the-cat-chat

[the-cat-chat]

November 2, 2024

Fear Street Part One: 1994 (2021)

After a series of brutal slayings, a teen and her friends take on an evil force that's plagued their notorious town for centuries.

Warning: Review may contain spoilers. Read at your own risk.

JayBell: To close off the spooky season, we end on a modern take on a slasher movie that I've been curious about for a while now.

The best way to describe this movie is if the CW decided to make a slasher movie but it's also rated R. It's a popcorn slasher. It's very dramatic and over the top. But I didn't hate it? It feels like the most juvenile rated R film, but it's also entertaining at the same time. I really like the concept of this connected anthology that jumps through time.

It's insane that one girl barely goes off the side of the road and somehow disturbs some crazy witch's grave. Was she buried only four inches in the dirt? And they go back later and find all this evidence like it's been lying there forever and not ten feet off the road.

I do have to ask why they never consider leaving town. Are they like trapped there? Stop running around town with a bunch of killers and hop on a plane at LAX with a dream and a cardigan?? Hello??

Also, our main character is kind of messed up. She's angry that her girlfriend moved to a rival town, broke up with her, and then got mad at her in a jealous rage that she moved on with a guy. Like grow up. Be mature. At the same time, it's crazy that the ex-girlfriend's new boyfriend is murdered in front of them and they don't really care. Sure he was a douche, but they're back together not even hours later. Screw him I guess?

Anywayssss. It isn't a perfect movie, but I am interested. They leave enough open to encourage you to watch the next movie and I have to admit it's working. I do want to know what happens next (or before?). So I'm sure we will be back to watch the others eventually.

Rating: 5.5/10 cats 🐈

Anzie: Following up Malignant could make anything look good, but his was still pretty iffy. The concept is good but the acting and follow through and dialogue is really cringe. Like these kids need to chillllllll. They’re doing too much. And I get that the town might influence the kids in Shadyside, but what’s the Sunnyvale peeps excuse? And the all the killers come back thing bc of a witch- cool. But uhhh let’s glorify drug dealing for half of the movie and then od the one girl (not to mention drown her too! 😱) and then give her enough epipens to kill a elephant?!?! And the bread slicer??? No. Sorry but no. It’s traumatic being subject to cringey teenager behavior one second and bread slicer deaths the next. I knew when I saw that thing. And I have a question. This stupid cop obviously knows what’s going on bc he slips a note in the door of someone that survived it before- but he could have hellllllppppped them. And then blaming everything on ax boy and bread slicer girl??? This town knows what’s going on- that poor boy was employee of the month FOR EVERY MONTH- how are you spinning this junkie story?!?! And she was the cheerleader?? And the girls still got this with in her. What the fluff man. And it’s bad. But I have to know what happens next. Like whatsssssss this witch’s game mannnn. And who was the copper in the past??? Plus the next one is supposed to have Sadie Sink, but it’s probably like Maya Hawk, where it’s 15 secs of screen time before the witch gets you. Also. That reminds me. So she wants the girl right. Bc she disturbed her grave. Right. But how was the witch just Willy nilly possessing all the other killers at random?? Did I miss that??

Rating: 4/10 Witches 🧙‍♀️

[the-cat-chat]

October 31, 2024

Malignant (2021)

Paralyzed by fear from shocking visions, a woman's torment worsens as she discovers her waking dreams are terrifying realities.

Warning: Review may contain spoilers. Read at your own risk.

JayBell: I hate to victim blame, but maybe this is my fault. We wanted an actually scary movie for Halloween night and this is what we landed on. And oh boy oh boy do I have stuff to say.

First of all, only maybe the first ten minutes were scary because you don't know what's going, the motive, it's all mysterious. It's fear of the unknown. But Anzie and I had a good understanding of what was going on pretty early on, which for me, took away almost all of the scare factor. Maybe we've just seen too many movies, or maybe this movie isn't as twisty as it likes to pretend it is.

From very early on, I found myself actually rooting for the creature, which also took away the scare factor. Let's talk about it. The creature starts killing (after killing asshole husband) all these doctors/researchers. Who cares? As the viewer, we have no emotional connection to these people. The assumptions we are able to make about these victims make them seem like unethical people anyways, so it seems like the perfect case of revenge to me.

Furthermore, the cops/police/detectives are some of the most cliche dumb officers I've seen in a movie. At one point, the detective gets a lead on a vicious serial killer and decides to go alone? Not only does he go with zero backup, he doesn't call backup when he encounters the creature which is just silly to me. I can only suspend belief so much. And the idea that they have a hypnotherapist ready to go for a consult? Wow.

The movie exposition dumps like crazy in the most inelegant way possible. For example, we meet the husband and immediately he is the most cliche, stereotypical abusive husband. In a subsequent scene, the main character just randomly decides to share that she's adopted to her sister and has absolutely no memories of her childhood. Righhhhht what a natural time to share this info. And the sister??? She decides to check out this old abandoned hospital thing ON HER OWN and it's perfectly intact and hasn't been sold or cleared out and trips over perfectly preserved records and video tapes of her sister/sister's mom that conveniently share everything that's happening. Yep.

And the big reveal. The wig itself needs its own comment. Cause it's fake as hell and everybody knows it. I couldn't stop laughing at the reveal because it's just Voldemort in the first Harry Potter movie. Seriously it's the exact same concept and even looks visually similar. And the special effects are terrible.

And the ending where our main character just finds the power within her all along? I am speechless. Plus, what's with the devil implication? That was underdeveloped. And why bring in the mom in the present at all? What was the point?

This definitely goes down as one of the worst movies of the year. Happy Halloween I guess.

Rating: 1/10 cats 🐈

Anzie: I hate it. I really don’t wanna talk about it. What an awful way to spend Halloween. I’m still searching for a hypnotist to remove it from my brain. It wasn’t terrible maybe for the first 10/15 minutes and was actually scary with the shadow person. But after that. Murder me. It was so bad. And makes no sense but also does??? It’s more of a whyyy does it exist. I’d rather watch 10 Friday the 13ths back to back. The efffectssss are actually the worst I’ve ever seen. And when they aren’t terrible they’re traumatizing. And the movie is so terrible to even try and take itself seriously. I think this is a never watch and anyone that says it’s good is either lying about seeing it or just admitted a GIANT red flag.

Rating: 0/10 Demons 👹

[the-cat-chat]

October 26, 2024

Saw (2004)

Two men regain consciousness while chained to pipes at either end of a filthy bathroom. As the two men realize they've been trapped by a sadistic serial killer nicknamed "Jigsaw," they realize they must complete his perverse puzzle to live.

Warning: Review may contain spoilers. Read at your own risk.

JayBell: We finally cross the first of another famous horror movie franchise off our list. I'm happy that this one is less of a slasher and more of a psychological horror movie with slasher-esque elements. It's way more interesting to watch two potential victims be pit against each other in sadistic mind games than watch a group of idiots stumble around and get killed. It is much gorier than I anticipated, which I neither really dislike nor like, but it does effectively up the stakes for the victims in the story.

I like the setup of this movie. Just put two very different victims together, seemingly strangers, and force them into this terrible scenario. I actually appreciate how the two men didn't immediately try to kill the other person to save themselves. I think the movie does a great job balancing moments in which they work together and moments in which they can be a little more selfish.

The big twists of the movie are okay. Like we predicted the most obvious one almost immediately because truly there isn't that many characters in the movie. So by process of elimination you already know who the bad guys are. But the final final reveal I didn't quite predict, even though it seems obvious in retrospect too. Also, that's a very risky plan for Jigsaw. What if he had to sneeze? That would be so embarrassing for him.

I know the one surviving cop with the dead partner is experiencing some kind of mental breakdown, but does he seriously try to go after Jigsaw on his own, no calling the police, no backup, no nothing? He even interrupts a home invasion without calling the police. Yeah, that seems smart. Maybe he parted on bad terms and holds a grudge? Let's go with that.

In the end, I'm not sure we're gonna continue with the series, but never say never. There are plenty of Halloweens in the future.

Rating: 5.5/10 cats 🐈

Anzie: I have to be honest as awful as this movie is and as much as I have no desire to ever see it again or anymore sequels due to the gore and sounds these movies have, I appreciate the actual existence of a plot. I went into this thinking that it was just a weird puppet that keeps people in a torture maze until he murders them. I knew the second Michael Emerson popped up he was involved though, he gives that vibe plus being the same time his two shows were popular it makes sense. Butttttt I always thought that he was working with the killer not bc the killer was forcing him too with the threat of death. And for the actual guyyy to lay entirely stillllllllll in the room with the other two guys???? And not react!?!?! I do like how the guy says the dead guy’s blood (his blood? Which isn’t possible?? But whatever!) has enough poison that it would make you wanna die- and meaning the treatment he received for cancer, not poison as part of the game- so it’s alluded to being him from the start but you don’t see it until looking back. Can we discuss two other things tooo. If your child says a man’s in her room. Take her seriously. Pls. The reaction to that in this movie is just insane. And what’s with the pig mask?? Never ever explained but what the whattt. Absolutely terrifying. Anyway. I feel bad about the end bc the guy’s like oh you had the key all along. But he was in a tuuuubbbb and it went down the drainnnnn. That was so awful. After everything. And why didn’t it pick up with the dr guy finding the cops or anything?? Tooo I got really big Seven vibes- but that was better?? I guess bc it was from the detectives perspective? IDK.

Rating: 4/10 Cats 🐈‍⬛

[the-cat-chat]

October 19, 2024

Caddo Lake (2024)

When an 8-year-old girl disappears on Caddo Lake, a series of past deaths and disappearances begin to link together, altering a broken family's history.

Warning: Review may contain spoilers. Read at your own risk.

JayBell: This movie is listed as horror, which is what placed it in Spooky Month this October. But really is isn't a horror movie in my opinion at all, more of a mystery/thriller. So in retrospect, not a movie that fits the theme.

Anyways, I have to preface this by saying I do love Dylan O'Brien, so I was predisposed to like this movie from the beginning. And I don’t think it disappointed. If you like the (spoiler!) travel travel genre, like I do, then it’s a solid story. It’s not perfect by any means, like I won’t be talking about it to my grandchildren, but it’s good.

I like the mystery aspect as always. I'm very proud of Anzie and I for collectively predicting what was going on pretty early on, although it did lessen the emotional impact of the "big twist." It isn't too confusing for a time travel movie, since we didn't even have to look anything up after we finished it cause we understood what was going on. The time travel itself (the specific hows and whatever) are kept very vague and unexplored. I feel like the movie is trying to communicate a theme about man's destruction of nature and connecting it to the time travel, but it feels like an afterthought.

The time travel is important, yes, but truly this is more of a family drama from multiple angles. I wish they explain more of the relationship between the main girl and her stepfather. From what I can understand, he raised her from a very young age, but all of a sudden she has this big resentment for him and I don't exactly know why. Is this a recent change? What was the inciting incident? And I think the movie spends just a bit too much time setting everything up, and as a result, the time travel portions and the conclusion feel too rushed.

Rating: 6.5/10 cats 🐈

Anzie: Okay so the trailer for this movie is veryyy misleading. And I figured what’s spookier than a swamp and a child going missing, that’s a literal nightmare. And real. I mean swamps are scary without missing children or people in general. And kidnapping stuff (which I assumed it was) is also ridiculously frightening, it’s part of the reason I had to stop watching Criminal Minds. Anywaaaay. It’s not scary or spooky so we kinda messed up but we can blame Dylan O’Brien’s cute face, BUT, BUUTTTT, I have to say I realllly loved it and it might be my favorite movie we’ve watched all year, next to Scream. But it’s also time travel (sorrrrry) which I haaaate. Bc it makes my little worm brain hurt(do worms even have brains?) but it was fun figuring out that this was a time jump concept and the fact that the line between this time and whenever it was to jump back to WAS in the swamp- is creepy. But to get me to love time travelly whatever- the movie has to be good. I will say I was mad at the ending but a girl can’t have everything she wants right? Like he and his kid should meet rigggght- for like two secondssss. Also, what’s the mom’s problem?? I know but she also seems extra hostile? And the family treee uuugh my brain but I with it. I hate it but I’ll accept it. It’s just so crazy but it’s a fun movie to piece the parts and be entertained.

Rating: 8/10 Cats 🐈‍⬛

[the-cat-chat]

October 12, 2024

Scream (1996)

A year after the murder of her mother, a teenage girl is terrorized by a masked killer who targets her and her friends by using scary movies as part of a deadly game.

Warning: Review may contain spoilers. Read at your own risk.

JayBell: Just when I had finally given up on slasher movies, we finally get to Scream. Honestly, I’m surprised by how much I enjoyed this movie. It might be my favorite slasher movie we’ve watched so far next to Halloween.

I like the self-aware, break-the-fourth-wall thing they’ve got going on. It’s like all the characters know they’re in a slasher movie and have fun with it. The satire adds to the entertainment. Also, the whodunnit aspect is stronger in this movie than the other slashers we’ve seen. Usually, the identity of the slasher isn't as much in question and doesn't really matter.

Also, I like the characters, which is a huge deal for a slasher movie. Cause usually I'm rooting for the character to die since they're such assholes, really frustrating and stupid, or endlessly annoying. But I actually like the characters in this one. I especially like that they've given a few female characters actual personalities and substance, which you can't always find in slasher movies. And the acting isn't terrible either.

Now the question remains: Are we gonna be able to catch up on all the movies in the franchise before the next one releases?

Rating: 6.75/10 cats 🐈

Anzie: Now I never watched Scream bc I thought it was a joke, especially bc there is like a thousand installments. But I think this might be one of our best movies this year and definitely great for spooky season. It’s not really scary, I mean bc it’s real, sure, but not in like a jump scare way. But we spent the whole time guessing who the real ghost face was. So it was a lot of fun and really interesting to watch. And everyone was such a babyyyy. And I’m shocked her dad was alive at the end. (But it was weird the cops never went out of their way to find him?? But whatever.) And I loved Jamie Kennedy’s character and honestly can’t believe he survived. My final and general thought is for being nearly 30 years ago- for a scary movie, it’s not only suspenseful and kinda scary, but def way better than the iconic movies that came out before it and that I wanna actual see the other installments rather than just trash watch them.

Rating: 7/10 Cats 🐈‍⬛

[the-cat-chat]

September 5, 2024

The Shining (1980)

A family heads to an isolated hotel for the winter, where a sinister presence influences the father into violence. At the same time, his psychic son sees horrifying forebodings from both the past and the future.

Warning: Review may contain spoilers. Read at your own risk.

JayBell: Spooky Month begins with a true horror classic. Stephen King adaptations have a wide variety of quality. And over the last few years of The Cat Chat, we've seen the best and the worst. From the terribly bad IT to the mid Carrie to the incredible Shawshank Redemption, we really are marking them off our list.

So where does The Shining land? Personally, I think it's better than movies like Carrie, but not up there with The Green Mile and Shawshank. It's definitely iconic though. I appreciate the visuals, the cinematography, the set design. And I love a psychic kid plotline (I want to see The Sixth Sense kid fight The Shining kid in battle). But seriously, this kid is freakkkkyyyy. I felt bad for the mom who is like the only normal person in this movie dealing with crazy abusive husband and demon-sounding child.

Truly the true center of this movie, to me at least, isn't about psychic kids or haunted hotels. It's really a story of an abusive marriage. Cause wow. He's an asshole way before being infected by the hotel, it just brings it more to the forefront.

The entire time I couldn't stop comparing Jack Nicholson's facial expressions and performance to Jim Carrey's Grinch. It's uncanny.

Rating: 6.5/10 cats 🐈

Anzie: I waited sooo long for this movie. And the end of September into October has been rouuugh. And Spooky Season Kickoff with the The Shinning was suppose to make everything great. And I’m soo sad bc I bet too much on this one.

First. It’s not scary. At all??? I mean maybe that naked tub granny situation was uncalled for but??? Really??

Second. All this is- truly- is to show the scary possibility you might marry a man that’s actually really horrible- BEFORE he even loses his mind bc of a haunted hotel and tries killing you and your kid. But what do I know. Other than he abused their kid while he came home drunk. Yelled at you when he was “writing.” And just very emotionally and verbally abusive. But heyyy blame the hotel it’s fine.

I get it too that bc the kid has the shine blah blah blah, the hotel wants him. And does this through the dad. But that really felt a little lost in the plot. But I’m dumb. Sooo. Ya know. Whatever. The ending is just ridiculous too. It’s ridiculous. I was hYpeDdd man. For overrrrr a year. And then living on that for like a month. I was ESTATICccc. Rude.

Rating: 5/10 Demons 👹

[the-cat-chat]

September 21, 2024

Fantastic Mr. Fox (2009)

An urbane fox cannot resist returning to his farm raiding ways and then must help his community survive the farmers' retaliation.

Warning: Review may contain spoilers. Read at your own risk.

JayBell: Wes Anderson movies are always an experience, and this one is no exception. Visually, I think this movie is really cool and interesting, and I had a lot of fun watching it. It's got pretty good humor too.

But I can't help but hate our main character, Mr. Fox. He's just so selfish and arrogant for so much of the movie that it's more difficult to root for him. As usual, family is a big theme in Wes Anderson movies. In this one, the father-son dynamic stood out to me where the son is constantly insecure and seeking the approval and attention of his father. It doesn't help that his perfect cousin seems to have it all. And while I appreciate the cousins having a nice relationship arc, I feel like there isn't a similar relationship arc between father and son that satisfied me in the same way. Yeah, he gets the mask in the end, but to me it didn't feel like this change in relationship was "earned," it just happens.

Also, I feel like the movie could have incorporated the cousin's girlfriend in more since she's a part of the "family" at the end, which didn't make sense to me as she didn't appear to be that significant of a character.

But still, it's a unique movie that's worth watching, so I'm glad that I finally got around to it.

Rating: 6/10 cats 🐈

Anzie: This review is going to be redundant. I have to say since I first saw it, this movie had and always will be my top ten movies, if not top five. Andddd I have to say next to Atomic City and The Grand Budapest Hotel, this is my fave Wes Anderson movie. So it’s gonna be a 10/10.

First, the actual creation and art and stop motion. Beautiful and insane. The characters are all so unique in endearing or weird ways. It’s really hard to pick a favorite. Plus you have the regular Wes Anderson regulars voicing those characters, need I say more. I also have to say the replacing cuss words with the actual word “cuss” while still in context permanently set up in my personality from the moment I watched this the first time.

The story too, although not Wes Anderson’s, is so good and I really do love the different messages throughout the movie. From being happy with you have to revenge doesn’t end well to family and community being most important, it’s endless. And I really do think even with the great aesthetic, with the messages, it really is the best thanksgiving/ fall movie.

I will saw, Jaybell mentioned the ending feeling like the end to White Noise, a movie we shall not discuss again. But to find out whhhhhy. Rude. Indoctrinated allll these years. Welllll guess what?!? It didn’t work. Fantastic Fox rulez and White Noise droolZzzz.

Rating: 10/10 Foxes 🦊

[the-cat-chat]

September 14, 2024

Taken (2008)

When his daughter is kidnapped by a gang of human traffickers while vacationing in Paris, a former spy must pull out all the stops to save her.

Warning: Review may contain spoilers. Read at your own risk.

JayBell: I've seen this movie more than a handful of times, even though it's been a while. And yes, the action is pretty good, but it does get old after a while. If I have to see that spoiled brat daughter and mean ex-wife one more time I might scream. The characterization of the daughter is strange. Cause yes, she's supposed to be naive and immature and sheltered, but my god, is it painful. Sometimes it seems as if she's twelve years old.

And don't get me started on the ex-wife. I get she's bitter about her ex-husband being gone all through the marriage and not being around, but girl please. You married a super rich guy now, the ex-husband left his job in order to be around more, why you so mean and salty still? Like get some therapy and move on and take a nap in your mansion.

Anyways, this is an action movie more than anything so I'll stop complaining about the characters so much. It does have some nice choreographed fight scenes, Liam Neeson does give off the appropriate divorced dad vibes, and it's fun to see terrible people get punished for their terrible misdeeds.

P.S. What about Amanda's family? I love that Liam Neeson was like not my problem, I'm on a mission, but that girl also goes missing and dies and it's like it never even happened. Crazy. Wouldn't want to be her. Her dad's probably something super boring like a dentist. How worthless.

P.P.S. Extra gold star for the famous, "I will find you speech." It's iconic.

Rating: 5.5/10 cats 🐈

Anzie: I just wanna say this movie has some serious sick lines for Liam Neelson. But I’m utterly and entirely aggravated. This teenager. Her mother. This teeeeenager. Ok I know I had my issues but if my dad was obviously some government super agent and he told me I can’t go to Paris unsupervised, I’d be mad but I’d get it. And then to find out it’s really to follow U2- noooo I’m not having a stroke- U2 - around Europe for 2 weeks. She’s nuts. I mean it’s 2009. Do better than U2 if you’re getting kidnapped. Reallly. All those people died. Her dad loosing his mind. Literally being human trafficked. For U2. I have other issues like how cringey things were or the absurdity that the Albanian Marco hears the one of the most iconic lines ever. And two days later when an American shows up- he thinks nothing of it. Insane. I can see the entertainment value, but the concept that this plot exists and then lends itself to two more movies hurts me.

Rating: 5/10 Cats 🐈

[the-cat-chat]

September 13, 2024

Friday the 13th (2009)

A group of young adults set up tent near the abandoned summer camp where a series of gruesome murders are said to have taken place back in 1980.

Warning: Review may contain spoilers. Read at your own risk.

JayBell: Happy Friday the 13th!!! To celebrate (aka punish) ourselves, we decided of our own volition to watch the 2009 Friday the 13th. Well, really it was the only Friday the 13th movie streaming so "of our own volition" is a bit of a stretch.

If I remember correctly, we didn't even like the original Friday the 13th, and our viewing of Jason Takes Manhattan was also bad, but in a much funnier way.

I thought this was a totally new remake, but no, it's just another one in the series. So basically they just exposition dump the whole backstory to the audience in the beginning of the movie. So yeah.

Wayyyyyy more nudity and sex in this movie than I anticipated. I think I got jumpscared by boobs more than I got jumpscared by Jason.

Anyways, long story short, this is bad and I did not like it. I kid you not, the entire time Anzie and I were CONVINCED of this plot twist that never came. We basically created a new movie in our minds, and let me tell you, it would have been a much better movie.

Are you telling me that what set Jason off was a guy peeing on some weed plants? Is Jason growing weed as a hobby? Why on earth does he kidnap some girl and keep her hostage?

A lot of the girl characters blend together in my mind since they have no defining characteristics. The asshole boyfriend is an asshole for no reason. And his girlfriend sees Jared Padalecki one time and ditches said asshole boyfriend, which fair, but seems a bit sudden in context.

The heart of the movie should have been Jared Padalecki's character and his sister. However, they barely make an attempt at building that relationship.

In the end, I didn't care who lived or who died, the plot is stupid and boring, and the characters are bland and shallow. Maybe I'm learning that I just don't like traditional slasher movies.

Rating: 2/10 cats 🐈

Anzie: Uhhh soooo I really couldn’t pass up an impromptu Friday the 13th partaay. But seeing as the 2009 version was the only part of this franchise streaming (hopefully X streams by the next Friday the 13th) we haddd to go with that. And uh again I know how to pick them. My first comment. Jared Padalecki- I should’ve known. And second why is there so much boobage in this one??? Seems excessive. Ummm. Next the weed??? What’s with that plot. I feel like I missed something?? I will say. It’s small points do come from the fact I got to be imaginative and come up with a huge scheme that it wasn’t Jason it was the weed growers and the cops were in on it and that’s why they weren’t helping find anyone blah blah blah but no. Just Jason and his mommy issues. Reaaalll quick. Um soo Jared padaleckis looking for his sis riggght. Ummm why’s no one looking for all the other people she was with??? Just asking. You know since I allllready can figure out the whole Jason thing of if he died as a boy or how’d he turn into a man or why’s he immortal ish or is this he technically a zombie??? What’s the deal!?!??? So yeah I guess I can just focus on the other giant plot holes. Everyone in this movie is absolutely annoying and to be fair Jason didn’t deserve the woodchipper. And that shamu move at the end. I’m over it and can’t wait till next time. Blame the duality of humankind and my propensity for loving to subject us to uttttter trash.

Rating: 1/10 Cats 🐈‍⬛

[the-cat-chat]

September 7, 2024

Marmalade (2024)

Recently incarcerated, Baron strikes up a friendship with his new cellmate, a man with a history of prison breaks. As they hatch a plan to escape, Baron recalls how he met the love of his life and how they came up with a scheme to rob a bank.

Warning: Review may contain spoilers. Read at your own risk.

JayBell: Yes, the hair and the accent is an assault on your senses, but I think Anzie is much more sensitive to those types of things in movies than me. Okay maybe not the hair, that was tough.

Weirdly, in the beginning the movie felt very Forrest Gump-esque with the accent, the naive male protagonist, and the storytelling narration.

The whole time you're thinking, how could a guy be this stupid and gullible? It's like watching a car crash in slow motion.

I'm a bit conflicted because I do think the twists in the movie are fun and pretty well done. I do think it makes the beginning worth it. But I also have some gripes.

One, the dancing scene in the parking lot is kind of weird and pointless. I didn't get what message it was sending or what it added to the plot.

And two, they start off with these funny little visual gags in the story as Joe Keery's character starts his story, but then they give it up shortly after. So either stick with it or never do it at all.

And lastly, some of the side characters weren't as well written or well acted as the main characters. For example, the various cops aside from the main one. And maybe I would have enjoyed a bit more relationship building between our two prisoners.

But overall, I've seen worse. Like Joe Keery's hair. I don't understand how one guy could look so different with a few different hairstyles.

Rating: 5.5/10 cats 🐈‍

Anzie: I don’t really know what possessed me to want to watch this. And honestly it had to be seeing Joe Keery with THAT hair and hearing THAT accent and that it was going to be a fun little bank robbery movie bc his mama is sick and alll that. Can I say for at least 75% of this movie I felt pure pain in every organ of my body. And that accent and that hairrrrr. I was so concerned and angry I never wanted to be allowed to make another decision for the rest of my life.

And you know what? Marmalade she gave unhinged killer vibes from the start. And I hateddd her. And I feel like the performance was a criminal minds knock off of Blake Lively in Elvis and Anabelle (which I lovedddd) - and I knew she’d kill his “mom?” And then she’s pregnant after like 3 days?? Hoooww could Baron be that dumb. Wellllll that’s the whole thing - and honestly I’m kinda conflicted bc the literalllllll last 15 minutes are nearly worth the pain? I mean we alllll got got and it’s soooo good on how it turns out and his nickname. pUppETttttt. Gawd. I don’t know I’m kinda mad but not?? We’ve seen way worse and it’s Joe Keery soo I feel like transgressions can be forgiven. Except if I think about his ploy toooo much my head hurts???

Rating: 4/10 Cats 🐈‍⬛

[the-cat-chat]

August 31, 2024

Land of Bad (2024)

When a Delta Force team is ambushed in enemy territory, a rookie officer refuses to abandon them. Their only hope lies with an Air Force drone pilot as the eyes in the sky during a brutal 48-hour battle for survival.

Warning: Review may contain spoilers. Read at your own risk.

JayBell: Where oh where did it all go wrong? I’ll tell you where. The STUPID phone sequence. The movie started out pretty strong. I felt attached to the characters—Liam Hemsworth aka Froot Loop is like little bro to the team. Russell Crowe is the old, wise mentor and the dynamics are established early on.

I think it's a unique idea to focus on drones in the field and the connection between drone operators stationed away from the action. Lots of military movies don’t shine a light on that specific aspect of modern warfare.

Okay now the phone. The movie establishes early on about the inability for these obnoxious immature military personnel to answer the phone or even act like adults, which is an odd thing to portray in a military movie anyways.

I think this whole phone fiasco at the end (which I think is an attempt to create suspense) should be removed entirely from the movie. The whole cutting back and forth from the phone to Russell Crowe at the store is silly and a waste of time. Also the speech Russell Crowe has at the end felt forced and cringy. I felt actual secondhand embarrassment for his character. Don’t force feed dialogue like that to make the audience feel something. Let the story and the relationships you build between the characters do their job on their own.

Plus he takes a golf club to the tv, and in the end, what does this accomplish? The immature assholes don’t get punished or reprimanded and Russell Crowe is the one who looks crazy. In fact, i would also remove the entire plot line of Russell Crowe having a problem with authority and his fellow colleagues that contributes to the phone scenario.

Here’s what I would have done. Realllly focus on the relationships. The relationship between Liam aka Froot Loop and his team is there. And there is the beginning of the relationship between him and Russell Crowe, as well as Russell Crowe and his work partner. I would have Russell Crowe be in the chair for the entirety of the movie “with” Froot Loop until his eventual rescue. No phone sequence, no weird confrontations with the superiors. Have more heartfelt conversations like the brief one they did have about their home town and dead fathers. Make that the soul of the movie.

Because what’s interesting in the movie is the relationship between these two officers, both dedicated to a common goal, one who is far away and desperately trying to protect his new friend.

Keeping Russell Crowe in the chair, removing the phone sequence and those weird confrontations with superiors, leaves room for this relationship as well as more relationship between Russell and his work partner.

Also they try to throw in this deeper message of drone versus human killing and I think it’s shallow. The bad guy is also underdeveloped and boring.

I'm sad because it had so much potential. Also, I have to admit I'm sad because he never finds the Froot Loops.

Rating: 5.5/10 cats 🐈‍

Anzie: I had no idea on what this was beyond army guys and a huge cast- plus I noticed Russell Crowe since we just watched Gladiator. But can I say what I didn’t expect was for them to like allll “die” instantly. That being said I also thought a good 15 minutes in about it being Chris Hemsworth??? And then I was like Liammmmm??? I always forget about him. And you know who else I forget about the otherrrrr brother. But I do have to say it was such a bold power move to cast those two in a role together and act like they aren’t brothers.

Speaking of- the acting is really great- you don’t think oh that’s Russell Crowe or whatever bc everyone really gets into their roles. And can I sayyyy Russell Crowe’s character’s backstory is a doozy. So many children. Anyway. The plot is cool- even tho at times lost their actual mission bc that quickly just turned into “get off the island alive.” And can I say that mission is utterly gory. I closed my eyes at times. Like a baby.

Now. My biggggggg problem. Alllll those losers watching basketball. Now listen. Say you’re so dumb big shot doing heavy operations for the UNITED STATES GoVeRNmenTttt. If the phone rings and you know people are on a mission where they’ve all either been killed or are being chased just how about one person answers the phone. No take it off the hook. I think between all of the one guys mustache had more brain cells. And you know what. I’m sooooo glad Russell Crowe’s character took that golf club to that stoopid tv and berated them like the children they are. I was so sick with rage at the thought that bc they were watching sports everyone would die. And I knowww they couldn’t end it on that bc that’s so obviously not cool. But I’m reallllly glad they all made it out alive and everything. The onnlllly thing that would’ve made it better is if the drone team and the actual rescue team met in the end. But I can’t get everything I want righhht?

Rating: 7/10 Cats 🐈‍⬛

[the-cat-chat]

August 24, 2024

Lisa Frankenstein (2024)

A misunderstood teenager and a reanimated Victorian corpse embark on a murderous journey together to find love, happiness, and a few missing body parts.

Warning: Review may contain spoilers. Read at your own risk.

JayBell: We’re starting spooky season early! There are good things and bad things about this movie.

One, I love Kathryn Newton and I like that they reallllllly lean in to how weird and dramatic and unstable her character is. Cause truthfully, you would have to be off your rocker to make the bizarre decisions she does throughout the movie. Like no normal and rational person would make these decisions, but it does make sense for her character.

I also really enjoy that they give her a caring relationship with her stepsister, even though they are totally opposites. Honestly, it’s probably the most developed relationship in the movie, and I like that. It’s unexpected, especially with the evil stepmother and the brainless absent father.

On the other hand, the relationship with zombie boy feels kind of lackluster. The whole time I didn’t feel like she actually cared about him at all, but she was just using him to make herself feel better. So their whole "relationship" isn't that romantic in my opinion, and her love confession at the ends feels meh to me.

Also what on earth is with the father? I still can’t figure that relationship out, and it’s weirdly not acknowledged in the movie.

So yeah. I think if Kathryn Newton wasn't the lead, this would be a much worse movie. I think Cole Sprouse does an okay job considering he has almost no lines, so he's there, but almost like an afterthought.

But I have to admit I was invested and entertained, which is honestly better than I expected.

Rating: 5.5/10 cats 🐈

Anzie: I don’t know where to begin. First, I’m sooo ready for spooky season. Second, I recall this was released for VALENTINES DAY. What a power move. I also want to put out the disclaimer that the concept this movie exists in the same Diablo Cody universe as Jennifer’s Body cures some of my soul’s ailments bc Jennifer’s Body holds a very large part of my poor little broken teenage emo heart. Soo just that alone can cover the few qualms I have.

I loveee Kathryn Newton and her acting in this is so phenomenal she’s such a gem. I love how she sulks and scrunches her body and her costumes are amazing. The stepsister is adequately irritating and Carla Gugino as the evil stepmom??? What a performance.

Now the plot. I’m here for it. But it got freakky. Ok so she hangs out alone in a cemetery- it’s the 80s and her mom was murdered. She’s in love with a grave bust??? She goes to a party?? (Seems her not her vibe? but okay) takes pcp- I at points was convinced she was just in one long pcp trip or dream. And I can even get behind the unbelievable notion this guy came back to life- it’s spooky season.

And I might be slightly underwhelmed that Cole Sprouse neveeeeer spoke but I guuuuuuueesss since it’s frankenstein I’ll forgive it bc what was I expecting??? The mutton chops are too much tho.

Anyyyyways the serial killing plot for body parts was unique if unhinged and I totally agree with JayBell that half the time I was convinced her step mom was right and she did need to be thrown in the snake pit (a murdered mom gets a girl at least some meds or therapy right?) - I love that to get him “electrocuted” like in the og story they used the broken tanning bed. I do have to say there are parts and especially the last murder and body part added to Frankenstein kills me and I rather wish I’d never experience, but I’ll add it to my collection. I’m glad Lisa did end up surviving and Frankenstein could talk bc I love a happy ending- and I was totally gonna riot if to avoid the cops she died in the tanning bed.

Rating: 5/10 undead boyfriends 🧟‍♂️

[the-cat-chat]

August 17, 2024

Babe (1995)

Gentle farmer Arthur Hoggett wins a piglet Babe at a county fair. Narrowly escaping his fate as Christmas dinner, Babe bonds with motherly border collie Fly and discovers that he too can herd sheep. But will the other animals accept him?

Warning: Review may contain spoilers. Read at your own risk.

JayBell: I know I saw this movie so many times as a kid but somehow I retained zero memory of the plot. So this is a bit of a nostalgia pick.

That said, I’m conflicted. Like it’s a cute movie with talking animals and everything, but to be honest, it’s a bit all over the place.

It’s almost like they couldn’t decide whether this movie is an anthology/collection of stories about Babe the pig or a movie with a centralized conflict and plot (the sheep herding). The movie tries to accomplish both, and I’m not sure it works.

I’m pulled in so many different directions throughout the movie. The crazy bird plot, the cat, the tragic dog backstory, whether we should kill and eat Babe, the cult of the sheep, Babe’s herding and the competition. It’s just a lot, especially considering how short the movie is.

Also, the movie shows that Babe can originally herd sheep cause she’s so nice to them, which is in direct opposition of how mean the dogs are. I thought that was a nice message to include. And yet, the reason Babe can herd the sheep in the end is because she’s delivered some super secret sheep message (what kind of sentence is that?). This kind of ruins whatever message is implied. Why not have Babe be herself and kind and have the sheep follow her as a result?

I don’t know. Maybe I should just leave my childhood movies in the past where they belong.

Rating: 5/10 cats 🐈

Anzie: Now I won’t hate on Babe ever. But the puppets/animals a bit much for me. But for how old it is and that it’s for kids, all is forgiven. Now the plot. Insannnnneee. The characters crayyyyyzzzzyyyyy. The wife totally gives serial killer vibes at times. And I’m totally convinced those little rats are her henchmice. Also. This movie is somehow so emotionally traumatizing- how was this such a good time for us as children. The pig’s toupee??? Wow. Overall it’s cute and the ending is cute.

^ I can’t get over the circle transitions?? Who gave the editor a prototype of windows media maker?

Rating: 6/10 pigs 🐖

[the-cat-chat]

August 10, 2024

Father of the Bride Part II (1995)

George Banks must deal not only with his daughter's pregnancy, but also with his wife's.

Warning: Review may contain spoilers. Read at your own risk.

JayBell: And we're back! Although we didn't love the first Father of the Bride movie, we were curious enough to want to know what happens next. And what happens next? A lottttttttttt. Some would say too much.

There's a bunch of little plots and conflicts that kind of go nowhere, and I would love for this sequel to have been simplified. Here's what I would have loved to have happened in this movie--the daughter gets pregnant, Steve Martin's character freaks out about being a grandfather and getting older, bring back Franck and the in-laws for the baby shower, daughter learns that her dream job is far away, Steve Martin's character is sad but encourages her to move away with her baby and husband. Bittersweet goodbye. The End.

As it stands, there is too much going on. Steve Martin's character did not need to have another baby, the house didn't need to be sold and then repurchased in this bizarre non-funny way, there didn't need to be a whole part about expanding the house (and staying in the in-laws mansion), and obviously, there didn't need to be such an emphasis on having a young, female doctor deliver the baby. Like what was that?? I would have cut all of that and gone back to the roots of the movie, which is the relationship between father and daughter.

It's like they had so many ideas and somehow wanted to include them all in one movie. So yeah.

Rating: 4.5/10 cats 🐈

Anzie: Sometimes, honestly frequently, I question my decisions and where they’ve led me. And this sequel might be in my top ten of my whole life. It’s not that it was bad- but it was surely painful. It’s exactly like Jaybell says. There’s way too much happening for whatever reason. Like having another baby at the same time (and then literally the SAME moment) is bad enough. It’s enough plot. I mean in reality that would cause so much family drama. And this is gonna sound terrible. But I already said in the first review how I don’t like Diane Keaton as an actor- but it was unbelievable she was going to be having a baby again. I’m soooorrry. And soo that kinda distracted me. And can I just ask where the little brother kept disappearing to?? And why no one was ever concerned? And can I just air the fact that I understand it’s the 90s but to have Franc design that “Babyland” room and it supposedly cost so much- it was ugly and just literally toys? Anywho def avoid the third part even though it’s like 23 minutes and triggering pandemic material with bad green screen zoom chats. Watching 15 seconds of that took the remaining bits of soul I had.

^ I’m gonna knock it down a point too bc I’m traumatized from this movie that I can’t bring myself to watch the new season of Only Murders in the Building 😢

Rating: 3/10 Cats 🐈

[the-cat-chat]

August 3, 2024

Gattaca (1997)

Vincent assumes the identity of a member of the genetic elite to pursue his goal of traveling into space with the Gattaca Aerospace Corporation. However, a week before his mission, a murder marks Vincent as a suspect.

Warning: Review may contain spoilers. Read at your own risk.

JayBell: This movie is way more of a dystopian sci-fi drama than it is a mystery/thriller. And honestly, massively underrated. The worldbuilding is great, the plot is cool, the acting is nothing to complain about, it has slight romance, family drama, friendship, mystery.

I haven't seen too many movies about the ethical or moral dangers surrounding genetic engineering. The way the movie presents it isn't too farfetched either. If you could ensure your child had the best chance of health and success, wouldn't you be a bad parent if you didn't allow it? And where's the line between ensuring a healthy baby and designer babies?

The movie presents a society so dependent on genetic engineering that naturally born, un-enhanced people are discriminated against in their personal lives and in the workplace.

Ethan Hawke's character never truly accepts the society that he lives in. The movie doesn't show him outwardly overthrowing the system, but it shows the way he fights back in order to find what happiness he can. Which, honestly, is more realistic than him changing an entire society in such a short amount of time.

It's not an action-packed, exciting sci-fi adventure, but that's what makes it special and unique.

Rating: 8/10 cats 🐈

Anzie: I had no idea what this movie was except Ethan Hawke and DNA. I��d never even heard of it. I assumed he was like a space captain and it was Star Trek meet U.S. Navy meets Baby Geniuses??? IDK. But it wasn’t! Shocker!!!! 😱 And it was so much better than I was expecting. There’s a lot to cover in it and honestly it would totally ruin it. But I liked the complexity of it while also not being overly complicated with a little sprinkle of crime mystery in it. And I just wanna say for the record I NEVER thought Ethan Hawke was the killer. The concept too that DNA controls our destiny or if we do - and how DNA ends up being a societal divide- is really interesting and well done from so many different points in the movie. I love Jude Law and he’s such a lil baby and I was soooo sad at the end. That was not cool. And the hair. I was gonna cry.

^ Side note: the swimming thing. The bro obvi doesn’t now how to swim sooooo why do they keep swimming. Also I kinda love that kid law’s character has a gold medal in swimming bc he’s the real ride or die bro.

^ Double side note: I could never keep up this charade. It was so exhausting to watch him try.

Rating: 7/10 Cats 🐈

[the-cat-chat]

July 27, 2024

The Sixth Sense (1999)

Malcolm Crowe, a child psychologist, starts treating a young boy, Cole, who encounters dead people and convinces him to help them. In turn, Cole helps Malcolm reconcile with his estranged wife.

Warning: Review may contain spoilers. Read at your own risk.

JayBell: I guess you could say Bruce Willis' character is the main character of this movie, but honestly, the kid and his mother are what make the movie great. Is it my Bruce Willis Ubreakable/Glass trauma? Maybe.

But seriously, Haley Joel Osment is in the hall of fame of child stars for good reason. And Toni Collette kills it as concerned, overwhelmed single mother. Their scenes together stand out as the most emotional for me. I love the car scene where he finally decides to reveal the truth to his mother.

Part of the enjoyment of this movie is the big plot twist. Because I had seen The Sixth Sense before, a big part of my enjoyment was listening to Anzie's comments and trying not to give anything away.

The heart of this movie isn't about the supernatural at all. It's about learning to trust the people who love you, reaching out when you're struggling, and learning to grieve and let go.

Rating: 7/10 cats 🐈

Anzie: Soo there’s really only two things to truly discuss about this movie. First, not only is Haley Joel Osment adorable, he’s the best crier I’ve ever seen next to Sydney Sweeny’s Euphoria Breakdown™️. Second. I know I knew. Somehow I forgot. But when I realized what was happening like halfway through I was shocked and I felt so dumb. I wasn’t mad either. It’s a really good plot twist and if I wasn’t so good at sleuthing 🙄 I would’ve screeched at the big reveal and promptly died on the floor. But the start had weird vibes - like I def thought the kid that shot him was a future scene and maybe the rest would be a flash back but NOooooooo. He’s a GhOsT. I really only got it when I started realizing he never had any scenes except with the kid plus when they accused the mom of abuse at the hospital - bc I figured the kids therapist would get involved. Overall I do like the spooky mystery vibes (don’t appreciate the ghost vomit or the one kid’s head).

^ side note I can’t watch Bruce Willis without having Unbreakable/Spilt/Glass Flashbacks but it is good to know M. Night Shyamalan didn’t do him soooo dirty.

^second side note I appreciate how everything comes together to show that even after a year of KNOWING your loved one is dead it’s still difficult to move on *coughcoughCastawaycough*

Rating: 6/10 Black Cats 🐈‍⬛

[the-cat-chat]

July 20, 2024

Cast Away (2000)

A FedEx executive undergoes a physical and emotional transformation after crash landing on a deserted island.

Warning: Review may contain spoilers. Read at your own risk.

JayBell: There are so many things about this movie that I love. The first part of the movie shows how much Tom Hanks' character is on the go go go. He's all about efficiency and productivity. Everything is on a schedule, even his personal life. At the same time, he's also a bit of a romantic.

It takes a while to build up to the big crash, but it's great for character building and raising the anticipation. The plane crash scene has pretty good special effects, even by today's standards.

I'm a big fan of survival movies, so I do love watching Tom Hanks' character make mistakes, learn, face setbacks, overcome obstacles. Having Wilson as a way for his character to bond with another "person" is so smart. Although it is strange to be sad about a man's relationship with a volleyball, it's done so well. You really feel like Wilson is the only thing keeping his character sane.

Usually with movies like this, it ends when they get "rescued." I like that they show some of his character's adjustment back into society. (the seafood dinner with food carelessly leftover, the lighter, the too soft mattress, him guzzling water from a bottle).

I only have a few gripes about this movie. One, why are there zero animals or bugs on the island? Yes, there are fish. But nothing else at all? Even a small scene of him killing a bug or chasing off an animal would be cool.

And second, I do think his girlfriend moves on a bit too fast, especially without the closure of his recovered body. If you do some of the math, she basically "grieves" for like 6 months or so, and some of those months were spent still trying to find him. I agree that they shouldn't get back together in the end, but I my brain couldn't help but do the math at the same time.

But I do feel like the ending fits. Now, Tom Hanks' character isn't on a schedule, he doesn't have a plan, which is so different from how he treated life in the beginning of the movie. And I like how the angel artist lady is included throughout the movie before finally appearing at the end, as if it was "meant to be."

P.S. RIP Wilson

P.P.S. I couldn't help but notice as he drives in the final scenes of the movie, he has a brand new Wilson. What on earth is he planning to do? Create a new Wilson with a face and talk to it and carry it around in society? Use it for volleyball? Doesn't that seem disrespectful? idk

Rating: 7.5/10 cats 🐈

Anzie: As this is my second time writing this review bc obviously the universe hates me and disagrees with my opinion on this ammmazing movie, this will be scathing. I hated it I don’t even wanna be nice anymore. I thought it was funny how Tom Hanks was obsessed with time and then forced to be on an island where time really is an illusion. I like the start when he’s still running fedex (totally thought he was ups but whatever) and the plane crash was really well done for the time and then when he’s on the island I start getting peeved. Has this mannnnn ever seen Naked and Afraid. Where’s the fire- it took him so long. He should’ve been a Boy Scout. Uggg. And the knocking his own tooth out. I’m triggered. And loosing Wilson. Lame. He so could got him. This is like Jack and Rose all over again.

And now my reallllll problem. I will not ever be able to watch Helen Hunt again. Okkk. So this guy that gives you a ring the last time you saw him on Christmas right as he’s boarding a plane that will crash- is stuck on an island for 4 years. Ok - Her kid is 2 years old - it takes 9 months to make a baby- ok so we’re already back in time where there’s 1 year and 2 months when she could’ve been hung up over him- soooo in the year following his disappearance- say she waited a month or two for them to find him- okkk we’re at a year grieved another 2 months- quick but okkkkkk met his Root Canal Dentist- which wowwwww- had a wonderful romance so in like 8/10 months after he was missing- I’m sooo sorry she got over him being missing grieved and dated and married this guy would is literally her fiancé nemesis and had a kid wayyyyy to quick. I mean I do t think I ever did anything so quick in my life everrrr. And I still can’t look at Chris Noth. I’m done. For my sanity I have to be. None of the math makes sense to read but you get it. After 2 months??? I think I’ve been dedicated to listening to a song on repeat longer than that.

I am glad he had his little friend to come back to- and I did like the whole angel wings artist lady plot but that veers to unhealthy kinnnnnda???

Rating: I can’t- it had 4/10- but for my mental health now it’s a 2/10 Crabs 🦀