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okay but jjk somnophilia is like
gojo "please please pleaaaaase let me put it in while you're sleeping PLEASE i swear i'll make you cum i proooomise please let's try it once pleeaaase. YOU can put it in ME whenever you want!!! any time any place anything you want in any of my holes!! wake me up with it!! it'll be soooo hot" satoru
vs
nanami "i have kink charts for both of us and they have sliding scales and notes section for each one. we can mark hard boundaries for what state of consciousness we want for ourselves or our partners, giving or receiving, what sex acts, etc. we'll set up a safe word and a safe gesture and then we can start trying things out" kento
vs
geto "sorry i fell asleep while eating you out, it will happen again. no, i won't stop eating you out when i fall unconscious. just tear me off your pussy if you don't like it" suguru
#jujutsu kaisen#jjk#jjk imagines#satoru gojo#kento nanami#suguru geto#gojo x reader#nanami x reader#geto x reader#gojo smut#nanami smut#geto smut#i am NOT a nanami girlie do not start expecting nanami content from me. however he is very funny and i love his contrast with gojo LMAOOO#to be clear gojo would not be bugging you about this unless he'd already confirmed you were into it#gojo is probably off putting for some people here but i frankly think he'd just be that desperate and pleading and thats super hot to me#geto tho. geto's just hilarious#again if you're not into somno just don't read this it aint for u. gojo will sound really pushy and creepy#tw: somnophilia#honestly i think nanami would pass out during/before sex just like geto but a lot of the nanami girlies aren't ready for that#the man is like 27 and he looks 40 AND he looked like this when he was??? 23 or smth??#nanami can definitely go super hard during sex but sometimes he will pass out on your lap while eating you out. man is tired.#lemon#sorry for the excess of tags this is such a short little thing and i kinda like how smol it is so i have to ACTUALLY tag tag it lol
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soooo i've been real busy this past month and change working on this monster of a painting! it was originally for the GO Ref library study club but clearly took much longer than i anticipated😅
for those of you who don't recognize it, this is based on one of my favorite historical paintings, Judith Beheading Holofernes (1620) by Artemisia Gentileschi. i love the Baroque period and this painting (as well as her other works) makes me insane. here it is Good Omens style so maybe all of you can be insane with me <3
"Aziraphale (and Crowley) Beheading the Metatron"
(non-bloody and non-glowy versions under the cut)
#IT'S DONE#can i get a wahoo#dear tumblr pls don't fuck up the quality#sara does art#good omens#good omens fanart#shout out to the GORL server!!!#crowley#aziraphale#aziracrow#the metatron#OFF WITH HIS HEAD#i will never attempt digital oil painting again#(pls stop me if i do)#artemisia gentileschi#ITALIAN BAROQUE QUEEN#italian baroque#i need you all to know that the suggested tag that came up was 'italian barty crouch jr.'#david tennant you're already in this picture that's enough#baroque art#judith beheading holofernes#the superior version btw#tw blood#didn't you have a flaming sword? it was flaming like anything#if u zoom in pls appreciate the tartan bowtie detail#that shit took me way longer than it should have#as well as the approx 15hrs each i spent on azi's sleeves#did i miss any tags??#ART#i'm going to hibernate now thank you
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gmorning Clari!!! 💘 I’m not sure you’ve done it before, but I’d loooove to know what type of yanderes you’d classify your genshin faves as 😘
ANDYYYY i am so sorry i am responding a few days late to this and that’s because i accidentally wrote you a whole novel for an answer :) your ask sparked so many thoughts and i just BLAAAH spewed them all over the page (*ノωノ) ugh ahahaha ANYWAY oh gosh okay i have so much to say, let’s get into it!!! also apologies for how MASSIVE ajax’s is waaaah
characters: wriothesley, ajax [childe], kamisato ayato, thoma warnings: 18+ minors do not interact, yandere behaviour (gaslighting, obsessiveness, toxic relationships, delusional thinking, manipulation, over-protectiveness, etc) words: 2.1k
₊˚⊹ 𝐰𝐫𝐢𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐬𝐥𝐞𝐲
WRIOTHESLEY is the controlling, authoritarian type that feels like a really strict father, all under the guise of ‘protecting you’ and ‘keeping you safe’. he veers into delusional territory a little here because he genuinely believes what he’s telling you (and himself) and genuinely believes himself to be doing the right thing. he isn’t possessive, he just wants to make sure you’re going out with safe people. he isn’t obsessive, he just wants to know where you are at all times in case an emergency strikes and he has to come find you. he isn’t overbearing, he just cares and is proactive—don’t you want him to care? can’t you see he’s only this ‘protective’ because he loves you?
he has thoroughly convinced himself that this behaviour has nothing to do with jealousy or a desire to keep you locked up, to keep you 100% certainly safe and his forever, and nothing to do with wanting to exert complete control over you, orchestrating your every decision—and he’s pretty good at continuously deluding himself into believing it. he’s so good, in fact, and his logic is so sound, that it has YOU wondering if you’re ‘just being crazy’, if you’re overthinking things or reading too much into them. wriothesley has had a lot taken away from him, after all, and he knows exactly how the mind of criminals tick—can you really blame him for being a bit paranoid? maybe you’re the one who’s overreacting and being unreasonable. maybe you’re even feeling a little guilty for being so ungrateful—shouldn’t you appreciate having someone who loves and cares for you this much to go to such extents? shouldn’t you want to relinquish all power to someone you love equally as much? shouldn’t you trust him to make only the best, most sound and appropriate decisions for you? you probably should.
₊˚⊹ 𝐚𝐣𝐚𝐱
AJAX is kind of like, the typical yandere, and he encompasses several ‘types’, evolving throughout the course of your relationship and shapeshifting into different variants depending on the situation itself. and while the other three men seem normal until you’re in too deep with them, refraining from showing symptoms of yandere-ness until after you’ve been with them for an extended period of time and mean a lot to them, ajax is weird from the very beginning.
almost immediately you can sense that there’s something slightly off about him, but you can’t put your finger on what it is. it’s so subtle that it doesn’t strike you as particularly dangerous, leading you to merely write it off as one of his quirks and nothing more.
he’s overbearing right from the start, of course; not necessarily enough to be concerning just yet, but enough for it to be abnormal—unusual—and noticeable (which reminds me of your lil ajax piece!!!). from the instant he sees you, he is irreversibly obsessed with you. you permeate his every waking thought, and eventually begin to leak into his dreams, too, and suddenly he can barely breathe without knowing where you are and what you’re doing, his concentration consumed by you.
he begins stalking you—‘overseeing’, he had called it—making detailed notes of your favourite locations and your most frequented friends. he’s constantly got an eye on you one way or another, even if he has to employ other people to do it for him, discreetly reporting their findings every few hours. he tells them you’re in danger—which, you are, technically—and that you must be observed at all times from afar, silently and stealthily.
ajax is patient and he can play the waiting game, carefully devising and then revising his strategy based on your moves. he loves playing predator and prey, gets a thrill from how the hunt unfolds—much like a battle, it’s a story, a rich tapestry you and he are constantly and concurrently creating, together. and that he thinks is so beautiful.
in textbook yandere fashion, once he’s gathered a sufficient amount of intel, he begins ‘showing up’ randomly at your usual spots, ‘bumping into you’ fortuitously. charming and sweet, the only thing that’s initially unsettling is just how well the two of you get along. ajax is sure not to mimic you too much—he doesn’t want to be a mirror, after all, and being too similar is far from a good thing (especially when it matches so well it simply can’t be coincidental).
well—that, and the sharp glint in his eye that flares with something dangerous every time you giggle or gush, every time you fall further for him. and once he has you enchanted, ensnared, you’re trapped for life, tangled up in him so tightly that he might as well have fused to your flesh.
ajax likes to tell you it isn’t about power and control, but he knows that it is. he’s smart, and he’s self aware, and he doesn’t really care if this is ‘wrong’—he sees it as necessary and he genuinely believes he knows better than you do. he has to take care of you, or else who will? you’re clearly not capable of satisfactorily doing it on your own, so he must (god, how would you manage without him?). even if you oppose him or fight back against him, he’s purely convinced you’re bull-headed and stubborn, snorting at your wanting to be independent when he truly knows you’re too stupid take care of yourself ‘properly’ all on your own.
violence is a mainstay of your relationship, but not towards you; never towards you—merely towards everyone around you. his jealousy knows no bounds, but you will rarely see it outright. instead, ajax prefers to hone his emotions, to fashion them into a weapon or use them as fuel to thoroughly tear apart anyone who looks your way in a manner he doesn’t like. it’s his job as your lover and keeper, isn’t it?
₊˚⊹ 𝐤𝐚𝐦𝐢𝐬𝐚𝐭𝐨 𝐚𝐲𝐚𝐭𝐨
AYATO knows what he is, and he doesn’t care. why should he, when he’s sure what he’s doing is ultimately correct and he’s used to having everything that he wants, and everything going his way, even if he has to force/manipulate it to? he’s so skilled at that in particular—manipulating situations and events to procure favourable outcomes for himself. in ayato’s mind, you should be grateful that he affords you so many freedoms—he could lock you away in the basement or a padded room, chain you to a bed with no entertainment or stimulation save for the books he has so conscientiously selected for you, and no other human contact aside from himself. but he trusts you, and he doesn’t want to go to those measures (though rest assured, he has promised you he will not hesitate to reach such heights if he deems it absolutely necessary, no matter how much he doesn’t want to; you staying his comes before his personal preferences and pleasures). as such, he allows you to roam the estate grounds under the watchful eye of his closest confidants and most capable guards (usually thoma, unless he is otherwise occupied and busy); he allows you access to letter writing materials (though they must go through two rounds of supervision and revisions before they are approved; once by thoma, and once by ayato himself); he allows you to go out in public as long as you are with him, etc.
despite these apparent freedoms he affords you, he still picks your outfits out for you each day, and he devises a comprehensive meal plan for you each week, and creates schedules and rules he expects you to follow, thoroughly and meticulously to the letter. it is these subtle forms of ownership that he enjoys the most. he doesn’t feel the need to shout from the mountaintops, loudly and aggressively, that you are his, because the fact is so obvious, so evident, the second anyone merely glances at you. you walk like him, you talk like him, you sit, stand, and bow like him, just like he trained you to.
ayato is also the type of yandere to punish you. he is molding your pretty little mind into exactly what he wants it to be, and that means that undesirable behaviours must be immediately and severely corrected through appropriate punishments—you must learn, or be taught what is right and what is wrong in ayato terms + definitions, so you will refrain from repeating such behaviour in the future. he is truly crafting you into the most perfect, precious, obedient little doll—and having a blast while doing so. it’s his little pet passion project, in a way; something he looks forward to working on when he has a moment of spare time.
ayato was sly and clever with the way he initially enticed you, entrapped you, but underneath his cool, precisely chiseled exterior, ayato is selfish, manipulative, and extremely controlling. all decisions are ultimately made by and go through him. he will skillfully and carefully cut you off from all lifelines and communication, rendering you wholly dependent on him, and then will meticulously chip away at your mind until he sculpts it into exactly what he desires—someone who is as obsessed with him as he is with them. he slowly, stealthily, and steadily induces a severe, irreversible case of stockholm syndrome. the damage he does to your mind is permanent—and that’s exactly his goal. you now live for him. your days are marked by his appearances, his comings and goings, and the only thing you have to look forward to is seeing + spending time with him. you live to please him, live to be with him, and become absorbed by him, so you are merely an extension of him and no longer an individual yourself. everything revolves around ayato—he is your entire universe.
₊˚⊹ 𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐦𝐚
THOMA is the most dangerous type of yandere, because thoma is genuine. thoma’s feelings are 100% authentic—and he earnestly intends to bring you no harm whatsoever—they’re just way too intense. he loves you so much that it veers into insanity, and the passion he feels towards you (and towards keeping you safe + claiming you as his) is so fierce that it physically hurts him to experience, chest blistering with scorching adoration and razored affection, something so dense and so all-consuming that thoma wants to claw through his own flesh and pry his ribcage apart spoke by spoke just so he can experience a shred of relief.
thoma is, for the most part, an honest guy—starkly, brashly honest, so honest it shatters his words and gnaws at his voice, leaving it rough and raw, splintered to shards; but you can always trust he says exactly what he means. he severely lacks self awareness, not even realizing that his behaviour is inappropriate and extreme (he just cares about you SO much! it blinds his rationale and erodes his logic, incapacitating his ability to understand that he’s so suffocating it borders on terrifying).
but what makes thoma so incredibly perilous is his sincerity. he truly just wants to keep you safe, eyes brimming with tears and voice hitching on barely contained emotion as he thoroughly explains to you his logic for stashing tracking devices in your bags or his reasoning for shattering the kneecaps of the man who made you uncomfortable at work, sentiment thick in his throat, words straining with the weight of his honesty, with the desperation for you to understand, to see it his way. he swears to the high heavens that he’d never hurt a single hair on your pretty, precious little head, and promises that he doesn’t want to scare you, but firmly asserts that he will do whatever it takes to keep you safe.
and he means it. thoma is, in the most essential sense, your guard dog. he’s so sweet towards you, even submissive at times, always subservient to your every wish and whim, your every demand and desire, but he’ll fucking rip anyone within a meter of you to pieces with his teeth and bare hands alone if he feels as though you are being threatened in any way—and his standards and definition of ‘threatened’ are extreme and absurd, of course, causing him to react in a way that is severely disproportionate to the situation.
it borders on too much all the time—he is too obsessive, too protective, too clingy, but he’s also so sweet, so gentle, so incredibly bonafide that you can’t help but not be upset with him. he only does what he does because you’re his entire world, right? what’s so harmful about that?
#brilliant question andy thank u so much for asking omfg and apologies again for rambling like a nutso#i also just had to link your lil ajax piece because i genuinely do think it captures and portrays him SO well and so faithfully aaaah#wriothesley x you#ajax x you#childe x you#tartaglia x you#kamisato ayato x you#thoma x you#wriothesley x reader#ajax x reader#childe x reader#tartaglia x reader#kamisato ayato x reader#thoma x reader#tw:yandere#i didn’t look up any specific types so i just kinda like ??? explained how i thought they'd be LMAO but apologies if there's like a list u#meant or something!!!#anyway ily i hope you're having a fantastic start to the week <3#always sending health n happiness your way!#sorry for the character tags smack in the middle LMAO#inky.andy#inky.wriothesley#inky.ajax#inky.ayato#inky.thoma#i would've done haitham but tbh i rly don't see him as a yandere#i think he'd just like;;; give up LMAOOOOOO#or be super passive aggressive and mean#clari gets mail
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saw a post in the corporate clash tag that caused me to black out and make this
#toontown#corporate clash#ttcc#misty monsoon#rainmaker#misty is not even remotely closed to being a character like vriska but the discourse surrounding her is exactly the same n its crazy#misty is a rly fun character that is done dirty by the uninteresting format of toontasks inherented from toontown online#she has so much potential tbh but we just don't have enough content of her in game to rly matter#as far it is rn she's just a very awkwardly placed plot point cuz you dont rly know how to actually feel about her#barnacle bessie tried to rip her to shreds and its you're almost made to feel bad for misty cuz of it#but like she's still actively involved in a mega corporation trying to take over and pollute bessie's home#how can u blame her for that reaction#basically all im sayin is that misty could be so good but rn she's confined to a singular kinda awkward fight at the end of BB kudos#so maybe in the future she'll be a rly good part of the plotline of clash who knows#idk why i felt the need to rant in the tags sorry my autism
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Casey Stoner, Pushing the Limits
GP11:
GP12:
x
#casey stoner#brr brr#//#i realised i had one important take about the casey/vale rivalry that isn't linked to my actual thesis about them because. listen#i think about this line like. once a week. it haunts me in my sleep. i cannot carry this burden on my own any longer#casey. casey. is it really cOVERED?? with luminous yellow?? COVERED????#i'm not massively fond of the shade of red either but i don't think valentino was involved in making it more orange#my man saw the tiniest hint of yellow and was like 'what the fuck is this'#like valentino's LEATHERS are a wee bit yellow but that's!! not!! the bike!! also casey YOU had the aussie flag on your bloody bike number#the green is also on nicky hayden's gp12 btw like it's LITERALLY JUST THE NUMBER that's yellow#YOU DON'T EVEN SEE THE SEAT WHEN HE'S SITTING ON THE GP11 CASEY IT'S A RED BIKE#i don't have a coherent point about this but it is a LITTLE fascinating! like this made it into his autobiography!!#it's such an interesting thing to even notice no? like you're thinking about their stunning blood red being contaminated?#Does He View Valentino Rossi As An Infection? this is some symbolically potent shit when u think about it#do u think all valentino's victims have like. some kind of deeply ingrained aversion to the colour yellow. pavlovian response and all that#to be clear i find this very funny and i support casey in being a bit demented about valentino. who amongst us#heretic tag
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1x69 // 1x89 or; keyleth and percy and "i need you"
#keyleth#percy de rolo#critical role#vox machina#criticalroleedit#marisha ray#taliesin jaffe#cr#cr1#my edits#percy and kiki#sorry i have diseases. i put the last 2 gifs next to each other and teared u]p#'i need you. but we're not all going to make it' . god. top 5 things percy has said that make me mentally ill#ALSO. THE FACT THAT CHARISMA IS KEYLETH'S WORST STAT. SHE HAS A +0 TO THAT. AND SHE ROLLED A 19#these gifs are so crusty i love them so much tho#if you're seeing this on mobile i am sorry the alt tag is covering like half of the percy dialogue text </3 just click on th gifs to see it#rohan don't look#<- this gifset doesnt have overt spoilers but in case ur seeing this. block that tag for the future lol
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found an old thing
#moondrop#its 11 months old according to my malmal activity#im back to drawing them again it seems TT#they're the kind of characters u can't help but go back to whenever you're tired#or in this case; when you don't have any ideas to draw lol#drawing a character so much that its become a habit even when ure interested in smth else rn#anyway yes im drawing sun and i hate that my improvement really shows whenever i draw them >:(#sorry for the ramble but also not sorry for the ramble (i am the ruler of these tags)#might try writing a fic abt them once i get a hang of writing characters#with my whole heart; i wish for them to fucking Cry#they deserve to be able to weep the tears they haven't wept
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strelitzia being in kh4 is everything to me, especially considering the true dandelion sitch. like the reasonable assumption is that this is strelly after being slain by darkness, quadratum is like her afterworld, that sorta thing. that on its own is fun bc, hey, more strelitzia! she's stranded in mortal limbo without any of her loved ones and that's something she and sora can relate with, it's already a terrific set up
but imagine if this is data strelitzia, the one in the white cloak that luxu sends off in the lifeboat. we know from melody of memories when apprentice xehanort's sending kairi off that ending up in unreality is assumed to be possible via the pods (see: "However, if you arrive in a world that's neither of light nor darkness, but somewhere on the other side, your task will be far from easy.")
picture you're a copy of the original person, with full knowledge that you're a copy, and between the both of you, you're the one that gets to live on as "you".
#and i think it's even that much more isolating how the other dandelions don't really delve into the existential ramifications#they learn that a data-daybreak town means data-copies of everyone and they're like 'oh rad maybe we can bring back lauriam's sister'#as if the data versions are just extensions of the original ones#and that tracks! its an angle that's runs pretty consistent in the series proper (see: data!HPO in KH2 stirring memories in real!HPO in KH3#but we've also seen the inverse where data people have to grapple with their existence - or lack thereof (data-roxas in re:coded)#so imagine everyone around you has absolutely no qualms with you being a copy of the one who died#because why would they? you're still you - no matter the form#but you know you're not. and you still have to play by that role anyway#isn't that just quackers!!#all this to say data strelitzia u are the moment of all time#this may be showing my hand on my planned strelitzia animatic#but!!! i gotta hype myself to get back to work on it somehow!!!#kh#kingdom hearts#talking tag
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this tree from my new drawing looking goated afffffff 👑👑
#yes this is a nel/vas drawing get off me😂#text#i wanted everyone to see it but also since i draw on paper in total silence i think a lot about everything so i wanted to voice some -#- thoughts too's. tbh i've been veeery self indulgent lately#actually i'm happy that n*lv*s is getting actual hits out of me that i like looking at#especially on-paper stuff that i can recall being fun for me to draw. all traditional art is fun to draw#and digital has turned into an actual task for me (only sometimes tho maybe i;m lying.. mspaint we're still bffs)#i think i just don't see the joy in trying to scrap up a ''' finished ''' piece in an art program .. pencil i love you and i love the -#- feeling of it scratching along the paper....sigh............ Rabu#i don't want my blog or thoughts to turn into traditional art suck-off ventures bc ik not everyone can get into it for many possible -#- reasons but if u feel like it U can ok? do it for Pencil✏️ and for me? for silusvesuius? 𝖎 𝖜𝖎𝖑𝖑 𝖕𝖗𝖔𝖙𝖊𝖈𝖙 𝖞𝖔𝖚#but Lord i hope i don't also come off as one of those people that r like 'to improve in art just draw that one fictional character u -#- rly like 😂😂' bruh gtfo my face with that.#i'm noticing 'improvement' in my stuff mainly...i think... because i'm always striving to impress#not so much other people that are here just for my art but more so myself#i have a very huge ego (Mind Battle)#also it makes me sad to think about how big egos or genuine (not obnoxious) flauntiness are looked down on#and i can tell bc i used to look down on people that would express the things i'm expressing now#especially in art focused spaces. now i'd rather be in a circle of artists that love to J*rk off their own brain for it's ideas -#-and talent than be w/ very self-conscious artists that are never expressing pride about any of their work#worse if it's to the point where they actively start to fish for compliments bc of it#fishing for compliments is always OK i just wish it didn't stem from insecurity in that context if that makes sense#but maybe that's very easy for me to say and admit bc i did develop a very big ego around my art and ... Creativity? like it's a sims skill#not that i still don't seek out 'attention' or compliments from others to soothe myself but hmmmmmm i hope u feel me.#it just turns me into a very competitive person#who am i competing with? Myself#i'm always in 'you can do better Because you're YOU' mode#which is much better i believe than comparing yourself 2 other artists#i don't think a lot of people read my tag ramblings but if u do i wonder how one feels about a very pompous artist#like me .......(?)
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....why are the youtube comments so mad lol don't y'all like to have fun. don't we like to have fun here
#ari speaks#half of them are 'wahhh this is what happens when you make games WOKE' like. baby. shhhh. it's not dark fantasy enough for you???#like we are allowed to have varied opinions but also idk. dragon age has always had moments of being a lil silly. especially inquisition.#titsicles???? the nug king???? i'm attacking your holdfast with a goat????? cmon now.#we DO get a little silly here and i'm really not opposed to (well-placed) tonal irreverence in a world about to end.#bitch the world we are CURRENTLY living in is falling apart and i am also being a silly fucking guy because it's all i got.#if i lived in thedas irl i'd be in taverns getting tomatoes thrown at me for bad stand-up about kirkwall HAVE SOME FUN LIVE A LITTLE.#also bc it's been so long one has to imagine that they're also trying to grab some new fans here so it does not surprise me#that the trailer is not 'Boo Hoo Sad Times Dark Fantasy Game No. 49' (i say as an enjoyer of depressing dark fantasy)#esp when all of the prior promotional material has been very doom and gloom.#i don't think that just because the game is being marketed like this/that we're switching focus from solas that the game will be#sanitized and not dealing with any kind of fucked up lore and shit. i am holding out hope that we're going to get some cool opportunities#to play in a space that is def dark but can still give room to breathe.#anyway i do not actually giv a fuck (genuine not insulting) if the trailer did not make u excited das ok.#unless you're complaining that it's woke garbage now/so bad because g*ider is uninvolved. if thats the case you may fuck off.#sorry for the tag essay!
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I met a lovely bumblebee a few days ago ( ◜‿◝ )♡
#insects#bugs#bees#I didn't particularly WANT her to be on my hand. but that's where she wanted to be.#she was resting on the porch so I offered her a clover which she seemed to appreciate#but while I was holding the clover she trundled right up onto my hand#which was nervewracking but she was very polite while I slowly moved her over to the celosias we have out front#and she climbed right onto the flowers ^u^#I had met a different bumblebee about an hour earlier and that one also loved the clover#but kept doing the leg wavy thing at me when I'd put my hand close to her. this one was not bothered in the SLIGHTEST#just like ooh yes I WILL be climbing onto your hand now thank you for offering :)#if anyone who knows anything about bees happens to see this: can you tell if she's a queen bumblebee?#she seemed significantly larger than the other one but I don't really know how to tell#ohhh I just love bumblebees so much 🥺🥺🥺#fluffles pics#cute animals#ask to tag#(idk what to tag this for bug TWs and stuff so pls feel free to message me if you want it tagged)#also the pic of her on my hand is my concept shot for a 1st person survival game#where either you're playing as a person being led by a bee on your hand or you're playing as the bee sitting on the protags hand#I'll workshop it
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Someone play mouthwashing so I can live vicariously through u......
#DONT look it up if you're easily scared it's like.... true horror#I don't have ROOM because baldurs gate is so huge large#I also can't play my yearly play through of night in the woods 😞#the things I sacrifice for love...... 😞💕#squawk tag#here's my tbp list right now: mouthwashing; great god grove; fields of mystria; Europa#others that I'm forgetting#did u guys know Hatoful boyfriend is now UNPLAYABLE on the vast majority of devices#i think it's something about the aspect ratio or something like that?#more lost media..........
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Looked through my Welsh Encyclopedia of Arthurian / Historical stuff and am gonna do a short post about GIANTS (and the Cath Palug as it's a giant cat. The Kay / Cai lovers of the Arthurian random will LOVE IT) on Wednesday. Enjoy my insane fuckin ramblings again. 🙄🙄🙄
(Also, I haven't forgotten the Welsh marriage laws. Pls don't worry.)
#sorry i am fuckin INSUFFERABLE#i have work tomorrow (tuesday)#also the welsh wedding laws will be an ongoing serioes but ill probs post that next sunday do i don't clog up the feed#i am aware i talk way too much and you're all probs sick off me as is ur right#and ngl u should be O.O#i'm sick of myself too#arthuriana#arthurian legend#arthurian mythology#arthurian legends#sir kay#cai#is that the tag?#also yes u will be forced to hesr my hot tskes about why gwalchmai and gwenhwyfar bitched about arthur#and why madog ap uthyr should be the main character of a novel#welsh mythology#mabinogion#the mabinogion#welsh myth#y mabinogi#also not that i think anybody is worried about not having th next part of the marriage laws or indeed seeing me on their dash#i really need to shut the fuck up
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[ID: a digital illustration featuring Luz, Eda, King, and Papa Titan from the owl house. The image is set in the in-between realm. Papa Titan looms large in the background, winking at us with his claw outstretched into the foreground. The hooty in his eye socket also extends into the foreground, staring at Eda (who's in harpy form) menacingly. Her, King and Luz are floating in the space, Eda looking at the hooty unhappily, King faced away and turned back to look at us, one hand outstretched to Papa Titan, Luz looking at stringbean (surrounded by light spells) with tears in her eyes. Written overtop of the image is the lyrics "and here's to you, Mrs Robinson!". End ID]
💫🎶and here's to you, Miss Noceda! The Titan loves you more than you will know, wo oh oh!🪶✨
#the owl house#toh#luz noceda#eda clawthorne#king clawthorne#king toh#papa titan#watching and dreaming#sorry i wrote out all my tags in drafts and then tumblr ate them so i am. keeping this brief#I think a lot about how the show ends with luz technically becoming a chosen one but it's so completely earned imp#*imo#bc it all stems from her connecting with and taking care of this overlooked and lost kid who just so happened to be the son of God#and about how papa titan called himself a ''big fan'' of Eda like#imagine you're someone condemned by society at large and when u meet God (bc you fucking died) he says he wants you to live#even more he wants you to want to live. which is important bc you're fifteen and suicidal#this shows crazy man#i sometimes worry that bc i mostly only talk about what i like about the show ppl think i don't care/don't get it#which is dumb#but like. i talk about what i like about the show not bc i don't have crit of but just bc like. the parts that are good are REALLY good man#i love her (toh) dearly and it fucks me up we're coming up on the 100 day anniversary of the finale. insane#anyway. tumblr pls don't eat this i only have so many years left on this earth
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do you have any thoughts on the story of abraham and isaac? my parents talk about it and praise abraham for being willing to kill his son which..... scares me to say the least, and i'd love to hear your perspective as someone who seems more well-adjusted
Where I am now, it disgusts me more than anything. The interpretation of "I'm willing to sacrifice your life if I was told to" feels like the step before "I put you into this world and I can take you out of it." It's entitlement to a child, who is an independent individual, just because they are dependent on you for survival. I prefer the interpretation of understanding the actions you're taking and the reasons why (like how there's multiple religions that don't eat pork because it was so unsafe to eat at the time), especially if it's at someone else's expense.
Where I was in the thick of it all, it gave me morbid comfort that scares me now. I had fantasies of being a martyr for the church and the idea of being the next Isaac was just so appealing. Being a hand-selected sacrifice chosen by the Good Lord Himself? Sign me the fuck up, babey!
I think if I admitted that to my family, they'd be horrified.
It's another one of those stories or beliefs where I think the majority of christians just regurgitate what they've heard. It's a point of pride and devotion, but there's no personal reflection or cross-cultural awareness of it. Lean not unto your own understanding and whatnot. It's the potential that scares me the most, like the Quiverfull movement with the Duggars or Turpins. I'm sure there's stories now, but I can't remember them off the top of my head
(Also I will be telling my therapist someone on Tumblr called me "more well-adjusted" thank you anon)
#My therapist has called me 'surprisingly well-adjusted' before#He has since retracted that title and given it back multiple times#I don't know if you relate more to the 'Scared of my parents for praising that' or the 'Scared that I was okay with that' part#maybe both#either way the cycle ends here with you#No more bible quips and quotes that harm you and others. You find your own understanding and eventually it feels nice#It doesn't at first I will admit that. At first it feels like you're gonna go to Hell Right Here Right Now#But eventually you learn to trust yourself. It's a slow process. I've been in therapy for a good 6-7 years now#But one day you wake up and notice life feels more authentic. You feel like your values matter (and they actually do!)#And again it's slow. It's in bits and piece and back and forth. My worst habit is switching something from religious to moral#I highly recommend this type of therapy called ACT it's a CBT subtype#I'm usually not a fan of cbt so u know it helps if I recommend a subtype of it#CBT shit is so cheap I got a workbook from the library#this isnt relevant to the post but#my cat is trying to steal my burger king rn#it gets better (I have a cat) but progress isn't linear (eating burger king)#ex christian#religious trauma#anon tag
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Uh-oh! You are like, SOOO awkward!!
You're so awkward that it is occasionally mildly uncomfortable for people!
You're so awkward that sometimes people are confused by you and then there are awkward silences!
You're so awkward ...... that ultimately no one is harmed!!
Oh damn!!! What a vile crime you have committed! What an unforgivable thing it is to make a fellow human briefly confused!
Why, if *I* were ever briefly confused and kind of uncomfortable as a result, I'd be devastated.... by the absolute net zero change in my happiness and health! - From which I might never recover!! Yes indeed! No punishment can ever be enough for you!!
So you better absolutely hate yourself for it.
Better be SO MEAN to yourself about every single missed social cue so you don't forget your horrible crime! Meaner than you'd ever dream of being to someone else for the same thing! This is YOUR responsibility!
You need to show the world that you KNOW you are bad by punishing yourself constantly! After all, think of all the people who BENEFIT from you punishing yourself! - No, really! Think about it! Think about who benefits from your pain.
Think of alllllll the definitely-good people that your definitely-necessary self-torment definitely helps! I mean, you can't just cut off their definitely-life-sustaining supply of your suffering, right?? Sure, everyone else has a breaking point, but you're probably the only person in human history who doesn't, right? Best not to question it probably. Sure, it's a symptom that billions of people with trauma have had, but who knows? You could be a one-in-seven-billion exception. Anything's possible!
Instead, better just accept that idea that bullies carry like guns in holsters - the idea that people who have trouble with social cues deserve to suffer. Better carry on the burden they placed on you until you drop. Aid the cause of the callous by enforcing shame and suffering upon yourself extra hard; try your best to do their work for them. They're very busy.
Better not recognize that you need patience and kindness to heal from your trauma. Better not find out that it was trauma rather than personal weakness filling your head with self-hating thoughts. Better not find out it wasn't your fault.
Better not find out that awkwardness is not inherently harmful or unkind, and, in fact, the people who act like it is *are the ones enacting harm and being cruel.*
Better not get righteously angry when you realize just how much unnecessary damage this has done to you. After all, if you get mad, you might realize you deserve better. You might even feel brave enough to DEMAND better! You might build boundaries that keep you safe! You might make other people think they deserve to feel safe too! And we obviously can't be having that, so...
Better not show yourself even a little kindness a little bit at a time.
Better not make a habit out of it after all that practice.
Better not get confident.
Especially if you can't first wipe out every trace of awkward. (And you probably never will. Because people who experience absolute social certainty at all times tend to be insufferable assholes that enforce the status quo. And you just don't have the stock portfolio for that.)
Better not be confident and awkward because then you might confuse and delight people
- you might accidentally end up making other people feel less shame for their social difficulties
- you might make isolated, traumatized, and shy people feel like they deserve to be included in social situations
- you might even make them feel they can be themselves around you
- you might start loving the effect you have on a room
- you might enjoy conversations more
- you might forgive yourself and bounce back from shame more easily and frequently
- you might come to enjoy some of those moments of harmless confusion you cause because NOBODY expects the Confident Awkward, and that can genuinely be an advantage in social situations
- you might stop apologizing so much.
- you might find that socializing is like a video game: it requires practice but also a safe space for it to be fun and positive.
Or if you can't become assertive and confident, better not remain awkward and shy and quiet, and then love and forgive yourself anyway!
Why, it would be carnage!!
In either scenario, you run the risk of finding out that it's not your fault that safe spaces full of kind people can be really hard to find, create, and nurture. You could end up building a skillset that helps you do those things if you're not careful!
If you start giving yourself even the tiniest amount of grace at a time, you will find that you've accessed a gateway drug with extreme long-term side effects:
- You might realize that it was never your fault that it took so long to like yourself.
- You might realize that you were always worth talking to, even when you didn't like yourself and communication felt impossibly difficult.
- You might realize that you'll still be worth talking to even if communication becomes harder as you age and/or experience disability.
- You might come to know that you deserve to be heard even on bad days when words come slow and blurry.
You might discover that you were always deserving of kindness, first and foremost from yourself.
So. As you can see, it's FAR too much of a risk to start granting your awkward self free pardons for your many heinous and harmless crimes. Better to just leave it there.
#social skills#i have a few posts now in my ' social skills' tag#original#maybe eventually I will compile them and polish them in some meaningful way. I know what I want to call the book title#in big text it'll say 'I'M AUTISTIC' and then beneath that in smaller text 'And I Have Better Social Skills Than You'#or something to that effect. and the cover of the book will be me making an exaggerated smug face like the little rascal I am#challenging the viewer to pick up the book and see if they can prove me wrong.#and then the entire first section of the book is about how actually the issue with our society's social skills is the harsh judgment#for people who have trouble communicating and not the other way around. I don't actually think I'm the#most charismatic person in the world by a very long shot. but i do know that I have put more thought into my social skills than#most allistic people and frankly i have surpassed most of them. not because i am more persuasive or smooth or funny#(tho i am persuasive and funny lol) but bc i have questioned which social functions are more restriction than utility.#and instead i have focused my energy on actively learning how to make people feel safe. i feel social rules would benefit all people by#being a little more autistic tyvm. i don't think every person should dedicate themselves to being better at communicating#i think people should dedicate themselves to being kind and patient to everyone regardless of their ability to communicate#I think our society wrongly links communication ability to intelligence and intelligence to level of humanity.#when in fact all three of those things are fucking unrelated and connecting them inevitably leads to#really fucked up views on disabled people that hurt us. and then with that aspect of the book firmly understood and established I would#go on to recommend some ways to make socializing easier and more fulfilling (and less shameful and terrifying) for all kinds of people#it wouldn't be a book about Leaning In To Succeed in Business or 'here's how to avoid being the awkward loner at a party'#it'd be a book about how if you see someone alone at a party here's how to invite them to join your group without pressuring them#stuff like 'hot tip! if someone takes a while to type or speak a full sentence - talking over them b4 they can finish makes u an asshole!'#I know that a lot of people cannot or don't want to dump a lot of skill points into socializing like i did and they shouldn't have to in#order to experience basic dignity and respect. if we treat people like that then we just validate that people - especially#autistic children and elders and disabled people of manu varieties - have to suffer unless they learn all these arbitrary bullshit rules#and a lot of them are arbitrary bullshit! one of the reasons I throw people off so much is because I harmlessly break a lot of social rules#but I know I'm doing it and I'm not ashamed and people just don't know what to do with that! but a lot of them like it actually!!#i think it's a relief to be around someone so openly and unrelentingly weird bc what am I gonna do? judge you for being weird??#I only care if you're kind. not necessarily 'nice' or passive. Kind. Brave enough to care about people being treated well. Kind.#also I recognize that at least some of my ability to be openly weird is white privilege so that's important to acknowledge too
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