#ughhhh i hurt myself with this help

[theygender]

Me: idk... maybe I don't want a hysterectomy. it seems like the recovery would really suck... maybe keeping my uterus... isn't as bad in comparison?

My uterus: aww, thank you 🥰🤗❤️✨

My uterus: THOUSAND LIGHTNING BOLTS BLAST

[nachotrash]

Jesus Christ man

[mikkeneko]

having now read all of the coffin rescue AUs, the hurt/comfort gremlin in me is blissfully sated, but finding myself a little saddened at the lack of Xianle Trio in them, particularly Feng Xin (this is why I probably won't get much into TGCF fandom, really -- I ship the wrong things.)

so in order to take this trope and, as usual, make it as stupid as possible, I am imagining what if Feng Xin were the one to coincidentally stumble over Xie Lian in the coffin? Because he'd certainly help him out! -- he cares too much to do otherwise! -- but he would be so incredibly unequipped to deal with the fallout of All Of That.

i am now picturing Feng Xin having broken the coffin and absconded with Xie Lian, possibly back to his palace, puts him on a couch and is now just staring at the absolute catatonic mess that is post-coffin Xie Lian while bluescreening and panicking because he doesn't even know where to begin. does Xie Lian need a bath? food? medical treatment? all of the above but where does he even start??

so, I'm thinking possibly in his panic he calls Mu Qing, because he simply doesn't know who else to turn to, and does a very bad job of explaining what he needs. and mu qing is just, ughhhh, why am I getting dragged back into this bullshit, but he goes over to Feng Xin's place complaining all the while, I am not a servant any more Feng Xin, you cannot ask me for favors just because you can't comprehend basic manual labor, it is 100% not my job any more to clean up after Xie Lian and this complaining monologue lasts right up until he lays eyes on Xie Lian and goes HOLY FUCKING SHIT

i am not going to write this

[uslv]

Fix me

Tommy Shelby × Female OC

A/N: sorry for the wait ! I don't really like this book ughhhh the plot just moves too fast but oh well

1860 words

Part Two

Breeze hit my face as I shivered. I had to sleep on the dock seeing that the man took my bed. Not complaining, he needs it more than I do.

I barely slept at all last night. I flicked my heavy eyes around as I brushed thru my hair with my fingers.

I headed to the bathroom swiftly washing my teeth before I went to see my father.

I slowly peaked thru his room seeing he was sound asleep. I smiled as I closed the door. I went back out on the dock taking my yarn.

I finished crocheting the mans socks, since I barely slept last night I had to do something. I started crocheting him a hat, the hat is more for memories than for actual use. But who knows, he might actually use it someday. If he comes out alive.

I continued to crochet hoping that the measurement were good. But the door to my room gently opened.

I immediately got up to go to my room to help him. He was walking out, with those socks that had holes in them. He had the blanket over him as I came closer.

"Rest. I'll get what you need." I said as I turned him back to my room.

He sat down on my bed as I scurryed to the dock taking the socks I made.

"Here, their finished." I softly spoke showing him the socks.

He looks at the socks, but his reaction stayed blank. I got on my knees taking his old socks off. I felt his cold feet as I shook my head in disapproval.

"Hopefully these will keep you warm." I said as I slid the socks on him, being a perfect fit.

"There we go! Much better." I smiled looking up at him. He was looking down at his new socks, reaction still blank.

"Your boots are almost dry if you want to put them on?" I suggested as I got up.

He slightly shook his head no. At least he was listening to me.

"Alright than, I'll make breakfast for you." I smiled as I exited his room.

I went to the kitchen taking the bread and cutting a slice. I put some spread on and cooked an egg on the side. I placed the food on a plate as I went to his room. It wasn't the best breakfast, but those were the circumstances.

"Here." I smiled handing him the plate.

I could just see at the slightest, the corners of his mouth rised. Barely noticeable. A wider smile appeared on my face, a grin. I was happy he was finally showing emotion.

"You'll be home in no time." I smiled as I exited his room. I saw my dad on the dock, turning on the engine.

"You need help?" I asked him as I went on the dock.

"All good." He said as we started moving. I sat down taking my yarn, continuing to crochet the mans hat.

I smiled to myself remembering I slightly broke thru that blank wall of his. It felt like a mission completed.

"We've got company." My father spoke making me jump.

I look at the sea seeing a few boats coming on the opposite direction of us. There was a British flag so I wasn't too alarmed. My dad started to slow down to ask the men where their heading. One of the boats stopped, turning his engine off completely.

"If you have room come with us down, we are taking hurt soldiers." One of the men yelled out.

My dad nodded as he immediately started turning around.

"Dad? Are you sure?" I asked somewhat panicked.

"We need to help Evelyn." He said as he steared.

I sighed out somewhat worried. What if the man gets mad. We told him we're going home. I decided to immediately tell him. I went to his room, slightly knocking before entering.

His head turned to me as our eyes met. Hi eyes lit up seeing me. My breath hitched as I immediately forgot what was I about to say.

"I-. . . We're going back." I spoke as his eyebrows furrowed.

He got up exiting the room as he barged outside to the dock.

"We cannot go back. That is a death martch." He sternly said. I came running to his trying to calm him down.

"Look son, we need to help the other men-"

"You are going to get yourself killed!" He exclaimed.

I was left speachless. I looked at the man, than at my father.

"I've already made my decision son." My dad sighed.

The man ran his fingers thru his hair as he walked in circles.

"I- It'll be alright, don't wor-"

"Evelyn, leave the man alone." My dad warned.

The man stormed to my room as I looked at my dad, than at him. I looked at my dad one last time as I went after the man.

I gently opened the door peaking my head. He was sitting, head in hands. I closed the door sitting beside him.

"I'm sorry-"

"it's not your fault." He spoke.

"Relax a bit, everything will be alright. Believe me." I softly spoke putting my hand on his chest.

I looked at his eyes, million thoughts going thru his head. I sighed as I got up. I stood in front of him as I unbuckled the heavy jacket he was wearing.

"You'll feel better. You just need to rest." I spoke as I helped him take it off.

I placed the jacket on the hook. I took his suspenders off his shoulders as I noted him to relax. His head still in hands as he looked down at his feet.

I placed my delicate hands on his shoulders, as I started to massage him, hoping he will relax. I saw him close his eyes as I unclogged his tight muscles.

"Lay down." I softly spoke.

After a moment he obligated laying down on his stomach. I crawled on the bed as I placed my hand on his back. I started pressing in on each of his muscle, trying to untense them. I felt him relax underneath me as I continued.

"It'll be alright, believe me. As long as I'm here with you, I'll keep you safe." I told him trying to comfort him.

I turned him around as I started massageing his chest. I rubbed my palms against his chest and to his neck. His eyes looked droopy, he looked like he would fall asleep any second. I smiled to myself. I could fix him.

He took one long blink. I realised he was now asleep. I didn't want to wake him up so I just crawled off the bed and headed towards the door.

I felt his hand brush my, making me turn. He was looking at me in the eyes. I immediately melt. His hand was touching my pinky as his eyes stayed on mine.

"Don't leave me." He softly spoke.

The corners of my lips rised as I came closer to him. I layed on the bed resting my head on his chest. I sighed as I melted back into his touch. His arm warped around me as my eyes closed. I felt heavy, I could finally sleep.

❜

"Evelyn..? Evelyn!" I heard from outside the room. I opened my heavy eyelids as the door flung open. I immediately jumped up.

"Evelyn are you serious? You can't use men like him." He exclaimed.

"Father quieter, let him sleep." I said almost in a whisper.

"I don't care, he better be awake, we have men coming in." My dad spoke just as he left.

I sighed as I looked behind me at the man. His eyes were half open.

"You sleep." I smiled as I brushed my hand over his. I went to exit but he weakly held me by my pinky. I looked back at him.

"I'll be back soon okay?" I smiled just as I exited.

"We're reaching the shore!" My dad yelled from the dock.

I immediately went on the dock to prepare the rope. He stopped the engine as I saw hundreds of men getting in on the ships before us.

The boat stops as I hop off, tieing the rope around the stone fence. I pulled down the bridge as some men hurried to get on the boat. They got on with some chatter, hearing some lude comments. "You come with the boat?" One man said making me wince in disgust.

We reached the limit of the men as I hopped on the boat, untiring it first.

"All good!" I yelled out to my dad as the men sat down on the boat. I made my way to my dad as he started the engine.

"We all good?" My dad asked me.

"Everyones good, no injured." I said as I looked thru the men.

"Great..." my dad said under his breath.

I took my yarn as I started crocheting. Most of the men fell asleep, some quietly chatting. I was finishing with crocheting the hat for the man, which I don't even know the name of.

I went to the storage where I took a small box, placing the hat in along with a note. I planned to give it to him when he gets home. I realised I need to check up on him, to tell him everything was alright and that we're finally going home.

I swiftly got into the room seeing him laying on the bed. His head shoots up to look at me, the slightest smile appearing on his face.

"All the men boarded. Just so you know." I smiled shyly.

"We're heading home now." I continued as I sat on the bed. He sat beside as we bothe stared at the floor below.

"What's your name?"I asked turning to look at him.

"Thomas." He answered.

A smile grew on my face as I rested my head on his shoulder.

"Well, nice to meet you Thomas, I'm Evelyn." I smiled. He didn't say anything, he just sighed, in satisfaction.

"Are you hungry?" I asked looking up at him. He just shook his head no.

I continued looking up at him, as he stared at the door Infront. I felt somewhat connected, with him. Like there's some kind of bond. I felt like I knew him for years. All those thoughts led to another. Leading me to ask a question.

"How were you before this?" I asked him.

"Before war?" I continued. He loudly sighed as he gently got on the bed.

"You'll find out." He said making me smile.

I reached my hand to his, feeling the old and rhaspy skin. I layed down beside him, closing my eyes once again.

"I can sleep only when I'm with you." He said out of the blue, making me slightly flustered.

I didn't know what to say, I just snuggled up more against him as I rubbed my hand over his chest.

I felt droopy again, each blink being heavier than the last one. Than I just fell asleep.

[garfield-milk]

pspspsps. transfem zuko headcanons? im all ears please tell me

you have no idea how much I've waited for the day someone asks me about this...

ok so I want to start about how I think her childhood was like. pretty much everything happened the same as in canon but!!! ursa realized that there was something going on with zuko (she was showing her feminity) she didn't know exactly what, but she neither wanted to dig too deep. she just went "oh wow my kid is a queer, I personally don't care but I don't want to see him get hurt" so she let zuko try some jewelry and do femenine things with her but letting her know that it was seen as something "bad". HC that zuko secretly loves (both in canon and in this au) when azula calls her zuzu bc it's not a masculine nickname. anyways stuff happen, zuko started hiding that part of herself and then Ursa leaves and the agni Kai happens and she had to cut her hair (ouch). she didn't let it grow back or have it united bc she felt ashamed about everything about her !!!!! (I know I'm making this up myself but IM GOING TO CRY UGHHHH). there's more under the cut, I just don't want to make this too long lmao

ok so 3 years go by she gets really depressed and angry and blah blah blah your average zuko angry but with more flavour. then she a iroh have to flee from de FN and she cuts her hair!!!!! and lets it grow longer (it grows really fast ok?) which feels great for her and when they get to BBS and trans stuff start to happen. I have this idea (idk if this works well with canon but idc) that, meanwhile in the FN lee is a masc name in the EK the only name similar is Li (a femenine name) so one time iroh is talking to a costumer and calls "lee" to help him and the consumer just says something like "oh I didn't know you had a daughter" and iroh doesn't correct them (old man suspects a few things) and neither does zuko so iroh looks at her with that knowing smile but let's it be hehehehehe.

also I have a feeling that in BBS they arent really lgbt friendly but they let queer people live their lifes freely bc they want everyone to be "happy", so there's a ton of LGBT paces. zuko just happens to stumble in one and there's a lot of queer people and when zuko tells them that her name is Li they share a look and go "li girl come here, let us give you a makeover" and they dress her and put make up and jewelry on her. zuko starts coming over and meets a bunch of trans people and realizes that there's nothing wrong with her (after this is by the time she catches that 'im becoming good' fever, because she's also redeeming herself). she doesn't tell iron but!! she start wearing a bit more femenine clothes and some jewelry and pretty much everyone in the tea shop calls her iroh's niece/daughter so...

oh!!!! and zuko and jet have a thing bc jet didn't realize that she was a firebender until after the ferry. so one time zuko takes the courage to tell him that she's a girl (first person she actually came out to) and jet is completely fine with it bc why wouldn't he?? and then he finds out she's a firebender and tries to kill her (jet is a dumbass, he doesn't die and 5 years later they find each other and jet sees her and is like wow I shouldn't have tried to kill her but Zuko doesn't want to know anything about jet bc #girl boss). also the blue spirit is believed to be a girl and when zuko first heard someone say "oh wow do you not know about the blue spirit? she's like the coolest folk hero ever..." she got really fucking happy but attached it to the fact that that way people wouldn't associate the blue spirit with her (lie).

and this is without going too much into what would happen after she joins the gang (not really sure when that would happen, if in the bbs catacombs or like in canon after going to the FN) but she and Katara would be absolutely besties after the firsts weeks and Katara would be GLAD, even if she tries to not show it, to finally have someone to be girls with (no, she insists that toph doesn't count because she's just as nasty, if not more, as the boys) and Katara would say stuff like omg im going to teach you how to be the perfect girl, and even though it might sound weird bc katara wtym perfect girl, but they are both excited asf and loving the concept so it doesn't matter (they are doing each others hair while shit talking about people)

i would love to know your opinions about what would she change her name to bc, yeah she prefers li over zuko but it's still very much a masculine name to her fire nation ears. so I have a few opinion but in not really sure witch one I like the best: suzume, sao, sakda or kuniko. but I'm open to hear any suggestions tho! and about head canons too, and pretty much anything related to transfem zuko!!!!!

[miss-ery-3]

ughhhh, i don't want my blog to turn into some kind of relationship-crybaby-blog, but i do have a lot to think about atm

i dont really have anyone to talk with about this. all my friends are in happy relationships and dont really seem to take any other stance than "you cannot break up" and that just really isnt helping me

buuuut, if you aren't interested in my personal (non-ed) issues, just scroll on<333 no hard feelings

so, for now, i'll just type this into space and hopefully get some kind of catharsis i guess

it's currently 1 am and i am in my childhood bedroom and i can't sleep. my head feels like it is fucking spinning. every thought in my head is "why do i feel like this? if i feel this bad should i just stay with him? but do i actually feel in love with him anymore? it's not fair to continue being with him, if i don't actually want to. would i miss him? would i regret it?" and then just in a big ol' loop

mixed with thoughts of my friend i talked to all of friday night. his face has popped up in my head constantly since i went home at 7 am from being with him all night. i feel fucking butterflies in my stomach, and get all giggly, and i want to say his name out loud for some strange reason - until i think about what these fucking butterflies mean and then i feel sick to my stomach and want to throw up. every butterfly i feel is like taking a step away from my bf, and i literally cannot control it

i feel like an absolutely horrible person, fuckk,brnfjkgnkmrf

'cause i also keep thinking about all the things my bf have done that hurt me (i guess, to make myself feel better?? but it makes me feel a whole lot fucking worse. both because i feel like a horrible person, and because he's made me fucking sad a lot of times)

like this summer, i got my bachelors degree (a fucking big thing for me - and he knew that), and he knew that i would have my last exam in, like, the end of june. i gave him the date as soon as i could (maybe two/three weeks ahead) and then like a week before i graduate, he remembers that he has plans with his 5 best friends to go drinking

and guess what

he chooses to go drinking with his friends. he celebrates me for like... 1 hour, 2 hours max. as soon as my friends arrived he was like "oops gotta go drinking with my friends that i can see all the time. no time to celebrate my girlfriend getting her bachelors degree, although she will never ever have a day like this again. no no, gotta go get shitfaced. and i am actually not going to apologize"

also at my last birthday, i celebrated it at my parents house for most of the day, and then went home in the evening (like after dinner) to go get drinks with my friends. we had planned that he would come home to my parents with me the day before, and then we could wake up together on my birthday and he could be with me and celebrate and stuff

3 days before my birthday, he says he doesn't want to go with me to my parents' house to celebrate my birthday, because he has to read for school (it was in a holiday as well, he didn't have school for days). the weekend before my birthday he chose to go drinking with his friends (i was ofc not invited) and couldnt get out of bed for days, but whenever my birthday rolled around he had to be an A fucking student. so he cancels and then we only see each other for the last, like, 4 hours of my birthday, with all of my friends and some family - and then he got annoyed with me for getting sad

he talks over me, he interrupts me and then never asks me what i was saying, he ignores me every time he picks up his phone, he always prioritizes friends, family, work and school over me, he's really good at making me feel small (not in the good way) and stupid. he corrects almost everything i say, also stuff that i dont say, but that he just want to "clear up". he drops plans w me so easily, to be with his friends and he almost never invites me. he insists on touching my belly although i've told him it makes me very uncomfortable, and then gets annoyed when i remove his hand - because 'he likes touching it, and i shouldnt feel bad about my belly'. he often ignores my text messages if he doesnt feel like they matter to him. when i ran my first 10K he ran 11K the next day to show off (he did apologize, but i still cant believe he actually did that shit). whenever ive met his friends and family, they are better at including me in the conversation than he is: he will leave me alone with people i barely know, to go do something else (and he knows that i have some social anxiety). he gets annoyed with me over things that he believes i do on purpose, but i dont (e.g. wake up later than him?? go pee before i make coffee for us?? when i forget socks when i sleep over, and ask to borrow some of his? same w phone charger and other stuff. and he usually ends up with saying "omg its just a joke" but i can feel that it isnt. otherwise he wouldve stopped doing it). sometimes he makes jokes at my expense or is just plain rude, and when i tell him to stop, he will tell me to grow up and accept a joke, and whenever i say he makes me uncomfortable/annoyed he says "i cant take that seriously" or "thats the fun part". he is horrible at picking up after himself, and will get annoyed with me if i do it for him (i cant stand mess, and he knows this.) he wont do the dishes for days on end in HIS OWN apartment, so whenever i come to visit, i usually end up doing them, cause i cant stand mess. and he ALWAYS comes out when theres like 1 spoon left and is like 'oh gosh nooo sweety, you shouldn't have done all that.. awww.. nooo, now i feel bad.. *hug, kiss* oh well' and then go back to laying on the couch).......

ofc he also has good sides, but now that i've mentioned all the crap i have a hard fucking time remembering it. but i know that he does. he gives good hugs, he can give great advice, he usually doesnt judge the stupid things i do. he knows my quirks and he likes cooking me food. he hates rubbing my back, and will get annoyed if i ask him, but he is good at it. he has nice eyes and a cute smile. he knows a lot about the things im interested in (but usually shows off his knowledge in a know-it-all kinda way). hes creative and has good music taste

ugh, i am so sorry for this long ass rant, but i just needed to get this off my chest... if anyone actually read all this, and has some advice or... anything... feel free to send a message or a reply or something idk

i feel horrible

[rotting-tooth]

TWWWW !!!!

BLOCK FONT REPORT.

SFXS!!!

I'm just rlly good at makeup tumblr >,,<

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🦷

LAST TW

I'm so fucked y'all. I was supposed to stay clean bc id been wanting to stay good for my bf and bc my parents offered me to stay clean 2 years and in trade id get a tattoo, but I knew I couldn't stay clean, so I just moved cutting grounds and only did sorta deep, like a bit more than a cat scratch. this past week has been absolute fucking hell, I can't stop eating, I half broke up w my boyfriend then got back with him and now he thinks I don't love him anymore, I fought with my parents alot, I learned a lot Abt my ex that I'm not over. my life is falling apart bro. so to help I cvt and today I went too deep, it's gonna be a while for this to heal. fml. like I'm rlly happy abt this, but also scared now. ughhhh. I feel so guilty for hurting my bf so I just kept telling myself "the sting is temporary, the scars are for years. temporary hurt for long time beauty." ughh. it's ok tho, it's maybe the deepest I've gone accidentally?

last two photos are cvts from 2 weeks ago 💀

[moviesludge]

guy from high school added me on fb a few months ago. i was never really close with him. he was more of a friend of a friend type. i thought I remembered him getting involved in military somehow. And I remember it seeming like he was one of those guys that is very intense. like you get the vibe that he might snap some day and kill somebody or something. freaked me out a bit but I think he disappeared back then. So he pops up as a friend request a couple of months ago. Super courteous and polite guy but political vibes were off to me even though he didn't seem to post anything really overt. Then I posted a MARS ATTACKS painting of three kids that had just beaten down one of the martians with weapons. One of the kids was Black and this guy comes in making a comment about "DEI" something something. I acted like I didn't know what it was and asked him about it. He described it in a sort of innocuous way and I replied like "oh ok" and then he deleted his comment.

He had weighed in a couple times on other posts I made, with a helpful and constructive spirit. He seemed thoughtful and proactive, which I appreciated, but I felt like I was just waiting for the other shoe to drop. So Just a few minutes ago, I saw that he posted a link to a Matt Walsh documentary called "what is a woman?". I'm not familiar with that guy or the doc but right away I'm like ughhhh shit. So I look up Matt Walsh on twitter and of course I have him blocked. (I block everybody who sucks), so I check out his profile and of course it's an anti-trans pile of shit doc and the guy describes himself as a "fascist theocracy" guy. I don't consider myself a really sharp guy, but if you're perusing the "market of ideas" or whatever and you see "FASCIST THEOCRACY" you can stop reading. And if you don't, there is something seriously wrong with you.

So you know. 5 or 10 years ago I might have messaged the guy and had a conversation telling him that I don't want to be friends with someone who is into stupid hateful shit like that and posts about it, but I've tried that a few times and it goes about as well as you can imagine. I'm not interested in explaining why you should shut the fuck up and let people live their lives the way that feels right to them, as long as they aren't hurting anyone. That is some basic life shit, and I think you either get that or you don't. And if you don't get that and you feel the need to spread some stupid chudbrain garbage like that, I do not want to be your friend, no matter how nice and helpful and courteous you act towards me. And maybe that's shameful of me. I own that. Because I am far too angry of a person to have the patience to entertain the idea of trying to guide people back from embracing hate and fascism. I know it's probably better to be a good influence to people like that, but I need all the peace and calm I can get in my life right now (especially now), and I go from 0 to psychotically pissed off and stressed out when I have to see people floating dumb hateful garbage in my periphery. Maybe I can work on this in the future and achieve my own robust source of patience and peace, but I'm not there yet.

I've already cut ties with a couple of people I used to work with who were more or less acquaintances. It was the same type of thing as this military guy but I probably was a little closer to them and liked them a lot more. I worked with the guy at Blockbuster and he ended up marrying this girl who worked at the cafe at Borders where I worked. I don't know if he did, but she came from a really religious family. They were both really funny, nice people. Over the years she started to post about all this nutrition stuff. Like you shouldn't eat something that has x thing in it or y thing in it, etc. And then she actually became a sort of social media nutritionist. I don't know if it was like a full time job or not but it always seemed just slightly weird to me. Like the weird you feel when you have a friend who is just way too likely to believe a conspiracy theory and go down an internet rabbit hole. But I never saw anything really overt from either of them. And then J6 happened and I remember the husband was like arguing with me about how the rioters were "trying to fight a wealthy elite system" or something like that. And I was just so pissed off about it that I was like extremely adamant in my replies that these people were all scumbags and shitheads working for trump. So I guess I overwhelmed him with how pissed off I was and he responded like "ok then they should lock em all up" but I think he was just sarcastically agreeing with me so I would stop telling him about exactly what was really happening.

I recently heard someone mention that the nutritionist thing is some kind of common red flag for weirdo fascist qanon adjacent bullshit. I had suspected that to be true but was never really sure until very recently, just after the election when she was praising trump and rfk for the things they did and planned to do. That's where I finally had to draw the line. Although I did see a photo that one of them posted and one of their friends was wearing a "let's go brandon" shirt. I probably should have known then. I think I did but I didn't want to believe it.

I guess this is a good time to praise the people that stay friends with people like these and do their best to influence them. I've read stories about people who really did help their friends back from the verge by meeting them where they are and kind of showing them the harm of what they're doing. It's crazy because I see friends of mine who stay friends with people like this and I like want to punch their friend through the internet. I just cannot stand them. If you can tolerate that shit, you're a more patient and understanding person than I am, and I applaud your efforts.

[siomae]

🌬 jan 16, 2024 ; new beginnings

only 3 weeks into the quarter, and i'm already procrastinating 🙃 i cleaned my room to see if it will help motivate me to do my work, but it wasn't as effective as i thought. a clean desk means i don't get annoyed as much when i open my laptop, so if that's something?😂

i think my problem is really just lack of self-discipline. it's like, no matter what i intend to do, i will always find a way to avoid my responsibilities.

one more episode won't hurt, right?

one more reel/tiktok?

one more round of this game?

just snooze my alarm for 5 more minutes? (sometimes i just completely turn off my phone and risk being late. why do i do that?)

ughhhh excuses, excuses! but how do i even force myself to be accountable ?? it feels like the part of me that doesn't want to do any work is overtaking my body. any suggestion is deeply appreciated because i can'tttt keep going on like this. it's a continuous cycle of self sabotage😓

goodnight 🩷

[httpshujii]

Hey pretty to you too! (your ask greet is adorable)

So

I'm just going to take this for you

"There is a bright future ahead of you." ^^

Keep up the hard work and go for your dreams and aspirations, school might be hard, but you will succeed!

✩‧₊˚ 𝐌𝐲 𝐏𝐫𝐞𝐭𝐭𝐲 𝐆𝐢𝐫𝐥 ‧₊

: ̗̀➛ In which your boyfriend helps you through your mental breakdown.

: ̗̀➛ Male x gn!reader

: ̗̀➛ Kuroo Tetsuro

: ̗̀➛ Fluff & hurt/comfort. A lot of comfort.

: ̗̀➛ Word Count: 395

◬Crying. A lot.◬

A/N: I'm 🤏 this close to laying on the floor and sobbing. My first exam is on Wednesday and my depression is not helping. Anyways, enjoy Kuroo being supportive and loving coz I don't have a Kuroo to help me through my pains 😭 And ty Nat for the ask! I rly enjoyed making this.

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⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘

"Ughhhh!" You groan as you slam your forehead on the wooden table in the living room. Balcony door open. The fresh summer breeze flowing through the house.

And at the sound of your loud huff, Kuroo pops his head from the kitchen door.

"What's wrong kitten?" He asks, deep voice laced with slight worry.

"I can't do this anymore!" You yell as you throw your papers onto the table. Droplets of water teasing your vision. A sob escaping your teeth-abused lips as your trembling hands rub at your closed lids.

Seconds pass and Kuroo is immediately holding you close. Strong arms wrapping around your shoulders, face nuzzling into your burning neck.

"Hey..it's okay-"

"It's not!" You cry, desperate for an inhale of air, "It's hopeless..."

A sigh escapes your lovers lips.

"Look at me." He whispers, turning your chair to face him. Your hands helplessly wiping away the running stream of tears.

"Look at me love~" He coos, crouching down, laying his hands on your thighs and rubbing your skin in an attempt to calm you down.

Small sobs and whimpers escape your now plump lips as you look at him with a glitching vision.

One of his warm hands cups your cheek and wipes away the strand hairs from your face.

"You're so close...you're almost done. A couple months and you'll be in college. Or not. Whatever you choose to do, I'll be here. Okay?" He sounds so warm and his tone laced with a few drops of hope.

"I'll be here and I'll work for us. I'll put a pretty ring on that pretty hand of yours. You'll be my pretty little wife and I'll make sure you don't break over anything again." He stands up slightly to place his forehead on yours.

As though he's sealing a promise with his touch. Siren eyes looking down into your doe ones. Thumbs wiping the drying river. Small hands gently holding onto his that rest on your puffy face.

"My pretty girl...there's a bright future ahead of you. I promise." And he seals his promise once again with a kiss to that nose of yours that he loves so much.

"My pretty girl. I love you..." He clings onto you tightly, rubbing your hair and whispering sweet praises into your ear.

"I love you too Tetsu.." Finally, a breath of fresh air.

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A/N #2: Why am I so good at making myself cry 😭

[imaginespazzi]

PARTTT TENN YAYAYAYAYA

- hi nivi bby your writing has been missed dearly.

- The Bridges Burned Around Us??? i fear im shaking in my boots. apparently ill be flinging myself of bridges not cliffs!

- part two has been sort of reread i went fast because im excited

- poor angie…

- “unlike HER paige” OH MY GODS AWWWWW so why don’t u make it public if she’s “yours” huh

- bruh azzi u could have healthy breathing if u just idk told your friends

- horny fuckers

- haha someone’s in trouubbbbllleee

- i like tessa she’s funny.

- jana my bby

- tessa and jana abt to be menaces together hopefully

- not them basically living together stop that’s so wholesome and cutie pie

- now why are we talking abt who paige’s has slept with azzi…

- RATHER JUMP OUT OF THE CAR IS SO ME CORE

- okay im fearful. is it abt the one year contract and like angie supposedly taking paige’s spot after the year? UGHHHH

- Stephie-bean IS SO ADORABLE

- STOP NOT STEPHIE GETTING JEALOUS 😭😭

- love. okay where is the bridge

- BYE not azzi using her daughter to stop her jealousy

- stephie being a legit mix of azzi and paige makes me so happy

- “do you know if Aunty Chérie is in town?” oh so this girl is a GENIUS

- BYE AZZI BEING A BIT OF A BITCH TO THIS KIDS MOM I LOVE IT

- OMG IS IT DREW??

- FLASHBACK TIME i love these

- awww azzi surprising paige with drew is so adorable

- BYE not the dude trying to flirt and drew stopping it 😭😭

- “you won’t ever hurt my Paigey will you?” yeah so i just died

- OH DAMN HES PISSED.

- trust stephie to make it awkward but also help ease tension

- “I don’t make promises like that kid,” there’s an unspoken accusation as Drew keeps up a smile towards Stephie but his eyes dart for the briefest second towards the two women around him, “but I promise I’ll try.” YEAH IM SCARED There’s a shine of warmth in Drew’s gaze for a second but it flickers away faster than it had appeared and his eyes are cold with flecks of betrayal as he looks at Azzi, “that’s what happens as people get older isn’t it? I wouldn’t look so different to you if you’d been around to see me grow up.” GODDAMN IM CRYING.

- i get why drew is upset with azzi. she was such a big part of his life, but omg ouch.

- the whole uncle drew thing is harming my soul. the day stephie calls paige mom in some way i won’t make it out alive.

- azzi i love u BUT PLEASE STOP OVERTHINKING EVERYTHING BING AND JUST COMMUNICATE WITH PAIGE INSTEAD OF RUINING IT IN YOUR HEAD

- UGHHH THATS THE ENDING WHY DO U END LIKE THAT U EVIL GENIUS OMG

- damn okay. the chapter ate but also the plot just gets building and as previously mentioned i am terrified for the fall.

- questions!! at the end is drew upset with paige too for getting back with azzi or just made upset with azzi leaving to begin with and projecting it onto both of them sort of?

- also like paige being like drew stop and him listening have they talked abt azzi at all since their breakup or is like a we don’t talk abt that kinda deal?

- on a similar drew note im curious as his reaction to paige telling him she’s getting a divorce with ms cunt??? was he like told u so or more symptomatic?

- ALSO OKAYYYY DREW NBA I SEE U!!! question is can he finally beat Paige 1v1

- honestly thinking back on this whole chapter i don’t have a lot of questions more just overall like waiting for everything to unfold

-as always ily!

🤩🤩

Bestieeeee hi <3

- Personally I would love if you could no throw yourself off of anything because I don't want you to die!

- Azzi just likes to make life complicated apparently cause you're so right

- Yep yep yep, it's exactly about that. We all knew that was gonna come back and here we are.

- Stephie knows exactly where to twist the dagger lmao

- Yeah I'm ngl writing the Drew angst has been the saddest I've been writing this fic just cause like he really was just collateral damage and he didn't deserve it

- Drew is mainly mad at Azzi but he's also against the idea of them getting back together because he doesn't trust her to not hurt Paige again.

- LMAO every time you call her Ms. Cunt I giggle but he was definitely just relieved cause he knew Paige's heart wasn't in it.

[cloudcountry]

Okay Get Ready i have like 355382638 screenshots of shakespeares route because i. have been so busy and i haven't been able to post anything AND I EVEN MISSED ALL MY ROUTES YESTERDAY HELP

okay...i didn't realize we were starting this far back....um so yeah!!!!

BOOOOO STOP PLAYING THE VILLAIN ROLE I KNOW WHAT YOURE DOING. YOURE PUTTING ON A VILLAINOUS FRONT TO PROTECT YOURSELF. BULL SHIT!!!!!

OH SHIT??? that's why shakespeare was with robert. hm!! interesting.

I KNEW YHAT ALREADY KEEP UP SHAKEY BOY.

WAOT WHAT shut up you don't mean that :T you're literally such a liar LMAOOOO you're not lying about comte though he'd beat ASS

OKAY OW THAT ACTUALLY HURT NY FEELINGS A LITTKE :(((( WHY ARE YOU SO MEAN HELLO WHAT DID I EVER DO TO YOU???

still....if vincent is friends with him there's no way he's terrible.

HE SLIPPED IT WHERE.

LOVES HOT FURY.?? DIDNT YOU JUST SAY YOU HATED ME??? AND I NEVER SAID ANYTHING ABOUT LOVONG YOU WHAT

?!?!? COMTE :(((( HES SO PROTECTIVE ITS SO SWEET,,,,, IT ACTUALLY MAKES ME A LIL SAD

HE IS A FINE DANCER AND HE WOULD JAVE BEEN FINER IF HE DIDNT KNOCK ME OUT AND KIDNAP ME BUT OK!!!!

girl i don't think...hes going to :C

ughhhh them caring about my safety will ALWAYS get me. ALWAYS. it's such. a punch in the gut IN A GOOD WAY.

......WHY IS HE SO CRYPTIC. JUST SAY WHAT YOU MEAN YOU SILLY ACTOR. YOU WANNA DANCE FOR ME HUH? YOU WANT TO SING A LITTLE SONG??? THIS ISNT A STAGE YOU KNUCKLEHEAD (i care about you please tell me if something's wrong :C)

i love how she's like "FUCK he smells nice >:T AND he knows my tastes >:T shut the FUCK up will."

HEY?? JWHDJWBJDJE WHAT?!?!??!? HOLD ON WHAT. HOLD ON. GIRLIE....DID YOU THINK TJIS THROUGH

WHAT EFYJ FUCKN?!???!!! HELLO EXCUSE ME?!??? WJY WAS THAT ATTRACTIVE WHAT THE FUCK I DONT WANT TO LEARN ABOUT MYSELF RIGHT NOW.

I HAYE THIS I HAYE THIS I HATE THIS I HATE THIS I HATE THIS

i can practically hear every person in the mansion screaming in agony....

I DONT WANT TO GO PLEASE PELASE DONT MAKE ME GO PLEASE DHHEHXHJSBXJD I DONT WANT TO I HATE THISSSSSSS SPLEASE CAN I STAY I DONT WANT TO GI

NOOOO TRUST ME THEO I DIDNT WANT TO HURT HIM :((( I HATE THIS I CANT BELIEVE WE JUST HURT VINCENT I WANT TO BASH MY HEAD INTO A WALL

DAMN OKAY THEO WILL ISNT THAT BAD,,, why am i trying to defend him. BECAUSE I HAVE FAITH.

AWWWWWW ISAAC :((( IM SO SORRY SEBASTIAN LMAOOO YOURE SO SILLY I CANT HELP BUT GIGGLE ^^;

aww :C he cares :C i have no idea what the "rotza-" part means but i can infer what "gadvergamme" means ^^;

DAMN EVEN AFTER VINCENT YELLED AT HIM??? wait im actually so touched,,, that's so sweet of him. he respects his brother so much so for him to stand his ground even after vincent tells him to back off? wow.

WHAT THE FUCK WE JUST GOT HERE

SJGZHWHGSH WHY IS THIS CUTE TO ME IM NOT A CLOWN YOU IDIOT FIGHT ME

YEA LITERALLY CAN I BE YOUR HOUSEKEEPER INSTEAD???? AND WHY ARE WE SO CLOSE NOW????? THIS IS SO EMBARRASSING?????????

YVES??? IS THAT YOU???? CUPCAKE PLEASE HELP ME!!!!!!!!! I DID NOT AGREE TO THIS!!!!!!!!

that's the image limit folks HOPEFULLY I'LL GET TO PART TWO TODAY ^^ !!!!

[laylaplease]

Ughhhh, you are such an amazing writer! 🫠😩🔥

Your sex pollen fic really got to me, specially because Anakin becomes so goddamn UNHINGED in it. And it’s just—sooooo freaking good. 😭

Like him just going from desperate apologies, to sheer animalistic lust, and then back to a moment of softness where he tries to comfort his precious Padawan—and then BACK to slipping into a deranged expression (ughhh, I have a kink about Anakin losing control like that. Like—just to the point where he can’t fucking help himself) as he seduces his obedient little Padawan to surrender and enjoy it.

The best part was how hard he fought it in the beginning to me. Because Anakin is the reader’s Master. He’d never hurt her, right? And so the reader never is on the other side of his dangerous power.

But the pollen brings everything to the surface. And the reader gets a sense of the dark and blazing intensity of the man who is her Master. Like—when he tells her “fucking RUN.” 🥵🔥 In my heart of hearts, I believe the reader knew she was done for in that moment. She’s SEEN her Master on the battlefield. There’s nowhere on that planet that she could hide from him.

But ughhhh, I loved it. Because Anakin gets the reader so messed up—but HE also gets deliciously messed up. He’s slurring and groaning and descends into a state of ravenous bliss. And the reader has probably only ever seen her Master as strong and brave and gentle and sarcastic and reckless and loving. But she’s never seen him like this. Never seen him so utterly wrecked with pleasure and moans.

She’ll NEVER be able to look at him the same way again. Not without thinking of him turning her to mush with his cock. And he’ll never be able to look at her without thinking of her writhing in pleasure beneath him.

It’s sooooo deliciously wrong. Because they are so FUCKED from that point forward. (Pun intended. Lol).

I’m a writer myself, so I definitely understand the procrastination. ❤️ But I just wanted you to know—if you ever make this into a part two or a series—I will be the first in line. 😭🥵

Dear Anon, do you realize that reading this was literally orgasmic??? The way you describe my own work turned me on, what kind or sorcery is this !! Maybe it's my praise kink.

It almost seems like you've been there in my head as I was writing it because of how accurately you depicted the vibe I was going for: "She’ll NEVER be able to look at him the same way again. Not without thinking of him turning her to mush with his cock. And he’ll never be able to look at her without thinking of her writhing in pleasure beneath him." LITERALLY SHAKING, YES !! They are both ruined for each other in the worst (and best) way possible !!

And twisted pervert Anakin is actually one of my favorite tropes hehe.

Thank you SO much for this message. It's so inspiring to receive things like that, especially when you're quite an amateur at writing fanfiction and still trying to figure out your style <3

Hope to see you around! 🤎☕

[living-d3ad-gh0ul]

Thursday 20th July 2023, 01.34am

I am feeling okay enough right now to write to you, to finally reply to you properly anyway. I've really missed being able to just do that.

Don't worry about your internet being shitty and going out and therefore not being able to stream, I figured there may have been some kind of issue or maybe you just weren't feeling up to it when I didn't see your name pop up on twitch. It's okay, I get it. I hope it's fixed now though and you can use the internet again at the very least.

I really did like how you handwrote me a note for my birthday. It's really personal, I love small gestures like that so much. And thank you for saying I looked beautiful in my outfits, I really liked them. And those cowboy boots are absolutely coming with me to London next month. I've got some ideas of some cool outfits I'm gonna wear while I'm down there. Because weirdly being in a big city like that makes me wanna look cool, probably because there's more people or something lol. Or maybe it's just because I feel like I can be more myself there than in my shitty little town. Who knows. And no, they didn't give me my tiara on a satin pillow, although I wish they had now you've mentioned it haha. I cannot BELIEVE you've never had Biscoff anything, E. I am truly and completely OFFENDED lol. Not really, but it's so bloody good, you have to try it! I love Biscoff milkshakes too, ughhhh so good! I do get what you mean about the too much sugar thing. I actually have to go to the dentist tomorrow morning cause I've cracked a tooth and it's really sensitive. Luckily it's one in the back, so it's not noticeable at all.

I really do feel like he was around me on my birthday. I kept just getting that like.. feeling? Idk if that makes sense. But I just felt his presence and it was comforting. I like when I feel like he's nearby me. It doesn't hurt as much during those times.

I really do hope you are starting to feel a bit less brain foggy and a little better now. I'm really sorry you've been feeling like that. I know how horrible and shitty that can be, cause I've been there. But I am so fucking proud of you for doing those little small things to change your habits. And yes you're right, don't force them. Because you really are less likely to actually make any significant or proper changes that you'll stick to if you force it. Small changes and taking things one step at a time is absolutely the right way to go about it and I'm so happy that you know that too. I totally get it with the sleep too, I've been feeling a lot like that recently as well. It's probably been stress on my part but I can absolutely relate to it. But please don't ever feel like you've failed. Because you're not a failure, you never will be. You're human and we sometimes go through rough patches and make mistakes, that's just completely normal and all part of the human experience. It's how we learn from those mistakes and get through those hard times that really show our strengths and I know you are absolutely full of those. You have so many strengths that I'm not sure you even know about yourself, E. You're totally right in doing things when you're awake and not limiting yourself because oh it's late or oh it's early or whatever. Obviously I get you don't wanna be noisy or whatever at night, but there's always ways of working around things like that and doing what you can even if it is late at night. I've definitely been there myself (sometimes recently too where I haven't been able to sleep at all, so instead of just laying in bed and ruminating on my thoughts, I'll get up and do something. Even if it's just washing the dishes from the night before or folding some laundry or sorting through some things or something like that.

I really do hope you managed to get your doctor's appointments sorted out though, because you're right, those are really important and I know I definitely don't want you to miss those or not get the help you need and end up sick or in pain. I'm sure you don't too, you know what I mean (hopefully). I just care about you a whole lot and want you to be safe and well and as healthy and happy as possible.

I totally get the feeling like streaming is a chore when you're brain foggy or got some stuff going on. It's partially why I stopped streaming. I really should pick it back up at some point, I wasn't far from having 200 followers and I really enjoyed doing it actually. I think I prefer playing games with people on stream however, because I sometimes don't know what to say when no one's there or no ones talking in the chat lol. I do miss it, because it is fun, maybe I'll do a little one off stream one day. I'll let you know if I do, it'd be nice to see you there if you weren't busy on that day. Doing all the alerts and stuff was probably one of my favourite parts of streaming. I really enjoyed all that and even had an old friend I went to music college with make me some custom alerts. I think I still have them all saved on my OBS and stuff. I will say, I did go back to see your vod the other day but it's gone I think. Idk, I just kinda.. missed your voice. Whatever game you play on stream, it'll be fun. I know it will. I can't wait for more tentacleman and cyberpunk, when you're ready to of course. Please don't rush yourself or force yourself if you're not feeling up to it. I can wait, I'll always wait. Beach House are amazing. I do love them myself. Space Song is my all time favourite song too.

Last Wednesday was incredibly hard. It was such a difficult day for me. At one point I nearly just crumbled to the ground. I did read your post that evening when I got home. And I'm so thankful you posted it/were thinking of me at the time it was all happening. I really really am so grateful and God.. it just really fucking made my heart grow ten times. I really liked it, it made me feel all.. fuzzy or something. Your post really did help me too. I've been reading it over and over again. But's been so hard, E. Doing everything myself for dad. I've had no help from my mum or anyone really. Infact, my mum hasn't spoke to me since her birthday which was 4/5 days before the funeral. She didn't even text me to say she hoped things went well. I think you can see why I'm not really talking to her right now. My friend Sophie came to my dad's funeral with me which I was really grateful. She held my hand the whole way through and kept telling me how well I was doing and how he'd be so proud of me. I really hope he is. I still don't feel like it's real. I feel like it's all a bad dream and I just can't wake up from it. I keep looking at the order of service and the pictures and all his things sitting in my spare bedroom and I just keep thinking to myself "what the fuck?". I think now that everything is said and done, all the formalities are done and (most of) the paperwork and legal stuff is done and now it's all just like.. final.. it's still not sunk in. I still cannot believe that I won't ever hear my dad picking up the phone and saying "Hiya gorgeous" or how he'd always give me a kiss down the phone after saying goodbye before he hung up. My grief is sitting so heavy within me and I am trying so hard to not let it destroy me, but sometimes it's just so hard. I miss him so fucking much. I'll miss him for the rest of my life. I want to live my life for him and have a good one, because that's all he said that he wanted for me. He just wanted me to be happy and have a good life. But I know I'll always be missing a huge part of me, because he won't be there. He's the one person who was always there, no matter what, no matter if we'd argued or fallen out or whatever, if I needed him he was there. He's the one person who's never up and left and never came back. And now he's gone. He's been snatched away from me in such a cruel way and my heart hurts so much when I think of it all. I'm trying so hard to keep going, I really am, but everything just feels so... Hard right now. I'm desperately trying to look forward to going to see Joji next month in London and the little long weekend I have planned down there (I still don't know what I'm doing really apart from the concert, but I may just wing it). I know he would want me to go and enjoy myself and have fun, he wouldn't want me not to go or not to enjoy myself. Like I said, he just wanted me to have a good life and I want to do things for him, if not for myself.

I go back to work next Monday, I was supposed to go back this week and I did technically but.. I think I went back too soon. So I think after this week, I'll be in a much better space mentally to go back. I just need to rest and take time for me, try and process some of all that's happened, at least a little bit. I really hope this letter finds you well, I know it's a little long but I hope it wasn't too much of a boring or long read. I really can't wait to hear from you again soon, E.

I'm gonna put the video of all the bikes that showed up for my dad on the day. It really overwhelmed me, but in a good way. I thought I'd only have 3 or 4. But nope. A tonne showed up. And I have a couple of mine and my dad's friend's to thank for that. I hope you don't think it's weird or strange or anything.. I just.. idk it was nice to see how many people cared about my dad. I'll also show you the flowers. I organised them myself and chose them all. I thought they were really pretty. I'll also show you my nails I had especially done, with his initial and his favourite colour. We all wore yellow for him on the day too.

"But I miss you more each day you're not with me, and just know when I sleep that I'm dreaming of the only place I wanna be.."

[cant-you-be-m1ne-forever]

"A One-sided Conversation of Me and My Lover" (He replies through call but I was to drained out to talk)

.

.

.

I want to die.

I want to die.

I want to die.

Let me die.

Fucking shit this will never end for me right? Am I doing everything wrong?

I can't handle this anymore i swear to God, it hurts do fucking bad.

I'm so tired of my own fucking existence.

Just-

Fucking

Kill me

Already

I don't feel

Fine

Oh I forgot I'm calling

With u

Lmao

Sorry

Huh

I want to die

Js

All

Ye

I hate myself.

Why the fuck my existence is fucking pointless

I'm fucking useless am not i

I can't even process to live like a normal human fucking being

I can't even being able to keep my task done

I can't keep up with the whole world and i just feel like I'm left behind so many times that I even wish for people to please leave me behind

I

Yeah.

And I'm sorry for that.

I can't even help myself and it's pushing me to death because I'm literally in love with a person

And I am so pushed like

I wish to just-

Idk

It would be feral if you literally stop

Caring

But I'd thank for that

Because I'm suicidal lmao

I need a reason to end my whole life

Because idk if anything I'm doing is good enough

I try everything and just fall down again and i am so fucking mad

I'm fucking helpless

I hate life

Yey.

It's stupid

If anyone does then why the fuck am I the one stagnant

I lose all people around

Why?

Am I not good enough?

Idk

I feel like people lying

I can't even trust them saying good words towards me anymore like how come

I don't even know

I'm trying

My brain just

Trying to punch me haha

I lose friends all the time

I hate it

Because I don't have anything to give them except myself

And when I lose them i lose a part of me too

How what?

Idk

I feel stupid

This js reminds me of

When I got no one

It feels so safe

And unsafe at the same time haha

I mean I'm used to it

It's feral, it's terrible

But now I'm

Torturing myself with the thoughts that they probably will leave and I'm the fucking problem again

Because I

Hurt them

Or bother them

Enough

So they

Leave me

Because I deserve it

I just don't trust it

People say

If it happens so many times

Then I'm the problem.

There's just only me who doesn't even know how to maintain a fucking relationship

Like

Fuck friends.

I want friends

But I don't want friends at the same time like WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK IS THE INTENTION IF THEY AREN'T EVEN GOING TO STAY

Like why

Yea

It's so bad

I don't even have stories to tell

Ppl talk abt their lives and it's so fine and mine just ughhhh

Like

Telling them a piece of my trauma and they just fucking LEAVE ME

Why???

Like damn why the fuck appeared at first place

I do have skill issues hhhh

And they can't handle me

Yay.

I know right

No one is perfect but they're just human

Human

Human

Hhh

Why the fuck human

Why the fuck am I living with human

Idk they should kts

Yay

What the actual shit is going on in my head

I don't get it

I don't get a thing

The sounds in my head is too loud

I'm annoyed

It keeps saying that I should

Kms

Hhhh

Hhhhhh the promise.

Yes

I'm talking nonsense

Tro Bếp returned to the room

He tried to reassure me at first but when I start hitting something then he looked at me full of fear

And I was scared too i dropped that immediately and held him and asked if i was scaring him out

But he just looked at me and ran away after sneaking out

Yeah he's back but he's

Js

Hm

Idk if that's what I'm imagining

My brain is shutting down

But it's so painful

I don't know

The feelings

Are

Suffocating

And I

Don't know anymore

I don't know

If it's really fine

I hate my head

I hate myself I hate myself so much why the fuck do I even exist in the first place

If

You never met me

Then your life

Could've been better

Istg

I feel like I'm just making you stagnant

Use Gg translate hhhh

Istg I'm listening to something portray my head lmfao

Idk just part of it

Like listening to something that is

Drawing

A corner of the face

Idk

Idk

Idk

Damn

My head is starting to annoy me

Again

I feel like

I hate human being but without them around i can't handle myself

Without their finest distraction then

I'm going crazy with my head i wish I could chop it off

But it's hard when I just hate myself.

Idk

Eh

That song is literally everything in my head, it's not naturally being one of my favourite song hhhhh

Idk

I want to be a cat

Probably it'd be less hurt to think

At least there won't be someone

Going to grasp me out of nowhere and then destroy me inside out once again and i

Idk

I want to be

Human

But I hate it so much

But I want to feel "human" again

Like when I'm living

When I finally lived

But I

Hm

The head

And I guess that you must feel helpless lmao

It's fine, i can't even help myself

Lmao

Idk

Just feel so

Sometimes my feelings would just crawl in and go furious in there

And I can't differentiate my brain out of my own self

And I hate myself

So much

Idk

I wish the suicidal thoughts would shut up

Yes

I searched it up earlier so it's in the waitlist

Damn tbh ye

And ye

I

Actually

I mean I think everyone does

Crave for attention

And hmmm

Affection

And sh like that

But I look down on myself wanting that

So idk

I'm trying not to want human connection hhhhh

Ye hhhh

Literally

+1 reasons why I hate myself ✨

Because I want connections

Hhhhhhhhh

Idk how come

Aishite aishite aishite

Idk

I wish I could beg them for it idgaf

But I can't mf

It keeps stopping me like prolly if i beg for it I could receive some

But I don't let me do that and God knows why

Probably because mama and papa always said that they loved me so much already

What's the point of begging for more

If they loved me "so much" already

Ỷe

Music

On repeat

Yippe

I feel like just opening my mouth is

Uhhhhh

Kinda

Draining me

I'm just

Tired

I want to

Destroy something

I want to be

Left alone

But idk

I want to be alone

But with you

Idk if that even make senses lmao

Hhhhhh.... I

Oh hmm

Hm

Why would you know-

Hm

But

Hm

Ye

I can hear my dad snoring

Ikr

He returned to the house earlier

Hmmmmm

I guess sometimes

I js wish my parents arent home

So that I could scream it out but like eh...

Like the record

Hm?

And I'll scream?

Hhhhh

Idk i want to hold you like a hostage

Idk keeping you forever and

Idk i start to think of negative shi

Prolly impulsive sh

I mean I start to think what can I do to not letting you jump away but uh-

It's just all

Hm

I don't even want to watch TV

Why the song singing that

But I really want to

Keep you

Even if your silver is my gold but I don't care

Hhhhh i mean

Even if you pay little attention for me, it's still so precious to me

But I don't care

Há?

Wtf

It's the fourth times you say it

Ig

Idk

I js don't feel so

I literally scratched the mirror

Chú Hoàn said I could went into a therapy session with the mirror

It counts

Why

Aw. But I know myself the best

I know how terrible i can get to be because all I can do is

Uh

Repress it

That's what I can do the best

Tro Bếp looks like a cat

How can he be a cat

He is so

Beautiful being a cat

He

Not a she

Lmao he has dick it js

Cut off his balls ig

Ye

That's triệt sản (awhh okay)

But he's a very cute cat

Idk i love him so much

Hm

Idk suddenly I feel like

I can do this my whole life idk

But fr

If i lose him

I don't think another cat can replace him

He can die

And turn into

A human being

I told him

That

If he dies

He can turn back to be human and be my child

I will adopt him

Ye and I'll make him happy

Abt Som

Hmmmmm

Js a cat

Ion really care

He's kinda dumb

Should be a cat for few more lives to learn how to be smart

Hhhhh

But

What if I die before them even...

I actually attempted to kill them

So that I could kms

Bc i didnt know how to force myself to death but I was so fed with my own existence

I know

Like I should js kms not killing them either idk

My head thinks abt negative things again

What if

Idk

I'll find you a med that can delete ur memory

Som is so soft

And he's cleaning himself

After deleting your memory

This can be the last time we

Talk like this.

Nah you wouldn't even know

If you forget me

Then how could you be sad?

I'm js a page of your life

Yes, it's js-

Uhhh not really

Like just deleting it out of your brain cells

I

Uh

Hm

I'm

Thinking about my death again

Portraying it

My funeral also

No no no

Nah

That's not a promise

Why a promise

My parents will yeet u out

Your parents too

Hm but you'll need to open the coffin to do that

It's noisy and problematic

So you don't have to do it

Idk if i want you to grieve for me your whole life or js move on love someone else and live happily.

Hard to choose lmao

Because I want you to be happy

Hm

Delete ur memory?

: D

...awh

Hm

Hmm

I don't know

I love you but I don't want you to

Be sad

If i

Idk

I'll try to at least live until October as I promised

I know

We have 1 yearrrr

And

Hm

If we're still tgt until that moment then prolly a new contract would be made

Your happiness is so simple

Ig mine could be but hm

Why can't I feel it

I want to feel it

Try again

It has been so long

I'm so

Greedy

I'm so jealous of

Other ppl

Hmmm

It's fine even if you can't

I received so many things already

Hm

Then you would be even more important in my life

That would be pressurizing

I think so

Because normally ppl can't get to this extent so I'm not sure

Ppl usually gave up

I know hmmmm

You know the meaning of "never"

It's "never"

Hm

How come it became "yourself"

It's js me

The rage

Slowed down

Ig

It'll come back another day

And start annoying me again

Hmmmm

I start to miss the record i did

Me js flat out screaming hhhh

The only time I could do it

Normally

I want to do it so much

Ye

Hhhh...

It's fine but well my head starts to be blurry idk

I feel things

Unreal things

Yeah at "home"

Damn the deep cuts start to feel itchy

Thanks-? I don't even know if that place exist

I

Uh

I'll try

Hmmm

Hm

Ye living with me is a pain in the ass ngl i have issues keeping up with tasks

All I know is myself

I mean, works, and me myself and you and all the tasks? All the chores and sh

Y'know at my house I've been stop doing all the chores bc i js can't do it and i run out of home bc i kinda am scared of doing that

Hm

I don't want to

Also feel

Terrible doing it

Out of energy

And traumatized also

I know but I feel guilty

🥲 my sanitary at living place is a whole big problem

Idk that's why I said I'll try to go make money to hire ppl to do chores and sh cleaning meow meow shit and like that

Awh but if I make enough money lmao

Idk how to balance it

:') yeah it's fine

Uhhh

Hmmm

Idk it sounds tiring

Damn

It sounds kinda way too positive

What

I mean I'm going to "sống trong nhung lụa" in its most literal way

Lmao

Fabrics and shit aaaaagh

I'm not good at making money

Istg

It could be just

Luck

I have communication issues

And fashion burns money istg fuckkk

Chú Hoàn said

It can be a few more years

Then I'll be js fine

I'm kinda avant-garde

So it's even more expensive

Because you see my designs

Extras and add-ons and sh

It's not simple and..idk

And idk my skills has issues

Idk if i should follow avant-garde or haute-couture

Hm

I know but I have to count my career for now otherwise I'll die

Yes I'll be so died ngl

My neck is

Itchyyyyy

Aaaagh

I'm mad

I need to

Scratch it

😡

Hmph

Hmph

Hm

Hmph );(

Alright

Ahgkkdkgkd but awh js-

It's healing

I mean hmmmm

Som is so soft

And anh cứ đạp phải nó ý

Tại nó nằm ngay chân anh

K giường bé mà

Ngày trc đâu có đạp ph nó

Nó ngu từ bé r

Ý là về nhà đc năm ngày kẹt cmn trên cái rèm phòng khách

Kẹt trên chỗ

Treo rèm ý

K xuống đc

Nó tự leo luôn

Xong gào ầm lên, bế xuống xong lúc sau lại thấy lên r gào tiếp

Ưtf

:))) anyways he's js

Kinda dumb

But he's a cat so i forgive it

Yippe

He's literally

Still a cat

And every cats is my

Child 🫶

Tro bếp is not

He's so cute and smart and cute and everything bling bling

Hhhhhhhh

Y e

I don't even get to deny that fr

Há? Why I don't even see a reason why I js hhhhuh?

I see the mirror

But I'm

Hmmm

Idk i js realized i fr can't js accept my

Uh

Uh

Vessel

Yey

Found a word

No I mean even my soul i js find it all so annoying

And hmmmm looking in the mirror rn making me fr insist it ahhhh

I gotta throw Som onto the pillow

He

Hm

He

Tóm lại là nó

Cản đường di chuyển tự do của chân t

Bạn buồn ngủ k

Bâyh 1h r

K

Nhma

Chắc k thế

K bngu lắm

H nhắm mắt vào xong là lại series ác mộng hhh

Nhma mơ ác mộng ngủ ngon hơn

Mơ đẹp dậy nhiều vl

Sảd i wish I could js accept those pretty dreams

I mean

Đợt này ngủ ngon k mơ gì

Yippe

Nhma nay chắc có mơ

Hqua cũng mơ

Mơ gì ý nhỉ

Mơ

Đại khái là thế

Hnhu

Có m

:0

Kiểu k nhớ lắm nhưng cũng dễ chịu

:0

Okay-

Hmmmm

Are u real

Hm

You

Guess

Idk

Bc me too

Idk how's my player doing

Nah they can't js make an npc having this miserable life js for nothing lmao

Js make it to let them kts

Ye

Bastards should js kts

Hm

Som is still soft and he returned to his old place and now my feet is on him

Poor lil guy but idc lmao.

Idk i feel like js keeping silent with you is good enough

It's comfortable

Like I don't need to talk all the time

Even the silence mean smt

Hmmmm

I think I should let u sleep but

May I ask

One question

Idk if you going to stay up a lil more then can we js keep the call for a lil while and I'll try to sleep rq and you can turn it off after?

Lmao

L m a o

But that's really fine to you right?

Hmmm

So ye

Love you

See you after 2 days ig

Long time asf aaaagh

And good night ig-

I love you

Cya?

Ur parents okay then

I'll stop sharing s

[areyouafraid]

I hope it doesnt seem like its defeating the point to bitch about it on a public forum but like ughhhh like. as someone who struggles with suicidal ideation dont take this as me saying you should never talk to your friends about how youre feeing / youre a bad person if you ask for help but also like thats also not really what it was. Looking back i do genuinely believe it was facetious i do believe she was lying about hurting herself so i would feel bad for her its not out of the realm of possibility that she was seriously depressed or had some kind of mental illness but like. Its just not what people who are suicidal typically do. i would be having a good day for once and like keep in mind i have my own fucking problems at this point in time too and she would just randomly message me like DALLAS DALLAS IM GOING TO KILL MYSELF!!!! IM GOING TO KILL MYSELF RIGHT NOW IM SERIOUS!!!! i genuinely believe in my heart of hearts she only did it to get compliments & sympathy out of me. I would cry like i seriously thought this crazy bat was my friend and i got so scared she would kill herself. Of course she never did or all her Very Real Suicide Attempts that Definitely Happened that she made sure to tell me about would miraculously fail almost as through divine intervention. and it did make me feel like a fucking monster when i started to feel apprehensive about getting messages from her and sometimes i would even DARE to just ignore her and pretend i didnt get her 5th breakdown of the month and be like Oh i was sleeping sorry. No i really want to talk you out of this again like my life would be horrible without you in it