#vegan and green polls

[magazinenerd]

Hello dear readers!

This poll was requested by a reader starting their small business catering to vegan and health conscious people.

The products are gluten-free and plant based.

Currently available products are oat muffins, almond milk, iced tea almond milk.

More description in comment box!

Thank you so much for the support!!

All Rights Reserved @magazinenerd

[dunmeshi-would-you-eat]

Graveyard Plants

[pseudophan]

hi nora! i’m in norway (in epcot) and i thought of you i hope you have a lovely day- don’t let that poll get you down and also you’re doing an amazing thing with the cookbook and i’m gonna love it whether or not my recipe got in!

thank you this is so sweet :( i'm currently sitting here with all the recipes i'm most likely including on different cards and a fuckton of colour markers writing shit like Vegan in green and Cheese in yellow (very visible, great choice) to be able to properly visualise exactly what this will look like and whether i need to swap some out. it's kinda fun ngl

have a great time at epcot! every time i see a photo of the norway section i want to make fun of the troll statues and shit but if i'm being so honest that is what every gift shop and touristy spot in this country look like as well it's very real

[ryttu3k-sims]

A rather green and brown lad for gloomiegalaxie's Femboy Friday, 'the poll winner was 'cryptid' but my brain latched on to 'plantsim' so here's a plant-flavoured cryptid' edition! His name is Sylvan and he has Complicated Feelings about veganism.

CC under the cut!

cc used: @ashwwa (shirt) | @barbieaiden (rings) | @deetron-sims (antlers) | @feralpoodles (mask) | @gloomiegalaxie (body blush)

@lordreboot (vines) | @missdemirose (more vines) | @oydis (rings, arm wraps, hair highlights) | @pyxiidis (eyeliner) | @rottenmothboy (contacts)

@saruin (body preset, skin, teeth) | @simstrouble (hair) | @the-daydream-archives (bark skin) | @ts4eve (even more vines) | @valentinakarlova (leaf ear things)

@wistfulpoltergeist (shorts) | @zaneida-and-sims4 (ears)

[loooongfurby4444]

Something something please reblog I’m desperate!

[notwiselybuttoowell]

They are willing to have smaller families, stop using cars and – albeit in smaller numbers – go vegan for the planet, but abandoning single-use plastics and growing a few more plants could be a step too far.

Across Europe, according to a seven-country survey, it seems young people are more willing than older generations to make big lifestyle changes that would help combat the climate crisis – but are less convinced by smaller gestures.

Asked about what sacrifices they would be prepared to make to help fight global heating, 28% of 18- to 24-year-olds and 30% of 25- to 34-year-olds said they would be willing – or were already planning – to have fewer children than they would otherwise like.

Young people were more willing to give up cars, with 54% of 18- to 24-year-olds saying they would – or already did – only walk, cycle or use public transport, against 45% of people over the age of 65. Similarly, 41% would switch to an electric car against 21% of people over the age of 65.

While only 21% of 18- to 24-year-olds said they were willing to – or already had – cut meat and dairy out of their diet entirely, that was still a significantly higher proportion than in older cohorts (17% of 55- to 64-year-olds, and 13% of people over the age of 65).

Younger generations were also much more likely to be willing to (or already did) pay more for air travel (30% of 18- to 24-year-olds against about 22% of people over 55), and buy only secondhand clothes (35% of 18- to 24-year-olds and 38% of 24- to 34-year-olds against 26% of people over the age of 65).

For smaller changes, such as creating green space in their home, eating only seasonal produce, or never buying single-use plastics, older age groups were more likely to say they would be happy to make, or had already made, the change.

Similarly, younger generations appeared more likely to support radical government measures in key policy areas than older cohorts, but were less favourable than their elders towards public policy moves that could be perceived as incremental.

A government-imposed limit on the consumption of meat and dairy products likewise enjoyed significantly stronger support among younger than older generations (43% of 18- to 24-year-olds against 25% of people over the age of 65), as did a significantly higher fuel tax.

Government clampdowns on packaging, programmes to plant more trees, a frequent-flyer levy and strict measures to enforce energy-efficient homes tended to be supported more, or almost equally, by older age groups.

Regardless of age or country, the survey showed Europeans were more likely to think the EU should make decisions about how to tackle the climate crisis on behalf of its member states, rather than individual countries making decisions independently.

Italians, Spaniards and Britons were among the most likely to say they would be willing to make lifestyle changes to help fight the climate emergency, with Germans – a quarter of whom believe global heating is not human-made – the least likely.

Across all age groups, the most popular lifestyle changes were the smaller ones. Creating green space in the home had the broadest support, with 79% of British – down to 66% of Germans – saying they already did so, or would be willing to.

About two-thirds of respondents said they would be willing to eat vegetables and fruit that are in season (or already were), while giving up all meat and dairy was the least popular change, with Italians the most likely to do so at 27%.

Europeans were torn on quitting driving. About 58% of French people, 57% of Italians and 56% of Germans said they would be willing to only walk, cycle or use public transport – but only 40% of British people, 39% of Swedes and 35% of Danes.

[taylorswifttheology]

For this post to make sense, you need some context:

First: egg prices have soared 60% in a year due to an Avian Flu (courtesy Wall Street Journal).

Second: There was a huge Ticketmaster fiasco with Taylor Swift's Eras Tour tickets (courtesy NPR). Swifties got so upset that there was a Senate hearing about it.

Third: At the Grammies, host Trevor Noah said to Taylor that her fans can do anything, so he asked her to tell her fans to address the price of eggs (video here from Reddit).

Which leads to the question: If every Taylor Swift fan became vegan and stopped consuming eggs, would that address the price of eggs?

We use two sources, here and here. Now, I am not an economist, but I did take two courses in economics as an undergraduate and almost got an A in one of them. So we will assume some basic knowledge about supply/demand curves from microeconomics. I don't remember the difference between micro- and macroeconomics but I'll assume that microeconomics is good enough for this problem.

Here is the first source:

Here is the second source.

First, let's estimate the demand curve, in other words: assume the demand curve is fixed and supply has changed.

Comparing October 2022 and January 2203, the second source shows that the SEDI (Shell Egg Demand Indicator) has stayed roughly the same, while the first source shows that egg supply has decreased while prices have increased. This gives us two data points for the demand curve: (1.28m quantity, $5.30/dozen) and (1.4m quantity, $3.00/dozen). These are the two black and blue dots below:

Next, we estimate the supply curve, in other words: assume the supply curve is fixed and demand has changed. According to a friend who is actually a tenured professor in economics, "in the short run the supply curve is going to be basically flat" which I assume means that I should look at a short time frame and assume the supply curve is fixed.

Comparing October 2022 and September 2022, the first source shows a sharp spike in prices in correspondence with a slightly increase in supply. This would predict an increase in demand, and in fact the second source does show a spike in demand during September-October 2022. This is the black dot and green X in the image (with the red dot being the maximum). This gives us a third data point: (1.45m quantity and $4.10/dozen).

Now that we have three data points, let's make some estimates on the demand/supply curves, assuming that they are linear with the same slope (yay Econ 101).

The demand curve, based on the two points above, looks like it's P = 29.9-19.2Q. Now, the supply curve back in September 2022, based on the two points (1.4m quantity, $3/dozen) and (1.45m quantity and $4.10/dozen) indicate a supply curve of P = -27.8 + 22Q (Yes, the slope is "22." No, I did not plan this in advance). Now, I will assume that the Avian flu caused the supply curve to move upwards without changing the slope, because that's the Wikipedia page on supply and demand has. In order to match the data point (1.28m quantity, $5.3/dozen), this means that the current supply curve is P = -22.9+22Q.

Finally, let's assume that Taylor's fans have given up eggs, which moves the demand curve. I believe the SEDI counts "eggs on hand", which I assume is the number of eggs in a refrigerator but I'm too lazy to double-check. Again I will assume that the slope of the demand curve stays the same. Now, according to this WSJ/IPSOS poll, about 3% of the US population are big fans, 12% are big/moderate fans, and 44% are big/moderate/little fans. So in the demand curve, we write quantity in terms of price as

Q = (29.9-P)/19.2

And now the new demand curve is 

Q=(C*29.9-P)/(19.2)

C where C takes values in {0.97 0.88,0.56}. We then check where the new Taylor--modified demand curve intersects the supply curve. We get:

$4.81 per dozen

$3.38 per dozen

-$1.73 per dozen.

Ok, so the last one is clearly non-realistic because we can't have negative prices. The curve probably isn't linear.

Looking back at the graph of source 1, we see that the peak egg price pre-"august" is $3.50. So the conclusion is that if every big or moderate Taylor Swift fan went vegan, the price of eggs (to retailers) would drop to about $3.38, which would completely address the price of eggs.

Whether or not retailers pass on the savings to customers is a different question.

[loriorossevents]

Ultimate Guide to Casino Party Rentals: Planning Tips and Ideas

Did you know that people find the casino enjoyable because winning can be addictive and social environments? Going to a casino offers more than free drinks; it provides the opportunity to connect with others and form friendships. So instead of waiting around in hopes of meeting people at casinos, why not bring the party straight home?

Continue reading to gain the key elements for hosting a casino party rental so that every guest leaves feeling like winners!

One of the first steps of planning a casino party is creating your guest list

Guest lists are an essential first step when it comes to planning any event, since they dictate all other details. Your group of friends may provide enough material for you to have enough guests; otherwise, consider opening up your event to coworkers, family and other acquaintances as potential guests.

Locate an Appropriate Venue

If your house is too small to host casino night comfortably, other options should be explored.

Party plans don’t need to end abruptly; rather, they can become even better! Holding your party at a club or venue offers you ample space and can include bars for refreshments — some people even host casino-themed parties at specialty entertainment centers such as Dave & Busters!

Begin on creating the invites

Your invitation options depend on your needs; online or printed options may work better depending on what suits your preferences. Many prefer Facebook events as this platform makes uploading all details, photos and other details simple and effortless — especially since most people rely on their devices for directions!

Send invites with ample notice so guests can put the event on their calendars and plan ahead. If there will be a formal dress code requirement, be sure to mention that in your invitation!

Select Your Games

Your casino party rental ideas should take inspiration from real life gambling experiences.

Poker, blackjack and roulette are entertaining casino party services to enjoy playing at Mostbet. Be sure to select these casino titles early so that all supplies, chips and cards can be procured in time for your party.

Creating an event/invite on Facebook also gives you the option of creating a poll and asking guests which games they would like to see at your party, to ensure everyone is pleased. While focusing on games, don’t forget small party favors for all!

Get Drinks & Beverages

As part of corporate event planning, providing drinks and food to guests is an integral element. An open bar can keep the party alive; if this is beyond your budget, consider asking guests for donations instead. Ideally, guests should have access to various types of beverages including water and coffee for beverages they don’t mind sipping on throughout their experience.

When selecting foods for a casino party, appetizers and party foods should be your focus. Small plates and bites provide maximum bite without much work or plating involved; and vegan options may help accommodate guests that don’t consume meat.

Prepare the Venue

No matter where your party will take place, preparation should begin early for its decor.

House parties are great because you can begin decorating as soon as the invitations go out, while for venues it can still be planned in advance for decorations to set the right atmosphere and set a memorable atmosphere. Before your party, put up all necessary streamers, games and decorations that set your desired ambience — this includes streamers, banners and games!

Red and black are popular colors used in casino parties. Red, white and black cards as well as roulette tables should feature these hues; bright green should also make an appearance so people know where they can find a game of poker.

Have You Tried Making it Yours

Have You Experienced Being Inspired By Someone Else’s Party Or Pinterest? While certain parties might look fantastic, replicating someone else’s plans will only lead to disaster and disappointment! Instead, personalize the event and make it truly your own by adding color and making it unique — you will create unforgettable moments throughout your night!

Bring the night alive with sparklers and fireworks or keep the slots running smoothly. Imagine what would make an ideal casino experience and add your personal flair.

Everyone Will Win at Your Casino Party

Planning a casino party rental requires many details for an enjoyable evening, from gathering the right group of people together, setting the atmosphere, and making the night exciting. Enlist the help of friends to decorate your party location like a casino and ensure guests will love winning party favors from your prize pool!

Don’t be shy to add some flair and creativity to your party! The more color and music you can provide, the better it will turn out! Make sure you visit our site for more content regarding themed parties and having fun with friends!

[cyarskaren52]

thanksgiving Day is next week! If you have some ideas for a good meal plan just don’t bring these items to the table

FOOD

17 Dishes You BET NOT Bring to a Black Thanksgiving

You'll be better off bringing paper plates than potato salad with raisins.

By

Kalyn Womack

Published12 hours ago

There are more than a dozen things that are off the table (or should be kept off the table) when it comes to what to bring to Thanksgiving. Or rather...a Black Thanksgiving.

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I don’t know what the white folks do over there but over here? We eat sweet potato pies, not pumpkin pies. We eat mac n’ cheese without breadcrumbs. We’d also rather you make one item in its classic recipe versus making it into a casserole.

Black folks stick to the same menu every year and it hasn’t budged for decades now. 

If you’re debating on what to bring to Thanksgiving this year, check out this list of 17 things not to bring. And remember: when in doubt, bring the liquor. 

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2 / 19

List slides

Green Bean Casserole

Amongst the several polls I sent out requesting ideas for this list, this abomination was at the top. The only acceptable form of green beans is with smoked turkey neck and potatoes. Why is it a trend to make this a casserole?

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3 / 19

List slides

Mashed Potatoes

This may be debatable, but trust...you’ll never find this in my household. We have other things to hold gravy. Enter: rice, dressing, and of course, turkey.

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4 / 19

List slides

Potato Salad with Raisins

Matter fact, keep anything you got with raisins in it. Keep ya potato salad, ya pasta salad, macaroni salad and the criminal attempt at a pan of macaroni and cheese if it has raisins. You must do time over this.

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5 / 19

List slides

Pumpkin Things

I don’t have anything against pumpkins for the rest of the Fall/Autumn season, but on Thanksgiving? This is strictly a sweet potato household. If I bite into a pie and it’s pumpkin, we might have to fight.

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6 / 19

List slides

Creamed Spinach

Why? You’re better of bringing artichoke dip for us to snack on while we wait for the food. No one is putting this on their plate.

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7 / 19

List slides

Brussels Sprouts

There’s a specific selection of vegetables that are Thanksgiving-friendly and Brussels sprouts ain’t on the list, sweetheart. Now...if you know how to make them Capital Grille style, you can bring me a pan ;)

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8 / 19

List slides

Canned Greens

Since I was a child, I sat in the kitchen snapping green beans and watching my grandmother clean the collards. You think I don’t know the difference between fresh and canned vegetables? Go head...take the risk of being embarrassed by the shady banter of the entire family if you cut corners and bring canned greens.

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9 / 19

List slides

Boxed Gravy 

Again, we can tell the difference. There are too many leftover greases and turkey juices for you to not be able to make a gravy. Leave that flavorless roux home.

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10 / 19

List slides

Fruit Cake

The main desserts include pie, cobblers, banana pudding and maybe a pound cake. If you walk in with a fruit cake, you will also leave with that fruit cake.

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11 / 19

List slides

Sugar- or Gluten-Free Sweets

Speaking of desserts, we like sugar. We embrace gluten. Even if you’re trying to be conscious of the one guest who has a dietary restriction, please let the rest of us enjoy ourselves.

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12 / 19

List slides

Beyond Meats

On any other day, I will embrace vegan alternatives. But please don’t play with my pork chops and turkey wings.

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13 / 19

List slides

Gelatin-Based Oddities

We’re wayyy past that odd 1980s moment when everything edible was put in gelatin. Leave it alone, babes..unless it’s Jell-O shots. Those are always welcome.

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14 / 19

List slides

Ambrosia

I just learned that this unicorn vomit had a name. That being said, don’t you even dare.

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15 / 19

List slides

Soup

Why?

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16 / 19

List slides

Broccoli-Cheddar Whatever

I get it. Tis’ the season to embrace all variations of broccoli-cheddar dishes. But do us a favor and leave your go-to lunch food in the fridge.

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17 / 19

List slides

Spaghetti

Are you crazy? Your kids have been eating spaghetti for the past week and that’s what you bring to the feast of feasts?!

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18 / 19

List slides

Whatever You Know You’re Not In Charge Of...

Every family has the one relative they can count on for a prominent Thanksgiving dish. If Mama makes the mac n’ cheese every year, please don’t consider this your moment to play Hell’s Kitchen. You will lose.

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19 / 19

List slides https://www.theroot.com/17-dishes-you-bet-not-bring-to-a-black-thanksgiving-1851031675/slides/19

Sent from my iPhone

[hes-writer]

Affliction

Summary:  harry breaks down

Warnings: angst!! tw depressive thoughts

Word Count: 1595 words

A/N: the ‘senses’ poll prompt: how he sounds when he cries :(

A Patron Exclusive one shot available to read now on Patreon (link in bio)

____

Harry could bake vegan-cookies in his kitchen and eat as much as he wanted without any snide comments about his diet. He was able to pull his hair back in a bandana, into a ponytail if it was long enough or simply let it wave around the curves of his ears. Manicured fingernails were left chipped or even lacking the colour lacquer.

Y/N knew that these actions were Harry’s way of coping with the dilemmas that he faced; from his management, from his fans, and even from himself. He was only one person pushed and pulled in either direction. He might as well be a rag doll used for somebody else’s advantage. There was a limit to which one person can take until they are stretched thin trying to cover all aspects of what needed to be done. Trust Y/N’s words when Harry gave every bit of himself and more to please everyone around him.

It wasn’t even that Harry did not know how to say ‘no’ because he truly did. However, anyone would be worn-out by the amount of exhaustion carried on his back. That cold shudder of loneliness--even when he wasn’t alone-- because nobody shared the experience of defeat with him. The twitch of his ears straining to listen when nobody would do the same for him. A subtle jerk of the corners of his lips because he could not keep the smile plastered on his face like paint chipping off the drywalls. The flutter of tired lids waiting to be shut tightly as tears were wrung from his green eyes, lashes tickling his skin underneath the violent colour of his eye bags.

The disappearance of his dimple as an expression of realization gusted him like a frigid brew of wind and the reappearance of the feature; not because he was in any terms happy or glad. Instead, it was the pinch of his lips and the hollowness of his cheeks that embedded the beauty mark on his patchy skin.

Clamped tightly, Harry managed to halt the quiet whimper from resounding the marble kitchen. He was alone; physically. He felt alone. It made him guilty for even admitting it to himself, that despite the support coming every which way; Harry still felt alone.

———

If you need anyone to talk to, my inbox is always open ❤️

____

[messilymoonlit]

masterpost of all my favorite yahoo answers i’ve collected

image IDs under the read more :]

[image id: 17 screenshots of various yahoo answers

the first yahoo answers question is one asked by yahoo answers user ‘Holly’ in the ‘reptiles’ section of the ‘pets’ category. The title of the question reads “I ate a bunch of crickets and I might be sick?” The body of the question reads “my parents are out of town in new zealand and i’m stuck at their house watching their dog and lizard, a crested gecko. He’s a good boy and I like to remind him of that by giving him a cricket to chow down on every once in a blue moon. He also gets his normal powder food. I was just giving him a cricket and wondered what they were like to eat for humans. I popped one in my”. the rest of the question is cut off by blue text reading “...Show more.”

the second question is in the ‘Other- Canada’ section. The question title reads “What do Canadians do for food?” The question’s body reads “What animals do they prefer to hunt & gather? How do they prepare their meals?” Yahoo answers displays this question as having 10 answers.

the third question is in the ‘Non-Alcoholic Drinks’ category. The question title reads “Am I Coca Cola?” The question’s body reads “I have always like Coca Cola, whenever I drink Coca Cola I feel happy. I drink about a box of Coca Cola per day. There isn’t much water in my area so most of my people where I live drink pops to quench our thirst. I wonder after all the Coca Cola I’ve drunk in my life if I’ve truly become Coca Cola. Sincerely your pal, Warren coca Cola.” Yahoo answers displays this question as having 5 answers.

the fourth question is in the ‘Other - Food & Drink’ category. The question title reads “What Gender Is A Hot Dog?” There is no question body. The ‘favorite answer’ highlighted by the question asker reads “Isn’t it obvious?” Yahoo answers displays this question as having 7 answers.

the fifth question is in the ‘Cooking & Recipes’ category. The question title reads “How to make 1 hotdog become 4 ?” The question’s body reads “Would cooking it for longer expand it ? or should i leave it outside to dry ? thanks”. Yahoo displays this question as having 4 answers.

the sixth question is in the ‘Vegetarian & Vegan’ category. The question title reads “Why don’t people eat their children if they die of natural causes?” There is no question body. The ‘favorite answer’ highlighted by the question asker reads “Because generally bereaved relatives are not amused if you dine on their dear departed”.

the seventh question is in the ‘Cooking & Recipes’ category. The question title reads “is baking soda edible?” The question’s body reads “i just ate 5 kilos of baking soda because i saw a tik tok about it and it looks fun so i did it and now i’m scared.” Yahoo displays this question as having 10 answers.

the eighth question is in the ‘Astronomy & Space’ category. The question title reads “Does the full moon effect you?” There is no question body. The ‘favorite answer’ highlighted by the question asker reads “Not anymore ,,,,,,,,, I used to be a Werewolf but i’m alright NAHOOWWWW !!!!!!”, Yahoo answers displays this question as having 22 answers.

the ninth question is in the ‘Polls & Surveys’ category. The question title reads “Do you have eggs in your fridge right now?” The question body reads “I have some but they went off on 23rd May.”

the tenth question is in the ‘Cats’ category. The question title reads “what race are these cats?” There is no question body, but there is an image attatched. It is an image of two cats- one who is in the center of the frame and the other who is only halfway in the image. They are sitting facing the camera. The one in the center is white and has a brown nose. The other one is gray with a white chest, face, and paws. This cat also has green eyes. They are sitting in a carpeted room in front of a white wall. There is some sort of black metal structure propped up against what appears to be a window with a wooden shade over it. Yahoo answers displays this question as having 10 answers.

the eleventh question is in the ‘Fish’ category. The question title reads “i just got bit by a bat in a cave. do i have rabies?” Rabies is misspelled as “rabbies.” There is no question body. The ‘favorite answer’ highlighted by the question asker reads “Yes, you have rabies. And you’re a vampire now too.” Yahoo answers displays this question as having 4 answers.

the twelfth question is in the ‘Dogs’ category. The question title reads “Are dogs basically just land dolphins?” There is no question body. Yahoo answers displays this question as having 8 answers.

the thirteenth question is in the ‘Cats’ category. The question title reads “How many cats is too many cats for one man to own?” There is no question body. Yahoo answers displays this question as having 8 answers.

the fourteenth question is in the ‘Fashion & Accessories’ category. The question title reads “What kinds of clothes do you like wear for summers?” There is no question body. The ‘favorite answer’ highlighted by the question asker reads “ones where youre not too hot in them”. Yahoo answers displays this question as having 4 answers.

the fifteenth question is also in the ‘Fashion & Accessories’ category. The question title reads “Poll: What is something that did not meet your expectations?” There is no question body. The ‘favorite answer’ highlighted by the question asker reads “trying pepperoni for the first time. I was like..that’s it???” Yahoo answers displays this question as having 9 answers.

the sixteenth question is in the ‘Dogs’ category. The question title reads “Why are people so man to female dogs and refer to them as ‘Bitches’ why can’t you call them ‘Mrs Doggy’ ????? ?” There is no question body.  Yahoo answers displays this question as having 9 answers.

the seventeenth question is asked by yahoo answers user ‘global’ in the ‘reptiles’ section of the ‘Pets’ category. The question title reads What do you do if you see an alligator?” there is no question body. Yahoo answers displays this question as having 7 answers. One of these answers is included in the screenshot. It is given by yahoo answers user ‘Cool’ and reads “take it out on a date if its a cutie”.

the eighteenth question is asked by an anonymous yahoo answers user in the ‘Other- Beauty & Style’ section of the ‘Beauty & Style’ category. The question title reads “How do my hands look? ?” The question’s body reads “Just a simple question :)”. There is an image of a hand attached. The hand has pale skin and is on top of what appears to be brown tiles in a bathroom. Part of the sleeve of a gray sweater is seen. Yahoo answers displays this question as having 19 answers. One of these answers is included in the screenshot. It is given by yahoo answers user ‘Tony’ and reads “very very clean hands. I see you pay attention to detail on your nails which by the way those are some beautiful nail. Looks good to me.” end ID]

[pcwpolwrestling]

PCW Extreme Election Night 2020-Part One

================================

[ON SCREEN GRAPHIC: Blue background. The top of the Capitol Building occupies the left hand side of the television screen.

Centered in the middle of the screen: “P-SPAN. THE POLITICAL CHANNEL.”]

P-SPAN Announcer (off screen): The P-SPAN Network bring you long-form public affairs programming from the nation’s capital and are a public service of…

[ON SCREEN GRAPHIC: Logos of twenty three different cable and satellite television companies replace the Capitol Building and P-SPAN graphic.]

P-SPAN Announcer (v/o): …your television provider.

[ON SCREEN GRAPHIC: Returns to the blue background with the top of the Capitol Building occupying the left hand side of the television screen with “P-SPAN. THE POLITICAL CHANNEL.” centered in the middle of the screen.]

P-SPAN Announcer (v/o): P-SPAN. The Political Channel.

===============================

Political Championship Wrestling Extreme Election Night 2020-Part One Hack’s Rusty Nail Saloon Wauseon, Ohio Taped Tuesday November 3rd, 2020 Thursday December 31st, 2020

Announcers: ‘The Voice of PCW’ Johnny Suave AGE: 50 / HT: 5’ 11” WT: 195 HOME: Philadelphia, PA HAIR: Brown / STYLE: Like Ronnie Dunn / FACE: Goatee DRESS: Brown suit without tie

Colleen Crowder ‘Low Level New York Times Reporter Trying to Make a Name for Herself’ AGE: 38 / HT: 5’ 5” WT: 142 HOME: New York City, NY HAIR: Black / STYLE: Curly / FACE: Narrow face with rounded jaw, turned-up nose, faint freckles, and thin lips. Bulging blue eyes, thin eyebrows. DRESS: Black pants suit

SHOW OPEN The crowd starts out with a “PCW! PCW!” chant to start the show.

‘The Voice of PCW’ Johnny Suave comes out with a lifesize cardboard cut-out of Shania Twain and says, “Welcome to PCW- Loose Cannons LOCK AND LOAD!”

The crowd continues the “PCW” chant- much to the annoyance of Suave’s real life co-host Colleen Crowder.

Johnny Suave: “We are coming to you tonight from Hack’s Rusty Nail Saloon in Wauseon, Ohio at the northeast corner of the intersection of Airport Highway and Shoop Avenue,” Suave continues.  “I am Johnny Suave. This hot piece of cardboard is Shania Twain and tonight we find out who will be the PCW CEO for the next four years- current PCW CEO Donald Trump (American Patriots) or challenger Joe Biden (Progressive Alliance).”

Crowder glares at and then elbows Suave in the side at the omission of her introduction.

Suave responds in the most unenthusiastic way possible.

Johnny Suave: “Oh.  And this is Colleen Crowder- a low level New York Times reporter trying to make a name for herself.”

Colleen Crowder: “Really?  Do you have to say it like that?”

Suave ignores her and quickly moves on.  He introduces a video clip from 2016’s Extreme Election Night when Trump defeated the Progressive Alliance’s Hillary Clinton.

(REPLAY: Extreme Election Night 2016- Donald Trump (American Patriots) vs. Hillary Clinton (Progressive Alliance) -It’s not looking good for Trump.

The mainstream media and the Washington DC establishment have interjected themselves into this match at every opportunity including Don Lemon of CNN, the Washington Post’s Eugene Robinson and Dana Milbank, and the New York Times’s David Brooks and Paul Krugman.  Even some members of the American Patriots, John McCain, Lindsey Graham, former Jeb Bush, and Mitt Romney charge the ring on Clinton’s behalf and a huge scrum explodes.  Trump finds himself swallowed up by a mass of humanity as members of each group literally throw each other out of the way to get to him.

Cut to Paul Ryan.  He’s whistling while he ever so subtly tries to inch away from the ring, hoping that no one can see him subtly trying to inch away from the ring.   Mitch McConnell?  He’s gone from ringside and nowhere to be found.  The rest of the establishment?  Sitting in their seats reading the Wall Street Journal or on their phones making plans for their golf getaway.

Then…

-Deplorables ‘Prairie Populist’ William Daniels Bryan, ‘Red Solo Plastic Cup’ Ray McAvay, and Charlie Blackwell stream to the ring followed by forty other people.  Bryan hops up on the ring apron.  He drapes Dana Milbank’s neck over the top rope and drops to the floor causing the Washington Post columnist to whiplash off the ropes and onto his back.  McAvay wields a Big Bertha Driver and takes down Chuck Schumer (Progressive Alliance) and Lindsay Graham (American Patriots).  Mitt Romney sees McAvay using the driver to pole axe his way through the crowd.  He wisely uses discretion and decides to slip out of the ring.  Blackwell jumps into the ring wielding a steel folding chair and starts taking people out left and right: Paul Krugman, Don Lemon, and Jeb Bush.

The American Patriots, Progressive Alliance, and media contingent still in the ring decide to hastily exit stage right leaving just Trump, Hillary, McAvay, Blackwell, Bryan, and the forty-odd Deplorables inside.

Blackwell and McAvay re-station themselves outside the ring and the Les Miserables surrounding the squared circle.  The ring steadily clears and when it does, leaving just Trump and Hillary inside, there’s an unpleasant realization for one side.

Johnny Suave: FIGURE FOUR LEG LOCK!

Clinton eventually has to submit to Trump’s figure four leg lock submission and Trump becomes the new PCW CEO.

Crowder complains… again… that Russian referee Corrina Romanov interceded on Trump’s behalf and cost Hillary Clinton the match.

“Who will leave here tonight as the CEO of PCW?,” Suave continues, again ignoring Crowder.  “Will Donald Trump (American Patriots) book himself another four year stint at the top of the political universe?  Or will Joe Biden (Progressive Alliance) put an end to Trump’s run and take PCW in a different direction?”

Colleen jumps in to point out polls indicate that Joe Biden will win tonight and win very easily.

Johnny Suave: “Because your polls was so correct four years ago.”

Suave then eats another elbow from Crowder.

The entrance music brings out the owner of PCW Dawn McGill as she makes her first appearance of the evening, much to the enthusiastic fanfare of the overwhelming majority inside Hack’s Rusty Nail Saloon.

PCW Owner Dawn McGill

But not Colleen…

Colleen Crowder: “She’s the real problem! She just doesn’t get it.”

The camera pans around the arena.  First…

The Deplorables/Les Miserables section of the bar: ‘Red Solo Cup’ Ray McAvay, ‘Prairie Populist’ William Daniels Bryan, McAvay’s wife and one half of the famed West Texas Adult Entertainment duo Dark and Stormy, Stacee (Dark) Perry.  Paige ‘Stormy’ Reynolds is also there along with Bert the Janitor and General DeBauchery- who looks like a bizarre combination of the AWA’s Colonel DeBeers and Lt. Aldo from Inglorious Basterds, sporting a black captain’s hat right out of World War II, smoking a cigar and grinning obnoxiously, Al Cahall- sporting six pack abs…oh…that’s a six pack in front of his abs- all on their feet cheering wildly.

Colleen Crowder: “And so are they. They’re the problem too!”

Next…

The Conservative Inc. section, the American Patriots/Never Trumpers/country club set (Bill Kristol.  Charlie Sykes.  Jonah Goldberg. David French.  Tom Nichols.  David Reaboi.  Jennifer Rubin.  David Brooks, Ben Sasse, Mitt Romney, Rick Wilson, George Conway, John Kasich. and S.E. Cupp)- are on their feet as well but not cheering all that wildly.

Finally…

Then there’s Progressive Alliance section.  Professor McCarthy waves his ‘good book’ (the good book that tells us things that are correct or incorrect to say, think, or believe) in the air while his Flock- The Green World Order (Peta from PETA, GreenPete, ‘Extreme Vegan’ Brock Cole Lee, and PeaceNick), the Young Jerks (Zenk Cryger, James Idahola, and Anna- the foul-mouthed sidekick), the Deep State (One and Two), Emily S. List, and Code Pink- all sit in their seats not happy to see McGill step out on stage.

McGill smiles and acknowledges the crowd.

Her smile goes away the second Nancy Pelosi (Progressive Alliance) and Mitch McConnell (American Patriots) walk out and join her.

Nancy Pelosi (CA-Progressive Alliance and Mitch McConnell (KY-American Patriots)

COMPROMISE AGREEMENT Dawn has a microphone.

Dawn McGill: “WELCOME EVERYONE TO P-C-W’S EXTREME ELECTION NIGHT 2020!”

RAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

McGill proclaims PCW is back and the faithful jammed inside Hack’s Rusty Nail Saloon cheer her on.

Crowd: “Thank you Dawn (clap clap clap-clap-clap)!  Thank you Dawn (clap clap clap-clap-clap)!”

Dawn McGill: “This show belongs to YOU!  The people!  This show is made by the people for you- the people!”

More wild cheers and thunderous applause.

Next, she tells the PCW faithful that she needs to make a quick announcement before Extreme Election Night 2020 gets under way.

McGill surprises many in the crowd when she announces that she’s reached a compromise agreement with Pelosi and McConnell and Joe Biden and Donald Trump will NOT wrestle each other in the main event tonight.  Cue boos.  McGill herself does not look all that pleased at this development either.

“Tonight’s main event will be ‘Stars N. Stripes’ Kevin Scott of the American Patriots with Donald Trump in his corner versus ‘Mr. Hollywood’ Kevin Daniels from the Progressive Alliance with Joe Biden in his corner versus Charlie Blackwell of the American Heartland Coalition for the PCW Title,” McGill explains.

Suave wonders if Mitch McConnell (KY-American Patriots) sold out Donald Trump by agreeing to the compromise agreement?

Dawn McGill: “Per the terms and conditions agreed to with Ms. Pelosi and Mr. McConnell, the PCW CEO will be named after the match in the same way it used to be- by the owner of PCW which in this case. . .”

McGill turns to Pelosi and McConnell and smirks.

Dawn McGill: “. . . is me.”

Pelosi’s smile suddenly goes away.

The crowd again expresses their support of Dawn McGill.

Crowder protests.  Suave points out that former owner Bubba Jackson was the one who chose Barack Obama not once but twice.  “I’m sure Dawn McGill can make a well-reasoned and fair decision here.  I trust her a lot more than would trust your colleagues,” Suave declared.

Yeah, that doesn’t go over well.  But before Crowder can work up enough righteous indignation to respond…

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

VOICES OF ‘REASON’ …CNN’s Jake Tapper and Brian Stelter come out and walk to the ring and gives the PCW fans a chance to express their righteous indignation.

Colleen Crowder: “It’s about time voices of reason come out and set these idiots straight.”

Tapper and Stelter both climb in.

Tapper reassures Crowder that ‘she’s not alone’ in having to put up with people who are unable to accept reality.

Jake Tapper: “There are some people that are so mendacious, I wouldn’t put them on the air, period.  Like Kayleigh McEnany…”

Stelter shakes his head and mutters “she’s the worst.”

Jake Tapper: “These are just people who tell lies the way that most people breathe-”

*WHAM!*

Crowd pop.

Johnny Suave: “HOLY CRAP!  IT’S KAYLEIGH McENANY!”

And her steel folding chair.  The crowd roars as Tapper falls to the floor.   Stelter turns around and…

*WHAM!*

…he’s face down on the mat.

More crowd popping follows and causes Crowder to become even more indignant.

Colleen Crowder: “SHE CAN’T DO THAT!”

A referee suddenly races down to the ring.

Colleen Crowder: “WHAT?”

Johnny Suave: “WE’VE GOT AN IMPROMPTU MATCH!”

Colleen Crowder: “NOOOOOO!”

*****************************

MATCH #1-HANDICAP MATCH

Trump Spokesperson Kayleigh McEnaney vs. CNN’s Jake Tapper and Brian Stelter

*****************************

**DING-DING**

Both Tapper and Stelter remain on the mat.

Jim Acosta runs in…

*WHAM!*

…and joins them.

Don Lemon rushes down…

*WHAM!*

…yep, same result.

Kaitlan Collins…

*WHAM!*

…down and out.

Johnny Suave: “HERE COMES JEFF ZUCKER!”

The President of CNN rolls into the ring.  He’s pissed and starts shouting at McEnaney.

The result?

*WHAM!*

Zucker finds himself careening through the ropes to the outside.

Crowder goes full on apoplectic now.  “SHE CAN’T DO THAT!” she shouts at the top of her lungs.

McEnaney throws the chair down and drags Tapper on top of Stelter.  She sticks her foot on top of the pile.

ONE.

TWO.

THREE!

**DING-DING-DING**

WINNER: Kayleigh McEnaney @ :30

Johnny Suave: “Kayleigh McEnaney just wiped out CNN!”

McEnaney grabs the microphone.  She calls what just happened tonight “a therapy session for a broken network” Then McEnaney drops the chair and leaves.

Colleen Crowder: “Kayleigh McEnaney doesn’t get to determine what the truth is- that’s our job.  We determine the truth.  We determine the narrative.  We determine the news the people need to see.  We determine the way that the people should react.”

Johnny Suave: “Just like pro wrestling.”

Suave winks.  Colleen just glares at her broadcast partner.

Johnny Suave: “That’s the problem.  Most people would rather you just report the news and let us figure out how we feel about it.”

Crowder starts to respond.  Suave cuts her off and runs down the rest of the card for tonight.

ARIZONA SENATE MEDALLION MATCH: Martha McSally (American Patriots) vs. Mark Kelly (Progressive Alliance)

MICHIGAN SENATE MEDALLION MATCH: Gary Peters (Progressive Alliance) vs. John James (American Patriots)

SOUTH CAROLINA SENATE MEDALLION MATCH: Lindsey Graham (American Patriots) vs. Jaime Harrison (Progressive Alliance)

HIGHLIGHTS FROM THE FACTION WAR GAMES HOUSE MATCH: Progressive Alliance vs. American Patriots

PCW TAG TEAM TITLE MATCH: Jill Berg Enterprises: P.M.C. Banks and Kirk Walstreit (American Patriots) vs. The Green World Order: GreenPete and ‘Vengeful Vegan’ Brock Cole Lee (Progressive Alliance) vs. The Deplorables: ‘Red Solo Cup’ Ray McAvay and ‘Prairie Populist’ William Daniels Bryan (American Heartland Coalition)

PCW WOMEN’S TITLE MATCH: Kathryn Randall Collins (Progressive Alliance) vs. ‘Alaskan Rogue’ Sierra Whalen (American Patriots) vs.  ‘Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl’ Tessa Martin (American Heartland Coalition)

MAIN EVENT/PCW TITLE MATCH: ‘Starz N. Stripes’ Kevin Scott (American Patriots) vs. ‘Mr. Hollywood’ Kevin Daniels vs. ‘Prairie Populist’ William Daniels Bryan (American Heartland Coalition)

PCW CEO Donald Trump (American Patriots) and challenger Joe Biden (Progressive Alliance)

Finally, either Donald Trump  or Joe Biden will be chosen to become the CEO of PCW for the next four years.

Crowder says all the ingredients are there for a blue wave to sweep through PCW.  Suave responds that we’ll find that out soon enough and sends it back to the ring for the second match of the night.

*******************************

MATCH #2-ARIZONA SENATE MEDALLION MATCH:

Martha McSally (American Patriots) vs. Mark Kelly (Progressive Alliance)

*******************************

McSally returns after losing two years ago to Krysten Sinema at Extreme Election Night 2018.  Can she pick up her first PCW win over former astronaut, and husband to Gabrielle Giffords, Mark Kelly?  Or will Kelly continue the recent trend of Progressive Alliance wins in Arizona?

**DING-DING**

Johnny Suave: “And we are underway!”

Kelly and McSally circle.  Wicked chop hits McSally and then she takes a headbutt from Kelly.  Whip to the ropes – scoop slam to McSally by Kelly.  Another whip to the ropes – McSally ducks – off the opposite ropes – Kelly evades a right hand – belly to back suplex to McSally.  Cover.  McSally kicks out.  Kelly with a headlock – McSally reverses and takes down Kelly.  McSally waits – and spears Kelly to the mat.  Cover One – two – kick out.  Waistlock by McSally – Kelly reverses and takes McSally down with a judo takeover.  Leg drop by Kelly.  Cover.  One – two – NO!  McSally gets the shoulder up.  Kelly drags McSally up and pops her with a steel folding chairshot.   McSally looks done.  Kelly hooks the leg.  One – two – NO!  McSally kicks out before the 3.

Colleen Crowder: “That’s it!  I’m calling the match for Mark Kelly!”

Johnny Suave: “The match is not even remotely close to being finished-“

Colleen Crowder: “Nope!  It’s over!”

Kelly swings the chair again – McSally dodges.  She goes springboard off the ropes and kicks the chair into Kelly’s face.  Right hand by McSally drops her and the fans fire up!  Kelly back up – McSally with a waistlock.  Kelly escapes – but runs into a roll up.  One – two – Kelly slips out in time and then decks McSally with a front kick.  Cover.  One – two – NO!  McSally gets her shoulder up in time.  McSally goes to the ropes and rushes at the champion.  Kelly greets her with a chop that literally takes McSally right off her feet!  McSally scrambles up – Kelly measures and SUPERKICK!  McSally collapses to the mat.  Cover.  One – two – NO!   And then a spinning knee from Kelly and again, McSally is down.  One – two – NO!  McSally miraculously escapes again.   Kelly reels McSally in, but McSally wrenches free, only for Kelly to waistlock, spin and LARIAT!  Hook of the the legs.  One – two – NOOOOOOO!

Johnny Suave: “McSally kicked out at the very last second!  It’s not over yet!”

Colleen Crowder: “Nope.  We’ve already called it.  The match is over.”

Shaking his head, Kelly methodically rolls out of the ring and pulls a table out from under.  He sets the table up in the ring and brings McSally back to her feet – McSally fights out of a grapple and chops Kelly.  Arm drag takedown by McSally and she goes top rope. Then…

Johnny Suave: “WAIT A MINUTE!  THAT’S ARIZONA SECRETARY OF STATE KATIE HOBBS!”

Hobbs (Progressive Alliance) to ringside.  She goes to McSally and shoves her off the top rope.  McSally flies and goes through a table.

Johnny Suave: “HOLY CRAP!”

Now it’s Kelly’s turn.  Kelly sets McSally up on his back. Gory Special sends McSally face first to the mat and shook the ring.  Kelly covers.  One….two….THREE!!

WINNER OF ARIZONA SENATE MEDALLION MATCH: Mark Kelly (Progressive Alliance) @ 7:54

The referee hands Kelly the medallion.

Johnny Suave: “McSally did everything she could.  Katie Hobbs’s interference helped swing the match to Mark Kelly.”

Crowder is blatantly cheering on the result.  She’s going full on gloat.

Colleen Crowder: “What did I tell you Johnny?  We called the match and we were right!  Blue Wave baby, Blue Wave!  First Martha McSally, next Lindsey Graham.”

Suave expresses skepticism about Graham losing tonight.

Colleen Crowder: “The polls and our narrative say Graham’s going down.”

CALIFORNIA DREAMING California Governor Gavin Newsom.  No mask.  Dining out with some ‘friends’ inside a swanky restaurant while normal Californians are subjected to strict guidelines against large gatherings and ‘staying home.’

Newsom makes a plea for Joe Biden to bring PCW to California.

Suave notes that Dawn McGill is on record as stating that as long as she’s the owner, PCW will never set foot in California.

Gavin Newsom: “Joe.  When you win later on tonight and become the new PCW CEO, don’t forget that California is open for business!”

In the background, an endless parade of moving trucks pass by.

Newsom says forget holding PCW shows in rednecky bars out in the middle of Nowheresville USA-California is the place PCW should be.  He hails California as the home of Silicon Valley, Hollywood, the Pacific Coast, Disneyworld-

Johnny Suave: “Closed.  Employees laid off.”

Gavin Newsom: “And-“

Johnny Suave: “Choking regulations that is driving business out of the state.”

Several moving trucks honk as they drive past.

Suave also notes an average California home costs $440,000 (two–and–a–half times the average national home price of $180,000) and that the average monthly rent is about $1,240 (50 percent higher than the rest of the country-$840 per month).

Behind Newsom, Elon Musk looks at him with disgust.  Then he leaves and hops on a moving truck.

Gavin Newsom: “With all that, it’s no wonder that California is the place to be.  So come to California, PCW.  And, oh, make sure you bring your checkbook…”

Suddenly, the electricity goes out and the restaurant is left in total darkness.

Gavin Newsom: “…so you too can live the California dream!”

*********************************

MATCH #3- SOUTH CAROLINA SENATE MEDALLION MATCH:

Lindsey Graham (American Patriots) vs. Jaime Harrison (Progressive Alliance)

*********************************

Colleen Crowder: “Our polls say that Lindsey Graham is in trouble.  I predict he’ll fall before the big Blue Wave that’s coming!”

Johnny Suave: “Well?  We’ll find out in just a moment. Will this be Lindsey Graham’s biggest battle yet?  Will Jaime Harrison bring the South Carolina Medallion to the Progressive Alliance?”

…Harrison goes waistlock – Graham elbows him away!  He drives his shoulder into Harrison’s gut and drives him into the corner turnbuckle.  Graham then with a forearm shot and runs at Harrison again – shoulder into the stomach topples him over.  Cover.  One – TWO!

Johnny Suave: “Harrison kicks out.  But the surprise here is just how tenacious Lindsey Graham has been tonight about defending his South Carolina Medallion.”

Crowder calls Graham’s effort noble but futile. She still maintains that Harrison will win.

Graham doesn’t let up.  Hip toss sends Harrison to the middle of the ring.  Cover – One – TWO!  Again Harrison kicks out. This time he rakes Graham’s eyes and whips him into the corner.

Colleen Crowder: “Here we go!  Jaime Harrison is going to-“

Graham counters with a raised foot to the face.  Graham waits – he launches himself at Harrison –LARIAT!  Cover.  One – two – THREE!

WINNER OF SOUTH CAROLINA SENATE MEDALLION MATCH: Lindsey Graham (American Patriots) @ 3:15

Johnny Suave: “And the answer is no.  Crowder was not correct and Lindsey Graham wins comfortably.”

Suave turns to Colleen for her take on the match.

Colleen Crowder: “The match isn’t over yet, Johnny.  We haven’t called it yet.”

Johnny Suave: “The referee just made the three count.  It’s over.”

Colleen Crowder: “Nope.  It’s not until we call it and say it’s over.”

JOE BIDEN INTERVIEW Shaking his head, Suave moves on.  He recounts Extreme Election Night 2008 and 2012 where the then-owner of PCW came out after the main event and announced who would be the PCW CEO for the next four years.

VIDEO REPLAY: –2008.  PCW Owner Bubba Jackson names Barack Obama (Progressive Alliance) as the winner and new CEO of PCW.  He shakes hands with his opponent John McCain (American Patriots).

-2012.  Jackson again names Obama as the winner.   Obama’s opponent Mitt Romney (American Patriots) walks over and shakes hands with the returning PCW CEO.

Johnny Suave: “Then in 2016 after Dawn McGill took over ownership of PCW, Donald Trump defeated Hillary Clinton inside the ring to succeed Barack Obama.  But tonight, we return to the old way.

Cut to: Outside Dawn McGill’s office.

Inside Dawn’s office.  The Progressive Alliance’s Joe Biden.

Johnny Suave: During Extreme Election Night, the candidate is interviewed by the PCW owner.

The door opens.  Biden and his candidate for Aide de Camp Kamala Harris emerges from McGIll’s office.

There’s a perfunctory handshake between McGill and Biden just outside her office that seems more than a little bit awkward.

Then Biden goes to the podium to talk briefly to his supporters.  There’s eight of them on hand- socially distanced standing in appropriately separated circles.

Biden gives a brief statement and ends with…

Joe Biden: “We’re going to build back…um…to make better…changes so we can…change for the… better.”

He also added.

Joe Biden: “TRUNALIMUNUMAPRZURE!”

Scattered applause.

Cut back to Suave and Crowder.

Colleen Crowder: Ladies and gentlemen.  This is your next PCW CEO!

Johnny Suave: Next in to see PCW Owner Dawn McGill- the current CEO of Political Championship Wrestling, Donald Trump.

Crowder gives a thumbs-down to Trump and ‘boos.’

Cut back to outside Dawn McGill’s office.

TRUMP INTERVIEW Following Trump’s interview with McGill, he and his Aide de Camp Mike Pence exit her office- both smiling.

Trump and McGill share a more effusive handshake, again everyone all smiles.

Trump then goes to the podium and addresses the enthusiastic two hundred and fifty people who’ve crowded into a very tight area to hear him speak.

Colleen Crowder: Really?  Where’s the social distancing?  Where’s the masks?  This is irresponsible.

Trump gives his break remarks and ends with…

Donald Trump: We are one movement, one people, and one family!  Together we will make PCW great again!

Big cheers follow.

Cut back to Suave and Crowder.

Johnny Suave: “So Colleen, how’s that Blue Wave coming along?”

Colleen Crowder: “Shut up!  The night isn’t over yet and we still haven’t called the Lindsey Graham-Jaime Harrison match.”

Johnny Suave: “I’ll make it easy for you. Graham has the medallion.  He won.  Harrison lost.”

Colleen Crowder: “But we didn’t call it-“

THE AMERICAN PATRIOT BOX Quick cut to the American Patriots’ box.  The Coke Brothers-Charles and David, financiers and mover and shaker of the American Patriots, glares towards the ring from his suite.  He plucks his phone from a suit pocket and punches in a number.

PROGRESSIVE ALLIANCE BOX Quick cut to the Progressive Alliance box.  George Moros, big money spender and mover and shaker in the Progressive Alliance, has a sour look on his face as well.

TAG TEAM TITLE MATCH TIME Suave announces it’s time for the big three-way PCW Tag Team Title match.

First team out…

THUMP

THUMP

THUMP-THUMP-THUMP

Pop. Big…big pop.

THUMP

THUMP

THUMP-THUMP-THUMP

The crowd erupts when the video screen shows the door to a dressing room in the back. A police escort is waiting at the door. One of the policemen knocks on the door.

Policeman: “Ms. Berg. It’s time.”

Colleen Crowder (voiceover): What do you mean it’s time? It’s time for what?

The door opens and eight male bodyguards walk out of the dressing room encircling a petite 95 pound woman and her executive assistant Melissa in the middle. The woman, dressed in a smart, dark business suit and heels, is busy talking on her cell phone.   Melissa furiously scribbles down notes as the group makes their way towards the ring followed by P.M.C. Banks and Kirk Walstreit.

THUMP

THUMP

THUMP-THUMP-THUMP

A huge roar greets the procession as it emerges from the back onto the stage and starts their way down the ramp.  Two of the bodyguards use a fire extinguisher to create a fog like effect as the ‘Queen of Greed’ Jill Berg walks through. Two others hold sparklers up in the air as she passes by.

Berg and her Executive Assistant Melissa leads Banks and Walstreit out to the stage.

Jill Berg Enterprises MGR: ‘Queen of Greed’ Jill Berg ASST: Melissa P.M.C. Banks AGE: 30 / HT: 6′ 1″  WT: 230 / HOME: New York City, NY FIN: Bank Statement Overdraft Kirk Walstreit – ‘Wall Street Market Analyst with the Man Crush on ESPN’s Kirk Herbstreit.’ AGE: 34 / HT: 6’ 2” WT: 220, HOME: New York City, NY FIN: Stock Market Plunge

Berg leads the group down to the ring. Once inside the ring, Walstreit walks around holding up a velvet painting of ESPN’s Kirk Herbstreit. Why? Who knows. That’s just what he does.

Next out…

♫ “Do you hear the people sing? – Singing the song of angry men?”

The camera pans over to the Deplorable’s section of the arena.  Ray McAvay and William Daniels Bryan high five while Charlie Blackwell and ‘No Frills’ Chris Escondido stands up from their seat.

Crowder is not happy to see them.

Colleen Crowder: “BOOOO!  BOOOOO!  These Deplorable idiots are the ones responsible for Donald Trump winning in 2016!  BOOOOO!”

The Deplorables MGR: Bert the Janitor ‘Red Solo Cup’ Ray McAvay HT: 6’ 3” WT: 215 HOME: Fort Stockton, TX FIN: McGill Bomb Valets: West Texas Adult Entertainment Legends Dark and Stormy William Daniels Bryan– ‘The Prairie Populist’ -4 time PCW Champion.  Former PCW Television Champion HT: 5’10″ WT: 180, HOME: Platte, Nebraska / FIN: Cattle Mutilation or the Crane Kick SUBGROUP: General DeBauchery, Al Cahall, Nic Koteen

Also rising from their seats, General DeBauchery- who looks like a bizarre combination of the AWA’s Colonel DeBeers and Lt. Aldo from Inglorious Basterds, sporting a black captain’s hat right out of World War II, smoking a cigar and grinning obnoxiously, Al Cahall- sporting six pack abs…oh…that’s a six pack in front of his abs and the man smoking a cigarette in violation of several anti-smoking ordinances…as usual, Nic Koteen.

McAvay and Bryan stands up and edges towards the aisle. Blackwell, and Escondido follow.  Then General DeBauchery, Cahall, and Koteen.  Before McAvay and Escondido start to descend down the steps towards the rail separating the stands from the floor, McAvay turns around and gestures to the Les Miserables to join him.

The Deplorables rise up from their seats and line up behind him and Escondido as the pair start their way down towards the ring.

The camera spots West Texas Adult Entertainment Legends Dark and Stormy with their protégée Starbrite, all sporting the PCW Ray McAvay “Show Up. Punch In. Shut Up.  Get to Work” baseball jersey, marching along with the other Les Miserables as McAvay and the procession head down to the ring.

McAvay, Bryan, Blackwell, Escondido, and the rest reach the steel barricade around ringside.  One by one, they climb through the railing down to the floor and march towards the ring.

Then finally…

WE’RE CHANGING EVERYTHING!

The song opens with a full minute and a half of abstract acapella tones.  The wrestlers already in the ring wonder what the hell is with the music.

They’d find out soon enough after another minute of somber keyboard strikes and overlaid whale calls.

Male Voice: “My name is Brock Cole Lee.  You can call me the Vengeful Vegan.  And I’m here to let you know one thing.  It’s time for a new force to emerge.  It’s time for someone to come in and take over.  It’s time for us- the GREEN… WORLD…ORDER!”

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Brock Cole Lee: “That’s right.  Boo us all you want.   The bottom line is . . . the Green World Order is here and WE’RE CHANGING EVERYTHING!”

This excites Crowder.

Colleen Crowder: “They’re changing everything Johnny!”

Johnny Suave: “They’ve been saying that since 2005.  I’ll believe it when I see it.”

Lee, his tag team partner GreenPete, and valet Peta from PETA- who spends most of the trip to the ring shouting at people for eating hamburgers and other assorted objectionable food.

Green World Order Valet: Peta from PETA GreenPete HT: 5′ 11″ WT: 195 / HOME: Los Angeles, CA FIN: Harpoon (modified spear or gore) ‘Extreme Vegan’ Brock Cole Lee HT: 6′ 3″ WT: 192 / HOME: New York City, NY FIN: The Juicer WITH: PeaceNick

All three teams in the ring now.

*********************************

MATCH #4-PCW TAG TEAM TITLE MATCH:

Jill Berg Enterprises: P.M.C. Banks and Kirk Walstreit (American Patriots) vs. The Green World Order: GreenPete and ‘Vengeful Vegan’ Brock Cole Lee (Progressive Alliance) vs. The Deplorables: ‘Red Solo Cup’ Ray McAvay and ‘The Prairie Populist’ William Daniels Bryan (American Heartland Coalition)

*********************************

Johnny Suave: “This is NOT an elimination match.  The first team who gets a pinfall will be the new PCW Tag Team champions.”

Colleen Crowder: “GO GREEN WORLD ORDER!”

P.M.C. Banks, McAvay, and GreenPete will start.  Outside the ring, The ‘Queen of Greed’ Jill Berg watches with arms folded.  The Green World Order’s PeaceNick chants peaceful, pacifistic mantras while Peta continues to berate people at ringside for eating meat.  The Deplorables at ringside clap their hands and cheer on McAvay and Bryan.

Brock Cole Lee and Kirk Walstreit taunt each other on the ring apron.  Banks and GreenPete do a lot of talking while McAvay and Bryan confer.   Banks shoves GreenPete.  GreenPete shoves Banks.  Head butt by GreenPete staggers Banks.  He slams him down.  Cover.  One – two – McAvay makes the save.

Banks rolls out of the ring.  GreenPete tags out to Brock Cole Lee who tells Banks to get his ass back into the ring.  Banks and Walstreit talk strategy outside the ring with Jill Berg.   Finally, a ten count begins and Banks returns.

Banks ties up with McAvay.  McAvay gets leveled from behind by Lee.  Banks decides he’s had enough and tags out to Kirk Walstreit.  Walstreit rushes in – Lee gets a takedown.  Waistlock by Lee – he holds on as Walstreit tries to escape.  McAvay back up and he’s got a chair thanks to his tag partner.  *WHAM!*  Walstreit then German Suplexes Lee.  Oklahoma Roll – one – two – GreenPete in for the save.  Bryan tags in and he connects on a mat slam to Walstreit.  He covers.  One – two – BANKS MAKES THE SAVE!  Lee tags GreenPete back in.  Bryan and Walstreit duel – MULE KICK by GreenPete connects.  Walstreit lets go – he dives for the corner – NO!  GreenPete pulls him back at the last second.  Lee clocks Bryan from behind with a steel folding chair and then throws him out of the ring.  Banks tags in for Walstreit.  GreenPete kicks Banks around the ring. Banks down.  He tries to get to his corner but Walstreit stomps away with kick after kick after kick.  The referee starts a five count – GreenPete stomps more.  Then he goes back suplex but Banks lands on his feet.  He ducks two more kicks from GreenPete and hits a DESPERATION BANK STATEMENT OVERDRAFT.

Johnny Suave: “HOLY CRAP!”

Colleen Crowder: “THAT CAN’T BE LEGAL!”

Suave assures her it is and that GreenPete is down and in big trouble.

Crowd on their feet.  But Banks can’t make the pinfall on GreenPete.  Both men crawl to their corners – hot tags to Brock Cole Lee and Walstreit!  Lee and Walstreit exchange right hands.  Lee decks Walstreit with a right hand.

Outside the ring, Jill Berg strolls over and… *SMACK* unleashes a vicious spinning heel kick to an unsuspecting GreenPete and knocks him out cold.

Colleen Crowder: WHAT?  WHAT IS SHE DOING?

PeaceNick looks on in horror and starts to protest.  Berg calmly walks over to him and *SMACK* …you guessed it.

Johnny Suave: Getting in some martial arts training during the match?

We hear Crowder’s overly audible ‘huff’ following Suave’s remark.

Now Bryan back in and he’s looking for anyone in a green shirt.  He ducks a Lee clothesline and runs the ropes.  Bryan ducks a second clothesline – stops, spins around – SLEEPER!  Lee spins around and tries to get Bryan off his back.  Lee slams Bryan into the corner turnbuckle.  And again.  A third time – Bryan is scraped off.  Banks give him a stomp and then clocks Lee.  GreenPete in the ring and runs and SPLASHES Banks in the corner.  Banks down.  Cover by Bryan.  One – two – WALSTREIT MAKES THE SAVE!   Bryan goes after Banks.  Lee scoop slams Bryan.  Cover.  One – two – BRYAN GETS THE SHOULDER UP!

Bryan slips through Lee’s legs and tags McAvay back in.  Both Deplorables hook up Banks, then hit a double suplex.  McAvay’s cover.  One – two – NO!  Banks kicks out.  Lee shoves McAvay out of the way and hits a spinning neckbreaker on Banks.  Cover.  One – two – Banks again kicks out.  Banks reverses a hip toss – steps back – SUPERKICK TO BROCK COLE LEE!  Lee down.  Banks rolls over.  One – two – Lee kicks out.  Banks tags Kirk Walstreit back in.  Flying elbow off the top rope by Walstreit takes Lee down again.  He covers.  One – two – 2.999!

Johnny Suave: “RAY McAVAY MAKES THE LAST SECOND SAVE!”

McAvay goes for the cover.  But two masked men hit the ring and tackle him.

Johnny Suave: “WAIT A MINUTE!  IT’S LOAF!”

League of Anti-Fascists aka…LOAF Ted HT: 5′ 11″ WT: 180 / HOME: Portland, OR FIN: Chaz HT: 6′ 1″ WT: 205 / HOME: Seattle, WA FIN:

McAvay tries to fight LOAF off – but Ted throws McAvay over the top rope to the floor.  Then LOAF hop over the top rope and splashes McAvay and Bryan on the floor.

Colleen Crowder: “This is payback Johnny.  Payback for what McAvay and Bryan did four years ago to help Donald Trump become the CEO of PCW and it’s ABOUT TIME!”

The Deplorables come to McAvay and Bryan’s aid and LOAF has to bail out.

Johnny Suave: “But the damage is done.  Both McAvay and Bryan are down.”

Not for long though, McAvay drags himself up.

*SMACK*

Johnny Suave: “HOLY CRAP!  JILL BERG JUST TOOK OUT RAY McAVAY WITH A SPINNING HEEL KICK!”

*SMACK*

Johnny Suave: “AND WILLIAM DANIELS BRYAN, TOO!”

This makes Crowder happy.

Colleen Crowder: “Again, it couldn’t have happened to better people.”

Walstreit again goes top rope – flying ax-handle drives Lee back down.  Cover.  One – two – NO!  Lee ejects Walstreit to the middle of the ring.  Walstreit with a waistlock – Lee reverses – backdrop to Walstreit.  Cover.  One – two – Walstreit slips out.  P.M.C. Banks runs in.  He slams Lee down.  Walstreit comes over.  Set.  DOUBLE SUPERKICKS!!  Lee is out of his feet.  Walstreit in – STOCK MARKET PLUNGE! COVER!  ONE – TWO- THREE!  NEW CHAMPIONS!

WINNER AND **NEW** PCW TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS: Jill Berg Enterprises @ 14:05

Johnny Suave: “Jill Berg Enterprises win!”

Colleen Crowder: “Again, they have not.  We have not called the-“

The referee hands Walstreit and Banks the PCW Tag Team title match.

Johnny Suave: “Walstreit and Banks hold up their new title belts!”

Colleen Crowder: “They can’t do that!  This match hasn’t been called yet!”

Johnny Suave: “Breaking news!  The new PCW Tag Team champions put on their new title belts signifying that they are, in fact, the NEW PCW Tag Team champions.”

Colleen Crowder: “Don’t you dare mansplain to me!”

Johnny Suave: “Okay.  We are going to go right to our next match.  A special bonus match for the Alabama Senate Medallion between the Progressive Alliance’s Doug Jones and former Auburn Head Football Coach Tommy Tuberville of the American Patriots.”

Colleen Crowder: “That’s another win for the Progressive Alliance.”

Suave rolls his eyes and waves her off.

Cut to a quick video of the match:

VIDEO-Alabama Medallion Match: Doug Jones (Progressive Alliance) vs. Tommy Tuberville (American Patriots) Tuberville is having little trouble with Jones.

Voice Offscreen: “Hold on Johnny.  Stop the video.”

SHOWSTOPPERS Arriving at the broadcast table: Pennsylvania State Attorney General Josh Shapiro, Michigan Governor Gretchen Whitmer, Michigan Secretary of State Jocelyn Benson, and former Georgia Gubernatorial candidate Stacey Abrams- all from the Progressive Alliance.The group inform Suave that the show is going to be stopped for the moment.

Johnny Suave: “Stopped?  But why?”

Josh Shapiro: “Look.  This is the first show back.  The production crew is tired.  They’re getting back into the flow of things.  So we will pick up the show on Sunday evening with the conclusion.”

Colleen Crowder: “When Joe Biden will become the new PCW CEO!”

Shapiro nods to Crowder.

Josh Shapiro: “When Joe Biden will become the next CEO of PCW.”

Johnny Suave: “I guess we will be back with Part Two of PCW Extreme Election Night 2020 on Sunday night!  For Colleen Crowder-“Colleen Crowder: I am more than capable of saying goodbye.  I don’t need a man to-Johnny Suave: Good night everyone!

Cut to:

EPILOGUE Darkened room.  Dim light.

Shadows move around.

George Moros- billionaire financier of the Progressive Alliance.

The Coke Brothers- billionaire financiers of the American Patriots.

A door opens.  Then closes.

Charles Coke: Sarah.

The woman is Sarah Lenti, executive director of the Lincoln Project- a group of American Patriots and former American Patriots dedicated to preventing Donald Trump from winning a second term as PCW CEO.

Sarah Lenti: What the hell is going on!  I thought you had things under control.

David Coke: Sarah, I know things haven’t exactly gone to plan-

Sarah Lenti: Not gone to plan?  Dawn McGill is still in control of PCW with all her ‘PCW is for the people’ bull-*BLEEP*.

George Moros tries to reassure her.

George Moros: Look.  We stopped the show for the evening.  That gives us time to figure this out.

Sarah Lenti: Dawn McGill is going to hand the reins of PCW to Donald Trump for another four years!

George Moros: No she won’t.  Clearly, it’s time to take this to the next level.

Moros pulls out a cell phone and hits a button.

George Moros: It’s time.  Operation Dominion is in effect.

[‘Trumpet Concerto No. 2 in D major – 3 Allegro assai’ begins to play in the background and P-SPAN quickly cuts away to another political event.]

[deliamoran]

Global Climate Strike Day

Tomorrow is Global Climate Strike day. I love the idea, and I love the kids who came up with it. But disrupting the system and making our voices heard will only go so far unless we all change. So, in the interest of changing large things by starting small, I’ve made a list of some concrete ways we can all contribute to the solution. This is a list of suggestions, obviously, not mandates. Some of us can do a few things, some of us can do all the things. The important thing is to look at what we can do, and then do it, as we can. I’ve started—much later than I should have. I hope people will join me.

Small Things:

• Turn off the lights you’re not using. Switch to efficient lightbulbs, if you haven’t already.

• Don’t let your car idle any more than is necessary. Slow down when you’re driving.

• Replace your liquid soaps and shampoos with bars. Shampoo bars are becoming more widely available, and bar soaps use less water and very little to no plastic. I like Silver Falls Sustainability Co.,* who also makes a natural deodorant that works well and does not use plastic packaging, but there are more and more options popping up. Look for them.

• Invest in a menstrual cup.

• Buy natural fibers when you can to reduce the influx of plastic fibers into the oceans.

• Walk, bike, or take public transportation when you can.

• Compost your food scraps.

• Use beeswax cloth to wrap your food instead of Ziplock bags or plastic wrap.

• If you use a Keurig, use the reusable filter instead of pods.

• Opt for the orange juice in the recyclable cardboard rather than the plastic jug.

• Use reusable bags for your shopping. I like this one by Kikkerland,* because it’s handy to carry in a purse and use when you need it unexpectedly. Find your favorite and use it.

• Use cotton dish towels instead of paper towels, regular plates instead of paper, fabric napkins, etc. Be mindful of how much toilet paper you use.

• Use a towel and soap, rather than individual cleaning cloths like Clorox wipes. Use a reusable mop and duster, rather than single-use products like Swiffer.

• Stop using fertilizers and insecticides on your lawn. They are often fatal to pollinators. Allow some wild flowers to grow. Seed some flowering clover into your grass. Plant a bee and butterfly-friendly bush in your yard. Hang a bee house. Take up bee keeping.

• Use mousetraps instead of mouse or rat poison. The dead rodents are eaten by birds of prey, who are poisoned by extension.

• Take shorter showers. Turn off the water while you brush your teeth.

• Buy your own reusable straws, or stop using them altogether. Don’t take any more napkins than you need.

• Don’t take the little green plastic plug at Starbucks. If you’re a regular, buy a reusable cup. Bring it with you.

• Don’t crank your heat or air conditioning. Follow your dad’s advice and put on a sweater.

• Cut down on your clothing and shoe purchases, if practical. Remember that faux fur and vegan leather are really just plastic. If you’d like to avoid leather, try cotton canvas or hemp. Shop for gently used clothes at thrift stores and donate old clothes to thrift stores or charitable foundations, or resell in consignment shops.

• Try compostable trash bags. If you have a dog, use degradable poop bags.

• Quit smoking. If you can’t (or don’t want to right now), dispose of your butts properly. Don’t throw them on the ground or out the car window. Cigarette butts can take up to 10 years to degrade, and contain toxins that leach into the ground as they do so. They can also cause wildfires when disposed of improperly.

• Be extra careful not to light campfires during very dry weather. Douse them completely, even in wet weather.

• Use charitable extensions or search engines, such as Tab Gladly or Ecosia. Support companies who support the environment. (Patagonia comes to mind.*)

• Recycle everything you can.

• Pick up litter and dispose of it properly.

Political Things:

• Write or call your congressional and senate delegates—both federal and local—and let them know what you’d like to see. Be clear and specific. Do you want emissions regulations? Greater investment in alternative fuel infrastructure? Stricter regulation of deforestation or insecticide use? Say so. Say it often.

• Contact the EPA, too. They are authorized to create regulations as necessary, without congressional input. Public input, however, is part of this process. Let them know what you expect from them. Be persistent.

• Be active in your local government. Write letters, attend meetings, run for office. These are often the people who set things like minimum lot sizes, and who approve construction and development. Development, and the deforestation and wetland destruction that often comes with it, is in their hands. Let them know what you want and why.

• Attend demonstrations and rallies. Be vocal.

• Register to vote. If you know people who haven’t, help them do so. Encourage those around you to go to the polls on election days, both local and federal. Give people rides.

• Speak to your homeowner’s association about strict lawn regulations. Again, perfect lawns are often the enemy of bees and other pollinators. This one’s a difficult, long-haul type of battle that you may not ultimately win. But that doesn’t mean it’s not worth trying.

Big Things:

• Invest in energy efficient appliances the next time you need them. Recycle your old ones.

• If remodeling, choose sustainably sourced materials. Recycle, repurpose, or donate what you tear out. Usable cabinets, fixtures, etc. may be donated to charities such as Habitat Rehome. Look for them.

• Get as efficient a furnace as you can. Change the filters.

• When it’s time to replace your mattress, opt for eco-friendly materials, like wool and latex.

• Switch up your car. Buy electric, hybrid, or plug-in hybrid.

• Install a solar array, geo-thermal, on-demand gas, or any other alternative energy source you can.

• Invest in companies developing alternative fuel sources, such as vertical axis wind turbines.

• Run for federal office or volunteer for the campaign of an environmentally active candidate.

• Volunteer with an environmental conservation organization.

• Donate to environmental organizations, such as Conservation International, CarbonFund.Org, The Sierra Club, etc.

• Above all, and this is just my opinion, get out into nature. Hike, explore, educate yourself. The more you know about the world around you, the harder it will be for you to give it up, and the easier it will be to fight for it.

Obviously, this is by no means a comprehensive list. Please add your suggestions. If you’d like to pass this list on, please do! Share it, copy and paste it, add to it, if you like. I require no credit. If we all do a little, a lot can be done.

*No one’s paying me for this. These are just the products I use and like. You can make up your own mind.

[schwadronation]

Database Cruise 2020

What a fucking year it was. So many countries. Always on the road. Too many meaningless people, faces, cities, coffees.

What the fuck is this? I’m not on instagram, i’m so out of touch with reality and life and in general my so called “friends”. The only key whole i peak occasionally into to watch the ether is twitter. 

Denmark - yea I think I was there this yea?! As much as in Singapore airport and in the moroccan phone network. Either i become a monk, or I become an instagrammer. If i was famous i’d conduct a twitter poll to answer that question. 

I’m lonely and in hyper writing mode. Actually i should work. Travis scott is in sicko mode. Come on, get to that point where you explode. Give me that small moment. A translation of a translation. With no paint, but japanese green tea in osaka’s suburbs. TAISHO STATION I CALL THIS FUCKING JAM. ordered occtopus noodels because i’m lacking the language skills to communicate what i want. The octopus noodels. 

We saw a baby octopus in Sulawesi’s Togean islands. Saw a baby cheebee in Dotonbori after breakfast in the vegan Berlin themed restaurant. With small portions and weak coffee. 

Impressions. Impressions for nobody. 

[wheresmogs-blog]

How can we un-fuck the planet?

Happy Earth Day!

Travelling around the world for the past few months has really made us appreciate how insanely incredible it really is.

Today is a day to celebrate the awesomeness of our one and only home - Planet Earth.

More importantly, though, it’s a day to recognise and acknowledge just how much we’ve truly fucked it up.

And most of that fucking-up has been done in our lifetimes.

Since the United Nations established its climate change framework in 1992, we’ve done more damage to the environment than we did in all the millennia that preceded it.

Or, as David Wallace-Wells puts it in his terrifying book The Uninhabitable Earth - “We have now done more damage to the environment knowingly than we ever managed in ignorance.”

It’s no longer a case of a few coastal towns being flooded at some far off point in the future. It’s going to start happening faster, on a bigger scale, and more severely than we’ve ever really considered. You can read a summary of the devastating impacts here.

This is not alarmist. It’s bloody terrifying and we should be scared. Climate change is the single most important story of our time and the greatest challenge any generation is ever likely to face. But rather than run around panicking or sticking our heads further into the sand we need to do something, anything.

So today on Earth Day why don’t we all try and have at least one conversation about our future, our children’s future, and the future of our planet.

Even better, let’s all try and do something to make a difference. To make things easier, here are some really simple, quick things that will not only help save the world but could also save you a load of money too.

What can we do right now to un-fuck the earth?

TAKE A STAND - To have an impact at the scale we need in order to avert, or even just minimise the disasters mentioned above, we need change at not just personal but local, national and global levels. Show your support for environmental movements and make your voice heard by supporting and voting for groups that are going to give our planet the best chance.

ACT NOW

Vote in the UK local elections on May 2nd. Check how all the UK parties rank on climate change here. Find your local council here. Find your local polling station here. Learn more about the local elections here.

Vote in the EU elections by May 26th. Find out how all the EU political groups & national parties rank on climate change here. Figure out if and how you can vote here.

Join a group like Extinction Rebellion - an international movement that’s raising the alarm and making serious demands of governments.

Sign a petition - like the one being led by Friends of the Earth which is addressed to the UK Government. You can sign it here.

SWITCH TO RENEWABLE ENERGY - This is actually one of the easiest and quickest things you can do to significantly reduce your carbon footprint almost immediately. Not only does it take minutes it could save you a load of money too.

ACT NOW - Come on, you knew it was coming. You’ve heard it before but I’ll say it again. Switch to Bulb today (if you live in the UK). It will genuinely take just a few minutes and you could save up to £356 on your energy bill. You’ll also get £50 credit if you do it by clicking my mate Georgie’s referral link here: https://bulb.co.uk/refer/gdale

FLY LESS - Very few of us are going to stop flying altogether. We’ve obviously taken a few flights during this trip but we’ve tried to plan it so that we only do so when we really have to. Just cutting down by one flight can have a massive impact. 1 return flight from London to Malaga contributes the same amount of CO2 as eating beef 1-2 times a week for an entire year.

ACT NOW - Find a way to take just one less flight. When you really do have to fly, fly direct since planes burn the most fuel during takeoff. You can also try and compensate for it by investing in green projects such as those featured on the United Nations Carbon offset platform, something we’re doing for all our flights during this trip.

EAT LESS MEAT & DAIRY - In western countries, we need to reduce our beef consumption by an insane 90%. Again, very few of us are going to turn into vegans overnight but what about just eating a bit less meat? We’ve found it surprisingly easy to cut down on our red meat during our travels and that alone can have a huge impact. We were even lucky enough to try an Impossible Burger in Singapore. Tasted just as good, if not better, than most burgers we’ve ever had and it’s made entirely of plants!

ACT NOW - Do Meat-free Mondays. If you and your family skipped meat and cheese just one day a week that would be the equivalent of not driving for five weeks. Also, eating seasonal, locally produced food has a huge impact. So maybe cut down on those avocados too - you might just save some money as well.

TALK ABOUT IT - One of the most important things you can do to fight climate change is to talk about it. People might not yet realise it but it’s going to affect every single one of us. So finding ways to talk about it through shared values is key. If we’re going to save the planet we need as many people as possible to get involved.

ACT NOW - Share this post, something else you’ve read today or even write something yourself. Do something, no matter how small and then tell people you did it - share your act of green. Take a naked selfie of yourself in the garden and hashtag the shit out of it for all I care. Just do something to help get people talking about climate change.

If you want to find even more easy ways you can help to save the planet, check out the UN’s new ActNow chatbot here, or take the WWF’s 30 Day Challenge here. Like this post, they’re designed to give you the power and knowledge to take personal action against climate change.

And finally, I’ll leave you with some words from the great man himself, Dave.

“Right now we are facing a manmade disaster of global scale, our greatest threat in thousands of years: climate change. If we don’t take action, the collapse of our civilisations and the extinction of much of the natural world is on the horizon.”

So what are you waiting for? Go un-fuck the planet. Now!

[axvoter]

Victoria goes to the polls

It’s the morning of the state election, and if you are still tossing up your options, hopefully the index to my party reviews will provide useful guidance and sufficient encouragement to vote below the line.

If you feel a little unenthused about your options, I do not blame you. Depending on the precise nature of your political inclinations and interests, I think the Greens, Socialists, Reason, and ALP all represent adequate choices. But I feel that both the Greens and ALP have acted contrary to their stated aims and goals lately, and knowing that the ALP (especially anti-Green members of the ALP Right) would dig dirt, the Greens clearly could have vetted their candidates better. I’ve suggested in my reviews that Reason have admirable qualities—they contributed to a number of positive reforms in the past term—and some less desirable corporate and libertarian leanings. And the Socialists, well, I’m in sympathy with much of their ideology but you will forgive me if I am hesitant because organised socialism in Australia has been a notoriously fractious joke for too long.

If you are passionate about assisted dying, then the Voluntary Euthanasia Party might be worth your preferences too; likewise, the Animal Justice Party if animal rights and veganism loom large in your decisionmaking. I have made no secret, however, that single-issue parties are of limited interest to me. Even when they address an issue I hold dear, I favour parties with fully rounded platforms; parliaments deal with quite diverse business.

What stands out to me more are the parties I dislike, and some of the sneaky and misleading names they use to try to hook in the gullible or inattentive voter. Health Australia pursue anti-vax and Big Pharma conspiracies. Transport Matters is an anti-Uber taxi lobby front. Sustainable Australia is anti-immigrant NIMBYism. The Australian Liberty Alliance is xenophobic and certainly does not offer liberty to Muslims or other people just a little too different for that white-bread comfort. The Democratic Labour Party is less labour and more very conservative Catholicism. The Liberal Democrats promote vacuous right-libertarian garbage.

At least some are more honest. The Shooters’ very name should clue you into the fact they would dismantle the bipartisan success story that is Australia’s gun control policies. The Australian Country Party is rather obviously a party of rural conservatives. Vote 1 Local Jobs and you get protectionism.

If I were to give out prizes:

Worst on field: Australian Liberty Alliance

Most deceptive name: Transport Matters

Mark Latham Award for Shit Politics: Aussie Battler Party, for changing their platform three times in a week! Not even Latho could contort that quickly.

Anyway, go vote and enjoy your democracy sausages. Remember, vote below the line!