#ugggggh why am i doing this

[hypnotisedfireflies]

Suffering through the front end of the Logies, Torvspotting, and desperately hoping she stayed home in bed.

[britcision]

Out here trying to just write a fun and slightly awkward first time but these goddamn men are suddenly out here giving themselves Revelations and Dramatic Moments and the best worst sex of both of their lives and I just

That is not what this is for

That is not what I wanted

But it’s good shit and I have nowhere else to put it and if I stop and go back what the hell else do I do instead?

[wandringaesthetic]

I think the introversion/extroversion paradigm is probably wrong and the real question is not "would you prefer to be with other people more often or would you prefer to be alone more often?" But "how often is an interaction with the average person going to be positive, for you?"

[microcosmiclymbic]

Ran out of 1:1 hours for reimbursement again 😩

Picked up more groups tho! So that's at least $275 groups + $80 meetings + $100 p2p = $455 a month in pay

Coming from $4k a mo? It's fucking bullshit. Rent is $300 (usually. Sometimes $600). Food is also expensive cause disabled.

[queenlucythevaliant]

Okay, here we go. Rating literary allusions in Taylor Swift songs:

The Outside: "I tried to take the road less traveled by /but nothing seems to work the first few times/am I right?"--Starting off pretty well! She tried to take the road less traveled by, but it didn't make any difference. 8/10

Love Story: Whole song allusion to Romeo and Juliet-- All those 2008 jokes about Taylor not having read R&J weren't funny then and they aren't funny now. It's a fun, satisfying subversion. However, I am going to dock points for the fact that Romeo and Juliet aren't a prince and princess, just rich. 7/10

Love Story: "You were Romeo/I was a scarlet letter"--Is the Juliet character in "Love Story" being publicly shamed? Did she do something scandalous? There are zero other lines in this song to suggest that she did, and a fair amount of evidence that she didn't. This allusion confuses rather than clarifies and tbh this is the one people should've made fun of in 2008. 2/10

New Romantics: "We show off our different scarlet letters/ trust me, mine is better" --Hooray! She figured out what the book is about! This is a beautifully executed allusion, where "scarlet letters" represents a mark of something shameful which, in a fun subversion, is being shown off with pride. Fits the song really well. Most improved award, 11/10

Getaway Car: "It was the best of times, the worst of crimes" (A Tale of Two Cities) -- Goes in the category of "fun wordplay, but doesn't really mean anything deeper" 5/10

This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things: "Feeling so Gatsby for that whole year" --This is a perfectly serviceable allusion, but not a super interesting one. Sub "Gatsby" out with "nostalgic" and the song wouldn't change at all. She could've done a lot more with the reference, given the subject matter of the song. 6/10

cardigan: "I knew you/tried to change the ending/Peter losing Wendy" -- This works! You get a sense of Betty losing her innocence and choosing to leave James and of it being inevitable somehow. Plus, it imbues the song with a lovely fairy tale quality. 10/10

illicit affairs: "take the road less traveled by/tell yourself you can always stop" -- To take the road less traveled by is to do something risky, unpopular, or unfamiliar, not just to take a route through town where you won't run into people. Not totally egregious, but the regression from Debut is disappointing. 4/10

invisible string: "and isn't it just so pretty to think/ that all along there was some/ invisible string tying you to me."(The Sun Also Rises)--Ugggggh. Okay, so "Isn't it pretty to think so?" is this sad, tired, ironic note in The Sun Also Rises. Brett tells Jake, "We could have had a damned good time together" and Jake says "Isn't it pretty to think so?" because their whole situationship was never going to work. It's not a positive thing; it's pure, bitter Lost Generation irony. Completely out-of-place in a song about how two people we're supposed to believe will actually work as a couple. This one drives me nuts, and I don't even like Hemingway. 0/10

happiness: "I hope she'll be a beautiful fool/ who takes my spot next to you" (Gatsby)--Saying this about an ex's future SO is so... off. Like, the reason why Daisy hopes her daughter will be a beautiful fool is because it's easy. The two situations have nothing to do with one another, and not in an interesting way. 1/10

The Albatross: whole song allusion to "The Rime of the Ancient Mariner," but most notably "She's the albatross/ she is here to destroy you"--The albatross in the Rime is a good omen. The Mariner shoots is for no reason, and the albatross's death is the ostensible source of bad fortune. I wrote a whole separate post on this here. That said, culturally "albatross=bad omen" is common enough, so whatever. 3/10

I Hate It Here: "I will go to secret gardens in my mind/ people need a key to get to/ the only one is mine" -- I like this one a lot. Exactly the right vibe for the song, trying to escape something miserable by going somewhere pleasant. The key is a nice touch. Poor Archibald. 10/10

The Prophecy: "I got cursed like Eve got bitten" --No Taylor, that's not what happened. Famously, Eve was the biter in that situation. 0/10

Cassandra: whole song allusion -- correct me if I'm wrong (I haven't actually read the Illiad), but my understanding is that Cassandra died fairly far into the Trojan war, and not by burning. 4/10

[honestlydarkprincess]

You Wanna Talk Fic?

tagged by @wikiangela !! thanks beloved<3

How many wips do you have currently?

i just counted them and lasdkfj i have 99

Which one are you finding the hardest to finish? Why do you think that is?

Honestly I'm struggling with a lot of them because the words don't want to come :( but that's why i keep them simmering so i can add a sentence or two every now and then and eventually they'll get done. I have one fic that's sooooo close to being done but I stopped mid smut and now I'm like ugggggh I have to get back into that exact headspace

What does it usually look like when inspiration strikes for you?

I get inspired by all sorts of random things so there's no one way it looks tbh. Sometimes I'm in the shower, sometimes it's a dream, sometimes it's a song, sometimes I'll just be sitting here and suddenly am like hey you know what could be an idea...

Do you go balls to the wall and write as you go or are you more organized?

Both! I wrote 12k of a [redacted] fic in a frenzy with a loose idea once and then other times I make a strict outline. I do try to keep outlines/notes to gather my thoughts but alas, sometimes it's just me yapping

tagging: @bigfootsmom, @usersiren, @watchyourbuck, @itdoesntrhyme, @lonelychicago,

@monsterrae1, @father-salmon, @underwaterninja13, @eddiebabygirldiaz, @jdeanmorgan

[animentality]

god.

why is lord of the rings so fucking good, what the fuck.

i haven't re watched these movies since i was like ten, but now as an adult, i am shook.

im gonna vomit. they look so fucking good, the characters are so interesting, the battles are epic, the cgi and practical effects have me breathing very badly. the music is melting my brain out my ears.

sam is the best fucking character, do not @ me...

ugggggh and rohan answers gondor's call for aid, eowyn kills the witch king, sam carries frodo, aragorn saves the day with the army of the undead as the rightful king of gondor, shelob, the eagles, that scene where frodo forgets legolas' name...

fuccccck me.

[insanitysscribblings]

I mean you'd with the least amount of pressure possible but, would you ever think about writing a book? Every once and a while I remember how it felt reading Back to Us and I just wish I could read a story that was fully yours.

HAAAAAAA.

Friend.

Let me tell you a story about what was my writing journey post 2020 for me.

As some of you might know, I finished a book at the very end of 2020, by the title of Charlatans. It's an adult novel about three voodoo-touched adult siblings who make Faustian bargains to find their long-missing father in exchange for their hearts' deepest desires.

I was super proud of it. My first full-fledged novel, something I had always known I was capable of doing. The hard part was over.

Or so I thought.

See, to be a GOOD novelist, you have to let your work marinate. So that's what I did: I sat on it for a few months, not touching it at all, not even remembering that it existed. After those few months, I set to the hard work of editing.

When I tell you it is SO hard to edit a book you know is missing SOMETHING, but you have no idea what...ugh. And asking for beta readers was tasking, 'cause the thing was over 90K words. I did still ask, of course, but didn't really manage to get a lot of feedback at that time of editing.

Nevertheless! I pressed on. Started researching literary agents, fully aware that with a single project, you only get ONE shot with each agent.

I had a spreadsheet. I had my query letter. I had detailed notes on who to ask for and why. I was ready.

And so I started querying.

...The agents that didn't straight up ignore me gave me automated rejections. The agents that didn't do that gave me personal rejections.

And the one or two agents that actually bothered to ask AND read the whole manuscript?

They loved it!

Just...not enough to publish it.

So. Here I am, with a fully finished manuscript and no one looking to publish it. What do I do?

I put it away and go back to the drawing board, because clearly, I'm missing something. But since no rejection is personalized enough, I don't know WHAT.

Frustration makes me put it down, and I let it sit for a few more months.

Until #DVPIT.

For the uninitiated, #DVPIT is a literary event in which diverse prospective writers and established agents come together to discover new working relationships. The diverse writer has three chances to pitch their project throughout the day to agents, and if agents like your pitch, you may send them your query package. Cool, right?

I take the day off work. I have my pitches queued on my phone, ready to go. Throughout the day, I strategically post them at peak hours, keeping my fingers crossed for even one single agent's attention.

The event runs for an extra week to give agents a chance to read the thousands of pitches flooding the Discord channel. I wait.

No likes. Not a single one.

Now, this part I'm less bitter about, because 150 characters to describe my book? That's just ridiculous. And the comp titles to prove that people would like it? Ugggggh. Not an opportunity to really sell Charlatans.

But this means that, still, my first novel is without an agent. No agent, no publication.

So I put it away again and decide to move on.

And before you ask, yes, I did look into self-publishing. Still lowkey looking, but it's tough, since everything seems like a scam nowadays. And don't even get me started on the AI books being published.

I know you didn't ask for this rant, @hydrogen-ann and for that, I apologize. But TL;DR: a published book is currently a pipe dream for me, though not for lack of trying.

Bitterness aside, thank you so, so much. I'm so happy you'd be interested in something original of mine. If I ever push Charlatans out the door/find the time to write an entirely NEW novel, I'll be sure to let you know 💜

[burning-brightly]

Okay. So Lils tells me I have followers now. And that made me realize I didn't think things through, cause how am I supposed to know who all you are if I can't see your posts?

Ugggggh. Where's my coffee and cream and sugar? Hannah's getting on my case about neglecting my studies again, but seriously what's the point?

My strength isn't learning crap I don't wanna know. It's my super duper extroverted nature. Geez, describing myself is so weird. Lils, can you cut that? No. Ugh. Anyway.

ANYWAY, the job market is shit. It like requires you 10 years experience for an entry-level job or they underpay you because corpos don't care for people at the bottom of the rung - they know there's always a desperate person out there. Besides, we all know that government is slowly becoming a puppet of corporations with all the lobbying and money that gets spread around.

Did you know they recently passed a law here that allows corporations to have their own standing army? Of course, they call it "security to protect their assets", but who are they protecting themselves with the heat they're packing? Shoplifters facing off against automatic rifles and explosives? Ha.

In any case, either corporations will completely take over - and it'll be about who you know - everyone else gets exploited. Or people get fed up, and there will be a bloody revolution before I turn 18 which will naturally cause a recession. Sooo, education for a job is pretty much meaningless. Not quite sure what I wanna be except to be a leech on society, cause why do work when I don't have to?

[1moreff-creator]

Psst, hey FF, heyyyyyy FF :DD Did you know- hear me out did you know Have you ever considered that the themes of trust as well as the themes of redemption/improvement VS regression/stagnation within DRDT would work really well for a Milgram environment due to Milgram's own themes and the main gimmick of voting a prisoner forgiven or unforgiven? /enabling you (/joke)

why do you do this to me.

It does work very well, you're right! The prison environment would definitely cause tensions to flare up, and given the general stress of the Forgiven/Unforgiven verdicts I imagine a lot of the same "trust-not trust" cycles we see in canon DRDT would realistically repeat. Ace cutting himself off from fear (come on, they're all murderers), Min and Xander never leaving the other alone (especially because they would both have opinions on Milgram as a system), Teruko's luck fucking everything up regularly, and God knows what else with the verdicts. At least Arturo should never find out about J's real name, so she gets some peace at least. And the same verdicts would definitely expedite change, sometimes positive but knowing Milgram usually negative. There's already enough chaos with the ten canon prisoners, now you have sixteen of them? The whole prison's gonna burn by the end!

Ugggggh the ideas they are consuming me. I really am not expecting to do a full three trials of this, or even putting that much thought into something that's expressely for more or less lighthearted fun, but like- the themes though. They require verdicts. aaaaaaaa Okay back to normal. Take care!

[dreamwritesimagines]

“Yet, it wasn’t enough to stop you.” they’re like horny teenager sneaking around this is so cute and so funny at the same time LMAO. but awww :(( Anthony didn’t get to do Aftercare which is very very important and which is prolly why she feels a bit iffy afterwards. 

“Last night was perfect, and so had been the morning—up until that point.” sigh......i mean, what did i say last time. it’s never going to be easy, especially when you hear it constantly. and she really needs to open up to Anthony about it too!

the museum! <3 it still baffles me that Cece actually owns a museum all bc of one (1) painting she liked but Elias just said, nope you’re having ALL OF THEM ALSKASK. we love a whipped golden retriever <3 “Of course,” you lied through your teeth. ugggggh she needs to stop bottling this upppp. she’s not helping herself by shouldering this alone tbh. “Vices and Virtues theme” ....inch-resting.... and the men going as vices and the ladies as virtues...sounds about right lmao in that era, at least. “What is Anthony going to be by the way? Lust?” Cece always making all the sense LMAO BC THAT’S SO FITTING. but what would he wear tho?? a white button up with all the buttons undone? LMAO Cherie would DIE. i mean tbh, Anthony could literally wear anything and he’d STILL be the personification of Lust lmao. “But then we realized Elias is going to be there, so…” pfft, i say go for it. make Elias squirm LMAO. “He will be Pride.” lmao yeah, that’s fitting as well alksalkslaks

“Wrath.” course she is!!! AND I CANNOT WAIT FOR HER BAD BITCH ENTRANCE!! as t.swift once said, she don’t dress for women! she don’t dress for men! SHE’S DRESSING FOR REVENGE! she’s on her Vigilante Shit™ and i am HERE FOR IT.

“You will tell me what’s wrong.” THANK U CECE. i love her so much. like i loveeeee how nothing ever gets past her and ugh their friendship <3

“Because it’s starting to feel less like we’re pretending each day.” gosh SHE NEEDS TO TALK TO HIM. like i’m sure it’s nothing, and she’s just getting into her head a lil. but i guess their moments are being cut short so she also can’t find the time really. and when they’re together their mouths are busy with.....other things. BUT STILL. TALK TO HIM.

“No, that’s not normal.” aslkalksalks why’d i find this so funny. obvs since Cherie is so energetic it is kinda weird that she’s tired but like, everyone can simply be tired Anthony LMAO. even the most energetic of people. it’s why we sleep LKASLASALK but hey, maybe that’s just his Husband-tuition, he just knows something is wrong without knowing what it is yet.

“I have a gift for you.” GASP IS IT THE??? omg OMG OMG I REALLY HOPE NOT BUT MY BRAIN JUST. WHAT IF SHE’S GOING TO TAKE IT THE WRONG WAY??? THAT ANTHONY BOUGHT HER A HOUSE??? AND IT’LL MAKE HER THINK THAT HE’S TRYING TO GET RID OF HER??? i really hope not and that’s just my overthinking but AAH.

“You got me a ledger!” LMAAAAAAAAO this reminded me of that video of that kid who got a potato for christmas and he was just like “it’s a potatoooo, thaaaanksss” in the cutest and happiest way bc he didn’t mind he got just a potato alskalkslaks

Happy tears rushed into your eyes THANK FUCK. okay i can breathe now lmao. panicked for absolutely nothing alskalkslaksal. but no this is SOOOO CUTEEEEEEEEE. love a man who buys you a house in the street, hell, the country you grew up in no less. don’t settle for less alkslakslaks i’m kidding but aaah this is so sweet <33

“Tell me. What made you think that?” ugh he’s too good for this world stooop. “Darling, nothing could make me love you less.” AWWWW <33 see what happens if you just TALK about your feelings??? aksalkslas 

“Like a second honeymoon?” yep he should deffo dress up at Lust™ like he just has it in his blood if i’m honest. Anthony is like 50% man, 50% lust LMAO. “Would they hear us do you think?” on second thought let them BOTH be Lust. matching like the Obsessed Harlots™ that they are <3

gosh i love the concepts of the ball, how the design of the outside is very different from the inside. omg....half an hour fireworks????? so we’re going all in on this huh jfc. “Fire breathing?” MY THOUGHTS EXACLY LUCIE LMAO “It’s safe!” // “It’s fire!” LMAAAAO Lucie is so me right now. “If a lady or lord that I don’t like catches fire, I’m not going to help you extinguish it.” SHE IS ME I AM HER. she’s such a mood i love her.

“I got it.” i can’t insert a gif but *insert “ladies and gentlemen, we got him” meme here* lol “He signed it.” LIKE THE FOOL THE HE IS BWAHAHAHA. “Who could’ve known all that drinking with Eli would actually pay off?” yeah no shit LMAO. good thing neither of them had alcohol poisoning bc i’m pretty sure it was getting there alskalslaks

“Well, the ball is only days away.” oh.....my......genius, absolute GENIUS. I TOLD YOU SHE’S ON HER VIGILANTE SHIT™️ !!! that’s her whole vibe next chapter i swear. we LOVE a public execution but not gorey or anything like that but more a, rich, fancy and classy way. i mean, it’s a ball, nothing fancier than that.

“I think we all deserve to see him dragged out like the traitor he is.” YES YOU DO. AND WE ALL NEED TO SEE IT. AAAH I CAN’T WAIT TO SEE THIS MAN GETTING DRAGGED TO THE MUD. JAIL TIME FOR U BROTHA.  Anthony chuckled. “If that’s what you want.” WE LOVE A SUPPORTIVE MAN WHO ENABLES OUR NEED FOR A DRAMATIC REVENGE lksalksalks

but gosh. that ball would be the talk of the ton for YEARS i tell you. and that’s how you show them who’s the Boss Bitch™️ and the Badass Queen™️ i loveeeee. we’re closing this series with a bang i see and i cannot wait for it!!

– TM Anon™️

TM ANON MY DARLING, I AM SO FANGIRLING OVER YOU RN OMG-

YOU’RE AMAZING, AND YOU’VE MADE ME SO HAPPY WITH THIS! ❤🥰🥰

Yessss, I think that’s exactly why she feels weird! Like, aftercare always happens with them, and that was the first time it didn’t 💔

They need to talk about it! ❤

Elias is such a golden retriever 😍 What do we think he will go as btw? Because I doubt he will go as a vice, he’s too cute for that 😁❤

a white button up with all the buttons undone? Oh Cherie would totally die if she saw him in that😈 Elias on the other hand would be grumbling for the whole night 😂

He will still be lusty in Pride costume I’d say 😏

She will have such a great entrance! And considering literally no young lady ever really wore red in that era, since it was the era of soft colors like white and pale pink and blue and stuff….It will make such a great impression on the ton 😈

Cece can see right through her 😂

“THEIR MOUTHS ARE BUSY WITH OTHER THINGS” I AM SCREAMING 😂

Husband-tuition I’m so making this a part of my vocabulary now, because it’s genius 😂

Omg I actually considered that idea! We think the same! ❤ At first I wanted to make her panic a little for thinking Anthony bought that house to send her away 😱❤

Lolll she was so happy with the ledger! 😂 I feel like all the characters think that Cherie loves grand gestures and expensive gifts and everything, but she actually just likes gifts from the people she loves 😂 Anthony could just buy her a simple ledger and it would be so precious to her 😍

They are learning slowly but surely how to communicate lolll😂 Like, if it were a couple of months ago, Cherie would refuse to talk about it but now she’s starting to see how important communication is, and they’re like…improving as a couple! ❤

yep he should deffo dress up at Lust™ like he just has it in his blood if i’m honest. Anthony is like 50% man, 50% lust LMAO. LUST FITS HIM PERFECTLY😂 And yesssss, Cherie is almost as bad as him at this point, neither of them can get enough of each other 😈

That ball will be the biggest ball of the season 😏 Cherie knows how to throw one, and the ton has been waiting for it ever since she and Anthony got married ❤

Lucie is so convinced that Cherie will either burn down the house or make someone catch on fire 😂

HE GOT THE PAPER! 😏

I’m still surprised they didn’t get alcohol poisoning in Stormview OR when Anthony asked him to be his best man 😂  

YESSSSS IT’S GONNA HAPPEN AT THE BALL! 😈 And considering the whole ton will be there… He’s going to pay for what he put Cassie through 😏

Anthony is totally going with whatever she wants 😂 He is so in loveeee🥰

We definitely are closing the series with a bang, and you’re right, that ball will be the talk of the ton for years for sure 😈😈 Cassie would be proud lol😂

Darliiiing I hope you’ll like the final chapter as well! ❤ You’ve made my day so so much better with this, I hope you know how amazing you are! ❤❤❤ ILYSM, thank you! 🥰❤❤

[vergoftowels]

20(ish) episodes into The Mystic Nine: How it's going so far...

I watched The Mystic Nine: Qing Shan Hai Tang because Zhu Zanjin is in it, and now I am watching the series.

Things I love: FO YE!!!!!, Zhang Rishan!!!!, Ba Ye, the Republican Era fashion sense, the whole auction sequence, Er Ye's intro sequence when Fo Ye comes to the opera house

Things I am not quite sold on even though I was hoping I would love them: Er Ye (okay I love him in the movie but he is not present plotwise for most of the first half so far for reasons), Ya Tou (okay I cried a lot but she is sadly really underdeveloped), their love story (see previous), the tomb raiding (need more of this!!)

Things I started out loving but now really do not like: Yin Xinyue (UGGGGGH WHY she started so cute and then got extremely overbearing and whiny real fucking fast!)

Things I am confused about: how old is everyone, Chen Pi's whole everything, "alive person" and "dead person" tombs (but I'm willing to just let them talk at me about that lol), Hendry Cox's actor's acting choices =__=

[the-cat-chat]

March 30, 2024

Donnie Darko (2001)

During the presidential election of 1988, a teenager named Donnie Darko sleepwalks out of his house one night and sees a giant, demonic-looking rabbit named Frank, who tells him the world will end in 28 days.

Warning: Review may contain spoilers. Read at your own risk.

JayBell: This is my second watch of Donnie Darko, and I have to admit that I still didn’t quite “get it” in its entirety. Normally that would bother me, but honestly I don’t mind it here. Donnie Darko is more of a movie that you experience and feel. It’s bizarre but also interesting and engaging. Even if I’m asking “what the fuck?” I’m still having a good time.

The acting isn’t anything to complain about in my opinion (Seth Rogan what are you doing here? Also is that a stray Ashley Tisdale?). Baby Jake Gyllenhaall plays his part well as an extremely emotionally disturbed young man.

I love the exploration of cause and effect and figuring out how all the puzzle pieces fit together. It’s a bit of sci-fi, a bit of mystery, and a bit psychological horror maybe? Whatever it is, I like it. And maybe I’ll understand just a bit more every time I watch it.

P.S. Shoutout to the song Mad World by Gary Jules. What a perfect fit to the movie.

Rating: 7/10 cats 🐈

Anzie: I am shocked to say I really like this out there pick for Easter. I wanted to watch it as a joke, but I was pleasantly surprised. Now I am not saying it’s not weird at moments or that I’m totally crushed by the ending (sooorrry) bc there were some moments I was definitely like wow. And why? And WhATttt?

But can we just start with the basics. Uhhh baby Jake Gyllenhaal??? So glad he grew into the eyebrows. And his sister??? That being said I did like the family and think it really balanced how when a family is concerned but also trying to get through it the best they can while dealing with other things. And the dad was funny and I liked how the mom dealt with that annoying lady.

I will say- the airplane engine falling into his bed- didn’t question until the end- when I knew the truth- which is really odd I know. But time travel really whacks out my brain and I was sorely unprepared for it in this movie. I thought Donnie Darko was the bunny and a homicidal killer. But whatever. I think it was interesting that the first have you think it’s just Donnie losing his grip on reality and for the entire time you question what’s happening, like a fun little guessing game.

Needless to say Frank really creeps me out - his voice is totally uncalled for. I totally thought it was a coincidence the sister had a friend named Frank but then all was revealed. And the Easter egg of the bunny pumpkin!!! Anywhoooo although I was bummed out about the ending I really liked the entire plot of it and how there’s so much going on. Even though I hate that baby Donnie Darko died and there’s plenty of ideas around it- and I hate the gym teacher- I firmly believe what she and the freak Patrick Swayze preached that Donnie finally stopped acting in fear and started acting out of love - and that he chose to sacrifice himself for his family and fix the timeline. Bc all of his problems were rooted in the fear he held, which as a teenage is A LOT of fear. Ugggggh. - I really think how everyone else left behind had a sense of Deja vu was an interesting aspect. And now I’m sad againnnnnnn. Gaaa.

^ also why is it not common knowledge that Ashley Tisdale, Jerry Trainor, or Seth Rogan are in this???

Rating: 7/10 BunBuns 🐇

[hartshorn-and-isinglass]

Day 10.

Intonation, blah blah... you know the drill.

Got really bogged down trying to hit those natural harmonics. My prefrontal cortex was getting in the way of my cerebellum... classic blunder. I've apparently got to visualize "lift"... why does that work? I dunno, who cares. But now I'm like, should I try this trick with the original fingering or do I just need to keep it fucking moving because I've got plenty of other problems to tackle here...

Which I guess leads me to my other question: two weeks is coming up, am I just gonna... stop playing this altogether and move onto some other piece? This shit isn't going to be playable by Friday. My most optimistic guess would be at least another week after that to be able to run through the whole thing without completely losing the plot on either my chosen fingering or the bowing, and that's very optimistic. But at the same time, "a week or two away from maybe playable" is so tempting. Ugggggh I dunno. I mean, I don't think I'm going to subject Spouse to this, LOL. I might... uggggggggh I might just record it for reference, with the hopes that I can look back on it in a year and laugh at how bad it was and how much progress I'll have made since then.

[kinetic-elaboration]

April 6: Production Studio

This was a tough day physically and I am really feeling it. To the point where I'm a little worried, actually?

I went to the Production Studio at the main campus library with one of my co-workers and met my student there so we could practice using the equipment in a low-stakes environment before the next oral history. This was my idea, and I do think it was a good one and I'm glad we did it but at what cost...

My co-worker isn't involved in the project generally. She was there to be our guinea pig subject. I won't lie, I was really assuming she would drive us over but she wanted to walk because she didn't want to pay for parking. Which, I mean, that's fair; finding a spot is also a pain right now because of the construction. It's about a 20 minute walk, which is one of those distances that's like... just long enough to take a big chunk of time round-trip and to be obnoxious in bad conditions but short enough where you feel like, well, it's not that far, it's not that a big deal, might as well do it...

It was 80 degrees today though and we were walking so fast. Even on the way back. Why so fast? Am I a slow walker? Was it actually a normal pace and I'm just weak? I don't know. I was just trying to catch up tbh. And when we got there, I was like, Thank the Merciful Heavens now we will be cool. LOL. Nope. It was 80 degrees in the production studio. And then we had to walk back. Uggggh.

Anyway, the actual hour in the studio went well, I think. I was essentially 'in charge' of it because, of the two employees, I was the one actually working on the project, and of the two people involved in the project, I was the "supervisor." Lmao. Also it was my idea. But I'm not, like, a forceful leader? Not sufficiently confident? I don't know, I was trying my best. I signed up for this gig to practice and learn and stretch myself so that's what I'm doing. So I tried to sort of direct things and make suggestions and keep on top of shit. I think I did okay, overall. I'd give myself a B at it. We ended up shooting 3 videos, one normal, one with a black outfit on a black background (for added difficulty), and one that was purposefully not-good, so we could test the limits of editing. I feel better about the studio--hardly expert but I have gone from doing this essentially zero times to 4 times and I think it'll be easier with our next interview. And my student thinks she understands the lights, which is great because I do not. I'm trying but I see no differences.

After we got back, I did some work but mostly just... recovered. My feet and legs hurt so bad that I was limping home. I do so much walking that I feel like this is really pathetic of me but ugggggh. I took a nap when I got home, and then I got up to eat dinner. I feel better now that I have eaten but also I am sitting so... I really don't want to go to work tomorrow. I don't mind the being at work since I don't have anything hard on the agenda but I do not want to GO to work. I'm just hoping a shower, some more sleep, and some more time will help.

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i wanted to write tonight but i have literally never felt this tired before, so alas