#venting and rambling

[jingerpi]

"reblog to give a trans woman soup"

- 144k notes

"trans women experience misogyny because they're women"

- you are now on a blocklist

[arowitharrows]

tbh I really dislike how aphobia tends to be discussed whenever there's some kind of incident that makes it visible to general society. The most common response seems to be some variation of "why would anyone hate asexual/aromantic people, they aren't even doing anything" and it just always sits wrong with me. It paints such a passive picture of our existence and feels like a comment influenced by the level of invisibility that aspec people have in society. Why would you be annoyed by someone who is practically invisible? Just go back to ignoring their existence, it's easy!

But despite the invisibility, aspec people are actually doing quite a lot of things that will piss off queerphobic, right-wing and religious people (and hell, even left-wing people). And the most obvious point is that we are actively not performing heterosexuality the way they want us to. People who's entire world view is "cis men and women should be in monogamous, heterosexual marriage and have (white) babies" are not going to lean back and say "oh but those asexuals and aromantics are fine". They will also hate our guts, and they will come up with all sorts of reasons, including insinuating we're all secretly into bestiality, or mentally ill, or not human, or attention seeking children. It's just plain old queerphobia, and like all queerphobia, there's no inherent logic to it which you can worm your way out of by "not doing anything".

And like, there's a lot more that aspec people do which people hate. Raising awareness about amatonormativity? People feel attacked, they hate it. Asexual people having sex? Or not having sex? People hate it! Aromantic people being in (seemingly) romantic relationships? People fucking hate it! Aromantic people having sex? Ohh people hate that!!

I guess the existence of aphobia can be confusing when you haven't spent much time thinking about asexuality and aromanticism, but in the end, these are identities that aren't heteronormative and they will be hit with the same or similar bigotry as any other queer identity. I just get tired of this response after seeing it recycled for 10 years without ever seeming to go any further.

[miitopia-cake]

me looking for ace/aro characters: lets go gambling!

[character's sex repulsion is used for jokes] aw dang it

[character is put in sexual situations despite disliking it] aw dang it

[character's identity is ignored by fandom] aw dang it

[characters creators sexualize them] aw dang it

[aro character gets 'fixed' by true love] aw dang it

[aro/ace character is literally an animal] aw dang it

[creator messes up definition of asexuality] aw dang it

[characters asexuality is never brought up in media] aw dang it

[soupedepates]

me when packing my things in classified boxes : oh i love being autistic (❁´◡`❁)

me when my hotplate blows a fuse causing a lot of problems including, but not limited to, hanger, unexpected changes, realising there's a broken screw on the breaker, aggressiveness and getting scolded for aforementioned aggressiveness : Fuck autism I'm enrolling in the war on autism on the side of the shitty autism moms.

i am eating a raw bell pepper cuz i am at my fucking limit

i haven't taken my antipsychotic for a while and that's perhaps why i am starting to have some weird thoughts

[littlebigdemon]

i'm fine looking through ed accs like it's the daily newspaper until it randomly hits me that my friends would probably def not want to be friends w me if they knew i have an ed, am on these online spaces religiously, n have thousands of thīnspo images saved to my phone. sometimes it feels like having a double life, and this is a secret i will die with 🧍

[teaboot]

You know being transmasc after a life of growing up as the sole "girl" in male-dominated areas gives you a weird and complicated relationship with gender identity.

Like... being told straight to your face, "you're naturally bad at this cause you're a girl", "you're naturally weaker cause you're a girl", "you can act tough but you'll always just be a girl", "stop acting like you can keep up with the men", and even the well-intentioned, "Yeah women are like that, but you don't count, you're basically one of the boys"...

It leads you to this weird space where it's like. "Fuck you, women kick ass," and then busting yourself up to prove that you, a woman, *can* keep up, and not only keep up but do it better than anyone else, and taking pride in your femininity because it's not a fucking weakness, but at the same time knowing that... You're not a woman.

You're not a woman. You're not a girl. People just see tits and curves and decide that nature made you delicate, and then all of a sudden it's your responsibility to prove that you're not fucking weak, women aren't weak, while also saying, "I'm not a woman, though."

It's... bizarre.

I'm not a girl. But so long as I'm interpreted as one, I'm still gonna be held back by the same stereotypes. But if I ever stop being interpreted as one, then all the hard fucking work I put in to excel in my field is going to go down the toilet as "just something you can do because you're a man".

And fuck that. That's stupid, too. Guys shouldn't have their effort taken for granted like that, and it stings extra hard because you remember people just naturally assuming you suck and earning respect only to lose it immediately the second you step over to the "man" side. Because you've worked your whole life for something that as a man you'd just be expected to have naturally.

You SEE that shit staring you in the face, and worst of all people still walk around you in plain view and still talk about how women can't do shit and conveniently forget that you've BEEN ONE. "Because you were a man all along" or "because you overcompensate to prove yourself", whatever they think of to justify the cognitive dissonance that keeps their narrative going.

Nobody seems to consider that I'm not really different from women OR men, because those differences don't exist.

I'm not "naturally better" than women because I don't identify as one, and I'm not "worse than" men because I wasn't assigned the title by a third party. I'm just a person. We're all just people.

I'm just tired, man.

[jules-ln]

Bit out of nowhere from me but I hate hate HATE how nowadays comic book writers who have never touched an Iron Man comic before write him as a tech bro without any kind of class awareness

As if Tony hasn't canonically been homeless and almost died because of it

As if there weren't lots (and I mean LOTS) of Iron Man comics that are a direct critique of capitalism because no matter how intelligent and talented Tony is, he loses a lot of money because he focuses on doing the right thing and not on making the line go up

As if Iron Man didn't have lots and lots of old comics warning about climate change and global warming

And I blame 1) The Civil War comic and 2) The MCU for this

[spilledinkandtearstainedpages]

I’m doing this now because I’m ✨unmotivated✨ and my mental health is ✨declining✨ (and I procrastinate too much)

Green means completed, orange means I’m completing them, and white means not yet completed

5 notes - eat a tiny snack (can’t be too much, still punishing myself)

10 notes - I’ll brush my teeth (toothpaste blegh)

30 notes - I drink a new record by the end of the day: 16 oz of water

50 notes - I’ll stay clean for a week

70 notes - try to look for the bright side of life

75 notes - I post a new chapter to my story

100 notes - I’ll post a few of my poems and link my ao3 story with more poems

450 notes - I tell my friends about my gender and body dysmorphia

500 notes - I’ll clean my room (or do my best to)

750 notes - I tell my closest friends about my self inflicted punishments

850 notes - I drink 24 oz of water

900 notes - I post all the chapters I have already written

1000 notes - I try a new food

1050 notes - I start answering the asks in my inbox

2000 notes - I tell my friends about my real name and the pronouns I want

2500 notes - I complete one of my WIPs

5000 notes - I tell my friends and my dad about my eating disorder

8000 notes - I’ll stay clean for a month

10000 notes - I make an eating schedule

20000 notes - I go shopping to get new clothes

[starsofang]

simon was the only one who could understand you. of course, he understood your interests and your distastes, but he was the only one who could understand you.

on days where you couldn’t get out of bed, couldn’t shower, couldn’t live, simon was the one who understood. he’d lay in bed with you, bathe with you, even when he barely fit in the tub and would have to maneuver his legs in an uncomfortable position to fit the both of you.

when the world was against you, simon stood tall by your side.

when you didn’t have it in you anymore to keep on going, simon gave you a second chance.

he knew how you felt. how when things got bad again, nobody was there to pick you back up, to tell you things will be okay, to hug you. simon never had that for himself, so when he met you, a shattered reflection of himself, he provided you with what he didn’t have.

unconditional love. undying affection. admiration on days where you felt you didn’t deserve it. everything he didn’t get before you, he gave you twice as much.

simon glued back your broke pieces with the utmost care. and when you broke again, he’d do it all over.

simon loved you for you. he loved every fragment that cracked along the way. loved you on days where you didn’t love yourself, and loved you on days where you felt like you were on top of the world.

where most people saw an ugly flower, shriveling up into rotted petals, he saw the garden of eden blossoming right before his eyes. he watered every intricate flowers, providing you with warm rays of sunshine in order to assure you would grow.

he took his time with you. he remained patient, because love always is. after all, you can’t bloom a garden without the occasional parasite or weed, and simon would get on hands and knees, fingers in the dirt if it meant tending to you.

[eliounora]

adulthood is actually just an eternal cycle of cleaning your kitchen. other rooms you clean and they're clean for a while, but the kitchen you clean and it's messy again right away. you are the sisyphus of cleaning your kitchen

[fleecy-fawkes91]

God is there anything more...humbling and anxiety inducing than a UTI? Especially if it's been a couple years since you had one?

Like, I take these vitamins and stuff to promote good downstairs health and like...it works, idk if it's a placebo effect or what but I've felt good, haven't had a UTI since I started taking them.

And now it's like I got cocky, flew too close to the sun and now I've crashed. I mean, I think they kept it from being worse than it could have been but still.

Plus like, it happened a few days after I did the do with the husband and like, I'm always super good about cleaning up after specifically because I know this is a risk and this just like...idk I get anxious about being intimate like, last time I did I got hurt what if it happens again? And it sucks cause well I like sex, but it's hard to enjoy it when I'm anxious about potential UTIs.

There's also the vicious circle of like, you need to pee more but it hurts to pee but so you don't want to but holding it makes things worse obviously...

I got antibiotics and painkillers and I'm chugging water like it's my job...I just wish I could find a comfy way to curl up and wallow in my misery.

[dumplingsjinson]

List of “sweet and intimate actions which make me go feral and have me folding like a folding chair” prompts 

Character B carding their fingers through Character A’s hair and playing with the strands.

Character B peeling back the neck of Character A’s turtle neck sweater to trail gentle kisses down their neck. (This!! It is so hot, and it's everything I didn't know I needed until now, and I cannot stop thinking about it wlkfnlkwe)

Character B placing their arm around Character A’s waist while in public, resting their chin on Character A’s shoulder. “Hello,” they say in a teasing tone as Character A tries to grab ahold of their hand to keep it there but fails a few times before successfully doing so. 

Leaning against each other while in public.

Spooning and back hugs.

Character B letting Character A rest their head on their chest; lets them listen to their heart beat. 

Character B whispering sweet nothings into Character A’s ear.

Character B checking in on Character A to make sure they’re comfortable and okay with the way things are going; to make sure they’re not being too much. “You’re not,” Character A would reassure, repositioning themselves to get closer to Character B.

Just cuddles and snuggles in general.

Neck kisses.

Kisses littered all over the face. (!!! It's one thing to read about it and one thing to experience it wlejbfewljn)

Character B tucking Character A’s head under their chin while they’re cuddling.

Character B nuzzling their neck and breathing in Character A’s scent/fragrance, and commenting on how nice they smell.

Character B making sure Character A gets home safe by driving them home.

Character A telling Character B to message them when they get back home safe, and once Character B gets home, they follow through by sending a message to let Character A know they’ve gotten back home safe.

Taking naps together, from day till night, waking up every now and then to get more snuggles in. 

That soft exhalation of adoring laughter leaving Character B’s mouth after kissing Character A (this shit had me folding so fucking hard it’s not even funny. I Am Weak). 

That soft exhalation of laughter once again just because Character B is so content with having Character A in their presence, and Character A just basking in how cute that sound is and how happy it makes them. 

Character B entangling their legs with Character A’s, pressing their bodies flush against each other’s, leaving little to no space between them. (It’s almost like they can’t get enough of Character A.) 

Kissing so many times, to the point where they lose track of how many times they’ve kissed already. 

Holding hands and lacing their fingers together while they’re cuddling.

Comparing hand sizes and giggling about it together.

Character B stroking Character A’s hair while they’re asleep. (Or uh, pretends to be asleep DJSKKSKDSK but it’s so FUCKING CUTE WHEN HE DID THAT IM GONNA SCREAM, me thinking moments like these only happen in Korean dramas or some shit anfkakfksk-)

The sweet little banters in between; Character B being all cheesy and Character A playfully deflecting their comments only for Character B to playfully push back with an “Is something wrong with that?” or “But I’m not lying.”

Falling asleep in each other’s arms, both not wanting to leave the bed for the entire day and wanting to stay comfortably snuggled up against each other instead.

Character B placing their hands on Character A’s shoulders, and Character A, with a grin on their face, gently grabs Character B’s hands and wraps their arms around their neck while leaning back into them. Character B reciprocates by hugging them closer to them.

The soft noises of content Character A makes when they snuggle closer to Character B, or when they want Character B to hold them closer to them, with Character B happily obliging. 

Character B rubbing their cheek against Character A’s.

Character B trying to not wake Character A up because they look so comfortable when sleeping. (His words, not mine.) 

Soft, repeated pecks on the lips, causing Character A to laugh/smile against Character B’s lips. 

[foldingfittedsheets]

One of our regular players for DnD is a lot more… corporate than the rest of us. He’s generally sweet and occasionally bizarre and he’s fit in pretty okay for the last several years. Back in early campaign he’d make little doodles and character art and got really weird with it and we were all down with that.

But since the ascendancy of AI he’s been all about it. In the early days several of us expressed discontent with how AI was stealing intellectual property and horrible for the environment and in general is just pretty terrible.

It started with him presenting AI character art for his new character and progressed to him trying to get specific images of our characters during climactic scenes with little to no luck.

The other day he posted an AI song based on the campaign featuring Kahriq and Orion and the lyrics “When we are together we are together”. It’s gotten to the point that we don’t want to shit on him engaging with our characters but we’re extremely uncomfortable.

So now we’re trying to have a conversation about it and it’s going about as poorly as expected.

[painttedwolfdog]

I love being Malaysian. I love my country, I love my culture. But god is being trans so so so hard here. Especially as a trans man, obviously not to say trans women/fems don't struggle, of course they do, but Im talkin trans men/mascs uniquely here alr.

Our society is still very misogynistic, which of course means heavy emphasis on feminity, purity, marriage and traditional roles. If you're Malay, like me, meaning you're ethnically muslim, that means marriage is suuuper important. Arranged marriages aren't out of the realm of possibility, and child marriage is rampant. Legally, I could've been married at 16. 16! The legal age for boys is 18. Then don't get me started on child marriages in certain states, which allows for children younger than 16 to be married off to a suitor far older than them LEGALLY. My parents aren't the type to marry me off at 16, thank god, but they joked about it. It grossed me the fuck out.

But Im an adult now, they could find some hot Ustaz to marry me off to, and I'd be raped and impregnated by him and nothing can be done because marital rape isn't actually rape here. Divorce? I doubt they'd let me, they'd tell me to work it out over and over before they'd actually let me leave.

Traditional rape, is still thought of as partially the victim ("womens") fault. It's still the clothes you wear. If you wear "revealing" clothes it's partially your fault. You should've been more stern, should've been more compliant, if you did everything right you wouldn't have been assaulted and impregnated! What? You want to get rid of it? You monster! How could you? It's your baby!

The inkling of me not wanting to get married pissed my mother off, she cited our religion to put fear in me to marry. It hasn't worked on me, I want to get married anyway. Just not as a woman. The idea of me not wanting children pissed her off too, I was required to have them as a god fearing woman of faith. My husband would want kids, and I would give them to him. Blegh.

If I die here, I will be buried with my birth name. If I die here I will die a girl. If I die here I will be mourned as such. If I die of violence here it will be listed in the category of woman, cis woman. No one but those who knew me for me would know that it was wrong. I don't want that.

I wonder how many people like me are out there in this country. I wonder how many of them are happy, living as men, I wonder how many are unhappy. Living as wives to men they maybe love, probably don't, forced to ignore who they really are. I wonder how many of them are dead.

So I will live, I will breathe. Stay a malay Malaysian man, gay as all hell, till the end of my days. I will grow old. I will be the goddamned tranny my mother hated and others will know the name of. I will live

[lazylittledragon]

so uhhhhhhhh. not to be cryptic and bitchy on main but congratulations to everyone in my messages for like 5 months on being right i guess

[aria-herself]

The isolation of trans women, and specifically the common pattern of trans women being kicked out of communities, is interesting to me as a radical transfeminist. or like, I tend to think there are a lot of interlocking effects that produce it.

First, trans women are talked about but not listened to. In our specific position as trans women we are subject to a particular strain of misogyny justifying itself with transphobia that let's people be safely misogynist towards us. Or, we are seen as too loud, too present, too mean, too angry, etc. The impulse to shut us up (because we are women) is justified (because we are trans).

Second, our rejection of assimilation (which, to be clear, i think is both necessary and good). This is I think more interesting and more complicated. Most trans women are not just trans women. We are disabled, poor, or fat. We aren't conventionally attractive or we won't perform femininity. Our broader transfeminist movement rejects assimilationism. And, in doing so, we fail to assimilate.

Broader anti-intersectional politics sees people marginalized in multiple ways as necessarily illegible to preserve structural power. If you understand that not all women are white, you must then recognize that just accepting white women is not enough. That the systems in place must be destroyed and cannot merely by fixed by treating each intersection (starting with the closest to power) with step by step bug fixes. Then, trans women are, generally, illegible.

In the interpersonal sphere, I think this manifests very interestingly as a mythologizing of us. We are not seen as trans women (as in members of the idealized group), because none of us precisely fit the tropes. Or, maybe we are, until we fail those tropes. And, being not seen as that, it is safe to mistreat us. The intersection of transness with femaleness plays out on a fractal scale and each further marginalization is another argument that we aren't worth it.

Then, finally, the tropes about us. We're mean girls, separatists, rapists, predators, problematic, radfems. These stories about us then provide the explanation. We aren't the perfect mythologized image of the trans woman so when we inevitably fail to meet that image we are revealed to be mean, spiteful, bitches who just need to shut up and listen while they tell us what we are and why we need to leave now and never talk again. And misogyny is right and the cycle is complete.