#tried to up the quality of this the best i could

[achilles-rage]

achilles-rage’s twelve days of christmas

day twelve: have yourself a merry little christmas (ft. evan buckley)

summary: spending christmas eve with your boyfriend, evan buckley.

word count: 1.6k

series masterlist

a/n: so sorry this is late, my grandparents just got here for christmas and i’ve been spending time with them!! and if i’m not online tomorrow, merry christmas!! i love and appreciate you guys so much, you have no idea!! enjoy<3

warnings: none, no use of y/n, fem!reader, plus size!reader, race inclusive!reader

Despite all the disorder and chaos the holidays bring, Buck loves everything about it. He’s often stressed about finding the perfect gifts for his loved ones, but the pure, unfiltered joy it brings him to see his friends and family happy always makes him completely forget about the hunt to find said gifts.

Coming home from work on Christmas Eve this year, however, felt off. His heart felt warm as he left work; feeling the brisk December air, seeing the multicoloured lights, and watching those around him frantically searching for last minute gifts and turkey dinner ingredients. He was only pulled back to his own Christmas Eve when he got to his apartment, remembering that you’re working late tonight, and he won’t be able to spend the night with you.

His face lights up, however, when he opens the door to Christmas music playing, and you standing in the kitchen in an apron, rather than a dark, empty house.

“Merry Christmas Eve, baby.” you say in a sickly-sweet voice, looking up from your mixing bowl to give him a wide grin.

He drops his bag and crosses the apartment to give you a kiss, unable to say anything as he wraps his head around the fact that you’re right here. He could already see his night in his head; all of his friends were spending the nights with their own families, so he’d be sat on the couch, all alone, wishing you were beside him in your matching Christmas pajamas.

“I thought you had to work?” he says when he pulls back from the kiss, one hand finding its home on your hip. 

You drop the spatula in your hand and raise your shoulders, giving him a cheeky smile. 

“I may have wanted to surprise you. My boss told me I could go home early, so I figured I’d keep it a surprise. I thought we could-” you explain, but you’re cut off by his lips on yours again, his shirt most definitely getting covered in flour and sugar as he presses his body against yours.

His kiss is slow and passionate, and it makes your head spin as his cologne invades your every sense. You haphazardly raise your hands to his wrists in a desperate attempt to ground yourself as he holds your face in his hands, and the stubble that scratches along your chin and your cheeks makes you shiver.

“This is the best surprise ever.” he murmurs as he pulls back, looking down at you with a dazed smile. 

He then looks down at the cookie dough on the counter, and smirks as he dips a finger into the bowl and raises a glob of it to his lips. You roll your eyes with a soft laugh, then push him away and take the mixing bowl back into your arm to keep him away from it.

“Hey, stop that! These are for dinner tomorrow.” you tell him sternly, although the smile threatening to make its way onto your face betrays you. You’re going over to Athena and Bobby’s tomorrow for Christmas, and you desperately want to make sure you don’t run out of sweets.

“I don’t think anyone will mind if we’re one cookie short.” he tries to reason, taking a step forward. You step away again, a quiet giggle escaping your lips as he lunges at you and wraps his arms around your plush middle.

“What about 10 cookies short? I know you; you always eat them when they come out of the oven.” you argue, raising your shoulders to protect your neck as he drops his head and begins to press sloppy kisses to your neck, his stubble tickling your skin.

“Quality check.” he mumbles against your skin, and you laugh again, trying to squirm out of his grip.

“Buck, I’m serious.” you get out through breathless laughs, feeling your heart rate increase at the feeling of being wrapped in your boyfriend’s arms.

“And I’m in love with you.” he purrs, pressing one last kiss to your neck before pulling away reluctantly. He looks at the big smile and your face, and his chest swells with pride. He loves being able to make you a giggling and flustered mess with just a few kisses.

“And I love you. Now, please, can you get started on dinner while I finish these?” you ask him sweetly as the oven dings to signal it’s reached the right temperature.

“You’re no fun.” he teases, but complies, making his way to the fridge to pull out ingredients for dinner.

“Hey, I came home from work early for you. And, I bought more cocoa powder at the store so we can make homemade hot chocolate and drink it while we watch Christmas movies in our matching Christmas pajamas, which I also bought for us.” you argue in a teasing tone, narrowing your eyes at him. 

He beams over his shoulder at you, and he has to resist the urge to pull you into him again at the thought of spending Christmas Eve with you on the couch, wrapped in each other’s arms with no worries or stress.

“You’re the best.” he tells you with a wink, balancing the food in his arms before dropping it on the kitchen counter.

“Damn right, I am.” you tell him with a smirk.

You both continue to work around each other in the kitchen, falling into a comfortable silence as the soft hum of the Christmas music envelopes you. 

When the cookies are done and cooling on the counter, and your bellies are full from the dinner Buck had made, you go upstairs to change into your pajamas. While Buck’s consist of pajama pants and a t-shirt, yours are shorts with the same pattern, and a long sleeve shirt.

You sit on the counter as Buck makes the hot chocolate, swinging your legs absentmindedly as you talk about your days, and the plan for tomorrow. You sit close enough to the stove that Buck can keep a hand on you when he’s stirring the hot chocolate, at his insistence, of course, letting him run his fingers over the soft flesh of your thighs.

Every now and then, you pull him towards you, distracting him momentarily with a kiss as you wrap your legs around his waist. He melts into the kiss each time, the task at hand slipping his mind as he gets wrapped up in you, but he always pulls away before the hot chocolate burns, and you’re not sure how it hasn’t burnt already.

You bring your hot mugs to the couch once it’s ready, and curl up under lots of blankets, sides pressed together as you rest your head on his shoulder and he extends his arm behind you on the couch. 

“What movie should we watch?” Buck asks as he turns on the TV, beginning to scroll through movies.

“How about It’s a Wonderful Life?” you ask, eyes following the flipping of movie titles passing on screen.

“What?” he says, brows furrowing as he looks down at you. Your brows furrow as well, and you look up at him quizzically, eyes searching his face.

“You’ve never seen It’s a Wonderful Life?” you ask in disbelief, letting your jaw drop as he shakes his head.

“No? Was I supposed to?” You sit up straight, hot chocolate in hand threatening to spill over the edge of the mug as you stare at him, completely dumbfounded.

“It’s a classic, I used to watch it every year growing up. What kind of movies did you watch as a kid?” you ask, turning your body completely to face him. He shrugs sheepishly, then looks down at his lap, feeling a little embarrassed.

“We never really celebrated Christmas much. I mean, there were presents and stuff, but there were never any traditions or anything. My parents got even more upset and distant around holidays, which makes sense now, I guess. But at the time, I just didn’t really see the point in celebrating Christmas if all it did was make my parents sad.” Your eyes soften at his words, and you feel a pang in your chest as you picture a little baby Buck wondering why his house seems to be the only one not filled with joy and laughter.

“Oh, baby. I’m sorry.” you whisper, a frown on your face. You move your fingers up to his chin and force his face back up, ducking your head a little until his eyes are back on yours. “We should make some new traditions, give you a real, happy Christmas.”

“Like homemade hot chocolate?” he replies, a small smile coming back onto his face. It’s true, his Christmases were never great, but now, with you, he’s extremely excited about the holidays.

“Yeah, and Christmas movies in matching pajamas.” you reply with a smile, leaning in to kiss him softly.

He hums as he kisses you back, and when your hand comes up to rest on his cheek, he lets out a content sigh. This has got to be the best Christmas ever. He has everything he could ever wish for right here in front of him.

“Sounds perfect. As long as it’s with you.” he tells you sincerely when you both pull away. 

You feel heat rise to your cheeks at his words, and you bite your lip, as you stare into his eyes, entranced.

“Merry Christmas.” you whisper, then move to face the TV again, settling against him.

“Merry Christmas.” he replies, pressing a kiss to the top of your head before resting his head on top of yours and clicking play on the movie.

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[redfoxwritesstuff]

Tis The Season: Chapter 1 (Human Alastor x Wife!Reader)

AN: This is for @voxtekinc's winterfest! A personal request addon to the prompt was that I smut it and that it was MisD AU where Reader met and married Alastor instead of Laurence when she was young.

Prompt: Finding out your loved one has a terminal illness and Christmas day was their final day so you want to make the most of it.

CW: Angst, soft smut, dying family member

Summary: Alastor is faced with the horrible reality of his mother's ailing health. When this looks like it could be their last christmas together, he tries to will the truth to be different with his wife tries to make as many memories as possible. Tis the season for pie, decorating a tree, exchanging gifts and spending time with family. Smile everyone, It's Christmas!

The front door creaked as it opened. It was a foreboding sound, far better suited for the fall harvests with their ghost stories, ghouls, and goblins than it was for the festive winter season, with its cheery music and twinkling lights. 

“Alastor?” you called out, drying your hands on the towel as you stepped into the living room from the kitchen. 

Your husband had been out, attending to a physician’s appointment with his ailing mother. It was unsaid, had been for most of the year, but both of you suspected- no, you knew it in your heart- that this would be her last Christmas on this earth. 

The look on Alastor’s face as he hung up his hat, shrugging out of his overcoat, told you it was no longer a suspicion for him either. 

“Oh, Al.” you sighed, taking a few steps forward on trembling legs while tears welled in your own eyes. “How long?” 

Alastor looked broken, on the edge of tears himself as his head hung low, hair fighting to curl. He looked up at you over the tops of his glasses, raindrops distorting the polished surface. He was a tall man, easily towering over most men and nearly all women in the city, but in that moment, shoulders slumped, he never looked so small.

He wrapped his arms around you, not sparing a second to toe off his shoes. Your heart sank more, if that was even possible. Alastor was always one for taking your shoes off in the comfort of his home, for being comfortable. 

He clutched you as he wrapped his arms tightly around you. You ran your hands up his back, letting your nails scratch up his neck and along his scalp. You could feel his body shake with every shuddering breath he took. 

“A week,” Alastor whispered, sounding so much like a boy. 

Your heart broke for your husband. He was the strongest man you knew, working long hours, at times sleeping at the station to ensure he had the best quality work to put on the air. 

He did all of that, not to provide for you but to make his Ma happy, to make her proud of him. Of course, he had accomplished that long ago. She was proud of him before he had his big break. She was proud of him before he married. You were pretty sure she had been proud of him since before he was much more than a fledgling of a man. 

“How is she?” You blinked back tears, desperately not wanting to take the attention off of him. 

“She’s brave,” Alastor said, face tucked into your neck. “She’s so much braver than I am.” 

“She has to be,” you whispered, failing to hide the sorrow in your voice or to stop the tears from running down your face. “How else could she raise such a brave man?”

“I’m not ready.” Alastor sniffled against your shoulder, wetness soaking into your dress as you held him. 

“I don’t think anyone ever is.” You stroked his back, fingers working over tense muscles as he took long, deep breaths. “What are we going to do? Did she say what she wanted to do?” 

“She bemoaned not getting to see her grandchildren,” Alastor said, shoulders slumped as you continued to hold him, not saying anything about the tears soaking into your dress. “And wants us to spend the week with her, to be with her when she…” 

He couldn’t say it. That was alright, you didn’t need him to say it. 

“Okay.” You worked your fingers through his thick hair, the tips of them getting lost at the roots, where the curl was never really tamed. “We can do that.” 

“You don’t mind?” Alastor finally looked up at you, wet eyes rimmed with red, eyebrows furrowed. 

“Not at all.” You forced a smile on your lips, wet from the tears that hadn’t made a perfect path to your jaw. “She’s a wonderful woman and I’m honored that she’d want me to be at her side along with you when she…” 

It turned out you couldn’t say it either. 

“I’ve made a mess of your dress,” Alastor murmured, fingers running along the wet fabric. “I’m sorry, forgive my moment of weakness.” 

“Nonsense.” You leaned up on your toes, taking advantage of Alastor still being stooped over you to place a soft kiss on his damp cheek. “You don’t have to be strong for me all the time. Let me be the strong one sometimes, alright?” 

~~~~~<3

You were surprised when Alastor’s arms slipped around your waist, pulling your back to his chest as he settled into the bed. It was late, and you’d been tossing and turning for hours as you waited for your husband to settle into bed for the night. 

You didn’t blame him for staying up with a glass of rye. God above knew the man deserved it. That didn’t make you feel any less lonely in the bed, though. 

At first, you hadn’t minded. In the darkness of your bedroom, tucked under the heavy quilts, you allowed yourself a good cry. It wasn’t something you had wanted to do with Alastor. It was his time to grieve; he didn’t need to be holding you through your grief. 

Finally, as he held you to him in the dark, you could really relax. Sleep threatened to take you quickly, only to be chased away by the sound of your husband’s voice. 

“Cher?” His hot breath sent the little hairs at the back of your neck dancing, tickling the sensitive skin. 

“Yes, Al?” 

“Let’s have a child?” Your heart soared at the question only to plummet, crashing to the ground. 

“You do not wish to be a father,” you whispered, turning onto your back, twisting to face him better.

“I’ve changed my mind,” Alastor said, pulling you to him as he leaned into you, rolling himself atop you. Legs tangled with legs under the blankets. “Please, Cher. Let’s just do it. I want to. You’d make a wonderful mother.” 

“Alastor?” You sighed as his lips descended upon your neck, peppering you with sweet kisses that threatened to steal all your good sense. 

“Please, Cher?” Alastor rocked his hips against you, pushing his hard cock into you. 

He was already naked, ready for you. When you opened your mouth, preparing to question him again, he kissed you softly. You sighed, not able to resist the sweet rye flavored kiss as he ran his hand up your thigh. 

Resistance was pointless. You knew that as much as he did. Your husband knew well how to kiss you, how to touch you, to render you thinking of nothing more than your desire to have him inside you. 

You knew better and yet you couldn’t help but submit as his hand pushed your nightgown higher up your thighs. There was a need, one that reached far deeper than just sexual as he held you, sinking his cock slowly into your wet hole as if perhaps if he was inside of you everything would be okay again. 

He sighed, breath washing over you as he seated himself fully. Making love with Alastor was often a passionate affair. He was an eager lover, in control and dominating, stealing your breath away, leaving you screaming his name as you dug your nails into the bedsheets. 

Tonight, you made sweet love with your husband. Though he had said he wanted to make a child with you, that was clearly just a small part of what he was after. Soft sighs and loving caresses were paired with the soft rolling of his hips into yours. 

Each slow pass of his cock through your walls stroked the low fire inside you. You held onto your husband, hands roaming over his strong back, nails scratching at his scalp. You gasped his name, back arching as he stroked your sensitive walls. 

Your orgasm came with a whimper and soft sighs as your walls fluttered around him. He moaned your name as his cock twitched inside you, succumbing to the waves of your orgasm, allowing your body to milk him of his seed. 

Even as his breathing slowed and your orgasms faded into pleasurable aftershocks, he held you tightly to him. He took you with him as he rolled to his back, tucking you into his side as his softening cock slipped from your body. 

“Alastor?” you asked, tracing shapes you couldn’t see on the muscles of his chest while his seed leaked from your opening, still twitching with the pleasure. 

“Yes, my love?” His voice was soft in the dark. 

“Why did you change your mind?” You were terrified to look up at him, to somehow see something that would break your heart in the darkness. 

“I- Its stupid and unimportant.” 

“It’s important to me,” you leaned forward, kissing his chest softly. “Even when you’re stupid, it’s important to me.” 

He huffed, an indignant sound at your playful insult. You were one of the few people to get to see him raw, unpolished. You saw him stumbling through the house, looking for the glasses perched atop his head. It was you that saved him from putting salt in the coffee he was making for you, nearly asleep on his feet but refusing to sleep in. 

“If- Maybe, somehow, if we fell pregnant, she’d stay,” alastor whispered. “Maybe, if there was a grandchild coming, she won’t go.” 

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[clueless-fan-critic]

Why Helluva Boss Surpasses Hazbin Hotel In the Best Way Possible

The Helluva Boss Christmas episode dropped and I caught up with Season 2. I love this show so much for so many reasons. But that doesn't diminish Hazbin Hotel in any way at all. In fact, because of the show, it gives us a much deeper appreciation for what Helluva Boss is doing. I mean Hazbin Hotel was cool on Prime, but I want to talk about why Helluva Boss is the "Shrek 2" of the R-Rated animated musical series by a YouTube Animator. And that's a weird mouthful.

Getting Better with No Reward

Helluva Boss makes pretty clear that the "evil" demons of Hell are basically regular people with problems. Whether a majority of demons are born in Hell or damned souls, it's clear that they grow up from children to teens to adults. They have jobs, families, homes, and all the mundane things in our lives. And do in fact die. Possibly? That part is vague in whether they just get erased from existence or reincarnate Chainsaw Man style. But with those in mind, what would exactly be the point of being a "good" or "bad" person?

Throughout the series, many of the demons have some moral code, ethics, empathy, or rationale that sets them apart from the more chaotic and stereotypical demons. What I saw with a lot of characters is they willingly try and change for the better, all without Charlie Morningstar or the promise of Heaven, but redemption. This is especially in the case of Blitzø with a silent O.

Blitzø is one of the more unhinged characters you would see as a demon: immoral, selfish, hedonistic, all those demony things. But we, the audience, get to see his life, his failures, and his pain and how it shaped him. While it doesn't excuse his actions, it does make us understand. Once realizing these feelings, Blitzø tries to confront the consequences of his actions, with some trial and failure. Reconciling with his twin sister Barby: failed. Apologizing to his exes: failed. Talking with Fizzoralli: okay but still some scars, literal and figurative.

In fact, both Blitzø and Charlie share one major quality: attempting to change the status quo of Hell. But Blitzø wants to be seen more than a lackey to other higher demons while Charlie wants to prove people can change for the better. While Charlie's reason is more rooted in selflessness and hope, Blitzø's feels more human and genuine. From what I could see from the show so far, Hell is getting a whole lot bigger in what it can offer.

What's The Big Difference?

Helluva Boss is a more grounded and relatable show than the epic musical of Hazbin Hotel. The show allows for a lot of worldbuilding moments with the different rings of Hell along with their functions and associated demons. We're introduced to imps at the bottom of the demon hierarchy, demon royalty through Stolas and the Goetia royals, and six of the Seven Deadly Sins.

It seems the Seven Deadly Sins hold the most authority compared to the Overlords. It might be that the Overlords are more rich people like CEOs, industrialists, and entertainers while the Sins are like government officials, both holding power and influence but in different areas of life.

Whenever Hell is used in a show, it's represented in a myriad of ways ranging from classic burning pits to existential or nihilistic despair. It does make it clear that Hell is more a dark reflection of life on Earth, but more dirty, vibrant, and chaotic nonetheless. Even the Earth depicted in the show isn't really different aside from the whole demonic powers and magic stuff.

What Makes it More Interesting than its Predecessor?

Helluva Boss uses episodes as vehicles for their characters. Basically, getting to know who we're watching, why they're important, how they are as people, and so on. It doesn't have an overarching story that builds to a final battle. They're just chilling with exploring characters and their impact to others and the present stories in different episodes. Although there are interconnecting plots and stories, the show is mostly episodic.

Its strongest element include the characters, its main cast, supporting, and even one-off jokes, they all leave impressions on anyone who sees them. Millie is given more exploration in later episodes with why she always put up with Blitzø and believes in their business despite his total incompetence and hangups. You think Millie is just this bubbly tank, but shows a much more vulnerable side who wants to be seen more than her "intended role."

Stolas is another character is breaks the mold of his role. With disastrous results for everyone he cares for. Stolas is the love interest of Blitzø who aids IMP with his magic. He slowly breaks out from being a prince into someone else he hasn't found yet. We see his royal comfort implode in the Sinsmas finale, he loses his status, power, and even his daughter because of a perceived fantasy or escape that would free him. But, like a lot of caged birds, he doesn't fare so well in the real world. Now left with truly nothing but the very person he made his "sacrifice" for. Even uncertain of that as well.

But, the songs from both shows are incredible!!!!

My favorites include Loser, Baby performed by veteran Keith David and newcomer Blake Roman and U 2 Me performed in "Apology Tour" by Bryce Pinkham. Both those songs really connect with me while conveying character moments. The songs in Helluva Boss develop and explore character like a musical would use them for those big "Declaration of Something" anthem. Defying Gravity, We Don't Talk About Bruno, even Cell Block Tango, all are songs that explore one's mindset, opinions, and personal struggles.

Why Should I Watch...?

The Characters, the plots, the songs, the animation, so much F^$King things to admire and love that I can't... I just... 😣 😩 ... I don't know.

Just Watch It and See for Yourself!!!

[joudama]

And that’s that for Veilguard. Got all the achievements and got the four main possible endings (didn’t bother with the bad ending where you do none of the side quests, everyone dies, and you end up trapped in the Fade forever with Solas).

My four Rooks:

Female Shadow Dragon elf mage - saved Minrathous - romanced Harding - punched Solas in the face

Female Antivan Crow human rogue - saved Treviso - romanced Lucanis - tricked Solas into using the fake dagger

Male Grey Warden dwarf warrior (this was originally going be a Qunari, but I couldn’t get over the yassified look of all the qunari I tried to make and I gave up) - saved Treviso - romanced Davrin (meant to romance Bellara and lol welp, that didn’t happen) - big softie who sent Solas into the Fade with the Inquisitor

Male Mourn Watch elf mage - saved Minrathous - romanced Emmrich (meant to romance Bellara or Neve and lol welp, that didn’t happen) - told the Inquisitor she could do better and made Solas go off into the Fade alone.

My Mourn Watch one is probably going to be my “canon” run, since I liked it the best (that’s not saying much) of my runs. I went with a life leeching run for him, including using the unique items that made health potions/companion heals not work, and beefed up leeching. Literally the only time I died was when my controller ran out of juice in the middle of a dragon fight. The Elgar’nan fight was over so fast I was like, “Wait, is that it?” It was like the curb stomp fight in Inquisition with Corypheus before they let you have enemies scale up with you.

And now for my thoughts. And oh boy, do I have a lot of them. Hoo.

I have…so many issues with this game. It is a very good…whatever the gaming equivalent of a popcorn flick is. It’s great if you go in with your brain turned off and enjoy all the shiny. But that’s not what I want in a Dragon Age game. I’ve been replaying DA2 - the game that DATV is basically trying to channel - while playing these, and the difference in writing quality and intricacy of plot and world building could not be more sharp. The first time I played DATV, I thought it was fine. Almost aggressively fine. I had fun with streaming the game and seeing where it went. I loved the reveals with the wolf statues. I had some major issues with the writing being as subtle as a brick to the face at times (more on my thoughts about the dialogue LATER, because oh boy), but it was serviceable. And I genuinely thought Veilguard had been robbed by not being nominated for Art Direction at the Game Awards, because say what you will, the areas are fucking gorgeous. But, even then, I was like, “Yeah, this would not have deserved a GOTY nomination had it gotten one,” and placed it at a 7 or 8 out of 10. A good enough, enjoyable game that ran well, but was not by any means GOTY material.

Then I made the mistake of playing it again, and the cracks began to show. By the time I hit the middle of Act 2 of my third run, I was just so done. I hated every time certain companions had anything to say at all. I hated that you couldn’t call people out for being a jerk but had to be the supportive nursery school teacher at all times to them. And for the first time playing any BioWare game at all, I found myself wishing I could either not recruit certain people or kick them out of camp. The cracks were beyond showing at that point, and I no longer thought the writing was even “serviceable.” Things that hadn’t seemed so bad on that first popcorn flick run suddenly became a problem - not being able to actually talk to your companions to get to know them went from “it feels more natural to have them saying this stuff while out in the field” to “what is even the point of going around the Lighthouse if all it gets me is a line spoken at me or overhearing bits of them having ACTUAL conversations?” It legitimately hurt replayability. I missed being able to actually talk to my companions, and I realized I cared more about Manfred and Assan than most of my companions because Manfred and Assan actually seemed to like interacting with me. I will take Manfred’s rock-paper-scissors game over a “hey Rook” and dead-eyed stare.

By the time I hit late act 2, I couldn’t wait for it to be over so I could delete the damn game off my hard drive…only for the last achievement I had yet to get to NOT pop when I finished the game. I looked it up and discovered it wasn’t set by triggering a certain end state, but was tied to picking some flowers in Act 2, and wanted to cry. I don’t usually 100% games, especially if I feel like some of the achievements are bullshit I don’t want to do (‘sup, MELE needing you to do some Armax Arena Spectre-level fight - I would sooner chew off my own arm than do that, as anyone who watched me stream Veilguard would have guessed watching me kvetching the whole time I was doing that Hall of Valor shit), but that was just frustrating. I decided to try to get it on a fresh run as a Mourn Watcher, since I’d heard that was one of the surprisingly good faction backgrounds, and that was a good choice. Mourn Watch became my favorite faction, when it had been Shadow Dragons until then. It added so much to a lot more conversations than I would have thought, and made it so I actually enjoyed the sadly few times you get to actually have conversations instead of eavesdropping/being talked at. I’m glad I decided to slog through one more time for that achievement, because if I’d ended it on that third run, I know I would have never played it again. It turned back into a popcorn movie again, aided by me knowing when to put on a YouTube video and watch or scroll through Bluesky instead of listening to a certain character be the fucking worst. If I ever play again, it’ll be a Mourn Watcher (I already know the Veil Jumpers and Lords of Fortune are considered, shall we say, lackluster background factions.)

Which brings me to some of the big, fundamental problems this game had.

This is not a CRPG. It’s just not. It’s an action RPG now, with the focus on “action” not “RPG.” It’s part of the whole Mass Effect-ification of Dragon Age. And I say this as a huge Mass Effect fan:

Dragon Age should not be like Mass Effect. And vice versa.

When Andromeda came out, they decided to ditch the Paragon/Renegade system, and instead went for DAI-style emotion-based options. Which seems great! More speech choices to make a more nuanced Ryder instead of picking up or down! Great! Only no! A lot of people hated it because it didn’t feel like Mass Effect. They had taken away something that had seemed like a major part of how you roll played in the series, and replaced it something very different. It was the first time they took a mechanic from one game and ported it into another, and it didn’t really go over well with a lot of ME fans because it didn’t feel like a Mass Effect mechanic.

And now with Veilguard, they basically made a Mass Effect game with a Dragon Age skin on it. And it just doesn’t work.

Combat: They copied the combat wheel from Mass Effect, but did it kind of badly. I honestly hated it because I tried to play like I do in Mass Effect - pull it up, use it to look around and get a handle on my environment, then pick an enemy or a safe space to bolt to - and the camera snapping the enemies meant I couldn’t. It drove me crazy because it was like the Mass Effect wheel but fundamentally not, and the camera drove me mad because I’d pull it up trying to find where the nearest blight boil was, and it would snap on enemies instead of just letting me look. It’s like they wanted to get rid of every little bit of tactical game play and replace with smashy smashy bang bang instead. Don’t think, don’t plan, just attack…which fits in with the popcorn flick-ness of DATV. Don’t think, just do. Turn your brain off and look at the particle effects.

Another Mass Effect-ification with regards to combat is dropping from taking 3 companions to 2. Which you need to do to have that Mass Effect style combat wheel, and the Mass Effect 3/Andromeda style primer/detonation style interaction of companion powers. It was very satisfying, but not very Dragon Age-y, and requires throwing out some of that DA lore to make it work, because now everyone uses magic-based abilities even if they aren’t mages. Assan attacks deal fire damage. You can spec a warrior who calls up a giant lightning hammer to twirl around, and…how? That’s not enchantment, that’s plain ol’ magic, and how?! Warriors didn’t deal magic-based attacks uncles their weapons where enchanted before, but now, everyone is just tossing magic attacks at everything. That’s not how the world of Thedas has worked until now, but you can’t have those flashy explosions or particle effects otherwise, so shhh, turn off your brain and don’t think, shhh. Look at the screen light up and the pretty lights. It worked in Mass Effect because they had already set up tech and biotic attacks, but there’s no way to make hitting something hard with a sword cause it to blow up and damage all the other baddies around them, so now everyone has magic. OK.

As an aside, it was also a really bad idea of get rid of how aggro worked. Dragon Age had always worked by warriors drawing aggro because they had the heavier armor (or could use taunt on enemies targeting squishy mages or rogues). Rogues had lower aggro because they had lighter armor, and could sneak. Mages had even lower aggro because they had the lightest armor and were distance fighters. DATV threw that out the window, and Rook draws all aggro because they are the only ones with a health bar. Your squad is immortal in fights, which means there’s no reason for enemies to ever target them. Which means god help you early game when mages and rogues have no real skills yet. Enjoy dodging while your companions hit the enemies with what seems like attacks as powerful as spitballs. It also means that there are times what the game tells you and the fight you just seem are completely at odds. Remember that fight with the Wrath of the Stone in Harding’s companion quest? That thing is on your ass the entire time, but then at the end of it, Rook says something along the lines of “It really hates Harding,” and…are you gaslighting me, game? That thing ignored Harding the whole damn time in favor of trying to stomp me like a cockroach. Harding did not exist to it during my fight. It had a hate boner for Rook and Rook alone, no matter what the game tried to insist on after.

Now, imagine how that would have felt if Harding actually could have been killed/knocked out during the fight, and it was only going after her? What if you couldn’t damage it if it took her down, so you had to make sure she stayed alive? Imagine how different that fight would have hit then? But no, that would mean the devs have to think about how to rez characters and how healing would work, and would mean players have to be tactical, and shh, no, no more of that, no thinking, just dodge and hit things and look at the particle effects. Shh. Have some more popcorn.

Story: DATV wants so badly to be ME2. It wants to recall the big suicide mission where you have to have everyone ready or you’ll all die. But you can’t copy what you did before and get the same flowers and results. You just can’t. You can try, and all you’ll get is diminishing returns. They tried to do the big cosmic horror of ME1, complete with a Virmire choice, then have the big final stakes of ME2, and no. You can’t follow a template and get the same greatness. That’s not how it works.

And speaking of following templates…

Romances: The romances in Veilguard are just dismal. And I think it’s because they decided to follow the Mass Effect pacing formula instead of the Dragon Age one.

Dragon Age: You start flirting in Act 1. You usually flirt with everyone because hey, why not? Some time in Act 2, things start getting serious, and you have to settle on who you want to go for. Things start to get serious, you get together, and then you get happy fun adult time with your new LI. You get the option to break it off or commit to them fully. By Act 3, you’re in a committed relationship. People comment about it. You can go to them and spend time with them - nothing major, maybe just a kiss. There might also be a special scene that’s just with them and unique to the romance. And by the end, after the lengthy amount of time that’s passed, you are Together.

Mass Effect: You start flirting in Act 1. You usually flirt with everyone because hey, why not? In Act 2, you keep on flirting with everyone. By the end, you might have to make a choice if you’re flirting too hard with everyone and the two LI options tell you to pick someone already, but you’re just picking who you’re interested in. Early in Act 3, there might be an almost kiss, but it’s mostly just the occasional anticipation of eventually boning and nothing really happens until right before the final big fight, when your LI shows up to your cabin for “oh shit, we might die in a few hours, so let’s go out with a high note” happy fun adult time. The only time you get that “committed relationship” vibes is in ME3 if you’re romanced the same character for at least one other game, and you choose to continue the relationship.

The Mass Effect pacing works in the Mass Effect trilogy because each game is only 20-40 hours long. Veilguard is a good 80 hours long. That means using that same amount of romance you use in ME is going to mean you’ve got too little butter to spread over too much bread. It’s why you have a good start for the romances in Act 1, then act 2 is a such a desert of nothing after you commit that I genuinely wondered if I’d hit the wrong option at said no at several points during the very long third act. There’s not just enough content for that long of an Act 2. Near the end everyone starts commenting on you being with them, but it’s not actually happening in the game. There’s no flirting, there are no extra scenes, and even the scene when you commit to them is based on a scene that happens with everyone, just with a romance option tacked on. The only person (of the ones I romanced, so I can’t speak to the others) who really get unique scenes was Emmerich. He actually takes you out on a unique date. It helped a lot to make Emmerich’s romance feel more fleshed out than the others. And Davrin had so many little jaunts out in the woods that those turned into romantic trips out, which added a lot to his. But Lucanis’ and Hardings? With both of them, like I said before, I genuinely wondered if I had accidentally opted out. Their romances most used the Mass Effect format, and it just doesn’t work for a game this long. BioWare knew that once, long ago, because Andromeda did not use the ME trilogy format for romances and was closer to one they used in DA. But DATV is trying to be ME2, so they used ME2’s very thin romances as a guide.

And we can all see how well that turned out.

The Executors: Fuck me, they feel like Cerberus reskinned, and I absolutely hated when Mass Effect shifted from sci-fi/Lovecraftian horror to space opera with Cerberus as the main bad guys you have to fight with the Reapers functionally falling to the background. The Executors are a secret, shadowy organization pulling strings from behind the scenes like the Shadow Broker codexes in ME2 retconned Cerberus into having been doing in ME. Ugh.

The Andromeda-ification of dialogue: Remember Peebee? Remember how she talked? Give her long hair and pointy ears, and she’s Bellara. Down even to the techno-babble. It’s like they’re trying to change magic to just “sufficiently advanced technology.” Everyone speaks in that modern, quippy style that was annoying in a game set hundreds of years in the future because it felt dated by the time the game came out (Ryder makes a Frozen joke, y’all). And it feels completely out of place in a game set in an early modern setting (I don’t think DA is medieval, honestly - it’s more a pre-industrialization/early scientific revoltution setting, so more 1500-1700s, and I’m gonna stop now). It was jarring. You can only let one quirky character break the rules about how people talk (Alistair in DAO, Varric in DA2, Cole in DAI) but when everyone does, it’s jarring. You can be anachronistic, but you have to know what you’re doing and how to do it when you do, and I’m sorry, but the current crop of BioWare writers don’t. They wrote the dialogue like it was a modern day YA novel, not a Dragon Age game. It would have been fine for a modern day urban fantasy game. It was not fine for a DA game set in the same time period as people using the four humours for “modern” medicine (remember the surgeon in DAI? Talked about the four humours? Yeah.)

OK, I did not intend to go on for this long, and I haven’t even gotten to what the game did to how religion is handled or the sociopolitical aspects of Thedas, and how they threw out so much that made Dragon Age unique in their urge to do a soft reboot, so I’m just going to end it here. I wanted to love this game, and I can only do that if I turn my brain off, and that’s not what Dragon Age should be.

[aklaustaleteller]

Christmas Eve

It's their third date, and Y/n still hasn't gotten used to his angelic face. And it seems like, Klaus feels the same.

Warnings: Genuinely none! Just some tooth-rotting fluff :)

Word Count: 1.0k

Masterlist | Please reblog the work to share!

Hii! It's been a very, very long time since we've shared some quality time over a fic! And hey, this one isn't any good, so don't get your hopes up. I just really wanted to post a little something for Christmas, since I've been so terrible with posting lately. Hope this bad treat makes up anyways. <3

The fireplace was crackling, slight flickers of the fire reaching up towards the great sky. Y/n was sitting on the carpeted floor a couple small steps away, eyes squinted as she tried to read as best as she could in the dim lighting.

As she took a deep breath, the smell of her scented candle made her savour the moment for a second. With her eyes closed, she smelt the pine trees. Then slowly, the smell of the first snow drifted in, along with that of the biscuits her mother had baked earlier in the morning. 

And then, she heard a woof. It was her pet dog, Milo, running around wildly in the deep snow, his face upwards and tongue hanging out as if he was trying to catch the flakes. “Milo!” She called out to him when her father called out to her to come back inside. 

Cold was all she felt when Milo jumped on her, licking her face eagerly as she chortled at the same time while trying to tackle the little gremlin away from her.

Click! She heard, and looked over just in time to catch her father checking out the photo he had just captured.

When she opened her eyes now, there was a sheen layer of tears pooling on the bottom lash line. She sniffled, and let the tears slip with a smile on her face. 

This was the first ever Christmas that she was spending without her family. Even when she’d been abroad for university, she’d been on facetime with them for more than half of the day. 

But her parents were snowstormed-in back in Antarctica, stuck in the home without any electricity. Y/n wasn’t too worried since it was nothing new – just a little too early on the door this season. 

Although it was when her eyes drifted towards the clock that Y/n panicked. Scrambling, she got off the floor and ran to her room to change into the outfit she had picked out earlier in the noon. 

Klaus was going to come anytime now, and she’d hate to open the door only for him to see her still wrapped in her blanket. 

She slipped on a summer t-shirt, then a full sleeve tee over it. Then she put on a turtle neck, and over it she put on a sweater. Underneath, she wore a pair of blue jeans. 

And she had just opened the bathroom door when the doorbell rang. Cursing, she raced out of her room, took two deep breaths before opening the door. 

The smile on her face dropped, and everything went still. Only the soft curls on his head were dancing in the wind outside, everything else was completely frozen. Even his smile, and his dimples.

Jerking, she opened the door wider while looking at the floor in embarrassment. “I’m so sorry,” she whispered, turning back around only to forget everything once again as he stood two steps away from her, his hands in his coat-pockets.

This was their third date, and still, she hadn’t grown used to his angelic face.

“You look very handsome,” she stated truly, looking him in the eyes. He doubled over, chuckling like suddenly shy.

“I’m not joking!” She exclaimed, moving around him to walk to her room. 

“Thank you,” he hardly said through his big smile.

She turned to check whether he was following her or not, and that was when she caught a bright colour spread across his cheeks – whether it was pink or red, she couldn’t quite decipher in the dim lighting. But what she could tell was that she wanted to see it again, and again, and again; and memorise that shade as her favourite.  

Klaus cleared his throat. “You look… not prepared, but flawless nonetheless,” he shrugged. 

“Oh, thank you,” she smiled sweetly, urging him to sit on her bed as she opened the bathroom door. 

She left the door open as she stood right there at the entryway, in front of the mirror. 

"Happy Christmas Eve, by the way," she spoke as she applied her lip liner. “I’ll just take five more minutes,” she followed up quickly, meekly.

“Happy Christmas Eve, Y/n," she could just hear the smile in his voice but still she stole a glance at him to make sure -- and he truly was. "And take your time! I was just about to say that your smile is rather lovely.”

“And so you’ve told me, a hundred times, actually.” Y/n turned to look at him with a grin on her face, putting an earring in one ear.

“And again, thank you,” she whispered. Then, putting in the other earring, she looked at him while he studied her room. 

“You read …a lot, it seems,” he noticed out loud, eyes set on the pile of books stacked in the corner of her room. And on her desk, and bedside table. 

“Do you enjoy reading?” She asked him quite distantly, making him frown. 

When Klaus shifted his focus, he noticed her struggling with the clasp of her necklace. “Oh absolutely, but poetry more than novels,” he answered her, walking over in long strides. 

Her fingers immediately shied away from his cold ones when they brushed, and the silence made her breathing feel more erratic than it truly was – or so she hoped that she didn’t sound as embarrassing as she thought. 

When he was done, his hand brushed against the curve of her back. He walked backwards, still looking at her in the mirror as she tried to hide her furious blush by looking for her lipstick. 

She twisted her hair into a bun, clutched it and looked at her face closely in the mirror. Klaus was looking outside the window under which she had placed her desk when she came back outside wearing her long coat. 

Clearly, he noticed her reflection in the glass because he turned around with a smile on his face. 

She was wrapping a maroon scarf around her neck when he said quietly, “you finished up nice,” while nodding. 

Y/n took a quick bow, making him chuckle. 

“Let us leave, then,” she suggested, holding her purse in the crook of her elbow. 

As they walked outside, she heard him blow out the scented-candle and looked at him gratefully in return – to which, he simply nodded with a dimpled smile – just enough to make her feel like something was glowing inside her chest.

[elyssaarts]

Literally haven't posted in years so here's a picture of some folks from Arcane and a single one of Anya because I wanted to see what all the fuss was about. The first two were without reference just for funsies. Sketches done with ancient dried out Stabilos (Jinx, Anya, and Vi are only Stabilo), color with ohuhu alcohol markers, black is acryla gouache. The graffiti is done with Gelly Roll Moonlights, shout-out to the orange one who decided he'd never been used and never would be.

Some things I learned from this one:

* Daniel Smith Watercolor Ground can protect crappy paper from alcohol markers and make a somewhat toothy, impermeable surface that's excellent for blending. It does take 24-48 to dry completely. It WILL smudge water based media underneath. Not as bad if you swipe it on really fast (not recommended)

*Sakura has been saying for years that you just need to scribble with a jelly roll to fix it. I decided I wasn't giving it my all the previous times I'd tried, and used a full sized sketchbook page scribbling as hard as I could to get ink out. I also tried water, alcohol, and wd-40 to get the ink to flow. It did not. This was the last set of Gelly rolls I bought probably more than five years ago. I was angry because 2 of the pens I bought did not work when I bought them. They still don't work. I'm frustrated because they either work flawlessly and beautifully, or literally not at all.

* I already knew this one from previous mistakes but do NOT layer Gelly Roll over water based media (including regular gouache) unless you're ok with the colors possibly blending. They probably will. Hence, acryla gouache.

* I did something different for each portrait, so each one has some positives and negatives for me. My favorite in terms of quality is Ekko, which was done with an off-white colored pencil for the sketch. I think that worked best.

*Caitlyn's is a little disappointing to me because the lead-pencil shading looks like a five o'clock shadow. Good to remember for future.

*just fyi there's a bunch of other sketches that got covered up. You can see a bit of dog snoot up/right of Ekko. Just thought it was a fun little thing.

[showerthoughtsofagoldengoose]

Revolutionary Girl Utena is still fresh on the mind and I’m trying to figure out the Nanami lays an egg episode. I think I get it a little.

Nanami laying an egg is a second instance of her femininity causing her to be equated to being like a farm animal, in this case a chicken rather than a cow. Another connection this episode has to the previous animal one is that it shows us her obsession with how she’s being perceived, however the animalistic quality (laying an egg) is a source of shame rather than a misguided source of pride (the cowbell).

The egg represents a lot of things.

first is the most literal interpretation- hormones kicking in. Eggs come from (I hate the way I’m phrasing this) something fertile. Fertility comes from hormones. So we could interpret this as a symbol mixing together several factors- “fertility” (your period?) and sexuality.

The part about sexuality mainly comes from a one off joke where Nanami asks her brother if he prefers boys or girls without realizing how that question sounds, and when she tells him she prefers girls he gets angry with her and spouts some homophobic bs at her, while she was most likely referring to the egg, whether the baby in it was a boy or a girl. This conversation feels very real, and makes me think the egg may represent latency.

Nanami knows there’s something “wrong” with her and when she tries to address it around her brother, he gets angry with her and she abandons (represses?) this aspect of herself only to come running back to it.

she loves her egg. That’s the thing. She takes good care of it and is happy to be around it. She always has. But she’s ashamed of the fact that it came from her. Laying eggs is not something a girl normally does, at least she doesn’t think so. She could have simply had her first period but I think it’s more than just that- like her burgeoning sexuality. While it is a part of her identity it’s something she feels the need to repress. When it is seen, potentially used by someone she doesn’t want (Sayonji, the three weird guys with glasses who idek what their deal is yet lmao) she is upset.

I think the egg being broken when she wakes up is a representation of some kind of hopelessness. As if she can’t accept herself in the end for that aspect of herself, all because of the pressures surrounding her and breaks down in the end.

I think it’s important to mention how eggs are mentioned frequently in the show- what with the world’s end chick in the egg speech we get in every single episode. Latency. I think it refers to latency.

and with the act of laying an egg, being forced to confront this latency, wanting it to be released but unable to truly act on it despite how valuable it is??

I feel like while the lesbian reading is pertinent given how oddly specific the homophobia scene is, like all things utena, lesbianism isn’t all there is to it. I also mentioned maturity, growing up, hormones, fertility, some implicitly mentioned, others explicit.

It will take a lot to break down this show and staring off with this episode, this strange strange ep? Maybe not the best idea! My head hurts lol.

idk why but I always found the nanami episodes to be kind of raw and emotional despite their surreal comedy. She’s obsessed with how others see her, relies on one other person extremely heavily for affection, someone she looks up to in a way that almost seems kind of immoral (incest), and is this oddly sensitive person despite her melodrama and over the top oujo sama personality.

I think it’s worth noting that she lacks much of a support system. Her closest friends are fake, when she is traumatized she tells no one about it and carries the burden of knowing that alone. Her concept of one person she thinks truly loves her is also later challenged. I wouldn’t even call her and the little boy close. Nanami is interesting in that she does have social leverage and fits the popular bitch stereotype/archetype but I would consider her lonely in that lack of having support. Thus her anxieties are worsened, her shame about herself is worsened. This and her immaturity and naiivete. She truly doesn’t understand how a lot of things work, and this is because she wasn’t taught them.

[soulspark]

Atsuko Nakajima

[rayllurn]

"So this is it. The Frozen Sea. Seems like they named it about right."

[astarionposting]

Tsu’tey <3

[gu6chan]

ITS THE SUMMER OF CAIONARD U GUYS.....

ofc they're always open but especially now if anyone has any requests or things to say my eyes and ears are LISTENING 👁️👁️

[bookishdiplodocus]

The Neurodivergent Writer’s Guide to Fun and Productivity

(Even when life beats you down)

Look, I’m a mom, I have ADHD, I’m a spoonie. To say that I don’t have heaps of energy to spare and I struggle with consistency is an understatement. For years, I tried to write consistently, but I couldn’t manage to keep up with habits I built and deadlines I set.

So fuck neurodivergent guides on building habits, fuck “eat the frog first”, fuck “it’s all in the grind”, and fuck “you just need time management”—here is how I manage to write often and a lot.

Focus on having fun, not on the outcome

This was the groundwork I had to lay before I could even start my streak. At an online writing conference, someone said: “If you push yourself and meet your goals, and you publish your book, but you haven’t enjoyed the process… What’s the point?” and hoo boy, that question hit me like a truck.

I was so caught up in the narrative of “You’ve got to show up for what’s important” and “Push through if you really want to get it done”. For a few years, I used to read all these productivity books about grinding your way to success, and along the way I started using the same language as they did. And I notice a lot of you do so, too.

But your brain doesn’t like to grind. No-one’s brain does, and especially no neurodivergent brain. If having to write gives you stress or if you put pressure on yourself for not writing (enough), your brain’s going to say: “Huh. Writing gives us stress, we’re going to try to avoid it in the future.”

So before I could even try to write regularly, I needed to teach my brain once again that writing is fun. I switched from countable goals like words or time to non-countable goals like “fun” and “flow”.

Rewire my brain: writing is fun and I’m good at it

I used everything I knew about neuroscience, psychology, and social sciences. These are some of the things I did before and during a writing session. Usually not all at once, and after a while I didn’t need these strategies anymore, although I sometimes go back to them when necessary.

I journalled all the negative thoughts I had around writing and try to reason them away, using arguments I knew in my heart were true. (The last part is the crux.) Imagine being supportive to a writer friend with crippling insecurities, only the friend is you.

Not setting any goals didn’t work for me—I still nurtured unwanted expectations. So I did set goals, but made them non-countable, like “have fun”, “get in the flow”, or “write”. Did I write? Yes. Success! Your brain doesn’t actually care about how high the goal is, it cares about meeting whatever goal you set.

I didn’t even track how many words I wrote. Not relevant.

I set an alarm for a short time (like 10 minutes) and forbade myself to exceed that time. The idea was that if I write until I run out of mojo, my brain learns that writing drains the mojo. If I write for 10 minutes and have fun, my brain learns that writing is fun and wants to do it again.

Reinforce the fact that writing makes you happy by rewarding your brain immediately afterwards. You know what works best for you: a walk, a golden sticker, chocolate, cuddle your dog, whatever makes you happy.

I conditioned myself to associate writing with specific stimuli: that album, that smell, that tea, that place. Any stimulus can work, so pick one you like. I consciously chose several stimuli so I could switch them up, and the conditioning stays active as long as I don’t muddle it with other associations.

Use a ritual to signal to your brain that Writing Time is about to begin to get into the zone easier and faster. I guess this is a kind of conditioning as well? Meditation, music, lighting a candle… Pick your stimulus and stick with it.

Specifically for rewiring my brain, I started a new WIP that had no emotional connotations attached to it, nor any pressure to get finished or, heaven forbid, meet quality norms. I don’t think these techniques above would have worked as well if I had applied them on writing my novel.

It wasn’t until I could confidently say I enjoyed writing again, that I could start building up a consistent habit. No more pushing myself.

I lowered my definition for success

When I say that nowadays I write every day, that’s literally it. I don’t set out to write 1,000 or 500 or 10 words every day (tried it, failed to keep up with it every time)—the only marker for success when it comes to my streak is to write at least one word, even on the days when my brain goes “naaahhh”. On those days, it suffices to send myself a text with a few keywords or a snippet. It’s not “success on a technicality (derogatory)”, because most of those snippets and ideas get used in actual stories later. And if they don’t, they don’t. It’s still writing. No writing is ever wasted.

A side note on high expectations, imposter syndrome, and perfectionism

Obviously, “Setting a ridiculously low goal” isn’t something I invented. I actually got it from those productivity books, only I never got it to work. I used to tell myself: “It’s okay if I don’t write for an hour, because my goal is to write for 20 minutes and if I happen to keep going for, say, an hour, that’s a bonus.” Right? So I set the goal for 20 minutes, wrote for 35 minutes, and instead of feeling like I exceeded my goal, I felt disappointed because apparently I was still hoping for the bonus scenario to happen. I didn’t know how to set a goal so low and believe it.

I think the trick to making it work this time lies more in the groundwork of training my brain to enjoy writing again than in the fact that my daily goal is ridiculously low. I believe I’m a writer, because I prove it to myself every day. Every success I hit reinforces the idea that I’m a writer. It’s an extra ward against imposter syndrome.

Knowing that I can still come up with a few lines of dialogue on the Really Bad Days—days when I struggle to brush my teeth, the day when I had a panic attack in the supermarket, or the day my kid got hit by a car—teaches me that I can write on the mere Bad-ish Days.

The more I do it, the more I do it

The irony is that setting a ridiculously low goal almost immediately led to writing more and more often. The most difficult step is to start a new habit. After just a few weeks, I noticed that I needed less time and energy to get into the zone. I no longer needed all the strategies I listed above.

Another perk I noticed, was an increased writing speed. After just a few months of writing every day, my average speed went from 600 words per hour to 1,500 wph, regularly exceeding 2,000 wph without any loss of quality.

Talking about quality: I could see myself becoming a better writer with every passing month. Writing better dialogue, interiority, chemistry, humour, descriptions, whatever: they all improved noticeably, and I wasn’t a bad writer to begin with.

The increased speed means I get more done with the same amount of energy spent. I used to write around 2,000-5,000 words per month, some months none at all. Nowadays I effortlessly write 30,000 words per month. I didn’t set out to write more, it’s just a nice perk.

Look, I’m not saying you should write every day if it doesn’t work for you. My point is: the more often you write, the easier it will be.

No pressure

Yes, I’m still working on my novel, but I’m not racing through it. I produce two or three chapters per month, and the rest of my time goes to short stories my brain keeps projecting on the inside of my eyelids when I’m trying to sleep. I might as well write them down, right?

These short stories started out as self-indulgence, and even now that I take them more seriously, they are still just for me. I don’t intend to ever publish them, no-one will ever read them, they can suck if they suck. The unintended consequence was that my short stories are some of my best writing, because there’s no pressure, it’s pure fun.

Does it make sense to spend, say, 90% of my output on stories no-one else will ever read? Wouldn’t it be better to spend all that creative energy and time on my novel? Well, yes. If you find the magic trick, let me know, because I haven’t found it yet. The short stories don’t cannibalize on the novel, because they require different mindsets. If I stopped writing the short stories, I wouldn’t produce more chapters. (I tried. Maybe in the future? Fingers crossed.)

Don’t wait for inspiration to hit

There’s a quote by Picasso: “Inspiration hits, but it has to find you working.” I strongly agree. Writing is not some mystical, muse-y gift, it’s a skill and inspiration does exist, but usually it’s brought on by doing the work. So just get started and inspiration will come to you.

Accountability and community

Having social factors in your toolbox is invaluable. I have an offline writing friend I take long walks with, I host a monthly writing club on Discord, and I have another group on Discord that holds me accountable every day. They all motivate me in different ways and it’s such a nice thing to share my successes with people who truly understand how hard it can be.

The productivity books taught me that if you want to make a big change in your life or attitude, surrounding yourself with people who already embody your ideal or your goal huuuugely helps. The fact that I have these productive people around me who also prioritize writing, makes it easier for me to stick to my own priorities.

Your toolbox

The idea is to have several techniques at your disposal to help you stay consistent. Don’t put all your eggs in one basket by focussing on just one technique. Keep all of them close, and if one stops working or doesn’t inspire you today, pivot and pick another one.

After a while, most “tools” run in the background once they are established. Things like surrounding myself with my writing friends, keeping up with my daily streak, and listening to the album I conditioned myself with don’t require any energy, and they still remain hugely beneficial.

Do you have any other techniques? I’d love to hear about them!

I hope this was useful. Happy writing!

[d-emeter]

Types of lingerie they'd go a little feral over — plus-size!fem!reader x cod characters

Includes: Price, Soap, Ghost, Gaz, König, Graves, Alejandro, Rudy, Valeria

CW: mid/plus-size reader, photos of people wearing lingerie!, mentions of sex/sexual activities

Photos are not indicative of reader's body type/skin colour/other physical attributes! Just meant to be examples, but us bigger girls deserve some rep on here (but also why is it so hard to find cute pics of mid/plus-size girlies that aren't ads or extremely edited?)

All rights go to owners of the photos! I tried to crop out their faces as best I could <3

John Price

Price would love anything feminine. He adores when you play into his housewife kink, parading around the house in babydoll dresses and fur-lined robes (preferably sheer). He wouldn't even bother with taking the pieces off once he gets his hands on you, simply pulling and adjusting where necessary. Not above ripping either, but don't worry, he'll gladly buy you some new sets. Maybe he should get you some of those crotchless panties, poppet, would save him a lot of hassle.

Johnny 'Soap' Mactavish

Listen, as much as he loves it seeing you all dolled up, there is nothing that gets him going quicker than you in some raggedy, hole-ridden comfy clothes, preferably when they're his. His boxers framing your plump ass so nicely, digging into your flesh a bit when you move and his shirt doing nothing to hide the jiggle of your tits while your nipples poke through the fabric. If he sees you like this, his hands are all over you in a split second. God forbid your shirt is cropped, showing off your soft tummy and the underside of your breasts — you couldn't pry him off with a crowbar.

(you cannot tell me Johnny doesn't own some dumbass boxers like this)

Simon 'Ghost' Riley

In fear of repeating myself, I think Simon would also go a little dreamy-eyed over you in your comfies. Except, unlike Johnny, he loves those sweet little pj-sets you wear. He's still a little taken aback every time he comes home to you curled up on his — your — couch. The realization that he has something this sweet to come home to — that he has a home at all, hitting him like a freight train. Like Price, doesn't bother taking your pajamas off when he pounces on you. Just makes it easier for him to tuck you into bed after he's done with you.

Kyle 'Gaz' Garrick

Garters, belts, straps, buckles, the whole thing. And best believe he's the one picking them out, too. You'll randomly find boxes on your bed, the contents in different styles, colours, fabrics. He insists you model them for him, or send him pictures if he's deployed. The sets are an absolute nightmare to get into, but he'll gladly help you take them off, darlin'. Don't mind him though, if he snaps a photo or two in the process. Also loves it when you wear lingerie as part of an actual outfit. What can I say, the man loves showing you off (with the knowledge he's the only one that gets to see the full sets and everything underneath them later).

König

Anything resembling some cheap halloween costume from party city. It honestly doesn't matter to him what; sexy secretary, naughty nurse, you name it. Literally whatever. He will lose his mind a little if you go as far as to engage in some roleplay pertaining to whatever you're wearing — acting like he's your boss or your patient. Oh, a pair of animal ears can and will make his eyes roll back in his head. (He will, however, ensure that your outfits are of relatively good quality — they've gotta outlast a least a few rounds, Schatzi).

Philip Graves

Ugh, he's so nasty (affectionate). He wants you to look hyper-feminine. His perfect little all-american wife (even if you've never set foot in the usa, or don't yet wear a ring on your finger) in her hyper-feminine lingerie, waiting for her soldier to come home. Frilly bras, lacy undies and silky night dresses in white or pink or any pastel shade. He gets off on the innocence they exude — makes him want to ruin you. And then wife you up. Maybe give you a baby or two.

Alejandro Vargas

Corsets!!! Or anything somewhat structured, really. This man adores the shape of your body no matter what, and the way the corset only accentuates the curve of your waist and pushes your tits up so deliciously has him rock fucking hard. If you choose to add some thigh-highs to that with the plush fat of your thighs spilling over the edge you may as well have killed him. He also has this weird infatuation with the marks the corset leaves on your skin after you (or he) take it off.

Rodolfo 'Rudy' Parra

This poor man nearly faints the first time you wear lingerie for him (and pretty much every time after that). It doesn't particularly matter to him what it is, but he does like it when you stick to the classics: simple lacy bra and panty set. He likes that it makes you feel confident and (relatively) comfortable, as your comfort is always his number one priority. He also just thinks the simplicity of the sets helps accentuate the beauty of your body, rather than distract from it.

Valeria Garza

Anything expensive. Like, crazy expensive. She has the money, amor, why not spend it on something she enjoys? She'll make sure you only wear the highest quality fabrics (and that goes for all your clothing, by the way, she likes taking care of her girl). There are diamonds glittering all over your body, highlighting all your curves and twinkling with every move you make, and a nice string of pearls disappearing between your folds.

(I couldn't find ANY photos of this type of lingerie on bigger bodies, my apologies. Rest assured Valeria will get everything custom-made for you — remember, only the best for her girl)

[misstycloud]

What about a yandere playboy x revenge-driven reader?

Yandere! Playboy is the guy on campus. How can he not be? He has everything a person could ever want. He is wealthy, handsome and has many friends. Best of all qualities; he’s great in bed.

Yandere! Playboy has been hitting beds for years now. He is young and has a right to live life to the fullest, so why shouldn’t he enjoy himself while he still can? His parents doesn’t approve of this behaviour but what can they do to stop him? Besides, he’s already told his father that he’ll find someone to settle down with when he’s older and fit to take over the company. He doesn’t want to lose the privileged life he has so it’s in his best favour to just do what his dad tells him to and find someone to marry later.

It wouldn’t reflect well on the company if its leader is a scandalous, immature playboy after all.

Yandere! Playboy who has been with most of the people on campus. The only exception are the ones he and his friends consider ‘too ugly’ or ‘just not up to standards’- which can be due to anything. It’s basically become a game by this point; who in the friend group can be the college’s number one player.

Yandere! Playboy who almost let his friend surpass him in that department. It was a close call. Good luck he found a cute girl in time so he could drive up his score just above his friend’s. He noticed her at a party. He hadn’t seen her around before so he guessed she was new. The girl looked very out-of-place, standing in a corner while everyone else were letting loose. Did she come alone? Whatever, it didn’t matter. Quickly he snatched her up. She definitely wasn’t the best he’s had, nowhere near it in fact. She was an average fuck at best. It was only after he’d brought her home and fucked her until she cried, that he realised his mistake. After the deed was done she was awfully clingy. She wrapped her arms around him and tried to nuzzle his neck, much to his dismay.

Yandere! Playboy hastily pushed her off and asked her what she thought she was doing. Confused, she responded that she just wanted to cuddle since what they did was so special. Oh no, he thought. She was one of those girls who thought hooking up once meant ‘relationship’. How could he be so stupid? He knew better than to take ‘sweet’ girls with him, they always ended up deluding themselves they were a couple. Sternly, he told her to get out. This made her confused and she wondered if she’d done something wrong.

“Yes, you’ve done something wrong.”

“What was it? Please tell me.” She whispered in a small voice.

He sneered at her. “You think we’re a couple now or some shit. Sorry to burst your bubble but we’re not together.”

The girl bit her lip, tears welling up in her eyes. “We’re…not? Then why would you-“

“-don’t think you’re special. I just didn’t want my pal’s fuck-score to get higher than mine and you were the first decent thing I could find.”

Afterward he kicked her out. He didn’t give a shit that she was crying. Her feelings didn’t matter to him. No one’s feelings mattered to him besides his own. It was her own fault for getting her hopes up. She was cute, don’t get him wrong. But she seemed way too much of a goody two-shoes for him.

Yandere! Playboy who went about life normally after that. Occasionally he did see his latest lay around campus but she never approached him, instead she chose to send him a sad glance now and then. Pathetic.

Yandere! Playboy had been so caught up with a bunch of school work, he swore the professors had it out for him. After all that tediousness he deserved a break. He needed to relax and there was only one way to do that correctly. Unfortunately his regular ‘buddies’ were unavaliable, he’ll have to find someone else tonight.

Yandere! Playboy who searched the room filled with dancing, intoxicated people. The constantly colour-switching lights made him dizzy. No matter how much he searched he could not see anyone who’d caught his interest. He was about to give up when someone finally got his attention. It was you. Gosh you were just gorgeous. Wow, he thought. He hadn’t seen anyone like you before. Luckily you appeared to notice him too. He seductivle licked his lips while staring into your eyes and was happy when you showed equal interest.

Yandere! Playboy who didn’t waste a minute and went right up to you. You were been hotter up close. This was going to be fun, he thought as he led you upstairs.

Yandere! Playboy was in shock. What the hell just happened? The morning light shone directly in his face but he couldn’t find it in himself to care. After he’d brought you to his room for what he’d imagined to be a usual fun night, he’d been fully surprised. You were nothing short of amazing. He couldn’t recall a moment when he’d ever felt so good. Usually he was the one to lead but you took over as if for was the most natural thing in the world. Never in his life had he been so thoroughly explored. The bruises on his body still ached when he moved.

He needed more.

Yandere! Playboy became obsessed afterwards. He had to see you again. All those years of sleeping around could never amount to the pleasure he felt that night with you and he desperately wanted to feel it again. Sadly, it was like you vanished. Did you not go to the same college? He asked around but no one knew you. Strange, he thought. Weeks passed and there was still no sign of you. He was incredibly pent up now. He had been focused on finding you that he hadn’t taken anyone home since. His friends thought he was acting way to obsessed with his random person and needed to calm down. Perhaps if he spent time with someone he’d cool off. They see him up to meet one of his regular ‘buddies’ who was more than happy to see him again.

Yandere! Playboy tried to recreate the experience with them but it didn’t work. They were all clumsy and didn’t know how to make anything feel good. He couldn’t even finish that time. Frustrated, he threw them out and told them he wanted to be alone. Why wasn’t it working? What went wrong? And why the hell couldn’t he stop thinking about you? It made him want to tear his hair out.

While he was deeply grumbling about his newfound problem, he was interrupted by a knock on his door. He shouted at the person to leave him alone but the knocking didn’t stop. He ripped the door open and was prepared to scream at the other person when his eyes widened in surprise. He was speechless.

There in the doorway stood you. You gave him a wicked smile, “Can I come in?”

Yandere! Playboy practically became your dog after that. He knows your name now, (Y/n). He shudders just thinking about it. Turns out you do go to another college and you’re not the most social person which explains why no one had heard of you. Not only are you fantastic on the outside, he finds you to be a wonderful person too. The more you’ve hung out, the more he’s gotten to know about you. He currently knows these five things: you always have a way to make him laugh, you share many hobbies(some which he can’t talk about even with his closest friends), you value his opinion, never talk down to him, and he absolutely loves you.

Yandere! Playboy who immediately cuts off his previous hook ups. You’re the only one for him. There isn’t a soul out there who can be your match. All of his friends have become so annoying. All they say is about how much he’s changed and it’s crazy how he’s doing a complete 180 for one single person. He ignores them. If they can’t see how perfect you are then that’s their loss, and he can’t be friends with them anymore. The only ones happy about this change are his parents.

He recalls his father saying, “So you’ve finally decided to be a real man and stop with your foolishness.”

“Yes. I have found my one and only love, the person I’m going to marry.”

His father nodded. Yandere! Playboy smiled. He had all intention to follow up with his statement. He loved you and based of your reactions around him, he’d say you loved him too.

Yandere! Playboy who was all giddy as he waited for you at the restaurant you’d decided to meet in. You had been hanging out for months now and he thought it was time to ask you to be his official partner(future spouse). It was a perfect setting. He has brought a bouquet of flowers and put on nice clothes. The ambiance was just right.

He waited.

You weren’t there yet, but sometimes you ran a little late.

He waited some more.

You still weren’t there. That’s all right! He’ll sit there until you arrive.

He sat in his chair long enough to see the staff send him pitiful looks. Where were you? It had been far too long for you to simply be ‘running a little late’. Did you get into an accident? He prayed nothing had happened to you. Quickly he pulled out his phone and sent you a text. Or well, he tried to.

‘Unable to send message’

What? He didn’t understand. Why wasn’t his text getting through? Did you…block him? No that wasn’t possible. There was no reason you would do that. You loved him. He loved you. You wouldn’t block him. All of his attempts to contact you went into the garbage. When he called; direct to voicemail. He tried looking for you, although that proved to be a lot harder than he thought. It was then he realised he had no idea where you lived. You were always at his place and he never questioned it. He went to your college and asked if anyone had seen you but they all said they didn’t know anyone by the name of (Y/n) who went there. Did you lie about where you went to school?

Yandere! Playboy who became depressed. He couldn’t find you anywhere. You had vanished, just like before. Except this time you never came back. His head was filled with questions. Where were you? Are you safe? Why did you leave him? Didn’t you love him too? He fell into despair. His parents wanted to help him and so did the friends he abandoned for you (they came back, he couldn’t understand why), but nothing they did helped. They weren’t you.

Please come back to him, he needs you.

————

A/n: for clarification, the girl in the beginning is reader’s friend.

[thecoiledserpent]

↻ DARAKARAKA PLANET AND THE NATURE OF THE SPOUSE

basics of vedic astrology. ask box. pinned.

the planet having the lowest degree among the seven planets—sun, moon, mercury, venus, mars, jupiter and saturn is your darakaraka (abbrev.—dk). it is the planet that represents the nature of your 'opposite', or your future spouse.

note that this also represents the traits that you yourself do not embody. the partner is a form of the cumulations of traits that we most often desire in ourselves, what we seek subconsciously.

you can also think of your darakaraka planet as what you desire to be. for example, someone with a mars dk may desire to be more outspoken, energetic and courageous. darakaraka is the last significator among the seven planets because your future spouse is your other half; or, alternatively, it is representative of the things that you lack.

i would like to highlight that simply the planet is not enough an indicator of your spouse. the nakshatra placement of said placement matters a lot, too.

say, a female native has purva ashada jupiter in 7h with magha venus dk in 3h. both jupiter and darakaraka are massive fs indicators. we notice that jupiter is in a venus ruled nak and the dk is venus as well, so the fs will for sure be venus dominant. additionally, dk planet in magha indicates the fs may have ketuvian influence to their personality / appearance. maybe a gaunt body, or magnetic eyes. their ancestors (pitris) would be respected and / or worshipped in their family tradition. they might have a kingly personality. jupiter in 7h further increases their venusian quality. so we study the fs using many combinations like these. now say this person's venus was in 3rd house aries in navamsa. the relationship will be sexually passionate, and the spouse could be of fiery demeanour. impatient, and demanding. they could be oblivious to the native's efforts a times, and this would hurt them. if say venus was also combust from sun, then there would be quarrels with the spouse. if venus was conjunct mars closely, then the native could be promiscuous leading to fights with the spouse. if venus was conjunct mercury, the fs could have a sibling.

so on, and so forth. i've tried my best to be as inclusive and detailed as possible; but know that these are general observations. your fs won't be a king just because it sounds like that. i speak by taking both, the worst and best case scenarios.

SUN DARAKARAKA

if you hope to expand your business, form connections or just overall want to improve your professional life, then sun darakaraka is a good indication that your spouse will help you in said endeavour. they will very likely be the dominant partner in the relationship, or at least be responsible for the more practical side of the relationship.

the spouse is a resemblance of the native's outward nature. it is not the best thing to have sun or moon as dk since there are ego issues involved in these placements. the spouse is a reflection of who the native is internally or externally, and their negative traits could trigger the native. while transformation is a good thing, in a married couple it can lead to resentment. i personally believe that with a sun or moon dk it is advisable to cultivate patience. understanding yourself is key to understanding the spouse.

they are nurturing but may turn controlling. it would be good to take some time away from them and spend it on yourself to ensure you don't completely give in to everything they say and lose your personality. also, to be fair, they don't appreciate dependent or weak people. so if you lose your sense of personality around them, then you might end up loosing your romantic appeal in their eyes. make them realise that they're not the only thing in your life and their respect for you will always remain high.

the relationship here can easily turn egoistical, so it is advisable to ensure that the spouse does not turn too distant. they can take impulsive decisions at times, so keep an eye on them discreetly (because they will not appreciate it if they catch you, either). just look out for them, i mean. with a sun dk, the spouse may have a broad face and traditionally masculine appearance. wide shoulders, or long legs. strong arms and thigh region. there could be stress around their eyes or neck region, and they could often overwork themselves.

the spouse would appreciate being looked after. simple gestures aren't enough to win their heart, but they never go unnoticed. it affirms them and encourages them to look after their spouse, so they will return the favour in the form of actions and taking more responsibility off your shoulders. ( i was kind of hesitating in saying this but here we go; sun dk may indicate a spouse who likes a tease😉 yk, the usual; decorating the bedroom with flowers / candles / whatever aesthetic they appreciate and wearing smth sexy gets them going 😏 they are genuinely hard working though, so they find themselves both physically and emotionally fulfilled when presented with such gestures. ) they may not act romantic all the time, because their way of expressing love is by taking as much burden off their spouse's shoulders as possible.

MOON DARAKARAKA

a moon dk makes the native less emotional by nature and their spouse is more emotional than them. the spouse is usually beautiful, or at least has rounder features. for those who seek women partners, moon dk bestows fertility, beauty and fine speech. for those seek male partners, moon dk bestows wit, round features, medium to short stature, and the ability to lie and manipulate.

lunar energy is better handled by women; and in men, lunar energy is only nurtured properly if the moon is in good dignity or the native also has leo placements. moon in detriment for lunar male native will make him apathetic to the plight of women and he may also be corrupt by nature. regardless, a mood dk will not be very beneficial if moon is overall weak or a malefic in the chart. the spouse would be emotionally unstable or have mental disorders in the worst case.

with a moon dk, your spouse would light up your domestic life. because the native would not be much interested in the home and hearth themselves (especially if they don't have cancer or taurus placements), the spouse will look after most of the organization of the house. yes, this can bestow a selfish character to the native. but not mandatorily, of course. the native would like seeing the home clean but may not contribute much to it. that, or the spouse would rather look over the house of their own accord.

the spouse would be intensely passionate about their career. whatever they do to make an earning, it will be almost religious to them. work is like duty to them. they worship it, and they respect money and labour. they may overwork themselves to stay true to their selves to the point of developing eating disorders or losing physical charm. (lose physical charm in the sense that they may suddenly lose a lot of weight and our body fat, rolls and curves are a part of our auspiciousness and beauty.)

the domestic life would be pleasurable and the in-laws are usually quite happy when the native having moon dk has a female partner. she will be of gentle nature, and also be sexually, uh, hungry? lenient? demanding? somehow, a mix of all three. she will desire sex, and she will be lustful and she may even chase after others after wedlock if the dk moon is aspected by mars or venus. hence why moon can give mixed results. in the best case scenario she would be chaste, highly ambitious about her career, caring, impressive and melancholic.

the spouse is a resemblance of the native's internal nature. it is not the best thing to have sun or moon as dk since there are ego issues involved in these placements. the spouse is a reflection of who the native is internally or externally, and their negative traits could trigger the native. while transformation is a good thing, in a married couple it can lead to resentment. i personally believe that with a sun or moon dk it is advisable to cultivate patience. understanding yourself is key to understanding the spouse.

be patient with a female spouse. she will be emotionally vulnerable and gentle hearted. her mood swings will be irrational and intolerable at times, and it is advisable to simply let her be by herself to calm down for a while. be cautious with a male spouse. he may be disloyal and seek other partners even after wedlock. he may especially have such tendencies if his own venus is conjunct mars. he would be even more prone to showing such behaviour when upset, so don't just let him storm off. a nice meal or a forceful hug almost always has these people listening. also, don't break their trust; they completely lose respect for your words and promises after that.

MERCURY DARAKARAKA

an ideal darakaraka if you're looking for a spouse who will also be your partner-in-crime, as well as closest confidant. the spouse will be as much a friend as a partner, and themes of light-heartedness will be apparent. they may appear air-headed, but their appearance is not one to go by; especially those who are seeking to have a female partner.

the spouse would be clever, with a lot of connections and a good social life. if they want to, they can pull strings to get their work done. they enjoy the leisure of life and may have hedonistic tendencies. regardless, they are clever and diplomatic. they know what to say, and what not to. even their silence has meaning. anger manifests as abandonment with them, so if you're not observant enough, you may end up chasing them away further when they are upset. they are less emotional and adopt rationality in most situations.

they would be charming, with attractive facial features. they may be medium to tall in height or skinny. their face could be symmetric in a unique way. as in, moles on exact opposite sides of the face, or a completely symmetric hairline. regardless, they will be very finicky about their appearance and would require reassurance from their spouse (you). they could be a lover of flowery scents or wooden undertones. if natal mercury is in water sign then they could adore the smell of wet earth. if natal mercury is in ketu nakshatras, then they could be childish and innocently oblivious in matters of the heart.

they may seek company just as a child does, and can be childish. they may test others' patience sometimes. they may accidentally upset their mother-in-law, which may lead to fights with the spouse. they may love being chased in the relationship. they would be forever young, and be appreciated for their liveliness even in old age. they are a trickster, and would have tendencies to manipulate others if dk mercury is also in mercury nakshatras or natal mercury is in 7th/8th house.

if mercury becomes dk while forming mahapurusha yoga, the spouse would be endowed with fine speech, a quick mind, ability to make money and manage it well. they would be bright of mind and likeable. they would almost have a childish charm that attracts people to them, allowing them many opportunities in life. they would have a pleasant disposition and be fond of laughter. they could also like sweet meats or chocolate.

VENUS DARAKARAKA

a genuinely good darakaraka placement to have. if darakaraka venus is in leo, the native will respect women a lot. if dk leo venus is in the 2nd or 3rd house, native may be oral about their activism for women empowerment.

for venus dk, the married life will be pleasurable. the spouse will be attractive, charming, have pleasing aesthetics and pay attention to cleanliness. they often pay good attention to their spouse (the native themselves, that is) and are romantic. they may appreciate gestures that express love, however big or small they may be. although they could be vain, or even prideful in the worst of cases. if venus is weak in the chart, then there will be struggles in the married life. there could be arguments, and problems in conceiving.

the spouse will be what the native desires in a partner. they will have ideal characteristics a wife may desire of her husband, although he / she may not make a good parent. it is important not to ignore the children in favour of the spouse. the native having venus dk will be the more prominent parent in the child's life. the home and hearth will be comforting places for the couple, and the home will be beautifully decorated. they will go on vacations often, too.

the spouse will resemble the ideal beauty of their gender / race / nationality etc. they may even have an auspicious appearance; as in, soft pink feet, heart shaped face, curly hair, lotus shaped birth mark, moles on the face for women etc.

venus in the dharma trikona: the spouse will be knowledgeable and fair. they will value justice as a part of society and may dislike selfishness or displays of lack of dignity or grace. they will be well guided in life and guide their spouse towards greater heights as well. the native will respect their spouse a lot. the married life will be divinely protected and the couple will share many successes, gain prosperity and receive luxuries. if the venus is weak while in the dharma trikona, the spouse may be morally corrupt. the spouse would be more self centered and may even ignore their children in favour of the native. venus in the artha trikona: a favourable placement to have if the native is involved in business or is career focused and wishes to climb the stairs of material success. the spouse will support this pursuit both in terms of connections and their own, personal effort towards encouraging the native and helping them with technicalities. there will be no lack of material wealth. dk venus in 6th house will make the couple devoted to each other and they would not engage in promiscuity. even more favourable if the native is a libra rising. the couple will donate a lot, and will gain name and fame for their generosity. if venus is unfavourable in the chart, the spouse will be greedy for money, fame and power. they would have no problem manipulating the native and the couple will share mistrust. the native may end up resenting the spouse. money will be abundant, but it will be spent for one reason or the other as soon as it comes into the house. venus in the kama trikona: luxury, a large, beautiful and envy-inspiring home, gifts from the spouse and the like themes are associated here. a personal blessing from the gods if venus also receives aspects from saturn or jupiter. even jupiter's gaze falling on venus is highly auspicious. money will be spent easily and in abundance, but it will also come in the house quickly. if saturn aspects venus, the spouse will appreciate budgeting. just an overall great placement to have, the spouse is intensely romantic for this placement. if venus is unfavourable in the chart, the spouse could be finicky and stingy; but only towards the native. the native will not enjoy their position as the spouse. the native will feel unloved because of the lack of action and initiative in their romantic ventures from their spouse. the spouse may try to make up for it with sweet words, but it will not satisfy the native. venus in the moksha trikona: a highly favourable placement if you wish to pursue spirituality, or work towards occult sciences after marriage. the spouse will be spiritually inclined and the relation between the couple will be emotionally rich. truly magical, it reminds me of that one hindi movie wherein a kashmiri couple are displaced from their home due to terrorist activities and have to live as refugees in the outskirts of delhi and punjab. they struggle a lot, but the love between them only deepens the further life tests their bond. suffice to say that there will be struggles when the princely venus is thrown into the mud of struggles of common life, but it is only under these circumstances that a lotus blooms. concluding, i wish to say that this placement is not as dreamy as the others, but the spouse is very supporting, kind and encourages the native to attain moksha. the spouse will believe in spirituality and gods grace will be upon this couple if jupiter, saturn or sun aspect venus. with aspects from sun, ensure venus is not combust, otherwise quarrels will be there in the relationship. an unfavourable venus in these houses will reap the opposite results. the spouse can be materialistic. they could show hedonistic tendencies and be unemotional. lack of understanding within the relationship, and worst case scenario, the spouse may cheat on the native. it is advisable to chant sri suktam as often as possible in a divine, quaint and clean setting. keep the bedroom clean, and avoid letting too many people into your sleeping chambers.

venus while being dk if forms a mahapurusha yoga gives a highly knowledgeable spouse who would be interested in occult sciences and have great desire to master the vedas. they would be of beautiful physique and very likely rich. they would form a lot of connections and the women in their life would be highly supportive of them. they would be sensual and romantic. as a parent they would teach their child to respect women foremost, and would set an amazing example of an ideal man / woman by treating their spouse with love and respect. their child would love them a lot. they could be of kingly / royal background.

i won't be able to make a generalization for other dks other than venus since i was unable to generalize in the others. venus mostly gave the same results, though.

MARS DARAKARAKA

the soul desires a passionate, long lasting love. with a mars darakaraka, other than having a fun, spontaneous and adventurous spouse, the native may also desire wanting to be liberated from societal expectations. go wild, so to say. maybe they limit themselves too much, but mars dk people actually suffer from their rich desires in life that are sometimes even impossible. but other times maybe they just desire dancing in the rain, hanging off a moving car, go scuba diving, etc.

mars dk bestows in the native an intense desire to love, and be loved. these are passionate people and once they decide that they love you, they will look out for you in whatever way they can or you let them. it's not easy for their love to die. mars dk natives lust for intensity, and they prove it. it's really ride or die with these people, they are genuinely obsessive to the point of their own ruin. remember that it's important to remain self loving too, no matter how much you love someone. at the end of the day you're the only one who will love you.

now, the spouse of the mars dk native is often sexually attractive or strong looking. and i mean both in terms of personality and looks, or either even. maybe they look like they could punch you, or just very argumentative, they come off as being strong either way. they have a reddish undertone to their skin and may even have acne. they could have scars on their face or body, and appear experienced with struggles in life. although they aren't, not as much as saturn dk native's spouses anyway.

the spouse would be active, sporty and bright. they could be im jobs that have them running around all day, even a lot of travelling is possible. government jobs that often have them transferring from this place to that. they may even be an engineer if natal mars dk forms contact with saturn. it is preferable that saturn make indirect contact such as via sign exchange, house exchange, or drishti instead of direct conjunction since that will bring struggles into the native's life.

mars dk gives a spouse who is hot tempered and easily loses their patience. they would be tyrannical if mars is combust, and the relationship would suffer a lot due to this. if mars is conjunct venus, then the spouse would be loyal, beautiful and sexually passionate but the native themselves may be of loose morals or character. it is advisable not to keep a toe out of line when in a relationship with a mars dominant person since much like solar people, the relationship runs on two things; namely love and respect. if the respect is lost, the relationship turns bitter and there will be many fights.

the spouse would be appreciative of the native's efforts in life and the native would feel seen with their spouse. they would live a happy life together if jupiter comes into contact with mars. the couple would be blessed with virtuous progeny and all sorts of luxuries in such a case.

mars forming a mahapurusha yoga while being dk would bring a spouse who is virtuous, passionate, fierce, fights for their rights, unafraid of challenges, of reddish skin, having strength in the arms and have sturdy feet and body. this would give excellent results, as well. they would make a good parent, but they may unintentionally transfer their own prejudices / ideas to their children without giving them the space to grow. they would need to work on this. but they would make an amazing spouse who would always stand by your side, even in the most adverse of conditions.

JUPITER DARAKARAKA

the spouse is, by extension, one's teacher when jupiter becomes the darakaraka. the partner will be religious / spiritual, benevolent, wealthy, optimistic, fair and of curvaceous physique. emotionally, they will be private but have a rich inner world. they spend a lot of time cultivating their knowledge and inner world and hence are selective about the crowd they mingle with. but they are still polite and find suitable worth even in the smallest of events or people. they would also love the arts.

the spouse will be money minded. they could prioritize themselves a lot, and could put off an egoistic or sensitive native. it needs to be noted that while they are kind and benevolent, they give worth to their hard work and don't let it go to waste. they utilise connections and place importance in human connections. still, a jupiter dk can give a somewhat distant spouse, emotionally. they will recognize and execute their duties in the house accordingly, and not do anything less or more. they will teach their child good values and would make for good role models.

by extension, i must mention that while this is extremely rare (unfortunately, because most men are entitled pricks who not only learn to disrespect women from their fathers but are also often protected unfairly by their mothers who should, as women themselves, correct them but don't), jupiter darakaraka can bestow the 'ideal' husband who worships his wife. or, the 'ideal' wife who remains devoted and loving to her husband. and not in a leech-like obsessive way, but rather in the way common imagination narrates it.

guidance towards the best ideals, romantic ventures, completely loyalty to the wife / husband, caring and kind, however you envision it. especially true for natives who seek a female partner, since jupiter dominance in female natives usually bestows a virtuous and pleasant personality. of course, a lot of aspects matter here. like a retrograde jupiter will destroy this; or a weak or debilitated jupiter. even jupiter in eighth reduces the auspiciousness of this planet.

darakaraka jupiter mostly bestows good results. it is especially beneficial for the native to inculcate habits of the ministerial jupiter who is of sattwa guna (of auspicious nature), wise, patient and the teacher of all. jupiter is also directly linked with shri hari vishnu, so for hindus, it is advisable to hold fasts on thursday or ekadashi (the 11th day of every month in the hindu calendar) to be under his grace. the grace of shri vishnu is said to save man from the worst depths of hell, and rise from common greed and sin.

wearing gold and yellow hued clothes increases the auspiciousness of one's jupiter.

jupiter forming mahapurusha yoga while being the dk is highly favourable for the native's spiritual life; bestowing a spiritually inclined spouse who would be prosperous and wealthy. they would have a lot of in depth knowledge about various topics of interest and they would love teaching to others. they would be kind to those who wish to learn from them and make for an excellent parent and role model. their child would both fear them and respect them. the child would be closer to the native than the spouse, emotionally. they would also make an excellent and pleasant spouse.

SATURN DARAKARAKA

the spouse is diligent of nature and polite by virtue. they might be the epitome of raising one's own empire; not quite literally, of course. but they will be self made. they are protected by saturn; treating them unfairly will have consequences. if someone manages to achieve something with 2 hours of work, it might take them 6 hours. there remains a theme of struggle with the spouse's life, but they will know how to emerge from tough situations. they would value tradition, culture and religion a lot. they could make their father figure in their life their role model, and end up becoming an even better person than them.

spouse may have dark hair and sunken, tired looking eyes. hooded eyes. tall and lean appearance, regardless of height. they may appear tired all the time, or obvious indicators on their face that they work a lot. mature looking, looks older than their age. usually have long, bony fingers. they might have a strong bone structure in their face. they could be very beautiful if saturn is aspected by jupiter or venus. if not, then they would have a structured face regardless.

the spouse may have uncordial relations with their father, and would be more unconventional by thought. they won't bind themselves with useless restrictions. it might be difficult to understand them, especially emotionally as they might be very reserved in terms of expressions. they will be less romantic and will be more focused on career and the more practical aspects of the relationship over other themes. (this does not mean they will not be romantic, they are just more grounded than the others. they are not lovers of romance like the venus dks or complete workaholics like solar dks. they simply value longevity, is all. lack of structure will put them off and they would rather sort it out first.)

is saturn is conjunct venus, or jupiter, then the spouse's love would stand the test of time. if natal saturn is in 7th house they would like being taken care of in terms of service; as in preparing them a bath, taking care of their study room, washing their hair, managing money or other practical affairs in their stead. they would love you regardless, but they would respect you a lot if you do so.

if natal saturn is in 1st house then they would love giving the same treatment to the native, or at least it would be beneficial for them to. if, however, saturn is also in cap / aqua while in the 1st house, then dk saturn will give adverse results and the good qualities of the spouse would be destroyed. they may even be lazy and dull. however aries saturn in 1st house will give good results, but there will be fights and periods of isolation between the couple.

saturn forming a mahapurusha yoga while being dk would give a spouse who might as well be a millionaire, or have the potential of becoming one. they would be hard-working, respectful and of amazing morality and character. while not everybody would adore them, everyone would certainly respect them. they would be slow, but dedicated and deliberate. they would be very attractive of physique, and if natal mars is conjunct jupiter in the spouse's chart, then they may.. er, be sexually strong. an amazing placement to have! they would teach their child the importance of hard work and diligence and their child would respect them, even though they may not end up being emotionally attached to them.

since we were on the topic of spouses, i wanted to address one major thing which often bothers a lot of people. when we talk about these planets, signs, houses, aspects, etc then we mention a lot of good and bad. we discuss what would be good about the relationship and what would be bad. for venus and jupiter dk i particularly highlighted money, fame and riches. but do all natives having these dk have loving spouses? this is why at the end of the day, it all circles back to karma. which responsibility you ran from in your previous lives, what sins you committed, which people you betrayed, how you betrayed them, etc. if there's one thing that will never leave you then that is the result of your own actions. i know, and i never say that trauma, fear, abuse are things that you deserved because of your bad karma; that was someone else who absolutely ruined their own soul and mind by trying to hurt yours. what karma is, however, the people who could save you but who you never had. trustworthy parents. caring spouse. loving siblings. reliable friends. other souls who care about your soul; and when you don't have them in your life, is when you realize that you have committed wrongs against others. maybe you were the aggressor in some other life. maybe you were a german who secretly revealed a jewish neighbour to the nazis. maybe you were the man who abandoned his wife for his career. maybe you were the child who left their old parents on the streets. maybe you were the child who suicided and left their parents to mourn. maybe you were the sibling in whose favour your parents forcefully married off their more than capable daughter. maybe you were the 14 year old boy who raped a girl; a girl who could have been the next genius but suicided because of you and you never knew. you could be the mother who abandoned her child to marry a richer man. you cold be the father who never loved his girl child so the child never knew what true love was and kept getting manipulated by other men. you could be the co worker due to whom a talented young lady lost her ambition. maybe, maybe, maybe. you will receive punishment for your wrong doings, but even the universe is a form of parent to us. it will not break you to the point of no return, and in every darkness you will find a beacon of light. a pet, maybe. good food, nice friends, random strangers who are kind to you, a sparrows song, a flower's scent; these are all blessings, and it is with exposing ourselves to the truth that we learn and develop as people. the reason i say this is because people have high expectations of their partners, but they could be the worst sort of person in your eyes. and that's okay. at the end of the day you can only carry out your own duty. even wanting to see or understand the fruit of your dutiful nature is a worthless pursuit. please don't be disheartened, we all have our own struggles in life. and in some way, we can all, together help each other to deal with our problems with a kind smile :)

ॐ नमो भगवते वासुदेवाय नमः

[foldingfittedsheets]

When I was in third grade I got Weird with writing. It makes sense in hindsight. Oppressed people find their own ways of carving out space for themselves.

The first bit I did landed me in trouble more immediately. I was given, god knows by who, one of those enormous giant pencils. I loved it. My tiny nine year old body was consumed with love of this pencil that was roughly 1/3 of my height. I insisted that I would only use this pencil in school.

It was an unlucky year to be stricken with whimsy. My third grade teacher was a tyrannical Japanese woman fueled by her dislike of children. I suspect the cultural divide between how she expected children to behave and the reality of American children broke her.

She was three foot nothing and getting berated by her was the first time I’d ever looked down at an adult. I also saw her once standing next to her white 6’ behemoth of a husband and tried to conceptualize how two such disparate people had sex. I never could.

If you think I’m exaggerating her wrath it’s worth noting that my best friend at the time developed a stress disorder from this woman and I fell into a bizarre stutter that cleared up the moment I was out of class. In her classroom breaking down crying was a weekly occurrence.

But despite the frigid conditions, I persevered. I stayed silly. I brought my enormous novelty pencil to class every day. It was an act of rebellion that I sank my teeth into and refused to let go. I could barely sharpen it because its girth defied standard sharpeners the way I defied my teacher. This was my pencil.

When she attempted to confiscate my giant pencil I rose an unholy ruckus. This would not turn into the confiscated holographic Charizard, my tamagotchi, or my little pop frogs that she never returned to me. No. This was my goddamn pencil. There was no rules against enormous novelty pencils and after a heated week of debate she finally conceded I could use the hated thing.

It was stolen by my kleptomaniac friend a week or so after that a fact I’d only discover at the end of the year. But my tiny mind was convinced the evil teacher had stolen it.

In retaliation, instead of resuming normal behavior I decided that I would do all my writing upside down and backwards. No one, least of all myself, could explain why I felt this was necessary. Maybe I felt I’d be cool like a spy, maybe I just needed to buck the teachers hateful authority, or maybe I was just a little autistic kid.

When taking notes or writing essays I’d arrange the paper to be upside down. It may surprise you to know that my penmanship was actually quite decent, albeit I wrote a little more slowly than my classmates. That’s why it took the teacher a while to realize what was going on. There wasn’t a drop in the quality of my writing.

Unsurprisingly she hated it when she found out. She lambasted me both privately and in front of the class to write normally. I asked if my writing was illegible. She had to admit that no, it was not. I shrugged. I did not see a problem.

Like the pencil my new writing fixation was cited as being a distraction to the other children. But similarly she didn’t have an easy way to make me stop. She marked me down, gave me several talking tos, and generally bullied me into writing like everyone else.

All attempts at correcting me simply ran off my back. I had found a way to cope with how miserable she made all of us, by inflicting misery back upon her. I was unswayed for the rest of the year.

When I graduated up into fourth grade and had a teacher I adored it suddenly stopped. I looked at the paper and thought, Well that’s silly, and flipped it the right way round.

I can still write upside down, though, a testament to my worst year in public school.