#usually I don’t like my old stuff but I still think these are quite cute :)

[kamabokobun]

Outfit exploration sketches that I drew some time ago :]

[featherandferns]

daylight - nine

jj maybank x fem!reader | part 9 of the daylight series | read part 8 here

content warnings: mentions of sex; mentions of alcohol

word count: 3.9k.

blurb: restless after the argument with JJ, you resort to looking through the journal you kept when you were dating Tyler. Maybe it's time to try and let the past go.

You can’t sleep.

Every time you close your eyes, you hear the argument between you and JJ echo in your mind. The horrible things you said to one another. The perfect avoidance of the truth, as if the two of you were reciting steps in a dance. The thought that everything between you might be ruined keeps you from finding rest.

Mimsy still hasn’t returned any of your calls. Never before have you felt the distance between the two of you to be so gaping. Vancouver feels like asylum that you can’t seek: it feels as unattainable as visiting heaven. You just want to be home, in your old bedroom, in your old bed, surrounded by your old friends. You want to go back to a time before JJ and before Kildare and, more importantly, before Tyler.

Tired of staring at the ceiling, you shove your sheets off and climb out of bed. Stretching, your eyes gravitate to your pin-board. JJ seems to shine brighter than everyone else, it's as if he's backlit. You're momentarily distracted by his radiant smile. By those eyes that could bring you to your knees; the very eyes that captured you before he’d even spoken a word your way. And now, when you see his face, all you can think of is that last conversation. You look away and, like a moth drawn to a flame, or a pirate guided by a siren’s call, your eyes latch on to the shoebox under your bed. 

Something inside of you has you sinking to your knees before it. You guide it out, holding the cardboard like it’s the fragile casing of a bomb. Sitting cross legged on your bedroom floor, you take the lid of the box and lift out the journal. A finger dusts over its worn cover and a solemn smile tries but fails to make its way onto your face. Your fingers crack the pages open. And then, you start to read. 

June 3

Me and Mimsy went to a kegger today. It was pretty boring and not many people were there. We mostly hung out with Kelly and Evan. I played some beer pong - I swear I’m getting better. I ended up talking to this guy called Tyler. He goes to the boys only school in the neighbourhood. He likes country music, which is icky as hell, and he’s a little lanky. I don’t think he likes me very much. We talked for a bit but he didn’t say much, and I felt like I was chewing his ear off, so I went back to Mimsy and decided to quit bothering him. He’s cute though, so it’s a shame. There’s this tenderness in his eyes. I don’t know, I guess I felt sorry when I looked in them. I feel like if he gets coaxed out and given the right space, he might be able to really open up. But if you don’t like someone, I guess you won’t jump at the chance, right? I probably won’t see him again anyway. We don’t really run in the same circles. 

June 17

Mimsy has the flu and I’m scared I’m going to catch it too. I have a photography gig in two days at the hockey club in town and I don’t want to miss it. I think it’ll be really good for the gram and maybe get me some more work opportunities. My post the other week got three thousand likes. How crazy is that? I think I need to get better at editing. That’s usually what sets people’s photography apart. 

June 19

So, the photography thing was today and it was a success! The team were really nice and the coach said he has this sister who’s throwing an anniversary get-together thing in a week or so. He asked if he could pass on my information. I finally feel like this might be something I can actually do, for money and for the long term. Mimsy’s feeling a bit better. I don’t think I’ve caught her bug so that’s a win. Tomorrow I’ll take her some soup and stuff. Oh! And that Tyler guy was at the hockey club too. Apparently he coaches the girls-only team. He was more chatty this time. The guys in the locker rooms had beers and they offered me one, so maybe he gets more talkative when he has a drink? Anyway, we talked for a while. He’s kind of dorky but it’s sweet. He’s a Marvel boy. How funny is that? I don’t think I’ve seen more than five Marvel films and this guy lives and breathes them. I ended up telling him how I thought he hated me when we first met and apparently he thought that I hated him! How funny is that!? He said he gets nervous talking to girls he likes, and when I walked away, he thought he’d messed up. It was really endearing. Long story short, I gave him my number. I think we’re going to hang out in a few days or something. 

June 26

Okay, don’t freak out but I think I’m actually really into Tyler? He’s really easy to talk to. I feel like I can say the most private stuff and he actually listens. We keep meeting up at Billy’s Bagels and talking for ages. He told me about this car crash he got into and I told him about the time me and Mimsy tried to go hitch-hiking and she was convinced we got in a serial killer’s car. He also leaves me these little notes on the receipts. Cute little things. But it’s so confusing, because he won’t make a move. Like, we’ll be sitting side by side and he won’t put a hand on my leg or pull me close. And he never tries to hold my hand. Hasn’t kissed me. Barely hugged me. It makes me wonder if I’m reading everything wrong. I’m just so tired of being the person who always makes the first move and I want him to just do something! I want to know if he feels the same way as me. 

June 28

I’m about to lose my fucking mind. I swear to God, I’m this close to being done with this whole thing. One minute, Tyler’s talking to me like crazy and making me laugh, and laughing at my jokes, and the next, he’s acting like he’s never seen me before in his life. I took Mimsy’s advice, the other night, and when we were walking back, I really dragged it out. And I stood there for ages, outside my house, waiting for him to make a move. We’d spent the whole day together. Got food, went surfing. Then he hugs me. He fucking hugs me. I was livid. I was absolutely furious. I just started walking to my house. And then, I have no idea why, I turned around and chased him down and grabbed him and kissed him. Okay, I basically ran away straight after, but I kissed him. So, great, right? Now we’re on the same page, surely? I mean, he kissed me back. Well, me and Mimsy go out the next day (now that she no longer feels like a corpse) and we walk past Tyler and his friend. I smile at him and wave and he walks straight past us. Mimsy - who said I was overthinking everything - was furious. I think she wanted to run across the road and rip his balls of his body in that moment, to be honest. All I could think about was how awful it felt. It was like last night never even happened. Did I assault him? I mean, did I read this whole thing wrong? He said he liked me, that’s why he was scared to talk to me, but then he fucking ignores me after I full-on kiss him!? I'm just so confused and losing my patience. I'm starting to wonder if it's worth all of this.

June 30

Mimsy tried to cheer me up by taking me to a kegger. Shock horror: Tyler was there. He came up to me about an hour in and asked if I wanted to go for a walk, so I said yes. We ended up at that lake near Molly’s house, and we were looking at the stars. I don’t really remember how or why we got there. Then, out of the blue, he apologised. I don’t think I’ve ever had a guy apologise to me before. He said he was an idiot for not kissing me the other day, and that he was just nervous and really wanted to. Then he kissed me, properly, and it was perfect. I’ve never felt that way before. I think he’s redeemed himself. I’m a little scared to tell Mimsy though…

July 19

Sorry I haven’t written in a while. I got busy. I’ve been spending a lot of time with Tyler, honestly. We’ve been getting to know each other better. He introduced me to his friends and his mom, who apparently really liked me. I’ve been subjected to so much fucking country music. He doesn’t really compliment me though and it’s a little bit upsetting, I can't lie. I like hearing that kind of thing. Like we went for dinner the other night and I made a bit of an effort and he didn’t call me pretty once. Maybe I’m overthinking it. He’s more of a physical affection guy, to be honest. But still. It would be nice to hear it every now and then. He can handle his drink really well though. In fact, he drank Mimsy under the table the other day which was quite funny. He gets all touchy feely when he’s drunk, it’s so cute. He told me that he’s never opened up to someone like he has with me before. Told me things that he’s never told anyone else. He told me about his ex-girlfriend and how she was crazy. I feel so bad for him, that he was in that kind of situation. He laughs at all my stupid jokes. He even told me that nobody else has made him laugh so much before. I don’t know, I get all mushy when he says things like that. I feel like I’m bringing him out of his shell. He said his anxiety is a lot better since he met me, so I guess whatever I’m doing, it’s helping. 

July 24

I slept with Tyler hehe. It was so perfect. He was so caring and kept asking if I was okay and stuff, and I brought up the whole compliment thing and he apologised. He’s so good at taking accountability for when he’s done wrong - it’s so refreshing. He told me I have the prettiest eyes he’s ever seen. I don’t know why that hit me so much. I just think you can tell so much about a person from their eyes. They never age. I'm scared a s fuck though because I really think I might be falling in love with him. Oh no.

August 8

I don’t really have tons to say. Mom and dad got in a big argument yesterday, so there’s that. Mimsy thinks they should just get divorced. It feels weird, thinking about your parents getting divorced. The whole two Christmases and two birthday thing. I don't know, maybe she’s right. They basically hate each other. Dad keeps bringing up North Carolina and how great everything is there. How his life was so much better. Charming, really, when I’ve spent my whole life in Vancouver with him. Really makes you feel special. Tyler’s been kind of busy lately. I keep wanting to go on dates but he just wants to stay in. He told me he doesn’t like PDA. It makes him feel weird. I want to hold his hand but I feel bad. I mean, I don’t want to make him uncomfortable. Besides, I get to touch him all I want when we’re at home together, so who really cares? 

October 14

Tyler hasn’t called me pretty in over a month. I told him and he apologised. He still hasn’t called me pretty. I miss how it was in the summer. It feels like he’s retreating into himself. I don’t know what’s happening. Why everything is changing? What did I do wrong? I didn't change, did I? 

November 19

I think I was overthinking it all lately. Tyler just invited me to join him and his family at Christmas on Victoria Island. He left me a little note, too, after he stayed at my house. It was really cute. It said, ���I miss stargazing with you in the summer’. Mimsy says that maybe I need to clarify a few things with him. Set some more boundaries. He always talks about those girls on the hockey team he coaches, and whenever girls come up to him when he’s out with his friends. I like that he trusts me and wants to tell me these things, but also, if I trust him, why does he feel the need to tell me? It feels like he’s dangling it in my face almost. I don’t know, I’m probably thinking about it all wrong. I don’t know if I’ve got a stomach bug. My IBS has been crazy bad lately. It’s so annoying. 

December 6

I don’t think I’m happy with Tyler anymore. It’s like he’s a completely different person. I hardly even recognise him. We don’t really talk anymore like we used to. He says he’s really busy with school and coaching. I'm throwing myself into photography jobs to try and keep myself busy or else I just spiral. I don't want to tell Mimsy because I know what her advice will be. And I'm just not ready to face that yet.  

December 26

I leave for Victoria Island today. I’m meeting Tyler at the ferry station. He asked where I wanted to meet and I left it up to him at first. I mean, the obvious answer is the ferry station. That’s romantic. He can come pick me up. But he said, ‘whatever you prefer’ so I felt like I was putting him out by asking him to meet me at the ferry station. I don’t know. I just don’t even know if he wants me to go anymore. He hasn’t said. He hasn’t even said if he’s excited to see me. It’s an awful feeling, when you feel like someone doesn’t care if you’re there or not. Maybe it’ll be different when I see him in person. It’s been over a week since I last saw him and we haven’t been able to talk on the phone. I don’t know. Maybe I’m just kidding myself. I just think if I’m painfully honest with myself, I don’t want to go to Victoria anymore. 

December 27

I think it's over. 

December 29

I don’t even know what happened. I don’t know how to explain it but I feel like I need to get it all out on paper and just walk away from it forever. I think that’s the only way I can even start to make sense of the last six months. It was awful. I fucking hate him and I’m so fucking confused. Jesus, I have been for the past four months. 

Tyler didn’t hug me or kiss me when I got off the ferry, but I guess because he doesn’t like PDA that’s a given. He didn’t introduce me to any of his extended family and left me to fend for myself in conversations. When we first got to the cabin, he sat on the bed and scrolled on his phone with his back facing me for an hour. A fucking hour. Then he went on Duolingo and checked the fucking hockey scores. And I just sat there for an hour after paying for a ferry ticket. Oh, yeah, cause he didn’t pay for any of my travel. When I said I was hungry and was going to get food, he came with me and got himself something. Again, didn’t pay for me. We got his favourite take out. It’s always things he wants to do. I told him I needed a nap and went to my room, and I called Mimsy who was equally as angry. I mean, why the fuck did he call me out there? I’ve never felt so disrespected, so unwanted, in my life. It’s fucking awful. Tyler texted me to meet him and I told him I wanted to stay in. He asked if I was okay and I told him I was angry, and he came to my room. And he was so fucking calm and collected it made me feel like I was overthinking it. Like I was the one blowing everything out of proportion. I told him about how I felt like I wasn’t wanted and he told me that I was. He just said it was weird seeing me in person again. It had been a fucking week. We went out with his family and I put on a brave face, and the whole time he barely spoke to me. Didn’t look at me, didn’t hold my hand, didn’t take a picture of me or of us. I hated it. When I got back to my room, he came over and laid down on the bed. And I told him I was so confused. He just nodded. And he was back to old Tyler. Chatty, familiar Tyler who makes jokes with me and compliments me. He told me how beautiful I was and how pretty my eyes are and all I could think was how he hadn’t said any of that for two whole months. How for two months I felt like I had no idea what was happening. And it made me weak. I hate myself for it but I let him kiss me. We made out and cuddled and it felt like old times, and I finally felt normal again. And then we fell asleep, woke up, and he was back to how he was the day before. Distant and cold and confusing. I think that was when I decided that maybe it was time to leave. 

When we slept together that night, it felt like he almost knew what was going to happen. All of it felt like a goodbye. I tried to enjoy it and feel close to him but I just felt so far away. Afterwards, he didn’t hold me. He didn’t cuddle me when we slept and the next morning, he barely looked at me. He just went on his phone when all I wanted was to be held. That’s all I’ve ever wanted from him, to feel held by him, and he’s never made me feel like I was. I mean, I feel more love from Mimsy than him. How fucked is that.

He walked me to the ferry station and I was wondering what to do. What to say. Whether to confront him and see if I could start a fight. Jesus, anything would do. And for whatever fucking reason, I went for the hail Mary, I guess you could say. I stood there, like the fucking idiot I am, and I told him I loved him. And you know what he said? Nothing.

He said absolutely nothing. 

Then he just nodded - like the useless asshole he is - and told me, get ready for this one, that his ‘family thought I was really nice’. 

I don’t even remember what I did then. All I can remember is sitting on the ferry and texting Mimsy, asking her to pick me up from the ferry station. 

I just don’t understand. I don’t understand why this happened, or how, or who he was. He apologised the next day. What for, I don’t even know anymore. Maybe all of it? But all I can remember thinking, when I read that text, was how I just knew he didn’t mean it. It was fucking Pavlovian by that point: he would know I was upset and apologise, and I’d forgive him and believe that he might change, and we’d carry on. What's the Taylor Swift lyric? You're an expert at sorry? That's him in a nutshell.

You want to know the real kicker? When I told him that I wanted to break up, he told me he didn’t know we were even together like that. So, I ask you again: who the fuck was he? I don’t think I’m ever gonna know. 

January 1

Happy new year. I think Tyler’s blocked me. 

February 9

Mimsy just heard from Darren P that Tyler has a new girlfriend. I think I’m going to throw up. I can’t do this anymore. I just want to forget about all of it but I keep thinking of all the little things that I ignored. All the signs from the start. How it took him to be drunk to even acknowledge that I existed. How it was always on his terms. What he wanted to do. What he needed from me. I wish I never slept with him. I wish he never touched my body. It makes me feel sick that I let him sleep with me that last night. I just feel so fucking used and dirty. Mimsy says it wasn’t my fault but I can’t shake this guilt for not leaving sooner, because the signs were always there. I mean, I thought he hated me. Why the fuck didn’t I walk away sooner?

I thought he hated me. 

That’s the final entry. 

You sit and stare at the barely filled page and then snap the book closed as if you just read how the world is going to end.

The condensing of the turbulent six months you spent with Tyler in a handful of diary entries fails to capture the mass of anxiety, paranoia and pain. The restless nights that you remedied by sprinting at the gym. The meals you skipped because you felt sick to your stomach. The parties ruined when you ended them in alcohol-provoked tears, sobbing to Mimsy about how things felt ‘off’ with you and Tyler. The humiliation you felt throughout the holidays and the disgust that lingered after your final night together. The shame that haunted you for letting yourself do all of that, feel all of that, lose all of that, to some fucking deadbeat guy. 

Because that was what it all came down to. It came down to the fact that you let yourself sit there and take it. That because you felt pity for him, and saw potential, you stayed and fought and tried. God, you tried so hard to mould him into the man you thought he could be without looking at his credentials. And now, on the other side of the continent, several months past the whole affair, you finally realise what it was. 

You fell in love with the idea of Tyler, not Tyler himself. 

It's like the revelation hits you in the head like a hammer. Resets your thoughts. Grabbing the box of things, you head down the stairs. It feels as though you’re not in control of your body. Unlocking the back door, you head into the yard. Ditch the box so you can set up the bonfire, igniting it with the lighter JJ gave you. 

You’re breathing heavily as you stare at the flames. It’s like you’ve been boxing in a ring. You guess, in a way, you have. But you’re tired of battling with the past. Fighting against the memories only to get knocked down, again and again. Wounding you so badly that you can’t face the fact that maybe someone might actually care about you, just as much as you care about them. That maybe you can trust someone. 

When you burn the first photo, you feel a little insane. You never much believed in any of the mindfulness crap Instagram wellness influencers preached. The writing-regrets-on-a-plate-and-smashing-it-up type things. But as you stand, burning the memories of Tyler - anything that reminds you of him, anything that he gave you, anything that he took - you feel like you’re coming back to yourself, piece by piece. Watching the embers lick up his face, crackling until its nothing but ashes and indistinguishable remnants feels like healing, plain and simple.  

The only thing that’s left now is the diary. You hold it in your hands like it’s a first-edition copy of the first book ever written. It feels like the manuscript, encapsulating the entire torrid affair of you and Tyler. The final artefact of your silently toxic relationship, keeping you tethered to your past trauma. Swallowing, you toss it into the metal canister. When you open them again, you see the flames already laying claim to the pages. 

And finally, for the first time, the story feels as though it isn’t yours anymore.

For the first time in months, you feel free.

read part ten here!

taglist:

@princessuki21 | @psyches-reid | @heybank | @avengersgirllorianna | @rrosiitas | @yourmumstoy | @jjsfavgirl | @void21 | @fictionalcomforts | @gsp420 | @redhead1180 | @wearemadeofstardust0 | @mrs-jjmaybank | @ifilwtmfc | @heybank | @lilyw1235 | @belle101200 | @maybankskiss | @lillell467 | please tell me if any tags aren't working - I've never done taglists before!

[silversweetpea]

Peer Review

pairing: Spencer reid x reader (gn)

word count: 1895

warning: This is probably really sappy but other than that i don’t think so?

summary: The genius and the student and the very obvious thing between them they both weren’t seeing.

author’s note: this is wildly self indulgent because I'm struggling with staying motivated with school and really just wanted to image a cute coffee date with Spencer. I have an idea for a second part so keep an eye out for me continuing to be wildly indulgent the next time I get sad about making my reference page lmao

❀✿❀✿ ❀✿❀✿ ❀✿❀✿ ❀✿❀✿ ❀✿❀✿ ❀✿❀✿ ❀✿❀✿ ❀✿❀

You weren’t hiding your college course from your coworkers. If Hotch or Morgan or even Garcia had asked you would tell them flat out that you had classes you were studying for. It wasn’t a big deal and if anyone in the world was going to understand what it was like to be addicted to working on something, it would be them.

If you were to hide it though, you would want the man approaching your table to be the last to know. 

“Hey Doc, what’s up?” Reid smiled again, a little dopey and a little bashful, the same one that you got every time you called him by the nickname. Seeing him in this moment was almost worth having been at the table since you had slipped out of the office yesterday afternoon. 

“Just, uh, you mentioned this coffee shop on the past few three cases straight. I figured I might as well try it while I had a chance.” It was your turn to smile, world suddenly a little brighter at his comment. You’d be the first to call anyone else in your circumstance hypocritical or indecisive to be so giddy over someone proving that they’ve been listening to you while trying so hard to hide something from them. Lucky for you, you weren’t anyone else and Spencer, as attentive as he was, had yet to comment on your sudden love of textbooks or attachment to your laptop.

“Good right? Have a seat, tell me what you got.” He was quick to slip into the spot across from you, long legs brushing yours under the table. You’ve never been more thankful for the close quarters as you are in that moment. Your laptop gets drawn towards you, but not quite closed. There was no telling if it would turn back on if you gave it a chance to rest.

“I have no clue. I didn’t know what most of the drinks had in them and by the time i got to the front of the line there were people behind me. Whatever it is cost six bucks.” His voice is tired and part of you longs to cup his face in your hand, to run your finger along the bags forming under his eyes. You’re not sure how tired he must be to not rehearse his order like usual but you’re not sure you could handle finding out either. It helps explain the dramatic drink - nearly half of which you’re sure is whip cream - in front of him at least. 

“Well, give it a try.” Spencer looks skeptical of the rather frilly drink in his hand but when you nod towards it, you get to see him lift it to his lips. More importantly you get to see the slight mustache that forms on his upper lip.

Your brain wonders what he would taste like if you kissed him. 

The more rational part of your brain simply leans over and uses a spare napkin to wipe the offending sweetness off his face.

It doesn’t occur to you that Reid has issues with people in his space until you’ve already settled back into your chair, napkin at your side and a dumbstruck look on his face. You’ve never seen brown eyes so blown wide or his hands so still where they still held his drink.

“Sorry about that. It’s worth it though right?” Spencer barely blinks as you give a stilted laugh and sip at your own drink - despite the fact that its now well past its peak at hours old. 

“Yeah,” The tired edge is gone, replaced with something breathy. Whatever it is though, Spencer gets a hold of himself with a short clearing of his throat and a look to the laptop you had nearly, blessedly, forgotten about. “What are you working on?”

“Oh just, stuff,” Raised eyebrows, teasing smile. If your job didn’t kill you, if this homework didn’t kill you, it would be him. Even as you cringe you can feel the knock of his knees against yours again. “You know, organizing my email, going through old files, that sort of thing.”

Hands you would recognize by shadow alone close the distance, small as it is, painfully slow. It’s a polite way to argue, an unspoken question you answer with a resigned sigh and a sip of your drink once more as you watch those beautiful features light up with surprise.

“This is an essay.” The words aren’t accusatory like you had thought they would be, they’re not even joking, just confused. It makes looking up at him a bit easier though it does nothing to stop the way that your heart skips at the eye contact.

“In theory.” Your weak response makes him smile again, mouth faltering with no noise as you slid the laptop back towards yourself. 

“Why are you writing an essay?” It’s innocent but your eyes are already skimming through the paper again, spotting all the mistakes that Spencer’s just seen and feeling your stomach plumet at the extent of them all. The bravery that had been surging through you at his presence suddenly slipped away. 

“You have to promise you won’t laugh.” His hair falls into his eyes just a bit when he nods, face serious in a way that you’ve never seen outside of the field. Though you suppose that you’ve only ever had a good reason to invite him out alone once or twice and if he was nervous with the group he’d probably keep that to himself if possible. Your eyes drift back to your cup at your side and the finger you have running around the rim of the cup to avoid looking at him. “I’ve been doing an online class recently. Figured it was about time to start updating what I know so I don’t get rusty.”

The silence between you feels unjustly vulnerable. 

“That’s...wow.” Soft as a feather. Would that be what it felt like to feel his breath on your skin too? Not looking up means that you can’t tell what he’s trying to say with just two words and it only takes a second to compose yourself. 

“I know it’s nothing compared to your wall of degrees bu-” Your gaze only snaps to Spencer when a warm hand covers your own.

“No that’s not it. I just can’t believe you found time to go back to school with all the cases we handle. Do you ever sleep?” Silence again, as if the rest of the cafe is holding its breath too while you search for some sign of insincerity. There isn’t though, not with Spencer. 

“There’s a reason I like this coffee shop.” The noise comes back all at once when you catch the smallest bit of a laugh. You don’t mind this one though, it almost sounds relieved coming from him. “Though I like it less when I’m cut off for the day.”

“How long have you been here?” Warmth floods your veins, embarrassment catching you by surprise. The strange looks of baristas who ring you out several times a visit was one thing. Watching Spencer’s brow furrow, or his hair shift as he leaned ever so slightly towards you, was another. 

The cold air feels like a brick being dropped on your hand when you pull back into yourself. Your eyes glue themselves to the laptop screen and the blinking cursor that seemed to mock you there. 

“Long enough to rewrite this essay four times and still hate it. I meant to write it in the hotel rooms but the case wrapped early and then there was paper work and-” You hadn’t even noticed the hand snaking back in your direction until the laptop you’d been focused on was pulled from your grip.

“Let me take a look,” Spencer says as if you’re not floundering like a fish out of water. The nerves have just enough time to build in your throat, suffocating you, before you realize that you’re just as anxious about the ease in which the genius offers his help. Its the same way that he saves you a seat on the jet or offers to grab you something from the breakroom. Its the same as when you share those quiet in-between moments where you learn about his life in exchange for bits of your own and marvel at how perfect they seem to fit together despite your concerns.

“If it’s bad you can say so. I know that I’m not the best at the whole essay thing. Tests I can study for but open ended ‘explain this concept I barely touched upon in class’ moments aren’t my strong suit.” He says nothing, but you can see a small smile tug at the corner of his lips. It’s hard to tell what that means for your paper but for your heart is means another skipped beat. The words keep coming in an attempt to ignore that though. “You know maybe I should just go. It’s not fair to make you review that on your day off-”

“(Y/n), calm down,” The anxiety simmers and then evaporates completely when he looks up at you again. the smile makes his eyes shine and Spencer voice is light with a laugh that doesn’t seem quite able to break free. You’re sure in that moment that time stops, that you’ve spent an eternity just allowing yourself to get lost in familiarity. Your line of work doesn’t leave much room for domestic day dreams, nights spent at the dinner table or lazy Sunday afternoons but for a minute you can see it all ahead of you and reflected back in Spencer’s gaze. “Your essay is fine. I’m just going to leave some notes for you to review later and then you can have it back.”

“Why not just tell me now?” The words are still breathless, but when he looks back to the screen, the sound of typing filling the space between you two, your lungs seem more accepting of the air you gulp down. For the first time in your life you understand how it must feel to be a smoker, addicted to the same thing robbing you of your ability to breathe.

“Because I’m walking you home. You look like you haven’t slept since you left the office.” Easy, confident, said in the same tone of voice that he’d use to tell you the sky is blue and although you want to argue, want to insist that you stay put until the essay if finished and submitted you don’t have it in you to deny him that truth. 

“Okay, just let me grab something to drink that isn’t hours old.” 

“Here,” Spencer hands off his drink in one hand and swipes your laptop bag with the other, throwing the strap over his shoulder. “It seems like something you’d like.”

When he stands, you’re pretty sure you catch a glimpse of red in his cheeks, but you’re so busy thinking about the fact that you’re sipping from the same cup that you can’t trust your own eyes. Nor can you fathom how he knew that this was your favorite drink if slightly sweeter from the caffeine free flavoring used. 

All you know is that when Spencer almost trips over himself to hold the door open on the way out, you’re thinking again of what it’d be like to kiss him. 

[kisakis-boyfriend]

Tadaaaaa!!!!! A barley edited 605 word thirst (not including everything that isn’t smut)

I have gotten the sex toys my ex-roommates had ordered for me when we were on good terms so why this got me thinking…..

Going through Souya’s old room as you help him pack up so he can start living with you when you stumble across something interesting~ Smiling to yourself, you hide the item away amongst the stuff that you’re bringing back home for the day to surprise your cute, grumpy-faced lover. Later that night, when you were edging and prepping him for the night, you pulled out the item, a little fleshlight that was clearly too small for his long cock. “Soooo Souya, you were a pervert even before you knew you loved taking cock, huh?” You teased, leaving him a crimson stuttering mess. “How’d you even get or use this while still living in the same apartment as your brother? We both know your moans aren’t quite love~” You stroked his dick while he started to explain, “I didn’t use it often, a-and I did it when Hoya wasn’t home!” He squeaked. Hearing how little it was used gave you a wicked idea. “So it must have been so lonely being practically abandoned, huh? Why don’t we give it some love?” Squirting lube into the toy and hovering it over his blushing tip, you asked, “You wanna use it don’t ya?” And while Souya usually agreed to whatever devious idea you had, you were surprised this time by him shaking his head no furiously, “I want your cock! I don’t wanna fuck, I wanna be fucked!” Tutting you tell him “Now, we know that’s not fair for Mr. Fleshlight, he’s been abandoned for so long,” smirking evilly and teasing his top with the fleshlight you suggested. “How about you cum into him first, and then you can have my cock like you do every night, okay?" Souya nodded readily, looking on the verge of tears due to the upcoming orgasm. “Words hun, I need words.” “Y-Yes!” “Yes, what?” "Yes I’ll fuck Mr. Fleshlight! Please, please, please hurry, I want your cock soooo bad!!!”Chuckling, you slide the fleshlight onto his dick and coo at how small it looked on it. “Look at how tiny it is, barely fitting a third of your cock! My baby had such a small dick before, huh? Well, luckily my baby has a very sensitive tip, so he can still give Mr. Fleshlight cum right?” Waiting for a response all you got was Souya moaning and groaning, stopping your movements you looked at Souya with a displeased face. “I said, luckily my baby has a very sensitive tip so he can still give Mr. Fleshlight cum right?” Wanting the stimulation again Souya nodded furiously, babbling almost non-coherently. “Yessssss, your baby can give mister cum, your baby can, please let your baby cummmmmm.” Smiling back you continued your previous movements, “Good baby, now let’s make you cum so you can get my dick.” Licking across the vein on his dick Souya immediately came spurting cum through the top of the fleshlight. Not even giving himself time to catch his breath Souya pushed you to the ground, making the fleshlight fall to the ground, and pulled down your underwear, shoving your dick in his ass, finally looking satisfied. “Hmmm, I didn’t know you were that desperate for my dick.” You said once you recovered from the shock of his actions, shrugging you start moving, "Well, I promised and you did so well baby boy, now prepare to be my fleshlight.” Moaning at your movements, Souya thanks you before he got the sense fucked out of him. Though Souya’s move was delayed because of the soreness after that night, it was well worth it. Maybe you guys should introduce more toys into the bedroom.

-Souya’s anon lover

I diagnose you with 🫵 HORNY 🫵

But for real, this is so good! I love teasing subs/bottoms in this way, then rewarding them with exactly what they wanted. I swear you make me fall in love with Souya more and more with each thing you send in 😳

[finligz]

Alright, time for my opinion on Solarballs ships

I’d like to start by saying that no matter what fandom I join I tend to only support the official or canon ships. The reasons for that are:

1. I’m not a fan of romantic stuff as a whole, even makes me terribly uncomfortable sometimes

2. I just can’t imagine relationships in my head, so I need something to guide me like a text or better some type of imagery which is usually non-existent or poorly executed when unofficial. So the canon ships are easier for me to understand by default

3. I’m too into friendship or family dynamics, when I see characters who aren’t a couple I already imagine them in those types of settings, so the ships with them don’t make sense to me anymore

But even with all that I can say that I’m not really against most of the ships. Some of them even seem cute and a few of them I even ship myself, tho it’s rare

So today in this post I wanna state my unwanted opinion about the most popular ships in the Solarballs fandom.

Let’s start with the +- canon ones

1. Astrodude x his wife

Literally one the cutest married couples on media that I’ve ever seen. They just support each other all the time no matter what, and you can see how they care about each other. And even when so far away they still keep in touch and love each other

2. Ganymede x Europa

No matter how badly they behave in the story and how awful some of their decisions were, they still seem like they’re made for each other. They seem more like a “long-term relationship” couple to me and I like it a lot, the way they’re not as lovey-dovey and actually accept each other the way they are is very refreshing tbh. I like how Europa doesn’t try to make Ganymede change his beliefs just for the sake of her own and vice-versa, just reminding him sometimes that they’re together ahahah

3. Pluto x Charon

Alright, this one is my favourite in the whole show. They are VERY cute and I like how Charon tries to cheer up Pluto and support him when he feels awful. And even when they don’t understand each other, they stay nice and open minded usually (except when Pluto is ranting about himself and planets). They’re like a couple that grew together and it’s awesome

4. Titan x Titania

I don’t know how I feel about this. They just seem quite too different. And too awkward. Titania probably liked how confident Titan seemed and now has a crush on him in the show, but Titan just doesn’t strike me as a person ready to be in a relationship. He’s too invested in the whole system’s politics rn. I can picture him awkwardly frendzoning anyone who’s gonna confess to him. Maybe in the future this might work in a way like: “we accomplished everything we fought for and now can be together”. Also I think Titan would be too demanding for Titania to feel comfortable, she needs someone more gentle

Now moving on to most popular unofficial ships

Here besides my opinion on the ship I’ll also tell how I personally see interactions between these characters

5. Jupiter x Saturn

This actually seems very nice and cute in a way. Like a married couple maybe? At least when they bicker in the show they kinda give off that vibe. They could work as a couple. Saturn is very sensitive and protective and Jupiter needs support and seems like a patient guy, so they match well!

Personally I picture them more like old friends that rarely gather together anymore but are still close and supportive

6. Callisto x Triton

Maybe that could work? Both of them seem like adults with strong opinions on life and stuff. They might have something in common, but they are too different in my opinion still. Triton strives for freedom and lack of responsibility, while Callisto wants someone to lead her so she won’t have to be responsible. And even if some might say that Callisto changed in the show, I really don’t think so. Also I don’t think they’ll do great with long-distance relationships. For both of them it will be too much unnecessary work to maintain such relationships

I think that Triton sees Callisto as his first friend and that’s why he cares so much. It just doesn’t seem like he knows what to do and how to act. Callisto could also think of Triton as a friend, although maybe just a good acquaintance for now

7. Mars x Earth

It could work? I mean they are best friends and Mars clearly cares about Earth a lot, so he tries to not be too judgemental or put too much pressure on him. Earth also cares about Mars. I’ll just remind you how he made the whole tournament just so Mars will get back to him. So yeah, this seems like a bromance ship in a way, which means it works fine. Friends to lovers shift could happen in this case, although I don’t think they’ll be all lovey-dovey like many people portray them

I see them as best friends just as in the show

8. Earth x Venus

This doesn’t work imo. Venus is too aggressive and communicates poorly. By that I mean that Venus in the show doesn’t seem like a person with a lot of social skills or even experience. The fact that he didn’t know how to play asteroid dodgeball until the tournament tells us about how he didn’t communicate with Earth and Mars a lot. He doesn’t seem like the guy to understand romantic love. Earth on the other hand doesn’t care about Venus much and is too dominant. Even if he confessed to Venus and Venus agrees (not exactly knowing if he actually liked Earth), they would get irritated with each other as they’re both too stubborn and closed off.

I see them as acquaintances at the moment with a lot of actual friendship potential

9. Uranus x Earth

Just no. Even if you’re going to reason that by telling how it’s “canon in mythology”, it doesn’t have anything to do with the actual show. Even if they seem cute enough together, like a shy x confident dynamic and even knowing how similar their current problems are (too afraid to say something wrong/be themselves), it’s just too out of their comfort zones. Uranus is an introvert, maybe even with a sprinkle of sociophobia and he’ll feel very awkward in any relationship. He’ll say some stuff he doesn’t mean and will feel terrible about himself afterwards. Earth in those situations would probably want to push it and sometimes could embarrass Uranus even more. Also I’ll remind you that Earth and Uranus barely know each other. Long distance relationships also would be hard as Earth can’t leave the Goldilocks zone and Uranus probably wouldn’t want to go through 3 other planets’ orbits just to visit Earth.

I don’t see them interacting much.

10. Luna x Titan

This could work. Seems like a pretty serious ship with them both being very thoughtful and pragmatic. Maybe sometimes flirty, but not much. They share some of their opinions. Luna is also very, VERY patient and supportive and Titan needs that as he tries to reach his goals. However, I think right now they have other stuff to worry about. But in the future? I think it will work nicely.

I personally see them as friends

11. Mercury x Sun

Too toxic. It has the vibes of Boss x helpless employee which I’m very uncomfortable with. I don’t think that Sun could seriously love one of his planets romantically and Mercury wouldn’t want to date someone who literally hurts him all the time and demands constant attention. Just no. I don’t understand nor do I want to understand this one.

I see them only as friends. Maybe a bit one-sided with Mercury questioning this friendship

Alright, I think I covered the majority of the popular ships.

Again I’d like you to know that I don’t hold anything against you if you ship anything listed above, cause it wholly depends on people’s tastes.

If you want me to answer any of your questions there’s a button for them in my profile. See ya!

[beebopurr]

here's another! Even longer! Hope you like it, from @ilk-insolence

---

“–so she just would not give up on those fucking oysters! And after I let her get the last of the lobsters too!”

“Mmm,” Leo hummed behind her.

April placed the box of old paraphernalia on the kitchen counter and began cutting it open.

“And you know what she said to me? She said, ‘only fools would relinquish shellfish to their opponent!’”

“Mmm,” Leo repeated. She heard him haul more boxes in the living room. “And yet, by the end of it, you gave up the oysters.”

“Only ‘cause her kid was cute,” April responded, “but that was weird too! Who brings their kid to a fish market in the middle of the day? Poor thing was going to get crushed!”

Leo laughed. It changed a lot from the chittering April first heard all those weeks ago.

“What?”

“It’s just, funny. You, of all people calling someone weird.”

April shoved down an old self-conscious shadow she never quite managed to outrun and focused on sorting the dusty tea set from the box. “What do you mean?”

“You literally clobber any poacher wielding guns that sneak onto the island with nothing but a bat. You laugh at actual ghosts. You try to catch fish with your bare hands. You’re the weirdest human I’ve ever met April.”

When April was younger, a comment like that came with a sense of failure. Whenever other kids avoided her at school or playgrounds it was because she was too passionate, too rambunctious, too much. Too weird. Admittedly some of those kids were wack, haughty with hindsight; but Leo wasn’t one of them. He was unabashed, self-assured, so if he said April was weird then it was simply true.

Yet, she didn’t find herself minding this time.

Maybe something about a giant mutant turtle who’s ostracized by society being the one to call her weird had something to do with it; made it into a compliment. April felt an easy warmth fill her.

She and Leo continued sorting through the old boxes with possessions the prior lighthouse keepers left behind. April was determined to use some of that stuff for decor or functionality and save herself the money. It wasn’t like the past keepers were coming back for it anyway.

“Oooh, what’s that?” Leo asked.

“Hm?” April peeled away from her box on the couch to peer into the wooden case Leo put on the carpet. “That’s a record player. You put a black disc thingy inside it to make it spin, and then you put the needle on it to play music. Man, I haven’t seen one of those things in ages.”

April looked to Leo. He was staring at the device with a fragile expression. Slowly, he lifted a hesitant hand towards it, then pulled back. Leo still hadn’t told April who taught him English.

Without taking his eyes off the record player, Leo asked, “Can we try it? Play something on it, I mean.”

April winced, “Sorry no, I didn’t find any records here”––Leo’s face fell––”but! But, we can play music from my phone!”

She quickly whipped it out from her jacket, “You want anything specific?”

Leo leaned over her shoulder like he usually did whenever the device was around. “Could it do any song?”

“Uh, nearly any, I think. You got something in mind?”

“Yeah. M–I used to listen to it pretty often. I uh, don’t know the name of it though.”

“Well, you could look up the lyrics.” April passed him her phone.

Leo paused for a moment, a pursed look on his face, then he slowly typed onto the screen. A youtube video popped up as the first hit. He looked to April, confused. She gestured, “Play it.”

The song took a second to load. Then a drawl:

Put your loving hand out, baby

Like a flower, a bright delighted smile grew on Leo’s face. He looked at April, sheer amazement. She was too, she didn’t think she would recognize the song.

Cause I’m beggin’

When the beat hit, April bobbed her head to it, Leo echoing a second after. His delighted smile didn’t take long to turn playful. He stood up, the bobbing shifting down to his whole body. April followed. Together, they extended their hand out to one another.

So put your loving hand out baby

It was stupid; their uncoordinated jigging around the boxes splayed across the living room. April laughed as Leo kept dramatically outstretching his hand whenever the penultimate lyric popped up. After the first chorus helped knock her memory into place, April began belting the parts she knew. They weren’t quite dancing together, swaying a movement that didn’t match the other, but they were having fun together so they were dancing together.

When April looked up, gasping for breath and laughter, Leo was smiling at her like she was the unicorn from the movie they watched together. She felt her chest flutter, a warmth ballooning from within that pushed out everything else.

So put your loving hand out darlin’

When it was over, the autoplay simply moved onto the next song. The boxes around them laid forgotten for some time.

---

Leo’s feet crunched on the gravel that made the entrance of his home. He never really realized how nice the sound was, crisp, firm. He chirped into the cave to announce his arrival. The walls swallowed the echoes with their lovely texture. Outside their cove, the ocean rumbled her endless beautiful song. Leo chirped again, just to hear it in the air.

A following panicked chirp responded. Leo! Leo! It was Donnie. Raph’s hurt!

His blood froze. Leo ran into the cave and nearly slammed into Donnie. What happened?!

Donnie simply ran deeper into the cave. When it widened into their largest cavity, Leo saw Raph lying under the blankets next to their campfire. He could hear him breath heavily. Leo rushed forward, instinctively chirping comfortingly. Raph rumbled back.

Leo pushed back the blankets to see his wounded leg, blood already seeping heavily against the makeshift bandages. It was on his left thigh, the red signaling to Leo that the wound was two-way; something pierced clean through the flesh.

Hunters.

No, no, no, no, not again.

Leo touched Raph’s forehead. Fever. Shit.

I’m okay. I’m okay. Raph rumbled, though the pain lacing his every breath made it extremely ignorable.

Leo trilled, Mikey?

Still outside. Donnie then turned and left for the exit. Leo went to their supplies for more bandages. When he sat back down Raph was still rumbling. I’ll be okay. I’ll be okay.

When did this happen?

Somewhere around the coastal town. They were new.

Shit.

Raph’s hand came up to his shoulder with the old scar. Went through this before. Raph’ll be fine.

It was terrifying the last time too. Leo rewrapped Raph’s leg, making sure to pressure it hard. He also put wet cloths on his forehead. The fever scared him. For a second, Leo thought about bringing up April. She could help, she probably even had better medicine.

But the others didn’t trust her. Raph didn’t trust her. Wounded like this, he’d be even more reluctant to open up.

Donnie came back with Mikey before complete sundown. Together, they hunkered in for the night.

Deadass you should put this on ao3 or sm I'll share the link

[pastelavender88]

Sinbound- Chapter 11

Summary: It’s been a month since the events of the last chapter: Eddie and Buck are on the outs and Buck’s family is back in town; Something major happens to Y/n.

Warning: Talks of miscarriage.

Series Masterlist

It’s been a month since Eddie and I broke up. It was touch and go for a while. The night of the breakup I asked for 2 hours. It doesn’t take 2 hours to basically pick up your whole life. Alex and I took all our clothes and toiletries but we still had to come back and get the rest of our things. I decided it would be best to leave all the baby’s stuff there, but excluding that I still had a ton of things. Bobby and Athena served as the buffer between Eddie and I. Athena would text me to tell me that Bobby told her Eddie and Christopher would be out of the house from 12-4 pm and stuff like that. Eddie and I still haven’t spoken since that night even though he tried. He gave me a good 2 days before he was blowing up my cell and trying to talk and work things out, but I was serious when I meant Eddie and I were done. The betrayal still keeps me awake at night if I let my mind wander enough and the events starting on the night in question and the big blow up play in my head like a movie. Alex and I moved in with Buck for the time being while I figured out the next step in our lives. Buck was more than happy to welcome us and he’s been accommodating in any way he can. He’s been going with me to my doctor appointments, driving me around a lot since I’ve gotten a little bigger and lazier to do it myself, and even taking a parenting class with me. Even though I had Alex already a lot of things have changed in the last 12 years.  Speaking of all the things Buck is doing for me, Eddie is quite pissed at him because of it. Also, the fact that Buck is the one that told me about Eddie’s infidelity. So everything has been quite an adjustment. It was morning and Buck was off today so that meant family breakfast. Which was really more me cooking whatever I was craving and everyone being too lazy to complain or make anything else. Today was chicken, waffles, spicy syrup, bacon, eggs, and french toast. (Don’t judge but I craved this my whole pregnancy.) Buck came down from the room and sat at the table. The reason I call it the room is because technically it’s both Buck and I’s room. See Buck only has two rooms in his loft but the other room is Alex’s and it’s not exactly big enough to share. So Buck and I share the room in the sense that both of our things are there like clothes, shoes, jewelry, little things like that. Buck did buy a couch though, so that way he has something to sleep on. Right now Buck was trying to convince me to go with him and Alex to pick up his parents later. “They would love to see you. I mean it’s been over a year since they last saw you.” “Yeah and since then I got knocked up and then left a single mom. Again.” “True, but you look really cute pregnant and they haven’t seen this glow.” He said, as he pointed his fork at me. “That may be the case but seriously I’m not up for that yet.” Buck could tell my mood was becoming somber, so he let it go. “Alright. Did I tell you guys what happened yesterday at work? Some guy’s kids buried him in the sand and splashed water on him when a freak flash of lightning hit and turned the sand into glass. It was insane.” “Buck I’m trying to eat.” “Mom, that's actually really cool and mother nature at work. What did that guy say in that really old dinosaur movie ‘life always finds a way’. Life is science.” “Did she just call Jurassic Park a really old movie?” I asked Buck. I turned to Alex. “That movie came out the year I was born for your info.” “How do you think I feel? I’m older than you by two years.” Buck joked. The conversation kept flowing from there and eventually it was time to clean up and start the day. Since the break up with Eddie I haven’t really been writing much so my day usually centers around Buck and Alex. I felt like a 50’s housewife. After making sure everyone had everything they needed for their day I would tidy the house, wash dishes, do laundry. It was a feminist nightmare but I was so numb I didn’t really care. I’ve been seeing a therapist but it didn’t help as much as I thought it would. Most people describe therapy as this life-altering interaction but for me it felt like when you were called to the guidance counselor in school about bullying or something. Like I was put on the spot. Don’t get me wrong there was improvement but I just didn’t feel satisfied or “fixed” in a sense. We dived into my relationship issues a lot and I understand what Eddie was saying. The “relationship” that Buck and I had while Eddie and I were still together was emotional cheating, which proved my point. We were bad for each other. Eddie and I both rushed into this relationship after commitment issues on both sides, so we were destined for doom. Either way the pain inside of me from his affair with Ana wasn’t going away because I know that what I did didn’t warrant that. Instead of breaking it off or establishing clear boundaries, Eddie decided that cheating was the best route. So here I am feeling like less than a person over a toxic relationship we both should have some coming to an end. Buck’s POV Since Y/n didn’t want to come with me I was forced to suffer with my parents alone. It was worth it since Albert was there. “Uh, Albert, hey, check this out.” I showed Albert Y/n’s ultrasound picture. It was so cool to be a part of this process and I couldn’t help but show it off. “You brought more than takeout.” Albert replied, “Well, uh, Chimney didn't tell you?” “Yeah, that I've been gone less than a year and you're a father again? No.” God I hope my parents didn’t hear that. “Uh, no, not-not exactly.” “But that's a…” Albert started. “Baby. Buck...?” My mom was suddenly standing behind me. “Is there something you need to tell us? You're gonna be an uncle again!” My mom shouted as she jumped to conclusions. “Phillip! Maddie and Howard are gonna have another baby!” My mom yelled as she went to hug Chimney. “What?” Chim asked, confused. “That's fantastic! I had a feeling when you bought this house.” My dad replied. “I mean, it's a little soon to be pregnant again, but... Why not?!” Mom said. “This is very good news, Howard. Why didn't you tell us sooner? “ Chimney’s stepmom asked. “Uh, guys... Guys, we're... not pregnant.” He said. “You're not?” Mom asked. “No.” “Then who is?” Mom asked as she turned to me. “That’s what I was trying to say. Y/n is pregnant again. It’s a girl.” “You and Y/n are having another baby?” My dad asked. “No, mom is having a baby with Eddie.” Throughout all the confusion, everyone forgot Alex was sitting at the table on her tablet. “But, they're not together anymore so we're living with dad.” “Okay, let’s not deepdive into it. Give your mom some privacy.” When we got home it was time for a talk about privacy. “So Y/n and living with you while she’s pregnant with another man’s baby?” My dad asked. “And you’re going to help raise the baby?” “It's not like that. We’re not together, I’m just helping her while she figures a few things out. Also, if she wants of course I’ll help raise the baby but we haven’t thought that far ahead. We’re taking things day-by-day.” The way everyone except Maddie, Chimney, and Alex were looking at me I could tell they had a lot to say. “I think it's…” My mom started. “Here we go. “ I knew I was about to get an earful. “Great.” She finished. That shocked me. “Uh, yeah?” “You’re a wonderful father to Alex and I know if you need to be you’ll be a wonderful father to this little girl as well.” Dad replied. “Not only are you a good father but you’re a good man.” My mom said as she stepped towards me for a hug. I wrapped my arms around her. “Here. Dad, you want to see?” I said showing him the sonogram “Oh, absolutely.”  He said as he took the phone from me. “Phillip. You are going to allow this?” Howie’s dad asked. “It's not really for me to allow.” Dad replied. “A man cannot raise a child fathered by another man, it's unnatural.” Howie’s father reiterated. “Says the expert in child-rearing, huh? I would think you would relate to Buck's decision. Father them and let someone else raise them.” “Howie.” Albert explained. “Whoa, Chim. It's-it's okay.” I said. “A man who cannot control his family is not a man.” Howie’s dad added to already building tension. “Maybe a man who's too controlling forces his sons to hide from him in another country.” My dad fired back. “Okay, easy. Come on, Dad.” I said. “Children need to learn that actions have consequences.” “I'm sorry, but how is any of this your business?” my mom asked Howie’s dad. “He did announce it to everyone.” Albert’s mom said. ‘Well, that wasn't exactly my choice.” I said, making it clear. “It was a bad choice.” “My dad helping out my mom wasn’t a bad choice, you’re just mean.” Alex called out. “Alex. Honey, you can not talk to adults like that.” “See this is exactly what I am talking about. Your child has no manners and you plan to raise another?” “Oh, that's rich.” My dad replied yet again, kicking everything off. Everyone started to argue until due to a storm the lights went out.   “Buck, grab some candles, we got the doors”. Howie called me. As mom played with Jee and Alex, Maddie and I talked. “I think maybe Albert was right.” I said to Maddie. “Oh, I wouldn't say that out loud.” “Ever think about what it might've been like...?” “What?” “If Daniel had lived.” I asked her. “Yeah, sometimes.” “You?” Just then the lights came back on and everyone was relieved. “I think it would've been just like this.” Y/n’s POV (Think of this happening at the same time as Buck’s) I was sitting on the couch after cleaning when I heard a knock on the door. “Did you forget your key or something Buck?” I swung open the door and there stood Eddie. I crossed my arms and clenched my fists tight. The nerve he had to show up here. “What are you doing here Eddie?” “I’m here to talk to you. You haven’t spoken to me in a month. At least not without a third party being involved. I haven’t gone to any of your appointments since then.” “You barely went before so what’s the difference?” “Y/n, how long are we going to do this? Huh? Are we gonna be those parents that drag their kids through hell?” “Don’t do that. I can’t do this right now.” “So when are we going to do this? Talk things out?” “I don’t know Eddie. It’s only been a month.” “We need to talk about this.” “No. I need time. Time away from you. I’ll tell you when I’m ready to talk to you.” I went to shut the door on Eddie but he put his hand there to stop it. “I miss you Y/n. Christopher missed you.” “I miss Christopher too. He’s more than welcome over here, because you’re pissed with Buck you won’t let him over here.” Eddie was quiet. “Eddie, I want to move forward but I need to do it at my own pace. The way you’re behaving isn’t helping.  I mean I feel like you aren’t even sorry.” “I am sorry. I will always be sorry for what I did. Not only because I hurt you but because I destroyed everything we built when I did it. I’m so sorry Y/n.” “I hear you Eddie I do, but I still need time. Okay?” “Alright. I’ll go. I love you y/n.” I still loved Eddie but I didn’t know if I was in love with him anymore. “Goodbye, Eddie.” Time went on and eventually Buck came home. “Hey, where’s Alex?” “She’s spending the night at Maddie and Chim’s house.” “I thought the house wasn’t done and what clothes is she going to wear?” “Our daughter is a sneaky one. She put her clothes in my truck along with a sleeping bag. How am I supposed to say no to that?” “I’m sure it’s really easy but she’s got you wrapped around her finger.” “Yeah, she does.” Buck came and sat down beside me on the couch. “So it’s just the two of us tonight, what are we doing? “I was thinking of doing something a little risky…” “Oh really?” “Oh yeah.” “How risky we talking?” “Oh you know, I’m gonna change and slip into something a little more comfortable, and then…” “Then what?” “We’re gonna eat so much ice cream our guts explode and watch trashy reality tv.” “Now that’s what I’m talking about.” Buck said. We’d always had that joking relationship that could be borderline sexual but now that we actually live together the sexual part was definitely a no-no. “I’ll be back.” I went upstairs to change. “What kind of ice cream we doing tonight, Rocky road or fudge?” “Ooh, let’s do a rocky road tonight.” I started to change when I felt a warm sensation in my pants. I looked down at my now ruined pants and noticed blood. I carefully rushed down the stairs. Buck was facing away from me but heard me come down the stairs. “You changed already, that was fast.” He turned around and saw my expression. “What’s the matter?” “I’m bleeding.” I could tell Buck wasn’t catching on to what I was saying. “Like down there.” Buck became a panicked nervous mess. “Oh my god! Okay. Let me grab my shoes and my keys and we’ll throw you in the car.” Before I could say anything he darted off. He looked around the front door and then made his way into the living room. “Where are my shoes? Where are my keys?” “Buck calm down. Your keys are on the hook and your shoes are in the room. I’m gonna put on a pad and change, while I’m doing that, call Dr.Manning.” “Alright.” I went into the room changed and put on a pad in case of more bleeding. When I came back down, Buck was waiting on me. “Dr.Manning is going to meet us at the hospital.” “Okay.” We made our way downstairs and got into the car when I realized I forgot to call Eddie. I went to reach my phone and couldn’t find it. “Buck, can you call Eddie? I left my phone inside the loft.” “Yeah of course.” Buck called Eddie but it went straight to voicemail. “Hey Eddie, I’m taking Y/n to the hospital to see Dr.Manning. Call me back when you get this,” He hung up and turned towards me. “Are you okay? Are you in pain?” “No, I'm doing okay, just the bleeding.” I was trying to keep a leveled head but my mind was racing. It was going to places I didn’t want it to go. “You know when I was pregnant with Alex I had a scare kind of like this. I was in the hospital for 2 days. They said her heart rate was low and there was a chance I could lose her. What if I lose this baby Buck?” My tears were threatening to spill from my eyes. Buck grabbed my hand and caressed it.“Don’t think like that. We’re going to see Dr.Manning and she’s going to tell us that that beautiful baby girl of yours is okay and whatever is happening is probably normal, okay?” “Okay. Thanks Buck.” “Of course.” He said as he kissed my hand. Buck and I arrived at the hospital where Dr.Manning was waiting. She ushered us into the ultrasound room and began to take a sonogram. “Okay, let’s take a look.” She moved the wand around and I saw how she squinted at the screen. “Here’s the baby right here. Let’s hear this heartbeat.” She moved over and I heard her heartbeat. It sounded good or at least I think. “That’s a strong and healthy heart beat right there.” I let out a relieved breath. She moved the wand around more until she stopped at this big blob. “Okay, here’s the problem. You’re suffering from Placenta previa. It’s when the placenta completely or partially covers the opening of the uterus. How bad was the bleeding?” “If I was on my period I would say it’s a light flow.” “And are you still bleeding now.” “No, I don't feel anything.” “I’m gonna keep you here for the rest of the night and monitor everything. In the morning I’ll let you know whether or not you’ll be discharged. Let me just say since it’s your second child it’s more than likely gonna resolve itself. What’s your birthing plan?” “I planned on doing a vaginal birth.” “Okay. We’re going to do more appointments than usual and if this resolves itself we can go ahead with that plan. If not we’re going to have to do a c-section delivery. Okay?” “Alright.” “Dad is more than welcome to stay if he would like. I’m going to make sure a room is prepared and ready for you. Let me know if you need anything.” I didn’t feel like correcting her about Buck in any way. “Okay.” She departed the room and Buck and I sat there almost as if we were waiting on the other person to say something first.” “Do you want me to stay with you?” Buck said, breaking the silence. “Only if you’d like to.” “Of course I would. Do you want me to go home and get anything?” “No I’m okay. It’s just for the night right?” “Right.” Soon a nurse came and brought us to the room we would be staying in for the night and we got comfortable. Sometime throughout the night the anxiety left me and before I knew it I was asleep. I was awoken by a nurse and Dr. Manning coming in. Buck was already awake. “Good morning. How are you feeling?” “I’m fine. Just nervous to be honest.” “Well I have good news, we found nothing concerning while monitoring you over night so that means you can go home. We’ll be having more frequent visits but I’m sure you have nothing to worry about.” “That’s great thanks doc.” Buck replied. “Just doing my job, but this does mean a few things. No moderate or strenuous exercise, heavy lifting, standing for long periods of time and sadly no sexual intercourse or sexual activity that could lead to orgasm. At least until the baby is born.” I wanted to dig a hole so deep and crawl in it. “Any followup questions?” “Nope, I’m good. You got any, Y/n?” Buck replied with a grin. “She’s covered everything. Thanks, we’ll be out of your hair now.” Dr. Manning said her goodbyes to us, leaving alone to brew in the awkwardness. “No sex until the baby gets here. Well I guess there’s no point in you living with me anymore.” I believe that was Buck’s bad attempt at a joke. “Haha, so funny. Besides it’s mostly if the issue doesn’t resolve itself I think.” I don’t know why I answered like it was a serious possibility. “Let’s go. I’m hungry.” I quickly made my way out of the room in order to avoid talking about this any further.

[eddies-disability-swag-blog]

So, I have a lot of friends with dissociative disorders, one actually became aware of their (they as in multiples, neither of them uses they/them iirc) DID quite recently.

And like, I’ve been trying to talk about my experiences with dissociation and depersonalization with them, but no one seems to relate to what happened to me and I just feel so alone.

So, if you find any of the following relatable, I’d love to talk about it. I am very scared of it, but I think it would be nice to meet people who have gone through the same.

CW: Mentions of death and descriptions of dissociation

I feel like I have died multiple times. Well, not me, but someone else died and now I’m in their place.

I think this has happened about 3 times, the last time was around 2015.

When “I” died, I just woke up one day, feeling strange and out of place. Nothing usually felt real. My memories felt like they weren’t mine, I had no connection to my names, my family felt like strangers that knew me. I still recognized everything, but after waking up, I was a completely different person. Eventually the odd feelings would disappear and I’d assume my role as the person leading the body, or at least most of the time that happened. It was a very weird experience, like growing up suddenly in one night, feeling completely altered, but still somewhat like me deep inside.

I don’t think I have multiples, or at least not ones that existed simultaneously, if that even makes sense. The different identities just replaced the past ones, one after the other.

The first one was what I assume was a girl. She loved to wear one of my sister’s purple dresses and role play as Minnie Mouse. She was really jealous of the cute little princess costumes my grandma made for my sister and cousins. She must’ve died when I was like 7.

Number 2 was a weird one. They didn’t think of themselves as human, to them they were just in this body temporarily and soon they’d return to their home to their real family. They’d also communicate with their family using methods I will not describe because I don’t really want to talk about them.

This must be the time where the autism dehumanization kicked in or smth.

No idea how long they lasted for really.

Then there was number 3, probably a girl, like a sequel to number 1. She was really not that remarkable. Since the purple dress and my sister’s other clothes were too small for us then, she explored her gender through club penguin and MLP. She wanted to be a club penguin YouTuber and then a MLP YouTuber and then an everything YouTuber. She died around 2015.

There’s a possibility there might be a secret number 4 since I have a lot of missing gaps from 2016, but eh, the others didn’t cause me amnesia, that might be something different.

And then I was born! I’m by far the oldest, at almost 10 years old. Idk what else to say. I’m not a girl. I’m somewhat a guy, so he/they pls, in that order.

I don’t think I have alters. I don’t think I have DID, I don’t have amnesia and stuff and my personality and sense of self is fairly consistent.

There’s been times I’ve allegedly woken up, done stuff, talked to people, promised to do stuff, go back to sleep and then wake up again, remembering nothing. But I think that’s more a sleep disorder, night terror or sleep walking rather than me having a cohabitant that only wakes up to make me look bad and untrustworthy.

Anyways, remember, if you relate to any of this and wanna talk about it, pls DM me.

[katsu28]

christmas tree miracle

pairing: JJ Maybank x reader

summary: when running horribly late on finding a christmas tree actually turns out to be one of the best decisions of your life

warnings: light swearing

a/n: taking a tiny break from writing 1k celebration things for some holiday fluff, but i'll be back on it soon!! come join kait's sweetest celebration if you'd like! <3

navigation + taglist

(gif found on pinterest)

Things were not going well. With the hectic nature of the holiday season taking over your whole life this time of year, you’d forgotten that you were in charge of securing a Christmas tree for your family.

It was now t-minus five days until Christmas, and you had yet to find a fir tree anywhere in the Outer Banks, which is how you ended up at at a smaller, more mom and pop farm called Woodards over on the south side of the island, praying for a goddamn Christmas miracle that would somehow get you the perfect tree.

But much to your dismay so far, no luck. The tiny lot was near void of trees, save for a few pathetic wilted ones over by the metal fence that definitely wouldn’t bode well if you brought any of them home.

You sighed heavily, shoulders slumping as you dragged a heavy hand down your face at the disaster you’d created for yourself. Christmas was your family’s favorite time of year, and you’d fucked everything up before the day had even come.

How were you supposed to go home and tell them that their favorite holiday tradition wasn’t happening this year, all because you’d gotten a little busier than normal?

“Hey,” A voice called from a little ways away, drawing your attention to the owner of said voice, a boy around your age, broad shoulders in a thick, worn looking grey jacket and blond curls poking out from under a red baseball cap that he tugged down tighter on his head as he peered over at you curiously. “You okay?”

You straightened up instantly, and you sniffed, trying to gain back your composure so you wouldn’t make a fool out of yourself in front of this stranger. This very cute stranger.

“Yeah, I’m okay, I’m just, erm—trying to find a Christmas tree,” You sighed, gesticulating vaguely.

“Well, this is a Christmas tree farm, so you’ve definitely come to the right place.” He replied, lips quirking up into an amused smile. “Though you’re comin’ in a little late in the game, I’d say. You can probably see that we don’t have much of…anything, really.”

“‘S on me, I totally forgot I was supposed to get it this year.”

“Busy holidays?”

“That’s putting it simply. Feels like it’s coming a lot faster than usual.” You chuckled humorlessly, dragging a tired hand down your face. The boy nodded knowingly, rocking on the balls of his feet. “Any chance you’ve magically got any good trees somewhere around here?”

“I think I might be able to help you out.” He hummed, making a dramatic show of scanning his surroundings before crooking a finger at you to follow him. You fell into step with him as he navigated his way across the farm deftly, your steps a little less sure. What did your parents always tell you about going to a secondary location with a stranger?

The boy could definitely tell you were on edge, because he snorted, an amused smile stretching his lips. “Relax, I’m not gonna do whatever you’re thinkin’. We keep some trees over behind the main tent—the not quite perfect but still pretty good ones, just for poor old saps like you.”

“Oh, he’s funny too!” You rolled your eyes playfully, which made him smile even bigger.

“I try my best. I’m JJ, by the way. Christmas tree extraordinaire.”

“Y/N. Poor old sap.” That drew a laugh from him, and you felt a little bit proud of it. “So what made you wanna work on a Christmas tree farm?”

“Want? Nothing really, but I’ve known the Woodards since I was a kid so they usually hook me up with seasonal jobs. Lawn mowing in the spring, pool cleaning in the summer, that kinda stuff.” He explained, a fond smile creeping over his face. “Plus, Mrs. Woodard makes the best snickerdoodles ‘round this time of year. I swear I could never eat anything other than those cookies for the rest of my life and die happy.”

“They seem really nice.”

“They’re good people. Some of the nicest you’ll ever meet.”

“And they’ve got good taste in employees too. Are all your coworkers this charming?”

“Oh, stop it,” JJ brushed you off unconvincingly, holding a hand over his heart. “You’re making me blush!”

“It’s true! If all Christmas tree salesmen were as good as you, we’d have an even bigger tree shortage!” You laughed. It was weird how you could feel this at ease with someone you’d met not even twenty minutes ago, but here you were, flirting up a storm with JJ. It didn’t feel uncomfortable or awkward at all, it felt…natural. Easy. Like you’d known each other for a lot longer.

“You’re just gunning for my cookies, aren’t you?” He teased, nudging your arm with a pointy elbow. You feigned surprise, shrugging innocently. “There might be some on the counter by the cash register later, you can probably snag a few if I’m feeling generous.”

“How kind of you!” Your conversation with JJ was cut short by your arrival at wherever he’d taken you, the sizable amount of pretty decent looking fir trees standing propped up against the fence proving a worthy distraction. “Oh wow, these are beautiful!”

“Feel free to look a little closer if you want, I’ll, uh, start getting some rope ready for you.” JJ set off almost instantly, leaving you studying the trees intently for the perfect one.

You’d only just found one when he reappeared, this time with a bundle of thin rope over his shoulder and some plastic netting, tossing the two on the ground next to the tree you were eyeballing once he was close enough.

“Oh, this one’s a nice one,” He noted, running a hand along the bristly branches. “You’ve got good taste.” You just grinned at him, happy that you were actually getting a tree after all. “I’ll get it tied up and ready to go then!”

JJ made quick work of packing up the giant tree, maneuvering it easily like he’d done it a thousand times before—which, judging by the lack of trees around, he probably had. Within no time, he’d looped the rope around the stump, slinging the whole thing over his shoulder and setting off towards the main tent with you in tow, without so much as breaking a sweat. It was probably one of the hottest things you’d ever seen.

“I can’t thank you enough for this, JJ, seriously,” You breathed, digging in your bag for your wallet. JJ leaned the tree against the fence next to the tent, brushing his hands off on his jeans as he made his way behind the counter.

He punched a few buttons on the ancient looking register, shrugging casually. “‘S what I’m here for. Glad I could help.”

“You’re literally the best. What do I owe you?”

“Normally, I’d hike up the price on this beaut for such a last minute score, but luckily for you, there’s a discount today,” He said proudly, grinning a wide, troublemaker smile. “I like to call it my ‘saving a pretty girl from more holiday distress’ discount.”

Your brows flew up at the boldness in his words, but you found yourself smiling. JJ the cute Christmas tree boy had game. “Oh? So how much do I owe you now?”

“Eh, sixty bucks.” JJ replied. Your brows furrowed at the low price. For a tree like this, which was actually pretty nice, you would’ve thought it would cost you an arm and a leg. “And a date.” He added hastily, shoving his hands into his pockets.

“A date.” You echoed, tilting your head thoughtfully, like you were pondering it. Truth be told, you weren’t actually thinking about turning him down at all. In fact, you had also been grappling with asking him out in the duration that you’d gotten to know him.

“Yeah. Coffee, movie, walk around town—I don’t mind. I just…I’d really like to see you again, Y/N.” JJ looked almost nervous now, lips pressing together into a sheepish grin.

“I’d really like to see you again too, JJ.” You meant it. There was just something about him that made you want to know more. You passed him the money you owed him for the tree, which he secured in the register drawer before nodding curtly.

“Here, lemme walk you to your car,” He insisted, shouldering the tree once again with minimal effort. The walk to your car was shorter than you would’ve liked, but alas, here you were. JJ stared up at the roof of your car, propping his hands on his hips with a furrowed brow. “I can get this up there in no time. Light work.” He flipped his hat backwards over his blond locks, pulling a pair of work gloves out of his jacket pocket and sliding them on.

He’d shucked his layers off until he was just in a t-shirt that gave you full view of his biceps, and you’d be lying if you said you weren’t enjoying the sight of him and those biceps hefting the large tree on top of your car. And he was right, he really did get the tree secured to the top of your car in no time, and soon enough he’d opened your door for you, helping you climb in.

Shutting your door carefully, JJ leaned into your open window, braced elbows and open palm holding up his chin as he watched you throw your bag onto the passenger seat. “I’ll see you around?” He asked, cheeks flushing pink in boyish hope. “Soon, maybe?”

“How’s next Friday sound? Lunch at noon?” You offered, tilting your head at him.

JJ beamed at you happily. “Sounds perfect. Text me when you get home, yeah? Gotta make sure that tree survives the journey.”

Your cheeks warmed at the care in his words, even though he tried to disguise it with teasing. “I will.”

“Good.” He murmured, looking like he wanted to say something, but deciding against it. “I’ll see you Friday.”

“See you Friday,” You echoed, smiling warmly at him. “And thank you again, JJ. I mean it. You’ve literally just saved my Christmas.”

“Saving poor old saps is my favorite part of the holiday season.” He teased, winking at you.

“Poor old saps like me?”

“No…nothing like you. You’re way better.”

Feeling emboldened by the wistful look on his face, you leaned out, fingers angling his jaw to the side and pressing a kiss to his cheek. “Bye, JJ.”

“Bye.” He sighed, pushing off from the window with his cheeks now a pleased pink. “Drive safe.” You waved at him once more before starting your car, watching him get smaller and smaller in your rearview mirror as you drove away.

Staying true to your word, you texted him the minute after you pulled into your driveway.

Y/N: miracle tree has officially made it home.

A reply came in almost immediately—a selfie of JJ, mid-munch on a cookie, squinting happily at the camera.

JJ: glad to see it. u just missed a fresh batch of snickerdoodles. sucks to suck, doesn’t it 😉

Y/N: you better bring some on friday then

JJ: of course i will. but i gotta tell u now, they come at a price

Y/N: and what would that be?

JJ: one tin of cookies for another date

You hadn’t even gone on your first date, and here he was bartering for a second. He was bold, and you liked it.

Y/N: deal <3

taglist!

@milkiane @moralina @scenesofobx @tenaciousperfectionunknown @strawberryforks @vesperluvsbillie @like-gabriel-and-castiel @fearthewalkingbitch @eichenhouseproperty @dpaccione @directioner5life @liltimmyst @lilygreennn @sunkissedsteve @mrstealuregirl @izzymaybank @bubsonnobx @laylasbunbunny @cityofidek

[bronx-bomber87]

Happy Tuesday :) Ep been wanting to get to. Anytime we get little more depth to them and Tim as a character I’m a happy girl. I forgot s2 only has 20 not 22 eps HA We’re almost done which is insane to me. Feel like we just started s2. So after this one we have 3 left in this season. What a trip. Let’s delve in shall we?

2x17 Control

Thanks to Nolan our couple starts their day off with some foot patrol. Grey wants them more engaged with the community. Tim lets her know that while he finds foot patrol annoying he agrees this is important to do. That it creates trust and likability therefore they get more help. Lucy seems real impressed with his answer. I always love when Tim impresses Lucy with his insight. Also when she makes sure he knows how enlightened she finds him. She's hot for Tim in these moments haha

Lucy loves when he shows her his moral compass about this stuff. I said it last review Tim as a person is very attractive. It's definitely huge part of her draw to him. A random guy comes up to them asking for legal advice. They stop and address him. Lucy fully expects Tim to answer this man’s question. I’m rolling when he tells this guy they’re movie extras’. Lucy’s double take is too damn funny. How she kept a straight face idk. He’s such a grumpy old man sometimesI love it. Or as Aaron says in s5 he’s like the old dude from 'UP' LMFAO I love you Timothy Bradford haha

Lucy's smile when he tells her they’re not google is too cute. We all know she loves her grump of a man. She’s enjoying him cracking a joke with a side of heart eyes to go with that smile. Look at him cracking jokes. So proud. Their comfortability level at this point is off the charts. His sense of humor is so fun to see. (He cracked me up too. I laugh every time.)This came out all on its own. I love him so easily making one around her. Lucy is quite amused and enjoying it herself.

Side notes I love about this scene. The ever wonderful height difference I legit can’t get enough. How damn in-sync they are as they’re walking together. Honestly the entire scene. Look at them. Lastly a fan favorite the the lack of personal space. Within inches of each other at all times. Like moths drawn to a flame. Always gravitating back to one another. Their physical chemistry without touching always floors me.

We rejoin them still on foot patrol. Lucy asking Tim if Rachel was disappointed she canceled on her last night? Trying to justify to Tim why she ended up bailing on their bar plans. Clearly residual PTSD from Caleb manifesting into her doing this. She’s clearly wanting to be relieved of the guilt she feels for canceling on her.

Tim is usually that person for her with his insight and telling her like it is. Not this time...She doesn’t get the reply she wants unfortunately. Just Tim being a lying liar who lies, when he says they don’t ever talk about her. Ok honey we believe you…I’m sure he actually talks about her more than Rachel would like. Lucy is offended with his cavalier answer LOL

Their convo gets interrupted by a dope stealing Girl Scout cookies. He runs and ends up in someone’s windshield. One of the little girls shows up from the troop to help them. Tells them they can use her scarf and pen as a tourniquet. Even tells Lucy where to apply it. Pretty impressive composure for a kid haha

Tim’s face is my favorite part when she asks if she can get a badge for this? He’s not sure what shocks him more. Her knowing how to do this or asking for a badge for it haha Lucy’s smile back at Tim is pretty cute. I feel like this will be them as parents when their kid does something that shocks them haha

The fire dept. arrives and so does Emmett Lang. Not gonna lie everyone he is smokin. I remember first time I watched this episode, I was thinking holy hell this man is attractive. Lucy deserved someone on this level of hotness to re-enter the dating world with. He is instantly flirty with Lucy. Telling her his condolences for Tim being her T.O. (good thing Tim misses this part ha) Lucy has zero problems flirting right back with him.

Honestly good for her. This is so needed post-Caleb. She’s crashing Jackson’s date plans and canceling on Rachel. She needed something to get her back on her feet. Just like Rachel was the perfect person for Tim post-Isabel. Emmett was for Lucy in the aftermath of 2x11. Girl needed a win and to feel it was ok to re-integrate back into the world of dating. Quite the score to start back up with if I do say so myself ha

They flirt some more at the hospital. Emmett basically asks her out and Lucy panics. Lies says she has something going on. Oh my girl. That PTSD is showing and I can’t blame her. Just hate seeing it affect her. Tim comes up and says it’s time to go. He says bye to Emmett and Lucy makes the connection they know each other. So she leans on her lifeline since she’s having doubts.

Tries to ask Tim about Emmett. Says he seems nice. Trying to get a beat on him through Tim’s eyes. Tim doesn't understand her line of questioning at first. Just giving short answers that give her no depth. He's thinking nothing of it until she gives him that look above. Then he quickly pieces together what this is.

He instantly disengages about it. Telling her 'No.' Not S1 Tim 'I could care less about your life.' disengaged. More 'I don’t trust myself to give you the right advice.' kind of distance. He wants no part of this. Lucy seems so upset he won’t talk to her about this. This scene is funny in how he cuts it off. How upset she seems. The pointing of his finger. Sadly we know the deep kernel of truth he feels to that final line of the scene.

The weight he’s still carrying around about her abduction. He doesn’t trust himself to vet Emmett for her. Since in his mind he failed so spectacularly with Caleb. He’d rather pass that emotional responsibility off to someone else. The weight that’s already on his soul is crushing...he can’t add to the load. Oh my broken boy. I wanna give you the biggest hug.

Lucy breaks my heart when Jackson tells her he needs alone time with Sterling. Lucy realizes she’s a third wheel. Has been for awhile now. She is horrified by this. Luckily Tim saves her with an OT opportunity. Joining the DEA operation Nolan and Harper are running. Lucy instantly jumps on it. She looks so upset walking away from Jackson. My poor girl. I want to give her a hug. I wanna hug them both in this one. This OP was blessing in disguise for her to do though. We get the best part of the episode during the stakeout.

Lucy is "on the phone" with Rachel saying all the things she wishes Tim would engage her on. He’s shaking his head as she rambles on. It’s so funny. Telling “Rachel” she’s been using Jackson and Sterling as a crutch. That together they make the perfect BF. Saying how they’re safe and that's why she keeps choosing them. My heart. Tim interjects 'Who are you talking to? 'Cause he knows it’s not Rachel.

John interrupts asking if they want coffee? He is going on a run. Lucy is her adorable self and asks for a chai tea latte all excited. Tim cuts her off saying this is a stakeout he's not going to Starbucks LOL Lucy rolls her eyes at him. He’s such an ass sometimes but I love him dearly rough edges and all. John is so sweet tells her he’ll see if he can find her some vanilla creamer LMAO

Lucy returns instantly to her fake convo and Tim can’t take it any longer. Has to call her out in the most Tim Bradford way he can. By calling her and proving she isn’t on the phone…Lucy is mortified but answers LOL Poor girl she just wants to talk it out with her person. I’m a lot like Lucy in the way that I need to talk things out. If I don’t they’ll eat me alive. I have a compulsive need to confront things and not let them fester.

It’s good to have that person you can talk it out with. If you don’t you start to self advise and that’s never good. Tim is that for her. Her sounding board. To her she has a problem she reaches for the lifeline that is Tim to sort it out. So him denying her that catharsis is messing with her. Why she created this fake convo. It got his attention so in the end it worked.

What kills me the most with this scene is both their reactions honestly. Lucy for being utterly shocked Tim would think his opinion had lost any value post-Caleb. To her it never ever occurred to place any blame on him. To trust his gut or opinion any less because of her DOD trauma. Breaks my heart Tim doesn’t see this before they have this conversation. That he truly believes his opinion has lost its value in her eyes after Caleb.

Lucy is astonished he would think she doesn't want his POV. She lives for it. Its the most important one in her life. Tim is so very vulnerable with her with his follow up answer. So proud of him for this vulnerability BTW. Nothing scarier than being emotionally exposed with another person. You can see it written all his face. That guard is down. We see the toll this guilt has taken on him. He unburdens his soul to her. Tells what has been eating at him for months.

That his advice pushed her towards something that could’ve ended her life. Since then he has devalued his place in her life. Doesn’t find himself worthy to advise her in personal matters. He fought against it for so long. Then he gave in and Caleb happened. In his mind proving why he never should’ve gotten involved in the first place. Chiding himself for getting close to her and having that closeness which put her in danger.

Lucy truly had no idea the guilt he'd been carrying since 2x11. It’s six episodes later. At the earliest that's 6 weeks at the most its a little over 2 months if we include her recovery time. The latter is the more likely timeline. That’s a long time to be carrying a burden she never placed on him. She can't stand that he's done this to himself. Lucy immediately wants to put him at ease. Trying to offload that burden and chuck it far away. It never once crossed her mind he would take the sole responsibility. Because not for one second did she ever blame him for it.

She vehemently reassures him it wasn’t his fault. He could be told by everyone under the sun it wasn’t his fault. He wasn’t going to stop mentally flogging himself till Lucy forgave him. She is all the things he needs in this moment. Letting him know she thinks it’s ridiculous he would blame himself, that no one had any reason to suspect Caleb for what he was, and overall what happened wasn’t on him. Lucy is taking that weight off his shoulders and throwing it away. Never allowing him to pick it back up again.

He looks so damn relieved and honestly very vulnerable after she absolves him. It helps him start to close a self inflicted wound. Eric the king of facial expressions killing me softly in this scene. His eyes and the way he looks at her when she said wasn’t his fault. *heart clutch* He couldn’t even look at her till she said that. Then when he does he's in awe of her. Like he can't believe she doesn't blame him but is so grateful for her saying as such.

I love her also sharing it wasn’t hers either. It was not at all. (Growth for her too.) Looks like he's biting back his emotions when she lets Tim know how valued his opinion is. It's so sweet. He needed his sunshine human to apply some balm to his wounds. No one does it better than Lucy. She’s complimenting him while also reliving him of the guilt he’s been harboring for much longer than she would’ve liked.

Had she known this she would’ve absolved him the day after honestly. No way she would've wanted him carrying this guilt day in and day out. Her opinion matters so much to him. He NEEDED to hear her say these words. It had to come straight from Lucy or he’d never let it go. She reassured him that not only did she not blame him but his opinion was one that matters most to her. Two things that were in question for him. Quelled the storm in his soul.

It’s scenes like this that are the true building blocks to their foundation. Why they end up working so well in s5. I will die on this hill of loving every single moment of this slow burn. I’m so glad we had 4 seasons to truly make them rock solid. It was so necessary for them as a couple. I don’t regret the wait at all. Because piece by piece they were building toward ‘The Really Beautiful Place’ Lucy calls their relationship in 5x18. Everything happens for a reason for them before we get there. This is just another wonderful facet of it.

The minute he’s granted access and allowance to give her advice he doesn’t hold back. His way of showing he cares too. I love them so much for their ability to just bounce back like they do. After a deeply emotional and vulnerable chat they're right back to the banter. Easily fall back into teasing one another. Tim basically says in not so many words Emmett isn’t good enough for her.(I mean no one is but Tim lets be honest.)

Lucy probes and asks why he thinks that? Tim doesn't hesitate in the slightest. Saying he’s a firefighter for god sakes LMFAO. Clearly has a prejudice against them. For whatever Tim reason that may be. Lucy being all cute saying 'Yeah that’s what makes him so hot.' ha She’s not wrong the man is fine af.

Tim gets defensive and says he doesn’t want to talk about this if she gonna be contrarian about it. Which is Tim speak for being jealous let’s be real honest. Lucy doesn’t hesitate to call him out on it. God I love her. Jokes he’s just threatened by his ‘hunkiness’ I mean he is….his reaction alone proves that he is. It’s ok Tim she still thinks you’re smokin too. She just can’t have you just yet haha

I love them ending this scene on a funny bantery note. Shows how much Tim cares about her. The fact that he is allowing this conversation to even take place proves that. Indulging her in this. They’re so married with their banter. I Iove them sfm. Soulmate behavior the way she teases him about everything and he allows (and loves) it. We leave the scene smiling and laughing at these blissfully unaware idiots in love.

Harper has Lucy and Tim chase what they think is the decoy vehicle once their stakeout is made. They soon realize the decoy vehicle has their target and Nolan’s CI. They end up getting T-Boned in the pursuit of it. Hurts to watch. They're both knocked out cold. I adore how the first thing Tim asks when he comes to is if she’s alright. Always puts her first. The soft way he says ‘Chen’ then asks if she’s ok. It’s the little things I love so very much. ❤️

Emmett arrives on scene flirty as ever with Lucy. She decides to be honest with him. Tells him why she declined his date offer. That her social life is complicated right now. He is smooth af with his reply. Tells her once it’s not he’ll still be interested. Their scene ends pretty cute. This is so good for her. I’m really happy to see her get back out there. She really needed him to help her get over her DOD hump. Just like it’s nice to see Tim happy the same goes for Lucy. I love them both individually as as much as I do together. This cute flirt session is well deserved after all the trauma she’s been through.

Thus ends our episode for them. Such a damn good one for them. I love their building block episodes. They do depth and growth like no other. How I love them so.

Side Notes-Non Chenford

Nice to see Angela get her foot back in the door for Detective. Well earned after her fallout in S1.

Harper SL's and her backstory. Getting to watch her in UC action always fun to watch.

Thank you to those who take the time to like/comment and reblog. Means the world to me. Fuels me to do each review.

See you all in 2x18 :)

[ryuichirou]

I want to share some GreenViolet headcanon with you!!!

This is their song

They cling when cuddling

As per lion traits, Herman saves a portion of food for Greg

As per wolf ways, Greg smells shit before he eats them or use them

Herman gets nightmares of his murder a lot and only holding Greg close and inhaling his old paint and house flower scent would calm him down enough to talk until he's asleep

Legit that bitch cried when Greg fainted and Edgar and Lawrence tried to calm him down but didn't work

They started dating right after becoming Prefects but remained a secret until Edgar and Lawrence almost walked on them making out before the Midnight Tea Party and finally said they're dating to their friends and their both like "I-It was supposed to be a secret-"

They are switches your honor!

They used to hork it a lot in school, no one questioned why Greg was in Green Lion House in the middle of the night if they saw him cause "oh they're doing some Prefect shit"

Greg secretly has lots of sketches of Herman and will DIE BEFORE SHOWING ANYONE

Hiii, first of all! As always, I am very sorry for the late reply, and I want to thank you for liking our GreenViolet content and creating more of it! I am so happy that these two are a thing now….

Second of all, thank you for sharing your headcanons with us! They are cute and fun and I agree with a lot of them, especially the ones that nod to their lion/wolf themes. It’s also kind of fun to think about them being together and sleeping with each other and kind of hiding it, but also kind being not being able to keep a secret from their friends…

Oh and the song is lovely and very fitting!

In response, both as an apology for a late reply and frankly just because I needed an excuse to do it lol, I’ll share our headcanons for these two. This is a slightly different vision from yours (well obviously), and we don’t see them as switches, but I still hope you’ll enjoy these.

Gregory has been crushing hard on Herman for a long time, but he is horrible at opening up to someone, and Herman is horrible at getting hints, so it’ll take them some time to get together. But once the light bulb above Herman’s head lights up, he’ll pounce at Gregory and will never leave him alone lol the guy is intense.

Gregory is sure that Herman is more of a sensitive romantic out of the two of them (and a very naive one at that), but he is also quite a sensitive romantic himself. The smallest things that Herman does could get a reaction out of him, like a smile, a touch, a kind gesture or a word of support. Even if Gregory scoffs, his heart starts beating faster.

Gregory’s teasing of Herman is basically his weird way of flirting. He can’t flirt with him openly, because it’s too embarrassing (and a bit scary), so he just messes with him. Although, when he gets a bit aggressive (like when he threw a piece of bread at him), he is likely frustrated because Herman is, once again, horrible at getting hints.

Just like you said: Gregory has A LOT of sketches of Herman: some are neutral, like portraits and stuff, but some are more explicit. No one will ever see these, especially not Herman. Although poor Herman never gets to see any of Gregory’s artworks…

It’s not unusual for Gregory to watch Herman’s cricket games and training, but he is usually very stealthy about it: he knows where to sit to stay unnoticed by others. He goes there both to stare and to sketch, doing extremely important studies of certain Herman’s body parts…

Gregory would kiiinda like for Herman to model for him without any clothes, but it would be quite difficult for him to gather the courage to ask Herman about it. Even though Herman would never refuse. Anything for his friend’s art!

They have gotten really close after “the incident”. If they haven’t gotten together before this point, they’ll definitely start sleeping with each other afterwards. There is this air of “well, there’s nothing to lose anymore” between them, so it all happened naturally. But also very passionately and desperately.

Herman was quite surprised by Gregory’s sexual energy at first, and by how eager Gregory was to try some things. As we know, Herman is kind of a horny boy himself, but for some reason he always assumed that Gregory is just way too immersed with his artistic world to even have desires or any interest in sex. He was so wrong with his perception…

Gregory is kinkier than Herman in general, but it doesn’t mean that Herman is vanilla by nature. He is just too “simple” and never thinks about these things. But he is also quite eager and ready for anything, even if he didn’t know it was a thing a moment ago.

Herman always says that he’ll be gentle, and it’s always a lie because Herman’s head stops working the moment he touches Gregory’s skin under his clothes. In fact, he is quite intense, but Gregory really enjoys all the bite marks, bruises and hickeys he has all over his neck/shoulders, wrists and thighs. The fact that they are completely covered by his cloak and that not a single person knows what happens under his clothes kind of tingles him pleasantly.

[fanficfish]

a couple of persona 4 headcanons

Just a list of my Persona 4/affiliated media headcanons (I really hope this doesn’t get buried lmfao…also before you ask no I don’t normally post persona I kinda got hooked through the Honkai SR fandom. What can I say, Yu’s very relatable about not wanting to upset and needing to protect the cute kid calling you “big bro”)

I have no idea what’s going on with the whole “Teddie lives with Yosuke” thing because I have literally searched up everything (don’t ask about my youtube watch history please) and here’s my take on it: Yosuke basically came home with a Teddie in tow, presented him as a guy with nowhere to go who was willing to work for his keep, stuffed him in his closet because the “spare bedroom” is his dad’s home office or something, and at some point the Hanamuras just accepted they have two sons now because how can you not like sweet, innocent, naive-but helpful Teddie? Also Yosuke played Teddie’s disappearance off as him being at Yu’s or something. I have no idea how that man pulled this off but it worked. (yes I”m a sucker for hanabros)

I still can’t decide which i prefer: Yu x Yosuke or Yu x Rise (I do like the idea that RIse grabbed Yu, flung him over her shoulder, and marched off into the sunset, though like…have you seen the Persona 4 partner dances???)

I’m actually kinda surprised Yu just goes back to wherever he came from for his third year, like just stay in Inaba for your last year of highschool? You already stayed a whole year. And he canonically has parents who are away a lot on business. But to make sense of this, I propose: He goes back only because the school he’s going to gives him a leg up into the uni he wants to go to (which is understandable. Inaba is a tiny rural town in the middle of nowhere, he’ll probably get some better connections in a city school or something). He definitely comes back on every holidays possible, and messages his friends so often that his new friends at his other school are just like “bro….please at least wear the right uniform….”

RIse’s idol group starts flinging around wild theories on what she did during her year-long break. It ranges from everything from hooking up with three different guys (they spied on her while she was doing a video call with the others (FaceTime apparently existed in 2012, which I kinda forgot about. I think the flip phones kinda just threw me off.)

Yukiko and Chie definitely get together. Have you seen those two? They’re definitely roommates, at the last.

At some point someone asks about Teddie’s bear costume, and Yosuke covers up by saying Kanji made some alterations to it. Kanji does not approve, and Yosuke is seen later running through Inaba with an angry Kanji on his heels.

Also that new outfit Teddie wears in the epilogue of Golden? That’s just Yosuke’s old stuff - Teddie still wears the first human clothes he ever got for fancy occasions, but between Yosuke and Chie they manage to talk him into regular stuff. 

And they definitely have a running joke where they introduce Teddie as an exchange student from France (with that bright blond hair and Ouran Host Club-esque style choices, it was bound to happen) whenever they meet someone new. Yosuke knows Teddie will play along anyways, but buys him sweet treats as a bribe anyways. They usually drop the act pretty quite, but it’s really funny for the Hanabros. Especially if Teddie is crossdressing, because that man totally kept his Alice outfit. 

Kanji, unfortunately for Yosuke, uses Teddie as a model whenever he decides to get creative. Yosuke is considering getting a second closet because Teddie shares most of Yosuke’s old stuff. Like clothes (Yosuke is the only one who has stuff in Teddie’s size, and Teddie’s growing a bit anyways), In the winter, Teddie regularly shows up to places wearing Yosuke’s sweaters and jackets, and Yosuke is just thankful that Kanji makes Teddie stuff like that in Yosuke’s size so both of them can wear it. 

TImeskip: Nanako moves to the city with Yu for highschool, so she can attend a more liberal-arts focussed school. Yu doesn’t mind (he’s like, 26 at this point, and probably works some kind of office job (he likes a bit of quiet in his life, after the chaos called his teenage years and having famous idol Rise Kujikawa as a mate) (and also he gets free Nanako time) and Dojima, finally taking more breaks from work, sometimes drops in to say hi and maybe buy dinner.

Yu also gets to shovel talk Nanko’s first boyfriend. Nanko has to spend half an hour reassuring him that Yu is actually in fact a really nice guy….and then turns around to see Yosuke and Rise waiting for their turn to shoveltalk. And while Yu is scary, having your girlfriend’s older brother’s brofriend and Risette staring you down was not a good follow up. Nanako is rightfully mortified, Yu does in fact bake apology cookies, and Yosuke and Risette manage to drag the couple into an impromptu dance session to ease the tension just a little after nearly scaring the poor kid half to death. (The poor kid is someone in the Phantom Theives, because I saw a really cool AU on AO3 and it lives rent-free in my head. And I like the idea of Nanako becoming a Phantom Thief because “it runs in the family, thanks a lot Yu >:l “

Naoto ends up taking Aketchi under her wing. Does she mind? I mean, to her he’s not entirely horrible. Is she pleased with his actions? …that’s debatable

Inaba becomes known for having great weather. Except for the one time Marie catches a bug going around the town, that ends up behind a horrible mid-January snowstorm. .

Those are the ones I have right now. I’m still working my way through everything (HSR is taking over my brain, I love the Astral Express crew dynamic-)

(also I'm really disappointed we didn't get human Teddie dancing with the others. I need that boost of serotine of watching Yosuke and human Teddie try to dance together.)

[shipcestuous-two]

How I Live Now

At long last, I finally managed to borrow my library’s copy of How I Live Now. I read your thoughts on the movie ages ago, but I haven’t seen the movie myself. So here’s my thoughts on the book!

First of all, shipping aside, I love Daisy’s narrative voice. She feels so much like any normal 15-year-old girl–mostly concerned with herself and her friends/family, compared to what’s going on on a nationwide/global scale–and so it makes for a really unique experience with the events of the novel. It feels a lot realer for that reason. Like, “sure there’s a war going on. I am concerned with hanging out with my English cousins and being without adults for the first time in my life and smooching a cute boy every chance I get (who also just happens to be my cousin). Also we have a kind of psychic soulmate connection.” You know, just normal teenager stuff. Except the last bit.

You mentioned that in the movie, there’s no commentary on “this is wrong, we’re cousins, we can’t” and how refreshing that is. The book is similar enough to that. There’s maybe a few mentions of how society would frown on it, but it’s not just the cousins thing. Daisy reflects that people would maybe be unhappy with her and Edmond hooking up every chance they get because they’re “too young and too related,” as if them being 15 and 14 respectively is just as much an issue as them being first cousins. It doesn’t seem to bother either of them on a personal level, just a vague background realization that other people wouldn’t like it.

(And of course, Piper and Isaac–2 of Edmond’s siblings/Daisy’s other cousins–are aware of it and don’t care. Piper is quite encouraging of it! We love her for this.)

Also, it subverts the usual incest trope of “this is only happening because we’re in a screwed up situation.” There are sparks between them from the second they lay eyes on each other. Sure, the situation probably speeds up the process of them getting together, but that’s more because they’re without adult supervision. It happens before the war stuff gets really bad, so it’s basically just the expected result of leaving two teenagers who are attracted to each other alone unsupervised (except by one’s oft-absent and barely-older brother).

Speaking of the attraction at first sight–I think you mentioned that in the book, Isaac is younger than Edmond? In the book, they’re twins, and other than their eye colors, they’re basically identical. Which I feel makes the Daisy/Edmond attraction more special. She isn’t just attracted to him because he’s handsome, or else she’d be hot for both the twins. She falls for Edmond because of how caring, attentive, and special he is as a person.

Even if they’re so young, it’s clearly not a fleeting crush. As evidenced by the fact that, even when Daisy is forced back to America for 6 whole years, she never finds anyone else, and vice versa. They’re still thinking about each other, imagining a future together, until at last, England finally opens its borders again and Daisy can finally come home to Edmond and the others.

You also compared the two to Katniss and Peeta from The Hunger Games, and that’s a really good comparison. Even if Daisy starts as an everygirl, she grows into a survivor–she keeps being jerked around by adults with power over her, but still moving forward and living on for the boy she loves and her little sister figure (more on Piper in a bit). And Edmond is so insightful and too kind-hearted for such a terrible war, and those events and being separated from Daisy break him apart. But in the end, they help put each other back together again, falling right back into place even after 6 years apart. It’s a wonderful love story that I’d ship even if they weren’t cousins, but they are and that makes it even more special!

Anyway, if Daisy is Katniss, then her youngest cousin Piper is her Prim. They’re cousins by blood, but become sisters by circumstance (Piper directly says Daisy is the sister she always wanted–not to mention, they’ll also be sisters-in-law one day). Their relationship is the focus of half the novel, when Edmond and Daisy are separated, and their bond is so sweet.

I do feel weird shipping it since Piper is 9 and Daisy is 15, and even at the very end, Piper is only 15. But I can at least see Piper as having a one-sided crush on her cool older cousin who’s always looking out for her. I mean, could you blame her?

And thankfully, unlike a certain other series we’re paralleling, they both survive. A really touching line near the end of the book is when Daisy says, “By saving Piper, I saved myself.” If Daisy had been alone, she probably couldn’t have kept going, but she had Piper to take care of. Piper to keep her pushing forward, to keep her occupied and keep her spirits from sinking too low. Neither of them could have survived without each other.

Even when they haven’t seen each other in 6 years, they also fall right back into the same sisterly dynamic when they’re finally able to meet again, even if Daisy also doesn’t recognize her at first, with how much she’s grown (I feel like it’s a deliberate choice by the author to make Piper now the same age as Daisy was when the events started, but that’s not relevant here). Piper has been forced to take on the role of an adult far too young, just like Daisy and Piper’s brothers did, and it sucks but at least now, she can have Daisy back for support.

Also adding to the Prim parallel, I love how Piper and Daisy’s personalities are different but complement each other well. Kind of like Prim, Piper is simultaneously the sweetest human being ever (especially in her narrator relative’s eyes) but also wise beyond her years, serious and devoted to taking care of other people. Her kindness endears people to her and Daisy, even when Daisy is more aloof. And even if Piper is young, she’s always looking out for people just like Edmond.

(The siblings’ relationships–while we don’t see as much of them–are still compelling in themselves, and if not for Daisy, I’d probably ship at least one pair of them. They’re sweet and have a lot in common. Not to mention that one spoilery thing where Isaac and Edmond disagree on whether to leave the group they’re with and fight for what’s apparently the first time ever, and it’s really difficult.)

sorry to talk at such length. I planned this to be half the length, but I just finished the book and I have so many thoughts. It’s a quick read, yet it has quite a lot to say. Even without the shipcest, I’d give it five stars, but the fact that we get a Katniss/Peeta-esque love story between cousins–and it’s never really viewed as an issue!–makes it incredible. Six out of five stars from me.

I was just looking up on the movie and a couple more changes: Isaac lives in the book. and also, I mentioned the 3 siblings have an oldest brother Osbert who's 16. I do see why they cut the latter from the movie for time--he isn't that relevant--but I don't know how I feel about the movie making the choice to kill Isaac. Maybe just to intensify Daisy and Piper's despair? but killing one twin (as they are in the book) is always too mean for me

--

[my movie commentary]

Thanks so much for sharing all of these thoughts with us and giving us a book report on the ships. It’s always really interesting to learn about the book, and differences and such. Sounds like a good read and what we like about the movie is in there. 

The sisters/cousins relationship between Piper and Daisy is really sweet, too. 

What a treasure this story is.

[hisui-cotton]

It’s interesting to see how long fashion can last beyond it’s presentation. It’s not uncommon to see styles or trends come back around but another aspect of it within media is how integral it can be to the show’s image. When you think of a character, you think of how they dress too. Good costume design can bring a full image together or reflect a new side of someone. Games can implement skins, armor, and character customization to express new sides of a character or allow players to create looks that directly reflect the outfit’s origins. Today though I want to talk about 2 shows, One Piece Live Action and Buffy. I'd like to ruminate about some of the outfits I loved and how the outfits added to the shows unique and iconic imagery not by being just stylish but relevant to characterization of these already iconic characters.

My favorite two outfits from the One Piece Live Action were Nami and Luffy’s Baratie outfits. I feel like Nami’s was both poppy and cute, a Pink top and Orange pleated skirt, in the realm of party wear whereas some of her other outfits were more obviously for comfort on the sea or in combat. The way Emily Rudd wore it was also very confident which I feel is important for the character. Part of what I think makes Nami’s strength and so great is her own confidence and will, where she will confidently take the action she believes. Likewise Luffy’s outfit is a bit more of a modern casual version of his usual outfit but still works for his character. Luffy’s usual clothes are supposed to be ones he happened to have found, where as these feel like some he perhaps got before leaving Syrup Village as they’re much cleaner. The style of them though is still super fun, almost childish, and just similar enough to his usual that you don’t feel a difference in his presentation. Iñaki Godoy has a really energetic and in some ways naïve play of Luffy and so the outfit and the it fits that makes it feel like something Luffy would wear with blue jean overalls and a bright red hooded t-shirt.

For One Piece it’s not too hard to figure out how it can be so distinctly styled. Oda’s art and designs are fairly unique. If you see Luffy’s outfit off of Luffy, it’s still recognizably his outfit. But what was kind of unexpected within the show was that even in other outfits they always felt like something he’d wear. Most of the costumes were adapted from Oda’s Color Walk 1 and 2 but costume designer Diana Cilliers has mentioned that there were costume changes made for function and to better fit the cast in ways. But it’s fun to know that it wasn’t just actors and set designers trying to recognize Oda’s vision for the world but also the costume designers trying to bring more of his work directly into the production.

I think this is a good vision for the show to go by too. Taking the both iconic characters and Oda’s sense of design for them and making it integral to the iconography of live action’s production, recognizing that the clothing and fashion of the world is just as important, is wonderful.

Now you may be wondering how I am transition to Buffy in this or how I even relate these two together. Actually I had seen Buffy a lot when I was younger, my mom and Aunt watched it quite a lot. From time to time they also like to rewatch old shows while doing chores and stuff just as background noise. At the time OPLA came out, my mom happened to be rewatching Buffy and something about how stylish Buffy was stuck with me the same way I was noticing OPLA was really stylish. Thats about how they ended up being compared in my case but something I noticed actually was how both felt like they tried to authentically represent and evolve the characters outfits.

In One Piece where the outfits are more involved with the characters and clothing functionality, Buffy’s feels more about the way it grounds the fantasy of the world in Sunnydale and it’s time. Buffy has returned to the fashion zeitgeist as Y2K fashion has made a some back in many places. Which makes sense with the way the show has a pretty iconic sense of fashion. Buffy and Willow both have the most distinct styles in the show an that definitely left a note on the fashion culture at the time. Within Buffy it’s pretty interesting to note that not all the outfits were bought or pieced from everyday fashion, some were specifically designed and made for the show. A lot of the ones that were bought were also sourced from around LA and it’s surrounding cities, the closest thing to Sunnydale there probably is. In one interview for Paper Magazine Cynthia Bergstrom mentions the brands Ver Wang which was located in Beverly Hills, Mark Wong Nark who had a store on Sunset Blvd and Cynthia Rowley out by the coast and south of LA and Huntington Beach.

Just as much as the show set trends in style, leaving ever iconic looks for characters, it also captured a lot of the actual clothes of the time. Willow’s clothing evolution is probably the one most people recognize across the series. Going from varied, almost hand me down fashion, to an almost casual punk or alternative style. From there it kind of naturally matures into outfits that feel more mature overall. One of my favorites though is from the episode where she meets Tara during a Wicca Group meeting. The episode is HUSH, a well known episode for being one of the more terrifying ones based on the idea of silence and terrors that lurk in that and take advantage of that. Willow’s outfit that I like has probably one of my favorite balances to match her personality and budding interest in this dark power in her. It has this cute cropped pink sweater and jean-patchworked Maxi skirt. It feels like it’s somewhere between the sweet and kind Willow and then the alternative grungy-naturalistic aesthetics of magic. In a lot of interviews it sounds like Willow was one of the easiest to style for and it shows quiet well. Willow always has a developing style all the time but it’s a very natural and understandable one and I love being able to see that.

The other outfit in this show I absolutely LOVE is from another legendary episode, Band Candy. Joyce, Buffy’s mom, and Giles, Buffy’s Mentor, essentially get their brains turned to teen-age from the chocolate sold from the school. Technically all adults who eat the chocolate get affected but we’re focusing on these two because Joyce looks great. Stacy’s mom? NO! Buffy’s mom. She and Giles go on a trek through the chaos that ripples through the town. Giles being the british-punk warlock he is steals a coat she wants from a shop window by tossing a trash can through it. Now when I say Joyce looks great in this episode I mean it’s undeniably one of the best outfits in the series. With suede (?) knee-high boots, a short formfitting skirt and the layered, ankle length jackets, one of which topped with an almost fur like feather collar, on top of a nice pastel V-neck shirt, is one of the most cohesive and timeless outfits seen in the run of the show. Giles’s outfit also fits this episodes' event change where he rolls his t-shirt sleeves up with a plaid shirt tied around his waist and plain jeans. It’s really simple but echos the general look of the younger punk scene Giles likely was a part of in his youth.

What I feel makes Joyce’s outfit stand out as iconic though is how it showcases something that actually people saw in a recent tiktok trend. People were swapping clothes with their parents and it made a lot of their parents look a lot younger. In many ways it showcased how style trends not just across time but across age can be irrelevant because of how the fashion itself is worn. A newer style and a certain level of trends can really affect the way a person’s age can present themself. When Joyce wears this outfit along with her acting younger it feels cohesive. The way she wears it and how it looks together, just like with Nami, Luffy or Willow, plays into the relevant parts of the character. She is teenage brained from a story standpoint but from a visual standpoint it helps to actually showcase that difference by evolving her outfit. Yet it still feels like her, not just because we see her in it but because of what we see in Joyce’s character in the rest of the series. She enjoys art, she jokes with Buffy and her friends a lot, and in being Buffy’s mom has raised her to be confident and fight for herself, even if she hadn’t always known Buffy was the Slayer. There is a deeper character that may not dress the way she does in Band Candy all the time, but has an origin and side to herself that would dress like that.

So when I say Fashion is always relevant, it’s not just a statement on how relevant it can be to a time. Most of what makes it so relevant in storytelling is the character and how believable it can be to see that outfit or costuming applied to said character. In live action series this can add a really thoughtful layer and be used to develop subtle, or overt, storytelling points. So when you find your next favorite show, see how much your impression and idea of the characters comes from how they dress. It might surprise you to see just how much it can change with a few outfit differences.

Anyways I’m no style expert, I just wanted to talk about some cool feelings I had over the fashion in these shows. Above is the full body picture I drew as a nice little doodle of the outfits I talked about here (You can also see part of it in the header for this post). Hope you like it. Here are all my sources and interviews I read to write this up:

Buffy:

One Piece:

[vacantgodling]

1, 6, and 7

thank you!!! this was the answer tumblr fucking ate originally 💀

1. Who was your first ever OC? Do you still “use” them? How have they evolved over time?

first ever oc was one i made when i was like 3-4 with my grandma and i called her nature girl. she was a superhero plant woman fairy thing—very inspired by that one green fairy from neopets as i got older lol. but i don’t use her at all she’s not really my style anymore tho i do still enjoy fairies. i think it’d be interesting to try and give her a form or design—a revamp of some sort, and i tried in like 2015 i think but i don’t feel like trying to find that sketchbook lol. it doesn’t do her justice but maybe i’ll try again one day.

6. Do you have any OCs without stories? Will you ever create one for them?

quite a bit but sorta—mostly bc all of my characters have at least a bare bones general gist about them? however between characters i only draw or characters that were abandoned from old wips with my ex/roleplays that i don’t do anymore i do have some. i usually try to repurpose these ocs; like di, toph, quill, red, hel (all came from the same now defunct universe for example) but there are some that just kind of exist in limbo bc they’re so tied to their stories i can’t figure out what to do with them (an example is aslin rou eliduel; a fae esque dude) or i just can’t think of much to do with them (like utah & gator as an example). soooo i wanna do stuff with all my ideas if i can but i’ve accepted that sometimes it takes time or maybe it won’t happen at all lol.

7. What are your favourite relationships between your OCs? (romantic or platonic!)

i have a LOOOOT of favorite relationships across my wips. amon & hya are the obvious chief otp but here are some of my other favorites:

TCOL: by nature of having a huge cast i have a lot of favorite relationships but clear x forte, lath & ensio (i’m extremely not normal about them), piper & saith (ugh… the unrequited really hits the spot for me idk), erik x dion (THEM!!!!!), cameron x jihi (ouGhHh), and altair x charissa i’m not normal about

carlos & jenna from TLSS are my literal everything do not separate. also the polycule from donut wip of julissa, andres, saul, daisy, and joaquin is 🤌🏾🤌🏾. juls and juvia’s sisterhood makes me emo also

GOD EATER: not normal about naveah & little bear or taj x thei or the four of them in any aspect. also while lucifer x ava / lucifer x kyu is SLIGHT crack i’m still 👀

TGWD: definitely graves and dove but that’s obvious

VDTRT: aside from darren x gabe, dave x estel (crackish but it’s lowkey canon to me), corsel x blackpeak, and raymond x laurent (ESPECIALLY THESE TWO OHHHHHHHH MY GOD) do it for me

dead rites: i mean n x bibi for sure. you’ll notice the pattern that i make wips based on the relationships i’m not normal about 8 times out of 10

LR: di x toph but also trish x nix they are so cute i’m obsessed with them and their little family. nix & toph’s friendship also makes me mad emo, and beki, crispin, rill are chefs kiss (besties)

ALIZATH: kirsi x juven x amarette might become a thing bc i’m kinda 👀👀

PURPLE HAZE: calvin & jake’s friendship means the world to me but also jake x luke i’m not normal about and jenny x ramone are ADORABLE

MOUNT HEREDOSA: i mean. nyoka x verin are boning and that’s the whole story

NAD: the friendship between nyseah, don, and alona makes me emo. the found family is so strong in this wip esp among nyssie and all her kiddos :((((

GOTHICA: genuinely surprised at how attached i got to len x aurora x mori

THE WHITE SHIRTS: marin x prosper are a… guilty pleasure of mine.

SUPERNATURAL DADS: i mean hue x jihan

CELESTIAL WEDDINGS: is all about relationships but i’m specifically feral about dag x lillia (UGHHHh), dag x aenlin (obsessed with them a LOT), dag x vigustav (OUGHHHHHHHH), and dag x zhujen (emotional damage). also dag x almine is just extremely hot thanks.

SIXTEEN CANDLES: i’m biased about ranger x nanette

TEARDROPS: QUILL AND CINN EMOTIONALLY HEALTHY EXES WHO ARE RIDE OR DIE FOR EACH OTHER HAVE MY WHOLE HEART

RED DEATH: red and hel im just *vibrates*

PERI & DANDY: peri x dandy bc it’s basically selfcest but it isn’t and i love them and they love each other, but also emotional about she x he :(((((( them :((((

DREAM TEAM: the four hooligans and their wild ass friendship (oliver, britt, seth, & danny)

MARVIN AND LINDA: i mean it’s in the name. they’re full of pain.

[darabeatha]

    /  ok so! I don’t know about yq’s favs but I can talk about what would be my Daybit’s favorites dinos; which I will limit to a small list from diff periods in no specific order;

T-rex: This is a pretty common favorite if not the most easy to recognize; probably one if not the first dinosaurs that would come to someone’s mind when mentioning dinos as a whole. He likes them because they are easy to talk about with others (As he is not the smoothest talker out there) as there is usually a general idea about them even if a lot of it is still founded on old movies and information about them like as an example; the idea that t-rex had this massive roar, recent studies have concluded that bc of the way their skulls were formed + their closest relatives alongside other proof, they could have not been able to do anything more than closed mouth vocalizations, something like a deep hiss/grunt; test sounds actually sound even more scary than the roars. As such this goes on; in all truth. he doesn’t really mind this and would just inform you about what differs.

Therizinosaurus: He finds it curious the rather unusual anatomy of this one; although a lot of dinosaurs did use to have short forelimbs, this one is very unique as it used to be the dino with the (or one of the) longest claws reaching aprox 50+cm in lenght with very lil curvature, kind of like scissors tbh (picture down below for ref), despite this, I read that there’s a possibility they were herbivores bc of its possible ties with other mammals (principally herbivores) and that their long claws were useful for tearing through vegetation more easily rather than them being used for attacking and stuff. He likes this one bc despite its intimidating appearance, it is not what it shows to be.

troodon: chicken looking (Headcanon that daybit likes birds as association to dinos so true-), colorful. Actually had a remarkable brain size in relation to its overall size + compared to other current reptiles which led to think that this guy could have been maybe as smart as some of our current birds. Probably had some big ol eyes at that too. Kind of cute

Sauroposeidon: one of the biggest ones, so big that initially their fossils were thought to be pieces of petrified wood; which makes sense as their necks are so long that they looked more like trunks of trees rather than a neck. He likes this one because its so tall it looks quite surreal, he’ll stand in a museum and look up for a long while thinking about his own physical insignificance-

honorable mentions that i won’t write about but that are interesting to him; linhenykus, psittacosaurus, helicoprion (shark tm), dunkleosteus, deinocheirus