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evacrstairs · 3 months ago
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you say hello, inside i'm screaming i love you...
boys of tommen (katie wilmot and katiefeely) headers. like or reblog if you save or use, please!! 🎸
art by btzart_ commissioned by katiewlmot
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trashytracktales · 29 days ago
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I need lando ANGST. Make me cry! But also smut! Goshhhh I need it. Something like they’ve been distancing each other and things have been so tense and one day lando catches reader getting herself off so he says ‘if you wanted me to fuck you all you had to do was ask.’ And then he ruins here. But lots of angst in the beginning. Ty I love you xx
Endings, beginnings | LN⁴
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💌 REQUESTED by anon ──── Well. I was sobbing while writing this. Hope you're proud of yourself 💔
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𐙚 summary ──── They’re at a breaking point in their relationship, their stubbornness and jealousy pushing them so close to the edge. After agreeing to distance each other during an exhausting triple header, Lando returns home unexpectedly to find her in his apartment, trying to cope with his absence.
𐙚 pairing ──── Lando Norris x she/her reader
𐙚 rating ──── explicit
𐙚 category ──── F/M
𐙚 warnings ──── +18, mature/sexual content, angst, smut, toxic dynamics, emotional distress, descriptive language, masturbation, oral & fingering ─ (f)receiving, unprotected sex, swearing, potential relationship breakdown.
𐙚 word count ──── 5.1k
𐙚 date ──── Dec. 12, 2024
𐙚 a/n ──── This is my 10th work ayeee! Thank you guys so much for investing your time into reading my silly little stories, and for trusting me enough to bring your requests to life. I appreciate you a lot 🤍🎀
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IT'S LATE. THE kind of hour that turns Monaco into a still painting, muted and hollow, yet as breathtaking as ever.
Lando isn’t supposed to be home yet. The plan was to stay in Brazil for a couple more days after the race, but plans change when you're a professional overthinker. Somewhere between the chaos of three back-to-back races, he couldn’t stand the thought of another night in a hotel.
He needed to be in his own space so he could think.
The elevator ride to his floor seems like going on forever, his suitcase dragging heavily behind him, its wheels scratching aggressively against the polished floors the second he gets out of it. He’s expecting silence; an empty apartment, untouched, heavy with the ghosts of their last argument. But when he opens the door, the faint smell of her perfume hits him hard across the face, and his heart tightens.
His living room is dimly lit, the soft glow of a scented candle casting long shadows on the walls. A throw blanket is draped over the couch, and a half-empty mug of tea sits forgotten on the coffee table.
And then he sees her.
She’s curled up on the couch, wearing one of his oversized hoodies. Its sleeves cover her hands as she hugs her knees to her chest, her face partially hidden in the dim light of the room. Her hair is a little messy, and there’s a redness to her eyes that tells him she hasn’t been sleeping well — he knows he shouldn't, but he's glad he isn't the only one losing sleep over this. On a deeper level, it means they both care enough to let it consume them.
So, it has to count for something, right?
For a moment, he just stands there, staring. Then, the words spill out before he can stop them, or think of something else to ask, “Why are you here?”
Her head snaps toward him, her wide eyes betraying a mix of surprise and guilt. She looks like a deer caught in the headlights, frozen in place.
She straightens slightly, pulling the hoodie tighter around herself. “Lan…” she blinks in amazement, her voice barely audible.
“I just asked you a question,” he says, sharper than he initially intended.
He's not usually like this. But considering how they left things before he had to go, Lando is entitled to ask questions. It was her suggestion to separate, and finding her here only messes with his head more.
“I… know. I'm sorry,” she looks away, her fingers tugging at the hem of the hoodie. “I didn’t think you’d be back so soon.”
“I wasn’t planning to,” his suitcase thuds against the floor while he fixes his eyes on her. “Why are you in my apartment? We said we’d take some time apart.”
Her shoulders hunch defensively, but her voice remains the same as he knows it — soothing, carrying so much tenderness that it could stop wars. “I didn’t know where else to go.”
Lando exhales harshly, nodding while dragging a hand through his curls. “We agreed on space, remember?” he insists, “You can’t just show up here like nothing happened.”
“I didn’t—show up,” she snaps, her tone suddenly sharper. “I’ve been here for a while. I didn’t know you were coming back so soon,” she repeats.
“Okay, then. Let me get this straight. You're here, but you don’t answer my texts anymore,” he fires back. “Does that make any sense to you? ‘Cause it sure as hell doesn't for me.”
“I was going to,” she retorts, standing now, the oversized hoodie swallowing her frame.
Lando takes a step forward, his hands on his hips. “I don't understand you. I thought this was what you wanted,” he says, his voice quieter but no less intense. “Space. Time. A chance to figure out if we even work anymore.”
“Yes,” the girl agrees, “I wanted to figure us out, not pretend we don’t exist.”
Lando's voice rises, his frustration spilling over, “You think I’m pretending? I’m doing what I thought you wanted! Because every time we’re together, we just end up—”
“Fighting,” she finishes bitterly. “Yeah, I know. Do you think I enjoy feeling like this all the time?”
His shoulders slump slightly, the fight draining out of him. “I don’t know,” he admits, his voice softer now. “I don’t know what to think or do anymore.”
They stand there in silence, the weight of their shared frustration pressing down on them. She sits back down on the couch, clasping her hands on the edge of it.
When she finally speaks again, her voice cracks. “I don't want to fight, Lando. I’ve been staying here because I couldn’t be in my own place. Everywhere I looked, I saw you. I thought maybe if I stayed here, it would make sense to feel your presence, because it's your place.”
Lando’s jaw tightens as he lets her words sink in. The sight of her, wearing his clothes with tears in her eyes makes his chest ache. He wants to wrap himself around her and make sure nothing will ever hurt her again, but the ego works a double shift tonight.
Still, “I'm not mad that you're here,” he clarifies. “But why didn’t you tell me?” asks Lando quietly.
“I didn’t think it would make a difference,” she whispers. “I planned to leave before you… Well, it doesn't matter now.”
“See, that right there is the fucking problem. Of course it matters! Why wouldn't—”
“Because!” her firm voice interrupts him. “We keep hurting each other, and I honestly don’t think we'll ever stop. You’re stubborn and selfish, and I’m jealous, and we both jump to the worst conclusions about each other all the fucking time.”
Lando sighs, “Right,” he says after a pause, his voice laced with guilt. “I am stubborn and selfish,” he agrees, “I get angry too fast. Is that it? And you—you think I’m always looking for a reason to leave.”
Her breath catches as she looks down at a random point on the floor. “Aren’t you?”
The words hit him like a punch to the gut. He steps much closer, his voice firm. “No. I’m not. But you make it so damn hard to stay sometimes.”
He regrets his words the second they leave his mouth. He's aware that she's not the only one to blame for the situation that they're in, but at the moment, he's making it seem that way. He can't look at her hurt expression, so Lando closes his eyes for a second, a long silence settling in the distance dug so deeply between them.
She continues to look at him, anger flaring in her eyes. “Yeah, well, you make it hard to trust you, Lando. Every time you’re away, I feel like I’m waiting for the other bomb to drop.”
He finally opens his eyes, rubbing a hand over his face. “Alright, what do you want from me, hm?” he asks. “I don't know what you expect me to do.”
Her voice breaks as she replies, “I don't have any expectations left. I just want to stop feeling like I’m losing you all the time.”
Lando’s face softens, the exhaustion from weeks of racing and months of fighting etched into every line. He steps closer, slowly, until he’s standing in front of her. He crouches down so they’re eye level, his expression conflicted.
Even as hurt as she is now, he is still amazed by her beauty. Gazing down at him, she spreads her legs gently so she could make more room for him in her space. However, she's doesn't dare to touch him, no matter how badly she needs to feel him, just to remind herself that he's real.
“I'm so fucking tired, baby,” says Lando, his voice breaking slightly. “Aren’t you tired?”
She nods, a tear slipping down her cheek. “Every day, especially when you're not here,” she chokes out. “But I still want to try. God, Lando, I can’t imagine not trying.”
His hands reach for hers almost instinctively, but he acts with the same hesitation, pulling back at the last second. She notices, the flicker of hurt on her face evident in the way she squeezes her eyes shut, only to erase that image from her memory.
They sit in silence for a while, the air thick with unresolved issues and the weight of everything they can’t say. He studies her, trying to think ahead, but it’s impossible when she's like this — indecisive and lost.
Finally, Lando stands up, exhaling sharply. “I need a shower,” he mutters, heading toward the bathroom without another word.
She watches him go, her heart sinking. She’s still here, but somehow, it feels like she’s further away from him than ever. All she wants to do is jump into his arms and tell him she's missed him so much these past few weeks. Tell him how much she loves him, and that she would do anything to see him happy and satisfied with their life together. But she's too far away, and if she doesn't jump high enough, she could find herself free-falling, with no one to catch her on the other side. And that's too much of a risk, even for her.
When Lando comes back, his hair damp and his expression unreadable, she’s standing by the window, looking out at the city lights.
She doesn’t turn when he approaches, but she speaks softly, her voice small. “Do you even want me here?”
Lando freezes, her question cutting deeper than he expects. After a long pause, he answers, his voice low. “Of course,” he says. “But I honestly don’t think it's a good idea.”
She finally turns to look at him, her eyes searching his face. “Yeah…” the girl nods slowly. “I just—Lando. I can’t keep doing this if I’m the only one who believes we can make it.”
Lando nods. “Thing is, I don't know what to believe anymore,” he says honestly, his voice steady.
A simple truth that neither of them wants to acknowledge. But even as the words hang in the air, neither of them moves to leave. Because for all the pain, there’s still something tethering them together — something they’re both terrified to lose.
“I’ll take the couch,” he finally says, tugging the throw blanket off the armrest. His voice is flat, drained of the emotion that had filled it earlier.
“What?” she asks, startled.
“You can have the bed,” he clarifies, avoiding her gaze as he starts arranging the blanket. “It’s late. We’re both tired, and this… we can’t fix this tonight. We should rest and talk it out in the morning.”
She opens her mouth to protest, the words forming instinctively, but then she stops herself. He looks so tired, not just physically but emotionally. His shoulders are tense, his jaw set in that stubborn way she knows so well. He’s trying to create the space she's been asking for — not because he doesn’t care, but because he does.
“Okay,” she ends up saying, her voice small. Defeated. Once again.
At that, Lando turns to meet her eyes, his expression serious, almost distant. It’s a side of him she doesn’t see often, the version of Lando that’s careful and guarded. She hates it, hates the way it makes her feel like a stranger to him. But mostly, she hates that she’s the one who’s brought this out in him.
“Goodnight,” he says softly, his voice tinged with a finality that makes her stomach churn.
Alright then.
“'Night,” she replies, walking past him, their arms touching lightly.
She retreats to his bedroom, closing the door quietly behind her. The familiar scent of him — clean, musky, intoxicating but soothing, grounding her with its quiet presence and making her feel more at home than ever — wraps around her as she crawls into the bed they’ve shared so many times before. But it feels different now, colder, emptier. Foreign, somehow.
For a stupid, silly moment, she lets herself believe that things will be okay in the morning. That they’ll talk, really talk, and find a way back to each other. She clings to that thought as she stares up at the ceiling, her fingers clutching the edge of the blanket. But no matter how hard she tries, she can't shake the feeling that this is it.
Neither of them sleeps for hours after that.
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IT'S FOUR IN the morning when Lando lies on the couch, his eyes fixed on the darkened ceiling as his thoughts race. He can hear the faint creak of the bed when she shifts, knowing she's not asleep, either, and it tugs at something deep inside him. He’s never been good at leaving things unfinished, and this is no different.
He pushes himself up from the couch for what feels like the hundredth time, his fingers curling and uncurling in frustration.
Maybe this whole thing was a mistake.
Maybe he shouldn’t have come home.
Maybe this is exactly why they need space, because when they're in each other's proximity, he simply can't think straight. Especially when she's just a few feet away, separated by only a simple door.
A door that masks the sounds of her soft cry.
Then, he hears the same faint sound, broken, but unmistakable. It cuts through his doubts like a knife through butter, sending a sharp pang of guilt and something deeper, a lot darker, straight to his chest. He hesitates for only a moment before moving toward the bedroom, his steps careful, almost hesitant. His hand hovers over the door, his heart pounding against his ribs as he takes a deep breath in.
Lando knocks softly, his voice barely louder than the quiet hum of the apartment. “Is everything okay?”
Nothing.
He knocks again, his jaw tightening.
The silence presses against him, thick and suffocating, until he can’t take it anymore. He twists the knob and pushes the door open, his pulse roaring in his ears as his eyes adjust to the dim light.
She’s sprawled on his bed, the sheets tangled around her hips, one hand clenched in the fabric while the other moves between her thighs. Her head is tilted back, her lips parted in soft, shaky gasps, and her eyes are squeezed shut like she’s trying to block out the rest of the world.
His throat goes dry, his emotions colliding in a chaotic storm of shock, desire, and something dangerously close to anger. Not anger at her — it never is — but at the situation, at the rift between them that’s left her seeking comfort this way. And at himself, for not being able to fix it.
He should walk away. He knows he should. But instead, he steps into the room, his movements slow and calculated as he crosses his arms over his chest, watching her intently.
Her eyes snap open, and for a moment, she looks utterly petrified. Her cheeks flush a deep crimson as she scrambles to sit up, her legs snapping shut as she fumbles for words.
“No, don’t let me interrupt you,” says Lando, his voice low and rough.
“You scared the shit out of me, Lando,” she stammers, her voice trembling. “I thought you were…”
Asleep.
“And I thought you were crying,” he says, wetting his lips. “Well, I was right in a way.”
The words hang heavy in the air, and she looks away, her hands twisting nervously in the sheets. He hates the way she shrinks under his gaze, but he can’t stop himself from taking another step forward. His jaw tightens again. He doesn’t know what to say or do, circling back to the same feeling.
He doesn’t know what he’s supposed to feel, either — hurt, anger, longing?
So much lust.
The silence stretches between them until it’s almost unbearable. And then, finally, she moves, swinging her legs off the bed like she’s about to leave.
But he doesn’t let her.
His hand shoots out, grabbing her ankle and tugging her back toward the edge of the bed. Her gasp echoes in the quiet room, her wide eyes locked on his as he steps between her legs, his grip firm but not forceful.
“What are you doing?” she whispers, her voice shaky, a mix of uncertainty and... hope that she already knows the answer.
“Fuck if I know,” he admits. His hands slide up her thighs, spreading them apart again, and he drops to his knees in front of her. “But I can’t just… I can’t leave you like this.”
“Baby,” she breathes, her tone caught between a plea and a warning.
“Let me take care of you,” he murmurs, his lips brushing against the sensitive skin of her inner thigh. “Please. I can't take this shit anymore.”
At the sound of his pleading, she reaches out, her fingers threading through his hair as her breath hitches. It’s all the permission he needs to press his lips to her warm entrance, soft and tentative at first, but when she arches into him, her body trembling beneath his touch, something inside him snaps.
Lando doesn’t hesitate once she gives in, her fingers tightening in his hair as her thighs tremble against his shoulders. His hands grip her legs, his touch firm but reverent, holding her open for him like he’s afraid she’ll change her mind.
The first swipe of his tongue over her slit is slow and deliberate, tasting her in a way that makes her breath hitch. He hums low in his throat, the vibration sending a shockwave through her that has her head falling back against the mattress.
“Lan…do,” her voice breaks on his name, a soft moan that sends a shiver down his spine.
“Always so sweet for me, love,” he exhales heavily, her scent intoxicating.
Lando's grip on her thighs tightens as he pulls her closer, his tongue moving with purpose now, circling her clit and flicking in a rhythm that makes her toes curl. The erotic sounds from between her legs make her close her eyes in pleasure, her pussy tightening around him with each intentional stroke of his tongue. He’s thorough, so meticulous, as though he’s trying to commit every whimper and every twitch of her body to memory.
“That's so good, Lan. Feels so good,” she lets out a string of moans, her eyes rolling as the air gets knocked out of her lungs. “Oh, god, I've missed your mouth so much.”
She traces her hand through his hair, holding him while her hips push forward, the bridge of his nose tickling her clit so sweetly. He wants to drown in her, to lose himself in the way she responds to him, every single time.
Each gasp feels like a lifeline, tethering him to something real, something he can hold on to when everything else feels so uncertain. Her fingers curl in his hair, tugging slightly as her hips begin to move against him, chasing the friction he so willingly gives. Lando's jaw clenches at the way she’s unraveling for him, and he redoubles his efforts, his tongue flicking faster, more insistently, as he pulls out to suck gently on her clit.
“Baby, please,” she's almost crying, her voice shaky, but still cutting through the air like a plea for salvation. “Need you… so close.”
Lando doesn’t stop. He can’t. Especially not when her legs start to tremble against him, her breathing becoming erratic as she teeters on the edge. Instead, he slides one hand from her thigh to her hip, pressing her down slightly to keep her steady while his other hand moves swiftly to where he has been tongue-fucking her. His long fingers slide gently through her wetness, curling inside as he finds the spot that makes her see stars.
She feels herself opening wider for him, then clenching harder while he adds just enough pressure to make her body tense, his tongue never ceasing its rhythm.
“Lando, I—” her words dissolve into a broken moan, and he knows she’s close.
His heart pounds in his chest as he keeps going, the sound of his fingers fucking in and out of her pussy blending so beautifully with the noise of his tongue lapping at her clit. He doesn’t care how long it takes; he’ll stay between her thighs forever if he has to. He won't move again until she falls apart beneath him. For him. Maybe then Lando will understand why he needs her so much, why the thought of losing her feels like losing a piece of himself.
When she comes, it’s like the world stops from spinning. Her body tenses, her thighs trembling as she cries out his name, over and over again, her release washing over her in waves. He should pull out and give her time to ride out her orgasm, but his tongue and fingers coaxing her through it, making her gasp for another breath, is sending shocks of ecstasy to his hardened cock. In his desperate attempt to relieve his pain, he rubs himself against the bed, but it is not nearly enough.
Finally, when her hands are falling limply from his hair, that's when Lando slows down his movements. He presses soft kisses against her inner thighs as he pulls back slightly, his hands gently stroking her soft legs.
“You alright?” asks Lando, his voice raw.
She looks down at him, her chest heaving as their eyes meet. There’s something vulnerable in his gaze, something that makes her throat tighten. His lips are swollen and glossy, his chin slick and glistening from her arousal. His breathing is as unsteady as hers, his chest rising and falling rapidly as if he’s just run a marathon. The sight of him like this — completely undone and yet so devastatingly composed — makes her stomach clench with need. More need.
“Mhm,” she manages, heat rising from her chest to her cheeks, while her hand involuntarily travels back between her own legs.
Lando slowly wipes the wetness from his chin with the back of his hand, his eyes never leaving hers. The motion is deliberate, almost taunting, as if he wants her to remember every second of her high. Then he rises to his feet, his big frame towering over her as he leans forward, bracing himself on either side of her hips. Her breath catches as he hovers above her, so beautiful and wrecked, his face so close that she can feel the warmth radiating from his skin.
She expects Lando to kiss her, her lips parting slightly in anticipation, but instead, he tilts his head and murmurs, his voice a low rasp that sends a shiver down her spine.
“If you wanted me to fuck you, all you had to do was ask, baby,” his unfiltered voice makes her heart race in her chest. “I don’t care that we’re fighting. It doesn’t matter how tired I am,” he continues, his eyes dark and piercing as they lock onto hers. “I’ll stop anything, drop everything, just to fuck my needy girl, yeah?”
The bluntness of his words, paired with the raw intensity in his voice, leaves her momentarily speechless, the pads of her fingers collecting whatever is left from her release. She whimpers softly, her lips parting again as she brings her fingers to his, pushing inside his mouth while watching his pupils dilating. Lando sucks on them with the same thirst as earlier, biting softly when she tires to pull out. At that, something inside her snaps. She surges up, her hands gripping the back of his neck as she pulls him into a fierce, desperate kiss.
His lips are warm and soft, slick with the taste of her still lingering there, and she can’t help the way she moans into his mouth. He groans in response, deep and guttural, as his tongue slides between her lips, claiming her in a way that makes her stomach flip.
It feels like fire and desperation, like he’s trying to pour all of his frustration into one single kiss. When his tongue moves against hers, she whimpers, the sensation achingly familiar yet entirely overwhelming. It feels like he’s everywhere, like he’s consuming her from the inside out, and she doesn’t want it to stop. Ever.
“Lan,” she moans into his mouth, “Please…”
Her pleading seem to break something in him. Lando pulls back just enough to meet her gaze, his lips curling into a slow, crooked grin, making her realize how bad she's missed seeing it. There’s something tender yet profoundly sad in his expression, though, a quiet heartbreak that makes her chest burn.
“Please, what? Hm, what do you need?” he murmurs, his hand tracing a soft, reverent path down her body.
His fingers graze her collarbone, her ribs, her hip, each touch filled with a tenderness that feels almost out of place amidst the heat between them. But she doesn’t care about the sadness or the hesitation. Not right now. She arches into his touch, her hands clutching at his shoulders as she's whispering nonsense, too drunk on him to make more sense than that.
Lando’s breath mingles with hers, his lips brushing hers in the faintest of kisses as he whispers, “You aching for me, baby?”
Her nod is small, almost imperceptible, but he feels it, and his hand slips down to her hip, grounding her. The weight of his touch is familiar, comforting even, and it sends a tremor through her body that she doesn’t try to hide.
“Hurts so bad,” she admits, her voice cracking as her eyes meet his.
“I know,” he nods slowly, his voice thick with emotion. “Can I me make it better?”
“Always.”
He presses his lips to hers fully now, a slow, lingering kiss that feels like a balm against the ache between them. It starts soft, tentative, as if they’re testing the waters, but quickly grows deeper. His tongue sweeps across her bottom lip, and she opens for him, sighing into his mouth as he kisses her with all the longing, irritation, and so much love that he’s been holding back.
His hands move with purpose, sliding under the hem of her shirt — his shirt — and pushing it up, exposing her bare skin. She gasps as his palms graze her sides, his touch igniting a fire that spreads through her veins.
Lando pulls back just enough to tug the shirt over her head, his eyes darkening as he takes her in. “My beautiful baby,” he says, almost like he’s reminding himself that she still belongs to him and vice versa.
Her cheeks flush, but she doesn’t look away. Instead, she reaches for him, her fingers tugging at the hem of his own shirt. He helps her, pulling it off in one fluid motion before pressing his chest against hers, their bare skin meeting in a way that feels like coming back home after a long, tiring trip.
They move together like this, slowly shedding the layers between them until there’s nothing left but their bodies and the weight of everything they've done wrong.
He lowers her onto the bed, his lips never leaving hers as he settles between her legs. The warmth of his body, the solidity of him, makes her feel anchored, even as the storm inside her threatens to consume her. And when he enters her, it’s heaven, deliberate, like he’s savoring every inch of her. She moans, her hands flying to his shoulders as he stretches her, filling her with his perfect length. He stills for a moment, his forehead pressed against hers as they both adjust to his size.
“Remember how easy it used to be?” he whispers.
She nods while his lips are brushing her temple. “Yeah. I remember.”
The first thrust is painfully slow, managing to pull a soft moan from her lips. But soon enough, Lando sets a rhythm, one that feels familiar, almost nostalgic, like they’re trying to recapture the simplicity of how things used to be. She matches him, her hips rising to meet his, their bodies moving together in perfect sync.
As the pace builds, so does the intensity and vulnerability between them. The kisses become messier, more desperate, and his thrusts deepen, driving into her with a force that feels like a mix of anger and love.
“I don’t want this to be the end,” he says suddenly, his voice cracking as her nails dig into his back, leaving crimson lines in their wake.
“No?” she asks, a little hesitant.
His movements falter for a split second before he recovers, his eyes locking onto hers. “God. No, baby,” he says, his voice thick with determination. “We can fix this. I swear we can.”
Tears well in her eyes, and she can see his own glistening in the obscure lighting. They’re both breaking, and yet neither of them wants to let go.
Lando thrusts harder now, the force of it making her cry out as her body arches beneath him. She meets him halfway, her legs wrapping around his waist as she pulls him deeper inside her, as close as humanly possible. The room fills with the sounds of their bodies slapping against each other, their breathing, and their muffled cries.
“I need you,” she whispers, her voice barely audible over the rush of their movements. “Like this, all the time. Only you.”
“You have me,” he replies, his voice breaking. “You’ll always have me, you know that.”
“Promise me,” she demands as she starts clenching around him, the heat building once again inside her.
Lando gasps at the feeling, fucking into her harder. “Shit, baby. I promise you. I promise.”
The weight of his words pushes her over the edge, her release hitting her harder the second time around. She cries out, tears streaming down her face as her body shakes beneath him. He follows moments later, his own climax tearing through him as he buries his face in her neck, his shoulders trembling with the force of it.
They stay like that, tangled together, their bodies molding into each other as they come down from the high. But the tears don’t stop. They cling to each other, crying softly as the reality of their situation crashes down on them.
“I love you so much,” he says, feeling her fingers tracing patterns on his back.
“I love you, too,” she admits without hesitation. “Do you think that's enough?”
Lando lifts his head, his eyes red-rimmed but full of a tentative hope. “No. But it's a start.”
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Thank you for reading!
None of my works are available for reposting on other platforms. Reblogs, likes, and comments are deeply appreciated ♥︎
© trashy track tales, 2024
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saiyanprincessswanie · 6 months ago
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SaiyanPrincessSwanie Reading List Week 207-208
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A/N: This is the end of year four reading list. Year five starts this weekend 😊
Thank you again to those who gave me recommendations for fanfics. �� This week had me reading 30 fics. Absolutely amazing stuff here.
As always these will be listed in no particular order. None of these stories are mine. I’m just signal-boosting them. The author is listed next to the title. My goal is to signal boost writers and spread positivity in the community.  💜💜
Click HERE to see what I will or won’t read. This is very important.
Click HERE for past reading lists.
For my Masterlist click HERE.
Please make sure you’re reading the warnings on every story. They range from dark to fluff. Do Not Read if you are under 18 years old. These stories are meant for adults only. You’re responsible for your own media consumption.
Page-break by @whimsicalrogers
Header by @fictional-affairs
If you can, please reblog these lists so they can reach more people on Tumblr.
I love you 3000 💜 Missy
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Making Memories - (Billy R. x Reader) - @saiyanprincessswanie
Evermore - Part 2 Chp 3 - (Ari x Reader, Andy x Reader) - @joannaliceevans-fanficblog
Finding Home (8) - (Bucky x Reader) - @jobean12-blog
Indecent Proposal - (5) - (Stucky x Reader) - @holylulusworld
Life Is Short So Make It Sweet - Chp 9 - (Curtis x Honey) - @sweater-daddiesdumbdork
To-Do List - (Bucky x Reader) - @navybrat817
Bucky Barnes drabble - @thezombieprostitute
it'll be okay - (Bucky x Reader) - @buckysburdens
Give Up - (Bucky x Reader) - @buckets-and-trees
all i want - (Andy x Reader) - @nickfowlerrr
Poison - (Steve x Reader, Reader x Brock) - @nekoannie-chan
Worship - (Andy x Reader) - @stargazingfangirl18
Another bad date - (Jake x Reader) - @holylulusworld
Memories - (Bucky x Reader) - @mostly-marvel-musings
Drabble Roulette: You get what you give - (Andy Barber) - @darkficsyouneveraskedfor
Your Mark On Me - Part 12 - (Steve x Reader) - @georgiapeach30513
Fragile: Questions - (Steve x Reader) - @syntheticavenger
just between us - (Bucky x Reader) - @mellowsaturns
Pregnancy - (Steve x Reader) - @nekoannie-chan
You're a Firework - (Bucky x Reader) - @navybrat817
Change of View - (Sam x Black Fem!Reader) - @awesomerextyphoon
Convention - (Steve) - @nekoannie-chan
TOL - Swaying - (Ari x Reader) - @holylulusworld
Wrecked (Part 7) - (Billy x Reader) - @tuiccim
Ensnared - (Cole x Reader) - @labella420
Trust Me, I Can Handle Me a Dangerous Man… - (Mr Freezy x Reader) - @the-iceni-bitch
I Hate It When You're Drunk - Chp 1 - (Bucky x Reader) - @deliciousangelfestival
DIY - (Bucky x Reader) - @mostly-marvel-musings
Space mission - (Steve, Nebula) - @nekoannie-chan
Some help - (Steve, Jarvis) - @nekoannie-chan
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quillofspirit · 1 year ago
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2023 fic recs
If there's one thing to know about me, is that I love to read! and I love to share the good fics, so I figured I would put them all on one list💚
pssst! it's my first time doing anything like this, so if you have recommendations for the format, please do leave them in the comments or drop me a message! thanks xx
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Key 🍬 fluff 🧯 spicy 🌡️ smut ⛈️ angst 🌪️ all
For people I have tagged, please let me know if there is anything you’d like me to add or remove — like a link to another account. It’ll be my pleasure☺️
Lord of the Rings (and related)
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⛈️🧯Fuck the Forbidden pt. 1 by @entishramblings
Boromir x mermaidfem!oc Teens and Up but read the warnings carefully 9,500 words
Now I want mermaids in everything. why aren’t there mermaids in everything? The descriptions are so well done, everything is so vividly easy to visualize, oh I just loved it.
I am so hyped for pt 2!!
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🍬⛈️ Healing Touch by @ass-deep-in-demons
Boromir x fem!oc Teens and Up 4,350 words
My film studies degree was very happy about the descriptions of movement in this one - it’s a little specific but hear me out. It’s much easier to see the actors playing the scene when it’s described this well! THAT ENDING, I have to say I joined Legolas, and I don’t have excuses.
I cannot wait to read the rest of the adventures of Joanna!
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🍬 I Might Need to Kiss You by @fizzyxcustard
Thorin Oakenshield x fem!reader 400 words
I was squealing, this is so sweet. like the perfect little pick me up when you need a reminder, and Thorin is nothing if not a good king to his subjects 😇
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🍬 Sweet Conversations by @glassgulls
Haldir x fem!reader Teens and Up 5,360 words
did I almost break my mouse when I clicked on this? noooo
Would I do it again? approximately 5 times since ☺️
Who doesn’t love sneaking around and kissing pretty elves, especially when they propose the idea so nicely… Just read it, you’re welcome
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⛈️🧯Transformed by @sotwk
Thranduil’s son OC x fem!reader Teens and Up 2,400 words
There are at least two werewolves! When I tell you I read it three nights in a row, just to truly catch all the little things that made me go absolutely feral this so lovely to read. Yes, there’s gore (only a little bit) and there’s angst, but there’s also dialogue that would be made into gifs were it a movie.
Pirates of the Caribbeans
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🌪️Catch the Wind by eriathiel (@esta-elavaris)
James Norrington x fem!oc Explicit 418,000 words
101 chapters of epic, pirates, and sweetness. The definition of you will suffer and you will like it. I finished this in like two days, because I couldn’t put it down, like a child on Halloween night going through their whole bag of candy.
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⛈️🍬 Fallen Through Time by eriathiel (@esta-elavaris)
Catch the Wind AU Mature Ongoing; 34,000 words
12 Chapters so far, but it’s probably going to make me want to read everything about Theodora again. I am very normal about this character. 😌
Other fandoms
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🌡️One of Those days by @capricornafterdark
Jason Todd x fem!reader Explicit 750 words
Sometimes you need to be taken care of, and sometimes its easier to take care of others.
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🍬Patience by @velvetcloxds
Charlie Swan x fem!reader Just straight cuteness 600 words
A cute yet serious conversation with Charlie
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🌡️That Takes Trust Darlin by @capricornafterdark
Jason Todd x transmasc!reader Explicit 1,950 words
It takes a lot of trust to tell a person about your desires, and even more when you spend your time catching villains.
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🌪️ What Happens After You? by StrengthBeforeWeakness
Ominis Gaunt x fem!oc Mature 219,000 words
A badass Ravenclaw, sweet sweet Garreth, and dark!Sebastian. I am tempted to say it’s almost a Hogwarts Legacy AU because the lore in this fic is so incredible, it feels new again.
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These are my headers and dividers, please do not use them.
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killerandhealerqueen · 3 months ago
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Tagged by @dangermousie (cuz why not, I'm bored)
1. why did you choose your url?
Cuz I got very obsessed with Killer and Healer (and I'm still very obsessed with it) and basically became like...a very recognizable figure in the fandom and a lot of my friends in the fandom called me the "queen" of Killer and Healer (because of the amount of fics and headcanons and other things that I posted about the drama) so... yeah
2. any sideblogs? if you have them name them and why you have them.
No sideblogs. Just this bad boy
3. how long have you been on tumblr?
Oh jesus...I've had about...3 accounts? My first account was a friend's tumblr that they didn't want anymore so I took that over then deleted that one. Then made a second one but that one I also deleted...and then made this one. My friend's tumblr I took I think was back in like...2011, 2012? I've been on tumblr for a long time, it's just that this blog was made in 2018 so it doesn't seem as long but trust me...I was here for a lot
4. do you have a queue tag?
Oh fuck no
5. why did you start your blog in the first place?
Fandoms, mainly
6. why did you choose your icon/pfp?
My icon changes depending on my mood but this one I chose because I wanted to change things up a bit
7. why did you choose your header?
Again, wanted to change it up a bit. I go between phases of different gifs that I use for my header. But the one I'm currently using, my darling @seonghwacore made it for me for when I reached 1k followers (and for my birthday, I believe)
8. what’s your post with the most notes?
Oh fuck I have no idea
9. how many mutuals do you have?
Fuck if I know
10. how many followers do you have?
1238
11. how many people do you follow?
435
12. have you ever made a shitpost?
Nope
13. how often do you use tumblr each day?
A lot
14. did you have a fight/argument with another blog once?
With another blog? No. With an anon? Yes
15. how do you feel about ‘you need to reblog this’ posts?
I hate them. I do not like to be guilt-tripped into reblogging something. It will make me a) not reblog it and b) hate you
16. do you like tag games?
Yeah, I do. I just gotta remember to fucking do them
17. do you like ask games
I love asks in general, so yes
18. which of your mutuals do you think is tumblr famous?
Oh, @dangermousie is famous to me, hands down. @storge too
19. do you have a crush on a mutual?
No
20. what is the last song you listened to?
Be Prepared - Voiceplay
21. what are you currently watching?
Elementary and The Mentalist. I forgot how good Elementary is and I've never seen the Mentalist but it was my mom's favorite show and I understand now. Also Women in Blue on Apple TV
22. sweet/ savoury/ spicy?
Savory
23. what is your current relationship status?
Single
24. what is your current obsession?
Killer and Healer. It's an ongoing obsession, tbh. F1 was an obsession for a little while but with how the sport is going rn, it's giving me the ick so...I've taken a step back. Still a little obsessed over Logan Sargeant tho. My american boy
25. what are nine albums/ songs you've been listening to lately?
Girl, I could not tell you
Tagging: @clawbehavior @sunriseverse @breitweisergallery @okifyouinsist @ahhhnorealnamesallowed
@theotherwhybietoldmeso @hyperbolicgrinch @kpopfantasywriter @mishathewtf @friendlynbhddevil
@evil-moonlight and anyone else who wants to play
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stra-tek · 1 year ago
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Excerpt from I Survived Kirk, a forthcoming trashy tell-all autobiography fanfic about a bitter redshirt on Kirk's U.S.S. Enterprise
Oh yeah, the ship.  It was supposedly the USS Enterprise that had essentially been my home for five years, “refitted”.  But from what I could tell, in the past two years she had been rebuilt entirely new.  Hell, not long after we docked I saw some of the refit concept plans with the header “USS ENTERPRISE NCC-1800” – and nothing says “yeah, it’s an entirely new ship” like a new Naval Construction Contract number.  But, for whatever reason in the end they decided to keep the old number.  Remember, I’m an engineer.  I knew the Enterprise backwards and inside out, and I didn’t see a single thing of the original ship in the new.  Not even the corridors are where they were.  I’m told some of the saucer superstructure remains from the original.  I even heard a rumour the stardrive section was built entirely anew, because the original had been [REDACTED BY STARFLEET COMMAND].  Sounds completely insane, but hey, insane is what we do for a living.
It’s sterile.  The bright colours were gone.  Oh yeah, and THEY CHANGED EVERY SINGLE CONTROL ON HER.  I had to LEARN EVERYTHING AGAIN FROM SCRATCH.  They gave us all copies of the Bridge Operations Manual to study, saying if we could operate the controls on the bridge, we could operate them anywhere.
Now, I’m not one to say the enterprise has the most user-friendly interface in the galaxy.  In fact, it was really quite impractical, with buttons being largely unlabelled and context-sensitive, and a nightmare to do anything outside of the expected context in a hurry.  If that makes any sense.  But rather than evolve the existing designs, they just swapped them out for something based on Vulcan interfaces.
Now, in fairness, Vulcans had been flying through space for thousands of years (versus our hundred and fifty-odd) so their interfaces are probably among the most tried and tested in the galaxy, but they’re not what I grew up with.  They’re not what I trained on and they’re not what I could use in my sleep.  Nobody was happy.  Scotty (now sporting grey hair and a pornstache) wouldn’t say a word against the change, but he chose his words carefully when discussing the new control interfaces.  Other than that, of course, Scotty was bubbling with pride about the new Enterprise.  He was one of the lead engineers on the refit project.  Now her top speed was supposedly an insane warp factor 12 (up from 8 on the original, not that we ever adhered to that much), she had new and far more powerful weapons (when they worked, we quickly exposed a critical flaw in the phasers during the V’ger incident).
A lot of people say she’s the most beautiful starship ever created.  I’ve never been one to say a starship is beautiful.  It’s a thing, a vehicle, a machine, a means of conveyance.  I was like that with cars as a kid and I’m like that as a grumpy old man.  Anywho, all that said, yes this Enterprise is aesthetically pleasing, although I hate the the look of the new warp nacelles (the red spinners – or space energy matter sinks to those of us who lived on her) on the front were what got me interested in starships as a kid, to lose them sucked donkey balls), and the pylons looks as though they could be severed with one well-placed torpedo at their base.
Inside, as said already, she was sterile.  Brushed metal everything.  Particularly disconcerting, they’d added a shield to the transporter, protecting the transporter operator from… what?  We were always told it was safe.  The crew used it HUNDREDS of times without a shielded operator booth.  Hell, I beamed dozens of people and tons of cargo up and down from various places.  What was I unknowingly exposing myself to?  Was it whatever sent Decker Sr, Tracey, Garth and the rest batshit insane?  No straight answer from Starfleet.  No straight answer even from Scotty, the man I trusted even though a part of me still suspected he killed that stripper and her husband.
The technical manual calls it a transparent aluminium radiation shield but treats it as if it’s always been there.  So I dug back through records.  Dozens and dozens of records, loads of ship designs and variants over 150 years.  I eventually found the USS Franklin NX-326 had one on it’s cargo transporter, specified to “shield the operator from any cumulative radiations emitted by the transporter machinery during use”.  What the fuck are “any cumulative radiations”??  It’s as if they don’t know themselves.  And they probably didn’t, it was the age of terrifying stories of transporter ghosts like Cyrus Ramsey and Quinn Erickson, and 404 file not found errors.  They were fucking with shit they barely comprehended.  Hell, we wouldn’t have artificial gravity if it weren’t for a Slaver stasis box found on the moon.  Let that sink in for a moment.  We didn’t even design that shit, which we’ve just adapted and used for centuries.  Did we come up with the transporter?  We were technologically behind every other power in space when we first ventured out, but we were among the very first to beam people and things around?  Hmmm.
Rumour has it Admiral Jonathan Archer was sterile due to overuse of transporters in the 2150’s.  It’s a fact that his former weapons officer Malcolm Reed was unable to father children although no cause was officially given.
Maybe all the surviving insane starship captains should file a class-action suit against Starfleet.
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hils79 · 6 months ago
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Thanks for tagging me (ages ago I'm sorry I suck) @puppy-phum
-
1. why did you choose your url?
I am so boring I almost want to apologise for it. My url is just my nickname and the year I was born (yes, I am old).
2. any sideblogs? if you have them name them and why you have them.
I don't really use my sideblogs much. I've got one that I haven't used for years that I used to post some of my photography on @hal-photography. I've got one for an old UK convention that folded during the pandemic but that I used to do the marketing for @writerconuk and I've got a whump blog that I use to reblog my favourite whumpy gifs so that they're easy to find. Not sharing that one because I do not wish to be Perceived.
3. how long have you been on tumblr?
My original blog was set up in 2010. I had to nuke it after some unpleasantness in the Supernatural fandom (isn't it always SPN) and I've had this current once since 2011 I think
4. do you have a queue tag?
Nah, I don't queue things as a general rule. I do a bunch of reblogging first thing in the morning while I'm scrolling in bed and that's more or less it
5. why did you start your blog in the first place?
I was looking for a new home after Livejournal finally properly died and most fandom folk were here at that time
6. why did you choose your icon/pfp?
It's a piece of DMBJ art that my housemate comissioned as a Christmas present a couple of years ago. I love it, and it was made specifically for me, so I made it my header and my icon
7. why did you choose your header?
Same as above
8. what’s your post with the most notes?
This RDJ/Paul Bettany exchange I ripped from Twitter. I have no idea why it ended up with 20k notes
9. how many mutuals do you have?
I honestly have no idea. Lots.
10. how many followers do you have?
Argh now I'm going to have to go and look. 2421. Wow.
11. how many people do you follow?
Wow this thing is really exposing me. 1908. I generally follow back so long as I can see that the person is an active fandom blog where we have at least one fandom in common.
12. have you ever made a shitpost?
I mostly shitpost in the tags
13. how often do you use tumblr each day?
Generally for an hour in the morning before I get up and then however long it takes me to liveblog my next drama episode in the evening
14. did you have a fight/argument with another blog once?
No, I don't think so. Not that I can remember anyway. I generally try and avoid conflict and if someone is annoying me I just block them and/or vent about it in a safe space with friends I trust.
15. how do you feel about ‘you need to reblog this’ posts
Makes me less inclined to reblog them tbh. Don't tell me what to do in my own house.
16. do you like tag games?
I am so bad at remembering to do them when I get tagged (see above about only really being on tumblr for an hour a day) but I do appreciate it every time someone thinks of me
17. do you like ask games?
Yeah, same as above. I love them but I am crap at remembering to answer the asks. I'm very sorry.
18. which of your mutuals do you think is tumblr famous?
I'm not sure I could name anyone who is tumblr famous beyond the actual celebrities who hang out here (like Lynda Carter)
19. do you have a crush on a mutual?
I have mutuals I admire and wish I was brave enough to talk to more but I wouldn't really call them crushes. As an aroace I don't really do crushes.
20. tags?
I'm going to tag a few of my newer mutuals so I can get to know them a bit better. Absolutely no pressure though @prolestari @queenbeyondthejudge @fangirl-bookaholic @huzzzah @life-is-all-about-perspective @loving-that-officey-feel @greenyball @hwasfeatherduster
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cryoculus · 2 years ago
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— guard dog 12 ⟢
pairing: thoma x assassin!reader
summary: after several tribulations, the cure is finally in your hands. all that's left now is to return to your newfound family and make things right.
word count: 6.3k words
notable characters: thoma
tags: found family, enemies to lovers, slow burn, angst, eventual smut
warnings: referenced character death, implied drug use, makeout sessions
header art cr: nokkusuart on twt
masterlist
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Thoma woke up with a start.
Despite the searing cold, trails of sweat proceeded to bead down his face, and he realized it was because of two reasons. One: the fireplace in Doctor Naoko’s home still housed a fervent flame—illuminating the otherwise desolate space inside. And two…
Green eyes flickered to the sleeping figure in his arms. 
He watched the rise and fall of your chest in near-silence. Though he’s a little hesitant to admit, the sight of you alone was enough to quell the momentary unrest that settled over his heart. 
A bereft sigh left his lips as he slumped against the wall, piecing together the dream he had just now. Thoma didn’t particularly remember the last time he had a nightmare, but it was no surprise that he’d be tormented by one now—with some nasty curse currently taking up residence in his body. 
Those kinds of dreams were the furthest thing from pleasant, and he found himself wondering how you managed to deal with them regularly. Though you put up a snarky front for the most part, he’s heard you enough times back in the estate’s kitchen when you thought no one was there—barely breathing as you anchored yourself to your own sanity. 
He closed his eyes, remembering how Orobashi’s hollow eyes seemingly pierced into his soul earlier today. You were amazing, he thought. If he had to live with something that practically oozed malignant energy into the land, Thoma didn’t know how he himself would be faring mentally. But here you were, nestled in his arms—trusting him enough to lay yourself vulnerable in your slumber.
Your face was devoid of the discomfort that nightmares would otherwise incite. You looked more at peace than he’s ever seen you, and he liked to think it’s because of him that those bad dreams had been abated. But the chief retainer wasn’t really as self-centered as he liked to be. 
He knew it wasn’t because of his company that you’ve slowly unfurled your tightly wrung disposition towards other people. Anyone who knew you could tell that you treated others with open hostility by default, and now that you’ve spent a chunk of your time around the same people you claimed to despise, he realized it.
You let your guard down. You let them in.
Of course, you weren’t the first person his family had tried to save, nor were you the last. But of all the troublesome people that the Kamisato siblings wished to give a second chance at life, you’re by far the most stubborn.  
Thoma had never seen anyone cling so deeply to their past that they thought they no longer deserved a future. He’s only hazarded a few of his own guesses that night he interrogated you in Ritou Harbor, and you’re yet to completely come clean about what happened for you to lead the life you’d chosen. But he knew a person who wanted to break free of those chains when he saw them—even if you yourself weren’t aware of it yet.
A smile snaked its way onto his lips when you stirred slightly, muttering something under your breath before burrowing deeper into his embrace. His chest stirred. 
Slowly, surely, with utmost patience. That’s how Ayaka preferred doing things, and Thoma had only recently picked up the habit as well. After all…
If he’s going to let himself love you, he’s going to need all the patience he could get.
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“Got anything on your end?”
“Nope. What about you?”
“There’s nothing in the other houses either. Are you sure this is the only place he could’ve left it?”
“Yeah. The doctor never left Higi Village since he first got here…”
“In other words, we’re screwed.”
“Yup. We’re screwed.”
Thoma plopped himself on top of the chair adjacent from yours with a sigh, green eyes riveted on the dusty fireplace. You felt a bit bad for letting him inspect the other houses for clues about the journal’s whereabouts. Though it was raining relatively lightly compared to yesterday, you could still see some spots in his kimono that had probably been dampened by the drizzle. 
You let out a deep, slightly exaggerated breath—staring at the floor with a prickle of helplessness. It wasn’t a matter of when you’re going to get back to the estate with the cure. It was more of an if.  
Yesterday, you and Thoma had unanimously (and selfishly) decided to sleep the day away until the next morning. Needless to say, those few hours you spent curled rather uncomfortably against his solid body and the floor provided you with even more serenity than a good night’s sleep in the manor. You hadn’t slept next to anyone since your mother died, so you chalked up the sense of security to the fact that it’s been a while since you let anyone get close like that. 
But no matter how well-rested you’ve become after cuddling in this abandoned house; no matter how badly you wanted to stay suspended in that moment forever, the facts of the matter caught up to you in no time. 
Several lives were on the line for this trip. You had to come back with results.
Did you want to keep it from me so badly that you’re still hiding it even in death? you wondered, hoping Doctor Naoko could hear you from the afterlife. Damn old man…
“How do you live with it?”
Thoma’s voice was barely a touch above a whisper, and if it had been raining any harder, you would’ve missed the words. But even if you hadn’t heard him, the furrow of his brow as he stared into the hearth was hard to ignore. 
“You mean the nightmares?” you asked softly. “What did you dream about?”
He sighed, taking the hair band on his wrist before tying long hair at the nape. “The day I found myself stranded in Inazuma. But… I’m long past that. I’ve already found a home for myself here, after all.”
You watched the way his hand absentmindedly rose to the pendant around his neck. It was slightly obscured by the lapels of his kimono, but he’d always worn that strangely shaped necklace. Even if he’d changed out of his usual uniform, it remained on his person still. The foreign design made you wonder if he brought it with him from Mondstadt.
But there was a time and place for everything. You elected not to pry.
“Well…in Yashiori Island, you pretty much have no choice but to get used to it,” you sighed, and it wasn’t really untrue. “If you don’t like it, you can just leave. But the people who used to live here knew what leaving this place and bringing the curse somewhere else entailed. That’s why most of us just accepted the cards we’d been dealt. We even have a saying about it, too—”
“If you’re born in Higi Village, you die in Higi Village.”
You stared at him with lips parted, but Thoma beat you to the words with a soft laugh.
“Sorry, I came across the saying when I did a background check on you,” he admitted. “But there isn’t anyone else in this place aside from the ronin we drove out yesterday. Don’t tell me they’re…”  
The weight of his words settled over your shoulders with a familiar yet unwelcome sense of resignation. You didn’t just get used to living miserably on this island. The Tatarigami curse made you well-acquainted with loss, and it came as no surprise for you to know that the people you left six years ago had long passed.
You could’ve saved them. You could’ve given them the cure.
 But you didn’t. 
It’s your fault. It’s your fault. Everything is your fault. 
“I’ll…look around some more,” you announced, rising from your own seat. “Gonna check something out the front.”
Thoma flashed you a worried look but eventually conceded. “Alright.”
Doctor Naoko’s home, despite being no different from the other shoddy huts around Higi Village, had a small canopy on the front porch. This is where you usually watched the endless stretch of gray above—wondering if you could ever see a sky that wasn’t perpetually gloomy. 
You glanced around. Nothing but old barrels and rotting crates littered the lawn—along with a milieu of red leaves scattered all around the patio. In the rain, they almost made it look like the ground itself was bleeding. A shuddering breath left your lips as you attempted to walk down the wooden steps, not really having a destination in mind. 
But before you could even take another step, you realized the hem of your borrowed kimono had been dragging across the floor. The fabric got caught on one of the jutting pieces of broken wood and when you walked forward, it inevitably pulled you back—making you trip on your feet and landing face first on the wet ground. 
Well, that would’ve been your fate if your reflexes hadn’t been as fast as they were. You twisted your body to the side before you could collide with the barren soil, letting out a pained groan when one of your legs accidentally hit a clay pot. It shattered immediately and you wondered if the gods were out to smite you today.
The rain prickled your face like small needles as you took a deep breath. Water was beginning to seep into the fabric of Thoma’s kimono and you knew you should get up before you’re forced to make another compromise with your clothing. But…for some reason, you decided to tilt your head towards the space beneath the platform on which Doctor Naoko’s house stood. 
There, you saw a clump of conspicuously disturbed soil. Like someone had buried something underneath and hadn’t bothered to pat down the evidence.
“Is everything oka— Whoa.”
At the same time Thoma found you lying on the ground, you scrambled upright to inspect the pile of dirt closer. But it was too far to reach.
“Do you have a shovel on you?” you asked him.
He made a face. “That’s the second time you asked me that, and it surprises me that you still expect that the answer is yes.”
“Just— Look? Something’s buried beneath the house. Help me reach it.”
In spite of the bizarre look he’d shot your way, Thoma was quick to get to work. Not sparing another thought, he brought down his boot across the weakened platform—shattering the wood with enough force. You helped toss away the excess splinters before you finally saw what’s gotten you so curious.
Just like how you’d uncovered your belongings in Chinju Forest, you began digging up the pile with your bare fingers—uncaring for the way the dirt sneaked into your fingernails. Your heart was beating erratically, and a voice in the back of your head was saying you were on the right track. 
To your surprise, Thoma sank to his knees beside you and began shoveling dirt and grass away as well. Even if you stared at him with a hint of shock, he continued mirroring your previous ministrations. You were about to tell him he didn’t have to, but then you heard his fingers hit something solid.
You silently went back to work.
The fruit of your labor came in the form of a considerably-sized wooden box wrapped in an old white cloth. When you uncovered it, you noticed it was probably as long as your forearm, but no wider than six inches. The lid was unmarked—giving you absolutely no indication that this belonged to Doctor Naoko.
“Only one way to find out,” Thoma chipped in beside you, placing a dirt-caked hand right on top of your own. 
Your chest ached, whether from anticipation or dread, you weren’t sure. But you took him upon his words before unlatching the lock and...
Inside was the very same journal you’d been long searching for.
You sank onto the portion of the platform that Thoma hadn’t smashed in, placing the box on your lap. Your fingers hovered over it, as if you’re unsure what to make of the object you’d just found. Slowly, you took the notebook out of the box, leafing through the pages with utmost care. 
The paper had gone brittle over the years—its edges yellowing from age. But this was, without a doubt, Doctor Naoko’s journal. You recognized his rushed, shorthand script, and the smatterings of medical terminologies that he’d once briefed you with years ago. It contained not much else aside from prescriptions for common ailments—headaches, colds, fatigue. He did do a rushed sketch of a young girl standing over a boiling pot of hot water, and you had a suspicion the scribble was fashioned out of your likeness. Even if discovering a ratty drawing of yourself would’ve annoyed you six years ago, you felt nothing but a sense of longing at the sight of it.
You sure put me through a lot of trouble, stupid geezer… 
“Wait, what’s that?” 
Caught up in your own reminiscing, you realized a bit late that Thoma sat down directly beside you—the heat of his body steadily mingling with yours under the canopy. You gulped, momentarily forgetting that he was pointing at something else inside the box.
It was a light blue pouch, the silken fabric tied at the edge with a delicate ribbon. Embroidered on the front was a peculiar shell that you could’ve sworn you’d seen before—
Your eyes widened when the realization hit you. 
Thoma watched with rapt attention as you sifted through the journal’s pages—eyes darting across every page until you found what you were looking for. Two pages’ worth of intricately done sketches. You hadn’t been to Watatsumi Island yourself, but Doctor Naoko seemed to have been there before if he managed to capture the landscape this well. He hadn’t colored it in, but you recognized the shell patterned on the pouch from the box. 
Well, judging from his notes on the second page, the shell wasn’t actually a shell, but a special type of coral. A coral endemic to Watatsumi Island that often produced things called Sango pearls—pale pink in appearance, almost iridescent in certain angles.
“If melted under a certain temperature, liquefied Sango pearls can exhibit exponential medicinal properties,” you murmured, tracing a finger over the doctor’s handwriting. “Potent enough to cure even the most malignant of illnesses…” 
You set down the journal for a moment, taking the pouch in-hand. It weighed more than you’d expected, but when you unraveled the pristine ribbon that held it together, you found out the reason behind it.
Unlike the unflattering drawing he did of you, Doctor Naoko’s descriptions tied in accurately with the pouchful of Sango pearls inside. You wedged two fingers inside, taking out one of the pearls as you held it up in front of you. It was hard to tell, given that there was barely any sunlight in Yashiori. But the opalescent gleam of the object in your hands told you enough.
You’ve finally found your cure.
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“Are you sure we did that right?”
Thoma’s concerned voice snapped you out of your momentary stupor as the both of you stood in front of the cooking pot. “Yeah. Doctor Naoko wrote the instructions down to the specific details.”
The chief retainer nodded as he toweled his damp but now clean hands. “Hmm… So we just have to wait for these to melt right? And then what?”
“You drink it,” you replied simply. “It doesn’t really taste like anything aside from saltwater.” 
“...Sounds dreadful. I use saltwater to get rid of my sore throat.”
“That’s better than being cursed to me.” 
He laughed, pulling you away from the hearth with a smile. “Come on. I’ll watch over our experiment. You can go sit over there for the meantime.”
“But—”
“No buts!”
This line of conversation was awfully familiar, but you didn’t have the heart nor the energy to argue.
As Thoma intermittently stirred the pot where you boiled the Sango pearls, you sat yourself on one of the rickety chairs—taking the doctor’s journal from the dusty dinner table. 
You couldn’t believe it. After years of accepting your sword was the only connection you had left to him, then came his elusive journal. Though you still couldn’t fathom why on earth he tried so hard to hide its contents from you (when they’re nothing but medical gibberish to a normal person), you were glad it was in your hands now. 
It gave you something else to remember him by. There were times that looking at your sword made you a bit queasy because of the manner in which it was given to you. But there was none of that with his journal. Instead of the day Doctor Naoko perished before you, this notebook reminded you of his odd quirks, his innate curiosity for anything and everything, and especially his determination to help the people in Higi Village. 
You read every page he’d marked, refreshing your memory of all those little lessons he taught you in passing. He was brilliant enough to put difficult concepts into words easy for even you to understand. But with each moment you spent going through the entries of a man that’s been dead for six years, the desolation slowly creeped back towards you.  
You’d always found it odd how you’ve grown more attached to Doctor Naoko—someone you only knew for two months at most—than your own biological parents. You shouldn’t be so torn up about his death as much as you were, but…
When you turned to the next page, you’d reached the end of the journal.
You blinked at the wall of text staring at you from your lap—a far cry from the broken, bulleted scribbles that the doctor often preferred to write in. There were no footnotes, no random sketches, no lists of recommended drug dosages. It was an open letter, seemingly jotted down in haste judging from the near-illegible handwriting. 
An open letter addressed to you.
If you’re reading this I’m probably dead.
Haha! That’s probably not the introduction you’re expecting. Sorry about that, but…I don’t have much time. 
The day I travelled to Higi Village, I challenged myself with finding a cure for the Tatarigami. It’s a silly dream, I know. Diseases can be cured, but curses are a bit more complex than that—especially one that’s been running rampant for centuries. But one day, I was just a fool with a dream, and the next, I became a real doctor; someone who wanted to help the people of the village not out of some egotistic need to prove himself, but to save those who cannot save themselves. 
It was easier when you came along—so curious and willing to learn. I’m sure that I wasn’t as eager as you were when I was still a doctor’s aide, but it made me all the more complacent to depart from this world, knowing there’s someone who can carry on my mission to save the villagers with my medicine. 
But…I realized it’s selfish of me to force my dreams onto you like that. You’re a smart kid. Someone that’ll achieve heights that I can only dream of. You don’t deserve to be shackled by my expectations, nor should you chain yourself on this island all for the sake of filling in a role I’ll inevitably leave.
A life lost to disease is no one’s fault, but if I force your hand and ask you to kill me, it’s only natural for you to take the blame. By the time you read this letter, the reassurance is probably months, if not years too late. But I want you to know that all I wish for you is to find your place in the world, even if it comes at the cost of my own life. Archons know you don’t belong in this desolate place, but maybe that’s just my little personal bias speaking.
I pray that you’ll find a place where you feel safe, where the nightmares can’t reach you. I pray that you find people who love you the way you deserve to be loved. And I pray that you find the family that I once hoped for us to become. 
The world is a wonderful place, little one. I can’t wait for the day when you finally see it for yourself.
“Miss Kira, look!” 
Before the waterworks could even begin, Thoma called out from the fireplace and you realized his Vision was pinned to his side again—hands aglow as he held them around the pot.
“W-What are you doing?” you asked him, voice cracking a little. Gods, you didn’t even have the time to let the doctor’s stupid letter sink in… 
You stood up from your seat, leaving the journal on top of the dinner table as you stared into the cooking pot. Inside, the clear water had morphed into a familiar, light pink broth. But you’re a bit more distracted by the fact that Thoma was probably imbuing his own Pyro energy to speed up the process.
“Don’t look at me like that.” He pouted. “I just thought things would be quicker if I did a little intervention myself.” 
But you weren’t even mad. For some reason, things seemed to be falling into place right that second. With the cure under production and the last words Doctor Naoko had left, you couldn’t even let yourself think about anything that might go wrong. 
In fact, the tears that trickled across your cheeks were of elation rather than grief.
“Miss Kira, are you okay?”
You sniffled, wiping away the tears with a laugh as you paced around restlessly. “Yeah, I’m just— God. I’m so happy I could… I could kiss you!”
The room seemed to still when you’d uttered the words, and you immediately regretted it the moment they came out of your mouth. Thoma seemed just as surprised as you were—the orange glow of his fingers dulling into nothingness. 
“Come again?”
You gulped, face flushing red with embarrassment. “N-No, it’s nothing. Poor choice of words, sorry.”
But Thoma wasn’t buying it. 
The chief retainer left the pot unattended for a while, striding over to you where you stood as he practically forced you to meet his stern gaze. But despite how stringent he looked, you could still see a hint of softness in those beautiful green irises.
“You know if you say things like that, I’m going to get the wrong idea, right?” he whispered. 
“That’s why I apologized. Didn’t I?” you muttered in return, but when one of his hands—still warm from his earlier actions—rested on your hip, you didn’t protest. 
Thoma leaned down until his forehead rested against yours. You could feel each bated breath he took on your face, and you wondered if it was possible to get eaten alive by someone’s stare alone.
“I need you to tell me to back off,” he breathed. “Tell me explicitly to never approach you like this again, and I won’t. I swear it on the Kamisato name.”
Seeing him like this was sending you into another bout of whiplash. Though it wasn’t the first you’ve seen of a more…daring side of him, thinking of Thoma as a man with his own desires and needs was near unfathomable. Especially if those desires and needs were directed your way.
But… 
I pray that you find people who love you the way you deserve to be loved.
Was the look in his eyes something you could really call love? It’s hard to tell. You didn’t really have any prior experience in that department. But when you thought about how devastated he looked when you announced you’d be leaving the estate; how he looked like he wanted to reach out and ask you to stay… You couldn’t help but convince yourself of the fact.
“What if…I don’t want you to back off?”
You wanted to hit yourself for how timid you suddenly sounded. Gosh, way to fuel the atmosphere, you damn virgin. But somehow, that’s what did it for him. The final push that made Thoma’s self-control finally snap in two.
As a mercenary, you didn’t really spend a lot of time thinking about what your first kiss would feel like. You’d always been under the impression that no one would want anything to do with a person who did shady things for a living. But if someone told you that there was a blond foreigner in the Kamisato estate who made you see stars from the way he kissed you alone, you might have asked them to elaborate a little.
You didn’t know how you ended up with your back pressed against the dinner table as Thoma hungrily devoured your lips. You didn’t know if the pointy edge digging against the small of your back was Doctor Naoko’s journal. All you knew was the hot slide of his tongue curling with yours as the chief retainer’s warm hands wandered everywhere. 
“Down, boy,” you groaned once he pulled away—fingers clutching the lapels of his kimono tightly. “Take it easy on the first-timers, will you?”
Thoma leaned closer again, and you could feel him smirk against the cut of your jaw. 
“No, I don’t think I will.”
You yelped when you felt Thoma’s fingers dig into your sides, forcing you against his hips. The outline of something very hot and very hard pressed against the apex of your thighs, and you could hardly believe it. You didn’t remember having this much of a sex drive when you were afflicted with the curse.
But then again, Thoma hadn’t existed to you at the time. You had the strangest feeling that he’s the only one who could ignite the same flame smoldering in the pit of your stomach right now.
You hardly had the capacity to think properly as he continued mapping the cavern of your mouth with his tongue. Your hands made good work of the tie that bound his golden hair, and when you finally got rid of that, you took the liberty to rake your fingers through the silken tufts. He groaned into the kiss when you lightly tugged at his scalp.  
Though, as Thoma’s fingers slowly teased the lapels of your borrowed kimono, you had a split-second epiphany. 
Weren’t you going a bit too fast? 
Last night, you walked out when he tried to make a move, and now you’re splayed all over the table like a feast? Archons, if Doctor Naoko was watching over you from the other side, he was probably sighing in disbelief. 
“I told you to find someone who loves you the way you deserved, but not like this,” he’d probably grumble. 
Okay maybe thinking of your dead guardian in the middle of a makeout session wasn’t very sexy of you, but—
Your eyes widened when you felt something warm trickle onto your face. You thought it might have been the rain finally soaking through the ceiling, but when you opened your eyes and pulled away for a breather, you saw it.
Thoma was having a nosebleed.
“Shit,” you murmured, pushing at his chest slightly as you wiped off the blood with the sleeve of your kimono. “Are you okay?”
He blinked once, twice, before dabbing at the blood he got on your face. “Now that you mention it... I’m feeling a bit lightheaded. I had a nightmare last night, too.”
“And you’re only telling me all this now?!” You scowled. “Archons, you’ve got some nerve trying to make a move on me when you’re sick.”
You expected him to say something offhanded like he usually did, but Thoma only offered up a gentle laugh. In spite of your protests, Thoma leaned closer to nuzzle the crook of your neck affectionately.
“I have you to take care of me, don’t I?”
Gods help you. How were you supposed to be infuriated with him now?
Just like that, the sultry atmosphere had dissipated. You forced Thoma to sit down as you scooped some of the Sango broth into a bowl—making sure to blow it every now and again so it wasn’t too hot to consume. The whole time, you felt Thoma’s green eyes fixated on your form, and as much as you wanted to snap at him for making you feel nervous, you couldn’t muster the willpower to do so.
He sampled your first trial without complaints, informing you that the saltwater taste you’d mentioned still held true. The knowledge made you feel a wave of relief. That meant you were on the right track.
After half an hour, when Thoma felt considerably better, you both decided to pack up. 
Your clothes had dried nicely from the heat of the fireplace that Thoma had tended to diligently all this time. When you changed back to your own garbs, you handed back his kimono with a sheen of red tinting your cheeks.
“I have to confess something to you,” he said, stuffing all the utility items he’d brought into his larger than life overnight bag. 
You snorted. “What, your undying love for me?” 
“Mmm, well that and seeing you in my clothes kind of did something to my brain,” he laughed. “I’m not always as…forward as I was these past few days. I apologize.”
You weren’t sure which to focus on first: the fact that he blatantly admitted his feelings for you so easily or his profession about the sharing-clothes thing. Nonetheless, the heat on your face refused to leave, even after the two of you had fully cleaned up the entire place.
Outside, the rain still persisted and you’ve resigned yourself to sitting in the waverider back home dripping wet. Not that it mattered, though. 
Thoma offered to carry the wooden box containing Doctor Naoko’s journal, the formula for the cure you brewed earlier, and the pouch of leftover Sango pearls. But you insisted for it to stay by your side out of some inexplicable sense of responsibility. The doctor left all these for you to find, and it’s your duty to look after the items from here on out.
“Ah, by the way,” you chimed. “I’m going to make a quick detour before we head back. But…I kind of want to do it alone.”  
Surprisingly, the chief retainer nodded along. “Well, you have your sword so you can probably fend off any thugs that try to cross you.”
“Damn straight.”
“I have another side-mission issued by Lady Kujou as well,” Thoma said. “Let’s just meet by the docks once we’ve got our business sorted out. That sound like a plan?”
Upon hearing the tengu general’s name, your eyes narrowed with suspicion. But since Thoma didn’t try to pry into your business, you’re compelled to do the same for him. 
“Promise me you won’t get killed wherever you’re going?” You pouted.
He laughed softly, leaning down to press his lips against your forehead. In turn, you blushed several shades redder than usual. This damn guy… 
“I promise.”
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The cemetery was only a short distance away from the village itself. 
Growing up, you’d always loathed making the trip downhill. Going to the cemetery meant another person from the village had passed. You didn’t really like dwelling on the death of the people around you, for all the good reasons there was.
But now, as you laid down the box and sword in your hands in front of an unmarked grave, you couldn’t help but feel like this was where you’re supposed to be.
“It’s me,” you murmured. “Sorry. I visited Mother’s and Father’s graves first. But…you weren’t the impatient type anyways.”
Your words were met by nothing but the sound of the ever-present rain. You sighed.
“I’m also sorry I didn’t turn out to be the amazing, talented doctor you probably wanted me to be.” A pause. “For the past six years, instead of saving lives, I’ve been taking them. I wonder if you’ll still think I’m fit to follow in your footsteps. But if it means anything, a…friend and I came back here in search of the cure you made.” You managed a smile, patting the box on your side. “Maybe if I help those people, it’ll cancel out the sins I’ve already committed… What do you think?”
Your shoulders shook as you let out a dry laugh.
“Probably not, right? But someone told me that actions have consequences, even if I’m not the one who’ll pick up the pieces in the end.” It was surprisingly easy for you to reiterate the words Thoma had imparted to you that day in Konda Village. “I’m fully aware of that, and I promise to clean up my act so you wouldn’t have to roll in your grave worrying about me.”
You got back to your feet, picking up the box and sword from the ground. But instead of letting the sheathless sword hang by your waist like usual, you grabbed it by the hilt before plunging the blade into the wet earth.
“I still don’t know how to deal with the mess with the Tenryou Commission,” you admitted. “I don’t even know if they’ll spare me for breaking our contract but…I’m grateful they reached out to me.”
In your mind, the past two months went by in a blur of memories—both bitter and pleasant alike. You smiled, noting how that specific span of time meant to you. Your life with Doctor Naoko ended in two months’ time, but also in two months’ time, you found your place in this world. 
“If it weren’t for them…" You managed a sincere smile as the faces of everyone in the estate appeared in your head. “I never would have met the family I have now.”
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You were more than relieved to be liberated from the rain.
The docks were relatively deserted when you arrived, and the waverider you’d brought was thankfully, still moored near the shore. Still, there was no sign of Thoma anywhere. You sighed, sitting on the boardwalk as you let your legs dangle over the edge. What was taking him so long…
But as you waited for your companion to arrive, you began contemplating what's going to happen once you return. 
Of course, disseminating the first batch of the cure was of utmost importance. The Sango pearls proved to be highly effective, based on how quickly Thoma had recovered earlier. But you knew the scant amount you had right now won’t be enough for everyone in the estate—much more the soldiers that the Tenryou Commission deliberately infected. You’ll have to ask Ayaka or Ayato if it’s within their power to negotiate the procurement of more pearls with the higher-ups from Watatsumi Island. 
But that reminded you… You had to speak to Ayaka again.
It’s obvious that you regretted speaking so out of turn almost a week ago, when you’d walked out of the estate. Though she was a bit secretive about it, wasn’t Ayaka just doing the same as Doctor Naoko had with you? She took in a complete stranger and cared for them like they were her own blood. Maybe that’s why you were so inexplicably drawn to her.
Her kindness reminded you of the doctor, and you hadn’t even realized it.
You’ve made up your mind. You’re going down on your knees to beg for forgiveness. No cutting corners this time.
In the midst of coming to terms with your own plans, though, you spotted someone running in the distance. It didn’t take too long for you to realize it was Thoma, but aside from the bag he’d lugged over for the trip, he had something else in his grasp.
Wait a minute. Was that a person he’s dragging around?
“Start the waverider now!” he screamed, and you didn’t have to be told twice once you spotted the flurry of soldiers tailing him shortly from behind. 
You hopped into the boat with the doctor’s wooden box wedged beneath your elbow. But starting a waverider was as easy as walking on a tightrope with a stack of plates on your head. The mechanism on the dashboard was completely unfamiliar to you, and you had to fumble a few times with the random buttons before the engine whirred to life.
Thoma tumbled inside with a thud, effectively cramping the inner compartment with 1.) his stupid bag, and 2.) the unconscious soldier he’d dragged all over the beach—
“What the fuck?” You scowled as you stared at Kujou Masahito’s unconscious face. “How the hell did you knock him out and kidnap him?!”
Before answering your question, Thoma made you scoot over to the passenger side, pressing the unconscious Tenryou Commander between the two of you. He revved the boat’s engine with a loud roar before it sped away from the shores of Yashiori—leaving the soldiers after him in the dust.
“Well, in a way, it’s all thanks to you,” the chief retainer said once the waverider was a good distance away—waving a familiar pouch in your face. 
It was your stash of powdered crystal marrow.
“I didn’t even have to use much of it,” he hollered, patting Masahito’s cheek lightly. The soldier didn’t stir even in the slightest. “Just blew some into his face when he was out on patrol and he dropped like a fly.”
“Give me that,” you hissed, taking the potent drug from his grasp before you stuffed it into the wooden box. “I take it Lady Kujou wants to have a word with her brother then?”
“That’s the gist of it, yeah.”
You couldn’t believe it. You couldn’t believe the situation you’d inevitably tangled yourself into. All in the span of two days, you had to fight off an army of plague-infested soldiers, go back to your childhood village to find a cure, made out with the chief retainer of the Kamisato clan, and transported Kujou Masahito’s unconscious body on a high-speed waverider. 
Someone should seriously write a biography of your life. The Yae Publishing House is going to make bank off how utterly convoluted each aspect was.
But…no matter how ridiculous everything seemed, it was alright. You were alright.
And for now, that’s all that mattered.
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© cryoculus | kaientai ✧ all rights reserved. do not repost or translate my work on other platforms.
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justcallmesakira · 7 months ago
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I need you to give tur on how you do your theme PLSTUHHBRTHH
HELLO I am gald you asked so basically if you want a pretty theme you just pick a specific aesthetic, character etc.
💌MAIN ATTRACTION--
I use melanie martinez for this so let's use my theme as an example. It's good to know whay6ypyr making your theme based off, like is it a character? Is it an aesthetic? Is it a food? Is it a bakery based? Like thaf
💌COLOUR CHOICE--
I always pick specific colour scheme like I used k-12 album, it has many nude colours, starting from a soft pink to greyish blue, with some beige and baby blue and a tint of soft purple.
You can search up colour schemes on pinterest because i use it to make my banners and everything
Remember if you want a colourful theme use tints of other colours here and there like if you use pink and white use aspects of purple or blue in your banner or dividers!
If your going for a black, dark, goth theme prefer using grey for the second colour
💌BANNER AND HEADER--
You can always ask me for a banner if you want, I try going creative with them like my current banner in my pinned post.
For your header I usually use objects like take a similar object to match my theme put it on ibispaint and remove bg to make it transparent.
You can also use a character! Remember you can stretch the header or keep it small and position it
I can't make super pretty dividers if you want however super pretty ones here are some creators:
@/anitalenia @/@plutism @/v6que @/muruffin @/dollywons @/cafekitsune
TRUST ME they're dividers are the best of the best and I mostly pick dividers from them! Ofc there are others but this is creators choice ^^
💌BLOGS AESTHETIC--
If you want to keep ur blog neat I prefer making a Navi an also stating your age! Please if you read nsfw state your age it's important.
Also reblog mood boards which suite your blogs aesthetic it will look neat.
And if you want you should make tags for stuff! Like I make it like "sakiras reblogs!!!", "sakiras dirty secrets!!!" for nsfw etc. That way you can find whenever you are trying to find something!
That's all hope I helped you somehow if you want I can help with more just jop into my inbox! I love seeing sakiras followers in them. >×<
kind regards from,
-sakiras editor
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scruffyssketchbook · 10 months ago
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I wrote that last answer and remembered all of the genuinely horrid things little me put in the comic that I had to remove. I can’t say them here ofc, but if you read Zeon’s Quest before I scrubbed it- mmm, let’s not finish that thought. Anyways. It’s so weird. Like what was I on when I was 12-14? I was Evil to my characters for no reason QwQ. The first plot I ever wrote for ssec the day I made it, Blizz was in tears because of something heart shattering going on involving Vay And in another drawn that same week, Something tragic happened to a main character and Blizz got so angry he basically killed a man. Vay got the worst of it. There is this header that says “I like seeing Vay miserable, it brings me joy” or something idk. I Completely ruined his character. He was so traumatized that there was no logical way he could get better, so I took out all of the absolutely horrible things that happened to him that I could, and he immediately improved a lot as a character. Ofc, he’s still Kind of awful, but at least he isn’t how he was before.
H
I’ve been working on some updates for SSEC since the beginning of January that I think will solve all of the issues I have with how the comic is. It’s exciting!!! And also a bit scary? I suppose? I’ve been… kind of obsessed. It’s been so hard not to talk about it on streams TTuTT but I am TRYING TO KEEP MY MOUTH SHUT (and failing).
…..but there is this ship that I really really like and I want to talk talk talk talk about it but I can’t because if I do people will be like 🤨🤨🤨🤨🤨 but it’s really really cute 🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰 like trust me, they are a cute wholesome couple and I love both characters very very much <3
ANYWAYS!!! Where was I going with this? Idk man. I said this before, but I just want the characters to be happy.
Sorry for the vague answers regarding ssec questions lately btw! It’s mostly due to all of these updates and me not being able to talk about them much! (Nego does not exist anymore tho. Take that however you want.)
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thetentaclecommander · 1 year ago
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The Sacrifice of Devils
TSoD (part 3 of the Devil's Saga)
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((Header Pic for the series done by Lil-Chilo)) The Sacrifice of Devils Rated M; has adult/heavy themes Fandom: Resident Evil Main Ship: Nemesis/Jill Valentine Side Ships: Chris Redfield/Sheva Alomar Chapters: 12/12
CW: graphic depictions of violence, psychological trauma, implied medical torture, implied/referenced torture, major character death (full tag list on AO3) Summary: "But already my desire and my will were being turned like a wheel, all at one speed, by the Love which moves the sun and the other stars."
The third arc in the Devil's Saga.
Based off of Dante's Paradiso: reflecting reality and the backlash of the real world.
An AU fic set 8 years after the events of RE5 and 7 after Teaching and Slumber. After the events of Teaching, Jill decided to leave the soldier's life, not just for her sanity but for the unexpected result of her misjudgment with Nemesis.
But cracks are below the surface - intentions, especially in Chris' case, are not completely clear, and Sia...isn't always as cute as her smile. And do not forget, that shadows from the past have a way of resurfacing...one way or another.
One such shadow will return - with a vengeance.
This fic will explore darker themes and topics: it will basically not shy away from nor sugarcoat the violent or suggestive situations within. Events from pre-mansion, RE1, 3, and 5 will be revisited (or taken liberty with). ________________________________________________ Excerpt from TSoD: Prologue-
Why? Was it desperation? Was it desire? Was it loneliness? A last ditch effort to control him? Love?  No. No? …I … I…don't know.
Her trust in humankind was shattered. Day in day out seeing people fight for little things; power, money, war. Things that brought out the worst in people, changed people destroyed them pushed them into man-made monsters. She saw it break apart good men like Chris, and saw it change those that already held evil inside into things beyond hellish.  The years of torment with Wesker broke what little faith and trust she had left. The nightmares still come but rarely now; they mix with dreams, dreams of an event that should have never been. The result of that stared back at her with innocent blue eyes years after.  As she sat years ago with a test in her hands, the unpleasant thought of what to do ran through her mind numerous times. She was reaching 30 at the time; she discarded the idea of a family when she joined the BSAA and then after breaking it off with Chris found that to be another dream to be put aside. But it sat in her palm reading in no uncertain terms proof of pregnancy. Something that never occurred, no never seemed a possible option on the table.  He who never had the option to be human, nor the comprehension to do the crimes of a man – but as all abominations of Umbrella was at one point created or cloned from one – still had the desires of one. She wanted to berate herself for her foolish moment of action, acting on such base motives…but in truth how could she? It wasn't forced, wasn't taken…she freely gave and he responded in kind. No…it was more she told him to, manipulated him using him for her own fucked way to grieve. But was that wrong? Wrong to have a creature made for the express purpose to kill, to destroy to be used for that? Was it wrong to have command over such power? To have that power lay hapless under her? Wrong to desire such power between her legs? Wrong to not expect the same comfort from a human? A deeply hidden feeling rose from within, this feeling she hid from the others, this feeling she had kept to herself as the years passed and her life started anew.  It wasn't all about her anymore. (Continue reading the prologue of The Sacrifice of Devils on A03)
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starlightkun · 1 year ago
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hello! do you perhaps have any tips/advice for those starting their first writing blog?
my tips r mostly gonna b mindset/writing tips rather than like "hacking the tumblr algorithm" type stuff so if that's what ur into then read on:
first up, let's get the few "notes/numbers" tips i can give u out of the way:
from what i can tell, most readers read from the tags rather than their dashboard, so pay attention to what tags people actually use for fics (throwing your tags in the general tags for groups/idols generally isn't as helpful for getting people to actually READ them than putting them in the actual fic tags bc people go into the general tags more for visual content [pictures/gifs] or updates from my experience. when people want to read fic, they go into those fic tags)
this is just a courtesy thing: please tag your stuff correctly! if your fic is, for example, a reader x taeyong fic, only use taeyong, nct, nct 127, or nct u-derivative tags, do not use any other unit (wayv, dream) or any other member tags, even if those other units or members are mentioned or have substantial roles! (a proper love triangle is different, u can include both legs of the love triangle). i assure you, if you spam tag, and put your stuff in places it doesn't belong (god forbid in completely unrelated fandoms or groups), the people who went in those tags looking for content actually about that thing, are just going to be annoyed at best, and pissed off and block u at worst so they don't have to see ur work in their tags ever again. some ppl use the block button very liberally (as is their right. spam tagging fics is annoying as hell)
also, try to keep up with what tags readers are actually going in to read. i've been reading & writing fic for 10+ years now, and have seen the evolution of language in fandom and around fic writing, primarily on tumblr and i've had to uh, keep up with the times to make sure my fics were following wherever the readers were. this shouldn't be hard if you're an active reader yourself but it was something that caught me off-guard when i realized we stopped using "imagine" at some point (dont even get me started on the change from lemon to smut)
post formatting! figure out how you want to format your actual fics on tumblr and stick with it! (trust me....it's exhausting changing ur formatting across dozens of posts.............. but if u rlly hate it after a while just commit and change it lol);; take inspo (dont just copy and paste bc that's tacky) from some of ur favorite writers, figure out what u like to see in a fic (heading text of the title, picture header, indentation, small text, word count, genre tags, content warnings, pairing info, preview, summary, dividers, etc.), and decide what u want to include in urs!
finally for this part: THERE IS NO TUMBLR ALGORITHM. EVERYONE CURATES THEIR OWN DASHBOARD EXPERIENCE AND ITS BEAUTIFUL AND MORE PEOPLE NEED TO PUT IN THE EFFORT TO DO THAT AND FOLLOW THE WRITERS THAT THEY ENJOY READING IN THE TAGS SO THEY CAN KEEP UP WITH THEM AND CONTINUE TO LIKE AND INTERACT AND ACTUALLY GROW AND DEVELOP A CONNECTION AND COMMUNITY
and now my more "mindset/writing" tips:
this is literally in my pinned: i write for fun and for free. i write things that i like, and because i enjoy doing it, and i post them on the internet for free. it is not my job, and coming online should not be stressing me out. and i've been able to keep that up for a year now since my comeback after an unexpected hiatus, and it's honestly been one of my best years of writing as an author.
i think that figuring out a way to write in a way that's sustainable and fun for you is the most important part. people will stick around if you can find that. i've been able to create a community around my works no matter what fandom i was in, for 10 years, and that includes 10 years ago when i was literally like 12, 13, 14 years old writing things that 12, 13, 14 year olds write. and i do think it's because i was always having fun, and interacting with the people who stuck around. and when i stopped having fun, i was done. nct has officially been the longest fandom i've written in, even discounting my year hiatus, which is crazy to think about btw
when you get someone who follows and interacts and is a recurring reader/reblogger/asker/commenter, i'm sure u will already be like '!!!!!' bc that's what my brain does anyway, but make them feel welcome. don't just focus on the tags and the numbers and the notes. what really makes me feel good at the end of the day is seeing the same few people come back and talking to them and knowing that they like my stuff so much they wanna read more. to me, the tags are a means to an end. the tags are a way to hopefully get a few more people like that to find my blog and follow and stick around for more in the future.
small blog org tip: make your blog easy to navigate for people who are checking it out for the first time from finding a fic in the tag or from someone else rbing it or smth! i always link my masterlist at the end of every fic, it's in my pinned and description, and i just try to make it very easy for people to find more fics of mine if they want to :)
i think that compared to other social medias, you'll find that it's slow but steady growth on tumblr (or at least, that's been my experience), but as long as you're writing what you like, it'll make the rocky start feel a little less rocky (i know it sucks when ur not getting any notes. i know. i promise. it's like bringing a cake to a party and nobody eats it. but sometimes u just have to have a piece of ur own cake and go home and bake another one bc u like baking and hope maybe next time everyone will see it)
and just remember that this is your blog! post stuff you like! don't be afraid to let people see the personality of the person posting all these fics that they're reading. most people like knowing that kind of stuff, even outside of stuff like ur bias or fave unit or wtv. i make all my unhinged posts (which, admittedly, have ended up costing me some followers but if u can't handle me at my unhinged perfume jungwoo posts then u don't deserve me at my buzzer beater sungchan) and post pictures of bread and complain abt work or whatever in addition to all my stuff about my wips and then the final fics. i think treating ur blog like an actual blog does a lot to make it feel like there's a real person behind the acct
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fandomohana · 2 years ago
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UHHH I remember 9, 12, 16, 18, 19 and then random numbers uhhh give meeeee 30 through to 35??? And then any other number you wanna answer!!!! Tell me all the thiiiings🥹🥹🥹😭😭😭💓💓💓
Hi gorgeous. 💙💙💙
09: Do you bite your nails? No. But I do have a bad habit of biting them when they break, instead of using clippers. 😅
12: Have you ever stayed up 48 hours? Not that I know of. I'm weak when it comes to sleep. 🤣🤣🤣
16: How exactly are you feeling at the moment? That's a toughie. Stressed over missing my Parker, tired, a bit antsy cause I have lots of stuff to do, but I'm probably going to nap before I do it. 🤣🤣🤣
18: Are you scared of spiders? Yes and no. Big hairy spiders scare the heck out of me. 😨 Small ones don't bother me as much, but no matter the size, I don't try to purposefully kill any of them. I always try to relocate outside bugs back outside. Small spiders I'll scoop up barehanded, big ones I get something to trap it in, and then release. 😅
19: Would you go back in time if you were given the chance? If it was guaranteed safe, yup. There are so many things from my childhood that I miss, including certain foods. I'd definitely go back, and bring a horde of goodies back. 🤣🤣🤣
30: What’s irritating you right now? Uh, stress, anxiety, my brain? 😅
31: Does somebody love you? I think so. I know my mom does, and my sister. I have some friends who say they love me. Zero romantic love as far as I know, which isn't a surprise. 🤣🤣🤣
32: What is your favourite color? Blue. Aqua blues like my profile picture, and header. 💙💙💙
33: Do you have trust issues? So many, it's not even funny. 🤣🤣🤣
34: Who/what was your last dream about? Um. I gotta think about this, cause my dreams are off the wall ridiculous. 🤣🤣🤣 I also struggle to remember them. 😅 I know Parker coming home was one of my recent dreams. 🥺
35: Who was the last person you cried in front of? Probably my mom. She's the only human I interact with regularly in person. 😅
I'm no good at deciding what information to offer, cause I'm never sure what is interesting. 😅 But if you want to ask more, I'm happy to answer. 💙💙💙
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katieputnam18 · 1 year ago
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Boost Your Online Presence: Unleashing the Power of SEO
Boost Your Online Presence: Unleashing the Power of SEO
In today's digital age, having a strong online presence is crucial for the success of any business or individual. The internet has become the go-to source for information, products, and services, making it essential for businesses to be easily found online.
This is where Search Engine Optimization (SEO) comes into play, a powerful tool to boost your online presence and increase your visibility in search engine results. SEO is the process of optimizing your website and its content to improve its ranking on search engine results pages (SERPs).
By implementing effective SEO strategies, you can improve your website's visibility and attract more organic traffic. One of the key aspects of SEO is keyword research. It involves identifying popular keywords and phrases that are relevant to your business or industry.
Inserting these keywords strategically throughout your website's content will increase the chances of search engines recognizing your website as relevant when users search for those terms.
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By doing so, search engines can easily determine the content and relevance of your website, improving its ranking. Additionally, optimizing your website's loading speed, mobile-friendliness, and user experience further enhances your chances of ranking higher in search results. Off-page optimization is another vital aspect of SEO. This involves building high-quality backlinks to your website from reputable sources. When other websites link back to your content, search engines perceive it as a sign of trust and credibility, increasing your website's authority.
Engaging in guest blogging, social media marketing, and influencer collaborations are effective ways to acquire these valuable backlinks and reach a wider audience. Furthermore, regularly producing high-quality, relevant, and engaging content is crucial for SEO. Fresh content not only attracts and retains users but also signals to search engines that your website is active and up-to-date.
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In conclusion, to boost your online presence and attract more visitors to your website, implementing effective SEO strategies is essential.
By conducting thorough keyword research, optimizing your website's on-page and off-page elements, and consistently creating valuable content, you can enhance your website's visibility and reach online.
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ofide · 2 years ago
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Girl why is bigger stronger Loki eating frail smaller Loki? What's the lore?
OKAY forgive me for doing this without pictures but i can’t be arsed to go through agent of asgard right now. i’ll try to be concise
agent of asgard stars ikol-loki, who is essentially a copy of the soul of loki from classic comic in the (grown up) body of kid loki, who was his good, reincarnated version. ikol-loki was created to steal kid loki’s body in the hopes that he’d be closer to the original loki but without his reputation already tarnished.
in AOA, we initially see ikol-loki (nobody knows about the body snatching yet) doing quests for the all-mothers to pay for the crimes of his past life. this monster of the week setup gets quickly interrupted when he runs into an older version of himself, king loki.
king loki is from a future in which, after repaying his debt and living a heroic life for years, he was still shunned by the asgardians, nobody trusted him, nobody would allow him to be one of them. so he grew resentful of them, and decided to play into the role they’d cast him in: he turned against thor and against asgard, killed the avengers and destroyed the earth.
to be able to actually defeat thor, he travels back in time and begins influencing the events so that his past self (ikol-loki) will turn into him (king loki) as swiftly as possible and under the best possible conditions to assure his victory. this means, of course, that he is working against ikol-loki’s desire to change and be a good person, essentially cannibalising his past self, consuming him to better himself. the picture in my header is the issue 12 cover, which is symbolic of this. (i edited the colours slightly, but that’s it).
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i won’t spoil the ending but i assure you that the whole thing about people not accepting the new version of you and having to reject other people’s perception in order to live the life that is best for you smacks of trans coding - which is only made better by the fact that loki is actually trans (genderfluid) and it’s displayed throughout the series. they actually display more gender variance as they get more comfortable in their own identity as loki, and they change their title in a way that evokes changing one’s name.
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jahid-75 · 1 year ago
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12 SEO Mistakes To Avoid For Better Search Engine Rankings
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In today's digital age, having a strong online presence is crucial for any business or website. Search Engine Optimization (SEO) plays a pivotal role in improving your website's visibility and driving organic traffic from search engines. However, many website owners fall prey to common SEO mistakes that can hinder their chances of achieving better search engine rankings. In this article, we'll explore the twelve most critical SEO mistakes you should avoid to enhance your website's search engine performance.
Understanding SEO Mistakes
Importance of Search Engine Rankings
Securing higher positions in search engine results is vital as it leads to increased visibility and higher organic traffic. Websites that appear on the first page of search engine results have a better chance of attracting potential visitors, which can ultimately translate into more leads and sales.
Impact of Mistakes on Website Performance
Making SEO mistakes can have adverse effects on your website's overall performance. Your website may rank lower in search results, resulting in reduced organic traffic. Additionally, your site's credibility and authority may suffer, affecting user trust and engagement.
Keyword Research Errors
Choosing High-Competition Keywords
Targeting extremely competitive keywords can be challenging, especially for new or small websites. Competing against well-established websites with a higher domain authority can make it difficult to rank well for such keywords.
Ignoring Long-Tail Keywords
Long-tail keywords may have lower search volumes, but they often indicate more specific user intent. Ignoring these keywords means missing out on potential customers looking for precisely what you offer.
Keyword Stuffing
Keyword stuffing, the excessive use of keywords in content, is a red flag for search engines. It not only annoys readers but also leads to penalties from search engines, hurting your rankings.
On-Page Optimization Blunders
Poorly Written Title Tags and Meta Descriptions
Title tags and meta descriptions are essential elements for on-page SEO. If they are poorly written or irrelevant, users and search engines may not fully understand the content's context.
Neglecting Header Tags (H1, H2, H3)
Header tags provide a hierarchical structure to your content, making it easier for search engines to understand the content's organization. Neglecting these tags can result in confusion and lower rankings.
Missing Alt Text for Images
Alt text helps search engines understand the content of images on your website. Neglecting to include alt text means missing out on a valuable opportunity to optimize your content for search.
Thin or Duplicate Content
Having thin or duplicate content can harm your website's rankings. Search engines prefer unique and valuable content that provides useful information to users.
Technical SEO Pitfalls
Slow Page Load Speed
A slow-loading website frustrates users and negatively impacts SEO. Search engines favor faster websites as they offer a better user experience.
Ignoring Mobile Responsiveness
With the majority of internet users accessing the web through mobile devices, mobile responsiveness is critical for SEO success. Websites that aren't mobile-friendly may lose valuable traffic.
Lack of XML Sitemap and Robots.txt
An XML sitemap helps search engines crawl and index your website more efficiently, while a robots.txt file guides search engine bots on which pages to exclude from indexing.
Broken Links and Redirects
Broken links and improper redirects create a poor user experience and affect your website's authority in the eyes of search engines.
Neglecting User Experience
Confusing Navigation
A well-organized website with clear navigation enhances user experience. Difficult navigation can lead to high bounce rates, negatively impacting your search engine rankings.
Intrusive Pop-ups and Ads
Excessive and intrusive pop-ups and ads annoy users and can lead to penalties from search engines.
Unfriendly Mobile Experience
A poor mobile experience, such as unresponsive design or small fonts, can deter mobile users and affect your rankings on mobile search results.
Neglecting Local SEO
Inconsistent NAP Information
Inaccurate or inconsistent Name, Address, and Phone (NAP) information across different platforms can harm your local search visibility.
Not Claiming Google My Business Listing
Failing to claim and optimize your Google My Business listing means missing out on local search opportunities and potential customers.
Lack of Localized Content
Neglecting to create location-specific content can hinder your visibility in local searches.
Black Hat SEO Techniques
Keyword Stuffing
Using black hat tactics like keyword stuffing can lead to severe penalties from search engines.
Hidden Text and Links
Hiding text or links from users but not search engines violates SEO guidelines and can result in penalties.
Cloaking
Cloaking involves showing different content to search engines and users, which is highly frowned upon by search engines.
Neglecting Analytics and Monitoring
Failure to Set Up Google Analytics
Not using tools like Google Analytics means missing out on valuable insights into your website's performance and user behavior.
Not Monitoring Performance Metrics
Failing to regularly monitor and analyze key performance metrics can lead to missed opportunities for improvement.
Overlooking Social Media Integration
Importance of Social Signals
Social media activity and engagement can impact search engine rankings. Ignoring social media integration means missing out on potential SEO benefits.
Failing to Share Content on Social Platforms
Promoting your content on social media can amplify its reach and attract more traffic to your website.
Not Optimizing for Featured Snippets
Understanding Featured Snippets
Featured snippets are concise answers that appear at the top of search results. Optimizing for them can boost your organic visibility.
Tips for Earning Featured Snippets
Providing comprehensive and well-structured content can increase your chances of appearing in featured snippets.
Disregarding Backlink Quality
Focus on Quality over Quantity
Having high-quality backlinks from authoritative websites is more valuable than having numerous low-quality backlinks.
Avoiding Link Farms and Spammy Sites
Linking to or from link farms and spammy websites can harm your site's reputation and rankings.
Ignoring Algorithm Updates
Importance of Staying Informed
Search engine algorithms change frequently, and staying informed is crucial to adapt your SEO strategies accordingly.
Adapting to Algorithm Changes
Adjusting your SEO techniques based on algorithm updates can help maintain or improve your search engine rankings.
Lack of Content Promotion
Importance of Content Distribution
Creating excellent content is not enough; promoting it through various channels is essential for better search engine rankings.
Utilizing Social Media and Email Marketing
Leveraging social media and email marketing can significantly increase the reach of your content.
Conclusion
By avoiding these twelve SEO mistakes and implementing effective strategies, you can significantly improve your website's search engine rankings. Remember to conduct thorough keyword research, optimize on-page elements, prioritize technical SEO, focus on user experience, and stay informed about algorithm updates. By continuously refining your approach and staying consistent, you'll pave the way for better organic visibility and success online.
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