#understanding intimate connections of meaning and identity

[alexis-royce]

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[bijoumikhawal]

I'm thinking again about how much it annoys me when fics make Parmak a follower of the Oralian Way and Garak a scornful atheist when the material they draw on for that characterization portrays Garak as religious and as this being apart of his heritage- and connects Parmak to the Oralian Way in no way whatsoever. Aside from my general feelings about Hebitians and class in Cardassian society it makes my eye twitch because it almost feels like its implying they're like this because of their respective moralities and implying religious people are inherently good and kind and atheists are... whatever you want to call Garak... is pretty fucked.

[plutosunshine]

The ruler of your Ascendant — and its house

Understanding the house in which your Ascendant ruler (also known as the chart ruler) resides is a deeply personal journey in astrology. It provides intimate insight into the core themes that shape your life path, personality, and approach to the world. The Ascendant represents your outward identity, how you present yourself, and how others perceive you. Its ruling planet acts as a personal guide, and its placement in a specific house highlights the life areas where you are naturally drawn and likely to encounter significant experiences. This knowledge fosters a deeper connection to your own life story and experiences.

Identify Your Ascendant: First, determine your Ascendant sign by calculating your birth chart. The Ascendant is the sign on the cusp of the 1st house.

   

Find the Ruling Planet of Your Ascendant:

   - Aries Ascendant: Mars

   - Taurus/Libra Ascendant: Venus

   - Gemini/Virgo Ascendant: Mercury

   - Cancer Ascendant: Moon

   - Leo Ascendant: Sun

   - Scorpio Ascendant: Pluto (modern) or Mars (traditional)

   - Sagittarius Ascendant: Jupiter

   - Capricorn Ascendant: Saturn

   - Aquarius Ascendant: Uranus (modern) or Saturn (traditional)

   - Pisces Ascendant: Neptune (modern) or Jupiter (traditional)

The ruler of your Ascendant is in the 1st house

This placement makes your identity, self-expression, and personal impact on the world the center of your life. The 1st house is the house of the self, so having your chart ruler here means you're strongly connected to who you are and how you present yourself to others. It's like your core energy radiates through your personality, making you a powerful force in shaping your life path.

People can't help but notice you. Whether you're naturally confident or working on building that self-assurance, your presence is hard to ignore. You're likely to take the initiative in life, often driven to carve out your own path rather than following others.

With the Ascendant ruler in the 1st house, personal independence is not just important, it's a defining feature of your character. You possess a strong sense of what you want and are driven to achieve it, even if it means going against the norm. This placement is all about you taking charge of your destiny.

You're wired to express yourself authentically. There's a deep drive to figure out who you are and ensure your outer life reflects your inner truth. You're not one to fake it—being authentic is what matters most to you.

This placement also means that your self-development is not just a passing phase but a lifelong focus. You're constantly evolving, and the challenges that push you to grow often revolve around how you perceive yourself and how others perceive you. Personal improvement might feel like a never-ending project, but this continuous growth keeps you moving forward.

This placement makes you magnetic, driven, and authentic, giving you the natural power to shape your own world. It's a direct alignment between who you are inside and what you project to the outside world!

The ruler of your Ascendant is in the 2nd house

You likely crave financial stability and material comfort. It's not just about money, though—it's about feeling secure and grounded in your life. This desire for financial stability is a reflection of your need for security and is completely understandable.

This placement makes you very attuned to your own value. You might tie your self-worth to how well you can support yourself or what you achieve in the material world. Learning to balance self-worth with what you have versus who you are is a key lesson for you.

Whether it's building wealth, a home, or even skills, you thrive on creating something lasting.

Your sense of self is deeply connected to what you personally find valuable, whether that's relationships, possessions, or even spiritual beliefs. These values guide your decisions and validate your alignment with your true self.

This placement drives you to create a life where you feel secure, self-sufficient, and aligned with what you truly value. You're not just looking for material wealth—you're building a life that reflects your deepest sense of self-worth and stability!

The ruler of your Ascendant is in the 3rd house

You’re someone who’s always asking questions, always wanting to know more. Your mind is sharp, and you probably dive into new topics, pick up different skills, or constantly seek intellectual stimulation. You’re naturally curious about the world, and this curiosity shapes your sense of self.

Whether it’s through writing, speaking, or teaching, expressing yourself is key. You likely feel at home when sharing your thoughts or bouncing ideas off others. Your voice matters, and you probably thrive when you can interact with others, exchange ideas, or stay in the know.

You might have strong ties to your local environment, like your neighborhood or community. Siblings, cousins, or close-knit social circles often play an important role in your life. Your relationships are likely a constant source of learning and growth for you.

With your chart ruler here, learning doesn’t stop. Whether through formal education or self-taught experiences, you never stop growing mentally. Engaging with new ideas keeps you feeling vibrant and connected to your identity.

The ruler of your Ascendant is in the 4th house

You're someone who finds a lot of meaning in your home environment. Whether creating a cozy space or being surrounded by loved ones, having a secure and nurturing home life is essential for your emotional well-being. You're likely someone who values privacy and needs time in your sanctuary to recharge.

Your family, especially your roots and ancestry, plays a big role in shaping your identity. You might feel a strong connection to your heritage or have a deep sense of responsibility toward your family. Exploring your family history or finding your place within the family dynamic can be a major part of your personal growth.

Beyond the physical home, emotional security is a huge focus for you. You might spend a lot of time reflecting on your inner self, working through emotional patterns that go way back to your childhood. Establishing a strong emotional foundation helps you feel grounded in who you are.

With this placement, you likely have a natural instinct to care for others. Whether you're nurturing family members, friends, or even your own inner child, creating a supportive and loving environment around you is part of your life's work.

The ruler of your Ascendant is in the 5th house

You're naturally drawn to creative pursuits, whether that's through art, music, writing, or any activity that lets you express your unique self. Creativity is not just a hobby for you; it's a core part of who you are. You feel most alive when you're putting your own personal stamp on something.

Having fun and doing things that make you happy isn't just a nice thing to have; it's really important for your overall well-being. You enjoy experiencing happiness in many different ways, whether it's through hobbies, having fun, or appreciating the little things in life. You know how to let loose and embrace the moment, which makes you magnetic to others.

When it comes to love, you approach it with passion and excitement. Romance, flirting, and playful connection are likely a big part of your life. You might also find that your relationships bring out the best in your self-expression, making love a key theme in your personal growth.

This placement makes you a natural at bringing fun, creativity, and love into the world. You're at your best when you enjoy life, follow your passions, and share your vibrant energy with others. Letting your creative and playful side lead the way is what truly makes you shine!

The ruler of your Ascendant is in the 6th house

Whether it's in your work, health, or personal habits, you're someone who thrives on getting things done. You might be the type who enjoys checking off tasks, organizing your day, and feeling productive. There's a profound sense of accomplishment in being efficient and dependable, and your efforts are truly commendable.

You likely find immense joy and satisfaction in helping others, whether that's through your job, taking care of loved ones, or simply being the go-to person when someone needs support. A natural part of you enjoys being of service and making life easier for those around you, and your altruistic nature is truly appreciated.

This placement often brings attention to your health and daily habits. You might be very conscious of how you take care of your body, mind, and spirit. Maintaining your well-being, whether through exercise, nutrition, or mental health routines, is a key part of feeling grounded and balanced.

The 6th house is also about self-improvement, so you always look for ways to grow. Whether picking up new skills at work, refining your routines, or focusing on personal development, you're motivated to keep evolving.

The ruler of your Ascendant is in the 7th house

Partnerships play a big role in your life. You're likely someone who thrives in close relationships, whether it's a romantic partner, best friend, or business collaborator. You feel more complete when you're sharing your life with someone else.

A big part of your life is about finding a balance between yourself and others. You're probably someone who likes harmony in your relationships and may go out of your way to ensure things are running smoothly between you and the people close to you.

You're drawn to people who mirror qualities you want to develop in yourself. Whether consciously or not, you tend to attract partners who help you grow; through these relationships, you learn a lot about who you are.

Working with others or being part of a team probably feels natural. You're not someone who likes to do things completely on your own—there's strength and fulfillment in knowing you have a partner by your side, whether in work or life.

You're likely good at reading people and understanding their needs. You can easily put yourself in someone else's shoes, which makes you a supportive and thoughtful partner.

The ruler of your Ascendant is in the 8th house

You don't like surface-level stuff. You crave depth, whether in relationships, conversations, or even understanding yourself. You probably want to dig into the "why" of everything, looking beyond what's obvious.

Change and growth are recurring themes in your life. You might undergo major transformations, either in how you see yourself or your life circumstances. You know how to rise from challenges stronger than before, almost like a phoenix.

Whether it's psychology, the mysteries of life, or even finances (like investments or shared resources), you're attracted to topics that others might shy away from. You have a natural curiosity for things that are hidden or misunderstood.

With your Ascendant ruler in the 8th, you might find that part of your life journey is learning to regain your power. Whether it's through overcoming personal challenges or helping others do the same, you're someone who seeks to understand power dynamics and work through them.

The ruler of your Ascendant is in the 9th house

Whether traveling to new places or exploring different ideas and cultures, you have a hunger for adventure. You thrive when you learn something new or experience life from a fresh perspective, and you're probably always thinking about your next big trip or goal.

You're not just interested in the day-to-day details—you want to understand the bigger picture. Whether through philosophy, spirituality or even just pondering the meaning of life, you're driven by a desire to understand the "why" behind everything.

Education, whether in school or through independent learning, is really important in your life. You enjoy learning about new things, and you might like helping others learn, too. Lifelong learning is your jam.

You're likely open to different cultures, ideas, and beliefs. You see value in diversity and are always looking to broaden your perspective. You're curious about what's out there and aren't afraid to challenge your own views.

You have a strong desire to find meaning and purpose in everything you do. Whether through your career, personal growth, or spiritual journey, you constantly seek something that brings direction and fulfillment to your life.

The ruler of your Ascendant is in the 10th house

You’ve got big goals and dreams and are not afraid to chase them. Whether climbing the career ladder or building a reputation, you have a strong drive to succeed and be recognized for your efforts.

Work and your professional life play a big part in your identity. You’re likely someone who puts a lot of energy into your career, and you probably feel most fulfilled when you’re making progress and reaching your goals.

How others see you, especially in a professional or public setting, matters to you. You’re likely very mindful of the image you project and want to be known for your accomplishments and integrity.

You’re not just thinking about short-term wins. You have an eye on the bigger picture, always thinking about how your actions today will impact your future. Building something that lasts—a career, a business, or a personal legacy—is important to you.

The ruler of your Ascendant is in the 11th house

Friendships and connections play a huge role in your life. You’re likely someone who loves being part of a community or network of like-minded people. Whether through social groups, clubs, or online communities, you’re energized by sharing ideas and experiences with others.

You’re not just thinking about personal success—you’re focused on long-term goals and the future. You probably have big ideas about how you want to contribute to the world or make an impact, and you’re always looking ahead, planning for what’s next.

Collaboration is your jam. You’re great at working with others toward a common goal, whether a cause, a project, or even shared fun. You understand that teamwork makes the dream work, and you’re likely the one who brings people together.

This placement is not just about what you can do for yourself but also about how you can be part of something larger. Causes, humanitarian efforts, or even just supporting friends in their dreams are important to you. You’re motivated by making a positive difference.

The 11th house is linked to innovation and new ideas, so you might be someone who’s into technology, progressive thinking, or just thinking outside the box. You enjoy exploring new concepts and staying ahead of the curve.

The ruler of your Ascendant is in the 12th house

You spend a lot of time in your head reflecting on life, your emotions, and the deeper meaning behind things. You’re probably more comfortable with your thoughts and feelings than most people and might need a lot of alone time to recharge.

Whether it’s spirituality, intuition, or just an interest in what’s hidden beneath the surface, you’re drawn to the mysterious side of life. You might be naturally intuitive, with a strong sense of things that aren’t immediately obvious to others.

You likely prefer keeping parts of yourself private, not necessarily because you’re secretive, but because you value your personal space.

This placement often suggests a path of personal healing and growth. You might go through deep transformations throughout your life, learning a lot about yourself by facing fears, letting go, or dealing with the past.

[elysiansparadise]

Hello, thank you so much for all the work you put into creating composite observations (and all your other observations honestly). They really are insightful and I love how you always insert an encouraging perspective even when you mention the potential challenges.

I noticed that you made a post on stelliums in the houses of a composite chart. May you also make a post on zodiac sign stelliums in the composite chart as well please? I have a scorpio stellium in my composite chart with my partner and I would love to read your perspective on this! <3

Hello love! I appreciate your words so much, they mean a lot. Thank you very much for your suggestion, I would love to talk about it!

Stelliums in the composite chart

🖤══ Stellium in Aries ══🖤

This relationship can be very active, dynamic and focused on action, there is much you want to do together and many things you want to achieve as a couple. They are not afraid to take risks together and can feel more confident and determined with each other. They are certain of the relationship and that it is the other person they want to be with. Loving, intense and passionate, they will be authentic and uninhibited. The relationship can be marked by independence and the need to maintain a strong individual identity within the relationship, they will never take away the other's time alone. This relationship could have happened very quickly and spontaneously.

🖤══ Stellium in Taurus ══🖤

Both parties want that the relationship abounds in stability, security and pleasure. They are focused on making the relationship comfortable and enjoyable for both and they are easy to be patient with each other and try to understand them. They have the ability to create a solid foundation for a lasting, supportive and loving relationship. They are naturally gentle with each other and seek to provide for each other in every way. Both are very determined in the relationship, they are constant in their affections and adore physical closeness to each other. A lot of loyalty and reliability between them. Tendency to pamper the other. They prefer that the relationship arise naturally and at their own pace.

🖤══ Stellium in Gemini ══🖤

In this relationship, both focus on fluid communication, they seek to learn and share a lot with the other, both about themselves and the things they experience. They both enjoy variety and exploring new ideas together. In addition, they will seek to keep things interesting and entertaining by being a couple that does not fall into monotony and predictability. They will have a huge and genuine interest in each other, wanting to get to know each other as much as possible. Dynamic, interesting, but also deep conversations, this couple will want to create a space where both can speak their minds without feeling judged. Both can feel very attracted to the other's way of thinking, as well as very mentally stimulated.

🖤══ Stellium in Cancer ══🖤

They are focused on making the relationship a safe place for each other where they can allow themselves to be vulnerable and feel loved. A very emotional relationship, full of care, adoration and mutual kindness. They both feel that it is very easy to be expressive with each other and they can connect very well emotionally and in terms of their personality. Both will want to understand the emotional needs of the other and do their best to meet them. A very intimate, private relationship in which they want to support each other emotionally and take care of each other. They awaken the sensitive and loving side of each other. They tend to prefer domestic plans or those in which there are only the two of them alone.

🖤══ Stellium in Leo ══🖤

They feel the freedom of being authentic and themselves, seeking to cherish others for it. They keep things fun and dynamic with each other, they are loving, very expressive and playful. They will focus on being very demonstrative with the love and appreciation they feel for each other, they will never leave room for doubt. They will make many romantic plans where they make the other the protagonist. There is a desire to shine together, to praise each other and make them feel the most special in their lives. Generous, loyal and emotionally intense with each other. This relationship may be one of the biggest priorities for the other. They will seek fun, abound in warmth, and fiercely love and protect each other.

🖤══ Stellium in Virgo ══🖤

In this relationship, support for the other will abound, they will want to be there with the other through thick and thin. A genuine desire to be each other's shoulder, they will constantly seek to improve individually to make way for an improvement in the relationship. Efforts, details and stability. They will want the relationship to be healthy, one in which the other feels calm, supported and loved. Both will be attentive to the other, they will listen to and reassure each other. Their displays of affection will be focused on actions, preferring that they speak louder than words. They will have small details with each other as reminders of the affection they have for each other. They enjoy planning things together, from dates to activities to do together.

🖤══ Stellium in Libra ══🖤

Both actively seek harmony, the mental and emotional well-being of the other and that things are fair for both. Both want to maintain peace and avoid conflict, working together to find solutions instead of making the dispute more serious. A lot of romance, adoration and a taste for both the physique and the emotions of the other. Both have the willingness to commit. They focus on clear communication where they speak and listen to each other equally. The affection and respect for each other is enormous and noticeable both for themselves and for others. Many displays of affection bring out the most loving side of the other. They seek to work together in the relationship.

🖤══ Stellium in Scorpio ══🖤

Both will want this relationship to be something deep, meaningful and intense. They will want to know everything about each other, from the lightest to the darkest sides of their personality. A strong devotion and loyalty towards the other, they will be very honest with the other. Their love will be intense, passionate and they will want to adore and worship every part of their partner. They not only look for lighthearted emotions, they long to dive very deep into the emotions of the other, to know them like no one has ever been able to. Strong magnetism and attraction towards each other, they feel attracted like magnets. Willing to face any obstacle together.

🖤══ Stellium in Sagittarius ══🖤

This couple will seek to explore a lot alongside each other, not only in the sense of travel or experiences, but also explore aspects of relationships that catch their attention. You will feel dynamic and very motivated with each other, things will seem to become more positive. They will learn a lot next to each other and teach each other a lot. They will want to enjoy life next to each other, they will let themselves go with each other and focus on having a good time together. Independent, fearless and with a desire to grow a lot alongside each other. They will live many adventures together, they will be motivated to dare to try new things and do everything they ever dreamed of. 

🖤══ Stellium in Capricorn ══🖤

There is a strong sense of commitment and responsibility. This couple will take their union very seriously, focusing on building a solid and lasting foundation backed by trust, loyalty and constant dedication. Both have a clear focus on long-term goals, especially those that concern the relationship. Together they work toward common goals and support each other's ambitions of all kinds. Both desire stability and security, working towards the idea of ​​creating a stable and secure life together, both emotionally and in other areas.  The relationship and the comfort/well-being of the other is of utmost importance to both parties. What they care about takes time and dedication, and they do not hesitate to give their all in this connection.

🖤══ Stellium in Aquarius ══🖤

They both see themselves as equals and value each other's independence and freedom. They love the idea of ​​spending time together, sharing their thoughts, ideas and occurrences with each other. Both are very accepting of the other and do not intend to change the other, on the contrary, they will love and appreciate them just for being who they are. They may have many interests in common and connect in a unique way with each other. This relationship came out of nowhere and unexpectedly. They will not put expectations on each other and will simply flow together. A fun, entertaining relationship like nothing they have ever had before. Empathic and supportive of the other.

🖤══ Stellium in Pisces ══🖤

It is possible that both feel that they have a deep spiritual bond, in addition, they can easily understand each other without the need for words. They awaken the tenderness, devotion and affection of others very easily. This relationship will not be superficial and can even be healing in the sense that you can feel better with each other's presence. They have a genuine desire to understand and support each other's emotional needs, creating an environment of unconditional love and acceptance. Romanticism, creativity and gentleness between both. This couple will dream of a future next to each other and will fantasize about moments together.

[kleopatra45]

Do you intend to make a post about stellium in the houses on the solar return chart ?

Stelliums in the Houses [Solar Return]

1st House

A 1st House stellium in the solar return chart highlights a year of self-focus and personal development. You'll be driven to assert your identity, make changes to your appearance, or take charge of your life direction. This is a year to focus on self-awareness, personal goals, and how you present yourself to the world. Expect significant changes in how you view yourself and how others perceive you.

2nd House

A stellium in the 2nd House indicates a year of financial focus and re-evaluating your values. Your earning potential, material possessions, and financial stability will be central themes. You may be driven to increase your income, invest in new resources, or reassess what you truly value in life. This is also a year where your self-worth and how it relates to your material wealth will be tested and potentially redefined.

3rd House

When the 3rd House is emphasized by a stellium, communication, learning, and your immediate environment become pivotal. This is a year of increased mental activity, where you might take up new studies, start a writing project, or strengthen relationships with siblings and neighbors. The pace of daily life may quicken, with more travel, social interactions, and exchanges of ideas.

4th House

A 4th House stellium points to a year focused on home, family, and your emotional foundation. You might move, renovate, or invest more energy into your living situation. Family dynamics and your relationship with parents, especially your mother, will play a significant role. This is also a time for inner reflection, dealing with past issues, and strengthening your emotional roots.

5th House

A stellium in the 5th House brings creativity, romance, and self-expression to the forefront. This could be a year of artistic pursuits, new romantic relationships, or a stronger focus on children if you have them. Your desire for pleasure, fun, and taking risks will be heightened. You might feel a strong urge to create something unique or to fully express your individuality in a new way.

6th House

With a 6th House stellium, your work, health, and daily routines become the focus. You might take on new responsibilities at work, become more health-conscious, or make significant changes to your daily habits. This is a year where you are called to service, whether through your job, volunteering, or simply helping others in practical ways. Health and wellness practices may take on new importance.

7th House

A 7th House stellium in the solar return chart emphasizes relationships and partnerships. This could be a year of significant developments in your marriage, business partnerships, or other close relationships. Issues of balance, cooperation, and commitment will come to the surface. You might also attract new partnerships or face challenges that require diplomacy and negotiation.

8th House

The 8th House stellium brings transformation, shared resources, and deep psychological processes into focus. This could be a year of dealing with joint finances, taxes, inheritances, or debts. Intimate relationships might go through profound changes, or you may confront issues of power, control, and taboo subjects. It's a year for deep emotional work, facing fears, and perhaps a symbolic or literal rebirth.

9th House

A stellium in the 9th House highlights a year of expansion through travel, higher education, or spiritual pursuits. You might be drawn to new philosophies, religions, or cultures, seeking to broaden your understanding of the world. This is a time to explore new horizons, whether through physical travel, academic study, or a quest for truth and meaning. Legal matters or international connections may also play a role.

10th House

With a 10th House stellium, career and public life take center stage. This is a year where your professional ambitions, reputation, and long-term goals come into sharp focus. You may receive recognition for your achievements or feel a strong drive to advance in your career. Authority figures, including bosses or even your own role as a leader, will be significant. Expect changes in your public image or career trajectory.

11th House

A stellium in the 11th House emphasizes friendships, social networks, and long-term aspirations. This could be a year where you play a more active role in groups or communities, or where you align yourself with causes and organizations that reflect your ideals. Friendships may become more important, and you could find support for your goals through social connections. Your vision for the future will be a central focus.

12th House

The 12th House stellium points to a year of introspection, spirituality, and dealing with hidden matters. You might feel the need to retreat, focus on your inner life, or confront subconscious patterns. This could be a year of letting go, healing past wounds, or dealing with issues related to confinement, isolation, or endings. Spiritual growth and self-awareness will be key themes, as you prepare for a new cycle of personal development.

I will post 'Stellium in the Signs' soon!

I hope this helps! ♥️

©️kleopatra45

[saylessastrology]

The Ruler of the 8th House: Intimacy

Before diving into the details of the ruler of the 8th house, let's first understand what the 8th house represents in astrology. This house is commonly associated with death, transformation, and rebirth, as well as deep emotional connections and shared resources. It governs our approach to intimacy, sex, and power dynamics in relationships.

Ruler of the 8th House in the 1st House

When the ruler of the 8th house is placed in the 1st house of the birth chart, there is a strong emphasis on the individual's personal power and sense of self. This placement suggests a deep need for control and dominance in intimate relationships, as well as a fascination with taboo and forbidden desires. Individuals with this placement may also be drawn to exploring the occult and mystical realms, as a means of accessing hidden knowledge and power.

Ruler of the 8th House in the 2nd House

The ruler of the 8th house in the 2nd house suggests a focus on financial and material resources in intimate relationships. Individuals with this placement may be drawn to partners who can provide them with financial stability and security. There may also be a desire to accumulate wealth and material possessions as a means of gaining power and control in relationships. This placement can also indicate a strong sexual appetite, with a need for physical pleasure and gratification.

Ruler of the 8th House in the 3rd House

When the ruler of the 8th house is placed in the 3rd house of the birth chart, there is an emphasis on communication and mental connection in intimate relationships. Individuals with this placement may be drawn to partners who stimulate them intellectually, and who can engage in deep, meaningful conversations. There may also be a fascination with taboo or forbidden topics, as well as an interest in exploring the darker aspects of human psychology.

Ruler of the 8th House in the 4th House

The ruler of the 8th house in the 4th house suggests a strong connection between intimacy and family dynamics. Individuals with this placement may be drawn to partners who share similar values and traditions, and who can provide a sense of emotional security and stability. There may also be a need to confront and heal past traumas related to family dynamics, in order to fully embrace intimacy and vulnerability in relationships.

Ruler of the 8th House in the 5th House

When the ruler of the 8th house is placed in the 5th house of the birth chart, there is an emphasis on pleasure, creativity, and self-expression in intimate relationships. Individuals with this placement may be drawn to partners who can provide them with a sense of adventure and excitement, and who share similar creative passions. There may also be a desire for sexual exploration and experimentation, as a means of expressing one's unique identity and desires.

Ruler of the 8th House in the 6th House

The ruler of the 8th house in the 6th house suggests a connection between intimacy and work or service. Individuals with this placement may be drawn to partners who share similar values and work ethic, and who can provide a sense of stability and routine. There may also be a need for sexual release as a means of stress relief, and a fascination with health and wellness practices related to sexuality.

Ruler of the 8th House in the 7th House

When the ruler of the 8th house is placed in the 7th house of the birth chart, there is an emphasis on partnership and balance in intimate relationships. Individuals with this placement may be drawn to partners who share similar values and goals, and who can provide a sense of harmony and balance. There may also be a fascination with power dynamics in relationships, and a desire to explore different roles and identities in intimate connections.

Ruler of the 8th House in the 8th House

The ruler of the 8th house in the 8th house suggests a powerful connection to intimacy, sexuality, and shared resources. Individuals with this placement may be drawn to partners who share their intensity and depth of feeling, and who can provide a sense of emotional and sexual fulfillment. There may also be a fascination with taboo and forbidden desires, as well as a desire to explore the mysteries of life and death.

Ruler of the 8th House in the 9th House

When the ruler of the 8th house is placed in the 9th house of the birth chart, there is an emphasis on exploration and expansion in intimate relationships. Individuals with this placement may be drawn to partners who share their sense of adventure and curiosity, and who can provide a sense of intellectual stimulation and growth. There may also be a fascination with different cultural and spiritual traditions, as a means of accessing hidden knowledge and power.

Ruler of the 8th House in the 10th House

The ruler of the 8th house in the 10th house suggests a connection between intimacy and career or public image. Individuals with this placement may be drawn to partners who share similar goals and ambitions, and who can provide a sense of social status and recognition. There may also be a need to balance personal desires with professional obligations, as well as a fascination with power dynamics in the workplace.

Ruler of the 8th House in the 11th House

When the ruler of the 8th house is placed in the 11th house of the birth chart, there is an emphasis on community and group dynamics in intimate relationships. Individuals with this placement may be drawn to partners who share similar values and interests, and who can provide a sense of belonging and connection. There may also be a fascination with taboo or forbidden desires within social contexts, and a desire to explore different identities and roles within group dynamics.

Ruler of the 8th House in the 12th House

The ruler of the 8th house in the 12th house suggests a connection between intimacy and spirituality or transcendence. Individuals with this placement may be drawn to partners who share similar mystical or spiritual beliefs, and who can provide a sense of emotional and psychological support. There may also be a fascination with different states of consciousness, as well as a desire to explore the deeper mysteries of life and the universe.

[astrolovecosmos]

Chiron in Aries as a spiritual warrior is confronting, impulsive, and strong. They embrace the bravery needed to navigate self-discovery, healing of the ego or identity, and empowerment overall. They fight for their soul. Despite this self-focus they can be good at getting others passionate about a cause or sense of justice.

Chiron in Taurus as a spiritual warrior embodies grounded healing, stability, and prosperity. They face issues of self-worth and material security with resilience. They can get stronger with a deep connection to nature, with self-acceptance, and seeing intrinsic value in things or people. Chiron in Taurus teaches that true healing arises from a strong sense of worthiness and connection to what you can create, nurture, or sustain.

Chiron in Gemini as a spiritual warrior is intellectually agile, communicative, and adaptable. They confront inner conflicts through dialogue, seeking understanding and integration. Embracing the power of words and ideas, they navigate the complexities of their psyche and relationships with curiosity and flexibility. They fight for clarity of thought and the liberation of the mind.

Chiron in Cancer as a spiritual warrior is the protector, guard, and natural healer. They address inner wounds with empathy and sensitivity, embracing vulnerability as a path to healing. Guided by intuition and the wisdom of the heart, they navigate the depths of their emotional landscape with compassion and courage. They fight for emotional security and the healing of ancestral patterns, fostering a sense of belonging and nurturing within themselves and others.

Chiron in Leo as a spiritual warrior is bold, creative, and fiercely authentic. They mend inner wounds related to self-expression and validation with heart and passion. Embracing their unique gifts and talents, they shine brightly as beacons of self-love and empowerment. They are guided by an inner fire and can inspire others to embrace their own sovereignty and creative potential. They fight for the liberation of the authentic self and the reigniting of a spiritual flame. They can also act as spiritual leaders at times.

Chiron in Virgo as a spiritual warrior is meticulous, analytical, and devoted to their causes or sense of justice. They must deal with inner wounds related to self-criticism and perfectionism with humility and acceptance. Embracing the power of self-care and service, they navigate the journey of self-improvement with precision and compassion. Guided by a desire for wholeness, they seek to heal themselves and others through practical, tangible means. They fight for inner purity and the integration of mind, body, and spirit.

Chiron in Libra as a spiritual warrior is guided by a desire for peace, they fight for inner equilibrium and harmonious connections. They fight and defend their inner peace and level-headedness. Logic and objectivity being tools for them on their healing journey. Embracing pros and cons of intimate or partnership-like dynamics, fighting for fairness, and seeking justice are all battles for this soul. Inner beauty, kindness, and grace are their weapons.

Chiron in Scorpio as a spiritual warrior delve into the shadows of the psyche, embracing the power of regeneration and healing. Guided by a profound understanding of the cycle of death and rebirth, they navigate the soul's journey with passion, intensity, and emotional strength. These are perceptive beings that must learn a lot about inner power and outer power dynamics. They fight for the integration of darkness and light, embracing the alchemical process.

Chiron in Sagittarius as a spiritual warrior seek a spiritual truth, they seek meaning and purpose. They are guided by a spirit of adventure and a thirst for higher knowledge, they navigate the terrain of their inner world with courage and optimism. They fight for liberation from limiting beliefs and dogma, embracing the transformative power of open-mindedness and philosophical exploration.

Chiron in Capricorn as a spiritual warrior navigates the rocky terrain of their inner world with patience and perseverance. They fight for self-reliance and the empowerment of their true potential, embracing the promise of hard work and follow the path to personal and spiritual growth. They are responsible, enduring, and ambitious spiritual leaders or followers. They have a deep sense of integrity and duty.

Chiron in Aquarius as a spiritual warrior breaks free from societal norms and embrace their authenticity. Guided by a spirit of innovation and a desire for social change, they navigate the complexities of their inner world with unconventional wisdom and radical self-acceptance. They fight for the freedom of the soul and the advancement of humanity, embracing collaboration and progressive thinking on the path to spiritual evolution. They inspire, rebel, argue, and shake things up.

Chiron in Pisces as a spiritual warrior transcends with profound empathy and spiritual insight. They are drawn to ideas and practices of enlightenment, seeking to dissolve boundaries and connect with the universal consciousness. They confront wounds related to vulnerability and sacrifice with a deep sense of compassion and selflessness. They fight to defend the sanctity of spiritual realms and to safeguard the well-being of all beings, embracing the archetype of a hero who fights out of love and devotion.

[taurusvenusian]

✶ how do you approach intimacy, sex, or shared resources? ✶

PLANETS IN THE EIGHTH HOUSE

the house of intimacy, transformation, shared resources, power dynamics

if you have planets in the eighth house, your life is noticeably influenced by deep personal transformations, death and rebirth, sexuality, and healing.

Sun in the 8th House

You go through deep emotional connections, transformation, and crises that alter your sense of identity and show you how strong you are. You love understanding life’s mysteries and use experiences of intimacy or loss for self-discovery. In everything, you strive for self-improvement. Sex may empower you.

Moon in the 8th House

Your emotions run deep and you are very sensitive to your surroundings. Because of your intense experiences, there is nothing more that you long for than emotional intimacy and vulnerability. You are a natural navigator in terms of other people’s emotions, making you very empathetic. You may want sex to be an emotional experience.

Mercury in the 8th House

You are naturally gifted in doing research, investigative work, or counseling due to your tendency to explore hidden truths. You love topics about deep and transformative subjects like psychology, secrets, or the occult. You may also be very secretive or may know a lot of people's secrets. You may love sex talk.

Venus in the 8th House

In love and intimacy, you want to merge with someone emotionally. You are drawn to partners who are intense and who awaken deep emotions in you. This may cause experiences of power struggles or financial benefits in partnerships. You may like pleasing a partner in bed.

Mars in the 8th House

To be intimate with you is to be intense and passionate. You do not hesitate to confront fears, transform through challenges, and take control of shared resources. You fearlessly approach life’s darker side and may have a strong sex drive.

Jupiter in the 8th House

Due to your optimistic approach, you are able to surpass life’s greatest challenges and offer support for others. Shared resources, partnerships, and investments are opportunities for you to have deep emotional experiences. You may like experimenting in bed.

Saturn in the 8th House

In this life, you are taught to be disciplined in managing resources and boundaries within close relationships. You are capable of developing emotional resilience by facing fears and learning from challenges that revolve around sex and finances. You may feel shy in sexual matters.

Uranus in the 8th House

Relationships may feel unpredictable or you may feel drawn to unconventional partnerships or unusual sexual fantasies. You may experience sudden or unexpected changes in intimacy or shared resources. Your perspective on life and death may also be perceived as unusual or odd.

Neptune in the 8th House

You are a visionary and desire to give your life meaning. You are drawn to creative transformations, healing, or mysticism. You experience deep spiritual or emotional connection in relationships, sometimes with no bounds. Sex may be an avenue to explore and turn imagination into reality.

Pluto in the 8th House

You have experiences in profound transformations through emotional growth, power struggles, or crises. This has given you the natural ability to surpass intense situations. Relationships may involve themes of control, obsession, or jealousy. You may want to dominate in bed.

Reminder: these are just GENERAL descriptions. Your birth chart holds the key to understanding yourself better. For a more accurate and specific reading tailored for you, book a reading with me here!

[astrojulia]

How you receive your insights

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Where does your Eureka moment come from? So, Uranus' position in your birth chart can shed light on the areas where you are most likely to receive insights and experience transformative new directions in life. Let's explore each house and the corresponding themes:

◛⑅·˚ ༘ ♡ Uranus 1st house:

You are often receiving new insights into yourself, discovering yourself in front of your fears, desires and the deepest parts of your identity, it is as if nothing of yours can remain obscure from yourself and you end up revealing all your facets sooner or later. Your keen understanding of the self can give you excellent psychoanalytic or people-reading skills.

◛⑅·˚ ༘ ♡ Uranus 2nd house:

Your insights revolve around being resourceful, knowing how to deal with material things in an innovative and spontaneous way, as if you don't have a spoon to stir a glass, but you have a fork that can do it and that's okay. You have your ideas when you need to solve material money issues and when you ask yourself what kind of value you want, is it material? Psychological? Academic? Self-management?

◛⑅·˚ ༘ ♡ Uranus 3rd house:

Your receptivity to higher meanings allows you to gain insights from routine experiences. Changes in direction can happen quickly, making it seem like you are undergoing total transformations to those around you. Your drive to apply insights practically and effectively can lead to meaningful learning and personal growth.

◛⑅·˚ ༘ ♡ Uranus 4th house:

Your insights, in addition to coming when you're lying in your bed trying to sleep but you can't, or when you're working at home and have a new idea, they come when you ask yourself as a member of your family and sometimes society, which it is your role as a sister, mother, cousin and these questions can be extended to a neighbor, citizen, (insert your nationality here).

◛⑅·˚ ༘ ♡ Uranus 5th house:

You receive your insights when you have a beautiful smile on your face, that is, in moments of relaxation and happiness, when you feel that you have managed to put into matter what was in your mind for so long. You'll likely experience revelations regarding your creative abilities and ways to enhance them further. Delving into your artistic expressions might lead to transformative experiences. Additionally, these insights can extend to your interactions with children, influencing innovative approaches to nurturing and understanding them.

◛⑅·˚ ༘ ♡ Uranus 6th house:

Your insights tend to come to you when you are fully engaged in your work or daily routines. You possess a unique ability to see unconventional solutions to practical problems, which makes you a valuable asset in any team or workplace. Your capacity to innovate in your job or health-related matters can lead to sudden breakthroughs, transforming not just your life but also the lives of those around you.

◛⑅·˚ ༘ ♡ Uranus 7th house:

Your insights often come through your interactions with others, especially in one-on-one relationships and partnerships. You have an innate curiosity about the people you connect with, leading you to understand their motivations and desires on a deeper level. This ability grants you an edge in negotiating and finding unconventional solutions in partnerships, whether it's in business or personal relationships.

◛⑅·˚ ༘ ♡ Uranus 8th house:

Your insights are closely tied to profound emotional experiences and moments of introspection. You are drawn to explore the depths of your psyche and the mysteries of life, often undergoing transformative journeys that uncover hidden truths about yourself and the world around you. These insights may come through encounters with intense situations, shared resources, or during intimate connections with others.

◛⑅·˚ ༘ ♡ Uranus 9th house:

Your receptivity to insights flourishes when you step out of your comfort zone and explore new horizons, both mentally and physically. You're likely to receive transformative insights through travel, higher education, or engaging in philosophical discussions. Your open-mindedness and willingness to challenge traditional beliefs enable you to grasp profound truths and understand complex concepts effortlessly.

◛⑅·˚ ༘ ♡ Uranus 10th house:

Your insights are often related to your career, public image, and the impact you wish to make on the world. You possess an innovative approach to leadership and are not afraid to challenge the status quo in your professional life. Your ability to see opportunities where others might see obstacles can lead to unexpected career advancements and recognition.

◛⑅·˚ ༘ ♡ Uranus 11th house:

Your insights tend to come through your involvement in groups, communities, or social causes. You thrive in collaborative environments where ideas are freely exchanged, and you are eager to bring about positive change. Your progressive thinking and visionary ideas make you a catalyst for transformative initiatives that benefit society as a whole.

◛⑅·˚ ༘ ♡ Uranus 12th house:

Your insights often arise during moments of solitude and introspection. You possess a deep connection to the collective unconscious and your higher self, which allows you to tap into universal wisdom and hidden knowledge. You might experience transformative insights through dreams, meditation, or artistic expressions. Embracing your intuitive nature and exploring the spiritual realms can lead to profound personal growth and healing.

(CC) AstroJulia Some Rights Reserved

[sadly-never-after]

I reread Kitty's diary because of a fic I am writing and I'm sick.

No but seriously as a first gen immigrant Lizzie is so dear to me and her relationship with Daring (& Duchess) is so fucking heartbreaking and I've been there, I've been there, I've LITERALLY been there.

(A guy who I reluctantly befriended and started trusting started dating my roommate three days after he and I stayed up till 03am in the morning having an extremely intimate conversation in which he ended up embracing me in an overly romantic manner. After that he ignored me for the rest of our remaining time together. Also I think he stole my necklace)

This is a silly doll line for children but Lizzie feels so weirdly realistically written when it comes to her experiences as a child-teenage immigrant-refugee. Her culture is alien and strange to others, she can't go home again, she comes off as hostile and mean-spirited purely because of linguistic differences.

And then Daring...

Iirc her official description on Storybook romance she explicitly states that she only wants to start dating when she is back in Wonderland. She knows how difficult a romance with an Ever Afterling would be. She knows that feeling of wanting to have someone from your own home, not due to bigotry but because there's a part of her that will never be understood by an Ever Afterling. And then she lets her guard down. Here he comes, Best Ever After Boy, guess I could try to be your Best Ever After Girl. He is acceptance of her host culture personified. He is the proof that she could thrive Ever After too. To top it off he laughs at her oddities with little mockery. Kitty comments on how she changes herself because of him. On how she almost starts hiding a part of her identity and heritage as a way of adapting and becoming (in her eyes) more suitable to Daring Charming.

And it's not enough.

I know a lot of people are really pissed at EAH for what they did to Dizzie and I get that but I kind of love that development for how heart wrenching it is. It is painful, and not even only for the Lizzie shippers but also for Duchess & Lizzie whose friendship was already unstable because of the events of NTP.

And the fact that none of the episodes or diaries in the future address this makes it even better/worse (depending on your liking of angst) because there's this apparent lack of remorse from Daring who doesn't seem to ever think back on their story. Tbh I think one way the writers could have gotten to develop a better darabella would have been to have her help him in some manner to acknowledge the pain he caused on Lizzie.

You are a teenage refugee. Your family and home is inaccessible. Your only friends are those who escaped with you. They are the remnant of your home. They are the only ones who understand. They are the only ones you trust. You deprive yourself of other connections because you've experienced the pain of rejection, you refuse to change but are forced to adapt. You begin to trust and perhaps to even love. And the two people you loved defrost your heart and proceed to shatter it.

[bright-side20]

That's quite a rant, but it's completely normal when it comes to Elain Archeron 🩷

"Elain said that she doesn't want a mate and a male just because she still hasn't accepted that she turned into a Fae, it doesn't mean she will not accept Lucien in the Future. "

Do you know what she was doing at the same time she said she doesn't want Lucien? She was seeing Madja to check if she was done preparing Azriel's gift. Do you know what she did after she said that Lucien isn't entitled to her time and affection? She willingly gave her time and affection to Azriel, sitting with him after midnight and talking about her hobby.

"She is just acting stubborn blah blah"

No, it's her fucking choice, it's as simple as that. She has the right to autonomy, and she has the right to choose with whom she wants to form a connection and with whom she doesn't.

In addition to being forcibly turned into a Fae, a mating bond was imposed on Elain by a supernatural force without her consent. That bond represents another layer of control over her life that she did not choose. That's why, once Lucien uttered that she's his mate right after her biggest trauma, it was over, any possibility of a romantic relationship ended before it began. By rejecting him, she asserts her right to make her own decisions, especially in this personal, intimate matter. We know that Elain values love a lot .

In contrast, Elain's relationship with Azriel was of her own making. There is no predestined bond compelling her to interact with him, she chose to accept his companionship. They had a gradual development of feelings for each other. Her relationship with Azriel was based on her own feelings and comfort.

Furthermore, comfort is very important for Elain's emotional journey. I don't know if people realize it, but Lucien is a complete stranger to her, and vice versa. We saw in his POV that he thinks she was thrown at him, which is true. Despite his good intentions, like bringing gifts to Elain, it does not change the fact that their interactions are conditioned by the forced mating bond. It does not change the fact that they are strangers to each other. The bond, other than instinct, does not magically create emotional intimacy and trust. For Elain, who went through a horrible trauma, being pushed and pressured into a relationship with someone unfamiliar is extremely distressing. That's why she is always uncomfortable when he's around, why it's always awkward, why she makes excuses not to see him,and why she prefers to watch a screaming kettle than sit with him. It's not because she's super attracted to him, as some people like to delude themselves.

On the other hand, Azriel offered Elain a sense of emotional safety, his quiet,gentle, understanding nature made her cling to him, as Feyre had predicted. With him, she can express herself without fear of judgment or pressure. The comfort she finds with Azriel contrasts sharply with the discomfort she feels around Lucien. The scene of Amren telling Elain that there is no way she'll return to being human, which antis like to use to say look Azriel is pitying Elain, actually showed how deeply he understands her. When he saw that she was uncomfortable, he immediately changed the subject and brought comfort back to her. Additionally, the gift she brought him is related to giving him comfort after noticing he often suffers from headaches, which shows their compatibility. God, I love them, I love their heartfelt bond.

The forced change did indeed leave Elain struggling with her new identity and the expectations that come with it. It's totally normal, her rejecting Lucien isn't stubbornness or childish. It really makes me sad when I see people saying things like this. Her declaration that she doesn't want a mate or a male is a powerful assertion of control over her own life. She has the full right to reject and push against conforming to expectations imposed upon her without her consent. And don't get me started on the 'she has to give him a chance' argument. These arguments often come from a personal perspective of people who think they can never reject Lucien as a mate, and they project that onto Elain. 'How dare you not give a chance to poor Lulu? Do you know the privilege you have? I would grovel for him, so you have to do it too.' It doesn't come from an understanding of Elain's situation at all. And if you think Lucien is irresistible, well, Elain doesn't. She has an eye for someone else.

In contrast, Elain's chosen bond with Azriel, based on acceptance, mutual understanding, and comfort, allowed her to integrate her new Fae identity on her own terms. This helped her adapt to her new reality while maintaining a sense of control and staying true to who she is. Until they fell in love, until she was ready for the next step, until she gave him her offer and permission — which was also her choice — she was the one who initiated it.

Finally, the same thing applies to her friendship with Nuala and Cerridwen. She chose herself to form a connection with them, yet people want to strip this from her and shove her into a group of strangers to please Lulu.

Today, Elain is integrating into her new life, she is healthy, has a job, friends, and is working on her powers. She prays to the Fae gods, which also shows she is at a very advanced stage of accepting her new life. She's making her own choices and speaking up for herself. She's fully ready for her journey within her family and friends in the Court she chose to build a life in, with the Illyrian she chose and fell in love with. SJM, Free Elain.

[illusianation]

Carol: Love, Loss, + Survivor’s Guilt

-Inspired by listening to I’ve Never Been to Me and Crazy by Patsy Cline on repeat

Shared from a recent post I made on Twitter

It’s not news in the TWD fandom how Melissa McBride’s insight into Carol’s journey has always been spot-on, especially when it comes to the deeper emotional layers that drive her.

Carol lives and breathes inside Melissa and Melissa LOVES and KNOWS Carol better than anyone. Period. As we keep hearing, the way she describes Carol’s current headspace seems to be centered in unresolved trauma, PTSD, and confronting her survivor's guilt. Like so many of us here who love her, I AM HERE FOR IT. It literally brought me back to this fandom after years away because the promise of Carol Peletier is unlike any character from any medium, and Melissa McBride is just as rare and special. She and Carol have more story to tell and after episode 1 of The Book of Carol, it is BEAUTIFUL already.

For so long, Carol’s very identity has been shaped by loss—both the loss of others and the parts of herself she’s had to compartmentalize to survive. This compartmentalization was initially a survival mechanism, a way to navigate both the horrors of her pre-apocalypse life and the new terrors of the ZA. But then, she was so good at it, it became her superpower.

She became a master at putting up emotional walls, donning her many masks to navigate her compounded grief, loss, and trauma. But over time, what began as a means of survival and a means to find peace, has left her fragmented, and the only two people to have ever been able to see inside those walls are Sophia and Daryl.

Carol’s journey, especially in connection to Daryl, has always been about finding that elusive peace. Her origin story of connection with him is intimately tied to the search and consequent loss of her daughter, and he is literally the only one left in her life who was there. The fact that their bond was forged out of that loss is such a crucial element. Her struggle with survivor’s guilt now with Daryl being gone, links directly back to that time and feels like the ultimate test of her emotional endurance. Like she needs another test?!?! 🙄 But, I digress.

One of the problems now is Daryl’s situationship in France. Carol has always been so attuned to the needs of others, especially Daryl, but often at the cost of her own needs and her own healing. The way Carol perceives his survival without her now, and how it will reinforce her own insecurities, is fucking heartbreaking— because it’s not a reflection of her worth but of the trauma she’s carried for so long. She’s also constantly torn between protecting others and protecting herself, and her methods of self-preservation often come at the cost of personal connection, believing she doesn’t deserve the happiness and wholeness she craves.

Integrating all her masks, not dropping them completely, but integrating them and the pieces of her fragmented self, is key; to accepting that all these parts—her resilience, her vulnerability, her love for those around her—are not mutually exclusive, but rather, all facets of the same powerful survivor. And again, Daryl is the one person left who has seen her in her truest form, which makes his absence (and her perception of his ability to survive without her) even more painful. But with or without him, for Carol, this next step seems to be about reconciling her sense of worth, and realizing she deserves to heal and feel whole.

The hope for her in reuniting with Daryl, her soulmate, is not just about a physical reunion—it’s about the emotional closure she deserves. It’s about Carol finally allowing herself to not only protect those she loves but to be loved, fully and without condition. She’s fought for everyone else’s survival, and now it’s time for her to fight for her own peace and happiness. The question now is will Daryl fully understand that quest despite whatever the fuck he is doing. Oops, I mean despite the separate connections he is making and the emotional regression, confusion, guilt, and projection that seems to be happening. It’s going to be a bumpy road ahead in France, but then again, Spain is still out there.

Melissa’s love letter to Carol - Paraphrased from I’ve Never Been to Me by Charlene

Hey lady (Carol), you’re cursing at your life. Y

ou’re a discontented mother and regimented wife,

With a weary heart who’s lived a million lives.

I've no doubt you dreamed about

the things you'll never do, you’ve ran out of places and friendly faces

Because you had to be free

You’ve spent your life exploring

The subtle whoring

That costs too much to be free

You’ve been to paradise, but you’ve never been to YOU.

[hiiragi7]

Dissociative realities, meeting again and again...

Growing up, I never knew anything to be real. I lived in a foggy dream, reality seeming to be an abstract concept that I did not ever experience. It kept me safe and distant; if nothing is real, neither am I, neither is the horror I was living through. If it's all fake, then, nothing could hurt me - if even "I" do not exist, nothing mattered much at all.

My survival was pathologized a variety of things; diagnosed anything from Schizophrenic to Bipolar, finally Dissociative Identity Disorder. It didn't matter much what the doctors called it. They gave me pills for what they called a disconnect from reality, took my blood on a regular schedule within their all-too-white hospital walls, myself spending my days staring out at the world from behind thick glass while I stood on top of a plastic anti-suicide chair. All I could see from there was a parking lot, and yet I yearned for it; we were not allowed even short trips to the outside world.

How was I meant to be connected to a reality I was kept from? I could not understand it, and it only reinforced what I already knew; this reality was not my own, it was not one I belonged to. It was not my home.

I was born an artist, and so I found my most vivid realities somewhere in the space between my hands and my work. Here is where I found fragments of my own story, viewing reenactments through the eyes of others who never shared my name. I expressed it all through gory, twisted, horrifying tales. I did not know a happy ending, and so neither did my creations.

How ironic it was, that I knew these creations so intimately, the details of their selves down to their dominant hand, all the while with no concept of myself. Who are you? What do you like? What do you dislike? What does being alive mean to you? Questions I could answer in an instant for my art, but would struggle for a single word for myself. I was never good at introductions.

And yet, I was found introducing myself over and over, each time sure it must be the first time. My friends, too, introduced themselves back to me, although they knew this had happened many times before. This is something I will always be immensely grateful for.

I whispered, "I don't know you. I'm scared. Who are you? Who am I?" and my friends would reply in gentle tones, reassuring me, sitting as close as I would allow them. As I grew older, I met many others like me; others with DID, others who could not remember themselves nor others.

We found each other in a dance, meeting each other over and over again. You're my best friend, you're a stranger; I hold so much love for you I can barely contain it, I don't know you at all; We have so many memories together, I just met you today.

Over time, something shifted in me. I don't know you, and yet I know you are familiar, you are safety and I love you. I don't know you, and yet I have this sense we have known each other a very long time. I don't know you, and yet all I want is to be close to you, to talk to you until both our voices are hoarse. A deep knowledge grew in me, one which cut through my dissociation - an understanding that you are my best friend, you are my lover, you are a precious somebody to me even when I have lost the details, even when I have lost your name. I know you on a level I cannot put words to, and I love you.

This understanding then expanded to myself, to the individual fragments and pieces of me so long dissociated and unknown to each other. A love encompassed my whole being, and I could finally begin to know myself. I met myself over and over, much in the same way I had met those outside of me again and again. I began to understand, each of those inside of me is someone I have known before and will continue to know again, these someones are myself. I began to see their faces in my artwork, in old photos, in stories others have told me, and then even in my own memories.

Through loving others, I learned to love myself. Through love, I have found a reality which is not only my own, one to belong to; it is one shared with many others, it is community, it is everything to me. The love of those precious to me became my own.

[sensualnoiree]

astro notes: sun uranus conjunction 5/13

This conjunction, exact on 5/13 can inspire us to try new ventures and goals, encouraging us to step outside of our comfort zones. It can bring sudden bursts of inspiration and insight, akin to a lightning strike illuminating the darkness. This illumination can lead to breakthroughs in areas where we've been feeling stuck or stagnant, providing clarity and direction.

However, this energy can also lead to feelings of cocksure self-righteousness, where we may become overly confident in our own beliefs and dismissive of others. It's important to temper this energy with humility and openness to differing perspectives.

Aries Rising (Taurus in the 2nd House): This conjunction can shake up your sense of self-worth and values, urging you to reassess what truly matters to you. It may prompt you to break free from limiting beliefs about your worth and explore new ways to create stability in your life.

Taurus Rising (Taurus in the 1st House): This alignment directly impacts your identity and self-expression. You may feel a strong urge to break free from old patterns and embrace a more authentic version of yourself. It's a time for personal revolution and liberation.

Gemini Rising (Taurus in the 12th House): This conjunction can bring unexpected insights from your subconscious mind, leading to a deeper understanding of your true self. You may feel a strong urge to explore your spirituality or delve into your dreams and intuition for guidance.

Cancer Rising (Taurus in the 11th House): This alignment can shake up your social circles and aspirations, urging you to break free from outdated goals and align yourself with your true purpose. You may feel compelled to seek out new communities or groups that resonate with your authentic self.

Leo Rising (Taurus in the 10th House): This conjunction can impact your career and public image, urging you to break free from traditional expectations and pursue a path that aligns with your true calling. You may feel a strong urge to redefine success on your own terms.

Virgo Rising (Taurus in the 9th House): This alignment can bring unexpected opportunities for growth and expansion, urging you to break free from limiting beliefs and explore new horizons. You may feel a strong urge to travel or pursue higher education to broaden your perspective.

Libra Rising (Taurus in the 8th House): This conjunction can shake up your intimate relationships and shared resources, urging you to break free from old patterns of control or manipulation. You may feel a strong urge to transform your approach to intimacy and embrace a more authentic connection with others.

Scorpio Rising (Taurus in the 7th House): This alignment can impact your partnerships and relationships, urging you to break free from codependent patterns and embrace a more independent stance. You may feel a strong urge to redefine your relationships on equal terms.

Sagittarius Rising (Taurus in the 6th House): This conjunction can shake up your daily routines and health habits, urging you to break free from unhealthy patterns and embrace a more holistic approach to well-being. You may feel a strong urge to prioritize self-care and make positive changes to your lifestyle.

Capricorn Rising (Taurus in the 5th House): This alignment can impact your creativity and self-expression, urging you to break free from self-imposed limitations and embrace a more playful approach to life. You may feel a strong urge to pursue creative projects or hobbies that bring you joy.

Aquarius Rising (Taurus in the 4th House): This conjunction can shake up your home and family life, urging you to break free from old patterns of behavior and create a more nurturing environment for yourself. You may feel a strong urge to redefine what home means to you and prioritize your emotional well-being.

Pisces Rising (Taurus in the 3rd House): This alignment can impact your communication and mental outlook, urging you to break free from negative thought patterns and embrace a more positive mindset. You may feel a strong urge to express your ideas and opinions more freely and confidently.

follow for more astro insights like this and support me over on yt @quenysefields or instagram sensualnoiree

[obsidian-pages777]

God of Heatbreak, Avenger of Unrequited Love: Anteros [ Asteroid] in your chart.

Anteros, the god of requited love and the avenger of unrequited love in Greek mythology, represents themes of mutual affection, balance in relationships, and the quest for reciprocal love. When placed in various astrological houses in a natal chart, Anteros can highlight different areas of life where these themes are most prominent. Here's a detailed look at Anteros in each of the twelve astrological houses:

First House (House of Self):

Emphasis on personal identity being closely tied to experiences of mutual love and affection.

A strong need for balanced relationships to feel self-assured and confident.

May seek partners who mirror their own qualities and values.

Second House (House of Values and Possessions):

Value systems heavily influenced by the concept of mutual respect and shared affection.

Financial decisions and material possessions might be impacted by relationships and partnerships.

Potential for finding self-worth through balanced and reciprocal relationships.

Third House (House of Communication):

Communication style may focus on fairness and equality in interactions.

Sibling relationships and early education experiences shaped by themes of reciprocation and balance.

The importance of mutual understanding in daily communications.

Fourth House (House of Home and Family):

Family dynamics and childhood experiences emphasize the need for reciprocal love and emotional balance.

Creating a home environment where mutual respect and affection are paramount.

Emotional security tied to the quality of familial relationships.

Fifth House (House of Pleasure and Creativity):

Romantic relationships and creative expressions are driven by the need for mutual affection and validation.

Pleasure derived from activities that involve shared love and balanced interactions.

Relationships with children might focus on fostering mutual respect and love.

Sixth House (House of Health and Service):

Work and daily routines are influenced by the desire for fair and balanced relationships with coworkers.

A focus on mutual support in health and wellness practices.

Service to others is seen through the lens of reciprocation and equality.

Seventh House (House of Partnerships):

This is a significant placement for Anteros, emphasizing the need for balanced and mutually fulfilling partnerships.

Marriage and close relationships thrive on reciprocal love and respect.

Conflicts in relationships often stem from imbalances or unreciprocated efforts.

Eighth House (House of Transformation and Shared Resources):

Intense focus on the deep, transformative power of mutual love and shared resources.

Relationships often involve themes of power balance and the fair sharing of intimate and financial resources.

Potential for transformative experiences through deeply reciprocal connections.

Ninth House (House of Philosophy and Higher Learning):

Beliefs and philosophical outlooks are shaped by experiences of mutual respect and reciprocal love.

Educational pursuits and long-distance travel may be influenced by partnerships and shared goals.

The search for meaning often involves exploring the balance in relationships.

Tenth House (House of Career and Public Life):

Career ambitions and public reputation are influenced by the need for balanced and mutually beneficial professional relationships.

Success in career often involves partnerships and collaborations built on mutual respect.

Public image may be tied to how one is perceived in relationships and partnerships.

Eleventh House (House of Friendships and Groups):

Friendships and group affiliations are centered on themes of mutual respect and shared goals.

Success in social circles depends on fair and balanced relationships.

Idealism in group efforts and social causes driven by the concept of reciprocity.

Twelfth House (House of the Unconscious and Mysticism):

Hidden or unconscious drives around the need for reciprocal love and balanced relationships.

Potential for experiencing unrequited love or addressing imbalances in relationships on a subconscious level.

Spiritual growth through understanding and balancing the dynamics of give-and-take in relationships.

In each house, Anteros highlights where the need for mutual affection and balanced relationships manifests in one's life, guiding individuals toward greater harmony and reciprocation in these areas.

[anhed-nia]

BLOGTOBER 10/23/2024: POSSESSOR

It has come to my attention that I would like to do a very big project on Brandon Cronenberg. I need him to get his new projects out so I can have some more data points. In no time at all he has developed a really distinctive voice, as they say, and it's not just the body horror thing; he is asking these really probing questions about identity in a way that I think is unique and requires study. More input please.

Recently I got myself locked in this intense study of his debut feature ANTIVIRAL, which may not seem immediately similar to POSSESSOR and INFINITY POOL, but I think it starts a compelling conversation about make makes you "you". Like, to what degree is your body "you"? What percentage of your body can be considered "you", or are "you" only whatever is attached to your living brain? Which then activates questions about brain health, and deceased remains. The answer to what constitutes "you" may differ depending on who is being asked, too; what is their legal relation to you, or their sentimental relationship--or what is their attitude toward bodies and biomatter in general.

As I got deeper into this project, I contracted covid at the film festival I'd been working. I began to have an experience that was somewhat similar to what Brandon Cronenberg said inspired ANTIVIRAL: He was extremely sick with a virus, and he couldn't stop imagining how particles from someone else's body had penetrated his body, and he was being co-mingled with someone else. I started to connect with that, that I had just been at this conclave of the cultists of cinema and at the same time that our brains were syncing up, these particles were threading through our bodies, connecting us. This thought kept running in the background while I was watching ANTIVIRAL end to end to end, and being part of its deluge of blood and mucus and philosophizing about viruses and whether they represent an intimate interpersonal communion, whether your cells are imprinted with the existential, quasi-spiritual thing of your personal identity. And as my husband and I were housebound and chewing our way through all the groceries we had, we discovered that our entire dozen eggs had two yolks each. And it was like something that was coming out of my television in 3D, the proliferating cells of ANTIVIRAL, the clones of INFINITY POOL, the bifurcated people of POSSESSOR who have a body and a soul that are not necessarily monogamous with one another, people who experience bilocation. I got Brandon Cronenbergitis.

POSSESSOR is really a masterpiece, theories and philosophies aside. Gorgeous and engrossing, violent in a way that exposes the essential repulsiveness of violence, and with an inventiveness that returns to us the largely-lost experience of wondering, "How the fuck did they do that?" Living art object Andrea Riseborough plays Vos, an assassin whose modus operandus is to take over the body of someone close to her mark and use them to commit murder-suicide, thus hiding the real commissioner of the crime. Though Vos's usual approach is to make it appear that the possessed individual is having a psychotic break, she is approaching her own mental collapse, as evidenced by the increasing sadism of the executions. Her latest assignment is Colin Tate (Christopher Abbott), future son-in-law of sociopathic CEO John Parse. Once inside and acting out the perfunctory nervous breakdown, Vos begins to lose control, and she is soon locked in a battle of wills with the understandably freaked out Colin.

Colin is an alternative version of INFINITY POOL'S protagonist James (Alexander Skarsgard), a failed novelist acquired by a rich heiress as a means of annoying her monstrous father. Both men are perfect submissives in some sense: They are owned by someone else, and their very identities are ultimately determined by someone else. James, who has a surplus of traditional male ego problems, is easily manipulated by a clique of rich psychopaths who make a game of destroying his sense of self--a process that is escalated by the existence of clones, vat-grown scapegoats for the crimes of the wealthy. The presentation of multiple, disposable Jameses, whose explicit purpose is to be degraded and annihilated, does something extra to the original James's sense of integrity, his brand as it were. When POSSESSOR'S Vos joins Colin in his body, it exacerbates the instability that already characterizes Colin's life; he is a sexual plaything for his fiancee's friends, he is a wage slave at her father's Amazon-like corporation, not even warranting a nepotistic promotion, and when he isn't working he's tuning out on hard drugs. His own poorly-established sense of integrity creates a sort of trap for Vos, who has been losing touch with her own personality as she sinks deeper into the bloody mire of her job.

Cronenberg said POSSESSOR came to him when he was promoting ANTIVIRAL, having to put on a kind of press persona to sell and explain his debut film to the public; he would wake up in the night feeling like he was living someone else's life, like he had lost contact with his core identity. It makes sense that he was beginning to develop INFINITY POOL around the same time, but I would argue that the much-earlier ANTIVIRAL deals with some of the same themes. Syd March (Caleb Landry) doesn't occupy the same rich failson archetype, but he lives in a world where the location of identity is up for debate; it isn't limited to the brain, or the face or whole body, but it has spread out to include the microbial components of disease, which are the new celebrity memorabilia. The belief that the persona is in these cells, and that taking the cells into oneself constitutes a form of intimacy or even unity, suggests the same attitude toward the mutability of the self. Around the time of INFINITY POOL, Cronenberg made a statement that contains a hint of dialog from ANTIVIRAL, and that I think unlocks all three movies:

“The brain creates a feeling of self. It's almost a controlled hallucination. We are each this chorus of ideas and influences. I think much of that comes externally, through ideas we’re infected with through our context, and much of it comes internally through our own biology. … It’s a process of the brain to essentially claim certain aspects of your experience. … But once you start to pick apart what it is to have a self, it’s this entirely neurological sensation rather than something that exists in a tangible, concrete way.”

It seems that Cronenberg will be working on the identity question for a long time. And as long as he is, so will I.