assassinsith

[assassinsith]

[assassinsith]

if i play The Song™ on loop for long enough i'll feel fine

[assassinsith]

magical girl transformation except i turn into a 44 year old man sipping a budweiser and flipping burgers on a grill

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[assassinsith]

[assassinsith]

hate it when I'm eating and my stomach starts growling

[assassinsith]

[assassinsith]

via taylorndean on instagram

[assassinsith]

straigbt up "under it" and by "it" well lets jusr say, my blankeys

[assassinsith]

do you think the Horse ever gets jealous of the Dog's status as "Man's best friend". do you think the Horse is ever like. hey. you domesticated me too. you rode me into battle. i ate food out of your hand and you giggled. are we not besties i thought we were besties

[assassinsith]

Ever since I was a little girl I always wanted to get hit by a car in a way that would make me a lot of money

[assassinsith]

one of life’s subtler cruelties is that i can’t go into a pool of lava for a soak. like i can’t just plop into a lava pool and relax, let the heat loosen my muscles up, maybe with a cold beer in hand. i want to do this so bad but nooooo my fragile ass would get incinerated 🙄 fucking rip off

[assassinsith]

tumblr mutuals who i would walk around an antique store with and point out funny items and afterward get icecream with

[assassinsith]

A bad photoshop will always be funnier than an AI image no matter what

[assassinsith]

[assassinsith]

bucky has a disability??

he doesn’t have an arm.