creepydoll907

[creepydoll907]

Hungry is a feeling, skinny is a skill

[creepydoll907]

Blog: Current body

As mentioned in a previous blog, my weight scale isn't working so I can't weight myself right now but I know for sure that I'm losing fat not only by the way my clothes fit but today I had the opportunity to check my reflection in a full length mirror and I was very very pleased by my progress. Of course we aren't there yet but I believe achieving my desired physique is inevitable.

I'm going to talk about it a bit more in future vlogs but I've been trying to copy influencer Isel1n Haaland diet. I still haven't copied it perfectly but I now finally accept that most times change doesn't happen overnight. But today i woke up so unbloated for the first time in so long I could have cried.

My collarbones, sternum and ribs have been visible for a while now but I could never see my ribs in position because the bloating was inflating my midsection. My thighs had started to gap for a lil bit now but this morning they had been the most defined. My abs are defined but I want them more defined.

I'd say the most frustrating thing is my face right now which is still permanently puffy and bloated but hopefully that'll come in time. I just barely started her diet.

I saw a quote that said "Imagine how far along you'd be by now if you stopped with the excuses" so I'm not going to bore you with them but one thing led to another and unfortunately I ate the most oily food ever. I don't know how many calories it contained but I was disgusted with them and myself.

I burned around 400 cal by walking and I should have burned 500cal with a youtube workout I did. But tbh i did it often enough and not only do I find it very easy but my heartrate doesn't go that up when I do it and I barely sweat. Can someone tell me if I still burn the same amount of calories even though now it's easier? Pretty pls.

Me getting ready to do the 500cal burn workout.:/

Guys it's so frustrating because I could have seen some serious results tomorrow if I had just followed the diet. I think a big part of it was that I was genuinely very very hungry and I hadn't any food with me so when I was out and the opportunity presented itself I folded. I also though the food was going to be steamed not fried. But you know what? Now I know better and I won't let that happen again.

It's been super hard to update my tumblr blog because I'm so incredibly busy nowadays but I'll try my best to update you on the influencer's diet and how I'm following it soon.

Bye Dolls!

[creepydoll907]

New WL strategy

Hey Dolls! Guess who's back again?

Guys I know I said I'd only be back once I was 47kgs but my weight scale broke (not because of me lol). Tbh I'm not too heartbroken about it because I currently look better than I've had in a hot minute and I want to take a break from focusing on numbers.

And guys not just the numbers on my weight scale. I can't do it with the recorded fasts and calories anymore.

I was doing so good just a week or 2 ago in terms of WL and improving physique whilst simultaneously not focusing too much on what I was to eat.

These days I must have caught a cold or a type of flu. It has been extremely hard to breathe and that's already been putting me on edge. Coupled with my hormones going crazy because my period came back 2 weeks ago and I'm currently ovulating -Meow- I have been binging.

Me going cray cray cuz of it.

I've been stuck in a binge restrict cycle for around 4 days at this point and I am tired.

I think I'm recovering from my cold so I've decided to try out a new WL strategy that should give me a bit of food freedom still.

There's a quote from the movie Black Swan starring Natalie Portman. It goes a little bit like this..."Perfection isn't only about control, it's also about letting it go." And I feel so wound up all the time I just want to let go and give myself a chance.

New WL Strategy

I'll be eating and following similar workouts as one of my biggest thinspo and fav influencers.

Anyways I won't give away too much on this post. But can't wait to update you tomorrow <33

Bye Dolls

[creepydoll907]

How I feel when someone tells me I look skinnier even though I've just binged

[creepydoll907]

WL Rewards

49.0kgs: New shoes

48.0kgs: Airpods

47.0kgs: 1 narcotic

46.0kgs: Dress

45.0kgs: Romper

44.0kgs: 1 narcotic

[creepydoll907]

How little can I eat?

How skinny can I get?

[creepydoll907]

Lost 3.9kgs/ 8.6pounds- TW ED and Weight mention- storytime

Hello Dolls, guess who's back?

I'd like to start off by saying I am 5'4 feet or a 163cm so the body weights I'll mention aren't unhealthy on me. Also I'm 20years old. Minors go eat so you can be as tall as Sneja. Go!!

3 months ago when I was chronically binging and at such a low point in my life I was 53.5 kgs or ~118 pounds. I found this out at the doctor's so I hadn't the chance to weight myself again.

However I have since got a weight scale and when I jumped on 8 days ago found out I was 52.8kgs (116.5lbs). I had been eating healthier and working out so I had expected to be lighter so when I saw that number I broke down.

I am now 49.6kgs or ~109.3 pounds.

Anyways I attribute a large amount of my going down to 50kg to doing HIIT cardio yt videos to burn calories. I ate wholefood and intermittent fasted during this time. But I ate every day. Probably around 1000cal. Unless I went out.

Honestly i was in my healthy girl era. I had a very positive mindset around food and I was feeling really good.

However, I do not recommend HIIT Cardio especially if you're having a bad case of BED because these work outs would give me the most painful hunger ever. Like believe me this was no mental hunger. It was physical, raw and hurt so much. I now only plan to do these workouts the day after a binge or after I overeat.

The problems started when I accidentally got nicotine poisoning. Obviously I didn't go to the doctor but I think I gave myself temporary gastroparesis. My stomach felt so weird that I freaked out and started binging again. However because I was still intermittent fasting I would binge in an hour so the damage wasn't as bad as If I were to binge throughout the day.

Anyways I finally weighted myself again today and I was 49.8kgs. Tbh I binged pretty badly today. I think because of stress and exhaustion. It hurts because I'm finally back in the 40kgs range and I could weight myself tomorrow morning just to find out it's gone. But I had told myself I would be allowed to post again on tumblr once I was below 50kgs and so I'm going to publish this post as motivation for myself.

What helped me/ Recovery

What really helped me was being healthy.

I didn't do fasts that were longer than 24hrs and would mostly do 18hr fasts. Even if I binged.

Guys I know it's annoying hearing the whole 'don't starve yourself after a binge' talk but honestly, it'll be the skinniest influencers that give you this advice. So maybe they have a point?

Yes I've been binging these days but it's because my mental health is declining again and I'm high-key too busy to think about my weight 24/7.

But when I wasn't binging and losing weight I had good mental health. I also ate enough every day to have normal sleep function. And knowing I get to eat every day given I'd stopped doing long fasts would help me put the fork down.

Honestly the fact that I was so healthy and content with my body before I gave myself gastroparesis makes me believe I was recovering?

I've also realised I can lose wight whilst not being miserable and sleep-deprived all the time if I just eat enough to function properly and have energy. So recovery defo seems like a possibility.

It's hard though. i saw an anorexic girl today and she looked just as pale and ghastly as I did back at my worst. And it makes me romanticise the era.

Summary

Eat every day.

Eat healthy wholefood.

Don't do drugs or alcohol.

Don't be obsessed with food.

Challenge yourself to eat in a calorie defecit whilst still being healthy.

If you are a minor go drink your milk so you can be tall T-T

Outro

To all my followers, I have stopped doing my 'Day x of WL' series because it was a lot of mental pressure. Also not having to update my tumblr account helped me focus on actually losing weight instead of being mentally anorexic. But it was so fun and I loved doing the series I'm sad to see it go.

You'l hear from me again once I am ~47kgs or a ~107lbs.

Take care and stay safe.

Much love,

Doll

[creepydoll907]

Guys I’m so hungry

[creepydoll907]

I believe slow transitions into your diet make sustainable changes and I’m happy I’m taking things slow (I can’t take it anymore and I need to be a skeleton by tomorrow)

[creepydoll907]

(TW) Ana Inspo

She is so tea.

[creepydoll907]

Day 16 of WL

Soo... I completed a 37hr fast.

It was a bit hard because as I reached the 33rd hour or so I started to become incredibly bored and I wanted to eat to receive some gratification.

Anyways I had to go out to eat because I'm popular like that

(I was with family T-T)

And we went to this restaurant which served unhealthy food as a staple so I didn't really have the option to order something healthy.

My family obviously caught on that food and I are at odds but I like to keep it under wraps. I do find my ED pretty embarrassing. So I just got what everyone else got.

Unfortunately instead of stopping and starting my fast straight away like I should have; I continued. I got dessert, ate dinner, got even more dessert.

Like it was bad.

So obviously we are restarting a 36hr fast again.

That said Good News!

I am definitely losing weight. I've been avoiding the mirror these days either because I forget to check when I'm fasting or I don't want to trigger myself after I binged but my clothes are way more loose. This started happening 4 days ago honestly.

And even today when I went out I really liked how my clothes fit me and I truly felt the difference. It's great. Even the way my underwear fit me is a lot more lax.

Me feeling my body transforming back to my skinny self lol

And overall I just look a lot better, more hollow and ever since being my thinnest I've been very sensitive to how my body feels when I'm carrying more weight and I've been so much more comfortable these past few days.

I'm just really glad to know it's working. It's obviously really frustrating that I had a setback today but I'm just glad fasting is working and I know I can recover from today.

I'm a bit scared though because plans to go out are brewing throughout my friendships and it seems to me like I always tend to lose control after going out.

My counsellor said I have an 'all or nothing' mindset and I think that's what happening.

Like I've been in the binge and restrict cycle before and I thought this time round I'd be better... but it's like something is always coming up to lead me to binge again when I just want to restrict.

The only thing that I'm somewhat grateful about today is that having a full stomach means I'll sleep today. Guys I can't help it I'm a sucker for sleep and I love dreaming.

It was 4am this morning and I was still in bed wide awake. The only reason why I didn't leave my bedroom was because I was too scared I'd get to the kitchen and start binging.

Anyways I'm confident in my fast. Hopefully everything'll be okay tomorrow and I'll try to restrict and eat low-cal for as long as I can before I need to go out.

Bye Dolls, hope everything is alright with you!

[creepydoll907]

Day 14 and 15 of WL (19+)

First of all Happy New Year! Hope everyone is alright. '24 was absolute s*it for me and I'm so glad to leave it behind.

Day 14: Panicked about something, freaked out and binged.

Day 15: I'm doing an extended fast. I'd say I'll be fasting for around 36hrs. Burned 390 calories on my walk and I also worked out.

I was sweating a lot during my workout and planned to take electrolytes later... tell me why I find out that the kind that I have break a fast..

Thankfully I used it only once and I wasn't fasting. But still, I spent so much money on it. It's like an electrolytes + vitamin combo.

I had some saltwater to recover some of the salt I lost during my workout and I'm just going to have to take my electrolytes after breaking my fast.

Hopefully my heart lasts.

I've got to admit my goal when losing weight wasn't to look sick but I think somewhere along the line that changed.

And between a family member secretly commenting on my eating while I was binging a week ago and a family member bragging about how much he eats but manages to be skinny I am so ready to starve.

Love how my stomach is grumbling and pretty empty.

I'm only 20 hrs in my fast though.

Bye Dolls, stay safe and smart!

[creepydoll907]

Day 13 of WL (19+)

1050-1100 cal.

A lot of food today cuz the fasting and low cal made me develop arrhythmia. Irregular heartbeat. And my heart still hurts even though I feel like I ate a lot. And I ate good quality food. Hopefully it settles soon. I’m not fasting or eating low cal anymore if I don’t take electrolytes.

I do feel like I am slimming down and building muscle. Still not enough. Can’t wait to reach my gw.

I’ve been craving chocolate a lot a lot. I’m just scared I’d binge on it…

It’s so sad seeing tall insta models post “what I eat in a day” and they eat really clean and a really small amount. Because I am quite short at 165cm or 5’3 inches so wtf am I supposed to eat. And keep in mind these models work out a lot.

The few people I found online that are my height and around my height eat insanely clean but it looks high volume. Can’t quite guess the calories.

Honestly idk. I’m just really caught up in what my diet will be like in the future.

I still have a lot of weight to lose guys😭 Like idk I’m just sad

Like not to s*it on my angel Candice but maybe this is my current body type? But a more petite version with less muscle mass and a flatter stomach. Sorry for using this gif though idk if it’s sending the right message.

Even this is pretty accurate except I’m not nearly as good-looking as my RiRi.

Like I have an unconcerning, healthy amount of fat.

And I’m just struggling a lot at the moment. I know weight loss doesn’t happen in two days but I am so self conscious all the time. Mind you i am losing weight but I just want to be skinny now.

Like I want a proper proper thigh gap. And I look healthy but I just want my legs to be slimmer.

I’m just going to be around a lot of people once my uni opens again and I’m scared. I want to be perfect by then.

Like I imagine I need to lose 10 to 7kg and it’s like get the f*ck off me. And the fact that I’d need to eat 500cals for 7 weeks straight to lose 7kgs. (Especially if I were to not exercise). But who tf has 7weeks?

Consider me sad.

Okay bye dolls <3

[creepydoll907]

Day 12 of WL

25hr fast completed. I'll probably finish my fast earlier tomorrow.

Ate around 450 calories.

Need to hydrate more jeesh.

I don't reccommend anyone doing this btw.

How I expect myself to look like trow morning:

[creepydoll907]

Day 11 of WL

Finished a 21 hours fast. I want to work my way up to 24 and do that pretty regularly since bodies burn more fat between the 16th hour to the 24th.

After I finished my fast everything was going good and I was eating good quality wholefood. And then, of course someone has to drop off chocolate....

And it was the unhealthy kind as well. I impulsively had two bits. Your mind gets so quiet when/after fasting that I forgot how easy it is to slip up. My mind couldn't overthink the chocolate.

I honestly don't how many cals they had but they spiked up my blood sugar dramatically or something because I went from perfectly fine to hot, sweaty. Ifykyk. Like my whole body had a bad reaction similar to when I eat loads of white carbs hence why I eat brown carbs.

Anyways I panicked and ended up eating a bit more. Wasn't too much but unhealthy? Ya.

I honestly don't know how much I ate. Maybe 1400cals?

I ended up going a long walk and I ran a bit of that. According to my phone I burned 640 cal but I don't know if it registered the fact that I was running.

Like I know walking that much is loser activities. I used to walk 30,000 steps for weeks straight and I don't want to do that ish anymore but again...I panicked.

Then I was given out because 'it's dangerous', 'lalala'

Like come on! Give it a rest.

I'm already disappointed in myself because of wasting so many hours walking.... Honestly this is my sign to actually sign up to and stick to a gym because a treadmill to run and the stairs master would have gotten the job done in 45minutes... but still.

Anyways I can't be eating that much anymore because I'm not willing to waste my life doing cardio all the time. But as long as I achieved a calorie deficit honestly.

Me laughing cuz I did it.

But for real. I can't spend hours walking like it's not for me and it's not sustainable. Idk I kinda feel guilty. Like I act like a child.

I'm honestly really dehydrated so I hope I can keep up my current fast without breaking it because of dramatic side effects.

Bye for now Dolls!

[creepydoll907]

Getting yelled at for Ana activities<<

“you’re not the same person” bruv what?

[creepydoll907]

Day 10 of WL (19+)

It genuinely scares me how long I'd lost control. I was good yesterday but since the 19th or six days ago from yesterday I was disgusting to say the least. It kinda went like this: BED, BED, BED, BED & MIA, BED, BED.

Not only did I damage the skin around my mouth trying to meet princess MIA but I also had to take a stimulant to v***** because I can't do it for ish.

Yesterday was good. I finished eating really early as well. I couldn't sleep though and I woke up on the verge of a heart attack. JK but my heart was going so fast, couldn't get out of bed and my cortisol levels were probably through the roof.

I tried to finish eating a little later today so my fasting window was smaller to reduce the side effects.

I would say I ate more than yesterday today. I estimate 700cals. Like I said in previous posts I don't measure things exactly. Went on a brisk walk and burned roughly 170cals.

Guys I hate my body so much right now it's crazy. Like I feel so disgusting and uncomfortable in all my clothes.

I decided to work out consistently as well to help burn fat and for toning but my fat isn't shedding fast enough (Mind you I left BED for Princess Ana yesterday) and the muscle growth is causing me to be thicker.

The fact that back when I was deep in my Ana era I had completely lost my butt also triggers me because now I feel like my butt size correlates with how skinny I am... despite the fact that I'm currently actively building my butt muscles...

The relationship between an ana and their butt and boobs smh...

But yeah I genuinely feel like I really want it right now. I really want to be skinny and I'm willing to sacrifice anything. I just want it...really- really-bad.

I also worked out today so my body burns all this fat instead of opting for the easy option- my muscles.

Something that has been really helping me is rediscovering intermittent fasting. That was my love back when I was deep in my ana era but it can become really dangerous if you're highly stressed or dehydrated so I had to stop. But IF really helps you viewing fat loss as a game. Also ana is a competitive disorder and I hate comparing myself to friends and family so IF is a way for me to reignite my competitive side in an enjoyable way.

I'm honestly already imagining being back in uni and how I need to be skinny for it I'm being so for real. These sacrifices are all so worth it.

As for my diet right now, I stopped making my soup because i somehow binged on it and I'm mostly eating whole foods. I'm not actively restricting anything extremely hard but I am trying to eat as healthy as possible whilst making sure I get protein.

But I'm super excited to just keep updating you because I'm in this for the long haul and I'm not stopping until I'm unrecognisable.