#trying to keep my shit together
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I just have this strong inkling that Sylus is gonna be a strongly multi-layered character. Like yes, he is a villain, and probably with good reason. Considering how the current timeline/story is so deeply woven with the myths and other phenomena we may not know of yet, it's likely that Sylus is this anomaly who exists to bring an unexpected sequence of events that hasn't been foretold by any prophecy or past life.
Knowing that Xavier's role has allusions to time and time traveling (the current timeline we play in is the past), he's essentially breaking that prophetic rule, in a way. Going back to the main timeline to try and save the MC, destroying the protocores in Onichynus' possession...
But everything that Xavier's purpose is, maybe Sylus has exceeded that already or intends to, at least. Since he's been watching the MC this whole time, and has seen her with Xavier/Lumiere... the central rivalry will transpire between those two. I can also see a rivalry between Rafayel and Sylus, only because Raf seems to have the deeper connections when it comes to networking and who does what, etc. (And with Zayne who became a cardiac surgeon with the intention of saving MC, it's likely a tense rivalry between him and Sylus would gradually turn into something of neutral ground.)
Anyway, my point of it all is: Sylus will break the pattern. Whatever curse there is that has been placed on MC, his existence seeks to rid of that curse by any means possible. I do truly believe he wants to let the world burn for her, and the protocore experimentation serves a greater purpose of trying to save her...
#again all purely speculation#not even sure if i got any of the lore right#can you blame me for that though because this shit is so convoluted i can't even keep up or try to piece it together anymore#however i think we're underestimating just how powerful sylus is#like y'all..... let's really think about it and sit with it for a second!!!!#the last time i put out a prediction for a game it actually came true though so this is a bit sus on my end#putting my spiritual prowess into all of this frfr#sylus#love and deepspace#love & deepspace#lnds sylus#sylus love and deepspace#lads
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maybe if i just put these screenshots together youll understand why i think their relationship just Works so well as it pertains to the characters and themes of S4 in general
neither of them know what theyre doing, but theyre figuring it out Together. the old ways are dead. and together theyll build a new future thats worth fighting for
#twdg#violentine#clems “i dont know” paired with violets “lets figure it out together”. screaming crying throwing up#clem never knew what she was doing!! she was just trying her best!! and now shes tired as SHIT!!! she wants a break 😭!!!#vi helps take that weight off by supporting her as much as she does (which is A LOT!! and clem supports her in return. they grow together)#that bit in the woods where instead of getting grossed out by the guts vi crouches down to ajs level and keeps the situation calm#and she looks up to clem and gives her a little smile. and clem just relaxes and smiles back !! DO YOU UNDERSTAND !!!#clem being anxious about her reaction. violet putting her at ease. clem getting to Relax for 2 seconds. they help each other CHILL 😭#ALSO why their walk home talking about ericson and renaming it and imagining what they could add to it is just so good narratively#they turned that prison into their HOME!! a place worth fighting for!!!#tenn wanting to help rebuild. vi saying Everyone will :') its a home for ALL OF THEM 😭 its about the COMMUNITY !!!#this is also why i think the friends route still works but theres just even more Juice with the romance. even ignoring minnie#violets “you better not disappear on me”. friended clems “ok” to romanced clems “i promise”#in a season about building a home and a family that second one just hits harder you know? and like above with the learning to dance#i just feel like their romantic relationship specifically fits into the overall themes of the game the strongest and elevates it#me talking at the wall (tumblr drafts)#all of my friends who have played twdg are too normie so i gotta make posts like this instead. or i'll die#wont somebody analyze narrative with me#it speaks
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"You should have stayed away."
"I know."
#wotedit#moiraine damodred#rosamund pike#anvaere damodred#lindsay duncan#wheel of time#wot on prime#wot spoilers#wot show spoilers#moiraine gifset#my gifset#my gifs#anvaere x moiraine#SHE'S SO BROKEN :'(#we are not going to talk abt the number of years trying to colour this shit took off my life#we're just going to look at moiraine barely keeping her shit together#and then we're all going to cry like the good sapphics we are#but also wow#that 'you should have stayed away' 'I know'#when Moiraine has spent all season pushing away people who care about her and isolating herself#and then she goes back 'home' and sees her sister and her nephew#and a day later she's got the dragon reborn with her and is being pursued by one of the forsaken#proof that she was right to push Lan away - and to leave Verin and Adeleas and Tomas too#because look what happens. everywhere she goes: death and ruin follow#and now the entire city of Cairhien is in danger; as well as her family; and it's all her fault#AND she had to kill a horsie as well#this is really just moiraine's no good very bad existence tbh#SOMEONE HUG HER#and someone also force her into bed and make her eat food#lan where r u. look at her. she's a disaster. MAKE HER NAP. FOR THE LOVE OF GOD. MAKE HER NAP!!!
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killer being like "yeah i know every single little thing about horror and dust" (because he watches them as a part time hobby (freak) (find something better to do)) and then he acts surprised when they do something that he wouldnt expect them to do in his little predetermined absolutely perfect concept of them
like what do you MEAN horror licks spoons clean when he's using them so he doesn't have to get a completely different one for the main course and the dessert. what do you MEAN dust has a lisp even though he speaks fluently and uses even more complex words than killer himself. horror knows how to sew and he often patches up their things without either of them noticing?? dust always wears oversized and clothes that cover him up just because he finds it comfy?? what??? out ra geous???? these guys have small little quirks to them that killer doesn't already know about???? killer immediately wants to know more. so he can expand his internal profile of them of course. not for any other more endearing and sweet reason. not at all,,,,,,,, (:3)
#AASHSHAHHHHH this one is so cute....... this thought. thank you brain for making this thought#it's like killer's experiencing sonder (except he's not aware of his own complexity of life because of his own derealization/personalizatio#actually i dont think this deserves to be a side blog post. this is too damn CUTE#at first the 2 were probably weirded out by killer watching them and now they probably dgaf...... killer comments less than youd expect#but now theyre used to his shit so they do all these tiny things that killer gets to pick up on and learn more about them#its so interesting...... killer can do as much reasoning as he can to try and find a logical reason for why they do these little things#but in the end if the real reason is just because they wanted to or they felt like it then how can killer comprehend that?#how can they just do that so easily and choose to do things based off a whim instead of having a calculated precise reason for personal gai#he wouldnt realize it on his own but noticing those little things coming fron horror and dust who used to be like him could help with the#everything is just a game and i am simply an avatar and the ultimate goal is the win aka be the most powerful#for dust and horror theyve already turned their consoles off. theyre out of their games theyve finished. their goal was just to beat it#(like if horrortale finally got the good ending it deserves because of aliza horror would have finished#if dust beat the player and due to extreme boredom (ITS GOTTA BE EXTREME EXTREME) decides to leave to explore the multiverse)#in killer's eyes theyve achieved their goals. but killer's still playing his game. maybe he IS the game. but eitherway he's not done#like they r. so taking into consideration how other versions of himself act when theyre finished with the game could he act like that 2??#did HE also finish his game and he never realized it? should he be basing these ideas off dust and horror when theyre kinda not the same gu#killer would find so many hoops to jump through to justify getting rid of the everything is a competitive game idea but there would be smth#IDK im just rambling. i gawt this idea from me imagining them fight. ya you wouldnt believe this sweet thing came from trio abuse :3#killer psychoanalyzing dust and horror is one of my favorite things eva. horror would HATE IT (if he were aware#and dust would totally be freaked out and keep to himself incase killer's planning anything against him#but uaaaghhh pretend this isnt canon this is triglycercule's ideal little world where they explore the mv and have fun#killer watching dust and horror sleep because he doesnt feel tired while theyre all in bed#and he's just picking up on how theyre positioned. how they breathe. the little things.......... djdjshahahaaahsushdjwbdsn ssosooooo cuuut#tricule hc#killer sans#horror sans#dust sans#murder time trio#utmv#dare i say mtt poly. ok i dare say it. but like lowkey he'd do this whether theyre together or not...... killers just weird like that......
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Glad I've got my little travel Eevee attached to my bag today
Poor little guy's gonna have a bald spot on his head, i keep petting him so much
#at cardiac rehab waiting for things to start and trying to keep my shit together#struggling!!!#eevee#pokemon#mod post
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A silly guide on how I draw normal Riolu vs My sona
#Riolu#Doodle#The Mod#Do not use my sona thanks#Just wanted to give a silly doodle while I ramble#I admittedly made the last few daily pieces as basically a progression of my eyes for the last ~1.5 years#Keeping up with everything became harder because of my eyes#I only talked about this briefly on my main twitter#I was diagnosed with keratoconus#My eyes got worse over time#so I was squinting constantly and would get headaches trying to focus my eyes to draw or play half the games I did#it sucked. I slept a lot to get rid of pain and I felt like I couldnt do my normal work so it kept piling#I had surgery + got RGP Contacts to help me see normally this year tho!#So I can finally get my shit together and have been slowly trying to get everything going/sorted#Just to like... explain where I disappeared to#Ofc Its hard to do anything art or reading without my contacts in#tbh i didnt even know until December lol so it went for awhile and thought my prescription went from good to shit#so i took a minor break from social media to keep where my eyes used online to mainly discord
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everybody stay with me im shifting back into speculation & analyzing mode, this time about everybody's favorite pair of besties. ill put this under the cut for everyone's sakes
and please, take all of this with a Hefty grain of salt.
so ive been... thinking about a thing. a maybe-possibility. which if this has some merit, the part of me that loves characters having a good time and feeling good feels is screaming in fear. but the louder part of me that loves angst and hurting characters is rubbing its little fly hands together.
short version: i think Barnaby is going to emotionally distance from Wally, if not outright grow to resent him. maybe temporarily, maybe not.
full version: *cracks knuckles* strap in folks. so.
first of all, an entire chunk of Barnaby's bio is dedicated to his character relation to Wally. everyone else only has one-off lines dedicated to their relationships to other neighbors - even Frank & Julie just have single sentences about each other (note that they're described as "partnered with" and "depicted with" respectively. more on that soon). even Wally's bio has his Barnaby mention tacked onto the end of his first paragraph instead of being its own dedicated section
and then there's their character designs - their bios explicitly point out that they share characteristics; color schemes, hearts on their soles, similar outfits.
they were made to be best friends. literally. this quote is what made me start turning this theory over in my mind (sourced from @ /theneighborhoodwatch's collected & absolutely fascinating livestream trivia)
it appears that Barnaby literally did not have a say in whether or not he and Wally are friends. their bios even say "illustrated pages note that they were best friends multiple times." they have to be best friends.
which brings us back to Frank & Julie. they briefly reference each other in their bios, but they aren't described as best friends. it's incredibly likely that they were meant to be a romantic couple - i briefly covered that theory in this post (dont read the first one i was going insane) but they managed to avoid that. Frank and Julie defied the script and chose to be best friends instead.
and then in the trivia document a few more character relationships are briefly touched on, like how Howdy considers Barnaby a close friend, and Sally considers either Barnaby or Poppy as her closest friend, etc.
everyone else seems to be choosing who they're close with. they're forming their own opinions and dynamics and relationships. & its interesting that Barnaby is stated for both of these - as if implying that he may return the friendship feelings, or at the very least he's developed enough of a relationship with them to earn their affection
Barnaby and Wally... i doubt they ever got that. they were best friends from the start, no development, no choice. it's written into them.
and then there's how their relationship has been portrayed so far. i believe i saw an ask where Clown stated that Barnaby is very polite to Wally, which struck me as odd. have you ever had a polite relationship to your best friend? have you ever seen best friends be polite? i'd be surprised!
best friends mess with each other! they tease and rib and roast! what is a best friend for if not mutual tomfuckery?! jesting around? playfully pushing boundaries? a Polite best friendship... that's a straight up oxymoron. no such thing. that sounds boring and exhausting.
not only that, but the fact that Barnaby is often used for Wally's painting segments, and is the go-to guy for teaching Wally something new, is kind of concerning. it gives me the vibe that a big part of Barnaby's literal reason for existing is to be Wally's friend & guide.
which would make the fact of him being described as polite to Wally make sense. of course he's not going to push their relationship or try to deepen it - he's forming his own dynamics with the other neighbors. with Wally... it's already established. that is how they are with each other. that is what they are to each other.
and it's not like Wally can be the one to introduce nuances. i don't mean that as a slight or anything - he's just the way he's been described and the things stated about him that make me think that he wouldn't really... know how to? it just wouldn't occur to him. he probably thinks his and Barnaby's relationship is what a best friendship is and is how it should be.
but they have to hang out. they have to refer to each other as best friends. and while i believe that Wally does wholeheartedly think that they're best friends, close as can be... i doubt Barnaby feels the same. like - yes, he probably does care about Wally. everybody likes Wally.
but it's gotta be frustrating for Barnaby, especially as time goes on and he becomes more himself as a person over just being a character playing a part. it probably stunts his relationship growth with others, since his ~best friend spot~ is already taken and who would want to encroach on that? especially since its taken by Wally mcfuckin Darling?
their friendship might become less of a role and more of a responsibility. Barnaby might grow to feel obligated to stick with Wally as his "best friend". someone invites Barnaby to hang out and/or help with something? sorry, he has to pose for Wally's painting. Barnaby is trying to do his own thing? sorry, Wally is knocking on the door and asking for help with something.
i wonder if Barnaby ever hopes that Wally will go to someone else, or feels relief when he does. and then does he feel irritation/guilt over that denied hope or that granted relief? then does he get angry at himself for those emotions?
how would this effect how he treats Wally and acts around him? this confusing muddle of emotions and this strange growing resentment for his painfully earnest friend who only ever means well, if he means at all.
it makes me curious whether or not this theory has merit. and how this could come to a head. what would Barnaby, in this situation, do if/when he discovers that they're puppets on a set, and he's literally written to be Wally's bestie while everyone else changed their scripts and chose their own relationships.
personally, i don't think he'd be happy, and i doubt he'd handle it well.
#holy Shit this was tough to translate from my brain#i literally wrote it all out in my head while in the shower#and then i went to get it down on 'paper' and it was Tangled To Hell And Back#*taking a break from art*#brain: soooooo we're bored now. lets overthink and share these thinkings#welcome home theory#welcome home speculation#SERIOUSLY THOUGH IM SCARED FOR BARNABY AND WALLY#mainly for wally bc Ouch it would hurt him to have their relationship sour#barnaby getting resentful and wally not understanding why his best friend is acting differently towards him#and PLEASE keep in mind that im mostly talking outta my ass here#but like.... ugh#barnaby looking at wally walking over one day and feeling the urge to turn away or groan in irritation/exasperation#him posing for a painting and wishing he were anywhere else.#him wanting to be closer with other puppets but unable to bring himself to try bc of the Guilt#everywhere he turns hes called 'wallys best friend' and asked 'wheres wally? hes usually with you' when hes alone#and hearing 'if you want to find wally/barnaby go look for barnaby/wally. if you see one the other isnt far away'#that has GOT to get on his nerves over time#this constant stagnation of their relationship while everyone else is evolving and growing. hes Stuck.#even julie & frank who were written to be together find a way to circumvent that and add so much depth and uniqueness to their relationship#if you want a happy side of this. it could lead to barnaby & wally being really truly besties#barnaby could have an arc about thinking 'holy shit it was all fabricated. Fuck that and Fuck you[wally]'#and then going 'holy shit i Do actually love and care about him[wally] and i want us to develop a real meaningful friendship'#BUT WHO KNOWS who knows not me!#also it must be tiring to constantly have to explain his jokes and so many other things#bc wally Is a curious guy! he wants to learn!#but maybe barnaby just wants to have an uninterrupted conversation but he Cant bc wallys just built different#not said as a bad thing At All.#just... people are complicated. sometimes we have mean thoughts/emotions that conflict with what we really think/feel and our morals#we're only human. everyone is mean sometimes if only in our heads.& yeah theyre technically Puppets but lets not get caught up on semantics
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Killjoys 4.04 "What to Expect When You're Expecting... An Alien Parasite"
#killjoys#killjoys syfy#killjoysmonth#gifs and stuff#dutch killjoys#d'avin jaqobis#i'm using my powers to gif for good (giffing scenes that hurt me)#time to dump my feelings about this scene in the tags#d'avin is trying *so* hard to keep it together but shit keeps piling up in every direction#and he's been forced to make a horrible choice and then watch his brother lose himself for days if not weeks#he gets dutch back but all of a sudden there's an alien baby on the way and johnny is still not cleansed and dutch is judging him#also i find it really interesting that it's not until he's practically breaking down that he allows himself to be mad at dutch#and even then it's so subdued#and dutch!!!!#she's just escaped one of the worst experiences of her life only to find her best friend was turned hullen#and there's only one person she can direct all her feelings about that towards#only for him to force her to confront the fact that she's not the only one who loves johnny more than anything#i. have. *emotions* about this scene!!!!
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kinda sad to me that there's no truck bombing aus where bobby was on the truck and he's the one who gets crushed........
#i almost said it was crazy there was none but actually it unfortunately makes sense#people are too obsessed with buck and his traumas and whatnot to switch it up#which isnt necessarily a bad thing buuuut#i just noticed people often take other characters traumas slash storylines and give it to buck...#anyways think of the bobby and athena angst here#newly engaged bathena and bobby gets horribly injured#would he heal similar to how buck did or would his be much harder and maybe a worse outcome#would he be lucky to keep his leg or go back to work ...#its like his back injury all over again#this is just constantly on my mind like the freddie storyline could have been more#he was actively trying to kill bobby and athena....#could have easily turned into a jonah like plot where he kidnaps them both ... or one of them as leverage for the other...#or if there was more confrontation between them...#anyways this is a missed opportunity guys#if i could get my shit together and write this would be on the list but the chances of that happening are slim#cursed to come up with interesting ideas but no ability to write them ...#bobby nash#athena grant#bathena
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I have seen you talking about Dick & Dami's relationship and Dick & Tim as well,but what are your takes on Dick and Jason actually?
Like how you wish their relationship should be portrayed today and where are them missing when it comes to making those two acting like siblings?
Do you think in the past their dynamic was better?
How Dick views Jason and how Jason views Dick?
This is difficult to answer because there are like 8 different stages to Dick and Jason's relationship with various dynamics. They also view each other a bit differently depending on which stage we're talking about.
The way I would like their relationship to be portrayed today isn’t necessarily possible thanks to Jason’s integration into the family and acceptance of the no killing moral code. For me, their ideal dynamic is portrayed in Outsiders #44-46. And I know people are gonna find that regressive as hell but, tbh, that dynamic is far more interesting than the kinda awkward thing they have going on now.
Although, I don't mind that they acknowledge their brotherhood in a serious manner now. Like before they'd kinda be like, "Eh... I mean... we were adopted from the same guy but... brothers? Eh..." And now they're more firmly in the, "We're brothers," camp. So that development is interesting.
Character progression wise, it wouldn't feel right for for them to be super close in the way that, say, Dick and Tim are (unless we saw a lot of trust and relationship building between them), but at the same time, there is part of me that kind of wants them to have that older sibling bond (except Jason is closer in age to Tim than he is to Dick sooo actually let's just leave older sibling things to Dick and Cass... not that Cass is much older than Jason though so LOL this is why Dick has to lone the oldest sibling thing by himself... which is funny because Dick is technically no longer the oldest sibling, he's a baby brother now... except Dick and Melinda's relationship really hasn't progressed much sooo you could say they share blood but don't consider each other family yet, in which case, Dick is still the oldest... I mean, regardless, Dick is the oldest sibling of the Waynes... god why did they have to make all of this so difficult 😫).
#jason's like blerghhh dad always loved you best. but also hey we should work together bc you're a killer like me#and then jason's also like hey dick you were the most amazing thing i've ever seen and idk you're cool but i won't say that to you#and then he's also like hey dick i've got girl advice for you and i also need your opinion on my hair. oh now bane is trying to kill us#and then he's also like oh you got amnesia? i don't give a fuck about you and maybe i'll kill you#and he's also like oh you trust me? okay well... we're brothers and i'm gonna save you#and then dick's like oh hey kid call me if you need me. oh you died? i am literally devastated i'm so sorry#and he's also like wow you're very good at what you do but i don't trust you... okay but i trust the intel you're giving me sooo....#and then he's like why the fuck are you dressing like me and killing people?? quit doing stupid shit!!#and then he's like jason what the fuck are you doing--let me help you!!#and then he's like kinda indifferent to jason but jason is still Ugh this family is stupid why am i here#and then dick's like ofc i'm gonna come help you if you need me but also this is awkward af and things are weird between us so bye#except not bye because i'm staying here to help you and your team#and then dick's like i'm being controlled by joker so i'm gonna kill yoooou#and then he's like eh i trust you and i'm gonna help you bc we're brothers but you literally wrecked bruce's car you numbskull#and then he's like you're doing dumb shit and i have to take you down but oh thanks for not letting the train kill me#and then they're both like meh we're doing shit w the batfam even though neither of us should be here rn#and yeah that's how it goes. that's. literally it. writers cannot keep their relationship consistent in the long term#Dick Grayson#Jason Todd#relationship analysis#anon
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Odypen definitely and equivalently adore each other BUT I weirdly can't see them as the type to actually say "I Love you".
They still definitely vocalize their love for each other but it's more so in "My Joy", and "Extraordinary Woman", "Strange Woman/Man", etc. And very cheesy lines (both say some cheesy shit in the Odyssey, and he definitely does in the Iliad as well. "Joy like a drowning sailor seeing land" bit???)
I could see "I adore you" but even then, that's probably during very specific moments but the actual "I love you"??? I just typed it just now for fic shit and... It weirdly just didn't feel right and I don't know why. 😅
Idk maybe it's kind of because I see them as over the top in ways, they love wordplay and riddles and I think they'd almost think "...That's not good enough >:( " about it??? I don't know???😂
#I wrote this last night. I'll do the asks I got later. don't worry! :D#I am the cheese god remember?😅#I think these two would try to “out-cheese” each other and whoever is left speechless first loses#“I would forget my own name before I would ever forget you” bullshit. CHEESY#And yes. “I sleep in our nest with you or outside on the dirt” stupidity >:D#I plan for Odysseus as a beggar to ask why she waits so long. As he's been gone a longer amount of time than the time they had together#(Simply asking as reassurance. He knows his answer. Calypso asked him. but what about Penelope?) but she gets mad at the#“Beggar” and pities him as he must be telling the truth about having a miserable life if he never got the chance to know such devotion#How what they have could never be sullied by#something as trivial as distance and years. How the years with him were the best in her life. Only made better by their son.#'My dear Joy made songs and poems about love a reality as that was simply the life we shared. Even separated our 'song' will always echo#no matter how long it's been. I'LL make sure it always does. And I know he's doing the same... That strange man used to say that#even if he died his corpse would drag itself back to us before he'd ever give up.'#...I'm not one for 'odyssey zombie au' but when I first heard it yeah. :'D Came up with this back then#“His eyes as hard as flint or horn-” Bullshit! The sad lil fuck is hiding sobs with coughs and telling her to keep away for fear of her#catching whatever “illness” he has. The nice thing about being disguised as old means sickly old man works.#...#I'm noticing that Odysseus has a lot of silly oneliners while I write Penelope with a shit ton of set up :'D#They are so silly and I love them so much#...I wrote a lot :'D#Mad rambles#shot by odysseus#my headcanons#odypen#yahoo!!!#sometimes I wonder if I should tag this with more things but I don't want to taint the regular tags with my bullshit :'D I KNOW I'm insane
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Forgive me, forgive me. I ask, I beg, I pray, but it never comes.
You know I find it incredibly bewildering to see just how much kalki reflects myself in him like YEAH Duh of course he does, he’s my little guy it’s like his full time job. But at the same time he is a fully functional facet of my being and he is at the mercy of my whimsies, and whatever he discovers in his arduous journey of self realisation is ultimately a reflection of what I discover in the real world. It’s also incredibly funny because ffxiv lore for dark knights is really baked into the idea of (re)discovering yourself amongst the bloodshed and continuing to live and love and thrive despite the world working against us. who would have thought such a raw message could come from an mmorpg side quest about edgy emo boys of all places
also adamantite armour of fending i would lay down my LIFE for u
variant + phone bg version + ID below the cut
tch as if you guys are actually going to use artwork of my little guy as your phone background. i know. how dumb. let a girl dream. i should make an alternate version but it's of Fray and Myste
[START ID: A picture with a red background focusing on the character's bust that is placed to the left of the image's centre. He is coloured with a dark blue overlay, contrasting with the red background. He has brown skin, long black hair that falls over his shoulders, and is wearing blue and gold armour and earrings. He is looking at the viewer, right eye dark brown and the left an glowing unnatural red, with an expression that looks determined and angry and yet bitter and forlorn. In the foreground and on the right side of the piece, a miniature version of the character stands coloured in a light blue overlay and wearing the same blue and gold armour, looking as if he is glowing. He is facing towards the left of the piece, or perhaps at the character bust, his expression unreadable. Above the miniature character's head is the symbol representing the FFXIV dark knight, coloured in gold. END ID.]
#the burst of creativity that shot through me is indescribable. i can only hope this is a sign that i am FINALLY out of art block#but OF COURSE my creativity comes back right when gamsat is around the corner. it's always a fucking exam. i fucking hate myself#maybe this piece is supposed to be vent art at how I CANNOT MANAGE MY SHIT AND I AM JUST. NOT DOING THINGS RIGHT. NOT DOING THINGS RIGHT !!#and i tell myself it's fine but maybe it's NOT fine? i told myself i'd work on it but nothing is getting worked on#nothing productive at all. not even for uni nor for myself. nothing is happening at all. it's just going through the days#waking up. wishing i'd slept more. stare at my laptop for hours. youtube. watch 10mins of lectures. then a nap. then the laptop. then sleep#but i dont and it pisses me off because nothing is working. i'm like if linguini lost his rat and i'm staring at the kitchen catching fire#maybe go to class if it's on for that day. scrambling notes together. pretending i DO have my shit together#i COULD put out the fire. but i'm not. i could and i can but im not. the extinguisher is in my hand. fire's not going out. i'm still here.#maybe. maybe that's why drk resonates with me so much. at the end of the day. maybe i am just a stupid bastard#-who can't get their act together. who actively shoots themselves in the foot and bleeds all over the place trying to make something happen#only this time- this time the perpetrator isn't someone i can point at and demand answers from. it's me hi i'm the problem it's me#and i can- i SHOULD find a way to make this all work. to make this whole Living My Life business work. but the extinguisher's in my hand#wow okay that was really heavy anyway uhhhhh TAGS TAGS TAGS TAGSSSSS#ffxiv#ff14#ffxivwol#ffxiv wol kalki#ffxiv dark knight#artoftheagni#and the fire keeps going#tw eyestrain#cw bright colors#idk the red is really bright and it;s nice for my eyes but idk for anyone else
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i need the murder time trio to drink eachother's blood after causing an injury. that's so romantic in both my eyes and theirs. i need them to bite eachother and claw at eachother and injure eachother and hurt. and then when they try to patch eachother up make the injury hurt more before finally wrapping it up with a bandaid and a kiss or a lingering glance or DARE I SAY a hug (because imo a hug is much more vulnerable than a kiss). peak of romantism i dare say
i need them to use violence against eachother as a way to keep them grounded or to just let out anger towards eachother i need dust to gouge out horror's eye and then give horror his own to replace it. i need horror to squeeze killer's soul until he can feel the pain but in exchange killer gets to use a knife inside his head i want killer and dust to fight everyday and soon their bones will be littered with scars of the other's attacks I NEED THEM TO HURT EACHOTHER!!!!!!
they share pain and release anger and frustration and all that stuff onto eachother but dw dw this is how they love. but they do genuinely dislike eachother (because no matter how much they love one another they STILL can never manage to get over their differences and that's what makes them PEAK) but they also care for the other two and in their fucked up minds this is a good relationship. not because its not toxic because it definitely fucking is but because everyone is satisfied
i love murder time trio poly
#double post today because i'm genuinely fucking tweaking out over this#it started as me thinking about mtt drinking eachother's blood and then it spiralled#I LOVE MTT POLY I LOVE MTT POLY!!!!! IM MTT POLYS NUMBER ONE FAN#WHO CARES ABOUT RECOVERY AND HEALING AND ALL THAT!!!! MAKE EACHOTHER WORSE!!!!!!!!!#the only people that the trio was worse to than eachother is the world#they may stab and slice and blast eachother but they are together and that's all that matters#PARTNERS IN CRIME I DARE SAY!!!!! PARTNERS IN CRIME I SCREAM!!!!!! BECAUSE THEY LITERALLY DO CRIME THEYRE FUCKING CRIMINALS#DEFINITION OF PARTNERS IN CRIME BECAUSE THEY WOULDN'T FUCKING CALL EACHOTHER SHIT LIKE LOVER OR BF OR ANY SAPPY SHIT LIKE THST#NO!!!! PARTNERS. KEEP THAT SHIT NON EMOTIONAL. AND THEN THE CRIME????#THE GROUP NAME IS LITERALLY THE FUCKING MUUUURDDDERRRR TIME TRIO MURDER TIME TRIO THEY MURDER THEY KILL THEYRE CRIMINALS#i hate when people use partners in crime to describe a group WHEN THEY DON'T EVEN DO FUCKING CRIME#this version of the trio is one of my absolute favorites. i never post about an outright romantic mtt but i love this dynamic#usually my posts are more along the lines of the mtt as a friend group (qpr but i never tell anyone that so only i get to know :3)#ufhhhhhh me when deciding if i like this violently romantic mtt or my comedic silly goofy mtt more#absolutely toxic yet beautifully in love romantic poly VS funny laugh inducing but TRYING (struggling) to heal qpr. which ones better#UGH I CANT CHOOSE!!!! I CANT CHOOOOOOSEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!#killer sans#dust sans#horror sans#murder time trio#bad sanses#bad sans gang#mtt poly#murder time trio poly#horrordust#kist#horrorkiller#what tricule tag category does this go in hmmmm hmmmm#this reads like a rant but i feel like this should be a hc#tricule hc
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7. 🖍️ Post Any sentence from your WIP From my Bleeding Magic AU outline since that's what I've got the most on of any of my WIPs. It was hard to pick just a sentence or even just one excerpt, but guess I'll go with this one!
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Jayce is hyperfocused on trying to translate the new messages on the wall as Daniel starts to hear commotion outside and takes a glance. He sees Shak and Hoagie are in danger and they have company. He tells Jayce they need to get going and he desperately is trying to quickly memorize it/write it down.
Daniel: What are you doing?! We need to get out of here! Jayce: Yeah, I know, man! Just trying to get this writing down! Daniel: All that on the door? Jayce: Yeah! If I could just get the symbols down for later, I can translate the--! Daniel: (pulls out his phone and takes several pics quickly) Jayce: ... Right.. Daniel: Got it. NOW LET'S MOVE!!
Jayce is upset he STILL needs more to unlock it & will have to decipher the other clues later. He gets stuck looking over it one last time, finding it hard to give up just yet still … until he hears Shak scream and call his name, his ear swiveling in her direction and immediately shifting his focus. He’s out of the portal rift before Daniel can even say his name again, grabbing his jacket and tying it around his waist on the way.
#Bleeding Magic AU#Daniel Spellbound#Jayce Chinda#tinystrawberryshifter#my writing#very rare I post any of that#I really am excited to try and get this one all together to eventually share tho~ I'm excited to share even just a bit!#I am not very good at prose writing so most of my stuff atm is just bullet points#but I like to keep my thoughts as organized as I can and am just trying to find a way to write that works for ME#bc otherwise it'll never get done and I'm sick of that shit#bullet points it is. Clean up later.#I do like getting to do dialogue tho hence all the comics...
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I used to like saying "gender is a social construct," but I stopped saying that because people didn't tend to react well - they thought that I was saying gender wasn't real, or didn't matter, or could be safely ignored without consequences. Which has always baffled me a bit as an interpretation, honestly, because many things are social constructs - like money, school, and the police - and they certainly have profound effects on your life whether or not you believe in them. And they sure don't go away if you ignore them.
Anyway. What I've taken to saying instead is, "gender is a cultural practice." This gives more of a sense of respect for the significance gender holds to many people. And it also opens the door to another couple layers of analysis.
Gender is cultural. It is not globally or historically homogeneous. It shifts over time, develops differently in different communities, and can be influenced by cross-cultural contact. Like many, many aspects of culture, the current status of gender is dramatically influenced by colonialism. Colonial gender norms are shaped by the hierarchical structure of imperialist society, and enforced onto colonized cultures as part of the project of imperial cultural hedgemony.
Gender is practiced. What constitutes a gender includes affects and behaviors, jobs or areas of work, skillsets, clothing, collective and individual practices of gender affiliation and affirmation. Any or all of these things, in any combination, depending on the gender, the culture, and the practitioner.
Gender encompasses shared cultural archetypes. These can include specific figures - gods and goddesses, mythic or fictional characters, etc - or they can be more abstract or general. The Wise Woman, Robin Hood, the Dyke, the Working Man, the Plucky Heroine, the Effete Gay Man, etc etc. The range of archetypes does not circumscribe a given gender, that is, they're not all there is to gender. But they provide frameworks and reference points by which people relate to gender. They may be guides for ways to inhabit or practice a gender. They may be stereotypes through which the gendered behavior of others is viewed.
Gender as a framework can be changed. Because it is created collectively, by shared acknowledgement and enforcement by members of society. Various movements have made significant shifts in how gender is structured at various times and places. The impact of these shifts has been widely variable - for example, depending on what city I'm in, even within my (fairly culturally homogeneous) home country, the way I am gendered and reacted to changes dramatically. Looping back to point one, we often speak of gender in very broad terms that obscure significant variability which exists on many scales.
Gender is structured recursively. This can be seen in the archetypes mentioned above, which range from extremely general (say, the Mother) to highly specific (the PTA Soccer Mom). Even people who claim to acknowledge only two genders will have many concepts of gendered-ways-of-being within each of them, which they may view and react to VERY differently.
Gender is experienced as an external cultural force. It cannot be opted out of, any more than living in a society can be opted out of. Regardless of the internal experience of gender, the external experience is also present. Operating within the shared cultural understanding of gender, one can aim to express a certain practice of gender - to make legible to other people how it is you interface with gender. This is always somewhat of a two-way process of communication. Other people may or may not perceive what you're going for - and they may or may not respect it. They may try to bring your expressed gender into alignment with a gender they know, or they might parcel you off into your own little box.
Gender is normative. Within the structure of the "cultural mainstream," there are allowable ways to practice gender. Any gendered behavior is considered relative to these standards. What behavior is allowed, rewarded, punished, or shunned is determined relative to what is gender normative for your perceived gender. Failure to have a clearly perceivable gender is also, generally, punished. So is having a perceivable gender which is in itself not normative.
Gender is taught by a combination of narratives, punishments, and encouragements. This teaching process is directed most strongly towards children but continues throughout adulthood. Practice of normatively-gendered behaviors and alignment with 'appropriate' archetypes is affirmed, encouraged, and rewarded. Likewise 'other'- gendered behavior and affinity to archetypes is scolded, punished, or shunned. This teaching process is inherently coercive, as social acceptance/rejection is a powerful force. However it can't be likened to programming, everyone experiences and reacts to it differently. Also, this process teaches the cultural roles and practices of both (normative) genders, even as it attempts to force conformity to only one.
Gender regulates access to certain levers of social power. This one is complicated by the fact that access to levers of social power is also affected by *many* other things, most notably race, class, and citizenship. I am not going to attempt to describe this in any general terms, I'm not equipped for that. I'll give a few examples to explain what I'm talking about though. (1) In a social situation, a man is able to imply authority, which is implicitly backed by his ability to intimidate by yelling, looming, or threatening physical violence. How much authority he is perceived to have in response to this display is a function of his race and class. It is also modified by how strongly he appears to conform to a masculine ideal. Whether or not he will receive social backlash for this behavior (as a separate consideration to how effective it will be) is again a function of race/class/other forms of social standing. (2) In a social situation, a woman is able to invoke moral judgment, and attempt to modify the behavior of others by shame. The strength of her perceived moral authority depends not just on her conformity to ideal womanhood, but especially on if she can invoke certain archetypes - such as an Innocent, a Mother, or better yet a Grandmother. Whether her moral authority is considered a relevant consideration to influence the behavior of others (vs whether she will be belittled or ignored) strongly depends on her relative social standing to those she is addressing, on basis of gender/race/class/other.
[Again, these examples are *not* meant to be exhaustive, nor to pass judgment on employing any social power in any situation. Only to illustrate what "gendered access to social power" might mean. And to illustrate that types of power are not uniform and may play out according to complex factors.]
Gender is not based in physical traits, but physical traits are ascribed gendered value. Earlier, I described gender as practiced, citing almost entirely things a person can do or change. And I firmly believe this is the core of gender as it exists culturally - and not just aspirationally. After the moment when a gender is "assigned" based on infant physical characteristics, they are raised into that gender regardless of the physical traits they go on to develop (in most circumstances, and unless/until they denounce that gender.) The range of physical traits like height, facial shape, body hair, ability to put on muscle mass - is distributed so that there is complete overlap between the range of possible traits for people assigned male and people assigned female. Much is made of slight trends in things that are "more common" for one binary sex or the other, but it's statistically quite minor once you get over selection bias. However, these traits are ascribed gendered connotations, often extremely strongly so. As such, the experience of presented and perceived gender is strongly effected by physical traits. The practice of gender therefore naturally expands to include modification of physical traits. Meanwhile, the social movements to change how gender is constructed can include pushing to decrease or change the gendered association of physical traits - although this does not seem to consistently be a priority.
Gender roles are related to the hypothetical ability to bear children, but more obliquely than is often claimed. It is popular to say that the types of work considered feminine derive from things it is possible to do while pregnant or tending small children. However, research on the broader span of human history does not hold this up. It may be true of the cultures that gave immediate rise to the colonial gender roles we are familiar with - secondary to the fact that childcare was designated as women's work. (Which it does not have to be, even a nursing infant doesn't need to be with the person who feeds it 24 hours a day.) More directly, gender roles have been influenced by structures of social control aiming for reproductive control. In the direct precursors of colonial society, attempts to track paternal lineage led to extreme degrees of social control over women, which we still see reflected in normative gender today. Many struggles for women's liberation have attempted to push back these forms of social control. It is my firm opinion that any attempt to re-emphasize childbearing as a touchstone of womanhood is frankly sick. We are at a time where solidarity in struggle for gender liberation, and for reproductive rights, is crucial. We need to cast off shackles of control in both fights. Trying to tie childbearing back to womanhood hobbles both fights and demeans us all.
Gender is baked deeply enough into our culture that it is unlikely to ever go away. Many people feel strongly about the practice of gender, in one way or another, and would not want it to. However we have the power to change how gender is structured and enforced. We can push open the doors of what is allowable, and reduce the pain of social punishment and isolation. We can dismantle another of the tools of colonial hedgemony and social control. We can change the culture!
#Gender theory#I have gotten so sick of seeing posts about gender dynamics that have no robust framework of what gender IS#so here's a fucking. manifesto. apparently.#I've spent so long chewing on these thoughts that some of this feels like. it must be obvious and not worth saying.#but apparently these are not perspectives that are really out in the conversation?#Most of this derives from a lot of conversations I've had in person. With people of varying gender experiences.#A particular shoutout to the young woman I met doing collaborative fish research with an indigenous nation#(which feels rude to name without asking so I won't)#who was really excited to talk gender with me because she'd read about nonbinary identity but I was the first nb person she'd met#And her perspective on the cultural construction of gender helped put so many things together for me.#I remember she described her tribe's construction of gender as having been put through a cookie cutter of colonial sexism#And how she knew it had been a whole nuanced construction but what remained was really. Sexist. In ways that frustrated her.#And yet she understood why people held on to it because how could you stand to loose what was left?#And how she wanted to see her tribe be able to move forward and overcome sexism while maintaining their traditional practices in new ways#As a living culture is able to.#Also many other trans people of many different experiences over the years.#And a handful of people who were involved in the various feminist movements of the past century when they had teeth#Which we need to have again.#I hate how toothless gender discourse has become.#We're all just gnawing at our infighting while the overall society goes wildly to shit#I was really trying to lay out descriptive theory here without getting into My Opinions but they got in there the last few bullet points#I might make some follow up posts with some of my slightly more sideways takes#But I did want to keep this one to. Things I feel really solidly on.
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can other people's emotions pleeeease stop leeching into my own oh my god it's really not helping anything
#i feel like all my friends are going to leave me and im going to be alone forever#i cant help anyone with anything i just fucking sit there pathetically#and everything i do fucks things up im trying so hard to keep it together#i used to be the person that had their shit together and this semester everything fell apart and i dont know who i am anymorr#wormteeth talks
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