#the narrator doesn’t do shit in this au he just tries to keep his routine the same

[lixel-5]

i have this headcanon where long story short stanley gains consciousness but the narrator hasn’t, and once stanley does something stupid (goes so far out of bounds the narrator is left to his own devices to get him back in bounds lol) it knocks the narrator into consciousness

and when he resets and realizes he’s not being dictated by code anymore the narrator is PISSED

like how DARE you make it so i’m having actual thoughts. i can remember more than 20 seconds ago and ITS ALL YOUR FAULT. now i have to deal with wants and desires instead of just following a script for eternity! kys!!!!!!!!

[silvantransthranduiltrash]

Silvans find Maglor, part 1 (my au)

Legolas didn’t know how he got into this situation. He doesn’t know how he ended up in Imlardis, practically begging Lord Elrond to take his dad back because Maglor would. Not. Stop. Wailing. 

He would like to blame Lasgen for the problem. But then he’d have to blame every single elf that was on her squad when they were doing a routine check up. And then he’d have to blame all the elves who had a hand in healing Maglor, and all those who agreed to keep maglor in Mirkwood. And his father because, elf who gave birth to him or not, Thranduil was a little shit who had no problem putting his kids into the line of fire.

All to say that everyone had a hand in what lead up to the current situation of Legolas trying not to loose his mind over the pure bullshit fate liked to spit at the Silvans.

Akami help him, he was to sober for this.

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I suppose we should go back a few months in order to explain exactly how we ended up here.

It was a standard routine survey of the coasts of Middle Earth, simply to see if there was anything the silvans needed to keep an eye on in addition to Sauron and his bullshit, and some of the Avari sects that the Silvans didn’t have an alliance with. 

Being a silvan was hard, don’t let the Noldor tell you otherwise.

Lasgen, oldest child of King Thranduil, was leading the party at a steady pace along the beach. The sun was shining, the wind was a nice breeze, it was fucking hot but you wouldn’t be able to tell just by looking at the scene.

And the narrator is sleep deprived so if the narration doesn’t make any sense, she doesn’t care. I assure you.

Where was i? Oh yes. The weather. It was horrible, but Lasgen and her warriors kept on moving. And eventually,

Eventually, they came across a mound of ratty hair, scrappy cloth, and dried up seaweed that stunk more than a skunk with diarhea. Lasgen was debating simply ignoring the offensive smelling mound or practising some civic duty by shoving it into the ocean or burning it when an unintelligible garble rose from the pile. She supposed that it could sound fagually like a song, if you took ten steps back, cocked your head, closed your eyes, a payed attention to only every second note. 

Grimacing, she brought the group to a halt before disembarking from her horse and slowly approaching, trying desperately not to inhale anywhere near the abomination.

She grabbed a stick and poked at the pile. One poke, two poke, three poke. Groan. 

Ok so there was definitely something alive under all the ratty scraps.

She held her breath before quickly reaching forward into the pile and yanking at the solid mass in the center.

An. elf. 

There was an akami forsaken elf. In a pile of such disgusting stench it made horse poop smell nice. 

How was there an elf there? Why was there an elf there? Surely they would have at least managed to keep themselves moderately clean or in contact with one of the elven settlements. They weren’t even that far from the nearest one, surely they would have been able to make it to the harbors if they tried.

Wait.

Wait.

WAIT.

An elf. Near the ocean. Looking like the gods themselves went out of their way to trash him. Making weird gargling noises that could, barely, pass for music.

“Oh my god, why do i always find the weird ones?” Lasgen looked to the sky, begging for an answer she knew would not come. She turned to her squad, who had abandoned her to the stench and stayed a nice distance away. “Please tell me one of you has some nice deep reaching scents on you that will make it bearable until we reach back home. And some clothes? Anything to make this sad bag of bones more bearable.”