#Definitely stayed because of Jesper

[toasttt11]

prague

September 29, 2024

Luke was sitting on Allison’s bed helping her fold her clothes that she was setting on the bed after taking them out of the closet, she was heading to Prague tonight and she was leaving pretty soon.

Allison tossed her toiletry bag into the suitcase, putting her shoe bag next to it with an extra hoodie and Luke put in the clothes on the other side. Allison put her suit bag in her suitcase last.

Allison grabbed her goose and her new turtle stuff animal setting them gently in her suitcase, Luke raised an eyebrow at the stuff animal but did not say anything, for now.

She flipped her suitcase close and Luke held down the suitcase with his good arm and Allison zipped it up.

She grabbed her backpack next tossing in all her electronics and personal items also any items she might need on the plane and tossed her purse in last.

Allison changed into a pair of black Devils sweatpants and zip of jacket and she walked out do the bathroom french braiding her hair as Luke had stood her suitcase up.

Luke was still upset that he was not playing with for her first ever NHL game but luckily he would be going with their parents to at least be there for his little sister’s game.

Luke opened up his arms and she walked over and he gently hugged her with both of his arms, “Have fun Goosey.” Luke mumbled softly against her bright blonde hair.

“Bye Lukey.” Allison mumbled back, she couldn’t wait till Luke is healed up and they will get to play together once again.

Luke and Allison shared a smile as they let go of each other before Allison grabbed her bags and they headed out of her room.

Jack was waiting for Allison at the front door with his bags. Luke and Jack shared a hug before Jack and Allison left the apartment and headed down to Jack’s car loading their bags in the car.

Jack drove them to the rink where the bus was waiting to take them to the airport.

Allison gave her suitcase to the staff and was immediately stolen by Timo making Nico shake his head as he stood with Jack watching Timo walk with Allison onto the bus sitting together.

“Don’t even try to steal her.” Nico poked Timo’s shoulder as he walked by with Jack and they sat across Allison and Timo. 
Timo rolled his eyes and chirped back in Swiss German and Nico chirped something right back making Allison glance over at Jack and they shared a look.

“Sorry Timo, Neeks has claim already.” Allison spoke up grinning mischievously at Timo making Nico flash Timo a satisfied look that said “See.”

“We can share a rookie.” Timo just shrugged back stubbornly.

“Are you two still arguing about this?” Jonas deadpanned as he walked down the bus row, he gave them both a look rolling his eyes, “Idiots.”

Allison and Jack both snorted at the offended look Timo and Nico gave Jonas as Jonas just walked away with Jesper.

The bus started driving a couple minutes later and it was a short drive to the airport, the team all got off the bus and headed towards the stairs up to the plane.

Jack tossed his arm over her shoulder as Timo and Nico both went to stay close to her, “Nope i get my sister for the flight.”

Jack wanted to get the time with his sister but also knew Allison would feel the most comfortable sleeping next to him.

Nico and Timo both gave Jack a look even if Nico’s was definitely more amused.

Allison just shrugged not protesting and walked up the stairs with Jack.

Jack sat down in the row first knowing that Allison does like the window more but on longer flights she does the isle because she is so tall.

Allison turned her phone off putting it in her bag before she tossed the bag under the seat.

She pulled her hoodie up slipping her shoes off and curling up in the seat knowing she needed to try and sleep most of the flight.

She glanced over at Jack who was all ready to try and sleep too and he glanced over and gave her a little nod as he lifted the armrest between them up and she scooted over resting her head on his shoulder and his head rested on top of her head.

Jack and Allison were both sleeping before the plane was even in the air and got many amused and fond glances from the team.

Allison and Jack slept the entire flight to Prague.

September 30, 2024

Once the Devils landed around mid day they headed straight to the rink for the first practice in Prague.

Allison slept the entire flight but still felt tired and was kinda glad to have practice right after they landed and just move around after sitting for so long.

She was happy for the team to be heading to the hotel after practice and she could take a good shower and then just sleep in a bed.

Allison didn’t have any clue who she was rooming with or if she was alone.

Allison got her key seeing Jack’s name on the envelope too and looked confused and looked around finding Jack leaning on the wall waiting for her and he gave he a grin.

She walked over to her brother and gave him a look, “You asked to be my roommate.” Allison realized.

“I did.” Jack admitted as he pushed off the wall giving her a little shrug, “Thought you might not want to be alone.”

Jack remembers his rookie year clearly and he does not want Allison to feel the same way he did, He made sure Luke didn’t feel the way he did and now Jack is gonna make sure Allison gets the rookie season she deserves.

Allison’s eyes softened knowing why Jack asked to room together, “Just don’t snore.” Allison quipped turning around walking away and grinned mischievously hearing the annoyed sound from Jack.

“Cove! I do not snore you know this!” Jack protested immediately following after her trying to get her to take it back. 
Allison just grinned stepping into the elevator.

[she-posts-nerdy-stuff]

Rewatching Shadow and Bone so here are some of my favourite little details that I haven’t seen loads of people talk about (this is almost definitely just part 1 so stay tuned)

The bird cage in Heleen’s office

The masks on stalls in the Ketterdam streets, including Komedie Brute masks, what look like the Jackal masks, and what I believe might have been a sun summoner mask

The song that Ravkan soldiers in Mal’s unit sing whilst they march in s1e4 is the Kerch drinking song Nina sings for Inej on the boat in Six of Crows

Matthias’ hesitation before saying “I feel nothing for you” and Nina replying “then I guess that makes you good at your job” is SO reflective of Matthias’ realisation that Brum didn’t have to drown the good parts of himself to do terrible things the way Matthias always did; Matthias had grown to admire Brum for what he believed was the ability to silence the good in himself in order to do what “must be done” because he found that so difficult to do, and acknowledging that Brum didn’t find those things difficult the way he did was one of the most important moments of being able to separate himself from the Drüskelle beliefs and begin to understand that what he went through was actually abuse and what’s implied to be at least similar to Stockholm Syndrome (I’ve written at length about this and if I get going I’ll never stop, so if anyone wants to know more lemme know and I’ll tag you in my post about it)

“Pomdrakon Players”, the group the Crows join to infiltrate the Little Palace, references Ravkan desert “Pomdrakon” where you soak raisins in brandy then set them on fire and try to grab them in the dark that Nina tells Matthias about on the ice

This isn’t an observation I just thought you’d all like to know that when I was watching the map room scene in episode 4 every time Alina said ‘Aleksander’ I repeated her in a stupid voice, which was really unfair to Alina because she doesn’t know but it was a genuine reaction and I stand by it because screw the Darkling

The comment that the Fjerdans don’t mark ash tress because they’re scared, I love that. I wonder if they pray when they mark trees, like they do when they cut them down? I personally got the impression that all trees were precious but ash trees were sacred when I read the book

The valve to turn out the lights in the Royal Archives Heist because all the lighting is gas powered!! Like I know this probably was just a thing we knew without really thinking about but it’s also really cool in that it reminds us about the class difference between the Crows and the others since, at least in the books, gas lighting isn’t as common to the Barrel as candles and bone lights are but is implied to be more common among the Merchants

Also not an observation but “you’re the quarter master, aren’t you?” “Yep” *wallop* will never not be hilarious and iconic

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: the costume department for this show were goddamn miracle performers thank you for your service. I’ve banged on about the symbolism in the costumes before so I won’t now, but I have really only talked about s2 so I guess if you want more I could talk about s1

“No guns” *walking past Jesper* “no knives” *walking past Inej* “no weapons of any kind” *wait where’s Kaz* will always be fabulous

I genuinely have no idea how they did the Tailoring on Alina’s hair when Genya first does it for her but it is incredible like I don’t know exactly what changed but it just… I don’t know, it’s amazing

[hauntedfictionland]

Being their emotional support person —

☾︎✰❛❀ Shadow and bone characters x gn!reader

Includes/warnings: light mentions of PTSD, injuries, slightly stalkerish behaviours and implied romance.

🪐notes: i sort of recently got into Shadow and Bone and oh boy I'm absolutely in love, the plotlines, music, and characters are so beautifully done. I do truly hope that Netflix renews it back.

— I. KAZ BREAKER

(♥︎^⁠_^♥︎)

You and Kaz went back quite a long time as far back as the time his brother died with his innocence. You went through that together, from the sidelines you watched him change drastically, grow into a man whose name was rather feared than loved.

Kaz doesn't admit it, but he relies on you a lot. He knows the harshness he's put upon you everyday isn't new by now, but still unwelcomed. It stings him. You almost get treated the same as any other crow, if not for the times where you'd hold his upper arm in an act of comfort when needed.

And he'd let you. ♡

You're not the most significant part of the group, or the strongly important. But you can be useful enough in his words to ‘stay’, definitely not because Kaz wants you there by his side as he's always had most of his life.

Or so what he insists.

He looks upon you along with every plan of heists, a wordless query of help. It does not look like it, but your opinions and suggestions matter to him more than you'll ever know.

And when you need a favor, he's all yours. Jesper would sometimes find him doing questionable things for a man like Kaz's taste, when he'd ask it always goes a simple “Y/N asked for this”.

When Kaz is faced with his past, especially if without black gloves he has used as a shield—he won't come to you. The most would be handing his gloves back.

But after the worst is gone, he'll slowly reach out to you. Sitting beside you, head leaning on your shoulder. That is the moment he wants the most, support to get back to the daily life.

He needs you.

Needing anything is a weakness surely but he truly never considered you his, without you he'd actually fall apart with the absence of the power to get back again. You're his strength. His support, his person.

You're his, and he's yours.

— II. INEJ GHAFA

(♥︎^⁠_^♥︎)

Inej doesn't really feel comfortable relying on a lot of people, anyone for that matter. Yet when it comes to you it almost seems so effortless. Perhaps that's the effect you have on her.

Kaz brought you in a while ago when he was in desperate need of a healer.

When she saw you the first time, you seemed shy to the point of not even being able to hold eye contact. However as time slowly passed on you spend way more time with Inej than anyone else as she tended to get herself in all sorts of trouble.

Inej would find herself looking at you often, wondering how the alignment of your lips to the sharpness of jaw could ever be so perfect.

She started to let a few things of her past out here and there while you'd bandage her, careful enough to never reach the tip of the surface.

Bit by bit, it turned into a habit. Only now she would come to you herself and open up even when there was no scar or injury on her.

Something about the way you listened so tentatively with soft eyes that held no judgement, your words which grasped onto the feelings she couldn't seem to comprehend and your affection, all of it pulled her in.

And she could not let go.

Sometimes Inej feels a bit guilty, how you're always there yet she isn't. She wants to know about you, your interests, your fears, your life. And she wants to help. In that sense she feels worse.

She's the wraith, she's never been scared of anyone. Yet Inej feels herself becoming powerless the moment she looks at you.

And that'll be the death of her.

— III. ALECSANDER KIRIGAN

(♥︎^⁠_^♥︎)

Much like Kaz, Kirigan is not the most reliable at showing affection. But he does know very clearly the way you've helped him will not go unnoticed or unappreciated.

Rather unexpectedly, even as a grisha on his team you've somehow managed to slip into the cracks of his facade. The demeanor he held.

After Alina fled, he wasn't in the calmest mind. And sensing you just hold him without a single word, a hand soothing his shoulder with a wave of your magic spreading around him. He in the longest while felt peace alongside tranquillity in just a few minutes.

With him in your arms, you gave him a sense of assurance without ever putting them into words.

Kirigan keeps you absolutely spoiled. He tells the extravagant jewelries and fancy wines are gestures of reward for your exertion which he'd give to anyone who'll work just as hard. Except that in truth he feels he owes you a great deal whenever his emotional hard times are mended because of you.

And it's his way of showing the utmost appreciation, almost affection you've placed in his heart for you.

The fact that you don't judge or mock, even think of him as ‘weak’ for not being the powerful general everyone sought out to be has him in a chokehold.

He thinks about you, and every one of your encounters has him thinking for weeks. Each and single one. Soley, it does come off as any surprise when Alecsander sets at least one grisha protector to watch you. Your safety is his utmost priority and even perhaps to know a little details about you and the people you talk with.

Which you don't need to know about whatsoever.

The time he revealed his true self to you, he was very much afraid that was the way he'll lose you. You'd see the monster his mother claims him to be and run far away. But instead when you embraced his dark side with a glint in your eyes, he knew you had him whipped in a tight hold.

— IV. ALINA STARKOV

(♥︎^⁠_^♥︎)

You first saw Alina when Zoya sent her flying across the field. Rather before that, eyes stealing glances on you.

She knew who you were, the great earth summoner. And as per who she was, Alina felt inclined to meet you. Her newly found peers brought her upon you, and when you turned to face her, Alina was quite at a loss for words.

Wonderstruck.

You seemed far much greater than she imagined, and oh she had a lot to learn from you.

Alina found you on many occasions, tried to as best she could. Questions about your powers, her powers, and secrets of the little palace. You gave them all, heart smiling fondly at her genuine curiosity.

You'd discover yourself sitting beside her, on the floor with backs leaning against the wooden bookshelves. Walks around the little palace or the library, you were growing much closer with her as the days passed.

Sometimes a word or two would slip out of her missing a certain Mal, and the camp of the first army. She would close them, a bit scared of your thoughts that is before you assure her. That whatever is was held in her heart, she could absolutely come to you.

And came she did.

You and her would spend hours under the night sky, hearing her stories of the orphanage—worries she held about herself, and Mal. Either way Alina was sure you were her answer.

The way you'd given her a tiny beam of grin, hands grazing over hers. Talking conclusions she could barely listen when her focus was your lips. A connection she felt that was electrifying.

Alina believed it was because of your power as the Earth, and her's as the Sun summoner. However in that, a deeper part of her knew something was more than that.

A single time someone referred you as her Earth summoner, the mere prospect of that—even when she knew the other meant it in no harm, drove her crazy.

The time after you comforted her about the troubles she held about Mal, sincere yet bittersweet smile on your lips. You knew she had feelings for the boy, a thought that made your gut wrench for a reason you didn't acknowledge.

When you asked her that, Alina's eyes gazed at yours before she pulled her lips on yours in return so softly you could only hum.

You were hers alright.

[shit-people-probably-didnt-say]

Crows Name Meanings because why not?

🐦‍⬛ Kaz:

Meaning: Destroyer of peace; One who declares peace; Child of peace or harmony

Kaz is an incredibly dynamic name popular for boys and has Slavic origins.

Kaz comes from the name Cassius, which means “hollow”, and was famously worn by one of the conspirators against Julius Caesar. This may be why it has gained the meaning “destroyer of peace.”

However, Kaz has an endearing connotation, too! In Japanese, Kaz comes from Kazuko, which means “harmony” and “child of peace.” This powerful title will find a home in a soul who is unafraid of forging their own, unique path.

Baby Kaz will undoubtedly stay true to themselves as they journey through life, carrying a remarkable presence everywhere they go.

🌺 Inej:

Meaning: Faithful, The faithful one

Inej is a girl's name of Spanish origin.

Meaning "faithful" or "the faithful one", this name is for the parent intending to raise baby in a life of faith.

🎲 Jesper:

Meaning: King of the treasure; Treasurer

Jesper is a masculine name of Danish, Dutch, and Persian origin.

A variant of the Persian name Jasper, this name translates to “King of the treasure” or “treasurer.” Wealth comes in many forms, whether it’s gold, knowledge, or moments with your loved ones.

Of course, baby is going to be a priceless new addition to your family. If you want to always remind baby how invaluable they are, the name Jesper makes for a bountiful choice.

🎼 Wylan:

Meaning: Wayside land; Crafting one; Brave in battle

Wylan offers a dapper appellation steeped in cool kid vibes. A form of Waylan and Waylon, masculine Wylan is a topographical name meaning “wayside land.” Wylan’s origins don’t stop there, as the name also has Germanic and Old Norse roots, where it derives from Wayland.

Wylan adopts the meaning “crafting one” from Wayland the Smith, a mythological master blacksmith who escaped the king’s custody by flying away with a winged cloak he crafted. He is mentioned in several Germanic and Old Norse poems, including the Old English classics, Waldere and Beowulf.

Wayland may also mean “brave in battle,” equipping baby with a warrior-worthy title. Not only is Wylan effortlessly chill for the cool-as-a-cucumbers, this handsome title comes steeped in ancient lore and ingenuity.

🫀Nina:

Meaning: Little girl

Nina is a girl’s name with various possible   origins, arguably the most well-known being Spanish.

Aptly meaning “little girl,” this simple title never seems to go out of style.

Sharing her name with the Incan goddess of fire, Nina can be inspired to let her flame burn bright. Also connected to a Babylonian goddess, there is no shortage of heavenly influences for this little girl.

🐺 Matthias:

Meaning: Gift of God; Bear

Matthias is a refreshing twist to the ancient masculine name Mathew sure to give baby a distinctive edge.

Emerging from the Hebrew Matityahu, meaning "gift of God," Matthias bears this definition with all the swagger of a rock star.

As much as Matthias seems to push against tradition, its very sound directly links it with the Ancient Greek translation of Matityahu, Mattathias, which pre-dates even Mathew.

Touring overseas to Celtic shores, Matthias finds an intriguing kinship with the Irish mathúin, which means "bear." A relic with a rugged appeal, as names go.

Matthias serves up stage presence before baby has even taken their first steps.

Do with this what you will

[raginggeeksworld]

Chapter 11

One Day

A/N: sorry not sorry for breaking hearts and leaving it on a cliffhanger BAHHAHAAA (I refuse to die before i see Hans Zimmer live for this one fucking song)

P.S. I love you guys tho

P.P.S. Replace the word bf with husband in Boyfriend by Big Time Rush and it's exactly what Kaz was thinking everytime he touched the ring in his pocket

Taglist: @kiraflowersworld @vainillasmil157 @bookloverfilmoholic @so-get-this-sammy @ell0ra-br3kk3r @hufflepuffprincessbabe @pansexualwitchwhoneedstherapy @bitterspoons @wonderland2425 @noorie101

Our perception of time is defined by our ability to choose the right moment.

There is no right choice.

Every moment we choose to hesitate, to act irrationally is already a moment born in uncertainty. There is no choice that doesn't already carry the weight of a collateral damage, a necessary evil, which hides in the shadows of the illusion we call "the better choice".

There's no right choice...

There's no possibility to choose from, because there is only one way this can play out, and that's with a bullet in his brain and his blood scattered on the cobblestones.

And even if there was a choice, it would change nothing. There is nothing any of them could do to change the fate waiting for them.

If these are my last moments, at least we'll be together, Kaz thought. If death has finally came for him, at least he wouldn't be alone, because he had Y/N with him. Kaz reached behind him to hold her hand for one last time, ignoring the fact that their relationship wouldn't be a secret anymore, but he could only feel the metal of the tank under his fingers.

Kaz whipped his head around only to find Y/N reaching up to Kuwei. No, not Kuwei, he realized as fear coursed through him.

Y/N reached for the tiny pouch of jurda.

Kaz leaped from his seat.

"We shoud do this some other time! This is so much fun!" Jesper shouted in delight while the tank moved closer and closer to the harbour.

"Clearly we have a different definition of fun," YN mumbled to herself, trying find a position that didn't strain her bandaged shoulder too much.

Kaz noticed her motion and glanced at the bandage, furrowing his brows. He tried to piece together when that could've happened, coming to the conclusion that this was why Nina looked so disheveled and worried when she found them. As the thoughts of YN fighting a drüskelle alone coursed through his mind, his eyes never left the wound. He was completely oblivious to the stares he got from her, trying to reassure him that she was fine.

When Kaz finally looked at her, she moved her hand closer to him on the surface of the tank. To anyone watching, it looked like she was just trying to reapply her grip on the metal, but to YN it was her way of making him snap out of his thoughts, and bringing him back to reality.

She did it just in time for them to turn their heads and see that they were completely surrounded. The tank came to a stop at the edge of the harbour, watching in shock as the soldiers pointed their weapons at them. They turned in every direction, but there was nowhere to go now. This is it. This is where it all ends.

"There has to be a way for us to-" Nina started but Jesper cut her off. "Are you blind?! There's hundreds of armed soldiers surrounding us!" He yelled, still in shock. They were so close. They were so close to go home.

"Please tell me you have a plan for this," YN whispered to Kaz, who just kept staring ahead of him. His whole body was frozen in place, and YN was close to asking Nina if he was even still breathing.

Kaz didn't move, he couldn't. How could he? This is it. All of his sleepless night, scheming and planning, making ideas upon ideas, preparing himself and the group for numerous outcomes, and yet, it was all worthless. No matter how much he prepared, how much he read and stayed up late, no matter how strict he was with them, it didn't count in the end.

His mind went completely blank.

This was the one thing, the only thing, that he didn't count on, because this was the worst possible outcome he wasn't ready to plan for. He wasn't ready. Kaz Brekker was not ready to die, not like this, not like some low scum of a man, who couldn't even keep the one promise he desperately wanted to keep.

Kaz heard the voices of the others asking him what was next, what would they have to do. But Kaz was speechless. He couldn't answer them. He couldn't tell them they were never going home. He couldn't, because Kaz himself was horrified.

He tried to push the feeling deep down, but he couldn't stop thinking about the fact that YN was never going to see her family again. That she will neer see her nephew grow up, that she will never hold his face again, or that she will never be able to-

"Are you out of your mind?! It would be suicide!" Nina shouted and the loud noise made Kaz snap out of his inner turmoil.

He turned to look at Nina, who was arguing with YN and Kuwei. The shu boy held a small pouch in his hand, and Kaz figured that must be the jurda parem. For a few seconds he didn't understand what was happening, but when he saw the look on Y/N's face and the way she was hovering her hand near the pouch of jurda, Kaz's eyes widened against his will.

"What do you think you're doing?" Kaz asked coldy as he looked between them. His voice was directed at Y/N, who straight-up ignored the warning tone, not moving away from her spot.

"This is our only chance, and these idiots know it!" She said to which Nina let out an offended gasp. "Did you just call me an idiot?!" She asked and the two girls began arguing again. Kuwei just sat there holding the jurda, not quite understanding what was going on.

"Enough!" Kaz shouted suddenly and all of them turned towards him. The girls stopped their fight and both of them loked at him in annoyance for interrupting them.

"Is that the parem?" Kaz asked and pointed at the pouch in Kuwei's hand, to which both girls nodded. "And it's dangerous I presume?" Another nod. "It can make you an addict just like the Grishas we came across, yes?" Another nod, followed by a heavy silence. "And what are the side effects of taking it?"

"That's exactly what we were discussing." Nina told him and made sure to glare at Y/N, who ignored said glare. "If you call listing all the reasons why I'd be a moron to take it, then yes, we discussed it," Y/N almost hissed back at Nina. Kaz rolled his eyes.

"If it can kill you, then it should be a discussion, not just a decision based on a random hunch," Kaz told Y/N, who was trying to grab the pouch again, but this time Kuwei noticed and pulled his hand away, to which Y/N stood up to take it with force if she had to.

Kaz almost jumped up to pull her away, but Nina was quicker. She grabbed Y/N's hand and slapped it away. "Oh for fuck's sake, Zenik!" Y/N damn neraly shouted while Nina asked for the pouch from Kuwei, who gave it to her with a worried look. "Oh, so if I do it, I'm suicidal but if you, then it's totally fine!"

"I know the consequences!" Nina shouted back, trying to not look at Matthias or Inej. She knew if she did, she wouldn't be able to go through with this. "I know what parem does to a Grisha. However, we do not know what it would do to you." Her voice softened towards the end of her sentence, making Y/N grew annoyed.

"Zenik is right," Kaz said and Y/N turned to him with furrowed brows. "And you're an expert since when? What do you know about magic, Brekker? Nothing!" She argued with him, and all the Crows watched in silence as she lashed out.

Kaz just sat there, taking her words as she continued to spill all of her anger out on him, each word like a slap to his face. He just let her do it, because he understood more than anyone what it felt like to be angry at the world when things didn't go as planned, when he suddenly felt helpless, and there was nothing he could do about it.

Kaz knew that Y/N was scared, he could see it in the way her hands trembled just enough to be noticed, how she tried to control the crack in her voice, and how her eyes slowly became glassy from unshed tears. She was the most terrified he has ever seen her.

Meanwhile, Nina held the pouch of parem in trembling hands, watching the two of them with a pang of guilt. She was still contemplating if she could take the parem and go through a horrible recovery, if that was even possible, or just give it to Y/N who already decided to do it. That thought made Nina guilty. It would be a selfish decision to let her take it, just because she was too afraid of the aftermath.

She couldn't let Y/N do it. She still had a family to go home to. She had a life to get back to. And by the way she saw her and Kaz act around each other, Nina hoped there was love waiting for her too.

"Y/N." Kaz spoke up on a soft voice while she was still arguing. His voice was muffled by all the noise around them, so he tried to call her name again, trying to distract her thoughts of the parem.

"Orlova." He said again, and this time Inej and Wylan heard it, turning towards him.

"Y/N Orlova." He repeated louder this time, but the soft tone still evident.

Now Jesper looked at them too, but he was elbowed in the ribs by Inej when he almost spoke up to interrupt them, with a fun comment presumably. Instead he was made to turn away from them, to give the two of them some privacy at least.

'"Y/N, please." Kaz pleaded with her on a quiet voice, but she wouldn't stop.

She wasn't angry anymore, the shock and helplessness took over her, and now she was just babbling about how they were going to die if she didn't take the parem, because she wouldn't let Nina do that. She didn't say it out loud, but Kaz knew what she was saying. She was going to sacrifice herself, so they would make it back to Ketterdam. As soon as the thought appeared in Kaz's brain, he didn't hesitate to stand up and grab Y/N by the shoulders.

"Ty moya zhena!" Kaz shouted to her face and she finally stopped talking.

She heard the others turn at the sound of Kaz's voice, never before hearing him speak in another language. She tried to move away, but Kaz held her in place. She looked at his piercing blue eyes, his gaze speaking louder than any words.

"Ty. Moya. Zhena." Kaz spoke each word with passion in his eyes, trying to get Y/N to truly understand what they meant. Her eyes became glassy again as one of her hands came up to cup Kaz's face. He slowly let his hands travel up to her neck, his thumbs caressing her skin.

"Ty moya zhena. Moya zhena." Kaz whispered the words as they stood there, completely unaware of the shocked looks the others sent their way. Nina's jaw was practically on the floor.

"A ty moi muzh." Y/N whispered back, her eyes betraying the saddness she felt.

(A/N: ty moya zhena=you are my wife; a ty moi muzh=and you're my husband)

She wanted to say those words in the comfort of their home, after a long day, when there was just the two of them in their tiny apartment, probably a bottle of kvas and their interwined hands between them. But that wasn't possible. Only if she-

Her thoughts were interrupted by a sudden warmth on her lips. Y/N felt as if she was spinning, her head swirling as leather clawed hands came around her, squeezing her impossibly closer to the other person. She was clinging to them just the same, clutching the back of his coat in a deathly grip, afraid to let go.

Kaz was kissing her like there was no tomorrow.

And there wasn't. These could be very well considered her last moments, and Kaz was kissing her like they were a demon and an angel, and her kiss was the only thing that could make him see the heavens. Like he was a damned soul trapped on the Earth, and Y/N was the one showing him the way to salvation.

Kaz had been walking his way a long time, and he finally reached his destination.

When Y/N began pulling away, afraid of pushing his limits, Kaz instantly leaned closer to capture her lips again. He couldn't get enough of her now that he knew what she felt like. He wanted to savour every second their lips touched, he wanted to make her understand just how much those two little words meant to him.

"I do." Kaz whispered in between kisses.

"I do." Y/N smiled into their kiss and Kaz let out a soft groan, their kisses becoming more passionate, as the fear of their impending death slowly crept into the moment.

Y/N felt bittersweet as she thought about what was going to happen in just a few seconds. She was angry at the world, and she tried to water down her guilt by kissing Kaz more vehemently. The messier their kisses became, the sadder Y/N got.

It wasn't fair what she was about to do to him, but there was no other way. A single tear escaped her eye, and she could feel the salty taste on her lips as she desperately clinged onto Kaz for one more kiss.

One more kiss. With one more kiss, she was going to betray him, the one thing she promised to never do. Only one kiss to make him hate her forever. Only one kiss and their fate will be determined.

One single kiss is all it takes.

One.

Kiss.

It all happened so fast. One second she was kissing Kaz like it was the last time, and the next she was snatching the pouch of jurda from Nina's hand, transforming into a crow and quicly flying away as the group yelled and protested.

Even in animal form, Y/N felt the unshed tears burn her eyes as she left them there. The guilt was like a knife to her heart, twisting and turning the farther she flew from them, and she could feel the phantom blade cut the organ into a million pieces in her chest.

When she stopped at the edge of the town, she allowed herself to waste a few seconds, silently apologizing to everyone, especially to Kaz and her brother. If she was to die because of the complications the jurda parem would make her go through, she wanted her last memories to be of her family.

She wanted the Saints to know that even if her life wasn't finished yet, she will be leaving it happy and content.

With a quick inhale, Y/N opened the pouch and poured some of the jurda into her mouth, frowning at the taste. After waiting for a few more seconds, she could feel her entire body began to tingle, and with one last sigh she closed her eyes and concentrated on the form she would be shifting into.

The sun above him scorched the clouds, its relentless heat searing them with an unforgiving pain. The heavenly rays of light seemed to laugh at Kaz, the warmth on his face a grotesque mockery of the despair inside him, as if the Sun itself found his grief a mere amusement.

One second Y/N was in his arms, kissing him like in his dreams, and the next she was ripped away from him and took the jurda with her. For a few seconds Kaz just stood there frozen, his face blank and eyes wide, his brain trying to keep up with all the emotions and thoughts inside him. He was oblivious to the looks he got from the rest of the group, but in his inner turmoil he could guess what they've all felt: shock, surprise, and sorry for him.

Kaz swallowed hard as he felt his knees grew weak, and he feared he would collapse in front of the others, therefore slowly, albeit robotically, he sat back down on the side of the tank, gripping his cane so tightly, that he could feel the ring under his glove dig into his finger.

"Oh Kaz," Nina spoke up, her voice barely above a whisper. She felt a few tears brim her eyes as she continued. "When did you two even-" She wanted to ask, but Kaz interrupted her. Despite the monotone voice, they could hear bits of shock and grief in his usually stoic voice.

"The roof at the incinerator. I wed her in Ravkan tradition. Partially at least, since we couldn't just parade around in white and gold dresses. The speech was at least in Ravkan, and our wedding bands were made of Grisha steel." Kaz explained, still not turning towards them.

He didn't think of his actions when he pulled one of his gloves off, holding his hand up for them to see. There it was, the dark silver wedding band on his finger, the metal shining in the sun. Nina let out a sharp gasp, now understanding the reason why Kaz refused to take off his soaked gloves after they managed to revive him.

"But why silver?" Jesper asked, afer he finally got rid of his shocked face. For now.

"What's the most valuable thing in the world?" Kaz asked, weariness creeping into his words, his lungs seeming to cave in on themselves, and he felt like he was going to slowly suffocate.

"Power?" Asked Jesper confused as to what answer should he give.

"Freedom?" Came Inej's answer.

"Love?" The group turned to Matthias with raised brows, and Matthias mumbled something to himself.

"Money." Kaz answered for them and he looked back at Jesper and Inej as he continued. "And what's the most valuable thing every criminal wants in Ketterdam?"

"Gold," Jesper and Inej answered simultaneously as their face fell. They sent Kaz a sad look, but he just stared back at them with a blank face, the fear not completely gone from his eyes.

"Usually wedding bands are made from gold, which makes them easy to recognize. On the other hand, a silver ring gets overlooked, even if it's worn on the ring-finger. If I was to get into a fight, and somehow they manage to get my hands bare, they wouldn't be able to connect me to Y/N based on the ring alone."

Kaz explained but decided not to go further with his words, not having the mental energy to keep speaking without his voice cracking somewhere in his speech. He tried to focus on the sole thought that he had finally kissed her, and managed to put that damn ring on her.

Kaz's thoughts didn't have time to turn sour, to acknowledge the grief and anger he felt mixed with the sense of betrayal, because a loud roar could be heard. He looked around and saw the fjerdan soldiers glance at the sky in confusion. Then he saw it.

No.

Her.

The enormous beast rose higher and higher with its wings stretched to their full width, and as Kaz looked up at the dragon flying over above them, he couldn't help but feel a deep sense of pride as he looked up at Y/N. If he wasn't so shocked about everything that occured in the past five minutes, Kaz was sure he would've looked at the soldiers with an arrogant smile. Yeah, that's my wife you sons of bitches, he thought to himself.

The bronze dragon let out another loud roar, as she circled around the harbour, sometimes flying dangerously close to the soldiers, her massive wings blocking the Sun above them. She was the true image of a beast, deadly and dangerous, and despite her claws she looked nothing short of beautiful, magical, magisterial.

Kaz wasn't a man fond of beauty. He only found it in shining gold, and the thick roll of kruge. He paid little to no attention to artists, and rarely did he enjoy looking at artifacts for sheer contemt, and even then only to measure their price.

He was looking at the dragon form of Y/N and he could only stare in awe at the magical being that was his wife. In his worry and anger Kaz couldn't ignore the pride he felt watching her settle down beside their tank, a protective gesture and a threat all at once.

Kaz didn't hold back his arrogant smirk as he watched the soldiers glance between each other and the dragon in fear and worry.

Inej and Nina held each other's hands and stared at Y/N with a glint of child-like wonder and disbelief. Both of them thought back to the Ravkan fairytales they no doubt heard many times during their childhood. The two girls glanced back at the dragon and Nina let out a breathy chuckle as Y/N moved closer to them. Wylan and Kuwei looked genuinely terrified at the creature, their mind's not yet processing Y/N's transformation.

Jesper seemed almost giddy at the sight of his friend, already planning how to ask her to let him ride on her back before she transforms back to human. Matthias, unbelievably, wore the same expression as Kaz. He too was in awe of the magical creature like he was a little boy again, but his worry for Y/N was close to none, unlike Kaz's.

The dragon stepped around the tank, a threatening growl escaping her sharp-teethed mouth. Her snout gently signaled to the direction of the Ferolind, the group turning their gaze towards the harbour. Wylan and Kaz were the first to regain their senses, and getting the others to move the tank towards the dock.

"I'm no engineer of course, but uh," Jesper started as he stared at the wooden planks of the dock, "I don't think a dock is capable of holding a tank on its surface."

"Then we'll walk," Kaz said back as a matter of fact, making Jesper's eyes go wide. "They will shoot us!"

Kaz let a small smirk escape his lips as he looked behind them. "Y/N would sooner burn them alive."

The group reluctantly got off the tank, but as soon as they met the gazes of the soldiers gathered around them, they fastened their steps. Inej and Nina grabbed each other's hand in a hurry, the boys quickly following in their steps. Kaz stayed behind to make sure everyone got to the Ferolind without any trouble.

"Is that a fucking dragon?!" Specht exclaimed as he watched them get on the boat. He turned to Kaz with a surprised face. "Boss, how the hell did you get a dragon?"

"I married one," Kaz replied casually and watched as Specht swallowed hard. Kaz took a step closer to him, to which Specht instinctively straightened himself, ready for whatever Kaz had to say.

"I have a task for you."

I need you to do the one thing I'm not able to, Kaz thought, his mind a hurricane of emotions. I need you to keep the promise I-

Gunshots rang out in the harbor, targeting their boat.

Kaz looked behind him only to be met with his darkest nightmare.

The soldiers began firing at both the Ferolind and the dragon. She was roaring and trashing around, stomping her legs on the ground and using her tail to hit the soldiers into the water, clearly not wanting to kill them all.

The bullets went flying around their heads, and Specht rushed everyone to help them get away from the harbour as soon as possible. Kaz watched as they handled the boat, Jesper and Matthias sending a few shots back at the soldiers. He watched for a couple of seconds, before his gaze turned back to his wife.

She was getting angrier by the second, and Kaz knew that soon she will start killing the Fjerdans, no matter how many. He could already notice her reluctance slowly fading away, as the fire in her throat became brighter and brighter, ready to be let out.

Y/N flew up in the sky, circling around them, directing their shots at her instead of the Ferolind. Kaz could only watch in helplessness as she let the bullets hit her, roaring and growling at the pain, but still not doing anything to stop it.

That was until she glanced at the Ferolind getting further and further away from her. She knew that Kaz couldn't see the emotions on her face in this form, hell, he couldn't even see her completely. Despite that, she was sure he knew how scared she was, because he must've felt just as terrified.

Y/N sent one last thought to Kaz, hoping that in some magical way he will be able to hear her.

If I cannot have my happy ending, neither will they.

This sentence kept repeating in her head as she dove down from the sky, letting the fire burn her throat. The flames erupted from her mouth, making every soldier breath in her misery and anger, their crimson blood getting mixed with the snow and the ashes of their bones, painting the dock into a true image of devastation.

And she just looked at them with pity when they tried to shoot her again, sending another burst of flames through them. She roared at them the loudest she could, letting all of her emotions out, killing them mercilessly like a true monster would.

Their cries of pain and devastation kept ringing in her ears as she flew after the Ferolind. All the pain she caused. All that blood she could feel on her claws. All that fire still lodged in her throat, ready to be used again, but making her feel like it will burn her alive if she doesn't change back to human soon.

Y/N tried to access her wounds as she grew closer to the boat. Although she couldn't see them, she could definitely feel every single one of them. Her limbs started to feel heavy, as if they were going numb from something. She let out a low growl, as her legs began throbbing in pain.

It seemed her brain finally decided to catch up with the hits and bullets she took in the fight. In the moment it felt like she was invincible, she felt untouchable. But now, as she neared the Ferolind, the adrenaline of the fight wearing off, she felt like she was about to die any minute.

Die.

What a dramatic word for how she felt. But Y/N couldn't find a better way to word it to herself. Every breath felt like she was breathing fire, as if she was somehow breathing in the same fire her dragon self was making, as if her body was slowly killing itself.

She could hear her heart pumping in her ears, and her chest felt heavier by the second while her vision became disoriented. Her view seemed to be shifting from clear to blurry, then blurry to clear again. She could feel her body dragging her further and further down, while she tried to maintain some kind of order in her flight, but she felt her wings swaying her from side to side, like she was inebriated or something.

Again, she felt her heart ringing in her ears, mixed with the painful cries of the soldiers, and it all made her feel like her heart was going to cease to beat. The panic slowly took over her every sense, making her fight or flight mode kick in with full force, leaving her brain with only one coherent thought.

I'm going to die. I'm going to die. I'm going to die.

Her heart was beating so loud it was deafening.

Her limbs felt so heavy she couldn't move her wings anymore.

Her head felt like it was going to explode.

The last thing Y/N saw through her blurry vision was a black figure at the front of the Ferolind, before the waves engulfed her in a drowning hug.

In the next lifetime, we'll meet one day.

The next life we'll meet one day.

We'll meet one day.

One day.

Lightness, then darkness. Silence, no thoughts, no sounds, no noises. No cold. No heat. No flash of memories, and no sense of peace and finality. Just nothing.

Death felt awfully empty.

[seidenbros]

This Life Is as Fragile as a Dream

Pairing: Wylan van Eck x Jesper Fahey Summary: “Alright, as much as I would love to spend more time with you, we both need to get some sleep.” If Jesper told anyone that he was the voice of reason here, they probably wouldn’t believe him. “Yeah, you’re right,” Wylan admitted sheepishly before he rose to the balls of his feet to press a gentle kiss to Jesper’s cheek. “Text me when you get home, Jes.” “I—” Jesper was actually speechless for a moment, so taken aback by the boldness Wylan had just displayed, that made his cheek heat up, while he swore he could still feel Wylan’s lips linger there. “Will do,” he eventually managed, a smile on his lips that stayed there all the way home.

Three dates that left Jesper very happy until a little miscommunication - or rather no communication - seemed to destroy everything they'd built up to.

W: But yeah so I kinda have a crush on you J: Have we not been on like 3 dates already? Or did I completely misread what we were doing?

Warning/Tags: POV Jesper Fahey, fluff, angst with happy ending, first kiss, falling in love, miscommunication, no beta we die like my sanity sometimes does

Inspired by this Post on Instagram

Read on AO3

Jesper couldn’t believe that this was already their third date, his smile showing just how happy he was about the fact. He’d first seen Wylan one morning when he’d gotten a coffee from his favourite coffee shop on the way to work, and Wylan had just been opening up his flower shop. Jesper had been pretty sure that it had been new because he’d never seen it before - and one conversation with Wylan had proven him right, because he’d really only opened the shop a few days ago. And that morning? Jesper had been the one to help him up after he’d tripped and face planted. Sadly, Jesper hadn’t been quick enough to catch him, but at least it had stopped him from overthinking whether or not to talk to the cute florist. Of course, he hadn’t been able to just leave him to his own devices with his hands slightly bloody, right? Right.

It had been the best decision he’d made in a long time, because he’d taken care of Wylan’s injuries, had gotten to talk to him, and that had led to his mornings dropping by Wylan’s shop to check up on him until he’d worked up the courage to properly ask him out. Now, Jesper was someone who’d dated a lot, but normally with no intent. He’d just enjoyed going out, getting to know people, having fun. With Wylan, though, he’d wanted to get to know him better, unravel every little thing there was to know about him. Of course, he wanted this to lead somewhere, but he wanted to take his time, because Wylan wasn’t the kind of person he just wanted to have in the sheets. He’d realised that after talking to him a few times. Sure, at first he’d just thought that he was cute, but every little conversation they’d had, had intrigued him more and more. Otherwise, he wouldn’t have asked him out to get to know him better. Even his flatmates had been surprised - Inej positively and she’d definitely been happy for him, whereas Kaz had been rather skeptical and sarcastic, but that was something Jesper had been used to already.

After the first date, Jesper hadn’t been able to stop smiling. He’d gone through the day grinning all the time, and not even work had tainted his mood, no matter how annoying some people had been. He’d found himself reaching for his phone the moment it had buzzed to see if it was a message from Wylan, and he’d had to stop himself from answering straight away all the time. That evening, Inej had called him out on it, and over a glass of wine, they’d talked it through. Well, Jesper had told her everything about the date, all the little things he’d found out about Wylan. The big things as well, like the fact that Wylan was dyslexic, which seemed to have been a problem in the past, but Jesper couldn’t care less about it. He liked him for who he was, and that just meant that he could read to him, which seemed to have delighted Wylan when he’d told him, judging by the way he’d said: “You have a very soothing voice.”

And now? Now, their third date was coming to an end, after they’d had a very deep conversation about their families. Neither of them had expected the conversation to become so serious, but it had brought them closer together in Jesper’s opinion. So much that Wylan didn’t pull back when Jesper carefully reached for his hand just to hold it. In fact, Wylan even intertwined their fingers, making Jesper’s heart beat faster in his chest, the corners of his mouth twitching up into a happy smile.

On the one hand, he didn’t want to go home, but he knew that it was too early to initiate anything, ask if he could come up to Wylan’s apartment for a coffee or anything. Not that he wanted to take it further, because he really didn’t want to fuck it up and rush things, but he knew that the question alone could be interpreted that way, and he didn’t want to send the wrong signal to Wylan, not with how well everything seemed to be going.

“Thanks for walking me home,” Wylan said, stopping in front of the building where Jesper had taken him after their first two dates already. He knew where Wylan lived, but had never seen the apartment itself. At least he knew that he was living alone, and not like him with two other people. Most of the time, he liked this arrangement, because he knew that living alone would probably end up in chaos or he’d spend more time with the others anyway than alone in his own place, but there were moments - which all of them experienced - where they just wanted to be alone and have some peace and quiet and not be reminded that they still had to clean up the kitchen.

“My pleasure,” Jesper said with a smile, squeezing Wylan’s hand once more before letting go of it. As much as he wanted to draw this out, he knew that they both had to get up early tomorrow. At least that meant that he’d be able to drop by the flower shop in the morning to bring Wylan his coffee like he’d done ever since finding out what he usually drank - coffee with a dash of milk, but only one in the morning. After that he opted for tea as a hot drink.

“It was a wonderful evening.”

“Yeah?” Jesper raised an eyebrow, still grinning as he tilted his head to the side. “Even with all the oversharing when it comes to our families?”

“Yes.” Wylan didn’t miss a beat with his answer, took Jesper’s hand again just to hold it and show him that he was there. “Especially because of that I guess. It’s never been easy for me to talk about this, to let my guard down, but with you, it just happens. Maybe that sounds weird—”

“It doesn’t,” Jesper stopped him immediately, squeezing his hand. “I know exactly what you mean.” Of course, he’d talked to Inej about losing his mother, but it had taken him some time to open up altogether. Not that it was comparable to what Wylan had endured at the hands of his father - and Jesper was sure there was even more that Wylan hadn’t told him yet - but they both knew what it was like to lose a parent, to feel lost without them in a way. But they’d both made their way, they were both here now, and it looked like they were heading in the same direction together.

“Alright, as much as I would love to spend more time with you, we both need to get some sleep.” If Jesper told anyone that he was the voice of reason here, they probably wouldn’t believe him.

“Yeah, you’re right,” Wylan admitted sheepishly before he rose to the balls of his feet to press a gentle kiss to Jesper’s cheek. “Text me when you get home, Jes.”

“I—” Jesper was actually speechless for a moment, so taken aback by the boldness Wylan had just displayed, that made his cheek heat up, while he swore he could still feel Wylan’s lips linger there. “Will do,” he eventually managed, a smile on his lips that stayed there all the way home.

“Looks like you had another amazing date,” he heard from Inej the moment the door to their flatshare had fallen shut. He couldn’t stop himself from grinning again, because it had indeed been amazing.

After kicking off his shoes, he joined her in the living room, where she was sitting with a book in her lap. Kaz was somewhere out on a mission, which he hadn’t told them any details about, and right now, Jesper didn’t really care, because he was just too damn happy.

“I did. We touched on some very deep topics.”

“Did you now?” The way she was wiggling her eyebrows made Jesper give a heartfelt chuckle.

“No, I mean it.” Sinking down onto the sofa right next to Inej, Jesper stretched out his legs. “Talked about our families and all that.”

“And how are you feeling?”

“No need to worry,” he reassured her, sending her a smile. “It felt good to share all that with him, and to find out about his family as well.” At one point, he would tell her about this, when he knew that it was okay for Wylan, but right now, this was something that stayed between them.

“In that case, I’m happy for you.”

“And when I walked him home, he kissed my cheek.”

“Look at you!”

“What?”

“You’re beaming!”

Oh he knew that. He knew just what he looked like when he thought about Wylan and right now, after that kiss to his cheek, it was probably even worse. He’d seen that look on his face every time he’d looked in the mirror - and he liked that look on himself if he was being honest. A look Wylan was responsible for without even realising it probably. He had to tell him soon, but he didn’t want to scare him off.

“I’m so happy for you, Jesper.” Inej hugged him from the side, which only made Jesper’s smile widen even more. Yeah, he was happy as well. More than that actually.

Jesper was still smiling when he got up the next morning - earlier than usual, because he knew that it would be busy at the coffee shop, and he wanted a few more minutes with Wylan. He was even in the bath before Kaz and Inej, hurrying up so that he could be on his way. Just like he’d expected there was a longer queue than every other day, but it was moving along smoothly, so that he was out with two cups of coffee just in time when Wylan was done with putting the flowers outside to start the day.

Wylan saw him before he was even there, and the smile he received from him made Jesper’s heart skip a beat. Wylan’s hair looked extra fluffy to day, begging for Jesper’s hands to be buried inside those beautiful curls to dishevel it a bit, to pull him closer and—

Jesper shook his head to get rid of these thoughts. No matter how much he wanted to do this, touch him that way, kiss him, he would hold back and wait for the right moment.

“Good morning, gorgeous.” Holding out the cup of coffee for Wylan, Jesper watched his cheeks heat up and turn a pretty pink colour. Saints, he really enjoyed making him blush, seeing him like this and being the reason for that.

“Thank you. And good morning.” Wylan took the cup from him, cradling it in both hands.

“Busy day ahead of you?” Jesper raised his cup to take a sip, but kept his eyes on Wylan.

“Pretty much, yes. I’ve got a couple of bouquets I have to make that will be picked up later on. And take stock of everything that’s still there before I order.”

Numbers are easy, he'd told Jesper. He’d found his own way of organising, of making lists, that nobody else could probably read, but that was okay. As for mails and orders, technology was a big help, with text to speech tools and the other way around. And when he got an order over the phone? Wylan usually started drawing the orders, which was fact that Jesper thought very cute and very fitting for him.

“That really sounds like a busy day, so I don’t want to keep you too long.” As much as he wanted to skip work and just spend time with Wylan, he knew that it wasn’t a wise decision. He might have changed his mind if Wylan had the day off, but he didn’t want to be the reason, he had to close his shop and some people wouldn’t get their bouquets.

“I wish you could stay, but you’re quite the distraction,” Wylan said with a grin, trying to hide it behind the cup as he raised it to his lips.

“Oh, I do love being a distraction for you.” And he also loved when Wylan said stuff like that, that made his stomach flip. “But I better get to work as well. I’ll text you in my break.” Probably even before that, because he couldn’t resist.

“I’m looking forward to it. And thanks again for the coffee and the company.”

“Anytime, darling.” Jesper waved at him as he started walking, no matter how much the wish to kiss Wylan was still present - though to be fair, that wish was there all the time anyway, but it had been more prominent the moment he’d laid eyes on Wylan.

They had contact throughout the day, a message here and there, a picture in between and even short voice messages, that always made Jesper smile even more. Listening to Wylan instantly lifted his mood, especially because he took the time to do this while still working. He could hear him work in the background, and sometimes he even commented what he was doing, telling him which flower he was taking out, and that way he’d even found out that Calla Lilies were among his favourite flowers. Something he’d dropped so casually that Jesper had remembered it.

The afternoon was rather quiet and Jesper had sent Wylan a message from his way home just to check in how he was doing. He made a quick trip to the supermarket, because he’d promised to cook for his flatmates, and he still needed to get all the ingredients. Once he got home, he at least had an answer from Wylan, who was still busy making orders, but he promised not to overdo it and leave the rest for the next day.

Jesper took a photo of the pasta he’d prepared and sent it to Wylan before he started eating along with the others. There were some teasing words from Inej that were filled with love, and an eye roll from Kaz, who at least told him that dinner tasted quite good. A little too much salt, to which Inej had a comment as well, but none of that managed to make his smile vanish.

But there was something that managed to do that later on when they were sitting in the living room to watch a movie together. It was their weekly movie night, and Kaz had chosen the movie this time while Inej had been in charge of snacks. Movie night didn’t stop Jesper from texting Wylan, though, but it meant no voice messages, which he’d told him, because he could get away with typing, but not with listening to a message and even answering him. Kaz would probably confiscate his phone in that situation.

They’d been texting back and forth a little bit, but when the movie was nearly over, Wylan sent a message that left Jesper utterly confused.

But yeah so I kinda have a crush on you

He had to read the message twice because it was nothing he’d expected to read, but at the same time, he was doubting himself. What was going on here? Had he been going out with someone else? He’d thought that Wylan must have been interested in him, because otherwise there hadn’t been a reason for him to go out with Jesper, right? He quickly texted back:

Have we not been on like 3 dates already? Or did I completely misread what we were doing?

He kept staring at his phone, could see Wylan being online, reading the message, typing even, but then nothing. There was no reaction, no answer, nothing from him, and that was the moment he started panicking slightly. Putting his phone aside, Jesper got up to go to the kitchen, two pairs of eyes following him, and they were on him again immediately when he returned with a beer.

“What’s going on?” Inej asked, sitting up straighter, as if she’d sensed that something was up. Or maybe Jesper had given it away by jumping up and coming back with just one beer instead of asking the others.

“Well…” He didn’t want to drag the mood down, but he knew that Inej wouldn’t back down, so he handed her his phone to read the messages. What he hadn’t expected was Kaz showing interest as well and letting Inej show him the conversation.

“Oh Jesper…” Inej said with a soft sigh, handing the phone back to him.

“What? What did I do now?” He knew that tone, had heard it a hundred times, only that it was mixed with pity this time.

“It looks like this was a big step for Wylan judging by everything you’ve told us.” Reaching out her hand, Inej took Jesper’s in her own.

“He’s not like you,” Kaz weighed in, shrugging his shoulders. “And it looks like you scared him off.”

“That's exactly what I didn't want to do,” Jesper groaned, rubbing his free hand over his face and hair, before he looked up at the ceiling. 

“But you did.”

“Thanks Captain Obvious.” Closing his eyes, Jesper took a deep breath. He’d been so careful not to do anything stupid, to expect too much, to move forward too quickly, and now he may have ruined it with his quick response. He couldn’t delete the message anymore, and even if he could, it wouldn’t matter, because Wylan had already seen these words.

“It’s not the end of the world.” Inej was trying her best to calm him down with her words. “Talk to him, in person. Explain it to him and apologise.”

“It sounds so easy.” Another groan left his lips, but he knew that she was right. If he wanted this to work out, he needed to talk to Wylan. With everyone else, he wouldn’t worry, wouldn’t care and just shrug it off, but he’d fallen head over heels for Wylan, cared a whole lot about him, and didn’t just want to let him go. Not with how happy just the thought of him made him.

“Show him that you care.” Hearing those words from none other than Kaz made Jesper stare at him. For once, his advice was genuinely helpful and he wasn’t teasing him in any way. Jesper already had something in mind, but before that, he needed to try and talk to Wylan, ask him to meet so they could talk.

First of all, he apologised for his message, telling Wylan that he’d like to explain why he’d reacted that way, that he didn’t want to pressure him into anything. No answer. While everything inside him screamed to call Wylan, to drive by his apartment and talk to him, he didn’t do it, wanted to give him some time and hopefully answer him, but nothing happened. Not for the next three days.

Every morning, Jesper had to refrain from getting coffee for both of them, he didn’t even go to his favourite coffee shop to give Wylan some space, but after those three days, Jesper couldn’t take it anymore. He was going crazy with no answer from Wylan, no reaction whatsoever. If he just told him to leave him alone, Jesper would accept that, but therefore, Wylan would have to talk to him or at least answer one of his messages. But there was nothing.

It was his day off, which gave him even more time to mull things over, to reach for his phone and check again whether Wylan had texted him or even posted something on Instagram, but nothing had happened. And nothing happened for the rest of the day, so when evening rolled around, Jesper set his plan into motion. He knew that it was a hit or miss kinda thing, but at least he’d get an answer in the end, even if that would crush all his hopes and he’d never talk to Wylan again.

With the bouquet of differently coloured callas and some homemade caramel popcorn - because he’d told Wylan that he loved it and made it himself, so they’d talked about sharing it at one point - he made his way to Wylan’s building.

With his heart hammering in his chest, he searched the name tags on the board until he found the right one. Hendriks was printed on the tag in the same lettering as on his shop window. He was holding his breath while he waited for some kind of reaction on the other side of the intercom. Maybe he wasn’t even home? But there it was, a crackling sound and a soft, questioning: “Hello?”

“Oh, so you’re alive,” Jesper heard himself say, screwing his eyes shut and silently cursing himself, because he hadn’t wanted these words to come out of his mouth at all.

“Jesper.” It wasn’t a question, more a realisation, and there was something in Wylan’s voice that he couldn’t quite place.

“I’m sorry that was… I didn’t want to say that really. Though I am glad that you are alive and that nothing’s happened to you.” Babbling was a sign of his nervousness, and he hated it, but there was not really a way to stop it. At least not when he was standing here in front of the apartment building. “Look, can we please talk so I can explain it to you? I even have some peace offerings here.” There was still silence on the other end, which made Jesper give a defeated sigh. “If you tell me that you never want to talk to me again, I’ll leave right now and never bother you again, no matter how much I like you and have enjoyed our time together. But I need to hear you say it.”

After another moment of silence, Wylan pushed the buzzer for the front door and just said: “Third floor.”

The relief that flooded Jesper’s body wasn’t something he could describe with words, but luckily, he didn’t have to tell anyone. Instead, he was climbing the stairs as quickly as possible in case Wylan changed his mind. His racing heart and laboured breathing could probably be heard all the way up to the top floor, but he didn’t care, not when he finally lay eyes on Wylan standing in the doorway, looking way too good even in sweatpants, a loose shirt, and damp hair which made him assume that he’d just gotten out of the shower.

“Hi,” he said, a little out of breath, but still able to smile. His head was spinning a little, but he was able to keep his composure, keep his distance from Wylan to not overstep any boundaries.

“Hi.” Wylan’s voice was quiet, but if he looked closely, Jesper could see the hint of a smile on his lips.

“I… got you these.” Jesper held out the bouquet of callas for Wylan to take, and the way his eyes widened just slightly when he took it, was already something that put Jesper a little at ease.

“These are… gorgeous. Where did you get the purple ones? I’ve been trying to get my hands on them for a while.” Eyes still on the flowers, a smile spread on Wylan’s lips, appreciating the beauty of the bouquet Jesper had gotten him. Oh he knew about the meaning of the different colours and had chosen them accordingly. Purple for passion, pink for admiration, yellow for joy and white for faithfulness.

“I can show you.” Hopefully, he’d get the chance to do so, but before that, they needed to talk. “You mentioned that you liked them so much, so I thought I’d get you these.”

“I didn’t know you were paying attention.”

“I was paying attention,” Jesper replied, revelling in the blush that spread on Wylan’s cheeks. He had to clear his throat before he kept talking: “And I brought you some homemade popcorn as well.”

“Would you like to come in?” The question caught Jesper off guard in the best way, so he didn’t waste a second before he nodded.

Wylan walked in ahead of him, leading the way to the kitchen. After closing the door, Jesper hesitated a moment, but then he followed him, letting his eyes wander a bit, but once in the kitchen, they were immediately on Wylan again, watching him choose a vase for the flowers.

“You wanted to talk, so… talk,” Wylan said, not looking at Jesper, because he was still busy with the flowers.

“Okay.” Jesper put the container with the popcorn on the kitchen counter, because he feared that he would let it fall or throw it around the kitchen by accident because he was waving his arms around or something like that. With his hands free now, though, he started rubbing his fingers together, because he needed to give his hands something to do. The other hand flew up to rub the back of his neck when he eventually opened his mouth again: “I’m really sorry for how my message came across. I was just… I’d thought that I’d made my intentions clear, that you knew just how interested I was… am in you. So when you texted me that, I was just confused, because it sounded like you didn’t take our dates as real dates. And then I started questioning myself, because I didn’t want to come on too strong, didn’t want to put pressure on you, on this thing between us.”

Jesper heaved a sigh, leaning against the kitchen counter behind him and grabbing the edge so that he had something to hold onto. By now, Wylan was looking at him, eyes a little wider than before, but apart from that, his expression was unreadable for him - though maybe the fact that he was so nervous contributed to that, since he’d never found himself in a situation like this before.

“Relationships haven’t… really been my thing to be honest. But you, Wylan, you make me want to try.”

“I do?” The genuine surprise in his voice made Jesper chuckle.

“Yes! Why do you think I’m here? I’ve wanted to do everything right, to take it step by step and not rush anything.”

“Oh.”

“Oh?”

“I mean,” Wylan started, licking his lips as he seemingly tried to find the right words. “I was wondering why everything was moving so slowly.”

“What?” Now, it was Jesper, who was surprised, because this was not at all what he’d expected.

“I wasn’t sure what you wanted, because I thought I was sending the right signals and you were ignoring them, and when I kissed you on the cheek… it was only your cheek because I panicked, unsure of how you were feeling.”

“Wait, are you serious?” Jesper felt like he was getting whiplash because of this revelation. Had he been so careful that he’d ignored the signals Wylan had sent him? It seemed like they’d both confused each other. “I was so focused on not fucking it up that I actually did fuck it up with that.” I was funny in a way, but it had also led to them not talking for three days and for his heart aching to be with Wylan again.

“You didn’t fuck it up, Jes.” The chuckle that fell from Wylan’s lips was music to Jesper’s ears, made his heart skip another beat, and this time not because he’d sprinted up the stairs.

“No? I’m glad you think so, because it certainly felt like I did that. Not talking to you, hearing from you was torture, let me tell you, and I kept blaming myself for scaring you off with my message, and I wanted nothing more than to talk to—”

His words were cut off by Wylan’s lips on his own, and while he’d just been babbling, the kiss emptied his head and just left a happy startled Oh while his heart pounded in his chest, and his hands found Wylan’s waist to keep him right where he was. He couldn’t, wouldn’t let him go that quickly, not with how good it felt to have him this close, even when their lips parted again.

There was blessed silence for a few heartbeats, just their laboured breaths mingling in the tiny space between them. Wylan’s hands had found purchase on Jesper’s shoulders, almost clinging onto him.

“You talk too much, sometimes,” Wylan murmured after a moment, making them both chuckle. “And as much as I love listening to you, there’s moments when other activities are preferred.”

“Are there now?” Jesper couldn’t stop himself from grinning, one hand staying on Wylan’s waist, while he lifted the other one to brush some stray curls from Wylan’s forehead. “Well, I’m glad you found a way to shut me up then.”

“Mhm, me too.”

This time, Jesper met him halfway, leaning down a little to kiss him back, this time with more finesse, the gasp that landed in the kiss when he buried his fingers in Wylan’s curls only spurring him on to deepen the kiss. He had no idea how long they were standing there, how long they were kissing, but when they parted again, their lips were swollen, and laughter filled the air.

Taking Jesper’s hand, Wylan led him to the living room, grabbing the popcorn on the way. It was the perfect opportunity for their first movie together, right? So what if it was interrupted by more kisses and they couldn’t follow the whole plot? There was always next time, where they could watch the same movie and just kiss at different points to not miss the ones they were missing out on now, and Jesper was already looking forward to that, but for now, he just enjoyed having the man that had stolen his heart away in his arms, and being able to spend time with him.

[lunarthecorvus]

Alternate Universe - Regency Six Of Crows fanfiction recommendations

part of Lunar's soc fanficiton rec series

-------------------------------✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧----------------------------------

p.s. a few fics haven't been updated in a while but I'm recommending them because they are all still beautiful stories and worth the read

when existence or when hope is gone by @19burstraat

Wordcount: 27,573 Chapters: 1/1

Characters: Kaz Brekker, Inej Ghafa, Nina Zenik, Matthias Helvar, Jesper Fahey, Wylan Van Eck, Jan Van Eck, Alys Van Eck, Inej Ghafa's Mother, Inej Ghafa's Father

Tags: Alternate Universe - Regency, Alternate Universe - Historical, Implied/Referenced Sexual Assault, Napoleonic Wars, Jordie's dead again sorry poppet. Matthias isn't though!, Minor Matthias Helvar/Nina Zenik, Minor Jesper Fahey/Wylan Van Eck, Love Letters, maybe kaz should be a regency gent full time. they all wear gloves and are all repressed, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Written In the style of Jane Austen, (sort of), (I tried), kanej-typical intense pining

Author's summary/notes: “And have you made this entire call without once vexing or offending poor Miss Ghafa?” Captain Rietveld looked coolly at him. Inej bent her head over her sewing to hide her smiling, since she was not sure she would not laugh outright. She had not thought that Wylan would deliberately provoke the Captain, but perhaps his deference to his father did not reach anyone else. “I am sure that is not for me to decide,” said the Captain, “But I own I have been perfectly well behaved.” “Does he lie, Miss Ghafa?” “No— he has been quite tolerable company,” said Inej. “If not quite a perfect gentleman.” “You wound me, Miss Ghafa.” “I suspect I do not, Captain.” (A SOC Jane Austen/Regency AU) My summary/notes: This fic is so cute, I loved seeing the Inej and Nina's friendship in regency au, it was so sweet. Reading kanej interact with Austen coded manners was just so fun and fit them so well. If you love Jane Austen and Inej you will love this fic. The other crows relationships are in this fic and its so adorable.

A Hair's Breadth by QHQ

Wordcount: 60,833 Chapters: 46/? (hasn't been updated in a year and half)

Characters: Kaz Brekker, Inej Ghafa, Jesper Fahey, Nina Zenik, Matthias Helvar, Wylan Van Eck, Anika, Rotty, Alby Rollins, Pekka Rollins

Tags: Alternate Universe - Regency, regency au, Slow Burn, Marriage of Convenience, blend of the grishaverse and regency england, Basically, Touch Aversion, Past Sexual Abuse, Everyone Has Issues, Haphephobia, Minor Sexual Content, Canon-Typical Violence, Lack of Communication, Fake Marriage, Fake/Pretend Relationship, everyone is a badass

Author's summary/notes: Kaz Brekker has torn Pekka Rollins down. Brick by brick - just like he'd promised. Having wiggled himself into a position to inherit all of Rollins' estate, he finds himself at court, playing the same old tricks on fatter pigeons. Inej Ghafa is desperate. Lady Nina is to be married soon, and when that happens she will be returned to Tante Heleen and the Menagerie. Her only hope is to convince the newest noble at court - the dangerous Lord Brekker - to buy out her indenture. Needless to say: nothing goes as planned for either of them. My summary/notes: I have to warn you that this fic incomplete but its definitely still worth the read. QHQ is such a good Kanej writer I recommend their other fics. This fic has a good chunk of angst as its a marriage of convience.. but there are so sweet moments. They wrotes Inej's worries and experience of what its like to be a woman in regency era fit, and stayed honest to her character.

in another life by drisana

Wordcount: 55,009 Chapters: 9/20 (hasn't been updated in a year)

Characters: Kaz Brekker, Inej Ghafa, Nina Zenik, Jesper Fahey, Tante Heleen, Inej Ghafa's Mother, Inej Ghafa's Father, Kaz Brekker's Father, Kaz Brekker's Mother, Zoya Nazyalensky, Nikolai Lanstov, Genya Safin

Tags: Alternate Universe - Regency, Arranged Marriage, Marriage of Convenience, Married kanej learning to love each other, kaz arranges a marriage, so inej can work for the dregs, Marriage, Wedding, Scandal, Grishaverse racism, Abandonment, Major Character Injury, Separation, Reunions, Threats, Ravka being broke as usual, Complicated Relationships, Unreliable Narrator, so many creative liberties taken sorry i havent read soc in ages

Author's summary/notes: "What did you think of the Suli girl, then, oh Saint of great virtue?” Inej hears a match strike, then a drag of a cigarette before Brekker answers, “As lovely as she is smart. And smart enough to be utterly terrified of me.” Jesper wiggles his eyebrows, “Lovely enough to tempt you?” Brekker hesitates, and Inej sees Nina grin, a hand over her mouth and the other one gripping Inej like a lifeline. He leans back against the tree, dark hair disrupting his handsome features, and lets out a long exhale, “Yes.” My summary/notes: Stays true to Inej's canon background so be prepared for flashbacks, we do get to see her heal and grow. I'm not sure how much to say without spoiling but we have Kanej taking down *horrible* people together. A lot of Nina and Jesper appearances, especially Nina's friendship with Inej and Jesper's friendship with Kaz, we love them <3.

A Gentleman in Possession of a Good Fortune...Has No Need for a Wife by aplaceforallmyshipstoanchor @a-true-janian-reply

Wordcount: 29,892 Chapters: 8/12 (hasn't been updated in a few months)

Characters: Inej Ghafa, Kaz Brekker, Nina Zenik, Zoya Nazyalensky, Matthias Helvar, Jesper Fahey, Wylan Van Eck, Original Characters, Per Haskell, Pekka Rollins (mentioned), The Ghafas

Tags: Uneasy Allies, Marriage of Convenience, Heists, friends - Freeform, romantic content, But first a lot of buildup because we know these two, Alternate Universe - Regency, Regency-lite, Shenangians, Societal rules, Violence, Multi Chapter, What if the Crows were in Regency England and yet still got up to crime, More tags to follow, Panic Attacks

Author's summary/notes: The Ghafas travel to London to strengthen Mr. Ghafa's ties with English trade. Per Haskell's business is known as a well-established , if old fashioned, institution and enters into business with Mr. Ghafa. His apprentice Mr. Brekker, an austere young man, is secretly running the business and encounters the Ghafas at a ball. When Inej overhears vital information about an attack on Haskell's warehouse from a local gang she goes to Mr. Brekker for help. When Mr. Brekker needs her help again, the two orchestrate a courtship as a cover for their increasingly dangerous adventures. How far will the charade go? And how many times will Mr. Brekker try to convince himself their partnership is merely an investment for the future? My summary/notes: I adored reading Kanej develop in this fic, we get to see them grow from strangers to friends to...... and Mama + Papa Ghafa are in this fic, I love them so much. It was so interesting reading the way they adapted canon to fit and it works really well. One thing I loved was Inej being vigilante and being the Wraith in regency era. The writing is incredible

[reonnex]

Wesper Fanfic wip

This is a wip of a wesper fic I had been writing! I know I should be updating my own fic but I was kinda stuck on the next chapter and decided to write something else for a break as that has been the only thing I've been working on since middle of April :)

Note that this is not edited at all and only one small section of it! (Minor cw for mentions of the tonics Jan Van Eck gave wylan and his not so great parenting skills)

. . . . . . . . . . . . .

Jesper laughed after a joke Wylan had made, setting the bottle of vodka down on the table infront of them as the night continued on.

Jesper and Wylan had just finished a report on the lastest stocks and had been able to sell some new business that they had been stressing about the past few weeks, which they had to celebrate the fact.

Marya was staying away a few days visting Plumje and Alys who Marya viewed as family as well. She didn't see her as a daughter but did family even need a label?

Wylan had been worried about how Marya and Alys would get along, but he had nothing to worry about! Sure there was a little tension at first. Marya being Van Ecks first wife he tried to kill and Alys having to deal with Van Eck now in Hellgate. But after just a few hours the two became inseparable. Gossping and grinning like friends who kne each other for years.

So naturally, Jesper and Wylan had the night to themselves.

Like school boys breaking into their parents wine collection, Wylan had grabbed a few bottles from the wine celler a laughing giggling mess as he handed one to Jesper.

About only thirty minutes in to the night, Wylans cheeks were bright red now with a lopsided smile and his eyes seemed a bit unfosued.

"Im just saying-" Wylan giggled as the drink sloshed in his hand. "Think about it! Talking is just so interesting! Me just moving my mouth is sending vibrations through the air- Soundwaves- like how does thay even work? How can my body store information in my brain and I can transfer that data out by vibrations so perfect that they form sounds? Or words? For that matter why cant an instrument make words? Why can't an instrument talk to us!" He asked with full seriousness.

"Saints Wy you're such a lightweight." Jesper had laughed shaking his head. "You haven't even had a full bottle yet."

"Psh- I've drunk before! Drank...? I am drunk but I have drank plenty of times."

Jesper laughed out again. He could feel the tug of the acholol on him as well, and was definitely starting to feel drunk right now.

But definitely not as drunk as Wylan.

"You went to mercher parties growing up. How are you this drunk over not even one bottle?"

Because the ones they served at those parties are weak!" Wylan snorted. "They're like- sparkling water. And for your information Jesper Llewellyn Fahey." He teased. "I was too young to drink anything there before my father stopped taking me out in public. " He chuckled, as a unsettling feeling crept into Jesper at that comment. "The barrel though. Now this is drunk material." He held the glass up to the sky. "If this was given out to Merchers then...they would pass out. No one would be able to hold their liqueur. Maybe Kaz should replace them all next time if he wants to know secrets so badly."

Jesper laughed and shook his head again as he drank from his own glass, amused by Wylans rant.

"I used to hate drinking." He said after a moment.

"Im shocked." Jesper replied, gesturing to the now empty bottle sitting on the table infront of them.

Wylan shoved him playfully, resulting in Jesper snickering.

"Im serious!" He slurred out. "Did you know that acholol orginally was made up from rice, honey, and hawthron fruit?"

"I did not." Jesper smiled.

"Yeah! Though it could of just been grapes but it was found in residue clay pots in Shu-Han like- thousands upon thousands of years ago."

Jesper could listen to Wylan ramble for hours.

"Well technically acholol is just the name of a whole rang of molecules that are formed when oxygen and hydrogen atoms bind with an atom of carbon." Wylan explained as he drank more from his glass, frowning when nothing came out before looking back to Jesper. "But in alcoholic drinks, acholol is just the specific small molecule, ethanol." He replied.

"The ethanol....ethanol..." he snapped his fingers as if trying to find the word before finally continuing on. "Taste reminded me of my medication."

What?

"Medication?" Jesper frowned. This was not the direction he expected this coveration to go.

"Yeah!" Wylan smiled out. "Couldn't stand the smell of it for like the longest time. I would get nauseous and worry the doctor my father hired would give me more." Wylan said with such little care.

"Slow down what medicine?" Jesper asked, moving to place his drink down before leaning back on the couch, looking at Wylan worriedly.

"You know! The medication to cure me. To...to try to fix my brain to get me to read? I told you about it didnt I?"

No. No Wylan didn't.

[barrel-crow-n]

Kaz being horrible to Kuwei in chapter 3 (with Jesper occasionally acting as a Kaz-translator + a jab at Matthias because apparently Kaz can't stop himself) <3

"What did I tell you?" Kaz growled, pointing his cane at him.

"My Kerch isn't very good," protested Kuwei.

"Don't run games on me, kid. It's good enough. Stay in the tomb."

Kuwei hung his head. "Stay in the tomb," he repeated, glumly.

"Well?" Jesper prodded.

"I have other interests," Kuwei replied.

Kaz's black gaze pinned Kuwei like the tip of a dagger. "I suggest rethinking your priorities."

Jesper gave Kuwei another nudge. "That's Kaz's way of saying, 'Help Wylan or I'll seal you up in one of these tombs and see how that suits your interests.'"

"I would prefer to go to Ravka," he repeated more firmly. Kaz's flat black gaze fastened on Kuwei and held. Kuwei squirmed nervously. "Why is he looking at me this way?"

"Kaz is wondering if he should keep you alive," said Jesper. "Terrible for the nerves. I recommend deep breathing. Maybe a tonic."

"Jesper, stop," said Wylan.

"Both of you need to relax." Jesper patted Kuwei's hand. "We're not going to let him put you in the ground."

Kaz raised a brow. "Let's not make any promises just yet."

"Come on, Kaz. We didn't go to all that trouble to save Kuwei just to make him worm food."

There was a long, tense pause, then Kaz ran a gloved thumb over the crease of his trousers and said, "Nina, love, translate for me? I want to make sure Kuwei and I understand each other."

"Kaz-" she said warningly.

Kaz shifted forward and rested his hands on his knees, a kind older brother offering some friendly advice. "I think it's important that you understand the change in your circumstances. Van Eck knows the first place you'd go for sanctuary would be Ravka, so any ship bound for its shores is going to be searched top to bottom. The only Tailors powerful enough to make you look like someone else are in Ravka, unless Nina wants to take another dose of parem."

Matthias growled.

"Which is unlikely," Kaz conceded. "Now, I assume you don't want me to cart you back to Fjerda or the Shu Han?"

It was clear that Nina had finished the translation when Kuwei yelped, "No!"

"The your choices are Novyi Zem and the Southern Colonies, but the Kerch presence in the colonies is far lower. Also, the weather is better, if you're partial to that kind of thing. You are a stolen painting, Kuwei. Too recognisable to sell on the open market, too valuable to leave lying around. You are worthless to me."

"I'm not translating that," Nina snapped.

"Then translate this: My sole concern is keeping you away from Jan Van Eck, and if you want me to start exploring more definite options, a bullet is a lot cheaper than putting you on a ship to the Southern Colonies."

Nina did translate, though haltingly.

Kuwei responded in Shu. Nina hesitated. "He says you're cruel."

"I'm pragmatic. If I were cruel, I'd give him a eulogy instead of a conversation. So, Kuwei, you'll go to the Southern Colonies, and when the heat has died down, you can find your way to Ravka or Matthias' grandmother's house for all I care."

"Leave my grandmother out of this," Matthias said.

Nina translated, and at last, Kuwei gave a stiff nod.

[huntershowl-moving]

SHIPPING INFO // ANSWER THE FOLLOWING FOR YOUR MUSES SO PEOPLE KNOW HOW SHIPPING WORKS ON YOUR BLOG.

WHAT IS YOUR OTP FOR YOUR CHARACTER(S)?

i don't have one particular otp — big ships change depending on the Era hellhound is in!

HOW LARGE DOES THE AGE GAP HAVE TO BE TO MAKE IT UNCOMFORTABLE?

nothing illegal obviously — other than that, aside from long-lifespan characters whose mental maturation is slower, i generally stay away from with 10+ year age gaps when the younger muse is under 20. just feels like a weird power dynamic i guess?

ARE YOU SELECTIVE WHEN SHIPPING?

yes! ships on this blog cannot be pre-established — i tend to lose interest fast if they don't build up naturally, either through lots of ooc plotting or through writing. on top of that, seph is ... piiiiicky. she has very specific Types. generally, ships with very gentle, soft, mentally well-adjusted characters are possible, but transient — seph falls out of love after a point, but remains staunchly protective of them.

the long and short of the matter is she's a freak, and you kind of have to match that to be compatible as a long-term partner. but even then they don't always line up perfectly! idk. seph's weird. simultaneously very easy to ship with and very hard to ship with.

WHO ARE OTHER CHARACTERS YOU SHIP YOUR CHARACTER WITH?

oh i've got lots of good ones going on right now!! pls forgive me for gushing. focusing on currently heavily-plotted and/or written ones for this bit bc otherwise it will be pages and pages!! if i forgot someone you have full permission to impale me on a pike i am SO SORRY. (all of these will be under a readmore at the end of the post for length!)

there are more sort of beginnings/potentials for ships that haven't been explored yet which i haven't included here, but i'm truly excited to see where each and every one of them goes!!!

DOES ONE HAVE TO ASK TO SHIP WITH YOU?

yes absolutely hahaha — at least communicating ooc about it is necessary! i'm much more comfortable shipping with partners i mesh well with as a mun and have an easy time talking to.

ARE YOU SHIP-OBSESSED OR SHIP MORE-OR-LESS?

LOOK I. LISTEN. LISTEN... IM FERAL FOR SHIPS. FERAL. even though seph is picky about them — and i promise it's not personal if it doesnt work, it truly is just her dumb creature ass being unable to normal.

WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE SHIP IN YOUR CURRENT FANDOM?

N/A for this blog, but as a fun trivia fact, i'm deep in satosugu hell rn

FINALLY, HOW DOES ONE SHIP WITH YOU?

it's all vibes babey. we just start writing their non-romantic dynamic buildup, and if it clicks (or even if u just think ur character would have a crush!) we talk about it ooc and plot some more, then plot some more and before u know it, the angst hammer looms over ur head

Tagged by: @bearratic (thank youuuu!!) Tagging: (points) do it

ship gushing below. <3

@vsagis' villain izuku— i had to put u first bc u kickstarted this shipping renaissance. seph and izuku clicked instantly and started a long-term trajectory that i don't think either of us writers expected. they're just freak enough to match each other, just soft enough to genuinely care. we're really putting these two through the horrors(tm) and watching them fall hopelessly, horribly in love. <3

@spiritcrown's pasha — how could i not mention pasha!! i was so happy to see you back, because pasha and seph's relationship was soooo formative for seph's development wrt romance. seph is absolutely, completely and utterly devoted to pasha. they worship at the altar of her. they would bend heaven and raise hell for her.

@crowshoots' jesper — UAHGHGBBHBH INCOHERENT CRYING NOISES. the first thing seph noticed about jesper was extremely respectable fighting skills, but even then they were definitely uhhhh touch and go for a while there before they started to simmer down and. pin each other down and — one thing led to another and jesper's being antagonized by her antagonists and they're too deeply in love to go back!! i love them. i l

@crowgreeds' kaz — HHHHHHHHH god. hi siri i know ur not around the dash much but idc im writing u into this. kaz and seph both have such a darkness in them that the other recognizes and not only feeds, but when necessary, balances. they're ruthless and violent and mean but at the same time, they have such a softness for each other that they both thought was dead. also, you're the recipient of probably the best rp reply i've ever written (that fucking. hellhound kill description. my GOD im feral for seph protecting him)

@tewwor.... goose is2g we really have the creatures ever. litho — FIRST SHIP!!!! FIRST SHIIIP i still cant believe it took 4 irl years for them to finally admit their stupid feelings. now they're soulmates and there's no turning back. he's the reason seph likes poetry in every verse. the softest snarkiest ship. probably the closest to a true YA-style soulmate seph has. she hasn't forgiven him for all the twilight jokes though tough luck jie & ricochet — the boys... the absolute chaos trio... i never expected seph and jie to fall for each other but honestly i should have. he falls so neatly into her "equally feral" type. ricochet is so calm and seph is kind of intoxicated by that. sheathed claws kind of vibe. just love these three their dynamic balances itself so well

@spungolden's dio — two femmes raised as weapons with deeply suppressed emotions, chillin in a murder alley, five feet apart cause theyre not g— (theyre gay. theyre so gay) these two are so sweet they sometimes make me tear up. they skipped the trauma stage and went straight into lesbian domestic fantasy with only occasional murder.

@chaoslulled oh boy(s). toji — brutally in love. they saw and embraced each other's monster, refused to shy away, and now they somehow revolve in this strange orbit of violent and incredibly soft with each other. i think he's the first of the current ship lineup that seph has in-thread said the L-word to. this ship was so easy to jump right into, the chemistry was like lightning in a bottle. satoru — one of the most genuinely unexpected slowburn ships i've stumbled into. these two read each other for filth INSTANTLY as lonely motherfuckers who, in some way or another, had loved and lost. they haven't even gotten to the oh-shit moment in the slowburn yet but i'm lookin forward to it yakuza sukuna — THE PAIN. THE SUFFERING. AUHHHGHGGGG HOL YOU'RE FUCKING KILLING MEEEE. these two are mirrors in the worst possible way. they've got their throats stuck under their boss' boot heels; they've been disfigured, they've had their siblings used as leverage, they've been made into muzzled dogs. despite hating each other at the start, they can't not recognize that, and it's led to this fierce protectiveness that isssss whoops evolving into feelings. i'm sure nothing will go wrong

@eraserisms' shota — AHHHHHHH god okay most of this ship has been pure plotting vibes and responses to memes, but i truly cannot wait to get into writing more of them because they own my heart and soul. i think they know each other to the marrow in a way that's not super common for seph, and the gentleness and caution with which they're starting to explore revisiting their care for each other is heartbreaking in the best way

@sasouken BEE!!!! ok chronologically(??): deku — so precious and wholesome from the start. your honor he's just a little guy with a big dumb crush. when i tell uuuuuu some of our plotting has literally made me tear up a little??? the absolute bleeding heart on this boy??? HURTS ME??? one day they'll hold hands casper — slated to be our angstiest dynamic, i just Know it. two motherfuckers who love their siblings, inextricably involved in a tangled web of crime and violence. two people who have lost so much and don't want to lose anyone ever again. i will die i WILL satoru — such... a different vibe than i was expecting in an amazing way?? his dynamic with seph is so fuckin sweet? so much physical touch born of trust and comfort. also again: her first ever fwb (for now), which is truly a wild thing to experience. sukuna — i .. . dont even know what to say about this one. (affectionate). he unlocked an entirely new dimension of freak in seph's psyche and attraction style that i couldn't comprehend before we started writing them but retrospectively makes so much sense. what the fuck is going on with these two i have no idea but i am OBSESSED with it. also writing them getting down nasty has been extremely fun, i'm enjoying it a lot

[babydollmarauders]

have you done lovie + jack headcanons??? if not i would love to see some!!! <3

i have not! and i’m ngl, i’ve never done headcanons, so i had to ask the gc how to do them— so i hope i haven’t failed you with these!

this is so late and i’m so sorry. this has been sitting in my drafts for so long now and i just remembered about it.

on Lovie and Jack’s first real date, they went to the drive-in, and Jack spilled his coke on her top. he thought it ruined his chances, but Lovie just laughed and stole the hoodie that she knew was under his passenger seat.

Lovie’s lockscreen was a picture of her and Jack after one of his USA games, all the way until El was born! then it switched to a picture of Jack holding El to his chest, doing skin time. it’s still her lockscreen to this day.

we all know Jack calls her “lovie” , but from that, she started calling him “love” and they both call El “lovely”. so it’s a family of love nicknames.

a few months into their engagement, Lovie was dress shopping with Ellen, and thought she found her dress, so she took a picture. later that day, she accidentally sent the picture to Jack instead of the selfie she took of her and Ellen out to lunch. Lovie proceeded to freak out for DAYS, thinking that she accidentally showed jack her wedding dress before the wedding. which prompted her to drag Ellen and Quinn into a different dress store one day while they were shopping, which led to her finding her the dress she absolutely fell in love with and ended up actually being her wedding dress.

Quinn once smacked 17 year old Lovie on the back of the head after seeing her cooing from afar over Jack playing with his little cousin. Quinn told her “don’t even think about it. you’re still teens.” to which she replied “i wasn’t thinking about it!” … she was definitely thinking about it.

when they first moved to Jersey, Lovie was still technically 17, so she felt awkward sitting with the other WAGS. after she opened up to Jack about her nerves, he let it slip to Bratt. it was Jesper’s girlfriend, Nicole, who took Lovie under her wing and made her feel comfortable, because “just because you’re young, doesn’t mean you aren’t a WAG. in fact, it may even be best, because we get to be there for you and teach you the ropes and how to deal with it all.”

Jack called her in tears on his first roadie because he was disappointed in how he played and overwhelmed with it all, and he just really wanted his Lovie in that moment. they ended up staying on facetime the entire night, even once they fell asleep.

Jack and Lovie’s first time was when his parents and Luke once went on a last minute trip to visit family and left him home alone because he had a game. afterwards, Lovie felt so guilty that she had come over and done something so scandalous while his parents weren’t home, that she called Quinn and confessed it all. Quinn and Jack both had to reassure her that she wasn’t a bad person for simply taking advantage of the alone time.

Lovie was a dancer from the time she could walk. Jack was able to go to a few of her recitals, and every time, he would bring her a giant bouquet of Lilies, her favorite flower, and was always put into awe of how graceful she was when dancing. especially because she’s a pretty clumsy person any other time.

when Jack and Lovie found out they were having a girl, they had to do a coin toss to decide if Jack would try and convince El to play hockey, or if Lovie would put her in ballet. Jack won, but as soon as El was born, they both scrapped it and decided that they’ll teach her the basics of both and she would be able to choose whatever she wanted to do, even if it’s not hockey or ballet.

Jack pre-cuts cucumbers for Lovie every morning if he can, because they’re her favorite snack and he knows that it can sometimes be hard for her to get a chance to make something to eat with El attached to her hip. so, he tries to have them cut and ready for her so that she can just take the container out of the fridge and not have to actually do any prep. sometimes she drizzles them in italian dressing, but most times she just shakes them in tajin.

[she-posts-nerdy-stuff]

New series idea: analysing my favourite (underrated) lines from Six of Crows

I feel like I haven't given you any analysis in a while, and I've had this idea for some time now so I thought it was worth giving it a try. This is going to be a list of my personal favourite quotes in Chapter 2 of Six of Crows with explanation/analysis for any that I have an explanation/analysis for - but if a famous or popular quote isn't included then it's not because I don't like it, it's just because I don't feel I have anything new to add to the existing analyses around it. And yeah, if you guys like this then I'll make it a more regular thing and go through chapter by chapter (probably sometimes including multiple chapters in one post), so let me know what you think!

(Also, I chose to start with Chapter 2 on purpose because I don't have loads to say about Chapter 1, but if anyone is interested I'm open to trying it in the future)

"every favour came with enough strings attached to stage a puppet show" - ugh words cannot explain my love of this quote. Not only is this a gorgeous and vibrant metaphor that brings forth very clear imagery, it also achieves two different concepts relating to the idea of the "puppet show". Firstly, we have the idea that Kaz is the puppet master and Ketterdam is his stage; he is in complete control, he can bend the city to his whims, and it's ultimate his say that can make or break someone. This is definitely the image we're given of Kaz in the opening two chapters, and this singular line really reinforces that, however the rest of the book and many of the descriptions in Crooked Kingdom unravel this view very quickly. This description far better fits Pekka Rollins, which brings me onto the other concept relating to the "puppet show": the question of who it actually is pulling the strings. Arguably Kaz is a puppet on Rollins' stage, and Rollins a puppet on the Merchant Councils'. each has power but each is ultimately at the whims of the other. This brings worth the suggestion that something darker is at play and that there's far more to Kaz than initally meets the eyes before we've even met him, so in short it's just completely and utter genius.

"Kaz hated a puzzle he couldn't solve, and he and Inej had concocted a hundred theories to account for the murder - none of which satisfied" - again, Kaz has thus far said a single line, and not one with a lot of information in it ("Yes and no. It's always good to have a country in debt to you, makes for friendlier negotiations) and yet we know so much about him - and even some details about his relationship with Inej! It even tells us a lot about Inej; we've been presented with a figure heralded as near-omnipotent in his city, someone no-one wants to be on the wrong side of, someone who has complete control over every conversation he has with you, and she is someone with whom he will spend hours trying to solve a riddle? So then, the reader is forced to think, what kind of power does she has? What makes her worthy of his closeness, why does he trust her, and why does she know him well enough to so intimately know his likes and dislikes? Inej hasn't even spoken yet.

"But it didn't feel neutral to Inej. It felt like the hush of the woods before the snare yanks tight and the rabbit starts to scream" - ok most of my enjoyment of this quote is just of the beautiful prose, however I would like to add that all six Crows experienced this sort of 'calm before the storm' leading up to the most painful experiences of their lives - Wylan thinking he could go to music school, Inej at the beach with her parents and calling sleepily to the man she though was her father, Kaz staying at the cafe and meeting Margit and Saskia, Matthias knowing he was going to be a big brother, Jesper seeing his mother for the last time when she picked him up and hugged him even though he was up past his bedtime, Nina feeling that she had purpose and loving the way she could help her country - so this could be considered foreshadowing.

" 'Care to place a wager?' Jesper asked.

'I'm not going to bet on my own death,'

Kaz flipped his hat onto his head and ran his gloved fingers along the brim in a quick saulte. 'Why not Bolliger? We do it every day,' "

"Kaz had done his best to teach her, but she didn't quite have his way with breaking and entering, and it took her a few tries to finesse the lock" - my main source for liking this quote comes from an analysis I did a while ago when someone asked me about comapring this quote and Kaz's self-proclaimed "shoddy job" of teaching her to pick locks. It's a while since I posted that so I'll run through it here briefly, basically it's very indicative of their relationship dynamic. Whilst both place the other on a pedestal, they do it in different ways, and Kaz particularly often glorifies Inej and almost finds it difficult to accept that she, like anyone, must be flawed. So if she fails at something, like picking locks as well as he can, and she cannot possibly be flawed then the error must be in his teaching - it can never be with her. It's also a glaring example of Kaz's self-destructive nature. My other reason for liking this quotes is just that it once again tells us about the characters so early on and without having to directly explain it to us - we know Kaz is good with locks because he tried to teach Inej and she isn't as good as him, but she still manages to get it open.

' "I'm a business man,' he'd told her, 'No more, no less,'

'You're a thief, Kaz,'

'Isn't that what I just said?' " - I ADORE this, but honestly all I can say for analysis is that it sums up the entire theme of the novels beuatifully.

"Now he looked like some kind of priest come to preach to a group of circus performers" - this sets up a great parallel that I've mentioned before in one of my "little details you might have missed/forgotten" posts, but it's also interesting to have it come from Inej's perspective since she's incredibly religious and performed as a travelling acrobat with her family. It's probably drawn from personal experience, someone in dark clothes who judges the brightness of Suli traditional clothing and/or culture and tries to preach religion to a group who've already long found it because they don't align with thier idea of religion. It's even possible that she links that idea with Kaz, not because of his actions but because he's from a country that has perversely sexualised and condemned her culture and he dresses like the rich merchants who would preach this exact kind of message - and possibly even have visited her at the Menagerie, where she was forced to appropriate her own heritage and way of life for the enjoyment of those who look down it with no reason for doing so.

"Inej pitied the boy who might die alone with no one to comfort him in his last hours or who might live and spend his life as an exile. But the night's work wasn't over yet, and the Wraith didn't have time for traitors" - this is one of the few but fabulous examples we get of the idea that "Inej" and "the Wraith" are separate entities; Inej being the girl she was, the girl she should have been, and the Wraith being a creation of necessity to aid survival. Inej is a religious young woman from Ravka who has been through far more than she should have done, but the Wraith was born and raised on the blood-soaked streets of Ketterdam and has every intention of surviving them - no matter the cost. This concept is only mentioned a few times, however it runs a beautiful parallel with the distinction between Kaz Rietveld and Kaz Brekker, or Kaz and Dirtyhands depending on how you look at it.

Ok I realise this is a pretty long post but thanks for reading it if you got this far, and I really enjoyed making this so please let me know if you guys would enjoy seeing more. And, in summary, Leigh Bardugo is a genius

[theemporium]

🚨ANOTHER NEW PAIRING🚨

nicojack x fem!nhl!reader

ok so they all get drafted first over all by the devils right after one another

nico in 2017, reader in 2018, and jack in 2019

and from the jump they all are really close to each other and no one really knows if they’re all dating or not

because the three of them act like they’ve been married for 20+ years, but all say they are single

and eventually they all end up being in leadership positions. nico as cap, jack and reader as the alternates

and through the responsibility of leading the team they finally realize the jokes they make with each other have a truck load of want for the jokes not to be jokes behind them

and they keep it on a need to know basis until a notif on the group chat they have for personal use pops up on one of their phones

and the team is like what tf is “CAPTAINS AFTER DARK 😈🤫🔥”

☕️

PLEASE THE THREE OF THEM BEING A WEE SUPPORT GROUP TO EACH OTHER🥹

the feelings obviously being there but polyamory just not being a thing any of them have every considered at first. so, it’s just easy to ignore the fact you’re in love with two of your closest friends and pretend like everyone is okay and happy

it actually leads to the others making bets on which pairing will end up together. jesper is convinced it will be nico and the reader, but luke thinks it will be jack and reader. and then jonas pops in to say that it’s definitely nico and jack. like everyone has a wee bet going on

and then it’s revealed in some hilarious way like there’s a fire alarm at the hotel they are staying at and they see all three of them leave one hotel room with messy hair, partially dressed and hickeys forming and everyone is like :0

[haveihitanerve]

Home

Kaz Brekker stood in his small, cramped attic room, and stared out the window. Fat drops of rain pelted the glass and Kaz lips twitched as he watched a few last minute shoppers rush home through the downpour they were facing. His ungloved hands were clasped in front of him, but they dropped to dangle at his sides instead when he heard the door creak. “Hello Inej.” He said, his voice hardly louder than a whisper. She had wanted him to be aware of his arrival, for while the door had creaked, no other sound was made until she stood at his side, her slender fingers sliding into his. Kaz squeezed them, marveling at her soft hands, and the fact that he could do this. Hold the hand of the woman he loved without freezing up, or shaking, or having violent flashbacks. She had broken his fear/hate/dislike/trauma of touch slowly, recruiting Jesper for help, since the two of them had known him the longest and were closest to him, so their touch was known. It still made Kazs heart twist a little, in fondness and affection, when he thought of how ready the two had been to help him overcome this. The thought that they still cared for him, despite all he had done, despite who he was, and how he had treated them. Albeit there own selfish reasons for wanting to break his hatred of touch. They had gone slow, and Kaz was grateful, though he knew they were both eager. Despite her years at the menagerie, Inej’s love language was touch, and Jesper had grown up in a very affectionate household. But they had always been good about it.

Inej had never touched him except maybe to brush against his side in passing, or a light hand on the shoulder. And Jesper had refrained from hugging him, or slapping him on the back, or ruffling his hair the way he was prone to doing with other Crows. Instead Jesper had always kept his hands to himself, knocking their shoulders together in silent comradery, offering a fist bump in place of a hug. It had never been intended to break his dislike of touch, but now it had turned into it. Inej would slide up behind him and press herself against his back for a second, longer each time, before pulling away again, never staying long enough to suffocate him. She would trace patterns across his chest and shoulders and brows, fingertips trailing lightly across his skin. She would brush their fingers together, maybe hook one or two, but never for too long. Never too much. Jesper increased his shoulder bumping activities, and sometimes would even venture to drape his arm around Kaz’s shoulders for a quick second before pulling away again. When Kaz would sit down, Jesper would sit next to him and grab his legs so they slung over his lap, playing drums on his good knee. As time had worn on, Kaz had found himself enjoying the simple touches, and on occasion he would even miss them, or seek them out. The two Crows had never pushed, and somehow also knew how much Kaz was able to handle without he even knowing himself. Apparently today was a good day, because Inej slid her whole hand inside of his, entwining their fingers together. Kaz let his thumb circle lightly on her knuckles, and she rested her head on his shoulder. “Hello Kaz.” she whispered. “Hello Jesper!” Came the call from the door as it was kicked open and Jesper strolled in. He grinned at them both, joining them at the window and draping an around around Kaz’s shoulders. Kaz rolled his eyes. His room had always been a safe haven, a place he could get away from everyone, but somehow that everyone no longer applied to the Six of Crows. Not that Kaz could say the definition of his room had changed. “Its a beauty aint it?” Jesper asked with a pleased sigh, leaning his head against Kaz’s. “What is?” Kaz asked in mild annoyance, leaning his head away only to knock it back harder. Jesper snorted, rubbing his head before placing it right back where it had started. Kaz grumbled. “Our city.” He pointed at the window. “Ain't she gorgeous?” he breathed in reverent awe. “You got the best view of her Kaz. Thats for sure.” Inej hummed her agreement but Kaz frowned, trying to see the city the way they did. As a place of beauty. And maybe it was the fact that he was holding Inejs hand without his gloves. Or maybe it was the fact that despite his attempted annoyance at Jesper, he was really enjoying the way his arm wrapped around his shoulders. Or maybe it was his throbbing head from knocking too hard into Jespers, but whatever the reason, it was as though Kaz truly was seeing the city through new eyes. “Yes.” he breathed, blinking a few times in surprise. “She really is.”

[chaosofmanyfandoms]

Tuesdays | Jesper Fahey x GN Reader

There were some things big you loved about working for Kaz Brekker, like planning and executing risky heists, stealing jewels, money, or even once you had helped steal a really ugly hat.

And then there were the little things you liked about working for Kaz and with your bestfriends. Like staying up until the sun came up talking with your closest friends after a successful heist, or that one time you and Nina tried to bake together, and the kitchen was a disaster afterward.

All of those are great, but your absolute favorite thing about working for Kaz, was every single Tuesday night he would station you and Jesper to guard the door. Now, Tuesdays were typically uneventful, so you usually spent most of the night sitting side by side with your good friend, who you just so happened to have just about the biggest crush in.

One Tuesday night made everything change between the two of you.

The night was slow, just a few regulars and a handful of pigeons. So as usual for a Tuesday night, the two of you sat side by side infront of the door, chatting away.

"Do you think Kaz hates cats, or is he a cat kind of guy?" Jesper asked laughing.

"Oh, he's totally a secret cat lover." You say, making Jesper agree.

You continued the conversation by trying to guess which of your friends were dog or cat people. After a while, Jesper changed the subject.

"If I liked someone, how should I go about it?" He asked, looking over at you in a burst of confidence. He was definitely glad for how dark it was, so you couldn't see the faint blush on his cheeks.

"You've never had problems liking people before." You said with a teasing smile as you bumped your shoulder against his.

"But this person is different, I want to make sure they know that I really really like them. I would even say I love them. Not just for a fling, but they're someone I could easily see my forever with, and I don't know how to tell them that." Jesper said, now not being able to look at you. He just told you everything he's been wanting to tell you forever and, even though you didn't know that he was talking about you, he was nervous about what you would say.

"I say, you should tell them everything you just told me, Jes. If they don't love you back, then they're crazy, ok?" You said, sad that he loved someone that wasnt you so much, but you wanted to see him happy.

"Ok, yeah." Jesper said, turning to you.

"(Y/N), I love you, and I'm not going to repeat everything I already said because that was nerve wracking enough the first time. But I love you, and I would really love to kiss you right now, if that's okay?" He asked.

"Wait, you were talking about me?" You ask, knowing now that he was, but you wanted the confirmation.

"Yes, but if you don't-"

You cut him off by grabbing his face and kissing him, making him freeze for a moment before kissing back.

"Wow, that was as good as I had dreamed it would be." He said, looking a little dazed, grinning from ear to ear.

"Well, darling, now you don't have to dream about me anymore." You say, pecking him on the lips one more time before getting up as Kaz opened the door.

"We're closing, so you guys can come inside now. Get up Jesper." Kaz demanded, leaving the two of you.

"Come on, the sooner we help finish clean up the sooner we can go to bed." You said grinning at Jesper as you take his hand and help him up.

"You're bed or mine?" He jokes letting you lead him through the doorway and into the club.

"Whichever one you choose, now hurry up and get to work."

[voidbellamy]

Anathema • Kaz Brekker

• NINE

A/N: this is like 2000 something word count but i think the end is worth it🤭 i did not proofread *yet?* because i’m delirious and dizzy from writing this for three (3) hours ! anyways heres some tension you might choke on

      Jesper grunted as he carried me through the Slats, "Jes, put me down. I am completely capable of walking." Jesper clicked his tongue, "No can do, love. Orders from Kaz." I groaned, "I'm not even hur-" I sucked in a tight breath as Jesper rounded a corner and knocked my ankle right against the wall. "Oh- saints, I am so sorry!"

Kaz growled, shooting Jesper a murderous look, "Jesper-" Kaz's voice was venom; a warning.

"I am fine. Honestly, it's just a small twist." Kaz was watching from across the room and Jesper must have noticed; I felt his pulse quicken in his chest. Wylan was jogging along beside us, asking for the dozenth time if I was alright. I assured him once again. Once Jesper had carried me up the first flight of stairs I slid out of his grasp, deciding to walk myself." "Ray-" Jesper watched me anxiously, but I waved him off, "I'm fine," Wylan held my elbow, worried eyes watching me. "Thank you," I stopped outside the door that wss supposed to by my room, however it had not actually been used for years. It was a decoy to keep others from getting suspicious, but I had stayed in Kaz's room for as long as I could remember. Even before, I frequently fell asleep in his office reading, while he slaved over blueprints and plans and paperwork for the Crow Club.

Jesper and Wylan watched me expectantly, my hand on the door. I lifted my eyebrows in question. "We've never actually seen your room." I crossed my arms, waiting. "Well you've been in our rooms! I'm starting to think maybe you don't sleep- or you sleep in a coffin." I snorted, "Maybe I just don't want boys in my room." I smirked, taking in their mirrored offense. "Well, I never-" Jesper gasped, putting his hand dramatically to his chest. Wylan just nodded, clearing his throat, "I- I don't blame you. Jesper is too nosey to be allowed somewhere private." Jesper's offense only grew, jaw dropping further, "I thought we were friends here! You're nearly as mean as Kaz!" His voice was playful, still holding his mock expression. I just rolled my eyes, "No one is that mean, Jes." I fished a few kruge out of my boot and held it between my fingers, "Go lose some tables for me." I clapped it into Jesper's hand and almost laughed at his expression, "I take back everything I said- you were always my favorite!" He kissed my forehead enthusiastically, hands on both sides of my face. I scrunched my nose up, getting a slight feeling of claustrophobia, before I patted him on the shoulder. "Go, go, I'd better rest this ankle..." I waited for the pair to disappear down the stairs before switching paths into Kaz's room.

I propped my foot up on a pillow, reaching for my book. Truthfully, I would not complain about a few days off, but I was not going to cooperate with sitting and doing nothing. The twist had not been bad, definitely not sprained, but it was starting to bother me. I debated taking a bath, maybe letting it soak in hot water to soothe it- but that would require getting up. I closed my eyes, relishing in the mid-day silence of the Slats. There were no Dregs around, likely all out running their daily checks, taking advantage of pigeons, or committing any form of crime. The door creaked open, rousing me out of my half-awake rest. I did not need to open my eyes to know who it was; even without the clicking of the cane, no one would be stupid enough to enter Kaz Brekker's office without knocking. "How are you feeling?"

I shifted slightly, eyeing him, "Fine, Brekker.

I've had worse..." Kaz ignored me, leaning his cane against the side of the bed. He sat down beside my legs, slowly moving his hands towards my feet. I watched him as he slowly pulled my boot off, trying not to wince too obviously as it slid off, over my ankle. "It's swollen," He ran his thumb over it gingerly, gloves rustling against my sock. I winced, cursing myself for the way it jerked away from his touch as a reflex.

Kaz stood, his expression not changing, "I'm going to draw you a bath." I opened my mouth to protest but he had already disappeared through the door to the small washroom. I sat up as the water turned on in the small room. A few moments later, Kaz had returned to my side. He was looking at me sternly, though there was worry behind his eyes. He held his hand out, gloves now removed. I stood to my feet with a wince, thankful I could still put weight on it. Definitely not broken.

Kaz stayed silent, his eyes traveling to the floor. I shifted awkwardly, shaking my arms out of my coat. I sighed, sitting back down to pull my socks off. Kaz put a hand on my wrist, eyes meeting mine. He knelt in front of me, keeping his eyes fixed on me. My breath caught in my throat and I cursed the way my pulse raced. His hands were cold, as they cautiously slid down my ankles, pulled my socks off. He watched his hands, not shaking, taking a deep breath. His eyes climbed slowly back up to meet my own, but his expression had changed. I nearly choked on my own breath at the eyes gazing back at me, dark, sparkling with the greed they held when he eyed a valuable he would soon pocket. His lips parted slightly, my heart was thumping into my head, the room suddenly much warmer than it had been moments ago. He stood to his feet again, this time pulling me up with him. I exhaled, more in surprise than pain of my ankle.

"Raven." His voice was quiet, far away.

I was positive in all the years of stitching him up and fighting beside him I had never been this close to him. I was positive I had not been this close to anyone willingly, but this was not unwelcome... It was not scary. His eyes burned into me, nearly making me want to shrink back, though my feet were rooted the spot. Kaz moved a hand cautiously to my shoulder, pulled back, froze. His lips tightened, eyes closing tightly. He took a deep breath. "May I?" I held my breath, nodding once. Panic began building, but it was not the kind I was used to, this kind did not bring the desire to run or fight.

Kaz stroked my shoulder with a knuckle; the skin under his touch forming goosebumps. I held my breath, trailing his touch with my eyes. He clenched his jaw, a war waging behind his eyes, fighting the waves of panic and nausea that were crashing against him. "Kaz." I grabbed his coat sleeve, "You can stop. I don't need you to ever-" He shook his head, expression hard, "No."

His answer startled me; I took a step back.

"Will you be here when I'm finished?" I nodded to the washroom, watching him intently. Kaz shook his head, "Don't go. Don't..." He looked down again, took a deep breath, "Please stay. Let me...." His knuckles were white against his cane, "Let me help you." "Kaz-" "Please. I want to..." I took a deep breath, eyes meeting his- searching his- to make sure he was not close to losing it. I nodded once, my head beginning to spin.

Kaz slowly loosened the belt I wore, hands beginning to shake. I held my breath, watching him, keeping check of his expression if the waters got too high. He slid a hand under the edge of my shirt, his body tensing, pausing. His hands were cold, but they were gentle, nothing like the hands that had been on me in the past. Harsh, violent, desperate. Kaz touched me as if I were made of glass- or perhaps he was. His hands were shaking, he closed his eyes tightly, "Stop," He muttered, jaw clenched. I took a step back, lifting his hands away from me, "Not you. Not..." He swore, running a hand through his hair, "I'm sorry, I-" I shook my head, "No, Kaz. You don't apologize to me. Not for this. Not ever." He looked pale, expression hardened in frustration.

    In the seven years we known each other- even with the marriage, there had been one real kiss. We were seventeen, Kaz had initiated it.

Even in the marriage, there had never been anything more, and I had never asked for anything more. Ketterdam was not a place for modesty or privacy: there had been multiple occasions where I had seen him without his clothes- along with multiple other Dregs; unfortunately. He had needed patching up, or to quickly get in costume in an alley and that went both ways. It had never been anything more, or anything less than necessity, or a job. Kaz had known my history and even thought he had not shared it with anyone, he made sure it was established that I was to have privacy. I never changed fully in front of the others, I never wore provocative clothing to distract men. It was never questioned, and the same rules had been followed for Inej. The Crows and the Dregs knew respect, though modesty was not commonly practiced as it was not always an option. Here, it was different. Today it had been different. Kaz had tried. He had fought with himself out of want, not need. I hadn't needed stitches, I hadn't needed bandaging, yet his hands had still found me. I had never once pushed, or even thought about bringing it up and I never would. But his hands had been welcome; gentle. Something I never thought I would experience. Years had gone by where I had snuck looks at him, imagining what it would be like to feel his skin against me, even if it led to nothing more than laying in his arms. And yet.... There had been something in his eyes.

   Kaz was looking at me when I finally pulled myself from my thoughts. He had sat back down on the bed, hands tightly folded in his lap.

"I want to try again."

"Kaz—" I did not want to be the reason for the waves crashing over him.

He said nothing in return, but stood to his feet again. His eyes met mine softly, hands once again coming up to my shirt, "If you need to stop or- Just tell me." I squeezed his hands, "You too." His knuckles grazed my skin as he slid my shirt up, over my head, over my lifted arms. He froze, breath catching in both our throats. I held my breath, keeping my eyes on his, which were no longer on my eyes. His face was stone, expression unreadable, looking over me as if he were studying a painting. He said nothing, and I fought the voices that were telling me I was on display. Gently, he lowered his lips to my shoulder, placing a soft, barely there kiss against my skin. "You are exquisite."  Kaz let his nose rest against my shoulder, closing his eyes. For the first time since Kaz stepped foot inside, I took a full breath. I let my eyes close, taking him in. The familiar presence of him. The way he smelled like leather, fresh paper and the sea with a hint of smoke.

    A knock on the door made us both jump and he swore. "Not right now." His voice came out much rougher than he probably meant it, but regardless, it was not helpful to me in the current situation. "It's important, Boss." I could not recognize the voice but at the moment I hated whoever it belonged to. I snatched my shirt back up, kicked my boots and socks under the bed, grabbed my book and closed the door to the washroom, nearly smirking at the expression I had left on Kaz's face. I heard the door to Kaz's room lock as he stepped into his office, likely not about to greet his interruption with a very pleasant tone.