#unlike my real like situation
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kidnap/captivity for the fetish asks!
10/10. i can't remember what the actual scoring system is but yeah. i fucking love kidnapping/captivity
and a lot of my f/os definitely feel the same. actually, quite a few of my f/os have dedicated "kidnaps me/si to be a pet/baby/general captive/etc." aus. ive actually been making them for a really long time; about the same amount of time ive been fictoqueer/a selfshipper/etc 😊
#in short: i hate this place i am forced to reside and i love imagining someone who actually does want to care for me#kidnapping me and whisking me away somewhere safer and less stressful#sometimes#sometimes it is still stressful but the fun part of fiction is that im in control#even if im writing myself/an si to have none of the control#i have the power to step back from the situation if its bothering me to write#unlike my real like situation
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had some thoughts about certain characters having halos with specific looks to them, so i drew it.
//explanation(?) in the tags if your curious vv
#ok the tags are going to be a mountain of explanation im sorry#how it works is only mistress' can see them unless its a character that is able to break the fourth wall or understand the situation#maria and capella have the same ones as their mothers#maria's moon is upside to resemble horn yknow nina the wicked etc etc#capella's is meant to resemble a crown#capella's is also small and incomplete due to her still being young#she will eventually grow into a full large blinding sun halo trust#katerina is an eclipse because unlike the sun or the moon it doesnt give off light in the same way and blah blah blah blind you get it#however its the closest to a real halo if that means much to you#clara's is scattered not whole and the most inconsistent of the 4#her's changes size depending on emtion and actually cant be seen by the other mistress' it can only be seen by 4th wall breaking characters#if you have made it here and are wondering why katerina and capella look like that i like to fuse the p1 and p2 designs... sorry#also if this is extremly ooc im sorry i havent finished clara route i just thought this concept was cool..#clara saburova#clara the changeling#clara pathologic#katerina saburova#maria kaina#capella olgimskaya#capella pathologic#pathologic art#pathologic#pathologic 2#pathologic fanart#my art
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oh everyone and their DISCLAIMERS about how “lokius will never be canon because disney and marvel are awful, but”........ well I have nothing to lose so. fuck disclaimers! this is my idea of fun! what if it CAN and WILL be canon, huh? what if the story is gonna go where it seems to be headed. what if I say they’re going to kiss on international streaming television. who’s gonna stop me
#I was in the tag on here again so. midnight shitpost time#lokius#but for real the disclaimers are like.... idk#are there Assigned Queerbaiting cops???? or are we policing each other#before anyone takes this too seriously yes I get it’s about ‘hopes’ and keeping fervor down and whatever#but the pendulum swing is just. tiring#to the extent that it has swung#sorry this is not articulate unlike my tweets on this topic semi recently#I will not let the corporations steal my joy preemptively or disappoint me preemptively. if they’re going to I’ll cross that bridge later#otherwise I find it far more exciting and entertaining to presume we live in a world where we get nice things#let me reach for the stars. because by God one day we WILL hit them#also per usual: abolish the nonsense word queerbaiting. Thank you and goodnight#PS I am not actually mad at fans protecting themselves and their emotions. I get the baseline reason. I am annoyed by The Situation#and with the use of the word ‘queerbaiting’ it all rooted in a fundamentally stupid or incorrect or shifting premise#chars loki posts
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also i am going to the dr tomorrow so please can you send some spare good vibes my way if you have them thank you
#new drs surgery so guessing completely unfamiliar dr who will know nothing of my complicated medical situation. 👍#and a place i don't know At All.#and the DOCTOR. on a SATURDAY.#god on top of everything i've gotta deal with more med changes too coooooooooooooooool! can a guy just be well for a while.#and i've got like 3 separate things that i've needed to bring up for months but appointments are so short and so hard to get that i just#haven't been able to so they're getting worse and worse and i'm like. what's a guy supposed to do for real!!!! i need like. Real medical#care that simply does not exist in this current system!#like i'm so grateful that we're trying to work to figure my migraines out but i have more to discuss and they're fully like 'you gotta book#another appointment for that bud we're out of time' and i'm like 'i don't HAVE time! like i have the calendar but i don't have the wellness#' ARGH. anyway. this too will be resolved. i have written myself a note i will try to see if they can book me another appointment when#i'm at my appointment tomorrow. it will be fine. it will be fine! it's unlikely to be anything serious anyway it's just another layer of#yuck on the already abundant layers of long-term unwellness you know. BUT we stay silly :3#hahaha no wonder i've been increasingly unhinged all week when you actually have to think about the problems it's like. woag.#BUT we stay silly :3 in 24 hours it will have happened so. whatever.
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Chat what if I started crying
Tw for animal death in the tags
#my senior cat is doing not great#she must’ve been bitten by some large neighborhood animal#she’s pretty sick and has some bite marks from canine teeth on her lower back#she probably won’t make it through the night#I really hope she does so we can get her to the vet#why didn’t we take her when we first found the bite marks#if she doesn’t at least she dies with loved ones#unlike my other cat#who died from being attacked by some different beast#like god two three years ago at this point#idk why this cat is making me feel so much worse#maybe it’s because instead of my mom randomly sitting me down and telling me#I’m watching her decline in real time#we probably won’t get another new cat after this#I hope we do though#I don’t like not having a fuzzy little study buddy#and my other cat at the moment doesn’t really do affection#I have a little bit of hope though because she still has enough energy to be hissy spitty at the dog for simply existing#and when we moved her from one end of a bed to the other she stood up and re situated herself#lowkey wanna start sobbing but idk I feel like that’d make my parents pay attention to me and that’s lowkey what I don’t want#like idk my family does the physical affection like hugging and shit#but when k feel like shit that’s not really my thing#and boy howdy do I feel like shit#anyway rant over#bye
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So are Finnian's parents trans or are you just ignoring canon (reasonable)? Because pokemon eggs normally hatch as the mother's species.
sorry this is late, i didn't see it until now. yeah i'm ignoring canon. i figured that sticking with canon mechanics would make it really boring since the species i could use would be very limited
#i know that rule exists in the main series for gameplay reasons but here it's like. why /can't/ the offspring take after the father#i'm pretty sure canon pmd ignores this too if herdier and his grandson lillipup are any indication#they could be like wigglytuff and have the parents be the same species but for two familial generations i find that to be unlikely#the only rule from the games i'm sticking with is that they have to be in the same egg group#to keep it accurate with real life biology#though i may make an exception for pokemon in the undiscovered group if the situation ever arises#also speaking of that if anybody saw the swablu egg in my derwin amos and ava step dad art my explanation behind that despite gliscor and#altaria being in separate egg groups is that they use a ditto surrogate (full credit to my gf for that idea)
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feeling despair i don’t know how to put into words. im trying to figure out why im like this and how i got to be this way but i can’t even do it bc of the way i am and what im like. if that makes sense. like the problem prevents me from fixing the problem bc i can’t get to the root of it. despair despair despair
#purrs#delete later#basically i can’t internalize anything about myself. i can’t internalize that i am talented smart strong whatever and i can’t internalize#evidence that i matter and belong and am loved. i take in this evidence constsntly and it just evaporates. and then it’s like i have none of#it at all and im starving and shaking and dying and howling like a wretched little animal. and i live in this constant defaulstate of like..#feeling worthless and alone and utterly empty and like everything in my life is a dream or something. and in feeling that way and being#quite literally incapable of having emotional object permanence.. i actually make that situation real for myself. i make myself alone and#wretched. i isolate myself and shut down and don’t let myself take up the space i can. and it’s just awful. it’s unfixabke.#i just suck it all dry. i deny myself to myself and to everyone else. and idk what made me like this bc i don’t think i always used to be#this way w depression and depersonalization or whatever the fuck dsm 6 type shit i have going on. but i can’t internalize anything about#myself and my life and have no desire / willpower to look back beyond a certain point and really analyze and probe to figure out what#happened to me to make me like this so i can heal the core wound. soim just constantly in wretched tortured panicking creature mode. awesome#this cry for help brought to you by: my sister guilt tripping me into doing her laundry + my brother showing me his beautiful music +#realizing that unlike redacted i have not documented every part of my life and have no access to early childhood artifacts that would reveal#anything about me and that it does n’t even matter / isn’t special anyway. i love being normal 😎🫶🏻‼️#at least i haven’t been dissociating as badly about work stuff lately but. that’s definitely still a thing too so. what if my whole life is#just the wrong timeline i wasn’t supposed to be in and nothing is actually real. lawl 😳#this is a really awesome time for my therapist to be going on a monthlong honeymoon btw 😍 she deserves it so much but omg im dying already
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im saying this with love but this shit is why a lot of people will never take anarchism or anticiv seriously. if you literally refuse to answer people or take their concerns seriously you're just going to look like a paternalistic know it all dickhead. we know the state medical apparatus sucks shit; but having to rely on whats essentially a local fucking alchemist to make the meds you need to live also sucks shit. and i dont even think that this (imo relatively adventurist) individualist stance is that big of a deal, and honestly probably would be better than a lot of our current medical shitshow, but why are YOU afraid to conceive of something better, a workers state that distributes medicine and resources to people who need it with the strength of centralization? when shit hits the fan, do you really think that formless affinity groups are the best way to recover and provide for other working class people everywhere? so fucking obtuse
#not to mentions anticivs already turning disabled ppls criticism into inside jokes 🙄 its ableist. get real#also like idk i lived in the middle of nowhere rural WI for a while#and we like knew all the doctors in town and all i can think is like. okay if it was an anarchist post rev town then what do i do#if one of the doctors is disgusted by my transness or otherwise hates me? what if i get taken advantage of because i /need/ medical help?#only answer is either live through hell or leave and look for meds elsewhere but i cant fucking walk to another town without my knees actin#like theres a power dynamic there and thats not something id be able to address to work against easily in a strictly social situation if#everyone else trusts or like them more. like they tout the freedom this arrangement provides but then wtf does someone do if they're unlike#wheres accountability come from if not enough people like/trust you?? you're fucked!#sasha speaks
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I should play P5S and make it about my OCs somehow
#ramble#oc tag#i've been avoiding it all this time out of fear that i'll get fixated on it and be unable to make horizon/oc stuff ever again lol rip#but i just thought - would an AI be able to harness the power of the metaverse? cause that has TERRIFYING implications for nemesis-#and then i remembered there is literally an AI in p5s so i guess that should answer my question?#that is not a spoiler btw because sophia is literally in the trailers#anyways sophia has a persona right? so i don't see why nemesis sh- oh shit. oh shit. that IS terrifying#and hypothetically. if nemesis were to awaken to a persona. would it be like one persona per zenith?#or like just one to represent their shared spirit of rebellion (against the real human zeniths)?#or like a sho situation i guess? no that seems unlikely. it's either all or nothing or one for them probably#if anyone has any thoughts on this i'd love to hear your input 🙏 but no p5s spoilers please i do still wanna play it myself :')#wow. i'm genuinely insane#i'm just saying. kai ik your relationship with your dad is complicated but you should probably catch up on his research#and awaken to your persona jic lol. jic#hfw spoilers
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Keep thinking about a comment on a manhwa chapter calling the male lead a shitty husband and father
Mans found out he was a dad less than 14 days business days ago, the kid is five, he took contraceptives, after he found it out he’s been doing his got damn best about it
#the husband situation is too complicated honestly#it’s very divorced parents but also he’s the emperor and they were engaged since they were kids and she was groomed by her dad for becoming#the empress so like it’s not good but he’s trying#she loved him and he didn’t realize how good he had it until she left#like I need to reiterate how much pressure being head of state is in this thing it’s like chronic perfectionism#she escaped and he can’t and he is trying so fucking hard to be a Good Emperor unlike the past ones#he kinda sucks at it I’ll be real he’s more of a shitty emperor than shitty husband or dad#anyways tldr suffering from that comments lack of nuance and my suffering is in the state of Thoughts
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me, once upon a time: eugh, second-person, why would you ever
me, now:
#i'mma keep it real with you chief it's just *clenches fist* it's closer than third limited but still Outside unlike first!#it's cohabitating. it's prying. it's a camera shoved into the character's face or riding on their shoulder like a little personal devil#it's walking hand in hand with the character whether the character wants it or not#it turns the character into a little guy in a situation who's Very Aware of the camera focused on his Every Move#'she' gives you some distance. 'i' am some other guy. 'you' is YOU YES YOU RIGHT THERE#YOU are in it YOU are the little guy in the situation YOU cannot escape that damned camera#it's following you! it knows what you're thinking! it knows about your sweaty palms and pounding heart and growing headache!#but it's not me! they aren't MY sweaty palms/pounding heart/growing headache#idk man#this is a lot of tags#personal#abbie needs a twitter#writing is hard#my muse is a monster
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v seeee okay lol. which explains my personal gap understanding of. what is that shit even for. cause i have pared my life into atoms so im either only doing things that are fun for me personally. or soul crushingly necessary. and i dont need the robot to make my little pencils doodles for me. and i dont think it can help me do physical labour that makes my fingers lock up. so. 👍🏻 its useless. TO ME.
#some shit#WHICH IS NOT A BRAG ABOUT MY FUCKING LIVE#i would RATHER be sending emails than doing thing which are LOCKING MY FINGERS UP#unfortunately unlike the machines that are made for large data route slop#this machine is made. really for only the most fuck ass situations. T_T#that is to say. any time i hear abt someone actually using ai in real like i just wanna panic response shove them in a closet#not cause the ai. but because im like. THE#THATS INTERNET DISCOURSE SHIT. THIS IS WORK. SHUT UP.#<- the internet discourse ingeneral ever being part of general life is annoying.
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‘i feel like ruining things because i like you too much’ is such a normal thing to think lol
#and it’s sister: ‘i feel like ruining things bc you’re a better person than me’#like i’m ’saving’ ppl from me?#fucked up way to think and i’m trying not to think like that anymore but sometimes i still do#i’m making up excuses in my head for why this can’t be something#like in whatever way that may be#i felt like this a few months ago but like the difference is the pros outweigh the cons#as in i’d rather be with them than not#bc before i just felt bad about it all#and now sometimes i feel bad but like i’m always gonna feel bad about something#my brain will just always be like that#but unlike a few months ago it feels different to ignore it?#bc the problem doesn’t feel real bc it isn’t real#like i’m just avoiding the problem as if it will go away#like it is actually all in my head as opposed to me just thinking it#and i don’t have to ruin things and nothing has to change#and maybe the universe is trying to tell me something by placing a similar situation in my life again#but also maybe it’s not#and i don’t know what’s gonna happen but i actually feel excited to find out#rather than full of dread at the thought of it all#like obviously i’m still anxious sometimes#but it’s not completely all consuming#and the voice doesn’t feel quite so loud#was gonna delete later but#maybe i’ll come back to this post in the future#and things will probably have changed all over again#and that’s okay and i’ll just have to accept that no matter what happens#here’s to the future i guess!
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tbh the plot of the tummyache chapter is just "kantarou and haruka get into a fight so kantarou curses him with a tummyache but in a way that not only makes himself evade suspicion but also ensures he gets to look like a hero when he then cures the tummyache (that he caused)" so honestly I might not be writing him conniving enough
#posting this so i can stop doubting my own writing decisions lol#like kan really does just want haruka to love him and obey him and rely on him#he has good intentions generally but he fundamentally can't stop himself from tryna mastermind every single situation#it makes for some fantastic comedy but if i think about it too hard my brain starts to melt#tactics tag#fic tag#well. the tummyache haruka gets in my fic is partly haruka's own fault lol#bc like kantarou he is stubborn and petty. unlike kantarou he doesn't fuckin think about consequences#but anyway yeah it's canon that kan will play weird mind games with haruka when haruka defies him lmao. I'm just keeping it real here
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Some Guy Bingo
Masterpost.
Nearly three months into (what Jason called) The Haunting, the siblings kinda started a game. (“Either we're haunting him or he's haunting us, I haven't decided yet." "Considering he's the one appearing randomly, I'd say he's haunting us.")
Technically Tim had started it with, “five bucks says Danny went to class today.” (Gotham university was having an out break of fear toxin curtesy of Dr. Crane.) However, it was Jason who kicked it off with, “ten if he says something about actual scarecrows.”
Dick had snorted and said, “fifteen if it’s a personal experience about a farm.”
“I call bingo if he makes a vague statement on agriculture.” So it was actually Steph who started it.
“Bingo? We were placing bets.”
“Unlike you Hood, some people don’t get adopted by money.”
“As if Bruce doesn’t give you an allowance.”
(“As if he didn’t offer to adopt you,” Tim tacked on.)
It became a running joke where they started calling out "bingo if -" whenever they had to go out on a call. The joke had later formed into a running game when Danny had told Cass, “fighting gods is a pass-time, it is humanity that the real fight is against.” (He had trip over a curb and laid on the ground for several minutes before she asked if he was okay.) She said it wasn’t the most concerning thing he said to her and Steph chimed in claiming, “on a scale of one to ten that statement rates at a three.”
Jason had asked why Cass and Steph always got the weird ambiguous statements and he got cryptic shit about his “soul”.
(Damian had pointed out that at least he wasn’t being constantly referred to as a baby.)
I Call Bingo, which they still played whenever a situation required more than one of them, became “on a scale”
Dick was sure that “having given up on optimism, I find your enthusiasm to be overly bright” should be ranked higher then “I don’t like two-stepping but I’m from the mid-west, so do you know how to line dance?” (Danny and Duke had gotten into an awkward side step where they kept blocking each other.) Damian said the wording seemed passive-aggressive but the tone was too positive to be rude so he gave it a three. Jason said it sounded like a bad pick up line and gave it a two.
They often debated and defended the score they gave with Barbara chiming in over coms. She had never met Danny as Oracle but he was a regular at the public library. He was always polite and respectful and had quickly become one of her favorite patrons. Like Steph and Cass she also got odd statements but hers felt more like half-hearted jokes.
Bruce didn't always join in on their game but it wasn't surprising to see the occasional score placed in their reports. (They had a file dedicated to Danny's remarks. Originally it was to keep track of what they knew about him but at this point it was just to let the others know what he said this time.) Alfred was roped into it even if he didn't really participate unless asked. ("Hey Alfie, what would you give 'i'm glad i don't have to fight my food to eat it but if Batburger keeps giving me the wrong thing I'm summoning Lunch Lady.' Cause Tim says two but I think it's a five.") (He gave it a four.)
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#I just realized that i'd been forgetting Barbara and that is unacceptable#i hope this is coherent#danny is just some guy#the batfam are mostly use to him#batfamily#dcxdp#dc x dp#dp x dc#dpxdc#dp crossover#dp x dc crossover#danny fenton#danny phantom
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Oversharing time:
Just remembered years ago when I was working in a pretty high up office block and they were having to write a fire plan cause my knees are pretty resistant to stairs and management's answer was just that I wait in the burning building until a fireman came to get me, to which I was pretty much like 'yeah I don't think so. I'll make do with the stairs.'
They were really touchy about this and were like 'we need to account for your disability, we can't leave you to do stairs by yourself when we know you might not be able to' so they wanted me to pick a 'buddy' as in a colleague that would evacuate by my side. So i pick 2 of my friends (one as a backup) and the manager is still like 'but what if your leg isn't working that day what do we do' and she's also like 'I didn't even know you knew him, why is he your first pick?' So I'm like, look off record, I've picked buddy 1 for a reason. He isn't my closest work friend but I do know he's capable of carrying me down the stairs if necessary and the manager is like, have you asked him if he can do that? And I'm like. No. I know he can. Don't sweat it.
And she's going look, I know you're small but you can't just assume that any man is capable of carrying you down multiple flights of stairs, he could have a weak back and I'm like, look I 100% know he can carry me, trust me. She kept questioning it until I was eventually like 'look I know he can because we are friends outside of work and he has carried me, easily, before' and tried to shut down the convo.
This unfortunately seemed to raise more questions which was awkward because in reality we were not particularly close friends in or outside of work, it was just that I'd been lowkey fucking him on and off for years (in that messed up early 20s, we could make each other worse kind of way) and knew that he could very easily fuck me standing up for an extended period. We were not friends because we didn't particularly like each other lol but I did trust that he would not leave anyone to burn in a fire, and that carrying me down those flights of stairs would be no sweat off his back
#anyway in the end a few years down the line someone in a health and safety meeting thought to ask why i had an emergency plan#and when it came up that sometimes unpredictabily my leg just straight up didn't work. they were like.this person can't evacuate with stair#what if her leg stops working midway down?#answer: the adrenaline from the fact I'm escaping a burning building would undoubtedly allow me to power through using the working leg#its happened to me enough times with nobody there that I've learnt that with adrenaline you really can do the impossible#if really really needing to pee is enough to allow me to hop/pull myself up stairs despite unimaginable pain I'm#sure a fire will be no trouble#tbh i don't disagree that the stairs weren't a great option. but they had NO alternative. there wasnt a lower floor i could work on#they straight up wanted me to wait in the lift lobby and cross my fingers that when the firefighters arrived they'd let me use the lift#even tho 95% of the time my leg was completely fine and i didnt come in to work on the days it wasnt working#and when i tried to argue against the 'standing in a burning building' plan.#they made out that by choosing to use the stairs in an emergency situation where there was no safe alternative and my leg would likely#be fine. i was 'endangering everyone around me' because what if leg stops working when halfway down stairs? (which has never happened)#like what is that argument? anyone can trip and break their leg on a staircase. my disability doesn't make me a bomb waiting to go off#after years of fighting this. they eventually decided if i really didn't want the (frankly discriminatory) plan. i could sign a document#that pretty much said i was taking on all liability should something go wrong as i was evacuating (not waiving their liability. actually#accepting full liability if for any reason i blocked the stairs and affected other ppls evacuation. so if someone tripped me and i broke a#leg. i'd be responsible for any slowing down of the floors above evacuation unlike literally anyone else in the building in that situation#and this is an office block with 1 set of narrow stairs for everyone which had to be pushing saftey regs any way#don't get me wrong. i don't think that would have held up in any court. but i wasnt about to sign it. was a real 'just cause discrimination#is illegal doesn't mean employers will act in good faith' moment. they could have spoken to the fire department looked at me working from#home. literally anything. but they weren't interested in finding alternatives. it seemed perfectly reasonable for them to ask me to#stand in a burning building. and it wasn't like i could afford to take them to court/ lose my job.#the managers hosting these meetings didn't agree but had no choice. none of my colleagues could believe it. nobody outside of work could#was a very. 'disabilty rights in the workplace are not where we like to think they are' moment. After they had everyone working from home#during covid. with everything working fine and all the equipment sorted. they actually asked me to come back in to the office#and i was like. oh the office i can't safely evacuate in a fire? i don't fucking think so.#in the end when i got ill and had to consider if there was anything i could do to make it work. this was top of my mind#i knew i couldn't trust them to be reasonable with making adjustments when it came to health&disability issues#and this was a big company that went out of their way to hire disabled ppl and pat themselves on the back. but when it came to it.
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