#triggered by stress or dehydration probably

[eirianerisdar]

hey just a note for the bunch of people who've sent asks for director's commentaries, or just generally sent lovely messages about my fics - I wanted to get to a couple more of those today but my health is acting up again, so I'm going to go to bed instead.

I'll get to answering more asks tomorrow <3

[embbarnes]

Подарок. | W.S

summary: You give the soldier a present for Christmas.

warnings: Fluff & Angst | Fem!reader | Winter Soldier!Bucky | Post!CA:TWS | PTSD mentions | Mention of medical treatments | Recovery | Brief talk of nightmares

a/n: Sort of unofficial part two to Sugar Plums since I had a few people asking for a part two. Same universe I guess, with some time between. Uhh probably rushed idk. To be edited later. ;; wc: 3.3k

Recovery.

Fickle, fragile, exhausting.

He gradually accepted being called Bucky, though the name stirred something uncomfortable within him each time it reached his ears. Steve, ever persistent and hopeful, would use various versions of the name - Bucky, Buck, or sometimes James - in his unwavering attempts to resurrect the friend he once knew, unable to accept that the Bucky from his memories had faded away like footprints in snow.

Winter had completely erased the old Bucky.

While these names would trigger a subtle internal struggle, he maintained an almost perfect mask of indifference, with only the slightest furrowing of his brow betraying any sign of his inner turmoil.

You, however, carefully navigated between calling him Bucky and Soldat, aware that using his old code name might reinforce programming you wished to help him break free from. Yet there was a slight relaxation in his shoulders when you used the familiar designation, the way it seemed to ease the constant tension he carried made it impossible to completely abandon - his comfort, however small, had become your priority.

Even if that comfort stemmed from a dehumanizing name.

It required negotiation and persistent discussions to convince Tony to finally allow the soldier access to the medbay wing for his necessary medical treatments. Despite the soldier's extended stay in the tower passing without any concerning incidents, Tony maintained a strong hesitation about providing medical assistance. His deeply-rooted skepticism and apparent distrust were sources of frustration for you, though you consciously chose to avoid escalating the situation into a full-blown argument, knowing it would only make matters more complicated.

You had already gotten into intense scuffles with Tony over the soldier’s stay, how he needed to be looked over, physically and internally. The dislocated arm Steve caused never healed, and he had been carrying his arm awkwardly close to his body. Other physical injuries on top of the apparent dehydration and malnourishment, he was constantly under a veil of sickness.

The situation was particularly delicate because Soldat struggled with being in the presence of the other tower residents. He was acutely aware of how everyone seemed to cautiously moderate their behavior around him, treating each interaction as if they were navigating through a minefield of potential triggers. Like they were walking along eggshells every time they were near him.

It felt like he was walking on glass.

You were his only source of comfort, though traces of caution still lingered in his demeanor. He knew you posed no threat to his wellbeing. You had been patient and gentle the entire time, regardless of his panic or prone sense to lash out if he got stressed enough.

Long nights stretched endlessly in the sterile medbay rooms, where you faithfully maintained your vigil in the uncomfortable chair positioned beside the standard-issue medical bed. The soldier’s bed remained empty, as he consistently chose to rest on the cold floor instead. Sleep was an elusive companion for him, a nightly battle he rarely won. More often than not, his rest was violently interrupted by his own terrified screams or desperate shouts, his body jerking upright with defensive movements, arms swinging at invisible threats.

You would spend countless minutes trying everything in your power to bring him back to reality and calm his frantic state. Sometimes, despite your best efforts and gentle words, the situation would escalate beyond your ability to manage, forcing the medical staff on standby to intervene with sedatives to prevent him from unintentionally causing harm during these episodes.

Luckily his recovery progressed slowly but surely, transitioning from those intensive IV treatments in the clinical environment of the medbay to the more comfortable setting of your personal quarters. His sleeping arrangements evolved as gradually as his treatment; first from the hard floor, then to the modest couch tucked against the far wall, and finally to your bed.

These days, he found his rest beside you each night, his body instinctively seeking comfort by curling close to yours, desperately trying to make up for all those decades of disturbed sleep and haunted dreams.

Over time, his attachment to you had grown increasingly intense, and he began experiencing waves of jealousy whenever your attention was directed elsewhere. You helped around the tower a lot, so you tended to be distracted with tasks or aiding in another’s need. The soldier didn’t like it, so he began leaving his mark on you. It started subtly at first, he would rub your clothes on himself, in his mind it was good enough that you smelled like him. He saw it in a documentary once, of animals, but he had been in such a dehumanized state for so long, it made sense to him. His body’s scent on you, others would back off. That would work.

But, no, it wasn’t enough.

One day, crossing an unspoken boundary between you, he started placing love bites along your skin, positioning these tender marks from your neck down to your shoulders, eventually becoming bold enough to venture lower, marking your chest with these plum bruises.

The possessive displays sent warmth coursing through your body, and you willingly accepted his territorial behavior. After all, you had become his sole source of comfort and security in this world, making it perfectly natural for him to want to claim you in some way - whether through his distinctive scent (you knew about him rubbing your clothes on his body) or these carefully placed marks. His need to establish this connection, to make his claim visible, he was terrified you’d be taken from him.

Progress was being made in your relationship.

While he was still cautious with physical contact, he had begun to allow gentle touches and brief moments of closeness, though always within carefully maintained boundaries. He was like a cat, deciding when he wanted physical attention and when he wanted it to stop. The challenge of memory recovery remained a significant hurdle in his healing process. You had to help him remember specific things, he often mixed Russian and English, or plainly forgot the simplest of words.

He couldn’t for the life of him remember what a pillow was.

When Steve would speak to him, sharing stories and memories of their past, Bucky would often find himself lost in confusion, unable to connect with the vivid recollections that Steve so enthusiastically shared. The determination in Steve's eyes was evident as he tried desperately to help his lost friend remember the bond they once shared, but for Bucky, these memories remained frustratingly out of reach.

Steve's enthusiasm was well-intentioned, but sometimes, it manifested as an overwhelming flood of information and expectations. You could sense Bucky's growing distress during these interactions, the way his shoulders would tense, how his eyes would dart anxiously around the room. The stark reality was that Bucky's memories of Steve were minimal at best, yet Steve continued to share detailed accounts of their past experiences with increasing intensity.

Your became a careful mediator, providing emotional support to Bucky while gently helping Steve understand that his passionate approach was more hindering rather than helping the delicate process of memory recovery.

Bucky would get frustrated with himself during his journey of recovery. His collection of journals became a sanctuary for his fragmented memories, filled with carefully preserved photographs (provided by Steve), detailed notes written in an unsteady hand, and hastily scrawled thoughts or recollections that would suddenly surface from the depths of his consciousness throughout all hours of the day and night. These journals became both a source of comfort and torment, evidence of his struggle to piece himself back together like a puzzle without a photo.

Even with help from you or Steve, he maintained strict control over his recovery process. He deliberately chose not to document anything that Steve mentioned or tried to convince him of, instead focusing solely on recording memories that emerged organically from within his own mind.

Having experienced decades of mental manipulation, he didn’t want anyone influencing his thoughts or memories ever again. He couldn't bring himself to simply accept Steve's version of events without questioning them, needing to verify everything through his own recollections.

You knew it hurt Steve to see Bucky this way, how he refused to listen or believe him, but you couldn’t blame the man. Either of them, really. It was delicate, it took a lot of patience on everyone’s part.

Bucky’s dedication to recovering his past manifested in sleepless marathons that would stretch on for days at a time. The soldier within him approached the task with military precision, attempting to reconstruct his shattered memories in a specific manner. Yet despite his efforts, the majority of his recollections remained disjointed and fractured, with memories of his time with HYDRA dominating his consciousness more than anything else.

While Bucky was trying to recall his elusive past, you dedicated yourself to helping him build new neural pathways and retain more recent experiences, hoping to make his daily life more manageable and give him a sense of independence. The simplest tasks had become foreign territory for him - the muscle memory and basic understanding of everyday activities having slipped away like water through cupped hands. Modern appliances like microwaves, coffee makers, or the oven had become objects that he approached with confusion.

His relationship with food had become particularly concerning. Unable to prepare proper meals, you would find him furtively consuming makeshift sandwiches, but only when he believed he could finish them before being discovered. His posture during meals was hunched, protectively positioning himself over his plate or bowl, shoveling food into his mouth at an alarming pace, his entire body tense as though preparing to defend his meal from unseen threats.

Food aggression, apparently, wasn't restrictive to just animals.

Among the numerous concerns, his recurring nightmares stood out as the most troubling and pressing issue. The frequency and intensity of these night terrors had become increasingly worrisome, regardless of how well he had progressed otherwise.

Night after night, his anguished screams would pierce the darkness, and these episodes gradually evolved into extended periods where sleep became completely impossible for him to achieve. Bucky would remain awake for days and nights at a stretch, fighting against his own exhaustion, scribbling nonsense into his journals until his body would finally surrender and he would collapse into a brief, troubled slumber.

This cycle would repeat, each time more severe than the last.

Your began looking into different methods that might help ease his troubled sleep so that Bucky could experience the simple luxury of peaceful rest. Your research led you through a wide array of options; from various herbal teas and natural sleep remedies to more conventional medical interventions. However, given his strong aversion to pharmaceutical solutions, you deliberately steered clear of medication-based approaches, knowing they would likely be met with resistance.

Over time, you discovered that a soothing routine of warm herbal tea and gentle companionship proved to be an effective remedy for his nightmares. The nightly ritual of sharing your sleeping space had become second nature, and you observed how this consistent presence brought him the comfort and stability his life lacked for seven decades. His sleep patterns were delicately intertwined with his emotional state, thus during periods of anxiety or perceived threat, his rest would become noticeably disturbed and fitful.

However, your unwavering presence served as a constant source of reassurance, creating a safe haven where he could finally find peaceful rest. Plus, it helped him regain new memories to write down and you could see how proud he was every time he recounted something from his past.

Christmas morning.

Every corner and crevice of the tower sparkled with festive décor, tinsel draped from every available surface, and twinkling lights illuminated the halls in a dazzling display. It was an extravagant winter wonderland that bordered on excessive, but that was exactly Tony's style - he approached every holiday with unbridled enthusiasm, and Christmas was undoubtedly his crowning achievement.

With his seemingly limitless resources at his disposal, there was nothing holding him back from creating the most elaborate celebrations possible.

Aka…he was rich so he could.

In contrast to Tony's lavish approach, you took a more modest approach when it came to gift-giving. The act of receiving presents always made you somewhat uncomfortable, as you found far more joy in being the one doing the giving. You selected meaningful presents for each team member, carefully considering their individual interests and preferences. You couldn't match Tony's extravagant spending (something he never failed to remind everyone of that morning), but you firmly believed that the genuine thought and personal consideration behind a gift carried far more significance than its monetary value (Tony disagrees).

Bucky perched uncomfortably at the far end of the plush couch, his posture tense and rigid while the other team members enthusiastically tore through their wrapped presents with childlike excitement. Your general annoyance with Tony's characteristic swagger and showmanship failed you this morning, a warmth spread through your chest at the genuine joy radiating from Pepper's face when she discovered the exquisite diamond ring he had carefully selected for her and presented after she freed it from the tight wrapping paper.

You stayed by Bucky all morning, carefully observing his reactions to the bustling holiday atmosphere. It was clear he was struggling to process the overwhelming sensory experience and you didn’t blame him. The twinkling lights and shimmering tinsel to the constant chatter and laughter of the group, on top of holiday music and the smells of breakfast and baked goods from the kitchen, were surely a lot to process. His discomfort grew and you recognized the telltale signs of sensory overload in his slightly widened eyes and shallow breathing. The social expectations was clearly taking its toll.

He had wanted to try, he wanted to sit down with you that morning, but he had been struggling.

Your gift pile was modest, exactly as you had requested. You insisted that presents weren't necessary, you found yourself the recipient of a generously stuffed Christmas stocking and an assortment of small, meaningful items carefully chosen by your teammates in a way that made it impossible for you to object to their kindness.

When Steve presented Bucky with a collection of carefully preserved mementos from their past, but the soldier's response wasn’t what he wanted. His eyes fixed on the items that should have sparked recognition, should have ignited memories of happier times, but instead were met with blank confusion and growing distress. You sensed the uncomfortable scene and noticed the mounting anxiety in Bucky's expression, you decided to intervene with a present you got for him.

"Here, I got this for you." You handed him a carefully wrapped bag with delicate tissue paper peeking out from the top, rustling softly with each movement. "Nothing all that special but...I figured it might be nice to have something like this." You replied gently, your voice carrying a hint of nervousness as you watched him, waiting with anticipation for him to open the gift.

Bucky held the bag tentatively, his eyes fixed on the festive baby blue packaging adorned with an intricate pattern of darker blue ornaments. The glitter-coated decorations caught the light as they spiraled across the surface of the bag. He had to blink a few times to refocus his eyes, his hand slowly reached up and grasped the white tissue paper that had been carefully arranged at the top, concealing the gift. He pulled it free, soft crinkling sounded as he removed it.

He reached into the depths of the bag, his fingers brushing against something soft before grasping it. As he drew it out, his hand revealed a charming stuffed elephant, its plush grey body soft to the touch. The toy was perfectly proportioned, with endearing fat limbs that dangled naturally from its tear-shaped body. Its oversized ears flopped gently and its trunk curved in a friendly manner that seemed to welcome embrace. The stuffed animal sat comfortably in his hands, sized just right for holding close and cuddling.

"Elephants are known for their memories, you know." You gave him a gentle, encouraging nudge, your voice soft and hopeful. "Who knows? Maybe having this elephant around will help spark some of those lost memories of yours. They say elephants never forget, after all."

Bucky turned to face you, his expression one of confusion and curiosity. His eyes held that familiar, guarded look the soldier usually carried - a careful blend of wariness and interest that never quite revealed his inner thoughts. He examined the stuffed toy with an almost childlike fascination, as if encountering one for the first time.

His flesh hand explored every detail of the plush elephant with careful attention, fingers trailing along the soft fabric. He wrapped them around the trunk, testing its flexibility, then moved to rub the floppy ears between his thumb and forefinger, then squeezing the body gently as if checking its softness.

"There's something else too." You smiled warmly, gesturing toward the bag with enthusiasm. "Go ahead, take another look." He complied, reaching in until his hand emerged clutching a brand new journal. Following the theme, the journal was decorated in a soothing light blue shade, its cover stamped with a delicately printed elephant in the center. "I noticed your other journals were getting pretty full, so I thought you might need a fresh start. This one's got plenty of space, lots of room for all those thoughts and memories you want to keep safe."

His hands gently set the items down after examining each one carefully, his eyes lingering on every detail as if trying to memorize them. Then he turned to you, his expression unreadable. "You...got these...for me." Bucky spoke slowly, each word carefully chosen, as if he was having trouble processing the simple act of kindness. "To help me remember?"

"And, the elephant will be a nice cuddle buddy for those long nights you tend to have," you explained softly, watching his reaction. "It has special infusions of lavender and bergamot oils that I picked specifically to help you sleep better. The aromatherapy might even help soothe away those bad dreams you've been having. Well, at least according to the sales clerk." You reached out and lifted the soft plush elephant, bringing it to your nose and inhaling deeply. "See? It's really calming, isn't it?"

He took the toy back and smelled it deeply, letting out a contented sigh as the aroma filled his nose and sent waves of comfort through his body, making him feel warm and fuzzy inside. He carefully lowered the elephant into his lap, treating it as if it were made of delicate porcelain. His throat tightened with emotion as he swallowed hard and looked back at you, his eyes wide with disbelief and gratitude.

"All this for me?" he whispered, his voice barely audible as he struggled to process the reality that someone would think to get him anything at all (Steve didn’t count). The concept of receiving gifts was so foreign to him, so far removed from his perception of what he deserved, that he could barely wrap his mind around it.

You thought maybe it looked sill to some people, but it was more about why you got it, not what you got him.

You nodded, offering a warm smile, "Yes...I got this just for you."

The soldier's gaze slowly drifted back to his lap, his fingers lingering momentarily on the thoughtful gifts before carefully pushing the journal and elephant to rest beside him. He then leaned forward quickly, closing the distance between you and wrapping his arms around you in a tight embrace. The display caught you off guard, given his usual hesitance to initiate any form of contact beyond nightly cuddling or his possessive love-bites.

After you recovered from the sudden gesture, your arms encircled him in return. You drew him closer as he nestled himself against your body, seeking comfort in your warmth and smell. It was one of the only things he could consistently rely on.

A knowing smile played across your lips as you whispered against his ear, "I take it you like it?"

"...Да."

Thanks for reading. -em 🌿

Dividers by @/strangergraphics | Images found on Pinterest.

[femmefatalevibe]

Femme Fatale Guide: Tips For Mindful, Healthy Eating

Be mindful of the foods you keep at home: While I'm not a fan of restriction (especially of entire macronutrients), know yourself well enough to help yourself prevent binging on trigger foods that you start overeating when stressed, tired, etc. My rule of thumb is if I would be uncomfortable having 2 servings of something in a sitting, it doesn't belong in my fridge/freezer/pantry. Keep those treats for socializing or outside of the home.

Discover a selection of healthy meals, snacks, and staple items you love: Physical, nutritional, and emotional satisfaction are all essential to keep your cravings in check. Consider the 5 or so lunches/dinners you love and 1-3 breakfast options, at least 1-2 sweet and savory snacks (like fruit, popcorn, edamame, etc.) to create a simple rotation to keep you satisfied throughout the week. Experiment with different recipes/produce/spices/low sugar & low-fat condiments and seasonings to find what combinations taste the best to you.

Check-in with yourself before eating: Ensure that you're eating due to true hunger rather than feelings of boredom, stress, sadness, etc. If you have the urge to emotionally eat, try to get moving by shaking your arms, dancing around your room, taking a walk, etc. for at least 5-10 minutes before considering getting something to eat.

Enjoy mindful eating: Eat with as few distractions as possible. Take your time to enjoy the food. Take small bites, put your utensils down between bites, and chew slowly. Check in with yourself throughout the eating experience to reconnect with your hungry cues as you get through the plate or bowl of food. See if your hunger is decreasing and how full you feel throughout the experience. Make eating its own separate and enjoyable activity whenever possible.

Have indulgent teas, coffees, and fruit water on hand: Eat if you're truly hungry. But, for the times you're bored or stressed, having a vanilla or cinnamon tea, a cup of cold brew, or a lemon/fruit-infused water can satisfy your desire for some palette simulation

Don't get into a binge-restrict cycle: Allow yourself to eat when you're truly hungry, otherwise, you will overcompensate at a later date. A good litmus test to see if you're truly hungry is to reflect on whether multiple food options could satisfy your current desire for food. If only one food or unhealthy options sound desirable, you're probably experiencing a craving rather than true hunger.

Stay hydrated & get enough sleep: Drinking enough water and a full night's rest are essential to prevent energy crashes that increase your hunger and decrease your inhibitions to give into stress binges or choose unhealthy options. Always keep a glass of water by your side when working, watching TV, etc. to prevent dehydration or a general lack of fluids. Give yourself a loose sleep schedule with an hour or so grace period for your ideal bedtime and wake-up time for the workweek and the weekends.

Ensure you're meeting all of your vitamin requirements: Your body will naturally feel sluggish and more susceptible to cravings if you're not getting enough of certain nutrients on a regular basis. I always supplement with B12 and vitamin D as someone who's been vegan for over a decade. Make sure your diet incorporates nutrients like iron, magnesium, and zinc (common nutrient deficiencies).

[compassionatereminders]

Hey kat! Looking for validation I guess.

I had a hypertensive crisis last night (extremely high blood pressure) and stroke scare last night and didn't get out of the hospital till well past midnight so I'm extremelyyyyy tired myself. It was honestly kinda scary :( it triggered a panic attack which did NOT help my BP but I'm doing a lot better now, BP is down and while we don't know for sure what caused it, my preexisting hypertension + dehydration + stress from work + Adderall + energy drink probably made it more likely to happen, it was just really really scary having my BP be that high in the stroke danger levels for such a long time, I was okay in the end but it really sucked and I also know it's possible to happen again cos it's happened before :/ really frustrating to live in a body like this. The doctor said I need to avoid extreme stress but my own brain is extremely stressful even outside of how stressful work is due to not being accommodated. It's just frustrating because I'm only 20 and have been sick for a long time both mentally and physically and I just keep getting worse and now can barely work at all because it has been triggering health crises so frequently and making me bedbound :(. I'm gonna keep living even though it's hard I just wish it was easier though geez

I'm so sorry you have to deal with this! It sounds really scary and stressful and I'm sending my love ❤️

[creepydoll907]

Day 10 of WL (19+)

It genuinely scares me how long I'd lost control. I was good yesterday but since the 19th or six days ago from yesterday I was disgusting to say the least. It kinda went like this: BED, BED, BED, BED & MIA, BED, BED.

Not only did I damage the skin around my mouth trying to meet princess MIA but I also had to take a stimulant to v***** because I can't do it for ish.

Yesterday was good. I finished eating really early as well. I couldn't sleep though and I woke up on the verge of a heart attack. JK but my heart was going so fast, couldn't get out of bed and my cortisol levels were probably through the roof.

I tried to finish eating a little later today so my fasting window was smaller to reduce the side effects.

I would say I ate more than yesterday today. I estimate 700cals. Like I said in previous posts I don't measure things exactly. Went on a brisk walk and burned roughly 170cals.

Guys I hate my body so much right now it's crazy. Like I feel so disgusting and uncomfortable in all my clothes.

I decided to work out consistently as well to help burn fat and for toning but my fat isn't shedding fast enough (Mind you I left BED for Princess Ana yesterday) and the muscle growth is causing me to be thicker.

The fact that back when I was deep in my Ana era I had completely lost my butt also triggers me because now I feel like my butt size correlates with how skinny I am... despite the fact that I'm currently actively building my butt muscles...

The relationship between an ana and their butt and boobs smh...

But yeah I genuinely feel like I really want it right now. I really want to be skinny and I'm willing to sacrifice anything. I just want it...really- really-bad.

I also worked out today so my body burns all this fat instead of opting for the easy option- my muscles.

Something that has been really helping me is rediscovering intermittent fasting. That was my love back when I was deep in my ana era but it can become really dangerous if you're highly stressed or dehydrated so I had to stop. But IF really helps you viewing fat loss as a game. Also ana is a competitive disorder and I hate comparing myself to friends and family so IF is a way for me to reignite my competitive side in an enjoyable way.

I'm honestly already imagining being back in uni and how I need to be skinny for it I'm being so for real. These sacrifices are all so worth it.

As for my diet right now, I stopped making my soup because i somehow binged on it and I'm mostly eating whole foods. I'm not actively restricting anything extremely hard but I am trying to eat as healthy as possible whilst making sure I get protein.

But I'm super excited to just keep updating you because I'm in this for the long haul and I'm not stopping until I'm unrecognisable.

[bellafragolina]

Can I request Melli with a total crybaby s/o

yeyeyeyeyeyeye!!

🍓🍓🍓

Before you two get together, Melli harps on you for crying at the drop of a hat. He doesn’t understand what’s triggering this reaction in you, or that his being mean probably isn’t helping. If he makes you cry from something he said, he’s panicking. He fears retribution from your allies, so he tries to soothe you. He shows you his lord’s children, aren’t they cute? Please stop crying he’s too pretty for Hisui jail

As time passes, and you spend more time together, Melli starts to recognize that your crying is a natural response to being overwhelmed. It’s the same as when Melli gets mouthy and irritated when he’s overwhelmed, and this realization leads to a sort of bridge being built between you. Melli becomes a lot more patient and understand whenever you start to cry, merely cooing that there’s nothing to fear (or that yes, it is a cute baby Pokémon) while giving you water from his canteen to sip on. Melli’s come to enjoy your company, and how you listen to him, so he can’t have you getting dehydrated and sick!

Once you both get together, Melli still does tease you about crying so easily. He coos and coddles you, though, wrapping you in his embrace to help soothe your sporadic hiccups and shaking. He glides his hands along your head, presses kisses to your crown, and sings you ancient lullabies passed down through the Diamond Clan. They distract you well, and he gets to tell you all about his heritage, all about what he is a part of and so proud of. He hopes you’re proud of him as well

Should anyone outside of your group of allies (or anyone in that group, if they’re being particularly rude) make a comment towards your crybaby nature, then Melli is enraged. He backs the offender into a corner, ranting and raving about how horrible of a person they are, to degrade someone just trying to survive these harsh lands however they can. You’re understandably so stressed, especially since you’re surrounded by weak cowards such as the offender themselves! It’s no wonder you need to take breaks to cry sometimes. And so what if the beauty of this world bring you to tears? It’s an appreciation few show for the blessings of the Mighty Sinnoh, and the offender would benefit from learning to appreciate the world how you do. He could go on for days to protect your honor

🍓🍓🍓

Melli is a little mean at first, but soon it becomes all in good faith!

~Renee

[youremyheaven]

You're spot on with the link between autoimmune and stress, there have been a number of studies that support stress as a trigger and a cause of a number of autoimmune diseases.

I dont think Bella is faking her symptoms but I think they're the result of her disordered eating, malnutrition from an eating disorder could explain all of these symptoms as you've suggested. As a migraine sufferer myself, one of my biggest triggers is not eating properly and it´s a very common trigger. Eating disorder would explain low iron levels, migraines, dehydration, depression, weakness, chronic exhaustion and fatigue, it would also explain gut issues as she might not be eating enough fibre and nutrients to support healthy gut function.

I think because she has grown up in an environment that normalises disordered eating that she doesn´t see how her health is impacted so severely by her eating disorder and going to these quack doctors probably further reinforces that belief that her symptoms are because of "chronic Lyme" and not the result of her eating disorder.

I also found a study from 2021 that explores the link between gut microbiome, immunity and neuroinflammation and eating disorders.

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC7913528/

"Conversely, low alpha diversity, together with an increased Firmicutes: Bacteriodetes ratio, is associated with increased gut permeability or a “leaky gut”" - a quote from the study.

damn ya'll should work for the FBI,, idk why Bella does not have a single honest person in her life who will tell her whats up

i dont think she's faking her symptoms but like you said i just think its mental illness/ED/stress/perhaps substance abuse (she mentioned how she quit drinking, maybe she'll someday say what else she has quit or tried to quit idk)

thank you so much for sending such a thoughtful ask and linking a legit study<33

i think many of us overlook how adversely our lifestyles affect us. if we're low energy, sick, depressed, experiencing acne breakouts/hair fall, random bodily pain etc we just tend to brush it aside as being a part of life or whatever when its just the toll our maladaptive living is taking on us. just living an overall healthier life will drastically improve the quality of our experience of it.

[rickgrimesdoingrickthings]

//2. does your muse find it easier to sleep in a warmer room or a cooler room? //3. is your muse typical about where they sleep or can they fall asleep just about anywhere? //11. what type of blanket does your muse prefer (standard blanket, quilt, comforter, weighted blanket, etc)? //18. does your muse have insomnia? have they ever experienced insomnia? to what degree of severity? //27. what does your muse typically like to wear to bed? does it depend on the season/weather outside?

1- Whatever is closer to 25 °C Celsius. If he had to choose, I think he would choose a slightly colder place, because to survival, he knows getting dehydrated can be deadly and warmer places have more mosquitos. He can't get cooler in warmer places but he can warm up in colder places by litting a fire, having something hot to drink, rubbing his chest, or even sleeping close to other survivors. Since Rick is thin, he probably would freeze way more than the others, but nothing an Abraham hug or Daryl hug wouldn't solve to keep him from shaking all night. His gang, they would drag the shaky Rick close to warm him up.

2- Rick can fall asleep anywhere, he had to adapt. Of course he prefers a comfy bed.

3- I don't know why but I have the impression those standard fluffy / fur like blankets would make him sneeze. Quilt he would use to protect his bed from dust. Comforter? Yesss I can see my man hugging a soft comforter and rolling in it after a warm shower yes, spot on. I think heavy weighed blankets would make him feel a bit suffocated, I don't know, last thing wants is to feel like he's stuck on a net when he sleeps. Light ones would be fine. When it's warm, he would use just a sheet.

4- Yes Rick has anxiety insomnia, had limited schizoid episodes in the prison which refrained him from sleeping well and faced some PTSD for quite some time, specially after Negan. By season 7-8, he says he hasn't been sleeping, thinking about his friends. I can also picture that sometimes Rick SEES Abraham and Glenn with their heads smashed "looking" at him or following him around, like he used to see Lori when she died, but he seems "used" to such ilusions by then. It's not explicit to the viewer, but there are references that hint Rick STILL sees allucinations when he's too stressed or sleep deprived (which is more common than people think). And he seems to have some rather agitated sleep or superficial sleep.

In Alexandria people mentioned it was like he was staring things they couldn't see. When he was near death, he had very vivid lucid dreams, unable to tell dream from reality many times. When he saw the CRM helicopter, he didn't treat it as if it were true, he ignored it as if he were seeing things AGAIN, meaning it's something that happens often when he's mentally and emotionally struggling. And Rick's case is serious because the unreal things he experiences aren't JUST VISUAL. He can FEEL the illusions and HEAR them too (the unreal phone calls at the prison, him thinking he's touching Lori after she's gone). And all of those also were followed by a great deal of paranoia and delirium.

Not permanent, depends of how ruined and broken Rick is but to think someone as intelligent as him who has a very good insight still struggles so much with that problem, he really needs help, emotional support specially so he doesn't trigger those periods of crisis and in a normal world, would need psychiatric help for meds like humor stabilizers and anti psychotics, at least until he leaves the crisis periods, plus therapy.

The health problem he has is more serious than most people assume. I wouldn't say it's schizophrenia because the progression doesn't match and the episodes of crisis are short but it is a squizoid mental health problem. When Rick sleeps (in periods of distress) he doesn't actually sleep, he faints due to exhaustion or takes short naps. Severe insomnia.

5- What he likes to wear to sleep depends. If he's comfy at a community, safe and sound with privacy, he might as well as sleep naked or wearing just his boxers. Even if it's a bit cold I can picture him leaving a warm shower, drying himself and falling on bed, getting under the covers and sleeping like that. If he's somewhere safe but has no proper privacy, he might wear a at shirt and more comfy pants. If he's somewhere he might need to act anytime, he's sleeping with his normal clothes, jeans and shirt. If it's cold, he fully closes his murder jacket's zipper and curls under then fluffy fabric. If combat is expected but he has to sleep, he might not even remove his belt. If he's sleeping with a lover he probably wants to sleep wearing nothing at all and just nuzzle / cuddle as much as he can.

Just let him sleep and be happy.

[jay-avian]

The Sink Theory

So I went to my therapist yesterday to talk about my anxiety and overstimulation and I think she explained it perfectly.

You are the sink and any anxiety is the water. Normally, when the water is turned on, it sits in the sink for a short while before passing through. When you're in an overstimulating environment (or any place that makes you feel nervous), the water is always on. But since there's never a lot in one period of time, it's manageable.

Whenever your fight/flight response is triggered, the little stopper in your sink is down and all of a sudden, it's like someone dumped a whole cup full of water (or more, depending on the circumstance). Your senses are heightened, meaning everything else is significantly worse. Even though you could handle it before, all that extra water takes its toll.

The stopper can even be down before entering the environment because you are anticipating being anxious, and are therefore already anxious. (I have this problem often, I'm learning to be better)

Here are some things that will help you get back to a stable level:

Stopping the water

Leave the environment - Seems self explanatory. But people often have a hard time excusing themselves from situations, usually because they don't want to be rude or they're frozen in place from fear. Or they stay, thinking they can handle a little longer, so they wait til the worst possible moment. Don't do this! When you feel it getting rough, leave, and let the anxiety drain before going back.

Block out stimulation - If, for whatever reason, you can't leave, get some earplugs or headphones and try to block out as much as you can. It may seem counterproductive to play music or white noise, but it's much better to have one sound to focus on rather than a hundred. (Especially a sound you find calming and that you can control)

Raising the stopper

Manage your thoughts - This is probably the hardest part, but it's the most beneficial. You have to essentially talk to yourself here. Remind yourself that hey, everything's okay. More often than not, fear and anxiety is irrational. Sometimes there's a trigger behind it which you may need healing from, sometimes you just get overstimulated easily. Just take this time to comfort yourself as you would comfort a friend or a child. You need to take every thought captive. "This feeling will pass." "There's nothing to be afraid of." "I am safe." "I will be okay." "I am okay."

Focus on your breathing - We didn't discuss this one, but I find it very helpful. One way to help ground yourself is to not only take deep breaths, but to focus on them. Feel your body move, in and out, in and out. There are plenty of breathing exercises that you can look up that will help. (There are a few that I use on this self care app called Finch. I love that thing so much!)

Grounding in general - Some of you may know some grounding tips already. But in case you don't, here are a few that I like: making lists (of what you see, things you like, movies you want to watch, flavors of tea, anything), focus on something physical (yourself, a fidget you have, the floor), doodle or practice calligraphy (focus on the movement), have someone close to you on the phone (hearing their voice or seeing their face may help)

Draining the water faster

The anxiety will leave over time as long as you're in a calm environment. But here are some things we talked about that may help even more.

Drinking water - When your senses are heightened, your body has a lot of adrenaline and cortisol. Drinking water helps to flush out those chemicals faster. Not to mention, if it got really bad, you were probably crying or hyperventilating. You're probably dehydrated after all that.

Walking/Exercise - Exercise in general produces endorphins, chemicals in your brain that make you feel good. It also uses up the energy your body would've normally used to be stressed. It can be as simple as taking a walk around wherever you are, stretching, or doing a few light exercises.

Avoid sugar/caffeine - Although many comfort foods/drinks have these things, it will make your anxiety worse. It gives you more energy to worry with and can increase the adrenaline already in your body. Some teas have little to no caffeine and have been known to decrease stress (their smells can also be calming).

It's a long post, but I hope it helps!

[thephotonutstudio]

REASONS WHY YOUR SKIN ISN’T GLOWING

Have you been using a thousand and one skin care products with a multitude of organic skin products and serums on your face and yet your skin isn’t cooperating? Annoying right ? I know.

What if I told you that I had a solution to your problems?

Well here are reasons why your skin isn’t giving

1. You’re using too many products

You’re probably using like five different products from different companies, any time you walk into a store and you see a product with attractive labels, boom! It’s off the shelf and into your cart, you take it home and add it your many many purchased products. You could literally open a shop with the amount of products you’ve purchased.

2. You need a break

With all the many many products you’ve heaped on your body, your skin needs a break , a time out. Like don’t you wonder how much stress you’re putting on skin from all these products? Take a day or two off your skin care.

3. You’re not getting enough sleep

did you know that getting enough sleep increases the blood flow to your skin, thus pumping oxygen to your skin to help breath out pollutants and rejuvenate your skin? no you probably didn't know that's why you're not keen on your sleep. It's called "beauty sleep" for a reason. when you sleep your skin repairs itself, the dead skin cells are shed off and the new and healthy ones replace them. During sleep, your skin also builds collagen, elastin, and hyaluronic acid which are the molecules responsible for skin’s plumpness, translucency and elasticity. Poor sleep also leads to dehydration and high Cortisol levels (a stress hormone) which increases the severity of inflammatory skin conditions such as acne or psoriasis and also trigger the skin’s sebaceous glands to produce more sebum (oil), which leads to clogged pores and breakouts.

4. Your diet

“You’re what you eat” has to be an underrated quote when it comes to health and lifestyle. Because eating high sugar, fats and processed foods puts you on a higher risk of skin inflammations and breakouts. Instead of going for that burger or junk food switch it up to fruits and vegetables (heavy on the fruits) because they are packed with antioxidants and minerals that are highly beneficial to the skin, back this up with a lot of water intake and watch your skin glow.

5. improper use of sunscreen

Choosing your sunscreen well is one thing and using it right is another, sunscreen helps protect your skin from ultra violent rays from the sun which makes your skin prone to irritation and aging as the rays harshly dries up the moisture in your skin thus damaging your skin. You’re supposed to reapply your sunscreen every two hours whenever your outdoors to help protect your skin. You can top this with vitamin C serum for double protection and glow.

6. organic skin care

Honestly I won’t advise anyone to use organic products on their skin unless it’s coming from your own blender mix because the things these vendors do are barbaric, they’d mix chemicals and label it as “organic” it’s obviously organic chemistry and they aren’t certified pharmaceutical companies so obviously you’re going to have adverse effects coming through. Most of these products damage the skin by thinning and bleaching it making it sensitive to sunlight and prone to irritation. So my advice? Drop those products and go for well branded skin care products. You can walk into any store and purchase them, your bank account might feel it but your skin would thank you and finally glow .

[manriah]

Yesterday I got "diagnosed" with Vasovagal Syncope. I've known since I was 13 but was never diagnosed by a cardiologist, so rando people/friends/nurses argued with me abt or would minimize my need for accommodations until Id usually faint. I'm also discovering a bunch more triggers than just blooddraws/injections/hospitals that make me faint (standing/walking for long periods, high stress, getting startled by sudden noises/PTSD, dehydration/not eating). Also instead of an event monitor for 30 days they changed the order to a 48 hr halter monitor so we can catch and diagnose my daily heart palpitations (my PT said it's probably heart palps bc I'm hypermobile and its harmless) so getting it diagnosed means they won't tell me to go to the ER every time I call about ANY of my health issues, and that I can hopefully get on the medication my psych suggested.

For the Vasovagal it isn't a heart issue and the treatment is lifestyle changes, but they are already ones I do (electrolyte drinks, lots of salt, being mindful of triggers+accomodations) and the only thing I need to add is compression socks. But now I know why I faint and fall all the fucking time 🤷‍♀️

[thereaderpoint]

How to Spot Migraines in Children Early

Greetings, everyone; it’s Dr. Rakesh Jain here, and I’m going to help you recognize migraines in children on an early basis. One of the reasons that a migraine may be difficult to pinpoint in kids is that they may find it difficult to explain what they’re feeling. In my profession as a neurologist child specialist, I have often come across children’s cases where early diagnosis could have made significant improvement. This article focuses on these signs and more in hand, so you don’t have to ever go through a situation like my patients or their families had to.

What is a migraine? Perhaps this is the first question that pops into the mind when one suffers from lagging behind in school work because of headaches. A migraine is not simply regarded as a painful headache. Still, according to sorely medical experts, it is a medical condition affecting the proper functioning of the brain, leading to severe pain, nausea, and even light and noise-beating sensitivity to sound. Children suffering from migraines seem to be quite common but can easily be confused with other problems such as general tiredness or just minor illness.

Signs of Migraine in Children It is important to catch the early signs of a migraine in kids. Here are some — Headaches, to begin with, excessive complaints by children regarding pain on any or both sides of the head should at least ring an alarm. Pain can vary from mild to severe but from what can be witnessed with kids any pain to them is severe enough.

Nausea or Vomiting: Nausea or vomiting accompanied by a headache complaint in your child may indicate the occurrence of a migraine.

Sensitivity to Light and Sound: It is common for children with migraine to refrain from exposure to bright lights or loud noises as these stimuli seem to aggravate their condition.

Fatigue and Mood Changes: During the prelude to a migraine attack, your child may express extreme fatigue, irritability, or depression.

Aura: As per the statistical mention, a significant section of the population suffering from migraines experiences their occurrence after seeing flashes of light or before experiencing a feeling of nausea.

Causes of Migraine in Children

Some children may be susceptible to certain triggers which may give them a migraine. Some triggers include:

Stress: School or family life can induce emotional stress that may lead to a migraine.

Certain Foods: Some children can develop migraines due to the use of chocolate, caffeine, or processed snacks.

Irregular Sleep: Not maintaining proper routines sleeping can also trigger a migraine headache.

Dehydration: Migraines have also been caused by dehydration due to a lack of sufficient water intake.

When to See a doctor

Feeling any of the above-mentioned signs more often than usual should be reason enough for you to see an expert. I would recommend scheduling a consultation if:

The headaches are frequent and severe.

· Daily experiences are a hassle due to the pain that your child is going through.

· Consistency is key for some feelings like nausea and changes in vision.

· Coping in Times of Migraines

To manage child migraines, consider the following:

Try to maintain a log that dates the symptoms and would record the probable cause of the migraine. This would enhance their understanding, along with that of the doctor, when looking for solutions to the cause of the migraine.

· Do not forget to ensure your child has a balanced diet and a sufficient intake of water.

· Set times for sleeping and waking and stick to them all days of the week.

Make sure that the noise levels of the room your child is in are low during an attack so that a gentle atmosphere is created.

Conclusion

As a child-specialized neurologist, it is my goal to aid parents in assisting with the early detection and treatment of all kinds of child migraines so that their child does not undergo any excessive pain that can be easily avoided. So, if your child is interested in getting treated by a child neurologist in Gurugram, visit my center without hesitation.

The goal is for you to remain healthy and content. Remember: Don’t ever wait to act in an emergency. Time is of utmost importance here!

[femmefatalevibe]

How to have self control with things like food and stuff❤️

Hi love! Here are some of my tips:

Be mindful of the foods you keep at home: While I'm not a fan of restriction (especially of entire macronutrients), know yourself well enough to help yourself prevent binging on trigger foods that you start overeating when stressed, tired, etc. My rule of thumb is if I would be uncomfortable having 2 servings of something in a sitting, it doesn't belong in my fridge/freezer/pantry. Keep those treats for socializing or outside of the home.

Discover a selection of healthy meals, snacks, and staple items you love: Physical, nutritional, and emotional satisfaction are all essential to keep your cravings in check. Consider the 5 or so lunches/dinners you love and 1-3 breakfast options, at least 1-2 sweet and savory snacks (like fruit, popcorn, edamame, etc.) to create a simple rotation to keep you satisfied throughout the week. Experiment with different recipes/produce/spices/low sugar & low-fat condiments and seasonings to find what combinations taste the best to you.

Check-in with yourself before eating: Ensure that you're eating due to true hunger rather than feelings of boredom, stress, sadness, etc. If you have the urge to emotionally eat, try to get moving by shaking your arms, dancing around your room, taking a walk, etc. for at least 5-10 minutes before considering getting something to eat.

Enjoy mindful eating: Eat with as few distractions as possible. Take your time to enjoy the food. Take small bites, put your utensils down between bites, and chew slowly. Check in with yourself throughout the eating experience to reconnect with your hungry cues as you get through the plate or bowl of food. See if your hunger is decreasing and how full you feel throughout the experience. Make eating its own separate and enjoyable activity whenever possible.

Have indulgent teas, coffees, and fruit water on hand: Eat if you're truly hungry. But, for the times you're bored or stressed, having a vanilla or cinnamon tea, a cup of cold brew, or a lemon/fruit-infused water can satisfy your desire for some palette simulation

Don't get into a binge-restrict cycle: Allow yourself to eat when you're truly hungry, otherwise, you will overcompensate at a later date. A good litmus test to see if you're truly hungry is to reflect on whether multiple food options could satisfy your current desire for food. If only one food or unhealthy options sound desirable, you're probably experiencing a craving rather than true hunger.

Stay hydrated & get enough sleep: Drinking enough water and a full night's rest are essential to prevent energy crashes that increase your hunger and decrease your inhibitions to give into stress binges or choose unhealthy options. Always keep a glass of water by your side when working, watching TV, etc. to prevent dehydration or a general lack of fluids. Give yourself a loose sleep schedule with an hour or so grace period for your ideal bedtime and wake-up time for the workweek and the weekends.

Ensure you're meeting all of your vitamin requirements: Your body will naturally feel sluggish and more susceptible to cravings if you're not getting enough of certain nutrients on a regular basis. I always supplement with B12 and vitamin D as someone who's been vegan for over a decade. Make sure your diet incorporates nutrients like iron, magnesium, and zinc (common nutrient deficiencies).

Hope this helps xx

[thelaughablelifeoflilly]

Loan a Laugh to Lilly!

To preface this blog post, I have to tell you that my personality is very boisterous, animated, eccentric, and, frankly, quite ostentatious. I am 100% myself at all times, regardless of who I'm communicating with. The story I'm going to tell, in particular, isn't for the faint-hearted or really anyone who doesn't enjoy crude content. Personally, I enjoy dark humor and tend to spend most days scrolling through Reddit (#iykyk). For anyone reading this, no matter what hardships you're going through in life, always remember to have a laugh and cherish the laughable moments with the people who laugh with you.

Before we get into the nitty-gritty, I'll give a little backstory for this period of my life. 2022 was an INSANE and TRAGIC year for me. At the beginning of 2022, my grandma passed away (she was 96), my sister (we'll call her "The Colonel") kicked me out of her house (that broke our relationship for a while), and about a month after moving back home, my dad was diagnosed with stage IV lung cancer metastasis to brain, spine, and ribs (May 2022). I was working at Target at the time in the style section and, initially, was enjoying my work. I felt like it gave me an outlet to get away from everything that was happening in my life, but evidently, the managers' requests became too demanding for my mental health. I mean, I was dealing with a physical death, the death of a sisterly bond, and the thought/possibility of my dad dying, and you expect me to have the energy to do four people's tasks by myself? NOT TO MENTION: my cat also died in December of 2021, my sister's dad (I considered him a fatherly figure) died in June of 2022, my best friend's wedding was coming up in August, and in September, my friend Mikey (who was in the wedding) passed away. You can't spell stress without S-T-R-E-S-S.

With me being overly stressed and mentally and physically exhausted from watching my dad die in front of me, I chose not to eat, and when I did eat, it wasn't a balanced meal (microwaved mac and cheese got me through life). The lack of nutrition and the amount of stress did damage to my body internally. TRIGGER WARNING: I found myself constantly having the "spooky dookies." I would use the restroom at Target anywhere from 5-10 times a shift. Sometimes I would be so dehydrated from shitting, that I would have to sit down because I would get dizzy. One day, I was working, and, like normal, I went to the restroom. I wiped and noticed there was a weird red substance on the toilet paper. Me being me (not afraid to look at my poop), I looked in the toilet and saw that there was blood intertwined in one of the logs. My immediate thought was, "I'm gonna die," so I told my boss and left to go to the emergency room.

My sister (we'll call this one "Crazy Boots") took me to the ER. I didn't quite know what to expect because I never had issues with my GI tract before. WELL, LEMME TELL YOU, THIS WAS NOT ON MY 2022 BINGO CARD. I go into the room, and the nurse gives me a gown and tells me to take off my pants and underwear, and that the doctor will be in shortly. I was thinking, "Yeah, they're probably just going to take a quick look at my butthole, nothing major." BOY, WAS I SO, SO, SO WRONG. The doctor came in, Crazy Boots was in the room with me, and I had my first-ever IV inserted into my arm (it was traumatizing, by the way. I cried). After the IV was put in and fluids were pumping into my body, the doctor told me to turn on my side. I turned, and she told me to cough. Cool. Normal. BUT THEN, she took her giant knuckle, told me to breathe in, and JAMMED IT INTO MY BUTTHOLE, PULLING IT OUT JUST AS FAST AS SHE PUT IT IN. When I tell you that I thought my whole rectum fell out, I mean it. Her finger was PUDGY.

After the doctor forcefully got her sample, she left the room, and Crazy Boots and I LOST IT. We laughed to the point that I almost Hershey-squirted on the hospital table. And me being me, again, documented most of the process on Snapchat. I have this long-lasting joke that includes the song "Only Time" by Enya. Anytime anything bad or detrimental happens, I play that song. You'll see the reference in one of the images. But yeah, regardless of how horrible my life was at the time, this experience was something laughable that helped carry me through the final days of my dad's life. If whoever is reading this is also going through a tough period, I hope this made you laugh. I want you to remember that life is short, and even one moment of genuine laughter can get you through a rough patch.

[seeminglyseph]

Aaahh.. I don’t know what I’m doing. I feel so augh. I’m trying to figure out the right balance of building up stamina and strength without accidentally triggering a fatigue relapse. And get the right timing for my IIH medication so I don’t also have relapse migraines, plus I think I had to adapt to my vyvanse increase because it increased pressure severely, but my focus and mental clarity has been really really bad on the IIH meds, and trying to get anything done when you just can’t think is just. Awful.

Plus some personal life stuff has been pretty terrible and I’ve been trying to like sort my feelings out, and trying to like. Not spiral into all of my worst feelings ever at the least opportune time ever, while also trying to actually keep on top of doctors’ appointments and holiday stuff and not being stressed as hell because like. Part of my brain is like “what if this is early signs that you also have ALS and you’re dying like your dad only faster” which probably not, my dad was 70, not 35, but my brain thinks mean things all the time.

I’ve cut out a lot of caffeine, and have been almost exclusively drinking Gatorade lately which feels wild I never thought I’d kick half of these habits. But so much of my life has shifted due to pain and the way medication has changed my actual senses. Like the fact that my sense of smell is so intense now is just. Really weird? I carry around one of those Vic’s inhaler pens because sometimes smells are just too strong to handle. I feel like I have to work harder to keep things clean just because I can’t handle the smell of things. Which is exhausting the hell outta me because I don’t have the energy to really keep up with all of it. I just start smelling things. I smell the water and our local water filtration system is actually really good. I smell the inside of my nose. I got a metal Gua Sha thing to try and do some of the sinus headache massage stuff I saw because they say it’s good for drainage? And headaches. I know some people are doing it hella wrong ‘cause they talk about toxins and weight loss and mostly it’s about like. Fluids and stuff. But when I put it in the fridge and cover my face with rose hip oil it feels really nice. I already did a drainage massage when I remembered but the little metal massage tool feels really nice. Plus the like stainless steel is easy to sterilize. The rose hip oil I have is probably mad old but whatever it hasn’t hurt yet. And I’m working on not being so dehydrated. Even though I’m drinking so much Gatorade. My meds are dehydrating. And it’s so dry out. I need to clean my humidifier, I think it sat a little long and now I’m worried about mould.

I’m worried about everything honestly. It sucks. I can’t tell what’s going on with me all the time. I think I’m hormonal, but like that doesn’t stop everything from being like… a lot all the time. And I don’t really always know what to do about it. My appetite is totally dead and I’m just trying to drink Ensure and drink Gatorade and I know I should work regular water in sometimes but I hate water and I don’t wanna drink it. I feel like a petulant child but I still just hate water. And now I can smell it somehow and it makes me like it less. And I remember throwing it up before and over and over again and it’s just. A lot. I don’t know for sure if I have POTS, the tilt table wasn’t conclusive, and the doctors haven’t confirmed it, and are still trying to get me to go for water over other things, but it’s still really a struggle. But I know hydration will make me feel better.

I just have a million symptoms for a million things that all seem like a million things that all seem kind of unclear. I feel like I’m only recently even starting to think clearly enough to even start putting any of it together enough to get answers to some of them. Even though I technically got the diagnosis last September I feel like I didn’t even start thinking at all until like a few months ago. I guess it makes a little sense, one of the symptoms is memory loss and a lack of mental clarity. But I really feel like my whole mind was clouded over. It’s frustrating.

[skatingbi]

Fighter Pilot AU- The character's roles in the storyline so far (Pt. 2/3)

Hello again and welcome to part two! This will talk about Sanji, Usopp, and Chopper. This is subject to change as I develop the story more but I hope to stay as consistent as possible for my own sanity.

Without further ado, here you go!

CW: I talk about childhood trauma and child abuse in Sanji's section. Please do not read this post if this content may be triggering.

Sanji: Sanji is...a lot. Not in the sense that he's overbearing or annoying but that he has a lot of baggage. Up until about 8-10 (I think? Idk how old Sanji was when he rean away in the canon storyline) he was raised by Judge. In this AU Judge is a person of interest for the Marines. That being said, instead of genetic modification on his children he conditions them instead.

Not for the marine's, though. Judge has his own motives that actually threaten the marines and several countries as well.

Sanji is targeted since day one in Judge's house. Subjected to military training and also torture when he's older as well. When Sanji is imprisoned in the basement with the metal helmet, he gets scars from where the helmet digs into his jaw. His brothers contributed to the abuse as well, using him for sparring even though its more brutal than that.

His sister helps him escape, and he makes a run for it with the helmet still on until he collapses from dehydration and hunger.

He wakes up, and Zeff is there, his helmet is off, and he's in a bed that feels so comfortable he doesnt even question who the stranger is.

Fast forward ten years and Sanji joins the marines as a fighter pilot to stop the vinsmoke family. He's only able to join because he's adopted by zeff and takes the last name Blackleg.

Sanji's trauma makes him defensive around men. This makes him hard to approach for a lot of people except the strawhat friend group, who all have their own trauma as well and understand what it feels like to be hurt by someone who should have cared for you. He's always assuming the worst in people and questioning their motives. When someone gets close his first instinct is to push them away before they hurt him.

His friends understand, though, and they never let him fall for his brain's tricks. They know hes incredibly smart and a talented fighter pilot, he's a good friend and a great part of their team. So they always make sure to tell him so.

Usopp: Usopp joins the marines for Kaya. Kaya is in medical school, but Usopp wants to prove to her that he is just was willing to work hard. At first, people just assume Usopp somehow tricked his way into the top gun program until they see his skill at nav and shooting. He's extremely accurate and the crew appreciate how much work he puts into what he does.

He's always there to lend a hand or a shoulder. He may overexaggerate his work on assignments or training a lot, but he always does it as a way to distract everyone from the stress of being in the military. He's like the class clown, always cracking jokes when its appropriate.

He's also kind of a coward. Dont get me wrong, he's really good at his job. Put him in the front seat of a massive piece of equipment he's meant to fly though and he freezes up. He knows exactly what to do but he's way too anxious to do it.

He will, though. I already planned that out for him. When sanji and zoro are stranded in enemy territory, usopp will come in when luffy is too busy doing god knows what else. It'll probably be the first time he actually successfully flies and definitely the only time.

Chopper: Chopper is human in this au since its a modern au. I'd like to think he's a short dude with brown wavy hair, brown eyes, and a baby face that people always point out. Even though he's canadian in canon his ethnicity will be up to yall's imagination (in my brain he's a mixed kid like me but thats just to put in some rep for myself ngl).

Anyways, Chopper is a medic. Combat medic? I'm not sure, but I like to think so. He is willing to fight a bitch if they even think of injuring one of his friends/comrades. Originally, he's just a medic sent on assignments that will require medical attention one way or another, but then he's assigned as a medic to the top gun students.

At first, he's super nervous around the group because they're all extremely smart and talented fighter pilots. That only lasts a week, though, when he sees luffy and sanji almost getting into a fist fight because luffy tries to steal Nami's food during breakfast. Nami is yelling at them to shut the hell up, Usopp is still half asleep and waiting for the caffiene to kick in, Zoro is still sleeping with his head on the table, and Robin is laughing to herself while watching it all happen. That morning is the moment Chopper realizes they're all ridiculous.