#traumatized bitches unite

[mikeys-bike-slut]

being a sano apologist is my entire personality, hi

[notfeelingthyaster]

the way the older batboys cope with relationship trauma is that tim is a serial dater (cannot, will not, be single, would rather swallow glass, name the last time he was single), jason is a serial kisser (what's the name when you're not dating you're just kissing people? in brazil we call it "staying", like when you go out clubbing and kiss 10+ randoms) and dick is a serial cheater (i've said what i said)

[onepiece-polls]

One Piece Shipping War - Round 2 Side B

ZoLaw art by @jack-pictures. Check out the original post here!

Propaganda under the cut.

Propaganda for Sanji x Law:

North blue bitches unite!! Law is definitely a nerdy fanboy who fell in love, just look at the gif i submitted. Also remember the extremely gay way law landed on sanji's shoulder in wano? Other ships could never!

Why have one traumatized north blue twins when you can have two?

North Blue boys and their trauma

Propaganda for Zoro x Law:

they're just both really good at sword play :P

Grumpy swordmen? What's a better ship?!

Sword guys, great way to go from releasing tension to topless and sweaty and close together, Zoro gets lost and Law enjoys wandering so they just go on walks together, both incredibly intense in what they do, both unlikely to back down, understand each other reasonably well, Zoro can deal with Law's brand of stupid/crazy/D

I think their interactions are fun :)

Law: "Let them kill you! Be ready to die for the plan!" Zoro: *is ready to die for the plan* Law: "NO!"

They have ao much in common! Both are swordsmen and they both have cursed swords (at least one). They're both pretty deadpan but not above getting into shenanigans with luffy. They just fit!

Two moody, broody swordsmen who are really bad at expressing their feelings, but deep down, you know that they are softies. They would bicker with each other but at least understand that the sarcasm is like a love language. They can at least share that mutual respect of having to be the strong one, especially surrounded by a crew of silly goofy guys.

They are perfect together because they are both massive nerds who think they're just so freaking cool, but they're not. Literally every time everyone else is freaking out about something they're like "pfft losers." But THEY are the losers.

It's two guys who are obsessed with Luffy who are in love, it's swordsman x swordsman, it's the two straight men together, it's jock/goth. I just think they would have nasty sex and I'm into it.

Both of these poor gay boys accidentally fell in love with the most aroace mf in all the blues. So they fuck each other to cope.

[mangalho]

I made this dude to relax bc i read the info on drows on the dnd wiki (i dont know shit abt dnd and im not joking) and thought ‘whoever made these guys is a pervert’ i respect that, but i closed my eyes at the stupider bits of the lore…

i just dont think their society is like. Livable HAHAAH also its stupid asf to have ‘inherently evil species’… apparently they’re steering away from that shit which is great.

He was a man from a non-noble house chosen by a matron of a high house and they were surprisingly happy together for drow standards. Malaggar comes from like a mining/trading settlement, but his ventures took him to Menzoberranzan and thats how he met her. She was smitten by his general honesto demeanor and cute "provincial" accent (okay big City bitch..!)

please note that drows are kind of insane in general but apparently its worse in highly populated noble ridden cities with the strictest social rules so like. To you this was just some guy but to that woman he was so different so quirky ajahjahah

They had a good run, but eventually another matron from another high house came and said ‘i want him’ and since drow women compete like wild animals she killed his OG wife.. demolished her really

He became her bitch AND was miserable. She was happy bc he was like a pretty young thing but soon started getting violent with the guy because he was grieving his first wife whom he actually liked. He was in a rough spot bc he was getting his ass beat on the daily fr.. However his new wife was also a high drow so. He was basically elevating his family just bc he was there taking the domestic abuse (read: normal spider-worshipping drow behaviour)

The new matron was very unkind in every possible way you can imagine, but she didn’t do anything to him that would scar his body, greatest asset and all that. One day he snapped and killed his matron by way of knife and ran away to the surface world. Then he started his life of crime. Went from a little abused noble boy to some cartel mercenary dude who kills ppl and has tattoos. I think they look both really dumb but also sick as fuck, and he probably got them as a way to rebel against his upbringing in a way. But he’s edgy so i bet he thinks he looks sick like no nations no borders no self awareness being embarrassing unites all peoples

he is traumatized by women and is deeply afraid of them! I want his story to develop around becoming more normal and overcoming his grief.. hes from a long lived species so its taking him a while. Also its harder to make real friends if all your coworkers are insane criminals

[ennablue]

Leaving aside all the messy relationships we have in the series, let's focus on the juicy part of the darker plot of the series.

Little by little we begin to get into the backstory of our favorite brothers (not united by blood, but by circumstance).

First we witness Fadel's parents and their murder (with the traumatic part of the poor child witnessing the scene). Given this, I believe that Fadel goes to the support group for the loss due to the death of his parents and that it is not related to his ex.

His mother's last action in her last seconds of life is to hold his hand. Watching the sparkle in your mother's eyes fade as she dies is probably not a very pleasant experience… I mean, it would make a lot of sense that even as a grown man he would still be grieving and probably, the support group is the closest Fadel has come to much-needed therapy.

On the other hand, we have Bison and his parents. This one has not seen them die live, but then he has come across their dead bodies.

By the way, congrats to the actor who plays the young Bison, I just fell in love with the expressiveness of his eyes. You can see how broken he is and how little by little he is falling to pieces. He's trully talented!

Then, after seeing the photos of their deceased parents in the safes of the guy they are supposed to kill, they deduce that he is related to these events. Next, I would bet that these two will chase him and investigate, in order to get revenge and then, they will discover that the one behind those deeds is their current “mother”. Discovering that in a very fucked up way they have been helping a real villain, who has used the children of her own victims, making them believe she is their savior and not only that, she has also used them to try to erase the traces of the deaths of their own families (I'm sure that guy they need to assasinate is someone who is investigating that matter and Lilly has decided to stop him). What is something worthy of a true psycho. Your whole life, which could be quite normal, fucked up because of that bitch.

And to make matters worse, taking into account that his “mother” is involved in politics, she probably used them to get rid of the competition or those who were going to expose her dirty laundry. Which, seeing the appearance of Bison and Fadel's families, could also be the reason behin their murders.

That also raises questions for me about Keen's background. Is he also from another family killed by the “mother” or is he her real son? If so, it's pretty fucked up that she exposes him this type of situation and on top of that, that she has an obvious preference to her “ultimate weapons” (because obviously, she has raised our protagonists since childhood to be effective killing weapons).

Moreover, I would like to know how much the corrupt Captain Chris really knows. Does he want to wipe out the “mother” and plunge her into misery? Does he want revenge? Does he just want to blackmail her to make money (remember that people's dirty laundry in politics is sold expensively)?. Has he been hired by someone who wants to destroy her or he's just a douchebag that wants to evade his own dead/ his dirty friends' dead (it's a very mafia style movement to kill the competence)?

I look forward to seeing how this dark part of the plot progresses.

[kawaiichibiart]

PRSK Unit Shuffle AU Incorrect Quotes pt. 2 (Nocturne Symphonies)

Airi: We call that a traumatic experience.

Airi, turning to Toya: Not a "bruh moment".

Airi, turning to Mizuki: Not "sadge".

Airi, turning to Mafuyu : And DEFINITELY not an "oof LMAO".

₊✩‧₊˚౨ৎ˚₊✩‧₊

Toya: What are the hardest things to say?

Airi: I was wrong.

Mafuyu : I need help.

Mizuki: Worcestershire sauce.

₊✩‧₊˚౨ৎ˚₊✩‧₊

Airi: For self defense reasons, I'm going to pretend to be a burglar and you guys have to act wisely.

Mizuki, Mafuyu , & Toya: Okay.

Airi: If you don't want to die, give me all your money.

Mizuki: Bold of you to assume I have money.

Mafuyu : Bold of you to assume I don't want to die.

Toya: Bold of you to assume I can die.

₊✩‧₊˚౨ৎ˚₊✩‧₊

Airi: You're smiling. What happened?

Mafuyu : What? Can't I smile just because I feel like it?

Toya: Mizuki tripped and fell down the stairs today.

₊✩‧₊˚౨ৎ˚₊✩‧₊

Airi: Between Mizuki, Mafuyu and Toya, there are three braincells.

Airi: And Toya has all three of them.

₊✩‧₊˚౨ৎ˚₊✩‧₊

Airi: I truly believe that water can solve all your problems.

Mafuyu : Weight loss? Drink water.

Mizuki: Clear skin? Drink water.

Toya: Want to get rid of someone? Drown them.

₊✩‧₊˚౨ৎ˚₊✩‧₊

Toya: I haven't slept in seventy-three hours.

Mizuki: Eighty. Democratically elected leader of insomnia.

Mafuyu : Bitch, it's been ninety for me. I'm going for an even one hundred.

Airi: You guys are fucking terrifying.

₊✩‧₊˚౨ৎ˚₊✩‧₊

Mafuyu : I am darkness. I am an power. I am your worst nightmare. I could kill a man in more ways than you can imagine. I am the night. I am fury, I am a weapon, I am-

Airi: A doll.

Mizuki: A cinnamon roll.

Toya: A sweetheart.

Mafuyu :

Mafuyu : ...stop it.

₊✩‧₊˚౨ৎ˚₊✩‧₊

Airi, Mizuki & Toya: *screaming*

Mafuyu : *runs into the room* What's wrong, Toya?!

Airi: Wait, why are you asking Toya that when Mizuki and I are also here?

Mafuyu : Because Toya wouldn't scream unless it's an emergency. You two scream whenever you have the chance.

₊✩‧₊˚౨ৎ˚₊✩‧₊

Mafuyu , singing to the tune of I Kissed a Girl: I killed a guy, and I liked it-

Airi, whispering: Should we call the exorcist?

Toya, also singing: The taste of his cherry chapstick.

Mizuki, appalled: Call the exorcist.

[2rats1gogh]

Hi! I would like to know for you what would have been the fairest ending for the dance? I'm Team Neutral, yes, we exist,although some people say no and that we are undercover greens 🙄, I simply like to analyze both positions understand the motives behind a character based on their context🥲. I always see a lot of debate on this topic, I've seen team black constantly say that it's appropriate for the green line to disappear because they are usurpers and George punishes those who usurp...but...it can also be argued that Rhaenyra's heirs were usurping a broad list of legitimate Targaryens with more rights than them...they also consider it a "divine punishment" that she and her illegitimate children died for trying to place a boy with no real right to it on the throne? I find it quite curious to talk about the narrative punishing you when Rhaenyra and the Velaryon princes came out so badly. Honestly, for me the most fair and equitable ending since I think that both sides did things terribly wrong would have been to leave Aegon III as King (He's one of my favorite characters, I admit it) and Jaehaera as his Queen Consort. I think the dance has a more powerful message in this way, from a literary point of view I think it has much more impact, and I like Daenaera and the fact that she is Vaemond's granddaughter... it doesn't stop being funny 🥹, but those children were a reflection of the horrors that a war between relatives brings, they were never much in the spotlight of the conflict nor did they count much for their respective sides, so it would be poetic that they have to be the ones to take the Targaryen dynasty forward, of course along with the help of Viserys when he returned.

Have a nice afternoon!

Hi!!

I really like the pairing of Aegon III and Jaehaera and as much as I realize that they were both extremely traumatized children (Aegon’s father caused the death of Jaehaera’s twin brother and eventual madness of her mother and Aegon’s mother caused the death of Jaehaera’s other younger brother, but also Jaehaera’s father killed Aegon’s mother) I feel like with time they could’ve made it work.

I REALLY wish that Jaehaera would’ve stayed alive. It would’ve been tragic, but poetic. And even as team green, I actually don’t mind “Rhaenyra’s line surviving” because I think it should survive, but I also wish that Aegon’s didn’t die out. It saddens me so much that none of his children made it out alive, so I kinda hope that HotD changes the ending or whatever and Jaehaera lives.

I don’t mind Daenaera as a character but she doesn’t hit the same as Jaehaera. Her and Aegon could’ve been the poetic ending to this horrible war. Daenaera just doesn’t have the same impact, we barely even knew her. But Jaehaera was there all along.

Also, the children shouldn’t be blamed for the sins of their parents, which is why I think over time they could become closer. They are the only people who could understand each other’s pain, and forgive each other.

And again, it just makes sense. The war was useless, nobody won, and the two lines (green and black) were united. So that everyone gets their blood on the throne, Rhaenyra, Aegon, Alicent, Otto (and Daemon unfortunately). I don’t really care for Corlys, he never deserved that throne anyway, since he was such a misogynistic bitch about this whole inheritance thing that he preferred illegitimate children of his daughter-in-law rather than his very much legitimate granddaughters.

I don’t really mind the idea of Jaecaerys becoming king, I think he was a good guy overall, and him marrying Helaena could’ve been cool I guess, but the issue of Jaecaerys being illegitimate stays. And I never really liked them for some reason. And that whole thing about all three of Rhaenyra’s children with Harwin being doomed from the start is interesting imo, just like all Alicent’s children are doomed from the moment they are born.

Another, much more simpler solution to everything could’ve been Rhaenyra getting to become queen, but then naming Aegon his heir, instead of having children of her own, legitimate or not. That way she gets to be the ruler, and then her siblings continue her legacy. Everyone is happy or whatever.

But overall, I still think that given the way the Dance actually happens, I would much prefer for Jaehaera to stay alive and for her and Aegon III trying to make it work. It may take some time, but I feel like if given the opportunity they could’ve become something.

[controversial-blorbo-bracket]

Controversial Character Tournament Round 2: Alois Trancy from Black Butler vs Eichi Tenshouin from Ensemble Stars

(remember that these characters are fictional and your fellow tumblr users are real. i will block you if you harass others in the notes, please consider sending your unhinged harassment to my inbox instead)

Propaganda under the cut, may contain spoilers:

Alois Trancy:

LOVE:

- "everyone wants this guy dead. he is the villain of his narrative for the simple hubris of wanting to live and be loved after surviving traumatic events one after another for his whole childhood, and in the end the narrative kills him for it. being an anime-only character, many fans dislike his character as well, seeing him as unnecessary or controversial/contradictory to the well-established lore of the main storyline. he's gotten rejected from other poll tournaments, even, for his backstory containing a Lot of controversial and dark material (so yeah heads up for that). i personally care very deeply about his character, because someone i am very close with in my real life relates a lot to him, and has experienced similar traumatic events. in the end, he just wants to be loved, but he is bound to the hatred of his fellow characters, of the writers and his universe itself, of the fans of his series, of... everyone but a select few people clinging to him. which is to say, he is broadly hated, but i think the balance of the few that truly and deeply want to break him out of that fate and love him with the fervor of a thousand suns.... i think that makes him a great candidate for this competition."

Eichi Tenshouin:

LOVE:

- "Eichi is so silly… he started an entire war for his crush… then “killed” said crush in public (it was a metaphorical killing). He’s responsible for ruining the lives/mental health of SEVERAL if not dozen of people. He doesn’t know about the concept of “love.” In all honestly, I just see him as a very naive person with too much money to spend (he’s extremely rich if I didn’t mention it). People either love him or hate him, though I feel like the fandom has been coming around to him lately, especially in the past few years, so he may not win the poll, but the discourse around him has left such a strong impression on me that I HAD to submit him. Personally, I love him he’s one of my favorite characters; I have a plushie of him :)"

- "Okay first of all I don't love or hate him I'm actually pretty neutral about him BUT I will defend him til the day I die because people who hate him hate him for like. the wrong reasons. Okay he started an idol war like he was 16 and wanted to change the idol system at Yumenosaki and none of the teachers did anything to like. actually turn these kids into idols and Eichi took things into his own hands. This guy is a rich chronically ill nepo baby and gay as hell which is incredibly important to the whole narrative and I still stand by the fact that like. if the adults at the school had done their job this wouldn't have happened and Eichi has shown a lot of growth and self reflection in the time since then (even though he is......essentially creating an idol factory to mass produce popular idols. anyway) and he regrets a lot of his actions during the war but also. objectively at least for one of the characters, if someone didnt do something about what was going on in that unit it would have ended incredibly badly (Shu Itsuki and Ex-Valkyrie which is another long story I am not going to get into but you can read Marionette if you want to know more about it and even as a Shu Producer I think it was necessary for his own character arc and development, as well as Nazuna and Mika's arcs. Anyway this isn't about them this is about Eichi) he's very complicated and I think people who hate him just because of the war are missing whole pieces of his character, yknow? He was just a kid with ideals and a lot of money and drive to create change and nobody was around to guide him in the right direction. I still don't understand how the teachers at this school have jobs if they just allowed four kids to get metaphorically executed on stage though."

- "i love him very much he’s kind of a bitch though so like i think he’s divisive enough to win it"

- ""how controversial can this idol gacha game boy possibly be" I have seen people unironically censor his name it's so funny. his haters are so. they hate any complex morally grey character and none of them can be normal about it. the amount of people I've seen making jokes about his terminal illness and how they can't wait until he dies is something else, and I've seen soooo many people unironically call him irredeemable and evil and that enstars would be better if he wasn't in it (as if eichi isn't the single most important character in enstars' plot like. literally most of the cast would never have met and bonded if it wasn't for him) and etc etc. his fans are also kind of rabid and hardcore but I respect that. he gives me brainworms too. I think the controversy might maaaaybe be largely only the western side of the fanbase...? bc his merch is still some of the most expensive in the entire series lol. an expensive boy few can afford... literally the character of all time. please appreciate him in this cat hoodie: https://static.wikia.nocookie.net/ensemble-stars/images/5/5d/Eichi_Tenshouin_Namja_Town.png/revision/latest?cb=20200109223739"

- "He is my special little guy my blorbo my funny little war criminal however he very much did commit a lot of crimes and people rightfully do not like him for it. However. To me, personally, he is my poor sick little meow meow. He is so fucked up and I love him for it. Men who were born all alone in a wet cardboard box am I right ?"

[eerna]

Taryn defenders unite!

Seriously though I can understand feeling the betrayal along with Jude as our pov character when it first happens but when you continue to hate her more than any other character (many who have done worse) it just becomes sad and frustrating.

I personally really liked the idea of falling in love as a (survival) strategy that she introduced as her goal long before we knew her target was Locke. I guess that's part of what made me love that whole situation as a point of conflict in the plot so much. If anything I was more upset about her pretending to be Jude to trick Cardan in book 2 (still loved her though).

Yeees I love the detail where she doesn't want to just get married into power, she wants LOVE!! And love has traumatized her so thoroughly across her childhood that her idea of it is completely warped. It is all so interesting.

At the end of the day, she is a bitch, she makes a million mistakes and Jude still takes her back on her word alone (at first). I can totally see why people dislike her. My issue is with how any and all mention of her outside of hate posts is treated like something shameful, like anyone who wants to think about her as a character instead of a punching bag is somehow in the wrong. Which is bizarre because she is written to be complicated and interesting and the reader is constantly invited to try to understand her position, which makes her the perfect subject for fandom discussions! But no, you mention her without cussing her out and everyone is like "How can you talk about her??? How can you like her??? Explain??? I am just going to ignore everything you say and take this opportunity to yell about what a horrible person she is and how I, the paragon of virtue, wouldn't do the vile things she has done if my life depended on it as if that's the only criteria one needs to like a character". Usually a character needs to be a serial abuser or commit a genocide to gain such a bad rep, but Taryn did it just by being mean to her sibling.

As always I will end this message with "This fandom wouldn't last 5 minutes reading about Ianthe Tridentarius"

[yuukei-yikes]

just read ur recenmt kanoshin comic and it made me smile so wide with joy. i think the way shintaro just says straight up he wants to be with kano is really good bc in the end thts very shintaro. it takes him one million years but once he knows what it is exactly what he wants he will get it bc hes the protagonist smthn smthn story lol. but kano is litearlly the exact opposite of that. he barely knows what he wants most of the time but the times he does "know," he will just make reasons he cant have it. and in this au there r many potential reasons. maybe the only thing he really KNOWS he wants is his own suffering bahahha. anyway thanks for the kanoshin i havent been able to get myself to draw them lately but maybe i will now bc i feel like jesus starvuing himself in the dessert

U GET ITTTT. love ur kanoshin insights because U Get Me.

kano making up reasons why he can't have what he wants.... and shintaro just going for wants he wants.... i kick my feets with joy when ppl get what im putting down. like, shintaro kind of just had to work through some internalized homephobia. other than that he has no real problem liking kano LOL. he's like oh it's a little weird he's my ex's brother but her and i are cool now im sure she'd be totally ok with it yaaaay. he's a dumb son of a bitch💔

i know i wrote the comic but im so team kano. imagine that as an extremely traumatized, avoidant and filled with trust issues guy, you get in a situationship with a guy you had an ultra big fat repressed crush on 10 years ago, and that guy is the lamest, most self centered person you have EVER met, and at the same time he's your sister's ex boyfriend of 2 years and current father figure to her adopted kids because he is also the kindest most heroic person you've ever met and of course he has kids. with your sister. fuuuck. and he's totally earnest and keeps trying to formalize the relationship but again ur avoidant and cautious AND! he and ur sister played this romantic love story plot together for years and continue to be in each other's lives and they have a freaking family rn so why the hell would you accept his attempts to make things official?? you think no one knows ur sister better than you and you know he's STILL extremely SPECIAL to her, and when he finds that out he Will leave you for her. and it would be completely humiliating to be dumped at that point because all the stakes are against you, raising kids with his ex girlfriend? YOUR SISTER??? come on what were u even thinking kissing him Once are u stupid. even after he dumps you for her you'd see him all the time because he'd dump you FOR YOUR SISTER.

so add to that, you find out THROUGH HER that he agreed to artificially inseminate her. so they will have biological BABY together??? are you joking. id also throw him out of my apartment.

shintaro expecting anything else drives me crazy. and yet he's also not super wrong. kano and shintaro start their thing a lot after shintaro had been inserted in ayano's family unit. he's been around since she adopted the first one, he was the one to help her through it all. so kano can't really have an opinion about it because at that point its been years of shintaro and ayano playing house. and allegedly he and kano are nothing more than casual so what CAN he say about shintaro and ayano? and from shintaros perspective, he doesn't understand why kano even gives him the time of day if he doesn't wanna Date him. he might not be bright on social cues but shintaro is freaking smart he knows kano at the very least enjoys time with him, he knows that's real so what the hecks the problem??? shintaro assumes kano has commitment issues. which ig isnt super far off and maybe also an issue but Definitely not the main problem. like if the whole ayano and kids situation didnt exist, kano Would eventually come around. but shintaro doesnt even think that.

shintaro just fails to see his closeness with ayano as the red flag for kano bc he sees them as isolated parts of his life. SHINTARO YOU'RE PLAYING DAD AND ARE ABOUT TO GET HIS SISTER/YOUR EX GF PREMEDITATEDLY PREGNANT *SHAKES HIM*

he HAS made so much progress in 10 years but shintaro hasnt entirely shaken off his protagonist tendencies... i think the biggest problem here is that shintaro still doesnt recognize himself as the kid's dad lol he just think he's ayano's good friend helping her out every other day. but no he is literally their dad.

anyways a match made in hell ive got doodles of where i wanna take it but.. i dont see kano coming around AT ALL lol no matter how i go abt it the damage is done lmao and at the end of the day this story thingy IS about ayano and shintaro, who are... well... kind of selfish. so... im sorry kano. you are the collateral damage takane was talking about

[call-sign-shark]

In the Heat of the Night || Modern!Arthur Shelby x Reader

Summary: As if blazing summer nights weren’t already annoying enough, you’re here to make Arthur’s insomnia even worse… 

He's a former soldier and a drug addict trying to get better. You are an unhinged punk girl living in the streets. You weren't supposed to meet... And now Arthur's fate and yours are forever entangled. Check the Masterlist here if you wanna read more about AU Loose Cannon, Or how a blue-haired rebel wrecked a soldier’s life and stole his heart.

Words: 2.8K

TW: Quick allusions to sexual abuse

Notes: Each part is individual and can be read as one-shots in no particular order.

A growl reached your lips as you rolled on your side, for the sensation of the sofa’s leather sticking to your sweat-covered skin was deeply irritating. Prior to coming to this country, you had been told that summers in the United Kingdom were usually not that warm. Somehow, you believed in the ever-lasting cliché of the UK always being under clouds and rain. Yet,  here you were, soaked up despite wearing nothing but your underwear. No matter how the windows were open and how many times you gulped cold water like some kind of thirsty girl lost in the Sahara desert, the hot air still felt thick and suffocating. 

You’ve been trying to fall asleep for hours now, but the temperature was preventing you from doing so and nothing seemed to work to overcome it. Besides, the huge malinois that was literally sleeping on you did not help in cooling down. When Arthur offered to take you home he had warned you about sharing the sofa with his dog, Hannibal, so you were more or less expecting him to sleep somewhere at the end of the couch,  What you did not expect though was that the dog would use you like some kind of pillow. Bringing your hands to your face, fingers clenched on your own skin, you kept yourself from screaming in frustration.  Moreover, the maddening sound of the living room clock was seriously rattling your nerves. No — it was definitely too much to handle. Gently dragging yourself from under the malinois without waking him up, you decided to walk to the bathroom to sprinkle cold water all over your neck and arms in the hope it would cool you down. You discreetly made your way through the corridor, your bare feet ghosting the floor as you moved in darkness like a swift shadow. Suddenly, an odd sound caught your attention and made you stop. It was coming from Arthur’s bedroom, whose door had been left ajar.  Even if curiosity killed the cat, you could not help but slipped your blue-haired head into his bedroom to check what was the cause of this mysterious background noise.  Suddenly your eyes widened, for you witnessed something you hope you’d have never witnessed.

“YOU FUCKING BASTARD!”

Your voice roared so loudly in the room that Arthur sat up straight on the mattress in one movement, panic visible on his face and right hand ready to reach for his gun. The soldier’s piercing blue eyes had to scan you for a little while before his traumatized mind understood you were not an enemy coming to kill him, “Here we go…” Arthur’s shoulders relaxed. “What’s the matter now?! Can’t even sleep at night!”

“Are you fucking kidding me?!” You screamed right away, storming into the bedroom. You were so infuriated that your skin heated up even more but you could not care less: what you had just seen deserved some immediate explanations, “You had a fan the whole time and you did not even tell me,” You said with the most outraged tone you could do, “Worst, you kept it for yourself and left me to die in the living room! You’re one fucking selfish motherfucker!” 

“Oi! Do I look like fookin’ Mother Theresa?! I  gave you a roof over your head and food on your plate! Can’t you survive without a fan? Now get yer ass out of my room, you damn crazy bitch!” He surprisingly yelled louder than you, his husky voice making the whole house shake. Still, you did not follow his order. When he saw that you weren’t moving, Arthur grabbed a pillow and threw it at your face with a perfect sniper aim, “And don’t you enter the room without knocking! Could have been jerking off and seeing your stupid face at that moment would have been a real turn-off!” The soldier grunted, just wanting to go back to sleep.

“The fuck did you just do? Are you crazy? You wanna die?” Your voice had become suddenly quieter when you emphasized each word of your sentence, right after that awful affront. In truth, you did not let him have the time to answer your question nor to insult you for you jumped on the bed as quickly as a jungle cat and immediately start to mercilessly beat him with another pillow, “THE FUCK DID YOU DO??” You repeated, giving in to your destructive rage — well, not that really destructive considering that your weapon was a soft and squishy pillow but still you did try to look convincing.

“FOOK!” Arthur’s hoarse voice exclaimed, more irritated than anything, “Stop it! Stop hitting me or you’ll regret it!” He tried to warn you but it had no effect — you were still trying to murder him through a great deal of pillow smacks. Little you know, handling your small and little body was something he could do with closed eyes. After all, he had beaten the shit out of a trained elite soldier, so a little psychotic Smurfette won’t impress him. But you were blinded by your rage, hence you did not take into account the fact he was part of the elite forces of Special Air Service. Nor did you notice the smooth way he positioned himself to, all of sudden, turn you around and overpower you without the slightest effort.  A little scream escaped from your lips as he dominated you. When you realized what had just happened it was already too late: you were firmly pinned to the bed, Arthur’s hands holding your wrists above your head and his body weight keeping you still, “What are ye gonna do now eh, little one?” He snarled, teeth bared and fury blazing in his sharp blue eyes. Now you were fucked. Your enraged pout suddenly turned into a shocked expression.

“Let me go!! Let me go!!” You screeched, wriggling like a snake under him to set yourself free but you knew it was vein.

Arthur’s lips stretched in a sadistic smile as he saw you struggling under his grip, “Did not expect you to be that weak eh?” He taunted, enjoying the moment and having fun now that the table had turned. Maybe it was time to teach you a little lesson? He brought his face closer to yours, his cold eyes diving into your irises and his scorching breath fanning over your face, “You know I could do everything I want with you now that you’re trapped in me bed? I could snatch your throat with my bare teeth… What do ye think, me cute little prey?” 

“Arthur, let me go!” The beating of your heart was now chaotic. It pounded so hard in your chest that you felt it was about to burst your ribcage. You started to quiver, feeling trapped. After all, you were so tiny compared to him…

“Want me to eat you alive?”  He purred in your ear, grinning like a hungry wolf. His husky voice sent tremors down your spine.  

And suddenly, it was not anger that was burning in your eyes anymore… It was terror. Genuine terror that coursed through your veins and petrified your whole body, just like a doe in front of a car’s headlights. You felt his bruising grip painfully tightening around your wrists.

 “Please… Stop…” You managed to beg, despite the almost choking lump in your throat.  It was all it took for Arthur to grasp the desperate tone of your voice and stop teasing you the moment he understood he had taken it too far.

“Shit!” He cursed, freeing your wrists and moving from the top of you to sit on the bed, “I’m fookin’ sorry, stinky rat. I was just playin’ ye know?” Slightly panicked at the sight of tears in your eyes, Arthur gently pressed his hand on your shoulder and helped you sit next to him. Still, you remained silent, requiring a little while to calm the creeping anxiety that had started to draw you into a pit filled with venomous bad memories. “I was just playing, really. I would never hurt ye…” Arthur’s gravel voice broke the silence, coated with the softest tone you had ever heard. Now he was starting to get really worried — he would have preferred  you to curse at  him, scream or even kick him rather than face your freezing silence, “Please, don’t be scared of me.” Something broke in his voice. Arthur wanted so hard to hug you but he didn’t want to scare you more, “I would never …”

“I know.” You cut him. Gently coming back to your senses, you looked at him and soon notice the gleam of fear that was glowing in his steel irises. A little sigh escaped from your still quivering lips,  “Tsss calm down, I wasn’t scared. I was just messing with you, fucker.” You mumbled, hoping he would believe it because, on the one hand, you did not want him to feel bad, and on the other hand you hated to display any sign of witness in front of someone. Especially a man. But unfortunately for you, Arthur was more than attentive to little details. And the way you had looked at him had betrayed your true emotions. Nevertheless, he did not want to hurt you more so he did not make any comment about it and just kept observing you to ensure you were feeling better, “Maybe you can do something to apologize like… I don’t know, giving me the fan?”

“Get fucked.” He straight off replied. As well as he wanted to make amend for the little fright he had just given you, giving up on the fan was out of question. Moreover, Arthur always tended to have a high body temperature, which rendered summer nights even more insufferable. 

“OH COME ON! Gimme the fan now!” You insisted.

“My ass yeah, you ain’t taking the fan out of me bedroom or I swear to God I’ll handcuff you to the radiator.” He threatened you, definitely breaking the brief moment of softness between the two of you. The fan was the house’s treasure and he wasn’t willing to let it go for the life of his.

“Fine, you’ve left me no choice.” You concluded. To be true you did not want to use this solution but you really had no other options left. Hereby,  you lay down on the bed and closed your eyes under Arthur’s confused gaze. Perplexed by such a weird move, he scratched his chin wondering what the hell you were doing.

“Eh?” He asked.

“I’ll sleep here then.” 

“What?!” Arthur almost choked at such unexpected news, “No yer not. Absolutely fookin no.” 

Confronted by the refusal, you raised your gaze toward him and bit your lower lip, crocodile tears suddenly filling your beautiful eyes like you had learned when cops sometimes caught you in the midst of a little mischief, “First you keep the fan. Then you hurt me. What did I do to deserve all of this? Do you really hate me that much, Arthur Shelby?” You lamented with the most heartbreaking pout he had ever seen in his entire life… And that was how guilt started to kick in. It was true he had scared you so, maybe, maybe, he could accept your request? Besides, he could not resist your puppy eyes.

“Fine! Just for tonight.” He said, defeated.

“YES!” You joyfully exclaimed in an almost frightening mood swing. You rolled on your other side to turn your back to him and closed your eyelids. All you heard was Arthur’s long sigh. At least you were shutting your mouth and he could go back to sleep without giving up on the fan.

Silence had fallen in the bedroom for a while when Arthur woke up soaked up in his sweat and almost suffocating from the heat. He sat on the mattress, slicking his hair back, and understood the reason why the room was suddenly so hot: you had moved the fan during his sleep in a way that all the fresh air blew in your direction. Rolling his eyes, he fixed the situation by moving it to his side, “Better,” He grunted. He lay back on the bed. The thing was that the soldier had barely closed his eyes when he heard you moving the fan again.

“Are you bloody serious?” The gravel in Arthur voice made you jump, for you did not expect him to be awake, “If you move that bloody fan one more time...” He left his sentence hanging for more dramatic effect.

“But you’ve got all the fresh air!” You exclaimed, your tone adorably hoarser with sleep.

“Sounds like your problem.”

“Arthur, the fan’s small. I can’t feel the fucking air because you take everything.”

Another loud sigh. At first, he wanted to retort something but he was definitely not in the mood to argue with you anymore. Plus, he knew you would not have it. If he wanted to have some peace, Arthur needed a find a good idea right now — And he did find one, “You’ll be the death of me... ” He simply said. You were about to ask him what he meant by that when, all of sudden, Arthur’s long arms wrapped around your body and pulled you against him in a way you could both enjoy the fan’s fresh air. 

Your beings snapped together and your blood immediately boiled in your veins as his hips crashed against your bum, perfectly hugging your shape. An uncontrollable and feverish exhale escaped from your mouth at the sudden sensations as if someone had just lit a fire in your core.  Your thoughts started to bump into each other in your skull — should you punch him or should you sink deeper in this sweet, oh-so-sweet, and comfortable embrace?  You stopped breathing, focusing on every little sensation.

His chest against your naked back.

His breath caressing your neck.

His legs entangled with yours…

In less than five seconds, your whole body relaxed as if you had always meant to be there. Maybe that was why you instinctively snuggled a bit more against the soldier, whose musky scents and powerful grip made you feel safe. For the first time in your life, you allowed yourself to believe you were shielded from everything… Because contrary to everyone else on this damn planet, you trust Arthur with all your soul. You finally closed your eyelids, soothed by the fresh air and by Arthur’s presence all around you.  Admittedly his skin was warm and you were both covered with a thin layer of sweat, but it was far from unpleasant. Quite the contrary, you low-key wished to stay in his arms forever and surprised yourself by thinking you wouldn’t be angry if he touched you a little more… But you’d rather die than confess it.

“And I don’t hate ye.”  He whispered.

“Yeah. I guess I don’t either… But I prolly will if you tell anyone I’m the little spoon.” 

He could not help but chuckle, “Alright, love.” The way he called you “love” made you feel fuzzy, “But yer definitely a cute little spoon.”

“Oh shut up, Arthur.”

No words were spoken after that because words weren’t needed anymore. Arthur buried his nose in your wild blue hair and enjoyed the peculiar fragrances of your sweet perfume, fragrances that were almost getting him high… It struck him all of a sudden: he did not feel the need to snort coke anymore tonight.

It did not take long for you to fall asleep, all comfy and safe in the soldier's arms. In truth, you had not been scared of Arthur but rather of the man you had seen instead of him when he had been pinning you to the bed:  Jack Nelson.

But if you slept well, it had not been Arthur’s case despite the fresh air of the fan and the comforting silence of his bedroom. And for once, it was not his PTSD nor the thought of Linda or his drug cravings that kept him awake: it was you. Only you. The sensations brought by your two bodies perfectly interlocking together drove him to the edge of madness, for far too many sensations stimulated him. The frictions caused by your slightest movement stirred surges of electricity through his core and made his blood boil in his veins. Also, what about that lovely face you had when you were sleeping? Arthur sighed in your neck, causing you to shiver in your sleep. He was well aware that tomorrow morning you’ll both start to fight again, insulting each other and fighting over trivial things, but in the meantime he just wanted you to wake up and, by an unexplained miracle, kiss him with passion, then pull him under the bedsheet for a more intimate way of knowing each other.  He swallowed the knot in his throat, trying to get the image of his hands exploring your gorgeous body out of his mind. Yeah, he just wanted you to love each other until the sun rose.  But you didn’t wake up and that was fine with him, for he was already glad to have you in his arms, all quiet and peaceful, despite the torture it was. 

Just one night, he told himself. He had to keep it together just for one night and then, you’ll be back on the sofa. 

Won't you?

♠️ Any comment, review, reblog, or constructive criticism is welcome. Your reactions really motivate me and keep me alive, so please don't be shy. English is not my first language.

♠️ Tag list: @cljordan-imperium @1nterstellarcha0s @raincoffeeandfandoms @babaohhhriley

[lemonandlime22]

First years reaction to Yuu dating their Housewarden

Warning(s): cussing, some of these (ace, deuce, epel) are upped in the dramatics a lil for your entertainment. Except for Sebek, Sebek is 100% that dramatic.

A/N: I haven't done anything really crack-ish lately so I hope this makes up for it

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ace

Traitor!

He just came over to hang out with you

not to get traumatized by the site of you and his ex tyrant of housewarden kissing.

"*gasp* You traitor!"

"Ace? wtf- why didn't you knock!?"

"I did but I guess you were just too busy making out with Riddle to hear!"

he didn't knock, he never does

"Ace, leave. Shouldn't you be studying right now?"

He just huffs and stomps back to his dorm and room.

In reality he honestly doesn’t care all that much

bitch just likes being dramatic.

Will audibly gag as loud as he can whenever he sees you two being lovey-dovey around him.

After some time he’ll get used to it and leave y’all alone a bit

But every time he brakes a rule around you he’s always like,

“*glares at you* Don’t you dare tell Riddle, you traitor.”

Deuce

Bby has no clue

he could have walked in on y’all making out and would still be clueless

It takes Ace spelling it out to him for him to finally understand.

Was shocked to say the least

I mean-

one of his besties and his housewarden

being together

absolutely unimaginable.

But as long as you two are happy, he's ok with it.

"Wait- how can you two be... together?"

"Cause we like each other...?"

"Well I know that but like... he's a second year, and you're a first-year???"

"I- Deuce..."

"I'm just saying, is that even allowed!?"

Jack

Does not give a single shit.

well other than your age

he does have a bit of a problem with that

you're like 16-ish and he's (Leona) 20

so he'll talk to you about that

just to see if your okay

and will prob notify a teacher about it too

just in case...

But other than then that big thing

he rly doesn't care

just surprised Leona would care enough to be in a relationship at all.

Epel

Traitor! X2

You absolute backstabbing bitch!

He was coming over to give you some of his family’s apple juice

but now

you ain’t gettn’ none of that shit.

“Oh come on, Epel. It’s not that big of a deal”

“Not that big of a deal-!? Bitch, you are sleeping with the enemy!!”

“Sleeping with!? We are not-“

"I call bull!"

etc.

This sulking lasts for a few days unit you get him to cool his shit

and from then on he mostly leaves y’all alone, just don’t kiss or anything like that in front of him.

And Vil does knock some sense into him

and scolds him for being an,

"immature brat"

Does eventually give you some apple juice.

A wins a win I guess.

Sebek

Boi is shook

absolutely flabbergasted.

He was searching for Malleus

and he found him

cuddling and kissing with YOU!

Almost cussed you out if it weren't for Malleus telling him to leave.

But trust that when I say it's on sight the next time you see him

I.

mean.

it.

Like the absolute audacity, the gall- THE GUMPTION

that you have for dating one of the most powerful beings in Twisted Wonderland

you!

a HUMAN!!

He will be listing every single reason as to why your not worthy of dating Malleus, in alphabetical order, any chance he gets

like a toxic mother-in-law.

And there will be no acceptance on his part

he will be like this for at the very least, the next 70 years

not even Malleus telling him to calm tf down will stop him.

Sorry

but you are fucked.

Rip.

[plants-and-poetry-and-punching]

my many thoughts on: “you win. you made me into this” vs ‘throw them into another dimension for the rest of their lives lmao’

I am FRESH off finishing the finale, so i can’t guarantee the hottest takes, but they’re fresh picked from my brain. no research, no rewatch, we sniff death dust like UNIT.

long rambly post! you’ve been warned!

I understand that ‘if you kill a killer you’re just as bad as they are’ isn’t the most… convincing argument. if you think about it, is the act of killing someone (or something) that wiped out billions and billions of people on the same moral level as committing that same unimaginable evil? is being killed a worse fate than being locked away, alone, for the rest of your life? (or for eternity- remember what 10 did to the mayflies? shit was fucked up!)

maybe the show really does want us to come away with “killing bad no matter what uwu*” but to me, I think it’s more important to think about this in the context of who the doctor is as a character. ‘no killing’ is his personal moral code, and it’s something he truly believes in. yes, it can get a little bit absurd when they’re sending people to forever time prison, but strong feelings and beliefs are very, very good at causing characters (and real people) to act irrationally. plus, he’s a gazillion year old alien. I think he can have a little blue and orange morality, as a treat.

friendly reminder: the doctor has canonically committed war crimes!! they pushed the big red button on gallifrey- there’s a LOT of blood on their hands**. they were always a pacifist at heart(s), but I think the time war really cemented the fact that they never wanted to kill again. the doctor expressed guilt several times this season for supposedly bringing trouble and death wherever he goes, and the whole finale was a distillation of that! countless lives wiped out, and he believes it’s because of him. no wonder the guy lost it***.

mercy is all they have. they can’t undo the deaths that still haunt them, but they can make damn sure that not one more soul dies by their hand- even if the alternative is arguably a fate worse than death.

I believe that, past a certain point, refusing to kill a foe isn’t about being merciful or having the higher moral ground. it’s just the doctor desperately trying to avoid taking any more lives, no matter the cost. it’s not rational- it’s emotional self-preservation. that single soul might just be the straw that breaks them apart.

no more. everybody lives.

the doctor didn’t admit defeat when everyone and everywhere he knew was reduced to dust. (tbf, universe ending catastrophes are an average friday for them.) he grieved, but then he got to work, and he and ruby fixed it.

stopping suketh was a victory. and yet, the doctor admits defeat right before he cuts that line. it’s right there in the text- to him, this is a loss, because he was forced to break the moral code he’s been carrying for thousands of years.

I think it shatters the armor they’ve built around their own self-perception. the doctor wants to be seen as someone who represents life. they want to be able to see themself as someone who represents life- and I believe that they’ve been struggling with that for a long, long time****.

there’s a reason the doctor doesn’t talk about themself, or their past, or loved ones they’ve lost- it’s all tainted by death. at least, I think that’s how they see it. this bitch is traumatized! (maybe they refuse to kill even the most vile enemy because a part of them feels that they’re just as bad? good dalek etc etc)

I don’t think the doctor is thinking all of this consciously, of course. (he’s definitely thinking some of it, though). I just think all of this stuff is a major part of their character.

I really hope that killing sutekh has some serious consequences next season. as big as the scene was in the moment, the end of the episode was more focused on ruby’s story than the doctor’s emotional fallout. (I’m not complaining about having the focus on ruby! shit made me tear up!)

I want to see how the doctor feels about breaking his one rule. I crave angsty character exploration! and maybe an scp end of death type scenario

tldr: I think the doctor deserves to make weird moral decisions every now and then*****. also they’re the sad wet little meow meow ever and I want to put them in the plot equivalent of a hydraulic press.

*I do believe that one of the show’s central themes is the sanctity of life, and that saving lives the most important goal someone can have. I just don’t think it’s here to preach the exact minutiae of what is or isn’t justified.

**I missed most of 13’s run, but it sounds like some serious shit went down there too. I’m gonna go back and catch up soon!

***that said, I hope they continue losing it now and then, because unhinged doctor is my favorite doctor. don’t read into that.

****I know that 14 supposedly fixed himself, but like… no he didn’t. I mean, I hope post-bi-generation 14 is doing great in therapy, but if he is, I don’t think 15 is getting any of the benefits. “maybe I’m the bad luck” in his very first episode?? this bitch lied directly to his own face and he’s kinda iconic for that

*****dear beloved piss on the poor website: the doctor is a fictional character. I do not endorse murder, war crimes, or trapping people in forever prisons irl.

[onepiece-polls]

One Piece Shipping War - Round 3 Side B

Propaganda under the cut.

Propaganda for Law x Robin:

Their intelligent goth energy combined would be off the charts

Their backstories parallel each other perfectly! Home destroyed, hunted from a young age saved by a kind marine. Spoilers ahead: They're working together to figure out what the history of the Will of D is, and what happened in the void century! She was the only person Law trusted enough to reveal his middle initial! Also, they could do horrible things together if they decided to use their devil fruits as a team. So many limbs in places they shouldn't be.

Smart, sexy, sleek, intelligent, empathetic, humorous, *might get flustered on occasion*, hobbies: riling up Usopp. Terrific and morbid sense of humour. Just *get* one another. Very close to one another in both age and height!

Propaganda for Sanji x Law:

North blue bitches unite!! Law is definitely a nerdy fanboy who fell in love, just look at the gif i submitted. Also remember the extremely gay way law landed on sanji's shoulder in wano? Other ships could never!

Why have one traumatized north blue twins when you can have two?

North Blue boys and their trauma

[manyothermusingsofmine]

Oh my god I realised I never told about the funniest glitch I ran into in bg3 hang on let me steal it from the discord channel

"Okay so after finally obtaining the absolute unit of a man that is Halsin, his storyline is not over. You're more like, dead in the middle of it. Anyway for the next part we have to fetch the other half of Thaniels being because through some shenanigans in this universe's variety of the Yugioh Shadow Realm Thaniels soul was split in half or something?

Anyway we're off to grab this other half of Thaniel, known as Oliver. Corrupted by the shadowcurse, he poofs off when you first meet him cause he's a kid and being a Bratty Bitch TM about having to do responsible shit like fix nature around this place. Following him, I'm yeeted into combat. Now, props to BG3 for finally conditioning me into recognizing that while I need to be wary of the shadow friends, they're not the big problem here because at one hit point they're easily dealt with by spells and Astarion picking off any stragglers.

No, the Problem TM is two Ringwraith looking buggers labelled "Daddy" and "Mommy" because this kid traumatized yo. I focus my attention on those, dealing damage and taking quite some damage in return. And then Oliver summons his pet, a shadow-y full grown owl bear. Augh, fuck.

More augh, fuck!; Willow's down. "Daddy" and "Mommy" are brought down due to the tank efforts of Karlach and Halsin, but I *need* to get rid of this owlbear before it starts doing serious damage. I need something that hits hard, and preferably multiple times in a row- Halsin! Turn into a cave bear real quick, plz and thanks! As a cavebear, he gets the final blow on the owlbear, which ends the fight and sends us into a cutscene. Halsin starts talking- and then, in rapid succession:

- Halsin is a cavebear, currently. As far as I know Druids can't speak normally while in Wildshape, but that's the least of our problems.

- Resident Bard is down. Considering she usually handles persuasion talks, that might be a bit of a problem if we're going to try and convince this kid to re-merge with his other self.

- No problem, we have Astarion, he has high persuasio- yeah he's on the opposite side of the battlefield, he's nowhere near this conversation.

- Halsin. is a cavebear. This is also his storyline, and he's technically in last place in the character portraits.

- So the only viable option for this conversation, according to the game, is Karlach. Oh brother.

- Karlach pulls it off really well, actually! There's thankfully no persuasion rolls, and if you gentle parent Oliver, you should be fine. Everything is fine, except for one little, tiny, small visual detail.

- Halsin. The cavebear. Has decided that the best place to be, the best place to parallel park his furry cavebear ass, is dead center in the middle of this somewhat emotional confrontation. Hell, at some point Oliver is like "you're a grown man y u crying" which, first of all, rude, but secondly; he's not. He's a CAVEBEAR

- Furthermore, because he's right in the middle, the camera freaks the fuck out trying to film over, under, and eventually through this cavebear model.

So. I am holding this damn conversation like

[anastachord]

wtf ao3 tags

erotic asphyxiation

car stuff

afterbirth as lube

where I have basically taken the canon out back and shot it

Exhaust pipe penetration?

Inappropriate conversations about vaseline

sand

Chicken (singular)

Misuse of highlighters (not sexual)

kids don't try this fuckass communication at home

Accidental cult acquisition

direct quote from my notes "for medical reasons im gonna need you to suck this ra ca ca"

Unorthodox use of jellybeans

The pope queerbaited us so I wrote this to cope

i bring you the p in pining: pain

Rats

getting hit by cars

improper use of religious items

Jeffry Bezoz

mutated peen

eroticised arithmancy

I STILL SEE YOUR SHADOWS IN MY ROOM

fyi Julia Roberts came to me in a dream and told me STDs don't exist in the PW metaverse

harm to fish

the author is mildly traumatized and would like you to be as well

gratuitous social reform

talk of laundry and then not doing said laundry

That awkward forced car conversation that you can't escape from

mention of one (1) chicken

the inherent anxiety of sending an email

[clenches fist] its about the being enamoured with each other

Ferns. A Lot of Them

victorian obsession with tuberculosis

lube injected?? into the urethra lol

Platonic daddy kink

pain but like the funny kind

also a possessed squirrel

if you like to eat broken glass this is for you

Strangers to something else I don't know what yet

I looked up octopus anatomy and then bent it to my will

self-worth issues like woah

mushroom soup

How to be an adult and fail at it

the intrinsic horniness of applying insect repellent to your best friend's back

Murder of the English Language

fake dating but in a REALLY stupid way

you've heard of netflix and chill, now get ready for gbbo and sad gay pining

this was supposed to be funny but then i killed someone

No Beta - Transformed Into A Hat

Asinine flirting

They get divorced but not really

trying to find the perfect balance between ha ha ha and boo hoo hoo

clownsexuality

I Treat Canon Like A Buffet But In A Gentle Way

Please understand I was drunk when I wrote this

third banananananaan

eroch is a bitch, this really doesn't have anything to do with the story i just hate him

Rated B for Bullshit

gay people

Stabbing yourself into a relationship

Not so epic fight on a tall cvs building

author is mentally stable (I think)

platonic servitude (for now)

Stickshift Jobs

god watches reality tv

consentual dinosaur sex - Freeform

sexy biggie cheese

dirty talk involving dragons

There is a child who dies

cats but the good kind not the 2019 musical

baking bad

Jesus is an Among Us crewmate

this is pure me vomiting on my keyboard to the tune of mutual pining and then posting it

bootlicking, but... not boots.

princess kink?

scoobay

A ludacrious section of the word count spent describing baked goods

war zone meet cute

demonic asthma

flirting in inappropriate situations

will smith fish

Kanye West as Oreos

vodka baptism

beet play

russian presidents

Elmo is a raging homosexual

nae naeing

improper use of a gourd

onion suit

Communist Sonic

questionable canonical accuracy

Two bros making out but its not gay

I Can't Believe I Wrote Porn About Our Founding Fathers

dead cheeto

greg - Fandom

giantdongs

holy water as lube

Pinecones

Ebola - Freeform

sexy bugs

vergin mary

magic ice dildo

head explode

Jesus sounds like Danny devito

cows - Character

united states of horse cock

unsafe impromptu skydiving from airborne blimps

minnesota state prison facility host club

sneeze kink

ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding

glass

there is no God only Goose

splish splash in the bath tub

Birth in a waffle house

pringle man

evil pig

butter rain

A velociraptor with a pizza fetish

aggressive honking

stealing shit

I plotted this all out in a notebook while waiting 4 hours at T-Mobile when my phone was fried

plant rescue operation

Bowser purrs

glue factory

qustion mark

you ever just start a civil war?

gay legos

plastic wrapped barnes and noble book

i spoke to god

Canon is a dartboard and I am drunk and blindfolded with no dart

crabs

you ever just blow out the side of a pirate ship with a big fucking canon?

Consensual Kidnapping

idk what i'm doing but im having a rootin' tootin' time

the fuck is a cuckoocest???

human jungle gym

waffle fries

essays about toilets (threat)

Banana smut

The Grinch goes to therapy

blood is finger licking good

I would be happy to turn them into a soup

Unhinged and morally questionable but otherwise extremely healthy relationships

Sooooo many peanuts

held at gunpoint to lovers

vegan jesus

intense handholding action

Sandwich Denial

War On Pillows

canon typical random explosions

pining of the loins

inappropriate use of dolphin anatomy

richard nixon/wallis simpson

general narrative stupidity

i like how i just tagged it as CPR, like this is not a manual on how to do CPR, seek help elsewhere

Inaccurate descriptions of jobs and other things that I got off Google

no one hurts the beans

Erotic Handholding

F in the chat for my FBI agent who watched me type this for a fanfic in my search bar, and then go back to finding ways to kill people