#unlearn shame

[red-light-jellyfish]

[anonzentimes]

so serious this is my favorite meme ever. it’s so funny but also encapsulates everything i try to be and everything i try to express to other people. just live your best life and take funny man jerma’s hand. as long as it isn’t hurting yourself or anyone else you can do anything.

[demonanastasi]

Dear fellow adhders:

It is okay to sleep among the pile of clothes you left on your bed because your brain was done with putting away laundry after you put away everything leading up to that.

The dirty dishes surrounding and resting in the sink are well to be there. You needn't wash any of them until you need a specific dish, at which only wash what you need to use immediately. Or, simply eat off a paper towel or wax paper or drink straight from the container in the fridge. If dishes are developing mold, let them be; they can be cleaned when you are mentally ready to clean them.

If there is an unpleasant smell and you can't clean to attend to it, use a good-smelly to ease your mind, and clean when you are ready (good-smellies i.e. lighting candles or incense to make the room smell nice, spraying fragrances on your clothing or comfort plushies so you are not traipsing or cuddling perturbed).

Caffeine is your friend, and utilize sugar for dopamine.

If autism is comorbid, engage in your special interests liberally to be infused with the joy and energy that dopamine you get from it brings regularly. Playlists of special interest songs/songs pertaining to/reminding you of your special interests are a passive boon that boosts spirits and energy. Place illustrations/pictures/etc. reminders of your special interests around your home so when your distractible mind ganders, you get a boost of dopamine.

Above all other things in life, focus on dopamine maintenance. Our brains have a natural deficiency in dopamine generation compared to neurotypical brains, so we must meet their baseline first before doing the things they do without issue. Truly, dopamine is the key. Getting that need met allows all the rest to fall into place -- not in a neurotypical way, but in an adhd (/audhd) way. Our lives won't be the same as neurotypical lives. Why should we compare our lives to theirs? Why should we feel externally-imposed shame for how we lead our lives? We shouldn't. We should never.

Point of this post is, shame has no place in adhd lives. We can carry out our existences in peace in our messy surroundings. Dishes remaining by the sink, with some washed and others not. Unswept floors, cat hair accumulating in corners. Laundry increasing in height in the basket. Stepping over a paper that is to be thrown away only when we are ready. A zen life in an abode neurotypicals would judge negatively and make demands of.

Our homes are not to be demanded of, realms of peace they are.

Sincerely, an audhd man who is making it on his own and leading a relatively peaceful and stable life, thanks to honoring his brain's natural ways and orchestrating his life within that innate framework rather than one alien constructed and placed before him. Shedding the judgments cast down by others in his past. It's a work in progress, unlearning the forced shame that causes us to feel distressed and useless (when we are not!) but I am close.

Don't try to lead a neurotypical life. Lead a YOU life.

We must all relearn peace for ourselves.

Attain peace, and freedom from neurotypical judgment, and pursue the dopamine like your life depends on it.

Because our lives do 💚✨

[passionfruitmango]

Speaking of generational trauma

HOW THE FUCK DO YOU UNLEARN SHAME

[crippling-pages]

As someone who can draw something good for my life... lemme take that hand.

"I cant draw" then do it bad who gives a fuck.....

[doccywhomst]

[pinbones]

There are adults who have experienced a constant pressure of shame and regret since they were small, some of whom are not particularly good people 'despite' that. Shame is one of the heaviest weights you can carry. It never lends a helping hand during difficult decisions, makes you unhappy, and can stop you having a clear enough head do the right thing.

Shame is also the #1 teaching tool of parents who won't hit their kids but still feel entitled to punishing them.

[my-queer-fantasy]

i am cursing whoever taught transfemmes to be ashamed of their noises and made them feel like they should hold back their desperate moans and whimpers

how dare they deprive me of the prettiest and sweetest sounds on the planet

[rainsofhope]

It's so relatable and I'm and we all are damned to relate to it, because the more we shrink in the real world, the deeper the yearnings grow and desires deep root and the enormity of these swallows us while we are trying to ignore it and not point fingers at it. Calling it 'it' itself seems to be unfair because why should we minimize it afterall, it's within our brains that we don't even want to acknowledge. It's the pink elephant in the room. it is there. It is big. It beats louder in our ears when we are awake at 4:50 am. The anxieties of fear of being too much, fear of being a bother, fear of not living into any of the desires, guilt of not trying, anger of not being allowed to live into them, the multitudes of disappointment at the alarm clock that will go off in three hours, bank balance and CDs we can't throw away or listen to, and we could name 23 more things of yearning or desire for every English alphabets following ABC... All of that, comes and goes. even the moontides have a schedule to follow but not our desires. It swallows us like the sky gobbling up the moon on newmoon night. The enormity of our desires. If it doesn't swallow up us, we puke. it anxiety. It's disgusting. It's life. Unlived and the remains.

is anyone else disgusted by the enormity of their desire or is it just me & richard siken

[wtfforged]

i refuse to draw him in a normal length shirt. you cant make me

[wolfram-but-art]

thank you for the motivational words mr construction man guy...... you keep me sane

i like him a normal amount (lying)

[anotherpapercut]

have scientists figured out how to make shorts for people with massive thighs that won't ride all the way up inside of you while you walk yet

[anonzentimes]

hi zen!! o/

i am coming into ur inbox purely to tell you thank you for making an effort to become more active about your interests despite being scared bc it kinda helped push me to do the same thing? and i’ve been doing it for the past few months and OHH my god it’s so scary but also i’m having crazy levels of fun and i probably would not be nearly as far along with it as i am bc i’ve seen you do the same thing. it’s really cool to me !! um so i’m Being Brave and sending you a little appreciation ask off anon bc it is 2 in the morning so i do not have the energy to be scared !!! and also i think it’s really really good to celebrate being authentic in our interests and such :3 so thank you <33

to include something on-theme with the blog um um i !!! am also a big nagito komaeda fan !! he’s my favorite little guy !! hajime too but in an “ough he’s just like me fr” way. i enjoy komaeda so much that i’m going to be playing him in my next dnd campaign and nobody knows it’s him except for my DM who is complicit in keeping it a secret from my party members >:] i want them to realize at some point mid-campaign i think it’d be really funny. also that same DM has made an npc who is secretly just izuru kamukura and i’m gonna get to have a romance arc!!! and i’m very excited about it :] MORAL OF THE STORY share your interests with your friends bc they’ll happily enable you lmao <3

ok that is all. have a nice day or night or afternoon \(//∇//)\

HELLO???? YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW HEARTWARMING THIS IS AHHHHAHA <33 I'm so touched by the fact I can make a positive impact I'm really happy to hear it. I think unlearning shame or just becoming less anxious with even small things like interests is one of the best things you can experience in life, or at least it has been for me. It's really relieving and being able to just simply enjoy things is an entire major reason to live for me. It's sort of funny I never really expected or intended on having audiences, other than Youtube because well yeah, but I get attention for being authentic and unapologetically myself which apparently I've been told is contagious LOL. It's just kind of how I am and to know people can be positively impacted by that is really nice. I've always been like this but now I have the words to express myself and the mentality to not feel much shame or anxiety over it, again, it's incredibly relieving. Anyways, mostly just being sentimental and saying thank you for sending a little appreciation thing haha! I have trouble understanding I can have an impact sometimes, it's definitely a snap back to reality when something undeniable confirming my presence happens Lol.

HELP IT'S REALLY FUNNY TO ME THAT I SOMEHOW ENDED UP JUST MAKING THIS THE NAGITO BLOG.... IT WASN'T EVEN PLANNED I JUST CAN'T CONTAIN MY THOUGHTS... but I mean, guess that just goes to show how much he IS my thoughts lol. Anyways, totally agree Hajime's definitely a "oh he's so me fr fr" type of character and GOD. GOD I WOULD DO THAT IF I PLAYED DND TOO HONESTLY.... LMAOO THE IDEA OF GETTING STARTLED BY NAGITO IS SO FUNNY... a Romance Arc sounds really cute too!! I hope you have fun with it, sounds like a great experience! Sharing interests with friends is wonderful, and overall I think if loved ones don't enable your interests that's like a red flag to me a bit.

[eggwishing]

yuuup

[itwouldeatyoualive]

talked abt this before but gen impressed w how well alex hirsch was able to translate the realities of an abusive relationship even in such a fantastical setting. even the tattoo- abusive partners forcing or coercing their victim to get a tattoo that links them to the abuser is actually a very common tactic. just nice to see an author acknowledge and write a realistic depiction of abuse and to see the victim heal from it w a strong support group

[cyanityy]

Bully sketch dump 3 + crops

I'm flying out so since I can't take my tablet with me I'm releasing all my captive sketches into the wild *magic hand gesturing*

(Thanks to @/bidisaster-peanut-romano for instigating Tad & Parker besties hc with me. I sob every time)