#trigger warning for disturbing imagery if that upsets you

[penheadie]

Horror AU Pebble concept based off a sketch from one of @zeddyzi 's streams. I know it's just a lil doodle but I wanted to sketch. (Idk why I have a problem with drawing Stone and Pebble in the same position all the time I draw them together)

[sirenium]

I came across this horrible tumblr post that's unfortunately fairly popular, and it's just so fucking upsetting to me. You know that one image with the 'transmasc transition goals vs transfem transition goals' and the transmasc side is all pink and feminine? well this is the twitter screenshot from the post

trigger warning: calling for the death of somebody, disturbing imagery

I apologize but I cannot be assed to do an image description right now, I am too upset. 'whoever the fuck made this needs to be shot' are you that allergic to feminine transmascs? Jesus fucking christ. And the actual tumblr post ""fixes"" the image by putting team fortress characters on the transmasc side. Can we not do shit like that? feminine trans men and transmascs have it hard enough as is without you fuckers calling for the death of people making memes that have feminine transmasc goals. Feminine transmascs deserve to be depicted, actually.

And I know, somebody may come to me and say "but Sirenium! it's clearly infantilization of transmascs!" and you know what? if your first thought upon seeing femininity is 'infantilization' that is a massive you issue, buddy. I am LIVID as a fairly masculine transmasc that this just goes unchecked. I don't care if it's 'just a joke', you just come off as allergic to GNC trans guys and you need to knock it off.

[donnerpartyofone]

I have posted about this multiple times before but since tumblr's search won't cough any of it up, I'm just going to say it again so I can add my new thing to my thought process about trigger warnings:

Years ago a popular true crime blogger posted an ask from someone requesting that she tag for needles. I think she had posted that notorious x-ray of masochistic serial murderer Albert Fish's colon, which is admittedly disturbing, but she very politely declined on the basis that everything she posts tends to be violent and disturbing--you actually SHOULD find her blog upsetting--and users should manage their expectations around that general premise. Additionally, needles do not carry the specific traumatic weight of something like, say, racial violence or child abuse, for which a warning could be in order; needles are everyday objects that one might reasonably encounter in a store or a person's home, or practically anywhere. If you have such an aversion that it really affects your life to see a needle, you might want to pursue treatment and stop using a part of the internet that is essentially a giant random image generator.

My personal take on content/trigger warnings (are those different? If not then why do we have varying tags instead of one universal one to keep the system reliable?) is similar, that they're only important for material that could seriously upend someone's day. Is Thing X something you truly could not have expected where you encountered it? Would you need to leave work or school if you saw Thing X? Would you need to seek assistance or take a medication? Does Thing X cause significant social problems or affect your sense of safety? If not, you don't need a warning. I mean everyone can tag whatever they choose and of course some folks are happy to tag stuff just because someone might find it annoying or unpleasant, but you're not entitled to protection from strangers just to spare you casual discomfort.

One day I got this extremely angry anonymous message in all caps yelling at me for not tagging spiders. I had no idea what the person was talking about, but after a while I realized it had to be about a popular post I'd made years ago showing tarantulas in a Kids In the Hall sketch. This was especially funny to me because at the time I was posting a lot of explicit violence and sexual imagery that someone could reasonably object to, but this person felt that it was my job to help create the illusion of a spiderless world for their benefit. I know arachnaphobia is a real thing but I still think that if you suffer from it then it's your job to look after yourself and not everybody else's job to protect you from remembering that there are spiders.

This is kind of a tangent but I often think about how trypophobia is not technically a phobia because it isn't affecting anybody's ability to lead a normal daily existence. It's just a grossout thing, basically a matter of taste, but people love to try to elevate it to the level of a serious psychological vulnerability for some reason.

I'm thinking about this stuff (again) today because I just saw a post on one of the autism subreddits where someone linked to a scientific paper to answer a specific question, but they said it needed warnings for incidental use of the term "high-functioning" and advised that some people may not wish to read the paper at all so they wouldn't be triggered by it. That term is sometimes used to invalidate or deny care to people who give the outward appearance of less urgent needs, so it is indeed pretty tricky and needs work. But change is only going to come from attention; if you are concerned about the effects of that language then I think it behooves you to know how it is being used so you are able to argue about it and lobby for change. It's hard for me (a "high-functioning" person) to imagine a scenario in which I'm interested in reading about a condition I have, and then I refuse to do so because the phrase "high-functioning" is going to trigger a psychiatric episode so bad that it's better for me to just ignore information about my own health. I think an adult who is usually inclined to educate themselves should be able to handle occasionally seeing troublesome or outdated language.

Put more concisely than above, my criteria for warnings is just: when the questionable item relates to a real, reasonably common traumatic experience that would be unfair to spring on someone who could relate to it, and/or when the content would be legitimately surprising in its context. Like if you're in my corner of tumblr you should expect that you're going to see horror movie stuff, I'm not tagging anything like that unless it's miles over the line I typically draw. But on the other hand I was out at a restaurant one night and this spoiled egomaniac was practically shouting for a long time in graphic detail about episiotomies within earshot of everyone who was trying to eat. Honestly one of the staff should have told her to shut the fuck up. That's not a thing that people should be normally expected to put up with in a public dining situation, even though it regards a medical procedure that is not morally offensive.

It's probably obvious by now that I think that being uncomfortable and even offended, at least to some degree, has an important psychological and social function. It enables you to recognize and react to problems around you. Understanding what makes you uncomfortable is critical; dealing with discomfort builds character; and continuously avoiding everything you don't like keeps you infantile. It's actually not good to live in a world of only your favorite things.

[spookyscarycreepydollgirl]

I support the right of artists to depict whatever twisted disturbing content they want because I believe fiction is the one place you can do that without anyone getting hurt.

That being said, I do think you should warn people, especially if the content is gory or fetishistic or contains depictions of underage characters or cute animals or triggering material like SA. I even try to put warnings on my posts that include mentions of sex or sex adjacent stuff not just cause of NSFW reasons but because I understand what it means to be sex repulsed.

While I believe fiction doesn’t hurt people, it can still be upsetting to be confronted by heavy or disturbing imagery or themes without any kind of warning. So I think people who make that content should respect that the content is challenging enough that a warning should always be included.

I don’t think it’s a case of “don’t like don’t read” if the reader has no idea what they’re getting into. The same goes for drawings, paintings or film. I’m not saying someone is necessarily intentionally being bad if they don’t include warnings. Plenty of people just assume others have the same threshold as them. But if people are telling you otherwise or you have some inkling that the content could be disturbing then I do think it’s negligent not to try and warn people.

People have told me I’m too lenient when it comes to fictional depictions, but honestly, I don’t think I am. I think I’m very clear on where my line is. If it’s fiction I generally don’t care how disturbing it is as long as I’m warned about it beforehand. Because it allows me to go “no I do not want to see that” and click away. Sometimes I overestimate what I can handle even if there’s a warning but if the artist has done their due diligence and put a warning there, I don’t hold a grudge.

[pierofilm]

As of 12 Jan, 2024 — I won't be exhaustively tagging everything in my works to avoid possible spoilers (except for certain warnings that I do not see as a spoiler, or major warnings in the masterlist) that may ruin the element of surprise, but a further rating method I created will be implemented for reader discretion. My expectation is that you, as the reader, will use your best judgement regarding your reading experience after reading this post.

[ content. ]

Explanation, things I write about.

My usage of disclaimer/content warning/reader discretion.

My rating method ; the four suits.

— explanation, things I write about.

I'm mainly a dark author, and partly experimenting other genres/stuffs like fluff, as my navigation post suggests. But the dominant part of my project blog consists of dark unsettling tones. So I assume my readers know by default that I depict dark stories in graphic detail. It's a big part of my work. Part of my writing style includes descriptive imagery when I see fit.

If reading about any of these makes you uncomfortable, then my work will not be to your taste.

; yandere × noncon; toxicity; mental health issues/disorders (depression, dissociative identity disorder, psychopathic, sociopath, narcissistic, etc), self harming, depression; abuse (human/animal, pet) ; incest; sexual themes surrounding minors; pedophilia (only for my mcs and ocs); gore; cannibalism; suicide/murder (self immolation, strangling, varieties usage of weapons including knives, etc.); heavy blood/gore.

— my usage of disclaimer/content warning/reader discretion.

In my masterlist or oneshots, you will see a disclaimer along the lines of the following:

“By proceeding to read my works after checking the dictionary of suits, you've accepted and agreed that you may see anything listed respectively under the four suits.”

“This work/project has incorporated elements/scenes that some readers may found extremely distressing & upsetting. But the author chooses not to issue tags for everything that takes place in this work to preserve some element of surprise where applicable. By continuing, you accept to proceed at your own risk. Read full disclaimer here.”

“See respective installments for relevant warnings where applicable — Stories published on this blog are not exhaustively tagged for their entire content to prevent spoilers. See here and proceed at your own risk.”

Major warnings are always included in the masterlist of a particular work, and I do not repeatedly warn for them in the chapters. It spoils the entire thing: As I've said before, my intention is not to blindside anybody, and my main concern always has to do with spoiling and ruining potential twists.

I will be tagging accordingly but not exhaustively which then brings us to the rating method I've created.

— my rating method of content/reader discretion.

a method I've carefully thought of to tackle down the troubles of addressing specific tags for the events/scenes in a episodic format and/or oneshot. guidelines;

[ method ; cards of suits. 「♤♡♧♢」 ]

♤♡♧♢ : each suit corresponds to their respective warnings.

a single suit could appear in episodes that has the following warnings;events;elements—a combination of them is pretty explanatory—it gives you a slight clue/heads-up on what a story may contain/what you can expect.

the amount of a particular suit in a rating determines the fatality; ( ♤ ) indicates a low-tier warning, but a (♤♤) is a high-tier. ⇆ 「♡♡♧♢♢」 indicates that a particular scene has grown into a volume of an extremely upsetting, triggering, and disturbing events, which may not be suitable for some readers.

for example, classic lovesick episode 8's rating may contain 「♡♤♢」 ; you may check the dictionary of a particular/combination of suits. To sum it up, the suits will provide you a slight heads-up/clue on what may appear but not exactly what, and so the element of surprise are still preserved. I believe this still creates a reader discretion all while creating an air of suspense and shock. Subjectively, it's the same as playing a survival death game, but by knowing through a tall board across from you listed with a "what may happen;cause/method of your death" if you ever fail rather than being given an exact list/or knowing nothing about it and/or, which increases the suspense, fear, and danger.

Of course, not everyone shares the same opinion! But it was through this belief that I resorted to this rating method. After reading all that, please proceed to the dictionary.

Mainly inspired by @/cb97percent since i share the same perspective as her regarding that, some of the sentences/paragraphs here belongs to her, i only revised most of it into my own words! The rating method are entirely mine, inspired by Alice in Borderland if you're curious.

Please use your best judgement regarding consuming my work. If you do not see my rating method as a sufficient method to guide your reading experience, then by all means, you are free not to read my work. I appreciate you respecting my choices as an author, and thank you very much for showing interest in my work.

signed on 12 jan 2024! ✒️

[exponentialsuffering]

intro post!!

summary : mis, 19, it/they, vent art blog

name : mis (yes it is short for misery!! i have other similar noun names but this is my favorite one)

age : i do not perceive my age, but biologically i am 19

pronouns : it/its and they/them, equal preference

favorite numbers : 0, 2, 4, 11, 17, 71

i have a typing quirk, but plain text is easier to read, so i am not using it here

ᆞ

i post vent art. all photos are taken and edited by me. if you see these photos posted by someone else here or on pinterest without text, there's a high chance i am the same person!! feel free to ask me though

i will do my best to tag everything accordingly and add content and trigger warnings. i will not be posting any conventionally disturbing or nstw imagery. i have a few edits that have a lot of red color which is honestly somewhat disturbing to me. text on images is similar to vent/traumacore posts. because they are that. wanted to mention this anyway in case this will help someone to not see content they would dislike or find upsetting

i don't know what i would put in my do-not-interact but i may block someone if i am in that person's, or if several posts are distressing to me

ᆞ

content/trigger warnings i use here - to be updated as soon as required :

tw sui implied - anything that suggests voluntarily no longer existing

tw self deprecation - anything where i express low self-esteem etc

[gealach-in-a-misty-world]

Love changes you. So do the Outer Gods. Alone in a cottage, Lavinia writes to the woman she loved. Fifteen years ago, middle-aged Lavinia Whateley escaped her hilly Massachusetts town when the townsfolk decided to sacrifice her on Halloween. After almost dying in the woods, she's saved and housed by the stoic and mysterious Asenath Waite, or Azzie. On the coastal outskirts of East Providence, they start to fall in love. However, things change when Azzie, with her secret past and the strange "scars" on the side of her neck, begins to transform into an eldritch creature of the deep.

"To dance fiery and without abandon after you've lost everything". Morgan Dante's Providence Girls is a sapphic horror story that draws heavily from Lovecraftian lore. Brimming with body horror and upsetting imagery, it's a tale of finding comfort and compassion against all odds, of finding solace in companionship. The book starts off with a helpful list of trigger warnings. I don't usually read horror - I'm too much of a scaredy cat - but the plot intrigued me and I told myself it couldn't be that bad. Boy, was I wrong!

Being unfamiliar with Lovecraft, I was wholly unprepared for what was coming, while still being somewhat familiar with the concepts enough that when certain names started dropping, I realized what was going on. Still, I kept reading because the prose is absolutely lovely, filled with stunning turns of phrase; the story is also incredibly compelling. It's set up as an epistolary novel, with an older Lavinia recounting their months together, while Azzie is writing as events unfold, and Lavinia is reading Azzie's words in the present. The format meant that I thought I had the outcome figured out, but I was pleasantly surprised.

For all the unspeakable horror in the story - not just the Lovecraftian horror, but the more mundane horror of domestic abuse - this is such a tender story of resilience and love. It's an ode to healing and overcoming your trauma, and to find body autonomy again.

Providence Girls is a delightful novella, but I wouldn't recommend it if you're squeamish.

✨ 4 stars

.

📚📚📚 IF YOU LOVE THIS, YOU MIGHT LIKE:

* The Faerie Hounds of York, by Arden Powell

for: body horror, disturbing imagery

[You can find more of my reviews about queer speculative fiction on my blog MISTY WORLD]

[sogstu3]

Final Images and installation of Low-Hanging Fruit. In a critique it was mentioned that people thought it should hang low- tending to the title of the piece as well as the kind of taboo, glazed over, looked past nature of the subject matter. Other feedback contained a lot of genuine disturbed-ness of the insinuated ‘perpetrator’ of the work, as well as the general notion that I probably should have included trigger warnings for sexual assault before the discussion. This was so obvious when said but interesting how wrapped up in a work you can get that it slips the mind- particularly due to the analogy/metaphor/ imagery representation of the thing, which is not to say that it is subtle or un-obvious at all. In fact much of the reactions to the work described it as harsh, visceral and upsetting 

[septiccoffeefreak]

Update he asked me and I decided to tag in and talk about it. @moonstone-flicker-system

I don't want to spoil the plot but it's...not PURELY physiological, there's also a lot of very disturbing imagery and sound design packed in there, but the majority of it is towards the tail end of the game and all of it is used to emphasize the psychological part of it. There IS a broad theme and idea they're trying to explore and comment on through the story, and that IS what drives the horror.

I'll put trigger and content warnings under the cut (in a randomized order), in case you have any triggers and would need to check need them. If you can play the game or watch a letsplay of it yourself I'd highly recommend it. It was extremely compelling.

Also, unrelated, but Tommy- your tags 🥺?? thank you, firstly; and secondly, "Oh it's viscerally upsetting and filled me with despair!!! :D" is extremely on point and makes me laugh haha

Space

Guns

Flashing text and lights

Horses

Being stranded/trapped

Crashes/accidents (it's a spaceship, in case that matters)

Alcohol and Alcoholism

(offscreen) sexual assault

The narrative is purposely obscured at first and the player jumps around in the timeline, and sometimes even between different characters

Liminal spaces

A character is burned and mangled offscreen and has missing skin and several body parts also missing as a result, but is still alive

Force feeding medication

Mercy-kill (killing someone who is dying slowly/painfully to spare them the rest of the process)

Medical scans and equipment, including images of the inside of a human body

Eye imagery including close ups and multiple eyes

Cannibalism and forced cannibalism

Hallucinations and psychosis

Asphyxiation

Food and cooking (I know for people with EDs encountering unexpected food can be upsetting)

Pregnancy

Not sure if it counts as pregnancy loss, abortion, or a secret third thing but. Something along those lines also

Confined spaces

Suicide (method is taking pills)

Murder

Mentions of rationing out food and portion control

Imagery of someone being on fire

Mouthwashing was incredible. What the fuck

[is-the-owl-video-cute]

It's very disturbing to me that vegans insist on using photos meant to shock and upset and feel comfortable doing so at any moment. Posting photos of starving emaciated children is disturbing and tactless at best. I have no idea who the photographer is so take this with a grain of salt, but a lot of photos like that come from white savior websites that exploit the fuck out of the children featured. The entire 'genre' of emaciated African child in black and white is very disturbing to see, and often entirely exists for shock value. Beyond that photo, I've seen vegans post bizarre graphics, extreme p*rnography, gore, and mutilated animals with absolutely zero warning. I have some thoughts as to why they rely solely on shock value to get messages across, but you have far more experience with ara vegans than I do so I am curious your thoughts.

Oh it’s because a lot of ARA recruitment relies on emotional manipulation and trying to trigger people with random horrific imagery so they associate that response with animal agriculture. It’s a less intensive form of aversion therapy, and has been rather successful in some regards, particularly towards fur (and wool for, some reason).

And yes the stock images of starving children in Africa is very much a white savior trend. I remember when there were commercials after commercials of random white women in huts holding random black children while sad music played with narration about how we need to “save” all the hungry children in “Africa”. Never specifying what countries of course, just Africa. I honestly blame the American misconception that every part of Africa is rundown urban areas or grass huts with no clean water on these commercials and of course other nationalist propaganda.

Yes, there are starving children in parts of Africa. There are also starving children in Asia, Europe, South America, and indeed in the USA and Canada. It’s a global problem, so why put such a high emphasis on the (vague notion of) Africa as a western perceived concept?

White savior complex always makes my skin crawl because it’s racist in an insidious way, just false-concern and empty gestures and parables that subconsciously place non-white nations and ethnicities as inherently inferior and in need of pity and “help” from white nations, usually in the form of western occupation. Consider the way this propaganda is used to justify the United States sending military troops abroad. You don’t see it happening in impoverished parts of Europe, but Africa and Asia? Consistently.

[itlivesproject]

I know this is a horror game and all, but warnings would be nice or at least before the chapter is released a trigger warning of stuff that's in the chapter.

I understand but we have decided to not give specific trigger warnings. There is a content warning at the beginning of the book that states that the game contains disturbing images and scenes, and the genre is horror. Half the power of horror is the surprise, and if we release a warning stating everything that will be coming in the chapter, well, the effect is gone.

If you have certain triggers and you’re worried ILW could upset you, then I would just recommend holding off on playing until others have already played so you can have an idea of what’s coming.

But our game WILL contain horror elements. Violent and bloody CGs, disturbing images and content, gruesome imagery and deaths, and a lot of trauma, are all fair game. If any of that might be upsetting to you, then maybe this isn’t the game for you.

[thefingerfuckingfemalefury]

Thirty One Days of Horror Movies! Day One :D

Halloween is upon us again! :D

And beginning this countdown of horror movies to check out this month I thought I’d start with one that’s currently at the cinema

First of all though a trigger warning: This movie features multiple scenes of “Suicides” so if that would be triggering or upsetting for you, I recommend giving this one a miss

Smile is the story of a psychologist who witnesses a shocking and horrific incident while speaking with a woman who is convinced she’s being stalked by something only she can see. At first believing that this being was all in the womans head, unfortunately it soon turns out that this entity is all too real and it becomes a desperate race to figure out how to avoid meeting the same fate as the entities other victims

While Smile isn’t the most groundbreaking horror movie I’ve ever seen I will say that I really enjoyed it. It absolutely terrified me in places with some great unnerving moments and genuinely disturbing and creepy imagery and I thought the leads did a good job in their roles as well.

Also the way the plot uses supernatural horror to tackle the themes of trauma was well done I thought. Not quite as skillfilly wovven into the plot as in The Babadook, another movie I really recommend but still it was a nice touch that added something a bit extra to the plot and the lead actress did a very good job I think of portraying someone still struggling with the guilt and trauma of her past

Don’t go into this expecting everything to be neatly tied up and explained at the end as the nature of the creature is left deliberately vague here. And personally I think that makes it all the more disturbing. There’s no wooden stake or silver bullet to be found here.

There are some nice nerve-shredding scenes of building tension and sudden shocks and while not all the scares are the most original there still very effective.

Definitely recommend checking this out if your in the mood for a scary evening at the cinema

Though it might leave you feeling extremely paranoid the next time you see a stranger smiling at you O.O;

[utopians]

Okay, so I’m not sure if you might still be into SCP stuff, but if you haven’t read it, I highly recommend you read SCP 6670. A trigger warning for body horror, cannibalism, abuse, and forced isolation.

I read it and now I can’t stop reading it. It’s horrific in a way that hasn’t hit me for a long while.

HM I saw a screenshot of a tweet recommending that one a few weeks ago + read it out of curiosity and hate to say. didn't really love it, was gonna post my Thoughts on it at the time but never got around to it. ANYWAY thoughts will be under the cut in case anyone wants to read for themselves without being spoiled. big warnings for everything anon mentioned if you do

I thought the article definitely delivered on horrifying visuals but I thought the situation was unrealistic enough that I. couldn't really suspend my disbelief enough to be genuinely upset by it? it sets up the mother as someone who really, genuinely cares about her kid and is trying to make a better life for her, and her just failing to go get help for what. 3 years? while her kid is stuck in a hole just does not line up with that at ALL... if this was a story abt a shitty neglectful parent I'd buy it but it just doesn't line up with her characterization as a loving mother whatsoever

the whole premise of the kid just... "falling through a hole in the wall" (??) and then her presumably loving mother just not doing anything about it for the next several years for no real reason just seems. so unrealistic and divorced from how actual people would act that I can't take it seriously. like sure, she doesn't want to call emergency services because she's afraid of losing custody, but you're telling me that in three years she never once considered buying a hammer and knocking out some drywall?? like not even a single attempt? she chose to leave her child just stuck in a hole for no reason?? no actual person would ever behave like this and I just cannot take the story seriously because of it

the vibe I got from the article was like. the author came up with this super horrifying disturbing visual of the kid growing through the walls of the house (idk if you saw his sketch in the discussion section but it was pretty upsetting) which is like. solid horror, but then he had no idea how to write that visual into a story so we ended up with a super contrived unrealistic way for the kid to end up stuck in the wall that made literally no sense. I think he made the mother super sweet and loving so it would be more disturbing when everything went south, which it did, but it also made the events of the story completely ridiculous. I think it would've worked WAY better as a story about neglect instead of a story about an attentive, loving mother who behaves in an absolutely unrealistic nonsensical way so the Scary Horror Premise can happen yk

SORRY FOR. GOING HAM HERE I really do appreciate the rec and I did think the story had some Very disturbing imagery with a lot of potential I just had beef with the exposition to get 2 that point :(

[marshvlovestv]

Now this is the kind of light psychological horror that I fuck with.

If On A Winter’s Night, Four Travelers is a very short game, taking me less than two and a half hours, but in that short time it pushes both pixel art and the point-and-click adventure genre to their limits in terms of artistic potential. It looks absolutely gorgeous (I was especially impressed by an effect in the second chapter where a character is made to look transparent and ghostly - it was probably a lot easier to do than I think but it still blew my freakin mind), and the stories unfold in a way that takes great advantage of the strengths of the art style and point-and-click mechanics. If you don’t like pixel art or adventure games then you obviously won’t be impressed, but if you’re an aficionado of either or both, like me, this game is free and I completely recommend it.

Being psychological horror this game does merit several trigger warnings - gore (that is pixelated but still upsetting), animal death, otherwise disturbing imagery and especially suicide, which is a major theme. My only quarrel with this game is the ending, which (SPOILER) uncritically presents that Catholic bullshit that people who commit suicide automatically go to Hell, a notion that really angers me, as someone who regularly battles suicidal thoughts.

Not to be a downer. Great game. Love it.

[jckelly]

you know exactly how it goes / pt i

1100 words

trigger warnings: violence, jail, alcohol, smoking

FINN IS VERY DISTURBED when his mind slips back to the months spent in Leeds, when he was eighteen, and Jack was fifteen and would visit him on the weekend, having semi recently acquired Claire and all of her proclamations about wanting to keep them together and close and in touch, a side effect of which was the weekly train ticket.

Finn himself had acquired a seemingly permanent position on the sofa of Maisie’s mother’s flat, where he silently withheld his judgement as Maisie whined at her mum cooking too much food or demanding to know where she was going so late at night. How dare she care? Finn kept his mouth shut, as always. Unlike his brother, he was blessed with the gift of locking his lips closed, an invisible bouncer vetting the words before they emerged, turning away any which seemed drunk enough to provoke conflict or upset. Inside, jealousy danced with envy, bought a drink for disgust. Better a mother who cared too much than not at all.

(His primary positive trait, perhaps only one, was his levelheadedness. He figured that the only reason Claire sent Jack back to him, despite seemingly professing a desire to move his life on from what it had been as quickly as possible, was out of some hopeless faith that Finn’s calm would neutralise all of the chaotic energy held deep inside his younger brother. Fat fucking chance, he thought but didn’t say, because he was calm and he didn’t need to cause upset with every other sentence.)

Finn is disturbed not because it was all bad, evidently it was not, there were days when he thought that they were almost like real siblings again, with the space to argue and pick on each other because it wasn’t them against the world anymore. He can be grateful to Claire for that much, at least, for the few months before everything went tits up. He can be a big person in that way. But he can’t cast his mind back to that time without that night in October passing through his eyes, the walk home illuminated by lit pumpkins and the sparks of cigarettes, because it was late and the pubs were closing so the drunks took it outside instead, nevermind the cool air. Nothing quite like vodka, drunk from a bottle in a paper bag (which made it yet more obvious rather than concealing the alcohol held within, may as well slap a label on the bag saying ALCOHOLIC) for warmth anyway.

And how if they had walked just the tiniest bit faster across the pavement, or left earlier, maybe they would have been out of earshot by the time the one specific drunk had chimed in with a howl of druggooooo, like a battle cry, Celtic warrior imagery from the books in the library slipping into Finn’s mind, except the blue face paint is replaced by the scrappy stubble of a teenage boy trying to be a man, hood up, eyes wild with a mix of substance and arrogance. The insult isn’t even particularly witty, it’s true in that it references their mother, Finn would have simply blown it off were he alone. But he wasn’t.

And how he’d still like to believe that when Jack raised his hand, it slipped his mind that the bottle was still in it; that he only intended to leave a bruise and that as the amber glass rained down in the eyes of the jack o’lanterns, illuminated like angular fireflies, the smell of the beer mixing with the metallic scent of blood, the inhale Jack took was as sharp as his brother’s, that his heart skipped as many beats with the realisation that this was something far worse.

Naturally, nobody questioned him when the police came, when all Finn could think to do was immediately claim responsibility. There were witnesses, but it had been so sudden. All they saw was in a split second, three boys standing went down to two. And did it truly matter who had struck the blow? When nobody had stepped in to stop them?

In the eyes of the law, it mattered because Finn was an adult, because they were given free rein to lock him up for three years, although he was released after eighteen months for good behaviour. Which didn’t really matter to him, because he had nothing much to leave for. Maisie, sure, although it took her a while before every phone call to him didn’t begin with what the fuck have you done? But in the eyes of Maisie’s mother, in the eyes of Claire, he was no longer levelheaded or calm or sensible. Now he was violent, unpredictable, dangerous. The personality traits which had made him desirable slipped into negatives, because they could seemingly change at any moment.

(If he could do this, who knew what else he was capable of?)

It’s not the months of prison which play on his mind. It’s not the fact that he struggles to get a visa to even visit the US, because he has a grievous bodily harm conviction and lord knows he’s a dangerous ex convict now no matter what he does, no matter who he is. What disturbs him, keeps him up late at night because it flashes before his eyes every time he tries to sleep, is the constant replay in his head of the moment he had announced his guilt.

And how he had expected Jack to say something, because doesn’t Jack pride himself on his loyalty to his family?

And how it hadn’t been a trick of the light when he saw a flicker pass across his brother’s blue eyes, the choice before him. In real time, Finn was watching Jack choose between his past and his future.

He’d said nothing, damned Finn to conviction without a second glance. And although Finn would have claimed otherwise had Jack gone as far as to say it was him who had glassed the boy (glassed is such an ugly word, he rarely lets it come into his head), some part of him resents that he never even tried to take the blame. Jack had weighed his options, and chosen the one which gave him a career and a spotless record, the one which against every value Finn had thought he held.

It makes Finn think that he doesn’t truly know his brother after all, now, when he looks into his eyes through Skype, the graininess failing to obscure the sheer determination held within. The determination which becomes only more obvious as he looks across to see Jack at graduation. Jack would do it again, that much he knows for sure. Jack would do anything to protect himself from his own actions.

[gaylotusthatexists]

an explosive birthday

pairing: platonic intrulogical and dukeceit

summary: It’s Remus birthday, but everyone else has seemed to have forgotten. He decides to torment Thomas to celebrate.

trigger warnings: sympathetic janus, remus is kinda morally grey ig?, some disturbing imagery (remus related), blood mention, please let me know if i need to add anything

word count: 2261

a/n: happy birthday to my favourite trash man!!!!!!!!! i would like to apologise to him for what i just put him through, but i do love him and hope he has a nice day (better than what he got in this fic ahsjsh). yeah, hope y’all enjoy tho <3

ao3

Remus stared up at his ceiling, eyes wide open and mind racing. He hadn't seen Janus in a while, not since the wedding. He hadn't been bothering Thomas, either - it was no fun when Thomas just brushed him away, and Thomas had a lot more things to be dealing with right now anyway. The only contact he'd had with anyone else was with Roman, who still wandered in and out of their shared bedroom, sometimes crying and sometimes just looking tired. Since the wedding, Remus had spent the majority of his time staring at the ceiling, occasionally heading into the Imagination to kill some things but mostly just staring at the ceiling, deep in thoughts he wished he didn't have.

He picked up his phone and decided to continue reading that... online novel he'd been reading, not really taking in any of the words or even caring about it but enjoying the feeling of his thumb sliding over the screen, a nice change from his fingernails digging into his skin. Deciding this this was boring, he locked his phone, only to turn it back on a moment later and stare at his lock-screen. A photo of him and Janus, a manic look in Remus' eyes and a bored expression on Janus' face, with a burning building behind them. Remus remembered that - it was for his birthday last year, Janus had taken him into the Imagination for a night of crime and light arson, an activity that Remus always loved.

Huh. He glanced up at the date on his phone, noticing that it was his birthday. Damn - had it really been that long since the wedding? Surely...

He sat up in bed, cringing a little at how the sudden movement caused his head to ache. He slowly began to rub his temple, fingernails scratching against his skin a little too hard and possibly drawing blood. Hmm. It was already midday, according to the time on his screen and judging by the sun seeping into his room, and nobody had come to wish him a happy birthday yet. That... wasn't exactly unusual, he supposed, but Janus - and Virgil, before he left - always used to throw him some sort of party, and back when they had a more civil relationship Roman used to at least acknowledge his birthday. Thinking about it, though, he hadn't actually seen Roman in a week or so...

Well. He hummed, deciding that maybe he should leave his room for today. It was a special occasion, after all, and it had been a while since Remus had eaten anything other than his own hair or his deodorant - he'd actually ran out of deodorant to chew on a couple weeks ago, he needed to steal some more at some point. He doubted that anyone actually remembered or even cared about his birthday - they'd all seemed to have forgotten about his existence, at the very least - but maybe he could have a little fun. Who to bother, though...

Remus clicked his fingers and appearing next to Thomas in the kitchen, draping himself over Thomas' body. "Hey, Thomas!"

"Gah!" Thomas exclaimed, jumping away from Remus and pointing a spoon at him somewhat threateningly.

A grin grew across Remus' face as he leapt up onto the counter, swinging his legs back and forth. "Wouldn't it be fun if the oven just... exploded, right now? Fire everywhere, you blown to pieces, one arm over there, a leg over here-"

"What are you doing here?" Thomas interrupted, his arm shaking.

Remus pulled his legs up onto the counter and sat crosslegged, propping his elbows up on his knees and resting his chin on his hands. "I want to talk to you! Don't you wanna hang out with your dear ol' Duke?" He felt something wet land on his hand, something dribbling down his chin. Blood - that was just a little concerning, he'd made a mental note to investigate the blood dripping out his mouth later. For now, though, he just sucked it back up, eyes lighting up at the look of disgust on Thomas' face.

Logan stepped into the kitchen, took one look at Remus, and sighed. "Remus, would you get off the kitchen counter, it's incredibly unsanitary."

Remus pouted. "Everyone else sits on the counter and you never complain about them!"

"Yes, but the rest of us shower," Logan pointed out.

Thomas moved closer to Logan, hiding behind him. "Logan, help, please."

Logan sighed again. "Remus, may I inquire why you are bothering Thomas right now?"

"It's my job!" Remus answered. "Do you want me to not do my job?"

"Your job is to make Thomas aware of the more... mature aspects of creativity, not to scare him for the sake of it."

Remus jumped off the counter and stepped towards Logan. He grabbed his tie and pulled him closer, so their faces were only inches apart. "More mature ideas, huh?" He smirked, raising an eyebrow.

A look of pure disgust arose across Thomas' face. "Ew! Gross! Can you- Can you not?"

Logan didn't move from his position or even seem to flinch when one of Remus' tentacles attached itself to Logan's shoulder, but his eyes did quickly dart over to Thomas. "Thomas, why don't you go somewhere else, I'll take care of Remus for now?"

Thomas eagerly escaped, leaving Remus alone with Logan. Logan looked back towards Remus, staring into his eyes for a solid few minutes, neither saying a word, before Remus just broke. Tears starting pouring down Remus' face, and Logan started to look vaguely uncomfortable, stepping back. Remus let go of Logan's tie and stumbled back towards the counter, leaning against it and trying to take some breaths to calm himself down. He didn't even know what was wrong - he wasn't upset, was he? It was very rare that Remus got upset. He thrived off making other people upset, why would he be upset himself?

"Uh, Remus?" Logan asked, stepping towards him again and slowly lifting a hand. "Are you-"

Remus grabbed his wrist in midair before Logan could place a hand on his shoulder. Logan stopped, beginning to look just a little afraid. That just made Remus' insides hurt even more, like all his guts where trying to push out, or like his heart was about to explode. Under any other circumstances, he imagined he would have enjoyed that, or at least enjoyed the looks on the others faces when they saw all his internal organs burst right out of his chest, but in that moment all he wanted was for the feeling to stop so he could maybe torment Logan a little more, let out a little steam.

Remus let go of Logan's wrist and moved away again, now just looking at Logan with... fear in his eyes, as Logan began to rub the red mark forming on his wrist. Without another word, Remus sank out and reappeared on his bed, crying into his pillow. Today wasn't going the way he planned.

~*~

It had been a couple hours since his encounter with Remus in the kitchen, and the curiosity still plagued Logan's mind. What had gone on in there? Logan had never seen Remus like that.

It was strange, as well, that Remus suddenly decided to be a nuisance again. He'd been quiet recently, and, thanks to Janus' help, Thomas was in a much better state mentally. Logan couldn't even begin to imagine why Remus would have been so upset, or why he looked... even worse than usual, somehow dirtier and more unkempt than he always was.

It was due to this concern that Logan found himself outside of Janus' bedroom door, a hand hovering over the wood as he tried to find the courage to knock. Logan didn't have a terrible relationship with Janus, he supposed, although he couldn't really say they were the best of friends, either. He'd certainly never gone into Janus' room before, never even considered that he may need to in the future, but here he was, right outside.

Before Logan got chance to knock, the door slowly opened, revealing Janus on the other side. "Logan," he said, sound a little surprised, "come to lecture me, have you?"

Logan frowned. "What? No." Janus seemed surprised at that, as well. "I... have some concerns that I want to talk to you about. Nothing to do with you or Thomas, I just... you're the only side I can really talk to about this."

Janus hummed, before stepping aside, allowing Logan to enter the room. It looked pretty much like Logan had imagined - walls painted yellow, musical posters hung up, a clothes rack filled with various disguises, and a couple snakes crawling over his desk. Janus went to sit down on his bed and Logan considered sitting down at the desk, but decided against it due to the snakes, one of which was slowly wrapping around the chair, and instead Logan opted to just stand up near the exit.

He breathed in. "Has... Has Remus been acting a little weird recently?"

Janus blinked. "Remus? I..." He glanced down at the floor. "I haven't seen him, actually. Y'know, been a little busy the last week or so working out Thomas' skin care routine."

"Yes, Janus, you're doing a great job on that, by the way."

Janus bowed his head. "Thank you." He looked back up at Logan. "Is there... something wrong with Remus, though? I suppose he has been pretty quiet lately."

"I don't know if there's anything wrong," Logan admitted, "but I spoke with him earlier in the kitchen... sort of. He- He started crying, and he looked a little worse for wear, and it just... got me thinking."

Janus hummed. He sat there for a while, staring at the floor, before his eyes widened and he rushed back to his desk, carefully removing one of the snakes and looking at his calendar. He swore under his breath.

"What?" Logan asked, stepping to the side to move away from the snake now trying to escape the room. "What is it?"

"It's his birthday today."

~*~

Remus found himself staring at the ceiling again, his foot bouncing up and down. He considered breaking into Janus' room and stealing his wine - even if he did hate the taste, it would at least calm his thoughts down a little. But he couldn't seem to get his body to move. Janus wouldn't want Remus in his bedroom, anyway - there must have been a reason that Janus hadn't spoken to him since the wedding, and... if Janus didn't want to be his friend anymore, than fine, in all honestly Remus didn't blame him. Remus was hard to deal with and not a brilliant friend and honestly caused more harm than good, and he knew that. Remus knew now that Janus hated him, and that was perfectly fine - he just wished he didn't come to that realisation on his birthday.

He already knew that the others hated him, anyway. Thomas first reaction to seeing him earlier was just to scream, and then run away as soon as possible. Virgil had hated Remus ever since he left, Patton had always hated Remus, and Roman was... Roman wasn't too bad, although Remus couldn't remember the last time the two of them had a real conversation that didn't just end in insults back and forth. He supposed that Logan earlier hadn't seemed to hate him entirely, although it was obvious that Remus was making him uncomfortable, which meant it was likely that Logan didn't like him either.

He heard his bedroom door open, but didn't tear his eyes away from the spot on the ceiling. It was probably just Roman, back for another few days of sulking - that seemed to be his routine recently, a week or so with the others and then a few days of crying on his bed. Remus didn't really have it in him to care, Roman could do whatever he wanted with his life.

What Remus wasn't expecting was for Roman to scoop him up in his arms and hold him tight. Remus stiffened at the sudden human contact, not entirely sure how to respond - even back when he was still friends with Janus and Virgil, they'd never hug him like this. But...

"Happy birthday, Remus," a voice whispered into his ear. That wasn't Roman. That was...

"Janus?" Remus let out. Janus pulled away from the hug, much to Remus' disappointment. "What are you..."

"I'm sorry it took me so long to remember," Janus said. "And... And that I haven't really been there for you recently. Are you- Are you okay?"

Remus was silent for a long time. He glanced around the room, noticing that Logan had come with Janus, but didn't seem to know what to do now that he was here. Janus still stared at Remus expectantly. Finally, Remus whispered, "No."

Janus pulled him into a hug again, this time refusing to let go. Remus awkwardly hugged back at first, before sinking into his, resting his head on Janus' shoulder. He breathed in and out, trying to ignore how shaky his breath was. He was... okay. Janus was still here, Janus didn't hate him, did he?

Eventually, Janus had to pull away, but still kept his hands on Remus' shoulders. "How about we go blow some stuff up?" Janus suggested. "Remember last year when we set all those building on fire-"

Remus snorted. "Yeah. That was fun."

Janus smiled at him. "We could go do that again to celebrate, if you want."

Remus breathed out, and smiled. "That'd be nice."