#tw: mental distress

[martilyongabo]

“The Abyssal King rises to the surface, laying waste to the festival in his search for the Deep One that has hidden itself among the people.

When he finally finds her, long buried memories (or a distressing lack thereof) arise.”

Admittedly, this was written in a fugue state several years ago. I’ve been getting back into EO since the past week to help cope with my thesis, and my friend recently reminded me of this short thing. Rewrote it a few days ago, and now it’s a bit more spiffy.

[rayroseu]

back in the trenches... another book 7 rambles 😭😭

CRYING ABOUT THIS ACTUALLY.... DO YOU KNOW THE IMPLICATION OF THIS.... realistically, one of the first words of babies are referring to their mothers and the last "true parent" that held Silver was his mother, Princess Leia, but here baby Silver called out for his father, and Lilia didnt taught him that😭

Now these words might be calling out to Lilia now, but I'm also thinking since TWST is a world where babies can recall words or songs they heard even when theyre "not concious yet", I was thinking baby Silver heard this word when he was still with Dawn 😭😭😭 Imagine Dawn holding this baby and guiding him to speak his first words like "papa"... and thats like Dawn's last moment with Silver... AAAAA 😭😭😭😭

since this was still infant Silver, I was thinking this memory occured when Silver was adopted by Lilia only a week or months ago 😭✨ so its still possible that baby silver was reacting based on his past (which can potentially be baby Silver is remembering Dawn through Lilia in this scene)

AAAAAAAUAGFJWJFS 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 The fact!!!! The fact that he only took after being his father because he didnt want to deny this baby's affection !!!! LILIAAAAA 😭😭😭😭😭😭

[t-u-i-t-c]

"You actually were alive?"

[aromantisk-fagforening]

Sometimes I randomly remember a dream - or realize something in the back of my mind was a dream as I'm waking up fully - and just go like huh, wait what.

I be having dreams that seem like horror movies (e.g. body horror/gore, note: I don't watch horror films/series), or just random stuff burning (my pencil case once), or just everyone disrespecting me, falling into water (has actually happened irl, like unintentionally, it was fine, but stressful)

[ur-fairy-of-mimicry]

As if the Specialists aren't sleep deprived.

The Specialists are known to be one of the protectors of Magix. To get stronger, they train under the supervision of the Red Fountain authorities. Everyday, they wake up four in the morning to practice and train themselves.

The boys probably wake up four in the morning just to be ready for another day of training, getting prepared under ten minutes in an early morning to spar and drive their wind riders. Heck, they might still be half-asleep or unfocused after they just woke up, still they continue to practice for the realm's sake.

And since we know they do not use any sort of magic, the boys must think quick and strike their opponent quickly. They are still under training of Red Fountain, so some Specialists are struggling to get on track to follow through.

Do not forget they have their own exams and tests, too! Whilst training their physical combat skills and practicing to use the winder rider, the boys still need to keep up for the papers. Who wouldn't be exhausted from all that?

Not only do their train and answer exams, but go in actual missions where their lives are at risk. Some of the things they do are keeping monsters captive, fighting against anomalies, and encountering risky scenarios that may lead to instant death. Even training a dragon is highly hazardous—do one wrong move on the creature and you are suddenly in the afterlife.

Then you remember their ages. They are either sixteen or seventeen years old! A year or two before they become adults. For boys in their late teens, this type of training can still be considered as tough. During the nights, they can possibly encounter awful nightmares or insomnia. It is considered a miracle for the Specialists to have a peaceful slumber, so it becomes unsurprising that they will be tired in the mornings. A cup of hot coffee or tea will keep themselves together.

Despite the possible cons of training in Red Fountain, the authorities still ensure the students are in good shape and they are both physically and mentally well. They all know that it is useless to fight when you are physically fit, yet your mind is slowly falling apart. Saladin keeps reminding himself to be firm yet considerate of his students, especially for his pacifist grandson Helia.

Just a headcanon, but Red Fountain might have a private room where the students who are experiencing panic attacks, immense anxiety, meltdowns, burnouts, and etc. will be comforted. It is like a room for therapy purposes and nobody in that room is judged for how they feel and/or react about a certain event.

Red Fountain must be very good at handling its students; in training, academics, and mental stability. It is rather difficult to control them all at once, but if it's for Magix, they will do everything. Red Fountain keeps a constant reminder that the students are not emotionless robots, but young boys with various feelings and reactions. They also keep in mind that some have neurological and/or mental disorders.

With this, Red Fountain and the Specialists need the respect they deserve from the people. All those sacrifices and trials were worth the battle.

Wow this is possibly my longest post yet. Anyway, salute to all the Specialists! 🫡

[deepdeanvsweston]

Shout out to ME for getting into my dream uni (with first day TODAY!) after surviving a year long menty b where the only reason I didn't off myself was because of mmu. Do you know how embarrassing it is to be thinking 'can't kill myself who else is going to think of Daisy and Lavinia kissing' like at some point you just have to laugh. but it was the one thing that made me consistently happy

All this being said! If the one thing keeping you alive is something you deem silly and small, keep keep keep believing in it

[trashcreatyre]

Lumina is also bugs btw

x

[loveyourlovelysoul]

hypervigilance may originate from in our childhood: we were harshly criticized or gaslighted, punished, rejected (our inner critic never let us or what we do be enough); we couldn't feel able to feel safe, loved and provided (we may feel like our needs are too much and neglect them if others cannot meet them); we lacked physical comfort and connection (we feel unsafe both emotionally and physically, anxious and lonely, often not knowing how to soothe ourself); we had to live under lot of stress (we lived and keep living on survival, always looking out for danger in anything and anyone).

to try and get out of that, we can try and recognize how our hypervigilance manifests (does it have a specific daily pattern or it's triggered by something); understand what our mind and body need to be able to relax so to integrate it into our self care; do whatever makes us ablet to feel safe or create a safe space for us; be patient as we're re-learning how to regulate our long-time distressed nervous system and keep practicing. always ask for help to professionals if you need though

(instagram)

[poop-everyday]

Nothing give more stress and anxiety than a 5 minute conversation with parents

[canichangemyblogname]

When I started therapy, I was actually hung up on the fact that I didn't seem to have ever experienced dysphoria, which is a lie that has its origins in part in the fact I had no fucking clue what dysphoria actually is. I've since found that it's actually kinda hard to explain, and that's why these narratives that dysphoria is when trans people are revulsed by their body and agab, or when they "hate" their past self, persist. It's also why these "trapped in" bodies and "wrong" bodies narratives exist.

Like. I'm in my body. My body is my body. My consciousness isn't in another person's body; it's in my own. And I know myself. I know myself well enough to know that I am not a woman despite society telling me that my bits, pieces, and parts "make" me one. And how else do I explain this to someone with no frame of reference for this? I liken it to "Freaky Friday," despite the fact that's- technically- what it isn't? It’s like having an out-of-body experience. You're looking at your body. You know it's your body. But there's also a disconnect. Something's missing, and something's there that makes no sense.

I also don't think I could ever hate the girl my parents tried to raise or the woman I wanted so desperately to be. That wouldn't be very kind to me. She really tried her damnedest. And she's not "dead" because she's a vital part of my past. I, quite technically, wouldn't be trans if "she" never existed. I'd be a cis man if I was never afab. "Trans" is an important part of my lived reality.

Was I ever a "girl"? A part of me still has no idea. I know I truly believed I was, but the reasons I believed I was weren't healthy.

I held on to a lot of sex-essentialist ideas for a good portion of my youth. Why? It was all that connected me to the identity society and my family was trying to raise me into. When my cousin gifted me a uterus pin with the words "Women's rights" on it, I wore it proudly. It was a very tenuous connection to womanhood, and it was a connection I needed to critically rethink when my mother and grandmother were both diagnosed with cervical cancer (I was 11). I knew that it ran in my family and that, one day, I might need to go through the same surgery they did just to live.

I asked my mom what connected her to womanhood, and she replied: motherhood. I was never, ever going to be a mother, so I returned to the drawing board. I asked my grandmother what connected her to womanhood, and she replied: standing up to violent men and men who denied her and other women the opportunity to work; community. And I realized that I had never been extended the same community my grandmother always had been. Part of the disconnect I felt was due to violence (sexual and not) I had experienced in single-sex, "women's only" spaces. Girls in "girl's only" spaces made it clear that I was not welcome, and, at the time, I didn't understand why they singled me out and picked on me.

Even though my family was trying to raise me as a girl, the society around me saw me as nothing more than a "failed" girl. I was an "unwoman," not "woman enough," for reasons such as what I preferred to wear. But it's not like in marking me as "unwoman," they made me into a man, far from it. They sorted me- on the basis of my queerness- into some other third category. Something of a eunuch.

And it seemed like the only thing I had was some sex-essentialist, cisgender pretense (I absolutely loved the linked blog post as I found it quite striking, even though I was *never* trans-exclusionary, and I never supported those ideas about trans people) to sort of reassure myself that I belonged in society. Every time I usurped or rebelled against our sex/gender norms, I would work to distract myself from how I constructed my body into a binary and thus ignore how being made into a girl was wrong for me. I literally disconnected myself from parts of my internal self & internal thoughts, and I denied myself the opportunity to construct an identity. I was constantly gaslighting myself and consistently engaged in thought-stopping. In part because I was terrified of being "different."

I so desperately wanted to be just like every other girl that I ignored the fact that I likely never was (and that there is no such thing as universal woman/girlhood). With that realization, I could hear the words of my school-yard bullies from years ago, words which, it seems, many trans masc people have heard in their lifetime, "What's wrong? We're all girls here, aren't we? We're all alike."

I've been unable to recognize my own dysphoria because I have spent my whole life purposefully ignoring and distracting myself from those moments of "huh. something's off." I spent some 23 years of my life essentially disassociating from myself (I'm 26 now). I felt detached from my body and detached from the world around me. It felt as if everyone else was moving, but I was floating in place. I disconnected myself from my thoughts and emotions in an attempt to be accepted by a society that finds queerness disgusting.

I literally felt like I was watching my life and body unfold without my consent rather than me unfolding it myself. So, I liken my experience to "Freaky Friday" because that's also what it is.

[tj-crochets]

I’m finally done with all my holiday crafting, so it’s time to impulse make a quilt!

It’s going to be so ridiculously bright and cheerful, I can’t wait to see how it turns out

[ask-gorgonzolatheclown]

Sometimes it sounds like you genuinely didn’t have a good work relationship with your ex-boss…Got anything you wanna do if you ever see ‘em again?

TWs: Violence, Blood, Scopophobia.

" I don't want to do any of those things. "

[evermoredeluxe]

this is very dark and fucked up so im sorry in advance but i used to wish i’d killed myself in high school so that my mom would actually feel bad for the things she’s done. i didnt even want to die i just wanted her to feel bad

i totally get you. this is very pick-me of me, but i’ve dreamed about getting cancer since i was 10 so i could see him suffer with my own eyes before i die lol

[astral-catastrophe]

Anyway it’s so funny to me because if asked, I’d say I’ve got nothing to worry about , but when I think of my current situation happening to anyone else, it makes me sad

[dgct2]

Lu-Fang didn't last long at Quill.

2.08 Aggression

Lu-Fang Shen is the doctor who experimented on the foster children at Barrett House. We learned about that in Season 1. He would pit one against the other ( A + B ) to see if he could get the reaction he wanted. It is why Emily reacts that way to his name.

[luciphe-r]

me two years ago: haha no i dont drink

me now at 17:36: i wish i had a drink in my hand rn