#unless it's like offensive

[pama-saga]

I have to tell y'all, if you make fanart I will appreciate it forever, even if it's a damn scribble or if the character is 50 gazillion degrees different I will still enjoy it

[stuckinapril]

I remember back when I used to be the chill cool girl who didn’t take offense to anything and wasn’t hurt by anything and was nonchalant about everything and wasn’t bothered and didn’t care and was so chill and cool…….. thank god I healed

[puppyeared]

learning abt friendship decay and "not reaching out to your friends for months at a time unprompted is not neurotypical behaviour" has me feeling a certain way

[crustyfloor]

The way Till looked genuinely pissed off because of Ivan but he’s not mean about it. Just thinking. The fact that he didn’t just say fuck off right then and there when Ivan asked him for a kiss, but he instead worked around it, as if after realizing Ivan was actually serious he said this as an attempt to pacify Ivan. because even though we get the irony here, it does look like Till trying to ‘let him down easy.’

Even his internal dialogue is harsh, but he doesn’t voice it.

And when Ivan starts whining and getting in his space again, Till doesn’t bother pressing it and just lets Ivan sulk, as if he’s simply handling a pouty child. Like he’s used to it and just letting it be, it doesn’t mean he liked it but Till really wasn’t trying to hurt Ivan.

(even more unsurprising how no punches were thrown, again. Till can only be provoked into acting that way, had this been Ivan’s perspective I’m sure this situation would have looked a lot more narrow-minded)

[kennyomegasweave]

So do we trust Korn's sugar baby? Or nah? Cause Korn came in and told him about his new position in the part of the company he didn't even know existed and I'm like ...was that a smart choice? Or no?

Cause the baby's reaction to hearing that was being like "that's cool cause you'll def be good at it, but can you fuck me raw now?" And I'm just like ...do we trust this baby? Or no? Cause Korn's family is obviously into some shady shit, so he's gonna get into some shady shit, so is his sugar baby gonna be shady? But the boy also just looked really bummed to not only not be getting that round two, which is understandable, but to just getting whole ass pushed off and left with a "sorry, you know how my dad is."

Obviously it's only been one episode so there's no answers, but I still have questions! lol

[darkfictionjude]

Honestly Im starting to be thinkin crowny is set to default as demisexual 😭

some people might branch out as not and some might stay with the default setting

Uh no they’re not where the heck did you get that from💀

Not having a life that has opened your mind to thinking about sex ≠ demisexual

[mulders-too-large-shirt]

s3 episode 12 thoughts

ha! a post at a different time than usual! you didn’t see this coming, did you? well i like to keep you guessing

do you hate bugs? if so, this may not be the episode for you!

(based on the poll i have running, i’m going to try putting a “read more” thingy on this post. please let me know if this enhances your experience. what a cruel thing to only think of 3 seasons in…)

disclaimer on the formatting of this blog aside, let us jump in, straight from the moments right before i clicked the play button.

okay, so last episode will be a hard act to follow, given that it was my new favorite episode. BUT i think i’ve seen that this episode is a fan favorite?? i think?? so we shall see…

trying to go in with no expectations at all. not even one. just let the story take me where it goes.

but i thought i did see something about this episode referring to a mulder ex?? not sure i can deal with that again at this point in my life. not after phoebe. still haunted by that arthur conan doyle thing.

it's bug time in massachusetts. learn some bug facts with this kindly looking fellow. 

i love academics who are really into things like bugs. i love when they love funny creatures. WAIT HE STEPPED ON IT!! that was cruel??? maybe he is not a kindly fellow after all…

okay, i THOUGHT this dude was teaching a class on science, but he’s an exterminator... LMAOOOOOO they got me with that gag

so he’s putting down a new pesticide to kill the cockroaches. always risky business, those pesticides.

he sprayed the bug with the stuff and then stomped on it and it seems like he started choking?? is he messing with some dangerous poison here??? pesticides scare me…. 

the bugs are pouring out of surfaces and onto him and it is making my skin craaaaawl!!!

oh, a cricket now graces our screen! a pleasant creature. on mulder’s windshield? he went up to massachusetts for the weekend! but not for family reasons. for alien reasons.

scully is cleaning her gun and talking to him on the phone while he looks up at the sky. it’s quite charming <3

“look scully, i know it’s not your inclination, but did you ever look up into the night sky and feel certain that not only was something up there, but it was looking down on you at the exact same moment, and was just as curious about you as you are about it?” <- ohhhh he’s waxing poetic. ohhh what does the massachusetts bring out in this man?

scully is going on about how she thinks the real fascinating truth is that life exists here on this planet at all, and uses the word “anti-darwinian”… and he asks what she is wearing??? she laughs at this 

(i actually really liked her little monologue here and would copy it down, but i want to see what happens next)

he references planet of the apes and they both understand it, which means they have both seen a movie that i have not. sad!

a bright light shines on him and he says he has to go, so he hangs up. way to freak her out!

it’s a cop. he asks what mulder is doing. “just sitting, thinking” LMAOOOO they hate to see a man who ponders

the cop asks for his ID after implying he is on drugs, and then is gagged when he pulls out his FBI badge. and then all of a sudden he’s a “sir”... okay. only getting respect AFTER the occupation reveal. not the most morally outstanding thing...

the cop asks why he has his windshield wipers on and he’s like oh, just knocking a bug off, and the officer reaches for his gun??? and asks if the bugs he is referring to were cockroaches. he’s like… maybe? or maybe a beetle?? “i’m not really good with bugs” LMAOOO

then the cop leaves when he says there is a roach attack. oh?

scully is trying to just enjoy a meal and some tv when he calls and says that she needs to get up here because “it appears that cockroaches are mortally attacking people”, to which she replies “i’m not going to ask you if you just said what i think you just said, because i know it’s what you just said”, which would also be my response to this information!

(she has flowers on her glass of water. it’s quite pretty)

anyway. bodies with roaches. (nicki voice) ROACHESSSS!

oh, they’re very scientific up there in this town, all the people who were victims/witnesses were expert scientists... hmm. any roach scientists?

the guy whose house was being exterminated says he sees cockroaches when he closes his eyes, and he can’t sleep!! that is very concerning.

scully says it might be an allergic reaction to roaches that killed this dude, and this seems to please mulder as an answer, or at least bide him enough time to let her stay the night at her place. and when the cop asks who was on the phone, he says “my drug dealer” <- hahahaha get his ass

in this next scene, i at first thought people were doing some science, but it seems these are teenagers that are doing drugs. and whatever it is has a cockroach crawling in it?

OHHHH OHHHH NO. A COCKROACH JUST CRAWLED INTO AN OPEN WOUND ON THIS KID'S HAND. OHHHH IS THIS GONNA BE A BODY HORROR EPISODE??? BLECKKK this was not what i was expecting after many jokes!! 

he’s scratching and scratching and i literally cannot look. i heard him yell “get them out of me” but i am already light headed and we shall leave it at this.

cut to scully cam. her dog is getting a bath!!! with anti-flea shampoo….. does the creature have bugs or is she just being very cautious? not sure if more bugs would be an auspicious sign. good to see the dog again, i’ve missed him. what a cute little fellow. he whines. 

of course her phone rings when she is covered in soap!!

mulder says she better get up there. the kid is dead. and there were very much drugs at the scene, but mystery drugs.

she says that sometimes people who are high can imagine bugs in their skin- it’s called ekbom’s syndrome. again, love when she knows this stuff. and he says that she is probably right, and she doesn’t really have to come up. “sorry to bother you”, he says, and she says “it’s no bother” into the phone with a smile. 

but the dog!!! he has run away!!! still covered in soap!! naughty little fellow.

back a the scene of the crime. a roach has been caught. mulder somehow squished it. but the exoskeleton was made of metal?? OH! his hand is bleeding!!!

GET HIS HANDS CLEAN NOW!!!

is this some sort of future cockroach that has developed advanced resistance to eradication efforts?? like the darwinian stuff scully was talking about earlier???

he is still bleeding. at the doctor. and the doctor wants to know what the hell is going on. mulder doesn’t know. and the sheriff asks the same thing!!! many are wondering.

doctor goes to the bathroom and a roach approaches. NO NO NO I SEE WHERE THIS IS GOING AND I HATE IT NOOOO. 

“i see the correlation, but just because i work for the federal government doesn’t mean i’m an expert on cockroaches” mulder!!!! what a way to speak of your coworkers! hahaha

oh!! someone has been doing experiments in the town!! this dude says killer bees were an accident, and maybe these cockroaches are something similar- is that true about the bees??? need to fact check. OH MY GOSH IT IS??? what the hell. what a scary world we live in.

so the doctor is dead. he was covered in cockroaches when he was found dead, but now they are gone? except for one on the sink. that one falls down the drain.

back to scully cam. she’s reading truman capote’s breakfast at tiffany’s!!! she picks up the phone with “who died now?” LMAOOO

she says it was probably a brain aneurysm that killed the doctor, and it looks like it was. cutscene to him jumping into the secret area.

scully at home, looking up cockroaches on a… laptop? with her glasses on <3 and eating ice cream right out of the carton. honestly queen shit!!! her hypothesis: new cockroach species…?

“mulder, you’re not thinking about trespassing onto government property again, are you?” she asks, while he is at the door LMAOOOO 

“i know that you’ve done it in the past” <- yeah, he is a repeat offender. her tone here was so funny, too. trying to gently talk him out of it.

“it’s too late, i’m already inside” HAHAHA

(deep resigned scully sigh) “well, what’s going on? what do you see?” this exchange says so much about them <3 if he's gonna get his ass in trouble, he at least better describe to her in great detail what is going on

he is giving her a full walk through of this place, which looks like a normal house except the moving walls. until the roaches burst through.

and someone turns a light on! he says he has to go. see, that is exactly when i would want someone to be on the phone with me, when a mysterious entrance is made.

so we see dr. berenbaum. i guess she was at home alone, but damn, they are really trying to show off her chest.

“what’s a woman like you doing in a place like this?” he asks. gag (and not in the slay kinda way, in the "please stop mulder, you're making me cringe" kinda way)

OHHH scully is still staring at the phone… is she contemplating or did he forget to hang up?? does she have to listen to all of this? another case of her being god's strongest soldier if she has to hear this.

and in the next scene, dr. berenbaum has buttoned her flannel. it is differently buttoned in the next cut.

WAIT. she’s talking about UFOs. she thinks they are really insect swarms. this seems like a trap to lure mulder into some trouble, by getting him distracted...

she’s saying something about loving insects. so now we get a REAL academic who loves bugs!

LMAOOOO the phone rings and he answers it only to say “not now”, ohhh he wants her bad. he says that he finds insects to be very interesting. LMAOOOOOO an absolute LIAR!! just after she said she loves bugs for being honest. mulder is not immune to lying to women to make them like him. a cardinal sin! just be yourself, man!

at a motel room, a cockroach is approaching another guy’s feet. and he’s scratching at himself and i see where it’s going and i’m NOT LOOKING. i can’t bear it. 

mulder waking up. in. a bed? did they hookup??? oh i don't need to imagine that.

no, seems he is by himself, in the motel. which is good. i don't need that kind of energy in my life. 

he opens his eyes and immediately calls scully. who was sleeping with the phone on her pillow to be there if he called again. AWWWW. she is so thoughtful.

she does not seem to be enjoying that the scientist is a woman, and also that her name is bambi, which like. okay, i get that. bambi is kinda wild as a name, lmaooo. she cannot believe it. no offense to any bambis reading this, you are deeply valued. he's babbling about bambi and bugs and her parents were both naturalists, and dude, shut upppp

“scully, can i confess something to you?” he asks

(scully is visibly cringing, with pain in her voice) “yeah sure, okay!” <- LMAOOOO she was prepared for the worst!!! but ready to try and be supportive no matter what!! that is friendship! this moment was sosososososo cute. she was bracing herself for the worst but still trying to be kind. she did NOT wanna hear about his antics with this bambi!! and i do not blame her!!!

he says “i hate insects”, and she tries to comfort him saying lots of people are afraid of them!!! because that is a good friend who sleeps next to the phone waiting for your call, even after you mysteriously hang up on her!!!

! MULDER LORE REVEAL ! he was terrified of a praying mantis as a child. they look like aliens. he was repulsed by the mysteries of the natural world. we can unpack that at another time.

he says that it “wasn’t a girly scream” that he let out as a child, and she asks if he was sure LMAOOOOO 

she’s so funny i SWEAR. they need to call more late at night/very early in the morning just to make fun of each other but also do their very best to support each other.

but! a loud screaming in the distance. he hangs up the phone again and she rolls her eyes. 

discovery: that the dude seen in the hotel earlier was covered in cockroaches. also, he is dead.

mulder at the scene with his JEANS ON, NO SHIRT, BELT UNBUCKLED????

wait. we need to unpack this. was he SLEEPING in jeans??????? holy fuck... we need to lock this man UP, that is CRAZY!

anyway, the cockroaches that were just on that guy's body are gone. so they just disappeared somehow. not as crazy as a man sleeping in jeans, but it is up there.

she’s getting her stuff to come up there now. and i like that we get to see into her place, her little kitty on the desk, her two giant bookshelves. maybe i tried to pause and read what was on there, any maybe i had no luck!

also, now she’s on the phone with him explaining the mysterious death, and he’s clothed. he must have saw the dead body and realized he had time to change.

mulder seems to think that this dude had a heart attack. and all of scully’s theories have seemed correct. but that doesn’t explain the metal exoskeletons, which he had NOT mentioned before, and leaves her gagged.

“mulder, i’m coming up there” “whatever”, he says, as he sneaks onto the ground, to catch a roach!!! petulant child of a man.

cut to bambi, analyzing the cockroaches. with mulder pressed veeeeery close to her face. and the cockroach is… hung? but they are actually robots??? so this robot cockroach has that as a design. interesting. 

turns out, a guy who makes bug robots lives in town. so mulder is off to visit. and we see a little one walk by!!! about the size of a roomba or small dog. mulder seems enchanted by it, following it in. it's a very cute little guy. i politely request 10 of them.

dr. ivanov is the fellow behind all this. they’re trying to make AI robots by making them bugs. interesting strategy. if only AI was used to make cute little dog-sized robot bugs in our age...

the robots are following mulder about. dr. ivanov says the bug robot likes him!!! aww

the goal of this research is that they want to send the bugs to space!!!! to explore alien civilizations! and that if aliens visit our planet, they will also be robots. if you think otherwise, you have been brainwashed by sci-fi. scalding hot takes coming from dr. ivanov here.

interesting to see two separate takes on what aliens/UFOs actually are in this episode from someone other than mulder.

these roomba or small dog sized bug robots are soooo cute, not at all like those real looking cockroaches.

ugh! i just realized they probably had to get a TON of roaches on set to film all this. and they were probably crawling about…. euGhHhh

he asks dr. ivanov to identify the bug legs. and dr. ivanov looks terrified. he says it is beyond his comprehension...??

and then a cockroach walks across the screen? it looks like it’s walking right on the camera. i had to replay to see if it was supposed to be walking along their faces, but no, it’s completely flat, right on you, the viewer’s screen, which i’m sure made a lot of people jump!!!

the grocery store is being looted for all things, even chocolate and pantyhose. someone crashes a car, and someone else slams into scully, who looks IMMENSELY displeased.

scully just wants a damn map, but one person is saying that roaches are eating people whole, then another person says they’re spreading ebola. the misinformation panic can produce!

she starts yelling in the convenience store, and people mostly calm down. queen of controlling the situation. until someone knocks over some candy that sort of kind of looks like roaches if you squint and the stampede resumes. 

LMAO SHE TAKES ONE OF THE CANDIES. 

dr. ivanov and mulder are drinking whisky??? okay, boys night i guess. he finds a real looking roach on the way out. and starts talking to it.

he brings it to bambi and she confirms it’s a real cockroach.

scully calls, saying this town is insane. and that she has a lead! the alternative fuel researcher brought various animal dungs in, which could have started an infestation. and she says “maybe you can confirm this with your dr. bambi” and there is a sort of venom in there that has me giggling. get his ass queen.

oh, and now he’s going on about aliens. she says he’s been in this town too long. 

HE BRINGS BAMBI TO THE INVESTIGATION??? he says to wait until it’s safe and he’s worried about the human element. DOES HE MEAN SCULLY?? or the researcher...

so poor bambi is just gonna sit in the car i'm crying

it’s the guy who was saying he was seeing cockroaches in his sleep!! and who found the first body, of the exterminator!!! he’s in there spraying stuff on a cockroach and it doesn’t do anything.

sure enough, cockroaches in his dung samples. mulder goes to touch it when this DUDE SHOOTS AT HIM?? his name is dr. eckerle. he says they’re following him. and that the bugs drive him crazy. 

scully rolls up and says “let me guess- bambi” and bambi says “fox told me to wait out here” FOX?? hearing his real name is always such a jumpscare. she loads her gun and says this is no place for an entomologist. OKAYYYY steal his girl!!!

back in the lab, dr. eckerle has mulder at gunpoint. he’s reciting bug facts to distract him.

mulder tries to explain that dr. eckerle hasn’t gone crazy, but then he brings the gun back up to his chest and asks mulder if he’s a cockroach, so. jury’s out on that one. 

scully in da research facility. she can’t find him. so she rings his phone. and dr. eckerle takes this as a sign that he is a cockroach!! he fires his gun in the facility full of methane gas and they have to run run run!! they make it outside and tell bambi to get down just in time.

agents are covered in exploded dung. deeply unfortunate.

and there had been 4 other fires that night!!! and a whole lot of automobile accidents, assaults, other such panic induced things. but no cockroach problems. 

the episode ends with another planet of the apes quote and bambi hitting it off with dr. ivanov.

scully observes all this and says “smart is sexy” LMAOOOOOOOO 

AND THAT THEIR CHILDREN MIGHT SAVE THE PLANET THE NEXT TIME DUNG EATING OUTER SPACE COCKROACH ROBOTS REACH THE PLANET. she is sooooo out of pocket!!!!!! but it was deserved.

he doesn’t seem to know what to say to this so he tells her she smells. and she seems taken aback LMAOOO

episode wrap up time. mulder edition. “the development of our cerebral cortex has been the greatest achievement of the evolutionary processes. big deal.” <- okay i’ve said lmao a lot, but that one got a real, genuine laugh out of me. ugh his dumb ass… love him so bad. 

he is typing and typing and we see his fish in the background. also he is eating something. that i really hope has no cockroaches.

he’s going on about the vastness of technology but then has to slap the computer to get it to work LMAOOOO

he’s calling humanity mindless and primitive and BAM cockroach looking thing on whatever it was he was eating. he gets around to smack it. and then he lands a great smack, with an FBI file. i paused in case it had any clues to various mysteries and the file number is “667386”, but i don’t think that’s actually relevant at all

we hear a cockroach chirp as the end credits roll

WELL! that was an interesting episode. it’s interesting how even an episode centering on mysterious cockroach deaths can be made funny. they leaned into the campy elements, which i enjoyed.

things on my mind, in no particular order: scully cleaning her gun while calling mulder, mulder talking in poems while watching the stars, how they quoted planet of the apes at the beginning and then when two other did it it was in an implied romance (hey listen, you can’t stereotype the bond between two academics sharing a niche interest into such basic categories as “romance” or “friendship”, but i call it as the narrative presents itself), doggy bath time, the intimacy of long distance phone calls in pajamas, scully sleeping with the phone on her pillow, scully reading breakfast at tiffany's, this man sleeping in jeans.

it’s always weird watching them flirt with people that aren’t each other. and i know the writers do that on PURPOSE but it’s so weird!! the thing you did to be purposefully weird is working!!! so i was wrong about my initial assumption i had seen based on posts crossing my dash, she was NOT a former romantic partner, but a current love interest that did not seem to really feel the same. she just loves bugs, man. can you blame a woman? is there any greater love than between a woman and her research?

but seeing scully lowkey kinda jealous was also making me laugh. i’m not a believer in the whole “men and women can’t be friends thing”, so i choose to interpret that she wasn’t thinking along those lines at first, but the way she clocked him as down bad for her that fast was soooo funny. the minute that first name came out it was game over. 

(i mean, maybe it could be interpreted less as jealously and more as friendly antagonism, but that wasn’t the vibe i was getting. she wanted the tea. and then cocked her gun in front of said bambi and implied she and her new scientist friend were sexy due to their smarts at the end. always watch your back because scully can and will flex in front of ur girl)

it was nice to have a silly one!!! a good old fashioned silly one. although the body horror really did jumpscare me because i was enjoying the silly and then WOAH. cockroach in the arm. i also just shivered thinking about bugs again. nasty nasty! i’m sorry bambi they are just crawly!!! i appreciate their value to science but i just watched that little critter crawl in an open wound so have some space for my discomfort!

i wonder if in the writer’s room, they allotted how many silly episodes are per season. or arc. i see people referring to “arcs” in my reblogs by specific names; you’ll have to fill me in on that measurement of episodes. because it sounds intriguing. but yeah, sometimes you need a lighter one, and it’s nice to get that. 

need a scully fancam to femininomenon….

[matoitech]

i know its easy for me to get bad faith'd bcuz my stake in it is as an i guess 'cishet passing' masc bi man who can b attracted to masc women but once ppl realize bisexual butches exist and identify as butch i think youll be a lot happier and also a lot less weird. ppl do this same thing w feminine men where ppl act like fem bi men dont exist bcuz if ur a feminine man who fucks men you cant be attracted to women youre just faking or closeted or something. very silly. just in general recognizing gnc people can be bisexual (or straight, and not in a metrosexual way or something, they just Exist, also gnc trans people exist) is probably gonna be good for you. treating gender nonconformity like its inherently fetishistic if attractive to the 'wrong' people is not the win u think it is but get well soon guys

[the-somwthing]

…

[batsplat]

i've noticed you refer to casey's 'mystery illness' and i was wondering, is that not his chronic fatigue? i wasn't following motogp back then but he's mentioned being previously misdiagnosed, so i assumed that the 'mystery illness' he suffered from in 2009 was the chronic fatigue he's since been diagnosed with.

ah, so there's a couple of reasons I use 'mystery illness' to denote it. the first is that it's not quite as straightforward as just labelling it 'chronic fatigue'. the second is that this was how the illness was referred to at the time, which I think is key for understanding how that year played out and how the entire episode was perceived. this is a sport that was horrendously ill-prepared to deal with an 'invisible' ailment that wasn't easy to diagnose, and the ambiguity and confusion are kinda central to the whole story. you've got ducati taking it upon themselves to spread inaccurate information about casey's health against his wishes, the muddled and irregular communication from his own camp, frenzied speculation in the press and from various pundits... if casey could have just clearly pointed to something, it would've made things a lot easier. but he couldn't - that's why it's a mystery illness

just to provide a basic timeline of how this went... casey started struggling around the time of mugello, but it became obvious to everyone else during catalunya. he was exhausted after the warm-up, slept for a couple of hours - and ended up fading badly in the race itself, struggling in the brutal heat that day and barely hanging onto third place. you can see it when you watch the race back (as we should all do regularly imo)... he's almost collapsing in parc fermé, gets a chair and medical attention before even making it to the podium, and he's barely upright during the podium celebrations. he just about makes it to the presser. he thought afterwards he'd recovered, maybe it was just a regular illness... but then he was struggling again during assen, depleted by the end of the race. in laguna, same story

it is at this point that ducati decide to issue a press release 'diagnosing' the problem:

except, you know. that wasn't actually casey's illness. and casey wasn't exactly thrilled with ducati's press release

so he's going through a lot of tests at this point, week after week, consulting a bunch of different experts, and they're coming up with all kinds of explanations - like, for instance, the idea that he'd been trying too hard to recover from a viral infection. but of course, this wasn't just an innocent mistake from ducati. it was part of a pattern of behaviour in them suggesting he just wasn't fit enough

now, obviously, even if this were true, it would still be blatantly unethical to spread around medical information about your rider a) without their consent, and b) that is also inaccurate

another thing to note about the donington race - this was a mixed conditions race where the ducati team were the only ones to take a gamble on wet tyres, basically... hoping it would rain enough to make it worth it. unsurprisingly, this did not go well and they were horrendously slow, they were heavily criticised for this choice, but casey explained it like this:

wishful thinking or calculated risk, this kind of thing helped make it obvious that this situation was unsustainable. in the run up to brno, reports started circulating that casey wasn't going to race. let's just check out the language that was used to describe this:

now, this may shock you to hear, but the sport of motogp in the year 2009 was not exactly at the height of sensitivity when discussing mental health issues. so a lot of the stuff you read from the time period, you kinda go 'well first of all, that wasn't actually the issue, but even if it had been the issue this would be a fucked up thing to say or even speculate about'. once this theory really started gaining traction, around the time when casey just kinda... up and disappeared from the world of motogp (without much in the way of open communication to the public)... well, that's when the discourse got increasingly ugly

there's a lot of stuff you could rattle through here, but let's just stick to a few key flashpoints. first off, this is what the beloved kevin schwantz, 1993 motogp champ and one of casey's favourite riders growing up, had to say:

as well as this:

obviously, he's entitled to his personal experiences in struggling with motivation when rainey retired - except he's using it to speculate about casey's situation, which is considerably less justifiable. and the other bits give you a feel for the common tone of the discourse at the time. the uncertainty over what casey's illness actually was, how little information anyone had to work with, the feeling that casey should just be competing - and the speculation that his problems were primarily or even solely 'in his head'. bringing up how casey wasn't fulfilling his contract, how it was a disappointment, how this might just be about resentment towards ducati...

when casey returned from the illness, he brought up schwantz pretty much unprompted in an interview:

in his autobiography, he adds the following:

Those comments really upset me and I lost a lot of respect for Kevin because of them. For him to say something like that was another example showing me that experience counts for nothing. The media often turn to former riders for an opinion, which would be a good thing if they stuck to what they know. Sadly, often their opinions are outdated and they don't know the half of it but talk endlessly as if they do. In this case, Kevin Schwantz knew nothing about my medical condition and shouldn't have commented on something he knew nothing about. For somebody who had been through a lot of tough times himself with injuries and such, you would think he might understand. It was disappointing but he wasn't the only one who had something to say. Everybody had their own opinions. A rider doesn't go from being ultra-competitive for two years and then just drop off the face of the earth because it's 'in his head'. It is absurd for anybody to even think that. If it was depression, lack of motivation or fear I would have said. People like Chaz and Leon believed in me because they'd known me for so many years and knew I wouldn't just switch off like that. But not many people stood by me through the uncertainty. Adri, Mum and Dad, Filippo, Livio, Chris Hillard, I could practically count them all on two hands. Even within my Ducati racing team, which only a year before had felt like family, there were doubters. I think a few of the guys believed me when I said something was physically wrong but others didn't. Some of the friendships I had grew stronger through all this, and some of the friendships disappeared. In a way that was a good thing. It gave me a better perspective of what racing meant to me and what people really thought of me, who I could trust.

(of course, casey did also separately have an undiagnosed anxiety disorder that even at time of writing his autobiography he didn't really understand, so some of this should be read with that context in mind. the key bit is the frustration he experienced as a result of knowing there was something physically amiss but having no answers at hand) (very much a topic for another time, but a lot of the discourse also ended up suggesting it had been valentino who had 'broken' casey and was responsible for this alleged psychological malaise. valentino didn't personally contribute to this narrative and stuck to wishing casey a swift recovery, but you also can't really leave this out when discussing either the illness or the rivalry as it was a big talking point at the time)

speaking of ducati... well, the main thing they were doing in casey's absence was attempting to hire jorge. which isn't an issue in and of itself, except they were willing to pay him a lot more than they were to casey and allegedly offering him number one status:

(the article also reports that dani was being touted as a possibility by ducati if they couldn't get jorge, or to have a direct switch between yamaha's jorge and ducati's nicky hayden, a plan which amusingly was said to have valentino's full support)

in casey's absence, the ducati/jorge thing progressed far enough that at one point it was being reported as basically a done deal. obviously, in the end it wasn't a done deal, and jorge ended up signing a one year extension with yamaha for 2010 (still hedging his bets, depending on how the situation with valentino played out) - but the damage was already done. here's how casey talks about it in his autobiography:

They'd told me when we signed a contract for 2009 and 2010 that they didn't have any more money for me, didn't have money for development but now suddenly they could afford to shell out like that for another rider? Considering what we had achieved together, I couldn't believe it. I felt I had been stabbed in the back by the people I trusted and who were supposed to trust me. I was blown away, and not in a good way.

also this charming comment from marlboro:

this all prompted retirement rumours, yamaha rumours, all kinds of rumours, and obviously in the end casey moved to honda a year later anyway. you have to say one side ended up rather better than the other from that divorce. when casey returned, he was immediately competitive, with a podium in estoril following two home races at phillip island and sepang. while the ducati's decline continued apace in 2010 and rumours continued to circulate that casey just wasn't the rider he once was, he was able to dispel them definitively with the aforementioned move to honda

one more thing though: what was the mystery illness? the problem if you just say it was misdiagnosed but was actually 'chronic fatigue' all along is in how it erases some important context. this was seen as a possibility at the time, and he had been diagnosed with chronic fatigue before, but was actually dismissed as the primary explanation for whatever reason. from casey's autobiography (published in 2013):

I had seen doctors about some tiredness back in Australia in 2006. They said I had chronic fatigue syndrome, which they put down to a combination of my diet and my busy schedule. But this time it was far more serious and it seemed that no matter what I tried to do to make myself better I only got worse. I started having more recovery drinks made up of milk and whey powder and my condition continued to deteriorate even more rapidly. I didn't suspect that what I was doing to help was causing even more problems.

and from an article from the time:

you know that last bit of the autobiography excerpt? where he mentions the recovery drinks were part of the problem? so, at the time casey believed the main problem was lactose intolerance

the thing is, a lot of more recent articles have said he was 'misdiagnosed' with lactose intolerance and I'm sure I may have used the phrase myself as a way of denoting 'there was clearly something else going on too'. but... I'm not sure that's entirely accurate? read this from his autobiography, and decide how you're convinced that it was a misdiagnosis:

Before going back to Australia for the next race at Phillip Island we decided to try lactose again, just to confirm that it definitely was the source of the problem. Within the next day or two I started losing my usual energy. In a way, this made us happy because I could finally confirm what the problem was. After that it was like a whole new world. For ten years it had seemed to me that a lot of food tasted the same and I could go a whole day without eating and not be hungry. Once I knew what the problem was and knew what to do everything started to smell and taste good. Even the amount I ate doubled! Adriana could see a huge difference almost straight away. And not just physically: 'I love cooking but any time I'd ever put anything on the table for Casey in the past, even though he was always polite, I could tell he wasn't enthusiastic about it. I was like, "I just cooked that for you!" Now he actually started to enjoy my cooking and that was one of the happiest days of my life.' For a while I didn't go near lactose at all but then we discovered Lacteeze tablets and with them I can pretty much eat anything I want. Adri makes tacos, creamy pasta sauce with vegies and traditional Slovakian dishes like svieckova, which is beef in a carrot sauce, and knedle bread. I could finally eat my favourite dessert - sticky date pudding with custard - without getting sick afterwards. I was always pretty skinny and even though I trained my backside off I never put any weight on. But now my body suddenly started filling out and I started to actually put weight on and gain some body fat, which I'd never had before.

I'm not a doctor, but I'm pretty sure that's not how the placebo effect works

and then in 2019 it's framed like this:

and also:

plus when he's talking about it in that four hour long podcast interview thing, he kinda frames it as saying he'd continuously struggled with these physical issues but they didn't cause his actual retirement. to my reading, it seems that he's had some form of chronic fatigue for a long time, plus some of his issues may have been triggered by epstein-barr virus which he got during his career - but the specific severe problems he's describing in-depth in more recent interviews concern what he's been going through after his retirement

this is obviously quite a complicated medical history, and I wouldn't say it's 100% clear what exactly he was struggling with at what point of time. how do you accurately describe that? I'm not sure just calling it 'chronic fatigue' would be accurate, right? personally, I think 'mystery illness' works as a descriptor because a) this exact phrase was widely used in reporting at the time, and generally I'm trying to accurately describe events from the pov of that time, and b) because it gives you the key bit of information - that nobody knew what it was, including casey. it's just useful shorthand, really, not much more to it

[simplyender]

the spiderverse movies depiction of new york is completely accurate (besides for the startling lack of jewish people)

[arabian-batboy]

This moment was so overdue.

[crippled-peeper]

I’m so fucking tired of hypermobile ppl acting like my spinal cord surgery and spinal fusion and discectomy and all the complications that followed including paralysis and lifelong severe chronic pain were my fault because I “chose” to go have spinal surgery instead of going to their special wecial super good chiropractor who could’ve totally fixed me if I just believed hard enough

[fleursfairies]

personally, if a celebrity said something kinda homophobic once in 2007 im not gonna hate them forever

[eddie-rifff]

lol. im gonna be ruminating about my interaction w bill bruford in the hotel for the rest of my life. he was clearly like not expecting a fan to approach him then and there but he was also trying to be cordial and normal despite me probably looking like i had just witnessed a tragic event or something. we exchanged a few words n then he was like "ya so we're heading up to manhattan now" just like making small talk and i was so intimidated and starstruck i dont even remember what i said LOL i think it was pretty normal but i wanted to ask him something (if the weird modulated voice on back to the beginning is him tho im pretty sure it is but id like confirmation) and get a pic but. i was unable to do so on account of the being absolutely petrified. anyway props to bill for trying to be normal to me when i was probably visibly trembling

[stinkypeanutbutter]

honestly I have nothing much to say about the canvas ( because I skimmed through it out of lack of interest even tho I was fixated on sbg for idk how long before you all saw DONT even lie ) but I lowkey love Ashlyn’s little dancer costume it’s very silly !!! Also kinda hoping their silly little homeless children costumes ( hopefully that’s not offensive ) come into play at one point . Like . . a school play . I’m screwing around with ideas here .