#until the point of exhaustion
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This was El’s face after watching Billy die for her btw.
#She wanted to save him#she spent the whole season using her powers to protect her friends#until the point of exhaustion#and right when she thought that no one was coming to save her#here comes billy hargrove#a boy who did not know who she was#he only knew the gentle touch of her hand on his cheek. and that was enough for him.#billy hargrove#stranger things#eleven hopper#eleven and billy#Billy and eleven#Dacre Montgomery#harringrove
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Heh...Literally nothing personal, kid.
[First] Prev <–-> Next
#poorly drawn mdzs#mdzs#wei wuxian#sect leader yao#This episode has a lot of scenes I know people are excited for and starting here seems odd but here me out:#The sheer hilarity of this opening scene was too good to not give a highlight to.#Dare I say it? I think this is THE most underrated scene in the whole series.#You have one guy flashing WWX his prosthetic leg. Another complains about his dead parents.#And the third guy? He has no personal grievances at all. He's just here to be included.#You cannot get better comedic timing than that. Sect leader Yao you will always be famous to me.#There is also something to be said about how this scene is about shifting blame and holding a false trial.#And we also have the main theme about rumours vs truth in how Sect leader Yao is only here based on what he's been told to beleive.#And WWX is so exhausted by the blame! He was one breath away from saying 'form a queue and I'll take your complaints one by one'#WWX (overall) didn't do those things directly but he's the one the responsibility falls on.#Despite the fact that the first siege was *not* incited by him. It's like hitting someone and getting mad your fist got hurt.#What a brilliantly frustrating scene!#Anyways next up are the long awaited pheonix mountain flashabck scenes. We finally made it.#and AHH Season 3!!! The last stretch! Thank you all for rooting me on up until this point!
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thinks about the master & the doctor cuddling thinks about them cuddling thinks about them cuddling thinks about them cuddlign thinks-
#its a vrry specific flavor of cuddling its like.#its exhausted. first of all. and its lonely.#its the kind of cuddling that starts because one of you literally flopped on top of the other and wouldnt move#and then started squirming to become an even bigger hiderance than they already were if they were being ignored#its a puppy pile of two. they are in the weirdest most uncomfortable looking positions imaginable#you look at them and you think ‘this is how glass sculptures would cuddle if glass sculptures had feelings and were touch-starved’#its a cuddle that might end with one of them putting the other in a full body lock for whatever reason. either to keep them from running#or because they had a nightmare. they do have nightmares you know. and they aren’t fun to sleep next to. the best comfort is a good defense#its the kind of cuddling where one of them is awake for too long. breathing slowly so they dont disturb their partner and staring.#memorizing. taking note of every difference since last time.#its the kind of cuddling where even if you walked in on them at a point where while they were asleep theyd scooted apart and weren’t#touching anymore. you’d still notice that they’re practically mirror images. curled up the same way and facing each other. until one of them#kicks in their sleep and disturbs the illusion. but still.#you get me?#and also theres biting.
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bought pre-cut fruit & am finally able to eat fruit 👍 i love fruit but my adhd HATES having to cut things & i cannot just bite into a fruit bc it creates a sensory issue for me when my face gets sticky i can’t stand it so like i have had to narrow down so much the ways i can eat fruit 😭 but anyway being able to just eat it made me actually eat the fruit i am so happy 😩 next i need to get smth that will cut onions for me so i can cook like 90% of the things i want to cook but can’t make myself bc i don’t want to chop an onion so badly…..
#michelle speaks#unfortunately they don’t pre-cut most of my favorite fruits but that’s ok i still like the fruits they do cut#they don’t have most of the fruits i like in general rn bc i love plums and peaches and pears#pears are in season but they don’t have my favorite pear anymore it seems 😔 red bartlett my beloved 😭#SOMEONE. TOOK my last red bartlett pear that i was going to eat & favor for NO REASON. and i have not been able to have another one since#*SAVOR not favor#it was cruelly stolen from me. AFTER i requested it not be. i was going to say it’s fine but it isn’t.#and it will NOT be fine until i can have another one again. which they do not have them at whole foods rn. so who knows when that will be 😑#took myself over to the whole foods website which states that ALLEGEDLY. they have red pears. which they do NOT!!!!! bc i checked two days#ago and they DONT. not that it matters bc i am too mentally exhausted to cut a fruit which was the whole point of this post#and now i’m just complaining that i can’t get a pear and a previous incident that took place where i was ROBBED.#but ANYWAY!!!!! i bought fruit and ENJOYED it bc i didn’t have to cut it and the moral of the story is that if u have adhd and cannot do#things u should figure out what abt the task bothers u and see if there is a way to get around it or make it easier. supercorp bless u
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just read a delightful OT3 story in another fandom involving hot baths and massages, and now I am directly yoinking a bunch of its beats so I can tell myself a bedtime story about Lisa and Kaeya bullying Jean into a hot bath and massages. 10/10, do recommend
#she comes back filthy and exhausted from a big battle#and lisa is like 'you're not getting in my bed in that state'#jean is confused. there was no previous discussion of getting in lisa's bed. this was supposed to be kaeya's date night#and now will inevitably be swallowed up by post-mission reports#(but she and kaeya can sneak in some late-night couch cuddles while reviewing everyone else's reports. so it's fine. really)#at which point lisa informs them both that they are having their date night in her bathroom#look at them. merely stepping into the office would create an hour's worth of work for noelle. add another hour for every item they touch#do they want to do that to noelle? of course not. how COULD they#at which point kaeya is pretty enthusiastically getting with the program. surely they can write their reports at lisa's. once they're clean#waiting to review all the others' reports until tomorrow will give them the chance to clean up first too. great for morale#(and obviously lisa will now be inviting herself along on the bathroom date. it's her tub#jean will just have to endure both of them loving on her at once. how terrible. whatever will she do)#...damnit. logging this for later to see if i can write the bath-and-massages without actually completely ripping off this other writer#anyway#jean has two hands and two aides: coincidence?
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New game interest unlocked
(crow in bottom right belongs to @patchwork-crow-writes)
#ramarl#phantasy star online#long tag warning lol i rambled#so i was introduced to phantasy star online#i think its safe to say i really enjoy the game#thank you mr crow for showing me this game :D i have new creatures to scribble now#there shall be more of these doodles#i promise you that#meant to post this wayyyyy earlier today but uh#my car broke down :') ....again :')#last week it wouldn't turn on and the headlights weren't working so we were like ''ok this is a battery issue and i need a new one''#because jumping the car didnt fix it#so we took my old battery to a shop and they tested its charge before showing us which new one we should get#but the battery had charge???????? so we went back home to troubleshoot#and then found the hooks(?idk what they're called) that connected the battery to the car had something corroded on them#so we grabbed a can of coke and scrubbed away#hooked the battery back up and bam car was working#so the issue was those hooks#until two days ago when my car didnt work again#looked at the battery again and the hooks came loose; tightened them up and bam car working again#and now at this point I'm scared to go anywhere cause what if i get stranded on my own??#so this morning i said ''alright I'm gonna drive myself to church just to be sure that my car works''#AND WOULD YOU GUESS WHAT HAPPENED#at this point i just wish the damn battery was dead and that i could replace it and move on from this#i know they're a bit pricey but jesus this is exhausting#but i can't just buy a new battery if im not sure that's the actual problem because then I'd have a battery and nothing to do with it#i hate having a car sometimes i just want a bus system#or a jeep#but preferably a bus system#sorry rambles thats a long way of saying i didnt post this earlier because ive been working on my car lol
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hey. i have an interview tomorrow for a job i really want. and my chances are pretty good. but if you have a spare bit of good energy, would you think of me tomorrow?
#i gotta get out of retail. i really really do#i can't keep this cycle of trying so hard to the point of exhaustion#giving up and seething in rage and then just being dead for a while#then back and fighting again until i get worn down#the target is always moving but i have to reach my breaking point in order to be heard
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she's a 10 but is thinks she's doomed by the narrative
#shoh#shepherds of haven#i like that she's pretty meh about the gods until the scene at the temple and her 'faith/theist' stat dumped to like 10#and then someone tries to curse her bls#anyway i might be reaching but i dont think she's in a good headspace as of ch 8/9 and becoming commander wasn't a good move for her#its letting her overwork herself to the point of exhaustion so she doesn't have to think where she normally wouldnt#my art#aelyn wildegarde
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yaknow what fucks me up about RL Scott? the fact he continues feeling guilty for killing Jimmy throughout his entire episode.
Everytime something bad happens to him (i.e. Cleo accidentally hitting him) his reaction is "it's alright, I accidentally killed Jimmy so- (I deserve it) "
Like what is up with that
fuck wait yeah you’re onto something. At first I personally interpreted it as some way of helping Jimmy’s reputation— by claiming he takes responsibility whenever Jimmy being a red name is brought up, it makes Jimmy being a red name look less pathetic. Which iirc is the context it was often brought up in, but I do remember him bringing that up when Cleo accidentally hit him which is fascinating… “It’s okay that you hit me I killed Jimmy on accident” is a line of logic that doesn’t make any sense but is definitely in line with how he thinks redemption through personal suffering is correct and noble, albeit on a much smaller scale.
#sorry. Insane#It did strike me as weird but I didnt think about it much until you pointed it out… ohh the character#asks#that.blue.mf#everyone clap and cheer for me btw i answered an ask in my barely conscious exhaustion portion of the day#bc for some reason its not affecting me nearly as much rn. Ive been blessed so that I can talk about scott smajor
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i love iruka sm like i’m glad i had no following when i was the most unwell about him
#the baby fever he gave me was concerning#like the baby fever he gave me was worse than anything sukuna lucifer or tsukishima has ever given me#because i like kids right. they’re annoying but i do like them.#and iruka is just so GOOD with kids. he’s so loving and selfless and kind and patient and empathetic#AND THERE IS SO MUCH ART OF HIM WITH KONOHA 11 AS KIDS#AND ITS ADORABLE#and there was a point when i exhausted the x reader tag bc content is scarce#so i occasionally go back to check for any updates#ANYWAYS IM MAKING THIS POST BC I SAW SOME ART ON PINTEREST AND IT REMINDED ME OF HOW MUCH ID LET THAT SILLY GOOFY MAN FUCK ME UNTIL I#POPULATE THE HIDDEN LEAF WITH OUR KIDS#iruka is another blorbo i don’t talk about often but he’s there and sitting very high#and don’t start me with the uchihas#if itachi was alive my lust would bring back the uchiha clan i can promise you that#LMFAO IF YOUVE READ THIS FAR SORRY#cw pregnancy#cw children
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seriously can catastrophes stop happening for five minutes my brain is already fried from the ones we're already experiencing
#I fucking. missed d&d tonight by accident#I straight up forgot#and just didn't show up to the session#my sleep schedule is absolutely fucked#I should be sleeping now but brain won't shut up#my creative output is the lowest it's ever been and I've been in some level of depressive funk since like early january#I am just deeply unfathomably exhausted#like mentally and spiritually#all the time#my memory and sense of time are both shit#my spelling is worse than it used to be for some reason??#I really don't know what to do to make my brain start functioning again it's frankly worrying me#I couldn't even handle college so it should come as no surprise that I'm reacting poorly to the world being a perpetual screaming trash fir#and yet#idk it's been hitting again lately that I have never succeeded at anything in my life and just keep tripping and falling up for some reason#fucking everyone is in hell right now and with my overall success rate I should be dead in a ditch but I'm actually doing spectacularly#due to a series of improbable accidents and weird circumstances that happened to turn out in my favor instead of completely fucking me#aside from the looming spectre of my various failed attempts to have some kind of life trajectory#it just doesn't feel like this can keep up forever#like surely at some point the luck has got to run out I can't just keep living like some kind of folkloric trickster archetype#but my motivation and sense of purpose kind of died after the last failed attempt so I'm still just here#doing whatever this is#maybe I should drive out to the coast#maybe staring at the ocean would fix me I've been away from it for too long#I mean it can't make me worse#I should wait until further into summer though so I don't have to drive back in the dark#everyone around here has trucks with those goddamn LED headlights and I've got a little sedan that's directly in their blast zone
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in the amelia pond au, amelia’s aunt does still send her to therapy between doctor adventures, but since amelia is now secure in the fact that he’s Definitely Real since both rory and mels have also met him and because she lost a tooth last week from tripping on the stairs of the tardis, she doesn’t bite any therapists this time around. and besides, her therapist is a very funny lady. she reminds amelia of her doctor, with how her voice will flip and jump in volume and accent and tone on a whim, with how she’ll talk to amelia like they’re conspiring together. she keeps the pictures amelia draws of the doctor and their adventures for her, even hangs one or two on the walls. she listens very intently to every detail, which no adults in amelia’s life do save the doctor himself and river song, whenever she’s around. and best of all, whenever she tells amelia’s aunt that amelia is doing just fine, don’t you worry, she’ll grow out of this, she winks at amelia so that amelia will know her therapist is only playing along to wave away her aunt’s suspicion.
it is a little odd, though, that she insists on only being called Missy. but amelia is quite used to odd by now.
#not the point of this post but. please do imagine amelia and rory and mels and the doctor all having escaped from Real Actual Danger#rory has the energy of a cat with its fur all puffed up and looks like he’s either going to start crying or yelling at the doctor#mels is standing on the box the doctor got her so she could see the tardis console better and studying the way he flies it very intently#and amelia is still full of energy and adrenaline and can’t stop racing around the tardis like a hyperactive gerbil. because if she stops#she might have to be scared instead but if she can run long enough she’ll forget to be scared at all and when she collapses exhausted all#she’ll have left are the exciting happy memories#and then she misteps racing up the stairs. shouts! the doctor and mels and rory are all at attention immediately. mels moves first but rory#is closer and helps amelia back up. and then the doctor is crouching down in front of her. ‘let me see. oh that’s a lot of blood. that’s.#how much blood are you able to lose again? its more than this. probably.’ amelia’s whole face hurts. but the doctor’s rambling is familiar.#it helps. and he’s only so talkative when he’s sure he has a solution. besides. rory’s head’s nestled on her shoulder and mel’s got her#hands. the doctor wipes blood off her nose and her chin. tilts her head up and goes ‘aaa’ sticking his tongue out until she does it too.#and he tells her to feel her upper row of teeth with her tongue. she does until she finds the gap.#it still hurts. hurts more when she nudges it with her tongue all bleeding and raw. but she just lost a tooth! and you know what that means.#they have to find it. or else how will the tooth fairy leave her any money?#(the doctor hears her say that to mels as they search. and he glances off to the side and makes a note to go back and make sure it *was* her#aunt leaving her those coins. and not something else. which he does. and finds out her aunt wasn’t leaving her any coins at all.#he can’t just let that stand! so the doctor becomes amy’s tooth fairy as well.)#and that is how amelia loses a tooth on the tardis.#amelia pond au
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GUYS I JUST REALIZE I STUDY BETTER WHEN IT’S LATE BECAUSE IN THE DARK THERE’S LESS TO DISTRACT ME THIS IS REVILUTIONARY
#adhd#adhd hacks#study hacks#I also have a hard time falling asleep at night when I’ve been anxious so I just crank out studying until I’m tired enough to sleep#Up until that point my brain is too tired to think about more than one thing at a time#but the exhausted concentrating all my remaining brain cells on one thing is still more concentration on any one thing I have when I’m awake#so the two of those combined makes for a great study time when I make it
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lol. i think ive reached my limit.
#i just cannot take this torture anymore#ive been at the mercy of this horrible disease for over half my life now#imagine living knowing that roughly every 3.5 weeks youre going to experience the most excruciating pain of your life#along with crushing. usually suicidal depression. and such extreme fatigue and exhaustion that you easily sleep for 14+ hours a DAY#AND ITS ALL FOR FUCKING *NOTHING*#there is literally ZERO benefit or reason for me to be experiencing this#it is 100% extraneous#and even if you go to a dr and try to get treatment their only recommendation is 1) pain killers and/or 2) birth control#which both come with their own fucking share of unpleasant side effects#not to mention theyre not even 100% effective at stopping the problem in the first FUCKING place#and imagine even tho you have this DEBILITATING DISORDER society at large has decided it straight up DOESNT EXIST#to the point where REAL ACTUAL MEDICAL PROFESSIONALS will dismiss your symptoms#not to mention people in your life who dont understand or just straight up dont believe your disorder is real#good luck keeping a job or any other major commitments#considering you'll either be out of commission for like. 1 out of ever 4 weeks#or youll have to work/whatever WHILE experiencing said excruciating pain/crushing depression/debilitating exhaustion#not to mention the GI issues and the migraines and the brain fog and the fucking. full body aches#wanna go to a concert? or plan a vacation? or just. fucking. RELAX? you better hope its not during Hell Week or youre outta luck#and youve got roughly 30-40 YEARS of this to look forward to#maybe less IF YOURE LUCKY#im fucking over it#i cant take it anymore#im making an appt to see a dr and i WILL NOT LEAVE THEIR OFFICE until they have referred me to whoever i have to talk to to make this stop#my fucking fury at having to live like this has officially outweighed my fear of invasive procedures/recovery time/side effects#let along the torture that is navigating the medical care system as an AFAB#i just. i cant do this anymore.#i want to fucking LIVE#fuck
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At this point I’d rather the goyim collectively shut up about Jewish history rather than pulling out random and extremely internally debated facts around minhag or antisemitic expulsion to be ve tu wrong about very loudly, like just, please. Focus on the ceasefire. Idk how this form of “allyship” is supposed to help anyone
#Too many examples to name it’s just exhausting#Might be the mix of the words *indigenous Palestinian jews*#*jews had no physical presence in Palestine until herzl*#Pick a side???#Also next person who treats *ashkenazi* as interchangeable with usamerican wasp owes me 18#000 usd. Like why are you doing this#I know you want to show allyship (sometimes) or something and prove political points but it’s jsut strange
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really wish people would read blog rules more, it makes running blogs like this very low reward and you feel like a machine if people aren't commenting and aren't even abiding by one of the, honestly, very few and politely phrased rules i even have
#then i'm left trying not to respond like a bitch when the rules are there in the first place so i don't have to have negative interactions#with the people who come to this blog#like keeping it 100 you write for yourself but you write for ENGAGEMENT and COMMUNITY#and these days in fandom there really is no community#for any fandom across the board#people see something and move on#that's bad enough at killing fandoms#but the fact that a creator can have really only one super hard rule and it gets disregarded every day#day in and day out! and i really mean it this rule gets broken in my inbox DAILY man!#i write for a lot of small fandoms or smaller characters i love the characters i'm happy to do it#but i have an adult job. college. friends. family. my own original creative projects#and even if i don't respond to the asks where people are blatantly violating /again/#one of my FEW rules#it's exhausting to even see it !!!#it makes me not feel like a person#who cares what the girl behind the screen asked me not to do? right?? but i'm about done#i'm only at my breaking point because i've had this blog now for what three or four years??#and no matter how i phrase the rule people break it#no matter how many reminder posts#it's exhausting because it's an every day daily thing#idk maybe i'll feel better abt it in the morning but i'm getting exhausted tbh#exhausted as in this blog might be going BYE BYE i wont delete i think you'd have it up until tumblr goes away but i am getting pissed off#TRULY pissed off bc it's been years of me asking cmon now
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