#for some reason posting on twitter makes me feel extremely anxious

[disposal-blueeee]

doodlesssss

scriabin belongs to zarla-s

edgar belongs to jhonen vasquez

[82mitsu]

Previously translated pair names that had been posted to Twitter. However corrections had to be made (misinterpretations & an instance of mistranslation), so this is version 2.

Note: This is the only translated thing I will be posting, I am not off hiatus. I had been meaning to archive this before my hiatus, but I also had to fix some things, which is why there was a delay.

Please consult to this post only regarding pair name translations done by me (82mitsu), any other posts or reposts you might see of this chart is the older version. (Previous version has been deleted, but I'm unaware how far the information had spread.)

If any other corrections need to be made, feel free to contact me and I'll make them as soon as possible.

Below follows an extreme lengthy TL note breaking down some pair names, it's a lot of text, so be warned once you unfold the read more.

A lot of research went into these due to 18TRIPs tendency to mix up words, use Gen-Z slang that hasn’t been picked up by everyone yet (or limited to TikTok) and make up their own words (“Omotenashisto” -> “Hospitalister”). I used dictionaries, searched forum results, looked up how people use these words on social media, went TikTok digging, etc.

I tried my best to localize in a way that should make sense even without added context. I only explained the ones that I thought might needed some more back-up in a cultural sense or because it was a specific JPN thing. Thus, not everything has been explained. However, I hope things are clearer compared to the first version that was posted. For Renga & Yukikaze: For ぽゆぽゆ (poyupoyu) there is no definition or anything for this word, but from context clues and digging through how people used it, I deduced that it means something soft and squishy like a plushie or cheeks, so to say. For Renga & Liguang: かりそめの宿縁 (karisome no shukuen) is a Japanese saying about a fated connection of bond that only lasts for a brief moment, but leaves a deep impact on your life. For Renga & Raito: Party is mispelled in the katakana as “paachii” and not the usual “paatii”. Renga has a tendecy to say English words wrong. While “friends” is spelled the correct way, both words have been “mispelled” to drive the point home. For Renga & Kinari: なぁぜなぁぜ (naaze, naaze) is JPN Gen-Z slang from Tiktok. It’s a statement made as an act for complaining, with a bit of sarcasm and irony thrown in at times. Like, “I said I wanna diet but I ate a big meal anyway! なぁぜなぁぜ” or “I’m an idol but I get more anxious doing improv than performances! なぁぜなぁぜ”. Best way I can describe the usage in this context is Renga is throwing a bit of a self-aware tantrum as to why Kinari would correct him. (As mentioned earlier, he isn’t good at English). I guessed a close equivalent would be “nuh-uh”, since that is a dismissal of someone else’s opinion without actual good reason, even if the other person has a point. For Renga & Netaro: まんまん (manman) means “a lot” but I also believe it’s a reference to meatbuns (nikuman). For Kafka & Yodaka: Hanbei is Takenaka Shigeharu, a Japanese samurai from the Sengoku era. He was known for being Toyotomi Hideyoshi’s strategist. For Liguang & Yodaka: 闘牌伝 (touhaiden) is related to Mahjong stuff. 闘牌伝 seems to be an old timey Mahjong video game with RPG elements. Rekka is a fighting game term, and I will quote the website The Fighting Game Glossary by Infil on this: “A type of special move that has multiple stages, as long as you input more commands to continue the sequence. Not all multi-part specials can be called rekkas though; a rekka tends to have exactly three distinct parts and will move your character forward along the ground with each new input.”  For Akuta & Nanaki: They went to the same kindergarten and were grouped together in the “Oden Class”. Japanese kindergartens, from my understanding from researching, tend to have a name for their class, rather than a number. To give an idea what such names could be, in 2019 the website hyenasclubs hosted a poll of most commonly used names for classes, and the top 3 were ���baby chick” (hiyoko), “peach” (momo) and “dandelion” (tanpopo). For Akuta & Muneuji: My take on はっけよい輝矢部屋 (hakkeyoi kaguya heya) is a bit of an elaborate bit joking with Princess Kaguya of the Moon (from Tale of the Bamboo Cutter) because I was wondering why they suddenly opted for Muneuji’s last name instead of first. (I might’ve also just overestimated Kaguya Heya being some joke on Kaguya Hime). Hakkeyoi is what a referee shouts at the start of a sumo wrestling match. For Akuta & Ushio: I think ポジティブに腕押し (positive ni ude oshi) is a take on 暖簾に腕押し (noren ni ude oshi) that means something has no effect or is pointless. Lit. it means “pushing a curtain with one's arm”.    For Akuta & Tao: Akuta Nine is a joke on the baseball movie Gyakkyo Nine which is an adaptation of the manga of the same series, I believe. The movie is referred to as GK9, hence I made it AKT9.  For Akuta & Ryui: The original is OYAxKOBU which comes from 親分子分 (oyabunkobun) meaning “boss and his underlings”. Akuta also calls Ryui by “Oyabun”.

For Kiroku & Nanaki: Weebs who watch highschool anime should be familiar with this, but emergency staircase refers to the hallway stairs in a JPN highschool that are sometimes used as chilling out spots by students. For Kiroku & Chihiro: TuRyStA is the clothing brand they wear. 18TRIP has a various selection of clothing brands, which each character having a preference for one or another. For Kiroku & Yodaka: Zhao Yun, as quoted by Wikipedia, “was a military general who lived during the late Eastern Han dynasty and early Three Kingdoms period of China.” For Ushio & Raito: Some heavy freedom was taken with バスボムしゅわリスト (basubamu shuwaristo). After considering how to approach it in the most sensical way, I decided to translate it as “bubblist” due the other options being “hand sign list” or “bubble list”. I thought リスト might function as in -ist, like dentist, artist, guitarist. しゅわ comes from しゅわしゅわ which means bubbly. Although bubblist isn’t not that common, it is sometimes referred to entertainers that do bubble performances (in English). And I think it made more sense than “hand sign list” or “bubble list” to say the least. This was also taking in consideration how 18TRIP, as explained in the intro, gets very creative with its language usage. For Raito & Nagi: Mandarin ducks symbolize “soulmates” of some kind in China. In other words, Mandarin Duck Touring is more along the lines of “Motorcycle touring soulmates”. However, I find the mandarin duck reference and interesting pull compared to just “soulmates”, so it was kept as is. For Kinari & Ryui: “Super Darling Gap Inspection” is more along the original lines. “Gap” in Japanese is usually used in the context of when someone acts one way, but unexpectedly, can act a different way. Ex. A very shy person shows they can be super vulgar, that can be considered a “gap” of some kind. In English, people are more familiar with “gap moe”, thus gap moe was used. For Tao & Nagi: Might be a reference to Yokohama’s Zo-no-hana (Elephant Nose) Park. For Toi & Yodaka: The original is more along the lines of, in the most literal sense, “going around raisins circle (of friends).” Toi likes raisins, but Yodaka doesn’t, so Yodaka passes them onto Toi. I’ve turned into on a play on “sharing is caring” since that’s a common concept in English.

[essayofthoughts]

🦋🕯️💌 for the emoji ask game!

🦋what are you most insecure about when you post a fic?

Not really insecure about anything these days? I've posted a truly absurd amount of fic and my previous fandoms include Harry Potter (TERF author can go rot) and MCU (... character roundabouts abound and the tonky stans refuse to admit it) so ... fandoms don't scare me much, I'm liberal with the block and delete buttons and I'm pretty confident in my own writing ability and general standing as a fanfic author.

I think the only thing I tend to worry about is my tags? I always either miss something, or tag something in a slightly weird way there's probably something better for. If you ever notice a fic of mine that could do with either tag pruning or an additional tag - please do let me know. I once managed to forget to add Whump to a fics tags and only remembered when a commenter mentioned it, I promise, I will not be mad.

🕯️how do you think engaging with each other through tumblr, twitter, comments, kudos, creates healthy fandom experiences? How do you deal with that if you’re not a social person/experience social anxiety?

See, I am Bad At People. I had very few friends going up and whether or not I have any neurodivergency (unknown, not unlikely, Dad almost definitely is, but I also have trauma from bullying and a shitty ex to complicate matters) I don't always socialise so good. I tend to observe social interactions and write them well, but outside of my close friends I get very antsy about interacting with new people.

This is why, generally, I stay in my own lane on tumblr; I'll post my metas and analysis here or in response to asks and only occasionally add them to other posts - and then posts by either people I know or, for whatever reason, feel comfortable enough to add to. I used to be a lot more fighty but frankly that intersects with my social shit badly and I am trying to keep to things which spark joy, even if people being wrong on the internet regularly makes me want to fight them.

Anyway. Comments are also easy because like - an awful lot of people don't respond to your comments? And it's a massive load off my anxious back to know I can just leave a comment and probably won't get any response. And then, if there is a response, it's often delightful because I wasn't expecting it and it's to a comment I probably put way too much thought into which means there's often something fun to discuss. Likewise - I love when people comment on my work with clearly thought out considerations and I know, from my own experiences, that many don't expect a reply and it'll be a nice surprise for them.

And, like I said - I'm trying to keep to things which spark joy. Spreading that joy in fandom is one such. World sucks enough - lets not add to it.

💌share something with us about an up-and-coming work (WIP) that has you excited!

So uh.

I reblogged a meta from @exhaustedwerewolf a lil while back and it's because of that meta that Kash is now eating my brain apparently? I have gained a new blorbo. I will be resuming my other WIPs soonish - the intense rush of writing has definitely tapered off some - but uh. Now I have 2(.5) new WIPs, centring on Kash and Zahra.

Oops?

Look I just really like poking at characters and their trauma and Kash and Zahra are both fun and drastically different examples.

Anyway so uh.

From what we hear of Kash's backstory, that boy was raised in a cult? I'm so glad I've listened to the Gangster Capitalism series on Liberty University and read/watched/listened as much as I have to stuff about cults and cult-like entities and abuse within those structures because uh.

Boy has some shit to pick through!

(It's extremely engaging.)

[lunarstrider]

Okay I see a D2 call to arms to show off OCs so I actually post all not nearly enough pics of my beloved guardians

Here we go, Ethan-3 (1-3), Ayne-11 (4-6) and Vermilion-7 with previous lads (the rightmost man; I simply don't have a separate piece with him uhh my bad)

I can't in any compehensible way describe HOW MUCH I really love them all - I'll just say they kinda keep me alive in some meanings

People here and on Twitter (we all gonna deadname it right??? I don't make rules) showed them some love in return, and I hope they keep shining for anyone who sees it now (or again! hewwo dear followers and moots I love you all!)

SO. While my head is buzzing with excitement to talk about my D2 OCs I'm gonna spill some fun facts. About Ethan:

A golden retriever type

Despite the fact above is called Reaper for a reason - killings on the edge of madness are a bad thing to live with u'know

Ghost's name is simple as it is - Licht (for short in german; Little Light for full) and is given out of deep appreciation for all he has done

Tries his best to be better person

Still feels resentment when looks in the mirror and sees a face of a deadlands murderer

MALEWIFE MATERIAL (delicious soups included)

runs an armory and weapon repairs shop at the Tower with his beloved titan gf (featuring the 3d pic - Fang)

will make anything a throwing weapon - even this out-of-ammo shotgun

has a grumpy sibling

About Ayne:

His name is a slightly tweaked name for a star in Taurus constellation

His ghost's name is Aldie and stands as short name of main star in the same constellation

Therefore, they're a perfect team of guardian and ghost

Despite all this, Ayne's zodiac sign is Virgo (I delight the irony tho; his Venus, on other hand, is Taurus!)

He is Hidden, specialty - field scouting, diversions, Darkness research

Workaholic

Melee combatant, swordsman

Got used to work strictly alone

Speedy driving issues

Had a bit different personality before he lost his entire fireteam

Still processes trauma and has PTSD

Ice queen behaviour in public

Turns out as quite blissful person if one earns his trust

Last time he didn't work solo ended up in marriage with that one titan quiet and reliable enough to have Ayne's sneaky attention

His husband is actully Ethan's brother (lmao gottem; checkout pic 6)

About Vermilion:

Very quiet, almost speechless and a bit socially anxious exo

Extremely skilled technician, a Splicer too

Roams the Last City from time to time just to help people with their tech things for free

Is sure, that even in these godforsaken times there is place for kindness and good deeds

Loves to work with natural material, e.g stones

Made an amulet for everyone in his former hunt-pack out of gratitude

Sticks to solar powers in remembrance of this exact hunt-pack and everything they taught him - how to smile, sing and trust again

His entire back is replaced with different pieces that were fitting - the scars and damage done to his original back plates were irreparable

He seems shy (he really is shy but keeps fighting this)

His ghost, Hela, enjoys puns. Her faves are those she makes about Vermilion

Short king, this one!

OOF THAT'S QUITE A LOT BUT NEARLY NOT EVERYTHING ABOUT MY BLORBOS

I do hope that anyone who read till here enjoyed these (somewhat sad but i tried my best to keep them fun!) facts!

Please, hit me in DMs or anywhere if you wanna know more! I'd love to talk more <:

HEY D2 TUMBLR OC ENJOYERS!

Do you have a Destiny OC? I draw them all the time- I'm known for my Exo OCs! I want to see YOURS! Any race, species, be it casual "just a dude" or the 7th son of Oryx, I want to see them! Tell me about them!!! I want to draw them, I specialize in Exos but I REALLY want to learn more about the community on here. Be it big or small, please don't be shy!! I want to know sooo much. You can even submit a whooole block of text and only ingame screenshots if you're not the artistic type. Examples of my D2 OC art here:

[elmozzosays]

The One Second Decision

I meant to write this a couple days ago. I did announce it over twitter but life and plans for the better happened along the way. Found a day when I could sit down and put down a couple of paragraphs to detail my 1 second decision. But what is it? it’s not what you think. I am fully aware about my preferences. Stay here and I'll further explain: 

November 2022: on fully working season. Every place at the food industry is blooming with constant pressure and long hours to work. At that moment I was well, eating whatever I could find, going with friends after work for drinks and sightly resting. It took a toll. Some people started to notice something in me that I was not fully aware: I was gaining weight. People’s opinions about me are not relevant, but when more people noticed, it was something to analyze. 

By the end of the World Cup, I was invited to shoot a baby shower. Some coworkers were invited. I was extremely exhausted and basically went home and passed out in bed. I had missed calls by 2 girls who were there, wondering where I was. A chance missed. Something could've sparked there but it is what it is. 

At the beginning of 2023 a surprise boost at my workplace occurred (from January to March is dead season) but this one was different. I was glad but my mood, physique was getting at a low point. All these months of every day drinking were affecting me that I secretly dealt with a minor depression, not even my friend who I hang out the most knew. One of my coworkers gave birth and she insisted to visit her and I had to decline several times. I later revealed to her the real reason and she understood. it wasn't bullshit, it was some serious stuff. 

Reaching 40 made me realize a lot of things. I need to make serious changes, especially body wise. One day after taking a shower I look at the mirror fully naked and realize something: A change must be made. I look disgusting! beer belly, no muscle, weak. On Thursday, March 16 a decision was made and it only took 1 second to make it happen: I embarked into a commitment fully to myself: Improved everything about me, leave behind all sorts of addictions (drinking) and start on a new regimen. I always had dumbbells laying around the house. Bought them a long time ago and used them from time to time but nothing serious. This time, I set the rules. Started with 3 day workout of 40 mins with weights, quit drinking (mostly) meaning I don't drink every day like I used to. Also, change my eating routine. Left aside what my body don't need. Now I see food as fuel. 

Ditching those bad habits was as simple as 1,2,3. I must admit, I gotta thank my Military school background for the early mindset I was given back In the early 90′s. That still happens to this day. Discipline is my ultimate drive. 

I have made the 3 month mark since I decided to change. It was hard at first, but like my sister told me, It’s better now than later. People stared to notice the change and it’s not accident: the effort I'm putting now, will reflect tomorrow. It’s a long ride, but every step counts. My minor depression went away, I no longer feel sad or anxious about stupid shit, determination for what I want to do shows up every day: I perform better at work, eat right, rest better and an overall change is reflected. 3 months ago, none of that was present. None. 

I am also more confident. Clothes that didn’t fit, do now, my waist shrunk and now update in jeans must be made. I feel slim. no more embarrassing beer gut and for the first time, wearing a t-shirt feels natural. 

For you reading this and want to make a change for yourself: it’s never too late. We all start at something that’ll later develop into a normal part of your life. Do it for you, not for others. This change I made also risk leaving some people behind, including my 9 year friendship (on that on some other post). It was a hard decision, but it wasn't contributing anymore. 

Thanks to a decision not hard to make, I am on the other side of the fence. Focusing on what matters, on what's important: Myself. 

[andrewskennedy50]

Blog Post #1

Emma Rathbone’s article and Max Stossels's lecture brought some very interesting perspectives to the topic of social media. I appreciate Mr. Stossel’s approach to the topic of social media because it focuses on how human psychology, particularly in the developmental period of people’s lives relates to the effects of social media.

In Mr. Stossels’s lecture, his slot machine analogy helped me conceptualize how the effects of getting a “rush” from anything involving dopamine can all be extremely addicting. When I think about how social media affects me daily, I would be foolish to assume that this “rush” does not affect me somehow. Even on an app like Instagram, I find that sometimes when I make a post, I frantically return to it several times over the next few days to see how many likes it gets. Another example is that when I use Twitter and I reply to another user about a specific topic I disagree with, I feel anxious/excited feeling and check for a reply from them every ten or so minutes until it arrives. When social media gives me that “rush,” I find it hard to put my phone away and be present in the real world, even to watch a movie or share a meal with a family member.

Even though it is difficult at first, forcing myself to take a break ends up being really rewarding every time I do it by about the 3-day mark. I do this every year when I sail on a 3-day sailboat race from Port Huron, Michigan to Mackinac Island. On this race, I am on a sailboat with seven other people without internet access. The small space on the boat forces us to interact, whereas taking a “social media break” in your regular life you might do other introverted activities. On these ventures, it becomes much easier to get into the moment of things and I feel more clear-headed, but the sailboat race ends, and social media seems to always creep into my life again in one way or another. Giving up social media entirely would be difficult, and it would likely hinder access to people I have connections to, but I no longer live around.

Limiting social media in a logical and intentional way would likely be the most beneficial change for me. Some examples I would like to implement are removing all social media use before 9:00am every day and removing all social media from 8:00pm until bedtime. The time periods I mentioned are the times when I honestly would like to be relaxed and clear-headed, so that is why I chose them specifically. Mr. Stossel seems to suggest the reason that I might become more clear-headed is that we are constantly attempting to multi-task when we are glued to our phones. Once humans are forced away from their phones, they even score better on tests and retain information in general. As Ms. Rathbone puts it, “before the internet” people were allowed to be completely in the moment, even lost in it. Her article nostalgically paints images of inner peace, moments where we were all ignorantly bliss to the future where we no longer can be completely lost in the place where we are. Reading her article makes me ask questions like “if life was clearly so much better when social media was not in it, why are so many people unwilling to give it up?” and “what kind of harmful psychological effects could this bring to a species who have not had this tool for more than 30 years to adapt their brains to this type of connectivity and communication?”

How would you respond to those questions yourself? I would love to hear would you might have to say, so feel free to reply!

[straighttohellbuddy]

die mad about it {Dream/Reader/Sapnap} // Part 1

1. 2020

Summary: A retrospective on the interconnected timeline of Dream, Sapnap, and TV and film star Y/N, via social media.

2020. Dream first mentions having a housemate and refuses to say anything else, and when it turns out Sapnap knows more than he's letting on to his audience, he plays along too. Meanwhile, Y/N brings their housemate to events and yet somehow no-one seems to even know his name.

Need to Know: They/Them. Explicitly Non-Binary!Reader, early-20s!reader, reader is an incredibly well known film & tv star and has been living with Dream for several months/just over a year. Polyamory.

{ masterpost : 1/3 }

A/N: 3794 words. OKAY HELLO FRIENDS GUESS WHO'S BACK AT IT AGAIN??? its me. but also considering this is already almost 4k i decided that splitting it up into the 3 years was a good call. it's an interesting style but i like it :)

Taglist: @esylwen @ihatesunfl0wers @theghostpeach @rainyaheysoe @magicastle

Taglist is always open! Feel free to message or comment if you'd like to be added! xx

· JUNE ·

In June of 2020, Dream mentions that he has to keep his voice down during a stream, so he doesn't wake his housemate. It is the first time he's mentioned any sort of housemate. He does not mention them again.

Twitter, abuzz, seems to all share the same sentiment:

can you imagine being Dream's roommate? Do you think they know?

· JULY ·

The first trailer for Paramount's upcoming modern, dark fantasy, thriller HELIX, directed by Robert Eggers, and starring Y/N Y/L/N and Amandla Stenberg is released on July 12, 2020. After sweeping the 2019-2020 festival circuit, finally the film will see wider release in mid-November 2020. Described as a stylistic feast, the film appears to accent it's overall Film Noir aesthetics with moments of Psycho-Pop colour and movement, and proffers itself as a deconstruction of the the modern franchise villain. It's an exploration through metaphor of the idea that both the narrative and metanarrative that a villain finds themselves in pushes them to violent extremes in spite of, or even sometimes because of, the valid critiques they make of society, which often bely an anticapitalist agenda. Alongisde this, it offers critique of the modern superhero franchise's thinly-veiled role as military propaganda in Western media. The trailer is set to an orchestral cover of Mother Mother's Body with vocals by Halsey.

· AUGUST ·

In August of 2020, Y/N attends the premiere of their new movie, The New Mutants, seen here on the red carpet with Co-Star Charlie Heaton, accompanied by a friend, who declined to share his name for privacy reasons.

Twitter user @.Y/NS_EYELASH posted the following, among retweeting other, similar supportive sentiments from fellow users:

I love Y/N knowing their needs, cos I saw an interview they did a few years ago talking about how they need someone to help them stay grounded and not anxious on red carpets /1 | but also the fact that they brought their housemate, who is for all intents and purposes Just Some Guy, who won't even give his name? Yes King, Give Us Nothing /lh /2

Several tabloid articles are written speculating about the nature of Y/N and their housemate's relationship. Y/N does not respond, but does like several tweets that discuss how the media bastardises friendships and can ruin them.

----

On an alternate channel stream on August 31st, 2020, Sapnap confirms that both himself and George know, have spoken to, and consider themselves friends with Dream's housemate, but claims 'it's a bit weird sometimes, you know...' and though he trails off, he does not elaborate.

The exact reason about what Sapnap find weird about it all and why is hotly debated for a solid week. The reigning theory is jealousy that the housemate is able to see Dream in person.

· OCTOBER ·

In October 2020, at the beginning of a Zoom interview with MTV, the interviewer gives an offhand compliment about their setup and background. Y/N laughs and admits that they asked their housemate's friends for advice, and that the microphone itself is their housemate's; he also lets them borrow it for voice over work.

----

Halloween 2020; #DreamWasHaunted trends on twitter after Dream mentions that his housemate dressed as a sexy ghost for Halloween. Sapnap mentions that the mysterious housemate sent him a photo of themselves in costume, again confirming that they are good friends, but also calling it surreal. The twitter @dreams-housemate-updates is created.

Also Halloween 2020, Y/N posts photos of their costume, which consists of a sheet ghost, fishnets, and high heels, captioned 'do you think they'd still let me be in the sequel 😈💖'.

----

When the stream ends, and Dream has said his goodbyes, the only sound in the apartment is his PC cooling in the darkness. In moments like these he barely feels real, like he's given everything to his friends and his fans and he's only existing through wishful thinking.

Outside, he's sure countless people his age are losing themselves to the night, cool air turning sticky-hot in the modern day masquerade that was Halloween. His PC is silent, the LEDs of his set up have long since dimmed. He finally relaxes his shoulders, and in that moment the weight of the world slips from them.

Finally, he feels like he can stand.

The rest of the apartment is marginally cooler than his office, but it's still just as dark; pitch black and growing ever closer to midnight, so he turns on his phone light.

It's quiet enough that he half wonders if you've left to join the revelry for yourself, but thinks better of it. You would have at least texted him.

In his room is the only other light in the void darkness of the apartment; you're in his bed, on your side, reading something on your phone. Before he'd started the stream, you'd been going through the photos he took of you in your ghost costume, the two of you laughing hard enough to wheeze, but those few hours feel like a lifetime away. You cast enough light, he turns off his own.

Patches is curled up, purring, and refusing to move where she's decided to curl up practically on your forehead. Her eyes are alert, eyes shining in the glow of your phone screen; the minute she sees Dream she stands, stretches herself into a strange, tall shape, and nimbly running towards him, run just past him, and stand between his legs in the doorway, her tail wrapping around his shin.

Dream looks at Patches, and you look at him.

Yesterday the first episode of The Mandalorian had aired, and of your expansive audience of friends, fans, and followers, he was the only one who saw the way you were almost sick with nervous worry.

Now, your thumb on the screen keeps it from timing out, keeps your face aglow and tired eyes visible. His duvet is pulled up to your nose. He hadn't really expected this, but he's glad for it. No words, no sounds, the ringing in his ears in the darkness.

He pulls off his shirt, leaving him only in sweatpants, and he eases the phone out of your grip. In the moment before he locks your phone, he sees you've been going through your Twitter DMs. There's no light now, his curtains drawn, and the apartment quiet. You shuffle over to make room for him in the dark.

His touch is gentle in the dark, at first to make sure he doesn't collide with you, but then he doesn't let go. You shuffle back. The space lessens between you, and with his hand on your hip, you carefully lean to rest your forehead against his.

"I'm so tired," your voice is a weak, forlorn whisper, and he wraps his arm more securely around you.

Both swallowed by the darkness, by the silence, you know the world can't get to you here. This is a sanctuary.

There's no grand gestures, no declarations, but nothing is quite the same once you both wake up. Not different, just better.

· NOVEMBER ·

FIlming for the upcoming CW show 'Walker' starring Jared Padeleki commenced in Austin, Texas commenced in mid-October of 2020, however in early November, Y/N has been announced as an upcoming guest star in it's first season, and is travelling to film on location. Among various updates on Twitter and Instagram, they post 'turns out i can't 'Netflix and Chill',,, my friends and colleagues going on well produced adventures in the background kinda ruins the mood lmfao'.

----

@.dreams-housemate-updates: SAPNAP HAS MET UP WITH THE HOUSEMATE [quote tweet from @.sapnapalt: can confirm @dream's secret housemate is real and also they're mine now sorry no takebacks]

----

On his stream on November 3rd, 2020, Sapnap announces that Dream's housemate has been in town for work. While his chat is clamouring for answers as to who they are, he says they're sitting next to him, but communicate by text, not wanting to be identified by their voice.

"Did you take the job just to visit me?" In a clip from the stream, Sapnap's voice is overwhelmingly fond. After a moment, he adds, "I knew it, you're such a simp, you could have just asked- I won't take it back," he laughs loud and bright, "you literally took a whole job as an excuse to come visit me; you're a simp." And we can hear what is the the first and only, to this point, distinct clip of Dream's Housemate as they laugh.

Three days later, November 6, 2020, Sapnap tweets from his alt account about an impromptu watch party with Dream's Housemate for The Mandalorian Season 2, Episode 2, just after it releases:

@.sapnapalt: excited to be able to watch the new #TheMandalorian episode with dream's housemate since they know more about this series than anyone else i will probably ever meet | @.sapnapalt: #HousemateMandalorianWatchParty yeah sure but also i don't think you all fully realise WHY this is the best and worst thing ive been a part of | @.sapnapalt: immediately after watching the recap "i feel like I should remember more of that happening. or any of it." off to a GREAT start #HousemateMandalorianWatchParty | @.sapnapalt: "not to give anakin skywalker any props but he was right about sand" #HousemateMandalorianWatchParty | @.sapnapalt: "prop department my beloveds" #HousemateMandalorianWatchParty | @.sapnapalt: "costume department my beloveds" #HousemateMandalorianWatchParty | @.sapnapalt: "Pedro Pascal and his tiny muppet child my beloveds" #HousemateMandalorianWatchParty | @.sapnapalt: "tell your followers i just have a lot of love in my heart" #HousemateMandalorianWatchParty | @.sapnapalt: "tweet @.Disney that i (HousemateWasTaken) should kiss pedro pascal in season 3" #HousemateMandalorianWatchParty | @.sapnapalt: "dont tell dream tho. not because i think he'd be jealous, but id feel bad if i got to kiss pedro pascal and he didn't." #HousemateMandalorianWatchParty | @.sapnapalt: "i don't know if he wants to kiss pedro but it'd still feel unfair to me" #HousemateMandalorianWatchParty | @.dreamwastaken: i give it five minutes before they've forgotten about the episode and just actively start simping for the cast and crew ❤️

Y/N also tweeted on 6 November, 2020. As a guest star on The Mandalorian Season 1, who had been promoted to series regular for Season 2, each week they retweet several posts around the time the new episode airs. This week, they also tweeted 'it doesn't matter if ive known you five minutes or five years, if you ask to watch an episode of #TheMandalorian with me that i tell you im in, you should know that one of the things i tell you when we watch it will be 100% false and i will not tell you which' followed by 'brb tryna convince this cute guy that some of baby yoda is repurposed Kermit the Frog'.

----

As of the middle of November, 2020, there is wild speculation about who Y/N was rumoured to be seeing whilst in Texas, though no evidence beyond two tweets from the beginning of the month point to them being close to anyone. Several Instagram story posts have highlighted their love of the people around them in the state, and also deriding the several paparazzi they've had following them.

----

"You wanna come with me to New York?" Sunday brought with it the cruel anticipation of Monday just around the corner, but with your face pressed to Sapnap's chest it's easy to shut out the rest of the world, "all expenses paid." Your can't even be bothered to hold back your yawn.

"You want me at your premiere?" There's a smile in his voice that you've come to love the sound of, and his fingertips are tracing patterns across your shoulders. You give a hum of confirmation; his hand stills, palm warm against your back even through your shirt.

"Just got you all to myself, I don't wanna leave yet," it comes out as a contented mumble, holding him a little tighter, "I missed you, dude."

"What, yesterday while you were at set?" He huffs a faint laugh.

"Before that, before we were all, you know," you finally raise your face to look at him, "I... yeah I missed you." There's a flush on his cheeks that you hadn't been expecting, and his eyes are so warm and kind.

"I can't go to New York with you," he says so very gently, which you'd been expecting, but was still faintly disappointing to hear, "it'd be too much of a giveaway, for you and for Dream." And you knew he was right, but you'd still wanted to offer. Still, after a moment, you see the regret in his eyes, "I can't believe I'm turning down meeting Chris Evans," he groaned. At this, you propped yourself up on your hands so you could lean in and give him a soft kiss.

"There's always next time," you assured, and that seems to be enough for him, as he's grinning when he pulls you back in.

----

'HousemateWasTaken | Dream's Housemate (Video Blogging RPF)' is now a recognised character tag on ArchiveOfOurOwn, with thirty-four fics; twenty-nine were posted between November 6 and 30. There are thirteen fics in the tag 'Clay | Dream/Sapnap/HousemateWasTaken', and two in the tag 'Clay | Dream/Pedro Pascal/HousemateWasTaken'.

----

HELIX premiered in New York on November 17th, 2020, and Y/N attends wearing a black, impecably tailored suit with blood-red embroidery and neon pink accessories, as a stylistic homage to the film itself, and matching their co-star Amandla Stenberg, dressed almost identically with sienna embroidery and neon orange detailing. Highlights from the red carpet interviews and photos include:

The moment Y/N and Amandla first see each other and practically run to hug one another in greeting, beaming.

Y/N posing with Chris Evan and Katie McGrath, like the child in an awkward family photo.

Any and all interviews with both Y/N and Amandla being so bright and joyful that it's almost incoherent, the most notable of which is, after being asked what it was like filming with Chris Evans, both leads turn to each other and just start asking 'Dad Evans?' in a loop, as if its the continuation of some long-running inside joke. It culminates with Chris Evans himself joining them, and both of the young leads cheering 'Dad Evans!' when he does. He regards them both very fondly, seemingly used to this behaviour, and both Y/N and Amandla both then answer the interviewer's initial question with glowing praise for Evans. He gives them both a kiss on the top of the head before they all move on to the next interview.

Y/N arm in arm with the director and the writer, standing tall and looking unshakably confident.

From rogerebert.com:

HELIX (four and a half stars)

In an age where no month is spared from the new release of a slick, shiny blockbuster made for the masses, we are constantly fed black and white morality, and worlds where even shades of grey never seem to stay that way for long. Director Robert Egger's genre-defying 'HELIX' is the refreshing and eloquent open hate-letter to this cult of personality that is the modern, franchise, superhero film, that we as a society didn't realise we so desperately needed. It's a film that will leave you feeling sick and cynical as you walk out of the theatre, but before you're even halfway home you'll be craving a second viewing, whether it be for the style, the story, or the meaning behind it all. From the desaturated design populated with violent, sparing colour, to the masterful way we slip and merge between an ironically upbeat, alternative soundtrack and deeply unsettling orchestral, it all serves to augment the oftentimes chillingly grounded performances which carry this heavy story.

Y/N in the role of protagonist, the supervillain Woolfe, is a masterclass of subtle discomfort unto themselves from the very moment the film begins. Their nuanced idiosyncrasies are relatable and believable as we spend time with them going about their day. The moments linger perhaps a second too long, which, while easy to consciously miss, subtly adds to the distinct impression that Woolfe is out of sync with the rest of the world. As we continue on, and Y/N continues to captivate us as we watch Woolfe's moral, mental, and ethical decline into violent hedonism and depravity, its terrifyingly easy to understand and believe their character progression and decisions, even if we don't agree with it, even if it's completely reprehensible. There's a queasiness that comes the moment you start seeing Woolfe as both a monster and a mirror.

[read more]

It should also be noted that in the afternoon of November 17th, 2020, just hours before the premiere began, Y/N tweeted the following:

my stylist is worried that im nervous for the premiere (which you should all see; wide release across North America with midnight screenings tonight) but idk how to tell her im actually fucked up over yesterday's events in a minecraft youtube rp | me 🤝 @.WilburSoot playing characters whose rapidly declining mental state and increasing disenfranchisement have lead to extreme, violent, detrimental outcomes, and being villainised by our narratives. | askdashkldf my housemate just messaged me 'why are you like this'.. its funnier with context, but its also funny without because honestly im kinda asking myserlf the same lol | MY CUTE FRIEND FROM TEXAS JUST ASKED ME IF I KIN DREAM I HATE IT HERE | edit: dream is FINE okay?? having kins is ALSO FINE,, none of that is the issue but i can't elaborate on what is the issue asakdfjlsdkjf i have a premiere to get to .. | i cant believe people think i have a PR team lmfao anyways | but also hello to dsmp enjoyers who might be finding me now, if u watched yesterday's events and were rooting for either wilbur or especially techno, boy do i have the movie for you! .... also everyone else! HELIX slaps and im excited to share it wit you all!

This marks the first time Y/N has acknowledged any part of the MCYT community publicly. It's the breakdown of a barrier; several content creators had been following you already due to your status as a public figure, but you now follow several content creators back, including both Sapnap and Dream.

----

A fanfiction titled 'did you mean it (when you said i was better off dead)' was posted to Archive of Our Own on November 30, 2020 with the following tags: Dream SMP - Fandom, HELIX (2020), Woolfe (HELIX)/Wilbur Soot, Wilbur Soot & Phil Watson (Video Blogging RPF), Hurt/Comfort, Fix-It Fic, Implied Suicidal Ideation, self aware!woolfe, ghostbur - freeform, FUCK dr michael chris evans all my homies HATE dr michael chris evans, inspired by a tweet, Crack Treated Seriously, on GOD we're gonna get woolfe some love and affection.

· DECEMBER ·

With December of 2020 comes a vague update to Y/N's public relationship status in the form of a photo of a sleeping tabby cat, curled up at the bottom of an unmade bed, posted to Y/N's Instagram story with a poll; Is it morally wrong to date a guy just because you're sad his cat chooses to sleep at the end of his bed and not yours? [Responses: YES (38%) | NO (62%)]

----

Throughout December, various interviews and clips from the press junket for HELIX are released on various websites and platforms while the film is still in theatres.

"Are you bringing your roommate to the premiere?" Amandla asks in what appears to be a little bit of down-time between questions while the camera is still rolling.

"That lovely, tall fellow?" Katie McGrath leaned past Chris Evans to look at you, and you smiled brightly but shook your head with bemusement.

"I do like it when he can join me but he does this, like, freelance media production stuff and he's kind of part of this huge project right now, so I have no idea how he'll be for November," you explained with a shrug and a smile.

"Do we know his name and I've just forgotten or is he still cultivating that air of mystery?" Amandla snorts, leaning against you further on the sofa. You shift to make yourself more comfortable, tipping your head to hers.

"Still a man of mystery," you laughed fondly, and the interviewer quickly cleared his throat, next question prepared.

----

On a chill stream near the middle of December, 2020, Dream mentions that his housemate technically has Technoblade fanart printed and stuck up around their room.

"I think they're making a shrine," he says mildly, trying to stay neutral even as Sapnap is wheezing with laughter.

"Oh man, they're so gonna hate that you called it that!" He crowed, just as there comes a loud, insistent banging on Dream's door. Sapnap's passed the point of audible laughter.

"Can I help you?" Dream sounds all kinds of smug and teasing, despite how quiet he seems to have gotten since moving away from his microphone. Whoever is at the door, presumably his housemate, is not audible, "it's a little bit of a shrine," he appears to counter some sort of silent argument, "it's his quotes, like three seperate- more than one is a shrine -" there's the faintest sounds of movement, and something that sounds like a hand coming to slap a door or wall, "if you're gonna have a shrine of anyone it should be me or Sap," as if that's somehow a logical argument, "no, like an official one with candles, and the pictures closer togeth-" and his words are cut off very suddenly. Then, after a considerable amount of silence, and to much the shock of everyone both in and watching the stream, the housemate can be heard.

"You're lucky you're cute." It's so quiet half the words can't even be properly heard, and it's not enough to reveal the true identity of the housemate, but it's not hard to figure out what had been said.

The door closes; Dream clears his throat when he's back by his computer.

"They have photos of me up?" Sapnap's tone is all fond and warm, completely ignoring the fact that the stream had heard the housemate's voice very faintly... and were also quickly jumping to conclusions about how they'd shut Dream up so quickly.

"Yeah, the cute ones from when they visited last month."

----

The Archive of Our Own tag 'Clay | Dream/Sapnap/HousemateWasTaken' has 22 fics by the end of 2020, and while there are around 27 fics in 'Clay | Dream/HousemateWasTaken', approximately 15 are also tagged with some variation of 'Clay | Dream/Reader', 'Housemate!Reader', or both.

----

And shortly after midnight on New Year's Eve, bringing 2020 to a close, Y/N posted the following on Twitter:

EVERYONE SHUT UP ITS 2021 IM MAKING A HIT TWEET ahem. 🥰 this year's midnight kiss was a dream 🥰

[morelikedoccock]

I’m about to dig into some drama because I haven’t felt this incredibly disrespected by someone on the internet for a long time. If you like my content and/or how I deal with things and are curious to know what’s going on, I’m explaining below.

I’m gonna start out with this:

I am not going to answer questions about this.

Do NOT go to this user and send them anon hate.

Sending anon hate accomplishes absolutely nothing and it’s a shitty thing to do. Just don’t.

So, I relatively recently blocked someone here (not going to name drop because that’s fucking rude, as I’ll get into later) and on Twitter for several reasons, but as I’ve said before, no one needs a reason to block here. It’s the internet. I had BARELY even spoken to this person. They responded by block evading to beg for a reason, and also asked their friend to message me about it. I didn’t reply, feeling increasingly like my boundaries were being disregarded and disrespected.

Then I was told that they’d been vaguing about me on Twitter, and as much as I support a little vaguing, it was bordering on obsessive and kinda creeping me out.

THEN TODAY I discovered that they had posted a fic inspired by my au without my permission, but not only that, the first chapter of their fic is a long-winded and wildly invasive author’s note complaining about how I had blocked them. An authors note IN WHICH THEY USED MY NAME. My actual NAME, not my url (which would’ve been just barely been better).

This really upset me. It’s a blatant and open disregard of my boundaries and wishes, and also… posting personal drama to a PUBLIC FANFICTION SITE is so incredibly immature and just not okay. In response to reading their author’s note, I sent them a long and extremely reasonable message detailing why I’d blocked them and that I was very upset. I told them that I wanted them to delete the author’s note. I would prefer if they hadn’t posted the fic in the first place but I can’t tell them to take it down, I just told them to delete the author’s note. They sent me an immature reply and refused.

I was originally tempted to post the full message I sent them and their reply, but I decided that wasn’t the best idea. Instead, I wanna address this one bit of their response:

I’m still snorting over this.

1. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: I don’t think I’m a good person. If being a good person means setting aside your own personal boundaries so people can walk all over you for their own pleasure, than I’m perfectly happy being a bad person with clear boundaries.

2. Why the fuck am I your hero?? What have I done to warrant that kind of parasocial worship???? I simply make art, write fic, and complain about stupid fandom drama. I am a regular ass person who happens to enjoy creating and has a decent amount of experience doing so. I do regular people things like work and eat and agonize over existence, and if you have decided to use your imagination to make me into someone that I am not, that is not my problem. Being treated like this makes me not want to share my art or fic. I’m just vibing. Ffs I am just desperately trying to connect with people who respect me/enjoy fandom content. Also, because I NEED to be petty, it’s *heros* (plural) not *hero’s* (singular possessive).

Anyway, after I sent them the message and got their reply, I ended the conversation and blocked them again. But now they have already gotten an anon hate comment on their fic (again, DON’T DO THIS) and they posted about it to their tumblr and Twitter claiming it was me who sent it.

I don’t send anon hate. I’m way too fucking anxious and also too old for that shit. I’ve done my best to take the idea of “the opposite of love isn’t hate, it’s indifference” concept to heart. Yes I will absolutely complain about being disrespected, but I do it in my own fucking space (aka here), and I’ll do my damnest to ignore any drawn out bullshit they continue to stir up.

So yeah. I’m honestly really riled up by this. I had been nothing but reasonable toward them, including my decision to block them, (in fact I blocked them in the beginning because they posted the same fic without asking and then gave them a second chance when they asked) and now they are claiming/implying that I’m harassing them.

If you’ve ever had more than a single conversation with me, or if you’ve ever read any of my long posts about this kind of stuff, you’d know that I try hard asf to be decent. I don’t send anon hate. I don’t name drop. But I do block without hesitation if something doesn’t click for me, and if someone doesn’t respect that boundary, I get pissed.

If you’ve gotten this far, I am platonically and respectfully smooching you on the forehead. If you still enjoy my artwork and writing, I would appreciate if y’all stick around. I know I’m not posting as often, but it’s nice to feel like I’ve got respectful people on here who appreciate what I do.

And finally, if you’re reading this and you know them: good, tell them I said to leave me alone. I’m tired of their childish bullshit.

[insecateur]

here's a first little trivia post about slawcs. this one will cover origins, inspiration, and background from the pre-rewrite era. (consequently it will be entirely about og slawcs and won't speak of the spin-offs either)

this is mostly for myself and probably like 3 people but i think it'll be therapeutic to write and i like reading about other people's writing and ideas so maybe you do, too! if so, enjoy!

origins

a young man sits at his computer. it just so happens that today, the 30th of october, 2013, is the day he set out to write some angst apparently:

i am so very sad that i don't have any archives of the conversations i was absolutely having back then on skype (ough) about writing this. i did find some old info on my old pokémon blog, so here's what i can recall to the best of my abilities:

i wanted to write angst, apparently because the angst i wanted wasn't being written by others. which is hilarious considering i'm told that as it stands A LOT of prfr fics involve either party dying, but you do have to consider that this was very early on. also it seems people kill lysandre usually? truly the special flavor here is that lysandre doesn't die.

back then, i hadn't published any fic in 3-4 years, hadn't written in 2 years, and had never published anything written in english ever. i had one incomplete english fic wip that only one person other than me had ever seen and that was it. og slawcs was my first foray in publishing in english (fic-wise and, really, story-wise, unless you count my webcomic i suppose.) i had an ao3 account since early 2013; i have No clue why, but it worked out, i guess!

og slawcs was originally a one-shot. i was unsure about this for a while but i found the original post from my old blog that confirms it:

(please forgive my cringiness i was almost a decade younger, extremely socially anxious, and also it was my first time publishing in english)

i have been told that the first chapter reads like it can stand on its own, well there's why!

the original title was Perfect World. i have always disliked it. the long and short of it is that i got to the new work ao3 page, realized i needed a title, and improvised. i have NO idea why "improvising" meant "using a title inspired by a shipname i already didn't like at the time" but it did. i actually never used the actual title to refer to the fic back then; i always called it "sad fic" or "the sad fic." a silly little codename was better than the actual name i gave my fic apparently. nobody calls it that anymore, me included, and the only trace i have left of it is that my slawcs playlist is still called "sad fic" to this day...

the fic was relatively popular in prfr circles at the time. i was actually surprised looking through my old tag for it to find so many people sending me asks about it... this was so long ago and ended so sourly for me (the pokémon blog, not the fic specifically) that i sometimes tend to think i exaggerate how much feedback i got back then but i didn't apparently. (noah even found someone on twitter like one or two weeks ago who mentioned the fic indirectly so it's also memorable i guess ?_?) which does make me feel kinda bad for disappearing for so long also orz

i almost forgot to discuss this since this isn't an aspect that really exists in the fic anymore, but very early on the fic was supposed to have two endings. (slawcs spoilers follow if you care) the actual ending i ended up writing, where lysandre accepts dialga's offer and goes back in time to sabotage his own plans, and a "status quo" ending where lysandre stays and tries to make the world he's destroyed better as best as he can pull off.

the reason why i ended up scraping the alternate ending is actually pretty straightforward: the entire point behind having two endings was that i was embarrassed by the time travel/multiverse idea. this seems so stupid to me now but back then i genuinely was like "oh no i can't have my POKÉMON FANFICTION end with the power of love and time travel fixing everything it's too cringe (cringe wasn't as much of a thing back then but it was the spirit of it) so i need to come up with a Serious, Realistic ending to compensate"

then the multiverse was made canon and THEN years later rainbow rocket happened and i was like "who cares actually. if canon can do this why can't i."

i might elaborate on the other ending in another part, we'll see.

inspiration

i have touched on this very briefly in the fic's notes (i think at the end of eclipse?) but i think it would be fun to talk about this some more, so i will!

the premise of the fic (not really a spoiler because it happens mid-chapter 1, but still,) that lysandre is "hallucinating" a dead augustine sycamore, was inspired by an old nbc heroes fic i read when i was a teen. the fic (Imaginary Friend by Fantastic Pants on FFnet) was about, you guessed it, a character hallucinating another dead character.

well, actually, it was a bit more complicated than that. for context, character A (noah bennet aka HRG, for those in the know™) thought he'd killed character B (claude rains) who was a mutant capable of becoming invisible. in the fic, fake B was very much self-aware about being imaginary, and also very much supposed to be a representation of guilt, anxiety and depression. the "twist" of the fic, of course, is that B turns out to have been alive the whole time, and fake B disappears for good when A learns this.

i haven't reread the fic in years, but it is one of the two heroes fic that have stayed with me since then even though i stopped caring about heroes midway through season 2. as you can see, the core of it is similar, though the end result and the context is very different.

in slawcs, i kept the line between haunting, hallucination, and manifestation ambiguous, because i thought it worked better that way, but for me the most important aspect was the expression of negative feelings. i'm very humbled when people tell me it resonated with them: i wrote it based on my own experience with anxiety so I've Been Through The Symptoms and i'm always glad to know it works and feels meaningful!

tl;dr if i hadn't read this angsty heroes fanfiction i might not even have gotten back into writing ever

falling out

as i said in the first section, the fic was very well-received. it was one of the first fic for the ship on ao3 (i want to say it was among the first ten? it was definitely there before the tag was even canonized) so that probably helped, to be fair. people were eager for more! the second chapter was well-received as well, posted the next month. in mid-december, i posted another fic that i've since deleted because i just didn't like it that much (it was the ball dancing one, for those who might remember.) the last post in my old tag for og slawcs was from january 2014, assuring someone i was still working on the fic.

i was! but i was also Going Through It, both in my personal life but also when it came to the fandom. i don't blame anyone for it, really; i had gotten too emotionally involved imo, and also i was starting to grow tired of tumblr and the vibes there in general. so i ended up detaching myself from everything more and more, progressively. i stopped looking at my main dashboard and stopped looking at anything related to the fandom on tumblr. i moved largely to twitter but kept posting fanart for a while. then i just left.

in 2015, i began working on a new fic unrelated to og slawcs. this fic is still on my ao3; it's the one where lysandre gets guillotined. it was partially inspired by an old fanart of mine and my then all-consuming passion for french musicals. when i decided i was going to post it, i first thought i'd also make sure i could update og slawcs as well, because i felt so bad about abandoning it even though i was still very much in the fandom. and so, in december 2015, i both posted a brand new one-shot and the 3rd chapter of og slawcs.

and then i never updated it again for 6 years.

but i did work on it! at the time i posted the original third chapter, i had actually already written the original fourth. i think i might even have had half of the fifth back then. i was sure the fifth would be the last one; then it got too long, so i cut it in half, thinking the sixth would be the last one for sure. then i kind of... gave up.

i don't remember the timeline very well because it was a few years ago and also late 2016 to mid 2017 kind of all blurs together in my mind because it was when i was first getting knee surgery and i was basically at one of the lowest points in my life, but i did keep working on the fic (on top of writing other fic) back then. i fully stopped when i reached the point where i'd have to do the game rewrite, so midway through chapter 6 (sun.) i'm not entirely sure why (apart from bad mental health obviously) i think i was just... worried i couldn't pull it off. i'd watch reference material and then be like, no this sucks actually, this is bad, i can't do this well, and it’s been so long, and nobody will care anymore, and...

then in late 2017 i entered my Yakuza Phase and took a break from pokémon xy. it was still there at the back of my mind (where it always will be at this point i think) but i was taking a vacation from it, i guess.

...until february 2021 happened, of course.

SEE YOU NEXT TIME (yes i'm ending my post on a cliffhanger)

[princess-from-another-galaxy]

Sorry, This one's gonna be a long one cause nobody I know in real life cares about kpop.you don't have to answer, it's just a rant😅. But the way my heart dropped while reading all the debunking evidence in the link you sent.

I only got into kpop like a few months ago but of course past scandals pop up and like getting into stray kids obviously you discover the woojin scandal. For some reason that case and soojin's case are just haunting (maybe I'm too emotional).

And honestly it's frightening and sickening any random person can ruin some else's career simply because they have decided they don't like this person, or were bored. And they delete their accusations online and even say they were bored which is just psychotic behaviour.

What's even worse than that is it actually works! They do manage to hurt an idols reputation forever. Like yeah others say SM might be working behind the scenes and will eventually take action, but while they silently "work behind the scenes" an idol's carefully crafted reputation gets publicly destroyed. Idk if the situation will be resolved this year but the blatantly racist remarks, cyberbullying and "jokes" will follow lucas for a long time and it's just so frustrating to watch.

Why is it so easy to screw over an idol. As if idols don't go through enough from their own companies, fans, general public(being overworked, or ignored completely, extreme dieting not allowed to date or behave like a human with a personalitysometimes)...like the least they can do is publicly protect their idols who make them money. Writing an apology letter and disappearing cannot work every single time. "If it isn't broke don't fix it" well this method is horribly broken, find a new formula. Why hire lawyers for a company and not publicly make statements about investigations and taking action whether it's true or false?? Isn't that the normal thing to do?💀💀

It's just such a 180 for an international fan because cheating and bullying, while absolutely bad are not incentives to cancel someone over.

And hate the fact that fake r*pe and SA allegations get the spotlight and get heard whole real victims are attacked, made fun of or simply ignored. These topics are serious yet are dismissed and someone lying about it just makes them into a bigger joke and harder for victims to get some justice. Really just hate how warped it all is in general, not just in the music industry.

It's also weird because now that I hear it's common for someone to come out with someone when nct plans to release something, I'm more anxious than excited for nct 127's comeback but I hope it successfully happens. And I feel like wayv will still exist because of the SM schedule you also posted (bless you for continously having links and posts and giving us hope it might publiclyand drastically change by Decemberor even next year).

It's just overall frustrating I guess? Because liking SM foreign kpop idols seems to be more of an emotional rollercoaster ride than anything (e.g💀they seem to be locked up in the dungeon , looking at you winwin and shotaro). Like SM is terrible at promoting their idols but wow it's even worse for second gen idols and foreign idols. That's why we love the SM artists not the whole company itself because music companies all over the world are just....wow to say the least.

In conclusion, I just hope lucas is okay and that when things get publicly cleared he'll still be the loud, chaotic talented guy he is. And that when he comes back he isn't bullied or attacked for still being in nct, wayv and superm. Too many antis are enjoying being on the bandwagon when it comes to nct.

Aww, anon, I want to give you a hug...

I agree with every single thing you said.

I'm glad the links and stuff I post make you feel better, I spend a lot of time on Twitter and reddit looking for stuff and checking for updates.

The thing about those antis that are saying those things about Lucas (and will keep saying them regardless of what is proven) is that they were never really fans. They were the people who claimed to be fans and then made colorist "jokes" and insulted him and when they were called out for it, deleted their tweets and just retweeted those things on priv...

From now on regardless of what happens the truth is that most of these people will keep believing that he did these things. I saw a Woojin TikTok today (it showed up on my fyp) and half the comments were questioning why he could continue his career, completely ignoring (or just bring new fans and going by what they hear from other fans) that he has been proven innocent by the Seoul police department....

I hope Lucas's is ok, and that things can go back to normal soon.

(sorry if I sound weird I just got my 2nd shot of the vaccine and it gave me a killer headache)

[h0ney-c0tton]

//Going to remake this pinned, but i'm afraid it will take me a while... sorry DNI: basic dni criteria + proshippers + ageless Flowey deniers + people who force their interpretations/headcanons/ships/concepts to others.

Warning: A LOT OF TEXT BY AN EXTREME ANXIOUS PERSON TY FOR UNDERSTAND😁

Okay you're warned lol

Honey Cotton MITF AUs aren't 100% done, it will have changes in the future for the best of the ship. I'm trying hard for finish it and make the best I can! Here I will post only for the ship in my aus, at the moment I don't have an offical blog of my au... but I will someday do it if people are REALLY interesed to know more.

Pd: My english... yeah, it's AWFUL! I also have suspicion I might have dislexia @_@"

❤️WELCOME TO MY BLOG... HONEY COTTON💙

Welcome to my ship side account about my beloved OTP... Mad Mew Mew/Dummy x Flowey/Asriel (Adult Flowey/Asriel headcanon only).

This blog works with the context of my aus named MITF (and specially MITF AU PRINCIPAL)

grrrr i'll remake this section

💙✨I hope you like this ship, or at least like my fanarts ^^✨❤️

Others Social Media where you can find other fanarts (like doodles, concepts and memes).

Twitter:

Instagram:

And in the end here some questions I will answer here. I update this pinned a LOT. If you have questions, let me know in private!

WIP!

Q- What Means MITF?

Wip

Madness in the Flowers. First honey cotton ship name, now tecnically it is the tittle of all my aus where honey cotton is present + personal headcanons.

The principal one is "MITF AU principal (failed pacifist)", it is the most "serious" and it is the canon timeline :] (I already explained the Summary).

MITF principal au what ifs: In short... Nonsence Fanfiction! Asriel getting their robot body before Mew Mew, Flowey and Maddie being in a relationship before they got their dream bodies, all the posibilities! Not serious and not canon! Enjoy all the possibilities :]!

MITF deltarune: My version of the past of the now young adults Deltarune characters; where Asriel and Maddie met as kids (it started as complicated thanks by Maddie revengeful spirit). But while they were growing up; feelings for each other started bloom and slowy their relationship got stronger.

MITF POTLE: (inspired on Luca Turilli album "Prophet of the last eclipse) After the revolution leader by Undyne; Monsters soon will face a prophecy that will put in danger their know world. Only Angry Mew Mew can stop it, and she will face the danger with her beloved and misterious Sanea.

MITF KOTNT: (Inspired on Luca Turilli album "King Of The Nordic Twilight) Asriel tired of the tyrany of his sibling Chara, where their identity and body was stealed by a vil entity when they were a child; he ran away with injuries to the north and ended in the old city called Snowdia. There he met Mewrienne, and with her love he earned enough motivation for free his people of evil and recover peace and their dear sibling.

Q- Since when you started ship these two?

July 29th 2016.

Q- Why you ship and still ship this fanon-pair?

I started ship this thanks to a silly comic I've made in 2016. These years I used to like it only for that reason... But now... It ended as my comfort ship, about my two fav characters.

Do you know the existence of Burgerpants x Mew Mew? Well... we can say honeycotton work in a similar way? Yeah the ship dinamic is different but I hope it helps lol

Q- You made this ship?

SADLY... Nop. I didn't. This ship borned probably in october 2015.... And I started ship it in July 2016. But I made the ship name, the universe, and the 70% of the fanarts. Whatever happened in 2015 have nothing with my ideas of the ship. SO, I DON'T CARE, I ADOPTED IT AND NOW IT IS mine. Mine! MINE!! >:3

Q- Isn't Mad Mew Mew a lesbian and Asriel aromantic?

Sorry bud but these aren't canon, buuut very valid hcs btw ❤️ here are my LGBTQI+ Hc of them :D!:

Mad Mew Mew: Transgirl (she/her) Bisexual+Biromantic (canon)

Flowey/Asriel (they goes by both names): Hermaphrodite Genderfluid (Any pronouns) Lesbian Demiromantic and Demisexual.

Pd 1: I was waiting for so long finally make canon lesbian flowey but i needed do more researchs for that first. And yes, Genderfluid people can be lesbians.

Pd 2: I want say in this space I'm so sorry for hc him as intersexual before and for the wrong reasons (him being a flower). After do many researchs Hermaphrodite ≠ Intersexual, it have a different meaning and searching testimonies about intersexual it is an offensive and stigmatizing term. Thanks for read and I'm so so sorry for notice this late by my own :")

I recommend this page for learn about intersexual people!

Q- You HC Adult Flowey/Asriel in the present only for this ship?

Short Answer: No! If that were the case.... yeah that would be weird. It is just a coincidence this is my fav OTP and a big hyperfixation. It is a mix of personal stuff, a lot of analisis and what works better for me.

// I decided delete the whole section explaining (not in a best way tho) about my interpretations and stuff because it was... useless.

Q- Are you working for a Deltarune MITF Au?

DUHHH, but not a priority. I'm waiting next Deltarune chapters!

Q- Do you see them in a romantic way when they're interacting in fanwork that wasn't made by you?

I have a huge respect for other people fanwork. Yes, I may be look happy as fuck seeing them interacting in art who wasn't made by me (because THEY are also my fav characters lol), but not for that reason I will ship them there if the context in the fanwork isn't for that AND MORE if on it Flowey is a CHILD. I have limits, and If I want people respect my universe I need respect other people universes too.

Q- Do you ship them in differents aus?

I will not lie, I used to do that years ago. But I learned thats wrong and I don't do that anymore without the consent of creators since that (the three fanarts I did are now delethed). If the Devs of the Au are comfortable with it I will love make concepts for the ship in their AUs (only in cases where Asriel/Flowey is an adult/Similar age with Maddie, not a toxic relationship and both characters have sexualities that let them be together... But I can also make platonic/frienship/rivals concepts too (both with similar age).

I will ship them in aus only in cases with consent/if people makes their own honey cotton content. If I don't have consent then I wouldn't do it.

Q- In your PRINCIPAL universe what is canon and what isn't canon?

//pd: All the honey cotton fanarts made by me are from my ship Au universes, but many of these are from alt timelines/universes. So, if you see art of:

•Mad (Dummy form) x Flowey/Asriel (both forms) kissing/being a couple isn't canon. In MITF au Principal they only became a couple much after Maddie's transition as Mad Mew Mew. These drawings are from an alternative not serious timeline. I'll be honest, i do those more for a nostalgic reason and as fanservice for myself and fans. Sorry guys for let you know in this way😔

•Flowey/Asriel x Mad Mew Mew/Dummy as evil. Not serious alternative neutral universe.

•Mad Mew Mew x Photoshop Flowey, not serious Alternative neutral universe

•Joke/Memes drawings aren't canon. These are made only for make me laugh. Only for that reason, for make me laugh. These have alt timelines where nothing is serious or logicall. If you find some of them problematic, let me know it. If the drawing is confusing (if it is serious or just a joke) also let me know it.

Q- I can use some of your concept for my au?

How this is only a personal Alternative Universe from a game that I didn't made... I can't own concepts. So, yes, take all the concepts you want I guess (ex: Asriel robot body, Undyne and Asriel being siblings, Flowey adult hc, etc). But you can't make changes to my AU... cuz, it is more personal to me. Instead I recomend you make your own version of it ;) (with an alternative name or idk use your head).

But I wouldn't mind crossovers 👀

Q- Is this ship dendrophilia/necrophilia/mechaphilia?

They're monsters (ok I know the flower tecnically isn't a monster BUT how Asriel dust fused with the flower... It should make him half monster????So, huh, yeah I don't think the ship is any of these stuff-

Q- Can I request other artists honey cotton?

Sadly I can't stop people do that... but if you really like my content and you have the need to see other people vissions of the ship... PLEASE, first ask what are their headcanons on Flowey/Asriel. NOT EVERYBODY HC adult Flowey/Asriel or are openly to rarepairs. I want build a healty community, be empathic to others.

Q- Can I RP/Kin your MITF Flowey?

How you can do rp of a character based on a story I didn't posted yet...?

Q- Can I RP Honey Cotton?

Not in my hands, so you can do whatever you want. BUT, I will not tolerate problematic RP. Example: If you RP as Child Asriel x Adult MewMew

Q- Can I request you?

Yeah, but I WON'T draw:

-Maddie as an adult and Flowey as a child or viceversa (Romantic, platonic/friendship, babysitting, etc) Idea that make me feel really really uncomfortable. Is like you ask somebody who HC child flowey/asriel and deny adult flowey headcanon draw Honey Cotton... IT. IS. WEIRD. And will be uncomfortable for both of US. Respect people!

-Abusive.

-NSFW.

-And everything that makes me uncomfortable but I can't put in words right now.

Q- ... WHY YOU WRITED ALL OF THIS???? IT IS A LOT OF TEXT WTFFF W YOU

BAHAHHAHA I'M SORRY!! I'M REALLY VERY VERYY ANXIOUS, VERY VERY ANXIOUS. I CAN'T CONTROL IT AND I DON'T WANT NOBODY MISSUNDERSTOOD ME AAAAAA TOT.

//Before finish... welcome to my page, I'm someone who sadly comited a lot of mistakes in the past (mistakes i'm not proud of, thanks because my 0 social skills). I still have to learn a lot, but I can promise you I will try my best to be better and better. How you can notice I always make changes on this long pinned post, it is thanks for my new experiencies talking with people (good or bad ones). I'm very grateful inside for all these experiences, it helps me be more mature (even if it toke me time realice). Thanks very much for being there, as a person with an inexplicable passion about a VEEERY rarepair...

[icharchivist]

i try not to get worked up when people don’t like my fav characters because i know that on top of me being really forgiving in term of how much a character can do for me to be pissed at them, i also tend to be driven toward more morally questionable characters especially if they did pretty fucked up things to get there. I find those stories fascinating. But even so in general i do my best to be understanding and not think too much about it.

.... but i’m thinking too much about it, so sorry rant under the cut about what a friend told me about Banri that has been working me up all day

one of the friend i dragged into a//3 who told me initially that she liked Banri fine, started to send me messages about Banri like “oh i’m sure this guy would bully Misumi” and i was so????? Like what the fuck??? i know at this point she only watched the anime but...??????

Banri only ever show overprotection over the summer kids. He genuinely cares for them and act as a protector to them, more explicitly so with Yuki and Kumon, even Muku if we take the coin talks, and he is on a set of mutual respect with Tenma. 

I think my friend is jumping to conclusion because of the way Banri treated Juza, but that doesn’t mean “he’s a bully and just want to bully people”, Juza represented something for Banri and this is this something that Banri was attacking. Juza was the first time Banri felt an ongoing thrill since a long long time. His portrait establish that Banri felt dead inside unless he was in a thrill of a fight, and even there it ended quick because he would always win - and Juza being stronger meant that this thrill and battle kept going until after the fight was over. And Banri didn’t know how to interpret that thrill and just thought he had to defeat Juza, until finally he realized he was better growing along with people at Mankai and that he could find his thrill in a place that was neither self destructive nor destructive of others.

His bullying of Juza was more the result of his frustration around what was essentially a depressive mental state, and trying to process this frustration until he could find an alternative, not because he considered Juza weird or that he had to be punished for being outside the norms.

And yeah it sucks that he took it all out on Juza especially since Juza has a history of people always targeting him and attacking him, i’m not saying his actions toward him were okay and i’m not even arguing it wasn’t bullying in some sort, but that doesn’t mean that Banri gets a kick from humiliating people, especially not more “vulnerable” people. He’s shown, on the contrary, to be extremely protective with them. And especially now that Banri found the thrill of a passion that makes him feel alive, and that he’s since shown himself to seek to understand people more and connect with them, i feel that on the contrary seeing them all being so passionate about something is something Banri would want to protect. Imo his speech with Yuki in Into the Night really sums it up.

But i know my friend only watched the anime but it still. rubs me the wrong way, like i did try to nudge by pointing out little details building up to that (mainly that Banri was upset the costumes were destroyed NOT because of the issues with the play but because “who the fuck would destroy Yuki’s hardwork?”. Yuki and Banri’s friendship is really one of my fav dynamic and it is here so early on...) but there’s little i can do without being overbearing and imposing my opinion on her which i do not want to do.

I know my friend has a very hard time with bully types of character and tbh i did tell her originally that i expected her to dislike Banri, so when she told me she liked him it came as a surprise to me.... but now she talks about it a little more and i feel like she’s trying to make him more of a bully in her head than he actually is and it works me up so bad. If she just disliked him, fine, but i don’t like the idea of twisting his character into someone worse than he is just to justify this feeling that is perfectly reasonable to have without having to blow it out of proportion.

She got into the game recently to try to see the stuff the anime cut and she’s waiting until she unlocked the whole story, after which i’ll send her the Act 1 events, and i just hope Into the Night will change her mind on Banri, if not making him likeable to her, just... just not having to make me read that Banri would bully any of the summer kids ever again yaknow?

Especially now right before icwtn that i still haven’t read but i’m pretty sure Banri is supposed to play a teacher who is supposed to help Misumi as a student? so i feel like if a Banri&Misumi is going to be explored there it will continue with the trend of Banri being protective with the Summer kids.

Banri is a character i really love, he’s very high in my top, though i remain aware of the fact the way he treated Juza can really rub people the wrong way.... but i find it disheartening that a character with much more facets of himself is defined by actions that are from a time he was lashing out due to being in a bad mental space. But re: first paragraph i guess. :/

if anything though it kinda makes me feel bad that i got her into it...? tbf it’s not like i told her she HAD to get into it, i think i told her in passing when i got into it two years ago telling her i love it, then it’s mostly that she follows me on twitter so she sees the stuff i post about it there... idk it rubs me the wrong way dkfldjf Like thankfully others people i dragged into a3 have had delightful takes about it and i loved to talk about it with them

this one specifically just kinda makes me hella sad because i don’t want to be forcing my opinion on her either and there’s a line between “i know more stories than you” and just “you’re wrong about how you feel” that can be blurry and i really don’t want to cross it.

And it’s also another layer of meh because it’s not like i liked Banri strongly on my first read either but the moment he realized he liked theater is when i started to genuinely enjoy him and put stuff back into perspective and idk i guess i just. feel sad it’s not that easy for others i guess?

And i’m just kjdhfjd also anxious because yeah so far she just watched the anime and there’s a few things she said about some chara i don’t specifically vibe with (like she finds Sakuya super boring D: my son......) and i get more anxious with the stories to come and well. If you know me you know what i can be really anxious about.

[best-enemies]

[Back on my twitter account I made a thread with my favorite Thoschei fanfics. It’s a way to save the best works I’ve read and also divulge them for more Thoschei fans. So I decided to bring it here to this account (because that’s what I talk about here the most lol). I’ll update every once in a while as I read them, and you can find the posts on my blog under the tag #Best Enemies Recs.]

Unbound

Author: Verayne

R: Explicit (always read the warnings first)

Pairing: Tenth Doctor/Simm!Master

Chapters: 8/8

I’ll always have a soft spot for Tensimm. I’ve read many fanfics with them over the years but surprisingly I have barely read multi-chaptered ones  – let’s say once I was reading a really good fanfic (from another fandom) and then the author abandoned it forever. I understand, of course, that fanfiction is fun and we all  – including myself  – have busy lives. But I was a bit scared that it would happen again, so I avoided multi-chaptered fanfics for a long time.

Until very recently, of course. It’s funny because I thought I was more familiar with Verayne’s works, perhaps I’ve known her from back in the day in the fandom.

Unbound is, definitively, one of the best Tensimm fics I’ve ever read. I found myself very engaged with the story  – one of the reasons is that the chapters are very well developed and wrapped. I could read a chapter a day and didn’t forget the details, but at the same time, they always left me extremely anxious to read the next chapter. The way Verayne writes yearning, which for me is the central point of multi-chapter shippy fanfics, is so satisfying. You could catch me on the bus, on my way to work, completely immersed in the story, and being pissed as fuck when I had to get off the bus. I could not think about anything else.

Writing Tensimm, for me at least, is really difficult. Writing smut, which is complicated on itself, is already hard but adding the depth to their relationship which, in my opinion, should be explored more, is the real challenge. I loved Verayne’s interpretation of them. One thing I adore about fandom is that each of us have a different interpretation of the characters we love and I love reading other people’s takes and headcanons of my faves. And I fell even more in love with these two while reading this fanfic. The way they wanted to be with each other but for the most part even denied each other their touch and feelings... I could write about it all day. 

Fun fact: I never really understood Clara’s arc until this fic. Some will say it’s not really complicated, but I never really bothered to learn that part before (sorry Clara fans!). I thank Verayne for indirectly explaining it.

I wish I still had it fresh on my mind so I could make a better review. I remembered this fic today while I was trying to find more Thoschei to read (I got some recommendations from my mutuals and I want to thank them in advance! I’ll go through them all as soon as I can!), so I had the idea to bring my thread to my blog. 

What I can say about this fanfic is that, through darker themes (I mean, it’s Tensimm) and smutty scenes, if you want to dive into their feelings for each other: this fic is for you.

[rpbetter]

a vent (feel free to ignore if it's too much!): so recently i've noticed psd makers getting anon asks on whether they're ok with people who write certain topics (mostly rpf, incest, rape, underage, the usual "problematic" topics) using their recourses. now, i don't roleplay any of these subjects on tumblr, so even if a content creator said not to use their stuff, it's not even something i need to worry about - but, and maybe this is me overthinking it, what if i, someday, write a noncon fanfic on ao3? i'm still not using their resources on the subject or writing it on tumblr, but i'd probably feel weird about it, like i'm crossing some boundary. what if a psd maker whose content i've already purchased suddenly goes "actually don't use my psds if you rp abusive relationships", which is probably the closest to what people consider "taboo themes" of the things that i roleplay. it just feels like a fine line between personal boundaries and a shitty situation for a customer - not wanting to cross boundaries but already having PAID for something previously, when no such rules existed. it's making me want to 1. block everyone i see saying this, because even though i don't personally roleplay the topics above, i don't feel SAFE around people who tell others what kind of fiction they are allowed to enjoy and 2. just quit using people's resources and spend years learning to make my own psds so i won't have to worry about this shit. it's just stressing me out, as someone who has been harrassed and bullied online for speaking against censorship. i've had literal sock accounts made just to spew targetted harrassment at me on twitter. i've been accused of being a pedo and supporting incest and this is??? literally for saying "i don't think real people should be harrassed for fictional shit", i've not even shipped underage or incest ships. both make me uncomfortable. but fuck, antis make me 1000000x more uncomfortable than people who ship these kinda ships. i digress, this got rambley, i just. do you have any advice on what to do with the potential psd situation, or am i really just overthinking it? (always worried i accidentally send stuff like this off anon. help)

I need you to know that I actually had to rush-scroll back up and just double check that you did submit on anon lol! I always get worried I'll miss the one person who accidentally didn't use anon, if it makes you feel any better! When someone does submit with their URL attached, I message them first to be sure they are okay with them having it posted that way/it wasn't an accident ;) That's what I would want someone to do!

Alright, so, anyhow...

I've also noticed that becoming a more common thing and it's been on my (maybe huge) list of things to look into for a bit because I really do try to make sure I'm not just noticing things in my areas of the RPC/failing to notice things that do not impact me. Since I do all my edits and graphics, it falls into the first category for me. So, thank you for moving that up the list and informing me that it really is more prevalent and not my imagination!

My take on seeing it was a combination of business logic and anxiety, not going to lie.

On the first: charging to do a psd that is just that, just a psd file being used as a template/to act as an easier version of a photoshop "action" in a way, that's 100% legal and fine. Absolutely no muddy waters there. However, charging to do things like icons, edits, etc. that include images of celebrities and stills from movies (or gifs) is quite muddy. Legally, it's not legal. It's a thing we're allowed to do and use (on most platforms) because we're not making money off of it, we're not claiming to hold rights to the images, and so on - it's ignored but illegal. Charging money for it, however, even when phrased as "for my time" (which, absolutely valid feeling), is a more serious form of illegal and potentially attention-getting. This all gets more iffy though when we add donation instead of direct commission/purchase when working with these copyrighted materials. You can ask people to donate and suggest a donation based on your time spent, and that is always what I advise people to do.

Okay, so, that preface is necessary because the thing about stipulating use-rights is that they're iffy, too, there are variables present.

Often, these same people are charging for things like icon packs as well, meaning that even if they're only charging you for a template-style psd file sans imagery they don't own, they've kind of shot themselves in the foot. Not to mention, it's exceedingly damn hypocritical to pitch a fit about someone violating your rights when you're literally using other people's copyrighted materials lmao And that does tend to occur to me, yeah, it's a consequence of attorney friends and running businesses.

The other issues with this are that usage rights have to be stated at the time of purchase and morality clause-style shit, as pertains to products, is not legally binding.

When you purchase something like a psd file, that purchase acts as a sort of contract.

Think of like...buying a photoshop brush set - the person selling it puts very simple rules as to its use, such as: non-commercial use only, brush pack cannot be resold or distributed for free, separate brushes from the pack cannot be resold or distributed for free individually. Meaning that you own the brushes you bought, but you are not legally allowed to make real-life money from anything you use them in, and you cannot send the whole pack or files individually to friends for free or charge other people for them. By buying these, you have agreed to these stipulations of use and ownership.

If the person sells psd's and you agree to what they've stated about the use (you can't use them to do commissions you make IRL money from, you can't give them away to friends, etc.), that's binding even somewhere as casual as RP Land. The exchange of real currency makes it that serious.

However, there are limits to stipulations of use! One of those things is when you agreed - this person cannot, even one literal second, later change their terms of use and retroactively hold you to them. If they were okay with you not crediting them anywhere or using them in works you will gift others or charge others something like game currency for at the time you purchased, then that's it. Tough shit for them, not you, when they decide a month later that they want credit given where the work appears, that they do not want finished products gifted, or don't want you to make even in-game currency from them.

And that absolutely would apply to the morality wank, yes.

Except that this very morality wank comes with its own issues. Reality is not tumblr. In reality, at least in most instances and countries, you can't throw in a fucking morality clause regarding the buyer, use of item, or finished product.

Think of this in this way: Chik-Fil-A starts denying chicken and waffle fries to anyone suspected of being queer. They're legally allowed to run their business (as a private business, everything does have variables) with some things that are morally objectionable that they feel morally aligns with their religious beliefs. They're not allowed to deny queer workers a job or queer customers service, however, in accordance with overarching laws.

While "being gross" online in fiction is not like, making anyone a protected status person lol this is just an extreme example to drive home the point. Legally, when it comes to items/products be they digital or physical, your rights and responsibilities as the seller don't include your moral policing.

What your right is, is to make people uncomfortable to a degree, yeah. You absolutely can do that. You can state some nasty shit about prospective buyers you don't want. For example, they should (I mean, they should just grow up and get some real concerns, but) be stating that they would not like to see their psd's used by people on this following DNI list of idiocy, and they will block those users if possible to prevent interaction and purchase. That's really it, that's what they can do and the least immature way to proceed.

On the second: none of this logic would make me feel comfortable about interacting with them and their psd's in the future once they had outed themselves as morally objectionable and dangerous to me with this nonsense. And I would still feel anxious about using things I had previously bought because once harassed...it doesn't really go away, does it? It would just give me some ease about the latter with things I'd already made. Like, I could keep using the icons I'd made with those psd's with a little bit more comfort knowing that they honestly have not a leg to stand on outside of their harassment.

I might have the tendency to respond to harassment without much upset, but that doesn't mean I want to be harassed. Especially when I am not doing anything that draws that kind of attention. Not that harassment is warranted over anything, but when I make a PSA or answer an ask that I know is likely to get their attention and piss them off? That's an acceptable risk I am knowingly taking. When I'm just going about my life as a RPer, it isn't.

So, I don't feel like you're overthinking it or being too concerned! In no way did you sign up for getting unwanted attention, and because it has happened before, of course, you're trying to insulate yourself from having it happen again. That's totally reasonable!

Now, what you could do about it...

It's another of those situations in which we're only truly capable of controlling ourselves. Everyone else is kind of a NPC.

You don't have to do anything I'm suggesting, but these are things I would do!

I would block the shit out of anyone saying these things/trying to make them stipulations, yes.

By that, I mean that I would also visit blogs they appear to interact with and they'd be blocked as well. We can all reblog something like resources or a shit post from a user we do not agree with without realizing it, but when it's frequent reblogs, direct support, and friendly vibes going on, it's safer to assume that they are aware their friend sucks. More importantly, that they do not think their friend sucks and support their views.

Even if that is not the case, do you want someone else's repeated inattention to expose you to bad actors? Nope! So, don't run the risk of paying and otherwise interacting with the one resource blog in the group that doesn't express these views/"requirements," but does involve themselves with those who do.

Try to find people selling these resources, that are not connected to the problem ones, who do not have those views. Once a trend starts, it is very hard to stop until it has run its course naturally, so, this might be difficult and take some extreme effort. You might want to consider asking like-minded friends who use psd's where they got them so you can check those users out for yourself.

If they're all the same, problem, people...

Look for users well outside of your corner of the RPC(s) who are not asking to be paid. I know it sounds wild, but there really are RPers out there who just enjoy making things for others! I can think of at least one right off on my dash. They might not be advertising for doing psd's or psd packs, but either they might be willing to do so (especially if they do not appear policing-positive) if you explain what is going on, or they could at least fill some requests for you for fully made icons and such. Hell, people who love doing this work usually know others who do as well, and anti-policing people quite reasonably stick together. They could have suggestions for someone not vile selling psd's.

Depending on what it is you want your psd's to do, I promise you that it wouldn't take you very long to learn it. I know...I know lol that's both really easy for me say when I've been doing it for over twenty years and am about to piss some people off. The latter because the most common settings on popular psd's are extremely simple shit, a lot of that is the kind of thing you're expressly told not to do in design work. Like ramping up extreme contrast, pixelating the fuck out of an image, and turning up the primary colors only. Once you get to playing with photoshop or an equivalent, you will totally see what I mean. You can accidentally make an icon look identical to something that is on trend in the RPC. If that was what you were going for? You've hit the mark, and it's just repetition and tweaking it here and there!

Once you start playing with it, too, it's actually pretty intuitive when it comes to the basic things like resizing, adjusting colors and contrast, and doing easy effects like blurs and sharpening. Frankly, playing with it is better than half the tutorials you'll find because they get unnecessarily complicated when all you want to do is crop your muse's face, overlay some color, and add a damn dotted border. Listen, like I said, I have a lot of experience...and I find many tutorials frustrating and overwhelming!

It is not just you, you're not dumb or anything. People get very comfortable with something and when they try to explain it to others, they use terms and methods that are more advanced or specific to them than they realize. That's all!

If you have friends who make their own things, ask them some very basic questions about what you want to do. They know you, so, they'll know better how to explain to you, specifically. Just keep it simple until you've had some time to experiment! Ask things like, "I want to take this image, resize it to be an icon, and add an orange tint to the image while sharpening only my muse's features...how would I do that? Easy mode?"

And! You don't even have to pay for photoshop or pirate it anymore! Photopea is as an exact copy as possible entirely located in your browser for free. It's all overwhelming at first, a real case of too many options and ways to do the same thing, but the only way it gets less overwhelming is just diving into it. Dive in, get a little frustrated, have some successes, make some awesome discoveries, it gets a bit addicting in short order. Then, the tutorials and tips are so much easier to figure out and expand on, too.

If you'd like, you can always send me a pm here and ask me. I'm happy to try to explain how to do things, zero judgment or impatience. Just an additional option if you both decide to try learning and would feel comfortable doing that. Zero judgment as well on not wanting to do either of those things!

Okay, this one is much harder than learning PS basics because it's honestly a bit terrifying...the way these people are, they're going to take issue with you no matter what you do, and in the end, if they notice you and feel like bothering you, they will. There's literally nothing you can do about it. All you can do is try to buffer yourself, stay away from them, and be aware that you are not the problem.

Like with the AO3 thing or writing what could be viewed as toxic relationships. You can never write or be interested in a single, solitary thing that they're on about (and accusing you of doing in real life when the burning Eye of Moron turns your direction), but to them, you supporting the right of other people to do so is just as bad as doing it yourself. To them, the toxic relationships not only would be problematic, they'd be problematic enough. Being uncomfortable with their policing and feeling unsafe because of it is, to them, a red flag of how problematic you are. Writing anything they've deemed objectionable (or reading or viewing it, for that matter) anywhere, doesn't have to be on this platform or RP-adjacent, doesn't have to actually utilize any of their materials, is enough.

They're absolutely including you in who shouldn't use their shit. That's part of the "logic" and methodology of policing. Everyone is problematic, so, everyone can be labeled a pedo and harassed without too many people getting up in arms about it. No one is safe, so, everyone better behave. You don't actually have to be engaging with or enjoying things like underage, non/dubcon, rape, abusive relationships, etc.

It's gross, it's bullying, it's actually a problem...and there isn't much you can do.

All that is truly up to you is making an effort to avoid them, though, this is very often unfair and likely to get more unfair as resource blogs of all sorts deal in it more. At least, in this case, you do have some small bit of actionable power - by not ever buying from them. They wouldn't be charging if they did not either need or want the money, not giving it to them is a bigger hit than things like simply unfollowing/blocking, reblogging PSA's, and so on is!

Nope, it isn't like you're denying them some extreme amount of money by yourself, but every three, five, ten dollars is felt pretty hard when you desperately need money and/or are saving for something.

I know, I mean, I personally do know, that it's impossible to "get over" bullying, Anon. I'm in no way telling you to just get over it and move on, find some great well of not caring somewhere! What I'm saying is that there is power in not giving them power. The power to make you anxious, uncomfortable, unsafe, when you have every right to be here doing your thing and are not hurting anyone. And it might seem to be a deeply contrary sort of logic, but realizing and accepting that there are people out there who irrationally dislike you for literally no reason, that you cannot infallibly escape or avoid, despite doing nothing wrong is a bit empowering. Because it puts into perspective the things you can control, and when we know what is in our control, it's easier to just enjoy our time here without constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop. If it drops, we can go put it back in the closet where it belongs.

It starts to put a positive spin on the whole, damned if I do, damned if I don't feeling, if that makes sense? I'm probably way too tired to try to be explaining this lol I'm sorry!

Anyway, again, I'm not implying you can or should do any, let alone all, of those suggestions! I just really hope that something will help you feel even a little bit more at ease. It's an unfair situation, it isn't right, and you have every reason to be uncomfortable and stressed. If I could make it happen, you better believe that every policing asshole out there would be writing heartfelt apology letters and sending donations to everyone they've upset lol but...since I can't make that happen, all I can do is say what I, personally, do, would do, or have done.

[x0401x]

Hoshiai no Sora: Cast Comments

Q & A with the voice actors of the main cast. Translated from the official Twitter. Feel free to point out any corrections, and please check out some of the creators’ accounts:

Akane Kazuki (director)

Itsuka (character designer)

Takeshi (animator)

Kyuujou Kiyo (illustrator)

Takahashi Yuuichi (animator)

MLANG (animator)

Hanae Natsuki-san (voice of Katsuragi Maki)

Q1. Please tells us your impression about the character you play.

At first, I guessed he was a cool and behaved kid, but this changed into the impression that he was a child with no two-facedness to him and a feel-good personality, who firmly conveys his own opinions without being swayed by the people around him. Also, he laughs and makes merry in accordance to his age too, so it is fun to play him.

Q2. Please tell us a memory of club activities from your middle school days.

I was part of the soft tennis club, so I am extremely happy to get to perform in this production. Through this series, many things had me thinking, “This happens, this happens” and it makes me reminisce to my school days. I was the vice-president, but our tennis club was not that earnest about competing, so we did not go as far as Shijou Minami Junior High, but I believe the club activities had a similar air to them.

Q3. Leave a message for the people watching the series.

This is a work that touches the rare subject of soft tennis, while the number of schools that only have regular tennis gradually increases as one goes from middle to high school. It is a given for people who take part in soft tennis, but the delicate feelings of middle schoolers are also being depicted here through getting quite deep into their core, so I believe this is a series that makes the ones watching feel and think all sorts of things. Please watch over it until the very end.

Hatanaka Tasuku-san (voice of Shinjou Touma)

Q1. Please tells us your impression about the character you play.

Shinjou Touma is a child with an extremely strong sense of responsibility. The environment he grew up in has an influence on this, but he ends up exploding due to shouldering too many things and not knowing how to let it out when it became hard for him... The more I get to know him, the more I feel like giving him a hug. That’s the kind of person he is.

Q2. Please tell us a memory of club activities from your middle school days.

I was part of the basket club during my six years from middle to high school and on the bench. That’s why I would let my voice out higher than anyone, and since I could not manage to do anything whenever I entered the court, I would just run, anyhow. The nickname I earned from this was “Runner”. I was neither “center” nor “forward”, just “Runner”.

Q3. Leave a message for the people watching the series.

Honestly, I have absolutely no idea of how this work will be receptioned. But I thought, “I want to respond to the things that the director wants to write about and to his passion, from the bottom of my heart”. That’s why I had strong thoughts about getting close to the individuals that appear in this story, being hurt and moving forward together with them, and taking part in this series. I am truly glad to have become involved with it. Please do have expectations for it.

Matsuoka Yoshitsugu-san (voice of Ameno Itsuki)

Q1. Please tells us your impression about the character you play.

He is a boy with a deep darkness to him, except this darkness has a proper reason to be, so I look forward to when people get shocked upon finding that out. He is also a cute boy, so I hope people will enjoy the many emotions, expressions and lines from him.

Q2. Please tell us a memory of club activities from your middle school days.

I was in the wind instruments club, but I was always thinking about skipping. There were few guys in it, so whenever classes ended, a senior would often come to pick me up! Like, “Matsuoka! I’ll go with you!!” I really gave him a lot of trouble.

Q3. Leave a message for the people watching the series.

It is turning into a story that will not go through conventional methods. Many individuals of all kinds appear in it, but this is a series that depicts each human being very rawly, so I hope people will enjoy this rich story until the end. We also want to perform “Hoshiai no Sora” to our utmost, so we will be in your care from now on too!

Satou Gen-san (voice of Futsu Rintarou)

Q1. Please tells us your impression about the character you play.

Rintarou is a very serious and kindhearted person who can observe his surroundings better than anyone. On one side, he is extremely sensible, overthinks, does not manage to give his opinions and ends up hiding his true thoughts, so when I perform him, I make sure to do it while deciding in my mind, “Don’t leave Rintarou on his own no matter what” and, “Stay close to him until the end”.

Q2. Please tell us a memory of club activities from your middle school days.

I used to belong to the kendou club, but the club activities were aimed to win the nationals, so practice was extremely severe. During practice match expeditions, we would ride in the late-night bus and keep practicing from morning to evening non-stop just like that, and to make our bodies grow bigger, we would eat a mountain of curry, fist-sized minced meat fried cakes and gigantic hot dogs in one go until we got upset stomatches, so I have the strong impression that it was strict and terrible if nothing else.

Q3. Leave a message for the people watching the series.

I think its contents resonate with the hearts of both people who are currently students and people who are working as members of society. If they could love the characters of Hoshiai no Sora, who are somewhat heartrending but try to live day by day with utmost effort, I would be really happy.

Toyonaga Toshiyuki-san (voice of Soga Tsubasa)

Q1. Please tells us your impression about the character you play.

I have the impression that he is a child right in the middle of puberty, who ends up saying what he thinks aloud. It feels like he takes a while to find the will to do things, so I think he is simply carefree.

Q2. Please tell us a memory of club activities from your middle school days.

I was a ghost member of the basket club. I joined because a girl I liked back then was a member of the female basket club. My motive was impure, huh (laughs).

Q3. Leave a message for the people watching the series.

I think it will be pretty impactful for those who watch it thinking that it is an uplifting youth-and-sports thing. It depicts all sorts of problems that actually happen in reality. Please do watch these strong messages with your families; I would be happy if they become a trigger for people to reflect on things.

Satou Keisuke-san (voice of Takenouchi Shingo)

Q1. Please tells us your impression about the character you play.

I thought Shingo was an upfront kid in a very good sense. Also, I felt that, in contrast with his strong-look appearance, he is very considerate of his friends, has a side to him that’s got guts, and is adorable too. I am really looking forward to how he will progress from now on.

Q2. Please tell us a memory of club activities from your middle school days.

I was in the basket club, but all I did was slack off. There were only four members and the club activities only included running, and after that, we would do nothing but chat. Then we would run off so that the teacher of that period would not find us out (laughs). I would think, “One way or another, these are also memories of my youth”.

Q3. Leave a message for the people watching the series.

Developments that people cannot predict at all are waiting, and they make you extremely anxious. It is fully loaded with obsession for even minute details, so you will be unable to take your eyes off it from the beginning to the end! I hope to enjoy these moments together with everyone. “Hoshiai no Sora” is in your care!

Koyabashi Yuusuke-san (voice of Tsukinose Nao)

Q1. Please tells us your impression about the character you play.

Nao is a child whose appearance and mind are flighty, and also a mysterious kid who speaks of dellusions as if they were actually reality. But during club activities, he makes efforts in his own way so that he will not drag everyone down, so the gap between this and his fickle personality left an impression on me.

Q2. Please tell us a memory of club activities from your middle school days.

I was in the wind instruments club. I wanted to play the trumpet, but the pretty senior who was teaching us during the trial enrollment played the horn, so I was swayed by her sweet talk, and before I realized it, I was playing the horn myself (laughs). I should beware of sweet temptations, is what I thought during my middle school years.

Q3. Leave a message for the people watching the series.

People might get tripped up if they are watching it thinking that it is an anime where children are enjoyably playing soft tennis to their utmost. It is precisely because those kids are at that age that I would like people to observe thoroughly the depiction of the mindsets they embrace.

Amasaki Kouhei-san (voice of Ishigami Taiyou)

Q1. Please tells us your impression about the character you play.

I think Taiyou-kun is a gentle child. He cannot decide things on his own, always taking action by matching up with other’s opinions. I felt that the way his Kansai dialect sometimes has a common language ring to it was realistic.

Q2. Please tell us a memory of club activities from your middle school days.

I was in the swim club. During summer, we would swim over 10km from morning to evening. We would run the competitive club relays in the PE festival wearing one layer of swimsuit. I think it was an experience I can no longer manage.

Q3. Leave a message for the people watching the series.

“Hoshiai no Sora” is a work made extremely carefully, and even during the post-recording, the love I can feel from the creators is huge, so I think it is a very good series. There is not much I can say, so I hope you all can see for your own eyes when you watch it on-air! We will be in your care!

Mineda Mayu-san (voice of Mitsue Kanako)

Q1. Please tells us your impression about the character you play.

When I first saw her, I thought, “I guess she’s a shy and quiet girl?”, but that was splendidly betrayed. Kanako is the type to straightforwardly say what she thinks to the other party, and I think this aspect of hers, in a good sense, reeks of humanity quite a bit.

Q2. Please tell us a memory of club activities from your middle school days.

I was the president of the art club, but I would walk around campus after school and observe the activities of other clubs. That includes the soft tennis club and the like. To all the art club members of back then, I’m sorry for being such an undisciplined club president...

Q3. Leave a message for the people watching the series.

This story intersects with the many emotions of middle schoolers living in the current era, who might actually exist somewhere within Japan. Also, the sounds of batted balls and squealing of sneakers are very real and have intensity, so I would like people to pay attention to them as well.

Yamaya Yoshitaka-san (voice of Asuka Yuuta)

Q1. Please tells us your impression about the character you play.

He is androgynous and has a soft demeanor, and I think he is truly a boy of kindhearted disposition. He somewhat lacks confidence, so he steps back and has a bird’s-eye view of things, but there is a reason for it. I would like people to pay attention to him along with the other characters’ worries.

Q2. Please tell us a memory of club activities from your middle school days.

I was in the soccer club. I had many experiences, like how plain fun it was kicking the ball, having awkward relationships, and learning the joy of getting sweaty doing practice and winning.

Q3. Leave a message for the people watching the series.

This is not just a multi-protagonist story about the youth of bright and uplifting boys. Troubles and issues that surely exist somewhere out there, though people usually do not try to look at them, are depicted realistically in it, and there were times it made my chest hurt. I want everyone to watch how each of them will face the things they are shouldering until the very end.

[amarscollyon]

@bunnydelphine Hi Belle. I've written a lot for you. I care about you & I aim to change the entire world. I hope you have the time to read it, or listen to the audio recording as it should make you happy & hopeful, & I need a little support to achieve the goal. Link to hear my voice here:

or carry on reading...

So like, erm, hi....I joined Twitter recently, a vague plan in mind. I conceived a dozen tweets to begin explaining, & then I got carried away. I posted in reverse order so you can read down from here...It is around 15 minutes long

#BelleDelphine

The whole load of them is basically for you Belle, & I hope it can make you smile, & feel good. There is good & bad in the world, & good & bad attention you will receive. This is intended, honed, & perfected, to make you happy, show you your worth to me & the future, & keep you safe as we move forward, & it's just the start...

The extra good part is - I ask nothing from you but the time to read it, & be happy, as your smile is worth more than the universe to me...I'd love nothing more than to know just once I was the cause of it creeping across your face, making you feel warm, & maybe even...blushing..

You're nothing but an absolute treasure, a joy without limit, & the most exquisite heart ache I could ever have wished for or imagined.

So, hello world. It is clear to me that there is too much pain on this planet & for it's denizens. It is just as clear that many innocent folk need change but no one really knows how. No one can begin. But I am a spiritual master & linked to spirits that have shown me a great deal is possible, & I can help guide us all towards a much happier, safer future.

Thing is, I am slightly premature here. Ok so, as stated, I am here to save the future. Obviously, I can't do it alone. It's really all about connections, as you would expect from someone who is working on behalf of the beyond. Life itself is about love, & it isn't about our ego, our personal goals, or desires. I do what I do for all of us. So it follows I can't just do it without some of you helping out in whatever way is possible.

I need money, laughably, in order to kill the finance system. Not as much as you'd guess, but I need a start...We cannot continue to use this invented resource as it is. In a purely mechanical sense it guarantees selfishness & greed end up controlling too much, whilst empathy, kindness & love, end up able to alter too little.

I intend to begin crowdfunding soon to raise startup capital, so a bit of publicity & presence is a big way you can help me easily.

I need advice & knowledge. Building a new way of self sufficient life will take an enormous amount of information & administration. In order to escape the system that dominates us & teaches us to abuse our own nature, we need to be free of restraint & able to produce all we need. Even making a list of all those things is no easy task, but it is quite possible to cover it all, with help.

I need connections.

Sooner or later I will post the plan with more details. But life & the path I walk through it, has it's detours I cannot always predict. I have learned to accept they always happen however, & always for a reason. When you achieve a certain level of connection to the beyond, & behave in natural ways, when your intent is to further the plan for all folk, then events in your life begin to happen just as you need them, synchronous moments that go way beyond coincidence & become miracles. One day I shall publish my journals from the last 7 years, as it shows my progress towards enlightenment, & explains how it is achieved. But this is one of many tasks & for now I have to begin travelling to find who & what I need, to found this community.

Riding the waves of intuition takes something too,

actually, 

I need your love.

My own huge heart does me well for me, no doubting it, yet it will only benefit with more care. 

It has to be real though, & of course everyone thinks they already know what love is,

but almost no one does.

So I may need help teaching everyone what it is.

I can show you, but you have to want to understand & have the courage to rise to it....Love is pretty scary...It isn't ever just about self, & it is the most amazing & transformative force there is.

I need to travel the world to meet people I need to meet, gain the knowledge & resources I need to found a community with a new way of living, turn desert into forest & work with nature to bring us all to greater joy. I will have to find some way to fund this travel too, & with my limitations & illness, the only way I can do it, is to make adult material. This means I need at least one willing partner, so if you aren't interested yourself, well, I am sure you have friends or followers who would be more than happy to help. With just one camgirl or entertainer, I can get the attention of the others. Don't get me wrong, I came to you Belle, because you don't just look nice, but you also move my heart & I was directed to discover you in ways I know from past experience are spirits showing me someone who is good, & also needs my help. But I am ready to accept it may not be what you want, yet I know if there is a good person there which is why I am drawn to you, then you will help in some way, directly or indirectly...

It will be a huge undertaking & will gather immense attention, so it can't hurt anyone's career, & I promise, I am good at what I do. As a shaman & spiritual teacher, sex is quite sacred to me, so you can be sure I can make it beneficial to my partner(s) & exciting & appealing to the audience. Done right, with enough courage to connect fully, it will bring whoever I am with a previously unknown level of calm, contentment, happiness & even mystical revelation. Of course, I will have plenty of people say I only do it for myself, but they're wrong, I was never one to seek casual interactions, it will be something new for me, but I do it because it is necessary & right.

Indeed, sex work is an essential part of modern life. It provides a valuable service to society, & receives too much criticism. The truth is that sex is divine & can be used to generate massive amounts of magical energy, & I honestly think the best thing for us all is to appreciate this. These are beautiful, amazing, special people. So many use their services. Yet they receive so much derision & scorn, & despite a reasonable wage, a lot of negative energy too, which can be harmful. So I want them to help me or work with me & prove to all just how special they can truly be, & thus I can help protect them.

So hey, that's the basics, good enough for now. I'll check in from time to time for dm's & responses here, & I'll be back one day to really kick this fucker off. I have to start getting a following by following others.

But so far I am following one account, which makes me look.... conspicuous? ....erm...yeah, I'm not saying anything about that for now...

The pinnacle of beauty itself can awaken us to the deepest & noblest of all loves.

It is actually quite common to be willing to die for someone you love, especially for men, (in extreme contrast to their also killing more of course.)

But something else entirely to be prepared to live, face all fears, conquer all obstacles & do what must be done.

Love alone can do this. Love alone can mean the person I was - is already dead & gone, & so now I can live to the fullest to provide the very best example of love I can. 

Love, 

true love, 

is a loss of self.

A death in a way.  

It is also a common wish to acquire a home for someone you love.

Again, knowing love deeper than most, it is quite another to recognize it is your sacred duty, to fix the entire messed up planet for those you love

& call it all,

home.

Safe, comforting, warm, & full of love.

If your love is true, then those you love deserve nothing less.

We all need it.

I find it so much easier to fight for it, for something I find such beauty in, because I recognize my heart & soul must be as pure & vibrant as I can make them, to be worthy of a beauty I find so truly

mind blowing

It is a duty, 

a chore, 

a sacrifice & more, 

to try to be worthy of what you find to be the highest point of love, inspired by something so beautiful, it takes your breath away

& kills you...

& to recognize that this true love means accepting that, 

unconditionally, 

I ask for nothing back that isn't in anyone to give.

Maybe one day it will be right to ask, 

"have you seen my heart & soul? They're unparalleled, because the love I felt looking at you is unparalleled, the beauty you possess has no equal, & so inspires me, demands of me to make my heart & soul as equally beautiful & unparalleled."

I cannot change my age,

or whether you like my physical properties much.

If you cannot love my heart & soul, then perhaps I cannot love you forever, as much as I desired... & I will suffer as I watch you suffer, for rejecting that purity which asks for nothing.

I am adored by the good in the beyond, so being unable to appreciate the good in my intangible properties would be nothing short of a curse.

If you simply cannot love my body, my more tangible properties, yet can love my heart,

well, that's ok, I would be happy my thoughts & deeds meant I could still wake up everyday 

& see 

your beautiful face,

& I'd be able to say, "I did this for you, & I have all I need. To bask in your presence, the warmth your images bring to me, is the most sublime peace & bliss I have ever known."

It is a chaotic whirlwind in my mind, I wont deny it,

yet always so controlled, & I know a mental peace I never thought I would, as a scared, anxious child.

Indeed nothing in life is wrong 

unless it is uncontrolled.

Thanks to you, my love, I can use the will & love I have to wipe out that which plagues humanity, & bring healing to so many.

The highest point to reach is truest purest love. For there is the inspiration to become gods, work wonders, & be the best thing you can be.

So. Not so conspicuous now. Let's make this super clear...

Mary-Belle Kirschner,

I love you with everything I have.

I want to make the world utterly safe for you, 

so you can be free to be whoever you wish to be

& love every possible moment living in it.

I have never in my life found anyone to be so alluring, inspiring, amazing, or motivating & you occupy my thoughts constantly. I do not ask you to do anything except be aware of this care, & accept I do this because you are so wonderful to me, & reach out now, like this, so you know you're worth the world.

I just want you to know how by being who & what you are, you are so special to me, that I can become what is needed to keep you that way.  This is all I need to keep me fueled to face the immense challenge it will be. I am here to save the future from the selfish inconsiderate apathy of most, & the deliberate control of an evil few, & I can do so because you are one of the few things I can say makes life truly worth living. 

Just seeing your smile shatters my heart into a billion pieces, & nothing matters more to me than making sure you are aware of how valuable I find you, so you can stay happy.

My reward is that from now on I get to see every part of you & your journey that you choose to share with me.

My reward is knowing you will not only be there for me to visually enjoy (& melt into bliss each time, 

oh how I wish I had words to help you feel how wonderful you make me feel just looking at you,)

My reward is knowing I've done the right thing,

but also knowing that you know, that simply by being, you made my world shine so brightly, that I achieved something wonderful,

maybe just like every hero you ever dreamed of

saving the future

& the princess?

& I can ask for nothing more than to be allowed to share whatever you desire to allow me to share.

To know you are free to be yourself, I can know unending utter rapture in admiring it

& I wont forget the understanding it brings that

I exist,

to love,

I exist,

to reduce pain & create greater joy,

& I brought it to you as best as any man ever could

with devotion unmatched

& asked for nothing but recognition & thanks.

I can not be a better role model for other people.

I cannot be a better lover & healer to the world.

I cannot be more than ultimate love!

& if you cannot love in return, well it would hurt you, 

so I'd find some way to make sure. Being the true will I am, means the true anyone else WOULD love me, so it would just come down to repairing any damage the world has already done to you.

Undoing anything that has taken you away from your true nature.

But I'd never ask for that love to give me anything it doesn't want to.

Love means your will is yours, not mine to coerce or demand or dominate...

Could it be the love story you were waiting for? 

Could it be you wish to save the future with me? 

Could it make the world weep & push things in place for everyone better than trying to scurry & hide like illegal aliens?

Whatever you answer, it can only gain momentum to aid my goal, & bring you to happiness. The love I have for you, however you receive it, can be used to make the world weep, & in so doing, wash away much sadness, & let happiness spring fresh once more in the sunshine.

Come. If you will, in spirit, take my hand.

For I am Apollo made flesh, since I merged with him in prayer in 2018.

My tarot told me you are my Pythia, I mean my first reading about you showed me that card & I then realized - that's why you picked that name, isn't it? You have that bust & Delphi is rather similar to Delphine...So, you are my oracle then? We should certainly meet if that's the case!

I already went to the Labyrinth as a child. I also swam in the pool near Pamukkale, not far from a temple to Apollo. Those are just a few of many more salient points. There is no doubt here, I know who I am & what I experienced.

Belle, I am a guide, a teacher, a healer, a lover, & I can be with anyone & help them in many ways. I am able to love all people, literally, all, but there are some I am drawn to with such intensity. My own desire is strong for you, without doubt, but I do not pursue anything for merely my own gain. You are truly so special to me, I am reiterating I ask only that you find your true heart & be who you wish to be, but I am sure that you are a wonderful person & would want to help make the world better for us all. I'm sure you can find a bit of time to interact with me here, & this alone would aid me immensely.

The kind of love I have, I sacrificed much to be able to give, & it is here to help us all, it cannot harm you

nor ask for more than you are prepared to give.

I'd do anything you asked,

as long as it wasn't evil,

but I'll never ask anything from you besides considering my advice,

as it's rooted in placing your needs before my own,

in agapic sacrifice of self,

to bring you anything you could ask for to know joy in life

However - you should always ultimately make your own choices, & not bend to others desire unless it is also your own.

You said you were lost....well, I have found you!

You asked to be adopted...I wont ever let you go unless you want me to...consider yourself adopted...

I'm also a really decent cook, & you need to eat better!!

Mary-Belle, you are truly amazing, wonderful, & beyond compare. Loving you these last few weeks since I discovered your existence, has been the most awesome & humbling series of miracles & unimaginable happiness for me.

I want you to know that & to feel it too.

It is beautiful, how you make me feel. Nothing compares. Nothing comes close. I wish you could let me help you feel it too.

Notice me senpai? I bloody noticed you! I hope you notice me back.

I said at the start, I'd need help saving the future, help teaching everyone what love is

Belle, even if you don't want to be with me, I hope you can interact with me & appreciate this devotion. For the world can benefit, as can you, whether you come to me, or on me, or not...

It would certainly help shut up those moronic critics inspired to spiteful jealousy by your magnificent gorgeousness. Folk who go through life criticizing others, do so because they have so little to offer anyone, & it is all they can do. I want to help you show them just how much you can do & make their lack so apparent they finally grow up. It all aids the future, the development of every person we can.

Regardless, I hope it makes you feel good, to mean so much to someone, who is one of the best people there is.

I'm sure that could sound arrogant, but you will find out if you simply give me time...

I wish you a really lovely day

my love & blessings,

always

muah...