#trying to push myself to be better tho!

[endersdead]

being autistic & trying to make friends online is so hard. what are the social rules?? how am i supposed to know whats too much or too little interaction? am i making a bigger deal of this than i need to??

[grocerystoreanxiety]

I honestly I think I’m in my adult-age HW rn (can’t say abt like the years before when I wasn’t checking my weight but I was like a teen back then), but fuck, it’s 56.4kg today (bmi 21.5) and idk if my metabolism suddenly just stopped bc it feels like it did. I eat abt 1000-1200kcal and the weight moves nowhere (sometimes under 1000kcal, but I try to keep it above to avoid bingeing & muscle loss). It’s sure not that low of a limit, but honestly like that’s no one’s maintenance calories no matter how short & how little they’d move (and I’m 5”4 and try to at least get the 10k steps a day if nothing else). Yeah gotta be patient, been back at this just like 2 weeks after my stupid dumb month of ”i dont care” and sometimes it takes more time.

But it’s weird bc I was recovered for like a year before relapsing this spring, and even then I didn’t gain to this level, and it was a way longer time of eating than just a month and I was steadily 52-54kg the whole time. (I still dont know tho if I can count it as recovery time when I never rly stopped working out or counting my cals; I was just eating my maintenance calories pretty much, some days a little more, and I think I maybe just got into the orthorexia side for a year)

Also I know metabolism gets worse as you age and ppl say it’s around ur mid-20s but does that rly kick in suddenly in one fucking month???? I doubt it (Could be the stress, like I’m waking up to anxiety attacks etc, so it’s not low levels of that rn, and ik stress does a number on you)

Anyways, this is all to say that I’m fucking getting back to it istg like I feel so bad rn in my body. My fucking shorts I’ve worn just this summer aren’t fitting right like dude that’s insane, how did that happen over the course of like a month. No more of this ’’well im too tired to work out today’’ or ’’a liiittle bit of sugar wont kill me’’ garbage; back to all or nothing babeyyy (bad mindset but works the best for me)

[lieutenantselnia]

Yesterday I've been doing some proper physical exercise for the first time since last year and I'm just imagining how proud my f/os would be of me🥹

[bunnihearted]

📓🖊️🧸

[gregmarriage]

currently trying to find a balance between being close friends with people and putting my all into relationships, and keeping them at arms length and it being semi casual, so i don’t hurt myself

[famewolf]

honestly, I think I'm going to wait awhile longer to finish bg3. been working on allowing myself time and space to let my whims flow where they may, and I recognized I was getting stressed for not having finished it in a 'timely manner'

me shaking myself: it's a fucking game!! play it as much or as little as you want!!!

[flower-studded-sake-dish]

ahhhhh i’m so fucking close to getting the IN 1cc but Reisen keeps wearing me down to where i can’t clear Kaguya but the last two runs i’ve had have made it to her final spell (i can only do about 1 or 2 runs a day cuz the malice cannon puts a lot of strain on my wrist) and in all honesty i probably shoulda beat it the last time my first 3 stages were the best they’d ever been and i sightread Keine’s Last Spell but stage 4 was p rough for me but that was my fault for streaming and talking and not paying attention. reimu’s like danmaku barrier is definitely like a top 3 spellcard for me along w okuu’s final spell because it’s just so much fun and a really cool concept i think anyways goodnight

[the-kipsabian]

aight im looking at my wip list rn (like actual work i have started so far)

[dyna-myght]

Feeling motivated finally to get back into working out

[radioactivelasagna]

Acquired a new brush and I like it its just what I've been looking for

[doctorwhoisadhd]

one thing about me is that if someone shoves me on purpose and i could keep my footing if i actually tried i WILL choose to not do this and just let myself fall in order to make them feel and look bad for shoving someone hard enough to fall. because this will not impact me at all and it will make them Actually Think About The Consequences Of Their Actions

[guinevereslancelot]

not me forgetting i switched shifts with a coworker and showing up an hour early for work ✌️😌

[29121996]

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[maxbytes]

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[diaz-fox]

my roommates keep trying to get me to go straight speed dating with them and i just... no. no thank you. but anyway i'm going to a queer slow speed dating thing next week bc that sounds far more appealing to me than paying to talk to straight men

[gregmarriage]

i may know it’s healthy to interact with people and be social, but that doesn’t mean i find it easy in any way