#used as a reference screenshot from hope and fear where she found out that the message from starfleet was in fact fabricated and they had no

[doctahchang]

she WILL cry

[cinderella-ish]

Truly no one asked, but I'm too excited not to blabber on about the reasons behind the design choices! 😅

Along a Pitch-Black Path

So, this is my attempt at writing an Akito-centric darkfic/tragedy. The premise is an AU where her initial slice to Tohru's arm was accidentally fatal. The ink is obviously symbolic of Akito's inner darkness, and I found an ink splatter with a strong diagonal "slash" in it to place directly over her body.

The One Who Stays

This was by far the hardest banner to make. Neither the title nor the premise really have any clear imagery, the premise being "What if Yuki didn't run after Kyo and instead stayed to comfort Tohru?" Additionally, the tone of the story is angst & whump with a hopeful ending (apparently my thing lol), which isn't easy to communicate in a banner. That said, I'm really happy with how it turned out! It went through a few iterations before landing here. The background is obviously representative of the bond (and those who are reading along know why), and it's a Yuki-centric story, so he's naturally present. The title quite literally refers to Yuki staying, but it comes from a quote from Audrey Niffenegger's The Time Traveller's Wife, which is "It's hard being left behind. I wait for Henry, not knowing where he is, wondering if he's okay. It's hard to be the one who stays behind." I think, in its full context, it connects to Akito struggling to let go of the bond, and Tohru's ability to relate to her due to her own fear of being left behind by her mother and now Kyo, which is why I included the anime screenshot of Tohru coming to sit beside Akito.

Bloom Within Us

Full disclosure: part of me is a little worried that this banner is a little too dark for those who're reading the fic. But it's also the most cheerful-looking and bright banner of the bunch somehow? The premise of this work is "What if Tohru didn't survive her fall from the cliff?" The fic focuses mostly on Kyo, and he and Saki are the two characters who struggle the most with Tohru's death but ultimately connect over their love of Tohru and shared grief. It's sad with a bittersweet ending/hopeful overall tone, so I didn't want a banner that was especially dark or gloomy. Anyway, it depicts Tohru in chapter 11 at the end of her funeral, just before her body is cremated, when the mourners have filled her coffin with yellow and pink chrysanthemums. Even though it's such a sad scene in the story, I think it's a really beautiful image, and it's really the root of the whole story - how does Tohru's death change the way everyone else's lives play out? In addition to depicting that scene, the banner obviously connects literally to the title (which is also kind of the theme of the work, that, to quote Murakami, "People leave strange little memories of themselves behind when they die." Tohru's dead, but she changed everyone's lives forever, and there are ways she still touches every part of them. Her special qualities take root inside of them and bloom within them.). She's memorialized in the story with a flower garden, and flowers come up between the characters a lot, too, as ways of showing care or optimism.

like the flowers and the bees

So... this is a smutty oneshot collection, so what I could represent in the banner is pretty limited lol. But obviously, the title is literally depicted. It also is a companion piece to Bloom Within Us, so lots of flower imagery makes sense. Also, I like the idea of a oneshot collection being represented by a flower garden - each is unique, but they all go together in a way.

Of Lost Cats and Half-Shadows

For this one, I just updated the version I made back when I first posted the fic. My biggest intention was to let people know it was a Furuba/JJK crossover, so I included the two couples the fic focuses on (and their stories parallel each other!!!). Because JJK is about exorcising physical manifestations of curses, I wanted to show the Zodiac curse manifested, so I used a screengrab from the anime of when Yuki's curse breaks, represented again by a rope. Additionally, the enso is an important symbol and practice in Japanese Buddhism. (Side note: both JJK and Furuba explore Buddhist philosophy!) The enso has many layered meanings, but the ones that most connect to the themes of this fic are those of enlightenment - something which Gojo has already achieved in JJK and which is symbolically represented in Furuba by the end of the cycle of rebirth with the breaking of the curse - and the beauty of impermanence. The title comes from a Murakami quote in Kafka on the Shore, "What I think is this: You should give up looking for lost cats and start searching for the other half of your shadow." Obviously, it's a reference to Megumi (shadow boy) and Kyo (cat boy) who are the two protagonists.

ichigo ichie

Impermanence is also a major theme in this fic. Tohru's trying to end the cycle of the Zodiac curse and Haruhi's trying to end the time loop that has her and the host club trapped. (Side note: I'm actually super excited about the ways this fic will let me explore some of the magic in the Furuba universe with the addition of the body swap magic from your name.) Instead of an enso, I used cherry blossoms to represent impermanence. The main relationships in this story are Tohru/Kyo and Tohru&Haruhi&Akito. And, like most of my stories, grief is a major theme in this one. New to me, though, is the Japanese folklore that'll be at the center of the conflict. (Like I said, I'm really really excited for the ways I'll get to work with magic & the supernatural in this fic!) Ichigo ichie is a Japanese saying roughly equivalent to "once in a lifetime meeting." The literal translation is more like "one lifetime, one meeting." This will play out in a more literal sense at the climax of the story, but "ichigo" is also the Japanese word for strawberry, and both Tohru and Haruhi are known to like strawberries.

lovers alone wear sunlight

This one is pretty straightforward. In this series, there's sort of a strong divide between before the curse breaks and after. Tonally, this banner is more in line with the after. But since the arc of the series is hopeful, and the title is optimistic, I'm going with it. I used a screengrab from the anime of Tohru and Kyo as adults, kissing, and added a sunflowery border to one side.

That Day in the Rain

Again, pretty straightforward. This is a small section of a (free stock image) watercolor painting of someone walking down a path in the rain toward a house. I liked how the tree branches could feasibly be those at Shigure's house, which is the location where most of the canon-divergent events in this series take place. Since the series will span from light angst with a dash of fluff all the way to heavy tragedy, I wanted something relatively neutral, tonally, that wouldn't be out of place at either end. Also, I just thought this was a really nice painting.

Instead of writing, I spent some time making banners for my fics and series. Nothing yet for my JJK oneshot - if I write more, I'll make a series banner.

All banners were designed in Canva (free version), and all component images came from Canva or Pixabay except:

character designs and anime screenshots are from series wikis

one background image is from an iStock photo free trial (the rope background from "The One Who Stays" - typically $15)

Feedback welcome! I'll be adding these to my social media posts for each work later today and will be using these on fic posts going forward!

[potteresque-ire]

hello, ily metas! thank you for taking the time for them. i hope you dont mind an ask with two follow up questions to your metas i'm curious about: 1) has mxtx rly been sentenced? i have seen others also share this news but other fans have quickly dismissed and gotten pissed at these reports for being fake news that are bad for mxtx, and as fearmongering. 2) for those who want to support yizhan but not the ccp, do you have advice how to navigate fan support and interaction with their media?

Hello! I apologise for the late reply!  You’ve brought up some interesting points, so please forgive me for responding with an essay.

First, about MXTX — This is a follow-up to this post.

Unfortunately, this is all we got—all everyone has got about MXTX’s current situation: on 2020/11/10, she was sentenced in Hangzhou Shang Cheng District’s People’s Court (杭州市上城區人民法院). No details were given on her verdict, due to “人民法院認為不宜在互聯網公布���其它情形”  (“The People’s Court decided it inappropriate to announce further details on the internet”). Here’s a link with the screenshot that showed all the information released about the case that day.

There are enough copies of similar screenshots to this one online, with the differences dependent on where the publisher pulled the information from the same website: 中國裁判文書網, an online archive of verdicts run by China Supreme People’s Court. There’re few reasons, therefore, to believe the information on the screenshot was fake. The link I used was Sina’s Financial News, which I believe is trustworthy enough for China’s standard.

It is also important to note, of course, that two scenarios may still render this screenshot irrelevant. 1) The verdict, which was not mentioned in the screenshot, was “not guilty” and 2) the name listed in the case, 袁依楣, was not MXTX at all.

Few have seemed to suspect 2) to be a possibility. Her real name might have been prior knowledge among some fans, or the combination of her surname and city of residence. 1) has been the where the concern / debate is.

I included China’s rate of conviction in the original post for this reason: acquittal is exceedingly rare (<0.1%) for the arrested in China. This short article discussed some reasons.

So, is it possible that MXTX is now a free woman? Yes. Is it likely? Not at all.

Still, since the probability that MXTX is imprisoned isn’t 100%, is spreading this news smearing her name? Fear-mongering?

I can only answer for myself, Anon, but my answer is no for both questions, which is why I’ve felt comfortable posting about her case. MXTX’s alleged “crimes” are things we already knew she did, or common practices among Chinese IP writers. We know she penned MDZS and other BL works; we know MDZS, in particular, has an 18+ element. She was said to have sold merch based on her works, but that wasn’t unusual at all for writers in Jinjiang, where she published her writing. Even those who don’t like her have seemed to agree that it was her writing that got her into trouble, not some other crimes she could’ve committed.

IMO, a guilty verdict doesn’t tell us as much about her as it does about the judicial system, the business practices of her country. It’s worth re-mentioning that media giants such as Tencent are closely tied to the government; Tencent’s WeChat, for example, is part of China’s Great Firewall and is used for surveillance, for censorship and removal of political dissidents. What MXTX’s case hints at is this: the government has (very likely) convicted her, while its close allies are continuing to use her works—works that got her into legal trouble in the first place—to make money. Some fans of MXTX have questioned if the courts have censored the details of the case to save the embarrassment of the rich and powerful, calling what has happened to MXTX 人血饅頭 (“human blood steamed buns”), an idiom used to describe the act of profiting out of someone elses’ life.

As for fear-mongering, here are my thoughts ~ it would’ve been fear-mongering if the public has access to the facts, and not years after they happen. Specifically, it would’ve been fear-mongering to leak the rumours of MXTX’s sentencing, when the judicial system is transparent and the case details will soon be published for all to see. Why? Because “fear” comes from the unknown, and “-monger” is the unnecessary promotion, stirring-up of this fear.

To promote, stir up anything, one needs a reference level. The reference level in this scenario is this: what is the level of fear if the facts about MXTX’s (and other BL writers’) situation are known? Of course, this knowledge doesn’t make MXTX’s experience any easier or more just; it doesn’t cause her less fear. However, she isn’t the target audience of this likely-to-be-true rumour. The target audience is the public and in particular, those who consume and/or generate BL material online.

What is the level of fear among this population if the facts about MXTX’s (and other BL writers’) situation are known? It’s the (relative) comfort in knowing the government’s stance on what they do: how the administration feels about BL, 18+ BL, and their distribution methods. The comfort comes from having the right information to decide how to act accordingly. For example, if I’m a BL writer based in China and I know the court has found MXTX guilty of bypassing publishing houses but not of writing M/M romance, then I’ll know to not produce paper versions of my writing, but I can keep writing.

This reference level of fear is unavailable here, however, since the government has decided to withhold all details about the case. Without this reference level, fear-mongering becomes a ... difficult to define concept.

Are these likely-to-be-true rumours agents of fear, or are they hints on how to survive in a country that lacks transparency?

Continuing with the example of I being a Chinese BL writer, since I cannot expect to hear more facts about MXTX, this rumour is all I’ve got in choosing what to do with my hobby, in deciding whether it is safe to continue. As I’m aware that a rumour isn’t a fact, I first research on the rumour’s likelihood of truth (similar to what I’ve done for MXTX’s case), and cross my fingers that I don’t get it wrong.

By doing so, I’m turning these rumours into my survival guide.

Is it risky? Yes. Is it exhausting? Absolutely. But this is the way of life for people who live under secretive, authoritarian governments—the authoritarian element making it impossible to demand more facts. It may take people outside such regimes some time to get used to—to the lifestyle, and to the idea that, in a place where news is often synonymous with propaganda, rumours are breadcrumbs of truth that should be sieved through with equal care as one would sieve through the news. Heeding, considering the probable truth of what the authority has deemed to be fear-mongering rumours can be a matter of literal life and death. 

Take...COVID. (I apologize for bringing up this unpleasant topic!)

I shall link to an article about the early spread of COVID in Wuhan here and ask: were Dr. Li Wenliang and the seven other doctors fear-mongering? Wuhanese chose to believe in the government, but at what cost to them? What would the world be like today if they took the early COVID rumours as true and masked up like Hong Kongers—Hong Kongers who weren’t any smarter or better, but had simply learned their painful lessons from the 2003 SARS epidemic? 

(Why hadn’t the Wuhanese learned? Because the government has long changed the narrative of SARS, taught their people that the illness originated in Hong Kong.) 

(How can one learn from past mistakes if one pretends those mistakes never existed?)

You must be wondering, Anon, why I’m talking about COVID when your next question is about YiZhan. The death of Dr Li Wenliang on February 7th, 2020, sparked a demand for freedom of speech rarely seen in internet-age China. Its fury, its ferocity forced the government to change its stance on Dr Li, again an unusual move. Since January 2020, Weibo had been censoring COVID news and opinion pieces that shedded a negative light to the central government; after the death of Dr Li, the censorship apparatus stepped up, making way for the propaganda machine to kick in later and change the narrative of the pandemic.

Here are some questions without definite answers, but may be food for thought for YiZhan fans:

1) While the Chinese government’s censorship apparatus (including Weibo) might have silenced the voices of dissent, of mourning on the surface, was it more likely to pacify, or fuel the anger of netizens, many of whom had lost loved ones, many of whom were still under quarantine?

2) Less than three weeks after the death of Dr Li, a group of fans demanded even *more* censorship from the government—the closing of an internet website that had been seen as a relatively free space to express oneself. How would these netizens react, even though they knew little about these fans or their idol?  

(It was, in the context of the massive silencing of COVID discussions in China, that I learned about the ban of AO3. There had been rumours that the government would censor more websites on 2020/03/01. When I read about AO3′s ban on 2/27, my thoughts were 1) Hmm. This came two days early. 2) AO3? Really?)

(I wouldn’t watch The Untamed or know who Gg was until several months later.)

Now, Anon, this is a good time to get to your CCP (Chinese Communist Party) question.

The very short answer is no. There’s no way to support YiZhan without, to a certain level, supporting the CCP. As mentioned above, the media companies are all part of China’s surveillance system. Weibo is where freedom of speech is curbed. Our two boys have been part of the propaganda machine; the BBC article linked above had a tiny picture of Gg on it, as he was a performer in the Hero in Harm’s Way (最美逆行者), a “real-life based” drama on COVID. DD just did a show glorying the Chinese police force (and here’s a video of the same force welding doors to lock in COVID-stricken residents).

Nonetheless, here’s my first advice: please do not beat yourself up for supporting YiZhan!

Gg and Dd are people who live within the system, inside the Great Firewall. They understand the world the way their government has taught them to—not only in school, but also in the news and media. Like most youths in every country, they’re patriotic—and to expect them to be otherwise, especially because of information they don’t have, is both unrealistic and unfair. Even if they do know about certain things impermissible within the Firewall, in China (as in many Communists countries), openly expressing / performing one’s proper political leanings (ie. loyalty towards CCP) is among the most important pre-requisites for any job. This has been especially true for c-ent in recent years .

They, like most of their countrymen, are doing what they have to do.

In this case, it comes to us, our decisions on how to interact with their works. How should we deal with them, their propaganda elements?

The answer, of course, varies from person to person. Personally, I’ve chosen the approaches of “immunisation” and “restriction”. By “immunisation”, I mean learning about as much historical and sociopolitical facts from non-CCP sponsored sources; this is understandably difficult for someone who doesn’t already have some familiarity with the culture and politics of the region, and/or cannot read the language. 

Restriction means limiting my consumption of media produced by China. I avoid shows (dramas, documentaries, variety etc) featuring topics that are likely to contain heavy propaganda, such as the military, the police, Hong Kong/Macao/Taiwan, and of course, anything pertaining to the CCP, from its rise to its governance of the country.

In general, I’m wary of all information presented about the post-monarchy years (post 1911), even though CCP wouldn’t begin its reign until after WWII (1949). Why so early? 1) Because CCP was formed in 1921 and so its glorification requires a change of narrative since then; 2) because the Nationalist Party (Kuomintang, KMT), which governed China between 1912 and 1949 (the so-called Republican Era 民國), would end up exiling to and setting up a new government in Taiwan.

How much propaganda should one expect in shows depicting the country post-1911? The current TV and webdrama directives (previously discussed in this post) offer some hints. Here are my translations of the relevant items:

D7) Dramas about the Republican era: Glorification of the Republican Era, the Beiyang Government, and Warlord Era requires strict control.

D10) Crime drama: crime drama is the focus of content auditing. The Ministry of Public Security (Pie note: in charge of law enforcement, ie, police) will be involved in the audit. The process of crime solving cannot be exposed; criminal psychology and motivations can however be depicted in detail. Undercover police cannot use drugs or kill, or damage the image of the police force. Criminals must be punished by law.

D12) Dramas featuring realistic topics: realistic topics must adhere to the correct world view, philosophy of life and moral values. They cannot place too strong an emphasis on social conflicts, must showcase the beautiful lives of the commoners. Regular folks should display larger-than-life sentiments and aspirations; they can pursue wealth, but must use proper means to do so; they cannot damage the public image of specific employment types, groups and social organisations. Do not preach negative or decadent world view, philosophy of life and moral values. Do not exaggerate, amplify social issues; do not over showcase, display the darker sides of society; do not preach affluence, avoid things that have no basis in real life.

D16) Dramas featuring the Revolution (Pie note: CCP’s coming to power): 2019 is the publicity period of the 70th Anniversary of the People’s Republic of China. Although the “Three Importances” (important revolution, important people, important events) are still encouraged, the  National Radio and Television Administration requires all departments, at all levels, to strengthen the control of content and the overall management of the industry, and focus on the auditing of content pertaining to the Sino-Japanese war and espionage dramas.

These directives (as those translated in the other post) are as vague as they are restrictive, and to err on the side of caution, production companies tend to “overachieve” to avoid going against headwinds at the censorship board. This means their products have a tendency to malign the Republican Era (D7). It means they will likely twist history in trying to depict the CCP as faultless heroes (D16). It means they'll probably present a utopian-like society and call it reality-based (D12), a society in which the good guys share the same values as the CCP and always win (D10).

Yes, my “restriction” means I skipped Hero in Harm’s Way. It means I’ve never listened to Gg’s version of 我和我的祖國 despite my absolute adoration of his voice. It means I just missed Dd’s performance in the law enforcement celebration event. It means I don’t plan on watching Being A Hero and Ace Troops.

So here’s where I’ve drawn the line, Anon, but it doesn’t mean that’s what anyone should do. Only you alone can decide where your own comfort zone is. I write these metas in the hopes that it can offer a … gateway for those who’d like to understand, with a more telescopic lens, Gg and Dd’s country—a country that holds a particularly strong hold over its citizens’ fate including, yes, their romantic fate. It’s not my wish to impose my opinions on anyone.

If I have other hopes… It’s this. Please, as long as it’s safe for you to talk, do not self-censor—especially about facts, especially on sites like Tumblr or Twitter that have long been banned by the Chinese government. I don’t mean one should go about and confront those who insist on a different version of reality. To undo opinions rooted in years of education, IMO, the process has to be voluntary, and the information is already at the fingertips of those who’re surfing these sites and wish to learn more. More importantly, open discussions of these topics may be risky for those who still have close ties to China, and keeping them safe should always be the top priority. 

What I mean is simply this ~ please do not feel obliged to agree with every perspective presented in YiZhan’s work just because you support the leads. Please do not feel you must remain silent about the CCP—its good, bad and ugly—just because your favourite stars happen to come from the country it’s ruling. And please remember: “Chinese”, as a term, has always included people who live outside CCP’s control, many of whom still fully embrace the culture, traditions and values of Historical China, a 5000-years long string of dynasties with shifting borders, ethnic makeup and customs. The Untamed is a mainland Chinese production, yes, but its genre, its manner of presenting certain traditions, wouldn’t have been developed, or flourished, without the diaspora. The CCP has only been the ruling party of one country, the People’s Republic of China, for 71 years, and as a party with foreign (soviet) roots and a record of destroying the pillar of the country’s tradition, Confucianism, it doesn’t own a monopolistic say on how every Chinese should think and act—no matter how much it insists it does—or how everyone should think and speak about China and its people.

It isn’t qualified.

[purplerose244]

My thoughts on Seabound!!! 🌊🌊🌊 (2/4)

SPOILERS ALERT!!!

For now, nothing to complain about! We got Nya, we got MAYA AND RAY, we got GILES PANTON BACK A LEGO SHOW!!! 😍😍😍

Of course now I'm definitely curious about what the story is really about, like I'm guessing Wojira will wake up at some point so... Great Devourer all over again maybe? 😅 Idk, for now I just wanna enjoy Nya having her moment 🥳

Alright, here we go!

GENERAL THOUGHTS

New alert for reader, during the Nexo Knights period I was and still am the hugest Clay fan. Now that his voice is in this season I might scream more than necessary... keep that in mind 😅

I love the humor in this, all random but still kinda clever 😂😂 Maybe I'm biased because I love Jay but still 🤷‍♀️

I really like the design of the marine world, very cool!! 🌊🌊🌊

I guess I'm not really seeing any big plot twist moment for now? Ninjago seasons have history of basing seasons on a "we need to prevent this event from happening but it will happen anyway", so I can see Wojira waking up no matter what 🤷‍♀️

I wonder if that will be shocking? Usually when this situation happen, someone makes a major sacrifice (Zane with the Overlord, sensei Garmaron with Chen, again sensei G with the Preeminent...). Maybe Maya? I DON'T WANT THAT 😭 But I am curious, everything is going nicely and I'm not sure what it will bring! 🤩 I'M EXCITED SO LET'S GO!!!

THE WRATH OF KALMAAR

So this is the name of Clay's new incarnation, neat! 👍

Okay really, for having a season lately the main character just can't help but be trapped by the villain: kinda Zane in the ICE Chapter, Jay in Prime Empire, Cole in Master of the Mountain... we can call it a tradition at this point 🤷‍♀️

Giant serpent, yadda yadda, I wonder if we're gonna address the Great Devourer at some point? Not mandatory, but the reference would be very cool 🤩

Clay's new incarnation is a prince I- *hyperventilates in awe*

Nya playing dumb lol, I don't know if that's personal experience as she used to get kidnapped a lot in the past or she just have too many idiots in her life 😂

ALSO ANOTHER BEST GIRL'S SMIRK

NYA YOU'RE TOO MUCH ILY ❤💙❤💙

Jay I love that you're so worried about Nya but maybe try NOT TO DIE? YOU'RE WITH LLOYD AND ZANE YET YOU'RE THE ONE GOING FOR THE SACRIFICE WTH?? 😱 But he's worried about his cool GF I kinda get it, also he didn't do it so good...

WHAT. THE. HECK.

WHO ARE YOU OH MY FIRST SPINJITZU MASTER YOU'RE ADORABLE I WANNA KNOW EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU YOU ABSOLUTE CUTIE 🤩🤩🤩

So Giles is doomed to voice LEGO characters with daddy issues 😂 That being not having a dad at all or having one that is... a good guy? Idk he seems chill with the surface at first glance, I wonder what's the story of this family

Maya reminds of my mom, she also mentions her work a lot and I study the same thing. But she doesn't want to brag, it gets annoying but she just wants to give me advice. It's nice to see actually 👍 Also Ray reference NEAT ❤❤❤

Wow, if any child-parent couple of this show was doomed at going semi Emperor's New Groove style, I would've bet on Ed and Jay honestly 😅

Oh HECK yes I knew that with my water girls things were BOUND to get cool 😎 ... yeah I know where the door is *goes away*

JAY NO WHAT DID I TELL YOU ABOUT TRYING TO DIE STOP DOING WHAT YOU'RE DOING!!! 😱😱😱

My GOSH that scared the crap out of me 😅 Jay honey we have too many deaths in this team, you're not helping... BUT YOU POWERED AN ENTIRE SHIP BECAUSE YOU LOVE NYA AND YOU DIDN'T DIE AND I LOVE YOU SO MUCH BLUEBELL 💙💙💙

They were all so worried, I love this ninja family so freaking much 💜💜💜 Also better not tell this one to his GF 😂

And Bluebell?

Welcome to the "change eye color because of elemental power" team! WE GOT ANOTHER ONE I LOVE WHEN IT HAPPENS!!! 😍😍😍

Awww, Zane letting Jay be the captain, that was so cute of him 💕

Another great episode! Doing great so far but I still wonder if we got into the main story. Feels like there should be more, well we got time! Next one! 😊

LONG LIVE THE KING

Sooooo... that's one very telling title 😅 If we're going full Lion King on this one, I think I know where this is going 😵

Maya: Don't they know that metal taste terrible?!? (Again feels like Kai could say something like this 😂)

FINALLY NYA USING FREAKING WATER POWERS UNDER THE SEA!!! Thank you Maya for saying out loud what we were all thinking 👌👌

NINJA TO THE RESCUE!!!

Pff, okay, the fact that Kalmaar is all evil and cruel and then he gets startled like that, it's kind or adorable! 💕 Honestly Giles got such a deep voice, with Clay it was firm warm and reassuring, here we got plain devious and I ADORE it 😍😍😍

Maya come on don't doubt your daughter 😅 But I like her, and if she knew Nya they way we all do she wouldn't doubt that she could make it every time 😎

Yeah I was right, the king seems chill... oww I fear what's coming then 😳

Okay, so Kalmaar thinks that the world should go back to be lead by them like in the past, while the king just wants peace with the surface. And as we know, no drama no season so...

Yep, saw the death coming 😅

WHOA DID NOT SEE THAT LITTLE BLAME ACT COMING KALMAAR IS SO EVIL!!!... with a glorious voice but still (Rose focus on something that is not that godlike voice, you can do it 💪💪)

THE OLD ONE TWO I LOVE THIS SO MUCH COMBO ATTACK!!! 🌊❄🌊❄

Awww Benthomaar is actually really cute, he's so worried about his father 😢 And he's adopted apparently? I wanna know the story!!! 🤩🤩

Yep, there's the reason why Zane got a mask even though he doesn't need one, it completes his attire 😂😂😂 My gosh how I love this nindroid ❄

Did... did Jay just say phooey? Dude Ducktales ended a while ago but I'm still not over it 😭

I said it once before I'll say it again, Ninjago is really REALLY good at making death scenes. Like, omg, I genuinely felt sorry for them 😢😢 I also really liked that the king didn't ask to be avenged, he still wanted peace and he asked his son to protect the ninja and he cried actual tears...

MY HEART WTH 😭😭😭 So we're adding this to the real tears moments of the show, with Jay crying over pie, Zane with the flashback of his dad, Jay crying over Nya and Lloyd thinking the ninja are gone... my world this show is angsty 🙂

Third startle for prince Kalmaar, I love the gag 😂 Oh wait, king Kalmaar 🤷‍♀️

Okay, we got a coup, the ninja running away because they got framed, Benthomaar is most likely going to join them or at least help them, I guess Wojira will come out at some point while... Kai, Ray and Cole are still playing videogames? 😅

THIS IS GETTING COOL I WONDER WHAT WILL HAPPEN NEXT AAAAHHH HECK YES THERE IS THE HYPE!!! 😍😍😍

Although I hope we get more stuff with Nya and Maya, that's what I like 🤩

ESCAPE FROM MERLOPIA

I'm good at English and I can follow most of it, but the fantasy names are tricky so I didn't get before that this was the name of the place 😅 It's nice, at least it's not another Atlantis 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️

LLOYD I SWEAR TO YOUR GRANDPA IF YOU TRY TO DIE AGAIN 😱

NYA YOU ARE NOT A GOOD SUBSTITUTE NONE OF YOU ARE OMG 😱😱

Ah, there he is, my new son Benthomaar 💙 He is so lovable already, I know nearly nothing about him and I like his character already a lot! He could relate with all of the ninja really, but maybe with Jay the most? They were both adopted after all 🤔🤔

*scribble note for a fanfic for later if this doesn't come up in the season*

Alright moving on 😗

I am so happy Nya gets a season, Kelly got a great emotional range that doesn't come out often in my opinion, but with a full introspection of water goddess we are all blessed by her voice acting 😍

Gotta say, admitting that Bentho didn't have to help them to answer the usual 'Can we trust him' question is pretty reasonable, like, better than other stupid answers 😅

Also don't mind me

Just screenshotting by ship 💙❤💙❤

Somehow lately we are letting Jay do the talking and I both hate and LOVE the fact 😂😂 Plain Bluebell nonsense, heck yes that's my jam👌👌

MAYA IS SO COOL OMG 🤩🤩

I literally can't not laugh at the startle gag with Kalmaar 😂

LLOYD WHAT DID I JUST SAY ABOUT SELF SACRIFICING!! PLEASE IT'S NOT EVEN YOUR SEASON!! 😱😱😱😱

Aww Jay is still the Captain, nice! Wonder if it's giving him Skybound flashbacks... I hope not considering all he went through that time, poor Sparky 😅😅

ARE THOSE LITTLE WU ROCKETS?? 🤯

Can we skip a season and hang out with Pixal one time? I really wanna know how she organizes her free time to create these things 😍😍😍

THANK YOU LLOYD FOR NOT DYING ONCE AGAIN, MUCH APPRECIATED!!! 💚💚💚 My green bean needs a vacation... they all do 😅

THEY ARE

SO BEAUTIFUL 💙🌊💙🌊

Alright, back to the island hoping Kalmaar will not track us and follow us so he can get to the place and discover the amulet 🙂

Are we not calling the others? I miss my flame babe and Rocky ❤🖤❤🖤 Also RAY WATCHA DOIN I WANNA KNOW EVERYTHING 🤩🤩

THE TALE OF BENTHOMAAR

Wait what? Shark boy backstory? SHARK BOY BACKSTORY?!? 👀👀👀

Wow, I see that Kalmaar didn't change a thing growing up, still the same gonna-be-a-villain 😂 Of course his voice got a lot deeper and cool and okay you know I love his voice moving on

I find it kinda funny that Kalmaar is so focused on royal blood and superiority, while Clay was basically a farm boy who worked his way up. Giles knows how to get the character no matter what 😍

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH

BABY BENTHOMAAR AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH 😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍💙💙💙💙💙💙💙

The king seems like such a good pers- fish- creature 😅 Now I'm double sad that he died, my world, why do I always care so fast, it's not healthy in this show where everyone could die 😰😰

I'M SORRY IS THAT KAI'S HAIR??? 😂😂😂 I LITERALLY CAN'T LOOK AWAY WTH I DON'T KNOW HOW I FEEL ABOUT THIS

Literally every frame of Benthomaar makes me love him even more 😢

Interesting that we got an academic villain, he kinda reminds me of Clouse in a way, maybe even Harumi since she studied her way to her plan as well? I like that we got a bit of personality too!

Using your little bro for your own purpose... it's very evil but kinda also brotherly like 😂

Benthomaar really gives me that very PRECIOUS vibe, kinda the perfect son but also a naive and unaware BABY 💙

LEGO HUG 🤩🤩 Not exactly reciprocated but still 😅

Ooohhh, so this is how he found the temple! I like this, it shows that Bentho is most likely physically stronger than Kalmaar, while evil brother is focused on brain and studies. They are planned differently, I like it! 😚😚

Ouch, peer pressure... sibling pressure? Eh you get what I mean 😂

POOR BENTHO 😭😭😭 YOU GOT THE NINJA NOW DON'T WORRY WE'RE NEVER GONNA LEAVE YOU ALONE YOU PRECIOUS SHARK BABY!! 🦈🦈🦈

Bentho: will I really fit in with you guys? Do you really understand how I feel?

Lloyd: Jay was adopted, Nya's parents were gone most of her life, Zane lost his father while mine turned evil

Bentho(tearing up): yeah that can work

Okaaaaayyyyy, I like that we got a bit of backstory for Bentho too! We didn't get much for Vanya in Master of the Mountain, which is the only thing I was sad about (very little detail, AMAZING season 🖤🖤🖤), nice to see it here!!

But I really want more Nya and Maya interactions, I hope we'll soon get to them again!! 😍😍😍

Alright, getting somewhere here! I'm very curious about what's next 🤩🤩

[hyuniepot]

the butterfly effect. || chapter 3

chapter word count || 1,763

genre || thriller, angst, drama

members || mark lee, na jaemin, lee jeno, huang renjun, lee donghyuck, zhong chenle, park jisung

warnings || mentions of death, implications of depression

pairing || fem!reader x jaemin || slight fem!reader x mark

synopsis || you never thought you’d be able to play with fate so easily, especially not through some shady app. but you suddenly must say goodbye to what you know and hello to a new world where everything seems perfect.

taglist || @gothboyjisung​ @jeongyoonohs @doiewonu @huanginjoon​

a/n || please read the replies to see what was removed from the beginning! luckily it was only one paragraph :-)

previous chapter

Wednesday, September 13

The past week had been great. You had gotten used to your new schedule and friends. You were starting to think maybe you could get used to this. Granted, doing something after school everyday whether it be practice or hanging out with friends, got pretty exhausting. But you didn’t mind. In the long run, it helped you sleep better.

“So who’s paying?” Hyuck asks, sliding into the booth seat across from you. Mark sat next to you.

“So who’s paying?” Hyuck asks, sliding into the booth seat across from you. Mark sat next to you.

“So who’s paying?” Hyuck asks, sliding into the booth seat across from you. Mark sat next to you.

“I can,” you say. “I have some extra money.”

Hyuck nods. “Good enough for me. When was the last time you paid?” he teases.

“I don’t know,” you say, grinning. “It’s not my fault you guys like to pay for our food.” you didn’t even know if that was true.

“You guys? More like just me. When was the last time you paid, Hyuck?” Mark asks. You internally cringe at your slip-up.

Hyuck puts his hands up in defense. “Hey, don’t get mad at me! I pay… sometimes…” he mumbles.

A waitress takes your order and you pull out your phone as Mark and Hyuck talk about something that happened in their science class. The ButterFly app is still there, almost taunting you. You ignored it and opened instagram. Finally, your social media was back to normal. No unsettling ads to be found.

You liked some pictures from your classmates -- Yeri’s selfie and a screenshot of her listening to Ariana Grande. Sihyeon, one of your new friends, posting a candid photo of her outside of a store. Suhyun, showing off a makeup look she did recently, looking cute as usual. A boy named Xiaojun posted selfies as well. You didn’t really know him, but you both had the same history class. You quickly scroll past a selfie of Naeun and Jaemin, trying to ignore it entirely.

“Do you remember that?” Mark asks you, laughing.

You put your phone down. “Remember what?”

“When you were scared of butterflies.”

You smile. Finally, something from this universe you already knew. “Yeah… I remember,” you reply, laughing. “Why do you ask?”

“Because our friend Hendery said he used to be scared of them too. It made me think of you.” Mark says, glancing away from you. “And then I took you to that butterfly garden and you suddenly loved butterflies. It was kinda cute, watching your feelings towards them turn from fear to love,” Mark tells you. You ignore the warmth in your cheeks.

The waitress returned with your food, putting it down on the table. You dug in, realizing how hungry you were. You, Mark, and Hyuck just talked about random subjects like the shows you’ve been watching on Netflix, things that happened at school and practice, and how good the food tasted until you were all ready to head out.

“I’ll go pay,” Mark says, scooting out of the booth.

“What? Mark, I said I was paying,” you argue, quickly scooting out after him.

“It’s fine. I’m used to paying.” he replies.

“Oh my god,” Hyuck groans. “You better not complain about me not paying ever again. You’re the one always volunteering.”

Mark shrugs. “I’m feeling generous.” he starts to walk towards the front counter.

“No. I said I was paying, so I’m paying.”

You go to follow him, but Hyuck suddenly grabs your wrist. “Hey, can I use your phone real quick?”

You stand, stunned, for a moment at the question. “Uh, yeah. That’s fine. The passcode is 7492.” Hyuck nods and lets go of your wrist, and you turn to catch up with Mark.

He’s pulling out his wallet. “Mark, I’m not giving up. Let me pay, please?”

Mark grins. “Okay. Since you’re so adamant,” he puts his wallet in between his arm and his side. “Rock paper scissors? Best out of 3.”

You roll your eyes, sighing. “Fine.”

Rock, paper, scissors, shoot.

You cheer as you beat Mark.

Rock, paper, scissors, shoot.

Mark wins.

Rock, paper, scissors, shoot.

You return to your table, dejected. Damn it. You didn’t even care about paying, you just wanted to beat Mark. “How is he so good at every-”

Your heart nearly stops as you see Hyuck on your phone. You recognize the familiar layout of ButterFly. And he was looking at what you sent. You snatch your phone out of his hands, your face growing hot with embarrassment. How the hell were you going to explain this to him?

“You downloaded it?” he asks, softly.

“Yes. But it’s… I just,” you try to speak, but nothing would come out.

“I knew it,” he breathes. “I used it too.”

You’re stunned again. You don’t even know how to respond. You weren’t even sure if you understood what he was saying.

Hyuck stares ahead. “I wished for something too,” he tells you. “And it put us in the same universe.”

You’re suddenly lightheaded. So this Hyuck was the one from your old life. The one who annoyed you and Jaemin everyday. And he knew you were the old you.

“Listen,” you say. Your voice is trembling. “We will talk about this later.”

“Talk about what?” you turn and see Mark.

“Homework. I used her phone to call my mom and when I hung up she got a text from a friend. We all have literature together and we just found out we have a project due on Friday.” Hyuck says, nonchalantly. “It’s a long story, but now we only have two days to do it.”

You nod, thanking the Gods above that Hyuck was a good liar.

“Damn,” Mark picks up his drink and drinks what’s left. “That sucks. I hope you guys get it done in time.”

“Yeah. We’ll have to work on it tomorrow. We don’t have practice, how about you?“ Hyuck gets out of his seat.

“I don’t either,” you reply. You all exit the restaurant start your walk home.

Mark and Hyuck talk again. You wonder what Hyuck could have wished for that put you in the same universe as him. Maybe it was the same thing. You just tried not to be too freaked out by it and tried to mentally prepare yourself to talk about it with Hyuck. You had just started to feel normal here, and now everything was turned upside down.

You make it home safely and try to relieve your stress by hanging out with Jisung and Chenle, who had come over after school. You watch them shoot hoops outside for a bit.

You wonder where Jisung’s love for basketball came from. He wasn’t really into it in your old life -- he was more into dance, although he was starting to become more and more uninterested in it. You knew Chenle was always into basketball, so maybe he was able to keep Jisung interested in it.

Then you remember that here, Mark and Hyuck were both on the basketball team. You start to think maybe Mark helped Jisung and Chenle get into it. You make a mental note to try and get Mark or Jisung to talk about it with you soon.

Once the sun started to set, Chenle went home and you went inside with Jisung. You did your homework with him. “Hey, (y/n?)”

“What’s up?” you respond, not looking up from your paper.

You hear Jisung shift in his chair. “Did you and Mark break up?”

You almost break your pencil out of surprise. You look up at Jisung, who is staring back. You weren’t even sure how to respond. Were you dating Mark? In the past week you’d spent with him, there was nothing that indicated you were dating him. He never referred to you as his girlfriend or anything like that. So surely, Jisung had to be confused right?

You took your chances.

“Jisung,” you chuckle. “Mark and I were never dating.”

Jisung’s eyes widen. “Really? But you guys spend so much time together… I just kinda assumed…” he continues working on the assignment in front of him. “I just thought you didn’t tell me because it’s none of my business,”

You sigh in relief with a smile. “But why do you ask? Mark and I are still great friends.”

“Well,” Jisung puts his pencil back down and closes his notebook. “He never comes over anymore.” he says softly.

Your shoulders drop and you sigh. “He’s just really busy,” you reply. “He’s busy with school and he has practice after school. He doesn’t have a lot of free time these days.”

“I know…” Jisung says softly. “Which is why I feel so dumb complaining. I just… miss hanging out with him. But he’s your friend, not mine. I don’t think he wants to be hanging out with some kids,”

“Hey,” you say firmly. “He’s your friend too. Trust me, Mark doesn’t care about his friends being younger. You’re only what, 2 and a half years younger than him? That’s nothing!” you say. “Seriously, you’re too in your head, okay? Don’t overthink it. Mark doesn’t hate you or anything.” you tell him.

Jisung avoids eye contact with you as he picks up his things, standing up from his spot.

“But… don’t feel dumb for being worried about things like that. It’s normal. Don’t be afraid to talk to me if you’re ever feeling sad, alright?” you tell him. He gives you a small smile before nodding and leaving the room.

It was awkward to tell him that. Jisung never talked about his feelings to you, and you definitely didn’t do it either. That just wasn’t how your relationship was. Jisung was 10 times happier here than he was in your old life, but even now he still had worries. All you could feel was guilt; You had been sacrificing Jisung’s feelings for the sake of not feeling embarrassed.

You shake the feeling off and try to finish your homework. You had enough to feel stressed and guilty about, there was no to go back and fix things now.

Or so you think.

[outbythehighwind]

The Misconceptions of FF7: A Cloud, Aerith & Tifa Analysis Part 2/5

Link to all parts: https://outbythehighwind.tumblr.com/post/640347336477966336/the-misconceptions-of-ff7-a-cloud-aerith-tifa

Last post, I examined the misconceptions around Cloud’s character with a brief psychological analysis on how the selves that are “Ex-SOLDIER” Cloud and ‘real’ Cloud pertain to ‘Cloud’ the being. This was to evidence that Cloud’s feelings (as both “Ex-SOLDIER” and his true self) are ‘Cloud’s’, and to refute the nonsensical notions that: the player until the Lifestream sequence is not really playing as Cloud; Cloud’s feelings toward Aerith are Zack’s; and only the ‘real’ Cloud’s feelings for Tifa are valid (because “Ex-SOLDIER” Cloud has feelings for Aerith).

I had referred to ‘feelings’ in the general sense. These next two posts will examine them in the specific spheres of friendship and romance.

Nowhere in the game or FF7 compilation does it explicitly state that Cloud romantically “loves” or “is in love with” Aerith or Tifa. FF7 handles its themes in a manner that is incredibly human and complex. So, before attempting an objective analysis of his ‘feelings’ beyond the general sense – ie. what kind of love he has for each woman – I want to draw attention to the role of the player.

The developers want the player to form their own attachments, have the agency to play to them out, and have their own emotions evoked throughout their experience of the game. This is why the love triangle exists within the narrative – narrative being that tool by design (how the story is told; the lens by which the player experiences the game, and the tool by which the writers play with the player’s emotions). The player can, to a degree, make choices that alter story events within the narrative. They can manipulate the affection points to take Aerith or Tifa (or even Yuffie) on the Gold Saucer date. They can keep the relationship with both women platonic and have a bro’s night out with Barret. A player who is torn between the girls can therefore experience ‘more’ of the love triangle than a player who takes the latter route of bonding with Barret.

Which brings me to another nonsensical argument: that because the date mechanics ‘favor’ Aerith (who begins with a 20 affection point advantage over Tifa), the game wants Cloud to date Aerith, and therefore Cloud’s true love is Aerith. Again, nonsense. For this argument to stand, it must first adhere to the fact that the love triangle exists outside of the date mechanics: if the game wants Cloud to date Aerith, it must want Cloud to date Aerith in its plot (the always true relationship between story events that does not alter on player decision). This particular date is only an available option within the narrative. That is not to say it is not canonical – quite the contrary. Of course Aerith’s date is canonical. So is Tifa’s, or Yuffie’s, or Barret’s – if the player so chooses. It is not a plot matter, but an experience for the player.

But let us assume, for a moment, that it were a plot matter. Let us assume Cloud’s ‘romantic love’ is the person he spends the night out with at Gold Saucer. Aside from the obvious Barret and Yuffie alternatives, here is the problem: who comes for a night out is not determined by Cloud’s affection toward them, but their approachability in their affections toward Cloud. It is Aerith or Tifa (or Barret or Yuffie) who takes Cloud out. Naturally Aerith would begin with points higher than Tifa because there is no barrier of a dark & secret past between them, and Tifa has lower self-confidence, tending to lock her feelings away.

So the player has agency over the Gold Saucer experience. This does not alter the plot. Aerith will die; and Cloud’s “sealed up secret wish” involving Tifa will be brought to light in the Lifestream.

Cloud’s feelings in the plot sense – ie. as they truly are (not to the player’s subjection, but objectively Cloud’s) – are complex. Before giving my two cents worth on two beautifully deep relationships, to all who say that ‘because Cloud romantically loves one girl he doesn’t care about the other,’ I propose the following statement:

“Those who cannot conceive Friendship as a substantive love but only as a disguise or elaboration of Eros betray the fact that they have never had a Friend.” – C.S. Lewis

I lament with Mr. Lewis at the degradation of friendship's meaning in the world today. So when I speak of friendship, I wish to stress its meaning: that it is one of the highest forms of love.

Cloud’s feelings toward Aerith, I believe, can be interpreted as either of the two loves – friendship or Eros (romantic love) – or both. Even within the experience of Gold Saucer, I personally have not any solid evidence that Cloud’s feelings for Aerith are Eros, and whether they are or not has no influence on the plot. Cloud and Aerith will become (very) close; Aerith will die; Cloud will be distraught; and Cloud will continue the fight they started together – Eros or no Eros. That being said, I can see how conclusions of Eros are a possibility. Cloud’s investment in Aerith’s journey and well-being is very personal. His care toward her runs so deep, in fact, that his “Ex-SOLDIER” persona is often cracked.

Aerith is the first and only character to humor this self that Cloud is so desperate to project to the world. She takes the mickey by giving him the title なんでも屋さん (“Nandemoyasan”) – “Mr. Jack of all trades”. Yet she allows him to ‘play SOLDIER’ in making him her bodyguard and supportively holding him to that role.

Cloud is encouraged and feels strong when he is with Aerith. She raises his self-confidence and trust in his own strength in a uniquely distinct way that no other character does – not even Tifa. Though he is encouraged by Tifa to “be strong” also – in a uniquely distinct way pertaining to his accepting of self (which is, ultimately, what saves him) – Cloud feels weak around Tifa, due to his constant failure to live up to being her hero as he perceives it. With Aerith, we have the opposite effect.

Aerith simultaneously encourages the “Ex-SOLDIER” façade and breaks through it. They share laughter and tease one another on the rooftops. Cloud reveals his soft side when urging her to open up to him.

Aerith realizes that she does not know the ‘real’ Cloud, and tries very hard to find him, to bring him out. However, she does not. Not even within the Lifestream where he ends up twice in a broken state and she has maintained her complete physical consciousness. This is a role that only Tifa can fulfil.

Likewise, Cloud realizes Aerith is facing her own inner struggle – of what it means to be a Cetra – and he time and again goes out of his way to try help her, from risking his life to rescue her from Shinra to pushing to talk to her even when she wants to be left alone (note how Aerith turns her face away in the screenshots below). The writing stresses that this is by Cloud’s own investment, not simply that of the party’s as its leader. “But I’m… we’re here for you, right?”

Paralleling Aerith’s inability to reach Cloud’s true self, Cloud is unable to help her in discovering and fulfilling her task as the last Cetra, and Aerith finds herself more and more “alone” in pertinence to her inner conflict.

Her nandemoyasan, her dear friend, fails her, and that haunts Cloud after her death as he grapples with his own role in saving the Planet – a hope that is lost without Aerith.

Which now brings us to her death.

Aerith dies at the point where Cloud’s inner conflict against Sephiroth first peaks for the worst. Just having become aware that Sephiroth can override his very conscious (being forced to hand over the Black Materia in the Temple of the Ancients), Cloud has begun to doubt himself and is immensely afraid of who he is. Immediately following is his failure to save Aerith.

Cloud, whose entire life struggle and “Ex-SOLDIER” persona were built upon his self-loathing due to feelings of failure, weakness and inadequacy, has just failed to save this woman so precious to him. We see the haunting and guilt it holds over him in Advent Children, where he despairs and distances himself from his family for fear of failing them too.

Cloud does everything in his power to ensure Aerith’s mission is complete, not just for sake of the Planet, but for Aerith. The fight for the Planet is the party’s fight – the “we” fight, together as a whole. But it is more for Cloud, so much more.

“I’ll do the rest.”

Cloud’s external fight for the Planet and his personal feud with Sephiroth is in much part out of his deep love for Aerith.

This love is, no doubt, an incredibly powerful mutual friendship. It is clear that, in addition to this friendship, Aerith has romantic feelings for Cloud (which I will evidence in part 4), but what of Cloud for Aerith? Could he have feelings for her that are Eros too? Absolutely. I have found no evidence implicitly for it, nor implicitly against it, and that to me is a beauty of player experience in the narrative. (I also believe this is what Nomura meant when he expressed his desire to leave interpretation to the player.)

However, in the sense of plot and Cloud’s feelings that are not up for the player’s interpretation, I hold to my understanding that Cloud – even if having romantic feelings toward Aerith – is romantically in love with Tifa, and that that Eros is core to his very being.

I will not say “there’s nothing more” between Aerith and Cloud even in my interpretation of them as friends. For that implies friendship is a lesser love than Eros, which I do not believe is true. C.S. Lewis said that (no pun intended) “To the Ancients, Friendship seemed the happiest and most fully human of all loves,” “the crown of life and the school of virtue”, and I agree with his saying that “few value it because few experience it.”

My hope is simply this: that people would lose this notion of ‘competition’ – that one girl must win ‘all’ of Cloud’s affections, and that at the expense of one ‘winning’, his relationship with the other is belittled.

Link to all parts: https://outbythehighwind.tumblr.com/post/640347336477966336/the-misconceptions-of-ff7-a-cloud-aerith-tifa

[americangirlstar]

american girl contemporary dolls’ animal crossing islands

bc apparently covid is now canon to the agverse you know they all got new horizons

lindsey bergman: the first contemporary doll also has THE most chaotic island. she does what she wants and nobody can stop her. she only accepts the villagers with the wildest designs, made everyone’s catchphrase either uwu speak or smth like “gay rights,” only wears the most hideous outfit combinations, and buys everything from redd no matter how fake it is. one room of her house is filled with haunted artwork, another has nothing but snapping turtles. she’s figured out how to make memes into clothing patterns and now every pathway on her island is the pogchamp face. best friends with flick. honestly she’s an icon 

kailey hopkins: spends 90% of her time swimming or fishing. only 90% because she actually takes her role as island rep seriously and she has worked very hard to get it to five-star. she does abuse her power to make a million rivers and turn her island into basically a waterpark, but that just makes it cooler. died of joy when swimming was enabled and now has two of everything you can collect in the ocean decorating her house, every room of which resembles a beach house. also collects seashells and has very pretty shell arches decorating doorways

marisol luna: she went into the game with a list of who she will and will not allow on her island and is ruthless in kicking out villagers in order to get who she wants to move in. absolute QUEEN at catching tarantulas/scorpions, goes hunting for them on islands with the insane amount of nook miles she collects by doing random quests. loves collecting emotions for her character to do and then making funny videos out it. filled out the fossils in her museum FAST and now just digs up fossils to decorate the lawn with. each room of her house is a different dance studio. 

jess mcconnell: QUEEN of fishing and bug-catching but can’t dive for SHIT. she has about three of every fossil because she can’t stand the idea of selling them. is obsessed with gathering every possible DIY recipe even if she doesn’t plan on making anything with them, she just thinks they’re neat. has a shrine on her island for redd and celeste in attempts to get them to come more often. she’s been on her island religiously every day since she got the game, it’s a little scary. thinks murder should be legal on her island 

nicki fleming: cannot chose a mean dialogue option to save her life. she can barely stand to kick out villagers she dislikes either, only does it if they ask to leave and then prays to the nintendo gods that bunnie will come visit the island. the main room of her house is reflective of her actual room, the rest of it is absolutely gorgeously decorated, stuff made to look like meadows or snowy mountains. winter is her favorite, she makes a snowboy every day no matter how many times she crashes the snowballs. LIVES for cj and flick because she always hated the idea of her fish/bugs dying for a competition. saves all her new stuff for the museum for nighttime because she feels bad waking up blathers 

mia st clair: wants to hack the game so that it’s winter all the time. soon as the winter DIYs dropped she redecorated her entire island and house to be as icy as possible. she’s basically queen elsa at this point. she’s horrible at catching items so her museum is mostly fossils, but even then sometimes she sells fossils before identifying them if she’s short on bells. she visits sable every day in hopes of making her feel happy. she has pretty much every possible clothing wand so that she can carry around one to match each outfit. one time her brothers went on to try and fuck with her island and we don’t speak of what happened following that. fear her 

chrissa maxwell: shares an island with gwen and sonali. she’s the one in charge so she’s working very hard to make it a 5-star island so isabelle will stop bugging her about it. also very into DIY and likes to decorate the island with things she’s built. favorite seasonal event was the wedding anniversary one, she can’t get enough of redesigning and taking photos of those funky lil alpacas. plus, she got a lot of neat stuff out of it. goes to the able sisters every day to see what kinds of new outfits they have, and yet somehow cannot make a good fashion decision to save her life. obsessed with swimming and now leaves all other museum donations to her girlfriends so she can spend all her free time looking for crabs 

gwen thompson: somehow absolutely brutal. will send clashing-colored toilets in the mail to villagers she doesn’t like to fuck with their home design and hit them with butterfly nets. she’s tried to hit them with axes as well. shakes trees constantly in an effort to catch wasps and has not gotten stung once because she’s that quick with a net. her favorite character is celeste and chrissa and sonali have barely any star stuff because whenever celeste is on gwen is hogging the switch. changes her characters’ hairstyle, like, every five minutes. when she sends her friends gifts the letters will say something like “fuck u, love u <3″ it’s so wildly different than how she normally acts in public that it’s a little scary 

sonali matthews: even worse than gwen. has tried to murder villagers she dislikes before. sometimes fucks with parts of the island just to see how people react. would sell her soul to redd just to piss off tom nook. the only thing she takes seriously is gardening, she has a fenced-off area where she breeds flowers and woe befall anyone who messes it up. her house is a hoarder’s nightmare and chrissa and gwen have been begging her to let them redesign it but she refuses. screenshots the worst parts of their island and posts them on twitter with the dreamcode so people can see the graveyard she made to intimidate rodney 

lanie holland: still lives in a tent because she thinks it’s cool, refuses to pay up to nook so she doesn’t have to get a house. somehow has the cutest outfits of everyone. her island design is to die for, half the island is full of flowers arranged in rainbow-order and the other half looks like a faerie forest. has filled out her museum’s bug collection and has half the fossils but keeps forgetting to go fishing. her little sister emily joined her island and keeps trying to get lanie to upgrade to a house or expand other stores but lanie refuses, it’ll mess with the aesthetic. emily basically has a huge mansion in the corner of the island while everything else is practically a glorified campsite. leif is lanie’s favorite and she only collects bells in order to buy things from him 

kanani akina: the most beautiful island design you’ve ever seen. she also takes the best screencaps and posts them just so her friends know what she’s up to but becomes internet famous for how gorgeous everything is. the best designs, very diverse plants, all the houses are arranged in an aesthetically pleasing way. kanani’s house is on the beach so she can easily swim, fish and collect shells, but the inside is the best part. five of the six rooms are just as beautiful as you’d expect, with soft pastel aesthetics and quiet music playing. then her basement is referred to as the “special room” which holds nothing but several candles in a summoning circle and a single tarantula figure in the center. there’s a skeleton in the corner. whenever anyone asks about it she pretends she doesn’t know what they’re talking about. it’s the funniest thing 

mckenna brooks: disastrous. horrible at paying nook back and keeps getting angry letters from the happy home academy. her goal is to find any loopholes in the game and exploit them, no matter that the game is super simple and thus “cheats” aren’t very useful. she found out about island star ratings and now is trying in vain to get a five-star but she can’t get above a three. has been stung by wasps about a million times while shaking trees to try and find loose bells. one time she shook a tree and a toilet fell out and it now has a dedicated podium on her island, and whenever anyone asks she simply tells them that the toilet is the god of the island. hasn’t been able to keep a villager for longer than a few weeks, and also somehow got raymond on accident. still having the time of her life

saige copeland: spends far too much time designing customs and far too little removing weeds. wants to have flowers in rainbow order like lanie but keeps accidentally picking them. has absolutely no rush to do anything, lived in a tent for like three months because she forgot she could pay off loans. only accepts peppy or normal villagers so her island is pretty much all-girl and she refers to it as the amazon island; this is, however, because somehow no horses have shown up on her island yet even though she very much wants them to. likes to dream and go to random islands to get inspiration. she has a room in her house full of rainbow eels because she thinks they’re pretty 

isabelle palmer: will not stop buying things from the able sisters. she visits every day, pretty much buys one of everything, and then mixes and matches costumes instead of fixing her island. lives for the days when label visits because she takes her requests very seriously and comes back in outfits that slay™. almost exclusively gives clothing gifts to her villagers so that they have a better fashion sense. has a lot of flowers but can’t figure out how to get them to mix. the bug section of her museum has butterflies and nothing else simply because she only thinks to try and catch butterflies. hits rocks every day to try and find the daily Money Rock™. keeps trying to get raymond but her sister won’t let her pay anyone actual money for him 

grace thomas: when she visits the nook store she will solely speak to tommy. constantly checking the wiki to find out which DIYs sell well, and thus only collects shells in order to make shell arches to turn around and sell back. insanely good with bells and with figuring out how to make her island palatable, got a five-star fast. the main room of her house is decorated like a restaurant, with two different kitchen rooms and the upstairs decorated to look very french. she made everyone’s catchphrases french, too. is the only person in the world upset you can no longer eat the fish. goes swimming every day just so she can find a scallop and talk to pascal, she thinks he’s cool 

lea clark: there are a lot of plants here. just. far too many plants. of every color too! she’s very proud of it. she has a short attention span though so there’s like fifty different unfinished projects. she is best friends with like three villagers and forgets the names of the rest, but one time she accidentally hit a villager with a butterfly net and cried for an hour. only ever dresses in summer clothes and is awful at saving money so she only has like eight bells at a time. seasonal events are her absolute jam though, she can’t get enough of them. would die for leif. almost got blocked by the animal crossing twitter for constantly begging them to give her the froggy chair (thanks @lesbianleaclark!) 

gabriela mcbride: her island is more important than her social life. she is very serious about making it a functioning island, and is obsessed mainly with filling out her museum. every time she catches a sea bass instead of something new she lets out a series of swears not appropriate for a child audience. she is best friends with all of her villagers and cries whenever one of them thinks about leaving. her favorite kk slider song changes by day and she’ll switch the music around everywhere whenever she feels like it. visits other islands in order to gather materials to sell in order to make her house bigger; she’s got a dance room, a poetry corner, a student council room, and the main room looks like the liberty arts center. whenever anyone (who’s not redd) visits her island she cries and tries to figure out how to give them things for free because she loves them so much. whenever redd comes by without genuine art she tries to hack into the game in order to skin him alive

tenney grant: obsessed with getting every kk slider song. every time he shows up to the island she pulls up the list of available songs and picks one she doesn’t have yet to request. she wants to get a different song playing in every area of the island and every room of every house. shares an island with logan, jaya and holliday but she’s in charge, which sucks because holliday is way better at doing island management. she’ll text holliday with what isabelle wants her to do and then go DIY a guitar. she set up a stage area near the beach so they can give concerts for the villagers and honestly it looks gorgeous. she named her island “nashville” but makes no attempt to actually make it look like tennessee. she released her dream code on her twitter and because she’s technically a celebrity people keep coming by and asking her why everything on the island looks good except logan’s house and she’s like “ask logan idk” 

logan everett: speaking of which, yeah, logan’s house is a disaster. he cares naught for decorating his place and fills it with random things he thinks are “cool.” likes to run through flowers until they explode. the best diver on the island, though, and is responsible for that area of the museum, while tenney gets fishing, jaya gets bugs, and holliday gets fossils. they all work together to buy everything from redd whether it’s real or not because they think the art is pretty, they find out whether or not it’s real after taking it to blathers. he will place random toilets in the middle of the island and wait for someone else to find it, they have no idea he’s the one doing it and it’s driving them crazy. it’s also the funniest thing he’s ever done and he’s very proud of it. whenever kk shows up he requests a song tenney doesn’t have yet and leaves it outside her door. she didn’t ask him to do this he’s just like that 

z yang: the god of all things video games. she’s a streamer now and while she mostly streams mario, zelda or sonic games, on holidays she’ll stream her island and take suggestions for what she should do to it. due to this, her island can be a mess at times, but she somehow keeps getting good ratings. every time there’s an update she loads up a report of what’s new so she can be one of the first to try it out. she named her island something like “zworld” and refuses to change it. every room of her house is a different movie set, and she put cameras everywhere on the island “so the villagers don’t get any ideas.” somehow keeps getting rare villagers on the first try and won’t let them leave 

luciana vega: would die for celeste. her island is incredibly space-themed and well cared-for, because this game soothes her anxiety so she’s on it 24/7. her town flag is an incredibly accurate constellation. she fills out her museum specifically cause it’s run by celeste’s brother and she’d do anything for that owl; her parents got her a celeste plush for her birthday and now she won’t let go of it. she schedules her life around animal crossing updates. her favorite thing to do is go swimming at night and just look at the animation on the waves under the stars. also wisp’s best friend. won’t accept a villager unless they look like they could potentially be an alien, which means she has the coolest villager collection of everyone 

blaire wilson: due to her family’s experience running an inn she knows exactly how to run a village. her island’s almost boring in how well it’s designed and run, but she always has something extra to keep interest, like an island in the middle that’s filled with exotic flowers. went to the wedding picture event every day in order to get every piece of furniture she could and now has a “wedding area” of her island that nobody uses but is great for photos. isabelle is her favorite character and she will do anything for her. somehow able to make the funniest animal crossing memes in the world. once caught a coelacanth without expecting it and screamed and dropped her switch 

joss kendrick: the BEST fisher. has never lost a fish once, nobody knows how she does it. best friends with cj and takes his seasports challenges way too seriously. wishes they were able to surf but swimming is good, too, though sometimes she’ll spend upwards of ten minutes chasing a particularly stubborn crab. she is incredibly patient at terraforming and uses this skill for evil, as every time her cheer squad comes to visit her island she has completely changed it around and then has them all play hide-and-seek. nobody knows how to find anything. the only consistent thing is that the beach will be the coolest-looking beach in the whole game. she named her island “lesbos” and accepts villagers that “pass the gay vibe check.” nobody is sure what the gay vibe check is 

kira bailey: is horrible at saving bells or getting a good rating on her island but she doesn’t care because her main focus is DIYing her own decor to make her island look like her aunts’ conservatory. as such, will only accept animals that could potentially live there, such as koalas or kangaroos. she’s bad at figuring out where to put houses and buildings so her island’s a mess to navigate, however she knows the routes like the back of her hand and gets confused when people ask her how the hell she finds anything. for some reason absolutely terrified of wisp and refuses to wander her island at night in case they show up 

[ms-interpretation]

Jeong Tae-eul’s and Lee Gon’s choice of each other (fate and future) (Part 1)

Reading @ambitious-witch‘s meta about Tae-eul, her character arc and Luna as Tae-eul’s narrative foil I wanted to add something about Tae-eul decision to fully commit to her relationship to Lee Gon and why I believe they do get married in the future. If you haven’t read her meta I would recommend it. Of course people are free to interpret the ending as they want, but seeing people being sad or feeling dissatisfied with the ending I wanted to write some meta on why I believe Lee Gon and Tae-eul are implied in the drama to be getting married eventually. There is honestly quite a lot of clues that they will. The probably best meta I’ve read on the subject is from another blog which outlines these hints and is linked at the end of this post. I have also at different points referred to this meta with a *-sign, since I bring up some of the points made in it. It’s great, I would highly recommend reading it. I wanted however to bring up and examine some additional hints and foreshadowing I found during my latest re-watch. 

There is an scene (and its scene change) which foreshadows Tae-eul’s eventual decision to choose Lee Gon and a life with him. This scene particularly shows us Tae-eul’s desire to do so. In episode 11 we have JTE processing her and LG’s relationship. She thinks back to him visiting her from the future with the flowers early in the episode. As @ambitious-witch​ wrote it is no coincidence that the original flower scene itself takes place almost directly after Jo Yeong asks her if she could handle being the Queen of Corea (episode 10). He suggests to her that it would mean traveling between the worlds and keeping quiet about the existence of the other world (I would say that the writer is here probably foreshadowing what their happy ever after will actually entail - why else suggest it so specifically?). So what happens later in episode 11 as she is to processing the flower ‘event’ and thinking about their relationship? She thinks back to their conversation by the field where this exchange takes place:

She remembers this lovely moment by the field, where LG proposed (again, after she teased him about it) and she replied “Not today” while explaining that they have no tomorrow. She seems content and happy in that moment but then the scene switches to her standing alone in the Republic and she sighs clearly discontent with their current situation. The scene reveals a contrast in her. It is cut as to imply that Jeong Tae-eul is not as content as she seems to be with her decision by the field. I would say that it implies that she is putting on a brave face and attitude in that scene. Which given that bravery and ‘skipping things’ (which here is her embracing a ‘long today’) are character traits of hers (as seen in episodes six & eight) makes a lot of sense. (I would recommend that people go re-watch theses scenes since it is a bit difficult to show in pictures the revealing changes in JTE’s expressions as acted brilliantly by KGE). Unconsciously she has probably already made the decision to choose Lee Gon, as implied in her inner monologue earlier (while reflecting on the flower event) which chronologically however takes place later (the monologue not the unconscious decision), but she is here consciously ‘feeling’ that her earlier response/decision is not enough for her. 

Jeong Tae-eul’s decision by the field and her saying, while smiling bravely, that they have no tomorrow and that she therefore hopes that the day will be long is directly tied to Tae-eul’s sense of foreboding that their relationship will be short (remember her confession in episode eight?). She fears, as Lee Gon later does (ep 12-13) that setting everything right will mean that the doors will close and that they will be separated (that their love will come to an end). This is the fear they bring up time and time again during the drama. This is part of why she doesn’t say yes here (the other being about where she is in her character arc). When she believes she’s about to lose him she chooses to go after him, rejecting her earlier decision to accept that they have no tomorrow. 

Edit: The screenshots above are not showing exactly how and when the cut plays out. The scene at the field is longer and ends with Lee Gon running after Jeong Tae-eul. It then cuts to JTE back in the Republic remembering: the effect is however the same as what I’ve described. It was simply easier to show it though screenshots in the way I’ve done above. 

When the shows ends, flashing back to their young and current selves as it does so, the last words of the drama are:

Jeong Tae-eul & Lee Gon: Just like that, we decided to love the fate that chose us. Just for today and only today. And forever.

Telling us that the conflict of the drama has been resolved. Jeong Tae-eul and Lee Gon do not have to worry anymore about their relationship ending because they are from different worlds. The addition of ‘forever’ tells us that they won’t have to be simply happy with an uncertain fate living only for today because they don’t have tomorrows. The drama ends happily, with them having tomorrows. They do however still commit to living for today because, as they explain, they want to love each other tirelessly i.e. being grateful and appreciative of each other every day no matter what the future might bring (this is almost word-for-word what they say). An understandable sentiment in light of all the hardships they went through to simply be together. 

The ‘fate’ that ‘chose them’ - is each other

I feel that some people interpret it as meaning the fate of living in different worlds but I politely disagree. I believe this is the resolution of the earlier discussions about fate during the drama. Lee Gon has this scene with Prince Buyeong where he asks for advice on how to resolve his and Tae-eul’s situation. Chronologically this scene takes place after the scene by the window where Jeong Tae-eul told him that he shouldn’t ask her to go with him (while asking how she could leave her world behind). He is here trying to work out how they can be together, because it is his duty to marry eventually. So Lee Gon asks Prince Buyeong if he should fight fate (which seemingly is against his and Tae-eul’s union - since they are from different worlds). The Prince replies, after Lee Gon first admits to him that there is somewhere he wants to go (i.e. a fate he wants to achieve - i.e. a life with Jeong Tae-eul):

Prince Buyeong: Then you just have to go there. You don’t need to fight. I hope there is a beautiful lady there. You should really get married this year.

What is Prince Buyeong actually saying? He is saying that 1) Lee Gon can build his own fate i.e. he doesn’t have to fight fate to go where he wants to go 2) He foreshadows that Fate/FluteKid (the character/deity) of the drama is actually not against them being together (foreshadowing how Fate/FluteKid allows them to keep their memories) and 3) Indicates for the audience that whom Lee Gon marries is important (that it is an aspect of his fate and future) and is something which needs to be resolved. This is further confirmed by Lee Gon’s replies. This plot point, Lee Gon’s duty to marry, is resolved by him managing to restore the Manpasikjeok to its true self (no more time freezes) and by Jeong Tae-eul finally deciding that she chooses Lee Gon in that incredible episode 15 scene. Tae-eul’s real reason for telling him not to ask her to live with him is because she is worried at that point that the doors will eventually close forever. Meaning that she would have to give up her world completely. When push comes to shove however she decides despite this fact to go after him. Her putting on the necklace he gave her shows us her choice of him as her fate and future. Prince Buyeong described facing your fate as going where you want to go and here we have Jeong Tae-eul quite literally going after Lee Gon. This is a quite “typical” heroic move in these kinds of stories, we do more commonly see it done by the male hero though which is why I was happy seeing it done by a female hero here. 

The drama ends with Lee Gon keeping his promise to Prince Buyeong (albeit in a heartbreaking way since the Prince is definitely still dead) by visiting him in the past with Tae-eul. Like he said he would when their situation had been resolved (which it has since they have chosen each other i.e. become each others’ fates). Honestly I believe that the scene of Lee Gon ‘introducing’ Jeong Tae-eul to him and the scene of Tae-eul saying she doesn’t want to leave (by the obelisks) after one of their weekends are both hints that they will eventually get married.

Prince Buyeong and Jeong Tae-eul: to reach your fate is to reach your ‘destination’

Later in episode 15 after returning to Tae-eul Lee Gon remarks that even though time changed they still ended up in the same place. What does he need to do to change things? This refers partly to resolving the conflict against Lee Lim, but they are definitely also talking about their relationship as evident by how Tae-eul responds:

Jeong Tae-eul: The larger the fate, the more you need to walk to reach your destination.

Her word choice references Prince Buyeong’s indicating a connection. What can the connection be? Well, as we see later in the episode she decides to embrace her fate: to go after Lee Gon (for the purpose of reaching him i.e. embracing him as her fate). Lee Gon decides before everything goes down during the last Night of Treason that he will, if he survives, find (reach) her and go to her i.e. choosing her as his fate. He spends a year trying to reach her before succeeding. *To fulfill his fate as King he also needed to go far (back in time) to finally resolve the conflict with Lee Lim (I believe this was first pointed out by the bitchesoverdrama blog I’ve linked to below). This was however what Fate (the character/deity) tasked him with. His fate with Jeong Tae-eul is different and is something he and Tae-eul choose and create together. Plainly put, Prince Buyeong affirms the notion that we can create our own fates. That Lee Gon can do so, and we know from their discussion and his response that it is about whom he eventually marries. Meaning that even though Jeong Tae-eul is from another universe he can still marry her and that he does not have to fight fate to do so (there will be no danger of imbalance). At the end of Tae-eul’s character arc she chooses a life with Lee Gon. They have both embraced (created) their fates which they did by choosing and reaching each other. Lady Noh in episode 16 even hints (interesting to note that everything she prays for comes true - I was not the first to notice this but I cannot find who was) that they will probably get married next year by mentioning the Ancient Shrine*. Remember how it was first brought up by Lee Gon when Jeong Tae-eul asked him about the talisman in his wallet in episode two? This writer does a lot of great foreshadowing. 

Below I discuss the second flower scene, more about how the drama describes fate as your chosen person and share links to the meta I’ve referenced and other meta I would recommend. 

+ If you need more ‘proof’ that the fate which choose them is each other I would refer you to Tae-eul’s confession scene in episode eight. Her word choices are no coincidence. As she is looking directly at Lee Gon who is walking towards her she ponders about fate, which ends with her deciding to tell him that she loves him. Her inner monologue states that she has decided to love the fate which chose her. This fate is Lee Gon (as implied by the close-ups on his face as we are seeing him from her perspective since she’s thinking about him). 

Jeong Tae-eul: It took me a long time to realize this. When it’s fate, there are no coincidences. Your fate is determined by the choices you make, but there are times when your fate chooses you. 

Jeong Tae-eul: Things that are bound to happen are taking place even at this moment. I was struck by the sad premonition that this will be short-lived, but I decided to love my fate that choose me.

We learn later in the drama that the reason Lee Gon grew up with that ID-badge is because he let his younger self take it. It was his choice (time is changeable in TKEM he didn’t have to leave it). And in her brilliant confession Tae-eul brings up how choice and fate intersects as she chooses to love him. Choosing him as her fate as he has already chosen her. If fate is determined by the choices you make what happens when someone chooses you as their fate? This is the question she ponders and Tae-eul decides that she chooses to love the fate that chose her. Later she embraces him as her fate fully, when she goes after him. Answering his underlying question during the drama: Could she chose a life with him/Marry him? The drama ends with them looking at each other as they state that they have decided to love the fate which chose them. 

The ‘second’ flower scene and the necklace (speculating more freely)

+ Remember the second flower scene and the necklace? Lee Gon asked her what flowers she likes (in episode 12) while telling her he will wear the suit on a glorious day while giving her flowers (foreshadowing a ‘proper’ wedding proposal). Tae-eul even chided him, somewhat jokingly, earlier for not dressing up for his earlier proposal. Jeong Tae-eul is terrified at this moment however because she fears that he will becomes the devastated and tragic figure of the episode 10 scene. So she tells him that she hates flowers and later states that she will wear his necklace on a glorious day (i.e. ”not today”). She is letting fear of what the future will bring interfere. Lee Gon notices that something is wrong, by how she acts and probably because Tae-eul hating flowers is not very believable in the light of her buying and planting the Kingdom flowers earlier. She overcomes her fear (choosing to be brave) and decides to go after him in episode 15 (putting on the necklace). So what happens in episode 16? She is wearing his necklace with the Kingdom insignia. After their reunion he brings forth his beautiful blue flowers and asks her, almost slightly scared (does he remind you of someone nervous about to propose or is that just me?), if she still hates flowers. He is scared that she will reject him. This because he doesn’t yet know about her going after him at the end of episode 15. Her response? Telling him that she actually loves them (i.e. that she would love a life with him i.e that she accepts his implied proposal). In the books this is explicitly a proposal from what I’ve been told (the subtext made text if you will). Why else would Lee Gon be worried after their reunion and after she has kissed him? This last paragraph is perhaps me speculating a bit more freely but I do believe I get the emotional core right. 

But what about Tae-eul removing her fingerprints from the product placement item in Lee Gon’s room? I hear you ask, because you are an observant and beautiful person ;). Honestly? Pretty sure that is a last-minute product placement scene thrown in because it was obligatory. It simply makes the point that the mask is of “royal” quality and common (available) in Tae-eul’s (=our) world. Slightly more seriously though at this point Lee Gon and Tae-eul are simply enjoying the present and dating, doing so without thinking about the future. I will say more on this in my next meta. Later in the CCTV-room we also have Lee Gon struggling/failing to remove the footage of him and Tae-eul, a line which hints that they will not be able to keep their secret forever. It is no coincidence that this scene and line comes directly after the aforementioned product placement scene. Lee Gon and Tae-eul might be chillin’, taking their time and not really even thinking about the future but Fate/FluteKid and Lady Noh is not having it (haha read the linked meta below for more on this).

Link to a brilliant meta explaining the Ancient Shrine, LG’s responsibility to produce an heir, how an interesting scene in episode four relates to all this and how Fate/FluteKid (I personally still believe the Kid is of the Manpasikjeok though) is interfering making sure that LG’s and JTE’s relationship will eventually result in marriage and in the next protector of the Manpasikjeok: https://bitchesoverdramas.com/2020/06/16/the-king-ep-16-the-happy-ending/

Another great meta, which I read after writing this, but would highly recommend. It has a great take on why Tae-eul is so adamant about the fact that she and Lee Gon should focus on the present. It brings up how it ties to her worry about the future: https://bebebisous33analyses.wordpress.com/2020/06/01/time-the-invisible-main-character-in-the-king-eternal-monarch/

In my next post I will address the question of imbalance, doppelgangers and why I believe the show ended as it did. I’m not looking to convince people who like the idea of an open ending I just want to show why I believe the drama hints at them eventually getting married.

[pinehurst]

My Take on the First 3 Episodes

Let’s talk about Fugou Keiji for a second because I’ve been dying to talk about it. 

After waiting practically 5 months, the long-awaited third episode finally aired. I remember back when Fugou Keiji was first announced the hype over Daisuke took over the internet. Good looking? Check. Rich? Check. Parted black hair? Check. Nonchalant? Sign me up. I also gave into the hype; heck, who wouldn’t? He’s practically the whole package; my dream man so to speak. The Jumin Han of another dimension.

Disclaimer: This discusses the only 3 episodes out at the moment and as new episodes come out I’ll most likely just create new posts so everything here isn’t really definite so to speak? My theories and beliefs are just based on the first 3 episodes so they may not be the most accurate thing out there.

Disclaimer #2: This is me just rambling on so things may not be in the best order so please bear with me (it’s mainly just my thoughts on how our 2 main characters have developed so far and any theories that I have)

Once the first episode aired, I was absolutely hooked on both the synopsis and the characters. Two detectives working together despite having completely different beliefs? Imagine the drama that would unfold! 

Haru Kato, our main detective, would put his life on the line in the name of justice, taking extreme measures to uphold his humanistic values. The first episode heavily emphasized this idea. He insisted he take part in the entire bomber mission even though he wasn’t apart of the First Division. Ranks mean nothing in the face of human lives. Once he and Daisuke, the richer half of the duo, closed in on the van bearing the bomb, without any hesitation he jumped onto the van only to warn the driver inside, who happened to be a thief. This seemingly innocent civilian’s life was in danger: they had no right to die from a terrorist attack. He knew well of the dangers as there was only a minute left until the bomb detonated, yet his morals took over. If nobody is going to save her, he must do it. Would he have still done this if he knew that the driver was a thief? We can’t be so sure yet.

Even in episode two Haru’s traditional values prevail as he continued to pursue Isezaki, the smuggler in question, despite being exhausted and practically lifeless. The first two episodes really painted Haru as this character who is willing to go to the extreme and literally kill himself for the sake of others. His work method basically revolves around these old-school techniques.

Kanbe Daisuke lies on the opposite side of the spectrum though. He is far more materialistic and uses his wealth to buy his way through every situation. In need of a car? Just buy it from the prince of the Abura Emirates. A tower is affiliated with a smuggler? Just buy the tower and do whatever you must. He marches to the beat of his own drum, refusing to cooperate with Haru and even ignores his complaints. Haru is very clearly repulsed by Daisuke’s ways as he views it as though he’s cheating at life. Using money instead of working hard? Pathetic. Daisuke, on the other hand, just doesn’t seem to understand Haru’s views. Why go through all that trouble when you could easily solve it through a few million bucks? He doesn’t necessarily value human lives in the same way that Haru does either. As seen in the first episode, he almost ran over a mother and her son if Haru hadn’t intervened. But Daisuke’s character is far more complex in my opinion.

This is where my theories come into play. I suspect that something happened in Daisuke’s past that caused him to lose trust in others or even respect for other humans if we could go to that extreme. The series began with Daisuke playing the piano while saying:

“I had a father, and I had a mother. I believe I had a happy childhood. However, ever since a certain day, everything had changed.” 

This led me to believe that maybe possibly his parents died from a tragic murder or anything that would cause him to lose sympathy or care for others. Or any type of sad backstory for that matter. Maybe this is why someone of his rank and wealth even decided to join the police/detective force in the first place rather than selfishly indulge in his wealth.

Anywho, the first episode really helped build my theory. This is especially notable at the end as Daisuke is driving the prince’s car up the bascule bridge to push the cleaning van with the bomb. He smirks that devilish smile that we all swooned over the first time we saw it as the van crept closer to the edge of the bridge. Once Haru jumps out of the car to save the “civilian” inside, Daisuke’s facial expression changes to a much more soft, almost confused expression. A few minutes later when Haru is hanging off of the bridge, Daisuke watches Haru helplessly hang. He’s the one who decided to help the civilian, now he’s suffering the consequences. Why help him? 

Episodes 1 and 2 really helped to establish the contrasting personalities and mindsets between Haru and Daisuke, which I really enjoyed. The fact that our two main characters are as different as night and day made the show much more comedic, which I absolutely enjoyed! The subtlety in the expressions too: stunning. *chef’s kiss*

The third episode elaborated on their personalities and really added a sort of “depth” to them. Oh boy was this episode chaotic and full of new information. This is the episode where we see their first step towards true partnership, Haru’s backstory, and even met grammy Kanbe. Let’s dive into it.

The episode started off with Daisuke, Haru, and Suzue visiting the Kikuko, or Daisuke’s grandmother. As of right now, it’s still unclear whether Suzue is Daisuke’s fiancé or sister, but either way she was in no way the focus of the episode. Daisuke seems much more submissive towards his grandmother, a side of him we’ve yet to see. This is even prominent in the opening song as Daisuke is seen smirking alongside the other members of the Modern Crime Prevention Task Force (MCPTF) yet he has a much more neutral face around his grandmother. Is it out of respect? Quite possibly. He is much more composed (even though he always has been) and compliant, furthering my case. Back to my theory, maybe his grandma raised him after his parents died and that’s where his respect grew from. The possibility is always there.

It’s also noticeable that Daisuke seems much more irritated towards Haru as in practically any screenshot from these first few scenes you could feel the pique radiate from him. Daisuke even gave Haru the stink eye a few times before Haru ratted him out to his grandmother (harsh). Whatever happened in Hong Kong must’ve been brutal, but it really helped throw a curveball in their relationship. 

After that bop of an opening, it’s revealed that Haru is sitting next to a student facing lots of difficulties early on ranging from his sister’s bad health to failing his college entrance exam. Haru very clearly sympathizes with this kid as he also failed his first college entrance exam, and heck who wouldn’t feel bad for a kid going through this much stress? Imagine the absolute grief Haru felt when he found out that it’s that same kid who held a woman at gunpoint later on. When calling Kamei later on, Haru shouted:

“No! Don’t tell him. Absolutely not.” 

Considering his relationship with his fellow peers, we can safely assume that he’s referring to Daisuke. At this point, we know that Haru doesn’t trust Daisuke at all. Like not even a sliver. That rich boy help him? No sir. No thank you. 

This scene also unveiled the tension between Haru and the First Division. Haru and Hoshino are clearly not on good terms as they speak formally to one another, almost as though they weren’t partners a few years back. A flashback plays soon after and its revealed that all went downhill when Haru misfired and ended up wounding one burglar and killing one innocent civilian (who held a gun at Haru most likely out of fear; I mean, who wouldn’t be scared in such a situation). This ultimately led to his demotion to the Third Division. Lots of drama. Lots of tears. This backstory revealed exactly why Haru is unable to shoot anymore: his past trauma is to blame. 

Haru still clearly cares for Hoshino though. When he and Daisuke listened in to the First Division’s call line, Haru practically prayed that the perp wouldn’t get shot, for both the sake of morals and for his friend. His “friend” is mentally incapable of shooting anyone and the perp just “isn’t a bad guy.” Haru is revealed to be an even greater advocate of morality and humanism than we previously thought. Even though this college student was hosting a stand-off, Haru refused to believe that he was any less human and hoped to find a way to prevent him from approaching death’s doorstep. So, to answer the question from earlier: yes, Haru would still save the thief if he was aware of it. He values human lives to the point that the First Division had the audacity to say that he “has no right to be a police officer.” 

Daisuke listened closely to Haru’s wishes and worked to make them come true. He worked to find a way to bring the perp down without any bloodshed and practically did anything to conform to Haru’s wishes, ranging from allowing him to use HEUSC to setting off smoke rockets to prevent the perp from getting shot by the police. When the First Division chief insists that Haru shoot the perp, Haru is clearly hesitant. What if things go wrong again? No, why should he shoot him when he wants him to live? Should he just throw away his morals in the midst of panic? Haru is shown to try to reason with the perp and just couldn’t bring himself to shoot him. Maybe there will be some development in the future? Who knows. 

Daisuke later on bribes the perp by stressing he’ll pay for his sister’s surgery in order to resolve the actual reason he decided to host the stand-off in the first place. Daisuke obviously did it for the mission and maybe he didn’t feel remorse whatsoever (heck who can tell what Daisuke is thinking) but I have a feeling that as the series progresses Daisuke will start to do these acts of kindness not only for the case but also out of authenticity. The perp seems intimidated (possibly by Daisuke’s lifeless expressions) and gives in and the day is saved! The third episode formally wraps up with another unforgettable bop. 

The takeaway from the entire episode is that Daisuke started cooperating with Haru and even allowed him to use HEUSC. Was this because he had a change in mindset? Or was he just following his grandmother’s wishes? Personally, I believe it’s both but leaning towards the latter. Daisuke, as mentioned before, has a different kind of respect for his grandmother and would submit to her wishes. Since she said “don’t trouble your coworkers,” he decided to work with Haru rather than just alongside him. She also insisted that Haru help coach Daisuke, so once again, he’s following her orders. However, I do believe that Daisuke is rather curious about Haru’s lifestyle. They are quite different as a matter of fact. He wanted to understand how Haru could easily put his life on the line for other people and maybe even wanted to change himself. That’s unlikely considering it’s only the third episode, but that possibility is still there. 

But I strongly believe that Daisuke had a change in mindset, even if it may be small. He jeopardized his life and walked towards the perpetrator only because he trusted Haru’s words: “He isn’t the type of guy to kill.” Maybe Daisuke did this only to follow his grandmother’s wishes. Maybe he did this out of sheer trust. Maybe he did this to try to better his relationship with Haru (the chances are, yet again, a bit low). Nonetheless, he still put his life at risk and this was one small step in their partnership (and one giant leap for fangirl-kind). That’s not to say that their relationship isn’t still iffy. Whenever Haru starts to speak in the car, Daisuke just puts the pedal to the metal and drives off into the distance.

Personally, I enjoyed this shift in character in Daisuke in the third episode. I've seen many comments regarding how it's sudden that his character changed, but I felt as though it made sense (as explained above). I see where they're coming from as we were robbed from the Hong Kong trip, and it’s evident that something happened in Hong Kong that caused a shift in their characters; however, I felt as though the third episode put emphasis on the fact that Daisuke is changing whether it be by his free will or his grandmother’s, or both. 

In conclusion: I cry over pretty boys so much to the point that I wrote an entire review on them.

EDIT: So it’s been confirmed that we’re going to learn about what happened in Hong Kong in a drama CD. All I can say is yes

[mothsandbutterflies13]

Musings on Shadow and Bone Pt 1

Disclaimer: this is some VERY surface-level thoughts and musings on what I was able to see, what I've gleaned from reading the already-prolific selection that is the Shadow and Bone fanfiction writings, and my own experiences with YA fantasy and YA character archetypes. I haven't read the books and I don't know if I will because, APPARENTLY, DARKLINA ISN'T ENDGAME! As for the TV series, I've only watched the first two episodes in full. I jumped around the rest of the season and I've never seen the ending. Though, knowing what I do from the few spoiler screenshots I've seen, I don't think I'll ever watch the ending.

Story Narrative and World-building: So, for the uninitiated, Shadow and Bone is set in a fantasy/steampunk world based on several different regions of the world in different time periods. Ravka is based on Tsarist Russia in the early 19th century. Kerch is based on the Dutch Republic in the same time period. Shu Han is an amalgamation of Imperial China and Mongolia (probably during the Yuan dynasty). And Fjerda is based on Scandinavia. (Noyvi Zem is said to be based on the US, Australia, and some other places, but as the Netflix series didn't touch on it, neither am I.) Between the three mainland countries - Ravka, Shu Han, and Fjerda - there has been an ongoing war for an undetermined amount of time. Ravka is also facing a growing threat of secession in the west because of the Fold that has been separating the west from the east for five centuries now. In the middle of all this, we meet our female protagonist, Alina Starkov, and her childhood best friend, Malyen Oretsev, who are soldiers in the First Ravkan Army. While crossing the Fold on assignment, Alina discovers that she is the legendary Sun Summoner, the only hope to tear down the Fold. She now needs to cultivate her powers in the political cesspool that is Os Alta and the court of the Tsar, all the while trying to figure out her feelings for General Kirigan of the Second Army and if Mal really is just a childhood best friend. Meanwhile, in Ketterdam, it seems that someone is willing to pay a million kruge for the Sun Summoner to be kidnapped then transported back to Ketterdam. Kaz Brekker and his gang, the Crows, seize on the huge payout (each for their own reasons) and cross the Fold with the help of a smuggler. So, that's a very basic rundown of the first two episodes of the first season. Now, I get to dig into my favorite part; dissection and analysis! First, there seemed to be a lot of details pertinent to the plot that were either only mentioned or never touched upon. Like, Kaz is shown to be desperate for this payout, but other than natural human greed for more money, I can't think of why he'd want to risk crossing the Fold to grab someone that may not be alive. But, from what I saw of Kaz, this seemed to be more than just another job to him. There was something more to his motivation but we were never told what. Or how the Fold is never really explained until the General takes Alina out on a horse riding date. Long after she's found out to be the Sun Summoner. However, the Fold in itself is a catalyst to a lot of events, both past and present, so it doesn't make sense that it would take this long for such an important landmark to be explained to the audience. No matter that the in-world characters would know this fact, we as the audience don't know. Also, we never learn WHY Ravka is in a never-ending war with Fjerda and Shu Han. Theoretically, I could come up with half a dozen reasons for WHY but I'd like some clarification, ya know? The irrationality of humans, a religious war (looking at you, Fjerda), gluttony for knowledge, propaganda, fear of the unknown, etc. Any one of these could be a reason for how the war started (or it could be a twisted version of the truth), but we're not told or shown. We're just expected to believe there's this great big war that affects everyone in Ravka. That's a HUGE suspension of disbelief for me. Also, I read on the wiki that Shu Han and Fjerden tech are equal to - and in some cases greater - than Ravkan tech. Ergo, why the fuck is this war still going on!? If two out of the three warring countries can essentially just technologically smash their way through the remaining country's army, why does Shadow and Bone exist? I want to know why this war still exists. I want to know the reasoning behind the secessionists. I want to know what religion Inej subscribes to. Who are the Saints Alina keeps referring to in her frequent exclamations? The infamous pickled herring I've read about? The war and the toll it takes on the people. I want to see this war hit close to home for, not just Alina, but also the rest of the cast. I

know Alina was orphaned by a Shu Han raid when she was a child, but that can't have been the only raid. Just because permafrost and some mountains separate Fjerda and Ravka doesn't mean that those druskelle or even the Fjerdan army will take a break. The goddamned Fire Nation was a group of islands far removed from the mainland, yet still managed to build a navy on a scale never before seen and attacked the other three nations resulting in a century-long war. As far as Shadow and Bone canon goes, these wars have been practically non-stop for waaaaay longer than that and you're telling me neither Fjerda nor Shu Han have figured out how to launch a full-scale attack against Ravka? And if they haven't or held back for some reason, then please enlighten me (really, I unironically want to know) (And don't tell me to go read the books). Because from where I'm sitting, that Lantsov dynasty is looking mighty weak and corrupt. A few well-placed words and that entire house of cards would crumble. And with such a weak tsar and enemies closing in from all sides, why doesn't Aleksander unleash his full potential? I'm not saying create another Fold, but isn't he supposed to be the most powerful grisha in all of Ravka? What are the politics at court? What's preventing Aleksander from taking that final step? Are there possible allies among the courtiers who would be sympathetic to the Grisha plight? Who also agrees that the current Tsar is weak, corrupt, and draining the treasury? I want to know if there was ever another way for Aleksander to achieve his goals without resorting to violence and bloodshed. I want to know what else Alina can do with her powers, barring balls of light and one shield. What's Kaz's motivation for accepting the job? Are Ivan and Fedyor ever going to get together!? So many questions but no answers.

Something a bit nitpicky, but why are these characters all speaking with British accents!? (Don't @ me with Nina and Matthias cuz I skipped over their scenes) (They weren't Darklina, ok!?) The ONLY character to speak with a BELIEVABLE Slavic accent was Fedyor and that's only because the actor was from a Slavic-speaking country. Everyone else, from Alina down to the soldiers in the First Army, all speak with a British accent. I thought Ravka was based on Tsarist Russia. Where's my Russian then? Or at least Russian accents? I thought TV shows were supposed to be immersive. What the fuck is this then? (Game of Thrones got away with it because it was mainly set in a world similar to our own, but vastly different in terms of culture and religion. It even made up two languages to make it more immersive. Shadow and Bone doesn't necessarily have to do that because it's so similar to real-life Russia that all it had to do to score immersive points was have the actors speak in believable Russian accents.)

I will post part two later. Again, this is literally all just my opinion and my thoughts on the show. I don't mind friendly discourse and debate but I won't be merciful to trolls.

[raat-jaaga-paakhi]

(D)Evolution of Rukmini-Harana

This I wrote while brainstorming in the beginning of this month to centre my brain on what we know of Rukmini, so I could write her with (dis)regard to the texts. And what I found out in my Ruk-foray, was simultaneously intriguing and repelling. Tagging my Mahabharata people, if you want to go on Rukmini’s journey through the scriptures and the later kavyas (ancient fanfiction, guys) and don’t mind my snarky commentary in between as I try to be as analytical as possible (Warning: Strong Opinions and Wtf Moments!) – @avani008 @parlegee @incurablescribbler @shaonharryandpannisim @ambitiousandcunning​ @glyphenthusiast​ @mayavanavihariniharini @allegoriesinmediasres @walburgablack​ @jigyask​ @heyifinallyhaveablog @1nsaankahanhai-bkr from the top of my head. Under the cut, for this is detailed. 

Mahabharata

Rukmini-Haran legend is outlined in several places: that Sabha scene we all seem to love unanimously, Krishna-Draupadi in exile, Arjuna describing Krishna’s feats, and in Udyoga parva when Rukmi comes to help in the war. Other times, she is mentioned as mother of Pradyumna (in fact, Pradyumna’s name is mostly replaced by “son of Rukmini”). Only details being: Rukmini was meant to be Shishupala’s, Krishna came, abducted her, fought off Rukmi who had taken an oath to not return without killing him, Rukmi builds Bhojakata due to his defeat. Rukmi is mentioned a few times to have learned battlecraft from a kimpurusha Druma (whose name is often written as Drona, eliciting confusion between Dronacharya of Hastinapur), from whom he gets Indra’s bow which is said to be equal to Gandiva and Sharnga.

- BORI CE Mbh, Translated by B. Debroy.

He comes with an akshauini to Pandavas’ camp where he is welcomed warmly enough, until he opens his big mouth and says, “Dudes, if you all are afraid of the Kauravas, I can help!” Insert big, smug smile. Krishna is present, but silent. Arjuna speaks, reminding Rukmi that he sought no help from anyone at multiple times (he goes harcore here *grins*), and wouldn’t need the same now, esp. from one like him. Disappointed Rukmi goes to Duryodhana’s camp where he’s rejected for, er, being the Pandavas’ reject and for his big mouth. Yeah. He, like Balarama, remains neutral. (Interesting that it’s Balarama who kills him, later.)

- BORI CE Mbh, Trans. By B. Debroy

There is no letter, no mention of a swayamvara, no love, nothing, sticking to Mahabharata’s rather dry style, which if stripped of its mystical elements would be a cold, clean historical narrative.

Apology: I am not giving any more screenshots (except for Bhaagavat, because it has some rather nice parts), for this would become…far too long to handle for even me. I promise you can take my word for it. 

Harivamsa

Considered an “appendix” (khila) to Mahabharata, it contains the legend of Rukmini in the greatest of details. @parlegee​ would love to hear that her fic kalyanakirti, where Rukmini and Krishna have an early meeting before the letter and all, does have some solid basis. The legend in narrated in two separate parts: swayamvara and harana. Sadly, the first part doesn’t get into the BORI CE Harivamsa, but that is made understandable by Dr. Bibek Debroy, who comments the Harivamsa editing is indiscriminate and lacking in quality w.r.t. cutting down events, as compared to the precise and thoughtful editing of Mahabharata proper, at the very beginning of his translation. Thus, the omission, I guess. I am giving a rundown for this is what we will refer back to as we compare the later versions. (For reference, go to Mahabharata Resources online.) 

Swayamvara part – 

Rukmi arranges for Rukmini’s swayamvara, calling his boys and excluding Krishna (ofc), of which Krishna gets wind and arrives in class with Garuda. He is welcomed—notedly not by the king, as opposed to rules of hospitality—by his relative/father Kaisika, outside of the capital of Vidarbh in Kaisika’s own city.

Quite strangely, Kaisika and his brother Kratha offer Krishna their city; there is even some messenger fanfare with Indra.

Comment: This seems like something of an interpolation to me (it’s politically and intellectually stupid okay – why would krishna need to abduct rukmini with such pains if a part of vidarbha was already his. he could have been more politically subtle and all. it’s just horrible statesmanship­), and part of the avatar-vaad or “make Krishna a god so that we can cloak his philosophies and ideas with the veil of god’s incomprehensible lilas so that no one can hope to emulate him and his decidedly non-brahmanical approach, and so they wait for his next appearance while the world burns” propaganda. Shut up, Medha, you’re going to be killed for this. Nah, brain, I will speak my truth.

Meanwhile, Jarasandha and his cronies come to know of Krishna’s arrival, get “afraid” and there is this huge-ass, strange, contradictory conversation. Jarasandha and Sunitha (read: shishupala. yeah, boi had this other, nicer name) are primarily of the view that Krishna is gonna fight them, while Dantavakra (hm, isn’t he another of krishna’s cousins?) opposes that. Shalva and the others also expressed their ideas. The exact point of this conversation is highly inscrutable because, (not) strangely, the conversation is shrouded by them praising and glorifying their arch-enemy as the “lord of the universe” and what-not. (wut? why do you all constantly fight him if you know “who he truly is” and so on? are you masochists, guys – i am seriously concerned. your opponent is apparently vishnu yet you go on fighting him knowing you’re gonna be defeated. what’s the point? medha, stfu) I mean, a professional, grudging admiration for a fellow warrior is fine, good even, but what’s this BS?

The next part is even more laughable, which I didn’t think was possible. They hear of Krishna’s “coronation” and except Rukmi, everyone attends it, even Jarasandha. Huh? Jarasandha who laughed in Krishna’s face in Mbh, called him a coward cowherd (love alliteration) outright so many times in both Mbh and HV . . . I don’t understand any of this. Is it fear for the one person you cannot seem to properly defeat? Are you trying to keep peace, because that’s ridiculous when you have gone on offence so many times. Is it that you are “honoured” to be part of such an important moment in your arch-enemy, who also happens to be “Vishnu’s poorna avatar”?

Then comes a truly interesting part – Bhishmaka and Krishna have a talk. Bhishmaka thinks it’s better to offer Rukmini to Krishna outright and that swayamvara is a stupid thing – whether it is this particular one Rukmi has arranged, or swayamvaras in general, is kinda unclear. For the sake of Bhishmaka, I will go with the first. He apologises to Krishna for not inviting him to the swaymvara for he is helpless against his ignorant son (I guess the ignorance relates to “the true form of Lord Krishna” here) and…hm, this is both exciting and…controversial? Krishna rebukes Bhishmaka quite strongly about letting Rukmi treat him as a doormat and what-not and I would be heart-eyes for he’s technically defending Rukmini in some weird, chauvinistic manner, but . . . is he? His tone is rather peculiar, if you read it. He ends his little tirade with saying that Rukmini is Lakshmi reborn and as such, meant only for him, and technically demands to dismiss the swayamvara. And then, he just…leaves with Garuda. Form your headcanons, guys. This is just too weird.

Bhishmaka is sweet-and-obedient little devotee now and does as he is told. Interestingly, this is before the formation of Dwaraka, for it is here, after the Rukmini’s swayamvara is postponed that Jarasandh and his cronies hatch the plot to use the foreigner Kalyavana to kill Krishna. (just now you attended the boy’s coronation ceremony, usually attended by allies and friends, and praised him as lord of all…make up your minds, guys)

Also, it is here that Rukmini makes up her mind to marry Krishna. Hm, a little meeting, particularly the one you wrote, Maya Di, is extremely likely!

Harana part –

After Kalyavana’s death, Jarasandha’s failure and Dwaraka’s formation, Jarasandha decides to have Rukmini married to Shishupala, just like that. Here is also said that Rukmi had gained celestial weaponry and the Brahmastra (woah!) from Druma and Parasurama respectively. Hm, looks like he was quite the excellent warrior. It isn’t specified if Parashurama only gave him the celestial weapons or taught him as well like he did with Karna – both are different things. But hey, why do people keep going to Parasurama specifically for Brahmastra? I feel bad for the big guy. [Also, here comes this strange issue, Parasurama is, by Karna’s words as well as popular perception, supposed to not hold any sort of guru-ness towards Kshatriyas, which is why the latter had to lie in order to learn from him, considering Suta is an inferior division of the main Kshatriya varna. But that’s topic for another day, Medha.]

Okay, so it is mentioned that Rukmini and Krishna both longed for Krishna, and though there’s no dialogue, it appears that Rukmi knew of this, for the text goes on to say why Rukmi won’t accept this marriage – his enmity with Krishna due to the latter killing his friend Kamsa who also happened to be son-in-law of beloved Jarasandha etc. The text says that with Jarasandha and Shishupala, also came the allied kings Dantavakra, Paundraka, and the kings of Anga and Vanga. [This…is markedly curious. Surely by this time in the epic, Karna was crowned Angaraja? For it not to be so, Krishna would have to be much, much older than the Pandavas, chronologically speaking, which is the headcanon of a popular modern writer Ashok K. Banker. But Yudhisthir and Bhima are considered Krishna’s elders many times in Mbh. There is also this strange friend/frenemy-ship between Karna and Jarasandha as they have a kind of stalemate in a fight and Jarasandha, pleased, offers Karna a city in Anga, Malinipuri, if I remember right. Does it mean that not all of Anga was under Hastinapur’s influence? Again, Medha, to dissect another day.]

Now, “to please their aunt” (Shishupala’s mother Shrutashrava), Krishna comes with Balarama and other Vrishni heroes, all welcomed by Kaisika and Kratha. Upon seeing Rukmini in her journey to pay obeisances to Goddess Indrani, Krishna, er, cannot control himself and decides to abduct her, in consultation with Balarama and others. To note that (i) even though the text expresses both their desires to be with each other, it seems like an impromptu decision to abduct Rukmini, almost as if in lust (at least, that’s what the text makes it sound like); (ii) there’s none of that “coming alone in a hurry after getting her letter” event, as per Harivamsa. He comes quite prepared, and even consults with the other Kshatriyas before going for it.

You know the drill now: Krishna abducts Rukmini as she finishes her prayers and Balarama defeats all the guards. Krishna then puts the responsibility of the war on Yadava heroes like Balarama, Satyaki, Kritavarma, Gada, Prasena (is this that same Prasena of Syamantaka incident?) etc. and sets out for Dwaraka with Rukmini. At all this, Jarasandha and his cronies Shishupala, Dantavaktra, Paundraka, kings of Anga (again!), Vanga, Kalinga and others decide to kill Krishna in a joint attack. There are small descriptions of these following duels – Satyaki vs Jarasandha, Akrura vs Dantavakra, Viprthu vs Shishupala. Shishupala, after being attacked by Atidanta, Gavesana and Brhaddurga (who are these people, gosh) kills Virpthu’s horses and beheads Brhaddurga. Balarama kills the king of Vanga and then attacks Jarasandha. All this results in the defeat of Jarasandha and his cronies.

Hearing this, Rukmi vows before Bhishmaka and if he can’t kill Krishna and bring Rukmini back, he won’t return to the capital Kundina. Note that the next part of his vow, bringing Rukmini back, isn’t mentioned in Mbh proper. He leaves, accompanied by Kratha (that devoted guy?), Amsuman, Srutarva, Venudari and Bhishmaka’s other unnamed sons.

Rukmi sees Krishna-Rukmini standing on the banks of Narmada (aw, what are these two love-birds doing on a riverbank, that’s so romantic… Medha, stop). [Also, as I argued with someone on Quora, had it been a forcible abduction, without Rukmini’s consent in any way whatsoever, considering the letter is not in HV, they wouldn’t be standing there on a riverbank, resting and doing hell-knows-what. It’s a logical fallacy, sorry.]  

Seeing them together, he gets even more pissed and wants to kill Krishna in a dwairatha (dual chariot) fight. Cool stuff. Both archers fight. Krishna kills his charioteer and cuts off his chariot-banner. [What’s the thing with this? Why even bother? If you are making a statement then stop, we know who’s gonna win. Even if you didn’t win the fight, the texts would still claim you the winner. Medha, stop, you are supposed to love the man. Yes, the man, not the god men have created as a horrible substitute for the real thing. Why am I saying this now? This is a very normal archery feat if we see Mahabharata’s war parvas.] He defeats all the Vidarbhan warriors and kills many. Rukmi is not a doormat. He retaliates, cutting off Krishna’s banner as well (the garuda one! wow, boi), hurts both Krishna and his charioteer with his arrows. [Aw, and people say Arjuna only won his duels because of Krishna being his charioteer. Dude, look at this. I mean, these people straight out claim him to be God Incarnate and yet, they can’t completely smoothly modify a fight scene to suit their purposes – how sweet. Stfu, Medha.] Krishna then cuts Rukmi’s bow. [The Vijaya one? Surely Rukmi is not fighting such a serious fight without it. If so, wow. You just cut Indra’s prized bow – you really have a strong issue with the guy, don’t ya? Yeah, I feel you.]

Rukmi picks up another (here’s to perseverance), which Krishna again cuts off and crushes Rukmi’s chariot. Now Rukmi rushes at Krishna with a sword (gotta give, guy’s relentless) which Krishna cuts off and uses a sharp weapon called naracha on him which hurts him enough to render him senseless. The remaining soldiers run away. Rukmini’s pity aroused, she pleads for Krishna to spare her brother. Krishna lifts her up and reasures her (awww *waves shipping flag, completely ignoring the falling at his feet part*), then assures poor Rukmi of his safety (who seems to have woken up from his swoon by now, poor boy must have been so tired…why am I feeling so bad for Rukmi? I hate the guy! Btw, I can so imagine Krishna being cheeky here). He returns to Dwaraka with Rukmini, accompanied by Balarama and other Yadavas and his wedding his celebrated there.

There are no later versions of the legend in other texts that tally with the first part (swayamvara) seen in Harivamsa. There’s no love letter, no shaving hair-and-moustache. Let me tell you guys here only, for I don’t want to repeat this, there is no Madhavpur Ghed in the texts I have encountered (and they’re quite a bunch, as you’ll see).

Note: The evolution or composition of Mahabharata and Harivamsa are considered by old and modern scholars alike to have gone parallely, so the insertions of Rukmi’s details, his guru Druma, his bow Vijaya, etc. which seem to exactly match Harivamsa, may have been addded after that part of Harivamsa was written.

Vishnu Purana (about 300 BC-450 CE)

Rukmini-harana is narrated very shortly here, whereas in Harivamsa, it takes up a few chapters, being one of the most prominent parts of the text, as compared to Krishna’s marriage to his other wives. The entire swayamvara part, from Krishna’s “coronation” to the postponement of the swayamvara is missing here. From the harana part as well, Rukmi and his celestial weaponry, worship of Indrani, consultation with Balarama and other Yadavas before abduction, seeing Rukmini-Krishna along Narmada, details of the fights, aren’t present. Again, no love letter (though, even this extremely short version of a few mere verses speaks of Krishna and Rukmini’s mutual love), no shaving. However, it doesn’t deviate from the “original” in Harivamsa as well; it only clips away the details as if deeming them unnecesary in the larger context.

Matsya Purana (about 200-500 CE) mentions her among the Ashtabharya, here listed as – Rukmini, Satyabhama, Satya, Nagnajiti, Gandhari, Subhima, Shaivya, Lakshmana. [argh, we’ll talk about this later. just know for one that this is clearly not a very…right list, and not only in popular perception. jambavati isn’t mentioned; satya, nagnajiti, gandhari and lakshmana are having an identity crisis amongst themselves. basically, the text(s) is (are) only sure about rukmini and satyabhama. pardonable, for they happen to be krishna’s most famous wives. i feel so bad.]

Bhaagavat Purana (about 500-1000 CE)

Oh, yeah, this one is interesting. Unlike Vishnu Purana, Bhaagavat is all about the details. (reminds me of amitabh sir in badla every time i say this word.) There are omissions as well, for Rukmi and his celestial weaponry, Bhishmaka’s lineage, etc. are not mentioned. Let me go by points of difference only, since the main story has been explained in Harivamsa.

We get to hear the names of Rukmi’s younger brothers, only mentioned in HV – Rukmaratha, Rukmavahu, Rukmakesa, Rukmamali. We come to know Rukmini heard of Krishna from bards and decided he would be her perfect match. (Despite Bhaagavat’s devotional fervour that distracts from the main events, I love its version so much better in so many places.) Similarly, hearing of Rukmini’s knowledge and beauty, our boy pines for her. The relatives shipped Rukmini/Krishna as well, but only Rukmi seems to be against it, who arranges her marriage to Shishu. Learning of this, Rukmini sends a faithful old brahmin to Dwaraka with her message, who is received respectfully by Krishna. In her message, she…well, makes me fangirl. Interspersed between what seems to be fanatically devotional love for her “lord”, Rukmini calmly devises a straight and firm plan for him to follow, from the going to the temple of Girija (not Indrani, here) and the Rakshasa vivaha, telling him “not to worry” and all, and also adds a little…threat, in the end, that if he doesn’t do so, she will give up her life by fasting. Neat.

- Srimad Bhaagavat Purana

Krishna, “in love and excitement”, says that he too has been spending sleepless nights pining for Rukmini. Aw.

- Srimad Bhaagavat Purana

Added this to say, here’s the implicit metaphor of Jarasandha and his cronies being the kindling and Rukmini the diew generated by churning them. (Why am I thinking of Samudra-manthan?)

Here, Krishna doesn’t bring Balarama or any other Yadava hero with him, straight going to Kundina on his chariot with his charioteer Daruka and the brahmin, and apparently reaches within one night (which is realistically impossible, except if he had something like Pushpaka, which is not so here). There’s lot of description of pre-wedding things, where the only thing striking me is the phrase “Rukmini with fine teeth”. (I can just imagine her baring her teeth at Rukmi’s back, uff.) As Shishu sets out from Chedi with Jarasandha and his cronies who have developed a “stratagem” to kill Krishna, Balarama comes to know of the plot and sets out after Krishna with the Yadava heroes, moved by his affection for his bro. Exasperated elder brother, here he is.

A despairing Rukmini is informed by the brahmin of Krishna’s arrival in Kundina, she thanks him. Bhishmaka comes to know of Krishna and Balarama’s arrival, whereas in Harivamsa, it was Kaisika who welcomed them. There’s also this huge gathering of Vidarbhans to see Krishna and they decide that only he is fit for their princess. That’s so sweet. After worshipping Goddes Ambika/Girija, asking for Krishna to be her husband, Rukmini returns very slowly from the temple, her beauty so bewitching that a few kings “fall down from their horses, elephants, chariots”. Omfg! Lol. Krishna abducts her in presence of all those kings, who rebuke themselves and shower arrows upon Krishna, seeing which Rukmini laments in fear. Krishna consoles her, the Yadavas march against the kings; Jarasandha, Shishu and their friends have to flee to save their lives. No details are given, as compared to HV. Here, is a very interesting segment, where Shishu laments about having “lost” Rukmini and Jarasandha consoles him in a strangely fatalistic manner:

- Srimad Bhaagavat Purana

Comment: Jara actually doesn’t sound insane or just fatalistic here, imo. He sounds...manipulative af. Don’t think that was the intent of the writers (more likely it was just to forwards the idea of fate and futility as opposed to true action), but that’s what it sounds like to me. Worthy opponent for Krishna, if you ask me.

Now, there’s that drill with Rukmi and his vow, except here, he’s said to have taken an akshauhini of men. When he sees Krishna-Rukmini (no Narmada river here), he verbally insults Krishna unlike prev. versions and then attacks him.

- Srimad Bhaagavat Purana

(Even the abuse here is mild, compared to Mahabharata. I mean, think of the dice game, the Shishupala-vadha parva and so on! But still, Bhaagavat retains class, even as it propounds avatar-vaad, fatalism and fervent devotion.)

The description of battle here is more intense and long-drawn (compared to the main Yadava battle fought against Jarasandha and his cronies), with Krishna cutting down Rukmi’s banner, and then breaking three of his bows. Rukmi uses various kinds of weapons on Krishna – Parigha, Pattisa, Tomara, Camra, Shula, Asi, Shakti, etc. but Krishna remains steadfast in his defence. Rukmi then picks up a sword and rushes at Krishna; there’s no mention of Krishna having killed his charioteer and crushed his chariot. Krishna descends to thebsword-fight and brandishing his own, breaks Rukmi’s sword too. Now you know the drill, falling at his feet and all, our Rukmini. (Don’t roll your eyes, Medha.) Now...it’s in Bhaagavat we see the disfiguring first, Krishna deciding to give him some sort of light punishment, shaving off his moustache, beard and hair unevenly.

There’s another alteration here, that Balarama comes to see this and rebukes Krishna for humiliating a relative. Rukmini is apparently inconsolable and he offers Rukmini a patronising (if sensible philosophically in many places) discourse, starting with a more political note of “the conduct of Kshatriyas is hard and merciless where brother kills brother” and continuing with a lengthy philosophical lecture of the body and the soul, as in in tune with Mahabharata’s Gita, to a marginal extent. Rukmini attempts to calm down, and they return to Dwaraka. The marriage is well-described, with the addition of kings with intimate relations invited – from Kuru, Srinjaya, Kekeya, Kunti races and Vidarbh as well! Hm. Interesting. As is the inconsolable Rukmini, described earlier, which finds no mention in earlier (or a few later versions). Is it so hard to imagine a “difficult woman”, in Nikita Gill’s terms? Does she have to be a wilting flower, even though it breaks off from her prev. characterisation? I mean, she can sure be miffed at it, but for her to be so disconsolate that Balarama out of all people has to offer a huge-ass philosophical advice. Sigh. Basically, Bhaagavat more or less presents it attractively by way of supplying more materials to the story (the greatest and most landmark being Rukmini’s letter), even while it ignores some other details (like Narmada).

Brahmanda Purana (about 400-600 CE) doesn’t delineate the main legend, but Rukmini, the princess of Vidarbha, is mentioned as Krishna’s principal wife, along with the names of their sons and daughter.

Padma Purana (about 400-1600 CE)

Points of difference:

Brothers’ names apart from Rukmi not mentioned.

To fulfil her desire to marry her “lord”, Rukmini worships the gods from childhood itself and keeps sacred vows. Hm, yeah, go ahead.

Here, her brahmin is called the son of a purohita who is received by both Krishna and Balarama. Rukmini’s words in her message are not there anymore (a format which will be followed by every later version except the kavyas) as opposed to the beautiful plan in Bhaagavat and, they both set out for Kundina. No army of Yadava heroes accompany them.

Rukmini goes to the temple by her chariot rather than by foot, at evening, none of which is mentioned in prev. versions. After the abduction, it is Balarama who singlehandedly routs all the kings headed by Jarasandha, using his plough (Langala) and Musala (…the same weapon they use in the fratricidal war of Mausala parva, incidently; so it has some other source than that “curse” where Samva delivers this “new weapon” called musala).

There’s no mention of Rukmi’s vow.

When Rukmi attacks Krishna, he laughs and defends himself with his bow Saranga, a bow presented by Indra. Keeping with both HV and Bhaagavat, dear Krishna obligingly cuts of Rukmi’s bow, his banner, his charioteer’s head and crushes the chariot. There’s Rukmi with his sword, and Krishna with a sharp knife.

Interestingly, there’s no objection or plea or falling at his feet from Rukmini, but Krishna still doesn’t kill him, letting him go by his own free will. That doesn’t stop him from laughing and shaving the hair on his head, though. The beard and moustache are forgiven.

Despite not having taken the vow, apparently the humiliation is enough for Rukmi to built Bhojkata in Vidarbh outside of Kundina, keeping with all prev. versions.

No Madhavpur again. What’s interesting here, is that Nanda and Yashoda and other cowherds are present in the wedding in Dwaraka, unlike popular perception which says Krishna never met his adoptive parents after having left Vrindavana.

Skanda Purana (about 600-1200 CE)

It is narrated to Yudhisthir by Markandeya about the significance of some Rukmini teertha. Points of difference:

Rukmini’s mother is mentioned to be “Mahadevi”. This could also be a title, since queens were also addressed thus. Rukmini is said to be her second child, younger to Rukmi and elder to the other brothers, whose names aren’t mentioned.

At her birth, there is this prophecy about her marriage to this four-armed divine person by a bodiless voice, kinda like Kamsa’s akashvani. Sure, go on. Marry her to Krishna right as she’s born, why don’t you? It’s destiny after all. Can I add that the previous love affair between Rukmini and Krishna is also not mentioned. 

Damaghosha, king of Chedi and Shishupala’s father goes to Bhishmaka with a marriage proposal, more in accordance with a marriage as we see it now as compared to the prev. versions (where Jarasandha and Rukmi are instrumental), as also the prevalent nature of marriage of those days w.r.t. Mahabharata.

These two develop attraction to each other just prior to the abduction, in the vein of Harivamsa, but Harivamsa does speak of mutual pining long before the abduction. 

The brahmin messenger, the role or even the name of Jarasandha, Rukmi’s fierce vow – nothing finds mention.

Unlike prev. versions, Krishna and Balarama are invited by Bhishmaka to Rukmini’s marriage. No other Yadava hero is mentioned to have accompanied, similar to Padma Purana.

It brings back the river Narmada, where Rukmini and Krishna were resting and Rukmi stumbled upon them, which is only found farther back in Harivamsa.

Now, the battle with Rukmi gets interesting here. There is no archery or even swordfight; rather, Krishna takes his chakra to battle. Fearful, Rukmini asks Krishna to bless her brother with the “divine eye”. Krishna obeys, “pleased” by Rukmini. Rukmi’s ignorance taken away, he offers auspicious prayers to Krishna, who, pleased at the brother this time, blesses him and speaks “blissful words”. Rukmi happily goes back to Kundina. No Bhojkata, no insult, no killing or fighting.

Even the marriage isn’t celebrated in Dwaraka, but on the very banks of Narmada, in the presence of pious sages and other brahmins.

A long explanation of the significance of Rukmini tirtha is given in details, which we don’t find in prev. versions and which I have no energy to go over, for it isn’t significant to either the topic, or even Rukmini in general.

In a nutshell, Skanda Purana takes a decided and marked departure from the martial, the political and the more realistic, to the more mystical realms that have surrounded Krishna and his actions. Do we see a pattern here?

Brahmavaivarta Purana (about 700-1500 CE)

God, I hate this one so much. In a nutshell, guys, it goes several steps ahead of Skanda Purana and goes for a classic social marriage, as is prevalent nowadays. There’s no abduction, no Shishupala, no love, no resistance from Rukmi, no agency from either the bride or the groom. Nothing.

[Instead of Rukmini-harana, or even Rukmini-swayamvara, the headings become “Rukmini Udvaah Prastaav varnan” (description of proposal of Rukmini’s marriage) and then, “Rukmini Vivaahe Yuddham” (fight in Rukmini’s marriage). Credit where credit’s due, I learnt from an online friend about the Sanskrit titles.]

No message is sent by Rukmini, but a brahmin messenger does go with a proposal of marriage. He is sent by Bhishmaka instead of Rukmini. What’s more, the letter was addressed to Ugrasena, and it’s not Krishna, or even Balarama, who receives the proposal. It is Ugrasena, stepping into the limelight where before he had no role to play except that of a figurehead and a tortured father as per the texts.

In Kundina (described in detail for the first time, with the classic mahajanapada-style ditch around it), Krishna and Rukmini have a nice social marriage, presided over by all the elders and kings, with Bhishma, Drona, Duryodhana etc. and the Pandavas in attendance. Again, no mention of Jarasandha, but there’s a fight between Balarama and Shishupala, Dantavakra, Rukmi and Shalva, ending in a sorta mysterious, inconclusive defeat.

How interesting is it, that Brahmavaivarta is a text dedicated to, er, Radha-Krishna, an idea that didn’t exist until the Bhakti movement. So they just decide that no, such a daredevil mariage between lovers won’t do. It has to be society forcing these two together (rather than apart, as we see in Mahabharata et al), because it is Radha and Krishna whose relationship is against society, the rebellion of rebellions in the name of true love nd devotion, blah-blah. Forgive my tone, please, but I am pissed off, ‘kay?

The concerted effort to make everything in Krishna’s life, except Radha (oh, because they are the Supreme in Goloka, which is even above Kailasa and Vaikuntha, and nothing can separate them and all), socially acceptable because he’s their “God” who can do no wrong except if in “true love for Radha” (when the dude clearly rebelled against society any chance he got) is ridiculous. Esp. this! Damn, don’t make my girl into this insignificant little thing. Harivamsa and Vishnu Purana were silent about Rukmini’s letter too, but at least both mentioned clear attraction and interest between Krishna-Rukmini.

Digressing: Also, why is Krishna such a sap here, suddenly? Or why does the Radha-Krishna pairing (which originally symbolises the Jeevatma-Paramatma or devotee-god relationship,) need Krishna to chase her ceaselessly and for all his actions to lead up to her, despite him advocating being a man of action in the real world? I am sorry for being so vocal; it’s probably just my pent-up frustration from that horrible Radha-Krishna serial where this Krishna (gosh, I can’t even call him that!) finds a reason to cry every single time. I would have forgiven it had they cut off the Vishnu’s avatar perspective and kept only the lover boy part, but they keep it and they still make him a crybaby. What’s worse…at the times he should actually feel bad, he’s “calm” af, looking as if he has transcended every human emotion, and just patronises people. Such hypocrisy. Look, I have nothing against men who cry; in fact, it’s heartening to have men strong enough to embrace their emotions, esp. publicly; similarly, there is nothing wrong with suppressing them (apart from the mental health issues it generates, but we are no one to judge). But people, when you are making an omnipotent, omnipresent, omniscient character…keep the BS consistent at least?! (Sorry, civility.) 

Agni Purana (about 800-1100 CE) only mentions Rukmini as one of the eight principal wives.

[Devi-Bhaagavata Purana gives a brief outline sticking to what’s known. It says that in Rukmini’s swayamvara, Shishupala is specifically invited (this is the popular notion, and what I personally believed too, and still find myself going for). Krishna, with Ugrasena’s permission (not mentioned in prev. versions; as opposed to consulting with his fellow warriors in HV), takes Rukmini in Rakshasa vivaha. It also mentions that he later married Jambavati, Satya, Mitravinda, Kalindi, Nagnajiti, Bhadra, Lakshmana. (Satyabhama is not present. She seems to have been confused with Satya, whose other name is Nagnajiti, princess of Kosala.)

Kalki Purana goes for this elaborate Rukmini vrata which grants desired husband to a lady as a fruit of the vrata, where Rukmini is accorded deity status alongside Krishna, seemingly for the first time (not considering the temples dedicated to both). A woman named Sharmistha (strangely similar to Sharmistha of Yayati, Puru’s mother, who too hankered after Yayati) offers oblations to Rukmini-Krishna, saying a prayer: “O Lord, offerer of boons, accept the camphor, molasses and sandalwood with your beloved Rukmini, princess of Vidarbha. O lotus-eyed one, possesor of pitambara and four arms, supreme of gods. Please be satisfied with me and protect me with Rukmini.” It’s far longer, but this is the gist. Is this still Krishna we are speaking of? Huh, all these rituals and Krishna don’t sit well.]

I have only been able to catch hold of so many texts, and of the others, Markandeya Purana (about 250-700 CE) and Shiva Purana (about 1000-1400 CE) do not even mention Rukmini. Mudgala Purana only says Lord Krishna had 16,008 beautiful wives and washes its hands off. 

Note: Mathematician and Vedic shastra writer Baudhayana cites Rukmini/Krishna as an example of Rakshasa vivaha.

Sanskrit Literature

So after the Puranas kinda close off the (d)evolution with turning such interesting stuff to the dry social marriage w.r.t. to the parallel evolution of Radha-Krishna, where the concept of Krishna shifted completely from a socio-political persona with mild godlike touch to become a complete love god (as also the lord of the universe)… Rukmini rises again in later literature, of what, by modern standards, would be ancient fanfiction. Lol. There are loads of poetic descriptions (think Kalidasa) that embellishes the narrative – for example, the beauty of sunrise described for paragraphs onto paragraphs. (Yeah, I skimmed those. I was too interested in some Rukmini action. Will appreciate the poetry later.)

References are made to the Rukmini-haran incident in Shishupala-vadham by Magha in around 600 CE, in the 2nd canto, where Balarama, Krishna and Uddhava are in conversation, planning to kill Shishupala. (I hate this.) The entire canto is full of controversial speeches. Balarama refers to Krishna abducting Rukmini from her swayamvara and defeating Shishupala as being the latter’s prime reason for animosity, saying things like “women are the root of all enmity”.

It is referred to in Bhavabhuti’s Malati-Madhav as well, a love story between Malati and Madhav (son of a Vidarbhan minister), where in a convo between friends, a lady says something like “Purushottama Krishna accepted Rukmini, the mother of Kandarpa (Pradyumna being considered Kama’s rebirth), at her self-choice (swayamvara) ceremony”.

There is Bhagavata-Champu (don’t laugh) by Ananta Bhatta before 1500 AD and Sri-Gopala-Champu by Jiva Goswami. Both show their retellings to be derived from Bhaagavata purana (I’m so glad). In fact, in some places, like Rukmini’s letter and Balarama’s consolatory speech after Rukmi’s humiliation, the lines (as per the translated hardcopy in my home) seem to have been picked up directly from Bhaagavata. So it must be that the original Sanskrit lines were as well. The only thing that differs in Sri-Gopala-Champu is the premise of the story. Two messengers from Krishna tell the story to Nanda, Rukmini’s attributes coming up in the conversation. Radha and her fellow Gopis are mentioned as being present and eulogised. (Can no one let my girl have a moment?) But I love these few lines from the convo. The listeners speak thus (not the exact translation, but I don’t have the book rn):

“Although a girl, she is very intelligent and brave.”

“Is she a girl?” (Omfg, I laughed so much at this)

“No, never. She is a tense female elephant.” (The comparison is aimed to be praising of the confident, slow gait of an elephant in Sanskrit poetry, not in the modern way a woman might be called en elephant. Warriors and great women hav often been compared to elephants. There also seems to be an oxymoron as she is described as being tense or edgy, perhaps an allusion to being cautious…Hm, the spy headcanon, @avani008​ and @allegoriesinmediasres​? *grins excitedly* Oh, we’ll take anything, won’t we?)

“She is fearless, because she is a princess.”

Intelligent, brave, fearless, cautious…oh yeah, all my personal headcanons too.

Other Sanskrit works are as follows, to the best of my knowledge, some gathered from my grandparents and some from friends. I don’t know if their online versions are available, will have to see.

Bhaismi-Parinaya-Champu by prolific poet Ratnakheta Srinivasa Dikshita (South India) around late 16th century. also based on the Bhaagavata version. His son, renowned scholar Rajachuramani Dikshita wrote the Rukmini-Kalyana-Mahakavya (flourished in late 16th and early 17th centuries), possibly one of the most important Sanskrit works on the incident. This one, I unfortunately haven’t read, but have heard about from my late eldest grandfather. Two whole cantos take up Krishna’s mental affliction and pining in a pleasure garden of Dwaraka at the thought of his beloved Rukmini. Aw. Basically, Sanskrit poetry used to be all about elaborate descriptions and comparisons which would veer far, far away from the context, which in these times would be considered redundant and unnecessary. I agree, sort of. I would rather read about political machinations, rather than devotional poetry that distracts us from the issue at hand, thank you very much. Stfu, Medha.

We have Parvati-Rukminiya by astrologer poet Vidya Madhav in late 17th century, which narrates two marriages at a time – Shiva/Parvati and Krishna/Rukmini. Rukmini-Parinaya was written by Ram Varman of Trivancore in the middle 18th century.

Rukmini-Haranam-Mahakavyam, by Kashinatha Sharma Dvivedi, was published first in 1966 AD. (This one, my eldest grandmother straight up read to me, Bengal-ising it while she read. It was arduous, but I was old enough to bear the long hours.) Here, we find a few deviations from Bhaagavat – We find a long description of Rukmini straight up from birth to youth (yikes, that’s what I was attempting to do in my Yugantaram fic). It’s not a lot of characterisation, though – mainly dramatisation, if I remember correctly. (Unfortunately, I don’t know if we have that book any more.) The second canto has a description of Narada, who comes to Bhishmaka’s court bearing Krishna’s tales, which we don’t find in prev. versions, and who appears in the first canto of Magha’s Shishupala-vadham as well. In the third canto, Rukmini, hearing all this, falls in love and is treated by the royal physicians and offered consolation by her friends. (Here’s to one of my best-beloved lines of Hema’s Meerabai, ‘Is love an affliction, that you can cure?’) The next four cantos dramatise and stretch this love-struck Rukmini – with lovely descriptions of the moon, the seasons, the royal garden, etc. The next three cantos describe Rukmini’s marriage being fixed to Shishu by Rukmi, her sending the brahmin messenger to Krishna, a vivid description of Krishna’s beauty (as a young gal, I fell in love with that, yeah, I know, sorry) and an equally beautiful description of the dawn (which may be compared to the description of dawn in Shishupala-vadham by Magha… people are really fond of poeticising political and social issues to hide their significance behind glamour. Medha, stop). In the next canto, Krishna begins his journey to Vidarbha with obeisance to Lord Shiva, which isn’t present anywhere else. It is worth mentioning that the poet also starts his epic poem with salutations to Shiva as well, and states that he composed the entire poem with the grace of Lord Shiva. There’s a lot more descriptions, along with the deviation of Rukmini being guarded on orders of Shishupala rather than those of Rukmi, but the skeleton is all Bhaagavat. Sharma Dvivedi has been inspired heavily by Magha. It stands that his Rukmini-Haranam-Mahakavyam is the most successful rendering of the legend.

It has come to my knowledge that there are other Sanskrit literary works on these two as well but…I just don’t have the energy, sorry. There is a time and place for poetry and devotional fervour. Let me just say, with absolute relish on my side, that it is the Bhaagavat version that is preferred by our predecessors unanimously and all the Sanskrit literature is based on that. Personally, my go-to is Harivamsa and Bhaagavat as well, especially since they have the oldest layers of puranic text. I mean, just imagine, if all later retellings had been based on Brahmavaivarta rather than Bhaagavat. There would be no Rukmini-lovers at all! I mean, the first love does start from the most popular version, after all. It never fails to intrigue me, how legends undergo these modifications, and none of it is a coincidence.

Much love,

Medha

[novastarlyght]

That Time I Named an Invader Zim Background Character and Everyone Thought it was Canon: The Story of Ixane

Like a lot of others it seems, the premiere of Enter the Florpus has recently made me think back to my first stay in the Invader Zim fandom many years ago. For me it was between 2006 and 2007, and I was 14-15 at the time. IZ was and still is a very special cartoon to me, not only for how it influenced me creatively but also the fact being a part of its fandom was my first really positive experience in a fan community. And I wanna talk about that experience because it... lead to something very interesting. Something that only could’ve happened in the now bygone days of the early internet where reliable sources were harder to find and misinformation was much more common, but somehow, has lasted until today. 

This is how Ixane, a silent extra that appears only in the episode “Backseat Drivers from Beyond the Stars,” got her name.

So first off, you might be wondering “Who the heck is Ixane?” As I mentioned, she only appears as a background character in the 21st episode of the original series, titled “Backseat Drivers from Beyond the Stars” which I’ll abbreviate for the rest of this post as just Backseat Drivers. She’s a member of The Resisty, a resistance group against the Irken Empire who also only appear in that episode, although they were planned to become more significant recurring characters later down the line before the show was cancelled.

In 2006 I LOVED the Resisty. They were my favorite group of characters in the entire show, probably because I was fascinated by all their potential which sadly didn’t get the chance to be explored before IZ was canceled. What planets did each of them come from? What are each of their individual species like? How did they form into a single resistance group? What were their names, their personalities? Their hopes, dreams and fears?! THEIR FAVORITE DRINKS?!?! I attempted to provide my own answers to some of these not-so-burning-to-anyone-but-myself (or so I thought at the time...) questions by writing a fanfic called “Resisting Authority,” which I published on Fanfiction.net and later DeviantArt. It’s since been taken down on FFN while the DA version is currently in private storage on my old account, so here’s a screenshot just to prove it existed:

(click here for larger image)

Despite being more adult in tone than the show it was based on and rather melodramatic (then again, I was 14, and probably so was everyone else reading it), “Resisting Authority” became really, REALLY popular... at least for a fic that didn’t feature any of the show’s main characters, given it was entirely about the Resisty and told mostly from the perspective of its leader, Captain Lard Nar. Regardless it got a large amount of positive feedback and significant fan art on DeviantArt, most of which is no longer online although there’s still a little bit hanging around - mainly featuring Lyn, an Irken OC from the story who chooses to rebel against the empire and falls in love with Lard Nar, leading to a star crossed lovers conflict.

Because the purpose of the fic was to further explore the Resisty along with the idea of “What if an Irken betrayed their own?” several characters that appeared onscreen for only a couple of seconds in Backseat Drivers were fleshed out considerably in “Resisting Authority,” where they were given names, species names, home planet names, backstories, motivations and personalities. And of these the one who received by far the most development was a feminine, blue-eyed alien in a hooded purple cloak who I decided to name “Ixane.”

Ixane would become one of the most important characters in “Resisting Authority” right behind Lard Nar and Lyn. She is a Xanan from the planet Xana, a race of spiritual mystics. She is initially distrustful of Lyn, despite her actions and claims to be as much of a rebel as the rest of them, due to her hatred for the Irken Empire and how they destroyed her home. She believes Irkens are more like machines than living creatures, their bodies merely being empty shells to carry their PAKs around, making them incapable of genuine emotion. When she discovers Lyn and Lard Nar have been in a secret romantic relationship, she becomes even more hateful towards Lyn both due to jealousy, since she’d been harboring feelings for Lard Nar herself, and her genuine belief that Lyn’s feelings aren’t real, something that will only hurt Lard Nar in the end.

However throughout the course of the story her views are challenged and eventually Lyn manages to prove her wrong by displaying what she can’t deny is anything but legitimate love for Lard Nar and compassion for her allies in the Resisty. Unfortunately Lyn is fatally injured during a battle with a number of Irken soldiers sent to hunt down the rebellion. Now wanting nothing more than happiness for the person she loves, Ixane uses her mystical powers to save Lyn’s life while sacrificing her own in the process.

This character development (both in the meta sense and in the context of the fic itself) plus her selfless heroic sacrifice is what I think made Ixane one of the fic’s breakout characters and caused her to stick in the minds of those who read “Resisting Authority.” They were no longer thinking of her as just some extra, but as this fully developed character complete with an arc that I’d made her into - as the character of Ixane. But it didn’t occur to me just how big of an impact this may have truly had until about 9 years later.

In 2015, the official Invader Zim comic series by Oni Press began publication and I found myself extremely hyped about IZ again for the first time in almost a decade. It was during this time I came across a particular IZ wiki article and section of its TV Tropes page...

(Sources are here and here)

And I thought to myself “Wait... I thought I named her Ixane...?”

Because at this point I seriously couldn’t remember. I hadn’t thought about “Resisting Authority” in years, and with TV Tropes in particular noting that Ixane’s name was given “in the [episode] script” I wondered if I didn’t actually come up with the name. Maybe it was in the script for Backseat Drivers after all so I used it in the fic. Being unable to find said script (the original script as made by the episode’s writers, not a transcript) I couldn’t confirm it, so I mainly shrugged it off and thought more than likely I just had a bad memory. It wouldn’t be on a (still regularly maintained) wiki if it didn’t at least have a high possibility of being canon, right?

Cut to last night, August 2019. Me and all my other friends and fellow nerds who also grew up loving IZ are still buzzing over Enter the Florpus and our childhood/teenage fan content comes up in conversation. I dig up “Resisting Authority” from my old DA storage for perhaps a good laugh and a bit of nostalgia when more of when I first wrote it starts to come back to me. “I know the wikis all say her name was in the script, but I swear I came up with the name Ixane myself,” I thought, wondering if there was any way I could prove it.

Turns out I could. All the proof I needed was in a drawing of the character I posted to DA in January of 2007, which like the fic was still in storage:

(click here for larger image)

“Um...I bet a lot of people who read Resisting Authority got the impression she was an OC. She technically isn't. She is a Resisty character we saw VERY BRIEFLY once or twice in Backseat Drivers and I just elaborated on her for the story. The cloaked girl, yasee. Just look here: [link] “

That link no longer works normally, however putting it into Wayback Machine provides a snapshot taken in September of 2006, which would be around the time “Resisting Authority” was first published on FFN. Scrolling down on that page gives us...

(click here for larger image)

Additionally, opening the image itself reveals the filename “resistycloak.jpg” rather than something like “ixane.jpg” or “resistyixane.jpg”

For those who weren’t in the fandom back then, The Scary Monkey Show was a very well known IZ fansite and its Encyclopedias section was basically a resource for the show’s lore, one considered highly reliable, before things like fan wikis became commonplace. I actually used this site as a reference for the different types of Irken ships and other planets in the IZ universe brought up in the fanfic and so did many other fic writers at the time. If any site on the internet would know a minor or even background IZ character’s name, if it really was in the official episode script, it’d be The Scary Monkey Show. Yet her name is listed as unknown.

So why am I telling you this?

Because as wild as this whole situation is, I’m not a person who likes misinformation. I feel like IZ fans, both young and old, should know Ixane is not actually this character’s canon name as given to her by the writers of the show. That being said...

I see no reason to stop calling her Ixane. That’s just her name now.

Heck, it’d probably be difficult to go back to thinking of her as having no name given how long the name has been used on all these wiki pages and whatnot. And I’m completely fine with receiving absolutely zero credit for actually being the one who came up with the name in the first place, because here’s the thing...

I may have made the name, but it was the fandom that spread it. The IZ community, primarily in my absence too, were the ones who codified, legitimized it. Who added it to those wikis and accepted it as canon all these years. Who believed in it enough to assume it came from the official episode script, from the IZ crew themselves!

Ixane isn’t my name for her. It’s our name for her, as the fans who made Invader Zim the cult classic it is today.

And I want that to be something we all can have and be proud of ❤︎

[booksandeverything-in-between]

My journalism journey

... has only just begun! 

This is my post for the “Life Narrative” assignment for JTC 326. I’ve added a “keep reading” tab because I hate putting extremely long posts on my dashboard! Keep in mind too, I’ve formatted this to fit the platform, so it’s not strictly professional. 

Also  — this is the first time I’ve shared my Tumblr with anyone who is not my sister, but it’s the perfect platform for this. 

** All pictures were taken by me unless otherwise specified, some taken from my old blog posts on here. 

A note before I start: When I first thought about this assignment, I had so many things I thought I could share, a lot of them deeply personal, somewhat dark and just not the right fit. I had a bit of a crisis; I cried a little. There is so much in my past that makes me, me, that I’ve only ever really shared with my therapist, but have generally wanted to write about. But it’s hard, and I don’t know how. And a whole lot of other stuff. BUT THEN

I realized I could share a story that I have always wanted to share! It perfectly relates to our class too and basically everything anyone would ever need to know about me! It’s amazing! I’m so excited! I hope you like it! 

(line break) 

It’s the summer before sixth grade. That’s how I define, or sort, my life, in my memories. It’s the year of school, or it’s the summer before/after. It’s not my age, or the calendar year; it’s school. For a long time my whole identity revolved around school, so it fits. 

Anyway, I’m bored. My older sister and I can only do so much Netflix-watching (because we didn’t have cable) on the Wii (because this was 2011), and I need something to stimulate my active mind. Here comes books! 

I’ve always, always been an avid reader. I was the first person in my first grade class to start reading chapter books  — something I liked to brag about a lot back then. But I’m about to be a middle schooler, so I need to find something a little more mature. My parents decide that I’m at an appropriate age to start reading some of my sister’s old books, which were originally marked for garage sale. 

One of these books has a long, juicy title, with a teen girl posed on the cover in a preppy school uniform, hand on her hip. I don’t have to look this up to remember; it is forever in my mind. The book is I’d Tell You I Love You, But Then I’d Have to Kill You by Ally Carter. Juicy, right? AND I LOVE IT. Seriously. Love. It. 

Photo: I’d Tell You I Love You, But Then I’d Have to Kill You by Ally Carter. 

... And I guess I move on. That part is a little fuzzy. Enter: Back to School Night, sixth grade. I always would go with my mom, because I loved school, and nights like those I thought were super cool. So, I’m hanging out with my best friend Sydney by the stairs, and she has this book from the school library with her. 

Do you believe in fate? Was it kismet? I do not know; I will not guess. But I do know, I freaked the f*ck out. Because it was the book, by Ally Carter!! I loved that book! When I asked Sydney where she got it, she said in the library, and there were a bunch of other books like it. 

That made me pause. Honestly, I couldn’t believe it. Because, what do you know, it was a series!! There were three other books to be read! How, oh how, did I not know this? It had to be fate. 

I can still picture exactly where the books are, in the Preston library. The smaller shelf, up against the wall, right by the opening into the conference/meeting room space (I don’t know what we called that room???). Bottom shelf. 

Who knew a series about teenage girls going to a spy school would set me on this path? 

Suddenly it’s the summer after sixth grade, and once again, I’m bored. But, I have access to a netbook, that my grandpa gave us. Something entices me to start Googling these books. I find Ally Carter’s website. I found out that there are going to be two more books in the series. And I stumble upon this Google search suggestion, with the word fanfiction. 

And wow. 

Stories, countless stories, about my favorite books. Eventually, I make my own account on fanfiction.net, I try my hand at some of my own stories, I get a smartphone and make this very tumblr account when I turn 13, I find a place where I can express all my nerdiness in peace and all-caps, without any sort of ridicule fear. 

But that’s not the end, nor the point, of this story. 

Photo: The first four books in the Gallagher Girls series by Ally Carter. 

(line break) 

So here I am, spending all my free time secretly reading fanfic and trying to write it, and hating my life sometimes and thinking about what I want to study in college because that’s my best chance at escape from this life that I feel I’m stuck in. 

But I can’t think of anything to write! I love to read; I enjoy writing; I am learning more about grammar because my dad has me grading his grammar quizzes he gave his JTC 300 students; but still, something isn’t right. I viscerally hate English class. 

But! There’s a way I CAN write, without it being creative! My dad is going to school for photojournalism, my sister took a high school journalism class, and now it’s my turn to register for classes in high school. I sign up for Journalism 1, the precursor to Journalism 2, which is the class that houses the student newspaper. It’s a great plan. It was a good class.

I was looking through my old journal the other day, and I came across this line dated from September 23, 2014, just into the beginning of my freshman year of high school. “I want to be a journalist.” 

Photo: A journal entry that reads, “I want to be a journalist.” 

My sophomore year of high school, I take Journalism 2 and join the paper. I’m kind of terrified because there are a bunch of people I don’t know and now I’ll actually have to go out and report and talk to people ... but we do some really fun team-building, and people seem to like me, and I relax. I feel, just a little, like a really belong. 

And I had felt that way before, during band, and with some of my friends, but this thing, this journalism thing, I’m actually good at it. And there’s this one moment that sticks out to me still. 

It’s probably 7:20 a.m. I’m trudging up the steps to Spanish class, and I do not want to be there. It’s not that I don’t like school, or I don’t like my classes, because I do. But I’m tired, and it’s not what I want to be doing. I think, if I could spend the entirety of my day in my journalism class, I would be happy. 

To this day, as a college student, I am jealous of the people who get to spend their whole days doing journalism. 

I’ve found more than a home. I’ve found a place where, for what feels like the first time, I can speak my mind. I can be sarcastic, I can make a pun and I can also point out when there’s a bad typo somewhere and have that be appreciated. 

Halfway through my first year writing for the paper, I’m given extra responsibilities and get to start copy editing articles from the students in the J1 class, and I start to learn how to redesign/maintain our Wordpress site. I go on a class trip to Los Angeles, an amazing feat of independence for me, and I feel valued. And then, I’m award the position of Copy Editor for the next school year! It’s amazing. 

I learn my junior year that the freshmen whose articles I edited were afraid of me. Afraid, of me! (For reference, I am five feet tall). But once they met me, they were like ‘Woah, Serena’s not scary!” and now we’re good friends. I’ve since learned to be less harsh/blunt in my editing. 

My senior year, I was Editor-in-Chief. That was something I dreamed about as a freshman, but wouldn’t let myself actually fathom. And even though I felt like I could have done a much better job, and I had a lot of personal sh*t to do with too, by the end of the year, I knew that I was leaving behind a strong legacy. 

It’s really something special when people you love give you a speech, crying, telling you how much you welcomed them, how much you made them feel like they had a place to grow, to be, and how much you’ve inspired them. 

Because journalism, especially student journalism, is about so much more than the news. It’s about a community. It’s community with your fellow reporters and editors, it’s comradery while kicking ass, it’s creating a community with your readers and your peers, it’s learning about the community you live in and sharing the ups and downs of life. 

Photo: A screenshot from my Instagram account of my high school journalism family, taken at our end of the year picture my junior year of high school. We had this running joke that I was going to be a world-dominator type person (because I’m so tiny and quiet) and my teacher said, “Okay, Serena now push Katie over” because I was taking over as EIC. Photo credit goes to my teacher (not going to post his name here). 

(line break)  

I have a lot of setbacks, too. I have anxiety. Like, a lot. Of anxiety. I haven’t been formally diagnosed with General Anxiety Disorder, but I think I should be. 

I used to think I was just shy. And that was partially the case. But I grew from it, in large part because of journalism. I went from not sitting in my designated seat at the beginning of class because there were older kids in the way my freshman year, to leading the entire class three days a week my senior year. I liked high school journalism because I could get away with asking my friends for quotes, or just not really quoting anyone at all. 

I spent one quarter at the University of Denver last year, and it was somewhat the same thing. They didn’t have any strict standards on a number of sources, and I wrote articles that didn’t require speaking to a lot of people. But then, I took over nine months off from school in what should have been my freshman year of college, and thus took nine months off from journalism and reporting. So starting at The Collegian was a challenge. 

I am still damn proud of myself for getting up the courage, on the second day of classes at CSU, to go down to the newsroom and ask about reporting. I wouldn’t be where I am today if I didn’t, and I love where I am today. 

To think that wasn’t even a year ago ... 

Photo: Here I am, remote copy editing for The Collegian, the week after Spring Break. Photo cred to my dad. 

When I started at CSU, I felt good. I was nervous, but transferring was a really good decision, and I’m from Fort Collins, so I felt more comfortable. And at first, my reporting felt really good.

But then I got too stressed with school and work, and that stress led over to increases social anxiety when I was reporting. I went to this community meeting and tried to talk to people there, but I felt helpless and quiet and I left and cried to myself. I then conducted my interviews over the phone. 

I even had to take a break for a few months last semester, because I had a panic attack with the mere thought of approaching people I didn’t know. 

But I worked through it. Aided by Xanax and peer support, I interviewed a bunch of people at the Eva Schloss event and felt really good about it. I also saw my high school journalism advisor, because his wife works at CSU Hillel, and talking to someone who knew my struggle felt good. 

For a long time I’ve doubted if journalism, if news reporting, is something I’ll actually be able to do. It’s the only real thing that makes me feel like I have a purpose, the only thing that makes me not feel depressed about life, but I am still so worried I’ll hold myself back in some way. 

That hasn’t happened yet. 

(line break) 

It’s the summer before my junior year of high school, and I am about to go meet up with the other members of the new leadership team, Katie and Kathleen, at Starbucks. I’ve recently got my license and it feels really good to be driving myself around. 

I go to Target and buy a fancy looking notebook with the last $15 I have to my name, because I don’t have a job yet. I go to Starbucks and discover I like drinking tea. I talk with Katie and Kathleen and we brainstorm what we want the journalism class to look like next year. What we want to change, how we’re going to get students to know that we exist. 

It’s the summer before my senior year, and I bring this same notebook to a meeting at Dazbog that I have with our leadership team to get ready for the school year. I’m in charge. It’s weird, but in a good way. There are a lot more people there, and I fill pages upon pages of ideas, and agendas I want to start the first weeks with. 

So much had changed in a year. My parents got divorced, I started working a lot, I was looking more seriously into college. But so much was the same. The same people, the same work, the same purpose. It was good. 

It’s the second semester of my first year at CSU, my sophomore year of college. I’m at home, cleaning my room, procrastinating because I don’t want to write my final essay. I get a text from Laura, asking if I’ve heard back about the editorial board yet. I had shut my phone off because I was checking my email so obsessively. 

And there it is. I am going to be the 2020-2021 News Editor for The Rocky Mountain Collegian. I still don’t fully feel like I know what I’m doing, even though I have all this experience. News is happening, but it’s summer. Do I write about it? Do I ask other people to write about it? Can I express the authority and knowledge I know I have, to people who have more experience at the paper than I do? It’s still early. 

The day I get the news, I pull out an old, blue notebook that’s barely filled. It’s the perfect place to start brainstorming the things I want to change on the desk and the things I think are super important for Laura and me to talk about. 

I forgot that I had notes from my Editor-in-Chief days in there. 

Photo: The notebook!

It feels like I’ve completed a circle. Like all the highs and lows of my last few years have led me to here, right back to where I’m supposed to be. Where I’ve always known I would be. 

I know who I am; I know where I belong; I know my place and my purpose in this world. 

Ally Carter’s Gallagher Girls series brought me to writing, and writing brought me to journalism. In my obsession with those books, the unofficial motto of the CIA really resonated with me. “And you shall know the truth, and the truth shall set you free.” 

Community and truth, that’s journalism. 

I want to be a journalist.

I am a student journalist.

I am a journalist. 

[witchqueenofthemoon]

BODY AND SOUL Part 5 (Duncan Shepherd/Mackenzie Stone Millory AU)

BODY AND SOUL MASTERPOST

Author’s Note: The Youth of Bacchus is listed publicly as being part of a “private collection”, so AU-fictionally-speaking, who knows, it could theoretically belong to the Shepherds. I’ve been meaning to feature Beethoven’s Moonlight Sonata in some kind of story for ages, as I’ve loved it all my life (I listened to this version a lot while I wrote this part). I had to include a little nod to my fellow Sagittarius, Jane Austen, with her famous line, spoken by Darcy to Lizzie in a moment of passionate abandon, from Pride & Prejudice (“you have bewitched me, body and soul”), though the title of my fic came originally from the song Hypnotised by Years & Years, as I’ve mentioned before. I mirrored the “breathing” advice from their mothers on purpose. That moment Kenzie stares at Duncan with tears in her eyes over dinner was my homage to that gif floating around of Mallory looking across the table (I always imagine she’s looking at Michael). I’m learning some fascinating stuff from my research for this fic, including the fact that in order to be issued a Black AmEx (“Centurion Card”) you need a special invitation and are required to pay an initiation fee of $7500 with an annual fee of $2500. Rumor has it (it hasn’t been confirmed on record) that Black Card holders need a net worth of around $16 million to qualify. I also learned that Bordeaux goes well with duck a l’orange, which, as a vegetarian, is a thing I probably would have never known otherwise. The line “Then I must be thy lady, but I know / When thou hast stolen away from fairy land” is from Shakespeare’s A Midsummer Night’s Dream. The Bouguereau cunnilingus I came up with in my sleep last night and I’m totally in love with it. His painting Evening Mood (which Duncan thinks of when Kenzie is standing there naked in the candlelight) is enshrined at the Museum of Fine Arts, in Cuba. I’m so proud of this part; I worked really hard on it and put a lot of my own emotions into it. I’m proud of what I’ve written here and what I’ve done so far with this story, and that’s a wonderful feeling. If anyone else wants to do visual edits or moodboards for the fic, I’d be so thrilled. The one @nat-de-lioncourt made (here) made me ecstatically happy. I posted some screenshots of the playlist I made for writing the fic on my Twitter, if you’re interested in my music influences/the mood I’m trying to create so far.  And as ever, if you’re reading and enjoying, your comments mean everything to me.

Duncan felt as though his spirit was trying to break free from his body. He was leaning against the obsidian counter in his spotless kitchen, his sleek black phone clutched in his hands, tapping it every now and again to check the time, quiet strains of classical music coming from the turntable in the corner of his office; Beethoven’s Moonlight Sonata. He fiddled with the cufflinks of his shirt again; they were rose gold with black onyx stones. He ran his fingers down his Balmain one-button velvet jacket, breathing deep, letting it out at a measured pace, re-adjusting the collar of his black shirt, though it had already been perfectly straight. Annette had taught him to breathe carefully from the time she had begun to bring him to public events with her when he was still in elementary school. “Never let them see your nervousness,” she had insisted, holding his small hand in hers, pushing at his back so he’d stand straight. “These people feed on weakness, and you must appear to be untouchable them. Breathe until your fear fades away. You can’t use it where you’re going.”

Oddly, he often thought it was the best advice his mother had ever given him. You can’t use it where you’re going; as if his destiny was to do something great, no matter his own doubts about himself. She had always said it with absolute conviction. He knew his mother loved him. That was an absolute, unshakeable truth. Maybe she could accept Kenzie, because I think I love her. He brought his hand to his chin in that familiar tick, running his right index and middle fingers over his bottom lip. That thought had come unbidden, like a tide to the shore. God. I think I do. I don’t know her yet, but I think I love her. It’s so strange.

He made himself breathe out again, focusing his attention on the strains of the Sonata’s first movement; it had always made him think of the dead of night, some abandoned moor far from civilization, bathed in the glow of the moon and a universe full of a million stars hovering above, looking down on the tiny rock of humanity with a studied, sympathetic indifference. Wretched humankind, he thought, moving slowly to the study, all alone in an empty cosmos. It was a thought he’d had many times before, but this time, oddly, his resolute conviction in it faltered. Maybe alone. Maybe not. His eyes fell over the painting that stretched, colossal, against the wall facing his desk.

It was Bouguereau's The Youth of Bacchus. His mother had bought it for him for his 18th birthday: yes, the original. The Shepherds had a net worth of over 3 billion, and she had insisted he needed a legitimate piece when he’d moved into his penthouse alone. He’d always loved it; “it reminds me of when you were a boy and I bought you those mythology books you’d read for hours and hours,” Annette had said, her finger stroking his cheek. He’d gone through a period in his adolescence where he was obsessed with Greek and Roman mythology; had practically every book ever published on the subject, most of them still on his study shelves, though Edith Hamilton’s was always his favorite. He had gazed at the bacchanalia depicted in the painting countless times, its naked, dancing figures, feverish in their revelry; sometimes he would come here and sit in the leather chair behind the mahogany desk, just to stare at it until whatever vinyl he’d placed on the turntable wound down to silence. It had always been odd to him that though the painting referred to Bacchus’ youth (he, the god of hedonism), he was depicted as a pot-bellied old man in it, teetering on a donkey. Duncan had long-ago decided that Bouguereau meant it in reference to Bacchus’ spirit, his essence, one of endless mischief and debauchery. He thought back on the many nights he’d indulged in debauchery himself; the women and men he’d taken into his bed, careless to know their names, content with the pleasures of the flesh, rarely feeling the impulse to see them again. When your mother was Annette Shepherd, you could afford to pay off any troublesome, tiresome attentions. Duncan found that though he’d often felt lust, any experience he’d had until last night had not deigned to come close to the wild, somehow almost painful, intoxicating energy he’d felt when Mackenzie Stone was in his arms. It was as if he’d never known what passion truly was until the moment he’d kissed her, her mouth opening to him; hadn’t understood the winding way of the universe at all until she’d been under him, her sweet whisper in his ear, her small hands on his skin, around his length, in his hair. Her smell, her touch, her presence was like waking up for the first time on a cool spring morning after winter, seeing the sunlight course over some distant hill, watching auburn clouds float into the ether as dawn kissed the world. She had reminded him, or perhaps made him realize truly for the first time, that being alive was miraculous indeed; and he wanted the feeling again, the grip of the desire to live. And that was passion, he thought. Passion was her eyes, where he’d seen her soul floating behind them, seeing his, as though they’d been long lost from each other, and now, finally, had found each other again, through time.

Bewitched, body and soul, he thought, and he could not remember what the line was from. God, but that’s how I feel. He’d considered himself a staunch atheist since he was little more than a child, but something about this woman, this wondrous angel so she seemed, made his resolve falter for the first time in memory. Maybe there is something out there, he thought, surprising himself, a shiver falling down his spine under the weight of his velvet jacket, the C-sharp minor of the Sonata boring into his mind. She exists, and she is some kind of miracle, so maybe something is. Fuck. It was as if someone else had entered his body since last night; the better version of himself, desperate to be good enough for her, desperate to hope for a world where she truly existed, and was not some free-falling fantasy of his own invention.

He fiddled with his onyx cufflinks, clearing his throat, moving to where he kept a small bar cart beside the table the record player rested on, an ornate, priceless Tiffany lamp beside it. He poured a finger of bourbon and drank it down, wiping his lips on the back of his hand as the final strokes of the first movement ended. He glanced at his watch (the Cartier again); it was 8:20 PM. It was time to go; time to go to her.

Surprising himself again, he thought out a silent prayer for the first time since he was a boy: if anyone is out there, give me courage.

------

Samuel shut the door behind Duncan as he slid into the backseat of the black BMW. Duncan felt as though he could jump out of his skin at any moment; his resolve was trembling, and the feeling was truly putting him off-guard. Am I actually good enough for this woman? The thought flitted across his mind and he felt utterly shaken by it, as though someone else had invaded his mind. But he knew the thought was his own. He knew he was truly wondering what he’d done to deserve her in his bed, enraptured, the euphoria of her seeping into his senses. He couldn’t believe he was about to see her again. His body felt like it was vibrating, the bourbon he had drunk to calm his nerves giving them an edge instead, an overwhelming intensity.

“Are you alright, Mr. Shepherd?” Samuel was sitting in the driver’s seat again, peering at Duncan over his glasses, a combination of concern and amusement flickering in his eyes.

“Samuel, I need your good thoughts tonight,” Duncan replied, his guard down. “I need all the help I can get. I’m enamoured with this woman. I’m crazy about her.”

“Let your heart be your guide, Mr. Shepherd.” Samuel held his gaze for a moment, and then looked down, toward the stretch of asphalt in front of Duncan’s high rise. The car moved forward, streamlined, humming quietly, toward Duncan’s destiny.

----

Duncan had texted Mackenzie again a few hours before; after the conversation during which she’d gazed at her phone in awe, falling into the constellation of Cancer on her bed, unbeknownst to him. He’d asked for her address; it was now programmed into Samuel’s GPS, so he could see the minutes counting down to their arrival. He took another deep breath; let it out in a steady stream, opposing thumb pressing into his palm; his eyes, sapphire-like, gazed out the window, reflecting the glowing lights of a Washington evening. He thought of Kenzie in her little black dress, her ankles wrapped in laces, the crystal floating at her throat, her eyes, gazing at him, full of hidden emotion. Her voice rising in his shower; baby, I want you to come. He closed his eyes and his head, crowned in curls, fell back on the leather seat. God, her fingers in mine, her hard little nipples and sweet clit in my mouth and the feeling of her body clenching around mine, how was that real, how is it still all so real and yet like a dream, the smell of vetiver and her skin, her moans, her hair glowing in the light over the bed--

“Mr. Shepherd, we’re here.”

His eyes snapped open, an involuntary fear rising in them. They’d pulled up to an apartment complex, relatively modern, with glass doors leading to an entryway and the doors of the inner apartments visible within.

Kenzie.

“Here I go.”

Samuel nodded, the wry smile playing around his mouth again.

“Mr. Shepherd.”

For the breadth of a heartbeat, Duncan paused, then he pushed the door of the BMW open and stepped onto the sidewalk. Apartment 1R was Mackenzie’s; she’d texted even her apartment number to him. She was trusting him with it, and he understood this innately. He straightened his Balmain jacket (already straight), rubbed the finger into his palm again, ran that nervous, constant hand against his bottom lip, and walked to the glass door, pulling it open. The second door was locked; he saw a neat row of buzzers beside it, each with a tile clearly printed with apartment numbers underneath. 1R. Stone. He breathed in again, long and low, and pressed the buzzer.

He held the breath as the moment hung there, unmoving.

Then a buzzing sound emanated from the foyer where he stood; he pulled the second door open.

Inside, there were four apartments in a long row, and a corner where the hallway turned towards more apartments along the next wall. He walked (wearing black Saint Laurent Wyatt boots tonight, the buckles hidden beneath the hem of his tailored slacks) to the end, where the corner began; 1R. A gold crescent moon ornament, hung from a small nail and a gold-painted, braided length of rope, shimmered in the hallway light against the door. There was a one-sided peephole facing him; he stared at it for a moment; he breathed again, and then he knocked.

An aching pause again; and then she opened the door.

Mackenzie stood there, her chestnut waves falling down over her shoulders and her back (moons along her head, he thought, stunned, moonlight in her hair), and she met his gaze, her hazel eyes aglow with silent fire, though her expression was full of apprehension she clearly had not been able to conceal. He went to speak, but his breath seemed caught in his lungs; he looked at her and his heart was struck with a quiver of aching need. Her mouth was darkly colored; her eyelids were dark, black kohl around her eyes; tonight she was like the hidden face of the moon, and he was immediately beguiled, under her spell.

She was wearing a dress that seemed to be cut out of the air itself; its neckline plunged down through the space between her breasts, coming together beneath them in a deep V, the skin there luminous in the light (I want to kiss that skin now); it was black like the dress she’d been wearing the night before, but it had long sleeves that came down to past her wrists, pointing towards her knuckles. It had been tailored to her small waist, tailored so it hugged against the rise of her chest and the elegant inclines of her arms, and then it fell from her hips, in waves of more silken velvet an inch above her knee, waves he wanted to kneel into, bury himself inside. Knee-high heeled boots stretched along her slender legs (the legs whose ankles I kissed, their redness building an ache in me, he thought), their toes coming to points, but the stretch of skin between where the boots began and her skirt ended was entrancing to him; he wanted to press his mouth there and move it up between her legs again; he ached at the thought. Around her neck was a velvet choker (my hands there my lips on her mouth), and hanging from it was a black inverted moon, its crescent points hanging down towards her shoulder blades. The sight of it sent a cool chill along the back of his neck; it seemed an omen, occult and knowing, a feminine eye that knew him and could see all of his secrets. He resigned himself to this; I would tell her anything. And he knew it was true.

“Kenzie,” he said breathlessly, overwhelmed. She was real. He hadn’t dreamt her; not last night, not this morning, when her light scattered along the hall as she ran away from him. And she was beautiful beyond all words to him; her realness, her weight, her beauty, within and without, shining like a darkened star in the twilight.

“God, you look beautiful.”

“So do you,” a nervous smile spread over her little mouth, and he thought of honey, roses, wine, the sweetness of your soul, Kenzie--and he moved forward, his lips capturing hers, his hands burying themselves in her cascade of hair, and he felt lost for a moment, lost in the tangibility of touching her again, full of relief at her reality. “You’re real,” he whispered into her mouth; he couldn’t stop. “You’re real, and I didn’t dream you.” He breathed in her smell; her perfume was the same. Vetiver, geranium, roses. He wanted to drink it like nectar.

“I know. I was afraid of the same thing. That I’d imagined you.” Her little face was turned up to him, and her darkly-shadowed eyes glistened with moisture. He was filled with a terrible fear that she would begin to cry; he felt a twinge around his heart, a wrenching horror at the idea of her sadness.

“I’m here.” He pressed his forehead into hers for a moment, his fingers trailing through her hair, his eyes closing, overwhelmed. “We’re both here. Everything was real. Everything is real. This is real.”

Her little hands went around his wrists for a moment as he held her, twining her fingers through his on either side of her face, clutching him to her, and he felt a burst of energy, as if her sweetness, her care, her nature of goodness, seeped through her into him, bathing him in warmth, and then she stepped away, out of his grasp. “Take me to dinner, Duncan Shepherd. I’m fucking starving.” She smiled again, like honey, he thought, and he smiled back at her (he watched her face blush towards him at his smile and his heart clenched again), and then he grabbed hold of her hand and pulled her through the door, his fingers pressing into her, the warmth of hand spreading into him like the glow of home after a long, cold walk in the dark.

-----

Duncan grasped Mackenzie’s little hand as she slid into the backseat of the BMW, her eyes meeting Samuel’s through his rearview mirror as they always did Duncan’s. Duncan could see the smile in Samuel’s eyes; he was delighted. Duncan slid in beside her and pulled the door shut, anxious to be near her; Kenzie looked so unbelievably beautiful, he felt dazed, blinded, disoriented once again, wistful for them to be alone together.

“Samuel--this is Mackenzie Stone.”

Duncan watched the clouded patina that immediately came into Samuel’s usually clear brown eyes. “Stone. You wouldn’t be Madeline Stone’s daughter now, would you?”

Kenzie put her chin up, meeting Samuel’s gaze through the mirror, bringing her hands together in her lap over her little purse (it was different than the clutch she’d had at the party; this one had a strap to go over her shoulder, and a gold buckle shaped like a crescent moon, this one facing in a waxing direction). Duncan felt a sort of fierce pride wash over him as he gazed at her lovely, shadowed face, the blush of her cheek and the incline of her neck. She’s brave; she’s honest. She’s so easy to fall in love with.

“I am.”

Samuel didn’t miss a beat, letting his concern slide away. Duncan silently thanked him. “Delighted to finally meet you, Miss Stone. Duncan has said only the best of you.”

“He doesn’t know me that well yet,” she laughed a little, glancing at Duncan, and he was full suddenly to the brim with the desire to hold her, kiss her again, melt into her. Samuel chuckled with her, his very white teeth flashing, his eyes dancing behind his square glasses. He liked her very much; Duncan could tell. How could you not, Duncan thought. Look at her.

“I can’t wait to know you more,” he said to her, Samuel’s watchful eye be damned. He reached to her lap and grasped her hand, looking at her carefully. He wanted her to see how sincerely he meant what he was saying. “I want to know you more than anything.” Kenzie looked at him, her hazel eyes taking on that strange dark hue again, and then she looked down at his hands, as if she felt overwhelmed by his gaze. Samuel’s attention seemed to strategically slide away from them; Duncan didn’t even need to ask him, the partition between the front and back seats rolled up languidly, almost absent-mindedly, and the car moved forward. By the time it arrived in front of Le Diplomate, Duncan and Kenzie were breathless, eyes glittering, breath hitching from the wild locking of their mouths, and Duncan’s lips were smeared with her dark lipstick. She put her delicate thumb up to his mouth as the car stopped, to wipe it away; Duncan captured the finger in his mouth, and sucked at it for a moment, lost in the ecstasy of her touch, the taste of her.

“Duncan,” she whispered, the longing in her voice inconcealable. “My lipstick is all over you.”

“Good. I want it there.”

She smiled at him, and he couldn’t hold back the moan; “Kenzie, baby,” he tried to kiss her again, his mouth hovering over hers, but she pulled away, the smile turning mischievous, and he knew she was watching the yearning in his gaze and his body with satisfaction; she quickly wiped the stain from his mouth before he could bite her finger again, and pulled her hand away.

“Later,” she said, their eyes meeting, and the core of his body tingled, as if touched by a live wire. “Later, I belong to you.” A chill coursed down his spine. He wanted to press his mouth between her legs and make her scream again. He wanted to press his face into the hollow of her neck, buried inside her. But patience was a virtue. He owed her his patience.

The partition went down, languidly; “Samuel, I’ll text you when we need the car. Thank you,” Duncan said. Samuel replied with the smile still dancing on his features, his bright eyes on Mackenzie. “Certainly, Mr. Shepherd.”

“Thank you, Samuel,” Kenzie said shyly, smiling back at him sweetly.

“It is truly a pleasure, Miss Stone,” Samuel replied, and she grinned.

Duncan helped her from the backseat, his large hand grasping her small fingers with fervent attention. “I like him very much,” she said to him quietly, smoothing her dress nervously; his other hand came around and felt at her waist, moving up and down for a moment, lost in the soft feeling of her, steadying her. “He likes you too,” he replied, bringing his face close to her again, breathing in her intoxicating scent. “Samuel’s worked for my family since before I was born, and I trust him with my life. I know when he likes or dislikes someone right away. He thought you were lovely. And you are. You’re the loveliest person I’ve ever met.”

He couldn’t stop himself; the words tumbled out of him, fervently.

“God, Duncan,” she said, her hair shimmering in the lamps outside the entrance, her breath sweet against his face, her eyes glowing, hypnotizing him in their ethereal embrace. “How are you so wonderful?”

“Kenzie, it’s for you. It’s all for you. Anything you want, I want to give it to you.”

She laughed. “Right now, I want dinner. And a glass of wine. That would be nice.”

“So much dinner and so many glasses of wine are in store for you, Madame.” He pulled away, grasping her little hand tightly, the eyes of DC society be damned for now. He’d reserved a private room, but he didn’t care who saw them on their way to it (and he noticed several unfamiliar but attentive eyes follow them through the dining hall--clearly they recognized him); he felt an encroaching abandon, as though nothing and no one could tear him away from her now; let everyone see her, let everyone see them together, and he would do whatever it took to protect her, to sway his immovable mother to good graces when the time came. But first, this evening. First, Kenzie. Angel.

He saw Kenzie’s hesitant face as the waiter helped her into her seat; she saw the exhaustive wine menu and an overwhelmed look came into her eyes at its massive length.

“May I order the wine?” He asked her, his eyes on her, gentle.

“Yes, please.” He wanted to soothe the worry from her; he wanted her to feel comfortable to let her guard down, to be herself with him. Wine menus could get fucked if they made her doubt herself. Anything and anyone could get fucked, as far as he was concerned, if they looked at her the wrong way.

“Château Trotte Vieille Bordeaux, please,” he murmured to the waiter after he perused its exhaustive length for a short minute; he’d looked over this particular menu many times before. He watched Mackenzie’s wide, beautiful eyes glance down at the menu, searching for the wine he’d chosen; they widened further and he knew she’d noticed the price tag. The waiter (a tall young man with a thin face, a long nose and close-cropped hair) nodded, eyeing Mackenzie very briefly with badly-veiled interest; Duncan could see that the waiter recognized him as well, and was clearly curious about the beauty sitting with him in a private room. A less observant person would have perhaps missed the look, but Duncan was almost preternatural in his ability to read others; a useful talent he’d learned from watching his mother and listening to her through years of gains on political stages. He wondered how much a future reporter would pay the man to give them information about Duncan Shepherd’s date at Le Diplomate on a recent Sunday in May, the details of Mackenzie’s appearance, the coy Instagram shots that could potentially materialize of them later. He could see the headlines on the gossip websites now. Duncan Shepherd Spotted Arriving and Leaving with Political Enemy’s Daughter From Intimate Dinner At Posh French Restaurant.

I don’t care, he thought, staring into Kenzie’s eyes, which met his with a mixture of hesitance and open avidity, and that crushing feeling around his heart recurred. He reached out and took her hand. I just don’t care. I’ll do whatever it takes to make this woman mine.

“$245. I saw that. Oh my god,” Kenzie breathed, holding his fingers tightly. “That’s the money I spend on groceries in a month.” Nervousness had seeped into her eyes as she stared at him, her mouth open in a kind of stunned realization.

“Kenzie. It’s nothing. My mother spends that much every week on cold-pressed juice.”

“Duncan.”

“You’ll love it. It’s wonderful. It’s perfect with the duck a l’orange, which is, by the way, better here than the duck I’ve had in Paris.”

“Duncan.”

“Kenzie.”

“I feel strange.”

She was biting her lip, and her eyes looked frightened. They pierced his heart; he ached to soothe her again, ached to calm her.

“Mackenzie, listen to me. Please don’t. This is my life. I understand that it may be strange to you, but I will do whatever I can to make you feel more comfortable, more at ease. Anything. Don’t be afraid, Kenzie. I want you here. I want you to be here with me right now, and no one else. Mackenzie Stone, I don’t care about anything else right now except being here with you.”

He watched her face, her eyes growing shiny with the tears hiding behind them, and her little mouth trembled ever-so-slightly, a strange smile falling over her features. She sniffed a little, and a single tear fell from her eye, dropping down onto the immaculate white tablecloth, spreading into a damp orb. He grasped her hand desperately, his thumb rubbing against her wrist. “Baby,” he whispered. “It’s okay.”

She breathed, silently, her overwhelmed expression clinging to the certainty in his blue eyes; he watched her throat and the rise of her collarbones, wanting to press his lips against her there; he watched the whiteness of the skin between the plunging neckline of her extraordinarily beautiful dress. And then her expression seemed to clear from what she saw in his face; she nodded a little, the smile trembling still but steadying for him. “Okay, baby,” she whispered. And he squeezed her hand, his smile widening to her, nodding back.

----

The duck tasted even more wonderful tonight; it was simultaneously the best meal he’d ever had and the one he felt he’d remember the least, somehow; he could only think of and focus on her eyes and her hair and her throat and her gold headband adorned with moons and the tiny movements of her hands and fingers as she ate her bread or stabbed a forkful of spinach or a morsel of perfectly roasted duck or drank the (absolutely exquisite) vintage Bordeaux from her wine glass, catching the dim, romantic evening candlelight from their table in its reflection. He somehow felt he’d never seen another person so clearly and entirely before this night; she was a revelation, so real and so beautiful and her eyes were full of emotion and so open to him, it absolutely took his breath away. He watched her ease into the meal and into his words as they talked; she told him about her father, far away in LaLa land, writing about film, forgetting to send her birthday cards, about her best friend Claire (“shares her name with the president, oddly enough”), and the love she shared with her mother. And there we can agree, he’d said, and told her about his mother, too. “I know how she can seem,” he said, looking away, referring to Annette’s sharp television interviews and her well-chronicled contentions with the press, “but I love her deeply, and she loves me. That’s an unshakeable truth, and it gives me comfort in life.” Kenzie had nodded, understanding. “I feel the same way about my mother,” she had agreed. “She’s there for me when no one else is. She’s given me so much advice that has helped me survive; she’s been a guiding light to me. I admire her strength and fearlessness so much.” Throughout the meal and as they talked, they continued to reach for each other’s hands every now and then; Duncan pressing his thumb gently into circles in her palm, his hands trailing down the expanse of her slender fingers. She’d grasp his fingers one by one, caressing the shape of his knuckles, making him shiver. At one point as he gazed at her left hand in his between staring into her eyes (god, her eyes, I love them so much, like stars), he wondered what it would look like with a ring from him adorning it. He blushed at the imagining; and then he wondered, quietly, what kind of ring she would love. A moonstone, he thought immediately, somehow sure right away, as though she’d told him herself. A moonstone, because she’s like the face of the moon to me, penetrating my spirit, exquisite and divine. He kept the thought to himself, tucking it away to look at later, as she told him about her work as a journalist, how much it made her hope for and want to fight for a kinder, better world. His eyes clouded with her sincerity; he was shaken with a moment of doubt regarding the work he did for his mother, and he knew it was dark work, cloudy work, and not for the first time, he felt deeply conflicted, perhaps now more than he ever had, especially hearing her sincerity. “I feel as though I can’t say no to her, my mother is the only person who has always been there for me,” he murmured. The sympathy shone out from Mackenzie’s eyes, and he knew she did not judge him harshly; knew she understood his confusion.

“I’ve seen and felt how wonderful you are,” she said. “I feel it now. We can always work to be better, be kinder, be gentler. I think it’s something you do every day, little by little, work at like a sculptor chipping away at a stone. Eventually it becomes something extraordinary. But that’s from hundreds of days of tiny work. For me, working on a story is like that. A tiny chipping away to find the essence of truth in something. I think that’s what life is, really. Hundreds and hundreds of days of little work.”

“I want to try to do that with you, Kenzie. Work together like that, a little bit at a time, for hundreds of days.”

Her eyes settled into his. He watched her breathe out, slowly, setting her fork down, the velvet choker at her throat, its moon charm catching the light.

He said it before he lost his nerve. “Mackenzie. Would you...be with me? Would you be mine?”

“Duncan. Oh, my god. I…” Mackenzie trailed off, staring at him. Her shock seemed to extend, and she was quiet. Her eyes had taken on that greenish hue that startled him deeply again. Her soul, deep in thought, full of tangled emotion.

He bit his lip, his eyes darkening, and he looked down for a moment, grasped his wine glass, drank deeply. He set it down, slowly, carefully.

“I know...this all seems so sudden, so fast. But I feel something for you that I’ve never felt for anyone. I meant everything I said to you today. You’ve brought an ache into my heart. I want you. Not just in my bed. I want you in my life. I want you, Kenzie. All of you.”

The moment hovered, quieted. They regarded each other. He felt her eyes rove over him as soft, pulsing music played in the background of the room; down from his dark hair, thrown back, to his eyes, meeting hers with hope and desire, his lips (which would kiss you every day, kiss you always, Kenzie), the fine sheen of ever-present stubble on his cheeks, the bob of his throat, the high collar of his dark shirt, the fall of his velvet blazer over his tall frame, down his arm and to his wrists, his silver Cartier watch shining against the candlelight, down his long hands, one resting against his thigh, the other hovering an inch away from hers on the table, index finger stretched. Light seemed to cascade behind her head, and he was reminded of the way she’d looked last night, like there was a halo around her head, golden and iridescent. It was as if he could see the outline of her soul, and it shook him to the core, again, trembling. He was bare under her gaze; he felt like she was looking into the essence of him, weighing him, deciding his fate. He waited. He had decided what he wanted, and had spoken it to her, and so at least he had had the courage to be honest. At least, he said to himself, I was brave in the sight of her wonder.

She lifted her head a little, and the light danced off her headband adorned with moons. She looked like a queen to him in that moment; like a Waterhouse priestess, throwing gold dust and magick into the night, and he was struck by her lovely, coiled energy, her power over him. She smiled at him, and it was like the sun breaking through clouds. It was blinding, overwhelming, filling him with her brightness, the beauty that shined out of her spirit.

“Yes,” she said, her voice steady, smooth, like honey. “Yes, I will, Duncan. Yes.”

He grinned, grabbed onto her hand, leaned toward her, his joy immediate.

“On one condition.”

He stopped. “Anything, Mackenzie. Anything.”

“Be mine, too, Duncan Shepherd. Will you be mine?” A little laugh flitted through her words. He could see the joy in her eyes, and it moved him deeply.

He breathed a sigh of relief; it felt like a weight was lifting off his heart, like wings were beating inside his ribcage.

“Kenzie, yes. Yes, a hundred times, yes. I’m yours.”

-----

They were anxious to be alone together, then; Duncan ached for her, and she whispered “let’s go”, draining her wine glass, the flash of her white throat setting his nerves on edge; Duncan had hurriedly passed his Black AmEx to the waiter, who brought it back to him with a swiftness that seemed almost supernatural. The evening seemed to be pushing them toward their private rendezvous; Duncan no longer wanted anyone else to be near them. He wanted her to himself, this divine goddess who had said she would be his; he still couldn’t grasp that she had accepted him, still felt terrified she’d disappear. He wondered if that feeling would ever fade, or if he’d always feel that fear, that ache for her, already dreading the moment she would leave.

Duncan had texted Samuel and as they practically ran from the entrance of the brightly-lit facade of the buzzing brasserie, their hands clasped together tightly, not noticing the eyes of some of the diners following them this time, not caring, he was struck with relief to see the BMW quietly humming on the curb, its tinted windows reflecting the lamps along the sidewalk. He opened the door for Mackenzie, catching her in his arms for a moment, pressing his lips into the soft space between her ear and her jaw, achingly. She leaned into him, her little body folding into his arms, sucking the air from his lungs, intoxicating. Angel baby. His own. She flitted away from him, disappearing into the backseat, and he followed her eagerly; Then I must be thy lady; but I know / When thou hast stolen away from a fairy land...the line hovered in his subconscious. She was like Titania, queen of the fae, scattering gold, her laugh making flowers burst into bloom, and as he pressed into her in the backseat, the flowers bloomed in his mind and his senses as he kissed her and her little mouth opened against him, her hair tangled in his fingers.

-----

When they’d finally arrived back at his penthouse, she hushed him when he tried to press into her again, impatient for her, his arms around her back, under her shoulder blades, trying to be delicate, afraid he might break her apart with his urgency. “I want a little bit more wine, baby, get me some?” The way she said baby, into his mouth, caused heat to pool in the bottom of his stomach. “Kenzie, baby...” he groaned into her softly, he couldn’t stop. Last night felt like it had happened a hundred days ago--he was starving for her again. He shook his head a little, dizzy, loathe to let go of her.

She grabbed the sides of his velvet jacket with her little fingers; “get it for me baby, I want it,” and he loved the pout on her lips, loved it like he loved her eyelashes, her glowing cheeks, her sweet smell, her insistence. “Kiss me first,” he begged, and he knew he was begging, and he didn’t care, he was lost in her. She pressed her open mouth into his bottom lip, sucking it carefully, slowly, and he pressed his hands into her breasts, trying to hold back the rough desire he felt, the skin between held in her plunging neckline, feeling her hot skin there. “There,” she breathed, releasing him. “Now, baby, give me what I want.”

“Mhmm,” he murmured, his head swimming, letting go of her, aching. He looked back as he moved through his vast living room with its lush carpet and low leather couch, trailing his finger absently along its back, watching her watch him (with eyes ringed in gold) move into his study, where he kept an opulently stacked wine rack beside the standing bar. He pulled a Chablis Grand Cru from the middle rack of the temperature-controlled glass case (a bottle worth an absurd amount of money--at least a grand--but his head swam and he couldn’t care at all, money meant nothing to him right now next to her) and as he turned, he saw that she had followed him, boots cast aside somewhere, on soft, bare feet, into his study behind him, hair shimmering, the gold of her glimmering. She pouted. “I wanted to scare you,” she whispered, eyes glowing.

“You look like an angel,” he replied, the bottle dangling carelessly from his fingers. She smiled, turning, looking at him over her shoulder, the dress falling in the light, beautiful beyond words to him. She turned her face towards the wall that faced his desk (her hair in waves of gold); and she gasped, her eyes falling over the huge expanse of The Youth of Bacchus. She paused for a moment, staring, and then took two hesitant, soft steps toward it, clearly in awe. He came up behind her, setting the bottle to the side of his polished mahogany desk, folding his arms around her waist, nuzzling his mouth into her neck.

“Is this real?” she whispered, leaning into him.

“Yes,” he murmured, kissing under her ear, kissing the incline of her neck falling into her shoulders. “It’s real. It’s called The Youth of Bacchus. My mother gave it to me when I was 18.”

“God. Duncan. It’s so beautiful. It’s beautiful beyond words.”

“No,” he whispered into her ear, kissing it, capturing the lobe in his lips, “you are, Kenzie, you are, only you…”

He turned her face to him, kissing her deeply, his tongue in her mouth, her scent crashing into him, and his arms turned her so he could grasp her hips, and he lifted her, light as air, onto the edge of his desk, her little elegant feet suspended several feet in the air, dangling over its edge. She pressed her hands back onto its smooth surface, and he leaned into her, tasting her, hands running over her in ardent waves, whispering into her, “angel, beloved, baby” and he moved his head down, pushing up the velvet folds of her flowing dress, cut to her body like it was part of her, finding her panties (wet against her for him again, god, he loved it so much), these ones made of soft lace, and his hands pulled them off her, hurried, impatient, and he buried his mouth on her clit, sucking with urgency, and she threw her head back, “oh my god, Duncan, fuck, babyyy,” and he saw her eyes floating back and forth between him and the gigantic painting against the wall of his study, caught up in its beauty, caught up in him, and her eyes clouded with green and gold, as he worked his mouth against her, her hand finding the back of his head, holding him flush to her sweetness, and as she came, crying out with a sound that threatened to overwhelm him in the crashing wave of his desire, he saw a tear fall from her eyes, catching the low, soft light, and he thought about god again, thought that maybe there was something in the universe that had brought her to him, into his arms, and he was full of joy.

----

He led her into the bathroom, the joy still dancing in his heart, inside his blue eyes. “Keep your eyes closed,” he said, and she giggled, clutching his hand, feeling carefully along the doorway with the other one, bare feet padding onto the cold, seamless stone tiles. She stopped; he pressed the fingers of his right hand, hot with his want, along the white skin between her breasts where the dress fell down into the void of her, against her neck, thumb trailing over her bottom lip.

“Okay, baby, open them.”

She opened her eyes wide and gasped again; all along the edges of his claw-foot tub there were roses, so many roses, dozens and dozens of roses, their stems stripped of their thorns and woven together in a tapestry, all the deep carmine red of her lips last night when she’d kissed him under the night sky for the first time; handfuls of petals floated over the surface of the water, steaming into the air, and the bath itself was surrounded by white pillar candles, illuminating the otherwise-dark bathroom with a soft, melting glow. He watched her delighted face with relief; “do you like it?” he asked, unable to keep the hopeful, wistful edge from his voice.

“Oh, Duncan, I love it. I love it so much. It’s wondrous. It’s divine.”

You are, you are, you are, he thought, his mind repeating it over and over, the only prayer he ever wanted to recite. Kenzie, Kenzie, Kenzie.

He watched her, aching, in the candlelight. She gazed at him, her face aglow. “Kiss me,” she whispered. “Undress me.”

He leaned into her, desperately; his hands found the zipper at her back, pulling it down with soft urgency as she ran her fingers along his neck and his chest and against the rise of his crotch, pressing carefully and insistently. He moaned, shivering, pushing the heaven-soft sleeves down her arms, feeling her skin with his fingers, relishing the way her breasts, nipples hard, emerged from the cupped embrace of her plunging bodice, his mouth on her neck again. Her dress fell to the ground in a soft heap; she stood before him and he thought of another Bouguereau painting, its beauty flashing in his mind yet paling to her before him in the flesh, one called Evening Mood, the white-skinned nymph of twilight hovering over soft waves, her head softly turned in ecstasy, a crescent moon hanging behind her bowing head.

“You look like the moon,” he said, wonderingly, as her hands pulled at his jacket and pushed it away and her demanding fingers undid his shirt and unbuckled his belt, pulling the zipper of his pants down, pulling out his hard, aching length, her mouth open, her face looking up to him, her eyes impatient, her moon headband and black choker, hugging her neck like a lover (him, her lover) the only things she now wore. He loved that she was wearing her adorning jewelry again, like last night, as they were about to fuck; he loved the artistry of her, unpretentious, unstudied, gold and soft and starry and his, his own, for she’d accepted him, and she was his now, and he was hers, and that was all he knew and all he wanted to know. Her hands drifted over the length of his cock, languid but concentrated, and he pulled away from her touch, leading her to the steaming bathtub, the roses making way for them as he pulled her down into it with him, pulling her on top of him again, loving the feeling of her body hovering above him that way. She reached down into the hot, almost scalding water, its heat causing goosebumps to rise on both of them; gripped the length of his cock again, fingers grazing his sensitive head, her face hovering over his, her mouth almost kissing his, but not quite, her breath cascading into him and she moaned as she stroked him and he moaned into her in return, lost in her, his impossibly blue eyes falling into the night of her, “Mackenzie, baby, that feels so fucking good, you’re as beautiful as an angel, oh god, Kenzie, I love you--”, and the roses clung to the sides of her white skin, the steam that rose off the water enshrining her, and her mouth finally clashed into his, stifling his ardent admission, and he thought again that he could die and be content in the death, content because his last moments had belonged to her.

“Come for me this time, baby love, come for me, okay?” She murmured these sweet words into him, and he nodded, his brow furrowed, completely lost in her touch and her voice; she stopped the firm stroke of her hand around his hardness, and moving her hips, eased down onto him until he was buried in her, gasping, and she moved again, grinding down on him, causing him to stutter “fu-fu-uu-ckk” into her neck, against the softness of her chin, into her skin, and she said “I love you too, I’m yours baby, all yours, come for me,” and he couldn’t stop it, his release was so deep and so consuming that his moan bled into a wild cry that he tried to stifle between the space of her breasts where her dress had plunged, showing her heart to him under the shadow of her delicate bones, and he couldn’t believe that he could have ever felt so good, clutching her little body against him, her soul held in his hands this way. She was his, she had said yes, she was his, this angel, an angel, she loved him and heaven had fallen to earth, and he was holding it, her, she was heaven, heaven in his hands, heaven on his lips, heaven, heaven, heaven...

[justmenoworries]

Ho boy, that sure was....something. Look, I’ll be honest: Chapter 5 of Bendy and the Ink Machine kinda disappointed me. There were just...so many loose ends and things that flat-out didn’t make any sense?

Also, I know it’s been literal months since the release, but I really needed to get this off my chest.

(Just a heads-up: since I don’t own chapter 5 myself yet, I’m using screenshots from Jacksepticeye’s playthrough of it. You can watch the original video here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J5KnheYXreE)

1. Allison and Tom, a.k.a. “Can I have Wally!Boris back, please?”

Chapter 4 left us on a major cliffhanger with it’s final shot of another Alice (who’s name, dataminers found out, was Allison) and another Boris with a metal arm rescuing Henry from Susie!Alice. Seeing that there were good versions of the cartoon characters, like many theorists suspected, definitely hyped us up for more.

And then the Chapter 5 - trailer came up and solidified that hype by showing Henry seemingly fighting side by side with Allison!Alice. It very much looked like we were getting not one, but two new companions. The short scene  of Allison fighting the Lost Ones also followed a brief interaction between Allison and Henry that got fans to bring out the tinfoil-hats:

Allison: “Henry....why are you here?” Henry: “The Ink Demon has something we need. I’m going after him.

It sounded like we were in for an adventure of epic proportions in Chapter 5 with two new allies having our back. Definitely a welcome mix-up of the previous rather lonely chapters. What we got, however was....not that..

Chapter 5 begins with Henry being held prisoner by Allison and Tom. Since before the original release there were a bunch of tape-videos on the Meatley’s youtube-channel that implied as much, with Henry referring to Allison and Tom as his captors. So this wasn’t really a surprise. What was, however, was Allison’s and Tom’s actual roles in the overall story. Which is to say: Almost none.  Allison and Tom leave Henry to be killed by an approaching Ink Demon, only to miraculously show up out of nowhere at the end of the Sammy Mini-boss fight and the start of the Searcher/Lost Ones battle. These battles are another can of worms in and of themselves, but I’ll talk about each of them later.

Apart from the battle against the Ink Creatures and one minor obstacle later on, Allison and Tom have no real purpose in this chapter. Allison merely serves as an exposition dump for things a lot of fans had figured out already (Sammy being in charge of the Lost Ones, Ink creatures who die going back to the puddles, the writing on the walls coming from the Searchers) and Tom....Tom was kind of the worst.

For reasons that are neither implied nor explained later Tom greatly distrusts Henry at the start of the chapter. He threatens him physically whenever they so much as see each other,

denies him food behind Allison’s back

and even goes so far as to convince Allison to leave Henry to die.

This is sort of addressed by Allison’s small speech at the start in which she explains that down in the studio, strangers aren’t really “good things” and that Tom thinks that Henry is “dangerous”.

Henry: “Are you gunna let me out of here?” Allison: “Down here, strangers aren’t good things. How can we trust you?”

Henry: “Alice... please let me out of here.” Allison: “Tom thinks you’re dangerous.”

However upon further scrutiny that argument really doesn’t hold any water. When Allison and Tom first meet Henry, he has just narrowly escaped being murdered by Susie!Alice. He also makes no move to attack them or even defend himself. So what reason would they (or rather: Tom) have to think that he was dangerous? Henry isn’t an Ink creature and is obviously lucid. And furthermore, if they really distrust him that much, why save him from Susie!Alice in the first place? Why not just let her kill him and go on their way? They clearly don’t even care for him enough to at least give him a chance to escape his prison before they save their own sorry butts.

Yet for whatever reason their opinion of him does a sudden 180° right after the Sammy-fight. Tom is now somehow convinced that Henry won’t hurt them, enough to save him from Sammy

and hand him a weapon,

and Allison seems to have completely forgotten that she and Tom literally left this man for dead mere hours ago. She approaches him so nonchalantly, it’s honestly kind of insulting.

Say what you want about Wally!Boris, but even though he may have been a bit of a coward, he at least still stayed behind to help an injured Henry when the elevator collapsed - at the cost of his own life, might I add. And his presence in the story was of great importance. Thanks to him we found out a lot about how the Ink Machine works and the puddles and Ink-creatures themselves.

So companion-wise, Allison and Tom really were a bit of a downgrade.

And story-wise?

Like I said, Allison and Tom don’t actually add much to the overall story of Bendy and the Ink Machine beyond exposition. Their personalities are rather stale compared to the other characters we have met along the way. Which really is a pity, since the trailer hyped them up so much.

2. Sammy’s return a.k.a “What, that’s it?”

Sammy Lawrence has become a real fan-favorite since his debut in Chapter 2. A fact theMeatley was clearly aware of. Sammy, much like Allison and Tom, was hyped up a lot prior to chapter 5. There was whole special event involving him at the Hot Topic’s Twitter, where he answered questions while simultaneously leaving cryptic hints and implications about what was really going on. Chapter 3 had an easter-egg where you could hear his voice by playing a couple of instruments in just the right order. Due to all the fuzz made around the character, a lot of people had speculated that he might come back in a later chapter.

They would be proven right, but...well...

When Sammy did show up again he was....different. For once he had clearly undergone a voice actor-change and moved up a few nudges on the crazy scale, screeching about how the Ink Demon betrayed and abandoned him, even though he “gave him everything”.

And after a brief scuffle with Henry he just...dies again.

After all the foreshadowing, all the wink-wink-nudge-nudge done by the creators this was a really disappointing way to make Sammy come back. Much like our new “companions” Sammy doesn’t really contribute anything to the story. Not even additional lore. He shows up quite literally out of nowhere and into nowhere he also seems to vanish again. Neither Henry nor Allison refer to him or at least mention him after the fight. With as big of a role as he played in Chapter 2, you’d think Henry would make a bit more of a fuzz about the guy coming back. But he just...stays silent during the whole fight, saying nothing about Sammy’s miraculous revival or even trying to deny the accusations Sammy throws at him throughout the battle. The battle itself is incredibly confusing from a story standpoint. Sammy attacking Henry while simultaneously declaring his hatred of the Ink Demon who abandoned him comes off as more than a bit nonsensical.

If Sammy’s rage is directed at Inky!Bendy, why would he want to hurt Henry?

Does he think Henry is Bendy?

Why?

He didn’t seem to have any trouble recognizing Henry as an outsider the first time they met.

It’s even implied he remembers him to a certain extent.

Sammy: “Wait! You look familiar to me. That face...”

Perhaps the most frustrating part about this encounter, is a line of Allison’s that comes right before the group is attacked by the citizens of the Lost One’s village:

Allison: “The searchers and the Lost Ones built this place. Sammy must have been keeping them at bay. Now that he’s gone-”

This is genuinely interesting.

Not only does this confirm that Sammy was, indeed, the leader of the Lost Ones, but that their passive behavior was due to him. For whatever reason the Lost Ones and the Searchers trusted and obeyed him enough to follow his orders and under his guidance apparently even managed to built a small, safe haven for themselves.

Now that Henry and Tom killed off the person who was most likely the only slight glimmer of hope they had, they’re understandingly pretty pissed.

But just like so many other interesting plot points throughout the game, this idea just gets pushed aside.

After the team leaves the village, they never encounter either the Lost Ones or the Searchers ever again.

How much more engaging would it have been if we had actually delved into this a bit?

If we’d actually learned more about who Sammy was, how he came to be what he is by the time we find him first in chapter 2 and how and why the Lost Ones and the Searchers trusted him so much?

If we’d gotten a bit of backstory on the village and maybe the Lost Ones opinion of Sammy and what he did for them?

But alas, it was not meant to be.

Speaking of which...

3. The Lost Ones and the Searchers a.k.a ” We’ve had an axe-fight in every chapter so far and by Golly, we will have one in this chapter too!”

Yeaaah, I did not care for the battle against those guys...

I mean, the fact that Henry would end up fighting them (together with Allison) was already set in stone since the trailer showed a brief glimpse of the battle.

But the way in which it was executed....

A lot of theorists speculated that the reason the Lost Ones would attack would be because of either:

 Allison being another Alice Angel. Chapter four had already established that the Lost Ones feared and probably even despised Susie!Alice and for good reason. Susie!Alice was a homicidal maniac obsessed with beauty who had canonically murdered other Ink creatures in order to repair herself. Why wouldn’t the Lost Ones try to stay as far away from her as possible? And why wouldn’t they assume that this new Alice wouldn’t be any better in terms of personality?

The Lost Ones being part of the Bendy-cult. Also a pretty reasonable explanation, since their lair Henry finds in chapter four has the words “He will set us free” scrawled on the walls. The very same mantra Sammy Lawrence, the self proclaimed prophet of Bendy used quite frequently. As such, they’d obviously try and gain the attention of the creature they believed would save them by taking care of its enemies.

But the real reason was....a lot more tragic and disappointing.

Remember this line?

Allison: “Sammy must have been keeping them at bay. Now that he’s gone-”

This line being said right before you murder a bunch of Lost Ones and Searchers carries two incredibly problematic implications.

The first one being that Allison and Tom knew (or suspected anyway) that Sammy was the reason the Lost Ones weren’t hostile at first, yet Tom proceeded to kill him anyway instead of just knocking him out or holding him hostage.

Why would he do that if he knew him, Allison and Henry would be attacked the second Sammy dies? Is Tom just so bloodthirsty and violent that he doesn’t care about even Allison’s safety? Though considering what we’ve seen of him so far, that wouldn’t really be a surprise.

And secondly, that the Lost Ones are (or were) violent beasts that need Sammy to keep them in check and whom it’s totally okay to mercilessly slaughter. That’s... quite a bit of a contradiction to previous plot points and implications.

Let’s start with the Searchers, or rather one Searcher: Jack Fain. Jack Fain is the only non-aggressive Searcher you ever come across in the entire game. The most he ever does is steal a piece of machinery that Henry needs. And even that’s not out of malicious intent, but rather a childish way to get Henry’s attention. The way you deal with Jack is rather brutal: Since he’s too fast for Henry to catch, you lure him underneath a large crate and then crush him with it. Even Henry doesn’t feel comfortable doing this.

Henry: “Sorry I had to do that. Nice hat though.”

The tragic implication here, is that Searchers don’t necessarily have to be violent monsters. They can be self-aware enough to keep parts of their old personality. Jack only steals the gear because he wants Henry to sing with him. Why? Because Jack used to be a lyricist and singing was a thing he really loved. The most important part to remember here is that Jack did all of this himself. By the time you go after him, Sammy is nowhere in sight. And even if he was nearby, it’s highly unlikely he would order Jack to involve Henry in a pointless game of tag, since Henry is supposed to be a sacrifice to the Ink Demon. Then there’s the matter of the Lost Ones. It’s never really explained in-universe what they are and why they’re so different from the Searchers in that they have somewhat stable bodies, can talk and hide together instead of drifting aimlessly through the ink. However the game heavily implies that the Lost Ones are former workers who had the misfortune of being swept up in Joey Drew’s machinations and ending up as abominations as a result. Or put simply: they were bystanders who got transformed into monsters through no fault of their own.

When Henry encounters them in Chapter 4 they don’t....really do anything. They just stand and sit around in their hide-out, whimper and let him pass.

But come Chapter 5 they seem to have undergone a personality-change and are now just as violent as the more monstrous Searchers, even though the existence of the town and the haven clearly implies some form of intelligence beyond instinct.

The most plausible explanation for that would be rage and a desire for revenge due to Sammy’s murder but if they really cared so much for him, why didn’t they help him in his fight with Henry? Did he tell them not to? If so, why? Were they simply too scared to intervene? But they don’t seem to have any problems with fighting Allison, Tom!Boris and Henry. Wouldn’t it have made more sense if they’d ganged up on Henry when he was alone, but gotten more hesitant when Allison and Tom arrived to help him?

The point I’m trying to make is, the fight against the Searchers and the Lost Ones is incredibly out of sync with what we’ve been shown about them so far and opens up a ton of plot-holes and unfortunate implications and I really wish theMeatley had integrated it better.

4. The Ending a. k. a. “Ummm, what???”

Look, I get it: Ending a horror-game on an ambiguous, slightly ominous note is basically tradition by this point.

But come on!

Absolutely nothing about the ending in BatIm makes any sense whatsoever and it reeks of putting in a Gainax ending just for the sake of it. Apparently the whole adventure was a dream/hallucination/metaphor about how things slowly but surely went downhill in Joey Drew Studios after Henry left, but also not really, because the final scene before the credits is Henry re-entering the studio through a side door in Joey’s kitchen, seemingly having no memory of what happened before that point.

This ending was unsatisfying as hell (pun not intended).

It left the majority of the games’ mysteries unsolved, lazily slapped a Dorothy angle on the whole thing and then ended by implying the cliché of clichés: time travel. The face reveal with Joey also comes right out of nowhere. Joey is just...there.He goes on a bit about how Henry was always the one who kept him from doing stupid shit (like sacrificing people) and running the company into the ground, laments how unkind time has been to him and ends his tangent with an enigmatic remark about how Henry “should have pushed a little harder” and that he should “visit the old workshop”. Cue the above described time-travel implication.

And then there’s an after-credit scene where we learn that

1. Henrys’ last name is ‘Stein’ (haha, get it?)

2. Additionally to being a dream/hallucination/metaphor BatIm’s plot is also apparently a bedtime story that Joey’s telling a little girl who calls him “Uncle Joey”

3. There is a second Ink Machine in Joey’s real-life home for....whatever reason.

This all kinda looks like pure sequel hook. Which is incredibly fishy and disappointing.

Overall, I loved Bendy and the Ink Machine as a game. The story was engaging (at least in chapters 1-4) and the characters apart from maybe a few were entertaining.

But chapter 5 just...doesn’t sit well with me.

[awkward-and-fluffy]

Important little post for those who are still following me and wondering where I’ve gone...

I’ve obviously lost interest in Tumblr over these past couple of years. I’m not that active here anymore and a lot has been going on in my life anyhow.

If anyone wants to keep up with me on social media, I’m on Twitter the most! And I’ve actually gotten myself comfortable with doing Twitch streams as of May 2018. It feels like a great accomplishment for me to overcome most of my public speech fears through that!

Aside from getting into streaming, I managed to finish enough of my website for it to be hosted! I put a lot of money into that, but it’ll last about 2 years. :’D

Sooo...

My Twitter: https://twitter.com/WolfKat777

My Twitch: https://www.twitch.tv/wolfkat7

My Website: https://wolfkatworks.com/

Sometime soon I’ll be able to complete the HTML/CSS tutorial pages for my website, but it wasn’t possible to get it launched ASAP when those pages take the longest to put together. I’m not sure when I can get them done yet, but I hope it’ll be before Tumblr completely crashes and burns... I need my old tutorials on this blog to reference back to for how I organized everything. There are lots of mistakes to fix and new screenshots to take for better lesson examples, etc.

But yeah, a lot’s been going on. I’ve been trying to search for a new job (with no luck yet), managed to reach Affiliate on Twitch by some miracle, various family issues took place, my dad had to get heart surgery, etc.

Before going to a read more, if you don’t quite want to read a big wall of text or are scared of reading any medical topics (I get that), I’ll provide my thanks and more right here.

It’s been awesome to meet all the people I have on here - mostly through Gravity Falls! Writing and replying to theories was such a freakin blast, no matter how ridiculous things would get at times. Granted, I don’t like Tumblr itself as a social media platform and community if I’m brutally honest... However, I still had a little good come from this regardless of my bitterness from my old account before this one.

To you old mutuals of mine, and some of you old pals, keep being awesome! I hope you’re doing well in life; and if not, I hope for things to improve. Fight a good fight, but be careful in picking those fights. Life’s worth living and all that cliche junk that may or may not have much affect on you as motivating advice. 

This all goes to my general base of followers too if any of them come across this post. Thank you guys for following this dumb blog and enjoying and sharing so many of my fun posts for Gravity Falls! The show is still super important to me, and my all time favorite cartoon to exist. Whether you sent asks, replied, reblogged, or simply liked, all of that was awesome in its own way. Having discussions on the series is one of the best memories I’ll have on this most often unbearable website! (I hope that doesn’t sound too insulting or generalizing about this site...)

And thank you for anyone who enjoyed the rest of my content here, and bearing with any personal ramblings I may have had on some bad days.

It’d be cool to come across anyone here again in the near future, but at some other online platform. I’ve provided my active links above, so feel free to find me elsewhere if you want.

Goodbye to you all, and have a great rest of 2019 and beyond!

This new year is also already off to a very... Surreal and terrifying start. In case you haven’t already checked my Twitter from the time of this post to see what I wrote there, I got a severe case of my rapid heartrate and ended up hospitalized rather than stuck in Urgent Care on its own. Just 3 weeks ago, I was in UC from a less severe but still terrifying rapid heart rate that woke me up at 5am and wouldn’t calm the heck down.

I know it seems weird to include this following story for my “farewell, Tumblr” post, but I think it’ll help give some interesting record of closure here. I’ve had personal posts and ramblings on this blog about my cardiac terrors and fears. I don’t recall exactly what I’ve written here, but maybe it’d be interesting for me to search for any of those posts again to kinda look back on those thoughts...

It’s been a few years since I’ve had a bad case of rapid heartrate... In fact, I remember writing about that experience back then here on my blog too. I was put on a heart monitor for only 3 days and yeah. Of course 3 days wasn’t enough to catch anything significant... So my heart issue was still freakin shrouded in mystery and only ever connected to my anxiety/panic disorder.

Welp, I was put on a heart monitor again just last week and I requested for it to last 30 days. Lo and behold, about 8 days later, my most severe case occurred and my monitor recorded a 250bpm max rate... This monitor is linked to cellular wifi thankfully, so the company got alerted of it and called my local UC to take me in and then called the house for my mom to answer and help drive me there. (Some moments before leaving home, my heartrate went back down to the 140′s or so, but still really bad and wouldn’t return to normal.)

In UC, I had to get X-Rays as well, but I have no idea what they found from ‘em? I wasn’t really told what they resulted with... I’ll have to ask sometime.

However, with everything going on and not even medication getting my heartrate back to normal, I was moved into a hospital shortly after my stay in UC. That was my first time ever being in an ambulance.

At the hospital, I got more blood tests done, more EKGs, all that stuff. There was also talk of me needing a uh... An ablation procedure. Then later that night, a cardiologist visited me and explained that I FINALLY got a confirmation on my issue. I’ve waited 10 years for answers on why my heart would be like this... Ugh. I’m relieved, but also frustrated it took that long to figure it out, y’know?

At this point, I didn’t have the name of the condition, but I was feeling more at peace when the cardiologist mentioned this condition isn’t life-threatening and doesn’t increase my risks of heart disease. The most common issue of it is how disruptive it is, and some other symptoms it can induce (dizziness,fatigue, etc.) Gosh, that cleared away so many worries and questions I had throughout these years.

But yeah, it’s something that people are just born with and it causes a faulty circuit or two in the heart giving it weird signals at times. Stuff like that. Those with the condition have a chance to never have symptoms of it, while others start showing symptoms between 11 - 50 years old. Mine started showing when I was 13, so that was... Great.

The only way to most likely treat it, is through an ablation... And that’s where things get really scary. I’ve always had nightmares about needing heart surgery, or my heart getting shot by bullets, etc. Like, that’s how bad I felt from never knowing what’s wrong with my vital organ.

My other option was medication, but it wouldn’t be guaranteed to help by itself. Afterall, I’ve had a few times in UC throughout my life where these meds didn’t help much if at all. They also figured it’d be good to get this procedure done the earlier the better, since it can be much more complicated if I were to have it done at an older age.

-big siiigh- After spending my first night there, yep, I’ve had that done. I don’t want to describe it ‘cause it was a terrifying experience, but I hope it helps in the end. I indeed had a faulty circuit they found, and they uh... Did what had to be done.

After I was sent back to my room, the cadiologist returned and gave me the name of my condition. Of ALL THINGS, it’s “Wolff-Parkinson-White Syndrome” or “WPW Syndrome” for short. Despite all the straight-up trauma I’ve had, I guess in a way I can kinda thank God for the bit of humor?? (For context, I developed an interest in wolves and werewolves during my teens and loving them about as much as cats...)

I was keeping my closest friends up to date on this through my phone during all this too. I kinda knew what I’d get myself into when revealing the name of my diagnosis to them... But the friendly teasing (such as “wow, so you DO have a wolf’s heart!”) cheered me up. I’m just really thankful for my friends for keeping me company even if only possible through online chat. And despite my conflicts with my mom, she stayed by me and helped me, spending nights in the hospital with me and all that stuff. I would’ve been so much more terrified and - errgh, for lack of better words - heart broken. Being all alone without someone I know being nearby during these types of things, regardless of how much I like being alone, is stressful. I would’ve otherwise only had doctors and nurses, but they’d come in and out and not always be in the room.

So, my heart needs to adjust to this, and the recovery is a little scary at times too. I’m pulling through the best I can, using guidance from my doctors. They had me stay one more night, and as of yesterday, I’ve been able to return home. Gotta spend a week relaxing and healing up, keeping up with certain medications to help, and so on.

With all that said, and for those who read this entire mess of a thing, see you all elsewhere!