#tw: mention of pet loss

[delilahrosenvold]

[ taylor swift,  female, she/her ] - was that DELILAH ABIGAIL ROSENVOLD i saw walking down the strip? i heard that the TWENTY NINE year old who has been in las vegas for NINE YEARS and works as a/an ANIMAL REHEBLIATOR  has a reputation of being SELFLESS, but also Stubborn. You will more than likely associate them with AN ENDLESS SUNDRESS COLLECTION, A SNAKE WRAPPED AROUND HER ARM  A PAROT ON SHOLDER, HONEY SUCKLE SWEET KISSES welcome to las vegas! [ laura, 25,they/them, cst, none ] (filling the wc of the mother of Nathan’s twins)

THIS IS RUSHED AND DIDN'T CHECK SPELLING OR ANYTHING DON"T COME FOR ME hehe!! super excited to be here! If you wanna plot like this and i'll message you.

basics ♡  

full name: Delilah Abigail Rosenvold

nicknames: Lilah or abby but only family or her closest friends call her that

gender: female

pronouns:;  she/her

occupation: animal rehabilitator

sexual preference: queer

birthdate & age: june 18th, 1994, twenty-nine years old

birthplace: silverton, colorado

currently resides: las vegas, nv

relationships ♡

mother: Margert Rosenvold (dead)

father: John Rosenvold

siblings: 3 brothers all younger

spouse / lover: she's single

exes: tbd

children:  twins

pets: a corn snake named frank and a hamster called ellie but many animals stay in her home

— favorite things ♡

ice cream flavor: mint chocolate chip

food: sushi

time of the day / night: dusk

season: spring

holiday: christmas

animal: horses, beaver and hawks

color: periwinkle

scent: hay fields, fresh cut grass, lilac

musician/band: noah kahan

misc. ♡

education: animal science degree and vet premed

bad habits: biting her cuticles and dressing the twins alike

a cherished item: her mother's locket

random fun fact: doesn't like the term crunchy mom yet she doesn't like giving the twins dyes or letting them any chemicals in their clothes

bio ♡

Deliliah grew up in what would be considered a upper middle class family, her mother stayed home making money from redo peoples closets and reorganizing their life's but she did that so she could be around her kids more. Her father was the main bread winner, he worked in city planning. Which is funny since Delilah's home town only have a population of 690 people and it's not changing anytime soon. Silverton is tiny and up in the mountains and was only Delilah knew until she left. She's a small town girl first. Hell, she owned a horse from ages six to nineteen when sadly she passed away. Not the last time that year Delilah would lose someone close to her. First her horse in an accident then her mother died. Margret was a wonderful mother she doted on her kids and made up for the fact all John did was work and go hunt and drink. He'd rather be in the mountain than with his family most times. This is turn made Delilah close to her mom. Not only was she the eldest but the only girl. So, when her mom get sick around Delilah's sixteenth birthday she did what any daughter would do, she stepped up. She knew her father couldn't or wouldn't handle taking care of her brothers working and taking care of her mom. Instead, the sixteen year old child did. She began to help her mom with house work, cooked food for her bothers, bathed her mom when got to weak. Did it all. Even put off going to school. Delilah didn't go to college until after her mom passed. She was going to stay and take care of her brother's even longer but she was already twenty and lost so much time plus on her death bed her mother told, " go be you". That has stuck with her for a long time. "Go be you" It plays in her head daily when she thinks she doing wrong. Moving away change her relationship with her family. Her father and her where never close but that only worsened when she came to him her fourth year of school and told him she was pregnant. Anger doesn't cover how he reacted. He called her a whole, a slut, told her she'd never be a vet now. But all she heard as he screamed at her was her mom's voice echoing in her mind. "Go be you" That's where she is now four years after she had twins. Being herself. Not being close to her family or at least her dad made her find herself. No she didn't get to finish vet school. Her pregnancy did change that but now she's an animal rehabilitator and works on her own time. Her home is always filled with animals some that will go back into the wild but others that will go to rescues and zoos. Most rewarding job . Just like her mom she gets to be with her kids. Gets to be a good mom. But mostly not taking to her dad took away the pressure of her being the perfect daughter. Being herself has opened her world and shown her while she might have kids with a man but she's mostly gay. Being openly queer is still new for her. The almost thirty year old didn't have her first queer experice until last year. Nathan had the kids and she went out to a club and for the first time had sex with someone who wasn't assigned male at birth. That moment a light went off in her head, "Go be you", she's gay. She might still like men and not regret a second of her life with her girls and their father but she likes women way more than she ever liked men. She knows she does like men still but there is way more to herself. She's calling herself queer now but still exploring and coming to terms with everything it's still so fresh for her. Now she just finds herself trying to live up to her goals and just co parent well and be a good mom.

wanted connections ♡

Best friend- self explanatory

The person she hooked up with at the club

mom friends/parent friends- they can go on play dates

her brothers- love her brothers she might not be close with her dad but maybe it's different with them??

Cousin?? Maybe

secret lover???

someone she's been in love with for a while but she figured it out?? Maybe they don't like her at all? Or maybe it's her best friend?? Maybe they are straight??

Someone she doesn't vibe at all with??

open for any and all!!

[cursedcatpictures]

scientist uncovers rarely photographed deep sea creature

[hannahssimblr]

I spend three hours wandering around the estate looking for Goose. I've checked every front garden, every hedge and flower bed and under every car, looked inside bins and up trees by the time I'm forced to contend with the fact that I haven't confronted the railroad tracks yet. I don't. I never pluck up the courage.

I can’t fathom it, being the one to find him there, sweet Goose with his little kitten paws and soft pewter fur. This thought that I hadn’t even considered until Michelle spat it at me is tormenting me now as I forlornly wander the evening streets, calling out the name that I’m not even sure he knows to answer to yet. 

I stumble upon Jen in a little park we used to drink in when we were fourteen. She’s been out looking too, evidently, but has had enough and is sitting on the ground gazing out over the last russet streaks of sunset over Dublin Bay. 

“Have you given up?” I ask her. Her eyes are clouded with sadness 

“I have a feeling he’s gone, Jude,” she says. I feel a lump forming in my throat. “He mightn’t be. He might come back, you know, cats are known to show up after being away for days, weeks, months even,” this is the sort of bargaining a person who refuses to accept the obvious truth gets too involved with, and the kind I’ve been doing with myself the whole afternoon, thinking that maybe if I imagine Goose’s return with enough conviction I will magic him home again, but Jen, for once does not match my idealism.

“He probably doesn’t know where his home is yet, he’s too new.”

“Yeah,” I shift some loose gravel with the toe of my shoe. “Jen, I feel so awful.”

“I know,” she says, and holds her arms out to me to pull me to the ground and wrap them around me, “It isn’t your fault, it could have happened to any of us.”

“I ruined the entire day with my stupidity.”

“Shh, stop,” gently fingers stroke my hair at the nape of my neck, “you just made a mistake, it’s human.”

“Did I ruin your date?”

She pauses, “It’s okay, I don’t think she realised it was a date, and it's probably for the best.” 

The wind rustles through the trees around the park, and I feel chilled with the knowledge that change is coming. The school year is ending soon and now the future lies unavoidably ahead of me, a path completely untrodden. 

“You’ll find someone else to take to the debs,” I tell Jen, peering at the side of her face as her short crop of chestnut hair is backlit by the sunset. “You should have been the first person to get a date anyway.”

She gives me a half smile, unconvinced, “there are like, four lesbians in our year including me.”

“Out lesbians,” I point out, “You never know.”

“When I go to college it will be better,” she says firmly, “school is just destined to be shit, romantically, I mean.”

“In all ways, I think.”

She just laughs. 

“This stuff is bullshit anyway.”

“What is? Love?”

I rub my arms where goosebumps are rising with the cold. I should have worn a jumper. “Yeah, you’re not missing out on much.”

A silence follows, one that feels deliberate, but I venture into it anyway, “Michelle and I had a bad fight earlier.”

“I heard.”

“Us shouting?”

“Mm.”

“Sorry.” I wipe my nose which is running from the cold with the back of my arm. “It was terrible, we both said awful things.”

She just circles her hand on my knee in a vague gesture of comfort.  

“Sometimes it feels like she’s trying to hurt me, you know what I mean? It’s like she has all of this bad stuff stored up that she wants to, like, unleash. It’s so vicious. It seems like she really wants to dig her nails in and leave a mark on me, and then I get so defensive, like, because talking it out doesn’t work, I have to shout, and I have to be horrible too so that she’ll even react to me.”

“We all say things we regret when we’re upset.”

“Yeah, but it’s so destructive. I come away from it all feeling like shit. Like, this isn't who I am, I’m not a person who fights. At least I don’t want to be. I don’t want to be up there saying these things to her, but I can’t stand there and let her say them to me either.”

“Yeah.”

“And I worry a lot about what things are going to look like after this year is over, like, with college and stuff,” even mentioning it makes my stomach feel tight, “like, um, how she wants us to live together and all.”

“And you’re nervous about that?”

I sigh, “Well, I don’t know, it makes sense to do it, right? She thought we could get a little place near NCAD, and we’ve been looking at houses online, and… I don’t know. The idea of being around her all of the time, like, twenty-four-seven, sharing a bed, eating every meal together, walking to college, it makes me feel claustrophobic, and then I worry that if I feel that way now, how am I going to feel when I’m actually doing it? Surely it’s not supposed to feel so terrible, right?” I prompt her when she doesn’t respond, “Jen? What do you think?”

She pauses for a long moment, toying with the aglets on the end of her boot laces. “I think that you’re asking me for an opinion I’m not prepared to give you.”

“...right.”

“We agreed, I agreed with you both that I’d never talk to one about the other. It’s not fair on me and I don’t want to feel stuck in the middle of it.”

“But-”

“You’re both nice people and I love you both so much, but when you are together you are absolutely horrible. That’s all I want to say.”

I don't know how to respond to that, so I don't, I just sit in bad feelings and wish for the millionth time that my brain was normal enough to make good choices on its own and not beg them from other people.

I sniff again, though this time I’m not sure if it’s just because of the cold. “So, um, the acceptance deadline for those other colleges is coming up.” 

“The foreign ones?”

“Yeah.”

“Are you still going to turn them down?”

“I promised Michelle that I would.” 

Jen’s shoulders slump, all of her does, like someone has let the air out of her, but she just says, “Alright.”

I feel the teeth of my genuine desperation for her opinion, her approval gnawing at me. I just want the sage words of advice she’s withholding from me, “Is it a mistake? Like, if I reject their offers? Would that be the stupidest thing I ever did?”

“I don’t know.”

“I worked hard, you know? I really put everything I had into those applications, I gave them the best that I had and they loved it, they said really nice things about me in the letters, and sometimes, like, I think I’ll die, or something, if I don’t leave Dublin. But then there’s Michelle,” I fist the front of my hair in my hand, “and the things at home, and I don’t know what the right thing is, whether it’s hurting myself or hurting everyone else…”

“Jude,” Jen suddenly grabs hold of my face and forces me to look into her eyes, “you have to do what feels right, okay? I’m not going to tell you what to do. Like, just… you need to fucking search within or whatever.”

“Uh huh. What does that entail?” 

“I dunno!” She lets me go and stands up, brushing dirt from the back of her jeans, “C’mon, it’s cold, we should go home.”

“Uh, I was kind of hoping you’d be able to solve me, actually.”

“No, this time you can solve yourself. C’mon, up!” She presents her hand to me and I let her haul me onto my feet. 

“Ugh, Jen,” I say, feeling myself sinking back into a melancholy hole again, but she links my arms and brusquely walks me toward the playground gates with all the pep of a middle aged Sunday morning power walker. “You know what? I think we could both do with something nice to make us feel better.”

“What do you mean ‘something nice’?

“Like, I dunno, an ice cream or something.”

“What time is it? It must be after nine.”

“Yeah, so? I was thinking of that place with all the weird flavours, do you remember that?”

“Yeah, but it’s all the way in town. Effort.”

“You can drive, can’t you?”

“You want me to drive? Jen I hate driving.”

“I think you’ll do it for me.”

“Why’d you think that?”

She eyes me sideways, “After what you put me through today, hm?”

“That's manipulation.”

“No, it's payback.”

“Fine. I’ll go get the car.”

“Really?”

“Yes! Come on, before I change my mind.”

Beginning // Prev // Next

[m00kieblaylock]

Hey 👋🏻

I have not been on here in I think 18 months-ish. Truthfully, 2023 was the most difficult year of my life. It’s completely surreal to be honest that it all happened, I couldn’t have written it if I tried. I think I’m still in a form of shock. I was in too much pain to write anything or even mindlessly scroll on this app, that has for so long been a comfort for me and where I got support from friends who I met or through joy I got from content etc.

Thing is, I lost my beautiful dog in the April who was my heart and shadow, who was my warmth and safe space. A week later I moved to a rural town which completely changed everything about my daily life. In itself it’s been a massive adjustment and identity and community and comfort is something I’m still figuring out. Then a couple months later my grandfather was diagnosed with cancer. He passed less than three months after. It fucking sucked because I adored him and never got a proper goodbye. It all just happened so quickly.

A few weeks before he died. My other dog, a sweet and beautiful girl who was my boys soulmate went to sleep and joined him. She was a very special girl and I still fucking miss them both. 2023 was basically me getting my heart torn to shreds too many times so close together that it was too much to even believe.

I was the closest to leaving this planet than I’ve ever been before. While it was definitely understandable to struggle with life at that point, it was worse than that. I find it hard to explain but my depression and anxiety were completely untenable for me to even slightly function. I had the darkest times and while I’m proud that I’m still here it’s been a lot. It’s kind of a miracle to think about how bad things got.

I put a lot of hard work into multiple avenues of mental health treatments. I even had an initial round of TMS treatments - something I would definitely consider discussing with anyone who is interested. It’s been completely exhausting. I am taking far longer than I would have ever anticipated to be myself again after the past couple of years and I do get frustrated, but the road is still ahead of me. Recovery isn’t linear or black and white. So here we are.

I am slowly but surely trying to include more positivity in my days, so I really want to come back on here. I deserve that joy again. I need it, in fact.

So, I’m not sure who is still around, who’s read this far or what has changed, but anyone who wants to catch me up on your life or touch base etc - I’m here to enjoy this little space again 💕✨

Molly 🫶🏻

[magicalshopping]

i am coping

[seyvia]

Life update...

I've been going through a tough time after losing a beloved family pet. It was an extremely painful situation, I don't want to talk about it, and I haven't been myself lately. I hope you understand why I've been a bit distant. I don't want to upset anyone, but I felt the need to share what's been going on with me. I'll be okay, but I just need some time to myself.

Spare a moment and spend some time on your fur babies for me🩷

[chloematis]

Hey all, we had to put our kitty Angel to sleep last night and I was wondering if anyone has recommendations for someone that makes glass jewelry out of cremain ashes? Thanks. (´ー`)ﾉﾞ

[mentallyshattered]

This is part 3 of the "What if Yuu didn't want to go back?" Series!

(I, the author of this work, do not consent to this work being crossposted/translated without my knowledge or used to train an AI, ever.)

Masterlist

"Myaah, keep going!"

"Non, chat. You no longer need to be brushed. Vil, how is Yuu's hair coming along?"

Vil sighs. I've noticed he does that a lot. "Not as well as I thought, Rook. Even though the top layer was absurdly thick, the lower layers don't look much better. This is going to take longer than I expected."

I look up and into the mirror in front of me. Vil has cut my hair short, but the process of detangling the remaining mat of hair has caused the detangled hair to be noticeably longer than what's still a total mess. I'd say the hair he's worked through is about 4 inches, just long enough to cover my ears.

"Say, Monseur Mystery, how did you guess Monseur Chat's name?"

"Well..." I hesitate. Even now, the thoughts of his death still hurt. "When I was living in my world, I found a cat. He was my only friend. He was an alley cat, but chubby- not in a concerning or limiting way, just in a cute way- and he was grey with a large patch of white fur on his front, and his tail faded into black at the end, and... he had polydactly. I think that's what it's called, at least. Do you guys know what that is?"

"Nope!" Grim's reply is cheerful, like an island of comfort in a sea of mourning.

"Well, it's a condition where your limbs split off into multiple limbs. So, a two-tipped finger or extra toe or something. Well, my cat had it on the end of his tail. It looked, " I pause, reaching my hand toward Grim and trying, failing, to hold back tears. "Into three. A trident tail, just like this." I'm holding his tail in my hand now, careful, like he might break just as my voice is doing now. I can hardly speak through the lump in my throat, but I can speak.

"A-and that cat's name was Grim. And he was hit by a car when he was eight, and I've never been the same." I'm crying now, my eyes reduced to floodgates and my voice to a wreck. Vil is hugging me, his arms bringing some sense of safe to me, but that sense of safe pales in comparison to the comfort of holding Grim in my arms. His fur is soft, much softer now that he's been brushed, and Rook has joined the hug.

We stay there, just like that, for what feels like forever. Vil's arms are strong around me, as are Rook's, and I'm holding Grim again, and I don't want to lose him again. I can't. I barely survived the first time; I can't survive a second. The guilt would kill me.

"I guessed his name, too. I didn't know how. It just felt right. But... Yuu, you kind of remind me of someone. Another human. He fed me in my dreams, and his name was Yuu, and we were great friends, but one day he just stopped showing up. I never saw him again." Grim's previously sad face brightens a little, like a tea candle with just enough air to burn. "You look a lot like him, but older. Maybe... maybe he was you."

The tears come back. I let them. This time, they're happy tears, and Grim is crying them, too. Vil allows a few more minutes to pass, just like that, before he lets go and resumes his task of unmatting the other half of my hair. Rook pulls away, too, and waves his magic pen.

A tape measure, like you see tailors using in movies, appears in the air in front of him for him to wrap around my waist with skillful hands. Soon, he's removed the tape measure from my waist in favor of wraping it around my chest, and then my arms, and then Vil tells him off for doing something unnecessary.

I laugh. "Say, Monseur Mystery, have you tried to use magic since you arrived?"

I ponder. "Not really."

Rook chuckles. "Facinating."

"Are you okay with others being let into the room, Yuu?" Vil's voice is soft and soothing. I'm a little jealous, but who cares?

"Go right ahead." The lump in my throat is gone now that Grim is purring happily in my arms, just enjoying the sensation of being pet. Rook leaves the room- still holding his tape measure, I notice- and the door shuts behind him. Surprisingly, I don't hear his footsteps as he walks away, even before the door is closed and blocking my view.

Less than a minute later, the door opens again, revealing Rook, Korrak, and Korrak's familiar, whose name I do not yet know. Rook waves his pen, cleaning the cat brush with magic, and starts brushing the strange oppossum as he brushed Grim.

"Hey, what's your name? I'm Grim!"

"Call me Mandible."

Well, I guess I have a name to go with both of my roommates now. Unlike Grim, Mandible needs only a few minutes of brushing before his fur is even and soft, at which point Rook measures him, waves his pen, and voilá: five small stacks of clothing appear on the counter.

"What are those?" Mandible is already poking at the piles by the time he thinks to ask. I wasn't expecting Mandible to be more talkative than Korrak, but I guess Grim and I are no better.

"Uniforms! The white one is a lab coat for alchemy, the violet one is a dorm uniform, the one next to the lab coat is a PE uniform, the one next to the dorm uniform is a school uniform, and the one in between the dorm clothes and lab coat are some ceremonial robes. All are sized exactly for Monseur Opossum, of course." Rook looks quite proud of himself.

"Myaah, neato! Do I get some?"

"But of course, Monseur Chat! If you'll allow me a moment..." Rook starts measuring Grim just like he did with Mandible, and Vil lets out a triumphant "Hah!"

"Finally conquered my hair?"

"Not entirely, but I'm done with the hard part." With this, Vil pulls out a brush- not a cat brush, just a regular human brush- and starts running it through my hair in a soothing rhythm. Tired from the short day's events, I allow it to lull me to sleep.

[onlytiktoks]

[alienaiver]

mentioned snøfle was sick earlier. the bastard ate a 12cm string while my catsitter was in the bathroom yesterday right before i came home. he has absolutely no symptoms or issues whatsoever but im convinced he wont survive passing it, so i havent slept since saturday night and keeping a constant watchful eye on him; hes eating, drinking, playing and going to the toilet just fine (hasnt made number two since right before he ate the string, so im waiting patiently </3)

we have my friends mom on standby to go to the vet in case he gets complications but ive always been somewhat of a hen parent and im pacing nervously around :( i know im 97% over reacting but i cant bear the thought of losing him while i sleep or am out, so everythings on standby rn. i wanna write but my minds elsewhere but it did help a little to draw earlier but hands do be hurty <3 ill reply to ppl asap but my minds uh. cluttered

[wanderingguest]

just wanted to let those of y'all who've been following me. for a hot minute know that HamilCat crossed the rainbow bridge this afternoon.

he had cancer, but had been doing well. his downturn was sudden. he went fairly quickly and wasn't in pain. I held him while he took his last breaths. I laid him to rest with his favorite blanket. when my finances are back on track, I'm going to get him a paw print marker.

i'm beyond heartbroken. he was my cuddle bug. he followed me everywhere. my room feels a little bit emptier and there's a kitty sized hole in my heart tonight.

remember to give your pets all the snugs.

[swagtastic-bougie-pompadour]

Slight update on the whole ‘I think I’m being haunted by my meowth’ situation, is there a possibility he came back as ghost type or is he just a ghost? I don’t know much about ghosts and ghost type pokémon…

Hm... there's sort of a difference between "ghost types" and "ghosts", far as your friend Clive knows.

Ghost types, paradoxically enough, are still sort of... alive in their own way. Using moves, eating (though unconventionally) to live, et cetera. Plus, some ghost types never "died" in the first place. Your Skeledirge is still alive, pals.

Ghosts simply linger. They don't need anything to sustain their own existence, they just... do! Which is a little freaky, and also a little cool! And as long as they're treated right, most ghosts have a very low chance of actually harming anyone.

So if you meet a ghost, folks, just be polite! Try to scream only a little teensy bit. Unless they're trying to scare you. Then be polite and scream a lot.

...Anyways, uh, your Meowth. I'm thinking "just a ghost"!

[silly-fox-and-its-stuffies]

hi. idk what to say. idk I'd I should be excited or cry and idk how to do both at the same time. I got a new fish. my bf Nick has been helping me process the fact Ollie's dead. not gone. just dead. anyway I don't think I'm okay. I made a playlist for Ollie. The tank may belong to many fish in the future (not all together) and the current one but it will always be Ollie's tank. Its weird. Its like someone living in ur house who looks different than ur old roommate, but kinda similar in a way. And you changed everything around in the room they're staying in and hopefully they like it. and they won't tell you anything abt themself. Idk how to explain it. the new fish is named Atlas. I abt wrote Ollie's name instead by accident. If it weren't for my partners I'd be dead along with Ollie

[the-prettiest-teardrop]

Tw- Vent

k, why can’t i just have an okay life for once? i can’t just have a year where nothing happens. i feel so paralyzed, we had to put down my cat today, and i’m going to a new school where no one knows me. last year i was so badly depressed, year before that i was bullied. my whole life feels like shit, and i love the good parts, but really, i feel like i don’t enjoy a lot anymore except sitting in my room while listening to music. i just feel so burnt out, tired, and just so upset a lot of the time.

[spinoff-antithesis]

kitty picture perhaps?

cracks knuckles. i have a whole gallery that’s a year out of date and you have incredibly perfect timing.

i also cannot add a break on mobile. sorry in advance (not really)

this loaf is luke! he’s my eldest - five years old & i share a birthday with him :) he got yoinked out of a neighbor’s car with his sister by my mom & the neighbor and i found him in the garage a week later bc my mom managed to keep him & leia under wraps and hidden from me for a WEEK. i still don’t know how she did it. he is picky abt cuddling but boy does he love sitting on my fucking ribs. every time. he’s also started cuddling more with me now that i’ve got my weighted blanket out - i think he likes how cool it is. also he only eats out of his food bowl and will sniff my food. most he steals is a lick of mac & cheese. (charm will steal my food if i leave it unattended, for comparison)

this little creature is charm!! she’s uh. a year. i think. maybe two next month?? she was ~6mon when i adopted her from petsmart in may 2022. historically the only cat i have ever paid for. she lost a brain cell with her leg and i love her so badly she was curled up against my chest while i was sitting against my door a while ago and bit my hand while i was petting her so i bit her back (lightly). we are also very lucky to have her bc she almost got adopted before my mom & i showed up and my mom’s car broke down the night we saw her so we had to get her the day i left the country for a study abroad. happy early 21st birthday to me i got a cat. also a little rat and a thief. i love her so badly please stop getting into fights with luke.

this goober is sunset!! there’s lore behind how we got her and the tldr of it is that she may have loosely belonged to someone else but uhhh scratches head no microchip no collar friendly cat running around at late hours free game. (there’s more context it’s just funnier like this). we got her the week before i got my job (early september) & i’ve literally no idea how old she is. had her for a week took her to the vet and got told “yeah shes either 7month or 4yr old. we don’t know.” so she’s ????? years old. also found out she was in fact NOT a boy and definitely a few weeks pregnant when we took her to the vet. my little rarity.

i do not have many pictures of this tiny screamy baby due to the fact it is LITERALLY A FEW HOURS OLD born. somewhere between 2pm-5:30pm oct. 17th 2023. it’s sunset’s baby it’s fucking adorable i can hold it in the literal palm of my hand and i will be training it to be a shoulder cat bc i miss my fucking shoulder cat. so badly. little screamy has no name and we do not know its gender quite yet considering that it is maybe 10-12hr old i also don’t really think it’s that imperative because i’m hoping it also survives its first night and sunset doesn’t accidentally crush it. but its so tiny oh my god (it will be named after some sort of star. probably polaris, dipper, corvus, or orion) it is also an only child as of 2am 10/18/23).

anyway tldr i got 3/5 cats by yoinking them off the street paid for 1 (one) at petsmart and the other was born maybe ten hours ago. so. :) also theyre my babies i will literally spam pictures of them i do not care my personal instagram is mostly cat pictures.

[crush-zombie]

Where I am in life? Things that have happened. The continuing circus of the wild west of my existence. It's a long post ;

I lived in Ontario for three years, from 2018 to 2022, in a couple of places.

The friend I was supposed to move in with, to ease my spiralling depression, backed out at the last moment with threats. The "you're lucky I'm not around or I'd beat your ass" kind of threats, because I refused to give up and let despair engulf me.

I ended up in the basement of a friend of my mother's for a year. For apartment-finding (and legal) reasons I had my sister (and her partner) come as well, and after a year of searching and filling out applications the three of us got kicked out. We stayed in the woods by a highway for a week before getting sent to a homeless shelter.

2 months there was bad. The details probably aren't necessary, but it was dehumanizing.

After that we ended up in one of Canada's "hot spots" for Covid when the pandemic broke out. It took about a month there before my sister's partner started (continuing to) abuse me. My sister didn't care. My illness(es) had been intensifying all throughout those years, but they really hit a fever pitch at this time. I spent a lot of time gasping on the floor.

Along with my illness(es), during all this time I was struggling with suicidal feelings and urges. That's why I moved to Ontario to begin with-- I hoped things would be better there somehow, like a complete idiot ;

After threats from my sister and her partner a friend back in Newfoundland offered me an out. I returned, tail between my legs and my dog, who I dragged through all this chaos, was getting so old he can barely walk. My energy was so, so low and I put just about all of it into caring for him.

About 6 months into living with my friend she unloaded all her issues with me (that I studied like a motherfucker, because I am and always am convinced that I'm the problem in everything)-- that I eat too much, I don't clean the house enough, I'm "disrespectful" (conversely another friend often tells me I'm "too polite"), I "over parent" her daughter (this still confuses me), that she didn't believe I was disabled, that covering for my old, sickly dog was disgusting. I spiralled very hard, and got brought out to the dining room table to be told all the things I should be doing and what I was doing wrong. Immediately afterwards I started planning my suicide. My dearest (internet) friend kept me from death, but in its place I started developing an eating disorder, eating nothing but one meal a day (which sometimes didn't happen) and being nearly bedbound with hunger and exhaustion every day. I started cleaning the house, sweeping, tidying, doing the dishes and folding laundry for the two other adults and one child in the house. No-one complained. I'm convinced everyone in the world would be flattered to have someone bend to their neuroses.

When I forced myself to stop believing I was disabled I lost the language to describe my experiences. I ended up with a counselor in a matter of a week because of my mental state, and he had the unfortunate and arduous job of piecing my shattered mind back together. It's still missing bits... rough in a lot of places.

April of last year, I had to put my dog down. I was spending all my time taking care of him because he couldn't even stand anymore, and the vet really laid it down for me: this was it. So... Even just writing about it puts a lump in my throat and hot tears in my eyes. Grief is hellish agony, maybe the worst I've ever experienced. "I wouldn't be surprised," my counselor said, "you loved that dog more than most people love their own children."

In June I moved again. Currently I'm renting a room with a bunch of dirty 20-something-year-olds who do nothing but smoke weed all day every day and spend 8 AM every morning coughing until they urge, so I roll over and stuff ear plugs in my ears. At least they seem to be good people, and they know to keep their noses out of my business. And $600 for a single room and access to a (disgusting) bathroom, a (disgusting) kitchen and a (disgusting) laundry room with everything included is far, far from the worst I've had. I'm poor, but... it's something, and something isn't nothing.