#two of those three are in a ‘renting’ system where i just give them to my friends and make them give me twenty bucks if they loose it

[merriclo]

we’re cleaning out the attic that’s just chuck full of all this random shit, and my dad came up to me w a bin full of electronic stuff and went “this is all nintendo. you know nintendo. go crazy.” and guess. guess what i fucking found.

a functioning gameboy, an a link to the past cartridge, and a four swords cartridge.

those have been in my attic for months and i had no fucking clue. what the hell. i am going to scavenge this goddamn house now.

[mockiatoh]

My biggest frustration with the left has always been the inability/unwillingness to work on making progress inside of the system while advocating for greater change.

I remember the first time I came to this realization.

I was nineteen, pregnant. We couldn’t afford to heat the house because we couldn’t afford the deposit to turn the gas on. It was miserably cold. The duplex we were renting was old and rickety and drafty. The window frames were messed up and there were cracks you could stick your finger through that were open to the elements.

Just, like, to give you an idea where we were financially. And this was better than we’d been doing before!

Anyway, I had recently started going to DSA meetings. And that month, they were talking about how a moderate democrat had successfully gotten a small increase in WIC benefits monthly. It came out to, like, $10 a month.

The members talking—mostly male, almost all doing decent—were scornful. The democrat should have pushed harder and gotten more, refused to accept anything until everyone else caved to their demands. I remember sitting there, quietly drinking the latte in the smallest size they had that I had bought with scrounged quarters, listening. Wishing it wasn’t held in an indie coffee shop because it was a luxury I really couldn’t afford, but it would be rude not to. Enjoying the coffee anyway.

I was one of the lucky ones who was getting that additional $10 a month through WIC. Even more exciting, we were now getting a voucher for the farmers’ market. I casually mentioned that WIC recipients would now be getting farmers’ market vouchers, too.

The guy who organized the meetings was a hard worker, passionate guy. Did something in tech.

He was like, “That’s the thing! These people don’t want farmers market vouchers. They want—” and he went on to describe a bunch of pie in the sky desires. That, yeah, sounded good.

But one. I was one of those people! A lot if the tamiles were super excited about it, myself included.

I had never been to a farmers’ market before. I tried arugula for the first time, a piece pulled from a bunch by the grower as he explained the flavor difference. I hadn’t known before then that different lettuce greens had different flavors, that it was more than just the texture and shape. I tried pesto, which delighted me. Goat cheese. I got three full pounds of strawberries for two dollars, since they were closing soon and the old man selling the berries got a kick out of me.

Anyway. It was like, you have a decent life. Not great but decent! The things that are life changing for me, for us… you already have.

The ten dollars at the grocery store made the difference between a meal of broken-noodles-with-some-half-horrible-pantry-scraps and a meal. It kept me full and healthy! And the additional farmers’ market voucher was world changing for me.

The democrat who worked for those things barely got them through. And it was means tested to hell and back. They weren’t able to get everything they wanted. But what they got made such a huge difference for me, for people like me.

[atiny-for-life]

Ateez's Full Storyline Explained - Part 26

Masterlist

Golden Hour: Part 1 - Diary Entries:

Z disappeared, leaving the Z World in the hands of the Black Pirates and Thunder who established a new system in which people can choose to free themselves from the emotional control

Some choose freedom, some choose to remain under the chips' control, creating a two faction system - coexistence is possible and rather peaceful

Everyone now knows of Ateez but, instead of staying and letting themselves be celebrated, Ateez choose to leave the Z World in the hands of those who love and care for it, the ones who fought for it

With all the positive feelings still lingering in them, they dream together once again

Hongjoong

Three years pass, they gather their savings, rent an affordable practice room for dancing and singing and accept this world (the A World) in which no one knows them while remembering the world in which they were heroes

However, reality is a bitch and quickly catches up to them

In a capitalistic world, it takes money to make your dreams come true and, quite quickly, that becomes apparent

They barely meet anymore, maybe once or twice a year, and even then only some of them show up (being an adult sucks)

Hongjoong misses them, wants to just spend time with them, but tries to be understanding when they turn him down or fail to come to planned hangouts

While working part time, Hongjoong continues writing in his diary which is how he eventually realizes his memories of the Z-World are fading

To ensure nothing would be lost to time, he creates a blog, documenting their journey and readers begin to pile in, asking for updates and, eventually, a publisher approaches him, offering him a book deal

With a bestseller on the market, Hongjoong gets to hold meet and greets, give lectures, appear on TV, which is how his parents find him and reconnect with him

Ultimately, he now has everything he's been craving and asking for: a family, a career, fame - he should be happy, he has it all

But alone in his room at night, he wonders:

'What is this? This emptiness...' [...] 'Is this what I truly wanted?'

Seonghwa

Hongjoong's book is on Seonghwa's desk, looking at him

A coworker talks about how much his daughter loves it while also insulting it by essentially calling it absurd

Seonghwa can't think of a way to defend it without sounding crazy by revealing his past

Within him, there's still trauma, a world of memories burned into his retina of those poor dead brothers, the Sense Offenders' corpses hung up in the square, all the people who died at the hands of the Android Guardians - he can't forget

He sees them in the streets sometimes, familiar faces, this worlds' versions of the people who died in the Z-World

He still remembers the girl with the 'Be Free' bracelet, the girl who leads Thunder in the Z-World and wonders where she was now in his world and what she would be doing if she were in his position

Figuring she'd tell him to save himself so he could save others, he began focusing on studying, learning about ways to help which helped calm his anxiety, which is how he stumbles upon material regarding an upcoming Candidate Physical Ability Test for the firefighters

He passes, thanks to his regular exercise and dance regiment, knowing it wasn't what he'd dreamed of doing with his life but being able to see and feel he was doing good in the world - the results are tangible

How can he justify giving this up for the vague shared dream of being an idol?

He doesn't receive applause and cheers but he gets the heartfelt gratitude of all the ones he rescues and their families and, thanks to his appearance, he gets selected as the Fire and Disaster Headquarters' yearly calendar model - the photoshoot is nothing but a reminder of the dream he once held onto so tightly

For so long, he had wanted nothing more than to be photographed and seen, but could never make that dream come true... How ironic that he could do so now, but only as a firefighter.

After leaving the set, he returns to his office and picks up Hongjoong's book - it was finally time to read it

Yunho

In Egypt, people gather around a campfire to listen to Yunho's voice and guitar, a song which reminds one of the listeners of a novel they've recently read

While they talk, Yunho wallows in his past

Back in the Z-World, they had a clear enemy, they were united in their goal to defeat him and bring peace, but in A-World, there is no unified villain to strike down

No matter how hard they practiced and busked, he quickly realized regular meetings with all the members wouldn't be achievable for long

This world is colder than Strictland

People want fast intense stimuli, trapped in their short form content feed, no time to watch a full street performance, filming a quick clip they could post to their socials was enough before they moved on

People are apathetic - the laughter and crying comes from their phones but not themselves

Working so hard to put together a song, a choreo, a performance, and never getting spared more than a few seconds of people's time in return was painful, worse than the emotionless faces back in Z-World

Singing and dancing with the members became less and less enjoyable but, whether the others felt the same or not, he doesn't know - they never talked about it

Over time, their meetings become less frequent and his interests change - archaeology is now his prime focus

As Yunho stepped into the ancient pyramid, his thoughts ran wild. Maybe, just maybe, if he could find more otherworldly artifacts, he would be able to travel to another world and go on an adventure with the members once again.

Yeosang

Yeosang built a fortune investing in stock, allowing him to start his own business without being forced to depend on his father

After leaving the Z-World, they all changed, from boys to adults, they had to face a new reality - art, emotions, and dreams are precious but blind belief is dangerous

In this world, art and money go hand-in-hand - while originally created for the rich and noble, new forms of art have also been used by the poor to express emotions, to rebel and protest - the art reflects the power struggle

Right now, money is the biggest obstacle between their group and achieving their dream so Yeosang decided to tackle the problem head on: he reinvented himself, becoming a leader of the investment world - profit in mind but also investing in the arts on the side, even if that meant losing money

One of those investments was Hongjoong's novel.

San

Watching the members go their separate ways one by one was tough - San couldn't stop them but he also couldn't storm out and leave

After a lifetime of constantly moving around, he comes to think drifting may just be written in his life fortune from the start - there was no avoiding it

After another failed practice session, one where half the members hadn't even shown up, he heads out to mope and strikes up a brief conversation with an old man running a snack shop across the street

They talk about dreams, and the old man insists they're less important than sharing love, eating together, and cleaning up their own mess

The words get San thinking

He starts his own food truck and ends up in Jeju where he watches people share food with their loved ones, and gets to sometimes chat with his customers

Through meeting countless people, he quickly learns that most never got to realize their dreams

'So why didn't anyone ever teach us how to live outside of our dreams?' San thought. And he came to an answer of his own. Maybe I need to learn to welcome the reality I've been given, even if it's not the reality I wanted.

Mingi

Despite coming from a broken home, Mingi makes it big, becoming a professional model for a fashion magazine working with high-end designers

When he first started, it was supposed to be a part-time thing, a few bucks on the side, but the magazine blew up and turned him into a high demand model by association

The runway became his stage, his face now plasters street ads and a world famous brand made him their ambassador and calls him their muse

He makes a lot of money, his memories of a childhood in poverty fading, his worries about his grandmother's medical bills a thing of the past

His social media was flooded with adoring comments, his influence far reaching, but when he sees a group of boys busk at the side of the road, he still finds himself hypnotized

At that time, Mingi was overcome with the sense that he had crossed a river he could never cross again. [...] Where Mingi stood now was a place where results and achievements trumped passion and spirit, a place where value could be bought and sold. [...] He couldn't erase that vague feeling of longing.

Opening social media to distract himself, he sees a video of Hongjoong's reunion with his family

Wooyoung

Wooyoung is now a flight attendant (inspired by a drunk hometown friend who told him being on stage wasn't that special - people announcing sales and flight attendants were also giving performances at their jobs)

Looking back, he realizes he wasn't in his right mind when he signed up for flight attendant training, he was just desperate to be on stage somewhere, no matter where and the plane would have to do

After a long time of adrenaline fueled performances in the Z-World amidst that revolution, he now struggles to adjust to being back in the A-World - all the dopamine and adrenaline, the post performance excitement replaced with nothing but dread and anxiety

They couldn't just get back on stage and put on the kind of performances they could in the Z-World - there was no way to build a stage for yourself around here

So yes, deep in his despair, his friend's words offered him an alternative and being a flight attendant sounded like comfort to his growing fear of never being on stage again

While people normally didn't pay attention to the announcement at the start of a flight, Wooyoung's airline was looking to change things by delivering the safety warnings, destination, and flight time as a performance, a song with an accompanying dance number

Eager to volunteer and popular among customers and peers, Wooyoung turned his announcement into a show, grabbing people's attention, earning cheers from everyone

Wooyoung's eyes were drawn to a few people in the crowd who cheered and clapped louder than the rest. It just so happened that Yunho and Mingi were on the exact same plane.

Jongho

Still enraptured by music, Jongho earns his money by recording vocal guides part-time while studying songwriting and musical composition and creating original songs by himself

In the beginning, those songs were meant for his members, giving them something to practice and record together as a group, but being an idol group eventually stopped being feasible so his songs became solos and his career singer-songwriter

He’d already been forced to sacrifice his dream of being a basketball player

He refused to give up on music too

After uploading his songs to MusicCloud for a while, a label approached him, quick to swat his dream of being an idol by asking him to write a song for their upcoming idol group since one of his older songs where he'd sung with his members had grabbed their attention

It was bittersweet but he accepted and, soon, he wasn't just a songwriter but also a vocal coach, a producer - he was okay with staying in the darkness so others could shine on stage

One day, a second year idol group he was working with got into a fight - two members yelling at each other, one wanting to quit and the other shouting about not giving up on your dreams

After several attempts, Jongho finally manages to break up the fight and one of the boys confesses to him he wants to spend more time with his family because they're going through a tough time and being away so much was painful

The conversation reminds Jongho of his fight with Mingi so long ago...

Sitting in the empty recording studio, he played that old group song and raised the volume. The sound of the members' voices pierced through his heart.

[rimouskis]

How do u make your yearly budget ? I remember you posting about your budget spreadsheet once. Pls I am v interested on how you set it up

I simply must ask if you're the FBI agent in my phone, because I genuinely just sent a message to a friend saying how excited I was it's the end of the month, meaning tomorrow I get to start with a fresh new slate in my budget hahaha

alright let's talk:

I don't do a yearly budget, technically! I budget month-per-month. There are lots of styles of budgets—some allowing for a yearly/more Long Term view—but what worked for my income level was a month-based system.

I lurked on r/personalfinance on reddit for a long while and actually pilfered my budget template from there!

I use this one, which I like both because I've used it for five years and because it's just plain ol' simple. I don't need charts to automatically populate and I don't want to categorize every purchase I make. I just want to see how much money I have per month and how much I'm spending.

That's also crucial to how I personally do budgeting. I don't set aside $X for food and $X for activities and $X for going out or whatever every month. That isn't productive to me; my life looks different every month depending on what's going on. I don't use my budget to be prescriptive; outside of my fixed expenses (rent, utilities, etc.) I just use my budget to track 1. where my money is going and 2. how much of it I have left.

If you want something with a bit more frills, there are lots of other options (one, two, three) on reddit, but I've [personally] found all their bells and whistles overwhelming. If they have useful features you want to use (like, some will have tabs for you to track debt and payments toward it), you can experiment with them, but I don't recommend them for someone new to budgeting.

...I also don't inherently recommend my preferred spreadsheet, either. It doesn't work for everyone. I've shown it to some friends and they almost immediately knew it wouldn't work for them. The reason it works for me is because I am kind of neurotic about budgeting.

To me, "peace of mind" is maintained by having a really close eye on my finances. That means that I track what I spend daily. I manually input every purchase into the spreadsheet. I manually put every paycheck into the spreadsheet. I keep the Google Sheets app on my phone for this very purpose.

That isn't something everyone's willing to do, and there's no shame in that—we all find the different tools that work best for us! But if you don't think you're able to keep up with manually tracking every cent you make and spend, I don't think that this method will be good for you.

If you need more automation in your budgeting, where you can get things autofilled and so on and so forth, I would have pointed you towards Mint, which I've heard good things about, but it's sadly shutting down this March. The article I linked provided an alternate recommendation, but I can't personally vouch for any of those services.

I've been tempted by YNAB a time or two — I like the idea that they intentionally work you towards living off of old paychecks instead of the money you earn month-of [which is a financial goal we should ALL strive for, even though it can be very hard], and I like that they encourage giving every dollar a "job", but you don't NEED their service to do either of those things. I don't like paying money to save money, you know? lol

I keep a secondary, simple spreadsheet with my "rolling funds" in it — money I set aside every month (which I input as a monthly "expense" in my normal spreadsheet) which I allocate to specific funds, like car funds, travel funds... I even had a "hockey game fund" for a few years, haha.

I prefer that method to paying for a service to do it for me. I'm sure YNAB has some nice bells and whistles, and it's clear MANY people love being integrated into their system, which has some automated bits that definitely make budgeting "easier," but I like Ye Olde Spreadsheet. Having to input every purchase keeps me accountable, I feel. Also it sometimes discourages me from spending money, haha, which is probably a good thing in the long run.

idk. I'm a huge advocate for budgeting. I know it can be really hard for some people, but I sincerely think there's some budgeting method out there that will work for you, you know? I credit my budget spreadsheets for keeping my head above water during the many times where money was/is tight. Knowledge is power and all that.

Not to sound like a #girlboss shilling my financial advice on tiktok (of which there are too many), but being aware of where your money is going is sincerely the biggest, most important step you can take towards building financial safety for yourself. My budget saved my ass this last year.

If you have any other questions, shoot them my way. I know it can seem daunting, but I totally think it's worth it! <3

[yurimother]

LGBTQ Manga Review - I Can't Believe I Slept With You Volumes 2 & 3

ALMOST the perfect queer, subtle, and sensual Yuri romance

I love subtility. The hidden motives driving characters' actions, the meticulous dissection readers perform on every interaction and line of dialogue, the satisfying climax where all the elements build up and come together in one immaculate narrative web that ties everything up in a massive revelation, and everything else that is the antithesis of that scene in every isekai where they explain the adventure guild ranking system. Its, therefore, a shame that I think Yuri, in general, needs to give subtility a rest for a good few decades after spending the better part of the last century reveling in implied romance and sexuality to the point where the most common question about any particular series is along the lines of "is this really Yuri or just bait." So, I am all in favor of sincere expressions of lesbian identity and love between women. However, I am even more delighted by the rare story that can both incorporate subtext and be unequivocally queer. That is what Miyaka Miyahara's I Can't Believe I Slept With You! almost accomplishes.

I previously reviewed the first volume of the ecchi comedy series and found that, despite an initially extremely skeevy premise that appears to be a landlord sleeping with her tenant who cannot afford rent, it turned out to be a far more profound story about two women helping each other overcome their demons and get more out of life. Throughout the manga, steadily more details about that first stimulating encounter and our characters, the excitable but spacy Chiyo and the more cynical and aloof Landlady (whose name the manga eventually reveals).

Volumes two and three continue this pattern while slowly driving the two women closer together. Miyahara frequently employs small, everyday moments to show the character's effect, like Landlady strutting around their apartment missing Chiyo or watching YouTube videos to learn cooking and makeup for her to demonstrate attachment. At other times, more charged encounters result from the "favors" Landlady and Chiyo partake in to pay off the tenant's debt. While these often begin as more humdrum activities like going to watch the stars or giving a friendly head pat, they quickly escalate as one or the other pushes them towards more sensual activities that test the boundaries of their sexualities and feelings for each other, like a sapphic game of chicken.

I really enjoy these two together just as much as I do individually. The relationship between both women feels natural and, although exaggerated, realistic. I recall doing similar activities with my friends and crushes in my youth, and by the time Chiyo realized her true feelings for her landlady, I believed them, and they came across as genuine. Therefore, the inevitable resulting relationship and more physical aspect of the relationship felt earned and like a reward for both women who got to grow into their unlikely romance and commit to making it work despite their differences and burdens.

The other most successful aspect of I Can't Believe I Slept With You! is its characters' more nuanced story and history. Throughout the series, multiple hints and allusions to previous events and surreptitious circumstances drive their actions and relationship. While the first volume ended with a revelation about what actually happened that first night, there is more to that story and, indeed, to their relationship prior that we become privy to as the series closes. Miyahara's ability to hinge the manga on their one-night stand and continuously recontextualize it and the women's feelings about it by slowly hinting at subsequently unveiling new details is fantastic.

Furthermore, the characters' actions, particularly those of Landlady, are similarly well plotted. Throughout the manga, there are several references to traumatic events of her past, likely to do with her family, which colors her interactions with Chiyo. As she explains, she initially tried to push Chiyo away, which I have a hard time believing, considering that they slept together during one of their first encounters. Landlady is clearly suffering from internalized homophobia, which is very well done. We see that she is open about her sexuality, even at one point confessing that she is a "lesbian" (yay, a Yuri manga that uses the word!) but doing so in an "I bet that disgusts you, doesn't" it" way.

Landlady's internalized homophobia also explains her resistance to Chiyo's advances and the guilt she feels over both taking advantage of Chiyo and sleeping with her and for, in her mind, dragging the older woman, who identifies as straight for most of the series, into a relationship with other people. Landlady's failures to push Chiyo away compound this guilt, as, despite her best efforts, Landlady is powerfully attracted to her. She cannot help but participate in more suggestive and romantic interactions.

Unfortunately, Landlady's journey also gives way to the series' greatest flaw; some mild spoilers here; we never learn about the event that traumatized her. We can surmise what happened: She undoubtedly fell out with her family over her sexuality. However, the manga continuously alludes that there was one singular occurrence, one tipping point that was the catalysis of both her demeanor and her fateful meeting with Chiyo, during which, in anger, she declares, "then have sex with me" (which even if said in the depths of misery is still a bizarre and uncomfortable line). A crucial detail, the final reveal that would bring their story full circle, was left missing. While I would excuse or even praise the omission in other works, here, it is a stark, gaping void in the story.

I cannot fathom the reason for the elision. Miyahara demonstrates ridged and thoughtful detail in her characters, so I don't believe for a second that nothing was written or at least in the author's mind about the event. Furthermore, the series has excellent pacing, with the landlady gradually growing closer with Chiyo and the latter woman going on her own wonderful arc discovering her sexuality and accepting that it was okay to be in love with a woman, so I do not believe that the series ran out of time to tell the story. Slept With You is far to well-paced not to have been crafted to fit a specific length. As Miyahara admits in an afterword, they thought about revealing the truth but decided that it is okay for Chiyo to be the only person who knows. The problem is Miyahara already invited us into the most intimate parts of the women's relationship. There are plenty of panels full of thigh and cleavage shots to show that. And, given that their relationship hinges on Landlady crying on the bridge that night. So, despite our involvement in their story, readers are deprived of that detail, and the manga is worse off.

This one admittedly massive detail aside, I liked I Can't Believe I Selpt With You! The characters are lovely and make an excellent, believable couple. They both have a gleeful attitude towards their love and profound yet simple queer experiences falling into it. There are moments, both big and small, that demonstrate the growth both experience and their excitement about each other. My personal favorites are Chiyo realizing she need not explain that her lover is a woman any more than she would describe her partner's gender if she were with a man, her going to her sage lesbian neighbor for advice, and Landlady marking extra spaces off their contract so they can end it and be girlfriends.

Much of what I said in my initial review holds. It is a deep loving story with excellent artwork, although the Landlady's design is too juvenile. Suppose readers can overlook the one unsatisfactory aspect of its ending and clear the admittedly high bar of entry caused by its initial setup and more erogenous content, which only feels earned towards the end of the final volume. In that case, they will experience a beautiful and endearing Yuri. I come away from I Can't Believe I Slept With You feeling delighted by its queerness and characters and warmed by their genuine love, and that is all I can ever ask for in a manga.

Ratings: Story – 7 Characters – 8 Art – 7 LGBTQ – 8 Sexual Content – 9 Final – 8

Check out I Can't Believe I Slept with You! digitally and in paperback today: https://amzn.to/3Z44W9m

Reading official releases helps support creators and publishers. YuriMother makes a small commission from sales to help fund future coverage.

Some of this review is written using review copies provided by Seven Seas Entertainment. Special thanks to translator Faye Cozy and the rest of the team at Seven Seas, including Dawn Davis, Danya Shevchenko, H. Qi, Alyssa Honsowetz, Krista Grandy, and Shanti Whitesides for their work on this manga.

This review is made possible by Avery Riehl and the rest of the YuriMother Patrons. Help support LGBTQ+ media reviews, news, and analysis by checking out the YuriMother Patreon page today.

[omegaremix]

Record Stop shopping list, 2018.

West Sayville’s Vinyl Paradise was the final store I visited before my shoulder surgery in Autumn 2016, leading to nine months out of work on short-term disability. Those nine months allowed me to stay home and cash in weekly benefits until I was ready to return to work. July of last year, however, I depleted my checking and had to borrow against my savings. With the rising cost of rent and the new influx of bills, it would be a long time before putting that lost money back again. I was frustrated in not going back to work but angry that I’d have to wait. Wait, I did, until as luck would have it, three windfalls came into play this past winter. Soon after being told I was getting a company bonus, I had all these ideas in my mind of how to spend the money. The February / March line was the right time to cash in my extra earnings and push them into savings: the bonus, an extra bi-weekly paycheck of the month, and that upcoming tax refund. Just give it two or three weeks, I said, to start celebrating. Two to three weeks to treat yourself and go record-shopping like you wanted to. Get it out of your system.

Before these windfalls, I had the urge to go record-shopping. I tried holding them back, but the urges ultimately won. It was a rainy Saturday with no broadcast and nothing else to do, so I drove to the new Record Stop, once located in Ronkonkoma for most of its’ life until it moved to Shirley as a music warehouse and packaging plant. Last year, it announced its’ move to Patchogue as a full-fledged store again, right behind Main Street.

I walked in and the newly-built location smelt of fresh wood. It was already tight quarters. I look around store and almost not one inch wasn’t covered by shelves packed to the hilt with new CD’s. Wall to wall, corner to corner. They had a back room with more shrink-wrapped CD’s and right in the middle was their own music-DVD section. Aisles were tight with thick vinyl shelves of all genres used and new. I told the guys behind the counter who asked me for assistance that I only was looking and waiting until the bonus kicked in. I lied to myself and the two guys working behind the counter. Five minutes later I was picking through the dollar bins. About eight or nine lower bins of them to be exact. Into bin number five and already I given up looking through whatever used bargain hip-hop vinyl they had. But, they did not disappoint.

Old-school breakdancing, boombox treats, and golden-era 12″ singles; they had good titles for me to fill in the missing gaps of Eighties and Nineties hip-hop. Prime Minister Pete Nice & Daddy Rich, Ahmad and Knucklehedz were three from the Brentwood days I recorded off the radio, so it was nice to have only the singles. I was surprised to find U.T.F.O once touted to me from our resident hip-hop dee-jay Cut Supreme. And maybe I did play Flatlinerz during my white-label hip-hop sets, so that was going home with me. Anything N.W.A. related (DJ Yella) was a non-negotiable, and it was about time I’d take home one of my all-time favorite techno hits in L.A. Style’s “James Brown Is Dead”.

But no trip to the record store would be complete without thumbing through the jazz section. Carmen McRae’s In Person was a Mainstream label title which reminded me of Jack Wilkins’ Windows because it was from that exact same era. Curious as to what they had in funk and fusion, they had enough to my liking nut none to take home. Sadly, Parliament records were priced higher than I’d want to pay for one and so was a copy of The Upsetters’ Space Ape. I was already spending money I didn’t originally plan to. But, aside from all the other new vinyl racks I flew over, there was one more section to check out. The front corner of the store had the used CD section, mostly pop and other releases I would never even consider touching. All hope was not lost, that’s where I scored The Chemical Brothers, Royal Trux, and the Delerium & Sarah McLachlan & DJ Tiesto single just to have.

Short and sweet. Tool’s Lateralus was furiously filling the air. That’s a sign that the end (closing time) was near. I cashed out sweating after two hours digging through Record Stop’s crates, rows, and shelves. At no more than $50.00, it stood to be the least expensive receipt I’d make in a first of a series of ten or so stops. The bonus was yet to hit my bank account but I couldn’t help myself in gearing up for what will be one of the largest spending sprees ever.

Sugarhill Gang “The Lover In You” 12”

Grover Washington Jr. Mister Magic 12"

Carmen McRae In Person 12"

U.T.F.O. “Roxanne, Roxanne” 12”

Ahmad “Back In The Day” 12”

DJ Yella “4 Tha E” 12”

L.A. Style “James Brown Is Dead” 12”

Knucklehedz “Hed Rush” 12”

Flatlinerz “Live Evil” 12”

Blondie “Rapture” 7”

Chemical Brothers Come With Us CD

Royal Trux Thank You CD

Delerium ft. Sarah McLachlan & DJ Tiesto “Silence” CD

Prime Minister Pete Nice & Daddy Rich “Rap Prime Minister & Daddy Rich (Rat Bastard)” 12”

[sissytobitch10seconds]

A Duo of Three

Fandom: Free Guy Summary: He's always been insecure, but he didn't think that he would feel that way towards the first healthy relationship that he's ever been in. Warnings: Insecurity, jealousy, and miscommunication Word Count: 3,485 Ship(s): Millie Rusk/Mouser/Walter "Keys" McKey

Archive link!

A/N: I have finally written a oneshot for every single member of this polycule! I'm not going to put them into a series because I don't think they're connected for that but you can go looking for them if you're interested in reading the Millie or Keys one. Stay sissy and bitchy everyone &lt;3

Mouser had always been somewhat insecure. It came with the territory of being the youngest out of three kids. He was never enough for his parents because he had way too much to live up to, and his siblings had always resented him because they believed that he didn’t have to work as hard to get the approval that they wanted. When he went to school, he began to flourish as a gifted kid, but that was quickly crushed when he moved to college and was around actual peers. 

He thought that he would have been over it by now, but it seems like the universe is always dedicated to proving him wrong. He thought that working for one of the best tech companies in the world (at the time, because it quickly crashed and burned once it could no longer exploit people) and then with the most popular game of their day and age would have given him the confidence that he needed.

Yet, he found himself wallowing in the feeling again, years after he had thought that it would pass. It was like a great black maw had opened up in his belly so that it could suck in every tiny bit of joy that he would have gotten had it been a normal day. In return for the light and warmth that the stomach-sized black hole took from him, it replaced those feelings with a chill and darkness that Mouser wasn’t quite sure how to deal with.

Those feelings felt like they were exploding out of him. They had long since moved out of the tiny apartment that Millie had been renting when they all got together, into a little house in the suburbs where they wouldn’t be flocked with people. It was in a gated community too, so there was a very slim chance of any paparazzi getting past the armed guards at the gate to come and harass them.

He had never seen his life going in that direction when he was younger, even if he had dreamed about being a keynote speaker at some gaming conference or interviewed on late night talk shows. Realistically, there was always something in the back of his mind that told him that would never actually happen. It was something that every kid dreamed of but very few kids actually got to entertain.

Arguably, the only thing that he should be capable of feeling at this stage in his life is grateful for what he had. He grew up watching his parents struggle against the systemic oppression of their country and he had been able to give them a comfortable retirement home and whatever else it was that they had wanted. He had been given the chance to rise on the privilege of others so that he broke a ceiling for other kids like him. He had a comfortable house, a working car, all the food that he liked stocked in his fridge and pantry, friends, a dog that was polite and kind, and two wonderful partners.

But instead of being grateful that he had been given that, he was just nervous that he was going to lose it all. The time when he was twenty and staying in the same apartment as the two developers he was rapidly falling in love with had long since passed. Now they were pushing their mid thirties and they were more successful than he could have ever dreamed.

Their home was comfortable, their friends were kind, they were able to choose to eat out every night if Millie would stop insisting that it was unhealthy. And yet he was still worried that he was inadequate. 

It was something stupid that had brought the massive wave that he was wading his way through currently, something that could easily be cleared up with a tiny bit of communication. It wasn’t the first time that he had felt like that in his relationship and he was sure that it wasn’t going to be the last, but that didn’t make the situation any easier to navigate.

So instead of talking to them about it like the reasonable adult that he was sure was rattling around in his brain somewhere, he woke up early the morning that he could no longer stand feeling like that and walked out to their backyard.

He went out there whenever he was feeling nervous about something because it was grounding. He had lived in one of the biggest cities in America for as long as he could remember, so grass had been a luxury even at the playground of his school. He loved being able to have a very reasonable patch of it in his backyard, though it was mostly reserved for their dog. The rest of the space was supposed to be clover but Keys had never actually gotten around to ordering it from their landscaping company like he always promised to.

The smell of the coffee in the mug he had grabbed before coming out was enough to wake him up, but the burn of it in the back of his mouth was just as grounding as the sun and the grass. It was a beautiful summer day with just enough of an early-morning breeze that he could hear Millie’s lilac tree rustling in the wind. Keys’ fruit trees lined their back fence but hadn’t begun to produce anything yet, instead laden with little green buds.

He hadn’t chosen to put anything in their back garden because he didn’t know what kind of things rich people like them were supposed to grow. Both of his partners had laughed and kissed him on the cheek before they had begun the great rush to get ready for work.

Mouser let out a low breath as he tried to beat back the feelings that had been overwhelming him again. The point of coming outside was to think until Rover woke them, not to wallow.

They had recently cleaned up their little patch of grass, so he was able to sit down on the corner closest to the trees without having to worry about dog debris. He tilted his head up towards the early morning Summer sun so that it was casting the warm beams down directly onto his face. It soothed the ache in his heart at least a little bit and he was reminded of the lecture that Millie had gone on the other day concerning vitamin D and what she had dubbed ‘lizard time’.

He let out a low breath and then tilted his head down towards the cup clutched in his hands. He had to think about everything practically or he was never going to get it out of his head and it would plague him forever. His thoughts felt like a jumbled mess of code that someone had come in and changed without leaving any notes. He was struggling to read it but was also unable to figure out the why and how everything was working.

Two months after Keys and Millie had gotten together, a while after they had gotten the rights to their game back, Mouser had admitted his feelings for the duo and then been brought into their relationship as a third. It was one of the best things that had ever happened to him and he wouldn’t give it up for anything. Something had always bothered him, though, and it wasn’t something that he had discussed with either of his partners up to that point.

Mouser had thought that he had gotten up and slipped out of the house early enough that he would have had at least an hour to himself, but the sliding glass door that led out onto their patio opened and revealed the very people that he was thinking about. Rover darted out of the house and down towards his owner, barking loudly.

“Hey puppy,” Mouser chuckled as he ran his hand over the soft golden hair on the top of his head. They had made an impulse decision when they had adopted a senior pet, but he had immediately gotten the energy of a puppy when he was in a house that actually cared for him and gave him the attention that he needed.

He got a lick to his face for his troubles before Rover ran off to do whatever it was that he did when they let him outside in the morning. Carefully, Mouser tilted his head up so that he could see his partners and take in what they were doing. Millie was dressed in a pair of baggy blue sweatpants that had the heels walked off and a large sleep shirt that Mouser was half sure was his. Keys was wearing a pair of tartan flannel sleep shorts that they had gotten him as a gag gift for his birthday and nothing else.

They looked towards each other as they stepped out onto the deck, saying something that Mouser wasn’t able to make out because of how far away he was. He was kind of relieved about it, even though he usually liked being in the know about everything that was going on around him. He wasn’t sure that his already fragile mind was going to be able to handle them rejecting him or realizing how much they loved each other over him.

The moment that thought popped into his head, he wasn’t able to resist the cringe that forced its way over his features. The entire point of him getting up and going outside was to find out what was bothering him so much about what had happened yesterday and why. He hadn’t thought that it would come to him when he saw the very people that had caused the emotion, however.

Jealousy wasn’t something that had a place in polyamorous relationships. Of course, it was a human emotion and thus it was likely to crop up every now and again. The difference between polyamorous and monogamous relationships was that jealousy was supposed to be addressed as soon as the person feeling it realized what was happening to avoid situations that blew up and shattered the whole dynamic into pieces. 

He wasn’t sure that what he was feeling was actually jealousy, however. It had a lot of the hallmarks, like the tight stomach and sour feeling in his heart, but it was also different. He felt a fluttering in his ears like his heart was beating too hard and his throat felt tight with anxiety. He was nervous and insecure, he realized with a start.

Mouser had been so wrapped up in his own head that he hadn’t even noticed the duo making their way down the steps of the deck and carefully over the stone path that led through the untouched dirt and woodchips to their patch of grass. They settled down beside him, both of them facing towards him while half of their body was pressed against the other. It made the anxiety he had already been experiencing increase tenfold.

“What are you doing up so early?” Millie asked, rubbing her eye awkwardly. She reached out and took his coffee cup like it was the most natural thing in the world. Given how much of the stuff that they consumed and the fact that they were often too busy to make more than a single mug, it was. It always had been, even before they had gotten together. 

Some of the insecurity that had been brewing inside of him settled when he saw her realization that he had made it according to his tastes and not hers. She made a face so that her mouth was a tight line and her nose was wrinkled cutely. Keys took his coffee black, Millie took hers with cream and two sugars, and Mouser took his with french vanilla syrup or blueberry cobbler creamer. 

“I just came out here to think,” he answered after a second, offering them both a small shrug.

“What’s on your mind, then?” Keys asked. He took the coffee cup from Millie and took a sip, making the same face that she had before it finished the circle and ended up back in Mouser’s waiting hands.

He didn’t answer them right away, instead turning his head so that he could watch their golden retriever digging through the remnants of the flowerbed meant for him. He really should have taken them up on the offer to plant something there so that the outside of the house looked just as much like he owned it as it did for them. He didn’t really know why he hadn’t, his mother would have loved to give him advice about the best types of flowers and what they meant.

Millie reached out and then knocked her foot against his leg. It made his attention snap back to her in a second, like he wasn’t always thinking about her. She was cutest when she had just woken up, that was something that he had decided a long time ago. She had her hair back in a ponytail that was partially falling loose around her face and the hickies they had left on her the week prior were peaking out over the massive shirt that she was wearing. She kept having to stifle her yawns and her eyes would droop before she blinked.

“What?” he asked, forgetting the question that she had just asked.

Keys and Millie shared a look with each other, which was also something that they did whenever they were being interviewed about their company. That insecure feeling broke through Mouser’s walls again and wrapped its fist around his stomach so that he actually felt sick. 

“Come on, kitten, don’t make us crack in your code like you’re a glitching AI in our game,” Keys chuckled.

The nickname made his cheeks flame to life. It was supposed to be a joke about the nickname that he used in place of the one that he was given by his parents. They had tried to call him ‘Keyboard’ and a number of other computer related parts in the beginning of their relationship as they tried to find something that they could keep just for them, but they found that it was too confusing given what they worked with every day. He was okay with it, especially since they hadn’t gone with the dog breeds that were specifically bred to hunt mice.

He let out a small sigh and then drained the rest of his coffee. The sugar and caffeine worked together as they hit his system so that he felt more awake and able to actually articulate his feelings. “I’m thinking about the proposal.”

“What about it?” Millie asked. She shuffled forward on the grass so that they both had their legs folded and she was able to take his hand. Keys stayed where he was, watching them both with careful eyes so that he could see where he fit in. Mouser related to that a lot, he felt as though he had been doing that every second that he had been in the relationship instead of just physically like his boyfriend was doing now.

“I just…” he paused and had to clear his throat. The words were sticking in his mouth like toffee, uncomfortable and coating his teeth with a taste he wasn’t fond of. It was so hard to be vulnerable and real with them in the way that this kind of conversation required, but he was trying to force it out of where it was stuck. Mouser decided to stare down at where Millie was holding his hand so that he didn’t have to meet those beautiful, sleepy eyes of hers as he admitted, “I’m kind of wondering where I’m going to fit in when the two of you are married and I’m not.”

Millie jerked back very suddenly and it made Mouser raise his head from where he had bowed it so that he could see what was going on. Her bright blue eyes were now wide open and she looked like she had just consumed a whole bag of espresso beans. She whirled around so that she was facing their partner and then said, “Keys!”

“Shit, I mean, fuck,” he began patting his pockets like he was searching for something.

“Why would you have it on you right now? We just got out of bed!” Millie screeched. She was moving on her hands and knees as she made her way over to him so that she could smack his shoulder. “You made him worry for nothing, go and get it right now!”

Mouser didn’t think that he had ever been as confused as he currently was. His boyfriend and girlfriend were always like that with each other, which showed just how long they had known the other, but they very rarely got that upset about anything. He also had no idea why his admission would be making them act like that, but he supposed that there was a chance he was so unimportant that they hadn’t even been actually listening to what he said.

Keys scrambled to his feet as he said, “Yes, okay, yeah.”

He had only just disappeared into the house when Millie turned around. “I’m so sorry that you were feeling like this and we didn’t figure it out. We just got so wrapped up in the announcements that I guess it slipped Keys’ mind. If I had been in charge of it then I wouldn’t have forgotten at all.”

He still wasn’t completely aware of what she was talking about, but he knew that was true. Keys and Millie were the heads of their company and Mouser was under them as their head manager since he had no knowledge about how to run a company and really wasn’t interested in it. Millie was the one that remembered all of their meetings and everything that they had said. Mouser was half convinced that Keys would be walking into doors and getting lost in server rooms if she wasn’t there to direct him towards where he was meant to be going.

The aforementioned man came running back to where his partners were sitting down and then flopped beside them. “So you already know about the ring that I got for Millie when I proposed to her but what you don’t know and were supposed to find out about last night before I promptly forgot after all the interview requests that we started getting,” he began before anyone else could speak. Usually that fact would put their partner out of sorts, but this time she just stared at him with a fond smile on her face.

He pulled a velvet box similar to the one that had been on top of his dresser for the last two months, the one that Mouser had assumed he had presented to Millie during their date. “I was already planning on proposing to Millie after talking to you about it when we went on that nice date at the arcade, but when I went into the jewelry shop so that I could pick something out for her, the only thing that I could think about was you. So I picked this up and figured that I could propose to you and we could get married in the eyes of our friends and family or just Rover even if we can’t get married legally,” he rambled.

Mouser didn’t say anything as he reached out and took the box from his partner. He opened it up and saw that there was a hardy silver band engraved with little slashes where gemstones might have gone if the buyer had wanted it. It was practical but still weighty enough that he would always remember it was there when he had it on.

The thought came to him so quickly he hadn’t even realized that he was having it. He glanced up at Keys with wide eyes just as the other man asked, “So what do you say?”

“What do I say?” he snorted, raising both of his eyebrows. “I told you that I was feeling insecure in our relationship and you fucking proposed to me. That’s the most us shit ever, Keys.”

Keys let his shoulders fall as he laughed eagerly. “I was so worried that you were going to say no because I forgot.”

“You forget everything,” Millie teased with their shared fiance nodding alongside her. 

Their conversation continued even after they were joined by their rambunctious dog. Mouser made an internal note that he should contact his therapist about better ways to handle those kinds of feelings and then settled into the love that came with being around his partners. This was a problem that wasn’t going to go away for a while, maybe ever, but for now the demons had been forced back by the heavy metal weight on his ring finger.

[foundinfantasy]

Sims 4: B 4 Real

I made a Sims 4: 4 Rent Expansion Pack What-I-Wish-It-Was Wishlist because even though the bar is in hell as far as the Sims 4 Team is involved, it's fun to imagine what the pack could've been, what features could've been added blah-blah-blah.

I've seen the Release Trailer, the "Gameplay" Trailer, the "Livestream", and absorbed as much EA Creator Network content as I can handle... and it's meh-to-yikes (MWS 2). So....

RENTING

Not mad at what they did. This is exactly how I, in my dumb-dumb non-coder brain, figured that they could've made working apartments HOWEVER they could've added a better screening process, moreso accepting tenants to apply for the apartment rather than outright accepting them.

The application process could've given the player the ability to accept tenants sight unseen OR given them the ability to screen traits, wealth, or if they have a job with the possibility of getting sued for housing discrimination.

On the other end, if you're playing generationally you can apply for an apartment, pay the application fee, look around, meet the landlord, and/or get rejected because it's your first apartment and your Sim Score is non existent.

All the gameplay I've seen so far, I actually like as far as the water heater and fuse box, mold, and infestation, and all the events. I also like that you can experience all those issues in a regular residential. (RIP Plumbros you've been incorporated?)

I do wish they would've gone back and updated Elevators and allowed a High-End Apartment experience such as Building Maids, Doormen, Receptionist, a basement Irwin, etc.

MULTIFUNCTIONAL LOTS

This would've actually shocked me and 100% made the pack worth it, if they'd given us both the ability to make apartments and make a bar beneath me.

The Multifunctional lot would've worked the exact same way and allowed for storefront RENTALS (but I imagine this would make GTW useless to those who only use the Retail system)

WORLD

9 lots!? BFFR.

:Conspiracy Theory Side Rant: I think they had planned for water lots. The bottom of that map is wayyyy too empty both in world and in world view. I think they hit a snag in coding and instead of delaying to figure it out they scrapped water lots and pushed out this pack and that's why we also can't build on the waterfront lot in Sulani. Nothing can sway me. :End:

It's a pretty... empty world. I wish there was less set dressing and more lots. The cave isn't nearly as cool as the one in Horse Ranch and I could do without it. It really just punched home all the rabbitholes (like seriously Sims 4: For Rabbitholes) and I don't even dislike rabbitholes. I wanted more rabbitholes in Growing Together and less in this pack.

CULTURE

I'm not SEA but I love broad representation, so I love the new dances, love the squat toilet, the food, the night market, the fish market. I just wish there was more! To be exact 10 more, but I'll detail 3.

MY NUMBER ONE WISH - the Animal Sanctuary - imagine the same shell but when you click on it you have the options for a guided Tiger Tour (the current system more or less, popups and all) and an Elephant Walk where it takes you to a TIMED HIDDEN LOT EVENT (also what happened to hidden lots) with elephants that will walk around with the possibility of being drenched in mud, feed them a banana, wave, etc (nothing too crazy as even in a video game I want to remain ethical... to animals) Also would've been a great opportunity for EA to partner with an ethical animal sanctuary and spread awareness. One animal I would've been content. Two. Three. EA would've blown my mind. Imagine the First Person POV in-game and those Safari Cars driving in the BG.

MY NUMBER TWO WISH - Surfing (child+ in water, toddler+ training)- I'm still awed by how we didn't get surfing with Island Living and now with this golden second opportunity they didn't give it to us once again! It would work like this: an invisible marker (in live mode) that we place in Build/Buy and when we click on the water we'd get the option to practice surfing. Waves won't simulate without the marker, they'd go through the surfing animations depending on skill level, and the marker could even designate where the sim would pop up after they wash out. This could be its own fleshed out thing with surf training in water and on land, playable lifeguard, surf competitions/career, injuries, but I would've taken just surfing.

MY NUMBER THREE WISH - Muay Thai - as an activity (child+) AND apart of a Fighter career. I'll never expect an active Fighter career from EA as that's too many animation cycle possibilities for them for some reason but could've been a great opportunity to give us Boxing 2.0 and become full-time World Class Fighter.

Quick 4-10

4. Boats! Group boats! Tour boats (even as a rabbithole, might as well go all in if you're going to give them to us)

5. River rafting (just more water activities would've been great)

6. Sunken ship hidden lot (deep diving to a hidden lot) / more snorkeling spots (though I understand snorkeling is a draw in for IL)

7. Hiking (I know we've gotten hiking essentially in the last two EPs but this would've been a great EP for it and/or give us a climbing mountain experience like in SE... but green)

8. Harvestables - tea, spices, fruit.

9. A TukTuk Tour (cute to say and if we only got one rabbithole this would've been fun for my tourist sims)

10. Botanical Garden. At the bottom b/c even EA didn't care enough about this. Seriously, no new flowers?

Secret 11. Night Market Worker, would've been nice if the reason a night market stall was empty was because you could come up and work it, sell at it like any other selling table or have it be its own job.

SPEAKING OF SECRETS.

Breaking and Entering to snoop through a Sims things when I can do it through multiple different interaction is cucking me and I don't like that. Just give me burglars. Or update the Klepto trait to not have a cooldown (sure, there are mods for this but EA shouldn't depend on modders to give us something they're teasing)

In that same vein CONSEQUENCES, I don't want my sim to just get into a fight. Arrest them. Send them to jail. Give me some cross pack combability with GTW and let me use that lot for once to report theft and/or give me NPC Cops to fight instead.

And my biggest gripe so far, for a pack that I haven't personally played, are the SECRETS themselves. I hate how much EA infantilizes its players while simultaneously being the same game with a plant that eats people and a murder apartment. The secrets, which are a fun mechanic, just seem so blah. Not only because they also seem random but they're also just... childish. (I get T for Teen, but I feel like most of the player base are adults) Give me SPICY SIM SECRETS: who's having an affair, who's faked their death, who has a literal skeleton in their closet, who's embezzled money, who's proudly the weekend (Also a great mechanic to make their occult states a secret) ! Make the blackmail worth it and make it more than $100 dollars. If a Landgraab has a secret love child out there and I find out they're wiring me 10k a week for life, at least. If I can't have consequences, give me hot tea! Also sure, I could keep their secret but also let me gossip about it to other people and get in a fight because I didn't keep their secret. It's a good game mechanic but it's a wasted opportunity.

MISCELLANEOUS: and this is nitpicking but I would've wanted an animation of the child drawing out the hopscotch and marble circle instead of one you just put down in Build/Buy. Other than that I love having more things for them to do and the collection system for marbles but I want more marbles.

Okay, off to watch Kdramas. I will post regular game screenshots... eventually. I'm prepping for Joy of Life. It's my first real generational challenge (2nd challenge overall, I got to baby 79 in 100 baby before I just stopped)

[highfantasy-soul]

Turns out, I have more to say!!

A lot of this advice feels like just a different flavor of "I did the right things and now I'm ahead. If you're not ahead, that means you didn't do the right things, so just do it and it'll work!!"

The problem isn't that people aren't networking, the problem is that capitalism makes it so that only a few actually can survive and the rest are scrambling for whatever they can, and when they don't succeed, it's "their fault" because they didn't do the "right thing".

Can getting opportunities based on who you know work? YES!

SHOULD it be the ONLY way you can survive? NO!!!

Like OP noted, it's not a meritocracy. "that is exactly all that's happening when undeserving people surpass you anyway". The people best equipped for the job don't get it based on this method. But that's the thing - that's how our system has become so fucked!! People who stole from others to get rich now all get together and give each other jobs to keep the wealth up with them and away from everyone else!

Community support is so, so important, but that could mean areas where you DON'T have to schmooze your way into selling your soul for a job or just winning the social lottery by finding the right person at the right time to have an opportunity for you.

Tumblr's audience seems to skew young, and as someone who's 30 (so not super old, but I'm also not in my early 20s, so I've been around enough), I can tell you that 'knowing people' can only get you so far in the normal world. Maybe your mom is a rich lawyer and can get you into a great job based on her name alone (or just pay for everything for you), but yet again, it keeps the class lines where they are. For poors like me, sure knowing people can get you a job, but it'll be a shitty job you have to quit in an attempt to find another, slightly less shitty job. It'll be being able to room with people, then realizing that rent is skyrocketing while your income remains stagnant (or decreasing) or the roommates are toxic, horrible people and needing to get out of there for your own safety.

You might think that the unpaid-internship you got from your friend's mom is great until you realize that you're two years in and still not getting paid and they won't give you a permanent position, or the position they do offer is half the hours and barely above minimum wage and all the time and effort you put into that job isn't enough to pay for a shitty apartment even though you have three other roommates and yet everyone will still tell you 'well you have to pay your dues before the big bucks' and then you put in another five years and you've gotten a raise of $2/hr and fifteen times the responsibility, the cost of living is rising, you've paid as much on your student loans as you borrowed yet your balance to still pay is MORE than the amount of the loan you took out all those years ago and everyone is telling you "you should be in a better job by now - what are you doing here??" but this damn post is telling you that if you had just networked harder!!!!

IT'S THE SYSTEM THAT'S FUCKED

YOU CANNOT BOOTSTRAP SOCIALIZE YOURSELF OUT OF IT!!

Anyways, something something capitalism sucks, eat the rich, something something.

young me especially would have hated hearing this but networking is literally the most important thing you can do to improve your situation like forget economic barriers to education etc just keep making friends with different people and eventually someone will offer you a hand up just because they dig your vibe and that is exactly all that's happening when undeserving people surpass you anyway

[thought-trove]

middle school dropout and the keeper of loneliness

I started out this post trying to tip-toe around what I was going to say but the whole situation has been pissing me off because of everyone in the situation is constantly being used.

this is the story of the middle school dropout and the keeper of loneliness. about three years ago, maybe less, this all started. long story short, the middle school dropout has been chasing this keeper lowkey since she was in a relationship with the ex that cheated on her because he was ready to be a dad and she wasn't. once they broke up, about two years later, she got pregnant. in the mist of all those two years, information was being relied to me by the ex that she kept hitting him up, even after she was pregnant.

now about the middle school dropout. like I said, he was lowkey chasing her for years and took his opportunity when they broke up. you're probably wondering why I'm calling him the middle school dropout because he dropped out in the beginning of 7th grade back in 2016. mind you, we are the same age. I was a freshman in high school, he was in 7th grade and the keeper was in 10th grade to put ages in perceptive. now, it is his mom fault why he never stayed in school but that's for a different blog for a different day.

at the end of 2023, they planned a pregnancy with absolutely nothing but hopes and dreams.

now, they used all of their families who even talks to them and all their friends who either they haven't dropped or dropped them to get a crap ton of baby things. the baby is here, and nobody still got a job or just anything that'll help better themselves or the baby. I'm not the one to judge someone about their situation but girl, they can't help the person they're living with, the middle school dropout mom, with bills or food so she would or could possibly goes days without eating and worrying about bills and her dogs while the useless couple she's letting stay there go out to eat at restaurants or fast food, order and buy online things for themselves or the game and just barely pays the very minimum.

I told his mom multiple times to give them an ultimatum. get life together or get kicked out. she doesn't like the idea of kicking out her son and grandson but if she keeps babying them, they will forever use her for a house, water, electricity, and food since apparently, the keeper of loneliness gets a food card but don't necessarily share with the grandmother of her child. mind you, she doesn't pay NO bills and lives rent free. if she was a stay-at-home mom, I would get it, but the middle school dropout doesn't work whatsoever. I would leave if I was her, especially knowing you won't be nothing more than a baby mama.

now you're probably wondering why I am calling her the keeper of loneliness. well, when you're dropping friends, it's usually for a good reason but she had the middle school dropout essentially drop the little numbers of friends since the idea of being a bum and pregnant. when I say he lost all his friends because of her, it's crazy. neither does he hang out with HIS ONLY support system but plays the same with pre-teens, only. he's not even allowed to hang out with anyone unless she is there. same with eating, showering, using the bathroom, leaving the house, going to the kitchen, going outside, just about anything. she doesn't allow him to smoke. not because of the baby but because she doesn't so why does he?

personally, I would never. my significant other and I can be independent without needing each other 24/7, 365 days a year. it won't even be worth being in a relationship where someone is always going to hold you back, no matter what

[vanya-imyarek]

Once I got lost on a train.

No, that's not how I ended up here, that's to give you an idea of my stellar sense of direction. It's also to explain why I didn't realize sooner that something was wrong.

Yes, it's going to be a long story, but you are the one who asked for it, didn't you?

It all started the day I took the job at [redacted] Communications, one of the associations who prepare and pay people like me, up at the stands of various charities to propose forms for monthly donations to whoever can afford them. No, we aren't volunteers. The pay is pathetic, but is there. Have you ever wondered why the people you see at those stands are mostly young? College students in search of a part-time job are among the few people desperate enough to take a job that demands you to stand up for about ten hours, pestering passerbies, in exchange for a faint hope of a little money to pay rent.

That's what I was, you know. A college student. My family was supportive and helped me financially, but I still didn't want to put too much of a strain on them. And [redacted] Communications was one of the few places that would have taken in people with no former job experience.

Now, our department leaders have various dealings to get us to take our stands to various kinds of locations: city centers, trains (the above accident? It happened on the job, and my colleague laughed at me for weeks afterwards), shopping malls, and, guess what, IKEA centers.

That's how I came to find myself here: the branch leader had struck a deal with the local IKEA to host our stand for three days, I had signed up for two of them in the weekend, and there I was, with a desk, a bunch of pamphlets from the charity of the day, donation forms to sign, a practiced smile and an already defeatist colleague.

See, this isn't a relaxing job. When you are on the clock, most people avoid you, some make gagging noises, some insult you, some accuse whatever charity you are working for to secretly support the Reptilians and Those People (nobody has ever quite figured out who Those People are). Off the clock, you have to deal with branch leaders who constantly accuse you of being lazy and not providing enough donations, and answer to every question on how to perform better with 'just work more!!!', and seem to find extremely unprofessional that a work force selected among college students can't work every day because, surprise surprise, college obligations. It's easy to find oneself demoralized. But since this affects attitude and thus performance, we have a whole system for little breaks in our shifts, to relax a little and not let our happy mask slip.

I was just doing one of these little breaks, ten minutes scarce while my colleague minded the desk, and I thought, why not explore some of the IKEA? Maybe I would have found something cute and not too expensive, to keep in mind for when I would have had the money, or just to daydream a little ...

Well ... don't tell the direction I said this ... but there's not really much variety at an IKEA, isn't it? A living room area where the sofa all looked the same, in the three select colors of beige, white and grey. Sterile studio installments. A series of white kitchens. White, occasionally grey beds. Modern lamps that all looked the same.

I soon lost interest, and decided to go back and get to work again. And here it comes into play: my wonderful sense of direction!

I walked through an aisle, then another, then I realized I had never seen it before, I retraced my steps, tried to remember if I had come from left or right, failed, decided to try left, and I found myself in an area full of mirrors I had never seen. From there, it was a disaster: every path I tried, even those that logically should have taken me the farthest away, all led me back to the room of mirrors. It was at my fiffth failed attempt to leave it that I decided to check the time, and I nearly had an heart attack: I had been wandering the IKEA for an hour.

Succumbing to the temptation of loudly swearing in public, I tried the way I had come from, and this time, I managed to get away from the mirrors area. I got further lost among aisles of kitchenware, then to my relief I found the sofa exibition: the café I had started from was near.

I did retrace it, but the stand and my colleague were nowhere to be seen. That was very strange: we had an obligation to never leave the stand and documents unattended, so if she had left it made sense that she had taken it with her, but shouldn't she have warned me before leaving? Okay, from her point of view I had basically done the same, point taken. I decided to take a coffee at the café, and send her a message explaining the situation and asking where she was. I finished my coffee. She hadn't answered.

I tried checking in the parking lot, but nothing: it was a labyrinth down there too, and the traffic of cars didn't help. I went up an escalator, and found myself, guess what? In the mirrors area!

I won't bore you with a detailed description of my failed attempts at finding out where the hell I was, especially because I feel like you already have an idea of them. I will tell you one thing: at a certaing point I was exhausted, tired, hungry, desperate, I checked the watch, and had the second heart attack: I had been in there for a whole day.

How was it possible? How was it that nobody, not even my apprehensive parents, had called? How was it possible that I missed the closing hours? There was nobody around me, that was true, but it was absurd to think I had been there all night long! The lights had never been shut down, it made no sense. It had to be a problem with my watch. I had to go back to the entrance and get the hell out of that maddening place. I managed to make it back to the living room area, and tried, as coolly and rationally as I could, to follow the signed path.

It was in the kitchen area that things started to become strange. Was it so for you, too? It was not a great difference, really, just ... the artificial light somehow looked more natural, like I was really in a sunlit kitchen. The decorative flowers in the vases stopped looking fake and, looking more closely, I realized that it was actual lavender, emanating a faint perfume. Every model kitchen had a basket of fruit on the tables; every apple, every pear and orange looked real, fresh and tasty. The smell of warm bread began filling the air.

To be honest, I didn't think much of it. I thought it was something to make the installations more realistic and inviting, and really, it was paying off. I did manage to calm down some, to imagine I wasn't in such an absurd situation.

But then, I reached the bedroom area, and well, things started getting really weird.

One bed was carved in rock. A whole piece of granite, looking like it had been just extracted from the side of a mountain, but wìth a thick, soft strate of moss that formed the mattress, and a mass of leaves thighly woven together to form blankets and a pillow. I think I stared at it for a full minute, because a staff member approached me and, with the same practiced smile I reserved for the people I stopped, told me that if I was interested I might also check the Dolomiti model, which turned a beautiful pink at sunset and twilight and came with a blanket of rose petals. I ... well, I didn't really know what to make of all of that, so I excused myself and kept going forward and ...

Another bed was made of ice. Columns with subtle ripple designs upheld a thick strate of pure ice, upon which rested a mattress of snow and a blanket embroided in delicate frost. My breath condensated in there. Another was similar to an ammock, with threads connecting it to a wardrobe likewise made of rope, from which several threads woved and separated to form several articles of clothing. The last bedroom I saw ... well, it was on fire, literally a gigantic fireplace in which the wood formed a bed and the flames danced happily in place of a mattress, wardrobe and bedside table roughly carved in old dry wood.

Okay, I told myself, that was a dream. A nightmare, considered how afraid I am of fire. I was stressed lately, everything checked out, but now that I was aware of that it was a lucid dream and I could leave. And so I did, rapidly crossing the room to get to the stairs. I went up as fast as I could, and ended up in another blasted room full of mirrors.

One was a seashell, reflecting my image in multiple iridescent curves. Another mirror had decorations like the rays of the sun, but I truly couldn't bear to look at them. I think I would have seen an happy face if I had managed to do so. A mirror was a three-dimensional five point star, reflecting so many images of me, one image of when I was a kid, one of when I was at my high school recital, one of when I strode through the college hallways, one at the charity desk ... sorry, I'd prefer not to tell of the others.

I ran forward. Some mirror were completely black. Some mirrors had images of me, just staring. I opened the emergency door at the end of the room of the mirrors to get out.

Don't do that. Never open the emergency doors in here. Trust me.

When I got out of there, I found myself in the rugs area. Flying carpets? Ha, I wish! I found carpets that seemed made in sheep's mantles, only golden. I found carpets that looked like the running water on a spring, gleaming in the sunlight, so clear the currents cast shadows over the bed of rocks beneath. I found carpets in muted colors that shifted like dust or sand - the sensation when I tried touching them was the same. One looked like television statics - colors like fireworks crossing it, sometimes forming something similar to an image, but never quite definite. Some had arabesque motifs and a single, great, beautiful flower blooming in the centre. Others seemed made of skin, ondulating as if breath still rose and lowered them. I left quickly that section too.

By that point I was really starting to despair. It wasn't the first time I had a lucid dream, but I had managed to wake myself before. Now it seemed impossible, and I was stuck wandering in that absurd place.

I found a bathroom area next. Mostly, bathtubs. All of them full of water, of every kind, of every color, like someone had emptied a bunch of bath bombs in each of them. The air was hot and heavy with the scent of bath salts. One tub, in black stone, bubbled and steamed like lava, only the color of the water was pink and glittery. It smelled like dried roses. One looked full of molten silver, a few decorative white flowers floating on the surface; the scent was that of fresh cotton. One seemed to have a solid strate of ice on the surface, but at a certain point something broke it and flashed outside, then returned in the tub, too fast for me to understand what it actually was. One seemed filled of smoke, shifting and turning smoke; sometimes it became denser, darker, and I could see something like lighting across it. It smelled like ozone, mixed to incense. This section, oddly enough, relaxed me, perhaps with the complicity of the placating scents; I went forward more calmly.

The next section held lamps. Or rather, sources of light. A few luminiscent blue or green mushrooms. Small flocks of colorful, chirping birds, little candles made of feathers on their backs. A small but perfect miniature of the moon placed in front of a mirror; this one held no light, but a sign said to call for a staff member for instructions on how to light it. I decided I could go without, and went forward.

The next area housed several frames, for painting and photos. One was a rosebush, pink and yellow flowers blooming around a rectangular shape; their scent was almost intoxicating. One was made of a mineral of a deep blue, with silver veins. One big frame was made of actual candy, a thick base of sugar paste with swirls of chocolate and candied fruit. It smelled absolutely mouth-watering. A set of photo frames was made of colorful treads, each holding the pictures of a different families. The threads were all of different lengths, some running several circles around the pictures, some not even reaching half of one. I noticed that not all photos with children in them had short threads, but all the frames with the short threads had children in the pictures. I'm still not sure if it means something, and I never got the courage to ask. Back to us, I went forward.

I found myself in a small area full of plants. Some were actual snakes made of ivy, slithering around on wooden structures, small white and pink flowers on their heads. There were several cacti, of a shining white, their thorns extending between each other like spiderwebs; a sign recommanded buying them in sets. There were bouquets of red lilies from which a faint smoke exhaled, and bouquets of azure orchids covered in frost, the air around them chilly. I left the area.

And I was back at the café, the one from which I had started. There was even my stand! This area looked perfectly normal, save for the fact that ... well, you see the windows too, right? Perfectly normal, big windows facing on the road when I first came here. Now, all you can see is fog. It was the same even back then, in fact, it hasn't changed even by a little. It's not normal fog, you understand, right? That was what froze me, back when I had hoped for a minute that the craziness had stopped. It had been a summer day when I first set foot in this IKEA, bright, sunny, hot. Now look, I'm not joking. I don't know what the weather was when you entered here, but this complete fog is impossible, we should be able to see maybe some car below, the streetlights at the very least, instead there's nothing but this pearlescent whiteness. It shimmers sometimes, I don't know what it means, or if it even means something.

Well. What could I do? My colleague was still missing. When I asked the waitress - that's Janice there, I got to know her better later - she just gave me a sad smile, and said that they were waiting for me, pointing at the stand. I checked, and I found a stash of pamphlets of the usual charities, several donation forms, and this harness I'm wearing right now, with the ID tag with my name - my real name, not my birth name.

And so. What else could I do? I kept working here. I tried to go back home, really, but there is no exit. Save for the emergency exits, and you don't go through these. If you ask the waiters and staff members, you will hear a lot of similar stories.

But, back to us! Did you know these donation forms work? I haven't worked out the details yet, but they always appear in the native language of whoever I'm talking to, and they always vanish after I got someone to sign them. Yes, I know it sounds weird, but after everything I've seen in this place, I think it's the least to be expected.

I'm sorry to say, you will be stuck here for the foreseeable future. The direction will soon find something for you to do, there is always something to be done in here. Wouldn't you want for the last sign of your existence outside of here to be something so positive for others? With a sign here, you could give food and education to a child in a developing country. With this, you could support the research for the treatment of rare genetical illnesses. With this, instead, you could support sanctuaries for endangered species and reforestation efforts in South America. We just need your registry datas and IBAN code ... no, really, we don't get anything out of this, I don't get anything out of this, this place already provides me with everything I need. It will happen for you too, so you don't have anything to lose and all to gain from a good action. Don't worry about the red ink of this pen, they're all like that here.

You want to think this through? Make a donation via web when you'll get home? As you wish. You have all the time in the world to think this through. See you later!

Your sense of direction has always been bad, to the point of being a running joke among your friends, but after 28 hours of stumbling through an ikea store you realise that it isn’t your navigation skills that’s preventing you from finding the exit…

[empressxmachina]

"Are the Kids Alright," a photo-manipulation by me (Also on DA)

In my constant search for new poses, I did a deep dive into more ground-level positions, especially kneeling, some time ago. (See Upright Traveler as an example.) I saw the photo containing the two peeping kids and wondered, "What would they be doing on the ground?" Being me, it had to be a person, and what better person for a kid to come across than a possible friend via another kid? 2-on-1 is not fair, so I had to make it even. But then two small kids wouldn't/shouldn't wander by themselves in a home as big as a starship, so there's a guardian, too. And then my mind started going and made a plot.

(some ideas and references below)

- Brother and sister ("Irish twins" aka born within a year of each other because of "reasons") Nina and Kai wanted to get a grander look at where they've been crashing around for some time - indeed only sleeping and occasional storage, aka no actual "borrowing" for "reasons" - and as 'it's their funeral,' their mom Tamara let them do so but under her guard.

    - All was fine until the two kids from the family that habitually lived there - actual twins Rowan and Hazel Connolly - came running in, looking for something, and found the three under a couch.

    - Not wanting to show fear, Tamara instructed her kids to keep moving toward the path from whence they came as if nothing had happened. Meanwhile, she did the same while judging the giant youths, only to be confused when she detected they had no bad intentions, just looking and giving space until they were out of view.

    - Eventually, Rowan and Hazel inform their father, Gabriel, that they have had visitors, and here he is watching security footage proving his kiddos right on one screen and getting a closer look at the trio, specifically with frame editing on the other. From his spawn being distressed from the others' lack of action to the children passing through looking disenfranchised in some way, all Gabriel could ponder over, aside from the mother being unexpectedly pretty (because I'm a hopeless romantic), was ✨ the concern within this picture's title! ✨

There's more to this plot in my head, like why the phone is cracked (because, of course, there is), barely including a beginning but not an ending. There is a hell of a System™ they all live in, though, and they all have issues! In any case, I would love to deal with this dynamic more: chaos through a less mature lens, (single-) parent struggles to coalesce, finding one's place in Society™, etc. Right now, I've codenamed it Rent-Free because they're all in my and each other's heads, along with the small squad squatting in the Connolly home that way. (I have both of the screened photos separately, too, if you'd like to view them independently for whatever reason. 😊)

Honestly, I wasn't aiming for a particular size difference here. Yet, I know the tiny trio aesthetically resembles a Borrowers family. Does their sizing match the canon's 1:18 differential? From what I've seen, the legs of Chesterfield couches like this one tend to measure between three and six inches on average. But I can't be assed to detect how oversized (if at all) the couch is canonically or how kids would usually look against it. I think the miniature mother here would be a smidge under four inches if my calculations are correct, so maybe this does look right. Against the couch, I think those three look okay, but I cannot say the same with the big, little kids. What do you think?

Put them all in the Fast and the Furious saga with all this FAMILY.

~Autodesk Sketchbook

~couch and tan office

~Connolly kids

~nervous Nina

~shy Kai

~Tamara's toughwear

~part of Tamara's face

~the other part of Tamara's face

~Gabriel's POV and private place

~video player

~phone app layout

~phone cracked screen

~vignette border

Circa August 2023.

"Is the title a callback to The Who or The Offspring?" In truth, it's to Chloe x Halle, which I guess would also point more toward the latter.

Please don't be weird about the kids; that should be common knowledge. I'll snitch on you. 😠

[vvatchword]

I fucking moved. Fuck that city in particular and fuck everybody in it except for the cool Bat Dude and the lady who gave me a ride so I didn't get rained on and the nice old grandpa who saw me staring into space at the hamburger joint (as one does).

Yes, I got into a stranger's car, but look. She was very nice and she reminded me of a dear friend, and I was so darkly miserable that the fact she asked was like a little ray of sunshine. Like look. Not everybody is fucking horrid, sometimes they're a nice librarian-looking lady in an SUV.

Oh, now I can't stop thinking of nice people. Let's face it: there were plenty of nice folks there. It's just that I'm not made for cities. There's what I thought I wanted and there's what I actually wanted.

I hate cities

I hate noise

I hate traffic

I hate rich people

I hate pollution (and so does my bird)

I hate the horrifying cost of living

I hate lights and need a real nighttime. If I can't see stars I begin to die. If your lights are so bright the moon disappears, you're too damn bright

I HATE public transit because...

I hate having to maneuver around homeless shenanigans. You know how many times I'd be genuinely terrified per month? Way too many times.

There were too many people everywhere I went. I would try to go shopping early to avoid rubbing shoulders and end up rubbing shoulders. There was just no easy way to avoid crowds.

Tamed nature. Do you know what I mean? Nature made as humans desire it, not nature existing outside of humankind. At the very least--nature that hasn't seen more than two separate human beings per month. I have learned a brand new appreciation for wastelands. I am not renewed by a park with a tree in it. I need to see land that doesn't need a sprinkler system.

I was constantly overwhelmed and I never got to do anything fun because I was too poor. Cool shit happens here, too, though. So I'm just going to try and go to something nice at least once per month. It's more expensive because you have to drive, but it's less expensive on the whole because half of my income isn't going to rent.

Moving was a nightmare. I basically packed up and left in a week. My dad contracted some friends from his church. They said they could help me pack if I wasn't done yet. Joke's on me: those guys didn't give a single fuck. They launched my belongings like we were Cape Canaveral. I thought I was going to die from the agony of seeing brain-dead rednecks bodyslam my books into boxes. I still haven't found parts of my stuff yet. Who knows where it's all gone. I'll find it eventually? I guess?

I proceeded to drive home in the dark and the rain, where I chugged energy drinks and longed for death. I stopped once to buy the best possible snacks I could find (Muddy Buddies, Dot's Pretzels, some donuts. My life is falling apart. I deserve nice things). My traveling partner was the sole surviving African Dwarf Frog (long story, but they started dying one by one, and she is the last).

Got home and weeks of abuse caught up to me. I proceeded to fall into a catatonic state for about two days. Caught up with myself today and finally set my PCs up. I have two; one is an old-school mid-tier gaming device from like. 2012. The other is my custom-built gaming PC from about three years ago. Anyway. I've been wanting to make them both dual-monitor machines but I had to do some troubleshooting, and I figured it out today.

I can't connect to ethernet because this house wasn't built with ethernet in mind. It's going to have to be WiFi. Ewwww. Oh well

Being home is a HUGE relief. My parents are ecstatic to have me. The DOG is ecstatic to have me. The bird is angry because I can just straight-up leave his sight now. The apartment may have been a hideous, dimly-lit hole, but it was a SMALL hideous, dimly-lit hole, and he knew where I was at all times. He has to hunt for me now and he hates it.

I can begin job-hunting again in earnest, as well as begin NaNoWriMo. I need to hit 5,000 words today. Wish me luck lol

[theendlessrambles]

6/27/23

Life for me is still content. My biggest complaint is an auto shop overfilled my tires and popped on the highway in a construction zone. I got a new tire for 67 dollars but needed a new rim. Then ended up needed to get all new tires, they were older tires and then over filled with tire pressure costing me over 800 dollars after spending 400 dollars on the car already. That's about a paycheck and a half for me.Thankfully my partner was there with me to calme.me down as we waited three hours in the middle of nowhere for a tow and then be told he'd be back later since he did not have room for both of us to be taken to the shop and we had to call my partners mother who thankfully just got out of work. My phone is also badly damaged and I'm in desperate need of a new one and due to the car am having to hold of awhile longer rather than sooner.

Besides that I still have my adoring partner, a wonderful roommate, a cat, and a dog. Sunday we got more free groceries from my roommates family and were very thankful for that and my boyfriends mother always gives me eggs her chickens produce. With out the help i don't know how well we could stick our pantry and fridge I'm very grateful for them. I have a vacation coming up in July with my partner at cedar point in a cabin we rented alone. Then after my vacation I will attend another parade with my friend in a pirate charity group. Their father, who was the captain, recently passed away and they are continuing his work as the new captain. This parade will be in my home town and I am excited to see my family and friends there. My relationships with those around me are well, even my mother and I have bonded more especially with a kitten she's adopted that doesn't have a tail.

Though my relationship are they also have their struggles. My roommate still is looking for a new job and worried about driving. Their lack of transportation has been stressful on both of us. I told her when I finally save up for a new car, after getting a new phone, I would sell her the one I currently have if its still in good (and by good still safe and running) condition. Her place of work, where I used to work and my pirate friend works, is now open to 12 am and she gets home at 1am or later. I often have to pick her up which is also hard for both of us. My next closest friend is helping out her mother. Her mother's boyfriend/father of her child overdosed and they kicked him out of the house. It's a stressful situation. She is trying to get into trade school, but she is vocal about how nerve-wracking it is for her. My pirate friend is trying out the dating scene and has been quite lonely with her mother gone often with her new job running tour/party buses. The other night we went to the bar at Applebee's after spending a day on the beach. We were bought drinks and it was fun, however their was a drunk and sexist man who wouldn't leave us alone and hugged on us a couple times. She seemed okay and I handled him well, but that part was still unfortunate. My partner also struggles. He hit a deer on his way to see me two months ago and his car is still in the shop. He borrowed his oldest brother's car since he was jobless, but his older brother took his car back to Door Dash due to family pressures and needing to pay his medical bills. His car should be back this week and he is relieved about that.

I did change jobs as of last week. I moved up into a CMH building in a poorer county. I get paid less but there's health insurance, pto, paid holiday, and a union, which makes up the difference. I would of had my RBT, but due to how awful online testing is with their anti heating system I was disqualified when my face became out of view when asked to show what was in the background. So I'll have to take it again.

There are some concerns with my coworkers. They are wonderful techs and has nothing to do with their work with the children, but their standpoints. Even though it is a mental health there has been racist and transphobic comments from half of the techs. One of the techs also admitted to violently robbing hookers as a teenager. This shocked me especially since she is newly a mother. The comments however I am not surprised about since it's a poorer rural area and I have seen dozens of trump stickers on staff members cars. Even things on the road made me realize how rural the area is such as a diy wooden nativity scene with signs saying "FEAR NOT GOD" and "REPENT WHILE THERE IS TIME". I also am not a big fan of the puzzle pieces in the shirts and cubicles on staff when it comes to autism awareness, but most autism centers have puzzle pieces so I am not upset, but rather uncomfortable with it. The company autism speaks, which uses the puzzle piece, has many faults and often covers up the voices of autistic individuals rather than lift them up. I prefer the rainbow infinity symbol made by the autistic community. I find it hard to by myself there.

My supervisor assigned me a mentor. I would be job shadowing but due to subbing in the building for half a year I do not need to job shadow. My mentor in this case is someone to go to for questions, which I tend to ask the first person I see truthfully. My supervisor picked the newly mom who used to violently rob hookers. She said she needs to soften up and I need to toughen up. So far it's gone well, but we don't speak often. I do think she is a wonderful tech and that there is much I could learn from her.

National news is all over. Trumps next trial is in December and he is running. His old vice president he almost let get killed is also running so that should be interesting. I like this one women who is running named Marianne Williamson. She seems to be quite honest about what is going on in the country especially after the pandemic. I am still nervous about all candidates even her. I don't trust our system and I don't believe capitalism and democracy work together. Greed tends to overpower freedom. Whatever freedom means now a days.

There were also some multimillionaires who died in a submarine on their way to the titanic. We all joked about them online and I am guilty of this. The submarine was poorly built and for the trip cost them about an iced Starbucks coffee to us. Lots of tax payer money was spent finding the already dead millionaire as they let immigrant boats sink killing thousands. So there were more laugh than tears for the rich. I do feel bad for the child, 19, on board.

Russia has a coup that was stopped in a day, however it shows the Russian citizens and even military grows tired of the war in Ukraine. It may even spark or already has sparked a civil war.

Pride has not been fun this year I did not do much for it as I wanted to. In fact a national emergency has been called for LGBTQIA members. It makes me nervous, I know I have a male partner at this time which keeps me more safe but I am still afraid. Two women who kissed each other were arrested since a child has seen it. They are now considered sex offenders and in one state that crime is punishable by death. They are finding ways to kill us. Trans have it the worst and our country is committing genocide against them it's no secret. Again even at work the hatred of trans are spoken of. I have friends who are trans and I worry for them. It really is a national emergency.

I think that sums up the last few months. It's almost 4am here now. I fell asleep around 8pm and woke up when my roommate came home. I had an apple took my medicine and began to write all this down. I will likely write again in a few months.

[worldswithoutendings]

Running down that hill [Steve Harrington]

Hi lovelies <3

so I wanted to write for steve as well, he also deserves some love doesn't he?

Steve harrington x reader

warnings: fluff (ig?), angst, blood, bad flirting from both sides

It was a very boring Wednesday, it was also your first week in Hawkins. You were still looking for a job while you were tydiyng up the house with your parents. Taking some time off you decided to rent a movie at family video, you weren’t looking your best but you were also not trying to impress. At least, not yet.

“i’m telling you Robin, i think i have seen all the hot girls in Hawkins” “you say that everytime Steve, and yet everyday you find a new victim” you hear bickering when you walk into family video, getting completely ignored by the two people working there. You walk over to the comedy section, wanting something light to kill the time until you hear someone scrape their throat behind you “you know, i could recommend you something” the guy who was bickering about seeing all the hot girls said behind you “oh, what do you recommend’ you ask before looking at him, damn “well, eh, 16 candles? That’s eh- pretty cool, or.. a room with a view? I mean, Helena looks pretty hot ther-“ “i want actually, like.. comedy? I just moved here and just want to wind down for a bit” “oh! You’re new? Cool! Wh-when did you move here?” he asks and the girl behind the counter snickers “a week ago, with my parents. My name is y/n, y/n y/l/n” “y/n hm? Pretty cool name” the boy says as he puts his hand through his hair “I-I’m steve, Steve Harrington” you both smile at eachother for a bit.

Finally you decided to give The Breakfast Club a go, the summary sounded nice and good enough to wind down. As you walk to the counter the girl smiles at you “sorry for Steve he’s-“ “a dude, i know” you smile “I’m Robin, Robin Buckley” “I’m y/n y/l/n” “let me put you in the system, oh the breakfast club! Nice choice” “yeah, i’m excited to see it” You talk a bit more while Robin puts you in the system. You said goodbye to both of them only to hear them continue bickering as you walk back to the car with the breakfast club in your bag.

Right now you have seen the breakfast club at least 3 times, you decided to bring it back, but this time. You looked great, you wear wearing nice clothes, had done your hair and had a light but nice amount of makeup on. As you stepped out of your car you started to smile, you could hear the two bicker again. But this time not about girls. It sounded way more serious. When you walked in there was another boy sitting at the desk computer, talking about a guy named Reefer Rick. Steve turned his head “hi! Y-y/n?!” he sounded shocked, like you were a whole other person “Hi Steve, Hi Robin” Robin waved but brought her attention back to the screen “ehm, I came to return this, it’s a really good movie” “yeah huh, Robin said that it was pretty good, maybe i-i should watch it too!” Steve stutters making the boy behind the computer look at the both of you with a weird face “oh Dustin! This is y/n, she’s new to Hawkins” Robin says “she’s…. she’s cool” “do you have any specialties?” Dustin asks making you confused “specialties?” “yeah, are you fluent in a foreign language or like have a black belt or something” what an odd question that was “Oh! I found him! He lives just outside of Hawkins, let’s go” Dustin jumps up and Steve and Robin get ready to grab their stuff “ehm, sorry y/n we have to close” Steve says with an apologetic smile and you all walk out.

Later that night you were watching television with your parents “and now we move on to an important announcement, this morning a body was found in a trailerpark outside of hawkins, there is a suspect in mind but we haven’t been able to find him. Please be careful when you go outside and don’t forget to lock your doors and windows” outside of Hawkins? But that is where those three would go to.

Oh shit.

After a little while you said goodnight to both your parents, deciding to actually follow the mystery. You had put on a old hoodie and some jeans you could easily run in, you crawled out of your window and started to run, appearing to the other people like you were just on an evening run while you were trying to locate the trailer park.

You weren’t that far from the trailer park or you already saw police cars and other people from town standing there. Including Robin, Steve and Dustin. Steve looked incredibly surprised when you came over to him “what are you doing here? You’re not supposed to be here!” he whispers angrily “Steve! Maybe she can help us save Eddie!” Dustin says and you look at him questionably “who is Eddie?” you whispers but Steve makes a motion like forget it “you shouldn’t be here, it’s too dangerous” “yeah, tell her Steve” Robin rolls her eyes “can you fight?” “a little?” “can you shoot?” “i’m against guns..” “well.. too damn bad” Dustin says with a grin.

What have you thrown yourself into?

The past week flew by all of a sudden, meeting Eddie “the freak” who was the suspect, knowing there is a baseball team on the loose, looking for Eddie to kill him. But also knowing that, Hawkins is cursed. Dustin, Max and Steve toldr you all over the demogorgon and the mindflayer while you were in the shed where Eddie hid himself.

You gigled “so, Hawkins is part of D&D?” “what!? You know?! Eh well, yeah.. kind of” Steve says as he rubs his neck “Damn, a hot girl who knows D&D, welcome to hawkins” Eddie winks “thanks” “but that’s not the point, people are in danger here. Terrible danger” Robin says as she throws some food to Eddie like a dog “that girl, in the trailer park. That’s something new, we-“ “we call it Vecna” “oh hell no” you mumble, knowing Vecna from d&d. this couldn’t end well. You sit down with the group to make a plan on how to capture Vecna. It all sounded so surreal to you.

Untill you ended up in the upside down with Nancy, Robin, Eddie and Steve. Scared to death while Steve got attacked by demobats. Whilst you 4 were fighting them off you were keeping an eye on Steve, over the past week you two were together a lot. Mostly on babysit duties in the mall on the kids or getting food for Eddie. You two talked alot and it didn’t came to you both as a surprise that you had a lot in common. You have the same music taste, interest in movies. Activities as well.

Finally getting rid of the demobats you saw how bad they had attacked Steve “we need to patch him up first!” you exclaimed worriedly helping him up with Eddie “are you okay?” “do I look okay?!” Steve shouts “goddamn bats” he mutters under his breath and you can’t help but giggle. After patching him up in nancy’s house “guys, I think we’re in the past. My guns aren’t here” Nancy says and you all sigh “well.. what do we do now?’

After contacting dustin, lucas and erica you figured to go to eddie’s place to look if there is indeed another gate. You kept your eye on steve, knowing how badly hurt he is and he notices you staring “don’t worry y/n, i’ll live. I’ve been through worse” he winks making you scoff “shut up Harrington, i was so scared okay” you say as you kick against a rock outside of eddie’s house and steve smiles “you? Were scared? Don’t make me laugh” Steve always thought you were a bit feisty, hotheaded. But scared? No way “i was okay, i thought i would lose you” you look at the ground trying to fight the tears “hey, look at me. I’m here, okay? I’m not leaving without you” he says as he grabs your hand and holds it tightly while you walk into Eddie’s trailer.

You both yelped when you saw a stick come through the roof and you jumped behind Steve “hey guys!!” Dustin says “he is a crazy but smart idiot” you whisper and steve nods “it’s his tone mostly” Eddie says and you both nod in response. After Robin and Eddie both had climbed up the makeshift rope Dustin made you both look at eachother “after you” Steve says as he helps you up, Robin helps you have a safe land and you both sit down ready for Steve to come up.. or down.. how ever you look at it “will you be okay? With your wounds?” you started to get nervous, what if he gets a shot of pain through his abdomen “I will be fine, remember. I won’t go without you’ he grunts as he tries to hoist himself up. After his safe landing you can’t help but carefully hug him “okay first you need some real medical attention” you say “from a hot nurse?” Steve winks “Jesus H. Christ”

[dccomicsimagines]

My Business - Clark Kent x Reader

Requested by Anon -  A superman x reader imagine with the prompt: "I found your nose! It was in my business."

Requested by warblinglion0  - Hi! Could I request a Clark Kent imagine please??

***

Clark closed his eyes against the blowing snow. He flew over the city, using his super hearing to guide him. The city was quieter than normal. The snowstorm had shut almost everything down. 

He sighed, swooping down to help a woman carry home groceries. “Thank you, Superman,” she shouted once she was at her building. Clark waved at her and took off into the sky again. 

Most of his day was spent helping stranded people with the storm. He had already written his article about the impact of the storm on Metropolis’ sewer system. Perry could forgive boring content when the storm created a slow news day. Clark snorted. He bet Lois found some kind of amazing story in this weather. 

He landed on the top of the Daily Planet. The cold air felt sharp in his lungs. It reminded him of winters at home. He looked out at the snow covered city, thinking of turning in. A cup of hot chocolate while watching that documentary he felt would give him an edge in a story he was researching. He felt warm already. 

“Get lost, jerk.” Your voice hit his ears. Clark’s eyes widened in surprise. It was like he was subconsciously listening for you sometimes. Your voice always came to him in the moments he never suspected. 

He floated into the air, searching for you. You sounded too close to be at your apartment across town. 

“Stupid, country bum,” a man’s voice echoed near you. Clark heard a door slam. He flew faster before slowing when he found you trudging through the snow in the street. His stomach dropped at how underdressed you were. You didn’t even have a coat on.

He almost flew down to you, but he stopped himself. People couldn’t see Superman around you. Too risky. He quickly flew to his apartment only a block away. Changing into regular clothes, he made sure to pick up an extra coat for you before zooming back to you. 

***

You wrapped your arms around yourself and cursed your situation. Why didn’t you bring a coat? Why did you decide to go the the club during a snowstorm? You shook your head, feeling the snow settled on your head. Everything was shut down. You shivered, crossing the street to make the long walk home. 

“(Y/N)? What are you doing out here?” Clark’s voice made you jump. You spun around, seeing him run over to you. Ironically, he was dressed for the weather. Funny since he couldn’t feel the cold. “Where’s your coat?” He had an extra coat over his arm, which he quickly wrapped around you. You slipped your arms in the sleeves, noting how warm it was. 

A shaky laugh escaped you. “I found your nose. It’s in my business...again.” You tapped his nose before struggling to zip up the coat. Your fingers were already numb, burning from the cold. Clark shook his head, smiling as he zipped it for you. 

“Come on. It’s too far for you to go home now. My place is nearby.” He wrapped a strong arm around you and led you home. “Now why are you out in this weather?”

He was so warm and his big frame blocked the wind. “Well, I got invited to a club by some friends of Lucy’s.” You bit your lip. “I thought I’d go, but then one of the guys started making fun of me when I didn’t know what...” You stopped yourself from spilling the embarrassing conversation. “Never mind.” 

“You’re always getting in trouble.” Clark unlocked his building’s front door and held it open for you. You hurried inside, stomping your feet to knock off the snow. Shivers rocked your body, you could have swore ice was forming on your body. 

“And you’re always popping up to help.” You rolled your eyes. “I never would have thought my good old brother, Pete, would ask you to keep an eye on me so much. Do you two even talk that much anymore?” 

“We do.” Clark bit his lip. Pete Ross didn’t call him that much, but they always caught up when Clark went home for a visit. It was actually during one of those visits that Pete asked Clark to keep an eye on his younger sibling who got it into their head to move to Metropolis. Pete thought you were in over your head, and honestly, most of the time you were. 

You pulled Clark’s jacket closer as you both headed to the elevator. “I mean there was that time where I was in that bad roommate situation, so you helped me move. Then I wanted to rent that one place for really cheap and you stepped in to show me how bad it was. Of course, then you came in with that offer to live with Lucy Lane in a nicer part of town.” 

Clark blushed slightly. “Well, it’s the least I could do. I mean you’re practically family, (Y/N).” 

Your stomach soured slightly. You were afraid he only saw you as Pete’s little tagalong sibling. Who could blame him when you felt so helpless most of the time? “I personally think it’s because you want to make up for breaking up my mud mask business in the fifth grade.” 

He laughed hard, almost doubling over. “You were taking mud from the pond and mixing it with your mother’s perfume. It made three people break out in hives.” 

“I had a warning label on it.” You smiled at his reaction. “And it was five dollars a bottle.” 

Clark shook his head. “Ma actually bought one from you. She didn’t use it though. In fact, I think she still has it sitting in the garage.” 

“Too bad for her. Lana swore by it. Said it cleared up her acne just like that.” You snapped your fingers, chuckling along with him. The elevator doors opened and Clark led the way down the hall to his apartment. 

“In all seriousness though, you shouldn’t have went out with a storm on the way. The city shuts down during snowstorms.” Clark unlocked his apartment door and pushed it open to let you in first. 

“The club was still open.” You wandered inside, flicking on the lights to take in the bland surroundings. The only personal items were a framed newspaper article and three family pictures of the Kents. 

“Stupidly still open, yes.” Clark shut the door and locked it. “I’ll make some hot chocolate. Make yourself comfortable, (Y/N).” He took off his coat and shook it out before pulling off his shoes. You kept the coat on, still warming up. 

Clark went into the kitchen and you trailed behind him. “Were you as helpless as me when you first moved here?” you asked suddenly as you took a seat at the counter. Clark blinked, turning to look at you while he turned on the stove. 

“Yes. I had no idea what I was doing and I had a few tricky situations myself.” He smiled. “I’m glad I can help you not to make the same mistakes I did.” 

You hummed. He turned back to start warming up the milk. “Of course it was easier for you. Being Superman and all.” Clark flinched, looking at you with wide eyes. You laughed at the sight. “I know. I know. We’re not supposed to talk about it. It’s the thing we know, but never speak of.” 

Clark sighed. “I don’t think that made it easier for me.” He cleared his throat, turning back to the stove. “It was hard to hide my powers. To have some much noise around me all the time. Not to mention when I decided to become Superman.” 

You watched him, noting the tension in his shoulders. Part of you wanted to go hug him, but you resisted. You didn’t know how he would react. “I remember the first time we knew for sure that you were something special. It was during winter break one year. You, Pete, and Tommy Johnson were trying to go ice fishing at the lake. I followed you because you wouldn’t let me come and I was being stubborn.”

“You fell through the ice because you walked on the thin part.” Clark hummed, getting out the chocolate mix. 

“No one would have noticed, but you heard me scream.” You crossed your arms. The chill from the freezing water felt like a permanent scar every time you thought back on that day. “I went under the ice and I couldn’t find a way to get out.” 

“I dived in after you.” Clark mixed in the chocolate slowly. You wondered if he was remembering how cold the water was too, even though he didn’t get cold. “I had to break through the ice once I found you. Pete and Tommy ran over to help. I let them pull us out. Tommy couldn’t believe I broke through the ice, but Pete told him it was thin there too.”

“None of us said anything about it, but you did save my life that day.” You took a deep breath, slipping off your chair. Taking off his coat, you were finally warm enough. “We always knew, but never really talked about it. I remember I tried to ask Pete to ask you to lift this big rock for me and he slapped my face.” 

“He slapped you?” Clark spun to you, staring at your cheek like Pete just slapped you right this second. You chuckled and touched your cheek. It had stun a lot. You cried at the time.

“Pete was protecting you. Like I said it’s the thing we all knew, but never talked about.” Your face burned at the concern on his face. “I’m fine, Clark.” 

Clark bit his lip, turning away to grab two mugs out of the cabinet. You snorted when you saw he had a superman mug. “Ma gave this to me. She thought it was funny.” He handed you a filled mug and turned off the stove. 

“It is if you know.” You took a sip, licking your lips. “This is good.”

“Thanks, I learned from the best.” Clark took a sip of his own hot chocolate. “I was going to watch a documentary for work if you want join me? Otherwise, we can just watch regular TV, I’m not picky.” 

You headed into the living room and made yourself comfortable on his couch. “The documentary is fine. I like learning.”

“I bet Mrs. G just rolled over in her grave at that.” Clark laughed. “I remember how you made her so mad that her face turned completely red like she was going to burst into flames.” 

“Good times.” You laughed, relaxing as Clark sat down beside you. Shyly, he grabbed a blanket and covered you and himself with it. You hesitated before cuddling into his side.

Clark paused. You saw a mixed expression of emotions cross his face. “You comfortable?”

“Yep.” You took another sip from your mug. Clark relaxed and turned on the documentary. The two of you snuggled while the snowstorm raged outside.

***

The next morning, Clark was startled to hear eggs frying in the kitchen. He slowly got out of bed and was about to leave his bedroom until he remembered you. Quickly, he pulled on an old Smallville High t-shirt. No reason to scare you with his bare chest. 

You were in the kitchen. Clark stopped in the doorway, his breath taken away. He had forgotten he had given you a shirt of his to wear. You turned when you heard his gasp. “Good morning.” You waved innocently before turning back to the stove. “I hope you don’t mind that I made us breakfast. I figured it was the least I could do since you let me stay here last night.”

“Well, I wasn’t going to send you out into the storm.” Clark sat down at the table. His body threatened to burst into flames. Why did you look so good in his shirt?

“You could have flown me home.” Clark watched you as you made a plate for him. He almost groaned at how domestic it was. Part of him wished you could be here every morning. However, the other part of him knew you were Pete Ross’ sibling. Off limits.

Clark cleared his throat. You set the plate in front of him. “Thank you.” He dug into the food to distract himself from the racing thoughts. 

You laughed and made a plate for yourself. Clark tensed when you sat down right next to him. “So it’s still snowing outside,” you said, picking at your food.

“It is.” Clark glanced out the window at the winter wonderland outside. “I’ll have to insist you stay here.”

“Oh, you wouldn’t have to insist.” You met his eye, winking at him. “But what are we going to do all day long?”

Clark took a big bite of eggs. His heart fluttered at your wink. “I do have to write an article, but after we could...I don’t know...maybe break out that game we used to play?”

“You still have that? And you have it here?” You gasped, clapping your hands. 

“Ma sent it to me a year ago. Said I might need it.” Clark chuckled. He avoid mentioning that Ma only sent it after she found you out were moving to Metropolis. Come to think of it, Clark wondered if Ma knew something he didn’t. Then again, she always did.

You went into a story about when you all first played the game. Clark listened, remembering it himself. You, Pete, and Clark played the game for the first time in the basement of his house while there was a tornado warning. A warm fuzzy feeling came to his chest. Clark decided then and there that he would call Pete once you went home and ask him for permission to ask you out.