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utilitycaster · 11 months ago

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Hi there, I saw in one of your tags recently that "if you think the raven queen was being unfair, I'm not really interested in your opinions." I was wondering if you could talk a little more about that because I'll be honest, Vax isn't my favorite character but I've seen all of C1 and I really don't get why some people HATE the RQ, call her unfair, manipulative and pretty plainly say this moon conflict is mostly her fault because she took Vax and through a Domino effect Ludinus is releasing Predathos. Also, I enjoy your theories and analysis for CR so much you got me listening to Midst, so thank you.

Hi anon,

Great question! This is going to be a very long post, with a relatively short initial answer, because there is both the literal misinterpretation that indicates this is not someone with strong analytical skills nor knowledge of canon, and a number of potential mindsets that lead to this manner of thinking in the first place, none of which I respect. You happen to have sort of hit upon the foundational elements of my whole deal re: CR meta, so, buckle in.

The first part is simple: Vex died because Percy triggered a trap before she'd been healed up. We've seen this sort of trap elsewhere in non-divine contexts (Folding Halls of Halas); it's just a form of trap. A particularly nasty one, but this is for a very powerful relic she doesn't want falling into the wrong hands, and, moreover, the party could have likely disabled it either through rogue skills or magic had Percy waited. Vax, then, as the third part of the resurrection ritual, told the Raven Queen to take him instead of Vex. The Raven Queen did precisely as he asked. He did not need to offer this (Scanlan was going to make an offering, the other parts of the ritual had gone well, it was Vex's first death so the DC was low, and Vax could have made any number of other, less dramatic offers), and he did so with the understanding that he would die in lieu of Vex, right then and there. He did not. I think that's the only case, actually, where the Raven Queen was not 100% upfront with her intentions before Vax accepted something; but he offered it voluntarily. Vax was a person who formed extremely intense connections, to the point where it was perhaps unhealthy, and did not believe life without his sister was worth living, and was willing to sacrifice himself to a god.

Everything after that was extremely straightforward. Vax communed with the Raven Queen, who spoke very directly with him in his vision in the Raven's Crest. She was extremely clear when she met with him following his disintegration: he was given the option to refuse her offer, and he took it instead. It is not manipulative to give someone a difficult decision, and if a character you like makes a choice you don't like, it is not automatically the result of manipulation.

As for the moon conflict being her fault…that is, to put it bluntly, unhinged, and what's more, ironic given that that's the manipulative argument. Ludinus tried to commune with Ruidus using a random crystalline artifact beneath Molaesmyr, centuries before Vax was born. He was going to do this regardless. If he couldn't get Vax, he'd get some other sliver of divinity, and what's more, it's been all but stated that Vax is not actually supposed to be leaving the Shadowfell to protect Keyleth, and is disobeying the Raven Queen directly (and it's been stated that this isn't necessarily helpful for Keyleth, who is trying to grieve and move on). So: Vax made his choices with the knowledge of what they entailed, is trying to bend if not break the conditions to which he agreed with full knowledge in a way that probably isn't healthy for him or Keyleth, and it's bananas to be like "wow look at how the Raven Queen made Ludinus try to free Predathos." Like. Even if she had tricked Vax, which she didn't, Ludinus literally could have just kept on his racist imperialistic longevitymaxxing beat indefinitely and left the moon well enough alone. The domino meme is a meme. I mean, while we're at it, couldn't we trace it back to Vecna instead, for killing Vax with Disintegrate in the first place, since had he not done so, Vax would have either survived that fight or would have been resurrected normally? Or perhaps it's Percy for triggering that trap. Or the Chroma Conclave for being the reason why Vox Machina was seeking the Deathwalker's Ward in the first place…but that only happened because Allura and Kima didn't kill Thordak but rather sealed him, and because a priestess of Melora cursed Raishan so that she had reason to ally with Thordak. We can go on indefinitely; the point is, to assign blame specifically to the Raven Queen when Ludinus literally did not have to do a goddamn thing with the moon is a fucking stupid take.

Below the cut, I talk root causes behind why people might decide the Raven Queen was unfair and come up with the above nonsensical argument to support that, since I don't think people say stupid things just to be stupid.

I think one root cause for this mentality of this is that the person in question wishes Vax hadn't died and is looking for someone to blame because they don't want to blame Matt Mercer and Liam O'Brien, even though yeah, that's who to blame. The thing is, as we learned in Campaign 2, character death is quite literally on the table. Had Vax not made his bargain, either in episode 1x103 or his original one during Vex's resurrection? He might have simply remained dead. Had he not given his life for Vex's, he was pursuing paladin anyway with the Everlight, and we don't know what she'd have required of him. But more importantly, for all people like to bring up a PC-centric perspective (which, in Actual Play, is inevitable) Vox Machina's frequent use of resurrection spells was in fact a massive privilege most people in Exandria do not have. And, unsurprisingly for a table whose DM made up rules specifically to make resurrection more difficult, the Critical Role cast is open to a story where death exists. I do not think it's an accident that resurrection has been made even harder in the subsequent campaigns. I also happen to think that Campaign 1 is a far richer and better story with Vax's death, given the other events that occurred. Had Vax not been the sort of person who would offer his life for a god to take in exchange for his sister? Sure, he'd possibly have lived to the end. But he was, and that's the character those people who wish he were still alive loved. If he wasn't that person, they wouldn't have liked him in the same way.

D&D is fundamentally about exceptional characters becoming more powerful, and will be focused on those characters. I do not think D&D supports a story about characters who reject all power. They can give up political power (the Mighty Nein, for the most part, do this - certainly more so than Vox Machina, and Bells Hells is yet to be seen) but they will progress in levels, which is power. Even if unwanted, it is power, because most people in the world are commoners with 5 HP and 10 in all their stats. With that said, a lot of people desperately want a subversion of this power narrative. Vax is, I think, the closest we get. In D&D you are not going to get a player character who finishes a campaign and remains Just Some Guy. But you can have someone like Vax, who doesn't have any interest in power (compare to Vex, who very much is about power and who gets a much happier ending) who nonetheless ends up on the Tal'Dorei Council and the favored of a god…and yet, in the end, his equally powerful friends still can do nothing to save him. I think a Power Bad story is overly simplistic, but "there are limits to power, and ultimately none of us have complete control" is not. I think Vax's death gives the story of Vox Machina a finality and heft that it would lack otherwise.

A second possible cause is the "What if the gods are BAD" argument. I'm going to be totally honest: I did not see this in the fandom until Campaign 3, and honestly, not until EXU Calamity in any widespread sense, which does lead me to believe that most people did not come up with it as a reasonable idea on their own until characters started saying it, because it is so plainly in conflict with the themes of Campaigns 1 and 2 that to make this argument would be obvious projection. Do I think a nuanced view of the gods as flawed beings, rather than perfection, is warranted? Absolutely. Mortals, too, are flawed, and we don't kill them all for it. I think Vax's story makes them uncomfortable because it makes it clear divine favor is not, as Ludinus Da'leth tries to argue, the gods just bestowing and withholding their gifts arbitrarily, but rather that divine favor comes with a divine responsibility as well. Clerics and paladins do not study the way wizards do; but they must live lives in service, whereas a wizard can shut the book at the end of the day and do whatever. Clerics and paladins have powers that can be taken away; a wizard does not. That's the fundamental concept behind the Age of Arcanum - wizards trying to get around the fundamental rules of this world! Vax's paladin powers came at a price. His options are guided, but also limited, by the oath he took. He is far more fettered than a wizard, in the end, and I think that fucks with the narrative of the gods cruelly withholding their gifts from all but a select few, so they instead make their gifts into manipulative punishments…while still, contradictorily, arguing that characters such as Laudna or Ashton or Imogen were denied the mercy of the gods. Now, setting aside the obvious, that these characters have their backstories because Marisha and Taliesin and Laura decided they would because this is a story, and one in which someone had a perfect life would be boring and so the gods didn't intervene with Laudna because Marisha Ray wanted to play a Sun Tree corpse (see next section), it really is fascinating to see how people who hate the Raven Queen so neatly align with Ludinus. It's fine for sorcerers to have inborn powers, apparently, and Ludinus actually has himself tried to ape druidic magic; it's not about power, it's just about that power source. Honestly, they're not even above the gods as a power source - Ludinus used the crystal beneath Molaesmyr seemingly unaware if it were of the Archheart, and he's demonstrably using Vax, and everyone loves a resurrection from the gods, but heaven forbid you pay someone for the work you feel yourself entitled to. (Entitlement: this will also be a theme throughout the rant portion of this post.)

As a brief subsection to this: the idea that bad things happen to good people because the other side of that coin is free will is an ancient theological and philosophical discussion, and one we are obviously not going to solve here, though it is a little depressing I have had multiple rewarding conversations on this topic, thanks to an academically rigorous religious education, starting from the tender age of 9, and a lot of adults on Tumblr seemingly can't engage on the level of my third-grade classmates. I think, however, it tells a truth that fits in well with the wizard (and entitled fan) desire to control everything. People are terrified of random forces. Cancer, for example, is a matter of probability. There are things that can increase your chances of developing cancer, to be sure, but the simile I used when I was taught about radiation-induced cancers was that of lottery tickets: if you buy more, you have a better chance; but sometimes someone who bought a single ticket "wins" and someone who bought a ticket weekly never does. By believing the gods of Exandria are on trial for not intervening with every little hardship or for not taking Vax precisely as he intended, they reveal a profound terror of random chance and of the free will of people who are not them. Which is very funny when you consider we're watching Actual Play, where random chance is a deliberately induced element. I think the takeaway of all of this is "I think some of you guys are really mad this is a D&D game." But let's continue.

The third, and honestly most likely cause, is honestly sort of a continuation of the first but not centered around Vax so much as just a general, in my opinion deeply childish discomfort of any sort of tragedy or unhappiness in fiction. I've noticed this a lot lately, and I am not a cultural critic and don't have a high enough level view to pretend to be one, but as others have noted a lot of people seem affronted when whatever show they are currently watching does not meet their specific standards of "comfort media" or "hopepunk." It's a self-infantilization I don't care for, and it's certainly not limited to the CR fandom (see: any grown-ass adult passionately defending a choice to only watch children's cartoons and only read YA) or even fandom at all (see: the baffling popularity of the Mr. Rogers "look for the helpers" line which was intended for anxious young children, not for adults who can and should be the helpers). It really came into focus for me with CR when people referred to both EXU Calamity and to Candela Obscura's Circle of Needle and Thread as specifically "hopeless." They are, to me, deeply hopeful series. They are sad, and tragic, and many characters do not get a happy ending, but they are ultimately about how some people will endure, and will live on and find meaning after great loss. Calamity explicitly states that because of the actions of the heroes, while devastation will occur, total annihilation is mitigated. It's like the adage of how courage only means something in the face of fear; hope only means something in the face of darkness. Happy and fluffy tales are not hopeful; they are merely not things that require you to have hope. The root word of catharsis is that of cleansing and purgation and it originally related to physical excretion - cathartic stories are about getting those complicated and ugly emotions and fears out and feeling better for it by briefly feeling, perhaps, worse! Now, again, this has worsened with Vax's story with time. Shortly after Campaign 1, it was very common to see stories where Vex or Keyleth were utterly distraught, indefinitely, but those at least were engaging with grief, even if in a very shallow and unproductive way. But this has morphed into this idea that the fact that a work of fiction might make you even feel sadness makes it bad, and wrong, and hopeless, and the machinations of a cruel and heartless god. Which brings me back to the entitlement narrative: it's really as simple as "the story didn't give me what I wanted (whether that was a happy ending for Vax, or for Keyleth, or just a lack of sadness generally, or a narrative about the gods that validates my personal beliefs, or a way to justify Ludinus's actions), so it is bad." Which again is about being in control of the narrative, which again, in D&D, is simply not something anyone can claim. Why are these people here watching a D&D game? I don't know.

So that's really it: on a basic level, if you think the Raven Queen is unfair, you are profoundly ignorant of canon, so I'm already going to have to fact check anything you cite (if you cite at all), but there's a much deeper refusal to meet stories where they are and expand one's own comfort zone at play, and that means any analysis will never consider the possibility that your pre-existing beliefs were wrong (absolutely crucial in meta). You will always play it too safe and be uninspired and reactionary because the alternative is uncertainty and fear. I think a refusal to embrace tragedy in fiction is itself a profound tragedy; that is someone who is terrified to believe that life goes on.

#answered #Anonymous #cr tag #long post #candela tag #ngl i'm torn about not maintagging this; kind of want to but it does go somewhat far from the original topic

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thequeenofmyownscreen · 4 months ago

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My thoughts about episode 3, season 3 of The Legend of Vox Machina :

Thordak is such a drama queen : "Soon, my children, very soon, the corpses of our ennemies shall be your cradles, and their eternal agony your milk !" But Lance Reddick makes it terrifying.

We're going to Draconia ! Of course, with the non-existence of a certain dragonborn and his asshole actor, they had to redo the "why", but it works ! Because amongst other things, this means we're going to learn a little bit more about Allura and Kima, and that's never a bad thing.

Cassandra is such a good little sister who's annoying :

Also she's right. When Vex invites you to your room...

I OPEN THE DOOR, COMPLETELY NAKED

Love it so much. I knew it was coming and yet. The stroke of genius of Laura Bailey lives on. I told the story of this scene in the Campaign to my sister and friend, remembering her exact tone of voice from the campaign, and laughing so much while telling it.

Love that they did the superposition of the Vex/Percy scene (hot) and the Keyleth/Vax scene (not hot at all, but sad).

I love less the fact that it's Vax who says "We can't be together" in this adaptation. Of course it's logical with his vision (my sister guessed he was going to say that). But me, a Campaign viewer, who was drawn by Keyleth's indecision between her youth, her affections, her moral fortitude and commitment to the Aramente, all of that while knowing she's supposed to live a very long time, and also drawn by the fact that she was the one who chose to renunce hapiness (at first, then chose to believe in Vax)... I don't like it. that's all. I'm hoping she will have some other character growth.

As my sister said : "Some people know how to have fun in this castle" :

Oh, Scanlan. He continues to break my heart.

Really vain note, but Pike's nightdress is so cute, I want the same

THE WALK OF SHAME, HAHAHAHA

The misunderstanding with "Dis" is excellent. It reminds me of when the cast sang all the time "We Built Dis City".

the desing of the Hells is so good (I saw horrible things so it's good, it respects the assignment).

Allura and Kima backstory ! Oh, there were crushes, heh ??!! And resentment ??! And ... oh, that bitch.

"Nice steering, babe !" while running away from a dragon. I love Kima so much.

that shot is INCREDIBLE :

oh oh. With Dohla dead, I just realized... Allura can't open the portal by herself ! They're stuck in the Hells !!

That chase sequence was so good, by the way.

The Vex/Percy relationship is such a good one, fantastic adaptation. I love them so much.

Oh, hi Matt ! ewwwwwwwwwwww

#my thoughts #critical role #the legend of vox machina #TLOVM #tlovm s3 #obvioulsy :#tlovm spoilers

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crispysnake · 2 years ago

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I'm obsessed with your modern au, and I won't shut up about it.

Think about the next spring, tho. Keyleth searches all the nurseries for new plants or spends hours during one week or a weekend where Keyleth carefully plants new seeds that will hopefully germinate and give her new plants. Maybe she will enlist Vax or the rest of VM to help her.

Or maybe they all pitch in because they knew how important Keyleth's plants were to her and what it meant to her mental health, and they surprise her with a new seedling each. Keyleth names each one after the person who gave them to her, and sometimes they come over and help her care for the plant.

It doesn't replace the ones she lost, but it helps her accept the loss, especially if her friends are there to help her (it goes without saying that it also works as a metaphor for her grieving about her mom).

YES YES YOU SEE THE VISION YOURE SO BIG BRAINED

no cause Keyleth is So emotionally attached to these plants I was not joking. I think maybe when she moved to Emon, Korrin sent her off with packets and packets of seeds (he is the most country dad to ever happen) so she could always take care of herself. (and he gave her one of Vilyas Calla Lily plants they have been working to keep alive. it also died that winter)

The first thing she bought when she moved in was pots for her plants, for a long time the only other living thing in the apartment with her, was those plants. It always gave her something to take care of even when she was at her darkest. She used so many of those vegetables and herbs to make meals and eventually cooking and sharing those meals with friends. It was just beyond crushing to not only lose something she worked so hard on and spent so much time caring for, but it felt like losing that part of home too:/

yes yes yes that spring vm all chipped in to get the high quality seeds and sprouts for her, I think they all got a little too invested in the germinating and potting process and it became a competition of who's baby plant would sprout first. Scanlans bell peppers won. (I think they used to tease keyeth abt calling her plants her babies but also everytime grog sees her he needs to know how his baby grogs (garlic plant) are doing)

and them doing that did genuinely help her so much, you're right it did become like a metaphor for moving on, shes always going to love those little sprouts that came with her all the way to Emon and her new life but she needed to be embracing and loving the family (and plants) she has here and now.

(plus Vax got Percy's help to build a makeshift greenhouse on her balcony before the next winter. it's almost like a sunroom and it keeps all of them safe and in the sun and it did indeed make her cry)

#THANK U FOR ENABLING ME #hey guys why can I get emotional about a girl and her plants #anyhoo #tysm for the ask:))#im very glad youre enjoying this au as much as I am :')#mira talks cr #critical role #vox machina #modern au #keyleth #keyleth of the air ashari

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thessalian · 2 years ago

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Thess vs TLOVM Reviews

The other day, I decided I’d go looking at the reviews for Legend of Vox Machina S2. Just ‘cos. I mean, I knew I liked it, but it’s nice to see what other people think, because I won’t say it’s perfect and it’s sometimes interesting to look at what other people think works (or doesn’t work, depending).

I gleefully noted that 97% of the reviews given in the UK were 5-stars. Lots of good commentary, both from people who’d watched the campaign and those who hadn’t. I also noted, with some interest, the five or so that gave it 1- or 2-star reviews. So I thought I’d have a look and see what they were saying.

I mean, first thing I noticed was that the things were very short and badly spelled with zero grammar and couldn’t even be bothered with capitalising the beginning of sentences. I mean, okay, if that’s how you write, go ahead, but I’m going to side-eye you a little if you’re offering critique that way. And then I read them. Obviously it did not take long.

My sheer disbelief over what I saw, however, engendered a lot of thinking of the angry, “Why do people review shit when they obviously did not actually watch the damn thing?” variety. So now I’m putting my thoughts on virtual paper.

The one that came up a lot was, “No plot”. Um. Okay, there’s a two-pronged answer to that one. I mean, S1 was “Oh fuck dragon infiltration” plus “vampire and necromancer infiltration and oh yeah they murdered one character’s entire fucking family“ plus “And now we have to deal with the demon said character allowed into his soul when he was clawing for survival and revenge after barely escaping with his life”. And when we get to S2, we get, “Oh fuck dragon infiltration was the step in a larger plan!” plus “We need serious weapons to deal with this” plus “What I Will Do To Save My Sister’s Life: A Compendium” plus “When people tell you that your sword is being an asshole, maybe LISTEN” plus “Let’s touch on the pain and tragedy of everyone’s backstory for giggles” with a topping of, “Could strange bedfellows not roofie our known allies, please? I mean-- wait; BBEG is doing what?!?” All of this sounds like plot to me, both of the personal development variety and of the “completing a mission” variety. Soooooo ... not sure where that one came from but at least four people said it. Also apparently focused more on the “sex-starved gnome” (ignoring Scanlan’s character development entirely) and “the alpha male beard guy” (and never mind that Grog has never been the dominant figure in the group and spent a whole lot of S2 showing his soft side and weaknesses - ‘alpha male’ my entire ass; it doesn’t just mean ‘big strong muscular person’ even to the assholes who believe in the term).

And then there was, “They always win; the things that they need always just appear and there’s never any feeling that they might lose”. Which is the point where I start asking, “What the fuck show did you watch?” Focusing entirely on S2 for a moment, we have:

Ep 1: Vox Machina and the entire city of Emon get their collective ass handed to them by the Chroma Conclave; Vox Machina specifically barely escape with their lives twice - once from the city itself, once from the Keep into Whitestone.

Ep 2: Mighty heroes go to Vasselheim for help, basically get told to go fuck themselves, eventually manage to get a tiny shred of information to go on after having their asses handed to them on the emotional level by a couple of spiritual know-alls.

Ep 3: Vex. Fucking. Dies. And that’s leaving out nearly getting drowned by fish people.

Ep 4: Vex is revived through her brother throwing himself into an open-ended deal with a death god, and then they all more or less get their asses handed to them on one level or another; only get out because Vax took self-sacrifice to its greatest heights.

Ep 5: “I AM VERY FLAMMABLE!” That one only gets resolved when Keyleth finally lets go of her anxieties (and if we’re talking about ‘the things we need just appearing’, if she’d figured that out when it was needed, a lot of things would have been a lot easier over the last season or so).

Ep 6: Vox Machina get their asses handed to them again, this time by sphinx. Saved again by character development and someone finally realising that not all wounds are physical ... only to get their asses handed to them yet again by black dragon asshole who takes everything they managed to earn in that entire fight - ally and Vestige. Oh, yeah, and buddy-on-buddy stabbing because of fucking evil sword, and splitting the party.

Ep 7: Both halves of the team end up crippled - Team Gnome And Goliath because weapon (and the shit Grog goes through trying to shake the curse ... and it doesn’t even really work), Team Half-Elf And Know-All because half the party ends up tripping balls. The latter has the worst of it because the two guys get their asses largely kicked by Jell-O.

Ep 8: If people got what they needed exactly when they needed it, Vex would have had even the tiniest bit of support when she was soloing an archfey - one with a fucking Vestige, no less. (The twins have shit luck and worse resistance when it comes to powerful beings making passes at them, I swear.)

Ep 9: Team Gnome and Goliath have to more or less resort to sneaking, gain some allies ... kind of, but since most of them are terrified, that’s not really a lot of help. Beyond that, the only reason they don’t get their asses kicked is because they know they’re going to get their asses kicked. ...And then Grog goes anyway because fuck that, apparently.

Ep 10: What some might call ‘convenient’ breaking of curse is honestly about the only self-reflection someone with an INT of 6 and no real WIS modifier is going to get without flash cards. Then Vox Machina throws everything they have at the enemy and it still isn’t enough. Grog had to more or less kill himself to win that one, so shut up with your “It never feels like they’ll lose”.

Ep 11: Fancy trap? Nope. Get literally inside the dragon and pin it in place from the inside? Nope. Umbrasyl kicks their entire collective ass, even with Herd of Storms and three fucking Vestiges on side.

Ep 12: I found how this one ended interesting because it’s almost a callback to how they beat Brimscythe - distract by clearly being unable to fight, then hit with whatever you’ve got left. The only reason Vox Machina defeated Umbrasyl is because most of the team got their asses kicked so hard that they bowed to what they saw as the inevitable and Scanlan used Umbrasyl’s very draconic gloating (seriously - black dragons get off on people’s pain and misery) to ... let’s think how this would work because we couldn’t see it: get close to Umbrasyl while the dragon’s distracted, climb Umbrasyl’s right front leg, undo the straps tying Mythcarver to Umbrasyl without dropping Mythcarver, take up Mythcarver so it ended up more gnome-sized, get off Umbrasyl without him noticing, climb a bit of rock debris without making enough noise to wake the dead for the sheer momentum he’d need to pull that off, and then get Umbrasyl’s attention enough so that his strike would hit the weakest point on Umbrasyl - the eye, because he had no idea if Mythcarver would cut dragon hide without a lot of weight behind it and Scanlan is a fucking gnome and thus does not have that kind of weight.

I have seen the campaign - in fact, campaign 1 is the only one I’ve seen in full. I knew they were going to come out okay up to this point. But I was still on the edge of my fucking seat on these. So anyone who’s all about “They get what they need when they need it and they never lose” ... really has not been watching this show. Vox Machina has got its collective ass kicked so many times - Brimscythe, the Briarwoods on multiple occasions, Raishan, Vorugal, half the Feywild, the Herd of Storms, Umbrasyl at least three times... They win out eventually, but honestly that makes as much sense as anything else. It’s that “It’s always in the last place you look” thing - once you’ve found it, you stop looking so it’s obviously in the ‘last’ place you look. They fight until they win or everybody’s dead. If everybody died, that is the end of the damn show. The fact that they keep repeatedly fucking up until something works is actually pretty true to life. Sometimes you need to think more; sometimes you need to think less and act on instinct. They just do the thing until something works. But that’s not instantly “getting exactly what you need when you need it”. That’s trial and error.

Honestly, the main reason everybody loves Vox Machina so much is because they remind us of ... well, ourselves. We, too, are just flailing around the place until something works. Fine, we don’t have physical dragons to deal with, but our problems feel just as big and terrifying. It’s comforting to know that if you keep at it, reaching for help wherever you can find it at a price you’re willing to pay and just never giving up, you’ll survive this.

Oh, and don’t even get me started on the ones who call Vox Machina “horrible role models” and complain about the “debauchery and crude behaviour”. It’s rated minimum 15 and maximum 18 for a fucking reason. Your kids should not be watching this, and if you’re offended by a few four-letter words and some carousing? You probably shouldn’t be watching it either. You were warned. There were warnings out the ass. Just because it’s animation doesn’t mean it’s for kids, doesn’t mean it’s going to be everyone shiny and happy and wholesome at the end talking about the power of friendship or how knowing is half the battle. We left that behind in the 80s, when cartoons were half morality play, half toy commercial. Respect the art of animation ... or at least please check the parental guidance on these things. This is like giving your kids Neon Genesis Evangelion to watch because that’s animation.

It would have been nice if the bad reviews were even remotely worthwhile? But this is ... this is just “people who didn’t actually watch the show but hate it when people have nice things”. It has to be. That or people with the situational awareness of a whelk.

#tlovm season 2 #tlovm spoilers #Thess gets aerated #Thess watches Critical Role

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chocolatecoveredbrusselsprout · 1 year ago

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Okay okay so I’ve been thinking about this all day (thank you for such a thorough response and breakdown!) and I think I’ve narrowed down my dislike for the Raven Queen.

The more I thought about it the more I realized I was okay with Vax dying at the end. Would I have preferred him to live? Of course! But having at least one of VM pass established stakes and made it feel more real. It also has allowed the beautiful story to develop! Plus, each of the members have had deaths that were shortly resolved, so Vax genuinely being dead reasserted that possibility. The key part here though is in Exandria, we KNOW there is an afterlife. We know Vax got to see his mother again, etc., so eventually, he would get to see all of VM again. But as the Champion of Ravens, he has a duty first and is unable to.

The part that gets me is the “eternal champion” bit. I don’t think it would be fair or right for the RQ to keep Vax as her Champion forever. This would deny him his “eternal rest.” If he is always working for her, what time does he get to spend with his loved ones who have past?*** As of what the content shows now (unless there is something I’m missing), Vax does not have a contract end date, and I resent that. He deserves rest at some point.

I also realized that with the addition of The Legend of Vox Machina into canon, we’re able to see a non-improvised version of the story. Others have pointed out that they do show more aspects and actions of the Raven Queen there. It’s so interesting to see what they add in, and it does seem at times that she has more selfish intentions (she had been watching Vax for a while…) that we didn’t originally get in stream.

Her lawful neutral alignment is also wonderful because it is so infuriating! It’s perfect! Death isn’t on anyone’s side, it just is. *holds in a Hamilton reference* But, with the advancement of C3, we’ve also gotten to see more and more of the characteristics and flaws of the gods, and how they are imperfect. I do still think The RQ was selfish at times and took advantage of Vax, but other times, Vax actively leaned in, too.

I do also want to make note too that though I dislike the Raven Queen ~emotionally~ she is also an AMAZING character. So well-written, the execution of her lawful neutrality, her loneliness and opening up to Vax, her kindness and letting him be a revenant and say goodbye, her punishing Vax for saving Kiki? It’s all so layered and complex and I need to stop before I just go off on how wonderful storytellers the entire cast of CR is.

Thanks again to everyone for your thoughts and discussions I genuinely do appreciate it!

***bonus thought***

What if, when Keyleth dies, the Raven Queen finally lets Vax go? Through the centuries Vax has shepherded thousands of souls and served the Matron well. He has watched his loved ones grow old and pass on, and been there to be with them. Keyleth is the last of them, and as he goes to take her to the afterlife, the Raven Queen could say to him “my Champion, you’ve been with me a long time. You’ve served me loyally and well and I am grateful. You’ve helped many others move on, and now it’s time for you to go, too. You have earned your rest, my Vax’ildan. They’re waiting for you…” and then Vox Machina is waiting for Keyleth and Vax and they go into the afterlife ALL TOGETHER AGAIN HAPPILY EVER AFTER OKAY

Okay would LOVE to see some discourse/hear other people’s thoughts (respectfully plz no one be rude for no reason) cuz I HAVE SOME.

I have never liked the Raven Queen. The Matron of Ravens. I wanted to so badly! Her aesthetic? Iconic. The way she OUSTED the previous god of death? KILLED him? As a mortal? And she ascended to godhood? A total flex. Like damn fr. BUT

I can’t get over what she did to Vax. If she just hadn’t taken advantage of him, I could love her so much. But I can’t. My disdain has also grown the further into Campaign 3 we get and the more I read.

Some Reasons!

1. She took advantage of Vax when he was in a weak spot. He was struggling, depressed, and desperate at the sudden loss of his sister. She used this to make a deal with him.

2. She took Vax immediately after they defeated Vecna. Why could he not live out his life as her champion? (I do know that because of the Disintegrate spell, there was no body to revive him so this would kind of “go against” her rules?)

3. Why make Vax her champion? He wasn’t willing. Yes, he offered himself, but that was more so coercion. Consent should be enthusiastic! Vax’ildan was desperate and afraid to lose the ones he loved, so he made deals with a god previously unknown to him. We’ve seen that the Matron has MANY followers in Campaign 3. There were so many she could have chosen to be her champion. Who would have WANTED to be her champion. Why Vax? Are we to truly believe that in all of Exandria, no other follower of the RQ was fate-touched? (If that was her reason)

4. She also made him her *eternal* champion. (This is part especially where I’d love to hear others’ thoughts). Vax does not get to die. Not like most people. He is now stuck in that same limbo as the Raven Queen. Yes, he gets to shepherd souls to The Other Side. Purvan did. But Purvan GOT TO REST. He served his time, and then got to pass on. As of right now, Vax will never know rest, and I hate that she stole it from him. If Vax has died-died, eventually he would be reunited with his loved ones in the afterlife. Now, when they die, they’ll see him, but only briefly as he must go back to his ETERNAL DUTY. May I remind you that he did not ask for that position?

Also, doesn’t that kind of contradict her whole “death is a part of life” thing, having an eternal champion? Yes, Vax is now a celestial and he did “die,” but he never passes on to the afterlife. Some blurry lines there.

5. The Matron has punished Vax for visiting/“interfering” with his loved ones. In latest 4-sided dive, Matt clarified that the first attack on Zephrah/Keyleth, Vax showed up and saved her (that’s how Otohan knew he would come again). Matt continued that his actions were technically against the RQ’s commands, and that she punished him for it (we don’t know how). Now, Vax’ildan is stuck in a painful orb as a lens, and she has done nothing to help.

So that’s all I have at the moment. What do y’all think? Please share your thoughts or tag me in stuff cuz I want to read more on it. It continually bugs me that the Matron was lonely in her task (fair) and that she may have not realized that before ascending, but that does not mean that she should force Vax to the same fate/keep him to herself.

(Also, I think Gargo/Shithead may have been her animal companion? That will be another post though)

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waltwhitmansbeard · 2 years ago

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Lifespan angst dialogue #1, because I love suffering. I'm thinking Vaxleth, but I'll also take the twins (doesn't have to be MFL related, whatever you feel like).

“It’s not til death do us part for us, is it? It’s until death takes you from me.” yeah i don't think i'm gonna make it mfl but i don't see her becoming an archdruid and living a bajillion years in that one, but this honestly feels like a vex thing to say so i'll throw the perc'ahlia shippers a bone with this one. (i gotta stop talking like i don't ship them too before i alienate this entire fandom lol)

When he asks her the question, she's sure he's joking. They're in the middle of the Parchwood, one of the many hunting trips she's dragged him out on, mostly to make sure he gets sunlight and fresh air and something to stare at that isn't tiny and mechanical. Trinket's off swatting at fish in a stream, and Vex is staring at him, dumbstruck.

"I asked you a question, Vex'ahlia, did you hear me?"

Did she hear him? It's all she can hear, echoing round and round in her mind at an increasingly loud volume. Do you want to go get married? He asked it as if he were asking Do you want to go out for dinner? or Do you want to visit Zephrah this weekend?, so nonchalant and casual.

As if he didn't know the question would have her immediately sweating bullets. "I...what?"

"You might want to let go of your bow, dear, before you snap it in two."

Her eyes dart down to her hand, which, oh, yeah, is gripping her bow so tightly her knuckles are white. She drops it, stretches her fingers out slowly. "Are you...was that your idea of a proposal?"

Percy shrugs, leaning back against a towering pine tree. His entire body language is incredibly laid-back, and Vex could knock his teeth out for it. "I've got a ring for you. It's back at the castle. My...great-great-grandmother's, if I recall. I thought it'd be nicer to ask you out here, where you're...I don't know, in your element."

"In my element." Vex is having a thousand thoughts, and she's having all of them at the same time. Here? Now? Is this his idea of romance? And what does he mean by go get married? Take a quick jaunt down to the local temple, sign some paperwork, be home by dinner? Is there to be a wedding? Who will be their witnesses? Do they need witnesses? What about Vax? Cassandra? Keyleth? Vox Machina? If her brother isn't there, she'll cry. If Tary isn't there, he'll cry. What is her title, then, if they're married? Can she be the lady of Whitestone and Baroness of the First House and Grand Mistress of the Grey Hunt? What does the ring look like?

It could be good, to get it out of the way. Out of the way—it's not a chore, Vex'ahlia, it's pledging yourself to one person until you die. Well, until he dies. Oh gods. Oh gods, he's going to die. He already has died, but for real, he's going to die, and Vex will live a long, long time without him. Years. Decades. Possibly even longer than she'll live with him. And their kids—of course they'll have kids. A gaggle of them, likely, and it'll have to be soon so he's not a geriatric father.

"Hey." His voice, quiet, smooth, interrupts her internal maelstrom. "You're freaking out."

"Yeah, a bit," she laughs. She tugs nervously on her braid. "You want to get married? Now?"

"Why not?" He quirks a smile, but there's something melancholy just at the edges of his eyes. "I can't wait forever, Vex'ahlia."

She knows what he's not saying. It's the thing she fears most in the world. "I know you can't," she whispers. "And...it's not that I want to wait. I don't." She does, but she doesn't know what she's waiting for. "I just...wow. Marriage. It's...it's big."

"It is." He stands, crosses the little clearing they've been resting in, and plops down beside her, lacing his fingers in hers. "Is it scary?"

"Not...marriage. But...everything that comes after, I guess."

"The baby in the baby carriage?" he quips.

She elbows him in the side. "No, you ass. It's..." She doesn't want to say it, doesn't want to make it real.

"What is it? Don't want to vow 'til death do us part with me?"

"Except it's not 'til death do us part for us, is it? It's until death takes you from me."

The clearing is suddenly quiet, their awkward silence interrupted only by Trinket's irritated pawing at the water behind them. Percy's face is frustratingly unreadable. He's looking at her with that same placid patience that Vax mastered years ago—have they been colluding on how best to drive her crazy?

She caves. "I'm sorry." She rips her hands from his and covers her face. "I'm sorry."

"Vex'ahlia." Long, deft fingers pry her hands away, and there are his eyes, oh, she really does love his eyes. "You know you don't have to apologize to me. Not for this. Not for anything, really."

"Hmm, don't write me a blank check, darling," she says dryly.

He laughs at that. "Fair enough." He sighs. "Do you know how long I've been waiting for you to say that?"

"Say what?"

"Say that you're going to outlive me."

She feels the itch under her skin, the one that tells her she needs to be moving, needs to be out of this place. "Let's not—we don't have to—"

"But we do, because you will. You will have a long, vibrant, full life, and I can't tell you how sorry I am that I'm going to miss so much of it."

Her eyes burn and her throat is tightening. "I just...I don't want to. Live that full life without you. I don't want all those years without you in them."

He pulls her in, tucks her head under his chin and wraps his arms around her. She curls into him, the tears coming hot and fast. "I'm sorry," he whispers. "I'm so, so sorry." She cries into his coat like a child, but she can't bring herself to stop. He's right (always annoyingly right), she hasn't ever said it out loud, hasn't even said it to herself. She knows Vax and Keyleth have long been grappling with the massive difference between their expected lifespans, and in the context of the centuries she'll live without him, what are the few decades Vex will spend mourning Percy? What right has she to spin herself in circles when Keyleth will watch everyone she knows and loves wither and die?

Because oh, what an ache. It is a blade, his short life, hanging over their bed by a thread. It is a shadow always looming on the edges of her vision. She will bury this man someday, lay him to rest among his ancestors and wake up the next day and the next day and the next until she forgets, forgets the crinkle of his eye when he smiles and the smell of gunpowder in his hair and the sounds of his low oaths when he's encountered a puzzle he can't solve. Someday he will be a ghost in her memories, and she will never not be haunted again.

But fuck. He's worth it.

He presses a kiss to the crown of her head. "I hope you know that there is no one else in the world I'd rather grow old in front of." She snorts out a wet laugh. "Seriously, do you know how lucky I am to know that I'll be old and wrinkled and stooped and my wife will still be stupidly hot?"

"Stop," she chuckles, straightening up in his arms. "You're such a jerk."

"Of course, but that's why you love me."

"It is, and I do." She puts her hands on either side of his face. "I do, so very much. For as many years as I have with you, and all the years after."

His smile turns mischievous. "Enough to marry me?"

She rolls her eyes and kisses him, long and deep. "Yes," she whispers against his lips, "you idiot, I will marry you."

She shrieks out a laugh when he tackles her back onto the forest floor, and when he kisses her again, he does not stop until the air grows cold and sky darkens to the color of a raven's wing.

#i'm in a training so the editing for this is probably shit pls forgive me #critical role #critical role fic #cr fic #perc'ahlia #perc'ahlia fic #vox machina #vox machina fic #my fic #ask #ravendruid

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your-turn-to-role · 5 years ago

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hi okay i hate sending asks to people without knowing them but you seem kind so im trying: during the break, i’ve been working my way through VM, and i’m at episode 75. my question, because i’ve read some of your more recent meta, is “what’s Percy’s deal?” i know he’s loved by the fandom, but i can’t find myself relating to him, and i find his assertions that he’s the only one with a plan offputting. is there more context you can give to me about percy’s character that explains his motivations?

aww, thank you!

(and yeah, asks like this are totally fine, i totally get that anxiety, good job on sending this!)

i mean, first off, you don't have to like a character everyone else does? if you don't relate to percy you can just, not relate to percy, that's fine

(and to be fair, as much as i love him as a character, i would not want him as a friend, because he's a very flawed person that has a lot to work on, but in fiction those traits are interesting to watch rather than difficult to deal with)

but, percy's deal! the short answer is people generally like him because taliesin's funny and charismatic and he does morally grey right, which is rare and a fun thing to explore (also in his relationships with other people, the entire vex-vax-percy-keyleth square is full of neat parallels and opposites and interesting things and i have whole essays in my head on all six combos there)

i don’t know which posts you’ve read so i’ll link this one here too, just to cover a couple more of the generally unnoticed aspects of his character, and things i like about percy

he’s also far from perfect, as you’ve noted, he does tend to believe he’s the smartest person in any given room, because he’s young and clever and used to being that, which you’re allowed to find off putting, but i will say i find he does that less than a lot of characters of his general archetype? he listens to pike, he listens to keyleth, he listens to vex, he respects when they have more knowledge than him on a particular subject, he’s not above asking for help. and generally most of the arguments he has with keyleth on that subject aren’t him asserting he knows more than her, but more a matter of principles and values (they’re a really interesting pair that way, they have similar backgrounds, both children of royalty running away from the crown, but they’re such opposites. percy is a natural leader who would rather anyone rule than him, keyleth fumbles her way through all of it but sticks to it because she doesn’t want to let anyone down, percy is a pragmatist, keyleth is an idealist, they both are too focused on the big picture but in two completely different ways, i could write a whole other post on this, but to get to my point, they wouldn’t be such good balances for each other if percy didn’t absolutely respect where keyleth is coming from)

for the long answer, i’m gonna break this down into parts and try to get to the core of percy's character and why he is the way he is

(under the cut bc this gets long)

1 - heavy trauma

like... this is the really really big one. percy, at age 17 or 18, had his entire life up to that point completely destroyed. his family was killed, his friends were killed, people he trusted like family (professor anders, who was a more present figure in percy's life than his actual parents) betrayed him and helped the briarwoods, he was imprisoned in his own castle's dungeons and tortured for information, they threw his siblings' bodies in there with him to make a point, cassandra helped him escape but as far as he knew she died helping him. he has two years of his life after that he straight up doesn't remember, his hair turned white from the stress of it.

trying to go after ripley the first time didn't work, he was captured and left to starve in a prison cell, for the first few months of travelling with vox machina he genuinely believed it wasn't real, because realistically no one was gonna come save him, this was just a hallucination of his dying mind. returning to whitestone he was forced to confront the fact that literally everyone he ever knew growing up (with the sole exception of archibald) was either dead or working with the briarwoods, and even after retaking the city there's a lot that can never be repaired.

and he's just... never really dealt with any of this? like, he gave vox machina the technical details of what happened to him in the briarwood arc, because they needed to know that information, but the first time he actually started processing his trauma, the first time he admits it out loud to anyone, is the final episode of campaign one. before then it had been occasional snide or handwavey comments, and like, he'll let himself feel the anger over it (in the beginning of the story he encouraged it, because then he didn't have to feel anything else), but he's never processed the grief, never admitted to himself how badly that affected him

which means he's got a lot of pent up emotions in there that he just keeps burying, and sometimes they come out in unhealthy ways. having so much taken from him also makes him really motivated to keep the things he does have - he’s got some deep set abandonment issues and takes any kind of betrayal really badly, don’t know if you’ve got up to the scanlan stuff by the time i post this, but that’s something to keep in mind as to why he acts the way he does there. (and it’s not more explicit because percy was raised nobility, keeping a brave face through anything is part of who he is, he tends to cover emotions he’s insecure about in snark or indifference or, for the intense ones, anger, because those are the things he thinks he’s allowed to show, but the real emotions show up occasionally, when they’re particularly strong, or if you’re reading between the lines. he really does care a lot about vox machina)

2 - legacy and loyalty.

speaking of nobility, it's hard to do a character study on percy without mentioning whitestone and the house of de rolo. this is the number one thing to percy. he was raised to respect title and name, and most importantly, raised to respect the people he represents - both the townsfolk of whitestone and also percy's ancestors and future de rolo generations. whitestone is more important than any one life, he has a duty to protect and serve it, and that comes before any personal wants he may have. it's also important to him for family reasons - he was a pretty lonely child, but he loved reading about the history of the city, all the weird ghost stories whitestone had even before the briarwoods. it probably made him feel more connected to all of that, this is the place he belongs. and after his family dies, it becomes even more important, because this is his connection to them. the soul of a city lives as long as its people, by protecting what's left, he keeps a little bit of what came before

(and also in just tidbits to understand percy's character, he sees all cities and man-made things the same way - in a world where some races live for centuries or millennia, their history exists mostly by word of mouth, you can physically talk to people who were around 500 years ago and get their take on things - humans don't have that, they get 100 years at most, so the things they build are vital to their heritage. this is how you keep people alive long after they're gone, by honouring what they created. and especially for someone so concerned with legacy and history, percy literally says abandoning westruun would be blasphemy, because the place people grew up is important, yes it's better that they live, but letting the city be abandoned and destroyed would be an irreparable act of violence.)

this is the number one thing on percy's mind when evaluating anything about himself, where do i come from, and what do i leave behind? which is a question that has a lot of moments to be tested, because of my next point...

3 - pragmatism and terrible thoughts

when it comes down to it, percy is a very ends justify the means kind of person. he finds it very easy to square away any kind of collateral damage as long as it gets him to his end goal. see: trial of the take, where he's fine to catch his friends in the blast radius of a new bomb design because he's so excited that it worked, preparing to fight vorugal and resigning himself to potentially having to kill innocent people to kill the dragon (he wasn’t okay with that, but he would do it), also his conscious decision to let ripley go, knowing she would lead to the deaths of thousands because it was her or the briarwoods and he wanted revenge

(this is by his own admission his lowest point and worst mistake, because as mentioned, he thinks about the consequences of his actions near constantly, he knew she would reproduce his guns and they would lead to a whole new form of warfare. but in that moment he was just blinded by grief and way too emotionally burnt out and did not have the capacity to care. and he spends the rest of the campaign and honestly probably the rest of his life trying to make up for that one)

he's also, by his own admission, someone who has a lot of bad thoughts he doesn't act on, he's very clever and creative and ideas for ways to use those skills for violence or vengeance come easily to him (like, percy as an actual villain would be ripley but worse, ripley's intelligent but a very direct point a to point b kind of thinker, percy has multiple times criticised her lack of imagination, a percy with her lack of morals would be terrifying)

(honestly this is why i was seeing percy so much in taliesin's narrative telephone, because "sometimes i wake up having dreamed of a terrible thing, and normally i just file that away for things that i would never do, because i wanna maintain friendships, but then LIAM did something to me." and the whole being absolutely fine with throwing the rest of the cast under the bus just to enact revenge on liam was quintessential percy)

but we’ve seen the pragmatic anti hero everywhere, anyone can be a terrible person, and have reasons for it, that alone doesn’t make an interesting character (at least not for me)

what does, is my last point

4 - trying to be good

i still vividly remember when i first watched campaign one, being really surprised at how much percy asked for help? like, i went in expecting the usual full on demon possession storyline, i expected percy to hide how bad it was, i expected him to make poor decisions without realising he was doing it until he was in too deep to back out

and like, he had some of that. but at the first sign of things being out of his control, he asked his friends for help. he let pike greater restoration him. he told vax to kill him if things ever got too out of hand. he was really, genuinely scared about what he got himself into and what he might do because of it. there was never a point where he pretended, even to himself, that making a deal with orthax was okay. the minute he realised there was a demon involved, he was working to stop it. and yeah, by the time he realised it was already a bit too late, there were already some things out of his control (and also taliesin kept having the worst rolls against the whitestone corruption which was really fun on a meta level), which is how things got as bad as they did. but honestly, all things considered, there’s very little to criticise about the way percy handled himself in the briarwood arc.

and he keeps doing that, trying to get better. he struggles with it, he struggles a lot, against his anger issues, against all the trauma, against the fact that he really doesn’t want to be here and things would be so much easier if he were dead. but he recognises he holds grudges too easily, so he starts actively trying to forgive those who’ve wronged him (this is something he and vex have in common, and something they were working on together before they were together, which probably helped a lot in getting them to that point as well). he recognises he makes poor decisions when he’s angry, so he starts learning to step back in those moments and leave the decisions to someone else. he has never not owned up to his mistakes, he takes responsibility for everything he’s done, and if he notices a problem he can’t solve himself, he asks for help.

and i find that fun to explore. like, percy’s been likened to hamlet in the actual show, and i was the kid who got super obsessed with hamlet when i was like 15 because i was in that same mental space of suicidal self hatred and existential melancholy but also thinking i was the smartest person in any given room and being too young to have gotten over the arrogance that makes you ignore everyone else’s needs for the sake of indulging your own problems. and then i got older and realised there are smarter ways to go about things, like having empathy and appreciating the light in the world and not being a dickhead to people because it makes you feel better, and maybe hamlet can be justified and in the wrong at the same time. and while there’s some stuff i won’t spoil for you, percy after ripley kills him is definitely starting to learn that, which you rarely see in the hamlet archetype, bc everyone’s like “ah yes so Deep so Important who cares what bad things this person did they had Trauma and are Clever”

well, percy cares about the bad things he did, and cares about not doing those anymore. so like, he’s still a disaster of a person bc he’s like 23 and no one has their life together at 23, especially not someone in percy’s situation, and honestly i find that fun to watch as well bc i like watching characters make stupid mistakes and do stuff i’d never approve of in real life, and as i mentioned at the start, taliesin makes captivating and funny characters. but yeah, that’s generally where percy’s at, most of the time

#would you believe me if i said this was the second shorter attempt at answering this ask?#i honestly tried to pare it down but this hit at least 6 or 7 separate essays in my head that all wanted to be included #and then i had to figure out how to combine them #my brain keeps giving me more things i should add but i think this is enough to be going on with for now 😂#but hey anyone who likes listening to me talk about percy know i can keep going #this is my word MINIMUM #(and it's still over 2k im so sorry)#but yeah hope this helped!#cr1 #percy de rolo #cr thoughts #text #meta #ask #megabees3

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c-is-for-circinate · 5 years ago

Text

Okay, by popular demand...

(This is not a fic. This is simply a set of highlights around the prologue/introduction of what would be a fic, if my brain worked and I could write and I actually wanted to bear the shame of having my first an only proper CritRole fic be a crossover with the Dragonriders of Pern.)

There are many, many ways Vox Machina could exist in the 2000+ years of Pern’s known history. This is what happens when Keyleth of High Reaches Weyr is born, the only daughter of Weyrwoman Vilya, rider of gold Aramenth, and Weyrleader K’rrin, rider of bronze Zephrath, in late fall of the year (or, as they say on Pern, fall of the turn) 998, precisely ten turns before the fifth Pass of the Red Star is expected to send Thread down across the planet for five decades to come.

In 1004, there are four turns to go until Thread is due to fall again, and it feels like forever.

In the deep tropical heat of Ista Island, Vex and Vax sneak through the deep undergrowth that’s been allowed to spring up in the past two centuries, hide in the tiny narrow places where only a pair of skinny agile little eleven-turn-olds could could go. They giggle together, and Vex finds the wild redfruit trees and overgrown berry patches, and they sneak back to their mother grinning and covered in dirt and sticky fruit juice at the end of every day. That’s how the look on the day they steal out of the jungle to find an enormous bronze dragon sprawled on the hard-packed dirt around the cothold, and a tall, imposing man they barely recognize talking to their mother in the doorway. His frown gets even deeper when his eyes settle on them. “I’ll speak to the Lord Holder about seeing that greenery is cleared soon,” the man, who’s bronzerider S’dor, who’s their father, says. “It’s a hazard that close to a hold, during a Fall.” “It’s not dangerous!” Vax protests, and Vex looks longingly and desperately at their little patch of beloved jungle, and their mother says, “now, children,” and the man who they’ve seen every handful of turns for all their life so far who is their father says, “Elaina, you can’t pretend this isn’t their best chance to become something that matters.” “How do you know they’ll be any good for your dragons at all, if you disapprove so much?” their mother asks quietly, and their father smiles smugly, proudly, and says, “They’re my children. The dragons will take to them.”

In the high, windy northern peaks of High Reaches Weyr, in the middle of nowhere at the top of the world, Keyleth stands on top of the ridge surrounding the great Weyr bowl, on top of the Eye Rock with her arms raised up to the sky, and closes her eyes, and imagines she can fly. She is not quite six yet, and strong arms catch her easily as she leaps down from the Star Stones, before she can crash and fall. Her mother chuckles in her ear, and her mother’s dragon chuckles in her head, just as it’s been for her entire life, just as it must always, always be.

In 1005, there are three turns to go, and it feels like the shadows are lurking right around every door, nipping at every heel, hurry-up, hurry-up-get-ready, hurry-up-hurry-up-before-it-goes.

In the tiny little Healercraft cothold outpost a day’s walk out from Telgar Hold, on the edge of the great grassy plains that blanket the middle of the continent, Pike waits for her grandfather to get home with her lip bitten between her teeth and her heart in her throat. There have been bandits on these plains as long as she can remember--as long as Wilhand can remember, as long as anyone can remember. What are they going to do when the empty sky opens up and they aren’t safe any more? Pike is fifteen and alone, and she re-labels every pot of numbweed and vial of felis in their stores, and cooks much too much for dinner for even the two of them, and eats almost none of it, and lingers too long packing up the rest to store, and waits, and waits, and-- “Hey, this the one?” asks a deep, rumbling voice she’s never heard before, and there’s a scuffle by the door. Pike goes to answer it with a bread knife in hand almost as long as her forearm and finds the tallest, broadest boy she’s ever seen, carrying her bloodied grandfather in one arm. “What did you do to him?” Pike demands. She barely comes up to this boy’s chest, but that just means she’s at good stabbing height for the softer things farther down, and she’s spent half her life learning every detail from her grandfather to tell her what those soft things are. “Nothing!” the boy protests. “Nothing, I swear it.” He’s lying, Pike thinks, but there are bruises across his face and he’s slurring his words, and Wilhand is waving weakly at her to put the knife down, and the night is closing in cold and fast. “Well you can’t stay out there,” she says, and sweeps them both inside as if Thread’s due in a few hours instead of a few turns.

In the warm, safe halls of High Reaches Hold, surrounded by fur and velvet and wood and thick, safe stone walls, Percy lays on his stomach under a table in the Lord Holder’s private library, surrounded by scrolls and hides and actual bound-paper books, and reads, and listens, and learns. He is nine, and that is more than old enough to eavesdrop on “Well, if it’s too dangerous even to travel, we’ll never get the younger ones fostered out when they’re old enough,” and lay out his maps of Pern, and plan. The Smithcraft Hall will be too far to travel overland when Thread starts, if they wait for him to be old enough to apprentice ordinarily. This safety isn’t forever. They’ll need to take advantage of what they have while they can.

In 1006, there are two turns to go, and nothing will stay still, not people or dragons or time, not anything.

“Scanlan...” says the Masterharper, exhausted and despairing and not moved one whit by Scanlan’s broad grin. “Fine. You’re too good a Harper not to promote you and too terrible an apprentice to let you stay around here and corrupt the younger ones. You’re a journeyman now. Go...go journey. Somewhere. Anywhere.” “Anywhere?” Scanlan asks, glint of mischief and joy in his eyes. The Masterharper sighs. “I will make two requests of you, Scanlan, just two,” he says. “The records all say we have less than two turns of freedom before the Falls start up again, and while the Lord Holders and the Weyrs have been hard at work for a decade making sure the larger holds and crafthalls are ready, the First Dragon only knows what it’s like in the smaller cotholds they’re sure to have lost track of. When you inevitably slide your way into those little holds, can you please make sure they’re keeping to the Teaching Ballads and understand their duty?” “Secondly, can you check in, just, half a dozen times a Turn, at least, please?” he asks. “Whenever you come to a Hold or Crafthall large enough to host an actual, stationary Harper, can you send word that you haven’t died terribly in a ditch somewhere?” He pauses, and then adds, “Or if you have died terribly in a ditch somewhere, so we can at least warn others away from the ditch?” “Your wish is my command, oh Masterharper-of-mine,” Scanlan agrees grandly. “After all, it’s only my duty as a Harper.” He doesn’t bother to wait for further instruction; the Masterharper knows better than to waste his time giving it. Scanlan already knows where he’s headed. There’s a tiny band of traders heading out of Fort this afternoon, too small for anyone as grand and self-important as a Craftsmaster to pay attention to. Dranzel will be happy to have a Harper along to do a bit of tuning on the road.

“No,” Vax says, and only that, only no, and Vex grabs his wrist and his hand and tries not to cry. Their mother’s cothold and half the jungle around is scorched bare, a clear line of sight cut down straight to the coast and the little cove where the pirates left trash and bodies when they took lives and everything else worth taking. It must have been so much easier to notice the little settlement from the water, with all the greenery so obediently slashed back. “We’re done,” Vax says, “I’m done, we’re done with dragonmen, they let this--” “No,” Vex says, now, pulling all her grief and horror and despair and fear and fury into a tight, tiny little ball right in the center of her chest, small enough to carry. He’s right, but it’s the middle of winter, a month before Turn’s End, and they might have the skills to get by on Ista Island for the three days it took a dragon to find them again, but not up north, not right now. He’s right but they’re thirteen, and Vex only knows so much about surviving away from people, and Vax doesn’t know anything at all besides theft and stealth and secrecy. He’s right, but Thread is due in two turns, maybe one, a turn and a half, who knows? It will scorch them down to the bone, as dead as Mother, if they’re caught out in it. It will scorch holds and fields just like this one if there aren’t dragonriders to fly it. “One more clutch,” Vex says. Weyrwoman Tirelda’s gold is due to fly any day now. It’ll be spring, by the time the eggs hatch and she and Vax are rejected again. It’ll be warm enough to go north. They’ll be fourteen by then. “Just one more.”

#C writes stuff #CR ficthing #sometimes there are dragons #this probably makes zero sense if you don't know Pern #I did post a primer for that!#(those who're adept at Pern and Pern timelines might have a suspicion about what happens next)#Me picking dates on purpose to address one of the most interesting and under-addressed periods #in Pernese history #using characters from a bunch of nerdy-ass voice actors' D&D game?#it's more likely than you think #this may in fact be quite comprehensible if you don't know CR #come to think of it #dragonriders of Pern #of course there's more to come #of course I know the next ten to fifteen turns of this story

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watchingcr · 5 years ago

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I had things to say about the characters, is in order but don’t think it means I dislike anyone! Also under read more becuase though I don’t think is super long not everyone may want to read the ramblings

1- Keyleth of the Air Ashari- I loved her from her first “oh hello” and will love her forever. I loved seeing her journey, from this wide eyed, insecure, girl who was given a lot of responsibility without much guidance before hand, living with the question of what happened to her mother, in a way also living under the shadow of the memory of her, she doubted herself so much as a leader, but she also tried to see the good in things and be excited about life, and so very empathetic. She became the leader of her people, a hero to many she is still a bit awkward and has insecurities but who hasn’t she now knows though that she has people behind her. she grew up so much and her end of her story for now is so bittersweet.

2-Percival Fredrickstein Von Musel Klowoski de Rolo the III-It was out of memory so sorry if it’s wrong. Percy wasn’t one that I liked right away, I didn’t dislike him i just didn’t mind him but he won me over fast enough. He could be a terrible person let’s say it but through it all he actually became a better person.

3- Vax- This dumb rogue... I have to say, he was painted as a sad, broody guy and he was at a time but, like... at the start of the campain he was full of life and at a prank war with Grog and just being a shit, it wasn’t until things started to get darker that he was contemplating his own choices and then dragons attacked and then he bind himself to the Raven Queen to save his sister (plus what Liam was going through and honestly, playing a happy guy when you aren’t feeling it, if it was a normal acting thing sure, but here? is good he worked through those times through Vax too) then he was happy again and then he died so yeah. Anyway I always liked him but I did side eyed him when I started to see he had a crush on Keyleth lol but he loved her so much. That was a thing with Vax he loved so much, his sister, his friends, kiki, and he loved so stronly, he was reckless and didn’t think things through but never to try to do harm...I’m starting to cry I’m still not over things so,

4- Pike!- The most badass angel of Sarenrae, I wish Ashley had been around more but is understandable why she wasn’t. A mix of being so loving and caring but also she was always up to a good fight, like she wasn’t all cute, just ask Scanlan after he came back, she had her tough side.

5- Grog- He went up an down on me for a while but I think it was after the fight with his uncle, that it was kept consistent.He was deadly and all about fighting but also could be so innocent and he truly loved all his friend (especially his best buddie Pike) like the insights she gave Keyleth about Raishan, how he acted after Scanlan died, the res ritual, Vax’s ritual..I can go on, Or after percy’s death he was keeping everyone on focus and being strong

6- Taryon Darrington- Whaat? I know i was surprised too. I hated him at the start and yeah part of it comes from the contrast of everything with Scanlan and then he comes and is terrible, but the more we got to know him and he realised he didn’t have to be so extra all the time, he was a lovely guy. He changed so much and brought change to his family too

7- Scanlan- This gnome, perfecting the put up a face so they don’t see the real you charade and he did it so well. He went from not caring about much at all to actually wanting to be a good be a good father, to actually be a better person, to trust others. HIs relationship with Pike also matured very much and showed he really cared for her

8- Vex- She had so many insecurities from living with the elves and seeing how not only left those behind but started to let other people in besides her brother was so great to see. she is so strong and would do anything for those that she loves

#critical role #c watches c1

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vohalika · 5 years ago

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Death Does Not Become You

I’m going to do something very off-brand here and say nice things about Vax’s appearance at the wedding now.

Like, I stand by everything I said yesterday, that it went on for too long and I don’t like how it was timed in a way that overshadowed the truly wonderful vows that should have been the emotional climax here. I understand that in the moment, Sam probably couldn’t have thought of a better moment to do it, and Liam had something specific he was going for, but that doesn’t change the fact that we’ll all be seeing and hearing more about what those two did here than about the actual main event that this entire oneshot was supposed to be about.

Sound familiar?

All of that still stands. And yet, I have positive things to say about this, actually. And am adding to the problem by doing that instead of writing about how wonderful Percy, Vex, and their vows were, woohoo. Ahem.

So this might be, as @pagerunner-j put it, petty, but I too appreciate that Liam leaned into the creepy and the mushrooms and the ghost voice. He went on for a little too long, and oh my god this creepiness is definitely not the kind of shit you should pull out at a wedding, but that’s more on Scanlan’s poor timing than on Vax’s portrayal for a change.

I have never been a fan of how Vax just walked quietly into that good night, instead of even giving his friends, like, an opportunity to use their abilities and pull with a few gods to even try to save his life. The defeatist attitude, the just giving up on life, hit a nerve with me for personal reasons in more ways than one. And after hearing Liam and Brian talk about how happy endings are boring and tragedy means something, I’ve come to the conclusion that this is a partially generationally caused divide in regards to what we feel makes for a good story.

I just believe there is more value in earning your good ending and actually living to enjoy it, Matthew. How dare you. I dressed for a wedding, not a fourth death of my fave.

But what annoys me even more than Liam’s perfectly valid decision on how to end his character’s story which is up to him and I don’t have to like it and all, is how horny the fandom seems for tragedy porn. That’s also my main complaint about Liev’tel, who was built to milk everything she could out of the (self-inflicted) tragedy of Vax’s death. And why I was so happy to see Derrig, who only tried to do that once and it was awkward and kind of funny in a way and subdued.

But as soon as the wedding announcement happened, you couldn’t turn around in fandom spaces without bumping on someone’s hot take about how tragic it was that Vax wasn’t there and how devastated Vex would be and Keyleth because she’ll never get a wedding (for the entire millenium she’s gonna live, god dammit you guys) and let’s name twin babies after him and how can anything ever not be about that Vax died young and tragic you guys?

As Percy said in his vows, it’s really easy and really common to romanticize the darkness, and this fandom could teach master classes on it.

So what I truly, honestly appreciate about Vax’s appearance and Liam’s portrayal of it is how completely and utterly divorced it was from romanticizing death. The words he said had a tendency towards that, sure, but how he said them (��Stop being weird! Talk normal!”) and the associated body horror?

That’s not pretty. That’s properly disturbing. And as @lindira put it, probably caused more harm than good for the other characters on the long run.

Liam didn’t shy away from portraying how death would change a person, mushrooms growing from you and all. Vax has been dead for longer than the rest of the party combined, and it did his immortal soul no good. And all the body horror elements line up well with the oddities that already came with dead man walking Revenant!Vax in the last episodes of campaign 1. The occasional creepy scene got overshadowed by our larger shared narrative about the tragic pretty boy who died young and beautifully, and I appreciate that Liam reminded us that there’s nothing pretty about any of this.

Partially because it put a cost to death, something everyone has tried to convey one way or the other, but the narrative needed to move on and we’ve never really given it the appreciation we should have. For example, to this day people consider Broomgate to be a result of greed and not of Vex working through her first death which went largely ignored in favor of Vax’s pain about it. I’m not bitter, your bitter.

So I appreciate going for creepy to taint the romanticism of death here. I appreciate adding the gross to the beautiful tragedy. It felt more real to me, and less about milking the sadness for all it was worth.

I also, like Page in the post I linked in the beginning, take some petty validation out of how this appearance is probably going to affect future depictions of post-death Vax in fanworks. Or in the words of my very good friend @returnofismasm:

#critical role #critical role wedding #vows machina #vex and percy get hitched #I really feel like writing more about this #about Vex and her grief #which I wrote a fanfiction about that's not even inaccurate #I got gender and half of the name of the kid right #omg #excuse me I am now very happy

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critter-genfic-events · 27 days ago

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Gen Fics with Reunions

It's nice to be able to get the folks back together. This time, we've got eight fics that feature reunions - parents, siblings, and long lost friends. Check them out beneath the cut, and as always - comment or kudos if you like them!

Laudna and Bella catch up 20 some odd years later after a chance encounter at a casino in Kymal.

Old Friends and New by AstoriaColumnStaircase (4133,General)

Warnings: None

Pairings: Laudna & Bella, Laudna/Imogen Temult

Reccer says: It's a fun look at a future version of Bella, and it's cathartic to think about Laudna being able to interact with that part of her unlife without pain.

Someone had opened a portal in the tree.

A Long Awaited Reunion by Settai (520,Teen)

Warnings: None

Pairings: Keyleth & Vilya

Reccer says: Oh my entire heart - this is the fic I wanted to read after watching that episode

A few years after faking his own death, Essek runs into someone he used to know by chance in Uthodurn - A certain someone who had supposedly died his last death in Bazzoxan a few decades before.

No One by That Name Lives Here Anymore by Operafloozy (13138,Teen)

Warnings: None

Pairings: Essek Thelyss & his father, Essek Thelyss/Caleb Widogast

Reccer says: Operafloozy is great at dysfunctional family interactions, and this is a really uncomfortable but extremely human.

Her son returns with a new set of friends after months away, notably missing a handsome blue-skinned bard with a shy smile and a loving gaze who never took his eyes off of Orym, and Alma is a mother after all, and a mother has a way of knowing things.

I'm on the mend, but I lost a friend by Multifandom_damnation (1713,General)

Warnings:

Pairings: Orym & Alma (his mother)

Reccer says: Extremely sweet, with background Dorym

Vox Machina aid the gods and rescue one of their own.

I've Held You in the Plan by CitizenMocha (4015,Teen)

Warnings: None

Pairings: Vax & Vex

Reccer says: I liked it

The night after the demon fight and the reunion of the day after.

don’t fall into darkness by CymbirrEsra (3667,Teen)

Warnings: graphic depictions of violence

Pairings: Orym & Baernie

Reccer says: extremely sweet

Verin goes looking for Essek after Essek fakes his death.

dreaming with my eyes open by breitweisergallery (4414,Teen)

Warnings: Brief Suicidal Ideation

Pairings: Essek Thelyss & Verin Thelyss, Essek Thelyss/Caleb Widogast

Reccer says: I liked it

Three hundred years after the Red Solstice, a much-changed Deirta Thelyss seeks out her son for the first time in centuries and finds herself greeted by an unfamiliar face: Essek's current partner. It's an unexpected turn of events and Essek is must-changed himself, when he arrives, but perhaps there is a chance at healing left for the two of them.

looking for the meaning of life by quinn_of_aebradore (15281,Teen)

Warnings: Implied character death (due to happening far in the future)

Pairings: Deirta Thelyss & Essek Thelyss, Essek Thelyss/OMC

Reccer says: It allows Deirta and Essek to both be complicated and change, which I enjoy!

This is one of our weekly communally-generated gen rec lists. Every week we announce a new theme and allow anyone to submit a fic recommendation. Please note that the summary and content notes are provided by the reccer, and may be different than what the author has provided. Please assume good intentions all around. <3

And hey, anyone includes you!

For February 1st, we'll be featuring Nott the Brave (or Veth Brenatto!). Goblin, Halfling, Mom, Adventurer, Alcoholic and someone who rocks a catsuit - she's got a lot going on.

Any fics coming to mind? Well, then use this form to submit!

And we'll be following that up with:

February 15: Sendings

March 1: Fearne

March 15: Road Trips

If you're looking for some more, check out some fics written in the critter genfic bingo tag, or the older rec lists! Or you can request your own card and join in on the fun!

#critical role #critter genfic rec lists #gen fic #vax'ildan #vex'halia #keyleth of the air ashari #vilya of the air ashari #essek thelyss #deirta thelyss #verin thelyss #orym of the air ashari #Baernie #Alma of the air ashari

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mollymauk-teafleak · 5 years ago

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Black Coffee (part four)

Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3

If you like this, please please please consider reblogging, leaving a comment on Ao3 or even donating to my Ko-Fi

~~~~~~~~~~

Every single time, Vax told himself he was an idiot.

Every time he caught himself staring at Percy’s smile. Every time he’d replay his laughter over and over again in his head as he fell asleep because the sound soothed him so much. Every time he’d sleep over and find himself wearing one of Percy’s shirts in the confusion of gathering up their widely scattered clothes, only to curl up into it tighter, pulling it over the lower half of his face and inhaling deeply, feeling something inside himself unwind at the smell of Percy.

Each and every time, he’d think to himself afterwards: Vax’ildan, you are an idiot.

He told himself it was pointless. He told himself it was a ridiculous infatuation that was only going to get worse the more he indulged it. He cursed himself for a moony eyed teenager, he cursed his blind, ridiculous heart, he cursed his piss poor judgement in growing a silly crush on someone who saw him as a friend at best, a way to indulge a kink at worst and most likely.

But those moments didn’t stop coming. So he remained an idiot.

Another week, another email.

Percy tapped his fingers against the keys, enough to make an irritating noise but not enough to actually make words appear on the screen, as if the right thing to say would just come passively if he made the night motions.

The first part of the email had been easy, congratulating Cassandra on getting through her finals, encouraging her with her upcoming dissertation and exhibition, promising he’d fly out and come to opening night.

The second part was where he got stuck, as soon as he was required to talk about himself. He knew Cassandra would have absolutely no interest in the company, how the profit margins were doing, any reshuffling of the board. Percy was supposed to be the figurehead of all that and even he barely managed to care. He knew she’d at least feign polite interest in the new rotary motors he’d designed but there was only so much he could say about those without attaching blueprints to his response.

And he still felt a panic attack coming on whenever he thought about even trying to tell her about Vax.

At least he had Keyleth to talk to about that. He was getting better at being more open with her, probably thanks to Vax himself. Yet another thing he owed him.

Just yesterday she’d come over for dinner (a dinner that consisted of food from their respective favourite takeaways, he’d never learned how to cook) and Percy had found himself talking for hours about things Vax had said, date ideas that had been his that Percy never would even have dreamed of doing but had enjoyed immensely. Even Vax’s sister had gotten a mention and he’d grinned to see Keyleth’s ears quite literally pick up and her eyes brighten. He quietly resolved to find out if Vex’ahlia was single.

But there were things he couldn’t even tell his best friend or his sister. Things he was still struggling to admit to himself or even give form to inside his own head.

The idea that maybe he was starting to feel differently about Vax. That as fun and exhilarating as the sex and honeymoon dates were, things were changing below the surface.

Percy shifted uncomfortably in his chair, fingers itching to take him back to the dog adoption websites he’d been obsessively browsing lately. But Cassandra had been waiting two days for a reply now and he’d be damned if she was going to beat him at correspondence.

He tapped out a brief reply, one sentence to say work was fine and he was building new stuff, as always then launched into more praise for her recent art pieces she’d put on Instagram. Much safer brotherly territory.

But then there was the last part of her email. The one his brain had desperately tried to slide right off of but had become embedded inside him like a bee sting.

So, I saw the anniversary is coming up next week. I hate calling it an anniversary but you know, there’s no good word for it. I know it’s hard so call me if you want to, okay? Or go to the charity gala, one of us probably should. Just don’t be alone. Promise, Percy.

Of course he’d forgotten, if there was such a thing as wilfully forgetting something. The gala was organised without any input from him, it was a company thing, the purview of their non-profit division. People at work had long ago learned not to bring anything even tangentially connected to the anniversary (Cassie was right, there really was no other word for it) to their boss’ attention.

No doubt the invitation would appear on his assistant’s desk in the next day or so, ready for its annual frosty ignoring before being consigned to the shredder the second the date inscribed on it had passed.

But if Percy was completely honest with himself, as rare as that occasion was, he really didn’t want to face that day alone. He didn’t want to bear it in his usual way. Not that he ever had wanted to get through it by finding a bar and drinking until he passed out but he’d always just sort of sunken into that.

And Cassandra knew it. Hell, she’d been the one who’d had to take a red eye flight to the city and sit by him in the hospital as he’d recovered from getting his stomach pumped last year.

The look on her face when he’d finally woken up and broken down into wracking sobs wasn’t something he ever wanted to see on his baby sister’s face ever again. He wasn’t going to be responsible for adding to her pain ever again.

He finished his email with a single sentence, no context, no other acknowledgement of the hot coals they were both trying to dance around.

I promise, Cassie.

“Holy fuck…I don’t think I have anything that fancy, Freddy,” Vax yelped but he was grinning, excitement already lighting up his face.

Percy smiles, reaching over and tucking Vax’s hair behind his ears, he remembered him saying it annoyed him when it was in his face, “I’ll take you shopping. But wait until you’ve actually been to one of these parties before you thank me for the invite, they’re painfully boring.”

“Probably to you!” Vax maintained his dreamy eyed excitement as he swept his shirt over his head, “I’m gonna drink fancy wine and admire fancy dresses and dance to fancy music. I’ll finally get to use the waltz moves I know.”

“I look forward to seeing them,” Percy let his jeans fall to the floor, “I’ll admit, it might actually be worth my time if you’re with me.”

Vax grins, wiggling out of his boxers, “Freddy, if you need someone to show you that getting drunk in the name of charity can be fun, I’m your man.”

“You are,” Percy’s demeanour became hungry, grinning crookedly as he pulled the now naked Vax against him, spinning him into the shower and under the warm spray of water. The half elf was giggling, legs anchoring around his hips, by the time Percy kissed him up against the tile wall.

It was so easy to smile and laugh and make jokes when he was kissing Vax. It was so easy to forget.

“The car will be here in half an hour,” Percy called out, walking into the living room as he fiddled with his cufflinks. He’d never gotten the hang of these things.

A memory rose up in the back of his mind, unasked for, unbidden. His own hands, awkward and spindly with youth, struggling with a set of cufflinks. Stronger hands, wearing the signet ring that Percy now saw on his own hand every morning, covering his own and guiding them.

Here, son, let me. It takes some getting used to.

Percy cursed as one slipped out of his fingers and hit the hardwood with a sharp crack that rang louder than it actually had been in his ears. The black stone in it fractured, a hairline break down the middle. It must have landed in just the wrong way.

“Whoops,” Vax was suddenly there, scooping up the little shining piece of silver, “Here we go.”

“It’s broken…” Percy frowned, half his brain still somewhere else.

“Not all that much,” Vax reassured him, taking his hand gently and fixing it into place, “It’s still good, see?”

Percy managed a thin smile. It was hard not to smile, seeing Vax all dressed up.

They hadn’t found anything that suited Vax at the place Percy went to get his suits, they’d both agreed everything there was a little too stuffy for his tastes. Instead, they’d turned to Mollymauk Tealeaf, who took the black dress Vax had worn to the ballet and an old suit of Percy’s and made something spectacular.

It was a little bit of both, a black, clinging suit of silken material that flowed down his body as a stunning waterfall of inky fabric, affixed at his wrists to make something not unlike wings. It rippled when he moved and caught the light in the most beautiful ways and made Percy’s mouth a little dry.

It was going to cause a stir, Percy knew with a satisfied smile. It was his name on the silverware, after all.

“You look beautiful,” Percy leaned in and kissed him, quickly so as not to pick up any of his black lipstick. There would be plenty of time to get it in all manner of scandalous places after the party.

“You’re a charmer,” Vax purred, straightening his jacket lapels, “Half an hour, you said?”

Percy could see where his mind was going and he dearly wanted to follow him down that train of thought but he knew letting Vax go into this blind would be a bad idea. So he sighed and gave a little shake of his head.

“Just so you know, love? This night…it’s for the charity that was set up in my parents’ name after they died. Like a memorial thing? So if people treat me weird tonight, that’s why.”

Vax blinked, understandably a little rattled by that, “Oh…right…”

“Sorry,” Percy winced, he couldn’t pretend to be surprised, “That’s a lot to take in at once…”

“Maybe a little,” Vax admitted, hands resting on Percy’s chest, “But…I get it’s a difficult thing to put into words. Thanks for letting me know though, I could see myself putting my foot right in it.”

Percy let himself relax a little into Vax’s contact, safe in the knowledge he’d keep him upright, “All I need from you tonight is to do the exact opposite of what everyone else is probably going to do and not treat me weird. Just…dance with me, let’s make a few people whisper and if you could remind me that I’ve got some pretty amazing sex waiting for me if I make it through tonight, I’d appreciate that.”

Vax smiled and kissed his cheek, “I can absolutely do that.”

“Oh,” Percy hesitates, another wince in his expression, “And don’t let me drink?”

Vax sensed a strong undercurrent of ‘do not ask’ under that so he just smiled and nodded, squeezing Percy’s arm.

“Hey, it’s going to be okay, Freddy. I’ll be with you.”

The party was held in a manor house a little ways out of the city, a place that seemed to have been built purely for ridiculously grand parties like this one. The whole exterior was illuminated by soft dancing lights, making the high stone walls, the flowers in the garden, the couples that filed in all look vaguely angelic and otherworldly.

Vax gawked and stared shamelessly as they moved into this other dimension of cream and silk and champagne. Flower garlands grew up the walls and spread curious fingers across the floor, actually growing if you looked for long enough, filling the room with a fresh, clean scent. Glasses were pressed on them as soon as they entered, full of a wine that actually changed as you sipped it, moving along a spectrum of fruit flavours.

Percy politely waved his on.

There was an upper mezzanine with tables, clearly where the food would be served, but the whole lower floor was kept free for dancing and mingling, what most of the guests were actually here to do. Already groups were forming and breaking up in smooth succession, like leaves borne on an unseen current, snagging and being swept on. The rhythm of it all was odd when seen from above, like a sort of dance.

“I do not belong here,” Vax laughed delightedly, leaning against the balcony.

“Count yourself lucky then,” Percy smirks, straightening his glasses, “Looks like I put on a pretty good party, huh?”

“And all without looking,” Vax chuckled, “Very well done, Mr de Rolo.”

Percy puts his hand on Vax’s, “Well, it’ll raise some money at least. Rich people get really generous when they drink.”

Vax took another drink, tasting tart plum this time. He let his eyes rove over the dance floor below, still finding interesting little finishes he hadn’t noticed yet. The way the candles hovered under some spell, somehow knowing where they were needed, following the larger knots of people. The troupe of musicians, sporting everything from sleek Marquetian guitars to elaborate stringed affairs from the Menagerie Coast, whose music could be turned up or down in any listener’s ears as they wished. There were bowls of iced fruit glistening on an array of tables, the perfect thing to snack on when you knew you had a banquet in an hour. No one was dancing yet, the party still being in its fledgling stages but Vax already had a mind of change that. The people here seemed older, the ones here to network rather than relax, but maybe even they could be convinced if they had a good enough example. Vax saw mostly humans though there were a few with the easy, self-confident air of the Aasimar and, of course, the only other race who could look even more self-possessed-

“Shit,” Vax choked out, suddenly drawing back as if he’d been sprayed with scalding water.

Percy turned, suddenly alert, “What? What’s wrong?”

Ashy with shock, eyes roving for the exits and well aware it was too late to pretend the answer was nothing, Vax mumbled, “I didn’t know Syldor Vessar would be here.”

Percy frowned, “I…yeah, he often comes to things like this…I think my father worked with him on a few projects in the past…Vax, what’s the problem?”

“Nothing,” Vax insisted weakly, “Well, no. I mean. He’s my father.”

Percy’s eyes widened behind his glasses. Vax knew he was suddenly seeing matching features, commonalities, making sense of the distinct point to his ears.

“I’m sorry,” he said softly, “I didn’t know.”

“I didn’t tell you, how could you know?”

Vax was instinctively moving away, acting like a cornered animal, backing up in a secluded alcove. All of the delicately bouncing candles within a five meter radius fled in a heartbeat.

Percy followed, suddenly standing protectively, making himself a shield, “I can have a car here in five minutes, are you okay until then? Or we can just go, we’ll walk a little…”

“No, no…” Vax said quickly, biting his lip, “No, sorry. It was just a shock. I haven’t seen him in a while.”

Though it was clear some of the pieces were already in place, Percy asked haltingly, “Was it not…”

Vax pulled a face, “He doesn’t like that I’m trans. He doesn’t like a lot about me, really. And I hate a lot about him. So me and Vex left.”

Anger flashed across Percy’s face, brief but intense, “He what?”

Vax gave a short sigh, “Freddy, three quarters of the people here would probably think he was right. Please don’t go punch him. It won’t win you any friends.”

The anger collapsed under the weight of discomfort, “Oh. I wasn’t going to…”

“Sorry,” Vax shook his head like he was shaking sense into himself, “Sorry, I didn’t mean to snap. Seriously, I’m fine. This is your night, I’m here for you.”

“Vax’ildan…”

Vax had his mind made up. It was clear since he’d admitted what this party was for that Percy had taken a long, long time to convince himself to go. He needed to be here, he needed to honour his parents in some small way, even if it was just for an hour. Vax wouldn’t be the reason he caved.

“Seriously, Freddy, it’s fine. The party’s big enough that we can avoid him and even if we do need to say a five second hello…well, fuck, it’s going to actually be fun for him to see me on the arm of someone whose twice as rich as he is. Just don’t tell him I’m technically on the job.”

Percy still looked like he would protest, for honour’s sake, but he let it go and gave a little smile, “You’re not on the job, Vax, not tonight. At least, it doesn’t feel like it. I’m glad you’re here just as my friend.”

Vax swallowed, a feeling he was irritatingly familiar with making its presence known.

Vax’ildan, you’re an idiot.

The party went smoothly for a while.

It was fun, Vax realised, like play acting. Like they’d all raided a parent’s closet for odds and ends, mismatched bits and pieces, makeup that they only had the vaguest idea of how to use but were all having enormous fun enacting scenes from an elaborately illustrated fairy story. They were all aware of the absurdity of it, underneath, but it paled in comparison to the entertainment value.

Vax was reminded of the times he and Molly had gleefully wasted hours in the costume storage rooms of the community theatre, trying on coats that didn’t fit them, hats that were ridiculously small, anything with an excessive amount of beads or sequins, laughing until it hurt.

Quickly and easily, Vax lost himself in the performance of it all. He perched happily on Percy’s arm, always making sure he had a glass at least half full in his hand with which to gesture, listening to the conversations they were pulled into like asteroids being snatched up in the orbits of various planets. They were like a foreign language, talking about places and people he’d never heard of and had to force himself not to laugh out loud at, they seemed so odd. Fortunately, though he hid it much better thanks to years of practise, Percy seemed just as bewildered as Vax did by most of it.

Every so often, he’d interject something, a sprightly little comment or joke, more often than not to save Percy when he’s clearly ran out of things to say. Each new group would look surprised the first time, like they’d assumed he couldn’t talk, like he’d been presumed to be Percy’s handbag or something. But then they’d laugh, either out of politeness or genuine amusement, Vax didn’t care. It was the relieved, grateful little glances from Percy that he cared about.

There were awkward moments, of course, whenever someone he recognised from his and Vex’s years of incarceration with Syldor appeared in that moment’s huddle of listeners. He could see the hesitation on their face every time, the shock, the clear attempt to guess whether the situation had changed, the rumours had been incorrect and he was back in his father’s good graces.

But if any of them had chanced to notice that, despite the undeniable pressure of natural social graces, Syldor and Vax’ildan never ended up in the same circles, they would have had their answer.

There was a moment, in the lull between songs where the chatter seemed to press in a little louder, where Vax had been admiring the flowers again, trying to see if their colours were magical or a feature of the plant itself. His eyes must have slid the wrong way at the wrong time because suddenly he was making direct eye contact with Syldor from across the room. And those eyes were filled with a stunned, scandalised anger.

The part of Vax that was and probably always would be the terrified young teenager who’d lived in fear of those eyes, that look, recoiled in panic. But there was more to him now, a stronger, surer part that simply smiled and squeezed Percy’s arm, prompting him to lean over and kiss his cheek softly. What Syldor’s face did after he saw that, Vax didn’t know.

He didn’t look back.

As if the night couldn’t be more full of surprises, Vax found that his shy, mechanically minded wallflower was a superb dancer.

“You’re a natural!” Vax laughed in delight as they moved in perfect time with the delicate waltz filling the space.

Percy blushed, as Vax knew he would, “I took lessons when I was younger, under threat of having my controllers taken away. All of my siblings did but I think they acquiesced much easier than I did.”

All of your siblings? Vax kept his face very deliberately unchanged.

“The world of dance doesn’t know what it’s lost,” he said confidently, moving through easy, rolling steps around the space. Not many other couples were dancing so they had practically the whole floor.

“Maybe I’m trying extra hard just to keep up with you,” Percy pointed out, tilting his head.

“Ballroom isn’t my thing,” Vax shook his head, “You’ve just got some serious natural talent.”

“Shut up,” Percy laughed coyly but at the very next turn he suddenly dipped Vax low, expertly, in perfect time with the music.

Vax would have kissed him fiercely if he hadn’t been worried any distraction would end with him in a heap on the floor.

Once righted, instead of moving back into hold, Percy paused, taking Vax’s hands in his own, “I...I didn’t think it was possible for me to actually enjoy this night. And I actually kind of have. Or at least, I’ve been able to distract myself enough to…” he flushed bright red, “Anyway. I’m rambling. Thank you, is what I’m trying to say.”

Vax smiled softly, “Don’t mention it, Percy. Seriously, don’t, it looks like you might pull a muscle if you keep trying to.”

Percy snorted at that, “See? This is why I love having you around.”

One of those odd moments followed, the ones where it really felt like someone should have been saying something. A cue had been missed, the progression had halted, empty space that wasn’t supposed to be empty suddenly hung between them.

Percy opened his mouth, looking like he was going to say something but part of him didn’t want to.

And that was when the music stopped, fading into silence in as classy a way as that could be done. Immediately, the people around them began moving back to the mezzanine, apparently all knowing that it was time for food and speeches. Vax felt like he’d missed a memo somewhere.

“Dare me to ask for tomato sauce with whatever fancy stuff they serve?” Vax turned back to Percy, grinning.

As soon as their eyes met, that grin died like a scrap of paper set alight, turned to nothing in half a heartbeat. Percy looked like he was about to throw up, paler even than he usually was, a rabbit suddenly caught in the headlights of a sixteen wheeler.

“Percy?” Vax was alarmed, squeezing his hand, “Percy, what’s wrong?”

There was a clear moment of hesitation, uncertainty, but something seemed to swerve to the left at the very last moment and he fixed a thin, unconvincing smile on his face, “Nothing. I’m hungry, let’s head up there.”

Vax frowned, not sure how he was being expected to believe that but then Percy was moving, taking his hand and leading him towards the stairs without another word. Hesitant to make a fuss, Vax sighed internally and didn’t resist. But he would definitely be bringing it up again on the ride home. Maybe Percy would be able to breathe a little better once it was just the two of them again.

They sat about as far back as they could physically manage without sitting on the floor. Vax was about to ask if they should move closer, surely if it was his company’s whole production, they’d want him visible? His surname was on the logo being projected up on the screen at the front, after all.

But he got the sense that hiding might be the whole point.

There was more fancy wine set out on the table, ones with names even longer than Percy’s. Vax eyed a glass thoughtfully but he had a pleasant, warm buzz going through his veins. Enough to make this party a damn sight more fun but not enough to risk him embarrassing himself. That was a comfortable place to be.

As he was looking, he saw Percy’s hand go out and draw a glass in, a quick, furtive gesture like he was hoping it wouldn’t be noticed.

Vax frowned. He was really getting his intelligence insulted tonight.

“Percy, you said you wouldn’t be drinking?”

Percy’s shoulders tensed, every inch the child caught with his hand in the cookie jar, “Just one with dinner. I’ll barely feel it.”

Vax paused, a bad feeling opening up inside him, “You asked me not to let you drink, Percy. There must have been a reason for that. I...I’d feel better if you didn’t.”

That brought Percy’s hand back to his side, if a little reluctantly, accompanied by a defeated sigh, “You’re right…”

Vax bit his lip, that bad feeling growing, “Percy, we don’t have to stay if something’s making you feel uncomfortable.”

He couldn’t read the expression that shifted across Percy’s face in that moment and before he could make any greater effort, the lighting in the room changed and everyone’s attention was politely turned to the front of the dining area, to the lectern before the screen.

An older human man settled there, bringing a neat set of cards from his inside pocket and clearing his throat in the manner of someone who was very comfortable with having about a hundred people listening to his every word.

“Well, firstly, an enormous thank you to all of you. Through your attendance and generosity, we have managed to raise an incredible amount of money to go towards the de Rolo Foundation, even more than in previous years. This money will undoubtedly be instrumental in ensuring those who lose their families to violence have support and care. I am certain the entire de Rolo family would be immensely proud.”

Beside Vax, Percy seemed to sink down lower in his seat as the eyes of everyone who actually knew who he was turned to him in that moment.

“What happened to the de Rolo family was nothing short of a tragedy,” the man continued, voice turning grave rather than celebratory, “Many of you who knew them still feel a strong sense of grief and outrage at how they were taken. Hopefully there is some comfort to be found in the fact that, through our actions here tonight, fewer will suffer as they and their remaining heirs did.”

A picture suddenly took up the screen behind him, replacing the Whitestone logo. Vax felt his chest tighten.

The first of the family in the picture that he recognised was of course Percy. He stood as stiff and aloof as the rest of the people around him who shared his facial features, though he was off to the side somewhat, certainly not the focus, part of the background dressing. There were nine of them, all dressed similarly in what had to be the colours of their family. An older woman and man who were of course the mother and father. The much younger Percy seemed to fall into the middle range of ages. More central was an older young man, placed right between the mother and father. Then a sister. Though they all looked incredibly similar, same angular faces, same hair, most of them wearing glasses, there were two who were identical enough that they had to be twins. That gave Vax a start. A couple of younger siblings too, barely into childhood.

It took him a long time to realise what was wrong, why something wasn’t quite right. And then it clicked, with another unpleasant lurch.

They all had brown hair. Brown as chestnuts, brown as chocolate, brown as mahogany.

And Vax had been picking white hairs off his dark clothing for as long as he and Percy had been an item.

“The loss of nearly the entire de Rolo family was a shock to us all,” the man continued, though his voice seemed further away to Vax, as lost as he was in the picture, “And even worse the years of turmoil that followed before their killers could be brought to justice. Of course we remember and acknowledge the bravery of Percival in his years of ensuring the truth came out and the company could return to his and his sister’s hands. Many thanks to young Percival.”

Vax couldn’t help it, he turned to Percy, confusion and shock on his face.

He wasn’t there. Both he and the bottle of wine from the centre of the table had disappeared.

Suddenly Vax realised everyone was looking at their table, expecting to see Percy as much as he had been, equally as surprised to be staring at an empty seat. There was a long, awkward silence where no one seemed quite sure of what to do.

After a moments carefully considered thought, Vax decided to get up and make a very swift exit.

Night had fallen when none of them had been looking, blissfully ignorant in the shrouds of both magically and mechanically generated lighting. But outside was fully within its arms; the air was chilly, too chilly for evening gowns, the sky was blacker than usual given they were a little outside the city and pierced through with starry pinpoints. The gardens that surrounded the manor had turned to silver and stone, what had been grown looking more like it had been carved or sculpted.

As anxious as he was to find Percy, Vax couldn’t help but feel some relief. He much preferred it out here to in there. In fact, it was only now that he realised he’d practically been holding his breath the entire evening.

He hitched up his skirts with one hand and hurried past flowerbeds and underneath overhead carpets of vine, listening for anything underneath the gentle but ever present trickle of water running somewhere unseen.

The water only seemed to grow louder as he went, naturally pulled into the epicentre of the garden. But underneath it, he managed to pick out a noise that could only be crying, acting as a perfect counterpoint to the rushing and babbling that already filled the space.

It made sense all in the same moment. An enormous fountain sat proudly in the little hidden courtyard that was revealed behind the shrubbery. It’s flow arched into the night sky where it came close to becoming pure moonlight before falling back down into the basin, ready to trace the path again like blood in an ornate, black iron body.

And slumped on the edge of it, sobbing softly with his tears hitting the gravel below like a tiny rainfall, was Percy.

As Vax watched, he groped for the bottle of wine that was resting haphazardly against his legs and drank deeply, an errant trickle running from the side of his lips though he didn’t seem to care. Only when the need for breath forced him to stop did the bottle return to it’s perfectly circular divot in the gravel, not half drained.

Vax lurched forward, forgetting that he’d wanted to make a more gentle entrance, “Percy, no…”

Percy jumped so badly it was a miracle he didn’t pitch backwards into the fountain. That probably would have soured things even more.

“Vax’ildan…”

Wanting desperately to hold him, touch him, fix this somehow but having no clue of how to go about it or if it would even be welcome, Vax just sat beside him on the cold, wet rim of the fountain, eyes wide and sad, “I’m here, Percy, it’s okay…”

“Vax, go back,” Percy croaked, turning his head as if it wasn’t too late to hide the tears, “You don’t have to...go back inside, enjoy yourself.”

“How could I enjoy myself without you?” Vax asked softly, reaching over and taking his hands.

Percy was quiet for a moment before the tears flooded back in with renewed strength, leaving him choking. Vax didn’t hesitate, taking him into his arms, letting him cling on as tight as he needed to. It was hard not to cry himself, listening to the agony that came pouring out like poison from a wound. It was so clear that years and years worth of pain had been locked inside him and were leaving him in one rush.

All he’d been missing had been someone to hold him, someone to tell him it was okay, someone who would say here, hold on to me, it will end.

How long had Percy been living without the reassurance that if he cried, someone would hear him?

It could have been a lifetime before the tears finally ran their course, Vax didn’t care. But eventually Percy was left choking on air rather than salt water, chest heaving as his body dragged in deep breaths to replace what he’d lost.

“Easy, nice and easy,” Vax encouraged, placing a hand on his back, “You’re okay.”

Percy seemed to be calming down for a few moments until his eyes bulged suddenly and he threw himself to the side, vomiting copiously into the fountain.

Vax winced, reaching over quickly to save his glasses that were about to slip off, “Yeah, we’re never getting invited back…”

“Good,” Percy panted weakly, managing to right himself, “This whole night was a mistake. I don��t know why I keep trying to make this day anything other than a fucking disaster.”

“Well...I think that might be reasonable,” Vax said placatingly, “Given what I’ve come to understand about this day…”

Percy hunched in on himself, guilt clear as day on his face, “I didn’t tell you. I’m sorry. It’s just...it’s so hard to say the words out loud…” This voice grew dangerously thick and fragile.

“Darling, I understand,” Vax murmured, hand making slow, comforting circles across his back, “I’ve been there.”

That caught his attention. Vax hesitated, ready to see the same pity and condolence he’d been seeing in everyone’s eyes for years, the kind that made him feel vaguely ill.

But it didn’t come. The two men looked at each other the way two people who had been blindly fighting their way through a storm would, when they suddenly reached the eye at the very centre and, in the silence, realised they hadn’t been as alone as they thought.

“Who?” Percy asked softly.

“Our mother.”

And just like that he could see her face again, he could hear her voice, feel her fingers combing through his hair. Vax’ildan had a strong, deep resentment of every single piece of his DNA that had come from Syldor bar one. Whichever piece had given him an elf’s exceedingly good memory. Otherwise, who knew how much of his mother he might have lost.

Percy’s hand took Vax’s, fingers threading together, holding on tight. Vax managed to smile, even if it was a little shaky.

Nothing else came of that but both knew it was okay.

“I...I just didn’t expect all that,” Percy finally admitted, sighing deeply, “I didn’t expect the speech about them, actually talking about what happened...but it was, um, the picture. I couldn’t take that.”

Vax nodded slowly, “Have you not…”

Percy shook his head quickly, “No. Even looking at my sister is hard. It must be the same for her, I guess that’s why she ran to the opposite end of the country.”

Vax gently leant his head against Percy’s shoulder, “Do you want to talk about what happened?”

There was a long pause before he could find the right words. Having to open up something you’d hidden away for years wasn’t a simple task, not when every nerve in your body is screaming at you to do the exact opposite.

“I don’t really know what exactly my family did to piss them off,” Percy eventually began, “I don’t want to know either. I don’t care how it started, I care that it’s finished.”

“Who’s them?”

Percy swallowed hard, “The Briarwoods.”

Then it all came out, disjointed and rambling and disconnected but Vax edited it in his own mind after the fact. How one night at dinner after the family had welcomed two guests, a married couple of wealthy socialites, into their home Percy had begun to hear screaming.

He couldn’t remember a lot of the details, which was understandable and probably merciful. What he did remember was the sound of gunfire, muffled barks of exploding muzzles echoing through the hallways of the family home. He remembered blood pooling on the hardwood floors. He remembered pleading. He remembered laughter.

The only thing he could then say for certain was that he ended up outside, running for as long as his body could physically manage before collapsing at Keyleth’s door, his friend from school the only person his fevered mind could think to turn to.

When the sun rose the next day, every paper and news anchor in the city was reporting that his entire family had been killed in a robbery gone wrong. Everyone save himself, who was missing, and his youngest sister Cassandra, who was saved by the intercession of those same guests, the Briarwoods. He recalled a tearful Delilah Briarwood on the news, saying she only wished they could have done more.

In the exact same voice Percy had heard laughing in the blood spattered hallway.

Percy wasn’t fit to leave Keyleth’s sofa for the next few months, nearly broken clean in two by grief. So everything just happened around him, the grateful Cassandra signing over the family’s entire holdings to the Briarwoods in the absence of her brother, the whole company being seized, the locks on every property the de Rolo’s had owned being changed, barring Percy from any kind of financial help.

When he was finally well enough to open his eyes, to face the world around him, he found that he was completely and utterly abandoned by it.

Vax tried to absorb all that, heart hammering in his chest, “So...what did you do?”

“Kiki was happy for me to stay with her but…” Percy pulled a face, “I wasn’t fit to be around anyone. I wasn’t well, I was...drinking a lot. She kept trying to get me to go to therapy but that would mean people knowing I was alive and, with the Briarwoods still out there, with all of the money and protection I’d lost, I didn’t that that was such a good idea…”

“How did no one know?” Vax felt anger in the back of his throat, “Didn’t they investigate? Work out that the people who were pretty much strangers that had come to the house might have had something to do with the murders that happened that very night?”

Percy shrugged, “They had magic and money on their side. Delilah was a powerful magic user but...well, I doubt it was ever really needed. You’d be surprised how much suspicion and supposed authority can be turned aside by putting coin in the right pockets.”

Vax scowled down at the stones, feeling the injustice but also the truth of that burn in his chest. He’d seen Syldor do it enough times.

“So...I got a job as a mechanic. My father had always told me my tinkering would be nothing but a distraction but it was what got me through those years. That and not caring that the cars I was fixing were obviously stolen and I was being paid off the books.”

“Seriously?” Vax couldn’t help being a little impressed by that.

Percy gave a wayn smile, “If any police officer had looked in my workshop, they’d have found enough to put me in jail for a very long time. But bribery is not just the purview of the rich, thank the gods…” he looked back at his hands, “So I spent a long time not being Percival de Rolo. I just made as much money as I could, tried desperately to keep myself alive and spent years thinking of how to rescue my sister and make the Briarwoods suffer.”

The tone of Percy’s voice in that moment worried Vax, his smile falling into a concerned frown, “Understandable…”

Percy didn’t seem to pick up on it, “I was going to do something stupid. Very stupid. But fortunately, despite my being a shitty friend and all round terrible person, Keyleth stuck by me. She convinced me to hire a lawyer instead, do it through the courts. Gods, it was a nightmare. It took years longer than I wanted it to, I was on the verge of tearing my hair out or just finally drinking enough that I’d never wake up again.”

Vax’s stomach dropped.

“But then I’d think of Cassie,” Percy’s voice quietened, “How she must have felt as alone as I did. How I couldn’t let her down. Gods only know what they put her through while they had her, she won’t talk to me about it. Every second I was wasting feeling sorry for myself and falling asleep in gutters was another second she was under their power. And if I died then...then her hope died too.”

“But you did it,” Vax said quietly, squeezing his hand, “I’m not a big news watcher but I remember it a little now, I just never connected it to you. How you got the Briarwoods convicted, got custody of your sister back, everyone saw them for what they were. I remember everyone talking about how you were a hero, Percy.”

Percy grunted, nudging the wine bottle over with his toe so it’s contents spilled across the stones, “Maybe. But there’s still days I wonder if I wouldn’t have been happier just building myself a gun and shooting them both in the heart.”

“You wouldn’t,” Vax said firmly, turning him a little so they were facing each other, “And you didn’t. And that makes you better than them, Percy. That’s what makes you a hero.”

Percy managed to meet his eyes, though he still looked so young and so scared, “Then why does it hurt so much?”

“Because what happened to you was awful,” Vax said without hesitation, touching his face with a gentle hand, “It was unimaginably awful, most people couldn’t have survived it. And you’re allowed to feel that hurt. You’re allowed to cry. But I promise, one day, this pain will be manageable. You’ll be able to carry it.”

“How?” Percy whispered brokenly, desperation in his eyes, “I...I just can’t see how. I’m not strong enough.”

“I’ll help you be,” he murmured, stroking his thumb back and forth across his cheekbone, “You don’t have to do it alone.”

Percy swallowed hard, resting his forehead against Vax’s for a long moment. Sometimes words just weren’t enough.

Eventually he mumbled, like a child tired after a long day, “I’d like to go home now.”

“That sounds good to me, darling,” Vax smiled, “Let’s go brush your teeth, huh? Cos your breath is really...interesting right now.”

Percy laughed weakly, letting the half elf pull him to his feet, “Wine and vomit. Sorry your sugar daddy turned out to be a huge mess.”

“Ah, I’m sure there’s way worse than you out there,” Vax put his arm around the taller man, glad then he was wearing heels or the effect would be a little ruined, “And you have better reason than most.”

It took a few moments for their car to be brought around to the front of the house. A few moments to sit in a stronger breeze and catch their breath, to let the tears dry on Percy’s cheeks and for them both to realise that they’d had nothing to eat all evening and would definitely be stopping for a McDonalds on the way home, if they could convince their chauffeur to go through the drive through.

Feeling more exhausted than he ever had in his life, feeling like he might be on the way towards some kind of healing, Percy murmured, “You know...sometimes I think Percy de Rolo died that day too. Like I haven’t been myself since.”

Vax looked over at him, through his rapidly unravelling hairdo, strands of black hair falling into his eyes. The party behind them, faint with distance, had become just a soft background to their soft little moment.

Vax’ildan you poor fucking fool.

“I like who you are now, Percy.”

#black coffee #percildan #percy de rolo #vax'ildan #critical role #modern au #cr: percy #cr: vax #pleeeeeeeease give this some love #I'm writing this while juggling teaching

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