#try to see the good in myself the way i try to see the best in others

[diagonal-queen]

im basically back so i'm doing this even though nobody will read it lol (i dont even blame you because look at all that TEXT)

Do you have a good relationship with your parents? not really i guess? it's complicated so imma just say nah

Who did you last say “I love you” to? i think to my dog lol

Do you regret anything? i regret writing rpf as a kid 💀 i also regret smacking my little brother's butt to discipline him as a kid. it goes against my stance of 'don't hit children' that i have today and i do feel real bad about it, i just emulated the parenting techniques i knew at that age.

Are you insecure? HELLA lmao

What is your relationship status? single as FUCK boiiiiiiiiiii

How do you want to die? peacefully and in my sleep with my puppies laying next to me

What did you last eat? right now i'm eating crackers

Played any sports? used to be a bit of a discus prodigy as a kid, and was also not a half-bad sprinter. i danced from 2-12 as well and also enjoyed chess. nowadays i don't play any sports

Do you bite your nails? i do on occasion but i try not to

When was your last physical fight? i've never been in one. maybe with my sister when we were kids? idk

Do you like someone? kind of? if that makes sense

Have you ever stayed up 48 hours? no. but i've tried for sure lol

Do you hate anyone at the moment? yeah, but by now it's a dormant hate that just lingers

Do you miss someone? is it possible to miss someone you haven't met irl before?

Have any pets? two doggos!

How exactly are you feeling at the moment? neutral, but like a 6/10

Ever made out in the bathroom? i mean a lot of people pee in the woods right so technically yeah

Are you scared of spiders? i'm desensitised mostly, like if i see one i won't kill it (unless i KNOW it's dangerous). if the spider is on me it's a different story

Would you go back in time if you were given the chance? i literally always think about this lol. there's so much i wish i could change but at the same time, even though i don't like myself, i don't think i deserve to be put through all that again

Where was the last place you snogged someone? the gay bar

What are your plans for this weekend? moving lol

Do you want to have kids? How many? i would usually say 'i'm 20 i'm too young to consider it yet' but one of my classmates from highschool has a baby already so i don't know man T-T

Do you have piercings? How many? just on my ears

What is/are/were your best subject(s)? english and legal studies in highschool, and psychology now.

Do you miss anyone from your past? i reminisce but don't miss

What are you craving right now? a warm brownie would be great

Have you ever broken someone’s heart? HE said i did, i don't believe him, but even if i did he deserved it (trust me on this one. he deserved it.)

Have you ever been cheated on? not that i'm aware of, but i wouldn't be surprised if i was

Have you made a boyfriend/girlfriend cry? not that i'm aware of. i hope not??

What’s irritating you right now? the heat. i'm not having a hot girl summer at all T-T

Does somebody love you? i hope so

What is your favourite color? i like baby and dusty pink. and lilac

Do you have trust issues? i'm pretty sure

Who/what was your last dream about? last night i dreamt that i was in a relationship with pt4 jotaro. he was quiet, gentle and loving. this is weird because i am female

Who was the last person you cried in front of? i think my mother? if not then probably my bestie

Do you give out second chances too easily? yes, sadly

Is it easier to forgive or forget? it's hard for me to forgive someone if they don't at least apologise. so i guess forget

Is this year the best year of your life? it's february, but like hopefully yeah!

How old were you when you had your first kiss? sweet 16

Have you ever walked outside completely naked? no T-T

Favourite food? fried chicken, one specific chocolate cake, yellow nectarines and sushi

Do you believe everything happens for a reason? not in the way others do

What is the last thing you did before you went to bed last night? watched scott cramer

Is cheating ever okay? usually i'd say no. but there are rare instances where i reckon it's not necessarily a bad thing (as bad as that might sound)

Are you mean? i don't think so

How many people have you fist fought? none?? T-T

Do you believe in true love? yes

Favourite weather? dark and overcast (not raining), cool but not cold

Do you like the snow? i've only been in snow once and it was a good time. but i got ice in my eye during a snowball fight and it scarred me a little bit

Do you wanna get married? for sure i do! i know most people think of marriage culture as outdated and heteronormative (which i fully understand) but i do want to be a bride one day. i'd love that

Is it cute when a boy/girl calls you baby? hm...when a girl does it i don't mind but when a boy does it it feels a little icky IM SORRY </3

What makes you happy? clowns, stuffed toys, colourful soap, poofy sleeves, tbh i'm really a six year old at heart and a lot of things make me happy

Would you change your name? okay so i wouldn't legally change my first name (i don't often like when people besides my family use it, but it's rare and pretty so i wanna keep it), but i would like to make Dia my legal alias that would be so sick. i would for sure change my last name though that shit boring asf

Would it be hard to kiss the last person you kissed? no. i'd kiss her again she was nice

Your best friend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do? i'd marry and adopt kittens with you @jesterph0bic

Do you have a friend of the opposite sex who you can act your complete self around? refer to question 55

Who was the last person of the opposite sex you talked to? my brother (hbd btw)

Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with? my sister

Do you believe in soulmates? yes but not in the traditional way

Is there anyone you would die for? yes

70 horrible questions ... Fuck it

01: Do you have a good relationship with your parents? 02: Who did you last say “I love you” to? 03: Do you regret anything? 04: Are you insecure? 05: What is your relationship status? 06: How do you want to die? 07: What did you last eat? 08: Played any sports? 09: Do you bite your nails? 10: When was your last physical fight? 11: Do you like someone? 12: Have you ever stayed up 48 hours? 13: Do you hate anyone at the moment? 14: Do you miss someone? 15: Have any pets? 16: How exactly are you feeling at the moment? 17: Ever made out in the bathroom? 18: Are you scared of spiders? 19: Would you go back in time if you were given the chance? 20: Where was the last place you snogged someone? 21: What are your plans for this weekend? 22: Do you want to have kids? How many? 23: Do you have piercings? How many? 24: What is/are/were your best subject(s)? 25: Do you miss anyone from your past? 26: What are you craving right now? 27: Have you ever broken someone’s heart? 28: Have you ever been cheated on? 29: Have you made a boyfriend/girlfriend cry? 30: What’s irritating you right now? 31: Does somebody love you? 32: What is your favourite color? 33: Do you have trust issues? 34: Who/what was your last dream about? 35: Who was the last person you cried in front of? 36: Do you give out second chances too easily? 37: Is it easier to forgive or forget? 38: Is this year the best year of your life? 39: How old were you when you had your first kiss? 40: Have you ever walked outside completely naked? 51: Favourite food? 52: Do you believe everything happens for a reason? 53: What is the last thing you did before you went to bed last night? 54: Is cheating ever okay? 55: Are you mean? 56: How many people have you fist fought? 57: Do you believe in true love? 58: Favourite weather? 59: Do you like the snow? 60: Do you wanna get married? 61: Is it cute when a boy/girl calls you baby? 62: What makes you happy? 63: Would you change your name? 64: Would it be hard to kiss the last person you kissed? 65: Your best friend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do? 66: Do you have a friend of the opposite sex who you can act your complete self around? 67: Who was the last person of the opposite sex you talked to? 68: Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with? 69: Do you believe in soulmates? 70: Is there anyone you would die for?

[exocynraku]

I like to say that I absolutely adore how you design your feline characters and make them very unique. You’re my favorite warrior cat artist because of it! How do you go about designing your characters?

halloo... thank you! this ones a bit harder for me to explain, but i'll try! i'm going to specifically talk about cats, but these could be used for other types of characters, mostly furries. note: um, guess who talks too much! i had to split this post into four. so check the reblogs! 1. placing markings with PURPOSE (this is the big one!!!) it was only recently i finally managed to find a way to word this. to create a good design, you need to understand how to place markings with purpose. to me, there are two components to this: spacing/size and body wrapping. body wrapping first. this is how the markings on a cat's pelt wrap and contort around their body. bodies are not flat surfaces, they have plenty of curves, ridges, etc, which will alter the shape of markings placed on top of them. the markings on your character both needs to contort to the shape of the body part AND how it would look from the viewer's perspective. here's some examples;

in the first picture, you can see how i wrap the markings around the cylindrical shape of the leg. in the second picture, you can see both that i've wrapped the markings around the shape of the arm and belly, but likely also that the marking i've specifically highlighted on the arm is being smushed because of the bending of the arm. this leads to a better design, as when you look at it, i feels more natural than if you were to plaster markings over the cat in a straight line. here's a real-life example.

you can see how the markings curve around the body, though i find it's sometimes less pronounced as i would portray it in art. but it's there. sizing and spacing are second. these are less realistic aspects, as cat markings tend to be very random, however it art it leads to a cleaner, more readable & desirable design. sizing and spacing also have a lot to do with consistency. it's also... a little hard to show. i don't find myself messing it up in old pieces, and the designs i do know of which do this are... from strangers. who i would feel bad throwing under the bus for having designs i don't like LMFAO. but i can do my best to describe them. the size of your markings should stay relatively consistent throughout your design. what i mean by this is if you have large, thick stripes along your whole character's body, i wouldn't recommended adding one random thin, pinstripe-y stripe on your characters body. if you want to give them thin and thick stripes, then you need to have BOTH consistently throughout the body. or, give it a balance. thick stripes on the body, neck and tail, and thinner stripes on the face and legs, for example. very, very small markings are GOING to go unseen by you or others drawing the design, i absolutely guarantee it. similarly, the spacing of your markings should stay relatively consistent. for me this mostly occurs in tabby cats. if i draw, for example, the character's body stripes a certain distance apart, i'm not going to suddenly change that distance on another part of their body, such as their legs. the main issues i find with sizing and spacing is when people have issues with BOTH of them at the same time. random markings everywhere with all sorts of sizes and shapes and spacing will make your design cluttered, unreadable and unappealing. even on characters you'd think would be exceptions to this, such as randomly spotted characters/tortoiseshells, i still think about. how can i place these spots or patches in a way that will properly define the markings, making it easy to understand? how can i place spots to not make them too cluttered in certain area? etc. it's definitely a bit hard to explain, especially without visuals, but i tried lol (SOBS) (see reblogs for CONT.)

[innorris]

Rewind- L.N

Summary: Y/N, a famous singer, reunites with Lando Norris, the F1 driver she used to hook up with, when he makes a cameo in her new music video. Their past tension resurfaces, forcing them to confront feelings they never admitted.

Y/N’s POV

I adjusted the sequined dress one last time, staring at my reflection under the harsh lights of the studio. The fabric sparkled like it was supposed to, hugging my curves in all the right places. I looked perfect. At least, that’s what the world would see when the 2 Hands video dropped.

But inside? I was a mess.

I told myself it was just nerves. Big production, high expectations, Tate McRae standing in the next room rehearsing her part. But deep down, I knew it wasn’t that. It was him.

Lando Norris.

I hadn’t seen him in what—four months? Five? Not since we stopped whatever thing we had going. We weren’t together, we weren’t friends, but we weren’t strangers either. We were… complicated. Hookups in hotel rooms between his races and my shows, texts at 2 AM that turned into phone calls that lasted until sunrise. It was fun, easy. Until it wasn’t.

Until feelings got involved.

And then we both did what we do best—ran.

But now, here we were. The director had to pick him for this stupid cameo, and I had to act like seeing him again didn’t make my heart do that annoying flip in my chest.

“Alright, people! Lando’s here. Let’s get ready for the next scene!” the director’s voice echoed through the studio.

My pulse spiked. I forced myself to breathe, but when I turned around and saw him walk in—same messy curls, same effortless confidence—I nearly lost it. He hadn’t changed at all. But his eyes… when they met mine, there was something different. Something I couldn’t read.

“Hey,” he said, his voice casual, like the last time we spoke wasn’t an awkward, abrupt goodbye.

“Hey,” I shot back, cool and distant. I wasn’t about to give him the satisfaction of knowing he still had an effect on me.

“You look… different,” he said, eyes flicking over me in a way that made my skin heat up.

I raised an eyebrow. “Different good or different bad?”

His lips curved into that familiar smirk, but his voice softened. “Good.”

Before I could say something snarky, the director clapped his hands. “Places, everyone! This scene’s got tension, chemistry. I want sparks.”

Oh, there’ll be sparks, I thought bitterly.

The scene was simple: Lando walks into a dimly lit club, spots me across the room, and we lock eyes like there’s unfinished business. No acting required.

As the cameras rolled, our eyes met. And for a split second, it wasn’t just a music video. It was us, standing in the middle of everything we left unsaid.

“Cut!” the director called, but we didn’t move.

“You’re still good at this,” Lando murmured, his voice low, just for me.

I swallowed hard. “It’s called acting.”

He tilted his head, studying me like he was trying to figure me out. “Is it?”

I didn’t answer. I just walked off set, leaving him standing there like the ghost of everything I tried to forget.

Lando’s POV

I knew this was a bad idea the second I agreed to it.

When my manager told me about the cameo in Y/N’s video, I should’ve said no. Hell, I should’ve run in the opposite direction. But something about hearing her name again after all these months… it did something to me.

We weren’t supposed to get complicated. She was Y/N—the rising star, the girl with the killer voice and the laugh that stuck in my head long after we hung up. I was just supposed to be a distraction between her tour dates, and she was supposed to be mine between races.

But then it wasn’t just fun anymore.

I showed up at the studio pretending I had it under control. I’d see her, we’d shoot the scene, and I’d leave. Simple.

But when I walked in and saw her standing there in that silver dress, looking like she’d walked out of a dream I didn’t know I was still having, my plan went to shit.

“Hey,” I said, trying to sound casual.

“Hey,” she replied, cool and distant, like we hadn’t spent months tangled in each other’s lives.

“You look… different.” It slipped out before I could stop it.

She arched a brow. “Different good or different bad?

I hesitated. The truth? She looked better. Stronger. Like she didn’t need me anymore, and for some reason, that stung more than I wanted to admit.

“Good,” I said softly.

The director called us to set, and we took our places like professionals. But the second our eyes met for the scene, it felt like no time had passed. The tension between us wasn’t acting—it was real, thick enough to choke on.

When the director yelled, “Cut!” I couldn’t help myself.

“You’re still good at this,” I murmured.

“It’s called acting,” she shot back, her voice sharp enough to draw blood.

I tilted my head, searching her face for a crack in the armor. “Is it?”

But she just walked away, leaving me standing there, wondering when the hell things got so messy.

Y/N’s POV

I thought I could shake it off. Get through the shoot, avoid him, move on. But every time I turned around, he was there, lingering at the edges of my mind like a song I couldn’t get out of my head.

After the final scene wrapped, I tried to slip out quietly. But of course, he caught me.

“Y/N,” he called, his voice softer now, less cocky.

I froze, my hand on the door. I could pretend I didn’t hear him. I could walk away like none of this mattered.

But I didn’t.

I turned around, crossing my arms over my chest. “What?”

He ran a hand through his hair, looking like he wasn’t sure what to say next. That was new. Lando Norris, at a loss for words.

“Can we talk?” he finally asked.

I stared at him for a long moment, heart pounding. I wanted to say no. I wanted to tell him to go back to his perfect little F1 world and leave me alone.

But instead, I nodded.

“Five minutes,” I said. “That’s all you get.”

And maybe, just maybe, that was a mistake.

comment if you’d like more like this!! 🧡

[originalpersonayouth]

I am used to the heroes stopping by at my store. It gives good publicity and honestly, I think more people come here in hopes of seeing their favourite hero than for my actual sandwiches.

Honestly, they aren't that good. I only took over the store from my grandma because she wanted to spend her last days as a customer, not as a server. The plan was to continue the shop until she died and then sell the house to one of the heroes looking for new headquarters - the best way to make money in this city next to dealing with weapons.

When Fury destroyed the whole area in a fight against Lambman (seriously, who came up with those names?), my hopes of getting money out of the sale sank. Sitting in the ruins of the store, reminiscing about all the memories I made as a child, spending the afternoons after school with my grandmother, a woman approached me. She told me that she was Damentalist, the mind trickster of the heroes party, she had just skimmed through my memories (Lady, privacy please?!) and decided that her party would not be responsible for destroying my heritage. She assured me that her party would rebuild the shop, make it better and bigger, and wouldn't take no for an answer. So they rebuilt it from the most resistable materials they could assemble. Bulletproof glass and everything. And they assured me that I would never have to worry about the store, that they would always protect it and if ends didn't meet at the end of the month, they were glad to help me with my bills. Hip hip hooray.

So I was stuck with the store, as the heroes promised to take care of everything that would try to take my grandma's store from me. There went the dream of a house in the countryside.

But I felt like I had to show the heroes my thankfulness, even though I wasn't happy about the outcome, I mean they were mostly kids squirming for affection and praise. So I took notes, which sandwiches they liked most and named the classics of the house after the respective hero. And people started coming, wanting to know what their idols ate.

Business was booming and I was able to put a lot of money aside, and most of all I came to terms with keeping up the store even after my grandmother passed.

Of course, there were many heroes whose sandwiches weren't on the menu, especially as heroes don't tend to live long and their parties changed all the time. And people were asking about their taste, sometimes a hero would burst in and demand for their name and sandwich to be added to the menu. And saying no to a superhero is neither easy nor wise, especially if that hero is a seventeenish traumatised child with super strength and puberty issues. So I made the sandwiches, named them, advertised them, and started to believe in an early retirement again.

Until today.

A few days ago, one of the especially ill tempered heroes entered my store. He was newly discovered, some prodigy or something, traumatised and hid his insecurities behind a wall of snobbyness. He demanded his own sandwich, his own creation. I asked him how that was supposed to look like, following his exact instructions (white bread. A lot of ketchup. A Steak. Cheese. No pickles, no tomatos, no salad) and handed it to him. He took a bite and spat it out.

Then he cursed about how this was the worst sandwich he ever ate, how this was an insult towards him and how he hated the filth of this town not recognising their saviour, the usual kind of bullshit. His mentor dragged him out of the store, glaring at me.

In the evening, over a bottle of wine, I skimmed through the news and saw that little Thunderstorm got into a fight with the heroe parties biggest enemy, Nightsnake, later that day. Snickering to myself, I added another item to the menu: "Nightsnakes Nightmare", a wild mixture of everything that was left in the store. Then I went to sleep and forgot about it.

Until now. Until the door swung open and there they were, a broad figure, dressed in a dark purple gown, woven together in a snake like pattern, their long hair in a tight bun, their teeth shining out between their lips. That was the moment I remembered my newest addition to the menu, the wild combination of ingredients that I hadn't even tried yet. That would probably taste horrible. Written in bold letters on the board behind me. The board Nightsnake was looking at right now.

"H-Hey, how are you today? Welcome to Sarah's Sandwiches, what can I get you" I heard myself say in my perfect customer voice. After a pause, in which Nightsnake showed even more teeth, my customer voice added "I can recommend to you the days special sandwich, Damentalists Doom, remembering the anniversary of our beloved he--" my voice gave out when Nightsnake lifted a hand, pointing to their name, grinning wildly. My thoughts raced, remembering all the times a hero was not satisfied with "their" sandwich, the rage, the scoffs, the threats. How would a villain react, especially to a creation like this. I tried to speak again, but Nightsnake just pointed and grinned and so I started preparing, my hands shaking, my eyes locked at the moving purple gown, following the exact recipe that I never tried before, pouring in all the sauces I had, throwing in a wild mix of vegetables, herbs and proteins I had never combined before, and prepared for my untimely death. Shaking, I wrapped the outcome and handed it to the villain. Then they open their mouth and spoke. Their voice was not what I expected. Soft, dark, friendly even.

"how much do I owe you?"

I was baffled. The heroes had never even considered paying. Usually they just took the sandwiches as an offering, declaring free food for everyone currently at the store, making a huge mess and leave.

"Uhhh... Four fifty that will be" I made up a price, as low as reasonable, not wanting to anger the villain.

"Keep the change" they said with a ... Cheerful?... Voice and handed me a tenner. Then, without breaking eye contact, they lifted the sandwich to their mouth, took a bite, chewed and gulped. I held my breath, embracing my fate, waiting for the muscular hands to lunge forward and ending my misery. But instead, they took another bite. And another. They ate the whole thing, then took a napkin out of the dispenser, wiped their mouth and looked at me again.

"Not bad, not bad. I like the complexity. The mint does very well with the soy chunks, but use less Alioli next time!" They cheered, winked, turned and left.

Once the door closed, I remembered that I indeed needed to breathe. Gasping for air, trembling on my whole body, I grasped for the counter, trying to process what just happened.

When I looked up again, there stood the woman from the bookshop down the street. Had she been here before? When Nightsnake was here?

I pulled myself together, and still shaking said in my customer voice:

"hey, how are you today? Welcome to Sarah's Sandwiches, what can I get you?"

"I will try the Nightsnakes Nightmare!" She smiled. "I don't mind the Alioli."

You own a sandwich shop in the heart of a superhero city. After gaining customers by making sandwiches based on heroes, you decided to try making some based on villains. Today, a villain stopped to review theirs.

[lunaswicked]

The Main Event

A/N: I know there are plenty of Jey Girlies out here trying to get him to call them "baby" in 2025 after the Royal Rumble meet and greet. So… I wrote a little fic for y’all—enjoy!

Paring: Jey Uso, Fem!Reader

Word Count: 5.9k

Summary: You cross paths with WWE superstar Jey Uso at the end of the meet and greet event. Every glance, every touch, every word between you only makes things more intense. You've never felt anything like this before—completely lost in the moment, in him.

Tags: 18+, Unprotected AND protected p in v, body fluids, age gap (22 & 37), pet names, body fluids, language, rough, MINORS DNI

"You sure you'll be good by yourself?" My bestie, Genesis, eyed me with suspicion, arms crossed like she already knew the answer.  

I barely heard her. My gaze flickered left to right, scanning the dwindling crowd, my heart pounding with every second that passed. I was on my tiptoes, stretching my neck like a meerkat, trying to catch even the smallest glimpse of him.  

"Yeah, yeah, I'm good," I mumbled, nodding a little too fast.  

She didn't buy it, but she sighed and let me be.  

It was the tail end of the WWE meet and greet, and if it wasn’t for my mom, I wouldn’t even be here right now. According to everyone back home, I was on vacation in Puerto Rico, living my best life, soaking up the sun and eating good. Which wasn’t a lie, technically. But my mom—being the absolute legend she is—went out of her way to get me and Genesis plane tickets for this. Even though we’re 22, she still spoils me like crazy, and honestly? I don’t complain.  

But let’s be real—I didn’t fly all the way out here just for the vacation. I came for him. 

Jey Uso.  

The man, the myth, the fine ass legend.  

I’d been waiting for this moment forever, and now that I was here, my chest was tight, my hands clammy. I told myself I just wanted a picture, something to heal my inner child, to give younger me the moment she never got. But deep down? I knew it was more than that.  

I wanted to see him up close, hear his voice in real-time, not through a screen. I wanted to soak in the energy, feel the presence that made so many people gravitate toward him.  

This was my chance. I just had to make sure I didn’t freeze up the second I got in front of him.

"Aight," Genesis said, her tone laced with a mix of amusement and concern. She leaned in, pressing a quick kiss to my cheek before pulling back, her hands resting on my shoulders like she was trying to ground me. "Call me when you're done, meet me back at the hotel, or at least send me an update so I know you're alive." 

I rolled my eyes but smiled, appreciating her looking out for me even when she knew I was stubborn. "Okay, love," I said, my voice softer now, filled with gratitude.  

She gave me one last knowing look—like she could already tell I was about to lose my damn mind over Jey Uso—before turning on her heel and heading toward the exit, disappearing into the thinning crowd.

The crowd was thinning out, people slowly making their way toward the exits, chatting, laughing, clutching their signed merch like trophies. I weaved through them, my heart racing, my hands slightly clammy, but I kept moving, determined.  

Then, out of the corner of my eye, I spotted a booth tucked away from all the noise, half-hidden like a little secret. My breath hitched. I squinted, my pulse hammering as I focused in.  

It was him.  

Right there, wrapping up his meet and greet, looking even better in real life than he did on my screen.

Without thinking, I picked up my pace, speed-walking like my life depended on it. I dodged people left and right, slipping past groups deep in conversation, maneuvering around security, my one and only goal clear in my mind.  

I had to get to him.

And just like that, I reached his booth, standing mere feet away from the man I had flown all this way to see.

His head lifted, slow and deliberate, like he felt me staring before he even saw me. My breath hitched as he pulled off his shades, revealing those deep, warm brown eyes that had been living rent-free in my head for way too long. His signature mullet framed his face perfectly, the ends dipped in a splash of pink to match his fit.

His hands stilled over his bag he had been packing up, his gaze locking onto mine with an intensity that made my stomach flip. My fingers twitched as I reached into my pocket for my phone, my voice barely above a whisper.  

"Can I—" 

I didn’t even get to finish.  

Chaos erupted around us as security started ushering people out, their voices booming over the remaining murmurs of the crowd. A heavy presence loomed beside me, and before I could react, a thick hand wrapped around my wrist.  

"Ma’am—" the deep voice started, all authoritative and serious.  

Before he could finish, Jey cut in, his tone smooth but firm. "Aye, she wit’ me, uce." 

Just like that, the security guard let go, his grip instantly replaced by Jey’s much warmer, much bigger hand. The contrast sent a shiver down my spine, but I had no time to process it because Jey was already moving.  

Still holding my hand, he started walking toward the exit like it was the most natural thing in the world. And without thinking, without questioning, I followed—because how could I not?

We stepped outside, the cool night air hitting my skin as I tried to steady my racing heart. The energy was different out here—quieter, more intimate, like the world had shrunk down to just the two of us.  

Right in front of me, towering in all its glossy, decked-out glory, was his tour bus. And there he was—his face plastered right on the side of it, larger than life, staring down at me like fate was playing some kind of sick joke.  

I swallowed hard, my fingers still wrapped around my phone, but I wasn’t thinking about taking a picture anymore. Not when Jey was standing right here, holding my hand, like he hadn’t just pulled me out of a crowd and told security I was with him.  

He glanced over at me, a smirk tugging at his lips. "You good?"  

Oh, I was far from good. My brain was short-circuiting. My childhood dream and my grown-woman reality were colliding in real-time.  

But I somehow found my voice, even if it came out softer than I intended.  

"Yeah… just takin’ it all in."

Jey chuckled, a deep, smooth sound that sent a shiver down my spine. His grip on my hand tightened just slightly before he let go, reaching into his pocket and pulling out a key.  

"Aight then, c’mon," he said, nodding toward the bus.  

I blinked. My brain needed a minute to process. Was I really about to step onto Jey Uso’s tour bus? 

The door hissed open, and he stepped up first, turning back to make sure I was following. My legs moved before my mind could even catch up, carrying me up the steps and into his space.  

The inside was insane. Dim, moody lighting, plush leather seating, a huge flat-screen mounted on the wall playing highlights from Raw, and the faint scent of cologne and something sweet—probably from whatever candle was burning on the counter near the mini bar.  

Jey dropped his bag on one of the seats and turned to face me, arms crossing over his chest as he leaned back slightly. His chain glinted under the lights, catching my attention for a split second before my gaze flicked back up to his face. 

"So," he drawled, a teasing smirk tugging at the corner of his lips. "You was real determined. What’s good? You came all this way just to see me?" 

I swallowed, suddenly very aware of how close we were in this small space. "I mean… yeah," I admitted, tucking a strand of hair behind my ear. "Had to make sure I got my moment."  

Jey raised a brow, looking impressed. "Oh, so this a whole mission, huh?" He licked his lips, nodding like he was piecing everything together. "Aight, well… since you came all this way, what you want, mama? A pic? A hug? Somethin’ signed?"  

I stared at him, my heart hammering.  

"I want a picture, yeah… but also, I just wanted to meet you. Like, really meet you." My voice came out softer than I expected, but I meant every word.  

Jey tilted his head slightly, studying me for a second before that smirk deepened.  

"Oh yeah?" His voice dropped a little, eyes flickering over my face like he was trying to read me. "Aight then… let’s talk. Get comfortable. You got my attention now."  

I exhaled, feeling the weight of his words settle over me.  

I had Jey Uso’s attention.  

Now, what was I gonna do with it?

I eased down onto the seat across from him, the plush leather cool against my skin. Jey, on the other hand, sat back like he owned the place—which, I mean, he did. Legs spread wide, completely relaxed, the definition of unbothered. His chain caught the dim light as he leaned into the sofa, his fingers absentmindedly drumming against his knee.

I crossed my legs, mirroring his energy in my own way, trying to play it cool even though my heart was beating out of my damn chest.

"Why’d you help me with that security?" I finally asked, tilting my head slightly.

At that, Jey sat up, planting his elbows on his knees as he looked me dead in the eyes.

"‘Cause you ain’t look like you was finna take no for an answer," he said, his voice low and smooth. "You had that look, like you was on a mission. I respect that."

I bit the inside of my cheek, trying to suppress the smile threatening to creep up. "So, what? You just go around saving fans?"

Jey chuckled, shaking his head. "Nah, not like that." He ran a hand down his face before locking eyes with me again. "You was different. Somethin’ about the way you pulled up... I dunno. Felt like I had to see what you was on."

I felt a warmth spread through me at his words, but I kept my expression unreadable, letting my fingers trace along the hem of my skirt. "Well, now that you see me, what do you think?"

Jey’s smirk deepened, his gaze dropping for a split second—just long enough to send a wave of heat through my body—before he met my eyes again.

"I think you got my attention, mama. Question is… what you gon’ do with it?"

I let out a nervous chuckle, gripping my phone a little too tight like it was the only thing grounding me. “Umm, picture?” I asked, waving it slightly, my voice betraying how flustered I was.  

Jey’s lips curved into that signature smirk—cocky, knowing—before he leaned back, draping an arm over the back of the sofa like he had all the time in the world. “Fasho. C’mere.” He patted the empty space next to him, eyes locked on me.  

My legs felt weak as I stood, every step toward him making my pulse hammer against my ribs. I swear my knees were on the verge of buckling, but I kept it cute, sliding into the spot beside him like I wasn’t lowkey freaking out.  

I opened my camera app, my fingers slightly shaky as I adjusted the angle. Before I could even position the phone right, Jey’s arm slid around my waist, pulling me flush against him.  

My breath hitched. A tiny, soft gasp slipped out before I could stop it, and I prayed he didn’t catch it. Act normal, I told myself, trying to pretend like my body wasn’t reacting to how solid he felt against me, how his scent—something warm, masculine, and just a little sweet—wrapped around me like a damn embrace.  

Focusing way too hard, I held up the phone, ready to take the pic. I smiled, but just as I went to press the button… I realized something.  

Jey wasn’t looking at the camera.  

His gaze? Fully locked on me.  

My stomach flipped as I caught the way his dark eyes traced over my face, like he was memorizing every little detail. The way his arm was still wrapped tight around my waist, his fingers pressing just enough to make me feel it.  

And that alone? Sent a pulse straight between my legs. 

I cleared my throat, forcing myself to snap the picture before my brain short-circuited. Turning the phone toward him, I showed him the screen. “What you think?” I asked, trying to keep my voice steady.  

But when I glanced up at him, his gaze still hadn’t moved. Still pinned right on me.  

His smirk deepened, slow and deliberate, his grillz catching the dim light in the bus. He leaned in just slightly, voice dropping into something smooth, something dangerous.  

"I think…" His fingers drummed lightly against my waist, sending a little shiver up my spine. "You look real good, baby."  

My breath caught. Heat rushed to my face, but I refused to fold.  

And just like that? I knew I was done for.

I swallowed hard, my brain struggling to keep up with the way he was looking at me—like I was the only thing in the room worth paying attention to. My fingers were still clutching my phone, but at this point, I wasn’t even thinking about the picture anymore.

"Oh, so I caught your eye?" I teased, tilting my head slightly, trying so hard to keep my cool.

Jey smirked, tongue running over his grillz as he leaned back against the sofa, his arm still draped around my waist like he belonged there. "You tell me." His voice was low, smooth, carrying a weight that settled deep in my stomach. "You the one who pulled up on me like you had somethin’ to prove."

I scoffed, rolling my eyes even though my body definitely reacted to the way he said that. "Boy, please." I tried to sound unbothered, but the way my voice wavered slightly? Yeah, he definitely caught that.

Jey chuckled, his grip tightening just a little before he finally let go, his arm sliding off my waist as he stretched out. I hated how much I missed the warmth of it immediately.

"So, what now?" he asked, raising a brow. "You got your picture. You tryna leave or…?"

I bit my lip, debating for half a second before deciding I was not about to be the girl who folded too fast. "Damn, you tryna get rid of me already?" I shot back, shifting slightly so I was turned toward him more.

His smirk widened, his gaze dropping to my legs for a moment before flicking back up to my face. "Nah," he said, voice dipping just a little. "If I wanted you gone, you’d know."

A shiver ran through me at the way he said that.

"So what do you want, then?" I challenged, arching a brow.

Jey exhaled, his tongue pressing against the inside of his cheek as he studied me. Then, slow and deliberate, he reached forward, his fingers grazing my chin as he tilted my face up just slightly.

"I'on know yet," he murmured, his thumb brushing lightly against my bottom lip. "Guess we gon' have to find out, huh?"

I swallowed hard, my palm pressing against the solid warmth of his chest, feeling the steady rise and fall of his breath beneath my touch. His skin burned through the fabric of his shirt, radiating heat that sent a shiver down my spine. My fingers twitched, itching to explore more, but before I could even process what I was doing, my eyes drifted lower.  

And damn.  

The outline of his dick strained against his pants, thick and heavy, leaving nothing to the imagination. My thighs clenched instinctively, a deep ache pooling between them at just the sight of it. My breath hitched as I flicked my gaze back up, only to catch Jey watching me watching him, that cocky smirk still playing at his lips.  

"That what you lookin’ for, mama?" His voice was all deep, rich amusement, but his eyes? They were hungry. Dark. Studying every little reaction I gave him like he was committing it to memory.  

I felt my face heat, but I refused to fold. My nails lightly scraped against his chest as I tilted my head, lips curving into a slow smirk of my own. "You tell me, Jey," I murmured, dragging out his name just a little, testing the waters. "You tryna act innocent now?"  

He let out a low chuckle, shaking his head as he leaned in, closing the space between us. The scent of his cologne—warm, woodsy, with just a hint of something sweet—wrapped around me, making me feel damn near dizzy.  

"Ain’t nothin’ innocent ‘bout me, baby." His fingers trailed down to my waist, gripping me just enough to make me feel it. "Question is… you ready to handle that?"  

His words sent a spark straight through me, igniting something reckless, something desperate. My breath was shallow, my pulse hammering, but I refused to back down. I let my hand slide down from his chest, teasing over the ridges of his abs, feeling the way his muscles tensed under my touch.  

"What you think?" I whispered, meeting his gaze, daring him to make the next move.  

Jey’s jaw flexed, his tongue running over his bottom lip as his grip on my waist tightened. And in one swift motion, he pulled me fully onto his lap, his hands sliding down to cup the curve of my ass, pressing me right against the undeniable proof of how bad he wanted me.  

A sharp gasp left my lips, but he just smirked, his breath fanning against my skin as he murmured, "Oh yeah… you gon’ be a problem, huh?"  

And fuck, I was so okay with that.

I could barely keep my breathing steady as Jey’s hands roamed, his grip tightening around my ass under my skirt. His eyes never left mine, that same intense, hungry gaze flicking between my lips and my eyes, making it clear just how much he was enjoying watching me unravel. 

My breath hitched when I felt his fingers slide under the hem of my shirt. I froze, heart racing as he effortlessly unhooked my bra with one hand, his fingers brushing against my skin like it was nothing. 

“You want me to take this off?” he asked, his voice low, as though the question was a test, a dare. 

I nodded, my pulse racing as I slowly lifted my arms, silently pleading for him to just take over.  

“mhm… please, Jey.” My voice came out softer than I meant, a mixture of nerves and need, but I couldn’t hold it back anymore. He was all I could think about, all I could feel in that moment. 

A dark chuckle rumbled in his chest, and before I could blink, my shirt was over my head, tossed aside carelessly. His gaze dropped to my exposed chest, his eyes darkening, but he didn’t rush. He took his time, letting me feel the weight of his stare before his hands moved to my bra straps. His fingers brushed lightly over my skin as he slid the straps off my shoulders, and I let out a shaky breath, my body already responding to him, craving more. 

"You’re fucking perfect." 

And just like that, I felt the straps slide down my arms, the bra falling away, leaving me completely exposed to him. But the way he looked at me, like I was something to be worshipped, made the nervous flutter in my stomach turn into pure heat. I had never felt more wanted in my life. 

“Fuck,” he whispered again, his hands gently cupping my bare breasts, squeezing just enough to make me moan softly. “You don’t know what you doin’ to me.” His thumb flicked over my nipple, sending a jolt of pleasure through me that made my head spin. 

I couldn’t help but respond, my hands reaching up to tug at his shirt, urging him to take it off. The need between us was suffocating, and I wanted all of him, now. 

“Let me feel you, Jey,” I breathed, my voice low with desperation. 

He didn’t need to be told twice. His shirt was off in seconds, and as he leaned back in, his body pressing into mine, I knew I was in way deeper than I had ever planned to go. But with him? I didn’t care.

I could feel the heat of his skin beneath my fingertips as my hands roamed over his tattooed chest, tracing the intricate designs that marked his body. His muscles were like rock under my touch, every ridge and curve begging to be explored, and I couldn’t get enough of the way he felt. I let my fingers linger over his abs, feeling the tense flex of his body as he shifted beneath me.

Then, without warning, he bucked his hips up into me, the movement sending a shock of pleasure through me. I gasped, the sudden contact making everything feel even more intense. My body reacted instinctively, grinding back against him, matching the rhythm he set, my heart racing faster with every movement.

His hand slid up to the back of my neck, fingers curling into my hair, and in one swift motion, he yanked me down toward him, crashing his lips against mine in a fierce kiss. I melted into him instantly, his lips hot and demanding as they moved against mine. It was a kiss full of hunger, of urgency, and the way he pulled me even closer made my body ache for him. 

I felt his lips part, and his tongue slid into my mouth, moving with slow intensity at first, teasing me, but then it deepened, his kiss becoming more urgent, more possessive. I responded in kind, matching the hunger in his kiss, my hands tracing the lines of his chest, my fingers brushing over the tattoos again, as if trying to memorize every inch of him. 

His grip on my neck tightened, just enough to send a shiver down my spine, and he pulled away briefly, his eyes locking onto mine with a smoldering intensity that made my stomach flip.

“You feel that?” he breathed, his voice thick with desire. “You makin’ me lose my fucking mind.” 

I nodded, my lips parting as I tried to catch my breath, but he wasn’t done. His hands moved quickly, one sliding to my ass, the other gripping my pulling my thong to the side, as he rocked his hips up again, forcing me to take in the intensity of his movements. 

He could feel how much I wanted him, how wet this pussy was, and it made him smirk, that confident, cocky smirk that only added to the chaos building between us. 

“Fuck, baby,” he growled, his lips trailing down to my neck, kissing and sucking at my skin, leaving marks that would stay long after this moment was over. “You so fuckin’ wet.”

His eyes stayed locked on mine, dark and smoldering with something dangerously addictive. Slowly, deliberately, he slid a finger between my pussy lips, teasing me before finally pressing inside. A sharp gasp left my lips as I clenched around him, my body instinctively reacting to his touch.  

“shit…” I exhaled, my head tilting back slightly as a wave of pleasure rolled through me.  

Jey bit his bottom lip, watching me, clearly loving the way I unraveled for him. His fingers moved with precision, sliding in deeper before curling just right, making my breath hitch.  

"That feel good, baby?" he murmured, voice thick with satisfaction.  

All I could do was nod, too caught up in the sensation, my body already craving more. His free hand found my waist, gripping me possessively as he worked his fingers deeper, the rhythm slow but devastating. The wet sounds between us only added to the heat of the moment, my arousal pooling onto his hand, onto the sofa beneath us.  

“fuck,” he groaned, eyes flickering between my face and where his fingers disappeared inside of me. His voice was laced with hunger, like he was barely holding himself back. “You so damn sexy like this.”  

I bit my lip, my thighs trembling as he picked up the pace, his fingers scissoring inside of me, pushing me further into bliss. My hands gripped his tattooed forearm, nails digging into his skin as pleasure built, hot and heavy in my core.  

“Jey—” I whimpered, my voice barely above a breath.  

His smirk deepened, his grip tightening just enough to keep me exactly where he wanted me. He leaned in, his lips ghosting over my ear as he rasped, “Nah, don’t get shy on me now. Let me hear you.”  

And with that, he curled his fingers just right, sending a sharp jolt of pleasure through me that had me gasping his name—exactly how he wanted.

I didn’t even recognize myself anymore. I had gone completely feral, desperate for this man—this WWE superstar I’d been fantasizing about for years. Every ounce of self-control had disappeared the second he put his hands on me.  

My fingers trembled as they reached between us, fumbling with the button of his jeans. Jey watched me with hooded eyes, his smirk dripping with amusement and lust. “Go ‘head, baby,” he murmured, his voice like gravel, deep and full of heat.  

As soon as I popped the button, he lifted me with ease, his strong hands gripping my waist like I weighed nothing. I barely had time to react before he kicked off his jeans, leaving only his boxers between us. The outline of him was thick, heavy, and straining against the fabric, making my mouth water.  

My breath hitched as I reached out, slipping my fingers beneath the waistband. The moment I tugged them down, his dick sprang free—tanned, thick, and topped with a soft pink hue that made my pussy throb with anticipation.  

Jey let out a low chuckle at my reaction, his fingers digging into my thighs. “That what you wanted, huh?” His tone was teasing, but the hunger in his eyes told me he was just as gone as I was.

But nothing could’ve prepared me for the way he stood up, effortlessly lifting me with my legs still wrapped around his waist. My breath hitched as his bare dick brushed against my soaked heat, the friction making me whimper.  

Jey let out a low groan, gripping me tighter. “You feel that?” he murmured, his voice thick with need, his lips ghosting over my jaw.  

I could only nod again, too caught up in the way he carried me through the bus like I weighed nothing, his hands possessive on my skin. He walked us toward the back room, pushing the door open with ease. The moment we stepped inside, my breath stuttered—this wasn’t just some cramped space.  

A king-sized bed sat in the center of the dimly lit room, draped in navy blue sheets that looked softer than sin. The walls were bathed in a cool blue glow, the only light coming from the dim LED strips along the ceiling. Plush white carpet covered the floor, and everything smelled faintly like his cologne—dark, musky, and intoxicating.  

Jey set me down right at the edge of the bed, his large hands gripping my waist firmly before spinning me around in one smooth motion. I didn’t even think—I just moved, my body acting on instinct. I stepped onto the bed, sinking into the softness as I placed one knee down, then the other, slowly crawling toward the center.  

The air was thick with anticipation, my skin buzzing under his heated gaze. I could hear the shift of fabric behind me, feel the weight of the bed dip as he climbed on behind me. My stomach flipped, my breath shallow as I waited—aching, desperate—for whatever came next.

“Arch that back for me, baby,” Jey’s voice was thick with heat, his hands gripping my waist like he owned me.

A shiver ran down my spine as I did what he said, pressing my chest into the mattress, my back curving just the way I knew he wanted. A deep, satisfied hum left his lips, followed by the sharp sting of his palm coming down against my skin. My breath hitched, the warmth of his touch following the burn, sending a delicious ache straight through me.

“Damn,” he murmured, his hands roaming, teasing. “That’s what I like… you listen real good, huh?”

I whimpered in response, my body on fire, anticipation curling low in my stomach. He made me feel wanted—desired in a way that was almost dizzying.

“Mhm, I wanna hear it all, baby.” His voice was rough, commanding, but there was something else laced in it, something deeper. “Show me why you came all this way.”

My lips parted, a gasp escaping me as I felt him, slow and deliberate, pushing me to the edge of my own self-control. Every nerve in my body was on high alert, and when he moved, deep and steady, both of our breaths tangled in the thick, heated air.

“Jey…” his name slipped from my lips, breathy and desperate, my fingers gripping the sheets like they were my only anchor.

He let out a low groan, almost a whimper, his forehead resting against my shoulder. “Damn, you feel too good…”

As I knelt there, completely lost in the moment, he drove into me with an force that sent shivers down my spine. Each thrust was harder, deeper, more frantic, and I felt every inch of him as he filled me completely. “Oh my God, yes, papi!” I cried out, a mix of pleasure and urgency spilling from my lips. My hair clung to my sweaty skin, caught in his strong grip as he pulled me closer, making each impact even more overwhelming.

My mouth fell open in pure ecstasy, drool slipping onto the sheets beneath us as the sensations took over. I couldn’t help but let the tears flow; they mixed with the pleasure coursing through me, and I felt as vulnerable as I was exposed, like a new soul becoming a slut. I had never experienced anything like this; it was as if he was tapping into something new within me, pushing every button until I felt an explosive wave of pleasure wash over me.

Just when I thought I couldn’t take anymore, he released his hold on my hair and pressed his hands firmly into my lower back, forcing my body to arch further, deeper. “JEY—PLEASE!” I moaned so loudly that I was almost embarrassed, but the need for more overwhelmed any sense of shame. “fuck, I’m not done with you yet, mama. This pussy too good to stop,” he groaned, his voice thick with desire. And with that, the rhythm picked up once again, sending me spiraling into a realm of pleasure I never knew existed.

When he finally sat up and pulled out of me, I turned around and crawled on my knees. I positioned myself right over him, straddling his lap. He reached over to the nightstand and grabbed a condom, ripping it open with his teeth like some kind of wild animal—a move that was honestly kind of sexy. Sliding it on with quick, practiced motions, he laid back comfortably.

As I settled myself down on his waiting, needy dick, I hissed at the delicious sensation. His hands shot out and gripped my hips firmly, anchoring me in place. I couldn’t help but start bouncing up and down, feeling every inch of him fill me up. “God damn, mama!” he moaned, flashing that eye-catching smile with his grillz sparkling like they were catching the light just for me.

“Yesss, papi! Ouuu, fuck!” I moaned back, throwing my head back in pure ecstasy, my body glowing with the pleasure of the moment.

“Fuck, I’m about to bust inside that pussy,” he growled through gritted teeth, thrusting up at me like he was on a mission. Honestly, trying to fight for dominance with Jey Uso was a losing battle, but I wasn’t complaining one bit. The way he was fucking me straight up felt like I was the last woman on earth, and it was everything I needed. 

“Mmh, say my name again,” he demanded with a mischievous smirk, smacking my ass harder this time, sending shockwaves through my body that made my pussy clench around him like it was begging for more. “Pa-papiii!” I whimpered, practically begging for him. I could feel that familiar pressure building up, that sweet release creeping closer. It hit me like a freight train. I felt my orgasm rip through me as he buried himself deep, hitting that perfect spot, and then I could feel him release in the condom.

His hips jerked rhythmically beneath me, and as I looked up, I caught a glimpse of him lost in the moment. His eyes were fluttered shut, breathing heavy, and he was licking his lips like I was the feast. The sight alone sent a guttural moan escaping my lips. I felt so full, so satisfied, and then I collapsed onto him, rolling to the side, my whole body buzzing with post-orgasm bliss. 

I was absolutely exhausted, but in the best way possible. “You straight, ma?” he asked softly, his breath still uneven. I nodded, a tired smile creeping across my face.

Somewhere in the haze of exhaustion and bliss, my phone started buzzing, but I barely had the energy to care, much less pick it up. I groaned, burrowing deeper into the covers, letting the noise blend into the background.  

But then—silence.  

I peeked one eye open, confused. That’s when I saw Jey, standing at the foot of the bed, holding my phone up to his ear. Oh, hell.  

“Yo, Genesis, right?” His deep voice, smooth as ever, carried across the room as he pressed the speaker button.  

Immediately, my best friend’s voice exploded through the speaker.  

“Oh, HELL no. Who is this? And WHERE the hell is my bestie? I swear to God, if you did ANYTHING to her—”  

Jey, completely unfazed, cut her off effortlessly, his tone laced with amusement.  

“Jey. Jey Uso,” he introduced himself like it was supposed to mean something. “She wit’ me right now. And yeah, I did do somethin’ to her.” He glanced down at me, smirking like the menace he was. “Now she layin’ here all pillow princess and shit.”  

I shot up just enough to snatch at my phone, but he dodged me like this was a damn game. “Jey!” I whined, my voice still laced with sleep.  

Genesis went dead silent for a second. Then—  

“Oh my GOD??!!! Jey Uso?? Umm, okay, tell her to call me in the morning, mkay BYE.”  

And just like that, the line went dead.  

I blinked. “Did she just—?”  

Jey let out a deep chuckle, shaking his head. “Yo best friend just fanned out and dipped.”  

I flopped back onto the pillows, groaning. “That girl is a damn clown.”  

Jey finally put my phone on the nightstand, then crawled back into bed beside me, his body radiating warmth. He reached over, pulling me closer like it was second nature.  

“Guess that means you’re stuck with me till morning, huh?” he murmured, lips brushing against my temple.  

I hummed, melting into his hold. “Mm, guess so.”  If Genesis had a meltdown over that call, she was in for a lot more tomorrow.

[spanishskulduggery]

Pulling my frikkin hair out, I cannot wrap my head around the subjunctive

I mean this with the utmost sincerity, the subjunctive is something English-speakers have the hardest time understanding because English doesn't have a true subjunctive

Which is to say we don't have a separate conjugation for subjunctive, so our subjunctive looks like normal [indicative] grammar to us

The other main issue is that the subjunctive encompasses multiple things. I'm going to give a quick overview so that you understand it's okay to feel overwhelmed by it.

What also makes this worse is that there are times when indicative or subjunctive both make sense but it depends on how you mean it, and English sometimes translates them equally which is confusing

Please know that I will try to touch on everything, but not in a ton of depth - but if there's anything you want further clarification on please let me know

-

The subjunctive mood is not a grammatical "tense" that's easy to learn. It's a mood

In the same way that the indicative encompasses present tense, preterite, imperfect, future, and conditional... the subjunctive mood encompasses multiple things and each one is a learning curve

I'm saying that so you realize two things - first, that subjunctive is hard, and second, that it's not impossible to learn but it takes longer to learn

When I was in school they told us that a good part of Spanish 3 and 4 [which would be like B1/B2 level courses devoted to grammar specifically] would be trying to understand subjunctive

...

Again, a quick overview, there are three grammatical moods in Spanish

These are the imperative [commands], subjunctive, and indicative. When people try to explain the indicative they basically say everything that isn't subjunctive or a command

Moods are the umbrella terms, and each mood contains something similar to a grammatical "tense" with separate conjugations

"Moods" (el modo "mode" in Spanish) are the way Spanish is used. And "tenses" (el tiempo "time/weather" in Spanish) are best described like the ways/times Spanish is used

...

To put into really basic terms (not 100% accurate terms but as close as I can explain), the "moods" are the way Spanish is used, and the tenses are largely whether it's past, present, or future

-

As for what subjunctive mood is, it's going to depend on the ways you're seeing it

Subjunctive is primarily the mood used for: polite requests, doubt, hypotheticals and contrary to fact statements, hopes/wishes, uncertainty, and things that have the possibility to happen but might not actually happen

All of that sounds really complicated and confusing, but the more you get used to it, the more you can see subjunctive in English and you get closer to understanding it

-

When you're introduced to subjunctive in classrooms it's usually in the context of polite requests and a handful of subjunctive clauses

The polite requests (plus expressions of hope/desire or doubt) are the part of subjunctive that make the most sense

It's called "polite requests" since that's usually how it's used but it's specifically one person/thing acting on another, so it's not all requests exactly - but they follow the same pattern

These specific subjunctive expressions are two separate clauses [a subject and conjugated verb] that are separated with que

Quiero que pongas la mesa. = I want you to set the table. Dudo que llueva. = I doubt that it will rain. Espero que lleguen pronto. = I hope that they will arrive soon.

Each one is two separate clauses, with one acting on another subject

It's not possible for one subject to act on itself in subjunctive...... In other words, espero llegar pronto "I hope to arrive soon" or quiero poner la mesa "I want to set the table"

It's not possible to say "I want myself to do something" in a way that is subjunctive - it's always indicative, just one modal/helping verb + unconjugated

But likewise, with expressions that are weather or things that are 3rd person in nature, it's not possible for expressions of doubt/uncertainty regarding them NOT to be subjunctive:

Espero que no haga calor. = I hope it's not hot (out). Dudo que nieve. = I doubt that it will snow.

-

Once you move past the polite requests, desires, and doubts, you then learn more about uncertainty or when opinions or subjective thoughts can be subjunctive

This is harder to explain sometimes. People will understand more about doubt/probability - for example:

Es posible que no llegue a tiempo. = It's possible that it won't arrive on time. Puede que sea necesario. = It may be necessary.

Related to this you'll see something very important:

creer que + indicative no creer que + subjunctive

pensar que + indicative no pensar que + subjunctive

estar seguro/a de que + indicative no estar seguro/a de que + subjunctive

Expressions of opinion and belief in the affirmative are not subjunctive. But in the negative, they're subjunctive.

It's like the difference between "I think it can happen" then "I don't think it could happen" where the negative comes out more doubtful or unlikely

-

Next you'll have some subjunctive clauses, and these can be confusing but they're parts of speech that either always or usually imply subjunctive

Some of them can be indicative, but just keep an eye on subjunctive clauses - particularly be aware of if something has happened yet (indicative) or something may happen later (subjunctive)

para que = so that (something happens)

a menos que = unless (something happens)

con tal de que = as long as (something happens)

antes de que = before (something happens)

después de que = after (something happens)

hasta que = until (something happens)

You also see this a lot with expressions of subjective emotion and interest; me alegro de que, me alegra que, es necesario que, es interesante que, es aconsejable que...

Some verbs also tend to imply subjunctive:

querer que = to want (that)

desear que = to desire (that)

esperar que = to hope (that) esperar a que = to wait until (something happens) / "to await"

necesitar que = to need (that)

recomendar que = to recommend (that)

pedir que = to request (that)

sugerir que = to suggest (that)

aconsejar que = to advise (that)

rogar que = to beg (that)

exigir que = to demand (that)

obligar a que = to force (someone to do something)

insistir que = to insist (that)

dudar que = to doubt (that something will happen)

And plenty others, but usually you can sense that they're verbs of putting a request onto someone else and they almost always involve a que

The verbs by themselves aren't necessarily subjunctive, but the use of que does tend to imply an imposition of will/desire onto something else, or a feeling being placed onto something else

.......

It's also worth pointing out that many expressions can go either way

si "if" and cuando "when" can be indicative or subjunctive, but they read differently

si tienes tiempo = if you have time si tengas tiempo = if you happen to have time [sounds a little too polite, almost deferential] cuando tienes tiempo = when you have time cuando tengas tiempo = whenever you have time [sounds doubtful or hesitant]

Many expressions in English that have an -ever imply a certain amount of subjunctive of the unknown

a quien corresponda is "to whom it concerns" but it reads like "to whomever this should go to" - it's like saying "I don't know who this is supposed to go to, but to that person I have this to say..."

lo que sea = whatever [lit. "whatever it may be"]

como quieras = as you wish [lit. "however you want it"] Como gustéis = As You Like It [the Shakespeare play; lit. "however you are pleased"]

dondequiera = wherever [sometimes por dondequiera "all over the place", literally "around wherever", sometimes shortened as doquier]

adondequiera que vayas = wherever you go

cuando quieras = whenever you want

quienquiera = whoever / whosoever, whomever

Some expressions like this are understood as subjunctive because it's being done, but you don't know by who or when; that's the idea behind a quien corresponda

Sometimes it's an unknown subject or an unknown condition that lets in uncertainty

Quien lea esto... = Whoever reads this... El que esté sin pecado... = He who is without sin... [depending on the Bible version it might be el que de vosotros esté sin pecado "he/whoever that among (all of) you is without sin", some versions use ustedes instead of vosotros but either way it's subjunctive] No me importa lo que digan. = I don't care what they say. [lit. "whatever they happen to say, I do not care (about it)"]

...

There's also a very important word when it comes to subjunctive which is aunque and this will change meaning depending on if it's subjunctive or indicative

As indicative - aunque usually means "although" or "though"

Aunque es verdad que... = Although it is true that... Aunque están contentos... = Although they are happy Aunque dicen que... = Although they say that...

But as subjunctive, aunque gets used in contrary to fact statements or hypotheticals - "even though" or "even if"

Aunque sea verdad que... = Even if it's true that... Aunque estén contentos... = Even if they are happy... Aunque digan que... = Even if they say...

-

The final major aspect of subjunctive is the imperfect subjunctive which can be narrowed down to two major things

First is that it's past tense subjunctive; the same sorts of phrases you would see for subjunctive can be done in past tense:

Querían que me fuera. = They wanted me to leave. Esperaba que lloviera. = I expected/hoped that it would rain. No pensaba que fuera posible. = I didn't think it was/would be possible.

The other main aspect of imperfect subjunctive is that it can be used for contrary to fact statements and hypothetical futures

This is probably the closest you get to being able to notice the subjunctive in English:

Si fuera rico/a... = If I were rich...

English has two versions of this. We can say "if I was rich" and also "if I were rich"; the "was" is typically past tense, but "were" is directly from German's imperfect subjunctive carried over into English

Most often these expressions come up as "if/then" statements with imperfect subjunctive as the "if", and conditional tense [which is indicative] as the "then"

Si pudiera (hacerlo), ayudaría. = If I could, I would help. [lit. "if I were able (to do it), I would help. Ayudaría, si pudiera. = I would help, if I could.

As you can see, "if/then" statements can be phrased either way - the "if" describes a hypothetical reality that isn't necessarily true. The "then" says what would happen in that case

In other words "if I were able to" or "if I could" implies that I may or may not be able to; that's what's meant by contrary to fact or hypothetical

And the imperfect subjunctive can be used without conditional in some cases:

Aunque fuera verdad... = Even if that were true... Antes de que pudieran testificar... = Before they could testify... Lo escribiste en la pizarra para que todos pudiéramos ver la respuesta. = You wrote it on the blackboard so that all of us could see the answer. [or, "so that all of us would be able to see the answer" - would and could are really murky in this tense for English]

You'll also see como si fuera or como si estuviera as "as if it were"; these are ser/estar differences but just be aware:

como si fuera la última vez = as if it were the last time Los dos se quedaron en silencio como si fueran de piedra. = The two stayed silent as if they were made of stone. como si estuviera contento/a = as if he/she were happy Seguían hablando como si todavía estuviera aquí. = They kept talking as if he/she were still here.

Especially in literature you're going to see a lot of similes and analogies using como si + imperfect subjunctive for descriptions of things - things that aren't necessarily true scenarios but "as if it were"

-

*Please Note: if you look up the imperfect subjunctive you will see two separate conjugations

Latin America tends to use -iera/-ara forms for all of imperfect subjunctive

Spain tends to use -iera/-ara for a more past tense imperfect subjunctive, while the hypotheticals are usually done for Spain with the -iese/-ase forms

In other words:

Si fuera el jefe... = If I were the boss... Si fuese el jefe... = If I were the boss...

Both are accepted; just that if I see si fuese I would think Spain

Typically Spain makes more of a distinction, and Latin America uses just one form at least in my experience

The distinction is something like "if I studied abroad", one is more past tense "this would have happened if I studied abroad", and the other is more hypothetical "what if I studied abroad?" - not a perfect analogy but you can sort of see the breakdown the same way English uses "was/were" can create confusion

-

Please also note that even Spanish-speakers are not all in agreement on imperfect subjunctive. There are people who use only conditional, or use only the imperfect subjunctive and ignore the conditional tense... It's a bit of a mess, but standard Spanish recognizes both the imperfect subjunctive and the conditional

The English uses a lot of the same tense conjugations for all of this so it's just as confusing there too sometimes and often requires you to understand the vibe of what's being said, and if you mean it in a past sort of way [i.e. "could have" as in "I did have the ability to", which is podía imperfect], a conditional sort of way [i.e. "could have" as in "I could have done that (if I had the chance)" which is podría conditional], or a hypothetical sort of way [i.e. "could have" as in "if only I could have done that" which is pudiera or pudiese imperfect subjunctive]

-

There's more history involved in the imperfect subjunctive that could really bog this explanation down though

And finally, it's obsolete now but there used to be a future subjunctive which is now used in imperfect subjunctive

These endings were like -iere/-are, and you're not going to see them today unless you read old things or some legalese; like si fuere menester in older stuff comes out like "in the event of" but more literally "should it happen to be necessary"

This particular future subjunctive is very similar to English saying "should" in older dramas like "if I should choose to go" si fuere which is ir... or "if I should happen upon" which is more like si me encontrare

Again this is just so in case you see it in a conjugation chart because it will be there and it's confusing if you don't know

So if you see -iere/-are forms, that's what that means and don't worry about it but just know what it is

...

One final tip:

Conjugating the present subjunctive is using the present tense (indicative) yo conjugation, and then switching the typical ending [with the exception of irregular verbs like ser, ir, dar, haber and a handful of others]

So in general your conjugation will depend on what the present tense yo looks like and thus it's really important to know your irregulars and stem-changing verbs:

hablo -> hable, hables, hable, hablen, hablemos, habléis vivo -> viva, vivas, viva, vivan, vivamos, viváis como -> coma, comas, coma, comamos, comáis digo -> diga, digas, diga, digan, digamos, digáis tengo -> tenga, tengas, tenga, tengan, tengamos, tengáis pido -> pida, pidas, pida, pidan, pidamos, pidáis duermo -> duerma, duermas, duerma, duerman, durmamos, durmáis pienso -> piense, pienses, piense, piensen, pensemos, penséis

And all weird ones like conozco -> conozca, finjo -> finja, venzo -> venza, and so on.

Imperfect subjunctive conjugates according to 3rd person (plural) preterite

You'll get tuvieron -> tuviera, dijeron -> dijera, durmieron -> durmiera, etc. And the weird ones here like leyeron -> leyera, condujeron -> condujera

If you're not there yet don't worry about it but that's the pattern you're following; also note that ser and ir have the same conjugation in preterite so it's both fuera

As always if you have any specific questions let me know. It's a LOT of stuff, and some of it makes a bit of sense, a lot of it takes getting used to

[starredblood]

NOWHERE GIRL

PART SIXTEEN

kang sae-byeok x fem!reader

synopsis: you and sae-byeok’s plan to sneak back into your apartment goes haywire, all in the midst of your conflicting feelings towards her.

wc. 4.2k

warnings: none

(nowhere girl masterlist)

You know the dangers of liking someone like Sae-byeok could entail but feelings betray you in the worst ways possible. Now, it was like your mind couldn’t help itself from grasping onto every minute detail on her face. You always knew she was an attractive girl, but now you can’t help but admire her attractiveness in a rose-colored lens. It’s…bizarre.

The last time you felt these strange feelings for someone was your ex best friend from high school. But you feel differently about it this time. As you become more comfortable with your sexuality and Sae-byeok’s awareness of it, you feel twice as vulnerable.

You knew yourself well enough that this epiphany would keep you up at night so once you got to bed, you made sure to take melatonin gummies to prevent your mind from racing. But even when you shut your eyes all you could see was Sae-byeok. Especially her eyes. Her dark eyes that are haunted yet underneath them are the faint sign of love she’s trying to hide from everyone.

A night of dreamless sleep was disrupted when you felt your body stir awake by a hand shaking your shoulder. You wake up, sweat beads dripping down your forehead and your heart racing. You despise a melatonin induced sleep.

Cheol is standing in front you, eyes full of concern as you try to make sense of the fact that you’re awake now. Once your eyes settle on the boy, your fight or flight instincts die now. You insisted that you would walk Cheol to school today because it was too risky for Sae-byeok to be seen with Cheol, who needs to be guarded at all times. Who knows if Deok-su or his gang could be spying on them.

“Did you have a nightmare?” Cheol asks, grasping the straps of his school bag tighter in fret.

“Uh, yeah.” you stammer and pull yourself up the couch.

Immediately you’re hit with the scent of Sae-byeok. You peer down at your clothes, you were currently wearing her sweatpants and hoodie to sleep in. It suddenly dawns on you why you took the melatonin in the first place.

“If you can’t take me to school it’s okay. I can go by myself.” Cheol says timidly.

“No, I’ll take you just give me a few minutes to brush my teeth.” you tell him, patting his head before heading to the bathroom.

It was seven o’ clock in the morning and you have a feeling neither girls who live in this apartment complex are here right now. You know Ji-yeong would be at work but Sae-byeok’s whereabouts are a complete mystery. When you enter the bathroom the first thing you do is go on your phone to call your place of work. It was a bad look on your end to call in sick for an internship, but today was an important day. So, you did your best to sound groggily and weak when you’re on the phone with your boss.

To be frank, it felt like Cheol was the one taking you to school. Your sluggish footsteps concerned the boy from time to time and you fail to mask your sleepiness so he would turn to check up on you every now and then.

“Noona,” starts off Cheol after five minutes of walking in pure silence. You hum in response. “why did you come back? Did you get kicked out of your place?”

You quietly chuckle. “No, uh…there’s a leak in the apartment and it’s too—dangerous for me to go right now.” if you recall that was the lie Sae-byeok told Ji-yeong when she asked if you could stay at their place.

“Then you aren’t staying with us for long?”

“It depends on how long it takes for them to fix the leakage.” you say. “Why? Miss me already?”

Cheol smiles faintly. “I want you to live with us. Then you can show me how to draw as good you as you.”

“You’re really passionate about art, huh?”

“I—I think so.” he says, glancing down at his stained hands. “My friends like my drawings but I don’t think they are good. Not like yours.”

“Let me give you an advice, from artist to artist.” you say and the boy listens attentively. “Don’t ever compare your work to anyone else’s. Focus on how your art reflects you as a person—and practice like hell. Oops, I mean—“

“It’s okay.” he giggles. “Thanks for the advice, Noona. I really want to become an art student like you.”

Pride swells your heart. You never thought you’d see the day when someone looks up to you as an inspiration. If you were being honest, the advice you gave Cheol was something you struggled with as a young artist back in your middle school and high school years. Comparing yourself to others made you feel so insecure about your work and it wasn’t until you came to college when you strayed away from that mentality.

“Wow.” you mumble. “That’s—great. I will make sure to help you become a great one too.”

His grin becomes larger to the point he is showing his teeth. A rare occurrence. When he smiles like that you wonder if Sae-byeok has ever smiled this large before.

“Did you always like doing art?” he asks.

You gaze up at the orange sky to pause and think. “Yes, but at first my parents didn’t want me to study art.” you reply.

“Really? Why?”

“They said it wasn’t a real profession but I proved them wrong eventually.”

“Are your parents gone too?” he asks innocently.

“Huh?”

“I heard Ji-yeong noona say once that you don’t live with them anymore. It’s okay, my dad is dead too.”

Your eyebrows furrow in concern. However, Cheol appears to be unfazed. He must’ve seen things no child should bear the weight of seeing, yet his childlike innocence is still alive and well. It was hard for you to find the right words to tell him right now—he didn’t notice you struggling.

“But you’re going to reunite with your mom soon, right?”

Cheol heaves out a sigh. “Noona, says she’s working on it but…I don’t think she’s going to escape.”

“Cheol...” you frown.

A tiny gasp escapes his mouth as if he just noticed he spoke his thoughts out loud. “Please don’t tell her I said that. I—I didn’t—“

“No, no, I won’t say a single word to her.” you say, mimicking zipping your lips up.

Cheol nervously laughs and starts looking down at the sidewalk, face red with embarrassment.

“Are we almost to your school by the way? I feel like we’ve been walking for ages.”

He hums to say yes and glances at you some more, his eyes staring at your current attire. “Is that my sister’s hoodie by the way?”

Your face becomes flushed. “It is.”

“I’m surprised she let you have it. That’s her favorite.” he claims. “When Ji-yeong noona wore it one day my sister wasn’t so happy about it.”

Your conflicting emotions come washing back. She let you borrow her supposed favorite hoodie—how can your heart not start racing?

“We finally made it!” he cheers, pointing at the school building at the end of the block. “Thanks again for walking me to school.”

“Of course. I’ll be back to pick you up.” you chirp. He sends you a thumbs up and starts rushing to the school when they heard the faint sound of the school bell ringing.

You observe him until he’s enters inside the school before turning back around to head back to the apartment. By now, the sun already starts scorching down on you and you’re starting to feel the sweat beads form on your forehead.

It was hard not to think of her on your way back. The comment Cheol said made your mind go all loopy again like last night. It’s scary how your feelings for a person can change with just a flicker of a switch. Now, all you think about throughout your small journey is if Sae-byeok will be home once you arrive. You two have made an arrangement to get your stuff back from your studio after all.

Entering the pin to enter their apartment, you bite the inside of your cheek in anticipation. A part of you doesn’t want Sae-byeok to be behind these walls in fear of the butterflies in your stomach coming back. But the other part needs to see her freckled face and hear her low handsome voice again.

“Good morning.” says that husky voice of hers the second you appear from the entrance. “I made breakfast.”

“Morning.” you whisper, not daring to look over at her from where she is standing in the kitchen.

You drag your feet to the kitchen, timidly observing her.

Her sleeves were rolled up, exposing her tanned forearms while she plates your food. It was the most attractive thing you’ve seen her do thus far.

When she goes to glance at you, you immediately look anywhere else. You start feeling self conscious of your body language and don’t know what to do with your arms so you leave them pressing against your sides.

“Why are you standing like that?” Sae-byeok asks, immediately catching onto your stiff and strange behavior. She sighs when you don’t reply to her. “Fine, whatever. Anyways, I think we should leave to head to your apartment in about an hour. You think that’s a good time to go?”

“It’s a little too early but I guess the suns already shining…Yeah, why not.” you shrug, focusing on the breakfast meal hard. “I want to get this over with.”

While you were too busy turning your back on Sae-byeok, she observes your antics carefully. It wasn’t difficult to sense her intense gaze. But you do your best to maintain your eyes on your food and your food only.

“Woah—what’re you doing?” you quickly ask when you feel her calloused fingers reach to tuck strands of your hair behind your ears.

Sae-byeok’s face remains deadpanned as ever and she leans on the counter to fully survey yours. “Are you nervous about going back?” she asks calmly.

“Definitely.” you lie.

She lets out a quiet snort. “Okay. But as long as I’m there you’ll be fine.”

⊹ ✿・・───・・✦・・───・・✿

“Is this all?”

You collapse on the edge of your bed. It was exhausting having to pick and choose what to take with you back to her apartment. It was even worse seeing the place you found sanctuary in get flipped upside down by Jang Deok-su and his gang. Everything you owned, they left on the floor. Luckily, you didn’t have anything of value for them so it was a matter of you digging stuff off the ground and stuffing them inside a laundry bag.

Sae-byeok was keeping an eye by the entrance of your studio while you gathered as much stuff as possible—most being your clothes and art supplies. You didn’t really care for your kitchen utensils.

When you are all set you drag the laundry bag that’s filled to the brim down to where Sae-byeok is standing, watching over at the stairways like a hawk.

“Y—Yeah, that’s all. Here.” you say out breath and pass the bag to her. “Take this downstairs while you talk to Miss Ahn. I need to find my sketch pad.”

There is a glint of hesitation etching her face at the thought of leaving you here by yourself. She peers back at the staircase, there no signs of any intruders, and glances back at you. Nodding, she takes your bag and drags it down the stairs.

You go back upstairs to your bedroom and start searching for your sketch pad. It was the most recent one with your drawings from this past semester, you couldn’t just let it go. Especially not when a ton of drawings contained the girl who keeps making your heart race.

After searching every nook and cranny the only place that’s left to search is the bottom of the mattress. You overestimate your ability to lift two layers of heavy cushioning, making you grow more tired as you kept lifting it up. Luckily there was a familiar rectangular shaped object by the corner of the bed.

You sigh in sweet relief that your sketch pad was in your possession, and you press it up to your chest as if you were hugging it. Now it was time to scurry out of here—leaving some bits and pieces of you behind.

A fleeting gasp escapes from your mouth when you see a short lanky man that appears to be susceptible of harm. He slowly makes his way toward the kitchen but spins around when he heard your footsteps coming down the stairs. A sinister smile appears on his face, showcasing his rotten teeth. His beady eyes look at you like a piece of meat.

“And who are you little lady?” he grunts, his eyes malevolently eyeing you up and down.

You swallow thickly. “This is my apartment.”

He scoffs and takes a few steps forward, making you take a few steps back up stairs. “Where’s, Kang Sae-byeok?”

“Who?”

“You know, I have a deep hatred for liars. I’ll give you one more chance to tell me the truth or you’ll regret spewing lies in that scummy mouth of yours.”

You press your lips in a thin line, hoping and hoping that Sae-byeok will magically appear with her pocket knife and a whole lot of anger. But after a few seconds of your silence, the man cackles and starts pacing over to you at a much quicker pace.

However, you knew you had an advantage. Being at the top of the stairs you prepared yourself to kick him down the stairs if he tried coming up. Gangsters must be dense, you think as he does what you imagine. Using all the strength your muscles have, your foot lands square in his chest making him topple down. You skip a couple of stairs and race out of your apartment.

“Sae-byeok! Sae-byeok!” you cry out once you burst open the outside door. No signs of her.

“Come back here, you bitch!”

You didn’t want to risk exposing her to the gangster so you scramble trying to find somewhere to run. The loud grunting behind you lets you know that he’s trailing close behind you.

“Help! Help me!” you shout as you run but the lack of passerby’s on the sidewalk makes your shouting useless as it was still morning hour.

Sliding inside a narrow alleyway you shuffle all the way to the other side. You can hear the man faintly shout profanities as you try reaching the far end of this sticky alleyway.

“Where do you think you’re going, huh?”

When you reach the end, he ends up spotting you and moves faster than you. Your bottom lip trembles in fear and your eyes dart every entrance in this alleyway. Only one back door was open so you head inside it.

You quickly discover that this was the back door of the public library—there has to be workers here that can possibly help you. So, you bolt to the front desk to find someone.

“Miss! M—Miss!” you stammer, sending pleading eyes to the elderly lady at the front desk scanning books.

“Oh, dear,” she says, her shaky hands dropping the book because of your shouting. “is it opening time already?” she bends down slowly to pick up the book. This was useless.

You groan and head to the entrance of the building to open the door. No—they weren’t open yet.

“What the hell is my life!” you whine as you try shaking the locked door in frustration.

“You fucking bitch I know you’re in here! Where are you?!”

You were cornered in this library. The only option you have is to run and hide in between the tall narrow shelves arranged with ancient books. You clamp both your hands to your mouth to stop yourself from breathing so loudly, concentrating on his footsteps. When he got nearer you shakily crawl to the other aisle, then the other aisle, and another isle. You were starting to lose hope as you were reaching the last aisle.

“Hello? Who’s there?” you hear the elderly woman ask around. You hold back your breathing again.

There was an abandoned book cart on the very last aisle, so you curl behind the moment she spoke. You hear more sets of rapid movements speed across you to the front door. It’s the man—and he’s shouting at the elderly employee.

“Who do you think you are barging into my library?!” she scolds.

This was your only chance to pull out your phone and try to reach Sae-byeok. At this point, she surely would’ve realized you disappeared. When you pull your phone out of your pocket it slips from your shaky fingers. You bite your bottom lip so hard a metallic taste began to creep onto your taste buds.

“The only intruder in this library is you, sir!” she keeps shouting at the man who is asking about your whereabouts. “Now get out of here!”

They didn’t hear your phone land on the ground. You snatch it back and quickly pull up her contact to share your location. It was a difficult task when your hands couldn’t stop from shaking.

You stay curled up in a balled up position behind the book cart for who knows how long, the library must be open by now with how long you’ve been sitting there. At this point, you become more concerned with Sae-byeok’s well being than yours. She hasn’t called out or texted you anything after sending her your location.

Using the cart as an arm support, you use the last bit of strength you had left to lift your feet back up. When you carefully poke your head out of the bookshelf aisle, you land back down on the ground with a thud. Something or someone hit you right on the forehead. Hard.

You and whoever you knocked heads with groan in pain, unable to get off the floor from the hard impact.

Opening your eyes was a task. But when you did, you were so glad. So so relieved that it was, Sae-byeok. There is no one in the world you would be glad to headbutt other than her right now.

Her eyes flutter open the same time yours do. But she is quicker to get back on her feet and throws herself on you.

“Oh my god.” she shakily whispers beside your ear, hugging you with a great squeeze. “W—What the hell happened? Are you okay?”

She breaks the hug to press both her large hands against your cheeks and inspects every inch of your face. Her face so close to yours you feel her wavering breath hit you. You appear to be fine other than your cheeks turning scarlet.

“I’m fine.” you say. “But—But we have to go he might be around.”

“You’re incredibly reckless.”

“Wh—“

“I like it.” she mutters and dips down to give you another quick embrace. She then grabs your arms to pull you back up. “Don’t worry I got your stuff here. Let’s go.”

She takes your hand while the other one is grabbing your bag and you both manage to slip out the back door of the library without being seen by early bird customers or the elderly employee.

You follow Sae-byeok’s lead, who was seamlessly moving from alleyway to alleyway all the way to the apartment. You weren’t too surprised to know that she was an expert at hiding and sneaking around. But you did get worried since she was getting tired holding your stuff—because they were a bit heavy. Time from time she would shoot you a quick glance to make sure you’re keeping up with her pace.

“You’re okay. We’re here now.” she assures airily when you both reach the apartment building.

“That…” is the only word you can muster when you finally step inside your newfound sanctuary. Sae-byeok tosses your bag to the side and soars for the couch and stares up at the ceiling catching her own breath—her cheeks blazing red too. “was horrible.” you finally finish.

Sae-byeok silently agrees with you and palms her face, exhaustion clearly reaching to her. You couldn’t even move away from the front door where your back is currently leaning on.

“Do you want to lay down in my room?” she asks you softly after long minutes of trying to calm your nerves down.

You hope the queasiness in your stomach was from the unsettled nerves and not for the fact that she offered to take you to her bed.

“No, it’s okay.” you quietly reply. Just like this morning, you’re unable to look at her. You mentally curse to yourself when you hear her feet shuffling louder and louder.

“Come on, you should properly lay down on a bed.” she prods you in the arm to make you get off the floor. You groan.

Her poking was constant. She wasn’t stopping until she gets the answer she wants.

“Fine…”

You pull yourself back up and drag yourself to follow her to her room. The room was rather quaint with no decorations other than Cheol’s drawings littered aimlessly around the walls. Besides that, the only thing they owned was the king sized bed and a small drawer beside the bed.

She slides to one side of the bed and her muscles immediately relax when lying down. You sit on the edge awkwardly peering down at your lap. If she offered you to lay down on her bed days ago, you would’ve done it without the fear of her touch. Now, it’s hard to be around her without thinking deeply about your growing feelings.

“I said lay down. Not sit down.” her deep voice says, matter-of-factly.

You roll your eyes and slowly rest your back on the mattress. You two keep your eyes trained at the ceiling. But this was better than sitting.

“So, what happened?” she asks.

“Once you left a short skinny guy came in. He asked for you and got violent when I didn’t answer. So…I got chased. And you found me.” you answer dryly.

“Sorry. I shouldn’t have asked right away.” she murmurs. You hear her pillow rustle, perhaps facing you now. “You’re okay though, right?”

“Yeah. I’m okay.”

Sae-byeok frowns. You’ve been acting off but she gives you the benefit of the doubt. You did get chased by one of Deok-su’s gangsters.

Since you don’t seem to notice her staring, she studies the scars of your past. The bruise in your cheek inflicted by Yen-ho is long gone, but your legs always seem to be scraped, and you still were sporting a bandage on your chin. She’s curious if your skin was smooth like porcelain before she met you or were you always prone to getting scars.

“You’re going to Italy soon.” she says, hoping that you become less tense after steering the topic. “You must be excited.”

You softly chuckle. “No. I’m actually scared.”

“Once you get there you’ll regret feeling scared. I hear Milan is beautiful.”

It was at this moment that you couldn’t bear not looking at her. Her eyes were captivating. “I’ll bring you a bunch of stuff…if you want.”

“That’d be nice.” a suppressed smile flickers and dies on her lips.

“You’re the reason I’m going of course I’ll get you souvenirs.”

You stare at the ceiling some more until you hear her softly say your name beside you. She too kept her eyes on the ceiling with a stoic look on her face.

“Don’t say a word but…” she swallows thickly. “I’ve been thinking for a while. I think I’m like you in the sense that I’m…”

Your lips are parted, a fervent twinkle setting in your eyes. The anticipation of her words is keeping you on edge.

“—into girls.” she finally finishes. “Just girls, I think.”

The air was knocked out of your lungs thanks to her confession. You were dying to know if potentially you played a small role in her finding out about this big discovery.

You were drowning in your thoughts you didn’t hear her phone alarm going off.

“Cheol is getting off school in a few.” she sighs and turns off the alarm. She gives you a quizzical look, as if she didn’t just confess something huge to you just now. How can someone be so calm about this? Only someone as enigmatic as her, of course.

“Oh—yeah I’ll pick him up.” you stammer and roll off the bed. You had to get away before you explode.

“Thanks. Once you both get back I’ll have food prepared.”

You simply nod and pace out the room.

Your heart keeps pounding till you hear the thumping sounds on your eardrums. Why did she confess this to you all of a sudden? She must’ve caught onto you. But you still need time to think—do you seriously like Sae-byeok? If so, will you be willing to risk rejection or run away from it?

🏷️: @monroesturnns @knfthxv @jumpedthenfell-13 @peelover25 @karli6 @kissedberries @bitchybananaflower @laurenkenss @saebyeokbliss @everly-summers-solace @we1rdth0ughts @wlvlurvsfimmia

[flamnhotlemon]

Making Vision Boards

AdvisorElle, Episode 3

[To: The person who requested this post (not adding the username for privacy) - Thank you so much and I wish you all the best <3]

I mentioned vision boards and how they work so well for me in my previous post. Before I get into how I make mine and my tips, here are some goals that I reached by giving myself the ability to see what I was working towards.

2024 (February, April and November - I would include most months, but these were the most memorable)

During February, I managed to live a lifestyle EXACTLY like the one on the photos (studying, working hard, reading more, stretching and taking care of my health).

April was the month that my grades were given (for that specific term) - and guess what, I passed well!! I also studied more Japanese, did more ballet, got more books and baked more that month.

Last but not least, one of my favourite months of last year - during this November, I managed to make new friends, dress really well and feel good about myself, I read more. I essentially achieved everything on this board during that month.

Now these are only some examples of the vision boards that I made throughout the year (and it was my first time trying that out!). But something that I quickly realized was that these vision boards were there not to be stared at without any form of work, I needed to put in the work, not just the pretty images.

Moving on to my tips:

Please make a 'monthly intentions' list or breakdown of what you want to do during the month. These can work towards "bigger" yearly goals, or they can just be random goals you want to work towards, as long as they are taking you forward or maintaining where you are now.

Look for images and quotes that actually align with these goals. Through Pinterest or any other media app. If you are like me, and you want everything to stick to one theme, you can search up colours or 'aesthetics' behind each word. For example, some of the images that I got on my November vision board appeared by searching 'brown aesthetic' and going underneath any images that appeared to align with my goals.

In addition, if you don't manage to find the quotes that you want, you can make them yourself via Canva and save them as images. [Example: November (3rd image) - top row, second image.]

The images chosen don't need to explicitly state "THIS IS THE GOAL" unless you want it to, you just need to have the association with each image.

I want to emphasize this: the images you choose MUST not be ones you kind of just slap on the Canva document or PowerPoint, they actually need to have meaning. (This was something I struggled with while doing my first vision board and it ended up just becoming another random background).

I did mention before, but they do help making each month more intentional. They also give you something to look at when you're maybe feeling unmotivated or tired while working through goals (which is why most of the workbooks made by A.M. Journals feature one). And (in my humble opinion) making monthly vision boards is a lot less daunting that yearly vision boards. I may switch out the focus of each month based on what I'm going through or what goals I really want to press into achieving.

Above all, there is a beauty in being able to navigate yourself, no matter what you go through and no matter what comes your way.

X's and O's, Elle.

[electraslight]

i absolutely adore your art, especially the way you draw nudity!! id love to try and practice drawing nude bodies more, do you have any tips or tricks for drawing?

hi! ive been drawing nudity for as long as ive been able to draw, since casual nakedness is something ive always felt comforted by post coming out of religion. most of the ways i got good were after i stopped seeing sex or sexuality, and thought more about construction. here is a list: 1. Learn about muscles and the skeleton first. when im stuck on a nude figure, i usually look up the musculature for that paticular body part and use it as a guide. learn how muscles flex and move by 2. look at yourself. if youre stuck, look in a mirror and imitate the post, or hell, if youre stuck on a hand look at your hands. move your body and watch the muscles flex and the tendons tighten. 3. look at people of all body types. nudity of someone 'undesirable' isnt any less important to study, since breaching your comfort zone is the best way to improve creativity.

ive always viewed anatomical study for the nude figure as healing, somewhat spiritual. i look at myself and i watch my hands move, i watch my collarbone cave when i move my torso, and everything devolves into muscles and tissue and it stops feeling like a husk i inhabit and more like all of me. i used to be terrified of the male form until i studied it. i remember buying a gay porn magazine in the city when i turned 18 and looking at the bodies and feeling less shy about liking them. I think the reason i gravitate to the nude is that we are all naked and we are all complex and i can find anyone beautiful if i look at the bareness of their building blocks. i remember in one of my books on anatomy it said something similar about cadaver study at art school.

anyway i know you didnt ask me this looking for something so sappy, but i felt the need to share. nakedness is healing. thank you for your ask

[simplyraeblue]

King and Captive

(Hunter and Hunted Spin-Off) read here

modern au a chance meeting with Sukuna quickly turns into a nightly routine you can't escape. as the lines between game and something more blur, you start to wonder—how long can you keep playing, or will Sukuna make you his next conquest? !Sukuna x !femreader

chapter warnings/tags: swearing, drinking, mild angst, new character appearance!!, nothing else this is pretty basic A/N: I promised myself I wouldn't leave you guys with the angst for too long (• ᴗ -) BUT that also doesn't mean it's gonna be an easy road from here for our gentle reader (hehe) and our dear Sukuna. also I had literally dreamt about their next interaction and how Sukuna would be acting... thus, sweaty and panicked Sukuna was born.

index part seven | part nine

part eight word count : 4,143

The next two days passed in a blur. You weren’t sure if it was the exponentially horrible hangover you had the morning after everything went down, or if your mind was simply protecting you from a harsher fate. Either way, you functioned on autopilot—work, home, sleep, repeat.  

Even Sukuna seemed to understand something you didn’t—his texts and calls had stopped within twenty-four hours. That silence should have been a relief, but instead, it felt like a hollow weight in your chest.  

By the third day, you were barely holding it together. Work felt like wading through wet cement, your mind constantly drifting despite your best efforts to stay focused. Everything around you seemed to move at normal speed while you felt stuck in place, every noise too loud, every task taking twice as long as it should.  

You kept your head down at your desk, ignoring the buzz of office chatter and the occasional concerned glance from your coworkers. You didn’t want their sympathy, didn’t want their questions. The last thing you needed was to explain why you felt like a walking corpse—why you hadn’t been able to sleep, why food tasted like nothing, why your stomach twisted every time you so much as glanced at your phone.  

The lack of messages from Sukuna should’ve made things easier, but instead, it gnawed at you. He hadn’t tried to reach out again. No texts, no missed calls. Just silence.  

Maybe this was his way of giving you space. Maybe… maybe he had finally decided you weren’t worth the effort.  

That thought made your chest ache in a way you hated to acknowledge.  

“Hey,” a voice broke through your daze, snapping you back to reality. You blinked up to see one of your coworkers—Mai, standing next to your desk with an arched brow. “You good?”  

You forced a tired smile. “Yeah. Just… long week.”  

Mai didn’t look convinced. “It’s Wednesday. You look like hell.”  

“Thanks,” you muttered, rubbing your temples.  

She leaned against your desk, arms crossed. “You’ve been weird the past few days. Not sleeping?”  

You sighed, debating how much to say. “Something like that.”  

Mai studied you for a beat, then shrugged. “Well, if you need to get some air, take a break or something. You’re not gonna get much done in this state.”  

You wanted to argue, but she wasn’t wrong.  

After a few more minutes of staring blankly at your screen, you finally caved and pushed away from your desk, grabbing your coat and stepping outside.  

The cool air hit you like a slap, but it helped—if only a little. You leaned against the wall of your office building, inhaling deeply and trying to shake the exhaustion that had settled into your bones.  

Then, almost out of habit, you reached for your phone.  

No new messages. No missed calls.  

Your chest squeezed. You’d thought maybe—just maybe—he’d break first.  

But he hadn’t.  

And somehow, that hurt more than you’d expected. 

Mai found you outside barely five minutes later, hands shoved into the pockets of her blazer, a knowing smirk tugging at the corner of her mouth. “Wow,” she said, stopping next to you and leaning against the wall, “you really are spiraling.”  

You let out a slow breath, watching it mist in the cool air. “I’m not spiraling,” you muttered, tucking your phone away before you could refresh your notifications for the hundredth time today. “Just… needed a break.”  

Mai scoffed. “Sure. And I needed a break from the incredible amount of work I’ve been avoiding.” She side-eyed you. “C’mon. I know what heartbreak looks like.”  

You stiffened at the word. “I’m not heartbroken.”  

Mai let out a sharp laugh, tipping her head back against the brick. “Uh-huh. Then why do you look like a walking funeral? And don’t tell me it’s just because of work—I know you, and I know that’s not what’s got you acting like a ghost.”  

You groaned, tilting your head back as if the sky might offer you some relief. “I don’t wanna talk about it.”  

“Yeah? Well, tough shit, ‘cause you look miserable, and I’m not gonna let you drag your sad ass through another eight hours of work looking like you just got hit by a truck.”  

You sighed, giving in because, really, Mai was relentless when she wanted to be. “It’s just…” you hesitated, rubbing your temple. “I had a thing with someone. It got… complicated. And now I don’t know where we stand.”  

Mai hummed, unimpressed. “Lemme guess. Some emotionally unavailable jackass who you thought had a soft side, but surprise—he’s just as messed up as you feared?”  

You groaned. “Not just messed up. He’s…” You hesitated, choosing your words carefully. “He’s someone with a past. A bad one. And I didn’t know how to deal with it when I found out.”  

Mai studied you for a beat. “So you bailed?”  

Your stomach twisted. “Not exactly. I panicked. I left before I could say something really stupid. And now…” You gestured vaguely at your phone, still sitting in your coat pocket like dead weight. “Now, I don’t know if I should reach out first, or if I just let this whole thing fall apart.”  

Mai clicked her tongue. “Alright, first of all, if he gave a shit, he’d have tried harder by now. No offense.”  

You winced.  

“But,” she continued, “I also know you, and you wouldn’t be this torn up over some random guy. So the real question is… do you still want him?”  

Your breath hitched.  

Did you?  

God, you wished the answer was easy. It would be so much simpler if you could just move on, pretend none of this mattered. But the ache in your chest, the way you still checked your phone, the way his absence felt wrong—it all told you the truth you were too scared to admit.  

Mai must have seen it on your face because she let out a sigh, rolling her eyes. “Yeah, okay. That’s what I thought.”  

You frowned. “That obvious?”  

“Painfully.” She shoved off the wall, brushing imaginary dust off her sleeves. “So here’s the deal. You either text him and get it over with, or you stop acting like a lovesick idiot and move on.”  

You swallowed. “And what if I’m scared of what he’ll say?”  

Mai shot you a pointed look. “You should be scared if this guy is as bad as you say he is. But if he’s worth the trouble, then you also have to be brave enough to face him.”  

You exhaled through your nose. “I hate that you’re making sense.”  

Mai grinned. “It’s a gift.”  

She started toward the building, tossing a glance over her shoulder. “You coming?”  

You hesitated, glancing at your phone again. Your fingers itched to type something, to reach out, to bridge the silence. But your heart was still pounding, still uncertain.  

“…Give me a minute,” you murmured.  

Mai raised a brow, but she didn’t push. “Don’t be late,” she said, disappearing back inside.  

You stood there for another long moment, staring down at your phone, the screen still dark and empty.  

Then, finally, with a deep breath—you unlocked it. 

The rest of the workday dragged. No matter how much you tried to focus, your mind kept circling back to the same thoughts—Sukuna, the silence, what you should do next. You hadn’t told Mai whether or not you’d texted him, and she didn’t ask. Maybe she figured you needed time to decide. Or maybe she just assumed you were still being stubborn.  

By the time the day was finally over, you were exhausted—not from work, but from thinking too much. Your nerves felt stretched thin, and the weight of everything was pressing down on you harder than before.  

So when Mai popped up beside your desk as you were gathering your things and said, “C’mon, we’re going out,” you didn’t argue.  

“You’re dragging me out drinking on a weekday?” you asked, slinging your bag over your shoulder.  

“Absolutely,” Mai said without hesitation, already heading toward the door. “You need a break, and I need to watch you embarrass yourself after one too many drinks. It’s a win-win.”  

You rolled your eyes but followed her anyway.  

It wasn’t until you stepped outside and she led you down the familiar path that realization struck.  

“We’re going there?” you asked, stopping in your tracks.  

Mai barely glanced at you, unfazed. “Yeah. What, you suddenly hate our local bar?”  

Your stomach twisted. Our bar. The one right next to your office, the one where you had met Sukuna, where he had been waiting for you almost every night since that first meeting. Where he had always been, drink ready before you even sat down.  

You swallowed. “No, I just—”  

“Relax,” Mai cut you off, sighing dramatically. “If you’re worried about running into him, don’t be. If he shows up, great. If he doesn’t, even better—you’ll be too drunk to care.”  

You narrowed your eyes at her, but she just smirked and tugged you along.  

When you stepped into the dimly lit bar, it felt like something should have changed. Like maybe there should be some visible marker of the days that had passed, something to reflect the shift in your world. But everything looked the same. The same warm glow of the hanging lights, the same faint smell of whiskey and cheap beer, the same bartender who had probably already memorized your usual drink order.  

It was both comforting and disorienting.  

Mai led you to a booth in the corner, a little further away from the bar than you usually sat when Sukuna was here. She slid into the seat across from you, grabbing a menu just for show. “So, what’s it gonna be? Drowning your sorrows or just mild regret?”  

You huffed out a laugh, shaking your head. “I think I’ll ease into it.”  

Mai smirked. “Boring, but fine. First round’s on me.”  

She waved over the bartender, ordering for both of you before leaning back against the seat. You could still feel the weight of the space around you—how familiar it was, how many memories were woven into this place.  

And yet, the one thing you were most used to seeing here was missing.  

You didn’t let your gaze linger on the door. Didn’t check for a familiar figure, didn’t scan the bar for a mop of pink hair and sharp eyes watching you from across the room.  

At least, you tried not to.  

Mai noticed. Of course she did. She sipped her drink, watching you over the rim of the glass. “So. How long are you gonna pretend you’re not hoping he walks in?”  

You froze mid-sip, then slowly set your drink down. “I’m not.”  

Mai arched a brow. “Liar.”  

You sighed, rubbing your temple. “I don’t know what I want. I just… being here without him feels weird.”  

Mai hummed, swirling her glass. “Well, you could always change that. But hey, what do I know? I’m just the work friend forcing you to drink on a weekday.”  

You groaned. “You’re so annoying.”  

She grinned. “And yet, here you are.”  

You rolled your eyes but took another sip of your drink. Maybe she was right. Maybe you did need this. To take a step back, to breathe, to let yourself exist in this space without the weight of him pressing down on you.  

You were halfway through your second drink when the air in the bar shifted. It was subtle at first—a prickle at the back of your neck, a tension you could feel before you even saw him. Then Mai’s gaze flickered over your shoulder, her smirk sharpening, and you knew. 

You didn’t have to turn around. 

But you did. 

Sukuna stood just inside the entrance, breath uneven like he’d been moving fast. His usual cocky swagger was missing—his shirt was slightly rumpled, his hair a mess like he’d raked his hands through it a dozen times on the way here. His sharp crimson eyes landed on you instantly, dark with something intense, something unreadable. 

Your heart stuttered. 

You knew why he was here. You’d texted him. 

It had been impulsive—after your conversation with Mai, your fingers had moved before your brain could stop them. Just a single message, short and uncertain: 

"I don’t know if I’m ready to talk, but if you want to find me, I’m here." 

And now, here he was. 

Mai leaned back in her seat, sipping her drink as she watched the scene unfold. “Welp,” she muttered, clearly amused, “that didn’t take long.” 

You swallowed, gripping your glass tightly as Sukuna strode toward you. You expected anger, anticipated frustration, maybe even something bitter. But when he stopped in front of the booth and looked down at you, all you saw was exhaustion. 

“You have any idea how fucking hard you were to find?” he said, voice rough, like he hadn’t spoken in hours. 

Your breath hitched. “You—” 

“I went to your office first,” he continued, jaw tight, “because I didn’t know if that text meant you actually wanted to see me, or if it was just some half-assed attempt at closure.” His fingers curled at his sides. “And when you weren’t there, I thought maybe you'd changed your mind.” 

A lump formed in your throat. 

Sukuna inhaled sharply, his shoulders rising, before exhaling through his nose. “So, I came here. Because of course you’d be here.” His lips twisted into something that wasn’t quite a smirk, wasn’t quite a frown. “This bar is the only place I haven’t fucking ruined for you yet, right?” 

The words stung, because they were a little too close to the truth. 

Mai whistled lowly. “Well. That’s my cue.” She stood up, patting your shoulder. “I’ll be at the bar if you need me. But, uh, I won’t be hovering, because I really don’t want to be in the splash zone for whatever this is.” 

You barely registered her leaving. Your world had narrowed to just you and Sukuna. 

He was still standing, his fingers tapping restlessly against the table like he wasn’t sure whether to sit or keep pacing. You took a deep breath, gesturing to the seat across from you. 

“Sit,” you said, voice quieter than you intended. 

Sukuna hesitated for only a moment before sliding into the booth. He leaned forward, arms braced on the table, eyes locked onto yours like he was searching for something. 

For a long, tense moment, neither of you spoke. The words because of course you’d be here hung heavy in the air between you. 

Finally, he exhaled, running a hand down his face. “Tell me what’s going on in that head of yours, princess,” he muttered, voice lower now, almost tired. “Because I’ve been going out of my fucking mind trying to figure out if you still want me in your life or if I’m just waiting around like a goddamn idiot.” 

Your chest tightened. 

Because despite everything, despite all the frustration, all the history, all the hurt—you did want him in your life. 

You just didn’t know how yet. 

You swallowed hard. “I don’t have all the answers yet, Sukuna.” 

His jaw tensed. “Then just tell me the truth.” His voice dropped, softer, raw. “Do you still want me here?” 

You gripped the edge of your glass, steadying yourself. Then, with a shaky breath, you met his gaze. 

“Yes.” 

Sukuna went still. 

Something unreadable flickered in his expression, his hands curling into fists against the table. Then, after a long pause, he exhaled—like he’d been holding his breath this whole time. 

“Good,” he murmured, his smirk returning, but this time, it was laced with relief. “Because I wasn’t planning on leaving anyway.” 

Sukuna had never looked nervous before. Not once, in all the time you’d known him. He was always sharp, cocky, unreadable—like nothing could ever shake him. But now, sitting across from you in the dim glow of the bar, he looked wrecked. 

His fingers tapped restlessly against his glass, his jaw clenched tight as he stared at you like you might disappear if he blinked too long. And maybe, in some way, he thought you would. 

You had been quiet since he'd sat down. Since he'd told you he had been looking for you. Since he'd made it clear that the second he saw your message, nothing else mattered. 

But none of that changed the reason you had left him behind in the first place. 

You inhaled deeply, bracing yourself. “I know what happened,” you said, your voice quieter than you meant for it to be. “With her.” 

Sukuna stilled. His fingers stopped tapping, his smirk—what little there had been of it—faded entirely. 

For a moment, he didn’t speak. Didn’t even move. 

Then, finally, he exhaled sharply through his nose, tilting his head like he had already resigned himself to this conversation. “Yeah,” he muttered. “I heard that you did.” 

You felt something tighten in your chest. “That one night, you slept with her.” 

Sukuna’s eyes flickered to yours. He didn’t nod, but he didn’t need to. The answer was there, clear as day. 

“It was nothing,” he said, voice low, rough. “Just a one-time thing.” His fingers curled into a fist on the table. “I didn’t mean to hurt her. Didn’t even realize I had at first.” 

What did that mean? Your fingers curled around your glass, knuckles turning white. “But you did hurt her.” 

Sukuna exhaled heavily, running a hand down his face. “Yeah,” he admitted. “I did.” 

The confession sat heavy between you, like a weight pressing against your ribs. You had tried to prepare yourself for this. You had told yourself you needed the truth, no matter how ugly it was. But hearing it—actually hearing him say it—made something crack inside you. 

“She was in love with you,” you murmured. 

Sukuna scoffed. “She was in love with an idea of me.” 

“Does that make it better?” you shot back, your voice sharper than before. 

His gaze snapped back to you, and for the first time that night, you saw something flash across his face—something that almost looked like shame. 

“No,” he muttered. “It doesn’t.” 

You stared at him, heart pounding. Your emotions were a mess—anger, sadness, confusion, everything tangled into a storm that you couldn’t sort through fast enough. 

Sukuna must have seen it, because he leaned forward, his voice steadier now. “I never did it again,” he said. “Not before. Not after. Just that once.” His fingers drummed against the table. “And I regretted it the second she told me how I’d made her feel.” 

Your stomach twisted, bile rising in your throat. 

“That’s the part no one tells,” he continued, his voice rougher now. “That I did feel like shit. That I knew, the second it dawned on me, that I had fucked up. That she looked at me like I was a monster, and I couldn’t even fucking argue.” 

Your hands trembled. "Did you ever apologize?" you asked, voice barely above a whisper. 

Sukuna’s expression flickered—something complicated, something raw. His jaw clenched, fingers drumming once against the table before he answered. You were scared to hear the answer. 

"I did." 

Your breath caught. 

"I went to her," he continued, voice rough, like the memory itself was something he had to force out. "A while after it happened. She didn’t want to see me. I don’t blame her for that." He exhaled sharply, shaking his head. "But I needed her to hear it. Even if she didn’t give a shit, even if she hated my guts—I needed her to know I was sorry." 

You swallowed hard. "What did you say?" 

Sukuna stared at his hands for a moment before meeting your eyes. "That I was a fucking idiot. That I hurt her, and I had no excuse for it. That it wasn’t just a mistake—it was a choice, and I made the wrong one." He inhaled, slow and measured. "That she didn’t deserve it. And that if she never wanted to see me again, I’d live with that." 

Your throat tightened. 

"She yelled at me for about an hour" he murmured. "I took every bit of it. In the end, we both agreed that’d we’d made mistakes. And with her being in love with my idiot half-brother, we wouldn’t be able to avoid each other forever – so we settled on just being friends." His fingers curled into a fist against the table. "And that was that." 

You let his words settle, feeling the weight of them press into your chest. It didn’t change what he had done. It didn’t erase it. 

But it meant something. 

You pressed your fingers against your temple, exhaling shakily. "I don’t know how to process this," you admitted. "I don’t know how to sit here and just pretend this isn’t… awful." 

Sukuna nodded once. "I don’t expect you to." 

Silence stretched between you, heavy with everything left unsaid. Your hands trembled slightly as you wrapped them around your glass, grounding yourself in the sensation of condensation against your skin. 

"I should leave," you murmured. Sukuna went still. 

But you didn’t move. Because despite everything screaming at you to run, you weren’t sure if you wanted to. Sukuna didn’t say anything at first. He just watched you, his crimson eyes scanning your face like he was trying to figure out what you were thinking. Maybe even trying to prepare himself for the moment you finally got up and walked away.  

But you didn’t move.  

And maybe that was why, after a long, tense silence, he exhaled and did something you hadn’t expected.  

“There’s something else,” he muttered, voice lower now, almost like he wasn’t sure if he should even be saying it. “Something no one else knows.”  

Your brows furrowed, waiting.  

Sukuna leaned forward slightly, his fingers tracing patterns against the table, his gaze shifting to the side. “After it happened—after I saw the way she looked at me, after I realized what I’d fucking done—I didn’t just sit with it.” He hesitated for only a second before continuing. “I started therapy.”  

You blinked. “You what?”  

His lip curled, like the word itself tasted bitter in his mouth. “You heard me.”  The tone in his voice betrayed his feelings on the matter.

Of all the things you expected him to say, that wasn’t on the list. Sukuna—the man who carried himself like he was untouchable, who acted like the entire world bent around him—had gone to therapy?  

“For how long?” you asked cautiously, unsure of how to process this new piece of information.  

Sukuna let out a low breath. “Still going.”  

Your fingers tightened around your glass. “And no one else knows?”  

“Just Uraume.” His jaw worked slightly. “Not because I’m ashamed of it. I just…” He hesitated, rubbing the back of his neck. “Didn’t want it to feel like some kind of performance. Like I was only doing it to prove to people that I changed or some shit.”  

You studied him carefully, trying to pick apart his expression, to see him. This was the most vulnerable you had ever seen Sukuna — the most... human.  

It would have been easier if he had just been a monster. If he had denied everything, if he had refused to take responsibility, if he had been the irredeemable person you had been trying to tell yourself he was for the last few days.  

But instead, he had been quietly carrying this weight. 

“Why are you telling me this now?” you finally asked.  

Sukuna met your gaze, his own unreadable. “Because if I didn’t, you’d always wonder if I really changed. If I’m still that guy.” His fingers drummed against the table once before going still. “And I needed you to know that I never want to be that person again.”  

Something in your chest squeezed. Sukuna had changed. Maybe not entirely, maybe not perfectly, but he wasn’t that same man anymore.  

And now, sitting across from him in the dim glow of the bar where everything started, you weren’t sure what scared you more—accepting that, or figuring out what came next.  

You swallowed, voice softer now. “I don’t know where this leaves us.”  

Sukuna gave a small, humorless smirk. “Me neither.”  

For a long moment, neither of you spoke. The tension was still there, thick in the air between you, but it wasn’t the same as before. It wasn’t anger. It wasn’t fear.  

Finally, Sukuna sighed, leaning back in his seat. “So,” he muttered, glancing at your nearly empty drink, “you gonna let me buy you another round or what?”  

A slow breath escaped you.  

And for the first time in days, you didn’t feel like running. 

⊹. ݁˖ . ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁₊

taglist : @mangiswig @sorahatake @osohchoso @clp-84 @sterzin @csolya @emochosoluvr @aldebrana @ravester @marie-is-in-the-dark @makingtimemine

[storiesbyjes2g]

3.212 Tropical storm Chi Chi

Despite the joy I felt from Maira's news, I still felt...off. My emotions were all over the place, and I kinda wanted to be alone to sort myself out. I'd usually go for a jog or something, but I didn't want to leave the comfort and safety of my home. So, as much as I could, I stayed away from my girls. Luckily, Desiree was more interested in her Winterfest gifts, and Sophia had chores to do. I thought I'd grab some food and eat in the living room because it's quiet in there, but no sooner than I sat down, someone knocked at the front door. I groaned at the loss of my me time and for my nerves; it was Chi Chi. She came in, yammering on about her grandson, Titus, and how cute he is, and how big he's getting, and how much she loves him, and how her daughter is pregnant again, and how she hopes she and the boyfriend plan to get married. I had eaten several bites of my pineapple fried rice before she really noticed me.

"You're looking mighty relaxed and happy, mister! Sophia gave you some extra Winterfest loving?"

"Ha. Something like that. You look rather refreshed yourself. We just got back from Mt. Komorebi."

"Oh, that's old news. I let this fancy business guy try to impress me with a weekend Sulani trip a few weeks ago. I knew it wasn't going to work, but I appreciate the tan, ha ha!"

Sophia came downstairs, and Chi Chi hopped on her like flies on dog poop. I don't recommend anyone getting caught in Chi Chi's tsunami of words, but I was glad to get her attention off me. I tried to ignore them and go back to my space, but I couldn't help but eavesdrop. After all, they were just a few feet from me, and Chi Chi was way too eager to discuss this alleged glow I have about me. Hearing my wife and my friend gush about good I put it down was not the way I saw my evening going, but at least they weren't talking about the fire. I know if it came up, she'd slip into supportive friend mode quick and smooth like a ninja. Caring and making you feel seen is one of her best traits, but that's just not what I want right now.

They talked and giggled some more, and I finished my dinner. At some point, though, I heard little feet overhead stepping toward the stairs. I should have known an unfamiliar voice would draw Desi away from her play time. Sure enough, she traipsed downstairs, and Chi Chi could not contain herself.

"OH my word!! Look at how big you are! You are just the cutest thing!! She looks so much like both of you!! And those eyes! Hello, gorgeous! Oh, she's gonna be so much trouble when she's a teenager!"

Desi stared at her, half smiling and kinda dazed. I snickered because I knew that exact feeling.

"Mommy," she whispered, "who's this?"

Sophia and Chi Chi laughed.

"You don't have to be afraid of little ol' me! I'm Chi Chi! I met you when you were just a cute little thing!"

"Chi Chi is a friend of ours," Sophia said.

I'm sure we all breathed a sigh of relief when her phone buzzed.

"Oh, I've got to run. Karmi Karms isn't feeling too well; you know how the first trimester is. Why she doesn't ask the boyfriend for help is beyond me. I know a girl needs her mother, but what's the point of having a man in the house if he's useless?! Anyway, happy New Year's Eve, everybody! I'll see you soon!"

And with that, she disappeared as quickly as she arrived. She is something else. With peace restored in our home, heh, and Desi looking to be social, I seized the opportunity I wanted from this morning.

"Hey, Des, you wanna do yoga with me?"

"YEAH!!"

We changed into our workout gear and went outside. It's too bad Sophia isn't into wellness. We could do yoga as a family.

Desi chose a mat, and I took the one in front of her.

"You're good at mimicking the moves, but now you need to understand why you're doing them and how to get the most out of them."

She was so excited; she couldn't stay still.

I got into position for a pose, and she followed.

"This is called the downward dog pose."

Of course, the name made her giggle. I got up to make sure she did it right and to provide more instruction.

"This is one of the most basic poses. Plant your feet flat on the mat and try not to get on your toes. You should feel that stretch going all the way up your leg. Do you feel it?"

"I feel it!"

"Good. You should always plant your feet flat on the mat and dig your toes into it. That'll keep you balanced and give you a strong footing. But also when you do yoga, you want to create resistance to stretch all your muscles, so that's another reason."

I took her through all the basic poses, and then we did them together. It gave me the calm I needed, and barring anything bad happening tomorrow, I'd say the year ended on a good note.

Chi Chi's grandson!

[writhe]

okay shit is absolutely insane rn but i feel good about having a relatively enriched life rn. over the weekend i hung out at a beautiful old place / rad space in the woods with friends. spent time with franklin & cooked him some food for the week. trying to do support the best i can, has involved a lot of emotional presence and i’m tired but i think i’m doing okay. did a big clean of the house on sunday. caught up with a friend for a long time last night, talked about some good stuff & i was excited to reconnect. def a friendship i wanna put more time into. going to a dumpling party my neighbors are throwing tonight. working on some commissions & prints rn. going outta town thursday bc a friend (with 10 years of experience!) is gonna start teaching me to tattoo (!!!!). going outta town again this weekend for a d&d friend’s party, might go out on a limb and play music for the other attendees, who will be strangers to me. doing my walks every day and when i have the time i’ve been going to the gym & really pushing myself, which has already been paying off in ways i can feel - strength and mobility, especially. trying to coordinate with some other friends i wanna see, too. also i know it’s the dead of winter but i’m looking forward to spring rn- plans to freight hop with a friend are in the works & also i want to ride my bike sooooo badly

[experimentalfma]

Alfons gave him a good-natured shrug and a small smile. "It's alright. I have some free time the next few days, and it's been a while since we researched something together." And he did genuinely enjoy working and researching with Ed. Granted, he'd had a better understanding of what they had been looking for during previous projects, but there was something about the importance this particular subject held for Ed that drew his precarious curiosity.

Though judging from the amount of material Ed had set down, he was going to need more than a little curiosity to get through it all. It was going to require a long-term dedication that he'd have to put real time and effort into. Probably not as in-depth as his work with the rocket, but considering there would be that much to learn and he was starting from scratch, there was a distinct possibility that it could become a close second.

But if Ed was ready to begin, then so was he. He'd plunge in head-on and put his uncertainty on hold. If he was going to do this right, he would have to at least try to do that. So he gave a decisive nod, a simple first step in the crash course for something only a few hours ago he would have dismissed as nothing more than an ancient pseudoscience. "Alright," he agreed. "We'll start from the beginning and keep going as long as it takes to get through everything." He wasn't quite ready to believe in it, but he would have to treat it as if he did if he wanted to try to fully comprehend what he was studying.

And considering he couldn't make out a single word or interpret any diagram in the notebook he was flipping though, it was undoubtedly going to require that kind of attention. Alfons stared back at Ed when he confirmed that what he was looking at really was the language only Ed knew. "Amestrian..." he mused softly to himself as he glanced back down at the page. Even knowing what it was didn't make it any clearer, though if it really was what his roommate said it was, of course there was no way that he'd have been exposed to anything like it.

He raised his eyes back toward his roommate again when Ed reiterated what this was and what it really meant. Studying his face, Alfons couldn't see a trace of insincerity or deception. Ed really meant every word he said. And if he'd never shown this notes to anyone else, that meant that he was trusting Alfons with a part of himself that he kept closely guarded and that he was taking a real risk revealing any of this at all.

Alfons took a deep breath and let it out slowly as he closed the notebook and set it back down on the top of the box, straightening up to meet his roommate's eye. He could clearly see that need for belief reflected in golden eyes, how important it was to him for Alfons to truly know this was real, and though it still seemed impossible, that shadow of uncertainty in the face of the mysterious language hadn't faded, and coupled with the sincerity he saw in Ed's face, he couldn't deny that tiny seed of doubt in his own conviction planted in the back of his mind.

"I'll try," he finally agreed softly. A slight smile tugged at the corner of his lips, somewhere between an intention of reassuring Ed and a slight confusion that he was actually willingly going through with trying to accept something that could completely break his own established view of reality. "I won't be able to fully dedicate myself to understanding what you're trying to teach me if I don't at least try to keep an open mind," he relented. "It is strange, but if that's what I need to do if we're going to properly research this together, I'll do the best I can."

With one last glance down at the box, he stepped over to the table and pulled out the chair next to Ed's to sit down beside him. Blue eyes flicked between the arrays his roommate had laid out and Ed's face as Alfons tried to reassure himself that this was actually going to work. Well, they'd already gotten his far, so the only reasonable choice was to continue moving forward. So he pointed to the array drawn on the sheet of paper closest to where he sat and asked, "So what does this one mean?"

"Yeah, I think so. Of course we won't get through it all tonight, but in order for you to understand what happened to me I think we'll need to look it all over." It would give Alfons a better sense of where he was coming from, which seemed more important right now than anything else. Ed wanted Alfons to take his words seriously, to understand where he was at with this. It wouldn't be enough for Alfons to agree to help him. At some point if his words weren't believed, it would likely fall apart. Ed didn't want that. Not only because he genuinely needed the help, but also because he wanted Alfons to believe him and not think he was crazy or losing his grip on reality.

The smell of coffee filled his senses as he gathered some notes with arrays written on them and laid them out on the table. Ed smiled. "Thanks for making some coffee. It smells delicious." It would be just what they needed as they poured over his notes. "I really appreciate you helping me out with all of this. I know it's a lot." He knew Alfons was busy with other things so it really meant a lot to him that his friend was willing to take some time out of his busy schedule to help.

Ed nodded then laughed a little. "Yep, there's a whole box. I've been busy every night before bed, writing things down. I guess those late nights added up." He sat down as he put the arrays side by side. "Ready to get a crash course in alchemy?" Ed was curious to how Alfons would pick up alchemy. He knew the language barrier with his other notes would be an issue, but the arrays were just pictures. Still, it would take some time to properly explain everything given that Alfons had never been exposed to it before.

He watched Alfons pick up one of his journals and open it up. Ed didn't say anything about how Alfons wouldn't be able to read what was inside. Instead he let it play out to see how Alfons would react to Amestrian. This might be the point where maybe Alfons would start to believe him. Ed knew his friend had seen several other types of language given the close proximity the countries were in this world. It would be damned near impossible not to see or at least be familiar with the language of a neighboring country. But this would be different. This would be new to him.

Ed took a sip of coffee, waiting for Alfons to finish flipping through the journal. When Alfons looked at him with shock on his face, Ed gave him a weak smile. "Weird seeing it instead of just me talking about it. It's Amestrian. My native language. I wrote my notes in it because it's more comfortable for me to do so, and also because I didn't want anyone to be able to read it in case my notes were found. You're the only person I've showed this to."

He wasn't sure what else to say about it. There was no hiding anything now. "I know this is probably strange for you, but this is what I've been telling you about. I wasn't lying, and I'm not going crazy. I'm really not from this world. I need you to believe me or at least consider it a possibility."

[beanghostprincess]

Luffy not knowing about Zoro promising Sanji to kill him if he ever ends up losing himself makes me go feral because that's something they can only know about. Because Zoro's respect for life and death goes beyond anything, and Sanji knows he understands. Sanji knows that if somebody has to kill him, it's him.

And I don't even think it's because Sanji assumes Zoro's opinion of him is hatred and it would hurt less for him to do this, but because Sanji knows only Zoro would be able to treat the promise as it is. Because he would put Sanji's wishes before any feelings he has for him. It's not that Zoro doesn't care, but I think he respects people's ideals and decisions to the extent of being able to kill Sanji if he so desires.

That being said, he'd do it if there's no other way to fix it. If it's either dying or living as an emotionless machine, which is the same as dying for Sanji, Zoro would fulfill his promise. And there is just... Something about Luffy not knowing. Their captain. The man they're devoted to the most as if he were their God. Luffy doesn't know. It's something only the captain's wings are aware of and the thought of these two keeping this from Luffy until the end is just insane. Not even trying to make it romantic here, but the bond and respect these two have for each other is crazy.

Maybe it's the poetry of it all, too. Somebody like Zoro, who has looked at Death in her face multiple times and said "no", ending Sanji's life, who wants to give in to death to not experience a fate worse than death for him.

[greasydumbfuck]

favorite frank is. frank with kids. this guy was meant to be a dad

[kanerallels]

(rant incoming)