#treating the internet like my diary again

[dreamswillbeyourwintermeat]

11.23.2023 2

I was going to say I understand

I understand why I'm no one's favorite

No one's priority.

I'm prickly, I'm defensive, self-absorbed, absent-minded, and a dozen other things that make me a challenge.

But you know what.

I don't understand.

Maybe I am all of that

Maybe i am hard to love.

I am.

But.

Maybe you're bad at loving people.

Maybe you're just not up to the challenge.

Maybe you just don't try hard enough, love hard enough.

Maybe that's a personal failing on your part.

[kimbapchan]

I am so thankful to you all

I stepped away from the internet last night to collect myself. I've just now received everyone's messages and comments to my post and i am so thankful to everyone. While i cant respond to everyone, pls know i've read and took to heart all your kind messages.

There are even people who support my work and growth even if they are no longer in the same fandom (danmei) and I am so thankful for those people too! I am thankful to ALL OF YOU who took the time to message me last night.

CW: I will mention my body issues so pls be aware, you dont have to ready any further. I have PCOS so this year, I've decided to go on a weightloss journey and so far I've finally reached my healthy weight through healthy means/lifestyle changes, not from those crash diets. I've started cosplaying again because I finally feel like I can have the confidence to do it. I used to cosplay when I was in highschool up to college but I never felt beautiful or confident in cosplay because of my weight. NOW that I've finally reached a healthier weight, i feel i could and i did start cosplaying with my friend. I cosplay for fun and to help me heal myself with my body issues.

However, even with my healthiest weight now, I have been dealing with body dysmorphia and it's causing me quite a lot of distress and frustration with myself. Everyone around me told me I look good or I lost weight but I myself cant see it, i still see the unattractive unconfident obese girl i've always been and it sucks. Let me tell you, cosplay has helped me slowly heal myself and gain confidence. Seeing that comment stressed me out. But i am going to brush it off and continue what i do. I enjoy bonding with my besties and cosplaying with them. It's a hobby and something i do for fun. Not as a career or for fame. I dont expect everyone to love seeing their comic artist's irl face/cosplays. But i like sharing my fun pictures and cosplays nonetheless and if you also enjoy it, then yay thankyou! if not, thats fine. My comics are not going away, i will still post them. Just try to scroll past and look at my art instead.

also I have been treating tumblr as a little diary because I feel more open and vulnerable here so I also do apologize if I tend to be TMI or i post my ranty stuff here. I appreciate the warm and cozy atmosphere on this site XD

anyways, thats it for now. I think I'll continue resting for a bit, I'm still stressed out from last night but I will take it easy on myself. I am attending a con this weekend (and cosplaying there) so It will help get my mind off that horrible instagram dm. I blocked that person too. Thankyou again everyone! I'm sorry if you've read the whole thing XD but I appreciate you taking the time to do so!

[skeedelvee]

Carry On Countdown Day 10 - Dinner

For this year's COC I've decided to put together daily fic rec lists! Let me know if you find any new favorite reads from these <3

For todays prompt I've gone with fics that prominently feature a meal or food

Lemon Blueberry Shortbread by @aristocratic-otter and @letraspal

Rated G, 2,912 words

Two afternoons of learning to cook a family recipe, thirty years apart.

Good to You by @otherworldsivelivedin

Rated E, 11,032 words

Simon has decided to treat Baz to a sophisticated meal for Valentine’s day; but, when they get there, they find they're more interested in each other than the food.

Goodbye, Goodbye, Goodbye by @facewithoutheart

Rated M, 588 words

(I'm counting this because it relates to the family dinner in Snow for Christmas)

Malcolm goes into the kitchen to grab more champagne and gets more than he expected.

Domesticity by @bloodiedpixie

Rated T, 743 words

Baz tries to make dinner for Simon.

If I Fell In Love With You by @bazzybelle

Rated T, 4,417 words

This is ridiculous… I am being utterly ridiculous. I am a ridiculous, romantic fool, who has gone completely soft for a walking disaster with bright blue eyes and soft bronze curls. On a crisp, fresh, October evening, Baz decides to surprise Simon with a romantic dinner and something extra special for him. For no reason, other than he wants to find a way to show Simon just how much he loves and cares about him, and this is really the only way that makes sense to him. Takes place after Carry On, but before Wayward Son.

Love Season by @krisrix

Rated E, 3,922 words

It’s Valentine’s Day. Which is not something I’ve put any thought into since Agatha and I broke up. I realize that makes me even more of a terrible boyfriend to Baz than I already am... Except, well, maybe not as terrible any more, given we do actually have plans for the holiday for once. They’re Baz’s plans—still, I agreed, so that’s progress. Even Baz asking at all is progress.

Take a Walk on the Wild Slice by @youarenevertooold and @that-disabled-princess

Rated T, 20,302 words

It's almost time to be heading back to school for their final year at Watford. Dev & Niall drag Baz off for a night out at a new pizza place as a treat, because it has, according to the internet, a Very Hot Mascot. Meanwhile, Simon has managed to find himself a job to while away the tedious hours of summer. It's not ideal, but fortunately no-one from school will ever see him dressed as a ridiculous slice of pizza. Right? Pizza, pining, and plotting ensue; all combined with a healthy side serving of friends helping you realise what's actually important.

crisp and sweet by @mostlymaudlin

Rated T, 4,134 words

The White Mountains are almost as far from Las Vegas as you can get in the United States. That’s comforting to me. I don’t think I could keep up our no-murder streak if I ran into the King of the Vampires again. In her travel diary, my grandmother described the town of Conway, New Hampshire in October as “bloody picturesque,” and she was right. We’re surrounded by deep reds and golds, kind of like the desert of the American West. But instead of feeling like we’re surrounded by flames, it’s more like being bathed in gentle candlelight. - Five years after the events of AWTWB, Simon and Baz return to North America with one mission: to peep some leaves.

Straight Boy by @bazypitchandsimonsnow

Rated M, 30,804 words

Simon Salisbury is totally straight...but there's this guy... Based on "request kiss" request.

Too full to hunt by anonymous

Rated M, 2,167 words

*THIS IS A BELLY STUFFING FIC* *DO NOT READ IF YOU'RE NOT INTO THAT* This takes place right after one of the last scenes of awtwb. "Simon." "Hmm?" He hums cutting another spoonful of cake. "I'm very full." "Do you want me to stop?" He asks as he puts the spoon in front of my mouth. I don't have to take it. I know he would stop if I told him to but his gaze is on my lips and his pupils are bigger than usual. Simon with a stuffing belly kink, wow, so shocking

If you have any recs that fit the prompt that I've missed, feel free to leave them in the comments! There's plenty of gaps in my reading so there's a good chance I may not have read it

Also I've had a hard time finding if some people are here on Tumblr, so if you know someone who hasn't been tagged, feel free to leave that in the comments as well <3

@carryon-countdown

[honeysuckleharringtons]

You are invited to:

Hello, lovely people of the internet! I promise I am not dead, just been going through some things lol. On a happier note though, I am so excited to share this little thing with you all!

Idk why but like a week ago I just randomly decided "hey, what better way to celebrate summer than by writing about a certain bat wielding bisexual who takes up every crevice of my mind?" and thus...

IT'S TIME FOR SUMMER CAMP!

The Main Attractions:

Happy Camper - fluff requests

Looking to cuddle with your muse by the fire? Then look no further than "Happy Camper"!

Bow and Arrow - angst requests

Maybe you're looking for something a bit more ouchie? If so, "Bow and Arrow" is right up your alley!

Dear Diary - headcanon requests

Want a quick summer read that's short, sweet, and to the point? Just ask for "Dear Diary"!

I Want S'more:

Cabin Fever - domestic!au

Wanting to spend the day at your vacation home with your muse? Then "Cabin Fever" is the way to go!

Counselors' Lounge - work!au

Do you love a good colleagues to lovers moment? You should ask for "Counselors' Lounge"!

Talent Show - celebrity!au

Have you or your muse always wanted to be a rockstar? Then look no further than "Talent Show"!

Macaroni Necklaces - royalty!au

Perhaps you've always wanted to be treated like the queen you are? Well, "Macaroni Necklaces" should be just right for you!

"Ghost Stories" - fantasy!au

Looking to add a supernatural flare to your blurb? Just ask for "Ghost Stories"!

Past Universes I'm Happy to Write for Again:

Single Dad!Steve

Brew and Me!Steve

Cat Dad!Eddie

Star Boy!Billy

Any other fics you'd like to see spin-offs of, really!

The Rules:

🎒 This event will run through until July 31st! - okay, so the flyer is a bit misleading... but i promise, August will have something just as exciting as this event!

🎒 Send asks to designated blogs! - i think it goes without saying this is a courtesy to me so i don't get posts confused. but if you have any questions about my other blogs, or really anything related to requests, be sure to check my pinned post or just ask me!

🎒 Please be respectful to the blogger and to others! - remember to use your noggin when putting in requests! treat people with kindness always!

🎒 Please be understanding when putting in requests! - i am simply one person who has ebbs and flows in life. while i try to get to everything in a timely manner, i do get overwhelmed sometimes. please be courteous and gracious when putting in requests. i promise i see all of you and try to get to everything as quickly as i can!

Thank you all so much for bearing with me these past few months! I know there are things you're all still waiting (cough cough, B&M ending) but I am thankful that you've all been very patient. I am so thankful for each and every single of you. I wish you all a very happy summer! ⛵️🧡

mutuals! feel free to spread the word if you'd like! no pressure as always! ❤️

@dungeons-are-too-cold @writer-in-theory @rupsmorge @serenity-lattes @stevesmunsons @appocalipse @reputationmunson @sadgirlml @gay-prentiss

dividers: @strangergraphics

[lulu-spooks]

Getting sad on the blog again but you know what this is my blog I can be sad when I want. Time for a little vent. Except it got quite long and is now rather organised. Does this count as a vent. I did paragraphs.

I have always had an impeccable memory for my past. I’m not so good with short term stuff like remembering the order of a recipe or a which clothes my brother wants put in the washing machine but I’ve always had an excellent memory for my childhood. There is very little I value more than my memory. I remember crawling on my grandmas kitchen floor and I remember every game I played in pre-school. I can tell you about the day I learned the word friendship and thought it must be some kind of boat.

The grey areas, the ones where memories disappear most often, are the times when my mum hurt me. Physically, emotionally, the times when she degraded me in public, online, to her friends, to my friends, to my teachers, to my doctor. I have vague recollections that these things happened but sometimes I don’t remember the circumstances or the words that were said. I mostly just remember crying. And when the tears stopped I just remember the numb feeling. Or texting my dad to come help me.

I started writing it down eventually. But I was conscious that a diary was never safe. She’d read my diary before, tore out some pages and I’d found them in her closet. But I wrote it down anyway and I eventually came up with a list of 20 things I knew for certain she had done to remind me that I wasn’t crazy every time she backed me into a corner or called me names. That list kept me sane.

I’ve read again and again that it’s my brain trying to protect me when I forget things. I think it would have been more useful for me to remember them. Because when she kicked me out It took only a few days for me to question if I’d chosen to leave. It never made it better that I was the only one she treated like this. My siblings lived in a battlefield of a house but at least they were on the winning side.

She’s nice to me now. She’s happier. I go round every month or so. I listen to her talk about the job she hates, the jokes her internet friends make (she lost a lot of her real-life friends when they found out what she did to me. There are small wins in every situation) and I usually make her a chilli or a banana bread. She still requests I make them out of the most expensive ingredients but insists I pay. We have a largely positive acquaintance relationship. She must have figured out by now that I visit to see my cat, not her. She keeps talking about how I need to spend more quality time with her. She has never come to see me in Wales even once.

I know she was having a rough time when I was a teenager. It doesn’t excuse the things she did. But I think it must have been harder to be her than be around her. I won’t lie and say that I don’t see the old her peaking out sometimes. When I’m at her house and I load the dishwasher wrong or I spend too long on the sofa I can sense something in her voice that made my teenage years a misery. It’s not like I really remember the voice but I can feel it in my arms and legs. It’s like my body remembers what used to happen in this house but my brain can’t quite figure it out why I’m scared.

It’s been odd these past two years, not feeling that at all. I come home and I’m not in trouble for something I didn’t do. I can spend all evening on the sofa if I want. My room is allowed to be messy. My house is cold. It gets damp, the shower is a piece of crap, the oven barely works, and there are literal holes in the ceiling. And it’s the best place I’ve ever been.

It doesn’t stop me questioning wether it would be good to move back. Which is stupid. But part of me still wants to get on my knees and beg for forgiveness. Which is why I have particular beef with my brain. It made me forget all that to protect me, so that I’d want to go back immediately. What could possibly be the reason for that. I can only liken it to the feeling of standing on a cliff edge and getting the unshakeable urge to jump. And the brain gets so wrapped up in itself that your limbs have to take over and drag you back from the edge.

I owe a lot to my muscle memory. It’s the one thing that has consistently served me well in these situations. When I was 17 I begged my mum for a hug because it had been so many years since she’d hugged me last. And she did. And my body has never forgotten how cold that hug was. I can still feel it now. I don’t remember much of the conversation that preceded it. But that is the only hug I can remember from my mum since I was 5.

I think that tells me everything I should consider before I move back.

[youmakethelight]

Watching the reactions to tboc is actually whiplash.

My tl is the most contrasting mix of bad emotions about out of character dialogue, another stupid thing one of the male EPs said, daryl treating carol like shit, and then blushing and swooning over the reunion and how right the world is that they're together again.

Almost all the good vibes I could have got from the reunion are sucked out by 99% of the rest of the show. I wasn't even that impressed with the reunion, honestly. I wanted more. The camera angle was off, I didn't see daryl's hand on carol's head, the music was off, and it faded out too quick to the worst acting I've ever seen from Norman, going "nonono" running towards dying isabelle. Like, wow. Way to IMMEDIATELY take daryl away again. Who WAS that?

For almost a whole day, I was feeling a bit better, seeing everyone's reactions to episode 4. But now I feel shitter than I did before. Like the reunion did NOT have that much impact on me - how did it for y'all? I'm jealous.

Episode 4 was literally 1 step forward 5 steps back the whole way through. The good doesn't outweigh the bad at all. The "you're too much" scene is starting to annoy me. I mean.. it was funny, but considering daryl still hasn't shown any real appreciation or care for carol yet, I wasn't in love with him being so grumpy with her (also directly after the barn scene, like wtf?). But it's more annoying bc it's feeling overhyped at this point. Like, there's like 4 nice scenes in episode 4 that I'm seeing over and over, and at this point, all it's doing is reminding me that that's all we have. The rest is bad.

At least when pretty much the whole thing is so bad that 99% of the response is negative, it feels like AMC might actually be forced to do something about it. This way, it just feels like they're keeping us fed with crumbs so that they can get away with keeping the rest of it a pile of shit.

And all I remember about episode 5 is that it made me feel worse. I just remember feeling like Carol felt like a spare part, and it made me feel like shit. For 2 seconds, I got to see her enjoying looking around where she was in Paris, and then Daryl is being grumpy with her again. Like holy shit. And I can't even be bothered to make a joke about it, bc it isn't funny. When I first saw the screeners' reviews and the negative speculation, I really didn't think it would be as bad as I imagined it could be, but it is.

And I'm just scared people on sm are just going to be so happy that they're together again, that any issues with it are going to get swept under the carpet (and then perpetuated into the next season). And my feelings are going to feel totally invalidated. Like ok I can kiss goodbye to any hope that I'll ever feel like im seeing my favourite characters on screen again bc AMC doesn't think it needs to change anything. 🙃🙂🙃

I am not trying to say that people shouldn't be finding joy where they can get it. This is all AMC and a bunch of men in charge, NOT fans. I'm just feeling shit about it all, and idk, oversharing on the internet and treating tumblr like my personal diary is my coping mechanism now ig.

I just hate it here.

[jedibinx]

Please feel free to pass on by this one I'm using my blog as a diary again because my brain is overloaded and overwhelmed lol and maybe someone else feels like this too and can see they aren't alone :)

Remember when we had to wait for our favourite magazine to come out to hear about our favourite band's upcoming movements and songs and gigs etc?

Remember when we had to wait up until 11.30pm watching the music video channels just to see the music video of our favourite song?

Remember when an album release was a HUGE deal and there was MONTHS of build up and hype and then when it finally got released we had to wait for it to get delivered so we could listen to the CD?

Remember when we were able to rock up to gigs with our disposable cameras, take some shitty pictures we had no clue how they looked and then we would have the best time of our lives and have MEMORIES WE WOULD HAVE TO REMEMBER?

Remember when our favourite artists would post brief updates to their MySpace page and we would all be so grateful for that tiny bit of communication and not getting upset because they weren't posting every day?

Remember when you were allowed to find out news about your favourite band in your own time and nobody would think of you as 'out of touch' if you didn't immediately know the latest stuff?

Remember when you could enjoy your favourite band or actor or artist without people constantly demanding more and more and more from them?

Remember when your favourite celebrity was allowed to be human and make mistakes and be imperfect and not necessarily hold the same life standards as you but were still loved and treated like a human being without being torn apart one second for one thing then praised by the same people for another thing three days later?

Remember when we went to gigs and if we didn't go we would sit with those that did and listen to their amazing experience instead of seeing it through a live stream and taking away the necessity for such human interaction?

Remember when YouTube didn't have ads? When you used to spend time talking on a landline phone, stuck in one spot because of the cord? When you'd sit in a park with friends until 2am just talking and laughing? When the news was only on the TV, where there was only 5 channels, the radio was where you would bootleg your music from by recording them onto tapes, and when you got home and wanted to relax and get away from people and the world and everything going on around you, you just... Could?

Remember... the simpler times?

I guess my whole point is that, apart from feeling overwhelmed with the fast paced world right now, with the speed of the internet and social media has made the world a reactionary place and I guess I just want to remind the world that it's okay to go at your own pace and enjoy what you enjoy and love what you love but also remember that the people who we love are just that - people. With feelings and emotions and thoughts and it's okay. We're all human beings and the dance with life will become much easier if we learn to soften and lean into it a little. We can be what we once were.

Stay beautiful friends 💚🖤💜

[dr-spectre]

Oh that last post is perfect timing for this question lol. A friend of mine mentioned that it'd be cool if they brought back Shifty Station back for the Grand Festival. So my question for you, oh cool dude on the internet, do you have a favorite Shifty Station map and/or which ones would you like to see again if they had the balls to actually bring them back

Honestly it's very hard for me to pick a single favourite one because i haven't played those shifty stations since they came out. I haven't even went back to them in private battles. So i just looked through inkipedia to see which ones i remember liking.

So first we got Zone of Glass.

This had the invisible platforms on it and i think this was my first ever shifty station. I think! I don't remember! I think Action vs Comedy was my first ever Splatfest so that's why i think this is the very first one i played on.

Then we got Cannon Fire Pearl.

Being able to use Ink cannons in multiplayer was awesome. That's all i gotta say really, it's just a cool gimmick.

Then we got The Bunker Games.

This is just a sick concept, being trapped in a dome as you battle in a small space. That's fire, i love it.

Then we have Grapplink Girl.

I like the grapples and it was fun to zip around from my vague memory lmao.

Sweet Valley Tentacles.

Squid vs Octopus was a crazy Splatfest in hindsight huh? It was a full on race war.... And they just treated it like a silly little competition... Man, Inklings and Octolings are fucking crazy and so unserious HAHAHAHA!

Railway Chillin'

Listen, I'm a Sonic the Hedgehog fan, grind rails make anything 100x better idc.

Gusher Towns.

I like gushers, they are just fun to climb up and reach new areas. Also... the jokes write themselves about gushers... not gonna elaborate, but look at the ink colour....

The Maze Dasher.

I LOVE DASH PANELS! THEY ARE SO FUN! WOOO!!!!!!!

Bridge to Tentaswitchia.

I LOOOOVEEEE THIS ONE! I love how you can see the enemy team on the other side of the map, i love the gimmick of having to ink enough on a surface before it eventually goes behind glass. It's so cool, love it.

The Chronicles of Rolonium.

I mean there's something so satisfying about chucking these giant ass things at enemies and splatting them. There's this primal satisfaction to it... I can't put my finger on it....

MC. Princess Diaries.

I mean come on. I don't even need to explain why this one is so good. You already know! YOU ALREADY KNOW!

Anyways that was my ramble about Shifty Stations, i love the vibes of them and i want them to COME BACK NOW!!!! IF WE DON'T GET AN ORIGINAL SPLATFEST STAGE FOR SPLATOON 3 GRAND FEST I WILL ACTUALLY MURDER SOMEONE! I WANNA PLAY IN THE CRATER! PLEASE! LET THE FINALE OF SPLATOON 3 BE CLIMATIC AS ALL HELL! DO IT NINTENDO!!!!! ROARRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!

Also by the way... look at the Shifty Stations on Inkipedia, their names are actually references to stuff! Really fun read, go check it out!

[zoes-pov]

welcome to my blog!

hello, my name is zoe and i’m (almost) 22 years old. i’ve wanted to start a blog for a while now, and i’ve missed tumblr, so i thought this was a good place to start. my goal is to have somewhere i can journal, share stories i write, recipes i try, things i wear, places i go. in a sense i’d like to treat this blog like a digital diary, somewhere to show others and remind myself how i live my life. i’d like to start by introducing myself a little bit.

i live in dallas, tx. i’ve been in the area my whole life, but someday i hope to move somewhere a bit more scenic like colorado or oregon.

i love to read, i’ve picked the habit back up in the last year or so and i’m so glad i did. i used to fly though books when i was a kid.

i love movies, i prefer them to tv shows most of the time. some of my favorites are the perks of being a wallflower, the butterfly effect, donnie darko. i really enjoy the twilight series as well, the books and the movies. (team edward <3)

i enjoy cooking, but i actually didn’t really start learning until i was about 20. my boyfriend taught me, he’s a great cook. (:

i like to be creative in any way i can, whether it’s through writing, painting, crafting. anything i can create i really love to do. i hope to be able to share some of that on here as well.

i have a full time job, but i plan on going to college online for my english degree soon. school was never my thing, but now that i’m seeing all my friends graduate college at the same time i would’ve been if i had gone, i feel like i’m missing out a little bit.

i used to really love music, i still enjoy it a lot, but i find myself listening to podcasts most days now lol. my staple genres though are usually indie, alternative, rock. anything that makes me feel like an angsty 15 year old again, i’m all over it.

i’m looking forward to posting on here. i’ve always wanted an outlet to post things on the internet, but never really wanted to be an “influencer” or anything like that, so i hope this blog is a great way for me to do that. i want to be real and raw about life, the slow & mundane parts, the fast & exciting parts, i want to share my experiences about it all. i hope that if anyone does read this blog, they find something relatable or entertaining, or at the very least a distraction from whatever may be going on in their own lives.

so, without further ado, welcome to my blog. i hope you enjoy things from zoe’s point of view.

[dreamswillbeyourwintermeat]

If I go to sleep now I can play rimworld tomorrow and ignore my family all day

[dailykafka]

Like your blog and how you expose the humanity of such a well-known writer. On the other hand, I kinda fear that this focus on the relatability of Kafka’s diaries somewhat takes attention away from his actual literary work, that it contributes to the common trend on social media where people only engage with literature to see themselves and are not interested in empathising with other perspectives or learning about the literary craft or historical context behind the words.

Do you ever think about that?

First, thank you. Second, prepare for a little essay😃.

I completely understand what you mean and I have thought about how my blog shapes people's perception of Franz Kafka (and generally how blogs dedicated to real people could shape other's perception about these people) but at the same time my blog has no educational purpose. What I mean by this is that I don't claim that my blog is here to popularize Franz Kafka (though I recognize my impact), that is not why I created the blog and it should not be taken as such.

There has definitely been an increased interest in Franz Kafka and with that, there have also been more people who misunderstand him, his writing, etc. But I don't think just because I run a blog about a certain individual (who happens to be popular at this time), I somehow have a responsibility to give as precise portrayal of that individual as possible. I think people should understand that the internet is not a place to fully learn something (especially on platforms that don't claim to be educational). If people like Kafka they should also go out of their way and actually read what he writes and not reduce him to "that relatable man".

But at the same time I think we are looking at this a bit more seriously than it needs to be - authors have been popular for their letters/diaries for ages, authors have been misinterpreted and misunderstood for ages (and have been popular as a result of misinterpretation e.g. Camus/Nietzsche) but that does not mean the "core" of the author is lost.

I also feel sad sometimes when I see how people treat Kafka but I realize that this is not something that can harm his image. There have always been people who have engaged with certain things at surface level (this does not mean we should judge them. people engage with some things more deeply and some - less, it's normal) and Kafka is not an exception.

It might seem that Kafka's works are "sidelined" compared to his diaries but I have known Kafka through his works (literally discovered his diaries after I got more interested in him/his life) and people (maybe not gen z yet but older ones) have known him for his works. He is a writer first and "some dude with a diary" second.

I think what is happening now (on tumblr or on tiktok) is a consequence of a larger trend on social media - rising anti-intellectualism and superficial relationships with works of literature. Kafka's "newfound" fame just coincided with this trend and it makes us feel as if Kafka is being "rebranded" to be more relatable. But in all this situation, once again, it is important to realize that while you can be influenced by given information on the internet, you shouldn't base your judgment only on that information and you should learn more with actual books/articles etc.

I try as much as possible to show "authentic" Kafka but still how I (or anyone else) might portray Kafka should not be taken at face value. At the end people should do their own research.

[imightgetbetter]

this will probably be quite long-winded so i'm going to put it under a read more. this has nothing to do with matty or the band, it's my other favorite artists, but i just can't talk about this on my main blog because i fear the people i am talking about will find it and harass me and talk shit about me for weeks again (this happened after an anon mistake and a bit of an impulse decision back a few years ago and i hated my life and almost deleted my blog because of it) so i trust that this will stay between us (as much as it can on the internet)

so my main blog is a primarily harry styles/niall horan blog with a whole bunch of my shitty diary posts and things i think are silly. it started with niall and harry writing and then when niall went on hiatus after his last album it became a primarily harry blog because i wrote my biggest story in the height of the pandemic and it gained a lot of traction during quarantine. in that height, someone started talking shit about niall and i went to his defence as any lonesome teenager does and it backfired on me gravely and this group of harry styles blogs that think they're very popular and cool harassed me about it. it was awful for weeks. i basically couldn't go online without having a panic attack. anyways, it's that same group.

all they do is talk about how much they think niall is a copy and paste of harry or that he isn't marketable or that he can't pick singles or that he pushes his streams and charts too much. all while claiming they don't care about him and hate him or whatever. they say all these things that simply aren't true. harry didn't "create" marketing campaigns on websites, neither did niall! however, niall's last album was marketed through a website and videos everyday and all this. harry isn't original in his techniques, the difference is that his following is so insane that they will do every single marketing thing for him. he doesn't need a team of people to do it. these fans are so insane that they are doing a job that people get paid to do. niall does his job! that's why he's telling people to stream and whatnot.

niall's songwriting is miles and miles better than harry's, but because of the way they think harry is the best at everything, they don't recognize that. niall started working with amy allen (a writer harry worked with on his last album) nearly six years ago, maybe even seven. she co-wrote my favorite niall horan song, to this day. like, they saw amy allen and tobias jesso jr and freaked out that niall was copying harry, as if niall isn't also a songwriter in the industry. like .. i genuinely am so sick of this conversation! (i also would compare niall's songwriting in depth and meaning to matty's, which is why i love it so much)

it's also very fucking annoying that harry stans have created this whole culture around going to concerts and liking artists that is so toxic and annoying that i can't stand it. like, half of the people at niall's pop up shop today weren't even singing his songs, they were singing the harry songs that were on the playlist. or the way all these harry stans are suddenly talking about niall on tiktok to get clout or merch or whatever it is. i've literally been a niall fan or whatever since the very beginning of one direction, i followed him on tour way back when, he's the reason i love live music and want to work in touring. i love harry, i do, i've gone to his shows plenty of times and talk about him and have a blog and a story, i'm not saying anything bad really about him, but it's so frustrating to see how people treat other artists just compared to harry styles and i literally am getting so annoyed every day.

okay i think i'm done. like i said .. this is between you and me and god.

[idliketobeatree]

So I originally wasn't planning on responding to that, but because I feel like several boundaries have been crossed here, and I don't want a repeat performance, I have to say something.

Please don't do that.

Tumblr is a social platform even if you treat your blog like a personal diary, people can and will see what you're posting, especially if it's done under an art post. I can see people's reblogs. I also read the tags because I love to talk in the tags myself. And this addition felt like a punch to the face, because it not only has nothing to do with "some payneland art" (that I put hours of my free time into creating out of love for the show), it's also harmful and inappropriate in a way that I wouldn't wish to be associated with.

Once again, Tumblr is not your private chat or a discord group. It's a public space. A local and small one, but with the potential to reach further than that. And if you have anything bad to say about the art, any kind of art from this fandom or otherwise, or any of the characters that the poster has clearly grown to love — do not treat them this way. At least, Christ, not so I can see it, keep it in your private messages. I personally don't find it cute or quirky to hear anyone, fictional or in real life, being called "a bisexual fuckface", being threatened with an iron cane and the f-slur. Would you say that to my face?

And by the way, that's not what reclaiming means, using a slur offensively towards others is not eradicated by putting up a disclaimer.

What I ask all for is to please remember the basics of internet etiquette. That when you put a post of someone else's on your blog, it's still their original post. They don't control what you do with it, but you have the means to be encouraging and kind if you see something you like. You can also treat it like a plaything, but then just know that there's a high chance the author will see it. If it's a stranger, don't say anything you wouldn't say to a regular stranger. Simple as that. Thank you.

merry crystal (jingle bells, if you will) to my fave kiss i drew this year in particular ‧₊°🎄✩₊°🦌⊹♡

+ a special shotout to brilliant @dear-monday who said "just thought about edwin hooking one finger into the ribbon and pulling him in for a kiss" and i went wait, i do have something just like that

[zoejazzauthor]

Alright. I’ll say something a bit personal now. I kind of got used to not posting personal things on social media and just lurking for hours looking at other people’s posts. I don’t really know why. The internet is addictive.

So now I want to use social media as a promotional tool for my writing, but I also want it to be personal, and to express myself, and I’ve been not speaking on social media for so long that it feels a little bit wrong?

So it’ll be a big change since what I’ve written, am editing, and will soon publish can debatably be described as a poetic memoir, or something like it, and it is incredibly, deeply personal. It’s kind of terrifying. But I’ve also decided, it needs to happen. I’ve felt like it’s needed to happen for the years I’ve been writing it, and, it’s very weird for me to comprehend that people are going to see it. It kind of feels like publishing a diary, but worse? I’m being vague, but I have something important to say with it.

How does one get used to posting on social media again? Especially when they’re trying to promote their creative work. Yet I also feel that trying to “be your own brand” has made social media much, much more impersonal. And overall, it’s just worse. Social media is so much worse than when I was a kid, and it wasn’t super great back then either. Social media is kind of hell, but it’s an addictive kind of hell, like what I imagine heroin would be (you can obviously tell with that comparison that I have not and will not use heroin).

How to promote oneself on social media without feeling like I’m selling my soul. That’s the question.

I’m not being super productive today, I’m incredibly sleepy for reasons I’m not certain of. If you read this whole post, you should give yourself a little treat.

[mortilith-parade]

Dear internet diary

It's been awhile since I've done this. Just write how I feel with no real plan or goal. A fucking vomit shit storm of the mess that's happening in my head. Last time I did this I was 16 I think. I think I started out trying to write a suicide note before it turned into a angry storm of everything that is happening in my head.

I look back on life. I'm 23 now. Weird I somehow never thought I would make it but also thought 23 was achievable at the same time. I am in debt. So much debt for a degrees that are either useless or are looked down upon and spat on by not only people but the government when they decide how much they should pay me.

I look at world and once I thought that we could change it. Turn it around and make positive changes if we all just worked from the bottom up. But now I can barely afford to live. Butter is 5 bucks. I've been living on plain crackers and instant noodles and even then I feel selfish to complain cause I know there's people worse off.

Statistically if we just look at historical trends everything that is happening is over due. But by saying that shouldn't we as a society learnt by now to to prevent such things from happening again. I try to distract myself with pointless videos of cats or I try to drown out my own screaming thoughts with robotic Reddit videos but that never works. A video that smashes me back into reality will always pop back up on my feed.

I'm aware how selfish I am. How selfish I am becoming. I am pushing away those that I love with it. I'm also holding on to people I know don't care about me, or treat me well because I am afraid to be alone. I don't want to kill myself. I am confident of that. However I also feel like I wouldn't be upset if one day I just didn't wake up. I don't want to die but I find myself relying on old self harm replacement tips that I used to do on loop as a teen. Eating sour candy till my brain goes tingly, scrubbing on my hand, counting back from 100.

Im 23 shouldn't I be happy. Or if not happy at least content. Shouldn't I be able to at least fake it till I make it. I know people don't like me, and this isn't some depression paranoia. I know. I've heard it. I'm not so delusional that I don't see the looks between people when I say something, or the laughter when I leave. However as I write this I am just realising that it does sound like God damn paranoia.

Fuck. Maybe I am.

Five years of being in this town that I honestly hate and I don't have anything to show for it. Nothing. Except having to stay here for god knows how much longer. I was asked why I get so angry recently. My brain just skittered and shook with different flashes of reasons.

The fact that I hate the direction of my country

The fact money, or rather the lack of has made me turn down a once and a lifetime dream opportunity

The fact the man who assaulted me still walks around town

And the fact his face still makes me break down into a panic attack

The fact I don't really trust anyone to be honest with

I couldn't respond to them. I think I laughed it off but then I got home and had to cover my mirror.

I used to end these ranting posts with a quote. But I used to read for fun more back then. Instead I will just end it as the words stop pouring out .

[loldasme]

whenever i get the urge to post some shit to my insta story i IMMEDIATELY go nope nope cringe because last time i posted shit i was mentally unwell like... i was manic af babes so now whenever i post shit i'm afraid ppl are gonna think i'm going banana bonkers again AAAHHGHH why can't i treat the internet like my personal diary like every other idiot???