#unwanted unloved undesired

[liljewishgirl]

Here’s something really hard and stressful.

Being in a situation where you believe so strongly that you aren’t wanted or desired - but the person who wants you, thinks that their actions are showing that they want you.

You then begin to question your own sanity, because this person is so adamant that they want you, but you feel as though it’s so clear they don’t. The other person also questions their own sanity, because they think they’re doing enough.

You’re terrified to speak up about how you feel - to demand different behaviour, to require more clarity, to ask for more - because the arguments are becoming unbearable. The other person feels as though they’re doing enough, so they make no changes, and you don’t either because you’re terrified of losing them.

The situation remains unchanged. You feel unwanted, they feel adequate. You are struggling to believe this is working, you’re waiting for something to hit them - something to show them that they’re losing you. You just want to be wanted.

They notice you’re pulling away, but they remain the same - they see no issue with themselves, or you, they just think there’s some sort of misunderstanding and it will work itself out.

You lay next to them in tears while they sleep, comfortably uncomfortable. You can’t sleep anymore. All you are capable of is crying at night while they sleep because you can’t figure out how to fix what’s wrong with you. They’re perfectly happy, why can’t you be?

Comfortably uncomfortable.

Comfortably uncomfortable.

You are uncomfortable. Unwanted. Undesired. It’s been so long now, you can’t be convinced otherwise. Nothing could prove to you that they want you, nothing could show you that they need you. Nothing. Can. Make. You. Comfortable.

You break up. They move out, your life flips upside down. You don’t know how to adjust. You don’t know how to talk to anyone else. You still dont know how to be comfortable.

[gaznull]

if I had the choice, I would erase my existence from the world. even if I didn't erase it, it's not like anyone would miss me when I was gone.

[ihopeucomehomesoon]

i really want to fall in love

[thebirdandhersong]

btw in case you're wondering if, after reaching adulthood, you finally escape the horrible pain of always being picked last for sports/games: unfortunately, it does still happen, and it still hurts as much as it did when you were a kid

[yotko97]

Poem: An ode to single people

certainly known i’ll always be lonely,

So I built my life to only want money

Accustomed to the sweet lie

Thinking it is worthy to die

Wrapped in a ball and chain,

Unable to fly

love is reserved for the worthy,

So basically, everyone else but me

Always out of reach

To grab and take the ecstasy we like to preach

a trap open to all

as we cant avoid...always fall

Something that all seems to be too late to teach

even though 2 people who come together as 1 may live the longest

those that walk the lonely road all their life are always the strongest

Difficult to accept I’ll never find love,

Lust, friendship and validation

as I was picked for answer E….none of the above

How I yearn for the bittersweet taste of death I’d say

As that would be the only thing in my life that would go my way

To all the women I sought after

But matched with another

I thank you for helping me to walk the assuring path of meeting the grim reaper

As I embrace my solo death

sad to know love won’t be the experience I get to have in my life before my final breath

Im still glad to have the minimal freedom Lasted before I left

To those who walk the empty road

i salute you walking with open wounds

As I unleash my woes

One last time before I go

[boost-creep]

we're breaking down crying in the hotel room tonight!!

[maryreadings]

i feel so disgusting.

[lavender-femme]

don’t call don’t text don’t read the tags if you don’t wanna see my sad thoughts

[kikyoupdates]

Goddess Wink ⭑˚💘⭑ 𝑝𝑟𝑜𝑙𝑜𝑔𝑢𝑒

bnha x f!reader

reverse harem, my hero academia x fem!reader, slowburn

Ever since your Quirk first manifested, you’ve been the apple of everyone’s eye. With the goal of becoming a hero, you enroll to U.A. and soon find yourself drawing the attention of many. Will you form genuine connections with others, or is this all just your power's will?

story masterlist | next

You were four years old when it happened.

As far back as you could remember, you’d lived in an orphanage. You’d never met your real parents, nor did it seem like they had any intention of coming to get you, just based on how your caretakers would act. They tried to convince you that your parents must have had their reasons; that they might not have been in the right place to take care of you, but it served as little reassurance. You felt unwanted, unloved. You wondered what you could have possibly done that your own parents wouldn’t want to be with you—why all of these children were missing their families. You didn’t understand, but it felt unfair. For whatever reason, you were undesirable. At least, that’s the way you felt.

On a rather uneventful day, you were out on the playground with some of the other kids from the orphanage. They were all playing together, but you were off by the sandpit on your own, fiddling with the outfit on your doll. At some point a cluster of them had broken off, and one of the boys came right up to you, grinned, and snatched the doll straight out of your hands.

You frowned at him. “Give it back.”

“Nuh uh,” he jeered. “You’re always so boring, [Name]. You never play with the rest of us.”

“I’m not in the mood to play right now. Can you please give me my doll back?”

“What’s so fun about these dolls anyways?” The boy squinted at the toy in his hands, and without wasting a beat, popped one of the doll’s legs clean off. “Whoa!” he cried out. “They break so easily!”

You felt like you should be bursting into tears, but oddly enough, the tears didn’t come. You were eerily composed, a sense of calm washing over you. Something was telling you there was no reason to get worked up. You felt your chest growing warm, and your eyes began to glow a faint, pink shade. You stepped up to the boy and grabbed him by the wrist.

“You ruined my doll,” you said. “Apologize.”

“Huh—?” He stared back at you, dubious, and something akin to realization overtook his expression. He began to grow red in the cheeks, his breaths became irregular, and he swayed unsteadily on his own two feet. The boy stared down at the doll and its now missing leg in shock, as if he couldn’t believe what he’d just done. “I-I’m so sorry!” he spluttered. “I didn’t mean to… [Name]. I’m really, really sorry!”

You’d never seen the boy act like this before. He was always up to some sort of mischief, and it wasn’t uncommon for him to go around teasing the other girls. You glanced down to where your fingers were laced around his wrist. You tightened your grip, watching the way his blush only deepened.

“I want a new doll,” you told him.

“Of course! I’m so sorry… I’ll tell the supervisors what happened and get you a new one right away, I promise!”

Even his accomplices seemed to be confused. “Dude, why are you apologizing to her? She thinks she’s so much better than everyone else!”

“She thinks she’s too good to play with the rest of us!”

You pulled away from the first boy and stared at the other two. Still hesitant, you reached over and placed a hand on each of their shoulders. You felt something rushing or pulsing through your body. The air felt like it tasted richer, sweeter. And this time you were sure of it—the moment your hand made contact with their bodies, each of the boys grew red in the face and started rocking on their feet as if they were drunk.

“Apologize,” you ordered again.

“We’re sorry, [Name]!”

“So sorry…”

You took a step back and marveled at what had just happened. All three of them were staring at you with flushed, puffy cheeks, as if they were awaiting your next command. Your small limbs were practically oozing with power. You were sure that this must have been what everyone was always talking about—the birth of your Quirk.

“You guys can leave me alone now,” you said, crouching back down inside the sandpit. “Please make sure I get a new doll and tell the supervisors that you were the reason it broke in the first place.”

They nodded their heads furiously, already rushing over to confess their wrongdoings. You hugged your knees to your chest and inhaled shakily. You didn’t know exactly what kind of power it was, but the feeling of others being so helpless before you… it was oddly exhilarating.

—

You explained to the caretakers the gist of what had happened, and they began speculating as to what type of power you had. It was worth noting that while some became more interested in you as a result of your newly-developed Quirk, others were a bit more apprehensive after finding out what had happened to the three boys. The teachers and caretakers instructed you not to use your Quirk on others needlessly, since you presumably had a power that could control people.

Of course, you didn’t listen.

The next couple of weeks cleared up some questions you had about your Quirk. To be more exact, you weren't consciously using it. It was a difficult power to control, and you would find that it activated on its own without your awareness. It became evident that your Quirk didn’t simply enable you to control others; there were other aspects to it that you were struggling to grasp. You were too young and naive to make sense of it all, but the one thing that was seemingly apparent was that your powers relied on attracting others to you.

You’d been rather quiet and reserved for the majority of your stay at the orphanage, but now the others flocked to you like birds. The boys especially seemed most susceptible to your powers. They would follow you around for near hours at a time, even going so far as to give you presents that you hadn’t even asked for. On some occasions, the caretakers themselves would tilt their heads and smile, saying what a “cute, charming girl” you were, before letting you get away with things that normally wouldn’t have been allowed.

At first, you thought you liked your Quirk. You were getting more attention than you ever had, and for the first time, you felt loved and desired. You thought that maybe if you’d been born with this power, your parents might not have abandoned you. All of the boys in the orphanage loved you, all of the girls wanted to be your friends, and they would each go to any lengths to make you happy. You could get anything you wanted. Truly, it was the best possible Quirk.

But this too, was a fleeting feeling. Before long, the attention became overbearing. You could never get away from it all, from the looks of desire and adoration. The friendships you’d developed with the children started to feel less genuine and more fabricated. You felt like they weren’t really your friends; that your power was just forcing them to be. These ugly thoughts started to pile on more and more, to the point that you began to resent your Quirk. You couldn’t control the power leaving your body, and it felt as if you were living life trying to navigate through a misty pink haze.

Several months passed, and a visitor came to the orphanage.

“I’ve come to take you in, [Name].”

It was a man with pin-straight black hair and striking red eyes. He introduced himself as Mikael, and declared that he’d already filled out all the required paperwork to adopt you. The orphan children began to cry, lamenting the fact that you would be leaving them. You were both relieved and anxious. Even if you couldn’t control your powers, here, at least, you could rest easy knowing that everyone adored you. You’d spent all of your life in the orphanage, and you were a little afraid to leave.

This guy will probably listen to anything I say anyways…

Mikael held you by the hand and led you outside once you’d bid farewell to everyone. He looked down at you, eyes gleaming, a faint smile ghosting across his lips. “I think you’ll find that your Quirk will have no effect on me, descendant of Aphrodite.”

“Aphrodite?”

You stared up at him, confused. He didn’t answer your question and instead chuckled to himself.

“Not to worry. I will teach you how to control your Quirk in due time. You’ve been blessed with a gift, young one. A beautiful power capable of touching the hearts of many.”

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[witchthewriter]

𝐁𝐞𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐢𝐧 𝐚 𝐫𝐞𝐥𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬𝐡𝐢𝐩 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐨𝐧𝐞 𝐨𝐟 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐂𝐎𝐃 𝐦𝐞𝐧, 𝐛𝐮𝐭 𝐡𝐚𝐯𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐚 𝐬𝐞𝐜𝐫𝐞𝐭 𝐚𝐝𝐦𝐢𝐫𝐞𝐫 𝐟𝐫𝐨𝐦 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐬𝐚𝐦𝐞 𝐭𝐞𝐚𝐦 𝐰𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝 𝐢𝐧𝐜𝐥𝐮𝐝𝐞

⤷ female, ambiguous race, and any size reader. Requests are open, thank you for reading!

Warnings: fluffy fluff

ᴹᵃˢᵗᵉʳˡᶤˢᵗ | ᴹᵃˢᵗᵉʳˡᶤˢᵗ ᴵᴵ

a/n: With each tf141 guy, they're single when they're admirers.

𝐏𝐑𝐈𝐂𝐄: You had been married to Price for two years now, and the team knew you quite well. So well, that their name for you is 'Mrs Captain.' You had a different kind of friendship with each of your husbands work friends/teammates. With Gaz, he was a sweetheart. Loved when you mothered him a little, jokingly calls you and Price his parents. Ghost has respect for you - high respect. He's someone that you knew you can rely on when things start to turn ugly. But with Soap - my god, all he did was flirt with you.

You took it as a joke for a while, until one night when the five of you were at the bar, Johnny had one two many drinks and practically expressed his undying love for you:

"Mrs Cap," he started to say, a holding the outside wall for support.

"Yes, Johnny?" you said, chuckling at his drunkenness.

"If Mr Cap evah broke yer heart, I-I'd break his face-"

"Oh, well...than-" but he cut you off before you could finish.

"I love ya tha' much bonnie, die for ya I would."

Your eyes had then flicked up to the person who was walking towards you. You weren't sure how your husband was going to react...

𝐆𝐀𝐙: The amount of pride Kyle has for you is insane. He couldn't wait to tell the other guys about you. With more and more information, Kyle never realised he was making one of his teammates fall in love with you.

Ghost was always eavesdropping on the conversations that you and Kyle had over the phone. Was the first to look at any selfies you sent or carepackages. But he tried not to make it too obvious. Plus, he was happy that Kyle had found someone. Even if that someone was you.

𝐒𝐎𝐀𝐏: One of the biggest joys about your fiance, was his humour and how you had the exact same type. You two always found something to laugh about. There were so many inside jokes between you two. The understanding in your relationship was on a whole other level. Soap knew he was going to marry you.

Gaz was nearly green with jealousy. Whenever he saw you, all these feelings hit him straight in the gut. You were his type; funny, witty and passionate. And your loyalty was clear. But Gaz had to let it go. It hurt, hurt so bad. But he had to let the thought of you and him go.

𝐆𝐇𝐎𝐒𝐓: Being a newly wed to Ghost was the exact same as being his girlfriend. He looked after you properly from the beginning. Ghost never wanted you to feel unloved, unwanted or undesired. He worked so hard to show you how much he needed you and your relationship was great.

Except... you kept getting small gifts in the mail, sometimes letters flowers, twice you had been sent jewellery. But there was never any name; no inclination to who it could be. It wasn't until you brought it to Simon's attention that it became a serious matter.

But never in a million years did Ghost think his own Captain would do something like this.

[furiousgoldfish]

While growing up in an abusive family, a part of me strongly refused to grow up, in fact it's still resisting it. I thought at first, it was because I was taught that I am less and less valuable as I age, but it wasn't only that. It turns out, growing around mostly abusive people, can give you some horrifying notions of what it means to be an adult.

I am going to write down how I perceived adulthood, as an abused kid, because I need to work on it myself, and if there's somebody else feeling this, know that these are not your only option for a future:

All adults are stupid, unkind, boring, bitter, aggressive, obsessed with money, do not understand people around them at all.

All adults have to play specific roles assigned to them and don't step outside of these roles. For instance: mother, grandma, father, aunt, teacher, uncle, neighbour. All roles are restrictive and people can only do whatever is assigned to this role (cleaning, cooking, working a job, going to army, being married, etc)

Adults can't play, be curious, or have fun. Adults have to be focused on their role and stay grumpy, serious, bitter and busy. They don't laugh except when drunk.

Adults are having it tougher than children. They are unloved, uncared for, nobody considers them nice or pretty, nobody wants them around or gives them gifts. Adults are permanently unwanted and undesired everywhere.

Adults have good opinions only of people who are already dead. Everyone alive is constantly being humiliated, shamed and criticized. It's better to be dead.

Adults don't care about children, and only think the worst of children. Adults think children should only exist to work and to be yelled at. Adults are dangerous.

Adults don't care about friendships, loyalty, kindness, courage, bonds, closeness, care, or love. Adults friendships are drinking and smoking in the same room while talking badly about every other person in their life. They don't play, laugh or share things. It's a big game of pretense that the other has it better.

Adults lie and fake everything. They lie about their home life, about what they know, about money. They lie about, and to their children. They tell lies confidently. They make things up if they don't know and then tell those lies as if they're truths. They don't feel guilt if caught lying and instead double down on it.

Adults have money but they can't spend it. They have to keep paying bills and they never have enough money for bills and food. They will buy alcohol and cigarettes though, but they're always stressed about bills. They consider it children's fault.

Adults are endlessly stressed about having to 'feed a family'. This is so bad that they actually end up hating their families. They wish all of their children were dead so they wouldn't have to feed them. They can't seem to stop having children but also hate feeding them. It's like they're forced into it.

Adults have to work constantly. They work their jobs and have to do endless chores when they get home. They have to get up early to do chores and do them late at night. They have to do everything alone, unless they can get a child to do it for them. They can't select not to do it, they have to shift it to someone else to avoid it. Adults have no free time, or hobbies. They have to work at all times and always know what needs to be done.

 Adults have bodies that work less and less. They can't run, climb or jump. They're always having surgeries and can barely walk. Their backs and hips hurt and they complain about the pain every time they need to do anything. They blame the work for this but can't stop working. They're still somehow stronger than children when they want to hurt children, and then they're fully mobile. But at all other times they appear sickly and need stuff done for them.

Adults never get over anything that ever happened to them. They're always victimized by everything that ever happened to them. We the children have to get over things instantly, but they are angry and bitter about the past forever. They hold grudges against family members forever. They freely take things out on other family members. They never forgive or forget or calm down.

Adults are not passionate about anything. Their main priority is looking good in front of others and convincing everyone they're better than they are.

Adults selectively care when someone is crying. If it's someone they don't know, they'll act nice about it. If they know the person they will tell them to shut up and stop annoying them. It's like they fall for strangers tears but see through anyone else's as pretense. I don't understand.

Adults die and then other adults get drunk at their funerals. They say you need to cry but they're only serious for the public part and then go and have parties where they just laugh with everyone. Adults don't care about the dead people but say you're not supposed to say anything bad about them now they're dead. They pretend they cared while the person was alive but they didn't. They obsessively clean and decorate graves just for others not to think they 'didn't care'.

Adults will betray anyone's secrets. Adults will tell other adults whatever you told them in confidence. Adults cannot be trusted with information.

Adults judge and badmouth anyone who doesn't act the way they think people are supposed to act. They will impose their own rules and morals on others and shame anyone who doesn't agree. They insist that everyone needs to follow their assigned family role even though they complain about hating their own. They use the most horrid slurs for people they consider 'bad at their role' and write these people off as parasites and worthless people

Adults all agree children should be obedient, quiet and never want anything or disturb them. They want children only to present them with achievements and work for the rest of time.

Adults have sex but nobody is supposed to say anything about it. It's unclear whether they want to be doing it. If it's a part of a role it doesn't seem like they can say no.

Adults can't be cared for or pampered like children can. Adults do not get candy or chocolate. Adults say it's because children are cute and they're not. Adults are jealous of children. Adults complain about not being cared for.

Adults don't understand how hard children have it and always say being a child is the easiest and best time of life. They seem jealous and tell children to be grateful because it's only going to get worse. I can't imagine surviving worse. They claim their childhood was better than anything they deal with now because food was free and they didn't have to have a job.

Adults have no freedom. They have to stay with family and play their role. They can't survive otherwise. They leech off of each other and hate everyone. They live by imposed rules that force everyone to stay together even if they hate each other. They hate everyone around them. They feel loyal to no one. They bring misery to themselves and people around them and don't feel shame or responsibility for anyone they've hurt or ruined.

Adults don't see others as people with their own inner world. They insist that everyone except them is stupid, shallow, mindless and worthless.

Adults are all cowards who will submit to anyone who is stronger and louder. They'll only fight those who are weaker. They don't care about justice and will happily punish victims in unfair fights. They themselves are bitter and upset if they don't get the justice.

Adults only ever look out for themselves. They don't care about other people. They want money and others to admire them and to serve them. If that is not happening they are angry and bitter at the entire world.

Adults don't see good in other people. They don't see what someone else needs or deserves. They don't care about adventures or magic. They don't have wonder or awe inside of themselves. They don't even look at beautiful things in front of them. They don't care about nature, animals or trees. They don't care about books or knowledge, or reading. They don't care about stories or legends. They don't care about people who suffer so badly they want to die. They judge people for suicide.

They don't care about creating or making something unless it can be sold for money. They don't even tolerate others doing it.

They love no one. Everything they do is a drag and a pain to them and they want to push their work on someone else all the time. They don't care about anything except money and how to get more attention and keep pretenses. They have no true friends or care for anyone. All they have is work, rules and roles they need to act. Their lives are meaningless. Even though they have money they cannot travel or use it for fun or joy. They don't think anyone should be free to do as they want. They have no dignity or honor but pretend they do when in company. They yell but pretend they're victims for 'having to yell'.

They don't care if someone wants to die because of their actions. They don't care for anyone who wants to live differently. People who live differently are worthless and stupid to them. They think they're the only ones who are always right even when they're always wrong.

Adults are convinced that when I grow up this will all make sense and I will grow up to be exactly like them

If you felt as a child, or still do, that these are the truths of adulthood, and something you'll end up becoming, it's not true, and it's mostly just abusers who live their lives in this manner. If this is the only thing you've ever known and seen as a child, adulthood would be terrifying and feel like you'd have to lose your soul in order to become like this.

I'll write another follow-up debunking these and writing what I feel adulthood is right now. It's just definitely not that. And living around people who act like this is normal, is traumatic.

[sweetestpopcorn]

Honestly, I can't forget how much that part of the fandom wants for Rhaenyra's importance in Daemon's life to be reduced. I remember I stumbled upon a post and it literally said "She wasn't that important to him anyway, all we know of their relationship is that she was his niece, his wife and they had two kids together", which left me completely ???? It made me wonder if they took the informations regarding Rhaenyra from the TV tropes site, where they spent paragraphs on Laena and Nettles, but a single line for Rhaenyra.

So - just for a short recap - Rhaenyra was his niece, the first woman he ever asked to marry, the wife he always wanted and choose for himself, mother to three of his children (because hello baby Visenya), his Queen, but to these people she was what? An inconvenience to be pushed aside? Like, I already knew she was hated and people wanted for her to be unloved/unwanted/undesired, but some of these takes really cross a certain line sometimes. It's very strange.

Hi there Anon 🤗

Once again sorry for this huge delay.

Ok so I just have to say how much I love the ""She wasn't that important to him anyway" followed by "all we know of their relationship is that she was his niece, his wife and they had two kids together".

Hum...

Just imagine this situation:

"Hi Paul!"

"Oh, who's this lady here with you?"

"Oh no one especial really, she's my wife of ten years with whom I have two kids with and who I met since she was born. No big deal."

Ok then, so if being from the same family, being married, and having children together is like no big deal and nothing important, can I ask wtf is?

Also this is a complete lie since we know about Rhaenyra and Daemon's relationship with much more details than ANY of his other relationships across all stages of Rhaenyra's life: when she was a child, when she was a teenager, when she was a young woman, and then a grown woman. So if we know nothing about Daemon and Rhaenyra's relationship which spans across all of the Dance, can I be as bold as to ask what great information we have on his other relationships? Ah yes a couple of lines. 'Mazing.

Like once again, write all of the fanfiction you want, have all your "headcanons", but keep it real right now and don't make yourselves seem like you need some medication by pretending Daemyra aren't the main relationship of the Dance and the main characters.

And if I can add for all the confused besties, Daemon's character was specifically created for Rhaenyra. She has existed since GOT, him we have only evidence of having been created post "A Dance with Dragons". There was a Targaryen male we knew she married to have Aegon but he was literally "Targaryen Husband" and nothing else. He was very recently created.

What more do you need? Because I'm a doctor but I cannot prescribe medication.

Regarding any website the only legitimate one concerning the canon asoiaf universe is awoiaf.westeros.org run by Elio and Linda. Yes, it's not perfect, has some missing information (not a lot) and some aspects that need updating and have minor errors, however it is the most completed and accurate one and the only one I would advise anyone to go for regarding information from asoiaf, all others seem to be run either by G*T universe fanboys and girls and by people who lost their way to AO3 and somehow ended up writing a wiki for their imaginary fanfictions.

Oh, Anon, have no doubt that many lines have been crossed when the subject is Rhaenyra and I have seen almost all. The same people calling Rhaegar a pedo🐻 and feeling so sorry for Lyanna being dead silent about Rhaenyra and Daemon and blaming Rhaenyra for seducing Criston - these are canon fans btw, not redacted and this was many years before redacted - people writing about Daemon ab_sing and r__ing Rhaenyra while telling her how the LoVe Of HiS LiFe was Laena, people legit calling her a wh0re, fat, disgusting etc... list goes on and on and on.

I would be shocked but this fandom has taught me better and can we really expect anything from a fandom who calls DANY - I repeated DANY - a r__ist, slaver, racist, etc etc, writing entire f_cking metas about how she's worse than Joffrey? Like the bar is BELLOW the titanic and every sh:t show Hb:tchO puts out there will only lower it.

All the best to you, say no to websites run by people who lost their way over to fanfiction.net and AO3, and yes to the ONLY legitimate asoiaf website.

Also when you talk nonsense and you know a story by fanfiction and metas, stop it and get the books. And maybe some medication. There's support available.

Popcorn out!

PS: This is NOT about redacted. Keep Ryan's fanfiction out of canon discussions.

[gaznull]

I feel like the most boring person in the world. I try to be outgoing, talk to people, and be friendly. But no one ever really seems to have the time to stand around and just talk with me. there is always something else to do or somewhere else to be. I basically only exist as a final option when there is no one left to pick. and even then, I still feel like the odd man out, and I remain unpicked.

[lamieboo]

unlovable unwanted undesired avoided left alone shunned bullied hated laughed at hostile undomesticated untamed worthless ugly hideous unsightly repulsive stinky weirdo feral bitch freak dog mutt better off dead

[g0r3wh0r3xxx]

༚༅༚˳ .genuinely venting, be warned xD .˳༚༅༚

༚༅༚˳ .i don't think I can do this anymore, genuinely. I just feel so unlovable. truly and genuinely unlovable. no matter what I do, no matter what I change about my appearance it doesn't matter because no one likes me. I'm tired of it, I'm always the one catching feelings for other people I can never be with and its not even their fault. I feel like such an attention seeking piece of shit and I know that's what I am. but I just want someone to want me, I want to be loved, but I have standards I don't think will ever be filled, and I don't think I deserve to have those standards. it's just, no one takes me seriously, I'm tired of being seen as a kid, as "immature", I am mature, I have complex thoughts, I am smart. but just because of my age I'm seen as a "child", I am not, mentally at least. I just can't do it. I'm going to die alone. I'm unlovable, unwanted, and undesirable. I hate everything. .˳༚༅༚

[theshotsheardacrossworlds]

Blessing in Disguise

Agneta Wildheart, a war cleric and paladin of Lathander, is rejected by one party member during the tiefling celebration and is shocked to learn she may have actually caught feelings for another. SFW.

Author's Note: Agneta is the version of Agi I have in my playthrough with Dandelo, Agi's in-game FFXIV hubby. She was, as with Agnetha, supposed to romance Astarion, but because of a series of unfortunate events (in which the bite scene never triggered) her approval wasn't high enough and he hilariously rejected her at the party. You all should've seen my fucking face when Astarion was like "LOL NO" to this version of Agi lmao. So now this Agi is going to romance Gale, which has been giving me ideas...

When Agneta Wildheart approached Astarion at the tiefling celebration, she hoped for the best. I think he likes me? We have a good time together. Lots of jokes and little flirting. Even Dandelo said he thinks Astarion likes me too.

“And what’s your definition of ‘a little fun,’ Astarion?” she asked with a smile as he drank more of his wine.

He pursed his lips. “Sex, my dear. Not with you, to be clear. Can you imagine that? Haha!” He then waved at her. “Now, go find someone to bother, Agi. Shoo!”

What. The. Fuck.

Swallowing deeply, she nodded and turned on her heel. Her pale cheeks burned as embarrassment rushed through her.

I…

I didn’t even want to sleep with him? Just sit by the river and talk? Maybe cuddle? Kiss?

But he can’t even imagine that, can he?

Even here, I’m undesirable.

And everyone saw. EVERYONE.

They’re all staring at me.

“Poor Agi, even in the middle of fucking nowhere, no one wants her.”

She felt herself walking away from the party and ignored the calls from Zevlor and Alfira beckoning her back.

It was all a little joke to him, wasn’t it?

Every time I’d smile at him or laugh at his jokes…it was a joke.

I’m the joke.

Everyone thinks I’m a joke.

And I let it happen.

What was I thinking?

Mum taught me better than this.

Far from the Gate and high society, I’m still…

Agneta said heavily on a log, head in her hands as she sobbed.

My Lord, you have illuminated so much of my life, but why not this part of my life? You praise me for the love in my heart, that I freely share…but when it comes to romance, I’m alone and unwanted and unloved.

Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.

“Oh Agi.”

Those two words spoken by the wizard of Waterdeep caused Agneta to lift her head, tears be damned.

She forced herself to smile and shook her head. “I’m fine. It’s okay. I’m fine—”

Gale gestured to the log. “May I? That is, if you don’t mind the company of course.” When he saw her assent, he walked and sat next to her. When his gaze met hers, he smiled sadly. “Agi, you deserve—”

He never finished.

Agneta threw her long arms around the wizard’s neck and sobbed some more. Gods, I am fucking pathetic. Pathetic. Stupid. I’m so stupid… She was vaguely aware that one of Gale’s hands was cradling the back of her head as she cried into his shoulder, while the other gently held her soft waist. She could not make out exactly what he was saying, but as usual when Gale talks, I simply melt. He’s got a lovely voice. He’s always so nice…and he’s a great cook. Damn. So good.

Unsure of how much time had passed, she raised her head and sniffled. “I’m so sorry.” Sorry for crying? Sorry for being a pathetic thirty-year-old lady whose mother can’t raise her dowry enough? Agneta chuckled, touching the wet spot on the shoulder of his purple camp clothes. “Sorry. I got you all wet.”

Gale smiled reassuringly. “Oh, it’s alright. Nothing a little prestidigitation can’t fix.” He muttered the spell under his breath, and the wet patch dried immediately. Ooooooooh. Maybe Gale can teach me that. “There.” With the back of the knuckles, he wiped away the remaining tears from her cheeks. “There.” Is it me, or is all the heat in my body rushing to my face? “You deserve so much better than him, Agi. I haven’t known you for long, but I know this to be true. The one whose heart you’ll eventually hold should consider themselves lucky, no blessed, to have the love of such a brave, beautiful, kind, intelligent, and often quite humorous woman.”

Agneta struggled to keep her breathing even as her heart raced. “Often quite humorous?”

He hummed. “Oh yes.” Gods, when he smiles, his eyes crinkle…and it’s cute. “Has no one told you that you’re incredibly funny and charming?”

Wrinkling her nose, she giggled. “Does my mum count?”

That earned her a hearty laugh. “No! No! No! No, your mother doesn’t count! By Eliminster’s beard, gods no! Agi, surely there have been—"

As her face flushed hotter, she shook her head. “I’ve been courted officially once, and it ended badly.” Stop talking!! “I’ve had such shit luck with love, and everyone in Baldur’s Gate knows that Mum can’t pay enough for a man to marry me.”

That’s it.

Yes, I liked Astarion a bit.

But he was only one in a long line of rejections.

Just one more added onto the pile.

That, combined with the stress from this “adventure,” is making me feel worse when I suppose I don’t think I should. Remember what Da said, “The Morninglord says there’s always another dawn. For me, there’s always another fish.”

Oh man, I could really go for some fish and chips right now.

Gale cleared his throat, smiling nervously. “You do realize you’ve been, erm, how shall I put this, well…broadcasting your thoughts to me?”

“Oh no.”

O Lathander, smite your favorite Dawnbringer with your radiance for she is a fucking idiot who is dumbass’ing her way through the Sword Coast.

I can still hear you, Agi.

“SHIT! I’m so sorry. Maybe I should go…or make a sleeping draught and hope the ground swallows me…” Agneta leaned away from him, causing him to frown and show off those sad puppy eyes. FUCK. FUCK. GODSDAMNIT GALE. You can’t just do that! “I’m such a fuckup. I’m sorry.”

Gently but firmly, the wizard took her hands in his. “Agi, look at me.”

No, I can’t.

Yes, you can. Look at me.

You don’t understand. I’ve messed this up so badly, and I—

You’ve done no such thing. Now please, look at me. Please.

She turned her head towards him, tears falling freely. Her light brown eyes met his, and she was not shocked to see his warm expression. “Looking.” She teased softly.

However, she was shocked when he playfully rolled his eyes then winked at her.

OH.

“Now, as I said, you’ve done nothing wrong. You’re not a fuckup or anything of that sort. I’d, erm, very much like to…” Aw he’s doing the cute head tilt from side to side. “Sit with you awhile. Enjoy the rest of the evening.”

She nodded. “Yes. I’d like that very much.”

The pair spent the rest of the party by the river, side by side.

Hand in hand.

Much later, as she drifted off to sleep, Agneta had a realization that hit her like a ton of bricks.

I loved it when he held me. Less so that he was holding me while I was crying but anyways…

He’s sweet, kind, polite, smart, funny, brilliant, handsome…

He’s everything I’ve ever dreamt of.

I think I’m in love with a wizard.