#veggie commissions

[iamvegorott]

Meeting Chaos

Thank you @ariesshower824 for the commission!

Summary: The creator of Demons, Night, has used everyone's favorite Researcher, Mad to request a meeting with the leader of the Hunters. Host agrees to this meeting and goes alone but is not expecting the outcome that occurs.

Meeting Chaos

While the Demon Hunter’s Headquarters wasn’t known for silence nor complete peace, it also wasn’t known for endless calls and Hunters rushing about. 

Something was wrong.

Call after call about Demon activity had everyone trying to put their heads on straight and figure out how to handle everything. Demons have never gone about like this. Sometimes groups would cause chaos together but several groups causing chaos in several locations? That was unheard of. 

The only place that wasn’t filled with noise was Host’s office, but the tension was still thick in the air. Host sat in his chair, elbows on his desk with his hands together and held up to his face. Dark sat on the corner of the desk while Mad stood in front of it. Mare was in the office as well, refusing to leave Mad’s side. He glared and nearly hissed at anyone who got anywhere close to the Human. 

“So, what happened?” Dark asked Mad.

“Before all of…this happened. I was making my way to the library. I heard that a new series of books came in and I wanted-”

“Main points, please. We can discuss little details later.” 

“Sorry,” Mad said softly, hugging himself a bit. He gave Mare a quick smile when he felt his hand on his back. Mare stepped a little closer to Mad and that helped him continue his story. “I got separated from Mare when other Demons started trashing the streets and that was when I ran into a different Demon. He was very…different.”  

“Different how?” Host asked. 

“I don’t know. He felt like a Demon beyond the rankings like his entire being was-it-I-I can’t think of any other word but different.” Mad was hugging himself again, clearly not liking that he couldn’t explain anything beyond that. 

“It’s okay, Madrick. What happened after you ran into this Demon?” Host spoke calmly. 

“He stared at me for a bit, almost like he was reading me. Mare showed up not too long after that and…” Mad’s voice trailed off. “He told me to send the leader of the Hunters to The Twins’ spot.” Host could tell that Mad was leaving parts of the story out. Likely, as Dark had put it ‘little details’. 

It wasn’t hard to get those details from Mad and he could ask about them later if anything seemed wrong. Host didn’t have too many worries about Mad’s safety with Mare being his partner but he still had some. He had his worries for everyone who worked for him, regardless of their rank. 

“Why would he want that? What would he gain from that?” Dark asked.

“He’s Night,” Mare answered. 

“Night?”

“The creator of Demons.” 

“What!?” Mad’s anxiety was gone and he looked at Mare. “Why didn’t you tell me!? I have so many questions.”

“That is exactly why I didn’t tell you. Our creator is unpredictable. We don’t even know what he wants. He’s been gone for so long and none of us know why he’s back. Chaos literally follows him wherever he goes.”

“Why is that?” 

“We don’t know.”

“I can find out.”

“No, you are not.”

“But-” 

“I’ll meet with him.” Host cut the argument short. 

“I think myself and the other high-ranking Hunters should handle this,” Dark said. “It sounds dangerous to see him alone. If chaos follows him, then he should be dealt with.” 

“I will meet him.” Host repeated and stood up. “I will take care of this. If this ‘creator’ wishes to call me out. Then he will not make me look like a coward and I will face him.” 

x~x~x

Dark parked the car under a streetlight a block away from the spot. He chewed on his lip as he listened to Host unbuckle his seat belt. 

“I still think I should go with you. Facing the creator of Demons on your own does not sound safe.” Dark said. 

“I know what I’m doing.” Host opened the car door before pulling out a bat from under his seat. His bat. “Wait here. That is an order.”

“Yes, sir.” Dark gritted his teeth and had a firm grip on the steering wheel, hating all of this but knowing it was best to do as Host said. 

“I will come back. Don’t worry.” Host patted Dark’s shoulder, feeling him relax slightly but was still fairly tense. “I will come back.” He repeated and after a quick reassuring squeeze, he got out of the car. 

Host took a moment to take in a deep breath of fresh air, he wasn’t outside as much as he wanted, always busy with answering questions, organizing patrols, and ensuring the safety of others that the most time he gets outdoors is walking across the street from his office to his home. If only his time outside wasn’t for a meeting with the most powerful Demon of them all. 

Using his bat as a cane of sorts, Host walked. He knew there wouldn’t be other Humans or Demons around, something telling him it would just be only himself and Night. Soon there was the echoing thud of metal against his bat. The park bench Mad described. Metal structure with wooden seating. 

Host stood behind the bench, waiting for company to arrive, trying to see if he could hear or feel Night or if he was going to be different with that as well. 

“Hello.” A voice spoke next to Host, showing that his thought of Night being different was true. But now that he knew where he was, he could work with that. 

“Night.” Host greeted flatly. 

“I have to admit, you’re not what I was expecting for the mythic leader of the Hunters.”

“And I was expecting the creator of Demons to have a more intimidating aura.” 

“Oh? I retract my previous statement. I now really understand how you’re the leader.” Night softly chuckled. 

“What do you want?” Host got to the point. The longer he was here, the more Dark would worry and when he worried, he got impatient and when he got impatient, he made rash decisions. Dark’s rash decisions always ended with blood. 

“I just have some questions is all.” Night’s voice was laced with fake innocence. “For starters, what’s your name?” 

“You don’t need to know my name.” Host stated.

“I mean, you have a fair point that it’s not a ‘need’ but it is a want and I always get what I want. If you’re unwilling to share your name with me, I’m sure that curious one of yours would be willing to share. Mad, correct? I bet it would be so easy to get answers from him. Plenty of methods would work on such a small fellow.” Night’s grin could be heard. Host stepped aside and aimed the tip of his bat toward the Demon.

“Leave. Mad. Alone.” Host spoke harshly, his threat filled with a promise of violence. 

“Understood.” Night said. “It’s good to see a leader that cares about his people. I can tell it’s not just Mad you worry about. You left your other Hunter behind, insisted he stayed, and came to meet me alone despite there being no requirement for that. Care like that is a rarity amongst the other Humans I’ve met, especially from other leaders.” 

“If you’re waiting for a thank you to the praise, you’ll be waiting for the rest of eternity.” Host said.

“I’m simply just studying you, making sure to get a good look.” Night had a playful hum this time. 

“Don’t get comfortable doing that.” Host said, lowering his bat. There wasn’t any dangerous energy coming from him. No anger, no malice, nothing that would set off alarms. The more he tried to read into it, the more the energy reminded him of when Mad would rattle off question after question when he was excited about something new. When his curiosity was peaked. 

“May I know your name now?” 

“Host.” 

“Host?” Night echoed and he walked around him, staying close, fingers just barely brushing past Host’s shirt as he went to the front of the bench and sat himself down. “Unique name, I like it.” 

“You say that as if your opinion on my name matters.” Host scoffed, remaining where he was. He wasn’t expecting the kind of laugh Night made, soft and…joyful?

“So, Mr. Host, how long have you been in the Hunting business?” Night got comfortable on the bench, crossing his legs and lounging. 

“I don’t know.” Host shrugged.

“You don’t know or you don’t want to tell me?”

“I don’t know. I’ve never kept track, after the first year, I just did my job. Who cares how long you’re doing something if you’re not focused on it.” 

“Poetic.” Night commented. “What got you started into this? You don’t just become the leader of the Demon Hunters without some story.” 

“Doesn’t matter. I am who I am now and the past affects nothing.” Host heard Night sigh. 

“Give me something to work with here. I’m trying to get to know you. Come, come, sit with me, and gossip a bit. Complain about ex-partners or a current one.” 

“There is no current partner.” 

“Oh? That’s interesting. Why’s that?” Night patted at the spot on the bench beside him, making sure to do it hard enough that the sound could be heard clearly but still holding back to make it not sound aggressive. 

Host decided to let Night have some control and he sat on the bench as well, trying to keep as much distance between them as possible. Apparently, Night had the opposite in mind as Host felt the bench shift and soon something was pressing against his leg. He assumed that it was Night’s own leg, it made the most sense and it told him that they were now sitting next to each other with no space between them. 

“Just don’t have one.” Host stated.

“Such a shame. You are a fairly attractive man.” Night nearly purred his compliment. 

“Well, for a reason that should be obvious, physical appearance isn’t really a factor I worry about.” Host gestured toward his blindfold. There was a pause for a breath before Night started laughing.

“That is more than a fair point in that regard.” Night said between his laughs. He had an oddly kinder laugh than Host expected. Not that Host was planning for a cartoon-witch laugh, but not something he’d hear from someone at the Hunter’s Headquarters. A laugh one could even mistake for Jackie’s or Wilford’s, strong and boisterous. 

“Is this all you wanted? To ask me questions about myself?” Host pulled himself out of that thought, getting back to business. 

“To be honest with you, my original plan was to kill the Hunter’s leader. Make a point, show everyone what I can do, but it would be a shame to let someone as fun as you go.” That hint of a purr in Night’s voice came back and Host could tell that he was closer to him than before. Host stood back up and pressed the head of his bat on the ground between them, creating a wall of sorts with it. 

“What do you want now? Since you no longer wish to kill me, what are your plans?”

“I’ll figure it out with time.” Night shrugged, not moving from his own spot yet. “My main goal with the chaos was to let everyone know that I have returned and now I just don’t want to be bored. Boredom causes messes, I’m sure you understand that. Although, I’m sure I can find something or someone to keep me entertained to prevent more of that previously mentioned chaos.” 

“Will you stop the chaos that’s happening now? The abundance of attacks that are causing endless stress for my people?” Host asked. 

“I can and I will if you agree to see me again. See me again without that bat of yours. I don’t feel safe with it in your hands.” Night exaggerated a ‘fearful tone’ with his last part. 

Host chewed the inside of his lower lip as he thought. The idea of having to be around the creator of Demons even more didn’t sound the most pleasant, but at the same time, he could use it to his advantage to get information about Demons from him. He seemed to not mind speaking openly with Host, maybe after some time, he’ll become more open and give away hints and clues about how to beat him if the need arises. Madrick had been sent on a similar task when it came to The Twins and it worked out very well for himself and others with their quest of learning anything and everything about Demons. But with The Twins, they’ve had years worth of research into their psychology, more sure than anything no harm would come to Mad. With Night, they knew nothing. If anyone was going to work with him, Host would rather it be himself than risk one of his people doing it. 

“I’ll meet you again, but I want my bat. I don’t feel safe without it in my hands.” Host used that same ‘fearful tone’ as Night and that got some more laughs from the Demon. 

“Alright, I’ll agree to your terms. I’ll use our good pal Mad to let you know when it’s time to meet again.”

“Don’t-” Host didn’t bother finishing when he felt the shift in the air and a light swing of his bat proved that Night was gone. 

“Shit.” Host cursed to the empty air. “Well…it seems like I have a ‘date’ and Mare is going to be beyond pissed at me.”

[iamfruitie]

A Fun Night Part 1 of 3

This fun and spicy DemonHunter!AU Noist piece was commissioned by @ariesshower824

Summary: Night and Host have decided to take their relationship to the next level, starting off simple and working their way into more and more

Chapter 1

Night sat across the table at the overly-priced restaurant, a soft smile on his lips as he watched Host finish his dessert. 

“I can tell you’re staring.” Host said with a chuckle.

“I would never.” Night playfully hummed. 

“You do it all the time.” Host swallowed his final bite and licked the corners of his lips, cleaning off the bit of whipped cream that had gathered there. 

“Who could blame me?” Night found his thoughts wandering to somewhere much different, and he quickly shoved those down.

“You are very cheeky.” Host chuckled. “Is everything all taken care of, or do we need to go pay?” 

“I already took care of everything.” Night stood and went to Host, taking his hand and kissing the knuckles. “Shall we head home? It’s a lovely evening for a stroll.” 

“I thought you were going to say ‘beautiful night’.” Host stood as well, adjusting their arms so he had one of his looped through Night’s.

“I’d hate to be redundant.” Night softly laughed and led him and Host out of the restaurant. 

“I could be redundant for you.” Host offered, feeling the shift in the air as the fresh breeze hit his face. It was a cool and crisp fall night, one of Host’s favorites. Host also enjoyed walking around at night since most people were at home, trying to avoid Demons that liked to roam at this time, but dating the highest-ranked of them all let him not worry about most Demons bugging him. At least not while his partner was around. 

“Are you calling me beautiful?” Night asked with a slight purr to his voice. 

“Perhaps.” Host hugged Night’s arm a little tighter. 

“Such a flirt.” Night teased. He leaned over to kiss Host’s temple but paused, seeing a few Demons walking down the street perpendicular to them. He tried to suppress a growl as he glared at the lower-ranked Demons. The two suddenly stopped walking, saw Night, and quickly turned and ran the other way. 

“Demons?” Host could tell right away what was happening. Night didn’t know that Host had learned his different types of growls, and the ‘other Demons that are annoying me’ growl stood out the most.  

“It’s fine.” Night kept them going on their walk. 

“I know. But you don’t need to get so aggressive about it.” Host was now the one teasing. “I can take care of myself.” 

“I know.” Night used the same tone. “But I can’t help from wanting to protect you.” 

“Aren’t you just adorable?” Host recognized the next growl as Night's playful one. 

“Watch it.” 

“Maybe.” 

They laughed at themselves and continued their walk home, enjoying each other’s company and often not even needing to talk. Being with each other was more than enough. Night also started to notice the more they walked, the more he thought about the never-ending care and affection he felt for Host. For his Human. They’ve only been official for several months, but he’s had a fascination for this man since the first time he’s ever laid eyes on him. His voice, confidence, strength, intelligence, everything about Host was perfection in Night’s eyes. Those thoughts also went from pure and romantic to much dirtier ones. The fullness of Host’s lips, the flawless curves of his body, and how wonderfully tight his grip could be. 

By the time they got into the house, Night had forgotten himself and accidentally slammed the door behind him in his excitement to pounce on Host. He caught him in a kiss with a hand on his cheek and the other on his waist. Host was shocked at the sudden kiss but melted into it right away. He was as weak for Night’s kisses as Night was for him. 

“Host, my dear owl, I adore everything about you, and I would like to show that adoration in a way we’ve yet to explore.” Night squeezed Host’s waist some more, hoping that would be enough of a hint of what he meant. 

“You-” Host was a man of many words, and he now found himself speechless, feeling his body go warm, and Night could see a blush forming on his cheeks. While he couldn’t say words, there were endless thoughts in his head, and the prolonged silence gave Night concern. 

“Was the too forward? I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to push. You haven’t done any of that yet. We could go to bed and cuddle? Don’t even have to make out or anything or-” 

“Night.” Host cut Night’s rambles off, placing his hands on his face and rubbing his thumbs against his cheeks. “I…I want to.” He cleared his throat and tried again. “As you said, I’ve yet to have done any of that, but I have wanted to with you for a while. I’ve just never found the words to ask if you thought the same.” 

“You’re not usually one to not have words.” Night smiled and placed a hand on top of Host’s.

“You’ve found a way to make me speechless several times.” Host softly chuckled. “So, shall we head for the bedroom?” 

“We shall.” Night turned his head and kissed Host’s palm. “And, before we start anything. If you ever want me to stop at any point, just say Luna.” 

“Luna?” Host couldn’t help laughing a little since it wasn’t something he expected from Night. “Alright, note taken.”

"I don’t want to risk accidentally hurting you.” 

“I’m not worried about that.” 

“Good.” Night walked him to their bedroom. He guided Host to lay back on the bed as they kicked their shoes and socks off. “May I kiss you?”

“Yes.” Host leaned up and sighed happily at Night kissing him, not taking long until it got heated. Night gently pried Host’s mouth open with his tongue, groaning low in his throat as Host returned the favor and was soon nipping at his lips. Those little nips always drove Night mad, and a growl rumbled in his chest as he nipped back. They didn’t know how much time went by as they got lost in the kiss, but eventually, they had to part, panting heavily and lips red and slightly swollen. 

“May I do more?” Night’s voice was huskier with lust.

“Yes, keep going.” Host’s voice matched. Night sat up and quickly removed his shirt, tossing it aside and then doing the same to Host.

“Careful, that’s one of my favorite shirts.” 

“I’ll buy you a new one.” 

“Sure.” Host playfully hummed as Night adjusted so he was more between his legs, and he also forgot about that worry for his shirt when Night rolled his hips down against him, and with how hard he was, Host got to feel all of him. The friction felt much better than Host expected and made him gasp, causing Night to pause and pull back. “Don’t stop. Keep going.” Host wrapped his arms around Night, trying to get him to return to how he was. Night eagerly did as he was asked and began kissing Host’s chest, scraping his teeth on the occasion and grinning at Host’s lovely sounds.  

“May I touch you more?” Night placed his hand on Host’s stomach, right above the waistband of his pants. 

“Please.” Host lifted his hips. Night nearly growled with desire, and he undid Host’s pants with his hand and slipped it in. Host shivered and gasped louder this time, adoring the feeling of another’s hand on his dick. It felt much different with it being someone else, and the little squeeze before the hand started moving got him to let out a shaky breath. 

Night began nice and slow, moving his wrist to find the perfect angle to work with, getting a nice, deep moan from Host. Night shivered at that moan, thriving on knowing he was making Host feel good, and moved his hand faster. 

“Don’t stop~” Host panted out his rambles. “Like that, just like that. Please, please keep going~” 

“Wouldn’t dream of it.” Night kissed Host’s neck, getting hit with a need to mark Host up at least a little. 

“Shit~” Host groaned out his curse as Night sucked and bit at his skin, leaving several hickies behind. “Oh shit, shit, I-I’m going to cum.” He didn’t think it to be hitting so soon, but Night’s hand was like heaven at that moment. Night felt a wave of pride and lowered his head to Host’s chest.

“Cum for me.” He ordered before biting down on Host’s nipple. Host tensed up, mouth opening in a silent cry of pleasure and cumming hard. He could feel part of his brain getting a little warm and fuzzy. Now he understood why some of the others seemed very excited about sex. If something as simple as a hand job felt this good, he couldn’t imagine the other stuff he knew of. “You okay?” Night’s voice brought Host back to the present.

“More than.” Host softly chuckled, getting Night to feel another wave of pride. “Give me a second, and I’ll take care of you.” 

“That’s not necessary.” Night didn’t want Host to worry. He’d be fine. Host’s face scrunched up, and he sat up, flipping Night to his back and sitting on his hips. 

“You’re not about to be the one doing all the work.” Host tried to sound firm, but his face being bright red was making it hard to be taken that way. “Let me take care of you, too.” Night grinned at Host, adoring his stubbornness, and placed his hands on his hips. 

“How could I say no to you, my owl~?” Night chuckled. 

“I am just as stubborn as you are.” Host shifted his hips, and he could feel something hard pressing against him. An idea came to mind from what Night had done to him earlier, and he began slowly rolling his hips down, grinding against him. The way Night’s hold on his hips tightened told him he had the right idea. 

“Damn, Host~” Night softly grunted, rocking his hips to match. Host leaned back, arching and resting his hands behind himself. Host soon found a nice rhythm and tilted his head back. “What a sight.” Night licked at his lips as he looked at Host. It had to be illegal to look this delicious on top of him, how his body moved and managed to make dry-humping feel more than sinful. He slid one of his hands up to squeeze Host’s chest, gripping his hip tighter and guiding him to speed up. Host placed a hand on Night’s and followed the silent order, getting Night to let out a low groan. “Like that, just like that~” 

“Night~” Host moaned out Night’s name, knowing that would go right through Night’s ego and down to where he was getting the most attention. 

“Oh shit~!” Night tensed up and bucked up harshly, cumming with another moan. He took a few moments to catch his breath as Host leaned over and kissed his neck, deciding to give him his own hickey. Host also knew that Night liked seeing markings on himself just as much as he did seeing them on him. Night purred and rubbed his hands up and down Host’s back. “Only you could get me to cum in my pants.” He chuckled. 

“I am talented in several ways.” 

“That you are. Now, let’s get a quick shower.” 

“Did you want to take turns or-” Host’s question became a sound of surprise as Night got off of the bed and carried him. “That’s one way to answer me.” He laughed a little.

“I like being quick and to the point.” Night used his hip to bump open the door. 

“Unless it’s asking me out.” 

“Oh, hush.” 

Night and Host took a quick shower together, washing each other’s back and sharing a few more kisses. They enjoyed the comfort of the water’s warmth and the feeling of their bodies. Eventually, after getting out of the shower and drying off, they crawled back into the bed, neither bothering to put clothing back on. They cuddled under the blankets until they drifted off in a tangle of arms and legs.

----------

Part 2: Link

Part 3: Link

[sushiisiu]

new klapollo crumbs from the ace attorney cafe in shanghai and wuhan T__T

[jtl-fics]

Fluent Freshman - Part 30

PREVIOUS

Ichirou Moriyama had long been someone Riko had spoken about and therefore someone Kevin knew of.

First reverently as he talked about how someday his brother would come for him and how he’d watch Riko’s games. Then Ichirou never showed up once and the anger set in and mentions of his brother would result in especially bad days.

Kevin’s only saving grace at the Nest near the end was that Ichirou had been as uninterested in him as he was in Riko.

Neil was the one who had handled any communications with the new Master of the Moriyama family and Kevin was grateful for that. His stomach still twists when he found out what it would cost him to have the closest thing he would ever really have to freedom since his mom’s car accident but Kevin could hardly fault Neil since Kevin has no idea if he would have been able to even open his mouth and speak to negotiate with Ichirou. He certainly wouldn’t have thought to bargain for Neil and Jean’s lives.

So he was going to make sure the Neil had the best possible chances to get on a great team not just because he had every faith that Neil could be on the national court but also Kevin wanted him on the national court. Neil was his partner and his friend.

This was his last year that he could help as directly as this so he and Neil were still putting in the hours in their evening practices. It was also the last year that Neil could rely on him to assist in getting everyone up to snuff.

Ichirou Moriyama was going to be stopping by at some point and Kevin had decided that the best way to handle this information was to focus on something life affirming.

“I’m just saying it isn’t an unknown flavor combination.” Kevin argues.

“Kevin there is something very different about vanilla protein powder in chicken stock and Chicken and Waffles.” Aaron says from his spot behind Kevin in Wymack’s car.

“There shouldn’t be! It’s all the same flavors, just liquid!” Kevin turns in his seat to point at Aaron, “You should put on your seatbelt, what if Wymack crashes?” He says for the third time since the car ride had begun.

“That’s my problem, not yours.” Aaron says and his eyes have been locked on the roof of the car since the car ride began which was rude but Kevin had learned to expect nothing less from a Minyard.

“It will be my problem when your corpse breaks my neck as you fly forward!” Kevin hisses.

“Coach, could you do me a favor-“

“I’m not going to crash the car.” Wymack interrupts eyes on the road and hands at 10 and 2.

“God forbid you do something nice for me.” Aaron gripes crossing his arms.

Kevin decides to change his target.

“Coach-“

“Kevin, you’re not putting any protein powder into Smith’s soup. That’s final. Do you want to mess up his Grandma’s hard work to follow the Doctor’s recipe exactly?” Wymack asks.

No.

No Kevin does not wish to mess up Grandma Smith’s hard work.

He just…

A Food pyramid flashes in his mind.

…thinks he knows more than the hospital dietician.

“It’s not that Smith’s Grandma made bad soup.” Kevin says because the woman was a talent in the kitchen even if she might use a bit too much butter. He’d let her know but Nicky refused to translate and she’d smiled so warmly at him and touched his face so gently… “I think she was led astray by bad science and Nicky wouldn’t translate for me.” He says, “If she understood English she would have understood and agreed with me.” He says because he did manage to get her finely chop a bunch of carrots to put into the pasta sauce so that Neil would get some veggies.

She was a reasonable woman who understood the importance of good nutrition.

“I don’t know about that.” Coach says and Kevin wonders what he means by that.

They’re close behind Andrew’s car and Kevin can see two parking spots next to one another near the front except Andrew pulls into the spots in a way that means it is almost impossible for anyone to get into the second spot unless they owned a tiny smart car.

Andrew often parks like that to make sure no one dings the Maserati.

“That little shit.” Wymack grumbles as he continues to drive.

“Aren’t you going to let us out at the entrance?” Kevin asks.

“Who am I, your driver?” Wymack grumbles and does not slow down to let them out  at the hospital entrance. “You’ve been bitching about not getting enough exercise and eating too much fat this weekend, consider this just some of the exercise you’ve been wanting.” He says.

Kevin leans back in the chair.

He does NOT pout. He merely frowns with his lips puffed out and feels as if he has been treated unfairly.

He uses this time wisely.

He thinks about Neil and Andrew’s ‘secret’ conversation.

Kevin still doesn’t know Russian, has no plans to learn it because he does not want to know 80% of what Neil and Andrew say to one another, but Kevin has always been great at understanding tone and it’s not that hard to understand that they were talking about FF when he ‘Kapitan Neil’.

He thinks about what might stress Neil out about FF (never once does he consider that FF being in the hospital with a stab wound may be the thing that stresses Neil out, not when there’s an explanation that involves Exy).

FF might choose to leave.

That would not bode well for Neil.

Kevin has already signed but Neil needs the next few years still to make sure he can follow through on his deal with Ichirou.

FF is a great defensive dealer.

Kevin still doesn’t really understand how he can seemingly just appear on the Court to intercept passes but Kevin has been informed that all of his plans to figure it out are ‘medically unethical’ and ‘likely to get him thrown in prison’.

Nicky patting his face pityingly and saying, “Your face is too pretty for prison.” had been when he stopped looking at how he could buy electrodes.

His follow-up search to find out that no prison in the United States currently had an Exy court as a facility had him drop the outline of his research into his recycle bin and right click to delete permanently.

Since Kevin cannot find a way to replicate that particular talent of FF’s then they just need FF to stay.

He also quite likes the steady freshman. He’s probably not ever going to be National Court level like he and Neil are, but he would be a solid Dealer on a good team. Kevin wouldn’t even mind playing with him professionally.

They park the car far in the back of the lot and Wymack grumbles at a different nice car that is taking up two spots. Kevin climbs out of the car and they start their way towards the hospital.

Kevin considers jogging in circles around Aaron and Wymack as they walk just to burn off more of the lunch they’d just had but decides against it.

Maybe a different nutritionist will be on staff today and will be able to back Kevin up on his plan.

***

Captain Neil and Andrew are quickly followed by Nicky and his Grandma both of whom look nervous but some of that seemed to dissipate when they saw him.

“Are you okay?” Captain Neil asks.

FF goes to open his mouth but a nurse interrupts, “He decided to go on a walk in his current condition. I thought we were quite clear that you needed to stay in bed. Stressing yourself is why you collapsed in the Cafeteria like that.” His main nurse chastises.

“Sorry, it won’t happen again.” FF promises because it won’t. He’s planning on asking for a medically induced coma to escape the consequences of his actions so leaving the bed is the last thing he’s going to do. His dad’s trust for him can have money taken out for his medical needs and there has never been a greater medical need in his entire life than right now.

“What happened?” Andrew demands stepping next to Neil.

How does one explain getting a job offer from the Yakuza (Yakuza or Mafia)?

“I wanted to go for a walk.” He answers because he had and that’s easier to explain.

“Why did you meet Ichirou Moriyama?” Andrew asks again in German.

Well dammit.

FF finds himself at a crossroads.

Does he tell the truth? That he’s an idiot and didn’t realize the man was reaching out to Captain Neil? That he went and had an entire conversation with the man who owns Captain Neil, Kevin, and Jean Moreau? That afterward he tried to stand up and fainted which is how he got taken back to his room?

He thinks he has enough lies going on between his own and his grandma’s and he needs to relay something from Ichirou Moriyama.

“Lord Moriyama wanted me to tell you that he no longer needed to speak with you Captain Neil.” He relays just like he said he would and he sees Captain Neil tense.

“Smith.” Andrew says his name.

He also doesn’t want to talk about it any further.

“I’m fine, but I don’t want to talk about it.” FF closes his eyes as he answers back in German. He feels exhausted now and wishes that he had just requested a coma earlier so that he wouldn’t be in this situation. “Captain Neil, you left your phone here and it’s been pinging. Sorry I read one of the texts.” He gestures vaguely to his side table.

None of his guests speak for the next few minutes as the nurses finish reminding him to stay still, that he’s lucky his stitches didn’t break, that he’s on thin ice. He’s tired and he’s hungry so he’s curt with them in a way he’ll regret later but right now it’s just a lot when he can still feel Captain Neil and Andrew’s eyes burning into him.

Then Nicky proves to continue to be the nicest friend he has when the nurses leave and he feels Nicky’s hand take his and squeeze. “Hey, how are you really feeling?” he asks.

FF takes a deep breath, “I have...no idea.” he says. “I’m sorry.” he adds.

Nicky squeezes his hand again, “Hey, Aras made you some soup and we kept it away from Kevin. You’re probably a lil’ cranky because you’re tired, hungry, and in pain. You don’t need to talk about it right now okay?” Nicky says.

He’s really lucky to have Nicky as his friend.

He squeezes Nicky’s hand back and valiantly does not cry. He squeezes his eyes tighter to keep them from slipping out, it’d be embarrassing to cry here like this.

“Thank you.” He says voice quiet but doesn’t open his eyes, knowing what will come out if he does.

His Grandma comes to his side again and strokes his face. Her fingers wipe away the few tears that did slip out despite his best efforts but he thinks she did it so casually that maybe no one noticed.

It hasn’t been a good day, but Grandma’s soup has always been something that makes him feel better. He just wishes he could be alone for a minute with just her to witness the next few minutes.

Nicky, bless him, must sense that because he squeezes his hand tightly before letting go, “C’mon, let’s give Smithy and Aras a moment okay?” He says.

FF doesn’t open his eyes until his Grandma whispers, “My little Rotisserie Chicken, they’ve stepped out.” She says.

“He offered me a job in the Yakuza.” He blubbers immediately. “I don’t even know if they have dental.” He spills one of his lesser concerns.

“Oh honey, let’s eat some soup.” She soothes stroking his face.

***

Neil feels bad.

FF was pale, shaking, sweaty, and despite his grandma’s best efforts Neil had seen a tear slip from his tightly closed eyes.

He looks to his side and sees Andrew’s own hands tightened into fists.

“C’mon, let’s give Smithy and Aras a moment okay?” Nicky says and drags them out of the room through the sheer force of his ire. It’s moment like this that Neil really does understand why it is that FF prefers to spend his free time with Nicky over any other of their group.

They get out of the room and down the hall before Nicky starts in. “You two are the KINGS of not talking about shit so, for now, LEAVE it.” He hisses in German in a bid to keep the conversation private from anyone walking past.

“We need to know what deal he and Ichirou came to.” Andrew says in the same language.

“You’re going to find that out from Ichirou probably once he crazy murders Romero and Jackson in the next couple days!” Nicky cries dramatically, “Smithy probably doesn’t even know the full details because he’s in a lot of pain because he’s been STABBED.” Nicky points a finger at Andrew but wisely does not poke him with it. “Do you think he ACTUALLY went on a walk? Ichirou’s men probably took him since they couldn’t find YOU Neil.” Nicky points at Neil and, again, wisely does not poke him with it.

Neil’s stomach twists.

Maybe Neil should invest in a phone clip like Wymack thought the implication that the Moriyamas came to where his phone was leaves him wanting to skip it like a stone straight into the ocean. Too bad going to a beach still makes his palms sweaty.

“So what WE are going to do,” Nicky does a quick circle to point at the three of them, “is we are going to be good friends and help Smithy because he’s stressed, in pain, and needs friends not INTERROGATORS.” Nicky waves his arms in exasperation.

“Who are Neil and Andrew interrogating?” Aaron asks and Neil looks to the side to see Aaron with Kevin being pulled along by the scruff by Wymack.

“Smithy.” Nicky says.

“Why?” Kevin asks.

“Because Ichirou came and talked to him.” Andrew explains.

Kevin goes pale. “Why? I thought he was going to talk with Neil?” Kevin asks looking at Neil.

“He probably came here following Neil’s phone, which he left. So he grabbed Smithy to talk to him.” Nicky says, “Ichirou seemed impressed and pleased with whatever they talked about but Smithy is a little fragile after all of this so,” Nicky stepped into Kevin’s space, “Leave.” He pokes Kevin’s chest once, “Him.” He pokes Kevin’s chest twice, “Alone.” He pokes Kevin’s chest a third time.

“How would he even have an understanding of who he’s talking to?” Kevin asks looking sick. “No one has mentioned anything about the whole thing with the Moriyamas right?” He looks at the rest of them and Neil knows none of them would mention it.

Nicky rolls his eyes with his entire body.

“Kevin, do you know how many languages Smithy is fluent in?” Nicky asks.

“Uh…quite a few?” Kevin responds looking thrown.

“Yeah, one of those languages is French. Which you KNOW because he’s corrected your pronunciation before.” Nicky reminds Kevin and the Son of Exy blushes slightly.

“What does that have to do with this?!” Kevin squawks.

“Kevin, how many conversations have you had RIGHT in front of Smithy in French as you talked with Jean?” Nicky asks.

“None!” Kevin hisses.

“Can you say that for sure? You know how it can be with Smithy. Aaron over here has basically almost fucked his girlfriend in front of Smithy before because he didn’t realize he was there.” He juts his thumb towards Aaron.

“Hey.” Aaron scowls not happy to be reminded of that. “He needs a damn bell.” Aaron grumbles.

“I’ve talked about it in front of him and you never told us?!” Kevin exclaims.

“It’s Smithy! He’s not going to tell anyone!”  Nicky argues.

Which is very true.

FF is just not that kind of guy.

“So we are ALL going to be good, supportive friends to Smithy and hopefully he gets out of here today despite the whole shit show with Ichirou and we get him back to Abby’s where he can rest up in her guest room with his grandma.” He points at each of them with a frown.

“But-“

“Kevin, leave it for now.” Wymack finally steps in to the conversation. “How’s he looking?” He looks to Neil.

Pale, tired, pained, and trying not to cry either from pain, stress, or fear Neil does not know.

“Bad.” Neil answers.

Wymack sighs, “Stay out here. I’m going to go check.” He says.

They watch as Wymack enters into FF’s room.

Kevin is still spiraling from the realization of all the different conversations he could have possibly had in front of FF thinking French would act as a barrier.

A thought crosses Neil’s mind, “Wait, Smith doesn’t know Russian right?” He looks to Andrew because he and Andrew have said quite a few things to one another when FF was there.

“No, he said he isn’t learning it here.” Andrew shakes his head. “Even if he does learn it Smith would just leave if he was uncomfortable.” Andrew shrugs.

They have all seen a ‘Smith 180°™‘ before when he’s walked in and has seen Aaron and Katelyn or entered a room where Nicky was talking to Erik or Matt was talking to Dan. Neil has even noticed one or two when him and Andrew may have been in a less than private place.

It was nice to have someone who would just see them like that and leave it alone instead of betting on it, trying to take a picture, or gagging like it’s disgusting.

Wymack walks back out after a minute in FF’s hospital room, “Let’s give Smith and his Grandma a couple more minutes.” He says and Neil’s heart sinks.

***

Wymack wasn’t quite sure what he walked into.

Smith’s Grandma was wiping his face and feeding him soup which is about what he expected. What he hadn’t expected was what FF was saying to his Grandma.

“….didn’t even wash his hands Gran. What if none of them wash their hands? I can’t work in that kind of environment!” FF babbles as he takes another spoonful of soup from his Grandma.

Smith’s Grandma looks up and sees that it’s just him at the door before continuing in English, “Sweetie, you don’t need to accept the job offer from the Yakuza.” She soothes.

“What do I even do?! What’s the etiquette? Do I send a letter refusing the job offer? Do I email him thanking him for the interview? Was it an interview?” FF asks.

Wymack shuts the door and he’s sure FF hadn’t even noticed him.

Yeah the kid needs a couple more minutes

MASTERPOST FOR ALL PARTS OF FLUENT FRESHMAN AU

NEXT

@i-have-three-feelings​ @blep-23​ @dreamerking27​ @andreilsmyreligion @belodensetdust​ @rainbowpineapplebottle @yarn-ace​ @iwouldlikesometea @lily-s-world​ @obscureshipsandchips​ @booklover242​ @whataboutmyfries​ @sahturnos​ @pluto-pepsi​ @dreamerthinker​ @passinhosdetartaruga​ @leftunknownheart​ @aro-manita-muscaria @hologramsaredead​ @Chaoticgremlinswishtheycouldbeme @tntwme​ @tayspots @nick-scar​ @crazy-fangirl2524​ @blue-jos10​ @stabbyfoxandrew​ @splishsplashyouropinionistrash​ @sammichly​ @the-broken-pen​ @bitchesdoweknowu​ @very-small-flower​ @ghostlyboiii​ @its-a-paxycab​ @bisexual-genderfluid-fan​ @cheesecookie​ @theoneandonlylostsock​ @foxsoulcourt​ @blueleys @adverbialstarlight​ @elia-nna​ @can-i-just-stay-in-the-corner​ @nikodiangel​ @foxandcrow-inatrenchcoat​ @hallucinatedjosten​ @satanic-foxhole-court​ @vexingcosmos​ @chalilodimun​ @insectsgetcooked​ @angry-kid-with-no-money​ @queer-crows​ @lillyndra​ @themundanemudperson​ @readertodeath​ @apileofpillows​ @mortalsbowbeforeme​ @hellomynameismoo​ @next-level-mess @youreonlylow​ @interstellarfig​ @notprocrastinatingatalltoday​ @percyjacksonfan3​ @queenofcrazy27​ @bsmr261 @ghostlyscares​ @spencellio @adinthedarkroom​ @harpymoth​ @sufferingjustalilbit​ @anxietymoss​ @oddgreyhound​ @ohno-myhyperfixation-itsbroken​ @ken22789​ @atiredvampire​ @isoldescorner​ @not--a--pipedream​ @azure-wing​ @bushbees​  @roonilwazlib-main​ @crumplelush​ @foldedaces-paperbirds​ @thesenseinnonsense​ @let-tyrants-fear​ @ketchupandfries​ @legowerewolf​ @deadlydodos​ @but-we-respect-his-craft​ @cariniqe @zanypersonapricotbiscuit​ @lesbian-blackbeard​ @lesbiansupernatural​ @silvermasquerade​ @thepeachfuzz​ @minniemariex​ @kazoo-the-demjin​ @gaypomegranate​ @ji-nk-ies​ @neilimfinejosten​ @omgrubelangel​ @itsyouitsmeorpheuseurydice​ @percabethotplove​ @cozyrosykay​ @foxyatlas​ @theoneandonlylostsock​ @cindersapsecrets​ @scornedethnographer​ @hugemotherfuckingnerd​ @givemethedamnflowers​ @our-king-bree​

The  requests to be added to the tag list keep being spread out across a few  different areas. If I missed you please just ask again in the replies I  promise I just missed you.

As stated before if you’re up here and I spelled it right but you didn’t get a notification there might be  something switched around in your settings that won’t let me tag you properly?

[the-vegetarian-artist]

Forgot to post this oops~

Gijinka Mothra design for @sesshomamelia heres hoping Momocon 2024 will be the debut of this in cosplay!!

As a reminder commissions are open! Dm for details or rates (cause I still gotta make an updated sheet)

[umino-mari]

Josh’s Gaming Garden! 🌿 🐓 🌽🌷✨

This was a commish I did for PlayWithJosh which was very fun to work at! I absolutely loved drawing those cute vegetables 🥺💖

twitter · instagram · inprnt

[reining-disaster]

I have never made a post like this, but @breadandbloodybutter and @falsesighted have told me I should charge for banners that I make so... I suppose if you like them and have like $5 bucks, let me know! Details can be worked out in DMs. I really like making these. :3 Examples below the cut to keep from dash cluttering.

[studiomattias]

Radish (2024) (that's it that's all) Made in Procreate

Prints / Website

[izvmimi]

tanjiro is practically force-feeding you fatsia sprouts again and you're sick of them. frowning, you keep your lips pressed together, looking from the plate to him, and then back out the window.

he sighs.

"... but they're good for you."

tanjiro pouts, and his face is cute and pleading enough that even you, despite the fact that you can't find yourself to stomach more of the vegetables when all you really want is something sweet, give in and indulge him. obediently, you open your mouth as the chopsticks make their way closer to your face and accept the bite, and just as quickly he smiles brighter than the sunlight peeking through the curtains of your bedroom.

"thank you for doing that for me," he says as you chew and swallow.

he's been worried sick for the past week, your lack of appetite after recovering from your last bout with a lower ranked demon (unaccompanied against his better wishes) seeming to extend far beyond what was acceptable for him. as a result, he'd taken to feeding you himself, which could have been romantic if he didn't insist on the healthiest - read, bland - food alive.

you purse your lips again at the idea of being congratulated for eating veggies like you are a small child, but you have been difficult. your most recent injury has kept you out of fighting commission and while you've gotten your mobility back, you visibly don't eat and sleep as much as is expected of your usually naturally vibrant self.

"don't pout," he teases, laughter on his lips. he sets the plate on the table, and his hand cups your face gently. leaning in close to you, enough that you're unable to avoid the adoration in his crimson eyes, he encourages you further. "i want you to get your strength back, so you have to eat okay?"

"i am eating."

"not sweets," he insists. you look at him, then wonder how willing he is to fight mitsuri when she brings you the plate of desserts you've been craving. too willing.

"fine."

taking the chopsticks from him quickly, you shovel down the rest of the fatsia sprouts while he sighs in relief, gently rubbing your back.

"stop worrying so much about me." you murmur, once your plate is completed. he eyes it, then back at you.

"too difficult. can't." he grins. "in fact, i won't!"

you raise your eyebrow at him. "i thought you once said you could do anything for me."

he blinks, then tilts his head at you, and you bat your eyelashes, as though you've said something incredibly clever.

he pauses, then kisses your forehead.

"gosh, would you look at that? guess i lied."

[theycallmekaibara]

HELLO FELLOW FARMERS 👩🏿‍🌾

I've always wanted to offer a YCH commission, and I thought it would be fun to do one based on my favorite part of farming sims -- the fruits of our labor. I love digital farming, ya'll. Romance is great and all but THE FARMING. THE CROPS!! THE CUTE LITTLE FOOD SPRITES!!!

So, if you'd like a commission of your farmers showing off their goods, hit me up! I'll do more than just fruits and veggies (ie artisanal products, dairy and eggs, whatever your favorites are!), and of course, it's not just limited to SDV ocs! You can contact me through DM here, or through email at missbrittkelly@gmail.com. I can accept payments through Paypal or Zelle.

[iamvegorott]

Commissions Open!

I'm openning up all my slots for commissions and any kind of donation request!

Here's a link to my main commission post for extra details: Link

Some tldr;

For commissions it's 5$USD per one thousand words

Donation requests can by any amount and can range from a one-shot prompt to wanting a story updated as soon as possible

Feel free to DM or Inbox me any questions!

[starscatteredsky]

any raccoon therian tips?

tips for raccoons!

pt: tips for raccoons! end pt

do “raccoon eye” eyeliner!! lots of emo people online will have tutorials for it!

make/commission a therian mask!

practice sleight of hand, an instrument, drawing, or another thing you can do with your clever grabby raccoon hands!

reuse everything! thrift lots! give into that scavenger instinct!

make/get tail and ear gear!

dress in lots of greys and stripes!

black gloves!!

decorate your living space in a sort of charming cluttered/messy way!

wash your fruits/veggies/etc raccoon style before eating them!

hope you like these!

-

🧪

[ID in alt!]

[illarian-rambling]

Holy fuck, guys?!?! When did there get to be that many of you?!

It's so insane that 600 whole people are fans of my work. That's, like, an entire auditorium. Call me Professor Illaros, damn. Thanks all of you for sticking with me and my wacky little world <3

🎉 In honor of this, I'm doing free art commissions! 🎉

If you're my mutual, send me an ask of any description (barring heavy nsfw), and I'll draw it for you! Characters, places, symbols, I'll do it all! (Disclaimer: I draw people well and that's about it lol, but feel free to ask for a gnarly looking dog or uncanny house if that's what you want). The more detailed the description, the better, and feel free to specify if you want a portrait or a full-body. It might take me a while, but I promise I'll get to your little guy in time.

Thanks again to all of you, and please have a bitchin night!

@amandacanwrite @elsie-writes @riveriafalll @kosmic-kore @kaylinalexanderbooks

@bard-coded @carrotsinnovember @patternwelded-quill @somethingclevermahogony @whatwewrotepodcast

@the-angriest-author @mk-writes-stuff @frostedlemonwriter @vyuntspakhkite-l-darling @watermeezer

@leahnardo-da-veggie @mr-orion @televisionjester @ray-writes-n-shit @evilgabe29

@trippingpossum @tragedycoded @halfbakedspuds @ominous-feychild @cain-e-brookman

[the-vegetarian-artist]

"Keep talking big guy. Ya hands are pretty big and I could use a new pair of gloves."~

Was commissioned by @phobian-deimoses to draw his RedDead oc for my----

☆.•°$20 Spring Sale°•.☆

[vantaesfairie]

𝔭𝔦𝔠𝔨 𝔞 𝔠𝔞𝔯𝔡 : 𝔴𝔥𝔞𝔱 𝔡𝔬𝔢𝔰 𝔶𝔬𝔲𝔯 𝔥𝔢𝔞𝔯𝔱 𝔱𝔯𝔲𝔩𝔶 𝔴𝔞𝔫𝔱

atlty’s tarot readings: art commissions and paid readings open! 

choose a pile below:

pile 1: lotus bath doggo

your heart truly yearns for: 

something irresistible, borderline forbidden, could be love or toxic / unhealthy habits and behaviours

someone that you’ve seen and felt an instant connection to 

be different (very personally specific) 

to break out of mundane routines and cycles

fresh inspiration and the final push to start a new project

new direction to your life 

for your emotional problems to be lifted and healed 

to start a new chapter of being the it-girl/boy (in your personal perspective of how an it-girl/boy is) 

channeled vibes: moving, cultural expectations, dating, new stationery, renewal

pile 2: garden farmer cat

your heart truly yearns for:

someone to reach out and check up on you

go back to a positive and motivated mindset to work (not literally work)

self evaluation and learning to be grateful 

the honest truth to finally come out

someone to pay the consequences of what they did to you

justice to prevail and odds to be in your favour

become a better version of yourself 

to be washed clean and leave your past in the past 

channeled vibes: lonely, revenge, try again, dahlia flower, repentance 

pile 3: veggie vendor pupper

your heart truly yearns for:

to start a new project with a new mindset

explore the world through travelling 

move on from a situation / someone who abandoned you

heal by being by yourself alone (alone but not lonely mindset)

get rid of all disappointing and entitled thoughts 

to help people in need and be generous to yourself 

be well paid and financially stable 

channeled vibes: gift giving, introspection, my turn now, self-love, journal (i mean journal as the book but it might resonate as journalling / writing / creativity)

* for all 3 piles: a lot of yall want spiritual awakenings and to basically shed your skin like a snake 👀 i see u

i hope you enjoyed this pac! please consider purchasing a paid reading by sliding into my dms. reblog and share if possible! i’d love to know if this resonates to you. thank you so much! 

[fatguarddog]

Disclaimer: This audio is intended for audiences of 18+ only 🔞 If you like my content, please consider giving me a tip

Another commission for @the-chubby-berry ! Your sassy feeder (me) teases you for how greedy you're getting after you finish off a whole pot of their homemade soup. Plenty of sloshing your belly around and praising you for how big you're getting

If you're interested in a commission, find more info here

Transcript under cut

Theeeeeeere we go, nice and full and warm. You’re doing so well eating up all that soup for me, baby, doesn’t it feel so good inside your belly? Oh wow, I didn’t expect you to actually finish it that fast… my my you’ve gotten quite greedy haven’t you my dear?

Let me feel you. God, look how round and bloated you are! I really didn’t think you’d polish off a whole pot of my soup so quickly, but you’re just so eager to grow yourself into a sexy sloshing orb, aren’t you? Oh hush your moans, I know you like this you fat little dollop, you look so big I may as well have melted a whole stick of butter into that batch. I bet you love that though, thinking about getting even fuller and warmer inside from more and more of my rich, fatty soup. The way it makes your belly ripple and dance when I jiggle it [sloshing sounds]. Haha, what a perfect sound! You’re becoming quite the water bed, aren’t you? I could just push you over while you’re helplessly stuffed and lay my head on all this wonderful padding, that comfy sloshing sending me to sleep. Or I could wobble you mercilessly while I play with you gently, edging you while I tease you about how much bigger I’m going to stuff you.

Would you like that? Being stuffed even bigger? All these soft parts I can poke and prod… we really should fill them out, shouldn’t we babe? I’ll have to make another pot of soup, one with even more filling veggies and meats, even more bloating broth than the one you so greedily guzzled down just now. We’ll watch your belly swell from a basketball to a beach ball as it becomes so round and taut you won’t be able to get up from under it for quite some time. You’d be so warm and cosy you could even have a little nap to make sure your body can comfortably digest all that deliciously filling soup. It’ll stretch your stomach so nicely too, really get you used to the feeling of being this stuffed all the time, because that’s how I want you. Stuffed. Beached. Filled to the brim and ever growing with such a pleasant warm feeling in your belly. You’ll always be tightly packed and sloshing from side to side as I play with your magnificent gut.

No worries, no cares. You just keep being perfectly greedy for me and I’ll reward you with more and more food and pleasure. It’ll be so blissful for you, always feeling so full with nourishing warmth inside of you. You’ll be my big cosy radiator, growing larger by the day as your appetite and greed increase, completely unable to resist any food or treats I bring you. I can’t wait. Your belly is already so much fun to play with… just imagine how much more fun it’ll be when you’re up 100 pounds and sloshing around so heavily… oh baby, I’m gonna go make that second pot of soup.