#tw puns

[asl-bros-incorrect-quotes]

Ace: *suddenly busts out laughing*

Sabo: What?

Ace: I noticed all the beets in the garden were dying. So I said to myself: What do we have in our garden? We have a bunch of dead beets.

[the12thnightproject]

Cybirb's releasing another new game!

(A game that lets me romance Darcy? TAKE MY MONEY NOW.)

It’s the first day of your employment as an antique book appraiser, a job you’ve dreamed of for years. On your first assignment, you’re sent out to an estate sale. Intrigued by the gothic mansion, you wander the grounds, and discover, under a pile of andirons, a book. The book looks innocent – though the cover is too worn to read the title. You nearly didn��t open it… but… you did and…

POOF!

When the smoke clears…

Where am I?

You learn that the book you found is a portal to the land of Biblioteca. In this land, the greatest heroes… and villains… of literature are alive. You’re thrilled. Who wouldn’t be? Until you learn, that there are some who want to censor this world… and some who want to burn it all down. Unfortunately for you…

I’m trapped here for three months? What about my new job?

Can you stay here that long without getting involved with the characters?  For if you fall in love, you’ll jeopardize them all....

LIs and Developer's notes below the cut...

[awritersrejections]

via @reblogglelog oiawjefoiaejfawHALP

Is that a fish in your pocket or is uyor penis wrigglinh and writhing frantically in the hopesof returning to the sea

[mari-lair]

cook acquired!

[anniebass]

cozy snoozin'

complimentary fluff ficlet to be read here, or in the snippet below:

To be honest, place was a total fucking dump.

But, the summer days stretched long with swimming and fishing and games and just hanging out by the lake, and the evenings lasted well past midnight, warm and abuzz with cicadas looking for a tryst, not too humid either (Eddie’s hair was a clear tell), so it didn’t really matter that the cabin they rented was a dump. For two nights, it would do. For stumbling into bed after a goodnight joint, it was enough. 

The inside was clad in wood, with dusty sconces on the wall that barely dispersed the darkness, but eh, the dark had its mercies, hid all the little imperfections, cast shadows over eyes that shone a bit too bright after a kiss. But even under that warm gluey light the sunburn stood out, new redness sheathed over the skin; not Steve though, with his good genes he tanned easily, plus sulking by the pool always gave him a headstart.

Most of Eddie’s sunburn was hidden under that dumb lavender t-shirt Steve got at the Indiana State Fair with Robin, after she insisted they’d get identical shirts, let’s be twins, Steve!, choosing about the ugliest design he’s ever seen. Of course, the ugliness delighted Eddie, so much that he stole the t-shirt from him earlier today, acting like a fucking girlfriend or something, rolling his eyes over a lit joint: you weren’t wearing it, Steve, and as enticing as it might be, I can’t be sitting around tits out in nature, mosquitoes would absolutely eat me whole. 

Then he leaned in, adding in a terrible Scottish accent: leavin’ eatin’ me whole to ye, laddie.

rest on ao3 :D

[bamsara]

Thinking about Heket headcanons and Bishops life before Narinder was chained, so some fic au stuff

[raepritewrites]

GUYS IM AT THE DOCTORS AND A NURSE CALLED FOR SOMEONE NAMED "HONEY" AND I VERY NEARLY SAID "YES DEAR?"

[latenightsundayblues]

Fucking love the final flashback montage in saw VI because the way they edited it makes it look like hoffman is pissing directly on an unconscious erickson's bald head

Ive been cry laugghing for five fucking minutes

[scoops-aboy86]

"Steve, I'm troubleshooting something for a campaign and need you do something for me. There's an NPC that has hands exactly the same size as yours and I need to know how many of them it would take to fit around the circumference of my waist.

"Why? There's... a heist. Of... a waist-shaped relic, I'd tell you the name but you wouldn't know it and I don't want to, uh, accidentally jinx any more alternate dimension monsters into existence. Anyway, it's a very heavy object, the character will need to hold it all the way around the middle to lift it and I need to know how many arms to give him. Come on Steve, chop chop, time's a-wastin'!

"No I didn't—Alright, it will get you stop laughing, then yes, the pun was intentional. Jesus H. Christ..."

on a scale of 1 to batshit how wild do you think Eddie gets about the size of Steves hands bc I think his head would be spinning 360 like the girl from the exorcist if they ever meassured hands

[asl-bros-incorrect-quotes]

Sabo: I'm being assaulted.

Ace: What, were you bland or something?

[the12thnightproject]

How do you think nobunaga would like a mc who's just, GLUED to him?

Hi @atinyliliflower

Ok, first I need to step out of my brain, because this is personally my worst nightmare. But I am not Nobunaga, so he might have a different opinion on that.

Still... one of the things that attracts him to the game MC is her independence, so I don't know for how long he's be able to handle a clingy MC. She saved his life, though. Given that, I expect he'd put up with the clinginess until he can teach her to stand on her own two feet and give him a little bit of space.

That said, what initially comes to mind is the following scene:

Nobunaga stops MC in the corridors of Azuchi castle to chat with her when...

THUNK.

"Oops!"

Sploosh.

Translating the above sound effects... Mitsunari, who was carrying a jar of glue (for... reasons), has just tripped, and in the process, dumped the glue all over Nobunaga and MC. He's terribly sorry of course, and it was an accident... but the damage is done.

They are glued together. Nobunaga smiles. "It appears that you're more attached to me than you claim."

MC just rolls her eyes and tries to pull free. Then...

Mitsunari tries to help.

Now all three of them are stuck together.

Of course, one moment later Mitsuhide enters the room, and instead of helping offers his own brand of advice. "MC, I didn't know you were into bondage."

"Can you not?" MC finds this situation embarrassing enough as it is, without Mitsuhide adding his play by play.

"Too late. This whole situation is simply riveting." Mitsuhide puts his hand on his heart. "I'm surprised though that Hideyoshi isn't in this mess as well. He's generally Nobunaga's biggest adherent. Not to worry. I'll stick around until you get this all sorted out."

[lunaryllite]

[mur-art]

Some semi-spicy, Caliyork related shitposting under the cut; inspired by @aceasadhd

Cali: *learns that NY has way more ski resorts than him* “How do you have so many? You barely even have mountains??!?”

NY: “You talkin’ shit about the Adirondacks??Keep talking like that and you’re gonna yourself adironDECKED.”

CA: “I’d prefer to get AdironDICKED.” 😘

NY: “Then you better admit I have nice mountains 🤨”

Just something for the fandom. Please discuss.

[rottmnt-residuum]

Part 6 of Arc II (Part 32)

the elevator music is kokomo btw sksksk

⇇ | ⇽ | index | ⇾ (censored) | ⇾ (gore)

[emmcarstairs]

Okay, is it me or are the bloody fingers/sewing/stiching fingers strangely reminiscent of a red thread of fate??

Not to mention that she's caught in his laso during these scenes.

[hemipenal-system]

werewolves that eat people. oh you wanted to get knotted? sorry lol. your entrails are gonna become outtrails