#useless ass medical system

[apollos-olives]

just fainted 😍😍😍😍😍😍🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🎀🎀🎀🎀🎀🎀🎀🎀🎀✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨

[iampikachuhearmeroar]

im sorry UTS, but WHAT on fucking earth is "creative intelligence and innovation"????? and why on earth would anyone studying nursing or midwifery need "entrepreneurship and innovation" as a double degree??

[roturo]

CRY FOR ME -dick grayson x f!reader

① NEW REQUEST FROM ANONYMOUS!: sex pollen, old lovers meet again.

→ summary: He loves you, he really does, but he left you. Months wondering why he did that had you crying for him, never ending the never-ending cycle of the abandoned by Dick Grayson wasn't in your to-do list. It's time to hit him with a smile, rather than a goodbye that would leave him wondering.

→ warnings: SMUT, angst, sex pollen, mating press, breeding kink, marking, fingering & oral (f receiving), mutlipes orgasms, overstimulation, mention of weight loss (but it's never specified how much or the weight of the reader exactly, neither a body type), hero into villain!reader, med student!reader, mentions of kory and dick being together but never in a relationship, reader is friends with harley quinn, reader was part of the og titans.

A/N: I'm really proud of this one, might even do pt2 if it gets support. -Words: 3.4k

TUMBLR IS BASED ON A REBLOG SYSTEM. PLEASE REBLOG MY WORK. THANK YOU. ENJOY. SMUT BELOW THE CUT.

¨And you know what I hate most of all that shit he put me through?, He-¨

¨Can you please stop talking about Dick Y/N? It's been MONTHS, damn it! almost a year! You're driving me nuts! I'm not even Dick's ex, or friend and I already hate him as much as you do. So let's move on.¨

¨You don't understand, I was a good girlfriend! Shit! I even became a hero for him! Now look where we are.¨

Harley laughs at your remark of how the tables have turned.

Both of you were sitting at the top of a building eating some ice-cream, which Harley insisted on steal from a random kid on the street, after robbing some random store she liked a collar from, you were now looking at how police officers where trying to look for a culpable of this crime.

It's been 11 months and 5 days since Dick broke up with you. You couldn't AND still don't understand why he did it, both of you were fine one day and the next one he decided, 'oh how could I destroy the woman of my dreams heart?, I know how! What if I tell her I don't need her anymore in my life and she's useless! then some months later fuck some fire princess and act like i'm a new person with this new suit and name! oh! also, re-do the titans! when my ex helped me do the og ones, helped when the fell apart but she's useless anyways!'

To say you weren't deep down for him, would be a lie. You don't know how he could keep laughing everyday knowing how his little trauma ass dumped you like trash. Well, if you're being honest he doesn't have a small ass, but that doesn't matter.

¨Aw, I want more ice-cream¨ Coming back to earth after some deep thoughts, Harley grabbed you by the wrists in order to change up and start looking some restaurant for dinner.

After changing clothes and Harley talking about how obsessed she´s with the Joker, you couldn't quite blame her, both of you were finally walking on the street, laughing at some random inside joke both of you had.

¨Huh.¨ Your phone started ringing and you could swear if it wasn't cold enough to freeze you up, the call was. ¨Who is it?¨ Harley asked, sneaking through your shoulder.

¨OH! Donna?, the cute girl you talked about?¨

¨Shhh, let me attend this call... Hello? Donna?¨

¨Y/N, um- hello! How are you? It's been what? one year since we don't talk?¨ ¨I'm... fine. How about you?¨

You were quite confused for this call, on the outside you're calm, but inside, you're freaking out.

¨I'm good, it's nice to hear you're doing fine!¨ ¨Thank you Donna, but I know you just don't call to ask how i'm doing, what's wrong?¨ ¨Oh well, you quite know me well Y/N, i'm sorry it seemed that way, but you're like the only person I know who could help us with some medical issues, you know? So I wanted to ask you if you could come and help us to deal with Conner, and maybe stay some days...? i'll explain you who he is and all of that later.¨ ¨Donna, you know i'm not longer on the me-¨

Harley pinched you in the arm, trying to talk but you were faster. ¨Ow Harley! Stop it!¨ You told your best friend in a whisper so Donna couldn't hear the both of you, also covering the microphone of your phone, for... extra precautions.

¨You don't understand! This is an awesome opportunity! You're going undercover in the titans tower! Imagine how crazy Jack (Jocker) would be! Say yes!¨

Thinking it for a few seconds, she was right, you could get some important information from them, it was indeed, an awesome plan.

¨Who knows, you might also see bird-boy again!¨ She said raising her eyebrows in a teasing way making you roll your eyes.

¨Y/N? Are you still there?¨

¨Yes, when do you need me to be there?¨

¨Erm... now if it's possible¨

You were now unpacking your suitcase, Donna told you to pack for at least a month, isn't that incredible?

You haven't come across any of the other titans, beside, Donna, Dawn, Gar, Rachel, Jason and Rose... Quite interesting team.

You didn't introduced well to the kids since you were in a hurry to enter your temporary room and not ran into someone else...

While you were unpacking your old tools Wayne gave you while you were their medical support 'hero' maybe also because you were a med student, you still helped with fights, bruises and hits.

You found the 'special' bandages you had for Dick, since the 'normal ones weren't soft enough for his bruises' a small smile appeared on your face at those old memories.

Now unpacking your clothes, you found three special lingerie underwear with a note from Harley:

'Just in case you have some fun ;)

xx Harley~'

The note made you roll your eyes but you couldn't deny it brighten your mood, throwing away the not and putting aside the 'Harley present', you continued unpacking your clothes, you brought in a separate case for your suit, just in case.

¨Y/N! Can you come here?¨

¨Coming!¨ maybe you could order the clothes other time.

When you entered the living room, the kids were no longer there, except Jason.

They started explaining you what happened between Deathstroke and what they know about Conner, you were paying attention to know what you're dealing with, you haven't even realize Dick came in sight until Dawn mentioned it.

But Dick didn't came alone, he was next fire princess which you couldn't care less to investigate her name when you found out about Dick meeting her.

¨Oh Dick! We brought Y/N so she could help us with Conner, since we don't have anyone else who knows about this weird medical stuff.¨ They know what happened between you two, and they still decided to ask for your help knowing he's going to be here.

You stood up from the sofa, eyes locking with his, you couldn't longer see the coldness in his eyes, but there wasn't warm either, you couldn't quite decipher what he's feeling.

¨Kory¨ She gave you her hand at which you responded with your name and doing the same. You locked eyes with her for a brief moment, a small smirk appeared in your face but disappeared once the greeting finished.

¨Y/N.¨ You locked eyes with him, a tension only the two of you could feel. You were different, much prettier, you lose some weight too, blame it on the break-up depression, but you were shining.

¨Grayson.¨ Hearing you say his last name instead of his name he could feel a small part of him getting shattered inside him, you changed.

After checking on Conner and taking some notes, it was finally night time, you were eating some cereal, knowing more about Gar and Rachel, Kory, Dawn, Donna and Robin were dressed up with their suits.

¨We have some issues to deal tonight with another troublemaker, nothing serious though, just a one night problem.¨ Dick announced while getting ready to go out.

¨Y/N, you should come! Maybe warm out a little like the old times." Dawn invited you, how nice of her, only if she knew you were also a troublemaker.

¨No thank you, i'm only here for medical support.¨ You gave her a small smile and said your goonights.

Some knocking in your door woke you up, it only passes one hour since you went asleep and they're already annoying you, first day!

¨Y/N? Are you awake?¨ You heard Dawn saying though the door.

¨Mmh¨ You replied.

¨We need you, it's Dick.¨

Even more annoying.

You walked next Dawn through the halls until you finally came into Dick´s room. Inside they were Donna and Kory, clearly concerned about his well being.

His behavior seemed, weird, there wasn’t any bruises or cuts, not even blood. He was just twisting in pain on his bed. You stepped closer to him, and got your hand on top of his forehead at which he only whined, that scared you, since it sounded more like a moan than a whine. He was hot, sweating and moving a lot.

You had your suspicions what this could be, but you needed to confirm it, this can't be real.

¨Can you please... tell me with which villain you fought with?¨

¨Ivy¨ Donna said.

Shit.

¨I need to make a call¨ you quickly said running out of the room.

¨Surprise, surprise!¨ Harley said in her taunting tone. ¨Oh my god Harley, I can't believe you.¨ ¨Well, you know a girl needs to help her best friend, so... I called another friend and voilà!¨ ¨What am I supposed to do? I don't have the fucking cure for sex pollen Harley! I owe you one, can't believe Ivy did this for me.¨ ¨You just said it, sex. C´mon Y/N!, it's your moment to play with him! He had you like a sad girl, why don't turn her into a mad girl? Make him cry for you. Break his heart like he did with you.

You ended the call, and just in time, Kory came. ¨Y/N, we need you Dick keeps talking about you and rambling about some stupid things.¨ You could sense a strange behavior from her, like if she just discovered something big.

Watching Dick twisting in pain and saying your name in just some black briefs felt good. You can't lie to yourself Harley was right.

¨It's sex pollen¨ You admitted.

¨And what's the cure? Do you have it? That's why you made the call?¨ Donna asked.

¨No, the only cure for it it's well... sex. The pollen might last for at-least 3 days or even a week, symptoms are well... extremely high sex-drive, dehydration, high temperatures, and... I think that's all.¨

Donna chuckled at what happened to Dick, ¨Let's go girls, let's leave this to Kory.¨ Dawn just laughed at a very shocked and blushed Kory, ¨Don't be like that Donna, Kory and Dick haven't confirmed anything yet.¨ You felt your jaw clenching, but decided to act calm, and when all of you were almost leaving, you were stopped.

¨No. I want her.¨ Dick said, pointing towards you. All of you stayed quiet at the sudden confession. You were shocked to say at least, blood rushing to your cheeks, you were about to leave that damn room until you remembered what Harley said.

Cry for me.

Donna grabbed your shoulder, looking at you. ¨You don't have to do this if you're uncomfortable.¨

¨No. It's okay, i'm in.¨

After mentally preparing yourself, bringing some water bottles into the room, they left you alone with him.

You sat next to him on his bed, memories came back flying around the both of you.

¨Look, I know that-¨ He completely cut you off when he started kissing you, making you lay down on the bed, you left a small moan when he broke the kiss for a moment.¨Oh my god, you don't know how much I wanted to kiss you again.¨

Did he missed you? Every question that came to your mind was easily erased when he started kissing and sucking your neck while unbuckling your jeans and taking them down with your underwear, he pulled apart to admire the bruises he left, he grabbed your panties and threw them to his nightstand.

He started kissing your thighs, making small pauses on each to make sure he's marking you as his again. Every time he went higher until he gave a small peck on your clit. ¨I can't wait to taste you sweetheart.¨ There it is... the nickname.

He got your legs over his shoulders and gave a testing long lick on your pussy, teasing your hole. At which he started sucking your clit once he heard the high pitched moan you did when he teases your hole.

His started spelling his name with his tongue on your pussy at which it only made you hornier, suddenly he inserted his index finger inside you. Dick sped up, fingers now flicking in and out of you at light speed, nose pressed into your clit, and before you knew it you were cumming, shuddering on his mouth, crying out his name.  Quickly he took all the remaining clothes from you and him, now both of you completely naked for each-other.

He was rock hard. No, scratch that, his cock looked like it was made of fucking ruby. Red and painful and already half-soaked with pre-cum.

He pressed your legs impossibly closer to your torso, moving down to meet your eyes, until you were folded in half beneath him, legs on his shoulders, putting you into a—

Oh. 

Oh. 

This was going to be a long night.

He fell on his forearms, and you wondered how much more you could take- He laced his fingers on top of your head, thumbs on your forehead, holding you still. He mumbled out another gonna make you feel s’ good before pounding you in earnest, practically bouncing you both on his mattress. His balls smacked against your ass, and the feeling was so damn satisfying that he just had to go harder. You would sport matching bruises tomorrow, his hips on your ass. You pushed out moans in time with his unforgiving pace, a metronome playing the beat to which his sanity danced away from him. 

“More?” He sounded fucking pathetic, like he was asking himself that, his voice octaves higher than it usually was, but he didn’t care. “More, you little slut? That what you want? You want more?”

“I’ll give you more,” he babbled, “More, baby, give you more give you everythin’ gonna fuck you so hard you won’t walk for weeks.”

He’s not too worried about hurting you—you’re already so wet—more that he’s afraid he’ll cum the second he starts moving again. Out of his previous partners, he doesn’t think any of them have felt this good around him.

“Please-” a strand of incomprehensible begs and pleads leaves his mouth when he starts thrusting into you again.

¨Shit- how are you even tighter huh? You've been keeping this tight pussy just for me?¨ He's a whiny mess, small kisses every time he cans, praises here and there.

“Mmm yes please yes please yesyesyesss—” was all you could manage. He laughed at you, breathless, and you wondered how he could keep up this pace and still rattle off incredibly filthy little comments, looking right in your eyes. 

“You’d like that? Yeah? Gon’ look so pretty, little baby, so pretty full of my child, yeah? All round and glowing and heavy with me. All of ’em will look at you and see me, all me, see that I did that. You want that? You want that you want that—”

He leans forward to coo praise into your ear, gently nipping at your earlobe. Goosebumps raise along your exposed flesh. The sound of skin slapping on skin echoes through the stairwell. Sometime during this his teeth find the soft muscle of your neck, leaving a crescent shape mark that’ll certainly bruise in the morning.

You're pretty sure everyone on this tower have heard the both of you fucking like rabbits by now, but knowing this was going to follow him his whole life, with the memories of him fucking you every way possible just so you could leave him, it's all you need to don't care about that.

The first time he cums, he doesn’t even realize he has. He shudders. It felt good—a bit too good—but nothing out of the ordinary. It makes him do a double take. His cock doesn’t even go soft. Drips of cum run down your thighs, pooling on the bed-sheets beneath you.

His thumb traces circles around your clit, moving in erratic, uneven motions. Dick leans back down for another kiss. You can taste yourself on him, though it’s not entirely unpleasant. Your arms wrap around his neck, holding him to your chest. The two of you can only fuck and cum until you’re too exhausted to continue. You’ve never felt so full. The thought of using protection crossed your mind once—and only for a moment—the pollen leaving you too desperate to care.

Second day and he wouldn't give you a break to nap for a minute.

His body curved and bowed, hips pressed hard against you, arms below your body and hands gripping your shoulders. “Mmm fuck baby,” Dick muttered into your mouth, your moans coming out of you almost breathless. “Yeah, yeahyeahyeah milk me fucking milk my cock gonna cum in you fuck a baby, my baby into you and you’re gonna fucking take it take it nnngh —”

He buried his face into your neck, teeth latching on to skin, biting down to draw blood, a choked groan as he came, really came, his balls squeezing painfully, a deep ache in his gut, indescribable tingles all along his cock, his spine, down to the soles of his feet.

Third day, and you started getting him where you wanted it.

“Sensitive,” you hissed, “Sensitive, Dick, you insatiable—”

“Insatiable is right,” he said to you, eyes wide, still looking like you just told him the Earth was flat. He towered over you, kneeling now, and with horror and a bit of something else you felt how hard he still was. 

¨I missed you so much, the biggest mistake of my life was leaving you.¨

Fourth day he started getting sensitive but that didn't stopped him, and he was a little more languid, strokes slow and smooth, his thighs shaking just a bit as exhaustion started to settle in. His cum was spreading in a pool on the sheets now, and you couldn’t bring yourselves to be even a little disgusted. He loved it. He loved so much how it felt that tears dropped from his eyes every-time he felt that electric shock come to him when he was about to come. He was crying for you.

Last day. Fifth day. Barely even thrusting anymore, just a slow grind of his hips, the friction and the pressure and the raw sensation squeezing out what could have been an orgasm if only both of you were awake enough to feel it.

When you both woke up the next day, he was staring at you, straddling your hair, and that's when you knew it.

¨Good morning sweetheart.¨

You just answered with a small ¨hey¨

¨I never through of seeing you laying next to me again, it felt like home. I'm sorry I did that to you, you don't know how much I regret it, please, give me a second chance.¨

Bingo.

Without saying a word, you grabbed some shirt of his, long enough to cover yourself and went back to your room, stumbling and shaking someway you made it. You changed yourself, taking a minute to observe how he marked you, it was time.

You went back to his room, already changed, you gave him a smile and sat on the bed with him, with no emotion behind your eyes, it was your time.

¨You were ready to leave me for her.¨ Confusion, first stage he made you go through.

¨I was doing fine, really, but then you walked again into my life again and fucked me up.¨ Sadness and lies. Second stage.

¨You think this will make me stay?¨ You signaled the both of you. ¨You think with just some stupid sex to heal you is enough of an apology?¨ A laugh escaped your mouth. ¨You thought this was real?¨

¨You know for a fucking fact this wasn't supposed to happen.¨ You got your hand on top of his, faking a caring smile looking at him.

¨When friends of yours make jokes about how you always leave them, you think it's funny, but it's not. That hurts a lot, actually.¨

You got up from the bed and stepped closer to the door, you paused for a second and turned around to see a hurt Dick naked on the bed with just some blanket covering him.

¨And Dick... Of course I still love you, if it wasn't for me, I would go crying and throwing myself into your arms again.¨

¨You still can.¨ He tried.

¨No.¨ You chuckled. ¨I won't let myself get hurt again. Our love isn't worth the fight. Goodbye Dick Grayson.¨

[bigassmoth]

What in Hell is Bad Lucifer x reader 2nd pov r18,

Clit Clinic (roleplay, temperature play, medical kink, bondage, overstimulation, watersports(squirting), slight body modification (non-perm clit ring))

"The demons are quite rough with you." Lucifers voice came from between your legs. It was awkward enough laying down with your knees slightly parted- without him stating the obvious-all you could manage in response was a hum. You were dressed in a thin white hospital gown- much softer and silkier than you were familiar with in the human realm. The fabric pooled at your stomach as Lucifer lifted your legs, fully exposing your bare pussy to the slightly chilly room. You yelped in surprise and reflexively jerked away but Lucifer held firm. He frowns and lets out a short puff of disapproval.

"You will need additional treatment." He releases your legs and stands up. While you frantically pull your gown down to cover your cold lower body, Lucifer begins fiddling with the rigging system that hangs over the bed. You assumed the structure was in place for aiding mobility and keeping medical equipment organized but then Lucifer attached a set of fur-lined leather cuffs. Your eyes go wide and your throat dry.

"What do I need treatment for?" Your voice comes out husky and that alone is enough for Lucifers cock to start swelling. He looks at you and wordlessly holds out his hand. You place your ankle into his palm and settle into a more comfortable position as he raises your leg to the cuff and gently binds it.

"I will get cold. And I want a pillow." You request while offering him your other ankle. Lucifer hums again while he finishes buckling you in, taking a moment to look at your exposed bottom before leaving the room. You squirm once alone, you would be able to unbuckle yourself but it was more fun to pretend helplessness.

Lucifer comes back with a pillow and a hot compress which he slides under your hips to warm your lower back. You take the pillow from him and adjust it behind your neck as Lucifer straps your knees to each side of the rigging. Testing your restraints, your feet are held fast in the air while it becomes impossible to close your legs. Your hips wiggle but the motion is limited.

While you were feeling out your position, Lucifer had grabbed a number of items on a tray. He sat in his chair and rolled to the edge of your bed. You lifted your head but wasnt able to see what was on the tray. Without giving you a warning, something warm and wet touched your mound. A warm towel which was used to clean your pubic region, lips, clit, and the outside of your holes. Lucifers hands helped guide the cloth where is needed to go, he had already coated his gloves with warm lube. You hummed with his ministrations, trying not to tense and wiggle your ass as he rubbed tight circles in your asshole with the towel. Mammon had trained your body well.

Lucifer still wasnt done with cleaning as he peeled back the hood of your clit and used a wet q-tip to circle it. Your legs jerked against the restraints, his touch was firm despite the area being so tender. You cant think if you have ever had someone pay such close attention to the inner-most skin of your clit before- that even the hood felt tingly. As you pant above him, Lucifer finishes. His hands leave your pussy and you let out a breath you hadnt realized you were holding. Your hole throbs as your half-hard clit stands as evidence to the upcoming treat.

"Good, we will start with this." Lucifers voice is a thick whisper of anticipation. A smooth, cool, metal instrument coated in lube begins to caress your clit. You moan and squeeze your hands around your (now useless) gown. The instrument is rounded and gently scooped, perfectly sliding into hood and aroundyour clit again. Your noises escalate in pitch. He moves out from your folds to use the instrument to rub circles on the tip of your clit.

"Lucifer i-its hard." You are of course talking about your poor abused nub. He hums.

"Yes but we need more. I dont want your clit to be able to hide after this. To do that it must become swollen enough for me to see it through your underwear." The most youve ever heard him say at once and its that. Your heart is in your throat and you uselessly squirm.

"Ah- thats so embarrassing!" You play to the fantasy, remembering that angels are kept erect in cages. It was Lucifers remix of his past experience, having you express sexual energy without it being confined to metal.

The sensations on your clit stop. "Dont worry, it will go down by the time you leave." He misinterpreted your tone and casts you a slightly worried look while rubbing a hand over your calf.

You bite your lip and do your best to present a pitiful look. "Ah but Im here for two days...how will you know its still hard? Will you make me show you? Will I have to walk around in only thin underwear?"

Lucifers hot breath begins hitting your pussy as he pants, his face flushed.

"If you behave then you can wear clothes." His hands are rubbing the outside of your thighs, one gloves and smearing lube on your skin and the other sweaty and hot. When you nod your submission, Lucifer groans. This was a fantasy of his from being an angel, forced to contain his own raging sexual desire while cultivating and worshipping his Gods.

He picked up a bullet vibrator next and placed it below your clit so the vibrator just barely grazed the underside. You groaned and couldnt stop your twitching hips.

"Ah-wait I havent gone to the bat-" you start to panic but Lucifer only grinds the vibrator directly against the opening of your urethra. Your pussy clenches against nothing with only the ghost of vibrations to keep it company. The tender roof of your urethral canal directing vibrations into your clit. You cry as you squirt, Lucifer only removing the vibrator after you lost full control of your bladder. You whimper in the aftermath, legs trembling. Lucifer presss the vibrator directly to your clit before you have time to recover, causing you to thrash in the bed.

"Behave," he removes the vibrator while he speaks and pets your inner thigh with his free hand. "Or else."

"O-or else what?" Your body is shivering as you ask. Lucifer sets down the vibrator. You feel a band of cold metal slip over your clit, a loose fit, a jolt of electricity runs up your spine.

"A ring."

Lucifer groans out his threat and you moan in response. You wiggle your hips and whine.

"That wont work on me. its too big."

He is panting against you like a dog, going as far as to lean his cheek against your leg. Lucifers eyes meet your in a daze, both of you in dazed anticipation.

"It will fit." He picks up another tool from the table.

And fit it did. The process took about an hour and a half of rubbing in creams, using vibrators, and pulling out multiple orgasms from you without once touching your pussy or ass. With the ring at the base of your clit under the hood, your organ was forcibly erect. It would have been better to be naked, the crotchless panties you wore scratched at your clit. Lucifer checked on you frequently, lifting your skirt (he required easy access) to view the stickiness between your thighs. Politely he would lap up your arousal- never poking his tongue inside you despite your begging. Once cleaned he would perform "maintainance" on your abused clit, assuring you that it was necessary to keep it hard. He would suck and lick at your clit through the underwear until the fabric would cling to you. Then without providing you real sexual relief he would pull away and you would endure until he graced you with his attention again.

That night you went to his room for your final check. He removed the ring and sat your aching hole on his cock. But his hands held your hips down to his, forcing you to take all of his uncomfortable length. Despite your sweet kisses to his mouth he wouldnt move. Even worse, he came when he entered you so he wasnt in the state of desperation you were.

"Pleasure yourself." He whispered against your lips. You whined but relented.

"Only if you properly fuck me after, ok?"

Lucifer nodded eagerly, his entire body shaking. His eyes watched with rapt attention as you gathered some of his cum which had leaked from your hole. Your fingertips worked your clit and in a matter of seconds you were screaming as an orgasm shot through you. Lucifer groaned and released again, your pussy had been aching for hours and now held him in an authoritative vicegrip.

"Forgive me" Lucifer said to no one in particular as he finally began pumping in and out of you. You clung to his shoulders and sang his praises finally getting relief for the sweet burn he had lit in you. Lucifer came again shortly after, tears pricking his eyes as they roll back into his head. It was a delicious taboo, to break his oath of servitude to pleasure himself alongside you.

[cebwrites]

A more fluffy request one if that's okay?

With Law, Barto and Kidd:

They get sick, either from overworking or a plain cough and their s/o decides not only to take upon themselves to take care of them but to pamper as well, as in bringing their favourites things and food. In the end however, they fal asleep close to their bed. How would they react?

HERE IS YOUR REQ FROM DUCKING NOVEMBER WAAAAA <///3

masc reader (law), gn reader (barto, kidd) he/they law word count: 1.3k

taking care of them when they get sick (Law, Bartolomeo, Kidd)

Law

Stubborn to admit that they’re sick in the first place, even less reluctant to accept help - and the thought of being pampered of all things irks him even more

Law is difficult most days and overworks himself often. but even he knows when it’s time to put the pen down and hole themself in their office for a few days until this sickness passes; you manage to wrestle him into his own bed only by sheer strength and the point that the room you share with him would be much easier to disinfect afterwards than an office full of books, equipment, and god knows what else

They only fully relent when you reassure them that Bepo has more than enough space on his cuddly body for you to bunk with him temporarily - though you could’ve sworn that you saw your partner pout for a fraction of a second before Law rolled over to cough into their pillows

Nevertheless, Law is appreciative when you accompany them on nights that would otherwise be spent with Penguin and Shachi arguing over the semantics of a dialogue change from the manga to movie interpretation of their beloved Sora comics, unable to meet with them now 

You don’t understand everything Law talks about but you have enough cursory knowledge to get by and, occasionally, when you ask a relevant question you get to see Law light up even through their blocked nose and scratchy voice, always eager to infodump about his favorited childhood series 

Law knows that you don’t share the same enthusiasm for it but the fact that you’re still here, listening to him ramble on and on (their ‘reward’ for letting you spoon feed medication to them) about something dear to them - warms their heart more than any homemade soup and onigiri wombo combo in the world ever could

In the end it’s Law who pulls an extra blanket over you when you fall asleep at their bedside listening to your partner’s elated infodumping, Law would dim the lights and simply lay there, running his fingers through your hair

A huge part of him wants to give you a good night kiss, pull his boyfriend close as always and fall asleep with your body heat pulling them under, but they exercise restraint for now - for now, Law bundles himself up as best he can under the comforter you two would normally share and wills themself to dreamland with the promise of being able to hold his boyfriend as close as they want to soon enough

Kidd

Decrepit, dying, put-upon (not so) little man; Kidd feels like ASS and he’s going to make it everyone else’s damn problem for as long as his immune system continues to make him feel this awful

Yes he’s bossy, demanding, and borderline intolerable on the regular for shits n giggles, but now he’s doing it out of spite and also Killer he feels like shiiiiit

Kidd barks that you’re ‘babying’ him too much despite complaining all day - he snaps you for changing the compress on his ungrateful, nagging head, refuses to take his medication until you and Killer wrestle it into him, but at the very least after that Kidd’s too tired to fight you on the soup that’s put in front of him (as if he’d turn his nose up at Killer’s food anyway)

For all the shit that Kidd gives you for pampering his ass while he’s withering away in bed, he does appreciate the company, if not the attention - if he’s going to be stuck here feeling like a useless captain to his crew, it might as well be with you

Once the medication starts to kick in and his temper begins mellowing out the sleepier he gets, Kidd might even give you a little peak into his feelings with a small, barely audible thanks - and then a louder one shouted, followed by a pillow thrown at you when he gets fed up with your teasing about it

Killer finds you combing your hand through your partner’s flaming hair when he comes to check up on Kidd later, conked out unceremoniously with his head in your lap, he pulls up a chair to massage the captain’s stub - knowing he’ll be thankful for it later whether Kidd mentions it or not - and the two of you share light conversation with hushed laughs late into the night, not needing to keep your voices down because Kidd was such a heavy sleeper 

Kidd wakes up well into the evening, he still feels like complete garbage but that has more to do with the fact that he slept for 13 hours straight rather than any kind of sickness; in fact, aside that he feels perfectly fine, his sinuses are cleared and his head doesn’t feel like it’s in a vice anymore

He’d catch you snoozing on a chair by his bed, head leaned back to the wall with one of the most undignified expressions Kidd’s ever seen - still, you had been the one to put up with the most of his shit (more than usual) all week, so Kidd spares you this time 

Kidd carries you as gently as he can, surprisingly, onto the empty side of his bed, taking a moment to admire how the setting sunlight through his blinds dances across your face, enthralled for just a minute before he huffs, plants a kiss on your forehead, and stumbles his way into the kitchen while you catch up on much-needed rest, if those dark circles under your eyes had anything to say about it

The little ingrate does, however, laugh his damn ass off when you catch a cold two days later from laying in his still germ infested sheets and pillows

Bartolomeo

The exact opposite of the two rat bastards above, Bartolomeo is nothing but grateful for you nursing him back to health and will not shut up about it

He acts the same as he would normally, refusing to stay in bed until his legs buckle (the ol' "I'll be fine, I'll walk it off" mentality), refuses to adhere to bedrest, barks orders while potentially getting others sick, and is overall a pain to everyone on board

Everyone but you, his beloved, that is

The moment you return to the ship be it with groceries or other duties, Bartolomeo is chastened - tucked away under warm covers and begrudgingly being fed soup by you as if he doesn't like it

Gambia would almost be surprised if he didn't see the way Barto wilted under the infamous 'looks' you gave him, but doesn't fail to complain at least a little since it took him and maybe two other crew members to wrangle their unruly captain to take his medicine, let alone get in bed in the first place, and now the rooster's acting like he's the most darlingest little angel on the Grand Line - or well, he's trying to, for your sake

You notice the smugness after a little bit, how he enjoys having your attention on him at the drop of the hat just because "under the weather" now - for the first few days, sure, but after a week? you suspected he was just hamming it up so you'd fawn over him just a little longer in your own special ways

Ultimately the jig was up once you found him tiptoeing out of 'ordered' bedrest to sneak some booze back into your shared room, but nothing a little sheepish grin couldn't fix (he was whacked and dragged back to captain's duties post-haste)

On one night during his actual sickness though, in his fever induced delirium, he wakes up to see you sleeping by his bedside, looking equally as exhausted as he feels - his bones are bound in lead and it makes him dizzy to even move his head too much so all he can do is watch

Using Herculean strength to simply raise his arm enough to brush your bangs aside so he could have a better look at your face before going under again - Bartolomeo can't remember how long he was awake for or if even that was a dream, but you do wake up with his hand on your back (aching, from sleeping hunched over) and the sound of his love confession in your ears

[sleepdeprivedsimp234]

Saw your post, so idk how would the states act when they're sick, do you think they even can get sick?

OOOO FUN >:D

And yes I do think that they can get sick, it’s just harder for them to get sick than normal……humans *gags*

Gov: this bitch just works it off. maybe he’ll take some meds and a hot shower, but otherwise, he ain’t doin anythin.

Loui: the amount of time that it takes this mf to realize and acknowledge that he’s even sick- it’s astronomical. He won’t even notice half the time cuz of how often he gets sick (listen the health care down there is terrible so there’s no way in hell I’m giving him a strong immune system). And by the time he does notice, he’s in the Medical Room™️ cuz he passed out and is getting a scolding from Massachusetts. He’s an idiot, but we love him <3

Texas: Texas is like Gov, except he won’t do anything to treat his illness. He’ll just down a Celsius or five and get back to work cuz he’s a dumbass. Yes he does end up in the Medical Room™️ pretty often. And he’ll still try acting like he’s not sick, even if he’s actively throwing up.

Florida: his dumbass jumps into nasty lakes and swims with alligators and probably licks vending machines and doorknobs for fun, and ends up perfectly fine. Ish. But then he gets bit by a mosquito and is dying to West Nile virus. He’s kinda dramatic and whiny too, but not as much as the next state.

Cali: THIS MAN. THIS MAN HERE. HE STARTS WEAVING POETRY IF HE FEELS THAT HIS THROAT IS EVEN A LITTLE BIT SCRATCHY. DRAMATIC ASS 🫵

NY: See there’s two sides to this one for him. On one hand, yay he doesn’t have to talk to people, but on the other hand, he feels weak and basically useless cuz he’s not able to protect the others if needed. Also like- if this bitch gets sick, he’s REALLY sick. Like- influenza x5. It’s bad. And sad to see.

[mxtxfanatic]

Alright, I did one for my mdzs read so it’s time for svsss’s: Character Roundup!

Yue Qingyuan: lowkey gave me lxc vibes with the whole “overlooking abuse happening under my watch that I am both aware of and fully able to stop” thing, but otherwise, greatest Big brother when his Big Brother Energy™️ is directed towards an actual good person

Liu Qingge: dude was considered the God of War but let his reputation go to the wayside just to try to give sqq a proper funeral. If that don’t give him the best shidi award… also extra points for never liking Shen Jiu (though that comment on his cultivation was a loooow blow)

Mu Qingfang: an actually reliable doctor and friend. Too bad doctors are kinda useless in a story where sex is supposed to be the cure for all medical ailments lmao!

Qi Qingqi: she only existed to be bitchy and serve quips and honestly, good for her; one day she’ll outbitch the bitchiest character of them all (sqq)

Ning Yingying: ok but y’all don’t be giving my girl her flowers! The peak didn’t teach her how to fight cause the world wouldn’t have been able to handle an unstoppable nyy! (I want a rematch between her and the palace princess so she can properly stomp miss daddy’s girl into the ground)

Ming Fan: I guess he didn’t die this time around, good for him?

The nameless Qing Jing Peak disciples: I love how somehow sqq raised an entire peak of disciples who are crybabies to his face but disrespectful behind his back to everyone not their shizun (and he thinks it’s just lbh, smh)

Liu Mingyan: always lurking, always writing. Anyways, go make your coin, queen!

Sha Hualing: Luo Binghe owes my girl unlimited PTO, stop overworking her! 😭😭😭

Mobei-jun: congrats on the unintentional husband! Maybe go to someone else for relationship advice

Zhuzhi-lang: breaks my damn heart

Tianlang-jun: breaks my damn heart, but deflects with humor

Su Xiyan: she really did the damn thing, yet all of it is speculation 🤣

Old Palace Master: go to hell, fucking demented old man, fucking stranger danger ass creeper; he deserved having the most torturous death in the book

Shen Jiu formerly known as Shen Qingqiu: he wasn’t a character and didn’t deserve to be, that’s why he got replaced with someone everyone else liked better. All in all, a pitiable backstory and a pitiful end to a character who starts the story erased from existence. Redemption don’t work on the unrepentant

Bingge: oh sweetheart…we need you your own comfort Shen Yuan and a lot of professional help…

The System: still can’t outbitch the bitchiest character of them all LOL

The nameless “righteous” cultivators: Y’all consider it righteous to attack defenseless demons, including infants and toddlers, cause they “might be evil”? Go to hell, i hope at least one of y’all’s evil ass sects got demolished before the merge failed

Shen Qingqiu starring Shen Yuan: thank you, King, for your service in fixing all of your predecessor’s fuck-ups and thereby proving that it’s never to late to atone for the abuse you (not actually you) have wrought, despite what some people have to say 😒 Anyways, enjoy your honeymoon with the man every woman (supposedly) wants!

Luo Binghe: oh honey, oh sweetie, we need you a therapist; go on and enjoy your honeymoon with the man every man wants while that’s pending

Bingqiu: they make each other so happy 🥺 You couldn’t pry this ship from my hands if I was Tianlang-jun’s rotting plant body.

[rainbowsinstarlyte]

so I've been insisting I'm gonna write this fic for the last ten fucking years but keep not doing it, so damn it I'm gonna do it until I get a damn job

below is the first ~480 words of the first chapter of Generation EVO, my whole ass AU of the series. major content warning for heavily implied torture of a child (there's no details but a lot of screaming, and some also not super detailed surgical stuff)

“You have a lovely family, Dr. Salazar,” the woman said as she turned to leave Rafael’s office, “it would be a shame if something happened to them.”

The intercoms came to life at exactly 7:59 in the morning. This was unusual for the Abysus compound, if only because the intercom system was far older than the rest of the equipment and tended to crackle and shriek when used. People had stopped, looking confused over their coffee, breakfast, or consoles, just to shrug it off as someone having hit a button and not yet realized it.

The screaming started exactly one minute later.

Dozens of horrified people flooded into the halls at the tiny, agonized voice. The screams echoed off the concrete walls, mixing with the confused shouts of the people, almost drowning out the single intelligible word from the speakers.

“Mami!”

Chaos erupted in the halls as the intercom went dead, everyone leaping into action to spread out to find the source of the screaming. Two minutes passed, then five, then twenty before the intercom crackled back to life, the location drowned out by crying –

“Quiero a mi mami!”

– followed by the reveal that Rex was being sent to medical. Rafael swore and changed direction, taking the stairs two and three at a time as he made his way to medical, not missing the fact that, as they rushed Rex past him, they did everything in their power to block him from his sight. He had stopped screaming, not even able to whimper. Rafael started scrubbing.

Surgery took hours. For every injury they found and patched, two more they’d missed would be revealed. The bleeding had slowed, yes, but still ran too fast for comfort, and that was worrying. Several more hours passed before Caesar, scrubbed but still trailing a nurse who was trying to tie his gown, brought the canister; their only batch of the nanites that they’d managed to finish enough that they might be ready for testing. In theory. In practice, though, the nanites had never been tested on anything organic, let alone a person.

But what better trial was there than this? Rafael let his eldest son hook the canister into the IV line as he continued the slow but steady task of stitching his youngest back together, his eyes widening just a bit as he watched a tiny cut near the IV line he’d only just spotted piece itself back together. He continued patching until the monitor tracking Rex’s vitals began to glitch, going from their steady beeping to a panicked wail, only for Caesar to unplug it as it was now useless to them; the nanites would do more for him than the monitors now. When Caesar pulled him gently away from the table, he let one of the nurses take his place to close Rex up – there was nothing more they could do while the nanites did their work.

[rottenbrainstuff]

Long post: sorry, I’m on mobile, I thought there use to be an option to create a “read more” cut but atm I can’t seem to find it, if it’s still there????

I think Sophie is feeling a little better today… it’s a bit hard to tell because she’s also on kitty morphine atm which makes her a bit groggy.

We still don’t know why she was throwing up so much or why she is losing so much weight, but we’ll worry about that later. The thing that is making her seriously sick atm is just a simple UTI, which is actually great news because that can be quickly treated with antibiotics. Her tests aren’t 100% complete but the vet thinks the meds they gave me will be effective, and they’ll let me know once the panel is complete if they need to be switched. This morning she was a bit picky about her food, but last night she ate and drank quite a lot. This morning she was showing some normal behaviours, vocalizing normally, so I’m hoping she is on the mend.

It’s a bit ominous to hear the vet talk about how they have to run tests to see which antibiotics her bacteria is sensitive to. Bit of an ominous reminder how much of an issue resistant bacteria is becoming. Here’s a PSA, because I have had GROWN ASS ADULTS tell me to my face they break each of these rules:

-take the entire course of antibiotics as instructed. Don’t stop taking them even if you feel better. If you stop, there may be a few bacteria left, and these bacteria are the hardiest ones that took the longest to kill, and now these ones will multiply. You are selectively breeding resistant bacteria if you do this. Take the entire course as instructed to make sure you kill everything. The time frame of your treatment isn’t arbitrary, it’s the length it is for a reason, just goddamned follow the doctor’s instructions.

-antibiotics are ONLY for BACTERIAL INFECTIONS!!! They will not do shit for a cold or “stomach flu” or anything else. Yes I know maybe in X other country you can get antibiotics over the counter and you are free to take them whenever you want to, but please understand this is NOT good. Taking an antibiotic if you do not specifically have a bacterial infection is going to do fuck all, except needlessly upset your digestive system and selectively breed more resistant bacteria.

-please do NOT take other people’s medications, and I can’t believe people have told me they do this. You should NOT take your cousin’s leftover antibiotics (which they should not have to begin with if they fucking took their doses like they were supposed to) for your “stomach flu” or what the fuck ever. First of all you need to go to the goddamned doctor and confirm what you have is bacterial, because see note number two, and second of all, even if you DO have something bacterial, your friend’s leftover, maybe expired, medication might not work against the strain you have, and even if it does work, it’s probably not going to be a long enough course, so see note number one. Just go to the FUCKING DOCTOR for the love of god and follow their instructions.

I know this is Canada where it’s free to see a doctor… I’ve heard people in other countries defend their decision to do some of the above by saying they had to because they could not afford proper doctor care and a prescription. Well, I mean, I really do sympathize with this situation, but I don’t really know what to say. Resistant bacteria is becoming a serious issue that we need to start taking very seriously. It is completely realistic that we will reach a point in our lifetimes where we no longer have effective antibiotics, and our research into alternative treatments is not keeping up with the rate that our medications are becoming useless. If you can’t afford to use antibiotics properly well… I guess don’t worry, because there may soon come a point where there aren’t any antibiotics in the first place.

So anyways yeah. There’s an update!

[princesswithdisorder]

Ever since I was young I’ve just been different. Not like, quirky, but just worse. I remember in fourth grade I had a project to do. I looked at mine in comparison to everybody else’s projects. Mine was just not as good. And I tried my best, my hardest. I put in a lot of effort, I mean it felt like a lot to me. Well whatever. It’s just one project right?

But then later it was other things too. My hair, it just was never normal. I’ve been dying my hair since I was little and ig it’s more popular now, but when I was doing it in elementary school and upper elementary school, people made fun of me. But I know that’s something that was a choice so I don’t want to count that.

Something else that does count, imo, though is when I was in 6th grade and I had a solar system project. Once again it was just a million times worse than everybody else’s. We also had a project where we had to make a marble maze. I’m not sure why. That was so random, and very complicated to an idiot like me.

That project was one of the worst times of my life. I faked sick multiple days so I wouldn’t have to go to school when it was time to present the project. I ended up doing the project, but of course worse than everybody else. I only had like 2 friends at the time and they partnered up (they knew each other longer anyway) and I was left alone. Everybody else in my class made nice ass roller coasters for their little marbles, and mine was made of paper. And tape. It was so shitty. I hated myself for it

Later on I realized this was something that was not going away. I don’t have a normal, pretty face. I’m an ugly person. As a kid I was just thinking “it’ll go away when I have a glow up”, but that never happened. I mean who knows, maybe one day at 25 I’ll be beautiful, but I doubt it. I need to give up on waiting for something good.

I used to be an average sized girl, but then I started stupid useless medications and they made me gain weight. I’m convinced that’s why I gained weight because it didn’t start until after the meds and I didn’t change my eating habits. I hate myself so much. I was like 110 at my lowest, which isn’t that low, but so much better than I am right now. Now I’m 175 and I just hate myself. I’m so ugly.

There’s nothing redeemable about me anymore. When I was younger I had the excuse of just being a kid. When I was skinny, I had that (being skinny). But now I’m just fat and ugly. There is no saving me. I need to work out but I’m so fucking lazy and unmotivated to do anything. I never go anywhere, or do anything. I’m just a useless person.

As I’m sure you can tell from reading this, I think of myself very highly! I’m joking obviously.

My point with all of this is that I am never going to be as pretty as anybody else, or as talented. I will just never be equal in general. There is no saving me. I’m better off killing myself!

[puppygirlsounding]

I'm at my wits end.

Trying not to lose all sense of composure. I keep trying to put on the mask and act happy for what I have, but I can't keep it up anymore. This week has eaten at me in a way I can't push aside with happy thoughts. All of my shit keeps breaking and I don't have the money to replace it. My bank has screwed me out of $120 because of their sudden system changes. My building managers still haven't fixed my payments to reflect re-leasing. Making it look like I'll have to pay month to month fees until they get their shit together. I probably won't even have enough money for rent because of their uselessness. I have medical problems cropping up purely from stress. My job is threatening my employment constantly because of us being beholden to the whims of our client. The list goes on.

It feels like I was kicked down a flight of stairs. The ragdoll all the way down the steps wasn't good enough entertainment. Now my ass is getting mulched into the steps by a bodybuilder on the way down. I'm so tired. It's my weekend and I can't even enjoy it. Because for every good thing, like my HRT dosage getting upped, I'm met with 5 setbacks.

I'm spiraling, I spent all week feeling like a failure. Now I'm spending my weekend defeated.

[bittwitchy]

i’m gonna be a thousand percent real w you guys for a min, its gonna be under a read more, and it revolves around fears and pains and scary medical things and g/ov3r/nm3nt bullshit and stuff which is uhhh destroying me mentally and physically ig ahahahhaa

so like as some ppl know, when i was leaving work late nov/early dec of 22, i fell and injured my ‘leg’, it was a few days before i turned 26 and i couldnt get a doc appt in time w a real doc, and ofc bc i was on the male parentals insurance and it was based out of texas despite US being in california, i got completely fucked over bc they didnt want ro cover shit and i had to argue with them til almost the very end of december or so just to see a nurse practitioner who didnt know wtf she was gonna do, and refused to listen to me when i said i was not going to have insurance in a week. i cannot afford any expansive anything right now and anything that i have to do needed to be done before the end of december. all she said was ‘i hope you get better then, but they will call you when they feel like it.’

its been over a year, im still not better, because i was not clocked in at the time, and was injured in the parking lot, hr already said they wont cover it. even if i was only at that location (not my home location) for them, i was not clocked in and therefore they hold no responsibility, and the parking lot had no cameras anyways. its all just word of mouth so. i got fucked there too. C/alo/ptima has been fujcing useless and wont even send me my new insurance card so i can get a new regular pcp who will refill even just my fucking inhaler because the guy they gave me refused to even refill that.

now, when ive gotten the leg scans, they cant find anything. they dont know whats wrong. ‘oh youre just fat, lose weight and you’ll be fine.’

breathing shots pain into my leg. and the pains been spreading. ive been getting a little bit of weird treatment at work despite dlat out ignoring and pushing through my pain to please people and that wasnt even enough because i still got some pretty weird ass treatment from some ppl in management despite the fact im not choosing this, and ignoring it makes everything worse.

and ive been trying to push through and ignore it and hope it heels, because the medical system isnt going to help me, neither is the company, and i live in california. i really just cant afford the medical system here anyways.

i think when i fell, it clipped a nerve into my spine, because for those unaware im that special brand of au/tistic who can tell you the exact point of origin of my pain. from tooth pain to headaches to even searing body aches, i can tell you where it starts and where it ends. but i also have a massive pain tolerance (ive had 8 root canals and local anesthesia doesnt work on me thanks to adhd, i can and have had 9 bottles injected in and nothing happened, so i just dont use it and ignore the horrendous fucking pain of your nerves being killed because i dont want to bother anyone. THAT is my pain tolerance level, and i cant tolerate this.)

the pain is spreading to both of my legs, and when i ignore it i end up toppling over. i used to be a hula dancer, professional as a kid, still for rec until i got hurt. i cant do it anymore. i can barely walk. when i force myself into events and shit that requires walking, it feels like my entire body is being crushed the next day, and during the actual day of doing but thats obvious.

i dont know how to take it anymore, nothing is helping, no one is helping me, and even people who try to help me its like the system is working for them despite refusing to work for me. i really well and truly dont know what to do about this anymore. the pain from my spine isnt only in that leg now, its in both legs and keeps creeping to my arms. im obviously not gonna get help from the company, and even talking to a lawyer its a fucking long shot that i could get anything done from them at all since the parking lot didnt have cameras. i already have eds, and this has been setting off the issues relating to it even more. i was meant to get tested for pots before i lost insurance back then, but new doctor doesnt believe women can experience pain at all, and are lying for attention if they admit to it.

breathing is fucking painful, and i dont know what to do. i can just keep doing what im doing and ignoring my pain and pushing through to please everyone because its not like the system helps, but the system is working for others and when i do what they recommend i do it not only still doesnt work for me, but i get threats from it. i dont know if its because im autistic or not, indont know why it works for others and not for me, i dont understand and when i try to get answers all people say is ‘just push through’ but im trying and its making everything worse and im breaking my body more and more by just pushing through and indont want to get kicked off of c/alo/ptima for bothering them too much by not getting answers despite my efforts because i did get threatened and incant afford $250-500 monthly fees from my state if i dont have insurance. $250 is more than i earn a week. jts not like im getting hours at work. and i really just am so fucking broken and tired and confused and done i dont know what to do and im tired of being in pain. i just want the pain to go away. i dont want to cry anymore. i dont want to be confused and scared and alone anymore. its like everythings collapsing down and i dont know what to do.

and to top it all off, the skin welts and lesions that my old doctor was so terrified of me having are back. theyre a symbolism of my white blood cell count, and last time i got them he had me get blood tests every few months because he was worried about my developing leukemia. and everytime it got too high he gave me something to try snd prevent it, and ultimately i was ‘almost there but narrowly escaped’, and i dont know how im supposed to just keep pushing and keep living and keep going it that happens too. especially when incant afford a blood test right now. i dont know what im doing or who i am anymore and its destroying every semblance of who i am that i had left, and i just want to make everyone happy but im not happy. im not happy snd im not getting help snd i feel so defeated and indont understand how other people can argue andnits fine but i do it and i get threatened or retaliated against.

indont understand how if i do whats recommended im misbehaving and being wrong but others can do what they want. its like im a kid again but instrad of being beaten im just getting fucked over medically even more snd my body gets to further destroy itself and i dont know whay the fuck left there is to do. its like everythings collapsing down on me, jm not getting the samw care or treatment others get, and i dont think im going to because i cant keep fighting a system thats going to only verbally threaten me because they wont respond to emails. i cant use recorded conversations in court here. im scared and im tired and im in constant pain and had to beg my old doctor to send an inhaler refill without my seeing him because the new one wouldnt and my lungs were giving out. i dont want to die but it feels like its heading rhat way whether i want to or not because nothing and nobody will help me and when they try they get mad at me for ‘not trying harder’ but im doijt everythint they say and more and its nothing. nothings coming crom it but my suffering. but if i say its not my fault its ‘making excuses’ and injust cant keep doing this anymore. im so tired, and im in so much pain, and indont know what to do.

[ejaydoeshisbest]

I left my grandmother by herself at Jollibee.

For the past three to four nights, I could not sleep well. I thought at first it was just the cold. It's always cold in the Philippines from December to January. Sometimes until late February. But yesterday, it felt like I wanted to drop on the floor before the sun had even set. I couldn't regulate my emotions well by late afternoon. I thought that by sleeping early, say 8PM, I could wake up at 4 AM or 5 AM. But nope, I'm waking up to little sleep. Woke up at 2:45 AM. Maybe it isn’t the cold, but the jitters that I know that I should be working diligently by now? My good side, my mind, is shutting down my lazy bones and telling my system to work because I needed to pay back my aunties when they sent me for my medical treatments. Even though my aunts told me that I don't owe them any debt. My mind is also reminding me that my own parents are old but still working. "What’s your excuse?" it says to me. It reminds me that all my friends and most of my cousins are working and sacrificing and building their own futures and making their dreams happen while I remain useless. It hurts, too, that I can't reach out and talk to them about my problems because that would be a dick move. It reminds me that as each day passes, all of them are moving to brighter, greener places while I remain stuck. It would be nice if I could just fix my life with the sudden thought that made me finally jump out of bed: “Well, what if you did your best, Ejay? You haven't actually given it your all. Work without complaints. Only feel gratitude.” It would be nice if all that needed to be done was to think, always, that if my old parents can do it, that if my own younger sister can function and achieve high grades in Physics and Maths with little sleep, so too can I. Even with breathing struggles.

___

The morning started out fine, but then rapidly fell. I must have overexerted myself. I was walking around the neighborhood, trying to achieve consistency. I was thinking that I really needed to get stronger, and I was proud of myself for completing my route. I thought actually that it was getting easier. But then Lola and I planned to go to Jollibee for breakfast and I thought, yes, a fun adventure. That would be nice. But when we were in the senior citizen's line, I suddenly could not breathe again. It was like my chest was being crushed by an elephant. I was trying to calm myself, but every breath constricted my throat and I felt that I wasn’t getting enough air. I was panicking because I left my inhaler at home, though before this point, I was convincing myself that my breathing struggles were just because of anxiety. I had to leave my grandmother at the cashier to go out and breathe and calm myself down. I had to convince myself that I was not in any real danger and that my mind was making me believe in my worst fear. I calmed myself down enough to go back. But as soon as I sat down with my grandmother, my fears gripped me again and I was sure that this was not anxiety, but asthma. It felt like I was breathing through a straw. It felt like that first time when I went to the emergency room. Maybe I overexerted myself again, just like last time. I really tried to stay with my grandmother and have breakfast with her, but without my inhaler near me to convince me I was fine, my mind freaked out and I could not reign it in. I was wrestling with the suffocating fear. I wasn’t sure if my breathing was because I was having an anxiety attack or an asthma attack. Each breath was painful, and I tried focusing on the people, but now my mind was screaming at me to go either to the emergency room or back to the house. Fearing the payment for an emergency room in Angono, Rizal, I special-fared my ass back home. I miss my aunties. When they were with me, I felt calm. We would go near stores and have a great time. I told my grandmother to stay put as I went home to grab my medicines. I told her to wait for me. When I arrived, I took one puff of the inhaler and called my aunties to tell them where I left Lola. I apologized to them for being an unreliable weak caretaker. Thankfully, a relative picked her up from where I left her and took her home safely.

___

After, I took a shower and a nap. When I woke up, I could breathe better. Which further confuses me as to whether this was asthma or anxiety. Or asthma-induced anxiety. Maybe I should really stop listening to my anxiety and proactively calm it down. I realized that maybe I could have kept my cool and let it flow through me if I did not listen to its threats. I know that it is hard to do, since my body immediately goes to this fight-or-flight response. Even now as I stand under my grandmother's tin roof, I am terrified that I might collapse because maybe I could not stand the afternoon heat. As I am typing this and recounting many less-than-ideal moments, I already feel anxious. So I know that I have to face my fears head-on because if not, I'm afraid that almost everything would be a trigger: Our furbaby, the heat, the cold, people, etc. I need to counter this. I wish I could fall back to the mindset and body I had in college. Strong. Independent. Brave. Curious. I don't want my anxiety to ruin the rest of my life. I don't want to waste it. I want to taste sugar and other foods again. I want to travel.

___

Auntie C and I shared a similar insight: I need to identify the root cause of all my stress and anxiety. I think it's primarily because I still lack a job coupled with my old age. I wish I could just switch my mindset from fearing things to believing that life is such a fun adventure. Not overthinking and managing daily stressors. Maybe I believe that I am in a bad place, like a cornered animal, instead of believing that I can change my future and have my life back. I must learn how to rebuild myself.

___

That night, some of the relatives from my mother's side came to our house. I saw my siblings again, and my mother's sister. An aunt I was not particularly fond of. I'll call her Tita L. But even though I wasn't fond of her, I apologized for my rude behavior. I snubbed her at our last encounter. I told her that I was angry at almost everyone back then. Which was partly true. I couldn't very well say that I hated my mother's side of the family because they bullied me since childhood and made me feel like I was at fault for not adjusting. Yes, I am sensitive, but they're also rowdy as hell. We hugged and she told me it was all right.

But the best part of it all was, I suddenly found that I could finally breathe. Like a miracle. I was taking quick breaths, sure, but my throat wasn't as constricted as before. I would like to say that perhaps social interaction was all it took and that this was all just a made-up thing in my mind after all, but I wasn't sure. It happened when I started to feel the familiar start of anxiety as I saw all these people running around and talking inside our house, but then I SQUASHED IT DOWN HARD and focused on the people around me, thinking adamantly that I WILL NOT HAVE A PANIC ATTACK OR BE ANXIOUS IN FRONT OF THEM. Then, just like that, I didn’t. Hopefully, this trick will work in the future.

Apologized din to my sister, repeating all the words I said to my parents. I am sorry that I haven’t contributed as much to the family, and sorry that I haven’t contributed to her tuition. Sorry for bickering and fighting. And I am so, so proud of her that she has high grades and that she deserved it. She didn’t get as much sleep and watch entertainment for that. I told her that her best friend, who has been such a good influence on her, is always welcome at our house.

[catboy-ptsd]

hey jsyk this blog is run by a (medically recognized, not diagnosed bc i don't have clinical distress) mixed origins system of seven

so system intro ig

cat, he/it, host or core or whatever, goofball

shiho, xe/she, traumagenic protector, punk ass mothafucka

jace, they/them, traumagenic depressionholder, sensitive white boy

ash, it/bun/vamp/angel/she, traumagenic "persecutor", ashley graves kinnie

aiden, he/him, endogenic prevara (walk-in from a maladaptive daydream), useless scene werewolf

the scribble, he/it, traumagenic little, mischievious scamp

timmy, he/him, prolly traumagenic but who knows, unholy levels of sillyness

that's basically it, don't be weird about it, maybe we'll tag our posts with who's posting and maybe we won't

[thurisazsalail]

Open Letter to Nutritionists + Dieticians

I'm trying to find some kind of data that seems impossible. I've had actual registered dieticians. Nutritionists are absolutely useless. My GP, one of several I've had in the past few years, is telling me to ~just diet and exercise!!!~ even when I remind her that I cannot, in fact, physically exercise without significant risk of injury, and I cannot eat most things because of celiac disorder and autoimmune issues. I’m fine when told something stupid like “diet and exercise!!!” offhand because that actually applies to most people, but when I specifically remind a doc which patient I am, and bring documentation from other doctors to show those things, they turn nasty.

I’m not fine with your stupid-ass “helpfulness” if your “helpfulness” isn’t just not helpful, but is actually actively harmful.

Every article and source I’ve come across for the past few years conflates WEIGHT gain/loss with FAT gain/loss.

These are NOT THE SAME THING.

The professional resources online are not helping. It's the same regurgitated "information" about gluten free foods being high carb, low nutrient, and how we all just think we can eat whatever we want and not "gain weight." I am literally within 5 pounds of my weight 10 years ago. It's on my medical records. I was only diagnosed w celiac in 2018, after months of NOT being able to eat. Without high fat foods like fries and peanut butter, I often cannot break 1000 calories a day. I have gone from ~4-6US size to a ~12-16, depending on brand. My first burden is to somehow sort through millions of search results that change "lose fat" to "lose weight" when in fact, I do not need to lose any weight. I need to lose fat.

THEN I need to find a way to get calories, any calories, without drinking oil and trying to stuff down vegetables that I physically cannot digest. Shockingly, by the time someone thought that maybe my lifelong issues with getting sick every time I ate something that wasn't rice or soda was maybe a Real Problem, I ended up with several other GI issues like dysphagia and early gastroparesis.

I could never eat things like broccoli without my skin breaking out into a rash. There has never been part of my life where I could eat peas. How weird that it turns out, my aversion to "health food" was my autoimmune system telling me that it's a legume allergy. I can have peanuts and nothing else.

So what do I do when it seems like every. single. article. and video. professional or otherwise... is just... a rehash of this one? It isn't just this article, by the way. I'm using this one as a short, clear example of every point I've seen defeated, not just by myself, but by dozens and dozens of followers of other nutrition and celiac-oriented education accounts on social media. https://www.todaysdietitian.com/enewsletter/enews_1013_01.shtml Some of these points are not wrong! - People do tend to better absorb nutrients and put on weight when the intestines begin healing - Not having diarrhea is a Good Thing, and probably helps someone keep on weight - Lots of GF foods right now have no impetus to be "healthy" at all.

I suspect it's because "going gluten free" has been a fad diet, so the people on a diet (who made the industry profitable) are getting nutrients elsewhere; people with celiac disease have no choice but to buy those items. Therefore, there is no financial reason to improve them. Lots are totally empty, devoid of nutrients in any meaningful amounts. I have found some nutritious products recently BUT they have used chickpeas or pea flours. Great, I can't eat those now. I lost quite a few formerly available foods to chickpeas. Cool, cool.

I wonder how many of these doctors ever look into comorbidities in their patients and think about how many of us have chronic illnesses which prevent us from mentally and physically compiling lists of groceries and cooking equipment, making each and every single meal from scratch, cooking it perfectly, cleaning up, and having energy to eat. From the sheer number of articles I've read in the past year, I'm betting on "not many."

In this article, Amy Jones, MS, RD, LD attributes weight gain to eating too much. That our portion sizes are out of control! We need to practice "mindfully eating." Just use smaller plates and don’t watch TV while we eat (yes those are actually in the article.) The fatties are just fat because we gorge on everything we see. We're like the Langoliers, but with the $12 gluten free CPK frozen pizzas at Wal-mart.

[bananonbinary]

Time for a Salty Meta Post about Martin!

people who’ve followed this blog for a bit know that spending six hours combing through text for some goddamn sources is my specialty, so i compiled every time jon ever talked about martin’s work in season 1. which for the record, he stopped complaining about all the way back in episode 26, where he was angry that martin of all people got hurt.

things jon gets mad at martin for:

not being able to find records that don’t exist

not being able to find someone based only on a first name

the Dog

not wearing trousers in his off-hours

being the one that got caught up in the jane prentiss thing

mag 004 and mag 012 both have jon taking potshots at martin over research that was proven accurate by outside sources

things jon has never once complained about:

martin not understanding the filing system and just putting stuff away at random

martin being clumsy, constantly ruining things, spilling tea everywhere everyday, etc

martin turning in incompetent, poorly-edited, or badly formatted reports

martin not understanding the terminology used, skills expected, etc., and generally being extremely new to the field

please for the love of god stop making martin the silly bumbling idiot who can’t do anything right just because he doesn’t have a formal education. there’s zero evidence for it in the text, and it’s really weird to act like a 4 year degree would outweigh the *10 years* of job experience he has, not just in academia, but in the institute itself by season one. my boy has worked there longer than ANY of the rest of the main cast. screw you guys.

tl;dr: martin is never once shown to be bad at his job, jon pretty much only ever gets mad at him for the really stupid first impression and also not finding stuff that no one else was able to find either. after martin got hurt, jon talks about his research basically the same way he talks about tim’s or sasha’s work.

fucking proof under the cut:

(i didnt include the s1 finale or martin’s statement bc that’s just...two entire episodes of them talking to each other, but there isn’t really any notable Martin Complaints in either of them imo)

I swear, if he’s brought another dog in here, I’m going to peel him.

[pre-launch trailer]

.

Well, technically three, but I don’t count Martin as he’s unlikely to contribute anything but delays.

[...] Alongside this Tim, Sasha and, yes, I suppose, Martin will be doing some supplementary investigation to see what details may be missing from what we have.

[MAG001 Anglerfish]

.

Martin couldn’t find any records of Ex Altiora as a title in existent catalogues of esoteric or similar literature, so I assigned Sasha to double-check. Still nothing.

[MAG004 Pageturner]

.

I had Martin conduct a follow-up interview with Mr. Woodward last week, but it was unenlightening. Apparently there have been no further bags at number 93 and in the intervening years he has largely discounted many of the stranger aspects of his experience. I wasn’t expecting much, as time generally makes people inclined to forget what they would rather not believe, but at least it got Martin out of the Institute for an afternoon, which is always a welcome relief.

[MAG005 Thrown Away]

.

Martin was unable to find the exact date the original house was built but the earliest records he could find list it as being bought by Walter Fielding in 1891.

[...]

We cannot prove any connection, but Martin unearthed a report on an Agnes Montague, who was found dead in her Sheffield flat on the evening of November 23rd 2006, the same day Mr. Lensik claims to have uprooted the tree.

[MAG008 Burned Out]

.

According to Martin, who was here when they took this statement, it was at this point in writing that Mr. Herbert announced he needed some sleep before continuing. He was shown to the break room where he went to sleep on the couch. He did not awaken; unfortunately succumbing to the lung cancer right there. Martin says the staff had been aware of how serious Mr. Herbert’s condition was, and had advised him to seek medical aid prior to giving his statement, but were told rather bluntly by the old man that he would not wait another second to state his case. I can’t decide whether this lends more or less credibility to his tale.

[MAG010 Vampire Killer]

.

“Veepalach” might also be a mishearing of the Polish word “wypalać”, according to Martin, which means to cauterize or brand. Admittedly, if Martin speaks Polish in the same way he “speaks Latin,” then he might be talking nonsense again, but I’ve looked it up and it appears to check out.

[MAG012 First Aid]

.

I sent Martin to look into this ‘Angela’ character - not that I want him to get chopped up, of course, but someone had to. Apparently, he spent three days looking into every woman named Angela in Bexley over the age of 50. He could not find anyone that matches the admittedly vague description given here, though he informs me that he had some very pleasant chats about jigsaws. Useless ass.

[MAG014 Piecemeal]

.

Martin declined to help with this investigation as he’s “a bit claustrophobic”

[MAG015 Lost John’s Cave]

.

There simply aren’t enough details given in this statement to actually investigate, short of Martin confirming that Mr. Vittery did indeed live at the addresses he provided.

[MAG016 Arachnophobia]

.

Oh, he’s off sick this week. Stomach problems, I think.

Blessed relief if you ask me.

[...]

I asked Martin to try and hunt down Mr. Adekoya himself for a follow-up, but have been informed that he passed away in 2006. 

[MAG017 The Boneturner’s Tale]

.

MARTIN

Well, I need to tell someone what happened, and you can vouch for the soundness of my mind, can’t you?

ARCHIVIST

…

That is beside the point.

[MAG022 Colony]

.

Martin! Good lord man, if you’re going to be staying in the Archives, at least have the decency to put some trousers on!

[MAG023 Schwartzwald]

.

Martin found one other thing while combing through police reports for the Hither Green area. About a month after this statement was given, on May 15th, 2015, police were called out to once again investigate the chapel.

[MAG025 Growing Dark]

.

I know, but it would have to have been Martin, wouldn’t it? I mean, anything goes wrong around here, it always seems to happen to him. Anyway, we’re getting off topic. Why didn’t you report this?

[MAG026 A Distortion]

.

Martin made contact with the son, Marcus McKenzie, but he declined to talk to us, saying that he’d “already made his statement.”

[MAG027 A Sturdy Lock]

.

Tim and Martin had a bit more luck investigating Tom Haan, though only really enough to confirm that he seems to have completely vanished following his departure from Aver Meats on the 12th of July.

[MAG030 Killing Floor]

.

Martin’s research would seem to indicate the place employed a reasonable number of international staff they preferred to keep off the books

[...]

TIM

Ah well, that’s actually what he was asking, huh! Um, apparently Martin, uh, took delivery of a couple of items last week addressed to you. Did he not mention it?

ARCHIVIST

No, he… Oh, yes, actually. I completely forgot. He said he put it in my desk drawer, hold on.

[MAG036 Taken Ill]