#two things about me: I am 1. heartbroken 2. dramatic

[simmyfrobby]

― ”The Hollow Men”, T.S. Eliot.

Hockey Poetry Post 25/?

(Photo credit: Steve Babineau, Maddie Meyer, Maddie Meyer, Maddie Meyer)

[66stitches]

Marigold (II)

𑁍 best friend!abby x reader

𑁍 Summary: Abby loved you in a way she believed you could never reciprocate. Per her friend's advice, she began to avoid you in hopes of healing her aching heart.

𑁍 CW: sfw, angst, a little bit of fluff, unrequited love, happy ending yippe, jealousy, friends to lovers, hurt/comfort, reader neither described as masc nor fem, no physical description of reader besides that she is able-bodied, fighting, swearing, violence, ellie mention, a lot of crying, pet names.

𑁍 WC: 4.4k

𑁍 Daily click - Palestine masterpost - TLOU and israel

𑁍 divider creds

𑁍 Chapter 1 - Chapter 2

You buried your cold hands deep within the pockets of your maroon-colored jacket in an attempt to ward off the biting cold, each breath you took formed a slight cloud in the crisp air.

"Don't you think it's a little cold for ice cream?" You spoke, looking over at your friend walking alongside you.

"Maybe you'd enjoy it more if you actually got a good flavour."

You and Ellie wandered through the familiar town, your thoughts running as you dragged your feet across the pavement beneath you.

You tried to focus your thoughts on anything besides Abby: the cold breeze of winter stinging your nose, your coffee-flavored ice cream that, according to Ellie, tasted like burnt shit, the fallen leaves and the sound they would make when you'd step on them.

But she always managed to find her way back into your thoughts, contaminating your brain with the presence of her memories. The memories that once brought you joy were now nothing but painful.

Your steps came to a halt as you stopped by the town's bar. Wooden panels adorned with colorful string lights and a paper that read "winter dance" stapled on the entrance.

"Oh, I almost forgot about the dance tonight," Ellie spoke as she finished the last bite of her ice cream. She tossed it in a nearby bin. "You're going, right?"

The town hosted dances and gatherings quite often. It was never really your thing, but it was Abby's, being the social butterfly she is. She always dragged you along, and you were happy to follow.

But Abby was no longer with you, and now you had no reason to go.

"No, I don't think so," you replied. "Are you?"

"Yes, I am, and so are you." She said it as if you had no choice in the matter, her tone leaving no room for argument.

"Come on, don't just say no because of Abby. This is the perfect opportunity to get your mind off her," she sighed dramatically. "It's also the perfect opportunity for me to show off my dance moves."

You sighed, and though you were not yet convinced, you allowed yourself to consider it. "I don't know, Ellie.”

"Please? If not for yourself, then go for me. You're not really gonna let me go to this thing alone, are you?" she pleaded.

"Stop that. You know guilt trip always works on me."

She grinned. "I know."

"Alright," you said as you threw your hands up in defeat. "I'll go."

Ellie was right, you needed this. It was unfair for you to miserably lay heartbroken when God knows Abby was probably already out having fun, relieved to be rid of you at last. It wasn't fair for Ellie either who came a long way to see you.

𑁍

Nora slipped on her last layer of clothes and started combing back her dark hair.

"You're awfully quiet," she spoke, looking over at the blonde resided beside her, currently styling her hair into her signature braid.

Abby offered no response for a moment, simply going back to her task.

"Uh, you okay?" Nora asked.

"I'm fine, Nora," Abby replied, speaking without a glance at her friend's way. It was clear that she was lying, Nora could see that. Abby had been evidently troubled for weeks, her distressful demeanor was something no soul could miss.

Nora sighed as she placed her hairbrush down. "No, you're not. Tell me what's going on with you," she asked, though she knew she didn't need to. She knew it was you who's causing her this sorrow. In truth, that had always been the case, even long before you two had stopped talking.

"I don't know, I'm just a little worried about her, I guess," she said. Merely talking of you was most difficult for her. She had been trying to avoid the topic of you for quite some time now, always shutting her friends down when they tried to ask what happened between you and her.

"You don't have to worry about her, Abs. She's got that redhead friend of hers to keep her company." Nora tried her best to be comforting.

Abby almost had to physically stop herself from rolling her eyes at the mention of Ellie. Of course she had noticed the two of you spending time together quite often, and as happy as she was that you had someone to keep you company, she couldn't help the seeping feeling of jealousy that contaminated her to the core at the first sight of you two.

“Please, don’t talk about Ellie,” she practically groaned, not doing much to conceal her obvious jealousy which earned her a slight grin from Nora.

“Jealous, much?” Nora asked.

That’s when Abby really rolled her eyes. “Nobody said that, Nora,” she said, albeit she knew she didn’t exactly give much room to conclude otherwise.

Abby didn’t want to admit truly how jealous she was of the red-headed girl and how badly your falling out had affected her.

She no longer wept, though she always felt as if she was on the verge of doing so. She tried to distract herself with the gym, but what once brought her happiness and contentment now felt like a chore. She didn’t need a distraction, she needed you.

She envied Ellie: she envied the way she got to hold you without that awful feeling of sheer guilt in the pit of her stomach; without that nagging voice in her head telling her what a disgusting person she is.

She envied the healthy relationship Ellie had with you, how comfortable she was in sharing affection without feeling as though she was fulfilling some perverse fantasy.

She was constantly plagued by the urge to go back to you, always having to remind herself of what a horrible idea that would be, as well as Nora’s persistent lectures which stopped her from doing something so foolish.

She was happy that you had someone to keep you company and comfort you, but she still couldn’t help the way she felt about Ellie. Her jealousy eating away at her every time she saw you together, doing things you once did with her, and she felt endlessly guilty for being jealous.

“Do you think she’s going? You know, to the party?” Nora inquired.

Abby considered it. She was unsure whether she wanted you there or not.

The sight of you would dim her mood, that she knew for certain, but she missed being in the same room as you.

“Probably not. T’was never really her scene.” She sounded different whenever she would speak about you. Her tone would change significantly. She sounded softer. Sadder.

Nora considered her next words for a moment before speaking. “Do you want her there?” She asked.

Abby zoned out for a moment, contemplating.

“I don’t know.”

𑁍

You stood beneath the cold wind staring at the town’s bar. You could hear everyone inside. Dancing, talking, yelling, singing along to the music. You took a deep breath and walked in, your eyes immediately scanning for Ellie.

You found the redhead standing by the bar with two drinks in hand. She met your eyes from across the room and gave you a smile as you walked up to her.

“So you came.” She handed you a drink.

“Yeah,” you responded as you fiddled with the bottle. “You were right, I’ve got to stop moping. This is good for me.”

Ellie tilted her head and smiled. “See? Told you. I’m always right.”

Moments passed, and you mostly followed Ellie around like a lost puppy while she socialized and met some new people.

That’s something you always envied about her: how she can make friends so easily and how confidently she carried herself most times.

You two then sat at the bar, allowing yourself to rest a little as you indulged yourself in conversation.

A conversation you were no longer paying attention to, Ellie’s voice slowly beginning to sound faded as your eyes were locked on someone else across the room.

And that certain someone was watching you right back. Deep blue eyes locked onto yours, keeping you connected from the other side of the room. Her brows were furrowed. She looked pained, tired, and yet still as beautiful as ever.

You didn’t think you would ever be in the same room as Abby again, but there she was, in all her glory.

She wore a tight green shirt that hugged her strong figure in all the right ways, along with some faded brown pants that accentuated her thighs.

“Stop looking at her.”

Abby was first to break eye contact, snapping you out of the trance that were her eyes. You averted your gaze from Abby and back to Ellie.

“Again, I am so sorry. I seriously didn’t know she’d be here,” Ellie apologized for what seemed like the millionth time.

“It’s fine, Ellie”, you reassured her, but you both knew it wasn’t fine at all. You sought a fun night to distract you from the ache in your heart that was Abby, only to have her come and bring that ache with her.

You were unsure whether you were surprised to see her here or not. You knew that she enjoyed these parties, but you assumed she wouldn’t be attending this time after what had happened. Perhaps you should have known better.

“There she goes staring at you again,” Ellie groaned and rolled her eyes. “Come on, let’s just get out of here.”

“Way ahead of you.” You were already throwing the remainder of your drink and getting ready to leave. Ellie followed shortly after, but not without bidding her new friends goodbye.

You stood in the sidelines waiting for her as she moved all around the room.

You then found yourself praying to whatever god there is up there to allow the ground to open up and swallow you (or Ellie) whole, because with all of her careless wandering, she mistakenly bumped into Abby, nearly spilling the last of her drink on her. Nearly. That part you were grateful for.

“Oh shit, man, my bad,” Ellie chuckled. She did not sound the least bit apologetic. In fact, she only sounded proud of herself. You wondered if it had even been accidental at all.

Abby recognized Ellie immediately, of course she did. She was not only looking at you the whole time, but as well as glaring holes into the back of Ellie’s skull.

“Oh please, don’t pretend like that wasn’t deliberate,” Abby said harshly. Ellie grinned mockingly, glad that she managed to get such a reaction from the blonde.

“Aw, what’s making you so hostile, Abby? Makes it seem like you’ve got a personal grudge against me.” Ellie just kept pushing Abby’s buttons, speaking in the most condescending tone she could muster. If there was one thing Ellie was good at, it was riling people up.

You practically sprinted to them, grabbing Ellie’s hand and gesturing for her to leave.

You met Abby’s eyes once again, but this time was different, because now you stood close enough to really look at her again; close enough to get another hint of her intoxicating smell.

Once again, she broke eye contact.

“Correct me if I’m wrong, but I think someone’s a little jealous,” Ellie pushed again, trying to get another reaction from Abby. She wrapped an arm around your shoulder. “You’re jealous that she’s got me now.” Ellie grinned again, enjoying the sight of Abby’s scowling face.

“Ellie!” You yelled. You were getting upset as well as embarrassed. Whatever Abby was mad at you for, she was definitely never forgiving you now. You pushed Ellie’s arm away and tried to grab her and leave once again. You were ignored.

“Jealous?” Abby scoffed, she was the one grinning now. “You’re just a replacement. You realize that, right? If it weren’t for me leaving her, she wouldn’t even spare your desperate ass a glance.”

You were left aghast at Abby’s words, Ellie clearly was too. She tried to hide it, but it was clear Abby’s words had hurt her.

You opened your mouth to defend Ellie. You loved Abby, that would never change, but you would not stand for anyone talking to Ellie like that and speaking lies about you. But Ellie interrupted you before you had the chance.

“Yeah? ‘Least I never fuckin’ ghosted her or made her feel like shit the way you did; at least she’s happy with me. So yeah, got your girl now, bitch,” Ellie retorted, looking evidently proud of herself for that last sentence. Clearly she still found this fun.

Abby’s clearly had enough of childish banter. One thing about her is that she was never afraid to get violent.

She took a step forward and shoved Ellie, nearly knocking her off her balance. You were ready to interfere, until Ellie shoved Abby right back with the same amount of zeal.

Everyone’s attention was on them now, not including those who were black out drunk. The entirety of the bar went quiet, staring at the two women in excitement. As if you thought this couldn’t get any more humiliating.

“You both are fucking childish,” you yelled and tried to get in between them.

Quite the dumb move on your end. The punch Abby threw was meant for Ellie, but with your careless action of stepping in, you were the one taking the hit, your head snapping back.

What you didn’t expect, though, was for Abby to hastily grab your face, softly cradling it between her hands.

“Fuck, marigold, are you okay? I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to hit you,” she spoke quickly. The tone in her voice was scared and replete with concern. It was evident on her face.

She seemed surprised by her own actions as well. She didn’t think nor intend to hold you like that. When it came to her, protecting you almost felt like a natural instinct.

The feeling of her hands on your skin and her face so close to yours nearly made you forget the aching pain on your cheek.

You snapped out of it swiftly and pushed her hands away from you, sending her back.

“You don’t get to call me that anymore,” was all you said. It was bitter, laced with venom. Abby looked hurt, but mostly ashamed of herself. She didn’t speak.

“Now can we just leave already?” You groaned and turned to Ellie.

“Yeah…” she breathed, still glaring holes at Abby.

You grabbed Ellie’s arm and finally left. It took everything in you not to look back at Abby. You wished you didn’t care about her so much.

You were now back at your house, examining the swollen area on your cheek which you knew would soon be a shade of purple.

You spent most of your time in your head, replaying that incident continuously.

What you truly could not manage to get out of your head was how Abby had reacted when she’d accidentally hit you. That name she called you: you were certain you would never hear her utter that word again.

You were both confused and comforted by the gesture, but you tried not to dwell on it.

“God, she’s even worse than you described. What a bitch.” Ellie had been ranting and moaning about Abby for what felt like all night.

You tried to tune her out, not wanting to think about Abby so much. Is this what Ellie felt with you?

“You should’ve let me fight her. I mean, she’s big as shit, but I could definitely take her on.” She took a moment to observe herself in the mirror. “Definitely,” she repeated.

“Ow!” You flinched as you poked your swollen skin. That got Ellie to stop her ranting and come to your aid.

“You okay?” Ellie held your jaw and observed your cheek.

“I’m fine, it’s just…” you trailed off. “You started that fight on purpose, didn’t you?”

Ellie raised her brows at your question and smiled slightly. “Nah. Trust me, if it was deliberate, I would’ve spilled my drink on her. This was just a happy accident, as Bob Ross once said.”

“Yeah, well your happy accident got me a punch to the face, but I’m glad you found it fun.” You rolled your eyes and stepped away from the mirror.

“Actually, you jumping in between us is why you got punched. Seriously, what were you thinking?”

“I wasn’t thinking. I just wanted you guys to stop.”

Ellie frowned and crossed her arms, an expression of remorse scrawled upon her features. “Shit, I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine. She’s just… she’s so fucking confusing, Ellie,” you said and buried your face in your hands.

“I know,” Ellie empathized. She wasn’t the best at comforting, always getting awkward in serious situations. But what she offered was her ear, and that was all you needed.

“I mean, what the hell was that? Did you see how she grabbed me? What she called me? Why does she think she can just do that after everything?” You were trying to remain calm, which wasn’t easy with Ellie staring at you so sympathetically. “Why does she still act like I mean something to her?”

“Maybe it’s ‘cause you do,” Ellie suggested, placing her hand on your back and offering you some much needed physical comfort.

It really did not make any sense, Abby’s actions only managing to confuse you more. Could she really have cared about you? Was there still something there, or did she merely feel guilty for hurting you?

Now what you had planned to uplift your mood and ease your sorrow had been ruined by Abby’s presence. It seemed as though she haunted you everywhere, bringing nothing but ache and destruction alongside.

𑁍

Abby felt weak.

She had tried to avoid you, as she usually did, but the memories of what had occurred the other night played endlessly in her mind, fueling her with guilt.

She’d tried to make herself stop caring, convincing herself that you meant nothing to her and that what had happened the night prior did not affect her, but to no avail.

She cared about you, and that would never change. She could avoid looking at your face as much as she wanted, but your image was forever seared into her mind.

Today was a particularly gruesome one. You did not bother to hide the bruise that formed, and Abby didn’t fail to notice.

She had tried to walk up to you and apologize, each time cowardice and shame taking a hold of her and turning her back around.

The idea of speaking to you again after everything intimidated her, which was quite unusual for someone like Abby. She never anticipated a time would come where she would be apprehensive about facing you.

Unfortunately for her, you did not lack discernment. You noticed her reluctance in making her way to you; noticed the way she was internally battling herself.

You stood outside, bidding Ellie goodbye as she left to go back home.

When Ellie was finally gone, Abby walked up to you again, and you hoped for what seemed like the hundredth time that this time she would not turn back around. You didn’t know whether you planned to forgive her or not, but you still wanted her to speak to you.

When she noticed you looking at her as she made her way to you, she stopped at a halt and turned back around.

Her actions and timidity were beginning to frustrate you, but right as you were about to speak up, she turned around once again and walked towards you, this time faster, as if she wanted to get it over with before her apprehension got a hold of her once more.

“Hey,” she spoke, her voice laced with discomfort.

The gleam in her eyes changed as she got another look at your bruised cheek, feeling infinitely more guilty.

You didn’t reply and simply waited for her to get to her point. You wanted it to seem like it was because you were mad at her (and you were), but in truth you were at a loss for words.

Because she was here. She was speaking to you; she was looking at you. It took everything in you not to break down into tears at that seemingly insignificant act.

“So…” she trailed off, eyes scanning everywhere timidly. “I just wanted to say that I am so, so sorry. For hitting you, I mean. I swear, I meant to hit Ellie but you got in the way— not that I’m saying it’s your fault, because it wasn’t—” she was rambling now, her nerves getting the best of her. If you were any less hurt, you would laugh and call her cute.

“What the hell do you want, Abby?” You interrupted aggressively, which earned you a look of both shame and bewilderment.

“To… apologize?” She said it more like a question. She was slightly rendered uneasy by your anger, but she did not blame you in the slightest nor was she surprised. It only made the guilt grow into something more unbearable.

“Apologize, huh? Don’t you think you have other things to apologize for? You think this—“ you pointed at your bruised cheek, “is what hurt me?”

Abby took another look at your cheek. She didn’t reply. She looked down and crossed her arms, hugging her sides. Your eyes followed her hands and noticed the way she dug her nails into the skin of her hips, her knuckles slightly turning white.

You remembered all the times where you would scold her for that bad habit of hers, asking her why she’s so nervous and having her brush you off and ask you not to fret.

“Just let me-“

“No, Abigail. I don’t wanna fuckin’ hear you right now,” you interrupted. “You said you never wanted to see me again, so why don’t you just stick to your word?” Your heart broke into a few more pieces at the mention of that night, remembering all the things she had said and that distant tone in her voice. Her heart broke as well, remembering how cruel she was and the painful look on your face.

“Why do you have to be so damn confusing? Why are you contradicting yourself by saying you never want to see me again, only to keep looking at me with those fucking eyes, starting childish fights, calling me marigold, and now you wanna try to talk to me and expect forgiveness?” You were yelling at this point, letting everything spill out with no control or filter.

And Abby was quiet, understanding. She was listening. Her knuckles were turning whiter with every word you spoke, her eyes slightly glistening.

“You left me without a word. You never tried to talk to me about what happened, maybe we could have fixed it!”

“You wouldn’t-”

“No!” You interrupted again, not wanting to hear her voice and only spilling what has been bottled up inside you. “Don’t speak and let me finish! You didn’t talk to me, Abby. Do you have any comprehension of how terrible I felt? Did you enjoy knowing that I spent nights wondering how the hell I was supposed to fix what you destroyed?”

“I-”

“I’m not done! What made you think that you could just walk up to me and-”

“Stop!” She was the one to interrupt you this time. “I love you,” she said before she could think. It was said quietly, softly, and this time she was looking you in the eye.

That definitely shut you up. You stood there, gawking. You were trying to form words, but none came to mind. Your head was empty, but your heart was heavy, filled with emotions you couldn’t quite place.

Abby was clearly getting anxious by your lack of response, so she spoke again.

“I don’t know if you’ll accept my reasoning for what I did, but that’s it, and I’m sorry. I did it because I loved you. Because I love you.” Her voice was shaking slightly. She was afraid. It was painfully obvious.

“Why- why didn’t you tell me?” You stuttered, dumbfounded. Of all the possibilities you considered that might have been the cause of what happened, this was something that would have never crossed your mind. Not in a million years.

“Isn’t it obvious?” She laughed, though her voice held no humor in it, laden only with pain. “I didn’t wanna lose you. I was afraid I’d ruin what we have,” she said, digging her nails even deeper into her skin. “But now I already did.”

The last part was quiet, spoken slightly above a whisper. She no longer met your eyes, detaching herself from you almost completely. She was sure this was the last time you would ever speak to her again. This is where you would let her go.

It undoubtedly hurt and scared her to reveal herself to you; to finally speak the words that were sure to cause you to let her go, but she didn’t want to be selfish anymore.

She would face her feelings and allow you to leave because of it. The words you had just screamed at her did not fall on deaf ears and she would no longer leave you ignorant to the truth and pained from the untold.

You offered no response. Endless words and confessions played in your head, but none left your mouth. You felt frozen, but you also wanted to know what else she had to say.

Abby’s apprehension only grew at your silence. “Shit, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable. I knew you wouldn’t take this so kindly but I just needed to get it off my chest and I am so, so sorry. I understand if you don’t wanna talk-”

Her profuse rambling was interrupted by your lips on hers. Your mouth didn’t move, only feeling the soft plush of her lips against your own.

The kiss ended as quickly as it came. Her eyes were wide and she was left gawking. “So that’s how I get you to shut up,” you joked.

“Fuck, come here,” she breathed. She grabbed your face and swiftly pulled it to hers, meeting your lips in another, more passionate kiss.

You pulled her in further by the collar of her shirt. You were so close that you could feel your hearts beating against each other. You could not imagine anything more intimate.

Her lips were slightly chapped, yet still soft and plush, and she tasted beautifully. It was as if the heavens had descended from the skies and given you a taste of its richest, most forbidden fruit.

You forced yourself to separate your lips so you could catch your breath. You pulled away and met her face, her eyes heavy and mouth slightly agape. She looked beautiful like this, all blissed out. The sun kissing her face reflected the gleam in her eyes like light beams in the sky. You smiled at the scene.

“I love you too, you idiot.”

“I love you, my marigold.”

𑁍

a/n: this took so fucking long I don’t even know if people are interested in reading it anymore but here it is

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@grey-jedi12

[thedeviltohisangel]

All The Things I Did (3): Don't Leave Me Alone

chronology: chapter 1 chapter 2 interlude 1 chapter 3 interlude 2

a/n: well well well. here i am again. not as sad as interlude 2 i promise. i put them in chronologic order up top for all the new fans of this fic. focusing on gale and cass this chapter. i've appreciated all the screams in my ask box (i will explain anything about spook x bucky i've got going on in my head whenever you want, shoot me a dm) and will work on more interludes this weekend. keep the prompts coming! good a good mix of current & post war bucky x spook. love you guys and enjoy this longer one in celly of the finale.

Of all the places for them to bump into each other, no one should have been surprised it was in the base library. It was small and quiet and didn’t have the nicest lighting. But it had plenty of books on plenty of topics and very few people ever frequented it. Normally, it was her place to unwind and seek solace. Breathe in the scent of the worn bindings and get lost for a few hours. Cass wasn’t sure if John even knew it existed so it only made sense that this is where Gale would find her first.

Gale Cleven had been in communication with John Egan since their first day of basic training. Had watch him fly and crash on occasion. Watched him flirt and dance and take girls home. Only a few times had watched him give a piece of his heart and never once had he watched it go anywhere. When he had sent him the unicorn to pass along as an apology to a bar owner in Greenland, John had written one line at the end that made him more confused than the figurine had. A little note at the bottom: P.S. I think I’ve found my girl. 

Gale hadn’t known then, wouldn’t know for awhile, that Bucky had only seen her across the airfield when he had written that. Hadn’t even spoken a word to her. Had taken one look at the way every man on that base stopped and parted for her. One look at the way she navigated herself around the airfield while never looking up from the paper in front of her. John Egan had been gone like a freight train.

“Excuse me, Lieutenant Cooper?” She was in an armchair in the back of the library, curled up as much as her uniform would allow, thumbing through a book on Prussian history with two others opened and balancing precariously on either side of her and a stack of yet-to-be-read books piled on the floor. “I don’t mean to intrude. I just thought I’d introduce myself. Gale Cleven, friends call me Buck.” 

“My friends call me Cass.” She shook his hand as firmly as she could, her right arm in a sling. “You know, John has a whole thing planned for us to meet. He’ll be heartbroken.” Him and Cass had spent the night on a blanket in the flowers, just like she had wanted upon her return. He told her all about his best friend Buck and that introducing her to him was almost like her meeting his sisters or mother. Joked that she needed Buck’s approval before he could take her on another date.

“We can work on our story. Let him still have his moment.” Cass smiled and motioned for Gale to take the chair next to her. She placed a notecard between the pages to keep her place before giving him her full attention. 

“I’m sorry your first impression of me was when I got off that plane yesterday. I promise I’m not always that dramatic.” Gale laughed. The swelling in her eye had gone down slightly and there was color back to her cheeks. Maybe a couple of new bruises on her neck but he assumed his friend was more likely the culprit of those than the secret police.

“I barely noticed over the commotion of Bucky.”

“I wasn’t expecting that,” she noted shyly. All of a sudden her fingernails were much easier to look at than Buck’s gaze.

“I’ve known Bucky, John, a long time. You’ve enraptured him, Lieutenant.” Gale hadn’t expected such a reaction either. Bucky had always been somewhat impulsive, sure, but always with a personal gain in mind. Win the bet. Win the girl. Win the game. But yesterday had been near primal. A base instinct to protect. To put himself in between her and those who would do her harm. It had come as natural as breathing.

“Your word choice is inspiring, Major Cleven.” Her eyes twinkled. She knew.

“Has he serenaded you yet? Then you’ll really be inspired.” 

“I don’t know if that is what I would call it. I haven’t worked my way to that level of affection yet.” He thought back to the desperation in John’s voice when he called Cass’ name yesterday. Thought back to the venom that replaced it when someone got in the way of him reaching her. 

“I’m sure it’s only a matter of time.” She ducked away from his gaze again.

“Don’t tell him I’m telling you this, but I’m pretty enraptured by him, too.” Gale reached over and squeezed her hand, locking the secret between them, and stood up to let her get back to her reading and to find the book he had come here looking for in the first place. “Cass? I’ve got a favor to ask. It’s kind of a big one.”

“Something wrong, Buck?” 

“No. Just something that’s been on my mind since he left.” He mulled over the words for a moment. “He’s got a big heart. Does a good job at hiding it. I’ve been doing my best to protect it since the day I met him but if something happens to me up there…”

“You don’t even need to ask, Gale.” She would be his armor. Protect John Egan the way her soul had told her she should from the second she laid eyes on him. Had recognized the purity within him and felt the need to protect it. Cassandra Ann Cooper had been gone for John Egan the moment he stepped foot in England.

Gale nodded in appreciation. “I’ll see you at dinner tonight.” He walked to a shelf out of her sightline and Cass sighed deeply. She had faced down some scary people. But that interaction had her stomach in more knots than any of them. She had met, and talked to, and hadn’t made a fool of herself in front of, Major Gale Cleven. Cass smiled. John was going to be so happy when he found out.

----

The man in question was having a bit of a devious streak. Decided he was going to be early to pick up Cass instead of simply on time. Decided, after five minutes of waiting, that it had been too long since he last kissed her. Mary rolled her eyes when he came strolling in, thinking better of it when she opened her mouth to ask what he was up to. 

“Mary, I swear if Major Egan is early, tell him I’m not ready.” He smiled as he heard Cass answer his knock.

“Too late, Spook. Let me in so I can see whatever potions you're brewing to look so goddamn beautiful.”

“Are you calling me a witch?” Her voice was closer this time. John pressed his palm to the door where he imagined hers was.

“I miss your face,” he provided simply.

“I have curlers in my hair.” Her mother had never let her father see her with her curlers in. Even after thirty or so years of marriage. Told Cass it took away the allure of femininity. 

“Good. I’ve been imagining what you might look like in my bed in the morning-” He almost fell through the door when she opened it, her fist around his tie and all confidence choking off in his throat. 

“No remarks like that in the hallway where anyone can hear you.” Cass sat back down at her vanity for the finishing touches of mascara and powder. 

“Afraid they won’t find you so spooky anymore?” There weren’t too many artifacts of her life for him to look at. Photos of what she presumed were her parents and her siblings. A pile of letters with a return address in South Carolina. A jewelry box on top of her dresser.

“I don’t mind the nickname. I never had one growing up.” John stopped to admire her in the mirror as she pulled the curlers from her hair. He swallowed. It did look like he imagined she would be waking up next to him. How she would be after spending the night letting him worship her.

“Hey, wait on that for a second.” Cass put the tube of lipstick down and looked at him with a question across her brow. “Don’t want to mess it up when I kiss you.” She smiled and crooked her finger to beckon him forward, standing on her vanity chair as he got closer.

“So handsome,” she sighed as she took the opportunity of her newfound height to really take him in. She knows he would disagree but Cass found something ethereally beautiful about John Egan. The slope of his nose and the angles of his cheeks. The soft hair on his upper lip that she had found such joy in kissing. 

“I’m glad you think so.” He started with just a quick peck, enjoying the look of annoyance on her face. 

“That’s not worth holding up my lipstick application for.” John took that as a challenge. He felt guilty for only a second as he tangled his fingers into the curls at the back of her head and held her steady. John was trying to be mindful of the healing cut on her lip but she was pushing herself closer and closer and he had no choice but to give her more and more. It wasn’t slow. It was a spark spinning itself into a fire. An ember catching fire on all the things around it. He was a man starved for her oasis. She was a girl all too eager to tantalize him in the desert. 

John slid his arms to wrap tightly around her waist, lifting her against his body and turning so her back was against the wall. Instinctually, she wrapped her legs around his waist and gasped into his mouth at the sensation. “Fuck, Cass.” 

“John, we have to slow down.” She was enjoying his lips that had moved to her throat all much. Was so flushed with desire for him that beads of sweat were collecting in her collarbone. Cass unwrapped her legs from around his waist and John smiled with pride when her knees buckled ever so slightly. 

“You’re right. Do this the right way. The slow way.” He straightened his tie and bent down when Cass reached up to fix his hair.

“Doesn’t have to be slow forever. Sir.” She knew exactly what she was doing when she said it. Relished in the way it made his eyes darken with lust again immediately. “We’re going to be late to dinner. And I already made a literally bloody first impression with Gale.” 

“Come to think of it,” he noted as she expertly coated the red pigment around her lips, “it might’ve been more fun to try and kiss it off of you, Lieutenant.” 

“There’s always later.” 

He watched her hips sway to the Jeep, held her hand while he drove and smiled so wide it hurt when she slid across the bench and kissed his cheek. It all felt so normal. Felt like he was back home taking a girl to a movie and milkshakes on a Friday night. Felt like being with her was exactly where he was meant to be.

“Before you ask, no, we are not going back to the pub tonight.”

“Oh?” she asked as they drove right past. “Our memories from the other night incapable of being topped?”

“Just thought we would meet him somewhere nicer. This little bistro up the way a little bit.” 

“John Egan, are you nervous?” 

“Maybe.” She laughed but snuggled into his side. 

“It’s very sweet that you love Gale so much.”

“Don’t tell him. I’ve got a reputation to uphold.” Cass thought back to her conversation with Gale in the library. About the mushy heart right behind the very ribcage her cheek was resting against. 

“You know, I’ve been told I’m good at keeping secrets.”

----

Gale watched from the window by the table as John’s Jeep pulled into view, smiling to himself as Cass held his friend’s and kissed him. Stayed close to whisper reassuring words and knock his nose against hers to seal the promise.

“Bucky you lucky son of a bitch,” he muttered. They held hands as they walked in and when she let go to shake Gale’s hand, firmer this time as the sling hadn’t gone with her dress, John had kept his hand on the small of her back. Looking back on it, Gale doesn’t think there was a moment the whole night they weren’t touching. 

“Cass, this is the best man I’ve ever met, Major Gale Cleven. But I call him Buck.”

“Gave everyone else no choice but to call me Buck, too.” John pulled her chair out for her and pushed it in, sitting straight as a rod in his own until her arm locked around his comfortably. He visibly relaxed and kissed her forehead when she offered it.

The conversation flowed smoothly, John none the wiser the two of them had already met. Buck had her giggled over stories of a younger Bucky, taking her back to their days when they were first learning to fly. She asked about Marge and John noticed the way her chin dropped into her hand and she watched Gale with adoration as he spoke about the woman he had loved since he was a child. And would love until the day they died. 

“She sounds absolutely lovely, Gale.” Cass reached across the table and squeezed his hand when his gaze turned melancholy for a moment. 

“If you’re crazy enough to see it through with this one,” his chin jutted towards John, “I’m sure you and Marge will be thick as thieves.”

“Hey! I’m not that bad of a guy,” he spoke around bites of his dinner.

“John, you’ve got a little…” Cass motioned to the corner of her mouth to signal a bit of sauce was lingering on his. Without even really thinking about it, she used the corner of her own cloth napkin to dab away the offense. 

“Better?”

“Perfect.” Gale could lose his stomach with the sweetness. “Gentlemen, if you’ll excuse me to the powder room.” John stood as she left, watching her with a dazed smile on his face until Buck coughed.

“She’s something, Bucky. A real class act. Whip smart. Has you wrapped around her finger many times over.” John hummed around his sip of whiskey. 

“I’ll keep wrapping myself around it as long as she’ll have me.”

“Yeah? I should tell you she’s too good for you.” 

“You’d be right. I don’t deserve someone like her.” He swirled his glass pensively. “You know I love you and I love Marge and I love the little world you two build whenever you're together. I’ve always wanted that but kept getting in my own way. Chasing the immediate instead of being patient. Cass and I, it’s going fast because of this fucked world we live in. And I’m not getting in my own way because I’ve found a girl who won’t let me.”

“Watching you two, I think it’s real, John.”

“I think it is too,” he swallowed the lump in his throat. “We’ve got to make it through this thing, Buck. I came here with nothing to lose but now I’ve got something I couldn’t stand to.” There was something desperate in his eyes. The same look Gale had seen yesterday when he was fighting the officer to reach Cass. 

“Feels nice to have someone to live for, doesn’t it?” he teased.

“Nice, scary, like I’m being mauled by Meatball.” They both laughed in spite of the truth. “You think she’s smitten with me?” Gale rolled his eyes.

“I do.” Bucky nodded.

“Good.” Cause he thinks he might love her. 

“Sorry for the prolonged departure.” She came back with a  smile, John standing and kissing her gently. “Major, I just reapplied that.”

“Couldn’t help myself.” Didn’t want to. 

He watched her and Gale banter back and forth the rest of the night with a smile on his face. Cass was the first girl he was introducing to his best friend, wished it was under better circumstances. Wished he had met her somewhere the threat of not making it to tomorrow didn’t exist. That he could court her properly and take her to the drive in and canoeing on the lake by his parents house and listen to a ballgame on the radio in the summer. Wished he had the courage to tell her and Buck that he was scared of losing them both. That he had been up there once and would back up a hundred times more if it meant they could live in a safer world. 

And one day, after all three of them had done their part to end this war, John will mention this dinner at Buck’s wedding. And Buck will mention it when John asks him to be their child’s Godfather. But they didn’t know what they would have to go through to get there. That John’s fear of losing them both will come true. And that he would almost lose himself in the process of getting them back.

[attractive-nuisance-esq]

Ed’s journey this season is going to perfectly mirror addiction and recovery, and I am so fucking here for it. Watching these first three episodes of S2 was like watching a highly dramatized AU of my own descent into rock bottom (except everyone was dressed wayyyyyy cooler than I ever was), so I have a lot of thoughts, reactions, and insights that I want to share with other fans. I’m sure many of us who have struggled with our mental health connected with Ed in these episodes, but I think addiction is the most appropriate lens through which to view him because addicts (more often than people who struggle with other mental illnesses) so wholly destroy their own lives and utterly devastate those of their loved ones. I want to share - from the perspective of someone who has steered her own ship straight into a storm and woke up alone to face some very hard choices - what is going on with Ed at the start of this season and what I think is coming.

Let me start by saying that Ed isn’t literally addicted to any one thing, despite his heavy use of drugs and alcohol, but his goal is the same as that of all addicts: escape. He does not want to sit with the pain of Stede leaving him on an immediate, surface level; on a deeper, more habitual level, he doesn’t want to sit with the pain of his own self-loathing. Of course the two are related: the former brings the latter to a head. Stede abandoning him dredges up and brightly illuminates all of his insecurities, and now Ed has to run. Get out. Escape. Don’t think about it. So he is fighting, stealing, drinking, snorting, shooting, killing - whatever it takes to not think about it.

“Demon? I’m the fuckin’ devil.” People in recovery often talk about addiction as if it were a separate, sentient monster living within them. Ed taking on the mantle of demon - a creature known specifically for possession, for removing the host’s free will - is intentional. So is his insistence that he’s not just any demon but the demon. The worst there is. (More on that when we get to The Innkeeper.)

Izzy’s confrontation of Ed in the captain’s cabin and then on deck is a form of intervention. Izzy is trying to help Ed, but of course this goes terribly for him and for Ed because interventions (I cannot stress this enough) are maybe the worst thing you could do to an addict. All addicts know things are bad, but they cannot be pushed to change one single second before they’re ready. Ed knows things are bad. He’s well-aware of how he’s spending his time, how his crew feels about him, how disappointed Izzy is. Being confronted with all of those truths by Izzy was always only going to make him do two things: 1) dig further into his unhealthy coping mechanisms, never mind that they don’t have nearly the effect that they used to; and 2) lash out at the person who forced him to think about it. Izzy lost his leg the moment he stepped into Ed’s cabin.

The impossible bird. You guys remember the song Chandelier by Sia? The one about her addiction to alcohol? The whole thing may as well come right out of Ed’s mouth at the end of that first episode, because that experience is exactly what he’s trying to convey to Frenchie. Nevermind that Frenchie has the temerity to tell him the bird can’t exist, that it has to come down sometime, that flying forever isn’t sustainable. The bird can come down on its own terms, or crash… but Frenchie’s definitely not going to say that much. Still, “that sounds like something that can’t exist” hits Ed, and leads us to the next episode.

Now we’ve got Ed forlorn, heartbroken, almost catatonic while playing with his cake toppers. We don’t actually see him crying in the opening of the episode, which is the point. He’s done crying now. The impossible bird can’t exist, and Ed has already resigned himself to this. He’s decided to die. The only sure-fire permanent way to not think about it.

When next we see Ed, he seems to be doing better, but this is a huge red flag for anyone who knows to look. He’s giving away his responsibility to Frenchie; he’s cleaning the cabin for the closure. He knows the end is coming fast, and the relief that knowledge brings him leaves him weirdly at peace. It is he eeriest part of these episodes, IMO.

Then he goes to find his first mate, the person who knows him better than anyone else in the world, the man he just fucking shot and ordered killed. Ed needs his low opinion of himself validated, and of course he thinks he’ll get it from Izzy after everything he’s done to him. He wants the one person who has stuck with him through everything to confirm that he’s now irretrievably broken and no longer worthy of his love. Ed wants someone to tell him that he’s right: he should die.

He doesn’t get that from Izzy. Interestingly, Izzy doesn’t tell him he should die. He says “Clean up your own mess.” Izzy has learned the lesson now that Ed isn’t ready to get better and that he can’t make him be ready. (This post isn’t about Izzy, but hoo boy - I have big feels about that man.)

Ed has been indulging in various forms of self-destruction in order to not feel his feelings, and steering the ship into the storm is his worst indulgence yet. This is the worst of his crimes - not beheading or arson or a red wedding. It’s when he tries to bring down everyone who has ever loved him into his misery, into believing what he believes. The audience generally (and Ed’s audience of Stede specifically) can forgive him for hurting strangers and for the non-specific mayhem whose victims we’ve never met; but it is much less certain that anyone will forgive him for hurting the only family he’s ever known.

The storm itself is the perfect metaphor for Ed’s attempt on his and, incidentally, everyone else’s lives. One of the most common metaphors used by friends and family members of addicts is that of a hurricane: that their addicted loved-ones tend to destroy everything they touch, anyone who was foolish or brave enough to stick around. And, like hurricanes, addicts aren’t malicious. Ed’s primary goal here is to get himself killed, not to kill everyone else. He wants the ship to go down so his death is certain. His firing a cannonball into the mast and asking Jim and Archie to fight to the death isn’t malice: it’s utter and complete nihilism. Nothing matters anymore. Nothing and no one. The end is near, and he’s so fucking drunk and high off these distractions that he couldn’t think about it if he tried. He’s manic with relief. (See also: “Finally.”)

And now for the finale: Purgatory. Buckle up, because this is where the addiction analogy gets real *chef’s kiss.* Purgatory is the equivalent of the morning after the worst, most rock bottom binge night of your life. You wake up with no one for company but the ghosts of your former selves. Now what?

Well, first - who is Hornigold to Ed? Why is he the guy Ed sees? It’s because Hornigold is another addict, if you will, but one who is (in this Purgatory hallucination) farther along in his recovery. He can impart some wisdom from that place, but he can also stand in as someone Ed can loathe because they’re not as different as Ed once thought, even if Hornigold can say he’s grown.

Hornigold tries to give him soup. He tells Ed, “Gotta get these nutrients into you,” and then literally shoves soup down his throat. That’s what it’s like in rock bottom. You don’t want to take care of yourself, but some lizard brain survival instinct takes over and makes you drink water, eat a piece of fruit, take yourself to the hospital. These things don’t really happen voluntarily that morning after, but you can still count on that instinct to kick in with some damage control.

Ed telling Hornigold how he “got here.” Hornigold says “Mutiny. It’s always mutiny.” Ed insists his mutiny was special, worse somehow. This whole scene is exactly what happens in your first recovery support group meeting. You go in thinking no one has ever been as fucked and fucked up as you are, which makes you feel isolated and alone. But then you get there and everyone else in the circle has done the same shit, been through the same shit. Ed’s not actually the devil; he’s just another demon, like many demons before him.

Ed worries he’s insane when he reflects on everything he’s done. Hornigold’s reply that “Feeling bad isn’t going to rebuild an abdominal wall” is a concept that people usually learn a little bit later in recovery, so I expect we’ll see more on this theme from Ed. Guilt is a useless emotion that only serves to conversely make the addict feel better but doesn’t help the harmed party: the addict feels like their suffering is cleansing, but it’s not - feeling guilt is just more self-indulgence, more self-destruction. Hornigold - a fellow addict in this moment - is trying to get this lesson to him early. It’ll return.

“You’ve got to move on or blow your brains out.” We’re getting back to Purgatory as the metaphor for the morning-after rock bottom, because this is the exact calculation that every person in recovery has done. They all had to answer that one big question. Your whole life is a mess, and you made the mess. Do you want to clean it up? Or quit? (Or make some soup? Yeah. That big question can’t be answered without basic needs having been met. So let’s eat. Let’s start there. It’s easier.)

Now we have Ed’s fantasy about opening an inn: This is also a common part of the morning-after rock bottom. You start thinking about the wrong turns you took, the mistakes you made, the way your life was supposed to go and all the reasons you’re not where you wanted to be. (And all the people you can blame for the fact that your life didn’t go as planned.) And when that honest part of yourself starts telling you that actually it’s all your fault… well, a) you don’t wanna hear it, and b) you can’t silence (kill) that monster, no matter how hard you try. You’ve got to face it. Face all those truths you’ve been running from for years. Now you have to think about it.

So now the big question, the inevitable math. Hornigold suggests looking at the pros and the cons. That’s the easiest way to break the calculation into manageable variables. This is probably my favorite moment of the episode, because when you’re sitting there, morning after the worst night of your life, everything is fucked - these are the exact variables that go into your equation. Do I really want to live? You ask yourself that, and because your life is in fucking shambles, you come up with the stupidest goddamn reasons to keep going. You wanna see the next seasons of Good Omens and Loki. You wanna eat your mom’s spaghetti again. Sometimes it’s nice when someone hugs you. It’s never the big things that save your life; it’s a bunch of the littlest things. The smallest comforts. The big things… they’re too unattainable. They’re too much to hope for, and they’re more than you could possibly deserve. What are the pros of living for Ed? Warmth, good food, orgasms. This is a stunningly accurate representation of the things that will keep you alive once you’ve hit rock bottom.

And then the cons: “I don’t think anyone is waiting for me.” This is why addiction is the better metaphor. There is no human experience more isolating than addiction. You are alone in more ways than you’ve ever been before. You have pushed away or pissed off everyone who ever cared about you. And even the ones who will maybe still be there for you - they can’t help you clean up the mess you’ve made. You have to do the work alone, even if they’re still willing to stand next to you. And this con… it’s the scariest one. Your list of little pros looks so pathetic next to the horror of being utterly fucking alone. Who is going to brave that for some stupid shit like Tom Hiddleston sexily flipping his hair back in that Loki way he does? Why should Ed carry on just because blankets are cozy and marmalade is pleasant?

This is where we get to the moment on the mountain, and what Stede represents. Hornigold tells Ed “You’re unlovable, and you’re afraid to do anything about it.” Ed could do two things about being unlovable: He could try to fix it, or he could end it all. Hornigold represents the worst part of Ed: his weaknesses and cowardice. And if Hornigold is in the driver’s seat, he’s going to end it all. He throws the rock off the cliff, and Ed gets dragged down into the water to drown. (Let’s also talk later about how often addiction is compared to drowning, and how nothing else in the show actually threatened Ed’s life - not Izzy with a gun, not all the rhino horn, not Jim’s cannonball - like drowning in his own mind.)

But then there’s Stede. Stede is how the pros win over that one big, horrifying con. Stede is hope. Stede is just a glimmer of hope. Hope is the most important thing you need in the morning-after rock bottom. As much as I enjoy the idea that it was love that saved Ed, I don’t think that’s a wholly faithful interpretation. Because Stede’s love for Ed doesn’t solve anything, doesn’t fix anything - it certainly doesn’t fix Ed. It cannot fix Ed. Hornigold just told Ed that he’s the one who has to “do something about it,” because Ed is the only one who can save himself. But even if Stede’s love for him in itself isn’t what saves Ed, Ed’s trust in Stede combined with that love gives him hope. Stede loves Ed, truly loves him, came back to him even though he knows Ed’s nature, knows his list of crimes, knows what he’s done to Stede’s friends and family. And maybe Ed can find in himself what he trusts Stede truly sees. It’s a “maybe,” not a certainty. But it’s hope. Someone loves him. Maybe he can love himself, too.

This Woman’s Work: I read this song as referring more appropriately to Ed’s relationship with himself, in no small part because Ed literally made himself the woman in the cake topper couple. All the things that should have been done, should have been said - they’re things Ed needs to do and say to himself. He’s got a little life and a lot of strength left. The journey has just begun.

I want to pop back quickly to a few other moments in The Innkeeper that resonated, starting with Stede and Izzy’s discussion about what happened to Ed: “He went mad. He was a wild dog.” Izzy describes Ed’s breakdown as if he was no longer the same person he once was; this is exactly what addiction does to a person. Ed hasn’t been himself; he’s been held hostage by his need for escape, and he’s become something else. Possessed, if you will.

Izzy: “You and me did this to him, and we can’t let the crew suffer any more for our mistakes.” I’m not writing an essay on Izzy (yet), but this is a very interesting perspective that says a lot about Izzy. Stede and Izzy both owe apologies to Ed, but they are not responsible for his actions. I predict we’re going to see this theme explored in later episodes as a part of Ed’s healing process and recovery. And also hopefully in Izzy’s growth.

Frenchie’s line that “We’ve been living second-to-second for a while now” is a callback to the impossible bird idea. Which, again, is just Chandelier x Sia. “I’m holding on for dear life, won’t look down, won’t open my eyes, keep my glass full until morning light ‘cause I’m just holding on for tonight.”

So what’s next? For me, it was learning to sit alone in a quiet room with my thoughts. It was apologizing to the ones I hurt, because even if I didn’t mean to hurt them - even if I was suffering also and worse - they still got hurt, and in the end it didn’t matter why. It was developing the habit of liking myself, and acting on whatever self-love and affection I could conjure up. And yes… it was new seasons of Good Omens and Loki, my mom’s spaghetti, and hugs.

So I think Ed has a lot of accountability, reflection, and breaking of old habits in his future… but also warmth, good food, and orgasms. And good for him. That’s the beauty of recovery: we get to come back.

[orionsangel86]

Welp. Okay I watched the last episode of ofmd.

To sum up my thoughts on this season I will say that whilst I enjoyed it and felt the love and passion and respect for its queer fanbase throughout, it didnt hit me the same way the first season did. It felt like maybe a little bit of that season 1 magic was missing and for that I very much blame Max's cutting off 2 episodes and slashing the budget. They had a lot of story they wanted to tell that would have worked so much better in 10 episodes.

I consider the last 3 episodes of season 1 some of the best TV I have seen in my life. From the use of The Chain in ep 8, through the dramatic highs and lows of eps 9 and 10 it was edge-of-your-seat drama and I was in awe at the creators that put it together. But one of the reasons why those 3 eps were so good is because the drama and the pivotal moments were given time to breath.

If those 3 eps were given the same lack of time and budget as season 2, no doubt they all would have been crammed into 1 episode and it would not have had the same impact.

If anything that last episode should have played out across two, with Izzy's death being the half way point and cliffhanger ending leading to a final battle and somewhat happy resolution.

I'm not mad at Izzy's death. If anyone was gonna die, it was gonna be him. His status as Blackbeards enabler and sometimes mentor is over. For Ed to truly be free, I think Izzy always had to go. From a storytelling perspective it makes perfect sense, even though I am sure a lot of fans are absolutely heartbroken about it.

Another casualty of the reduced screentime meant certain original cast members weren't given anywhere near the amount of screentime they should have had. I was expecting a lot more focus on Jim as they were basically the third lead of s1 due to them getting the same backstory as Ed and Stede. All of the crew appear to have had drastically reduced parts which does feel like a big loss to me.

Its funny actually, OFMD S2 suffered from the opposite problem to GOS2. OFMD had too much story to tell in a limited timeframe, GOS2 had very little story to tell outside of the flashbacks and probably too much time given to it. Both shows season 2s suffered from tremendously bad pacing issues.

Also, the one thing the final episode made so obvious to me, is the uncertainty of getting a s3 renewal. It is so clear in the way they tried to wrap things up in a happy bow as best they could, so that if they do get cancelled it leaves fans at least somewhat satisfied. I hate this though. I hate that studios are so fickle and ruthless that creators have to gamble with good quality writing and avoid cliffhangers because of asshole executives who dont actually care about the stories.

Because of the fast pacing, and the fear of cancellation, it felt more like a rush happy ending instead of a part way point in a bigger story, with important character development still to come. Perhaps I need more time to absorb the story in a full rewatch, but im not exactly itching for more at this point, whilst also not really being satisfied with what I got either. I wish we had left Ed and Stede in at least some minor peril, like have them captured and threatened with hanging but at least in a good place romantically, so that we can start speculating about what kind of escape plan they will come up with in season 3. Leaving them in a dilapidated old inn somewhere just felt wrong to me. Instead of ending the season with the stakes sky high (like season 1) it feels like they left season 2 with zero stakes at all, instead of at least a happy medium. At this point we should be turning to fanfiction and wondering what happens next, but instead I'm left thinking "okay then. That was good. What can I watch next?" I don't need to bury myself in fanfic and fanart to feed the hyperfixation this time around, and that is where I feel the most loss.

I'm sure others will have hugely different reactions to me though. Perhaps my expectations were too high? Perhaps my GO obsession just isn't leaving room for OFMD this time? But then again, I think if GOS2 hadn't ended the way it did, I wouldn't still be so obsessed with that either.

Sigh. I dunno. It was a good fun show and will no doubt still be hugely popular with devoted fans, but for me I just can't say it cast the same spell over me as it did last year.

[popmusicu]

Why I love High School Musical so much?

Since I was a little kid, I’ve always been a great fan of the High School Musical movies. When the second film was released, I even got a Barbie of one of the main characters. The plot is simple, it’s about a group of teenagers that discover how much they like music, especially the singing and performing part. Because this is a story about teens, all the emotions that they are experiencing are very intense, and that’s why I really love it, because every feeling of joy, anger, disappointment, or whatever, are expressed by songs.

The reason why I love these movies, it’s because as the characters of the movie, I’m a dramatic person, and sometimes it’s hard for me to say or identify what I’m really feeling, so a helpful way of expressing my emotions it’s through songs.

I could say that all the songs are special for me, but I want to talk about my favorite ones:

1. Gotta Go My Own Way: this song it’s played in one of the most dramatic scenes in all the 3 movies. It’s about a girl that is breaking up with his boyfriend, and she’s telling him the reasons why she needs to be alone for the moment. One of my favorite parts is: 

What about us? What about everything we've been through? What about trust? You know I never wanted to hurt you And what about me? What am I supposed to do? I gotta leave but I'll miss you

Once I was heartbroken, and this song helped me to relieve all the things I was feeling, indeed I told the person that was hurting me that he should listen to that part of the song, so he could understand what he made me feel, it was really fun.

Also, even when I’m not sad I like to hear and sing this song because the teenage drama is so intense that it’s fun.

2. Scream: this song it’s about a character that must take a huge decision about his life: choose between what he likes and what people it’s expecting him to do. All the things that people are telling him to do, are making him doubt about what he really likes and it’s best for his future, one of my favorite parts it’s:

It's just so hard Voices in my head Tell me they know best Got me on the edge They're pushin', pushin', they're pushin'

I like this song because there was one time when I had to make a huge decision about what I was going to do in the future. Every adult in my life told that I should try harder because all the things that I was feeling were part of the process. I knew that was not what I needed in that moment of my life; however, all these comments made me doubt about what I was feeling. After all, I took the right decision: I did what I knew was best for me.

3. Just Wanna Be With You: this song it’s about the love between the two main characters. My favorite phrase is:

But whatever happens I know I've got you

The truth is that I love this song but just because I’m a hopeless romantic person. They are so cute when they are together, that every time I listen to this song, I feel really nice.

Basically, I really like High School Musical because there is always a song that can relate to what I’m feeling and experiencing in my life, or just because I think they are fun to sing and to listen to.

Martina Alarcón Z.

[mionemymind]

Chapter 3: The Harsh Treatment

Fake Memories

Series Summary: After Y/n is caught cheating on Wanda with Carol, Y/n would do just about anything to get Wanda back into her life. But was it even Y/n’s fault that she cheated? Or was it the new enemy set on revenge?

Chapter Summary: What will happen to Y/n as the team pushes her past her limits? 

A/n: I lied, I decided to be nice and post it now. Honestly, the amount of support that I’m receiving from this fanfic has literally made me smile so much. I really love all of you who read and/or comment. You mean the world to me. Let me know what you think. :) (Not my GIF)

Warnings: Starvation, harmful thoughts, curse words, self-doubt, mentions of blood, injuries, angst

Word Count: 5k

Masterlist

Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 | Chapter 6 | Chapter 7 | Chapter 8 | Chapter 9 | Chapter 10 | Chapter 11 | Chapter 12 |

Y/n abruptly woke up at the feeling of pressurized gas coursing through her body. She quickly sat up, unable to see anything in the white fog. The cold feeling only lasted a couple seconds before F.R.I.D.A.Y stated, “Fire has been contained.” Y/n hugged herself for warmth as she waited for the fog to disappear. This was the 13th time this month that she was woken up with pressurized gas. At first, it was foam but someone in maintenance had changed the system after the 5th time she woke up. 

Y/n looked at her surroundings and sighed at the damages to her sheets. There were burn marks along with small amounts of frostbite from the gas. “At this rate, I won’t have money for food.” With a grim face, Y/n got up from her bed and proceeded with taking everything off her bed, a routine she unfortunately started to learn. 

Y/n didn’t know when things got worse. If she had to guess, maybe it was after the whole fiasco with Wanda. The team had been on edge ever since then. “They probably thought I hurt her,” Y/n thought at the time, but it was far from the truth. She had wanted to explain herself to the team but dismissed those thoughts with, “What’s the point in trying? I’ll always be guilty to them.” 

As for Wanda, the still heartbroken girl didn’t dare to speak to the team about that night. Even she didn’t quite know what happened. Since that night, she only lied to herself stating that maybe Y/n had done something. It would probably remove the guilt she had when she thought of the blood running down Y/n’s face. But even the lie couldn’t repress the truth from her thoughts. 

After she collected her bedding, she threw it away in the trash can along with the other damaged beddings. Y/n grabbed her wallet off her night stand and opened it. She couldn’t feel it, but her heart dropped at the sight of the lack of money she had. Only a $20 dollar bill as well as a couple ones were left. She closed her eyes and tried her best to keep herself calm, to try and act like the world wasn’t closing in on her. It was a couple minutes later when she opened her eyes and looked at her wallet again. “This was supposed to last me for the rest of the month.” Y/n rubbed her forehead, feeling the overwhelming stress from her lack of funds. 

One might ask, “Aren’t you an Avenger? Shouldn’t you make a shit ton of money.” And at one point, Y/n would say yes, she did. But it all came back to that night. A week after, she had overheard a conversation that went…

“I just don’t understand why you’re doing this to her.” Y/n was about to go around the corner, but decided to wait at the sound of Steve’s voice. “It’s simple Rodgers - unless I have to remind you why we needed to redo the glass in the conference room.” Steve sighed at Tony’s simple minded actions. Y/n could practically feel him crossing his arms in a disapproving manner. 

“Well she did work fair and hard for her money Tony - this just feels wrong.” Y/n heard a couple clicks before Tony replied with, “This is for Wanda. Anything to get Y/n out of here by her own means is worth it. If you have a problem with this, you must not care as much for Wanda as I thought.” Steve sighed again seeing as he was morally put in an awkward position. It was either care for Y/n or care for Wanda. “That’s what I thought.” Tony left with a smug look on his face as he clicked more on the screen in front of him. 

It didn’t take long for Y/n to see the effects of Tony’s decision. Her pay day was the following day and the overwhelming sense of panic and anxiety rose up within her as she only had $400 to survive until the next pay day, which was a month later. Since then, her food portions have been small to say the least. Y/n learned that she only had enough money for the month to eat at least once a day and even that was cutting it. The dramatic changes to her diet had slowly affected her powers but it recently had an exponential increase. 

This was her fourth month of hardly eating when her powers started to flare at night. It has gotten to the point that Y/n couldn’t control them in her sleep leading to F.R.I.D.A.Y having to deal with her fireside. But her powers weren’t the only thing that has changed. If anyone were to actually look, they would see that Y/n had gotten skinnier. Her literal glow was getting duller and duller the more time passed.  

However, Y/n refused to feel sorry for herself. The sentence “I deserve this” was burned into her head. The brain tricks she puts herself through even allowed her to convince that Tony's decision was right. That Wanda didn’t need to tell the truth to the team. That Steve didn’t need to defend her. And that the team certainly was allowed to make her feel like nothing. Because to Y/n, if she didn’t deserve this, then why would you possibly treat a person like this? Just why? 

Of course, Wanda didn’t notice these changes at all. The girl was trying her best to avoid Y/n as much as possible. She always had exit strategies in place in case she were to be in the same vicinity as Y/n. However, Wanda also didn’t notice that lack of Y/n’s presence. Much to her dismay, Y/n’s efforts were the reason they didn’t see each other much. 

What Wanda did notice though was the slow and gradual decline of snacks in her cubby. It left her to question whether Natasha was done doing these small favors for her. But her reports were still getting done. 

The red head didn’t have much room to think though as she got slammed down on the mat from the other red head. “Take a ten - you’re distracted and we can’t keep going like this.” Wanda grumbled at another failed attempt to flip Natasha over. Hand to hand combat was one of the few subjects that Wanda hated the most. With the help of Natasha, Wanda got up and walked over to the waters on the other side of the room. She was gulping down the remaining when Natasha’s words caught her off guard. “What happened?” 

Wanda cocked an eyebrow while still drinking her bottle, needing more elaboration. Natasha faced Wanda while hundreds of thoughts racked her mind. Luckily for her, Wanda had trained her on how to make them quiet enough that Wanda wouldn’t be able to hear. When Natasha found the right words, she said, “I am not doubting you. I am doubting her…” Wanda closed the bottle and looked around the room to avoid Natasha’s eyes. This had been the first time that anyone from the team had remotely even asked her about that night. To be frank, she hadn’t expected Natasha to be the one to break the ice. Usually it was Steve that would act like the team’s counselor. Guess things change. 

Wanda sighed and recollected her memory for the night that continued to haunt her. “One minute, I left to get a drink from the bar. - she said that she needed to go to the bathroom. The next minute, I come back to see her all over blondie.” Wanda’s grip on the bottle tightened at the words she was going to say next. “I thought it was a mistake - that she could have been too drunk that night - b-but her thoughts were so - loud.” Wanda slammed her fist at the table in front of her, tears already falling down her cheeks. “A-a-and I saw everything-” 

The broken hearted girl didn’t have much energy left in her to continue. She dropped to her knees and sobbed into her hands. Natasha kneeled beside Wanda. She pulled the poor girl into her arms, trying her best to physically comfort her. But nothing could really make Wanda feel better. What could you say to a girl that saw every moment where her girlfriend has cheated on her? Nothing - you say nothing. 

“It’s quite pathetic actually,” Tony said as he spun the rod, causing his player to score in foosball. He was currently versing Steve as the two decided to quietly speak about Y/n’s actions for the past couple weeks. Going on the defense again, Steve shot back but Tony was quick to block. “She’s probably just trying to get her money back.” Steve huffed from the sudden slap shot as well as Tony’s rude words. 

For the past couple weeks, Y/n had gone from trying to win Wanda back to trying to win the whole team back. The first thing they noticed was all the completed mission reports and the continuation of it. Clint was the first to jokingly comment, “Bruce must really love mission reports.” But the genius bore a confused look before replying with, “It wasn’t me. Even I haven’t had anything to do in my stack for a couple days.” Bruce had a displeasured look on his face. Clint just assumed it was either he wanted to do his stack of reports or the comment was actually true...or maybe both. 

When it was time for the meeting, Clint had asked everyone in the room, minus Y/n, on who was completing the mission reports for everyone. “Well, I’m doing Wanda’s and mine,” Natasha claimed as she sat in her usual spot. No one was able to detect her lie, but then again, Natasha was always good at lying. 

Clint was quick to figure out that the only person remaining must have been the person responsible. With a straight forward voice, he explained to the team that Y/n had been completing everyones, besides Wanda’s and Natasha’s, reports. Still, Natasha sat there, copying the confused looks on everyone’s faces. She didn’t care to tell them the truth, it wasn’t worth it. However, the meeting proceeded with little comment on Y/n’s actions. She wasn’t worth the mention. 

“What if she actually is trying to say sorry to us?” Steve couldn’t help but feel slightly guilty for Y/n, but Tony’s words made the guilt go all away. “Oh - so miss Hydra over here actually wants to apologize - hilarious Steve.” With that, Tony quickly spun the rod and scored the final point, making him win the game. What the two failed to realize was the fact that Y/n had overheard their conversation. She no longer felt hungry for the day and had retreated back to her room, feeling overwhelmingly numb from the confession she heard.

It was a new and different day for Wanda. She had managed to want to try and sit in the common room with her team seeing as sitting in her room no longer gave her the same satisfaction anymore. Scrolling through the tv, she was about to pull up Bewitched when the following words appeared on the screen:

Bewitched is longer provided on Netflix. Please see related tv shows. 

“What do you mean it’s no longer available?” Wanda frustratedly questioned. And here she was trying to have a good day. “Sorry kid, I guess Netflix took it off their streaming service,” Clint said as he leaned over the couch. “No why would they do that?!” Wanda said with an exasperated look. Clint simply shrugged, Netflix did have an awful reputation for getting favorites removed or canceled. “No clue, but you could try other shows.” Wanda crossed her arms and huffed at his suggestion. “I was really feeling Bewitched today.” Ruffling her hair, Clint left after saying, “Try to feel for something else.” 

However, Wanda had failed to feel anything but angry for the remaining of the day. It wasn’t until she sat in her room for the night, aimlessly finding shows in her room when she noticed Bewitched on her home screen. She quickly clicked on it noticing that all eight seasons are there for her own viewing. Her mood immensely increased for the night as she fell asleep in the middle of season two. 

Outside of her room, Y/n had been cleaning up the compound for the night. It was getting harder and harder to clean the kitchen when everything in her wanted to just take a couple of snacks for herself. Her hunger was constantly on her mind as well as the stupid flashes that have sporadically appeared more and more everyday. But she wanted more than anything to prove to the team that she is a good person. Stealing, no matter how minor, was probably the last thing she needed to be labeled as. 

When she completed for the night, she returned to her room but paused outside of her door when she heard the Bewitched theme song loudly play in Wanda’s room. A small smile appeared on her face as she walked back into her room and slept on the floor tonight.

“Did it ever occur to you that I love you - like a lot?” The couple were laying in Carol’s room decorated with punk rock posters and pictures of their team. Small plants were placed around the room while Malcolm in the Middle was used as background noise. 

“Nah. I haven’t heard you say it in approximately - 10 minutes?” Carol laughed as Y/n glanced at her watch. They laid on their sides as they faced each other, their faces being only inches away. “Well I do.” Carol cupped Y/n’s cheek as she soon grew mesmerized. 

There are words to always describe feelings with someone but they all felt overused or incomplete. Because everything felt like this daydream colored borders with warm tones and retro filters as she glanced at Y/n. She felt like she was watching a show that she would never get tired of. Even if the show was in color or black and white, new or old, slow or fast, she would watch just to see her. Just her. 

“You do what?” Carol flicked Y/n’s forehead at her response. “Kidding - kidding.” Y/n said as she rubbed her forehead. Carol rolled her eyes and kissed Y/n’s head as she cuddled into her arms, legs tangled within the sheets. “I do love you.” Y/n kissed her hair as she combed it with her hand. “I know,” she whispered, hoping Carol would pick up on the secret reference. Because to Y/n, yeah, she’s worth a whole galaxy. 

It was the middle of the night when Steve woke up from a nightmare that shook him from his slumber. Rather than staying in bed to force himself to sleep, he got up and headed to the kitchen for a late night snack. 

Heading into the pantry, Steve pursed his lips noticing that Y/n’s cubby had been empty for weeks it seems like. The guilt that was slowly forming inside him kept building and building. Although he knew he could try to do something about it, the loyalty he had to his family - to Wanda. That was something he didn’t want to break. 

The relationship with Wanda and Steve was something similar to a father and daughter relationship. Steve had always wanted a kid of his own and Wanda had lost her father. The irony of it all just happened to work for the two. Even though Wanda nor Steve would admit it out loud, they viewed each other as the roles that needed to be filled in their lives. They needed each other regardless of titles.

But then there was Y/n. The troubled girl that made Steve absolutely nervous with how quick her and Wanda seemed to like each other. It absolutely didn’t help Steve’s case when the whole team found out about Y/n’s past. His anxiety had practically skyrocketed. It eventually led to a one on one talk with Wanda about how sometimes we need to protect ourselves before letting people in. 

But Y/n was still there. Breaking down Wanda’s walls. So just like any Dad would, Steve watched over. Making sure his girl was always happy and safe. So while Natasha may have refilled Wanda’ cubby and did her reports, Steve had carried Wanda to bed during nights she couldn’t sleep. He made her tea for times that she didn’t want to talk, which was often. He tucked her in at night and cuddled with her when she needed a shoulder to cry on. He was just there. 

But so was she. She was there whenever Wanda cried at night. She was there when Wanda would sometimes forget to eat after busying herself all day. She was there to take care of Wanda. She was there when Steve wasn’t. And that meant everything to Steve. So why couldn’t Steve be there for Y/n? 

There were a lot of unanswered questions roaming around Steve’s head. Rather than pondering more about them, he walked around the tower, eating a pack of cookies for himself. Just as he was turning the corner, he glanced towards the conference room to see Wanda asleep in front of her reports. However, the more alarming part was the girl that happened to be right in front of Wanda. Steve quickly grew on high alert and observed Y/n’s actions. However, after a couple minutes of harmless actions, Steve forced his shoulders to relax. “She’s just doing reports - calm down,” Steve thought. 

But he couldn’t calm down. The guilt had maneuvered it’s way back up to his throat as he actually noticed the pale state of the once bright girl. For someone that had literal fire abilities, she lacked the glow of any raging fire. Feeling nothing but guilt all over, Steve felt compelled to say something - anything. But he froze. He didn’t know what to say. 

However, the opportunity soon was lost as Y/n finished everyone’s stack of reports. Steve hid around the corner as Y/n passed him. Hearing a door close was when Steve stepped out of hiding. He glanced towards the direction of Y/n’s room, feeling every need to go to her. But his footsteps led him to Wanda. He picked her up and carried her to her room. Wanda will always be first in Steve’s heart. And nothing could change that. 

“We have to stop this treatment Tony.” Steve waltzed into Tony’s lab the very next day. For once, he couldn’t sleep for the remainder of the night. Y/n was all over his mind. The guilt was practically eating him alive. 

Tony rolled his eyes at Steve’s dramatic fashion for entrances. “Oh - good morning Tony - how are you - I’m actually pretty good.” Steve rolled his eyes as he stood in front of Tony, a hologram in between the two. 

“Cut the crap Tony - I’m being serious.” Steve crossed his arms. This needed to end. “And you think I’m not Rodgers?” Tony was quick to respond, already growing irritated by the conversation. 

“This isn’t right - none of this right.” Steve wiped the hologram to finally get a clear view of Tony as he grew frustrated by the second. Tony simply swiped it back, not wanting to deal with the issue. “Well maybe if she just quit - we wouldn’t need to worry about anything. It’s not my fault Fury hired Ms. Hydra - and if he finds out I fired her, he would not allow it at all.” 

“But can’t you see that your stupid plan isn’t working? All we’re doing is abusing the girl.” Steve wiped the hologram again but Tony simply walked to a different station and continued his work. Angry with his response, Steve walked around the table and stood beside Tony. 

“This needs to end Tony,” Steve said through his gritted teeth. The man was clenching his jaw so hard, it almost looked as if he was going to break his teeth. However, Tony quickly glared at Steve at the mention of his threat. 

“Don’t you fucking dare. Can’t you actually see that I’m trying to protect Wanda.” Steve tilted his head at the awful reasoning for his actions. “How is this protecting Wanda? Why are you even trying to protect her?” 

Tony slammed his fist into the table, feeling his anger rising by the second. “We - no - I need to protect her Steve!”

“Why Tony? Why?” 

“Because I’m the goddamn reason her parents and her country is dead. I’m the reason that everything she ever loved is gone. I’m the reason for her sadness. She, of all people, deserves happiness. And I sure as hell won’t let anyone else hurt her anymore - no more Steve.” Tony didn’t give Steve a chance as he walked out the facility needing a day drink more than ever. 

It was lunch time and all Wanda could think about was the need to cook paprikash. She didn’t know when the last time she had actually cooked. And seeing as the majority of the team was on missions, she could actually cook without interruptions or lingering eyes. 

Walking into the kitchen, Wanda tied her hair up and started to take out the necessary ingredients for the meal. It was when she was talking the spices out when Vision had appeared out of nowhere, nearly scaring the girl. “Vision!” 

Sensing a slight rise in her heart rate and anger, Vision had quickly apologized. “Sorry Wanda.” Wanda shook her head and quickly resumed prepping. “I will try to work on making my presence known. If I may ask, what is it that you’re doing?” 

“I’m making paprikash.” Vision’s mind grew curious at the word and quickly searched his database for it. “I see. A traditional Sokovian food.” Wanda didn’t realize it, but she had felt a little annoyed at the synthezoid’s presence. It wasn’t anything he did, but Wanda desperately wanted alone time for herself. 

Before she could ask, Vision had said, “Good morning Y/n.” Wanda’s quickly grew wide as she avoided glancing in Y/n’s direction. She hadn’t stayed in the tense position though as Vision announced, “Oh - it seems she had left before saying hi back.” 

Feeling ever more frustrated with people’s presence, Wanda was about to ask him to leave but noticed the confusion written all over his face and didn’t hesitate to ask, “What is it Vision?” Vision pursed his lips and contemplated his words. It was visibly obvious to see that he was trying to wrack up what to say. “I think...it’s just…” He sighed knowing that this was going to be a sensitive subject to the witch but knowing everything she's been through, lying was not the best option. “It’s just that Y/n-” Wanda quickly cut Vision off in desperation to know what Y/n had done to Vision. If the girl were to even lay a finger on him, she was sure to deal with it herself.  “What did she do? Did she hurt you? I swear-” Seeing her eyes turn red, Vision immediately explained himself. “-No no no. It’s not that, the complete opposite actually.” Wanda’s eyes slowly turned back to normal. When Vision saw that her heart rate was close to normal, he continued. “It’s just that...Y/n’s vitals have been decreasing in a fluctuating matter. Some days it would be a small decrease, but some days it would be a big decrease. Overall, her health has been poor.” Vision looked back at where Y/n once stood. If he hadn’t quickly analyzed her, he wouldn’t have noticed that today’s vitals was record worst. “Although she does have physical injuries, she seems to continue to radiate pain throughout her body even when those injuries have healed. It starts through her head and it spreads like a radio wave through her nervous system. I’ve done my calculations and the leading cause could be migraines...” Vision soon was in deep thought, trying to recalculate just to make sure what he was about to say was correct. “...but it doesn’t make sense.” 

Wanda tilted her head. Processing this information was hard seeing as at her darkest moments, she wanted nothing but Y/n to be hurt. She deserved it for all the pain she caused her to go through. But hearing it now? That was a different story. It was like an internal conflict was going through her. Should she even care about Y/n’s health? “What doesn’t make sense?” Vision looked hard into Wanda’s eyes as he said, “Migraines shouldn’t cause her heart to stop multiple times.” 

Wanda stared at Vision, processing the information that the love of her life is practically dying. “A-are you sure?” Vision slowly nodded. “However, after some calculations, I do believe she will be okay. She only needs a good source of food for her healing regeneration to fully heal this.” Wanda relaxed at Vision’s words. Although she has been through immense pain through these past couple months, having Y/n gone from her life like that would hurt more than anything. 

Before Vision could continue his explanation, F.R.I.D.A.Y stated, “Emergency alert. All available Avengers please head to the quinjet per the request of Mr. Stark and Mr. Rogers.” Quickly, the two headed to the plane as the important part of Vision’s explanation was missed. Little did Wanda know, Y/n would not heal any time soon. 

The trio arrived on the quinjet and wasted no time trying to figure out the mission that was ahead of them. There was a serious feel in the atmosphere sensing that this had to be bad. There was no way that it couldn’t have been. Because if it wasn’t, they certainly wouldn’t have invited Y/n to this mission. 

Lately, the girl has been assigned to only solo missions. Y/n couldn’t quite remember the last time that she was on a mission with any team member nevermind the fact with the whole team. 

“Backup is needed immediately after touch down. Vision and Wanda, meet up with Steve and Sam at the Northeast corridor. Y/n, you are assigned to the entrance,” Tony stated through the intercom. 

The feeling in Y/n’s stomach worsened. Not only was she hungry and sleep deprived, she didn’t also have a partner with her. It also didn’t help the fact that the flashes have gotten worse. Y/n couldn’t help but pray for a miracle. After all, they were dealing with the very people Y/n hated - Hydra. 

Y/n couldn’t quite tell when things on the mission got to shit. Maybe it was the fact that as soon as they touched down and went to their assigned positions, Y/n received a massive swarm of Hydra agents. It didn’t help that her health regeneration was not at its peak or these agents actually were decently trained. Or was it during the third wave, that was currently happening, where Y/n tested the limits of her body. 

Seeing the onslaught of agents coming her way, Y/n decided it was time to test out her new ability. She rapidly swung her right arm, building momentum as the fire within her right side blazed. As soon as the enemies were close, she released a fire tornado in their path. It had managed to take out at least half of the wave, but more and more kept coming. 

Pressing her comms, Y/n said, “Can someone send back up my way?! There’s too many for me to handle.” Y/n kicked back the agent that was about to stab her in the back, but was too distracted to the point a different agent was able to cut her leg. “Fuck.” 

Y/n quickly released an ice wall that at first glance, appeared to be the same height as the Great Wall of China. She hoped the barrier would give her enough time for her backup to appear. Focusing all her energy on her fireside, Y/n aimed at any agent near her, using her arm as a flamethrower. 

However, worry immediately grew when no one had responded to her call within a couple minutes. Before she could request again, Nat had spoken bitterly in the comms, “On my way.” Sighing in relief, Y/n continued to fight off the agents the best she could. 

But no matter how hard she tried to buy herself time, it seemed that Natasha was taking forever to come. It had gotten to the point that multiple lashes already appeared. Her healing regeneration couldn’t keep up at all. Not only that, but her body was either giving up from exhaustion or blood loss. It was only during the last couple agents when Natasha had shown up and quickly killed the remainder. 

Y/n glanced at the assassin and noticed the lack of any injuries on her and it was as if she barely broke a sweat. “What happened? I almost got killed.” 

Natasha glared at Y/n as she responded with, “I helped Bucky and Rhodey on the way, they needed it.” Y/n swallowed the lump in her throat knowing the redhead in front of her had practically lied. If backup was needed, it was always voiced through comms. 

Even if Y/n had wanted to confront Natasha about it, she couldn’t. Natasha had already left to head to the quinjet. Y/n simply limped a couple feet from her. When Y/n arrived, it seemed that everyone else was already prepared for take off. Feeling ever more guilty, Y/n simply sat at the closet seat to the entrance that was away from the team. But something inside her broke even more noticing the lack of any questions or concerns from the team in regards to her injuries. 

Not even bothering to buckle up, Y/n sulked in her thoughts when she realized, “Why doesn’t anyone care about me?” 

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[anonymousfiction211]

Give it time: ch3

A/N: I got in the flow and decided to write the last chapter anyway. Enjoy :)

Click here for chapter 1 Click here for chapter 2

Helping a ‘friend’ ‘Hey, (Y/N). You’re up early’ Steve greeted her, happy to see her without the egotistical God by her side.

‘Morning Steve’ she said with a hint of sadness in her voice. Something was wrong, he could tell.

‘What’s wrong?’ he asked. He was hoping that Loki would have slipped yesterday and that they had a fight. If they had broken up, it surely would make reaching his goal easier. He felt a little bad about manipulating her, it was not something he would normally do. But she was too oblivious to see that Loki is bad for her, she deservers better, much better.

‘Can we talk for a moment?’ she asked him.

‘Of course!’ he replied, he was growing anxious. Maybe Loki had said or done something to paint him in a bad light. He had to admit that it was extremely difficult to manipulate the God, or outsmart him. He followed her to the living room where they sat down on the couch. Steve immediately noticed the distance between them, which was larger than usual.

‘You know that Loki has some trouble with us hanging out. And last night it became worse. So, I think it is best to maybe keep some distance between us for some time. At least until Loki sees that there is nothing going on’ she told him.

‘(Y/N) if that’s what you really want, of course! I can’t say I will not miss you, but I never want to come between the two of you’ he replied, trying hard not to grit his teeth or to let the disdain of Loki show.

‘Yeah, I’ll miss you too. But I think I need some time to work on the relationship. We soon will be taking some time of to go away for a weekend. And after Loki is comfortable it all will go back to normal’ she smiled.

‘It’s always a good idea to work on your relationship. But if I can be honest, I am starting to grow a little concerned’ Steve replied, hoping to cause some doubt in her mind about the relationship.

‘Why?’ she asked.

‘Well, what if he never comes around? What if instead of working through his issues he just finds another guy to be jealous of? I mean, he is basically deciding who you can and can’t hang out with and I don’t think that is right. That shouldn’t happen in a healthy relationship. He has nothing to worry about, but what if one day there is a guy he should worry about? What will he do then?’ She explained.

Steve saw the wheels in her head turning. She probably would go through with the plan she had, but he knew in the back of her mind these words would linger. ‘Like I said, I don’t want to come between the two of you. But maybe something to watch out for’ he added, before it became too obvious what he was trying to do.

‘Eh.. yeah. Thanks for your concern, I’ll watch out’ she hesitantly replied, still deep in thought about his words.

‘But I have one favour the ask’ he said.

‘I actually have a date next week and I wanted to cook risotto. Your favourite if I’m not mistaking. And I was hoping I could practice tonight and you would eat with me? Tell me if it is any good?’ he asked.

‘Oh, ehm.. I don’t know with Loki..’ she started, but Steve interjected.

‘I know, but you know I can’t go to anyone else for this. Loki has to go on a mission anyway and will be gone. He never has to know! And after that you can work on your relationship. Please, I really need your help’ he whined putting on his best puppy-eyes.

He saw that she became uneasy, finding it hard to reject him. ‘Oh okay, but only if Loki is still gone and he doesn’t find out. It will be one of the last things we will do together for some time.’

‘Yes of course! Thank you so much (Y/N)’ Steve replied happily. All right, one down, one more to go he thought.

After the conversation she went off to work. They would meet at dinner time in the kitchen and eat there. Steve had already bought everything he needed for tonight. He would cook, reminisce and the two of you would drink some wine. Hopefully her guard would be down and then the tricky part. He had to plan his next move the moment Loki figured out what was really going on. Thinking of Loki, Steve needed to get him away from her for the rest of the day.

After waiting for a while Loki finally made it out of bed. Steve had to supress a grin when he saw how hung-over he was.

‘Good morning, Loki’ Steve said with a loud voice.

Loki flinched and really didn’t look happy to see Steve.

‘What do you want’ he grumbled while making some coffee for himself.

‘I have a mission for you’ Steve said.

‘What is it?’ Loki snapped.

‘We suspect that some of our opponents are using a form of magic we never encountered before. I was hoping you would go to the Sanctuary and find out everything about it. Since you are the one with the most knowledge about magic’ he explained, hoping to distract Loki with some flattery. Loki was intrigued and Steve started to tell him all he knew. It was true that there were rumours about this, but it was probably false. Anyway, it could wait months before they researched it but he needed Loki gone for today. He had figured that the best way to manipulate the God is not by lying, but by telling the truth and implying. That way Loki had a feeling he was lying, but could never be sure.

‘That is going to take all day…’ Loki grumbly replied when Steve was done talking.

‘I know, but it is important to know. Plus, maybe it would take your mind off things with (Y/N)’ he said.

That cleared Loki’s head and Steve knew he had to be careful know and do it exactly as rehearsed.

‘What do you mean?’ Loki growled at him.

‘Oh sorry, I thought she had told you’ he replied. Not a lie, he actually expected her to tell Loki about their dinner tonight.

‘We spoke this morning and I told her that I didn’t want to come between the two of you. But I invited her to dinner tonight. She probably didn’t tell you because she doesn’t want to worry you. I mean, it probably means nothing, but you know about our history’ he said. It was word for word the truth, maybe in the wrong order. But it implied a whole different story than what happened this morning.

Steve was startled when Loki grabbed him by his throat and pinned him to the wall behind him. For a moment he forgot that Loki, even tough he was good now, was still a very dangerous person if he was angered. Loki started to rant about all the ways he would kill him if he ever lay his eyes on her.

‘You know she would never forgive you if you killed me’ Steve reacted to Loki’s rant.

With a growl Loki let go of Steve’s throat. ‘Look, if you want you can confront her. Just come by tonight’ Steve said.

Loki narrowed his eyes at him. Probably trying to figure out what game Steve is playing. This was not something Loki saw coming.

‘FINE’ he growled. ‘I see the two of you at six’ he angrily added.

‘Actually, it would be better if you were here at seven’ Steve replied. Carefully picking his words, trying not to reveal the fact that she would be here at six.

At dinner Steve had cooked and she arrived right on time. He had only an hour before Loki would be back and storm inside. He needed to execute his plan right before he could, otherwise she would find out about his manipulation. He was smart enough to have a camera in the hallway which he monitored from his mobile phone. Giving him a head start when Loki would arrive. Currently he was focusing on her telling stories. The two of them were laughing and drinking. After about half an hour he was reminiscing about the past, dropping subtle hints about their last date.

He was still slapping himself mentally for not giving her a chance then. When he finally saw how amazing she was, she just started to date Loki. The thought angered Steve, but after tonight he would have time to win her over. And he was not going to let her go, it would be the best for everyone involved. Even though his methods were questionable, it was the right thing to do.

Every time her wine glass was empty he filled it back up again. He needed her reaction time to slow down and needer her off guard. Five minutes before seven he saw Loki angrily walking through the lobby. So, Steve said his plan in motion.

‘(Y/N) if you don’t mind I need your help some more’ he started. He scooched closer against her and grabbed her hand. He looked into her eyes and met her half-drunk gaze. The door swung open, he grabbed the back of her head and kissed her. With one eye open he saw the hurt expression on Loki’s face. For a split-second Loki froze, before storming away. (Y/N) pushed herself away from Steve.

‘What the hell?’ she yelled.

‘I’m sorry. It’s just I really wanted to kiss her and my last kiss was you. So, I wanted to know, you know what to do’ Steve quickly explained.

He saw her angry expression, he needed to distract her. He needed her heartbroken so he could be there for her. ‘I think Loki just saw us’ he said.

He watched her expression change from anger to shock. She quickly stood up and ran towards Loki’s bedroom. Steve slowly walked after her. He heard her call Loki’s name, it sounded like she was crying. It broke his heart, but it needed to be done. She needed to be free of him. He walked into the bedroom to saw her pace around frantically with a note in her hand. She was still crying. He took the note from her.

I can’t believe I ever trusted you

Steve had to supress an eye-roll. Loki was always too dramatic for his taste. Both of their head turned towards the yard when they heard a familiar sound. She ran past Steve to the yard and he followed her again. When he caught up with her she was sitting on her knees in the middle of the burned grass. Steve immediately recognized the pattern. Loki had taken the Bifrost and was gone, just like Steve expected that he would. He slowly walked beside her and sat down on his knees too.

‘I’m so sorry (Y/N). I never meant for this to happen! As soon as I can, I will talk to Thor and tell him about what happened’ Steve started to comfort her. He pulled her closer against his chest, she was still sobbing. She was so wrapped up in her pain that she couldn’t see what was really going on. Steve meant what he said. As soon as Thor would be back he would explain himself, knowing that Thor was probably livid with Steve after hearing Loki’s version of events. But Thor wouldn’t be in Asgard for another three months, so he would be back here in about four months. Which gave Steve four months to make (Y/N) forget about Loki and to start dating her. He would make Loki the bad guy in the story, after she believes him Thor would too. Then Loki would just look like the jealous ex-boyfriend. Making Loki the bad guy isn’t that hard, he is the God of Lies after all he thought while comforting (Y/N). They sat like that for a while. And Steve couldn’t help but feel relieved that Loki was far away, while she was in his arms.

Permanent tag list: @delightfulheartdream @the-best-phineas @theaudacitytowrite @pescadoavocado @theestorm​

[unmaskedagain]

Remember You Young

I answered this ask because I thought it was adorable. I loved the show they wanted me to do, and I want to see who could guess it before it became obvious. Its a one-shot . 

She was being followed. At first it had been daunting when she realized it, and Marinette had done everything she could to shake them off her trail. Then she realized she was being stalked by kids. Literally kids. None older than ten or eleven at best.

           They had been terrible at hiding, rarely ever whispered, argued constantly, had the most outrageous costumes but somehow managed to keep up with Marinette’s every move... most of the time. They ran around with toy guns and pretend walky talkies.

           It either said the best thing about the kids’ skills, or the worst thing about Marinette’s.

           There was a husky boy who ran around in a blue shirt and goggles. He never took off the old pilot’s hat he wore. He was also… always eating cheese. Or candy. He liked puns that caused his friends to groan constantly.

           There was an Asian little girl who wore an adorable green sweater that was too big for her and the arms of the sweater went well past her hands. She was girly and seemed to be the sweetest of the bunch. Honestly, she was the happiest girl Marinette had ever seen in her entire life. The only time the kid had gotten upset was when she had cried when couldn’t find the stuffed animal she wanted in any of the stores. Marinette had been heartbroken for her. The bluenette didn’t know what a “Rainbow Monkey” was or why it had to be French but she was going to get it for the girl if it was the last thing she did it.

           A bald British boy seemed to be the leader as everyone took direction from him. Marinette had never seen his eyes due to the black glasses he wore. The kid seemed to believe himself to be some sort of superspy. He had a fierce take-charge attitude and barked orders like a pro and preferred to a treehouse their hung out at as headquarters. He didn’t smile often.

           A pretty black girl seemed to be the one with the most sense of the much, and the most style. She wore her hair in a long braid, a blue shirt-dress and an old red cap. The girl had a natural charisma and coolness to her that made Marinette feel awkward in comparison. She seemed to second-in-command .

           The smallest of the bunch was a blond boy with an unfortunate bowl cut and a bright orange hoody. He was loud, brash, and was the “tough guy” of the bunch. He picked a fight with nearly everyone. A fierce little guy that called Marinette a “Ruddy Teenager.”

           However all the kids seemed to dislike adults and teens to some degree. They cast suspicious glances at everyone thirteen and older no matter how nice they were. None of them ever called each other by their names, always opting to follow the rules of whatever game they were playing and called each other by numbers. And always mispronounced the word: number.

           Numbuh 1. Numbuh 2. Numbuh 3. Numbuh 4. Numbuh 5. Marinette hadn’t gotten close enough to figure out who was who but she did suspect the numbers were ranking order or anything. They were probably just random.

           After over two weeks of being stalked, Marinette still hadn’t been able to figure out what they wanted from her. Only that they didn’t know she was Ladybug. It was frustrating.

           She finally got answers one day while walking home from school when she got attacked by an evil cat lady who weaponized her pets, a deranged dentist who put braces on everyone, and a man dressed like toilet. They attempted to kidnap Marinette and raise all out heck on everyone around them. They weren’t Akumas. They were just crazy people.

           The kids fought them back. They saved the day. They saved Marinette. The villains ran with their tails between their legs.

           …Suddenly everything the kids had been doing didn’t seem like a game anymore.

           …Then the kids kidnapped Marinette. The kids jumped her, hogtied her, gagged her, and carried her back to their tree house… which Marinette now realized was way more advanced than any tree house should be. EVER.

           As soon as they got to there, and Marinette was uncharitably tossed on to the couch, the kids panicked.

“We shouldn’tve done this!” Goggles boy chimed. “We weren’t supposed to make contact. Moonbase will decommission us for sure.”

“And let the adults have her, Numbah 2,” The bald boy said. “I think not! We can never let the adults win. Its against everything the Kids Next Door stand for.”

The black girl nodded, “Numbah One’s right, we can’t let Father have what’s in her brain,” She said. “It could destroy the KND!”

“But that’s not possible, Numbah five, we all know that!” The girl in green said. “She got decommissioned. Her brain got all wishy-washy. Right, Numbah Four?”

           The blond boy huffed, “Yeah! Numbah Three’s got a point. And what’s so important about some ruddy teenager anyway? Tell you what! We should drop her artic ocean and never look back.”

           Numbah five groaned, “Are you stupid, boy? They sent Numbuh 274, I mean Chad, after her. And CREE! They wouldn’t have done that if she wasn’t important. The supreme leader wouldn’tve sent us to stop them from getting her! Ya moron.”

           Marinette frowned at that. Chad, the handsome foreign exchange student that came to Marinette’s class a few weeks ago. All the girls in school thought he was so dreamy. Even Marinette, even though she had been perplexed at the sad, almost wistful looks he would shoot her when he thought he wasn’t looking. And at the stories he told about his childhood, and woud look at Marinette like he was waiting for her to jump in and finish them. Almost like he knew her. Or expected her to suddenly remember him.

           The same with Cree, a foreign exchange student in a grade above Marinette’s, but to a lesser extent than Chad. The older girl liked to make sly remarks about what being a teen meant where she came from. She cracked what seemed to be inside jokes at Marinette and looked crestfallen when it was clear the bluenette didn’t understand what she meant. Then Cree would grumble about stupid kids ruining everything.

“But WHHHHYYY?” Numbah Four whined. “We got sent a like bajillion miles away to         a city where they force kids to eat bugs and smelly cheese all to protect a teenager. A TEENAGER! And they don’t even tell us why.”

           Numbah Two frowned, “It is kind of strange. I mean we hate teenagers! They’re the worse. Why save this one?” He looked at Marinette like she was specimen in a jar.

“Because team,” Numbah One announced loudly, pausing for, what Marinette knew was, dramatic effect.  “She is Numbah Seventy-Two.”

           Gasps rang through the room. The kids reared back as if struck. Their eyes went wide and they started at Marinette in awe.

“…Or at least she used to be,” Numbah One added.

“Woah,” Numbah Four said, looking at Marinette with newfound respect.

           Numbah Two sqeauled, “This is the best day ever. You have to sign my Yipper card.” He told Marinette. “It’s an ultra-rare collectable. Only three still exists. The rest were destroyed.”

“But, but, but how?” Numbah Five asked, removing her hat. “All records of Numbah Seventy-Two was struck from the history of the KND. Only the supreme leader and her team ever knew what happened to her.”

“They pinky-swore not to tell anyone what happened!” Numbah Three added. “No one would ever break a pinky promise.”

“That’s true,” Numbah five nodded. “No kid ever would. Expecially not her team. She saved us. She saved the KND. She saved the world and made it better for kids everywhere.”

           Numbah One nodded. “Exactly. No kid would ever break the solemn oath. But do you remember just who was one her team?”

           Looks of realization appeared on the kids’ faces, and then anger.

“Numbah Two Hundred and Seventy-Four,” Numbah Five said bitterly. “He was Number Seventy-Two’s second in command for years. And He betrayed her. Why am I not surprised?”

“But why?” Numbah Two asked. “I mean if she was still Numbah Seventy-Two I’d understand. She stopped Principle Boutface from ending summer vacation forever. She stopped Father from making Halloween adults only forever and ever. Name a bad guy, and I can guarantee she kicked their butts! And most importantly she even beat…” Numbah Two paused, clearly afraid. “well you know. She’s done loads of cool things. But She can’t remember anything. So why? Why come get her now?”

“She beat who?” Numbah Four asked. “I don’t know. Who’d she else did she beat? Why were they so important?”

           Numbah One and Five looked away. Both remembered but neither wanted to say anything.

“We were still just little babies when it happened,” Numbah Three answered seriously. “Still finishing training. We never really knew what was going on. Too little for anyone to tell us. We just knew it was bad. Kids were always scared, always hurting…”

“It was a dark time,” Numbah One agreed. “Before Father took over, there was another in charge of the evil adults in the world. But he worse than Father could’ve ever dreamed of being. Kids were scared to go to sleep. They were afraid of their closets and what was under their beds. OF every shadow. No kid would be caught out after dark. They were too scared. Nowhere was safe. No one was safe. Not from him. Not from…”

“The Boogieguy,” Numbah Five finished. “The most powerful leader the adults ever had. The strongest, most evil villain you can imagine. But Numbah Seventy-Two refused to back down. She was the only who could stand up to him. The only one to ever beat him.”

           Numbah Two nodded, “Legend says the Boogieguy had a nasty plan to open a portal to unleash meanest, nastiest monsters another world to get kids to behave better. But Numbah Seventy-Two heard and went to beat him once and for all. And she did too. She trapped him in his own trap. He’s been there ever since!”

Numbah Three added, “Numbah Seventy-Two finally defeated the Boogieguy, she locked him away in a place so scary, so terrifying not even the adults would be willing to go near it. Which it means it has to be really, really, REALLY, scary. Only she knew how to get him out. She used a super-secret password that only she knew. And then, and then she, she!” Numbah Three burst into tears.

Numbah One placed a hand on her shoulder to calm her down, “To stop the Boogieguy for good, and to make sure no kid ever had to suffer his wrath again, she decommissioned herself. She was only eleven.”

“It was a hard sacrifice, but one kids everywhere will never forget,” Numbah One vowed. “And the Global KND didn’t let it be in vain. We fought back harder than ever before. Her team-”

“But, but,” Numbah Four look around, “She wasn’t even a teenager, why’d she go and do a stupid thing like that for?”

“To save us,” Numbah Five answered, and put her hat back on. She looked at Marinette with hard eyes. “To save the KND, and protect kids everywhere. Because of her, the KND finally turned the tables on adults. We weren’t scared of the dark anymore.”

“Was never the same!” Numbah Five snapped at him. “None of them were ever the same after fighting Boogieguy, after what happened to Numbah Seventy-Two. They couldn’t handle being around each other anymore. They are transferred to different teams. Their entire sector was retired. Number Three Hundred and Sixty-Two. Numbuh Sixty. My sister- Cree! Numbah Two Hundred and Seventy-Four, UGH! Look what they became. Ya don’t need to be decommissioned to not recognize them anymore.”

           It went quiet. The kids not knowing what to say. Marinette had never been so confused in her life. Had she been some sort of Spy kid? Had her memories been erased? What was going on?

           And if everything, the kids were saying was real, and Marinette decided that it was, then she was a little peeved at Chad and Cree, her old teammates apparently, for going against everything this KND had accomplished… That Marinette had apparently sacrificed herself for. And what for? To side with some evil adults?

“…The KND have figured out a way to destroy Boogieguy forever,” Numbah one said. “Unfortunately the adults have also become aware of the Boogieguy’s location and want release him. In order for either side to succeed in their mission, we need Numbah Seventy-Two.”

           All eyes turned back to Marinette.

Numbah Five cast a sad look at Numbah Seventy-Two, Marinette, “Chad and Cree will come for her.” Of that Numbah five was certain. The lone picture of ABC that sat next to Cree’s bedside nightstand was proof enough of that. It was the only thing her big sister ever kept of her KND days, apart from her memories. The only “little kid” thing she didn’t scorn. “They won’t stop until they get her. I don’t think Cree or Chad ever forgave the KND agreeing that Numbah Seventy-Two should erase her memories.”

           They never forgave themselves for letting her, Abby didn’t add.

“She was decommissioned, hello!” Numbah Two reminded them. “She can’t remember anything.”

           Number One took off his glasses and looked at the teenager who, in another life, had been everything he ever dreamed of being in the KND. She was a legend. A hero. She had, once, been the best of them all. “She will.”

[youryanderedaddy]

1/2(to not give away everything, is it possible to only show part of this?)Darling, who was originally happy and in a relationship with hero, kidnapped by yandere villain. they think about and miss hero, but slow burn Stockholm syndrome, darling eventually hating their 'ex'. meanwhile hero has been missing them for months, desperately working to find them, always worried for them, their feelings havent changed.

                  The villain series I

Tw: kidnapping, obsessive behavior, mention of threats, slight violence (at the end)

Part 2

 It had been weeks, or perhaps even months - you couldn't be sure. You were trapped in a small dark room, always too warm for your liking. The chains never left your bruised wrists and you didn't sleep much - maybe that's why you were so confused all the time.

 When you first opened your eyes at the new, unfamiliar place, the pair of bright red eyes was the only greeting you got. You knew the man and the realisation sank through your bones until it felt hard to move or even breath. He was a wanted criminal, a villain. And even worse - he was your lover's biggest enemy, a man he had despised from the very beginning. You always wondered whether this was just another game of his where you served as both a target and a prize.

 “If you are doing this in order to mess with Cedric, you need a better plan.” You had told your captor during on of the early days, when he stayed quiet most of the time, simply staring at you for hours on end. It was so confusing you almost wished he would threaten you instead to break the painful vibrant silence. “He would never come to save me anyways.” You lied through gritted teeth while trying to sound heartbroken, yet convincing. If you weren’t psychically and emotionally drained, you might have even weeped a few tears for a dramatic effect. But deep down you knew that the hero would never abandon you as he was the sweetest, kindest person in your life, who you could picture spending a lifetime with. There wasn’t a source of information in the underground basement but one quick glance across the newspaper on the table was enough to assure you that Cedric was constantly looking for you. Of course he was - you were a happy couple, highschool sweethearts at that, always together, always in love. Or you used to be, before a certain homicidal maniac decided to snatch you away from your perfect little life.

"Darling." The villain had spoken up for the first time in a while. His voice was smooth like honey, yet there was something dark and heavy underneath it all. "I didn't take you away as a revenge." The man smiled coldly, the red in his eyes lively as blood itself. He moved closer to you, inches from your restrained shivering body. "I can crush your dearest boyfriend any time. I don't need you for that." He continued spilling poison, slowly reaching to touch your cheek, wiping a stubborn tear falling down, ruining your stoic facade. "I just want you to love me." Gambit added after the dramatic pause, cupping your face with his big strong hands. You squirmed in shock, trying to distance yourself, but the rope only bit deeper into your skin, burning it. The villain was looking in your eyes in attempt to figure out your thoughts but to no avail. If he could read your mind, you might not have survived any longer as you were already planing how to kill him in the most painful torturous way possible.

"You are crazy." You spat at the criminal, staring at him with all the hatred you were capable to convey. "Why me?" You asked seriously, gritting your teeth in anger. The man couldn't simply kidnap you just to confess his love, right? Something didn't add up.

"You saved me." He whispered so quietly you almost thought you had imagined it. Gambit was stroking your hair softly now and running his fingers through the feverish skin of your neck as if he wasn't the person who had tried to destroy your city countless times. As if he deserved to hold you in his sinful bloody arms. "Back when I was just a boy I got involved with a local gang. I stole some money from them but my partner never showed up with the car so I was basically screwed." The man laughed bitterly at the memory, grinning with malice. "They beat me to a pulp and left me to die like a dog - right there on the fucking street. At that time I really thought that was the end." He smiled warmly at you. "Until an angel showed up. She was shining so brightly, ready to lead me to my demise. So imagine my surprise when she cleaned up my wounds and nurtured me back to life like a real saint. "

It was a distant, vivid memory to you. A scene from your past that you were trying to forget. You had been so scared back then, wanting nothing more than to escape right from the spot when the fight had started. But the more human part of you wouldn't let you take another step without checking on the helpless person laying on the street on the verge of death. The picture filled you with so much pity it still haunted you to this day. But you'd never guess that the weak defeated boy you had helped that day would turn out to be one of the greatest threat to your peaceful society later on.

"It doesn't matter." You cut the criminal off before he could finish the story. There was no point in letting him ramble happily when you were still tied up and away from everyone you cared about. "I would have saved anyone in such a position." You cleared your throat, summoning the coldest, cruelest voice you possessed. "I can't return your feelings, Gambit. Not only because I love Cedric, but because I genuinely despise you and all your evil deeds." You finished the sentence, smirking victoriously at the sour expression of the villain. You might suffer for your insolence but you will be damned if it wasn't worth it just to see him heartbroken for once.

"I understand, darling." The man replied, too calm and collected for your liking. His pupils had dilated, now looking more like two warning signs rather than the eyes of a human being. "Society has brainwashed you into painting me as the bad guy. It's not your fault." He cooed at you, kissing your red cheeks, wet and salty with tears you wish you hadn't spilled. Not that you had a choice when the panic and sadness were so overwhelming and heavy. In the next moment Gambit wrapped his hand around your throat, giving a small squeeze. "I just need to break you. You can see things my way only through pain." He pressed harder on the sensitive skin and you knew that it would form an ugly scarlet bruise in no time. "And I am more than happy to provide it, darling."

[colorfulbard]

Chapter 2

Summary: It would’ve been a regular day had it not been for all those silly rumors. 

Pairing: Keigo Takami x Fem!Reader 

Genre: High School AU

Words: 1.4K

A/N: Wow, this part took longer than expected... Sorry about that. But, look, it’s got a cute header now! I’ll try my best to get back into writing about this wonderful boy. Also, (don’t know if they’ll see this), big thank you to the people who commented on chapter one! I appreciate every comment I get even if I can’t respond cause this isn’t my main account and I don’t wanna confuse people. One last quick note, if you can’t already tell by the header, this story is gonna take a slightly cliche shounen anime turn. But who cares? Cliche’s can be fun.

Chapter 1

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You stretched your hands over your head with a groan. The day had finally come to an end for most of the students, meanwhile, the student council stayed behind for a meeting. Fortunately, it ended fairly quickly which meant you were free to go home and rest.

Once Fuyumi had called the meeting to a close you got up and bid her goodbye. Today was less hectic than yesterday, but it wasn't without its disruptions. Word of your lucky catch spread around like wildfire causing every student within a few feet of you to gape and whisper when you walked by.

According to some of them, you had caught the ball and threw it back to the team without breaking a sweat. Obviously, it wasn't true, but you weren't going to waste your time denouncing every rumor that was bound to blow over in a day.

There was one that was true that was very seldom spread, however. Your hand had been hurting like hell all day. Unsurprising that everyone refused to repeat that one once they heard it. You surmised it was because it was lame or something like that. You rolled your eyes at the thought and walked out of the student council room.

Before you could even take another step forward, a hand wrapped itself around your wrist. Your immediate thought was that it was Rumi considering she usually meets you here after school. That was most definitely not the case when you turned to face whoever it was.

Your eyes widened at the sight to see the school's star player, Takami Keigo. Your brows furrowed and you tugged your wrist back. "Did you need something Takami?" You asked, raising a brow.

He flushed for a moment after noticing his forwardness and sheepishly rubbed the back of his neck. "I was hoping I could talk to you for a moment," he responded.

Your brows furrowed and you tilted your head in confusion. You couldn't help but wonder what exactly it was he wanted considering he had never interacted with you before. Save for all those times you had to scold his friend, Touya. Then, it hit you almost like that baseball from yesterday.

"Don't tell me..." You started with a chuckle, "you want to talk to me about how I caught that baseball in my mouth like a dog?" You hoped he would catch onto the joke. However, you wouldn't be surprised if that was an actual rumor going around.

Keigo's eyes widened, but then quickly closed because of the laughter that escaped him. "Wait, you heard that one too?" He asked in between fits of laughter.

Your eyes widened just as his did, "is that one that's actually around?" You shouldn't even be fully surprised, but just how gullible were the people in this school?

You sighed when he nodded. "Honestly I wish everyone would put the same amount of effort into their school work as they do these rumors," you said with a shake of your head. Not that the reputation here was terrible, but you could only imagine the improvement if students were more productive in other areas.

When his laughter finally ceased Keigo spoke, "I just wanted to compliment on that amazing catch yesterday." He stuffed his hands in his pockets after a sudden wave of nerves attacked him. Your aura was just short of oddly intimidating, rightly so considering you were the vice president of the student council.

You snapped your fingers and smirked. "Ah, I almost forget you were the reason my hand is so sore," you teased while waving your hand as if to relieve the pain.

Keigo's eyes widened as his cheeks began to turn red. He began to apologize profusely. "I-I'm... so sorry about that," he stumbled over his words, "I guess I was distracted at that time." He rubbed the back of his head sheepishly.

You chuckled and gave him an easy-going smile. "Don't worry about it, I was only teasing." You winked and playfully nudged his shoulder.

Keigo was almost taken aback by the sudden shift in your attitude. From what he heard and on occasion saw, you could be pretty uptight. Then again, the only time he ever caught glimpses of you was when Dabi was caught breaking the rules. He smiled at this different side of you.

Unfortunately, all good things must come to an end. It seemed like your job on the council was never-ending even after school because a member ran out of the room to call you back in. It looked like an emergency considering the meeting was supposedly over.

You sighed and waved him goodbye. "The work of a VP is never over it seems," you remarked, "I'll see you around, Takami." With that said, you quickly left him.

Keigo was now alone in the hallway, but not for long. He let out a startled cry at the feeling of someone wrapping an arm around his shoulders. He frowned and was about to tell whoever it was to screw off until he noticed it was Rumi. He sighed, "geez, you scared me," he said, unwrapping her arm.

Rumi laughed and crossed her arms. "Consider it karma for hurting Y/N yesterday," she said darkly while jabbing an elbow into his side.

Keigo squirmed and batted her arm away. "Ow! Hey, come on! I said I was sorry," he reasoned, "what more do you want?" He rolled his eyes at his friend's antics. She had been like this all day, finding random moments to torture him. He had apologized at the end of the game yesterday, but, of course, that wasn't enough to satiate Rumi's blood lust.

Rumi scoffed and rolled her eyes, "well, don't pout like that-"

"I'm not pouting," interjected Keigo with an obvious pout.

"-you're making it seem like you apologized out of obligation." She began walking down the hall, not even bothering to wait for Keigo, with the intention of walking home.

Keigo caught up to her side and laid a hand on his chest. "As if I would ever do such a thing," he said with a dramatic sigh. "I am heartbroken you would ever think that of your most noble best friend." He leaned against her side and pretended to faint.

"Okay, okay! Get off!" Rumi squirmed and shoved him away with a chuckle, "I forgot how stupid you were sometimes."

"And you're not me best friend," she added, "Y/N is."

Keigo gasped with a hand to his forehead. "Can I not also be considered your best friend?" He asked, "I mean, come on, we've known each other for years." The two had met way back in their first year of middle school.

Rumi rolled her eyes again, "don't worry about me, you have Dabi."

Keigo had met him at the start of high school. He had gotten him out of trouble with some teachers and the two were inseparable ever since. He shrugged. "True, but I like having more than one best friend, "he responded, "unlike some people." It was his turn to nudge her.

Rumi swatted his hand away. "Whatever you have your opinions and I have mine," she said snidely while walking faster than him with her head held high.

"Oh, come on! That's a little unfair, don't you think!" He spread his wings to hover and catch up to her.

"Life's unfair bird brain!"

"Rude!"

~

Unnoticed by you two earlier, a group of three had been watching you and Keigo from around the corner. Their grip on the wall had tightened with the way you two talked so casually. They scoffed to themselves at the way you teased him. Clearly, the Vice president was unfamiliar with the way things worked when it came to Keigo.

As they continued to watch you work from the outside of the council room, they couldn't help but narrow their eyes. Call it cliche, but what exactly did he see in you? He had never acknowledged you before.

"So what if she caught some stupid baseball?" One of them said, crossing their arms.

"I know right?" Another agreed, "I can do that. Easy!"

The two would've continued on with their banter had another not spoken up. "Alright, that's enough." With a snap of a finger, the light banter had quickly ceased. The one that had snapped her fingers, the leader, continued to stare as you helped another council member with some papers.

After a few tense moments of silence, the two at her side spoke, "what do you want to do?" They asked in unison.

She smirked and crossed her arms, "don't worry, I have a plan."

~

Taglist: @iloveitblackbhna​

[moondustis]

perfect crime (m)

pairing: jung jaehyun + reader / seo johnny + reader genre: smut, angst word count: 6,8k summary:  There’s two rules when you start a no-strings kind of relationship: 1. Don’t fall in love and 2. Don’t make it into something bigger than it is. And well, let’s just say you were not the best at following rules. song recs: perfect crime - tinashe / triggered - jhené aiko / break my heart - dua lipa 

Here’s the thing, you and Jung Jaehyun are not dating.

It’s actually far from that. The two of you just happened to hook up one night, then that became another night and now his number on your phone is what you call when you need a little body heat sometimes. So there, you both are just friends with benefits, if you will. Maybe not even friends, acquaintances with benefits would be a better way to describe it.

And here’s another thing. Maybe, just maybe. Like really, hypothetically speaking, you are falling in love with Jaehyun. Which is the number one rule not to break when you get involved in things like that, but it seems like your brain doesn’t work very well when Jaehyun is fucking you and it just mistakes his caring way of eating you out with something else.

But it’s fine, you’re a big girl, who knows how to deal and conceal your big girl feelings. It’s not like you’re going to do something drastic like confess to him or dye your hair pink at 3AM while listening to Beyonce sing about her cheating husband and feel like you too have been cheated.

It’s fine.

☾

“Your hair looks good like this.” Jaehyun whispers on your ear, sending shivers all over your body. “Pink suits you.”

Weird thing to say when he’s balls deep inside of you, but your heart and pussy seem to enjoy it because it makes you clench around him. “Oh.” You dumbly say, fingers gripping the sheets on his bed as he gives you a nice thrust. “T-Thanks.”

He’s good at this, like really good. And it helps that he has the biggest cock you had ever seen. He moves his hips faster, and the sounds of skin slapping makes your head spin. “Fuck. You feel so good, baby. Taking me so well.” His voice is raspy as he nuzzles at your jaw, pressing open mouthed kisses all over it.

“Yes — Yes. Please” You pant as his hands move down your sides, one just lingering on your chest. “Feel so full.”

He likes when you say shit like that because he knows how big he is. Has asked you to say it many times before. “Yeah?” One hand moves down, pressing at your navel and he gives you an insane look. “Feel me here? On your tummy?”

You nod, feeling so close to your high and it just gets better when he presses his thumb to your clit, circling fast on it. He seems close too, by the way his thrusts are getting erratic.

“Fuck, fuck. I’m gonna cum.” He moans and you raise your hips, chasing your own release. You’re so close, so close. Almost there. “Fuck, Yerim.”

It’s like a bucket of cold water has been dropped on you. You watch as Jaehyun comes inside the condom, his eyes shutting closing and lips parting. You just stand there, frozen and feeling extremely small.

“What the fuck.” You whisper, slowly getting out of the shock of what just happened. “What the FUCK?”

“What?” He asks just as he pulls out of you, pulling his underwear up like he has no clue that he just said someone else’s name while fucking you.

You get up, now angry with the blood in your system just starting to boil. “Are you fucking kidding me?” You search for your underwear on the floor, pulling it up, followed by your pants. “Who the fuck is Yerim?”

“What the fuck are you - Oh.” He finally realizes what he’s done, giving you a pathetic look that makes you livid. “Shit. I’m sorr-“

“Yeah, shit.” You roll your eyes. Is he dumb? Does he really think this is something a simple sorry can fix? You put on your shirt and move to grab your purse and keys. “This — Whatever this is — It’s over now.

He finally takes action, getting up from the bed and trying to touch you but you walk away. “Wait —“

“You’re an asshole, you know that? I don’t care that you are fucking other people.” Yes, you do. “But saying their name while you’re fucking me is a bit too much.”

He looks like a fish out of water, mouth opening and closing as he looks for the right words to say.

“Don’t fucking call me again.” Is the last thing you say before you are slamming the door shut.

Maybe this time you’ll just shave off your head completely.

☾

You don’t actually end up shaving your head. In fact, you get over the whole thing pretty fast. And Jaehyun, being such a nice guy, helps by not calling you even once just as you asked him to. Probably because he was too busy fucking Yerim, or whatever her name was.

Ok, maybe you weren’t that over it yet, but you were getting there.

“Aaaaargh.” You grunt out of nowhere, throwing yourself in the couch both your roommates are lounging around. Anne, a girl you had met on your first year of college and instantly clicked with, looks at you like you are crazy.

“Can you stop doing that? It’s the third time today you just make an weird noise out of nowhere.” She points out and Jisoo, the other roommate and biggest scorpio you had ever met, hums in agreement.

Your whine is childish and you would feel bad for bothering your friends, but right now what you need is for them to feel bad for you. “Please have some respect for my suffering. Your fake sniffles does nothing to them. “I just really need someone to dick me down, okay? Or else I’ll go crazy.”

“Dickpression.” Jisoo says and you almost laugh. She was right. “You need to stop being dramatic, for starters.”

“Why don’t you just call Jaehyun or whatever his name was?” Anne says and you gasp at the same time Jisoo lets out a hiss. Anne wasn't present when you had went on a little spiral about how he was the worst guy in the planet and how you never wanted anything to do with him ever again.

“Oh my god, Anne! Are you dumb?” A great friend, Jisoo was. “He cheated on her, let’s not say his name in our sacred space ever again.”

“He didn’t cheat on me.” It sure felt like it to you but you knew it was far from the reality. You weren’t dating or anything, he just happened to make a mistake that broke your heart. Things like this happened.

“Girl, he said someone else’s name while fucking you.” Jisoo says. “That’s cheating to me.”

You just shrug, not really wanting to have this conversation anymore. Just after the whole thing had happened, you had took some time to do some internal thinking and realized that your feelings for Jaehyun were stupid and you should just move on already. Easier said than done, of course. But so far you hadn’t cried once and you sure didn’t want to because your friends were validating your feelings.

“Well, whatever. That’s the past now.” That earns you a little ‘yes, girl’ from your friends. “We need to focus on my present situation and how I’m going to go crazy if I don’t get some action.”

You really were being dramatic. It had only been what, two weeks or so, and you and your roommates knew well enough that you had gone longer than that without it. You were not horny but you were bored, and that was dangerous enough by itself. But you were also heartbroken and a little thirsty for revenge, so that was just key for making bad decisions.

Anne bites on her nail, forehead a little creased as if she's in deep thought. That probably won't go well. “I think that what you really need is not dick. What you need is to go out with your friends and have some fun. ” She starts and you raise one eyebrow at her. “Get a little crazy, ya know? Put on a slutty dress and maybe flash your ass a bit in a sketchy club with your girlfriends.” 

She says the whole thing in a weird voice, making you laugh. “What’s this, some sort of intervention?” 

Jisoo laughs too, throwing a pillow at Anne. “Please don't start going on about how friends are more important than sex.” 

“First of all, they are. Gals before balls, or whatever.” She laughs at her own jokes. “But, for real. We could really go out. And if you still want some action I can hook you up with someone.”

Now that could go very wrong. Your past experiences with any of Anne’s friends had been awful, for starters. She just had some weird dudes on her friend circle and you weren't trying to get with a weird guy with a foot fetish again. “Like who?” You ask, skeptically. 

Jisoo watches the whole conversation, amusement on her face like she’s watching a soap opera. “I don't know, man.” Anne throws her hands around. “Johnny is a nice guy, mayb-”

“Oh my god, no fucking way.” You exclaim just as Jisoo jumps in excitement and yells her agreement. 

“That would be so good.” She says and you get a pillow to muffle your screams. 

“Why? What am I missing?” Anne asks.

“Johnny is literally Jae -- He’s the cheater’s best friend. That’s such a good idea.” That makes Anne clap excitedly like a child and you sigh loudly. 

“Is it? Is it really a good idea? Like, I’m sure I would be a really bad person if I used that poor guy like that.” You really would. Things were not messy right now but they sure would be if you started involving people that had nothing to do with it into the situation. On the other hand, you really would like to make Jaehyun at least a little bit upset.

You eye Anne as she grabs her phone and starts typing at ii suspiciously. “It wouldn’t, babe. You’ll just go to a party with a nice guy, have some fun and maybe make out with him a bit.” Jisoo says, moving closer to you to rub your arm affectionately. If you hadn't mentioned before, she was a really good friend. “Besides, you don’t have to do anything with him if you don’t absolutely want to. And if you do, then it will be for yourself not because you want to make some guy jealous.” 

She made a point. “And I just texted Johnny and he said he’s down for it, so there’s no going back now.” Anne deadpans and you let out a mini scream. 

“What the fuck, are you crazy? What did you say to him?” Snatching the phone out of her hand, you read the conversation she just had with him.

Anne: 

hey johnny

what’s up?

Johnny (from Chemistry 101):

heyyy 

nothing much wbu?

this text was a lil unexpected lmao

Anne: 

i know lol sorry

i just wanted to talk to you abt something

theres this friend of mine, ___. 

shes really down lately and i just want her to have some fun, u know?

You playfully punch her in the arm. “You asshole, I’m not down. You made me sound sad and desperate.”

“You were literally screaming about dick not ten minutes ago.”

You scoff. “Whatever.”

Anne: 

so i was wondering if you would like to meet her and take her out this weekend

i heard lee taeyong is throwing a party

Johnny (from Chemistry 101): 

okay...

that really came out of nowhere lol

Anne: 

lol ik 

but i promise you shes really cool

heres a picture for reference ;)

*attached picture*

Your friend was really selling you out like that. And that wasn't even a good picture. 

Johnny (from Chemistry 101): 

oooh damn

lmao

ok, give me her number :) 

“That was awful.” You hand her the phone back, throwing yourself back onto the couch with a deep whine. How would you even face this poor dude, you had no clue. Maybe you were a little fucked. 

“Stop being ungrateful, I just got you a hot date.” Anne says getting up and high fiving Jisoo. “Now who wants to order some pizza rolls?” 

What can you do but raise your hand in defeat. 

☾

When friday comes all you want to do is hide yourself inside your room and never come out again. 

Johnny had texted you that same day and, for your complete agony, he was really nice. Like, really nice. The type of people that within a week of texting already made you comfortable enough to share an inside joke with. And that would be great, amazing, fantastic, because you had a date with this man that was funny, nice and looked extremely hot. And was probably packing, but that’s beside the point. That would all be great if you didn’t feel like complete shit for using him. 

And yes, ok, you weren't exactly using him. Maybe just a little. But it still made you feel bad. 

But you were a big girl, you could do this even if you had to listen to your girl power playlist while you put on your ‘slutty dress’ and applied gemstones to the end of your liner, like you were about to star in Euphoria or some shit. And your friends hype you up, giving you that extra confidence you were lacking so that when you walk out the house you feel like you truly are the hot girl Megan Thee Stallion was talking about. 

Well, that lasts for about 20 minutes, which was the duration of the drive to Taeyong’s house. You go literally weak in the knees when you see Johnny standing outside the house where you both agreed to meet up. 

“I can’t do this.” You say because he looks so good, even looking down at his phone to entertain himself while you didn't arrive. And he was so tall, like probably a good head taller than you and if that wasn't the hottest thing you didn't know what it was.  

“Yes, you can.” Anne says, patting your butt and giving you a sweet smile. “Now go get him and make that bitch pay.” 

So you go, legs shaking a bit when Johnny gives you a big smile as he spots you. How long would it take for you to fuck this up, you wonder.

He hugs you like you were long time friends when you come close enough and you almost sigh from how good he smells. “You look good.” He compliments and you almost melt, head going a bit blank when you feel his hand on your waist. 

“Oh, thank you.” The laugh you let out could only be described as awkward but he doesn't seem to notice. “You don’t look so bad yourself.” That was good. Smooth, carefree even. You let him lead you inside the party, hand still in your lower back as he basically towers over you. 

You feel overwhelmed the moment you step inside the house. There’s not many people, but enough to make it feel like the place is almost too crowded and the song playing is so loud that you cringe. You run your eyes through the room and when you spot the kitchen you drag Johnny by the hand, wanting to get there as fast as possible. You don't notice you haven't even thought about Jaehyun for that short amount of time. 

“Let’s get drunk!” You exclaim when you both enter the kitchen and that makes Johnny laugh.

“Alright.” You feel his eyes on the back of your head as you pour the two of you not one, not two, but three shots of tequila each. “Not wasting any time are you?”

“Nope.” You emphasize the ‘p’, dipping your hand in the salt bowl and licking it before you offer the bowl for him and he does the same. His eyes don't leave yours as he licks the white substance and that makes you nervous for some reason. You shake the thoughts by grabbing your shot and raising one eyebrow at him. “Ready?” 

“Let’s do this.” Is his answer and then you are both downing the first shot, grimacing before moving to the next and by the third one you are already laughing, barely being able to bite onto the lemon Johnny holds out for you. 

You look directly at him, mischief in your eyes, when you finally bite the lemon, sucking of it before the sour taste fills your mouth. He laughs when you let go and your face contorts. “Stop laughing at me.” You playfully laugh, poking  your tongue out at him. 

“I’m sorry, I just thought you would handle it better.” He teases. “Suggested doing three shots right away, after all. 

“I just wanted us to let loose, that’s all.” You justify and he hums in agreement. “Want tonight to be really fun.” 

“It will be.” Then he’s holding your hand and pulling you out the kitchen.

It turns out to really be fun. You get drunk pretty fast after the tequila shots and Johnny is so funny that you laugh at almost everything he says. He talks about what he’s studying, about how he detests chemistry and how he almost lost his hair when he tried to bleach it. And he doesn’t mind when you interrupt him when a song you love starts playing and you have to dance to it. 

You let yourself go when you two start dancing, his hands on your waist as you do whatever your drunk body wants to. It’s nice, not thinking about anything but the song that is playing and you enjoy it, swaying your hips and even singing some of the lyrics. It’s really fun, until your eyes focus on something you really didn’t want to see. 

Jung Jaehyun, standing on a wall with some friends that you don’t know around him. He’s wearing a black t-shirt and you can see the silver of his necklace from how low the neckline is. He has a drink on his hand and his friend seems to be excitedly talking about something, but he’s paying him no mind because his eyes are on you. His eyes are on you and your head suddenly starts spinning. 

How long had he been there for? Did he see you basically grinding against Johnny, who happened to be his best friend? Was he jealous? Was he angry? If he did and if he was, that meant your plan worked. You gotten your sweet revenge. But why didn’t you feel happy?

“You okay?” Johnny’s voice snaps you out of your little trance and just then you realize you had stopped dancing. 

You nod your head maybe too fast. “Yeah, sure. I’m peachy.” He gives you a puzzled look, hand brushing a strand of your hair that had fallen into your eyes. You hate how sweet the gesture was. “What about you?”

He smiles at that. It’s easy to make him do that, you realize. “I’m good. Want to drink something?” 

“No, it’s fine.” You reply, speaking your next words without really thinking. “I actually gotta find my friend, Jisoo. To make sure she’s okay and all.” 

Johnny’s probably too understanding for his own good. He lets you go that easily, saying he too will go find his friends and that the two of you can meet later on. It’s so easy it’s pathetic. 

You move from the dancing and drunk bodies until you’re standing in an empty corridor and you let your back hit the wall as you try your hardest not to sink to the floor in frustration. You were dumb, that’s what you really were because you knew exactly what would happen now. 

He finds you easily, probably had been watching you from the moment you walked away. “Fancy seeing you here.” His voice is low as he approaches you, eyes searching for yours and you want to slap his face when they meet.

You snort. “Is it really?”

He just shrugs, offering you his cup and you eye it suspiciously. “Want some?” He asks and you shake your head. 

“What is it?” What you really want to ask is why he’s being so nice and why is he acting like everything is fine between the two of you.

 “Orange juice.” Is the clever reply he gives you and you would laugh in other circumstances, you really would. Because you liked boosting his ego, liked seeing his smile when someone appreciates his jokes.

“You’re not funny.” Is what you decide to say.

He raises his eyebrows, probably not expecting that reaction. “Damn, okay.” He looks uncomfortable, uncertain and that is a high contrast to the bubble of confidence he usually appears to be. The first time he met you, he talked to you like he knew you would fuck him by the end of the night. Not in a cocky way, but in a way that made you actually want to do it more. That’s gone now.

“What do you want, Jaehyun?” It’s a genuine question. He had followed you for a reason, you both knew that.

He looks down, almost in a shy manner and it makes you feel inadequate for some reason. “Just wanted to talk to you, I guess. it's been a while.” He mutters lowly. “Kinda miss you.”

Lies. What does he miss exactly? Talking to you? Unlikely because of all the things you did together, talking was not on top of the list. Your body? Sex? Couldn't be, because apparently he could get it  with plenty other people.

“Well, that's too bad.” You reply bitterly. “Besides, I don’t really feel like talking to you right now.” 

He looks genuinely hurt at that but only for a moment and you almost feel bad for it. Almost. “Come on, don’t be so mean to me. Im sorry, okay?” His voice drops even lower as he comes closer to you. Risky thing to do, in your opinion. “What I did was stupid. But you can be mad at me forever, we weren't even dating.”

“Thank god.” You mutter and he rolls his eyes at that. He’s standing very close to you know, hovering above you as you can see every detail of his face. Can smell the perfume you like so much and it makes your head spin.

“It's not like I cheated on you.” His voice is completely defeated. That’s far from the right thing to say and he knows that too. 

“You really are an asshole. I told you before i don't — didn't — care if you fuck other girls.” You hiss, avoiding his eyes. “But what you did was the awful. You made me — You broke my heart“

“I know and I'm sorry, how many times do i have to say it?” He does sound sorry, you’ll give him that. “Come on, can’t we just be good again, baby?” 

Maybe that’s the moment it all goes down. Maybe it was already over from the moment you saw him staring at you. 

“I don't know, Jaehyun.” But you do know and for a moment you just stare at him like he’s staring at you, wonder if there’s want in your eyes like there is in his. You stare at his lips before he talks again. 

“I like these things on your eyes.” He always hits you with the most random compliments that make you go weak in the knee.

“Please don’t say things like that.” You whine and hit him lightly on the chest. That makes him smile and you wish it didn’t. 

“Why not?” He asks teasingly. 

“You know why.” He knows, he really knows. That’s why he moves his head down just a little so that he can press at kiss at your cheek. 

You should push him away right now. That would be the smart thing to do. The right thing to do. Johnny was probably somewhere looking for you right now, and here you were, letting Jung Jaehyun make you a fool out of yourself again. You should be angry, mad, not putty in his hand. 

“Tell me this, baby.” He whispers against your ear and you feel small. So small he could just grab you in his hand. “Did you come with Johnny to make me mad? Huh? Don't lie to me.”

“I didn’t.” Yes you did and your plan had worked apparently. But not in the way you expected. “The world doesn't revolve around your dick, you know.” 

He laughs lowly. “Really? Because I think you did. Dancing all around him like you knew I would be watching.” He tsks, voice is smug and you wish he would just end your suffering. “You don't have to do that baby. I already want you enough.”

“You’re evil, Jaehyun.” Is all you manage to say, voice slurred. “I can’t think straight when I’m around you.” 

All you can think about is how you want to kiss him right now, and he seems to be thinking the same thing. “You know you don’t have to think at all. I got you.” He murmurs against your skins, lips pressing on your jaw, kissing your face until he stops at your lips and they immediately part for them. 

One of your hands slips to the back of his hair then, closing the distance between you two. It’s a slow, languid kiss and you can taste the alcohol from his lips. Or maybe it’s from yours, but you couldn’t care less right now.  His hand holding your face is what keeps you grounded, because the feels of his tongue sliding against yours in opened mouth kisses could kill you right now. 

When you part from the kiss you’re both breathing heavily and his hands stay in your cheeks. “I want you so bad. Always want you.” He says, voice raspy. And who were you to deny him of that when you wanted him just as much. 

☾

He was onto you the moment you stepped inside his room. Lips attached to your neck as you kept a vice grip on his hair, letting him know how much you were liking it. Usually Jaehyun took his time, building you up until you were begging, but tonight he seems to be the desperate one, with the way he grips your thighs, trying to push you closer to him and onto the bed at the same time.

You fall into the bed with a huff, him right on top of you and he continued his work on your neck. Tilting your head to give him more access, you feel the slide of his teeth on your sensitive skin and it makes you let out a moan. He continues doing that for a while, pressing kisses all over your and removing your dress while at it for better access. You give in easily, of course you do. 

“Do you want me?” He asks suddenly, voice muffled on your neck and you nod desperately.

“Yes. Yes, please.” You sound needy, pathetic. You are sure he loves it. He bites your neck after your reply, hands holding your thighs so he could scoop you up in the bed and your legs curl around his waist. 

You watch as he moves to remove his shirt and unbutton his jeans and you follow his lead by removing your own bra, biting your lips after throwing it somewhere in the room. 

He wastes no time in diving in your chest, licking one of your nipples before he starts sucking on it, making you arch your back underneath him like you’re asking for more. When his teeth close around it you let out a loud whine that makes him smirk against your skin. “Always so fucking loud for me.” He mutters and you can only reply with incoherent words. 

He kisses you again then, this time slower, with your mouths parting as he slides his tongue against your teeth before he’s sucking on your bottom lip. He moves his hips against yours in a slow grind, as if to test the waters, and your mind goes blank at the feeling of him hard against you. Fingers raking on his back, you try to bring him closer to you, as if that was possible. 

“Are you wet? Hmm?” He whispers against your jaw and you can only nod. As if to check, he presses two fingers on your clothed core. The way you have soaked through the cotton of your panties seems to be confirmation enough because he removes them, followed by his own underwear. 

Back on you, he drags his middle finger to your slit to your clit, circling it in a torturing way. He inhales deep when you whine against his lips. “Jaehyun.” His name falls from your lips in complete surrender. 

He presses one last fervent kiss to your lips? “Do you want it? — Fuck — Please, tell me.” His voice is strained as his hardness slides through your lower lips and you try to press him closer with your calves on his hips. “Please.”

“I want it - Jesus, I want it so bad.” Is all he needs to hear. In a blur, you watch him reach for his bedside table and retrieve a condom. You watch as he slides it on and then squeezes his cock in his fist trying to calm himself down.

He guides himself to your entrance, pushing the tip inside and your head spins, making you moan loudly. “That’s it. Take me, Baby — Fucking hell — That’s it.” 

it’s pure bliss when he bottoms out, you sighing from how full you feel and him grunting deeply in his chest. His hands immediately grips at your hips and he gives you the first thrust, hard and deep. 

He only gets rougher, each trust hitting you deeper than the last as his hips moves against yours. It’s when he whines against your mouth and brings a thumb to your clit that you know he won’t last long. “So fucking tight, god.” He hisses. “Taking me so well. You always take me well.” 

You bask in the praise, and with another thrust you’re coming all over him, squeezing him in and legs pushing him even deeper. “Oh, fuck.” You almost yell and he swallows it with his lips.

In a moment he’s coming too, with a low grunt and what you think is your name falling from his lips. You can feel him pulsing inside you when his forehead knocks against yours. This was probably the fastest any of you had ever reached your release with each other and you weren’t sure what that meant. 

Closing your eyes as he pulls out, you try not to think about it.

☾

You wake up with a headache and an ache between your legs. When you open your eyes, the surroundings are familiar and it only makes your head hurts even more. You remember every single thing that happened. 

Just as you sit up in the bed, Jaehyun walks in with a plate of what you think is sliced fruit and a glass of water that he hands you. “Morning.” His voice is raspy and his face is puffy, meaning he hasn't been awake for long. 

“Morning.” You reply, voice barely coming out so you down the glass of water before speaking again. “What time is it?” 

“It’s almost 3pm. We slept a lot” You mutter a little ‘fuck’ as he sits next to you in the bed and it feels weird to be here, unnatural. You had never stayed over before and it shows on how neither of you know how to act. “Here, I cut some apple for you. Might help if you’re feeling sick.”

Now that’s sweet. Too sweet for the occasion. “Thanks.” You take the plate from him, picking one slice and biting into it. It’s silence for a minute, only your chewing and the fan sound filling the room. You try not to think about anything, or else you would have a panic attack right away.

He clears his throat suddenly and you brace yourself. “About what you said in the party. I didn't mean to.” His voice is barely a whisper as he stares at you. “Break your heart I mean.”

You mutter a little oh, slice of apple falling from your grip. There’s nothing you think of saying, so you just stare back at him. He’s really beautiful, and you had noticed before of course, but right now fresh out of bed and unguarded he looks almost angelic. 

“But I can't give you what you want.” He continues and each word feels like a punch in your chest. “I'm not ready to be anyone's boyfriend.”

“Okay. I can understand that.” Your response is flat, dry.

His eyes soften at that. “It’s okay if you hate me.” 

“I don't.” That’s a lie at the same time it’s not and he gives you a look because he knows that too.” Okay, maybe a little bit.” 

He gives you a sweet smile that only makes you heart ache more and you place the plate he gave you on the bedside table before getting up.

“We can still be friends.” He says while you’re getting dressed.

You cringe at his words. How naive of him to think like that. “We are not friends, Jaehyun.” Your voice is small, not wanting to hurt him even though he just did that to you. “ And… I don't think I want us to be.” 

“Ok.” Is the only thing he says.

“Ok.” You mimic, before you’re walking away.

☾

The walk of shame is, thankfully, better than the rest of it all. You walk the whole way from Jaehyun’s dorm to yours in complete silence and without a thought in your head. It’s nice not thinking about anything, because these days it seems like your mind won’t let you catch a break. There’s always something in your head, how you need to raise your GPA and how you might fail a class or two, the uncertain thought of maybe not being able to find a job after you graduate. And finally, the one that makes you stay up at night, the excruciating thought of not being good enough for anything or anyone. That’s the one that makes you stay up at night staring at the ceiling as your insides eat you alive and the one that makes it hurt just a little more that Jung Jaehyun doesn't want you. 

But you don’t think about that at all. Not until you reach your house.

When you open the door you are met with emptiness and silence, and for now you’re thankful for it. You check your phone just in case, as you drop your things in the kitchen counter, and are not surprised to be met with 10 phone calls, 2 of them being from Johnny and a crazy amount of texts. 

You only open the chat with your roomates, quickly going through their messages of worry and sending them one back reassuring you were ok and had just gotten home. After that you shut your phone down, moving silently to the bathroom. 

The cold water of the shower manages to wake you up from your daze. Taking a deep breath as the water streams hit your back, you think back to the conversation. If that could be called a conversation at all. He did most of the talking, like he had it all planned out on his head. And it was so sudden, so quick that you think he probably wanted it to be over fast, like ripping off a bandaid. 

But it was better like this. You wonder if you would have said anything you regretted if you had stayed longer. You shut your eyes tightly. 

You hadn’t cried about it yet. You probably wouldn’t, didn’t really feel like it. This isn't even heartbreak, if you are being honest with yourself, this is just a bruise to your ego, that the target of your infatuation didn't reciprocate your shallow feelings. And it hurts, of course it does but there’s ways to fix it. 

When you get out of the shower and finish drying yourself you realize that you don’t want to be alone at the moment. You think of calling your friends, but they wouldn’t rest until you had spilled every single detail and you weren't ready to do that yet. 

Your thumb hovers the number that had texted you five times yesterday. The first two asking of your whereabouts and the last ones asking if you were okay, and to text him. You don’t hesitate before pressing on the call button. 

It rings three times before he picks up. “___. Hi.” His voice is sweet, even after what you did. 

“Hi, Johnny. I’m sorry for not calling earlier, I just passed out when I got home.” You give a little chuckle, trying to hide your nervousness. 

“Oh, that’s fine. Are you okay, thought? You disappeared last night and then Anne texted me asking if I knew where you were.” It’s an awful feeling knowing you made your friends worried, but you would fix it. You always did.

“Yeah, I’m okay. Sorry about all that.” Your clear your throat before asking the next question. “I was kinda wondering If I could come over… I can bring food, to make it up to you.” 

And he says yes, of course he does. So you get ready, buy the chinese takeout he said he liked and in an hour you’re standing outside his house. 

“Hey, there.” He greets you with the same warmth he did yesterday. Only this time he looks more laid back, with a white t-shirt and sweatpants. It’s a good look. “You’re a savior, I was starving.” 

He takes the food from your hands and you laugh, walking inside his dorm and taking it in. It looks nice and you wish you were here in different circumstances, that you had taken time to actually get to know him instead of rushing everything to fulfill your own ego. “Are you hangover?” You try and make small talk while he gets the utensils he needs before gesturing to the couch in the middle of the room, and you take a seat. 

“Not really. Didn’t drink much after you left.” He places the food on the small table in front of you, opening the lids and you suddenly realize how hungry you were. “Are you?” 

“Nope.” You reply. You only had a headache, but you doubt that was from a hangover. 

“Then one beer won’t kill us.” He jokes, placing the beers he had retrieved from the fridge before finally sitting beside you on the couch. 

You start eating after that, both of you too hungry to talk about anything but Johnny keeps you entertained and you are not surprised to see he’s just as nice as he was yesterday. 

Only when the food is gone and Johnny is cracking open his second beer you decide to say something about what happened. 

“Listen, I’m sorry about last night. I got caught up with a friend and you know, had to help her out.” The lies comes easy and you feel bad, but the truth would be far worst. “I really did have a good time, though. Before I left.” 

He takes a sip before he’s smiling at you. “It’s fine, don’t worry. Shit like this happens.” You stare at his face. It’s impossible that he’s real, with his pretty face and understanding words. “And I had a good time too, was just a bit sad that I didn’t get to even kiss you.” 

That surprises you and you blush at his words. You knew he was at least a bit attracted to you and in the end, wasn't this the reason you had called him asking to come over in the first place? Isn't this what you wanted, a bit company? But you didn't expect him to be the one initiating it. 

You gulp down the lump on your throat. “W-We have time now, though. Don’t we?” 

He just laughs, nodding before he’s kissing you. It’s a slow, tentative kiss and he holds you by the back of your neck. He pressed his lips against yours, before he’s pulling at your bottom lip and you grip at his t-shirt. You’re impatient, trying to lick at his lips to get him to part them but doesn't let you have your fun. 

He just moves your head to his liking, kissing you deeper and your grip on his t-shirt gets tighter as your try to get him closer to you. 

He chuckles from your desperate ministrations, and you wonder when you had become this person, that is greedy and pathetically needy. That wants things to move fast so you don’t have time to think about Jaehyun. “Easy, angel.” Johnny mutters against your lips. “We have time, remember?” 

You just nod, trying to wrap your mind around that fact. You take a deep breath and start again. 

Maybe this time you would get things right.

----

a/n: thank you so much for reading! i hope you enjoyed it and if you did you can tell me here or support me by buying me a coffee here! 

[ourloveisforthelovely]

In Love and Death Part 2

Harry Potter 

Link to Chapter 1

Pairings: Regulus Black x Reader 

Rating: M- light  smut

_____

Hot water washed over your sore joints. The heat was a welcome change from the chill of the hotel room. You rubbed a hand through your soaking hair. Regulus hadn’t joined you yet. You frowned. Normally it would take him all of three seconds to hop into the shower with you. Heat plus your naked bodies being pressed together was enough to entice the man into anything that you wanted.

Your mind went back to the previous conversation. Regulus’ aversion to going back to the order and coming out as a couple made sense. You knew that your friends, Moody, in particular, wouldn't take it well. Hell, your own father probably wouldn’t take it well (had he been alive). You didn’t remember much about his temper but from what your mother said Evan could go off over the smallest thing. His best friend dating his daughter would be a sure way to set Evan off.

Thinking back to Evan Rosier, you couldn’t help feeling a little sad. You were four when he was killed by none other than Moody himself. The world didn’t know the same Evan that you knew. They didn’t know the man who gave up most of his own dreams in order to be a dad at 16 or the man that would sit on the floor of the Rosier family manor to play dolls with you (he wouldn’t admit the latter part but you knew it happened.) The world only saw the death eater that thought it was smart to come up against Mad-eye Moody and didn’t live to see the next day.

You closed your eyes trying to remember what you could about Evan. As you got older you were beginning to forget the little things like his voice, the way he held you as a child, and the way that you would sit on his foot in some pathetic hope to keep him home. Pictures only went so far.

After you grew up and got away from your family’s ignorant ideals, you began to realize how crazy your father really was. He never should have been out running around with Voldemort. Evan should have been at home being a good father. Your grandmother was kind enough to raise you for the first year while Evan and your mother finished school. Running around with a maniac and getting killed was a pretty shitty way to repay her.

Regulus was another source of confusion for you. You could only remember bits and pieces of him. You were two when he technically “died.” The most you could really remember about him was pulling his hair when he would come to visit your parents.

Grandmother would die if she knew…

You could already see the horrified expression on her face when you would bring Regulus in for the first time. The old woman would probably think that she was losing her mind.

That would be slightly desirable

You thought with a smirk. Your grandmother was just like the rest of your family. Snarky purebloods who thought that they were better than everyone else. Maybe it would do her some good to come back down to planet earth.

Regulus’ arms wrapping around your waist pulled you from your thoughts.

“Took you long enough.”

You said as Regulus shoved his head under the water. Flipping his hair over his shoulder, he shoved you back against the wall. He wrapped both of your wrists in one of his hands and held them over your head.

“Sorry.”

Regulus said before trailing his nose down your neck to your shoulder.

“Is it bad that I don’t want to go back?”

He asked, softly. You lifted a leg over his hip trying to pull Regulus closer.

“We don’t have to.”

You replied. Regulus stood back up straight. He stroked a finger down your cheek.

“And we will be hunted down like dogs.”

“They’ll have to get used to it...you and I. I’m not giving you up to appease anyone.”

Regulus let your hands go so he could cup your face.

��I think that I’ve been a bad influence on you. Before you and I got together you were this sweet little girl that wouldn’t say the word fuck now you are talking about sassing Mad-eye Moody. I have to say that I’m impressed.”

You smiled as Regulus peppered kisses down your cheek.

“You’re the first guy that I have ever given a damn about.”

Regulus lifted you enough to align himself to your entrance. You didn’t wait for him to tug him down instead you sunk down onto his length. Regulus groaned, holding his head back. He was going to miss being able to have you whenever the hell he wanted. Since Regulus started sleeping with you, he began to see why his brother was such a manwhore. Sex was actually very nice!

Maybe if he played his cards right, the two of you could get away from Grimmauld Place soon enough. Being back home was the last place that Regulus wanted to be. Between Mad- eye watching his every move, his mother’s portrait profeessing her undying love for him, and Kreacher holding onto his leg sobbing like an emotional toddler; being home was exhausting.

“What a coincidence, you are the first girl that I have ever given a damn about. Now pay attention to what I am doing to you.”

Regulus said with a grin before leaning in for another kiss.

(The next morning)

Both Regulus and yourself stood outside of Grimmauld Place staring at the door handle with matching frowns.

“So, we are on the same footing here?”

You asked. Regulus nodded.

“Yes, if they give you a hard time. I’m coming in and cleaning things up. They won’t want that.”

“Then we apparate the fuck out of there…”

Regulus nodded.

“Sounds nifty.”

Before you could say anything else, Tonks opened the door and pulled you into a fierce hug that left the two of you on the floor. She wrapped herself around you like an oversized cat. You ignored Moody who was muttering about “did they forget how to open doors?”

“Y/n, I have missed you! I missed your face! I missed everything about you!”

Tonks held your face in her hands as she looked down at you from your place beneath her. It took all that you had not to laugh at your best friend's over the top dramatic greeting. You couldn’t have expected anything less from Tonks.

“I missed you too.”

You said with a smirk as Tonks started stroking your hair. The moment that her eyes landed on the love bit that Regulus left on your neck, her mouth dropped. She glanced over her shoulder at Regulus. He didn’t make any facial expression upon realizing that Tonks had put the “secret” together.

“It was then that they realized that neither one of them needed a man.”

Both Tonks and yourself jumped up the moment that Sirius spoke. You have Sirius a scowl.

“In your wildest fantasies.”

Sirius grinned. He enjoyed the fun back and forth banter that the two of you had when it came to sex.

“Let me go get a drink and I will gladly sit here and watch. Neither of you has to touch me.”

Both Remus and Regulus were glaring at Sirius now.

“Shut up, Sirius.”

Regulus snapped. Sirius grinned even wider before his vision stopped on the love bite too. You watched as his mouth dropped before he glanced between Regulus and yourself. He leaned over to Remus and held out his hand.

“You owe me a ton of chocolate.”

“It's not what you think.”

You said, assuming that Sirius figured that Regulus and yourself were just sleeping together. What you didn’t know was Sirius and Remus had made a bet that the two of you would end up in a relationship. Knowing Sirius the way that you did, you assumed the bet was just sex-related.

“It's exactly what he thinks.”

Regulus replied. Tonks had her hand over her mouth and you went to stand beside Regulus. You wrapped your hand around his as Moody walked in.

The older man automatically frowned. Your goal was to tell your friends in a “soft” calm manner but now you weren’t surprised. Nothing in your life ever went according to plan.

“Both of you in the living room. NOW!”

Moody snapped. He stormed in the room fighting the urge to wipe that sneer off of Regulus Black’s smug little face. Moody waited until the both of you sat down before speaking.

“How long?”

You were the first to speak. It was probably a good idea that you did the talking. If it were Regulus doing the talking, hexes would start flying in seconds.

“Right after we got to Greece.”

Moody growled. His attention locked on Regulus.

“I told you to leave her alone.”

Regulus rolled his eyes. He wasn’t about to back down from Moody.

“Let me tell you something about Y/n. She doesn’t do a damn thing that she doesn’t want to. Besides, it's not your decision upon how she lives her life.”

“Did she do you too?”

Tonks asked. Both Regulus and yourself turned to stare at Tonks. Had the situation not been so serious, you would have laughed at the expression on her face. You were thankful for Sirius who was giggling so hard that Remus had to reach out and pinch him.

“Sure. Tonks. I have sex with every guy that I go out with!”

You snapped. Tonks frowned.

“And Regulus is okay with this?”

Remus put a hand on his girlfriend’s back.

“You aren’t helping, love.”

You quickly stood up.

“I am going to say this once. It isn’t anyone in this room’s decision on who I am going to be with. I’m an adult.”

“He was there when you were born. That is messed up.”

Moody snapped. Regulus’ scowl intensified.

“Remus is older than Tonks and I don’t see you bitching about that. Apparently, you are forgetting the fact that I was 18 when I died and look at that...still 18.”

“Fine, it's because you are a death eater. You should have stayed dead.”

“Alastor!”

You snapped his name as Moody turned to face you.

“I’m not watching you throw your life away on some death eater because you have unresolved daddy issues from your father's death.”

Everyone in the room became instantly silent. You blinked a few times before Regulus reached out for your hand.

“Love…”

You shook yourself loose and stared at Moody with heartbroken eyes. This was by far the cruelest thing that he had ever said to you. That comment was worse than how he treated you when you became an auror. He didn’t trust you then because of whose daughter you were and it took you forever to gain his trust. Once you did, however, he adored you and treated both Tonks and yourself like his own daughters. Now you felt as though you had been slapped in the face.

“I don’t have daddy issues. My father made his decisions. You were the one that blew him away. He made bad decisions in his life but that isn’t Regulus’ mess to clean up. That was Evan’s fault not Regulus’.”

Moody frowned.

“Let me make this simple for you, Y/n. You are an auror and a brilliant one at that. You have potential...a spark. Don’t throw your life away for some death eater with a bad attitude.”

You stood in silence for a moment not looking at anyone but Moody.

“That's enough.”

Regulus said, in a warning tone. He had no issues with hexing Moody. Whether the two men were on the same side of not, Regulus was not going to let him upset you anymore. The comments about Evan were below the belt. You didn’t ask your father to make poor decisions.

You recovered after a few moments of trying to keep your Rosier temper under control.

“Fine. I quit. I’m done. You can take this auror job and shove it.”

“Y/n…”

Tonks said, gently. You shook your head brushing off your best friend and partner’s attempt of trying to “smooth the situation over.”

“I’m done.”

You turned and walked from the room leaving everyone in silence. Regulus smirked at the shocked expression on Moody’s face. That was one way to shut the man up.

“You’ve been most helpful.”

Regulus said coldly before standing up and going in the direction that you had gone in.

You stood in his bedroom angrily staring at the wall when Regulus finally caught up to you. Kreacher was busy whispering to you in some hope of cheering you up.

“Kreacher, that will do.”

Regulus said as the elf looked up at him with those teary eyes. At the moment, the last thing that Regulus wanted to do was deal with a pissed off girlfriend and a sobbing elf.

“Yes, master Regulus.”

Kreacher muttered before popping out of the room. Regulus was a bit surprised that Kreacher didn’t beg to stay. Since Regulus had come back, Kreacher was finding any excuse to be in the same room. Regulus figured it was because he was the one person (except you) that was remotely nice to the elf.

Regulus closed the door behind him and cast a quick silencing charm. The last thing that he wanted was for anyone downstairs to be listening at the door.

“You sure showed them.”

Regulus commented before kneeling down in front of you. Your blue eyes met his and Regulus had to fight the urge to stomp back down the stairs and chew everyone out individually. He wasn’t for sure why he was so mad at Sirius and Remus. They had been mostly quiet through that whole fiasco but Regulus could find something.

“What was said when I left?”

Regulus shrugged before gently pushing your backward on the bed and planting himself on top of you.

“I really don’t know. I made a snarky comment and left too. I’m sure they are tearing us apart right now. You know, I really didn’t expect you to go and quit your job. Watching Moody look so stunned was rather amusing though. I wish that I had one of those muggle cameras.”

You smirked.

“Your cell phone has one.”

It took all that you had not to giggle at the unamused expression on your boyfriend’s face.

“I hate that thing.”

“You’ve gone through 4 in two months so I kind of got the idea. Was I wrong down there?”

Regulus shook his head.

“No. It took all that I had not to open my mouth. Look, I don’t need any of those idiots downstairs to make my life happy.”

“I make you happy?”

You questioned. Regulus raised an eyebrow before leaning down and kissing you. The sugary sweetness of the moment would have made him gag years ago now it was welcomed. Now Regulus was ready to soak up any bit of love that you had to offer him.

“Of course. All I need is these blue eyes, these full lips, and this smart mouth.”

You laughed.

“I’ve never heard anyone say that they enjoyed my smart mouth.”

Regulus took your hand and placed it on his crotch. Giving you a small smile, his fingers started on the buttons of your dress.

“That should answer your question, silly girl.”

“I would rather do this than be downstairs.’

Regulus nodded and tugged his shirt over his head.

“For the record, I have never had a girl in this bed.”

You quickly started unbuttoning your dress.

“Maybe you should take that silencing charm off of this room so we can make everyone very uncomfortable?”

____

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[fishmongeringstudies]

eight: if time can't heal it and love can't save it and hope won't keep you alive anymore

it turns out the ceiling light in my room was kind of busted. for three months i thought light fixtures in america were just Like That but looking at this one, right now, i realize light fixtures are supposed to be Like This, by which i mean bright enough to see your hands under, by which i mean bright enough to illuminate someone's eyes and fifteen gold earrings and teeth. the teeth are important. though if they aren't laughing very much i guess it won't matter.

lately i've been telling myself the same narrative over and over again in a grim attempt to retain my sanity. it goes like this: dear me, i say while punching a wall like a well-muscled thirty-something year old white male starring in a hollywood film in which his wife runs away with another man and he's heartbroken and super hung up over it but mainly disappointed to find that instant noodles don't taste as good without soft-boiled eggs in them. dear me, i repeat for dramatic effect. then i say it thirty more times, really fast, like bloody mary in your bathroom mirror on steroids.

dear bloody, bloody me. are you listening? so i know things aren't going so great right now and i know you struggle to walk down this hallway without thinking about someone's shadow on the wall and i know the last two months have been so awful you sleep in two hour bursts now like batman on a three week stakeout, like someone who can't afford to take their eyes off the door, but one day you're going to have the best fucking story to tell at dinner parties, and everyone's going to be mesmerized because 1) you're really good at telling stories that are so fucked up they're funny and 2) you're really hot and this story is so fucked up it's funny and you're always going to be hot so they're all going to fall in love with you and you're going to break all their hearts in alphabetical order and it's going to be great.

dear me: i know you're miserable.

i know how i've set this up. you're leaning forward in your seat now. we're at the dinner party i talked about in march, april, may. you're in a tux or a dress with a ruffled collar and i'm talking about how my first semester of college in america was a joke, and you look super hot and i look super hot and everyone looks super hot because all my friends are hot and funny and good at telling stories, but right before you can ask me what i mean by a joke (was it a good joke? a bad joke? did anyone get hurt?), i put my glass on the table and wander off into the crowd.

that is to say: it is not the time yet to tell The Story. but we can talk about the aftermath.

this room looks out over the other side of the building. it has a view of the greenhouse, partially obscured by a large tree with green, heart-shaped leaves. the bedframe is situated at such a ridiculous height that i can sit underneath it without hitting my head, and there's blu tack stuck to the walls, the shadow of spring, old signs of life. one of the drawers in the dresser is crooked. there's a table light that doesn't work. there are water rings on the table.

during the last leg of finals week i dragged myself out of my room for dinner because i refused to sit at my desk and be sad on a friday evening, even though the alternative was to sit in one of those white lawn chairs on the grass and be sad under a slate-gray sky, and halfway through the bit where the protagonist accidentally gets locked inside the room where he's being served a three-course meal and the staff tell him to punch a hole in the wall to get out and he's like i can't do that, i can't break this nice-looking wall and then he breaks the nice-looking wall, when the day was getting late enough that the sky was starting to look less slate-gray and more like a black eye, someone came up to me with a rolled-up yoga mat slung over one shoulder and a camera in her hands. 'i need to shoot something for a final project due tomorrow,' she said. 'can i borrow your hands?'

even the cornered mouse has broken someone's nose before. paintings on cave walls were made by people with skin just like ours. when you feel like you've been backed into a corner and you have nothing and will never have anything ever again, remember this: you are part of someone's spring 2021 final project. you with your super fucked up fingers and your book about the guy who, after punching himself out of that wall, went home with half a rewritten manuscript and met his old lover who, instead of getting married, realized he had followed the wrong person home and had thus taken the necessary steps to rectify his mistake. i am describing the final beats of andrew greer's less. but no conclusion is worth much without a beginning.

where does this story begin? was it that snowed-in morning in washington dc when i stepped off the plane feeling like i'd left half of my heart in the seat pocket? was it the long car ride to school, leaving muffin-crumbs all over the upholstery, the cold wind in my face and the radio blaring through the soft, serrated static? was it that first evening in the half-lit hallway?

it's hard to identify the start of a nightmare. fear has a tendency to reach backwards in time with painted nails and skin, and strangle your past selves so as to prevent the re-introduction of light. this part i won't tell at the dinner party, so i can tell you. in my first semester of college in america i made the wrong friend a few times. one of them was really, really wrong.

but it's never too late to call quits. walk off the set. get in your car. go home. and if you need to, if home becomes homicide, ask for help. the world isn't all mouse-traps and misery. some people want you to flourish. i know it's a hard idea to wrap your head around. you're sitting across from me in a mcdonald's with your metal straw sticking out of your mouth and you're frowning at me. you think i'm full of shit.

it's true though. one day i'll drive you to a dinner party and i'll tell you about my personal sleep paralysis demon, circa 2021, and you'll be mesmerized because i'm good at telling fucked up stories in a way that makes people laugh and my voice will be really hot so everyone will be super bothered by 1) how fucked up this guy is and 2) my really hot voice and then the story will end and i'll smile in the half-light and end with my signature line about how first impressions are all wrong and you should never trust a stranger who says they want the best for you and also people who talk to you in bathrooms are not doing okay and you should stay away from them. and then i'll say but this lady was really nice, and my friends stayed mad when i got too tired to be anything but miserable, and i nicknamed him richard the slut after richard from the secret history by donna tartt, which i was rereading at the time, and one time someone said 'i'll never be able to look at him without thinking of 'richard the slut' again' and i laughed so hard i punctured a lung, and have i mentioned i have really funny friends? you'll say no. i'll say it again. i have really funny friends. you're a really funny friend.

today i pour strawberry-lime kool aid into two teacups and we reminisce about the good old days, when we thought everyone had a sense of basic human decency.

maybe i'll sleep with the light on tonight. i mean look at it. it's such a nice light.

05.28.21

[skullhaver]

It's 2021, and I'm watching Buffy for the first time.

The Virgil on my Buffy journey is my long-distance girlfriend, who has loved the show for years. We just finished season 4, and I wanted to write about my favorite episodes so far. I suspect some of my faves are beloved by most fans, but others are weird, personal picks. Buffy fandom, please don't come for me.

I thought this post would be short but I was wrong.

Hono(u)rable Mentions: "Band Candy" S3E6 and "Halloween" S2E6

Both these episodes have fun premises where the Scoobies run around Sunnydale after it was upended by zany, chaotic dark forces. "Band Candy" is fun for devil-may-care teen Giles. "Halloween" is fun for 18th-century-ditz Buffy. These are both very good, and are the sorts of episode I can imagine happily rewatching in the future. I just have more to pontificate upon for the other episodes on this list.

10. "Ted" S2E11

I can’t say I enjoyed this episode, but it did take me for a wild ride. Probably nobody else has strong feelings about this weird story where Buffy's mom dates a stereotypical cheesy family man, who turns out to be a controlling abuser, who turns out to be a robot. I remember shouting at the screen, "Did Buffy just kill a human man?? Is it okay in the moral logic of this show for Buffy to kill a human if he's a direct physical threat to her??" I knew Buffy would have deeper stories than the monster of the week formula we'd seen so far, but this early in season 2, I had no idea when or how that would happen. This was the episode that finally taught me that Buffy is largely not interested in moral ambiguity, or in exploring what it means to be good or bad. Except for season-defining exceptions like Faith and Angel, evil characters are simplistically, essentially evil. But it was wild to believe for a moment that Buffy murdered her mom's abusive boyfriend and would have to live with the consequences.

9. "Helpless" S3E12

When Buffy tries to be genuinely scary, it succeeds with aplomb. The premise of this episode is dumb and contrived ("Giles has to remove Buffy's powers without her knowledge for a seeeecret test by the Watcher's Council") but the chase and fight in this episode are some of the most tense and spooky scenes of the whole series so far. Buffy's vulnerability makes the stakes feel real in a way few other episodes manage. And Buffy's victory is all the more satisfying because she can't punch her way out of this problem, she has to be smart and creative. The fridge horror, of course, is that Giles would endanger her like this in the first place, but that gets sorted out over the emotional arc of the next few episodes.

8. "I Only Have Eyes For You." S2E19

Another spooky episode, this one a classic ghost story of forbidden love ending in murder - but with the twist that the ghosts possess people's bodies to have them reenact their final moments. I love stories about breaking a doomed-to-repeat cycle. I love weird shit like the snakes manifesting in the cafeteria. And I really loved the choice to have Buffy and Angel come to understand their feelings about their own relationship by embodying these ghosts - especially how they embodied different genders than their own to better fit the "roles" of the haunting story, thus subverting the expected pattern. I found this episode clever, poignant, and effective.

7. "Who Are You?" S4E16

"Faith and Buffy switch bodies" is a wild premise, but the real joy of "Who Are You?" is watching Sarah Michelle Geller being an extremely talented actress for 45 minutes, portraying a totally different character. Watching Faith confronted by kindness and love from Buffy's mom, Riley, and her friends, then getting launched into an existential crisis over it is so great. Also, I just dig a good church fight.

6. "Hush" S4E10

As stated above, love an episode that reminds me that these people are talented actors! Featuring demons that render all of Sunnydale unable to talk, we get to watch great physical comedy right next to tense, silent fight scenes. The visual creepiness of the Gentleman and their straight-jacketed weird little helpers is hard to beat. "Hush" is such a clever episode that it ascends monster of the week status to become almost Twilight Zone-esque. Also, for the first time, Buffy sees Riley doing his Initiative thing, and Riley sees Buffy being the Slayer, but they can't talk about it?? That's good shit.

5. "The Wish" S3E9

Both "Something Blue" and "The Wish" feel like the writers decided to use fanfic premises on their own show... so obviously I like them a lot. But getting to watch a dark timeline AU with interesting world-building and attention to detail, a hilarious and horrifying Cordelia POV, AND a smirking kinky vampire Willow? Hello?? And the fact that the Wishverse comes up again in "Doppelgänger" (another truly fun episode) only improves my opinion. I imagine this is the kind of episode fans simply love coming back to.

4. "Restless" S4E22

This David Lynch-ass dream sequence was a weird choice for a season finale, but an extremely ambitious and cool episode. I should say up front that I love David Lynch-ass dream shit. There were creative and well-executed scene transitions as characters moved seamlessly from one dream room into another. Several memorably neat shots - Willow running between endless curtains as she tries to get onstage, Buffy alone in a vast desert with a weirdly high camera angle. And I got myself all excited thinking that the First Slayer would maybe become a different kind of antagonist - maybe not even fully revealed in this episode, or maybe an Id-like aspect of Buffy herself. But I forgot Whedon gonna Whedon, so the First Slayer had to be someone Buffy could punch in the end. And the First Slayer is sadly yet another primitive-themed, emotionally-stunted character of color for this show. Most of her lines in this episode are literally voiced by a white woman speaking for her, and of all the dumb quips to make, Buffy had a line about her hair being unprofessional? Also, I'm a lesbian, so the fact that the most explicit act of intimacy between Willow and Tara this show has allowed us to see occurs in Xander's horny dream sequence... it’s unforgivable, Joss. This episode was one of my favorites ever, deeply marred by some bad writing choices.

3. "Lovers Walk" S3E8

Spike, perhaps the best non-Willow character in this show, is back in Sunnydale, a hilariously heartbroken mess of a man, hell-bent on getting his former girlfriend Drusilla back. (Drusilla left him for a fungus demon.) So Spike breaks into a magic shop to get ingredients for a love spell, where he runs into Willow, who is getting ingredients for a de-lusting spell, because she is worried she and Xander will be too thirsty to behave appropriately in public with their actual partners, Oz and Cordelia. This is a hilarious moment just to exist. This is all the episode needed to do to satisfy me. But the fact that Spike then kidnaps Willow, and it ends with tragic stakes of everyone's relationships coming apart, not to mention me genuinely thinking Cordelia was dead for a minute there - wow. Chef’s kiss. The episode is balanced shockingly well between Spike being an ominous villain, and being the sort of lovable semi-evil (more gremlin-like) side character he'll become in season 4. What a wild ride.

2. "Graduation Day" S3E21-22

I'm counting this two part season finale as one because it's my list and I'll do what I want. "Graduation Day" feels like a quintessential Buffy episode executed to perfection. It has Buffy reaffirming her position as a moral heroine, sacrificing her own blood to save Angel's life even when she thought she had to kill Faith to save him. It has Buffy and Faith (or Buffy/Faith, as I prefer to think of them) getting to square off in a dramatic, tough fight. It has a lot of Mayor Wilkins, a character I truly adore for some reason. Nothing like a public administrator who plays mini golf in his office, wants you to chew with your mouth closed, and will kill a graduating class of high schoolers to gain immortality. The catharsis of the whole school getting to fight back against evil, instead of just Buffy against the world - a real joy. This episode misses the top spot for two reasons. "A special vampire poison and the only cure is the blood of a Slayer" is too contrived for me to let slide, and also I had to see Cordelia and Wesley kiss.

1. "Becoming" S2E21-22

Buffy’s season finales really do have good stories and satisfying payoff. First off, Buffy starts this episode by punching a cop and fleeing from the law. Later, Spike also punches a cop. A.k.a., Buffy said blue lives don't matter. Second - I haven't gotten a chance to comment on this yet, but all throughout season 2, evil Angel is such a joy to watch. As regular Angel, David Boreanaz makes exactly one face ("I am a kicked, angsty puppy") and bless his heart, it gets so tiresome. As evil Angel, he is so expressive, dynamic and terrifyingly creative in his badness. And I love his weird threesome energy with Spike and Drusilla. But also, it's so hard to watch Buffy suffer as she deals with her evil boyfriend doing evil things. Her ultimate choice in this episode, to kill Angel even as Willow's spell restores his soul, gave me some real big feels! Also, this episode marks the first moment of Willow doing big, plot-shifting magic on her own, solidifying her transformation from computer nerd to witch! 

Also, shout-out to the many good smaller moments in this episode: Spike making awkward small talk with Buffy's mom, Buffy constantly dunking on Principle Snyder, and Giles being tortured by visions of Miss Calendar (RIP Miss Calendar, I was your biggest fan.)

"Becoming" is an excellent season finale and the kind of Buffy episode I imagine I will want to re-watch in the future just for nostalgia's sake.

[theydontknowaboutusimagines]

The Set Up - Harry Styles One Shot (Part 6)

Part 1    Part 2    Part 3     Part 4   Part 5  

**

The 10th anniversary issue of The Mixtape was now on newsstands and the response from your loyal readers as been amazing. Everyone was taking to social media talking about it and adding their favorite memories. Things in the office were a bit slower now, but there was still plenty of work to do. Booking artists for interviews and covers, pitching article ideas, and new themed issues. 

Your relationship was still in the honeymoon phase, but you knew at some point soon that would most likely fade away. Especially since he was starting tour in less than a week. You two still had yet to have a conversation about what it would entail in regards to your relationship. Would there be rules or expectations for one another? Would there be days that go where you two wouldn’t speak? How would you handle a disagreement? 

There was so much unknown information that you were a little worried. You had already wrote down every single tour date in your calendar, trying to match up with your own schedule so that you could fly out for a week at a time. You also made sure to note any of his off weeks, so that you didn’t overbook yourself for when he was home. 

Mentally, you are prepared to work as hard and as much as you could while he was gone, so that you were able to take off when you needed it. Of course, you knew that you couldn’t work yourself to death, but the motivation was there. You were at the office, going through a hoard of emails when your boyfriend poked his head in the office, holding two cups of coffee and a muffin. 

“Hey,” You smiled getting up from your desk. “What are doing here?” 

“Just thought I’d pop in and see my girl,” he smiled. “And bring her a little something.” 

“I was just about to grab a refill, so thank you,” you smiled taking one of the cups from him. 

“I figured,” he smiled putting his hand on your waist. 

You smiled giving him a quick kiss, “So, what’s on your agenda today?” 

“I’m having lunch with my sister,” he said leaning against your desk. 

“Oh, that’ll be fun,” you said sipping your coffee.

“Yeah, I try to spend a little bit more time with her before tour, since it’ll be a while till I’m able to see her,” he said. “She doesn’t come out on tour much anymore.” 

“Hm, that’s nice,” you smiled. “I remember her taking about it being weird for her, not always getting to talk or see you.” 

He nodded, “Sometimes the time differences get in the way or our schedules. We at least will text here and there. In fact, sometimes we talk more while I’m tour than when I’m not,” he laughed. 

You nodded, “Interesting.” 

“Hey, but don’t worry,” he said. “That won’t happen with us. Don’t tell Gem, but I’d much rather talk to you, over her,” he winked. 

You laughed, “I will definitely not tell her that or she’ll kick your ass.” 

“That she would,” he laughed. “Oh, there is another reason, I stopped by because I talked to my Mum this morning and she wants me to come stay with her for a few days. I usually do that as well before tour, sometimes she comes here and stays with me or Gem, others I go up there. She also wanted me to invite you.” 

“Oh, I’d love to go,” you smiled. “But only if you want me to go. I don’t want to impose on a mother son time.” 

“You won’t be, besides I feel like she’d be happier spending time with you than me,” he laughed. 

“Just let me know the dates and I’ll make sure everything’s good to go here,” you said. 

“Will do,” he smiled. “Oh, one more thing and I’ll let you get back to work.” 

“Yes?” You giggled. 

“Stay over tonight?” He asked. “I missed having my favorite breakfast this morning.” 

You looked at him confusion on your face, causing him to laugh, “You, baby,” he smirked. 

“Behave!” You laughed. 

“It’s true though,” he said. “I have to get it while I can before I have to go without it.” 

“Well, when you put it that way,” you smirked wrapping your arms around his shoulder, “I’ll be at your place as soon as I’m finished here.. and who says we have to wait until breakfast.” 

“I love the way you think,” he smirked pressing his lips against yours.

**

Harry left your office and headed straight to where he was meeting his sister. His mind was already thinking what would be taking place that nigh once you arrived at his home and he knew he needed to put that on the back burner before lunch with his sister. So, instead he thought about how your face at looked when he mentioned the tour and lack of communication with his family. 

Looking back, he probably shouldn’t have said what he did because while you were trying to hide it he could tell it bothered you. He really need to talk to you about what to expect on tour, but every tour was different, every relationship was different. To be fair, he hadn’t had many experiences with relationships on tour and they all obviously didn’t end well. In the past, he either didn’t have a super serious relationship with someone while on tour or he just didn’t even bother. 

That was mostly the younger side of him, still getting used to both the new found limelight and hectic schedule both on and off tour. But he really wanted this relationship to work with you. Going into it, he knew it was mostly a bad idea to pursue anything knowing he was leaving in a few months time, but he couldn’t help it. There was a undeniable connection he felt with you, even if in the beginning he tried to deny it. He could have at easily said he didn’t want it to become serious until he came back, but that wasn’t fair to you or to him. 

While he knew he should discuss the tour with you, he was going to keep it to himself a little bit longer. Yes, it was like the pot calling the kettle black because he had been upset with you not telling him about The Mixtape party, but this was different. He was afraid if he told you everything that could go wrong or how hard it could be, that you would freak out and end it before it even began. 

However, would that actually be for the best? Would laying it all out there in the beginning, letting you make the choice of sticking it out or walking away, help prevent him from getting his heartbroken yet again? Sure, it would fucking suck, losing you now, but at least it would be before he had fallen head over heels in love with you. 

Which, honestly, wouldn’t be too long now. It was crazy to think that way, he knew it. You two were still in the honeymoon phase, so it was mostly infatuation still, but he could honestly say he never felt what he was feeling with anyone else. Even people he dated long term. Maybe it was because you knew his family or maybe it was because you two were “made” for each other. 

He didn’t necessarily believe in love at first sight or soulmates, but he did believe that there was someone who fit in your missing piece. Someone who made you feel complete, who standing next to him for years to come, and he could see you as that person. Now, that his mind was a little more clearer he headed into the restaurant grabbing a table for two. 

“You’re late,” Harry smirked when his sister finally arrived. 

“By two bloody minutes,” she rolled her eyes. “I can count on both hands and  foot how many times you’ve been late.” 

“I believe that’s a bit of an exaggeration,” he said. 

“Except it’s not,” she laughed. 

“Anyway, I ordered us drinks,” he said. 

“Drinks, or drinks,” she smirked. 

“The former,” he said. “No one needs you drunk at eleven am.” 

She rolled her eyes shaking her head, “Now, let’s get down business.” 

“Let me guess, you’re going to grill me about Y/N this entire time, right?” He sighed dramatically. 

“Yeah, I am,” she said. “Neither of you have given me any information! I know you two are seeing each other and you were all lovey fucking dovey at The Mixtape party the other night, so just fucking tell me already.” 

“Tell you what?” He smirked. “That we’re fucking?” 

“Ew! What? No, I do not need to know that,” she said. “If it was Y/N and anyone else, I’d be all for the details, but not when it’s with my baby brother.” 

He laughed shaking his head, “Um, so does this mean she’s talked to you about details of her sexual past before?” 

“Yeah, I’m not going there,” she said. 

“What? It’s a question. I’m not asking for details. I’d rather not know them, actually,” he said. “I just want to know if you two did talk about that before...” 

“Yes, I mean it’s not like we sit down and have a formal tea and chat about it, but it’s been mentioned before usually when drinks involved,” she said. 

“Hmpf,” he mumbled. 

“Don’t be doing that,” she said. 

“Doing what?” He asked all innocently. 

“Getting jealous over past relationships,” she said. “It’s not like she’s the only person you’ve shagged either, yet you don’t see her trying to get information.” 

“Whatever. I’m not getting jealous, one, and two, I’m not asking for information, I was just asking a simple question,” he said. 

“Yeah, and denial is just a big fat river in Egypt,” she rolled her eyes. 

“No, by The Nile River is,” he smirked. 

“For fuck’s sake, just answer my previous question,” she groaned. “Are you and Y/N together yet?” 

“If you’re asking whether she’s my girlfriend, then yes, the answer is yes,” he said. 

“Yes! I fucking knew it,” she smirked. “When you two get married, please be sure to thank me. I take cash, checks, gift cards.” 

He rolled his eyes, “Shouldn’t you just be happy that both your best friend and brother are happy?” 

“Oh, I am. Extremely happy, but I can also be ecstatic that once again I was right,” she smirked. 

Harry laughed taking a bite of his just delivered food. 

“So, tour,” Gemma said after a bit. “How are you feeling about that?” 

“Excited, nervous, the usual feelings,” he said. 

“How Y/N’s feeling about the tour?” she asked. 

“Um, I don’t really know her exact feelings,” he said. “We’ve not talked about it.” 

Gemma sighed looking at him, “You leave next week.” 

“I know, I know,” he sighed. “It just hasn’t really come up.” 

“Because you haven’t brought it up,” Gemma said. “You need to talk to her about it, ASAP.” 

“Why are you so adamant about this?” Harry asked. “Did she say something?” 

“Look, I’m not going to get in between the two of you, I promised her I wouldn’t, but I will say this,” she said. “Just talk to her, please. Reassure her that things will be okay and that you two will work things out if they don't.” 

“Is she worried it’s not going to work out?” He asked. “Gem, you can’t just tell me this shit half ass, please tell me.” 

“Fuck me,” she groaned. “Before the two of you became official, she was a little hesitant on some things when it came to do the tour. She didn’t know how you felt about getting in or having a relationship on tour. She also may have asked about your other relationships and I might have told her there weren’t many to begin with and that the ones that were, there were problems.” 

“Bloody hell, Gemma, why would you tell her that?” He sighed. 

“Because it’s the truth, which she should have heard for you,” she pointed out. “So, that’s why I’m telling you to just sit down and have an honest conversation with her.” 

He sighed sitting back in his seat, “Yeah, I’ll talk to her.” 

**

Harry stared at the food in the skillet as it cooked, his mind wandering off to his talk with his sister. Ever since he left lunch with her, his mind raced with all sorts of thoughts. What if you were second guessing being with him and his fear of you walking out was bound to happen? He also wondered what else you talked to his sister about. He knew she would never break your trust, even if she slightly did during lunch, but if it was anything bigger, he knew she would never spill. 

He understood why and he would never intentionally ask or invade your privacy like that, but it still didn’t make the possibilities of conversations lead his mind. He heard the buzzer at the gate, signaling that you had arrived. He had given you the guest code, so you were able to get in, but it still alerted him when someone had arrived. He was thankful for that in that moment because it gave him time to try and clear his mind and put on a front that everything was okay until he had to bring up the topic of conversation. 

The doorbell rang, “It’s open!” He shouted from the kitchen. 

 A few seconds later, the front door opens and he could instantly smell your perfume. He smiled a bit knowing you were there, but deep down there was a feeling in his gut. 

“Hey, baby,” you smiled walking into the kitchen. “Dinner is smelling amazing.” 

“Thank you,” he smiled. “It should be ready in a bit.” 

You smiled wrapping your arms around his waist and given him a kiss, “Hm, how was lunch with Gem?” 

“Well, our conversation was centered around you,” he said. 

“Ah, so I take you finally told her we’re together?” You asked. 

“I did,” he said. “She told me we better thank her if we ever get married,” he laughed. 

“She would,” you laughed. 

“How was the rest of your day?” He asked. “Everything good at the office?” 

“Well, everyone was certainly in good moods thanks to the hoards of coffee, bagels, and muffins, my boyfriend dropped off today,” you laughed. 

“Happy everyone enjoyed it,” he smiled. 

You kissed his cheek, “Do you need any help?” 

“No, I’m good,” he said. 

“Okay, then I’m going to go freshen up and change, I’ve had enough of these tight ass for the day,” you laughed. 

He smirked, “Your ass definitely looks good in them though.” 

You laughed, “I’ll be right back.” 

He nodded giving you one more kiss before letting you go and head into the bedroom. He sighed, taking a deep breath before putting the food onto plates and taking it over to the table. Less than five minutes went by when you returned wearing leggings and an old concert t-shirt. 

“Just in time,” you smiled sitting down. 

“Want some wine?” He asked. 

“Actually, I think I’m just going to have some water,” you said. 

He nodded bringing over a glass of water before joining you at the table. 

Dinner was usually quiet only the sounds of forks clinging and glasses being placed on the table. You could tell something was off and you wondered what had happened between this morning and now. The only thing would be his lunch with Gemma and with him saying they talked about you. 

“You know despite Gemma’s previous warning, you aren’t that terrible of a cook,” you smirked looking over at him. 

He playfully glared at you with a laugh, but you could tell it was forced. When both of you were finished, you took your plate into the kitchen, “I’ll clean up,” you smiled. 

“You don’t-” he said. 

“No, I don’t, but I want to,” you smiled. “Then I’ll meet you over on the couch.” 

“Okay,” he nodded. 

After you finished cleaning up the kitchen, you poured yourself a glass of wine before going over to the couch where Harry was sitting. 

“So, you want to tell me what’s bothering you?” You asked turning to face him. 

“What do you mean?” He asked sipping his wine. 

“You know what I mean,” you said. “You’re acting different, standoffish a little. You barely said anything during dinner and now you won’t even look at me. Did I do something?” 

He sighed putting the glass of wine on the coffee table, “I want you to be honest with me, did you think about not pursing a relationship with because of me going on tour?” 

“Gemma?” you sighed. 

“Don’t-Don’t be upset with her, she didn’t really say those exact words, but I sort of got the feeling that’s where she was going,” he said. 

You sighed, “I didn’t say those exact words either,” you said. “We had this conversation before we even got together. It was while you were New York, she asked me how things were going and if I saw us going somewhere. I told her, I didn’t know because I didn’t know if you even wanted it to go somewhere because you would be going on tour.” 

“Why would you think that?” He asked. 

“I don’t know, I don’t know how that works,” you said. “I mean, maybe you don’t like having to worry about having someone back at home, having to make time to call them or something...” 

“What do you mean not worry about having someone back at home?” He asked. “What do you think I fuck around or something?” 

“What? No, I don’t-” you said. 

“Then what?” He said. “It makes no fucking sense on why you would think I would’t want a girlfriend just because I’m going on tour.” 

“Well, in case you forgot, you said it yourself just this morning, that you even have a hard time staying in touch with your family,” you said. “So, it does make sense that I would think you wouldn’t want another person to add to that list.” 

“Touring is part of my life, Y/N,” he said. “If I thought that way, then I’d never have a girlfriend, or ever get married unless I quit that part of my life and I don’t ever see myself doing that. Not until I’m dead or people stop coming to my shows, which ever happens first.” 

“We had just met, Harry, we had only been on one date and had a few phone conversations,” you said. “How was I supposed to know any of that? I didn’t even know what was going to come of us anyway.” 

“Oh, so you didn’t think we’d get together? Why?” He asked.

“Damnit, Harry,” you sighed. “Did you? Listen to yourself, this conversation with Gemma happened months ago. And for the record, you’re worried about that conversation, yet you’ve done nothing in the present to set my mind at ease about you going on tour and what that means for us.” 

“What are you worried about?” He asked. “Why are you freaking out about it?” 

“Because my boyfriend is about to leave for months on end and I don’t know how often I’ll get to see him or talk to him,” you said. “And that maybe, just maybe, since I won’t be around, he’ll forget about me and all of this will have been for nothing.” 

“How can you think that?” He asked. “I don’t know what you’ve experienced before in your past relationships, but I’m not some sort of fucking out of sight, out of mind person. If I’m with you, you’re all I’m thinking about. I don’t care if it’ll be two days or two fucking months since seeing or speaking with you, I will still be thinking about you.” 

“You say that now,” you said. “But you don’t know how you’ll feel two months from now.” 

He shook his head, “If anyone should be worried about it’s me,” he said. “How do I know that you won’t be the one looking for something else with me gone, huh? You could easily meet someone here, who would sweep you off your feet, someone who could be at your beck and call all the fucking time and not thousands of miles away. So, if there should be anyone worried about being in  relationship while I’m tour, it’s me.” 

“Oh, so now you think I’m going to be the one who fucks around on you?” You asked.

Harry didn’t say anything, but his silence said enough. 

“Wow,” you laughed darkly. “Never once did I think you would actually cheat on me because I trust you, but apparently you don’t trust me. So, you know what, I’m just going to leave and go back to my flat, while you figure you own shit out, but just know, I refuse to be with someone who doesn’t trust me.” 

Harry sighed, not saying anything, as your grabbed your bag to leave. You paused at the door, hoping he would say something, but he didn’t, so you walked away. 

And he let you. 

**

The next morning you were pissed, beyond pissed, so you got up first thing to head into the gym. Your trainer was there waiting for you with a punching bag and your gloves. You had waited up most of the night, wondering if Harry would call you to talk things over, but not even a single text message was sent your way. 

“Rough night?” He asked while he taped up your hand and wrist. 

“Didn’t get much sleep,” you sighed. 

“So, that’s why I received a text at two in the morning,” he laughed. 

“Yep, thought I might need to punch some shit around,” you said. 

“That’s what I’m here for,” he smirked. “Just don’t mess up the money maker.” 

“I’d never,” you joked. “On purpose, at least.” 

Over an hour later, you were drenched with sweat and your muscles were on fire. 

“Bloody hell, who pissed you off,” he said shaking his head. 

You sighed chugging down some water, ignoring his question. 

“Let me guess, boy troubles?” He asked. 

“How’d you know?” You said sitting next to him, wiping your face down with a towel. 

“I’ve had my share of ‘em,” he laughed. 

“I bet,” you laughed. 

“So, want to share?” He asked. 

“Let’s just say we’re experiencing our first fight,” you said. 

“Ah, the honeymoon phase is over,” he said. 

“I wouldn’t say completely over, just paused at the moment,” you said. 

“Well, punching the shit out of a bag and my hands, will help a bit,” he said. “But you know what actually will help.” 

“Sitting around a campfire and talking our shit out?” You scoffed. 

“Yes,” he laughed. “And then makeup sex, lots and lots of makeup sex.” 

“I take it you’ve had a fair share of that, too,” you smirked. 

“Yep,” he grinned. 

“I better get going,” you said. “I need to shower, change, and get to the office.” 

“And call the boyfriend,” he asked.

“At some point,” you said. 

**

Harry knew he fucked up as soon as you saw you walking out of the door. He knew he should have went after you, brought you back inside, and talked all that shit through. But he didn’t. He knew he should have called you, even texted you, to make sure you got home okay, but he didn’t. He tossed and turned in his bed all night. Your perfume still lingered in the air. 

Once the sun lit through his bedroom room, he decided to just get out of bed. He put on some jogger pants, his trainers, and a hoodie before making his way into the kitchen to make himself some coffee. He looked at his phone wondering if you had sent him anything, but there was nothing. Not that he blamed you. 

He needed to make this right, if there was ever a chance the two of you to come out of this still together. But first, he needed to clear his mind and to do that he needed to run. He put on some music, grabbed his keys, and headed out. Usually, he just ran a few times throughout his neighborhood, staying close, but that day he ended up running further and further away until he was standing outside of your office building. 

It wasn’t entirely too far from his house, but further than he had run one way before. He saw you from the other side of the street, walking up the street, and into the building. He fought the urge to walk over to you for two reasons. He knew talking about last night at your job was not good for either one of you and two because he really wished he could kiss you and make it better. 

After realizing he wasn’t going to actually do anything there, he decided to turn around and head back to his house. When he arrived back, he was dripping with sweat, after downing an entire glass and a half of water, he headed up to take a shower. He leaned his hands against the wall as he let the water rush over him. His mind wander to you and the situation again. 

He still didn’t know how to make this right, but he knew someone who could help him figure it out. 

By that afternoon, Harry had driven to his mother’s house, a few days earlier than planned. He hadn’t told her much, just that he wanted to be there a few days ahead of time. When she had mentioned you, he simply said it was because you couldn’t get off work, which technically wasn’t a lie. 

When he arrived, he brought his bags into his room, before meeting his mother in the backyard for some snacks. Harry grabbed some cookies to nibble on while his mother looked over at him. 

“What happened?” she said. 

“What? Can’t a loving son come and visit his mother without there being anything wrong?” He asked

“Normally, yes,” she said. “But you can’t hide anything from me. I can see it in your eyes that something’s up. Did something happen between you and Y/N?” 

He sighed, “We had our first fight last night.” 

“I can’t say that I didn’t see that coming,” she sighed. 

“Oh, but you and Gemma were just so sure we’re meant to be,” he rolled his eyes. 

“I didn’t mean it like that,” she said. “I meant that the honeymoon, fairy tale love phase doesn’t last forever. All relationships have shit they go though, it’s what makes them grow. You don’t have to tell me what happened in detail if you don’t want to, but I will say the one way this works out for you two is if you talk through it. The way you handle a fight or an argument is what will make or break your relationship.” 

“So, you’re saying coming up here was a mistake?” He asked. 

“No, I’m not,” she said. “What I am saying, is you should call Gemma and have her bring Y/N up, so you two can talk it out.” 

He sighed nodding. 

“Now, do it,” she said. 

“Yes, Mum,” he said. 

**

Everything happened so fast, you don’t even remember how you got in the car and was on your way up to Anne’s house. All you remember is Gemma calling and telling you to back a bag. Gemma could be very scary and persuasive when she wanted something. You figured it had to with what was going o between you and Harry and while you thought it should stay between the two of you, you knew she wouldn’t know anything about it unless Harry had told her. 

At least he was talking to someone about it. What you didn’t see coming was that she was driving you up to Anne’s house, which Anne knew something was up. You didn’t know how this would work between you and Harry if you needed other people to help you work out your shit, especially when it was your first fight. During the drive, neither your or Gemma really said anything. 

It felt awkward, but you really didn’t know what to say. You couldn’t exactly blame Gemma for what happened, but part of it was a little bit her fault. When you arrived at Anne’s house, you felt nervous, not sure what you were walking into. Either you would be able to work things out and move on, or things would be over before they even really started. And you knew you wouldn’t be able to handle the latter, especially when your only way back home was either with Gemma or Harry. 

Harry’s legs bounced up and down in anticipation as he waited for you to arrive. He wasn’t even sure how it happened, but Gemma was able to get you to come with her. He wasn’t sure how this was going to go or how you would respond to having to sort everything out at his mother’s house. God, he felt like a stupid, immature child, running to his mother’s house. 

What if you thought the same way, but surely if you did, you wouldn’t have agreed to come. He heard a car pulling up in the driveway and he knew it was you. Anne had already said she and Gemma would leave for a few hours, so that you two could work this through without an audience. He just hoped that things would get worked out. 

The backdoor opened and he turned around seeing you standing there.  

“Hey,” he whispered. 

“Hi,” you whispered back. 

“Um, do you want to have a seat? Want some water or something?” He asked. 

You shook your head, “I want to know why I’m here.” 

“Because you and I both know we need to talk about what happened last night,” he said. 

“And we couldn't have done that in London?” You said. “Or last night? You know instead of just letting me walk out, you had to drive up here and then have your sister bring me up here? What the fuck, Harry!” 

“I know! I know, okay, I fucked up,” he said. “Both last night and doing all this, but I just... I needed some time to think and I came up here to see my Mum, since I was already coming up soon anyway. We talked a bit and then I asked Gem if she could get you up here because I figured you wouldn’t come on your own.” 

“That’s pretty fucked up you know,” you snapped. “And the fact that you could talk to other people about last night, but not me, how do you think that makes me feel especially after you accused me of being the one to fuck up the relationship.” 

“I didn’t fucking say that!” He snapped back. 

“Yeah, well maybe not in those words exactly, but the imply was fucking there,” you said. 

“For fuck’s sake, I’m trying to make this better between us,” he shouted. 

“Well, shit isn’t going to get better unless we actually talk shit through!” You shouted. 

“Fine! Fine, if we’re going to talk, can we just stop yelling for five damn minutes!” He sighed. 

“Fine,” you said. 

“Good,” he responded. 

Both of you stood there trying to calm down for a bit. Harry ran his hand through his hair before looking back over at you. 

“Look, I’m sorry,” he said. “for everything, I know that’s not going to make everything go away, but-” 

“It’s a start,” you sighed. 

“I know,” he nodded. 

“Did you really mean it?” You asked. “Do you really think I would just forget about you and find someone else?” 

“It wouldn’t be the first time,” he sighed. 

You sighed walking closer to him placing your hand on his shoulder. The closer you got, you could see the hurt, worry, and tears in his eyes. 

“I like you,” you whispered. “A lot.. hell, more than I’ve probably liked anyone, this fast before. When I’m with you, I’m happy. You make me laugh, you make me smile, you make me feel stupid butterflies in my stomach. There is no one else that could ever make me feel like that and even if there was, I wouldn’t want them. I only want you.” 

“You say that now,” he whispered. 

“Yeah, I do,” you said. “And I’m going to say that tomorrow and the next day and probably in the next two months and beyond that. Neither of us know what’s going to happen the future, that’s why we have to trust one another and communicate with each other, we’ll be set.” 

He put his hands on your face, looking into your eyes, “I know I overreacted, but I just... the thought of losing you scares the shit out of me. I’ve never felt this way about anyone and I don’t want to lose how I feel whenever I’m around you or think about you.” 

“You’re not going to lose me,” you whispered. “Not unless you keep saying stupid shit,” you laughed a bit. 

He laughed a smile tugging at his lips before placing his forehead against yours, “And you’re not going to lose me, either. I’m not going to forget about you, I could never,” he whispered. 

“Well, I am pretty rememberable,” you smirked. 

He laughed, “A little bit, yeah.” 

“I think we both know it’s more than a little bit,” you smirked. 

“Does this mean we’re okay?” He whispered pushing hair away from your face. 

“It means we’re going to be okay,” you whispered. “I can’t just get over it and I don’t expect you to either, but this is a start that we need to get over it.” 

He nodded, “I’m sorry I made you come up here... If you want to go back to London, I’ll pay for you to go back.” 

“No, it’s okay,” you said. “I don’t mind staying unless you don’t want me too.” 

“I want you to stay,” he smiled. 

You nodded, “So, um... Gem said her and your mum were leaving for a few hours,” you said. 

“Yeah, Mum wanted to give us space to talk it out,” he said. 

“Well, we’ve only used about an hour and half for this conversation... so I’d assume they won’t be back for at least another hour or so, right?” You smirked. 

“I’d assume you’re right,” he said. “Where are you going with this?” He laughed. 

“Why don’t you take me up to the bedroom and find out,” you smirked. 

“Are you sure?” He asked. “We don’t-” 

“Oh, well, I mean... if you’re not hungry, we can just sit on the couch, watch netflix or something,” you said innocently. 

“Fuck that,” he laughed picking you up and throwing you over his shoulder. 

“What are you doing?” You laughed holding onto his shirt. “I could have walked.” 

“Just getting you used to this mode of transportation ,” he smirked. “Because you won’t be able to walk by the time we’re finished.” 

“That a promise?” You smirked. 

“Oh, I always keep my promises, babe,” he said. 

And with that you both went up to his the bedroom, where he fact, kept his promise, which would eventually make for an awkward family dinner later that night. 

**

Sooo... I’m thinking the next part will be the set up for him going on tour and then maybe having a second serious of them dealing with being on tour together... what do y’all think?