#ry sims

[ryttu3k-sims]

~rawr~

A lapis lazuli dragon for @gloomiegalaxie's Femboy Friday! Largely inspired by @xandezsims' funky crystal spike set and @strangegrapefruit's lovely horns. CC beneath the cut.

cc used: @dangerouslyfreejellyfish (eyeshadow) | @feralpoodles (face crystals) | @gigglecoffin / rottenmothboy (contacts) | @helgatisha (cas background) | @j3lly-fish (skin overlay)

@lady-moriel (tail) | @nell-le (tights) | @noodlescc (skin colour) | @oydis (hair) | @pralinesims (nose ring)

@pyxiidis (lipgloss, scales) | @rebouks (cas lighting) | @redearcat (gloves) | @regina-raven (corset, leg band) | s4simomo (rings) | @saruin (skin, body preset, teeth, collar)

strangegrapefruit (horns) | @tekri (ears) | @trillyke (boots) | @ts4eve (arm band) | @valhallansim (face paint) | xandezsims (spikes, nails)

[ryttu3k]

Brightly-coloured li'l alien lad. He wants to be your friend!

🌟⭐🌠

CC used: skin by @noodlescc | skin overlay by @saruin | skin markings by @pyxiidis | skin details by @thepeachyfaerie | skin redness by @imadako | hair by @falsogod | streaks by noodlescc | eyebrows by @maxiematch | eyelashes by Kijiko | antennae by @divadoom | eyeliner by hypsteria | cheek stickers by saruin | ears and earrings by @saruin | contacts by saruin | necklace by EA (HSY) | top by imadako | shorts by EA (base game) | undershirt by @deathpoke1qa | leggings by @opuwanoo | socks by @trillyke | sneakers by plasmafruit-tree (inactive, requires mesh by Madlen, TSR link here) | bag by Mydarling20 (TSR) | rings by saruin | nails by @kissyck

[cinamun]

Instant wood | Next

[astravires]

Hoard of bones and chest for stones We shall not stay awake through nights of darkness...

yet another CAS challenge - this time @j3lly-fish's one with the stars challenge

also, thank you for helping me with your CAS poses!

nosoi athan...spellcaster (necromancer)

11 - green 1 - odd number - unnatural colours 3 - red 12 - moles / 13 - scars 19 - your sim has connections to the dead / 5 - your sim is overly fond of jewels/jewelry

[lindyloosims]

I've been taking shots of Kirsty & Ryan today, this is before I even edit it, she's just really pretty (biased opinion I know but I rarely make good looking female sims). Is it possible for pregnant sims to glow? Because damn girl! 😍

[ryttu3k-sims]

48GB, of which 20.3GB is CAS, 20.4GB is Buy, 6.82GB is Build, and less than 1GB for Pets, Infants, Poses, and Mods. I thought I had a fair bit but clearly I need to step up my game!

(Game takes a few minutes to load, otherwise not too bad.)

ok reblog this with how big your mods folder is. I want to see who on simblr has the biggest mods folder.

i'll start, mine is 21.7 GB i am aware that's somewhat small for simblr :D

[cerexasims]

[lil-prince-who-did]

me vs making myself as a toddler/child in the sims

[freckliedan]

omgomg What hornyposting have they done - same anon :3c

check out my fuck energy tag for receipts on varying levels of overtly horny moments to things that ping for me but possibly not universally. but also, an in depth but not exhaustive list:

they have a bondage bar on their bed which dan has flippantly replied to a tweet about

sister daniel video

the april fools nude

dan probably agrees that phil is naturally ginger despite his hair color being an auburny brown at best due to pube color. sorry that i said it out loud rather than keeping it implied.

interactive introverts shock buzzers shown im witl were bought from an online sex store, dan told us on twitter

halloween pumpkin carving video has "so horny they're stupid" energy, dan's in a mesh shirt

this ii era liveshow in australia; the next video on the gaming channel was of the dumber ways to die mobile app.

ii era "getting that d vitamin" shirtless dan selfie ft clothes in the bushes behind him. photo taken on a brief break from touring when dnp + martyn and cornelia were spending a few days on vacation. "lapping up the d vitamin" comments about phil as well in a liveshow afterwards

phil's ii era side to side by ariana grande insta story

phil's mysterious white stain on his costume shirt insta story from the lead up to ii

"please be gentle with the handcuffs, i have sensitive skin" from witl/ii—sensitive skin is usually about like.. being sensitive to scented soaps and stuff. this is not an intuitive connection to make. it leads me to believe that's knowledge they have from experience

when the ii dvd was released, the bbc rated it whatever it rated it (can't remember) because of a couple engaging in erotic roleplay (amongst other reasons) which dan acknowledged on twitter and did not disagree with at all

dan's horny attitude about dentist visits

handcuffs and videogames sims moment

dan's kinky tumblr reblogs from the era when it was normal to rb softcore porn on here, including a fair amount of horny qbout blood posts

in that light: dan wrote and published the urge

phil bringing up mpreg as often as he does pings as horny for me; the hand falls into this category in a deeply bizzare manner imo

phil recognizing a delivery guy from gay emo porn

dan hogtied in christmas garland on their breakfast bar in manchester

dan's 2009 nakedbooths—nudes posted largely to flirt with phil. particularly the nakedbooth dan posted of himself in phil's bedroom where phil's holding lion in frame to censor dan's dick

phil's "milk" dailybooth

dan's "i WANT you to tie me up" dailybooth comment on phil holding up a belt

dan on formspring answering whether he swallows or spits

dan replying to someone in the comments of a phil vid pointing out hickies he had after dan visited him in 2009

uma thurman tweet

formspring answers about cherry & piña colada lube + cherry reference in the vday vid + sleuths online spotting specific lube in one of their suitcases at one point

phil used to post constant thirst traps before dan came into the picture have you SEEN ry @dnphobe's emo boy edit?? have you seen phil's check yes juliet and toxic vids????

thank you for coming to my ted talk, i know i'm missing loads.

[ryttu3k-sims]

☄️ prince of the stars 🪐

A fancy lad for @gloomiegalaxie's Femboy Friday, interstellar theme! Cute? Yes. Bratty? Absolutely.

CC beneath the cut!

cc used: @ashwwa (necklace) | azentase (rings) | @cazhan (eyeshadow) | cerberus (hair streaks) | @ellone-andreea (nails/claw) | @feralpoodles (hair) | gloomiegalaxie (earrings) | @helgatisha (cas bg)

@j3lly-fish (skin overlays) | @jius-sims (boots) | @noodlescc (hair streaks) | @nsves (eyeliner) | @occultradio (cas lighting)

@octetsica (skin colour) | @oydis (hair overlay) | @pralinesims (headband, navel piercing) | @pyxiidis (lipgloss) | @regina-raven (belt)

@saruin (eyes, skin, teeth) | @ssspringroll (ears, skin overlays) | @strangegrapefruit (arm bands/bracelets) | @strangestorytellersims (pants) | @trillyke (gloves)

@ts4eve (top) | @unidentifiedsim (blush) | @vapidsims (antennae) | @woefulalien (skin overlays)

[ryttu3k]

"Who's that Pokemon?"

"It's Meganium!"

[hannie-dul-set]

HOME FOR THE BITCHLESS [6].

SYNOPSIS. wherein your friend offers a room for you to crash in while your dorm is being renovated, but fails to mention that your new housemates don’t know how to talk to women (oh, and they also have an ongoing bet about you, too).

PAIRINGS. choi soobin, choi beomgyu, lee heeseung, park jongseong, sim jaeyun, park sunghoon x female! reader. GENRE. housemates! au, rom-com, sitcom, reverse harem time baby. WARNINGS. almost drowning, a nauseating amount of stupidity, swearing, sex jokes, bribery, the boys are shirtless for most of the chapter. WORD COUNT. 5.2k.

TAGLIST. @cerealdreamwriter @tyongff-ff @dinonuguaegi @certifiedmoa @blueberrgyuu0 @primantha @blu3bell4 @nunugget @hoshi-is-ult-bbg @captivq @tocupid @seosalad @ddazed-lhs @gyuszie @mifuyuyo @error-cant-function @twocupsofsuga @flowerbe0m @dangerousconnoisseurbanana @laviesm @keikeu @elavin @chaemmie @rikisly @satsuri3su @gyugyubin @junhuicosmo @skzenhalove @luvkpopp @yansbolobao @emer-syn @eggomi @drunkinjake @soobiverse @deobitifull @haechanspudu @yawnzzn27 @7myoi @toothfa-1-ry @imsiriuslyreal @maimoirs @whippedforbeomgyu

NOTE. this is my favorite chapter so far i think i peaked here. the ppt scene was inspired by anthpo, my professors' tendency to use the socratic method to instill trauma in their students, and hoshi from seventeen's tiger agenda. also, most of this was written before i found out odi has passed 😔 fly high little guy.

MASTERLIST | NEXT >

CHAPTER 6 — the obligatory pool episode.

THERE’S A HEATWAVE IN TOWN. When you wake up, it feels like you got transported into Satan’s rectum. It’s sweaty and disgusting under your covers, and kicking them off does nothing to appease the hellish humidity inside your room. But when you roll over to grab the remote for the air conditioning, blindly press on the button, nothing happens.

You try again.

It’s not working.

You jolt up from your bed, hair a mess, and armpits too sweaty for comfort. A power outage. Of course, there’d be no power on the hottest day of the year.

“Fucking shit, I’m so hot,” you announce as you make your arrival downstairs. It’s only Sunghoon and Jay in the living room. They turn away from their game of jenga upon your arrival.

“Yeah, you’re super hot,” says Jay. “I mean, damn global warming sure sucks, huh?”

The wooden tower collapses. You stifle out a grunt of agreement. “Apparently some feeders in the neighborhood broke down,” Sunghoon informs you. “They’re still fixing it. The generator also wasn’t working when Heeseung hyung went down the basement to turn it on. I think we need to get that fixed too.”

Well, shit. That’s not good news. You give Sunghoon a pat on the head for speaking thirty-six words to you today before walking over to the kitchen. Last time you checked, there was a stash of popsicles in there. You’re pretty sure they haven’t been completely water-fied by the blackout yet.

For some reason, upon nearing the kitchen island, the fridge door is hanging open. You understand why when you step on something— er, someone— on the way towards your frozen delight. “Ow!” Beomgyu hisses from the floor. There’s remnants of cold wind filtering out from the refrigerator. Beomgyu has claimed it as his territory, and he’s glaring up at you from his spot. “Watch where you’re going.”

“‘Scuse me.”

You walk over him, hiking one leg across his torso before infringing upon his fridge monopoly to grab a half-melted melon bar. This isn’t exactly how Beomgyu imagined how it’d be like to be in between your legs. “I’m not sure if you’re dense or if you just don’t give a fuck,” he says, propping himself up by the elbows as you dig through a plastic bag.

“I really just don’t don’t give a fuck.” You snap a bite out of the pale green popsicle. “Want one?”

“Give.”

“Go get one yourself.”

“Fuck you.”

“I’m sure you’d love to.” You close the fridge door shut and make sure to kick his side with your foot when you cross over him again. He lets out a cry of pain. You turn back, satisfied with your cold exploits, but there is no wall separating the living room and the kitchen, so Sunghoon and Jay were witnesses to that entire conversation. “Do you also want a bite?” you ask. Their ears burn a couple degrees brighter before declining.

Was that an intentional insinuation? Yes. Do you enjoy destroying their composure on purpose? Also yes. It’s a new hobby you picked up since staying here, and it’s definitely one you’ll miss once your dorms get fixed and you’d have to move out. Jay and Jake are both particularly difficult to get through, but sometimes you can manage to fluster the former, just like now. Jake has been impossible so far. You’ll get him one day. He can’t be left unscathed.

This may seem terrible, and sometimes you do get a teensy bit conscientious when one of them starts crying or becomes temporarily incapacitated— until you remember they have this whole secret bet going on that definitely involves you, so you should be allowed to fuck around this much, right?

“Hey! Why don’t we have a pool party?”

The genius idea comes from Jake. You immediately run up back to your room upon hearing the suggestion to change into a bathing suit, pausing right before your door because you don’t want anyone waving the PD&J at your face for indecent attire again. So you throw on a beach kimono for the safety of your wallet. They emptied the jar out yesterday to buy some meat for a barbecue party that’s supposed to be scheduled this weekend, but looks like you’re gonna be having that sweet, sweet pork belly tonight right by the chlorine scent of the pool. 

You hurry downstairs, so fucking ready to be submerged in cool, refreshing water. But when you get to the courtyard— all the boys already loitering in and around the pool— you realize something. 

Something a little dangerous.

“You’re finally here!”

Oh no. They’re hot.

“We’re playing chicken fight, come jo—”

A rather scantily clad Sunghoon pushes an equally scantily clad Jake off Soobin’s unclothed shoulders and into the splash of the water. They are all bare-skinned, glistening wet, and although it’s not a bad sight to behold at all, it’s a discovery that you wish had remained undiscovered until you finally leave this damned house.

Listen. It’s not like you’ve never seen any of them shirtless or almost naked before. Jay was literally in his highlighter underwear when you first met him. But you were never put in a situation where you’re able to look at them closely because all those times have been meshed with something stupid.

It’s very easy to overlook their general attractiveness when they all act like third-graders, bitchless losers, scandalized Victorian men, or all of the above at the same time, in the same sequence. It’s really easy to forget that.

But Heeseung has his soaked tank top sticking to his skin and Beomgyu is pushing his wet hair back with a wide grin. Your housemates might actually be a tad bit more attractive than your prolonged, initial impression of them. This can cause a little internal trouble.

“Why aren’t you getting in the water?”

Soobin is the one that’s asking, having already left the water fight in the middle and is now looking up at you, chest deep near the pool’s edge. You look down. You’re not sure if he’s looking directly at you because you’re a little focused on his toned arms resting above the ledge, but if he is, then good on him for keeping up with his eye-contact practice hours.

“Hey,” you call out, crouching down and hugging your knees. “Do you work out?”

Silence. Pink scatters across Soobin’s cheeks. He coughs out an unintelligible response and disappears back under the water, quietly swimming away. Yes. This is how it should be.

Feeling a lot more at ease after confirming you still have the upper hand, you finally dip your legs into the pool and stretch out your back with a satisfied groan. Fuck, this is perfect. You’re honestly unsure how you’re supposed to transition back into life at the dorms when this house has a perfectly refreshing pool at your disposal. You don’t remember what life was like before this. You’d live here for the rest of your life if you could. But you have enough pride in your system to prevent you from extending your verbal contract with Jake. Two months. It’s a few days past the halfway point now. All you could do is enjoy this life of comfort as much as you can.

Until it gets ripped away from you in the form of Jake yanking your ankle and dragging you under the water with a horrifying splash. 

Before you know it, you’re gasping for air and grabbing the nearest thing your arms could reach out for so you don’t fucking drown— but when you finally manage to rise back to the surface, a loud inhale of air into your lungs, the person you managed to hold onto just happens to be Heeseung.

Heeseung, who’s looking down at you with wide, alarmed eyes while you’re wrapped around his waist. Heeseung, who shoves you back into the water out of panic and shock and whatever the fuck his problem is.

Jake rushes to pull you back up. Heeseung is dead to you.

“I’m sorry.”

He failed to kill you so he’s now down on his knees, timid palms on his lap, and head lowered in guilt.

“I am very sorry,” Heeseung repeats. “I am deeply reflecting on my actions.”

You’re sitting on the half log shaped chairs on the courtyard, still wet, arms and legs both crossed in petulance as Sunghoon quietly dries your hair with a towel from behind (no, you didn’t scare him into doing this). 

“Stand up.” He flinches at the tone of your voice. “Go get yourself dried up so we can finally start the barbecue.”

He’s awfully obedient. You watch as his slumped figure trudges back into the house. “Was that too much?” The back of your head hits Sunghoon’s bare stomach when you try to look at him. He’s holding your head in his hands with the damp towel in between.

“You’re always a little much,” he mumbles.

“Is that a bad or good thing?”

Sunghoon ponders for a moment, staring at your upside down face. “More is always better than less?”

You smile, snatching the towel from his hands and jumping off from your seat. “Good answer.” Two gentle pats of praise on his cheek set his skin on fire. Speaking of fire, you can already smell the scent of smoke and deliciously cooking meat wafting in the air, so you run over to Jay who’s on grilling duty, hoping to get an early bite.

“Can you pass me a plate?” he asks, flipping the cut up pieces of meat on the barbecue grill. “Thanks.”

“Gimme one.” You open your mouth, chasing after the slice of pork belly on his tongs until he brings it closer to your mouth for you to bite. “Holy shit,” you muffle out, hot air escaping from your lips.

“Good?” he asks.

“Very good.” You swallow the piece. “One more?”

He lets you snack on a bunch of well-done beef before they could reach the plate and at some point he mentions, as you’re tearing open a few packs of ramyeon to cook, that you look a lot like the curled up pieces of shrimp he’s currently grilling. You narrow your eyes at him, hand dangerously hovering above boiling water with a square of raw noodles. “Are you trying to say I look charred and have a terrible posture?”

“No.” Jay raises a piece of shrimp in the air, showing it off to you. “Doesn’t it look cute?”

Now that you’re looking at it a little closer, it does look kind of cute. Huh. “Would you eat me if I was a grilled shrimp?”

Jay thinks about it. He keeps thinking until you start smelling something burning. “I’d keep you safe in my pantry,” he finally answers. 

“So you’ll just let me spoil over and die?”

His expression drops. “Fuck.” The shrimp is unsalvageable. “I guess I’d have to eat you.”

The rest of dinner goes on as you expect. Jay and Beomgyu take turns over the grill until Jake thought he’d be naturally gifted over the fire and ended up making charcoal with the last pack of galbi (“It’s fine!” he said. “I’ll take care of it!”) and today’s heatwave suddenly becomes a whole lot hotter with the rising flame on the fucking grill right when Soobin brings out the marshmallows for dessert. It gets quickly defused by a fire-hydrant bearing Heeseung. Now your charcoal galbi has toxic frosting on them. This is the sign to move on to the next part of the program.

The set of log-themed chairs on the courtyard has a bonfire set-up at the center. Of course this unreasonably nice house has that. It’s already getting dark, ink seeping into the orange tintent sky. Jake decides to redeem himself after watching Heeseung fail to set up the chunks of wood for the nth time. “You don’t know how to start a fire? Dude, that’s so lame.” 

“You burnt all our remaining meat with those fire starting skills of yours,” Heeseung huffs, stepping aside for the self-proclaimed camping expert.

“You still ate them.” You’re pretty sure that isn’t healthy.

“Because you would’ve felt sad if I didn’t.”

“You’re both equally lame,” Beomgyu chides, plopping down beside you with a bag of chips that you unceremoniously dig your hand into. “You two haven’t even had your solo chapters yet.”

A flame erupts on the bonfire. Both of them turn to look at Beomgyu. “What?”

“What are we arguing about?” Jay joins in, looking a little too excited for the squabble.

“About the fact that I’m cooler than both Heeseung and Jake.”

Heeseung’s expression falls flat. “You dropped out to become a streamer.”

“Leave of absence! I took a leave of absence and I’m coming back next year!”

Sunghoon and Soobin are both just ignoring the mess, roasting their skewered marshmallows on the bonfire and you aspire to be that level of unbothered. “Let’s consult a professional’s opinion,” Jay suggests, and all their eyes immediately fall on you. “Who do you think is the coolest?” Apparently that professional is you.

“This is like asking which dwarf is the tallest midget,” you wrinkle your nose. “But alright. Why don’t we settle this like real men?”

“Arm wrestling?” Sunghoon jumps in.

“Cooking contest?” Heeseung pitches.

“Do you want us to beat the shit out of each other right now?” Jake’s eyes fly wide open, alarmed. “I don’t think that’s a healthy way of settling arguments.”

“The fuck? No,” you spit out. “Thirty minutes. Prepare a powerpoint presentation explaining why you’re the coolest loser. Convince me. Ten slides max. Good luck.”

Something about almost naked men scattered around your home premises, aggressively typing on their keyboards with so much concentration and determination is so funny. You’re enjoying the raw bag of marshmallows by yourself beside the fire, watching as Heeseung starts panicking when you yell out “Five minutes left!” and starts typing even more aggressively. It’s pretty entertaining. Why haven’t you done this before?

At some point Jake brings out a projector and a projector screen to the courtyard. Seems like the power is back on, and your classroom of death has been set in place.

“Okay. Who wants to go first?”

You’ve produced a clipboard while they were working very hard on the PPTs earlier, legs crossed, fire crackling in front of you, and you click the butt of your pen in intermittent seconds as you scroll your eyes from left to right across the six boys standing in front of you. Heeseung looks confident. Jay and Beomgyu, too. There’s sweat dripping down Sunghoon’s forehead and Jake is furiously flipping through his notepad like he’s cramming for a final exam. But the poor, unfortunate soul that just had to look away from your gaze is none other than—

“Choi Soobin.” He flinches, nearly letting go of the laptop he has clutched against his chest. “Give it a go. The rest of you sit down.”

He looks rattled. “I’m not— I’m not really good at presentations,” Soobin chokes out, and the rest disappear from his side.

You let your chin rest on your knuckles, leaning forward. “Are you forfeiting? Is this a forfeit I’m hearing?” He doesn’t respond. You sigh. “Choi Soobin, are you settling with a D? A tiny, miniscule, measly D?” Beomgyu lets out a snort. You shoot him a sharp stare. “The other Choi, please shut the fuck up unless you want me docking points from you. Choi number one, please start your presentation.

Beomgyu straightens in his seat and Soobin hesitantly clears his throat, turning towards the blank, white projector screen as he holds the clicker with a visibly shaky hand. “Good— good evening,” he starts. “My name is Choi Soobin, and today I was tasked to explain why I am the coolest housemate out of the six. The answer is I am not. I’m not very cool. But—”

When he clicks to the next slide, your clipboard clatters on the ground.

“But I do have a hedgehog, and that’s kinda cool?”

“Holy shit,” you exhale a breathy squeak, the picture of the rodent’s cute little snout occupying half of the large screen. Soobin cycles through a bunch of photos of his hedgehog and the various screams of delight you’re eliciting after each photo makes him smile a little bit more. “Look at that little guy! Oh my god. What’s his name? Where is he? Can I meet him? Please let me meet him, Soobin I am begging you, I will get on my knees for you.”

“His name is Odi and he’s currently living at my parents’ house,” he explains. “I’ll invite you sometime.”

“That’s cheating! This isn’t part of the guidelines!” Jake interrupts, pointing an accusatory finger at the photo of Soobin holding Odi in his hands. Your coos are unceasing.

Heeseung nods along. “Professor, I believe this is completely unrelated to our topic at hand.”

Soobin looks visibly offended. You straighten your expression and click your tongue. “Ahem,” you start. “As much as I believe that Odi is the darn cutest little shit to ever exist and I will die for him given the chance, Heeseung is right. Mr. Choi, I’m afraid I’d have to give you a C.”

He presses the clicker. The slide is back to the video of Odi running down a slide.

“Okay. B minus.”

Now it’s the one where he’s laying stomach-up on the floor.

“Fuck. God dammit. B plus and that’s it. Soobin, sit down. Heeseung, you’re up next.”

Soobin seems satisfied with the grade, dimples popping out with a smile as he takes Heeseung’s seat in the audience when the latter readies himself for his turn. He stifles out a cough-laugh, one corner of his mouth crookedly twitching upward, confidently sauntering up to the front with his iPad, and it’s mildly unsettling because he’s usually Nervous Boy #2. But it’s almost cheating how pretty his teeth are when he’s smiling. 

And apparently he’s aware of that fact. Because after projecting his title slide (LEE HEESEUNG 101: the anatomy of a Cool Guy™), the next thing that appears is actually a photo of his very charming smile, coupled with Chip Skylark’s “My Shiny Teeth and Me” as the background music for his scientifically-grounded explanation. The next slide is a zoom in of his eyes next to a photo of Bambi. He has a venn diagram. This is actually pretty compelling.

Heeseung is a good speaker. He’s really good. The rest of his presentation goes smoothly, finishing it up with a list of references in APA format. Jake and Jay give him a round of applause.  “If you have any questions, I’ll be more than happy to answer them,” he smiles.

“That was a fantastic presentation, Mr. Lee. I particularly liked the part when you demonstrated your ability to make very impressive, but also very alarming sounds with your fingers.” You flip through your very blank clipboard, nodding and throwing out hums at the times you deem appropriate. “I’d give you an A plus, but...I have one question for you.”

He nods. “Yes?”

“Heeseung, can you hug me?”

It evidently catches him off-guard, just as you predicted— persona of confidence crashing down like a waterfall as he stutters out, “Wh—what?”

You clear your throat. “Only cool people are able to hug me. I need to confirm that you’re cool.”

“I can hug you!” Jake declares right next to you.

You blindly reach out your arm to give him a head pat. “See. Jake says he can hug me so he must be pretty cool. Heeseung, you can do the same, can’t you?

There it is. He’s back to being nervous and you feel like your job here is done. “O–of course,” he stifles out, following it with a strained laugh of weak incredulity. “Why wouldn’t I be able to hug you?”

“Then prove it.” You stretch out your arms, ready to squeeze and be squeezed. “Give me a big ‘ol squeeze, pretty boy.”

You stay like that for ten seconds as Heeseung remains glued to his spot in front, eyes shaking and nipping at the dead skin on his lips. You let your arms fall back to your sides. “Okay. C minus. Next.” His expression quickly transforms into offense.

“I feel like this grading system is a scam.”

“No hug, no opinion. Sit your ass down,” you click your tongue, smacking him with the clipboard when he weakly trudges back and squeezes next to Beomgyu on the crowded seat to your left with the box of snacks occupying most of the fake log, even though there’s clearly enough space next to you because Jay already started walking to the front even without your instruction.

Jay does not give an introduction, only a rough clear of his throat and he opens his presentation with just a slide occupied with his face. Slide two is another picture of his face, only slightly zoomed out. The next one has the hashtag JWU. Then there’s a full body mirror selfie.

The rest of the presentation proceeds in the same manner— a wordless slideshow of what is possibly his Instagram feed and before you know it, it’s already over. “Okay,” you exhale, pressing your palms together in front of your lips. “I understand that you are indeed a very handsome individual, Mr. Park, but what does that have to do with the assigned topic?”

“The question is why I am the coolest one here,” he says. “I’m cool because I’m Jay Park.”

It falls quiet.

You finally break the silence.

“Shit, that’s a pretty compelling argument.”

“This is bullshit!” Sunghoon argues. “He didn’t even say anything! There was no discussion! He should be disqualified.”

Jay remains unfazed. He defends with irrefutable wisdom, “Sometimes pictures speak louder than words.”

“Damn.” You let your clipboard fall to your lap. “I’m giving you an A.”

“Fuck yeah.”

Your decision elicits outrage from some of your students. “How is he getting a higher grade than me?!” one of them raises.

“He’s getting a higher grade because he doesn’t think I have cooties, Heeseung.” 

Heeseung throws his arms in the air in defeated frustration as Jay takes his snug seat right next to you again, a victorious smile gracing his face. You run your eyes through your scratch paper once more, pen tapping at the edge of the board. “Beomgyu, do you want to go next?” you ask, which is a mistake on your part because he starts acting just as obnoxious as Heeseung, which— if anything— just triggers your desire to make him crumble to his knees.

He even pulls out a lecture stick, testing it out by snapping it at full length on his palm. Is the fucker trying to go after your role as professor? Where the fuck did his glasses suddenly come from?

“Alright,” Beomgyu begins, the first slide displaying the words Why Choi Beomgyu is the coolest Housemate. “First thing’s first, does anyone in the audience know what my name is?”

“Oh, me!” Jake raises his hand. “Choi Beomgyu!”

“Correct!” The next slide appears when he hits the screen with the stick, revealing his name in a large, bold font with large spaces in between each syllable. “Choi. Beom. Gyu. Choi Beomgyu. Now, I’d like to direct your attention to this specific syllable right here—” he draws a circle around ‘Beom,’ “—what does Beom mean?”

“Offense,” Sunghoon answers. Beomgyu’s face scrunches up.

“What? Fuck, no. Another meaning— oh! Yes, Soobin hyung?”

“Tiger?”

His eyes brighten. “Exactly!” 

The next slide is a photo of a tiger on a field of green grass, grooming its fur as Beomgyu passionately rattles on with fun facts about the animal. You have no idea where this is going. “Tigers are some of the most amazing creatures on the planet, they are the largest members of the cat family and are renowned for their power and strength. As the largest member of the cat family, Tigers are strong, powerful and one of nature's most feared predators—”

“Did you get that from a website?” Jay interrupts.

Beomgyu dismisses him. “Yes, I did, but that’s not the point. The point is—”

Next slide. A hit from his lecture stick. It’s more text. Beom = Tiger. Beom = Choi Beomgyu’s cute nickname. Tiger = Beomgyu. 

“We have discussed that tigers are the coolest animals in the world. My name has tiger in it. Therefore I am the coolest person here. End of presentation. Thank you.”

He drops the stick to the ground and is about to walk away with Jake’s applause, but your penetrating stare stops him right before he reaches the crackling bonfire. You scribble on the clipboard before letting it settle face-down on your lap. You look up at him. “Beomgyu, are you a furry?”

Beomgyu freezes. He lets your question settle in his system before voicing out a very loud, very crunchy, “What the fuck?”

“Is this your way of telling us that you’re a furry?” 

“No! What are you talking about?” he hisses. “I’m just saying that since tigers are cool, that means I’m also cool and—”

“So, you’re identifying with a tiger?” you cut him off.

He presses his lips together, cautious. “Yes…”

“Because you have the word tiger in your name?”

“Yes.”

“And because they’re cool?”

“Yes. We’ve established that alr—”

“Okay, so you’re a furry?”

“Ye— no!” he yells out. “I’m not a fucking furry!”

“Understood. You’re a furry in denial.” You write something down on the clipboard. Beomgyu’s shoulders slacken in defeat. “I’m giving you a B plus. Take a seat, Tigerboy.” Though he grumbles in distaste, he listens to you anyway, trudging deflatedly back to his seat next to the equally grumbly Heeseung.

There are two people left to be victimized. Jake looks excited, so you don’t want to indulge his positive emotions. “Sunghoon,” you call out with a pleasant smile. He squeezes his eyes shut and mutters something under his breath before forcing himself up the log without you having to tell him. “Good boy. Go set up your thing.”

Unlike the rest, Sunghoon doesn’t have a laptop or phone or flash drive with him when he awkwardly takes the presenter spot in front. He’s standing on the balls of his feet, arms tucked behind his back and lips tightly pressed together nervously. “Mr Park,” you pull down your clipboard. “You’re free to project your slides.”

“Well,” he coughs out. “The thing is.”

“Yes?”

He exhales loudly. “I don’t have any slides.” You raise a brow. “I don’t know how to use powerpoint.”

You look at him. “I see.”

“I don’t know how to use this projector, either.”

You pause.

“Okay. I understand.” He breathes out a sigh of relief. “Alright, next present—”

“Wait!” Sunghoon stops you. “I can still give my presentation, I don’t need any dumb slides! I’m just as cool, if not cooler than the rest of them, so you can’t just skip over me.”

“Mr. Park,” you start. “Unfortunately, one of the criteria for this presentation is the quality and organization of your slides. I do not see any slides being presented, Mr. Park. You may present next time once you’re fully prepared.”

“What about Jay?” he tries to reason. “He just showed you a preview of his camera roll!”

The man in question has his mouth hanging open, pausing in the middle of stuffing a nicely toasted marshmallow into his mouth. You let out a sigh. “He had philosophy, Mr. Park. Philosophy,” you explain. “Do you have philosophy? Are you confident that you can convince me with your words alone? Without the help of cute animals and pictures of your pretty face?”

At the mention of his face, his knitted brows of frustration quickly melt into faint pink hues dusting his cheeks. You sniffle a little, rubbing a finger under your nose as you flip through the next page of the clipboard that’s resting on your lap. “Meet me in my office after class,” you tell him. Sunghoon grunts and stomps back to his seat in defeat.

“This sucks balls.”

“You have quite a few options to pick and choose from here,” you hum. “Jake, you’re the last one up. Please tell me you have a presentation prepared.”

“I do, and it’s gonna blow your mind,” he grins.

“Looking forward to it.” You watch blankly as Jake runs up to the front to connect his laptop to the projector, an excited bounce in his every movement and you start wondering how you can shatter this one’s hopes and dreams.

He asks if he can start. You give him a nod. At the click of a button, something boomerangs into the blank screen with 2007 Windows graphics and animation. The atrocious mismatch of fonts say Jake Sim is the coolest one here and here’s why.

“Reason number one—” Jake starts his presentation, turning over to the next slide and your vision is attacked with more outdated graphics, more jarring transitions and animations. “—I’m super funny. Allow me to demonstrate.” He begins by clearing his throat. “What did the Italian chef get sent to jail for?”

“What?” you go along.

“Too much assault.”

An assault is also a very proper descriptor for his PPT aesthetic. An assault to your eyes. It’s like watching a car crash that you can’t look away from even if you try. Reason number two is that he has a great smile (he does). Reason number three is because he has a dog (he also does). Reason number four doesn’t exist because he miscounted and skipped over to Reason number five.

“And lastly, Reason number ten—”

He takes something out of his pockets. It’s a couple dozen bills being thrown into the air.

“I have a lot of money.”

The rest of the boys are quiet. Jake grows quiet too, chest rising and falling after that very enthusiastic presentation and his wide grin slowly melts into that muddled with nervousness and unease because you aren’t saying anything yet— just looking at him with stern eyes and a sharp gaze. “W-well?” he rasps. “How did I do…?”

“How much?” you ask. He cocks his head in confusion. “How much money do you have?”

“Oh.” Jake blinks, now understanding. “I don’t know but it’s a lot.”

Your eyes sparkle, posture straightening. “Will you give me some of that money?” The unease has left Jake and has now transferred to the other five boys around you. Oh boy. Oh no, their eyes all seem to be saying.

“Sure, why not.”

You clap your hands together. “Jake wins. Class dismissed. Good night.”

It doesn’t take long for chaos to break out.

Heeseung and Jay are demanding for a recount (there is nothing to count except the sweet, sweet cash you’ll be receiving) and Beomgyu accuses you of being a slave to capitalism (that should’ve been evident from how you tried to scam money out of them with nudity and a jar on your first week here). Soobin starts clearing up the projector set-up and Sunghoon is on his knees begging for another chance to do his presentation as you watch the digits on your phone screen bump up in real-time when Jake wires you a decent chunk from his bank account.

Another successful day at the residence. This heatwave is better than you thought.

HOME FOR THE BITCHLESS. © hannie-dul-set, 2023.

[pinkiemme]

We’re looking for writers for a project we’re slowly working on!

"The Cyare Cocktail", a clone dating sim with the options to romance the following clones Hunter, Rex, Fox, Cody, and Wolffe and having platonic interactions with Fives & Echo, Boost & Sinker, Waxer & Boil, Wrecker & Tech & Crosshair, and Jek and Rys is looking for one or two more writers to join the team!

If you’re interested you can fill out this form!

Thank you! 💕🍸🍹

[saintbleeding]

[ID: Various digital drawings of Jonathan Sims from TMA, all set during season four. He is a tall, thin British-Indian man with receding and unruly curly grey hair. It Is long and usually tied back half-up, half-down. His skin is covered in a variety of scars, some fresher than others, and he wears rectangular glasses. In the first drawing, he is staring with focus down at the cigarette he is lighting. In the second, he is shown in profile, wearing a noticeably oversized mustard-coloured jumper, the neck of which he holds to his mouth and nose, with a tear visible in his eye. In the third and fourth drawings, his eyes glow red as he looks down with a sardonic smile, then at the viewer with a grave expression. Beside these there is a transcript excerpt that says “ARCHIVIST: (flatly) Or perhaps you could answer some questions.” In the last, he is shown sitting against an unseen wall, seemingly asleep, with his glasses tucked into the front of his shirt, and his head propped against his hand. Amongst the drawings are a cassette tape that has the note “recording by Martin Blackwood” and little hearts surrounding it; a lit zippo lighter with a spiderweb design; a clean and disembodied human rib; and a smartphone with a cracked screen. Above the phone are a series of texts sent seemingly from Jon to Martin: “do you hat e me pleas be honest”/”iM only yipts i PORMISE MAETIN”/”i;m sor ry for inconvcebie d.Ng you :’(” Then, there is a timestamp for “today, 9:34am”, followed by more messages: “Sorry. I want to reiterate that I’m still very worried; I don’t trust that you’re safe.”/”Let me know if I can help you.” The last message is a single heart emoji, but it is showing as not delivered. End ID.]

two of them

idk what to tell u. in s4 this man simply has a certain pathetic rizz. a wet dog je ne sais quoi.

[yawurstnightmare]

What’s your thoughts on all of the mercs?

I'll sum it up for ya:

Just kidding! Nah, dey're not dat easy to sim-pli-fy inta short answas.

Aw crap, dis is gonna be a lot a writing. Even my in-cre-di-ble writing skills will take a minute

Spy's kinda got two sides of him- Stuck up prick n' an actually helpful guy. Like, jus yesterday, he was sittin' dere judging my skillz or whateva while I was cookin', but he still helped me out a bunch afta I burnt da hell out of it.

Pyro is in-ti-mi-dat-in during our missions n' stuff, but dey're supa nice if ya not fighting him! And when dey don't think ya a spy. All da rest of da time it's always supa fun hangin' out with her! Just gotta be careful around fire. an' things dey can set on fire.

Engie's kinda too smart for his own good sometimes. i think it kinda makes him a bit crazy. an' more dan a bit scary. Its easy ta forget how he is, but sometimes he starts usin' a buncha words I can't beleive are in en-glish an' he gets a look in his eye, an' den he shows up with a robot hand. BUT, he's supa nice an ho-nest all da rest of da time!

I jus' talked about Solly da otha day, but basically, he flips between bein' as loud as his rockets an' the next he can be thinkin' some actually pretty smart stuff. Most a da time he's just bein' in-sane though. And yelling.

Sniper's kinda funny in a way. He spends a lotta time all by himself in one a his nests or in dat camper, but it's not like he only keeps ta himself. He's actually pretty funny! an' pretty pa-shent as well. Im also scared he's gonna stab me with dat huge knife sometimes. he's pretty in-tim-i-dat-ing when he wants ta be

Demo's drunk a lot, but dat's ba-si-ca-ly his normal, so it don't effect much. He's one hell of a partyer!! an him an' soldier like ta blow shit up, which is a lotta fun ta watch. He's pretty smart too, since I thinkhe makes a lotta his bombs. When he gets really drunk though, its just a bit of a pain ta deal with him

Heavy's supa smart too, an' real good at giving advice if ya ask him for it. He loves gettin' ta fight, an' he loves medic, an' he loves his fam-i-ly. mostly. He's freakin' DEADLY when he gets angry. Good ta leave if someone pisse dhim off.

Medic's supa smart, an' helpful, an' scary as hell. I think I i knew about all da x-per-i-ments he does in da in-firm-a-ry I wouldn't wanna live on base. Bein' round Heavy usually makes him a bit less scary though, since he's planning a buncha gross lovey stuff instead a how to x-per-i-ment on you best.

holy crap dat took foreva ta write. I'm so freakin glad dis "text-ta-speech" stuff is here ta help me write a bit fasta. IM DA FASTEST WRITER ANYWAYS, but it still helps

[changingplumbob]

Villareal: Chapter 6, Part 1

I missed this family! I hope you're ready for incoming toddlers.

For ease of reading if the toddlers are trying to say real words I'll put the English in brackets. Luna (mummy) and Devin (mama) use some German and Italian. Bambino/s (Italian) Male child/children Buongiorno (Italian) Good morning Caro (Italian) Dear Grazie (Italian) Thank you Piccolo (Italian) Little one Schnucki (German) Sweetie but doesn’t have an exact translation Zia/Zio (Italian) Aunt/Uncle

Up in the Pinnacles lies the home of Devin and Luna Villareal. Devin is an established actress taking on movie gigs alongside her role as tv regular on ZBB: Apocalypse rising. As much as she loves her job she enjoys spending time at home with her beloved wife Luna who is a university professor. The pair have young twins toddlers Alfred and Rilian. Living with them is Devin’s younger brother Joey, a tech head who’s main goal in life is to sleep with 30 sims. 7 down, 23 to go.

Devin: Buongiorno bambinos! Wakey wakey. Time to rise and shine my little stars

The twins blink awake slowly and sit themselves up.

Luna: Who needs some more potty training

The twins look at each other and back at their parents sadly.

Alfred: Mummy I use diaper

Rilian: Me to Mummy, in sleep

Devin: Oh dear, do we need changes

Rilian: No Mama, need food!

Devin and Luna are so pleased that their picky eater wants food that they decide to leave changes for now, they can give the boys baths after breakfast.

Rilian: Up Mama, up!

Devin: You want up? I thought you don’t like being carried

Rilian: *quietly* I like snuggle

Devin sighs happily as her piccolo throws his little arms around her and snuggles into her hair.

Alfred: Mummy carry me? Food

Luna: I can do that, but you’ll have to pay

Alfred: Pay?

Luna: Kiss attack!

Alfred laughs as Luna scoops him in her arms and kisses his cheek. Since Rilian woke in a good mood Devin decides to chance carrying him to the kitchen while Luna takes Alfred.

Devin: Grazie Rilian for letting Mama carry you

Rilian: I hung, much hung

Devin: Don’t worry, mama will get you breakfast. Are you okay with cereal?

Rilian nods enthusiastically and Devin grabs him a bowl while Luna brings in Alfred.

Devin: Hey slow pokes, we left you in the dust

Devin pulls a funny face at Alfred who bursts into giggles.

Alfred: We here Mama, we here. I can has cereal Mummy

Devin: Hold on, what do we say

Alfred: I can has cereal… please?

Luna: Perfect. Oh Rilian, have you almost finished your bowl?

Rilian: I was hung Mummy, very hung

Luna: Can you say hungry? Hmm. Hung-ry

Rilian: Hung… ree?

Rilian looks at Devin quizzically while Luna is sorting Alfred’s cereal.

Devin: Try again bambino, hungry. If you want food you are hung-ry

Rilian tries a few times to say the word while Alfred pats at his cereal.

Devin: Alfred, caro, you need to put the food in your mouth

Alfred: *singing* ce-real, ce-real, I like ce-real *whoops*

Rilian: *giggles* Mama Alfe make messy

Devin: *laughs* Yes I can see

Luna: *quietly* Tell them not to play with their food

Devin: But you- you know…

Luna: *guiltily* That’s why I can’t tell them off

Devin: *sighs* Rilian, Alfred, you can’t keep playing with your food

Rilian: I no play, I finish

Luna: Well done on eating schnucki

Rilian: Mama, Mummy, what we do today? Can I has bath?

Luna: *laughs* And they said kids hated baths

Devin: Can you do the baths Lu? I think we need to work on our please and thank you because some of us are forgetting

Alfred: Why

Devin: Because we want to grow up to be nice polite people

Rilian: Mummy do we have to

Luna: Yes. Like your Mama said, we need to learn manners. If you’re lucky maybe she’ll teach you the words in Italian when you get the hang of it

Alfred: Then we speak Iti!

Devin: Si piccolo mio

Luna: Who wants first bath

Rilian: ME! Me!

Luna: Hmm, what a shame. No one wants a bath

Rilian: Me Mummy! I do

Alfred: Please Ri...

Rilian: Oh. Me please Mummy

While Luna and Rilian head for the bath Joey comes into the kitchen.

Joey: Buongiorno Devin, Alfred

Alfred: Bon gee no (Buongiorno) Zio Joey

Devin: This seems early for you

Joey: Hey, I’ve already hung the washing out

Devin: We really need to hire a maid

Joey: Yes! A hot one

Devin: You going to be working on your video game?

Joey: Just until you need to head out, then I can hang with my best little buddies

Alfred: We get time with Zio Joey? Yay!

Devin: Yeah, while Mummy and Mama go out together

Devin: Okay caro, do you remember why we say please

Alfred: It… it nice word

Devin: It is a nice word, yes. But we say it to be nice to others

Alfred: Why

Devin: To be polite and friendly. We say it when we want or need something. Shall we practice?

Alfred jumps up and down excitedly nodding his head.

Devin: Let me just get in character…

Joey: This should be something

Devin: Shh please Mr-I'll-only-play-a-robot, I’m focusing

Alfred: Zio Joey let mama focus so we have fun

Devin: *in accent* Hello, I’m a merchant from a far off land with many things to buy. How can I help you today

Alfred: What for sale

Devin: I have many pretty... colourful... birds!

Alfred: *gasps* I want bird! Can I has bird… please?

Devin: Of course, we always save our best birds for our polite customers. What kind of bird would you like

Alfred: One that goes caw *imitates bird*. Caw bird please

Devin: Of course sir, I will give you our best noisy bird

Alfred: Yay!!! I got bird

Joey: *with a mouthful of breakfast* What do you say when you get it?

Alfred: Umm… tank Mama?

Devin: Th…Th…Th…

Alfred: Thank Mama! Thank!

Devin: Very good job. Remember we have to say thank YOU or thanks

Alfred: Thank you! For caw bird

Devin starts making bird noises and snuggles Alfred close, getting in a tickle or two. Alfred begins to laugh and also make bird noises.

Joey: Woah, who let the birds out? That’s some good acting piccolo

Alfred: Thank you Zio Joey, thanks

Devin: Well done caro, good memory

Meanwhile stubborn Rilian and his fragrant diaper walked to the bathroom where Luna was waiting patiently.

Rilian: I ready, I can walk self see Mummy

Luna: Okay, here we go. Time to take off that smelly diaper

Rilian giggles and wiggles out of it with Luna’s help. He’s still too small to get in the bath by himself so once Luna has checked the water temperature she helps him in. Rilian absolutely adores water, he’d have baths multiple times a day if he could. Luna does her best to get him scrubbed clean but the toddler is more focused on playing with the water.

Rilian: Water for Mummy!

Luna: Oh no, I’ve been hit! Going down

Rilian laughs and continues to play between sponge scrubs.

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