#up next: great white Jeremy

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Wips and sketches from the insta live this morning 💕 sharkdrew and pirate Neil, fisherman Andrew, and possible design squid Jean

[are-you-still-writing-that]

Yandere Alphabet: Ren Hana

I just love that dude, mkay! He has me heart and soul! This is specifically BtD2 Ren, so yeah. Favourite route of that game! This got quite long, it´s around 6k because I thought I would try something else for this, and I´m actually quite happy how it turned out! Hilariously enough I started to write this, around January 2023 and just finished it (April 2024).

I´ll hope you will like it too, because it was already one of my favourite things to reread every once in a while! Have fun!

Ren Hana

He is insane. He hates you. He loves you. He lives only for you. He would kill you in a heartbeat. Full of contradictions he tends to be a rather mercurial character. You are the first one to know that. Did you maybe, just like me, hunt down every last line of dialogue, every last image in his route. He hides away from sight, and only catches you when he is sure, that he will be able to.

„Let´s be perfectly clear, shall we. The fox is not a little orange puppy dog with doe eyes and a waggly tail. It´s a disease-ridden wolf with the morals of a psychopath and the teeth of a great white shark.“ ~ Jeremy Clarkson

For he was truly raised, tortured and formed by a psychopath. By a sadist without any morals. And on you, this little fox will discover his sharp claws and great teeth once more.

„Beware the fox that makes the ravens fly“

Run little one, run. For you will be his prey.

Affection: How do they show their love and affection? How intense would it get?

When Ren gets it into his head to shower you with affection, it can get quite uncomfortable rather quickly, as he tends to ignore any personal boundaries you ever tried to communicate. He is intense in the way his eyes track you, and in those moments you wonder how you could ever miss the way. that he is a clear predator. And in the next moment he pounces on you with a sweet giggle to simply share his warmth with you. Sometimes when you´re eating, his body is pressed close to yours, with no way left for you, so that you could escape from him. He will hold food up to your mouth, expecting you to take it. His eyes just daring you to refuse him, and with the way his other hand plays with something in his pocket, the threat is clear. Other days he will hand you something, and only give you a small moment to appreciate his gift, before he will pounce on you, nearly bowling you ever, and only his hands behind your head saving you from a concussion, as he demands his reward. Cuddling you on the floor, as he lowly purrs into your ear, his tail wrapping around your waist.

Blood: How messy are they willing to get when it comes to their darling?

On some days you will come to the painful realization, that Ren is more animal, than human. Those are definitely the days, he comes back home with blood still splattered all over his face, and the sound of something being dragged in behind him. It´s those days, when he calls for you to come with a playful uncanny trill in his voice, that makes listening to it so unpleasant. It´s those days, when he rips the still bleeding, still warm corpse apart in front of you. Sometimes off-handedly offering you a piece of flesh he just tore out of what had been a living breathing person moments before. On other days you will realize, that while he is clearly brutal, he holds you dear. At least, it´s what you need to believe, when he violently goes for the throat of that guy who tried to touch you when you refused, and then thought you would be more agreeable when he shakes you around. It´s what you whisper in the sudden quiet in your mind, when Ren comes to you. Blood dripping of his fangs and claws, and tenderly holds onto your bruised wrist. He is cooing at you, and the rapidly cooling body behind him, stares at you with unseeing eyes. You try to desperately believe what you tell yourself, as Ren carefully leads you away, humming slightly to calm you back down. It´s what you need to do, because you thought you saw accusations swimming in those dead eyes.

Cruelty: How would they treat their darling once abducted? Would they mock them?

Ren does crave your love and your companionship more than anything else. So, in order to achieve that, he will try to be kind to you, after all that could help him earn what he wants. Right? He will be kind and accommodating, and his reward will be you. Though, when he realizes, that you still reject him, he won´t hesitate to be cruel to you in return. If you´re throwing everything, that he gave you simply away, well then he doesn´t need to give it to you in the first place. In the end your companionship can simply be achieved through obedience as well, no? When it comes down to it, he will mirror you. Throw back at you what you show him first. If you are kind, he will be as well. If you are cruel, he will be cruel. An almost perfect mirror, that will throw your own attitude back at you, but so much more dangerous than you could ever be.

Darling: Aside from abduction, would they do anything against their darling’s will?

Ren will force his need of skinship onto you, if you want to or not. The one time, that you struggled as if trying to free yourself, you stopped out of self-preservation when his grip grew tighter and tighter, making it hard to breathe for you. Sometimes he will come to you, to simply hold your face, gently tracing it´s shape, his claws nothing but a whisper on your skin. These are the things you could tolerate. The ones you can´t are when he shushes you, more growl than calming purr, when he pulls you down the stairs towards the basement. The smell of blood, already coming over you, and you already know what will await you. You don´t kick or scream, only sob quietly, hoping that you will not make him angry. His next shush comes with him, wiping away your tears. But you shiver in fright and disgust, when you see how he licks his hand clean afterwards. Chasing the taste of your tears on his fingers. Though, this is still the lesser evil, than the dead man walking, that will await you down there.

Exposed: How much of their heart do they bare to their darling? How vulnerable are they when it comes to their darling?

It would annoy you how much he talks with you, if he wasn´t the only one breaking the silence. And as long as he is chatty, he isn´t brooding either. He will talk about the most inconsequential things, throwing in stuff every once in a while that is so heartfelt, that it becomes jarring to you. You would hate how open he is with you, as if you aren´t a prisoner of his. You would maybe even react, if you didn´t knew, that he is still trying to gauge how much he can trust you with. And every time, he decides to trust you, you have to believe that this is a good thing. For your own sanity. Though you hate one specific time with a burning passion. It´s when he pulls you towards the couch, and pushes you into the pillows he already laid out. When he then stands up, to push a self-titeled disk, the ink already worn away in places, into the player. When he comes back to cuddle you, as you watch with horror living in your ribcage, how a man you never saw, but instinctively put at fault for your situation, ripping into another being with glee. When he whispers softly, about those day, when the body in the cooler, was still a man, and of all the things he did, as Ren watches you. When you wish he would just shut it all of, and he would be the only thing again, that is breaking the silence.

Fight: How would they feel if their darling fought back?

The moment you try to use force against him, is also the moment you already lost. There is nothing left of the boy you knew, as the gentle cooing that haunts you in your nightmares, turns into a vicious growl, that is more fitting to belong there. You hit the ground hard, and your vision swims for a moment, till the growling suddenly become muffled. It takes a moment to pull yourself back to consciousness, and for you notice the claws sinking deeper into your shoulders, and the sharp pain, that comes from your neck, which gets so much worse, when Ren pulls back again. Blood dripping from his mouth onto your face, he gnashes his teeth at you. You don´t even scream, still numb from it all, when he pulls you down those dreaded stairs, to a place you never wish to set foot in, and yet visit time and time again. You know he will show how „kind“ he has been the whole time. He will hurt you like in those movies. But the only thing going through your mind, is the image of the pleasure he seemed to feel, when he licked your blood from his lips. Then you remember the heartless corpse downstairs. You scream.

Game: Is this a game to them? How much would they enjoy watching their darling try to escape?

Ren bristles when you ask him that. He can feel how his tail bushes up, and curls around you without him consciously willing it to happen. His teeth gnash together, as he squints at you. He only stops the growl that already started up somewhere deep in his chest, when he sees you flinch away from him. He huffs instead at you, and lets himself fall relaxed back onto you. He waits patiently for you to go back to carding your fingers through his hair as you had done, before asking this, quite frankly, offensive and stupid question, before he starts purring again. He doesn´t know who he is trying to calm down at this point. He wonders, if he has forgotten to show you how much he loves and adores you. His sweet, precious thing, that stays with him, that listens to him. You, who keeps that damn ghost, that still haunts him every day away. He wonders if he should tell you, that he wants you to stay with him for forever and ever and ever. Though, that might frighten you. So he simply nuzzles you, as he purrs softly, ignoring how you flinch away from him with practice.

Hell: What would be their darling’s worst experience with them?

You were careful. And o how careful you had to be, to not accidentally set him off. But you wanted him so badly to realize, that this was not how a relationship worked. He had mentioned time and time again, and yet you couldn´t quite believe it. And when you asked – gentle, careful, don´t anger him – he had looked at you funny, before grinning. A sly smirk, that reminded you rather suddenly, that you weren´t talking to a human. As if the ears and tails hadn´t clued you in. Though, this didn´t feel like the grin of a fox, more like a hungry wolf, as he contemplated out loud, that he was behaving rather strangely, at least to his kinds standards. After all, he was being patient and accommodating to your own behaviour till now, though, he could change if you wanted to. You shook your head, and instead thanked him. You knew he hadn´t lied.

Ideals: What kind of future do they have in mind for/with their darling?

He whispers his vision to you in the death of the night. His quiet voice, soothing were it only makes you so afraid. He paints a picture, that makes him sink deeper into the cushions, makes him feel safe and content, while you can do nothing but watch in horror. If you were just a bit more like him, you would be sure, that your hair would be standing upright with the terror chasing down your spine. Though, what he describes isn´t so far off, what he already has with you. Have you grown this complacent, to simply give in to his every wish? He wants to lay down with you, in the sun spots inside the house, side by side, curled around each other. And your hand just burrows deeper in his hair, careful to only scratch and not pull. His vision, is already your reality.

Jealousy: Do they get jealous? Do they lash out or find a way to cope?

He knows that there is nothing for him to get jealous over. Where would you go? Who would you be able to turn to? If you ran, would you ever be able to run far enough? Or would he catch up to you before you knew it? He knows the answer to these questions. And they will never worry him, as much as you seem to worry about them. He knew he won. It´s once more proven to him, when he finds you kneeling by the door. Tears running down your face, spit slowly dabbling from your chin. Now and then a small jerk going through your body. Your eyes look vacant, as he walks past and opens the door for you. His victory only becomes more certain, when you turn away from the light, the breeze, with an anguished cry. What does he need to be jealous of?

Kisses: How do they act around or with their darling?

His behaviour tends to closely mirror your own. He doesn´t seem to be aware of it most of time. At other points, it seems more than intentional. He repeats phrases, that you have said. His speech patterns begin to more closely resemble your own, the more time you spent with each other. Or do yours resemble his? It seems, that the two of you bleed more and more into the other, as time passed. Over time though, while you grew more and more subdued. He became louder. Where you grew into something, that cowers away. He became something, that would be impossible to miss. He mirrors you, but he plays into every extreme there is. Your melancholy becomes something loud and heart wrenching. Your happiness wraps into demented glee and shrieks of joy. Your gentle affection on his face turns into a punishing grip. Ren clings to you. He knows, that he is adapting to your personality, though where this might frighten you, it only brings him joy. He always knew, that you were the perfect fit for him. His perfect other half, and now he only got to prove it. He won´t let you go. Oh no. He never will. And why should he? With all the work he put in, to be your counterpart? He will cling to you till the end of time.

Love letters: How would they go about courting or approaching their darling?

You were bored, when he approached you. His soft voice nearly scared you half to death, when he started to talk to you. You hadn´t even heard him coming close. There was a sharp wit lacing his every word, as he waved your anxiousness away with a quiet humour twisting around his mouth. You and him talked nearly for the whole night. You were no longer bored. Drink after drink gets shared between the two of you, as dawn slowly comes around. You don´t even notice, when they start to taste funny. Maybe you simply drank too much? Your sudden tiredness is blamed on the late hour, and even when it feels like you can´t keep your eyes open any more and his smile is so full of sharp teeth. Maybe your fear was reasonable. Maybe you should have listened to that first instinctual response of absolute terror, when you noticed at first. These thoughts run slowly and languid through your mind, as he hoists you up over his shoulder, and simply walks out. No one stops him.

Mask: Are their true colours drastically different from the way they act around everyone else?

There is a quiet confidence, you observe, that seems to find him in the strangest moments. His mood is quick to change. Laughter can turn into angry screams, faster than you can keep up with it most of the time. It´s no secret to you, that Ren is unstable. It´s also pretty obvious to you, that he is aware of that fact as well. Whenever he actually decides to take you outside, Good behaviour need to be rewarded dear, he has to concentrate. He can´t be too domineering over you, and so he falls back into patterns, that make him seem shy and unassuming. He knows, where those habits formed, and while he wouldn´t thank Strade for them, he still finds them useful for this. He knew what a charmer Strade was, just as he is now as well. A good trait to have, if one is like him. So he puts on the mask, that helps him to navigate the outside easily. Voice timid and shy. Never taking up more space, than he needs to. He basically vanishes into the background. It´s easy for him to watch every little move that you make. After all, you also tend to forget that he is here, whenever he gets like this.

Naughty: How would they punish their darling?

You don´t even know why he suddenly slams into you. Tearing you down to the ground with him. He is hovering above you, lips pulled back into a cruel snarl. Teeth gnashing and spit slowly dripping from the corners of his mouth. Right now he resembles more than ever, the violent and feral animal, that he always pretends not to be. There is the clinking of chains, as your breath only comes shortly. His teeth violently snap shut just inches from your face. When he speaks, a melodious hum, you can barely understand him, but the little you do frightens you. It freezes the blood in your veins, as you try to shake your head at him. Tears are already rolling down your face. He pats your face, then your head. His grip on the chain wrapped like a collar around your throat not loosening. He chuckles out But what a pretty star you would make. It would surely be my new favourite film. You can only cry harder, as you think of the man in cellar. You try to plead and beg with him, as he yanks you down the stairs. Your limbs kicking out in every direction, as you pull at the chain and try to stop him. The wooden steps bruise your back, and his laugh rings in your ears. When you swipe at him accidentally instead of the chain, his laughter stops. He doesn´t pay your terrified shrieking any mind, as he fished a little button from his pants pocket and presses down. You don´t really move, when he pulls at the leash again. Drool and spit slowly dribbling from your mouth, as fine tremors run through your body. You don´t even know what brought this on.

Oppression: How many rights would they take away from their darling?

You wake up with a groan. You definitely drank too much last night. Your head pounds, and every little movement you make makes you wince. When you finally open your eyes, you don´t recognize the room. Carefully lifting the blanket you realize that you are only half-dressed. You can´t even remember how you got here. It takes you stumbling around the room, ripping open the curtains and seeing your reflection in the barred up windows to realize that there is something on your neck. It´s bulky and heavy, and no matter how much you fiddle with it, you can´t get it off. When the door suddenly opens, you nearly scream. The boy, red hair and kind of small, seems vaguely familiar to you, lets out a surprised yelp. His smile seems kind, but when he notices you still fiddling with the collar, his expression grows dark. It´s a low Stop that! that gives you a momentarily pause, before you ignore it. The next thing you know is pain. The boy holding a remote, as he comes to a stop standing over you. He crouches down next to you, a small smile playing around his lips, as he watches you drool and shake. There is a worried crease between his eyebrow, that you can´t help but feel like it´s fake. He pats your head, with a smile, as he licks his too sharp teeth. O this is gonna be fun. I love you so much my dear!

Patience: How patient are they with their darling?

You looked at his hand, as if he would bite it off, when you took it. Come here, he crooned, curling his fingers in slowly. His patience was slowly running thin. You couldn´t see it from your position, but he had started to fiddle with the remote of your shock collar. He was contemplating to just shock you into complying with his simple request, but something about the way you looked at him – shaking, scared – stopped him. His patience was rewarded when you finally reached out for him, curling your fingers around his as he helped you up from the floor. He nuzzled close into your neck, and patted your hair. Good job, darling! So good for me~, he couldn´t help a little moan slipping out with the words. He led the way to the basement door, and opened it. Walking down the steps first, he sighed as he heard how your footsteps had stopped. With just one glance over his shoulder, he knew that this time you wouldn´t come that easy. It wasn´t fear and hesitance – both very under stable to him – that stopped you this time, but stubbornness. Without even hesitating, he pressed the button on his remote. Keeping it pushed down, only giving you short breaks to let you catch your breath, he grapped you by your shirt to drag your convulsing body down the stairs with him. Dropping you down at the pole, he leaned in close If I want something, you do it!, with that he tapped you on the nose, before standing up again.

Quit: If their darling dies, leaves, or successfully escapes, would they ever be able to move on?

You better hope and pray, that something else will kill you before he gets his hands on you. He stares down at the broken collar, then at his open front door. The laughter, that escapes him at this moment is strained. With a deep breath, he already knows where you went, and moves to follow you. The hunt is on. It was hard to get him to this point in your conversation, but maybe you actually got through to him. He looks at you with wet and wide eyes, before he suddenly sobs. Collapsing into your open arms, he burrows close to you. You try not to flinch, as his hands suddenly snake around your throat, but the click you hear, stuns you. We will meet each other again, right? Do this the right way again?, he asks as he gently puts the collar to the side. You can´t help yourself but to whisper a Of course! against his twitching ears. Blood covers his hands, his chest. He can feel how it already started to dry on his face, flaking off. This wasn´t supposed to happen. He didn´t intend to do this! Carefully, he pushed his hands beneath your body, to lift you up. He stumbles down the steps to the basement. It´s a bit of a fumble to get the lid open, but he finally manages it, as he lays you next to Strade. Huh. That looks almost cute. Flexing his claws, he tears open your chest cavity, and rips out your heart. As he bites into it, he gently closes your eyes, only to slide down to the floor and lean his back against the freezer. He starts to talk to you both. When he is finished, he will close the lid, and maybe watch a movie. Doesn´t he have something with you in it?

Regret: Would they ever feel guilty about abducting their darling? Would they ever let their darling go?

It´s with a spring in his step, that he carries you out of the bar. He waves off the concerns of the other patrons, whispering instead in approachable manner Drank a bit too much, you know how it can be. The rancorous laughter than follows tells him, he hit the right tone. He has to adjust you once or twice, hefting you higher up on his shoulder. The same lie becomes easier for him to tell over time. Such a good boy, one older lady comments, and he can´t help but giggle to himself. His hands only start to shake with adrenaline, after he deposited you on the bed, he had prepared for a guest. He fumbles with the collar, that he became very familiar with under Strade, before he gently clicks it around your neck. Carefully he adjusts, so that it won´t be uncomfortable for you to wear. It is with a smile, that he removes your shoes and jacket. He wonders if he should remove your jeans as well, before deciding that they must be terrible to sleep in. He hums lightly as he unbuttons them. His hands hovering over your body. Still asleep, the drugs he had put in your drink, still doing their job. He smiles, as he pulls the blanket over you. Shuts the curtain of the barred up window, and with a smile as he looks back at you, closes the door. It would have been nice, if you would have come to him, but this is perfect as well. He is giddy, as he runs down to the basement, to tell Strade about what happened today.

Stigma: What brought about this side of them (childhood, curiosity, etc)?

He suppressed the instinctual snarl, the gnashing of his teeth, as another stranger bumped into him. Instead, he forced his lips into a kind smile. Holding tightly onto the mask, that let him seem like any other person in this bar. His skin was itching for blood and it had become such an overwhelming need to him, that he couldn´t tell any more if it was his instinct or his experience urging him to get blood to flow. He let his eyes sweep over the bar, when something suddenly drew all his attention. Your were just sitting there, looking at your drink as if it held all the answers to this world. Flinching away from every stranger, that would press themselves to close past you. A look of disgust openly on your face, when some would come to touch you in the process. It was almost cute to watch. Ren could feel his tail slowly swaying behind him, this could be a chance for him to pretend to be normal. After all, it looked like you wouldn´t even be able to tell the difference anyway. Something in him was still screaming for blood. It felt like a physical ache in his fangs and claws, and his ears twitched to take in every little sound you made, as he slowly stalked towards you. But there was something else as well. A ghost of someone – long dead, his heart gone – urging him forward with a gentle smile to reel you in. It wanted to see you cry. He shivered in delight as he imagined for a moment, what you would look like on your knees, face bloody and bruised, tears still streaking down your face, and mixing with your spit, as it dribbled down you chin and onto his old collar and your eyes wide as you looked only at him. He knew this would be fun, when he saw you flinch, when he greeted you.

Tears: How do they feel about seeing their darling scream, cry, and/or isolate themselves?

His ears perked further up, when he heard a faint sobbing coming from your room. For a moment he wondered, if he should lock the knife away, before shutting the stove off, and simply leaving it on the cutting board. Wiping his hands on a towel, he made his way to you. Gently knocking on the door frame, he announced his presence to you, as he had already made his way halfway into the room. He ignored your muffled Go away!, and sat down next to you on the bed. There, there he hushed you, as his claws gently carded through your hair. He busied himself with pulling some of the knots out, and pulling the matted parts gently apart, completely ignoring your wince or how you tried to pull away from him. When he deemed you decently groomed – as he would sometimes term it with a laugh on his face – he dropped down onto your bed next to you. Pulling you to lay on his chest, he hugged you close. He was still petting you, as he slowly dozed off. Dinner could wait for a bit longer.

Unique: Would they do anything different from the classic yandere?

There is doubt in his heart, whenever he sees you cry. He is sure that you are his, in every shape and form that matters, but to see you cry breaks his heart every time. Maybe it would be better, when the two of you would part ways. Maybe it would be better of he could simply watch you from far away, instead if staying constantly by your side. Or maybe he should just make sure, that you stay forever with him. Heart by heart. No matter how bloody it would be. You recognize easily, that while Ren tends to be a bit overbearing, he never seems to touch you longer than he needs to. You caught him countless times staring at your mouth, only to laugh and blush when he realizes that you noticed it. His hands only ever seem to land on skin that is covered by clothing, or at least his touch never seems to demand more. It´s strange you think, idly watching how he is staring at you again slowly licking his lips, how he never acts on his desires. Almost as if he doubts himself.

Vice: What weakness can their darling exploit in order to escape?

It´s when he gently kisses your forehead, as he tucks you in for the night, that you finally realize something. For all his bluster, for all the pain he causes you, he also always turns rather quickly back into a facsimile of kindness. He amps it up for you, when ever it seems that you´re playing into his delusions. You might loose yourself in them, but you have nothing else to loose any more. So you try it. And suddenly it seems that this vicious fox is at your every beg and call. You don´t ask about the basement or the screams and he never threatens to take you down there any more. You compliment his cooking and suddenly food seems something you never seem to lack. You never step into hall for the door outside, and he wants to take you on a thousand walks. You even stop fiddling with your collar and with time forget that it´s still active. He will give you everything that he can. You shall lack nothing, not even your freedom. He is of service to you. Especially now, that he can have this soft life with you, that he had always dreamt of.

Wit’s end: Would they ever hurt their darling?

Sometimes Ren watches you with such a cold calculating look in his eyes, that you can´t help but shiver. You know, that in those moments he is debating with himself. His grin sharpening, while he flexes his claws. As if he can´t quite decide if he should rip your throat out with his fangs or his claws. As if it would matter in the end. Your blood would be on his hands either way. In the end, he will relax again. He knows, just as well as you do, that there will come another opportunity for him to let go of his pent up aggression. Another misstep of you, which allows him to have a go at you, without feeling all guilty about it afterwards. You overstepping the bounds, he always lays so carefully out for you. And if you fight back, he might even get a taste of that precious blood of yours.

Xoanon: How much would they revere or worship their darling? To what length would they go to win their darling over?

He loves, loves, loves you! From the moment, he first saw you, when you so trustingly, so full of blind faith, drunk the glass he gave to you, he knew it. He knew you would be perfect for him. He wants you to be there, by his side, for the rest of your lives, and he swears to himself, that he will do whatever it takes to make sure, that he can ensure, that your paths will not lead apart. He wants you to be there so badly, that he reassures himself, that the end will surely justify the means. Though, he will still very much react to the way you treat him. He will pull get you the moon if you so much as wish for it, but he also wants to make you aware, that all of this doesn´t come for free. He wants his love to be reciprocated by you, and he makes it abundantly clear to you as well. Otherwise, he won´t mind training you like a wild animal to simply love him. Hey, if it works, it works, right?

Yearn: How long do they pine after their darling before they snap?

He had already talked with you for so long, and know he was nearly shaking with excitement. The bar was quiet, nearly deserted as was the usual for The Jackalope, and he knew nobody would watch him too closely here. He waited with bathed breath for you to finally arrive, as he had finally managed to weasel the promise of a real meeting from you. The bottle of Rohypnol in his back pocket, that he tucked away, when leaving already told him how this night would go. Tonight, he would make sure, that he wouldn´t be alone any more, that the ghost would hopefully stop hounding his every step, as another person would fill this empty house once more. He just has to be patient, just has to be careful. Buy a drink, crush one or two, and then bring it back, with an innocent smile. He could do this. His eyes snapped upwards, as an angel walked in, and a sly smirk, quickly a gentle smile curved his lips, as he stood up and waved towards you. He would do this.

Zenith: Would they ever break their darling?

Ren will, if all else fails, scare you into compliance. He will hold out for as long as he can for a relationship for the two of you, like the ones in his stories. But if it all falls through, he will be satisfied with Stockholm syndrome setting in one day. And while he stills hope for that, showing kindness to you whenever he can without undermining himself, he shudders at the other options. Sometimes, not that he would ever tell you of it, he thinks about how he could break you apart. Though, he will think of what might follow in the end. He realizes rather quickly, that he would never want to see you break. He saw it too often. How only a shell it left, a hollow puppet that doesn´t respond any more. When he looks at you, he can never imagine being satisfied like that, and so he nourishes his hope, and makes kindness is weapon. He will get what he want, without breaking you. He just has to be a bit more patient.

[fictionalmenmakemecry]

Golden Globes

Characters: Jeremy Allen White x Reader

Summary: A quick blur on what it would be like to be by Jeremy's side at the golden globes.

Warnings: Cursing, anxiety.

"I can't go"

You exhaled tiredly plopping down on his couch.

"It'll be okay, I want you by my side. Everything will be great and it might even be fun." Jeremy sat next to you, resting his hand on your thigh.

You glanced over at him and then closed your eyes leaning your head back. The knots you felt in your stomach were nauseating.

"Look, I know how daunting it is but it's a big night for me and it would mean a lot if you were there" He sighed, looking down at his hand on your leg.

There was silence between both of you.

You drove past The Hilton where you saw them setting up for the golden globes. You and Jeremy have been dating on the down low for the past 6 months. It was hard with always leaving at odd hours of the night in different disguises. You would enter and leave places separately. But as difficult as it was, you both had the privacy to spend time with each other without the pressure of the press or public.

You were a high school teacher. You weren't used to this environment. Hell, he was barely used to it as this point. He understood how you felt and didn't want to make you feel trapped. But this was a big night for him, and he needed you there. He wasn't completely comfortable himself as this was still not normal for him, but having you there would steady him.

"But everything will change" You spoke out quietly.

Jeremy took a deep breath. He glanced at you and saw the anxiety in your body. Your shoulders were bunched up, and your hands were in tight bundles.

You rolled your head over to him and looked at his blue eyes that were searching your face.

"I know... But wouldn't you prefer that they find out our way than we getting caught some night and it being all over the internet?" He asked with his head leaning on his arm on the back of the couch.

Your mind flickered back to so many close times of getting caught. When ducking when driving around or always looking around to see if you could sneak a quick kiss. The only time you felt truly at peace was in bed with him. His body was close to yours. No risk of anyone seeing you. Whether being in his embrace in the intimate moments you shared or watching your favorite movies sharing food. You were afraid of never feeling that peace again.

His hands were caressing you gently. His fingers brushed your hair and grazed down your cheek. His fingertip outlining your lips. His touch did make you calm down a little but the anxiety was still there.

"They're going to destroy me," you whispered, keeping your eyes on his.

You knew that people were going to speak about you being a teacher and not being good enough for him.

"Fuck 'em" He whispered, gently stroking your cheek.

"You just focus on us."

There you sat in complete awe, looking at your boyfriend accepting a golden globe. You looked around and saw all eyes were on him. You felt so proud after seeing how hard he worked in this short time you've known him, you knew he deserved it.

"...... I'm completely overwhelmed with this. Uhh-" He glanced at the award in his hand.

"I just want to say thank you to everyone I've worked with on The Bear, you made this happen for me and I'm forever grateful...." He looked around and finally his eyes landed on you.

"Uh-and finally.. thank you sweetheart for coming with me tonight and always being by my side" He raised his golden globe before giving a light wave and making his way off stage.

You could feel everyone's stare on you and you cheeks were on fire. You couldn't believe that he acknowledge you on live television in front of millions. You just wanted to be there for him but he was clearly making sure that people knew you were with him tonight.

You watched as he made his way back as other nominees were getting called out for another category. He came over and sat beside leaning over and giving you a light reassuring kiss.

"I can't believe you got it babe" You whispered looking at the award on the table between both of you.

"Me neither." He smiled genuinely, looking you up and down while wrapping his arm around your waist of your backless dress.

You gave him a light slap on the chest for making your blush even more if that was possible.

Masterlist of other fics

[dottydoesstuff]

The Killing Moon (steve harrington x reader)

based off the song The Killing Moon by Echo and the Bunnymen

can be read as a part two to this fic or on its own

warnings: Unrequited (????) love, hurt no comfort, angst, kissing, alcohol, parties, swearing and a guy that smells like cabbage (lmk if i missed any) no use of Y/N, reader is described to be wearing a dress but no other description other then that

1.1K words <3

Steve Harrington is a stupid, stupid man. He knew that, really, he did. It was being proven to him time and time again, his own stupidity and poor decisions were being thrown back in his face. His poorest decision to date was not confessing his perennial love for you before you found someone else. It's not like he didn't have a chance to tell you, you're his best friend, you see each other everyday without fail. He'd had an infinite amount of chances but ultimately was too much of a wuss to do anything. 

Steve sighed as he grabbed another drink from the makeshift bar that had been set up on Tina's kitchen table and started shoving through the crowds of people to find somewhere quiet to wallow in self pity. The banging music and general cheerful mood of the party was getting too much for him. Unfortunately fate was not on his side, it rarely was. Karma for being such a dick in highschool he supposed as he heard a laugh. A laugh he has heard a thousand times before. A laugh that haunts him. Your laugh. 

You were here. With him. 

You hadn't seen Steve, not when He was distracting your every sense. You looked….. Ethereal. Too good for this world, far too good for Steve and definitely too good for that guy. Steve didn't even know what you saw in him, you had told Steve about him, raving about how great he was and how you were sure that they'd get along. His name was  James or Jake, maybe josh? Steve couldn't remember, it's Jeremy’s own fault really, he should get a better name. Steve watched as Jack-Josh-Jake’s half smirk bewitched you and his hands wandered to the hem of your dress. Steve stood staring, never occurring to him that he probably looked rather creepy, as he cursed whatever higher power there was for letting that smug bastard be born. He just couldn't understand, this guy was barely 6’, had god awful hair and vaguely smelt like cabbage. What was the attraction? 

After around two minutes of Steve trying to explode Jason (?) with his mind he spotted the door to the back garden and started to make his way over there whilst vowing to brush up on his telekinesis skills so he could throw that guy through a wall or something. 

He sat on a lonely bench on the porch facing the garden, watching the moon as it cast dancing shadows, holding his drink with white knuckles and trying not to let his thoughts linger where they shouldn't. 

“Hey stranger”

The sound of your voice made him jump which made you giggle slightly. He would make a fool of himself again and again if it meant that he could hear that noise every time. 

“What you doin’ sitting out here all by yourself hmm ?” 

you said as you sat down next to him, close enough that he could smell the liquor on your breath and the heat radiating off you. 

“Oh nothin’ just .. chillin’” 

Steve grimaced at his response 

“Well can I just chill with you? ” 

You chuckle while nudging his shoulder slightly.

Steve looked you in the eyes for the first time that night and gave a small nod. He didn't trust himself not to say something absolutely insane like how he was so in love with you that the smell of your perfume was more intoxicating than the beer he had been half heartedly sipping on or that the feeling of your arm against him was occupying so many of his thoughts that he probably couldn't even tell you where he was right now or how-

“Stevie, can I ask you something ?” 

Stevie, oh god you could ask him for his arm and he would saw it off and present it to you without hesitation. 

“Yeah whats- whats up ?” 

“I don't know, it's probably stupid, I'm just worried about you, y’know? you've been acting… different?”

“You're worried about me?”

“Steve, I’m always worried about you” 

Steve couldn't fight off the grin that erupted on his face. His entire body felt hot at your confession. He was pathetic. 

“Why are you smiling Steve, I'm serious, is something going on?”

It was his chance, probably his last one. He was going to do it, tell you he loved you and wanted to date you and have children and get married, well probably not all that, he might come off a bit intense. You sat looking at him expectantly as he turned to face you. The words died on his tongue as he realised how close together the two of you were. 

“I-” Steve started “ I just wanted to tell you-” he couldn't finish the sentence.

“Tell me what, steve ple-” 

He cut you off as he cupped your cheek and kissed you.

A surprised sound left your mouth before you slowly close your eyes and sunk into his lips.

Your kiss was cruel, cruel as he knew he would spend the rest of his life trying to find some semblance of it and would fail to. Cruel in the way your lips fit so perfectly with his, flawlessly moulding together and cruel in the way that he knew that there was no coming back from this. He was absolutely fucked. He was kissing his best friend, his best friend who was the one person he could not lose, his best friend who belonged to someone else. 

Maybe it was fate ,he thought, maybe he was meant to be sat out here and you were meant to find him and this was meant to happen, or maybe it was the sheer might of human will and his lack of self control or maybe it was cheap beer and hormones. Whatever it was he was glad of it. 

Slowly, you pull away, your forehead resting against his, eyes closed and expression unreadable. 

Steve had never felt so content, he was in such a state of bliss that it was a rather rude awakening then the patio door banged open shattering the delicate bubble that surrounded you both. 

You jumped up at the noise, whipping around toward the door. 

“babe, i've been lookin’ for you” 

His speech was slurred as he sauntered towards you. Steve thought Jackson’s face had never looked so punchable.

You walked towards the unwelcome intruder and grabbed his arm, giving him a small smile as you dragged him back inside, not sparing Steve a glance. 

Steve felt his heart crack and dread fill his stomach. This was it, you would never speak to him again, he would become a drunken mistake, a mere annotation in your story. His own thoughts devastated him as he looked back up at the sky, the blue moon looking back down at him. The only thing that comforted him now was the knowledge that he was yours, unabashedly and perpetually, his heart lay with you and it was yours to keep. Steve just hoped you would be a little more careful with it from now on.

[aledethanlast]

Jeremy shows up to practice fifteen minutes early and finds Jean in the team lounge. "This is for you," he says.

Jean expects those words, like all the other times he's heard them, to be accompanied with a bright smile and flowers, or chocolate, or a plate of whipped cream to the face—don't worry, revenge was had—but instead finds himself staring at...a note.

White flash card, folded twice, one corner bent back down halfway for no good reason at all, and the memories hit Jean like a racquetto the head. How many of those noted had he been given? Shoved into hands without stopping to look and passed on just as quickly.

Jean is a man of instincts. Reflexes. Ingrained responses so deep the brain need not bother, for the body already knows.

And this note is a cue his body knows too well. One, take the note before anyone can think to come near it. Two, shove it into his pocket before anyone can see. Three, storm down the hall to tell Kevin that he is NOT waiting for 45 minutes again while he agonizes over a two fucking sentence response, and—

The door opens again, San Diego sunlight blinding him as two more teammates come in, and Jean remembers Kevin isn't here. Which means. Which means.

He unfolds the paper too quickly—it would've torn if it had been thinner, but the thick flash card just gets stuck. Typical. Holy shit, typical.

Thea's handwriting is the same precise script as ever (except the lowercase g's for some reason). The letters are smaller than the guidelines, like she didn't know how much space she needed to write everything she wanted to say.

Hi Jean. Kevin says you're doing well. Or rather, Kevin says that Jeremy says. Not that I think Jeremy would lie, but there's only one messenger I've every really trusted, and that's you. I'll be in SD sometime next week. Give me a call.

A phone number is scrawled beneath. No signature. Overall, it takes just over half the card; either she miscalculated or she had more to say but instead chose self censure. Both options are unlike her.

The myriad pieces of Jean's mind read the note, over and over, all slightly out of synch from one another so rather than comprehension he only gets nose.

"Jean?" Jeremy's had on his shoulder, concerned. Jeans hand jerks upwards, sharply, and then he brings it back down as he turns to face Jeremy, pretending he hadn't been this close to stuffing the note in his mouth. "You good, man?"

Good question. Great, even. Jean has a better one. "Who gave you the note?"

Jeremy frowns even harder. It doesn't suit him, brow furrowed like that when he isn't trying to run through a backliner like they're made of tissue paper. "Coach Rhemann came back from Texas this morning, told me Muldani gave it to him. With very specific instructions not to open it. I met Coach, he gave it to me."

Of course. Thea doesn't ask for things; it's the first piece of advice she ever gave him. If you want, and you can, then do it. Forget who might stand in your way; they can only try, same as you.

"Jean?" Jeremy asks again. "What did the note say?"

Thea wanted to pass a message to Jean without Jeremy in the way. Well, maybe fuck what Thea wants. Jean hands him the note. Jeremy skims it, raises a brow. "What does she mean, that she only trusts you?"

His concern, born of meeting Jean back at Abby Winfield's house and fed by the steady trickle of Jean's stories of the Nest, seems momentarily absurd. "The Ravens weren't allowed to date," Jean says simply, as he had many times before. When Jeremy seems to catch on, he nods at the note. "I was their favorite messenger. Well. I was the only one who wouldn't sell them out."

"Why didn't you?"

Because Kevin was his friend. Because Thea deserved better than anything the Nest could ope to give her, much less dare to deny. Because every breath Jean took in protest to that tar pit came filled his lungs just a little bit deeper.

"Because then I got to read Kevin's love letters."

Jeremy's eyes go wide. "Shakespeare?"

"Poe."

Some teammates turn at the sound of their captain's laughter. More turn when they hear him hit the floor. Jean gives them all a plain look.

He takes the note back from Jeremy's twitching fingers—it's best to let him wear himself out on such occasions—and stares at the phone number.

Thea does not ask, she acts. If Thea wants to come down here and see him, then nothing stands in her way.

Except Jean. If he doesn't call, if he doesn't show, he's sure she won't push. She will never call or text or write a note to him again and all he has to do is nothing.

The thought rumbles through the dark halls of his mind that still belong to the Nest, like a freight train pushing forward too much air, pushing, pushing until the wall ahead falls apart from the pressure and—

Sunlight. The lounge door is open again. More teammates, almost late, confused by their laughing captain.

Jean takes out his cell.

[harry-on-broadway]

Sweet

Word Count: 3.4K

***

A red velvet cupcake. That’s how it started.

You were turning five, the first of February, and your teacher had brought cupcakes for you, and the kid in your class who shared your birthday, to have at lunch. Except Jeremy Jones thought it would be funny to push you in the lunchroom, jostling the cupcake out of your hands and onto the ground.

The reaction wasn’t instantaneous, but once the shock of seeing the crisp, white icing covered in dirt wore off, the tears came easily and what had been the best day of your short life had suddenly become the worst thing a five-year-old could imagine.

A small voice interrupted your tears before the teacher on lunch duty could tend to you. “Have some of mine.” Harry, the boy in your class who shared your birthday, held his hand out towards you. His own red velvet dessert unscathed. “Will you sit with me?”

You nodded, tears gradually ceasing as you followed Harry to an empty table, where he pulled the cupcake into two roughly even halves. “Here,” he said, offering you one piece, the noticeably larger one.

“Thank you,” you managed to squeak out.

“It’s OK,” he said, chewing, small crumbs escaping the corner of his mouth. “My mum is making me a cake tonight. I think it’s going to be chocolate. Are you getting a cake?”

“I think so,” you said thoughtfully. “My dad said we’re having a big cake at my party this weekend, but we’ll do a small cake tonight.”

“I think I’m going to your party!” Harry was suddenly even more excited. “It’s roller skating, right?”

You nodded. You’d been begging your parents to let you invite your entire class to a party at the local roller rink for most of the school year and had been over the moon when they finally acquiesced. “It is! And we’re going to have someone do balloon animals too!”

“No way!”

You were pleased that one of your classmates was as happy as you were. “Are you having a party?”

“I am! Mine is on Friday night. We’re going to play games after school and then eat pizza. Are you coming?”

Your own mother hadn’t said anything about a party but you nodded, hoping she’d have the answer when she met you in the pick up line after school.

“Yay!” Harry dove back into his cupcake, fingers sticky with the same frosting that dotted his face.

You all sat next to each other even after the cupcake was gone, Harry prattling on about something you only partially understood, but you appreciated the company which was a great distraction from your own destroyed birthday treat.

That Friday, your dad came home from work early to take you to Harry’s party, where you gave your new friend a Hot Wheel car and an action figure you’d selected at the store after much prodding from your parents. On Saturday, he was at your party, explaining all of the features of the new Barbie he’d picked out for you.

***

In the years that followed, Harry was always the one constant of your school days.

Regardless of whether or not you were in the same class, or boycotting Jessica because she was mean to Hailey, or ignoring Hailey because she was mad at Jessica, Harry was always there. A friendly face at lunch when you needed it, a pal on the playground when no one else wanted to draw with the chalk, and each year, even if you weren’t in the same class, he’d find you on February 1st, and you’d share some sort of sweet treat. A cupcake. A cookie. One year, a pack of gummy bears because both of you had been caught up in the excitement of the assembly the school had scheduled that day.

But things grew more complicated as you grew older.

Thirteen was a tough year. Boy-girl parties were all the rage (as were the hormones) and when you showed up to Harry’s on a Friday, you’d felt shy and nervous and all out of sorts, even though you had no reason to. You couldn’t figure out why until you accidentally stumbled across Harry kissing some girl from the grade above you as a group of rowdy boys cheered them on. You’d left, holding back tears as you called your mother to come and get you right away. The next night was your own girls only sleepover, and when Kara Chapman had asked everyone to name their crush, you said Josh, even though it was the biggest lie you’d ever told.

Fourteen was even tougher. You’d waited in the halls and the schoolyard, trying to catch Harry in a free moment that never materialized. The cookies you’d bought at a bakery that morning, turned to crumbs in the bottom of your bag as you walked home. Fifteen brought rumors of some wild and crazy party that you weren’t invited to, and by sixteen he was gone.

You didn’t think much about him anymore until one night your dad called you into the TV room. He was watching a singing competition show and pointing to the teenage boy on the screen. “Didn’t I take you to his birthday party one year?” he asked. All you could do was nod.

Suddenly, Harry was everywhere. He was no longer your birthday buddy, your cupcake savior, and childhood crush, but the world’s heartthrob. When you walked into the supermarket, his face followed you through the aisles, dotting candy wrappers and magazine covers, toothbrushes and chapstick, every item reminding you of the memories you still held close.

***

It had been Jonathan’s idea to get everyone back together.

After graduation, everyone dispersed. Some had moved to London, others had stayed in town, but for one night everything would be the same as it had been. The back of the pub had been sectioned off, but the velvet rope was more of a suggestion than a dividing line as people flowed in and out freely.

You were standing with Jessica, the one person you regularly kept in touch with, always making time to see her when you were home. You were nursing a beer she had just replenished and talking shit about Jeremy, who was just as much trouble as he had been at age five.

You felt the tap on your shoulder before you heard the voice, low and soft and close to your ear.

“Have any cupcakes lately?”

When you turned around, Harry was standing there, grinning widely with his arms open for a hug.

“Hi,” you said, words muffled by his shoulder. “How have you been?” you asked as he asked you the same question.

“Well,” he said, chuckling. “And you? Are you still around here?”

“No, I moved to London for school and just kind of hung around.”

“No way. I’m in London now too!” The enthusiasm was just the same as it had been when he was five.

“We should meet up sometime,” you said, the words empty knowing that he probably had more important things to do.

“Yeah, I think I owe you a sweet. Or seven,” he added with a sheepish smile, scratching the back of his neck.

For a brief second you were transported back to 2007, to the moment you first knew you were in love with him. “For sure. If you have some free time, let me know.”

“I’m about to have a lot of that,” he said. “We’re, uh, taking a break,” he explained when you looked confused. “The band,” he prompted.

“Oh, I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine. All things have to end, right? It’s kind of like graduating uni if you think about it.”

You nodded. “Still, it must be bittersweet. Not getting to see people you care about every day.” You tried to keep your voice neutral, so as not to betray all of the feelings that statement held for you.

“It is,” Harry finally said. He cleared his throat. “So, I don’t think I ever actually got your number. Back then.” He held out his phone.

“Oh, right.” You gave him your own device and typed your number into his phone, adding your name and a cupcake emoji to the contact. He smiled when he saw what you had done.

“So, where in London are you?” he asked.

You were about to answer, when two of his buddies came running over, nearly tackling him as he fell into you, beer sloshing over the rim of your glass. Harry mouthed an apology, but his friends steered him away before you could tell him it was OK.

“What was that about?” Jessica asked when she saw you were free again.

“Oh, just catching up with Harry.” You tried to act casual.

“I didn’t realize you all were close.”

There was no judgment in her words, but you felt defensive. “I mean we weren’t best friends or anything but we had the same birthday. He shared his cupcake with me when we were little and it was kind of a tradition for a little while.” You picked at your nail polish. “I’m kind of surprised he remembered me,” you added as an afterthought.

“Well, he couldn’t take his eyes off you,” she whispered.

“Stop it!” You brushed her words off, but replayed the conversation in your mind. Had it been that intense?

“I’m serious! He was laser focused on you. An elephant could have walked through the room and he wouldn’t have noticed. Did you get his number?”

You nodded shyly as Jessica applauded you. You could tell she wanted to ask more questions, but she thankfully opted for discretion as people surged around you, rounding up teams for a game of darts.

When you left, you scanned the crowd for Harry hoping to steal another moment with him but he had disappeared. You called an Uber to head back to your parents’ house, scrolling through your phone during the brief drive. When you couldn’t resist any longer, you opened your contacts, skimming through the listings looking for Harry’s name, praying your exchange with him hadn't been a cruel practical joke.

It only took a couple of minutes until you found it.

He’d saved his number as Harry.

With a cupcake emoji beside it.

***

Following the reunion, you and Harry had grabbed dinner and drinks a few times and on your shared 23rd birthday, you all met up at a bakery in London that was purported to have the best red velvet cupcakes in the city. When you all reached the counter Harry asked for two from the case, along with two coffees.

“I figured we could each handle our own now,” he explained.

You all sat nestled in the corner, forks clinking against porcelain. Over the past several months, you and Harry had fallen into a comfortable routine, friendship reinvigorated by your long-lasting crush and his desire to be with someone who knew him before everything changed. You weren’t always entirely sure when he’d be in town, but you knew you were in for a good time whenever he was.

He was telling a story about something that had happened when he was in Jamaica, but you were only half listening, observing the way his tongue stuck out in the slightest way each time he lifted the fork to his lips and the way his entire face crinkled when he laughed at his own joke. He was the same boy you’d fallen in love with all those years ago, just an even better version. And you were still the same girl, too shy to say anything.

He walked you home from the bakery. You all stood so close that your hands kept brushing, eliciting soft giggles and apologies from the both of you. You were certain that if he looked close enough, he’d see just how much you were blushing.

“Do you have any other plans tonight?” he asked. His voice was laced with something, but you couldn’t tell what. You were too busy trying to play it cool.

“Not really. The girls were all busy tonight so we’ll probably celebrate over the weekend. Birthdays aren’t as big of a deal when you get older.”

“It’s in the eye of the beholder, isn’t it?” He kicked a pebble with his shoe. “But no plans with a boyfriend or girlfriend?”

“No. There hasn’t been a boyfriend for awhile. How about you?”

“Same. No one for a while.”

You’d reached your building by this point. “This is me,” you said, rocking back on your heels, unsure of what would happen next. “It was lovely to catch up with you. Don’t be a stranger,” you added, surprising yourself.

“I’ll try not to now that I know you’re around. It would be rude to only see you on our birthday.” Like the gentleman he was, he gave you a parting hug and waited until you were safely inside the lobby of your building before moving on.

You didn’t tell your friends about your birthday rendezvous with Harry, but you suspected Jessica had her own ideas about what happened when she pulled you aside later that night, fishing for any details you had to share.

“It was fun,” you said. “I didn’t realize how much I missed him.”

***

In the years after, Harry floated in and out of your life.

You’d occasionally receive a text or email from him at an odd hour of night, sent in the small pocket of free time he had in between shows all over the world. But when he was in town, he made a point to reach out, meeting you for coffee and pastries, and once even a sad, prepackaged salad during your brief lunch hour.

True to his word, Harry made sure you all had plenty of time outside of that special day, sporadic as it might be, but you knew that every February 1, he’d be waiting for you, some sort of sweet treat at the ready.

There were hiccups here and there, when he was caught up in circumstances outside of his control that prevented you all from seeing each other. But he always found a way to make it up to you with a text, phone call, or special delivery. As time passed, you found yourself growing more attached to Harry. He wasn’t a presence in your life the way Jessica and your other friends were, but you felt your friendship with him was much stronger. He remembered, even the slightest detail, and had some sort of sixth sense to tell when you were going through a rough patch and needed someone to check in. In return, you paid him a visit whenever you could, popping into shows here and there when he was back on your side of the globe.

Harry was most definitely a friend, but the thought of him becoming something more lingered in the back of your mind. He was lovely and wonderful and would make an excellent partner, but you tried to talk yourself out of it – he was never here, he probably got into all sorts of trouble when you weren’t watching – so as not to get your hopes up. But the idea of what if, what if he was yours, only grew stronger each time you saw him.

***

You next saw him at what had become Johnny’s annual gathering.

You’d been doing a good job of banishing those pesky thoughts of Harry over the summer and fall, quieting them with a number of dates you’d met on the apps and through friends. But when you saw Harry standing there, shirt wrinkled and fringe pulled back from his face, every thought you’d fought off came rushing back when you saw Harry standing there, ready to help you out of your coat and greet you with a big hug.

“I’m surprised you managed to find time for us,” you teased as his cheeks flushed.

“I’ll always make time for you,” he murmured.

You ignored the subtext you were sure you were imagining, grabbing a drink from the bar. “Any thoughts on what we’re doing for our birthday this year?”

“About that…” He looked nervous. Shifty. And you were preparing for the worst. “So I haven’t actually made it official yet,” he began. “But I’ve got a show that night.”

“Oh?” You tried to hide the disappointment in your voice as the feelings you felt on your thirteenth birthday  came rushing back. “Maybe we can shoot for doing something later in the month.”

“Or how would you feel about coming to the show? It’s in Palm Springs, but I was thinking maybe you have the time?”

Traveling to spend a birthday with him was something you’d only thought of in your dreams, yet here was Harry, ready to make your dreams come true. “Um, yeah I should be able to get the time off. If you’re sure it won’t be too much. You know, with me being in the way.”

“You wouldn’t be in the way, you’d be my guest.”

“Well then, how can I say no to that?”

“Brilliant.” Harry’s grin was the tiniest bit brighter after that, and you didn’t miss how he followed you around for the rest of the night, always seeming to migrate to whatever group of people you found yourself in.

And when the night was over, he was there to help you with your coat and walk you to your car, hugging you tight before you climbed behind the wheel.

“See you real soon,” he whispered against your temple. “It’ll be our best birthday yet.”

***

When you looked back on all of your favorite birthdays, they all had something in common: you woke up with Harry beside you.

Your 29th was just the start of that trend, as when you rolled over on February 1, pulling the sheet tighter over your shoulder to fend off the slight chill to the air, you found Harry grinning at you, freshly cut hair flopping wildly on the pillow behind him.

“Morning,” he said groggily, the strain of last night’s concert – and post-show activities – evident in his voice.

You’d had no intention of falling into bed with him, but a moment of honesty and vulnerability backstage ahead of his first Palm Springs show had revealed what you’d hoped for all along. Harry had been pining for you all those years, just as you were after him. And when he’d invited you back to his hotel room, you couldn’t say no, falling into a pile of limbs on top of the plush duvet. Now, this morning, you were tired, sore, and another year older, and also much more content than you’d ever been.

“Morning,” you whispered back. “Happy birthday.”

“Happy birthday to you as well.” He grinned mischievously. “I feel like we should celebrate again or something.”

“I–” You were cut off by a knock at the door. You glanced at Harry. “What’s that?”

He jumped from the bed, pulling on shorts and a hoodie he found scattered on the floor as he made his way to the door. When he opened it, your view was blocked and you couldn’t make out the words that were exchanged in hushed tones behind it, but when Harry returned to the bed, he was holding a plate with two red velvet cupcakes.

“I had to honor tradition,” he said softly.

You were overcome at the small gesture and were left searching for words. “Thank you,” was all you could manage in a small voice.

Harry wrapped his arm around your shoulders and pulled you in close to him. “Of course. Anything for you.” He peeled the corner of the wrapper off before handing one of the treats to you. “Did you ever think this would happen?” he asked.

“What? Spending my 29th birthday eating a cupcake naked in bed, post-coital?”

“No.” Harry rolled his eyes. “Us. Being together.”

You shrugged. “I always kind of hoped.”

His eyebrows climbed up his forehead. “Really? With me?”

You nodded. “You were always really nice. And I liked that.”

“Nice?”

“Yeah, what’s wrong with that?” You furrowed your brow.

“I don’t know. That’s kind of the placeholder you use when you can’t think of anything else to say about someone,” he said, licking a bit of frosting off of his thumb. “‘Harry’s nice.’”

“Well you are! You gave me your cupcake when we were five. What else am I supposed to say?”

“I dunno.” He was testing you now, you could tell from the impish gleam in this eye. “You have that fancy university degree. I’m sure you could think of something.”

“OK…” you trailed off in thought, absentmindedly. “Sweet. You were always really sweet.”

“Sweet…” Harry mulled the word. “I can work with that.” He grinned. “And I think after last night, you’re pretty sweet too.”

***

A/N: This felt very different from what I normally write, but why not get a little experimental to celebrate our favorite rock star's birthday. Thank you so much for reading. Would love to hear what everyone thinks!

[moody4world]

ICE BOUND❄️

A/N: finally managed to finish this fic and i personally love it so i hope you guys do to!!

BEFORE READING: look up what a one handed biellman is. Personally for Michael i envisioned Michael B jordan but feel free to envision whoever you’d like🫶🏾

DISCLAIMER: apologies in advance for the angst

Jeremy x Plus size! figure skater! reader

Being an ice skater was always a big dream of yours from a very young age. It wasn’t always easy especially being a bigger size compared to the average ice skater but you worked hard everyday to be where you are now. You had met Imani in high school and the two of you have been like sisters ever since. You were there when she first met Kamal and that unfortunately means you know his obnoxious friends Renzo and Speedy too. You were there when she had her son aka your favorite and only nephew. Which means you spoiled him absolutely rotten whenever you could, especially on his birthday. You had organized a major birthday party for him in the park with large bouncy houses and barbecue.

You noticed Kamal and Imani talking to a tall white guy you had never seen before while you were fixing up the gift table and they walked over with a new one. “Yo y/n this is Jeremy, Jeremy this is y/n, Imani’s best friend” Before Imani and Kamal could say anything else, they were called over by another family member.

“It’s nice to meet you” “It’s very nice to meet you too, you look very pretty.”

“Thank you, how come i’ve never met you before Jeremy” “Oh Kamal and I met recently, we I mean I play basketball with Renzo and Speedy and he’s been giving me some advice and stuff on that” Jeremy was completely overexplaining himself but he couldn’t help it. He was very nervous because of how pretty he thought you were.

“So you’ve met dumb and dumber” You joked, referring to Renzo and Speedy. The two of you laughed together until Renzo came over to annoy you like he always does. “Look who it is, Chubby bunny and Justin Bieber” “Renzo can you shut the fuck up” You said while rolling your eyes at his childishness. “Yo white boy, you tell her you a G-league reject yet?” “I’m not a G-League reject. I’m an athlete on hiatus due to health reasons.” Renzo patted Jeremy’s chest and sarcastically said “Yeah right” You rolled your eyes at him again but luckily this time he left. Or so you thought, he wasn’t next to Jeremy anymore but he was behind you and you had no idea.

Ignoring Renzo’s unnecessary comments towards him you decided to bring up the only part that seemed relevant based off of Jeremy’s reply. “So you’re an athlete?” “Something like that, yeah” He suddenly became bashful and it was one of the cutest things you’ve ever seen.

“Well that’s great, I'm actually an athlete myself!”

*Cough*”Sure don't look like one” *cough* Renzo mumbles VERY indiscreetly behind you. You turned aggressively and glared at him, scaring him enough to finally walk away and leave you and Jeremy alone. Jeremy kisses his teeth in annoyance. “Don’t listen to him, he's always an asshole” he says, trying to comfort you at Renzo’s offensive comment. But unknowingly to him, you were already used to not just Renzo’s but other people’s rude and unnecessary comments. Especially being a plus sized girl in a sport where skinny is the norm.

Shaking your head you tell him “No it’s fine, most people have their own idea of what an athlete is supposed to look like anyway.” you shrug it off.

“Plus i’ve known Renzo for way too long. I’m used to it.”

“Why don’t I come to one of your games? What team do you play for?”

You looked at him super confused until it hit you that Jeremy must’ve thought you played basketball. Quickly correcting him you reply “Oh no no I don't play basketball..or any kind of ball actually..” as you laugh awkwardly.

“So you…..” “Skate…i’m a figure skater”

Jeremy’s eyes go wide with excitement “No way, that’s cool as fuck.” “You do those crazy spins and stuff then. That’s super impressive.”

“I mean I suppose it is..” “Don’t be humble about it, that takes a lot of talent y/n”

“Thanks Jeremy” “I’d love to come watch you perform some day actually” He suggested and took a step closer to you. At first you were hesitant but I mean…he’s cute and he seems nice so far, what harm could it cause? Plus those bright blue eyes were very mesmerizing in the sunlight, how could you possibly say no?

“Yeah sure we’ll make that happen then.” You shrugged calmly but on the inside you were freaking out.

As agreed, Jeremy showed up to your next competition and the next…and the next and now he’d even show up to your practices. He found it mesmerizing how smooth you’d glide and how graceful you’d twirl. He was still getting over his fear of the big leaps and the jumps but he loved watching you do what you did best. After the second competition he attended he asked you out to dinner which led to the two of you laughing and conversing all night.

After the third competition you two shared your first kiss right outside your mom’s bakery. And yes your mom caught you two and she could not hide the excitement of finally meeting the boy you wouldn’t shut up about. Texts became daily and non stop between the two of you and so did casual drives and hangouts. Like right now you two were laying in his bed talking about his parents.

“So you’ve been living here since then all by your self?” “Uhm…not exactly. My ex, Tatiana lived with me for a while till we broke up.”

“Oh….you used to date Tati…..the ballerina?”

“The dancer, yeah. You know her?”

“Uhm no, not really.”

Now that was a lie. You and Tatiana went to the same elementary and dance classes when you were little. You even liked her a lot as a friend until she crushed your dreams of wanting to be an ice skater when you were 8. She even went as far as comparing you to a Chubby bunny, causing the nickname to stick around even after she switched schools.

You never saw Tatiana in person again but you definitely remember her.

“Are you guys still in touch?” “I mean we work at the same gym but we’re just civil now. Why?”

“Just wondering, Jer”

“Hmm. What about you then?” He asked you.

“What about me?”

“Who’s your ex? Is he some crazy ice skating olympian i gotta watch out for?” He said jokingly, making you both laugh.

“Not far off, he’s actually a crazy football player.”

Jeremy squeezed his eyes shut. “Please don’t tell me he’s in the NFL y/n.” You rolled your eyes playfully at his dramatics.

“Even if he was, I wouldn’t know Jer. He broke up with me a year before we graduated college and completely ghosted me so I have no idea.”

“Well that’s an asshole move.”

“Tell me about it.”

The mood in the room suddenly got sad and Jeremy wasn’t having it.

“Want me to order pizza? We can get your favorite toppings.”

If one thing made you happy aside from being on the ice it was food.

And just like that the mood was restored and the night went on perfectly.

It had been a couple days since youd seen Jeremy in person due to long practices while also helping your mom with her deliveries. Today you finished said deliveries a bit early and had a special batch that your mom had made specially for Jeremy. You knew these were the hours he was usually at the gym so you drove straight to there.

Walking into the gym with the tupperware and a big smile on your face excited to see your favorite basketball playing hippie. Your excitement decreased the moment you spotted him though. There he was, being a bit more than just civil with you guessed it, Tatiana. Her hand was on his arm and they were both laughing very amicably. A million thoughts started racing through your brain but before you could escape, Tati noticed you standing at the door and pointed you out to Jeremy.

Once he turned around to see you standing there his smile somehow grew even bigger than it already was. Jeremy started making his way towards you but felt like walking was taking too long so he did a little awkward jog.

“Hey pretty, I didn’t know you were coming” He wrapped his long arms around you in a crushing hug only to realize you weren’t squeezing him back like you normally would.

Pulling away he noticed the tupperware box in your hand. “I just wanted to bring you these vegan cookies my mom made, she wanted you to try them before she adds them to her inventory at the bakery” Is what you said as simple as possible while trying to hide your true feelings of what you saw when you walked in but your bluntness and lack of usual excitement was suspicious to Jeremy.

Regardless, he took the tupperware from your hands when you handed it to him but couldn’t help and double check on you.

“That’s so sweet of her, are you sure you’re okay?” “Yeah im totally cool but I gotta get going”

Rushing out of the gym you hear him yell “I’ll text you after your practice!!” without looking back so he wouldn’t see your teary eyes you yell back saying “No need, its gonna be a late one!”

It wasn’t a total lie, you did go to practice but it wasn’t a scheduled one. You just wanted to get your mind off of your own insecurities for a bit while also practicing a certain move you just couldn’t get down. Staying true to the distracting yourself part, hours had gone by and you didn’t even notice.

After trying the one-handed biellman for what felt like the thousandth time and failing, you frustratedly sat on the floor angrily. “Don’t beat yourself up too bad, you almost had it” You jumped a little because you were not expecting to see anyone else at the rink and you were also in your own world until he spoke. It was none other than your once skating partner, Michael. “I’m embarrassed you even saw that, how long have you been standing there?” You still didn’t even bother standing up from your slumped position on the cold ground. “I forgot my charger in the locker room so I came back to get it and then I saw you getting frustrated.” “Want some advice?” “I’ll take all the help I can get Mike” “Say less, c’mon get up” He put his ice skates on and joined you on the ice.

After four consistent tries with Michael’s advice you were finally able to do the spin successfully. Out of pure joy and excitement you both hugged each other with laughs of relief and pride.

“Ahem” The sudden sound made you both turn to the direction of its source to find Jeremy standing there looking quite upset. “So this is why you left in such a hurry and didn’t wanna text me back?” He had his arms spread out to really show you that he was angry. Michael immediately got the message and decided it was time for him to leave. Once Michael was finally away from both of you’s vicinity he repeated his question since you had yet to answer. “So this is what you’re doing now?” At this point you had skated closer to him and you were eye to..almos eye. “What are you even talking about?” Was all you could ask, what did he mean by ‘this’? “You get all weird from me talking to Tati but you’re allowed to be in a rink alone with some buff ass dude?” his voice was slowly raising and he was visibly turning pink.

How did he figure out it was about Tatiana, did she tell him that she knew me?

“Hello?” “That is not the same Jeremy” “HOW IS IT NOT THE SAME Y/N?” Him raising his voice was your final straw, the tears you had been holding back came flooding down along with your insecure thoughts.

“UNLIKE YOU, NOT ALL MEN THAT TRY TO TALK TO ME WANT ME JEREMY.” Jeremy the oh so clueless was oblivious to everything that you have noticed during the few months of you two being together.

“That’s not true” He shook his head in disagreement.

“YES IT IS TRUE, YOURE JUST TOO OBLIVIOUS TO NOTICE IT, EVERY SINGLE TIME YOU GO OUT WITH ME SOME GIRL BLATANTLY FLIRTS WITH YOU AS IF IM NOT THERE”

“PEOPLE DONT APPROACH ME THE WAY THEY DO YOU OKAY SO ITS NOT THE SAME”

“YOU COULD LEAVE ME FOR SOME BETTER LOOKING GIRL ANY MOMENT LIKE EVERY OTHER GUY HAS, SO FORGIVE ME FOR TRYING TO PROTECT MY OWN FEELINGS”

Even after months of knowing you and being with you Jeremy had never seen you this hurt and angry before. You are the most soft spoken and calmest person he had ever been close to so to say he was shocked was an understatement. Along with his shock came speechlessness. All he could do was stare at you apologetically, full of regret for not putting himself in your shoes. He thought that he could think of the right words to fix things and get your relationship back to where it was a few days ago but the next words that came out of your mouth felt like a knife being twisted into his chest. The tears in his eyes mirrored yours. “I think what we had was fun but I don’t think we should continue whatever this was” “y/n don’t say that” “I’m sorry Jeremy”

Without even giving him a chance to defend his case, you skated off to the locker rooms leaving him to sulk in his heartbreak.

While you cried in the locker room, Jeremy decided to leave and give you some space. Deciding against driving all the way home with how much he was crying, he went to the person he knew could help him get you back. After three knocks on the door Kamal opened it to find Jeremy. He was surprised at his sudden visit only to become worried once Jeremy looked up and he noticed the sniffling, red nose and face covered in tears. “Yo what are you doing here? wait are you crying?” Jeremy was already so exhausted from crying that he only felt like saying the minimum. “Can I please talk to Imani? y/n just broke up with me and I don’t even know how to fix this”

Noting Jeremy’s distress Kamal decided that he’d leave his curiosity for another time. “Yeah..yeah sure, come in, I'll get her.” After offering Jeremy a seat at the dinner table Imani decided it was best to help him calm down first. “Would you like some tea Jeremy?” “Uh yeah some tea would be nice” He replied. “Okay what kind of tea would you like?”

Jeremy thought about it then simply said “I’ll just take the hottest one”

To which Imani just stared blankly in confusion. She still questioned why you were so fascinated by this goofy white boy. “….Okay” shaking her head Imani left to make him some tea.

Once Jeremy took a couple sips of the tea and had calmed down quite a bit, Imani decided to initiate the conversation that Jeremy suddenly seemed to be avoiding.

“Okay so what’s up with you and y/n? I thought everything was cool with you two”

“i don't know what went wrong so fast, she saw me with Tati at work and started acting all reserved. She wouldn't text me back for hours so I went to the rink and that's when I found her with some buff ass guy” “You mean Michael?” “I don’t know his name” Jeremy shrugged “Was he fine as hell?”At Jeremy’s offended stare Imani confirmed that it indeed, was Michael. “Sorry, go on” “As I was saying, I saw her with some buff ass guy and I may or may not have shown some jealousy”

Knowing you,Imani had more than an inkling that there was more to the story. “And?” “And that's when she lost it. I mean I had no idea she felt that way Imani. I would've done anything to reassure her from those thoughts if I knew” Jeremy’s voice had gotten more trembly the more he thought about how hurt you were during the argument. He decided to end his story there, not wanting to cry his eyes out in front of your best friend at her dinner table.

Imani could see that you meant a lot to Jeremy. She may not understand your attraction to the guy but you meant a lot to her too and that is something that her and the curly headed white boy had in common. She couldn’t believe that she was about to help him get back in your good graces but here goes nothing. She took a deep sigh and repositioned herself. “Listen Jeremy it’s not your fault, y/n has a lot of insecurities she’s still working on that have nothing to do with you. However, I haven’t seen her this confident and happy in a minute so you must've been doing something right.” She encouraged him. But Jeremy was already wallowing in guilt. “Yeah well that didn’t last very long did it” “Look, what i'm saying is…you gotta be honest and straight up with y/n about your feelings. Tell her how you really feel and what you really think. Never leave anything up for assumption with y/n, that’s one advice i'll give you. You didn’t hear this from me but that girl loves your pale ass. So go get your girl NSYNC” “ I actually prefer Justin Timberlake” “Jeremy..” “Yes?” “Get the fuck out of my house and go get y/n back” “Yes ma’am”

[imabeautifulbutterfly]

The Next Ten Minutes Ago by Jordan Jeremy and Laura Osnes with Echo.

Hello Anon,

I'm sorry this took a little bit to post. Things got a little hectic.

Anyway, I hope you like how I interpreted this song, 'The Next Ten Minutes Ago.'

Thank you for the request.

Love oo.

The Next Ten Minutes Ago

Warnings: feelings, flirting, smitten, drunken trooper, unwanted advances, being rescued, kissing, asking out. I think that's all of it. Let me know if I miss any.

Main Master List   | Star Wars Jukebox Roulette |   AO3 Link

*Knock Knock*

You looked up to see a clone trooper standing there, blue accent decorating his white armour, along with a blue handprint on his right chest. 

When you looked into his eyes, those warm copper eyes that seemed to be filled with so much curiosity and kindness, the air in your lungs felt as though they were knocked out in that instant, You felt dizzy, as though the concrete floor below your feet were suddenly gone and you were falling into an abyss of emotions you didn’t know what to do with them. 

Echo felt as though his knees went weak, just from looking into your beautifully striking eyes, they held such determination, such fieriness, he felt as though he couldn’t move. He felt glued to the floor as he kept his eyes on you.

“Hi…”

You struggled to open your mouth, but when you finally did, your voice was barely above a squeak, “How…” you cleared your throat hoping the high pitched resonating voice that just escaped your lips had disappeared. “Ahem, how can I help you?”

He offered a soft smile as he walked in, “My name is Echo, CT-21-0408, I was asked to come speak to you about a training opportunity.”

A light shone in your eyes as recognition hit you, “Yes! Come in. Come in.” You motioned to the chair in front of you as you looked through your various datapads, finally finding the one you wanted. 

“Yes, here it is.” You brushed the imaginary hair off your face, as you focused on the report in front of you, “So, we heard you have a great knack for finding things no one else can, you’re thorough in reading your regulations and you’re not shy with technology. Not that most clones are … but you know what I mean.”

Echo shifted a little as he tilted his head, “I’m not sure that I do.”

“Well you don’t shy away from learning about technology, we have a report here from your Captain… a …” you lifted your glasses to read the name of Echo’s Captain, “a Captain Rex?”

“Yes, that’s correct.”

“Well his report on you is glowing. One point in particular, which you may wish to know, ‘Echo is hardworking, dedicated, and always follows orders. He doesn’t do what is expected, he goes above and beyond his duties of service. Both he and his batchmate, Fives CT-27-5555, should be recommended for ARC Trooper training.’ He goes on to list your many missions and your valuable input, not tell me Clone Trooper Echo, do you believe you are ready for ARC Trooper training?”

You couldn’t help the smile that brushed against your lips, it was always enjoyable to give good news. 

“Sign me up, mesh’la.”

You simply rolled your eyes at the term of endearment, you’ve heard it from almost every trooper who ever came in here. They just did it to be polite or because they were excited, they would often tell you they’d come back to visit but none of them ever did; not that you could blame them. You sat at a desk all day, filing paperwork, what could you offer to someone who lived an adventure every day of their lives. 

“Alright, well there’s a few things you’ll need to review and be willing to accept. Now, I’ve your batchmate’s recommendation from Captain Rex as well, and both of you will be accepted into ARC Trooper training, my question is would you like to be sent separately or together?”

“You can do that?”

“I have my ways.” You smirked as your fingers pressed against one another, as your fingers formed a pyramid. Trying to look mysterious, but you simply looked like you were about to sneeze.

“Do you need a tissue?”

You brushed off the embarrassment, “Oh it’s just dust, you know.” You waved your hand in front of your face. The rest of the meeting went by fairly quickly, and before the end of the day you were able to submit both Echo and Fives’ name to Alpha -17 for his approval on the new cadets he would be training as ARC Troopers. 

“Hey love,” you looked up to see your friend Esmie, she was a nice girl. A bit abrasive at times, but her heart was usually in the right place. 

“Hey, Es, what’s up?”

“You done for the day?”

“Pretty much.”

“Wanna grab a drink?”

You looked at the pile of reports, you had planned to come in on the weekend to go through a few of them, but you’ve been doing that every weekend for the past four months and no one seemed to care. “Yeah, I’d love that. Where am I meeting you?”

“79’s. It’s a clone bar.” She wiggled her eyebrows and started to head off before she stopped herself, “8 p.m. and dressed to kill.”

Dress to kill?

You stood in front of your closet looking over your outfits, dress to kill, was not a category in your closet. The closest thing you had was a simple blue dress you had worn to your cousin’s wedding. It hugged you in all the right places, and showed just enough to make it somewhat ‘dress to kill’ category. 

As much as you wanted to debate with yourself longer, you were cutting it really close, you quickly arranged your hair and makeup, slipping on the nude colour shoes that would help to accentuate your legs. 

By the time you arrived in a taxi at 79s you were surprised by how busy it was, even for 8 p.m., it was beyond packed. You slowly made your way in, trying to push your way through, only to feel a hand grab you and pull you onto the dance floor. Before you could even protest this drunken trooper was dancing all up on you, you were getting to slap him, when someone pulled you away from him as he pushed the drunken trooper away. You watched as other troopers all wearing the blue accented armour moved in and guided the drunken trooper out of the bar. 

You turned to look into the eyes of your saviour, only to see Echo standing there, “Echo?”

“Hey mesh’la. Sorry about that,” he rubbed the back of his neck, guiding you off the dance floor to the bar, keeping you safe and away from the drunken rabbles, “he’s not usually that bad, he just received some bad news and chose to drink his pain away. What he did was unforgivable, so on his behalf, I’m sorry.”

The way Echo stepped in, the way he was apologizing, and even the way he looked at you, like you were the only one in the galaxy, you couldn’t help your heart lurching for him. 

“It’s not your fault Echo, but thank you for the apology.” 

“So… what brings you to 79’s doesn’t seem your … kind of place, not that I know what your thing is or isn’t … what I mean … what I’m trying to say is …”

You giggled, resting your hand on his bicep, “It’s okay, Echo. I know what you mean, and truthfully this isn’t my scene, but my friend was supposed to meet me here…” you glanced around the room, to find her on the lap of a trooper with the number five tattooed on his temple, while she kissed. “And it looks as though she’s busy with some trooper.”

“That’s Fives”

You turned your head to look at Echo, “The one I just recommended for ARC Trooper training?”

He nodded, “One and the same. He’s very diligent on and off the front lines.” He smirked.

You let out a giggle, covering your mouth as you laughed.  

As he watched your reaction, Echo felt that same fluttering in his heart, he had felt the first time he laid eyes on you. 

“Can…” you cleared your throat, “I know we’ve only known each other the past ten minutes…”

“And don’t forget the ten minutes before that,” Echo teased. 

“Can I buy you a drink, as a thank you?”

“No. But maybe I can buy you one? What do you say, mesh’la? Care to join me for the next ten minutes?”

A smile beamed on your face as you looked at him, “I’d love to.”

Main Master List   | Star Wars Jukebox Roulette |   AO3 Link

Tag list:

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[mxboxlocks]

PLEASE can we see some of your HC designs? (Also yay, finally gained the confidence to turn off anon lmao)

I don't think you're aware of how mentally ill I am about soldier, and when I see that you've posted something new about him MY GOD I'm feral.

(This is to say I think you're great and you feed my delusions about a 40-something year old man fantastically well)

TF2 Headcanon designs, part 1/4

part 2

I HAVE THEIR EYES !!! which i think mostly encapsulates them pretty well. i also have quite a few doodles

here's the most complete ref i've made of them

their eye color, skin tone, nose shape, and favorite colors!

i'll do the rest of my hcs in order. i usually try to stay close to what i see in canon visually, my hcs are more background and personality-driven. but there are some differences here and there!! starting with scout below the cut:

(ft. spy)

he and spy have a very similar face and nose shape, as i'm sure you'll notice in the third image. they also have a similar eye color, with scout's being a little paler. i've decided his full name is Jeremy Valentine, because of course it would be. he's fairly tan, not only because of his ethnicity but because he's out in the sun a lot. he's trans FtM and his parents are fully supportive of him with very little fuss coming from either side. though, spy was more keen to treat him the same, just with a different name.

next is soldier!

obviously, this is the merc i have the most examples of :3

starting right off the bat i draw his hair longer than it's kind of supposed to be. i know a lot of people say and think that soldier is very strict on his self-care, and while i do think that is true, i think it can coexist with his adhd and his inability to remember things a lot of the time. oh btw he's audhd lmao

he's mixed race latino/white, his mom being mexican and his dad being from all over europe. he had a sister that passed young. he doesn't remember his family, or his real name (legally his name is Thomas Anthony Mason. he's on file at Mann Co. as Jane Jamison Doe). he knew he was trans at a very early age, before his sister was born, and his father in particular was very elated to hear he would have a son to join the military. said father was unattentive and clumsy, and his mother was a little on the manic emotional side. his sister, named Betty-Ruth (but she would scowl at you if you called her anything other than Ruthie) was a very kind and patient little girl. the two used to get along great, before the incident that permanently changed soldier's life course. being he was kicked in the head by a war horse at an independence day reenactment. L bozo.

also he's deathly scared of clowns, so the team has him convinced they're not real. pyro likes to tease him about it

ALRIGHT! next up is pyro! i'll have to do it in another post because tumblr mobile is HOMOPHOBIC so stay tuned for that

[gravitytrips]

Alone in the World

Scout leaned against the wall as he watched his blood soak into the dirt. He sighed. This wasn’t how he expected the match to go.

Respawn it was.

Just as he was about to close his eyes and let himself peacefully pass away, the speakers crackled to life.

ATTENTION. THE RESPAWN SYSTEMS ARE DOWN. ALL MERCENARIES RETURN TO YOUR BASES.

The Administrator’s scratchy voice rang out across the field, her words taking a few moments to sink into Scout’s sluggish brain. When he finally realized what he had heard, his eyes blew wide open.

“Shit!” Scout cried, immediately regretting it when the bullets in his stomach shifted from the movement.

How was he going to get out of this? How would he survive? He was on the corner of the map!

Scout huffed a few times, gathering the courage for what he was about to do, then pulled himself to his feet.

He nearly threw up from the pain.

“Just keep goin’. You’ll make it back and doc’ll heal ya and you’ll feel all better.” Scout assured himself. Yet, a small part of his mind whispered that his team had already gone back to base. That nobody cared. That he would die out here alone.

Scout shook his head to clear the thought, then immediately regretted it as a wave of nausea washed over him.

So, Scout trudged forward, trying desperately to ignore the pain.

Scout had gotten to control point C when he finally could go on no longer. The boy simply collapsed onto the metal point, exhausted. Why was it so cold? Wasn’t it the middle of the day? Why couldn’t he feel his fingers?

Hot red liquid pooled around Scout, bringing him some warmth.

So this was it then? The great Jeremy Fulfer-Anderson would meet his end all alone on control point C. Wonderful.

No matter how hard he tried to keep them in, thoughts started slip out of Jeremy’s mind like sand through fingers.

Breath in.

Breath out.

Breath in.

Breath out.

A tear dropped into the dust, making a tiny puddle of mud.

He really was all alone.

————————————————————————

The cold was gone. Instead, a soft, fuzzy warmth surrounded Scout, wrapping him up like a quilt on a cold night. He was tempted to just close his eyes and sleep amongst the comfort, when the darkness began to take over his vision, something happened. The warmth shifted and changed around him, soft colors entertaining his eyes and soothing his brain. Scout could’ve cried from the pure beauty and comfort of the show. Could’ve just let it go and slipped away. Oh God, how he wanted to.

But something stopped him.

An itching at the back of his mind.

A prickling cold on his back.

An itching pain on his front.

The colors shifted once more, to red. This red became deeper and deeper until it was black, and a cold white light bore down on him from above.

The warmth was gone, and Scout was so, so cold.

Sounds started to filter in, at first sounding like far away whispers, then getting louder and louder until the boy could determine the different voices of his teammates.

WHOOSH!

It was like bursting through the surface of a placid lake. The voices were so clear, the pain in his front and the cold on his back were searing, and the blurred colors and bright lights that rushed by him like a raging river all caused confusion and terror. Scout screamed, but the all-encompassing pain rushed into his throat like river water, leaving him to uselessly gurgle for help!

Then, there was a small, cold prick in the side of his neck.

All was dark.

Scout’s eyes drifted open, the soft glow of a late-day sun drifting through the high, small windows and washing over his body. Jeremy let his eyes fall back shut, enjoying the warmth of the sun. That beautiful warmth….like the warmth he had experienced….when was it….? Where had he been….?

The darkness pulled Jeremy back under.

The next time he awoke, it was to voices.

“He should have been avake hours ago. If he doesn’t shown signs of coherence soon-“ 

A voice Jeremy recognized. One that he knew meant help and health and healing. The boy focused on the voice, trying desperately to call out to it. To ask the man speaking to help him. Another voice cut in.

“Doc, hold on. The lad’s wakin’ up.”

Jeremy knew that voice too. Fun. Parties. Advice. Why wasn’t it slurred? That was very odd. And why couldn’t he see? Had he lost his eye like Demo? Yes….Demo. That was his name. And Medic! His doctor and his friend were right there and he couldn’t even open his eyes to greet them.

Oh yes. His eyes were closed.

Jeremy forced his eyes open a crack, immediately shutting them again when the bright infirmary lights invaded his mind and wiped out all thought. The sudden overbearing light send wave after wave of pain through Scout’s skull before….

click

Scout heard the sound of a light switch clicking off. Whoever had shut the lights off then quickly returned to his side.

“C’mon lad. Try again. You can do it.”

Demo’s voice was serious. Too serious and sober.

That fact scared Scout just a little, so with all his might, the boy tried his sight again.

This time, the lights didn’t blind him. He sat in a comfortable half darkness, with the worried face of Demoman looking down at him, and the rather disheveled form of Medic a few feet away.

“There y’are lad. You can do it. Just keep them eyes open.”

Jeremy opened his mouth to tell Demo that he was ok, that he didn’t need to be babied, that he could take care of himself, but a horrible dryness swept down his throat at his first breath. That dryness caused Scout’s throat to seize up, his esophagus searching and begging for water.

Just as panic was about to set in, a cool glass touched his lips, and a slow stream of water was poured down his dry throat. The boy drank greedily, desperately, and when he nearly choked, he was leaned over with a strong hand patting his back.

Scout looked up at Medic. God, how pathetic he must look to that man. But Medic’s face wasn’t one of disgust. It was of absolute exhausted relief.

“Can you hear me, junge? Are you really vizh us zhis time?”

The doctor asked carefully.

Scout finally opened his eyes fully. He was awake. He was awake and alive and ok. Well, maybe not completely ok. A deep throbbing was set into his stomach, but he was sure that that was fine.

“Doc…” Scout whispered, his throat not yet prepared for full speech.

Sighs of relief filled his ears from both sides, and Scout started in on another glass of water as Medic spoke again.

“Junge, you have given us quite the scare.” Medic’s voice held a hint of exasperation.

“What happened? Respawn got shut down after I got shot and….”

And what? Jeremy had become so sure that he was utterly alone that he just… let go? He could not say that to Medic. He’d never hear the end of it. Fortunately, he didn’t have to respond.

“Ya’ve been out of it for a few days, lad. There was a point where doc didn’t think you’d wake up.” Demo whispered, seemingly trying not to upset Medic, who was moving his desk away from the door.

Huh?

“Did I sleep through the apocalypse or somethin’?” Scout asked quizzically.

“Nah, lad! It’s rough tryin’ ta keep five grown  men from seein’ their sick friend. At one point, Sniper came through the vents! Doc tossed him in th’ ol’ industrial bath tub an’ he ran off.” 

While Demo talked, Scout saw Medic poke his head out of the door and say something. Medic was immediately back inside, leaning against the door and shouting “ONE AT A TIME! I SAID ONE AT A TIME!!”.

Unfortunately, not even the doctor’s orders could hold back the likes of Heavy, who nearly broke the door off its hinges and laid the doctor out in the process.

Scout blinked, and the rest of his teammates were at his side.

Their jumbled words wove together to create a melody that brought a soft smile to Jeremy’s face.

He was wrong. He was wrong, and for once, he was glad of the fact.

Jeremy was happy. Because he wasn’t alone.

[destinyc1020]

Tom’s agents, James Farrell and Andrew Dunlap represent people like Jeremy Allen White, Matt Damon, Callum Turner, Aaron Taylor Johnson, Robert Downey, Will Poulter, Yahya Abdul- Mateen, Austin Butler, John David Washington, Kieran Culkin, Steven Yeun and Nicholas to name a few. Literally the top actors in the industry right now. James is a Partner at WME. Andrew is also a Partner and head of Talent Division. In what world does Tom get rid of two agents who are the top of the top agents in Hollywood representing the cream of the crop of actors? Because fans are mad and don’t know what agents do? That would be the dumbest move actually. They’re great agents and have been with Tom since he was a kid, they know him. Also, mind you Jeremy, RDJ, Kieran and Steven all won Golden Globes on Sunday and personally thank them. Also, Jeremy, Steven and Austin who have been working for a minute are just now having their moment in the sun, people have to understand this business ebbs and flow. No one can constantly be the only all the time. He’s perfectly fine and has a really good team, other actors would kill to be rep at WME and with those two guys representing them. So please stop saying Tom needs new agents when he actually has some of the best agents right now and if you don’t actually understand the day to day of what an agent does for work. Some of you sound ridiculous.

Omg THANK YOU Anon for stating this!! 💓 👏🏾

You hit the nail on the head! Tom has GREAT agents! He would be foolish to get rid of James and Andrew.

And like you said, Jeremy, RDJ, Steven, and Kieran all won Golden Globe awards just last Sunday.... hello?? (Btw, Austin won a Golden Globe last year, and was also nominated for an Oscar)

NO WAY should Tom get rid of his agents. It seems like they are some of the BEST in the business actually, and they represent some of the best. It would be crazy right now to get rid of his agent. 🥴

Like you said, work for an actor ebbs and flows... that's just the nature of this business. 🤷🏾‍♀️ One year, an actor has a lot of projects, so of course they're gonna be everywhere. The next year, they may not have much going on, so you'll see less of them. That's just how this business is.

And I agree with you...I don't think fans should be trying to make their fave their one-stop-shop actor that dominates everything and everybody 24/7. Not only is that boring asl🙄, but it also sets you up for disappointment when your fave doesn't live up to your rigid expectations of them. 😔

Great points Anon.

[slveshii]

A Whiff Of His Scent

You and Jeremy Fragrance meet for the first time and the unexpected happens…

Warnings:

sexual content and discussion, kinda weird

During your sleepover at your friend’s house, the two of you were scrolling through TikTok as the night was winding down before bed.

“Y/n how are you still scrolling? You’ve been on TikTok for 3 hours while I’ve been looks maxing in the kitchen” Your friend said, looking at you in disbelief.

“Well Gertrude,” you said playfully with attitude, “I have a date tomorrow with a man I saw on my fyp and I’ve been looking through his page”

Gertrude looks at your screen, “Is that THE Jeremy Fragrance? The number one fragrance icon that follows the teachings of Jesus Christ?”

“Yeah I emailed him and we emailed back and forth a bit, I got his Snapchat but haven’t checked to see if I got any messages from him”

You check your snapchat and notice he sent you a video snap.

“Well are you gonna open it y/n?” You look at Gertrude and proceed to press on the snap.

In the video, he appeared to be shirtless as he proceeds to say, “Hello y/n! looking at your picture i got a huge boner right now and i wanted to know if you are a virgin if not that is okay but yeah if you could send another video that would be great” You and Gertrude looked at each other in shock but yet, you sent him a video telling him goodnight and that you couldn’t wait for the date the next day and that you are indeed a virgin.

The following morning, you woke up to a good morning from Jeremy.

“Hello I am very excited for our date tonight, I am still erect and can’t wait to see you” he texted, and you replied with “Me too Jer Bear!”

Finally at 6 p.m. you arrive at his house, the two of you decided to have a movie night at his house. You knock on the door and are greeted with a strapping and dashing german man in a white suit with the dress shirt slightly unbuttoned. “Hello y/n” he said as you noticed he was erect, but you couldn’t help but ignore it, his scent was so beautiful you couldn’t get enough.

You walked in and noticed a trail of rose pedal leading to a lavish collection of fragrances. You had come over to

enjoy a movie together, but he clearly had other plans.

“Jer Bear, what is all this” you say contused,

“I thought instead of wasting our time on a movie, you could help me make videos showing off my fragrances, is this okay for you y/n?”

Your smile grew as you had always dreamed of helping Jeremy Fragrance with his fragrances and to be romantically involved. You grabbed your phone and your favorite scent, chose despacito as your tiktok audio and boom you were filming. Cologne everywhere, Jeremy dancing, it was a dream. Your fantasy came true. You knew he was the one for you.

“Y/n, you are under 32, a virgin, Christian, and you appreciate my fragrances,” Jeremy said while holding your hands, soaked in fragrances, and looking you deep in your eyes, “I want you to be mine forever” Jeremy then gets down on one knee and pulls out the most beautiful ring you have ever seen.

“Yes my Jer Bear, anything for you” you said jumping exciting and frantically putting on the ring.

You two romantically kissed, despacito playing, and the scents you used earlier prominent in the air. It was love at first sight all that was needed is a single date to ignite the spark.

Wedding part 2?

[legit9thlunaticwarrior]

i watched saltburn today and if you were on the fence abt watching it; don’t. you probably have more productive and better things to do with 2 hours and 11 minutes of your life.

barry keoghan is unsettling to look at (i find his nose cute tho), jacob elordi is not that great of an actor and i think is only popular because he’s attractive; he’s just the next noah centineo

it was a boring movie that only had one scene that held my attention (in a good way) which was felix (elordi) finding out that oliver (keoghan) lied about his family

the bath water scene, the scene with oliver and venetia in the garden, and whatever that was with oliver and farleigh made me all types of uncomfortable. maybe that’s prudish of me but i’ve scene a lot of movies with body horror, gore, i saw c/\nnibal h0l0caust (one of the most gory movies in cinema history); and those didn’t make me feel the way those did

and on a funnier note; they had the AUDACITY to try and write barry keoghan as this ‘dommy mcdomerson on domerson lane’ type guy. they got him doing all that 6’7 talk in a 5’8 stature. that attitude is against the bylaws. (the only acceptable 5’8 man that can act like that is jeremy allen white)

and idk what oliver was supposed to be for the birthday party but he ended up looking like the mf’er from fall out boy’s acclaimed music video for “sugar we’re goin down”. and that feels disrespectful to fall out boy and the guy in the video

and the ending scene with him dancing to “murder on the dance floor” was just dumb. y’all need to find classic, iconic, music in better ways because knowing this song from just this movie is *IN MY OPINION* embarrassing

anyways, that was my review of saltburn

[heretowritesstuff]

Hey everyone

So this is my first bit of writing on here

I know it's definitely not the best but I hope you all enjoy it. I felt we needed a bit more jeremy Allen white content on here you know :)

No warnings at all

Just setting a scene for hopefully a good story

______________

Chapter 1 the beginning

"Okay, that’s great. And cut!" Charlotte yells at the crew

"Hey Andy, that was great?"

The actor breathed a sigh of relief as she jogged toward the iconic actor who had been struggling to get the scene and finally nailed it

Charlotte has been working as a director for years.

She started as a child in some local community theatre pieces and found out that she loved the camera just as much. As much as she had tried to be in front of it her insecurities got the best of her. And through that, she discovered the magical world behind the scenes.

“Thanks, char! Do you need anything else? I hope that take works I was feeling it and felt like I knew- “

“Andrew! That was amazing, perfect shot, perfect take. You were perfect!”

The amazing spider man actor smiled and slightly blushed at your compliments

“It’s a great film, bound to get you nominated with the academy-“

“Andy Andy Andy… let’s not stress me out just yet let’s just get the movie done”

As Andrew had opened his mouth to say something

She heard her name being called in the distance

Her assistant is taking a quick walk towards her while chatting away on a call

Charlotte excused herself from her cast and stepped aside with her long-term friend and new assistant Mia.

Mia rushed toward her slightly out of breath

“Char, I have your agent on the line who in turn has a casting agent from Variety on the line and they would like to book you for an exclusive next Friday”

“Oh my god yeah of course sure, I’ll check the schedules but we should be all set”

Mia nodded and rambled back into the phone line, she glanced up as Charlotte asked

“What interview is it?”

“Actors on Actors,” Mia said quickly

“But I’m not an act-“

Mia got distracted by another voice on the line and mouthed her a quick sorry

MEANWHILE IN NEW YORK

Everyone is cheering, champagne is flowing while laughs are being shared. They had wrapped season 2 of the bear and everyone was a mix of happy, sad, and relieved

It's funny how it may have been a fake kitchen but the tensions were still so real.

Jeremy was sitting in the embrace of his costar Ebon Moss-Bachrach, laughing at some embarrassing set story when he glanced around at the set of the beef which they had called home for almost 3 years.

He was born and raised in New York but truly made a life in Los Angeles. When you spend 11 years on a project they become family. And He had created a family in many ways and no matter how much fun he had he can't help but feel a bit homesick

“Hey Jer, you doing okay?” ayo asked the blue-eyed boy who was staring into the distance

Jeremy shook his head lightly, getting the thoughts to lose, smiled at her, and said “Yeah I'm great, excited to finally get some damn sleep and order takeout for a while”

The cast laughed followed by Liza saying “oh hell yes I am not going near my stove for at least a month”

They all laughed at this, agreeing that even a microwave meal would be better than working on a stovetop for a while

Just then Jeremy's phone rang

He grabbed it hoping to see a familiar name on the screen, he sighed seeing his manager's name.

He excused himself and went to answer it

“Hey Mark what's up?”

He says leaning against the brick wall of the building, running a hand through his slightly greasy hair. He's not sure if it's hairspray, sweat, or just his hair at this point

“Jeremy! How's my guy doing? Congratulations on season 2. Listen. I have an offer for you. Nothing heavy just an interview for Variety”

“Um Mark that sounds great it’s just, I dunno man I have some things to sort out and “

“J, I know. Listen I don’t need a confirmation right now. Go home, lemme me know in like 2 days and I can book it. If not we grab the next one okay”

“Yeah okay”

After a bit of casual small talk, they say their goodbyes and hang up

Jeremy looks at his phone to see yet another news headliner, some cryptic messages, and a few check-ins. He rubbed his forehead wondering where everything had gone so wrong. How did he get here, something was missing. And it wasn’t the result of what had just happened. That would have been obvious

After he returned and enjoyed a few hours with his cast, he decided fuck it. Not much waiting for him back home. And messages Mark

Jeremy

: Hey bro, I’ll do the interview. When is it?

Mark

: are you sure man? It is next Friday with variety. It’s one of the actor on actors interviews

Jeremy

: Yeah that’s great

Can you find out who it’s gonna be with?

Mark

: I’ll work on it

Jeremy smiled at the reply and was content with this choice

Something about this decision just felt right

_____________

Thank you so much for reading

Lemme know if you would like a part 2

[falllpoutboy]

Personal Question: Who would you like A and J to work with in the future? Whether director or actor. In what kind of story of character?

omg i love this ask! i've been thinking about this for a while so without further ado

directors i want ayo to work with

barry jenkins

yorgos lanthimos

gina price-bythewood

jordan peele

jj abrams

alex garland

dee rees

directors i want jeremy to work with

damien chazelle

zack snyder

paul thomas anderson

ridley scott

spike lee

ayo edebiri

chloe zhao

for ayo i really want her to work with more black directors (and she will with opus next year) so thats why i put barry, gina and dee, jordan on her list. yorgos and jordan- both of whom are academy DARLINGS 🤑- usually direct comedic actresses that have also leaned in hard with the dramatic performances in their movies which would be great for ayo. i really want her to be in a sci-fi movie or two so thats why i have jj and alex garland, both of whom actually make good movies despite the reputation they have online. for jeremy i would LOOVE it if he did a movie where music/dancing was involved somehow bc of his tap dancing background and i think chazelle (also good despite his reputation/last movie) would love to work with him. zack snyder LOVES to objectify hot men in his movies and i think a little action/adventure flick would switch up jeremy's filmography a little bit. PTA and ridley are iconic directors and i would personally love it especially if he did a sci-fi movie. spike would have sooo much fun having jeremy as his token white guy in his movies lool. chloe is a female director who has leaned a lot in the female gaze with eternals and i think her and jeremy would work well together. and ayo well 🤭 i think she will continue to expand her filmography with directing in the future and i can see her working with her friends again and i think ayo directing jeremy in both a serious or a comedic role.

[goldenfreddys]

september ‘04, cont.— american healthcare

Dr. David Miller’s office was situated in a dingy, hole-in-the-wall clinic downtown that practically oozed of quackery. The clinic was obviously created for the sole purpose of exploiting impoverished, desperate people who couldn't afford actual healthcare, Jeremy thought. Unfortunately, he was one of those people, and being scathingly self-aware could do very little to change it. He needed his terrible nightguard job, so he needed his brain halfway functional, and that meant getting his pills refilled before the withdrawal symptoms got too severe. At the very least, the clinic took drop-in appointments.

“Samuel Fitzgerald?”

He cringed as the man in the hallway beckoned him to another room. He figured by the white coat that this was the so-called medical professional that had been generously provided to him in the spirit of goodwill and philanthropy. He had large, rectangular glasses and a long face, which Jeremy figured would be enough discernable features to correctly identify him in the future.

Dr. Miller placed himself behind a cluttered desk with a dusty computer monitor in the classic, charming grayish beige that all technology seemed to come in before the year 2000. Facing the desk, there was a faux leather armchair with a visible slash in the upper corner of the upholstery. Besides that, some motivational posters were plastered on the walls.

Jeremy sat down and ambled through the motions of exchanging pleasantries, which the doctor kept graciously brief.

“Now let’s get right into the nitty gritty. Are you sexually active?”

“... No.”

Dr. Miller let out a quiet chuff, as if amused by his response.

“Do you smoke?”

“Sorta, but I’m- um, trying to quit.”

“Are you on any medications? If so, which ones?”

“Xanax, I guess. The uh, generic brand though. Can you- um, could you get my prescription renewed? That's actually- that's why I'm here. I've been taking it for, like, a long time now, and…”

“We can discuss that once we’re finished the screening process.” Miller took some sheets of paper from his folder and held one up, “Duck or rabbit?”

“Rabbit.”

“Great. How about this one?” he shuffled to the next paper, which was a printout of an Rorschach Inkblot. At this point, Jeremy had his answers for inkblot tests locked and loaded.

“Ghost.”

“And this?”

“Also a ghost.”

The doctor leaned in with an inquisitive smirk, “Do you believe in ghosts, Sam? Are you a superstitious guy?”

“I don’t know. I just think they're cool.”

“What's your relationship with your father like?”

“Not applicable.”

“What are you looking for?”

“Again, I-I need my meds refilled.”

“Why?”

“Because I can't stop taking them suddenly or I get jittery and spacey and I can't think, can't sleep, and my head hurts and I feel like throwing up all the time.”

“It says on your file that you have a family history of psychosis. Are you aware of this?”

“Being crazy has been running in our genetics since prehistoric times. Can I please—”

“Follow the yellow rabbit.”

“Get my… What?”

Dr. Miller held out what looked to be a pen topped with a small plastic bunny figurine. He slowly waved it from side to side.

“With your eyes. Trust the process.”

Jeremy obeyed, “You know, despite its- its clinical popularity, most members of the scientific community uh, they consider EMDR to be borderline pseudoscientific–”

“I can't help you if you don't let me, Sammy. At least try to keep an open mind.”

“I've had an open mind. I never skipped a session, I took my pills. I went on walks, I filled out worksheets, I read those short stories about kids who were quote-unquote just like me. All I got was this stupid benzo addiction.”

He took a shaky breath, still following the plastic bunny with his eyes.

“I’ve heard the buzzwords a million times: progress isn't linear. Grief doesn't always dull with time, it just gets easier to manage. It gets better, blah blah, etcetera. It's not like I chose to be like this! It's just- I’m- I’m not supposed to be here, it was supposed to be me- not Charlie, not Cass, it- it really, really should have been me.”

“And yet here you are.”

The doctor put down the pen then reached into his desk, shuffling around before pulling out a small, unlabeled bottle of pills.

Dr. Miller tossed the bottle to Jeremy with a grin, “They're not exactly your Xannies, but they're in the same family. Best I can do on short notice, but they should tide you over until I can getcha something better.”

Jeremy let out a heavy sigh of relief and crumpled over in the chair. Despite his deep embarrassment about crying in front of other people, a gross, wet sniffle escaped him.

Miller hummed approvingly, “Attaboy, have some damn catharsis. It’s good for the id.”