#Definitely stayed because of Jesper

[averagewriter-inthedark]

The Doctor's Wife 💘 | Carlisle Cullen Imagine

Set during the events of Twilight (2008)

Twilight Masterlist

Characters & Pairings: Carlisle Cullen x female!vampire!reader (romantic), Bella Swan x Edward Cullen, Edward Cullen x reader (platonic)

Content warnings: fluff, light angst, suggestive themes right at the end | female reader (she/her) | wc: 3.5k

requested 📥 yes/no

Premise: When Edward introduces Bella to his family after weeks of avoiding the inevitable, there was no telling how it was going to go down. Of course, what does one expect when they bring their girlfriend over for the first time…. except it's to a family of animal blood-sucking vampires who's lives each deserve a biography of their own. Bella felt the pressure of making a great impression, but the nerves seemed to heighten in regard to meeting the woman responsible for raising Edward throughout his undead life. The woman whose soul was bonded to none other than the Cullen patriarch.

--------------------------

Over a hundred years walking the Earth and Edward still experienced the universal feeling of cringe and embarrassment. This time, at the hands of none other than his family as he introduced him to the girl who’d captured his undead heart and made it hard for Edward to stay away. 

“Alright, um,” he swallowed, placing a gentle hand on Bella’s back to nudge her in the direction of the staircase. Away from the prying eyes of his siblings and Carlisle after Alice had to say, ‘Oh, you do smell good,’ and Jesper was literally fighting for his life to keep it together. “Where’s Y/n?”

“In her studio,” Carlisle replied with a smile, the mention of his wife bringing a warmth to his chest. “She’s working on a project and can definitely use a break. She’s been excited to meet Bella since you mentioned bringing her over.” 

Bella blushed, the nerves resurfacing at meeting another member of the Cullen family. The matriarch at that. Edward’s adoptive mother and Carlisle’s wife. 

“Thanks,” Edward turned on his heel, leading Bella in the opposite direction. Mumbling a short goodbye, she followed the vampire down the corridor, past the staircase and a living space before stopping in front of a wooden door. 

Before he knocked, Edward put a comforting hand on Bella’s shoulder, “Calm down,” his teeth sparkled against the light, eyes teasing. “Your heartbeat is out of control.”

“Sorry,” she flushed again, cursing at herself. She didn’t understand why she was so nervous to meet Y/n. More so than the rest of his family. Maybe it was because Edward spoke so highly of her. Maybe it was because she saw the way Carlisle lit up at the mere mention of her name. Or how the townspeople praised Y/n, even if they only had one interaction. 

Edward went to knock, but this time was interrupted by a voice calling out from the other side, “Come in!” Smiling, he pushed open the door, revealing a large room in what only could be described as an organized disarray. 

Bella’s jaw slightly dropped, taking in the scene before her. Eyes first darting to the high ceilings with a drop-down chandelier. Though it wasn’t on, thanks to the natural light provided by the left side of the room with floor to ceiling windows where a wall should’ve been. A beautiful, perfect view of the forest surrounding the home. 

The walls were painted a rusted burnt red, the kind you see in art museums. Floors made of the finest dark wood, with one area covered by plastic reserved for protecting it by the paint cans laying on top, beside an easel holding a large canvas. A very large, vintage clock took the center of the wall connected to the window, surrounded by pieces ranging from old signs to shelves holding books and plants. 

On the main wall parallel to the windows, a map of the world hung, flanked by art pieces. Portraits, landscape. Various mediums of pencil, oils, and acrylic. A phone straight from the 1930s mounted above a small table covered by messy stacks of paper. Bella’s eyes drew to a woven basket that came probably to her waist, filled with pieces of rolled parchment. A few laid on the ground. A foot away from it was a cart holding art supplies. 

Finally, Bella’s gaze landed on the figure in the center of the room. Y/n sat on a wooden stool, her posture perfect, hand scribbling across a large piece of parchment placed on the wooden desk facing the windows. The desk was the type that propped up, a lamp attached to the corner, and side table. Something an artist or engineer invested in. 

“I thought I heard the raging pump of a heartbeat approaching.” Bella squeezed her eyes shut in embarrassment, letting out a small groan. Opening them when she heard the skid of the stool against the floor. 

“Y/n,” Edward scolded, tone playful. 

“Apologies, I couldn’t help myself,” Y/n chuckled, approaching the two with a wide smile. Bella held her breath, admiring the woman before her. Alice may have been the fashion girlie of the family, but there was no denying who she must’ve gotten it from. 

Y/n made even the simplest of clothing look ethereal. White blouse tucked into beige trousers, brown belt with hints of gold, paired with stunning white heeled boots. The necklaces she wore were layered, the longest of which had several charms making them clink together, bracelets covering her wrists, three rings on each hand, and gold hoops. A multicolor scarf consisting of warm tones like red, orange, and yellow tied around her hair. Then of course, her eyes were melting gold. 

She was the picture of an artist. 

Upon closer inspection, Bella had to hold back a whistle at the ring reserved for her left ring finger. Carlisle sure had taste and made sure his lady got what she deserved. That was no ring. That was a rock.

“You must be the famous Bella,” Y/n’s hand shot out, Bella hesitating a moment before taking it. Y/n’s handshake was soft yet firm at the same time. Bringing a chill to Bella as their skin met. “It is truly a pleasure to meet you,” letting go of her hand, Y/n brought both of hers up to make a gesture. “I have been begging Edward to bring you around for weeks. I don’t know why it’s taken him so long,” a playful glare was directed at him. 

Edward rolled his eyes, then put an arm around Bella. “Bella, this is Y/n. My mother for all intents and purposes. Artist, architect, and occasional therapist to all of us emotionally stunted immortal teenagers.”

“You said it, not me,” Y/n smirked, hands raised again. 

Bella laughed, comforted by Edwards touch as she regarded Y/n. “It’s really nice to meet you, Y/n. Edward talks about you all the time.”

“Good things, correct?”

“Of course,” Bella assured, nudging Edward who had scoffed. “He mentioned you designed this house--it’s absolutely beautiful. And this--,” motioning to the space, Bella was again in awe of Y/n’s studio. It’s like she was walking through an exhibit in the Louvre. “Wow.”

“When I made the blueprints for this house, I wanted everyone to have a place--plus everyone was vocal about what they wanted,” she teases with a grin. “Carlisle has his study, Alice her closets, Rosalie wished for a garage, Jesper desired a library, Emmett a game room, Edward got his music room. And me,” a hand waves to the room with pride. “My studio.”

Bella raised an intrigued brow, aimed at Edward, “you have a music room?” 

Had he been human, Edward would have blushed. He brushed it off with a shrug, “Yeah, it’s just where I keep a few instruments. I’ll show you as we go through the house.”

“A few,” Y/n lightly scoffed, earning a small glare from the boy. 

“Carlisle said you’re working on a project,” he changed the subject, nudging his head toward the desk. Catching sight of the blueprints that were in the early draft stages. 

“The high school plans to renovate the library, so they’ve asked me to go over some plans and designs. They were pleased with my work for the gym last year.” 

Edward turns to Bella, “Y/n has the magic touch for designing and constructing. And because we’ve had the time to redo college over and over again….” They share a laugh, “she’s got degrees in art, engineering, design, and business on top of her architecture education.”

The woman simply shrugs, “I like to keep busy. Who wouldn't want to take advantage of obtaining all the world’s knowledge when you have eternity.” If she saw the pointed look Edward was giving her, Y/n ignored it. 

“Anyway,” He sighed, returning his attention to Bella, “The town comes to her for consultations. And, in most cases than often, she designs and oversees the build.”

“Wow, that’s amazing,” Bella awed, past Edward’s shoulder she spotted the white construction worker's hat. Propped beside a coat hanger possessing a pair of overalls, scarves, and painters' boots. “Did you-,” her finger pointed to the display of artwork, “paint all those?”

“Several, yes,” Y/n motioned them to follow her, moving closer to the wall. “This one you might have guessed is the view of the forest from this room. The first one I did when we moved here. But not all are recent, some I did in the 90s--,” she pointed to a canvas framed with gold trimming near the top. Depicting an image of inside a medical tent, “That one is from when I volunteered for the Army Nurses Corps.”

Bella’s eyes bulged, glancing between Y/n and Edward. “You--you served during the War?” 

Y/n nodded, expression now solemn, “First World War. We were living in Virginia at the time and therefore injured soldiers coming back from Europe docked at the bases there first. Carlisle was the trauma surgeon, and I was a nurse.” Her boots echoed against the wood as they strolled down. “We stayed there the duration of the war before settling in Chicago….”

“How long before he wakes up?”

“Not long,” Carlisle kept his eyes on the unconscious boy while his wife paced behind him. Had they been able to sweat they would’ve been drenched. “The venom transferred from his neck. The closest I could get to his heart--it should take less than a day.”

Y/n ran a hand through her neatly styled hair in distress. They’d only been in Chicago a few months. Arriving when the War ended and immediately joining the effort to combat the Spanish Influenza spreading through the population. With their current predicament, there was no way they could stay.  

Ripping the nurses cap off, she asked, “What’s our next move then? We can’t stay here. This city is an endless potluck of people, and we don’t know how strong his urges will be,” she stopped pacing, coming beside her husband with a pleading gaze. “I know you said his parents are dead, but that doesn't mean he may not have family who’ll come looking for him. What kind of people are we to rip him from the ones who love him?” Upon the look she received, Y/n dropped her head, “Unless you mean to fake his death.” 

Carlisle placed a comforting hand on her shoulder, “The boy had the influenza. They saw his condition--it was deteriorating. They’ll believe it took him in the night and his body was sent to the incinerators. Just like the others.”

Y/n sniffed, eyes welling with unshed tears. “I know, but…” she trailed off, “He’s a kid, Carlisle. We agreed that when it came time for us to save someone from death, it would not mean robbing them of their life--.”

“He was dying, Y/n,” his tone was firm, yet gentle. “I promised his mother we’d look after him.” Eyes flicker to Edward, then back to Y/n. While Carlisle hated himself for what he’d done, there was no going back now. “He’s our responsibility now. We’ve to teach him the ways of this life and make sure he copes with it. Not succumb to the darkness like we did.” 

Another sound left her, Y/n taking a moment to process before nodding. “Okay,” she whispered, keeping her voice steady. “We take this day-by-day.”

“Day-by-day.” 

“That’s when Edward….” Bella trailed, biting her lip when she realized it wasn’t the best idea to bring it up. Yet, she was surprised both the vampires nodded, understanding her implication. Instead, she said, “He mentioned you’ve been with Carlisle the longest….”

Like earlier with the doctor, Y/n visibly brightened at each time his name was said. “Will be two hundred years this fall.”

“Two--two hundred??” The human spluttered. Edward had failed to tell her that information. Only saying the two had been together long before Carlisle saved him. 

Chuckling at Bella’s reaction, Y/n tucked a piece of stray hair back in its place. “The vampire who bit me didn’t stick around. Abandoning me. A few days later of endless wonder and unable to control my newfound appetite, Carlisle found me.” Her smile was so wide, bright white teeth bouncing off light. “It’s been quite a life ever since.” 

They spent the next few minutes learning about the history of each painting. From the oil masterpiece of the New York Skyline to the charcoal portrait of Joan of Arc. Bella took time to admire the watercolor image of Carlisle. Donned in his white coat, hair and posture perfect. 

“Ah yes,” Y/n hummed, beaming up at the canvas. “My personal favorite. Though I’m a little biased given the muse of this piece happens to be the muse of my soul.” 

“Stay still.”

“I am.” 

“No, you’re not,” Y/n berated, dipping the brush back into the golden color before continuing to paint Carlisle’s hair. “I know this is time consuming, darling, but it’s not like you haven’t done it before.” 

“In my defense,” his hand raised, quickly putting it back in his lap when she groaned, “I’ve never technically sat for a portrait. The ones from Volterra were done while I wasn’t aware they were being painted.” A grimace took his features, remembering his time with the Volturi. “Aro preferred moments to be captured as they were happening in real time.”

Y/n threw him a look, shaking her head in the process. “Yeah, he seems like the type.” 

“First and last time he got to play model,” she laughed at the memory. “Thanks to the creation of the camera I could develop a photograph and wallah!” her hands made a gesture, “A still image to use as reference. And now with cell phones….I don’t even have to put in the work to develop the photo. It’s right there!”

Initially Bella found her reaction to a camera phone a little odd. But then remembered Y/n was a 200+ year old vampire and literally witnessed the development and advancement of technology. 

“But I don’t always create,” Y/n winked, stopping in front of a stunning work of a lily pond. “Sometimes I collect.”

Stepping closer, Bella inspected the art, finger on her lip as her brows furrowed in concentration. She’d seen it before. The familiarity of it was driving her brain into overdrive. Then it hit her, breath hitching, “Is that…A Monet?” Her confirmation nod made Bella nearly choke on her saliva. “How--?”

“Being alive 226 years and getting the privilege of traveling anywhere means I’ve had the pleasure of meeting interesting people,” her smirk was the type a movie villain showed that made the audience fall in love with them and brush away the fact they were a villain. A captivating sight. “One of those people happened to be Claude Monet during our time in France. Our shared love for art and nature brought a great friendship. I was actually with him when he painted this,” she casually said, aware of Bella’s astonished reaction despite her eyes trained on the canvas. “Unfortunately, Carlisle and I left before I got to see him finish. After he died several of his paintings went to museums or auctioned off. I made sure to acquire this one--took me about three years to find.”

After a moment of gawking, Bella gathered herself and moved onto the next piece. It really felt like they were in an art museum. Soon they came to the end of the gallery. 

“You’re incredibly talented,” Bella praised, unable to take her attention off the marble sculpture enclosed in a glass case by the small bookshelf. 

“Thank you. It’s nice to finally have someone to show this all too. Instead of just me admiring it daily.” Y/n put her hands in pockets, “Now I hate to kick you out, but if you’ll excuse me, I have a deadline to beat,” Y/n led them to the door, “and I’ll let you get back to your tour of the house. It was lovely to meet you, Bella, and please don’t be a stranger. Our door is always open for you.” 

“I really appreciate it,” Bella smiled, standing beside Edward in the doorway, “It was great meeting you too.” A wave of a goodbye and promise to visit again, Y/n watched Edward escort his girlfriend up the staircase to the second floor. Leaning against the side, Y/n touched a finger to her lips, not bothering to hide the giant grin surfacing. 

“I know that look.”

Despite speaking after Bella and Edward disappeared, Y/n felt Carlisle’s presence the second he breached the corridor. Not to mention the tingling sensation at the base of her spine. 

Slowly turning to face him, her smile widened, and Carlisle saw the way her golden hues sparkled when he approached. “And what exactly is that look?”

“The one where you’re overcome with happiness unable to be measured with how much it consumes you.” 

Hands took hold of her shoulders, gently brushing down until they reached her own, Y/n leaning into his touch, voice teasing, “What mother would I be to not be overjoyed for her son and the wonderful girlfriend he’s brought home?” 

Carlisle chuckled, tilting his head down to place a kiss on her forehead. The floral aroma of her Marc Jacobs perfume amplified her already sweet scent. Oh, how addicted he was to her scent. It was like walking through a garden of the most beautiful flowers on Earth. 

“You didn’t embarrass him, did you?”

Y/n rolled her eyes, tapping his chest to scold him, “Not much more than you lot. He was practically dragging Bella out of the kitchen.” Carlisle raised his hands in defense, making her raise a brow.

“That was all the kids. I’m innocent, my dear, you must believe me.” 

She tsked, “Well, at least you didn’t scare the poor girl like Rosalie and Jasper. And as much as I love Alice’s excitement, you might want to tell her to take it down a notch,” Y/n made a face, “I thought we all agreed last night not to bring up Bella’s scent.”

She was met with a sigh, her sculptured-God of a husband dropping his head onto her shoulder in defeat. “What was I supposed to do? You left me to fend for myself.” 

Laughing, Y/n reached her arms around his shoulders, encasing him in an embrace to which he greatly accepted. “I’m sorry, my love. Will you forgive me? I promise to find you the finest stag in all of Washington for you to feast upon.” Instantly his head shot up, moving it so their noses brushed against each other. 

“That’ll do.” Their lips met, igniting fireworks throughout their bodies as it always had for 200 years. Never once losing the feeling. 

They’d seen everything in the course of their century's long life. Several wars. Epidemics. The fall of countries and rise of new ones. Medicine advancing, technology overtaking man. The race to space and the rebirth of the Olympic Games. 

Met people who’d changed the world. Witnessed humanity evolve--and sometimes wondered how the hell it could be so stupid. But overall, they were the stagnant figures in their plane of existence. Time moving, they remained still.

And yet, somehow, they were able to find a family after all. 

When they pulled apart, their expressions of love remained. “God,” she hummed, “That never gets old.”

“Just like the first time?” He chafed, gold eyes glimmering.

Y/n pretending to think, lips pouting, “Less nervous,” a squeal escaped her at the feeling of his fingers tickling her ribcage. Shoving him away, the woman chided, “Get back to the hospital old man. There are patients to be seen, and I have a deadline to finish.” The gasp that left him made her grin.

“Old?! I’ll have you know that if I’m old then that means you are---.”

“Don’t you finish that sentence,” her finger pointed at his chest, “otherwise you’re sleeping on the couch.” Carlisle smirked, entering her personal space once again. 

“I can’t sleep. Neither can you.”

“Damn,” she exhaled, feigning defeat when really, she was becoming more invested with their little game. “You’re right.” Then her eyes turned dark, sinister. Face consorting to a look that made Carlisle shudder. 

A look he’d seen hundreds of times, and not once did not bring a chill to his already cold body. Enough to bring his heart back to life. Enough to send the frozen blood down to his spine. 

“Guess we’ll have to find another way to pass the time.” 

[she-posts-nerdy-stuff]

Rewatching Shadow and Bone so here are some of my favourite little details that I haven’t seen loads of people talk about (this is almost definitely just part 1 so stay tuned)

The bird cage in Heleen’s office

The masks on stalls in the Ketterdam streets, including Komedie Brute masks, what look like the Jackal masks, and what I believe might have been a sun summoner mask

The song that Ravkan soldiers in Mal’s unit sing whilst they march in s1e4 is the Kerch drinking song Nina sings for Inej on the boat in Six of Crows

Matthias’ hesitation before saying “I feel nothing for you” and Nina replying “then I guess that makes you good at your job” is SO reflective of Matthias’ realisation that Brum didn’t have to drown the good parts of himself to do terrible things the way Matthias always did; Matthias had grown to admire Brum for what he believed was the ability to silence the good in himself in order to do what “must be done” because he found that so difficult to do, and acknowledging that Brum didn’t find those things difficult the way he did was one of the most important moments of being able to separate himself from the Drüskelle beliefs and begin to understand that what he went through was actually abuse and what’s implied to be at least similar to Stockholm Syndrome (I’ve written at length about this and if I get going I’ll never stop, so if anyone wants to know more lemme know and I’ll tag you in my post about it)

“Pomdrakon Players”, the group the Crows join to infiltrate the Little Palace, references Ravkan desert “Pomdrakon” where you soak raisins in brandy then set them on fire and try to grab them in the dark that Nina tells Matthias about on the ice

This isn’t an observation I just thought you’d all like to know that when I was watching the map room scene in episode 4 every time Alina said ‘Aleksander’ I repeated her in a stupid voice, which was really unfair to Alina because she doesn’t know but it was a genuine reaction and I stand by it because screw the Darkling

The comment that the Fjerdans don’t mark ash tress because they’re scared, I love that. I wonder if they pray when they mark trees, like they do when they cut them down? I personally got the impression that all trees were precious but ash trees were sacred when I read the book

The valve to turn out the lights in the Royal Archives Heist because all the lighting is gas powered!! Like I know this probably was just a thing we knew without really thinking about but it’s also really cool in that it reminds us about the class difference between the Crows and the others since, at least in the books, gas lighting isn’t as common to the Barrel as candles and bone lights are but is implied to be more common among the Merchants

Also not an observation but “you’re the quarter master, aren’t you?” “Yep” *wallop* will never not be hilarious and iconic

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: the costume department for this show were goddamn miracle performers thank you for your service. I’ve banged on about the symbolism in the costumes before so I won’t now, but I have really only talked about s2 so I guess if you want more I could talk about s1

“No guns” *walking past Jesper* “no knives” *walking past Inej* “no weapons of any kind” *wait where’s Kaz* will always be fabulous

I genuinely have no idea how they did the Tailoring on Alina’s hair when Genya first does it for her but it is incredible like I don’t know exactly what changed but it just… I don’t know, it’s amazing

[hauntedfictionland]

Being their emotional support person —

☾︎✰❛❀ Shadow and bone characters x gn!reader

Includes/warnings: light mentions of PTSD, injuries, slightly stalkerish behaviours and implied romance.

🪐notes: i sort of recently got into Shadow and Bone and oh boy I'm absolutely in love, the plotlines, music, and characters are so beautifully done. I do truly hope that Netflix renews it back.

— I. KAZ BREAKER

(♥︎^⁠_^♥︎)

You and Kaz went back quite a long time as far back as the time his brother died with his innocence. You went through that together, from the sidelines you watched him change drastically, grow into a man whose name was rather feared than loved.

Kaz doesn't admit it, but he relies on you a lot. He knows the harshness he's put upon you everyday isn't new by now, but still unwelcomed. It stings him. You almost get treated the same as any other crow, if not for the times where you'd hold his upper arm in an act of comfort when needed.

And he'd let you. ♡

You're not the most significant part of the group, or the strongly important. But you can be useful enough in his words to ‘stay’, definitely not because Kaz wants you there by his side as he's always had most of his life.

Or so what he insists.

He looks upon you along with every plan of heists, a wordless query of help. It does not look like it, but your opinions and suggestions matter to him more than you'll ever know.

And when you need a favor, he's all yours. Jesper would sometimes find him doing questionable things for a man like Kaz's taste, when he'd ask it always goes a simple “Y/N asked for this”.

When Kaz is faced with his past, especially if without black gloves he has used as a shield—he won't come to you. The most would be handing his gloves back.

But after the worst is gone, he'll slowly reach out to you. Sitting beside you, head leaning on your shoulder. That is the moment he wants the most, support to get back to the daily life.

He needs you.

Needing anything is a weakness surely but he truly never considered you his, without you he'd actually fall apart with the absence of the power to get back again. You're his strength. His support, his person.

You're his, and he's yours.

— II. INEJ GHAFA

(♥︎^⁠_^♥︎)

Inej doesn't really feel comfortable relying on a lot of people, anyone for that matter. Yet when it comes to you it almost seems so effortless. Perhaps that's the effect you have on her.

Kaz brought you in a while ago when he was in desperate need of a healer.

When she saw you the first time, you seemed shy to the point of not even being able to hold eye contact. However as time slowly passed on you spend way more time with Inej than anyone else as she tended to get herself in all sorts of trouble.

Inej would find herself looking at you often, wondering how the alignment of your lips to the sharpness of jaw could ever be so perfect.

She started to let a few things of her past out here and there while you'd bandage her, careful enough to never reach the tip of the surface.

Bit by bit, it turned into a habit. Only now she would come to you herself and open up even when there was no scar or injury on her.

Something about the way you listened so tentatively with soft eyes that held no judgement, your words which grasped onto the feelings she couldn't seem to comprehend and your affection, all of it pulled her in.

And she could not let go.

Sometimes Inej feels a bit guilty, how you're always there yet she isn't. She wants to know about you, your interests, your fears, your life. And she wants to help. In that sense she feels worse.

She's the wraith, she's never been scared of anyone. Yet Inej feels herself becoming powerless the moment she looks at you.

And that'll be the death of her.

— III. ALECSANDER KIRIGAN

(♥︎^⁠_^♥︎)

Much like Kaz, Kirigan is not the most reliable at showing affection. But he does know very clearly the way you've helped him will not go unnoticed or unappreciated.

Rather unexpectedly, even as a grisha on his team you've somehow managed to slip into the cracks of his facade. The demeanor he held.

After Alina fled, he wasn't in the calmest mind. And sensing you just hold him without a single word, a hand soothing his shoulder with a wave of your magic spreading around him. He in the longest while felt peace alongside tranquillity in just a few minutes.

With him in your arms, you gave him a sense of assurance without ever putting them into words.

Kirigan keeps you absolutely spoiled. He tells the extravagant jewelries and fancy wines are gestures of reward for your exertion which he'd give to anyone who'll work just as hard. Except that in truth he feels he owes you a great deal whenever his emotional hard times are mended because of you.

And it's his way of showing the utmost appreciation, almost affection you've placed in his heart for you.

The fact that you don't judge or mock, even think of him as ‘weak’ for not being the powerful general everyone sought out to be has him in a chokehold.

He thinks about you, and every one of your encounters has him thinking for weeks. Each and single one. Soley, it does come off as any surprise when Alecsander sets at least one grisha protector to watch you. Your safety is his utmost priority and even perhaps to know a little details about you and the people you talk with.

Which you don't need to know about whatsoever.

The time he revealed his true self to you, he was very much afraid that was the way he'll lose you. You'd see the monster his mother claims him to be and run far away. But instead when you embraced his dark side with a glint in your eyes, he knew you had him whipped in a tight hold.

— IV. ALINA STARKOV

(♥︎^⁠_^♥︎)

You first saw Alina when Zoya sent her flying across the field. Rather before that, eyes stealing glances on you.

She knew who you were, the great earth summoner. And as per who she was, Alina felt inclined to meet you. Her newly found peers brought her upon you, and when you turned to face her, Alina was quite at a loss for words.

Wonderstruck.

You seemed far much greater than she imagined, and oh she had a lot to learn from you.

Alina found you on many occasions, tried to as best she could. Questions about your powers, her powers, and secrets of the little palace. You gave them all, heart smiling fondly at her genuine curiosity.

You'd discover yourself sitting beside her, on the floor with backs leaning against the wooden bookshelves. Walks around the little palace or the library, you were growing much closer with her as the days passed.

Sometimes a word or two would slip out of her missing a certain Mal, and the camp of the first army. She would close them, a bit scared of your thoughts that is before you assure her. That whatever is was held in her heart, she could absolutely come to you.

And came she did.

You and her would spend hours under the night sky, hearing her stories of the orphanage—worries she held about herself, and Mal. Either way Alina was sure you were her answer.

The way you'd given her a tiny beam of grin, hands grazing over hers. Talking conclusions she could barely listen when her focus was your lips. A connection she felt that was electrifying.

Alina believed it was because of your power as the Earth, and her's as the Sun summoner. However in that, a deeper part of her knew something was more than that.

A single time someone referred you as her Earth summoner, the mere prospect of that—even when she knew the other meant it in no harm, drove her crazy.

The time after you comforted her about the troubles she held about Mal, sincere yet bittersweet smile on your lips. You knew she had feelings for the boy, a thought that made your gut wrench for a reason you didn't acknowledge.

When you asked her that, Alina's eyes gazed at yours before she pulled her lips on yours in return so softly you could only hum.

You were hers alright.

[axiomsend]

hi! can i please request a kaz brekker x reader fic based off of episode 5 of season 2 (despise your heart)? when kaz panics in the market reader finds him and takes him somehwere safe and gives him his gloves, and in that moment kaz kinda of realizes how he feels about the reader. and then the poison fog the reader hallucinates about kaz and him finally making physical contact and giving her love and she thinks it’s real until someone shoves the antidote in her mouth, once she regains consciousness she rushes over to help kaz and kaz sees her pulling him out of the water and the readers just sitting there holding his face and anything else you wanna add !

if it’s a little complicated i understand, thank you have a great day :))

You were always in plain sight

❀ Word Count: 2,145 ❀ CW: Panic Attack, Discussions of Trauma, Pining, Admissions ❀ A/N: Added a few more scenes than requested. I hope you enjoy!

He’s going to panic, you think to yourself. 

In fact, his body was already panicking, even if he wasn’t. Nina is too focused on the target's heart rate to notice, but Kaz’s heart rate has been slowly increasing ever since he took off the gloves.

You watch as the woman they were meeting with gets up, and Kaz goes to follow. Unfortunately, another woman immediately runs into him, spilling tea all over the front of him, and definitely accidentally touching him.

“Give me his gloves,” You whisper to Inej.

She hands them over silently. You put on your own set of gloves, a pair you keep on you in the event something like this happens. 

Nina places her hand on top of Kaz’ and you watch the life drain from his face. And then he’s running.

“You follow the target. I’ve got him.” You say. 

It doesn’t take you long to catch up to him, but by then he’s already completely disassociated and in complete panic. You take him by the arm, leading him to an empty alley, careful only to touch the clothed parts of his arm. Even with your hands in gloves, you are worried any kind of touch to his exposed hands will send him spiraling further. 

He collapses to the ground in an unceremonious heap. 

“You were supposed to follow her,” He says.

“Inej has it covered.” You reply, sitting down on the opposite side of the alley, a decent distance from him.  

There’s a moment of silence before you add, “Someone had to follow you. You can’t be by yourself when your…” And you don’t know how to finish the sentence. Traumatized? Panicking? Having a PTSD flashback to an event you refuse to discuss with anyone? “...like this.” 

It pains you to see him so deep in his own pain, so desperate to keep other people out of it. To keep you out of it. You place his gloves close to him, but far enough away that it doesn’t look like you’re trying to touch him.

He notices your gloves, “When did you-?”

“A while ago. There just in case-” And you cut yourself off with a sigh. In case this happened. “Do you want me to stay?”

Yes? Kaz thinks, but he’s still panicking too much to say anything. In fact, the thought sends him into even more of a panic, because he’s not ever had a thought like that before. 

“I’ll be on the other side of the alley. We’ll regroup once you’ve had a chance to calm down.” You say, leaving him to decompress.

XXXXX

“Nina wants an explanation,” Inej tells you as you watch over Kaz from a distance. He’s finally come out of the worst of it and is now trying to act like nothing happened. It’s a behavior that you simply have never gotten used to, despite years by his side. 

“Then tell her the truth.” You say.

“Which is?” Inej asks. She sometimes thinks you know more than she does, but that’s not really true. You both know exactly the same thing about Kaz- which is that Pekka Rollins killed his brother and that he absolutely cannot stand another person’s touch. 

“He had a panic attack.” You reply. “She’s not going to tell the others, is she?” 

“No. But I think Jesper should know. He hates it when we leave him out of the loop.” Inej states. 

“I think I’m going to try to talk to him this time. See what else is going on.” You say, watching as Kaz sits down, clearly deep in thought. 

“I’m not sure that’s a good idea.” 

“I didn’t think you’d be happy about that idea.” You say, cleaning the dirt from under your nails.

“He will open up when he’s ready.” Inej tries to reassure you.

“We both know he’d never be that vulnerable.”

“Then why ask?” She asks.

So I know how to fix it. 

“Let’s just get this over with, shall we? The world isn’t going to save itself.” You state, heading towards Kaz and the rest of the group to figure out the plan. Maybe you’ll ask him once all of this over.

XXXXX

“We should talk about what happened in the market.” You say, sitting on his desk. 

“Must we?” Kaz replies, lowering the newspaper he had been reading to meet your gaze.

“Yes.”

He set the paper aside, making his way over to you. He towers over you in a way he’s never done before, closer than he’s ever been. “What do you want to know?” 

“I want to know what happened.” 

“You saw what happened,” He says as if it’s the most obvious thing in the world.

“I want to know why, Kaz.” You respond. 

“Why?” He retorts. Is he flirting with you or just trying to get under your skin?

“I want to fix it. Or prevent it or- I don’t know! I just. I never want to see you like that again. I don’t want to see you suffer.” 

“It won’t happen again,” He reassures you, a gloved hand coming up to caress your face. You block it with the back of your forearm.

“Won’t it? Jesper told me what happened when you got thrown in that cart together. I watched as you tried not to panic while helping Inej clean her wounds. Do you think I can’t sense your heart rate when people get too close to you? That I don’t know exactly how your body reacts? Who hurt you so badly that you can’t even be physically near another person without wanting to vomit?” You ramble, letting out all of the questions and feelings you’ve been holding inside for all of these years.

“Pekka Rollins” He replies, the answer he gave you before. It’s always been the answer, and in some ways, it really is the truth. 

“Kaz… I just want you to let me in. You carry so much inside of you that you let nobody see. But I want to see it… I want to understand.” You say, and you want to reach out and hug him but you know he can’t receive that kind of affection. 

But then he does something you aren’t excepting. Slowly, he begins to remove his gloves. He sets them on the fireplace, one by one. One of his ungloved hands traces its way up the side of your neck and rests on your cheek. You gasp at his touch. 

And then you are staring into each other’s eyes, into each other’s souls. Like you’ve always seen each other- like you’ve always known. Kaz plays his cards close to his chest, but you don’t. Nina has teased you for it relentlessly.

When he kisses you, you can’t believe this is happening. It’s perfect. These are things he would only do in dreams. These are things he would only say in dreams. These are…

“This is a dream,” Kaz tells you, or rather, the Kaz of your imagination tells you as he ends the kiss.

“I know” You reply, opening your eyes.

You see Inej hunched over you and taste something disgusting in your mouth. 

“We were poisoned. Go to the door- Wylan will give you another antidote.” She says before leaving to go wake up Jesper.

You crawl your way to the door, still feeling the lingering effects of the poison. “Wylan. Antidote?” You croak.

Once you are given the butterfly, you make your way over to Kaz, the only person still under the effects of the poison. 

XXXXX

Kaz is confused. He wakes up, back on that mountain of bodies in the river, but his brother is alive.

“Jordie?” He asks, confused.

His brother stares at him, full of rage. Without a word, he begins to drown him. Just when Kaz has almost lost all of his oxygen, his brother pulls him back out from under the water.

“Who are you without your vengeance?” Jordie yells. 

“Kaz. Wake up” You say, one gloved hand cupping the side of his face, the other moving his jaw to try to force him to chew. He can’t hear you.

“What is the worth of life if you have no one left to fight for?” Jordie asks, before plunging him under the water again. 

“Kaz” You repeat, and he hears you this time. “You’re going to be alright” 

You come into focus in a water gaze, the remnants of the poison still giving a dreamlike quality. It takes him a few moments to realize that it’s no longer a hallucination and that both of your hands are on his face. Gloved hands.

You pull your hands away from his face as soon as you see him come out of it. 

“Sorry,” You say. 

You don’t have to apologize, he thinks. 

XXXXX

“Kaz, a word?” You say, wanting to get him alone. You’ve obtained the Neshyenyer and are getting ready to head to East Ravka. 

He nods in acknowledgment while the others in the room make no effort to leave.

“Alone.” You add, so the others get the picture. 

Everyone exchanges suspicious glances with one another except Kaz, who is only looking at you. Nina winks as she passes you on her way out of the room. You resist the urge to roll your eyes. 

You position yourself by the door, a good five feet away from him, in order to respect his boundaries. The boundaries that you’ve consistently had to cross recently to protect him.

“What do you need?” He asks. 

“Are you okay?” You ask. 

Of course he isn’t, but you want him to admit that. You suspect he’ll respond with something defensive, something clever, something like “Why wouldn’t I be okay?” or “Why does it matter?” or “We have a job to do”. For it to be like the dream. 

“Are you?” He responds.

“No. And I’m getting a little tired of pretending I am.” You answer honestly. The difference between you, and all the other crows, and hell, everyone else that you interact with, is that you aren’t emotionally repressed. You don’t hide it under a sense of revenge, don’t mask it with a face of no emotion, and don’t keep your true thoughts and feelings hidden under a veil of humor. He told you it was a weakness, once. 

“You’re still wearing the gloves.” He comments.

You glance down at your gloved hands and then back at him. “So I am.”

“You don’t have to do that for me.” You don’t have to do anything for me, He thinks. 

“I know.” You say, “I just don’t want to hurt you.” 

There is a long silence as you look at each other, not really sure what to say.

“I wanted you to stay,” He states, looking away from you. Almost as if he’s ashamed that he’s allowing himself to be this vulnerable. “When you asked me in the alley… I wanted you to stay.”

You feel your breath catch in your throat at the admission. Maybe the poison-induced hallucination wasn’t too farfetched after all. 

“I’ll stay.” You take a step towards him, still unsure of his boundaries. Still unsure how close or far you can get without causing him pain. 

“Will you tell me why?” You ask. I can’t help you through something when I don’t know why it causes you pain.

“I don’t know if I can,” It’s the first genuine answer you’ve gotten out of him in a long time. 

“When we were poisoned I- you were in my hallucination,” You admit, taking a few more steps closer to him.  

“What happened in your hallucination?” He asks. Throughout this, he’s made no effort to move from his seat at the table, but his heartbeat has become steadily faster, stronger. 

“I was angry at you- but you seemed to understand why. And you took your gloves off and touched me and- that’s how I knew it wasn’t real.” You reply. “What did you hallucinate?” You add, not wanting him to ruminate on your confession too long. 

“My brother was drowning me,” He states.

“I’m sorry,” You say, reflexively. 

“He asked me, ‘What is the worth of life if you have no one left to fight for?’ and then I saw you,” You’ve never seen him sheepish before- vulnerability doesn’t exactly suit him. 

“Oh,” You breathe. “So what now?” 

“We go to East Ravka.”

“Right,” You say, trying not to let the disappointment show in your voice. “Time to save the world. Again.” 

“We’re not saving it. We’re just getting paid.” Kaz responds.

You steel yourself, trying not to beat yourself up for thinking you were finally getting somewhere. That this would be anything more than words.

"After. We will discuss us after." He adds, quelling your doubt. "We still have a job to do."

You nod.

"I'm here if you need me." You say, turning to leave.

"I know," Kaz replies.

[amsgrey]

Need Help?

kaz brekker x reader

synopsis: Kaz helps you get ready for a job, lost in the moment he forgets his anxiety and stays present.

warnings: other than bad writing? not much.

authors note: I have had terrible writer's block lately, so here is this terrible story that has been in my drafts for weeks. I will be doing my best to fix it but man it is not easy.

Kaz woke you early one morning, knocking sharply on the door. He knocked once, waiting for any sounds behind the door before he struck again.

You sleepily opened the door, ready to tell Jesper to get lost. Realizing it was your boss, not the sharpshooter, you stuttered over your words.

"I need you and Nina for a job."

You followed his instructions, waking up Nina and forcing her to join you on the job to Little Ravka.

Before you had left the slat Kaz had ordered the two of you to not get sidetracked, with no stops on the way to Little Ravka and no detours on the way back. Nina had quietly mumbled about Kaz being no fun and you knew then you would spend the time steering her away from food vendors.

Walking down the Ravkan market had been the hardest. Nina had told you about this place, but seeing it for the first time was nothing like hearing about it. Like Os Kervo's markets, Nina had told you. She had explained the time she spent there in-depth, the afternoons walking through the markets with her friends.

Nina let out a tiny gasp, snatching your hand and dragging you along behind as she approached a stall. You could see what she was fixated on, a pastry dusted in sugar.

Nina ignored your protests, ordering two of the desserts and paying the vendor quickly. The girl handed one to you, nodding for you to try it.

“Why are you so obsessed with these?” You asked as you walked back through Ketterdam.

“Because they’re brilliant,” Nina said like it was the most obvious answer.

You laughed, watching her brush icing sugar off her nose.

“They are good,” You agreed, “I see why you love them so much.”

Nina beamed, “And Brekker said stops weren’t worth it.”

Kaz would not be happy. You knew when the two of you strolled into the slat the boy would see the crumbs - no matter how many times you would brush down your clothes - and chastise you about the detour.

At some point halfway through the Zelvar district, you decided you didn’t much care. Kaz was sour about many things, he would act annoyed for a while and then see how you grinned in defiance and let it go. Besides, you all knew this errand was hardly one of high stakes.

You were surprised to walk into the slat and see Kaz not at all surprised at your lateness. He took one look at the two grinning crows and rolled his eyes.

“Enjoy yourself?”

“Yup,” Nina replied, planting herself in the chair next to Matthias.

You sat on Kaz's right, looking over the map of the Financial district Kaz was scrutinizing.

“Why do you need a tailor?” You asked, thinking about the message you and Nina left at the cafe in Little Ravka.

Kaz spared you a glance, taking in the furrow of your brow as you studied the map.

"For the job," Was Kaz's blunt reply.

“What did Nina convince you to stop for?”

You turned to Wylan, "I would have stopped too."

Nina’s face broke into a grin, “No one can resist sweets.”

“What is it like?” Wylan continued.

“It’s pastry,” Kaz replied, fixing Wylan with a glower.

You laughed, “It’s not just pastry, Brekker.”

Nina launched into an explanation while you looked back over the map. You brushed off some of Wylans pencil shavings from when he completed it.

“What are you thinking?” You asked Kaz, trying to see what he was scrutinizing.

Kaz looked from the map to you, muttering about his plans.

You and Kaz didn’t realize that the conversation had lulled around them, the other crows watching the two sit close together hunched over the map and scribbling notes.

Inej tapped Jesper's shoulder, no one had realized the wraith had even appeared, “Scheming face.”

Jesper laughed, breaking You and Kaz from your concentration, “Definitely scheming faces.”

You pouted, “I don’t scheme.”

Kaz corralled everyone into his office later in the evening of that day. He let everyone know the building that was on the map was holding a Gala that night, and there was a target you needed to reach.

As always, Kaz's plans had layers and twists that he didn't reveal to everyone. Trying to follow along with what he wanted everyone to do was sometimes impossible, so you were glad he explained it slowly for everyone.

"Whose going as a guest?" Jesper asked, having been already assigned fake driver duty.

"Matthias and Y/N," Kaz replied.

You started to protest, but Kaz didn't listen.

"You will be posing as Mr and Mrs Mjelde. You two look like them."

You and Matthias looked at each other, wearing matching frowns. You hadn't worked with Matthias before, but you trusted Kaz enough to have faith in his plan. Kaz explained how you both could pass as the Frejdan-Kerch couple, mostly because of the resemblance you had to the couple. When you had asked why Nina couldn't be Mrs Mjelde, Kaz waved it off with "I need her somewhere else".

After Kaz had given everyone their assignments and explained the target, you remembered the job he had sent you and Nina earlier that day.

"So why do we need a tailor?" You asked.

"Mrs Mjelde has shorter hair than you," Kaz replied, "I thought you would rather tailor yourself to look different than cutting your hair."

Your chest constricted, Kaz had put extra care into making you feel comfortable on this job.

"Well too bad there aren't any available Tailors in Ketterdam," Nina sighed, already hearing from her fellow Grisha that the only slightly knowledgable tailor had left the city a week ago.

Kaz frowned, trying to come up with an alternative plan.

"I can just cut my hair," You said.

"You love your hair," Jesper replied.

You shrugged, "No harm in a change every now and again."

Everyone seemed slightly surprised, but no one said anything to challenge you. Kaz ordered everyone to prepare for the job, Jesper and Nina had to slip away to get the disguises for the night, leaving the rest of you to prepare in the Slat.

You had borrowed the scissors Kaz used to cut his hair, the same ones you used not two weeks ago to cut his hair. You sat in front of your mirror, it was perched haphazardly on your small dresser. You stared at your reflection, trying to work up the courage to cut your own hair.

"Need help?"

You could see Kaz in the reflection, standing in the doorway like you had not long ago. You felt suddenly self-conscious, breaking eye contact and running your fingers through your hair to try distract yourself.

Kaz stepped into your room, closing the door behind him. Your tiny room felt cramped with only you in it, now it felt claustrophobic. Kaz leant his cane against your bedframe, coming to stand behind you. You felt unease build in your chest, unable to say a word. You felt at ease in Kaz's room, lazing on his bed or bothering him while he worked. But now that he was in your room, it felt strangely more intimate.

Kaz slipped his hands out of his gloves, placing them in front of you on the dresser. He held his hand to you, waiting for you to give him the scissors.

"We don't have all evening," Kaz said, rather bluntly.

You laughed, a stupid smile greeting Kaz in the mirror. You didn't much mind Kaz's bluntness, in fact, you had grown to love it. Once you learnt he never meant any harm - to you most specifically - you grew to appreciate how he cared little about sugarcoating anything. At times he was cruel, but never with you.

You let Kaz take the scissors from you, he turned them over in his hands. Once. Twice. You watched him in the mirror, as he finally decided on his action. He ran his fingers through your hair like you had done to him. His fingernails raked along your scalp, pulling fly-away strands from your face. He began to work on your hair, combing it away from your face with his fingers then cutting it slowly, methodically.

You were both silent as he worked, you could only watch in awe as he took such care. His brows were furrowed, much like they always were. But his eyes weren't piercing or angry, they were gentle and kind. He was so concentrated on what he was doing that his mask fell. It was the first time since that night in his room that you saw Kaz Reitveld again.

When Kaz was almost done, you finally shifted your gaze from Kaz behind you to your hair. Jesper was right, you did love your hair and you had been reluctant to change it. It felt a little easier knowing it was Kaz who was cutting your hair, Kaz who was helping you change.

Kaz stayed close when he was done, running his fingers through your hair again. His fingers ran through your hair, then rested on the bare skin of your neck. It was like you were both stuck in a trance. Making eye contact through the mirror. Kaz was taking deep breaths, not removing his hands from your skin.

You looked away, "I should go see Nina."

Kaz nodded, watching you stand up from your chair and brush down your clothes. He took a small step back, entranced by the way your hair now perfectly framed your face.

You looked up to see his staring, a faint smirk on his face.

"See something you like, Brekker?"

Kaz chuckled, "Maybe."

He took another step forward, reaching up and tugging on a strand of your hair. You smiled, offering your thanks for his help.

Kaz nodded, silent while he looked over your face. You could feel his breath over your cheek. From this close, you could see the flecks in his irises. You glanced from his eyes to his lips, the silent question hanging between you. You both knew that Kaz wouldn't be the first to instigate a kiss; you had been close before but never as close as that night in his room.

Kaz felt like he couldn't breathe, watching you look at him with so much faith, so much devotion. He hadn't seen anyone look at him like that since Jordie died. In The Barrel, it wasn't like people were willing to get close to him, not that he ever let them. Kaz trusted you, too, as a crow and someone he could love. He had a hard time showing that, in fact, he never showed it.

You ignored the doubts running through your head, leaning forward and pressing your lips to Kaz's. You pulled away quickly like a child having their first kiss. The last thing you wanted to do was overwhelm the man before you.

Kaz snaked his fingers into your hair, pulling you closer and kissing you again.

You were struck by how sweet Kaz tasted, like Hopjes. He cupped your cheek gently, pulling away hesitantly. He smirked, enjoying being close to you without the debilitating panic that usually forced him away.

"Y/N!' Nina knocked on the door, "Saint's sake, have you finished yet?"

Kaz pulled away, both of you snapping out of the trance and fumbling around the other. You had to slip past Kaz to get to the door, trying to ignore how close the two of you were. You threw the door open to see Nina, standing impatiently with the dress for the job tossed over her arm. Nina could no doubt see Kaz standing behind you in your room, his face no doubt flushed as it always was when the two of you were caught close by another crow.

With everything finally in place, you forced yourself down the stairs to greet the crows. The ridiculous shoes you had to wear made climbing down the stairs harder than you liked, you had to rely heavily on the ballestraid so you wouldn't fall down.

At the bottom of the stairs, Matthias was scowling at Jesper and Wylan, who were making fun of his formal attire. He looked as miserable as you, constantly adjusting the collar of his shirt and blazer to try get comfortable.

"Hey gorgeous," Jesper greeted, throwing his arm over your shoulders and pulling you into a side hug.

You jabbed your finger into his ribs, getting him off you. "Don't call me that when I'm dressed like an idiot."

Jesper rolled his eyes, "That was rude."

Kaz finally joined you all, leaving his office and pausing a few paces away from you all. You could see how he took in what you were wearing, the subtle makeup covering your eyes and the fake jewels resting on your collarbones. You tried not to flush when you noticed his gaze linger on the buttons of your bodice.

Nina was staring at you, giving you a knowing look. You waved her off, pulling your cloak around your dress.

"Everyone knows the plan?" Kaz asked.

There was a chorus of yes'.

"Then let's get to it."

[shit-people-probably-didnt-say]

Crows Name Meanings because why not?

🐦‍⬛ Kaz:

Meaning: Destroyer of peace; One who declares peace; Child of peace or harmony

Kaz is an incredibly dynamic name popular for boys and has Slavic origins.

Kaz comes from the name Cassius, which means “hollow”, and was famously worn by one of the conspirators against Julius Caesar. This may be why it has gained the meaning “destroyer of peace.”

However, Kaz has an endearing connotation, too! In Japanese, Kaz comes from Kazuko, which means “harmony” and “child of peace.” This powerful title will find a home in a soul who is unafraid of forging their own, unique path.

Baby Kaz will undoubtedly stay true to themselves as they journey through life, carrying a remarkable presence everywhere they go.

🌺 Inej:

Meaning: Faithful, The faithful one

Inej is a girl's name of Spanish origin.

Meaning "faithful" or "the faithful one", this name is for the parent intending to raise baby in a life of faith.

🎲 Jesper:

Meaning: King of the treasure; Treasurer

Jesper is a masculine name of Danish, Dutch, and Persian origin.

A variant of the Persian name Jasper, this name translates to “King of the treasure” or “treasurer.” Wealth comes in many forms, whether it’s gold, knowledge, or moments with your loved ones.

Of course, baby is going to be a priceless new addition to your family. If you want to always remind baby how invaluable they are, the name Jesper makes for a bountiful choice.

🎼 Wylan:

Meaning: Wayside land; Crafting one; Brave in battle

Wylan offers a dapper appellation steeped in cool kid vibes. A form of Waylan and Waylon, masculine Wylan is a topographical name meaning “wayside land.” Wylan’s origins don’t stop there, as the name also has Germanic and Old Norse roots, where it derives from Wayland.

Wylan adopts the meaning “crafting one” from Wayland the Smith, a mythological master blacksmith who escaped the king’s custody by flying away with a winged cloak he crafted. He is mentioned in several Germanic and Old Norse poems, including the Old English classics, Waldere and Beowulf.

Wayland may also mean “brave in battle,” equipping baby with a warrior-worthy title. Not only is Wylan effortlessly chill for the cool-as-a-cucumbers, this handsome title comes steeped in ancient lore and ingenuity.

🫀Nina:

Meaning: Little girl

Nina is a girl’s name with various possible   origins, arguably the most well-known being Spanish.

Aptly meaning “little girl,” this simple title never seems to go out of style.

Sharing her name with the Incan goddess of fire, Nina can be inspired to let her flame burn bright. Also connected to a Babylonian goddess, there is no shortage of heavenly influences for this little girl.

🐺 Matthias:

Meaning: Gift of God; Bear

Matthias is a refreshing twist to the ancient masculine name Mathew sure to give baby a distinctive edge.

Emerging from the Hebrew Matityahu, meaning "gift of God," Matthias bears this definition with all the swagger of a rock star.

As much as Matthias seems to push against tradition, its very sound directly links it with the Ancient Greek translation of Matityahu, Mattathias, which pre-dates even Mathew.

Touring overseas to Celtic shores, Matthias finds an intriguing kinship with the Irish mathúin, which means "bear." A relic with a rugged appeal, as names go.

Matthias serves up stage presence before baby has even taken their first steps.

Do with this what you will

[barbarianbookhoe]

Chapter 11

One Day

A/N: sorry not sorry for breaking hearts and leaving it on a cliffhanger BAHHAHAAA (I refuse to die before i see Hans Zimmer live for this one fucking song)

P.S. I love you guys tho

P.P.S. Replace the word bf with husband in Boyfriend by Big Time Rush and it's exactly what Kaz was thinking everytime he touched the ring in his pocket

Taglist: @kiraflowersworld @vainillasmil157 @bookloverfilmoholic @so-get-this-sammy @ell0ra-br3kk3r @hufflepuffprincessbabe @pansexualwitchwhoneedstherapy @bitterspoons @wonderland2425 @noorie101

Our perception of time is defined by our ability to choose the right moment.

There is no right choice.

Every moment we choose to hesitate, to act irrationally is already a moment born in uncertainty. There is no choice that doesn't already carry the weight of a collateral damage, a necessary evil, which hides in the shadows of the illusion we call "the better choice".

There's no right choice...

There's no possibility to choose from, because there is only one way this can play out, and that's with a bullet in his brain and his blood scattered on the cobblestones.

And even if there was a choice, it would change nothing. There is nothing any of them could do to change the fate waiting for them.

If these are my last moments, at least we'll be together, Kaz thought. If death has finally came for him, at least he wouldn't be alone, because he had Y/N with him. Kaz reached behind him to hold her hand for one last time, ignoring the fact that their relationship wouldn't be a secret anymore, but he could only feel the metal of the tank under his fingers.

Kaz whipped his head around only to find Y/N reaching up to Kuwei. No, not Kuwei, he realized as fear coursed through him.

Y/N reached for the tiny pouch of jurda.

Kaz leaped from his seat.

"We shoud do this some other time! This is so much fun!" Jesper shouted in delight while the tank moved closer and closer to the harbour.

"Clearly we have a different definition of fun," YN mumbled to herself, trying find a position that didn't strain her bandaged shoulder too much.

Kaz noticed her motion and glanced at the bandage, furrowing his brows. He tried to piece together when that could've happened, coming to the conclusion that this was why Nina looked so disheveled and worried when she found them. As the thoughts of YN fighting a drüskelle alone coursed through his mind, his eyes never left the wound. He was completely oblivious to the stares he got from her, trying to reassure him that she was fine.

When Kaz finally looked at her, she moved her hand closer to him on the surface of the tank. To anyone watching, it looked like she was just trying to reapply her grip on the metal, but to YN it was her way of making him snap out of his thoughts, and bringing him back to reality.

She did it just in time for them to turn their heads and see that they were completely surrounded. The tank came to a stop at the edge of the harbour, watching in shock as the soldiers pointed their weapons at them. They turned in every direction, but there was nowhere to go now. This is it. This is where it all ends.

"There has to be a way for us to-" Nina started but Jesper cut her off. "Are you blind?! There's hundreds of armed soldiers surrounding us!" He yelled, still in shock. They were so close. They were so close to go home.

"Please tell me you have a plan for this," YN whispered to Kaz, who just kept staring ahead of him. His whole body was frozen in place, and YN was close to asking Nina if he was even still breathing.

Kaz didn't move, he couldn't. How could he? This is it. All of his sleepless night, scheming and planning, making ideas upon ideas, preparing himself and the group for numerous outcomes, and yet, it was all worthless. No matter how much he prepared, how much he read and stayed up late, no matter how strict he was with them, it didn't count in the end.

His mind went completely blank.

This was the one thing, the only thing, that he didn't count on, because this was the worst possible outcome he wasn't ready to plan for. He wasn't ready. Kaz Brekker was not ready to die, not like this, not like some low scum of a man, who couldn't even keep the one promise he desperately wanted to keep.

Kaz heard the voices of the others asking him what was next, what would they have to do. But Kaz was speechless. He couldn't answer them. He couldn't tell them they were never going home. He couldn't, because Kaz himself was horrified.

He tried to push the feeling deep down, but he couldn't stop thinking about the fact that YN was never going to see her family again. That she will neer see her nephew grow up, that she will never hold his face again, or that she will never be able to-

"Are you out of your mind?! It would be suicide!" Nina shouted and the loud noise made Kaz snap out of his inner turmoil.

He turned to look at Nina, who was arguing with YN and Kuwei. The shu boy held a small pouch in his hand, and Kaz figured that must be the jurda parem. For a few seconds he didn't understand what was happening, but when he saw the look on Y/N's face and the way she was hovering her hand near the pouch of jurda, Kaz's eyes widened against his will.

"What do you think you're doing?" Kaz asked coldy as he looked between them. His voice was directed at Y/N, who straight-up ignored the warning tone, not moving away from her spot.

"This is our only chance, and these idiots know it!" She said to which Nina let out an offended gasp. "Did you just call me an idiot?!" She asked and the two girls began arguing again. Kuwei just sat there holding the jurda, not quite understanding what was going on.

"Enough!" Kaz shouted suddenly and all of them turned towards him. The girls stopped their fight and both of them loked at him in annoyance for interrupting them.

"Is that the parem?" Kaz asked and pointed at the pouch in Kuwei's hand, to which both girls nodded. "And it's dangerous I presume?" Another nod. "It can make you an addict just like the Grishas we came across, yes?" Another nod, followed by a heavy silence. "And what are the side effects of taking it?"

"That's exactly what we were discussing." Nina told him and made sure to glare at Y/N, who ignored said glare. "If you call listing all the reasons why I'd be a moron to take it, then yes, we discussed it," Y/N almost hissed back at Nina. Kaz rolled his eyes.

"If it can kill you, then it should be a discussion, not just a decision based on a random hunch," Kaz told Y/N, who was trying to grab the pouch again, but this time Kuwei noticed and pulled his hand away, to which Y/N stood up to take it with force if she had to.

Kaz almost jumped up to pull her away, but Nina was quicker. She grabbed Y/N's hand and slapped it away. "Oh for fuck's sake, Zenik!" Y/N damn neraly shouted while Nina asked for the pouch from Kuwei, who gave it to her with a worried look. "Oh, so if I do it, I'm suicidal but if you, then it's totally fine!"

"I know the consequences!" Nina shouted back, trying to not look at Matthias or Inej. She knew if she did, she wouldn't be able to go through with this. "I know what parem does to a Grisha. However, we do not know what it would do to you." Her voice softened towards the end of her sentence, making Y/N grew annoyed.

"Zenik is right," Kaz said and Y/N turned to him with furrowed brows. "And you're an expert since when? What do you know about magic, Brekker? Nothing!" She argued with him, and all the Crows watched in silence as she lashed out.

Kaz just sat there, taking her words as she continued to spill all of her anger out on him, each word like a slap to his face. He just let her do it, because he understood more than anyone what it felt like to be angry at the world when things didn't go as planned, when he suddenly felt helpless, and there was nothing he could do about it.

Kaz knew that Y/N was scared, he could see it in the way her hands trembled just enough to be noticed, how she tried to control the crack in her voice, and how her eyes slowly became glassy from unshed tears. She was the most terrified he has ever seen her.

Meanwhile, Nina held the pouch of parem in trembling hands, watching the two of them with a pang of guilt. She was still contemplating if she could take the parem and go through a horrible recovery, if that was even possible, or just give it to Y/N who already decided to do it. That thought made Nina guilty. It would be a selfish decision to let her take it, just because she was too afraid of the aftermath.

She couldn't let Y/N do it. She still had a family to go home to. She had a life to get back to. And by the way she saw her and Kaz act around each other, Nina hoped there was love waiting for her too.

"Y/N." Kaz spoke up on a soft voice while she was still arguing. His voice was muffled by all the noise around them, so he tried to call her name again, trying to distract her thoughts of the parem.

"Orlova." He said again, and this time Inej and Wylan heard it, turning towards him.

"Y/N Orlova." He repeated louder this time, but the soft tone still evident.

Now Jesper looked at them too, but he was elbowed in the ribs by Inej when he almost spoke up to interrupt them, with a fun comment presumably. Instead he was made to turn away from them, to give the two of them some privacy at least.

'"Y/N, please." Kaz pleaded with her on a quiet voice, but she wouldn't stop.

She wasn't angry anymore, the shock and helplessness took over her, and now she was just babbling about how they were going to die if she didn't take the parem, because she wouldn't let Nina do that. She didn't say it out loud, but Kaz knew what she was saying. She was going to sacrifice herself, so they would make it back to Ketterdam. As soon as the thought appeared in Kaz's brain, he didn't hesitate to stand up and grab Y/N by the shoulders.

"Ty moya zhena!" Kaz shouted to her face and she finally stopped talking.

She heard the others turn at the sound of Kaz's voice, never before hearing him speak in another language. She tried to move away, but Kaz held her in place. She looked at his piercing blue eyes, his gaze speaking louder than any words.

"Ty. Moya. Zhena." Kaz spoke each word with passion in his eyes, trying to get Y/N to truly understand what they meant. Her eyes became glassy again as one of her hands came up to cup Kaz's face. He slowly let his hands travel up to her neck, his thumbs caressing her skin.

"Ty moya zhena. Moya zhena." Kaz whispered the words as they stood there, completely unaware of the shocked looks the others sent their way. Nina's jaw was practically on the floor.

"A ty moi muzh." Y/N whispered back, her eyes betraying the saddness she felt.

(A/N: ty moya zhena=you are my wife; a ty moi muzh=and you're my husband)

She wanted to say those words in the comfort of their home, after a long day, when there was just the two of them in their tiny apartment, probably a bottle of kvas and their interwined hands between them. But that wasn't possible. Only if she-

Her thoughts were interrupted by a sudden warmth on her lips. Y/N felt as if she was spinning, her head swirling as leather clawed hands came around her, squeezing her impossibly closer to the other person. She was clinging to them just the same, clutching the back of his coat in a deathly grip, afraid to let go.

Kaz was kissing her like there was no tomorrow.

And there wasn't. These could be very well considered her last moments, and Kaz was kissing her like they were a demon and an angel, and her kiss was the only thing that could make him see the heavens. Like he was a damned soul trapped on the Earth, and Y/N was the one showing him the way to salvation.

Kaz had been walking his way a long time, and he finally reached his destination.

When Y/N began pulling away, afraid of pushing his limits, Kaz instantly leaned closer to capture her lips again. He couldn't get enough of her now that he knew what she felt like. He wanted to savour every second their lips touched, he wanted to make her understand just how much those two little words meant to him.

"I do." Kaz whispered in between kisses.

"I do." Y/N smiled into their kiss and Kaz let out a soft groan, their kisses becoming more passionate, as the fear of their impending death slowly crept into the moment.

Y/N felt bittersweet as she thought about what was going to happen in just a few seconds. She was angry at the world, and she tried to water down her guilt by kissing Kaz more vehemently. The messier their kisses became, the sadder Y/N got.

It wasn't fair what she was about to do to him, but there was no other way. A single tear escaped her eye, and she could feel the salty taste on her lips as she desperately clinged onto Kaz for one more kiss.

One more kiss. With one more kiss, she was going to betray him, the one thing she promised to never do. Only one kiss to make him hate her forever. Only one kiss and their fate will be determined.

One single kiss is all it takes.

One.

Kiss.

It all happened so fast. One second she was kissing Kaz like it was the last time, and the next she was snatching the pouch of jurda from Nina's hand, transforming into a crow and quicly flying away as the group yelled and protested.

Even in animal form, Y/N felt the unshed tears burn her eyes as she left them there. The guilt was like a knife to her heart, twisting and turning the farther she flew from them, and she could feel the phantom blade cut the organ into a million pieces in her chest.

When she stopped at the edge of the town, she allowed herself to waste a few seconds, silently apologizing to everyone, especially to Kaz and her brother. If she was to die because of the complications the jurda parem would make her go through, she wanted her last memories to be of her family.

She wanted the Saints to know that even if her life wasn't finished yet, she will be leaving it happy and content.

With a quick inhale, Y/N opened the pouch and poured some of the jurda into her mouth, frowning at the taste. After waiting for a few more seconds, she could feel her entire body began to tingle, and with one last sigh she closed her eyes and concentrated on the form she would be shifting into.

The sun above him scorched the clouds, its relentless heat searing them with an unforgiving pain. The heavenly rays of light seemed to laugh at Kaz, the warmth on his face a grotesque mockery of the despair inside him, as if the Sun itself found his grief a mere amusement.

One second Y/N was in his arms, kissing him like in his dreams, and the next she was ripped away from him and took the jurda with her. For a few seconds Kaz just stood there frozen, his face blank and eyes wide, his brain trying to keep up with all the emotions and thoughts inside him. He was oblivious to the looks he got from the rest of the group, but in his inner turmoil he could guess what they've all felt: shock, surprise, and sorry for him.

Kaz swallowed hard as he felt his knees grew weak, and he feared he would collapse in front of the others, therefore slowly, albeit robotically, he sat back down on the side of the tank, gripping his cane so tightly, that he could feel the ring under his glove dig into his finger.

"Oh Kaz," Nina spoke up, her voice barely above a whisper. She felt a few tears brim her eyes as she continued. "When did you two even-" She wanted to ask, but Kaz interrupted her. Despite the monotone voice, they could hear bits of shock and grief in his usually stoic voice.

"The roof at the incinerator. I wed her in Ravkan tradition. Partially at least, since we couldn't just parade around in white and gold dresses. The speech was at least in Ravkan, and our wedding bands were made of Grisha steel." Kaz explained, still not turning towards them.

He didn't think of his actions when he pulled one of his gloves off, holding his hand up for them to see. There it was, the dark silver wedding band on his finger, the metal shining in the sun. Nina let out a sharp gasp, now understanding the reason why Kaz refused to take off his soaked gloves after they managed to revive him.

"But why silver?" Jesper asked, afer he finally got rid of his shocked face. For now.

"What's the most valuable thing in the world?" Kaz asked, weariness creeping into his words, his lungs seeming to cave in on themselves, and he felt like he was going to slowly suffocate.

"Power?" Asked Jesper confused as to what answer should he give.

"Freedom?" Came Inej's answer.

"Love?" The group turned to Matthias with raised brows, and Matthias mumbled something to himself.

"Money." Kaz answered for them and he looked back at Jesper and Inej as he continued. "And what's the most valuable thing every criminal wants in Ketterdam?"

"Gold," Jesper and Inej answered simultaneously as their face fell. They sent Kaz a sad look, but he just stared back at them with a blank face, the fear not completely gone from his eyes.

"Usually wedding bands are made from gold, which makes them easy to recognize. On the other hand, a silver ring gets overlooked, even if it's worn on the ring-finger. If I was to get into a fight, and somehow they manage to get my hands bare, they wouldn't be able to connect me to Y/N based on the ring alone."

Kaz explained but decided not to go further with his words, not having the mental energy to keep speaking without his voice cracking somewhere in his speech. He tried to focus on the sole thought that he had finally kissed her, and managed to put that damn ring on her.

Kaz's thoughts didn't have time to turn sour, to acknowledge the grief and anger he felt mixed with the sense of betrayal, because a loud roar could be heard. He looked around and saw the fjerdan soldiers glance at the sky in confusion. Then he saw it.

No.

Her.

The enormous beast rose higher and higher with its wings stretched to their full width, and as Kaz looked up at the dragon flying over above them, he couldn't help but feel a deep sense of pride as he looked up at Y/N. If he wasn't so shocked about everything that occured in the past five minutes, Kaz was sure he would've looked at the soldiers with an arrogant smile. Yeah, that's my wife you sons of bitches, he thought to himself.

The bronze dragon let out another loud roar, as she circled around the harbour, sometimes flying dangerously close to the soldiers, her massive wings blocking the Sun above them. She was the true image of a beast, deadly and dangerous, and despite her claws she looked nothing short of beautiful, magical, magisterial.

Kaz wasn't a man fond of beauty. He only found it in shining gold, and the thick roll of kruge. He paid little to no attention to artists, and rarely did he enjoy looking at artifacts for sheer contemt, and even then only to measure their price.

He was looking at the dragon form of Y/N and he could only stare in awe at the magical being that was his wife. In his worry and anger Kaz couldn't ignore the pride he felt watching her settle down beside their tank, a protective gesture and a threat all at once.

Kaz didn't hold back his arrogant smirk as he watched the soldiers glance between each other and the dragon in fear and worry.

Inej and Nina held each other's hands and stared at Y/N with a glint of child-like wonder and disbelief. Both of them thought back to the Ravkan fairytales they no doubt heard many times during their childhood. The two girls glanced back at the dragon and Nina let out a breathy chuckle as Y/N moved closer to them. Wylan and Kuwei looked genuinely terrified at the creature, their mind's not yet processing Y/N's transformation.

Jesper seemed almost giddy at the sight of his friend, already planning how to ask her to let him ride on her back before she transforms back to human. Matthias, unbelievably, wore the same expression as Kaz. He too was in awe of the magical creature like he was a little boy again, but his worry for Y/N was close to none, unlike Kaz's.

The dragon stepped around the tank, a threatening growl escaping her sharp-teethed mouth. Her snout gently signaled to the direction of the Ferolind, the group turning their gaze towards the harbour. Wylan and Kaz were the first to regain their senses, and getting the others to move the tank towards the dock.

"I'm no engineer of course, but uh," Jesper started as he stared at the wooden planks of the dock, "I don't think a dock is capable of holding a tank on its surface."

"Then we'll walk," Kaz said back as a matter of fact, making Jesper's eyes go wide. "They will shoot us!"

Kaz let a small smirk escape his lips as he looked behind them. "Y/N would sooner burn them alive."

The group reluctantly got off the tank, but as soon as they met the gazes of the soldiers gathered around them, they fastened their steps. Inej and Nina grabbed each other's hand in a hurry, the boys quickly following in their steps. Kaz stayed behind to make sure everyone got to the Ferolind without any trouble.

"Is that a fucking dragon?!" Specht exclaimed as he watched them get on the boat. He turned to Kaz with a surprised face. "Boss, how the hell did you get a dragon?"

"I married one," Kaz replied casually and watched as Specht swallowed hard. Kaz took a step closer to him, to which Specht instinctively straightened himself, ready for whatever Kaz had to say.

"I have a task for you."

I need you to do the one thing I'm not able to, Kaz thought, his mind a hurricane of emotions. I need you to keep the promise I-

Gunshots rang out in the harbor, targeting their boat.

Kaz looked behind him only to be met with his darkest nightmare.

The soldiers began firing at both the Ferolind and the dragon. She was roaring and trashing around, stomping her legs on the ground and using her tail to hit the soldiers into the water, clearly not wanting to kill them all.

The bullets went flying around their heads, and Specht rushed everyone to help them get away from the harbour as soon as possible. Kaz watched as they handled the boat, Jesper and Matthias sending a few shots back at the soldiers. He watched for a couple of seconds, before his gaze turned back to his wife.

She was getting angrier by the second, and Kaz knew that soon she will start killing the Fjerdans, no matter how many. He could already notice her reluctance slowly fading away, as the fire in her throat became brighter and brighter, ready to be let out.

Y/N flew up in the sky, circling around them, directing their shots at her instead of the Ferolind. Kaz could only watch in helplessness as she let the bullets hit her, roaring and growling at the pain, but still not doing anything to stop it.

That was until she glanced at the Ferolind getting further and further away from her. She knew that Kaz couldn't see the emotions on her face in this form, hell, he couldn't even see her completely. Despite that, she was sure he knew how scared she was, because he must've felt just as terrified.

Y/N sent one last thought to Kaz, hoping that in some magical way he will be able to hear her.

If I cannot have my happy ending, neither will they.

This sentence kept repeating in her head as she dove down from the sky, letting the fire burn her throat. The flames erupted from her mouth, making every soldier breath in her misery and anger, their crimson blood getting mixed with the snow and the ashes of their bones, painting the dock into a true image of devastation.

And she just looked at them with pity when they tried to shoot her again, sending another burst of flames through them. She roared at them the loudest she could, letting all of her emotions out, killing them mercilessly like a true monster would.

Their cries of pain and devastation kept ringing in her ears as she flew after the Ferolind. All the pain she caused. All that blood she could feel on her claws. All that fire still lodged in her throat, ready to be used again, but making her feel like it will burn her alive if she doesn't change back to human soon.

Y/N tried to access her wounds as she grew closer to the boat. Although she couldn't see them, she could definitely feel every single one of them. Her limbs started to feel heavy, as if they were going numb from something. She let out a low growl, as her legs began throbbing in pain.

It seemed her brain finally decided to catch up with the hits and bullets she took in the fight. In the moment it felt like she was invincible, she felt untouchable. But now, as she neared the Ferolind, the adrenaline of the fight wearing off, she felt like she was about to die any minute.

Die.

What a dramatic word for how she felt. But Y/N couldn't find a better way to word it to herself. Every breath felt like she was breathing fire, as if she was somehow breathing in the same fire her dragon self was making, as if her body was slowly killing itself.

She could hear her heart pumping in her ears, and her chest felt heavier by the second while her vision became disoriented. Her view seemed to be shifting from clear to blurry, then blurry to clear again. She could feel her body dragging her further and further down, while she tried to maintain some kind of order in her flight, but she felt her wings swaying her from side to side, like she was inebriated or something.

Again, she felt her heart ringing in her ears, mixed with the painful cries of the soldiers, and it all made her feel like her heart was going to cease to beat. The panic slowly took over her every sense, making her fight or flight mode kick in with full force, leaving her brain with only one coherent thought.

I'm going to die. I'm going to die. I'm going to die.

Her heart was beating so loud it was deafening.

Her limbs felt so heavy she couldn't move her wings anymore.

Her head felt like it was going to explode.

The last thing Y/N saw through her blurry vision was a black figure at the front of the Ferolind, before the waves engulfed her in a drowning hug.

In the next lifetime, we'll meet one day.

The next life we'll meet one day.

We'll meet one day.

One day.

Lightness, then darkness. Silence, no thoughts, no sounds, no noises. No cold. No heat. No flash of memories, and no sense of peace and finality. Just nothing.

Death felt awfully empty.

[lunarthecorvus]

Alternate Universe - Regency Six Of Crows fanfiction recommendations

part of Lunar's soc fanficiton rec series

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p.s. a few fics haven't been updated in a while but I'm recommending them because they are all still beautiful stories and worth the read

when existence or when hope is gone by @19burstraat

Wordcount: 27,573 Chapters: 1/1

Characters: Kaz Brekker, Inej Ghafa, Nina Zenik, Matthias Helvar, Jesper Fahey, Wylan Van Eck, Jan Van Eck, Alys Van Eck, Inej Ghafa's Mother, Inej Ghafa's Father

Tags: Alternate Universe - Regency, Alternate Universe - Historical, Implied/Referenced Sexual Assault, Napoleonic Wars, Jordie's dead again sorry poppet. Matthias isn't though!, Minor Matthias Helvar/Nina Zenik, Minor Jesper Fahey/Wylan Van Eck, Love Letters, maybe kaz should be a regency gent full time. they all wear gloves and are all repressed, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Written In the style of Jane Austen, (sort of), (I tried), kanej-typical intense pining

Author's summary/notes: “And have you made this entire call without once vexing or offending poor Miss Ghafa?” Captain Rietveld looked coolly at him. Inej bent her head over her sewing to hide her smiling, since she was not sure she would not laugh outright. She had not thought that Wylan would deliberately provoke the Captain, but perhaps his deference to his father did not reach anyone else. “I am sure that is not for me to decide,” said the Captain, “But I own I have been perfectly well behaved.” “Does he lie, Miss Ghafa?” “No— he has been quite tolerable company,” said Inej. “If not quite a perfect gentleman.” “You wound me, Miss Ghafa.” “I suspect I do not, Captain.” (A SOC Jane Austen/Regency AU) My summary/notes: This fic is so cute, I loved seeing the Inej and Nina's friendship in regency au, it was so sweet. Reading kanej interact with Austen coded manners was just so fun and fit them so well. If you love Jane Austen and Inej you will love this fic. The other crows relationships are in this fic and its so adorable.

A Hair's Breadth by QHQ

Wordcount: 60,833 Chapters: 46/? (hasn't been updated in a year and half)

Characters: Kaz Brekker, Inej Ghafa, Jesper Fahey, Nina Zenik, Matthias Helvar, Wylan Van Eck, Anika, Rotty, Alby Rollins, Pekka Rollins

Tags: Alternate Universe - Regency, regency au, Slow Burn, Marriage of Convenience, blend of the grishaverse and regency england, Basically, Touch Aversion, Past Sexual Abuse, Everyone Has Issues, Haphephobia, Minor Sexual Content, Canon-Typical Violence, Lack of Communication, Fake Marriage, Fake/Pretend Relationship, everyone is a badass

Author's summary/notes: Kaz Brekker has torn Pekka Rollins down. Brick by brick - just like he'd promised. Having wiggled himself into a position to inherit all of Rollins' estate, he finds himself at court, playing the same old tricks on fatter pigeons. Inej Ghafa is desperate. Lady Nina is to be married soon, and when that happens she will be returned to Tante Heleen and the Menagerie. Her only hope is to convince the newest noble at court - the dangerous Lord Brekker - to buy out her indenture. Needless to say: nothing goes as planned for either of them. My summary/notes: I have to warn you that this fic incomplete but its definitely still worth the read. QHQ is such a good Kanej writer I recommend their other fics. This fic has a good chunk of angst as its a marriage of convience.. but there are so sweet moments. They wrotes Inej's worries and experience of what its like to be a woman in regency era fit, and stayed honest to her character.

in another life by drisana

Wordcount: 55,009 Chapters: 9/20 (hasn't been updated in a year)

Characters: Kaz Brekker, Inej Ghafa, Nina Zenik, Jesper Fahey, Tante Heleen, Inej Ghafa's Mother, Inej Ghafa's Father, Kaz Brekker's Father, Kaz Brekker's Mother, Zoya Nazyalensky, Nikolai Lanstov, Genya Safin

Tags: Alternate Universe - Regency, Arranged Marriage, Marriage of Convenience, Married kanej learning to love each other, kaz arranges a marriage, so inej can work for the dregs, Marriage, Wedding, Scandal, Grishaverse racism, Abandonment, Major Character Injury, Separation, Reunions, Threats, Ravka being broke as usual, Complicated Relationships, Unreliable Narrator, so many creative liberties taken sorry i havent read soc in ages

Author's summary/notes: "What did you think of the Suli girl, then, oh Saint of great virtue?” Inej hears a match strike, then a drag of a cigarette before Brekker answers, “As lovely as she is smart. And smart enough to be utterly terrified of me.” Jesper wiggles his eyebrows, “Lovely enough to tempt you?” Brekker hesitates, and Inej sees Nina grin, a hand over her mouth and the other one gripping Inej like a lifeline. He leans back against the tree, dark hair disrupting his handsome features, and lets out a long exhale, “Yes.” My summary/notes: Stays true to Inej's canon background so be prepared for flashbacks, we do get to see her heal and grow. I'm not sure how much to say without spoiling but we have Kanej taking down *horrible* people together. A lot of Nina and Jesper appearances, especially Nina's friendship with Inej and Jesper's friendship with Kaz, we love them <3.

A Gentleman in Possession of a Good Fortune...Has No Need for a Wife by aplaceforallmyshipstoanchor @a-true-janian-reply

Wordcount: 29,892 Chapters: 8/12 (hasn't been updated in a few months)

Characters: Inej Ghafa, Kaz Brekker, Nina Zenik, Zoya Nazyalensky, Matthias Helvar, Jesper Fahey, Wylan Van Eck, Original Characters, Per Haskell, Pekka Rollins (mentioned), The Ghafas

Tags: Uneasy Allies, Marriage of Convenience, Heists, friends - Freeform, romantic content, But first a lot of buildup because we know these two, Alternate Universe - Regency, Regency-lite, Shenangians, Societal rules, Violence, Multi Chapter, What if the Crows were in Regency England and yet still got up to crime, More tags to follow, Panic Attacks

Author's summary/notes: The Ghafas travel to London to strengthen Mr. Ghafa's ties with English trade. Per Haskell's business is known as a well-established , if old fashioned, institution and enters into business with Mr. Ghafa. His apprentice Mr. Brekker, an austere young man, is secretly running the business and encounters the Ghafas at a ball. When Inej overhears vital information about an attack on Haskell's warehouse from a local gang she goes to Mr. Brekker for help. When Mr. Brekker needs her help again, the two orchestrate a courtship as a cover for their increasingly dangerous adventures. How far will the charade go? And how many times will Mr. Brekker try to convince himself their partnership is merely an investment for the future? My summary/notes: I adored reading Kanej develop in this fic, we get to see them grow from strangers to friends to...... and Mama + Papa Ghafa are in this fic, I love them so much. It was so interesting reading the way they adapted canon to fit and it works really well. One thing I loved was Inej being vigilante and being the Wraith in regency era. The writing is incredible

[reonnex]

Wesper Fanfic wip

This is a wip of a wesper fic I had been writing! I know I should be updating my own fic but I was kinda stuck on the next chapter and decided to write something else for a break as that has been the only thing I've been working on since middle of April :)

Note that this is not edited at all and only one small section of it! (Minor cw for mentions of the tonics Jan Van Eck gave wylan and his not so great parenting skills)

. . . . . . . . . . . . .

Jesper laughed after a joke Wylan had made, setting the bottle of vodka down on the table infront of them as the night continued on.

Jesper and Wylan had just finished a report on the lastest stocks and had been able to sell some new business that they had been stressing about the past few weeks, which they had to celebrate the fact.

Marya was staying away a few days visting Plumje and Alys who Marya viewed as family as well. She didn't see her as a daughter but did family even need a label?

Wylan had been worried about how Marya and Alys would get along, but he had nothing to worry about! Sure there was a little tension at first. Marya being Van Ecks first wife he tried to kill and Alys having to deal with Van Eck now in Hellgate. But after just a few hours the two became inseparable. Gossping and grinning like friends who kne each other for years.

So naturally, Jesper and Wylan had the night to themselves.

Like school boys breaking into their parents wine collection, Wylan had grabbed a few bottles from the wine celler a laughing giggling mess as he handed one to Jesper.

About only thirty minutes in to the night, Wylans cheeks were bright red now with a lopsided smile and his eyes seemed a bit unfosued.

"Im just saying-" Wylan giggled as the drink sloshed in his hand. "Think about it! Talking is just so interesting! Me just moving my mouth is sending vibrations through the air- Soundwaves- like how does thay even work? How can my body store information in my brain and I can transfer that data out by vibrations so perfect that they form sounds? Or words? For that matter why cant an instrument make words? Why can't an instrument talk to us!" He asked with full seriousness.

"Saints Wy you're such a lightweight." Jesper had laughed shaking his head. "You haven't even had a full bottle yet."

"Psh- I've drunk before! Drank...? I am drunk but I have drank plenty of times."

Jesper laughed out again. He could feel the tug of the acholol on him as well, and was definitely starting to feel drunk right now.

But definitely not as drunk as Wylan.

"You went to mercher parties growing up. How are you this drunk over not even one bottle?"

Because the ones they served at those parties are weak!" Wylan snorted. "They're like- sparkling water. And for your information Jesper Llewellyn Fahey." He teased. "I was too young to drink anything there before my father stopped taking me out in public. " He chuckled, as a unsettling feeling crept into Jesper at that comment. "The barrel though. Now this is drunk material." He held the glass up to the sky. "If this was given out to Merchers then...they would pass out. No one would be able to hold their liqueur. Maybe Kaz should replace them all next time if he wants to know secrets so badly."

Jesper laughed and shook his head again as he drank from his own glass, amused by Wylans rant.

"I used to hate drinking." He said after a moment.

"Im shocked." Jesper replied, gesturing to the now empty bottle sitting on the table infront of them.

Wylan shoved him playfully, resulting in Jesper snickering.

"Im serious!" He slurred out. "Did you know that acholol orginally was made up from rice, honey, and hawthron fruit?"

"I did not." Jesper smiled.

"Yeah! Though it could of just been grapes but it was found in residue clay pots in Shu-Han like- thousands upon thousands of years ago."

Jesper could listen to Wylan ramble for hours.

"Well technically acholol is just the name of a whole rang of molecules that are formed when oxygen and hydrogen atoms bind with an atom of carbon." Wylan explained as he drank more from his glass, frowning when nothing came out before looking back to Jesper. "But in alcoholic drinks, acholol is just the specific small molecule, ethanol." He replied.

"The ethanol....ethanol..." he snapped his fingers as if trying to find the word before finally continuing on. "Taste reminded me of my medication."

What?

"Medication?" Jesper frowned. This was not the direction he expected this coveration to go.

"Yeah!" Wylan smiled out. "Couldn't stand the smell of it for like the longest time. I would get nauseous and worry the doctor my father hired would give me more." Wylan said with such little care.

"Slow down what medicine?" Jesper asked, moving to place his drink down before leaning back on the couch, looking at Wylan worriedly.

"You know! The medication to cure me. To...to try to fix my brain to get me to read? I told you about it didnt I?"

No. No Wylan didn't.

[barrel-crow-n]

Kaz being horrible to Kuwei in chapter 3 (with Jesper occasionally acting as a Kaz-translator + a jab at Matthias because apparently Kaz can't stop himself) <3

"What did I tell you?" Kaz growled, pointing his cane at him.

"My Kerch isn't very good," protested Kuwei.

"Don't run games on me, kid. It's good enough. Stay in the tomb."

Kuwei hung his head. "Stay in the tomb," he repeated, glumly.

"Well?" Jesper prodded.

"I have other interests," Kuwei replied.

Kaz's black gaze pinned Kuwei like the tip of a dagger. "I suggest rethinking your priorities."

Jesper gave Kuwei another nudge. "That's Kaz's way of saying, 'Help Wylan or I'll seal you up in one of these tombs and see how that suits your interests.'"

"I would prefer to go to Ravka," he repeated more firmly. Kaz's flat black gaze fastened on Kuwei and held. Kuwei squirmed nervously. "Why is he looking at me this way?"

"Kaz is wondering if he should keep you alive," said Jesper. "Terrible for the nerves. I recommend deep breathing. Maybe a tonic."

"Jesper, stop," said Wylan.

"Both of you need to relax." Jesper patted Kuwei's hand. "We're not going to let him put you in the ground."

Kaz raised a brow. "Let's not make any promises just yet."

"Come on, Kaz. We didn't go to all that trouble to save Kuwei just to make him worm food."

There was a long, tense pause, then Kaz ran a gloved thumb over the crease of his trousers and said, "Nina, love, translate for me? I want to make sure Kuwei and I understand each other."

"Kaz-" she said warningly.

Kaz shifted forward and rested his hands on his knees, a kind older brother offering some friendly advice. "I think it's important that you understand the change in your circumstances. Van Eck knows the first place you'd go for sanctuary would be Ravka, so any ship bound for its shores is going to be searched top to bottom. The only Tailors powerful enough to make you look like someone else are in Ravka, unless Nina wants to take another dose of parem."

Matthias growled.

"Which is unlikely," Kaz conceded. "Now, I assume you don't want me to cart you back to Fjerda or the Shu Han?"

It was clear that Nina had finished the translation when Kuwei yelped, "No!"

"The your choices are Novyi Zem and the Southern Colonies, but the Kerch presence in the colonies is far lower. Also, the weather is better, if you're partial to that kind of thing. You are a stolen painting, Kuwei. Too recognisable to sell on the open market, too valuable to leave lying around. You are worthless to me."

"I'm not translating that," Nina snapped.

"Then translate this: My sole concern is keeping you away from Jan Van Eck, and if you want me to start exploring more definite options, a bullet is a lot cheaper than putting you on a ship to the Southern Colonies."

Nina did translate, though haltingly.

Kuwei responded in Shu. Nina hesitated. "He says you're cruel."

"I'm pragmatic. If I were cruel, I'd give him a eulogy instead of a conversation. So, Kuwei, you'll go to the Southern Colonies, and when the heat has died down, you can find your way to Ravka or Matthias' grandmother's house for all I care."

"Leave my grandmother out of this," Matthias said.

Nina translated, and at last, Kuwei gave a stiff nod.

[she-posts-nerdy-stuff]

New series idea: analysing my favourite (underrated) lines from Six of Crows

I feel like I haven't given you any analysis in a while, and I've had this idea for some time now so I thought it was worth giving it a try. This is going to be a list of my personal favourite quotes in Chapter 2 of Six of Crows with explanation/analysis for any that I have an explanation/analysis for - but if a famous or popular quote isn't included then it's not because I don't like it, it's just because I don't feel I have anything new to add to the existing analyses around it. And yeah, if you guys like this then I'll make it a more regular thing and go through chapter by chapter (probably sometimes including multiple chapters in one post), so let me know what you think!

(Also, I chose to start with Chapter 2 on purpose because I don't have loads to say about Chapter 1, but if anyone is interested I'm open to trying it in the future)

"every favour came with enough strings attached to stage a puppet show" - ugh words cannot explain my love of this quote. Not only is this a gorgeous and vibrant metaphor that brings forth very clear imagery, it also achieves two different concepts relating to the idea of the "puppet show". Firstly, we have the idea that Kaz is the puppet master and Ketterdam is his stage; he is in complete control, he can bend the city to his whims, and it's ultimate his say that can make or break someone. This is definitely the image we're given of Kaz in the opening two chapters, and this singular line really reinforces that, however the rest of the book and many of the descriptions in Crooked Kingdom unravel this view very quickly. This description far better fits Pekka Rollins, which brings me onto the other concept relating to the "puppet show": the question of who it actually is pulling the strings. Arguably Kaz is a puppet on Rollins' stage, and Rollins a puppet on the Merchant Councils'. each has power but each is ultimately at the whims of the other. This brings worth the suggestion that something darker is at play and that there's far more to Kaz than initally meets the eyes before we've even met him, so in short it's just completely and utter genius.

"Kaz hated a puzzle he couldn't solve, and he and Inej had concocted a hundred theories to account for the murder - none of which satisfied" - again, Kaz has thus far said a single line, and not one with a lot of information in it ("Yes and no. It's always good to have a country in debt to you, makes for friendlier negotiations) and yet we know so much about him - and even some details about his relationship with Inej! It even tells us a lot about Inej; we've been presented with a figure heralded as near-omnipotent in his city, someone no-one wants to be on the wrong side of, someone who has complete control over every conversation he has with you, and she is someone with whom he will spend hours trying to solve a riddle? So then, the reader is forced to think, what kind of power does she has? What makes her worthy of his closeness, why does he trust her, and why does she know him well enough to so intimately know his likes and dislikes? Inej hasn't even spoken yet.

"But it didn't feel neutral to Inej. It felt like the hush of the woods before the snare yanks tight and the rabbit starts to scream" - ok most of my enjoyment of this quote is just of the beautiful prose, however I would like to add that all six Crows experienced this sort of 'calm before the storm' leading up to the most painful experiences of their lives - Wylan thinking he could go to music school, Inej at the beach with her parents and calling sleepily to the man she though was her father, Kaz staying at the cafe and meeting Margit and Saskia, Matthias knowing he was going to be a big brother, Jesper seeing his mother for the last time when she picked him up and hugged him even though he was up past his bedtime, Nina feeling that she had purpose and loving the way she could help her country - so this could be considered foreshadowing.

" 'Care to place a wager?' Jesper asked.

'I'm not going to bet on my own death,'

Kaz flipped his hat onto his head and ran his gloved fingers along the brim in a quick saulte. 'Why not Bolliger? We do it every day,' "

"Kaz had done his best to teach her, but she didn't quite have his way with breaking and entering, and it took her a few tries to finesse the lock" - my main source for liking this quote comes from an analysis I did a while ago when someone asked me about comapring this quote and Kaz's self-proclaimed "shoddy job" of teaching her to pick locks. It's a while since I posted that so I'll run through it here briefly, basically it's very indicative of their relationship dynamic. Whilst both place the other on a pedestal, they do it in different ways, and Kaz particularly often glorifies Inej and almost finds it difficult to accept that she, like anyone, must be flawed. So if she fails at something, like picking locks as well as he can, and she cannot possibly be flawed then the error must be in his teaching - it can never be with her. It's also a glaring example of Kaz's self-destructive nature. My other reason for liking this quotes is just that it once again tells us about the characters so early on and without having to directly explain it to us - we know Kaz is good with locks because he tried to teach Inej and she isn't as good as him, but she still manages to get it open.

' "I'm a business man,' he'd told her, 'No more, no less,'

'You're a thief, Kaz,'

'Isn't that what I just said?' " - I ADORE this, but honestly all I can say for analysis is that it sums up the entire theme of the novels beuatifully.

"Now he looked like some kind of priest come to preach to a group of circus performers" - this sets up a great parallel that I've mentioned before in one of my "little details you might have missed/forgotten" posts, but it's also interesting to have it come from Inej's perspective since she's incredibly religious and performed as a travelling acrobat with her family. It's probably drawn from personal experience, someone in dark clothes who judges the brightness of Suli traditional clothing and/or culture and tries to preach religion to a group who've already long found it because they don't align with thier idea of religion. It's even possible that she links that idea with Kaz, not because of his actions but because he's from a country that has perversely sexualised and condemned her culture and he dresses like the rich merchants who would preach this exact kind of message - and possibly even have visited her at the Menagerie, where she was forced to appropriate her own heritage and way of life for the enjoyment of those who look down it with no reason for doing so.

"Inej pitied the boy who might die alone with no one to comfort him in his last hours or who might live and spend his life as an exile. But the night's work wasn't over yet, and the Wraith didn't have time for traitors" - this is one of the few but fabulous examples we get of the idea that "Inej" and "the Wraith" are separate entities; Inej being the girl she was, the girl she should have been, and the Wraith being a creation of necessity to aid survival. Inej is a religious young woman from Ravka who has been through far more than she should have done, but the Wraith was born and raised on the blood-soaked streets of Ketterdam and has every intention of surviving them - no matter the cost. This concept is only mentioned a few times, however it runs a beautiful parallel with the distinction between Kaz Rietveld and Kaz Brekker, or Kaz and Dirtyhands depending on how you look at it.

Ok I realise this is a pretty long post but thanks for reading it if you got this far, and I really enjoyed making this so please let me know if you guys would enjoy seeing more. And, in summary, Leigh Bardugo is a genius

[bubbles-for-all-of-us]

Exactly as you are

Previous chapter/ Next chapter

a/n I am so sorry for the long wait. Life just really took over and snatched my creativity with it. I hope you will enjoy this! Thank you for all the love!🤍

summary: when two broken souls meet something is bound to happen.

warnings: blood, murder, sexual abuse, fighting, past trauma.

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"Look at me. When I tell you to run, you do, and you don't look back", the basement was cold. Not even the little fire that fought with all the urge to stay blazing could do anything about it. The dampness had seeped through the walls, leaving the room drenched in the smell of mold. "But…", you tried to fight back, but Paola's face, barely illuminated by the flame, came into view as she clasped your shoulder, shaking you slightly. Not enough to hurt, but enough to pull you out of your train of thought, "I got this figured out, Y/N/N." It was the desperation in her eyes that made you still. Made you look up at her. Made you focus on her features. The dullness drowned her now.

"For once, do what I tell you. Don't make this any harder", she pleaded. You bit back on your words. Swallowing them down just as Paola had taught you. You can think whatever you want in your head; she advised you once, that will never kill you. Just don't let the world slip out. You let them slip, and you'll find yourself hanging. At best. You remember nodding at her words back then. Remember watching her move around the basement as she got things ready. You had no idea what was happening or that this was going to change your life forever.

The sound of the outside doors being slammed still echoed in Kaz's ears. He was trying to roughly shove the thoughts down. A professional. Kaz was a professional at drowning his emotions the way they drowned him. He didn't mean it. Didn't mean any of the words that had slipped past his lips. Yes, he was angry because he needed this done. This was dragging out for too long. Many eyes were on him. Many people were waiting for an answer, for an order. Kaz simply didn't have the luxury of spending more time looking for the person responsible for that brawl in the club.

"She walked out", Jesper stormed through Kaz's office door in a rush. Slightly breathless - most definitely the effect of running up the stairs. "You think I don't know?", Kaz said dismissively. It was hard to pick up on the tone of his voice. Was he referring to the inevitable—hearing the way the door was slammed and being the reason for it? Or was there something else? Something that ran deeper.

"Inej is following her", Jesper stated strongly; he had been the one to send her out. No one ran across the shadows faster than her. If anyone could find you deep within the streets, it was her. And after the last incident, all of them acted quickly. All of them knew how this could end. This all might have been a trial planned to test them because, still, neither of them could believe the fact that Kaz would go and raise his voice at you or push you away like that. And even if the crows didn't have much time to think about it, they all hoped this was just that, just a trial, because if you were to never come back… No, that couldn't be an option now.

"There's no need; you can tell her to come back", Kaz waved a hand at Jesper. The male looked at him with confusion all over his face. Surely, he had gotten something wrong. "Kaz…", Jesper said again, hoping to help his boss genuinely let the words of reality sink in, but Kaz only glanced at him emptily. "Jesper, I said leave her".

That didn't sit well with Jesper. None of this did. It didn't make sense. Anger. True anger that was fueled by frustration rushed through him. "I don't understand you. You make this big fuss over the accident in the club, but now she's alone roaming the streets at night, and you'll just sit here?", those words slipped past Jesper's lips way quicker than they usually did. Most of the time, he weighed them. At least slightly. Now it all just came rushing out. There was no room for funny bickering here. "Anything else?", Kaz asked coldly, moving towards the cabinet that held the liquor. Neatly arranged by you. With his favorite glasses up front.

Jesper hesitated. He did, but he just couldn't. Couldn't keep quiet even if Kaz outranked him. Even if Jesper was nothing more than an investment. He just couldn't. Not when you had become family, and Jesper was ready to do anything for the people he loved. The frustration seemed to surface, and the last straw in him broke. "Sometimes…", he stated, hating that his voice had gone so much quieter, "Sometimes I wish I had never met you, Kaz". The world lingered. The air thickened, but nothing changed.

Jesper didn't wait to be dismissed. He turned around before walking towards the door. The slam rattled the walls, making the picture frames shake. Kaz just looked ahead. He could hear Jesper giving orders downstairs. Orders that no one should be allowed to carry out because they didn't come from Kaz. But he let them play free-minded rebels. Let them feel like they were important enough to go out and look for her. Sitting back down, Kaz reached for the flask with alcohol in it. Glancing at the clock. Hating the concept of time, even more than he usually did. As the absence of you seeped into his bones.

"What do you see?", your body was spread out on the bed. It was way past 3 a.m., and Kaz had given up on work about an hour ago. An hour of laying in bed beside you as you make shapes with your fingers that cast shadows onto the wall closest to the bed. Kaz turned his head to the side, watching you clumsily arrange a pattern with your fingers. "Come on, guess", you urged him, letting out a giggle, and it took all the strength for Kaz not to cackle along with you. He knew it was a bird, and knowing your creativity, it was most definitely a crow to honor him, but that didn't mean that Kaz was going to give in.

"A teacup?", he asked so seriously. "Are you messing with me?", you huffed, moving your fingers to imitate the flapping of the wings, but Kaz still shook his head. "Who has floppy ears?", "Brekker, I swear to what's holy", you lowered your hands to your knees, frowning at him. Kaz looked back at you. The hair that had now fallen out of the tight bun on top of your head. The shirt. His shirt had slipped off one of your shoulders, allowing him a glimpse at your porcelain skin.

"Can you pout any harder?", Kaz teased, making you gasp, and you instantly pushed both of your palms into his chest, pushing him slightly. Your mind started to scream at you as it always did when you touched him without thinking it through, but Kaz only grinned as he looked up at you, making you narrow your eyes at him in return. "It was a crow…", you muttered, running your fingers over the hem of his shirt. Kaz only hummed in return, "I know". You blinked a couple of times before your eyes dared to look into his ocean-deep ones. "Why didn't you say anything?", Kaz turned his head towards the ceiling, closing his eyes. The tiredness finally begged him to sleep.

"I just like it when you fuss over something important to you", your face turned crimson as you quickly moved your palms to cover your burning cheeks, but Kaz caught your wrist. The touch didn't linger for long but was enough to give you the idea that he didn't want you hiding your cheeks. "Lay with me", he whispered, making more room for you to get comfortable. You didn't hesitate, quickly laying back down. Now face to face with the man—a man, not a boy—that made your heart beat just a little faster.

You crept around the house like a true mouse. Clinging to the walls and the shadows they cast. Up the stairs. Down the hall. A sharp turn left. Until the next nook where you would turn right, and here it would be. The door to the backyard. The backyard would send you to your freedom. The backyard will hide you beneath the bushes and trees until late afternoon when you'll be able to run through the fields unnoticed. Paola told you to move only when the clock struck five and move in the pattern that she had made you memorize and retell her a thousand times. She didn't speak that morning and encouraged you to do the same, only glancing your way once more before she was ready to go, rushing back to kiss your forehead one last time, and then she disappeared.

But something inside you screamed to not go. Not yet, at least. Upstairs, it ushered for you to go upstairs. You knew your time here was coming to an end. You either run or stay back, and staying back seemed more than dangerous now. You caught a glimpse of a carving knife on the kitchen table. Quickly snatching it as you let your inner voice guide you. The house was quiet. Too quiet. Maybe no one was home, and that's why she told you to go.

Paola had much thicker skin. Especially after your parents had died. She never cried, or at least you never saw her do so. Her gaze was icy, and she had no issues scolding you after you whimpered for too long. We don't have the luxury of weeping, you silly goose; pick yourself together, she would say. And so you did. What else were you supposed to do? And even if her tough love hurt you most of the time, you still clung to her, following her like a lost puppy.

The wooden beams cracked beneath your feet, making you still. A cold shiver ran down your back. Eyes. There had to be eyes watching you. So you gripped the handle of the knife tighter, making sure that it was ready for the blow. A look around. That's all you would do, and then you would be gone. But it didn't take you long. You opened the doors to the second room upstairs, and your body seized. "No…", you muttered, dropping your knife carelessly to the side as you rushed into the tiny laundry room.

"Paola", your hands gently rocked her, but she was all bloody and laying there like a broken rag doll. Hands tied, legs spread open, "Lola, you need to wake up", you tried again, but nothing. Was this the plan? Was this what she had in mind? This so you could run? You pulled off the cloak from your shoulders, pushing it over her body, before moving to untie her wrists. Something inside you flickered. Anger seeped through your bones. Where were the old fool's promises now? Where was that better future? Where was the home if all you had done was survive as slaves? You knew that Paola had jumped headfirst to warm his bed just so she would keep you safe. At least for now. At least till you come of age. So when the faint sound of footsteps approached the room, you knew that something had to be done about it.

"We have to go get her back", Nina said as she paced the living room, rubbing her hands together as the worries grew. Inej had returned with a pale face not long ago. Muttering that she just caught a glimpse of you being dragged into the carriage by two males and that you were unconscious, "He's delusional; that's what he is", Jesper grumbled angrily. They needed Kaz, and Kaz needed to do something and do something fast. No one was ever left behind, not by crows, and you were not an exception. "We can look for the carriage. I remember how it looked, and then…", Inej stated, but Jesper was quick to shake his head. "We go to that place, and we look for anything; maybe they had left something behind". But none of them got to answer the suggestion.

"Sit down, all of you", Kaz's voice rang out through the place as he limped in, his cane clacking against the floor. Yet they didn't. They didn't move. Staring at him in frustration. Kaz ran a hand over his face. He needed them, but it was clear that they were slipping away from him. Driven by one force only: to get you back. "I know where she is", Kaz said, and the gasps and curses that followed were far from pleasant. Or maybe they carried some sort of relief. Thar Kaz still had it in him. To do things like he always did. To be a step ahead.

"Pekka has her, been looking for her for some time", Nina swayed, quickly sinking into the chair closest to her. The silence was torturous. Kaz could feel the fear now. This was a low blow; he knew it was painful, but they were far from enduring the real torture. "And you're here while she's…", Inej stepped forward, hand on her daggers. But Kaz only puffed up his chest. "This is how it's supposed to be if we want to take him down". Far away. Kaz tried to be far away from the actual situation. He didn't think about this from a dangerous perspective. "You're using her…", Jesper's voice was bitter. Like a snake. And the venom. Kaz felt the venom that was practically spat his way but he couldn't and wouldn't let it cloud his judgment.

"No, I am helping her get rid of him", he said calmly before dropping a handful of papers onto the table. The crows looked among themselves. Fear. Anger. Worry. Confusion. So many emotions. So many things. So many choices. But Kaz only glanced at them before clenching his jaw as he leaned over the table. "Now, you listen to me, and you listen to me very closely."

For a while, you weren't sure in what dimensions you were flouting. Sounds and smells were all mushed into one big blob. At times, you felt like you were there. A step closer to opening your eyes. But a flashback from the past would drag you back, making you lose all of the sensations in your body. "Look who finally joined us", the voice rang in your ears. It seemed too loud and mixed with the light that burned your eyes… You couldn't help but frown slightly. Your head lulled back. Your neck didn't seem to hold it. You weren't sure how you were even holding yourself up until you tried to move your hand and the chains rattled, not giving in to the pull. Chained from the ceiling like a true criminal.

"Feeling a bit drowsy, princess?", you heard footsteps approaching you, but you didn't lift your head. You gritted your teeth, trying to wait out the dizzy feeling. Keep it up. Hold yourself together. But dry, thick fingers wrapped around your jaw, throwing your head up and making you let out a grunt as nausea pierced through you. "Isn't she a beauty boy?", he snickered, brushing a thumb over your mouth. You knew that you kept on denying it. Yet you knew that wasn't going to change anything. It was Pekka who towered over you. It was Pekka who had sent you a warning in the club, and yet you were still here.

"Ahh, I missed you around here, darling", he said, tilting your chin up so he could take a better look at your face. Turning it from side to side as if you were an object under his inspection. As if he was double-checking if nothing was flawed. But at that moment, he was right in front of you. Inches away, you spat right into his face. Spat as if your life depended on it. Pekka startled back, and the laughter in the room died down. He quickly wiped the spit from his face, and then his hand came into contact with your cheek. The stinging feeling shot through you as the cold rings scraped your delicate skin. Leaving a pretty nasty gash there. But you welcomed the pain. Enduring it. Enjoying it. Letting a smile creep onto your face. "You little whore", Pekka said as he stepped closer to you once more, his hand wrapped around your neck, forcing your head back into the wall.

What is the point of living if you don't have anyone to fight for? That was the question that plagued Kaz. Someone. Not a thing. Not an object. Not money or power. A beating heart. And Jordie, whenever he reached Kaz, always spat those words at his younger brother. But caring was a weakness. One so dangerous that it could hurt more than a million bullets. But it felt like something from within Kaz had shifted, desperately trying to break through the years of coldness once you stepped into his life. And then Jordie's message changed.

It was no longer about finding someone. Finding a reason to want to live. No, now Jordie screamed for Kaz to open his eyes. To finally see it. And every time he would jump slightly, still chased by the choking fear, it was always you that he saw. Curled up not far from him. Hair all over the pillow. At times, your forehead would be pressed against Kaz's shoulder. And it grounded him. Knowing that you would always be there when he woke up was what made Kaz less afraid of the nightmare. Making them slowly subside, allowing him almost a full night of peaceful sleep.

Did he ever tell you any of this? No. Frankly, he didn't let himself believe it or think about it too much. Kaz didn't know how to incorporate feelings into what he did. He never weighed emotions while calculating outcomes. He never thought much about how others would react to his decisions. Now his moves could turn you against him. Could make you never look back at him. He could hurt you, not because he wants to, but because he doesn't know any better. "I'll show you all of me if you show me all of you", you had said to him the night after the incident. The night before, Kaz had promised himself that he was going to try. That he was going to be someone he had never been. Until he ended up turning you into a project.

When you opened your eyes once again, the room was a lot quieter. Uneasy feeling settling in your guts once again. This seemed like too much of a reply to the past. That same dread flooded through you. Just this time, you didn't know and couldn't feel who it might want to lead you to. Who was it for? Why was it calling for you once more? Like a distant, long-forgotten melody.

"She's under my protection, meaning I arrange the price", you felt bile coming up your throat once that voice filled your ears. No, this was a trick. A cruel trick. In the aftermath of the beating and sedatives. You lifted your head slightly. Vision hazy, right as a deep laugh, Pekka's laugh rang through the room. "You always amazed me", he said, swirling the drink in his glass. "She has been my property since she was ten; I just rented her out for some years". Your eyes were on the black silhouette that faced away from you. You tried to make yourself believe that there was no way that he would be here. No way he would stand in this room. There was no way that he would look, let alone speak, to Pekka, but once the gloves came into view, you knew it was Kaz.

"Well, rent her out some more", Kaz said coldly, pushing his glass further away from him. Pekka smiled before he stood up and made his way to you. Kaz turned to him as his eyes followed the older male, who slithered closer to you. "Look at her face; look how she looks at you", Pekka grabbed your chin roughly, almost picking you up off the floor. "I didn't know you had it in you, Brekker", the leader of the Dime Lions snickered, pushing his finger into the cut on your cheek. You heard Kaz's cane clicking sharply on the floor. A warning, but you doubted Pekka cared much about it. "Made her fall in love, atat", he warned you quickly as you started pulling onto the chains eagerly. If you could have, you would have bit him and spat at him once more, just your mouth was stuffed with the material of your dress, which was ripping right after you tried to act the last time.

Then, within a click of Pekka's fingers, a handful of his men rushed in. You only managed to see the motion of them entering the room. You couldn't see what was going on. You heard a growl of pain that made your knees buck, yet you still trashed around, pulling at the chains. Was Kaz okay? Was he fighting them? Was he hurt? Pekka stepped aside, his hand still on your neck, allowing you to see the sight in front. Kaz was on the ground, the side of his head bloody. Yet his farce look didn't seem to buck, even with two males holding him down.

"Do you want to save him, Y/N?", Pekka leaned in to whisper into your ear, sending a shiver down your back. Kaz looked up at you from the ground. For the first time since all of it. His blue eyes pierce through you. Yet there was so much writing behind them that you couldn't read through all of it. "But you wouldn't you care", came a bitter laugh as the older male shook his head. "After all, it was you who killed Paola", your body ran cold. Eyes shot up to look at Pekka. You shook your head. "No?", Pekka said with a joyful laugh that got carried by the room as his man joined in.

"She burned her blood, Kaz", Pekka said happily as if he had just walked in with the biggest prize of the season. "Kaz, Kaz, you made a mistake", you only shook your head harder as angry tears started to seep down your cheek. "I tried to save the poor girl, but I just couldn't help her", the saint's voice only made Pekka sound more like a drenched killer, but he enjoyed it and rolled in the glory as Kaz's mortified eyes looked at you. To change it. To take away the loving gaze. To crush it. To use it. Pekka walked up to Kaz. Motioning for the two males to lift the dirtyhands up. Turning briefly towards the table that was behind him. "Do you remember this?", he asked, lifting the knife into the air. The knife that you had taken from the kitchen back in the old house.

"Now we will play a game", he said, ming you let out a broken sob, trying to pull your hands free. The harsh movement cracks your skin open. "Don't", Kaz said quietly. You knew the words were directed at you, but you didn't listen, "Y/N, don't". Your eyes shot back at him, but you couldn't; you weren't going to let him be the one getting hurt. "You might make me cry", Pekka coded, before the sharp side of the blade slipped up Kaz's left arm. He clenched his jaw. Not a single cry of pain slipped past his lips.

The ringing in your ears picked up. The sound of clacking only got louder. You could see Pekka's lips moving, but you couldn't hear him. Your breathing became shallow. You watched cut after cut painting Kaz's skin. The blood fell drop by drop, coating the floor beneath him. And when that same dagger was placed right under Kaz's neck as Pekka took a handful of his hair, throwing his head back, you let out one more cry until everything cracked and the darkness took hold of your hand.

Kaz was ready to take it all. Handle it all. He needed to buy time. And lots of it to give the other a chance to get everything done correctly. He didn't allow himself to look at your lifeless body, which hung limply from the ceiling. A glance. And even that was too much. Even that made him want to just put a bullet between Pekka's eyes. But he couldn't. He needed to stick to the plan.

But quickly Kaz realized that, just like him, Pekka had his agenda here. Kaz was welcomed in so easily, not because of his smart ways. Oh no, Pekka needed him, and now Kaz knew why. Now that he has watched you get swallowed by the flames that erupted from within you, the metal drip down into your skin. Grisha. You were a Grisha. An inferno of some sort. Never before had Kas seen power like this, but now didn't look like a small girl; you were the weapon.

Pekka let out a satisfied laugh. His grip on Kaz loosened, and with some of his men stepping back, this was the opportunity he needed. With a swift blow, Kaz hit Pekka in the stomach. Sliding across the floor towards his cane. Quickly launching it back at the old man, "You did what I tried to do for years, Brekker; you are the key to lighting her up", Peeka spat, trying to draw even more blood. To fuel you even more. But that only made Kaz angrier. He was not going to be a part of this. Not going to be the reason you get hurt even more.

A fearful cry, however, made Kaz turn his head back at you. Your head was now dropped low as you stared at your hands. It was clear that you were not used to this form, and the discomfort was hard to miss. However, before Kaz could move towards you, he felt the back of the blade come in contact with his shoulder blades, sending him down to the ground. Pekka quickly turns Kaz around, and right as he was about to drive the blade through his chest, a wave of flames washes over the room, and right before Kaz's eyes, Pekka got swallowed by it. Trapped within the heat. Licked by flames without a chance of escaping.

Kaz moved from beneath Pekka, whose tortoise screams filled the place. The door swung open, and the rest of the crows rushed in. Yet they were stopped by the ring of fire that now surrounds you three. Kaz glanced back at you. Your hands pressing against the floor, still covered in flames. Your body was seizing. Eyes empty as you look ahead of yourself. Kaz wastes no time as he crawled toward you. The smoke was getting thicker, burning his eyes and filling up his lungs, but he ignored it. Ignored it alongside the shouts of the others.

You. Only you mattered, and Kaz needed to get you out of here. "Y/N", he mumbles, inching towards you. Kaz took off his gloves quickly, tossing them to the side. He tried to catch your eyes, but they look through him. Pekka's cries made him clench his jaw for a moment. "Look at me", Kaz said. "Come on, you can do this", he reassured you, yet nothing changed. A trickle of bright red blood slipped down your lips, and your eyes twitched. Kaz's palm quickly cupped the side of your face, but he drew his hand away quickly. Your skin felt like it was on fire. A shiver ran past Kaz's back. How? How was he going to pull you out?

He looked back, trying to make out Nina somewhere in the back. But the fire and smoke shield them away completely. It's when he saw that same bright blood covering your lips. Breaking from within. Burning from within. Kaz moved his back onto your skin. Hissing against the burning sensation as he lifted your face gently, "Y/N…", he breathed out, "I need you… I need you, you need to pull yourself out", he pleaded. And for the first time, he truly did. Because he did need you. He needed you in so many ways and he hasn't acted on any of it. But he wanted to and now he needed you to come back to him. Your dead eyes look at him. Not a glimpse of the soft eyes. The little spark. Pure darkness. Icy flames dance within. But then Kaz always liked the darkness. He liked the power it held so he leans in. Crashing his lips to yourself.

He could feel your flames dancing against his sides but they don't burn him. They hugged him. Your body stilled. For a moment, it felt as if your heart had stilled beside it. And Kaz was about to pull away when you kissed him back. Kissed him back with all that had been amped up inside you. And the kiss lingered. It lingered because neither of you wanted to pull away, but when you did, your body sagged to the floor. Kaz was right there to catch you.

The flames slowly started to die out, and Kaz pushed the sweat-drained piece of hair away from your skin. Your body was still burning, and that worried him, but at the same time, now Kaz could look down at the true color of your eyes. "Kaz", you muttered, and he was quick to nod his head. "I'll always find you no matter what pulls us apart", he said just as breathlessly, trying to keep you up in a comfortable position, but then a cough slips past your lips. A cough that left your lips and Kaz's palm bloody, and then all Kaz could hear was a bone-crushing screaming.

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

Kazle Dazle taglist: @igakc @anxiousbeech @vicky-09 @coldheartedmar @teigo-the-explorer @whos6claire @0bsessedwithfictionalcharacters @dal-light @outlawqueen17 @littletargaryens-blog @honeyrydernot @woowwwee @kazzledazzle-s1d3 @soby0 @tremendoushearttaco @queenofshinigamis @aeslenya @lu123sworld @twlegit

[huntershowl-moving]

SHIPPING INFO // ANSWER THE FOLLOWING FOR YOUR MUSES SO PEOPLE KNOW HOW SHIPPING WORKS ON YOUR BLOG.

WHAT IS YOUR OTP FOR YOUR CHARACTER(S)?

i don't have one particular otp — big ships change depending on the Era hellhound is in!

HOW LARGE DOES THE AGE GAP HAVE TO BE TO MAKE IT UNCOMFORTABLE?

nothing illegal obviously — other than that, aside from long-lifespan characters whose mental maturation is slower, i generally stay away from with 10+ year age gaps when the younger muse is under 20. just feels like a weird power dynamic i guess?

ARE YOU SELECTIVE WHEN SHIPPING?

yes! ships on this blog cannot be pre-established — i tend to lose interest fast if they don't build up naturally, either through lots of ooc plotting or through writing. on top of that, seph is ... piiiiicky. she has very specific Types. generally, ships with very gentle, soft, mentally well-adjusted characters are possible, but transient — seph falls out of love after a point, but remains staunchly protective of them.

the long and short of the matter is she's a freak, and you kind of have to match that to be compatible as a long-term partner. but even then they don't always line up perfectly! idk. seph's weird. simultaneously very easy to ship with and very hard to ship with.

WHO ARE OTHER CHARACTERS YOU SHIP YOUR CHARACTER WITH?

oh i've got lots of good ones going on right now!! pls forgive me for gushing. focusing on currently heavily-plotted and/or written ones for this bit bc otherwise it will be pages and pages!! if i forgot someone you have full permission to impale me on a pike i am SO SORRY. (all of these will be under a readmore at the end of the post for length!)

there are more sort of beginnings/potentials for ships that haven't been explored yet which i haven't included here, but i'm truly excited to see where each and every one of them goes!!!

DOES ONE HAVE TO ASK TO SHIP WITH YOU?

yes absolutely hahaha — at least communicating ooc about it is necessary! i'm much more comfortable shipping with partners i mesh well with as a mun and have an easy time talking to.

ARE YOU SHIP-OBSESSED OR SHIP MORE-OR-LESS?

LOOK I. LISTEN. LISTEN... IM FERAL FOR SHIPS. FERAL. even though seph is picky about them — and i promise it's not personal if it doesnt work, it truly is just her dumb creature ass being unable to normal.

WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE SHIP IN YOUR CURRENT FANDOM?

N/A for this blog, but as a fun trivia fact, i'm deep in satosugu hell rn

FINALLY, HOW DOES ONE SHIP WITH YOU?

it's all vibes babey. we just start writing their non-romantic dynamic buildup, and if it clicks (or even if u just think ur character would have a crush!) we talk about it ooc and plot some more, then plot some more and before u know it, the angst hammer looms over ur head

Tagged by: @bearratic (thank youuuu!!) Tagging: (points) do it

ship gushing below. <3

@vsagis' villain izuku— i had to put u first bc u kickstarted this shipping renaissance. seph and izuku clicked instantly and started a long-term trajectory that i don't think either of us writers expected. they're just freak enough to match each other, just soft enough to genuinely care. we're really putting these two through the horrors(tm) and watching them fall hopelessly, horribly in love. <3

@spiritcrown's pasha — how could i not mention pasha!! i was so happy to see you back, because pasha and seph's relationship was soooo formative for seph's development wrt romance. seph is absolutely, completely and utterly devoted to pasha. they worship at the altar of her. they would bend heaven and raise hell for her.

@crowshoots' jesper — UAHGHGBBHBH INCOHERENT CRYING NOISES. the first thing seph noticed about jesper was extremely respectable fighting skills, but even then they were definitely uhhhh touch and go for a while there before they started to simmer down and. pin each other down and — one thing led to another and jesper's being antagonized by her antagonists and they're too deeply in love to go back!! i love them. i l

@crowgreeds' kaz — HHHHHHHHH god. hi siri i know ur not around the dash much but idc im writing u into this. kaz and seph both have such a darkness in them that the other recognizes and not only feeds, but when necessary, balances. they're ruthless and violent and mean but at the same time, they have such a softness for each other that they both thought was dead. also, you're the recipient of probably the best rp reply i've ever written (that fucking. hellhound kill description. my GOD im feral for seph protecting him)

@tewwor.... goose is2g we really have the creatures ever. litho — FIRST SHIP!!!! FIRST SHIIIP i still cant believe it took 4 irl years for them to finally admit their stupid feelings. now they're soulmates and there's no turning back. he's the reason seph likes poetry in every verse. the softest snarkiest ship. probably the closest to a true YA-style soulmate seph has. she hasn't forgiven him for all the twilight jokes though tough luck jie & ricochet — the boys... the absolute chaos trio... i never expected seph and jie to fall for each other but honestly i should have. he falls so neatly into her "equally feral" type. ricochet is so calm and seph is kind of intoxicated by that. sheathed claws kind of vibe. just love these three their dynamic balances itself so well

@spungolden's dio — two femmes raised as weapons with deeply suppressed emotions, chillin in a murder alley, five feet apart cause theyre not g— (theyre gay. theyre so gay) these two are so sweet they sometimes make me tear up. they skipped the trauma stage and went straight into lesbian domestic fantasy with only occasional murder.

@chaoslulled oh boy(s). toji — brutally in love. they saw and embraced each other's monster, refused to shy away, and now they somehow revolve in this strange orbit of violent and incredibly soft with each other. i think he's the first of the current ship lineup that seph has in-thread said the L-word to. this ship was so easy to jump right into, the chemistry was like lightning in a bottle. satoru — one of the most genuinely unexpected slowburn ships i've stumbled into. these two read each other for filth INSTANTLY as lonely motherfuckers who, in some way or another, had loved and lost. they haven't even gotten to the oh-shit moment in the slowburn yet but i'm lookin forward to it yakuza sukuna — THE PAIN. THE SUFFERING. AUHHHGHGGGG HOL YOU'RE FUCKING KILLING MEEEE. these two are mirrors in the worst possible way. they've got their throats stuck under their boss' boot heels; they've been disfigured, they've had their siblings used as leverage, they've been made into muzzled dogs. despite hating each other at the start, they can't not recognize that, and it's led to this fierce protectiveness that isssss whoops evolving into feelings. i'm sure nothing will go wrong

@eraserisms' shota — AHHHHHHH god okay most of this ship has been pure plotting vibes and responses to memes, but i truly cannot wait to get into writing more of them because they own my heart and soul. i think they know each other to the marrow in a way that's not super common for seph, and the gentleness and caution with which they're starting to explore revisiting their care for each other is heartbreaking in the best way

@sasouken BEE!!!! ok chronologically(??): deku — so precious and wholesome from the start. your honor he's just a little guy with a big dumb crush. when i tell uuuuuu some of our plotting has literally made me tear up a little??? the absolute bleeding heart on this boy??? HURTS ME??? one day they'll hold hands casper — slated to be our angstiest dynamic, i just Know it. two motherfuckers who love their siblings, inextricably involved in a tangled web of crime and violence. two people who have lost so much and don't want to lose anyone ever again. i will die i WILL satoru — such... a different vibe than i was expecting in an amazing way?? his dynamic with seph is so fuckin sweet? so much physical touch born of trust and comfort. also again: her first ever fwb (for now), which is truly a wild thing to experience. sukuna — i .. . dont even know what to say about this one. (affectionate). he unlocked an entirely new dimension of freak in seph's psyche and attraction style that i couldn't comprehend before we started writing them but retrospectively makes so much sense. what the fuck is going on with these two i have no idea but i am OBSESSED with it. also writing them getting down nasty has been extremely fun, i'm enjoying it a lot

[babydollmarauders]

have you done lovie + jack headcanons??? if not i would love to see some!!! <3

i have not! and i’m ngl, i’ve never done headcanons, so i had to ask the gc how to do them— so i hope i haven’t failed you with these!

this is so late and i’m so sorry. this has been sitting in my drafts for so long now and i just remembered about it.

on Lovie and Jack’s first real date, they went to the drive-in, and Jack spilled his coke on her top. he thought it ruined his chances, but Lovie just laughed and stole the hoodie that she knew was under his passenger seat.

Lovie’s lockscreen was a picture of her and Jack after one of his USA games, all the way until El was born! then it switched to a picture of Jack holding El to his chest, doing skin time. it’s still her lockscreen to this day.

we all know Jack calls her “lovie” , but from that, she started calling him “love” and they both call El “lovely”. so it’s a family of love nicknames.

a few months into their engagement, Lovie was dress shopping with Ellen, and thought she found her dress, so she took a picture. later that day, she accidentally sent the picture to Jack instead of the selfie she took of her and Ellen out to lunch. Lovie proceeded to freak out for DAYS, thinking that she accidentally showed jack her wedding dress before the wedding. which prompted her to drag Ellen and Quinn into a different dress store one day while they were shopping, which led to her finding her the dress she absolutely fell in love with and ended up actually being her wedding dress.

Quinn once smacked 17 year old Lovie on the back of the head after seeing her cooing from afar over Jack playing with his little cousin. Quinn told her “don’t even think about it. you’re still teens.” to which she replied “i wasn’t thinking about it!” … she was definitely thinking about it.

when they first moved to Jersey, Lovie was still technically 17, so she felt awkward sitting with the other WAGS. after she opened up to Jack about her nerves, he let it slip to Bratt. it was Jesper’s girlfriend, Nicole, who took Lovie under her wing and made her feel comfortable, because “just because you’re young, doesn’t mean you aren’t a WAG. in fact, it may even be best, because we get to be there for you and teach you the ropes and how to deal with it all.”

Jack called her in tears on his first roadie because he was disappointed in how he played and overwhelmed with it all, and he just really wanted his Lovie in that moment. they ended up staying on facetime the entire night, even once they fell asleep.

Jack and Lovie’s first time was when his parents and Luke once went on a last minute trip to visit family and left him home alone because he had a game. afterwards, Lovie felt so guilty that she had come over and done something so scandalous while his parents weren’t home, that she called Quinn and confessed it all. Quinn and Jack both had to reassure her that she wasn’t a bad person for simply taking advantage of the alone time.

Lovie was a dancer from the time she could walk. Jack was able to go to a few of her recitals, and every time, he would bring her a giant bouquet of Lilies, her favorite flower, and was always put into awe of how graceful she was when dancing. especially because she’s a pretty clumsy person any other time.

when Jack and Lovie found out they were having a girl, they had to do a coin toss to decide if Jack would try and convince El to play hockey, or if Lovie would put her in ballet. Jack won, but as soon as El was born, they both scrapped it and decided that they’ll teach her the basics of both and she would be able to choose whatever she wanted to do, even if it’s not hockey or ballet.

Jack pre-cuts cucumbers for Lovie every morning if he can, because they’re her favorite snack and he knows that it can sometimes be hard for her to get a chance to make something to eat with El attached to her hip. so, he tries to have them cut and ready for her so that she can just take the container out of the fridge and not have to actually do any prep. sometimes she drizzles them in italian dressing, but most times she just shakes them in tajin.

[ephemeralgalaxies]

SHADOW AND BONE S2 SPOILERS BELOW (specifically Wylan)

back on my procrastination obsessing-over-comfort-characters flavored shit again here we go

Jack Wolfe did a great job getting me invested in Wylan all over again dear god idk where to even start for this. there's so much to discuss about his character portrayal in the show.

what I wanna talk about in this meta, though, is Wylan as neurodivergent (from a neurodivergent perspective), and I'll start it out by saying I absolutely loved it.

Having Wylan so obviously ND without actually saying it or making him "weird/outcast/gross" is so refreshing in media. Like, from the books (and mid-season of the show) we know that Wylan probably has dyslexia, making it harder for him to read. He shows his discomfort with this fact about himself, how his natural conclusion is that others will treat him less because of it. But something I've always admired about Wylan (and I think a lot of fans forget *squints at trends of infantilizing ND-coded characters*) is how he knows this isn't something to be ashamed of. He knows this doesn't make him any less incredible. But he just can't get it in his head that others would feel the same way. When he first lets Jesper in on how he can't read the passport, he's trusting Jesper with this. He looks around to make sure no one else will hear, anyone he doesn't have this bond with, faith in, yet. And he asks Jesper what the passport says. The look in his eyes is so pleading, so cautious, like this is a test. He's testing Jesper to see how he'll react to this, if he'll just be another name on the list of people Wylan has to learn to let go to keep himself safe.

And yeah, Jesper fucks it up. And he just keeps fucking it up, saying how he didn't know bc "you're just so smart!" (like that "oh, you don't look autistic!" "oh, you're too smart to be disabled" etc) (like ofc, that wasn't Jesper's intentions. But when your father sends you letters like "if you're reading this, then you know how much I want you to come back home," well what are you more likely to believe Jesper is thinking?) And finally, Jesper hits it right: "you have nothing to be ashamed of!" Except... it's pretty hypocritical of him here. So Wylan panics again, he's furious because he really does like this guy but how dare you. And then he sees how hurt Jesper is and oh shit. There's more to this. It's more complicated than "don't be ashamed," there's a commonality here. This isn't pity, it's empathy.

so yeah I absolutely adore how they addressed this in the show given the situations they were placed in (like, if in the books, Wylan had already formed a strong bond with someone in the group, he probably would've done this. But he really hadn't yet, no one had told him that they want to be around him, to understand him. Wylan didn't feel safe enough to test the waters. The situation from the show, however, opened up new possibilities that stay true to his character (imo)).

Though even more than that, just the sheer obvious ND traits that Jack shows with Wylan made me so happy. Like, especially all his tics and stuttering and it didn't feel ingenuine. He doesn't stutter through everything, just super stressful situations (which... is most of his situations in s2 lmao). Like, he's not stuttering when he's just driving in the cart with Jesper or when he's scolding him for seriously, you remember that now??? (like ofc Jesper would remember him in that position I swear-- "you brought me stroopwaffles!" jesper PLS). He holds it together when confronting Kaz about Alby (his voice breaks at first, he pauses, but he works up the mask to look sturdy and immovable. which,,, with kaz brekker he definitely needs). When telling Jesper why he left, he keeps steady. It's not all the time like the stuttering-representation I've seen before (specifically in fanfics).

AND THE HEAD SHAKE TICS!!!!!!! As someone that does that a lot, I was so happy to see him doing these (the excessive blinking as well), especially when he's more shy than stressed because yeah tics can happen any time, but especially any situation with a heightened emotion (and the guy u like telling u that he really wants to try things seriously with u with that soft voice/eyes/smile (this is just becoming me simping for Kit Young), like yeah I'd definitely be feeling a lot. AND IT DOESN'T TURN JESPER AWAY. The only thing that bothered him was that Wylan hadn't responded; he was worried the sentiment wouldn't be returned. But Wylan's actual tics have nothing to do with it.

And having him so sensitive to loud sounds (ironically) makes me so happy because YES!!! YES YES YES OFC. He loves music and chemistry because Wylan controls them. He can control the sound, the amount of it all, he can predict it. And it makes it easier to deal with. He doesn't flinch away from his own explosions (when he knows they're coming, unlike the one that destroyed the Crow Club) -- usually he covers his ears or hides his face ahead of time. He likes the higher piano keys, the flute puffs (forgive me, I am a cellist and a pianist, Idk what the harsher sounds from his flute when we first see him are called technically) when he can control them and their effects. And whenever he does react to other sounds/situations, he leans towards his one comfort-person in the group (Jesper), leaving him lost once he tries to sever that tie after telling Jesper that he can't read. Wylan leans on Tolya more instead (I love that so much for so many reasons) bc while Tolya is less known, he's just,,,,,,, okay I'm sorry but Tolya gives off such comforting vibes, alright? Like he's so amazing. I haven't read the SaB books yet, just SoC, so I saw everyone talking about him like "oh yeah ok. some cool character ppl love. aight we'll see how it goes." aND I LOVE HIM SO MUCH???

Like if I was in Wylan's position, given all the other characters around, I would definitely lean to Tolya for comfort. Also Tolya is a great fighter, like. alsdkfj no focus, Wylan first, Tolya meta later.

ALL THE INFO DUMPS TOO!!!! That urge to inform Jesper despite also wanting to be pissed at him bc pls be interested in this, I wanna tell someone so much. This is so important to me. AND THEN wanting to correct Jesper later when Jesper apologizes, even messing it up himself after hearing how Jesper pronounces it when Wylan knows how it should be bc god the echolalia, the subconscious ND urge to repeat what others said/how they said it/tongue just getting screwed up when u hear something wrong despite knowing how it should be. And then Wylan deciding that it's not important, that he has so much time now to correct Jesper, that he can explain it all and more later under the safety of roof and the morning sun.

I'm not crying you are.

okok I need to eat supper now but pls I love how Jack Wolfe depicts Wylan as ND so bad, it's so validating. Especially with an entire cast full of ND characters (u cannot change my mind that the Crows isn't ND Found Family. I love them so much) and how different everyone is still, showing so many side to neurodiversity. And that it's all valid. That Wylan is incredible and beautiful and brilliant, neurodivergence and all. That someone like him, someone maybe like me, could find a love (romantic, familial, platonic) like Wylan does with the Crows (and now more! since the show allows them to interact with the other series).

Representation matters, people.

[seidenbros]

Breaking the Ice - Chapter 2

Pairing: Wylan van Eck x Jesper Fahey Summary: “Do you need some champagne to make it through this time with me?” Wylan tilted his head to the side, a grin on his lips, obviously not serious about this at all. “I definitely don’t, darling, but who knows how long we’ll be in here, wo we might get thirsty.” The way Jesper’s eyes scanned his upper body, his neck, and stopped at his lips made Wylan think of something else entirely. He actually felt a little hot under the collar, and that only intensified when Jesper loosened his tie before taking it off and putting it in his pocket. “Been waiting to take this thing off ever since I put it on,” Jesper explained while he opened the top buttons of his dress shirt, drawing Wylan’s eyes immediately to the skin he was showing like that. Or Wylan’s POV of their first meeting, and the moment they got stuck in the elevator.

Warning/Tags: POV Jesper Fahey, POV Wylan van Eck, Alternate Universe - Hockey, Alternate Universe - Figure skating, Hockey Coach Kaz Brekker, injuries, Jan van Eck is the scum of the Earth, sexual content, implied child abuse A/N: Just like promised, it's Friday, and this means Chapter 2 💚

Chapter 1 Read on AO3

Wylan took another deep breath as he checked his reflection in the mirror. The dark green bowtie had been an idea from his coach Inej, and he quite liked it as well as the black suit and suspenders combination with the crisp white shirt. His hair looked rather curly today, but by now he’d given up on trying to tame them and just went with it. Everyone else seemed to love it - apart from his father who’d made him cut his hair when he’d been younger, so it was all the more reason for him to wear it like that.

It would have been lovely if Inej had been able to join him, but she had other obligations. She’d tried to switch some things around to make it happen, so that she could act as a buffer between him and his father, but it hadn’t been possible. All of that wouldn’t have been so bad, if they hadn’t put him right next to his father, because everyone thought that they wanted it. In fact, only his father wanted that to show everyone that they were a happy little family, but Wylan would have loved to sit at the other end of the room.

Jan van Eck was someone people admired, looked up to because he’d made a name for himself as a hockey star, and it was something Wylan understood, since his father was a legend. But as a person, he wasn’t what everyone believed him to be. He had so many memories he’d like to erase, and yet he still wanted to gain his father’s approval, make him proud. Honestly, he shouldn’t give a damn about what he thought, but he did. No matter how hard he tried not to think that way.

He grabbed his belongings and put on his jacket, before he stood here any longer reminiscing about his family and his life. He just had to get through the evening, and he would be free of his father for a while. If he was lucky even until around Christmas where they’d be at the Mayor’s Christmas Party again. For tonight, Wylan would just try to smile, make polite conversation and try to stay away from his father as much as possible. Once the dinner part was over, he’d just mingle with the people, see if he found anyone he knew, and then head home when he felt like it. That was the plan at least, since he wouldn’t be buying anything at the auction, and he’d find out soon enough, who’d be the highest bidder on the costume he’d worn at his last competition, when he’d won silver.

He didn’t take his own car but called for a taxi, because he didn’t know how the evening would go, whether he’d have more to drink than a glass of champagne, but knowing his father, he might definitely need it. Especially because his fiancée was accompanying him. Alys was a sweet girl, about the same age as him, so Wylan had no idea why she was by his father’s side. Maybe, he treated her differently than he did Wylan, maybe he actually cared for her, but since he knew how his father could get, he thought that she deserved better.

When he got there, his father was already at their table and Alys was sitting quietly next to him. Wylan was still earlier than most people, and he would have loved to stay back, maybe go to the bar first or take a look around the ballroom, but his father had spotted him, so he didn’t have a choice but to go over there. He knew that people were always watching his father, and so they’d watch their interaction as well - especially the photographers, since they loved taking pictures of the hockey legend and his figure skating son. Both of them were born to be on the ice, just in different sports, and that seemed to be the problem for his father. Well, at least one of his problems.

“They want to take some pictures of the three of us,” his father said the moment he approached his place at the table. No greeting beforehand, but Wylan hadn’t expected that anyway.

“Maybe we should do that straight away then,” he suggested, putting his glass down, but he didn’t sit down.

“Good idea. The food might make me look bloated,” Alys piqued up and actually smiled at Wylan. She’d never given him a hard time, had actually always been nice to him, Wylan just preferred to stay away from her when she started singing.

“You’d look beautiful either way,” his father cooed, and Wylan resisted the urge to roll his eyes. At least, they set into motion and found the photographer so that he could snap some happy family pictures of them. Wylan’s smile looked plastered on. It was the one reserved for occasions like this or when reporters asked him any strange questions, but people who knew him well could tell the difference between this smile and an honest one.

Once that was over and done with, Wylan seized the opportunity to take a selfie with the ballroom in the background for his instagram account, to let the people in on what he was doing. He captioned it with where he was and what he was doing, and that he was hoping for a great evening. With that done, he followed his father and soon to be stepmother back to their table.

Meanwhile, their table had filled with people, and he was surprised to see a familiar face. When Nina caught his eye, she smiled and waved at him. He hadn’t expected to see his physiotherapist here, but it was a nice surprise, especially because she was in company of the guy she’d been raving about - Matthias Helvar, Captain of the Ketterdam Crows. And next to him, there was the one they called Sharpshooter: Jesper Fahey. Wylan had seen him play a couple of times, because even though he didn’t play himself, was just not cut out for that, the years of living with a hockey legend had made him take an interest in the sport and learn whatever he could about it, had even played when he’d been a child. As much as he wanted to not like the sport itself, he couldn’t.

Jesper was really handsome, had an elegance about himself that was hard to describe and stood quite in contrast with the way he moved on the ice and could knock his opponents over. Wylan had to admit that his knees got a little weak when he saw him smile, when that smile was suddenly directed at him. He quickly looked down again, because apparently, he’d been staring and Jesper had caught him.

Over the course of the dinner, Wylan stole glances at him again, while his father’s voice dominated the conversation at the table, making Wylan wince, because of some memories he had. This time, his father didn’t raise his voice at him, because he’d done something wrong, but his loud voice still made these memories pop up, especially when he was sitting right next to him. 

He was glad when they only had their dessert left, but they’d have to wait a moment for that. After that, Wylan could get up and move around, meet some other people, and maybe enjoy the evening a little bit.

“You’re gonna dance with Alys later on. It will be great material for the press.” His father’s voice was lowered, close to his ear, and made him shiver.

“Excuse me?” Wylan turned his head to look at him.

“You heard me. She wants to dance with you.”

“What if I don’t want to?” Wylan knew that he was challenging him, but he also didn’t want to give in just like that. Not at twenty-six when he’d been living on his own for quite some time.

“Do you really want to embarrass me?” His father didn’t have a lot on him since Wylan had gone public with his dyslexia last year, not wanting him to have that kind of leverage on him anymore, and because he wanted to encourage other people with this as well, to show them that something like this didn’t have to hold them back, that they could still reach for whatever they wanted. But he still knew that his father would bring out whatever to get back to him.

“Fine,” he mumbled and got up so quickly that he nearly knocked his chair over. He was aware of the eyes on him, saw the worry in Nina’s eyes, but just smiled at her. “If you’ll excuse me for a moment.”

He needed a drink. Probably more than one if he was being honest, and definitely something stronger than the champagne they were serving. Of course, he wasn’t planning on getting black out drunk, but depending on how the evening would progress, he wouldn’t say that it was impossible.

He ordered a gin tonic and paid for it straight away. Maybe, he could pass some time by nipping at it, so he didn’t buy the next one in a matter of minutes. Little did he know that someone would change his plans.

It didn’t take long until someone appeared right next to him. When he turned his head, he realised that it was Jesper Fahey, and his heart immediately skipped a beat. Even more so when Jesper ordered a drink for him as well. He felt a little stupid for pointing out that he already had a drink, but Jesper’s reasoning was actually kind of sweet. The little conversation between him and his father hadn’t gone unnoticed, though he doubted that Jesper had heard what they’d been talking about. Wylan downed his drink to make room for the new one Jesper had ordered for him as well, because he was quite curious about the drink now.

It was sweet that Jesper introduced himself, though there was no need for that. He already knew who Wylan was as well after talking about his father.

“Do you now?” Jesper said, making Wylan’s heartbeat pick up its rate a little. Not because of the words exactly, but because of the way he said them and the way he was trailing his eyes over Wylan’s body. Once they looked into each other’s eyes, he felt the heat in his cheeks, knew immediately that they’d changed colour, and he was just hoping that it wasn’t too bad, or that Jesper wouldn’t really see it in the lighting here.

Of course he knew who Jesper was, because he knew all the hockey players for the Crows. He watched most of their games and followed trade deadlines, had talked to some of them, whether in person or on social media, but it was his first time talking to him. When Jesper mentioned that he’d thought he may have looked him up, Wylan felt rather bold for saying that maybe he had done just that. But they couldn’t get more deeply into the topic, which was probably for the better when their drinks were ready for them.

Jesper hadn’t exaggerated with the drink, because it really was delicious and it looked spectacular as well. For a moment, he hadn’t been sure, but when Jesper said that he didn’t just have a great taste in drinks and added that wink, he was sure that Jesper Fahey was flirting with him. Good, because Wylan was flirting or at least trying to flirt with him as well. He’d definitely like for Jesper to prove it to him, though - but they didn’t get the chance right now. Their next and last course would be served, so they had to head back to the table.

The way Jesper led him back to their table, made him shiver slightly. It felt good, very protective. When he talked about Wylan’s father, though, Jesper gained even more plus points with him. It was rare to find someone who didn’t like Jan van Eck. And he’d even save Wylan from his father and stepmother to be if he needed it. That was really sweet.

“I will,” he reassured Jesper, a smile on his face, when he asked about a dance later on. He really wanted that as well and so much more actually, so he took one of the pens on the table and tore a piece off his napkin so he could write his phone number on it. Maybe, he could hand it to Jesper later on, or put it in his pocket at least, since he might forget about it otherwise. His father changed his plans for the evening completely as soon as dessert was over. Wylan wanted to get up and maybe get another drink before he would say hello to some other people, but his father had already not been happy with the drink he’d brought to the table. Wylan rarely drank alcohol, so tonight was a special occasion for him, and he felt like he deserved this as well. His father on the other hand thought that Wylan would maybe embarrass himself just because he couldn’t hold his own liquor. 

“You’re staying right here where I can see you,” Jan van Eck said, putting a hand on the back of Wylan’s chair to keep him from getting up.

“I’m not a child anymore. I make my own decisions. You can’t keep me here.”

“Since I can’t change it, you’re still my child, and you need to behave properly.”

“What do you think I’ll do? Get drunk and start tearing off my clothes on the table?” Wylan squinted at his father, knowing that he was striking a nerve with this. Not because of public indecency in itself, but because people would see the scars on his lower back and his thighs, and that was something his father wanted to keep hidden.

“You stay right here.” Jan took the hand from the back of Wylan’s chair and wrapped it around his wrist, holding him so tightly that it hurt.

“Let go of me,” he said through gritted teeth, memories rushing back at him, and he balled his hand into a fist. He just wanted to go now, wanted to turn his back on his father and leave him here.

“You should behave and not be so ungrateful.”

“If you don’t let me go, I’ll tell everyone what you did to me. Everything.” Wylan doubted that he’d be so brave as to really do that here and now, but as long as he faked it well enough that his father would believe him, that was good enough for him.

“You wouldn’t dare!”

“Do you really want to find out?”

The moment his father’s hand around his wrist loosened, Wylan ripped it free from him and pretty much fled from the ballroom towards the elevator. Impatiently, he pushed the button a couple of times, as if that would change anything, but it felt like forever until the doors opened one way or another. With a sigh, Wylan stepped inside and walked over to the opposite wall. After pressing the button to the ground floor, he leaned back against the wall and took a deep breath. Just when he wanted to close his eyes along with the doors, they were held open. A little irritated, he opened his eyes again, and was surprised to see Jesper Fahey step into the elevator.

“Couldn’t let you dash off all by yourself.”

It was sweet, really, and it made Wylan’s heart thump against his chest, and he felt the corners of his mouth twitch up. It was an honest smile, because he was genuinely touched.

“And I see you brought something with you.” Wylan indicated the bottle in Jesper’s hand, who raised it immediately. Now, the door was closing and they began their way down.

“Thought that might come in handy after your… conversation with your father.”

Of course Jesper had seen that, but they’d been so quiet that Jesper couldn’t have heard them.

“I may have overreacted,” Wylan said, because he was used to it, not because he really believed it, but he also didn’t want anyone to think ill of his father. Though with Jesper, he was rather sure that he didn’t have to make that effort.

“I don’t think so. I have no idea what you were talking about and you don’t have to tell me, but your reaction is absolutely valid, because it’s what you felt at that moment.” Jesper shrugged his shoulder and raised the bottle to his lips to drink something, before he handed it over to Wylan, who took it with a nod of his head.

He was a little overwhelmed with the words Jesper had just said. They really touched him, and they had been so unexpected that he still had to process them. Still, he managed to say: “Thank you, that means a lot.”

Just when he’d finished drinking from the bottle, the elevator jerked, before it stopped altogether. Wylan’s eyes widened and his heart sank. This could only be some kind of joke, right? He looked left and right, before his eyes landed on the board with the buttons, but nothing was happening. It wasn’t just a feeling he had, the elevator was stuck.

“Are you kidding me?” he heard Jesper mumble, who ran a hand over his hair before stepping up to the board and pressing a few buttons. He ultimately landed on the bell and it only took a moment until someone was talking to them.

“Yeah, we’re in here. Is there anything you can do?” Jesper said, looking over at Wylan to see if he was alright. 

“We’re gonna check everything we can, and hopefully we can fix it. That will take a moment. If it works, the elevator will move again and if not, we’ll get back to you.”

“Thanks, we appreciate it.” Jesper stepped back from the intercom and looked over at Wylan. “Good thing we have something to drink with us then.”

“Do you need some champagne to make it through this time with me?” Wylan tilted his head to the side, a grin on his lips, obviously not serious about this at all.

“I definitely don’t, darling, but who knows how long we’ll be in here, wo we might get thirsty.”

The way Jesper’s eyes scanned his upper body, his neck, and stopped at his lips made Wylan think of something else entirely. He actually felt a little hot under the collar, and that only intensified when Jesper loosened his tie before taking it off and putting it in his pocket.

“Been waiting to take this thing off ever since I put it on,” Jesper explained while he opened the top buttons of his dress shirt, drawing Wylan’s eyes immediately to the skin he was showing like that.

“Not a fan of ties, I take it?” He quickly looked back up, though he figured that Jesper had taken notice of where he’d looked, judging by the smirk on his lips.

“They’re a necessary evil, but I prefer not to wear them.” It came with the job, because while they were wearing their jersey and gear on the ice, when they travelled or even had their home games, they had to come properly dressed, though most of the time, it was okay to skip the ties, except for special games.

“I get that, but it suits you really well.” Wylan bit the corner of his bottom lip. “But this suits you even better.”

“So… you like what you see?”

“Obviously.” That was out before he could think better of it, and so Wylan quickly raised the bottle to take a long drag from the champagne. Maybe, the alcohol was getting to his head, so that he acted this way. That might have been one of the reasons why Wylan put the bottle on the floor.

“Just for the record, I like what I see as well. Very much so.”

Wylan moved first, closed the distance between them and sought leverage on Jesper’s shoulder with his right hand, before he kissed him. He felt like his head was spinning, but this was definitely not from the alcohol, but because of how Jesper made him feel when his hands found his waist and squeezed. Wylan gasped into the kiss, and Jesper seized that moment to deepen the kiss, lick into his mouth. Wylan’s hand slid from his shoulder up along his neck and into his hair, grabbing it slightly. That made Jesper break apart from his lips with a moan.

“Sorry,” Wylan mumbled, a little embarrassed, because he thought he’d done something wrong.

“No need to apologise at all. Do it again,” Jesper breathed against his skin, peppering kisses over his cheek, heading towards his neck, and when he reached that, he pressed an open mouthed kiss against the delicate skin, it was Wylan who moaned, but he managed to follow Jesper’s request and grabbed his hair again.

His left hand managed to sneak beneath Jesper’s jacket, over his side and to his hip as he tilted his head to the side, giving him better access to his neck. This was definitely not where he’d seen himself end up tonight.

“This has to go,” Jesper whispered against his neck, but his lips steered up a bit so he could kiss him right below his ear, tearing another moan from Wylan while Jesper managed to take the bowtie off him. Where it landed, Wylan had no idea, and frankly, he didn’t care all that much. All he cared about was the hot man driving him out of his mind with the kisses he placed on his skin. When he sucked below his ear, though, Wylan’s knees almost gave in and he sunk against Jesper.

“Jesper,” he breathed on a moan, his fingers pulling Jesper’s shirt out of his trousers at his back, so he could slip his hand beneath it and touch his skin. He needed this right now.

“Good?” Jesper asked, nipping on his earlobe before he kissed his way down along his neck again

“Great… amazing.” Wylan’s fingers pressed against Jesper’s back, as his own body pressed against him as well, wanting to be even closer to him.

“Oh, I can feel that,” Jesper said with a grin as he raised his head again, looking into Wylan’s eyes, whose pupils were probably as wide as Jesper’s, because he was so aroused. He’d never been this aroused so quickly, and he definitely attributed that to Jesper. Wylan was glad that his cheeks were already flushed, because otherwise, he might have blushed at Jesper’s observation. Jesper, who pushed his hips forward a little more for Wylan to feel what he was doing to him in turn.

“Glad I’m not alone,” Wylan said through a smile, before he rose to the balls of his feet to kiss Jesper again. Jesper’s hands slid up from his waist and he wrapped them around Wylan’s suspenders.

“God, I love these,” he mumbled between kisses. “So sexy.”

Wylan’s heart was beating a mile a minute, but he still managed to do what he’d wanted to do. He pulled the hand from Jesper’s hair and reached into his pocket to take out the napkin piece and put it in Jesper’s pocket. However he had the brain capacity to do that, he didn’t know, but as soon as he’d done that, he placed his hand on Jesper’s chest, his thumb brushing over the patch of skin that was showing, because he couldn’t resist.

When their lips separated the next time, it was Wylan who latched his lips onto Jesper’s neck, nipping and sucking on his skin, until he couldn’t resist but leave a mark on him as well, since he was pretty sure that Jesper had left one below his ear before.

“Marking me up already?” The smile was audible in Jesper’s voice, his fingers pulling on Wylan’s shirt so that he could push his hands beneath it at his sides. Wylan moaned quietly at the skin contact, goosebumps covering his skin where Jesper touched him.

“You started that.”

Before they could say anything else, the elevator jerked again and continued its journey downwards. They both just stared at each other for a moment, but then they laughed together. Was it a good thing that it started moving again or not? Wylan wasn’t sure, because now that Jesper wasn’t kissing him anymore, and they were both making themselves look presentable again - as much as that was possible in their aroused state - his mind went into overdrive and he started questioning what he was doing.

This wasn’t like him at all. He usually didn’t make out with someone in an elevator like that. He had no idea where this would lead or what Jesper wanted out of this.

And so he panicked.

“Are you okay?” Jesper asked, touching his fingers to Wylan’s shoulder to get him to look at him.

“I’m… I don’t know.” Wylan shook his head, his heart racing in his chest, because he really wasn’t sure whether he was okay or not, but the panic rising inside him made him run both hands over his face and through his hair, leaving it in utter disarray. When the doors opened at the ground floor, Wylan stepped out immediately. “I’m sorry, but I have to go.”

If Jesper wanted to, he could contact Wylan, since he’d given him his phone number - without him knowing so far - but right now, Wylan wasn’t in the shape to spend more time with him, no matter how much his body and heart disagreed. He’d always been too much in his head as Inej liked to put it, but he couldn’t turn it off.

“Wylan…” Jesper stepped out as well, but Wylan was already halfway to the front door and only called back a sorry before he was out of the building.

Two things were for certain. Kissing Jesper had been one of the bravest things he’d ever done, because it was so unlike him. Leaving him standing there like this was one of the dumbest things he’d ever done.