#trust me i have like...a waiting line of fics to comment on

[longeyelashedtragedy]

i'd really like to step up my writing game. everything i've written lately has felt so...boring, even if i personally am entertained by it. my three favorite things i've written in a while (how to stay there, visited upon the sons, sretan rođendan) --two of them were a bit, i wouldn't say experimental, but they were almost written by bypassing my thinking mind entirely and just written from some sort of feeling. but you can't do that for every fic.

[underoossss]

Head over Heels - S.H

masterlist

pairing: steve harrington x grumpy!f!reader

summary: Steve falls for Robin’s grumpy friend, and he falls hard.

warnings: family problems mention, trust issues, angst, hurt/comfort, no spoilers, (there’s fluff I promise!!!)

grumpy x sunshine trope

an: I know this is the first Steve fic I’ve posted IN FOREVER and I’m sorry! my writer’s block, personal problems, work and health, have all contributed to how long it took me to finish this. But I promise to make it worth your while, this is the same length as babe baby beautiful and I hope it makes you happy. I dedicate this to all my grumpy beloveds out there, who, like me. don’t relate 100% to the sunshine tropes bc sometimes life just freaking sucks. I poured my heart out with this one so, I hope this comforts you and that you like it! Please let me know. 💘

——-

The September breeze pushes Steve’s hair back as he makes his way to the Hawkin’s start-of-autumn fair, a new thing the town is trying out to make the citizens feel more upbeat after all the incidents they’ve experienced. His friends trail after him, Mike and Lucas arguing over something he doesn’t understand, Max listening to Dustin complain about some prank the soccer team played on the Hellfire Club and Robin walking by his side. Everyone shouts food orders over their shoulder, running towards the picnic tables in search for an empty one, and leaving Steve and Robin alone.

His friend is rambling by his side, and Steve nods along to what she’s telling him. She has a new friend this year, met her at homeroom when she was introduced as a new student. A senior like Robin, she got along with her just fine. I talk a lot and she doesn’t, it’s a good fit, I think she really needed a friend that day, Robin says, and now she’s friends with all of us. Steve hums in understanding, switching schools in senior year sounds awful, and he wonders why you chose to do that. He wouldn’t, unless it was for something serious.

“Anyway here she comes!” Robin says excitedly, waving you over. “I can’t believe she actually came, she’s not comfortable with strangers and she doesn’t know you. I thought she’d sit this one out.”

Steve follows Robin’s line of sight and spots you walking towards them in the distance. Baby blue sweater, light washed jeans and black high-top converse, make you stand out from the orange foliage around you. Your face is serious as you get closer, only breaking into a small smile when you wave at Robin and accept her hug. When you step back your face morphs back to neutrality, a slight furrow to your brow as you hide your hands in your back pockets.

Robin says your name and motions towards Steve. “This is Steve, the friend I told you about.” She explains, “He’s our chauffeur, monster-fighter and designated babysitter.”

Steve furrows his brows and looks sideways at Robin before he looks at you and grins. “Hi, nice to meet you.” He offers his hand and you give it one quick shake before pulling back and looking away. Steve wasn’t expecting that reaction, but he guesses what Robin said is true, you don’t like strangers.

“We’re going to get Apple fritters! They have massive ones here and they serve them with big scoops of ice cream.” Robin tells you, glancing down the line as it moves. There are only three people left to order, so the three of you step into line. “Let me check if they’re still doing the ice cream on top.”

With that, Steve is left to wait next to you until Robin is back. You shift from one leg to another, almost nervously and Steve glances at you. Your eyes meet his and then look away, not scared or nervous, just looking away like you can’t be bothered to make conversation with him. Is he intimidating? Steve asks himself or are you just a massive buzzkill that can’t even comment on the weather.

Steve tries again, scratching his cheek. “So, uh, you’re in senior year like Robin?”

You nod, looking down at your feet before looking at him. “Yeah, we have a lot of classes together. I know the guys over there as well.” Your hand lifts to point at Eddie, who’s just arrived at the table, and the kids talking around him.

Huh, so you do speak, Steve notes, but only when prompted. “Cool.” He nods, looking at your face and noticing the way you look away immediately. “So why did you move to Hawkins all of a sudden? I mean senior year, that’s gotta be rough.”

You press your lips together, looking uncomfortable by the question. Steve has the faint idea that he asked the wrong thing. “I should go say hi to everyone.” You say after an awkward cough. “If there’s ice cream can you tell Robin I’m good with cookie dough?”

Steve wordlessly takes the 5 bucks you hand him and sees you rush away from him. In the distance he can see everyone’s faces light up when they spot you, beckoning you over with excited waves, and your reluctant barely there smile as you greet them and sit down. Steve doesn’t get it; he is half mortified and half confused when Robin comes back. How is it that everyone is your friend when you’re so closed off and Steve doesn’t want to say it but… grumpy.

“Are you sure your friend wants to be here?” Steve asks Robin, looking over at you again. You’re sitting with your elbows leaning on the table, listening to everyone talk around you, neutral expression on your face. Bored, even.

“Of course, she does.” Robin is quick to say. “Why do you ask?”

“Well, she doesn’t look too thrilled to be talking to you.” Steve shrugs.

“You clearly don’t know her.” Robin shakes her head. “What did you do?”

“I only asked her about her move to Hawkins.” Steve holds his hands up defensively, then adds. “She said she likes cookie dough ice cream.”  

They pause their conversation to order the fritters and pay, then continue talking while they wait.

“Okay, you shouldn’t have asked that. First of all.” Robin rolls her eyes, “Second of all, she’s friends with all of us.”

Steve huffs in disbelief. “Oh so she likes you? That’s her I like you face.”

“She adores us, you… not really but that’s cause she doesn’t know you.” Robin nods with certainty, then worries her bottom lip. “The move question is just tricky for her.”

Steve moves to say something when their order is called, and she go back to the booth to take the trays laid out in front of them. There are eight apple fritters with ice cream they have to juggle back to the table but manage to fit in their hands and arms.

“Look Steve.” Robin says seriously, lowering her voice after a sigh.” She slows her pace, so they take longer to get back to the table. “She has been through a rough time; I won’t tell you what because it took her a long time to trust me enough to open up.”

“Okay…” Steve nods, going over her words and feeling a soft pang of guilt. He wouldn’t have judged you so harshly if he knew you were struggling with something. He wouldn’t have asked you about you changing towns. “You could’ve told me that before I messed up earlier. Before I was bitchy too.”

“You’re always bitchy.” Robin huffs, then hums when she looks at you sitting in the distance. “She’s wonderful Steve, in her own way, so don’t judge her by the way she presents herself. When she trusts you, you’ll see what I‘m talking about.” She gives him a pointed look.  

Robin’s words echo in his head as they reach the picnic table and hand over the food to their friends. Steve places yours in front of you with a nod to which you say thank you. Now that he knows a little more about you, Steve guesses you were both left with a bad first impression. They aren’t his forte, and it’s not his fault you weren’t the same person with him as you are with Robin. You don’t know each other, of course it was going to be awkward. Steve sees what Robin means as everyone chats and eats; he sees it in the way your eyes soften, and lips smile slightly when Max begins to tell you something. He sees it in the way you lean closer to the redhead and whisper something that has her laughing soon after; you smile as well before turning your attention back to the group. Dustin and Eddie are planning some sort of revenge on the jocks from the soccer team who messed up something in their Hellfire Room.

Steve tries to focus on what they’re saying but he’s too busy looking at you, trying to figure you out. What happened? What’s the thing that you told Robin that made you keep the gentleness you showed to Max tucked away? You feel him looking at you and meet his eyes, it’s a distrustful glance from the way you narrow your eyes at him. Okay, Steve probably stared at you too long. He looks away and hears you sigh before you do too, tuning back into the conversation between the Hellfire club sitting at the other end of the picnic table.

“That’s a horrible plan.” You say plainly, making Max snort and Eddie pause the conversation. The metalhead rolls his eyes –no annoyance, no malice in sight. Steve supposes Eddie knows you like Robin does.

“Why is that, buttercup?” Eddie asks.

“They’ll know it was you, and they’ll beat you up, Munson.” You tell him seriously with an eye roll of your own –Steve doesn’t need to know you to catch the concern in your tone. “Put some laxatives in their protein powders instead.”

Steve lets out a bark of laughter that startles the table; that would be a good prank if he’s being honest. Everyone turns to look at him, including you and Steve clears his throat. “It’s a good idea.” He mumbles rubbing his chin, then meets your eyes briefly to find something like amusement in them.

“No, no, no.” Dustin shakes his head. “It is an objectively good plan, there’s no way they’ll know it’s us.”

“Yeah, we’ll wait for them to leave and then sneak into the locker room.” Eddie adds. “We’ll seal their lockers shut, they can’t change into their gear the next day and their coach yells their ears off.”

“The perfect plan.” Dustin says proudly and looks around the take to see who agrees.

“You sure they won’t be able to trace the prank back to you? See it as immediate revenge for what they did?” Max asks nodding towards you, “She’s right.”

“We’re absolutely sure.” Eddie confirms with a nod, clapping his hands in front of him.

“Can I read the eulogy at your funeral then?” You ask Eddie and Dustin with fake enthusiasm. “I call dibs.”

Steve chuckles and next to him, Robin fakes discontent as she rolls her eyes. “Damn, I wanted to do it.”

You send a smile her way before you clear your throat. “Eddie and Dustin died as they lived.” Your words are solemn as you speak. “With bad plans and too much confidence that they’ll work.”

“They always work.” Eddie says, chuckling at your words with everyone else. You simply raise one eyebrow at him, which Steve must admit is hot, and Eddie shakes his head. “I guess they sort of work.”

“So, laxatives?” Dustin asks Eddie after a minute, a defeated hunch to his shoulders.

“Laxatives.” Eddie and the rest of Hellfire repeats before the table bursts into laughter– including Steve.

His eyes don’t leave you though. You’re not laughing like everyone else but there’s a small smile on your face. It is reserved but softens your face in the loveliest way. It shows him you are enjoying their company despite the otherwise inexpressive look on your face. Steve begins to wonder then… if he wins your trust, the one you have with Robin and Max, will you smile at him the same way you do with them? Bright and beautiful enough to blind him? He guesses it would be worth a shot, getting to know you more, because if he’s being honest, he’s intrigued.

--------

The next time Steve sees you it’s at a party. It’s mid-October and the cold weather turns it up a notch with the cold bite to the air. He wouldn’t have gone to the party in the first place, if he’s being honest, but Robin forced him to go. Everyone will be there she’d said but Steve didn’t know who everyone would be. Only when he arrived at Kevin Rotner’s house did he begin to recognize some familiar faces. Nancy, Johnathan, and Eddie arrive at the same time he does and the five of them walk up the driveway and the small path leading to the front porch. There’s loud chatter inside and a boombox playing to the loudest volume in the dinning room. There are people sitting in the staircase laughing at a joke and more loud conversation coming from the backyard. He navigates the house with his friends until Robin spots you in the kitchen, and Steve doesn’t know why he’s so nervous when he sees you. You greet Robin with a hug and shrug when she tells you something, he can hear. Your face is pretty and serious as you look over Robin’s shoulder, spotting everyone else coming to say hi. Steve sees you take a deep breath before you greet everyone — almost as if you’re preparing yourself for small talk and hugs. He greets you last, more open and approachable than last time, and he’s surprised when you wave. “Hi, Steve.”

Something inside Steve jumps, but he thinks it’s only his own surprise. He’s about to say something, when Robin and Nancy take your hand and drag you away with the promise of some new gossip, they have to tell you.

Steve talks to a few people here and there; mostly the ones he’s kept in touch with after high school. Other than that, he doesn’t know anyone else; he doesn’t know if it’s cause he’s grown up but he’s not really having fun. There are people jumping into the pool despite the weather while those who mind the cold have gathered inside the house. Steve’s mostly avoiding the crowds, where the air is too hot despite winter being near, while keeping an eye out for his friends. Nancy and Jonathan are talking to some people he doesn’t know in the kitchen, Robin is trying not to combust while she talks to her crush —her lab partner in biology— and Eddie is walking around the entire party with his lunchbox.

When Steve sees you again, you are people watching in the living room, eyes trained on a few people in the middle of the room. He moves to stand next to you, and you shift your gaze towards him but say nothing; Steve thinks it means it’s okay if you stand here. Your foot taps to the music –Tears for Fears’ Head Over Heels –and your head moves almost imperceptibly to the music. The two of you are quiet for a while, and it’s not awkward like Steve expected it to be, not after the way he messed up at the fair. He’s pleasantly surprised, and relaxes a bit more next to you, slouching slightly against the wall. One of your arms is crossed over your chest while your other elbow rests on it, a red cup in your hand. The music continues to play and your eyes are still trained on the people talking in the living room, they’re some old Hawkins High students Steve kind of recognizes. There’s Angela and Karen, Bradley and Peter and some other people he doesn’t know the names of. Steve leans his weigh on his right leg, which brings him closer to you.

You don’t move away, simply pass him your red cup. Steve moves to shake his head no and say he’s driving, but you speak up before he does. “It’s only soda.” You say and nod at the cup that Steve takes the cup from you shortly after.

“What’re you watching?” Steve asks.

“The only interesting thing that’s going to happen in this party I think.” You look at him finally and lean closer, Steve isn’t sure you’re aware of it. “I think there’s going to be a fight.”

Your eyes hold amusement in them, like you’re excited for what’s about to happen. The tiniest movement of your mouth has Steve glancing down, you’re grinning, barely; he thinks it’s cute.

Steve’s eyebrows raise, interest spiked, and is about to say something when you turn your head again. Bradley is saying something to Angela, his voice loud and slurred but incomprehensible over the music, and not a second later an equally intoxicated Peter swings a punch at him. Another girl, who Steve doesn’t know, confronts Angela they start arguing with Karen joining the fight. Bradley and Peter fall to the ground, wrestling each other while others try to break the fight.

“Wait isn’t she?” Steve’s mind catches up the everything that happened puts two and two together. He’s pretty Angela is dating Bradley, not Peter.

“Yup.” You say with a shrug, tilting your head. “It was all a matter of time before it happened.” It’s all you say, then chuckle. Steve does too, he can’t help himself at the sound of your own laughter, until the two of you are giggling at the fight in front of you.

The music changes then, to something more upbeat, and Steve’s mind can only think about asking you to dance. Would you say yes? Probably not. Before he can ask you though, you step away from the wall. More people have gathered in the living room to watch the fight, and you decide to make your way to the front door. Do crowds bother you? Steve wonders.

“Wait.” Steve goes after you and closes the door behind him. “Where are you going?”

“Home.” Your back is turned to him. The cream-coloured sweater you wear over your lilac skirt and your black boots look lovely on you, and so does your hair. Steve doesn’t know why but he thinks it frames your face perfectly. There’s also a hint of remaining lip-gloss on your lips that shines with the streetlamp’s light… and Steve, well Steve thinks You’re so pretty.

“It’s cold, don’t tell me you’re going to walk.” Steve speaks again, shaking away his previous thoughts.

You shrug, “I usually do, it’s not too far.”

Steve doesn’t know where you live but he knows Rotner lives far away from almost everyone in Hawkins. Your house is probably far away. “I’ll drive you.”  Steve offers, but you sigh and look away.

“Go back to the party Steve, you can drive Robin home.” You say simply. “I’ll see you around.”

“No, she can go with Nancy.” He follows you until he’s walking next to you. “It’s not safe for you to walk home, come on.”

You sigh again and look up at the sky, annoyed. If you’re annoyed, then he’s too, because you’re making a dumb decision for the sake of being stubborn. And you probably don’t know that he’s stubborn too, so you might have to argue all night about whether this decision is right or not. Why is it so hard for you to accept a ride home? You offered him soda and were talking to him just now; it was nice. More than nice.

“I won't stop asking.” Steve says, crossing his arms and stepping in front of you.

Your eyes meet his in an intense half-glare, and Steve can’t help but think how nice your eyeliner looks on you. It does something to him he hasn’t felt in a while. He feels like he can’t breathe while heat creeps up the back of his neck —it’s October, he shouldn’t feel hot at all. A moment later you roll your eyes, though backing down first, and giving Steve some time to breathe as you turn around.

“Alright.”

Steve can’t help smiling in triumph, knowing he just won, and follows you as you walk towards his car further down the road. Amusement paints his eyes as he looks at you; your lips are pursed, and a huff escapes you.

 “You’re pouting” Steve says, looking at your lips and the annoyed look on your face. It makes him smile. You’re pouting.

“I’m not” You look sideways at him.  

“Oh, you are.”

“Shut up, Harrington.” You say and he laughs, opening the passenger’s door for you.

-------

From then on Steve does his best to increase his charm and be a gentleman. He offers you his help as well as rides home whenever he can, especially when you’re alone. The last thing he wants is for you to think that he’s only being nice when your common friends are around. Steve sees you more often now, not as much as he’d like, he must admit, but enough to know more about you. What you’re okay with sharing, more like.  

As he suspected from the party, you don’t like crowds (they make you nervous), and when Steve asked why you’d changed the topic. You work at the Deli on Main Street, have a younger brother named Chris, and you love coffee. He always sees you drinking one in the morning when he gives both you and Robin a ride to school, and whenever he stops by at the deli for lunch during your shift. Most important of all, Steve is starting to see what Robin meant when she said not to judge a book based on its cover. Because, despite your grumpy exterior, there’s a whole personality hidden underneath.

Steve can tell. There are hints and pieces; from the way you dress, to the music you like, and comic books you read and often exchange with Max. When he takes the time to look, he sees the gentleness with which you do things, and the care with which you treat your friends. He also sees your distrust for what it is: fear. You’re afraid, to let new people in, to get hurt, and Steve doesn’t know why.  

He wishes there was something he could do to fix it, to make you see the glass half full instead of half empty, or to change your sporadic pessimism.  But then he figures, he would be changing you, and that’s not something he wants. If he’s being honest, your friend group (Steve isn’t sure if he’s your friend, officially at least) needed someone with an objective outlook on life to set their heads straight. And if he’s honest with himself, he likes all the things that make you you. He likes your confidence when you don’t care what people think about you. He likes it when you fight with Robin over who chooses the music, despite it being his car. And he's pretty much obsessed with your face; the hard set of your jaw when you get impatient, the brow you silently arch that makes him feel things he shouldn’t, and the silent way you listen to conversation, only speaking up when you think it’s necessary. Steve is more than a bit obsessed.

He had been wrong that first day. He didn’t know you and wrongly assumed you weren’t happy to be there with them, when you actually were. He reflects upon it now that he knows your facial expressions; your eyebrows had been relaxed, and your eyes didn’t have a hard edge to them. You had been at ease, only closing yourself off when Steve tried to dig into your move to Hawkins. He really started off with the wrong foot, but it all takes a turn on a Friday night.

You visit FV for a tape mid-afternoon, surprising Steve at work. The weather is more than chilly outside, and Steve notices right away how you have no jacket on, only a dark red sweater. He’d been doing some paperwork behind the counter when the bell over the door for his attention. It rewarded him with the sight of you walking in, looking around before your eyes settle on him.

“Hey, Steve.” You say voice light as you approach him and lean your elbows on the counter. “Do you have karate kid available? My brother is begging us to watch it again tomorrow.”

Steve doesn’t know why but he struggles to speak for a moment —it probably has to do with the fact that you look very pretty, and two, this interaction is so different from your first one he shortcircuits. After a long pause you raise a questioning eyebrow, “You okay?”

Steve clears his throat. “Yeah. Um, we have it, let me go get it.”

“Thank you.” You nod as he dashes away from the counter.

“Did you walk here?” Steve asks once he’s cleared his head and reaches the action movie aisle. He sees you shrug over the stands.

“I usually do, I don’t mind it.” You explain simply.

“You’re not wearing a jacket though.” Steve grabs Karate Kid and goes back to the counter. Why are you always out in the cold without a jacket? It’s a miracle you haven’t fallen sick, he thinks.

“I left school in a rush, I was gonna be late for work.” You shrug again, eyes visibly lighting up when you spot the movie. “Thank God. Chris would have been insufferable if someone beat me to it.”

Steve crouches down behind the counter and retrieves his own jacket —a grey bomber— before placing it on the counter in front of you. “Here.”

“Steve,” You tell him seriously, rolling your eyes. “I’m not taking your jacket.”

“Why not? You’re the one walking out in the cold, I only have to walk towards my car.” He dismisses your refusal with a wave of his hand.

“Hey!” Robin says, calling your name as she emerges from the back room. “Perfect timing, I was going to call you.”

“Here to rent karate kid.” You tell her, a small smile on your face.

“And choosing hypothermia over my jacket.”  Steve chimes in, sliding his jacket pointedly towards you.

“It’s not that cold Steve.” You roll your eyes at him again, “But I know you’ll annoy me until I say yes.”

Steve gives you a triumphant smile and you shake your head, Steve would even say it’s shyly, before you take the jacket and shrug it on. “The movie? Please.”

Robin speaks up while Steve rings you up. “We’re gonna hang out at Nancy’s tonight. The kids will be there too, you should come.”

Steve risks a glance at you, in his jacket; a huge mistake. He seriously underestimated his reaction to seeing you in his clothes, because it is downright adorable and something he was unprepared for. The sleeves go past your hands and the whole thing is oversized on you, his shoulders being broader than yours and his torso longer. Steve bites back a smile —he hopes you never give it back to him; this is a sight he’d love to see more often.  He turns back to the computer to hide his grin from you and silently hopes you’ll say yes.

“Will there be other people?” You ask Robin, and Steve is quick to shake his head no and reassure you. Too quick.

“Just the usual gang.” Steve tells you, clearing his throat to hide his eagerness. “No one else.”

“Come on, it’ll be fun!” Robin insists with a smile, then moves her gaze towards Steve, who tries to ignore the way she raises a knowing eyebrow at him. He’s gonna have an earful once you leave, he can bet on it.  

“Okay, I’ll be there.” You nod, then exchange some cash for the movie Steve hands to you. “Thank you, Steve.”

Steve leans his forearms on the counter, trying to give you his most charming smile to see if he’ll get one of those you give Robin in return. “We’ll pick you up after work.” Steve says and you look into his eyes for a long second before nodding.

“Sure.” You shrug, eyes shifting away from his. “I’ll see you guys later.”

------

At Nancy’s, chaos ensues. The kids argue over what board-game to play while Eddie and Robin argue over what record to play next. Steve is listening to Nancy and Jonathan talk about a volunteering drive she’s organizing and from where he stands, he can see you leaning against the wall next to Robin. Your face is neutral as you listen to the record that’s currently playing, tuning out Eddie’s argument for the most part until you speak up.

“Or you can let me choose?” You ask calmly, glancing at them briefly before going back to looking down at your feet.

“No!” Both Eddie and Robin say at the same time, and Steve notices the corner of your mouth twitch upwards.

“You chose this one, buttercup.” Eddie says with a sigh. “You’re only gonna choose one to annoy us.”

This earns Eddie an eye roll. “How exactly do you know that?” You ask. “It could’ve been a great pick, now you’ll never know Munson.”

Steve tries to tune back into Nancy’s explanation when Max pushes the board game she wanted to play away with a huff. It clatters to the ground as she stands from her place in front of the coffee table. You spot her and call her name only a moment later.  

“Hey Max, I got the new Wonder Woman!” You say after a moment when the read-head stops glaring daggers at the boys. 

Her eyes light up, a dramatic change from the look in her eyes moments ago. “Really? Can I see it?”

“‘Course, I brought it for you.” You roll your eyes, this time full of fondness, and nod towards the kitchen. “It’s in my bag.”

 Steve can’t follow your conversation because the doorbell rings, signalling the pizza Nancy ordered arrived. The weather feels much colder than earlier as he opens the door and steps outside, he pays for the pizza, tips the delivery guy and goes back inside. Arms full of pizza boxes, he walks back to the dining table, shooting a pointed look at Dustin and Mike. “Zip it or you don’t get a single slice.”

The high schoolers move more discarded boardgames away from the table in a heartbeat, scrambling to undo their mess and opening the pizza boxes in a hurry. Steve spots you still standing in the kitchen talking to Max as everyone helps themselves to pizza and decides to let you both know the food is ready.

“So, you skate too?” Max is asking you excitedly, leaning her hip against the kitchen counter.

You chuckle — it hits Steve in the chest and Steve doesn’t know what to do with that. “I do,” You grin, “I mean I used to when I lived in Indianapolis, but I haven’t since I moved here.”

“We can go to the skate-park tomorrow.” Max proposes raising her eyebrows, “If you want.”

You nod, “Sure. I’ll look for my skateboard tonight, let’s hope I still remember how to use it.”

“Pizza’s here.” Steve says, interrupting and smiling at you both. When your eyes meet his, your lips move to smile but in a matter of seconds you stop yourself.

It makes Steve furrow his brows and walk over to you as Max leaves to grab a slice. “You okay?” Steve asks, and your eyes meet his again briefly before they dart away as you sidestep him.

You make your way to the front door in a rush, this time though you do grab your jacket—his jacket— on the way. Just like he did the night of the party, Steve follows you, worried and confused at your reaction. Robin glances at him from the dining table, an unspoken question in her eyes but Steve can only shrug. He is certain he didn’t do anything wrong just now, but somehow, he messed up because you just fled from him.

“Stop.” Steve says after calling your name. “What happened?”

“Nothing, I just need some air. You should go back inside Steve.” Your back is to him, shoulders tense and close to your ears defensively.

“No,” He shakes his head. His lips go down into a frown briefly as he looks at your back. He voices the question he always asks himself when you shut him down. “Did I do something?”

“No.” You say when you turn, eyebrows meeting in the middle as you glare at him but Steve sees the way you struggle to hold it in place. After a second it falls, and your face just crumples to exhausted look. “I want to be alone.” You whisper.

 “You think a glare and a pout are intimidating enough to drive me away?” Steve shakes his head.

“I don’t pout.” You say, lips pursed and jaw tense. Pouting.

“You do and it’s not working.”  

You change tactics then, raising an eyebrow and staring him down like the night at the party but Steve shakes his head. “That’s not working either.”

“Why are you insisting so much on this!” You finally ask, raising your voice and crossing your arms in front of you. Your jaw clenches as you look away and Steve sees your eyes squeeze shut.

He runs a hand down his face and breathes out. “Whether you like it or not there are people who want to get to know you.”

“What, like you?” Your eyes cut a suspicious look Steve’s way and he can see your walls come back up right in front of him. A tear falls down your cheek and you’re quick to wipe it away, harshly. “Why?”

Steve throws his hands up in the air, exasperated but not raising his voice, “To be your friend! Just like Robin and Eddie are your friends.” His shoulders move up and down, trying to cover up how much he likes you and looks forward to your company. “Why are you so distrustful, is it something I did?”

“It’s not about you, Steve.” Your eyebrows meet in the middle again, and you look away from him, directing your gaze to the snow-covered lawn. “If… If it bothers you so much, why do you even want to be my friend? Because you’re wrong Steve. No one else does, and I’m more than fine with that.”

Steve shakes his head, knowing you’re lying to him and trying to convince yourself. His voice softens. “Because despite it, I like you, I think you’re… cool.”

“Cool?” The way you raise your eyebrows makes Steve chuckle.

Funny, caring, fucking beautiful, Steve wants to say but he just nods his head at your question.

“Yeah, and you’re interesting, and I… want to be your friend.” Steve’s hands settle on his hips as he shifts his weigh to one leg, looking down to the ground. Glancing at you briefly, he drops his voice to whisper your name. “Don’t leave. I’m not lying… that’s what worries you right?”

Steve assumes that’s where your distrust comes from; you told him it wasn’t something he did, then it must be that you’re scared to trust him. He’s known there are many feelings behind your hard exterior, one of them being fear. Steve doesn’t want you to fear him, and he wonders who broke your trust in the past. Silence settles between the two of you; you seem to be going over his words and Steve is giving you the time to do so. He’d wait an hour if necessary and reassure you a thousand times if it would mean you believe him. Steve panics when he sees you swallow hard and shift your eyes at the sky, the last thing he wanted to do was make you cry.

But you don’t cry. Instead, you take a deep breath and look into his eyes. There’s a vulnerability there that awakens an urge in Steve to hug you. “You promise?” Your voice is a whisper, but he hears you clear as day. You’ve never spoken so softly before, and Steve wishes it could have happened under other circumstances.

Steve looks into your eyes and nods with sincerity, hoping you can see he’s being completely honest with you. “Yes.”

“I do like you, Steve. You just scare me.” You look down at the ground for a moment and nod to yourself as Steve’s eyebrows shoot hop in surprise. A moment later, your eyes drift back to Steve and there are emotions dancing around in them he’s never seen before. “I’m sorry.”

Steve nods and something inside him tightens when you offer a small smile. It’s like something shifts between the two of you despite neither of you moving. In a matter of seconds, everything feels easy, natural, like the brief moment your shared at the party in October. Steve realizes it’s because you’ve let your guard down; you stand differently in front of him, more comfortable, less apprehensive. You scare me. “You wanna tell me why?”

You press your lips together and shake your head. “Another time, maybe?”

Steve tries to hold back a smile, but he can’t, it takes over his entire face. When he sees you shiver, he offers his hand. “Let’s go back inside, or I can drive you home if you want to leave.”

“I can stay a bit longer.” You say when you grab his hand –an electric shock goes up his arm. “I really want some pizza. But if they play Monopoly I’m definitely leaving.”

Steve’s laughter follows you as he leads the two of you back to the house.

--

The coffee cup Steve places in front of you at work the next Monday lands with a soft thud on the counter. It’s black coffee with some milk and sugar; the way Steve’s learned you take it every day. The sound and his presence make you look up at him over the top of your book, a doubtful eyebrow raised and a serious look on your face. Fuck your pretty, Steve thinks. Your eyes shift from the coffee to his face a couple of times before you close your book.

“What’s this?” You ask, leaning back on your seat and tilting your head.

Steve leans his elbows on the counter in front of you and tilts his head right back. “Considering you drink around 5 of these a day, one would think you’ll know what it is.”

“Ah, that’s where you’re mistaken. I actually drink 10.” You deadpan, looking at him with fake disappointment. “I thought you knew me, now that we’re friends and all.”

Steve laughs, looks down and shakes his head. When he looks at you again, there’s a half smile on your face. “Come on.” He says. “Let’s go grab some food.”

“I literally work at a deli, Steve.” You tell Steve seriously, motioning to your surroundings. “We’re surrounded by food.”

Steve copies what you just said with a roll of his eyes and smiles again. “I mean something else, babe. Come on.”

With a sigh you stand up from your seat and round the counter, leaving your apron behind. “You’re lucky I get a break in a couple of minutes.” You tell Steve before yelling over your shoulder. “Hank I’ll be back!”

Steve’s eyes light up and he considers his visit a triumph. He’s becoming surer and surer his feelings for you go beyond friendship and fondness and lean more towards: I want to hold your hand all the time, and cuddle you while we watch movies then forget about the movie and get lost on you. He wants to put his arm around your shoulder freely, have you lean your weigh against him and steal a kiss, probably more than one. No. It won’t ever happen so Steve shouldn’t even be thinking about it. He opens the passenger’s door to his car for you and smiles when you get in, your coffee in your hand.

It becomes a routine of sorts, either you visit him at Family Video bringing sandwiches for him and Robin or he picks you up, a coffee waiting for you in his car and drives you wherever feels right that day to eat your lunch. You talk about your day, or whatever gossip you heard that day. One day you even confessed to be scared about graduation.

“Everyone is so excited to finish school, and here I am so terrified about the future I haven’t opened any of my college application letters.” You muttered, picking at a loose thread on your sweater.

“Why are you scared?” Steve asked you and you swallow hard.

You turned your body on your seat, facing him as you shrugged. “I feel lost, I don’t know what I should major in. I also don’t know where I’d like to go, and I can't even research these colleges without panic settling on my chest.” Your eyebrows furrowed and your jaw got tense and Steve knew that meant you felt angry and this time it was at yourself.

Steve took your hand without a second thought, but you let him. “You know, you don’t have to figure it all out right now.”

“It feels like it.” You whispered looking at him, frustration and embarrassment shining in your eyes.  “Everyone else has it figured out.”

Steve shook his head; you shouldn’t feel embarrassed with him. “If there’s something I’ve learned about you, is that you don’t care about what other people are doing. What do you want?”

“I ask myself that question every day.” You mirrored his head shake and looked away. “Let’s talk about something else. Please?”

Steve was happy to change the subject, anything to cheer you up. By the time you go back to the Deli to continue your shift, he realized it was the first personal thing you’ve told him. Ever. It made him happier than he cared to admit.

-----

Two months after your talk in Nancy’s driveway, you invite Robin, Nancy, Eddie, Jonathan and Steve to your house. It’s the first time you’ve let anyone other than Robin into your home, this time for movie night. Your father and brother went back to Indianapolis to pick up other stuff from your old house, you said, it’s perfect timing. Steve and Robin arrive together, and shortly afterwards Eddie’s knocking on the door.

 Your house is cozy and simply decorated with a forest green comfy looking couch, a dark brown coffee table and a TV in the living room and all the basic stuff in both the dining room and kitchen.  There’s a record playing somewhere, and Steve can’t help the smile that comes to his face when he sees the way you’re mouthing the words as you move back and for the between the kitchen and living room bringing snacks, drinks and pizza for everyone. You’re wearing a cream-coloured sweater he recognizes from the party back in October and something funny happens in his stomach when he realizes just how far your friendship’s evolved since then.

“Babe come on take a break, we can help.” Steve stops you from going back to the kitchen with a hand on your shoulder and a fond look on his face.

You open your mouth to say something when Eddie and Robin appear on either side of you, presenting the movies they –surprisingly– were in charge to pick. “The best horror movies.” They say in unison.

Your eyebrows shoot up in surprise as you take the three VHS tapes from them. “Oh. Um, great! Thank you.” Your reaction hides behind the grin you shoot both, who nod and disappear to the kitchen.

“You’re pouting.” Steve says stepping closer to you again in the living room; your eyes that were fixed on the VHS tapes drift upwards to meet his own. Steve smiles.

“I’m not pouting.” You tell him with a roll of your eyes, lips settling back into a pout as you scan the titles of the movies once more. “These are just scary.”

“You’re still pouting.” Steve whispers, like it’s a secret. His eyes drift down to your lips, a mistake that has him swallowing hard, before the doorbell rings, signalling Johnathan and Nancy arrived. He’s quick to turn and go let them in. It’s a perfectly timed distraction. He shouldn’t think about kissing you, because despite no matter how badly he wants to, you’d never let it happen, or feel the same way he does to let it happen.  “Just saying!”

Once the first movie plays, Eddie and Robin settle on one end of the couch, while Nancy and Johnathan sit on the floor in front of them. Steve shoots Robin a I know what you’re doing look before sitting next to her and feeling the couch dip under your weigh when you settle on the empty seat next to him. A sweet floral scent he now recognizes as your shampoo or your perfume reaches him and Steve actively decides to focus on the movie, not the way he wants to pull you over his lap and breathe you in. Eddie and Robin laugh every now and then and the four of you turn to look at them, there’s nothing funny about the movie. You begin covering your face with the bucket of popcorn as the movie progresses, your face grimacing as the suspenseful music picks up.

Steve leans closer to you, his voice a whisper as he speaks. “It’s just special effects don’t worry about it.” You turn to look at him, worried puppy dog eyes gazing into him and dammit you make it so hard to keep his distance. “Trust me.” Steve winks, lightening the mood only to jump and scream when he turns to the movie once more and a jump scare comes on.

It seems like the perfect medicine for your fear. For you forget about it and lean your head back laughing, a full-on belly laugh, that’s so contagious and beautiful Steve laughs with you. Nancy and Robin share a knowing look he doesn’t notice before they shush the two of you, shoving at his elbow and your knee. You cover your mouth with your hand and your shoulders shake as you lean your head on Steve’s shoulder, turning your body towards his; Steve’s never been so happy to be scared in his life.

Everyone leaves after 3 movies. Robin gets a ride with Eddie, and Nancy leaves with Jonathan as well. Steve though, stays behind insisting on helping you clean up, but it’s a weak excuse to check on you before he leaves. He noticed you getting nervous, fidgeting with your hands anxiously when everyone started to leave. The films were long done, so Steve knows something else is worrying you and it doesn’t sit well in his heart to leave you like this. Which is why he is currently picking up trash in the living room while you do the same in the kitchen.

You’re finishing placing the dirty dishes in the sink when Steve enters the room. He noticed right away the way your shoulders hunch and you take a deep breath. “Steve��”

“You okay?” Steve closes the trash bag and moves to the sink. His eyes roam your face as he looks sideways at you and washes his hands.

“I um… I wanted to apologize to you.” You tell him quietly, passing him a kitchen towel before moving away from the sink. “For how closed-off I was when you met me.”

After drying his hands quickly, Steve turns and leans on the edge of the sink. “It’s okay, it’s not easy to trust new people right away.” He reassures you –it’s something he understands now; he understands you.

You sit on the counter opposite to him and stare at the floor for a bit, polka dot sock clad feet dangling in the air. “It’s more than that. I’m just scared of getting close to people since…”

“You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to.” Steve shakes his head, keeping his eyes on your face.

“I trust you, Steve.”

Those four words make Steve’s chest flutter –relief, happiness, nerves– but he pushes the feeling to the back of his mind and patiently waits for you to continue. Your lips are pursed as you stare at the floor, gathering your thoughts.

“My mom…” You swallow, getting chocked up with those to words but soldiering on. With a shake of your head, you look up to the ceiling and will your tears away. “My mom left my dad, brother and I last April. She’d been cheating on dad for years… and that’s not even the worst part.”

You wipe your eyes quickly, lips pulled downwards into a deep frown when you pause again –an upside-down U Steve wishes he could smooth out with his thumb. But he stays where he stands and lets you continue.

“The other man was married too” Your eyes find Steve’s and where there’s usually a spark –like that night at the party– there’s only sadness directed at the memory. “He’s the father of a popular kid at my old high school, so you can guess what happened when everyone found out.”

Steve’s mouths opens again and this time a soft no escapes him.

You press your lips together and nod, “So not only did the news wreck our home… they made life at school unbearable for my brother and I. People who I thought were my friends just threw me away as if I was trash for something I didn’t do. Something I had no fault in.”

“Is that why you moved here?” Steve asks softly, walking closer to you. The answer to the question he asked many months ago, right in front of him and it doesn’t make him feel any satisfaction. No, it hurts him to know this. Moving away from everything you’ve known and starting over again during senior year sounds brutal.

“Yes.” You whisper and close your eyes briefly; more tears fall down your cheeks and Steve’s heart aches. Teary eyes move away from his and fix themselves on the kitchen window instead, your lips are pressed so hard against each other they’re losing colour. “She packed her bags right after school the day we found out. We saw her leave with that man, no other explanation, not even a goodbye or a note. Everyone except my dad and my brother decided to leave me that day.”

A sob escapes you then, finally breaking free and shaking your whole body; another one replaces it once it stops. Your hands move from the counter to your face, covering it as cries continue to escape you in succession. Steve wastes no time and walks to stand in front of you; he hates seeing you in so much pain. God, it must have hurt so much, just being left behind like that. His hands move to your hips and gently urge you to hop off the counter before he wraps you up in his arms. His shoulders shake with the force of your sobs as you cling to him.

“Stevie.” Your hands are bunched up in the back of his polo, holding onto him like a lifeline.

Steve can’t even relish the sound of your calling him Stevie so softly. He swallows hard as he witnesses the pain, you have felt inside of you for so long. “I’m so sorry.” He whispers.

“She left us, Steve. She just disappeared and left us grieving her despite her being alive.” You say between your tears, they soak the right side of his shirt, but Steve couldn’t care less, his arms just tighten around your waist. “She’d been pushing us away for years, treating us like garbage and now I can see it’s because we weren’t good enough for her anymore. She didn’t love any of us anymore. We… we didn’t make her happy.”

Your voice sounds hoarse from crying, and your hands tighten behind Steve’s back. When you bury your face in his chest, Steve hunches his shoulders and forms a cocoon to protect you from the past. His protective nature takes over as he holds you flush against him; his hand moves up and down your back firmly –you need to know he’s there, that he’s got you. Steve puts his cheek over your head and whispers his next words. “I’ve got you; you can cry as much as you need to, I’m not going anywhere.”

It takes a few minutes, but your sobs soon transform into soft sniffles even as you press yourself closer to him. Steve doesn’t want to upset you anymore, but he’s itching to comfort you and let you know what he wishes someone had told him years ago. “I know my own shit experience with my parents isn’t the same as what you went through.” He starts, taking a small step back so he can look at you.

His fingers take a gentle hold of your face until puffy and teary eyes meet his; Steve wipes away some stray tears. “But what your mom did to you doesn’t say anything about you alright? You’re more than good enough for anyone. If she didn’t see that, then she made the worst mistake of her life.”

You close your eyes at his words and look away, but Steve shakes his head and urges you to face him again with a whisper of your name. “You don’t have to prove your worth to anyone because your mother left. All of us see it, and we’re so lucky to have you here.”

Steve’s thumb catches more tears as your lips begins to tremble again. “I’m so fucking lucky that you trust me, and I understand why you didn’t at first, okay? I understand you.”

Your hands on his waist tighten again as your forehead drops to his right shoulder. “I didn’t used to be like this… I’m sorry that this is the me that you met.”

Steve shakes his head, sure that you feel it when he does, and pulls you flush to his chest again. Is this how you’ve felt since last summer? He wonders. Like this version of yourself is wrong or unlikable.

Sure, you’re not a smiley person, but that makes your rare smiles even more special –and they drive Steve crazy. You see the glass half-empty most times to protect yourself if things do indeed go to shit, but you also recognize genuine goodness. You don’t hesitate to encourage or celebrate everyone else’s happiness; he’s seen it firsthand, with the kids, with Robin and even himself. Steve doesn’t think he could ever get tired of your dark humour or that pretty pout that settles on your lips when you get annoyed, not to mention that making you laugh is his favorite thing in the world. Steve understands your anxiety and panic at your college decision, you don’t want another change; you don’t want to choose something you don’t like and face another disappointment again. Most of all, Steve finally understands your hesitance and the root of your gruff exterior, and he wouldn’t change a thing about it. He’s stupid in love with you; your grumpy and soft looks; your frowns and your smiles; your heart; and that tender way you’re holding onto him right now.

Steve places a kiss to the side of your head to keep himself from saying all of this out loud –it’s not the right time, not yet. Instead, he whispers above your ear, “I wouldn’t change a single thing about you.”

For a moment, stillness surrounds the two of you in the kitchen and there’s no other sound but your quiet sniffles against Steve’s shirt again. Steve doesn’t mind, he’s happy to hold you for as long as you need, which ends up being five more minutes. You take a step back and look at him with those pretty eyes of yours; they’re teary and red-rimmed but lovely all the same.

“Thank you, Steve.” You whisper, a small smile tugging at the corner of your lips until your gaze drops to his shirt and embarrassment shines in your eyes. “Sorry I cried all over you.”

“I don’t mind.” Steve shrugs and looks at you softly, hands still on your waist. “I think I know what we should do.”

You look at him curiously. “About what?”

“To cheer you up.”

The head shake you give him is immediate, just as he imagined. “I don’t–”

“You deserve a happy life.” Steve states as if it’s the most obvious thing in the world and sends a wink your way hoping to amuse you. “And I think, ice cream is a good way to start. I should know, I worked at an ice cream shop remember.”

He leaves your side and walks over to the freezer to grab the ice cream he saw earlier that night when he got up mid-movie to get more ice. It’s cookie dough ice cream, which he knows to be your favourite –he’s known since that first night he met you. Knowing he’s completely serious now, your eyes stare into his eyes for a moment before you turn and grab two spoons from a kitchen drawer.

“I guess we’re having ice cream then. Considering you’re an expert.” You say with an eye roll Steve can only describe as fond when you approach him again. A moment later, you sit on the counter and Steve follows suit, sitting next to you. “Spoon?”

“Thank you.” Steve says and takes it from you after opening the ice cream tub. He offers the tub to you first, letting you scoop some ice cream with your spoon which you pop in your mouth. Your arms brush from how close you’re sitting, and Steve has to lean forward to look at you, but he doesn’t mind. He’s happy with the proximity.

A sigh escapes you and you close your eyes as you savour the ice cream. Steve feels heat creep up the back of his neck at the sound, but he shakes the feeling off; you’re only eating ice cream, to make you feel better. “You were right Harrington, this is like medicine.”

“Told you, I’m an expert.” Steve chuckles and eats his own spoonful, the creamy ice cream melting in his tongue before he laughs as you search for the cookie dough in the tub. “This is going to be just plain vanilla ice cream if you keep doing that.”

“Finders keepers.” You tell him with a shrug as you bring the cookie dough to your mouth. “It’s arguably the best part of this ice cream.”

“You’re supposed to eat the ice cream with it!” Steve argues, holding the tub away from your reach. “I want cookie dough too you know.”

You roll your eyes at him, but there’s a soft look on your face as you look at him and nod. The two of you go back to eating ice cream in silence until Steve speaks up again. There are so many things he wants to know about you still –he thinks he’ll always want to know more. “What’s something you miss from living in Indianapolis?”

You pause mid-scoop and concentrate for a few moments going over his question. A moment later a tiny smile makes its way to your lips. “There used to be a wonderful campsite my dad used to take my brother and I; we’d camp for three days and do all sort of activities.”

Steve smiles. “Like what?”

“Dad and Chris love fishing, so we’d do that. There was also hiking, swimming, s’mores. Oh! We’d all tell each other stories sitting next to the fire. They were all completely made up of course, and I think the more ridiculous they were, the more fun we had.”

Your eyes wander around the kitchen, like you’re back in the forest with your family and not next to Steve anymore. Light dances in your eyes and Steve can almost picture the three of you laughing around the fire as the catch of the day roasts on a grill nearby. He knows better than to ask about your mother, he’s got a pretty good idea what the answer would be. Besides, you’ve cried enough already, so much that Steve’s own heart feels bruised from seeing you in pain.

“You haven’t camped here in Hawkins?” Steve asks after a minute, voice quiet to avoid disturbing your memory.

You shake your head and sigh, the mirage in front of you disappearing as your eyes drift back to Steve’s. “Dad’s not the same person he was during those camping trips… he hasn’t scouted a good place for us to go. I don’t think he even wants to go camping anymore.”

Steve puts the ice cream tub on the counter and takes your hand instead. “Maybe we could go camping someday, invite everyone, have fun…”

Your head moves to rest on his shoulder, the dizzying smell of your shampoo and perfume reaching Steve’s nose at the proximity. He leans his cheek on top of your head and feels the faint nod you give him. “Maybe.”

A comfortable silence settles between the two of you, your hand still in Steve’s grasp. Until he gives it a squeeze that makes you jump, as if you forgot you were holding hands in the first place. Steve chuckles. “What?”

Your head leaves his shoulder in an instant and for a second Steve is sure you’re going to hide behind your walls again, like you did so many months ago. His fear though, is replaced with concern when you hop off the counter and check the time with a frown.

“Babe come on, what’s going on?” He hops off the counter and stands in front of you. His eyes search yours until finally your gaze meets his, your embarrassment clear in them.

“I just hate being home alone at night. It makes me anxious.” Your hands fidget in front of you, as if you’re waiting for Steve to laugh at you. Oh, so that’s why you were nervous earlier. “I can’t sleep. At all.”

He looks down at his watch and sees that it’s midnight already. “I don’t mind staying over.” Bringing his eyes back to yours, he speaks up again. “Would that make you feel better?”

You close your eyes and let out a shaky exhale before you nod. “A lot better.” When your eyes open again, they’re full of gratefulness and surprise, as if Steve wouldn’t do anything for you.

 A smile grows on Steve’s face, and he takes your hand before you can thank him, threading your fingers together as he speaks. “Come on, you’re probably tired.”

Steve, however, is everything but tired. His heart is racing at the thought of spending the night here with you. You’ve never spent so much time together in a day, he’s never seen your bedroom, and there’s something about this impromptu sleepover that makes heat creep up the back of his neck. No. He’s here to give you emotional support; you were so anxious earlier and there’s nothing he wants more than to see you happy and comfortable. If staying here, despite it sending his feelings into a frenzy, is the key for you to rest then so be it. He can stay for one night.

You don’t let go of his hand as you lead him upstairs, passing various pictures of you and your family that hang from the wall opposite the handrail. There are three bedrooms upstairs and yours is the last one down the hall, its view towards the backyard. You open the door a moment later and let go of his hand as you step inside. Now that he’s here, Steve remembers neither of you made sure the doors were locked downstairs. He should do that.

“I’m going to take a shower.” You tell him as you walk towards your dresser.

Steve nods and swallows hard, using the excuse of your safety to be downstairs while that happens. “We forgot to lock everything downstairs. I’ll go do that.”

“Oh, right.” You press your palm to your forehead; Steve can see you reprimand yourself. “Thank you, Steve.”

“No problem.” Steve is quick to shake his head as he takes a step back from the room. “I’ll be right back.”

Once Steve is back downstairs, he makes sure to check the windows and lock the front door. He fiddles with the light switches for a while before he finds the right ones and turns the lights off. The whole process takes him less than five minutes, and the shower is still running when he’s back in your room. With a deep breath he finally looks around, gazing through a metaphorical window into your world, which he surprisingly already knew a lot of. The pastel walls make him smile, and he walks along the furthermost wall where various posters have been hung –all bands and singers Robin and you have played in his car. There’s a small vanity by the closet next to the bathroom, full of tiny bottles and a couple of lip-gloss tubes. Steve also spots a purple bottle of perfume on top, and a grin makes its way to his face –that’s the one that drives him crazy, he’s sure of it. He’s about to move closer and look at the pictures you’ve pasted in the vanity’s mirror, but he’s startled to a stop when you speak.

“I left a shirt for you to sleep in, if you want it.” You say and Steve turns around.

His heart summersaults when he sees you, fresh dewy face, hair out of your face, an oversized grey t-shirt with a pink Queen logo on the front and pink cotton sleeping pants. The overhead light of the bathroom makes a small rectangle in the carpeted floor, and some steam from your shower still circles around behind you. It takes all Steve’s self-control to stay where he is and not walk up to you and pull you into his arms; no tears between you this time, just Steve holding you the way he wishes he could all the time. He looks at the t-shirt you left on your bed to distract himself and laughs when he notices the colour.

“How’d you guess I love pink?” Steve asks you, glancing your way as he walks towards the bed and holds up the t-shirt. It’s very oversized like yours, and it has a black and fuchsia print of Blondie’s lead singer on it.

“Dunno, just thought it would suit you.” you chuckle, and Steve sees you hold back a smile as you point towards the bathroom. “There’s a spare toothbrush on the sink.”

Steve nods and hurries to the bathroom, lest you notice him blushing. He finds the toothbrush instantly and proceeds to brush his teeth, and though he doesn’t know why, Steve feels extremely happy to know both of you use the same toothpaste. He glances around and looks at all the details that are entirely yours around the room. There are some facial creams on a shelf next to the mirror, a vanilla scented hand soap on the sink, and a look towards the shower shows him two purple and pink shampoo and conditioner bottles –the ones that make your hair smell like flowers. Steve rinses his mouth, then takes off his sweater and jeans before he puts on the pink t-shirt you gave him and, like a freak, smells it to find that somehow your scent still lingers in the soft cotton.

If he was panicking before, he’s panicking even more now. He’s obsessed with you, he realizes, stupidly head over the heels and all of this is making it worse; lying on a bed next to you will make it so much worse. He’s got to pull himself together. He’s doing this because of fear of being home alone, that’s all. He can sleep alongside you for a night without making a fool of himself –or worse, accidentally confess his feelings. So, pushing all bed related thoughts to the back of his mind, he walks out of the bathroom to find you already under your duvet in bed.

 Not letting himself think too much about it, Steve turns off the lamp on your nightstand and slips under the duvet too. He keeps his body still, tense more accurately, as he lies next to you. That is until you turn to face him, and he immediately does too, like a magnet naturally attracted to you.

“Do you ever fear that you’ll wake up one day and everyone you know will be gone?” you whisper in the dark; your voice is almost silent, but Steve hears you loud and clear with how close he is to you. The minty smell of your toothpaste mingles with his own breath. Is this how things are going to be between you now, deep conversations and secrets you only trust to each other? He really hopes so.

Steve shakes his head, trying to make out your face in the dark as his heart constricts in his chest. “No,” he says just as quietly, “But sometimes I’m afraid that something terrible will happen and I won’t be able to help.”

Steve closes his eyes and exhales through his nose as he voices one of his fears for the first time. He’s sure that everything that happened in the Upside Down that they managed to fix was thanks to the brains in his friend group. Steve is all physical strength, which has proved useful in the past, but against monsters or whatever the hell could come next, he’s not sure it will be enough. The thought of being useless like that and everyone suffering because of it terrifies him. Even more now that you’re a part of said friend group. He’s sure of one thing though, he’d protect you and all his friends no matter what.

Your hand slowly moves to his shoulder and gives it a squeeze. “Knowing you, Steve, I’m a thousand percent sure you’d find a way to help. Your stubbornness can be a good thing.”

A breathy chuckle leaves him as your words punch the air out of him. He’s silent for a moment, scrambling for something reassuring to say back. Words aren’t his forte, not unless he’s flirting. He’d rather pull you close to him and comfort you that way, the way he did in the kitchen. “You know… if we were to disappear for whatever reason, you can bet I’d fight my way to you. You won’t be alone.”

Steve sees you nod your head in the dark, his only sign that you haven’t fallen asleep yet. Your hand goes back to your side, in front of his before you stifle a yawn. Assuming your eyes are tired from all their crying, Steve moves his hand to cup your cheek gently.

“Go to sleep, you need to rest.” He whispers; he wants to give you more comfort, pull you close and rub your back until you fall asleep. He doesn’t because he can’t, that would make things weird.

“Thank you for staying with me.” You whisper back.

Remaining silent to avoid saying something that’d give away just how deep his feelings for you run, or the fact that the opportunity to be lying here next to you is something he should be thankful for, he only rubs his thumb softly on your cheek once more before letting go. With another yawn you turn around, your back facing Steve as you whisper goodnight.

Steve doesn’t know when he falls asleep, but he knows he sleeps more peacefully than he has in a while. Not that he doesn’t sleep well often, but most days his dreamless sleep is a result of the exhaustion of the day and not peacefulness. Last night though, there were no nightmares, no tossing and turning, just a distant dream of a campfire in the woods, fireflies, and a silhouette standing peacefully by the water. At some point, early in the morning, he finds himself waking to the light sneaking into the room from a small gap in the tulle curtains. His eyes that were too sleepy to open, blink awake at the awareness that you’re in his arms. Lovely floral scent and cozy softness pressed to him.

It seems that during the night, you’d shifted to your side and burrowed yourself on his chest, an arm around his waist and leg thrown over his hip. His left arm is around you, settled between your shoulder blades, holding you to him. He lifts it and checks his watch, barely 6am but Steve knows he should go. The last thing he wants is your father getting back home and finding him in your bed. Steve doesn’t know him and that’s not the first impression he’s looking for. Besides, there’s a pressing problem in his briefs, that has appeared from being tangled up with you, that he needs to hide in his jeans before you notice. Shifting his hips way from you he looks down at your sleeping face, brushing hair away from your face before he whispers your name.

“Hmm,” You frown, eyes still closed. “What?”

“You’re a cuddler,” Steve says as he smiles; it’s something that should surprise him, but it doesn’t. Not at all.

“I’m not.” You mumble and, contradicting yourself, press closer to him.   

“Yes, you are.” He chuckles, shifting his hips backwards again. “I have to go.”

You frown but move away from him, turning and facing away. “Why?”

Steve slips from bed and puts his jeans back on, adjust himself, before pulling his sweater over his head and on top of the pink t-shirt. Call him a lovestruck fool, but he’s not giving it back. “I don’t know when your dad’s gonna be back, I don’t want him to find a boy he doesn’t know in your bed.”

You chuckle, then yawn as you shift and sit up in bed. Steve stares at you longer than he should. His eyes take in your messy hair and your still puffy eyes from all your crying the night before. He smiles widely.

“I have drool on my face, don’t I?” You sigh, moving the back of your hand to the corner of your mouth.

Steve laughs and shakes his head. “No, you don’t; you look pretty that’s all.”

His words reward him with an eyeroll and a headshake before you stand up. “Come on, I’ll walk you out.”

You remain silent as the two of you walk side by side all the way down to the front door. Steve takes his car keys, and you move to open the door, but pause after a moment. Steve’s eyes look into yours as he wonders if there’s something wrong but when your eyes shift up to him, a small smile settles on your lips. Next thing Steve knows, your arms go around him in a hug.

He can’t help but sigh at the feeling and leaning his cheek on top of your head. “You okay?”

You nod and look up at him. “Thank you, Steve.” You say, stepping on the tip of your toes and pressing a kiss to his cheek.

“Don’t thank me.” Steve smiles, letting his arms fall to his sides as his heart skips several beats. “Wanna get a coffee later?”

Is he bribing you with caffeine just to see you again? Of course, he is. Steve is charming, and he has a lot of work to do if he wants to make a move soon.

“Only if I get to pay.” You raise an eyebrow but smile nonetheless, that rare big smile he loves.

Steve huffs and opens the door. “Sure, babe.” He says though he knows you don’t believe him.

He walks to his car when you nod –heart pounding– and smiles as he drives away. Your figure on the rear-view mirror watches him leave until he turns at the end of the driveway. Steve leans his elbow on the door, his hand settling over his mouth as he thinks about the events of last night and this morning. Hope fills his chest, and Steve feels like this is the beginning of something really good for both of you.

 ---

There’s a small shift in your dynamic after that late night conversation in your kitchen. It’s like almost as if it brought you both closer: like a barrier breaking between you and Steve. Steve knows he should take it slow, that he should better conceal his feelings to avoid scaring you off. But another part of Steve wants to throw caution to the wind because there’s been a change in you too. I trust you, Steve, you’d said, and it shows. In the way you sit closer to him, how you give away more pieces of your past and yourself when you talk. There’s less apprehension and more curiosity from both of you and Steve can’t help but fall and fall and fall. He only hopes it doesn’t end up with him crashing down painfully.

The two of you make a new habit of visiting a small the café on the weekends; you sitting sideways on the couch and Steve talking nonsense to make you laugh. It starts the day after the sleepover, and the two of you use it as time to catch up on the events of the week. It delights him; every Saturday, he wants nothing more than to lean close and kiss your smile, the one he never thought he’d be at the receiving end of. You have bad days too, days in which Steve knows you’ve been crying, days where all you want to do is sit in silence with him. Steve doesn’t mind, at all, in fact he loves all your mood equally and now that he knows the backstory of what you went through, he offers you the quiet reassurance of his presence next to you, so you know you’re not alone.

Weeks pass like this, until winter leaves and spring comes. Overnight, the breeze has no bite to it anymore, the flowers bloom again and you begin to wear the prettiest floral dresses that give Steve a whole new reason to be obsessed with you.

“You two are adorable; when are you going to tell her, dingus?”

Steve and Robin had stopped by the Deli to get something to eat during their lunch break while you were on your lunch break too. The three of you had spent the 30 minutes talking between bites of your own sandwiches until the moment Steve had to drive away and you had to go back to your shift. He hears Robins words but his eyes follow your retreating figure until you’re out of sight –his mind is begging him to find you and steal a kiss just so he doesn’t go crazy. Robin snaps her fingers in front of his face and laughs when Steve startles. He rolls his eyes and gets in the car while Robin asks him the same question again.

Steve rolls his eyes again, “Tell her what?”

“That you’re obsessed with her dummy!” Robin hits his arm, Steve sends her an annoyed look, “You love her come on, you have to tell her.”

“No, I can’t.” He’s been thinking about it more often now. Keeping it to himself has been almost impossible lately and he knows he should do it before he breaks.

“Yes, you can, and you have to.” Robin asserts, setting her converse on the dashboard. “She clearly feels the same way.”

“She doesn’t.” Steve’s answer is instant as he focuses on the road and getting back to FV, his fingers gripping the steering wheel so hard they turn white. It’s a half-lie, and they both know it.

“She does and you know it.” Out of the corner of his eye he sees Robin shake her head.  “The way she looks at you Steve… it’s unbearable to watch, coming from her.”

Steve knows it, he’s seen that change. He’s felt the pitter patter of his heart, the way his hands shake when you look at him like that, like he’s all you want. But Steve is a coward in denial, he doesn’t want to assume wrong and send you running away from him. But if Robin’s seen it… “You really think so?” He says as he parks his car and Robin nods enthusiastically.

“Duh!”

He nods to himself, “Okay... I can tell her tonight. We are hanging out at my place anyway.”

“I’ll make myself scarce, just say the word and I’ll disappear.” When Steve nods Robin cheers, opening the passenger door and stepping outside. “Don’t mess it up, Steve.”

“I’ll try.” Steve grips the steering wheel, trying to calm himself down.

Steve doesn’t get a chance to though, for that afternoon with greying clouds in the sky you show up at Family Video as soon as your shift at the Deli ends. Steve is about to go to the back and finish some inventory he has procrastinated all week when he sees you pacing in front of his car, arms crossed over your chest. His heart soars, then fills with dread –somethings wrong. He knows it right away which is why he rounds the counter and rushes outside in a heartbeat.

“Babe, what’re you doing here?” Steve says as soon as he opens the door. “It’s gonna rain come on, let’s go inside.”

But you shake your head and look at him with a look he can’t name. It’s a sad look, and it makes Steve panic; he panics even more when he sees your eyes are teary and red-rimmed. “Did something happen? At work or at home?”

“I love you.” You say, at the same time thunder cracks in the distance. Your trembling lips press together when Steve’s move to smile, and your headshake makes Steve pause. “But I don’t think we should see each other again.”

“What?” Steve’s question is a whisper, almost lost to another booming thunder. “Why would you say that? Did I do something?”

“No, Steve.” You sigh, voice shaky, looking everywhere but his eyes. Steve knows this tell though; you don’t want to be caught in a lie. “We just don’t fit–”

“No.” He says simply, shaking his head as he interrupts you. This is that night in the Wheeler’s driveway all over again, you trying to shut everyone out. His hands still shake slightly though, at your confession, your words afterwards, at the idea of losing you.

“Steve it won’t work.” You tell him, it cracks halfway with feeling, and you swallow hard before repeating yourself. “It would never work.”

“Yes it will, it’s us.” Steve tells you, shaking his head. He remembers how far you’ve come, how close the two of you have gotten. He should’ve have known it would scare you, after what happened with your family. “Of course it will! It has worked for months.”

“It won’t! It won’t work regardless of our feelings. Because I’m me! And you’re you –you’ll get sick of me and then leave. And it’ll hurt more than anything I’ve ever experienced.” You tell him, shaking your head and looking at him with reddening eyes. Both your arms are crossed over your chest, as if you’re physically protecting your heart from feeling what if feels for him. I love you, you said. Around you, the sky begins to open, bathing both of you with big droplets of water. “I told you before, you scare me because I’ve never felt this way before.”

Steve tries to take a step closer, but you take a step back; it makes him groan in frustration. “You can’t make that decision for me! How can you think I’d just leave you?”

“Because the person who I thought never would, LEFT.” You yell, eyes brimming with tears that roll down your cheeks. They mix with the raindrops that fall on both of you and Steve’s heart aches.

“Then she didn’t love you enough, not the way you deserve.” Steve places his hands on his hips, looking at the wet concrete underneath his shoes. His eyebrows meet in the middle as he swallows hard. He can’t put into words how angry it makes him that someone hurt you so much, that you’re scared of being happy again. “I thought you trusted me.”

“I do.” You tell him, hands falling to your sides. Your voice is so quiet that the rain falling around you almost drowns it out. “You know I do.”

“Then let me love you!” You’re stunned into silence by Steve’s words, confessed loudly in an outburst as he brings his hands to his hair. He meets your eyes and feels his own tear up; he really doesn’t want to lose you. “Let me prove to you that I love you like crazy, baby. Because I do, you have no idea how much.”

Your eyes squeeze shut and Steve knows you can see all of his feelings reflected on his face. “I don’t want to be heartbroken again Steve! Can’t you see you’re sunshine, and I–”

“Don’t say that.” He whispers and steps closer to you, holding both of your hands. The way you cling to them sparks a fire in his heart, keeps his hope alive. “I told you I wouldn’t change a thing about you, that I’d fight my way to you.”

You try to let go of him, but Steve only pulls you closer even as you look away from him, lip trembling. “You know my issues, especially after what happened last year.”

“I do know them, and I’m telling you now that I don’t plan on ever letting you go. This isn’t just a fling, and you know it.” His hands go to your face, holding it gently and looking into your eyes. Those beautiful eyes he’s seen tear up, the ones that crinkle in the corners when you laugh and turn steely when you’re mad. He wants to look at them forever.

You close them, bracing yourself, as the sky continues to fall all around you. Big drops of water hitting your skin and soaking your clothes every second that passes. “Even if I have bad days, or get exasperated with you, or I’m a grump?”

Steve smiles and shakes his head. If only you knew. “I love it when you’re a grump, I want to kiss your pout so badly every time.”

“I don’t pout,” You roll your eyes, but Steve can see you’re trying to hide your fear. He’s learned every little detail about you to memory, this is you trying to build a wall. Well then, Steve knows how to break them down.

“I promise,” Steve says, like he did that November night you fought outside in the cold. His nose brushes against yours as tenderly as he can, rainwater sliding down between your faces –his breath catches on his throat. “I love everything about you, everything baby, trust me. It’s you and me, that won’t change.”

You nod, trust shining in your eyes as a teary smile makes its way to your face when you let it free. It knocks the air out of Steve’s lungs. “Stevie, I love you.”

 He leans his forehead against yours, happy beyond words and because he’s not good with them he says, “I really want to kiss you.”

“Then kiss me,” You urge him.

Steve leans down, holding your face in his hands and lingering close as he braces himself for this; this moment he’s wished for so many times. He smiles, and thinks finally, before leaning in and kissing you. A noise dies in the back of his throat, his chest feels full of helium and his mind reels at the everything he’s feeling. It’s even better than he dreamed it would be. Your lips soft against his, your hands in his hair, the sigh that escapes you when one of his arms wraps around your waist and presses you flush against him. His skin is buzzing, his fingertips are tingling. So he kisses you until you’re both dizzy, brushing his tongue against yours, matching your intensity head-on. Everything is intoxicating, the sweet scent of your perfume, the softness under his hands, the way your face feels like it’s on fire as his hand remains cupping your cheek. Steve is so in love he could faint, so he breathes you in as he kisses your cheek, your jaw, your neck and just below your ear until the two of you pull back. Soaked in rain, without a care in the world.

“Does this mean you’re my boyfriend?” You ask him softly, stepping impossibly closer to him.

Steve smiles proudly, heart soaring. “Yes it does, I’m yours.”

“I want to kiss you again.” You confess after a minute, blinking away that raindrops that have gathered in your eyelashes and smiling at him. “But I’m cold.”

 Steve laughs when you frown and pulls you closer to him. “Yeah, we should probably get out of the rain.”

----

thank you for reading! reblogs are really appreciated and so is any feedback 💖

(I also wrote this tiny insight to grumpy reader’s feelings here )

[temporarywelcome]

A Bit of Lunch and Thievery - Spencer Reid

REQUESTED!

The Request: HI! I have a request: What if, kleptomaniac!reader has lunch with spencer at the BAU and keeps yapping loudly about her interests (or her job) and she keeps like taking things from his desk and he keeps slapping her hand away (perchance cameo of some amused BAU members?) -anonymous

CW: light swearing, a suggestive comment, klepto!reader, technically part of my "Smooth Criminal" series but each part can be read as standalone

AN: sorry I was gone for so long lmao lacrosse, school, and depression is rough. also does anyone else struggle writing fics when they're down bad for someone? anywayyyy-

_______

Words: 1.3k

It was a normal day at the BAU office. 

Well, obviously not a normal day considering they were even at the office and not on a jet across the country. The BAU was having a mysteriously mundane day full of filling out and organizing paperwork, so normal and boring that it was almost odd to them.

Of course, the peace had to end eventually. 

Spencer Reid’s phone rang, and he was fishing it out of his pocket immediately. The ringtone for this contact was different from the default ringtone that came with the device, different from the ringtone literally every other contact had. She had took the time to download the ringtone herself, stating he should always know when she was calling him because she was oh-so important.

Well, to him, she was. 

“Hello?” he said simply, leaning back in his chair. He could see Prentiss seated at her desk, JJ standing over her with a coffee complaining about some over-the-top thing her son, Henry, had done the night prior. 

“Hey, babe!” his girlfriend, Y/N, chirped on the other line. She was always so chipper, always so energetic. He was not. 

“You know I’m at work, right?” he deadpanned, though the corners of his lips curled ever so slightly. He could never be stone-faced when talking to her. 

She was used to his dry tone, not acknowledging it, “Why, yes, I do. Now let me in, I brought you lunch,”

Instantly, his eyes brightened, “Wait, you’re outside right now?”

“Mhm. Now let me in before the food gets cold.” 

Within the next six minutes and seventeen seconds, Spencer was back at his desk, but this time, with his lovely girlfriend seated next to him. He quietly ate the Spanish food she had bought as she spoke about her day. It was only 1 p.m., and he was sure she woke up extremely late, but, not to his surprise, she had a lot to say. A lot to say, despite the fact her day consisted of waking up and driving to get Spanish food and visiting him. 

“...yeah, I think we should get a dog,” Y/N said after explaining her run-in with a woman and her large doberman. Being herself, upon seeing the doberman running dead at her, instead of running away, Y/N had opened up her arms excitedly to hug the beast. 

She was lucky it was a nice doberman. 

“A dog?” Spencer’s brows furrowed as he contemplated the idea, “I don’t know…” 

“Well why not?” she pouted, and, not to his surprise, snatched the stapler from his desk. 

“Because I’m barely home,” he replied, gripping her wrist (a reflex at this point), other hand plucking the stapler from her and placing it back where it was before. “You’d be the one taking care of it the most, and that’s not fair.”

“Hmph,” her eyes darted to the stapler again then back to her rice, “I wouldn’t mind,”

Her hand reached for the stapler again and he gently slapped it, not even acknowledging it. See, his beautiful, wonderful girlfriend had her issues. Main issue being her diagnosed kleptomania, a condition that gave her uncontrollable urges to steal objects, no matter how useless and unneeded. 

Like the stapler which she kept eyeing. 

Upon his team finding out about her and her condition, they were all incredibly iffy on her, except Garcia, who was the one who uncovered everything anyway. One by one, Y/N was able to get the approval of each teammate, even Rossi, who had disliked her the most. 

He still didn’t trust her very much, but the rest of the team found her antics quite amusing. 

“Yes you would,” he told her, taking a sip of his drink, “You’d be fine with it for the first month or so, but then you would start getting annoyed with me and telling me I should be helping you take care of our son or daughter or whatever you would like to call it,”

Y/N paused, knowing he was 100% correct. Especially about the son or daughter part. “I think I’m more of a boy mom,” 

“Ignoring the point, I see,”

“Shut up,” she grumbled. 

“Hey, Reid, good afternoon Reid’s girl,” Morgan greeted with his usual smirk, a decent-sized stack of papers in hand, “Food looks good,”

“It is,” Spencer confirmed. Morgan plopped the papers down onto the genius’ desk. “Did you know there are over one hundred, twenty thousand varieties of rice- Y/N,” he slapped a hand down onto the stack of papers as Y/N went to snatch it up. “No,” 

“Sorry,” she grumbled, crossing her arms over her chest. 

“You are way too fun and entertaining to want to read those,” Morgan joked before deciding to leave back to his own desk. 

“Yeah…” she muttered, bringing her hand up to bite her thumb nail nervously, “Way too fun and enter….” she trailed off, Spencer picking up his pen in time before she could snag it. “Shit,” she placed her hands onto her lap, “Maybe I should go…”

“No no no,” Spencer took her hands into his own like he always did when she was getting her urges, “I’m happy you visited me. Stay a little longer,”

“I am a kleptomaniac in a federal building, this was a bad idea,” 

“It’s okay, it’s okay, that’s what I’m here for,” he gave her hands a gentle squeeze, “Don’t worry about it, I’ll make sure you don’t leave with anything,”

“A klepto dating a federal agent is so ironic,” she chuckled humorlessly, “How do you deal with me?”

“I don’t deal with you, I don’t tolerate you,” he replied, “Because you’re my girlfriend and I love you. I’m simply with you, because of the fact I love you,” 

“Don’t talk to me like that, I’ll fuck you,” she huffed, pulling her hands away while blushing red. 

“You did not just say that at my place of work,” he gasped, now blushing as well. He swiftly looked around to see if any of his coworkers were listening. He was sure every single one of them were, considering how nosy they were when it came to his relationship.

“Your fault, don’t talk to me like that,”

“Don’t talk sweetly to my girlfriend?” 

“Makes me all blushy and giggly,” she shrugged, beginning to smile as she looked away. 

“I’ll talk to you like one of your directors, I suppose,” Spencer teased gently. Y/N was an incredibly strong dancer, and had her experiences with rude and stress-inducing directors. 

She rolled her eyes and laughed, “I’ll kill myself,” Her eyes met his and she giggled softly, leaning in for a quick kiss, which he returned happily. 

“They’re so cute,” JJ told Prentiss fondly, taking a sip of her coffee, “They’re really good for each other,”

“They are,” Prentiss agreed with a nod and smile, “They’re the kind of people who you would least expect get together, but it just makes sense when they do,” 

At that moment, Hotch entered, a stressed look on his face. JJ and Prentiss exchanged looks, already thinking it was time to pack for a new case. 

Instead, he simply asked, “Has anyone seen my ID?”

Agent Aaron Hotchner? Losing his ID? Something so important, belonging to someone so aware and responsible? A completely out-of-character thing for him to do-

“Uh,” Y/N cleared her throat awkwardly, giving Spencer a knowing look. 

With a sigh, Spencer held out a hand, allowing her to drop Hotch’s ID into it.

[darkficsyouneveraskedfor]

Handle With Care 2

Warnings: non/dubcon, and other dark elements. My username actually says you never asked for any of this.

My warnings are not exhaustive but be aware this is a dark fic and may include potentially triggering topics. Please use your common sense when consuming content. I am not responsible for your decisions.

Characters: Bucky Barnes

Summary: your work blurs the lines between professional and personal.

Note: I’m on a Bucky kick and can’t stop myself.

As usual, I would appreciate any and all feedback. I’m happy to once more go on this adventure with all of you! Thank you in advance for your comments and for reblogging ❤️

Bucky sighs and shifts in the seat, trying to see past the clog of traffic. He sits back heavily, enough to jolt the entire car. You glance at him as you steer away from the bottle neck.

"We're not going in the front, are we?" He smooths his hair and furrows his brow.

"Not unless you want cameras in your face," you pull into an underground lot and roll down your window to swipe your card in the fee machine.

"Mm, exactly my point," he brushes his palms over his stubble. You can hear the bristle.

"Look, we're both just trying to get through this. For Wilson." You slowly roll through and look for a spot.

"He doesn't need me--"

"Stop saying that," you snip. "You wouldn't be here if that was true. I didn't exactly wake up thinking I'd be crawling through your window."

"No one asked you to."

You veer into a spot and slam on the brake. "Actually, Barnes, he asked me to. That's why I did it, so let's cut the lone wolf schtick and grind our teeth through the pomp and ceremony."

He grumbles. You shift into park and kill the engine. You take a deep breath and search for your zen. He's undoing a lot of self-work right now. You undo your seat belt and get out. He mirrors you with reluctance.

"We'll circle around and head in through the rear," you shut the door and stomp in your heels, clasping your bag tightly as you check the time.

"Yes, Captain," he says sardonically.

"No, he's inside, waiting," you return.

He's quiet as he follows you. You don't fail to notice the looks he gets. You can't blame him for not appreciating prying eyes. Still, it's the least he can do for Sam. Just this once.

As you get around to the back doors, past the fervour and rush of attendees, he catches up to you. There's a man in a uniform keeping watch. You wave as you approach.

"Tito," you smile.

"Huh..." he squints at you as his burly arms tense in his jacket. "Oh, it's you? I didn't recognise you in that... thing."

You glance down at your dress, "special occasion."

"Mm, right."

"Come on, Tito, I got clearance," you argue.

"No one's in the back but personnel."

"I am personnel. Didn't I disarm that bomb way back--"

"Hmmm," he looks past you at Bucky. "Hey, it's you."

Bucky growls and shuffles closer.

"Look, my friend here is having a rough day. The front is a circus, please, Ti?"

"You still owe me that drink," he nibbles his lip.

You chuckle, "I got a flask--" You show him your clutch.

He laughs. "You know what I mean."

"I told ya I would. I'm a busy gal," you fend him off. "So, pretty please, Tito?"

He rolls his eyes and reaches for his belt. He scans his card and opens the door. You wobble through hurriedly and Bucky drags his feet. He follows you down the hall.

"You know a lot of people," he mutters.

"Some. My work takes me all around. Just like yours."

"Sure," he sniffs.

You slow as you hear noise. You'd rather not make a whole round of small talk. You grab Bucky's sleeve and drag him down a long hall.

"Where are we going?"

"Stage door. We can sneak down the stairs," you explain.

"Won't someone be watching?"

"Sure, and I'll get us through," you assure him. "Just like I've done everything else."

He sucks his teeth, "you're mad."

"I'm not mad, Barnes," you let him go. "Trust me, you would know if I was."

You meet another guard along the way. She stops you and asks for credentials. As you try to search out a suitable way past, she looks past you.

"Wait, oh, I know you," she points at Bucky, "no problem, go right through."

"Know me?" Bucky utters.

"The Winter Soldier," she bubbles. "Sure thing. Go on. Say hi to Cap for me."

He moves stiffly ahead of you and you follow. His metal fingers fidget at his side. You can tell he's uncomfortable. Hell, you are too.

You come out through the stage door and quickly snake around the distracted honorees and presenters, the crew scurrying around like ants in a hill. You get Bucky down the stairs and find the seats reserved for you. 'Guest of S. Wilson.' You sit and he does too.

He sets his feet wide and rests his hands on his thighs. His fingers rub up and down the fabric restlessly. You put your phone on silent and put it in your clutch. You wiggle in the stiff seat and crane to see the doors as guests slowly trickle in.

You peek at Bucky. His jaw is squared, his eyes are unfocused, he stares at the curtains over the stage. You know it's a lot for him. You realise that he's not doing this on purpose.

People line the seats behind you and around you. Their voices break the tenuous calm. You greet a few that are familiar but otherwise bide your time.

When at last the ceremony begins and the lights dim for the brighter ones over the stage, Bucky coughs and you can feel him jittering. His leg is bouncing and he's picking at the edge of his jacket. The host goes through their whole intro as his fidgeting intensifies. The sudden blast of horns makes him jump.

You reach over and put your hand on his. He locks up and squeezes your fingers, so tight he might crack your knuckles. You lean against him gently.

"Barnes, you're doing good," you say.

He doesn't respond. You don't expect him to. He's entirely still. You know he's not there anymore. You bring your other hand over his and rub his knuckles. You'll get him through this just like Lagos.

[unsolvedjarin]

COMPLICATED — prologue

pairing: (fernando alonso x driver!reader) (grid x platonic!reader) — mostly older!grid

summary: you and fernando were known to be the biggest rivals on and off track back in 2012. that rivalry even crossed the line to pure hatred many years ago. but how did that hatred turn you two into the loving iconic couple of f1 you are today?

note: i’ve been dying to write this for AGES. it’s the fic that’s the reason i made this blog. keep in mind however this is just the prologue, so i’m simply setting up the story for where i want it to go. after this mostly social media chapter it gets plot heavy. anyways i hope you enjoy this!!!

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tagged: fernandoalo_oficial, aussiegrit, jensonbutton, sebastianvettel, lewishamilton

yourusername beach day with my boys! had so much fun pretending to know what i’m doing while surfing (do NOT trust mark when he says he’ll teach you how to surf. he’s horrible.)

view comments

aussiegrit you falling off the board 272872 times was of your own accord, don’t blame the teacher!

jensonbutton mate you fell off your OWN board 272872 times, i think when it gets to that it’s the teacher’s fault

yourusername get his ass again for me jense

fernandoalo_oficial looking great amor! 🥰

yourusername thanks to my amazing photographer 🫶

jensonbutton what about the pictures i took?

yourusername they were definitely pictures!

fernandoalo_oficial posted a new story

—2012

This was not Fernando Alonso’s year. Losing the World Championship by 3 points was not good on his ego nor on his morale, yet here he was.

Everyone was celebrating Sebastian now for having won his 3rd World Championship– but Fernando was angry. Not at Sebastian, but at you. 

You who had gotten first place. 

You who was third in the Drivers Championship and had no chance to pass Fernando on the standings, yet still overtook him during the last two laps. You couldn’t even let him win.

“Good race Nando,” he heard a voice in front of him say. He paid no attention to it.

Getting no reply from him, you scoff and put down your water bottle. “I know you’re mad at me for getting first, but at least have some sportsmanship.”

That gets him to look up and take a proper look at you, post race sweat and your race suit dangling at your hips. He thinks you glow look terrible in this light. Because he was sat on some stairs, you were standing over him, hands on hips with a slightly smug look on your face. 

“Don’t be a sore loser. It’s unbecoming.”

“I could have won the championship. I was three points away— three, and you could not even let me have that?” He gestures wildly. “I know you dislike me, but stealing my championship is far and beyond, L/N.”

He stands up, purposely hitting your shoulder as he walks past you. 

Oh the bastard. He wanted to throw out accusations? Fine. 

“Oh don’t be such a hypocrite. I stole your championship? What good would that even do me? I’m third in the standings, there was no way I was going to catch up to you,” you retort. Fernando was still facing away from you, but frozen on the spot. You knew he was listening. “I went faster because my contract with Mercedes expires this year. I’m losing my fucking seat, I need to prove to other teams I’m worth it. It’s bad enough you’re constantly fucking badmouthing my character to the press, and now you question my integrity as a driver? Honestly, Alonso, grow the fuck up. Not everything is about you.”

A silence befalls the room. Fernando doesn’t speak or do anything, and the seconds waiting for a response feels like minutes. He’s facing you at this point, speechless in his Ferrari race suit that looks fucking great on him. Too bad he’s a shitty person.

You sigh, exhausted. “Nothing?” 

He shakes his head and looks down. Of course. He’s got nothing to say. Resigning, this time you’re the one to walk past him and towards the door behind him. He tries to look at everything else in the room that wasn’t you, the walls, the stairs, the tables, but that wasn’t enough to avoid your exasperated look that he could see through his peripheral vision.

He should’ve done something, anything. Stop you from walking away, tell you he’s sorry, just something. But he didn’t do anything. That was his first mistake.

One of many.

—PRESENT

MAHK WEBBAH

once again asking if we can change the group name

JENSE

it’s correct though? But while we’re on the topic of the groupchat can we change the photo

YOURNAME

no

its beautiful whats wrong with you

JENSE

okay then we’re not changing the group name

MAHK WEBBAH has left world champs + mark

YOURNAME

give him a few minutes he’s having a temper tantrum because skysports labelled his name as “Sebastian Vettel’s former teammate”

SEBBY

IJBOL

NANDO

??????

JENSE

??????????

YOURNAME

where the fuck did you learn that

AUTHORS NOTE: i know some of these are ooc but i had too much fun making the fake tweets 😵‍💫 this is quite a plot heavy fic from here on out, so put on your reading glasses!

[ramp-it-up]

Peach VII

Peach VI | Peach VIII

Summary: Steven Grant Rogers is a mob boss trying to get clean. It’s definitely because he’s in love. With you. He's got you on his turf in NYC. Do you leave there single or a married woman?

Pairing: Art Dealer/Artist/Philanthopist (Mob Boss) Steve Rogers x Reader (Peach)

A/N: I have all of the words and none of the confidence. Oh I hope you like it. It may not be everyone's cup of tea. This is part one of the Valentine's weekend bundle. I hope you like it. Let me know my LOVEs! ❤️

This fic is connected to the Bucky Barnes Knock You Down AU, and DIRECTLY AFTER the events in Peach VI. Your interaction keeps me writing, so let me know if you like it by commenting and reblogging.

Warnings: 18+ Only, Minors DNI. SMUT. Read at your own risk. Steve Rogers is rich, bitches!, the big one bling, the event! stripping, pole dancing, lap dancing, sloppy blow job, is this Subby!Steve? woman on top, nipple play (m receiving), size kink, definite breeding kink, raw p in v, a lil bit of cum play. Family feeeelings, Bucky being Bucky, Steve being a simp, jealous bitches, almost catching a case at a gala.

Not Beta'd. All errors my own.

I don't have a taglist. Please follow @rampitupandread and turn on notifications to learn when I post! 😘

I Do NOT Consent to my work being reposted, translated or presented on any other blog or site other than by myself.

--------

“If you ask me, I’m ready…”

“Is that what you want?” Steve said as his hands gripped your waist.

You couldn't look away from his eyes which were deeply searching yours.

When you moved your hand to his chest, his heart thudded through the muscle and the bone to your fingertips.

You nodded and marveled at how far you both had come in such a short amount of time.

You were sure.

“I’m not going back on what I said, Steve. If you ask me, I’m ready.”

Steve couldn’t believe his luck.

“How much is that promise worth to you, Peach? Because when I make a promise, I keep it.”

His beautiful deep velvet voice had you swooning in his arms. 

“Everything. It’s worth everything, Steve.”

It was unthinkable what you were feeling. But it was oh so right.

Steve’s look was so serious for a moment and then he kissed you again. He flipped you over, torso pinning yours down, abs between your legs. You whined with need as he kissed you, tenderly, his fingers tracing your face.

Then he pulled away.

“Get dressed, Peach.”

“What?

“Get dressed. Pack up. You’re checking out of the hotel.'

You looked at him and cocked your eyebrow.

“Oh. Am I?”

Steve chuckled at your sass. It was so cute. Then he pulled you close and whispered in your ear.

“Yes. You are. Remember I said that I was going to give you what you need, when you need it?”

You shivered at the way Steve handled you.

“Yes, Mr. Rogers.”

“Well, I need you to trust me. And I need to ask you a question."

“Understood.”

Steve kneeled at the side of the bed, those eyes focused on you. He looked like a little boy.

And then he asked you a very grown up question.

The elevator doors slid open to reveal the corridor to Steve’s penthouse at the top of the Rebirth building. There were two doors on the entire hallway, both mirroring each other. 

Steve walked beside you to one of the entrances, his hand resting lightly at the small of your back, a touch both casual and possessive. 

Your mouth dropped open when the door opened on floor-to-ceiling windows framing the Manhattan skyline. 

The view went on forever.

"Jesus, Steve. This is… Beautiful!"

Your eyes shone as you turned in a circle to take in the room.

"Wait until you see the rest."

You were wandering now, your fingertips trailing over the sleek countertops, the rich leather of his couch, and the curated artwork lining the walls. Everything about the space was sophisticated, masculine, Steve.

You wondered how you could lend your touch.

Steve had gone into another room, his bedroom, you imagined, to put your things down. He came up behind you as you stared out of the window, wrapping his arms around you from behind. He kissed your neck as you leaned your head back on his chest.

“This place is… it’s amazing, Steve. I can’t believe we just did that.”

“More amazing now that you’re here. And you better believe it.”

“I have something for you…a wedding gift”

He reached into his pocket and pulled out a small velvet box, bringing it in front of you. 

The diamonds on your hand glittered and caught your eye as you reached to touch what was inside. It was a necklace with double diamond solitaires, one cushion cut and one pear shaped, nestled side by side on a thin, gleaming chain.

A moi et toi design.

To match your ring.

You blinked up at him, craning your neck to look him in the eye. He pecked you on the lips.

“Steve…”

He reached out, and plucked the necklace from the box. His fingers brushed the nape of your neck as he draped it around you.

“Moi et toi,” he murmured near your ear. “Me and you.”

You swallowed, your fingers rising to touch the stones on your skin as you gazed out on the city. 

“It’s beautiful.”

“Two stones side by side; one strengthens the other.” 

His thumb brushed over your collarbone, tracing the edge of the necklace. 

“That’s what we are. It’s what you do for me. Make me want to be a better man.”

You exhaled, your lips parting slightly as you turned around in his arms.

“Steve. You are a good man. You’re just doing things in a slightly unconventional way. You’re talking to the queen of unconventional. Remember where we met?”

There you were, being adorable again. The way you’d fought him up until this week made Steve stand in disbelief at how accepting you were of him. And how easily you’d run off with him to Connecticut tonight to become his wife. 

It was crazy, but it was so right.

“I do. I seem to recall meeting you in heaven, because all I remember thinking is ‘who is this angel?’”  

You rolled your eyes and laughed.

“You’ve been hanging around Bucky too long.”

Steve chuckled, tilting your chin up with a knuckle. He was happy.

“You’re right. But anyway, the necklace is for tomorrow, I mean the Gala tonight. Something to remind you that no matter who else is in the room... you’re my wife."

You swallowed at the octave drop in Steve’s voice and he traced your throat with his thumb as you did it. Steve gathered you to him, pressing his lips to your neck, his breath hot against your skin as he whispered into your ear.

“Come with me, there’s something else I want to show you. " 

He grabbed your hand and led you down a hallway. 

You followed until he stopped and turned to you with a mischievous grin. Then, he opened the door behind his back and backed in so he could watch your face.

Curious, you followed him inside. 

Then you froze. 

It was a good sized space. Mirrors lined one entire wall, reflecting the soft glow of LED track lighting. You stepped out on the wood floor and realized that it was made from premium materials.

But what really caught your attention was the sleek, stainless-steel pole standing tall in the center of the room. You turned slowly, meeting Steve's expectant gaze. 

"You have a dance studio?" 

"You have a dance studio," he corrected. 

"I arranged for it to be started while we were in Hilton Head and it was just finished yesterday. I wanted you to have a place to move. To feel free while you’re in Brooklyn."

You went to the pole and grabbed it and leaned out, checking it. It was sturdy and conditioned. You twirled a little and came to rest, the pole between the ass cheeks of your leggings. 

Steve’s look became hungry, and his cock jumped in his sweats. If he was thinking of sleep earlier, he was wide awake now. 

And some parts of him were more awake than others. 

“So… you had a dance studio built, for me, while we were in Hilton Head? Me, a woman who was threatening your life?”

The way you smiled at him made Steve’s heart flutter. He nodded and came close and tried to kiss you, but you twirled away from him to the other side of the pole. He flashed you a smile and your butterflies started up again.

“It was right after you threatened to shoot my balls off. I knew you had it bad.”

Steve sighed as if he was nostalgic for your death threats. You laughed as Steve grabbed for you again.

You scooted away from him.

“Don’t touch, Mr. Rogers,” you admonished as your finger wagged in front of those lips. 

Then you pointed, and Steve followed your hand as if mesmerized. He was the one who had it bad.

“Why don’t you sit down so I can test this thing out? Haven’t had a proper dance workout all week.”

Steve nodded and went to sit down on the chaise lounge in the corner of the room.

You stepped forward, and your pulse quickened as you held Steve’s gaze. He leaned back against the back of the chaise, arms crossed over his broad chest, and his t-shirt straining across his shoulders, biceps, and chest.

His blue eyes were focused with an intensity that sent a shiver through your body.

"Music?" you prompted. 

Steve smirked and tapped his phone. A pulsating beat filled the room, the bass vibrating beneath your feet, and causing your hips to sway. You didn’t have your heels and you were in loungewear, but one of those things was to your advantage.

You grabbed the hem of your sweatshirt, teasing a glimpse of your skin as you swayed to the music.

Steve’s eyes darkened and his breath visibly slowed.

You took your time, dragging the cotton up your body as you shimmied, baring the skin of your stomach, then your bra, then your collarbones as your head was hidden for half a second.

You winked when you emerged and you moved closer as you leaned over him and placed your garment on the lounge next to him.

Steve didn’t move. Didn’t blink. But his jaw clenched, and you didn’t miss the way his fingers flexed at his sides.

Then, you turned around, hooking your thumbs in the waistband of your leggings and looked over your shoulder to find him staring at your ass and licking his lips. Steve looked up at you, his blue eyes burning now as you smirked at him and peeled the black material down to reveal your flesh, in black lace, bent fully at the waist. 

Steve’s hands twitched for want of reaching out. He exhaled sharply, restraint hanging by a thread.

You straightened up slowly, twerking and slapping your own ass, holding a cheek so that he could see the lace-clothed split of you. You shot him a saucy wink as you stepped out of your clothing, pushing it aside with the tip of your toe before slowly running your hands down your body. 

You brought your hands up to your face, sliding them down your neck to your chest, then your sides, letting your fingers skim over your ribs, down your stomach, then back up, skirting along your bra and pulling your nipples through the fabric. 

Steve made a low sound in his throat, his control cracking.

It was just as he decided to reach out to touch you that you walked toward the pole on tip toes, the only way you knew how to do it. 

“No touching unless I give permission. That’s the rule in Peach’s Parlor.”

Steve cocked his head, grinning now.

“Peach’s Parlor? So you like it? You taking ownership of the place?”

He was proud that you seemed pleased. You smiled back at him in response, exhaling and letting the rhythm take you.

You started with a slow walk around the pole, each step deliberate, your hips swaying just enough to raise the temperature of his blood degree by degree. 

His smile dropped and his jaw tightened, but he didn’t move, his restraint evident in every rigid line of his body as his eyes followed your every move

You reached up, gripping the pole above your head, then lifted yourself effortlessly, letting momentum carry you into a slow spin. The world blurred for a moment, the mirrors reflecting your every movement as you let your legs extend, toes pointed, body fluid. 

The way you moved was unhurried, deliberate, and so alluring. Steve sighed and bent his head to the side, taking you in. Then he bit his lip, remembering how you felt earlier. You felt so fucking good, your sweet, hot pussy pulsing around him.

He was putting the cart before the horse, but he wanted to be your baby daddy so bad. He head was in the clouds as you hooked one leg around the pole, arching your back as you slid downward in a controlled descent, your body moving with the music, sensual and confident. 

The way your muscles flexed and relaxed, the roll of your hips was mesmerizingly beautiful. You were performing your art for Steve, moving for his pleasure. 

But you were in control. 

And it made Steve remember that this is what it was that made him fall for you in the first place. Damn, he wanted you, and even though you were only steps away, it was driving him crazy. 

When you reached the floor, you dropped to your knees, your thighs spread, fingers skimming down your skin as you stared at him.

Steve rubbed his hands on his pants to ease the itch of his fingers wanting to grasp you.

You stood and grabbed the pole once more, swinging around in another smooth, effortless climb. You wrapped your legs around the metal, suspended for a moment, before twisting into an elegant descent, your body brushing against the pole in a way that made Steve’s balls ache.

When you landed, you moved toward him on tiptoe again, all legs and glistening body, hips swaying, eyes locked onto his.

Steve only moved to put his hands on the back of the lounge, but other than that he was still.

In a graceful move, you straddled him carefully, knees on either side of his slim hips. You were close enough for him to feel your warmth, but were barely touching him. The heat coming from your core made him feral and his eyes were drawn downward to the source.

You felt a tremendous power, so you reached for his chin and tilted it up so he could look into your eyes. 

Steve almost got lost there, but when you whispered, “Good boy,” he forgot how to breathe.

He didn't know he liked that, but the fact that you'd guessed it made you even more perfect for him. 

He covered a whimper by clearing his throat, causing a secret smile to grace your lips as you slowly rolled your hips and arched your back, your tits barely grazing his chest. 

Steve's eyes were everywhere, watching everything, especially your nipples, which were so hard and beautiful through the lace.

He felt like if he could just to suck them for a minute, everything in the world would be alright.

A minute each. 

Maybe an hour.

Steve's breath was hot against your skin, but he still hadn’t touched you. His grip on the chaise tightened, his control hanging by a thread.

You ran your fingers down your body before leaning backward and grazing his thighs and it was just enough to plan out the pattern of his skeet along your skin.

He was sure, with practice, that he could spell out his name.

In one fluid movement, you turned around, pressing your back to his chest, and, lightly, so lightly, too lightly, ground against his rigid cock with slow, deliberate precision.

Steve felt delirious and close to expiring.

“Fuck, Peach… You trying to kill me?” Steve murmured, his voice low and rough. “We just got married.”

Married!

You looked over your shoulder at him and moved your lips close to his, smiling as you saw the muscles in his corded neck tense.  You leaned in, your lips hovering near his ear.

“You're so good for me Stevie… Such a good... big... boy.”

You twerked the last three words in his lap, causing him to exhale sharply and his hands to twitch. You arched, rolling your body against his again. 

And then.

Finally, finally, you let yourself sink into his lap, pressing fully against his cock. He could feel your moist pussy lips through layers of fabric.

And that’s when Steve’s restraint snapped.

His hands shot to your waist, gripping hard, his fingers digging into your skin. You leaned back and his lips found your shoulder, his breath uneven.

You smirked and turned around, dragging your nails lightly down his chest, feeling his heartbeat hammer beneath your touch.

Steve crashed his mouth to yours, swallowing your laughter in a kiss that was deep and desperate. His hands roamed your body, tracing lace, his need evident in every touch.

“My sweet Peach. Mrs. Rogers,” he growled against your skin, voice thick with hunger.

You reached up to run your fingers through his hair, tugging just enough to make his head tilt back.

“Yesss. Say Heyyyy, Mrs. Rogers…,” you teased.

One hand clasped his throat, squeezing his Adam's apple lightly as his blue eyes shone from his slitted lids. Steve's cock pulsed in his pants, then he took a ragged breath before he spoke.

“Heyyyyyy. Mrs. Rogers...”

You rolled your hips against his impressive bulge as Steve’s baritone rumbled in your ear. As you reached for the hem of his shirt, he kissed you, grabbing the collar to take it off.

You looked at Steve appreciatively as you bent and licked one erect nipple, then wrapped your lips around the tiny button, pulling it into your mouth and eliciting a small groan from him.

You took your time, enjoying his sounds which got louder and louder.

"Such a good boy making those pretty sounds for me, Stevie."

You licked, sucked and savored him as you alternated from one pec to the other.

“Wanna always be good for you, Peach...” 

Steve gritted it out as you grabbed him by the hair, pulling him into a filthy, long, deep kiss. He grabbed for you and held on as your mouth plundered his.

Then you pulled away.

“I have a question, Mr. Rogers,” you unclasped your bra, then leaned forward and stuffed your nipple into his mouth, moaning as he looked up at you with those clear blue eyes and sucked enthusiastically.

“How is it you married me, and I hadn’t even sucked your cock yet?”

Steve pulled off your tight, wet nipple with a plop and chuckled. Then he got serious.

“Must be true love.”

You felt his cock pound between your legs and knew what had to happen. His fingernails scratched your thighs trying to hold on to you as you moved back to stand.

When he saw that you were going to kneel, he quickly moved a pillow from the chaise for you to settle in front of him. He then lifted his hips from the couch and pulled down his sweats and boxers in one move.

His erection sprung out and you licked your lips, ready to finally feel the smooth skin in your mouth.

"Touch yourself for me, Stevie."

Steve took himself in hand and started stroking from base to head, thumb swiping the drops of precum in passing. His burning gaze was on you but your eyes were glued to what was in his fist. 

“Fuck that’s hot… Wan’ taste you,” you were whining now, feeling deprived. 

“Whatever you want,” Steve whispered in a strained voice after looking into those big, beautiful eyes.  

You ran your fingers over his thick dick all the way down to the heavy, tight balls. 

“So pretty…” 

You kept eye contact as you leaned in and gave him a long, wet lick from balls to head. Your tongue rolled over the soft skin of the large mushroom cap, taking in the dewey drops leaking from it.

You licked down the hard shaft, until you reached the base and ran your tongue over his large sac.

You began sucking on his tip, tonguing underneath, and humming around his head, causing Steve to murmur, “Fffeels so fucking good, Peach.”

He was carding his fingers through your hair as he said it.

Inspired, you took him as far as you could, until your lips were stretched to the limit and tears coursed down your face. You inhaled the musky scent of him in the hair at the base of his cock and looked back up to watch his contracting abs and heaving chest, his open mouth and those mesmerizing eyes. 

This was a fucking beautiful man.

Steve’s big hands gathered your hair and held it, just tight enough to send a zing to your clit. 

“Peachhhhh, that mouth is so fucking good.”

Steve was in love with how you sucked him off. He rolled his hips and found out just how snug your throat really was. When you pulled off, tears were rolling down your face.

He wiped your tears away with his thumb. 

"Y' look so fucking pretty like this, Peach.”

The way you took him all when you deep throated him again sent the cum crawling up his balls. 

“Fuckfuckfuck. Shit.”

You pulled off and released him with a filthy plop, watching as he desperately squeezed his cock at the base, trying to stop the impending explosion.

He reached out for you with his other hand and you climbed up onto his lap as he marveled at your messy hair, your bouncing tits, and fucked out expression.

“You’re a fucking goddess. Wanna cum down your throat, Peach, but don’t swallow our kids. Need ‘em inside you.”

The tip of his cock nudged your entrance, and you reached down and grabbed it, perfecting its position as you sank down on it loving the feeling as he stretched you out again.

You both watched in fascination as your pussy engulfed him preceded by the juices from your wet pussy. Steve’s hands grabbed onto your hips, and you wanted him to bruise you, to have a mark on you from this for days. 

Your head lolled back as you glided down on your husband’s thick cock. He lifted you by your waist and alternated fucking you up and down his dick and thrusting into you, hitting angles he hadn't before.

His grunts and your moans were beautiful music.

“Please look at me, Peach.”

His tone was reverent and you couldn't help but obey. The sounds you two were making sent you right to the edge of a precipice.

“Oh… right…there… right fucking there!”

You keened as you scratched the skin on his shoulders and biceps. 

“Fucking me so good, Stevie…So righttt. N-need you to keep hitting it like that…give it to me just like that. All your cum. Inside me.”

He was hitting those bundles of nerves just right.

“You need it like that hunh? I'll give it to you until it drips out of you... Need it dripping down my gotdamn balls....”

And he proceeded to fuck up into you perfectly. Your hands moved from his shoulders to his hair and you leaned in for a filthy kiss.

He gripped your throat and carefully squeezed to control your airflow. Your eyes began to roll and your cunt clenched down on him. Hard.

"Ffuckk, " He had to grit his teeth to keep from cumming. "Need you to fucking cum, Peach....."

“I- I’m close Stevieeee. Ahhh. Give it. Gonna have all your babies….”

Your pussy started clenching around him.

“Holy FUCK!”

Steve picked you up and placed you on the chaise, pulling your legs over his shoulders as he drilled into you. He slid a hand between you and rubbed your clit in soul-destroying circles.

“Drain these fucking balls...shhhhhitttttt!"

You clutched him close as you felt his cock start and continue to spurt hot cum inside you. As he softened, he sat back on his heels and spread your legs to watch his cum drip out of you. He trailed two fingertips down your sensitive slit and pushed it back inside you, all the while a sly grin on his face.

He caught your eye. 

“Can’t waste a drop.”

“You are filthy slut, Mr. Rogers.”

He laughed. 

“Only for you, Mrs. Rogers.” 

Steve grabbed his t-shirt to clean you both up a bit. Next thing you knew, you were being carried out of the studio and through to his master bedroom 

It was daylight when you were lightly snoring in his arms and Steve was grinning wide, his wife in his arms.

—

The next afternoon, you sat in front of the vanity in Bucky’s penthouse as the hired glam team worked around you and your cousin. The stylist meticulously worked with your hair while the makeup artist added the final sweep of highlighter across her cheekbones.

The two of you had been getting ready together for years, first as teenagers sneaking into her mother’s closet, and now as women preparing for an extravagant event in a high-rise overlooking Manhattan. But this afternoon was different.

Her eyes met yours in the mirror. You had just her the rundown of the day before, complete with the news that you and Steve were married. She’d been quiet for a while, but now it seemed she was ready to talk again.

“You’re really happy, aren’t you?” she asked, her voice soft but certain.

You blinked, then exhaled.

“Yes I am.”

“You and Steve are perfect for each other. "

She leaned over and grabbed your hand, grinning at you.

"This isn’t a race. I’m never gonna be jealous of you, girl.”

You grinned back.

“I’m pissed that I wasn’t able to be there, though.”

You sighed. Your one regret.

“I know. But it was perfect. Just the two of us. We’ll have a party later on, though. And tonight, we’ll celebrate.”

You turned thoughtful.

“The way Steve loves me should terrify me. But it doesn’t.”

She studied you for a moment. 

“Because?”

“Because when I’m with him, it makes sense. The way he looks at me, the way he is with me—it doesn’t feel rushed. It just feels… right.”

“Then that’s all that matters.”

Your cousin smiled, tilting her head as the hairstylist and makeup artist switched and her hair was being fussed over. 

“I know you think that I feel some kind of way, but I know you girl. I was shocked, but not surprised..”

She laughed and you shook your head.

“Running off and getting married is so you. It’s so Steve too when you think about it.”

You took a sip of the mimosa that Bucky had brought in earlier. You thought what was about to happen for your cousin.

“Real talk. Bucky adores you, Cousin. And I know you. And I’m getting to know Bucky. This engagement and wedding are going to be events. Events, I say. You wouldn’t have it any other way. .You’re about to get some bling to match that jewelry you got on tonight in Vermont next week.” 

You two laughed together, the mood lighter now. 

“You’re right,” she replied. I’m secure. It will happen. And just at the right time for us. And no matter what, Peach. You are never gonna lose me as your biggest fan, no matter what.”

“I love you.”

“Love you too, cousin.”

You hugged each other so hard, the stylists had to touch you back up.

As you finished up, the sound of deep voices and approaching footsteps echoed from the hallway. The door opened, and Bucky stepped in first, his navy tuxedo perfectly tailored, his gaze immediately softening when he saw your cousin. 

“Damn Frumoasă,” he murmured, taking her in with slow appreciation. 

“You’re making it real hard for me to let you out of this apartment tonight.”

She shot him a look.

“Smooth, Barnes,” she smirked at him. “Nice suit.”

“What? This old thing?”

Bucky smirked back as he took her hand and led her out of the room.

You rolled your eyes at them because you had the feeling they were being freaky, you just couldn’t prove it.

Steve walked in, ensconced in an impressively tailored dark tux, his presence commanding as always, but the moment his eyes landed on you, something in him shifted. 

You were wearing a short gold sequined gown that showcased your legs, and you felt like a princess. 

Like a wife.

His usual air of control wavered for a fraction of a second, his gaze dragging over you like he was memorizing every inch.

You arched that adorable brow at him, tilting your head. 

“No comment?”

Steve exhaled, stepping closer, his voice rough around the edges. 

“You already know, Mrs. Rogers.”

Bucky chuckled, clapping Steve on the shoulder. 

“Think you broke him, Peach. Congratulations, Mrs. Rogers.”

You grinned, gave Bucky a hug and reached for your clutch. 

Steve reached out, his fingers grazing your wrist as he murmured, “Hold on.”

You frowned slightly, watching as Bucky guided your cousin toward the door, leaving just the two of you in the room. Steve reached into his pocket, pulling out another small black velvet box.

Your breath caught, your heart skipping for just a second.

He popped the top, revealing a pair of dazzling double diamond drop earrings, the perfect complement to the moi et toi necklace resting against your collarbone and the ring on your finger. All you could do was look at them and then blink up at him.

“Steve…”

He smirked, clearly enjoying your reaction. 

“Thought you should match.”

You shook your head and laughed.

“You’re ridiculous, you know that?”

Steve lifted an earring, stepping close to help fasten it in place and his touch lingered.

“You say that now,” he murmured and then moved to the other side, his lips just a breath away from your skin.

“But you love it.”

You turned into his arms and looked into his eyes.

“You know if you keep giving me gifts like this, you’re going to spoil me.”

His eyes darkened, and his hand came to rest on your hip, fingers pressing into the fabric of your dress. 

“That’s the plan,” he murmured, voice low, “Mrs. Rogers.”

Bucky cleared his throat from the doorway, breaking the moment. He was leaning against the frame, smirking. 

“Hate to interrupt, but Nico’s waiting. Unless you two want to skip the gala entirely.”

You rolled your eyes at the dark headed man and flipped him off.

"You're going to get enough of watching us like a drama."

"Never. You two are my favorite romcom."

Steve exhaled through his nose, the ghost of a smirk on his lips as he kissed your neck, producing a shiver. Then, lacing his fingers with yours, he led you toward the door.

—

The way the night was going seemed like a dream, arriving on Steve’s arm and watching the reactions. Some were surprised, but most just commented that you were such a handsome couple and gave congratulations.

Sharon was clearly not happy, but fuck that bitch.

Steve hadn’t given her, or anyone else that matter, a second glance.

When the music started, Steve danced with you to all the tempos, even the Salsa when that genre was played. You had a time, and then you two went to the bar to get refreshments.

Sharon chose that moment to show her ass. You barely had a sip of your amaretto sour before she started on her bullshit.

“Steve,” she purred, looking up at him under her lashes and placing her hand on his forearm. 

“I feel like I haven’t seen you in forever.”

Steve tactfully removed his arm from her grasp while the fingers on his other hand reached for you and rested low on your back, his thumb stroking a slow, deliberate circle against the sequined fabric of your gown.

“It’s been two days, Sharon,” he replied, his tone clipped. And annoyed.

Your cousin and Bucky moved closer, probably because she clocked what was going on.

Sharon ignored Steve’s tone and turned to you. 

“And you must be the entertainment. Nice dress. Is it easy to take off?”

The words sounded sweet as honey, but you heard the venom underneath. 

“I guess congratulations are in order? I hear you two ran off and got married. I guess that's a choice. It’s probably refreshing, going from someone like Peggy to someone like…Peaches..”

“It’s Peach,” you replied. 

The bitch was silent.

Sharon’s gaze flicked to your ring, then your jewelry, then down the length of your gown. 

“Although you do wear luxury well. Tell me, how does it feel knowing it’s all borrowed? That he’s probably going to dump you tomorrow. Get an annulment and leave your ass in the gutter strip club where he found you.”

You could feel the heat of Steve’s fury at your side, his body tensing like he was about to snap.

Your mouth opened to reply, but your cousin stepped up, anger rolling off of her body.

“You know what’s really refreshing, Sharon? Watching a woman who wants to fuck around with me and my family and find out.”

She lowered her voice.

“And like a cable, we jump hoes.”

The air around you shifted, and a few party-goers slowed their conversations to listen.

Bucky stepped forward as Sharon’s jaw twitched into a twisted smile. Bucky whispered in your cousin's ear. She glared at him and started taking off her jewelry, handing her earrings to him. Bucky shook his head and pulled her to the side while she gave him the business.

“Oh, I didn’t mean that in a negative way.” Sharon simpered. “It’s just the truth.”

Sharon looked between you and Steve.

“You are nothing but negative. You don’t have to worry about my marriage. Or your endowment anymore, Sharon.”

Steve spoke to her, his eyes blazing blue.

You smiled at your man, then took a slow step forward, closing the space between you, lowering your voice just enough that only Sharon, and Steve, could hear.

“Do you think calling me a stripper is an insult?” 

Your voice was strong and steady.

“I own what I do. I’m damn good at what I do. And you?” 

You looked her up and down, eyebrow deadly.

“You’re standing here, burning because even with your family ties, and your desperate little designer dress, the only woman Steve wants is me. He married me.”

You leaned in even closer.

“The difference between us? I don’t have to chase him. I just have to walk into a room.” 

You smiled at her sweetly.

“And he follows.”

The moment the words left your lips, Steve did exactly that. 

As he left her in her feelings,  Steve tossed a comment over his shoulder.

“You just got your ass handed to you in front of half the room,” he mused. 

“I’d cut my losses and walk away.”

One of the staffers turned up at that moment. 

“This way, Ms. Carter. I’ll be escorting you out.”

The four of you watched as she turned red and huffed and puffed on her way out of the door. After everyone around you went back to minding their own business, your cousin hugged you hard.

“I love you. That was perfection.”

You hugged her back. 

“Thank you, Boo.”

You released her as Bucky handed her earrings back and Steve looked at you with admiration in his eyes. 

“You handled that well.”

You smirked. “I know.”

Steve pulled you into his arms and kissed your forehead, not bothering to lower his voice when he said, “I’ll remind you how much I love that later.”

Your cousin groaned dramatically.

 “You two are disgustingly perfect for each other.”

Bucky grabbed a bottle of Moet from the table display.

“A toast. To Mr. and Mrs. Steve Rogers!”

Your husband looked at you with a smile. You don’t know what was coming your way as Steve's wife, but you knew it wouldn’t be boring.

[jnnul]

nouvelle vague

a/n: i've been in a fever dream writing this fic, honestly. i kinda just needed to write it. it means so much to me that i did though because it's something that i wish that i had learned earlier and i just love this fic so much please love her like i have. and a huge HUGE thank you to xixi and soph for beta reading! couldn't have made this fic possible without you <3 quick note: feedback, comments, etc. GREATLY encourage writers! if you felt any sort of way (in a good or bad way!) about this fic, pls leave feedback!

word count: 13.3k

tags: college au!, confusing love, y/n who can't get her life together, self-destructive mc x perfect donghyun with a sprinkle of best boy dongmin, so many good friends and so many lessons to be learned

warnings: explicit detail of sex (oral, foreplay, angry sex, unprotected sex...) underage drinking, and general college shenanigans! also heavy detailing of unhealthy relationships with stress, and academic pressures :(

playlist: nouvelle vague - wave to earth, fairy of shampoo - dosii, she - jannabi, 0310 - yerin baek

THERE WERE LOTS OF THINGS THAT YOU KNEW NOT TO DO.

don't leave the gas on, don't let sanghyeok lee cook anything, and don't get into pointless arguments with dongmin han that he gets overly competitive about winning.

"...which is why you've got to trust me when i say that mbti is a science that you can actually trust!"

"i don't know, min, i just think mbti is stupid. it's a pseudoscience at best, and that too is a complete overstatement," you say off-handedly, more preoccupied with finding the book you needed to write your essay on. dongmin scoffs, pressing a steepled hand to his chest in offense as he pulls down the book you were look for with the other.

"that sounds like something an intj would say," he counters, withholding the book from you. you stare at him unimpressed, arms folded over your chest.

"it sounds like something a logical person would say," you retort, waiting for him to relent and return your book. this behavior (much to your dismay) was nothing new and you knew your best friend well enough to just wait out his tantrums for you to be able to move on with your life.

dongmin looks at you expectantly and you sigh, hanging your head. "alright, alright, i'm not a logical person; i've just got a stick up my ass. are you happy now?"

your best friend harrumphs proudly and touches the book to both of your shoulders, as though he were knighting you. you roll your eyes and snatch the book from him, hugging it close to your chest for fear that he might steal it from you again.

"maybe if you actually had a stick up your ass once in a while, you wouldn't be such a killjoy all the time," dongmin snorts, narrowly dodging you when you wind up to smack him with the book (read: weapon) in your hand.

"alright so now since i haven't had sex in a while, i'm a killjoy?" you say as the both of you make your way back to the study room that you'd reserved in hopes that you'd actually get some work done today. although, you should've been wise enough to give up on such nonsensical ideas the moment dongmin texted/warned you that he would be gracing you with his presence.

"i still can't believe you won't tell me who you had sex with last. and besides, i don't think you're a killjoy," dongmin clarifies, opening the door for you to walk through. "but everyone else does."

"because i'm voluntarily celibate?"

"because you never go out anymore! you used to be so much fun, y/n. you used to be the girl that would have crazy stories from when she would party until five in the morning. the one who'd have boy after boy lining up in front of her door just to see if they would get a chance with you. not to mention the fact that you used be able to drink us all to shame. i still think you're an awesome and fun person without doing any of those things but i miss you sometimes, you know? i just can't help but wonder where that girl went and that's why everyone else can't understand why a person like you and i can be best friends when they see us now. because they don't know what you used to be like."

you sigh, tucking your hood over your shoulder as you begin to analyze the work in front of you.

"i didn't go anywhere, min and you know that. i don't care what other people think as long as my best friend knows the truth. and besides, that lifestyle was never going to be a sustainable one. i just decided that i wanted more out of life than just parties and bad grades," you explain patiently, eyes never leaving the neatly organized papers in front of you.

dongmin huffs and leans backwards into the booth, but he knows it's the truth. while he'd become friends with you because of your rambunctious and adventurous spirit back in freshman year, he'd chosen to remain best friends with you even later on because you were a good person - an ambitious person who wanted to make something out of their life.

"you can have both, you know," he mumbles and you smile gently at him before looking back down at your book.

"i know. you can have both because you were smart and made sure your grades never slipped. i didn't do that and now i'm paying the price," you remind him, and you can sense dongmin's protest about your self-deprecating statement bubbling up but he's interrupted when the study room door opens and a series of people begin to file in.

"hey, so sorry to have to kick you out but we have the room reser - wait. dongmin? what are you doing in a study room, man?" one of the men who'd walked in says.

you don't pay attention to the people walking in as you begin to gather your materials, leaving the socializing to your much more extroverted best friend. you check your watch, cursing under your breath when you realize that you'd spent too much time looking for the book and dongmin’s antics. you were supposed to switch from this study room to the one next door, because that one was available for a long period of time but only opened up right as the current one was going to be occupied.

"eh, i just came to bother y/n," dongmin says with a bored tone that everyone in the room knows is a front. "what are you guys doing here? don't you have a musty basement to throw a rager in?"

this leads all of the men and women who walked in to snicker, pointing at the poor soul who'd decided to take it up with dongmin today.

"you're basically in the frat too," the man protests and you finally register him to be jeongwoo park, one of dongmin's heaps of friends in the tsr frat.

"yeah but you have to pay to drink your own alcohol with your own dues," dongmin points out, snickering at jeongwoo. "i drink your alcohol for free."

"i say we ban this kid from our parties," another voice, hyunwoo kim pipes up, and a chorus of 'yeah's' and 'shut up jeongwoo' rise up simultaneously from both sides of the conversation. you fail to keep in your giggle as you watch dongmin get banned from the tsr frat in realtime (that you know he's going to charm his way out of somehow anyway), causing some of the people to turn their attention to you.

"y/n! how are you babe? it feels like it's been a century since we've last seen you!" one of the girls, jihyo han, says warmly and you give her a shy smile.

"i'm doing alright. swamped with projects," you say, lifting your arms up to showcase the number of books and papers you were balancing and doyeon coos sympathetically.

"that's what double majoring in english literature and architecture does to you but the woman doesn't listen to me," dongmin says, jostling you jestfully. you turn to chide him for pushing you when you accidentally lose grip of all of your work, causing it to tumble to the ground in what feels like slow-motion into heaps of unorganized messes.

"dongmin!" you hear hyunwoo scold as you swoop down to gather everything into your arms once more. another figure joins you on the ground, scooping papers into a neat stack with nimble fingers and strong arms. you look up to make eye contact with donghyun kim, immediately averting your eyes when you do, afraid of what he might find in them if he kept looking at you for too long.

"thanks," you mumble when donghyun hands you the papers he's collected and he just offers you a soft smile.

"it does feel like it's been a while since we've seen you around, y/n. even sanghyeok complains that he hasn't seen you at their place lately," donghyun says gently and you're left to shrug helplessly as you adjust to grasp at the stray pages more carefully.

"ah. yeah. i haven't really gone over to dongmin and sanghyeok's place lately because i've been in the library most of the time," you say and donghyun nods, silent as he watches you with that knowing gaze that sets your every nerve on fire.

sometimes, you wonder if donghyun knows how much of an impact he has on those around him just by the way he looks at them.

you don't have feelings for donghyun - at least no feelings worth discussing with anyone and none that you were ever willing to recall - but you're sure that pretty any one with a pair of eyes and a functioning heart could acknowledge just how attractive he was.

you were almost 99.99% sure that even if what had happened between you and donghyun hadn't happened, anyone's heart would skip at least once when they talked to him.

"i'm gonna go to the other study room," you announce hurriedly to no one in particular and dongmin takes it as his cue to bid his friends farewell as the two of you make your way to the study room.

"feel free to come to our room if it gets too loud or crowded in here!" dongmin yells over his shoulder, much to your dismay and to the chagrin of the librarian sitting at her desk a few yards away.

"sorry!" he exclaims, equally as loud, and the librarian just rolls her eyes with a forgiving smirk tugging at her lips. of course dongmin had managed to charm her too. you'd be surprised if your best friend left anyone with two legs and a heartbeat on this campus without at least an attempt to get into their pants.

or vice versa. mostly vice versa.

"oh that reminds me. sanghyeok asked me if you wanted to come to movie night this friday. you've skipped out on the last three because of work and exams but you're finally gonna be submitting all the big ones by this thursday so i don't want to hear any excuses on why you can't come to movie night. alright? alright. besides, all of the guys from our - your freshman year are gonna be there. and also, sanghyeok is gonna bring his girlfriend too so you won't be the only girl," dongmin says, his words firing out of his mouth in rapid succession.

you just nod in understanding, knowing that this shouldn't be the hill that you died on when it came to dongmin's antics.

"and i also may or may not have promised that you'd come to jaehyun's party on saturday," dongmin adds sheepishly and this finally catches your attention.

"movie night is one thing but a party is another thing, dongmin! is it a frat party or a clubbing type event? how long is the event? do you need me to send a present for him or something? isn't it his birthday soon?" you interrogate and dongmin just throws a pencil at you and puts his index finger to his lips to shush you.

"woman, do you ever shut up?" he sasses, immediately raising his hands in surrender when your eyebrows lift so high, they disappear into your hairline. "what i mean is, jaehyun said that he would give me the number of that cute girl from your structural design class that you won't give me if you come to his party."

"how does he know her? and what does that have to do with my attendance at his party?" you ask and dongmin shrugs, leaning over the table.

"it's jaehyun. he knows everything about everyone," dongmin reminds you and you have to concede to that. "and i'm not kidding when i say that people miss you y/n. you're still that fun person when you're away from your work and people haven't seen that side of you in so long. you've gotta oblige jaehyun on his birthday, don't you think?"

"...i'll think about it," you say with a sigh after a few beats of contemplation. "as long it's not a 'rager in a musty basement' like jeongwoo's parties."

dongmin lifts three fingers solemnly. "scout's honor. it's not going to be a rager in a musty basement. now please. finish your work! i'm hungry and sanghyeok promised ramen from the ramen bar."

+++

to dongmin's credit, the movie night was actually a breath of fresh air from your constant cycle of work, school, and stress. sanghyeok's girlfriend, jayoon sim, was the sweetest girl you'd ever met in your life, back when you'd met her at the beginning of the year. she was very similar to sanghyeok in the fact that she was outgoing and on the louder side but it was heartwarming to see sanghyeok start to mellow out to balance her spark.

it wasn't as though sanghyeok was toning down his personality for her - if anything, the two of them were even more chaotic together - but he seemed to like riding the backseat of the conversation more often as jayoon went on some tangent or another of the plot of the movie.

which led to lots of moments where the movie was paused by one of the five boys present at movie night (more often than not, it was sungho park, who was more intrigued by jayoon's tangents than the movie itself) and lots of popcorn being eaten in those breaks.

and that was how you found yourself standing in sanghyeok's kitchen, popping another bag of popcorn - the fourth bag in the past hour. sanghyeok had offered but you knew from personal experience that sanghyeok plus any form of cooking equals fire.

you personally thought it was a talent to be that talentless at cooking but dongmin, sanghyeok's roommate and the unfortunate soul who had to put out said fires, was not nearly as amused as you were.

"do you need any help?" you hear a voice ask behind you. you turn to make eye contact with donghyun, standing in the space that separated the kitchen from the foyer where you could faintly hear jaehyun myung and dongmin get into yet another argument about the logistics of whether or not batman could feasibly buy the mona lisa.

"it's just popping a bag of popcorn," you answer. donghyun laughs, taking another step forward into the kitchen.

"and yet sanghyeok manages to destroy the bag and the popcorn every single time," donghyun reminds you and you shrug, slipping your phone into your pocket.

"it's hard to do. you have to give him that," you admit and he laughs again, shaking his head.

"touché."

there's a blanket of silence that falls over the conversation, the argument in the other room providing background noise so it doesn't grow awkward.

you knew donghyun wasn't much of a talker but at this point, you just didn't know what to say to him anymore. he wasn't a stranger to you - he was close to dongmin, and prior to that, you had been pretty close to the five boys. they'd been the boys that you'd gone out with most of the time during the second half of freshman year and the beginning of sophomore year.

donghyun had seen you in a number of embarrassing situations; granted, most of them were while you were blackout drunk, but the number of times that you were in asaid state during the first half of your college education was embarrassing enough.

and he'd seen you...he'd seen all of you. he'd seen too much of yourself and it made you want to stuff yourself deep underground so you could escape his knowing gaze.

so while donghyun kim was no stranger to you, this new version of you was a stranger to him.

it was an odd feeling: having the knowledge of a shared past that neither of you could fully relate to any longer, and having mentalities that extended in distinctly different directions in the present.

donghyun was the prime example of being able to have it all. from what you knew about him from the past three years of tentatively close friendship, you knew that he was a strong academic who would skip out on a party here and there to make sure he could study the next morning but could be convinced into having a good time pretty much anywhere.

you've heard of a good many adventures from dongmin just this year about how the five of them had found themselves in abandoned malls or parties at the college neighboring yours, which was infamous for its ability to throw a rager for pretty much any reason.

if anything, the strongest feeling that you felt towards donghyun kim was sheer, unadulterated, pure jealousy. how could one person be so well-balanced while it felt like you were fighting an uphill battle everyday just to get everything done?

that jealousy was what had landed you in the situation you were in now: filled to the brim with stress and ready to pop at any moment. it was also that envy which had led to that mistake at the beginning of sophomore year between you and donghyun.

"y/n? are you okay?" donghyun asks, waving a hand in front of your face. you blink, turning belatedly to open the microwave door, only to see that donghyun had already done it for you.

"sorry. i spaced out for a second," you mumble, and busy yourself by searching for a new bowl, seeing as the one in the foyer was still somewhat filled with popcorn.

"you really need to take breaks more often, y/n. i feel like the stress of constantly being on the go is getting you," donghyun echoes from behind you and for some reason, the concern in his voice makes you ashamed and angry more than anything else.

easy for you to say donghyun, you want to say. everything comes easy to you. you didn't fuck up like i did. you don't have to fight everyday to make sure that you actually have a future worth living for because you weren't young and stupid.

but all you actually say is, "yeah, you're definitely right."

you avoid donghyun's heavy gaze as you pour the popcorn into the bowl, silently willing him to go back to the foyer so you could simmer in your embarrassment in peace but to your dismay, he doesn't leave.

"you're incredibly intelligent and hard-working. but if you don't give yourself a break sometimes, you're just going to burn out. i wish you'd come back to us sometimes. you can't ruin your present for your future," he says softly, and suddenly everything is just too much.

his words strike a chord in your mind somewhere and you can feel your strong front start to crumble.

you want to yell at him, scream that he had no right to tell you how to live your life and that you were going to lay in the pile of sins that you'd committed. but for some reason, all you can do is try and fight back tears.

it makes you feel so incredibly embarrassed that you'd worked so hard for the past two years to ensure that you'd never slip up. that your mistakes from freshman year and the first half of sophomore year wouldn't catch up to you.

you'd worked on yourself, working on controlling your lust for going out and having fun. on not getting affected by when people would ask you to come out with them, only to reject them for fear of what would happen to your academics. you'd worked on not showing any signs of being tired or scared of your future.

just to cry. just to cry here in front of donghyun in sanghyeok's kitchen. not in the privacy of your home where no one could see you. but the exact place in front of the exact person that you didn't want to see you cry at all.

you hastily wipe at your tears, willing them to stay in the confinement of your eyes before you could let them fall in a place that would deliver such a blow to your ego or your social standing.

donghyun is taken aback, you can tell by the way that his usually impassive face has a hint of worry written into the lines of his forehead that crinkle as he watches you try to put yourself together.

"can you give this popcorn to the others? i just need to use the restroom really quickly," you whisper hoarsely, not daring to look at donghyun in the eyes as you rush out of the kitchen, trying your best to look alright and conceal the fact that you were crying in front of the five other people in the foyer.

you know you're unsuccessful though when you hear footsteps growing louder and louder as they approached the bathroom and it takes every ounce of your strength to keep from crying harder.

"y/n? you okay? you looked kinda hurried going into the bathroom." it's dongmin, and you contemplate for a moment before slowly opening the bathroom door, pulling him in and he immediately wraps you into a hug as soon as he sees your tear-streaked face.

"i'm okay. i just really need a hug right now," you manage to warble out, and dongmin's arms just get tighter around your shoulders. you try to come down, steadying your breathing as you try to keep fresh tears from falling down your cheeks when a knock sounds at the door.

"it's me," donghyun says and you want to curse him out. you want to tell him to leave you alone. that you didn't want to talk to him and that you wanted him to stop judging you and your choices. instead, you lean over, breaking away from dongmin, to click open the bathroom door.

"i'm so sorry," he says softly and you shake your head, giving him a mirthless smile.

"i've just been super high-tension for the past couple of days with all of the submissions and i just - i just kinda fell apart. sorry you had to see that."

donghyun steps forward, and dongmin steps back, letting go of where his arm was resting on your shoulder.

"i didn't mean to make you feel bad, y/n. i was just worried about you. i know what it's like to feel that kind of pressure and i just hated to see one of my...friends in that level of stress," he continues, glancing at dongmin when he says the word friend, and dongmin steps around you in the tiny bathroom to reach the door.

"i'm gonna leave you two alone. don't do anything i would do," he warns with a stupid grin and despite the situation, you find yourself laughing, threatening to throw the toothpaste at him.

"he's so dumb," you say under your breath and donghyun watches you carefully.

"he's a good friend," he remarks and you nod, pulling at the toilet paper to wipe your tears away.

"he's the best friend i could ever ask for," you agree and donghyun's expression doesn't change but his demeanor grows a little more hesitant.

"we all thought you guys were gonna start dating, you know. i mean, he's the one person who stuck by you through everything," he confesses and you immediately shake your head, the very thought of it making you want to gag.

"dongmin and i? no way. he's my best friend but i could never see him as my boyfriend. we're more like siblings than any sort of romantic relation; i'd fax his soul directly to satan if he asked me for my fries but i'd give my kidney to him," you explain and donghyun relaxes a bit, leaning against the wall behind him as he watches you clean yourself up.

"he hasn't talked to you about how much stress you're putting on yourself?"

"i'm doing fine, donghyun. i really do appreciate that you have my best interests in mind but dongmin's the one who's been there for every single step i've made. if he doesn't think that there's an extreme cause for concern, no offense, but i really don't see why you do."

donghyun has nothing to say to that, and although he probably should, he doesn't feel hurt at all. you were right. donghyun knew you as an outsider, compared to dongmin and even sanghyeok, and didn't know how much stress (or lack thereof) there really was in your life.

but he couldn't explain why he was so worried or why he missed your old troublemaking tendencies so much. or why he missed your strange ideas of a good time or unnecessary dialogues during movie nights. he couldn't explain why he missed the heat of your body on cold nights or why he replayed that fateful night in his mind over and over again.

this was the first movie night that you'd been to in a while from donghyun's knowledge but what did he know? he was only at this movie night because dongmin invited the old freshman/sophomore year gang to start their friday movie nights tradition once more instead of them just being sanghyeok, you, and dongmin.

so when you slip past him, not only does donghyun find himself at a loss for words, but he also finds himself more confused than he had been before your conversation.

at least he could figure it (whatever it was) at jaehyun's party tomorrow.

+++

the one redeeming factor of your attendance of jaehyun's party in exchange for dongmin's sexcapades, in your opinion, was that it was not in fact hosted in a musty basement.

jaehyun had taken it upon himself to host his party in the penthouse of his apartment (rich people had the strangest ways of spending their money), which was definitely a step up from what you were expected.

unfortunately, the sheer number of people in that party who were present, on top of the number of people who were surprised at your presence was more than a little bit overwhelming.

you'd forgotten just how loud these parties got, and if you weren't already over the legal drinking age, you'd be extremely worried about being caught dead near this many drunk people.

not that you hadn't done your fair share of illegal consumption of ethanol but that was something you chose not to dwell upon.

"Y/N! I'M SO HAPPY YOU'RE HERE! I MISSED YOU SO MUCH SINCE YESTERDAY!" you hear someone scream over the obnoxiously loud music, and immediately, your vision goes black as jaehyun bearhugs you, clearly too drunk to be fully present in the situation at hand.

"jaehyun! happy birthday!" you manage to squeak out, hitting dongmin in the arm to pry jaehyun off of you. you'd convinced dongmin to stick with you the whole time during the party in exchange for you actually showing up and he'd declared that he'd serve as your bodyguard during jaehyun's party for times like these.

"alright bud, i don't think she's ever gonna come back to a party if you squeeze her to death," dongmin warns jaehyun, peeling the energetic boy off of you. jaehyun pouts, not looking unlike his dog (the cutest golden retriever named juno) as he shakes his head stubbornly.

"no! she has to come back! she's so much fun! she's the life of the party!" he exclaims, searching through the throng of people for a cup of whatever nasty concoction you were sure sungho had come up with.

you should've known better than to come to this party, you lament. any of jaehyun's parties always turned into ragers from the absolutely insane number of people that he knew.

but soon enough, jaehyun is shoving a cup into your hand, the suspicious liquid in it sloshing around dangerously as he teeters backward into a tall figure.

"careful, dude. you don't want to end up in the emergency room on your birthday again," the figure says, catching jaehyun's body in his arm.

you internally groan. donghyun.

"ugh no. i hated going to the emergency room last year for my birthday," jaehyun whines with a strong tone of sheer pout staining his words.

"that's what i thought. where's sungho?" donghyun asks, and you figure that sungho must've been put on jaehyun duty for the night, as the man was a total lightweight and was known for endangering himself more than anyone else whenever he had a single drop of alcohol in his system.

"sungho! OH MY GOD SUNGHO!" jaehyun yells, slipping out of donghyun's grasp in search of his more than likely tired friend.

"that guy needs a girlfriend," dongmin sighs and you roll your eyes.

"why? so some poor girl can get tasked with dealing with jaehyun's mess every time he gets drunk?"

"nah. every time jaehyun gets a girlfriend, he turns into such a clean drunk it's crazy. i think he subconsciously feels bad that his girlfriend has to take care of him so he does it on purpose," donghyun explains and you hum, examining the substance in your cup with a critical eye.

you never knew that jaehyun had had a girlfriend. or more than one girlfriend at that. you were pretty close with jaehyun once upon a time. why hadn't he told you when he started dating someone? had you really become that out of touch with your friends?

all because you decided that you didn't want to party anymore?

no. that wasn't it. your friends weren't people like that. it was probably because you declined every single invitation that they'd extended to you to hang out with them.

a guilty weight settles in your chest as you start thinking about just how many times your friends had invited you to do things with them over the past year and a half. in the moment, you'd always had something that you needed to do. something to submit, something to do for extra credit, something to do to get better grades.

but now that you looked back on the past year and a half, you could only remember the events they'd invited you to, and just a handful of truly important assignments you'd needed to submit.

"you don't need to drink that," donghyun says, extending his hand for you to deposit the drink into. dongmin looks between you and donghyun, confused by the sudden offer. donghyun never went black knight for anyone else - much less women he wasn't all that close to.

even when you were a well integrated member of their friend group, you had never been particularly close to donghyun, from what dongmin remembered. the two of you were close enough to embark on drunken adventures separate from the group maybe once or twice but definitely not close enough to mention those adventures to dongmin in explicit detail.

not close enough for donghyun to drink a drink for you.

it's clear that you think the same thing (for different reason, however) when you lift the cup to your lips, staring at donghyun straight in the eyes as you tip your head back, drinking all of the contents of the cup in one straight go.

donghyun smirks, watching you drink the whole cup, aware that you were proving a point to him.

you don't need to keep trying to worry for me. i can handle myself.

the message is clear in your eyes as you lock eyes with him, wiping the excess liquid on your lips with the back of your hand, the challenge explicit in the way you look at him.

"too much pride is no good for you," donghyun quips and you roll your eyes.

"it's not pride. i just know that i can handle my alcohol. i don't need you to worry about me or worry about whether i can or not," you retort. "you worry about me when i study too much. you worry about me when i party. when are you not worried about me donghyun? why are you even so worried in the first place?"

"because we used to be good friends," donghyun counters but his argument isn't all that strong, by the way his voice wavers when you step a step too close to him - so close that he can smell the cinnamon of your perfume.

"were we? we were friends, sure. but were we good friends, donghyun? we just went out together. we hung out with the group but we weren't all that close. not...not until... not close enough for you to be suddenly popping back into my life with advice that i don't need and i didn't ask for!" you can't help but raise your voice, searching blindly for dongmin's arm and dragging him with you, chest heaving in anger as you storm away from donghyun.

"what the hell?" dongmin is left to ponder. "has the alcohol already kicked in?"

+++

"don't talk to me right now," you seethed, pushing at donghyun's chest as you walked faster towards the rest of your friends, somewhere further up the street, laughing and shoving each other.

"i don't even know what i did!" donghyun exclaimed, using those stupidly long legs so that he was walking backwards, face to face with you. "why are you so fucking mad at me?"

"you seriously don't know?" you yelled, and you saw dongmin turn around to see what was taking the two of you so long, unaware of the bomb he'd dropped, but he's turned back around just as fast by sungho, who had an extremely drunk jaehyun on his back and clearly needed dongmin's help carrying their lightweight friend who was a heavyweight in body weight when drunk.

"i seriously don't know!" donghyun repeated, his arms flying up to show you how frustrated he was. of course he didn't know. there was no way that he could know just how upset you were with his perfection. of course dongmin had to mention that donghyun had a 4.0 gpa. of course he could come out every night with you and your friends and still maintain that gpa.

of course he didn't have to worry about whether he would even get a job in the future because he'd failed a class or two. of course he could go out every night. of course he could drink his weight in alcohol and still function the next day. of course he could get any girl he wanted just by looking at them for a second too long.

"i hate you," you whispered, almost as if the words had escaped the dark recesses of your mind against your own will.

"what?" donghyun asked incredulously, swooping down to catch the noxious words falling from your painted lips.

"i said, i hate you." your eyes were fierce, shining with a dangerous light that donghyun had never expected from you and had never seen before. you looked like the picture of peril, a knife poised at his throat, threatening to draw blood.

it was an emotion that was so raw that donghyun found himself leaning even closer, absolutely intoxicated by the reckless way that you refuse to hide the challenge in your eyes.

"are you guys coming or what?" sanghyeok call out from where the rest of your friends were, some ten yards ahead of you. donghyun waved him off, his stare never leaving yours.

"we're going back to my place. i've gotta show y/n something," donghyun yelled back and you can't help the sneer that draws upon your lips and if donghyun weren't beyond turned on, he was sure that he would find it a little concerning.

it wasn't everyday, after all, that one of your good friends mentions that she despises you. especially not a good friend that you found incredibly attractive.

the rest of them turned back around, leaving you and donghyun to simmer in this strange energy. competition, charged with something else much more primal - anger and lust.

the entire walk to donghyun's place is silent. it was just a five minute walk from where you'd split from your friends but those five minutes feel excruciating as you feel a dark sense of excitement sit deep in your core, making you feel split in two directions.

the first direction was much more logical: you were jealous of donghyun's ability to handle it all and you wanted to just yell at him and scream until your throat went hoarse.

the second direction was stronger and much less logical: you were incredibly drawn to donghyun and you wanted him to fuck your throat until it went hoarse.

same end goal, but different ways of pursuit.

the second direction ends up winning out when you found yourself pressed up against donghyun's door the second you step out of the elevator and into his studio apartment, donghyun walking you backwards so that you shut the door with the movement.

his lips stayed tantalizingly close to yours as he reached up to lock the door, his hand falling down so that it was cupping your cheek and his eyes search yours, looking for any sign of discomfort.

"look, are you going to fuck me or not?" you whispered harshly and he barks out a laugh, his other hand moving from where it was resting by his side to caress your waist.

"you've got so much anger in you, y/n. what did i do for you to hate me so much?"

"does it matter? i'm telling you to fuck me. either i leave without a heart to heart and you can jerk yourself off or i leave without a heart to heart but you cum inside a pussy tonight instead of your hand," you bit back.

donghyun's breath was shallow as he assessed you, making sure that you were in the right mind and could make decisions for yourself. if you really knew what you were asking for.

the thought of it pissed you off.

"i just don't know if this is a good idea," he admitted and you straightened up, hand reaching next to you to turn the doorknob. you didn't need someone who was going to be so apprehensive. so now you weren't even good enough to fuck?

"i'm leaving then," you said donghyun's hand immediately covered your own, pulling it back and over his shoulder so that one of your hands was resting at the nape of his neck.

you circled the other one to link your arms around his neck, forcing him to bend even further so that he was eye level with you now, lips so close that he can practically taste the flavor of your lip gloss.

"do you want me to leave donghyun? do you think this a bad idea?" you asked, purposefully letting the venom of all of your emotions drip into your voice. you're being unfair, you knew that, but it doesn't matter. it doesn't matter when he was so close and yet so far from you and you couldn't even think straight.

"fuck you." his voice ghosted over your lips, and the two of you stayed like that for a moment, equally proud and unwilling to be the one to give in and kiss in the other.

but donghyun's patience clearly wasn’t as strong as your ego when his lips pressed against yours, too gentle for your taste. you wrapped your arms a little tighter around him, letting him rest his hands low on your back, still too careful.

"i said i hated you and this is the best retaliation you've got?" you whispered, and it's like a switch turns on in donghyun's brain. his hands leave their position on your back to cup your cheeks harshly, tilting your head up so he could kiss you deeper.

you sigh against his lips, a smirk tugging at your own as you finally achieve the level of animosity you were looking for. you didn't want to have sex with donghyun. you didn't want to make love with him.

you wanted to be fucked. ruined. unable to think straight.

which was why you let him kiss you stupid, your lips swollen from the force of his own. it was as though the two of you were inseparable; his hands roamed your body freely, claiming every square inch of it for himself.

he tugged you forward harshly, lips never detaching from yours, hands reaching lower and lower until they finally settled on your ass, and you couldn't help the shallow gasp that left your mouth when he squeezed experimentally, a cocky grin melting into your kiss when he hears the soft noise.

he turned the two of you so that you were walking backwards as donghyun walked you into his bedroom, finally pulling away when your knees buckled as they hit the bed, making you fall backwards onto it.

he didn't even give you a moment to think as his lips descended on you once more, even more insistent and rough than before as he let you slip his leather jacket off his body.

his lips left yours, descending further down your body until they reached the hem of your strapless top, leaving wet kisses and blooming bruises in a heady rush.

"y/n, you have to tell me if you want me to stop." donghyun's voice came out strained and you knew that he was exercising every bit of self control to keep from fucking you stupid.

unfortunately, that was exactly what you wanted from him.

"donghyun. i'm not going to say it again. fuck me stupid."

that was all he needed before he was practically ripping at your top, pulling it off of you harshly before diving in to suck hickeys down your chest, unbuttoning your jeans at the same time.

he tugged them off in one motion, leaving you in nothing but a bandeau bra and your underwear.

"thought you were gonna get lucky tonight?" he asked with an eyebrow raised as he looked at your panties - which were fortunately, and unfortunately, the sexiest ones that you owned. lacy and thin and everything.

"yeah. thought i was gonna finally fuck sunghoon park again. that man knows how to fuck a girl into the headboard," you retorted and you could tell that you'd gotten under your skin by the way that he reached forward to pull at the strap of your panties, letting the elastic snap against your waist with a painful sting.

"you're such a little brat. you need someone to fuck that attitude out of you. didn't know you had such a fucking dirty mouth on you," donghyun growls, and you would've come up with some equally as brutal response when donghyun pulled his shirt over his head with one hand.

you'd seen donghyun shirtless before. multiple times, honestly, with the number of times dongmin tries to pull you guys into random bodies of water whenever he got drunk. but seeing him in that moment felt like your blood was made of lava that was coursing through your body, rushing to settle in your core.

"you're so pretty but you're so bitchy sometimes, you know that?" donghyun taunted, hovering over you so that his gold necklace hit the bridge of his nose as he leaned over, pushing you up the bed so that your head hit the pillows.

"heard someone was gonna fuck the attitude out of me?"

donghyun smiled a wolfish smile, and pulled your underwear down, almost painfully slow as he watched you squirm, clearly unhappy with his pace.

he threw them behind him somewhere that you knew you were going to have to search for in the morning but it didn't matter in that moment.

no. all that mattered was that donghyun's lips were on your core, licking an experimental stripe, grinning proudly when he saw you shiver. he dove back in, enthused by the groans leaving your lips.

his lips were unrelenting, his tongue darting out to dip into your pussy, leaving you at his mercy. your hands reached out to tug on donghyun's hair insistently, incredibly overwhelmed by just how good he was making you feel.

"fuck. pull harder," he groaned, his hot breath fanning over your pussy, causing goosebumps to run up your spine.

you giggle, a sound that sounds out of place in such a situation, but you didn't care and obliged, pulling on his hair even harder. he groaned, leaning in to eat you out with even more vigor, his hands on your clit and rubbing at it in just the right motion. you'd laugh at his conflict if you weren't otherwise preoccupied with the hot ball of pleasure growing in your core.

donghyun watched you carefully as he pulled away, instead replacing his tongue with just one finger, waiting to see if you'd show any signs of discomfort. when you didn't, he moved his finger in and out slowly, adding another when he noticed you started to get impatient with his ministrations.

"trust me, there's nothing i want to do more than to fuck you dumb. but i can't do that if i can't be convinced that i'm not to break you in half with my cock," he whispered.

"i don't think you're big enough for that," you snarked back and donghyun just offered you a shit-eating grin and added another finger, watching for any sign that you might tap out. holy fuck. was he actually that fucking big?

he picked up the pace, fucking you faster and rougher, his fingers slipping out for just a moment as he adjusted himself so that he was laying next to you before continuing again at an even more brutal pace.

"fuck!" you can't help but yelp, one of your hands finding one of donghyun's, as his fingers move at almost mind-numbing speeds.

"i told you someone needed to fuck the attitude out of you. now look what you've done to yourself," he crowed almost condescendingly. if you weren't so blinded by the sheer pleasure of his fingers, you'd probably cuss him out.

"fuck, fuck, fuck! fuck donghyun i think i'm gonna cum!" you cried out.donghyun simply nodded at you, and you took that as a sign to cum. but just as you start to feel yourself topple over the edge of the cliff you were standing on into the pit of pleasure, donghyun rips your pleasure away from you.

he pulled his fingers out of your pussy, watching you squirm and convulse as your hips bucked pathetically, searching for some way to taste the pleasure you were so close to attaining.

"baby doll, you should've known better than to assume that i'd let you cum for the first time on my fingers rather than my cock," donghyun preened mockingly, kicking his own jeans off in the same motion as his briefs.

"fuck you, donghyun." it was all you managed to conjure up through your tears as you tried to catch your breath, only to have to wind knocked out of you once more when you caught sight of donghyun's cock.

"oh hell no, that's not going inside my pussy," you gasped, and donghyun smiled despite himself, and ran his fingers over your hair gently.

"it's big but that's why i prepped you so much, isn't it?" his tone makes it clear that there's no real question in his words. you were the one who'd said you wanted to be fucked stupid. donghyun was the one to make good on that wish.

"just go slow," you grumbled and donghyun nodded, lining up at your entrance carefully.

"can't promise that i'll go slow for too long - fuck!" donghyun cut himself off as he slipped the tip of his dick into your hot core and immediately, both of you let out a groan.

if just his tip was enough to make you feel a stretch after he ate you out and fingered you, you had no idea how you were going to fit the rest of him inside you.

if just the entrance of your pussy was enough to have donghyun's head spinning, he had no idea how he was going to fit the rest of him inside you without immediately coming.

he slid in slowly, forearms resting on either side of your face for stability, that stupid gold chain smacking you in the face with his every slight movement.

it would feel degrading if you weren't turned on beyond belief, you were pretty sure.

"god," you let out softly and donghyun couldn't help but agree as he sheathed himself completely inside you. if donghyun would be allowed to see the pearly gates of heaven, he was vaguely sure that it would feel a lot like this.

"tell me when i can move," he grit out, exercising his self-control to the fullest he's ever had to.

"you can move," you whimpered, equally close to losing your mind.

he pulled out so that just the tip was in your pussy before snapping his hips forward, knocking the breath out of you with the motion. he continued that agonizingly slow  until both of you got fed up, and finally picked up the pace.

"your pussy is perfect, you know that?" he growled, fucking into you with fluid and quick motions that make you feel as though you've established permanent residence on cloud nine.

"you're not too bad yourself," you huffed out and a short breath leaves donghyun as his movements grow harsher.

"clearly i'm not doing a good job of fucking you stupid if you can respond to me," he said.

he made good on his promise that night, fucking into you deep and rough until you both came in a symphony of moans, chests heaving as he collapsed next to you, utterly spent.

maybe if you'd said something other than what you did in that moment, things wouldn't have turned out this way. but the reality was that it was those words that ultimately dug you into your grave.

you finally spoke some ten minutes later, when your brain wasn't so fuzzy you didn't know where to pick words from.

"i wish you weren't so fucking perfect, donghyun. i just can't...just forget this happened. please. it's not like we're going to get into a relationship because of this. and i don't want to face our friends right now. so just forget any of this happened."

you'd gathered your clothes and dashed out of his apartment, the buzz from earlier in the night completely gone, along with any chance of donghyun ever figuring out why from that day onwards, you'd started completely avoiding your friends and your past, running towards a future you so desperately wanted to grasp, even if you didn't know how to.

and as he fell back against his sheets, facing the ceiling, donghyun realized just one thing: something in you had changed. but was it for the better or for the worse?

+++

dongmin lets out a low whistle, followed by a crinkle of his nose.

"you could've let out the explicit details, you know," he bemoans, pressing his hands over his ears, as though he could reverse time and delete the story you'd revealed to him from his mind by doing so.

"you said you wanted to the whole truth on why i was being so bitchy to dongmin," you point out and dongmin inclines his head towards you, pulling his knees a little closer to his chest.

"you were kinda unnecessarily bitchy, though, you have to admit. but what i really asked was why donghyun decided to go all black knight on you, to which i still haven't received a proper explanation.," dongmin corrects and you shrug, accepting the packet of gummy bears that dongmin had produced from his back pocket.

in freshman year, you'd become infamous for chasing your shots of vodka (the only alcohol you chose to drink, other than whiskey) with candy and ever since then, at least one of your friends would always carry a packet of some sort of sweet candy on them for you.

"you brought gummy bears for me?" you ask, touched as you rip the packet open, the perfect level of fuzziness buzzing through your head.

"sungho brought gummy bears for you," dongmin says softly and you look at him surprisedly. "when i told him you were coming to jaehyun's party, he told me that he needed to be prepared. they all miss hanging out with you and going out with you, you know."

"they miss hanging out with who i used to be. i don't think that they'd want to hang out with me now," you snort and dongmin immediately slaps your knee, shaking his head.

"you've gotta stop doing that."

"doing what?"

"doing the whole 'woe is me' act when you just grew up. we all grew up, y/n. maybe you haven't seen it because you've been so busy in your own world, trying to make up for the past but we've all grown up right besides you," dongmin rants, getting up from where he was sitting on your balcony, starting to pace back and forth.

"when you pulled away from us, you know how confused we all were? it was like one day, you were laughing and making jokes with us and the next day, you suddenly hated us. you stopped coming to our hangouts, stopped initiating plans, fuck, you didn't even come to sungho's birthday last year!

"we thought that we did something to piss you off. we interrogated donghyun for weeks but he was just as confused as the rest of us. and then i realized just how lonely you were by yourself. you think i didn't notice how you'd watch us hangout in the library without you? about how you left that stupid neck pillow for sanghyeok when you saw him staying up late studying? or when you paid for jaehyun's coffee when you knew he was having a bad day?

"i was the only one who saw all that. so when everyone asked me when i didn't drop you like you dropped us, i didn't know how to explain that you didn't drop us, but you were just going the wrong way about chasing after your future. i didn't want to out you and make you feel as though you needed to stop taking care of everyone behind their backs because i still wanted you to be with us.

"we all cared about you so much. that's why i've been here the whole time. i've been the only one in front of you but the same way that you've been taking care of everyone else, everyone has been taking care of you. who do you think lends me his car whenever i need to come to your place because you're having a bad day and need a shoulder to cry on? sanghyeok. who always keeps the pantry stocked with your favorite snacks in case you might come around one day? sungho.

"who always points out clothing whenever we go shopping and says 'y/n would love this shirt!', just to get upset when he realized you weren't there to respond? jaehyun. who would always nudge me to go and check on you because he was worried that you were putting too much stress on yourself? donghyun. even jihyo and jayoon ask about you and keep asking us if maybe you'd come over more often since there were more girls hanging out with us now.

"i'm not telling you all this because i want you to feel bad. i just needed to tell you because we've all been caring about you this whole time but you've just never let us in, when we've been knocking at the door, just waiting for you to finally open the door. and you just won't because you're so scared of coming back to us!" his chest is heaving at the end of his rant and you can't help it, leaping to your feet as you let your voice grow louder and louder, scratchy with emotion.

"i am scared dongmin! i'm so fucking scared, i can't even think straight! i miss all of you so much and i'm so scared that i'll fall into the trap of loving you all so much that that's all i spend my time doing and i'll neglect all of the hard work i've been putting in for so long to reverse the mistakes of my past!" you scream and dongmin steps even closer, clearly not backing down from this fight.

"and what kind of future are you going to have when you turn around and see that we've all moved on without you? i can't fucking move on without you because you're like my sister; i can't imagine a life without you but what about everyone else? how long do you think everyone's gonna be waiting for you?"

"i didn't ask them to wait for me!" you shout and dongmin runs his hand through his hair frustratedly, turning so that you wouldn't see the anger on his face.

"BUT THEY DID! THEY ALL DID! they all waited for you because they - we all love you, you stubborn piece of shit! all you had to do was tell us you were feeling this way! all you had to fucking do was talk to us and ask for help. but you pushed us away when you needed us most and now look!" dongmin points at the empty space around you, forcing himself to overlook your watery eyes. "look at who's here besides me? you know jaehyun would've wrapped you in a hug, that sungho would've immediately offered to study with you. that sanghyeok would've stayed up with you, even if he didn't need to. that i would sneak food into the library with you! that donghyun would literally sit down and tutor you if you needed him to."

he swallows when you finally break down, sobs wracking your body as your fists clench into balls at your sides, stubbornly refusing to take the one step you would need to for dongmin to wrap you into a safe hug, like the ones that jaehyun always gave you.

but it's okay, because dongmin takes that step for you, wrapping you in a tight hug that makes you finally feel like you can take a breath through the tears that feel like are choking you from inside out.

"i just wanted to be good enough for all of you. i wanted to come back when i was good enough and i thought i could be someone everyone wanted to be around if i was good enough," you sob and dongmin can feel his heart break as his embrace grows tighter.

"you're good enough the way that you are, y/n. you know how much you've inspired everyone? i've even started studying for tests the day before the test, instead of the hour before!" dongmin exclaims, feeling a little more relaxed when he hears you laugh through your sobs.

"that's not much better," you warble and dongmin just shrugs, never letting go of you.

"it's better than the hour before the test."

"dongmin? for the record, i don't think that i'm the only one who grew up. i know that everyone grew up. i just..."

"i know."

"i wish you were my actual brother."

"if i was your actual brother, i probably would've spit on you by now."

"what the hell."

+++

you wait nervously in dongmin's room as you hear people begin to file into the apartment, a jumble of familiar voices as jihyo and jaehyun begin bickering once again about something or another.

it was just a matter of time before the two of them started dating, you figured.

dongmin was betting on three weeks and you were betting on three months. something about the slow-burn of it all was appealing to you. dongmin insisted that fanfiction was just rotting your brain.

you let out a breath of air and dongmin flicks you on the side of your head, and you fix him with a mean glare as you rub the spot that he'd hit.

"they're just your friends, y/n. you don't need to be that nervous. you've been looking forward to this all week," he reminds you and you just nod, still rubbing the spot.

after the emotional conversation/argument with dongmin last week, you'd asked to come to the next movie night, wanting to start spending more time with your friends. and although you knew that it wouldn't be the exact same as it once was, it would never be and that was a good thing.

balance was a good thing.

"dongmin? where are you, motherfucker? i can't believe you made me buy you three different types of sour gummies, fatass!" you hear sanghyeok yell from the other room and dongmin takes this as his cue to drag you into the room with him.

"i only wanted one type. y/n wanted the other two. still wanna call me a fatass?"

dongmin doesn't get an answer to his question because no sooner has he said the words do jihyo and jaehyun bound over to you (not looking too much unlike juno) and wrapping you into nearly bone-crushing hugs.

"dongmin told us that you were going to be more available to hang out with us more and more and these two - " sungho cuts himself off to grab jaehyun by the scruff and jihyo by the collar of her shirt. " - have been a little too excited since he said so."

"we've missed you so much!" jihyo exclaims.

"you saw her last week," jaehyun mutters, groaning when jihyo smacks him upside the head.

"so did you but that didn't stop you either, now did it?"

"you're such a little bi - "

"alright. let's stop while we're ahead and just be happy that y/n's back with us, how about that?" dongmin proposes, the voice of reason for once in his life. jihyo and jaehyun exchange a dirty look (albeit, a very childish one) before the two of them sit down, leaving just you and dongmin standing awkwardly, as though you were about to give a presentation.

"uh. thanks for having me back guys. i kinda don't know what to say other than the fact that i'm sorry for leaving so abruptly. i struggled with hanging out with you guys and balancing a good gpa on top of that so i made some really stupid choices but i promise that i won't hide those stupid choices from you guys anymore. i just - i've just really missed you guys." your little speech clearly moves more than one person to tears but before jaehyun can try to deliver death by hug once more, sanghyeok claps his hands, pulling up some streaming platform or another on the television.

"thanks for that touching speech, y/n. now if you could get the fuck out of the way, we need to vote on a movie. your vote only counts as half a vote since you've missed more than two movie nights but you're welcome to rally for full membership after attendance of two more movie nights," sanghyeok announces and you roll your eyes, before looking for a spot.

dongmin's caught up in some conversation about that girl from your class with jayoon (undoubtedly doing some background research; as if he could find out anything that would make him actually keep it in his pants) and everyone else's spot is taken, leaving just an empty space next to donghyun.

i'm a big girl. i don't need to sit next to dongmin for everything. donghyun is still your friend at the end of the day. that you fucked. and was the last time that you had sex. and was also the best sex you'd ever had. but just a friend! haha. just a friend.

not the best dialogue to be running through one's mind during their re-debut into civil society (read: friend group) but you manage to divert your mind before it delves into dangerous territory.

"we're still friends," donghyun murmurs from beside you and you turn, despite your common sense telling you otherwise, to see him looking at you with the most genuine and twinkly eyes that you have to swallow and force yourself to turn once more to face the television set.

"yeah. friends," you repeat, softer than he'd said it and you can feel his stupidly sweet gaze on the side of your face.

+++

spending more time with your friends was nothing like how you thought it would be. for starters, it turned out that your friends themselves didn't have too much time to use as expendable time to just fuck around, like you used to in freshman year.

as juniors and seniors, most of your friends were occupied with their classes and their work, as opposed to the lighter coursework in earlier years. on top of that, many of them were either in relationships or were pursuing someone (or many someones, in dongmin's case) so there was more time eaten up by that as well.

but the time that all of you did spend together was much more domestic. equally as chaotic, as you'd discovered when you'd gone grocery shopping with just jaehyun and jihyo and no adult supervision from sungho (who'd trusted you to be the adult supervision), but less shenanigans than before.

instead of finding street signs to steal off the road to stash in dorm rooms, the friendship that had developed between your friends had gotten much more real, and there were more nights that you can count where at least one of you was staying up late to finish something so the rest of you were stuck helping them.

even staying up late to finish projects was more comforting with the presence of your friends, though, and you were so grateful that you'd come back to them. that they'd accepted you with open arms.

you'd had conversations with each of them one on one at some point or another, detailing why you'd left them so abruptly and asking for forgiveness but more often than not, you'd just gotten scolded for ever thinking that they wouldn't give you a chance to explain yourself.

"you were such a good friend to us for so long," sanghyeok had said. "you don't think we would just drop you when you're going through a rough patch, right?"

of course, that had led to another round of tears (which jayoon witnessed and went ham on sanghyeok for making you cry, which made you cry even harder because god, what country had sanghyeok saved for such an amazing girlfriend) but that was besides the point.

in fact, you'd made amends with pretty much everyone except for donghyun. you could see him waiting for you - waiting for you to reach out to him and explain yourself like you'd done so with everyone else, but for some reason, you just couldn't.

partly out of guilt, but also partly out of shame. you just couldn't help but avoid him.

it was easy to do so when it was all of you, since you could always rely on dongmin and sanghyeok to keep your attention otherwise occupied. but when it was just the two of you, after everyone has left the library to do things other than study for their innumerable tests, you can always feel the apology bubbling in your chest, threatening to break free.

but it never does. it never does and you know you're going to regret it.

you didn't have romantic feelings for donghyun, no. but he was someone that you could develop romantic feelings for and someone like that didn't deserve to think that you just hated him for no reason. because just going off of what had happened last year, donghyun really had no reason to think that you felt any emotion towards him other than hatred. and your actions prior to making amends with your friends didn't do much to dissuade that thought either.

which is why you didn't understand why he was still treating you with so much kindness. you were fairly sure that he wasn't head over heels in love with you or anything (especially since he's also had a good many girlfriends ever since your encounter) but you also couldn't come up with any other reason for his understanding.

he'd been the first one out of everyone to come and actually talk to you, four months ago in that study room, even at the risk of you pushing him away once more. he was the one that was most likely to be pushed away and he still looked after you, cared for you, and worried for you.

"you don't have feelings for me, do you?" you blurt out, immediately slapping a palm over your own mouth. donghyun looks up from the tablet his taking notes on with furrowed eyebrows.

"what?" he asks incredulously and you furiously shake your head, looking rather comical with your hand still covering your mouth.

"nothing. forget i said anything." you wince as you look back down at your book, ensuring that the references lined up with direct quotations as you mentally bash yourself. stupid, stupid, stupid. so you won't say that you're sorry but you'll do this? just be grateful no one else is here to see this catastrophe.

"i don't have feelings for you," he clarifies and you nod, unable to meet his eyes. of course he didn't have feelings for you. that would be so dumb. when you didn't have feelings for him, why should he have feelings for you? right?

so why did your heart just feel the tiniest bit tight in your chest?

"i don't have feelings for you but i used to search for you in every single party. even before we...we did whatever we did that night. i used to always look for you first. and i always used feel so happy just looking at you smile," he says. you look up, confused by his statement now. donghyun's looking right at you with those horribly confusing, glittery eyes and you feel your breath catch in your throat for a split second.

"what?"

"i said i don't have feelings for you. but when you pulled away from all of us, i just couldn't help but think if i did something wrong. if i did something to push you away. and i realized that i would rather have you hate me, i would rather have you push me away every time i come close, or even use me to vent your stress however you need rather than have you walk away once and for all," he continues and you feel that same tightness in your chest as he speaks, heat rising up your spine as it sits uncomfortably in your cheeks.

"i just wish you'd stayed that night. i could've convinced you to tell me all your fears and all your worries and i could've just gotten rid of them for you instead of you holding onto them for so long in your own mind," he finishes and you sit there in silence, unable to piece together any thoughts.

"so, uh, you don't have any feelings for me?" you confirm and donghyun rolls his eyes, and for just a split-second you see the dangerous glint that you remember from that night.

"you're an english lit major and you can't tell that i'm telling you that i have feelings for you?" donghyun teases and you just stare at him dumbly.

"i thought you said that you didn't have feelings?"

"and you said that you hated me."

"i don't hate you."

"i know."

and that's all the confirmation you need to spring forward from your seat, pressing a kiss to donghyun's lips. just as soft and as perfect as you'd remembered.

he reaches forward to cup your cheek, molding his lips against yours gently as you try to pour every single emotion you can into a single kiss.

"i don't hate you," you whisper, leaning your forehead against his, still standing up somewhat awkwardly due to the desk in between the two of you.

"i know," he repeats. "and i know that you don't feel the same way as i do. not as strongly as i do, at least. and i just want you to know that i'll wait."

"you'll wait for me?" you assure and donghyun nods, his hand reaching up to pat your head gently.

"i'll wait for you to take me back as a friend first and then we can figure out the rest."

"what if i'm never ready to put a label on our relationship?"

"then i'll just be here with you. i don't need a label for my feelings."

+++

it's not perfect. for all his perfection, donghyun kim had heaps of flaws. he was surprisingly 'needy' and felt anxious when you weren't with him for extended periods of time.

and when jaehyun, sanghyeok, and sungho graduated, you realized that it extended to far more than just you. for someone so stoic and poised, it turned out that donghyun was extremely soft-hearted and could care for nothing more than to have his loved ones around him for as long as he could hold onto them for.

it proved to be a little difficult, given that after your departure from your friend group, you'd gotten used to a certain level of independence and affinity for your own personal space that donghyun just didn't understand sometimes. but the two of you worked on it, because you loved each other even as just friends too much to not work on it.

there'd been points where you were sure that the two of you would just have to be friends and move on with life because of how hard it all was. you could never let go of donghyun fully; all of you were just too great of friends to ever be able to keep out of each other's lives completely.

but all's well that ends well, and you and donghyun learned to work through those issues. your affinity for running away when things got rough and donghyun's tendency to latch on harder every time you guys faced an issue was something that took months of serious discussion and communication to get through.

dongmin was the mediator more than once whenever the two of you got into arguments (you exploding at donghyun and donghyun just sitting quietly, making you even more upset before the two of you calmed down and worked things out) and it helped to have him around.

the one good thing was that your relationship, however imperfect it was, spurred dongmin to start to settle down and look for a girlfriend himself.

much to your happiness, and dongmin's chagrin, there weren't many girls on campus willing to date someone with such a reputation but that just meant that dongmin put in more effort to convince them that he was a changed man.

it was a good look on him, you'd told donghyun one day. dongmin suited having someone in his life that he had to work to please and someone who liked him regardless of his clumsy attempts at love and cared for him fully.

the three (four, when dongmin met his girlfriend) of you stuck together throughout the rest of college. there were still uncountable numbers of allnighters trying to make sure that you were maintaining your grades but it turns out, you could balance both having fun and being academically strong.

you could spend time with your friends and your boyfriend without having to worry about whether you'd be able to secure a job after college because of your gpa. it was nice, not feeling like there was a huge demon breathing down your neck every time you needed to sit down and study.

it'd taken you a long time to get there, but like all good things, with the help of your loved ones and with some self-work, you developed a healthy relationship with studying and a work-life balance.

oh! and you did end up getting a job. your dream job. right out of college. everyone had been so proud, just like you knew they'd be.

and just like that, years had passed by in the blink of an eye.

the five of you made it a point to reunite at least twice a year, since most of you were in the same country (other than sanghyeok and jayoon, who'd relocated back to south korea to take care of their parents after they got married). even five to six years later, when all of you were reaching the end of your twenties and entering the next phase of life, nothing changed.

"JAEHYUN MYUNG, IF YOU DON'T GIVE ME BACK THE TV REMOTE!" jihyo screams from downstairs, and you hear loud footsteps as jaehyun undoubtedly keeps the remote withheld from her.

"i can't believe they're the parents to two children," you snort, blowing on your nails to dry them quicker.

"i can. all that fighting energy has to go somewhere," donghyun retorts and you roll your eyes. he had a point.

"you've got a point. we've been on vacation for three days and they're already in their fourth argument. well. i guess it's just flirting to them," you contemplate, extending your hand to examine your handiwork.

"you thought that fighting was flirting back in college too," donghyun reminds you and you shake your head, looking at donghyun. and just like usual, he's already looking at you, head tucked into his fist as he lies on the bed that the two of you had slept in together for the past five years (vacation was hosted by your family this year).

"it clearly worked on you," you fire back and donghyun smiles a giddy smile.

"you're my weakness. anything you give me works on me," he says in a lovestruck voice and the laugh that escapes you is a real, full-bellied one.

"god. you're such a dork; i love you so much," you sigh, getting up and walking over to where he's lying, climbing onto the bed to wrap your arms around him.

"yeah? wanna channel our energy into making a few babies?" he teases with a greasy tone of voice and squiggly eyebrows.

"you're incorrigible."

"you love it."

"i love it," you agree, leaning forward to press a sweet kiss to his lips. you'd liked the darker sides of donghyun and there would always be a side of you that got giddy whenever you saw that side of him.

but you'd always love this more. soft, reassuring, and unconditional love. from him to you and you to him. neither of you needed perfection. you just needed each other. husband and wife. you didn't need those labels, and you'd believed donghyun when he said that he didn't need them for his love either. but it was nice, having everyone know that you had each other for life.

"ARE YOU WHORES COMING OR NOT? WE'RE GONNA START WATCHING WITHOUT YOU!" dongmin yells from downstairs, and you can vaguely hear his fiancée slapping him on the chest and knowing her, she was definitely telling him to shut up and let the two of you make her a niece or nephew.

you laugh, grabbing your husband's hand and leading him downstairs to plop down next to your friends. someone shoves a bucket of popcorn into your arms and you realize how grateful you were for all of the people in your life.

and how glad you were that you'd decided to forge a new path for yourself with your loved ones and with your newfound confidence in yourself.

love and life are always easier with friends and family, after all.

[sihtricfedaraaahvicius]

A Permanent Reminder

note: just a random little fic I came up with this afternoon

warnings: none

pairing: Sihtric x fem!reader (no use of Y/N)

summary: After years of begging Sihtric, your husband and warrior and artist, he finally agreed to tattoo you.

word count: 1,2k

Masterlist

Reblogs & comments are immensely appreciated.

'Are you sure?' Sihtric asked.

You looked up at him as he towered over you. His eyes were questioning and his lower lip sucked in between his teeth as he stared down at you. You took his tattooed hands in yours, lightly swaying them as you smiled at him. For ages you've been begging your husband to give you a tattoo on your neck, like he has, but he had always refused up until today. What made him change his mind? You'll never know. But you were delighted when you walked into one of your private rooms and found Sihtric preparing a small wooden box with his tools; a comb with sharpened teeth and a bottle with oak-gall ink, because when you asked him who he was going to tattoo, he simply smiled at you and said, 'I am going to tattoo the most beautiful lady I have ever laid my eyes on. You, my wife.'

You were stunned for a moment, but then couldn't contain your excitement anymore and broke out in a beaming smile, completely forgetting to answer his question.

'Are you sure?' Sihtric asked again as he helped you sit down on the furs he had prepared for you.

'You know I'm sure,' you rolled your eyes, 'but what took you so long to finally agree?'

'What took me so long,' your husband smiled and leaned in, lightly dragging his lips over your neck before pressing a soft kiss to your skin, 'was the fact that I never want to hurt you, my love.'

'Is it really that painful?'

'It's unpleasant,' he said and took your hand, 'you will feel it. But I will try to be as careful as I can.'

You smiled at him and gave his hand a light squeeze.

'I trust you will,' you said, 'you still know what I want, right?'

'Yes, darling,' Sihtric chuckled, then mumbled, 'only because you remind me every other day.'

'Hey!' you lightly slapped his arm, 'I heard that.'

Your husband smiled and shrugged, he knew that you were aware of how much you had been nagging about the tattoo. You wanted a norse knot on your neck, like Sihtric had, but a different design and smaller too. He told you that he hadn't wanted to tattoo you before because he didn't want to hurt you, which was partly true, but he didn't tell you that the real reason was the fact that he just hadn't created the perfect design for you. He had made countless sketches on parchment, with charcoal and pieces of burnt wood, but he had never shown you any of them because he felt the images weren't worthy to be a permanent figure on your beautiful skin. But not too long ago he had finally made a subtle norse knot, one that was delicate but still powerful looking, exactly like you were, he thought, and therefore he was finally ready to decorate you.

'I need you to lie down for me,' Sihtric said softly.

He helped you get comfortable, with your head propped up on a thick fur while resting on his lap. You felt a warm and damp rag touch your neck, as Sihtric cleaned your skin before he took a small piece of sharpened kohl. He carefully sketched the design he had come up with on your neck, and you giggled softly as it tickled every now and then, to which he smiled.

'It is an honour to do this,' Sihtric whispered as he drew the faint lines, 'I'm sorry you had to wait this long. I just hope you will like it.'

'I have no doubt that you created something I will love,' you said and took his free hand to kiss the back of it, 'you know me better than anyone, my dearest, so do not worry.'

'I will try,' your husband smiled and then inspected the faint black lines.

He narrowed his eyes and titled his head lightly, biting down on his lip as he made sure he had perfected the art on his most perfect canvas. Sihtric was satisfied, and he held a shiny silver plate up so you could see the design yourself. You gasped softly when you saw the beautiful knot, the dark lines clearly intertwined with slim black flower stems, and you teared up at the sight of it.

'It's perfect, my love,' you whispered.

'Not yet, darling,' Sihtric said softly, and he placed the silver next to you on the floor, 'but I wonder,' he cleared his throat as he took the bottle of ink, 'there are many men who can do this, why did you never let someone else do it?'

'Would you have allowed another man to do this to me?' you asked with a taunting smile.

Sihtric looked at you, fighting a smile of his own, but he didn't answer you with words. And he didn't have to, because you knew his answer already.

'Thought so,' you chuckled, 'but that wasn't the only reason. I wanted a tattoo by your hand because you are my husband, and it will be a piece of you that I will have with me, forever. Too many times I feared you would never return from battle, Sihtric,' you looked up at him, 'too many nights I cried in our bed because I didn't know if I would ever see you again. And everything I have from you, your clothes and your jewelry, I know that all of those things are temporary. Those things could be taken from me or destroyed by accident in the blink of an eye. But this,' you reached for his neck and traced your fingers over his own tattoo, 'ink is not to be just taken from someone, unless my life will be taken from me. So this,' you pointed at your own neck, 'is a piece of you that I will carry with me for as long as I will live.'

Sihtric put the bottle back on the little crate and cupped your cheeks. He leaned in and lifted you up slightly, so he could kiss your lips firmly in response to your words.

'I love you,' he whispered, 'I love you more than I can ever say.'

'And I love you more than you will ever understand,' you smiled and kissed him back.

You then placed your head back on the soft furs in his lap, and you felt his warm fingers carefully move your hair away from the lines on your neck.

'If it hurts too much,' he said as he dipped the sharp comb teeth in the ink, 'you will have to tell me.'

'I will,' you promised, 'but this lasting memory of you will be worth every form of pain I could possibly feel.'

Sihtric smiled at you, and when you flinched faintly at the first sharp sting on your neck, he cooed at you and reassured you the unpleasant feeling was only temporary. And soon you were able to relax, closing your eyes as you heard the fire in the heart crackle while Sihtric hummed softly every now and then, while giving you that permanent reminder and symbol of your love for him. And while he etched the ink on your skin, Sihtric already knew that he wanted a tattoo done by you in return, for all the same reasons.

@mrsarnasdelicious @neonhairspray @sihtricsafin @errruvande @penumbrie @lexeirikrleif @diiickbrainn @thatawkwardlittlefangirl @bubblyabs @dixie-elocin @alexagirlie @stupiddarkkside @urmomsgirlfriend1 @gemini-mama @foxyanon @man-i-be-that-pretty-motherfuckr @thenameswinter99 @m-a-s-h-k-a @superblyzanynight @hernakedmuse @ewanmitchellfanatic @lady-targaryens-world @cosmosnkaz @stronger-than-steel @cheesesandwichsanto

[ewanmitchellcrumbs]

I’d love if you wrote a wifexAemond fic where she’s not from King’s Landing so has different style and takes a ton of effort to get a new dress made that’s more locally aesthetic and when Aemond doesn’t notice/insults it she gets upset and he’s like “the only time I like your dresses are when they’re on the floor” angst/comfort/smut yknow

In the spirit of the ask game, here is a tidbit for you...

She smooths her hands over the plush, forest green velvet, a sudden rush of self consciousness making her skin grow heated with embarrassment as her fingers move over the brocade of her bodice. The gown feels much too dressy, after two decades spent adorned in the light, flowing fabric of her home.

However, she is now the wife of a Prince Regent, and she looks out of place next to the elaborate garb of both the Queen and Queen Regent. Their dresses are always richly embroidered, colourful and expensive. They make her feel drab when stood next to them in lighter fabrics, far simpler in cut, not as elaborately tailored.

She had requested the gown to be made, hoping to impress her new husband by dressing in a style that is befitting of both royalty and the fashion of the capital.

She paces anxiously outside of the small council chamber, wanting him to see her the moment the meeting draws to its close. After what feels like an eternity, the doors are finally flung open and Masester Orwyle files out alongside Lord Wylde, Lord Strong and Lord Lannister. As always, Aemond is last to leave.

Her eyes light up and she smiles brightly as he finally steps out into the corridor, however, she withers as his eye sweeps quickly over her before striding down the corridor without acknowledging her.

She hurries to keep up with his much longer gait, walking quickly beside him as he stalks ahead.

"Husband, I trust your efforts to advance upon Harrenhal are going as planned?"

"Mmm," comes his cool response, not sparing her a glance. "'Tis not for you to concern yourself with. Are there not more domestic pursuits you could occupy your time with?"

Her face falls and she stops walking, watching as he continues on, before rounding the corner. She wants to cry, her chest tightening painfully at the rejection.

But of course he is right, they are in midst of a war, and it is not her place to attempt to involve herself, and thoughtless of her to attempt to distract his attention when he has more pressing matters to attend to.

She decides she will wait until he retires to their apartments for the evening. He will be less distracted then, and surely take notice of the effort she has gone to.

As they sup within their chambers later that evening, she places her spoon back in her bowl, looking across the candlelit table at him as he stirs his own around, features pinched in annoyance.

"Do you notice anything different, husband?" She ventures hopefully.

"Yes," he replies, allowing his own spoon to drop with a clatter. "The stew has grown yet thinner still, thanks to that fucking blockade."

He is right, of course, but it is not the response she had hoped for. The foolish whims of a silly girl, not appreciative of the burden her husband shoulders, yet his inattention to her stings just the same.

Unable to stomach anymore food, especially with the lump that rapidly forms within her throat, she stands abruptly, her voice small and tight sounding.

"If you will excuse me..."

"You are upset," he says, an observation, not a question.

The matter of fact nature of his tone finally causes the dam to burst and hot tears spill from her lashline, trickling down her cheeks.

"Yes, I am upset!" She cries, her tone angrier than she intends for it to be. "I went to great effort to have this dress made, hoping you would appreciate it, and you have not commented on it once!"

His eye narrows, blazing with anger as his mouth presses into a tight line, pushing his own chair back with a loud scrape across the flagstones.

She shrinks away, suddenly fearful as he stalks towards her. She is not fast enough to evade him, and harshly he grabs her arm, tugging her flush against his chest as he glares down at her.

"I toil day and night to ensure your safety, wife," he spits the word with such venom it makes her flinch, his breath hot against her face. "And you concern yourself with vanity. Mittys iksā!" You are a fool!

She lowers her gaze, bottom lip trembling as more tears slip down her cheeks. "Forgive me, I am sorry. I did not think."

His expression softens momentarily as he gazes down at her, before his eye darkens again. In one swift movement, his hands come to the front of her bodice, grabbing the fabric and tearing it in two, exposing the thin, white cotton of the chemise beneath.

She gasps, her eyes widening in shock, too stunned to speak as she looks upon the predatory smirk that his full lips curl into.

"You will remove the rest yourself and then lay upon the bed. I shall teach you that it is the body beneath that I am interested in, not the fabric that covers it up."

She is quick to obey, eager for her husband's attention to finally be upon her.

[damiansgoodgirll]

HEEEY! How is it going? 💗💗

happy holidays to you! (A little late tho lol)

I was wondering if you can do like a fluff and smut of Damian getting submissive for the first time, and he ends up sleeping on readers chest as the reader caresses his hair (it would be soooo cute😭😭) I really hope you’re comfortable to do it, I love your Damian’s fics a lot!

damian priest x reader

likes, comments and reblogs are very much appreciated!!

‼️smut, fluff, dom and sub themes, mention of safewords, restraint, aftercare‼️

give in

damian was always in control. always the one leading, guiding, taking. that was just how he was—commanding, strong, unwavering.

but tonight, he looked up at you with something different in his eyes. something raw. something vulnerable.

“i want you to take control love,” he murmured, voice low but sure.

you stared at him, processing his words. damian never let go, never surrendered. the idea of him giving that up—giving it to you—sent a slow, electric thrill down your spine.

he held your gaze, unwavering, waiting. you searched for hesitation, for doubt, but all you found was trust.

your heart softened. “are you sure?”

he nodded once, firm. “i want this. with you.”

heat bloomed in your chest, warm and intoxicating. damian, always the dominant one, was offering himself to you. trusting you.

you reached for his hands, tracing the lines of his fingers before lacing them with your “if you need me to stop—”

“i’ll tell you,” he promised. his voice was steady, but his hands twitched like they wanted to reach for control.

you squeezed them gently. “good.” then you guided him to sit, then kneel.

he obeyed without resistance.

a slow smile tugged at your lips as you ran your fingers through his hair, tilting his chin up so he was looking right at you.

“be good for me, damian.” and for the first time, he did.

you started slow, letting the shift settle between you. damian was used to leading, to taking. now, he followed.

your fingers traced the sharp cut of his jaw, tilting his head to the side. beneath your touch, his pulse beat strong and steady, but his breathing wasn’t as even as he wanted it to be.

“you’re doing so well,” you murmured, lips brushing against his throat.

his breath hitched, but he didn’t move, didn’t reach for control.his hands twitched at his sides, restless. you caught them, threading your fingers through his, feeling the strength there—the restraint.

“don’t,” you whispered. “let me.”

his exhale was shaky, but he nodded. slowly, you guided his hands behind his back. his muscles flexed beneath your touch, instinct and habit warring with trust.

“see?” you soothed, pressing a kiss to his temple. “you don’t have to do anything. just feel.”

his lips parted slightly, his jaw clenched like he was holding something back. he wanted you. he needed you. he needed to feel your naked body underneath him but he couldn’t, not tonight at least and that was okay. you didn’t need words. you leaned in, your breath ghosting over his ear. “damian, you don’t always have to be strong,” you told him, your hands sliding down his arms, over the lines of his shoulders. “you don’t always have to be in control.”

his throat bobbed as he swallowed, a silent war waging inside him.

so you kissed him—slow, deep, lingering.

he sighed against your lips, melting, letting go.

when you pulled back, his pupils were blown wide, his chest rising and falling in uneven breaths.

“color?” you whispered against his skin.

his voice was hoarse when he answered. “green.”

your lips curled.

“good.” you rewarded him with a soft kiss.

then, you smiled against his skin.

“now, be patient for me.” damian was not used to patience, no, he was used to control, to command, to taking what he wanted when he wanted it.

but you made him wait.

you let your fingertips ghost over him, teasing, never quite giving enough. your lips followed the path of your fingers, lingering, then withdrawing before he could get too much.

he shuddered, his muscles coiling tight “please,” he exhaled, barely more than a breath.

you hummed, pleased. “please what?”

his hands flexed behind his back. “more.”

“more?” you echoed, dragging your nails lightly down his back.

he sucked in a sharp breath.

“yes.”

you smiled, slow and knowing.

“patience, damian.”

your hands traced lazy patterns over his skin, mapping every inch, watching as his restraint frayed with every passing second.

“you’re holding on so well,” you praised “but i want you naked, on the bed, for me…now.”

he made a low sound in his throat, something between a growl and a sigh. he nodded before taking his hand and gently pulling him onto the bed.

you pressed a kiss to his jaw.

“all naked damian…for me” you murmured.

he obeyed. he wanted this more than you could imagine.

you couldn’t believe you had him in the same position he had you every night. you on top of him. he trembled beneath you, every muscle taut, breath uneven.

he looked desperate. he needed more but he waited.

and when you finally gave him what he wanted, the sound he made was almost a prayer.

your hand softly reaching out to his shaft, already hard and leaking with pre cum.

“don’t touch me, you can’t…” you whispered when you saw his hands trying to reach out for your fully covered body.

you were his weakness.

you loved watching damian fall apart.

he was always so composed, so in control. but here, now, he was raw. open. completely yours.

“damian…can i tie your hands to the bed?” you asked and he eagerly said yes. he trusted you with his own life.

his head fell back, exposing the long line of his throat. his lips parted, eyes fluttering shut as he surrendered. his hands stuck to the bed. he couldn’t reach for you. he wanted too.

you ran your hands down his chest, nails scraping lightly, making him shudder.

“good,” you murmured. “you’re so good for me.”

his breath hitched at the praise.

you kissed his temple, slow and sweet.

his eyes blinked open, hazy and dark. “y/n…mi amor….”

you hushed him gently, brushing your lips over his, swallowing the rest of his plea. his body sagged into yours, trusting you completely.

“let me take care of you…” you murmured as your hand traveled down once again “close your eyes damian, taste the moment.” and he did just as you asked.

he couldn’t see you but he could feel how you were moving. how you were moving your hand over his long and bare cock. how you were taking off your pants and how they fell on the ground. how you took your panties off and laid them on his naked chest.

how you sat on top of him, letting his dick squeeze your tight walls.

“fuck…” he whispered - moaned.

“do you like this?”

“fuck…si, si mi amor…” you knew you were torturing him and even though you were enjoying every moment of it, you needed to move or you were going to explode.

your movement was slow, up and down, bouncing on his cock, feeling him squeeze you from inside.

“i need more,” he murmured, trying to keep his eyes closed. the pleasure was too much.

“remember who is in charge damian…” you reminded him.

but you knew that if you kept this slow movements, you were going to torture yourself too.

so you gave in. bouncing faster on his dick. letting the pleasure taking the best of you. your head falling back, your hair all messy over your shoulders.

damian was imagining you like that.

with all those teasing, you knew he wasn’t going to last long - and you were about to follow him soon.

“i want you to scream my name when you cum” you ordered him. “i want everyone to know who’s making you feel this good…” you half screamed, half moaned as you were getting closer.

“oh fuck mi amor…” you felt him getting closer. his thighs began trembling. his chest rising. “y/n, fuck…my love…” - he couldn’t hold it anymore as he spilled inside of you. your walls squeezing him even harder as you came on top of him.

feeling your heart pumping faster, your eyes saw white as you tried to get your breathing back to normal.

but your priority was damian.

when it was over, when his breathing steadied and the tension melted from his limbs, untying his hands from the bed, you pulled him into your arms.

he buried his face in your neck, pressing a soft, lingering kiss to your skin.

you smiled, running your fingers through his hair, holding him close.

“thank you,” he murmured against you.

you kissed the top of his head. “always.”

he exhaled deeply, content and at peace in your embrace.

“was that okay?” you asked.

“it was more than okay…i loved every second of it…” he kissed your neck.

and for the first time, damian—who had always been strong, always been in control—felt something even better.

he felt safe.

[moonshynecybin]

i thinkkkkk this one is gonna be part of something larger but here's the first part of a fic (2.8k so far) where the first chapter is literally just rosquez having a conversation in an airport set around jerez 2024… i also wanted to add some good ole marquez brother goof arounds:

“Look, if you’re just gonna make fun of me—”

“No, please! I wanna hear the rest of this,” Alex says, leaning into Marc’s space and raising his eyebrows, goofy. It makes Marc let out a big laugh— full and loud. He stretches against the plastic of the airport gate seating, the movement pulling at overtired muscles. It feels like they’ve been here forever.

It’s been a long journey back to Spain— storm delays and rerouting stranding them in the airport for hours. They’re still here waiting for a connecting flight, puttering away next to their gate and shooting the shit. It’s been a good weekend —a podium for him— but he’s tired, and ready to be home.

“No no no no, I’m done.” He settles into his seat, pushing Alex’s face away from him. Alex cackles, and Marc points at him. “But you should do that professionally!”

Alex pulls one of his mild, exasperated faces, and it makes Marc smile wider. They’re probably being too loud. Marc doesn’t care.

“You know,” Alex points out, dragging out the last syllable of know so it sounds like knowwwww, “You are the world’s absolute worst loser.” 

Marc shrugs. “It’s a good thing, too— in our line of work you have to be.” He’s unrepentant. It’s how he’s built.

He ignores the face that Alex is surely making and leans down to rummage through his carry on, looking for headphones. For sure, if he has to lose to anyone, he’d prefer it was Alex. With him, the nagging bite of loss usually manages to morph into something lighter, more fun, just because he knows Alex won’t ever blame him for how he gets, how involved he can be in winning. That doesn’t mean he enjoys losing—he’ll never enjoy that—but it takes it back to being a game. None of the anticipation of a sour aftermath that he’s faced in the past, the wait for the other foot to drop, and the play to slide towards resentment without him noticing.

“I doubt losing at a video game will help you gain a competitive edge on the track,” Alex asserts dryly, turning his attention back to his phone and tapping open the Kindle app. He’s been obsessed with those fantasy novels, lately. “You can’t win at everything.”

“Trust me, I know,” Marc laughs, rubbing at his arm. He needs to call his PT. Whatever. “But! I don’t think that first thing is true.” Banishing the thought from his head, he leans over to poke Alex in the arm. Alex swats at his hand, not looking up from his book, and Marc pokes him again, harder this time. “I have a winner mentality.”

“You have a loser mentality. You just lost.” Alex is staring at what Marc thinks is the table of contents.

“Semantics.” Another poke.

Alex looks up, incredulous. Victory. 

“You were cheating! And you still lost!” 

“But you don’t have any proof of that.”

And Alex shakes his head like he can’t believe him, laughs again. “You are insufferable.”

Marc grins and Alex sighs, scrubs a hand over his head.

“I’m going to go grab some water. Maybe eventually they’ll let us board this fucking plane. You want anything?”

Marc shakes his head.

“No, I’m good.” He ate earlier. He opens his phone back up, thumbs over his home screen. Nothing looks exciting. He hasn't been on instagram so much lately– avoiding comments.

He sighs and contemplates opening his dating app. He doesn’t.

Nothing’s felt— he’s busy. 

It’s always been too much— too complicated with his schedule, with travel, timezones, turning over battles in his head. Braking maneuvers and tire pressure edging out any relationship before it got off the ground properly. Lately, since his arm, and since Alex had told him to go find someone— it’s been nagging more.

But no one gets it. Not like he does. And he’s just never found someone that felt like they were worth all of the effort it would take, keeping a relationship together in a life like his, bending himself around racing. There’s been flashes, some false starts, but nothing has ever–

He hears a distracted chuckle behind his back, a light sound, happy, and it hooks him, hard. A sucker punch. He glances over, his previous train of thought abandoned.

It’s— 

He's heard that laugh before. 

They haven’t seen each other— properly, actually exchanging words— since last year. The end of the season. They were both in the bathroom at the Lights Out Gala. Marc in a tux, Vale in a flannel. Marc had held the door for Vale as he had left. 

Vale, once he’d registered his presence, had thrown him a thin lipped, restrained smile, and thanked him. Asked him vaguely about his surgery. Moved on.

And now he’s on the phone, a few feet away, and he probably hasn’t even seen Marc yet. Instead, he’s chattering lowly, head slightly tilted as he drags a thumb over the handle of his suitcase.

Marc has to wonder if stuff like this happens to other people.

Alex hasn’t left yet, but is about to. He's noticed, of course he noticed, and he tugs on Marc’s sleeve, voice low. “You need me to stay?”

Marc shrugs, shakes his head. He's been around Vale before, after everything, in close quarters even. It's fine. 

He's had a lot of practice.

Those last few years, before Vale retired, after Argentina—after Sepang, really, though he maybe hadn’t processed it yet— he worked on it a lot. On taking Vale off of the pedestal, making him more of a person. On realizing he was always going to have a different relationship to Vale than Vale would to him.

He works hard at that distance, enforcing it, maintaining it. Tending to it.

And he had gotten somewhere better, once he had realized that. Had stopped trying to say hi to him every time he saw him. Vale is his hero, and he knows by know that that’s never going to change completely. The precise way his presence lights Marc up, makes him giddy, the disbelieving undercurrent that Valentino Rossi knows his name— but he also has come to terms with the fact that it's never going to be like he imagined when he was twenty, and he thought maybe he could matter as much to Vale as he did to Marc.

He knows that.

But it was an adjustment. It took some time. It’s better now. He's used to it.

Now, he can sit at an airport gate with him and ignore him.

He’s probably been staring at his phone screen a little too hard. 

“Allora— so, how have you been?” A voice asks, simply, closer to his ear than it should be. Of course.

He puts the emphasis on you, the full force of him narrowed on the word. Marc stays very, forcibly still. Projects calm.

Vale’s across from him, now, got there without him noticing. His legs are spread out wide in the seat across from Marc, hat pulled low and posture easy. His face is neutral— pleasant. Marc knows that means absolutely nothing.

Vale’s gaze charts over him, carefully, taking him in. Marc swallows, steels his jaw.

Vale has always had a way of observing. Leveraging that beam of attention. He doesn’t miss a thing, never has, and he looks good— tired, but relaxed, thin frame bundled up in a hoodie, hat pulled low over his forehead. Incognito mode, Marc remembers him joking sometime in 2013, after they had snuck out of the paddock to grab a drink at a bar post media day. But you always dress like that, Marc had said, probably too confidently, and Vale had laughed, had leant in and said Well, if I want them to recognize me, I just wear the Yamaha shirt.

Marc blinks. Vale’s eyebrows are raised, expectantly. He’s been quiet too long.

“Why?” He asks pleasantly. No use pretending.

“How have you been?” Vale asks, evenly, continuing as if Marc didn’t talk. “It has been a few months, yes? Since we’ve seen each other? The gala?” He looks away, shrugging. “I wondered about your arm– it seems better.”

“You could have texted.” Marc says, furrowing his brow. He's being overly serious, he knows, but he’s curious. He didn’t expect Vale to text, knew he wouldn’t actually. It still, despite it all, prickled at him. Whenever he was injured, before, Vale would always ask. He hadn't, anytime in the last four years, despite the severity of the injury.

So why is he asking now.

Vale huffs a laugh, swipes a thumb over his phone case, waves it lazily. “My number, it ah, leaked.” He makes a face. “I had to get a new phone a while ago. I don't think your contact made it over.”

It’s better than him deleting it. Better than Marc expected, to be honest.

It could also be a lie.

“Oh. Well.” Marc, says, unsure how to continue. He smiles at Vale anyways, lifts his good shoulder, combing through his brain for what he actually wants Vale to know about his arm. Not lying, just slightly to the left of the truth. He doesn't want anything getting back to Pecco, but Vale can sense insincerity from a mile off.

“I can't complain. The last surgery, it helped.”

Vale’s eyebrows jump, making a little grimace. “I heard, it did not look very pleasant.”

The documentary, Marc thinks, Did he watch the fucking documentary?

“—Now it’s just the bike? Managing the new braking style?” Vale asks. Marc cannot fucking remember the last time Vale asked him two questions in a row.

“Ah, you know. Trade secret.” Vale’s team is also vying for the GP25 — best to keep as much as he can close to his chest.

Vale raises an eyebrow and Marc folds like a cheap stack of cards.

He sighs. nods. Who cares. Vale’s watched him ride for years, he knows Marc still has a little bit to improve on the year old Ducati. He’s seen the data.

“Now it’s just the getting the bike, nailing the setup.” He goes for the PR version of the truth. Nevermind that his arm is still in PT three times a week. The Ducati is good— Marc is having more fun. Fighting at the front. Adjusting easier than he thought he would.

But it’s not a Honda. He needs a bit more time, and he needs– he needs the factory spec. And it looks like Jorge Martin might be the one to get it.

Vale nods, neutral, like the conversation’s ending, like he’s being gracious with Marc’s answer, letting him keep his emotions close— and a sharp, unexplainable feeling digs into Marc’s chest, that same way it did when he was watching him from the seat over in whatever press conference, those first few years. He wants to keep Vale talking. Wants him to keep looking at Marc, wants to— Marc doesn’t quite know, exactly, but it feels a lot like he does on track, when he just can’t quite keep himself from reaching for the win.

He speaks. Vale’s gaze snaps back to him, head following after, a little lazier.

“You? How's endurance racing? Missing anything about MotoGP?”

He says like he doesn’t know. Like he doesn't keep tabs. Like people don’t ask him about Vale’s results.

Anyways, it's hard to be involved in MotoGP and not hear about Vale, even when he’s been retired going into three years now. People talk, always eager for Marc’s opinion on his great rival.

There’s a quirk at the corner of Vale’s mouth. Like he’s won something. Marc curls a fist tight, ignoring the feeling that he’s given information away.

“Some things.” Vale replies, an odd glimmer to him. His brow furrows, then: “I miss how it was around ten years ago, more.”

Marc blinks.

“— Getting old, I mean. It was not so fun, there at the end. I could see everything I wanted to do, every move I would've made on track, ” He sits down across from Marc, leans back in his seat, long torso bending with his lazy posture, the mood shifts and he laughs. “But I was too old! It was harder.”

Of course that’s what he meant. Marc doesn’t— he doesn’t miss Marc. doesn’t think about him much at all, probably. Wasn’t saying he missed how it was between them, ten years ago, when they were friends. Marc knows that.

“I'm getting up there, now.” Marc jokes, “Acosta, he is on the horizon.” He’s not sure it lands, but Vale huffs a laugh anyways, rubs at his eyebrow.

“You?” Vale asks, incredulous. That x-ray quality is back in his vision. He always— He used to always get Marc that way, when he would dial in and make Marc think the words he was saying mattered to him. 

Vale shakes his head, shimmies a shoulder, wags a finger. “No no no no, don’t try that– you are still young, you cant talk to me about old.”

Marc grins. He doesn’t feel it so much, now, the years between them, but it’s a nice reminder of how good it felt, being the up and comer on the scene. The next Valentino Rossi. That was fun.

But he’s older now, has been in the paddock longer than almost anyone, just like Vale had– and he can feel it, dragging at his arm. can see it, in the lines under his eyes, the unfamiliarity of the faces around him.

He wonders how Vale did it for so long. That slow decline— new people popping up every day, ones who learned from him, perfected ideas he pioneered, then using them against him. 

He remembers how he felt on the podium yesterday, and decides not to ask. He leans back.

“Ehhhh, you are not really that much older than me.”

Vale’s expression doesn’t change, still set at his default neutrally animated, but something charges in the air, and Marc gets the sense he wants to say something, toying with the edge of the cliff.

Marc searches for something that won’t rock the boat. He settles on a compliment.

“Pecco was good this weekend— He beat me. You trained him well.”

Vale’s shoulders slide down, relaxing minutely. The charge slips away. Success.

“Ah, he’s a lot better than he was when you showed up at the ranch ten years ago, yes.” 

Marc leans forwards, “Hey!” So much for avoiding fraught topics.

Vale tilts his chin, considering. “What did you say about him? I don’t think it was flattering–”

“—That was ten years ago! I’m wrong ONCE.”

“Once is enough!”

“Apparently.” Marc hits back. 

And it’s good— they’re laughing, Marc thinks, he’s laughing— but that last bit, the apparently, hangs there, snagging in Marc’s mind.

Once is enough. Apparently.

Vale’s smile dies slowly, once it’s clear Marc isn’t about to continue, and it’s odd. Not fraught, for once— though Marc hasn't been the best at recognizing when it was in the past, but he’s pretty sure here. The moment dangles for a second, as they sit across from each other in an airport looking at each other. Vale’s face is doing that thing it was earlier, where he seems to be on the verge of some moment, and his mouth opens. For some reason, Marc flushes hot on the back of his neck. His skin feels tight, and their eye contact holds.

“All good?” It’s Alex, coming back with his Smartwater.

Vale sits up straighter, immediately, posture snapping into place. He nods at Alex, who ignores him, and slides back into his seat. He shrugs at Marc, a little in-joke. What did I do? it asks, fully knowing the answer. Alex has never been as shy as Marc is about his feelings concerning Valentino Rossi. 

And it's that above anything that makes Marc feel like he’s dunked his head in ice water, reality crashing in. The moment snaps as Vale tucks back into himself, leaving Marc off his balance. He feels dizzy and a little off kilter, like he’s done something wrong, like he’s gotten away with something, something illicit, which is ridiculous — he’s just been sitting here.

Nothing’s even happened. They've been two meters away from each other the entire time.

They haven’t even touched.

Vale’s eyes are boring into him, blue and clear. Alert. And Marc catches a flash of— concern, maybe, his brow is creasing— and it tugs at Marc, makes him want to glance back and make him feel easy, lift the corner of his mouth, shrug his shoulders and dismiss Alex’s chilliness. Makes him hot and nervy, out of his skin with the need to do something he doesn’t have a name for.

He smiles.

Maybe he is doing something wrong.

Vale smiles back, and it’s brilliant.

The flight attendant comes over the PA. They’re boarding.

[dekusdante]

Things that annoys me in the Jujutsu Kaisen Fandom

Sorry but this is going to be all over the place.

Am I the only one tired of the same trope being used when it comes to Gojo from JJK? In other words the enemies to lovers trope where the oc or reader is basically Utahime with out the name.

Like we all remember the episode where he gave out what type of person he was into which was a nice girl or something along those lines. I that as writers you have to take creative liberties but why are all the readers in these stories are exactly the same.

They either hate Gojo or is super easily annoyed at him. Jerks but its okay cause for some reason he loves them unconditionally. This is so annoying cause there is no push back from Gojo in these stories. Just him taking back the reader or waiting for them to return his feelings when in actuality he shouldn't.

Another thing that annoys me is why is it always the guy that's simping why can't it ever be the woman being madly in love and trying to win him over?

This enemies to lover trope has completely taken over the Reader x Gojo fandom and its so overused. Now I will admit there are some gems out there, but I just don't even bother reading anything that is enemies to lovers anymore. I'm just tired of reading the same thing over and over again with the same copy and paste formula/reader.

Also why is smut so strong on here. Like don't get me wrong those writers are killing it with the plot aspect but man does all the smut kill me. Like I want more plot these are really good and creative ideas but man the smut kills me lol. Still reading the plot but stop at the smut parts which is usually the end so we gucci.

Hmm, another trope I refuse to read in these are arranged marriage were we are supposed to be upset with the guy who is forced to marry someone they don't want too. Why? Well for starters it always start with the reader being mistreated by the guy for some reason and the reader putting up with it until something happens and the guy falls in love with them and has to gain both their trust and love again.

I can get behind this but they always make the guy so unredeemable in these that it would be crazy if she takes him back. [She always does] Another thing is we are supposed to hate the guy because he wants to remain faithful to the person he was with before the arrange marriage. Like why are we bashing a faithful man?

Another trope I hate is when the guy is always in the wrong. A while ago I read a Gojo x reader fic were reader was mad that Gojo couldn't spend a lot of time with her so she broke up. Okay valid even though I am sure this would have been addressed before or earlier in the relationship but okay. What annoyed me with this story is that she then goes on to get in a relationship with Nanami who then calls Gojo an idiot for losing a woman like her.

I could not believe what I read. Like what the hell did Gojo do? At this point Gege posted about Gojo's life and how the man is booked to the max and I couldn't help but think how distasteful it was to first make it appear as if Nanami would do something like that to Gojo and secondly pretend that they don't have more free time compared to him. Like Nanami even understood why Geto did what he did.

Anyway that's all I got for now. I am not here to argue but I would love to hear about what you think on this. A second opinion is always welcomed and if you have a trope you don't like then I would love to hear it.

Also if you have a story that you would like to promo then please do so in the comments. It is a okay if you want too. No pressure,

[burningcheese-merchant]

Merchant, what are some headcanons you have about silentlily/mystic cacao? (Aside from the ones we alr have, which I’m rlly grateful for btw🧚‍♀️) maybe even a small fic with one of these ships(I’m definitely not STARVED of content of these guys)

Do you think they have a change at redemption, and if so, would they be together with their respective ancients?

Also just so you know I got converted into the burning cheese cult the day I read your first ao3 fic about the ship, I was amazed by the writing and was craving for more, actually I’m the person named “cracker” that commented on your fics.

Thanks for feeding us with your amazing ideas 🙏🙏

CRACKER??? IS THAT REALLY YOU???

I'm so happy to hear from you again 😭😭😭 where have you been, I've missed you and your comments on my fics 😭😭😭 I love chatting with you man, it's so nice that you found me here

While I can't provide any fics right this second (my fic backlog is HUGE; for multiple stories/AUs/ships, not just BurningCheese. First one in line is a BurningCheese fic I've been sitting on for 2 months+ now. First chapter coming to AO3 soon (as in... tomorrow 👀)), I can provide headcanons at the very least. 3 each, for my old buddy 🫵❤️

Silent Salt never, ever takes off his helm. He is deeply uncomfortable showing his face to anyone, even his friends (it took them forever to learn what he looks like, even after literal years of friendship). The fact that he is not only willing to show his face to White Lily, but let her touch and remove his helm herself (that is HUGE), is a true testament to how much he trusts and cares for her

Silent Salt loves White Lily's hair. He thinks it's absolutely beautiful. She taught him how she braids it so he can do it for her, which he does every so often

I hc Silent Salt as being completely mute (like, he can't make any noise at all. As if he has no vocal cords, period. You can hear him breathing and that's it) and primarily using movement/body language to communicate his thoughts and feelings (and sign language as well, although he uses that to carry on longer and more articulate conversations). White Lily took the time to teach herself sign language so she could understand and communicate with him better, which he finds deeply touching as very, very few people have ever done that for him or anything nice at all really. Letting my personal characterization of + backstory for him slip a little here haha

While Dark Cacao and Mystic Flour are not particularly romantic (it's just not really who they are, nothing to do with not liking each other), they will both still make little gestures for each other. They take care to make each other's favorite tea, just how they like it. Flour will tuck stray strands of Cacao's hair back behind his ears when she notices them (and she always does. She pays closer attention to his face than anyone realizes). Cacao always asks Flour how her day has been, or if something is bothering her (he, too, is attentive to her face and facial expressions, and does notice subtle changes (which is also huge bc Flour wears the same damn face almost all the time lol)). Small things that actually mean quite a lot, because they stem from genuine love that does not need words or grand gestures to make itself known and understood

They are very polite and patient with one another, even when they're disagreeing (or even arguing). They will never talk over each other; they wait until the other has finished saying what they have to say before they respond. They feel a deep mutual respect for one another as individuals and try to maintain this, regardless of how tense their interactions may become

They sometimes exchange keepsakes unique to their cultures, as tokens of affection to hold onto and admire while they're apart. Scrolls, paintings, idols. Small things not really meant to take up space; just things that turn their heads or draw their eyes over for a moment and make them smile when they walk past them in the palace/Ivory Pagoda

Really makes me smile to see you again, dude. You really were there since day 1 and I'm grateful. And I'm glad I convinced you to ship BurningCheese in the first place! You and everyone else honestly 😂 it's both awesome and hilarious how many people have come to me saying I converted them to the ship. I feel I like I'm amassing a private militia lol. Gonna murder all other ships involving either character in their sleep. Gonna storm Devsis HQ and seize control of the writers' room. Gonna hoard nuclear weapons and take over the world

I hope you enjoy the stories I've written on here as well! They're mostly wholesome because as fun as Yandere Spice is, I genuinely do ship Burning Spice with Golden Cheese and want them to be happy and healthy, which is why I mainly prescribe them a slow burn romance + slow burn redemption arc for Spice lmao (they're all tagged #merchant shorts for ease of access. There are 9 in total I think. With more in the oven, because I keep forgetting to put my imagination on a leash most of the time. Trying to slowly work my way up to their wedding) I also hope you like the fan babies 👉👈 I put a lot of time and effort into creating them (please ignore my lack of artistic talent, I will improve eventually. Hopefully. I make up for it with my writing in the meantime), they're my little blorbo grandchildren

(As for that other question of yours... In my main canon + my Reformed Beasts AU (which... are kind of the same ngl lmao), yes, Flour and Salt can change. Any bad person can change their ways if only they cared enough to do so. It takes time and great effort, but eventually, they both turn over a new leaf, as all the Beasts do. As for whether or not they get together with their Ancients... wait and see. I like SilentLily and MysticCacao, but that doesn't necessarily mean they'll happen. You'll find out as I dump more stupid lore on here lol)

[jaylaxies]

KINKTOBER DAY 27 — CORRUPTION KINK

PAIRING: sunoo x fem!reader

GENRE/CW: smut, unprotected sex, manipulation, corruption kink, best friend!sunoo, usage of nicknames.

WC: 1k words

WARNING: 18+ content, minors dni

A/N: hihi, angels! i have a fic for sunoo aaa so excited to post this, i hope you like it :3 all likes, comments, reblogs and feedbacks are highly appreciated! iloveyou all <33

✎ kinktober masterlist

“Please, won’t you help me?”

Asking your best friend for help would be your final and only resort, granted that you trusted no one else with your situation but him. 

Kim Sunoo, your best friend and the guy who is loved by everyone, his smile too contagious, actions too pure, making everyone think that he’s the purest soul on earth. 

Which is why approaching him is easy, given he’s always there to listen to your problems, providing you with the most comforting hugs known to mankind. His words of affirmation made everything better.

And he was aware of your interest in the new guy on the campus, although he did warn you as the guy happened to have fuckboy tendencies—said the gossip blog of your university on Twitter. 

Yet you wanted to push your luck and give it a try. Problem? You hadn’t ever kissed anyone before, fucking is way out of line, and knowing the guy, you’d probably have to be experienced to gain his attention. 

There’s no one else you’d trust with something so personal, so intimate. You know that Sunoo doesn’t engage in these kinds of activities, but he’s still got more experience than you, which is why you wanted to give it a shot by asking him for help. 

By asking him to teach you the basics—kissing, touching, fucking, and whatever he was willing to teach. 

The idea itself sounds a bit twisted to you, but your desperation speaks louder than your sanity. 

“Babe, please think it twice, you won’t get your firsts back ever,” Sunoo tried to reason with you, despite being excited on the inside. 

He was waiting for this day. He might have the pretty face and a pretty soul persona, but he can very well be selfish and manipulative for the things he’s desperate for, which also includes you. 

The opportunity is perfect for him to give you everything you had ever desired. Being your best friend came with perks, now he knew exactly what you craved in a man, and Sunoo would give you all of that, while pretending to be helping you, because there’s no way he would actually try to get you with the good for nothing guy. 

You nodded, holding his hand, “I trust you, Sun. But of course, only if you’re comfortable with it too, I don’t want to ruin our friendship,” you say. 

Sunoo smiles gently, soothing your nerves, “of course, anything to help my princess,” he pulled you in a hug, and you smiled at how easy it was to communicate with him. 

“We’ll start off slow, yeah?” He promised, and you gulped while nodding. 

His eyes had a certain gleam to them, the kind you had never seen before and it excited you more than it should have, “trust me and follow whatever your body asks you to do,” he whispers, pulling you closer and you comply, his grip tightened as you sat on his crotch. 

Sunoo was sly, but also elated beyond words when he held you so close, sniffing your perfume which he was obsessed with, capturing your lips in a soft kiss, trying his best to hold back his emotions. 

He’s wanted this for so long. 

You couldn’t breathe, the feeling was something you had read about, and it was just as magical, especially in the way Sunoo held you so gently, the tingles on your lips making you moan without any control over yourself. 

He wanted this, he wanted you to immerse yourself in Sunoo, give him your all while taking whatever he provides you with, turning you into some sort of personal toy, who won’t be able to work without him. 

You couldn’t stop kissing him that day. Maybe it was the excitement of learning something new, yet it had you in a chokehold. You were eager, calling Sunoo the very next day to practice some more. You were shy, but you genuinely wanted to learn, at least that’s what you convinced yourself. 

Sunoo acted gentle each time, practicing kissing with you but also leveling it up a notch as he touched you all over your clothes, your mind fuzzier than ever. 

His excuse, “he is very touchy, you should be prepared for it, princess,” Sunoo had told you, and you nodded, breathless. 

You let him do everything, teach you everything. From kissing, to touching, to pleasing one’s cock, to getting eaten out, to being fucked dumb. Sunoo taught you everything, memorizing your body as he went on, letting his carnal desires take over as he got more aggressive over the time.

Before you knew it, you were begging, touching yourself late at night, crying and whimpering because it didn’t feel as good as it did when Sunoo touched you. 

“Pathetic,” he scoffed, seeing you in despair over the fact that you needed Sunoo to feel good.

He was successful, you couldn’t do a thing without him, your body ached for his touch, the thought of others never once entering your mind which was already full of Sunoo. 

“Can’t even make herself feel good,” he clicked his tongue, his cock teasing your wet entrance, collecting and smearing your juices all over his cock, “always begging me to touch her pretty little cunt.”

“S—Sunoo! Please,” you cried out, and he smirked at the sight of you being so broken, so corrupted, all because of him. 

“Shh, be a good girl and take it,” he whispered, slamming his cock into your cunt, his tip hitting the g-spot as he bottomed out, courtesy of your juices, which provided the best lubrication. 

You couldn’t help but moan, tears flowing uncontrollably as your nails dug into his back, leaving scratch marks as you held on to him for support. 

It felt like heaven. Sunoo felt like an angel in its demonic form. 

You wiggle as your whole body spasms with excitement, the familiar knot building up in your abdomen, his own thickness twitching inside the confinement of your warm walls. 

All it takes is a couple of thrusts and you both come undone, gasping for air but rushing for a kiss, as if it’s more important than mere air to you. He keeps his cock inside, filling you up with his warm seeds, ruining you once and for all. 

You couldn’t be anyone else’s, not when you’ve got Sunoo. 

THANK YOU FOR READING!

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© jaylaxies | tumblr

[classiccowboy]

instagram j.b.

summary: follow along with joe and his girlfriend evie as they go through his football career.

*this was originally a yn fic but i made some changes*

*face claim is Yasmin Quintana*

part one. part two.

joeyb_9

liked by breezyevie, sam_hubbard_, and 352,027 others

joeyb_9: Bye week beard

view all 2,967 comments…

user: all of a sudden i’m a football fan

> breezyevie: how i felt 4 years ago when i seen him in uniform for the first time.

user: ON TOOOOOP

user: love me some jeaux burreaux

breezyevie: STUD 🥵

> joeyb_9: you like the beard huh?

user: you’re a beast bro!

breezyevie

liked by joeyb_9, sam_hubbard_, bengals, and 209,326 others

breezyevie: joe beard (hot boi behavior)

view all 2,159 comments…

user: ur so fine

millyg: i guess now it’s go eagles

> breezyevie: it will NEVER be go eagles!

user: good luck today!

user: this dude is such a shitshow

> breezyevie: don’t make me get mean on ig.

user: praying for speedy recovery. that was tough to watch.

joeyb_9: where did you find this guy?

> breezyevie: he sat beside me in freshman orientation class and i didn’t stand a chance. total hunk. 🤩

user: overrated

breezyevie

liked by sam_hubbard_, joeyb_9, and 387,927 others

breezyevie: jb I hate that this is the way your first season ended, but I know you’ll be back kicking ass next season and i can’t wait to watch. i love you so much joey!

view all 1,674 comments…

user: send me joes number

> breezyevie: #9

> user: stop. this is funny. 🤣

user: get well soon joe!

user: sis try again because this is my man.

> breezyevie: oh that’s my b.

user: watching joe burrow play football is my favorite thing to do in life.

> breezyevie: there are few things i love more. 🧡

joeyb_9: it’s football baby.. lucky to have you with me when times are tough.

> breezyevie: 🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡

user: get a better o line and bulk this guy up

lahjay10_: the come back is always greater than the set back!

user: they just need to draft a new qb

user: we miss you out here joey!

> breezyevie: trust me he misses it too!!

breezyevie

liked by joeyb_9, lahjay10_, and 216,773 others.

breezyevie: lots of questions about jb’s recovery… well long story short he’s a beast. y’all ain’t ready for it.

view all 2,198 comments…

user: such a cutie pie

user: i want him to have my babies 💋💋

> breezyevie: oh. i don’t quite think that’s how it works.

> millyg: you need to stay out of your own comments 🤣

user: so when are yall getting married?

> breezyevie: @joeyb_9 i’m trying to be an NFL wife.

user: hope he never comes back.

> breezyevie: dude. effff offf.

joeyb_9: the fun begins..

> breezyevie: go baby!

user: nice squidward hat 🤣

user: stay on the couch.

joeyb_9

liked by breezyevie, bengals, lahjay_10 and 250,314 others

joeyb_9: See you in September

view all 9,765 comments…

user: unreal turn around!

user: need a girlfriend?

> breezyevie: it’s like i’m not even here. 😢

bengals: see you soon!!!

user: I need those fantasy points from you bro

user: this dude is dog water

> breezyevie: what an unintelligent thing to say.

user: you still suck!

breezyevie: comeback king. 👑

> joeyb_9: i wouldn’t have been able to do any of this without you.

user: Can’t wait to see you out there whoopin’ ass

breezyevie

liked by millyg, joeyb_9, bengals, and 349,927 others

breezyevie: highlights.. i already miss it. i’m always so proud of you jb. 🧡🤍

view all 2,489 comments…

user: serious inquiry.. i’d love to smoke a backwood with joe b

joeyb_9: i love u

user: he should be posting more about you, you have stood by him for so long.

> breezyevie: this is you creating a problem where there’s no problem. (:

millyg: it’s always fly eagles fly

> breezyevie: this is becoming a serious issue

user: you are gorgeous! lucky joe!

> joeyb_9: i am so lucky

breezyevie ig stories

[landososcar]

so high school ; JB5

pairing(s) ; jude bellingham x singer!reader , jude bellingham x student!reader

summary ; twitters favourite new(ish) artist drops her new album right during her school year.

warnings ; nothinggggg & mainly just fluff bc i love happy people

note ; SORRY ITS SHORT AHHAHA, i’ll post a new lando fic soon i just have no inspiration… ignore any dates that are wrong or don’t match - im lazy. also this is VERYYYY LOOSLY based off so high school lol (it’s mainly the aristotle line)

instagram !

liked by judebellingham, taylorswift, and others

youruser surprise !!!!! as an end of term present (for myself🤭🥳) and in honour of knowing the loml for 15 years, here’s 15 new songs for you guys to (hopefully) enjoy 😊 noah, thank you for trusting me and letting me join you on what might be one of my favourite songs ever!! i loveeee youuuu. && to my jude<3 thank you for inspiring me every single day of our lives. i love you bigger than the whole sky 🩵🩵 (guys he’s actually v v talented and he helped me write scared of my guitar, hard to sleep, and feels like) j, you are my safe place and these songs — especially the ones i haven’t let you hear yet — are for you.

ps guys idk how to only write happy songs but jude is the only one who makes me feel safe enough to express my emotions through my songs 😁 i looooovvveee him and am NOT 🙅‍♀️ breaking up with him. he is stuck with me forever💞

‘the alchemy’ is YOURS tonight at midnight 💓

view all comments

user1 WHAT

user2 YOU CANT JUST DROP THIS ON US WTF

oliviarodrigo my girl💞💞 i’m so so soooo excited😭

user3 GIRL I KNOW YOU DIDNT JUST CALL THE ALBUM ‘the alchemy’ FOR NO REASON. WHERE TF IS THE TITLE TRACK I KNOW YOUVE GOT HER SOMEWHERE

youruser jude and i love the alchemy the most out of all the songs and wanna keep her just ours for a little bit longer but maybe if you guys enjoy these songs i’ll let you have my baby

user4 YNAJDKJSKDKDIS

user5 WHATTTT songs did she not let jude hear omfg i need to know

youruser he’s heard them all except for daylight, paper rings & so high school lollll

judebellingham refreshing my spotify every minute til midnight you guys don’t understand she’s kept these songs in a VAULT

user6 jude i know you love spotify but apple music get new music 10 minutes early xxx

judebellingham just made an apple music account

user7 TEN MINS TIL THE ALBUM OF THE YEAR DROPS

taylorswift so so proud of you beautiful 🩷🩷

judebellingham I LOVE YOU SO FUCKING MUCH

judebellingham putting ALLLL of these on the pre-game playlist

youruser babe idk if some of these will pump you up before a game

judebellingham hearing your voice will pump me up idc how sad the song is xx

user8 why’s no one talking about how she’s in UNIVERSITY and dropped a FIFTEEN song album like …??? she’s INSANE. WHERE did she find the TIMEEE

user9 not to mention she lives with him in madrid and does school online coz her uni is in the uk

user10 she’s insane i don’t understand how😭😭

imessages !

instagram !

youruser just posted to their close friends story.

twitter !

instagram !

liked by judebellingham, trentarnold66, and others

youruser surprised my fav person in the uk for his england game and he scored for me 😆🩵🩵

view all comments

user1 she wrote “you know how to ball” and he said “yeah” then scored a goal and did a celebration for her😭

user2 zoom in on pic 6 and you’ll see me laying on the road waiting to be run over

judbellingham ‘unemployed girlfriend’ but you’re the greatest singer on earth while also doing online uni full time and you still make time to be able to come see me

youruser it’s coz i love you so so bad

jobebellingham you make me sick

youruser i love u too jobeyyyyyy

england our favourite visitor💙💙

user3 how does she do all this whilst going to uni😭😭😭

oliviarodrigo 💖💖💖

judebellingham I LOVVVEEEE YOUUUUU

user4 i NEED the top in pic 8 where is it from

youruser i found it on depop and HAD to buy it😭😭 i think someone made it x

chappellroan HOTTTTT (you not ur bf)

youruser I WOULD DIE FOR YOU MY WIFE💓💓💓💓💓💓💓💓

user5 i don’t understand how you write sad songs like the ones on your album if ur ‘in love with jude’

user6 jude deserves better than someone who’s so caught up on and still writes songs about her exes

user7 WHYS NO ONE TALKING ABOUT THE LYRICS SHE POSTED ON TWITTER IM GOJNG INSANE

user8 LITERALLY?/!;!!/;@:8@ LIKE ??????? “WHERES THE TROPHY? HE JUST COMES RUNNING OVER TO ME” IS SO JUDE CODED WHEN Y/N IS AT LITERALLY ANY OF HIS GAMES

user7 EXACTLYYYYY HE ALWAYSSS RUNS TO HER IMMEDIATELY AFTER HES ALLOWED TO DO HIS OWN THING. ITS FUCKING ADORABLE

user8 IM SO GLAD SOMEONE UNDERSTANDS ME

user7 were both insane let’s get married

user8 dm me right now wife

youruser liked the comments in this thread

imessages !

instagram !

liked by taylorswift, jobebellingham, and others

youruser lol little life update coz i’ve been m.i.a. for the last almost two months. 1: i went blonde again. 2: my man still as fine as ever. 3: got engaged or whatever lol. 4: slaying up exams. 5: i miss tour so i decided imma come back and see you all soon 🤭🤭 tour dates soon <3

ps in honour of becoming fiance or whatever🤗 the alchemy and 4 other songs are yours on the deluxe version of ‘the alchemy’ ,, out tonight !!!

view all comments

user1 WHAT THE FUCK

user2 GIRL LET US BREATHE

harrykane juudddeeeeee!!! congrats🥳❤️

declanrice mr bellingham that is a ROCK

user3 SHE DISAPPEARED FOR TWO MONTHS AND THEN CAME BACK AND DROPPED ALL OF RHAT ON HS

gracieabrams OMG WIFE IS GONNA BE A WIFE

user4 BLONDE YN IS BACK AND SHES A FIANCÉ OH MY GOD

judebellingham WIFE WIFE WIFE‼️‼️‼️

youruser not yet my love but so close🥰

judebellingham I CANT HEAR YOU MY WIFE IS AN ACADEMIC AND LYRICAL GENIUS

user5 she’s still writing break up and sad songs whilst engaged… so weird

user6 yeah and jude helps her,, he must be so disgusted right? seriously get a life and go touch grass

taylorswift so so happy for you 💓💓

youruser 🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶 i love you

user7 TOUR TOUR TOUR TOUR TOUR

england juddeeeeee💙 sooo happy for you two

trentarnold ❤️❤️❤️

user8 how girl just gonna casually drop a ENGAGEMENT announcement in the middle of a photo dump

user9 REALLLL LIKE THATS A BIG ASS RING TOO

noahkahanmusic YESSSSS🤍🤍🤍🤍

user10 HOWWWW is miss girl gonna find time in her schedule to do uni, make music, keep a healthy relationship, AND TOUR

judebellingham mrs*

my other works !