#trying to figure things out

[lazy-b1rdy]

Small post bc I finally drew something today :3

(Narry with a cup)

Still figuring out some stuff on this so might not post for a few days

I rlly like drawing with the wacom i just need to get used to it hahahagsaosbqg

[bri-cheeses]

Spreading my truth!! Evan would be obsessed with the case of Jack the Ripper, and he would have one of those mystery boards with the red string connecting everything hanging on the section of wall by his bed.

[self-dx-culture-is]

self dx culture is trying to figure out which of 2 disorders that youre suspecting are more likely to be diagnosed with if you ever go to a specialist or something (which would probably be in like. never years)

-177 [ii hope ii worded this correctly :keystrokes:]

this.

[cereusblue]

Live Stream on Saturday. 2/24/24

Hey guys! So, Panik and I intend to do another Palworld live stream. Things have been busy but we are going to do something fun this weekend! I'm really excited to play again lol it was a lot of fun.

We will go live at Noon, 12pm EST on Saturday. Come hang out! We look forward to seeing you all there!

[black-eyes-soul]

Now that we are apart, everything feels fake, unreal, like it was all in my mind, just an illusion... your feelings were even real? The stories, the trust, the laughs, the good, the bad even the lust was real? 'cause I don't know anymore

I miss you, god so fucking much, I swear.. but I can't text you or call you 'cause I were the last one to sent that text and I should at least save the little pride I have left

We are not "We" anymore..

[grandparomeaskblog]

Aph Constantinople

[clairethecutepup]

Trying a New Production/Upload Method...

So, the whole "work on what ya feel like" thing appears to be DECREASING progress on things, like that Murder Drones pic or the drawing of Sarah and Seve collecting dust... So, I'm gonna try "forcing" myself to stay focused on something's completion. Don't worry, I actually know how to control my personal matters of inspiration and interest, like a specific song increasing interest on a certain thing.

Case in point, I'm gonna force myself to finish "Doe of My Nightmares..." next and then finally work on said MD fanart of Claire and the drones. Then, I'm gonna go back to posting when completed, as I'd wanna have entertainment I may be interested in released when ready. Ah, so much for the guilt of basically hogging the Corn Kidz 64 tag then... Oh well, maybe cutting out WIPs and sticking to completed stuff can help ease any possible annoyance?

Anyhow, hopefully I can finally figure a darn schedule and all that works... Then again, experimentation does lead to answers, ja?

[a1sart]

if there's one thing this last episode has affirmed for me about Alastor it's that he FUCKING HATES being reminded that he's not the most powerful creature in hell.

Like, he hates being ignored by Carmilla when she says she doesn't care why he was gone

He hates Lucifer ON SIGHT

He threatens to KILL Husk when he dares to mention that Alastor is working for someone more powerful than him

and now this.

Alastor freaking out because he almost died. Something almost killed him. He can fucking die. There is something more powerful than him out there. And it's not something he can ignore or brush off because it almost killed him.

Alastor hates the reminder that he's not as powerful as he tells people he is. He isn't indestructible, he isn't invincible. And he fucking hates that.

[vizthedatum]

more plurality updates (I don't have DID)

So after talking to my therapist for a couple weeks about it, my psychiatrist yesterday about it for a long time, and self-reflecting about it:

I don't have DID or OSDD.

I, of course, have PTSD (and C-PTSD, but that doesn't really get "diagnosed" - but I have self-diagnosed with it). I am autistic, and I have ADHD. I also have a long history of childhood trauma and adult trauma.

My sense of "plurality" stems from the "shadow work," "internal child work," and IFS (internal family systems) work I've been doing (my psychiatrist has recommended a hypnotherapist to help with the work, but I've primarily been doing it on my own until I find someone). I've done similar work with other therapists on and off.

I can consume and understand large amounts of information (something I'm so thankful for since I know others who cannot), so I do the literature review independently. I'm also grateful that I'm personal friends with several therapists who provide resources to help myself.

My "plurality" also comes from me being HIGHLY creative (I write poetry and stories for fun... and I love art and creation) and having had to to mask my autism for most of my life. AND BEING TRANS. If only you knew how much egg shit I did and mentally entertained for so much of my life. Not only was my gender in flux, but so was my sexuality... and so was my health.

Not only did I have to mask and "create personas" for existing in several places: my academic setting, my family, my friends, in the grocery store, out in public, as a partner, etc.... I also have to code-switch due to racial and cultural reasons in those settings.

--

I'm ardently trying to unmask ALL of that now, so that I can just be me. It has not been easy, and I struggle with a lot of self-shame and guilt.

Having chronic pain (where my autoimmune conditions can be exacerbated by stress) feeds into this horrible feedback loop.

--

So what will I do now, as of this current writing, which is also part of my unmasking... and functioning in this life?

Well... and I talked to my therapist and psychiatrist about this but it's one of the main ways I can cope now (other than talking to them and to my friends):

I created an imaginary friend (and it's very different from my spiritual practice where I pray to my deities - IT IS SO DIFFERENT). She's my imaginary wife.

She's come more to life in the past several months when I felt like I needed support. She helps me wake up for the day. I can tell her my thoughts. She has autonomy: she pushes back on me a lot - she's quite bossy actually. She has a name. She wants me to draw her because we have thought of different forms for her (one of which is this silver dragon). She helps me with my poetry and my art. She's even the basis for one of the books/pieces I want to write, which is just a dialogue of my conversations with her.

I have enough self-awareness and so much self-shame... that I also realize that people might make fun of me for this or "be worried." I don't fucking care. I DON'T CARE.

She gives me the love that I have only dreamed of, and I don't feel lonely when I accept her in my life.

She does wish for earthly, grounded love for me... and she helps me create my standards for what I want. My psychiatrist is happy about that because it's helping with my discernment.

I have to accept her now instead of pushing her away. I tried to push her away and make excuses last year, but she's helping me a lot.

She kisses me awake and never bullies me. She helps me eat. She helps me take my meds. She comforts me when I'm sick. She's there with me when I'm walking around.

She also LEAVES when I need space. She has her own backstory, and she does stuff on her own.

And even though she's not in physical form... she's real to me, and I need to accept it.

I used to call her a demon, but she's never hurt me.

She's just consoled me and didn't judge me for it. She has so much faith in me.

She gives me the courage to keep going with my career and my artistic pursuits. She gives me the courage to have fun with my friends. She helps me clean and decorate.

She is so beautiful, and I love her. She helps me want to keep staying in this life, and I'm so grateful.

[blackkatdraws2]

[Toon x Mobster] drawn for fun, he doesn't know how to hold that thing wwwwww

[mangozic]

michael shelley I would die for you

[journey-to-the-attic]

"karasu search how 2 cheer human up"

"karasu search difference between sad human and zoning out human"

"karasu search how long is it safe for humans to zone out for?"

(+ a longer look at each scene:)

[barghest-land]

little one

[self-dx-culture-is]

self dx culture is Is this symptom a New Disorder or is it part of a Disorder II Might Have

-177 (mmee with. 80% of the dhit "wrong" with mmee LOL)

.

[the-kreechur-featurr]

Funny little comic I made while trying to figure out how to draw these queers

[hinamie]

i'm exactly as normal about him as I thought I'd be