#ugh I hate this miserable piece of shit

[mugiwara-lucy]

Fucking wow.

It’s only been six days and not only has Shitbreak revoked the EEO but now the Airforce isn’t allowed to learn about Tuskegee Airmen?

When they said “Make America Great Again” they meant “Make America Great For RICH CHRISTIAN WHITE MEN”.

And I hear they’re trying to remove Black Historu Month as well as Juneteenth. (And Asian and Hispanic Month are DEFINITELY on the chopping block as well).

When you hear someone say they voted for Shitbreak for “the economy, gas or groceries”, tell them to shut up. It was ALL ABOUT the racism, the misogyny and the cruelty.

Just a reminder when people like the Couch Fucker or the Heritage Foundation say they want a “Christian Nation”, this is a reminder that they mean they want a White Christian Euro State.

[hatake]

.

[sadstrever]

ok i’m sorry i contemplated not posting this because it’s almost meanspo so just don’t read it if ur triggered. it’s also just bad advice, don’t starve yourself and don’t be an (vodka) alcoholic.please recover love you i guess

first off i wanna preface this by saying FUCK YOUUUUU. if ur a little fat baby piggy no friends bitch i don’t want ur advice or opinions on my alcohol consumption while i fast😭😋!!! i’ve lost like 40lbs since i’ve started being an alcoholic and it’s had absolutely no impact on my weight, cuz just to irritate for the 100th time on this account: I NEVER EAT HOE! anwyays sorry maybe i’m just too drunk but that really pissed me the fuck off. like GOD OKAY RUIN THAT FOR ME TOO. like ok i never get any calories in except for alc but sure fuck it yk, because YOU said that alc has calories(you don’t think i know that bro?) i’m just gonna suddenly stop being an alcoholic. and now i just feel like shit because i consume calories from alc and someone thinks thats a “judgey” thing to say to me. now i feel fat so thank you. like if i could stop drinking that easily i WOULD and if i could start eating without gaining weight every time i do I WOULD. ur so dumb. ugh. i hate myself i’m sorry i’m so mean i love you people and i hope ur healthy and happy. i just need to put my anger out on someone lol. BUT also genuinely liek you guys do piss me off tho cuz you think it’s some crazy impressive thing to not eat for a week or eat like a grape a day…like guys… it gets worse and you will see and you’re gonna hate ur life. if ur ed is at that point PLEASE RECOVER AND RECONSIDER IT GWTS SO MUCH WORSE UGH. AND NO ONES GONNA LISTEN BECAUSE I DIDNT EITHER. i want to save you guys so bad. like i hate that people still get to romanticize it without all the pain and suffering every single waking moment of the day. also i’m officially underweight so someone send me a 0 calorie cake in the mail😝🙏

anyways this is somehow too related and will sound so fake but i swear on my whole life and my mamas and my brothers and my papas this is a TRUE STORY!!! i saw an old friend today and the first thing they said was “oh my god you lost so much weight” “like ur arms, face, whole body damn” BASICALLY LIKE THAT OBVIOUSLY I DONT REMEMBER WORD FOR WORD. but bro i have never felt so fucking seen in my life. like finally someone besides my family or best friend noticed my weight loss damn. AND SHE ASKED IF SHE SHOULD BE WORRIED FUCKKKKK. like no you shouldn’t cuz i’m never gonna get better but like fuck thank you bro. no one comments on people’s weight anymore and it pisses me offfff like i know it’s rude but i needed that comment to make me wanna keep starving!

am i a piece of shit? like genuinely did the eating disorder make me a horrible evil miserable person? i have this thought that even if somehow i recover physically(i pray to god i never get fat[by my standards] again ) that i’ll never recover mentally. i’ll always have this fucked up judgement of right and wrong that revolves around the stupid idea of being thinner. does it even matter? no. no it doesn’t. but it’s my whole world. my whole world is how skinny i am and it’s so tiring. the highlight of my day was being called worryingly skinny by an old friend who doesn’t care if i live or die. the second highlight of my day was the fact that i got 28k steps and burning 800 calories at the gym and bought another bottle. i’m tired of being a bad person. im tired of being annoying and stupid and dumb. such a fuckup. i’m sorry if i’m a bad person and you had to read this and feel like shit because you had to sit through reading my awful terrible judgment and thoughts.

LAST POINT:

tomorrow i have to eat my first meal in months(for real this time) and i am so scared and upset. it’s like a piece of myself dies everytime i eat. without starvation i am nothing. i am a shell of a person and when i eat i just become a shell that feels fat. i’m gonna take laxatives obviously and do some workouts but it’s never enough. i’m gonna make sure the meal that i’m forced to eat is as low calorie as possible because i’ll be drinking alcohol too and APPARENTLY i should just kill myself because it’s a crime to still be an alcoholic when you’re starving yourself.

also alcohol most likely won’t make you gain weight unless it’s beer or seltzers and it especially won’t if ur always drinking on an empty stomach. vodka on an empty(for months) stomach plus working out excessively won’t make yoh gain weight. shut up shut up shut up shut THE FUCK up you bitches piss me off.

FUCK YOU.

[dreamofbecoming]

yeah alright this got away from me. posting in pieces, part one is just stobin, no shippy stuff. steddie and rockie to follow. i'll drop it on ao3 once all 3 parts are done

now on ao3!

platonic stobin

rating: t

wc: 3.5k

---

Robin stopped being surprised by Steve Harrington showing up at her bedroom window months ago. Jesus, there's a sentence her 16 year old self wouldn't fucking believe for a second. The Hair, climbing up the trellis her dad built for the roses her mom planted and then forgot about three months later? Yeah right, as if. But it turns out alternate dimensions and sci-fi movie monsters and Russian conspiracies in Bumfuck, Nowhere, USA are all real, so how surprising really is The King himself, collapsing through her window with all the grace of a baby giraffe, out of breath like he- holy shit, did he fucking run here?

"Dingus, did you run here? What the hell?"

"Had to- hang on, Jesus. Holy shit." He bends over, hands on his knees, panting like he just ran a marathon. Which, she guesses, he almost did.

"You have a car, you lunatic, what could possibly be so important?"

"Didn't think about it. Had to get here."

"Is someone dead?!" Oh fuck, Is the Upside Down back? Oh shit, oh no, it can't be back, right? Superhero girl closed the gates! Right?! Oh god, oh no, oh fuck, it's back, the Russians are back, they realized they couldn't let her live after what she's seen, her parents will never even know what happened to her, and they'll kill Dingus too, and dorky little Henderson, and that menace Erica, oh god, they're gonna die, and Hopper's gone and superhero girl is far away and she doesn't have superpowers anymore anyway, which is frankly bogus because what the hell, Robin never even got to hang out with a real live magic person before, which, ok, that's a selfish thought, but that's ok, we can think selfish thoughts and then set them aside and not act on them, thoughts are not actions, thoughts happen all the time without our consent, they don't determine our character-

"Bobs, you're spiraling. Nothing bad happened, I just realized something and I freaked out and I had to talk to you right away. Forgot to call. Sorry, I should have called. Ran straight out of the house. I don't even think my shoes match, what the fuck?"

She's gonna kill him, she really is.

She loves him so much.

"Jesus, you're insane. Sit, you absolute dweeb. I'm getting you some water, when I get back you can tell me what the hell is going on."

He's sitting on her bed when she gets back upstairs, staring at something in his hands. Christ, his hands are shaking. What the fuck, Dingus?

He takes the water and downs it in one go- ugh, sports guys- then flops onto his back and covers his eyes with a miserable groan.

"I know we've got the whole twin telepathy thing going on, bubba, but I'm gonna need at least a little bit to work with here. Give me something. Is it your parents? The kids? Uh, what was her name? From Thursday? Janice?"

"Janine, and no. Ugh. Here." The arm not covering his eyes flops out towards her, holding- ah. A zine. He had promised to drive up to Indy last weekend to the secret bookshop she told him about and get her some new ones, even though she couldn't go with him because her cousin Randy got caught cheating on his fiancée and her parents made her come with the rest of the family to help him move. Fucking Randy. Maybe he should make better choices, so the rest of them wouldn't have to clean up his messes. Jerk.

Anyway.

"Marked the page." Which, yep, there's a purple paper clip stuck to a page near the middle, because Steve knows how much she hates people who dogear books, even books that aren't really books at all, so he's been training himself out of it, because he's sort of the best. Again, 16 year old Robin would have her committed for thinking that, but here we are.

The pamphlet isn't one of the periodicals she sent him for, so he must have picked it up on his own. It looks handmade, just some folded sheets that look like they came out of a typewriter, bound with the kind of twine you can buy at the hardware store. It's called Awakenings. The page he's marked looks like a personal essay, no title, no real signature, just a pair of initials at the end of the page and a half of writing. She starts reading, trying to figure out what the hell spooked Steve so bad.

"I've always been normal. I've always had crushes on men, just like the other girls. There was never a feeling of "I'm different," or "Oh, this is wrong." There was never anything to think very hard about. I'd giggle and blush when the boys looked over at us on the playground, same as everyone else. Later on when I was older I looked at my poster of Harrison Ford, shirtless and hairy and sweating, and I touched myself, and it felt good, just like it was supposed to. I didn't mind thinking of my future husband, and our future kids, and the pretty house with the pretty garden we'd have, just like my parents have, just like they wanted for me. I was normal. Everything was fine.

I thought everything about me was normal. So I didn't understand why the other girls at sleepover parties would giggle and stop and say "Ew, gross!" when we practiced kissing. It felt nice! I wanted to keep going! But it seemed like no one else did. I didn't understand why none of them talked about getting butterflies in their stomach when Laura, who was the most beautiful girl I'd ever seen, transferred in our senior year, why they seemed so angry at her. Those butterflies were what jealousy felt like, right? So why did the other girls seem to feel so different?

I made my first lesbian friend in college, on the very first day, right across the hall in my dorm. We sat next to each other at Orientation and I thought I'd never have another best friend that wonderful in my whole life, so I'd hold on to her with everything I had. She came out to me the night before Christmas break, hiding under the blankets in my dorm room with the twinkling lights glowing. She was so scared. I held her and told her I loved her no matter what, and she seemed so glad, to have someone to talk to.

When she talked about falling in love with girls, I was so confused. The way she described it sounded like what it felt like to have girlfriends, I was sure. I felt that all the time. I asked her if she was sure she was gay, and she looked so shocked and angry and hurt, and I didn't know how to fix it, so I tried to explain. That what she felt couldn't be liking girls, because I felt that too, and I was normal. I liked boys, so I couldn't be gay. I couldn't be.

I'm glad it was her I said all that to. If someone else had told me about being bisexual, I think I would have hated them. I would have cried, and screamed, and said horrible things. Because I wasn't gay, I was normal, and it was so scary to think that might be a lie. Thank God it was her, my best friend in the world, who I never want to lose. Thank God I listened.

Because I'm not normal. I'm queer. I like men, and I like women. I can love them both the same, but it doesn't matter anymore, because I love her. I love her, and she loves me, and I don't need to be normal anymore."

Robin's face feels wet, which probably means she's crying. She cries a lot, reading these sorts of stories, in the zines she has to keep hidden under her bed, or, these days, at Steve's house. It's never going to be her, she knows. Not here in Hawkins, but it still makes something ache deep inside her, like pressing on a bruise, but in a good way, seeing love happen to other people. People like her. Seeing that it can.

"So?"

Oh shit. Right, Dingus. They're about him right now. Something about this essay in particular freaked him out.

"Uh. It's. A nice essay? I'm glad things worked out for them?"

Stevie lets out a pathetic whine, sort of like back at Scoops when he earned a particularly bad tally on the You Suck board. "Robbiiiiiiieeeee!"

"I'm sorry! I think I'm missing something, what's wrong with this essay? I don't get it, bubba, I'm sorry. I need some context." She does feel bad. Usually she can pluck whatever's bothering him right out of his brain and into the light, where it almost never looks as bad, but she's at a loss right now.

He's got both hands over his face again, and his response is so muffled she can't make out a word.

"Try again in human sounds, please."

"Ugh! I thought everyone felt like that!"

Huh? "Felt like...what, exactly?"

"Like that!" He flails wildly at the pamphlet in her hands. He's sitting up now, hair all askew from tugging at it, and there's a vaguely worrying crazed look in his eye, like right before he tackled that guard. "Like kissing boys and girls both feel nice, and like seeing a handsome guy and feeling jealous of him makes my stomach flutter, and like having friends feels the same as having crushes! I thought that was just how everyone felt all the time!"

Oh.

Oh.

Oh no.

Poor Dingus! No wonder he panicked and ran here like a crazy person!

"Stevie, can I hug you? Please?" She's not much for physical touch most of the time, but Steve is, and also she's found in the last few months that she doesn't mind so much when it's him. She sort of understands why other people like hugs so much, if they always feel like hugging Steve feels for her. And she really thinks he needs to be hugged, right now.

He nods miserably. She drapes her arms around his shoulders and holds on as tight as she can, hauling him sideways until he's practically laying down on her. He clutches her back and buries his face in her shoulder. She can feel her neck getting wet with tears, a sensation that would normally make her want to claw off her own skin, but this isn't about her. Dingus needs her.

"It's ok, bubba. I'm so sorry. I know how scary this is. When I first figured out I had a crush on Linda Sanderson I cried so hard I threw up, you know? I get it. It's gonna be ok, I promise. We'll make it ok. We faced down evil Russians and giant meat monsters, what's a little sexuality crisis, huh? We got this! We're the goddamn Wonder Twins!"

He snorts at that, which she's pretty sure leaves snot on her neck, which. Ew. Still. Problems for Later Robin.

"We are not, Will and El are the Wonder Twins."

"Uh, nope, no chance, I barely even met them so therefore I am vetoing their application. Sorry kiddos, better luck next time! Find your own nickname, losers!"

Steve sits back, laughing, and she preens a little at being able to bring him back from the brink so easily. She loves him so much she feels like she's glowing with it, sometimes. It almost makes her wish she was straight, because what girl is she ever going to find who loves her this much? But only almost, because. Well. Girls, amiright? Phew.

"So what now, Stevie? You wanna say it out loud? That helps, sometimes. You wanna not say it out loud? You wanna go to a gay bar and find you a boy? You wanna never think about it again? It's totally your call."

"Say it out loud, huh?"

"Hm. It took me like a month, and then the first time I could only say it sitting in the back of my closet with the bedroom door locked and the closet door closed, and I could only whisper it. Just "I'm a lesbian," to myself, like the world's most ironic little goblin. And I had to throw up again after. But it did feel good, once I rinsed my mouth out, anyway. Cleansing, you know? And it gets easier every time." Steve's eyebrows are raised and he's chuckling again, so that's a win. She's not lying, but it is sort of funny, she supposes. In hindsight, anyway.

"Ok. Ok, I can do that. I think. Yeah, I can do that."

She's so proud of him. He's the bravest person she's ever met, she thinks. "You wanna get in the closet?"

"Isn't the whole point to come out of the closet, Robs?" He's smirking at her. Bastard. She whacks him in the shoulder on principle. He may be having a crisis, but he's still a jackass. Her favorite jackass in the whole world, but still.

"Har har, you're a regular Bob Hope. Alright then, bigshot, let's hear it."

A little of that fear creeps back onto his face, and she wishes she could wipe it off, but that's not how this works. They can't make the scary things less scary. He couldn't make the Russians less terrifying, but he could hold her hand and make her laugh and carry some of that fear with her. She can do that for him now, too.

She grabs his hand, and he clutches back tightly. He takes a deep breath.

"I'm...fuck. Ok. Ok, I can do this. I'm...bisexual." The air leaves him in a big whoosh, and he laughs a little. "Yeah, ok, fuck. I'm bisexual. Holy shit, Robbie, I'm bisexual!"

"Hell yeah you are!" She's grinning so hard her cheeks hurt. She's so fucking proud of him.

He's laughing again, a little hysterically, and he hugs her tight again, and she holds him back just as close and thinks oh, he's like me. I'm not alone. I have Steve, and he's like me, and he's mine forever and ever.

When they separate, she looks at him seriously.

"So do you, like, want this to be a thing? Because we can totally make it a thing, and like, get me a fake ID and go to a gay bar and do all kinds of wild shit if you want, but we don't have to, you know? If you need to just, like. Digest this, for a while. It's totally up to you, I just know it took me a while to feel ok with it, and I have no idea if it's different for you but I just want to be what you need, you know? You've been so good with me, and I've never had a queer friend before, so I don't know how, but I want to be just as good to you. You're my Dingus and I love you and I don't know how much of a gay guru I can be on account of, you know, I've never met any gay people besides me and the pretty lady at the bookstore but I couldn't even get real human words to come out of my mouth when I tried to talk to her so I don't think that counts, you know? But I still wanna help! Let me help!"

"Bobbie! Bobbie breathe, you're gonna pass out. I don't think I need a gay guru, I just need a gay best friend, and I have that, so I promise I'm good, ok? Promise. Also I love you too.”

She takes a deep breath, following his lead the way they worked out in the horrible days after Starcourt, when she couldn't sleep without him next to her, warm and alive and breathing, and even then she would wake up in the night with her breath coming short and her vision tunneling and Steve would hold her hand against his chest and breathe slowly, in and out, until she could follow him, and the world wasn't so terrible and scary and loud anymore.

She still thinks about that awful hour underground, thinking she was strapped to the corpse of a boy she never let become her friend, but Steve is always there now when she needs him, and he never complains when she grabs his wrist or puts her head on his chest to make absolutely sure that big, stupid heart is still beating.

When she's breathing normally again, he drops their joined hands down between them, toying idly with the chain linking her ring to her bracelet. "I think...I think I'm glad I said it, and I'm glad we talked about it, but can we maybe just...put it away, for a while? Like it's not...ugh. I guess this is kind of shitty to say, so like, hit me if you want, I guess, but I kind of don't think it matters right now?"

"No no, that makes perfect sense! Like, you still like girls, right?" He nods. "And you don't like. Have a crush on any boys right now. Or do you? Oh man if you do you have to tell me though, it's platonic soulmate law. It's in the bylaws, Steve, don't make me soulmate fine you!"

He laughs and shoves her face away. "Jesus, Rob, no! I don't have a crush on any guys, who would I even crush on in this town? We're not exactly swimming in eligible bachelors. I don't have a crush on anybody at all, I'd tell you, I swear. I know the rules!"

"Oh phew, good. You have to tell me when you do, though, I'm way excited to get you back for making fun of Tammy."

"It was the God's honest truth, Bobbie! She sings like a muppet!"

"Oh my god, shut up, Dingus! Ugh! As I was saying, you super duper have to tell me when you do, but for now, I think maybe you don't have to think about it really at all if you don't want. I mean, practically speaking, it's not really relevant to your everyday life, so we can totally revisit when that changes, but you don't have to like. Join a pride parade tomorrow, you know? You are you who are no matter what. You don't have to prove anything to anyone, especially not to me, not ever."

He leans his head on her shoulder, and she scritches her nails through his hair. It really has no right being as soft as it is, with the amount of hairspray he uses. It's frankly rude, is what it is.

"Thanks, Bobs. I think I'm just gonna put it away for now. It just...another thing to know about me, you know? Like, I'm bad at fighting people but good at fighting monsters, all my best friends are kids except you, I'm bi but it doesn't matter because there aren't any boys to date in Hawkins anyway. Plus my dad would kill me if he found out. Like actually kill me, not "oh geez I missed curfew, my dad's gonna kill me" type kill me, like I think he'd actually try and beat me to death. So there's really no reason to talk about it right now, you know?"

There's a pit of ice in her stomach, and she tightens her arm around him like she can keep him safe just by holding on tight enough. She hates how casually he said that, just like she hates how casually he always talks about how his parents treat him, like he honestly believes it's normal. "Jesus, Dingus. You know you can come here if you need, right? My parents love you, they already think we're getting married. They'd make you sleep in the guest room, but I could sneak you in here easy."

He snorts again. "We're totally gonna end up married for tax reasons anyway, we're never beating the rumors." That makes her snort, too. He's not wrong, though. She isn't going to be allowed to have a wife anytime soon, and if she has to choose someone to be her next of kin, it's always gonna be him. They're planning to move in together when she goes to school next year anyway. No one is ever gonna believe them that they aren't dating, but that's...fine. Honestly, there are worse things. Better to have Steve by her side than not, and if no one else understands them, well, they understand each other, don't they? That's more than enough.

"Yeah, I know I can come here if I need, Robs. It's fine mostly, I swear. They're not home until Christmas anyway."

He takes another deep breath, like he's settling himself. "I'm just glad we talked about it. I feel better now."

She cards her fingers through his hair again, basking in the feeling of her favorite person so close, and so content. "I'm glad, Dingus."

They're alive, and they're together, and they're queer, and neither of them is ever going to have to be alone again.

"Hang on, did you say you've kissed girls and boys?!"

part 2 part 3

[shreddeddescent]

family tree? more like family hoola hoop. family box. family time machine. help

SAJKDHJKHAS NO ACTUALLY ACTUALLY THO hold on. i will show you this piece of 'leo gets too fucking high and spirals over the fucking shit and kirby followed him to sit with him while he comes down' thing i wrote. because leo also makes this joke.

“God I’m too high… why are we finally talking when I’m high? This is a bad first impression…”

“You’re making a fine impression, don’t worry..” Kirby wiped his own eyes.

“Why did you take so long to talk to me..? We… we went back to the room and figured it out, everybody chatted with you guys but me… I thought you must have hated me..”

“Oh… I’m sorry it felt like that. It was… ugh. Jenny’s fault, she wasn’t supposed to get spotted. Then things kept going wrong. I guess it worked out, cuz you figured it out, I felt bad cuz Raph looked fucking… miserable when he realized. But it wasn’t gonna be good to do it in public, you know..? We were just tracking. Trying to be stealthy. Did a bad job. I only avoided you cuz I knew you’d try and kick my ass, even if Raph told you not to.”

He snorted. “You’re probably right… Still. Rude not to let me get in on the drama before it happened.”

“Tch, are you kidding? My sisters kept jumping in and making shit worse. We had.. some kind of plan. They just got distracted.”

“Ugh, you are my son aren’t you… so sorry, that’s your curse now.”

He laughed loudly and shook his head. “It’s fine, I love them..”

Leo took a deep breath and blew it out. He stared up at the stars again.

“So. Why did you guys like… travel to this time or dimension or whatever? Just for us? Or something else?”

“For you. I dunno how much of it you’ll get right now cuz you're way too high to get it, wanna keep my explanation clear. We’re here cuz we wanna be. We’re here cuz we love you, even if that makes no sense. We’re not here looking to get revenge on parents who abandoned us, we’re here to see if you guys need help. Cuz knowing how you grew up, comparing it to ourselves… we feel bad. And we feel like adults who can help. We feel like you’re more like.. little brothers. If that’s okay.”

“Raph said you felt like a dad. Like a real dad. He barely knows what that’s like, you know that I’m sure.” Leo blurted out of nowhere and looked over at him.

Kirby looked surprised to hear that. He looked down at himself.

“Huh… I guess I did say I was to the creep. Just kinda felt like the best thing to say in the moment…” he scratched his chin.

“Does that bother you?” Leo asked. He was worried he’d said one of Raph’s secrets he wasn’t supposed to.

“No… I don’t think it does. I mean… obviously it’s wrong, cuz it’s the opposite. But… you guys have literally never had a dad.”

“Have you?”

He looked back over. “Oh. Yeah, uh, Draxum raised us. He wasn’t the best as babies, but he turned it around. He’s not like the worlds best dad, but we were loved. We turned out okay. Took a while, but I do actually know how dads are supposed to work.”

Leo frowned and looked back at the pool. That felt unfair for some reason. He would never ever know the unconditional love of a father. It didn’t feel fair that his son who’d been whisked away out from under him got some kind of stable home. Why couldn’t he have had that? Why was he fucking traumatized and scared of rooftops and booming voices and being forced to rape his brother?

Kirby reached his hand out again.

Leo eyed it and took it.

“If you guys need someone to be a dad, I… I think I could be that. If that was what you wanted.”

Leo took a deep breath.

“You don’t have to. It’s just.. the vibe you gave off. Maybe it was the fucking trunks you had on. You had very big dad energy.”

He laughed and squeezed his hand.

“You really use humour to shy away from emotional honesty doncha?”

“Ugh.. you know my big secret. I can die now.”

Kirby rolled his eyes and laughed.

“I don’t know exactly what you need, Leo. But I think I’m willing to try and help with anything. Maybe it sounds dumb, maybe it’s some selfish desire to reconnect with a family I felt separated from, but we wanna be here. I wanna help you. If you want it.”

“You get that sounds crazy no matter what, right? You wanna.. jump through time or whatever, put yourselves in the timeline of your parents and raise them? You your own grandpa, Kirby?”

He leaned over and flicked Leo in the head.

Leo laughed and hummed. “Yeah. You already fit in. I could see it.”

Kirby rubbed the back of his hand with his thumb.

“You okay now Leo?”

“Still quite high. Not sure when it’s coming down. Might be a while.”

“You cool if I just sit with you while you do?”

Leo looked over at him and smiled. “Yeah… I’d like that. Just don’t judge me if I say anything too stupid.”

“You’ve said plenty stupid already and I’m still not judging.”

“Thanks DAD…” he mumbled as he stared up at the stars.

And Kirby just laughed warmly beside him.

[mydysfunctionalvampirefamily]

The beginning of the end. 😭 I'm not ready!

It's interesting what time can do. In the two weeks it has been since the last episode any sadness or horror I felt over Miles draining that human has disappeared and all thsts left is the eh it kind of had to happen, he was at 0 blood and that it was kind of hot.

At least we get Ira back!! That makes me feel a little better immediately.

I don't know who this woman is but we are at a point where I cannot distinguish npcs I should know from those I have no business knowing.

Ira caring about all the apprentices and mortals who did nothing wrong. He might actually be too pure for this world.

Britta: Don't be mad at me about it! 😂 Genuinely made me giggle out loud. Absolute perfection.

The fact that Miles says it's most important to protect both Eden and Jessica. I know it's delusional but it made my little shipper heart go awww.

😂😂😂 When you have to be dads the end of the world becauce the rest of your coterie has lost their shit. I'm glad we can still laugh in all this horribleness.

OH MY GOD!!!!

Out of all the things that could happen, Wynn asking to complete the bloodbond when the world ends was not on my bingo card.

Oh my God!!! The fake out?!?! Miles! 😭 "You won't forgive me. I made some choices." don't play with my emotions like this. I didn't come here to fucking cry! I came for a badass fight.

Poor angry, hurt Wynn.

Johnny nodding in approval at Miles because he thinks it's judt about the bloodbond, and Miles feeling horrible, because he knows Johnny wouldn't be sitting there next to him if he knew the real reason.

Uhm mm mm what???? No not only the fucking play but the stupid Mushroom fungus is also there and involved??? Fuck me. Each time when I think shit can't get any worse.

Fuck you Nara. Go love somebody else, you piece of fucking shit.

Wait do we want to complete the ritual? I mean, I guess we do aparently.

Fuck yes Neil!! Finally stand up for yourself, accept that you being you is a good thing. We need you.

Lmaooo courage roll, good luck Neil. Peer pressure peer pressure pressure peer pressure. Is this the first courage check Neil ever passed in his life?

Omg of course his sire would have made himself the king. Good god can his ego get any bigger?

Uhmmm Lex this is not the time to describe to Johnny how sweet and delicious his daughter's blood smells.

The gang is back together!!! Or well the podcasters from this world are back together in that world.

Jessica has so much of Johnny in her. The obstinate sass, it's beautiful.

Wait. Is Tenach (???) from the TMR? (you wot trick me in spelling that after I've seen people using this abbreviation).

Lmao you hate this girl Miles. Wait what??? He has to roll willpower not to immediately kill her?? What the fuck?? This is rough. Thank god Miles is willfull. He wants to diablerise Arrabella? At some point that fact would have been so stressful, now it just makes me laugh.

Lmao Eden can heal the girls??? They're fucking lucky she's there or stuff would have gone real crazy and bad.

Johnny all happy and proud seeing his girls hug, and then turning to Miles who goes full *hiss* the light it hurts me, clutching Arrabella.

I wanna give Miles a hug, not wanting to tell his friends what he has done because he knows this will be the last battle anyway and he wants to feel their love for as long as he possibly can if he is going to die tonight anyways. So selfish, so human.

Lmao we're going to babybjorning someone at last? I'm sad it's not gonna be Neil, but I'm glad it's at least someone.

Oh never mind, it's not gonna happen.

Yippie! Werewolves!

I'm a little sad Miles is not just gonna eat Arrabella, but I guess reviving is fine.

Lmaoooo squeezing his ass. Oh man I miss how funny and selfish Arrabella is.

"I'm going to do this right, because I'm going to do a lot of things wrong."

Ugh! The idea of Miles and Arrabella skipping into the sunset upsets me so much more than Miles dying or ending up alone and miserable.

I still have no idea what's going on with Malkav.

Nooo he failed? Goddamn I wanted to know this ritual, even if I don't know what it does exactly.

Wait so Neil is just gonna die by gross flesh monsters? Oh nvm!

Ohhh week of nightmares!

Okay so salvation and damnation. Is Neil asking for his friends to live somehow? 😭Oh Neil baby, let me hug you!

No! His stupid sire?!? Why is he such a ruiner? A RUINER!!!!

Johnny and Miles smoking a cigarette together.

Even now he cannot outright say it to Johnny.

Miles still after all of this choosing hope, that protecting Eden might save some people.

"If we're ever gonna do anything right, if -I- am ever gonna do anything right, you guys have done plenty." Miles!! 😭

"Whatever you did, friends to the end." stop😭

Of course she misses Neil. 😭 He would be there, like he wanted to.

Awww another smoking scene. Ira is such a good guy. Can't get over it. He probably rues the day he met the coterie. 😂

Awww Britta that is such a sweet thing to say. About wanting to spend your worst moments with the coterie.

Goddamn this was super sweet. 😭

Okay yes Tenach is from the TMR confirmed.

Wait who is she talking about? Ghost with a lantern?

Romeo has found his path? What does that mean? Has he moved on?

The anticipation of waiting and watching these three guys spray painting. Knowing these are the last moments before it goes crazy.

SHE CAUGHT THE ROCKET?!?! That is crazy. But somehow as it explodes in her hand the best outcome? Lol.

Fucking Neil!!! Roll good my dude!!! YESSSS SASS FUCK YOU STUPID SIRE! Neil is king.

The amount of concentration I must muster to understand Malkav is high. My fault for listening today when my brain is fried.

Noooooo not the sire again!!! Goddamnit. He's like that chicken that got it's head cut off but lived for like another year and a half.

NOOOOOOOOOO goddamn 6 successes. Whyyyyyyy.

Ohhhh we are in Neil's blackout. That's interesting.

Come on Neil! You can do it! Yessss!!!! Fucking hell, so stressed!!!

Oh no! The fleshy flesh has gotten Neil. That's it, isn't it. It's done.

He wishes for the end? What does that mean.??

Okay so they need to win this fight? Okay that's all fine and good, but we already knew that. Please tell me we get something useful from this.

Well aparently not. Goddamn. Neil is gonna die. All alone, knowing stuff he can't tell anyone.

You know the graphic imagery does not really help. 😔🤢

I cannot believe he's just dead.

There was only one thing he wanted, one thing, and that was to die with his family. And he didn't get it, he died alone, with only his abuser for company.

Noooooo don't say that!!! I was doing fine! Read single teardrops down my cheeks. But you can't go saying that the coterie will thibk he was just running away. Now I'm absolutely sobbing!!!

His last thoughts being of his friends and how they deserve redemption, and then Wynn specifically.

Trying to put who Wynn is into the network so he keeps his promise.

And he is at rest for once.

[carelessflower]

angel for angel

The music blazed around them, people lost in the feel, in their heartbeats, in others. 

"So, spill it." Izzy took another sip of her cocktail. "What's made you suddenly change your mind, dear brother? And to this specific place." She eyed Alec and took in every changing detail on his face. It wasn't that Angel was a bad club, it was quite the opposite. The design took guests from one level of amazement to the other, classy yet sensual, the lights shone like galaxies.

She was very much surprised she hadn't heard of this club before, yet her what-a-party-can't-we-just-stay-home brother did. 

"I just feel like changing the air for a while." Alec tugged on his black shirt's sleeve, probably the tightest piece in his closet. He's made an effort in his appearance overall, the black leather pants that were buried deeper than their mom's wine collection were finally brought to use. Izzy would be impressed with her brother if she didn't catch how he constantly looked at some scene behind him.

"Are you gonna go talk to him or continue acting like a creep?" Of fucking course it was Magnus that got her brother possessed and illogical. Who else?

"I can't, Izzy. He didn't want to see me." Alec looked miserable. Izzy hated it. Hated all of this. She hated that it happened. She hated how she couldn't blame it entirely on Magnus for the breakup, or that he broke her brother's heart. 

Magnus was dancing with somebody, even from a distance, she could feel the energy radiating from him, that spark no one could resist. He was enjoying himself, at least. It had been half a year or so, there was more in life than one's broken heart, Izzy knew that from experience.

She sighed.

Alec needed a distraction, cornering him into a wall would only lead to him closing off again. At least, not today.

"Look at your face, Alec. Raziel, I thought they banned misery at the club. Tell you what, I'll call Jace here, we're gonna get shit-faced, wake up with a joint headache tomorrow and hear Mom complain for three hours. Deal?"

Alec smiled lightly. It wasn't big, but it was a hopeful start. "Deal."

—

Izzy came back to her brother missing. She was nearly at her breaking point.

"Jace, do you feel Alec is in danger?"

"No?" Jace scrunched his eyebrows. "He is warm...and fuzzy? Not quite drunk either, just really excited."

Her phone buzzed in her pocket. She turned it on and read the most recent notification. I'm leaving. You and Jace have a fun night. Don't worry about me.

Well, that was most definitely the best way to make people stop worrying.

"Should we track him?" Jace was already ready with his stele.

"Let him be," Izzy said. Maybe Alec needed more time for himself. "We'll intervene if he gets caught in trouble."

The next morning came, and Alec still hadn't come back. Despite Jace's attempt at assuring her that Alec was absolutely better than fine and probably the happiest he had been in a while, Izzy felt the need to call him for confirmation.

One long pause. 

Two long pauses.

"Huh— hello? Izzy? Did something happen?"

"No, everything is fine." She paused for a moment. "Where are you Alec? You totally bailed on us last night."

"Oh shit, I'm so sorry. Something came up and hey—" Alec was ...laughing? What the fuck? "Magnus! Stop it! Control yourself, I'm talking—" On the other line, it sounded like the phone had fallen somewhere. Perhaps Magnus's bed. 

She needed some time to take all of this in first.

Alec picked up again, the joy was undeniable in his tone. "Ugh, so sorry for that. My company has no manners." Izzy could practically feel how they were looking at each other right now. 

She calmed herself down. "I don't care when you're coming back. I want a detailed report on whatever went down, or else Church might find new chew toys in your closet. Understood?"

"Fine."

"And tell Magnus I say hi."

"I will—" The line cut off.

"What happened?" Jace asked. "And why you're smiling?"

"Fate finds its way somehow." Izzy rolled her eyes but she knew how happy she was. Magnus left Angel with an angel in his arms. They were so ridiculous.

for @malectober day 1 prompt angel

[ivy-is-fine]

WARNING: long vent underneath; mostly self deprecation so be mindful of that if you decide to read

chat I’m genuinely tweaking out so fucking bad rn I just spent like an hour and half making a custom Minecraft skin and then I accidentally hit something that destroyed all of my progress, RIGHT BEFORE I DOWNLOADED IT YALL I GONNA EXPLODE I KNOW I SHOULDNT BE SO UPSET OVER SIMETHING STUPID AND POINTLESS AND SMALL AS THIS BUT HOLY FUCKING SHIT IM GOING TO CRY AND THEN I DONT KNOW THROW A HAT AT THE GROUND YALL IT LOOKED SO GOOD I LOVED IT AND THEN I FUCKING RUINED IT ILL NEVER BE ABLE TO MAKE IT THE SAME EVERYTHING WAS PERFECT, JUST HOW I WANTED IT TO BE. I KNOW I CAN JUST MAKE ANOTHER AND BE MORE CAREFUL BUT THAT WILL TAKE SO MUCH MORE TIME AND IT WAS SO TEDIOUS THAT TO SPEND MORE TIME WOULD MAKE THE EXPERIENCE EVEN WORSE. CHAT. CHAT IM LOSING MY FUCKING MIND. AND I KNOW IM ONLY SO EMOTIONAL OVER THIS BECAUSE ITS HOT AND MISERABLE AND IM OVERSTIMULATED AND THERES SOMETHING WRONG GOING ON IN MY BODY THATS MADE ME LOSE THE WILL TO EAT AND I HATE MYSELF AND EXISTING FEELS GROSS AND I HAVE NO ENERGY SO NOW IM CRYING JUST AS BAD OVER THIS STUPID, POINTLESS THING AS I DID WHEN MY FUCKING CAT DIED. IM NOT READY FOR THIS SCHOOL YEAR, IM GOING TO BE MISERABLE AND BURNED OUT AND I FEEL LIKE MY BEST FRIENDS DONT LIKE ME EVEN THOUGH I KNOW RATIONALLY THAT THEY DO BUT IM SCARED THAT THEIR OPINIONS OF ME ARE STARTING TO SOUR AND THAT THEYLL LEAVE ME BEHIND JUST AS EVERYONE DOES. GOD IM SO AWKWARD WITH PEOPLE NOBODY LIKES ME I CAN TELL AND I DONT TALK ABOUT ANYTHING INTERESTING OR KNOW ANGTHING ABOUT CARS AND TRUCKS LIEK EVERYONE I EXIST WITH. IM USELESS, I DONT HAVE A JOB, I DONT KNOW HOW TO MOW LAWN OR WEEDWACK OR DRIVE A TRACTOR. IM A WORTHLESS HUMAN WITH ZERO TALENT, ALL I CAN DO IS MAKE USELESS FUCKING ART AND WRITE USELESS FUCKING ESSAYS ABOUT USELESS FUCKING TOPICS. IM SO FUCKING WORTHLESS MY PARENTS SHOULD HAVE KNOWN IT FROM THE START, I COULDNT EVEN EAT FUCKIGN RIGHT. I HATE EVERYTHING ABOUT MYSELF, I HATE BEING A PICKY AND SLOW EATER ITS FUCKING EMBARRASSING I HATE BEING UNDERWEIGHT BECAUSE IT MAKES ME WEAK AND I HATE BEING WEAK BECAUSE IT MAKES ME EVEN MORE USLESS AND EMBARRASSING. I HATE MY SKINNY FUCKING WRISTS AND THE NAUSEA THAT CONSTANTLY STIRS IN MY GUT. I HATE MY STUPID FUCKING OVERBITE AND THE HERBST APPLICATION IN MY FACE TO FIX IT AND I HATE MY CURLY HAIR THAT I DKNT KNOW HOW TO TAKE CARE OF PROPERLY BECAUSE IT LOOKS STUPID AND MY SWEATY ASS PALMS THAT LEAVE MARKS ON THE FUCKING TABLES ARE AWFUL I HATE IT IT MAKES ME FEEL GROSS I WISH I KNEW HOW TO ACT IN PUBLIC I WISH I KNEE WHAT INCOULD DONTHAT WOULD MAKE EVERYONE HAPPY BUT I KNOW DAMN WELL THAT EVERYTHING AND EVERYONE WOULD FUNCTION BETTER WITHOUT ME. I WANT TO BE A PART OF SOCIETY BUT I NEVER KNOW HOW TO ACT, I DONT KNOW WHEN SOMEONE CANT TOLERATE ME. PEOPLE SCARE ME TOO EASILY I WANT TO STAY IN MY ROOM WHERE NO ONE HAS TO SEE ME. I WANT TO SMASH MY HEAD AGAINT A WALL, MAYBE ITLL MAKE ME NORMAL. GOD I CANT FUCKING STAND IT ANYMORE PLEASE I WANT TO KNOW HOW TO FUNCTION NORMALLY, HOW TO MAKNTAIN A HEALTHY WEIGHT, HELL, HOW TO HAVE AN APPETITE. I CONSTANTLY FEEL SICK AND RECENTLY IVE BEEN FEELING SO DETACHED FROM REALITY THAT I CAN HARDLY REGISTER ANY WORDS SPOKEN TO ME AND NO ONE TELLS ME ANYTHING IMPORTANT ANYWAYS LIKE HOW I WAS THE LAST TO KNOW WHERE MY FUCKING CAT GOT BURIED??? NO ONE SEEMED TO FEEL LIEK THAT WA SIMPIRTSNT ENOUGH TO TELL ME!!! IT FEELS LIKE EVERYONE EXPECTS EM TO KNOW STUFF WITHOUT HAVING TO BE TOLD BUT INDONT KNOW!!! I NEVER FUCKING KNOW!! I DOTN KNOW ANHTHING OTHER THAN USELESS PIECES OF TRIVIA THAT WILL NEVER BE USED ANYWHERE AT ALL. UGH I FEEL SO ILL, HUNGRY YET SICK AT THE SAME TIME. STARVING WITH NO DESIRE TO EAT. I KNOW ILL DIE, IM ALWAYS ON THE EDGE WITH DEATH, WAVING ACROSS THE STREET AT EACH OTHER. I DONT WANT TO BE SKINNY. I WANT TO EAT AND BE HEALTHY. BUT I CANT. I DONT KNOW WHY I CANT. I HAVE ACCESS TO FOOD AT ALL TIMES, THERES NOTHING STOPPING ME. I CAN HEAR MY STOMACH BUDDLE AND I CAN FEEL THE HUNGER PANGS BUT THEY DONT SEEM TO TRANSMIT TO MY BRAIN. MY MEMORY IS FAILING ME MORE AND MORE MY THE MINUTE, I CAN FEEL MYSELF

DETERIORATING. GOD IM SO SICK OF THIS THIS GAME ISNT FUN ANYMORE BUT I DONT WANT TO QUIT. ITS HARD BEING THE MEDIATOR, THE LIGHTHEARTED JOKESTER WHO DIFFUSES THE SITUATION AND REMAINS COOL AND CALM. IT FUCKING SUCKS AND I GET WALKED ALL OVER ALL THE TIME.

AND I KNOW THERES MILLIONS UPON MILLIONS WHO HAVE IT HUNDREDS OF TIMES WORSE THAN ME, BUT HOLY FUCKING SHIT LIVING SUCKS. MY BRACES AND HERBST MAKE MY FACE ACHE AND MY KNEES HURT WHEN HIGH PRESSURE SYSTEMS COME IN AND IM SLOW AND DONT PROVIDE ANYTHING FOR A TEAM. MY ARMS FEEL WEAK ALL THE TIME AND MY BRAIN FEELS LIKE AN EMPTY CHAMBER WITH SOME GUNK AND COBWEBS SLOSHING AROUND. GOD IM SO TIRED. EVERY PART OF MY BODY IS TIRED, IM EXHAUSTED THROUGH TO MY BONES AND BACK.

THERES NO GOOD WAY TO CONCLUDE THIS, AND IM SORRY IF YOUVE READ THIS THROUGH(OR AT ALL).

[struggling-to-find-home]

Here's a little secret about me: despite recieving a medical education, I hate being a patient. There are a lot of reasons: medical trauma, the general assholery of the medical system, the fact that noone explains you shit, the fact that doctors mean time, and effort, and sometimes money, and every single time I feel like I shouldn't be taking their attention from patients that are more "worth it".

When I was seventeen, it took me throwing up 14 times, nearly blacking out and falling into an almost-crisis state before I agreed to be hospitalised. And, as I was lying in bed, a litre of saline solution being deposited into me asap because the dehydration was that bad and two ambulance personnel holding me down, I still tried to get up to pack my things to get to the hospital.

I spent five days there.

I don't remember much of the first two ones, constantly blacking in and out of consciousness.

This year, I had to face something even more uncomfortable than being the asap hospitalisation person - and it was... Planned medical care. A planned surgery, to be exact.

I wasn't nervous about the procedure itself - when you spent like, a year constantly talking about pre-op and post-op and assist in surgery during practicals and see people cut open and cut open some stuff by yourself, the idea of someone rummaging around inside of you with tiny knives looses the typical "oomph" it has. I mean, I was being put in a special facility that's specifically for situations like mine, with a team of surgeons who spent years honing their craft. I knew what was going to happen. There would be anaesthesia, for god's sake.

But everything around the whole thing was just... Ugh. Doctors, nurses, tests, more tests, even more tests, the lack of communication leading to a nervous breakdown happening due to me not knowing when to come in... And, to top it all off, the damn tumour, like it knew it's days were numbered, was causing more and more pain by the day. Life lost it's colours. I spent day after day stopping, freezing up when another pain wave hit, coming home exhausted after having to mask it, slowly slipping away from socialising.

I have to leave, I've got an appointment.

Sorry I skipped your class, I had to get some tests done.

I'd love to go with you, but I need to clean my apartment; I doubt it's gonna be on my mind when I get back with a cast.

The only thing that kept me going was a deep, grim understanding: this is miserable, but continuing to live with that... thing growing inside me is worse.

... It's all over now, of course: nearly a week of school missed, a hazy experience, - god, they really overdid it with the drugs, - stitches, and a cast on my hand.

And it doesn't hurt anymore.

...No, I mean, it does, but compared to before? Piece of cake.

Nearly a year of constant worry and pain, gone.

Soon, all I'll have to show for it is a neat little scar on my hand that'll show that one day in the past, little old me was scared enough - and brave enough - to take the first step.

And as time slowly marches on, the colours that bled from my life, taken over by increasing pain, slowly turn bright again.

I'm just.

I feel like the joy came back into my life.

Like things have purpose again.

Like I can live.

I can live.

I don't have to feel pain anymore.

[einsteinsugly]

After everything I’ve seen and read on tumblr, I’m scared to watch s8 of That 70s show. I know the writers completely destroyed all the characters. Fez is already an annoying character in s4, and he’s becoming a sexist jerk.

Do I even bother watching the 8th season?

Iirc, I remember only watching the few eps and then the last couple. It definitely qualifies under the "don't bother suffering through it" category (as is T9S). A glimpse is the most I can bother taking. Don't bother, I'll give you the highlights.

The highlights:

-Hyde marries a stripper, Sam. She is devoid of any personality, and serves as an object to pull Jackie and Hyde apart. He's dug himself a grave, and he chooses to lie in it (ugh).

-It turns out that Sam was already married, so the marriage wasn't valid, anyway.

-They try really freaking hard to integrate Sam and Randy into the fold, but it fails miserably.

-Donna is an OOC shell (as is everyone else), and befriends Sam and pushes Jackie away, and calls her a bitch at one point.

-Kelso randomly proposes to Jackie (which was a jumping-off point T9S could've gone with, but since Jay is sixteen, they went with the stupid, late season 4 AU route). Jackie says no, obviously, and Kelso moves to Chicago to be closer to Brooke and Betsy. He becomes a security guard at the Playboy mansion, which meh.

-Eric breaks up with Donna via a letter, and Donna starts dating Randy. My headcanon is that Eric wants her to stop waiting for him and that he heard how she was treating Jackie (like shit), so he temporarily broke it off. Hoping for her to get her shit together, but that didn't happen (until the very end).

-Randy is an Eric-y character with a bit of Kelso (he loves dogs, and is somewhat superficial). He's nothing special; I don't hate him, other than for what he represents. He's just a meh character, to me.

-Everyone treats Jackie like shit, including Fez, her eventual lover. Fez says she's ugly on the inside and the outside, and Jackie says he's wrong about the outside part (wtf?).

-Jackie works as an assistant for Christine St George, the host of What's Up Wisconsin, who is a heartless piece of shit that Jackie readily calls out. It's the only salvageable storyline, IMO, until they devolve it and make Jackie sweep hair at Fez's salon. To "humble" her, which wtf?

-Fez has turned into a playboy, and is even more cringe-y than before. Jackie and Fez now live together, since Kelso has moved to Chicago.

-Hyde calls Jackie "Point Place's sluttiest slut," and everyone shits on her for dating almost all the guys from the OG gang. Hyde also pushes her into a creek at one point.

-Jackie and Fez are incredibly forced, and Jackie comes to the conclusion that Fez is her soulmate via a superficial, desperate list, which Donna affirms. Hyde vaguely gives them his blessing, but it's clear that it's hollow as hell.

-Jackie and Fez kiss in the finale, on top of the water tower. Jackie struggles to be intimate with him, and Fez paints over Jackie's name in "Jackie and Michael," and it's now "Fez and Michael." Extra note, the Jackie and Michael thing on the water tower seems to be fully intact in T9S (without any edits, to even fix it), so it's further proof that T9S isn't canon.

-Hyde has a nasty pornstache at the end of the season, and Kitty calls him her "second son." Kitty has a new hairstyle, too. The Red and Kitty stuff is better than the stuff in seasons 6 and 7, but like T9S, the decent Red and Kitty stuff can't save season 8.

-Eric and Donna, seemingly, get back together on New Year's Eve. Well, kind of, since they have some shit to work through. Donna's headed off to college in Madison, and Eric came home from Africa early (I explain why in my verse, btw).

The end. It's a vaguely fixable mess, unlike T9S. Which is an unfixable mess, imo.

[abbinurmel]

As someone who's been diagnosed also with this disorder only very recently in my late 30s, I too can attest this is not what normal PMS is for women. Pmdd is a very frequently undiagnosed and serious issue. I for the longest time just thought I was simply an unhinged person or that I'm just having regular PMS symptoms and I'm too sensitive about it. This is not a normal kind of behavior to have; being moody and irritated is not the same thing as constantly feeling like everyone would rather you dead or just unbelievably pissed or crying over everything. There's a clear difference between "uggggh, blah, it's Monday, grumble grumble, I'm tired and wish I could stay home with some tea, hate this, ugh your so annoying right now, sigh mumble grumble grumble... 😑"

and

"I suddenly wonder how it'd be best to kill myself/others and get away with it??...y'know, just for random amusement sake. What are all of the most efficient methods? Hmmmm. I mean I am not sad, not really, okay maybe, but y'know, I just am preparing for the probable inevitiability I am gonna do it someday in the future, we might not know why, but, y'know, we'll figure it out. This isn't a mental disorder symptom, relax, this is me just being numb and tired and "Practical". ...besides, does my boyfriend even love me?? Probably not. I bet everyone else despises me too. I bet they always did. Every month I always piss somebody off, they're all probably so tired of my shit anyway. I'm such a ugly piece of shit and the world is dying and nothing is good and nobody ever loved me and nobody ever will and I'm just a dumbass surrounded by dumbasses and I'm going to decay into a sickly old woman in just three months and-"

STOP.

Kids please, get PROFESSIONAL HELP if this stuff happens to you all the time. Get on Zoloft, or exercise, or take birth control or seek talk therapy, or change your diets, whatever it is you and your gynecologist decide you need. It is not a joke. You need to practice discipline against this thing, and you will need the aid of being able to recognize there's medically something ACTUALLY BEHIND THIS AND IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT.

Ever since I've been on the right correct dosage of sertraline meds/taking Primrose oil supplements to treat my symptoms, I've already noticed huge difference. It was also a huge difference when I finally managed to get birth control in my arm implant after I turned 30, compared to what I was like every single cycle during my teens and my early twenties. I was an absolute mess. I still get meltdowns from time to time but they are nowhere near the volcanic levels they used to reach, unless stressful unforseen circumstances or someone pushes my buttons in a severe way. It's now so different. NOW I can feel just weary and grumpy, uncomfortable, tired, and "meh". It's about the same as how you emotionally should feel like, while having a minor cold. No one gets a cold, and thinks they are worthless or definitely going to die, be it thru self harm or body dysfunctions they paranoid guess at.

You should just feel KINDA CRUMMY and TIRED. That is all. No worse feeling than dragging yer ass on a cold day out of bed early to a job you begrudgingly tolerate, not even despise... Any friends and loved ones around you (that already respect you) will tolerate that state you are in/be whom they always are. And if they somehow don't, your healthy brain has the dignity and logic to say "well too bad y'all, I am having a COLD, so, I am mucus-y and cranky and gross. It's not a big deal. I just ain't having sex going to work or socializing with family today, deal with it🤷. 🙄 sigh."

If you have PMDD, the above scenario isn't what happens. What happens is tears, cursing, fights, physical abuse or substance abuse or impulsive acts. It's days of neglecting hobbies, chores and self care, just choosing to without telling anyone that you're staying locked up in your bedroom in the dark for hours, and feeling days or weeks of miserable, thoroughly aimless bitterness and ennui. A daily exhausting slog ends up leading into straight up sickening amounts of constant self loathing, severe insomnia, and contempt for humanity and every inch of your body. You will not stop naval gazing or feeling like your life is going nowhere and it can't be ignored for even a minute.

And THE SECOND you bleed, it just... Stops. It's both a relief and actually distressing in itself how abrupt it is. The minute my period happens, I feel 10x less emotionally shitty and unfocused, even if my body is saying AGH, FUCK, SHIT, DAMNIT

Pre-menstrual depression is always depicted as like "He He! I had a box of icecream bars and cried while watching the Titanic!" But in reality, it's more like, "I'm standing the edge of an abyss. There is nothing good inside of me, I'm filled with rage and desperation."

It's crazy that being told how to deal with that is never a part of anyone's menstrual sex education.

[always-andromeda]

i would love more writer!reader hcs! it's hilarious how calvin's like my least fav pd character but the requests for him are so good, you made him likable 😭😭

Socialization Pt. II | Calvin Weir-Field’s x fem!Reader

Calvin Weir-Field’s x fem!Reader

Word Count | 1,260

Author’s Note | ugh, I LOVE writing Calvin actually so I’m glad someone finds my version of him likable! again, if anyone wants another part of this little dynamic, I’d love to think about making it a sweet little trilogy of headcanons lol thank you so much, anon, for enabling me to indulge in this man.

Warnings | Calvin is a ball of anxiety, nothing else I can think of!

Calvin hates being late to things. So, of course, he's late to the writer's group you invited him to.

It's not his fault that you wrote one of the numbers in the address wrong. It's not his fault that he spent twenty minutes driving down the same street, craning his neck to find the right place. By the end of the ordeal, he finds the breakfast buffet. Tucked away behind a few pretentious boutiques sits the building. Obviously some sort of historic place that has managed to just escape from LA's glitzy grasp. 

Having led a group of his own for a few years, he thinks he knows exactly what he's getting himself into. A couple dozen twenty somethings who've convinced themselves they're artists and moved to LA to flounder and die. It's partially why he left said group after his dad died and Lila left. 

He parks, gives himself a pep talk, takes a deep breath and enters the restaurant.

A staff member tells him that the meeting had started ten minutes prior in the banquet room. Great. Absolutely fantastic.

Calvin opens one of the doors of the entrance for the banquet room. All eyes are on him within seconds. Shit.

You're standing at a podium, papers in hand and mouth open, obviously midway through a sentence as you glare at him.

Calvin ducks quickly like he's walking in front of a row of people in a movie theater. He finds a table with an empty chair and tries not to meet anyone's gaze as you clear your throat and continue speaking. He quickly realizes that he is very out of place. Most of the attendees are...older. The women dotting the table around him are all white haired with deep wrinkles and wearing their finest clothes.

The next thing he notices is how attentively everyone listens to you. You command the room in such a way that he can tell you've been doing this for a long while. You don't drone on monotonously. And you crack small jokes every so often that makes some bursts of chuckles erupt from various tables.

You give a rundown of different writing workshops that are being held throughout the month, give deadlines for some monthly edition that members can submit pieces to, and read out updates on various projects that some of the members are working on.

Apparently Reginald has a science fiction novel he's been working on for years that is finally in talks of being published. A woman named Maria is in the preliminary stages of research for her book on pigeons. Calvin has no clue who these people are but he's struck by how...not miserable they all look.

You announce a writing exercise. The idea: you're going to give them one word and five minutes to write as much as they possibly can on whatever thought the word reminds them of. Sounds simple enough.

Calvin panics. Because of course he has to feel the frantic grip of anxiety right here and now in an artificially lit banquet hall at 10:38 in the morning. Life very well may have looked kindly upon him up into the very moment he walked into that room and made an absolute fool of himself.

The word you chose? Control.

The timer starts and his mind goes blank.

Control...control control control...he wishes he had control over that stupid timer. It's the only thought he had running through his mind. It's morbid and messy but he doesn't want to be the only one in the room without a word on his sheet of paper. So he scrawls out as much as he possibly can.

He writes about a clock that won't stop ticking. Won't stop taunting. Every time the hands shift, it seems to point and titter at a different failure. Nearly thirty. No high school diploma. No girlfriend. A publisher breathing down his neck. That clock keeps sneaking up behind him and beating him to an indistinguishable pulp. But this time, he catches it. Throws the damned thing to the ground and rips away at the face until it stirs no more. Digging his nails into the inner workings, he tears at all the intricate pieces until he's satisfied that it won't have a chance at coming back. Until he can finally breathe properly.

The timer goes off in reality this time.

And Calvin feels like he's just killed someone. But the tension in his fingers seem to have disappeared.

You say that if anyone would like to read what they wrote aloud, they may. A few people have the guts to do that. Calvin won't be one of the sacrificial lambs; he can't even imagine what kind of horrified stares he'd get this time if he were to describe how he'd murder an anthropomorphic clock. He simply claps along with the other attendees and crumples up his paper, shoving it in his pocket and intending to throw it away when he gets home.

Calvin approaches you after the meeting. You're putting away your notes in a giant, three-ring binder.

Standing in front of you for a solid minute, he's sure that you're deliberately giving him the cold shoulder. He clears his throat. You peer up at him almost dismissively through your lashes.

Returning your attention to your papers, you ask firmly, "If you didn't want to be here then why did you show up, Calvin?"

"Oh, trust me, I did want to be here. I was just...late."

"Okay." you purse your lips and close up your binder before laying your hand on the cover, tapping your nails against the surface and gathering your thoughts. Slowly, you perked back up, "What did you think about the meeting?"

"It was..." Calvin scratched his head before saying with uncertainty, "Enlightening."

His reply makes you snicker. You hadn't actually expected him to attend. And after he was absent for the first meeting after you invited him, you figured that was it. You'd managed to find another snobby writer who looked down his nose at his peers. But with how tall he is, there's no way he can't psychically look down on you. Except instead of disdain in his eyes...it's wonder. Those green eyes look down at you like he’s waiting for you to unveil the secrets of the universe.

You ask with a smile biting at your tone, "What parts did you find enlightening?"

"I thought the five minute writing exercise was fantastic. It loosens you up...forces you to just think of something." Calvin can't help but grin. Sure, he hated what he'd written. But maybe that's what was needed for a creative rut like this. Something messy and terrible and completely wrong. That felt right.

You laughed then. It sends butterflies through his stomach out of nowhere. He joined in, hoping that his nervous grin would convince both you and him that you were laughing with him instead of at him.

"You're a funny person, Calvin Weir-Fields." And a cute person. But he doesn’t need to know that.

"Thank you?"

"You're welcome. I'm glad you enjoyed your time today. I hope you decide to become a member before you go. You can sign up with Donna over there." you nod towards a woman speaking with some other members near the double doors.

Calvin didn't even think about the possibility of spam or extra mail or any of those other annoyances as he gave Donna all of his contact information. All he thought of was writing again. Of seeing you again.

[poisoned-peppermint]

Part 4 of incorrect quotes because i feel obligated to make more due to the sheer number of people who liked it

Dream: My dearest beloved fuckos, is a fun, gender-neutral way to begin a speech

George: See also, esteemed bastards

Bad: Gentlefolk, Ferals, and Domesticated cryptids. 

Sapnap: My fellow yees and haws

~~~~~~~

Techno:Hey I know skyrim is revered as a classic but are we just going to ignore the fact that the entire game only had like 3 voice actors

Wilbur:Stop right there criminal cum

Techno:My ancestors are smiling at me, bastard, can you say the same

~~~~~~~

Foolish:When's your bedtime :)

Purpled: Whenever I next collapse in purely up to the gods

~~~~~~

Ranboo:Human skin is a fursuit for skeletons 

Tubbo: i’m going to debone you like a fucking trout

~~~~~~

Bad:You’re enough

Bad: love yourself!!!!!!! or suffer my wrath!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Dream:And by wrath I mean love!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Bad:no I mean wrath!!!!! You reading this, if you don't love yourself I’ll beat you with a stick!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

~~~~~~~

Bad:I hope everyone is today well! And tomorrow!!!! After that you’re on your own.

~~~~~~

Bad:what am I supposed to do all day while you’re at work

Skeppy:I don’t know, what do you normally do while I’m gone

Bad: wait for you to get back

~~~~~~

Velvet:For my next stunt, I’ll wake up at 5am on the day I can sleep in

Ant:Early to bed and early to rise makes a man healthy, wealthy and wise.

Velvet:Early to bed and early to rise makes me a massive bitch

~~~~~~

Tubbo: 3:23 AM make a wish

Ranboo: I wish that you would go to sleep

Tuddo: Yeah well I wish I grew an inch taller every day as you get an inch shorter until you’re as flat as as a piece of paper and I’m 11 feet tall

Ranboo: You’re going to die of a mixture of skeletal instability and heart disease.

Tubbo: Yeah but I’ll look good while doing it.

~~~~~~

Bad:Disrespect me again and I’ll determine your bodies resonant frequency and play a jaunty horn solo that boils your miserable organs inside out 

~~~~~~

Quackity: If I were dating you?  Well, heh. Let’s just say horses wouldn't be called horses anymore

Karl: hey what the honk does this mean…..I’m shaking what does this mean!

~~~~~~

Skeppy: Are you ok?

Bad wrapped in a burrito blanket drinking his 6th cup of coffee: Yes, this is exactly what mental stability looks like

~~~~~~

Sam: My hands are cold

Ponk: *holds their hands*

Ponk: better?

Sam: My lips are cold too

~~~~~~

George at dream’s funeral: can I have a moment alone with them?

Sapnap: of course *leaves*

George leaning over dream’s casket: Now listen, I know you’re not dead.

Dream: yeah no shit

~~~~~~

Skeppy, jokingly: I should have Bad kill you for that.

Bad, peering around the corner: Who do I need to kill?

Skeppy: Wh- no, I was just kidding around.

Bad, pulling out a switchblade: No, who’s bothering you

~~~~~~

Bad *watching the news*: Some idiot tried to fight a squid at the aquarium.

Skeppy *covered in ink*: Maybe the squirt was being a dick.

~~~~~~

Peacock: *spreads feathers at Bad*

Skeppy: It’s trying to attract a mate

Bad, extremely confused: *shyly lifts top*

Skeppy: No!

~~~~~~

Sapnap: Karl, do you eat olives? My dad wants to know

Karl: No, I hate olives. Olives are the spawn of satan. I hate olives so much my mom forced me to live in Mount olive for the rest of my childhood as a curse from the olive gods. Do you understand how much olives have ruined my life? I'm so offended that you asked me that have some consideration for people who have been abused by olives please!

Sapnap: K A R L ……….they’re just olives!!?

Karl: JUST OLIVES EXCUSE!

~~~~~~

Tommy: If you’re bored you can simply close your eyes and rotate a cow in your mind. It’s free and the cops can’t stop you

~~~~~~

Wilbur: is there anyone even named sheldon irl?

Tubbo: my class turtle from 6th grade :)

Wilbur: that’s a turtle

Tubbo: When god sings with his creations, will a turtle not be part of the choir?

~~~~~~

Ranboo: No bcuz why do ppl like salad?? What’s so good about it

Tubbo: chew leaf like god intended

Ranboo: No

Tubbo: Abandon god and see what he does next time you lift your hands in prayer

~~~~~~~

Tommy: Guys, there’s a monster under my bed and it’s really ugly.

Wilbur, on the bottom bunk: Honestly, fuck you.

~~~~~~

Quackity: So according to the cease and desist order I got, apparently you can’t ‘legally’ be a lawyer if your license is ‘cut out of a cereal box’.

~~~~~~

Puffy: If you had too, what would you give up food or sex?

Bad: Sex.

Skeppy: Seriously, answer faster.

Bad: I’m sorry honey, when they said sex I wasn’t thinking about sex with you.

Skeppy: It’s like a giant hug.

Puffy: Ant, what about you? What would you give up sex or food?

Ant: Food.

Puffy: Okay, how about sex or dinosaurs?

Ant: ……...Oh my God it’s like the movie Sophie’s Choice.

Gumi: What about you Velvet? What would you give up sex or food?

Velvet: Oh… um… I don’t know, it’s too hard.

Gumi: No, you gotta pick one.

Velvet: Um, food… no, sex… no, food…sex… food. Ugh! I don’t know! I want both! I- I want Antfrost on bread!

~~~~~~~

Tommy, holding a gun: If the conspiracies about life being a simulation are true WHOEVERS CONTROLLING MY SIM I JUST WANNA TALK.

~~~~~~~

Bad: Why are you guys acting like this?

Boomer: Oh, we’re not acting. We really are like this.

~~~~~~

Techno: Dream has only knocked me out three times this week. Our friendship is really developing.

~~~~~~

Tommy: You’re pathetic!

Wilbur: You’re pathetic-er!

Techno: You’re both losers.

~~~~~~

Bad: I wish I could help you, but I shorn’t.

Skeppy: Bad, please!

Bad: What part of shorn’t don’t you understand?

~~~~~~

Tubbo: Why did you leave Wrestlemania on for Michal?

Ranboo: They need to learn how to protect us.

~~~~~~

Antfrost: I regret getting dragged into your heterosexual tomfoolery.

~~~~~~

Bad: Strawberry milk doesn’t taste like strawberry OR milk.

Skeppy: Go the fuck to sleep Bad!

Bad: LANGUAGE!!

~~~~~~

Ranboo: Tubbo, please calm down.

Tubbo: I asked for two large fries!

Tubbo: *dumps fries onto table*

Tubbo: But all they did was give me a MILLION FUCKING LITTLE ONES!

~~~~~~

Bad: That was the worst throw ever. Of all time.

Skeppy: Not my fault. Somebody put a wall in the way.

~~~~~~

Wilbur: When you’ve been on the internet for as long as I have, you develop thick skin.

Tommy: Navy blue isn’t your color.

Wilbur: Navy blue brings out my eyes you prick! *Chases after Tommy*

~~~~~~

Bad: *Pulls a glass a water from out of nowhere*

Puffy: Where did you get that?.

Bad: My pocket.

Puffy: How do you keep a glass of water in your pocket?

Bad: Skills.

~~~~~~

Tubbo: I will come to your house after work and knock on your window at 11 AM. You will not open the curtains, knowing full well what awaits you, but the knocking only grows louder, more demanding. Finally it stops, your ears ringing. You nervously let out a breath you didn't know you were holding. You're safe now. Minutes pass by and you start to relax. And then you hear a knock at the front door. Like before, you stay still and clutch the blankets around you. You try to tell your self that it's just your imagination. Maybe the milk man? But why would he come so late? Everyone else was asleep, save for Naomi who was playing video games down stairs. To your relief, the knocking stops after a few. Minutes and you breath easy once more. Until you hear a knock on your bedroom door. You don't move. It's just your imagination. She isn't here. She can't be here. You tell yourself, shutting your eyes and willing yourself to sleep. The knock comes again, but with horror you realize that it came from the closet inside your room. You know that you have no choice. You get up, climbing out of bed with shaking limbs. You walk to the closest, trembling, and holding back the tears threatening to spill over your porcelain cheeks. You hesitate with your hand over the closet handle. Maybe it's just your imagination? She's not really there. You can go to sleep and laugh it off in the morning. Your naive thoughts are cut off by another, more demanding knock on the closet door, inches from your face. You know what you have to do. You open the closet door, and there she stands. Chuck e cheese, the mouse looms over you in the dim light. It's soulless eyes boor into you. It raises its arms, and you flinch as it begins to floss at lightning speed. Tears spill over your cheeks. This is the last thing you'll ever see.

Ranboo: Wait, Chuck e cheese’s pronouns are she/her? Trans Chuck e cheese? Good for her.

~~~~~~~~

Bad: Would you like something to drink? *They opened the fridge* We have water, milk, juice, spiders, Dr. Pepper-

Quackity: Spiders?

Bad: Spiders it is then.

Quackity: No, that wasn’t-

*But they were already pouring him a brimming glass of spiders…

~~~~~~

Puffy : Make her pussy wet not her eyes.

Velvet : Make his dick hard not his life.

Punz : Break her bed not her heart.

Skeppy : Play with his boobs not his feelings. 

Ant : Get on his dick not his nerves.

Bad : Always salt your pasta while boiling it.

~~~~~~~

Wilbur: Bet you can’t eat 15 crayons!

Tommy: Bet you I can!

Phil: *sips coffee, checks to make sure 911 is still on speed dial, and goes back to reading the paper*

~~~~~~~

Ant: We need a way to lure in new customers?

Ponk: Maybe we could have some fun, interactive events!

Skeppy: Badboyhalo bath water.

Bad: ABSOLUTELY NOT!

~~~~~~~~

Fundy: GET BACK HERE YOU DUMB FUCK!

Wilbur: LET ME RUN FROM THE CONSEQUENCES OF MY ACTIONS!

~~~~~~~~

Bad: Mint is just cold spicy.

Pummel party Squad: …

Gumi: What the actual fuck is wrong with you.

~~~~~~~~

Quackity: Isn’t it amazing how I can feel so bad and still look so good?

~~~~~~~

Tommy: Why does my arm shake and turn bright red when I’m eating dirt?

Phil:

Phil: Why are you eating dirt?

Tommy: Did I ask you if I should eat dirt? No, so answer my question.

~~~~~~~

Tubbo: I wish I could control wasps and bees to sting my enemies.

Quackity: You’re too young to have enemies.

Tubbo: You don’t even know.

~~~~~~~~

Skeppy: Is there a cactus where your heart should be?

Puffy: What’s up your ass this morning!

Bad: *walks in* …Hi!!

Puffy: Hmm… nevermind.

Skeppy: WAIT NO!

~~~~~~~~

Skeppy: Ha! Don’t you know the trappers trap can trap the trapper?

Skeppy: I must be losing it, I’m quoting Bad.

~~~~~~~

Skeppy: Bad, I sense hostility.

Bad: Good, because I hate you

~~~~~~~

Bad: Are you a painting?

Skeppy: What-?

Bad: Because I want to pin you to a wall.

Skeppy: OH GOD I THOUGHT YOU WERE GOING TO SAY YOU WANTED TO HANG ME OR SOMETHING-

~~~~~~

Tommy: You’re giving me a sticker?

Phil: Not just a sticker. That is a sticker of a kitty saying “me-wow!”

Tommy: I’m not a preschooler.

Phil: Fine, I’ll take it back-

Tommy: I earned this, back off!

~~~~~~

Dream, sweating: George, there’s something I need to ask you-

George: Finally! You’re proposing!

Dream: How’d you know?

George: Dream, you’ve dropped the ring five times during dinner.

George: I even picked it up once

~~~~~~~~

*Bad and Skeppy looking at a locked gate into a park*

Bad: Aw. :(

Skeppy: You know what they say.

Bad: Please don’t-

Skeppy: BE GAY DO CRIME! *hops gate*

Bad: Frick-

~~~~~~~~

let me know if ya’ll want more <3

[dollanganger-in-the-attic]

The guy I will always hate the most is Arden. Like, Damian was awful and put his daughter through electro shock therapy. But oh my god, did I despise Arden. The fact that he saw what happened to Audrina and never said anything about it for years. The fact that he slept with her cousin. The fact that he was mad that she didn't want to have sex with him, knowing her trauma, etc. UGH.

SAME

Arden will always be the biggest piece of shit! Theres not a single thing i like about him or his character!

Usually villain characters or scummy guys have some entertainment value and we can laugh like wow he sucks. But arden is just miserable to read about. I hate his guts!!

[brendaaaa]

Best Summer Ever (Max Mayfield x fem!Reader)

“This is gonna be the best summer ever!“ Lucas pumped his fist into the air.

He let out a whoop and cannon-balled into the pool, screaming as he went.

“Oh god,” Will covered his eyes. “He’s going to kill himself.”

“Ah, don’t worry, Will the wise,” Mike set a hand on the shorter boy’s shoulder. “He’s fine.”

You peered over the edge, into the pool. “It looks pretty deep.”

You hated deep water. It was pretty much an irrational fear. There was nothing that was going to get you in that water.

You looked over at your girlfriend, Maxine. She was looking hot as ever, with her long red hair in a messy bun and her freckles sprinkled across her sun kissed face. She wore a red bikini, a good look on her, you had to admit.

You look back at the water. It was dark blue, intimidating.

The party was situated in the backyard of Kimmy Taylor, Robin’s super cool (and rich) girlfriend. She absolutely loved the ‘children’ when Robin introduced them, and because Kimmy would be working, she had generously offered her pool to the kids for the summer.

It was pretty awesome, except for the fact that you were scared silly of deep water.

“Hey, El!” Dustin called out, running over to pick up the brunette girl, “let’s get in the water!”

He ran over to the edge of the pool, Eleven shrieking, pretending to be terrified although anyone could tell she wasn’t really, and jumped.

The two made a huge splash when they entered the water, and you shielded your face, although the rest of your body got soaked.

They came up laughing, and smiling.

You grinned too, as their smiles were the most contagious ever, and watched as Will and Mike jumped in as well.

Lucas, already in the water, came up from behind the two boys and started splashing them.

Everyone in the water started hurling water at the others, and it was actually pretty funny for you to watch.

“Hey love,” a voice said in your ear, and you felt soft arms wrap around your middle.

You blushed, and turned to look at your favorite girl. She rested her head on your shoulder, blue eyes smiling up at you.

“We should get in.”

“Wha-?” You said, not really hearing what she had said. Her beautiful face was too distracting.

“I said,” she crinkled up her nose, “we should get in.”

You paled slightly as you realized what she was talking about.

“Uh, no. I- I can’t,” you looked away, breaking eye contact.

“Aw why not love?” She whined, placing her cold hand on your jaw and turning your head back to face her.

You shivered slightly and looked at the pool. It looked like a blue pit. Deep, dark, and ominous.

“I don’t know…” you mumbled.

“Why not?” She said again. “It’s so hot outside. I mean c’mon y/n, I know you wore that bathing suit just for me…,” she said with a smirk, and you reddened, looking down at your rather skimpy one piece, and she continued, “But you wore it to swim too, right?”

Well, yes. But you didn’t know that the pool was going to be this deep!

Aloud you said, “Yeah...I guess,” not wanting to disappoint Max.

“Alright let’s get in then!” She said cheerily, and shook her flip flops off her feet.

You gulped, eyeing the water suspiciously.

“I- I can’t,” you said nervously.

“Oh sure you can,” Max rolled her eyes, “it’s just water, y/n!”

You opened your mouth to say something, and then closed it. As much as you wanted to please her, you knew that there was absolutely no way you were getting in that pool.

No way. You would stay perfectly nice and dry today, thank you very much.

Ironically, just after that thought, your lovely babe decided it would be fun if she pushed you into the pool.

You screamed, flailing your arms as you tumbled down towards the water.

The party all turned to look, some laughing, some smiling, but none appearing distressed.

You belly flopped in, creating a loud smacking sound as you were submerged in the water.

The water was cold, and even though it was miserably hot outside, it was not refreshing or nice at all.

It was freezing and miserable.

You realized with a jolt of panic that you were sinking to the bottom, like a rock.

Your cheeks puffed outwards, trying to hold your breath in, as well as the scream that was just dying to come out.

You kicked upwards quickly, propelling your arms around, trying to get back up to the surface desperately.

It wasn’t that far to the top, and soon you were gasping and coughing up water. Max plopped into the water next you, and wrapped her arms around you.

She leaned her forehead against yours, a smile tugging at her lips.

“Nice in here, right?”

You shook your head wildly, a few tears slipping down your cheeks.

“No, no. I want to get out. Right now!” You hiccuped, still kicking your legs back and forth aggressively, trying to tread water and stay afloat.

Max frowned, a bit concerned by your reaction, “okay…” she said slowly.

She pulled herself out first, and reached a hand out to help you get out. All of a sudden she stopped, peering at you.

“Y/n, are you scared of water?” She asked.

Well yeah, no shit.

You glared at her, “What do you think?”

“I-“

“Yes!” You cried out. “Yes! Of course I’m scared of water, why do you think I didn’t want to jump in?!”

She stared at you, a little unsure of what to say.

“You pushed me in! Why would you do that?!” You cried.

“Y/n,” she started, hands on her knees.

“Get me out!!!” You screeched. “Right now!!”

“Okay okay,” she grabbed your forearms, and pulled you out of the pool, dripping wet.

“You wanna, um, go inside?”

You nodded, huffing.

“Okay, uh, you can do that then. Um, y/n I’m really sorry,” she tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear. “I swear if you’d just told me I would’ve never pushed you in,” she said sincerely.

You wiped your face off with your hand.

“I’m going inside,” you said stiffly, and marched off.

The rest of the party watched open mouthed, confused at the scene that had just unfolded.

You stomped into Kimmy’s house, flopping your wet body onto the couch. You groaned, feeling frustrated at your girlfriend and at yourself.

It was dumb that you got so upset with Max. She didn’t mean to push you in. She wasn’t that type of person.

Ugh. Why didn’t you just tell her that you were scared?! Why did your pride have to get in the way?

You groaned again, and clapped a hand over your forehead, covering your eyes from the light flowing through the window.

You surveyed the room. It was pretty nice, with some expensive furniture. Everyone’s clothes were scattered amongst the floor. Your eyes honed in on Max’s purple sweatshirt and brown shorts.

You smirked, getting an idea.

You pulled yourself off the couch, and closed the blinds on the window.

…..

“Is it just me, or did that pool get warmer as we swam in it?” you heard Dustin’s voice.

You were flopped in an armchair, watching tv and cuddled up in an afghan. It was surprisingly cold in the house, due to the air conditioning working overtime in the hot summer heat.

“You were probably just pissing in the pool,” Max retorted.

“Shut up Max,” Mike said. “We just probably got used to the water,” you heard him say to Dustin.

All of the party had shuffled in at this point. They all looked freezing cold, wrapped up in only their swimsuits and towels, shivering in the ac-blasted house.

“Hi, Y/n,” Max said, rather shyly.

You remembered that she probably thought you were still mad at her.

“Hi,” you said, giving her your warmest smile.

She smiled back, looking down at the ground. At least now she knew that you weren’t mad.

“So, who wants some pizza?” Lucas stretched out his arms, “I’m tired, and hungry as fuck.”

“Me too,” El piped up. “Can we get hawaiian please?” She gave Max her best doe eyes.

“Ah fine,” your girlfriend muttered, walking over to the phone.

She picked it up and started to dial the number. Growing up as a teen in the 80s, it was mandatory that you all had the pizza place’s number memorized. You never knew when you might need some fuel, or a pick-me-up.

Max turned back to look at El as she held the receiver up to her ear, “But don’t get that nasty fruit stuff anywhere near me,” she threatened, twirling the cord.

“I won’t,” Eleven smiled. Everyone knew that Max hated pineapple on pizza with a passion.

Max gave the order, and you, El, and the boys pulled out some board games to keep you busy while waiting on dinner.

The seven of you set up the candyland board.

“Why are we playing this?” Lucas deadpanned.

“Cause it’s fun,” Dustin countered.

“It’s a childhood classic,” Will insisted.

“You can cheat,” Mike smirked.

“Queen Frostine is sexy,” Max shrugged.

“It’s so FUN!” El beamed.

“I dunno,” you said. “But everyone else seems to like it.”

Lucas groaned, “Fine. But I better win,” he grinned, and flipped over the first card.

“Hey,” Will complained. “You don’t get to go first! The youngest always gets to first!”

“Yeah,” you laughed. “That’s me!”

And so the party played a rather uneventful game of candyland. Dustin won.

Knock knock knock.

Everyone looked up.

“Pizzaaaaaa,” Dustin said in a whisper, rubbing his hands together.

“I’ll get it!” You offered, standing up, and letting the afghan fall away from your body.

Max smiled at you, then a double take.

“Uh...y/n, are you? Wait a minute…” she eyed you suspiciously. “Are you wearing my clothes?”

“Caught me!” You laughed, and ran off to go meet the delivery guy.

“Hey!” She hollered. “Don’t think you get away that easy!” She was smiling, shaking her head.

“Get back here y/n!”, she giggled.

You ran, laughing and out of breath, to the door. You opened it up, and smiled at the short brunette pizza guy.

“Uh, three pepperonis and one hawaiian?” He confirmed.

“Ding ding ding,” you winked at him, and set the pizzas on the table right beside the door.

“Gotcha,” you felt Max hug from behind. You turned around, and kissed her cheek. “Hang on, I’m paying this dude.”

“Oh no no,” she said, smiling. “You, you are wearing my clothes! Why?” She touched the tip of her nose to yours, scrunching her nose.

You blushed, “Cause...I want to?”

“You look good, miss girl,” she whispered.

You coughed, and turned to the pizza boy and said, “Pay you back later?” as Max started to kiss you.

“Uh, excuse me-” he was cut off by you slamming the door in his face.

You laughed into Max’s lips, “You know, Lucas really was right.”

“What?” Max asked between kisses.

“This...is gonna be the best summer ever!”

Word Count: 1,877

[whatsgnat]

Icehome book 3 thoughts(part 3):

Willa continues to be the most selfish character I've ever read and never even asks if Pashov is ok????

She cries and is upset about hurting him when she can be the victim but now that she has what she wants she gives no shits.

I hate how little remorse she has.

"I deserve the reprimand I suppose..."

Oh FUCK YOU Willa!

I wish Stacy was there to whap her with her "frying pan" and give her a piece of her mind because Sadly Pashov is far too sweet to do so when they see him again.(Also once again thank you Hassen for not holding back from checking her on her BS).

Well you know what, Willa!? Not everything is about YOU. GOD. It's nonstop with her. Always "me.me.me"

And you know I get it to an extent. Willa has been through some trauma and sometimes her responses are definetly a reflection of that BUT trauma is never an excuse to behave toxically and the sabotage the people around you. And Willa is constantly pushing her shit onto those around her!

When everyone's getting along: Willa has to bring up why they shouldn't and try to ruin it.

When everyone's being selfless and giving: Willa has to let Gren know how it's fake and can't be trusted.

When Gren is happy and growing as a person: Willa has to turn it and make it about her and her fears and how she just can't handle it if they betray her. Causing Gren to drop everything, want to give up his happiness, and possibly put their health at risk to appease her irrational anger. This is pretty toxic.

GREN IS THE ONLY REDEEMING PART OF THIS BOOK.

He tells her multiple times they were in the right to tie him up because he was going to kill them all and it's still not enough for her.

They are still horrific and evil and she's on the moral high ground always. Because this fictional narrative she's created can't be wrong right?!

Willa is always right!(sarcasm) Willa is absolutely the only one with any morals on this beach because she would've let him murder multiple people while calmly explaining the situation in a language he didn't understand🙄

Oh Bless your heart Willa- Kick fucking rocks.

Idiotic, selfish, bitch, irrational, self righteous- Ugh!

Oh and don't worry! Willa is like every toxic person you've encountered! I finished the book and she never once genuinely apologizes to anyone in the tribe. Not to Pashov(seriosuly!?), not to Hassen, not to Veronica, not to Mardok, not to Lauren or Marisol. Nope. She never feels bad about anything she does for more than a millisecond and is constantly shooting bitter accusations at everyone and attempting to make them feel shame for doing what was right in the moment to protect everyone. BUT trust me she is more than happy to take their hospitality and clothes and kindness, just to then throw it all back in their faces and still be prejudiced.

It's almost like she can't let people be happy. She constantly brings up what happened even though everyone's moved on and the Sa-Khui even apologized!!!

GREN the one who was the "victim" isn't even mad or holding it against them but Willa can't let it go and just has to try and make everyone uncomfortable and miserable!!!! Because it makes her feel better I guess!?

It's not cute. It's fucking TOXIC.

Gren deserves better.

But yup this was my least favorite book of all 24 ish Not -Hoth universe book I've read and it's all because Willa is absolutely unbearable and ungrateful and a complete selfish cunt. She's irrational and toxic and Gren is wonderful.

2 stars for Gren. That's the book rating. Willa can sit in a corner and brood for all I care.

Parts Below

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《Part 3》: This Part