#tw abusive realtionship

[olsenmyolsen]

On The Inside With Elizabeth Olsen Masterlist

(Female Reader x Elizabeth Olsen)

"Months after being cheated on and working at a coffee shop with no promising future in sight what happens after Y/N agrees to a date with a kind stranger."

The fic is 18+ AND A WIP deals with themes such as alcohol, self-harm, mental and physical abuse, love, death, smut, hospitals, heartbreak... so yeah minors DNI and safe reading everyone.

wattpad A03 Mood boards

Part 1: Content

Part 2: Comedy

Part 3: FaceTime with My Mom (Tonight)

Part 4: How The World Works

Part 5: White Woman's Instagram

Part 6: Unpaid Intern

Part 7: Olsen I

Part 8: Sexting

Part 9: Look Who's Inside Again

Part 10: Problematic

Part 11: 30

Part 12: Don't Wanna Know

Part 13: Shit

Part 14: All Time Low

Part 15: Welcome To The Internet

Part 16: Olsen II

Part 17: That Funny Feeling

Part 18: All Eyes On Me

Part 19: Goodbye

Part 20: Any Day Now

Part 21: Olsen III

Part 22: The Future

Part 23: WTFIGO (What The Fuck Is Going On)

Part 24: 1985

Part 25: Feel Good

Part 26: Three Weeks

Part 27: Arnett

Part 28: Microwave Popcorn

Part 29: Olsen IV

Part 30: Spider (Dates)

Part 31: This Isn't A Joke

Part 32: All Eyes On Me (Live)

Part 33: The Chicken Pt. 1

Part 34: The Chicken Pt. 2

Part 35: Waltz

Part 36: Brand Consultant

Part 37: Looking Back

Part 38: Looking Forward

Part 39: Singer and An Actress

Part 40: An Album, Apologies, and A Movie Premiere

Part 41: Pressed Against The Glass / Making New Friends

Part 42: Dinner with Scarlett, Brunch with Geneva and a Tracklist with Fans

Part 43: The Pressure of Someone Else and Rings

Part 44: Shooting A Music Video, Weed and The Dodgers

Part 45: ???

(Future Chapters NOT Underlinded!)

[brainr0t-landfill]

🌃Mercurial:

Ghoap x male reader

Chapter One/Prologue: Abstain

"I found you, I found the door."

-Mitski, I Want You

(please mind the tags, I don't know how the UK train system works, English isn't my first language apologies for any mistakes <3)

You kiss them goodbye on the doorway, you make sure their jackets are zipped up, you promise to keep the windows locked and to not go out at night, Simon smiles, his eyes crinkling above the surgical mask.

"Gonna be good for us, hare? Sure hope so."

It's half joking, half threatening and desperately hopeful.You focus on the spot between his eyes as you nod, stomach twisting into knots and hands sweating.

You press your ear to the metal door and listen to their footsteps fading away then you rush to the balcony and watch the black, truck you repainted last month go down the road, through the U turn and disappear, your knuckles white against the railings your forearms stiff, eyes so wide and unlinking untill they water and force you to blink. You're scared that any moment now the other shoe will drop, they'll turn the car around and John will ask you if you really took them for such fools as Simon rumages through drawers and wardrobes laying every bit of your pitifull escape plan on the floor, like a wolf gutting a hare. Then you'll be driven back to the lonely, stuffy shack in the woods in the trunk, hogtied and gagged, feeling every bump on the road.

The trunk opens and you shut your eyes against the onslaught of white hard light, nose stinging from the cold as you curl into yourself out of both fear and well deserved shame, guilt. They're talking above you, familiar voices blurring together and becoming white noise. You feel like an insect pinned down, getting dissected.

Someone places their hand over your eyes, rubbing at your red, runny nose with their calloused thumb.

"Oh lovie."

"Carefull Si, cannea back out now."

There's silence for a second and you know they're exchanging the kind of look that saves their lives out on the field, the kind of look that explains and understands.

"Gotta let him learn his lesson ,hmm?"

"No other choice left."

Simon runs his hand over your face and rubs at your neck, that still smells of someone else. Mature and cold with hints of narcissus.You can see his internal conflict in his darkned eyes and see you can see his attachment, his love, his despration winning out.

You look up at them at Simon's wide set face and his unfocussed eyes dried out from lack of sleep, John bends down and picks you out of the truck setting you down on aching feet, still clad in socks as he flicks his knife out, a flash of fear goes through you, gutted by the same knife you had bought for him on his birthday, how fitting.

"Run 'n I'll break ya legs,."

"Last resort Si, might never heal proper again."

"Wouldn't tha' a good thing by now?"

You hear a sigh, both exasperated and heartbroken.

"Hope not."

Simon holds you in place by the shoulders as John cuts the ropes away, his jaw is set but his sweet blue eyes are wet, tired and you can't help the immense guilt you feel at putting them through this, for pushing them so far, for staying when you knew you'd do this.

Then you lift your face and see it, the cabin it's a box really, no windows and only one heavy door, John had mentioned his father had built one for hunting ,you wonder if it's the same one. You look over the dark wood walls and the door padlocked from the outside, your fear snowballs, all consuming and rattling your ribs. The idea of being trapped in the small, dark space is nauseating, it terrifies you in a way so primal, so reflex you think you'll bolt for a second, you think you'll beg scream, anything, anything. John straightens up and caresses your face.

"Just for a little while hare, just 'till Si n' I are back from this misson, then we'll come 'n get ya, promised we'd never leave eachothe, remember?."

He rips the tape off your mouth and gives you a soft sweet kiss, familiar lips failing to settle you for the first time, well groomed stubble scratchy against your moist skin, Simon presses his cheek against yours.

"It has everything ya need and we'll be back before you know it, just behave yourself and you'll never have to see this place again."

His voices is gravel against your skin, his breath smoke but you can't focus on them pressing against you on either side or the ropes laying undone on the grass.

All you can see is the cabin, the padlock, the wardens, the convict.

You had stayed for a long time in that cabin, long enough for your food to start running out, long enough to grow both lovesick and resentfull, long enough to get yourself together and fix the old, busted hunting camera you had found shoved between the wall and the bed.

You bought two flasdrives a week ago before their deployment and hid them in your tool box, on one you upload images of the cabin, of chains, of bruises, dents in the wall and your room ransacked time and time again.You know it's not a strong case and it's not meant to be. It's supposed to be a reminder for what you did, what you're running from, your sentencing.

On the other flash drive you upload all your happy memories, screenshots of loving wordsand jokes, selfies together, pictures of gifts and vacations, the apartment you saved up for with them. To keep you warm, souvenirs from the last place you settled in, from the last place you let yourself be loved.

You tuck them into the struddiest back pack you own, four changes of clothes, underwear, very basic toiletries, some fancy jewellery you'll have to pawn off later on. The money, fake ID and passport you had hidden in the inner lining of one of the coats John's forgotten about a long time ago, discarded at the back of his closet.

You pack the bag in under ten minutes just the way you practiced, the hard part is the note, you write over and over again palms sweaty and hands shaky eventually you settle on;

'Stay safe, I love you, goodbye.' Flowery language and false promises feel ingenuine when you're leaving everything the three of you have worked for, everything they'd tied their hearts to , it feels cowardly when you're running away. You leave the crumpled up notes on the top of the trash and your shared card on the table. You keep your promise ring in your pocket.

The walk to the train station is torture, every loud step is Simon, every wide shoulder or brown jacket is John, you feel like you're drowning in a pool filled with snippets of them, like driftwood caught in a storm much bigger than he'll ever comprehend. You either dread the day they'll be nothing but memories or salivate for it, you can't decide with the overwhelming panic, the sick excitement.You buy a day pass and a burner phone before you throw away your cell phone.

The bus ride is calmer, when you don't think about the pub you met in, the small flower shop you routinely bought foxgloves and bluebells from, the record shop Johnny loves, the workplace Simon insisted he drove you to whenever he could; the lufe you're betraying, the blessings you're running from.

You sit arms crossed and face hidden under your hood as you watch the city flash by, the further away from home you get the more guilt you feel; guilt for letting them in, guilt for misguiding them, guilt for aggravating them again and again and again untill either one snapped, guilt for leaving when you had just convinced them you wouldn't even think of it.

You swallow it down and watch the city speed away colors blurring like oil paint.

Next Chapter >>

[ilikealotoffandomsandstuff]

Expectations booktok: having recommend normal books

Reality of booktok: …far romance,romatizing sexual abuse,abuse, toxic relationships…as someone who was in..an toxic and abusive relationship that is concerning and not ok.

[scribe-of-hael]

The complicated life of Starscream

Tw: mentioned of Abuse/abusive Realtionships

I think whats interesting is the dynamic that Starscream has with Megatron in some ways. Because seems like no matter WHAT Starscream does. Being helpful ,loyal, or being backstabbing and sneaky.

Megatron finds a way to abuse him. That comes back around to the idea of , "No matter what you do, your abuser will never be happy and find new ways to be upset at you."

This is shown pretty well in TFP. Where Starscream trys to break free, be on his own. He struggles, even looses his Tcog in the process but he is a problem to everyone. The switch between his loyalty form s2 to s3 is a bit drastic. He is, very clearly, trying to do what Megatron asks of him and never once trys to go behind his back again.

Yet, even for a simple mistake, he is beaten. Megatron is completely incapable of trusting Starscream fully (reasonable) but Starscream is never going to be able to please Megatron fully either. Megatron doesn't know how eles to communicate with Starscream that isn't violent because that's how he responses, to violence and fear.

Starscream isn't perfect in TFP, he's killed Bots (as he told us repeatedly about Cliff jumper) , but everyone was someone before the war. I always wondered what he was like?

That and the fact Starscream mimics Megatron's abusive behavior in order to try and get respect. He HITS people , somtimes with little reason. He shoves and even belittled those who have actively tried to help him and show him concern (Knockout). Somtimes it works, most times it doesn't. He knows fear and violence works on him, why wouldn't it work in others ?

It's kinda a real thing, a friend who has these problems , basically puffing out their chest and bullying people close to them in order to get a sense of power and control that they normally don't have.

It comes down to Control and Safety.

Alot of times, in IDW Starscream does become a leader of Cybertron but almost always finds a way to sabotage himself. Why? He's traumatized. Conditioned to think he can not be anymore than what he was, what Megatron thought he was and what ppl think he is.

Bumblebee even calls this out, and in a fit of emotion, Starscream says its because he is Alone. No one is there to protect or vouche for him. (Which isn't fully true but that's his reality, how he sees it)

In order to keep himself safe, Starscream has defense mechanisms and coping strategies that are built to protect himself. He lies, he backstabs, he starts shit, he is combative even verbally when he doesn't even need to be. These strategies that were once used to help him, now make life difficult when ppl are trying to be there for him. Pushing people away, trying to give the illusion of control and dominance.

Rounding back to TFP, there was a theory i saw, (I think so, but in pretty sure I'm not the only one who thought of this anyway) that in RID, Starscream puts back in his old armor or parts of his frame from before.

My theory was that Starscream in TFP looks alot like Megatron in terms of color. Why go from a blue, white and red color to grey ? And was the armor even off him in the first place ?

My theory is Megatron purposely stripped him of parts of his own body, to make him both smaller and physically more vulnerable. Being a good representation of an Abuser stripping away who a person is, will all is left is the then vulnerable and under their control.

To add intop of it, in s3, its clear Starscream is loyal. The bot trys to go get Megatron or attack the autobots for killing him. Shockwave has to DRAG him away. In the movie, he STILL flinches at Megatron's movement towards him depsite him saying he "now knows what oppression is". FLYS AWAY & LEAVES HIM BEHIND.

This Starscream still has Decpeticon values, has only ever served Megatron for Millions of years, is still clearly afraid of his abuser and atm purpose to keep going. And he just LEAVES. Leaving Starscream to pick himself of being confused, scared and no idea what to do i'm sure.

Not to mention Megatron never once got anything done to him for all the pain and suffering he ever cause ld. He basically got off scotch free. Which to me, reflects the injustice some ppl feel and get when an abuser just leaves you in the mess THEY made and you get NOTHING from it. No justice, no recompense, no apology. You have to figure out how to BE without them.

Point is that Starscream is a complicated character in media. Different versions to show case this behavior. What i hope to see in the future, what I pray for, is seeing Starscream not only be able to break free of this cycle. But become more than what he thinks he is, what anyone thinks he is.

[gabrielsbubblegumbitch]

As you know by now, I absolutely love your headcanons, especially about the Vees, so I was curious to know that you think their love life might have been like on earth. Vox, I could imagine being married and having kids for appearance sake, but hating it. Val, I could see getting married once when he's still young, but overall being more of a fuckboy with plenty of illegitimate children. And Velvette, I'm not really sure. What are your thoughts on the Vees here?

tw // mentions of abuse and suicide

Ohh that's a good one!

So let's start with Vox. You've read my fanfic so you know about his wife. Her name was Vivienne and he was crazily in love with her. Well, at the beginning at least. Honestly, he was in love with the idea of her and how perfect they could have been. He proposed to her quickly and she was essentially pressed into the marriage by her parents, because who would deny a famous multimillionaire? But she fucking despised him and used every opportunity to remind him about that. Vox so desperately wanted her to follow his fantasy he grew to be abusive, constantly struggling between love for the imagined version of her and hatred towards her true self. They've never had a children though because she didn't want to be mother of his children and he didn't want to share her attention with anyone. You know how it turned out for them.

Valentino has never gotten married because he's not a monogamous type. His idea of love is an obsessive passion so in his mind he loved many people. None of his significant ones could bare him for longer than few months. Plus his way of living didn't support building stable realtionships. Any person he loved met a morbid end - killed in a fight between cartels, committed suicide to escape abuse, died of drug overdose or murdered by him. He thinks of himself as a tragic romantic hero, never destined to get his happily ever after because of course he doesn't recognize that he was the problem all along. Also I totally agree he has a bunch of illegitimate children and wouldn't be able to recall a single of their mothers' names. Actually I kinda like the idea that he has a daughter somewhere in hell that is currently plotting how to kill him for being a fucking garbage of a man.

Velvette I headcanon as aromantic and having a severe intimacy issues (disclaimer: those two things are not by any means connected, aromanticism doesn't equal any kind of issue and aro people can built deep and fulfilling raltionships; Velvette is just evil and self centred, that's the problem). So she has never had a love life per se but during her living days as a influencer she dated some fuckboy that looked good on her Instagram and helped her with building brand. Her followers were obsessed with their unhinged not-like-other-couples content, similarly that people used to be obsessed with Harley and Joker in 2010s. But of course Velvette was the big daddy in this relationship, he was just an arm candy, some dumb rich Jared recording emo tracks funded by his parent's money.

[theokusgallery]

Arsenic comic- several trigger warnings

15+ (please)

- tw suggestive content

- tw non-graphic nudity

- tw self-harm

- tw general Arsenic bullshit (abusive realtionship, unhealthy behaviors, etc)

- tw blade & implied violence

[the-last-f2p]

For BSD prompt can I please have number 46 for Yosano Akiko and number 58 for Koyou Ozaki

Featuring: Yosano Akiko and Koyou Ozaki 46: “why would i hurt you?” & 58:“care to remind me as to what happens when you disobey me?”

Note: I am sorry as I delted my og draft of this post and ur request so I'm just gonna at the orignal requester since it wasn't annon. Requester: @hedgehog666 Tw: Drugging , killing/murder , abuse, Koyou calls you a flower name.

Yosano Akiko:

Yoasno was strangely... Gentle with you. You never really got hurt somehow so it was just because it didn't seem nessacry right? She was always nice with you. And you wanted to do something in return. It started simple getting her a snack from the vending machine when she had no money then hanging out in her office regurlarly and then hanging out with her outside of work until you two were not only the bestest of friends but practically attachted at each others hip. It was a normal day you had just came back from a mission with Kunikida and Kenji it was supposed to be just the usual go out and stop some shady buisness but the port mafia had to show up of course and shooting you. So there you sat in Yosano's office waiting to get hurt you've heard what she's done to the others so you're slighty very scared. "Yosano-san?" "Yes Y/N?" "Are you going to hurt me? "Why would I hurt you?" She didn't even let you get another sentace in as she carried on "In all honesty I really like you. Your hair , face, personality you're always so amazing I love that. But you know what I don't like? You talking to Kunikida. But I don't need to worry bout that anymore it's just so sad that I wasn't there to save him from his wounds and died before I could save him right?" No one mentioned that to you... "Are you lying-" "No. I'm just telling you what's going to happen" She smiled sadistically you guess what everyone told you about was true Yosano is scary and sadistic "now how about you sleep while I deal with that pest to our new realtionship my dear lover?" You didn't have time to awnser as Yosano came up to you with a needle and inserted into your skin. You immediatly blacked out. Yosano was excited she hoped you were excited as well! I mean you are going to be living with your best friend and girlfriend now who wouldn't be excited? ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Koyou Ozaki :

Do not try and leave the port mafia. It's an unspoken rule at this point very few people who have even tried live to tell the tale with the exception of Koyou and Dazai of course. You though were dumb enough to think that you were witty enough to run away from everything. From the port mafia , from the killing , mental tortue and most importantly Koyou. You hated Koyou. Maybe it was because she insisted that whenever she slapped , kicked or worst case scenario totortued you was a form of 'training'. You work for her remember? If she told you to jump of a roof you better do it or else she'll just push you. Despite her delicate look Koyou is a harsh woman. She wouldn't hesitate to hurt you. So when she found out about this... Incident shall we say? She was ready to punish you. But all in the name of making you behave I mean you're kind of an idiot if you thought you could escape the darkness so it's well deserved. So that's why you're here staring at Koyou paitently waiting for her to say something. And say something she did. "You really thought you could just leave?" She looked at you half disgusted half amused she's difficult to read not as difficult as say Mori or Dazai but still. "I-" You started to speak before.. "Do not speak unless I tell you to." She interupted you "Now I don't know if you have no common sense or something but what you did was down right stupid. Don't you agree?" You nod "Great to see we're on the same page.Now care to remind me as to what happens when you disobey the mafia and by extension me?" Koyou was hard to read but now you could see that she there was some sadistic glee present on her face you knew what you had to awnser. "I get punished." You hoped you actually had to awnser that question. "Right , now my pointsettia are you ready to face the consequences of your actions?" She smiles "And don't awnser that I don't care either way." Her smile turned into a sadistic one as she started walking towards you. You didn't know what was going to happen to you percisely but one thing you knew was that it wasn't going to be good for you.

[xx-blueboy-xx]

More info on “Carve My Heart Out”? 👀

WIP Ask Game

OMG Y E S-

So. This also has the note [Sam Study] in the title. And before I get into this one i need to give a few trigger warnings:

TW: Discussion of Suicide & Self-Harm + (Explict Under Cut) Child Abuse/Neglect (Explict Under Cut) Violance

Now that is out of the way!!

This fic is a one-shot, and really just would/is a deep dive into the realtionship I HC Sam having with self-harm and suicidal ideation (and a few attempts). As someone who releates to Sam on an incredibly deep level, and reconized some of the subtle signs of his struggles with these things: well...it was only natrual I would want to explore them!

So. Yeah!

The fic is/would be just comprised of a collection of scenes of Sam throughout the years depicting various times he has self-harmed or attempted suicide. I myself used to struggle with such things, and wanted to vent/explore these themes through him.

It is literally plotted/what is written to be all whump too, which, is fun. And it features some pretty heavy and explicit John's A+ Parenting.

Plus!! It features my personal headcanon of gay!Sam (with internalized homophonia and comphet)

It is very personal to me, but, yeah. Never got around to writting more than the first scene!

Have an excerpt!! HEED THE WARNINGS ABOVE!!

“Dad,” he says, regretting it the moment John looks at him as he opens the medical kit. “I - I think we need to take him to a hospital. That looks really bad. Like, super bad.” 

The older Winchester brother looks over at Sam, his green eyes filled with watery tears of pain that he won’t dare let fall. He will simply be lectured for that too. He tries to crock out some kind of reassurance but another searing stab of pain through his side as he breaths cuts his words off. He definitely broke ribs. Sam watches him take a strangled breath, as John merely is preparing the needle as he dips it into antiseptic. 

Sam grabs his father’s arm, “I’m serious Dad! He needs a doctor! I read-” 

“You and those damn books!” The tone in John’s vicious growl was his only warning before a hand struck him across the face. He felt the wedding band on his hand slice into his cheek and he stood there, stunned a little bit. He hadn’t moved back though as his cheek began to sting. His heart sank inside of his chest. Realization slowly began to sink into his body. John rather let Dean die than trust anyone who wasn’t a Winchester. Everyone else is a threat. The hospital would see the bruises on his brother’s body, unrelated to his injury. Would see the old scars. Would see the marks on Sam’s arms and wrists from being gripped in a vise. They would take them away. Break the family up. 

Sam swallows. 

He was an idiot. Dean needs them, not some stranger. Not some guy with a fancy degree. John only hit him for good reason. He had to. He loves him. Right? Right? Sam is jolted from his mind and shocked as he feels a cold needle being pressed into his hands, his father’s eyes are boring holes into him. 

“Stitch the wound up, Sammy.” John demands. The boy opens his palm, and he looks at the tool in his hand. He has no idea how. He has watched John stitch his own wounds though.

[goddessofroyalty]

Does Silco do background checks on all of his children's romantic partners?

Also, love all your Mylo prompts!

May I request a little bit of angst and enquire how Silco and Vander would react if Mylo ends up with an abusive partner?

(extra angst if O!Mylo is preggo and with same background from WetNurse)

Yeah I think Silco did run background checks on all his children's partners. Or at least reached out to his networks to see what he could find out about them especially if they are relatively unknown to him previously. Possibly sends someone to spy on them for a bit to make sure they aren't hiding anything.

Oh man if any of the kids got an abusive partner there would be an ""accident"" arranged for said partner basically as soon as Silco finds out about it. Silco and Vander would rather deal with their kid's short-term pain and grief over the partner dying than let the abuse continue on. Vander wants to cave their skull in of course but is aware that that's going to make the situation worse so Silco can handle it his way. End result is pretty much the same.

If Mylo's pregnant at the time Silco probably uses the partner's death to manipulate Mylo into moving back home with them. Vander's more willing to let Mylo decide what support he wants from his parents and what he wants to do next but Silco wants him back where he can keep a closer eye on him (and any alphas possibly hanging around trying to jump on the situation) and, well, Silco is very good at getting what he wants.

[stressy-enby]

Green Lipstick

A short fictional story

Warnings: (past) Abusive relationship (abuser puts victim down, separates them from friends, and guilts them), minor swears

She left her lipstick.

Well, one of them. She left them all over my apartment while we were together. She didn’t even live with me, but I couldn’t take 4 steps without finding a tube of brightly colored wax. She tore my place apart looking for them all when I told her I was done.

Except this one.

It’s green. Who wears green lipstick? Lizette does. She wore it on our first date, and I remember thinking it was weird. I should’ve run as far and as fast as I could’ve when I saw it. But I didn’t. Why on earth didn’t I run?

I put up with 8 months of her abusive bullcrap, and all I get out of it is a tube of green lipstick. It’s sitting there on my kitchen counter, taunting me. I can’t decide whether to throw it away, or track her down at work and awkwardly give it back.

Part of me wants to just chuck it, but I don’t want to be bitter. I mean, I probably have a right to be bitter. Finn and Celene say I should be bitter, but part of me thinks that maybe Liz was right? Maybe she wasn’t actually abusive. Maybe she was just trying to help and I made myself so unhelpable.

. . . . . . . . . . . . .

“What are you wearing?” Lizette raised both eyebrows, looking me up and down.

“Uh, jeans? And a button-up?” I glanced down at my outfit, wondering what her disapproval was this time.

“No, the shoes. They’re gross.”

“What? Really?” My sneakers are a little old, and maybe a tiny bit mud-splattered, but I wouldn’t go as far as to call them gross.

“Yeah, take them off.” Liz ordered, crossing her arms.

“But I-”

“Take them off.”

. . . . . . . . . . . . .

“Why do you hang out with Celene so much?”

“Because she’s my friend? Why do you look mad?” I flinched under Liz’s hard glare.

“She’s weird. I don’t like her, and frankly I don’t like that you spend so much time with her. You don’t need her.” She sat down on the couch next to me, plucking my phone out of my hands.

“H-hey!” I grabbed at the device, but one look from Lizette staved me off.

“Ugh, and even now you’re still talking to her!” Her nose wrinkled as she skimmed through my texts. “You really shouldn't be friends with her anymore.”

“That’s ridiculous.” I whined “I’ve known her for 4 years!”

“I don’t care! You love me, right?”

“Y-yeah-” 

“Then stop talking to Celene. End of discussion.”

. . . . . . . . . . . . .

“R, do you even realize what’s going on?” Finn’s brows were furrowed. “She’s controlling every aspect of your life! She won't let you wear what you want, go where you want, she won’t even let you talk to us!”

“She-she just wants to help-”

“Bullshit!” Celene cried, slapping her fishnet gloved hands on the table. “Not letting you talk to your friends is not ‘helping’. She’s forcing you to rely only on her. That’s an abuse tactic.”

“Really?” I peeped, glancing up at my friends.

“Listen, I don’t want you to go through what I had to.” Finn placed a hand on my shoulder. “I had to deal with someone like that. I don’t want you to have to deal with it too.

. . . . . . . . . . . . .

Suddenly I’m angry. Suddenly there’s fire in my gut and I’m pulling my hair. I’m grabbing that dumb green lipstick, yanking on the handle of the pull-out garbage can and throwing it in there as hard as humanly possible. I could’ve sworn I heard it shatter on impact. I staggered back, as if physically fatigued from the action. 

She doesn’t deserve it. 8 months of self doubt, hatred, and not being able to make a single decision for myself and I was even considering giving it back to her? It’s thrown away.

Lizette is thrown away.

. . . . . . . . . . . . .

“Hey.” 

No. Not her. Anyone but her.

“Look, I know things are weird, but can you talk to me?”

I don’t really want to but-

“What’s up, Lizette?”

“I think I left a tube of lipstick at your place.” She wouldn’t look me in the eye. She played with her braid, looking very pointedly over my shoulder. 

“You did.” I affirmed bluntly. “Green, right?”

“Yeah, do you think you can bring it to my place tonight? Or just take it with you to work tomorrow?”

“No.”

“Wai- what do you mean, no?” Lizette sputtered. “You can’t just not-”

“I can. Watch me.” I deadpanned. “I already threw it away, anyway.”

“Why would you-”

“Because you put me through hell. You wouldn’t let me have anything, so now I’m giving myself this. I know it’s petty, and I know it’s not even that heavy of a hit- hell, you can easily buy more lipstick, but it’s something I can have. It’s one small victory, and I’ll be damned if I’m not going to take it.”

She was silent. It was the first time I had ever silenced her. There was something so gratifying about shutting her up, it felt like I was defying the forces of nature. 

“Why do you hate me so much, Rose?” She asked incredulously, as if she couldn’t possibly comprehend that someone could do such a thing.

“Why do I- are you kidding me?”

“I was just trying to help you!” Lizette insisted, turning her palms up to me. “I’m sorry if you thought I was a little mean to you, it’s just that... you weren’t what I expected you to be.”

“No, I wasn’t what you wanted me to be. So you tried to change me, and now that I’ve finally realized that, you’re trying to act like the good guy.” I said darkly. “Well, unfortunately for you, I’m not buying it. I threw your stupid lipstick away, and this is me throwing you away. Goodbye Lizette. Never speak to me again unless you absolutely have to.”

I turned away from her to duck out of the kitchen. I grabbed my notebook, whipped a tear off my cheek, and put my ‘Waitress Smile’ on. 

Celene grinned at me from the door to her office. She gave me a thumbs up as I passed by. 

It’ll be ok. I sighed to myself, waving back at her. I’ll be ok.

[pepperonyfic]

Oh Tones

Author: Earthsbestdefender Rating: mature Word Count: >20k Genre(s): angst, romance Film-specific: no Tropes: au, flower shop au, hurt!tony, supportive!pepper, ptsd

Summary: Pepper's not keen on her job. Tony's not keen on his life. They meet somewhere in the middle and just might have a path to happiness. tw: suicide attempt, tw: abusive relationship

READ HERE: AO3

[recovering-daughter]

imainge

imagine being told from a young age that you were never good enough.

you were never thin enough, you were never pretty enough. your voice was too deep for a girl. your hair never neat enough (i’m the only curly sue in the family that chooses to wear my hair naturally. as a result, nobody knew how to deal with my hair and didnt bother looking anything up. I was a literal puff ball until i was 12 and the internet was brought into my house. LMAO i sound so old, i’m 26 but damn. u really dont know the impact growing up isolated from everyone has). 

ok.

imagine getting into your first relationship and being shamed for what you liked. being told you werent guyanese enough bc you listened to rock music. bc you couldnt put on a fake accent. bc you refused to eat fish (lmao he was wild man).

imagine being groomed by the next couple of partners to always suit their needs, minimize your wants and only speak up when you’re past your breaking point. so in their eyes, the first argument results in the end of the relationship, but bc you’ve been holding shit back in for so long (bc it was never.ever.ever safe for you to share how you truly felt), they see you as crazy. insane. emotional. when they were the ones gaslighting you to begin with. 

now imagine going home and confiding (stupidly) in your mother. telling her you broke up with your boyfriend and you were crushed and heart broken. and her only response being “good”. 

imagine telling your best friend that you’re so fucking sad you’re laying on the couch in the basement crying your eyes out and you just want everything to end. and being left on read. and then later being told by them that they knew you needed them. and they just didnt reach out. 

idk. 

the point of this post is to fucking figure out your shit before you even think about entertaining the idea of dating someone. your first prioirty needs to be yourself. you cant save other ppl if you’re dying. if youre so consumed by your emotions, that that’s all you feel. you shouldnt be getting into relationships to save other ppl anyways. that’s not your responsibility. Sure, grow with the person but dont expect them to save you from yourself. i’m speaking from my own personal experience, but at the end of the day, you only have yourself. only you know what you went through, how you truly feel and what things need to change in order for things to get better. reach out to professionals. it may seem scary, but there are good ones out there. it’s a trial and error type of thing. 

- w

[words-that-go-unspoken]

you seem to think that my body is yours for the taking. to be used and taken and violated however you see fit whenever it’s convenient for you. and I let you. you made me think that my body was not my own that what i wanted didn’t matter that i was yours and you could do what you wanted with this body that isn’t yours. and I believed you. i let you hurt me. break me. use me. stain me. i thought there was no other choice. i trusted you. put my life in your hands, told you everything all of my secrets. anything i thought you wanted to hear. i was putty in your hands. you scared me. i was afraid of what would happen if i let you have your way. but more afraid of what would happen if i spoke up, if i said no, if i told someone. i’m still afraid. if you tried again, it’d end the same way. with me bowing down and obeying your every word. letting the fear win. letting you have your way. i’m going to get hurt. but the difference is that if I let it happen it’ll be mental. but if I try and stop it, say no, speak up, it will be physical. and i’d rather be hurting on the inside than have physical reminders of what i did. that i disobeyed you,    someone who has no right to control me. that i used my voice. that i realized my body is not a toy to be played with. that i’m not something to be thrown around and discarded at your convenience. but i let you take it. and if i had to choose to let it happen again or to let someone else be taken, i would do it again.

i am still afraid of you. i want to run when you fall into my vision. but i will never give you the satisfaction of knowing how scared i really am. 

you seem to think. j.a.e. [sometime freshman year]

i saw him the other day, four years later. i wanted to hide and throw up.

[words4bloghere]

Cathartic Venting, no assistance required. Just needed to get it out.

I don’t think I’ve ever realized how completely I was destroyed by my last relationship. We’ve been apart for longer than we were together and yeah, part of that is the fantastically toxic Bipolar + BPD mental cocktail I’ve got going on but I’ve A. gotten better as I’ve gotten older and from that B. my five year relationship didn’t mess me up this bad and that was from 15 to 20.

Thinking about him will still bring me to my knees and we haven’t even spoken since January. 

I always hate contextualizing this. I hate how my mental health has to be brought up when I talk about his shitty behavior. But it’s been gaslighted on me for so long, I have to.

I was not a good partner.

Having BPD, I fell into all of the sinkholes. I was jealously paranoid, I was needy, I was desperate, I couldn’t control my freakouts and would spiral constantly, I tested him. Look, if anyone was in that relationship they would be totally right to leave.

Only, he didn’t leave. He stayed and he pushed me. Literally and figuratively. He shoved me when he was drunk, he called me horrible things within the first month of us dating because HE is paranoid, he would take things I told him and use them in the next fight we got into.

He would feel guilty, maybe, I don’t even know anymore. Did he just always say things he thought I wanted to hear? Was he ever sincere in any of the nice things?

Like, that’s what fucks me up. I can’t tell if he was lying the entire time or if he made the conscious choice to destroy me with things he had promised to help with.

I don’t know which of those options is worse.

God damn it he fucked up my kid.

He told me he wanted. jesus christ. He said he wanted to stay in our lives even though he wasn’t the biological father. He had known my son for three years, from 2 to 5. 

Did he only say that to make sure he could stay in my life and ruin me?

Because three years later, he told me what he did for my son was charity.

Did he lie before? Or did he choose to say the worst possible thing in that moment to make sure he obliterated me?

Which is worse?

I think this has messed me up more than any other relationship I’ve run into the ground because maybe I didn’t do that this time. Sure, it ended because I had a psychological break, threatened suicide, and had spent a long time in an unstable (financially, emotionally, and psychologically) place. But, jesus, there were so many nights when I wanted to talk and he got defensive. That someone, by me saying he was doing bad things that he was a bad person.

Would that have even happened if he hadn’t been systematically breaking me down for years?

I thought he was a good person. I thought he could get better.

But now, I think he enjoyed hurting me.

I know for a FACT he enjoys it when his exes think he’s a bad guy. Because he gets to scoff and talk about how crazy they were. 

But I’m starting to think he finds broken people and grinds them down so that they can hurt him. I think he’s a fucked up person who didn’t want to cut himself so he used other people to do it for him.

He doesn’t want to be the victim, he wants to be the person to triumph over victimhood. 

I cannot admit that the man who danced with me in the living room, who held me as he whispered he loved me into my hair, who fucking told my child.....

I cannot admit to myself that he only did that because it gave him that anticipatory high. He built me up for the sole purpose of getting a hard on when he dragged me down.

I want him to tell me he really loved me, and that everything just got so messy. That he was wrong for what he did and that he is so sorry.

But when he thinks of me, I know it’s only to think about how shitty my life still is. He loved talking about how fat or dumb or worthless his exes were. He loved it when he got proof that he was the best thing that happened to them.

I haven’t dated since we broke up. I haven’t wanted to be touched.

I don’t know how to deal with this. And I don’t know if I’ll ever be better.

[agent-absinthe]

The End

This is for the ever lovely and talented @reformedkingsmanagent because I wanted to try my hand at a Charlie that I rarely see in fics.  

I want to advise everyone reading that this has heavy, heavy abuse and trauma.  If you are triggered by any kind of relationship abuse or violence please do not read.  

As always, Stay safe!  You control what you see!  And I hope you enjoy!  

(Recommended song for this is The End by Blue October.)

Charlie was in the middle of a Kingsman meeting, scrolling through social media on his glasses, like Eggsy was doing beside him, ignoring whatever Merlin was saying about drug lords.  Even Roxy across from him gave a muffled yawn and her head dipped forward before snapping back up, she had just come back from a mission to Tokyo and had yet to sleep.  It felt like just another day until a picture on Instagram flooded his system with rage.

tara_tart had just posted with the caption “The new bistro downtown is great!  Everyone go check it out!” which would have been innocent enough if it hadn’t been for the fact that she was kissing someone’s cheek and that same someone had commented on the post with “Love you babe <3”

With a few flicks and blinks of his eyes Charlie had everything about Tara’s new boyfriend laid out in front of him.  Accountant, recently graduated at the top of his class, a fitness nut with a great body, Charlie could still kill him.  That break up had nearly killed him.  They went to the same school, she was what he called a pity admission since she came from a lower middle class family.  Wasn’t much of his type at first either, a bit of a bigger girl with a soft voice she used to argue with him in Philosophy, but when he smiled at her he could tell she adored him.

It lasted for two years.  Two wonderful years.  He was going to propose, they would start a family.  Until she broke it off due to his “controlling, hyper obsessive nature” what did that even mean?

~

A sheen of sweat reflected off of Charlie’s face as he picked the lock to Tara’s apartment, using his watch to silence the security system that began beeping when he shoved it open.  Her familiar rose and peony perfume that he had bought her in Paris overwhelmed him, he almost lost himself right there in the hallway, a sob raking up his throat.  He stifled it and pushed forward into the dark apartment, noting all of her usual habits: the dishes still lying in the sink, her shoes all over the place, books piled up next to the tv.  His hands were shaking as he pushed open the bedroom door and breathed deeply trying to soak as much of her up in this small time frame as possible.

“Still so messy, love.”  He said aloud to no one but himself and the pretty cat that slunk out from under the blankets.

Charlie bent down to give it a scratch on the chin and the cat purred, looping around his legs when he straightened to explore the bedroom.  His large hands carded through her closet, pulling out a few dresses he didn’t recognize to admire before putting them back, he reached into the very back and found a scrapbook of her childhood and college memories.  He smiled, eager to see what pictures of them she had kept over the years…but as he flipped through it he realized there were no pictures of him in here at all. None.  Breathing suddenly became difficult and he tossed the book onto the floor, shoving his hand even further back into the closet and looking for a photo album- something, anything.  She would not have thrown him out of her life completely, she loved him, she’d always love him just like he loved her.

A journal was the only thing he pulled out and eagerly opened up.

My therapist tells me that anytime something reminds me of him or I relapse into some of the habits he “groomed” me to have that I needed to write it down in here and it would make me feel better… I forgot to do the dishes last night and when I saw them in the sink this morning I had a panic attack-I was tired and forgot that he isn’t controlling my life any longer.  Thought I was going to see him coming around the corner ready to break every single one and then make me clean it up like before… sheets got wrapped around my neck from all the turning, thought it was him trying to choke me again- need to schedule another appointment with Dr. Reuben… I relapsed.  Ended up on the bathroom floor at 3 a.m scrubbing it because I had a nightmare that C came home upset it was dirty, Michael had to pick me up and carry me back to bed.  Why can’t I get rid of him?... Had a panic attack at work today, a cute boy with curly hair delivered the donuts and I thought it was Charlie, got sent home, took a few days off… Michael said he loves me and I haven’t had a nightmare in weeks.  Maybe this is where I start to heal.

Charlie snapped the journal shut, his body shaking with rage before he reopened it and began tearing the pages out handful by handful, ripping them apart further once there were none left in the spine.

“No!”  He screamed, forgetting to stay quiet in case any of the neighbors were home.

“No!”

Breathing even more ragged than before, Charlie stumbled up and over to the old, shitty vanity he had begged her to get rid of but she wouldn’t because it was her grandmothers.  The mirror spotted with old make up and a crack, he stared into the mirror remembering the night she wouldn’t listen to him and he had shoved her against it to get her attention.  Tara hit her head on the corner and caused the crack, they had to go to the emergency room for stitches.  Remembering the blood slipping across her forehead and how the nurses had looked at him like he was evil, like they were fucking superior to him the cunts- the glass shattered, Charlie immediately retching his fist back as his knuckles began to bleed.  Deep breaths, deep breaths like Merlin taught you.  One.  Two. Three. Calm Down.  Breathe through the anger.  

Sweat was dripping off his nose now, his whole body shaking so bad he could hardly stand.  It wasn’t until he heard the door unlock with a click that he forced himself to get up and move to the balcony door without so much as a creak from the floor boards.  The cat followed mewing at him.

“Come here.  Come on.” He held out his hand to it and as soon as it’s wet nose touched the tip of his finger Charlie grabbed it by the scruff, tucking the cat into his coat as he slipped out.

~

“Bruv, when did ya get a cat?”  Eggsy was in some obnoxious neon blue Adidas clothes scratching the cat, who Charlie had named Pleb as the expensive leather collar with a bright gold tag read.

“Oh, it followed me home last week.”

Charlie really couldn’t be bothered right now.  He placed a Kingsman Ghosting chip in Tara’s cellphone and could now go through all of her things, the burner phone he was using acting as an exact mirror.  Right now she was messaging her god awful boyfriend about the recent break in that had happened, the conversation was boring until she finally brought him up.

No you don’t understand my therapy journal was ripped to shreds.  I think it might be my ex.

What?  The one who abused you?

Yes.  I don’t know what to do.  What if he hurt Niko?  What if hes watching me?

Call the police.  He’s breaking his restraining order right?

I cant, his family is fucking loaded the only reason I got the restraining order is because I had documentation and testimony. I don’t have shit now.

Fine, then I’ll stay with you.  I’ll be over tonight.  I’m not gonna let anything happen to you I love you.

Thanks babe I love you too.

Abused.  He actually laughed, ignoring Eggsy’s questioning look, he never abused Tara never never never.  He loved her, how could he abuse her?  That’s not how that worked, how STUPID could they both possibly be, no no it wasn’t her, she was being led astray by this asshole and that therapist probably had put all kinds of ideas in her head.  Charlie would have to make sure she went back to her old self just as soon as he was able to get her back.  Although now that this bastard was trying to play protective he would have to learn stew for a few days and watch them, figure out the routine.  Luckily, Merlin had given him a few days to heal a bullet scrap to his ribs since the manor was finally properly staffed again.

~

“Michael, honey thank you so much for staying with me.  I’ve been so fucking scared lately and I didn’t know what to do, I thought he was gonna come back and-”

“No, baby I won’t let anything happen to you I swear.  I love you, I love you so much.  Maybe uh,”  Michael smiled at her sheepishly, “maybe instead of sleeping over it could just be… sleeping?  My apartment is a little bigger, I’ve got a huge closet I barely use-”

“Are you asking me to move in with you?”  Her heart felt like it was going to stop.  No, it can’t be true she was too fucked up.  Just like he had said, she was too fucked up for anyone else to want.

“Yes, baby.  Please, I know you’re scared of letting people into your space, but I wanna grow with you.  So, what do you say?”

Michael was a big guy.  6’2 and kinda beefy, a lacrosse player at university, if he wasn’t such a softie he would have made an excellent fighter.  Tara felt so protected by him and he looked at her like she was the world and not some kind of trophy or property like Charlie had. She couldn’t let the ghost of what he did to her hold her back any longer.    

“Yes.  Yes, as soon as my lease is up!”  Tara threw herself at him, pressing her lips to his fiercely.

Charlie sat in the issued vehicle with his hands knuckle white on the steering wheel as he listened in on the conversation from the frequency amplifier. No, this couldn’t happen.  It wouldn’t happen.  He reached into the glove compartment and tapped on the side twice, a Kingsman pistol with a silencer attached popped out of the bottom and he it pulled out.  Checking to make sure it was loaded and ready in case he needed to do anything tonight. Hopefully it wouldn’t come to that and tonight would be just another night of scouting, sneaking in after they were asleep and just… watching.

~

Tonight was not going to be a scouting night.

The moans from Tara’s bedroom came through so clear on the radio that Charlie might as well have been in there with them.  He had helped himself to the scotch in the back of the cab and alternated between sloppy mouthfuls, the alcohol running down his chin to soak into his shirt, and contemplating just putting the pistol in his mouth instead.  His eyes were red and irritated from staring at his fucking phone for two days straight, his body screamed for hydration and food, instead he kept feeding it scotch.

“Yes, yes.  Fuck! Michael!”  Her moans blared through the speakers and Charlie could just imagine how she was bent over letting him fuck her like a common whore.

Heavy breathing took the place of the moans and soon everything dissolved into obnoxious whispers about how much they loved each other and how nice it would be when she finally moved in with him.  

“Shut up!  Shut up shut up shut up shut up!”  He screamed so loud he could feel the strain on his vocal cords, his fist slamming into the radio repeatedly until he had damaged it to white noise.

Blood began to dot the interior of the car as it dripped down his hand, at least three broken knuckles and metacarpals, but the scotch had numbed everything.  All he felt was rage.  Charlie drug a hand down his face trying to hide the drunk sobs that were bubbling past his lips and chased them back down with the last of the scotch.  He threw the empty bottle against the passenger window where it shattered, a piece of it flying out to embed into his arm.  With the pistol tucked safely into his waist band Charlie spilled out of the cab and stumbled toward the apartment building. He made a very impressive vertical jump to grip the metal rod of a sign and used his momentum to swing and grab onto the bottom of her balcony.  Despite his drunken state he could still remember everything Eggys had taught him about parkour and gymnastics.

He lifted himself up and over the ledge; muscles straining through the thin, white shirt that was stained with perspiration as more slid down his neck.  God, they didn’t even have the fucking decency to close the curtains.  Charlie stood outside for a few seconds and simply watched them sleep, his harsh breaths fogging up the window and blocking his view.  Michael had an arm wrapped protectively around Tara, his face cradled in her neck and hair.  Idiots didn’t even lock the fucking balcony door, she must have wanted him to come in and save her.  

Tara felt warm and heavy wrapped in the blanket and Michael’s arms, could feel his chest rise and fall against her bare back, the soft cotton of his briefs rubbing against her ass.  She was so content she didn’t even register the sound of breathing until something cold and metal was pressed onto her shoulder.  Her eyes blinked open and Tara felt like a bucket of ice water had just been dumped on her.  

Charlie Hesketh stood above her.  A gun hanging limply by his side.

“Hello, love.  Miss me? I missed you so much, Tara.  So fucking much.”

She was frozen in place, only able to stare up at him before he pressed the barrel of the gun into Michael’s arm and shoved, stirring him awake.

“Oi, oi!  What the fuck, who are you?”  Michael was up immediately his intimidating stature not seeming to be effective on the just as tall man standing in his girlfriend’s bedroom.

“Charlie, mate.  Now, I need you to get the fuck out of here and stay away from my fiancé.”

“Fiance?  Listen mate you better get the fuck out of here because I won’t call the police I’ll just kick your ass.”  He hadn’t seemed to notice the gun, Charlie needed to fix that.

There was a quiet pop! A bullet grazing Michael’s calf and embedding itself into the drywall.  She’d never get back the security deposit back.

“Ah fuck!  Fuck! You fucking shot me!”

Tara was sitting up now, heart pounding in her ears, everything was happening in slow motion.  

“GET OUT!”  It came out as a guttural roar barely sounding human as he shot two more bullets into the floorboard near Michael’s feet.

And he did.  Michael, the one she thought was her saving grace to make her life better, half crawled half ran out the bedroom and the front door leaving nothing but a trail of blood and his dignity behind.  She wasn’t able to mourn his abandonment for long because a hand wrapped around her upper arm and tried yanking her up.  Only for Tara to clutch the sheets to her chest and fall to the floor at his feet where the barrel of the gun was pressed to her head.

“I could handle you leaving.  Even lying about me in court to get that fucking restraining order!  And- and- and then, oh then you have to go and fucking post about him all over social media like a fucking whore.  You did it on purpose, didn’t you?  Hmm? To fucking lure me back here.”  He was bent down now, his mouth pressed against her hair.  The smell of scotch, sweat, and two day old after shave permeating around him.

“N-no, no.  Charlie, please.  Please stop, honey don’t do this-“  Tara tried breathing, a panic attack beginning to tighten her chest and make her dry heave. Memories suddenly getting jumbled together-

“Charlie honey, please don’t do this.”  Tara was cornered in the kitchen crying, terrified of the ceramic bowl Charlie was holding in his hand.  Other dishes were broken into pieces on the floor.

“I ask you to do one thing for me.  One!”

“Charlie, it’s 5 fucking dishes!  The world isn’t going to end if I leave 5 dishes in the sink until after dinner!  Stop being such a fucking psycho!”  The bowl he was holding suddenly connected with the nice oak cabinets next to her head as he advanced on her.

“Don’t ever fucking call me that again.  Do you have any idea what I do for you?  I let you live with me in this gorgeous house that you could never afford to stay in otherwise in your pathetic fucking life.”

Tara didn’t back down from him.  She was tired of this, “you can’t afford this either. Your parents pay for this house you spoiled little brat!  You don’t do anything!”

It suddenly felt like her eye and ear had exploded, she forgets how large Charlie’s palm is sometimes.  How much of her face it can cover when he slaps her.  The blood vessels in her eye would be popped the next day, that isn’t something you can hide with make up…

“I don’t do anything?  I don’t do anything?”  His hands suddenly around her throat, thumbs crisscrossing against her wind pipe and fingers meeting at the nape of her neck., “you don’t do anything.  You’re lucky I even fucking looked at you, you’re so lucky to be with ME you useless fucking-”

Whatever he had said after that faded into blackness as he squeezed harder and pressed her into the counter-

“I said stand up!”  He was standing again, screaming at her as she sobbed on the floor.

She tried to stand, but fell back to the floor her legs too weak, “I-I can’t.  Charlie, please-”

“Is that all you can say to me?”  He went back to squatting in front of her, his eyes raw from crying, the tears running down his face freely. “Please?  Fucking please!”

He grabbed a fistful of hair and yanked her head back as he stood. The gun suddenly pressed right under her chin and Tara began to scream.  Charlie didn’t seem to mind and yelled over her.

“I begged you not to leave!  I said I would take therapy, counseling whatever the fuck you wanted and you still left me!  Why should I listen to your begging, Tara?  Why?  I should just do it.  I can you know, I do it for a living because unlike you in your little fucking office job I actually help the world.  I kill people every single day and you’d be no different.”

“No no no no no.  I’m sorry, I’ll stay I’ll marry you.  Whatever you want honey.  I’m sorry I was so stupid-”

“Shut up!”  His vocal cords tore even more, curls stuck to his forehead from sweat, “It’s better this way.  For both of us-”

It was happening.  He going to do it.  Tara stared up at her ceiling and closed her eyes, praying for something, anything.

“I love you.  M’ sorry it had to come to this.”

“Charlie, no!”

His finger flexed around the trigger as several beams of light suddenly shone on him accompanied by screaming.

“Drop it!  Drop the fucking gun or I will drop you!  Step away from her, hands on your head!  I said hands on your fucking head pretty boy!”

After an officer had Charlie’s cheek smashed into the hardwood floor he saw Michael run into the bedroom, a paramedic chasing after him, and slide to the floor by Tara’s side.  He had gone to get help.  Of fucking course.  

He had sweated out all the scotch, it left behind a pounding headache.

~

Merlin was in sweats and a stained tshirt when he picked up Charlie a few hours later at the station.  The Scotsman looked fucking livid.

“Kingsman resources.  Ye used kingsman resources to stalk your ex-girlfriend.  Charlie do ye have any fucking idea how many strings, how many cover ups I have to do to fix this.  Anyone else would have left ye in that cell.  Harry- fuck, Arthur is not to know about this, ye hear me?  Don’t open your fucking mouth at all.”

Charlie’s forehead laid against the car window. He felt like shit. Being berated by the only authority figure he ever looked up to in his life didn’t help.

“I don’t know what to do, Merlin.  I didn’t have anyone else to call.  You helped me with the anger management stuff I just…”

“We’re putting you in therapy.”

“No-”

Merlin suddenly turned the wheel, sending the car into a dead end street with no cars and slamming on the brake.

“You just ruined someone’s life.  All you fuckin’ posh brats don’t seem to understand what that means. Charles, you put a gun to a civilian’s throat and threatened her life.  Startin’ tomorrow you’re going to therapy and I’m putting you on mental recuperation leave until you’re safe to go out on missions.  You’re gonna be on Manor arrest until I can trust ye not to try this again.”

Merlin’s age was showing as he pinched the bridge of his nose and tried not to look at the young agent by his side who had started to cry, his face still turned towards the window.

~

It had been a month or so now.  Tara honestly hadn’t been counting.  Too busy moving her things into Michael’s place, he was with her every step of the way now.  Through the therapy, the crying, the nightmares.  Sometimes it was both of them waking up at night in a cold sweat, Michael’s calf burning from the memory of the bullet.

But it was getting better.

It was a sunny day for once.  A breeze blowing through the open window as Tara folded some linen to put in the hall closet, smiling at the thought of baby blankets in there one day. She was distracted from the daydream by a faint meow and looked down to see a much fatter Niko staring up at her like he had never been gone.

“Niko!  Baby!” The cat purred in her arms as she held him noticing the new collar with a golden sideways K on it.  The same symbol on the letterheads that announced they would be paying off any debt she owed.  

It always came down to power and money, didn’t it?  Just another thing to be swept under the rug.

[thecherrytarot]

𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐢𝐧𝐣𝐮𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐬.

pile 1 → pile 2 → pile 3

your "injury" is something in your life that has hurt you enough to leave a scar on you. pick the photo you feel the most drawn to and please remember that this is a general reading so take what resonates!!

𝐏𝐢𝐥𝐞 𝟏:

𝐕𝐈. 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐬 𝐢𝐧 𝐫𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐞 & 𝐈𝐕. 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐫𝐞𝐛𝐞𝐥.

Whatever hurt you was something that was very intense, i could almost feel the energy and it got hard for me to even say the question properly.

You may have been in a toxic realtionship with someone, they may have cheated on you (multiple times) and you felt heartbroken, you really loved this person and some of you may have even thought about sharing your life with this person. Thats why it hurts more, your dream turned into a nightmare that still haunts you. You both may have been obsessed (not necessarily in a negative way) with each other during the honeymoon phase of your realtionship but saw reality when it got over. One reason could be low self esstem. For many of you, this may have been your first love/realtionship. Cheating doesn't have to be the only reason for your "injury" it could have been that your partner may have fallen out of love or they dumped you as soon as you started to get serious. You felt used and your ego was hurt too. Some of you may even be divorced and that still affects you. Many of you might use sex as a way of revenge or closure, like you could go around and have many flings or go back to your partner and do it with them. The rebel card came out twice (once while shuffling) so there was something about authority aswell. Jealousy, possessiveness and control, this energy is coming more from your side. You may now act like this in your relationships to avoid getting hurt again. You think that if you control almost everything, this will go your way and you won't suffer. that's not how things work cause at the end of day, you are still hurting (both, you and your partner)

𝐏𝐢𝐥𝐞 𝟐:

𝐗. 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐞 & 𝐗𝐗. 𝐛𝐞𝐲𝐨𝐧𝐝 𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐮𝐬𝐢𝐨𝐧.

i kept thinking about pile 1 while doing this reading so if you felt drawn to that you should check it out too!

Many of you may not have had much luck money. You grew up in a financial unstable family. You may have gone through many changes in life that have drained you. This could include different jobs or changing houses cause you couldn't afford your own (some of you might have lived in adoption/foster houses.) You may be upset cause you don't find stability in your life. I heard the message "a cycle of misfortunes is the only thing that is stable in my life" so take how that resonates. Some of you may even use such sardonically humor to cope up with this. When you were young, you had an image of your future self but now you are afraid that you'll never be able to achieve that and it was just a 'silly dream of an innocent child'. People around you may have judged you or made fun of you for being poor/not having a job. You felt inferior to them and this hurt you even. So to protect yourself some of you might lie about your past to fit in. Some of you may have even been rejected because of this. All of this could be because of past life/generational karma.

𝐏𝐢𝐥𝐞 𝟑:

𝐕𝐈𝐈. 𝐚𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐞𝐧𝐞𝐬𝐬 𝐢𝐧 𝐫𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐞, 𝐗𝐈𝐕. 𝐢𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐠𝐫𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧 𝐢𝐧 𝐫𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐞 & 𝐈𝐕. 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐫𝐞𝐛𝐞𝐥 𝐢𝐧 𝐫𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐞.

TW : mentions of abusive realtionship and addiction.

I asked the universe why did i get the cards awareness and integration in reverse and the card rebel in reverse came out.

Just like the cards, you may feel like the things are in reversal and nothing goes in your favour. You may have lost control of your emotions and thus  lost control of your life.  Something big in your life happened that lead to this, i am not getting a clear message so im guessing that is a "secret" that you don't want anyone to know BUT for some of you this might be because of a broken realtionship or a loss of someone you loved. Some of might have been in an abusive and toxic realtionship, I'm just gonna leave at this so take however that resonates. You are stuck in your past and might refuse to take responsibility of your actions and how it affects you and others around you. Since you are stuck in the past you may not be learning from the lessons/experiences that come your way. You may have many emotional outburst and the emotions that you were trying to repress may come out and you may say/do things things without any self control and later on regret it. You may be addicted to gambling (stock market), alcohol/smoking or shopping. All three cards that you got suggest, lack of sef awareness and control so this is an important message and these cards also give one message of guidance :

"let everything go and start all over again. Release old negative destructive patterns and find a new and healthy way of coping with your emotions."

thank you so much for reading!!!