#tumblr ate my quality i want my money back

[galecor3]

leshy you need to not be a freak for one second

[katyawriteswhump]

The freak in the penthouse part 4.1

E-rated (for sexual content), accidental millionaire eddie/sex-worker steve.

On tumblr: Part 1 Part 2 Part 3.1 Part 3.2 or search #thefreakinthepenthouse

On AO3

4.1 Yours are the sweetest eyes I’ve ever seen

After they got out of the plunge pool, Eddie ordered champagne. It arrived mega fast. Steve grabbed the ice-bucket and said, “Balcony?”

He was gone before Eddie could answer. Eddie sheathed himself in his bathrobe as a surrogate comfort blanket. He braced himself to follow Steve somewhere he’d not been for several weeks.

The not-so-great outdoors.

Still, it wasn’t like Eddie was moseying into a packed mall. He took a drag of the stellar-quality Gamja Dustin had sent over and shuffled out. Steve handed him champagne, and he took a nerve-steadying sip.

“Holy shit!” shouted Eddie. “Check out that sunset.” 

“It’s wild. This place pisses all over the Carlton Ritz.” Steve levelled at Eddie’s side, leaning with his elbows on the balustrade. He wore only his tiny hotpants, which nearly distracted Eddie from a renewed fizz of unease:

“You get around, don’t ya, big boy? Worked in all the best hotels?”

Steve shrugged, fixing on the shimmering Hollywood Hills.

“Want a joint?” asked Eddie.

“I’ll pass.” Instead, Steve grabbed a strawberry from a bowl he’d dumped on a nearby sunbed. He tossed it in the air, catching it in his mouth.

Eddie grinned like an idiot. “I totally didn’t order those.”

“They come with the champagne.” Steve dabbed a red juicy smudge from his chin. “They bring out the flavor. Try it.”

He pressed a strawberry to Eddie’s lips, and Eddie wasn’t gonna refuse entry. He bit the strawberry and washed it down with champagne. Steve hadn’t lied—the flavor partied, sweet and sour and fizzy on his tongue. With a smirk, Steve popped another strawberry in his own mouth, then leaned forward for Eddie to bite it.

The kiss was inevitable. Eddie ditched his wine and even his joint, wrapped his arms around Steve, and clung. Steve aced the kiss, clinging too, fingers hooking so tight in Eddie’s hair they tangled and tugged.

Yup, he’s fantastic at making you believe he wants you.

Steve was also making Eddie forget himself, which was cool, cool, cool. They wound up having a dumbass strawberry fight, spattering them across the balcony, smearing them all over Steve’s torso and both their faces. Then they ate the taste out of each other’s mouths while dry rutting on a sunbed. With Steve gyrating on top of him, Eddie soon had a blockbuster erection again… and Steve?

His mask slipped a little when they broke for air. He actually shuddered, and that’s when Eddie felt the goosebumps as he stroked at Steve’s nape.

“You cold?” asked Eddie.

“No way,” said Steve. “It’s only September.”

Liar, liar, pants on fire, thought Eddie. At least it hadn’t been an involuntary shudder of revulsion.

A cool breeze cleaved between them, and Steve shuddered again.

“Wanna go back inside?” asked Eddie. “There’s a pigeon after the strawberries and I swear it’s hexing me with its manic pink eyes.”

Eddie led the way. Steve had already followed before Eddie realised that he’d gone in a different door from the one they came out through. The door that led to the room that he often avoided. The one where he piled the crap he didn’t want to think about, and the one with—

“You’re shitting me, man,” said Steve. “You’ve got a baby grand?”

“Yeeeah.”

“I didn’t even realise there was another room here.”

“Tell me about it. Seems I still get lost in my own penthouse. This is kinda my dump room.” 

Eddie started gathering up his notes from his game design and the probably-fake Hendrix guitar, which lay on the floor. He was considering reacquainting himself with his joint, when a neat chord sounded from the piano. Steve started to sing:

“It's a little bit funny 

This feeling inside

I'm not one of those who can easily hide

I don't have much money, but boy if I did

I'd buy a big house where we both could live—"

Steve’s voice cracked and he coughed briefly into his hand. “Shit! I broke your no music rule.”

Eddie snapped his gaping mouth shut. “No sweat.”

“Elton John not your poison?”

Eddie was still reeling. “I got every respect for the Rocket Man. ‘Your Song’ isn’t quite my kinda song, but… Shit, dude, it’s fine and you’re amazing. You can really belt it out—I’m envious—and where did you learn to tickle the ivories like that?”

“Learned as a kid.” Steve’s laugh was odd, brittle. “I sucked at reading music. Not much good when your parents want you classically trained.”

“They were uncool about it?”

Steve shook his head, slid across the piano stool to make room for Eddie. “They were always super-supportive. Always. They could never find a tutor who’d stick with their loser son.”

Steve sniffed, staring at the piano keys. Eddie was torn between feeling sorry for Steve and a smoldering curiosity to learn what happened to Steve’s “super-supportive” parents.

Only rich kids learned piano, right? Yet here Steve was…

Steve looked up sharply. “Let’s talk about you. Tonight’s all about you, Eddie-babes. Wanna share your rock-and-roll story? You finally gonna spill?”

“What?”

“You gotta be in a band.” Steve nodded at the guitar. “Let me guess. Had a fall-out with your bandmates? Artistic differences?” Eddie started grinding his teeth, and his knees jittered. “Or some other kind of musician? I mean, you got a piano here, dude… though I suppose it comes with the suite… Um, yeah, you don’t have to answer. I’ll zip it.”

Eddie realized he must be looking as pissed as he felt. Which Steve didn’t deserve. Eddie puffed out his cheeks:

“I was in a band. Corroded Coffin. We never hit the big time and I made my big bucks elsewhere—down to two other kids’ Einstein-like eggheads, and nothing to do with music or even lil’ ol’ me, really. No, I don’t play piano. I can mess around with a few chords, hit Middle C. That’s about it.”

“You’re pretty good at hitting my G… spot.” Steve’s hand slithered underneath Eddie’s bathrobe, zeroing in between his tense thighs. “I owe you a blowjob, man.”

Eddie lost his shit laughing. Steve’s dud-tastic smooth talking had totally melted the tension. Steve was stupid levels of nice as well as sexy af, and that was all that mattered. 

“From one loser to another,” said Eddie, blood shooting south, “I’m not gonna fight ya.”

part 4.2 or search #thefreakinthepenthouse

...

On ao3

Likes reblogs and comments much appreciated and will feed the bunnies🐰💕🐰💕🐰💕🐰💕

On tumblr: Part 1 Part 2 Part 3.1 Part 3.2

On AO3 All my ST stuff on AO3

[daisychains111]

live "tweet" books with me (via the Goodreads progress bar) pt.3 Iron Flame by Rebecca Yarros

Live tweeting as I read...back by popular demand (literally 1 person on Tumblr (@dumpsters-little-matchbook) asked me to do it again and I was already planning to)

stay strong Vi....just bc he's hot doesn't mean he's redeemed himself for his (understandably) traitorous ways

"she's worth a dozen of me" Xanden you shut up right now I'm mad at you

I'm glad Brennen's alive but I do not trust him at all...pretending to be dead for 6 years is fishy as fuck

hashtag: Andarna protection club...if anything ever happens to that dragon I'll burn the world

violet "I know more than you" sorrengail back in action

lol Brennen making fun of her love life

petition for violet and sgaeyl mother-daughter bonding

awww andarna, all growed up

moody teenage angst Andarna is the comedic relief we all didn't know we needed...nothing is as iconic as her growling at Violet for calling her my dearest

idk if Tairn signed up to be the sole father figure to two teenage girls but Violet and Andarna are about to give him a run for his money

he deserves not to trust Dain bc Dain is the scum of the earth

RIDOC AND RHIONNAN ARE SAFE AND ALIVE EVERYTHING IS ALRIGHT IN THE WORLD

call his lying ass out Violet as you should

slay violets mom with the redeeming qualities...glad she actually cared if Violet was alive and isn't completely a heartless bitch

fuck dain but also FUCK HIS DAD

the fact that it's him who officially outs them makes me smile hehe

I agree Nadine...that was hot

Xaden being an absolute tease flirt bc she's mad at him is iconic

YAY SQUAD LEADER RHI!!!

the joke was funny, your friends ate just lame (jk I love them but still)

THE PRINCE???

awwww Liam's sister you better make it across istfg

noooo I wanted to be friends with Sloane

violet in her older sister era

gotta love the "is everyone I care about alive? yes? slay" moment

the fact that even tairn is warry of the orange dragon freaks me out

tairn reporting for fatherly duties will never not be my favorite...violet may be annoying but she's his annoying

I'm all for the Violet and Imogen friendship but they better not be mean to Rhiannan

also if Rhiannan gets annoying and jealous about them I'll be really sad

nooo I liked Nadine...who tf just snaps people's necks like that tf

Xaden warding her room so he's the only person who can come in COMEDY

SIMP

hehehe he wrote her a letterrr

violet lying to everyone about her feelings about Xaden except Tairn is so funny...like who's the dragon gonna tell

Xaden is winning every award ever rn bc 1. he's hot as hell, but 2. he's like I wanna sleep with you so bad, but I won't bc it's for the wrong reasons....honorable mf

literally FUCK VARRISH

Sloane needs to get her shit together and Violet needs to stop avoiding her friends

I'm like 80% sure they just got drugged but slay ig

called it...they were totally drugged

tairn comforting Violet about missing Xaden even though Tairn is the one with the bonded mate thing isn't being talked about enough

I would really love to know what those letters say...just saying, sharing is caring

I want to trust jesinia...I really do but it gives me a bad feeling

you let my babies see each other istg...violet is actively moving towards miserable without him

Imogen is slowly becoming the biggest violet/Xander fangirl and I love that for her

give it up Imogen...yall are friends

girlie just wants to be back in a library fr

period Rhiannan...don't put up with Xaden's shit....you threaten him like a bestie should

If Rhi and Violet don't stay friends I'll riot

ooooo don't mess with Tairn's kids...he'll bring that dad defensive

I'm so glad Violet is letting Rhiannan in..be besties again pls

HAHA "SHOWING OFF (MAKING OUT)" IN FRONT OF MIRA....ICONIC

"omg your falling for him" No matter how many times I hear that I'm media I will always be a sucker for it

"you're my only sibling" REALLY MAKING VIOLET SEEM LIKE A TERRIBLE PERSON FOR NOT TELLING MIRA ABOUT BRENNEN....UNCALLED FOR

tik tok says she finally just fucking forgives him in chapter 27... we're on 20, kick into gear people

at her core, Violet is really just like me fr.... 21-year-old girlie pop vibes for the win

 damn the disdain for Dian is STRONG

Rhiannan wins the bestie of the year award....being the best even tho Violet is being a fuckass about not telling her things

DAIN FIGHTING ISNT GONNA DO MUCH BC YOU DONT DESERVE HER AND NOW EVERYONE GETS TO WATCH AS SHE BEATS YOUR ASS

see, I knew her mom was a bitch

Rhiannan and violets friendship rn makes me so sad

This aaric dude better keep his mouth SHUT

really looking forward to Xaden beating the shit out of Dain for the shit he just pulled

besties having beef in private...which honestly I feel like will be a good thing

"that isn't a secret" I love ridoc....also Violet why tf would you think that's a valid secret

them getting graded for withstanding torture is WILD

WHY DO YOU HAVE TO BRING DAIN INTO THIS VARRISH YOU BITCH

VARRISH YOU ABSOLUTE MOTHERFUCKER...I DESPISE YOUR SOUL

I hate dain to but I love him for that...thank you for being a rule-following asshat

two things: tairn constantly being like "duh your fine, I make great choices" is so sweet but absolutely hilarious....and Rhiannan being a slay icon is my favorite thing

WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN JACK IS BACK FROM THE ACTUAL DEAD....SHUT UP RIGHT NOW

I'm so ready to watch the Fab 4 (I've decided that I'm calling ridoc, rhi, sawyer, and Violet this bc they are so slay) kill jack again bc wtf

YES CHAPTER 27 I'VE HEARD GOOD THINGS ABOUT YOU

watch Mira walk in on them right now...that'd be so freaking funny

tairn and Violet's father-daughter bonding is my fave

tairn is a grade-A overprotective father... it's adorable

no literally....tairn is so over her 21 bullshit...I love them

I have no recollection of who Kaori is...but him standing up to varrish makes him my favorite

YES YES YES LET FAB 3/4 KNOW ALL THE SECRETS

ridoc having the vibes to give violet a hard time while his world was just flipped on its head is why I love him

also shout out to Imogen and Quinn bc yall are slay too

why did Jack save her life...go back to being an ass, not sucky jack is frightening

"argue with you about books? I only pick fights I can win" Xaden clearly knows his place

literally just sobbing at the Liam cameo

why does Varrish keep responding to Liam...is Violet talking out loud or like did he pull a jack

damn dain is just...redeeming himself...didn't have that on my 2024 bingo card

her mom redeeming herself too? damn we're on a redemption roll

very serious war book until someone says something like "show off" during an important meeting (cough garrick cough) and you remember that these bitches are in their 20s

Brennan, Xaden, and tairn: violet protection squad

ANDARNAS BACK YYYAAAYYY

YUH SLAY FOURTH WING

flame section is the iron section? One might say they're the iron flame....wink wink

patiently waiting for a sorrengail sibling reunion...pls bring Mira into the loop

YES MIRA BEAT HIS ASS

Mira beating the shit out of Brennan, Violet yelling at them to grow tf up, and ultimately Mira and Brennen rebonding over the ickiness of xaden/violet pda...the best sibling reunion EVER

"I have control" girl be so for real rn...the only time you use your power is when you're mid-orgasm, you're not controlling shit

Mira and Xaden being "let's overprotect violet" partners in crime...straight vibes

Andarna: The Hungry One (trademark)

oooooooo violets in trooouubbblleeee

jealous Violet storyline is about to be just as stupid as I'm keeping my friends safe by distancing myself Violet storyline

oh God not talking in 3rd person

"I wasn't in love with you then," *jim halpert camera stare* stfu xaden

DAMMMMNNNNN he's def being annoying but saying he's acting like dain is looooooowwwww

yeah cat just stfu...violet is better than you don't be a bitch

YOU WEAR YOUR HAIR DOWN VIOLET...TORTURE HIM BUT ISTG IF YOU LET HIM GET AWAY WITH THAT BS....

YESSS Liam mentions make me so happy...also I'm so ready for Violet and Sloane to bond

dain just bc you saved her doesn't mean you're not on extremely thin ice...stfu

HA, a length joke...I like Maren

IF YOU KILL RIDOC RIGHT NOW REBECCA, I WILL HAUNT YOU

HES SAFE....fab 4 lives another day

cat's a bitch...that's all

Cat's a bitch...but you know who isn't? Rhiannan. gave her bestie the best fighting skills

well that's one way to combat jealousy

he really said "You were annoying and emotional last year, this year it's my turn" Live laugh love healthy relationships

fab 4 are my favorite group of fantasy besties ever....icons..every single one of them

I'm very very excited for the Sawyer and Jesinia subplot...also I don't think I'm opposed to a Dain redemption arch, he just needs to learn his place

"I might even be in love with him after that declaration" HA game recognizes game dain, love that for you

ROLL CREDITS

Garrick doesn't get enough credit for being just as awesome as Rhi....slay besties

girlie pop bickering with a side of danger mission and dragon obedience school...my favorite

HAH grammar jokes

 "I get the feeling that this '2nd signet' thing is gonna be a BIG issue...like the plot twist that ends the book BIG

tbh I feel like I don't know him either so I get why she's mad at him

BRUUUUHHH he redeems himself with the "less than a minute" comment

tairn is girl dad...yelling at Violet and Andarna for their shit, yelling at Xaden for talking to Violet...girl dad icon

"Mom and Dad are fighting" See tairn and Sgaeyl are Mom and Dad

poor mama sorrengail...that's not the best way to break that news brennen you bitch

I'm really hoping Violet gets iron squad to go help bc them leaving the others to die is bullshit

they mentioned that the venin had runes, but they were confused as to how. cat is the best at them, and I really really really don't like how sus that is

everyone is so over Violet and her friends bc they're the only ones saying true things

YUH IRON SQUAD...my favorite squad of besties

FUCKING JACK

that was the most stressful thing ever read in my life...if Rhiannan dies I will never recover

I thought Sawyer was going to die and I started crying

YES ANDARNA BE SPECIAL AND SLAY

The fact the andarna hatched just for Violet is so sweet

you better not fucking sacrifice yourself right now violet unknownmiddlename sorrengail

DUMBASS

rip mama sorrengail...this was the redemption arch you deserved

violet breaking down to Rhi is EVERYTHING

FAB 4 LIVES TO SEE ANOTHER DAY (along with Imogen, Quinn, Sloane, Jesinia, Aaric, Maren, and Cat because yall bitches grew on me)

yay xaden's safe, was worried for a bit

IM SORRY WHAT NOW

I'M SORRY WHAT NOW

saying that xaden cant feel sgaeyl better be a fucking joke rn

FUCKING JACK

[spectacle-street]

Life #1

Hi! Hello! I'm starting a new blog series in which I document my day, pictures and all. I wanted to make tik toks originally, but I don't trust my video camera skills and my phone's camera quality is kind of shit. So back to old faithful-- a tumblr blog.

Tonight was weirdly productive for a week night. Normally, I come home and turn my brain off, but I was feeling energetic and dare I say jubilant when I got home today. I think it's because I had a snack before I got home-- I get hangry easily. I hopped in the shower right away because my hair has been absolutely narsty all day and it was bothering me.

The first part of my dinner was some leftover soup from the other night. I love soup so fucking much. I love this particular soup the most right now. It's called Marry Me Chicken and Gnocchi Soup, it's to DIE FOR. I got it off of tik tok (a platform I am shamelessly addicted to). It's the perfect autumn soup, in my opinion.

After dinner part 1 I started making my lunch for tomorrow. I've had stomach troubles all summer so it's actually very hard to find food that I can eat at lunch every day, but I'm determined to eat. I love food and it's incredibly depressing to be limited to only liquids in the middle of the day. Freakin stomach issues man. This is my lunch for tomorrow. The leftover soup has kind of become somewhat curry like and I decided to add in some rice to go along with it. I also cut all of my cucumbers into little star shapes because I'm usually miserable at work and I think this will make me slightly less so.

I recently tried pocky sticks for the first time. They're available at the five below near me and I'm obsessed!! And, finally, in case my stomach has issues, I did pack a microwavable chicken noodle soup. Just in case. I hope.

I took a break while making lunch to fill up my medication container. I always forget to do this, but it makes things way easier when I remember.

I also ate the rest of my rice out of a mixing bowl like an animal

*Cue online window shopping montage*

All things I want and all things I can't get because saving money is more important *sob*

anyways

I'm reading The Book of Abramelin

Probably one of the easier occult books I've read so far, weirdly enough. I'm not sure what makes it so readable because my ability to finish books has been pretty limited lately. I like the way it's written and translated, I think the translator did a good job so there's that! It's also surprisingly funny-- I'm not sure if anyone else has had the same thought, but I've laughed out loud a couple times while reading this.

In between reading, I went to heat up soup for my dad and did a couple of chores. Dad got me a lego, which I'm excited to put together! Not tonight though because it's my bed time.

I got in bed around 8:40 PM, which is early, yes, but I have to be up at 5 in order to get anything done in the morning! Anyways, I'm signing off. Peace and love on planet earth, thank you for reading.

[clownfishofcrime]

I don't usually share my feelings on social media but I feel like Tumblr is different so... Well... Here goes nothing.

I don't really know what to do anymore, it feels like with every step forward it's 2 steps back. With every little joy I find in life some other thing comes and takes it away. I sometimes just want to run away, leave everything behind and start new, but what would that change, really?

I've done that before and the good feeling of a fresh start only lasts so long. I often think "if only this thing was different I'd be happy". it used to be "if only I wasn't so fat" so I lost weight, then it was "if only I wasn't so feminine" and I transitioned, right now it's "if only I had a good job/money" but I know that wouldn't make me happy either. Maybe I'm not meant to be happy?

I remember a bit ago when I was happy. What was different then? Sure, I worked out, ate clean, got up at reasonable times and had a goal in life. Now there is nothing left of that, I don't have the energy to even get out of bed sometimes and I don't know why. I just feel empty.

I used to go for runs late at night when I felt like that just to feel a rush of adrenaline flood my body but now even that doesn't make me feel anything anymore.

And I see all these posts on social media of people doing things, things that will be forgotten within a minute. Things that don't matter. And I am the same.

I post art. I rush it out to somehow keep up with a merciless algorithm that doesn't care for quality but quantity and is making me compete with a machine that creates pictures at the press of a button. And for what? Why do we do all that? Just so another human scrolling past it for a second can tap a little heart icon and then forget about it again? Everything feels so meaningless lately.

And I feel like I'll never be the same me again and that I miss the version of me who was happy. But I'm still me so where have I gone to. I've lost trust in everyone and I have no compassion. I feel like an empty shell of myself.

But I know this will pass as it has before.

[cerastes]

think tumblr ate my ask so I'm sending it again sorry if this shows up twice. but i think the difference between Jaye Nothing and Shining is visible in their weapons. Jaye is a kitchen knife (looks scary, is actually just a cooking utensil, is still a capable weapon) Nothing is his fan (a weapon with a lot of history behind it that the untrained eye might think is harmless or even a little silly) and Shining is just a sheathed sword. Idk about Shalem haven't stolen enough theater kid money yet

Oh, Shalem's is the funniest by far because he's out here wielding a shield based on a Gorgoneion of all things.

Gorgoneion were basically depictions of the Gorgon's head on amulets, talismans, shields, and other such utensils, believed to be a magical protective symbol; Athena and Zeus both wore Gorgoneion pendants, for instance.

It's incredibly fitting for Shalem, since it looks incredibly sinister and intimidating, but it is fact a good luck charm, and likely an attempt to shield himself from his backstory.

Granted, his lore states that he's also skilled with daggers; his desertion began when he used his blade to cut the ropes that bound his would-be victim and then giving them the dagger so they could fend for themselves after he let them go.

So, tying this back to your ask:

Jaye's knife is just a regular, high quality kitchen knife. Sharp, but mundane, an excellent metaphor to how others see him versus how he sees himself.

Mr. Nothing's fan is a tragic keepsake as much as it is his weapon. As much as he wants to run away from his past, he carries part of it with him at all times nonetheless, as his beloved master entrusted it to him before her death. This is also an excellent time to remind you that, even though Mr. Nothing is a funny lad who wouldn't hurt a fly if he could help it, he did say that his ultimate objective is to return to his hometown one day and "settle his debts".

Shining's staff is very much her sheathed blade, presumably her weapon of choice from back when she was in the Confessarius. Appropriately enough, it is a past that she'll eventually have to harness again in full, and the blade shall part from the sheath for good when this happens. It is also likely highly conductive as an Arts medium if she can use it as a staff, much like Nearl's mace is simultaneously a blunt weapon and an Arts catalyst.

Shalem, unlike the past two, quite literally discarded his past when he threw away his dagger. Unlike Nothing and Nearl, Shalem has no intention of revisiting the past, in his mind, he's not running away from something he has to inevitably confront like Nothing, or merely delaying the inevitable and waiting for the time to find her own self once more like Shining is, Shalem really wanted to leave everything, everything behind. The fact that as well-trained assassin as him should choose a shield and to be a Defender should be telling enough of how much he viscerally desires to have nothing to do with his past, unlike the others, who cling to at least a part of their past selves to different degrees.

[hermannsthumb]

Gonna request some camb0y newt who has Hermann as a regular follower who may or may not be requesting used clothing from Newt...😳

this one is less h0rny and more dumb and I died every time I typed newt’s screen name but (ALSO THE FACT THAT TUMBLR KEPT BLOCKING THIS MESSAGE....unbelievable) 18+/not sfw below cut

-------------------

The whole thing only started because of the kaijus.

It seems foolish to place the blame on them, considering the severity of the damage they’ve caused in every other aspect of life, but it’s the truth. Hermann was never brilliant at romance even in the best of times; he never knew quite the right words to say, or quite the right way to kiss, and certainly not how to keep men interested enough to come back for more than a date or two. Then the end of the world came, and the jaeger program ate up what little free time Hermann had, and dating simply fell to the very lowest tier of his priorities. He had work to do. He had lives to save.

Unfortunately, his libido continued to run rampant.

Masturbation could only get one so far, though Hermann was undeterred and tried almost anything: dildos, vibrators, expensive lubricant, a paid subscription to a high-quality pornography website. He cancelled this after a week, when he realized none of its featured men--though undeniably good-looking--fit his particular area of interest. Besides, it was far too impersonal. Hermann did not like spending half of his time watching a video or scrolling through a photo gallery wondering what that man was doing now, or whether or not he’d enjoyed himself, or what he was like in person... In a fit of desperation, Hermann picked up a subscription to another website that promised live men 24/7. And, well. To make a long story short, Hermann is pretty sure he’s in love.

The object of his affections is twenty-something and stocky, a good few inches shorter than Hermann (he’d wager, anyway), with a chestful of tattoos and a voice that’s almost high enough to be grating. Hermann has seen his face only fleetingly, but it’s enough for him to know it’s a highly agreeable one. He’s got a nice sense of humor, seems intelligent enough, and the glimpses Hermann’s caught of the bedroom he streams from (at the perfect time of day, late enough that Hermann’s inhibitions are entirely nonexistent) indicate a healthy love of science fiction. 

Hermann is mostly in love with him because of how good of a show he puts on, though. Where Hermann fails in his use of dildos or vibrators and other nonsense, the man succeeds, and indeed excels, and he’s endlessly creative with dressing in lace and other funny little costumes. It makes for some very inspired jerking off on Hermann’s end. More importantly, it makes for a calming of his libido.

Hermann doesn’t know his real name, only his chosen screen name, though it doesn’t really matter: kaijulover69 is most certainly the man of his dreams.

Well. Nobody’s perfect.

“Tonight’s stream is dedicated to a very special fan for all his support,” kaijulover69 begins. He’s wrapped in a bathrobe, though Hermann has a feeling he knows what’s beneath it, and he flushes pleasantly with warmth at what’s soon to come. “And for what I’m wearing right now. You know who you are. Thanks again, dude!”

His lips are just visible on camera, and he grins coquettishly before slipping the sleeve off his right shoulder. Then the left. “That very same fan requested a strip tease tonight,” he continues, “and--well, I’ll let the rest be a surprise, huh?”

The belt is undone. The robe slips down to the bed, revealing the object of Hermann’s affections clad in nothing but a rather small pair of lacy black undergarments. (And a bloody expensive pair, at that--cost a third of Hermann’s weekly salary. It’s worth it.) You look very attractive, Hermann types encouragingly into the chat box, and hope it’s visible between the pleads for kaijulover69 to flash his face or pull his genitalia out already. 

He doesn’t appear to see any of them. “My week was pretty lame,” he continues. He begins to idly run his hands up and down his bare chest; Hermann mirrors the action on his own, enjoying the shiver he manages to elicit from himself even through two layers of shirt and sweater. “Work stuff has been kicking my ass. And--” His fingers falter. “Well, there’s this guy I really like, and we’ve kinda been...seeing each other, but I just found out he’s actually seeing someone else. So I guess it’s like, I realized I’ve been making all this shit up in my head?”

Who would ever turn down such a marvelous specimen of human? Hermann’s temper flares with a mingling of both righteous offense on the man’s behalf and a little bit of jealousy that he’s not the one who’s so captured his heart. He would like to knock some sense into them, whoever they are.

“But you don’t care about that,” he says, and forces a laugh. “You want to see me mess these up, don’t you?”

His hand drifts down to his panties, and he gives himself a squeeze through them.

“Please,” Hermann says happily, though he knows there’s no one to hear.

------

There’s an email from Newton waiting for him in his inbox the next morning. No subject.

Hey, dude-

Sorry I left you hanging yesterday. I was just a little shocked. Not shocked that you have a partner or whatever, of course you do, that’s totally normal, just that you never told me about them until now. I read over your latest article, and I just wanted to say what an utter load of--

“Hmph,” Hermann says, and quickly scrolls up and away from Newton’s annoying little rant.

Even as he does so, he feels a pang of guilt he doesn’t quite understand. Newton is shocked he has a partner: so what? And, er, so what if that partner isn’t quite as real as Hermann is pretending? The question came at him fast, and unexpected, and so very quickly into the switch from letter correspondence to email; kaijulover69 on his mind, Hermann panicked and wrote yes, I do have someone in my life. It’s not entirely a lie. Though Hermann holds no illusions about the nature of their dynamic, the man has certainly taken up the same amount of Hermann’s time and money that a real partner would. And besides--it’s easier. Less messy. Newton would probably try to set Hermann up with someone, or pester him about his sex life, or even--God forbid--try to offer him advice. (Once I blew a guy in the bathroom of this shitty dive bar, try that, he told Hermann a few weeks ago, and I always take my dates to the aquarium so I can talk about shit and look smart.) 

It’s also helpful in dissuading Hermann from his daydreams and illusions of dating not kaijulover69, but Newton; that, he fears, is an even grander pipe dream.

He skims Newton’s--rather poor--critique of his work, ignoring entirely his comments on Hermann’s partner, and types up a fast rebuttal. Kaijulover69 has another stream tonight, and he doesn't want to miss it.

--------

“The trick,” kaijulover69 pants, “is to just, uh, relax your muscles as much as possible. It’s easier when you’ve got someone doing it for you, obviously, but...”

His chosen method of masturbation tonight is a frightfully large tentacle dildo, wider and longer than any prick Hermann’s seen in his life. Hermann’s not sure if such a dildo would fit inside him; he’s not even sure if it’s going to fit inside kaijulover69. The man is rather compact. It’s stopped about halfway into his body, and even from the rather distant angle Hermann can tell it’s stretching him tight. 

“...I might’ve jumped the gun a little,” the man says, and bursts out into breathy laughter. “Should’ve, uh, should’ve gotten the smaller size. Or worked up to this one.” He works another centimeter into himself before his body goes taut. “Go--go big or go home, I guess?”

One hand moving steadily around his prick, Hermann uses the other to type an encouraging message: Excellent effort.

Kaijulover69 pulls the dildo out to the thinnest section, then once he relaxes, begins a rhythm of short, shallow thrusts. Each time, it goes in a little deeper. It’s very good to watch, and listen to as well; his little gasps, the creaks of his bedsprings, the spread of his legs widening. Hermann briefly considers how badly he would like to be the one pushing it into him and dragging out those sounds, and is surprised to find himself orgasming.

He tips generously once the stream is over: he does like to consider himself some sort of gentleman, and he likes seeing how excited it gets kaijulover69.

-------

The package arrives on an entirely ordinary Tuesday some three weeks later. Autumn has come, bringing with it a rather heavy series of rains, and Hermann is drenched and shivering when he finally ducks into the relative warmth of his flat. The knowledge of what the box tucked under his arm contains warms him considerably; he rented a P.O. Box for one reason and one reason exactly, not even daring to have his name attached to it. It’s gauche, he knows, but--isn’t it a bit like recycling? Kaijulover69 gets a fresh, exciting outfit from Hermann, and Hermann gets it back after he’s--well.

Hermann needs to unwind somehow. There’s nothing wrong with it!

The black lace undergarments are wrapped neatly up inside the box, with a sweet little pink bow on top. Attached to that is a simple handwritten card: To my number one fan! ❤️ There’s plenty more where this came from...

Simple, and innocently flirty. And so familiar it makes Hermann’s blood run cold.

“It’s not possible,” he says.

And yet--isn’t it? Hermann’s never seen his face--either of their faces--and the screen name--

There is no return address on the package, but a frantic search of its wrappings reveals its origin: stamped in black ink over frog-themed postage is BOSTON, MASSACHUSETTS. “No, no,” Hermann mutters to himself, even as he reminds himself (unhelpfully) that plenty of people are from Boston. He tosses it to the bed and clacks over to his desk, clutching the card so tightly it crumples. Newton’s letters are all in the top drawer--he just needs--

The handwriting is a perfect match.

“Bugger,” Hermann groans.

[etraytin]

Quarantine, Day 235

November 1 Candy day! We slept in again today, though not as much because the time change gave us an extra free hour anyway. I got a nice leisurely shower and the guys played more Fallout, which is turning out to be worth far more than the 25 dollars I paid for it in terms of entertainment provided. So much father-son bonding time! If I'd been smart I would've headed out earlier to try and snag the after-Halloween sales, but this was a more fun way to spend the morning anyway. By the time the kiddo and I went on our candy-procuring adventure, Walmart was so packed that we didn't even go inside. Day after Halloween, a Sunday, and the first day of the month means that everybody and their brother was out shopping. We went to Kroger instead, which was also busy but not in the same way that Walmart gets busy. Their candy section was deeply picked over, but we found a few things, mostly in the regular candy aisle. The kiddo initially wanted to blow all his money on the first chocolate he saw, but I pointed out that his money would go a lot further if he didn't go for fancy three-dollar candy bars, though he could get them if he wanted. I pointed him to the dollar and dollar-fifty candy and he quickly agreed that this was wise. Kroger candy is expensive, but the little cardboard box candies are pretty much a dollar everywhere you go. He got Swedish Fish and KitKats and I got Good and Plentys and some Airheads. We also got the ingredients for the steak fajitas I want to make tomorrow, including a stellar deal on yellow peppers that are nearing the end of their useful life.  By the time we finished at Kroger it was lunchtime, so we also stopped by Panda Express for lunch as a special treat. Panda Express is pretty expensive, but it is kind of the kiddo's and my place to go when we want to get a special meal. Back in Florida, the only Panda Express was down in Fort Walton Beach near the cat rescue we fostered for, so whenever we had to get our kittens vetted or turn in a litter, we'd go over to Panda Express and either eat inside or, if we had kittens in the car with us, go through the drive through and sit in the parking lot to eat. I would honestly love to find a really good Chinese restaurant around here, especially one that delivers, but until then, Panda Express is plenty good enough. It reminds me of being a kid, when Panda Express was that restaurant you could only visit if you went to the Chicago Tollway Rest Plaza that was built literally above the highway and was thus the coolest restaurant us small-town kids had ever seen.  After we ate, we stopped by Walgreens (mostly a bust) and Rite Aid (not much candy, but fun electronics clearance stuff). We ended up with a couple bags of different candies, a little head-mounted video camera that was very high quality six or seven years ago and now available for just fifteen dollars, and a weird set of adapters that promise to let you use AA batteries in flashlights that call for D batteries. No idea how they will work, but they were only a dollar so hey. I have been wanting a Go-pro style camera to use while kitten wrangling for a long time, but I absolutely cannot afford to buy an actual Go Pro, so hopefully this will let me capture some hands-free footage of all those middle of the night feeding sessions. By the time we got home it was pouring rain, but I found a spot just outside our place and we just ran for it.  The rest of the day was very laid back, ate too much candy, roasted pumpkin seeds, played video games, tried to ignore social media. I have gotten very little done this past week because doing stuff just seems to increase my already high free-floating anxiety. Social media is especially bad for this, except for Tumblr where nobody really knows what's going on at any given time anyway. I've been listening to podfics and playing stupid phone games just to avoid scaring the shit out of myself. It feels like I'm waiting for test results or something. Two more days. Please, please, please. 

[lovemesomesurveys]

[zombiebandido]

Can you recommend any Neil Gaiman to me, aside from Stardust or Good Omens? I’m not familiar with his work.

What's the best concert you've been to, if you've been? Jonas Brothers and Green Day.

What's the funniest screenname you've ever seen? I’ve been on the internet since I was like 9 years old, I’ve come across many.

Is there an animal you like that most people don't? I don’t think so. Most people don’t seem to dislike giraffes, which are my favorite animal. <<< Same. And doggos.

Is there an animal that you think is overrated in terms of how it's liked? No.

Is there a time period you think is underrated? I’d love to bring the 90′s back, that’s all. <<< I’m in.

What about music? Hmm.

Do you find yourself listening to music that's a bit more esoteric? No.

What are your three favorite books and why? I’m gonna give you my three current favorite artists instead: AJ Rivers, Willow Rose, and Mary Stone. They’re murder mystery and psychological thriller authors with tons of books and I’ve really enjoyed the many I’ve read from each of them.

What about authors? ^^^ Do you have any likes you wouldn't tell someone until you got to know them? Hmm. I think things would just come up over time, not because I’m waiting to tell them.

Do you have a favorite language? Spanish.

What about a place you've always wanted to visit? I’d love to be able to travel all over.

What's something someone does or says that just makes you laugh? Tell me a lame dad joke. I’m a sucker for those. <<< lol I am, too. I came across a compilation post recently on here that was pretty great.

Do goldfish crackers ever make you sick, or is that just me? I’ve never had that issue.

Do you have a favorite art style? No.

Do you have a favorite myth/fairy-tale? There’s several I find interesting and enjoy.

Who is your favorite person aside from family? Alexander Skarsgard. ;)

Do any of your pets (if you have them) have weird quirks? My doggo is very quirky. She’s such a goofball.

Do you listen to music from anywhere besides America? Some.

Have you ever "quit" a site and came back to it more than once? I don’t think so.

Do you have an "odd" fascination with anything? Hm. I don’t think I have any “odd” fascinations. 

What is the thing you want most at this moment? I’d really like to just feel decent today so I can enjoy a nice Easter with my family.

What was the last book you read and what was it about? I’m currently reading, “Cold Highway” by Mary Stone, which is the 4th book in a series.

What was the worst book you've ever read & why? I can’t believe I ever read the Fifty Shades of Gray books. *facepalm*

Do you have a favorite breed of dog or cat? Which? Labs and German Shepherds are awesome.

If you like any anime/manga, what are some titles you recommend? --

What do you think about school in general? I think it’s important to get an education. <<<

What's the hardest thing you've been through, & what did you learn from it? The accident that made me a paraplegic and everything that resulted from it ever since.

What are three "unrealistic" things you want most? Good health is the most unrealistic. 

What are some of your favorite foods? Ramen, garlic parm and lemon pepper boneless wings from Wingstop, and scrambled eggs and biscuits smothered in country gravy.

Where do you like to buy your clothes? Boxlunch and Hot Topic. 

Do you take any daily vitamins? No, but I definitely should be.

Who are three of your favorite fictional characters of all time? There’s so many to choose from, though.

If you had to give the world a pre-existing mythological/fictional being, what would it be? Superheroes, maybe? 

When buying Slurpees, if you do, do you get only one flavor or mix them? I always liked mixing Coke and cherry together.

Do you have a favorite 7Eleven food? I liked getting snacks and drinks from there, but I never ate their pizza or hot dogs or anything of that sort.

Do you have any desire to learn (a) foreign language(s)? Which? I’d just like to be fluent in Spanish.

If you could have any career, "realistic"-ness aside, what would it be? I still don’t know.

What are three memorable movies from your childhood? Mary Kate and Ashley movies, Disney movies, and The Rugrats Movie. Ha, I know I cheated by grouping some together, but whatever.

Do you, personally, put a space after ellipses, or not? No.

What do some of the things that inspire you have in common? I haven’t felt inspired in a long time.

Micky D's sweet tea, y/n/other? I used to like it when I was younger. I couldn’t even tell you the last time I had it, though. 

What are three of your best (non-physical) qualities? Blah.

What are three of your worst (again; non-physical) qualities? Blahhhh.

What is one of your firmest beliefs? My belief in God.

Do you ever question things until you're unsure of even the silliest thing? Sometimes.

Do you have anything that keeps you from doing something you'd truly enjoy? My health.

What are your three biggest pet peeves (personality-wise) in others? Arrogance, close-mindedness, and people who just jump on the bandwagon with certain things without doing their own research and forming their own opinions, not even really knowing what the issue is, they’re just following the crowd. 

Do you work to fix your faults? Or at least, admit to them? I’m quick to own up and admit to all my faults, but do I do I shit about them? ...

What are three of your best physical qualities? (NOT EYES!) Blehhh.

What are some of your greatest aspirations? I don’t have any. :/

How do you hope the world will change, if at all? I wish we could see less division and violence.

Who are three (fairly known) people you find very intriguing? Hmm.

What are three things that make you the happiest? God, my family, and trips to the beach.

What is/are your view(s) on god, religion, spirituality, or relations to? I’m a Christian.

Are you arachnophobic or scared of spiders in the least? YES.

Do you play WoW? What do you think of it either way? Nope.

What kind of computer do you have? Windows 7/Vista/XP/Other? I have a MacBook Air, which currently runs on macOS Sierra.

What are you good at? Nothing.

What career do you hope to have? I really don’t know. :/

Are you taking any interesting classes in school/do you not attend? I’m finished with school.

If you don't attend, are you taking any "lessons" for anything? Nope.

A book/piece that has had an exceptional impact on your life? The Bible.

If you know of pandora.com, what is your favorite station? Actually, I was listening to Pandora recently for the first time in years and came across this 90s, 2000s, and Today’s Hits station that I was really enjoying.

Have you ever "lost" a friend in any way? How did you deal? Yeah, I’ve lost a lot of friends. Some were harder to deal with than others.

Any music recommendations? Check out that Pandora station.

What are at least three of your biggest fears? Losing my loved ones, death, and never getting better/getting worse.

Most recently read book that you liked? I’m currently reading, “Cold Highway” by Mary Stone, which is the 4th book in a series. 

Do you have a piece of jewelry you don't like to take off? No. I haven’t worn jewelry in a long time.

Do you have a favorite quote? Why is it your favorite? I have many. Any odd pastimes you have? I don’t consider any of my pastimes odd.

Are you quirky in any way? (Name them please). My eating habits, for sure. I’m just really picky and particular.

Have any practices you aren't opposed to but wouldn't do yourself? Uhh.

Political standing?

Do you have any piercings/what do you think about piercings? I just have my earlobes pierced.

Do you have a favorite material? My soft, fuzzy throw blanket.

What are three names you'd name a pet if you HAD to get a pet right now? I don’t know. I’d have to see them and see what vibe I get.

Do you like to listen to dorky/amusing music? What would be considered dorky and amusing music?

Coffee vs. Tea vs. Energy Drinks: Order from favorite to least favorite. Coffee, energy drinks (only the Starbucks Doubleshot coffee energy drink), and tea.

Do you like more "fruity" sweets or "savory" sweets? Uhh, I like cupcakes, donuts, brownies, cookies, muffins, and cheesecake type of sweet.

What do you hate the most? My health, myself, and where I’m at in my life.

What genres of music are your favorite? I like variety.

Do you believe in true love? Yeah.

Do you believe in love at first sight? If yes, why? No.

What are some of your favorite clothing accessories? I just wear leggings and graphic tees.

If reincarnation exists, what sort of person would you want to be next? What are some things you believe strongly in? My faith.

Where's your favorite place you've been? Beaches and Disneyland.

What sort of books and movies do you like? Horror, psychological thriller, mystery, and YA for books, horror, psychological thrillers, drama, superhero films, some sci-fi and fantasy stuff like Star Wars, action, adventure, and romcoms for movies.

What's your favorite thing to do on a rainy Saturday? I don’t do anything different, but I do love when it rains.

Is there a book you've read that really touched you? Yeah.

Do you have a favorite artist? As in a painter? No.

PC or MAC? Mac.

What do you love doing? Spending time with my family, reading, scrolling through Tumblr, catching up on social media and trending topics, surveys, listening to ASMR, watching YouTube, watching my favorite shows, drinking coffee, sleeping...

If you could create the perfect world for yourself, what would it be? All my loved ones would be there, good health, money wouldn’t be a concern, happiness, I’d have a house on the beach, I’d be comfortable and relaxed and at peace... stuff like that.

Do you think that fate plays a part in people's lives? No.

Are you religious, spiritual, atheist...? I am a Christian. 

What are your opinions on the media? There’s the good and bad. It can be pretty brutal and problematic, for sure.

Do you think that people throw the words "love" and "hate" around too much? Yes.

What is your favorite piece of technology that you own? My laptop and phone.

What's a piece of technology you'd like to own? I have what I want at the moment. 

Are you afraid of technology developing to where we're too reliant on it? Oh, we’re waaaay past that point.

Does it bother you when people do things to fit in with a certain crowd? When they’re doing problematic things. 

Hot or cold? I’d much rather be cold. I like being wrapped up in a blanket, wearing hoodies/sweatshirts, and drinking hot coffee. Being hot is just miserable.  Do you think that Bzoink should extent the character amount for questions? I don’t use Bzoink.

Do you have a favorite combination of complimentary colors? A lot of colors look nice together.

Do you know why all the young people who have nice cars always look grumpy? I don’t think I’ve noticed that.

What's your favorite odd ice cream flavor? I don’t like any odd flavors. What’s with you and odd stuff?

Where do you like to get your ice cream? I’m not a big ice cream person, but the store is fine, ha. It was nice going somewhere like Cold Stone or something as well, though. I haven’t had ice cream in years, though.

What's your opinion on stereotypes/labels? Labels can be useful in some cases.

Do you ever use random word generators for Bzoinkoids?

Do you believe that history repeats itself? Absolutely. There’s proof of that.

Would you rather learn from your mistakes or just undo them? Ha, it’d be nice to be able to undo them.

What was the most interesting class you had in school? I always enjoyed English. And then of course I found a lot of my psych classes interesting. Do you write? If so, what? Nope.

Do you have a favorite website? Tumblr and YouTube.

Do you think that the quality of TV shows is going down? No, there’s so many good shows.

Do you have a favorite culture? Learning about different cultures is interesting. What was a story you heard as a child that really affected you? Hmm.

Who was your favorite grade-school teacher and why? Mr. McG, my 4th and then 8th grade teacher. He was everyone’s favorite. He made learning so much fun and really cared about his students.

Do you think that the world will end? How? Yes, how the Bible says it will.

Do you believe in Global Warming? Have you researched it? Yes.

Do you prefer piercings or tattoos? I only have my earlobes pierced and I have zero tattoos, soo I can’t say I’m big on either one.

Do you remember your dreams? Very, very rarely.

[kiwiwatermelonsupreese]

ASoUE kids modern AU

- Violet makes incredibly high-effort tiktok videos that get frustratingly low traffic. she is obsessed with tech unboxing videos and minecraft playthroughs. she is a cosplayer who specialises in high-quality props and armor. probably got a write up in the local paper for fucking around and accidentally discovering some kind of highly sophisticated carbon-storing method. always has like 4 monster energy drinks in her school bag at all times.

- Klaus is a political junkie. gets detention like once a week because he cannot keep his mouth shut when someone around him is being an idiot, especially not if it’s the teachers. frequent poster on r/todayilearned. his sense of humour is basically incomprehensible because every joke he tells requires knowledge of at least 5 niche literary references or historical events. Both he and Violet are budding cinephiles and they frequently get into spirited debates about whether or not movies are good.

- Isadora has multiple instagram accounts for her typewriter poetry and niche memes. she dresses like billie eilish and cried when MCR announced the reunion tour. her favourite netflix series is The OA. she knows all the songs from Cats. she makes extra pocket money by doing tarot readings via video call. has played acoustic guitar for 6 years. bonds with Fiona over their shared love of horror movies and desire to become vegan. comments ‘I would die for you’ on all of Violet’s instagram posts.

- Duncan had a poster of Hunter S Thompson up on his bedroom wall and has applied for an internship with Vice about 20 times. He's got a wordpress account where he writes long opinion pieces on current events and how nobody in his life takes him seriously. hoards extremely bizarre memes from reddit and his only friend who laughs at them is Klaus, everyone else just looks at him and asks ‘are you okay?’. he asked his parents if they would let him fly to nevada and storm area 51 but they said no.

- Quigley and Duncan are both obsessed with the show Dark Tourist. Quigley has, at the very least, a bronze duke of edinburgh award. he’s the closest thing the group has to a jock. he wears timbs every single day of his life. big fan of hozier. has an extensive collection of crystals and a pinboard where he sticks magazine cutouts about places he wants to go backpacking when he turns 18. the most likely of the gang to take up vaping.

- Fiona for sure was the ‘you know ring-a-ring-a-rosey is about the black death’ kid and that’s why she and Klaus are perfect for each other. She collects and mods funko pop figurines as a hobby and most of her creations are (intentionally) horrifying to look at. She has in the past said ‘my kintype is a blobfish’ and nobody knows if she’s serious or not. periodically makes facebook/tumblr posts that are like ‘if you can see this, congratulations, you survived my follower purge’. She’s done shrooms at least once. 

- Carmelita is a dyes her hair every time she feels like people aren’t giving her enough attention, so naturally it’s been bleached to hell and back and is falling out as a result. She got banned from club penguin a full 4 times before the website was shut down. used to do vine but she wasn’t actually that funny. has had multiple ‘boyfriends’, all of whom she has broken up with for incredibly stupid and frivolous reasons after about 3 days. makes up for being short by being able to throw a solid right hook. constantly bullies the others via every social media platform possible. one time she actually ate a tide pod and almost died. when asked about the incident she will claim it was worth it for the goof.

[kopykunoichi]

The Legacy of Star Wars: An Open Letter to the Writers and Creators of A Galaxy Far, Far Away

“Suddenly the Rebellion is real for you. Some of us live it. I’ve been in this fight since I was six years old!” ~ Cassian Andor

I saw a great meme once that played off that quote, meant to depict an older fan describing to a newer fan how they had been invested in the story of Star Wars from childhood. I could relate. Though I am not old enough to have seen the original Star Wars movies in theater, they were a significant part of my childhood. I remember renting the original theatrical VHS from our local video store all the time when I was little. Then we bought the digitally remastered Special Edition VHS Box Set and I spent the next decade wearing them out! We would have popcorn and Star Wars marathons all the time. My friends and I would always pretend we were in the story. My swingset was the Millennium Falcon. I was that 11-year-old girl who would argue with my friends over who was hotter - Luke or Han. (The correct answer is Han, of course!) My mother would read the Expanded Universe novels to me in the afternoons and we would talk about the characters. All my spending money went to Jedi Apprentice books and 6 inch action figures. In short, I loved Star Wars. 

I was 13 when The Phantom Menace hit theaters, and I couldn’t believe how lucky I was to get to see new stories from my favorite fictional universe play out on the big screen. Though I struggled a bit with some of the acting, the story was absolutely amazing to me. Star Wars felt all the more real to me with the amazing graphics and intense action sequences - not to mention the layers of politics and the complexity of the story. I watched Revenge of the Sith several times in theaters, and though it broke my heart to see Anakin’s fall, I never considered it to be a sad ending overall, when taken as a whole with the original trilogy. 

When the Clone Wars aired in 2008, I was ecstatic. Here was an Anakin I could actually get into (sorry, Hayden). I loved him. I adored Ahsoka. I wanted to marry Rex. The character development and the plot deepened my attachment to that era, and made me question everything I had previously taken for granted as good and bad. The whole system was flawed - the Republic and the Jedi. It wasn’t just a matter of mistakes being made and the wool being pulled over their eyes, there was deep rooted corruption in the side that I once felt was “good”. The light side and the dark side were not as black and white as I thought. I found myself strongly disliking some of the “good guys” and deeply sympathizing with some downright detestable people (I don’t know how you got me to care for Maul, Filoni - but well done). While the series had not yet ended, we knew where it was going. But still, we had already lived through the pain of Order 66, and we knew that the story would eventually culminate in a victory at the end of Return of the Jedi.

I couldn’t believe our luck when the first installment of the sequel trilogy hit the theaters in 2015. It had some of the feelings of a reboot, but I was beyond thrilled to have a series of Star Wars movies that I could now share with my children, as my parents had shared them with me. Though it was hard to say goodbye to the first love of my life, Han Solo - I just knew that Ben would be redeemed and Han’s sacrifice would be worth it...

2016 brought us Rogue One. We knew how that one was going to end too, but we still ate it up. I fell in love with a whole new set of characters, only to see each and every one of them die in the end. Talk about tragedy. But Leia’s line about hope reminded us that five minutes later, a whiny little farm boy was about to have his whole life upended in the best sort of way...so it was okay. Sort of.

Four years of Rebels ended in 2018, and it was so, so lovely - but it hurt so, so much. My perfect, beautiful space family had been torn apart with Kanan’s death. Ezra was missing. Rex was a 29-year-old man who should have been in his prime, but was instead struggling with the wear and tear of a 60-year-old body. Ahsoka was separated from him - AGAIN - and then she left with Sabine to look for Ezra. The ending still held the promise of the fight to come with the Empire, but the majority of our characters were left in a place of grief and brokenness.

2019 brought an end to the sequel trilogy. Once again, we had characters who pulled at our heartstrings, and an interesting struggle between “light” and “dark” that reminded me of the complexities introduced in The Clone Wars. It became more apparent than ever that balance in the Force did not mean the light triumphing over the dark, but instead a harmony between the two. At least, that’s what I thought. Until I watched every person I loved from the original trilogy die, Palpatine come back (and die) again, and the same exact ending of Return of the Jedi played out before me - except not as happy. Why? Because Anakin’s legacy had been reduced to ashes - his rise, fall, redemption, and sacrifice rendered null and void. The last Skywalker was redeemed and promptly killed, just like his grandfather. But because Rey Palpatine decided that she identified as Rey Skywalker, it was supposed to be okay. She then went to go hang out (or live?) alone on Tatooine because that’s where it all started. I was dumbfounded. This was the satisfying, hopeful, ending we were promised? How? 

Believe it or not, I’m not here to trash the sequels - I enjoyed them very much - right up until the last 20 minutes. But in that space of time, the entire legacy of the Skywalker family went up in smoke, and the legacy of Star Wars along with it. Since Return of the Jedi, there have been no happy endings to a Star Wars movie trilogy or TV show. And with the ending of The Rise of Skywalker, that one happy ending we did have was ripped from us as well. Star Wars is now a never ending series of tragic endings. The lessons we are left with: Don’t fall in love in Star Wars, it will end badly. Your actions ultimately result in failure. As soon as you turn good, you die. There is no balance in the Force, just a pendulum swinging back and forth for all time. 

Then The Clone Wars finally got her last season. I didn’t think Order 66 could have hurt worse, but Filoni set out to prove us all wrong...and succeeded. I’m still not over it. And once more, the bitterness I felt over the ending to the sequels (which had begun to subside) flared up all over again. What was it all for? All that pain. All that sacrifice. No happy endings. 

I still love Star Wars. Nothing can take that away from me. No amount of bad writing can change that. And there are still plenty of good writers and creators working on Star Wars content. But good writers spinning tales of tragedy and endless pain negates the power of good writing. The Star Wars of my childhood is not the Star Wars of today. We wore out those VHS tapes because we loved the stories and the people. But my kids are not going to wear out DVDs where everyone they love dies or ends up alone. They aren’t going to queue up those digital movies and series over and over - because who wants to subject themselves to that kind of torture?

Just about the only safe space for Star Wars fans right now is fanfiction archives where the people who love the characters are busy writing fix-it fics to squeeze some sort of satisfying ending out of the canon content. The Mandalorian is literally our last hope for a Star Wars story that has the potential to end well. I swear, if Din Djarin ends up dead or alone at the end of this series, I’m going to lose it. The overwhelming sentiment of the Star Wars fanbase - from original trilogy fanboys to Tumblr blogging Reylos, and everyone in between - is that of dissatisfaction with canon content (with the exception of The Mandalorian). So much so, that many fans are just saying “screw it” and churning out a myriad of fanfiction AUs because there is no way to salvage what has been written. Half of Tumblr is in therapy after The Rise of Skywalker ending and the last episode of Clone Wars - but they weren’t exactly stable to begin with. The other forums and social media platforms are not much better, though.

It’s not just about the quality of writing - because Filoni and co. have done exceptional work with The Clone Wars, Rebels, and The Mandalorian. It’s the tragedy, guys. We can’t take it anymore. Is this really what we want the Star Wars legacy to be? Sadness? Despair? It’s a story about war - people are going to die. I get that. Victory comes at a price, but the cost can’t be worse than the victory. I want to sit down with my kids and watch Star Wars over and over again. The Mandalorian has given us a taste of that - but I’m almost afraid of where it will go. We’ve been burned so many times, I’m beginning to know what Anakin felt like on Mustafar - writhing in agony and screaming “I hate you” to someone he once loved. 

I remember happier days when Luke and Leia and Han were laughing and smiling with their friends while Yoda, Obi-Wan, and Anakin looked on. I want that back. Filoni. Favreau. Creators. Writers. Producers. Directors. You are our only hope for canon content. Use The Mandalorian wisely. Use Din’s story to bless other characters. Here’s some ideas:

Let Din have a happy ending! Preferably with someone he loves and respects at his side (like Cara). 

Let Cara become a Mandalorian - and put Paz Vizsla in charge of her training (we need to see them spar).

Let what’s left of the Tribe establish a new Mandalorian colony - and let Sabine Wren lead it. And give her that Darksaber back - she earned it. 

Let Ezra come back from regions unknown with a deeper understanding of the Force, and have him train the child in the new colony. 

Forget the Jedi and Sith, let’s start a medical training center/hospital run by Force users who can help heal people when modern medicine fails! 

Ahsoka can use her talents for that too. 

Find the rest of the child’s race and bring any of their Force sensitives onboard. 

Let Boba Fett and Din have their epic showdown, but then use a sample of Boba’s unaltered DNA and some mystical Force healing to restore Rex’s body to what a 43-year-old should be (and then he can marry Ahsoka so we can have the Clone/Jedi couple we always wanted...thanks to you, Filoni).

Let the Mandalorians partner with the New Republic in the Outer Rim as law enforcement instead of bounty hunters, so they can get their reputation back. 

They can train new recruits and pilots, just like Fenn Rau trained clones. 

Let them keep their autonomy and traditions, while helping keep the New Republic honest.

Let them be a force for good in the galaxy, for once. 

The Mandalorian could serve as the vessel to give a lot of characters with unresolved or tragic storylines some closure and better endings. If not The Mandalorian, then other new shows. My 6-year-old daughter wants nothing more than to be Ahsoka Tano. My 3-year-old son asks me to watch The Mandalorian every day. My 18-month-old daughter walks around in her brother’s Mandalorian helmet babbling “Way”. Please let me share the Star Wars legacy that I grew up loving with them. Let me show them the happy endings I enjoyed. Let me show them that even in the midst of conflict, not every life has to be ruined. Let me show them a Star Wars story with a satisfying ending. Hope. Redemption. Love. That’s what Star Wars means to me. 

May the Force be With You (and your pens),

Rebekah, A Star Wars Fan

[imacrowcawcaw]

@oblvions @shes-outta-sight @lazingonsunday @karrotkate @satans-helper thank you all for the tags 💗💕

A buttload of info about me:

Last thing I read: "Lovers" by @satans-helper 😍😍😍

Favorite Book: The Merry Adventures of Robin Hood by Howard Pyle

Favorite Movie: Beetlegeuse

Dream Date: Imagine this: a nice, plush couch, covered in down pillows and fluffy blankets. There is a fire in the brick fireplace, the wood smoke combines with the scent of Nag Champa incense and the homemade treats that cover the low table next to the couch. There are brownies, bread rolls, cheeses, bowls of fruit, dipping sauces, cakes, sandwiches - a whole feast of my favorite foods. My partner and I would cuddle up on that couch, listening to my favorite symphonies on the record player in the corner and talking for hours. This isn't really a first date thing, more like an established relationshil date, but god I'd love to just spend an afternoon surrounded with my favorite things and my favorite person.

Do I have a crush?: Not really. There are people I find very very attractive (a friend, Sam Kiszka, Duff Mckagan in his 20s, Lucy Lui) but nobody that I'm actually romantically and sexually into.

Hobbies: Swimming, observing nature, browsing Pinterest, daydreaming, writing, reading, making art, singing, listening to music, love to cook

My favorite time of day: late afternoon, right before the sun sets. I'm usually free to do what I like, the temperature starts to drop, I can watch the sun... it's nice

If I could choose what I looked like, anything, what would it be?: I want tattoos, and more piercings, I'd love to change my hair color again - it's been natural for awhile but I think I want either burgundy or bright blue. WINGS! I kind of want giant, strong fairy wings, and maybe glowing eyes, a forked tongue, and tattoos that move and change (kinda like Maui lol)

Am I romantic?: Yeah, I'd say I am. I love to treat people, friends and significant others, but I'd be especially affectionate and romantic for a partner. I'm constantly buying gifts and things that remind me of them, cooking for them, planning dates and buying tickets for things I know they like, quietly taking care of stuff I know they need to do, cuddling, complimenting... I love to shower my partner in affection 24/7

My favorite kind of weather: Late Autumn, generally. About 55ºF, cloudy but not raining, windy

What do I like to talk about?: Lol I talk a whole lot and I've probably talked about everything at some point. One of my close friends and I particularly love to debate religion, mythology, magic, history, and the intersections of those. We also regularly plan heists and crimes lmao

My turn-ons: Long eyelashes, pouty lips, dirty hands (motor oil, paint, flour, etc), sarcasm, seeing someone get excited about something, compassion, casual physical affection

My turn-offs: Nastiness without a reason, knees (I just think knees look weird idk), Trump supporters, 100% pessimism (I understand being depressed or doubtful or being generally a pessimist, but if you adamantly refuse to see anything in a good light and try to ruin it for others f u c k y o u)

If I got a tattoo, what would it be and where?: ohhh I want tattoos so bad but I'm saving up and I'm not certain about some yet.... but I know that I'm getting a tree of life matching with my mom, I want mushrooms, pine trees, lavender, wildflowers (all for personal reasons). I'd also like to make maybe a charm bracelet of sorts with little charms for my favorite bands, books, movies, and other peices of media. I know that interests change and I might not like something in 30 years, but I see my life in periods of interests and I want to catalogue the things that shaped me

My pets: I have 3 cats - Pumpkin Pie, Lady, and Sweetheart

My dream job: I just want to live a free life doing what I want. I want to grow my own food for the most part, and raise animals, and paint, and write, and play music, and go on random adventures, go antiquing, decorate my home from my travels, learn without expectations - I don't want to exchange a fulfilling life for financial security from some mundane modern job.

My dream place to live: Secluded, in the forests of Oregon (or maybe Pennsylvania idk) on the bottom third of a mountain, on my own little farm

My dream vacation: I just wanna go explore historical landmarks and buildings

My dream house: A beautiful historical house -- like an 1870s American farmhouse, or a craftsman cottage, or a Victorian painted Lady, or maybe a New York brownstone -- filled with antiques and records and books and artifacts that I've collected. I LOVE antiques so much, everything would be of fine craftsmanship, it would be lavish and inviting and packed with interesting items at every turn (I want my house to be a curios shop lol) I also want a big ass kitchen and nice woodwork, I literally get horny over original built ins

My piercings: Sadly, I only have my standard ear piercings right now, but I think I'll get more soon. A nose ring, eye brow bar (yes I know that's so 2000s but I like them), probably 4 more on each ear, navel, nipples

If I had kids, what would I name them?: I love older, interesting names, so - Euphemia, Hartford, Monroe, Malory, Louise (me lol), August, Fredrick

My worst traits: I'm incredibly stubborn; I love talking to people but I'm awkward; lazy and don't care; I'm a bit of a collector/hoarder; I bottle up any anger or sadness I feel so I don't inconvenience others

My best traits: I love to give and help; I try to make people comfortable around me/in my home; I have excellent taste; I appreciate quality, culture, and creativity; I have many interesting interests that I'm eager to share and learn more about; I'm very creative

My worst fear: a painful death - I'm not afraid of dying, even though I'd rather not, I just don't want it to hurt

What do I want to eat right now?: Well, considering that I just ate my first bit of solid food in 3 days and immediately had to run to the bathroom... nothing

My favorite vacation memory: *blushes* my first kiss AND nearly my first time (we went like halfway): making out with this dude, son of my mom's friend, at my family cabin

My favorite city: I really don't know. Timber, OR, let's say

My favorite social media platform: Tumblr or Pinterest (does that count?)

My favorite article of clothing: My leather motorcycle jacket. I can't actually ride a motorcycle (trying to remedy that because *sexy*) but I got it a few years ago and it makes me feel so fucking badass. It's heavy, about 15 pounds of good quality leather, has lots of secret pockets in the lining and some cool looking zippers and studs, but nothing crazy. It's hella warm and comfy, I wear it everyday it's cold enough to

Do I play any sports?: pfft no. I like to swim, and I'm interested in baseball and tennis, but I suck at them and also I just don't like team sports

My favorite meal: What I order when I go to Buffalo Bills - a pesto/feta/mozzarella/Italian sausage/basil/tomato/garlic pizza, with homemade potato chips and chunky blue cheese dressing for dipping. If I had room, I'd finish with Marionberry cheesecake pie from Sherri's (but I am incredibly sick and have no faith in getting better enough so I feel like I'll never be able to eat like this again)

What am I excited for?: The winter holidays! I'm atheist, so Christmas is all about the personal stuff and non religious family traditions for me. I love the decorations, the music, seeing my family, baking, giving and receiving presents, it's all just so fun

What am I not excited for?: Cleaning my room, it really really needs it though. Also just continuing to live like this. I'm not suicidal, I'm just in a lot of pain constantly and I don't know what to do

When was the last time I cried?: an hour or so ago, I'm in loads of pain right now

What is something I hate about the world?: There's too much to choose from

What is something I love about the world?: children and nature

My favorite scents: vanilla, lavender, pine, Nag Champa incense, BBQ meat, pizza with basil, rosemary, my Dad's cologne

Cats or dogs?: kitties 💗

What kind of sleeper am I?: A weird one lol. I can't lay on my stomach for more than 15 minutes without it making me incredibly nauseous for the rest of the day, but it's also my favorite way to sleep cause its comfy somehow... I can't lay on my back without a pillow either, 30 seconds in and the nerves pinch so bad I'm screaming. I snore, and I sleep deep, but it takes a long time to fall asleep and usually only beeping or banging noises wake me up??? Like I said, I sleep weird

How long would I survive in a zombie apocalypse?: I really don't know. I have some skills and the drive to learn to fight, but I am currently, as I'm sure y'all can tell, very sick and I don't think I'd be able to live with so much movement and so little medicine

Am I trusting?: Generally, I probably trust too much but I'm not gonna stop

What fictional characters do I identify with?: there are many I like but none I identify with

My most common labels: Mom friend, butch, that weird fat chick (doesn't bother me tho), the well behaved daughter, old soul

My life's anthem: I really am not sure if this is a good anthem song but I love it so so much... Take Me In Your Arms (Rock Me A Little While) by Kim Weston - you see where I get my love of long titles lol

Problems I'm dealing with: my health and whatever painful sickness is wrecking me, figuring out what to do with my life, saving money, getting my anxiety under control, getting the house to actually heat up because I'm cold as fuck

How can someone win me over?: let me express my interests and feelings, show kindness, be funny

What is something people don't know about me?: Idk

Not tagging anyone, this took over an hour

[mr-entj]

Can you talk about the quality(ies) or trait(s) that contributed most to your success? I read about your adversity and I want to know what is your personal mindset of getting through those challenges.

Combined with the following asks:

Hello, Mr. ENTJ. Have you ever been depressed? How did you manage to come out of the rut and find the will to live on? I realize that this is a personal question, and you don’t really have to answer but it’d help in understanding different paradigms and help someone who else who is struggling. Thank You

Related answers:

What do you think is required from a person to succeed ?

Dealing with failure and overcoming adversity

What are some of your top habits that have helped your success? What are some habits in your life you think you need to change?

Did the qualities you’ve mentioned (emotional self-regulation, mental fortitude) come naturally to you? Was it something you had to develop? How can I develop them? Thanks for dedicating your time to this blog. Helped a lot.

The answer is grit (resilience). I have an abundant supply of resilience that’s carried me through a childhood rife with crushing poverty, domestic abuse, physical danger, health crises (hip reconstruction, cancer), rejection, failure, and all the in-betweens that life threw at me to get to where I am today.

To develop and maintain grit, there are 3 core values carved into my soul:

1. “I am not a victim, I am my own hero.”

This stops spirals of self-pity and feelings of helplessness. This creates hope and courage. This reminds me that while I’ve been on the receiving end of some awful events (I mean, truly, ridiculous shit), I still have within me to change my circumstances– then I do it.

Poverty? I put myself through school (I paid 100% of my own tuition, no help from my parents– not a single penny– for undergraduate and graduate school), grinded through 6+ years of studies to graduate from 2 elite universities at the top of my class, hustled through my career, and now I’m wealthy. My parents never have to worry about money again, ever, my wife is taken care of, my daughter is spoiled rotten, my vacations are booked, my bank account is fat, my stock portfolio is cruising, and my career is skyrocketing. I have clothes on my back, a roof over my head, food in my stomach, and a smile on my face.

Physical danger? I fulfilled a lifelong dream to move my family out of the ghetto, buy our parents a home a few years back, and they now live in an affluent neighborhood within a gated community.

Health crisis? I saw the best physicians available, ate healthy, exercised, and continue to take care of my health to the best of my ability. I’ve recovered, I’m well, I’m healthy, I’m cancer free, I’m pain free.

There are many things in life that are unfair and out of your control; but how you prepare for the worst, plan for the best, and respond to those circumstances are in your power. That’s where you need to step up and shine. There will be amazing people along this journey that will help by providing advice, encouragement, and support but at the end of the day they have their own lives to live, their own problems to solve, and their own mountains to climb so you must always be your own advocate. You can’t hitch a ride on their wagon because they’re not going where you’re going. This is your ship and you are the captain, it’s your responsibility to steer it in the right direction so master the things within your control.

2. “Tomorrow will be better.”

This helps with impatience when progress is slow and fights off doubts and despair when changes don’t come as quickly as I want. This creates discipline and consistency. I always tell my wife, the INTJ, after every setback that “I feel like something good is waiting for me around the corner. I don’t know what it is, how it’ll come, or when it’ll come, but I feel it.” And it inevitably does as long as I show up, give 100%, and keep working towards my goals.

“Tomorrow will be better” helps me take things step by step because I have the tendency to look a hundred miles down the road and cringe at the distance still left to travel. I’ve repeated this over and over again, through my crap retail job at Target, through being a janitor scrubbing toilets in the mall, through my long hours cramming for the MCAT, through high stress in my consulting job, and so on and so forth. 1 day becomes 1 week, 1 week becomes 1 month, 1 month becomes 1 year, 1 year becomes 10 years, and suddenly we’re in 2019 and I’ve graduated from my dream schools, I work in my dream job, I’m married to my dream girl, I drive my dream car, and I’ve traveled to destinations around the world I used to only dream about.

Confucius wasn’t playing around when he said “a journey of a 1000 miles begins with a single step.” It won’t be an overnight thing. If your goal is to lose weight, then you’re not going to do 100 push-ups today and get a six-pack tomorrow. If your goal is to raise your grades, then you’re not going to read a chapter and magically get a 4.0 GPA tomorrow. I didn’t snap my fingers one day and suddenly my dream life appeared at my doorstep the next morning. That’s not how it works. However, if today is better than yesterday, and tomorrow is better than today, then those wins will add up over time until you finally get to where you’re going.

3. “You’re going to have to kill me to stop me.”

This is not an exaggeration, this is a fact. This creates tenacity and stamina. You may be smarter than me, you may be taller than me, you may be richer than me, you may be more handsome than me, you may be better than me in every facet but you are not going to outwork, outhustle, or outlast me. Period.

Learn to fight like hell.

This is a mentality I take towards every goal I’ve set because it keeps me alert, prepared, and responsive to seize opportunities as soon as they pop up. I always tell people around me whenever we’re working on their goals to “be ready” because if you’re ready, then you don’t need to waste time getting ready. Opportunities in life fly by in a blink of an eye like a job posting that opens and closes because you didn’t have a resume prepared, a scholarship perfectly matched for your background that got away because your grades weren’t high enough, or the love of your life that gets away because you weren’t available when you two crossed paths. Be ready and stay ready so when the opportunities present themselves you can immediately seize them.

I achieve this by being in constant motion in my life; I am reading, I am exercising, I am traveling, I am working, I am mentoring, I am meeting new people, I am growing relationships with the people I already know, I am perfecting my craft, I am expanding my network, I am learning a new skill, I am building my knowledge, I am recharging, I am reflecting on my life, priorities, mistakes, and next steps– I am improving every single day and I don’t stop. I stay insanely busy, which you might’ve noticed if it’s taken me 6 years to respond to your ask or Tumblr message (my bad), with meaningful things that add to my life. I move with purpose, I work like I’m possessed.

The United States Armed Forces has a saying:

“Everyone wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.”

There are many people in this world who fall short of their full potential because they aren’t willing to work or fight for what they want. They hit a little speed bump, lose heart, and give up, but with a little digging it becomes obvious they didn’t try hard enough to push through the barriers. I worked 3 jobs from 3AM to 8AM and 12PM to 10PM while taking classes to pay tuition and rent, I scrubbed toilets, I bussed tables, I lived on packets of ramen for weeks because that was the only food I could afford, I studied by flashlight, I slept in my car, I walked to work in the rain when I couldn’t afford gas, I studied from outdated textbooks in the library because I didn’t have the money to buy or rent new ones, I attended every career recruiting event, I showed up at office hours to every class I struggled in, I chased every tutoring session until I understood the subject matter, and I was always the first one in and last one out of the classroom or the office wherever I was. I always fought for it. I exhausted every option so that even if I failed, I could sleep peacefully knowing I had done everything in my power to succeed, I had closure that I did my absolute best.

And that’s how I did it.

That’s how a scrappy kid born in poverty in the slums of a third world Southeast Asian country, raised in an unstable home, and burdened with too many challenges to list, became educated, graduated, elevated, and gainfully compensated. To not only survive in life, but to thrive.

[ghxstype]

ZEPHIA I DID IT

3 Fears - the ocean, the dark, angry men

3 things I love - my friends, my pups, myself

2 turn ons - someone who is comfortable with themself & humor

2 turn offs - if you’re not open-minded & naivety

Best friend - I have a few Michelle Sabrina and Zephia are my mains tho

Sexual Orientation - Bisexual

Height - 5 ‘7

What do I miss - idk if I really miss anything like there’s friendships that I might miss but like they were toxic lmao

Fav Color - green

Crush? - I always have a crush on someone, whether it’s a serious crush or the one girl at the metaphysical store I met one time

Fave place - Death Valley

What am I listen ring to rn - Elf the movie

Shoes size - 9.5

Eye Color - Light Brown

Hair Color - brown with a streak of green rn

Meaning behind URL - Persephone

Fave Song - I have many rn is Self Care by MAC Miller

Fave Band - love the 1975

How I feel rn - content

Someone I love - myself

Current relationship status - Singleee

Relationship w/ parents - eh

Fave season - winter/fall

Tattoos piercings I have - two conch, one daith, lobes, and cartilage

Tattoos/piercings I want - nipples redone, tongue, smiley, nose repierced, septum, industrial redone, and I want a nature/wicca themed sleeve

Reasons I joined tumblr - all my friends were on it

Good morning/ good night texts - I haven’t gotten a good morning/night text since HS

Have I kissed the last person I texted - uhhh no

How long does it take to get ready in the morning - it can take me 5 minutes it can also take an hour and a half

Last time you shaved your legs? - three days ago

Where are u rn - home

Music loud or reasonable level - a mix of both

Yes I live with my mom and dad

I am excited for Friendsgiving with my loves tomorrow

I do not have someone of the opposite sex that I can tell everything to

I wear a fake smile mostly at work

I would like to meet ZENDAYA

I think about ... money the most

I prefer to be behind the camera

The last lie I told was I was sent home from work because I was afraid my mom would get mad at me if she knew I didn’t go at all

I really like video chatting

Yeah I believe in ghosts and aliens we think we have a ghost in win my house

I am a witch therefore I believe in magic

Yes I believe in luck/karma

The weather is cold rn

Last book I read was the city of bones

Nicknames are Katie, Kate, SweetieFace (by dad)

I spend money on bills mostly

I can not touch my nose with my tongue

Fave animal is a boop noodle (snakes)

At 12 am last night I was smoking

Purple rain by prince always makes me happy when I hear it

Fave word is fuck obvi

Top 5 blogs are @thosediamondreams @blairbittchproject @man-teater @himoon @beatleluvr22 I love all my mutual’s blogs really

If the whole word we’re listening to me rn I would ask someone to assasinate the president

I have no relatives in jail

Current desktop photo is a black screen

I’ve had sex but not intercourse

I have bought condoms before

I have never been pregnant

Never kissed anyone in the rain

Yes I’ve had a job

I smoke weed yes

I do not smoke cigarettes

I do drink alcohol

I’m neither vegetarian or vegan tho I do think about it often

Currently overweight

Never been underweight

I’ve had my heartbroken tho wouldn’t say it’s always been romantically

I went to my prom

I’ve been on an airplane (18 hours)

Never been able to fluently speak another language

I often wear makeup

My hair is currently dyed

Never had surgery

Never met anyone famous unless monster truck drivers count

Everyone has stalked people on social media

I’ve been fishing hated it

I’ve been rejected by a crush

For my birthday I’d like quality time with my friends

50% of the time I like my handwriting

When I’m older I’d like to live in a smaller town in the pacific northwest about an hour outside a major city

I’ve never been caught sneaking out or doing anything bad tho my parents have found out

I’m really bad at overcoming my social anxiety

Greatest achievements ahah ahah idk

Meanest thing anyone has ever said to me was by my dad

If I won the lottery I’d pay off all my debts and my parents and then slowly give money to family members and friends

What do I like about myself - I’m v passionate about a lot of things

My closest tumblr friend is Zephia

I’m an introverted-extrovert

I’m attracted to a lot of different types of people, I think I’m attracted to someone’s energy

Umm currently not in a position where I’d be in a relationship in two months but if it happens than it happens

I love talking about sex and sexuality

I always have deep conversations with Michelle

The most recent text I sent was to A group chat saying TAROT CARDS AHHH

Top 5 fave songs are Self care by Mac Miller Rukes by Doja Cat Lights up Harry Stiles Watermelon Sugar by Harry Styles and Drinking Games by Silver Sphere

I love it when people play with my hair

I hope there’s life on other planets

Love me some bubble baths

My neighbors are drug dealers so I don’t really interact with them lmao

I’d love to travel to Greece

I’m most uncomfy with my tummy

When I wake up I usually fall back asleep or go on my phone

I’m comfortable with my current skin tone

Eventually I’ll get married but not for atleast another 5 years

My hair is long enough for a ponytail

I could live without tv but not music

Everyone I’ve ever like I have either told or they found out anyway

Love old navy and my metaphysical shops

I think people deserve second chances but not thirds (just realized I’ve never given anyone a second chance lmao)

I smile at strangers all the time

Mmm never done anything recently I hope no one finds out about

Never really wished I was someone else

Fave makeup brand is Jeffree

Last thing I ate was my moms beef burgundy

I think I’ve thought I was in love but idk

Twitter over fb

Tumblr over Twitter

Watching Elf rn

My bath towel is red

Fave ice cream flavor is Honey

First person I talked to today was my mom

Hate ONISION and the president also personally hate this girl from HS

Last person I talked to was my dad

Love my loves Michelle Zephia Sabrina

Will always take the chance to punch the president in the face

I tan maybe once or twice a year

I have 2 puppers

I type pretty fast yeah

I regret a lot of things and I’ve talked about them on this blog

I don’t think I’ve ever broken someone’s heart lemme know

Yes I have liked someone so much it hurt

Cheating is never okay

I think I believe in true love, Not sure if I’ve ever experienced it

I’m a Capricorn

Yes I believe in ghosts

I’m v comfy sitting here doing this watching Elf I’m not getting up to get the closest book to me to open it to page 42 to see the first line in the page tho it would be like It or something

[the-modern-typewriter]

Is it possible to request a snippet based on the Venom movie with symbiotes? Like, I read on tumblr that the chemical that symbiotes crave is naturally produced by our brains through love and chocolate. And now all I see is a female paediatric nurse who was able to hold off the symbiote because of her love of her patients. And the female villain/scientist realizes this.

So, this was a request I received through Patreon. I wrote it. Then as I was about to post it, I started thinking about fanfiction, copyright law and derivative work and really didn’t feel it was right to post work that is anything other than original on my Patreon account even if I set it as public so that no money gained or asked for writing it. I don’t know, seemed legally and morally muddy? So, anyway. Here it is. Completely original characters, as otherwise I would not have considered it for Patreon, but nonetheless inspired by Venom. 

“Fascinating,” the villain murmured. “It followed you.”

Esme’s heart hammered, slammed. Her mind reeled. The dark shadow stayed curled around her skin, protectively.

The last she knew, she had left the parasite-

-I’m not a parasite!-

-at her apartment with the thump of rock music. She’d ran, away from gleaming white eyes and madness and  – straight into a fight. She hadn’t even made it back to the hospital. She’d been hit by something within a minute of leaving her apartment. She’d woken up, tied down, in a goddamn laboratory with this woman asking questions she knew nothing about.

It had first started when a patient had checked in after experiencing strange symptoms. Liver failure. Unexplained hunger. Auditory hallucination. She’d reached down to touch them, to examine them and – there had been something. Darkness that shot out of the patient’s skin and around her, before vanishing.

Everything had gone crazy since.

The darkness continued to spread around her, healing, thickening like armour where the villain had made her cuts and ran her tests. The memories slicked with pain and confusion.

You were screaming, Esme. She hurt you.

A lab technician had come in, with flickering eyes. There had been carnage.

And now, here they were, enclosed behind glass.

The memories clicked into place as the pain lessened. ‘You shouldn’t have come’ she thought. ‘This woman…’

I know who she is, but we’re a team, Esme. Symbiote. Symbiotic, not parasitic. Of course I came for you.

The voice was almost familiar to her now, after the last twenty four hours they had spent together before this.

The villain watched them both hungrily, her fingers spread on the glass above them. “I was hoping I could dissect some quality that made you different, made you compatible with the life form,” the villain murmured. “I believe I may even have figured it out. But this…this is remarkable. It came for you.”

‘Did you know it was a trap?’

Esme’s throat thickened. “Let us go,” she said.

The villain smiled. “I think you’ll be able to appreciate what I’m doing here, Esme,” she said. “With time. You are nurse, aren’t you? You want to help people. Well, together, we can revolutionize modern medicine, bring humanity another great step forward. You are a vital bridge between our species. Tell me, is it communicating with you? Your notes said auditory hallucinations…”

Esme jerked against the restraints that held her down, not that it did any good.

The symbiote – Viper, it had said its name was – might have been able to break them, but the glass was still there. Reinforced. Specialized.

She met the villain’s eyes. “Go fuck yourself,” they said.

The villain’s smile didn’t falter. She circled the small glass shell – horrifyingly coffin like – her fingers still skimming the panes as if she wanted to reach through and touch. If she did, they could win.

“It ate the organs of the others. Do you want to know why it hasn’t eaten you? Why you are such an ideal host?”

Esme hadn’t even got to thinking that far yet. The thought of others made her shudder, grief clenching in her chest.

We needed food. Fresh.

“It was love,” the villain said. “Or, well, more specifically, some of the chemical components that love pumps you through your system. The symbiote craves it.”

“You’d be pretty screwed then.”

The villain laughed, though it didn’t reach her eyes. “Of course, there are many humans in the world capable of love. Your levels are unusual though. You care so very much, don’t you Esme? Believe it or not, I do too. This is all done out of love.”

“I’d personally pick roses over a cage and corpses, but sure.” A sick dread crept through her, because it was obvious, so obvious, that the villain wasn’t going to let them go.

‘Can you do anything?’

You left me once. You cannot leave me now. I will not let her harm you ever again.

Beneath the words, was a sharp fear, a hurt, and Esme’s stomach panged. She didn’t know what to do with it, with any of this. But Viper had come for her, even with the risk involved. The symbiote had torn the whole lab apart.

‘I know. I won’t…I won’t leave you again. Please. If we truly are a team, help me.

“Well, the cage wouldn’t be necessary if you had shown an inclination to co-operate with me,” the villain said. “And the symbiote can be aggressive when cornered. You’ve seen that too, haven’t you? But you can control it, control its strength, its healing powers. You were nearly dead when it reached you, and look at you now.” The villain’s voice was reverent, her gaze admiring.  “You’re as good as new, you’re remarkable. Think of what the world could be like if we could apply that gift more universally. Do you not want that?”

“I don’t think you do.”

“All scientific advances require sacrifice.”

The voice in her head was quiet, for a moment, before seeming to come to a decision. I will help.

It rose up out of her skin, forming that face, those monstrous teeth.

The villain stared, enamored, enraptured, delighted.

“I think you could use my skills better,” Viper said. “You are strong. Stronger even then her. You would be the perfect partner. May I?”

It attacked the second the glass was peeled back.

And then, they ran.

[sweetdeathwrites]

Peaches and Strawberries

Pairing: Mammon/Rich!Actor!Reader (both gender neutral!)

Summary: It's only natural to spoil the one you love, isn't it?

Warnings: this is pretty much a loving but still sugar...parent(??)! reader/ sugar baby!Mammon lol.... fluff, established relationship

Word Count: 1,302

(posted from my AO3 and Luna accounts! Original A/N below!

hi it's almost 2 am rn and i made this self indulgent fic bc i sent in a headcanon to fukurouheichou on tumblr about how Mammon would pretend to be all grumpy and gruff around their rich s/o and act like they only love s/o for their money but then Mammon falls deeply in love,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, loving and being loved is the True kink my guys,,, sorry for everything and i regret a lot but this was really fun to write even tho I'm tired!...... can you tell how much i love pet names? like honestly?? call me baby or darling or my love or any of those cheesy names and I'm deadim done I'm putty in ur hands like OOF my HEART!!)

––––––––––––––––

The stillness of your unreasonably large house was broken by the loud jangle of keys and bracelets, and a silky voice. “Mammon!” You yelled. “Darling, I’m home!” No noise echoed back to you– other than your own echo, of course– but you knew Mammon was home. They always were home when you were. A pout formed on your glossy lips as you pulled the dark sunglasses off your eyes. Mammon, silly Mammon, what good would it be to hide like this, in the middle of the day? “Sweetheart?” You called. “Where are you? Don’t make me go looking for you, I haven’t had the greatest day.” As if by magic, a shadow appeared at the edge of your vision and you turned to see Mammon leaning against a doorway, cheeks slightly pink and only wrapped in your bed sheets. You clicked your tongue and embraced them, kissing whatever skin you could reach and leaving shining marks on their skin. You turned around, issuing a wordless command, and Mammon slid your pink fur coat off your shoulders. “You haven’t even gotten out of bed yet? Maybe I spoil you too much…” You teased and winked at Mammon. Mammon sighed and pulled it on instead. Honestly, if you weren’t even going to wear a coat as expensive as this, what was the use of owning it? You should just give it to them. Mammon nodded in agreement with themself. They had very good ideas. “Baby, if you want it, take it. You look better than I do in it anyway.” You tossed the words behind your back as if they weighed nothing and Mammon felt a twinge of jealousy at your carelessness with money. But then satisfaction kicked in: from owning a lovely new coat and from pleasing you. “The paparazzi just wouldn’t leave me alone today. They’re vampires, I tell ya; thirsting for blood and doing anything to get it.” You stalked through your kitchen and opened the fridge. Fine cheeses and rare meats sat on the shelves as you opened the fruit drawer and sorted through a variety of fruits. Today, Mammon took notice that you wanted peaches and strawberries. Good. Now they know what to feed you when you would undoubtedly get into a fit later tonight. You were a diva, and such a sucker for romance. “All, ‘Excuse me, can you tell me about your next film?’ and ‘Is it true you’re in a relationship with the other actors and actresses on set? If so, exactly who and how many people are involved?’, oh, and, you won’t believe this one, baby– ‘How much are you paying that dark and mysterious person that visits your house almost daily to be your sugar baby?’” Mammon choked. “I mean, can you believe the audacity that some people have these days? It’s like the media can’t even begin to imagine that I, a human being, would want to spoil the one whom I love with attention and lavish them with gifts with the fortune I have so graciously earned.” Today you had chosen a sparkling lime and mint water to refresh yourself with. Mammon could see the clench of your jaw as you poured the drink into a champagne flute (‘What a diva,’ Mammon thought) and all they could imagine doing in that moment was kissing that stress away. Of course, they didn’t– that’d be ridiculous… without payment. Yes, they only wanted the money you provided. Warmth and affection were only a bonus… It wasn’t necessary. It wasn’t. But the feeling of how warm the fur was on Mammon’s bare back– the warmth of your body– made them feel light and ticklish inside. Mammon shook their head to clear their thoughts. “–and it’s not like you don’t like it. In fact, I’d say you love it. Who doesn’t love getting spoiled? I love it. I love luxury. Living in the lap of luxury is a dream, isn’t it, my love?” Mammon snapped of out their reverie and you sighed heavily. “Are you even listening to me?” “...That’s an extra charge.” “No problem, precious.” You took a step back from the counter and drew out a jeweled wallet from your pockets. You popped open the snap on it and pulled out a twenty. As your eyes slid up and down along Mammon’s body, they suddenly felt cold and exposed in your presence. “Mammon, darling, where am I supposed to put this? You’re not exactly wearing anything with straps or waistbands I can put this in…” Mammon’s face flushed and they snatched the bill from your hands and put it on the white marble countertop beside you both before quickly pushing you out of the way and taking your place next to the counter. Mammon grabbed a knife and began to cut the peaches and strawberries thinly– just the way they knew you liked it– and ignored the creeping heat on his neck. Your laugh garnished the air and you slid your arms around their waist, burying your face into the warm coat that you have recently gifted to your lover. Mammon held you by the waist in one hand and guided you to stand between their arms as they worked. Honestly, the real spoiled one in this relationship was you. You smiled and placed soft, loving kisses along their arms, going up their shoulders and across their chest. You could taste their heartbeat on your tongue, fluttering delicately like the wings of a butterfly but with the speed of a hummingbird. How precious. “I charge per kiss.” “Are you keeping track?” “I round up to the nearest ten.” “What a slacker. If you’re going to squirell me out of my own money, at least be accurate, darling.” Mammon could only just barely suppress a rumble of laughter but they knew you felt it anyway, pressed up so close to their chest. You hummed. The fruits had been cut. Mammon didn’t need to worry about washing them. They had already been pre-washed, re-washed, and re-re-washed. Three times a charm. They took up a thin sliver of peach and held it to your lips. You parted them and ate it, nipping their fingers playfully. Mammon let out another sigh with furrowed eyebrows. Not that you could see it, anyways, but you could be so frustrating sometimes. Mammon fed you more fruit and you ate every piece. Mammon knew how sweet the peaches were and how the strawberries were just slightly tart– you had very strict standards for the quality of foods you consumed and, more often than not, Mammon was given tastes of just how superior your tastes were. When you were finished, you resumed your business of giving out kisses and cuddles like it was the end of the world. “There’s still a charge, you know.” “Put it on my tab.” Mammon clicked their tongue and kissed the top of your head, curling their long fingers in your hair. You were warm and soft and full of love. Yes, they could get used to this. “How much was that one?” You asked, eyes wide with sweetness and with cunning, daring them to deny their obvious adoration for you. Mammon bumped your nose with theirs and you laughed, giving them the chance to wind their arms around your waist and pull you in even closer. “That one was complimentary. A gift.” “A gift?” “Yes. A gift from one lover,” Mammon lowered their head, hair falling out of place and tangling slightly with yours, “to another.” They met your lips in a sweet kiss and neither of you could ignore the smile on the both of your lips.