#unlearn shame

[red-light-jellyfish]

[anonzentimes]

so serious this is my favorite meme ever. it’s so funny but also encapsulates everything i try to be and everything i try to express to other people. just live your best life and take funny man jerma’s hand. as long as it isn’t hurting yourself or anyone else you can do anything.

[demonanastasi]

Dear fellow adhders:

It is okay to sleep among the pile of clothes you left on your bed because your brain was done with putting away laundry after you put away everything leading up to that.

The dirty dishes surrounding and resting in the sink are well to be there. You needn't wash any of them until you need a specific dish, at which only wash what you need to use immediately. Or, simply eat off a paper towel or wax paper or drink straight from the container in the fridge. If dishes are developing mold, let them be; they can be cleaned when you are mentally ready to clean them.

If there is an unpleasant smell and you can't clean to attend to it, use a good-smelly to ease your mind, and clean when you are ready (good-smellies i.e. lighting candles or incense to make the room smell nice, spraying fragrances on your clothing or comfort plushies so you are not traipsing or cuddling perturbed).

Caffeine is your friend, and utilize sugar for dopamine.

If autism is comorbid, engage in your special interests liberally to be infused with the joy and energy that dopamine you get from it brings regularly. Playlists of special interest songs/songs pertaining to/reminding you of your special interests are a passive boon that boosts spirits and energy. Place illustrations/pictures/etc. reminders of your special interests around your home so when your distractible mind ganders, you get a boost of dopamine.

Above all other things in life, focus on dopamine maintenance. Our brains have a natural deficiency in dopamine generation compared to neurotypical brains, so we must meet their baseline first before doing the things they do without issue. Truly, dopamine is the key. Getting that need met allows all the rest to fall into place -- not in a neurotypical way, but in an adhd (/audhd) way. Our lives won't be the same as neurotypical lives. Why should we compare our lives to theirs? Why should we feel externally-imposed shame for how we lead our lives? We shouldn't. We should never.

Point of this post is, shame has no place in adhd lives. We can carry out our existences in peace in our messy surroundings. Dishes remaining by the sink, with some washed and others not. Unswept floors, cat hair accumulating in corners. Laundry increasing in height in the basket. Stepping over a paper that is to be thrown away only when we are ready. A zen life in an abode neurotypicals would judge negatively and make demands of.

Our homes are not to be demanded of, realms of peace they are.

Sincerely, an audhd man who is making it on his own and leading a relatively peaceful and stable life, thanks to honoring his brain's natural ways and orchestrating his life within that innate framework rather than one alien constructed and placed before him. Shedding the judgments cast down by others in his past. It's a work in progress, unlearning the forced shame that causes us to feel distressed and useless (when we are not!) but I am close.

Don't try to lead a neurotypical life. Lead a YOU life.

We must all relearn peace for ourselves.

Attain peace, and freedom from neurotypical judgment, and pursue the dopamine like your life depends on it.

Because our lives do 💚✨

[passionfruitmango]

Speaking of generational trauma

HOW THE FUCK DO YOU UNLEARN SHAME

[crippling-pages]

As someone who can draw something good for my life... lemme take that hand.

"I cant draw" then do it bad who gives a fuck.....

[cherryflavoredcoke]

Everything will always work out in the end, or even along the way when you start appreciating your existence and accepting your short coming. Everything always works out if you truly believe in yourself and your life.

[doccywhomst]

[pinbones]

There are adults who have experienced a constant pressure of shame and regret since they were small, some of whom are not particularly good people 'despite' that. Shame is one of the heaviest weights you can carry. It never lends a helping hand during difficult decisions, makes you unhappy, and can stop you having a clear enough head do the right thing.

Shame is also the #1 teaching tool of parents who won't hit their kids but still feel entitled to punishing them.

[xleethegreat]

machine wtf

[eemiejab]

dark blew up the oven the first time they tried to use it... now they do this like once every month

[anonzentimes]

hi zen!! o/

i am coming into ur inbox purely to tell you thank you for making an effort to become more active about your interests despite being scared bc it kinda helped push me to do the same thing? and i’ve been doing it for the past few months and OHH my god it’s so scary but also i’m having crazy levels of fun and i probably would not be nearly as far along with it as i am bc i’ve seen you do the same thing. it’s really cool to me !! um so i’m Being Brave and sending you a little appreciation ask off anon bc it is 2 in the morning so i do not have the energy to be scared !!! and also i think it’s really really good to celebrate being authentic in our interests and such :3 so thank you <33

to include something on-theme with the blog um um i !!! am also a big nagito komaeda fan !! he’s my favorite little guy !! hajime too but in an “ough he’s just like me fr” way. i enjoy komaeda so much that i’m going to be playing him in my next dnd campaign and nobody knows it’s him except for my DM who is complicit in keeping it a secret from my party members >:] i want them to realize at some point mid-campaign i think it’d be really funny. also that same DM has made an npc who is secretly just izuru kamukura and i’m gonna get to have a romance arc!!! and i’m very excited about it :] MORAL OF THE STORY share your interests with your friends bc they’ll happily enable you lmao <3

ok that is all. have a nice day or night or afternoon \(//∇//)\

HELLO???? YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW HEARTWARMING THIS IS AHHHHAHA <33 I'm so touched by the fact I can make a positive impact I'm really happy to hear it. I think unlearning shame or just becoming less anxious with even small things like interests is one of the best things you can experience in life, or at least it has been for me. It's really relieving and being able to just simply enjoy things is an entire major reason to live for me. It's sort of funny I never really expected or intended on having audiences, other than Youtube because well yeah, but I get attention for being authentic and unapologetically myself which apparently I've been told is contagious LOL. It's just kind of how I am and to know people can be positively impacted by that is really nice. I've always been like this but now I have the words to express myself and the mentality to not feel much shame or anxiety over it, again, it's incredibly relieving. Anyways, mostly just being sentimental and saying thank you for sending a little appreciation thing haha! I have trouble understanding I can have an impact sometimes, it's definitely a snap back to reality when something undeniable confirming my presence happens Lol.

HELP IT'S REALLY FUNNY TO ME THAT I SOMEHOW ENDED UP JUST MAKING THIS THE NAGITO BLOG.... IT WASN'T EVEN PLANNED I JUST CAN'T CONTAIN MY THOUGHTS... but I mean, guess that just goes to show how much he IS my thoughts lol. Anyways, totally agree Hajime's definitely a "oh he's so me fr fr" type of character and GOD. GOD I WOULD DO THAT IF I PLAYED DND TOO HONESTLY.... LMAOO THE IDEA OF GETTING STARTLED BY NAGITO IS SO FUNNY... a Romance Arc sounds really cute too!! I hope you have fun with it, sounds like a great experience! Sharing interests with friends is wonderful, and overall I think if loved ones don't enable your interests that's like a red flag to me a bit.

[madaqueue]

people who want to fuck blond men are truly the bravest soldiers

[wtfforged]

i refuse to draw him in a normal length shirt. you cant make me

[my-queer-fantasy]

i am cursing whoever taught transfemmes to be ashamed of their noises and made them feel like they should hold back their desperate moans and whimpers

how dare they deprive me of the prettiest and sweetest sounds on the planet

[wolfram-but-art]

thank you for the motivational words mr construction man guy...... you keep me sane

i like him a normal amount (lying)

[basket-of-epiphanies]

i know that people have already discussed this at length but i'm watching the patreon behind the scenes character discussion for frost and listening to derek talk about the psionic order and "mind over matter" and all that and then comparing that to frost throwing his pack in ep 46 has me feeling like the exploding galaxy brain meme. like. he has this canonically 110 pound bag or whatever and yeah that's kind of a meme bc he just picks shit up and Never uses it but that's also So interesting in the context of how he was raised to Not value physical items and give no credence to "things" but rather to ideas, thoughts, mentalities. Frost was taught to hold this value his entire life yet carries a 110 pound bag around with him everywhere. And in that same vein, the order taught him that physical relationships are also supposed to be unimportant, and having people tie him down will only block him from reaching his true potential. yet he's traveled with years with these three friends and when he's "replaced" by someone else for just a few hours on guys' night he feels sensitive and self conscious. and in the carnival horror ride we see that his worst fear is being alone. Everything about his life contradicts everything he was taught is supposed to hold dear, (and side not, i think one of the most interesting parts about this video is the discussion of whether or not frost is Aware of what he's doing, Aware that he's directly going against the pillars of his order, but that's a discussion for another time). And all of this culminates in episode 46, when frost stands alone, all of his friends dead or dying around him, and his throws his pack. on some level i already understood what this meant for him, the getting rid of everything he was saving because it doesn't matter anymore, but after approaching it more from the side of these tenants of his faith, it's like. holy shit. he just lost all his friends, this physical attachments that "tie him down," and now he's willingly giving up all his physical belongings as well, and this is it, that's the moment he reaches that pure mind over matter because he doesn't have anything anymore. there is nothing tying him down. this should be nirvana. but instead, it's the worst moment of his fucking life. everything that was supposed to bring him paradise and freedom and immortality and whatnot has only brought him unimaginable pain and grief.