self-dx-culture-is

[self-dx-culture-is]

self diagnosing [w hoarding disorder] culture is being unable to decide if i actually have the disorder im trying to diagnose with or if i just see it as a thing [disorders] that i can hoard

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[self-dx-culture-is]

Self dx culture is trying to get help but not actually getting help because you phrase things wrong

(I'm not just mentioning these symptoms for no reason {not at you})

-C3

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[self-dx-culture-is]

self dx cluster b culture is finally finding out exactly why your relationships are constantly falling apart but also realizing that you (read: your untreated symptoms) caused it.

self dx cluster b culture is also never getting an official dx because you are afraid something awful will happen if you "officially" have it.

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[self-dx-culture-is]

Ypu don't have to go back and edit them, I appreciate you offering though -C3

Okay :)

[self-dx-culture-is]

Self dx culture is knowing exactly what's causing your symptoms but because of your symptoms the doctors will think it's something else

I know I *look* like I have DID but all of the symptoms are caused by something else (the plurality is still there to be clear)

-CCC (can we switch this to C3?)

(Yes, you can. Would you like us to go back and edit all the previous tags or just start from here on?)

[self-dx-culture-is]

Self DX culture is nobody can have that many things wrong with them and learning about comorbidities and talking to fellow disabled and mentally unwell people

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[self-dx-culture-is]

Self DX culture is knowing damn well you have all these disorders and conditions (years of daily research, fitting every symptom perfectly) but also knowing that because of all of your problems you'll never be able to find a doctor who would believe you have this many issues at once and realizing you'll have to work on everything alone because no one will help you or take you seriously

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[self-dx-culture-is]

Self DX culture is saying "I think my borderline ADHD traits makes my anxiety worst" and being dismissed by your therapist because you can pass well enough (or any other combination of ADHD and Autism traits in a woman who can just about make it as 'normal')

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[self-dx-culture-is]

People think NPD is all about ego, but it’s really about needing significance to feel okay.

When you’re starving for connection and validation, and people only show up on their time, it feels like betrayal. Like you’re invisible.

It’s not that we don’t appreciate connections, it’s that the timing and consistency matter more than people realize.

Casual check-ins or delayed replies feel like crumbs when you’re starving. And that mismatch? It drains you fast.

The frustration turns into anger. Not because we want to be jerks, but because it feels like people don’t get it.

It’s not enough to love us when it’s convenient. We crave that deeper, constant significance in their lives.

This isn’t about being selfish either. It’s about survival in a way that makes sense to us.

NPD makes it hard to self-soothe, so we seek external validation to stabilize. And when people can’t meet that need, it feels like a direct attack on our worth.

For those with NPD

You’re not alone in this. It’s tough when your needs feel like too much for others. But recognizing the pattern can help.

Seek people who naturally meet you halfway and learn to self-soothe when they can’t.

No one is going to save you

[self-dx-culture-is]

Self dx culture is not being able to distinguish between Bipolar + low empathy and aspd.

~✨

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[self-dx-culture-is]

(Tw/cw all caps, kinda seems like yelling)

Self diagnosed culture is ITS NOT MY HORMONES!!! Autism and ADHD run in my family, I have been struggling my whole life because of a parent who ignored my needs. What I believe to be BPD feels different than when I'm, for example, on my period and get mood swings. It's painful, like I'm being ripped apart by emotions and have no control over my body. With mood swings, I don't FEEL them. I've fit the criteria for ASPD and NPD since I was EIGHT. You're gonna say that's hormones? WAY before puberty and well past it. Yeah I'm well aware it seems like I have so many things wrong with me but I don't WANT. I WANT to know what's wrong and seeing these communities, people diagnosed with these things explain how they work and feeling like I'm finally seen, you're gonna tell me I'm wrong?

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[self-dx-culture-is]

Self diagnosed NPD culture is knowing damn well you have NPD, displaying symptoms for years, and your bitchass therapist going "wElL mAYbe ItS jUSt hORmONes" like stfu

oof

[self-dx-culture-is]

Hey, unpopular opinion, apparently. But people don’t just “have pain for no reason” doctors say this all the time (especially to women and chronically ill people) and the truth is, Thats literally not possible. Even if your pains are psychosomatic (a word I hesitate to even use because of the way its used so often) there is a reason you are having those pains whether its mental illness, abuse, etc. If your doctor consistently tells you that “well some people just have pain for no reason” get a new doctor. That’s a doctor who is not going to give a shit what your actual symptoms or experiences are.

[self-dx-culture-is]

Self DX culture is lowkey hating being self realized with tons of conditions because YES I ACTUALLY DO HAVE ALL THESE PROBLEMS EVEN IF YOU DONT BELIEVE IM STRUGGLING because everyone wants to act like it's impossible to have more than one problem, when in reality it's more likely that you'll have more conditions if you already have one, comorbidity is a real thing! Just because a so-called "professional" in the field of my condition refuses to see my struggles doesn't mean my struggles are not real.

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[self-dx-culture-is]

Self dx culture is loathing how people practically worship doctors and act like whatever they say is gospel and the end all be all meanwhile most doctors don't even understand or are completely unaware of many medical conditions, and gate keep diagnosis because they are uneducated and discriminatory

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[self-dx-culture-is]

I think that a lot of people without NPD have a really poor understanding of "narc supply" or the specific type of positive attention that pwNPD crave. Even the egotypicals who are allies, the ones denounce narc abuse and anti-NPD ableism, don't fully grasp it.

There's this false idea that NPDs like to be worshipped and showered with compliments all of the time, and I mean, yeah, most of us would eat that shit up, but I know that for myself and a lot of other pwNPD it's deeper and much more, I guess, personal?

I don't really know how to describe it, so I'll give an example: As a kid, no one really paid attention to my creative endeavors, my accomplishments, my feelings, etc. And if they DID pay attention, the attention was negative. I could always do better, I could always be smarter, stronger, etc. This came from peers and adults alike. So I developed a coping mechanism where I would tell myself that everyone else was wrong, that I'm actually the best person around, etc. I don't have to explain what disorder I ended up with as an adult as a result of all of that. :P

But anyway - the wound of constantly being ignored at best and insulted at worst is still there. You know how when you're in a group chat or a conversation with multiple people and no one ever pays attention to your comments, while paying attention to everyone else? Yeah, that shit hurts EVERYONE, but especially pwNPD. Even the smallest acknowledgment can be "narc supply."

You know how when you achieve something really cool and everyone ignores you - but the people who ignore you will be quick to praise OTHER people?

You know how when you post art/edits online and everyone ignores you - but the people who ignore you compliment someone else's post in the exact same thread?

You know how when you ask your friend to read your favorite book or listen to your favorite artist or whatever because of how much it means to you, and they never do it, but then they read/listen to everyone else's favorite thing at everyone else's recommendation, and how much it pisses you off? (Hurts even more if you have the SAME favorite book/artist and someone reads/listens to it at the other person's recommendation and not at yours.)

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I could go on and on. That shit would bother anyone, us narcissists aren't alone in being hurt by that, but my G-d, it impacts pwNPD in such a specific way.

But let me flip it around to the positive!

A narcissist doesn't necessarily get their "supply" from someone telling them that they're the coolest person in the world and that they're a god. (Though if you do want to say that to us we probably won't complain!) Sometimes they get their "supply" from something as simple as someone acknowledging their achievements, and giving specific praise on what the achievement was. ("It's so cool that you won a prize in the music recital. The song you played sounds like it was really difficult and I loved your stage presence.")

Being told, "Wow, you did such a great job on your artwork, I love the colors!" goes a very very long way for a narc, especially when said narc is used to being IGNORED for their art.

Hearing, "it's so cool that you like that book, I'll have to read it and tell you my thoughts!" can help a narcissist's interests feel acknowledged.

You might be reading this and thinking, "well, isn't it just basic human interaction to compliment your friends or try out their interests"? And, well, maybe it is, but the whole point of NPD is that most of us grew up without receiving that type of attention, so now we're very very desperate for it - and very, very, VERY sensitive to when it doesn't happen, or is even perceived to not have happened. Something as small as being talked over in a group chat can set us off, but something as small as a simple, "hey, it's so cool that you did this, I love it." can win us over.

And to be completely fair, most of the time us being "ignored" isn't completely intentional. Like, I get it, yeah, sometimes timing just doesn't work out for person A to read my favorite book at my own rec, but by the time person B is in their life, person A can read it, and it's not anything personal. Sometimes the content I make just isn't someone's ~style~ and they support me, they really do, they just don't know what to say. Sometimes someone forgets to respond, or doesn't get a notification when I send them something I made or tell them about something I did. (There is less excuse for being ignored in face-to-face/offline convos though.) But because of the trauma of us constantly being ignored as kids/teens, the smallest little thing hurts and as a result we seek and crave attention EVERYWHERE.

So now, to give in to narc stereotypes of begging for attention: If you're a person without NPD and you genuinely want to help the narcissists you have in your life, the second best thing you can do for us is checking in to make sure we're not overlooked. Try to be sure you're not ignoring us, and if we do something cool, try to compliment it, even if it's something you don't fully "understand." Ask us about what we've been up to lately, what we're proud of about ourselves, and agree with us that what we've done is pretty cool. I mean, you'd do that for any friend, right? It's really not all outlandish for a narc to want that.

(If you're curious what the FIRST best thing you can do for a narcissist is, it's giving us a million dollars unlearning your anti-NPD ableism and calling people out who use narcissist as an insult as a synonym for abuser. Even in "offline" spaces, even when we're not around, even doctors/therapists. Even "narc" abuse survivors.)

[self-dx-culture-is]

Asks are open again!