#unfortunately. yes.
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What actually was Itachi's desease? Does anyone know?
I AM GETTING ITACHI ASKS! FINALLY!!! Though I imagine my answer might be disappointing :')
Itachi's Mysterious Illness
Length: • 3.2K Content: • Itachi's Illness as a Writing Tool • Itachi's Symptoms • Popular Diagnoses • Exploring Alternative Causes • My Thoughts and Theories
DISCLAIMER: I have no medical background and, for the most part, am relaying the findings of others, not my own. Some of the panels are out of order. Blue links are sources. The art in the header is mine.
Itachi's Illness as a Writing Tool
Itachi's illness is very much a mystery in canon. A side-note. Itachi doesn't make enough appearances in the story for us to get an elaborate picture of his health. While there are popular theories, the fact of the matter is, we just don't know for sure what he was suffering from.
Due to Itachi's illness not playing a larger role in the story, it is unlikely Kishimoto actually researched any particular disease to reference. He resorted to a fairly common trope called the "Incurable Cough of Death" which is known for taking inspiration from Tuberculosis and its bloody coughs. The author doesn't specify any illness. It is merely a plot device to push a storyline.
As a narrative device, you might even consider Itachi's illness as a metaphor. While dying young was a deliberate choice on Itachi's part, his illness further solidifies his decision, leaving him with no way back. It mirrors Itachi's lack of agency in life. And, of course, it also makes Itachi's suffering palpable and highlights it for the audience. Itachi is in agony, yet chooses to suffer for Sasuke's sake rather than taking the easy way out.
Of course, while Itachi's illness is an unspecified, plot- and/or narrative-device disease, that doesn't necessarily have to stop us from trying to find a real-world equivalent or an in-universe explanation. But to do so, we must describe his physical condition first.
Itachi's Symptoms
While hemoptysis is probably the trademark of Itachi's illness as portrayed in fandom, it can be argued he was experiencing a wider range of symptoms. None of these necessarily have to be the result of Itachi's illness but since they often come up in discussions, I will mention them anyway for the sake of completion.
Low BMI
To begin with, Itachi's body is in a fairly weak condition. For example, Itachi's BMI stands fairly low at 18.3 at the time of his death, which is considered to be slightly underweight. It is a slight drop from his 18.6 at 18 years old.
While BMI is not a professional way of measuring a person's health, it does bring things into perspective. Considering that Itachi is a physically active person, he probably had a low fat-to-muscle ratio. Combine that with his low BMI and we can fairly assume that Itachi had weight problems, assuming Kishimoto and/or his assistants put that much thought into those numbers.
Low Stamina According to Databooks
Itachi's stats in the Databooks also indicate somewhat of a physical weakness. While Itachi ties with Jiraiya in having the highest stat total in Sha no Sho (35.5 points), he has noticeably low stamina at a value of just 2.5 points. It is not a major deficit, but it is definitely odd, especially when putting things into perspective.
In the Databooks, characters with high stat totals usually have stat deficits at 3 or 3.5 points, not at 2.5. Stat deficits of 2.5 occur at slightly lower stat totals, like Might Guy who reaches a stat total of 31.5 and a hand seal deficit of 2.5.
Additionally, characters with stamina deficits are usually associated with physical ailments. Orochimaru is basically suffering from necrosis, Hiruzen is 70 (his old age likely impacting his physical prowess), and Kakashi basically goes unconscious every time he uses the Sharingan as early on as chapter 16 of Naruto (indicating low chakra reserves).
Again, we better hope those numbers were intentional or this doesn't mean anything.
Noticeable Frailty
But now, let's take a look at the manga to search for evidence. What other fans before me have already pointed out is that Itachi's interactions with Kisame are fairly curious.
In a seemingly random scene, Kisame worries about the weather, claiming both he and Itachi will catch a cold if they stay out in the rain for too long. It is a somewhat strange suggestion, considering that this is coming from a shark man who primarily uses water ninjutsu in his battle tactics. You'd think he isn't bothered by some rain or chill if he is already getting wet this often.
Not that this applies to his partner, however.
In chapter #364 we get a repeat of this scene in which Kisame expresses worry only for Itachi rather than for the both of them. Kisame is made out to be explicitly caring toward Itachi and sensitive to his health and needs. But looking back at chapter #353, he refrains from hurting Itachi's pride by stating it out in the open.
This recontextualizes the scene from a few chapters earlier as this pattern in Kisame's behavior is actually consistent with the rest of chapter #353.
Kisame mentions that Itachi was absent from his most recent battle against Roshi. For unknown reasons, this causes Itachi's expression to turn somber or melancholic (though it could be argued he is smirking ever so slightly). Perhaps Itachi was reminded of his physical decline. Perhaps he regrets missing out on this last mission with Kisame.
Either way, Kisame picks up on Itachi's mood and quickly clarifies that this solo battle was the former Kiri-nin's idea and not at all Itachi's fault. While we cannot say for sure, the possibility that Kisame insisted on going without Itachi specifically to spare the Uchiha from putting unnecessary strain on his body is definitely there.
Kisame goes on to say he is tired, yet the first person to sit down in search of a break is Itachi - The same guy who didn't even fight Roshi and, at least technically, should be in better health than Kisame.
Kisame's worry for Itachi's health supports the idea that Itachi has been struggling for a while now - long enough for Kisame to pick up on Itachi's condition. He watches out for any strain or health risks that Itachi might unwittingly subject his body to, implying certain frailty that could be explained by a weak immune system and/or a weak and easily fatigued body.
During the Battle (Hemoptysis, Vision Loss, Heart Attack)
Besides this, Zetsu comments on Itachi's condition multiple times - both during and after the brothers' battle. He mentions that Itachi's movements were sloppy and wonders why he was coughing up blood. He hypothesizes that Itachi's body may have already been pre-damaged at that point.
Guessing by Zetsu's reaction, this must have been a recent decrease in Itachi's battle performance rather than a long-established issue. Combining this with Kisame's behavior (that instead implies a longer history) Itachi's condition has likely been bad for a longer time but never impacted him this severely until now. The illness may have just worsened naturally, but Itachi could've also stopped medicating or caught an additional infection.
During the actual battle, we see Itachi struggling with several more symptoms. He suffers from vision loss as well as from hemoptysis (bloody coughing) and what appears to be a heart attack or otherwise intense chest pain.
After the end of the battle, White Zetsu also theorizes that Itachi's symptoms may have simply been caused by the Sharingan, only for Black Zetsu to voice his uncertainty. An odd reaction, considering that Zetsu is one of the few characters that should be fairly knowledgeable about the Sharingan and its drawbacks. This implies that Itachi's symptoms are atypical of your usual Sharingan overuse.
Medication
Obito later explains that Itachi's illness was terminal and demanded regular medication to prolong the patient's lifespan. Obito unfortunately does not comment on the origins of Itachi's illness or any of his symptoms, though.
While not necessarily canon, in "Naruto Jinraiden: The Day the Wolf Howled", Itachi uses a drug called "Kotaro", which uses hallucinogenic substances. It is applied via the eyes and also helps with irritation of the Mangekyo Sharingan.
Popular Diagnoses
Once again, Itachi's symptoms are rather vague, befitting the Cough of Death trope. But some people have still managed to find likely candidates for real-world equivalents.
One such candidate is obviously Tuberculosis. It matches some of Itachi's symptoms, such as his coughing up blood, chest pain, weight loss, and tiredness. Another Tumblr user pointed out, however, that Tuberculosis is highly infectious. Had Itachi contracted the disease, other Akatsuki members would've fallen ill as well, not to mention Sasuke who came into contact with Itachi's blood and was supposed to inherit his eyes. This would've been beyond careless of Itachi. Any infectious, terminal diseases can therefore be safely ruled out.
The same user argued that Itachi may have had Lupus or ITP, both of which are immunological and therefore better suited for Itachi's diagnosis. It should be noted, however, that Itachi does not express many symptoms associated with Lupus, such as joint swelling, rashes, and skin lesions, and ITP is not particularly known (if at all) for hemoptysis.
The most popular theory is probably that Itachi had MPA. It is known for bloody coughs, cardiac failure, fatigue, weight loss, and in rare cases it may damage the eyes. But there are also people who disagree with the MPA theory, mostly due to his young age (which is atypical for MPA patients), but also because MPA causes diffuse alveolar hemorrhage, which the original poster deems more severe than just hemoptysis. While Itachi's symptoms match MPA somewhat, it might not be a perfect match.
But Itachi could have also died of lung cancer, Sarcoidosis, AIDS, SLD, Viral Perimyocarditis, Pneumonia, Paragonomiasis, Lymphoma, or something entirely different, due to the vagueness of his symptoms. But since we are talking about a fictional universe, it could also be a fictional disease or even a disease that attacks fictional parts of ninjas' anatomy (such as Tenketsu, Chakra Pathways, etc.).
And while I do like the idea of Itachi just being hated by life itself (vocaloid reference, haha) and developing a terminal condition on top of all his other sufferings, I could also see it being a manifestation of his guilt and trauma rather than just simply being an unrelated burden the universe put on him. Heartbreak Syndrome, basically.
Exploring Alternative Causes
Another way to explain Itachi's symptoms is by finding alternative causes. Believe it or not, but it is not 100% certain that Itachi had a disease in the traditional sense at all.
Obito Is a Liar
One of the reasons why is that Obito, unfortunately, is a liar. Especially in his conversation with Sasuke, his goal is to make Itachi as sympathetic to Sasuke as possible and demonize Konoha. Both are in an attempt to win over Sasuke's loyalty and Obito is not at all afraid of lying to Sasuke.
This is hinted at in the Databooks but also becomes evident in certain instances where Obito's exposition simply proves wrong - most notably the cause behind the Ninetails Attack. Obito's words directly clash with Itachi's and later Kushina's flashbacks.
Not to mention, Black Zetsu appears noticeably confused about Itachi's condition, leaving us to question how Obito acquired this much information on Itachi in the first place, if not through the Akatsuki's spy. Is Obito really this knowledgeable about Itachi? Would Itachi's condition really have been terminal? Did Itachi have his condition treated with medicine? Or is it all just a shot in the dark on Obito's part?
Long story short, we cannot trust Obito's word when making any claims about canon.
But now, let's find the promised alternative explanations.
Itachi's BMI Is a Lifestyle
To begin with, most of the Akatsuki members actually have low BMIs. Obviously, Nagato is severely underweight, but even characters like Sasori and Hidan score quite low. The average among the Akatsuki appears to be at 17.8 (or 18.2 if we exclude outliers like Nagato, Konan, and Kisame). This might reflect the Akatsukis' precarious living conditions or just the standard Ninja physique, rather than indicating any specific ailments among the Akatsuki members.
Of course, Kisame still manages to somehow reach a healthy BMI, but this might be the result of their respective diets rather than Itachi just magically losing weight. While Itachi dislikes steak (which has high calories and protein) he eats less nutritious foods like onigiri with seaweed, dango, and cabbage. Meanwhile, Kisame loves shrimp and crab (which are high in protein). And beyond that, Itachi could be suffering from mental illness instead, impacting his eating habits.
It should also be noted that low BMIs (as well as stress and trauma) can weaken the body's immune system and impair its ability to fight off common infections.
No Training, No Stamina
As previously mentioned, while Itachi's low stamina is highly unusual among characters of comparable caliber, it is just a small difference of 0.5 points. It might merely be the result of his fighting style which relies primarily on genjutsu or quick and painless assassinations rather than physically taxing maneuvers. This would be similar to Might Guy, who has a 2.5 deficit in hand seals due to a lack of practice.
But this explanation still begins to sound less sufficient when we look back at the manga itself. Itachi's interactions with Kisame in chapters #353 and #364 imply a certain frailty beyond just a simple lack of practice. But this is where Itachi's Sharingan becomes relevant.
Mangekyo and Susano'o Side Effects
Many fans underestimate the damage a Mangekyo Sharingan can inflict on its user. Most notably, the Mangekyo causes the user's eye to bleed and become irritated. Their eyesight deteriorates with repeated use until full blindness. (refer back to chapter #386). Those are not symptoms specific to Itachi at all and can therefore not exactly be traced back to any disease.
Additionally, the Mangekyo does not just affect the user's eyes. In the case of Susano'o specifically, it is stated to be hard on the user's body. Sasuke describes it as an unbearable pain affecting every cell in his body. And to top it off, it causes hemoptysis for Sasuke as well each time the Susano'o is in use.
It appears as though hemoptysis is not at all exclusive to Itachi but a Susano'o-specific symptom. It doesn't change that Zetsu remains puzzled about Itachi's bloody cough, so we have to assume Zetsu might just not be as much of an expert as previously assumed.
Assuming Itachi had already used the Susano'o at a point in time prior to his battle with Sasuke, it is possible that this jutsu has damaged Itachi's cells.
Since we know that the body's cells are partially responsible for chakra production, cell damage should logically impact a ninja's ability to produce chakra. Assuming Susano'o-conducted damage is at all permanent and that Itachi has ever used it prior to his battle with Sasuke, this may have caused an irreversible chakra shortage for Itachi.
Sharingan Side Effects and Chakra Depletion
In general, besides the Susano'o, the Mangekyo is known for wearing out its users. Not just Kakashi, who famously ends up in the hospital each time he uses it, but Itachi too requires long rests after using the Mangekyo. Notably, Kisame describes using the Mangekyo as "dangerous".
Even the standard Sharingan can deplete the user's chakra to the point of being immobilized. As we can see in early Naruto chapters, the Sharingan can put Kakashi out of commission for a weak (refer to chapter #16). It appears as though chakra exhaustion causes muscle weakness (inability to move) and fatigue.
While not as extreme, this would explain Itachi's fatigue in his interaction with Kisame in chapter #353. In this chapter, we can see that Itachi's Sharingan has remained active for an unknown period of time and likely robbed Itachi of a portion of his chakra. If this is something he did regularly, it might also explain Kisame's concern for Itachi.
If we think about this one further, it could be argued that the heart, due to being a muscle, can fail in the case of excessive chakra exhaustion.
My Thoughts and Theories
Itachi's vision loss and hemoptysis can clearly be attributed to his excessive Mangekyo and Susano'o use, as far as I am concerned. And right now, all of Itachi's symptoms can be logically explained without adding an unknown disease into the mix.
Although Zetsu still remains an unreliable source in this instance (due to not knowing that hemoptysis is a common symptom induced in response to using Susano'o) it should be noted that unlike with Itachi, this does not result in a lethal outcome for Sasuke who, as opposed to Itachi, uses his Susano'o constantly. When hypothesizing that Itachi's body may have been damaged from the beginning, he probably wasn't far off. This is also what Itachi's interactions with Kisame seem to imply.
While Itachi's Mangekyo use and chakra exhaustion probably put the final nail in his coffin, it stands to reason that his body was prestressed by yet another condition that shrunk down his chakra reserves and left him, in Kisame's eyes, "frail". It's comparable to how many diseases such as AIDS, Diabetes, autoimmune diseases, or other conditions don't kill you on their own but instead lay the groundwork for a truly lethal illness.
But even then, this pre-sustained damage has logical explanations as well. His low fat could be the result of his lifestyle. His low stamina and chakra may be the result of repeated Sharingan/Susano'o use or a lack of practice. His heart attack may have been the result of ordinary chakra exhaustion. His immune system may have been weakened due to his low weight (but then again, he is not significantly underweight), stress, and/or trauma, resulting in the contraction of a regular infection as Itachi stood in the rain without protection. This explains his seemingly "sudden" decrease in battle performance.
Conversely, it is not unreasonable to assume Itachi indeed had an incurable condition - unrelated to Sharingan's drawbacks. While Obito and Zetsu are not at all reliable sources, they do push the "Itachi was ill" narrative rather hard and the story never cares enough to dispel their claims.
Beyond that, Itachi's symptoms can be viewed as a causality dilemma. What was first? The chicken or the egg? The immune system or the illness? While low weight, stress, and/or trauma can result in frequent infections, so can a major infection lead to increased stress or low weight. While blaming Itachi's poor condition on his lifestyle is a valid interpretation, it is not at all confirmed.
Narratively, it makes a lot of sense to burden Itachi with a painful, incurable disease. Aside from externalizing Itachi's suffering to the outside, where the audience can see it, it manages to evoke stronger sympathy from the reader, mixing in a sense of unfairness and tragedy.
But alas, this is not sufficient evidence, and instead, we could also view Itachi's damaged condition as a metaphor for how very often, life does not leave Itachi with any options other than harming himself. Due to his growing blindness, he is forced to use his Sharingan more frequently. Due to his status as Nukenin, he cannot take care of himself as diligently. And then those minor inconveniences spiral out of control, piling ailment after ailment on him.
Unfortunately, none of this leaves us with a definitive answer. Perhaps Itachi did have a terminal illness. Perhaps he did not. The story seems intentionally ambiguous.
#will i proceed to ignore my own analysis and headcanon itachi to have had lung cancer or another disease that causes hemoptysis?#unfortunately. yes.#you can tear this beautiful piece of angst from my cold dead hands#I like Itachi being terminally ill#that just makes him so much more in need of hugs#why does this essay have an inventory and a header image?#simple. it's because itachi is my fav and therefore deserves special treatment#and also i am still having illusions about creating an itachi master post in the future so i need everything structured and tidy for that#itachi#itachi uchiha#itachi's illness#itachi theory#naruto theory#naruto analysis#naruto discussion#naruto art#naruto#incurable cough of death#anon#ask#anon ask#naruto ask
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"Don't just throw ripped jeans away, you can repair them using these 10 cute Visible Mending techniques!!" unfortunately my friend the first point of failure for every single pair of jeans i have owned in my life has been the Crotch and Ass. Knees: fine, cuffs: fine; but 3 years in, and all that stands between the world and my astronaut-patterned taint is 0.5µm of denim worn so thin that every squat threatens to tear it to shreds like wet toilet paper. If the Tiktok craft community could figure out a way to resurrect jeans afflicted in such a way that doesn't involve adding a whole ass buttpatch like some sort of inverse assless chaps situation then that'd be great
#and yes i have indeed experimented with trying to add invisible patches on the INSIDE of the jean but unfortunately#trying to sew anything to the non-euclidean hellscape that is the crotch area of a pair of pants#inevitably ends up 1. (hand-sewing) puckered as hell or 2. (machine sewing) w me accidentally sewing a leg hole closed 😔
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what the actual fuck
#speaking!#update: added alt text#and yes this is real. unfortunately(?)#update update: if you can't rb this it's nothing personal#you just post x r/eader lmao#hall of fame
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Reblog for bigger sample size!
#childrens movies#scary kids movies#yes... ha ha ha... yes!#if only i was this enthusiastic in making and recording surveys for my research...#tumblr polls#polls#coraline#series of unfortunate events#the witches#all dogs go to heaven#the spiderwick chronicles#willy wonka & the chocolate factory#nightmare before christmas#spirited away#beetlejuice
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Trapped in a vicious cycle of pining? Try gay sex! (More things to learn over at Tiger Tiger!)
#tiger tiger#jamis arlesi#remy bonnaire#Arno#through a series of unfortunate events I will be posting this after the update will be out so my timing will be more so:#“Alternate take on how that scene played out” Rather than my funnier “My prediction for how it will go down”#I truly think Remy would rather admit to crimes he didn't commit than confess he has a thing for men.#It would be funny! It would be so funny if this is how Jamis found out. Alas...Not yet...Not yet...#I do love the idea that Jamis completely overlooked the all the elder god horror to get right down to the question of 'HOW DO YOU KNOW HIM'#Remy knows him. Knows him carnally. Wouldn't you like to also know your captain better? In spirit and body and mind?#Jealousy looks good on Jamis. Now he just has to do something about it.#Poor Remy though...He love Jamis so much he'd do anything to prevent losing him.#Which entails never giving Jamis a chance of rejecting or accepting his feelings!#Meanwhile...Jamis is a bisexual disaster man who is at his *limit*.#(For the MDZS fans looking at this Tigers comic who still have no context:#This is like Lan Xichen finding out Jin Guangyao hooked up with Nie Mingjue after LXC spent all that time thinking JGY was straight.#Better yet. This is like WWX just starting to realize his crush on LWJ and then finding out he and JC hooked up in the time skip.#'Nice to know you're into men but why did I have to find out like this' moment.)#((Yes I am trying to bridge the gap between the fandoms I am in. Yes I am still on my propaganda train. Choo Choo!!!))
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wait hold on. before i forget.
i had this dream abt sesame street doing a collab with some company that made sleep accessories and beds, and the Bert and Ernie one was this twin bed perfectly separated in the middle with one side themed after each of them.
for the commercial it showed them sleeping in it, but they were lying like this;
#it was the only dream i remembered from that night. it was so cute#sesame street#bert and ernie#unfortunately i think the thing that triggered that dream was me seeing that -yeah we nutting this month- post#since it has ernie in it.#yes their arms are positioned weird but it was like that in the dream. theyre muppets. no bones.#tedpost#tedart#tedreams
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Zelda goes mushroom girl
#tloz#a link to the past#zelda#link#my art#I was happy with that first one but for some reason decided it still needed a companion piece so I spent way too long on that second one...#I don't think there was any time during the progress where I was happy with it but hfduhdfu at least I got to Attempt drawing moss hell yea#I also at some point sat in Pyu's art stream and said I enjoy drawing legs As I was being murdered by the infamously impossibe (imo) squat.#it's ok I had fun !! but I need to learn how to let doodles be doodles or I'll never finish stuff at this rate dfsuhfd#if everything in my tloz tag looks like it was drawn by different people uuuh 2023 was art crisis year ngl......#I'm falling back into my old ways rn though#anyway I think about these two a lot I think they're both stone faced and awkward ppl in different ways but they try rly hard to be friends#like I like to think it starts out so incredibly awkward and a bit sad bc they keep stepping over each other's toes accidentally the harder#they try but idk they find comfy middle ground idk in my brain they have a very interesting friendship I wanna get around to drawing it#in a proper way that might make sense....#if I don't write 200 tags I will die maybe it's bc I grew up on dA or smth#and yes I know how to find 1 (one) type of mushroom /I/ am not mushroom girl unfortunately smh
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now that I can think semi-coherently again...whooooo's ready for Friday WEEHOO
#art#twisted wonderland#twisted wonderland spoilers#stage in playful land#stage in playfulland#i've only had gidel for a day and a half et cetera you know the rest#guidel? gider? ah yes. what's that romanization. my favorite game#i'm gonna go with fellow and gidel until something official comes out i guess#anyway HEY it's spooky carnival time where everybody wears hats and then probably turns into puppets or something! i'm excited!#yuu and grim are probably going to be there also which means it doesn't canonically take place during glorious masquerade#which is unfortunate because that really is the most hilarious possibility#ace and deuce in unison: ugh you won't BELIEVE what happened while you were gone#these boys cannot just have one nice day without someone trying to take over the school or destroy all magic forever or something#such is life in twisted wonderland
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draw lizard✏️
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i hope this isn’t too Draw The Rest Of The Fucking Owl 😭 i feel like i’m awful at explaining these kinda things but i hope this might help someone a lil bit. i’m working on one for his full body too, but wanted to cover expressions here since i get asked about them a lot!
#also yes im still working on the video tutorial too if this is too simple#it’ll show the whole process back to back#it’ll just take me longer unfortunately :(((#godzilla#kaiju#my art#drawing tutorial#art tips
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toxic yaoi forever
(print) (amazing pose reference i used)
#my art#they like it like this i dont know why#is it still toxic if they both enjoy it? yes#i can only think about them unfortunately#kakavege#카카베지#カカベジ#goku#son goku#vegeta#dbz vegeta#dbz goku#dragon ball z#dragon ball#dragon ball fanart#dragon ball super#dbz#db#goku x vegeta#goku super saiyan
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Early game tattletale traveller hshsb
#yes the abyss order is causing us trouble what is he gonna do about it anyway???? intervene????#anywho who’s excited for 3.5 dropping#unfortunately for me I’ve got to complete the sumeru aqs to get to see dain and kaeya again such a pity#AND DEHYAS HERE TOO RAAAAHHH LETS GO#genshin impact#kaeya alberich#kaeya#lumine#lumine genshin impact#genshin impact fanart#traveller genshin impact#my doodles
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not the only one who bites
bonus bcuz i like the last frame:
#yes u can set that as your pfp if you want just credit me#listen i know i forgot to add the hoodie strings at the first few panel but pretend their inside the hoodie for some reason#this was the wip i was talking about#decided to finish it today :3#Gaz: “I don't even want to know...”#Ghost's usually the one doing the biting but Price is also a biter#if he want to#:p#Ghost's gonna beg Price for a big chomp cuz he's a sick freak like that#anyways i am eepy so i will unfortunately sleep instead of doodling more#gummmyart#doodle#priceghost#ghostprice#simon ghost riley#simon riley#captain john price#john price#captain price#kyle gaz garrick
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lol arthur realizes with the other knights after watching merlin flirt and being hit with a wave of deja vu: holy shit you asked me out
merlin and the rest of the knights around a campfire after leaving a village bc lancelot and leon somehow started a brawl in the tavern: ???
arthur points at merlin: after valiant! you asked me to buy you a drink! you were asking me out!
merlin is busy cooking dinner and confused out of his fucking mind: what???…..valiant….oh the knight with the snakes.
gwaine who was slightly tipsy now stone cold sober and sitting up straight against a tree: wait. explain. what do you mean merlin asked you out??
arthur snaps his fingers as he recalls the memory: i apologized for sacking you and you said that if i bought you a drink we’d be even.
merlin now remembering how he had stumbled into camelot, picked a fight with a pigheaded bully which quickly turned homoerotic and flirtatious, and continued their teasing-flirting for days before merlin shot his shot and asked the prince out only to be rejected: oh yeah, i forgot i did that…..wait, you mean you didnt realize what i was asking?
arthur: no?? we argued everyday, how was i supposed to realize you were asking me out??
merlin now abandoning the dinner and staring across the camp at arthur while the rest of the knights watch their back and forth like a game of tennis: to you we were arguing, to me that was very much flirting. i thought you were flirting back so i decided to ask you. then you rejected me
arthur, mentally beating his past self up for fucking up their chance: i didn’t reject you!!! i just didn’t realize what you were asking me. how was i meant to? we fought every chance we got
leon, nudging elyan, glee and excitement riling through him: its happening!!! its finally happening!!! seven long, grueling years is finally paying off!!!
merlin, realizing the misunderstanding and acknowledging the fact that he wasn’t rejected, his flirtations just weren’t noticed - realizing he still has a chance: oh…oh i see. arthur, my dear, our fights were extremely flirtatious. need i remind you of what you said? “do you know how to walk on your knees? would you like me to teach you?” or “i could take you apart with one blow”
arthur, mental capabilities at an all time low: m…my dear….?????????
merlin grinning devilishly as he realizes that his flirtatious persona he had hidden away after falling head over heels for arthur can make a come back: that is what i called you. should i call you something else? say…mine?
percival gags in elyan’s ear: cheesy
elyan hides a laugh: at least they’re finally getting somewhere. better than the hopeless pining
arthur, flushed from head to toe: ah uh no um im uh
merlin thoroughly enjoying himself: oh come now, your majesty. use your words.
#meanwhile leon is praying his thanks to every god and goddess above for their mercy#his pain and suffering is so over#merlin is going IN on arthur who is red as fuck#gwaine is enjoying himself immensely#lancelot pulls out popcorn to watch the two idiots finally get their acts together#flirty merlin x flustered arthur#i think yes#listen. merlin lived in ealdor. a small village of maybe thirty people - four or five being his own age#he was thrilled to be in camelot and have new faces and people to meet#he was definitely the village tease or flirt or whatever#he was gonna be a rake in camelot but unfortunately managed to fall hopelessly in love with the prince of camelot#he burned his dreams of being a rake in exchange for arthur#the issue? arthur rejected his advances. next issue? merlin’s feelings remained and grew#so merlin is a lovesick puppy for a prince who doesnt feel the same and he cant find it in himself to look at anyone else bar a few cases#he and lancelot def slept together at least once. him and gwaine tumbled into bed a few times together#but his heart always belonged to arthur he just never imagined hed get a chance to let his affection be known#now that he knows arthur never knew of his intentions in the first place and was quick to deny he rejected him#merlin is more than happy to let that part of his personality come back and terrorize arthur is a way he hadnt been able to before#hes living his best life rn#bbc merlin#merlin emrys#arthur pendragon#merthur#knights of the round table#fanfiction ideas#prompts#headcanon
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@puppetmaster13u You called Danny a space whale in the tags of one of this post.
Now what if that was literal?
Hear me out, Danny outlives his friends, parents, sister. Danny becomes a literal whale.
Well, not a literal one because he's a ghost, but he takes the shape one of at the very least. He's just a giant, glowing white whale that looks pretty divine not going to lie.
Danny leaves earth. It wasn't safe for him anymore, what with the GIW and all that as even the ghosts found it not even worth anymore to visit the mortal world.
Except for Desiree and Spectra, but that's besides the point.
But Danny doesn't retreat to the zone, he's always longed for space, but because of his new half humanness he doesn't get believe he could've ever gone because, well. Yea.
But Danny goes fuck it and goes anyway. His form shifts from human to that of a giant whale, and he swims out into the vastness of space.
Years pass, and Danny does start getting bigger as he aged. He explored the vastness of space, marveling at many things, the different planets, the stars, the formations of rock and other things.
Then he encounters someone he never though he would've.
Vlad.
Well, he knew Vlad was left behind in space by his father but he didn't think he would find him again and Vlad seemed... different, from what he remembered.
For one thing, he didn't even know where Vlad began and space ended. He got only see those red eyes that even hinted at it being the man. His body was void black and filled with stars upon stars, all glittering from his body and Vlad barely even seemed to notice him, or if he did, he didn't seem to care at all.
So, Danny took him.
He was both curious and felt a bit bad about what happened to Vlad, even if he didn't know exactly what happened, and he couldn't just leave him there either.
So on his back Vlad went, and his travels continued.
It seemed to be the correct decision, really, because slowly overtime Vlad seemed to be regaining his awareness. Then slowly, tentatively, started to speak with him through ghost speak.
Vlad only seemed to vaguely remember what he was before space. He remembered hating a man, loving a woman, wanting a son, loneliness and a boy with white hair and toxic green eyes.
Even though Vlad was his former enemy, his nemesis, and someone who took the world hostage.
He couldn't help but feel pity for him.
Then their travels continued.
Years pass unnoticed, when in space, with Danny slowly getting bigger and bigger as the two travel throughout. They've come into contact with various civilizations, some hostile, some peaceful, some neutral.
The hostile ones never lasted long, even if Danny never lifted a flipper to do anything most of the time, Vlad made sure of it.
They came at went as they pleased, and Danny believes that they've gained a bit of a reputations over their adventures, but neither he nor Vlad knew exactly what they said. It did prove useful in some cases, however.
A few more years, and Danny feels that this system is vaguely familiar. Which happens sometimes, considering he's been travelling for so long. He then finds out why it was so familiar.
He came across Earth and, oh. When was the Earth so small?
Well, not small really, but when was he just only a bit smaller than it?
Did it shrink when he was away? Or did he just grow?
That doesn't matter though. What does, is the fact that currently seemed to be an invasion going on, on his home planet thank you very much. He did not like the fact that there was a massive fleet parked right outside his home.
So he spoke to Vlad, expressed his displeasure, Vlad responded back knowingly and went off to make the source of his displeasure disappear. That doesn't Danny was idle either, the fleet was big and, well.
It's been a while since he's stretched himself in a fight.
#dc x dp#dp x dc#dpxdc#dp x dc crossover#dcxdp#dc x dp crossover#Space whale Danny#Void touched Vlad#Yes this does take place after Phantom Planet#Vlad was left in space how can you not expect me to use that?#Danny is BIIIG#Vlad vaguely remembers what he once was#Danny decided to take him along with him#Vlad can use the void itself because he's been touched by it for far too long#Unfortunately for him#Would Danny and Vlad be viewed as gods by the various civilizations they've encountered?#Danny certainly has the divine look because he glows white in the vastness of space#Vlad I think kinda has that because he's just unnatural to look at because of his void touchedness#I mean they don't have to be but its just a thought.#Right also he isn't the ghost king or prince#But he's a giant ass whale the size of a planet and slightly smaller than earth
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if you were a trans patient in House MD, House would call you sooo many slurs to your face, fuck up your pronouns intentionally, invent a new offensive term that hadn’t previously existed and look up your deadname so he can use it pointedly in every single sentence. then after the end of episode shenanigans he’d casually be like “btw i lied to the administration and told them you needed hormone injections and insurance subsidized top surgery to live. better not tell lol” and you’d just have to accept the fact that you’ve been hatecrimed AND gender-affirmed in the span of like 24 hrs
#he is homophobic but also he’s an ally do you understand me???#yes i am watching another show i haven’t seen before#this old man is crazy and unfortunately i’m into that#house md
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My man knew something
#dead poets society#anderperry#neil perry#todd anderson#mr keating#FORGOT TO ADD I SAW THIS ON TIK TOK#I'll add the id later#yes sadly I have tik tok#a very unfortunate fact#id: @imtoddanderson
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