#unless you FORCE her in she barely gonna do anything

[dailykugisaki]

Day 177 & 178 | id in alt

Kugisaki has a formula. If she dosent care, it's not her issue. It has worked.

[bloop-bl00p]

In defense of Octavia

TW: Lots of Trauma Dumping, Mention of abuse

She’s been wronged way too many times in this fandom for some reason. Look at her vibing, how can you hate her?

I���m a fan of Helluva Boss, mainly because of its potential but the quality dropped dead in the second season. We’re gonna talk about a character I’ve seen other fans misinterpreting in favor of the so-great Prince Stolass.

I want to talk about her mainly because I do what I want and because after studying her character I just realized that she’s just like me. Especially regarding her relationship with her father, I see myself in my younger years.

All of that to say…

She has all the right to feel abandoned.

Octavia obliviously has a stronger bond with her father, it shows in her behavior and little background details

When she wants to draw her family, she draws her and Stolas, we mostly see her being happy with him which leads me to think that she’s emotionally neglected by Stella. To her, Octavia is just an ‘egg’ that fell off her and she doesn't care about the impact killing Stolas could have on her daughter.

Despite being emotionally absent, Stella has a much more physical presence than Stolas. Most of the time Stolas is alone in his castle which leads me to think that Octavia is somewhere else with Stella. They did mention the two went on a weekend somewhere. This leads us to this question…

How can Octavia feel more close to her father?

Here’s the thing, I see a lot of my family dynamic here. My mom doesn’t pay attention to me at all, she doesn't want me to bother her and she makes it clear. My dad, however, who’s absent like 90% of the time, always tried to spare time with me. He explained to me that he was working and why he was doing all of this (I was like barely ten) but it never prevented him from trying to play with me, sharing his hobbies, going on a walk, and else.

He was there emotionally and, as a kid who was bullied, had no friends at all, and a mother who didn't give a damn, I cherished this relationship.

I believe the exact same thing happened with Octavia, we never see her with friends or even outside the castle, she’s isolated. Stolas has Prince duties, we’ve seen him carry them in the shows, hence why he’s mostly absent leaving her with her mother. But, at least when she was a kid, he tried to do stuff bringing her to Loo-Loo Land or being the one to comfort her. That is why she clings to her father, he’s the only one who actually shows her love and she’s terrified of losing that.

Regarding her mother, Stella obliviously doesn't care about her so the feeling is reciprocated. From a narrative standpoint, Stella is an unpredictable force of nature getting angry for pretty much anything that doesn't go her way. So Octativa learned to not cross her mother's path.

I know this expression, this is the “Oh fuck… they’re at it again?” she’s used to her mother's constant screaming, she's used to her parents fighting.

She did say they were a time when a parent didn't hate each other, which to me refers to the time when Stolas tanked Stella’s abuse. But, that doesn’t mean that Stella wasn't abusing him in front of a younger Octavia, she’s erratic and they did imply that she can get physical in her toxic behavior. Since Stella was passive, it was probably mostly harmful comments.

Putting personal things here, my mom was also very abusive to my older sibling. Since I was extremely young I learned not to ‘be a burden’ to avoid being abused as well, which includes things like not talking to her unless she does it first. Whether Octavia is aware of the physical abuse or not, she must know enough to know that it’s a bad idea to annoy Stella.

This is the only picture where we see her seemingly having a good relationship with Stolas, which to me feels like she’s faking it considering all we know about the family.

She has a pretty shitty household but her relationship with her father make it bearable until Stolas did a 180°

He randomly started to prioritize Blitz and don’t spill me the bullshit of ‘he’s trying’ he stopped trying long ago.

Let’s analyze this episode by episode:

In Loo Loo Land, Stolas seemingly tries to rebuild a visibly strained relationship with his daughter by bringing her to a park she liked when she was a kid. To this, she immediately responds with an “I’m not 5 anymore.” and an “I rather kill myself.” There’s no room for miscommunication, she doesn't want to go there, and she won’t enjoy it as much as she did back then. Still, he decides to go there, showing that he doesn't listen, and, he brings the one the thing that is currently ruining his already horrible marriage because of his own actions. Blitzø.

He’s trying to spend time with his daughter after a long time (this is mentioned in the episode) and he decides to bring in that one guy he’s hooking up with to deliberately make sexual remarks about him in front of her.

She’s uncomfortable the whole time, not just because she allegedly doesn’t like listening to her father's comments but because she doesn't like the park. She said it, yet Stolas doesn't acknowledge it, he doesn't realize the faces she makes which are to me pretty communicative of her annoyance and discomfort.

This is not even subtle body language, yet he only notices it when she runs off. The worst part is that he still finds a way to think about Blitzø when his daughter leaves.

He looked upset that Blitzø didn't follow him! Did he expect that guy to pursue him constantly? He was in the middle of an argument with his daughter, I personally would have stepped away to give them space to talk and reconcile. But no, apparently Blitzø should be at his beck and call all the time.

But you know what, after all of this. He still apologized. That absolutely does not negate everything he did during the day but, at the end of it, he finally listened to her and even brought her to a place she actually wanted to be. Which is good, he acknowledged her discomfort and did something she liked.

Until Seeing Star.

Look I know Stolas was busy with Stella but he clearly doesn't care about her and her stuff.

Don’t tell me he couldn’t pinpoint Stella’s location with magic and teleport all of her belongings to her. Their discussion was barely about the furniture, he could have said that they were gonna be delivered and hung up the second he saw Octavia. Arguing with Stella is pointless, he’s the number one guy that should know that! Why does he continue to insult her, he’s just fuelling the fire!

Moving out her belongings would have been 10 times faster if he just hung up the phone, then he could have had a more mindful talk with Octavia without the constant bickering of his ex-wife.

But he didn't for some reason, fair enough, I guess. The writers do whatever they want. Anyway, Octavia got angry and ran to go see the stars on her own.

So, Stolas’ castle is in Pride but my point still stands, Octavia had the time to run from home and make the way all from her father's place to the city, find the specific building Blitzø held his organization in and Stolas didn't notice a thing.

You cannot tell me Stella managed to get his attention for that long AND you cannot tell me that his castle is close to the shitty disaffected building and the populace. His daughter ran off and he did not notice a thing.

Not only that but he has the nerve of blaming Blitzø for not watching the book. Like, dude! You should have watched your daughter instead!

Then he spills out more bullshit.

I don’t know Stolas, how could you possibly find her when you were shown to have countless abilities to do so?

Like bubbles projecting the image and locations of people.

Or that on time when you possessed corpses and one woman just to go full eldritch monstrosity just for one that one guy you’re cheating your wife with. And don’t whine about “They don’t love each other.” it’s still affecting his family, mainly his daughter so it’s still bad.

Of course, you do all of that without your grimoire without any problem, brushing it off with a…

I guess he forgot his ‘ways’ when it came to Octavia. But honestly, Loona literally found her easily just by looking at her Instagram account, couldn't he just call her or something? The girl had her phone the whole time and he didn't just think of calling her.

Me when I forget that I have teleportation power when I am in an enclosed space with nobody is looking.

You’re certainly not worrying right now. Via literally told him to his face that she was scared and he kept flirting with him even though he once again caused her to run away because of his neglect.

He’s not trying his best, THIS IS NOT TRYING!

No Loona, his daughter communicated very clearly issues related to their relationship, rather than reassuring her and being there for her as much as it’s realistically possible (he still has duties to carry), he gets in an avoidable petty fight with his ex and keeps an unhealthy dynamics with an imp he's been obsessing over. He doesn't focus, his priorities aren’t straight, and now Octavia feels abandoned.

I did mention that I had a good relationship with my father back then, but it stopped abruptly. His focus changed and he went out with friends after work and gradually stopped spending time with me. Until we never spent time together again, (to give you an idea the only moment where I could see him was in the morning for breakfast) now that can sound silly but I was a child, with no friends and a neglectful mom, losing the only good thing I had in life broke me. I knew his schedule, I knew he was spending time with work buddies and that just stung my self-esteem even more leaving me feeling like a burden when I was just a kid who wanted to feel love.

This is why I don’t like the “He’s trying.” I know what a trying struggling parent looks like and I know what happens when they stop. If you keep trying to do something and you’re constantly failing, either your technique isn’t the right one or you’re not and you’re convincing yourself you are.

And then there are people that’ll tell me that “He lived through the abuse of Stella for years for her.”

If you read all of this then I don’t feel like I need to explain how Octavia was at least partially exposed to Stella's toxic behavior and was affected by it.

For those who don’t know how it feels to live with an erratic mood-swinging person, it’s pure constant stress. You have to think constantly before you talk or move because you know that if you fuck up you’re gonna pay the price. And if you still eventually mess up you can never know with these types of people! You can’t defend yourself because the punishment will be far worse. You are ALWAYS in the wrong.

So he lived through the abuse of Stella just so his daughter could get neglected and abused in a less physical way?

The difference between my parents and Octavia is that they love each other. Stolas doesn't give a damn about Stella, he did say he was nice at first because he empathized with her they were in this shitty situation together, and fine, it's reasonable. But she never changed! Stella stayed the same! Why didn’t he leave her when he stopped carrying about her?! There’s no trauma bounding, Stella isn’t guilt-tripping or manipulating him, they got the child he could have divorced her easily without consequences! If anything, she’s the losing part of this divorce she’s lower in the hierarchy! “Andreaphul will get angry.” HE’S A MARQUIS! Hierarchically speaking Stolas is far more important and he mopes the floor with his peacock ass!

Am I supposed to be empathetic with that one dude who willingly let his daughter grow up in a hyper-toxic environment with an emotionally neglectful and unpredictable wife?! Am I supposed to believe he cares when he kept sleeping in his house in his bed with the same guy his daughter clearly is worried he’s going to leave her with?! Really?!

Don’t ever tell me that this is trying.

[sl-ut]

sweet dreams

ended up having a baby dream during my nap and thought it would be a v cute burb concept for my sweet cliches series

set in this universe!

abby noticed that something was wrong with her girlfriend almost immediately after she returned from her morning run. she had, of course, left quite early and had been very careful not to wake her cranky pants gf up, but started questioning what she might have done to piss her off already when they hadn't even truly spoken a word.

y/n was in the kitchen when she got back, mixing herself an iced coffee and barely even responding to abby as she came over to kiss her good morning. abby shrugged it off, thinking she was still too tired, but when she rejected her invite to join her in the shower????? that's when she knew something was up.

she spent fifteen minutes in the shower, taking the extra time under the piping hot water to think it over. she knew it wasn't about her leaving a mess before she left; abby was the neat freak in the relationship, so it was usually her getting annoyed by clutter, not the other way around. they'd been on good terms last night, they had even found time in both of their busy schedules that allowed them some spare time to get it on...was it not good? abby thought she'd seen the telltale signs- the whimpers, the heaving chest, the swelling nail marks on her back... she'd never seen y/n fake it before, so she wasn't sure what she wasn't picking up on. unless... what if she had only ever seen her fake it???

then abby goes into panic mode. she finishes her routine as quick as she can (under ten minutes, our low maintenance queen!) and rushes out to find her girl curled up on the couch under a fluffy blanket, not even glancing her at abby as she took up the space next to her.

"what's going on in that pretty head of yours? and don't say nothing."

the girl frowned before she stubbornly responded, "nothing."

"did i do something wrong?"

"no."

"then what's the matter? i don't like to see you so down."

"it's stupid."

abby scooted closer, pulling her girl onto her lap, "i could never think that anything to do with you is stupid. please tell me."

"fine, but you have to promise you won't laugh."

abby rolled her pretty blue eyes, "on my own life, i promise i won't laugh."

the girl let out a deep sigh before she mumbled something under her breath.

"gonna need you to speak up for me there, baby."

"i had a dream that i was pregnant and then i had our baby, and we lived in a cute little house with a dog and we were so happy..." she sniffled, "and then i woke up and none of it was real."

abby was silent for a moment before a small smile and chuckle began to crack through her forced serious expression.

"abby!" y/n slapped her arm when she finally broke out in full laughter, "you promised!"

"i'm sorry baby," she held her tighter to her chest to keep her from moving away and began to rock her, "i'm sorry. that was just so cute, if i didn't laugh i was gonna cry."

"i miss our baby."

abby was in her last year of med school, and thanks to her big beautiful brain (and her trust fund), she was remotely debt free. the two had already discussed their plans to start looking for a house in a nice neighbourhood as soon as abby graduated and got a permanent placement somewhere, but the discussion of kids had sort of been sidelined up until now.

the blonde shook her head, "i can't wait to meet our baby. just give me a year, and then we'll start making that dream come true."

y/n beamed with happiness, curling into her girlfriend's beefy arms, "i can't wait to carry your baby."

"trust me," abby chuckled, "i can't wait to put a baby in you. i bet i'll get it to stick first try, but i'm all about consistency. i'm thinking five nights a week minimum."

both girls giggled at abby's joke, snuggling closer together in a peaceful silence before y/n finally spoke up once more.

"abs... you know you can't actually get me pregnant, right? i mean, you're in medical school for god's sake."

[ale-wosofan]

tired

Ona x R

R is exhausted after a long day at work.

warnings: none

a/n: this took way longer than it should have, but I'm studying for my exams and I've read this so many times that English doesn't feel like a real language anymore. Anyways, enjoy!

-----

If there is something you hate is having to wake up early. Thankfully your work doesn’t require it unless something important comes up. You love waking up slowly, taking your time to admire your girlfriend’s sleeping form and the way she always looks so calm. You usually wake her up by leaving kisses all over her face and, once you’re sure she won’t fall asleep again, you cook a nice breakfast for the two of you while she gets ready for training.

Sadly for you today you haven’t been able to do any of those things. You slipped out of bed as soon as your alarm woke you up, so you wouldn’t disturb Ona. The hours passed slowly as all you have been able to think about is getting back to your bed and your girlfriend.

Having been awake since six in the morning, when you finally get home you’re more than a little exhausted.

Ona is by your side before you can even close the door.

“Hola, mi vida,” she greets you placing a soft kiss on your lips and opening her arms for you “How was your day?”

You can only grunt in response melting into her arms, not really in the mood to talk. Your girlfriend lets out a chuckle and just hugs you tighter.

“You smell nice,” you murmur burrowing your head on her neck to take a deep breath “I missed you.”

Ona laughs again and you can't help but smile at hearing your favourite sound “You saw me this morning.”

“Exactly. Way too long ago.”

Just when your eyes start to close she takes a step back from your embrace.

“What do you want to have for dinner today? Sushi?” your face lights up at the mention of your favourite food “Sushi it is.”

“Thank you, love. I’m gonna go take a shower.”

You take longer than usual in the bathroom since all the exhaustion from the day is starting to catch up to you, but you somehow manage to shower without falling asleep standing up. Once you’ve gotten into more comfortable clothes you walk over to the couch where your girlfriend is sitting playing with her phone.

You drop yourself on her lap and lay your face in her chest.

“Dinner should be here in ten minutes or so,” Ona says setting her phone down and beginning to run her hands up and down your back.

You hum happily and focus on the hard thump of her heart in your ear. With the feeling of her steady breaths underneath you, you feel yourself starting to drift off. You’re about to fall asleep when the sound of the doorbell rudely interrupts you, forcing your girlfriend to get up and you to try to wake up before eating.

-----

Your mood unsurprisingly improves once you’ve gotten some proper food and drink in your stomach. Normally after dinner the two of you sit down to watch TV for a little while, but today you’re too tired to even concentrate.

You are ten minutes into the film when Ona speaks.

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah, just tired,” you mumble trying to stay awake.

You frown when your girlfriend turns the TV off and gets up offering you a hand. “Let’s go to sleep then.”

Smiling at her, you take her hand and let her lead you to the bedroom. Once you’re both settled in bed she wraps her arms around your waist, bringing you closer to her.

“Te amo,” Ona whispers in your hair.

You lift your head from where you have buried it in her neck and blink a few times, trying to shake off the sleep a little bit so you can properly answer her.

“I love you too. G’night.”

Before resuming your previous position though, you take your girlfriend’s face in your hands and kiss her sweetly. It’s a pretty short kiss, you can barely see Ona’s face in the darkness and you’re already half asleep, but you are in bed after a really long day in the arms of the woman you love; you couldn’t have asked for anything better.

“Buenas noches, cariño.”

[steddieas-shegoes]

adding to the chaos

for @steddieholidaydrabbles prompt 'family dinner'

can be considered a direct continuation of the last part in this series. all of my holiday drabbles will be from the bear hugs universe. many of them could probably be read standalone, but will make the most sense and be enjoyed best if you read that first!

rated t | 872 words | no cw | tags: fluff, family fluff, surrogacy mention

🍕🍕🍕🍕🍕🍕🍕🍕🍕🍕🍕🍕

Wayne looks down at his plate and frowns. He looks over at Eddie and sees him doing the same thing.

Rory is nibbling on a bread roll, which seems like the only thing on the plate that’s edible.

Steve is watching them all, smiling expectantly.

Wayne’s not about to break the poor boy’s heart, but he’s not sure if he can force this food in his system. It doesn’t even smell like lasagne.

“Dig in, guys!” Steve exclaims.

Eddie and Wayne share a glance before they both put a miniscule amount of food on their forks and shove it into their mouths.

It’s actually not too bad at first. Wayne even thinks maybe he can fake it and finish most of his plate.

Then, it hits. There’s an overwhelming saltiness that makes him choke, and a taste of lemon that doesn’t belong anywhere near a baked pasta dish. He swallows it somehow, but he can feel his face contorting into disgust.

Eddie fares only slightly better, managing to school his features by the time Steve looks to him, but still setting his fork down and reaching for his drink, chugging most of it in one go.

Steve’s face falls. “It’s not good?”

Rory is watching them as she takes another bite of the roll, waiting to see if she’s gonna have to eat the monstrosity in front of her.

“It’s not that it’s not good, sweetheart,” Eddie starts, then sighs. “Okay, yeah. It’s pretty bad.”

Steve takes his own bite, chews once, and spits it out, wiping his mouth with a napkin. He takes a few sips of his drink and groans.

“I mixed up the sugar and salt,” he explains. “And I think I doubled the lemon juice. I must not have been paying attention.”

Eddie reaches over to squeeze his arm comfortingly.

But Wayne knows Steve takes a lot of pride in his cooking and any previous failures he’s had in the kitchen could be chalked up to a bad recipe from the start. This isn’t like him.

“What the hell’s got you so distracted?” Wayne asks.

Rory’s eyes widen as she looks between Steve and Wayne. Eddie’s knee is visibly bouncing under the table.

“What do you mean?” Steve tries to seem offended, but Wayne knows he isn’t.

He’s distracted by something big and Eddie’s in on it.

“You know what I mean, son,” Wayne says, folding his napkin and placing it on the table. “Ain’t like you to be so distracted making an easy meal.”

Steve gulps.

Eddie clears his throat.

Rory sets the bread roll down.

“Chrissy’s pregnant,” Steve blurts out.

Wayne tosses the words around in his head, can’t connect them into anything meaningful.

“Ain’t she a lesbian?” Wayne finally asks.

Eddie barely contains a laugh and Rory’s wide eyes go impossibly wider.

“Um. Yes. She is,” Steve agrees with an awkward laugh. “But she agreed to be our surrogate and the first try was successful. She’s 12 weeks along now and her and the baby are very healthy, so we wanted you to be the first to know.”

Wayne almost feels more shock over this news than the taste of the lasagne. But this is good shock, the best shock.

“You’re havin’ a baby?” Wayne asks, already feeling his eyes water and throat burn.

“Yeah. You get to be a grampa again,” Eddie nudges his boot with his own foot. He’s beaming at Wayne, proud look on his face.

“You didn’t even tell me you were tryin’,” Wayne’s voice shakes as he speaks and he gives in to the tears that were building. “How did you keep this a secret?”

He’s looking at Rory, who has been suspiciously and concerningly quiet for most of the evening.

Now Wayne thinks he understands why.

She’s never been very good at keeping secrets unless she stays silent entirely.

“They paid me $20 to stay quiet!” Rory bursts out.

“You bribed your kid?” Wayne asks them, feigning disappointment.

“It was that or she would’ve said it the moment you walked in the door!” Eddie argues, but he’s laughing. “She’s already had to keep it quiet for two weeks.”

Steve is nervously tapping his fingers against the table and Wayne recognizes it immediately, even with the distraction of Eddie and Rory excitedly talking about the new addition to the family.

“You happy?” Wayne asks him quietly enough that the other two don’t notice.

“Extremely,” Steve smiles, and it’s genuine. He still seems nervous, though.

“Somethin’ wrong?” Wayne pushes.

“Just don’t wanna fuck it up,” Steve admits.

“Language,” Rory says, but she doesn’t seem to mean it.

“Sorry. I did the same thing before you were born. Just got nervous.”

“And now look at her. You raised a great young lady,” Wayne smiles at Steve.

“Don’t call me young lady,” Rory whines. “Makes me sound like I should be in a flowery dress at church.”

Everyone at the table laughs and the tension seems to dissipate. Steve stands up and claps his hands.

“Pizza?” He asks.

Eddie and Rory cheer.

“You sure you wanna add another one to this?” Wayne asks, but he already knows the answer.

Nothing would make Steve happier than adding more chaos and love to his world.

[yuppie-forcemasc-caption]

A FORCEDmasc story inspired by a post on here. This is a repost, I messed up the previous post.

Plot: Being targeted by a man who find and beat you up once a week, every week. The beatdown will continues until you successfully become a man.

You might be a spineless creature, but after getting beaten up regularly, you realized that there's no other way out, and your fear morphs into the desire to fight back and survive.

Maria had grown to fear the shadows he cast. The man, whose real name she never managed to learn, was broad-shouldered and scarred, the kind of man whose fists had done the talking in a thousand fights. His eyes held no pity, only disdain and cold calculation.

“You still look like a scared little girl,” he sneered, “I thought you were trying to be a man. Guess that was a lie.”

Maria clenched her jaw. She hated him. Hated his voice, hated the way his words seemed to crawl under her skin. But most of all, she hated the truth in them.

She barely had time to catch her breath before the man’s shadow loomed over her, his presence almost as suffocating as the blow that knocked the air out of her lungs. She crumpled, gasping and cradling her midsection, her knees scraping against the concrete. Pain shot through her body, zapping any energy she might has mustered.

He stood over her, cold eyes narrowing, his voice rough and cutting. “You’re weak,” he said, “And if you stay that way, this will never stop.”

Maria wheezed, trying to gather herself. Her hands shook, her heart pounding with fear. She wished she could melt into the asphalt, disappear where he couldn’t reach her. But he wasn’t done. 

With a swift, merciless kick to her side, he sent her sprawling. She choked on a sob, feeling the sting of gravel against her cheek. Her tears were hot, burning trails down her face, mixing with the ache in her ribs. The man knelt beside her, fingers tangling harshly in her hair to drag her gaze up to meet his.

“You think someone’s gonna pity you? You think crying is gonna make you safe?” He pushed her away, letting her crumple back down. “You’re nothing. Weak. Soft. You call yourself a man?”

“Get up,” he demanded. “Or don’t. I guess cowards like you never learn unless someone forces them.” He hauled her up by the collar, her limbs weak and unsteady. “People like you, too soft to fight for what they want, don’t deserve to have anything. You know that, right?”

Maria’s sobs were muted, and her body trembled, not just from the pain but from the weight of his words. Somewhere deep inside, a small, flickering ember of anger smoldered, but it was so buried beneath layers of self-doubt and defeat that it barely registered.

The man stood, hands on his hips as he watched her crumpled form. “I’m doing you a favor,” he declared, his voice oozing disdain. “Until you can stand up for yourself, until you can make me back down, this is how it’s gonna be.”

That ember in Maria flickered out, swallowed by the overwhelming darkness of her helplessness. She tried to crawl away, but he kicked her back down. Mocking laughter followed, harsh and unrelenting.

“Running? Pathetic.” He sneered, leaning down close enough that his breath brushed her ear. “You wanna live like a rat? Always scurrying, always cowering from anyone stronger than you? No matter where you go, I’ll find you. And then what?”

He straightened, and his fists came down like a hammer, one punch after another. Maria did what she always did: she covered her head, tried to protect her face, and flailed, weak and ineffective. Her body jolted under the impact, each hit a fresh reminder of how small and powerless she was.

When it was finally over, she lay there, dazed, sobbing, and humiliated. The man shook his head, disgust dripping from every motion. “You don’t even fight back. What a joke.” He walked away, leaving Maria broken in the alleyway.

---

The bruises never had time to heal before fresh ones layered over them. One day, under the weight of perpetual fear, Maria broke. Not outwardly, but something cracked in her heart. She couldn’t keep living this way. If she wanted any hope of peace, any chance of survival, she had to fight. She has to get stronger.

The place felt alien. Clanging weights, grunts of exertion, the smell of sweat. Everything felt too loud, too sharp. Her heart pounded in her chest as she spotted him, the same man who had beaten her down countless times. He was leaning against a punching bag, wrapping his hands. He didn’t acknowledge her.

For a moment, doubt paralyzed her. Why was she here? Why was she even trying?

But his voice cut through the noise, directed at her, calm but mocking. "You gonna train or just stand there looking useless?"

Her fists clenched, anger flaring up. It was the only thing she had left to hold on to. She walked over, every step feeling like a battle, and forced herself into a routine she had only half-remembered from YouTube videos she’d watched months ago.

The man didn’t help her. He barely looked her way. But when she fumbled a lift or hesitated too long, he came over, correcting her form with a harshness that made her grit her teeth. He didn’t let her quit. Every time her insecurities bubbled up, every time she whispered she couldn’t do it, he barked at her.

"Shut up," he’d snap. "Do you want to stay weak? Do you want to stay at the mercy of anyone stronger than you?"

It was agony. The weights felt crushing, her body protesting every motion. She had never felt so small, so inadequate, but she couldn’t let herself stop. The memory of his beatdowns drove her forward, a fear that sharpened into determination. She pushed herself to the brink, but every time doubt crept in, he was there, snarling at her to stop whining. To be a man.

---

Weeks blurred together in a fog of pain and exhaustion. Her body began to harden, muscle slowly weaving into the places where soft curves had once betrayed her. But the man’s torment didn’t end. Whenever he thought she was slacking, he showed up like a nightmare, reminding her she wasn’t free yet.

“Fight back,” he’d taunt, delivering blows that never quite broke bone but felt like pure agony. He knew how to make pain sear without causing lasting damage, a skill honed from a past he never shared. Maria learned to guard herself better, to strike back even when she wanted to curl up and cry.

And in that grim, relentless world of survival, something began to change. Maria still feared him, but she feared her own helplessness more. Each time she clenched her fists, she tried to beat back the voice that said she’d never be strong enough. She had to be. She had no choice. 

The nights were still brutal. Whenever he decided she wasn’t working hard enough, he’d find her. Another fight. Another reminder that she had a long way to go. But the difference, however small, was there. She began to anticipate the blows, to guard herself better. Once, her fist even connected with his rib, and though it wasn’t enough to do any real damage, the spark of defiance inside her flared brighter.

The man only grinned, something dark and satisfied flickering in his eyes. "There you go," he taunted. "Finally acting like you want to survive."

---

As the days bled into each other, he noticed subtle but striking changes in himself. His mind, once clouded with depression and self-loathing, was now sharp, clear. The looming dread of the weekly fight, the anticipation of pain, had somehow burned away his old insecurities.  

The world seemed more manageable, even welcoming. Where he used to shy away, he now walked taller, he met people’s eyes, even spoke without the nagging fear of judgment or rejection. The fight against the man made everything else seem trivial, as though the world had shrunk to the relentless need to survive the onslaught, and to overcome it.

The man had planted something stubborn in his mind, a challenge that felt both like a weight and a promise: Until you believe you can win, you never will. The words echoed in his head, taunting him. There was truth in it, he realized. His doubts, his timidity, they were all fuel for the man’s fists, weaknesses the man exploited again and again.

In the gym, he trained harder than ever, feeling the testosterone surge through him, his thoughts aligning with a sharper edge. Every time he hit the punching bag, he pictured the man’s face, his mocking grin. His fists landed harder, more controlled, less flailing, and his frustration transformed into raw, driving energy.

The softness he hated gave way to muscle, his jawline sharpening, his shoulders broadening. He was still lean, but now there was power hiding beneath the surface, coiled like a spring.

But no matter how much Mark changed on the outside, the beatdowns never stopped. Every week, the man would show up like a shadow Mark couldn’t shake, ready to test him, to challenge everything he had fought so hard to become. Mark knew that if he ever let his guard down, if he ever slacked in his training, the man would crush him without a second thought.

It was this knowledge that kept Mark on edge, kept him moving forward. He no longer felt the suffocating depression that had once anchored him to his bed, drowning him in hopelessness. He was too busy bracing for the next fight, too focused on trying to land a punch that mattered. The dread of the weekly beatings replaced the old emptiness, and strangely, it felt like a kind of freedom. He had something to fight against, something other than himself.

One evening, Mark stood in front of the mirror in the gym locker room, studying his reflection. His shoulders were broader now, his arms roped with veins and muscle. His jawline had squared, and his voice had deepened to a steady baritone. He hardly recognized the person staring back at him, and for the first time, that felt good. Pride replaced old self-loathing, but it came with something more: a hunger. He was still fighting, still growing, but he wanted more. He wanted to win.

The man never stopped pushing him, even outside the gym. “You think just looking like a man is enough?” he’d sneer. “Where’s your conviction? Where’s your will to fight?”

Mark gritted his teeth every time he heard those words. It hurt. It hurt because there was a grain of truth buried in the cruelty, and it struck at the core of who he had been. He remembered the trembling, fearful girl he used to be, filled with doubt and desperation. But now he could feel something new — a simmering heat, a desire to prove himself, to wipe that mocking smirk off the man’s face. It was like a fire in his veins, no longer just from testosterone, but from something deeper.

“You’re never going to win,” the man taunted one day, as they faced off under the flickering alleyway light. “Not until you believe you can. You can pack on all the muscle you want, but if you don’t have the guts, you’re just another coward pretending.”

The words sank into Mark, igniting a fuse. He clenched his fists so hard his knuckles cracked. Something inside him shifted, clicked into place. He wasn’t just surviving anymore. He wanted to win. He wanted to put an end to this, to prove he had become everything he had once dreamed of.

---

Then, one night, the weekly showdown came again. But this time, he felt it in his bones – a readiness, a certainty. He could see it in the way the man smirked, in the way he cocked his head, watching, as if testing. There was a silent dare in the man’s eyes, one he’d seen a hundred times, but only now did he fully understand it.

The man swung, fast and brutal, but Mark anticipated it, dodging just enough that the blow skimmed his shoulder instead of shattering him. Before the man could recover, he countered, throwing a punch that connected with the man’s jaw. The man staggered, just slightly, his eyes flickering with something almost like surprise.

“Finally,” the man muttered, a grin pulling at his lip despite the blood that trickled down. He didn’t waste a second, charging again, but Mark was faster, dodging, weaving, and then landing another punch – this time harder, square against the man’s chest.

The fight went on, brutal and unrelenting. But he didn’t feel the desperation he used to. Every punch, every movement was intentional, focused. When the man tried to corner him, he slipped out, throwing a jab that left the man momentarily off balance. And then he was on him, throwing his weight into each punch, channeling everything he’d been taught.

With a final, well-placed punch, he watched as the man fell back, hitting the ground, laughing even as he wiped the blood from his mouth. The guy’s fists ached, his knuckles raw, but he felt an unshakable thrill as he looked down at the man, victorious.

Mark’s fists clenched, and for a moment, the rage he had suppressed for so long exploded. He grabbed the man by the collar, lifting him, and drove punch after punch into him, the pent-up anger and humiliation pouring out like a dam breaking. The man took it, laughing through the pain, until Mark’s fury finally spent itself.

Breathing heavily, Mark let the man drop back to the ground. He took a step back, his heart pounding with a strange mixture of triumph and exhaustion. The man’s laughter tapered off, leaving a quiet, heavy silence between them.

“You… you’re messed up for doing this to me,” he said, voice low, struggling with the words. But his gaze didn’t waver. “But… you were right.” Mark looked down at his bloodied knuckles and then at the man. “I’m not… her anymore”

The man grinned, wiping blood from his mouth, and gave Mark a grudging nod of respect. “Took you long enough. You were pathetic back then. But now?” He raised an eyebrow. “Now you’re worth something.”

He stepped back, his face setting into a calm, unbreakable resolve. He was no longer the shattered, self-doubting girl he’d once been. The man had stripped him bare, ripped away his illusions, and forced him to confront every flaw, every weakness. Now, he stood as a man. Not the hesitant shadow of manhood he once imagined, but a true one. A man who acts. A man who faces, who does not falter. 

In the end, he understood, to be a man is to choose action over fear. It wasn’t exactly the dream he’d had when he’d first started testosterone. It was something grittier, harder, and strangely, it was better.

With a final nod, he turned and walked away, knowing that he didn’t have to look back. 

[bananababblegigglemuffin]

OVERSTIMULATION WITH SUB LOGAN OVERSTIMULATION WITH SUB LOGAN OVERSTIMULATION WITH SUB LOGAN ‼️‼️‼️‼️

😂Ahhh god I love these over stim with Logan ones, ofc I’m gonna do it… i really dk bout this but here it goes:

KINKTOBER: DAY smth well 9th October - OVERSTIMULATION with sub Logan

Note: ofc it’s dirty dirty dirty.

Logan had dreamed for years about being dominated by a woman. Logan never really seemed to want to try anything new. He had given it several tries, but nothing had ever changed much. he was great in bed, he was always satisfied, and thought his partners were too. It was so hard to tell sometimes. Whenever he took the lead she was willing to do almost anything, but she would never take charge.

Logan spent several hours a week on the internet searching for male sub stories and movies. Trying to discreetly watch and read while wade was working or doing chores.

Logan finally stumbled onto a Female Dom site, where the Dom was located only 20 miles away. His cock throbbed as he looked at her site and imagined that he was the slut in the pictures.

Her name was Mistress y/n. She was not a runway model, but boy did she look hot in her leather outfit. Her breast covers were held on with Velcro, and the crotch cover was removable and left plenty of room for any activity. For several months Logan went to her site, afraid to click on the contact button. A couple of times he clicked on it then changed his mind, afraid of the consequences if he was caught.

One evening Logan went to Mistress y/n’s web site. Wade was over at his friend's house helping her redecorate the Living room, so Logan could relax a bit and actually listen to the sound clips.

She sounded sexy. Mistress y/n had posted a new series, where she took a new male sub and filmed his training from start to finish. Logan had seen it appear months ago, but was afraid to watch while his fwb was in the house. He clicked on the first clip: Training begins.

The movie began with a fully dressed male in his thirties standing alone in a semi-dark room.

The room was full of every kind of S/M toy you could imagine. Whips, collars, cock restraints, dildo’s, vibrators, strap on’s hung on the walls neatly. Logan could barely make out the clothes racks full of outfits. Scattered around the room were racks, saw horses, stocks, tables, chairs. It was obvious that Mistress y/n could restrain her slaves in any position she desired. Logan’s cock throbbed and pulsed, God he wanted to masturbate and she hadn’t even entered the room yet!

Mistress y/n walked into the room and watched the man looking around the room. “Attention Slut!” she said. The man jumped and turned toward her. “Hi, I was just admiring your toys.” “Silence Slut!” “You are not starting out very well.” “You were instructed to enter this room, face the door, and wait for me.” “I’m sorry.” The man said. “Silence Slut!” “I will go over the rules that you agreed to one more time.” “If you fail again, you will be ejected, never to return” 1) Do not speak unless spoken to, and then you may only reply with: “Yes Mistress” “No Mistress” “Please Mistress” “Thank You Mistress” 2 You will be naked at all times unless I instruct you otherwise. 3) You will obey my instructions immediately, without question or hesitation. 4) The code words are “Red” for stop, and “Yellow” for I’m not sure I can take it anymore. If you use either I will be disappointed both in you and in my instruction pace. 5) Our contract will remain in effect until either of us declares it void. If the contract is voided, you will leave immediately and will never have any contact with me or mine again.

Mistress y/n cupped her hand under the man’s chin, forcing him to look directly at her. “Do you understand and agree to these conditions?”

“Yes Mistress” the man replied.

“Excellent” Mistress y/n said. “Please do not disappoint me again, or it will go very hard for you”

Mistress y/n put a leather collar around the slaves neck. The collar had the word slut embossed in two places. "This collar shows your status and your name."

“Now remove your clothes Slut” she snapped. Startled, he jumped and started unbuttoning his shirt.

Mistress y/n reached over to the wall and grabbed a riding crop. “Stupid SLUT” she said as she thwacked him stiffly across his ass 3 times. “What did I just tell you?”

“Yes Mistress, Thank you Mistress” he yelped. He feverishly ripped off the rest of his clothes as she continued to expertly hit his exposed areas. Not hard enough to leave welts, but enough to scare him and get his attention.

After much deliberation Logan finally contacted her.

End. (I am on vacay sorry, I’ll be back home on eleventh. Just for a little peak)

Will post part two if y’all want

[sidsinning]

the movie aint better ya goofs (don't read if you don't wanna hear my slander lol,,,)

"Movie!Gabriel is better than show!Gabriel because he actually cares for his son and gets redeemed"

istg this fandom's obsession with redemption needs to END

Morally better character ≠ better writing

Can I just get a piece of media that tells kids "hey, ur abusive parent was an asshole, and even if they had humanity you do not need to reconcile and forgive them in the end" bc I feel like that's what show!Gabriel leans towards which is great

Gabriel barely talks to Adrien in the movie and suddenly when he sees him under CN's mask his entire reign of terror, his determination to see his dead wife again ends in a tearful hug lmao come on now

("but the ending where Adrien suddenly loves his dad again???"- Astruc has been pretty blunt on Twitter that this perfect society you see in S5's ending is built off of a lie, so Adrien is def not gonna just keep that view)

"Adrien actually stands up to his dad in the movie!"

Movie!Adrien is legit a normal human boy, not a sentimonster who is literally physically incapable of fighting back against whoever has his amok

He DOES fight back (even in S1 as CN!), but people like to remember the show only up to S3. Guess what, he learns to fight back and stand up for himself through his growing bonds and relationships with those around him through character development ✨✨✨

Also, he is an abused kid??? In the show?? How can you knock him down a peg for not fighting back,,, 😭 Adrien's lesson isn't that he needs to learn how to fight back, it's that Nathalie shoulda called cps sooner!!! In the movie they are much more of an estranged father-son pair than anything abusive. So obviously the back talk is much easier too. Movie!Adrien gets to go out alone and with friends unless his dad has specifically planted an enemy where he is. Show!Adrien has been beaten, mind controlled, forced to hurt Marinette, isolated and locked up, etc.- he has been TERRIFIED of his dad multiple times.

"Marinette isn't an obsessive stalker in this!"

SIGH.

Man I am so sick of this complaint- the show has never rewarded Marinette for her obsessive behavior. BC IT IS A CHARACTER FLAW. One they use for cringe comedic purposes, but a flaw nonetheless. Every time she has done anything that hurts others in pursuit of Adrien she is punished by the writers. And bc the show has an episodic monster-of-the-week format, this plot is recycled a lot (which is its own complaint). And guess what? SHE STOPS BEING OBSESSIVE. YEAH. SHE STOPS DOING THAT SHIT- so what do you want now??? She grew out of it after it costs her the miraculous so why tf are yalls still hurling this at her like its a L,,,,

This Marinette is just a watered down boring version of show!Marinette. She's just a girl who gets insecure at times but grows confident bc she's Ladybug. Ok. So is our Marinette but MORE. Our Marinette is super smart, creative, resourceful, an overthinker, extremely kind and selfless to others, gets jealous and reckless when her emotions get the better of her, etc. She is fully formed even after watching just 3 episodes of S1.

Like the fact that they didn't even bother to include the oh so important hook of the show- her lucky charm power- shows they didn't care about doing this story justice- its so transparently lazy writing 💀 (miraculous of creation where??? CN gets cataclysm for destruction but what is movie!LB bringing to the yin yang table,,,)

Legitimately all the comparisons I'm hearing from people saying the movie is better are from those who just aren't caught up with the show where Marinette is no longer toxically obsessive with Adrien, where the plot/lore is insane but 10000000x better and more creative than what the movie gave us, the love square was much better developed EVEN FROM JUST THE ORIGINS EPISODES, etc. Istg these people stopped at S3 where the show was at its worst (if I were to pinpoint it)

Everything is so watered down or changed for the worse

Adrienette bonding was 1 conversation and 2 seconds about his mom in a voiceless montage. Marinette didn't fall for him bc of his kindness after a misunderstanding, it was bc he looked handsome in the library's light lol. He called her weird and didn't think twice about putting on his earphones to listen to more alpha podcasts. You really do wonder why she likes this dude over her partner CN bc they have no connection at all.

Movie!Adrien was an asshole don't you dare do show!Adrien dirty by comparing him to this ellen degeneres alien lookin mf

When movie!Adrien is crying after Mari reveals herself as LB, unlike the show, here you're like "yeah no you only like her now bc she's LB lol"

Anyways feel free to enjoy what you enjoy but uuuuuhhhh this movie getting a 3/10 for me would not rewatch

Oh wait the good things

-Visuals

-Some Ladynoir scenes were cute, like them playfully fighting with the accidental wall pin

-I liked Ladybug moving away from CN's kiss- nice hint of angst

-Chloe's coffee stain scene

-Luka cameos were cute

songs were bad or mid

ya das it

I guess feel free to talk to me in my inbox about your own thoughts if you wish (respectfully plz)

[antinousletmehit]

AAAAAAAAAAA

The hurt reader is amazing— I loved it sm

THANK YOUUUUU

now (tw : throwing up)

Since I still love the hurt thing a lot (god knows how much my ocs wanna kill me rn)as well as the the fact I’m a sadist when it comes to these things-

What if -and hear me out- reader managed to steal food lets say a batch of fruit or medical supplies or anything they were low upon in storage successfully! :D

Yay reader learned how to steal without getting caught!

Unless…

She did get caught (kinda) and gotten beaten up- like on her stomach so the bruises won’t show that much and a bit of hits on the face (but her stomach got the bad part of the beating)

but she still managed to get way with the things and she is like so happy and beaming at antinous when she gets back like “look brother! I managed to steal without getting caught!!” And he would be suspicious and would notice a few bruises on her face and the he gets a bit angry “yea? What about these bruises on your face?” While crossing his arms she would come up with something like I tripped and what not. He will let her off the hook this time since he was in a hurry and nothing seems that bad. But then that night he has to leave for the ring and leaves her some food (he might not come back until tomorrow’s noon perhaps he spent the night and day with a night lady he found)

So after the reader eats her food goes to bed she is still in pain then ends up throwing up and then she figures out it’s from the beating she took and can only stomach fluids without puking up

Would antinous notice what’s happening immediately or after a few days or what?

This story is my current hyper fixation I’m sorry if this is annoying-

Also on a different topic, do you have any designs on any of the charcters and how they might look like ?

(I kinda wanna see if I can make fanart of them)

Thank you and have a lovely day!🌹

AHHHHHHHHH I LOVE THJS IDEASAAA, IM GONNA HUG YOU. Fixated with my lil old fanfic STOP I’m blushing.

Antinous is a ASS FACE, he wouldn’t notice until a few days later, especially if the fight ring is busy, and he uses random women he finds as “stress relievers” to go about his day. After a few days he WILL find out, and when he does….its not gonna be pleasant 😭

It could go either two ways: one, he finds out while coming back home, then he sees you actively throw up and demands to know what’s wrong, he forces you to show him and explain to him what happened, after that you get a scolding and aren’t let out the house for a few months (brother of the year)

Or two: he notices late at night when he’s back, and he sees you’re sleeping weirdly and the blankets off, so he tucks you in but uh oh he finds out about the bruises, then wakes you up demands you to answer him and where these came from, you tell him the truth and he grounds you again.

———-

The moment Antinous was gone, she sank onto the floor, clutching her stomach. Her breathing was shallow, and sweat dampened her brow. The men who had caught her stealing hadn’t gone easy on her, their punches and kicks had left her battered and bruised, especially around her abdomen. She thought she could handle it, that the pain would fade with time. But as the hours passed, nausea began to churn in her stomach. She stumbled to the corner and retched, her body convulsing painfully.

The next few days were a blur of fever, pain, and vomiting. She tried to hide her condition, staying curled up in bed and pretending to sleep whenever Antinous came back to rest between fights. But she couldn’t hide the sound of her heaving or the way her face flushed with fever. When Antinous finally returned home after a particularly grueling fight, he found his sister hunched over a bucket, her frail frame shaking as she threw up yet again.

“Y/N!” he barked, rushing to her side.

She flinched at the sound of his voice, turning to look at him with tear streaked cheeks and a pale, sweat drenched face. “I’m fine,” she croaked, her voice barely audible. “You’re not fine,” he snapped, kneeling beside her. “What’s wrong with you?” When she didn’t answer, he reached out and gently pushed her hands away from her stomach. His heart stopped when he saw the bruises, dark, angry splotches that marked her skin. His expression darkened, and his jaw tightened as fury bubbled up inside him. “You lied to me,” he said, his voice low and dangerous. She shook her head weakly, tears spilling from her eyes. “I didn’t want you to be mad…”

“Mad?” he repeated, his voice rising. “Y/N, you could’ve died! Do you have any idea how stupid that was?”

“I just wanted to help,” she whispered, her voice breaking.

“Help?” Antinous shot to his feet, pacing the small room as his anger boiled over. “You think getting yourself beaten half to death is helping? You think lying to me is helping?” He turned back to her, his eyes blazing. “You’re not leaving this house. Not for months. You’re banned from going anywhere!” Her tears flowed freely now, her sobs wracking her small frame as she stared up at him. “I was just trying to do what you do!” she cried. “What I do?” he snapped, his voice dripping with bitterness. “Y/N, what I do is dangerous, and it’s not for you! You’re not me, and you’re not going to end up like me. Do you understand?” She didn’t respond, her sobs muffled by her trembling hands.

Antinous clenched his fists, his anger simmering as he looked at her small, broken form. Finally, he let out a heavy sigh, running a hand through his hair. “You don’t need to do this,” he said, his voice quieter but still firm. “I’ll take care of us. That’s my job, not yours.” She nodded weakly, her tears still streaming down her face. Antinous crouched beside her, his expression softening just slightly. “You scared me,” he admitted, his voice barely above a whisper. “Don’t do that again.”

She nodded again, her sobs quieting as exhaustion overtook her. Antinous stayed by her side, his anger replaced by guilt as he watched her drift off into a fitful sleep. He swore to himself that he would do better—that he would protect her, no matter what it took. Even if it meant keeping her locked up from the dangers of the world.

——————

I love tragic siblings, but anywyas AHHHHHHHH FANART?? YOU FLATTER ME but anywyas.

For Antinous his design is basically just Duvetboxes design (on YouTube) but he has A LOT of of scars on his body everywhere. ( yes including the blind eye) the only thing distinct is that he has a matching earring with his sister his being a sun on one of his upper ear piercings, and hers being a crescent moon.

For reader you can use any design but I always see them with: tan skin like Antinous’s, dark brown curly hair, scars on her upper torso and legs, and gold earrings that match her brother’s (after her and Telemachus finally started to love each other she matches earrings with him so it’s crescent moon on left, and star on right)

Again, I love duvetboxes designs so it’s here again. Only thing I need to add is the star earrings, light brown hair, and he has a little star brooch that smells like lavender (wink wink)

ORRRR

This scrumptious design of Telemachus by Tenoart, your choice.

And if you want Eurymachus, he’s blonde and green idk

[comet-forgot-you]

the only thing i could up with is like R is best friends with Anika (or any other character you want) where Anika has no experience in kissing and is ashamed about it and R's like "i can help 🤭"

yesss

you talking about your worst kissing experience with anika while you cooked and you ask her about her worst experience. she doesnt say anything, instead turning your attention to the food you were cooking.

“anika, stop deflecting. whats your worst experience?” she doesnt say anything, gripping the countertop beneath her, taking her bottom lip between her teeth. she shrugs. “unless you’ve never kissed someone,” you suggest and the way she looks away from you, cheeks pinking up, shows that you guessed right. “you’ve never kissed someone?”

anika groans at the confrontation, covering her face with her hands. “no! i havent. i mean i want to, but like, i dont know! i just dont know how, i mean like what if im bad y’know?” you smile, stepping away from the stove to approach her.

“i could teach you.” anika pauses at the suggestion, hands falling from her face.

“what?”

“i could teach you. i mean like, i have experience, you dont, i could teach you.”

“how?”

“kissing you?” anikas brows furrow.

“but why?”

“because, i cant let my best friend doubt herself, now, can i?” you smile, stepping closer to her. youre between her legs at this point, neck craning up due to her position on the counter.

“you’d do that?”

“why not?” theres barely any space between the two of you. youre eyes flicker down to her lips and hers do the same.

“okay,” she whispers thickly. one of your hands find her hip, the other moving to cradle her cheek in your hand.

“this okay?” you ask, and anika nods. you look back down to her lips and hers tongue darts across them wet them. “im gonna kiss you now,” you whisper, leaning in until the distance between you two disappears.

your lips meet hers and theyre soft. you pull her closer and her hands move to cradle your face. you pull away for a second, breath heavy, before going back in. your tongue darts across her bottom lip and before it can go any further, the water boils over. the sound of water hissing as it hits the glass top forces you away from her.

you’re quick to tend to it, the feeling of anika lingering on your lips. “not bad for your first time,” you mutter out, a smile forming on your lips.

[basalting]

a good fuckin' day

i tried so hard to have no angst in this but... alas

day two of @jasontoddweek2025 - joker - chronic pain - fear toxin

Jason is sleeping when it happens. OR, Jason Todd on the day the Joker dies.

jason todd & babs gordon, jason todd & bruce wayne - character death (obviously) - 3064 words

Jason is still sleeping when it happens.

Barely two hours after he collapsed into bed, still in his boots and jacket, a piercing alarm from the discarded helmet jolted him awake. Snarling curses and stumbling out of bed, Jason jammed an ear piece in, he and Babs had an agreement. She only ever contacted him if she had info on people fucking around in his territory or if there was an actually serious ‘all hands on deck’ type emergency, on pain of Jason destroying every bat bug he knew was planted and going to ground for at least 6 months.

After finally finishing rooting out a arms smuggling deal that included assholes trying to slip in faulty weapons guaranteed to explode and some idiot trying their hand at being the next Scarecrow, if this was anything less than the fucking apocalypse, Jason might have to break the duffel bag out again.

“Fuckin’ what?!”

“You haven’t heard yet?” Barbie’s voice was unfiltered for once, she sounded… Exhilarated? Shocked? There was some repressed emotion in the barely there tremble in her voice. Jason went still, mind racing. There hadn’t been any whispers of the big movers doing anything. When he’d finally dragged his weary ass home, Gotham had been at as much equilibrium as it ever had.

“Heard what O?”

Babs was quiet for a moment, Jason’s shoulders were starting to ache from how tense he was. “Jay… I need you to know that what I’m about to tell you is true, my Dad and B are already on the scene and they’ve confirmed it’s real. Okay?”

Oh fuck, Jason thought, Dick’s dead.

That had to be it, there was no other reason for Babs to ring the alarm. For B and the commish to be confirming T.O.D. Dickhead was dead.

His hands were shaking, his breathing kept even only by force of habit. Fuck. Dick was supposed to be coming to ‘Lian’s-giving.’ That stupid fuck-ass holiday Roy threw every year for Lian’s not-birthday that the old Titans and the Outlaws were all dragged into. Dick promised to teach her to juggle this year. Now he was dead.

Faintly he heard Babs talking, her voice getting louder and more urgent. He didn’t know if he could listen to it, if he could handle hearing how Dick had died. Didn’t know if he could handle not knowing.

“Jason!”

“Fuck!”

Babs’ voice was suddenly a roar in his ear, volume remotely increased so that it set his head ringing.

“Sorry,” Babs said, at a less ear piercing level, “you went dead silent on me Jay. Did you hear me?”

“Yeah…” Jason sighed, scrubbing his hand over his face and leaning back against the table. “So… How’d it happen?”

“They’ll need to do an autopsy,” Just the word made Jason’s skin crawl, “but it’s looking like a ischaemic stroke. There’s no wounds on the body. Well,” There was bitter amusement in Babs voice, “no fresh wounds.”

“Jesus…” A stroke. A fucking stroke is what got Dick? Not any of this cape life bullshit? Unless the stroke is because of all the head trauma that hard-headed ass has- had gone through.

“If you wanted to go see, maybe go piss on the body for me, I’ll send you the location.”

”What the fuck did you just say?” Jason snarled, “You think I’m gonna fucking piss on Dick’s body? You think I’m that much of a fucking bastard? You can go fuck yourself Barbara you fucking sanctimonious fu-“

Barbara’s sounded baffled as she, once again, overrode his volume - partially deafening him, “Who said anything about Dick?”

“What?”

“What?”

There was a beat of silence before Barbara slowly asked, “Jason… Why do you think I want you to… piss on Dick?”

“He’s dead isn’t he.” Jason said flatly, staring at the gloomy sky through his shitty cracked window. “That’s why you used the emergency line.”

“Oh Jay,” Barbara said with a soft laugh, “Dick’s fine. I told B to update him and he’s been blowing up my phone. He’s doing shots in San Fran’ right now to celebrate.”

“Oh…” The relief almost made his head spin, Dick was still alive to be an annoying (and annoyingly helpful) shithead. Still alive to teach Lian how to juggle and to scream a little sense into B’s dense fucking skull and to fuck around at the edge of Red Hood’s territory on quiet nights until they ended up in a game of city-wide tag.

“Then what the fuck Barbie? Who’s fuckin’ dead??”

“The Joker!” Babs burst out, delighted and vindicated and shaking with relief. "That's what I was trying to tell you!"

Jason fully collapsed, legs giving out from under him. It didn’t seem real, couldn’t be real. Finally, after years of torment and a mountain of bodies and so much fucking pain. The Joker… dead?

“You’re sure?” He asked urgently, hand coming up to cup his ear, as if it might disappear before Babs could talk, “You’re really sure? He’s dead? And it’s him? Not a fucking clone or a- fuck a body double or- or- a shitty cosplayer? Or-“

“It’s him Jason.” Her voice was soft, throwing him back to his Robin days, to one of the serial killer cases they’d worked, to Batgirl gently pulling out of a room soaked in old blood and stinking of rot. (Cass and Steph carried her mantle well, but Babs would always be Jason’s Batgirl.) “I’ve got CCTV of his cell leading back to when B dropped him off after his last break out. I’ve scrubbed through all of it, there’s nothing missing. Dad’s already sent off for a DNA test and B’s got his own samples to check. But yeah Jay, it’s really him.”

Tears, hot as blood, carved burning lines down his cheeks. He inhaled shakily, “Can you- Can you send it to me? The footage. I need to- I need to see.”

“Of course Jay.” A beat of quiet, “Do you want to see him? To go check yourself? Dad’s holding people off until B clears out, we can get you in to see him before he’s taken to the morgue.”

Jason was tired, he fucking stunk to be honest, he needed a shower and a meal and about sixteen beers and a nap, in no particular order.

But he needed to see. It wouldn’t be real, until he saw.

“Yeah… You want me to pick you up? I’ll brace him so you can run him over.”

Babs laughed, too loud with relief, “Nah, I’ll go once he’s at the morgue. I want to make sure the coroners report is done before I let Harley know.”

Jason’s smile was wide and tear stained and bloodthirsty, at the thought of Harley finding out the Joker was dead. For real, not coming back, was exhilarating. He’d never like Harley, knew she was a victim of the Joker’s as well, but part of him would always wonder if she would’ve laughed at the Joker killing him if she’d still be with him at the time. But he knew she helped Babs out. Occasionally moonlighted as one of Babs’ Birds of Prey, and - from one Joker survivor to another - he wouldn’t begrudge her this joy.

“I’ll head to Arkham then. See ya later O.”

No time for a shower, Jason dropped the ear piece on the table as he hauled himself over to the sink to wash his face. Bruce would just have to deal with him, stinking and lightly bloodstained and all.

—————

Arkham was a rotten shithole, as always. The Bridge was closed off, cop cars blocking the entrance, but when Red Hood rolled up an officer muttered into her radio, waited a moment then motioned to one of the cars.

“Hey Hood,” Her voice was the harsh rasp of someone who smoked a lot, tired eyes squinting at his helmet above where his eyes were, “Give the bastard a kick in the nuts for me would ya?”

Hood nodded, riding between the cars as soon as the gap widened. Arkham’s gates were open, unsurprisingly, the floodlights on bright even against the gloomy morning and, more surprisingly, RR’s bike was parked by the entrance. Hood skidded to a stop, spraying some of the gravel over RR’s bike as he parked.

“Seriously?” The doors to Arkam swung open and Red Robin stomped out, a matte black bag almost invisible under his cape. “You can’t not be an asshole for one fucking day?”

“I never take a day off.” Hood responded, voice scrambler disguising his smirk from everyone except RR himself. “Is that-?”

“Yes.” RR said business-like, brushing the larger pieces of gravel off his seat and making a face at the dust. “Batman is still with the commissioner but he asked me to do a pick up so we can start analyzing the evidence as soon as possible.”

Translation: B’s a paranoid fuck and if this isn’t the real Joker he wants to know as quickly as possible. If it wasn’t the Joker, somehow. Then B would want to start investigating who might be helping the Joker fake his death and go to ground. Not that Jason could blame him, he fully intended to take his own samples. Just to make sure.

“Surprised he could even reach out,” Hood said quietly, ducking in close to muffle his words from the asylum workers and cops milling about, “Thought you kept your shit on DND when you’re at your boyfriends.”

“I was already awake,” RR muttered back, fussing with the bag as he settled on his bike.

“Oh my,” Hood grinned, “gettin’ it early Red? So was it your wake up call? Or his?”

RR’s face didn’t twitch but Hood saw those ears turning red. “Goodbye Hood.”

Hood cackled as he watched RR race out the gates and down the bridge, before shouldering his way through the doors. A shrink tried to stop him as he stalked through the halls, but Red Hood simply ignored them. Babs directions were pulled up on his HUD and even the rabbits warren that was Arkham wouldn’t keep him distracted.

The Joker had been hidden away in the isolation cells of the high security (HA!) patient ward, it was eerily quiet when Hood finally approached the open door. Commissioner Gordon looked like shit, exhausted and coffee-stained, his tie mostly undone and a fresh cigarette clenched between his teeth. He nodded at Hood when he stepped into the cell.

“Any other bats or birds I should expect this morning?” He said it with the tired amusement of someone who didn’t expect an answer.

“No.” B slowly lifted his head, still crouched over the body that looked like it had fallen off the bed. “Red Hood is the only one coming to Arkham.” A pause. “There will probably be break ins at the morgue.”

“Fuck me.” Gordon sighed. B and Hood shrugged at him, the Joker had a lot of enemies and a lot of people who’d love to take a swing at his corpse.

Hood crouched next to Batman, snapping on the gloves Batman silently offered him. The body was almost skeletally thin, greasy hair a sickly green and the bright orange Arkham jumpsuit made the pale skin almost ghostly. Hood grabbed a fistful of hair and tilted the head towards him.

The body was stiff, rigor mortis keeping the neck tight and inflexible, Batman braced a hand on the body’s shoulder - helping move it without adding more damage. The Joker’s unpainted face grinned back at him. Hood almost jolted back, almost expected the Joker to pop his eyes fully open and laugh in his face. Batman shifted, pressing his knee into Hood’s thigh.

The helmet captured the sound of his shaky breath before it could be heard. He nodded slightly at Batman, letting him brace the Joker’s body while Hood pulled out a small samples kit.

“Seriously?” Gordon groaned, “Is there going to be any fucking blood left for my coroner once you’re all done with him? I thought you were trying to prevent the vampire accusations Batman.”

B grunted, tapping a gloved hand to the puncture wound he’d taken his sample from. “The average male adult body has 5.7 litres of blood, I highly doubt your coroner will notice a few vials of blood missing.”

Hood side-eyed Batman through his helmet, somehow he thought Batman had taken more than a couple vials of blood on his own. The blood was thick and dark in the vial, already coagulating in the veins. Hood tucked his (single) vial into the kit, bagging some hairs he carelessly ripped out of the scalp and swapping the inside of the clowns mouth before he nodded for Batman to let go. Batman lowered the body gently, more to preserve the scene than out of respect for the body.

“Y’done then?” Gordon asked, ashing his cigarette into the small toilet in the cell.

Hood started to nod as he and Batman rose to their feet when he paused, grinned, and then said, “Well, O did have a request for me.”

B went still at his tone, and Gordon frowned at him. Gordon knew who Oracle was, even if everyone politely pretended he didn’t, “What’d she want?”

“She asked me to piss on the clowns corpse so-“ Hood hooked his hand in the waistband of his jeans, Gordon jolted cursing before Batman sighed and put a hand on his elbow.

“Please don’t tamper with the crime scene Red Hood.”

“Fine.” Hood send turning on his heel, more than ready to be out of this cell, out of Arkham as a whole. Dick had the right idea, he’d set the samples analyzing and then get spectacularly wasted. “Later Commish, B.”

Without looking back, without stopping, Hood left the Joker’s corpse in it’s pathetic cell.

——————

Jason made it out of Arkham, into the city proper and most of the way home before his hands started shaking too hard for him to stay straight on his bike. His chest was tight, dizzy as if he couldn’t breath properly. He dumped his bike in one of the hidden cache’s he wasn’t supposed to know about and hunkered down on the roof of a nearby building. Below him Gotham was alive with people, cars honking and people chattering and it was a dizzying, frenetic mess that he couldn’t quite focus on.

What the fuck was wrong with him? Why was he freaking out??

Shouldn’t there be less shit to freak out about? The clown was dead. Why was he still freaking out?

There was a soft scuff on the ground.

“Hood.”

Batman folded himself down, crouching well out of Jason’s reach. Or- No, crouching so Jason/was out of his reach, with his freaky long ass gibbon arms. Jason pressed harder against the air conditioning unit against his back, the firm pressure forcing him into the here and now.

“Jay-lad…”

Batman flicked the opaque lens away from his cowl, tired and worried blue eyes tracked over him. “You’re alright lad.” Bruce said quietly, “You’re safe.”

“I don’t- I don’t get why,” Jason gasped out, clawing at his helmet and dropping it at his side. The sweat from wearing a full cover helmet and the sweat from this- this fucking panic attack made him feel kind of like he was drowning with it on. “I was fine! So why-“

“It’s alright,” Bruce soothed, his eyes cold and gentle. Bruce was always easiest to understand when you looked at his eyes. Privately Jason thought that was why he developed the opaque lens, why Brucie Wayne was defined by his lazy half lidded gaze. “You don’t-“ Bruce hesitated a bit, eyes pinching at the corners. “You don’t have to be fine, Jason. It’s okay if you aren’t. I-“ Bruce inhaled, set his shoulders.

“I’m not fine.”

Despite himself, Jason barked out a laugh. “That’s obvious old man.”

Bruce huffed a laugh, “Guess I walked into that one. No Jason, I mean I’m not fine about the Joker. Being dead.” Bruce’s fists clenched, “I’ve thought he was dead before, been sure of it. I hope all the samples prove it’s him. I hope he’s really truly dead. But I’ve bet on the Joker being gone before and I don’t know if I can ever trust that he’s truly gone. And that’s okay.”

Bruce shuffled closer, inch by inch, until he could hold Jason’s hands. So gently that the rough textured material of his gauntlets didn’t hurt at all. “It’s okay if you can’t believe it yet Jason. Or ever.”

Jason sighed, tipped forward until his forehead thunked onto the hard line of the Batsuit. Breathed.

“Yeah.” He said eventually, “It’s not paranoia if they’re really out to get ya, right old man?”

Bruce huffed again, “That’s right Jay-lad.” He lifted a hand up, gently stroked it through Jason’s hair. On any other day Jason wouldn’t of allowed it, would’ve already snapped at B and run off.

But today the Joker was dead.

Today he could let his- his dad comfort him.

They stayed together, in the bubble of quiet on the roof, until Jason’s hands stopped shaking. Until breathing felt less like a fight.

“I should go.” Jason muttered finally, leaning out of Bruce’s hold to pick up his helmet. “Need to go shower ‘n’ shit.”

“Well,” Bruce said, “I didn’t want to say anything lad, but you are smelling a little ripe.”

Jason paused, then lunged. Bruce rolled away from the wild grab, pulling out his grapple. “Come back here mother fucker! You want ripe, I’ll fucking show you ripe you old fuck!”

Bruce leapt off the roof, grappling away. Towards the batmobile and off to return to the manor.

And Jason turned away, leaping off the roof towards home. Towards his bed and his shower and the six-pack of beer in his fridge.

Before his feet Gotham pulsed with life, the story must of broken because he could hear people gasping. Snippets of conversation. All saying the same thing.

’He’s dead-’

’The Joker’s dead!’

’Found dead in Arkham-‘

’-good riddance-‘

’about fucking time!’

’-today���s gonna be a good fuckin’ day.’

Jason laughed, arched into his next swing. The Joker is dead, he thought. It was a good fuckin’ day.

[alittlebitofloveliness]

you should absolutely write the genderbent outsiders fic, it would be so interesting to see how many things get changed. often people genderbend one person and just turn them into someone everyone's attracted to rather than looking at character, or they do change everyone but it's still all surface level changes but from what i've seen you seem like you'd do something really interesting with it

(no pressure obviously but it's a really cool idea especially with the attitudes of the outsiders (how would the scene where they meet cherry and marcia play out for example?))

HI! Ok so I do love this idea but I dont have time to wrote a full fic with the nuance it deserves but I did write out two little scenes for it so I'll post them here! One is lifted almost directly from the book its just the genderben take on it :)

“Speaking of movies,” Dalia flicked away her cigarette butt, “I’m thinking of walkin’ over to the nightly double tomorrow night. Might find someone to fool around with. Anyone wanna come?”

Stella shook her head. “The boys are takin’ me and Soda to the game.”

She didn’t need to look at me the way she did then. I wasn’t gonna try and stick around or nothing. I liked Soda’s boy, James, well enough and sometimes they’d offer me and Dar to go with them when they went to do stuff, but I wasn’t gonna try and third wheel. I’d never admit it, because Soda really likes Stella a lot, but sometimes I hate her. She doesn’t need to be half so possessive as she is over everything all the time- and Soda is my sister.

Darlene sighed, just like I knew she would. Darlene never had time to do anything with us anymore. “I have a date tomorrow night.”

She sounded less than enthused at the prospect, and Soda and I shared a look. Ever since mom and dad died, Darlene had spent nearly every night she wasn’t working going on various dates, with each guy seemingly worse than the last- and much as she tried to hide it, it wasn’t hard for Soda and me to guess why. It kind of killed me that my once vivacious sister, who’d always been so fiercely independent, was throwing herself at every mediocre guy who looked her way trying to find someone to provide for her, for us. On her own, Darlene would never consider marriage, at twenty no less, but now she had Soda to support for another year and me for another four and we all knew her two jobs were barely covering bills already. Sometimes the guilt of it, what Dar had already given up and what she was further prepared to lose made me so guilty and sad I couldn’t stand it. I knew Soda felt the same way.

Dalia just rolled her eyes. She only went on dates when it suited her, and only to cause trouble. She didn’t get Dar’s obsession with finding a good man- or if she did, she clearly didn’t respect it. 

“What about the rest of y’all? Two-bit? Jennygirl? You an’ Pony wanna come?”

“Me’n Jenny’ll come,” I knew Jenny wouldn’t open her mouth unless she was forced to, “Okay Dar?”

***************

“You make sure she gets her ass straight home, Soda,” Darlene says, “I mean it.”

I roll my eyes and she fixes me with an icy glare.

“Don’t get huffy with me, Ponygirl. You’re lucky you ain’t grounded. You know better than to be goin’ to the movie house alone.”

“But-”

“No buts,” she fixes me with a stern glare. If it weren't for how cold her eyes are she could be real pretty with her tumble of smoky curls and delicate nose. Now though, she just looks mean, like Tamina Shepard or one of the other girls who date the gang leaders round town, “you ain’t a boy Pony, you gotta quit goin’ around actin’ like one.”

[doodler16]

Loser baby is fine, it’s just what comes after it that terrible, husk is a hypocrite who constantly gives Angel shit, especially when husk tells Angel to be himself. Angel is an addict and he likes sex but husk doesn’t like that. He chastised Angel for doing shit he hasn’t done, husk guilt trip angel for almost drugs when Angel didn’t say anything h, husk assumed Angel was gonna go drugs and have sex during their last night, when again Angel doesn’t say anything. No one fucking cares about Angel situation. Six fucking months and no one has done anything to help this guy get out of sex trafficking.

So basically what Husk said throughout “loser,baby” was a double edged sword. When Cherri Bomb wanted him to take drugs, like you mentioned Anon, Angel didn’t even respond and looked exhausted. Husk has no trust in Angel Dust whatsoever, also what progress Husk? Most of Angel’s progress was offscreen.

Angel Dust: I got an appetite for samplin' every drug and sex toy I can find!

Husk: Be who you are!

Husk lowkey shouldn’t be so surprised. The Hazbin squad only cares about the Angel Dust’s situation when it’s convenient for the plot and even worse they barely acknowledge it unless it affects them. Then again this the same group who didn’t notice Sir Pentious dragged against his will.

If I was writers I would try my best to squeeze the characters asking if Angel Dust is ok or anything of the bare minimum (not like every episode but here and there). Like in episode 6, when Angel Dust gets his ass whooped by Valentino and Valentino even mentions making his life extra hellish. The next episode none of the characters who were present never acknowledge or ask if he’s doing alright. Everything is all normal for the most part. 😭

Then episode 8 ending where they are singing like everything is fine and every season villain they encountered is defeated. Only when you realize Angel Dust is still under contract with Valentino

If I was Charlie (cough cough princess of hell, she has the powers to do mostly anything, even she’s new to this Charlie can always do research or use her connections to help) and I found out the person I was trying to rehabilitate is in a sex trafficking ring and forced to do prostitution, believe me I would do everything in my power first to get them out before I try to get them into Heaven.

[blacktofade]

Fic: gemtho [NC-17]

Inspired by the "game" from Gem's S10E03 (aka I found an excuse to write filth).

--

“You said I could take anything,” Gem reminds Etho, who stares up at her, eyes wide and skin flushed above the line of his mask.

“Yeah, but I meant — ”

Her hands work at his belt and then his pants, getting both of them open, pushing and shoving for what she wants.

“I made my choice,” she says, managing to slip his pants far enough down his hips that she can see he’s half-hard already. “I’m gonna take you.”

His hands are tight on her waist and his mask shifts in time with his breathing, but he doesn’t argue. Not even about the fact that she has him flat on his back in the grass just outside of his home, where anyone might see.

“You could’ve just asked,” Etho groans when Gem spits into her palm and reaches down to stroke him.

“It’s about the game,” she reminds him, and it feels good to have the weight of him in her hand again.

They haven’t done this since they moved, swept up in the chaos of starting over, but she’s missed it — missed him.

And it’s clear Etho feels the same, because it hardly takes any effort to get him the rest of the way hard, the curve of his cock and the wet tip of it making Gem ache inside.

Etho’s hands slide higher, groping at her in a way he doesn’t usually, not unless she really gets him worked up, and she finds out quickly that it’s what she needs.

Part of her wishes she was wearing her skirt still, because if she was, all she’d have to do is tug her underwear to the side and she could take him. Instead, she has to pull back, away from everything she wants.

Etho grunts, but it doesn’t take Gem long to kick off her boots and slip out of her pants and underwear, and Etho stares like he can’t get enough, even after seeing her bare so many times before.

Briefly, he reaches down as though wanting to get his fingers on her — or maybe in her — but she bats his hand away, too impatient for anything that’ll slow her down.

“Gem,” he tries, voice tight, but Gem’s already holding his dick steady, guiding him into her as she slowly sinks down.

Etho’s head tips back, his throat bared, which makes it easy for Gem to fold forward and get her mouth on it.

He feels so good filling her up and he doesn’t move, letting her set the pace she wants, even as she works a bruise onto his skin. The fact that he doesn’t tell her not to makes her even wetter, knowing he wants to walk around with it, that he’s okay with anyone seeing it.

She digs her teeth in, just enough to make him moan as she finally settles on his hips, his cock as deep as she can get it. It’s been long enough that the stretch of it stings a little and she knows she’ll feel it later.

She gives the line of his jaw a final kiss before pulling away, sitting back and looking down at him.

His headband has shifted, his hair a little tangled and flyaway, but he’s breathing hard and staring back at her with dark eyes.

“Still wish I’d taken something else from your base?” Gem asks and Etho exhales forcefully.

“No.”

She smiles at the fact that he answers, like he knows she’d force him to if he didn’t, and then rolls her hips, giving him what he clearly wants.

He lets out another breath and Gem continues, enjoying the feeling of him nudging so deep inside, and she keeps at it for a long moment, reaching between her legs to rub at her clit to help adjust to him.

She could come like that, given enough time, but she doesn’t think she has the patience for it. After so many weeks with nothing but her own hand, she wants Etho to make her come hard and fast.

“Y’know, I never said you couldn’t move,” she muses, watching Etho’s expression shift. “You’re doing that voluntarily.”

His gaze tracks her and she sees the moment he understands, and she feels the moment he understands when he brings his hands up to her back and the world starts to tilt.

Somehow he manages to roll them, slipping out of her only long enough to untangle his pants from around legs, before he pushes her thighs open again and shoves back inside.

She laughs, throwing her arms out and enjoying the softness of grass beneath them.

Etho fucks her with a strength she still hasn’t grown accustomed to, still takes her by surprise, and it’s exactly what she needs.

“God,” she groans, curling her legs around his waist, trying to pull him even deeper with every thrust. “I missed this.”

The frantic snap of Etho’s hips wordlessly says he feels the same, but she can see it in his expression, too. The way he stares at her as though he’d try to find her in any universe they fell into.

She shuts her eyes and turns her hands palms-down, clutching at the ground beneath her, breathing hard and chasing the feeling growing inside her.

Etho moves against her, though his thrusts never stop, and Gem startles as his mouth finds her own, mask no longer in the way. She pushes a moan between his lips alongside her tongue and he kisses back with a fierceness she’s never felt from him before.

It’s like it’s the only way he knows to tell her he never wants them to be apart again.

“Yeah,” she says against his mouth when he finally breaks away to catch his breath, and she hopes he knows it’s the answer to his unspoken question.

Their bodies are loud in the silence around them, but she can hear and feel how Etho is already beginning to lose rhythm, the way he trembles trying to keep up the pace.

“Want me to pull out?” he asks, lips grazing her cheek and Gem shakes her head.

“Don’t care,” she pants, because either way she’ll have to wander down to the river to wash. She’s so wet, she’s a mess already.

Etho adjusts, just enough that every thrust manages to rub her clit at the same time, and she doesn’t stand a chance.

“Etho,” she begs, and in no time at all, he has her coming the exact way she’s needed — deep and devastating.

She’s still shaking from it when Etho gets a hand under one of her knees and pushes it up, fucking her faster but with none of the precision, and when he follows her over the edge, it’s with a loud groan that she can feel through his chest.

He keeps moving — maybe to push his come a little deeper, though probably just because it feels good — and with how wound up she feels, she knows she should take advantage.

“Keep going,” she tells him. “Just a little bit more.”

He’s probably sore and oversensitive, but he still obeys, and Gem reaches between them, circling her clit with two fingers just long enough to make herself come again, the second orgasm hitting sharper, but just as hard.

“Gem,” Etho says, sounding a little astonished, a little broken, but Gem lets herself go boneless with a laugh, her legs dropping from around Etho’s waist.

“God, I needed that,” she sighs, and Etho carefully pulls out before dropping into the grass beside her.

She stays there, eyes closed, catching her breath, a gentle tugging at her hair that suggests Etho’s playing with it as he rests next to her.

She can feel his come dripping out of her, cooling quickly, and yet can’t bring herself to care.

When she opens her eyes, Etho’s watching her, but when he notices, he smiles — a rarity for her to see.

Carefully, she rolls toward him, throwing one leg over his own and bringing a hand up to his face, thumb nestling in the dimple of his cheek.

“I’m glad we’re neighbors,” he tells her, and happiness bubbles up through her chest and escapes as a laugh.

“I’m glad, too, Etho.”

When she leans in to kiss him, he meets her halfway.

[kz-i-co]

Don’t Fall In Love: Part 5

Summary: You are one of the most popular bloggers on your campus, telling enriching stories of your personal heartbreaks anonymously. But your readers are not ready to handle the newest heartbreak of finding out your best friend dating your ex.

Paring: Lee Haechan (Donghyuck) x f!reader

Genre: college au | angst x smut

Warning: story may contain strong language, mentions of drugs and alcohol - sexual references - reader discretion advise.

Words: 5k

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4

Masterlist | Nct 127 Masterlist | Nct Dream Masterlist

Taglist: @lovingvoidgoatee, @lunaryoongie, @matchahyuck, @yixingtion, @mosviqu, @ohmyhuenings, @nctzennikki09, @rosiejunnie, @roxyvogue, @5seos, @aaphroditeprjde, @fullsunkist, @emvrd, @atinypurr​, @liliansun​

::: LoveAboveMyPinkClouds: blog post #56 I hope you guys are enjoying my beautiful story telling because my career is over. I know I'm being dramatic but wouldn't you? I felt fear that I never felt before - that everything was gonna blow up and force me away from the people I love. I don't like this feeling. In fact I hate this feeling and I wish it would go away.... :::

"Umm - yeah." You didn't know what to say - you were busted.

"Why is it at Haechan's place?" She grew frustrated.

"Actually....Jaemin gave it to me. She must of forgotten it at his dorm." Donghyuck saved you once again when he probably shouldn't.

"You really are hooking up with Jaemin? I was hoping you were joking." She said even more frustrated.

"Guilty." You pursed your lips. "Thanks for bringing it." You said as Minjeong practically dragged him into your apartment changing your girls night immediately. "No really thanks." You said with more attitude the minute Minjeong stepped away to gather some drinks.

"Don't mention it....Ever." He rolled his eyes. "Keep track of your shit."

You huffed as you took your purse wanting to admit defeat and go to bed. "You don't mind if he joins our movie marathon do you?"

"No of course not." You smiled.

"I don't know, I think I really should get going, I have studying to do." Donghyuck rubbed his neck nervously from the accidental invite.

"Aww, just one movie." Minjeong begged.

"Yeah....sure." You could see the frustration in his expression as soon as she made her way over to the couch.

You tried to keep cool as you payed attention to the movie. Donghyuck was to your right as Minjeong was to his right laying on his shoulder. You wanted anything to get out of this situation. Fake sick? Pretend to fall asleep? Anything?

You were ready to tell Minjeong the truth but now it was much harder with him here. What should you do? You didn't like confrontation especially when it could have a bad outcome.

"This movie is really scary huh?" You spoke up getting ready to leave.

"Yeah." Minjeong spoke through a yawn.

Donghyuck moved slightly to get more comfortable, accidentally brushing over your bare thigh but immediately retracted and moved the blanket more covering him and Minjeong. You didn't know why but the slight contact gave you chills alone and you wanted nothing more than to pounce on top of him but you had self control.

::: LoveAboveMyPinkClouds: blog post #56 How far must I go? How far will this lie go until I can't take it anymore. Because by this point my relationship with my best friend is over. I betrayed her - I betrayed myself. And I'm officially done - Xoxo peace :::

You felt yourself move closer and closer to Donghyuck that you didn't even realize your hand making it's way under the blanket to a place you probably shouldn't. Self control was overrated.

But you did it anyway and his immediate reaction wasn't to stop you. "(Y/N)." He whispered next to you and you just smirked in response.

"Hmm?" You bit your lip as you rubbed more steady already feeling him grow underneath you. You were just lucky that Minjeong gets so focused into movies, unless you would've already been caught.

You heard him groan and fake a cough as he finally grabbed your hand stopping you. "Everything alright?" Minjeong asked as you froze from your hand still on top of his growing member.

"Oh yeah."

"I'm sorry I doze off a little." She giggled.

"If you're tired, you can go to bed." He said sweetly.

"Only if you join me." She said to both of your surprise which just made you more and more upset.

She was dying to sleep with him and it almost sounded desperate by this point and the worst part was Donghyuck was clearly avoiding it. Was it because of you?

"I can go to my room if you guys want." You tried hard not to sound disappointed.

"Oh no (Y/N) - I'll try to stay awake." She spoke and you all just settled back into a comfortable standby, except the fact you were still resting on his thigh without even noticing it moving closer.

Once things were settled again, he looked over at you and you just acted like nothing was wrong.

"What are you doing?" He whispered.

"You started it." You fought back.

"How did I start it?"

"You touched my leg."

"That was an accident." He said in self defense but couldn't help but smirk to himself.

At this point you couldn't tell if it was natural or he meant it because smirking was just part of his everyday face and he probably does it in his sleep but in this case you still felt he did purposely and he wanted you to suffer when he most likely knew, touching him was forbidden at the moment but jokes on him thinking you were scared.

"Sure it was."

"Shall I make some popcorn?" You asked raising your voice and waiting for Minjeong to responde.

"She's asleep?" Donghyuck answered.

"Hmm." You leaned back getting comfortable once again.

"Don't even think about it (Y/N)." He whispered next to you once again as you just started making your hand under the blanket again.

"What? She's asleep." He looked at you questionable. "You know I was gonna tell her everything - until your ass knocked on the door." You pouted.

"Really?"

"I think it's obvious I want you back." You flirted rubbing him once again. You kept apologizing in your head the moment you pulled him out from underneath the blanket. You constantly felt regret with every action but you just couldn't help it - you wanted him. You weren't sure how Donghyuck was feeling but he seemed to let you do whatever you wanted so maybe he still had feelings for you too. You wanted to know - you needed to know.

He softly moaned and leaned his head back as you picked up your motions.

"Hmm? What do you say?" You flirted some more. "Like things never changed."

"We can't (Y/N)." He leaned back up to look at you as your speed slowed down. You heard him sigh from the look on your face. "I told you...We can't just get back together....Minjeong will be too upset."

"Do you even want me at all? Even after everything?" You took your hand back as your tone sounded bothered.

"I don't want to talk about it right now." He shifted putting himself back together, clearly uncomfortable from leaving him hanging.

"Just say yes or no Hyuck."

"Yes (Y/N)." He whispered louder but was quick to tone it down. "Can we just watch the movie?"

He wanted you as bad as you wanted him. You couldn't help but smile just thinking about it. But he was right - after everything, you couldn't just get back together in these conditions - if Minjeong knew the truth or not, it would be too difficult.

"First thing tomorrow morning." You spoke and leaned your head against his other shoulder.

"What's that?" He looked down at you.

"I'm gonna tell her everything." You looked up at him.

"Everything?"

You nodded and he pursed his lips thinking for a moment and looked down at your lips slightly leaning in but was hesitant before turning away.

"I'm gonna get going." He started to move making you sit up straight and watched him help Minjeong lay down against the pillow that rested against the arm chair.

"Are you sure you don't want to just sleep here? It's past 1."

"I'll be fine - I only live a few blocks away." He smirked. "You worried about me now?" He grabbed some of the soda cans and made his way to the kitchen.

"Of course not." You smiled as you grabbed the garbage helping clean up as well.

"I don't know how tomorrow is gonna go but if you want to stay with Minjeong - you have my permission."

"Are you throwing yourself a pity party?" He asked with his eyebrows arched in amusement.

"What? No...." You said tossing the garbage in the trash.

"I just told you I wanted you." He said leaning closer.

"Well.....knowing you, I wasn't sure if you just told me what I wanted to hear to shut me up."

"You're right I do, do that a lot." He smirked again.

"You're so annoying." You said playfully.

"It's not my fault you never shut up." You made of face of amusement causing him to smile sweetly - a smile you will never want to go away.

"So you want me still? Even after I was a terrible girlfriend." You leaned up against him that you could practically feel his breath against your lips.

"Well you admitted you were wrong so...-" He shrugged.

"I was so wrong." You spoke before finally filling in the empty space.

You would never get used to kissing him - like every time was the first over and over again. Refreshing. You could sense the desperation within his that you already wanted to drag him to your bedroom but you know this couldn't go further tonight - not again while Minjeong was literally a few feet away. And especially not here in this kitchen again or you will never hear the end from Jimin.

You pulled away slightly catching your breath. "I want you to fuck me so bad."

"We can't."

"I know." You could hear the disappointment in your voice. "But I'll think about it tonight."

He groaned. "You can't just say that shit."

"Why does it turn you on?" You started trailing your hand down to his evident bulge.

You reached in kissing him again until you heard Minjeong groan immediately pulling you both apart.

You both looked in her direction to see her getting up and stretching before opening her eyes yawning. "I'm going to bed....are you staying the night Channie?"

"Oh um- I think I'm just gonna head home."

"Goodnight baby....goodnight (Y/N)." She spoke on her way to her room.

"Night." You both said in unison.

"She's like a zombie when's she's sleepy." You giggled.

"Yeah." He said more serious to your surprise. "I'll see you tomorrow (Y/N)."

"There's really no convincing you to stay? You can just leave before she wakes up?" You were practically begging.

"Minjeong wakes up before the both of us."

"I can come over and stay with you then?" You just didn't want to leave him by this point.

He smiled at you sweetly. "Maybe next time." He approached the door but you didn't let him off the hook that easy as you kissed him like it was the last time.

"Just in case that was the last time."

::: LoveAboveMyPinkClouds: blog post #57 I'm walking on eggshells here....what to do now? I love him and he confessed he still loves me but does that mean we can get back together? I'm gonna tell her everything- I owe her.... Especially during this risky game I'm playing with D since we can't keep off each other- even when my best friend is around....like playing a game of hide and seek. She was asleep right? She didn't see anything....right? :::

"On second thought - maybe it is pretty late." He said closing the door behind him and you smirked dragging him to your room.

This was so wrong on so many levels but you loved him and he loved you and it just felt right.

"I fucking hate you right now." He said bringing his lips towards yours as your bedroom door was shut and locked behind you.

"Why? Because I'm irresistible." You smirked again.

"You're so fucking irresistible." He pulled you up as he carried you to your bed laying you down and immediately towering over you as his lips were placed on yours. You thought the last time was an act of desperation but this took the whole cake.

It didn't feel as risky in here which gave you both more room to play with your hormones. The only problem was you still had to manage to stay quiet because there was no explanation this time and Minjeong wasn't drunk to keep her asleep.

Donghyuck always had a talent of leaving chills trailing down your body with just a brush of his lips, from your lips to your neck and even now your hip where he was currently removing your shorts, along with your thin lace panties.

God...you missed this.

The only thing you didn't miss though, was how much of a tease Donghyuck was. He loved to pleasure everywhere but where you needed him most and at the moment your impatience was wearing thin. "Hyuck Please." You begged causing him to chuckle.

"I'll get there." He sucked above your clit some more as you felt his fingers slowly explore your folds. "Is this where you want me?"

"Hyuck." You warned again.

He smirked before moving where you wanted him and sucking your weak spot causing you to immediately moan out. "You need to stay quiet if you want me to continue."

"I'm trying."

He hummed against you before continuing his slow pleasurable movements that you regret even starting since you had no self control in the tone of your voice. You bit your fist trying to hold back but you were screaming on the inside. To make matters worse he pushed two fingers into you causing your vision to daze and you knew you weren't gonna last long at this rate. He always knew how to work his fingers and you were only getting the subtle version on what he could really do.

"Oh my fucking gosh." You cried as you felt your climax to hit any second now.

"Too much?" You can hear the smirk in his voice.

"Don't you dare fucking stop or I'll will actually kill you." You complained from his sudden holt.

The teaser will always be a teaser.

He enjoyed your suffering too much so he continued giving you exactly what you wanted and not too long, you were screaming into your pillow as your high was taking over in probably the best orgasm you've had in a long time. Donghyuck still taking the throne as your best contender....sorry Jaemin.

"You still want me to stay?" He asked sweetly hovering over you, surprising you once again since he was just purposely teasing you seconds before.

"More than you know."

"Are you sure?"

"Donghyuck if you don't stay here and fuck me, I will make your life miserable." You grabbed his buckle and undoing his zipper once again and was quick to pull him out. You gave him a few pumps before guiding him to your needy area.

Once he pushed in, your walls were already clenching from being extra sensitive. "Fuck." He moaned against you and started kissing down your neck. He was working against you in a slow steady motion but once you loosened up, he didn't hesitate to pick up the pace.

"Oh f-fff." You bit your tongue from crying out.

You may have succeeded in being quiet but the soft moans and heavy breathing were enough to concern you, especially now since the soft creak in your bed was your newest issue.

"Hyuck....maybe we should- oh fuck." The pleasure was blinding you.

"What's wrong?" He kissed down your chest.

"It's just-" He was hitting the perfect spot that you couldn't stop him now. "Nothing...."

You moved your hands down his back and pushing his pants to finally pool on the floor leaving him only in his tshirt. He was much quicker than you having you bare underneath him and leaving marks on your exposed chest.

You both were lost in the moment that you didn't even realized the room light up from the only light source that was coming from under the door. "Wait wait wait."

"Hmm?" Donghyuck didn't stop as you stared to the right at the now visible light coming from the hallway. "What?"

You both heard a door slam and the light suddenly turning off. You knew Jimin said she wasn't coming home tonight so it had to be Minjeong.

Did she hear you? No....she couldn't have.

"She was probably using the bathroom." He spoke.

"Shhh." You tried to listen closer but heard nothing. "Maybe you're right.....try to keep it quiet." You teased.

"Me? Really?" He arched his eyebrows as he started rocking against you again.

"I'm not the one making the bed creak."

"Maybe you need a new bed." He sassily responded.

"You're so annoying."

"Good." You grabbed his shirt making him lean down and kiss you again as he gyrated his hips in a sensual manner making your stomach erupt with butterflies.

"Oh my god.....that's it." You moaned making him chuckle against your neck. He love hearing you so vocal.

You didn't know he constantly found your weak spot making you twitch sporadically. "I'm close." You cried softly.

"Hold on baby." He picked up the pace that had you in a fear of not only getting caught but more moans to slip out accidentally.

You felt like any minute, Minjeong was gonna come pound on your door about to expose the both of you.

The risky game was fun but also terrifying.

His movements became unsteady that you couldn't hold on any longer and laid there letting your pleasure take over. He stopped and quickly pulled out, letting his juices cover your stomach. His soft moans causing another stir in your stomach from just how attractive he is.

"Sorry, I wasn't sure if you took your pill or not."

"I did but I couldn't help but noticed you didn't ask me last night." You teased.

"Maybe I was expecting you to speak up first."

"You should learn not to assume." You flirted. "But it's easy to say I never miss a day." He got up grabbing a towel to clean you off.

Once he settled and laid down next to you, he pulled you from behind into a spooning position.

"I missed you." You said softly.

"I know." He spoke bringing his lips towards the back of your neck.

"Do you miss me?"

"Of course." His voice sounded more low, probably already falling asleep.

You wiggled wanting to be as close to him as possible. "(Y/N)." He warned. "Stop moving."

"Whats wrong? You don't want to go again?" You teased.

"You exhaust me."

"Because I'm irresistible?" You giggled.

"Yes baby....now go to sleep." He said practically asleep but you turned around and cuddled into his chest finally letting sleep overcome you as well. You missed times like this where you two could just sleep and cuddle and not worry about anything else in the world.

That is until tomorrow...

- ::: LoveAboveMyPinkClouds: blog post #57 I'm ready....I'm ready to unfold everything of this badly written dumb twilight fanfic I have created. Okay so maybe I'm being dramatic..... but I never felt more terrified about anything in my life. I thought I left all this drama behind in high school but here we are in a new open canvas I would like to call my life. Thank you God. Barely a month ago I was pining over J - a fuckboy who didn't want me... and crying over D like a stupid jealous ex who probably couldn't stand me and vice versa. What has happened? Why did you make me fall in love with you again - well I never fell out of but you get my point. Why are you here making my life a mess again? Why are you here making me feel like an asshole for even breaking up with you. Why am I here ruining everything? I'm sure by now the people in my life know who I am and ready to confront me because this kind of shit doesn't just happen to anyone......it only happens to shits like me.....but hey at least it makes for good story telling.....especially to my kids one day. I'm sorry to everyone I hurt, especially you my best friend who will probably hate me by the end of today....just know that I love you and I'm sorry for what I did and didn't do. Well.....that's it for now - I'll let you know who decided to stick around in my fucked up life after I spill the beans. Hopefully I'll be okay to even continue this blog...thank you guys for listening. Xoxo peace. :::

"Morning." You yawned grabbing a cup of coffee as Jimin was on her laptop doing work. "What are you doing up so early?"

"My term paper is due tomorrow." She spoke taking a sip of coffee as well.

"Shit, so is mine." You rolled your eyes not wanting to process this day. "I hate Sundays."

"Being dramatic already are we?" Jimin laughed.

"We have classes again tomorrow." Jimin just laughed some more. "Is Minjeong still sleeping?"

"Oh no - she went over to "Channies" for breakfast." She giggled keeping up with the lie as well. Donghyuck was gone when you woke up but you didn't know how early since you also liked to sleep late.

"So you haven't told her yet?" Jimin broke your train of thought.

"I was going to last night but he showed up and I didn't know how to with him there."

"That would of probably been the best time to (with him there)."

"It's my lie though - I rather tell her alone." You confirmed.

"Alright - just make it quick because things are taking off."

"Are they?" You asked still feeling questionable.

"Well that was until you two started sleeping together behind her back." Jimin shrugged nonchalantly.

"It was once- twice....and maybe last night - but it's not happening again until I tell her this time."

"That so? I was wondering why I caught him sneaking out this morning." Your face went pale. "Relax, Minjeong was still sleeping."

You sighed. "Just say it Jimin.....I know you're thinking it."

"I'm not saying anything." She shrugged.

"Call me a slut, bad friend, homewrecker.....I know." You scoffed. "I already hate myself because of it."

"You're in a tough spot right now." She shrugged stepping away from her laptop. "Tell her the truth first.......then we'll see what happens - you at least owe her that."

"I just don't know what to do.....I can't lose them both."

"Well, we don't know anything yet.....Minjeong is a pretty forgiving person." She smiled softly. "But in the meantime....maybe you two need to stay away from each other."

"It's so bad Ji - I never wanted him more than I ever had." You whined.

"It's because he's 'unavailable'.....you want what you can't have. It's a mental desire." She spoke. "But he's giving into it as well which is probably making it harder for the both of you."

"Morning ladies." Minjeong came through the door perky and even bought breakfast for the two of you.

"Why are you so happy?" Jimin asked.

"Nothing." She shrugged. "I think I'm gonna give myself to Channie tonight."

"Give yourself?" You asked.

"You know.....give up my virginity." She took a deep breath before smiling.

"Really?" Jimin said side eyeing you.

"Yeah. He's been a little distant lately so maybe this will be the thing we need to jump into the next step." She sighed. "I've been hesitant because I don't want to come off desperate but I can't take it anymore....I'm gonna go for it tonight."

"I'm afraid of him getting bored because I'm not giving him any." She continued shrugging.

"I'm sure he's getting plenty." Jimin slipped causing you to nudge her.

"He asked me to dinner tonight so I think it will be a perfect time." She smiled some more. "I promise I will keep it down unless it hurts as much as they say than I'm sorry."

You turned your back opening the fridge. You didn't know how to hide your emotions this time. You figured this was the test to find out Donghyuck's true feelings on what he wants to do.

"Oh by the way.....do any of you have.....condoms?" She whispered like it was forbidden.

"He's a guy....he will have some - probably in his wallet." Jimin laughed but was quick to tone it down from how bothered you were.

"How do you know he's ready for that - you guys only been together for like 3 weeks." You spoke not turning around.

"You're the one that said guys are impatient and he's probably just being a gentleman - well I'm done waiting."

"I just want to make sure your first time is special that is all." You shrugged finally closing the fridge.

"I've been together with a guy for almost a month and want to sleep with him but you are the one who hooks up with guys left and right shamelessly and you expect me to listen to you?" She snapped.

She sighed as the silence was tense. "Look I'm sorry (Y/N) but I don't know what your deal is lately....you act like you're against relationships but now I feel it's only targeted towards Haechan - why don't you like him? He's been nothing but sweet to me, I just don't get it, I finally found a guy I like what's so wrong with that?"

You didn't know what to say and better yet - how were you suppose to tell her the truth now? She was angry at you already and she didn't even know the truth yet.

Minjeong started walking away and Jimin got up stopping her. "Wait, (Y/N) needs to tell you something."

Thanks Jimin.

"No offense but I really don't want to hear it." She spoke up.

"She's right, who should listen to me anyway." You said being the first to leave and go back to your room focusing only on your paper you needed to get done.

::: LoveAboveMyPinkClouds: blog post #58 I think it's time to call a quits. My so called best friend is 'there I say it' in love? Well? Maybe or maybe not but she definitely is on her way there more or less and she's not planning on leaving him anytime soon....I guess it's all up to D now and if he truly loves me like he said he does, and continue this love affair - but I'm done with all of it anyway. My heart is broken and I can't handle it anymore......I might need another vacay before I drown myself into a como:/ xoxo peace. :::

You needed a break from this damn paper with a nice refreshing can of redbull. The funny thing was you were sneaky about it, afraid Jimin was out and about, hogging the living room like earlier. You had enough of her continuous nagging and just wanted to crawl up into a ball and forget this day ever happened. "I told you to tell her the truth." Not like you felt shitty enough.

Target acquired and the coast was clear once you made your way to the fridge and opened it, reaching inside for your refreshing can that.....wasn't there. "Dammit Ji."

One thing you were looking forward to in this shit storm of a day with your pathetic paper that was due only in a few hours and all that was left was 400 words and all you wanted was your damn redbull. You reached in and grabbed her monster instead - not as good but it will suffice it's purpose you suppose.

You were just about to make a speedy exit towards your room until you heard the door slam shut, startling you more than it should.

You heart sank as soon as you saw Minjeong sniffling and tears down her face. "Oh hey." She said trying to show a smile.

"Hey." You were clearly hesitant seeing your friend so upset. "You okay?"

"Ah huh." She lied placing her keys on the counter. "Not really actually."

"Haechan broke up with me." She continued causing you to become speechless.

"What?"

"Hmm....yup."

"What happened?" You asked further.

She shrugged. "Everything seemed fine, we had a nice dinner - even kissed a little. I can tell something was bothering him though but I just figured he was stressing about the paper tomorrow." She wiped her tears with the sleeve of her sweater. "And then he just drove me home and said the 'we need to talk' and just like that we're over." She took a deep breath.

"I'm so sorry." You began.

"He said he couldn't get over his ex and he needs some time to be alone." Your heart skipped a beat. "Can you believe that."

This whole mess was really all your fault. But where did it all start? The night you broke up in the first place or the other night when you slept together. He seemed fine before when you both were tearing at each others throats but now you had to get in the middle and confusion everything all over again.

You wanted to tell her. You wanted her to know the truth but why does it seem like every time is the worst time. The truth now will admit that he is still in love with you.

"Now I know why you are so bitter with relationships. You aren't over your ex either....I wonder who his ex is? Maybe she's prettier than me."

"You can't think like that.....You will find someone else I promise."

"But he was so hot and funny and charming." She whined.

"There's tons of hot guys in this school - trust me." You spoke trying to reassure. "And funny ones."

"Maybe we can go to the club together and find someone."

"I'm done with that actually because I was thinking you were right - that lifestyle is too dangerous and I rather meet someone the safe way and so should you."

"But that clearly doesn't work." She whined some more.

"Yes it does - not every relationship is going to work out." You sighed. "There is a frat party tomorrow night, how about we go together."

"Okay." She nodded agreeing.

You had to go see Donghyuck. You need to know what was going on from his side. Your term paper was the farthest from your mind at this moment.

You got what you wanted but was it right? Are you a horrible person because of this? Maybe....

too be continued in the next part....

©property.of.kz-i-co  

[quarantineddreamer]

Jyn Week Day 1: Home

I wasn't sure I was gonna post this, because it's really not my best work. But then again, with the way my brain has been lately not much is! And I wanted to participate and show our girl some love so. Fighting through the perfectionist in me and here's this little thing <3

Though the Rebels had breathed new life into the cave upon their arrival, the network of tight tunnels and sprawling caverns that made up Echo Base had a history that stretched back to a time long before the war. There were stars younger than the stone walls that surrounded them, buried beneath layers of ice so thick, it was unlikely the galaxy would ever uncover the secrets they contained.

It had not taken Jyn long to begin exploring the area, seeking hidden nooks and crannies to which she might escape. Within a week, she had formed a sprawling mental map, memorized the quickest routes to every exit, marked the nearest spaces to duck to when Draven was after her about her latest display of ‘irresponsible/reckless/unacceptable’ behavior–or, when she simply needed quiet. (Which seemed to happen more and more with each passing day spent trapped in this hellhole.)

Tonight, she was bundled in her warmest gear: every thermal layer she possessed, two sweaters, one parka, her hat and scarf, gloves, and four socks pulled one after the other till she could barely squeeze her feet into her boots, much less feel them. 

Clumsiness was the price to pay when you wanted to be up and about at this hour on Hoth–that, or frostbite. It was why, for the most part, no one on Echo Base left their beds after sundown unless they absolutely had to. In temperatures this cold, you’d have to be out of your mind to willingly leave the relative comfort and warmth of your room without very good reason.

Apparently, Jyn was out of her mind, because she’d woken from a dream–the one where the fires of Scarif blinded her one minute, and she was trapped in the cold bunker all alone the next–and crawled out from beneath her blankets. She’d dressed in the dark, moving by instinct more than anything, her skin itching and heart racing as the walls seemed to press closer and closer. Before she’d fully realized what she was doing, she had found herself fumbling by the dim yellow cast of a lantern to a place well-beyond the boundaries of Echo Base.

It would have been all too easy to take a wrong turn–and subsequently freeze to death trying to find her way back–but her body had taken care of her when her mind could not. Before too long she had arrived at a vaguely familiar antechamber, small and circular, with smooth, curving walls.

As she sat and leaned her back into their hard surface, it felt as though she were being held in the palm of some ancient, mysterious being. She took in her surroundings like someone waking up from a dream. Why had her instincts guided her here? 

Then she felt it: air, fresh air; the barest of hints of it brushing across the tip of her nose and suddenly it all made sense. She closed her eyes and drew it deep into her lungs–holding it for a moment with the gratitude of someone reuniting with a long lost friend–before releasing a slow, careful breath. It lingered in the air before her–the ghost of a scared and lonely girl—a swirling cloud of mist, glowing purple. 

Heart in her throat, Jyn lifted her eyes, seeking the source of the strange light. High above her, the chamber’s ceiling of ice and rock gave way, revealing an incredible sweep of night sky, dancing with color. Wind whistled across the opening of the cave…waves whispered upon a black-sanded shore…

“What are they, Mama?”

Her mother’s amused hum tickled at her back. “The Force paints a path home for those that are lost, my love.”

Jyn squirmed beneath the blanket, trying to find her father’s face amidst the orange, flickering shadows of the bonfire. “What are they really, Papa?” 

Mama’s head rested beneath his chin, his arms wrapped around them both, a shield from the wind. He gave her a smile; her favorite kind, the kind he gave her when he asked if she could keep a secret. “You don’t believe your mother?”

Jyn didn’t think her question had anything to do with belief, she simply wanted to know. Mama often told her stories about the Force; stories about love and anger, light and dark, and the threads that tied the world together–just like the ones her favorite blanket was made of. But Papa told her stories too; stories like what kind of soil made the plants on the farm grow, or why her skin turned red after too much time in the sun, or how to fix Stormy when his arm fell off. Mama’s stories were stories she saw and felt on the inside, while Papa’s were ones she held in her hands. But they were both a part of her, pieces she carried with her wherever she went. 

She studied the sky again, following the splashes of purple and green and blue as they wove their way between clusters of stars. She wondered what it would feel like to stand on one of the rippling bands of light; tried to imagine stepping one foot after the other across the horizon as her mother had described. Maybe it would be warm, like sand in the sun, or maybe it would be more like waves lapping at her feet, cold and tingly. 

“A scientist’s daughter through and through,” Mama laughed. “I recognize that look in her eyes…”

Jyn wasn’t sure what exactly she meant by that, but she tore her gaze away from the lights in the sky and turned towards her father instead, ready for his answer.

His skin shimmered green, then blue, and back again, the same colors as the ones that hung in the air above them. “The path your mother spoke of is made of particles, shed by our planet’s suns.”

Jyn frowned at this. “But it’s nighttime.”

“Just because we cannot see something, does not mean it is no longer there,” Papa explained, reaching over to tug the blanket back over her shoulders. “Tonight, the aurora reminds us that the suns have not left us, and they will rise again tomorrow.”

She twisted to face Mama again. “So the suns are the Force?”

“The Force is the suns,” her mother murmured reverently, “and the wind, and the waves, and the sand beneath you. It’s the salt on your tongue when you breathe in and…” she smiled as she poked Jyn’s nose with the tip of her finger, “that means it’s a part of you, and me, and your Papa too.”

Jyn settled into her parent’s arms again and shut her eyes, feeling for the Force her mother spoke of. She wasn’t sure what it was supposed to feel like. 

But she thought there might be some truth to her parents’ words, because though she could not see them anymore, she could sense them there beside her. The comfort of her mother’s heartbeat under her ear, the warmth of her father’s breath as he bent to press a kiss to the top of her head. 

And if she were to find herself lost and standing amidst the aurora, she felt certain this was where they would bring her.

The colors of the sky began to blur and run together. Jyn wiped roughly at her eyes, urging tears away before they could turn to frost upon her cheek. Hoth was more than a far cry from the beaches of Lah’mu, yet she felt closer to it now than she had in a long time.

“Beautiful,” a voice murmured, echoing quietly off the stone around her. 

Jyn started, turning towards the rasp of footsteps. “Cassian…” Leave it to the spy to find her in the middle of a labyrinth in the dead of night.

“How long have you been standing there?” she asked warily, taking one last self-conscious swipe at her face with the sleeve of her coat. 

“Not long,” he answered, lingering at the entrance to the cavern.

But long enough… Jyn figured. She heaved a short sigh and returned her gaze to the aurora, an ache in her chest. “There were lights like this on Lah’mu,” she murmured, an explanation of sorts–though Cassian had not asked for one. 

He ducked past the icicle that hung in from the tunnel’s opening and silently came to sit beside her, his shoulder brushing against her own. Though it barely made a difference in a cold this numbing, Jyn found herself drawing comfort from the warmth of his body beside her. 

“How’d you find this place?” he asked softly. 

She glanced at him, but he was looking at the lights above, granting her a reprieve from the weight of his stare. “How’d you find me?” she countered. 

The corner of his mouth lifted slightly, but his eyes were serious when they landed on her again. “I went to your room and you weren’t there. For a moment I thought…” he shook his head and took a sudden interest in his boots.

“You thought I’d left?” 

“I didn’t know what to think. I checked the infirmary next.” There was an odd strain to his voice, something she couldn’t quite place. “No one had seen you there either, so I headed towards the perimeter,” a small smile crossed his lips, “I’ve noticed you wander to the edges of Base when you’re trying to avoid Draven.”

“Of course you did,” Jyn remarked. “Then what?”

“I followed the light…” 

“And it led you here…” The memory of her mother’s story–still fresh in Jyn’s mind–began to mingle with words Cassian had once spoken to her. The kyber crystal she wore seemed suddenly heavier than it had a moment ago, a hand resting over her heart. 

She thought of Bodhi, Chirrut, Baze, even K2. Of all the people who she had gotten to know because of the Rebellion. People who had her back. People who might not understand all of her, but who accepted her nonetheless.

“Hoth is the first time we’ve really slowed down since Scarif,” Cassian said, ignoring her sudden glance at the mention. “I know it can be hard to adjust to life in the Rebellion.”

A tentative smile tugged at the corner of her lips. “Yeah,” she replied, catching a ripple of light and shadow as it wandered across his face. “I've been feeling lost…but I think I’m beginning to find my way.”