#twitter makes me anxious

[anonymocha]

my meds kicked in (neg) and it brought back my irrational fear of my art reaching twitter and people making a double-digit pages callout document of me

[weevmo]

Did I mention I have a BlueSky ?? Well I do - so HERE !

^ Duck enjoying some nice hot bean water above -

[chains-of-others]

Well, Sinclair? You’ve grown a spine, coming all the way here!

[kumakuma-circus]

behold. my narukujikuma + souyorise agenda. i'm cooking.

[sillygh0st]

There is a very cute clip of fit felling philza about how pac and mike met for the first time and created the tazercraft channel I need to find it BUT WHERE IS IT SOMEONE HELP ME

[anglerflsh]

can I be gay for a second. hi. redrew a photo

[secretarysong]

would like for everyone to know that i am currently knee deep in an nsr-themed miitopia playthrough ... here's my main 4 + ellie(neigh)tor

[montymollusk]

“kids are so stupid these days, the ipad babies are ruining the world, ten year olds skip school and goes to sephora—“ do you have any idea what it’s been like to go to american public school within the last 15 years? can you blame a child for not wanting to spend 8 hours a day in a place where their safety and autonomy aren’t just not considered, but are blatantly denied?

mass shootings every day. funding being cut. school lunches— which were already the bare minimum in terms of nutrition— being removed. those alone would give anyone trauma, but even without those things the power structures inside of the average public school are designed to wring the individuality out of a child. (and that’s not even mentioning the way that neurodivergent kids are left out to dry by the school system, or how any marginalized kid can be tortured by their peers with no repercussions!) it’s designed to be miserable, and yet somehow people are surprised that kids don’t want to be there.

sandy hook happened in 2012, and nothing changed. uvalde ten years later, and still nothing. kids were forced back into overcrowded, unsanitary classrooms while covid was still killing thousands every day— most after having missed critical social development during lockdown, which there was no support for recovering from. children are being forced to see politicians debate the “ethics” of feeding them, letting them express their gender identity, allowing them to access accurate information about history as if their futures are just hypothetical. along with that is the social media boom, where marginalized people can create communities like never before, and those same kids are realizing that the systems they’ve been shoved into are broken. they’re being showed how awful the situation really is, and still completely powerless to change anything.

can you imagine having to go through all that and still pass your standardized fucking tests? my god, it’s a wonder that schools aren’t completely empty by now. we’re getting there though— i can’t count how many stories i’ve heard of kids dealing with truancy charges because of how many days of school they’ve “skipped” due to extreme anxiety or burnout. i’m one of them! i barely graduated in 2018, and the conditions were leagues better then!

people bitch about the “decline in intelligence” between generations, as if it’s the kids fault for the state of the world, as if this isn’t the inevitable conclusion for the public school system in this country. it feels deliberately ignorant— have you not watched the news recently? does it not evoke any empathy, does it not fill you with rage? how in the world could you pin the blame on kids here?

everyone says protect the children, and yet. fuckin sickening.

[canisonicscrewyou]

Much like at the end of 2019 when I had daily "the world is ending the world is fuckingending" panic attacks for a while, I do think my solution is logging the fuck off more often. I recommend everyone do that, actually. It helps loads.

[aroceu]

i'm making this post mostly to vent, but also to reflect.

being in mdzs fandom was the first time being in fandom felt like... "content," to me. like i was a creator who WAS obliged to the masses, who was seen as holding some social power because i was interested in creating works for people to enjoy, rather than enjoying them myself. even though i am both: i am someone who likes to read as much as i like to write. i like enjoying as much as i like creating things for people to enjoy. i don't believe in this dichotomy, and i sure as hell didn't come into fandom for parasocial attention.

one of the problems definitely was that i was on twitter more than i was writing, and i was thinking of ways to game the algorithm so i stayed on people's feeds, because of the way twitter began to work, because of my own anxiety, and because subconsciously i understood the landscape. i didn't like it but i knew it. and too much was going on in my life that i couldn't take a step back and realize how much it was negatively affecting me.

still, it felt weird and strange and wrong to have followers with bios that said things like "don't perceive me i'm just here to read." strangers who would reply to my posts with over-familiarity and rudeness and said they were justified because i had over 1000 followers on twitter, because that is apparently a marker of how you are "allowed" to treat another stranger online. throwing around the terms "bnf" and "popular" as if they mean something beyond being similar to how american high schools work. i saw people group me and my friends who also had a lot of followers as this exclusive class of people in the fandom because we liked making things for other people to enjoy and we had a lot of followers, and therefore they could treat and generalize us all in weird dehumanizing ways because of it. i saw people complain that if any of us said anything "problematic" or "wrong" then it was a moral failing on the rest of us if we didn't publicly call it out.

and like. fandom is not a content creation space. at least, not to me. while i do like attention and making a big number even bigger—like i'm not gonna lie, it does give me dopamine!—i didn't come here to generate a parasocial audience. i came here to make cool stuff and also make friends. and now with people who follow me because they like the things i make and less so me, something i now struggle with that i didn't used to in fandom is: do i follow people back? do these people see me as someone they want to admire and have a parasocial relationship with, or do they want to be friends? this post is a little bit of a PSA as well, i suppose: while i don't believe that everyone in fandom/who now follows me has this content creation mindset, i know there are people who do, and i don't know how to interact with strangers anymore. if you don't want me to interact with you and just want to admire me from afar, i want to respect that boundary. at the same time, i do like making friends. and i want to make friends with people who are just purely curious about me, not because i'm put on this parasocial pedestal.

i also don't think this is a problem with mdzs fandom specifically, or even necessarily just for fandom itself. i think a lot of spaces online have turned into this: where not only your social power but also your personhood, your identity starts and ends with how big the number next to your name is, and is an indicator to a stranger how humanizing you can treat them. make your private assumptions or judgments about me; i have no control over them so i don't care. but i am still a human behind the screen as much as you. i struggle with my day to day stuff as much as anyone else. and i want to make friends over that. i want to commiserate and bond with people; and while i won't pretend that i don't think there is a little more "influence" if the number next to your name is a bit bigger, i don't think it should detract from the reality that if someone has 30 followers or 3000, they are still human.

unless they're a bot.

but i'm also mostly making this post because let's face it: most of the friends i've made in any fandom, historically, have been either because i was a fan of their work, or they were a fan of mine. and that's what fandom is all about—an exchange, a conversation. why are we reinventing rigid hierarchies based on follower count? why should someone who likes my fics or someone whose fics i like be treated any differently, because of the role we play in this exchange? (and why should whose fanfic you enjoy say something about you as a person... but that's a different conversation lol) there are actual content creators i like, content creators who profit monetarily based purely on that, and the monetary profit is their primary motivator in having that label, that career in the first place. but that is not fandom, to me. fandom is not a job and i am not here to profit (all of my works and thoughts are free!), and in no way has money ever played a role in my existence in fandom. it is what it's always been: to make cool things and to meet cool people. and if nothing else, it's a bit disappointing to realize that not everyone feels the same.

anyway! tl;dr if you're interested in talking to me and being friends feel free to always reach out. i also know that my own response times can be spotty (another flaw of mine, alas) but i'm mostly making this post to say that i am not someone who thinks of myself as separate from my audience, and that my numbers/output mean very little to how willing i am to engage. i can get overwhelmed as much as anyone else, but in my heart if you're interested in a dialogue with me, then i am too. because that's what being in fandom is all about.

[venomgaia]

just wanted to say i love your heathcliff art with allcof my heart. Thank youALSO DO YOU HAVE A TWITTER

WAAAH THANK YOUUUU

i love drawing him....hes such a neat guy, i hope things get better for him cuz he's havin A Time

[disposal-blueeee]

doodlesssss

scriabin belongs to zarla-s

edgar belongs to jhonen vasquez

[tariah23]

Man, I still remember participating in one of the many jjba zines that I took part in and how my piece was placed as the first page (for the second time) and how one of my mutuals/artists that I’ve always admired, hit me with the “oh… you’re on the front page again… 😅…” like man, that kind of killed me lmfao. I never got over it like man, what was that about.

[delightful-69]

.

[wind-up-thancred]

maybe the worst take possible to have on this website but i actually don't really understand the desire some folks have to see their favorite characters injured and bloody and whatnot. not judging at all bc it's not my place to, obviously, i just... don't understand it i guess. usually when i like a character i generally want to see them happy. maybe i'm the weird one for that idk

[cardhamine]

It's going to take a while before I can figure out lighting and color on this one, so I'm just going to go ahead and put the sepiascale up!