#twitter just infuriates me but is that surprising to anyone

[ping-ski]

IDGAF that ur a canon purist!! that's not the problem!! i care more ab the people having fun + being cringe and free!! my problem is that you keep shitting on their harmless takes!! fanon and canon are both cool!!

everyone's got different interpretations of characters!! besides, no one can ever be truly faithful to the canon!! when all ur takes that are "respecting the canon" character's traits are over exaggerated anyway!!

besides, everyone's takes/fics are technically ooc!! we are at the mercy of their creators/authors cause they have final say!! (pray for us all.)

alr RANT OVER!! i just dont think we should police others on interpretations that may or may not be "accurate/canon"?? its a silly discussion cuz no one is obligated to limit themselves like that

i just hope what i said made sense cuz its 2am and im so tired

[windichimes]

ʏᴀɴᴅᴇʀᴇ ɢᴏᴊᴏ ʜᴄꜱ

warnings: yandere themes, unhealthy relationships, threats

note: he’s so pretty and annoying and i’m weak for him 😞

art credit: ma10ba (twitter)

Limitless – Gojo Satoru

obsessive, possessive, annoying

Once Gojo enters your life, he becomes a permanent fixture. He’s everywhere, and wherever you go, you're bound to bump into him. It’s like he has a sixth sense (or eyes) that lets him know when you're out and about. As soon as you take a step into a public area, there he is, materializing out of thin air with a grin on his face.

He's shamelessly vocal about his affection for you too, and anyone who stands remotely close to is bound to get insights into your relationship. What’s more is he’s always clinging onto you at every opportunity. Walking? Might as well do it while holding his hand. Sitting on the couch? He's got you pulled against his side, and if he's in a mischievous mood, you'll end up in his lap with no means of escape.

It's not just private displays of affection either, Gojo is just as affectionate in public, if not more so. His hand always finds its way to touch you, whether it's wrapping around your waist, resting on your thigh, or simply brushing against your arm. He's clingy and possessive, always seeking your attention and affection. The worst, really.

He's the embodiment of perfection – the strongest – and he knows it. People would do anything to be in your place, he often tells you.

“Admit it, you're secretly finding me irresistible, aren't you? I can see it in your eyes. Go on, say it. Make my day.”

You're stunned into silence by his audacity, your eyes wide open in a mixture of bewilderment and surprise. For all his claims of having good vision, it seems he’s selectively blind to your glaring distaste of him.

“When was the last time you went to the optometrist?”

Gojo laughs before scoffing in mock offense, putting a hand to his chest in an exaggerated manner. His eyes sparkle with unabashed delight.

"I’ll have you know my vision is perfect, unlike yours, which is clearly clouded by your denial of your undying attraction to me.”

“No, I’m seriously worried–”

You’re interrupted when Gojo unceremoniously slings an arm over your shoulders, pulling you closer to his side. His touch is too comfortable for your liking, and he pinches your cheek with his free hand, a large, infuriating smile on his face.

"And it's not just your vision that's a little off," he chides, flicking your forehead lightly.

“Your memory, too. It’s like you’ve forgotten about what I said about sticking close to me.”

His smile becomes sharper, predatory, as he brushes his fingers lightly over your cheek, tracing a path towards your jawline before grasping your chin and tilting your face up to meet his gaze.

“Remember that next time. Kay?”

Gojo's mind can't comprehend rejection, it's a concept foreign and alien to him. From birth, he's been pampered and given everything he desires, so when you refuse to give yourself to him, it's as though you've thrown a wrench in the well-oiled machine of his world. At first, he's confused, uncertain of how to react to your resistance. However, he eventually comes to the conclusion that he can’t let you go. This realization is swift, and it's a chilling acknowledgement of the twisted dynamic that's taken root in your relationship. To Gojo, losing you is not an option, no matter the cost. In his mind, you belong to him, and he'll stop at nothing to ensure that you're firmly ensnared in his grasp.

You’re his, can’t you see that?

[midnightsslut]

So was taylor really cancelled in 2016 or was it more that she wasn't as popular as she was/would like to be?

oh she was absolutely canceled. buckle up because I have a lot of thoughts on this djsjsj.

if you were around in the fandom at all, you knew. things were BAD. that level of hate towards a celebrity is honestly rare these days. i would say the only thing that comes close in recent memory is like… idk, it’s actually hard to think of any because it was a combination of a few factors. it’s not that the general public decided to quietly boycott her and stop consuming her music. it’s that there were viral tweets hating on her pretty much every week. if she did anything in 2016-18, it was met with an absolutely asinine amount of criticism. twitter had a field day with things as innocent as her september cover and her post about having a good year in 2017. a lot of celebrities decided to distance themselves and take kanye’s side. there were numerous articles written about how she was finally going down and should apologize for being problematic. people were famously convinced the tour would flop and absolutely celebrated it. people literally told her she was dead. it’s genuinely difficult to explain the scope of this hate train to people who weren’t around at the time, especially because the news cycle is very different now. people get over news stories a lot quicker than they used to.

now, the main argument people use to prove that she wasn’t canceled is the first-week sales of reputation, which is sort of funny to me because all the coverage in 2017 focused on how its performance was lackluster compared to 1989. of course it still sold well compared to other artists’ albums in the first week, because there was still hype around her comeback, and most importantly, she has a huge fan base. none of the singles had longevity except delicate, which fans genuinely worked their asses off to campaign for. the radio did not play her singles like it used to, though this is due to other factors as well. sure, rep was not actually a flop, but it was nowhere near how TS6, the follow-up to one of the biggest pop eras of the decade, could’ve performed without the cancellation. it also got the worst reviews of her career, most of which generally didn’t focus on the music or the lyricism and were just mad at her as a person. yes, this sounds dramatic, considering the fact that it still got a lot of glowing reviews. the media made sure to focus on a lot of the negative stuff, although they were surprised that critics generally seemed to like it.

what’s funny is that, when she spoke about the kanye controversy in interviews in 2019, no one told her she wasn’t ‘really’ canceled, because a lot of people still hated her. they just told her to get over it. the level of hate was nowhere near pre-rep tour levels anymore, but she was still one of the most criticized celebrities, and it was widely believed that her peak had passed (people love to write revisionist history about the lover album and its performance that does not actually reflect the numbers, but that’s another story). now that more time has passed, and she’s even higher than she was pre-2016, people want to convince her that she’s actually wrong.

it’s almost insane to me to chalk up that level of hate to anything other than a cancellation. seeing articles like ‘was taylor swift REALLY canceled?’ and essays on why that’s just in her head will infuriate ANYONE who was online and didn’t hate her. none of the articles I linked here really convey the scope of that hate. taylor really played the long game and came out the other side of it, but she WAS canceled.

[chaifootsteps]

i remember back when the queen bee ep dropped last summer, there was this whole thing going on with the hh/hb fandom on twitter where everyone had moe szyslak pfp. dani even had one at one point. i think her name was like lesbian moe or something?

and viv had a moe pfp pic when she said all that transphobic shit. im having trouble finding the screenshots easily, but im liiiiike 85% sure she said all that stuff around june/july too. that, and theres a tweet she made after she announced the queen bee ep, thats just a screenshot of her and sam talking on discord, where she has that same pfp, and she's like "lol no one knew i was talking about 0108" or something like that, i dont remember exactly.

but it just sticks out to me, because it was the first time i thought "oh, she really is transphobic. this is a real screenshot." because there was absolutely no way these things could be a coincidence. it felt like the first time i connected the dots on my own, and i thought people would point it out, but ive never seen anyone else acknowledge it. so i had to get it off my chest here.

i think those screenshots just strike a nerve with me, because they're not surprising from her considering the issues her shows have now (the misogynistic writing, the emphasis on dicks and hardly ever vaginas, etc,) but it still honestly hurts :(

Yeah, everything from the pfps to the dates to the way she types all lines up flawlessly. That anyone can put it all together and still look the other way is one of the more infuriating things about Viv.

[enapav]

hmmm I honestly admit that due to the stress outside, I also experience a little stress in bnha fandom, because due to my preferences I am still considered an outcast of the fandom, with whom people are afraid to communicate because of my favorite ship.

"why are you liking this artist's work? they ships (ship name)!" or "everything was fine until I went to your page and saw this ship" I'm a very anxious and impressionable person, so any negativity towards what I love causes me a lot of stress. Sometimes I give up to leave.

lack of feedback, people jump from “this pairing is interesting” to “this pairing is disgusting in nature”, when I start to think that maybe people are finally starting to like this ship. I'm honestly starting to give up, but I want to be with everyone, not an outcast.

I didn’t think I’d start writing about this here, but here I am, tired and full of stress. my arts on twitter is a rollercoaster, I wanted at least some kind of stability, but everything slides into the same hatred, and I have to go through it all again. I know that I should ignore all this and draw for myself, but I admit that I am weak to public opinion and do not consider it a bad thing. I'm just sad to see how they literally walk around me a kilometer away without knowing anything. It makes me very sad

I was thinking about leaving a long time ago, because I was infuriated by this injustice with the Shigadeku/Dekushiga tags, because people were forbidden to draw what they wanted and the fact that the impression of the pairing was only uniform because of the content before.

I wanted to show people that they shouldn't be afraid, because social media is free for arts. but with each such jump I get more and more tired. I either get the stick or the carrot, and every time I have to guess what will happen this time.

I'm surprised at the number of dekushiga fans now, but I'm not super popular, and my words "let's draw more!" won't inspire anyone. it turned out what happened - people hate this ship, and I am unable to correct mass opinion which has been established for YEARS

I just want to hang out with everyone

thanks for reading lol

[adickaboutspoons]

Put your tiny hand in mine

So about the "father figure Izzy."

"You're my only family" landed like a sucker-punch with me when 2x8 first aired, leaving me bewildered, disgusted, and more than a little angry. Izzy as Ed's family? Since. Fucking. WHEN??? At BEST, Izzy was a shitty, insubordinate employee whose absence bothered Ed not one jot or tittle, and whose entitled possessiveness led him to think he could control Ed through threats of escalating, and eventually state-backed violence.

But more bewildering and alienating than that one, infuriating line has been seeing the fandom discourse embrace that idea, first with some people claiming that it's what they've been saying all along (I don't want to call them liars, but I have been in the fandom since April 2022, and it was not a take that I saw before the end of s2. But perhaps it was something said on a Discord I'm not privy to, or on twitter or something; I do most of my fandoming right here, and my feed is heavily curated, so there's a non-zero chance that it was a popular take that just never floated into my orbit), then slowly but insidiously becoming the predominant take, with its adopters going so far as to say that the dynamic has been there all along, that it was clearly always the intention of the writers that we read Ed's relation to Izzy that way, and that anyone who denies the dynamic is clearly willfully reading against the text. And all of this in the wake of a pull quote from ONE Djenks interview where he said the words "father figure." *sigh*

So the last time I looked to DJenks interviews for insight into his and the other writer's thought process I got taken to task for poor media literacy and not understanding that quotes can be misconstrued or taken out of context and that reporters have agendas to which they bend the narrative of their articles, and that when creative are giving interviews, their job is to sell the product, not necessarily convey their deepest, heart-felt truths. Which? Didn't love, but fair enough - it really is important to hold one another to account and make sure we’re not just seeing what we want to see, and context IS important. But I also hope that we can agree that if one uses similar or identical verbiage in more than one interview, across venues, with different interviewers, and across time, then it’s reasonable to assume that really IS a what the person thinks, or, at the v. least, a decided Talking Point that one is comfortable being the Official Narrative regarding the creative process. So with that in mind, y’all are aware that DJenks has some v. specific insight about exactly when the idea of “father figure Izzy” came into the writing process, right? (In the interest of not being accused of taking things out of context again, I am providing the date and the venue so you can look it up yourself if you like, the question immediately proceeding the quote, and DJenks' response. The only alteration I have made is bolding the relevant text)

Oct 26, 2023, EW: A lot of these characters have evolved over two seasons, but it seems like Izzy has gone through one of the biggest evolutions. He went from being so dismissive of the others to being a key part of the crew. What interested you most about his arc? Jenkins: You know, I didn't expect him to become kind of a father figure to Ed. I think we hit on that while we were breaking the [final] episode. He's in such a weird position: He's like a jilted lover, and then he's a middle manager who has to work for a terrible boss. He gets thrown away, and then he comes back. He really develops, and he becomes a part of this family. I think the biggest surprise was the extent that he was a mentor to Ed. They were both Blackbeard. They both made Blackbeard happen. Oct 26, 2023, Paste: Speaking of that funeral, Con O’Neill played Izzy’s journey across two seasons so beautifully. When did it come to you that his last words to Ed about just being himself were going to have such an impact? Jenkins: It’s kind of a strange arc in that I knew we were going to put him through all these things, and I knew he would ultimately die. But I think him becoming a father figure to Ed in the last episode didn’t really dawn on us until we were breaking the last episode. Asking what would this man say to Ed at the end because they’ve been together through everything? He went from a troubled and downtrodden employee to a jilted lover to a discarded employee, to someone that is just trying to find his footing again—no pun intended—to actually becoming this guy’s parental figure on some level. And he’s one person who kind of raised Ed right, because Blackbeard usually kills his parental figures. So, it felt right and it felt like that’s how the mentor dies. The mentor in a story usually dies in the second act and then our hero has to go on and try to do it without them. It felt like the right journey for Izzy and a gratifying one for Con Oct 26, 2023 Vulture: It seems like it took being almost at death’s door for [Izzy] to be vulnerable enough to receive and understand that kindness without reflexively telling them to fuck off. Jenkins: Both Izzy and Blackbeard have ego deaths this season. And on the other side of the ego deaths, weirdly, Izzy is a father figure to Ed. It’s such an unusual journey. The character is kind of a jilted lover who then becomes a maimed and discarded employee and emerges from that into being a father figure who says as he’s dying, “You’re all right. Just be you.” Oct 26, 2023, Variety: “To kill a character is such a big thing, even in a world that is this violent,” Jenkins says. “We had to do justice to Izzy, and to that relationship between he and Ed. There is a nice parallel to have Ed treat him so badly at the beginning of the season and then come all the way around to where Izzy is this sort of father figure he doesn’t want to lose — because Ed usually kills his father figures.”

So. I think it's more than clear that the writers stumbled into the idea of Izzy being Ed’s father-figure while writing nearly the very last part of the very last episode. It was never the intention that the character be read that way in the first season, and, as far as I can tell, they didn't even bother retconning what they'd already written in the second season to organically lead to that conclusion.

But, oh my v. dears! Take my hand. Close your eyes. Make a wish. Count to three. I’m here to tell you that NONE OF WHAT DJENKS SAID MATTERS when it comes to analyzing the text of the show as it exists in the wild. You can and SHOULD be just as dismissive of what he had to say about the intentions of the writers as, no doubt, a number of you have already decided to be dismissive about what I have to say. The author is dead! Long live the interpreter! Because, just because it wasn't intended doesn't mean it's not there in the text. After all, Alex Sherman also once said the writers didn't intentionally write Izzy to be racist, and if you're following me (which, lbr, is the only way anyone is going to see this), I think we can all agree that is v. much Not The Case. If you find significance in the idea that Izzy was always a father-figure to Ed all along, and find compelling in-text arguments to support that position, that's fantastic. I love that for you! I disagree, but that doesn't make you bad or wrong - but neither does it make me, or the others like me who were gobsmacked by "you're my only family" and for whom the "father figure Izzy" take holds no water wrong; it just means I have different criteria by which I qualify the term “father figure” than you do, and find the relationship between Ed and Izzy falls short of those metrics. So maybe cool it with the "rip to everyone who's mad about Izzy the father figure" rhetoric? I promise that not everyone who finds the way Izzy's arc was handled in S2 less than satisfactory is a canyonite making bad faith arguments to justify why they're mad they lost their blorbo.

[hisandsnakes]

This isn’t really an argument for or against him or anyone else, but Hollywood and many other industries are full of Zionist elites who can have anyone’s career ruined (just look at how many people have been fired so far from other professions, like journalists, simply for saying “Free Palestine” or liking Pro-Palestinian posts). So honestly it’s unsurprising to me why half of celebs aren’t speaking out publicly. Also wouldn’t be surprised if there were more than just career threats across all these industries tbh. I will say though, in regard to P, as you highlighted, he is a Chilean refugee whose own parents were forced to flee (with him as a baby) from a U.S-backed and Isr*eli-supported coup that put Pinochet’s fascist regime in power. He also demonstrated a Pro-Palestine stance back in 2021 when he still had Twitter, so I think we can at least guess where he personally stands. And to be honest, given how many other celebs have been posting neutral ‘both sides’ bs, sharing misinformation and spreading Isr*eli propaganda, I’m glad he’s at least not joining in on all that shit. We also just don’t really need every single celeb to ‘weigh in’ with their geopolitical commentary because most of them are ignorant af and tend to just take publicly neutral positions, which is not helpful, at all... If they can’t take the time to truly educate themselves before speaking or are afraid to speak, then the most helpful thing they can do is to just stop opening their mouths and start opening their purses instead to support Palestinian relief funds.

This also may just be my cynical side, but I really don’t believe that that ceasefire letter which Oscar and some odd-50 celebs signed to the U.S. government is going to do anything at all to make Biden’s administration move. It’s at best a hollow effort. The U.S. government will always, always support, fund, cover up, and LIE for Isr*el and all it’s atrocities. It WANTS Isr*el in the Middle East because they are essentially their military presence there—Biden himself defended Isr*el’s existence back in the 80s for this very reason. A colonial government that has interfered, divided, destabilised, destroyed, and massacred the Middle East for decades is simply not going to bend over to some celebs writing a neural letter politely asking for them to get Isr*el to ceasefire... A ceasefire alone will not end the apartheid and oppression; it’ll just go back to business as usual. Like these celebs are using only 2% of their brains if they think a ceasefire will magically solve everything. Netanyahu must also be tried for his war crimes. The IDF must be dismantled. And the Palestinians must have their freedom restored and ALL their occupied land to be returned to them. They should have included all that in their letter too if they want their gesture to at least be actually meaningful.

All that said, I think the only actual hope is the collective threat of Russia, China, and the global South all stepping in to intervene. The West needs to be threatened at this point because nothing else is working.

(Sorry for this mini-rant in your inbox. Witnessing the world governments’ active support for this genocide is the most infuriating, devastating thing I have ever witnessed in my relatively short lifetime. My heart breaks everyday for the Palestinians.)

Well don’t be sorry because this was very interesting to read and i actually agree with all of it.

Also i didn’t know P demonstrated a pro palestinian stance a few years ago, do you remember what he said ?

Same my heart breaks for the palestinians and i can’t stand the injustice..

Thank you for sharing your opinion and for your insight on this 🤍

(I wish i could say more but english is not my first language so i can’t find the words to express all i want but you did it so that’s good!)

[cjoatprehn]

I agree and relate with mostly of this, with the select few that I may addendum for my particular experiences. I also have a few to add on.

My experience with Social Medias

ArtStation I’ve never had; but I was greatly disappointed by how the No AI protest was handled on their site. Anyone who protested against AI ended up with either their posts deleted or their account shadow banned from what I saw. Someone correct me, if I’m wrong.

Pixiv I’ve peeked in and looked around but my main thing was inaccessibility on mobile. I discontinued use after a few times. Unfortunately I’m not surprised here with AI and NFTs, either.

I’ve never had and never will have Instagram. I’ve been suggested to make an account, and I will always say no. Any site gives me general bad vibes with varying degrees of wariness. Instagram has been the only place where I detected early in my life and just—straight up internally blacklisted. When news comes out about that site, I am not surprised.

I only had Facebook due to someone (I don’t recall who but it wasn’t me from what I remember) making an account for me. I had a general “okay” time when I became a bit more active there. I made friends. Set up a business part of my profile. A few things ruined that. Racism and anti-Blackness, family who know damn well they were horrendous acting like they could interact with me again, and a traumatizing experience with my first ever stalker originating from an Undertale Roleplay (UTRP) discord server pulling all stops to target me, (May drop the story on that another day if requested enough.). The algorithm already shadow banned my art posts, early ever saw more interactions.

Facebook also owns Instagram. The slightest moment I could, I dipped without a trace.

DeviantArt was rather nice while it lasted. It only took straight up cruel folks, irritating gatekeeping fans, and traumatizing experience to make me go inactive. Then Twitter & NFTs came along, and no matter if I had old works and old OCs there that may be my only record of recalling them. Deleted and left.

Discord is complicated. AI & NFTs is just one issue; but I will not delve into those right now. That aside…other than AI & NFTs, I’ve met the greatest of folks and got hit with the most awful pains here. Still do at times. My creative spirit started diminishing when managing posting work in multiple places + NFTs + malicious intent users started appearing in my DMs.

Twitter…*sighs* so much I could say here. Keeping it brief. Twitter is the dumpster fire of dumpster fires. Along with AI and NFTs, ya got Musk owning and running it, piss poor algorithm even before then, and many are favored over the other in the code, and even unethical coding goes into the app (and website, just like mostly every other site) to have you stuck scrolling or on the site, searching fro information and dopamine to the point where EVEN if you want to stop you can’t for long. That’s just a damn few. I only made an about after I joined Tumblr a lil before the exodus of it. Didn’t understand where everyone was going so I naively joined. Now I’m scarred and recovering.

Here’s a few I’ve noticed from the little things I use.

If you’re on iOS you may have heard of Universe: Website Builder already. I made an account and my website there for the ease of accessibility when making your website. It was simplistic and easier that maintaining and working on it was my best experience. But as of this year, they introduced GUS as an AI to build your website for you. And yes you can still do shit on your own, but it’s gotten enough to the point where Universe: Website Builder became Universe: AI Website Builder. I’m infuriated because that’s the only thing of its kind that I know of (since 2017) that enabled me to make and host my website as it is today. They still kinda have GUS as an option for me to enable and I straight up refuse or ignore it. Not getting shit from me.

Addendum to Discord, I remember between 2021-2022 when Bass Rebels created an AI Art Channel; and I voiced my concerns and upset in DMs with the server owner. I muted the channel and turned on hiding muted channels. I have no clue if it was actually addressed or not; and I don’t know if any other alternatives of Bass Rebels, atm.

Then another small D&D Discord server I used to play in a campaign in, someone started posting AI stuff in the art channel. I muted the art channel and hid it as a result. Great folks there, I just…can’t agree with that. Was hesitant to bring it up due to traumatic reasons that didn’t involve them specifically, and a couple non-traumatic experiences with communicating that…did. I am not the most active there, anyways.

Will edit this post with more as I recall of more. But while my creative visual art burnout is not due to NFTs and AI, they sure contributed their fair share to the hopelessness.

My differences

The thing I don’t agree with in OP’s post is “techbro” and “automatically hating.” I’m not discounting OPs experience. I don’t think AI and NFT is all of tech folks. Who knows? Tech folks may learn and create something that’s not like either of these. Believe me, I recognize the pattern though, it’s happened with me. A traumatizing thing happens a couple times then your trust dissipates for the overall experience and entire group surrounding the group and more. Your caution affects your experiences and actions from then on.

I will forever avoid AI and NFTs that aim to replace humanity’s creative outlets in life. I will view Tech folks, as I do everyone, with wariness like a lot of things in life. But I refuse to be so Black and White with life and the folks living life. There’s gray (nuance) in everything.

In short,

It’s fucked up how this is the route that folks making “Creative” AI and NFTs has gone. I hope the route taken ends expeditiously.

AI and NFT are garbage because EVERY big site I was hanging around as an artist would not leave me alone about the garbage

Twitter? You get too popular and some bozo wanted to take your art and make it into a NFT or take your literal likeness and make a copy of you doing things you would never do

Instagram? Type in the wrong hashtag and comment section is hounding me to join some randos NFT scam

deviantart? hey we're going to alert you if someone uses your art in a NFT also we automatically put all you guys art an OUR AI generator. Aren't we thoughtful

artstation? cool if we AI here?

PIXIV? we updated our policy about AI during one of those multiple updates you didn't read awhile ago

Discord? If you didn't make it, you can't guarantee there isn't some AI or NFT bro looking for some material just lurking

it was and still is exhausting

Somedays I don't even know what or where or how I'm going to post online

my creative motive has been damaged for like 2 years now and it's not fun

so ya

AI, NFT all garbage and now I just automatically hate anything a techbro creates

[mandowh0re]

Come Back To Me

Prologue

Pairing: Merperson! Tony Stark x Steve Rogers

Summary: Steve leaves Tony behind to go fight in the war, and doesn’t come back… Until 65 years later.

Warnings: Allusions to sex, mentions of death, angst with a happy ending (eventually)

Word Count: 750

A/N: Soooo. Yeah. This is a result of this art I saw on twitter belonging to @capnstars ! I literally had to. And it’s longer than I originally said it would be, with more chapters on the way. I have no self control. Obviously. This takes place in 2010, and I do plan on adding more background that will obviously be completely different from the actual MCU timeline.

p.s. if anyone would be willing to make a mood board for this so i can replace this random pic i would love u bc i SUCKKK at moodboards LMAO

Happy reading!

Prologue / Part 1

Steve leans against the large oak tree that borders the bank of the river. He’s waiting for Tony. Today’s their day. This is their spot.

He taps his foot, trying ti ignore the knots in his stomach. He feels sick, like he’s about to do something horrible. And maybe he is, but he won’t talk himself out of it. He can’t.

He’s thrumming his fingers on his thigh when he gets splashed with water. He looks over and sees Tony with his arms holding onto a boulder embedded into the bank, his tail thwipping in the water. Steve recognizes the movement as excitement.

“What’s distracting you?” Tony asks, a grin gracing his features.

And for a moment, just one moment, Steve considers calling it off.

But he can’t. He has to do this. He promised, and a lot of people are counting on him.

“I’m being deployed.” He blurts, cutting right to the chase.

Tony’s face falls, an unreadable expression on his face. He’s quiet for several moments, and Steve can’t really take it, “Tony-”

“That’s not funny.”

“It’s not a joke.”

“You can’t even swim without losing your breath-”

“I know-”

“You can’t walk more than a mile!”

“I know-”

“You can’t-”

“I know!” Steve shouts, louder than he meant to. Tony looks surprised at the outburst and Steve takes a few deep breaths before explaining, “I was recruited by a doctor. They’re going to inject me with this… Serum. It’s supposed to make me bigger, stronger. It’s supposed to make me… Not sick. I could help them. I can help win the war, Tony.”

Steve can read Tony’s expression now. It’s terrified, like when Tony first witnessed one of Steve’s asthma attacks. He hates seeing the man he loves anything but happy.

“How?” Is all Tony asks.

Steve shrugs, “I don’t know.”

“You’re letting them do an experiment on you that you don’t even understand??”

“I trust them, plus I wouldn’t understand it if I tried. It’s advanced.”

“Steve-“

“I’m not changing my mind, Tony.”

And Tony knows this. He knows how hard headed Steve is. How self sacrificial and selfless he is. It’s fucking infuriating at times.

Most of the time, actually.

In any case, he knows Steve won’t change his mind.

“Promise you’ll come back, at least.”

“I can’t promise tha-“

“Promise, Steve!” Tony bites, holding back tears. He feels like his heart might shatter with the slightest breeze.

Steve takes a few breaths before sitting on the ground in front of Tony. He runs a hand through his wet hair before hooking a finger under Tony’s chin, making him look at Steve.

“Okay. I promise I will come back to you.”

It’s quiet again for a while before Tony speaks again.

“How long do you have?”

“I leave in the morning.”

“Then I need you to kiss me now.”

****

Tony never sees Steve again. He shows up at their spot at the same time every day, hoping that today will be the day Steve surprises him.

But he never does.

A year and a half goes by when a beautiful woman shows up while Tony is waiting. He quickly hides, but she calls out for him, saying Steve sent her.

When she approaches, she does her best to school her features. She’s never seen a mer person, after all. But Steve sent her here because he trusted her. Because he couldn’t get himself killed without letting Tony know he loved him.

She tells Tony everything. Well, everything that’s not classified. She tells him about Steve’s being used as propaganda, Steve deciding he’s had enough and running headfirst into danger to save Bucky, then leading multiple missions in the war before the very last one that got him killed. She tells Tony that he saved the world.

Then she gives him Steve’s dog tags.

“We never found a… Well we never found him. But before everything happened he left his tags with me, wanted you to have them. I guess in a way he knew he might…”

Tony’s hand shakes as he takes the metal chain from her. He can’t even look her in the eyes. There’s a large tears running down his cheeks, even though he’s completely silent.

She apologizes, and leaves a weather proof box with a device that Tony can hide and use in case there’s an emergency and she’s needed. But then she leaves to let Tony grieve.

Tony holds onto the chain like a lifeline as he drowns in his sorrow.

***

Permanent Taglist: @yes-iamironman-blog @paradoxicalblueberry (WHERE DID U GO??) @the-regal-warrior @transparentparadiseglitterzombie @my-leg-is-not-a-chew-toy @lyricalstella-blog @just-the-daydreamer @poptartpoppyy

[chichirichick]

New Fandom Journey!

Well, friends, we all know I love SoMa to the ends of the earth, but I have to admit that as my baby keeps me up for all hours of the night I've been able to get into Spy x Family and I'm OBSESSED with Twiyor. Since they've been taking up room rent-free in my brain, I've written a quick one-shot in hopes of breaking into the fandom. Please let me know your opinions- the good, the bad, and the ugly. Without further delay, here's:

Trying

Summary: After a failed party, both Loid and Yor have to examine feelings they've always been hesitant to explore. ((Disclaimer: marked not canon compliant because I'm 100000% sure they're not going to give us a romance this easily in the series.))

Read it on AO3, ff.net, or below!

Parties could be broken down into a simple equation that always equaled the upkeep of the mission. Parading in front of Yor's "friends"—if that's what you could call those terrible banshees from her office—added a layer of safety to the act. It was imperative regardless of Loid's personal feelings–though he had to admit the deep loathing was a thick, inky smog that often threatened to strangle him.

"How long have they been married?"

The twitter of an unfamiliar voice had Loid's ear perked, making him tilt his head ever so slightly towards the kitchen.

"Oh, who cares? Regardless of the time, it's strange."

"Strange" was never the word Loid wanted to hear.

"Well, he can't be the problem. He already has a daughter."

Regardless of the calm he tried to exude, Loid prickled, eye twitching momentarily. Yor, his mind whispered protectively.

"She's probably barren. It wouldn't be a surprise. I bet it happened when she was selling–"

This time his neck snapped towards the disgusting voices along with the involuntary stomping step of his foot. He could see his actions easily playing out: busting into the kitchen, parting those venomous harpies, and defending his wife– the woman he chose– the woman he–

Yor's delicate, cool fingers wrapped around his, catching his momentum before it could become a whirlwind. The view as he turned his head was even more infuriating than those creeping words. Yor was smiling softly—knowingly—at him with more a wisp of melancholia than the bitterness she deserved to harbor. Before that could spur his feet again, she squeezed their connection, leaving him with a message he could barely swallow:

Don't.

The taste of bile laced his tongue as he produced a grin in return. Just a loving couple exchanging a glance. Just a happily married pair weaving their fingers together in a sweet exchange. As if to make the moment count, Loid leaned down, his lips lingering closely to her ear. "I want to leave." 

To anyone else those words would be a loving whisper, not a desperate plea. 

To every other partygoer the kiss that he dusted along that elegant cheekbone would be a stereotypical exchange, not an uncalculated, knee-jerk mistake. 

To everyone but Loid Folger that moment would be a sweet interlude, not another wall crumbling.

--

Yor stared at the darkened ceiling, worrying the sheets in her fingers as they rested on her chest. The party had gone much like all the others, but this time a sour air followed them home, wrapping tightly around Loid. There was no mistaking the cause either– it was her.

That wasn't the first time she'd heard the whispers, and the subject matter itself wasn't a surprise. Married women had children. It was a natural order, one that any normal couple would follow. Instead, she was unnatural– as she always was. There was no hope, even if Loid was–

Her eyes snapped shut, desperate and tight against the thoughts and maybe even the threat of tears. In the darkness, a terrible muttering voice hit her:

How long until he realizes how wrong you are?

Yor's breath faltered as she lunged to sit. The sheets crumpled at her waist, her hands now white knuckled fists in her lap.

How long until you lose this place? Anya? Him?

Stumbling steps brought her out of bed and into the hallway as if the whisper could be left behind, escaped from like a monster under the bed. She settled on the hopes of a cool glass of water washing away some of the constriction in her throat and started for the kitchen. As she emerged from the hallway, her feet planted, knees rocking unsteady.

Loid was standing at the window of the terrace, the moonlight painting the exquisite lines of his face as he stared into the night. He'd loosened his tie and pulled up his sleeves, but otherwise had remained unchanged from the party as if still trapped in that moment.

He's upset. Her heart lurched, making her feet follow suit and trespass closer. Graceful steps whispered across the hardwood until they reached the small square of carpet at the armchair.

He jumped, head swiveling as his eyes widened. "Yor? What are you doing awake?"

"Um��" She scooped up her elbows to hug herself around the middle. "Just getting some water."

The soft smile that she would normally enjoy slowly graced his fine lips. "Don't let me keep you. You need your rest." As swiftly as he'd turned, he was back, now only showing the clean lines of hair along his neck.

I can't. Yor's nails pressed crescents into her skin. "Loid?" His name quaked off her tongue but still earned her his gentle gaze again. "I-is something the matter?"

If she had blinked she would have missed the ever so slight shift in his eyebrows or the quick dip in his smile, but she was all too aware of every inch of him. "Why would it be?" While the tone dripped with Loid's usual nonchalant detachment, Yor couldn't shake the surety of the shadow that spread across his features.

She swallowed, mouth dry and heart thundering, but forced the words anyway: "I know what you heard."

Finally, truth came in the set of his jaw and the drop of all pretenses of a smile. "Don't concern yourself with my feelings on that. I'm only bothered that you had to hear it."

"But I'd like to…"

His eyebrows started to rise.

Yor hugged a little tighter, wishing the pleasant pressure of her own arms would bring her comfort. "I'd like to know how you feel."

His fist clenched at his side, relaxed, and then seized again. It was a heart beating in time, working away towards some end that left Yor breathless.

“Loid?” she barely managed through a trembling exhale.

His profile shone again, a moonlight halo as he glanced back at the window. “Yor…” His eyes narrowed at the night, worried lines interrupting the smooth eyebrows. “Have a drink with me?”

--

Loid stared at the deep crimson in the glass, listening to Yor’s breath and the soft clink of her nail against the stem. What was your plan? His throat constricted, his swallow clicking dryly. Your priority is the mission. What you’re thinking– what you’re having the nerve to contemplate puts everything in danger. He raised a hand, letting it settle over his mouth to keep the next volatile thought from exploding over his lips instead. Feeling– the way I feel– what I’ve avoided about her for what seems like the entirety of this ruse. A drive beyond Strix.

“I know what they said must seem cruel…” The softness of Yor’s voice betrayed her trepidation, but it seemed that no matter her fear, she always still found the words to encompass it– something Loid so desperately envied. “But I can see the logic in it. We… Our arrangement…”

A painful breath shook between his fingers before he dropped his palm to his knee. “Our arrangement is fine the way it is. Asking you to shoulder something like that for the sake of appearances would be–”

“I know”—Yor crushed the flimsy words before they could even finish—”that I have struggled to be the best wife and mother, but–”

“There is no one more qualified for either than you, Yor.” That terrifying bit of truth somehow birthed from the deep recesses of his mind, taking Loid by surprise. He floundered, that steady heart of his momentarily trembling offbeat as he risked a glance at her.

The soft blush on her cheeks, the quiver of her lip– these were things he’d produced in women a million times. Manipulation was easy with honeyed words. It was simple to claim that statement as another fabrication meant to solidify the sham, but that line was no longer black. The utterly harrowing realization was all too apparent in the moonlight: This is grey. So grey and muddled that thinking about her, looking at her is making it impossible to hold on.

In all the fluttering of his thoughts, Yor collected her own. “And I’m thankful that it’s you who I have as a, well, a partner.”

Don’t– But no matter the plea, his heart still sang with it. Grappling with that pleasure consumed him, making silence his only answer.

“So I’d never want to make trouble for you.” Her murmur was sweet, soft, and another rush of pink took over her cheeks.

“It’s no trouble, Yor.” The usual cool tempo of his tone strained as he reached for her. Don't, his mind screamed again but all muscles refused to listen. Again, he was no stranger to touching a woman, to running fingers through her hair or caressing down her arm in promises of seduction, but all had been perfunctory. These had not been impulses but categorical steps with dictated goals in mind. This though—the way his fingertips just brushed a tendril of hair along her shoulder—was anything but. This is me being weak– being stupid– being–

“Loid?” Her eyes darted from the connection to his face to her nervous fingers along the stem.

Weak– stupid– “Yor, can I kiss you?”

Ruby eyes became so wide that he could fall into them, those beautiful pink lips parting to tremble. “K-kiss?” She turned to her wine glass again, threatening to bring it up to interrupt any more stuttering.

His fingers caught the base, keeping her from tilting it to her lips. “If I tell you it’s just me asking, then do you really need to do that?”

Her mouth worked over the words silently, eyes darting over the liquid that rippled as Loid’s hand shook. “Y-you want to kiss me?”

Whatever horrific consequences the answer would produce were at least momentarily pushed from his mind. “Yes.” The glass pressed against his hand, moving it out of the way to leave before the drink rested on the coffee table.

After relinquishing it, Yor’s hands fell to her lap. “And it’s– you said ‘just you asking’–”

“This–” He so desperately wanted to reach for her again, but there was still a poisonous fear starting to seep into his veins. I can need her all I want, but if she doesn’t– Loid bit back that possibility as his hand hovered between them. “I haven’t been thinking in terms of our deal for some time now.” In all the time he’d known her, Yor’s face had never been so guarded, unreadable. He had always prided himself on the ability to pick any person apart and usually Yor’s features came just as easily as any other. In that moment—in those utterly terrifying ticking seconds—she was a complete mystery to him.

Her head slowly swiveled, chin tilting slightly as she regarded him with such scrutiny that she was most certainly paying him back tenfold. Silence continued, broken only by the slight strain of the fabric between her fingers as her fists clenched around her dress. "Close your eyes."

"What?" Loid could only do the opposite, staring to take in every inch of her face. Still, there was no discernable message in her features.

"Close your eyes. Please."

Vulnerability was rarely his forte, so accepting her orders came as easily as pulling his own teeth. All the same, he blindly followed her command.

--

As soon as those sparkling blue eyes closed, Yor let her palms cup her cheeks, trying to control the steady burn. It's not about the arrangement! But that means– As her head shook away the reality of that, her hands dropped. It was almost impossible, but she turned her head, gazing at a man that she had never tried to harbor hope for. Except there he was, eyes diligently closed, hands out still frozen in their reach for her. Has he really been waiting?

She extended her arms until her palms pressed to his, fingers lacing together easily. His eyelids twitched but did not open, holding tight to his promise. 

Even with the warm connection that sang sweetly to her heart, her mind bucked. He doesn't know– doesn't realize how different I am. How wrong, so if I–

"Yor?" It wasn't impatience but that dearest warble of concern.

But I want to! The desperate, selfish cry rang up from her bones. It's not about convenience anymore. That's not what keeps me with him and Anya. It's so much more. And he makes it sound like– almost like he could feel the same. Her hands were trembling in his until the delicate swipe of his thumb along her skin started to allow something close to hope to sink in. “Keep”—she pulled in a shaky breath—”keep them closed.”

“Alright,” he murmured.

Yor leaned forward, using his hands as leverage to keep her from pitching forward. He steadied her, letting her shift whatever way she pleased as she inched closer. Loid remained still except for his breath that parted his quaking lips. It was an entirely novel sensation as the warmth of his exhale lit across her own lips as she stopped almost nose to nose. 

Even with his eyes shut, there was no mistaking her closeness and Loid tilted his head, noses now nuzzled ever so slightly. What guide did she have? Her normal was drenched in blood, not drifting through the soft ecstasy of closeness. Saying this was new didn’t encompass the pure bliss of simply sharing his space. While her mind screamed hesitation, her body moved regardless to meet him.

Loid’s fingers squeezed on contact, but the pressure didn’t steal her attention from this unfamiliar euphoria. This can’t be real. His lips lingered on hers. I never left my bed. Another pulse of his palm against hers. I’m dreaming– or is this a nightmare because waking up to life without this–

Separation was anything but sweet, but the beautiful timbre of his voice brought back some of the warmth. “Can I open my eyes?”

No, she wanted to plead. If you do, it’s over, isn’t it? She clutched his hands and nodded.

“Will you open yours?”

Yor shook her head.

“Please.”

All she wanted was to shake her head again, to just live in the moment that had passed and never leave it. Yor forced a breath and tried to pull back her hands but found them stuck, still clasped tightly by his. Her eyes fluttered open only to stretch to their widest.

Loid was flushed—almost feverish—with eyes shining as if on the verge of tears. “Thank you.”

“Loid, I–” He answered her hesitation with a hand hovering by her cheek that after she didn’t pull away made soft contact. “I–"

His thumb rolled over her lip, silencing the stuttering. "I don't know if I can give you more than this, Yor," he murmured as he gently stroked the line of her lips. "But will you accept me if I try?"

That would always be their conundrum; living lives that offered no surety and forever falling away from normal. Nothing would ever be guaranteed, but looking in his eyes, knowing his touch, left Yor only able to nod.

They would both have to try.

[theharrowing]

"writing some of the darker themes is always going to evoke some negative feelings and invite controversy, but for those of us who find it cathartic, i think it can be very warm and healing."

wow lol what a playful way to say you like to write about rape, murder and abuse. please seek therapy.

friends, sorry i can’t post content warnings before messages, but you can see what this one deals with. my response doesn’t have such blatant language, but feel free to skip this post if it makes you uncomfortable. 

hello, darling anon! thank you for taking the time to write such a concise, thoughtful message! it always brightens my day to hear from strangers online who clearly have no experience with my actual body of work, nor knowledge of who i am as a person, and who hide behind anonymity and self-righteousness.

funny you should assume that i have not sought therapy, but you may be surprised to find that those from whom i have turned to for counsel have told me the very opposite, and have had some pretty interesting, deep conversations with me about catharsis and nuance.

writing and reading about darker topics is cathartic to some, whether you like it or not. it's fine if you disagree, but you can literally just scroll on without complaining. it's actually free of cost to curate your space in a way that feels safe for you and only engage in content that you feel safe engaging with.

i am reminded of a really thoughtful twitter thread on this topic, and i will post some individual tweets from that thread here, with links to each tweet, starting with this graphic:

(image link)

You do not "own" trauma. Some random stranger is NOT "romanticizing (your) trauma" when they write about or draw fictional characters in a traumatic situation. In many cases, the person is writing about THEIR OWN trauma using fictional characters. It has nothing to do with you. (link)

You're gonna see triggering things online. That's how the internet works. It's like Russian Roulette. Even if you utilize mute and block features, sometimes things still slip through the cracks and you see triggering stuff anyway. It's a risk that comes with using the internet. (link)

So the fact that people are complaining about fanart and fanfic - THINGS THAT ARE USUALLY TAGGED - is infuriating to me. You see that the fanfic has triggering tropes in the tag? Don't read it. You see an art tag that upsets you? Mute the tag so you won't see it on your tl. (link)

The internet is not a true "safe space." There's no way to 100% safety proof the internet to your specific comforts. I'm not saying this to be cruel. I'm just being realistic and practical. You can't blame others because your personal trauma was triggered by a random thing online (link)

If you see triggering content online on accident, that sucks and I'm so sorry that you experienced that. But it is not anyone's fault. People are allowed to post (nearly) anything they want online (especially in fandom spaces when fictional characters are involved)- (link)

It's not your fault either, especially when you take precautions like using muted terms. It's just an accident and the nature of the internet. And getting angry and upset at random strangers isn't going to help anything. (link)

You're allowed to feel discomfort ofc. But this misplaced... entitlement? Anger at others for posting fictional content? That isn't it. That's not the way to deal with that. (link)

It's a waste of energy, first of all. Good luck trying to get people to stop posting things that upset you. It's a lost cause. No matter how much I dislike (certain tropes), this is the World Wide Web that billions of people have access to and people will post that thing anyway- (link)

So it's better to just - as best as you can - let it roll of your shoulders. It is literally impossible to stop people from posting the thing (especially in fandom) so instead, switch your energy to seeking out things that you know appeal to you and bring you good feelings. (link)

You see something triggering? You close the window, take a moment to yourself, start fresh and find something that is more appealing or healing to you. Feeling discomfort or being upset is fine. Trying to go on some crusade to stop it? It's just not practical, I'm sorry. (link)

Being angry about others posting certain fictional content is like being disgusted by seafood and going to a restaurant and getting angry and upset because the diner the table next to you ordered fish. You are at a place that can and does serve fish. (link)

It's not practical to get upset at them about it. You can be annoyed or irritated that now you had to smell fish during your dinner. But you can't be angry at the restaurant or the servers or the other person for doing what they are allowed to do in that space. (link)

Also - you can complain about it, I guess! My issue is y'all need to stop demonizing people who are into darker FICTIONAL themes and who tag their content. You can dislike their crap yeah but stop acting like they're literally Satan and stop blaming them and fiction for abuse. (link)

...i think that sums up, pretty well, my thoughts on the matter. and, again, if you disagree, that is perfectly within your rights. but accusing folks of romanticizing something awful (which is what your message felt like) is...silly. grow up. hide tags, mute words, block me! it's really so easy.

thanks for the message, sweetie! have a great night!

[darknightingale1]

I am so furious right now at the address given to the byu faculty and staff by Elder Holland, so I'm going to go off about it. It was a disgusting talk, and I don't see how anyone can ignore the hate coming from him during it.

He starts with going on about how important byu is to him, which I'm going to ignore most of that since it's trivial and not what made me furious. It's not until he starts mentioning "same-sex attraction" that things go downhill.

Also right before this talk, the president of the university talks about a program that is meant to end bigotry on campus towards everyone. Holland's rebutal is basically "No bigotry is part of this campus."

"We hope it isn’t a surprise to you that your trustees are not deaf or blind to the feelings that swirl around marriage and the whole same-sex topic on campus."---- No, not a surprise. It was huge news when the honour code accidentally left out gay relationships, and people were going around being gay on campus. Of course you didn't miss that, but then you immediately doubled down on your bigotry instead of working towards some sort of compromise.

"I and many of my brethren have spent more time and shed more tears on this subject than we could ever adequately convey to you this morning, or any morning. We have spent hours discussing what the doctrine of the church can and cannot provide the individuals and families struggling over this difficult issue. So, it is with scar tissue of our own that we are trying to avoid — and hope all will try to avoid — language, symbols, and situations that are more divisive than unifying at the very time we want to show love for all of God’s children."---- Sorry for the long quote, but the whole thing is utter infuriating bs. You're shed tears? You've shed tears while sitting on your mountain of gold, and while you blatantly attacked people who are different just to keep your stupid fucking power. You have the power to change all of this, and save everyone, but you won't. Do you have any idea how many tears I've shed while at your university (Idaho) because I didn't feel I was good enough for your stupid church. I tore myself apart that third year of university, and I hadn't even figured out I was bi yet because of this church. I don't care for your tears or your supposed scars. I survived, other people didn't. Other people are dead because of you so I truly do not give a fuck about your feelings. And whatever scars you got are your own damn fault.

"If a student commandeers a graduation podium intended to represent everyone getting diplomas in order to announce his personal sexual orientation..."---- Matt Easton was Valedictorian you absolute idiot. The speech was for him and approved by byu. I suppose he's telling them they did bad there, but the entire point of his speech was that it was hard, but he made it through. It was inspiring. Matt Easton actually made a great rebuttal on twitter.

"In that spirit, let me go no farther before declaring unequivocally my love and that of my brethren for those who live with this same-sex challenge and so much complexity that goes with it. Too often the world has been unkind, in many instances crushingly cruel, to these our brothers and sisters."---- Your love? Oh fuck off. You don't feel a shred of love for us. You don't know the definition of love. Your definition of love is control and conditional. You don't love any of us and would happily see us all disappear. Also "Same-sex challenge" is the stupidest phrasing ever, and I'd only like to say it's only a challenge cause I'm bad at finding myself a girlfriend.

"For example, we have to be careful that love and empathy do not get interpreted as condoning and advocacy, or that orthodoxy and loyalty to principle not be interpreted as unkindness or disloyalty to people."---- What love and empathy? You still misunderstand the definition of these words. Your love and empathy only extend so far as we can help you make more money and get more power. You only say things like this so people will think you're still a good person while you tell them to turn on their friends and hurt them for existing. If you're loyal to a principle that says I shouldn't exist or that it's better that I be dead, then you are unkind and disloyal to me. You can't have both.

"As near as I can tell, Christ never once withheld his love from anyone, but he also never once said to anyone, “Because I love you, you are exempt from keeping my commandments.”"---- You absolute idiot! You're twisting his words to fit your agenda. Christ never said he would only love you if you kept his commandments. He said if you love me, keep my commandments. You aren't showing an ounce of love towards anyone. Christ showed it to absolutely everyone, and especially those who were sinners. You know who he showed no kindness and love to? Rich people, like you. He literally said a rich man can't get into heaven. He literally whipped people for selling stuff in the temple. That's you. That's literally you.

"Musket fire? Yes, we will always need defenders of the faith, but “friendly fire” is a tragedy — and from time to time the church, its leaders and some of our colleagues within the university community have taken such fire on this campus."---- It's no longer friendly fire if you realize you're on the wrong team. And how dare you use a metaphor where you're the ones being hurt and persecuted. Always back to the persecution complex. You've killed people, you don't get to be the victim here.

He also at the beginning mentioned professors radicalizing students. Look, I had professors teach things a bit off the books that radicalized me, but what radicalized me more than anything was being squeezed and squeezed while having the entire church laid to bare. It was having a family religion professor yell at me for stating a fact, it was religion professors thinking they're better than everyone else on campus. It was the fucking family class that told me over and over how evil LGBT+ people were, and while I didn't realize it at the time, how evil I was for existing. Some professors taught what they were supposed to, but they aren't the sole reason for me losing my faith so destructively. Your school hurt me deeply, and this talk makes it so much worse. They don't care. They just want to cause more pain and suffering.

If you're a member and for some reason read this, think about what he said, think about how much that might hurt to read. Your prophets are fakers that have been corrupted by power and money. They shed crocodile tears to make you feel bad for them while they're covered in blood of innocent people. Really think about that.

I hope Elder Holland rots in Hell.

[vizowrites]

“We” vs “Me”| or “Why BlitzStrike Works So Well For Me But Stolitz [as of episode 6].....Doesn’t”

Alright my Loves, so I said that I was going to talk in further detail about my feelings regarding Stolas and the multi-layered portrayal of his relationship with Blitz in the new episode, and today’s the day where that happens!!  First of all, though, before I really get into my feelings about things, I want to just make it ABUNDANTLY clear that I’m not trying to sway anyone from one side to the other, or trying to shame anyone for shipping two fictional characters.  I’m fully in the boat that you are completely entitled to ship whoever you want, but I also think it’s wise to at least be able to recognize the faults and flaws in a pairing--and especially to be able to recognize them in the context of an IRL relationship.  In this analysis in particular, I’m specifically focusing on these two relationships within the realm of the Helluva Boss universe [......Hell] and within the specific context of their characters as they’ve been portrayed in the show thus far.  And, my biggest disclaimer of all: I’m doing this for no other reason than I felt like putting my jumbled thoughts together into a cohesive post so that they don’t have to stay bouncing and buzzing around in my head.  Please keep that in mind that this is just pure personal opinion and interpretation before anyone comes at me with torches and pitchforks.  <3 <3 

SO WITH THAT LONG ASS DISCLAIMER OUT OF THE WAY 

Let’s finally get to the good stuff.  And the not so good stuff.  :D

So I don’t think it’s a surprise to anyone who follows me here that I’m a huge BlitzStrike fan.  What I think fewer people know is that when I first entered the fandom a few months ago, I actually was on board the Stolitz train like so many others that I’ve met here in the fandom.  Naturally Stolitz was the first major pairing I was introduced to, and I did find both the characters of Blitz and Stolas incredibly interesting and compelling in their own rights AND saw the potential in how they could really come to grow into one hell of a relationshp over time.  I was honestly really excited to see it happen, too.  

And then I watched Episode 5 [still my favorite episode, btw] for the first time and had this sudden question hit me like a truck that even now is still relentlessly burning in the back of my mind because I still haven’t found a legitimate answer for it: Why in the FUCK wasn’t Blitz falling head-over-heels in attraction to Striker throughout this fucking episode??

And I don’t mean that in a “They’re so hot and I ship them now why didn’t they get together?? DX DX” kind of way--I mean that in the genuinely perplexed “I don’t understand based on what has been presented to me thus far about Blitz as a character and the storyline overall why he’s reacting so nonchalantly to this whole thing”.  To Note: This is me wondering this from the context of what’s in the show itself, not from any extra fan materials like the Instas or Twitter or just straight up knowing that the most likely answer is that there are people on the creative team that ship Stolitz really hard and realistically wouldn’t have probably written Blitz as being attracted to Striker because that would just be--to quote Jack Sparrow--blowing holes in their own ship.  No, this is me disregarding ALL of that and trying to rationalize this with myself from the perspective of a fan whose entire knowledge of the show and its characters comes exclusively from what’s in the episodes themselves.  .....And that’s where I just can’t find my answer, except for the Stolitz positive “He’s not attracted to Striker because he’s in love with Stolas” answer.  Which really doesn’t even feel like a satisfying answer, because the entire vibe I’ve gotten from Stolitz in the show has just felt.....strangely.....off.  Like, the framework is there and the elements are there, but I’d felt as though they had so far to go still that it would be entire SEASONS before they got there.    

And THEN the new episode [Episode 6] came out and I’d heard a handful of fans going crazy because the show was finally addressing Stolitz in full, and I thought to myself, “Well, maybe if the show really is going to go with saying that the reason Blitz wasn’t interested in Striker is because he’s in love with Stolas.....sure.  I’m curious to see how they finally establish it in an episode, especially since there’s only two more episodes left in the entire first season.”  And then I watched the episode.  And then it hit me why Stolitz just does not do a damn thing for me but BlitzStrike does despite the fact that we’ve had 4/6 episodes [5/7 if you count the Pilot] of Stolitz but only 1/6 [1/7] of potential--not even canonical--BlitzStrike:

When Striker talks about Blitz, or interacts with Blitz, he always talks about them as a “we”.  As a team.  A partnership.  OR he just straight up puts the entire focus on Blitz and his accomplishments and keeps himself out of it entirely.

When Stolas talks about Blitz, he always talks about them within the context of “me”--of himself--of what Blitz does or should do for him.  Even here in episode 6, in the most “selfless” instance we’ve seen yet, where he does ask about Blitz’s safety first BEFORE going right back into how Blitz’s actions affect him and what Blitz should be doing in response for him.  Stolas’s focus is always automatically set to himself--and even when it comes to the people he supposedly loves the most.  

To explain what I mean here, let me give some examples directly from the show itself, starting with the Stolas side of things: 

Episode 1

Blitz, in the middle of trying to hide so much that he actually clamps both of his hands over his mouth just to muffle the sound of his own breathing, knowing damn well that this psychotic bitch who already shot him once won’t hesitate to do it again if she finds him.....gets a call from Stolas.  Stolas, who we clearly see from his leisurely hang out time in his bubble bath, is literally watching this happen and is fully aware that calling Blitz right then was potentially putting him in danger. But what does he say when he gets Blitz on the phone?  He offers--not help--but Blitz the use of his book in exchange for monthly sex.  Stolas literally uses Blitz’s peril as leverage here--consciously or not, though given the fact that he knows the situation at hand, I’d find it very hard to argue that he didn’t do this on purpose--just to get him to agree to be his bootycall until further notice.  

Stolas not only doesn’t lift a finger to help Blitz once in all of this--even at the moment where he and Millie are about to be shot in the face--but instead continues to stay on the phone talking about all of the things he wants for their upcoming future rendezvous.  He already got exactly what he wanted out of this and he still just continues to go for more for himself.

Episode 2

.....There are honestly so many fucked up things that happen here as far as Stolas and his relationship with Blitz goes but honestly the thing I want to draw the MOST attention to is actually Stolas’s storyline with his daughter, Octavia.  I know it’s a little left field, but bear with me--this is actually something I want to use as comparison for Stolas’s relationship to Blitz as we go along:

When Stolas first decides that he’s going to take his daughter to Loo Loo Land, he does so while completey setting aside the fact that she doesn’t want to go.  He just offers her assurances that it’s going to be so much fun because he remembers that she loved it so much when she was a little girl--effectively putting his memory above her wishes even as she’s sitting right there and telling him that she doesn’t enjoy the idea of going now.  

Stolas doesn’t actually notice just how uncomfortable he’s making Octavia throuhought their entire trip by spending his time sexually harassing paying more attention to Blitz than he is trying to cheer her up.  This tells me that Stolas--though I do believe he genuinely wanted to do something to make her happy--still wasn’t able to completely overcome his own self-centered tendencies at first even when it’s for her.  And this is the person that Stolas loves more than anyone or anything else in the entire world. It still wasn’t enough.

It’s only when Octavia runs off and completely breaks down that Stolas finally gets the much needed slap-to-the-face of reality to understand just what he’s putting his daughter through--and, for the first time in the entire show, he actually puts someone else’s needs and well being above himself.  It’s the one solid honest display of love that we see from Stolas in the entire show--and it’s how we as the audience come to learn that that’s how Stolas shows that he loves someone: When he puts their needs above his own with no strings attached or expectations of something in return.  A true selfless act just because he loves them.  **Keep in mind the parallel of Stolas carrying Octavia out of Loo Loo Land at the end, and how it compares to Stolas carrying Blitz out of D.H.O.R.K.S headquarters.

Episode 5

The. Fucking. Cigarette.  I had no idea that something so small and quick would be able to infuriate me as much as it did, but the fact that Blitz used the post sex cigarette to free Stolas from his wrist bondage but then Stolas turned around and put the cigarette out on Blitz’s horn which is literally a part of Blitz’s body just.....honestly it sums up exactly what I’m trying to get across in this entire huge ass post: Stolas only ever thinks of himself first and anything pertaining to anyone else just doesn’t cross his mind at all unless you blatantly put it there in front of his face.  And the fact that he’s still at this point with Blitz all the way here in Episode 5 is not.....promising for their relationship.

The fact that Stolas literally cannot stop himself from calling Blitz “Blitzy” or talking to him in such a condescending way no matter how frustrated Blitz gets and how many times he asks him to stop.  I just--how is that supposed to be interpreted as someone talking to a person that they love?  There’s no respect or dignity given to Blitz at all on Stolas’s part, and the fact that it seems to be presented as a “Oh teehee it’s just their cute couple thing” is just.....I really, really don’t like that.  It also doesn’t match with the Stolas in the very next episode which I quite frankly think is because the creators have been listening to the feedback from fans and were like “We need to SHOW THEM that Stolas actually does speak to Blitz respectfully!!” but that’s just my personal opinion there and, also, it still didn’t happen.  

Episode 6 

Keeping in mind that THIS is finally the episode where we see Stolas actually save Blitz from danger and demonstrate even the slightest inclination towards his well-being.....I think that honestly makes the next few things here even more fucked up

First and foremost: “WE”.  The second after Stolas asks if Blitz is alright and gets the assurance that he is, he roughly grabs his cheek and points out that “If you get in trouble, I get in trouble!  WE don’t want that”.  The fact that this is the first time that Stolas ever talks about Blitz in the context of “we”--when really what he’s really saying is that him [Stolas] getting in trouble is going to be a bad thing for all of them--is just.....so, so disappointing.  At least with this I could hope that perhaps the idea here is that Stolas is genuinely afraid that if he gets in trouble, he won’t be able to protect Blitz from the undoubtedly much worse trouble that he would be in as an imp, but still.  The fact that Stolas immediately reverts back to his self-centered perspective so quickly after supposedly being so worried about Blitz’s wellbeing, really makes it seem as though it’s just his own ass that he’s trying to protect.  And that.....isn’t  exactly what I’d been expecting from “the episode that confirms Stolitz is canon” feedback I’d been hearing.

"Am I going to get ANY thank you for the rescue Bltizy?”  This for me was kind of what actually lead to me having this whole epiphany over Stolas’s selfish perspective in the first place.  I realized that even here--even when he’s just been the most “romantic” towards Blitz that he’s ever been in any previous episodes up until now [and yes this shift in his character was incredibly jarring for me because of that]--Stolas still goes right back to thinking about what he’s going to get out of this now that he knows Blitz is safe.  Let’s take this back to that thing I was saying about Episode 2 and comparing how Stolas rescued Octavia and how he rescues Blitz.  Obviously they’re going to be different because it’s Stolas’s daughter vs his hook up BUT just think about where the focus is for Stolas in both of these scenes.  With Octavia, Stolas is entirely focused on making things up to her--taking her to do something she wants to do--even if it’s something that he himself doesn’t fully understand or isn’t fully into.  That doesn’t matter though, because the entire point is that he’s doing something just for her.  It doesn’t have to be about him.  But now go back to the scene where Stolas is carrying Blitz out of the room.  What does he do?  Ask what Blitz is going to do for him.  That just takes the idea that this scene was a confirmation of their love and throws it right out the window.  Stolas--as we’ve been shown before--would never ask for something in return from someone that he actually loves.  

Now let’s take a look at the one and only episode we have of Striker and Blitz interacting together, with an honorary shout out at hallucination!Striker’s appearance in Episode 6: 

Episode 5: 

Striker knows Blitz’s name.....and he uses it.  He’s literally the ONLY other character that we’ve seen so far refer to Blitz as “Blitz” instead of “Blitzo” or “Blitzy” by someone who wasn’t a member of I.M.P..  Aka someone who wasn’t a member of Blitz’s family.  He shows Blitz respect at that basest level, and only builds on that from there going forward.

Striker first recognizes Blitz for being “the bold imp that started his own killin’ biz”.  Not his hotness, not his skills in the Harvest Moon games because at that point he hasn’t seen them yet.....but for his accomplishment in starting up his own successful business down in Hell.  He treats it as an accomplishment.  With the kind of respect that comes with acknowledging another person for their accomplishments.  Right there, within two seconds of meeting him, Striker demonstrates more respect for Blitz than Stolas has yet to do in the entire show.

The Harvest Moon Festival Games.  Now this is something I find fascinating to think about from Striker’s perspective in particular.  We as the audience are shown pretty early on that Striker has a strong desire to be the one who comes out on top.  He likes the idea of being superior and he openly relishes in the praise and attention he gets for being better than everybody else.  ....Except Blitz.  When they tie in the games, Striker doesn’t seem bothered with sharing the spotlight with him at all.  If anything, he--again--respects just how skilled Blitz is in rightfully earning his place beside him on the stage.  That, to me, is HUGE.  I’m not going to go so far as to say that Striker necessarily sees them as equals because I think that might be going a bit too far for his ego but he does still fully acknowledge that Blitz is in the same general class as him: that is to say, better than most.  Worthy of the same kind of acknowledgement and praise that Striker gets.  I literally can’t get over just how big of a thing that is for what we’ve been shown of Striker’s character, and I think it’s unfortunately something that’s incredibly easy to miss or gloss over. :(

And now--for what I personally think is the most significant thing of all--we have: “We”.  How many times does Striker suggest during that final scene between them that he really wants Blitz to join forces with him as equals?  He never demands that Blitz join up with him, he doesn’t threaten him into joining up with him--Striker barely even hurts Blitz at all during their fight scene compared to how he tried to straight up murder Moxxie--and, most of all, Striker continues to acknowledge that Blitz deserves better than his current arrangement with Stolas.  And he’s right.  But instead of putting it as “I’M right and this is why you should do this”, he always puts his focus on Blitz himself, or the two of them together as a partnership:  “You are so above sucking on a a digusting rich pompous Goetia” | “We could be the most dangerous beings in Hell, Blitz” | “You could partner up with me and klll the unkillable--starting with the one that treats you like a plaything”.  It’s just--I honestly can’t believe it’s taken me this long to put together why Striker appeals so much more to me as a romantic interest for Blitz, but really breaking it down episode by episode and comparing the differences in wording between Striker and Stolas’s dialogue when it comes to Blitz is just.....holy shit. 

Honorary ShoutOut of Episode 6: 

The fact that the only thing hallucination Striker has to say to him is “But you don’t want to do things alone Blitzo!” is really, really interesting to me in the fact that he’s.....not......wrong??  Like, To be fair, Striker, RoboFizz, and Verosika all spill their harsh truths, but the thing is.....Striker’s is markedly different in that his wording really isn’t harsh or aggressive at all the way the other two are.  He’s just kinda stating a fact in an overexaggerated way because tripping balls hallucination sequence.  It’s very interesting to me that that’s the worst that Blitz can imagine him to say--as well as the fact that halluci!Striker calls him “Blitzo”, which is really weird considering that Striker’s never called him “Blitzo” once in the entire show.  Makes me kinda wonder where that came from tbh. 

Alright so, in conclusion of this very long and rambly styie post: I want to take things back to where I started by reiterating that this is not me trying to convince anyone that BlitzStrike is “right” and Stolitz is “wrong”, or that you should stop shipping what you’re shipping in the fandom.  This was just me honestly getting way more excited than I should’ve been over having my “Eureka!” moment for realizing why this new episode didn’t put me back on the Stolitz train like it did for so many other people--and why, in fact, it actually made me think even more favorably of the idea of Blitz and Striker being together.  

Thanks for sticking around with me for this very long read, I hope you found it interesting, and I really really hope that it didn’t piss anyone off or rub too many people the wrong way.  Like I said at the beginning, ship who you want to ship!!  That’s part of the fun of being in a fandom.  I’m just hoping that this might help make it easier to understand at least one perspective on why Stolitz is seen as being so problematic as a ship [as of where they are right now].  

Here’s to seeing where things go from here!! 

[akitokihojo]

Monster - Chapter 16

chapter index

dedicated to @keichanz bc I made her a deal on twitter the other day.

------

Inuyasha wasn’t breathing. For all he knew, his heart wasn’t even beating.

Kagome.

The nails of her fingers were pinching into the tentacle with force even the hanyou could see. There were tears beginning to streak her face. She was scared. She was so scared. But, in her eyes, all he could see was how desperately she wanted to be with him. Right at his side, in his arms, protected behind him, it didn’t matter. She just wanted to be with him. Inuyasha’s ears pinned to his head in response, a horribly guilty feeling taking root not just in his core, but in his entire body.

Naraku’s wicked smile grew wider, bearing teeth as a rumble of laughter escaped his tongue.

How could he get to her? Inuyasha needed to move fast. He needed to act now. His sword was too far out of reach, and his claws had already failed him against the disgusting tendrils that held him captive. If he could get his hands on his sheath, it could act as a magnetic force and pull his sword back in. He’d done it before. The problem was, it was clutched within the tentacles wrapped around his hip.

He began to grow frantic. The appendage wasn’t budging, and the puppet’s laughter was only growing further taunting. Scrambling, Inuyasha tried reaching for Tessaiga, extending his hand as far as it would go, scraping his forearms on the rocky terrain as he tried crawling, pushing himself, prying himself free, anything. He wanted to scream at the goddamn sword to come to him. He was wearing the fucking sheath; why couldn’t it work this way? Kagome was in trouble. He needed to save her. He didn’t have time to weasel the sheath out; the sword should obey his command. Inuyasha wasn’t opposed to begging, and if his throat hadn’t had a thick, bulbous lump form in the center of it, he would be openly pleading for Tessaiga to come to him.

“Inuyasha.” Her voice was small, frightened, and if his ears could sink back any further, they would have instantly. That tone from her, that fragile, broken tone was worse than when she yelled. It was like she wanted to say something more, but she couldn’t. The rest of it all was caught behind her trembling frown and large eyes.

He could see it on her face. He could tell what she wanted to say, and he didn’t want to hear it. Not like this. Not here. Not now. If it was only under duress, then not ever. She would only say those words under these circumstances because she’d be giving up. Inuyasha couldn’t handle that form of heartbreak. Not from her, and he surely wouldn’t survive it, himself. No. He could still save her.

The hanyou halted immediately as he heard her gasp, golden eyes flying back to her to find that Naraku had jerked her toward him. Their faces were an inch apart, her tears were gliding down to the tip of her nose with how he held her, and the sick bastard caressed her cheek with the back of his hand.

“Scream for me.”

Inuyasha flashed cold. The monster threw Kagome so violently, and her blood-curdling scream rang in his ears. Everything in him stopped. He was struck frozen. The vital pieces of him shattered instantaneously, and the fragments of who he was pierced his lungs, his heart, his stomach, his arteries.

“No.” He whispered pleadingly.

“No.” He said a little louder, his lungs beginning to pump as warmth gradually returned to him. Kagome wasn’t dead. He could still fucking save her. Fuck this puppet, fuck Naraku. He could still save Kagome.

With a seething rage that quickly boiled over, engulfing him, sending every little bit of his instincts into hyperdrive, Inuyasha reached for his sword again, but suddenly feeling a rush of turbulent, demonic energy soaring their way, he hastily stopped and ducked down. He felt the tight grip Naraku’s tentacle had on him slacken, and without a second thought, Inuyasha shoved the fucking thing off, scampering forward to snag the hilt of Tessaiga and jump to his feet.

“Fuck!” Sesshomaru growled, his knuckles white with how tightly he gripped his own sword. His presentation with it was strong, stoic, and his light, amber eyes glowed with the hint of venomous red.

Inuyasha didn’t have a second to waste to question anything. The puppet’s flesh was mending from Sesshomaru’s attack, and while its attention was on his half brother, the hanyou needed to go.

He raced to the edge, but a sharp smack on his abdomen had Inuyasha flying backwards. Quick enough this time, he stayed on his feet, stumbling where he’d landed, but swift in throwing himself right back into his objective. He dodged the root that had just assaulted him but was caught by another, bringing a lethal growl from his clenched teeth.

“You’re not going anywhere, half breed!” Naraku yelled, yet again throwing him back.

Inuyasha wasn’t going to bother wasting his breath on this puppet. He wasn’t going to entertain back-and-forth’s, or play the insult game, or even threaten the vile creature. What he was going to do was get to Kagome as fast as he fucking could.

The hanyou raised Tessaiga over his head, blisteringly hot as he felt the demonic energy power through his sword, and he swung so hard that the sharp edge of the metal sliced into the ground beneath his feet. His attack damaged the earth as it surged in Naraku’s direction, and just as the assault ripped at his flesh, Inuyasha took the open opportunity to try and sprint by.

It was infuriating how his attempt was, yet again, thwarted. How was the thing so goddamn fast when it was damaged?

“Inuyasha, stop!” Sesshomaru demanded. “Fight!”

“Don’t worry, half breed. You’ll join your wench in hell soon.”

“Fuck you!” Inuyasha roared, swiping his sword at the tentacle that threatened him and chopping it clean off. “Sesshomaru, take this! I have to rescue Kagome!”

“You have to stay!” His brother returned, readying his sword for another attack. “You have to fight!”

“I can’t!”

“You fucking coward!” Sesshomaru shouted, a vein bulging in the center of his forehead. “Fight Naraku!”

“It’s just a puppet! It’s not him! You’re not going to find your precious child with this creep; it’s a decoy! His heart is in his abdomen! Finish him off! I don’t have fucking time for this!”

“Inuyasha!”

“Sesshomaru, if your daughter was the one thrown over the cliff, you wouldn’t fucking hesitate to jump after her! So, why the fuck are you stopping me!? I know you saw Kagome go over! I won’t tell you this again! If you stop me, if Kagome is dead because I couldn’t save her in time, I’m going to kill you, too!” The glower, the radiance in the hanyou’s eyes was positively murderous. He meant what he’d said. Anyone who got in his way from this point further was in the crossfire, and he would swing his sword without hesitation.

Nevertheless, Sesshomaru tried to convey his message silently. He wasn’t sure if his younger brother would receive it; he was daft, and when his vision was clouded by urgent matters, he was unreceptive toward hints. Still, giving it effort Inuyasha was unworthy of, Sesshomaru furrowed his brows a little deeper, his stare unwavering, his hardened jaw unrelenting as he ordered the half breed to trust him. And, to his surprise, it seemed Inuyasha understood. Though his shoulders remained squared, his glare relaxed an ounce, and with extreme reluctance, he turned his fearsome attention back in the direction it truly belonged.

The puppet, now completely regenerated again, began to laugh. “How adorable.” He disparaged. “The two dog demon brothers are going to work together to take down their foe.”

Kagome hit the water. Hard. The air was knocked from her lungs, and large bubbles escaped her mouth as she coughed forcefully. The hit and the current had her disoriented, and though she was trying to regain control over her body in a hasty manner, she couldn’t. No matter how hard she tried to kick, to move her arms, it was like she had no proper muscle control and was at the mercy of the unforgiving river.

Desperately, she needed to breathe. Kagome was trapped beneath the rolling water, tossed and turned, and pushed down every time she thought she might be right-side-up. Finally working in her favor, the current pulled her up and she was able to gasp deeply, choked, but she got in some oxygen before her head was thrown beneath the surface again.

How was she going to get out of this? How was she going to survive before asphyxiation stole what was left of her? Already, due to her fight against the waves crashing on her, Kagome felt her lungs begging for air. So easily, her muscles grew fatigued, but she pushed and pushed. Her legs never stopped kicking, though they pumped a little less powerfully. Her arms never stopped grabbing for the surface, though it always felt like it was too far.

Again, the current had some compassion and it brought her up for a short breath of air, pushed her under, then pulled her up again where she was able to swim the tiniest bit. The river was too wild, though. It was too strong. She barely stood a chance against it and Kagome worried that, at this rate, she wouldn’t survive long enough to find shallow land and pull herself ashore.

Something thick wrapped around her core, and she felt herself being pulled. Kagome’s back was pressed against a hard surface, and whatever held onto her had a grasp that refused to let go. She wasn’t fighting it. She couldn’t fight it. Truthfully, she was too dizzy to properly comprehend what, exactly, was happening. Her head was brought to the surface, and Kagome gasped loudly for air, hearing the same from whomever was immediately behind her.

They were shoved beneath the water again, but she could feel herself being guided, pulled, and in an attempt to aid, she pumped her legs as hard as she could. Thankfully, it wasn’t long until her head was thrusted up above the current by the very arms that held her tight.

“Grab onto this!” She was instructed, directed closer to a thick log that was wedged between boulders. “Don’t let go!”

“I can’t!” Kagome admitted, trying but slipping each time. Her muscles still didn’t want to work with her, and the texture of the bark was more slimy than rough, giving her no grip to cling to.

“No, I’ve got you Kagome! I promise!”

“I’m gonna slip!”

“You wont! I’m right here!” He swore. “Just grab on for two seconds!”

She did, latching on as tight as she could as she felt the body pin her to it. Water was flooding over, in their faces, and Kagome had had to turn her head to the side so she stood a chance at breathing.

“Listen closely! The moment we move, we’re gonna be pulled under again! I’m not going to let go of you! Just swim, okay? I’m going to get us to the bank as quickly as I can!”

Kagome nodded in acknowledgment.

“Take a deep breath! Now!”

With a gasp, Kagome released her grip on the log just as she felt his thick arms wrap around her waist again. She was yanked to the right by his force, and with everything she had, she pumped her legs. It was excruciatingly tiring so quickly, it pushed the air from her lungs, and she felt that pressure, that burning, that ache for more oxygen all too soon. She had to last. She had to trust them. Their hold was unrelenting, so she knew they were doing everything they could to help her.

She was brought to the surface, and Kagome coughed violently, finally feeling loose ground beneath her as she tried crawling through the deeper water to the more shallow edge. Those hands never left her, guiding her, pulling her completely out of the throws of dangers, away from the water where she stood on her hands and knees on the smooth surface of rock. The coughs and chokes racked her torso painfully, and a large hand rubbed her back, urging her to let it out as water spilled from her mouth.

“There you go. There you go, Kagome.” He reassured as more of the river forced its way from her lungs. “Atta girl.”

With her chest pumping, not quite done coughing, Kagome glanced up to see Koga beside her, and instantly, she felt a little safer to lean into his touch, allowing her muscles to give in just for a brief moment. The wolf demon gladly supported her, continuing to rub her back as he, too, breathed heavily.

“How did - how did you…?” Kagome sputtered as she sat up again, watching Koga crawl the short way over to the rocky wall and lean his back against it.

“I was trying to sneak up on the fucker. Saw you go over and abandoned it immediately. Jumped in after you.” He admitted, sweeping the soaked, rogue strands of hair that escaped his ponytail from his face.

For a second, she was grateful. She would have died without his help. But, then it was like the situation hit her ten fold, and a new panic began to build. “You should have - you should have helped Inuyasha. He’s -“

“Woah there.” Koga tried to calm her down as she unsteadily attempted to push herself to her feet, falling instantly. She was persistent in her failed attempts, though. Again, she tried to walk, and her muscles immediately gave out. And, then she tried to settle with crawling, but even then, she couldn’t even bring herself to crawl straight, falling off balance as soon as she got going. “Kagome, chill. Stop. He’s fine. He’ll be fine. Sesshomaru’s with him.”

Kagome met him with stricken eyes, a more pressing expression appearing on her face. As if that was further back up to her argument than anything, and the wolf demon couldn’t fight the chortle that escaped his lips.

“No, I promise you, Inuyasha will be fine! Relax!” He insisted, grabbing her waist to essentially pin her to her spot so she’d stop trying to scurry away. “I know it’s unsettling, but Sesshomaru’s after the puppet. Inuyasha dying would mean Naraku won, and Sesshomaru’s just that prideful to want to prevent that at all costs.”

She breathed some, trying to steady herself as she processed what Koga had said. All she could do was hope he was right. Kagome was trembling so bad, she could barely move her body correctly, so what help would she even be right now? She’d only get in the way. If Sesshomaru was there, it was still two against one. At least Inuyasha wasn’t fighting Naraku alone.

“How did you know it was a puppet?” She asked.

Koga presented the bruised cut in the midsts of the heeling process on his left cheek. “We were lucky enough to run into one yesterday. Because of that, we knew the scent. And, we’d caught onto yours and Inuyasha’s, so we ran over.”

“I never considered Sesshomaru the supportive type.” Kagome remarked.

“He’s not.” The wolf confirmed. “He just wants to make sure everything that belongs to Naraku is shredded to pieces. Who cares, though? It works in your guys’ favor.”

“So, you’re traveling with him now?”

“Despite his requests that I burn in hell and leave him alone, yeah. Don’t worry, he’s gotten used to me.” Koga chuckled, but his smile quickly faded as he realized Kagome was struggling with herself. He’d thought she was cold, but the way her fingers continued to shake wasn’t just a shiver. Of course. She’d almost just died. Her eyes were on the rock beneath her, her frown was subtle but present, her cheeks were pale, and as if he had a passage into her mind, he could tell she was worried. “Kagome?”

“We need to -“

“No.” He knew what she was going to say. She was so easy to read right now, and the tears brimming in her eyes basically confirmed his suspicions. “He’s fine. This is Inuyasha we’re talking about. The most stubborn bastard on the planet.”

“I need to help him.”

“He can handle this.”

“I need to help him.” Kagome repeated, more fervently that time.

“Kagome, do you trust him?”

The conjurer looked up at him, a warm tear gliding down her cold cheek. Of course, she trusted Inuyasha. She trusted him more than anybody. It wasn’t even a question she needed to consider, and in reply, she nodded her head.

“Then, have faith in his strength, as well. He needs it right now. You think he’d let anything happen to himself when, for all he knows, he needs to go find you? That fucker doesn’t know when to quit, believe me. He doesn’t know I was there, he doesn’t know I saved you. Inuyasha’s going to be just fine, I fucking swear it.” Koga said, never breaking the contact his bright blue eyes held on hers. Gently, he pushed some soaked hair away from her face, sweeping it behind her ear. His voice took on a softer note then, trying to get her to relax just a little. “I’ll get you back to him. I will. You’ll see. Lend me some of that trust for a little while, okay?”

He was right. No matter how difficult it was to swallow her pressing concerns, her anxiety, Kagome decidedly gave him the respect he deserved and accepted his kindness with a nod. After rescuing her, Koga had earned that much.

She had the saddest pout and the wolf demon didn’t know the first thing about helping her. Poor thing looked like she’d been through the wringer lately, and just barely surviving a near-death experience now topped it all off. Her silent tears meshed with the water she was still drenched in, and for the sake of her vulnerability, he resisted in crossing any boundaries that would potentially make her uncomfortable. No cheek stroking or tear cleaning, no unsolicited, tender gestures, no unwarranted touching.

“You want a hug?” He carefully offered. He was happy with how quickly she nodded, crying just a little harder as it all came crashing down on her. She just needed to ride the worst of her nerves out. It was the comedown from the rush of adrenaline; he knew that stress very well.

Koga scooted a couple inches closer to the conjurer, pulling the woman into his chest so she could slump against him as he rubbed her back. Patiently, he waited for her to calm down, and as she sat up straight and rubbed her eyes clean, Koga turned around onto his knees.

“Climb on.”

The sweat leaking into the gash on Inuyasha’s forehead was burning worse than when the blood got into his eye, the salt in his sweat creating a sizzling sensation. It inadvertently served as a grounding effect, keeping Inuyasha in the present as he stood not too far from his half brother, facing off with the faux Naraku. This shouldn’t be taking so goddamn long, but alternatively speaking, the tick of a second passing felt like minutes to Inuyasha. All it meant was Kagome was getting further and further away, her danger increasing.

Even though Sesshomaru had pinned him with his glare, communicating an urgent vexation that the hanyou begrudgingly felt was important to heed, they were still failing to work together. Inuyasha and his brother had different brands of fighting, and the both of them were domineering in their own way. It wasn’t like combat with Kagome, where they bounced off of one another and utilized each other’s strengths to advance. Not even close. All he and Sesshomaru were doing here was clashing. But, Inuyasha now knew that the only way it seemed they’d make a difference would be for one of them to swallow their pride and follow the other’s lead - and he knew damn well it’d have to be him to do so. Sesshomaru was too proud and egotistical to ever consider being led by another, no less him, but Inuyasha was to the point where he didn’t give a flying fuck anymore. He shouldn’t even be here right now, but since he was stuck, he needed this fight to come to an end.

“Got a plan?” Inuyasha asked.

“Kill it.” Sesshomaru bluntly stated.

“It’s regenerative properties are fast.”

“No, you’re just slow in following up your fucking moves. If there’s an opening, you take it. Your mind is on that girl. It needs to be here. In this fight.”

“I don’t much see you finishing that thing off! If you’re so goddamn fast, seal the deal, Sesshomaru!”

“It cannot be me! Don’t you get it? I’ve faced my puppet and sent my message off to Naraku! He knows I’m in the race! This is yours! If you want him to know where you stand against him, kill this thing, Inuyasha! Rip it apart! Tell him you will not stand for this with your actions! Or, are you actually as weak as your human heart makes you out to be?”

“What is this, a motivational speech?” Inuyasha ridiculed, leaping to the left to dodge a flailing tentacle from the freakish puppet.

“Goddammit, you worthless piece of shit, just kill it!” Sesshomaru fired, swinging his Bakusaiga down to throw an attack at Naraku. His arm disintegrated, part of his chest breaking off as well, but again, his idiotic half brother didn’t move quick enough.

“I don’t have fucking time for this!” Inuyasha yelled, his voice cracking with his fury.

“You’d better fucking make the time! Kagome is dead, Inuyasha! To run after her would be a waste! You have nothing better to do now than to fuck that thing up!”

“She’s not dead!”

“She is dead! There’s no fucking way she’d survive that fall! Do not delude yourself!”

“Sesshomaru, shut the fuck up!”

“Grow up, Inuyasha! Do not die the way father did! Do not die because of the love of a human who cannot even fight for herself!”

Irate, Inuyasha slashed his sword with so much force that the wind even caused Sesshomaru to stumble away. He was seeing red, the boiling of his blood effervescent, physically tingling just beneath his skin, and without thinking, the hanyou jumped for the puppet, shoved his claws through the regenerating flesh, and pulled out a wooden object. Tendon-like tissues clung to the “heart,” attempting to pull it back into his body, but Inuyasha refused to let go, holding firm despite the numerous blows Naraku supplied to his temple, his growl turning into a loud and deep roar as he tore the wood away once and for all.

Naraku’s body, the tentacles, the firm spider legs, the roots that made home all crumbled away with a maniacal shout of defeat that would have caused a chill to race down Inuyasha’s spine had he not been in such an infuriated state of mind. Even so, the heart hadn’t been destroyed. In Inuyasha’s hand, skin began to bubble, grow, sprout, engulfing his fist, but he didn’t blink. The hanyou had dropped Tessaiga to the floor and redirected his path toward Sesshomaru, his glower deep and fearsome.

“I don’t care about making you eat your words. I’m going to shove this down your throat so you choke.” Inuyasha threatened, grabbing the collar of his brother’s shirt. “Solve the problem at the root, right? Can’t talk shit if you’re dead.”

Unfazed and basically emotionless, having not moved from his spot, Sesshomaru reached for Inuyasha’s hand, currently covered completely by the building flesh. The only reason he could guess Naraku hadn’t come back fully yet was Inuyasha’s hold on the heart. There must have been damage slowing it down. Releasing a poison from the tips of his claws, Sesshomaru easily pierced the dough-like skin, penetrating the few inches necessary until he felt Inuyasha’s fist. Gliding his fingers upward, he then found the top half of the heart and snapped it. Instantly, the budding demon died away, a demonic essence evaporating free to disappear in thin air.

Before Sesshomaru could say anything degrading, Inuyasha dropped the crumbled wood and used that same hand to grab his brother’s throat, his claws piercing in at the sides. Swiftly, he stepped a leg behind Sesshomaru’s, shoving his weight back so he would lose balance and topple to the ground with Inuyasha’s direction, Bakusaiga slipping from his hand with a clank. The demon hissed, his growl unable to truly come out through the strangulation, but there was little effort in fighting Inuyasha off, he noticed. Despite that, the hanyou couldn’t free himself from his own clouded mind. He was livid, the storm in his chest violent and raging.

“I am so sick and tired of you belittling everything and everyone around you, you pompous fucking prick!” Inuyasha seethed, ignoring the thrusts of Sesshomaru’s palms against his shoulders.

“Enough!” His half brother spewed through choked breaths, but still did not apply as much force as he should have been.

“Father did not die because of my mother. He died for my mother. I’m sorry that that meant he was taken from you too, but I had as much control over the situation as you did. Do not think less of dad for that, and definitely do not think less of the person my mother was.” The hanyou stated gruffly, pressing his claws tighter against Sesshomaru’s throat. “Her being human didn’t mean a goddamn thing when it came down to the punch. My mother was fierce. My mother was a fighter in her own goddamn way. Come on, Sessy, think about it. You know dad. You think I got my fucking attitude from him?”

Finally, Sesshomaru gripped Inuyasha’s wrist, twisting it painfully to jerk the fucker’s fingers off of his neck so he could breathe. He threw a punch upward at his brother, but to his dismay, the half breed blocked the hit by grabbing his fist and pinning it aggressively to the rock beneath them.

“You’re being irrational! Calm down!” Sesshomaru demanded.

“I find it ironic that you want to mock any kind of love when, if I recall correctly, you’re in love with someone that isn’t even real.” Inuyasha snarled. “Kagura is a mutant created of our enemy’s flesh and sorcery, you goddamn hypocrite! Loving a human is disgusting to you, but what about loving an inorganic lump of clay!?”

“Do not speak of her like this!” Sesshomaru growled.

“Or, what!? Am I offending you!?” The hanyou ridiculed.

“Shut the fuck up, you -“

Inuyasha ripped his wrist free from his brother’s grasp, throwing a punch against his jaw to disorient him before going right back to strangling him. His fingers wrapped around his throat much tighter than before, and it seemed he legitimately held the uncontrollable intent to kill this time around.

“She’s fine, by the way.” Inuyasha said, his voice deadly and low as he leaned in closer to Sesshomaru’s face. “Kagome saw her. Kagome was covered in blood, sobbing, had just lost a fucking friend, and one of the first things she turned to me to say was that your girlfriend and daughter were safe. And, you want to look down on her for being human. That human is so much stronger than you.” His voice picked up as Sesshomaru began to struggle against him, trying to pry his hand from his throat as he dragged in a ragged breath of air. “Maybe not physically, but she’s got the strongest soul of anyone I’ve ever met. Being what she is, you know full and well that that’s more than enough to break you.

“You act as if dying for a human is revolting, but your child, what is she? You can’t fool me into thinking you wouldn’t gladly go in her stead, because I know, just like myself and our father, that you would be happy to die if that meant they got to live.”

“You aren’t thinking clearly. Your human heart - your emotions -“ Sesshomaru grunted through clenched words, forcing his brother’s hand away again. This time, he pinched his claws into Inuyasha’s palms, making it difficult to tear away from. “Goddammit, you imbecile, use your ears! Your nose!”

Inuyasha stopped fighting for a moment and froze. What the fuck was he talking about? The scent in the air was tainted with the ruined earth around them and the leftover stench of Naraku’s puppet. He smelled the river water like they were directly next to it, he smelled his brother, he smelled sweat, he smelled his blood. There was nothing he should be catching onto, and it only felt like Sesshomaru was attempting to distract him.

“Stop! Stop.” The demon ordered as Inuyasha turned to attack him again, gradually relaxing his grip on the hanyou. “Just wait a minute, you fucking idiot.”

The hanyou was confused, but he found genuine sincerity in his brother’s amber eyes. Something he’d never before seen and almost didn’t recognize. Within thirty seconds, he caught approaching footsteps. One person. Heavy boots. The scent of them was muted by water, which was why he couldn’t grasp their presence earlier. Inuyasha’s heart was pounding at a horrendous pace, the blood racing through his veins causing his hands and fingers to quake unsteadily, so he stabilized them by gripping Sesshomaru’s shirt to keep him pinned down in case anything went wrong. Who the fuck was coming their way? It was a demon; he knew that much. Was Sesshomaru warning him of this so they could both prepare for another assault?

Koga was surprised at the rate it took for Kagome to grow heavier against him. At first, she was apprehensive to mount his back, to allow him to carry her. She’d insisted she could walk on her own, but the both of them knew she was full of shit and her pride was getting the better of her. Reluctantly, she’d given in, but was stiff against him. He could tell she wanted to run up the mountain, to be rejoined with Inuyasha as soon as physically possible, but Koga needed to make sure the battle had enough time to finish up before he got her back. If Naraku’s puppet was still around, there was no doubt it would target her in her vulnerable state, and while she would be thoroughly protected, there was no harm in preventing the attack altogether. She’d been through enough for now.

For a moment, he could feel her trembling against him, her fingers clenching against his shoulder, but as his strides stayed smooth and unhurried, Kagome seemed to quickly slump along his frame. Before he knew it, her cheek was planted against his shoulder, her hands were gently holding him, her legs were swaying with his gait, and she finally trusted him with her momentary peace.

He could tell she wasn’t asleep, but at the same time, she was somewhere in a lethargic state. Kagome was neither present nor afar. She’d zoned in her meager relaxation, allowing her mind to briefly rest. Her quivering hadn’t quite fully faded; her fingers still twitched against him. She hadn’t completely stopped crying either, and the only way he could tell that, aside from the subtle twinge of salt coming from her, was the warm tears that leaked from her eyes and onto his shoulder, seeping through his vest. The rest of her was cold, wet, shivers that could barely be differentiated from her anxiety racking her body here and there. Koga hoped his heat was helping at least a little, but he knew the only thing that really would was getting her dry and wrapping her in something warm.

The wolf could hear yelling from a distance, and that, alone, was a dead giveaway that Kagome was too exhausted to currently comprehend anything outside of the context of her mind. Good. If she could hear what he could transpiring between the half brothers, she’d have a fucking aneurysm. He didn’t sense Naraku anymore. Barely even smelled the puppet. So, that meant the worst was over with and he could safely bring Kagome through.

It went dead silent as he approached, the crack of a twig beneath his boot sounding like it echoed in a closed chamber with how the attention was suddenly centered on him. Inuyasha was on top of Sesshomaru, his head bleeding, that blood seeping down his face, his hands in a vice grip against his brother’s shirt, but his eyes darting up to him.

“Sorry, we missed out on all the fun. Or - uh - did we make it just in time for the show?” Koga asked.

The rumble of his gruff voice from his back against her chest had Kagome’s attention slowly rising again. How long had it been since she’d dazed? She barely remembered the hike up, but now they’d stopped. Had he really spoken, or was she dreaming it? She couldn’t even tell if she’d fallen asleep or not. Her eyes blinked open to see they were no longer on a path, and it took a moment to really recognize the scenery around. Lifting her head, Kagome propped her chin against Koga’s shoulder to get a look at who he could be talking to and what was going on, blinking hazily until she saw him.

Inuyasha watched Koga amble into the scene, his hair damp, brown vest and dark pants deepened in shade from moisture that was far from drying completely. Beyond that was a person slouched over his back, and his heart did a flip in his chest. His breathing was already abnormal due to all the physical exertion and emotional stress, but as soon as he spotted the woman Koga carried, his lungs began to take on a different pattern. One of anticipation. One of hope.

Long, damp, black waves became visible as they moved their head, planting their chin against Koga’s shoulder to blink their eyes his way, and immediately, Inuyasha dropped his grip on Sesshomaru and sprinted over to her. Kagome. She was alive. She was okay.

Kagome’s legs and arms squirmed of their own accord, frantically working to free herself from Koga’s supportive hold. The wolf murmured a word of shock from her sudden uprise in energy as he kneeled down to properly release her, and she raced toward Inuyasha, crashing into his arms.

“I’m okay! I’m okay!” She rasped before he could ask her to say it, burying her face in his neck as her hanyou hugged her tight.

Inuyasha physically couldn’t speak. He was so overwhelmed by just barely losing her that being able to hold her right now, to know she was alright, had him fighting his knees from crumbling beneath his weight. It was all he could do to thread his fingers through her wet hair at the back of her head and kiss her temple, attempting to communicate with that, but even after doing so, he found it conveyed nothing that he truly wanted her to know.

This should have never happened.

He should have never left her alone in the first place.

He should have been faster. Stronger.

He was so, so, so fucking sorry.

“Took you fucking long enough.” Sesshomaru remarked as Koga sauntered over, holding out a hand for him to take to help him off the floor. Unsurprisingly, the offer was rejected and the dog demon pushed himself to his feet after wiping his bottom lip of a trickle of blood.

“We were washed downstream quite aways. And, I wanted to make sure you guys had ample timing to finish off that puppet. The fuck happened to you?” Koga asked. Sesshomaru didn’t reply, merely shooting a glare at the half breed who was looking over their way, listening in. “No, don’t tell me. Were you being a good, big brother and allowing Inuyasha to let off some steam so that he stayed here? Or, did he actually get the better of you?”

“Oh, fuck off.” Sesshomaru spit.

“You knew?” Inuyasha asked. “You knew Koga went after her the whole time?”

“I figured it out when he hadn’t come up to help. He was climbing the edging of the mountain to sneak in from behind.” His brother replied.

“Then why the fuck would you tell me she was dead!?”

“Use your brain, Inuyasha. I couldn’t tell you anything in front of Naraku. He came here for her, did he not? Therefore, he would have gone stalking off after her if he knew she may have survived.”

Inuyasha actually appreciated that Sesshomaru was tactful enough to cover for the conjurer. It may have crushed him in the moment, but it prevented a chase.

“Also, I could not guarantee Koga was able to rescue her. He’s a wolf demon, not a mermaid. For all I knew, they were both goners.” Sesshomaru said carelessly.

“Thanks, bud.” Koga grimaced.

The hanyou couldn’t even care about that. Sesshomaru wouldn’t openly admit this, so it would be pointless to ask, but it made sense now why he wasn’t actually fighting Inuyasha. He was, for the most part, allowing the altercation to happen so that Inuyasha would stay busy, stay put. He said what he thought would encourage more powerful attacks, and they worked. They were ruthless, but they worked. Inuyasha physically tore the heart from Naraku’s stomach and ended things. And, then he would have ran off aimlessly looking for Kagome had he not been so distraught about what Sesshomaru had said to him.

He was right. Inuyasha had gotten too emotional. But, that was inevitable and it was manipulated to work in his favor.

It wasn’t that he didn’t know how to feel. It was that Inuyasha didn’t know what to feel first, or if there was even a proper succession to process everything in. Nor did he have the opportunity to think about it before Kagome softly caressed her fingers over his cheek to bring him back to her.

Amber eyes drifted her way, a vibrancy in the irises that grounded her, and his shoulders seemed to soften.

“Your head.” She whispered, moving her fingers to stroke away some blood, but Inuyasha gently grabbed her hand before she could.

“Don’t worry about it, baby. It’s fine.” He quietly said in return. Inuyasha never released her hand, holding it close to his chest, trying to quell the tremors that still ailed her.

“Are you hurt anywhere else?” Kagome asked, her frown deepening with her concern.

His stomach was sinking. Inuyasha felt so unbelievably heavy, it was a wonder he was still on his feet at this point. Tossed over a cliff, and Kagome was still more concerned about him. Trembling where she stood, but she still attempted to clean the blood from his face. All he wanted to do was kiss her, but he felt like he’d break the moment he leaned in.

In an attempt of a reply, he pulled Kagome back into his chest, placing a soft peck against her forehead. “I’m okay.”

Sesshomaru cleared his throat. They should be grateful he provided a small moment of respect for their reunion, but they had the rest of the night to be sickeningly clingy. For now, and for his efforts, he deserved an answer.

“Inuyasha mentioned you saw Kagura.” His voice was tense, more stressed than he’d intended to come off. He wasn’t typically one to show these sort of emotions, but he found it was becoming increasingly unavoidable when it pertained to his found family.

“Sesshomaru -“ Inuyasha was firm as he was about to declare this conversation wasn’t about to take place right fucking now, but Kagome silenced him with a gentle interruption. One that clearly told him she didn’t mind. Otherwise, she would have stayed quiet.

“I did. I didn’t get to talk to her, though.” She replied, stepping out of the safety of Inuyasha’s arms to stand on her own.

“Then how do you know she and Rin are safe?” Sesshomaru’s fingers furled into rigid fists. Was he lied to? Was he given the inkling of false hope he’d foolishly clung to?

“I overheard her.” Again, her tone was gentle. She knew this wasn’t easy on him, and she could only imagine the pain Inuyasha’s older brother was in. He may be too stoic to show it, but if her little brother was kidnapped by the madman that is Naraku, she’d be devastated. Picturing it from a parental point of view was like putting a blade through her own heart. Not consistently knowing their whereabouts or the state of their welfare had to be excruciating. “Kagura killed my friend, Kikyo. She was another conjurer. One Naraku once loved and feared. I was there while not actually being there, but the details of that part you don’t necessarily need to know. It’s just an explanation as to why I didn’t get to speak with her directly.

“Kagura didn’t want to kill her. She said she only did it to ensure the safety of a little girl. I feel it’s safe to assume that it was your daughter she was talking about. Rin, you said her name was? If that’s the case, which I’m positive it has to be, Kagura’s doing everything in her power to keep Rin protected. Sesshomaru, your family is okay.”

“How long ago was this?” He only looked relieved by a small degree. His shoulders were still incredibly taut and his jaw was hard and set.

“Six days.” Kagome replied. “And, I know you’re thinking anything can happen in that time, but I don’t feel like Kagura would let anything happen.”

“She’s being punished. Now I know why.” Sesshomaru informed.

Her brow crinkled, disturbance twisting her features slightly. “What?”

“We faced a puppet yesterday. That thing told me.”

“But, she did what he told her to do.” She stated, perplexed.

“There’s no use in trying to make sense of Naraku’s actions, Kagome.” Sesshomaru said, his fists still white around his knuckles as he pressed his claws into the heels of his hands.

“Wait, this puppet said the real Naraku was having an episode ‘underground.’” Inuyasha mentioned. “He distinctly warned Kagome not to bring up Kikyo or else the real Naraku could potentially overhear and come through, but that he was essentially torn apart about her death. If he’s twisted enough to mourn for her after plotting it all, he could be twisted enough to punish Kagura for being the one to end her life.”

Inuyasha felt guilty bringing anything up, but the possibility of the truth of the circumstance had to be discussed. He could tell Sesshomaru didn’t want to know too much more, and he could practically feel that talking so much about Kikyo’s passing was salt in an unsealed wound for Kagome. Be that as it may, she didn’t flinch, didn’t look away, but she broadened her shoulders in bracing. She understood it was an inevitable topic and was going to handle it as best as she could, and Inuyasha was proud of her.

“Rin,” Kagome began, carefully watching the demon’s body language. His intense eyes shifted over to her from the side as he had looked away moments ago. His lips were relaxed together, though the most subtle frown of resentment lingered - one not directed her way but still presented for her to observe. “Sesshomaru, Rin’s safe. I’m not just saying that to reassure you. I can feel it in my gut that she’s okay.”

“Does your gut know where they are located?” He asked, scornfully.

“N-no.” She admitted.

“Then, your gut is useless to me.” Sesshomaru declared, shifting on his heel and walking away.

Inuyasha’s hand found Kagome’s back. It wasn’t worth the energy to argue with Sesshomaru over his tactless statement, but watching Kagome’s chest deflate sadly brought a dull ache to sit in Inuyasha’s chest.

“I shouldn’t have said that.” She spoke. “He’s right, how is that supposed to make him feel better?”

“Don’t beat yourself up.” Koga said, still standing near the spot Sesshomaru had left him behind in. “The guy’s great with optimism. If it were literally anybody else, saying something like that would honestly be helpful. You had good intentions, it’s just his choice whether to receive it or not.”

The wolf demon walked over to them, patting Kagome on the head when she gave a meager, disappointed grin, but his gaze met Inuyasha’s. “It looks like you guys have been through hell lately. I suggest you two lay low for a day or so. Keep out of sight. Rest. It’s not gonna hurt anyone if Naraku thinks Kagome is dead. Let him.”

“Koga,” Kagome stepped in to reward him with a kind hug. “Thank you.”

“Yeah, yeah.” He chuckled, rubbing her back before letting her go. “I’m serious. Lay low.”

“Wolf.” Inuyasha spoke, clenching his jaw as he looked at him. His stomach was doing flips and turns, his hands were still shaking, his body felt leadened, and the air in the atmosphere felt like sludge thickening around his shins. As if a swallow would push it all away, Inuyasha bypassed the lump in his throat to do just that, feeling as if he merely managed to mask it all momentarily, and feebly at that. Still, if it weren’t for Koga, Kagome might have died. That needed to be acknowledged. “Thank you.”

“I didn’t do it for -“

“I don’t care.” Inuyasha cut him off, his tone wavering as his defenses faltered for a second. “I don’t care what or who you did it for. It doesn’t fucking matter. I don’t care. Thank you for saving Kagome’s life.”

“Wow. Uh, yeah.” Koga nodded, almost bewilderingly. He couldn’t help but be slightly blown away by Inuyasha’s genuine emotions. It wasn’t like he could claim he knew the guy super well, but it’d been a few years since they’d met and this was the first time he’d ever seen Inuyasha in any manner but grouchy. And, he wouldn’t claim the half demon was anywhere near happy at the moment, but this was still deep. “Sure. Get going, dude.”

“Yeah.” Inuyasha agreed, watching as the wolf demon ran off to follow his brother.

He waited a moment, turning to meet Kagome’s stare at the same time she turned to him.

“Are you really okay, baby?” Inuyasha breathed, cradling her face so softly.

“I’m fine. I promise.” Kagome responded, leaning into his touch.

“No. No.” He felt himself choking on his words as he quickly became overwhelmed again. His mind shifted right back to the sight of Kagome being thrown over the edge, her scream, and he pinched his eyes shut. “You fell. It wasn’t like a few feet, kid. I know you didn’t hit the water gently. Tell me where you’re hurt.” He all but demanded.

“Inuyasha, I’m fine.” She insisted, pushing herself passed his hands to hug her arms around his waist. “Yes, I hit hard, but I don’t feel any pain.”

“Your adrenaline levels are still up then.” He excused.

“And, if you’re right and they die down, I’ll let you know.”

“Kagome, I -“ Why couldn’t he say anything? What did he even want to say? What came first? His concern or his apology? His plead for forgiveness or his admittance that he didn’t deserve it? “Let’s head out. I want to get to an inn before nightfall.”

“Inuyasha?” Kagome asked, worried as he pulled away from her and crossed the terrain to grab the bag she’d shrugged off earlier. He didn’t stop, didn’t try to return to his incomplete sentence, didn’t even turn to acknowledge her. She watched as the hanyou kneeled down in front of the bag, pulling out his robe before forcefully yanking the drawstring shut.

“Here,” He offered, setting the bag down at their feet before holding the crimson robe out for her to put on. “This will keep you warm for the meantime.”

Kagome hesitated. Something was wrong. Of course, something was wrong. This must have been just as terrifying for him as it was for her. But, how could she help? She could tell with the hardened expression on his face that he was choosing to shut the problem out.

Still, she tried again. “Inuyasha, what is it? Tell me what’s on your mind.”

“I just did.” He sighed. “I want to get to an inn before nightfall.”

“Inuyasha.” Kagome felt that if she pushed him right now, he’d only close off to her more. What he was truly feeling was being hidden behind this wall of an excuse. But, if she prodded, especially too soon, it could have negative repercussions, and Inuyasha didn’t deserve the pressure at the moment. So, with a heavy exhale, she dropped her shoulders, her own defenses, and pushed her arms through the robe he’d been holding open all this time.

“God, baby, you’re shaking.” Inuyasha commented quietly, rubbing her arms as she swaddled up in the garment.

“I’m just a little cold.” She confessed, tucking her hands within the long sleeves. “I’m alright, though.”

“Let me carry you. My body heat will help, okay?”

“If I say no, you’re going to argue with me, aren’t you?” Kagome pursed her lips.

“Yes.”

“Alright.” She sighed, taking the bag to strap over her shoulders as he picked it up.

The hanyou crossed the rock, picking up his de-transformed sword from the ground and sliding it back into its sheath, turning to find Kagome picking up her bow and one surviving arrow. All the others must have been washed away.

“We’ll get you some more.” He promised in way of reassurance.

“Yeah.” She nodded, slipping it back into her empty quiver and securing her bow over her shoulder.

Inuyasha kneeled in front of her, his hands finding her upper thighs as she straddled his back, and as he stood, he hiked her up for better support, clasping his hands beneath her rear so she didn’t droop at all. The dampness of her shirt began to soak through his own, but he didn’t mind. He knew with how quick his blood was pumping right now, his flesh was running hot, so it would help her tremendously.

Kagome cuddled close as he got back onto the path, molding against his frame, and just as a shiver coursed down his spine from her warm breath on his neck, a small kiss in the same spot had his heart jolting. Inuyasha turned his head her way a little, trying to see her affectionate gaze from the side and was gifted with a delicate peck on his cheek. That lump had returned to his throat at full force, making it impossible to speak even if he wanted to. This wasn’t enough for him. Inside, he felt like fire and ice were at war with one another. His mind was racing, and the crunch of the earth beneath his feet couldn’t mute Kagome’s scream of terror that echoed in his ears. Would he ever be able to forget that? Would he ever be able to move on from that look in her eyes? Those tears he saw? He had her in his arms, she was kissing him, and Inuyasha was still weighted with the ungodly fear that he’d lost her for good.

Maybe tending to her comfort tonight would help his heart understand that she was actually okay. Maybe personally seeing to her wounds, if any, and watching over her as she slept would silence this horrible feeling once and for all.

Dusk was disappearing into the shadows of the night, but thankfully, Inuyasha’s nose told him they weren’t far at all from civilization. There was a town up ahead, and by the amount of people he could hear and smell, it was a decently-sized one. Which meant there would definitely be an inn of some sort.

Kagome’s shivering had died down substantially. She was completely relaxed against his back, and if it weren’t for the gentle massage she was giving to one of his shoulders right now, he’d have guessed she’d fallen asleep.

“How are you feeling?” He asked, tone husky.

“Comfy.” Kagome whispered.

Inuyasha chuckled. “We’re near a town. You okay to walk?”

“Mhm.” She hummed, kissing his shoulder when he kneeled to let her down.

Immediately, the hanyou took her hand, threading their fingers and keeping her close to his frame. It was only a little further before the village came into view. There was a tavern near the entrance; he could smell the ale and hear the lively conversation. There were women giggling, but he knew the fake laughter of a harlot trying to make her wage while slapping away the hand of a man who was too cheap to pay.

The sign for the bar didn’t include an inn, and for that, Inuyasha found himself a little grateful. It was too goddamn rowdy, and he really didn’t want Kagome anywhere near the amount of drunken men he knew were inside. Not with how they were currently perusing over the women. Offering themselves or not, the men still treated them as objects, and if anyone was audacious enough to even look at Kagome in the same disrespect, Inuyasha couldn’t guarantee he’d be able to control his reactions.

Down the street a little ways, there was a sign that guided them. Certain shops were to their right, so he rubbed his thumb over the back of Kagome’s hand as he led her down the new road. Finding it, he opened the door for her, allowing her to enter through first before following her to the reception counter and ringing the bell.

A small woman came out with a cheerful smile on her face, swiftly being replaced by a look of startle. Her green eyes widened and her grin drooped into a grimace of concern, brows pinching together in overt question.

Fuck.

Inuyasha had completely forgotten about the dried blood on his face, and how disheveled they both must have looked right now.

“Sorry,” Kagome quickly spoke, keeping her tone friendly. “I know what you’re thinking - holy crap, what the hell happened to them? - right? Yeah, this is my fault. I’m super clumsy, and unfortunately, today my boyfriend was on the other end of my hiccup. Do you happen to have a room?” She asked, feigning believable shame with her lie.

“Oh my goodness, are you two okay?” The girl asked, feeling comfortable enough now to approach the counter and bring out the guest book.

Kagome dropped her head against the table top in embarrassment, and Inuyasha was almost shocked by how well she was pulling off this ruse. She never lied this well with him. She was a stammering mess that looked to the side and fidgeted her fingers, and it was so fucking easy to tell that she never meant a thing she was saying in that moment. But, here? It was like she was a master at the art.

“He was trying to teach me how to shoot a bow and arrow. Somehow, I lost my balance, fell backward into the river, and my arrow nipped his forehead. I lost all of my other arrows in the process, and he had to come chasing after me in the current.”

The innkeeper’s bewildered stare transferred to Inuyasha where he pressed his lips into a tight line and rolled his eyes, nodding to confirm the story. “She sucks.”

“I said I was sorry.” Kagome grumbled.

“Yeah, well, ‘sorry’ isn’t getting us home tonight.” He remarked dully.

She pouted at the innkeeper as if the doe-eyed look was enough to ask her question for a room again. With a sympathetic, and slightly humored, smile, the woman complied, quieting her giggle as she looked at her guest book.

“I’ve got a few open, so you have nothing to worry about.” She said, grabbing her pen. “May I have your names?”

“I’m Sango.” Kagome fibbed. It just felt like a horrible idea to give out their real names right now. If they were going to lay low, then Kagome and Inuyasha needed to stay off the radar. Naraku was after them, and Kagome was presumably dead. Just in case he sent any underlings in the surrounding areas to look, it was a better idea to keep their true identities under wraps. “This is Miroku.”

The innkeeper filled in their names under the room number they were to occupy, then gestured for them to wait a quick moment as she shuffled to the back to grab their room key.

“You’re brilliant.” Inuyasha commented quietly, petting her hair. “You really covered for us there, kid.”

Kagome gave a meager grin in return, one not as bright as he wished he could see, leaning into his touch. Her eyes weren’t meeting his. They were upwards, on his forehead, staring at the gash behind his bags that was already beginning to heal. The innkeeper returned, attaining Kagome’s attention once more, and offered to show them to their room, but she was quick to respectfully decline.

“We can find our way, don’t worry.” She held her hand out for the key to be place in her opened palm, smiling appreciatively at the woman.

Just as they began to walk toward the hall, the innkeeper cleared her throat to catch their attention. Inuyasha met her gaze when she pulled out a small bandage from beneath the counter, sliding it his way over the countertop. With a noticeable grimace, she lightly gestured toward his head. There was a moment of awkward silence before Inuyasha pressed his lips into a tight line, reaching for the offered bandage and taking note of how tiny it was.

“Uh, thanks.” He said anyway, tipping the bandage to her. As if it stood a chance at covering even half of his wound. It’s the thought that counts, he supposed.

Locating the number on the door that their key was associated with, Kagome unlocked it and led the way in, hearing the click as Inuyasha bolted it behind him. She turned around, half expecting him to be ready to let his defenses down, but his shoulders didn’t loosen, nor did his guarded expression quite give. Something heavy was on his mind. Kagome had been terrified, but now she was relieved. She’d thought, at least by now, that Inuyasha would be, too.

The half demon strode past her with nothing but a sweet touch on her shoulder, locating the bathroom and stepping through the door. As Kagome shrugged everything off of her shoulders, including Inuyasha’s crimson robe, laying it neatly at the bottom of the mattress, she heard the water start running from the faucet of the bath.

“Kagome, come here.” He called, and she followed, stepping through to see the tub filling up with hot water.

“Wash up.” He instructed. “Get warm. I’ll be out here if you need anything.”

“Wait.” Kagome said, grabbing onto the rolled up sleeve of his shirt. “Let me at least clean your head.”

“No, it’s fine. I’ll do it later.” Inuyasha declined with more of a disapproving grunt than anything.

Her grip on him didn’t slacken, and she gave an obstinate tug on his bicep. “I’ll take a bath, but only if you let me do this. Come on, it’ll only take a minute. While the tub is filling.”

“Kid, stop worrying about it. It’s closed up already. My head clipped a rock; it’s nothing serious, so calm down about it.”

“Stop.” Her brows furrowed in a slight, reprimanding scowl. “You’re shutting me out, I can already tell. I do it too, remember? It drives you crazy. Why won’t you let me help you? Why is this suddenly a one-way street?”

Inuyasha had stiffened. He hadn’t even realized he was doing it. His mind was an unforgiving place right now, and all he really wanted was a minute alone to gather himself. To sort out the jumbled thoughts he had stabbing him. It was hard to think rationally at the moment, it was difficult to be himself with that pleading look he’d seen on her face replaying behind the darkness of his eyelids every time he blinked. Kagome really wasn’t asking for a lot. He shouldn’t be denying her anything right now. If cleaning the blood off his face was what she wanted, then he had no place turning her down whatsoever.

With an exhale that he used to shove his grievances aside, Inuyasha relented, turning around to sit on the rim of the tub. Kagome reached for the washcloths on the high shelf, pushing to the tips of her toes and snagging a couple. She threw one to float in the water to clean herself with later and unfolded the other, dipping it under the running faucet to wet a portion. Gently, she pushed aside his bangs, lightly tapping the area around the gash to test how sensitive it was. Inuyasha didn’t flinch or pull away, his brows didn’t even twitch in pain, but instead his hands made home on the backs of her thighs, pulling her closer to stand between his legs.

“Does it hurt?” She asked.

Inuyasha gave a small shake of his head, caressing his thumbs over her pants. She could feel his fingers shaking slightly, feel the hot breath he sighed out against her chest. He seemed sad. Kagome had never seen Inuyasha sad before. She’d seen him sympathetic, and maybe sad for her, but never like this. She’d never seen him seemingly so burdened that his shoulders slumped this way. She could be wrong. But, she knew him. And, this version of him was out of character.

Kagome respected his silence, though. She softly rubbed the washcloth over his face, cleaning the dried blood, the dirt, the sweat. He wasn’t lying, it wasn’t as bad as the amount of blood had made it seem. It was already closed, a lightly-shaded bruise marring the immediate area around. With a tender kiss to the center of Inuyasha’s forehead, she dropped the dirtied washcloth to the floor and let go of his bangs, lingering with her affection. His large hands gripped her thighs firmly, a shuddering exhale leaving his lips, and he tilted his chin upward, searching for her own.

His earlier assumption was correct. Kissing her was going to lead to his downfall. Kagome brushed a delicate kiss to his mouth, and it felt as if his heart swelled with unbridled emotions he couldn’t even name. What was he feeling right now? Why did he want to fall apart?

“We made a deal.” He managed to say without waver, planting a scant peck against her bottom lip. “Get warm. Please.”

“Okay.” She breathed with a little nod, allotting him space to stand by taking a step back.

Inuyasha shut the door behind him to give her deserved privacy, find it becoming increasingly harder now to hold anything together. Inuyasha was suffocating in his own thoughts. It was all hitting him like a bull charging at full force, knocking the wind from his diaphragm only to turn around and do it again and again as soon as he was back on his feet.

Kagome is dead, Inuyasha!

That was part of the problem. A percentage of him had believed Sesshomaru when he’d shouted that before. She was thrown off a cliff. He’d never gotten a complete look over the edge. There was no guarantee she’d actually landed in the water; Kagome could have hit jagged mountainside, rock, or landed on the bank, and he was terrified he’d have peeked over then to see her body. Even if he was right and she did land in the river, the current was so heavy that she could have easily drowned. It could have dragged her under, made it impossible to come up for air, and then her lungs would fill with water.

That was it.

Not only was Inuyasha beating himself up for failing to save her.

But, a portion of his heart had already broken at the consideration of her death.

He truly had thought he’d lost her.

Inuyasha fell short of the cushioned chair along the far wall. His back dragged down against the wood, and he found himself sitting on the floor, his legs bent into him, his elbows planted on his knees while he buried his head into the palms of his hands. He should be happy that she was alive, but it was difficult to register that when his heart had already shattered. How could he have let this happen? How could he have fallen short when she needed him?

Kagome wrung her clean hair, noticing a ripe, developing bruise on the inside of her bicep as she lifted it up. How did she even get that one? She’d scrubbed a couple on her legs thinking they were just dirt that was coated heavily, but when she realized the marks weren’t budging and the dull pain wasn’t caused from the aggressive swiping of the washcloth, she left them alone. Thankfully, most of her bruises would be covered by clothing, and it wouldn’t increase Inuyasha’s worriment. Only a few were relatively bad, broken blood vessels and all, but as of right now, they weren’t that painful, and she’d put them away beneath her shirt.

Her shirt that was in her backpack.

Her backpack that was left in the bedroom.

Crap.

Carefully, she reached for her towel, drying herself off as she stepped out of the tub. She ran it vigorously through the ends of her hair, expelling as much moisture as she could until a slight frizziness began to show, and then she brushed her fingers through to lazily sort out her waves. There was still a good chance she could grab her bag without Inuyasha really noticing anything. All she’d have to tell him was to look away, and her hanyou wouldn’t hesitate to comply. He never compromised any of her boundaries, so she was confident she could get away with this if she was quick enough.

Wrapping the towel securely around her body and fastening it at her chest, Kagome opened the door, peeking out to make sure Inuyasha wasn’t in immediate sight. The last thing she wanted was to make him feel worse with her bruises. They happened. She was a human, they were more common on her flesh than his. Especially, when you’re smacked around by a demon tentacle once or twice. But, he was so overprotective sometimes, and it would kill her if any of her bruises made his shoulders sag farther.

The room was still dark, and she heard no movement come from within. Stepping out, Kagome looked around where the bathroom light allowed her eyes to focus, but still she didn’t spot him.

“Inuyasha?”

The hanyou was torn out of his toxic state by the sound of her voice, and he jumped to his feet, rushing across the room to her as he feared she needed him. “Yeah. I’m here. Are you okay?”

“I’m -“ Along the inside of her ribcage, right beside her sternum, it felt as though something unwelcome slithered its way down. A dense sensation was sprouting within the cavity of her chest, enveloping her heart quicker than ever before, and her expression, whatever existed of it, crumbled. Kagome watched as a single tear glided down Inuyasha’s cheek, leaving a trail from the brimming lid of his golden eye. “Baby?” She spoke so softly it was hardly heard.

“What’s wrong?” Inuyasha’s hands were trembling so bad, he’d clenched his fists for a semblance of control.

Without another word, Kagome cautiously extended her arm, tenderly wiping away the tear when he didn’t bother to pull away. It was as if he didn’t even realize he was crying. And, when she left her fingers there to cup his jaw, to caress, he folded.

Inuyasha stepped back, finding the edge of the bed and dropping down to sit on it. It was incredible how shaken up he was over this entire thing. To watch her fall, to hear her scream, to think of the unimaginable, it was his worst fear come true. He shouldn’t even bother trying to hide this from her anymore. It took more effort than it was worth, more effort than he could even manage to put forward right now.

“Inuyasha, will you please talk to me?” Kagome tried, filling the small gap that was created. His crying had to be of the saddest sort she’d ever observed. His face didn’t crinkle, a frown was barely present, and tears streaked his cheeks to speak his mind in ways he wasn’t yet able to. It was like those emotions riddling it were so overwhelming, they were impossible to process, and his expression had no other choice but to be devoid of anything but a blank slate while his heart attempted to decompress enough to breathe.

She was so gentle as she cleaned his cheeks, the swipe of her thumbs a ghost of a touch. Amber eyes fluttered up to her and Kagome swore they were the brightest she’d ever seen them. It was like his sorrow added a beautiful illumination the firelight couldn’t rival, reflecting with a glow that could only come from within, and while it was stunning, Kagome never wanted to get used to seeing them like this.

“If you don’t want to talk, I understand. That’s okay. If you aren’t ready, I’ll just sit with you.” She whispered, biting her bottom lip.

Inuyasha reached forward, wrapping his arms around Kagome’s waist and burying his face in her stomach. Her scent was no longer masked by anything, and he took deep breaths of it, hoping the sweet aroma would work to calm some fucking part of him. He could hear her heartbeat, he could feel her warmth, her fingers were gingerly stroking his ear while her other hand was sweetly placed at the side of his head, and it did work to sooth the tiniest piece of him, but he was still so inconsolably upset. He was upset with himself, with Naraku, with the situation, with the world.

“I thought I’d lost you.” He finally said, his voice raspy and gruff.

Kagome’s chest deflated. She hadn’t realized that was on his mind. She hadn’t considered that maybe he’d been scared enough to ever jump to that conclusion. “I’m so sorry.”

“No.” The spit Inuyasha swallowed went down thickly, almost painfully. He pulled away, begrudgingly so, shaking his head when he shifted her to the side so he could stand. He found himself pacing the room, frustrated, his chest rising and falling heavily as his anxiety went right back to the way it had been. “Do not apologize. Don’t. That’s not what I want to hear.”

“Then, what do you want to hear?” Kagome carefully asked, keeping her tone level.

“Nothing. Nothing, Kagome. Nothing I’ve tried telling myself has made me feel better. I know you’re alive. I know you’re alright. I can see you, I can smell you, I can feel you, but god fucking dammit, all I can hear is your scream.” He ranted, expressing himself with flailing hands and ambling feet.

Kagome watched him, respecting his space, respecting his temper, keeping herself still so as not to agitate his current state. It was finally coming out. She hoped he yelled. Screamed. She wanted him to cry some more so his mind wasn’t so tainted by the dark thoughts that dragged him under. Telling him she was okay wasn’t going to help right now. Not like it usually did. This, what they’d gone through, was more than that. He wasn’t worried about a scrape on her knee, or a cut on her shoulder. He wasn’t freaking out over a demon sneaking up on her, or even overexertion of her powers. Inuyasha had witnessed her being flung aside like a rag doll. Inuyasha had to watch her be thrown away like a piece of garbage while he was pinned down, helpless, and it had to be scarring. She wasn’t the only one affected by that. Of course, she wasn’t. It was traumatizing to the both of them in different manners, and both of which deserved validation.

“I -“ Thereafter his powerful statement, none of his words would come fluidly anymore. Inuyasha was growing increasingly emotional, shaking, his bottom lip quivering like he hadn’t felt since he was a broken child.

“I failed.” The last of his sentence trailed off into a whisper when he felt like his heart was being shredded. Like, it was poorly drawn on a piece of parchment and ripped from top to bottom, left to right, repeat, repeat, repeat.

“I -“ Another pause as his eyes brimmed with tears again. They were hot. Unfamiliar.

“Kagome.” Her name was spoken dolefully.

“I couldn’t get to you.” That part was barely audible. “I couldn’t get to you, and you fell.”

“I don’t - I don’t even know why you’d apologize for being a victim.” Inuyasha said, pressing the heels of his hands to his temples. “When I - I don’t -“

He looked at her with a pleading desperation. “I don’t even know how to ask for your forgiveness.”

Forgiveness? Forgiveness for what? For being in a position beyond his will? Did he really blame himself for the harm she was dealt? Was her near death situation placed on his shoulders for him to bear?

“What are you talking about?” Kagome reached.

“Kagome, you almost fucking died! I didn’t save you! That’s what I’m talking about!”

“But, that’s -“

“No, don’t do that! I know what you’re about to say! I don’t want to hear that it’s not my fault, because that’s not going to mean anything to me!” He snapped. “If it weren’t for Koga, you’d - fuck!”

Kagome stiffened from the amount of internal pain she could see Inuyasha was in. Did she even stand a chance at making this easier on him? Would she be able to talk some sense into him?

“If it weren’t for Koga,” Inuyasha tried continuing. “I don’t know where you’d be, kid. And, it shouldn’t have happened that way. It’s me you’re supposed to be able to rely on. You can’t convince me to be okay with the way things played out, because nothing’s preventing me from feeling like I fucking failed you. I was the one that promised to protect you. Not Koga. Not Sesshomaru. It was me. I told you - I told you - that I can’t fucking lose you, Kagome. I didn’t just say that to make you feel good, or because it sounded like a pleasant thing to add to the moment. I wasn’t even one-upping you. I was telling the truth. I can’t. I can’t do it. And, yet, no matter what I did, I wasn’t strong enough to get to you in time.”

“Can I speak?”

“No.” Because, she would only oppose him, and he wasn’t receptive to hearing her positive point of view just yet. “I already know you’re going to contradict what I say. You don’t see things the way I see them and vise versa. Just listen, alright? Try to understand where I’m coming from.”

Kagome gave the smallest nod, hugging her arms close to her body for a semblance of comfort. It was hard not being able to help while he was basically calling out for it. To stand by idly and watch him break down was so painful, but she knew it was merely a fraction of what he was struggling with right now. So, she didn’t argue.

“I know it’s not my fault that this happened. But, it’s impossible to believe that the prevention of it wouldn’t have been. I made you a promise and I dropped the ball when you needed me most. And, then you were gone. I’ve never been more afraid in my life, kid. Not once. And, when Sesshomaru told me there was no way you could have survived the fall, I fucking believed him. He only said it to get me to fight the puppet instead of abandoning it altogether to go after you, but that doesn’t change the fact that I ditched hope so quickly. God, it hurts, Kagome!” Inuyasha grabbed his chest. His heart. “It hurts so fucking bad! You’re right in front of me, but this feeling wont go away! I don’t know what to do! Please - just - please tell me you forgive me.”

Hot tears spilled from Kagome’s eyes as she broke with his plea, but she fervently shook her head to reject it. “No. I don’t want to.”

“Fuck.” He whimpered huskily.

“It would be like admitted that I believe you did something wrong, when I literally saw you doing everything you could. I don’t agree with you, Inuyasha. I don’t blame you for anything.”

“You need to stop that! This vision you have of me is deluded! I swear, it’s like you think I’m perfect or something!”

“Far from it!” Kagome quickly objected.

“Look at the situation, kid!”

“I was there too, Inuyasha!”

“Fucking shit! It’s like the moment you fell in love with me, you started viewing me with these rose-colored glasses!”

“Oh, shut up! That’s not the case, at all! You’re just trying to get me to second guess myself! I am not naive!” Kagome stomped her foot, glowering at the hanyou across the room. She was angry, and sad, and so badly did she want him to hear her, and she wasn’t leaving this spot until he did. “What are you looking for!? A list of all of my complaints about your personality so that I can prove you wrong!? I’m not going to feed into it! I’m not deluded or whatever else you think I am just because I disagree with you, Inuyasha! Like I said, I was there! I was a part of the whole ordeal! You need to look at the bigger picture! I understand that you feel you should have been responsible for saving me, but circumstances said otherwise! Koga came in, and I’m lucky that he did! You’re right! We don’t know where I’d be! But, I didn’t look at Koga and think, ‘this should have been Inuyasha pulling me out of the river.’ Not even close. He saved my life! He and Sesshomaru helped! So, why is that a gateway for you to criticize yourself just because it wasn’t you? You’re not a god, you can’t expect yourself to do the impossible all on your own! I’m here either way! I’m right here! Inuyasha, I swear I’m okay. You didn’t lose me.”

That war he felt raging inside of him was an ongoing battle, spears being tossed and puncturing his organs to cause internal bleeding. He heard her, but it was still so difficult to rationalize through the haze of his brain. Instead of saying anything in return, he found he could only chew on the inside of his bottom lip, his gaze falling to the ground.

“Do you think Kikyo’s death was my fault?” Kagome asked, her voice dropping several octaves.

Instantly, Inuyasha’s vibrant eyes shot up to meet her, an incredulous expression twisting his features. “Of course, I don’t.”

“Good.” She breathed. “Because, this is sort of the same thing. So, I know how difficult it is to remove yourself from the situation to see things from a different perspective, or even find reasonability somewhere out there. If you need to blame yourself right now, then okay. I get it. I can wait you out, I don’t mind. But, I won’t partake. I won’t give you forgiveness that you don’t need because it would be empty, and I feel like that would be more damaging in the long run. I can’t hurt you like that. I can give you literally anything else, anything you want or need, but not that.”

His heart thudded. Maybe rejecting his request was exactly what he needed. What sort of murky waters would invade his chest if Kagome had basically validated the fault he’d put on himself? Imagining her forgiving him, agreeing that he should have been the one to save her, applied a different kind of weight he hadn’t expected, when he’d initially thought it’d lift it all. His heart still ached, horribly so, but he felt the best thing for him would be to kill the distance. He deserved to hold Kagome, to physically confirm that he hadn’t lost her like he’d foolishly thought. He wanted to kiss her again, to feel the pain that so fiercely demanded to be felt, so that her intimacy could wash it all away - be it little-by-little or all at once. It didn’t matter. This was what he needed. She was what he needed.

“You. Give me you.” Inuyasha crossed the room with a passionate stride, watching a small, hopeful smile of relief appear on her mouth just before he wrapped his arms around her waist. “Give me all of you.”

Kagome stumbled back against the wall, trusting his hold on her as he pinned her there. His lips found hers with an insatiable hunger, his hands snaking up her sides to cradle her jaw and hold her to him. With a small nip to her bottom lip, Inuyasha slipped his tongue into her mouth, delighted by the way she grabbed his belt and pulled him closer. The fire inside of him was suddenly beating out the ice. Cold was a thing of the past when he swallowed a tiny moan that escaped her throat and when he felt her fingers curl further against the waistband of his trousers, holding him against her.

He traveled smoothly down Kagome’s cheek where he gently nipped her jaw, giving a small nudge with his nose to extend her neck so he had more room to play. Little kisses were peppered down the length, her flesh warm, soft, inviting his mouth to give more attention, and she released a tantalizing sigh in response. Inuyasha tensed, pausing at the curve where her shoulder met and hovering so that his hot breath bounced off her skin and back against his chin. His pace dramatically slowed then. This wasn’t going to be rushed. If Kagome didn’t get it yet, she was going to understand with this act just how much he loved her.

The hanyou placed a hand on her hip to squeeze her soft curve while the fingers of his other curled in her hair, tilting her head back. He began a burning trail of kisses back up the side of her neck, bringing a silky gasp from her opened lips and a twitch of her fingers at his pelvis. She could push him away at any time, but Kagome was actively pulling him closer, and the way she held his belt in such a territorial manner had butterflies flying through his stomach. His lips were searching for that sweet spot, incorporating little laps from his tongue until her body tensed and her gasp was shuddered. He felt her flesh grow hotter, a new scent meeting his nose, and it was nearly impossible not to instantly become intoxicated by it. It went straight to his head. He felt light on his feet and the only way he could stabilize himself was to press further into her hip, his mouth sucking a mark above her clavicle.

The moan she released was heavenly, and he swore he heard the hint of his name mixed within. Her hands went to travel up his waist, his abdomen, but always seemed to snap right back to his belt. It almost appeared like both a homing zone to grasp onto, and a way to make sure he never moved far from her. Already, Kagome’s heart was beating hard. He could hear it, practically feel it against his own chest. His wasn’t fairing much different. Inuyasha felt as if his might burst when he actually heard his name fluidly leave her lips.

He released the wonderfully sore spot on Kagome’s neck, hovering just above it so that his satin breath over the wet area would cause a mind-numbing shiver to course over every inch of her skin. Her hanyou placed a sweet kiss to it, let go of her hair, and then brought his face back up to her own, their noses barely touching. It almost seemed like he was taking a moment to admire her, the backs of his fingers softly stroking her cheeks, cleaning the stains her recent tears had left behind. Her eyelashes fluttered closed as he placed a kiss to her forehead, his hands dragging down the sides of her throat, teasing over her collarbone, and ending at the towel that was fastened around her chest.

He loosened the damp garment, holding it around her himself to see if she’d object, and though she’d stiffened minutely, her breath hitching, Kagome didn’t stop him. Inuyasha moved slow, not quite allowing the towel to just drop to the floor. He opened it while he rubbed his nose against hers, feeling her breath, sliding the cloth down her body until it curved below her ass where he released it to fall completely. He pressed his lips to hers, feeling her skin beneath his palms as he grabbed her bare waist, pulling her flush against him.

His kiss was deep, otherworldly, breathtaking, and as he firmed his hold on her and pulled her away from the wall, turning Kagome and guiding her backwards until her legs hit the bed, she found her hands had finally let go of his belt, mindlessly following instinct as they pulled his shirt from within the tuck of his pants. Inuyasha laid her down gently, adjusting her so her head hit the pillows as he crawled on top, and her tongue betrayed her, releasing a small mewl as she tried again to pull his shirt up his torso. Finally, he got the hint, smiling into his kiss before he pulled away and yanked his shirt off, tossing it to the floor to be forgotten.

Having leaned back, Inuyasha’s eyes glanced down for his first good look at Kagome’s body. He couldn’t help but sit back on his legs to take her in, captivated by each inch that was exposed to him. Her breasts were supple, nipples hard and calling his name. Her stomach was toned from the amount of action she saw, the training she did, and he made a mental note to follow the slightly defined line at the top of her abdominals with his lips later. What he found he adored most was that she was still soft in some places. She was healthy. The bottom of her tummy where it met her pelvis had a little curve where her organs were properly protected by muscle and fat. Her hips had a roundness to them as the plush of her bottom was pushed outward, and he wanted to sink his fingers into it all. Most enthralling was the thighs propped at either side of him. They were thick. Muscle and softness that beckoned his mouth, his tongue, his teeth, and Inuyasha couldn’t resist the way his hand caressed over them, gliding upward toward her stomach, her waist, and halting instantly when he felt the tiniest flinch from her.

He’d been so hypnotized that he hadn’t even taken note of the bruises littering her skin. Beneath his palm was a dark red contusion, a shade of purple vaguely notable in the shadows of their room. It was large, extending from the curve of her waist to the edge of her ribcage, and he knew it was caused from the tentacle that had wrapped around her. It brought a heavy sensation to sit in his chest, but he pushed it aside, ghosting his fingers over the mark.

Inuyasha glanced up to Kagome’s face, her cheeks a blistering scarlet as she chewed her bottom lip. She was shy, her blush invading the surface of her chest as even that had hued pink under his eyes. He grinned, crawling back over her and saving her bottom lip from her teeth as he hovered just above, making her anticipate his kiss.

“I’ll be careful.” Inuyasha breathed. “I wont hurt you. You trust me?”

Kagome immediately nodded. She wasn’t afraid, and more than anything, she’d learned to love the sense of vulnerability with Inuyasha. Time and time again, he proved to cherish it. He’d taken such good care of her, so she knew she had nothing to worry about right now. It was impossible not to be nervous, especially under such keen observation, but to watch his smile appear had her heart beating a rhythm that would have even the most skilled dancers out of breath.

She pushed herself an inch upward to close the gap, stealing the kiss Inuyasha had hung over her as her own. She trusted him. She trusted him with even the most delicate pieces of herself. When he’d requested all of her in a desperate reach for comfort, Kagome was nothing short of thrilled. Obliging would be an honor. To be with him was all she wanted, so to hear it was what he’d wanted as well, to have reassurance even when she didn’t need it, it gave her a sense of happiness she understood she was lucky to understand.

Inuyasha groaned into her mouth as Kagome pulled him down against her, her whisper of a moan from the enrapturing heat of his chest swallowed. More. She wanted more of him. All of him. Everything he was willing to give her, she wanted to treasure for as long as she could. One of his hands found her breast, and the way it so softly curved over her shape, trailing over her budded nipple had her upper body arching for more.

Again, his lips made their way down her neck, this time the opposite side as before, taking their time in teasing her sensitive flesh. It was like an unfounded heat was overtaking her, overwhelming her senses. Her breathing was growing heavy as he ground into her hips, the rough texture of his pants against her inner thighs a welcomed chafing she wasn’t eager to end. His tongue above her clavicle had a high-pitched gasp leaving her mouth, his thumb caressing back and forth over her nipple causing her hips to jolt against his. She could feel his hard length then, how his stomach flexed in response, but as she raked her fingers down his side to find his belt again, Inuyasha snagged her wrist midway, jerking it away and pinning it above her head.

“Don’t you dare.”

Kagome giggled at his husky tone, the feeble threat he couldn’t even hold steady, finding she quite liked the restraint. She felt his smile as he pressed kisses against her collarbone, her chest, her breasts, lingering with his wet trail as he seemingly relished in the soft tissue.

If his calloused hands felt this good against her nipple, she wanted to know what his molten tongue would feel like. She wanted it so bad, but her words were lost in her baited breaths. Kagome couldn’t even try to communicate, entranced in the way he was seemingly teasing her. It was like he was eating her up, sucking his mark into her skin, nibbling softly and bringing her to arch into him. Inuyasha was pressed firmly against her, granting her a small grind of his hips, and he trailed his tongue from the underside of her breast, finally flicking her erect nipple with a heat that felt so much different than anywhere else.

The moan that escaped Kagome’s mouth was desperate, and if her thoughts were sober, she’d have been humiliated. It was like fuel for Inuyasha, though. After she cracked, he took her into his mouth, flicking his tongue in mind-numbing ways, suckling lightly, and then pulling off of her with a pop of his lips.

“Baby.” Kagome mewled.

To hear her call him that was ethereal. The endearment left her tongue like silk, meeting his ears with a heavenly warmth that could have caused him to melt right then and there. His name in that soft coo of a tone was to die for, but this? This was to live for. He wanted to experience it a hundred more times just like that. He wanted to hear it stuttered in her dreamy state. He wanted it to get to the point where the endearment was lost in her sighs, but still there to linger in the nonexistent space between them.

Inuyasha kissed a path from one breast to the other, engulfing the opposite in just as much affection as he took to massaging the one his mouth had just been all over. Kagome’s breathing was deep, her upper body rising into him to seek more attention, and the broken whimper she released as he swirled his tongue around her nipple almost caused him to crumble. It was like she was shamelessly begging for more in a manner that required no articulation. He could give her that. He would oblige. Inuyasha was going to absolutely worship this woman until she was shaking.

Her pelvis rolled into his own, and he groaned, popping off of her nipple to reach back up for her mouth. Her lips were lax, molding against his and opening for his tongue as it glided through to massage her own. Her whines tasted exquisite, the warmth of her fingers curling around the back of his neck was divine. Inuyasha breathed her in, her scent so much stronger than he’d ever experienced, and stars flickered behind the lids of his eyes.

Languidly, he dragged his fingers down her belly, grazing the backs of his nails over the space between each hip. The moan she shuddered was earnestly swallowed by him, fueling his slow, leisurely movements as he teased the sensitive skin. The way he softly touched her, raking almost methodically in the places that had her reacting positively, had a flurry igniting in his stomach. Her responses to him were more than he could have ever asked for. He couldn’t get enough of the sounds she made, causing his heart to do practiced somersaults in his chest. His ribcage was going to break if it beat any harder, but it was a fate he was more than willing to accept.

Gently, Inuyasha glided his hands down further, pulling away from their kiss so that he could feel her sharp gasp against his lips. He teased his fingers over the slit of her sex in a ghost of a touch. It was hot, and even though he’d whispered over her, he could still feel the slick lubrication her body naturally created. The next stroke of his fingers went within her folds, still stroking lightly while delighted by the searing heat of how wet she was. It scalded his middle finger in the most delectable way as he dragged the moisture over her vulva. Though delicately touched, he could already feel how swollen her clit had become, Kagome’s body reacting with a twitch that caused her pelvis to roll again.

With each glide of his fingers, Inuyasha gradually applied a little more pressure, coaxing her body into relaxing for him as she adjusted to the stimulation. He kissed her nose, her cheeks, just beneath her eyes, and her long eyelashes tickled him. He grinned as she tilted upward for attention on her mouth, and he complied with a meager drag of his lips against hers, planting the kiss on her chin. The sound of her laughter was breathy and heart stopping. It was better than music. It was contagious, and Inuyasha chuckled too.

“How do you like it done, baby?” He asked, his voice low since they were so close. There was a slight stiffness that appeared from rising shyness, and he felt the heat climb in her cheeks, but he tenderly kissed it away, continuing his ministrations along her pussy.

He understood her hesitation to answer, more than willing to wait as long as necessary. In the meantime, Inuyasha softly circled his finger around her clit, keeping the pressure light. Kagome gasped, and he relished in the way she arched into him that time, her breasts pressing into his bare chest, her skin sublime against his. With how responsive she was to him, even if she was too bashful to speak, he was sure if he followed her cues, he’d get it right and make her cum on his hand.

Kagome swallowed her nervousness, willing her body to relax again as she pushed her palm between them, following his arm down and gliding over the tops of his fingers. With a little flex, she slowed down his rhythm, keeping the circular motion that he’d gotten right from the start. The hanyou released a languid sigh, as if her guidance was exhilarating to him, and she couldn’t help but feed off of that.

She moved his hand around a bit to take him off of her clit, feeling a sense of overstimulation coming on too soon. He showed extreme caution with his claws, sensible to only use the pads of his fingers as he gently massaged the labia around, spreading her juices and gliding with smooth ease. As the bundle of nerves calmed slightly and she missed his touch, Kagome pulled his hand back toward it, allowing him to choose the rhythm. She mewled as he sent her head shoving back into the pillow, her breathing pattern escalating with the perfect circles he drew into her.

Inuyasha kissed her lips just in time to taste her heated moan. He was drunk on her scent, and every sound she made had his mind reeling. Again, she pushed him off of her clit, but her fingers were growing unsteady on top of his, finding she had to busy them by massaging his forearm while he teased the lips of her pussy until she calmed down. He pressed kiss after kiss down her jaw, her neck, leaving another mark around her sensitive clavicle that had her whimpering once more.

“Baby.” Kagome whispered at the top of her gasp, and Inuyasha grunted heatedly in response.

She reached for his wrist and eagerly pulled him against her clit, and he went back to his original pace. But, she wanted it faster. The spot he sucked into her skin had her mind racing, her blood pumping. She was hot all over, and her nerves pleaded for more.

This was nothing like the times when she’d explored herself. This felt surreal. The way her skin ignited in a rush was unearthly, the way her mind went blank was dreamlike. So soon, the stimulation had her climbing higher and higher, and a flame sparked in her core. Kagome adjusted his speed, increased his pressure a little, and her hands instantly flew to grasp onto anything she could. Her lungs were breathing an entirely new pattern, but when he took her nipple in his mouth, she nearly stopped breathing altogether. The flick of his tongue, the suck behind his lips, his fingers taking her cue and moving faster, Kagome was reduced to gasps now, her hips riding his hand.

“Yeah?” He teased, his breath hot against her wet breast. “Like that?”

Kagome could only moan in reply.

“Fuck, baby.” His voice was so low, she could hardly hear it, but she could feel the rumble coming from his chest, stimulating her further. Inuyasha licked the hard bud of her nipple, keeping the pace of his fingers steady. “Come on. Cum for me.”

The moment her nipple was back in his mouth, she was done for. Kagome sucked in a final breath to be held captive in her lungs, arching against him. She was incredibly taut while her lower body was twitching, a small spasm taking over her thigh, but her orgasm wasn’t ridden out yet. As it began its descent, Kagome’s muscles began shaking more, her hips following the slowing circles of Inuyasha’s fingers as she uncontrollably ground against him, exasperated moans leaving her throat that her hanyou moved up to swallow with open-mouthed kisses.

Kagome was on a high, her body coming down, legs collapsing against the hanyou, chest pumping deeply as she tried to catch her breath. Inuyasha chuckled gratifyingly, kissing his way south while his girl’s hands lazily found his biceps, his shoulders, trying to touch him anyway she could while she was in her inadvertent, dreamy state. He followed the line of her abdominals like he’d promised himself, finding it to be just as satisfying as he’d imagined, careful of the large bruise that marred her ribs. He nipped her waist, shifted to the other side, and left twice the amount of soft, little bite marks there. When he reached the soft part of her tummy, Inuyasha found himself burying his face in it, kissing so ravishingly that he almost lost his mind. Skillfully, he maneuvered Kagome’s thighs over his shoulders, all while she was still lethargic, tiny moans leaving her lips whenever he planted attention.

The hanyou flexed his fingers into the plush of her legs, immediately allured by how goddamn soft they were. Her inner thighs were the work of a saint, and he kissed his way up, unwilling to control his craving to suck and nibble the thicker areas near the apex. It was more sensitive the closer he got to her pussy, and as if he knew her body well enough to guess, Inuyasha pinned her down as he sucked his mark into her skin. Unsurprisingly, Kagome’s hips went to rock against him, her sharp gasp causing his ear to flick in delight. He transferred to the opposite side, kissing her inner thighs, licking, rewarding her mewls with gentle bites and little suckles that made his preferred name spill from her tongue.

Practically drooling from the aroma Kagome was giving off, Inuyasha didn’t want to deny himself anymore. With a broad stroke, he dragged his tongue up the length of her slit, causing Kagome to tense and gasp.

“Holy shit!” Her upper body practically rose off the bed with how hot his tongue was, with how different it felt from fingers. And, Inuyasha growled in response, repeating the motion. His hands went from her thighs to her hips, firmly squeezing into the plush that shaped her, but he didn’t get overzealous too quickly, which was what brought Kagome to melt back into the comforter. Her brown eyes had virtually rolled into the back of her head as his strokes got shallower, shifting into little sucks that he found balance with.

He didn’t go straight for her clit, nor did he concentrate on it when he gifted it with that exquisite attention from his tongue. Kagome was still high from her previous orgasm, but wasn’t overly sensitive anymore, so each glide had her fidgeting wonderfully.

Inuyasha was getting bolder as he got lost in her taste. He couldn’t even tell her how fucking good it was, instead putting his mouth to better use. He revisited his broad strokes for a moment, pinching his fingers into her hips when she moaned. While he did that, alternating so she didn’t lose herself too quickly, he found she rocked her pelvis into him. Like, she was riding his tongue. And, his eyes fluttered closed as his enthusiasm piqued.

He sucked on her clit, flicking the tip of his tongue against it, and Kagome’s hands landed on his head. He could tell she was trying to be gentle; his hair was still up and she was most likely worried about pulling it, but he didn’t want her to have that sort of control over herself. So, he sucked again, relishing in the feel of her fingers gripping him. Adventurously, Inuyasha dipped his tongue into her entrance, tasting her at the source, and her thighs squeezed against him. She was reduced to a whimpering mess all over again, unable to formulate words with even a single syllable.

Knowing she was close, Inuyasha grabbed her wrists and pinned them to her stomach, keeping her hips as still as he could as he lapped back up to her clit.

“Baby - Baby I’m - I’m -“

He growled in satisfaction as he sucked her into his mouth, treating the bundle of nerves to a rhythm of pressure that wouldn’t change until she was finished. Kagome’s body went unbelievably taut, her breath held in her chest, and he could feel her pussy convulsing as her orgasm sent her spiraling. The whine that finally escaped her lips was a sign of her comedown, and Inuyasha relented so he wouldn’t overstimulate her, kissing her pussy lips, her thighs, her pelvis her hips.

Just as he climbed his way back up her body, Kagome jerked him down into a kiss, her hands shaking but greedy as they explored his chest. This time, when she reached down for his belt, he didn’t stop her, pushing closer into her so she had a better chance at undoing the loop while she sent his mind reeling with her sloppy, hungry kisses. She was tasting herself on his tongue, swallowing his groans as she paused in undoing his pants to stroke his cock over the fabric. He could feel her thighs trembling with aftershocks of her recent orgasm, and it inadvertently caused his length to throb.

The moment she unlatched his pants, Inuyasha pushed them down and freed his dick, trying to remind himself that he couldn’t be too eager right now. He needed to slow down again, but his heart was pounding and he felt insatiably hot over every inch of his body.

He could feel that Kagome was cautious, but she broke away from the kiss to glance down between them, biting her swollen lip as she took him in. The way she licked her hand before carefully grabbing for it though, had him jolt. Inuyasha didn’t even get to revel in how fucking hot that was before she made his mind blank with the attention. He was so fucking hard that the softest touch from her fingers as she clumsily dragged them up his length had his core winding.

“Here,” He managed to groan, grabbing her hand and adjusting the pressure. The smallest, fearless smile appeared on Kagome’s lips and it was so close to being his undoing. He made her match a slow rhythm so he could keep an inkling of composure, his breathing increasing with her attention.

Allowing her to stroke him, Inuyasha pushed his pants from his legs, never moving far from her in his venture. Her mouth was red, evidence of his affection swelling the plush, and as if they beckoned him, he kissed her with an unmatched adoration. The hanyou removed her palm, leading her to hold his own as he used his free one to guide his cock. With skill, he glided it against her pussy, her slick heat bringing a hiss from his tongue. Again, he stroked himself against her and Kagome mewled, arching.

Begrudgingly pulling back from her, Inuyasha looked at where they’d be connected, spitting down onto his cock and massaging it over the head and length so there was a bit of lubrication coming from his end, too. Lining himself up, he crawled back over her, taking her hands in his and threading their fingers as he shoved her arms over her head.

Slowly, very slowly, he pushed inside of her, feeling her tense around him as her eyes pinched shut and a tiny whimper left her throat. Instantly, he stopped, rubbing his thumbs over her tightened hands, hushing her discomfort away, and kissing her cheek.

“Don’t stop.” Kagome said, willing her body to relax with baited breaths.

He chuckled from her ambition. “I don’t want to hurt you.”

“No, it - it doesn’t hurt. It’s just a bit - um - tight. I’m okay.”

With another kiss to her jaw, Inuyasha complied, steadily pushing himself the rest of the way inside of her. He refused to move for a moment, planting kiss after kiss until she was properly adjusted to the intrusion.

“I love you.” He whispered, nuzzling his nose against her own.

Inuyasha practically felt the smile grow on her face, but it wasn’t of the sort he was expecting. Kagome was fighting back a fucking laugh, a tiny chortle muffled behind her lips.

“I don’t think you’re supposed to say that during something like this.” The dumbass giggled, and Inuyasha rolled his eyes, pursing his lips in half a grimace as he pinched her cheeks together.

“Shut up and say it back.”

Her giggle was infectious, bringing him to have to swallow his own laughter, a grin replacing his feigned scowl of annoyance.

“I love you more.” Kagome said with the brightest smile.

“Oh, you’re one of those.” He remarked.

As she gleefully nodded, Inuyasha stole a kiss, feeling all of the tension in her muscles dwindle away. With that, he gave a small rock of his hips, noticing her stiffen again, but her breath told him the discomfort wasn’t overwhelming.

Kagome had removed her hands from his to grab onto him, her legs hooked around his own as he carved a skillful, slow rhythm against her. There was less pressure now. The sensation was different, but it was growing increasingly incredible. Inuyasha had dropped his head to pepper her shoulder and neck in unending amounts of affection, and with a forceful grind, his pushed himself entirely inside of her. The moan she inadvertently released at that was deep, unintentionally loud, and she felt her hanyou clench rigidly.

Inuyasha was losing himself. She was clamping down around his cock, and her moans were making it impossible to focus. He was about to make sure she was okay, picking himself up a bit, when he observed the way his next grind had her head tossing back, her breath tantalizing and hot. The hanyou cupped her jaw, kissing her sloppily as he increased his pace a little, and Kagome seemed to melt beneath him. Her hands were traveling now, exploring him. For a minute, she’d placed them on his abdomen, feeling the way his muscles flexed with each thrust he gave, then she honed on his obliques and her nails teased his waist. She roamed around to his back, and at the same time that she lightly scratched him, she gently bit his bottom lip.

“Fuck, baby.” He moaned, accidentally bucking harder. Kagome pinched her lips together then, tensing unpleasantly, so he caught the cue, pulling back slightly to keep his gentle rhythm going and kissing her head apologetically.

It didn’t matter. He was still getting close. Her pussy was so wet, he was gliding in and out with practiced ease. It was like a succulent heat was licking up his shaft, teasing him with coaxing words and a tongue of satin.

“Fuck.” He grunted again, clinging to the plush of her thigh.

“More.” Kagome mewled. There was less grinding from him now, the roll of his hips bringing his cock all the way out to the tip, and then all the way back in. He was hitting something inside of her that had her legs twitching, and his groans had her hypersensitive to everything. “Baby, more. Please.”

She wanted to hear him in her ear. She wanted those growls to cause him to pin her down. She wanted the hand he held her thigh with to bruise his fingerprints into her flesh.

He couldn’t deny her. The butterflies in his stomach had escaped into the cavity of his chest, and Inuyasha was on cloud nine. With a rumble, he pushed himself up to sit on his knees, grasping Kagome’s waist and forcing her arch. He picked her lower body up from the bed with ease, supporting her hips as he drove his cock into her. With the choked gasp she gave, he knew his thrusts were kissing a sweet spot, and Inuyasha dropped his jaw as he watched a series of gooseflesh course over her. Her tits were bouncing with each hit of his hips, her thighs were tensing against him, and her fingers grabbed onto his wrists for support, biting into him.

It felt too good. He still had her indescribable taste on his tongue, and the overriding scent of her lingering orgasms had his cock pulsing inside of her.

“Fuck - fuck.” Everything that slipped from his mouth was out of his control, a string of curses mixed within praise Kagome deserved. “That’s my girl. That’s my good girl. Just a little further, baby, just a little bit more. Fuck, you’re so good. You’re so good, baby girl. Oh fuck, just like that.” He thrusted faster. “Baby - fuck! You’re my good girl, aren’t you? You gonna take it for me? Just like that. Just like -“

Swiftly, Inuyasha pulled out, dropping Kagome down and jerking himself to completion as he spilling himself over her tummy. Both of their breathing was ragged, he was twitching ridiculously, and he finally groaned as the best of his orgasm subsided. Suddenly, it was like supporting himself was the most difficult thing he had to do with now.

Amber eyes lethargically drifted up toward Kagome’s earthy browns, and her cheeks with a gorgeous tint of pink from the exertion, but her expression, her hazy, amorous expression, had her pupils looking like hearts. She lazily notched her nose upward to beckon him forward, and Inuyasha would have been a fool not to oblige, crawling the few inches up her body so she could pull him into a gratifying kiss.

He was in a dream. His mind was clouded with the beautiful echo of her recent moans, and he pressed languid kisses all over her until their heart rates began to drop down to a relatively normal pace. Inuyasha found himself following their mixed scents dragging his body south, kissing her shaking thighs, and then licking up their blended taste. Kagome shuddered, instantly rolling her hips against his tongue, the gasp she released without a moan at the end. She was too spent for sounds, and every flex from her muscles was of a fatigued sort, trembling and unsteady, but still responsive to his affection. Inuyasha gave a finishing kiss to her clit after licking another path upward, almost getting lost all over again in her soaked pussy.

“Don’t move.” He breathed, climbing back up to kiss her. “I’ll go get a washcloth to clean you up.”

“Wait.” Kagome snagged him for another kiss, giggling when he stumbled on his palms.

“I’ll be - right - back.” He laughed between pecks.

“One more.”

“You’re impossible.” Inuyasha smiled into the kiss, lingering with that one before he tore himself away.

He dampened the washcloth under warm water, coming back to gently wipe off her stomach of his seed. When he looked back up to her appreciative grin, it quickly shifted into fully pursed lips. A silent request for more kisses. Inuyasha laughed, tossing the cloth to the floor before rejoining her in bed to pepper her face in so many kisses, she’d regret ever asking for more. Her giggles were wonderful, her warm hands pulling him closer, and he somehow maneuvered the blanket out from beneath them to tuck them in.

He knew she wouldn’t last long. She cuddled into his chest, her lids fluttering closed and tickling his skin before she drifted off, and Inuyasha kissed her forehead, stroking her hair until he, himself, gave into the pull of sleep.

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[fanfics-with-coffee]

The simple pleasures

Your friend had so kindly set you up on a date with Kuroo Tetsurou, her classmate. And it’s been going great! But after your third date, another friend alerts you to the fact that you may want to check out his twitter... where he advertises his onlyfans. Of course you had to see what was hidden behind the paywall. 

Genre: Smut, smut, oh and did i mention smut? Pairing: Kuroo x reader Kinks: Could probably consider this some voyeurism, mastrubation, oral (both ways), little bit of orgasm denial, little bit of choking, mastrubation instructions for females. Words: 6000

“This was your place right?” The car slowly comes to a stop in front of your house, right between two streetlights. They dimly light up the inside of his car making it easier to see him as he turns his head to look at you, one hand still on the wheel. You couldn’t help but notice the other was placed on his upper leg, leading your eyes to his obviously thick thighs. 

“Yeah, this is still the place! Thanks again, Kuroo.” You quickly look up at his face again while smiling. Even in this light you can see his bright, cat like eyes watching your every move with slight amusement. It made the hairs on the back of your neck stand but you don’t want to make that apparent. You know that showing any sign of weakness would just make his teasing even worse.

He hums and nods his head, unbuckling his belt in one smooth move as he left his own car. You mimic him, climbing out from the warm car and out into the chilly evening air. Leaning back in, you grab your jacket before slamming the door closed. On the other side of the car, Kuroo is rummaging through his backseat, soon emerging with the giant cat plushie he had managed to win you earlier in the evening. You giggle while watching the grin on his face, still surprised by the comical size of the thing. Putting on your jacket while walking, you approach him and are about to take it out of his arms so you could carry it home by yourself. But before you could grab it, he moves it further away from you.

“Eh? You know, I’m not sure I’m ready to leave this guy with you…” He looks at the kitty plushie with a clearly fake sadness, hugging it closer to him. You just cross your arms over your chest and stare at him, a small smile tugging at your lips. Looking back at you, you see him melting a little. “Lemme walk you two to the door at least. So I can say goodbye to him properly.” 

As much as you had rolled your eyes at him, you happily have him follow you to the door. He radiates warmth despite having ditched his leather jacket in the car so you couldn’t help but drift closer to him. Absorbing his warmth before he could leave for today. This had been your third date with the man and each time it was over, you had missed him just a little more. This time had been especially fun since you hung out at the amusement park until just minutes before closing. The plushie had just been the cherry on top of a great day with an amazing guy.

“Well this is it.” You walk up to your door, fishing for your keys in your pocket. Before unlocking it though, you turn on your heel to face him, intending on grabbing Mr. Kitty. He comes strolling up to you, taking his sweet time and not so subtly soaking in your figure all the while. When he comes face to face with you you’re forced to tilt your head back a little so you could get a clear look at him. 

“I guess so.” He does his signature smirk while handing you the oversized plushie, watching you lean back before getting a good grip on it. With two hands now freed, he places one on your hip softly and slowly, keeping an eye on you in case you don’t accept his advances. You don’t shy away from his touch, having gotten used to his hands innocently touching your body throughout the day. What makes you surprised is when he brings his other hand up to cup your cheek. You feel yourself do a sharp inhale, staring into his half lidded eyes. But as he leans in, you do the same, closing your eyes.

The kiss is soft and lasts only a second before he pulls away again. Though it was quick, your whole belly was filled with butterflies fluttering around like crazy. You don’t realize you’re giving him big doe eyes until he has to cover his mouth with the side of his fist to contain a laugh. That’s when you snap out of your awed daze and lightly slap his chest.

“Sorry, sorry. You just looked so cute like that.” He has a shit eating grin while he speaks but does take a small step away from you. “I’ll text you later though so don’t ignore me. Oh and I’ll miss you.” You’re about to start blushing again at his last words until he softly grabs the back of your plushies head and kisses it's forehead. You let out an offended gasp until he laughs and does the same action to you. 

“There we go. Now you can leave.” You give him a teasing grin and he just softly shakes his head, turning to leave you. But not before he gives you a small wave, placing his other hand in his pocket. You watch him walk towards his black car, his silhouette lit up by the car's lights when he unlocks it. Even from this distance you can hear his cheery whistling. Satisfied, you turn around and finally unlock your door.

As soon as your foot hits the floor inside your home, you feel your shoulders relax and you let out a breath. As if in a trance you take off your shoes and jacket, throwing your handbag to the hallway floor with no need for it anymore. Carrying your new plushie with you, you move into your living room and throw it on the couch, your own body following soon after in the darkness. 

You cuddle up to your new found friend, his size perfect to lean on. And having been carried around by Kuroo since he won it, his scent had been rubbed off onto it. That simple fact made you smile like an idiot. You reminded yourself that you had your friend to thank for this since she had been the one to set you two up the first time. So while you move to pull up your phone, you took the time to light one of the floor lamps next to the couch and turn on the TV to fill the silence in the room. And then you sitt there, phone in hand, ready to tell your closest friends about the day you had just had.

You can barely believe your eyes as you read through the screenshot. While you had seen people sharing their onlyfans link you didn’t think anyone you knew would have one. But you shouldn’t judge it too quickly, you knew onlyfans advertised to a wide variety of people, one of them being professional trainers. Kuroo talked about his love for training… so maybe?

Now that your curiosity has been piqued you couldn’t just let it go. Sitting up properly, you type the link into your phone. Onlyfans.com/… domkuroo… That training theory didn’t sound as likely anymore. But you continue, met with the login screen. You go ahead and download the app and create your account, heart in your throat. You only pause when his subscription page popped up, your whole face lighting up by your bright screen.

$15 per month.

It wasn’t a meekly sum but was it worth it to realize what was going? Of course it was. 

Minutes later you’re allowed onto his page and you can physically feel the blood rush to your face. He certainly wasn’t a professional trainer even though you can clearly see he got the body of one. Your eyes are drawn to his profile picture even though it lacks his face. A slanted shot with just his abdomen shown thanks to him raising his black t-shirt. You can see a hint of a grin peeking out from the edge of the picture. Simple but effective. His banner was in similar spirit, three pictures of him shirtless next to each other. Two from the front and one showing off his defined back muscles, all of them with teasing or joking facial expressions. Your eyes were roaming over his pictures, eyes wide open. Three dates and you hadn’t even seen a peek of these swatches of skin but now you kinda felt like you couldn’t wait for it. 

Your phone had already buzzed a couple times, your friends messages popping up as notifications above your screen but you don’t pay them any mind. Already too absorbed in the new found treasure chest of content from one of the hottest men you’ve ever met.

Shifting in your seat, you use a shaky finger to scroll down to the first post. The content was similar to the first pictures you’d seen. Him, shirtless, in what looks to be his bathroom mirror, doing a peace sign and sticking out his tongue. The caption simply read “Don’t wanna go to class tomorrow but alas. But you guys can have a little something before I go to bed early”. Cute…

The small smile that adorns your face fell quickly when you scrolled onto the next post. Another picture but this time he wasn’t using it to show off his abs. Instead you came face to face with his bulge as it pushed against his pants, the same pants he had worn just earlier today. He used his hand to accentuate it, letting it tent between his fingers. You couldn’t help but stare, not just at the bulge but his hands. You had never gotten such a good look at them before, the long fingers with their prominent knuckles and the veins which softly protruded from his skin. You remember how they had felt against your cheek but now you imagined how they’d feel dragging across other parts of your skin. How his softly calloused hand would feel gripping your thigh, slowly and gently dragging further up and inwards… How they’d push down on your hips while his damned teasing tongue was put to better wor—

You caught your own mind wandering and how you had unconsciously pressed your thighs together in anticipation which would ultimately lead nowhere. You lick your dry lips and take a deep breath before looking at the caption. 

“Hate when this happens, any cute kitten willing to help out?” 

It was aloof, casual even. It was infuriating in the best way. You could see the amount of people who had left comments and just shook your head. You had been afraid you’d get discouraged by the whole thing, the thought of Kuroo sharing more than just… his face… had you worried. But now you just felt a sense of pride welling up in you. The way he treats you was much more intimate so there was no doubt in your mind that this little side business wouldn’t have an impact on your romantic relationship. But that also meant that you don’t have a problem enjoying this side of him as well. 

With this newfound confidence you scroll down even further, the sound of the tv just a white noise by now. It was a new format on your screen, a video. It was like a new step, a new hurdle to cross. But unlike earlier, you aren’t as hesitant. Throwing your phone on your couch, face up as you scramble to find a pair of headphones. Luckily it was just to reach over to your table, a pair of flimsy earphones haphazardly laid there. Plugging them in and putting them on, you sit down on your couch again, pulling your plushie closer as you pressed the play button, your teeth chewing softly on your lower lip.

Immersed in the video, you first heard Kuroo’s soft breathing against your ears. The camera was clumsily adjusted until his whole face was in view and he smiled, seemingly looking so it recorded properly. When he had assured himself of that, he laughed quietly and posed, letting his tongue slip past two fingers in a suggestive manner, giving the camera a wink. Your cheeks heat up again at his teasing mannerisms. 

The camera shook a little and suddenly the view switch and you almost gasp. You should’ve suspected it yet when you were face to face with his cock, it still surprised you. In the background you could see glimpses of his laptop, set up with a paused video of it of what must’ve helped him get ready. But you don’t really pay it any mind, much more focused on the center of the screen. His dick was lean and rather big, that’s your guess anyways, based on what could be seen. A vein or two decorated the shaft and a neat tuft of hair was at its base. His hand finally appeared, wasting no time in grasping his own dick. And as his thumb swiped over the tip he let out a shuddering sigh which made you tense up. 

“I remember how much you cuties liked that last video… So I’ll try to remember to talk more.” His voice filled your ears, a light growl in his voice thanks to how quietly he was speaking. “Since my voice obviously made you so horny.” It went down another octave when he spoke this time and he spoke even closer to the mic. He started to get into it, slowly jerking himself off with a steady hand. You couldn’t possibly break away from watching him now, you were too invested at this point. Your own hand had even moved down your bare thigh.

“Hah… Now if you’re gonna jerk someone off like this… Start slow. No— mgh… No stress.” —he moved his thumb over the head, you could clearly hear his voice catch in his throat— “but when you’re alone like this, it’s hard not to get impatient.” The chuckle he had started with unraveled into a throaty groan as he started to speed up his own movements. Pulling on his own member, his breathing sped up and droplets of pre-cum was forming on the tip.

“I’m not going to try and… pull something fancy this time… fuck… Sometimes just a good ol’ handy is enough, you know?” The fact that he could still joke under all this made you kinda impressed. You knew yourself that had you been in a similar position, you wouldn’t be able to make any sense. If he had you against a wall, his fingers playing with your clit as he towered over you. His other hand holding onto your wrists to force you to rely on him for pleasure. No matter how many times he’d ask what you wanted from him, you doubt you would be able to give him a reply that would satisfy. “You’d look so pretty, you know?”

Kuroo’s voice brought you back to reality and back to the video. 

“I would’ve loved to have you here, your cute… pink lips… wrapped around my cock. You’d eagerly suck it, wouldn’t you? Kitten? Ah fuck—” he slowed himself down to a crawl again. His breathing had developed into panting to the point where you could see his abdomen rising and falling. And just below the skin you could see his muscles tens and relax, trying to prolong the inevitable end. He shuddered before speaking again. “Your eyes would just beg me to fuck your face. Ask me to destroy you, use you for my own pleasures. ‘Cus you know I’d happily do the same in return.” 

He picked up his own pace again and you had unconsciously let your hand move to the button on your shorts, playing with it.

“But right now I’d love nothing more than to thread my fingers through your hair and grab it. Hold you right there as I buck my hips into that filthy fucking mouth of yours. Just imagining the sounds are getting me so… fucking close…” The way he said it went straight to your core. He was rambling and it was obvious he was going to cum any second now. You couldn’t help but hold your breath. “You’d be such a good girl and just take it—” With a sudden gasp you saw cum start to shoot from his cock but it only lasted a second until he turned the camera again. 

He had thrown his head back, the camera shaking slightly from his orgasm. His back had clearly arched off whatever he was sitting on and sweat had formed on his exposed chest and collarbone. You could even see how he jerked and twitched as his orgasm overtook him. The scene was almost hotter than the whole process of getting to it. But it didn’t last nearly as long as you had hoped it would. Catching his breath, he let his head fall to the side with a lazy, smug grin. He looked into the camera with half lidded eyes. And then the video ended.

You could barely stand this anymore. What began as a curious look into a side of a date you had never seen is ending up making you more horny than you have been in a long time. Yet you knew you couldn’t stop now just as much as you know you need to take care of yourself.

Thinking it over for just a moment, you decide that it was worth the embarrassment of facing him again after this. You turn off your phone and place it besides you on the couch before jumping up from the couch. It takes you mere seconds to pull off your top and shorts, you even take off your bra for good measure. The soft light from the lamp bounces off your skin and the sudden chill from the loss of clothes makes goosebumps appear up your thighs and arms. But your blood rush soon catches up to you and you feel comfortably warm when you sit back down on your couch. You grab your phone and in one swift motion you throw up your feet on the plush seat next to you. You positioned your gigantic cat to act as a backrest. A pleasant surprise in reaction to this was how Kuroo’s intoxicating smell now enveloped you even further. 

You push your knees together while turning on your phone again, this time fully aware of what to expect when you put in your earphones again. And you aren’t disappointed when you scroll down further, past a couple more pictures in similar fashion to the earlier content. You only stop when you see another play button on your screen. You look at the caption.

“This little thing has been highly requested so since I got some time over and I’m in dire need to release some steam I thought why not? ft. my favorite toy” Well now you have to play it.

“So here’s a little treat for all you lovely ladies.” The video started with a shot of his face and parts of his, once again, bare upper body. He was sitting in the same seat as last time, leaning back and resting his cheek on his fist. “I’ll be honest and say that is the first time I’ve instructed anyone on how to touch themsleves— Mh, wait no,”—he smiled to himself—”it’s the first time I’ve planned out the instructions ahead of time. So if you aren’t satisfied with this video, you’re very welcome to come up with a fitting punishment down in the comments. Sounds fair? ...Good. With that out of the way…” 

“Let’s play.”

Your heart catches in your throat, the daring tone in his voice making you fidgety. But it caught your attention and you were just about ready to do anything this man told you to do, as long as he did it in that deep voice of his. The screen changes and this time he was wearing a pair of black dress pants and his bright red underwear was peeking out from underneath. While restricted, you could still see that he was hard underneath the layers.

“Now I hope you’re prepared yourself, babygirl, because I’m not going to be waiting for you to get undressed. You should know what you were going to end up doing if you’re listening to me right now. So lay back… and spread your legs for me.” You sink down even further in your seat, almost laying down while letting your legs fall open without any resistance. One of your legs hit the couch back but it doesn’t bother you, you know you still have full access to everything you need. He shifted his legs a little, spreading them even more. While doing so, he managed to unbutton his pants and slowly pull the zipper down.

“Good girl. Now use one of your hands and just let it slowly move down your soft belly.” You obediently do as you are told, watching him as he hooked his thumb in his underwear. He probably knew anyone watching would be anticipating this moment so he made sure to take his sweet time pulling them down. You even caught yourself licking your lower lip without thinking when you finally saw the swollen head of his cock. It is almost embarrassing how much he affects you but you are shameless right now. And as his whole length sprung free, bouncing up thanks to it's new found freedom, your eyes follow it. But you aren’t the only one affected by this move, Kuroo groaned quietly when the fabric rubbed against his crotch. He didn’t care enough to take off his garments and instead pulled them down just enough for them to get out of the way. 

“When you get to your sweet spot I want you to just lightly tease your slit with one finger. Don’t press too hard or you’re gonna ruin the whole fun here. And we’re here to have fun aren’t we?” The smile on his face could be heard through his voice. He reached his hand somewhere off screen and when it came back in frame, you could see something liquid and shiny on his fingers. It became obvious what it was when he carefully smeared it over his shaft. He took a sharp intake of air through his teeth before relaxing and letting it out again. “Ah crap… So cold… You girls have it way easier, you get so damn wet on your own.” 

“Speaking of wet, why don’t you finally dip a finger into yourself? And maybe even a second one. Rub them on either side of your clit and that little hole of yours. Don’t touch them though, got it?”—he pauses for a second—”It’s almost funny how quickly you melt for me. How easily you’re following my instructions.” He was calling you out. But you couldn’t help but do as he said, your fingers slipping under your underwear almost too easily. He had begun slowly stroking his own dick in a steady pace while he was talking, once in a while teasing the head like he had done in the earlier video.

“It’s so cute… I love when you listen to me like this. When you trust me enough to let me do this to you. It makes me want to push you down a little, see how much you can take. How much you’ll let me use and abuse you. So rub your clit for me, kitten. Slow circles. Don’t get impatient, I’m not there to stop you today. But maybe that’s good, I could probably keep you in that limbo until you’re crying and begging me to fuck you.” The chuckle he made after was tethering on being evil, as if the thought of your desperate cries was amusing to him. It was kinda hot. 

The comment bounces around in your head, the thought of him pushing you to the edge like that. Maybe he’d do it in the back of his car, the one he took you home in. Parked just outside your house after a date, you two would be crammed into the back. He lifted your legs over his shoulders, the blood rushing to your head from the angle he was holding them up at. Your hands were pushing against the door from the inside, stuck staring at him as he ate you out. Slowly and calculating. He was taking his sweet time with you, his tongue gently circling your bundle of nerves. He was doing it hard enough to make your hips twitch and your mouth whine but not enough to rile you up further than that. If you were starting to zone out too far he’d introduce his fingers to you again. Pushing two inside with ease and fucking you with them until you were raising your hips even further and about to cum. Then he’d pull away fully, leaving you to fall from your high in the matter of seconds. All because he wanted you to watch him properly as he made it all start over again. 

“Rub faster now. I want to see you unravel before me... Now I should probably tell you that I expect that you wait for my permission to cum. It’s important that you do so or I’ll end up having to make a punishment video for you as well. Or maybe that’s more your style.” He could barely even laugh at his own comments anymore. He had been increasing his own pace along with you and the heavy breathing had just kicked into full effect. “Maybe you’re the type to smile while I tie you up. Get excited at the thought of cum denial and pain. At being gagged and fucked raw until you’re sore.”

He spent another moment just jerking off, letting you take care of yourself. All the while he was letting out quiet groans and pleasured sighs which were all clearly picked up by his microphone. 

“And stop.” —He quite suddenly, and almost hesitantly, let go of his own cock— “I told you not to get impatient didn’t I? Now take a deep breath and let’s try that again.” You mindlessly followed, removing your hand from your pussy, a trail of your own wetness connecting your fingers to your pussy lips. But you aren’t happy, you may have listened but you frown at his sudden demand. 

While you were busy pouting, he had reached over to somewhere off screen again. Once you had gotten over your own annoyance you realize what he was holding when his hand came back into frame. You haven’t seen any in real life but you knew what the toy he had mentioned in his caption was now. A translucent pocket pussy. The obscene nature of it would make you blush if you weren't already burning up. 

“Let’s finish this, eh?”—he cleared his throat before speaking again—”Take a finger and slowly start fucking yourself with it. Use two if one doesn’t suffice. And well if you have a dildo, I’m sure you know what to do with it. Oh but please... don’t imagine it’s me fucking you.” The sarcasm dripping from his voice would’ve annoyed you if you weren’t in the position you were in now. Because right now, you would love nothing more than for him to fuck your brains out. But like he told you to, you can only do it slowly for now. He seemed to keep that in mind as well when he pushed his dick into the toy, slowly letting it take him to the hilt.

“Because I’m certainly not imagining that this is you right now. Slowly pushing yourself down onto my cock, moaning like a bitch in heat. And then back up again just to let yourself  slide back down. Over… and over… getting faster each time. Hah...I’d help you of course, I’d grab your ass and set the pace.” He was quickening his own pace in time with his talking and you followed suit without being instructed to do so. You are getting too invested in the fantasy, his words turning into vivid images in your head.

You could almost feel his dick pounding into you, filling you. And how his big hands fit on your hips. You could remember how it felt when he did so earlier while he kissed you. But the kiss you were imagining now was much more sinful. Tongues intertwined in open mouth kisses, only broken by your own moans. The sound of skin hitting skin was clear in your head, the pacing matching your own fingers thrust. He wasn’t soft or careful like he had been with you during the day, behind closed doors he was rough and raw. No longer afraid to leave marks of his fingers on your hips or a red handprint on your ass. It exhilarated you, how calculated yet reckless each move he made on you was. 

“Fuck yourself, just like you— F-fuck… like you think I’d fuck you. And now a little faster than that, I don’t think you really understand just how badly I need you right now, kitten.” You can barely even think for yourself anymore, you don’t need to. You have a faraway look in your eyes while staring at the screen, watching him pump himself with the toy. Strings of lube connecting his skin and the silicone together with each thrust, the sound perfectly mimicking that of skin against skin. Even the clothes he had pulled down didn’t go unstained, making the scene even more pornographic. 

His erratic thrusts were a clear indication of how close he was getting again. The grip on his toy was growing tighter too and you wish you could feel how desperate he was. He would grab a fistful of your hair close to your scalp and pull, forcing your head back and breaking your open mouthed kisses. His need to claim you as his too great, manifesting in the licks and bites he made along your neck and collarbone. The sweet pain of creating a hickey mixed with his powerful thrusts into you was overwhelming.

“I’m s-so close…” You told him in your head, your hands mentally grabbing at his shoulders to keep yourself steady. 

“I… Hah… mgh-!..I know you’re getting there, babygirl. Let me count you down… I don’t care how you fucking do it, but I need you to cum on 5. Can you do that for me?” He asked and you nodded vigorously, your back arching off the couch. You didn’t care that he couldn’t hear you, you replied like a good girl should. “G-good.”

“5”

You closed your eyes, too overwhelmed by his, or rather your own, actions. But in your mind he was counting you down, a dangerous grin on his face when he looked up at you above him. He had purposely slowed himself down to make sure you could last the whole time without cumming. 

“4”

He let go of your hair, instead moving his hand to hold it around your throat loosely. Meeting his eyes it was as if they were glowing in the low light, watching your rapidly rising and falling chest. His other hand was firmly placed on your hip, helping you bounce on his dick. Your hands holding his shoulders were grabbing on harder.

“3”

The number left his lips and he started to speed up your movements, the wet slapping sound getting louder. Your moaning was starting to match those you hear in pornos, sweet and needy. His own voice sounds strained when he speaks again.

“2, you’re doing so well, pretty girl”

There was a small smile on your lips at his words but it was interrupted by his thumb pressing down on your clit. It started rubbing the nerves frantically, no longer concerned by how long you were supposed to last. He trusted that you could hold yourself. 

“1”

You were chasing your release, eagerly fucking yourself on his dick. He sped up his thumb as it was working on you while he happily watched yourself lose your mind thanks to purely his voice and your own need to please him. 

“Fuck! Cum for me—!”

You can’t see him cum, but you swear you can feel it. And as you do, your own orgasm comes washing over you like a tidal wave, hitting your hard and fast. Your whole body tensed up and you pushed your thighs together, curling up instinctively. The whole room was warm and your panting mixed in with the murmurs of the people on the TV. You rubbed your clit slowly, riding out your own high in a daze, lips parted while you twitch. 

Kuroo’s heavy breathing finally registers in your brain and you focus on the video again. He had flipped the camera to his face again and you were glad he did. He looked pretty fucked up himself, a similarly dazed look in his eyes while he recouped. But when he wetted his own lips, he seemed to regain control and energy enough to laugh at himself.

“Ho-o-oly crap, well that wasn’t too bad. I wasn’t sure how much I would enjoy that but I’m not gonna lie, that was really good.” —he stretched his neck muscles, tilting his head from side to side—”I’m gonna need to go lie down a bit and drink some water… You do the same, stay hydrated. And uh, right, comment underneath if you enjoyed this or if I need to make a… punishment video. But anyways, I’ll catch you guys later. Heh..” 

With a final smile, the video ends and you are left alone in your home. But you don’t feel alone, you are honestly still exhilarated. Maybe it was because you just came but maybe it was because you now had a hint of what to expect if you and Kuroo got serious and you loved it. The fact that you so easily obeyed everything a guy who didn’t even know you were watching said to you was a sign of the confidence he had with every command he told you to follow. And you loved that about him.

But what now? You knew of this side of him, should you bring it up? Or act like nothing had happened, as hard as that would be.

You let the thought simmer in your head as you get up, grabbing your clothes from the floor on the way to clean yourself up in the bathroom. You make quick work of it, tired from the whole experience. But as you splash some water in your face, you hear a notification go off on your phone. Curious, you look at the locked screen.

“Onlyfans: Domkuroo just posted something! Be the first to check it out!”

Your stomach does a flip as you read the banner and without thinking, you unlock your phone to check the new post.

Another picture post, this time he was in his car. The lights were turned on in it which lit up the photo, giving it a yellow tint. It was of his crotch, the zipper of his black pants pulled down and his white boxer briefs were clearly tented and pushing against the fabric. It couldn’t be anything other than a hard on being displayed. 

It made your breath catch in your throat as you realize the implications of the post. Your suspicions were confirmed once you read the caption.

“I blame her and her soft lips for this. Can’t get it outta my head.”

You can’t ignore this. It took you mere seconds to find his number in your phone and while still riding your confidence high, you call him. It beeps twice before you hear him pick up.

“Hey, y/n. Isn’t it a bit late, what’s up?” His voice was breathy and a little quiet, it reminds you of the way he sounds in his videos. Maybe you interrupted him while he was—? No… But the thought makes you blush.

You had to take a deep breath before you responded to him, going over what you wanted to say once more in your head before speaking.

“I’ll happily take the blame for your situation, Kuroo.” You feigned confidence but your heart feels like it was going to beat out your chest. Now he just needs to understand what you meant, but you doubted you had to worry.

“Huh—? Oh.”—His voice went down an octave when he spoke again—”Oh, is that so? Well why don’t I come pick you up again so you can take responsibility for this, kitten?” Despite how teasing he sounds, you can see a grin form on your own face in the mirror at the suggestion.

“Pick me up in 30.”

“Got it.”

[waywardwrestlewritingwaif]

Raise the Stakes, part 14

Aaaaaaannnnnnd we're done! I literally decided on this ending today and I'm posting it before I start to get THE DOUBTS. I hope you enjoy it and thank you so, so, so much to everyone who's liked/ commented/ messaged along the way.

There's mention in here of an interview that did actually happen a couple of days ago and what's included is pretty much what I've read online. That said, I've embellished some for the purpose of the story, so I'm not claiming to know anything.

Previous sections are on the Master List.

Pairing: David Finlay x OFC x Jay White

Word count: 2,767

Content advisory: other than the usual language, nothing really. Should I be cautioning people about angstiness? Because there's angst.

Thought you should see this.

The toneless message with its link is ruining your day. You can’t stop looking at it, but you don’t want to open the link again because you don’t want David to see it. Not that you have any reason to feel guilty. If anything, he’s the one who has some explaining to do but he also has the biggest match of his life tonight, the one where he can finally put the years of tension and rivalry with Jay behind him. You want to be supportive but you also want some answers.

It can wait, you tell yourself for the hundredth time. You’ll talk about it tomorrow. Or next week. All the time in the world. At least, that’s what you hope.

The whole day, the two of you are together but you have to keep a little bit of distance. Don’t want to get distracted and he has to conserve all the energy he can. Doesn’t stop you from touching each other, of course, but even when you do, it feels like you’re still at a distance. He’s trying not to think about anything except tonight. Or maybe it just looks that way. Maybe he’s thinking about his future beyond tonight, when he moves on. It would be nice to know if he wanted you to move on with him but he’s not letting you in on his plans. Hell, if it were up to him, you wouldn’t even know that there were plans.

You’d expected Jay to have some sort of mocking comments. How come the boyfriend you’re so in love with is giving interviews talking about signing with another company, moving to another state, changing everything about his life, and you don’t know anything about it? How Jay had looked at that interview and immediately known that you weren’t aware of it is beyond you. It’s unnerving sometimes, his ability to figure things out when it comes to you. You suppose it’s one of the reasons he’s always been able to get under your skin and make you do what he wants.

But aside from the initial message, he doesn’t say anything. You think that maybe it was a ploy to see if you’d confront David and start a fight before their match, because that’s exactly the kind of ugly trick Jay loves. When you arrive at the venue, though, you see him getting out of a car at the same time. He doesn’t look scornful, doesn’t shout something insulting, doesn’t strut like a damn peacock in mating season, nothing that you would normally expect from him. He looks straight at you and doesn’t smirk or sneer. On anyone other than Jay White, the look might be interpreted as concern.

Technically, you’re supposed to be there for all the performers but at this point, there’s very little left for you to do. It’s all on them now and if everything turns out to be a garbage fire, it won’t be because of any failings on your part. So you do your rounds to make sure everyone has what they need, knows their cues, gets any questions answered. But you always circle back to where David is and stay for as long as you can before your nerves get the better of you.

And then there’s the one person you should check on, but don’t. You aren’t completely derelict. You check with the people he has around him, you even lower yourself to telling Chris Bey that he can text you if his majesty needs anything. Strangely, you don’t hear anything. You text Jay once to say that you’re available to help. You keep it professional and don’t mention anything about the link he sent earlier, so you’re expecting him to needle you about it, or at least act like you’re useless because you aren’t spending your entire day catering to him. Nothing. You’re almost tempted to go check to make sure he’s not sick because one thing Jay White has never been is one to stay quiet when something is bothering him. Maybe he feels sorry for you, in which case you’d rather he yelled.

You enjoy as much of the show as you can but you spend the last minutes before his match with David, largely quiet, just holding each other’s hands. You walk as far as you can with him and, as his music hits, squeeze his hand extra tight. He turns and gives you a soft, quick kiss before leaning back and doing it again, deeper.

“I love you,” he says, cupping your face in his hand.

“I love you too.”

He sounds like he’s trying to convince himself of something. You sound like you’re calling after a train that’s already left the station.

Against your better judgment, you stay where you are. Jay arrives, already acting his part, hands tapping idly on the belt that, in theory, is the reason they’re fighting. You stare at him waiting for him to acknowledge you but there’s nothing. His music swells and he heads out like you’re not even there.

“Just like old times,” you mutter to yourself.

And still.

You watch from backstage as Jay holds his belt up, grinning and preening like he never had a moment’s doubt. You know him well enough to know that’s not true. He keeps cutting looks back at David as if he’s expecting to have to defend himself again, as if he doesn’t believe that he’s truly vanquished him.

The audience doesn’t share his insecurity, cheering him on like he was the hero and David the villain. He’s obnoxious and self-centred but they love him anyway. It makes you feel a little less stupid for the years you’d spent doing the same.

A couple of assistants help David backstage, holding ice to his neck and making sure he doesn’t collapse on the way to the locker room. He looks angry, sullen, and bitter, but not injured, which is a relief. You turn away from the scene in the ring and follow him back to his dressing room, taking over from the dojo students on ice duty when you get there. You don’t speak. You figure it’s better to let him decide when he’s ready.

You’d love to, of course, because despite the fact that you don’t want to make his night worse, it’s becoming unbearable to keep everything inside.

“Where does it hurt?” you ask quietly, picking up a new cold pack.

“Everywhere,” he mumbles.

You hold the ice against his lower back, remembering the awful hit he’d taken on the ring apron.

“You looked great out there.”

“Didn’t feel so great.” He gives you a little smile. “Onward and upward, right?”

“Or southward?” You don’t even mean to say it out loud because this is absolutely not the time to bring it up and certainly not in this passive aggressive way.

“Southward?” He raises his eyebrows like he doesn’t know what you’re talking about but you can see immediately that he does.

“Nothing, it’s ok.”

He sighs. “What’s southward?”

“Do you need another ice pack?”

“Uh oh, sounds like someone’s been reading the dirt sheets.”

“Just making a joke.” You wish you hadn’t brought this up because now you have to try to cram it back into its hiding space in your brain. And you have to suppress the fact that you’re actually kind of angry.

He watches you, trying to gage your state of mind. “Shouldn’t listen to idle gossip.”

That hits like a slap across the face.

“It’s not gossip, David. You did an interview with Wrestling Observer. If people are speculating or have questions, it’s because of what you said yourself.”

“It’s just talking. I didn’t confirm anything.”

He seems a little proud of this, like he’s very clever for getting people talking about what they don’t know. He doesn’t seem to have an issue with the fact that you’re one of those people.

“It’s all there, though,” you murmur. “Talking about how much you want to work in the States, that you want to try somewhere new, that you’re moving to Florida. You’re going to NXT, right?”

He shrugs and avoids your eyes.

“Were you ever going to tell me about any of this or did you figure I’d be able to piece together where you’d gone from news clippings and Reddit posts?”

“Of course I was going to talk to you. Nothing’s final yet.”

“So you were waiting until you bought a house in Florida and signed a contract with another company? Then what? You’d wake me up one morning and just say ‘bye babe, I’ll be living in another state from now on?’”

“The opportunity came up. This,” he gestures to the two of you, “is still really new. I didn’t want to introduce all these complications.”

“David, I’m not some girl you picked up in a bar. We’ve known each other for years. You’ve talked to me before about your contract renewals. Seems like you could have told me something.”

“I was going to tell you something. When I had a better idea of what I wanted to do.”

“You told a journalist, a ‘dirt sheet’ in your own words, that you’re in the process of moving to Florida. That seems like you have a pretty clear idea.”

“Ok, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean for you to find out. You don’t even read that stuff normally.”

“You’re aware people are talking about this on social media, right?”

He grunts but doesn’t say anything more. It’s infuriating. He looks resentful that he has to explain himself, like he didn’t think this was going to be an issue for you. Finally, he meets your eyes, guilt very clearly evident now.

“I don’t know why I didn’t say anything. I’m an idiot, I could have figured out that you’d see something, or that someone would tell you.”

“It is my job to know stuff like this, all other considerations aside.”

“Believe me, I did not want you getting this from some random dweeb on Twitter.”

“I wish it had been a random dweeb on Twitter.”

He looks surprised and then it’s like part of him collapses when he realizes what you mean.

“Got up this morning to a one line text and a link to the article from our old pal. You know, making sure I’m not out of the loop.”

“Asshole.”

“In this case no. Somehow, you managed to cede the high moral ground to a man whose morals are generally nonexistent.”

“What do you want me to say?”

“Well, this is hardly the ideal moment to have this conversation, but I want to know if and how you see me fitting into this new life you’re going to have.”

He shrugs a little. “How do you want to fit in?”

The realization hits you hard. “You don’t think this is going to last, do you? You didn’t think I was serious.”

“Wanting is a lot easier than having.”

“Maybe for you.”

“No, that’s not what I meant, it’s just that I… You’re right. I didn’t think I needed to consider you. It wasn’t part of my decision-making process.”

“You’ve been setting this up for weeks. All this has come together at the same time you’ve been with me almost every day. If I wasn’t part of your process, that was the decision right there.”

The two of you stare each other down but there seems to be nothing left to say.

Eventually, you rise to your feet and stammer, “I’m just going to… I need to take a walk or something.”

You wander around the place, watching the crew rushing to pack up. Eventually, you find yourself outside, where the ring still stands, bathed in the glow of the safety lights. It seems forlorn in front of the empty seats but there is still a kind of magic about it. That’s what draws people to this business, you suppose, the feeling of magic.

Since no one else is around, you climb up and through the ropes, kicking off your shoes. You’ve been in one before, but always just to set it up or break it down. You’ve never had an in-ring moment. And there’s a reason for that, which is that you can barely wrestle your way out of your winter coat. But as long as you’re here and you need to do something to take your mind off the sensation that your chest is about to rip.

You run, or jog, from one side to the other, bouncing off the ropes as you do, the way you’ve watched dozens of men doing for years. Although you know the “ropes” are actually steel cables with a plastic coating and you’ve handled them before, it surprises you how much it hurts when you hit them too hard. It’s not the worst pain you have right now.

You pick up speed a little and then practice letting yourself “bump”, a fancy way of saying fall flat on your back. Each time, you knock the wind out of yourself a little but you get right back up and continue your running. Finally, you have enough momentum that you’re able to just roll yourself into a somersault, and sure, it’s not the most perfectly executed thing, but you keep your body straight and you pop right back up. Just like a pro.

“Ta-da!” you say to yourself.

That’s when the tears come. It’s not falling to pieces, but the stew of emotions inside you just starts to leak out. What the hell do you do now?

There are some footsteps behind you, echoing a little in the empty arena, and you see a man’s approaching shadow loom behind you, pushing his long hair back from his face as he crouches down. So you’re not startled when a thick pair of arms wraps around you and you feel his face pressed against your neck.

“Come home.”

You give an unhappy laugh. “Home is kind of a weird concept right now, Jay.”

“You’re always home for me. I guess I was hoping you felt the same way.”

You snap your head to look at him, pulling back enough so that you can focus on his eyes. In all the time you’ve known him, you don’t think he’s ever looked as calm as he does in this moment.

“Congratulations on your win.”

“Yeah, I get to be a target for a while longer.”

“Stop pretending you don’t love it.”

“Sure, I love it. It’s nice. There are other things I love more.” He runs his fingers over your cheeks, cleaning away the remains of your tears. “I’m sorry about sending you that story earlier.”

“All the shit you’ve pulled over the years and that’s the thing you apologize for?”

“Oh I meant I’m sorry that I had to be the one to send it. I don’t want you to shoot the messenger or anything.”

“If I haven’t shot you by now, I think you’re safe.”

He laughs and pulls you back against his chest, kissing down your cheek and neck. Then he stands, pulling you right up with him and letting his lips trail over the crown of your head.

“Come on.” he whispers, taking your hand.

“Wait, I need my shoes.”

You dart over to pick them up and he’s right there to help you into them and to lead you through the ropes and down the stairs. That’s when he plants his lips on yours, firmly, so that you can feel it in your knees.

“I need to go get my suitcase inside.”

“Do you always carry everything with you wherever you go?”

“I’m headed straight to the airport from here. Catching a red eye back.”

“Skip it. Leave tomorrow.”

“Just like that?”

“Sure. I have a really nice room.”

“I know you do, I booked it.”

“Always taking care of me, aren’t you?”

“Oh wow, he noticed.”

He kisses you again, a little longer, digging his fingers into your back, and your body melts against him of its own volition.

“I’m not coming back if everything is just going to go back to the way it was, Jay.”

“I didn’t come running after you because you’re good at managing my schedule.”

You give him a sceptical look but you can't entirely keep from smiling.

“Look at me,” he grins, “I’m a god. Any woman would want me and you have me. You should feel like you won the lottery.”

“Yeah,” you drawl, letting him wrap an arm around you as you walk away together, “I won.”