#until i realised i only hear adam sing it

[teambadam]

How have I got to a point where a nicki minaj song makes me think of a straight white man who plays giant board games for a living

[a-crumb-of-whump]

A New Beginning Drabble: Dissociation

Masterlist

Content: Vampire whumpee, dissociation, human caretaker, recovery.

Takes place a week or two after Adam's sisters leave:)

-

Over the course of an hour or two, Carlos had begun to feel himself slipping away. His body no longer felt like it was his,  and it left him idly tapping his finger against his knee as he stared vacantly at the coffee table in front of him where his colouring books lay, with half-finished pictures covering the wooden top. He wanted to come back. Wanted to feel real again, but it was so hard when his mind seemed so far away. 

He couldn’t even bring himself to react when Ryker sat down beside him, a larger hand reaching out to gently grasp his fingers. He could barely feel it. Barely noticed the way his knee gently brushed against the vampire’s, nor the hand that stroked his head right down to the base of his neck before settling there. He could hardly feel any of it. 

And when the human gently spoke to him, running his thumb along his pale knuckles, it registered as nothing more than a low hum among all the frantic thoughts swimming around inside his usually-empty head. 

He tried to speak. He tried so hard to voice what was going on, but no matter how hard he tried no words would come. He wanted to scream.

“It’s okay,” he faintly heard Ryker assure him, presumably having seen his mouth moving ever so slightly as he struggled to find his voice. The pressure on his neck and hands suddenly became a little tighter, a welcoming weight to his numb body. “I got you. You’re safe. I can’t always speak during my… episodes, either.” 

Carlos knew that. He’d seen this happen all too many times to Ryker throughout his teenage years in particular, and it never failed to upset him, though he never outwardly showed it. He didn’t want the people he cared for to hurt like he did. He didn’t want Ryker to hurt at all. It just didn’t seem fair that it had to be that way. 

“I’m not going anywhere,” the human murmured against his clothed shoulder, presumably having felt the way Carlos’ fingers tightened around his in a light squeeze. “You know, my therapist showed me this grounding technique that I use quite a bit nowadays. It involves… trying to identify the things around you. Things you can feel, hear, touch, see and smell. When you feel you can, could you try and tell me about those things?” 

It was so hard. So hard to find the words, even internally, and no matter how much he tried, he could not get his body to comply with what was asked of him. 

Until finally, after a few minutes of complete silence had passed where the human simply sat and held onto him, he found himself whispering the first word that came to his head. “You.” 

Ryker’s eyes returned to his face immediately. “Hm?” 

“I feel… you. Hol…” He sucked in a breath as his voice trailed off, fingers tightening around the human’s. After a small pause, he attempted to finish his sentence. “Holding my hand. C’n feel it on my neck, too. Feels… good.”

“That’s great, man. Well done. What else?”

He was so tired… “C’n smell the… the food you’re cooking. It smells horrible.” 

From out of the corner of his eye he saw Ryker’s lips curve upwards. “Yeah? I’m making dessert for Adam and I later on.” 

“Oh… I, uh… I think can hear the- the shower going? Adam… he’s singing something.”

It wasn’t until he shut his eyes as Ryker ran a hand through his hair that he realised how long it had been since he’d blinked. They felt dry and sore, but he was merely grateful to be noticing it at all. It’s passing. I’ll be okay. 

“I feel weird,” he whispered after a small pause. It only took a small amount of pressure on the shoulder furthest from Ryker for him to lean into the human’s embrace, and his hands loosely gripped at his shirt in an attempt to pull himself closer. “Why… why is this happening? Why do I feel like this?” 

“Sometimes it just… happens, I guess.” The human lifted his shoulders in a small shrug. “Maybe something triggering happened without you realising. Maybe you just couldn’t hold it off anymore. I know it can be terrifying but I promise, it doesn’t last forever. If it ever happens while you’re alone, that’s the one thing I need you to remember. You’ll feel very out of it and tired, but you’ll come back and it’ll be okay.” 

Squeezing his eyes shut, Carlos nodded and sucked in a sharp breath, face pressed up against Ryker’s shoulder as he took in everything he could. If nothing else, he was happy to feel Ryker’s sweater bunched up in his hands and the soft puffs of air as the human’s breath hit his collar. He was happy to hear the heater and the dishwasher and all the other machinery working quietly in the background around him. The birds chirping away outside the living room window, his own breathing. He was happy to hear it all. 

It wasn’t as if he hadn’t experienced this sort of thing in the past. In fact, he’d almost go so far as to call it a regular occurrence, at least before Ryker and Adam took him in. It was a coping mechanism - a way of keeping himself safe when all else failed. 

But he’d never recognised the way it affected him until now because up until now, he’d thought of it as a mercy. Something to save him from all the pain he had to endure day and day again. 

Now, it just seemed so cruel. He didn’t have anything to escape anymore, so why was it still happening? Why was he being forced to miss out on so many valuable moments of peace because his brain decided he was unsafe? 

He clung to Ryker even tighter, burying his entire face against the human’s neck. He guessed he’d just have to enjoy it more while he was here.

-

[finelinevogue]

Just wanted to say 2 things:

1)Love the fic where he proposed over a cup of tea…so sweet💗

2) we all know how H has asthma sometimes so…could u write something w/the reader helping him with an attack idk or during an interview/concert/family gathering do as u pls

A nice day

XOXO

firstly, thank you so much that’s so sweet of you <33 and secondly, um yes i would love to give this a go at writing for you! hope you enjoy;

Harry couldn’t breathe.

He was in a panic, completely terrified of the uncontrollable situation. He was having an asthma attack concocted with a panic attack and it was brutal.

“Shit,” Jeff whispered as he watched Harry breathe heavily and loudly on the floor. His friend was currently on his hands and knees trying to gasp for air, whilst dressed in his notorious Fine Line outfit.

It was the big night. The one night only at The Forum for the release of his new album Fine Line, hence the costume. He had been nervous all day, with shaking hands and a tendency to forget simple things. You had been with him all day; having a slow brunch together out in the Hollywood Hills and then just chilling around for the afternoon. You didn’t want to anything to strain his voice, so talking hadn’t been an option. That left you either to sleeping and cuddling, whilst watching a movie, or sex. Now you were all for sex, but Harry complained that he liked talking to you during it and so that got shut down pretty quickly. You didn’t forget what he whispered to your ear though just before you cuddled into watching Bambi;

“Keep your moans for later, you’ll be fucking needing them for what I have planned.”

But that was over two hours ago now. Harry had been whisked away to start getting ready, what with hair and makeup first. You’d left him to it, telling him you would just lounge around and wait for him. It was when he was getting into costume had you announced you were just going to go down the street to get some coffee from Dunkin’ - seeing as there were few of them back in England, where you most commonly lived with Harry. The problem was you hadn’t come back yet, and it was an hour later.

“Harry mate, you need to calm down.” Kid Harpoon told him carefully, kneeling down next to his good friend. Nothing was working though and Harry was too breathless to ask anyone for his inhaler.

It had started by thinking about how nervous he actually was for tonight. It was such a huge show and one of a kind too. He was playing his new album and it wasn’t even 24 hours old yet. There was so much pressure weighing him down that he couldn’t breathe - he was suffocating in the anxiety of his own mind and he couldn’t escape at all. Then because he was in so much of a panic his asthma hit him and added another reason to his breathlessness. It was finally made worst when he realised you weren’t by his side to help him. You weren’t there to quickly eliminate the asthma and focus on helping him overcome the panic attack, instead he had his mates surrounding him - crowding him - and they didn’t know the first thing to do.

“Sarah, where’s Y/N?” Mitch shouted, making Harry squint the thought away. He didn’t want to think about how something back might’ve happened or might be happening to you. Where were you? Sarah’s response did no better to help him.

“I don’t know.”

“Harry bud. Talk to us.” Jeff spoke, crouched down in front of him. Harry shook his head, tears running from his eyes as he began crying. The sobs were really harsh and embarrassing. The tears were heavy and mixed with snot running from his nose to pool on the floor below him. He was not doing well at all, coughing when the asthma choked him up. He couldn’t do this. He felt like he was in a small box and it was only getting smaller. He felt as if he were going to die. Genuinely.

“Does he look like he can talk, dickward.” Adam’s voice came from the other side of Harry, messing his head up even more. There was so many voices and he couldn’t focus on just one, but he didn’t want to. He wanted yours. He needed yours. You.

Whenever this has happened before he was always luckily in the comfort of his home, or the tour bus and always with you. So this was unfamiliar and terrifying. He was beginning to think you’d left him or you’d gotten seriously hurt, but he couldn’t do anything to help. He was stuck - paralysed to this position as his lungs collapsed in on themselves and his brain sped the same speed as a train. You were his comfort person and it was only ever you that he wanted in situations like these. Just you.

“Move out of my way. Move!” Harry thought he heard you and your voice, but he hated that his mind could be playing tricks on him in desperation for what, or whom, he truly wanted.

He felt someone crash on the floor in front of him and the almighty smell of lavender and soap hit him all at once. This time, he was glad to have someone sit so close to him, because it was you.

“Harry look at me, hey, hey. You’re okay. Look at me bubs.” You spoke calmly, trying not to sound panicked yourself, even if you were heavily worried. You watched as he looked up at you, eyes ridiculously red and puffy whilst his nose was dripping like a leaking tap. You wanted to rub his tears away and dab away the snot, but your main priority was on his breathing first. “Okay good, okay.”

Your hand went into your bag and picked out his inhaler. You shook it a few times, before putting it into Harry’s mouth. “On three, one, two, three…” Harry tried is best to breathe in and you pushed down on the canister. “Good, bubs, really good. Okay again, one, two, three…” You repeated and then a third time until you could tell that the wheezing of his asthma attack had disappeared.

“T-than…” Harry tried to mumble out, but couldnt because he was still in panic and his throat was so dry.

“Sshh you’re okay.” You turned to one of the crew members and asked for them to fetch you a bottle of water. You asked people to clear out of the room and leave you with Harry for a bit, knowing he wouldn’t settle in front of all these people. You sat on the floor, crossed legged, and brought Harry to lay his head in your lap with his body trailing behind. You offered him one of your hands to squeeze if he wanted to, which he appreciated, cupping both of his around yours. Your other hand laid to stroke through his gelled hair - that would no doubt have to be redone now.

Instead of going straight into talking to him, you sang his favourite lullaby to him in aid of calming him down. It always worked, or at least helped a little. You sang quietly, noticing the beat of his heart soften with every line you sung. You were by no means a professional singer like him, but he liked the way it was so imperfect and mellow. It calmed him to hear something so simple and so you. Whilst you sang the crew never came back with your requested water and you thanked them, before you were the only ones left in the room.

After you finished singing you noticed how calm Harry was, almost still - the complete opposite to how he’d been all of 10 minutes ago. It was amazing what the power of you could do to him.

“What colour are we feeling?” You and Harry had created your own little system by which you would let each other know how you’re feeling by a colour of the rainbow. You’d designated a meaning to all of them that only you two could understand and used them on the days when you weren’t feeling great, to help understand each other’s feelings better.

“The whole bloody rainbow.” Harry mumbled out and you passed the water around so he could take a few sips, to which he thanked you graciously for.

“Oi, you can’t have that as your answer.” It was a rule that you could only use one colour to some your most intense emotion in that moment, otherwise there was kind of no point to the system.

“But it’s true. I feel grey with confusion, blue with sadness, purple with frustration, yellow with fear and even light yellow with cowardice. Yet I feel pink with happiness and light red with love.”

“What about red red?” You teased, not being able to help yourself.

“What? Lust? Always, for you that is.” You leant down to kiss his head as he cracked a joke, showing you that your Harry was still there beneath all this worry.

“Tell me what the colours represent in real life.”

“Purple because I am frustrated that I had to have a panic attack right before the biggest show of my career. Yellow because I am frightened that nobody will like the album and it will be a complete fail of a night. Grey because I can’t choose one colour and focus on it. I.. I—”

You could tell he getting himself worked up again, so cut him short. “Bubs stop, you’re okay. Listen to me.” You tucked his hair behind his ear as if to open it up for him to hear better. “Don’t ever be frustrated with yourself for something like this. You are allowed to have moments of weakness; you wouldn’t be human if you didn’t. Did this compromise your show? No. Did this show off how strong and brave you are? Yes. That’s what is important, therefore we can swap purple for dark yellow because you were brave. Which means yellow can also turn to dark yellow because you are so brave for doing something so huge and so wonderful. People already love the album H. Can’t get enough of it. Everyone will sing along to every word, I can promise you that. Or at least I will. You are amazing, so never undersell yourself. That’s important to me and for you. Bubs, you are so amazing for what you’re doing here tonight and I couldn’t be prouder of you. Yes, a panic attack isn’t nice and it isn’t convenient, but it just helps show how much you care about tonight and it going a success. That must count for something.”

He didn’t say anything for a bit and that was okay. He was most likely getting his thoughts together and mentally preparing himself for the greatest night of his life. You bent your body over so you could hug him, since his back was to your front, and just give him a squeeze to reiterate how proud you are of him.

“Y/N.” Harry spoke quietly, as your body encased his. You embraced his warmth and inhaled the beautiful scent that he was wearing. He both smelt and looked phenomenal.

“Yes bubs.”

“You know I love you right?” Of course you did, but it still made your heart flutter as crazy as the first time he said it to when he tells you now.

“I do.”

“And you know you’re it for me right?”

“Well.. I—” You didn’t want to get too ahead of yourself.

“Because you are.” Harry turned himself around, making you sit up so he could move. He was lying with his head facing upwards now, face looking less red and puffy, and staring right into the souls of your eyes. He looked magical. Beautiful. He thought the same of you. “And,” he moved his fingers to take off his S ring from Gucci, that probably cost more than your annual salary, and place it onto your ring finger of your right hand, “I give you this as a promise to share my last name with you someday.”

Seeing the initial of his last name sat on the finger opposite to the one he claimed he would one day put two more rings on, brought you to tears. “Harry…” You didn’t know what to say, you were speechless. You had never expected for him to do something as monumental as this and had never experienced it before to know how to react.

Of course you’d always dreamt of marrying him and being his for eternity, but never thought of it possibly becoming your reality. Now, Harry was completely devoting himself to you and only you and it suddenly all felt like the dream was settling in place.

“I swear to you Y/N, i’ll love you until the next lifetime and i’ll find you again. I love you so much, I can’t even tell you how much because it is so infinite. You’re so kind and patient with me and you see me for me, not for the Harry Styles, just Harry. I’ll never let a day pass without you on my mind and I think it’s because you were always meant to be mine. My heart is yours.” He smiled once he noticed you were crying, moving one of his hands up to wipe the tears away.

“How do I top that?” You whispered to him, but mostly to yourself. Both of you laughed.

“Just tell me you love me.”

“I do. I do love you Harry.” You nodded and then he sealed your confirmation with a kiss to his lips. You rested your hand upon his cheek, placing the coolness of the S ring upon his cheekbone, as he placed his hand under your chin to guide you into the kiss. He tasted divine and you smiled knowing that you got to have him like this, taste him like this, for the rest of your beating hearts’ days.

[gladerwolfstarkimagines]

Imagine being the childhood friend of Zuko and him getting angry when Jet starts showing an interest in you.

Your POV

To be fair Zuko had held in his fury over being banished and hunted down by his sister quite well but apparently the journey to Ba Sing Sei was where he drew the line and decided to have a break down. Zuko spat out his food and you smirked to Iroh at his dramatics. “This is disgusting” he yelled throwing the bowl down before resting his head in his hands “I’m sick of living like this”. You went to remind him you only had one more day of this boat trip left until you reached Ba Sing Sei when someone else spoke. “Aren’t we all?” a smooth voice called and you and Iroh turned to see a boy watching you all. He approached Zuko and introduced himself as Jet the freedom fighter, whatever a freedom fighter was. Zuko didn’t return the gesture but you saw this boy, Jet, swept his eyes over the three of you and he smiled. He walked around to stand between you and Zuko and leant forwards “I heard the captain’s hoarding all the food and eating like a king, how would you like to help me liberate it?”. You and Zuko exchanged a look and you smiled knowing what Zuko’s response would be. “We’re in”.

You waited for night fall and then met Jet and his friend by the kitchen. Jet picked the lock easily with his swords and waved you all inside. Jet whistled as you all stared at the large kitchen amazed at it’s size. “You two take that side” he said to Zuko and his friends “we’ll take this side” he said and gestured to you. You nodded to Zuko and followed Jet to search the room. “So you or your friend got a name?” Jet asked as you searched. “Maybe” you shrugged opening a cupboard “but ours are nowhere near as colourful as Jet”. Jet smirked at your joke and walked closely past you to search the top shelf. “So if you won’t tell me your name how about where are you from? You and your friend seem close so I’m guessing you’ve known each other a while, since children?”. “Correct” you nodded “we’ve been friends since we were 5”. “Cute” Jet smirked “childhood sweethearts escaping to Ba Sing Sei to start a life together” he grinned mockingly. “We’re not childhood sweethearts” you snapped moving away and Jet followed you “ow really so you’re not a couple?”. “NO!” you said loudly before blushing as Jet laughed at your response. You hadn’t meant to be so adamant and you looked down embarrassed “I just meant that is not at all our situation, we’re just really good friends”. Jet nodded and stepped past you “that’s good to hear”. You watched him confused and he shot you a smile over his shoulder “for me that is”. You rolled your eyes but there was something about the boy that was very attractive. Jet smirked at your response and carried on searching. He opened a cupboard and grinned “look what I’ve found”.

You packed all the food up and snook it out of the kitchen easily. You distributed it out to the other families on the ship and Iroh smiled as you passed him a bowl “thank you y/n, you and Lee did a good thing”. “Try telling him that, he’s still pouting” you replied making Iroh laugh. You returned to get more for the other families but got distracted. “So your name’s y/n?” a familiar voice asked. Jet appeared beside you “I didn’t mean to eavesdrop of course but I couldn’t help it”. “Of course not” you smiled sweetly and Jet laughed “It’s a nice name, y/n, it matches you well”. You shot him a look but were slightly amused. It was honestly nice to have someone around that didn’t have the fire nation seriousness. You didn’t make it easy for Jet though and just ignored him. You opened the remaining boxes looking for more food but it was all gone. “Well I guess that’s the last of the food y/n” Jet said pointedly emphasising your name “how about we go for a walk? To celebrate?”. “Aren’t you hungry? We just liberated all that food”. Jet shrugged “I’d say you’re far more interesting to me right now so how about it...y/n” he said smirking and you smiled. You had a pretty boring time on Zuko’s exile so you shrugged “lead the way” and took off with Jet.

Zuko’s POV

Zuko made sure all the food had been dished out before he returned to his seat beside his uncle. He was just about to start eating when he noticed something was wrong....he couldn’t see you anywhere. Zuko looked around for you and blinked "uncle did you see where y/n went?". Iroh frowned when Jet’s friend spoke up. "She left with Jet" Smeller Bee replied and Zuko blinked "why? Are they running another job?". "No, Jet just works that quick" the girl shrugged before going back to her food. Zuko paused confused and craned his neck to see if he could see you. "You mean they're....on a date?". "Sure lets call it that" Smeller Bee agreed and Zuko frowned, when on earth did that happen and how did he miss it?

Panic seized Zuko and he began to wonder how on earth he’d missed this developing. He cursed himself for allowing it to happen right infront of his own eyes and wished things were different so he could’ve told you how he felt. The truth was Zuko had liked you for a while, more than a while actually. He’d liked you for almost as long as he could remember but he’d never told you for multiple reasons. Before when he was a prince he never told you because he was worried with him being the heir that would make you feel pressured to feel the same way and Zuko was 100% certain you didn’t like him. Then when he was banished and you decided to come with him he was amazed. He still remembered you marching your way onto his ship, demanding to come with you and how impressed and in love he felt. So he agreed to let you come but he couldn’t tell you he liked you for a different reason now. He was banished, what if he told you and you did like him? Then you’d get pulled down with him, tainted through association to him. You could return to the fire nation anytime and Zuko didn’t want to do anything to make you share the same fate as him and so he never told you how he felt and it appeared someone had beaten him to it.

When you hadn’t return before they retired to their cabin Zuko wanted to go out looking for you but Iroh told him you were just off on a date and not to ruin your fun. So Zuko didn’t search for you not wanting to *ruin your fun* but there was no way he could sleep not knowing where you were and so he waited up for you. As the time passed he got more agitated and decided if you weren’t back soon he would scour the ship for you no matter what Iroh said but just as suddenly as you’d disappeared you appeared. You opened the door to the cabin quietly and then jumped violently when you saw Zuko stood there in the dark. "Zuko...what are you doing?". "Making sure you got back okay, you took off with a stranger". You rolled your eyes "we’re on a boat Zuko, it’s not like i could be whisked off somewhere plus you know Jet!". "I know of him" Zuko said pointedly and you smirked "it’s sweet of you to worry but don’t worry i can handle boys like Jet" and you disappeared into your room. You patted Zuko as you passed and he sighed. Zuko didn’t like where this was going but he didn’t see how he could stop it. So ignoring the tingling sensation where you touched his arm he stomped into his room and laid face down in the bed.

Your POV

You arrived in Ba Sing Sei the next day and were eager to get off the boat but not as eager as Zuko. He practically dragged you and Iroh off the boat just so you could get stuck waiting in line for 4 hours. After your paperwork was finally approved you got into Ba Sing Sei and realised you had no idea where to go. Iroh claimed due to his old siege days he knew the city but as you stared at a map in the train station he frowned “hmmm it appears to have changed a bit” and Zuko cried out in anger. “You said you knew the city!”. “I did but that was over 10 years ago” Iroh explained “this might take some time”. You saw Zuko was getting ready to yell again and grabbed his arm “hey how about we go get some food while we wait?”. Zuko relaxed slightly and Iroh nodded “I’d love some tea”. “Of course” you smiled and tugged Zuko away. “You have to calm down” you told him softly “Iroh will work all this out we’ll be fine”. Zuko nodded “I know I’d just rather than was sooner rather than later”. “Why?” you asked “what’s your big rush?”. Zuko glanced around you as if looking for someone and then looked down “nothing I just want to get out of this place”. You frowned, something was clearly bothering your friend but you also knew Zuko well enough to know when he was in a mood like this there was no way he would tell you what was wrong. Zuko didn’t open up often and being agitated didn’t help that. So you tried to give him space and hoped he would confide in you when he felt comfortable enough. You spotted two different food carts and nudged his arm “you go get the tea, i’ll get us some food and meet you back by Iroh”. Zuko nodded and without a word walked away. You watched him with a worried frown before you walked towards the food truck. You joined the line, waiting for your turn to order when you heard a voice “so you made it in the city okay?”. You smiled to see Jet again and nodded “obviously” making Jet grin. It was your turn to order next and you stepped up and told the man what you wanted. When it came to paying you went to get the correct money but Jet stepped forwards. “Don’t worry I got this” he said placing some coins down on the counter. “You don’t have to” you started but Jet shook his head “no, I never got you anything on our date the other night so call this payback”. You rolled your eyes as you collected the food but you were blushing slightly. “I wouldn’t really call it a date, more of a walk”. “That’s true” Jet agreed “so that means I have to take you on a proper one”. “Ow really? You have to”? you asked and Jet nodded “for sure, custom all but demands it, I have to do it if I want to or not” Jet said shooting you a wide smirk. You laughed in shock and Jet smirk grew “it’s just a coincidence that I want to”. You smiled and went to tell Jet you’d think about it when Zuko appeared. “Y/n have you got the food?”. You looked down at the bag in your hands and nodded “yeah...”. “So are you heading back?” he asked glancing at Jet or more accurately glaring and you looked down. “You go ahead I’ll be right behind you”. Zuko narrowed his eyes and took the bag from your hands “Mushi is hungry so I’ll just take it”. “Z...Lee” you sighed but Zuko just shrugged “no it’s fine you stay and talk” and he stormed away. You frowned watching Zuko walk away and Jet laughed “that might’ve been my fault. You looked at him confused and Jet shrugged “your friend clearly has a problem with me”. You shook your head confused how Jet reached that conclusion "nonsense Lee likes you he’s just...moody, sometimes". Jet smirked "that i believe but no this seems specific to me and you". "Us?" you asked and Jet nodded "i saw him watching us before he came over, he clearly doesn’t like me being around you”. “I’m not sure...” you frowned and Jet smirked “y/n he’s watching us even now!”. You glanced at Zuko where he sat on the bench beside Iroh. Like Jet said Zuko was watching you and not just watching but openly glaring. He jumped when he saw you’d spotted him and looked away. "He’s just protective" you tried "we’ve been friends forever". Jet smirked "he's protective alright but not because you’re friend, I think the fact you’re just friends is where he has the problem". You realised what Jet meant and swallowed "i...no that can’t be true". Jet shrugged and laughed slightly "hey i’m not going to try and convince you, why would i when i’m interested in you?". You looked back at Jet and smiled "you are?". "Yeah, didn’t i make that obvious? Well maybe this will help" and Jet moved closer.

Zukos’s POV

As soon as you’d all arrived in Ba Sing Sei Zuko was thrilled for one sole reason. Jet. Ever since your date Zuko was anxious to make sure you never saw that boy ever again. So he rushed you and Iroh off the ship and was frustrated to see the long lines that awaited. However he never saw Jet once and so that helped ease his mind. Then when you finally did get through his uncle didn’t know where to go and he felt his temper rising again. Any moment now Jet could appear and tag along and...Zuko didn’t want to think about what could happen, how you and Jet could actually become a proper a couple. So Zuko was not in the best of moods and then the devil himself appeared. Zuko left your side for a second and who was there? Jet. Zuko was furious and so he tried to get you to come with him but you wanted to stay with Jet! Zuko couldn’t believe you were falling for this act and he stormed away from you both angry and upset.

He sat on the bench too angry to eat, just clutching his cup of tea staring at the back of Jet’s head. "Stop watching y/n nephew" Iroh commented and Zuko jumped "i’m not i was just....don’t you think it’s suspicious how much he’s around her?". Iroh shrugged "not considering what happened on the boat, it’s called dating". Zuko glared as Jet moved closer to you "but how do we know we can trust him? He could be anyone". You looked over suddenly and Zuko tore his eyes away "y/n should be careful, what if he hurts her?". "Well it’s ultimately y/n’s decision, we can't control her and while i think your concern for her is admirable perhaps you could work on your honesty?". Zuko paused "what are you trying to say uncle you know i hate riddles". "I’m saying that rather than chasing away any boy that comes near her maybe you should recognise your feelings for her and tell her". Zuko snorted "that’s preposterous! Y/n is just a good friend nothing more". Zuko knew that was a lie but he couldn’t have anyone working out his secret. Zuko was thinking of all the ways your friendship would be ruined when he glanced over and saw Jet kiss you. He breathed in sharply and clutched his cup so hard tea spilled over the sides burning him. He groaned in pain and threw the cup down. Iroh chucked passing him tissues "still going to pretend she's just a good friend to you?".

Your POV

“Here it is!” Iroh called throwing open the door “home sweet home”. Finally after days of waiting around and searching you’d found a home and jobs all thanks to Iroh. Zuko however wasn’t feeling so grateful. He glanced around the room and  gingerly dragged his hand across the table “it’s filthy, is everything in the earth kingdom filthy?”. Iroh shifted the plant pot in his hands and frowned “all it needs is a little cleaning and it will look as good as new. If we all chip in it won’t take long at all”. “Would you mind if we cleaned later please Iroh?” you asked and Zuko headed towards his room apparently done with this conversation. “Just I agreed to met Jet soon, we’re going to go explore the city a bit”. You didn’t notice but Zuko had stopped dead in his tracks. 

“Of course we can clean later better yet me and Zuko can get it all sorted for your return! Go and have fun you deserve it” Iroh smiled at you. You grinned and hugged him tightly “thank you!”. You separated and only then noticed Zuko was watching you. “What?” you asked “would you like to come too Zuko?”. “No!” he cried disgusted “why on earth would I want to hang around with you on your date”. You sighed and nodded “just asking”. “Are you two official now then?” Zuko asked and you shook your head “no”. “So that at the train station was just nothing?” Zuko asked and you frowned “why do you care?”. “I don’t care I just don’t understand why you’re wasting your time on him, you know he hates fire benders don’t you?" Zuko commented "if he knew you were one there’s no way he'd be sniffing around you so much". You rolled your eyes determined not to let Zuko ruin this for you. "Open your eyes Zuko everyone hates the fire nation and can you blame them? If anything Jet’s disdain for the fire nation makes him more attractive" and with a shake of your head you disappeared out the door. 

Zuko’s POV

The door shut behind you and Zuko gripped the table tighter. He stared at the door and breathed deeply to stop himself launching fire at it. “Nephew...” Iroh started and Zuko groaned “not now uncle!” and stormed into his room slamming the door.

Zuko flopped on his bed when he suddenly heard your voice. He walked to his open window and saw and Jet down below. Jet was smirking at you, standing way too close to you while you just looked up at him smiling. Zuko felt his stomach churn as how cocky Jet seemed with you. You started walking away and Zuko sighed, he went to turn away when suddenly Jet looked back. He looked at Zuko’s window, stared Zuko right in the eye and smiled. Zuko’s temper flipped and he glared. So Jet knew what he was doing then? Well Zuko wouldn’t let him get away with it. Zuko climbed out of the window and began to discreetly follow you.

Your POV

You and Jet explored the city all day and you were amazed. The city was huge in a way the fire nation city could never be. Endless rows of shops and houses all protected by the huge walls of Ba Sing Sei. After walking for as long as your feet could possibly manage, you and Jet retreated to a restaurant to refuel. You were quickly shown to a table and ordered immediately you were so hungry. “So what do you think of the city?” Jet asked and you smiled “it’s lovely, it feels like there’s still so much to see and we’ve been walking around all day!”. Jet nodded “well we can always walk around tomorrow....and the next day and the next....there’s nothing stopping us”. You nodded your head “good point” and Jet smiled before frowning. He focused on something behind you and leant forwards "Is that Lee?". You turned around and followed Jet’s gaze to a corner booth when a man held a menu infront of his face. “It can’t be he was back in the apartment....” you started when the man dropped his menu and you saw it was indeed Zuko. Zuko spotted you immediately and went pale. "Told you he didn’t like me and now he doesn’t trust me either" Jet commented and you sighed. “I’m so sorry can we rain check this? I have a friend to yell at".

You and Zuko argued the whole long way home. “I told you it was a coincidence!” Zuko yelled “why on earth would I be following you?”. “So you expect me to believe you were 40 minutes from home, in the same restaurant as me and Jet just by chance? You followed us Zuko and I want to know why. Do you hate Jet that much?”. “Well I don’t like him” Zuko agreed and you frowned “Jet said that! What has he ever done to you?”. “Nothing I....I just don’t like how you act around him?”. “Me? How do I act? you asked your temper rising and Zuko rolled his eyes. “I don’t know all embarrassed and quiet, you’ve never been shy in your life”. You paused ready to convince Zuko you were fine with Jet when he made it 100 times worse.

“Honestly it just seems a little fake and desperate” Zuko finished. He seemed to realise his mistake seconds later as you gasped loudly. "Desperate!" you yelled “you did not just call me that! How could you even say that?”. Zuko didn’t really see how he could back down so he carried on “all i’m saying is you’ve flung yourself at the first boy who looked at you despite the fact he’s clearly a criminal! Or did you forget how quickly he suggested breaking and entering to us? Who knows what other crimes he’s committed". "Have you forgotten we’re criminals too?" you hissed "you of all people should understand the law isn’t always black and white, fair and unfair, why are you so hard on jet? You liked him fine until i started seeing him". "Well maybe that’s why!" Zuko yelled "you shouldn't date him! He’s not good enough". "Not good enough?" you asked "Zuko i’m just having some fun, the most i’ve had since we’ve been on the run, it isn’t that serious". “Well you would see it that way you’ve been behaving immaturely ever since we got here" Zuko said coldly "throwing caution to the wind, fraternising with people who openly detest the fire nation. Did you ever wonder what danger your actions have put me and my uncle in? How you could've ruined us all with your recklessness? I think you have been away from the fire nation too long, you have clearly forgotten your honour". You gasped surprised "my honour?" you asked. Back home having a *superior* say something like that was an abrupt dismissal and you knew Zuko was aware of that. You swallowed and stared at Zuko "are you...does this mean you’re dismissing me from your company?". "Of course not! I would never leave you alone here but i do think you should consider your actions". "Are you ordering me to stop dating Jet?". "No i’d never order you..." Zuko said backtracking and you glared. "Good because i am not going to stop seeing him just because it worries you, so sorry your highness" you said bowing mockingly "but you’re going to have to get used to it" and you slammed the door.

Zuko POV

Zuko couldn’t believe the rubbish that had tumbled out of his mouth in your argument. He wanted to punch himself for somehow blaming you for all this. He knew he only had himself to blame but he’d attacked you instead. Zuko decided to apologise to you and was rehearsing it, trying to get it just right when Iroh appeared. “Zuko why aren’t you dressed we have a shift in 20 minutes!”. “It’s that time already?” Zuko asked, he’d been planning your apology for so long he’d lost track of time. “What have you been doing?” Iroh asked staring at the stacks of paper and Zuko covered them quickly “nothing just let me sort something and I’ll be ready to leave”. Iroh nodded and left. Zuko stared at his apology and sighed, it wasn’t right yet! He couldn’t find the right words to say what he needed to say and it to be perfect or else you might not forgive him. He tried rewording a line but then threw his pen down in frustration, he’d just have to finish this later. He quickly dressed in his uniform and followed Iroh to the tea shop.

The evening shift was usually dead but for some reason it was packed tonight. Zuko was rushed off his feet so much he didn’t even notice Jet when he walked in. It didn’t matter though Jet made his way straight to him. “You’re from the fire nation aren’t you?”. Jet said it loudly and Zuko froze as many people turned and stared. “No” Zuko said calmly but Jet smiled “figured you’d say that but I heard you admit it with your own words. How dare you sneak away as a refugee when you’re one of them”. “I’m not, we’re from the earth nation...” Zuko tried but Jet carried on “and if you’re fire nation then maybe you’re benders too....only one way to find out” and he drew his swords.  

Zuko grabbed a sword from one of the nearby customers sheath and met Jet’s first strike. Zuko worked on defending himself only, he wasn’t interested in hurting him but the boy wasn’t making it easy. Zuko managed to take the fight outside and tried distracting Jet. “What do you mean you heard me say it, were you spying on us?” Zuko asked and Jet nodded. “After you made such a big deal following me and y/n on our date I got suspicious. Being jealous was one thing but you were downright manic! So I followed you both home and heard y/n say how you were fugitives from the fire nation, fire benders seeking aid in Ba Sing Sei” Jet glared “you’re the reason we’re all here!”. Jet carried on attacking Zuko but he deflected them easily, Jet was too emotional, he was getting easier to anticipate. "I should’ve known all along though" Jet smirked suddenly "you hated me far too much for it just to be over a girl". Zuko glared "for the record i hate you completely and utterly because you are nowhere good enough to be around y/n, you’re not worth the mud under her shoes, she’s too good for you". Jet spat on the floor "she’s a fire bender, she’s worthless and i regret the energy i wasted on scum like her". Zuko tensed and tightened his grip on his sword. Now he was interested in attacking Jet, screw defence, he was going to make this kid pay. 

Your POV

You heard about the fight from passer-by. When they described a boy with brown hair and hook swords fighting a teashop worker with a burn on his face you know exactly who they were. You waited for Zuko and Iroh to arrive home and the second they walked through the door you exploded. "You got Jet arrested?" you cried and Zuko looked down. Iroh frowned "y/n it wasn’t like that...Jet was attacking Zuko!". "I’m sure it wasn’t unprovoked, was this part of your plan?" you asked Zuko. "I refused to obey your order to stop dating Jet and so you arrest him?". "You ordered her to what?" Iroh cried and Zuko sighed "i didn’t order her i just suggested she consider her honour and re-assess her choices". Iroh sighed “you two are so...” he took a deep breath and fixed Zuko with a piercing look. "Zuko this has gone far enough explain yourself to y/n and just maybe she'll forgive your awful behaviour, Y/n listen to what he has to say and afterwards then you can judge him but let him finish first, okay?" Iroh asked before storming from the room without waiting for a reply. 

You and Zuko were both speechless to hear Iroh raise his voice and so you blinked and turned to Zuko “I make no promises to wait until the end but go ahead”. Zuko was quiet for a while and you could tell he was searching for the words he needed. “Zuko...” you frowned and he sighed “I was jealous okay! That’s what all this was, I was jealous of you and Jet spending so much time together”. Zuko stopped talking and you rolled your eyes "are you kidding me? So i can’t have anyone else in my life? Only you can take up my time?". Zuko shook his head "i wasn’t jealous of Jet taking up your time, if he'd just wanted to be your friend i’d have been fine but he clearly didn’t and that’s why i was jealous" Zuko snapped "he wanted to be something more and you did too and that bothered me". “Because you didn’t like Jet?” you tried and Zuko shook his head “because I liked you...like you” he said awkwardly staring at the ground. You blinked and stared at the ground too in shock “wow I....I don’t know what to say, how long have you...”. Zuko sighed “I can’t remember when it started because it’s been so long" he said softly "but I remember the moment I noticed. It was when my mom left, i was miserable all the time apart from the times i was with you. When you were around, i was still hurting but it was less and the more you were around the less and less it got until i didn’t hurt any more. You healed my pain and that’s how i knew i liked you". Zuko finished and you blinked "but Zuko your mom left when we were 11 you’ve known you liked me all this time? Why didn’t you just tell me?". 

"Because it wasn’t just a small crush it was big y/n and it grew more and more every day and by the time you left the fire nation with me i didn’t just like you it was...more". You got chills as Zuko spoke but you felt unable to speak or move. "When you came with after i got banished i so wanted to tell you but you'd left the fire nation just to help me, i didn’t want to do anything to make you to throw your whole life away for me. I hoped that even if i couldn’t return to the fire nation one day you could and have the life you deserve. I planned to send you away once i got on my feet, and then again when i got my ship working well, and then again once we’d swept the four nations for the avatar. But every time i came close i delayed it because i was selfish. I didn’t want to drag you down with me but i couldn’t seem to let you go. I made a mess of everything and i’ve done it again. I was jealous of you and Jet but also too afraid to tell you and so i ended up hurting you" Zuko sighed "y/n i am so sorry for that, you’re the last person i meant to hurt but still because of my selfishness i harmed you and that will always taint my honour but i hope you can forgive me one day". Silence fell and Zuko looked up "y/n? Please say anything". You looked up as if in a daze and shook your head "You still haven’t asked me". Zuko paused "i did i just asked you to forgive me". "Not that" you said shaking your head again "you told me you liked me but didn’t ask me back" you chuckled. "You just assumed to know my answer without asking me, do you think you know me that well?" you asked staring at him. Zuko stuttered. "I....i'm sorry i didn’t mean to...wait does this mean? Do you...". You smiled "i can’t give an essay on the exact moment i knew like you just did but yes" you nodded "i like you Zuko". Zuko stared at you in shock "you...you do?" he asked grinning. You nodded again and Zuko laughed out loud hugging you tightly before he stopped "wait so all this agony watching you with jet, i could’ve avoided it all if i just told you this earlier?". "Yup" you nodded “Zuko, Jet was an angry cocky teenager who fights with swords...why do you think I liked him? He reminded me of you”.  Zuko eyes widened and he promptly smacked himself in the face "idiot!" he cried. You laughed pulling his hand away gently "it’s fine we know now right?". Zuko nodded "that’s true..." and he took your hand staring at you intensely. You blushed and buried your head in his chest to escape his gaze "stop looking st me like that". "I can’t help it" Zuko laughed holding onto you "i can’t believe someone like you would like me". You moved your head out of his chest to fix him with a look “are you kidding me? You’re amazing, i’m the one that’s shocked, you’re smart and funny and kind...”. Zuko turned an ever deeper shade of red and you grinned “did I make the angry fire bender blush?”. “Stop it” Zuko said “that’s an order” and he smiled to let you know he was joking. “Well I have an order for you” you said calmly. Zuko looked at you confused and you just smiled “kiss me”. Zuko obeyed immediately and you were caught off guard but it was a pleasant surprise. You weren’t sure if it was the long time waiting or the pent up tension these past few days but Zuko was very passionate and the kiss quickly became heated. 

You were enjoying it but were also very aware Iroh could walk back in any minute. “Zuko” you whispered “you’re very good at obeying orders but we’re in the middle of the living room”. Zuko immediately blushed and looked down “sorry I think I got carried away”. “Don’t be” you smiled “I liked it just Iroh will be back any minute and he’s the last person I’d want walking in on us”. Zuko nodded his head “that kiss was not as sweet and innocent as I planned it to be” Zuko frowned "i don’t know what came over me". You chuckled "it’s fine it was wonderful but a date first would be better next time". "Of course, how does tomorrow sound” Zuko asked blushing and you smiled leaning against his shoulder. “That sounds perfect”. Zuko wrapped his arms around you and rested his head on top of yours “Tomorrow night it is”. 

[daisies-and-buttercups]

“Love and War - Chapter III” - Luca Changretta x reader

Summary: You’ve picked a side, and now you have to deal with the aftermath. 

A/N: When I started this fic I had a decent outline what I wanted to happen but my ideas sorta ended with this part. However, I’m loving where this is going and I have some more ideas, so there probably will be a few more chapters 👀  Either way, I want to thank everyone that liked and commented, not only on this fic but in general, it always makes me so happy and it really means a lot 💕

Words: 3.4k

Chapter I Chapter II

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Your house was now used to your incessant walking, the wood singing along as you stood on it over and over, pacing from one room to the other, picking the phone up, sighing, falling on the bed for a short moment before starting the routine all over again. 

By morning you had slept for only a few hours, the ghost of Arthur visiting you in your dreams to blame you for his death, shaking you up until you woke up. The sun was now high, making you jump up to reach the phone. You weren’t backing down, you’d have no more deaths.

The phone rang consistently, bothering Ada enough to make her pick it up, ignoring Tommy’s order against it.  “What?” Her tone was annoyed, but she understood once she heard yours, nervous and desperate. “Ada? Ada! I need to know where they are. I’m not having them kill each other.”  “Oh darling, I… I can’t. Tommy was adamant about not letting you know.” Her tone was now softer, having missed your conversations and feeling the desperation in your voice. “Ada, please. I covered you when you and Freddie-“ “Is this a me-and-Freddie situation?” “What?” “Is he your Freddie?”  Your fingers tapped on the table, looking up at the flowers that had started to wither. You had pressed the nicest ones in a book, but couldn’t bring yourself to throw the rest away and, even if dried out, they still somehow looked good, so you kept them.  Was he your Freddie? He definitely felt like what Ada had described all those years ago, the feelings she described so vividly were now also your own. You hadn’t spent long enough with him to truly know, but you didn’t want him to die before you had the chance to figure it out. “I don’t know, Ada. I think so.”  Her sigh was the only sign, along with your impatient tapping, that time was still flowing.  “The distillery. Tommy left not too long ago, so I’d rush there.”  You groaned and ran to get your shoes, running back to the phone to thank her. “You didn’t hear it from me, you hear me! Not from me!” She repeated over and over, hoping that you wouldn’t be the victim of the day. She really didn’t want to lose a friend. 

The roads were deserted as you ran past the first buildings, spotting the distillery in the distance.  You turned the corner, trying not to run the final meters that separated you from whatever was going on inside, thinking it wise to listen to what was happening before jumping into a situation you might not know how to handle, but stopped dead in your tracks. Someone stood outside the door, taking a few steps, listening, scratching his head and checking his gun. Someone that looked a lot like… “Arthur?”  He turned and faced you, smiling but quickly placing a finger over his lips, letting you know to be quiet. You walked fast again, walking over to him and crashing against his chest, pulling him in a quick hug, but freezing when you realised why he was out here. He wasn’t alone, but the men stayed back, leaving you the space to talk, holding their guns in clear sight nonetheless.  “How are you doing, love?” He whispered. “You’re… you’re meant to be dead.” “Hope it’s not too disappointing to see me still standing, dear” he laughed softly, placing a hand on your shoulder, “I’d suggest leaving now, it ain’t gonna be pretty.” he motioned to the gun, glancing inside while focusing for a moment on the voices that could faintly be heard. You stood still, listening along and hearing Luca speak, then the sound of banging and glass breaking, the clear sound of a fight.  It was the vortex of emotions swirling in your steps that kept you there, trying to make sense of the situation. Your image of Luca had been shifted because of Arthur’s death, only to now find him standing there, armed, ready for a fight. And you knew who the bullets in his barrel were for. “Ah, that’s my cue. See ya, love.”  You weren’t sure if it was the sound of your heartbeat or of your footsteps, but before he had time to react you slipped past him, holding your stare straight ahead of you, the colour of blood painting your thoughts. It was rage, that rage that had never been strong, that always came when you weren’t part of Tommy’s plans. When you had to stay behind. When it was better if you didn’t know. You wasted all your tears on a man that wasn’t dead, not an ounce of regret in anybody’s mind when you walked in. 

The first thing you saw was Tommy’s expression drop when his eyes landed on you, the only person that could’ve complicated this further. Then you saw Luca.  His face wasn’t the same as when you last saw it. Gashes decorated it, his eye was swollen and his lips hung open, showing you the damage dealt in its full glory. It was a gruesome show, only made worse by the stares that you received for being there.  Tommy was holding him up when you walked in, the faint glimmer of surprise passing through his eyes, expecting Arthur to walk in, not you. But to see you walk over  to the bloodied man… maybe that’s what made him truly speechless. When you reached Luca you stopped, looking at his injuries for only a second before hearing Arthur cock his gun.  “Get away from him, sweetheart. I told you to leave.”  You turned slowly, first meeting Thomas’ cold stare and then facing the gun that was pointed at you, crossing your arms in defiance. “I’m not going anywhere, Arthur. Shoot me, I’m not leaving.”  Luca called your name, pulling you weakly away, trying to get you to stand behind him. He wouldn’t have you get killed over his life. But you didn’t move, asserting your position once more in front of the man, planting your feet harshly against the ground.  You saw Arthur’s eyes wander between you and Tommy, unsure as to what to do. You all waited for the next move, the only sound being Luca’s demands for you to leave as he clung to you, trying to get you to leave. “Go.”  Tommy spoke through gritted teeth, his eyes fixed on your hand, the one that gripped on to Luca’s. He couldn’t watch you, so worried for the life of that man. A person he had considered a friend, a helper, family, even, now standing on the enemy’s side.  You had been Luca’s only request. He didn’t care about the rest, but he wanted you to leave with him, if that was what you desired, and he didn’t want anyone trying to stop you. He wanted you, and that made Tommy’s blood boil, but he played his part, knowing full well that he had the upper hand. He knew that there's no leaving, not for you and not for him. There was nothing to go back to either way. Luca was never going to leave alive in Tommy’s eyes, but when you crossed the threshold the illusion shattered. The way you looked at him made it clear that you’d be willing to risk more than your life for the Italian. He’d been a fool, maybe, but there had always been something about your ways. He knew you, cared for you, and underestimated you all at the same time. In his eyes you’d always follow him like a lost puppy, just like Arthur did, but you were strong enough to break from his spell and get away. “Now!” he shouted, walking over to Arthur and ripping his gun out of his hands, aiming it at you, allowing his emotions to leave him, falling back into his new reality. You were an enemy now too, and he wouldn’t hesitate to shoot.  A small flinch and the beginning of a tear was all that you allowed him to see before you moved, cringing at the sound of Luca grunting in pain at your movement, trying to pull him up somewhat gently, but not allowing him to see that, no matter where you stood now, this still hurt. 

Feeling your heart beat in your chest, you focused on the gun aimed at you for a moment, stopping at the door to look each one of them in the eyes. Tommy’s gaze didn’t falter, menacing and cold, while Arthur couldn’t look at you, moving away from where you stood, realising the side you chose didn’t match his own.  You had often sat with Arthur, the two of you ignored on many occasions and gave you an extra reason to bond, and he cared deeply for you, but he wouldn’t go against Tommy, not even to look at you to show you that he somehow wasn’t mad, just surprised and disappointed at your choice. 

While you walked out of the door, no man followed you, making it clear that Luca’s men were no longer his, Matteo standing still behind you, not daring to look up and meet Luca’s eyes, clutching his rifle tightly against his chest.   “I should be the hero coming to save you, not vice versa.”  “Yeah, well, maybe next time.” You muttered, struggling to walk while carrying most of his body weight.  You weren’t sure what other damage he had apart from his face, but his limping and laboured breathing suggested that other parts of his body had been wounded too. He pretended to be fine, taking steady steps before falling back onto you with a grunt, whispering a mix of Italian swear words and apologies. 

The moment you crossed the threshold of your house you walked him over to the sofa, finding the phone and calling the doctor before gathering anything useful that you could find, cursing at yourself for not being more organised.  “You could’ve died.” he spoke, his voice coarse as you made your way back to him with the various creams. “You’re a goddamn fool.” You muttered, dabbing his wounds, making him flinch and hiss in pain.  “Gentle, love.” He tried to joke, moving away from you, only to stop when the pain between his ribs got worse.  “I wouldn’t have to be gentle if you weren’t such an idiot.” You answered back, scoffing but softening your touches nonetheless. The doctor was going to be here soon, so you decided to focus on the various cuts, moving as gently as you could, wiping away the blood and removing any piece of glass still stuck in his skin.  “Never do that again.” He spoke seriously now, moving ever so slightly while you took care of him, lifting his hand to wipe some of his blood that had gotten on your cheek.  “Never do what again, save your ass?”  “Stand between me and a gun.” It had been a bold move, trusting your gut, knowing that Arthur wouldn’t shoot at you, even when your brain was cursing at you to get out of the way, but you weren’t sure if that made all the difference. You hadn’t thought about it, you just felt the need to stand in front of him, to shield him, whatever the outcome.  “Then next time be on the right end of it.”  Your movements were stopped by his hand gripping yours, holding the blood-stained rag still, some of the drops dripping down your arms, colouring your skin with faint red lines. “That was my intention and always has been, I can assure you, but in no circumstance I want you to take a bullet for me.” His eyes wandered, looking at you while you took care of him. He couldn’t have hoped for a better sight, yet something about the scene before him tugged at something deep within him. The fear of what he thought he could never achieve being right in front of him, maybe.  “Turns out I am here to clean up your wounds in the end, eh?” you joked, trying to wipe the serious look off his face along with all the blood.  “Y’ won’t want to kiss me anymore, with all these cuts. Too many scars.” “Who said I ever wanted to kiss you in the first place?” It was a harmless joke, proved for good measure by the soft kiss you placed on his lips, the meeting of your tongues enticed by both of your lips curving into a soft smile, the feeling of finally belonging somewhere filling your chest. “You never seemed to mind, dear.”  “I’ll always want to kiss you.” You added, letting the truth run free. He laughed, his eyes crinkling as he smiled, gently caressing your face with his fingertips, tracing invisible lines.  “No good came from kissing this old man, sweetheart. You-“ his words were interrupted by the timid knock on the door. He watched as you rose, making your way to the door, welcoming the doctor in and gesturing towards Luca, quickly explaining that you tended his external wounds and needed some help at assessing the internal ones. He looked away, nodding at the annoyance of being interrupted. 

“He’s got a broken rib. It will take him up to two months to fully recover, but in a week or two the pain should lessen. He’s also running a low fever. Everything seems under control, but if it rises you’ll have to monitor his condition.” The small man talked quietly, as if he didn’t want Luca to hear. Timid steps made him grow closer to the exit with each word he spoke, evidently eager to leave. “Thank you, doctor.”  He nodded, turning to walk away, stopping just before the door to glance behind him, looking at Luca, now standing tall behind you. “Is there a problem?” You asked, feeling the tension rise. You knew that Tommy had men all over town, but you didn’t want to believe that the doctor that had been helping you for years might be close to turning on you.  “They told me to deliver a message.”  A message. Through a man, rather than a phone call. Was that too personal for him now? They had no issue telling you about Arthur’s supposed death by phone, but now that he was threatening you, he used someone else’s voice.  “Have they, now?” Luca’s words were raspy, still out of breath from the movement and the pain, but that didn’t make him any less intimidating in the doctor’s eyes.  He was shorter than both of you, a small and round man, and, even with a broken rib and in pain, he knew Luca could easily overpower him if he so wished.  “They… Mr. Shelby said that you’ve got to leave. You’ve got until tomorrow. If you’re not-“ he took a deep breath, trying to steady his trembling voice, “if you’re not on the last ship out of here they’d…” he trailed on, not wanting to anger either of you. A quick glance at you and he nodded, rushing out of the door, closing it behind him in a haste, eager to get away. You turned, letting out an exasperated sigh while Luca stood behind you, considering the doctor’s words. He hadn’t looked at you, only at him, which meant that it was very likely that their appreciation for you over the years had counted for something. They wouldn’t kill you.  “I’ll pack my bags.” It wasn’t a question, there was no doubt that you’d follow him. Life with the Shelby’s had been a blessing, some of the best years of your life, but you doubted Tommy would welcome you back, at least not so soon. There was nothing left for you here, not in the land of Thomas Shelby.  “He’s not after you.” he tried to stop you from grabbing the bag, grabbing a hold of your hand as he spoke, holding you in place. You moved to face him, studying his expression. A lot of Luca came from his eyes, using his words to charm and threaten and keeping his secrets hidden deep inside. “But he’s after you.” “You’ve got a life here.”  “I had a life here.” you answered, feeling the electricity of a new start in the air. “If I stayed I’d have to find a job, and not only are most businesses owned by the Blinders, but those that aren’t wouldn’t welcome someone that got away from them on bad terms. They’re feared, and I’d just make whoever wanted me a target. I made a choice, Luca, and you’re not getting rid of me so easily.” you laughed, moving closer to him and caressing his cheek, gently, avoiding the small cuts. “I get to start over.” He smiled at your words, wishing he had your way of seeing things, the simpler ones, his eyes now trained to see the thousands of possibilities and dangers that his way of life offered him so easily, yet ignoring the other possibilities, the ones that weren’t deadly. You complemented each other, lacking what the other was strongest in. And while he looked at you, all he saw was the image of the wife he never could’ve dreamed of having, hoping that one day you’d be just that. He smiled again at the thought, watching you as you walked back to your bed, opening your bag to pack your belongings.  “America?” you asked, choosing the limited clothes you could bring. You could buy more once you arrived there, but you were sentimental and some had to come; the dress you wore on your first day in Small Heath, the one you had on when you saw Ada’s kid for the first time, and the few dresses you wore with Luca. You placed them all neatly, feeling the soft fabric under your hands, picking a few other items to fill the bag. A photograph of you, Polly and Ada, all smiling proud, a pearl necklace that made you feel like you could rule the world, along with a few memories of your years in England. He nodded, still deep in thought. “Will Matteo be joining us later on?” “Matteo’s with the Blinders now.” “Is he?” you smiled at him, knowing that the truth wasn’t that simple, and when he looked at you, you knew you were right. The mafia didn’t work with money, but with honour. It was a different world from Tommy’s, and Matteo wasn’t going to bail on the Changretta family just for some extra money. “There’s only two ships leaving, one tonight and one tomorrow.” He watched you from the mirror, his fingers lightly dragging over his wounds while he was deep in thought. “They’ll know where to find us.” you spoke the implication out loud, giving you the time to think of a solution. “So what if we don’t go to America?” He stood, his eyes closing at the brusk movements, still not used to the level of care he needed to take when he moved, making his way to the small table where a bottle of wine had been discarded the night before, half of its contents still in it, two glasses lined up next to it but only one used.  “My family needs me.” “Yeah, alive.” “The Shelby’s have fucked with the business, I’ve got to fix their deeds.”  “But you can’t fix anything if they kill us tomorrow.” he opened his mouth, ready to protest, but you continued “I’m talking about one extra day, one stop before heading to America.”  The wine was sweet, calming his nerves in the slightest of ways. “What do you suggest?”  “Call your family, fill them in on what they haven’t figured out on their own. Then we pack our things, spend the night in each other's arms and when we wake up, we leave. The ship sets sail tomorrow at 9am.”  “You’ve planned this.” You nodded, looking at the man that stood before you with a pleased smile. You had spent enough time alone with your thoughts to come up with more than one plan, and this one was your favourite. A simple exit. You picked up the papers, the tickets for your journey, that had been abandoned on the desk, handing them to him with a wink.  “Italy. You’ve got family over there too, right? I’m sure you’ll be able to secure us a place to sleep for the night, and if not I guess we’ll just have to sleep under the stars.” You raised your hand dramatically, moving your fingers around an imaginary constellation. “Then we leave for America. One day, a small change in plan, and we’ll have the Shelby’s waiting for us here. Wrong place, wrong time, but not for us. And once we arrive, you’ll have all the time to fix what needs to be fixed. Deal?”  He took a second to think about it, pursing his lips in thought, watching as you waited patiently, switching your weight from one leg to the other. Then he nodded, your hands lifting in victory as you approached him, softly placing your arms on his shoulders.

“We have a deal.” 

[la-fille-en-aiguilles]

The Only Living Thing

Billy Russo x Female Reader

Warnings: Language.

Synopsis: You’ve been friends with BIlly Russo for as long as you can remember. Then, on that one night in New York, feelings get mixed up with the liquor that burns and everything spins out of control. So much for being the only living thing that Billy Russo has ever cared about... Or is it?  A/N: This just sort of happened. I may be writing more if you guys want, I think I can definitely take this further? I have a pretty hectic schedule but I might make it happen x

Song : Adam French - The Only Living Thing

New York, November 2019. 
 

Breathtaking. 


You are breathtaking, like the most beautiful view from atop the mountain or his biggest fear coming alive under his stare. 
 You’re a mix of excitement and terror, and you are enchanting enough to keep him on the tips of his toes, second-guessing everything, his every decision and every word... 

You are meant to leave him wanting more.

The night New York has never looked so good on a woman before.

Billy’s vision goes blurry for a second, his stomach hot and heavy.

You are glowing.

You radiate a kind of a warm sepia glow, so beautiful and genuine and so fucking effortlessy...

Smooth and unapologetic.
 


Messy strands of hair framing your face, your blushing cheeks, as you laugh your heart out, throwing your head back. Your pearl teeth flash in the dimness of the bar. Your thin black tights are torn at the thighs, your lips are red and irritated as you sink your teeth in, again and again.

Your laugh is flamboyant, intoxicating. Raw.

You are something else...

When suddenly, you see him, your black eyelashes fluttering as you wink at him. Billy’s chest feels too wide, too fragile and too hot. Do you see those unspoken words shining out of his drunken eyes?

When you make your way to him through the crowd, he’s paralyzed, afraid to move forward, afraid to scare you off, but mostly, afraid to let everyone see how desperate he is for your touch.

This is wrong, so fucking wrong, but why in hell when you come over, throwing your elegant arms around his neck, your cute perky nose touching his chest - it feels so. fucking. right?! Like you were custom-made for each other?...

Before he can stop himself, he slides an arm around your waist. You say something to him, something funny, for everyone around him snorts and chuckles, but his mind, his entire world - suddenly comes down to that spot just below his cheekbone where you plant a soft peck of your velvet pouty lips.

“Those twenty bucks we bet on? I win,” you half laugh, half exhale in his ear, your lips brushing against the lobe. “Madani is fucking obsessed with you”.

“Ah,” Billy smiles, both of his hands snaking around your waist now as he looks down at you.

...And I am fucking obsessed with us.

“And you just enjoy rubbing us - this! in her face right now, aren’t you?” he mutters instead, his temples buzzing with the gin and tonic he has been downing all night. 

God, he hopes you’re too buzzed to have noticed his slip of fucking epic proportions.

He promised himself he wouldn’t drink, not with you still around - because whatever it was that he felt for you mixed with liquid that burned equaled a very bad outcome. 

He might be well into the tipsy territory by now but Billy isn’t delusional. The chances that you would go back to his place or even kiss him back are entirely too slim.

Because friends don’t do friends.

Friends might as well become a new f-word for all Billy cares at this point.

When you throw your head back in an explosive laugh, Billy’s distracted. He gets an extensive view of your elegant neck, your delicate collarbones, but mostly - of the swell of your mouthwatering breasts, as your black silk top tightens over them. 

Fuuuuck him.

“Fuck you, Russo”, you echo his thoughts somehow as you wink at him once you’ve restored your breath, not stepping away from his embrace, however, letting him keep his hands on you. 

It’s always like this between the two of you. You’ve known each other for a while now - four, five years? After Billy bumped into you at a brunch at Liebermans’ and spilled his frappuccino all over your gorgeous rack. He wasn’t even going to come - but boy, was he glad he did - even though you wasted no time opening that sassy mouth of yours and verbally eviscerating him.

This wasn’t a love at first sight. 
 For you, at least.

“At least buy me a dinner first,” Billy barely manages, his vision a tad blurry.

He notices you giving him an unimpressed stare. Feeling stupid all at once, Billy blinks quickly and lets go of your waist...

Only to tremble on his feet and almost fall on his face.

“Heyyy,” he registers your breath on his cheek before he hears what you’re saying, your small hands holding him in place. Your touch burns through the fabric of his button down shirt as your palms slide up his sides to his shoulders. “You okay there, Russo?”

Billy squirms, chomping on his bottom lip as he grabs you by your elbows.

‘’M fine”, he says quietly, but doesn’t let go. When he lowers his stare to meet your eyes, he almost wants to cry. There’s concern in their bottomless depths, worry for him and desire to make it all better. He just wishes there was more heat there, and less of that f-word that ends with -riends.

“You don’t look fine, lover,” you retort, wiggling and pushing and pulling onto him until you’re snug under his arms and carrying his dead weight to the exit. “Let’s go get some fresh air, come on.”

Billy utters something half-heartedly, his head feeling like it’s filled with cotton. He didn’t even drink that much, as least he doesn’t think so. Must be your fucking intoxicating perfume, sweet but voluptuous and so fucking tempting...

Pure sin. 


Even drunk out of his fucking mind, he’s still the envy of every guy at that bar because he’s with a stunning, breathtaking, prettiest woman in the whole damn world that is you.

“If you were able to stand right now, that line might have gotten you laid,” you inform him with a laugh, basically carrying him to the exit on your shoulders.

Through the drunken haze, Billy realises he might have spoken those words out loud, but the terror is quickly replaced by...

“Are you shitting me?” He slurs, trying to stay vertical. “Are you saying you want me?”

By the time the words escape his mouth, you have pushed the exit door wide open and nudged him to step out. Losing his balance, Billy crashes into Frank, Stein and Madani, smoking outside.
 Dina’s eyes flash mischievously as you step out of the bar, immediately throwing your arms around Billy protectively, helping him to steady himself.

“Oh, so it’s common knowledge now, then?” Dina ventures, licking her lips bloodthirstily, her eyes never quitting yours. “You’ve finally admitted you want to drag that fine Caspian ass in your bed?”

The running joke aimed at Billy looking like a Disney prince feels out of place; all conversation is silenced out as you narrow your eyes at Madani, your grip around Billy’s waist instantly becoming tighter. Frank clears his throat in an attempt to defuse the awkwardness, but doesn’t intervene.

And Billy is... well, happy. Over the moon, actually, and still drunk off his ass.

Apparently, you have been wanting to drag his ass into your bed for a while now!

That does mean you see him more than a friend, right? 

What if... What if all this time you were just as hung up on him as he was on you, but neither of you had the balls to say anything?

In his picture perfect drunken world, Madani makes sense and his heart sings.

You want him.

If it were a Disney cartoon, animals would be singing and dancing around praising your couple. 

Frankie would have probably made a sick unicorn.

“Oh Dina”, suddenly your voice cuts right through Billy’s happy fantasy, and there’s way too much sass in that voice for it to belong to a Disney princess. “Just because your friend Sam here and your own desperate fan-girling ass carry a boner for some fucked up teenage fantasy that involves boinking Prince Caspian, doesn’t mean all women have that same one-track mind. Some of us can actually look past a dick and see a friend. So why don’t you lay off that Cosmopolitan and fuck off, vodka-cranberry sure ain’t making you brighter”.

Billy frowns, deep lines creasing his forehead.

Frank snorts with laughter, not even bothering to conceal his reaction. 
 
 You hold Dina’s hateful stare.

“Whatever, bitch” the latter one finally utters, throwing her cigarette away. “I never fucking liked you. Maybe after this your little fanboy here will see you for what you really are - a fucking coward and a tosser”, Billy’s stares at her in disbelief, his mind still foggy. Madani’s dark eyes flash dangerously in his direction. “Of all women, Russo... Karma is a bitch, isn’t she? Your little princess here only loves herself, lover. Get out while you fucking can”.

Smashing her shoulder into yours, Madani goes back into the bar, leaving equally dreary and awkward silence behind.

“What the fuck was that all about?” Frank isn’t laughing anymore as he folds his hands on his chest, giving you a questioning eye. 

You roll your eyes dismissively. 

“Well, she’s obviously shit-faced,” you shrug, sliding your hands off of Billy. “What, you’re surprised she hates me?”

It’s a whole another world there, in Billy’s head. Have you just distanced yourself from him after what Madani said? What, you thought he’s so drunk he wouldn’t fucking notice?

“...so just because I have basic restraint and actually appreciate a man as a friend, I’m a damaged bitch with a twisted sense of humour? Look, I don’t know, Frank”, you rub your eyes tiredly with the back of your hand.

“I do,” Billy suddenly chimes in hoarsely, his eyes bloodshot and dark, darker than usual, as they narrow at you. “Know. I know.” Billy stutters, then takes a deep breath. “That’s all I am to you then, sweetheart? A friend?”

Billy wavers a bit as he speaks, but his words are deadly. Your eyes pop wide open at his words, like Russo has just grown a penis on his forehead. Frank’s mouth forms a silent O.

And just like that, the tension is back.

“Well, of course you are my friend,” you say slowly, stretching out your hand in an attempt to grasp Billy’s wrist. Your eyes are searching his face, but he’s locked, like a goddamn prison cell. “You’re my friend and I love you”.

Wrong answer, if Billy’s expression is anything to judge by as he recoils  from your touch. His face is a mix of disappointment and anger, his lips a thin line as he turns away.

“Fucking idiot,” he mutters under his breath as he turns on his heels and makes a tentative step towards the bar. Only his body is ruled by gin and whatever shit he chased it with, so his feet get mixed up together. Billy trips over his own shoes. 

“Hey, easy there, tiger”, Frank, who’s been standing closer, grips Billy by his arm to help him keep his balance. “What’s gotten into you, man?”

Billy chuckles, throwing his head back, and that has got to be the most bitter sound you have ever heard. You shudder involuntary, watching Russo like a hawk.

“I would have given you the fucking world, you know that?” Billy stares you dead in the eye, grabbing the door handle in front of him. “You just keep fucking with my head like a fucking sadist, and I live by the shit you give me!” you blanch as Billy goes on with the program, hurt dripping from his mouth. “Must have always thought that should be some spectacular pussy you’ve been packing, totally worth all your shit”.

“Bill!” Frank calls him out sharply, his expression terrified. 

But the damage is done. 


Your eyes are brimming with tears, but you stay silent, unblinking. Your chest seems a little caved-in, but you hold your chin high as your trembling lips start to move.

“Fuck you, Russo”, you spit, “Fuck you, friend”.

The next thing he knows, Billy explodes in a fit of bitter laughter - even though all he wants to do is fucking cry.

This just goes to fucking show there’s no such thing as Disney fairytale in real life, is there?

“Oh don’t worry, friend, somebody will,” he promises you, swinging the door to the bar wide open. “Gonna go help Madani fulfil her teenage fantasy. While you can stay here, think about us fucking like rabbits and feel better about yourself”.

With those words thrown over his shoulder, he steps into the crowded bar, the sound of the door shutting behind him sounding final. 

Plot twist. Curtain falls.

Frank can’t even venture a look at you - he doesn’t even hear you breathing.

“He’s just piss off drunk, that’s it. He doesn’t mean it,” Castle attempts to do some damage control, even though he knows that that ship has most definitely sailed.

“Thanks, Frank,” he hears you say quietly, and as he raises his eyes, he catches the sight of you wiping your cheeks quickly.

You inhale slowly, closing your eyes and fisting your hands.

“Tell Karen and the guys I wasn’t feeling so hot, okay?” you ask, and there’s definitely pleading in your voice.

You never plead.

Before Frank can ever mutter anything about Karen having his head if he lets you walk away at night all alone, you wave at him dismissively. 

“I’ll see you”, you say as you collect your hair in a ponytail and walk off, your silhouette soon lost in the bustling New York night.

[sluttyminghao]

stress relief | b.sk

w.c: ~2k request: Idk if you’re still taking requests, but if you are can you do a Seungkwan request where y’all are fucking and you moan another members name, and he thinks it’s because you want that member or you’re cheating but in really it’s because that member walked in room or opened that door and left or sein thing. Thanks! Also. You’re a really good writer and I always look forward to your posts!!! genre: smut pairing: seungkwan x reader warnings: switch!seungkwan, mingyu walks in, angry seungkwan, rough sex a/n: thank u so much for liking my posts! I hope that you like this! :)

[Kwannie] 8:45pm: Hey babe do you think you could come over? I have a bit of a problem...

The text came to you by surprise that Wednesday evening while you were trying to complete an assignment for one of your classes. While he couldn’t see your voice crinkle in concern, you immediately texted him back, asking if he was okay and how soon he wanted you to come over.

His response came before you could even turn your phone off and put it back on your desk, a text that was punctuated with weird emojis as well as the words “now please”, which made you worry even more. You sighed and began packing up your assignment, knowing you could just do it in the morning before the class began.

[You] 8:54pm: I’m just heading over now, I’ll be over soon :)

He sent a smiley face back just as you hopped in your car and turned the ignition on. Your mind wandered to what his problem could possibly be, it could really be anything from him having a small paper cut on his finger, to one of his members having an argument with him and he wanted to be cheered up, or he was needy.

It didn’t take long until you reached his dorm room he shared with a few of his band mates. Upon knocking lightly on the door, Vernon swung the door open, breaking out into a huge grin upon seeing your face. “Y/N! We weren't expecting to see you tonight, is everything okay?” He asked, shuffling aside so you could step in and toe off your shoes.

“Seungkwan text me and asked me to come over, do you know where he is?” you questioned, Vernon tilting his head in the direction of Seungkwan’s room. He gave you a small smile just as you walked past him, but grabbed your wrist before you could walk any further. You spun back around with a questioning look on your face, when Vernon opened his mouth to speak. “He’s been a little...off today? I’m not sure why but...just be careful” he spoke slowly before letting your wrist go.

Now you were even more concerned for your boyfriend with Vernon’s words hanging around in your mind, wondering what could have put him in such a foul mood that he had been off all day. You stood in front of Seungkwan’s closed bedroom door, taking a few deep breaths and mentally preparing yourself for what may lay behind the door. You knocked softly on the wood, and the door instantly opened.

Seungkwan looked like he had been through hell and back. His brown hair was sticking up in every direction, bags under his eyes and hadn't even bothered to put a shirt on. Your eyes raked down his body, taking in his lightly toned body and soft skin. Before you could even open your mouth to say a word to him, he had pulled you into his room and shut the door. 

You flipped around to face him once you had gotten your surroundings, trying to distinguish what his problem was. “Seungkwan...are you okay?” you spoke, moving towards him to comb your fingers through his hair. The action seemed to make him relax a little, leaning into your touch and slowly wrapping his arms around your waist to pull you closer.

“Sorry if I scared you with my earlier text, I just...need to let off some steam, or vent, or eat something i don't know” he rambled, eyes now closed as you played with the hair on the nape of his neck, something you knew he adored. “What happened baby?” you asked, leading him to sit down on his bed so you could both be more comfortable.

He blushed at your pet name for him, glancing into your eyes that held so much adoration for him. “I’m so stressed about this singing cover I have to do in a few weeks, it’s for a big movie and I just can’t seem to hit the notes they want me to. It’s been bugging me all day, I hope you aren’t mad that I interrupted your studying” his voice trailed off, eyes cast downwards to play with his fingers. You simply smiled and pulled him in for a big hug, him immediately wrapping his arms around you.

“It’s okay baby don’t worry about it, I’m here to look after you okay?” you spoke gently, pulling his jaw up gently so you could meet his eyes, before leaning in to kiss him softly. He kissed back with passion and adoration, letting his hands wander up to your neck to hold you in place as he continued to kiss you. Your hands gripped his shoulders, letting your fingers dance along the skin as he deepened the kiss, a small sigh leaving your lips.

He pulled away from you so you could both catch your breath, his lips swollen and a pink hue dusting his cheeks. You moved up so that you were standing above him and he was still sitting on the bed, before leaning to kiss him once more. “Go and lay at the top of the bed Kwannie, I wanna help you get rid of your stress” you smiled, watching as he quickly wriggled his way up toward the headboard, hands resting on his side as you crawled towards him and sat on top of his thighs.

His Adam’s apple bobbed as you skimmed your hand over his chest, mouth moving down to leave kisses and small marks all over his neck. While you continued moving your hands over his burning skin, he moved his hands upwards to grasp your hips, trying to keep a somewhat stable hold on reality. His eyes met yours and he pulled you in for a deep kiss, opening his mouth to explore your own, a small moan emitting from his lips.

“You taste so good” he remarked, his hands wandering up once again to fondle with your breasts, playing with them over the cotton fabric of your bra. He was satisfied when you whimpered, before you became impatient and all but ripped the bra off yourself, freeing yourself while Seungkwan hummed in appreciation, taking a nipple into his mouth and sucking gently.

The pleasure was getting to your head, and fast. You hadn’t even realized that Seungkwan had flipped you onto your back and was now pulling your panties down, while rushing to get his boxers off to free his straining erection. Without thinking, he had dipped two fingers into your pussy and began thrusting them, making your back arch off the bed in surprise. A loud moan escaped your lips, before Seungkwan shoved one of his hands over your mouth, effectively silencing your moans.

“As much as I love hearing how good I make you feel, you need to stay quiet so that no-one else can hear you. Got it?” His voice was rough at the end and you nodded at his sudden dominant behaviour, it turning you on even more. He lined his cock up with your entrance and thrust in with one push, your loud moan still silenced by Seungkwan’s hand as he began a brutal pace almost immediately, his face crinkled in concentration.

You could see how much stress he had been under by the way he was thrusting hard and fast, and his hands were gripping your hips in a way that was sure to leave bruises. His hand was still covering your mouth, and he was whispering filthy words into your ear about what he wanted to do to you and praising you for taking his cock so well.

He was so immersed in thrusting into your pussy that he hadn’t realised that he forgot to lock his door, meaning that Mingyu just opened the door and strutted in, not even knocking or glancing in his direction as he was immersed in some video game on his device. “M-mingyu !!” you managed to squeak out between his thrusts, which made Seungkwan halt his moving altogether.

“Did you just say Mingyu’s name?!” hurt was laced through his tone as he stared you down, waiting for an explanation. “Do you want him? Or are you seeing him behind my back?” His rapid fire questions toward you made Mingyu finally look up from his device and immediately he turned crimson, his legs failing to move at the sight in front of him. “Seungkwan no!! He’s standing right there...” you trailed off, and Seungkwan whipped his head around to see the lanky man standing in the doorway, jaw dropped and his device willing to drop from his hand.

“Mingyu get the fuck out! Can’t you see I’m busy?!” Seungkwan shouted, the older male profusely apologizing as he shut the door quickly, still apologizing through the door. Seungkwan turned back to you and thrusted with a renewed vigour, now thrusting even harder and faster than before since he was now mad at one of his housemates for barging in. His hand moved off your mouth, now letting you moan freely and not caring who heard.

“That’s right baby, let everyone hear who’s making you feel this good. I’m the only one who can make you feel this good right? The only one who gets to fuck this tight pussy” with each thrust and word he spoke it sent you further and further into bliss, your orgasm threatening to spill over any second.

“Kwannie, m’gonna cum, please let me cum!!” you squealed, his thrusts growing sloppy as he too, neared his desired release. “Cum for me baby girl, cum all over my cock and get me all wet” he groaned, reaching a hand down to roughly circle your clit and throw you over the edge. A scream ripped from your lips as your orgasm hit you, the waves of pleasure continuously rolling through you. Seungkwan came not long after you with a few more thrusts, a loud groan leaving his lips.

He rolled to the side once he had pulled out of you, both of you breathing heavily and trying to finish riding out your highs. Seungkwan moved closer to you, pulling you into his side as he stroked your arm softly, leaving soft kisses up and down your neck. “I’m sorry about all that stuff I said earlier...” he whispered, kissing your cheek and blushing. You simply shake your head and “It’s fine Kwannie, I know you were stressed. Did I help you with your stress at all?” you spoke softly to him, tracing patterns on his chest.

“You sure did baby, thank you for being my stress relief” he sighed, before grabbing some tissues from his nightstand before wiping you down gently, apologizing profusely when you winced or whined in pain. He got up and grabbed you a bottle of water from his desk, which you downed quickly to redeem your parched throat.

You snuggled into his sheets that smelled like a mixture of coffee and cinnamon, and were slowly being lulled to sleep. “I’ll be back in one second baby, I just have to step out for a second” and you nodded, immediately knowing what he was going to do and a small giggle left your lips. The bedroom door shut and you could hear Seungkwan calling for Mingyu, asking him what his problem was and you could barely just hear the tall man begging for forgiveness. 

Your boyfriend returned a little while later and rolled in next to you, his warmth seeping into your skin and you moved closer to him with a content sigh. As if on instinct, he pulled you in and spooned you, his arm draped around your waist and his nose nestling into the crook of your neck. He was much more stress free now that you were with him, and he couldn’t thank you enough.

[yunhowhat]

Authors notes: I usually only write on wattpad but I want to write a cute soft Mark Lee smut.

If you would like to read my longer stories go check out my Wattpad: YUNHOwhat

WARNINGS: Smut, Bareback (unprotected), trans bodies (FTM with top surgery), car sex, head, fingering.

Before anyone @'s me for making the MC Trans, I am trans so it's written from my perspective. Though I will write ones in the future that aren't from a Trans perspective. For the male pet names and things just imagine them as female if it makes it easier ♡

✈︎𝑀𝑎𝑟𝑘 𝐿𝑒𝑒 - 𝐴 𝑏𝑒𝑎𝑢𝑡𝑖𝑓𝑢𝑙 𝑡ℎ𝑖𝑛𝑔✈︎

A long drive, longer than normal.

The cool autumn breeze, blowing spirals of leaves around the empty streets in the darkness of the night as Mark and I drove through the suburban suburbs.

"How long until we get there?" My voice was hoarse from staying silent for so long, Mark however had been singing along to the radio the entire time. "What was that? Sorry I didn't quite catch it..." I leaned forward and grabbed a nearly empty water bottle from the glove box of the car.

After quenching my thirst I cleared my throat and repeated my question to the man sitting next to me.

"Oh...ah not to long just a few more blocks" he smiled lovingly as one of his hands slid across the top of my thigh, giving it a tight squeeze.

"Mark" I squeeked out, the sudden contact of his hand against my bare skin sent a flaming desire through out my body. I didn't know I could feel like this so suddenly, the sudden urge to cross the console and straddle mark had completely taken over my mind. "Y/N?" He asked, his innocent eyes scanning me as his grip on my thigh loosened. Instead his hand was now rubbing small circles against my skin as he waited to make sure I was okay.

"Mark..I" the queasy moan left my lips as goosebumps appeared on my skin under Mark's touch.

His eyes widened in realisation buy instead of removing his hand, he slid his long fingers down my thigh. Placing himself between my thighs and curling his fingers up to meet my aching chore.

"Is this what you wanted baby boy?" He hummed in satisfaction as light whimpers echoed through the car.

"M..m...more" I stuttered out, begging him for something more. "Mmm but you look so good whimpering under my touch" his now husky voice spoke as his fingers pressed further into the crotch of my pants. Lightly skimming over the area of my clit and sending me into a whimpering mess.

"Mark please" I shifted in my seat, turning to face him my flushed face making him groan as I begged for him. "You're being a tease" he mumbled as he removed his hand from between my thighs causing a dissatisfied moan to leave my lips.

"Mark!! Pretty please" I leaned forward and kissed his jaw lightly as he continued to drive down the empty street.

We were lucky that there wasn't any traffic on the roads when marks gaze was fixated on me instead of the road.

As I trailed kisses along his jaw I noticed the hardening strain of his pants and decided to lightly skim the tips of my fingers across his aching member. Hearing a throaty groan leave Marks throat as his Adams apple bobbed up and down.

"Baby...I'm driving" however his body disagreed with his words as his hips bucked upwards to meet my hand.

This time is was my turn to bask in the sight of Mark whimpering under my touch. The way his hips would buck up to create more friction between his hardened cock and my hand.

Pressing down onto his crotch I began unzipping his trousers, slipping my hand into and rubbing the outer of his boxers. The action earned me a satisfactory moan, the sweetness of his voice filling my ears.

[Head/Blowjob warning, skip to where the stars are if uncomfortable with this part]

"Baby more..." his voice hitched in his throat as I pulled his member out of his boxers and pants, exposing him to the cool air around us. Mark sucked in a harsh breath as a placed my lips against his tip, kissing it a few times before taking his length in my mouth.

"So warm" marks free hand rested on the back of my head as I began moving my head up and down, taking him whole.

The length of his cock causing me to halter my speed a bit as he hit the back of my throat.

"So fucking beautiful" Mark said as he began pulling over to an empty parking lot. "I'm going to put the chair back, okay baby?" He warned as he ushered me up and off from around his dick.

✩✩✩

Pushing his seat back he helped me over the centre console of the car and onto his lap. My legs placed on either side of him as he pulled me into a sweet passionate kiss.

Our lips moving against each other's as the sound of rain beginning to fall rang outside the car. Our muffled moans filling the car as sweat dripped off our foreheads. Mark moved his hands between my thighs once more, slipping his fingers between my folds as he teased my entrance.

My hips bucked forward as I begged him for more friction, his lips trailing down my neck as I let loud moans slip through my teeth. "Fuck Mark" my hands reach up behind his head, gripping his hair and giving it a light tugg as his teeth grazed over my skin.

He sucked against my jawline, nipping at it every so often before pulling away, satisfied with his actions.

"You look so fucking beautiful with my marks on you" he placed his lips back against my own, our tongues dancing together as he pumped his fingers in and our of my dripping core.

Having slid two fingers in already, he began to rub circles against my clit with his thumb as his other two fingers continued their steady pace inside of me.

The sounds of my moans filling Mark's mouth as we shared a heated, passionate make-out session.

"Mark...I...I'm..."

"I know Y/n, baby...go ahead, cum all over my fingers. I want to see your beautiful face when you do" his deep voice sounded scratchy as he watched me ride his fingers.

"Mark" I screamed out as my walls began to clench around Mark's fingers. The creaminess of my cum sticking to Mark's fingers as he removed them from my aching core and bring them up to his mouth.

Sucking his fingers off, he eyes me down. Drinking in my exhausted appearance after having came all over his hand.

His hands travels underneath my shirt, pulling it up and throwing it off, followed by the shorts I had been wearing.

"You ready?" He asked, gesturing to his still hard cock, sprung up against his stomach. The swollen redness of his tip making it obvious he had been holding back.

I nodded slowly with anticipation as I checked Mark's body out, up and down my eyes trailed before finally meeting Mark's gaze.

"Good" he smirked as his hands squeezed my hips, ushering me onto his cock. The wetness from my previous orgasm making it easier for him to slide in, the length of his member reaching deep inside me.

As his hands began to guide me up and back down, Mark sat back and watched as his hands trailed my body.

His fingertips trailing underneath my surgical scars that laid beneath my chest...

"Beautiful" he muttered as I continued to move my hips up and down. His hands wrapping around my back as he leaned forward and placed soft kisses along the scars that bared my chest.

His soft lips leaving a wet trail and he moved across my bare skin. Mumbled 'beautiful' after each kiss, our hips crashing against each other as the two of us reached a point of bliss.

The two of us reaching our orgasm's, Mark releasing inside of me as my walls clenched around his cock.

Our cum mixing together as our lips mashed and hands roamed each other's bodies.

"Y/N...I love you so fucking much" he grumbled against my lips as the two of us came down from our highs.

The night time air taking over as we laid together, enjoying the company of one another before we had to head off to our destination.

Love...its a beautiful thing.

A pleasurable thing.

✈︎𝑀𝑎𝑟𝑘 𝐿𝑒𝑒 - 𝐴 𝑏𝑒𝑎𝑢𝑡𝑖𝑓𝑢𝑙 𝑡ℎ𝑖𝑛𝑔✈︎

-𝑊𝑟𝑖𝑡𝑡𝑒𝑛 𝑏𝑦 𝑌𝑈𝑁𝐻𝑂𝑤ℎ𝑎𝑡

[msmarvelouswinchester]

No Strings Attached

Summary - Some words are better remained unspoken but not always. Sometimes it better to just confess.

Pairing - Jensen x Reader, past Jensen x OFC Sarah

Warning - Fluff, angst-ish, secret relationship, smut (18+), unprotected sex (wrap it before you tap it), oral sex (female receiving), swearing, insecurities, mentions of betrayal.

Word Count - 3178

Square Filled - Rockstar!Jensen ( @spndeanbingo ); Confessions ( @anyfandomgoesbingo )

A/N - This is written for my challenge "Chan's 500 followers challenge".

Request by @deanwanddamons - Hey hon! Huge congratulations on 500 followers! You deserve it 💞 Could you write ‘3. How was I such an idiot, to believe that you, out of all people, could ever love me?’ Jensen and Y/N 😘 (Hope you like it and sorry it got so long)

Beta'd by the lovely @miss-nerd95​ (she is such a sweetheart! Thank you so much)

The beautiful spn dividers by @talesmaniac89

I love the Ackles fam, but for the sake of this fic, Jensen is single and was never married to Danneel.

Your eyes were focused on the man on stage, heart beating loudly as you watched his every movement the way his thick fingers were wrapped around the mic, that little smirk on his face as he sang along to the Eric Church’s song. Your head full of thoughts about what his fingers and mouth could do to you.

“Damn you, really turn me on, paintin' your toenails pink.” He sent you a sideway glance, giving you a knowing smile as he sang the lines. His tongue peeked out of his mouth as it swept over his lips, his action so casual yet it sent the audience into a frenzy. The song enriched by his voice was enough to make you squirm and the memories from last night were not helping you at all.

You should have seen this coming ever since the moment you had stepped into the green room that day, right before the Saturday Night Live. You had smirked to yourself when you saw Jensen's eyes slightly widening at the sight of you in the tight little skirt that you had paired with a see-through button down and matching bra, as you had walked up to him with a glass of wine in your hand.

A blush had crept up your neck when you had felt his eyes all over your body. You had taken a seat right beside him, just to rile him up a bit more. You knew he couldn't even kiss you because no one in the cast knew about your hidden rendezvous. You had furtively glanced at the actor beside you. With one brow raised slightly, Jensen was staring right at you.

“You want to go out there?” You jumped at Richard’s voice, pulling you out from your sinful thoughts. “I know you can sing.”

“You sure? Jensen has set the stage on fire. I don't think I have enough fuel to match that level.” You chuckled, looking out towards the stage as the said man wrapped an arm around Rob’s shoulder, jamming out to the music of the guitar. You hadn't even noticed when he had switched to another song because you were too busy staring at how his biceps flexed under his black shirt with every small movement of his arm. A puff of air left your mouth as he hit a high note in the song.

“Trust me, he will definitely not mind.” Richard winked.

“Um-thanks Speight, but I'd rather stay here and enjoy the show.” You politely declined Richard’s request. Tonight, the stage was a dangerous arena.

You took in a sharp breath as the last notes of the song strung in the air, the crowd erupting into a loud cheer as Rob struck the last chord on his guitar. “Thank you!” Jensen gave a dramatic bow, waving his hands in the air as he was exiting the stage which caused an uproar in the room. Handing over the mic to Rob, the actor left the stage.

“Enjoyed the show, sweetheart?” A smug smile tugged on his lips as he stalked towards you, the look on his face making you go weak in the knees.

“You put on quite a show out there.” You said, placing a hand on his chest.

“What can I say? I am a good performer. There is nothing better than seeing the audience satisfied,” Jensen replied and leaned towards you, bringing his mouth near your ear. “And then leave them begging for more.” Your heart was beating wildly making you gasp as his teeth grazed past your earlobe, a shiver running down your body to your core.

“Jackles!” Jared’s booming voice made you two jump apart. “We are going out for drinks, wanna join?”

“Yeah! Go ahead, I'll...uh-catch up. Y/N’s coming with me too.”

“Uh-okay!” Jared hesitated a bit before he rejoined the awfully jolly group of actors, making their way towards the bar a few blocks away from the convention.

“Ackles, anyone caught your eye yet?” Jared questioned his tv brother, which piqued your interest.

“So, I'm picking up random girls from the bar now to get my dick wet? Jare-” Jensen looked at his best friend with a look of pure disgust in his eyes.

“Jensen, that's not what I-”

“Now, don't start with your relationship crap. You know I don't do relationships anymore.” It wasn't like you didn't expect him to say this, but deep down it still hurt to hear him say that there was no one special in his life. You tuned out the rest of his words as you reminisced about your first night together.

The relationship between you and Jensen was complicated. A few months ago, you had hooked up in his Vancouver apartment after a drunken night and that had started the whole friends with benefit thing. No one knew that you two were sleeping together. It was something you two had decided to keep between yourselves because it wasn't like you were in a relationship, you two just fucked to relieve some tension. Or so you thought. You didn't even realise when you had fallen head over heels for the man but you had managed to keep your mouth shut.

Your eyes roamed around the room until it landed on Jensen to see him staring intently at you. An involuntary shiver ran down your body under his strong gaze. You left your seat and went to sit beside him at which he was taken by surprise.

“Miss me already?” He smirked, an eyebrow raised at you.

“Don’t shave.” You said.

“That doesn't answer my que-” the words got stuck in his throat as you placed your hand on his thigh. Jensen stiffened under your touch but thankfully the action went unnoticed by everyone else.

“What d'you think you're doin’?” He asked, his southern accent slipping through.

“Nothing.” You smirked as you hand travelled upwards towards his crotch but no one could see your little teasing session underneath the table. Jensen swallowed thickly as he fidgeted in his seat, trying to adjust his pants and to remove your hand but you were adamant. You coyly palmed his growing excitement as he sucked in a breath.

“Don't challenge me, Y/N/N.” He growled into your ear, your own panties were now ruined. “I can take you right here, right now. You want me to do that, to teach you a lesson for being a bad girl?”

“Where's your self control, Ackles?” You mocked.

Without answering your question, he suddenly stood up. “Y/N’s not feeling so hot. I think it's best if she goes back to the hotel.” Jensen told the cast. You licked your lips when you saw his dominant side jumping out.

“What ‘bout ya?” Jared drunkenly asked.

“She is in the room right beside me and it's too late. I'm going back to the hotel with her. I'm just being a gentleman.” Jensen said, trying to sound as convincing as possible. Everyone said their goodbyes and if anyone suspected anything, they didn't speak up.

A few minutes after leaving the bar, Clif pulled up in front of the bar. You and Jensen slipped into the backseat. That fifteen minutes drive felt like the longest time you had ever been in a car. The tension was so thick between, it could have been cut with a knife. Jensen did his best to restrain himself, so much so he barely looked at you because even Clif wasn't in on your little secret and you wanted to keep it that way.

You had barely closed the door before you felt Jensen’s hands all over your body. He abandoned his leather jacket before pushing you against the wall.

“I wanted to rip off your clothes the moment you walked into the room.” He murmured as he pinned you to the wall, kissing you roughly. “Do you have any idea how hard you made me tonight? Huh?” He breathed into the skin of your neck, making you whimper.

“Jay-uh, you were a t-tease as well. You sang that song tonight o-on purpose.” You breathed out. A gasp left your lips when Jensen hungrily ripped off your shirt and skirt leaving you in nothing but your bra and panties. You hooked your legs behind his back as he effortlessly picked you up and took you to the bed, putting you down before he climbed on top of you. Impatiently, you tugged at the hem of his t-shirt at which Jensen smirked and pulled the shirt over his head before throwing it on the floor. You took in the perfectly toned muscles of his chest and stomach like you were seeing him naked for the very first time, which of course wasn't, when he put a finger under your chin, making you look up at him.

“Like what you see?” He smirked as your hands travelled up to feel his hard pecs. Jensen grabbed your hand and moved them away from his chest as he leaned down to leave a trail of kisses down your body. You shuddered when his mouth found the sweet spot on your neck. He swiftly removed your bra, leaving only in your lacy panties. “You are so beautiful.” He murmured as he took in your naked form.

There wasn't a single part of your body that he didn't touch. His hands travelled all over your body, squeezing and pinching your skin as they moved until finally stopped on your breasts, kneading and massaging them.

“Jay-” you moaned as he continued to nibble at your sensitive skin. His mouth left your neck before latching onto your right nipple, his tongue flicking the bud making you cry out his name. “Oh fuck,” you whimpered as his fingers worked on your other nipple. You could feel him smirking before his mouth released you from its assault, pressing a kiss on the valley of your chest before moving south.

“Fuck baby, you're so wet. Where's your self control?” Jensen grunted when his hand brushed your damp panties before making a quick job of pulling them off you. He left kisses along the inside of both your thighs before you felt his hot breath fanning against where you needed him the most. He pressed a kiss on your aching pussy as you moaned for the hundredth time that night.

“Mhm, you always taste so good.” He growled against your pussy, the vibration of his voice making you shiver in anticipation. He started licking your clit slowly but then he picked up his pace as his tongue worked overtime. Your hands moved downwards, your fingers entangling with his hair. Jensen’s scruff scratched against your thigh, giving you a sweet, burning sensation which you knew would stay as a reminder of his unholy ministrations. His mouth and tongue continued to give you pleasure as the latter went in deep, hungrily eating you out.

“Fuck Jensen!” You exclaimed when you felt the pressure build up. You pulled at his scalp, making him groan against your pussy before he put a finger in you, at which you whimpered. He pumped in twice before adding another, successfully stretching you open.

“Shit!” Your back arched with pleasure as his fingers curled inside you, hitting your g-spot repeatedly. The coil inside you tightened as he kept pumping his fingers.

“Fuck! Fuck Jay!” You mewled as you came on his fingers. He pulled out his fingers, licking them clean, while you tried to steady your breathing. Giving you a quick kiss, he pulled down his pants along with his boxers, his hardened length making you lick your lips at the sight. He took his cock and ran his hand up and down the shaft, the tip of his cock beaded with precum.

“Jensen.” You croaked.

“Tell me what you want, sweetheart.” His deep voice growled as he sat there in all his naked glory.

“I-hm, I want you inside me.” Jensen quickly obliged as he lined himself with your entrance. Your mouth both sucked in a breath when he slipped his cock into you.

“You need to move.” He almost pulled out, leaving only his tip inside you before pushing all of him back in again. You buckled up your hips to match with his thrusts, making him groan. Your pussy clenched around him as the knot in your stomach tightened once again.

“Fuck Y/N!” He growled as his thrusts started to become sloppy.

“I am gonna-Jay!” your back arched as the coil in your stomach snapped and you felt yourself coming undone for the second time that night. Jensen thrusted a few more times before he spilled his seed inside you, coating your walls. “Shit Y/N!” He panted as he dropped his head into the crook of your neck. Pressing his lips on yours, he pulled out of you and rolled over, both of you panting hard, as you came down from your high before he got up to get a piece of cloth to clean you both up.

You were lying in his arms, basking in the post-coital bliss, both of you still in an euphoric state when those fateful words were muttered. “I think I'm in love with you.” The sentence slipped out before you could have stopped yourself and that's when you felt him beside you stiffen up.

“I thought we agreed this thing to be no-strings attached.” He said, his voice hard as rock as he spat the words out, making you wince at the sheer intensity of disgust in those ten little words.

“I-I thought, I'm sorry. I know what I got myself into,” you scoffed, “How was I such an idiot, to believe that you, out of all people, could ever love me?” You left the soft hotel bed, wrapping yourself with the white sheet to cover your modesty and self-respect or what was left of it.

“Where are you going?” Jensen asked as he watched you pick up the pieces of your clothing strewn about the room, putting them back on as you tried to swallow the lump in your throat.

‘Was that concern in his voice?’ You wondered but you decided not to voice your thoughts instead you retorted, “No-strings attached, remember? I am going back to my room.” And that was the last thing you said before you left hurriedly.

Closing the door behind you, you burst into tears. You almost ran back into your room because you didn't want to be seen by anyone and read some nasty headline on the celebrity gossip page the next day.

You didn't know how long you cried, lying there in your bed as you blamed yourself for completely messing up a good relationship. Wait, why were you even calling your arrangement a relationship?

That man didn't do relationships. How could you be so stupid to say those words to him? Maybe deep down inside, you had hoped that Jensen felt the same about you but after tonight all your hopes had been turned to dust. You laid motionless in your bed with tears streaming down your cheeks until two short knocks on your door interrupted your pity party.

A sense of fear seeped into you. Did someone see you in the hallway? You wondered. Gathering up a bit of courage you opened the door to find the man you least expected to show up on the other side.

“Wha-” Jensen barged into the room, closing the door behind him.

“Sarah, my last girlfriend she-I loved her, God did I love her but she took advantage and stabbed me in the back, left me there in the pool of my own blood.” He let out a shaky breath.

You still remembered that night in the trailer clearly. You and Jensen were still getting to know each other and you had never seen him have a breakdown like that. Sarah had used Jensen's name to get further in the industry and used his money but then she had owned up to never loving him and cheating on him with another man. Thomas was sick so Jared had to leave immediately while you had stayed with him that night in the trailer because you knew if you left him alone, he would have drowned himself in alcohol.

“I swore off dating, then you came along. After our first night in my Vancouver apartment, I didn't want to let you go. You were also healing from your last breakup and we both needed something to release the tension so I asked you to be my friend with benefits.”

“Jay-”

“Let me complete because I owe you an explanation and I'm here to give you one. All this time I was thinking that my feelings towards you were not romantic because I was scared to fall in love again until tonight when I watched you storm out of my room. I realised that I was lying to everyone including myself and I don't think I can live with that. ” You searched his face to find any sort of pity or a lie but all you saw were eyes filled with adoration for you. “Now I know I'm an idiot and I have royally fucked everything up but I think I'm ready to take a leap and I don’t want anyone but you by my side.”

You didn't even know when you had started crying. Jensen came closer to you, cupping your face, he whispered, “I want you, all strings attached.”

“Am I really the person you want?”

“Yes.”

“Okay.”

“Okay?” A look of confusion descended on his face.

“Okay. I can give us a chance but I need you to be all in. I want you with all your strings attached as well.” You said, your lips curling up to form a soft smile.

“I am all in.” He said and leaned in, capturing your lips with his. Your one hand moved to the back of his neck and another gripped his bicep to ground yourself. It was a soft kiss filled with love and new promises.

“I do have one condition.” You said after breaking the kiss.

“I agree.” Jensen said, pecking your lips.

“You didn't even hear it.”

“I don't have to. I agree with it.” He smiled.

“Well then, no sex for one month.” You smirked as you Jensen's mouth fell open.

“One month?”

“You already agreed to it.” You giggled when he pouted at you. “Oh don't make that face. You have two hands, use them.”

“What about kissing?”

“I think I can allow kissing.” You chuckled making him sigh in relief.

“I love you and I'm a dumbass for not realising it before.” Your heart swelled in your chest as you heard him say those words back. “And I think Jared is going to earn some betting money in the morning when we walk into the room hand in hand.”

“We are telling everyone about us? So no secret meetings?”

“No secret meetings. I will shout it from the rooftops that you're mine because like I told you, I want you with all the strings attached.”

Feedback is highly appreciated!

[prettywordsyouleft]

Magnetic - Part 5

Summary: You and Kihyun hadn’t worked as a couple. The fighting was endless, and no make-up sex could repair the damage unfolding between you. Years on, you cross paths with the man again. Will it be the same as before?

Pairing: Yoo Kihyun x female reader

Genre: exes to lovers / angst / romance

Warnings: none

Word count: 862

Prompt: “You’re doing it wrong.”

A/N: This is for the Challenging Words February challenge. The intention of this story is to be shorter in length than my usual series. Most parts will be under 1000 words.

Preview | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7

“You’re doing it wrong.”

“Huh?” Blinking out of your reverie, and looking at Ashley standing beside you in confusion, you watched as she took your access card out of your hand and beeped it for you. The gates to the subway opened, and she prodded you through the terminal.

“Everything okay with you?” she wondered, and you continued to stare unfocused at your best friend, her eyebrows furrowing together. “You’ve been quiet all day long.”

“I’m tired.”

“You’re seeing him again, aren’t you?”

“Who?”

Ashley gave you a knowing look. “Lauri and Claudia told me they saw Kihyun around your area. I know you too well. You couldn’t stay away.”

“Are you mad with me?” you questioned, slumping down onto a seat when the doors opened to the train. Ashley joined you.

“No, I have no reason to be mad.”

“Disappointed then? I always hated when my Mum would say I’m not mad, I’m just disappointed. Please don’t be like that with me.”

“I’m surprised it took this long,” she admitted and then bit her lip, lowering her head guiltily. “I have something to confess.”

“Hm?” you hummed, staring blankly at Ashley.

“I saw Kihyun two years ago. We crossed paths, and he stopped me and asked how you were. I told him you were doing great without him, and he looked pretty dejected. He admitted he still thought of you often and how he had gone to therapy over your relationship.”

“Therapy?” you echoed, blinking slowly at the concept.

Ashley nodded. “Apparently he was worried and wanted to ensure he was fit as a person and a partner before finding someone else. But he realised whilst doing what he had, the desire to change only came from wanting to be better in a relationship with you. He told me he had tried to date but believed you were the only one his heart ever wanted.”

“Kihyun said all of this to you?” you breathed, and Ashley sighed heavily.

“I told him you were engaged.”

“What?!”

“At the time, I was annoyed. I didn’t want to hear how he had improved. I didn’t hate him, but I’m your friend. I wanted to protect you from him forever. I didn’t want you to end up on my doorstep crying anymore.”

“I can kind of understand your reaction.”

Ashley took one of your hands and patted it. “You’re not twenty-one anymore, Y/N. Nor is he. And maybe he’s right. He seemed really adamant about how he felt for you, and when I lied to him, the look on his face… I left quickly because I felt so bad for breaking him like that.”

“He told me the other day that he was still in love with me,” you admitted softly, blinking back your emotions. The sentence was the catalyst for you spilling everything that had happened so far, aside from the in-depth details about what happened in your bedroom. Ashley gripped the hand she still held and shook it. “How do you feel about all of this?”

“I can’t deny there’s something still between us, but I’m still worried about a repeat of the past.”

“Push that aside for a moment. What does your heart think?”

A giddy smile crossed your lips. “I feel something strongly about him too.”

“Then why are you holding back? The past doesn’t have to dictate your relationship now. You’ve both grown from back then, and will no doubt have better coping mechanisms than your stressed-out university days. I’m not saying it might not happen either but if your heart is singing out for him too, isn’t it worth trying again?”

“You really think so?”

Ashley smiled. “Clauds and Lauri are right. When you talked about him just now to me, you seemed different. I’m happy for you.”

“Do you mind if I don’t come over tonight?” you asked, and your friend laughed.

“Go find Kihyun and tell him how you feel.”

You got off at the next stop and then hailed a taxi, giving over the address to Kihyun’s house. The whole ride over, you were jittery. Not because of nerves, though. You knew even if you still had to work through some of the remaining fear about your past relationship with Kihyun, right now, you were certain about how you felt.

You wanted to be with him. Not just for the passion either. You wanted everything that came with dating someone. The urge within you was so strong that your mind was concrete on the idea now.

You loved him.

Once you reached your destination, you went over to his front door and knocked on it repeatedly until it opened, Kihyun clearly surprised to see you there. “I thought you had plans for tonight?”

“I love you too,” you confessed, sucking in a deep breath. “I’m sorry it took me this long to tell you how I felt. I don’t want to just sleep with you. I want it all.”

Kihyun pulled you into an embrace, hugging you tightly. “I would have waited forever to hear those words.”

“Well now you don’t need to,” you replied, smiling up at him. “I’m ready to try again with you.”

_________________

Part 6

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[pynches]

through the years we will be together (if the fates allow)

a/n this is a gift for @mletart for @pynchpromptweek Secret Santa! I hope you like it! summary: The Lynch brothers do Christmas caroling together to uphold the brotherly bond after their parents passed away. It so happens to be that Adam lives at the church they frequent at. The Myth of the Brothers Lynch become a reality when Adam finally meets the middle one.

word count: 2571

ao3 Adam had never seen them, he had tried many times to catch as much as a glimpse but his job at Boyd’s lined up with the mass times and he was always a little too late. Once, he thought he saw the edge of a BMW turn around the corner but he had waved that off. “Good boys” as the attendees had said, didn’t drive cars that were shark-nosed, all edges and brute force.

“They sing like angels,” one old lady told Adam. She attended church often, burning a candle sometimes. Adam wondered who she had lost, if she was the only one left standing. He almost wanted to ask if the angel metaphor was blasphemy but he held it in at the last moment and politely listened instead, the key to his apartment still in hand. “Especially the middle one.”

“Ronan,” Adam said helpfully, nodding his head in recognition. He had been so mystified by the brothers that he had absorbed every bit of information about them like a sponge, trying to piece everything together and create clear images of them.

He never quite succeeded.

“You must come to mass,” the lady said, her watery eyes looking up at Adam hopefully and Adam had politely declined though it cost him great hardship to do so.

“I’m not religious,” Adam said apologetically and stayed to listen to the lady’s story about the grandson she never really saw because he went to study abroad before Adam finally went up the stairs and let himself into his apartment.

The Brother’s Lynch, now a tangible subject in his mind, took residency in his thoughts for the remainder of the day, the week, until it was Sunday again and Adam was home for once.

Boyd had called Adam to him a few days before, telling him that he had to take some vacation days or he would breach the contract he had signed the year before. It so happened that one of those vacation days was that Sunday, since it wouldn’t be too busy at the shop that day anyway.

And thus, Adam was at the window on Sunday, peering through the slightly cracked glass to try and catch the eye of the brothers.

He watched as the shark-nosed BMW appeared again, followed by a much more boring car, parking next to the BMW. The first guy that got out was one that looked like he was the poster child for bad behaviour. Shaved head, tattoos that curled up from his shoulders and around his neck, peeking just above the black suit he was wearing, the tie artfully undone.

Next came another guy out of the more boring car, a displeased frown already set in his eyebrows. He wore a gray suit, everything perfectly in place. Adam wondered if the perfection was compensating for something.

Then, the last guy, which Adam expected was Ronan, the one with the nice voice, the “very kind boy” as one of the old ladies had whispered to him. Golden curls, a sweet smile on his face, an excited jump in his step as he entered the church.

Adam didn’t go down but he snuck out of his apartment and sat on the stairs, hoping to catch one of their voices. He wanted to learn the magic behind the sound, understand why everyone, including him, had been mesmerised by the brothers.

He didn’t hear a single one stand out, all of them combining too much to notice the ‘angelic’ ones the woman had told him about. Adam wished he still had his other ear in use, thinking that perhaps he would be blessed with the heavenly voices of the brothers if his father hadn’t beaten the hearing out of it.

Disappointedly, he stood again and moved upstairs to his little apartment, sitting down to study as he had done a hundred nights before and would continue to do so until the very end.

It wasn’t a half-hour later when he heard a single voice, moving below in the heart of the church, the voice echoing off the wall. Adam quietly tiptoed down and peeked around the corner. He was too entranced by the voice at first to notice the person singing. The musical notes and the quiet timber of it made Adam wonder if the church was built for the sound instead of God. But then he saw the figure and his heart momentarily stopped.

Shaved head, eyes sunken into his head, was he sleeping enough? Perhaps he was an insomniac as Adam was as well, by choice or not was the question. The suit jacket had been shrugged off and laid over one of the benches. His dress shirt had been rolled up his arms, exposing the boy’s pale forearms, scarred and vulnerable looking. Adam could distinctively see two hooks etched into the sides of his neck, the black ink a stark contrast against the whiteness of his skin.

This must be the youngest one Adam thought. He wanted to go up, introduce himself but he was too scared to. The boy was not only taller than him but significantly stronger too. Adam didn’t exactly feel fear but he didn’t want to take any chances either.

He barely noticed the singing had stopped before the boy was in front of him and Adam’s heart stilled in his chest. “Who the fuck are you?” Adam was asked who immediately went into defensive mode.

“I live here,” Adam said with an annoyed pull of his lips. He wondered why the ladies had said they were ‘good boys’. This one seemed anything but.

The boy’s mouth opened and closed, the spell on his hardened eyes momentarily broken and he looked so much younger immediately. “Oh, I didn’t know.”

Adam swallowed and nodded before his everlasting need for approval reared its ugly head. “Adam Parrish,” he said, knowing how ridiculous his name sounded in a church of all things. The boy, Matthew, Adam presumed, seemed to realise as well and smirked a little. Adam wished he didn’t find it as attractive as he did.

“Ronan Lynch,” the boy replied and…

Oh.

Oh.

“You’re not Matthew?” Adam asked and he immediately realised how stupid he sounded. He also realised his hand was still in Ronan’s, pleasantly warm under his soft skin.

“That would be my baby brother,” Ronan answered and cocked his head. Adam didn’t dare to tell him that it made him look like a confused puppy. “Why would you think I was Matthew?”

And here Adam was, standing in front of the most dangerous-looking boy with the most beautiful voice he had ever heard, tongue-tied and all. “The ladies who come here told me Ronan was the nicest of the brothers and well…”

“Matthew looks like a golden retriever personified,” Ronan helpfully added. “We’re all aware.”

Adam bit his lip and finally released Ronan’s hand. It took him everything to not immediately start running. He would have if he didn’t also want to tell Ronan how nice his voice was and, more importantly, leave a good impression for whatever reason that might be.

“Your voice…” Adam started and cleared his throat. “It’s really nice.”

He walked away after that, hating himself for coming up with ‘nice’ of all things. As if that wasn’t the lamest thing he could have said to the hottest person he had ever met in his short and sheltered life. You didn’t often find people like him in little Henrietta, Virginia and Adam blew it completely.

Adam could hear the soft laughter of Ronan echo against the walls again, following him up into his room. It was a quiet and surprising thing, fleeting like the birds’ wings on Ronan’s neck.

Adam dreamt about Ronan that night. Perhaps he truly wasn’t real but just a myth his mind had helpfully added a face to. But it couldn’t be, Ronan’s hand had felt so real in his own, warm and soft, the comforting touch of a mystical stranger.

Adam looked out the next day but Ronan was gone. It wasn’t a surprise, he didn’t think people that drove such cars actually slept in churches but he still felt a deep sense of disappointment that nobody was waiting for him downstairs, singing a beautiful song in greeting.

Adam got back to work the next Sunday and though he rushed back to catch a glimpse of the brothers, or, well, Ronan, it was to no avail. They were gone, carrying their voices with them.

The days flew by, the weather got worse. Adam was cold more often than not and in those freezing days where he could only pace up and down his small apartment to gain some warmth, he remembered the touch of Ronan’s hands, their palms pressed together, Ronan’s finger lightly touching his racing pulse.

“They have a habit of Christmas caroling,” one of the ladies, Dorothy, apparently, had told him with a wink as if she knew Adam had been looking out for them. “They do it every year, it keeps the brotherly bond alive.”

Adam thought Christmas caroling only happened in cheesy Christmas movies but he had thanked her and kept Dorothy’s words to heart. He made sure to finish all of his homework before sitting down on his bed on Christmas eve, eyeing the door with nervous anticipation. He belatedly thought of the possibility they would only carol at the door of the church, not of his apartment. Still, he held the hope that Ronan would remember their conversation and attempt to sing for him.

Though Adam had hope, he didn’t actually expect a knock on his door. He turned the doorknob with a shaky hand, his stomach fluttering with nerves.

Before him stood three brothers.

Declan, his expression stoic, his suit black this time with a tie that looked as if it was made by someone artistic, snowflakes and Christmas trees decorating the red and green background. The tie greatly contrasted what Adam had thought was his personality. Maybe he wasn’t as boring as he portrayed himself to be.

Matthew, all golden curls and happy smiles as he sang, his head bobbing a little with every note, his eyes squinted to feel the music more. He was as he seemed, cheerfulness evident in every word he sang.

And then there was Ronan. He was dressed in all black, not quite right for Christmas eve but it fit him, Adam could tell even though he didn’t truly know him. The scar on his lip pulled a little when he sang, the sole focus point of Adam’s sight until he suddenly remembered he had been staring at Ronan’s lips with fascination and looked up again. His eyes met Ronan’s pale blue ones. It reminded him of the ice he always wished he could skate on but never could afford.

Ronan smiled while he sang, he could tell from the crinkles around his eyes. Adam couldn’t help but smile back and applaud a little when they were done.

“You deserve every praise you get,” Adam told the brothers. Declan nodded in appreciation and squeezed Ronan’s shoulder.

“He really is nice,” he said, smirking a little as Ronan’s cheeks turned red, his expression affronted that his brother dared to expose him like that. “Ronan forced us to sing for you.”

This time it was Adam’s time to blush, unable to meet Ronan’s eyes so they fell on Matthew instead who looked ecstatic. “I think you’ll make a lovely brother in law.”

“Matthew!” Ronan yelled and Matthew laughed as he dragged Declan down to ‘give them some privacy’.

Adam finally looked up to Ronan again and tugged a little on the sleeve of his suit jacket so he met his eyes again. “I’m glad you came here.”

“You are?” Ronan asked, sounding as if he expected Adam to slam his door in his face. Adam could sense the hope in Ronan’s eyes and, hell, it was Christmas Eve . This was the night for miracles and taking chances, for spending time with loved ones that Adam didn’t have but if he played it right, he could have exactly that next Christmas.

Adam thus nodded and ran inside to get a pen, writing his phone number on the palm of Ronan’s hand, the light blue almost the colour of the veins that ran underneath his skin. “I want to get to know you better, maybe you become less of a myth in my head.”

Ronan’s laugh sounded like bells and Adam couldn’t help but grin back, strangely proud that he made the boy with the wonderful voice laugh like that.

“I don’t use my phone a lot,” Ronan confessed but protectively curled his fingers around the phone number anyway and Adam knew he was going to call him.

“See it as a Christmas present to me,” Adam replied and Ronan’s lips pulled in a smirk, leaning closer to him as he spoke his next words.

“And what is my present then?”

Adam rolled his eyes, somewhere between exasperated and amused, knowing that he would be walking that fine line more often with Ronan. “A date?”

Ronan’s cheeks flushed a little again and he nodded. Adam cheered inwardly. “Deal,” he replied as if they were in some kind of business meeting. He briefly frowned, having realised that himself too.

Adam wanted to tease that he was more like his brother than he was probably willing to admit but he kept his mouth shut to ensure he would still go on that date.

“Deal,” he replied softly instead and watched as Ronan finally turned to leave, looking back one last time at him before going back into the cold. Adam watched Ronan push Declan and ruffle Matthew’s hair before getting into the shark-nosed BMW and driving off, the pristine snow still lingering to its exterior.

The myth of the Lynch Brothers didn’t end there but next Christmas, Adam was in on it too. He didn’t carol, it was something for the brothers alone. Instead, he comfortably sat on the worn couch of the Barns, sipping hot chocolate with Chainsaw, Ronan’s raven, her beak comfortably pressed into his neck, waiting for the brothers to return.

With them, the Lynches brought warmth and joy, a liveliness that Adam had missed in those years alone. It wasn’t before long that they came barrelling through the door, Ronan curling up next to him, one arm around the back of his shoulders as they retold where they had been caroling, how the old ladies of the church wished Adam a happy Christmas.

And Adam did have a happy Christmas, more so than he ever experienced before. He was surrounded by people he cared for more than anything and finally understood what the true Christmas spirit was about. Love, joy, and most importantly, spending time with your family, be it born or found.

[finelinevogue]

Can you do one where Harry take his children and YN to one of his concert and their just dancing around singing along on stage with Harry.

i love this concept so much!! i kinda of wanna make it sad though soooo it’s gonna be harry’s final show :/ hope you enjoy;

oli - 29, felix - 27, belle - 24

The concert had been amazing, but unfortunately it was coming to its’ end now.

The final show.

That’s what Harry had decided to call it; a clever play on words with reference to his first ever solo single. The last 50 years had been a rollercoaster for Harry, from growing up just a kid in Cheshire, to going on the X Factor and winning the hearts of millions and from being in the most successful band of the decade to going solo and still being absolutely beloved. Times had changed, though. Harry had changed. He had a beautiful family of 3 now, excluding his wonderful wife. His children were his universe, no question about it, but they were getting older now - Harry was getting older. He was 50 this year and with that in mind he’d decided to retire. Retiring had involved a long conversation with you, along with a bottle of red wine, about whether it was the right decision or not. But it was - is.

You had suggested he put on one final, massive show, to celebrate his life and his achievements along with all that the fans have too. Tickets were open internationally and it was being streamed on various TV outlets for those who couldn’t attend. The tickets sold within 47 seconds. 47 seconds. It was being held in the Olympic Stadium in London, because it was Harry’s home and it held the most number of people he could genuinely allow.

The concert had started with ‘Fine Line’ songs, which merged into HS1 songs with a few One Direction songs as well. The entire set list had been composed by the fans with various polls on social media, with the concert supposedly lasting 2 hours (although with support artists and a few extra surprises it was more likely going to be 3!)

It had been beautiful so far. Magical. Unforgettable.

Every chance he got, without making it grossly obvious, he looked at you. He'd told you to stick your thumbs up at him every time he caught your eye, so he knew that you were okay - and every time, you did.

The concert was coming to an end now, which everyone was dreading. How could +30 years feel like it'd only been thirty minutes? You were devastated, so you could only imagine what his fans were thinking.

"Hey!"

The end Kiwi, for the second time, strummed throughout the arena and you knew it was time for the final song. His final song.

"Mum, is this the end?" Belle asked you, from where she was standing next to you. You had been dancing together all night and gotten progressively more tired. Your feet hurt. Your throats burned. Yet, as always, it was so worth it.

"Yes, Belles, it is." You tell her, and she pouted sadly. "Dad won't want to see you sad love, okay? He can still sing to you before bed?" You teased her, reminding her of a time when Harry would do such a thing, not wanting her to be all sad. It was supposed to be a celebration, but even you could admit that is was pretty hard-hitting.

"Really mum?" She asked.

You booped her nose annoyingly, before answering. "Every night if you want him to."

The lights changed from their green tone, thanks to Kiwi, back to a bright, white light. It beamed on Harry, making him look even more like the angel that he is. He dragged his microphone back to the centre stage and took a deep breath for beginning a speech he'd told you he'd prepared.

"So this is it, my friends." He laughed sadly into the microphone. He brushed his hair back and took out his in-ears to hear the audience. They were all awwing and crying, but what else did you expect? Their favourite artist was retiring - who wouldn't be crying a river?

"I, um. I'd like to take a bit of time to thank certain people." He coughed, something he always did after performing Kiwi due to his asthma. You thought it was lovely that he'd planned a speech to thank his management and crew. They did so much work backstage and you definitely didn't think they got enough credit for their hard work.

"Okay. I've made a little list..." Harry pulled out a tiny bit of crumpled paper from his pocket. "Just in case I forget anyone." He joked to himself, but made everyone laugh anyways. "So I guess first off, I should start with you lovely people." He pointed around the whole stadium, showing he was talking about the fans. "What you have done for me is indescribable. I think to myself, everyday, am I worthy of even being here—"

"Yes!" An army of agreement echoed around the arena, making Harry stop, blush and smile to himself.

"Well thank you! Um. You have been the best fans ever, and I know you will continue to be. I know you don't owe me anything, but all I ask you to keep loving yourselves and treating people with kindness, because I know I can count on you lot to do that, for me." He sniffled at the end, making you bite your lip to prevent the tears from falling for you. He looked so vulnerable right now, but you knew he'd be feeling on top of the world.

"Jheez." He sniffles again. "That's one thank you down and i'm already crying." He looked to his band to share the joke with.

“Dad’s such a wuss.” Oli laughed, holding his arm around Beas waist, making the people around you chuckle in agreement.

“Shut up you - Mr-tears-in-your-eyes!” You pointed out, laughing as he flipped you the bird - which then got him a hit off his grandma Anne.

All of Harrys family and friends were here, in a special cornered off section. It was such a thoughtful thing for Harry to do. All his family, and a fair few of yours, were sat down along with Harrys closest friends. Everyone was sharing laughs and drinks, whilst using every inch of space to dance along to your husbands boastful music.

"Secondly, my touring family. From Jeff and Ben, to Sarah's Kitchen, Adam, Mitch, Sarah, Charlotte and Nyoh, not forgetting everyone backstage and behind the lights, music and cameras. You've all been the greatest. Everything you do is second to none. You're all talented, warm-hearted, people whom I will carry in my heart forever. Thank you." You noticed members of the crew and band starting to tear up now.

"Moving on to my boys. We've been through it all, lads, and I couldn't have asked for four better brothers than you all. Louis. Liam. Niall. Zayn. Thank you." Everyone cheered ten times louder, maybe because this was as close to a One Direction reunion as the fans were ever going to get, but definitely because Harry had mentioned Zayn. You saw a girl faint at the mere mention of all the boys in the same sentence. The boys lifted up their beers to Harry, stood close by to where you were standing.

"I guess I should say thank you to the women who made all this possible. Mum. Gem. Thank you for signing me up all those years ago. Thank you for believing in me. You've made me the - crap, sorry! - the man I am now and I love you both." Harry prayed to them both, whilst bowing, and swiftly wiped away the tears afterwards. Anne and Gemma, on the other hand, were proudly crying.

"Ol, Fix and Belles. You rascals make me get out of bed every morning and give me more of a purpose in life. You four give me so much joy and happiness. I love you all, even if you do drive me up the wall on an early Saturday morning! Thank you, my loves." You stood close to all your children, giving them the support they needed in this moment. Belle was crying against your chest, the ever-so-emotional woman she was. Felix was stood up, with Heather, with his drink raised to his dad. Oli was to your side, trying to remain cool and stoic, but you still caught the tears that ran down his face.

"Now." The audience calmed down again after awing over your babies. Harry cleared his throat before beginning again. "This evening keeps on reminding me of a very special person in my life. Someone who is my everything and that's my beautiful wife, Y/N." His words make your breath hitch in your throat. You never expected him to say anything about you. I mean, what had you done?

"Mum." Belle called out to you, in affirmation that this was real.

"She's more than just a wife. She's a lover. She's my muse. She's my best-fucking-friend, apologises for swearing but sue me. I was hesitant to let go of all this, at first. What would I do with myself now? You know? People tell me i'm 'happiest on stage', and for a time that was true. Until I met Y/N. She's made me realise that family makes me the happiest. She makes me the happiest." He jumped down off stage, taking the microphone with him. He ran his hands along the fans in the front row, but had no intention of stopping until he met you.

You felt Belle leaving your side, but you were too captivated by Harry to fully understand what was happening.

"So what am I going to do now, you ask? Well..." Harry cheekily smiled at you. "I'm going to make her the happiest woman alive, just as she makes me the happiest man." You began to cry again and the chorus of thousands of fans clapping and screaming surrounds you, only to all stop when his lips meet yours. He tasted like a combination of salty sweat and mint, but he was home. After a minute of crying, kissing and 'i love yous' , Harry ran back to the stage before Jeff could shoot him.

"Thank you all. All my love." He said whilst adjusting his microphone. "Please sing along if you know the words." He asked, full well knowing every single person will be screaming out the lyrics to him.

"Just stop you're crying it's the sign of the times. Welcome to the final show. Hope you're wearing your best clothes."

[wordsablaze]

12~ i’ll be your lighthouse

tell me your problems (i’ll chase them away) Internal scars can be difficult to deal with but Eskel vows to heal any that Jaskier is weighed down by if it’s the last thing he does…

A/N: i didn’t think i’d finish this in time but i felt like spiting that spoiler so happy valentine’s !!

@random-nerd-3 @betaray-jones @w-s-kibela @in-love-with-writing002 @screaming-flapjacks @havenoffandoms @lasaga666 @mayastormborn

previous chapter

-

“Ow, Scorpion!” Eskel grumbles as said horse headbutts him. 

It’s the third time she’s done so in the last two minutes and at this point, it’s safe to conclude she’s trying to complain about Jaskier taking too long. Eskel would agree with her but he doesn’t actually know how long it’s supposed to take anyone to purchase several items at a tailor’s so he sticks to waiting. 

And waiting. 

And waiting.

And being headbutted by Scorpion twice more.

And waiting.

And-

“Eskel!” 

He turns his head to see Jaskier beaming at him, a small bag slung over his shoulder. It takes him a moment to realise what’s changed but he feels like a fool when he does for the bard is now wearing an entirely new outfit and it’s such a blatant contrast from his previous faded blue look that he has no idea how he nearly missed it.

“Well, what do you think?” Jaskier asks, his eyes bright. 

Eskel blinks. “It’s very different.” 

And it is. Although his chemise is a dark grey that’s only one shade away from looking like a shadow, both his doublet and his breeches are a deep red, decorated with spiralling silver patterns and black buttons that look far too delicate to function properly. 

Jaskier rolls his eyes. “Thank you, darling, I hadn’t noticed.” 

“And it looks, uh, very striking,” Eskel offers, still internally trying to get over how well the colour somehow makes his eyes seem even brighter. 

Thankfully, Jaskier doesn’t seem too bothered by disjointed feedback, turning his attention to Scorpion when she steps towards him, gently running his fingers down her mane. “Sorry I took so long but not to worry, dear girl, I found you some apples.”

Eskel watches, transfixed, as Jaskier pulls an apple out of his pocket and offers it up to her, this time with no hesitation or guilt whatsoever; it’s oddly relieving to know the two are on such good terms for some reason.

“I really am sorry I took so long, Rafal was just finishing something else up - a spectacular dress I must say - and wouldn’t let me leave until I bought two sets even though I told him several times that someone was waiting for me!”

Chuckling, Eskel shakes his head. “It’s okay, we didn’t mind the wait. Especially not if it means you look so much more, uh…”

Jaskier smiles. “Like myself? Like a bard? Like someone you’d wish to be seen with? Like a true master of the liberal arts?” 

Eskel starts nodding, only to frown. Before he can voice his complaint at Jaskier’s phrasing, Jaskier clears his throat. “So, should we get going? You mentioned travelling north, I believe. Piana would be the obvious next place to stop, though if you intend not to appreciate being able to sleep under a solid roof for as long as possible, then I suppose we could simply follow the river?”

“We can stop at an inn,” Eskel says first, a little confused. 

“Great! I’m almost certain I’ve never ruined any marriages there so it should work out perfectly. Shall we?” Jaskier asks, holding out a hand.

Eskel is too busy wondering how Jaskier breezes through conversation so smoothly to catch up in time and unfortunately, he only figures he’s missed something when the air turns sour around them. 

Cursing internally, he blinks himself back into the present. It’s only a second later that he notices Jaskier pulling his hand back. He reaches out to grab it before Jaskier gets the wrong impression, gently entwining their fingers. “Hey, what happened?”

Jaskier exhales slowly. “I thought for a moment that you might have… changed your mind. About the- this,” he manages, squeezing Eskel’s hand.

“Not for as long as I live, bardling,” Eskel promises; he’s more than proud of the small, honey-scented smile he receives in reply.

Scorpion headbutts him again, at which point he remembers what he was going to ask. “You said you only bought two sets?”

“Yes?” Jaskier frowns. “I did try telling him I only really needed one of each thing but Rafal was so adamant, you should have seen him! A lecture on fashion to rival my own, truly! But I honestly didn’t mean to-”

“No no, Jaskier, wait,” Eskel interrupts, “It’s okay. I’m glad you got more than one, that was the point after all. I just meant to ask if you’d like Scorpion to carry the bag, it doesn’t seem heavy and we’re both walking so it’s no trouble for her.”

Jaskier’s mouth forms almost a perfect circle before his cheeks flush and he nods. “Oh. Well, that would be lovely. You are most certainly the kindest man to grace the continent!”

Eskel can’t help wondering what kind of men Jaskier is used to dealing with if he thinks such simple compassion is so difficult to encounter. There’s one obvious answer but he’s certain Jaskier’s expectations are rooted in far more than just his time with Geralt so he holds off on cursing him this time. 

He also briefly wonders if there’s anything in the bag at all, it’s so light in comparison to when he has to carry his armour anywhere, but Jaskier hadn’t smelt like he was lying so he doesn’t risk worrying him by asking as he attaches it to Scorpion.

“Could I-?” Jaskier cuts himself off, then takes a deep breath and tries again. “Could I have my lute back?”

“You don’t need to ask,” Eskel replies, easily handing it to him. 

Jaskier nods, visibly relieved, and slings the lute over his shoulder where the bag had been. Though it seems as though the bag had been a substitute for the lute case if the way Jaskier’s whole frame seems to relax is anything to go by. It reminds him of how comforting it is to feel his swords at his back and he’s glad that Jaskier had felt confident enough to ask for such comfort. 

With that, they set off, Eskel keeping Scorpion’s reins in one hand and Jaskier’s hand in the other. It’s a little odd to have both his hands occupied but he can’t say he’s complaining. If he’s honest, he’s doing the exact opposite of complaining. 

“Why red?” Eskel asks eventually. 

Jaskier jumps, his grip on Eskel’s hand fleetingly tightening to an almost painful level. He chuckles softly as his pulse slows to its normal speed. “Quite simply, darling, it reminded me of you. I thought it would only be fair for my first new look to reflect the one who prompted its existence.”

Eskel has to close his eyes for a moment in order to process that. He’s not sure what he’d been imagining - something to do with poetic contrasts or rebuilding, perhaps - but such casual sincerity hadn’t even registered as a possibility and he’s pretty certain the newfound warm twisting of his stomach relates to being honoured. 

“Thank you,” he says quietly, “but you really didn’t have to.” 

Jaskier turns to him with an eyebrow raised. “And you didn’t have to delay our travels in the first place but here we are. Now stop rejecting my gratitude or I will force you to listen to it in every single tavern we stop by.”

“Aren’t you already doing that?” Eskel points out.

“That doesn’t count!” Jaskier argues. “That one is beneficial for both of us.”

It probably is, but Eskel has a feeling their reasoning would be rather different. He doesn’t say anything else, though, just gently tugs Jaskier close until their shoulders are brushing and appreciates the way his breath hitches before he relaxes again, smelling sweetly of silk and sunshine. 

He’s never before been in such close contact with someone for so long but it’s a pleasant change. Jaskier starts humming after a while, swinging their hands in tune with whatever he’s singing in his head, and Eskel has to force himself not to distract or interrupt him because good gods the experience is so soothing. 

Predictably, Jaskier freezes once he stops humming, looking for all the world like a kitten caught pushing something off a table. “I’m sorry, I-”

“Don’t need to apologise,” Eskel finishes for him with a smile that he wishes could be as soft as he intends it to be. 

“Right,” Jaskier agrees, then laughs. “You haven’t heard that one before, have you?”

Eskel shakes his head. “Should I recognise it?”

“I would be surprised if you did,” Jaskier says, “for I got it from a crumbling tome written in elder that I stole from an ancient crypt deep within the forests.” 

“You what?” Eskel frowns, not sure whether or not he should be concerned that Jaskier is inadvertently summoning vengeful spirits or the like with whatever it is he’s using to pass the time. 

It takes Jaskier a minute to stop laughing. “Okay, I lied. It wasn’t buried in a crypt and I didn’t steal anything… that time. But it was from an old tome written in elder.” 

Eskel sighs but gives in and laughs when Scorpion nudges him, causing Jaskier to grin happily.  “Clearly one of you thought it was amusing, what brilliant taste she has! Hey, that deserves better than an eye-roll!”

“Perhaps,” Eskel admits, almost guilty about said eye-roll. Almost. 

Jaskier snorts. “We both know you’re secretly amused too. So, do you want to hear it? Do you know elder?”

Eskel shrugs. “A little. Probably not enough to understand your song, though.”

“We’ll see!” 

And so they do. Except Eskel doesn’t see because he understands perhaps a dozen of the couple hundred words Jaskier sings, but it sounds enchanting all the same. It also feels enchanting because Jaskier taps out the rhythm onto the back of Eskel’s hand as he sings and he’d be lying if he said his whole arm doesn’t feel the resulting warmth. 

He’s not sure what to make of the words themselves; Jaskier’s tone is filled with hope and agony and something wistful that sounds as if it’s been plucked from the dreams of fallen angels. His voice never wavers in the slightest and yet there is an unease to his singing, a promise that threatens to be broken, a wish stuck between being fulfilled and being destroyed. It’s beautiful and it’s painful and it’s nothing he’s ever heard before.

Jaskier is breathless when he stops, face flushed and eyes sparkling, and Eskel wishes he knew more of what had been sung so he could adequately express his admiration. “That was magnificent,” he whispers finally.

“It is,” Jaskier agrees after catching his breath, his grin so wide it looks like it’s about to break free of his face altogether. “It was years ago but it feels like just yesterday that I learned it. I don’t even understand every word but it still makes sense together, like a mystery that can only be solved if it’s being sung.”

Eskel has no idea what he means but it sounds poetic and seems to fit him perfectly so he just hums in acknowledgement and lets silence wash over them as they continue. Not that the silence lasts long.

“Why do you wear red then?” Jaskier asks.

Unprepared for such a question, Eskel draws a blank. “It hides the bloodstains?”

Their hands being firmly tied together means he’s forced to stop walking when Jaskier freezes on the spot, his face a comical epitome of shock.

“Gods, Jaskier, I- I was joking. It’s not really- It’s just a nice colour,” Eskel blurts, torn between laughing and cursing at himself for being so thoughtless. 

He swears he can literally see Jaskier’s exhale. It only takes a few moments for him to recover and use his index finger to poke Eskel’s chest. “Don’t ever joke about bloodstains like that. I am well aware that you witchers like to think you can get injured and bleed out and stitch yourselves up as you please but you can’t. You can’t and you shouldn’t and I swear if I was in charge of things, I would have it outlawed to- to not take care of yourselves. You horrible, selfless, insensitive, beautiful beings. No! Ugh, that was meant to be an insult.”

Eskel is still torn between laughing and cursing but now he’s aware of a much more tempting third option, which is to wrap his arms around Jaskier and hold him close for a moment. A long moment. Several long moments, really. 

Jaskier buries his head in Eskel’s neck so Eskel lifts one arm to curl his hand around the back of Jaskier’s head, gently running his hand through his hair. Jaskier shivers at the touch but only holds on tighter so Eskel takes that as a sign to continue, waiting patiently as the wilting flowers in the distance between them fade into calmer waves of ink and rose and sunrise.

“I’m sorry,” Eskel murmurs.

Sighing softly, Jaskier pulls back. “No, I’m sorry. I…”

“You don’t need to explain yourself,” Eskel says, even though he would very much appreciate an explanation for such a fierce response. 

Jaskier shakes his head, brushing non-existent tears from his eyes. “I need you to know it wasn’t your fault… It was the... song. It’s a rather powerful tale and I forgot how hellish it is to convey. There are a lot of emotions involved in storytelling, you know?”

He doesn’t, not really.

And he wants to ask about the song, about whatever it is Jaskier had been singing about. He wants to ask what was being said and what the mystery entailed and why it was hellish to convey but the last thing he wants is for Jaskier to panic and spiral into guilt so he swallows his questions down.

“I can imagine,” he says, offering a smile.

Jaskier grins at that, raising both hands and placing them gently on either side of his face, his thumb stroking careful lines across his cheeks. “You have the sweetest smile, Eskel.”

When Eskel makes to pull back, Jaskier leans forward and draws him close until their noses are pressed together, his hands keeping his head where it is without hurting him even in the slightest. “Don’t run from my words, darling, they’re only the truth and they’ll catch up with you in the end.” 

“Why does that sound like it’s a threat?” Eskel asks, his throat strangely clogged. 

Laughing, Jaskier brushes his thumbs across Eskel’s cheeks again, this time tracing his scars. “It is a threat. I’m very threatening.” 

Eskel laughs. He hears Scorpion huff behind him and that only makes him laugh harder, Jaskier joining in until they’re both forced to let go of each other lest they topple over and hurt themselves. Well, falling over wouldn’t exactly hurt a witcher but Eskel doesn’t want to take any risks on the behalf of bards.

“Shut up, I can be threatening!” Jaskier exclaims, but he’s too busy trying to catch his breath from laughing too hard to sound as if he’s telling the truth. 

“Of course. I feel very threatened,” Eskel teases, but it’s not quite a lie. 

A part of him certainly feels threatened, the part that never before considered his smile sweet or his voice kind or his actions worthy of song. Though perhaps that’s a threat worth embracing, he thinks. Then Jaskier’s hand slips back into his and he decides it’s most definitely a threat worth embracing, with both arms wide open. 

Scorpion must agree with him for she nearly breaks his nose as she moves her head, forcing him to step closer to Jaskier until they’re back to their arms brushing as they walk, falling perfectly into step with one another.

“The murky depths of a hollow love, the lies that you see above… the surface…” 

Eskel groans as Jaskier starts singing again, still not remotely comfortable with hearing about himself so often, but both of them know it’s more of a performatory complaint because being immortalised in song is an honour he won’t refuse. 

He has no idea how Jaskier can walk and sing at the same time and he makes a mental note to pause for a break once the song is complete. The lyrics all but wash over him as they walk because he’s too focused on the way Jaskier keeps swinging their arms or tapping on his skin to keep himself in tune, and this time there's no subtle melancholy to watch out for.

“Be not afraid if danger is near…” 

He does glance sideways at that, though, because he’s pretty sure Jaskier had mentioned a siren as opposed to generic danger before, but Jaskier is grinning and winks at him when their eyes meet.

“For the rose of the wolves will hold your hand.” 

Eskel smiles back at that, tightening his grip on Jaskier’s hand. He doesn’t quite know how to convey that he feels the same way so he just raises an eyebrow. “I could have sworn that rhymed last time.”

Jaskier splutters in offence for a moment before elbowing him. “It’s not as though I’ll be singing that line in taverns, it wouldn’t be right for dozens of strangers to steal your lovely hands away.”

“Not to worry, bardling, It’s not a service I offer to just anyone,” Eskel laughs, frankly not convinced that anyone else would even be interested. 

“Well I intend to take full advantage.” Jaskier winks again. 

His face now all but aching from smiling for much longer than he’s used to, Eskel nods. “The pleasure will be all mine.”

Jaskier beams at him, his face still flushed from having sung for so long, and Eskel is absolutely sure that had their positions been reversed, he’d likely have sung that into a ballad of some sort.

“We should probably take a break,” Eskel says a couple minutes later once they reach a suitable place to stop, a small clearing visible not too far from the road.

As if on cue, Scorpion neighs and stops walking. 

“Well, I can’t argue with that,” Jaskier chuckles. 

And when they settle to eat this time, they’re sat right beside one another, their elbows bumping and their knees knocking together every so often, and Eskel marvels at how something so new and unfamiliar and borderline threatening can also seem so right.

-

okay, i know it’s not quite valentine’s-worthy romance but there’s only one braincell between them and scorpion has it atm-

-

thanks for reading! masterlist | witcher sideblog: @itsjaskier | next chapter

[loveactionsspeaklouder]

we belong together - kylian mbappé and julian draxler fanfic

10| Hold On

a/n: the song used in this chapter is Chord Overstreet - Hold on - check it out!!

february 2024| paris

Molly glanced at her watch and then her computer screen; she was sat at her desk in the Camp des Loges, patiently waiting for her work day to be finished. It had been two weeks since her conversation with Kylian and she still hadn't seen Adam, his work holiday had lasted longer than expected. Maybe I could look him up, she thought. She knew it was silly, but it was the only option she had. It wasn't like she didn't trust Adam, she just wanted to be certain about her decision. The conversation with Kylian had hit her hard, she realised how cruel she was being.

After having to spend the past fourteen days alone in her apartment, she knew she could do a lot of thinking about the decisions in her life she was desperately needing to make. Molly found herself always wanting to talk to Julian, she was starting to develop strong feelings for him. They kept their distance, not wanting to do anything until she had fully spoken to Adam.

Kylian, on the other hand, was miserable. His pregnant fiancé was somewhere in Italy, posing for the cameras, leaving him all alone in their shared home. He remembered the last time Rosalie was away for a long period, he would find himself fulfilling his needs with his former girlfriend. He realised he couldn't do that now; a, she didn't want to speak to him and b, their affair didn't exist anymore. And you only have yourself to blame, he reminded himself. Like Molly said, you always choose Rosalie.

....

february 2024| paris

"What are you doing here Julian?" Molly chuckled. It was a quiet Thursday night; laptop was open with work, music was on the TV, wine was in her glass and she was alone, but she was okay with that. She needed the wine to calm herself down, she knew Adam was due back at the weekend.

"I wanted to see you," Julian blushed. He kissed her cheek and rested himself on the couch, patting the space next to him. She rolled her eyes and closed the door, walking over to where he was sat and straddling his lap. He softly ran his hands down her thighs.

"Did you miss me Juju?" she sniggered. She pinched his cheeks and pecked his nose. He glared at the use of her new nickname for him; he preferred it to the nickname Freddie had given him, Julie. Molly playfully pouted at his reaction and snuggled her head into the crook of his neck. "I'm happy you're here."

Julian tenderly stroked her cheek; he moved his lips closer to hers, stopping a few millimetres apart. "Are you sure?" he whispered. Molly nodded and wrapped her arms around his neck. He grinned and passionately kissed her, moving his hands to her waist to pull her closer to his body. They kissed for a few minutes, only pulling away to take a breath. "When's Adam ba...?"

"I love this song," Molly interrupted. "Please can we dance?" she begged. Julian chuckled at her enthusiasm but agreed, he stood up and intertwined their fingers, walking over to a free space. It wasn't a secret that she knew how to move her body, but neither of them had danced with each other. She wrapped her arms around his neck, whilst he placed his hands on her hips. She rested her head on his chest and closed her eyes, listening to the lyrics.

Hold on, I still want you

Come back, I still need you

Julian closed his eyes and delicately held Molly's body. He missed the feeling he got when he was with her; their romance didn't last long, but it was long enough for him to fall completely in love with the brunette. He didn't admit it back then, but it broke his heart to see her with Kylian. But he loved her and he only wanted what was best for her. He now hoped that she felt the same.

Let me take your hand, I'll make it right

I swear to love you all my life

Hold on, I still need you

He intertwined their fingers and gently spun her around. She softly giggled at him continuing to turn at a slow place. Julian gazed at Molly with adoration; in his eyes, she was perfect, she was everything he had wanted. He wrapped his arms back around her body, breathing in her scent. He tenderly kissed her forehead, resting his head on her shoulder before closing his eyes again.

Hold on, I still want you

Come back, I still need you

He opened his eyes and caught her gaze. He couldn't help but smile at the sight; a rosy-cheeked Molly, her blue eyes shining and her lips slightly parted. He cupped her cheeks and moved his lips closer. "Hold on, I still want you. Come back, I still need you," Julian quietly sang along, his eyes glossy. "I knew you were still in there."

She laughed at his actions (mainly because of his terrible, but cute, singing). She grabbed his hands and softly swayed them, the alcohol in her veins allowing her to chuckle more. "I tried so hard," Molly confessed. "But you are the only person who can bring it out of me."

Julian pushed her hair out her eyes and kissed her forehead. "I don't think it's wrong for you to change some aspects of who you are," he softly spoke. "But I don't want you to lose yourself again. I'm here and I'm not going anywhere."

....

february 2024| paris

Molly was finally about to have her much needed conversation with Adam. He had returned home from his business trip; she'd had a few days to rehearse what she was going to say, but as she found herself sat in front of him, she still didn't have a clue how she was going to word it. "How was your trip?"

"Fine," Adam nervously smiled. He chewed his lip and gazed at the brunette. She looked happy, he hoped the news he was about to tell her didn't ruin that. "Moll, I need to tell yo..."

"You fucking arsehole!" Molly's jaw dropped when she saw Kylian swing her apartment door open, his eyes full of rage. He slammed the door shut and walked closer to Adam, connecting his fist with the Englishman's face. "You're a piece of shit, how could you!"

Molly moved herself in-between the two men, shoving the Frenchman to the other couch. "Stop!" she screamed. She passed Adam a bag of ice and turned to face Kylian, she narrowed her eyes at him and shot him a questioning look. "Are you going to tell me what's going on?"

He sarcastically chuckled, glaring at the figure behind her. "Why don't you ask him," he scoffed. "Have you asked him where he's been the past two weeks?"

"Molly hear me out, I..."

"Hear you out? You should be lucky I haven't punched you again," Kylian spat. Molly shushed him and turned to Adam, softening her eyes and placing a hand over his, waiting for his response. "Oh, I can't wait for this."

He took a deep breath, removing the ice from his bruised cheek. "I was with Rosalie," he started. Molly rapidly blinked, confused at what she was hearing. She looked at Kylian, who was tapping a finger on his knee, trying to contain the growing anger building up inside of him. "We bumped into each other in Italy; she was there for a shoot and I was there for work, I don't know how but our paths crossed."

"What happened between you two?"

"We started talking about our relationships and bonded," Adam sighed. He took a quick glance at Molly, she calmingly smiled at him. "She was there longer than I was, so I decided to stay. We went out one night and I got drunk and kissed her."

Molly stayed silent, processing the information she had just heard. She realised she couldn't be angry, she had done far worse. She was more disappointed in Rosalie, knowing her situation with Kylian. But he's done worse to her. She heard him move from the couch and angrily walked towards her bedroom, banging the door shut. She went over and hugged Adam, softly whispering in his ear. "I'm not angry. I'll go speak to him."

She ran a hand through her hair before opening the door, she saw Kylian looking out of the window. She walked over and wrapped her arms around his waist, resting her head on his shoulder. "You know you can't be angry."

"I know," he exhaled. "That's what's making it fucking worse."

"Kylian, look at me," Molly demanded. She spun him around, cupping his cheeks. She noticed the hurt in his eyes. He really cares about her, she thought. "We need to forget this happened. I can't tell Adam the truth; not only did we kiss, but we flipping slept together. You're going to be a father, I can't ruin that for you."

"So, what are you going to do? Keep lying to him," Kylian suddenly yelled. He folded his arms with an angry frown on his face. "I can't see you with anyone else."

"You're not listening to me," she mumbled. She sat on the bed, closed her eyes and slowly rubbed circles on her temples. "You're going to be a father, I can't take you away from that. We aren't good for each other Ky; I love you but I can't be with you."

"So, you just keep lying and pre..."

"Who's lying about what?" Adam unexpectedly questioned. Molly looked up and saw him leaning against the door, she loudly sighed and held her head in her hands. "Am I interrupting something?"

"Yes," Kylian hissed. Adam raised an eyebrow, he was trying to piece together what was going on. He remembered some of the conversations with Rosalie, he found it strange how protective Kylian was of Molly. He looked between the pair, eyeing his girlfriend. "Leave."

"No!" Molly abruptly stood up and moved closed to Adam. "I've been lying to you," she started. "The reason I wasn't mad about what happened between you and Rosalie, is because I've done something worse."

"What?"

"I've been having an affair, for the past couple of weeks."

Adam was speechless. He shook his head and sat down, pushing Molly's hand away when she attempted to touch him. He looked up at her, his eyes dark and full of rage. "With who?" his voice coming out low and intimidating. She eyed Kylian and gulped, he went to grab her hand but she spoke first, rendering him to speechless.

"Julian."

....

a/n: everything is coming out now!!! so, rosalie and adam... unexpected! finally he knows about molly’s affair (even if it is with the wrong person, but yolo) 

who do we prefer - kylian and molly OR julian and molly??

stay safe xxx

[solasan]

hahahehehhoo number 14 for june and adam perhaps...

#14: a kiss so desperate that the two wind around each other, refusing to let go until they are finished

set in a hypothetical book-3 ending, 1.2k

There are several moments, near the end of things, when Adam thinks that the detective is dead.

He cannot measure these moments in heartbeats, as is his custom, for quite suddenly he finds those to be off-balance, irregular, unreliable as they have not been in over nine centuries. Nor, unfortunately, can he measure them in breaths, because his stopped the moment that he watched June fall in a spray of all-too-familiar scarlet.

He measures them, instead, in actions. The time that it takes for his fist to clench, for his arm to extend. The seconds he feels bone crunch beneath his blows, his knuckles splitting and then bruising and then healing. The number of Trappers between him and the spot where June dropped, and how many are soon dispatched by his onslaught.

Something is roaring in his ears; he cannot parse sound through the rush, as though his head were being held underwater. All he can see is the blood on the floor, the long line of June’s pale forearm where it’s splayed across the concrete, still.

The room smells copper-sweet, intoxicating; of course it does, Adam realises a moment later, because it smells like her. Like strawberries bursting in the mouth, like the memory of humanity on his tongue; mortal and rich and ripe.

Except that it’s June, and so the hunger is brushed aside with the ease of long-time habit, an ache in his gums and his throat that Adam is so used to ignoring he only barely takes note of it.

There is a Trapper stood over her. There is a Trapper stood over her, and still she is not moving.

If only he could get to them—

Morgan snarls somewhere behind him; a Trapper goes flying into the wall with a loud crunch. Farah is swearing, darting out of a man’s reach with swift, sure feet, and when she wrenches his head down into her knee, she does it with a triumphant cry. Nate, behind them all, has knocked a woman to her knees, and he doesn’t hesitate even a moment to hit her over the head with the chair he’s grasped.

None of them see. None of them see.

A Trapper comes whirling into Adam’s path and he side-steps them, grabbing their arm and bending it until it snaps, and then he keeps moving, because he is the only one who sees, because the man is bending down to pick June up, and because she is not moving.

Until.

Until suddenly she is.

He doesn’t see what happens, because a woman has made the mistake of trying to knock him down, and he is momentarily occupied with proving to her why she should never again do such a thing.

But when he is done, the Trapper is gone. And June — beautiful, beautiful June, with blood dripping from her nose, with her teeth bared in a snarl that would make any vampire proud — is not.

She turns— their eyes clash, green on brown. She is not gone. She is not dead. She is here. 

She is alive.

He does not know what happens next. When he tries to recount it later — which he will, many times, turning the memory over and over between his palms until it is creased and dog-eared and thin — he will not be able to say how these events coalesced into what they did, only that it happened.

June grins at him as he finally draws closer, her teeth shining scarlet from her still-pouring nose, and she starts to say, “see? I told you I could—”

And then his mouth is crashing down on hers, and there’s nothing else.

Or— no. Perhaps rather he means: there’s everything else.

She makes a little sound of surprise against his lips, startled in that pure, soft kind of way she so rarely is, and then her hand is passing over his jaw, his cheek, to knot in his hair.

Adam has wondered many times what she might taste like. More times than he would like to admit; more times than he should have, given who he is, who she is. Sweet, he always thought. She would be sweet, like sugared coffee and donuts and fruit. Like pomegranates, perhaps. Like spring.

She is not sweet. Her lips taste of blood and sweat and fear, like touching his tongue to a flaming match or a livewire. Like being struck by lightning. He drinks her down as though she were a glass of fine wine, committing every tang and taste to memory; here, how the ichor of her darkens, thickens, grows rich under his touch; there, how her skin turns to salt, singing in his senses until it is all he can taste, all he can feel, all he can hear.

She does not taste like sugar. She tastes like life.

Her nails scrape against his scalp and he sighs, leaning into her fingers— and then her lips part and they share one breath, two, before she darts the wet stripe of her tongue against him.

And then he is pulling her closer, June who is alive, June who is not his but might as well be, June who returns colour to the world as though it had never left.

He is folding her into him, now, one hand at the small of her back while the other cradles her skull as though it were a precious, priceless thing. Which it is, it is; his fingers flex against the soft hair there, and he wonders whether he might feel her thinking, if he tried hard enough.

And perhaps she is thinking the same thing, because her hold on his hair tightens, her other hand knotting in his shirt, above his heart — which is racing, racing so fast he cannot keep up, and does she know what she does to him, does she feel it now, does she understand how truly and thoroughly she has undone him? — and staying there.

One of them invites the other in. Is this not always the way? Someone must always let the monster in. Someone must always open the door.

His tongue slides over hers, their noses knocking together, the two of them open now to the core, and still it is not enough, still he needs more—

How has he not kissed her before this? How can he allow a moment to pass again where he is not kissing her? For her mouth is like nectar, like wine; the kiss quickens, and he cannot say which of them it is that dives deeper, knows only that they are the both of them drowning, lost in the brush of lips and teeth and tongues.

“Adam—” she gasps out, lips still brushing his, breaths heaving in the space between them, and for a moment this is all there is. His name on her tongue, her fingers around his heart. Two bodies, alight where they touch.

And then Morgan scoffs. “You guys are disgusting.”

“Morgan!” Nate hisses.

And Adam remembers.

He remembers who he is, who she is. Where they are, and all he has lost. All he could stand yet to lose.

Her body is so warm in his arms. Like fire; all-consuming and bright and terrifying, licking over everything he loves before it swallows it whole.

“Adam,” Ju— the detective says again.

And nothing has changed.

[doof-doofblog]

"Another Time, Yeah?"

Tuesday 15th June 2021

(Part One & Part Two)

Hello again everyone, as promised I'm back with another post - 3 blog posts from me this week, that's more than I did last week!! But anyway I'm going to review everything from Tuesday's episodes in this post.  

So without further ado, I'm going to begin with mentioning Ruby. The day after her second miscarriage, Martin is surprised to learn that once again she has every intention of going to work and forgetting about the events that have occurred. Martin tries his best to convince his wife to rest for the rest of the day but as Ruby tries to explain her reasons for wanting to go to work, she notices the screen on Martin's laptop, it shows that he's been looking up options for IVF.

Understandably, Martin is trying to help in any way he can to make sure he and his wife have they family they've been longing for. However Ruby makes the valid point that it's not the getting pregnant that's the problem, it's being able to stay pregnant. Martin tries to explain that if they really want to have a family they can consider other options available, but Ruby then drops the bombshell that after everything she's gone through she really can't bring herself to go through any more trauma and loss. She informs Martin that instead of trying to fight to have a family, she's going to embrace the family she already has.

However, later Ruby is seen alone, visiting the memorial that she and Martin created for their lost baby, she gently adds another stone to commemorate the second baby she has lost. As the camera spins we see that just across the patch of grass, Jean is sat on her own but as she turns around and notices Ruby, she joins her. Jean realises exactly what's happening and speaks softly to her. Informing Jean about the decision to not try for another baby and to accept the family she has, Jean makes a very touching statement - "You know what I see? I don't see a woman who's given up, I see a woman who's grieving, and I believe there's still a lot of fight in you!" - as beautiful as those words are, it completely hits Ruby to the core and she softly begins to cry, such a moving moment.

--

The next thing I'm going to mention is Tiffany and Keegan. It's the day of their photoshoot and Tiffany is completely excited about the press and media attention. Wanting to get her name out there also, she informs Keegan that she's come up with a name for their joint business - Something along the lines of "ButcherBakerBeauty-Baps?" ... (I'm sure they'll come up with a better name eventually!) Suddenly when Tiffany sees herself in the mirror she's horrified to see that the day of their photoshoot she been graced with a spot on her chin, frantically she begins to flap, claiming that she needs to look good for their photoshoot - I have to be honest the main thought that was entering my mind at this point was "The photoshoot isn't even meant to be hers so why is she making such a fuss?" - without meaning to be mean, but I don't know I guess it just didn't sit right with me, she shouldn't be focusing on her and should be supporting her husband instead.

As Tiffany calls her friend in desperate need of some assistance, it seems that her friend manages to get someone round to do Tiffany's make-up. However when Tiffany compliments the stylist's skin, the lady informs her that she does cheat by using injections such as Botox and fillers. Realising that injecting herself with something could change her appearance to the way she wants, Tiffany urges the beautician to use the injections on her for her photoshoot - even though the beautician warns her it can be very pricey! Again, I have to be honest - as soon as I realised that Tiffany was going to ask for injections my mind just went racing - how much do you want to bet that Tiffany is going to become addicted to beauty injections?! It could be a possible new storyline for her which could end with serious consequences?

Even though she is thrilled with the end results, Tiffany is shocked to see the price she has to pay for the treatment and asks whether she can pay half now and pay the rest within in the next couple of days. Later as Keegan and Tiffany are enjoying the photoshoot - the photographer is keen on focusing on Keegan and asking him questions about his business. But when Keegan tries to turn their attention to Tiffany so she can promote her business/brand - you can see that the photographer is the least bit interested.

The next day, as everyone is gushing about the article in the newspaper about Keegan, Tiffany buys herself a newspaper hoping to see a whole page spread of herself and her husband in the newspaper. But she is visibly devastated when she realises that she hasn't even been mentioned and the whole article is about Keegan and his business. She later voices her annoyance and devastation to her friend Chloe, claiming that she has spent a fortune on injections for nothing! But worse still, how is her husband going to react when he finds out she's spending money on things she doesn't need!

Chloe then suggests that in a way to make as much money as she can so Keegan won't suspect anything is for her to flog diet pills. She claims she doesn't know how they work and has never used them but manages to sell them and get decent enough money for doing so. For a split moment I had hoped that Tiffany would know better than to sell some dodgy diet pills, but it looks as though she is very tempted. Later when she meets up with Bernie, she confides in her friend about the money she has spent on fillers to make herself look good for the photoshoot.

Of course Bernie is sympathetic towards her friends, but then suddenly Tiffany starts rummaging in her bag for something and empties out the contents of her bag, quickly Bernie notices the tubs of diet pills she's in possession of and asks where she got them from and whether they work, it's then that Bernie drops the bombshell that she needs to lose weight quickly, and Tiffany is a bit surprised by her choice of words, asking why "Quickly". It's then that finally Bernie feel able to tell someone about her plans and informs Tiffany that she's agreed to be Rainie and Stuart's surrogate, much to her best friend's shock. Tiffany warns Bernie to be careful where Rainie and Stuart are concerned because when she offered to be their surrogate she recalled that they didn't leave her alone. But Bernie is adamant that she needs the money for her family and claims that her Mum believes that she'll be getting a bonus from the call centre. Eventually she practically begs Tiff to allow her to use the diet pills, she claims she can be her guinea pig in a way and will pay her once she's made her money from the surrogacy. Tiffany looks really reluctant to do so but makes Bernie promise that she'll read the instructions before taking them.

Honestly, I fear this is going to be a massive downward spiral for the both of them. Tiffany getting hooked on beauty injections and then Bernadette getting addicted to diet pills and both making themselves ill. What do you guys think?! I'm really intrigued to hear your thoughts on this one!

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Elsewhere on the Square, Shirley is still reeling about the news of Linda's pregnancy, she still can't understand why she wasn't told much earlier on when she arrived back in Walford. She admits to Nancy and Frankie that she feels as though her family are shutting her out. I have to say though I loved the banter between the three of them in this scene. Nancy tries to swerve the conversation from her parents sex life to Shirley's own love life and happens to point out that she hasn't been with anyone since Buster!!!

Oh my goodness, do you guys remember Buster??? It was proven that he was in fact Mick's biological Dad, which makes him Nancy and Frankie's Grandad. Hearing that Frankie has a Grandad seemed to excite the girl, but she and Nancy still continue to make fun of Shirley - claiming that for her next birthday they're going to buy her a pair of slippers and a throw as they claim it's time for her to hang up her knee-high leather boots. I do love the jip that Shirley snaps back at them, it makes the whole scene much more comical and the dynamic between them all is just brilliant!

It's then they Frankie points to Terry sat on his own and urges Shirley to ask him for a drink, at first Shirley shows no interest but after being goaded by her Granddaughters, she eventually gets the courage to approach Terry and (in not so many words) informs him that he will be buying her a drink. The one thing that completely confused me though was that Terry called himself by the name "Rocky" as he introduced himself to Shirley, can anyone explain to me why? His name is Terry right? I don't understand where the "Rocky" came from? - Unless it's similar to Callum's name - Callum "Halfway" Highway?!

Meanwhile, as Terry agrees to have a quick drink with Shirley, Sonia is at home prepping a lovely roast dinner meal for herself and her Dad to celebrate and early Father's Day. But back in the pub, as Shirley and Terry begin to chat and get to know each other, Nancy and Frankie keep showering them with drinks. As the sisters notice that they appear to be getting on, Nancy places down another drink in front of them claiming it's on the house, while Frankie sneakily changes the time on the clock.

Terry is adamant he can only stay until 1pm as he has a lunch date with Sonia, but as he looks at clock to see he still has plenty of time, he continues to drink. Unfortunately though, both Frankie and Nancy reveal to each other that instead of giving them single vodka drinks, they've been serving them triple vodka's all shift. Eventually as things get a bit loud, Nancy and Frankie realise their mistake. Shirley and Terry are both drunkenly singing along to "Come On, Eileen!" and then eventually "I'm Gonna Be (500 Miles)".

I have to admit, even though it was hilarious watching drunk Shirley singing along to the music and having a laugh with Terry, you do feel sorry for Sonia as you realise that Terry has accidentally stood her up for her meal. Arriving at the Vic and seeing the drunken state her Dad is in, she demands Terry to leave Walford and to never come back. Over the next day or so, Terry is desperate to make it up to his daughter and he appears to think that the only way he can do it is to roll out the red carpet in her house for her and make her a meal of her own and instead of calling it "Father's Day" makes it a "Daughter's Day".

As Sonia agrees to give him one final chance, they make it up by taking a selfie together. But when Terry leaves his phone on the table and Sonia takes a look at the picture, she begins to scroll through his phone and sees that there are other photos of houses on his phone. What could these mean? Is he planning on moving to Albert Square for good? OR is he in some kind of business where some of the local properties are going to be knocked down? Who knows?!

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The next thing I have to mention is Kat and Phil. Kat is completely excited to learn that things are on the move where her business with Phil is concerned. Phil has confirmed that he has bought the laundrette for their business opportunity and they're just waiting for the paperwork to go through. Only her happiness doesn't seem to last for long as when she enters the café and is confronted by Sharon, it seems that Sharon warns her that anything that Phil is involved in is never legit. Although Sharon's relationship with Phil was completely different compared to Kat's relationship with him, it seems that Sharon's words fill Kat's head with doubt. Eventually she takes it upon herself to confront Phil, claiming she wants to see the paperwork to make sure everything they're doing is legit. She claims that she has already been prison once and doesn't want to end up there again, she needs to be completely certain that going into business with Phil is the right thing to do. I think people are too easy to judge Phil, they should give him a break, he informs Kat that he shouldn't listen to a word that Sharon's said and to trust him, he wants to focus on their future and having something in place for both of their children, but more importantly if she is wanting this as much as he does, then she needs to learn to trust him. I still think that if all goes well for these two, Kat and Phil could potentially be the new power couple on the Square! What do you think?!

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Lastly, Callum is still appearing to struggle with the trauma of what happened with his partner. The one person he's been able to confide in is Whitney. After anxiously waiting to hear news about his partner's condition, he was completely relieved when Ash informs him that Fitzy's operation was a success and he should make a full recovery.

As he excitedly informs Whitney about the good news, Whitney reminds him that he should tell Ben now, considering that Fitzy is going to be okay. Callum kind of shuts that comment down and asks Whitney whether she'll accompany him to the hospital to see his partner. However, without their knowledge, Ben sees them from across the Square getting into a cab together, I have to say Ben & Callum's married life hasn't really started off well has it? They've come back from their honeymoon, Phil is still reluctant to talk to either Callum or Ben as he stills holds a grudge against Callum for going behind his back, and Callum has had to deal with the trauma of witnessing his partner being stabbed on the job.

But even though Callum maybe wants to tell Ben about his, Ben did at the start find it hard to accept Callum in the police and had the cheek to ask him to quit, but realising that he loves Callum for who he is and not is job, changes his mind and just requests that Callum never speaks about work to him. So of course, with that in mind, Callum must feel that he has no one else to talk to about recent events, which is why he has leaned on Whitney over the past couple of days. But when Ben sees them getting into that car together, you can tell he's beginning to speculate what they could be up to.

Unfortunately, after returning from seeing Fitzy in the hospital, it looks like it hasn't really helped Callum cope with it, he begins to fret and lash out claiming it was his fault that he's in hospital with wires all attached to him. Almost hurting himself on the garden gate, Whitney acknowledges that she has seen Callum this way before, and it's all down to his PTSD - (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) - we know that he went through it when he was in the army, but now it appears to be resurfacing. The one thing that crossed my mind was, is Ben aware about Callum's PTSD? Has that always been a thing that Ben has known about, I'm a bit unsure?

However, it seems that Whitney is eager for Callum to inform his husband now more so than ever that what's been happening. But when Callum arrives home and Ben asks him how his day at work was, Callum lies to him once again claiming he's had a really busy day and just wants to have a shower alone. Now Ben knows that Callum is lying about being in work, so obviously he's going to be wondering what else he's lying about or not telling him. As Callum makes his way into the shower, Ben grabs his opportunity to search his rucksack and it seems he's completely stunned to find an engagement ring - of course he's going to be completely clueless and wondering why his husband has an engagement ring, but we know that before Fitzy was rushed to hospital, Fitzy gave it to Callum to give to his girlfriend.

I think Callum really needs to talk to Ben soon before he jumps to conclusions and lashes out, accusing Callum of something he's completely innocent of. Overall a good few episodes I have to say, I've really enjoyed being able to type up a couple of blogs this week, I was getting myself a little stressed out that I was so far behind and hadn't posted in a while, but again I want to thank you all for continuing to follow me and show your interest in my blog, it really means the world. Please feel free to send me any thoughts or opinions you may have on the current storylines. Enjoy the rest of your week and I'll be back very soon! Love you all xXx