#treating the internet like my diary again

[dreamswillbeyourwintermeat]

11.23.2023 2

I was going to say I understand

I understand why I'm no one's favorite

No one's priority.

I'm prickly, I'm defensive, self-absorbed, absent-minded, and a dozen other things that make me a challenge.

But you know what.

I don't understand.

Maybe I am all of that

Maybe i am hard to love.

I am.

But.

Maybe you're bad at loving people.

Maybe you're just not up to the challenge.

Maybe you just don't try hard enough, love hard enough.

Maybe that's a personal failing on your part.

[honeysuckleharringtons]

You are invited to:

Hello, lovely people of the internet! I promise I am not dead, just been going through some things lol. On a happier note though, I am so excited to share this little thing with you all!

Idk why but like a week ago I just randomly decided "hey, what better way to celebrate summer than by writing about a certain bat wielding bisexual who takes up every crevice of my mind?" and thus...

IT'S TIME FOR SUMMER CAMP!

The Main Attractions:

Happy Camper - fluff requests

Looking to cuddle with your muse by the fire? Then look no further than "Happy Camper"!

Bow and Arrow - angst requests

Maybe you're looking for something a bit more ouchie? If so, "Bow and Arrow" is right up your alley!

Dear Diary - headcanon requests

Want a quick summer read that's short, sweet, and to the point? Just ask for "Dear Diary"!

I Want S'more:

Cabin Fever - domestic!au

Wanting to spend the day at your vacation home with your muse? Then "Cabin Fever" is the way to go!

Counselors' Lounge - work!au

Do you love a good colleagues to lovers moment? You should ask for "Counselors' Lounge"!

Talent Show - celebrity!au

Have you or your muse always wanted to be a rockstar? Then look no further than "Talent Show"!

Macaroni Necklaces - royalty!au

Perhaps you've always wanted to be treated like the queen you are? Well, "Macaroni Necklaces" should be just right for you!

"Ghost Stories" - fantasy!au

Looking to add a supernatural flare to your blurb? Just ask for "Ghost Stories"!

Past Universes I'm Happy to Write for Again:

Single Dad!Steve

Brew and Me!Steve

Cat Dad!Eddie

Star Boy!Billy

Any other fics you'd like to see spin-offs of, really!

The Rules:

🎒 This event will run through until July 31st! - okay, so the flyer is a bit misleading... but i promise, August will have something just as exciting as this event!

🎒 Send asks to designated blogs! - i think it goes without saying this is a courtesy to me so i don't get posts confused. but if you have any questions about my other blogs, or really anything related to requests, be sure to check my pinned post or just ask me!

🎒 Please be respectful to the blogger and to others! - remember to use your noggin when putting in requests! treat people with kindness always!

🎒 Please be understanding when putting in requests! - i am simply one person who has ebbs and flows in life. while i try to get to everything in a timely manner, i do get overwhelmed sometimes. please be courteous and gracious when putting in requests. i promise i see all of you and try to get to everything as quickly as i can!

Thank you all so much for bearing with me these past few months! I know there are things you're all still waiting (cough cough, B&M ending) but I am thankful that you've all been very patient. I am so thankful for each and every single of you. I wish you all a very happy summer! ⛵️🧡

mutuals! feel free to spread the word if you'd like! no pressure as always! ❤️

@dungeons-are-too-cold @writer-in-theory @rupsmorge @serenity-lattes @stevesmunsons @appocalipse @reputationmunson @sadgirlml @gay-prentiss

dividers: @strangergraphics

[youmakethelight]

Watching the reactions to tboc is actually whiplash.

My tl is the most contrasting mix of bad emotions about out of character dialogue, another stupid thing one of the male EPs said, daryl treating carol like shit, and then blushing and swooning over the reunion and how right the world is that they're together again.

Almost all the good vibes I could have got from the reunion are sucked out by 99% of the rest of the show. I wasn't even that impressed with the reunion, honestly. I wanted more. The camera angle was off, I didn't see daryl's hand on carol's head, the music was off, and it faded out too quick to the worst acting I've ever seen from Norman, going "nonono" running towards dying isabelle. Like, wow. Way to IMMEDIATELY take daryl away again. Who WAS that?

For almost a whole day, I was feeling a bit better, seeing everyone's reactions to episode 4. But now I feel shitter than I did before. Like the reunion did NOT have that much impact on me - how did it for y'all? I'm jealous.

Episode 4 was literally 1 step forward 5 steps back the whole way through. The good doesn't outweigh the bad at all. The "you're too much" scene is starting to annoy me. I mean.. it was funny, but considering daryl still hasn't shown any real appreciation or care for carol yet, I wasn't in love with him being so grumpy with her (also directly after the barn scene, like wtf?). But it's more annoying bc it's feeling overhyped at this point. Like, there's like 4 nice scenes in episode 4 that I'm seeing over and over, and at this point, all it's doing is reminding me that that's all we have. The rest is bad.

At least when pretty much the whole thing is so bad that 99% of the response is negative, it feels like AMC might actually be forced to do something about it. This way, it just feels like they're keeping us fed with crumbs so that they can get away with keeping the rest of it a pile of shit.

And all I remember about episode 5 is that it made me feel worse. I just remember feeling like Carol felt like a spare part, and it made me feel like shit. For 2 seconds, I got to see her enjoying looking around where she was in Paris, and then Daryl is being grumpy with her again. Like holy shit. And I can't even be bothered to make a joke about it, bc it isn't funny. When I first saw the screeners' reviews and the negative speculation, I really didn't think it would be as bad as I imagined it could be, but it is.

And I'm just scared people on sm are just going to be so happy that they're together again, that any issues with it are going to get swept under the carpet (and then perpetuated into the next season). And my feelings are going to feel totally invalidated. Like ok I can kiss goodbye to any hope that I'll ever feel like im seeing my favourite characters on screen again bc AMC doesn't think it needs to change anything. 🙃🙂🙃

I am not trying to say that people shouldn't be finding joy where they can get it. This is all AMC and a bunch of men in charge, NOT fans. I'm just feeling shit about it all, and idk, oversharing on the internet and treating tumblr like my personal diary is my coping mechanism now ig.

I just hate it here.

[jedibinx]

Please feel free to pass on by this one I'm using my blog as a diary again because my brain is overloaded and overwhelmed lol and maybe someone else feels like this too and can see they aren't alone :)

Remember when we had to wait for our favourite magazine to come out to hear about our favourite band's upcoming movements and songs and gigs etc?

Remember when we had to wait up until 11.30pm watching the music video channels just to see the music video of our favourite song?

Remember when an album release was a HUGE deal and there was MONTHS of build up and hype and then when it finally got released we had to wait for it to get delivered so we could listen to the CD?

Remember when we were able to rock up to gigs with our disposable cameras, take some shitty pictures we had no clue how they looked and then we would have the best time of our lives and have MEMORIES WE WOULD HAVE TO REMEMBER?

Remember when our favourite artists would post brief updates to their MySpace page and we would all be so grateful for that tiny bit of communication and not getting upset because they weren't posting every day?

Remember when you were allowed to find out news about your favourite band in your own time and nobody would think of you as 'out of touch' if you didn't immediately know the latest stuff?

Remember when you could enjoy your favourite band or actor or artist without people constantly demanding more and more and more from them?

Remember when your favourite celebrity was allowed to be human and make mistakes and be imperfect and not necessarily hold the same life standards as you but were still loved and treated like a human being without being torn apart one second for one thing then praised by the same people for another thing three days later?

Remember when we went to gigs and if we didn't go we would sit with those that did and listen to their amazing experience instead of seeing it through a live stream and taking away the necessity for such human interaction?

Remember when YouTube didn't have ads? When you used to spend time talking on a landline phone, stuck in one spot because of the cord? When you'd sit in a park with friends until 2am just talking and laughing? When the news was only on the TV, where there was only 5 channels, the radio was where you would bootleg your music from by recording them onto tapes, and when you got home and wanted to relax and get away from people and the world and everything going on around you, you just... Could?

Remember... the simpler times?

I guess my whole point is that, apart from feeling overwhelmed with the fast paced world right now, with the speed of the internet and social media has made the world a reactionary place and I guess I just want to remind the world that it's okay to go at your own pace and enjoy what you enjoy and love what you love but also remember that the people who we love are just that - people. With feelings and emotions and thoughts and it's okay. We're all human beings and the dance with life will become much easier if we learn to soften and lean into it a little. We can be what we once were.

Stay beautiful friends 💚🖤💜

[dr-spectre]

Oh that last post is perfect timing for this question lol. A friend of mine mentioned that it'd be cool if they brought back Shifty Station back for the Grand Festival. So my question for you, oh cool dude on the internet, do you have a favorite Shifty Station map and/or which ones would you like to see again if they had the balls to actually bring them back

Honestly it's very hard for me to pick a single favourite one because i haven't played those shifty stations since they came out. I haven't even went back to them in private battles. So i just looked through inkipedia to see which ones i remember liking.

So first we got Zone of Glass.

This had the invisible platforms on it and i think this was my first ever shifty station. I think! I don't remember! I think Action vs Comedy was my first ever Splatfest so that's why i think this is the very first one i played on.

Then we got Cannon Fire Pearl.

Being able to use Ink cannons in multiplayer was awesome. That's all i gotta say really, it's just a cool gimmick.

Then we got The Bunker Games.

This is just a sick concept, being trapped in a dome as you battle in a small space. That's fire, i love it.

Then we have Grapplink Girl.

I like the grapples and it was fun to zip around from my vague memory lmao.

Sweet Valley Tentacles.

Squid vs Octopus was a crazy Splatfest in hindsight huh? It was a full on race war.... And they just treated it like a silly little competition... Man, Inklings and Octolings are fucking crazy and so unserious HAHAHAHA!

Railway Chillin'

Listen, I'm a Sonic the Hedgehog fan, grind rails make anything 100x better idc.

Gusher Towns.

I like gushers, they are just fun to climb up and reach new areas. Also... the jokes write themselves about gushers... not gonna elaborate, but look at the ink colour....

The Maze Dasher.

I LOVE DASH PANELS! THEY ARE SO FUN! WOOO!!!!!!!

Bridge to Tentaswitchia.

I LOOOOVEEEE THIS ONE! I love how you can see the enemy team on the other side of the map, i love the gimmick of having to ink enough on a surface before it eventually goes behind glass. It's so cool, love it.

The Chronicles of Rolonium.

I mean there's something so satisfying about chucking these giant ass things at enemies and splatting them. There's this primal satisfaction to it... I can't put my finger on it....

MC. Princess Diaries.

I mean come on. I don't even need to explain why this one is so good. You already know! YOU ALREADY KNOW!

Anyways that was my ramble about Shifty Stations, i love the vibes of them and i want them to COME BACK NOW!!!! IF WE DON'T GET AN ORIGINAL SPLATFEST STAGE FOR SPLATOON 3 GRAND FEST I WILL ACTUALLY MURDER SOMEONE! I WANNA PLAY IN THE CRATER! PLEASE! LET THE FINALE OF SPLATOON 3 BE CLIMATIC AS ALL HELL! DO IT NINTENDO!!!!! ROARRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!

Also by the way... look at the Shifty Stations on Inkipedia, their names are actually references to stuff! Really fun read, go check it out!

[rogerbarel]

fandom asks! 1, 3, 12 <3

1. What is the first fandom you were ever a part of?

I had done stuff like make OCs for Naruto before this, but I consider Kingdom Hearts my first fandom because I was so obsessed with it that I drove my middle school best friend riiiiiight up the wall. 😅 It was also the first thing I sought out communities for online when I was a preteen. I didn't talk much to people (and still get nervous trying to), but I liked to lurk on fanshrines, fanfiction sites, and forums. I wrote a couple fics myself that have long been purged from the Internet, kept what were basically Incorrect KH Quotes in my diary, and spent way too much time at school explaining why the hell I had a shirt that had both Donald Duck and an anime boy on it. The thing I wanted most in my life in middle school yet never got was an Axel plushie lol, and I still consider getting one occasionally to sate my inner child. I had a couple OCs--one meant to be shipped with Axel, another kind of with Larxene, and another just for the sake of having a Keyblade wielder of my own--but didn't do much with them. It'd be fun to remake them and find places in the universe for them now. They probably wouldn't be shipped w/ any canon characters since I don't have the urge to OC ship w/ KH nowadays, but who knows!

I've been a lifelong fan and tried to keep up with the games even when I wasn't able to play all of them. Knowing new KH games would come out in the future is something that's helped me through the hardest parts of my life. I will always be here for the ride!

3. All-time favorite pairing?

Okay, so. Hear me out. It's Kingdom Hearts again, but a ship that would be horrible for each other. They've only interacted a handful of times and canonically cannot stand each other. I'm picky about the ship because it doesn't work if you sand down the edges and make them nice to each other.

I have shipped Larxene and Demyx since I was twelve specifically because it would be awful for Demyx. I don't dislike him at all, quite the opposite. I just like to see cute men miserable, horny, and miserably horny at the hands of sadistic women. I also always liked the inherent sting and struggle in a pairing of lightning and water, how they would hurt each other even if they tried to earnestly communicate. She's too bitter; he's too flippant. Great angst fuel!

On a lighter note, I'm also a really big fan of Tokoyami/Aoyama from My Hero Academia. They're both dramatic weirdos and complement each other with their themes of light and darkness, and I got dragged into it by a friend who had the headcanon that Dark Shadow likes shiny things--and what's the shiniest thing in all of UA?

Lastly, if anybody brings up Anastasia and the baker (he doesn't even have a name 💀) from Cinderella II within a twenty mile radius of me I will start hooting and hollering. I've been rooting for them since the day I got the Cinderella II book as part of the Disney's Wonderful World of Reading program in first grade. Anastasia Tremaine deserves the world and also a cute man who will feed her the tastiest treats for the rest of her life.

12. Craziest thing you've ever done as part of a fandom?

Hmm, I feel like I'm a pretty tame person... Maybe giving one of my online friends my Obey Me login because I really needed inpatient psychiatric care for a couple days but that meant I wouldn't be able to grind for Leviathan's birthday card, which was at that point probably the only thing I was looking forward to in my life. Like I literally hesitated to take my ass to the hospital because I didn't wanna miss out on him. 😭 (This was a couple years ago. My mental health is a lot better nowadays!) (And yes I got the card lol, big shout-out to my friend you are the GOAT.)

Maybe the crying log also counts? I have a count (although it's inexact since I didn't start it until late June) of every time I cry over Roger because I think the combo of his dacryphilia and my tendency to tear up at the tiniest things is funny. One time I started crying because his wet arms are just so beautiful... Some of my friends receive occasional photographic proof when this happens. 😅

[dailykafka]

Like your blog and how you expose the humanity of such a well-known writer. On the other hand, I kinda fear that this focus on the relatability of Kafka’s diaries somewhat takes attention away from his actual literary work, that it contributes to the common trend on social media where people only engage with literature to see themselves and are not interested in empathising with other perspectives or learning about the literary craft or historical context behind the words.

Do you ever think about that?

First, thank you. Second, prepare for a little essay😃.

I completely understand what you mean and I have thought about how my blog shapes people's perception of Franz Kafka (and generally how blogs dedicated to real people could shape other's perception about these people) but at the same time my blog has no educational purpose. What I mean by this is that I don't claim that my blog is here to popularize Franz Kafka (though I recognize my impact), that is not why I created the blog and it should not be taken as such.

There has definitely been an increased interest in Franz Kafka and with that, there have also been more people who misunderstand him, his writing, etc. But I don't think just because I run a blog about a certain individual (who happens to be popular at this time), I somehow have a responsibility to give as precise portrayal of that individual as possible. I think people should understand that the internet is not a place to fully learn something (especially on platforms that don't claim to be educational). If people like Kafka they should also go out of their way and actually read what he writes and not reduce him to "that relatable man".

But at the same time I think we are looking at this a bit more seriously than it needs to be - authors have been popular for their letters/diaries for ages, authors have been misinterpreted and misunderstood for ages (and have been popular as a result of misinterpretation e.g. Camus/Nietzsche) but that does not mean the "core" of the author is lost.

I also feel sad sometimes when I see how people treat Kafka but I realize that this is not something that can harm his image. There have always been people who have engaged with certain things at surface level (this does not mean we should judge them. people engage with some things more deeply and some - less, it's normal) and Kafka is not an exception.

It might seem that Kafka's works are "sidelined" compared to his diaries but I have known Kafka through his works (literally discovered his diaries after I got more interested in him/his life) and people (maybe not gen z yet but older ones) have known him for his works. He is a writer first and "some dude with a diary" second.

I think what is happening now (on tumblr or on tiktok) is a consequence of a larger trend on social media - rising anti-intellectualism and superficial relationships with works of literature. Kafka's "newfound" fame just coincided with this trend and it makes us feel as if Kafka is being "rebranded" to be more relatable. But in all this situation, once again, it is important to realize that while you can be influenced by given information on the internet, you shouldn't base your judgment only on that information and you should learn more with actual books/articles etc.

I try as much as possible to show "authentic" Kafka but still how I (or anyone else) might portray Kafka should not be taken at face value. At the end people should do their own research.

[dogsliampaynedoesntinstagram]

"I think that lots of things that I thought were possible before that was posted, don’t seem possible now." This is really interesting to me, because I've been following you a while and I never really felt that I knew what you think was possible re Harry and gender?

From what I have seen and read, Harry has never expressed a nuanced interest in this topic more than "everybody should be kind to everybody, and that includes women". Even worse, there have been terrible, terrible takes last year. For me, the whole Pleasing nonsense is way worse than the Pilates stuff - is he seriously selling anti aging crap to teenagers??? And the way he talked about queer films? That still makes me so angry, to the point that I'd prefer not to have Harry speaking on politics, gender and social issues at all.

To me, the missing "there, there" is really important in this context, because I also think that he is closeted. 25 years ago, when I was 18 years old, I was absolutely okay with everybody thinking that my parents might be abusive rather than people knowing that I was getting love bites from another girl. Mindboggling now. I've always had a good relationship with my parents, knew even then that they would be fine with me being a lesbian and I didn't live in a conservative environment at all. Still the fear of being forced out of the closet made me oblivious to everything else around me, it paralyzed me and I had no space for thinking about collective social issues.

Obviously Harry's situation is very different, but I see myself (and a lot of my queer friends) in him waffling nonsense and making bad choices (subjectively 'bad' to me at least) from a frightening closet. When he talked about his panic about being perceived as "somebody who has sex" or "people seeing how he kisses", it was really painful to me, like him playing Tom was painful to me, too. I hope therapy goes well for him if he wants that.

Being a 'new, meterosexual' man, who is sexy but also detached, might be a kind of compromise for Harry. Which it obviously isn't, and that is why people are missing the 'there, there' at a closer look. It is lacking authenticity, which I've seen mentioned in the media for the first time this year. My guess is that Harry and his team are aware of it and playing for time (3-5 more fat years?) but what do I know...

Of course nobody is forcing him to endorse the Pilates studio, but maybe it's something like "Harry, we'll give a short clip to the pilates study so you can have a three week holiday with your partner safely, is that alright?". 18 year old me would have said yes and not asked more questions, I'd just been happy to have three weeks without fearing to be dragged out of the closet. Might sound dramatic, but to me Harry's anxiety is palpable a lot of the time in the way he treats his body and, more lately, the things he says (which, again, might be wrong and 100% projection on my part).

Making his choices under circumstances he doesn't choose from when he was 16 years old is a lot. Maintaining a closet is a lot, even if you're not a popstar with millions of eyes on you, hundreds of peoples' livelyhood depending on you, and a partner who is in a similar but also very different position. It's a lot and I feel for Harry.

--

Sorry for this novel, I just love to read your thoughts and am checking obsessively if you reply to my anons. Lately I've saved them so that I might re-read my own thoughts later, like a diary. Strange but I guess there are stranger things on the internet ; )

Thanks for your thoughts anon - it's so awesome to hear that asking anons helps you process stuff. I'm going to respond to a couple of different things in here, but if there's something that you're super interested in that I miss.

That's a great starting point - what did I used to think was possible when it comes to Harry and gender. To focus a little bit on the politics of it - so his response to gender in society - not just as it relates to him - I think there are a wide variety of options. To give one example - he could have a visceral aversion to statements that 'men are like this and women are like this'. He could also have a political understanding that statements that men are one way and women are another are quite harmful. I think it's unlikely that he would go even further and feeling like it's important that he's part of changing that, but I wouldn't have said it's impossible. He also could not really have any thoughts about it all - when he sees a sentence like 'It's not just for girls, it separates the men from the boys' - he could just think 'that sounds reasonable'

Obviously now I think the possibilities cluster much more strongly around 'that sounds reasonable', but before the interview any of those could have been true.

*******

I'm so sorry to hear about your experiences and the way that they have shaped you. I'm so glad to hear that things are better from you and you have a good relationship with your parents. I hope you are kind to your younger self - her anxiety was a reasonable response to the world she

I totally agree that Harry's anxiety is palpable in a lot of what he does and how he interacts with the world. I think the 'people will know how I kiss' comment is an excellent example as are much of the other things you mention.

But in this case, I think understanding this through the lens of the closet doesn't bring any insight. In particular, in the way that you frame it - as if someone is giving this clip so that he can have time with his partner - there's absolutely no reason to believe that's true. Harry can have three week holidays with his partner without anyone knowing (wealth buys you that). The idea that this video would be seen to directly matter by Harry, or anyone working for him, doesn't make any sense with how we've seen him navigating the closet

That doesn't mean that there's not some connection. Anxiety works in mysterious ways and there could be all sorts of things going on for Harry. But I think imagining a straight forward 'he's doing this because he's anxious that otherwise he'll be outed' - is an over simplification that probably reveals more about your anxiety than Harry's.

********

I do agree that Harry's closet is central to the question of 'is there a there there'. I remember listening to the Harry episode of Popcast - and it felt like they were dancing around the possibility of him being closeted - but I don't think they were - I think they were just describing the gaps they saw.

But I think it's easy for fans to assume that the feeling that there's no there there is entirely caused by the closet. I think it's far more complicated than that - because I think it's also something about Harry that enables him to be such a successful blank space - and that wouldn't suddenly change when he was out.

In particular, I don't think the fact that we're both 'no Harry, speak less about politics' would necessarily change just because he was out (there are plenty of out queer musicians who have said cringe things now and in the past). I think he'd probably be a little more articulate if he wasn't so afraid, but only a little. I think the way that he's unwilling to be clear about whether he's talking about himself or the world is shaped by the closet, but that doesn't mean that he would disappear. I think he could build up a centre, if he came out, but I don't think it's inevitable that he would.

**********

I've been really frustrated by the silence in response to that statement and that's led to me responding with the boldest, brashest version of what I think.

So here's another way of expressing the same idea. What if Harry did support the message of that video? What if it did reflect part of his worldview?

There are other explanations - but the fact that he agreed with something that he put his image to is always going to be the most likely one. And I think it's worth Harry's fans, particularly those who argue about what he's really like or talk as if they know what he's like, sitting with that possibility. And either including that view in what Harry might be like, or accepting that what they're talking about is not what Harry is like, but who they want him to be.

[dreamswillbeyourwintermeat]

If I go to sleep now I can play rimworld tomorrow and ignore my family all day

[imightgetbetter]

this will probably be quite long-winded so i'm going to put it under a read more. this has nothing to do with matty or the band, it's my other favorite artists, but i just can't talk about this on my main blog because i fear the people i am talking about will find it and harass me and talk shit about me for weeks again (this happened after an anon mistake and a bit of an impulse decision back a few years ago and i hated my life and almost deleted my blog because of it) so i trust that this will stay between us (as much as it can on the internet)

so my main blog is a primarily harry styles/niall horan blog with a whole bunch of my shitty diary posts and things i think are silly. it started with niall and harry writing and then when niall went on hiatus after his last album it became a primarily harry blog because i wrote my biggest story in the height of the pandemic and it gained a lot of traction during quarantine. in that height, someone started talking shit about niall and i went to his defence as any lonesome teenager does and it backfired on me gravely and this group of harry styles blogs that think they're very popular and cool harassed me about it. it was awful for weeks. i basically couldn't go online without having a panic attack. anyways, it's that same group.

all they do is talk about how much they think niall is a copy and paste of harry or that he isn't marketable or that he can't pick singles or that he pushes his streams and charts too much. all while claiming they don't care about him and hate him or whatever. they say all these things that simply aren't true. harry didn't "create" marketing campaigns on websites, neither did niall! however, niall's last album was marketed through a website and videos everyday and all this. harry isn't original in his techniques, the difference is that his following is so insane that they will do every single marketing thing for him. he doesn't need a team of people to do it. these fans are so insane that they are doing a job that people get paid to do. niall does his job! that's why he's telling people to stream and whatnot.

niall's songwriting is miles and miles better than harry's, but because of the way they think harry is the best at everything, they don't recognize that. niall started working with amy allen (a writer harry worked with on his last album) nearly six years ago, maybe even seven. she co-wrote my favorite niall horan song, to this day. like, they saw amy allen and tobias jesso jr and freaked out that niall was copying harry, as if niall isn't also a songwriter in the industry. like .. i genuinely am so sick of this conversation! (i also would compare niall's songwriting in depth and meaning to matty's, which is why i love it so much)

it's also very fucking annoying that harry stans have created this whole culture around going to concerts and liking artists that is so toxic and annoying that i can't stand it. like, half of the people at niall's pop up shop today weren't even singing his songs, they were singing the harry songs that were on the playlist. or the way all these harry stans are suddenly talking about niall on tiktok to get clout or merch or whatever it is. i've literally been a niall fan or whatever since the very beginning of one direction, i followed him on tour way back when, he's the reason i love live music and want to work in touring. i love harry, i do, i've gone to his shows plenty of times and talk about him and have a blog and a story, i'm not saying anything bad really about him, but it's so frustrating to see how people treat other artists just compared to harry styles and i literally am getting so annoyed every day.

okay i think i'm done. like i said .. this is between you and me and god.

[caffeine-high]

reminder!!

i treat tumblr basically like a diary, sometimes i have thoughts and they need out of my head

that anyone can read them is not a thing i am accountable for or necessarily care that much about

i do try to tag them appropriately if they're heavy topics, and you are responsible for your own internet experience

also, i know about the option to make them unrebloggable, but again, you don't have to interact with every post you see

i am a person, i have thoughts, sometimes they need out, sometimes they're just incredibly random, sometimes they're funny, and sometimes they're depressing

the tags will there, esp is i think they may be triggering!!

if you don't want any of them just block #caffeines cackles

[tabbyclaw]

I did warn you all that I was going to post my exchange letter here. Under the cut so it’s not interrupting those who aren’t interested.

(note: As with all of my fanfiction and AO3 activities, I’m signed up under ‘hematitebadger.’)

Hello, assigned creator or person who is considering creating for me! Thank you for reading this; I look forward to seeing what you make and I hope you enjoy making it. This is the first exchange I've done in many years, and thus the first exchange letter I've written in many years, so forgive me if it's a bit unpolished and feel free to ask for clarification if I've been hazy or left unanswered questions. General Likes: humorous stories, happy endings, casual physical affection between friends/family members, banter, unexpectedly romantic moments, imitation of canon style (but don't feel like it's required!), low-stakes/personally important adventures, "what if [canon event] had happened differently?" AUs, character exploration, mutual pining. First and third POV both welcome. I signed up specifically for fanfic, but I am open to treats in any medium! DNWs: porn (implied/referenced sex is fine, but no detailed on-screen sex), unrequested non-canon pairings, non-canon character death, tragic/bleak endings, mundane/modern/setting change AUs, non-canon severe illness/injury (canon-typical comedic, non-permanent injuries in comedy canons are fine), animal harm. Fandom-specific The Murderbot Diaries This is one of those canons where I really like the narrative voice, so stories that imitate that are always appreciated. I love how prickly Murderbot is, and the way it expresses itself when it's being emotional and trying to pretend it's not, and the way it gets annoyed at how much it cares about the people around it. I would love to see something with Murderbot settling in on Preservation, and the survey team trying (with varying degrees of success) to help it acclimate and feel included. Maybe something about the documentary, as well? If you're writing about Murderbot and ART, possibly something about Murderbot going on extended missions with ART and its crew, and the little adjustments to their relationship that come from interacting while having other people around for an extended period of time. My prompts for this fandom are less specific than most of the others, but it's not because I'm any less interested in it! I just love these people in a very broad and general way and want to see more of them interacting with each other. Miraculous Ladybug PLEASE NOTE THAT AS I WRITE THIS I HAVE NOT SEEN ANY OF SEASON 5 YET AND MAY NOT BE ABLE TO CATCH UP BY THE TIME THE SIGNUP PERIOD ENDS. I know a little about what's happened so far, because this is the internet and spoilers are inevitable, but it's a vague knowledge and I've been avoiding leaks about the series bible and episodes that haven't yet aired, so I'm writing these prompts without taking any of what I think I know about the new season into account. As is probably clear from my requests, the complicated dynamics of the Agreste household are my favorite part of the show. All the adults involved have done terrible things but I love them dearly (including Emilie, if you choose to include her), and so I'm hoping for a "flawed but sympathetic" portrayal of them. I would love to see what the household and the people in it were like before canon, the kind of parent Gabriel was as Adrien was growing up and there was someone else there to act as a buffer between them, and I'd like to see him trying to be better at it. I would also be interested in a scenario in which they have to work together in their Miraculous identities, and the tension that arises from both their adversarial relationship and from the things they're saying to each other unwittingly hitting home a little harder than expected. For Gabriel and Nathalie I would be equally happy with &, /, or something that blurs the line between the two. Once again I'd love to see a pre-canon story showing the evolution of their relationship over time, and its translation into the working relationship between Hawkmoth and Mayura. For a more shippy route for these two I'm less interested in an established relationship than I am in sexual tension, pining (mutual or otherwise), and/or an emerging relationship. What was the moment when Nathalie realized she was in too deep, and what will it take for Gabriel to have his own realization? And when are they going to notice the other person's feelings, as well? I would also be interested to see an exploration of how this interacts with their secret identities, where maybe it feels "safer" to flirt as Hawkmoth and Mayura and they're more willing to take risks and cross lines. And while I would hope for something hopeful for these two and I don't want one of them to unilaterally reject the other, I wouldn't consider a mutual acceptance that they can't act on their feelings because of the complicated situation they're in to be a violation of my 'tragic endings' DNW. Megamind Roxanne and Megamind were already pretty flirty in their first interaction in the movie! I'd be interested to see a pre-canon take on that, with the two of them gradually getting bolder and more flirtatious in their interactions as Megamind starts to develop an interest in Roxanne and Roxanne realizes that a) Megamind is basically harmless and b) it's really fun to push his buttons. Possibly even an exploration of what they would have been like if "Bernard" had never happened, and if they would have ever gotten to an 'openly interested in each other' stage on their own. Alternately, post-canon it would be fun to see the two of them learning to live in each other's worlds, with Roxanne helping Megamind get used to being around people and interacting with the public like just another citizen, and Roxanne getting used to being with someone who approaches romance with the same level of drama and spectacle that he approaches villainy. Even when they're in conflict in the movie there's a level of familiarity and sincerity between them that I love, and that's what I'd love to see reflected in a fic. Oxventure These incredibly silly people and the incredibly silly ways they solve their problems while still being lovable and sincere and that special mix of antagonistic and caring towards one another. I would be equally happy with a canon-style problem or mystery they need to solve, or just all of them having some down time and bothering each other. Maybe something goes wrong with the dragon eggs and one or more hatches early, and these people who should not be trusted with anything are now responsible for a baby dragon for a while. Or maybe the less murder-y members of the Guild decide it's finally time to have some kind of intervention with an unrepentant Merilwen regarding her various crimes. For Prudence/Corazon specifically I love them being terrible people who are trying very hard to pretend not to care and failing at it. Anything that involves accidentally realizing and/or revealing their feelings for each other would be great, but specifically I think these two would be perfect for a fake dating plot (as part of a plan that made sense at the time? To piss off Corazon's dad?) that gets more real than either of them ever intended it to. BBC Ghosts I love how sweet and ridiculous this show and its characters are, and it's one of those canons where my prompts are more like "Really, I just want to see more of them, whatever it is they're doing." Alison trying to come up with some new kind of enrichment for the ghosts, both for their sakes and so they'll give her a little more time alone and not bother the guests. Mike doing his best to keep them happy while Alison is out of the house for a couple days (with Julian attempting to communicate their needs via the laptop keyboard and other small gestures), or maybe temporarily gaining some ability to perceive them and trying to rearrange his perceptions of them now that he knows a little bit more. I also think it would be fun to see Alison try to use the ghosts as an excuse to lie to Mike to get out of something she doesn't want to do, but that's entirely because I want to see it backfire on her in some ridiculous way. I have never in my life known how to end a letter gracefully, regardless of the context, so I'll just end this one by thanking you for reading it again. I hope your exchange experience is awesome.

[zoejazzauthor]

Alright. I’ll say something a bit personal now. I kind of got used to not posting personal things on social media and just lurking for hours looking at other people’s posts. I don’t really know why. The internet is addictive.

So now I want to use social media as a promotional tool for my writing, but I also want it to be personal, and to express myself, and I’ve been not speaking on social media for so long that it feels a little bit wrong?

So it’ll be a big change since what I’ve written, am editing, and will soon publish can debatably be described as a poetic memoir, or something like it, and it is incredibly, deeply personal. It’s kind of terrifying. But I’ve also decided, it needs to happen. I’ve felt like it’s needed to happen for the years I’ve been writing it, and, it’s very weird for me to comprehend that people are going to see it. It kind of feels like publishing a diary, but worse? I’m being vague, but I have something important to say with it.

How does one get used to posting on social media again? Especially when they’re trying to promote their creative work. Yet I also feel that trying to “be your own brand” has made social media much, much more impersonal. And overall, it’s just worse. Social media is so much worse than when I was a kid, and it wasn’t super great back then either. Social media is kind of hell, but it’s an addictive kind of hell, like what I imagine heroin would be (you can obviously tell with that comparison that I have not and will not use heroin).

How to promote oneself on social media without feeling like I’m selling my soul. That’s the question.

I’m not being super productive today, I’m incredibly sleepy for reasons I’m not certain of. If you read this whole post, you should give yourself a little treat.

[mortilith-parade]

Dear internet diary

It's been awhile since I've done this. Just write how I feel with no real plan or goal. A fucking vomit shit storm of the mess that's happening in my head. Last time I did this I was 16 I think. I think I started out trying to write a suicide note before it turned into a angry storm of everything that is happening in my head.

I look back on life. I'm 23 now. Weird I somehow never thought I would make it but also thought 23 was achievable at the same time. I am in debt. So much debt for a degrees that are either useless or are looked down upon and spat on by not only people but the government when they decide how much they should pay me.

I look at world and once I thought that we could change it. Turn it around and make positive changes if we all just worked from the bottom up. But now I can barely afford to live. Butter is 5 bucks. I've been living on plain crackers and instant noodles and even then I feel selfish to complain cause I know there's people worse off.

Statistically if we just look at historical trends everything that is happening is over due. But by saying that shouldn't we as a society learnt by now to to prevent such things from happening again. I try to distract myself with pointless videos of cats or I try to drown out my own screaming thoughts with robotic Reddit videos but that never works. A video that smashes me back into reality will always pop back up on my feed.

I'm aware how selfish I am. How selfish I am becoming. I am pushing away those that I love with it. I'm also holding on to people I know don't care about me, or treat me well because I am afraid to be alone. I don't want to kill myself. I am confident of that. However I also feel like I wouldn't be upset if one day I just didn't wake up. I don't want to die but I find myself relying on old self harm replacement tips that I used to do on loop as a teen. Eating sour candy till my brain goes tingly, scrubbing on my hand, counting back from 100.

Im 23 shouldn't I be happy. Or if not happy at least content. Shouldn't I be able to at least fake it till I make it. I know people don't like me, and this isn't some depression paranoia. I know. I've heard it. I'm not so delusional that I don't see the looks between people when I say something, or the laughter when I leave. However as I write this I am just realising that it does sound like God damn paranoia.

Fuck. Maybe I am.

Five years of being in this town that I honestly hate and I don't have anything to show for it. Nothing. Except having to stay here for god knows how much longer. I was asked why I get so angry recently. My brain just skittered and shook with different flashes of reasons.

The fact that I hate the direction of my country

The fact money, or rather the lack of has made me turn down a once and a lifetime dream opportunity

The fact the man who assaulted me still walks around town

And the fact his face still makes me break down into a panic attack

The fact I don't really trust anyone to be honest with

I couldn't respond to them. I think I laughed it off but then I got home and had to cover my mirror.

I used to end these ranting posts with a quote. But I used to read for fun more back then. Instead I will just end it as the words stop pouring out .

[loldasme]

whenever i get the urge to post some shit to my insta story i IMMEDIATELY go nope nope cringe because last time i posted shit i was mentally unwell like... i was manic af babes so now whenever i post shit i'm afraid ppl are gonna think i'm going banana bonkers again AAAHHGHH why can't i treat the internet like my personal diary like every other idiot???

[mowisha]

Where do I start? AAAA I have lots of plans this year that I listed at the start of this year and I'm steadily and slowly doing my best to complete all of them! So this is like a diary post just so I can compose myself and not get too overwhelmed by all the things I wanna do.

You can keep reading on below if you're interested with my life, but this is mostly just me taking notes since I don't vlog or keep a diary with me anymore haha.

Internet Friends

This year went by so fast but I know that I also grew a lot as a person and I've met a lot of amazing people that contributed to this year. I met 2 actual friends that I found on Reddit (r/phR4Friends to be exact). Kyle invites me to all these gigs around my city and Manila from time to time and I realize that this is the kind of stuff that I've been missing out on for the past few years. Hazel is one of the best girls I've ever met and she's up for anything and even shared with me about losing my 3 year old phone! I went to La Union with her, her friends, twitter friends, and few a college acquaintances that I ended up being friends with also.

Also met a lot of new people by joining new local discord servers and it made my days less boring. It got me distracted with my plans on studying tho so I'm trying to limit my interactions and just meet up with them in real life tho. But yeah, I"m very thankful for all of them and they all treat me so nicely.

Lost my Phone

Went clubbing with Hazel earlier this year and ended up losing my phone and I think 2 years worth of photos! I was soooo sad and ended up using what Iearned working in starbucks last year to buy a secondhand iPhone 13 Pro. I have a love/hate relationship with the camera but I'm slowly getting used to it.

Concert and Gigs

Last December, I saw Keshi and this May, I saw the 1975 for the first time ever since their first show here in the Philippines last 2013. I enjoyed watching them live so much. In between these concerts, I went to a lot of local and out of town gigs and realized there were a lot of local underrated/underground music that I haven't discovered yet

Vespa Primavera 150

I saved up like crazy so I can buy myself a scooter, a Vespa to be exact. I was gonna go for the White Primavera 150 but someone in a local band told me that it was too common so he bought a relax green one and it got me thinking so that's what I'm gonna go for. I've been going back and fourth to the Vespa Shop here in Baguio but it's still not available until now. It's okay tho, I'm still in the process of fixing my driver's license. Tomorrow, I'll go and get my student's permit in Porta Vaga.

The Idea of Living on my Own

I saw a loft apartment the other day and I'm going to check out the actual thing tomorrow morning. It got me thinking of starting to live on my own and it fills my tummy with butterflies just thinking about how I'm gonna decorate it to make it feel like my home. I shouldn't be too excited because I'm not yet sure whether I'll actually get it or some other people are going to get it before me. But if I don't get the apartment, I'm already decided that I should move out this year, I'm about to turn 26!

Crochet

I started crocheting late last year but I didn't get to continue practicing due to working 2 jobs and dating someone at the same time but this year, I gained a lot of time because I resigned and the relationship died lmao. I've been working on a life size BMO stuffed toyfor the past 3 months, I think? I'm about to finish it this week, I think! After this, I'll continue making tops like what I originally planned.

Half Dyed Hair

I know I told myself multiple times that I'm going to leave my hair alone and and start growing it out but I bleached and dyed it again this year. Ended up regretting it and had lots of hairfalls :( This will be the last time I swear.

Lost my Tita to Cancer

It came to a shock that my tito asked me to come to Manila asap because my aunt was already in her death bed. I spent a week staying by her side and crying. I never told her that I loved her even when she was literally dying because those words can't come out of my mouth but I know I did. She took care of me for 10 whole years and I always kept my feelings to myself because our relationship wasn't perfect but I'm thanful everyday because I wouldn't be the person I am today if she never took me in when my parents gave me and my brother away. She's in a better place now and I've already forgiven al the wrongs she's done to me.

We have 6 months left until the year is over, a lot of things can still happen and I'm excited what else is in store for 2023. Thank you for reading! :)