#ofc im still first and foremost writing for myself but i mean it helps if people wanna actually read stuff lol

[the-kipsabian]

aight im looking at my wip list rn (like actual work i have started so far)

[minejiro]

hi, tee <3 this is a moot who's a little to shy to ask you this off anon, but how did you come up with the courage to archive your blog after 8 months? i've been planning to move for a couple of weeks now, and i have a new account set up and everything, but i feel conflicted about leaving my 10 month old account.

i'm about to reach 2k, which is something that holds me back; i'm not planning to delete anything or change aliases, but i just feel like it's really difficult to let go, even though i'm not making an intense move. thank you for listening to me ramble <3

hi bby omg im about to spill my whole tumblr experience to you LMAO jvhufdbv but maybe itll put things into perspective for you and youll be able to tell if its something that you still want to do or not !!

so im just gonna be transparent here, i had 14k ppl on mine when i left and that was kind of hard to leave no matter what anyone says. ofc its always about the writing first and foremost, but i built so many anons and inside jokes and interactions and i had a name for myself and stuff, and thats definitely hard to let go of bc i built that up you know ?? but then i looked at it in a more narrowed view than a "bigger picture" view and it was a matter of am i happy on here anymore ??

no

now thats partly bc i was just drained of writing hq in general, but even when i was happy to write for hq, the blog just got tiring. that blog made me happy and i was proud of it, so i was attached, but at the end of the day being that big was also draining me more than i realized bc i was dealing with ppl being pushy or expectant, or rly rude comments to rly hateful ones, and i felt like the interactions themselves werent as genuine anymore as they used to be. ppl brought up things about the blog itself, its stats, how my writing wasnt what it used to be, how i was just doing things that were "popular" to get notes, etc instead of what it was about — haikyuu

so i took a leap and kind of started a new fandom (tokrev) and that was my excuse to start a new blog from the ground up and it seemed less scary bc it didnt seem like i was starting over per say, i was just adding something new, but it still needed to built up again

and then thats what changed my worries tbh bc once i started my tokrev blog and i posted and built interactions, i realized it wasnt as awful as id been telling myself it would be you know ?? the interactions slowly built, my work was being read and slowly gaining more interaction, and overall my blog was just being built up and i realized that building a blog back up not only wasnt as awful as i thought it would be. it also gave me a chance to redo things better and take what ive learned from the last one to set better boundaries for my followers and myself. and also, it helped running a blog be fun again bc as ive said before, my blog in its smaller days was a lot more fun bc ppl talked to me bc i was just me, not tee whos in the top tags all the time (im sry hfbehfb that might sound kinda bad and maybe a little conceited but i mean that in the least self absorbed way bc in all honesty the size of my blog was rly what a lot of my asks and even some moot interactions were centered around anymore)

in the end, the followers you built up will come again bby they will, trust me i was sad about seeing all my hard work be "left behind" too but the restart is so refreshing and it gives u a chance to organize and set up everything to make this an even safer space for you. if you stick it out for a bit, youll start to get rly excited about the growth and progress you made, and the last blog wont be on your mind as much because youll want to start pouring more into building the new one, and i think thats the part that made me take the full leap and just drop hq blog all together

i was actually gonna deactivate that blog if im being honest, but there some extremely touching asks that made me rethink bc i didnt think my writing meant that much to ppl, so ive left it as an archive, and i think thats honestly the best thing i can do at this point, just leave it to be appreciated for what it is instead of trying to make it fun again and drain myself more

oferfirhgb this was so long im so sorry LMAO but idk i hope that maybe helped a little bit sobsobsob

feel free to dm me if you wanna talk about this !! dont be shy omg i love all my moots <3 even if we dont get a chance to interact as much

[janzzyy]

"Why did you took psychology?"

professor Khirksten asked, then she look at me intently after I stated my name, my previous school location and age. Today's my first day, and as usual, introduce yourself stage.

"Hmm, I want to explore the mind of people, I'm curious about it. And, this course is interesting. Thou, until now, I don't know what kind of career I wanna take. But well, studying people's mind is interesting" I answered shyly.

"Oh, that's nice, I hope you find what track of career you wanna take someday while you're in this journey" she said with an approachable expression while smiling.

She asked the last student who will introduce himself.

"Well you, Mr. Why did you took psychology?"

"I want to pursue psychiatry if it's our Lord's will why not, but I took this course because first and foremost, I wanna save, find myself, and I want to cure myself. And after that, that's the time I'll able to help other people with their mental illness. It's difficult for them to go on and live their life, if they're struggling inside." He said and sit down, he wore a facemask, that's why I didn't see his expression, but I could see a hidden glint of sadness in his eyes while telling us his answer.

In our class, students of course has their different reasons on why did they took psychology. The good thing is, they're into reality, they wanted to help, they're so open minded and I'm not the only one who said that I don't know yet my career in future. All of us has these deep reasonings, motivation so we can keep and strive hard for our dreams, as well as our goals in our life. ---

It's our third day of school and I notice that my classmates are not just open minded ones, they are so jolly and they enjoy to laugh. Well me, Im such an aloof and introverted btch one, so until now I don't have that 'friend' you call.

While sitting here on grass below the tree, I'm enjoying myself eating a snack while reading a book with an earphone in my ears. The book I'm reading write now is a poetry one, Sea of Strangers by Lang leav and listening to music which is, Leave it All Behind by Sleeping with Sirens.

I feel someone on my side by I didn't look up. I continue read and enjoying the music I'm listening too.

I feel one of my earphone fell, but in my surprise the man beside me took it and put it in his ear. He's in his converse shoes, faded jeans, a white shirt with messy hair. I'm shock but it's not visible on my face. I can smell his natural scent. His the one who talked about psychiatry and wanted to heal himself.

I didn't speak nor talk. I look at him with why-did-you-do-that stare.

"You have a great taste music interest. I like it, it's my favorite tbh" He said while smiling.

---

With that, we became best friends. I learned that we have common interests and similarities. I like his presence as well as his company.

---

Were sitting in our usual spot where in Grassland. Greenery sightseeing with trees in surrounding and of course grass underground. What were doing right now is thesis writing. It's nearly 9pm we can see little beam lights with different colors. Most students are in their night classes and some are going home.

A pair of earphone in our ears, and just talking and asking each other about thesis and writing also.

--- Were like a couple, but not really. I guess were just a close bestfriends, we enjoy each other's company and yes, these undescribable feelings I have is resulting where the butterflies are lingering inside my stomach. Whenever I look at him, I want to caress his hair in my hand, I want to hug him softly. I may act aloof, cold and distant, but I admit that I'mma kind of clingy person, especially to the person I like.

---

It's been a month when I noticed that he's avoiding me. He's the one who will go out first and he's not with me these days. Just like in our first week, I left alone again. I don't know what push him to avoid me. Did he noticed the feelings I've been burying now? Well, I admit I miss him. Does he know? Well ofc if he knew about it, he will truly avoid me. I'm just an aloof, distant, dull and boring person you to be with. Not so sexy, not so pretty and not that glass skin like other girls you can see.There's nothing new to that. But I really miss him. I used to hangout with him. He's the only bestfriend I have in this college journey. I didn't confess to him because I don't wanna ruin the relationship that we have. I'm contented with that. But, does he know about it?

"Okay class dismissed" Ms. Khirksten said. "Oh, before I forgot, Mr. Alexander, come to my office" she said and adjust her prescription glasses.

---

Okay. I have to wait for him outside the office. I can't take anymore that we're not talking. This is frustrating. Arghhh. I have to face him and asked him directly why did he do that. Be brave self.

"Arghhhh, what time will they get done?" I murmured while standing outside the office.

"Ughhhh, I'm hungry. Where's that dickhead?" I murmured again then I heard the sound of open door. I look at it, and there he is.

"What's with the office? Why did they call you?" I innocently asked.

"Later, for now let's eat first" He said then grip my hand and walk to the cafe as if were fine and the avoiding thing between us didn't happen.

We've finished eating and I asked him again.

"Hey, what's with the office? Did you do something wrong for you to go there?" I asked again.

"Tell me, I'm curious you know" I said.

"You really wanna know?" He said, looking at me nervously.

"Yepp"

Later I'll tell you.

---

Were here in the rooftop of abandoned house way in our home. We usually go here and just hangout again. This is why I like him, he always sticks around with me, and yeah the feelings i have is getting deeper and deeper as we bond.

Leaning my arms on railing, looking at the beautiful city lights and scattering cars down.

"Hey, look. So beautiful isn't it?" I asked. And as usual I feel that one67 pair of my earphones is in his ears again.

"Yep, it is" he said, then I look at him and now he's looking at me also.

"What?" I asked.

"I will tell you" he said looking at me intently.

"Oh, so you'll answer my question earlier? Why did you come to officeeeee?" I asked him.

"Nope, not that" he said.

"Then wha--"

He kissed me.

I can feel the heat on my cheeks. I can feel my heart beats racing. I can hear the music on my ears playing I can feel the sensation, the way he kissed me. I can feel that my feelings for him is bursting out because of the kiss.

And because of this feelings, I forgot that I was pretending. I forgot that his just a bestfriend. I forgot that he should not know.

I kiss him back. I move my lips into his and savouring the feeling. I pour my feelings into that kiss that we're sharing. And because of the sensation. Absentmindly, I put my arms around his neck and kiss him passionately. Then his lips turned to my cheeks, then to my neck. He's sucking it hard time, and I can't contain the moan because of the pain and pleasure mixing.

He stopped. His breathing ragged and panting. And when my inbition came back, I was surprised to what I did, I should push him but I didn't utter any word.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean i---"

"Hey, why did you do that?" I asked and touch his face to turn his face on me.

"It's nothing serious" he said, avoiding his gaze to me.

"Hey, look at me" I said, still my heart is insanely beating fast.

"You didn't do that without a reason, knowing you," I said looking at him intently.

"And what I'm talking about earlier is the office thing, I was curious about it, I asked you and instead of answering me, you kissed me" I added.

"I- I like you, ah- no. I love you" he said, gaze at me, I can see the intensity of his feelings behind the uttered phrase.

My heart is beating fast. The guy that I like, he loves me. I thought it was an unrequited one. I'm speechless. But I have to say something.

"Hmp, you said you love me? But you avoided me? Is that how you express your feelings towards me?" I said, lifting up the uncomfortable atmosphere.

"I don't know what to say, your reaction? You're not surprised?" He asked innocently.

This guy, asking it and seeing him in that state is making him cute.

"Ofc, I'm surprised. But let me ask you. Why me? Tbh, you're a handsome man bro, why me? I'm not sexy, I don't have a firm skin like other girls have, especially girls that are attracted to you. I'm nothing special" I said while looking at the city lights to simply dodge his gaze on me.

"Why you? Well, that's you. You are just being yourself. And dont tell me that you're not pretty, because in my eyes, you are. I love all the things about you. Your flaws, your moodswings, thou sometimes you act distant, but I do know you. You understand me. You stay even I'm annoying. You accept me as I am. It may sound cliche but I like you the way you are. You're unique. You filled the broken soul I have. I'm happy when I'm with you. I feel complete." He said with a tear escaped in his eyes.

"Then why did you avoid me? Why tell me your feelings just now? I'm here waiting, I didn't tell you my feelings because I'm afraid of rejection. Our friendship might be ruin. But... but... I like you too. You don't know how much I missed you when you avoid me. I feel incomplete. I- missed you. I miss all about you. You're always there. You're everywhere. I'm already used to your presence." I said crying, I hugged him tightly.

"I thought I was the only one who has the feelings between us. What a torture because of pretending I've been doin just not for you to notice this feelings I have for you. And now that you confessed, I can't explain the happiness I'm feeling right now" I added while sobbing, my face on his shirt.

"Shh. It's fine. I'm here" He said comfortably.

After that, he look at me. Give me a peck on lips and hugged me.

"So, let's go back to the thing and what really is the topic here. Why did Ms. Khirsten called you to office? Did you do something inappropriate?" I asked while hugging him still.

"You are really a curious one, aren't you?" He said and chuckled.

What a music in my ears plus the manly scent I'm smelling.

"Do you really wanna know? He asked.

"Yeah, please answer my question" I replied.

I'm nervous. Why he can't answer me this straight?

"Okay then" he said.

"They've been preparing the papers I have because I will go to the States, I will pursue the field of psychiatry there. And luckily, my parents will be the one who will support me there" he said, looking at me and drop his gaze down and a hint of regret on his face because he just told me the answer.

"Well, I assume that's the reason you have why were you avoiding me." I said and there, I felt again that hot liquid running down on my cheeks.

"Yeah, for you to not being use to my presence, and me not to be hurt so much if I'm gone" he said while carressing my hair.

"What should we do now?" I said.

"Can you wait for me?" He said, looking at me, his thumb on my undereye, wiping my tears.

"That's difficult. Long distance is kinda difficult. But for you I will" I said.

"So are we officially couple?" he asked and wondering.

"Not yet, you dumb dickhead. Ofc, you have to court me. I'm still a woman right?" I said while smiling.

"Oh, ofc I will. It's just that, please. Please don't replace me. Pursuing my dream there is not easy without you by my side. But please, let's get going, achieve our goals even we're far away from one another. Let's call often. Even when things are getting busier and busier, please, let's make time for each other okay?" He said to me, and hug me again. He then kissed my forehead, my eyes, my nose and my lips.

---

I'm here at the airport, with him. He will go to the States. Minutes later, he'll be far. This will be the last hug we can have, a last kiss for now. A last interaction within each other personally for the mean time.

"Please, don't replace me." I said while hugging him.

"You're the only one" He said while caressing my hair.

Its awkward that were here in the airport and there's a melodrama but who cares.

"Let's call each other always, okay?" I said while crying.

"I will not stay there that permanently honey, I will go back and forth if its a summer break. I will update you that, and we can be together that time" He said.

"I will miss you so much" He added.

"But we can do this, this is our dream. We'll hold on tightly, its gonna be a bumpy ride, but we will survive this. I love you honey" He said and kiss me.

"I love you too" I said and kiss him back.

---

Years later. He came back. He as a psychiatrist and me as an Obgyne Doctor. We're both professionals and were engage.

If you really love each other, you will overcome any challenges that will throw on your relationship. As they said. Love conquers all, and also with Lord by our side. It's not easy, before he came back, we face a lot of problems, we argued, we lost time for each other. But at the end, love wins. Keep your trust, love, honesty and faith towards one another and swallow your pride for your loved ones.